#i KNOW logically all things will be alright and I'm not actually worthy of only detestation from myself and everyone else | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sophieinwonderland · 6 months

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Alright, y'know what? I'll bite. You cannot be transautistic. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that not only causes behavioral issues but also other physical setbacks, including digestive issues, sleep disturbances and sensitivity to stimuli. There are specific differences in an autistic brain that vary from neurotypical brains that you will never, ever achieve, no matter how hard you try. I don't know why you would want to live with a disorder that actively makes it so you have to puppet-show yourself through social situations because NTs don't understand that autistic people struggle with picking up on social cues and with masking because if they even try to be themselves, they're shunned. Autism, especially the higher needs you get, is very difficult to live with. You cannot transition into a neurodevelopmental disorder you do not have for whatever reason. Whether it's for the 'aesthetic', because you 'feel' autistic, you already have 'physical' autism or whatever. All the reasons why someone might 'identify' as transautistic are null and void. You can either be autistic or you can be not autistic. By identifying as 'transautistic', you are actively harming people who actually have autism by: - invalidating their experience as autistic by making it seem like it's pleasant to have/an aesthetic - invalidating their experience by showing you do NOT take it seriously - invalidating their experience by allowing bigoted neurotypicals to accuse actually autistic people of faking it or being 'transautistic' and therefore pushing their progress back on research and receiving help and support for their condition

I'm sorry if the reason you're 'identifying' as 'transautistic' is because of some kind of trauma. I get it. But you cannot be 'transautistic'. It is inherently harmful to actual autistic people. If you're experiencing atypical dysphoria, that's different and worthy of receiving help for. We support people with atypical dysphoria. We do not support the faking or romanticization of autism.

This is beside the point, but aren't a lot of those physical issues you listed things that are just caused by normal stress? The digestive issue, sleep disturbances, etc?

Anyway, to your point...

I don't know why you would want to live with a disorder that actively makes it so you have to puppet-show yourself through social situations because NTs don't understand that autistic people struggle with picking up on social cues and with masking because if they even try to be themselves, they're shunned.

I don't know why people with BIID would want to remove their limbs.

That doesn't make these feelings any less real though.

There's a mistake I think people make a lot where they assume that the brain and its wants and desires inherently have to be rational. The truth is that human beings are rarely rational actors.

Personally, I agree that ASD is neurodevelopmental disorder and that you can't actually transition into having it in the same way you can transition to a new gender.

At the same time, I feel like the alleged harm is largely overblown.

- invalidating their experience as autistic by making it seem like it's pleasant to have/an aesthetic - invalidating their experience by showing you do NOT take it seriously

This comes down to the mentality of the individual.

Look, we're autistic. Our autism causes us a lot of problems in life.

But it also gives us a unique perspective of the world, and we wouldn't be who we are if we weren't autistic. While there are some things about ourselves that I wish we could change, I don't wish we weren't autistic.

Putting aside that dysphoria is often not something people choose to experience, I personally wouldn't have an issue with with neurotypicals who looked at the pros and cons, and wanted to be autistic like us. I think that would be pretty cool.

Feeling invalidated by this is a personal matter.

This is also the same exact logic I've seen used by TERFs, transmeds and sysmeds alike to try to argue that it's bad to want to be a woman/transgender/plural.

"You want to be like us but haven't experienced the pain we did so it makes us feel bad."

And I mean, this sort of emotion is valid in its own way... but that doesn't make it rational.

And to me, it feels more like self-inflicted harm, where a person's own outlook is what's actually responsible for the distress, rather than the actions of others.

- invalidating their experience by allowing bigoted neurotypicals to accuse actually autistic people of faking it or being 'transautistic' and therefore pushing their progress back on research and receiving help and support for their condition

As someone who regularly stalks r/fakedisordercringe to screenshot and use them as content on my blog, I've never seen them actually fakeclaim people by calling them transautistic.

I don't think this is a thing that actually happens.

If someone is going to accuse you of faking, you're far more likely to get accused Munchausen's.

Which, by the way, has been happening for a LONG time.

I just don't see an uptick in fakeclaiming of disorders related to transabled people

...

And since I mentioned TERFs, they also have been making similar arguments. They've suggested respecting the identities of transwomen would somehow setback feminism, but this hasn't happened.

While disabilities aren't genders and comparing them too closely can be dangerous, I think what history shows us is that a lot of these sorts of arguments tend to be more fearmongering than anything else.

Just as trans rights didn't setback feminism, neither will a small group of transautistics online somehow setback research into ASD or support for autistic people.

Regardless of people's opinion on whether transautism is valid, I think it's important for ASD advocates to keep attention on real issues that face the autistic community instead of a small niche group on the internet with little to no power or impact in the real world.

#transabled discourse #transx discourse #asd #autistic #autism #actually autistic

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nowherefastmp3 · 2 months

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how do you feel about the people in purgatory who are there for 'loving the world too much'

hi and thank you again for the question @mudweed. your blog title is very appropriate haha

I just finished that part of Purgatorio, and left Dante in the garden. as preface, I have to say, I am loving Puratorio, more than I thought I would. I had read Paradiso before, and knew I would be interested in Inferno, but I think I didn't really know what to expect from Purgatorio, at all. As poetry it's really gorgeous! <3

Now, my reservation was, and remains, that you cannot make people better by punishing them. Bad or misguided deeds + a little suffering (in the knowledge "punishment, or I should say, solace) ≠ a soul worthy of God, etc. but I get that I have to leave this at do along with the atheism in how I respond to Dante because "this is not right!" stops the conversation in a very useless way. Passons -

So, as I understand it, the poem describes seven terraces of Purgatory, corresponding to the seven deadly sins, of which the first four are more serious (actual errors in will), and the remaining three are less serious - Avarice, Gluttony and Lust. To your point -> the other way of describing the 4/3 division is that the lower levels are sins of contempt for God's Law, doing harm to others, and the higher levels are sins of disordered / over-zealous love for Creation (or worldly success), to the extent that you do not focus enough on the divine.

First and foremost I am very much sure I personally (would) fall into this category, if I believed in this system (I mean, laying aside the fact that I'm actually in Hell for the atheism thing). I'm there, specifically in the last circle. I agree with Ivan Karamazov, i.e. the world could be very beautiful, and happiness on earth is worth giving up Salvation for.

You get punished on Level V for slightly unusual and miscellaneous things, such as founding dynasties, building up the wealth and power of the Church, hiding your faith in order to protect your career (e.g. Statius), it's interesting. If we imagine that being a pagan wasn't a total obstacle to getting to Heaven, then, ethically, most of the "great men" of history are here. To be fair, the punishment is temporary and not that harsh - essentially some physical discomfort and doing lines - but, I did wonder: this is "disordered" love only in the sense that it is not directed towards Heaven. These people lived well and ethically, but that love of the world is treated, after death (when you can no longer act on it anyway), as something that needs to be purged from your body or atoned for ... it doesn't sit right with me.

Level VI, okay, I see the continued logic from the previous terrace, but I would still question the principle. If it doesn't go so far "greed that deprives someone else of their necessity" (which would be Level II, Envy), does it need to be punished? Or does the impulse to worry that one will be punished for enjoying human sensual life reflect a very skewed vision of what God would be About? What exactly is so bad about wanting the "forbidden fruit", whatever it represents? I wouldn't really draw a clear line between sensual enjoyment of food and drink vs sensual enjoyment of secular music, dance, art, etc., those things are not directly of God either, and (if I'm not going astray here) are only seen as licit because they involve the intellect (seen as inherently alright, being in the gift of God).

Sometimes I feel my arguments against belief in God are unbelievably simplistic, but I have to repeat it, because I think it's true: I don't see why God would create something pleasant (according to human perspective, which he was in change of designing) and then chasten people for finding it pleasant. Again the most basic protest: I don't think that seems very fair! (And philosophically it reduces life - the only thing we know we have - to something very sterile: an exam. It's not my idea of a higher ideal).

Level VII - I do think it is sort of beautiful that love, even supposedly "excessive" love, is seen as putting you *almost* on the threshold to Heaven. And I do like the thread running through Canto XXI to the end, of poetry as means to God, so it makes sense that to exemplify love/lust, Dante choses to 'interview' his favourite love poets. Ovid and Sappho should be here also of course :( but I've already complained too much about the Christian-exclusive Heaven thing.

I found the distinction between the heterosexual and homosexual sinners to be very interesting, in that Dante now establishes that homosexual desire per se does not merit Hell, which means that the sodomites in Inferno Canto XV are being punished eternally for ... the violence against the nature i.e. excessive physicality of their actions? Or did they assault others? I had the impression while reading it that sodomy and non-consensual sex were being very closely linked (and that is exactly how Genesis presents it, as far as I can see - Sodom as community totally without conception of consent). So in any case, gay people in Heaven? Yes, it seems so, eventually.

Again, although the chastisement is very light (a sort of enforced restlessness and self-critique), I cannot quite agree that it needs to be punished at all. And the implication of needing to be purged of your love of your fellow man/woman is a little upsetting, because imo it creates a very individualistic set-up for Heaven. No interdependence, no love for others outside of the most abstract 'communual appreciation of the monocultural love of God', no particular favourites, and poets who have mostly renounced poetry ... surely the best thing about life are the differences between people? It just seems a bit sad ...

I hope that was a not-too meandering response to your question, but let me know what you think :)

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thotsforvillainrights · 5 months

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Yo, i got a good one. What if Kendo Rappa had a lover, but one day he comes to find out that, despite being quirkless, they are legitimately stronger than he is. Maybe they utilise special martial arts or something, but they manage to beat his ass anyway?

Love your posts pook, merry christmas, even though im late.... ♥️♥️

(You're right, this is a good one...because I get to write for Rappa of course! Now I'm not sure how strong you can be to be stronger than someone who has a quirk for it but no need for intense logic, this is a fanfic and anything is possible!)

~Rappa's Strong S/O~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-You're his biggest supporter amongst other roles you play with him. You never seemed to miss a show and he never failed to pick your face out of the crowd once he became aware of it. It would be a lie to say you didn't feel your heart go into overdrive when he finally came up to you after a match and asked your name. It would be an even BIGGER lie to say he wasn't really attracted to you. After a few more fights, you exchanged numbers and the rest is history.

-Nowadays things are a tad bit different for your daily routine. He's stopped underground fighting and moved on towards working with the Shie Hassaikai. You had your complaints but there wasn't really anything that could stop him when he was serious about something. According to him, he didn't even want the job at first. His new boss had beaten him in a match (something you couldn't believe at first), and that was what led him to the Hassaikai. You'll admit a little bit of guilt for not being at the match to cheer him on. This was the first one you weren't at and it was the first one he ever lost. Oh well.

-You spent some time helping him work through some things lately, namely his pent of energy and the need to want to spar all the time. For someone who went from winning death matches once a week, to someone having to learn about managing emotions...it wasn't exactly an easy thing to work through. There were a few slip ups here and there, and this maybe resulted in a court date or two. Still, you were doing your very best and he noticed it.

-One day over the breakfast table, you'd offered to take him in a quick match right in the back yard. He probably laughed harder than you ever heard him laugh since starting to date. "I'm serious Kendo..." This only made him laugh more. "Haha, alright fine! Let's see what you got!" He wasn't going to take you seriously, no way. You're someone he saw as fragile and that he needed to protect at all costs. You were also quirkless, weighed much less than him, and didn't seems to pack much muscle (depending on reader of course). There was no way in hell he was going to take you seriously.

-He should've taken you seriously...

-You could notice he was adding more and more force with each round involving you. Slowly he was starting to work through his confusion and started to see you as an actual opponent. Little did he know, it wasn't the strength but the technique. You'd seen nearly every single one of his matches. You studied every single movement, all of his technique was just something you logged in your mind. It didn't matter that you weren't as tough as him, you were much smarter in the end. This along with your special martial arts you'd picked up sometime in the past was just enough to prove over and over that you were more than worthy.

-Now he'd have to spend time figuring out how exactly to take over as top fighter in the house because let's be honest...there was no way in hell he was gonna let you hold his title over his own head lol.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #kendo rappa #rappa bnha #headcanons

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asmoteeth · 1 year

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*Hand stretches out from a black hole and hands you this and a friendly pat* I don't know about you, but Wedge going all protective mode with Hotshot is something that makes me vibe. Idk why, but to me, Wedge will always be larger and bulkier, even if it’s just a tiny bit, than Hotshot….

Imagine: Wedge, while searching for Hotshot, walks just in time to see some student (maybe from the first years) trying to get close to him. The problem? A) it's obvious that their reasons to do so is only cause he's THE Hotshot (he's famous and all that) B) Hotshot gets more and more nervous as the bot gets more pushy, and is clear that he's highly uncomfortable with the unwanted attention

Hotshot gets the memo, a bit late, that trying to get out of this situation by being polite won't work, and as a result: he gets his ass cornered real quick….right in front of Wedge, who has watched the entire sequence and went from angry to furious. Really fast, the fan gets forcibly removed from Hotshot space, and while not happy to receive this treatment, they know better than to face a bot way larger than them and clearly pissed off

And I'm talking about the whole con worthy pissed off look: sharp fangs bared in a snarl, plating all flared up (which only makes him bigger) and with cold-dark optics simmering with rage; if Wedge had claws, they would also be out too (some instincts never go down, no matter the faction) Because of this display (and the underlying promise of violence), they choose the only logical option left: they run (cause they wanna live long enough to graduate ofc)

Meanwhile, HS is holding into Wedge, a bit shaken from this experience but also simping hard (cause seeing his boyfriend like this does things to him). Only to get his face cupped between W servos and softly asked if he is alright (his simpmeter goes ballistic from this, and his optics are permanently heart shaped)..... And yeah, I visualize HS like that meme “I'm scared and aroused”, but I think “I'm scared and simping” is more appropriate for this case.

These two need a cuddle session, like asap. Now that I think of it….this could also apply to a scenario where HS actually faces danger of some sort (I give you this scenario, you do whatever you want with it)

If you ever wanna talk about wedgeshot, my chat is always open (the ship is quite small, so if we don't collaborate/brainstorm to make content, then who else will?). Also, I find your Recruit HW au to be quite adorable, specially when you regard him as a particularly spicy kitten….

... you are gonna absolutely gonna go ballistic over the fanfic I have in the works rn...

ALSOOOOOO!!!!! RECRUIT HEATWAVE IS NOT MY AU it's property of @wildlygay I'm just a big fan <33 the only RBA AU I own is the GU!AU (Grown up! Au, I see why you could get these two confused since I use my GU!Hotshot as P!Hotshot)

I would love to have chats over our headcanons! You're free to crash into my DM's at whatever time you want (I have busy days anyways, but I check tumblr a lot so I'm gonna deff gonna be able to see them) you can also leave them in the asks anyday!! <33

#asmo asks #wedgeshot asks #asmo.txt

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theclockworkmonk · 3 years

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Out of the Mouths of Babes — Chapter 2

Read on AO3

Read on FanFiction.net

Chapter 1 on Tumblr

Prompt: “Uncle Ron said something about Harry knocking Ginny up, but I don’t know what he means,” Teddy said.

************

"They can't be serious…." Harry muttered in disbelief as he stared down at the very official-looking letter.

"Who's serious about what?" asked Ginny, stepping into their living room.

Harry jumped and quickly tried to hide the letter behind his back. "Nothing!" he squeaked.

He should have known better. Ginny got a mischievous glint in her eye and darted around him, trying to get at the letter. They spent a minute chasing around each other, but eventually Ginny faked him out into tripping over the coffee table, and she quickly snatched the letter out of his hand with a triumphant laugh, making Harry once again wonder if she wouldn't be even better at Seeker.

"Ooooo," Ginny sang dramatically as she saw the emblem at the top of the parchment, "an official statement from the Wizengamot! Have they come up with a new award to bestow on you?"

"No, it's even worse," mumbled Harry.

"Oh, well now I'm very interested," Ginny teased, "am I worthy to take a peek at such official correspondence between such important people?"

"Well, it actually concerns you too, Missy," said Harry, crossing his arms, "so go ahead."

"Hold on, let's see if I can get the right tone." Ginny cleared her throat, pointed her nose in the air, and continued in her haughtiest tone,

"To the esteemed Harry James Potter,

After consideration of your actions to serve and protect the Wizarding World of Great Britain, as well as the recent discovery of your lineage to the Ancient and Noble House of Peverell, previously thought to be lost, it is with great honor and pleasure that we offer to restore your line to its former status by bestowing upon you one of the vacant Lordships!?"

Ginny dropped her character and her mouth gaped open in disbelief. "Along with the accompanying seat on the Wizengamot!" she finished quickly.

She looked up at him with wide eyes, and her face split into a wicked grin and Harry knew he would never hear the end of this.

Harry snatched the parchment back.

"Yeah, so in other words," he began before she could start getting her jokes in, "they're embarrassed by how many of their seats are still empty after half their members were thrown in prison or fled the country for being Death Eater collaborators, so they're once again trying to use me as their poster boy so they can look like they've turned over a new leaf. Except they clearly haven't, since they only deemed me 'worthy' after they found out which dead pure-bloods I'm descended from, so they're still the same navel-gazing, inbred aristocrats they've always been!"

By the time he was finished, he was shouting and he panted to catch his breath.

Ginny, however, still found the whole thing hilarious.

"Oh, it breaks my heart to see Lord Potter so displeased," she bowed low to him with a flourish of her hand. "Let me know if there's anything a lowly peasant like me can do to serve you."

"Yeah, yuck it up, Weasley," said Harry dryly, "Like I said, this affects you too."

She looked back up at him with a sardonic look. "How does your having to sit through long parliamentary bullshit have to do with me?"

"Well," said Harry, stepping toward her, "if I'm a Lord, that means that, if I ever get married one day—"

"Hypothetically speaking," said Ginny.

"Yes, then that hypothetical girl — whoever she might be — would become a Lady."

"Hmmm," hummed Ginny thoughtfully. She wrapped her hands around his neck and he snaked his arms around her waist. "So you think this is relevant to me because you're hoping to make me your Lady? That's mighty presumptive of you, Lord Potter."

"Well, I wouldn't say hoping," lied Harry. "It's just a logical possibility to consider, strictly because you're pure-blood, of course. But I'm still keeping my options open. After all, you know how much of a ladies man I am."

"Yes, of course. But you know…" said Ginny thoughtfully, tracing circles over Harry's chest with her finger, "'Lady Ginevra Potter….does have kind of a nice ring to it."

"Oh, but things would be expected of you, m'Lady," said Harry, "and you would definitely have to stop all that Quidditch nonsense. Such a vulgar and violent activity is beneath a woman of your standing."

"Oh, well, I guess that's settled, we have to break up," Ginny sighed, "We're just a part of two different worlds."

"I'll always remember you," said Harry romantically, "but alas, I must kiss you goodbye."

He bent down and gave her a kiss, then they broke apart as they cracked up into laughter.

"Come on, I'm not going to let anyone call me a Lord," said Harry, rolling his eyes, "and obviously I'm not actually going to sit on the bloody Wizengamot. Those seats are transferable, so I can give it to someone who will actually know what they're doing. My first instinct is your dad, but he probably won't want it either, and they'll do anything to get him off again. Andromeda would probably feel at home there, but could do some good. Or maybe McGonagall."

Ginny groaned. "You can be so boring sometimes, you know that? You have a chance to put Luna in a position of power, that would drive them insane! Oh, or how about Aberforth, that would be hilarious!"

Harry laughed. "We're not all agents of chaos like you, Gin. I swear, sometimes I think you're Eris in disguise."

"Oh, you think I'm a goddess?" Ginny flirted, "then I guess you better worship me."

"Hmmm," Harry kissed her again, but then sighed and pulled back. "Sadly, there's no time for that, we're already running late for dinner at the Burrow."

"Alright, should we go together or do you want to keep up the pretense that we're actually living in different flats?" she asked him pointedly.

He gave a weak, embarrassed smile. "I know it's ridiculous, and I might be a coward, I've just managed to escape your mother's disapproving stare so far in my life, I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible."

Ginny rolled her eyes but led him by the hand out the door of their flat, past the wards they had put up. Harry wrapped an arm around her waist, and turned on the spot, feeling the squeeze of Disapparition.

*********************

"Come on!" urged Ron, "I'm hungry!"

"What else is new?" laughed Hermione, as she finished a letter she needed to send and tied it to Pig. After she sent the little owl on his way, she turned around to see her fiance standing by the fireplace, bouncing on his feet like a child on Christmas morning.

"Honestly Ron," said Hermione, shaking her head, "one would think you haven't eaten in a week, and there's no way that your mother even has dinner ready yet."

"Yes, but her pre-dinner scones should be coming out of the oven right now!" said Ron cleverly, "And I might as well have not eaten in a week, don't pretend like I'm the only one who's sick of our sad attempts at cooking."

"Alright, alright!" said Hermione. She joined him by the fireplace, threw some floo powder into the grate, and together they stepped into the green flames.

"THE BURROW!" Ron shouted clearly, and after the spinning sensation and flashes of various fireplaces, they stumbled into the sitting room of Ron's childhood home.

Ron's excited smile faltered when they saw the sitting room completely empty, with no one there to greet them. He recognized the overlapping voices of his family instead coming from the kitchen, and with a rush of horror he feared that his precious scones were already being eaten by an army of Weasleys. He led Hermione by the hand across the room towards the kitchen, and he started to make out individual voices.

"I just don't understand why they haven't told us!" said his mother.

"He probably knows what we're likely to do to him," grumbled Charlie.

"You've been away too long, brother mine," chuckled George, "I guarantee you she's the one keeping it under wraps."

"In any case, we know that pushing the issue will do nothing but make things worse," said Ron's dad gently, "We just have to—"

"Scones ready?" asked Ron loudly as he and Hermione entered the kitchen, and Hermione had to resist the urge to swat him. The conversation he had interrupted seemed interesting, and her suspicions were confirmed (and her curiosity inflamed) when all talk instantly ceased the moment they walked into the room. Six heads snapped towards the arriving couple as Molly, Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Percy, and George widened their eyes in surprise and fear, like they were caught discussing something covert. Hermione also noticed how a few of them (mainly Ron's two oldest brothers) then narrowed their eyes venomously at her and her boyfriend.

While the kitchen of the Burrow was usually one of the warmest, most welcoming rooms in the world to Hermione, she noticed a distinctly cool, tense atmosphere this time. She looked sideways and saw that even Ron had clearly noticed, his eager smile slipping from his face.

There were several seconds of silence as the older family members' eyes all flittered between each other, holding a silent conversation that Ron and Hermione didn't know how to join. Then the loud ding of the kitchen timer made them all jerk suddenly.

"Wow, do I have great timing or what?" said Ron proudly, trying to ease some of the tension in the room, but some of his laughter died in his throat. His stomach didn't let him dwell on it, however, as Molly bent down to take the scones out of the oven, and the sweet, fresh smell filled the kitchen.

After she put the plate of scones on the table, Ron casually flicked a cooling charm over them before grabbing one greedily. The other Weasley men took their own, but they looked more like it was just something to do with their hands. While Ron hummed as he took a big bite, they chewed theirs thoughtfully.

"I should check on the washing," said Molly quietly, without looking at anyone. She grabbed a laundry basket and headed outside towards the clothesline.

"I'll help!" said Hermione cheerfully. She was always happy to help with the chores at the Burrow, but she also wanted to get one of the Weasleys alone to figure out what they had been talking about.

Molly didn't answer and continued outside with Hermione behind her.

"How have you and Arthur been?" asked Hermione pleasantly.

"Well, my days are still dreary, with no children left in the house," Molly sighed. "I knew that children don't stay children forever, but I certainly wasn't expecting my younger ones to hit so many milestones so quickly….and in the wrong order." She finished more quietly

Hermione frowned. Did Molly think she and Ron were getting married too soon? She had never expressed that before, she was overjoyed when they had announced their engagement.

"Er….well, Ron recently got promoted from Junior Auror," said Hermione uncertainly as she began helping Molly take garments off the clothesline and put them in the basket. "He'll be taking more serious cases now." So his career is well on track, if that's what you're worried about.

"I'm touched that you and Ron are willing to indulge that to me!" said Molly sharply

Hermione pursed her lips. Her patience was running out.

She stepped towards her soon-to-be mother-in-law and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Molly…"

For the first time, Molly turned to look at Hermione and the younger woman flinched back at the cold distrust and disapproval she saw in her eyes. Hermione felt a rush of deja vu, and after a short moment she realized where she had seen that look before: it was the same look she had received from Molly her fourth year, when the older witch had believed Rita Skeeter and was under the impression that Hermione was Harry's manipulative girlfriend, breaking his heart by messing around with Viktor.

"Mrs. Weasley...have I done something wrong?" asked Hermione weakly.

Seeing the hurt on Hermione's face, Molly's own harsh expression softened and was replaced with a wave of guilt. Her eyes got watery and her lip trembled, and before Hermione could say anything else she suddenly found herself being hugged tightly.

"No dear, you haven't done anything wrong," said Molly in a choked voice, as Hermione awkwardly patted her back, thoroughly confused. "I'm just being silly. I understand you're not choosing sides, you're just being a good friend."

Molly pulled back, and was smiling weakly at Hermione.

"Er...thank you," said Hermione, more bewildered than ever. "I don't mean to be rude, Molly, but I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh no, of course not," Molly winked dramatically, "There's nothing to tell, I'll drop it. Come on, dinner is just about ready."

Before Hermione could insist more strongly that Molly explain what the hell was going on, Molly picked up the now-full laundry basket and returned to the house, leaving Hermione blinking dumbly behind her.

******************************

As Hermione followed his mother outside, Ron continued to chew into the warm, buttery scone, barely looking at his surrounding family members, the earlier tension all but forgotten to him.

"So….little Ronnie doesn't come around for dinner as much as he used to," Bill pointed out.

"He and Harry have been burning the candle at both ends at the Ministry," said Percy.

"Hmm-hmm," Ron nodded, engrossed in his scone, not looking up to see the stern looks on his brothers' faces. "More than we need to be, honestly. But because of Harry's saving-people-thing, he's always sure that the next case will end in disaster if the dark wizard isn't caught right now, and of course he would be lost without me, so whenever he's working overtime I am too." He shrugged.

"Oh yes, I think we're all well aware how loyal you are to Harry," Charlie said darkly, "Even over other, older loyalties, as a matter of fact."

"Charlie…." began their dad warningly.

Ron looked back up, and grew uncomfortable again when he saw that all of his family members were looking directly at him. Earlier, he had assumed that the awkward tension in the room was because he and Hermione had interrupted an important conversation, but it seemed to go beyond that, like they were pissed directly at him for something he had done.

"What's going—"

He was interrupted by his mother re-entering the house, holding the laundry with one hand and wiping tears from her eyes with the other. Hermione followed in shortly behind her, and Ron looked pointedly at his mother and gave his fiance a quizzical look, but Hermione just returned a confused, helpless shrug.

"The roast should be almost done now," said Molly happily, and waved her want to send a flurry of plates and cutlery flying to settle in front of where each of the Weasley men were sitting.

"And I'm such a terrible mother, I neglected something," chuckled Molly, and bent down to kiss the crown of Ron's head. "We all missed you, dear."

"Mum…" Ron grumbled awkwardly, but he saw his brothers look at each other with slightly guilty expressions, and as they followed their mother's lead, the atmosphere of the room became friendlier.

Charlie drew in a deep breath and sighed. "I need a drink."

"Excellent idea!" pipped George. He waved his wand and summoned a large bottle of firewhiskey from the cabinet along with several glasses, which zoomed right past Molly's face, causing her to jump and shriek.

"For the last time, only the cook can summon in the kitchen!" Molly scolded him, "I won't have this room devolve in complete chaos of flying objects until someone gets a concussion!"

"And I know you don't always act like it, but you are all of age," said Arthur, raising his eyebrows at George pouring several glasses of whiskey, "so I see no reason why you can't bring your own drinking supplies instead of raiding mine."

Molly huffed. "Well maybe it will be best if we stopped keeping that poison in the house—"

She stopped abruptly as they heard a faint pop from outside, coming from down the pathway, and Ron knew that Harry and Ginny must have arrived. Instead of beaming and rushing out into the garden to greet her two favorite children, however, Ron saw his mother gasp and a bit of the color drain from her face. His family members all looked at each other with that same expression he first saw when he came into the room.

Charlie gave a low growl and picked up a glass. "Yup. Definitely need a drink."

#hinny ficfest #hinny fanfiction #hinny fluff #romione #hinny #hinny fanfic #ron x hermione #ron and hermione #harry and ginny #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #romione fanfic #harry x ginny #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 link #ao3 fanfic

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jkbabiey · 3 years

Text

𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏𝚒𝚜𝚑 ⤇ 𝙹𝙹𝙺

Words: 4.7K

Genre: angst; fluff; it's a sad ending y'all

Synopsis: “I'm in love with you and it scares me to death."

Song Rec: 2 kids - Taemin ; to die for - Sam Smith ; r u ok - Tate McRae ; Emotional bruises - Madison Beer ; Selfish - Madison Beer ; i love you - Billie Eilish ; when the party's over - Billie Eilish

Oh, he was so perfect! So freaking flawless you couldn’t take your eyes off him for a second!

You had just got to Hoseok’s party with Yuta, but it seemed, to Jungkook, like he had been staring at you for hours. You hadn’t spared him a look yet, and if he hadn’t stood up from his seat on the couch to greet you, you probably wouldn’t have even known he was there too. You were too busy looking at your boyfriend, all wide-eyed and agape lips, to notice his presence behind you. But then Yuta’s eyes hardened as he crossed eyes with your best friend, and you, of course, noticed his change of behaviour and looked over your shoulder.

“Oh! Hi Kook!” you squealed and immediately threw your arms around his neck. Jungkook quickly enveloped your waist in his muscular arms, lifting you from the floor. “God, I missed you so much these last days! Where have you been?” you asked against the skin of his neck. And Jungkook smiled, discretely taking a sniff from your hair.

“I’ve been where I always am. You’re the one who disappeared,” he said, humorously - but not so much, because he actually meant to throw that in your face, but he wouldn’t stand the idea of making you feel bad over anything, ever.

“Oh God, blame Yuta here!” you said, raising your eyebrows and chuckling softly as he let you back on the floor. “Yuta, this is Jungkook, my best friend.” You presented him, and he held out his hand in Yuta’s direction, out of pure courtesy.

“Hey man,” Yuta muttered and shook his hand, a bit too boldly for Jungkook’s liking. Jungkook smiled at the guy - a very small and not-genuine smile. Any other time, you would have noticed how fake his smile was, but right now, your eyes were on Yuta. None of your attention was aimed at Jungkook.

Before Jungkook noticed, you two were already too immersed in how amazing these last days - without him - had been, he turned around and walked out of the toxic, smoke-ish and noisy environment that had taken over Hoseok’s whole place, betting his ass that you wouldn't notice his absence until the end of the night.

His hands were buried in his pockets and his head hung low. He was praying not to bump into Jin, Taehyung or any other of his closest friends that had also attended the party. His lips were currently being intensely wounded by his front teeth. His eyes stung and he didn’t know why. Then he got to his car, sitting down and letting go a deep breath that he didn’t know he was holding in. Then the tears he also hadn’t noticed to be sheltering in his eyes started to run down his cheeks.

He didn't quite know why he was crying. The only thing he knew was that you were taken. You were completely smitten to some other guy, that wasn’t him and that bothered him in measures he couldn’t have imagined. You were absolutely smitten to someone, who wasn't him.

He had lost his chance. That's why he was crying.

He was a goner.

You were standing there, messy hair, deep dark circles, bare face, large grey sweatpants- that seemed oddly familiar to him, but he decided to ignore that - and a black sweatshirt, in front of him, asking to come in. He stepped away and you came in. Not wasting any time after he closed the door, you grabbed his neck and buried your face on it. He felt the wet patches you were leaving in his thin dark green t-shirt. He held you tight against his body and you sobbed fully. Your cries only intensified when he placed one of his big hands on your head and took his soft lips to your forehead, pecking it.

Then he picked you up, your legs around his waist and your face, still buried in his neck. He took you to his living room, taking a chair and placing it in front of his warm fireplace. He sat on it, you on his lap, holding onto his shoulders. There was nothing better than this spot to calm you down on a cold day. He knew it but he doubted Yuta made any idea of it.

“Have you ever been afraid of losing the love of your life?”

His heart shattered. He could hear it shatter, like a very fragile glass piece. Yuta was the love of your life. What had he to do with that, why were you even here, if your problem was with Yuta?

“You and Yuta argued?”

You hummed, a bit hesitant - the reason unknown to him. He didn’t say anything else. He couldn’t. It was not his place. You just needed a friendly lap to seat on, a couple of warm arms to hold you and a gentle voice to tell you it was alright.

“It’s alright... It’s alright baby...”

That’s exactly what he did.

“This is Soojin, my girlfriend.”

Your eyes widened and a small, surprised smile played on your lips. He hesitated for your answer.

“Hi!” after greeting the beautiful girl that stood next to him holding his hand tight, you moved forward to briefly hug her. “Jungkook, never mentioned you before!”.

Snarky.

Soojin looked at Jungkook, her shy eyes now displayed a small discreet amount of anger.

“Oh... This is pretty recent. That’s why,” Soojin blurted, a nervous laugh erupting right away.

Soojin was a girl he had met about a month ago and she was amazing. Incredibly breathtaking and Jungkook couldn’t adore her more. His crush on you had been long forgotten - or at least he thought it had.

Jungkook thought the dinner was delicious, but still, when you asked what he thought of the dinner he answered ‘it’s good, but yesterday Soojin made some amazing bibimbap, I should have asked her to do it for tonight instead’. And you smiled bitterly and him. No one else noticed the bitterness in your smile, but he did.

Why was he acting this way? Because since he and his new girlfriend got in your apartment, you had established this dumb discreet competition between you and Soojin, making passive-aggressive comments and the poor girl beside him was so notoriously uncomfortable, he felt sorry for bringing her here.

“Soojin, maybe you should visit my hairdresser”

“I know you probably don’t understand since you’ve never been to college, but I’ve been so happy with my grades recently”

“How have you managed to attract someone like Jungkook, I mean... You know what I mean, right?”

So when the dinner was over, he pulled you away by the arm, bringing you to the kitchen and leaving Yuta and Soojin on the balcony, enjoying the view and hopefully sparing Soojin some minutes of your annoyingly mean comments.

“Why are you being such a bitch to Soojin?” he asked, hands on his hips and his eyes raging.

“I’m not,” you furrowed your eyebrows and he laughed ironically.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Y/N.”

“You had never mentioned her before. Who do you think I am, for you to present me some temporary fling you’re having. I’m more important than that! If you want to present me to someone, I want her to be at least stable. Not someone you’ve been dating for 2 weeks!”

“What has time to do with it? I like her, I think she’s worthy enough for you to meet her!”

“C’mon, look at her. She sports the slutty look.” you deadpanned and Jungkook’s eyes widened.

“You’re going too far! Look at Yuta! He’s the typical high school fuckboy!” he whisper-screamed. “You have no moral to talk about Soojin like that!”

“Oh, now he’s defending her!” you ironized and he rubbed his forehead, trying to look for just a little bit more patience. “You didn’t even tell me she was coming! And plus, I don’t have to mandatorily like her!”

“I don’t like Yuta and you don’t hear me talking to him like he's trash, right?”

“Yeah, that’s because he’s not trash, but we can’t say the same for Soojin, can we?”

That was enough. He turned his back on you, going to the balcony in quick steps and grabbing Soojin’s hand in his. He dragged her across your apartment as you stared at him piercingly.

“Babe, what’s going on?” Soojin asked, completely adrift.

“We’re leaving.”

“I haven’t said goodbye yet, kook”

“You don’t need to, we’re not coming back anyway,” he stated as his eyes locked on yours.

Jungkook really didn’t plan on coming back but Soojin broke up with him about a month later, claiming that he was in love with someone else and not bothering to explain further. Needless to say, Jungkook had never been as bewildered and nauseated in his life. He had argued with you, his best friend, to protect Soojin’s dignity, and she dared to say he didn’t love her?!

The only one he could think of to help him figure out what the heck Soojin was referring to with such barbarities, was you. You were the most intelligent and astute person Jungkook had ever met. He was sure you were the only one who could possible help him.

When he showed up at your door, you opened it. No sign of shock or surprise evident on your face in seeing him after your huge argument, because you both knew you two would never be able to stay mad a each other for too long. A month of not talking was a new record.

When he blurted out the reason Soojin had used to break up with him, after sitting down next to you on your couch, your mouth fell agape and your eyes widened.

“What?” you exclaimed as Jungkook shook his head, showing his bewilderment.

“That’s what I said!” he exclaimed back and you looked at the floor, completely confused by what your best friend was telling you. The boy had almost finished his 7-year friendship to defend his new girlfriend. How could she even question his feelings?!

“She’s probably just overthinking something... Maybe she saw you hugging another girl... Or maybe a text on your phone...”

“I didn’t text anyone other than her! Not even you!” he screeched and you scratched your ear, trying to think of some logical reason behind the sudden breakup.

“... Probably, it’s really her overthinking something... Girls do that! I do that, all the time!” you looked at him doubtfully, as he stared back in the same way. “SHE’S INSECURE!” you shouted as the sudden realization, that seemed to be the most logical out of every single theory you had already come up with, came to your mind.

Jungkook widened his eyes, straightening his back as your speculation didn’t seem as automatically disposable as all the others that had come to his mind.

“That’s it!” you continued. “Probably, she’s in one of those times where she doubts every single thing in her body, and she thinks she’s not enough for you! I feel that way too often!”

Jungkook’s expression got serious as he heard the last portion of your speech. “You do?”

It took you a moment to understand what he was asking, but as you saw the worry behind his eyes you quickly figured the context of the question. “Oh... Yeah, I guess it’s pretty normal...”

“You shouldn’t feel that way, you’re pretty amazing...”

You smiled shyly and sent him a sweet gaze, as he quickly returned it. “With Yuta, it’s pretty hard not to doubt me at times. Have you seen the guy? Seems like he came straight out a freaking novel...” you chuckled playfully and Jungkook pushed your shoulder with his.

“And so do you.” And there was Jungkook in his natural element.

“Jungkook! Stop flirting!” you screeched, shyly as your cheeks turned into a dark shade of pink. Jungkook laughed, cringing internally at how cute he found you in that exact moment. He embraced your shoulders in his muscular arms, and you finally looked into his eyes. His face was awfully close and you could feel his breath on your face as a soft smile lingered on his lips.

“Missed you,” he whispered so that only the two of you could hear it, even though no one else was around.

“Missed you,” you whispered back, leaning your forehead to his.

Soojin had taken him back.

She had her reasons to break up with him in the first place, but she couldn’t deny the guy a second chance as he stood by her door, a bouquet of red roses, that you had recommended, in his hand, puppy eyes and pouted lips.

You had found out in the worst of ways.

Crying your heart out, you stood in the elevator, waiting for it to finally come to your destination, your best friend’s apartment floor. When it did, you got out of it, your face smudged with your -supposedly, waterproof - mascara. You knocked and were received by Soojin, in all her beauty, messy hair and no make-up features, wearing Jungkook’s shirt. She was probably busy with something else. She still managed to look extremely gorgeous, and there were you, looking like you had just been run over by a bus.

“Y/N! Are you alright! That’s dumb, of course not! Do you want to come in? Wait a second, I’ll go call Jungkook,” she stated with a genuine expression of worry on her face and a hand on your shoulder.

“No! No, leave it. I’m fine!” you said, grabbing her hand before she could go and call Jungkook. “I’ll just go home. Sorry for interrupting you two!” you smiled, even with your smudged make-up face. “Don’t worry, I’ll just call him later!”

And so you turned your back on her, as you felt her worried look on your back.

“Oh! And I’m sorry about how I treated you last time...” You turned back to her, sending an apologetic smile her way.

“Don’t worry about that...” she muttered and smiled back.

It was obvious why Jungkook liked her so much.

“What happened yesterday?!” Jungkook shouted as soon as you opened the door, exactly 7:54 AM and the guy was already standing by your door.

“You didn’t tell me you and Soojin were back together...”

“Not what I asked,” he said back, impatient.

“I wasn’t answering you either,” you mocked and he sent you an annoyed look. “Don’t worry about last night. I’m fine now.”

“I just want to know what happened. Not even worried...” he said and you laughed at how sarcastic he could be at times.

“Yuta and I broke up,” you said and Jungkook’s eyes widened. “He cheated. A drunk night out.”

“Son of a bitch...” he muttered and you quickly enveloped his face with your hands, bringing his eyes to yours.

“I’m fine, really. No need to get mad” you chuckled a bit. Jungkook stared at you for a while, before holding your hands and kissing both of them.

“You deserve so much better. Please don’t settle for someone like him.”

“I won’t,” you smiled and he smiled back.

He spent the rest of the day with you. Both laying on the sofa, holding onto each other, and watching movies, with a huge bowl of the sweetest popcorn you could have managed.

“I’m 25...” you muttered out of nowhere and Jungkook hummed back, his face snuggled by the side of your neck, his arms around your waist and his chest against your back.

“And?”

“I want to get married someday and now I don't have a boyfriend,” you muttered once again.

“Were you really planning on marrying that piece of shit?”

“I didn’t know he was a piece of shit.”

“You don’t need to get married now. You’re still young. You’ll find a great guy, who knows how to truly value you as the woman you are,” he said, before softly kissing the skin of your neck, where his cheek was previously resting on.

"Soojin’s a lucky girl,” you said, smiling, after few silent moments.

She really was a lucky girl.

A few years later

“Would you marry me?”

Your eyes widened, quickly averting to your best friend, kneeled down in front of his 3-year girlfriend. He was glowing. A wide perfectly white smile played on his lips as he stared up at Soojin with eyes that shone brighter than ever. She was speechless - very much like you. Her hands covered her mouth and her eyes were starting to get wet with tears. The answer that followed was obvious.

“Yes!”

There it was. She threw her arms around Jungkook’s neck, as he stood up and enveloped her slim waist in his embrace. She was crying already and he chuckled lightly at the emotional mess his girlfriend was.

You weren't expecting this. But you should have. Jungkook hadn't talked to you about this or left you any clue about it, but still, he was 28 years old. You could see the shine of his eyes getting brighter each time he looked at her, every passing day. They were in love and their relationship was stronger each day.

Your whole group of friends manifested their happiness. Jimin had tears in his eyes from how happy he was seeing that the youngest of the group was finally settling down for life. Namjoon clapped his hands, smirking proudly at the youngest. You could swear you’d seen Jin, that stood next to Namjoon also clapping his hands, winking to his friend when their eyes crossed. Yeri whistled loudly along with Taehyung, while Irene laughed at her friends’ foolishness.

Mingyu, quite unaware of the mess the living room held, kept his eyes secured on you, smiling. When you caught his gaze, you sent him a tiny smile back - the first since the heartfelt proposal. You averted your eyes back to the couple holding each other in the middle of the room and when they parted their embrace, Jungkook’s eyes locked on yours. You weren’t smiling as he expected you to be. You didn’t even seem to be happy for him. He smiled anyway, and you, in all your effort, winked playfully at him, as you turned your back on him. You grabbed a cup of champagne and walked towards the balcony, being interrupted by the male hand that suddenly grabbed your waist.

“We’re next,” you heard Mingyu whisper in your ear. You looked back, grabbing his hand and lightly squeezing it.

“You bet,” you answered playfully and smiled brightly at him.

Mingyu was your boyfriend. You had been dating him for 2 years now and he was great. Jungkook had presented him to you at a home party. You still remember complaining to him about having to watch him and Soojin being all couply while you still spent the night laying in bed and watching romances. The week after your complaints he took you to a party and introduced you to this really nice and good-looking guy, which happened to be his friend, named Mingyu. Mingyu was a few months older than you and he had just started to work as a lawyer. He was already introduced to your family and they all loved him, dismissing your sister's daily comments that claimed her disappointment because she thought you 'would end u with your Jungkook'.

When Mingyu let go of you to go hang out with the rest of your friends, you reached the balcony, closing the door behind you, leaning on the glass balcony and gazing at the amazing view your friend Irene had got when she bought this new apartment with Jin, her boyfriend. Your hair, being wildly swept by the wind, was a mess, but you could care less. Your eyes were teary, you didn't really know why though. Something about Jungkook getting married left a huge ball of emotions sitting on your chest. What bothered you is that even knowing Soojin was an amazing girl and Jungkook would be happy with her, you weren't particularly happy with the news. You knew this could as well turn you into a very shitty best friend, and that's why you thought you wouldn't really be able to talk to Jungkook without catching a breath of fresh air first. Without noticing the tears you had been previously sheltering in your eyes, were now running down your cheeks.

You sobbed and quickly wiped the tears away when you heard the balcony doors opening and closing again. It was Jungkook, you knew it when you felt the warm presence you'd gotten used to after 9 years.

"Hey," he muttered.

You didn't answer, afraid your voice would fail you and just kept staring forwards, feeling Jungkook's gaze on you. You knew he knew you had been crying. He was a master when it came to figuring it out.

"So... you're getting married now hum?" you commented, once your vocal cords seemed stable enough.

"Right," he answered, and you looked at your side, not bothering to hide your puffy eyes. "What do you think of that?" he asked you and you looked down at your hands.

"You know... If you're happy, I'm happy," you said and he chuckled.

"Of course," Jungkook mimicked your actions, looking down as well. You two stayed quiet for some time, as the starry night sky shined down on you.

"You look amazing tonight, by the way," he remarked. "Didn't get the chance to te-"

"You didn't tell me you were going to propose," you interrupted him, looking back at him. There wasn't a shy smile on your lips or a polite gaze on your eyes. All Jungkook could see in your expression was hurt.

"I don't have to tell you every little thing going on in my life," he answered, putting up his defensive side.

"This is not little! This is marriage," you exclaimed and stared at him. He stared down and stayed quiet.

"Mingyu told me he's going to propose too," he announced and you widened your eyes. Not that you hadn't thought about it. Mingyu had commented a lot of times he wanted to make you his wife and build a family with you. But still, it was big news for you.

"I'm sure you weren't supposed to tell me that."

"Are you going to say yes?" he asked and stared at you.

You stared back at him and for once in that night, your eyes met for more than a minute. There was a silent plead present in his eyes that you couldn't really figure out. He sighed and got closer to you, your arms rubbing against each other. You lay your head down on his shoulder and he shortly kissed your forehead.

"Y/n..." he whispered, and you hummed back, still not answering his previous question. "I can... go back. If you... want me to."

"If you love her, then you should marry her," you answered right away, not wanting to hold your best friend back from marrying the girl he loves.

He kept quiet and so did you.

"Are you going to say yes?" he repeated his previous question and you shot your head up, looking straight in his eyes.

"You know... I've always thought of you as the love of my life."

Jungkook's eyes widened as you chuckled. That's when it came to him. That night, you were afraid of losing him, not Yuta.

"I've always been told I should marry the love of my life. But I don't think I can marry you now that you're already married," you stated playfully, but Jungkook's stare was serious. "Mingyu is amazing, really. I worship him. But how do I know if I love him enough to marry him?" you asked, looking up to find Jungkook already staring at you, a mix of different emotions present in his eyes. "How did you know you loved Soojin enough to marry her?" you asked again and Jungkook looked down.

"Well... I like her almost as much as I love you," he whispered loud enough for only you to listen. "And I think that's a whole lot."

"Do you love her, though?" you asked, absolutely perplexed at his answer.

He smiled lightly and sighted.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he whispered.

He stood up straight, turning his back on you and walking back towards the door.

"Why don't you just tell me then?" you said a bit louder than you had talked the whole night.

He looked back at you, over his shoulder, his hand already on the door handle. He chuckled lowly, what sounded like a sarcastic chuckle, before turning back to you and taking two steps forward. Somehow, his expression had changed and you weren't sure how to read it now. He was bitter.

"You want me to tell you? I just proposed and you have the guts to get sad because I'm marrying Soojin??

"I'm not s-"

"Shut up! Just... Shut up." he begged ironically and you stood quiet, he sighed angrily and looked to his left, avoiding looking at you.

"Maybe you should step away... At least for a while."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Jungkook you're getting married. I can't miss that. I won't miss that!"

"Exactly!" he screamed suddenly and walked quickly towards you. He had never been this angry in front of you and it scared you that you were the reason for his anger. His face was inches away from yours and you could feel his quick breath fanning over your lips. "I'm getting married to Soojin but all I can think about is if I should have proposed to you!" he whispered in your face and you could see his eyes watering, very much like you could feel yours do the same. “You know why I proposed so suddenly? Because Mingyu told me he was going to propose to you and I didn’t want to be the only one feeling miserable!”

"J-Jungkook..." you sighed and Jungkook let his tears fall, furrowing his eyebrows in pure anguish, as he nestled his face on your neck, crying silently. He enveloped your body in his arms and you quickly did the same.

"I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I-I'm in love with you and it scares me to death," he sobbed and your grip on him tightened.

"It's alright... I'm right here..."

You two stayed in that same position for a while, until he calmed down and his sobs stopped.

"What do I do now?" he asked, still laying his head on your chest.

"You do whatever makes you happy," you answered and he kissed your neck, and action that, from him, was already usual.

"Hubby! Can we go home?" Soojin opened the balcony's door, chuckling at the new nickname. Jungkook quickly stepped back and wiped the stray tears on his cheeks away. Sensing your stare on him, he sent you a tiny smile.

Soojin caught your gaze from behind Jungkook's shoulder and sent you a smile, which you retributed.

"Yes babe, let's go..." Jungkook answered after a while. He looked at you, the deepest look in his eyes that you had ever seen. He cupped your cheek as you two heard Soojin walking back inside, to say her goodbyes. “I’ll go now.”

“Please, don’t do this. If you don’t want to marry her, you don’t have to.”

“What do you want?”

You didn’t answer, opting to roll your arms tightly around his neck, as he held your waist, bringing your body impossibly closer to his.

“I love you, Jungkook,” you whispered. “, but this is a decision you have to make.”

And he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to break all the promises he had made to Soojin this past three years. He wasn’t ready to admit that all she was was a way to get to you. He wasn’t ready to admit that at some point in his life he had become a worthless and selfish jerk and that his life had been diminished to you. He wasn’t ready to break every single ethical moral and principle that he had been trying to live by all his life. This decision didn’t come to him, and only him. It came to you, to Soojin, to Mingyu and to everyone surrounding the four of you. It wasn’t his right to break his friends’ hearts and he wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it.

“I’m sorry.”

And he walked away.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook scenarios #scenario #best friends #best friends to lovers #au #best friend!jungkook #they don't get to be overs #lovers #i means #jungkook au #jungkook imagine #jungkook one-shot

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ayyyez · 4 years

Note

Hi! I'm so into FiOE, I love it so much! I was wondering if maybe you couls write about Asana being confronted by both Madara and Tobirama, to chose. I know it seems to illogical for both characters but hey they're so in love with her their lost their brains haha. Love can do that to a person. Thank you so much for open request again!

a/n: bless you for sending me a request with Asana ahhhh I love her so much and I’m glad other people seem to as well! Also loved doing this request! So thank you <3 warnings: none! Links: Fire in Our Eyes (Tobirama/Asana[OC] fic) + The Fire Within (Madara/Asana[OC] Oneshot)

Real talk, if these two came to her, at their wits end and told her to choose (in the early days of courtship) she would laugh. And then she would recollect herself and say ‘Alright I can see the two of you are very serious about this.’ She pauses and it tortures them. ‘I choose neither.’ Then she would go back to whatever it was she was doing.

That’s only if like she isn’t invested enough with them though. Like they haven’t kissed, fked, had some deep deep conversations, missing that and she is just like ‘You know what I don’t have time for this.’ lmao.

But let’s say she is invested. Not just invested but there’s such deep emotional and physical connection between her and both of them she is in a position where she has to pick.

She will avoid them overtime. Hopes the situation sorts itself out. She is way too busy running a hospital she can’t deal with her personal life. They enjoy arguing maybe they can work it out.

But an overnighter working and lack of sleep later she realises she cares about both of them and that is not fair. Fck. Now she has to make the decision. She always has to make the decision. Can life give her break for five minutes please?

Asana tries to think about it logically. She will pick apart each scenario without mercy. She even tries to think how the village would benefit and who is most suited to be her partner and make the village better.

Its a fools errand though. She knows she can’t be logical. (Would honestly choose both if she could but she knows they would never accept that. So she makes her choice.

FIOE Universe and she chooses Tobirama

Asana is most stubborn in this scenario. There is something about bowing to Tobirama’s wishes when, instead of telling her how he feels, he tells her to choose. What kind of confession is that? He got off the hook too easily.

She trusts Tobirama with a lot of things but she cannot trust him with her heart until he proves worthy. Deep down she knows how he feels but she needs him to say. For once in his life he needs to do things not his way.

So being Asana, she goes and confronts him at his home. He has a feeling he knows why she is there but doesn’t know her decision. So, he lets her in and waits for her to talk.

She stares at him in silence for a while - for good measure. Then she gets straight to the point. ‘You want me to choose—to choose you. Why?’ This throws him through a loop.

Tobirama is a little on edge but the only thing he reveals is a little bit of shock. She was always so blunt. Refreshing but taxing on his heart.

‘I would have thought that obvious.’ That’s his answer and he hopes it’s good enough. He isn’t going to get down on his knees and recite poetry. He isn’t going to list the ways he loves her. He has feelings for her and it is as simple and obvious as that.

But Asana doesn’t take that. She can’t. How can he expect her too when all he as given her is circumstance and vague inclinations. For all she knew he could just be doing this so Madara didn’t get her. She knew that wasn’t the case but his words have yet to clear that theory.

‘Pretend I’m simple minded then.’ Asana took a step toward him. ‘Pretend like I can’t read you.’ She took another step. ‘Pretend that you actually want to fight for me.’ She is in front of him, looking at him with such dare and intensity he almost falls forward.

‘And what exactly would that accomplish?’ He asked. He met her stare head on but he knew his eyes revealed everything. He knew it couldn’t hide from her but he chose to try anyway.

‘Everything you have ever wanted.’ Asana replied, softly. ‘That’s what you’ll accomplish—that’s what you’ll gain.’

‘You claim to know what I want?’ His resolve was breaking.

‘No, you did.’ Asana smiled. ‘”I would have thought that obvious.”’

His gaze snapped away. ‘Never before have I been so compromised.’ He let out a heavy sigh and turned back to her. ‘When I’m with you I think things, I feel things I would never before...’ he clenched his jaw and looked back at her. ‘You’ve ruined me, Asana.’

Asana’s lips parted, letting out the faintest gasp. Her eyes flickered down for a second, betraying her own vulnerability. Then they met his again with such assurance, in her self, this moment that it almost frightened Tobirama.

‘I’ve ruined you.’ She sighed. ‘As far as confessions go that has got to be the worst I’ve ever heard.’ She can see the uncertainty in his gaze. ‘But you were right about one thing, Tobirama.’ She paused. ‘I can read you and I know what those words mean—to you anyway.’

Asana reached up and brought a hand to his cheek, fingertips lightly caressing his face. ‘They mean that you chose me, as I do you.’ And before he even has the chance to process those words she kisses him.

The truth was they didn’t really choose each other, their hearts did and against their better judgement.

Asana chooses Madara

Asana did what she does best. She broke into Madara’s home and sat on the table, waiting for his return. And she didn’t have to wait long because before she knew it he was walking through the door.

Madara stopped in the centre of the room with a smirk. ‘No sake today?’ He said, trying to hold her eye. ‘Am I to take that this as bad news then?’

With a sultry smile, Asana pushed herself off the table and walked towards him. ‘Are you expecting bad news?’

‘Well, you do have a choice to make.’ His smile faded. ‘Or do you wish to torture us forever?’

Asana took a long moment to look him up and down. When her eyes met his again, she bore a serious expression. ‘And who was the one who gave me such an ultimatum?’ She paused. ‘You want me to choose you. Why?’

The hint of a smile crossed Madara’s lips. He knew what her visit meant but he wasn’t assured enough to take it as succession on his part. He also didn’t want to scare her away. If there was one thing he knew about Asana, it was that she wasn’t one to be chased by just any suitor.

‘I was party to the ultimatum,’ he paused, his gaze finding her lips. ‘Because I want you.’ His gaze snapped back to hers. There is a hint of surprise on her face followed by a small smile.

‘We all want things, Madara.’ She frowned a little. ‘But we don’t always get what we want. Not by simply wanting it anyway.’ The frown disappeared with the thought. ‘Perhaps the better question is, why do you want me? And why there is a reluctance in your eyes when I ask such a question.’

‘I’m sure you want similar things for similar reasons.’ Madara’s tone grows serious. ‘But one can never be sure of such things. So you will forgive my initial reluctance.’ He stepped closer.

‘Are we doomed to go in sentenced circles until one of us gets to the point, finally?’ Asana whispered, lifting her chin a little to get a better angle at his gaze.

‘Very well then I concede.’ Madara gave a playful huff. ‘I will always concede against you and you know it.’ He leant forward. ‘Because I am yours, whether you will have me or not.’

Asana observed his expression, noted the undeniable honesty that came from the rawness of the moment. She let go a shaky breath. ‘Well then, I guess that answers both our questions.’ And then he kisses her again and again, until he is certain that it isn’t an illusion.

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fairycosmos · 4 years

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When i look in the mirror i don't see a pretty girl, i just see a young girl, and that's what people like and love, that i'm young. I can't help but think that when i, inevitably, get old, people aren't going to like me anymore, and what's more worrisome, i wont love me anymore bc i just come to believe that if im not beautiful(and that means young) im not worthy of people liking me or even loving me. And it's horrible, and i know its false, but i know that its true to some extent too.

:(( i think a lot of people can relate to that, especially other women. our worth is so often defined (in the eyes of others) by our youth and how conventionally beautiful we are perceived as. it’s a very empty way to view a person - to reduce them to such a natural and inconsequential part of their existence. overcoming the confidence issues and the complexes this sort of treatment gives us is often a life long task. it’s alright if it takes a lot of time and effort for you to grow into a level of self certainty that doesn’t depend on the opinions of those around you because you’ve been taught for so long that everything does. i think it’s important to begin with examining why you only feel you can love yourself if others like you - especially if they’re judging you in such a narrow way. you can see logically that their standards are baseless and nonsensical. and if they only value you for your looks, they’re not deserving of everything that you are anyway. there are so many people in this world who will like you for your heart, it’s not asking for too much or impossible to find. even if it seems like it is right now. i know it’s a LOT easier said than done, but i really believe that breaking out of this mind set and healing can happen even AS you’re processing hurt/anger/confusion + whatever else you need to feel. it’s alright to be upset. i dont blame you for the simple fact that it hurts. but just because you’re frustrated that ppl are so (for lack of a better phrase) brain washed by sexist ideals, doesn’t mean you can’t start questioning them and drawing strength from within rather from outside sources. there are a lot of women who talk about getting older as if it’s a very freeing thing. whether or not society is ‘happy’ about it, we grow and we defy everything that they expect us to be and at that point living is a radical act. but we go on anyway, we’re loved anyway, we enjoy the world anyway. because at that point we have learned enough about ourselves and about other people to know that there’s no wrong way to exist. because at that point, it just doesn’t fucking matter. you’re not going to feel the same way about your future as you do right now, once you’re actually living it, you know? the romanticisiation of youth is one of the worlds biggest lies. they just want us to keep chasing something we can never have. plus it’s a symptom of p*dophile culture, but thats a whole other conversation. in reality, we spend more time being middle aged than we ever spend being young - and even then we’re still learning new things, we’re still beautiful beings (beautiful by many definitions) - the world doesn’t end at 30. ultimately, growing up means finding more confidence in our words, actions and experiences rather than in superficial factors that are beyond our control. we’re able to do that because we can refer back to times when our character mattered more than our appearance. maybe right now, you’re just too young to see that like i am. perspective and hindsight will give you so much. and again, the world imposes this self hatred on us from birth, so of course it’s going to impact you. it may be a presence for a long time in the back of your head. but you don’t have to buy into it and you don’t have to view yourself through such a critical lens. if you catch yourself doing so, question where it’s coming from and whether or not it has any actual truth to it. can you trust the narrative enough to live your life by it? try to think about the people in your life, and what you treasure about them. i’m sure it goes way beyond how nice they are to look at or how old they are. anyone with common sense will treat you the same way. ‘worth’ really isn’t something that has to be earned, or something that you can lose with time. you were born with it, and you’ll die with it. but you don’t have to beg anyone else to understand that. if they don’t, it’s because their perception is fundamentally flawed and extremely shallow, so they’re the ones losing at the end of the day. it’s THEIR issue. and it’s not fair that you have to deal with it, not at all. but i really do believe in our own self growth showing us the solutions to our current worries. ppl are fucking mean and disgusting a lot of the time, but if they prove that they’re only around you cause you’re young or pretty, then that’s where you get to draw the line and distance yourself from that toxicity. which is a skill that takes some practice, setting your own boundaries, but very possible nonetheless. anyway so sorry this got long, i really hope you’re able to see that you’re so much more than your practicalities, and that as the years go by, you’ll realize it more and more. ALSO i got your other message and i’m 🥺🥺 literally blushing so much, you’re absolutely the sweetest. i’m honoured to be a comforting presence. i know how hard things are right now, but you’re really not alone. thank you so much for taking my words on board and for caring about my thoughts. take care of yourself and let me know if you ever need a friend ! ily 💖

#luciadelaluna #this is just my op in ee on brw its just my thoughts im not saying im definitely right gjfdlfz

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