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averykedavra · 4 years

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Okay, today we’re talking about that scene in LNTAO. You know. That scene.

Yeah.

The thing about Logan (which I’ve noticed during a super-secret project I’m working on that involved reading all the scripts for TSS) is that he apologizes easily—for small stuff. He probably apologizes more than most characters, and it’s pretty instinctive. He hits Patton accidentally? He apologizes.

LOGAN: I am so sorry. I popped up too close there.

His phone interrupts a question? He apologizes.

LOGAN: I'm sorry, that is my text tone.

He doesn't need Virgil right now but Virgil showed up anyway? He apologizes.

LOGAN: Oh, I'm--I'm sorry, no.

This makes sense. Apologizing is logical. When you've made a small mistake or hurt someone, apologize. So far, Logan's acting in accordance with his logic and being even a little more empathetic than necessary.

Things get more interesting, however, when we cross the line from small nuisances to larger mistakes. It's hard to define the difference but in this case, it's usually when Logan has made a severe error in judgment that has consequences beyond himself. Especially when Thomas is directly or indirectly affected--Thomas is Logan's center and Logan cares deeply about helping and supporting Thomas. So when Logan messes up and accidentally jeopardizes Thomas or leads him astray, he treats this as a serious mistake.

What kind of mistake am I talking about? This kind:

He always apologizes for these, too. It's just not the same way he apologized for the smaller stuff. Instead of a simple 'sorry,' he barely ever uses that word at all. Instead, he says it in a usually circituous way that implies he may have made a mistake. And he focuses on what he can do to fix it and what the next steps may be.

In Mind vs. Heart, his constant arguing with Patton leaves Thomas indecisive and feeling pressured over every little decision. Although Patton immediately starts gushing apologies when he finds out, Logan is more composed.

LOGAN: What can we do to fix this?

In Losing My Motivation, he tries to find the root of Thomas' procrastination and ends up being said root. When he realizes, he almost panics, and Thomas has to calm him down before he spirals. He doesn't fully apologize until the next video, the Q & A.

LOGAN: Maybe we can help you with something in order to make up for mistakes one might have made prior?

In Growing Up, he and Roman talk over Patton and try to convince Thomas to live an entirely different life for the sake of "growing up." It's Logan who realizes something is wrong, and it's Logan who goes to ask someone about it.

LOGAN: I don't think...we have this quite right. Morality? What are we doing wrong?

And this is despite his admission later this same episode:

LOGAN: I do not like being wrong.

In Learning New Things About Ourselves, Logan champions that Thomas needs to change his life around and get a "real" job because nobody takes him seriously. It's maybe his biggest mistake so far in the series. It angers Roman, alienates Virgil, and contributes to Thomas' harmful mindset about his own value as a content creator. When Logan finally realizes that a more silly and joking medium doesn't mean the ideas aren't important and meaningful, he actually apologizes to Roman. In his own roundabout way.

LOGAN: All right, maybe there's some knowledge out there that I wasn't privy to before. Not that I was wrong! But...I should be open to more sources...I-I don't suppose there's anything that I could do to make it up to you?

In Moving On, Logan suggests they go to Patton's room without realizing that as Thomas is a chronic worrier, nostalgia could have adverse effects on his mental health and his anxiety.

LOGAN: Ugh, such a foolish oversight on my part.

(Logan uses the word 'foolish' a lot when insulting himself or someone else. He uses it to describe Thomas' new hair that makes him feel silly, them turning into puppets, and here, himself. He also uses the term 'ridiculous' multiple times, as well as 'silly,' 'preposterous,' and 'stupid.' Stupid especially is something he apparently hates to be called. But we'll get back to that.)

In Moving On Pt. 2, after Logan leaves in frustration when no one heeds his warnings, he says this line when the other Sides apologize for not listening:

LOGAN: All that matters is how we proceed.

And that basically sums it up. Despite his self-proclaimed "fondness for being told that [he's] right," Logan always owns up to his mistakes and looks to better himself. (Eventually. And it does sometimes require him being called out on it, or he might not realize it is a mistake.)

One of my personal beliefs is that Logan's love language is "acts of service." He struggles with verbal affirmations, as shown in Alone on Valentine's Day when he attempts to say a verbal "I love you." Instead, he expresses care by helping others with their issues and adding knowledge to their discussions. Logan's way of showing appreciation is to be helpful. (Which adds another layer to his frustration when he's ignored--it's literally the people he loves not understanding or outright rejecting his way of showing connection and compassion.)

But yeah. What we've seen is that Logan struggles with verbal apologies for more serious grievances, especially when it includes him admitting he's wrong. But he still attempts them and always says "How do I fix this?" He works to right his wrongs and make things better. As I said above, so much of Logan's drive is to be helpful and to support Thomas. If he fails at this, he tries harder the next time. Sometimes this works, sometimes this doesn't, but being helpful is his end goal and what he defaults to when he feels he's made a mistake.

With all this in mind, let's return to that scene in Learning New Things About Ourselves.

Logan has just made probably his biggest mistake toward another Side. Him and Roman argue a lot, and sometimes Logan strikes at vulnerabilities intentionally or unintentionally, but he has never outright tried to hurt Roman. Until now. Roman calls his love of clarity in communication "stupid." And Logan crumples up his flashcard and throws it at Roman's face.

That itself is an expression of anger that's pretty uncharacteristic for Logan. He usually fights with words, not actual violence. Everyone's shocked. And none more so than Logan himself.

He's made a mistake. He hasn't directly harmed Thomas, but he's hurt one of his friends, and there's no justification for the way he lashed out. And he apologizes easily. But this apology is different from all his others. Let's break it down.

LOGAN: I'm sorry, I don't know what that was. Maybe I should go.

The first part. 'I'm sorry.' A simple, quick apology.

Except we've seen that he struggles with this. He never directly apologizes for anything major in the series, especially not right away. This is something instinctive. It's the same instinct as when he says 'sorry' for popping up too close and hitting Patton in the nose. He's seen a friend get hurt, so he apologizes. It's interesting that he has this same instinct with Patton and Roman, despite the fact that Roman just insulted him and they have a famously strained relationship. He sees he's hurt Roman physically and he apologizes.

(It's also notable that if Logan saw such outward signs of hurt emotionally, he might go a little easier on Roman, but Roman has always been good at hiding his emotions. Logan can't pick up as easily on the subtle things. He needs outward pain, and Roman is practiced in not showing that.)

The second part. 'I don't know what that was.'

This is even more worrying. Logan is admitting he doesn't know something. Logan is saying he doesn't understand why he did something, when he's usually a very rational person. He just acted on emotion. He lashed out in anger. And he doesn't understand that. So he can't even admit his mistake fully, because he doesn't know why it happened--he can't pin it on a lack of information, or an oversight, or not listening to every source. There's no logical way to explain what happened, at least to him. Because he denies that he has emotions and is influenced by them.

Therefore, he's already floundering in this apology. How is he supposed to apologize when he doesn't understand why he did what he did, and how is he supposed to correct a mistake when he doesn't understand why it happened?

This brings us to part three. 'Maybe I should go.'

Take a good look at that. Logan, Logic Sanders, whose whole existence revolves around helping Thomas, is offering to leave an important discussion.

He's committed an error. He's apologized. This is usually when he offers to make things better, to say he won't do this again and that he's learned from his mistakes and asks what he can do to make it up to them. Here, he's found a solution like that: he offers to leave. He says "I have made a mistake, I don't understand what happened, and I'm going to leave so I don't repeat that mistake."

In a horrible way, it's almost logical. If he doesn't understand why he did something, the easiest way to prevent such a thing from reoccurring is to change the situation and prevent himself from physically doing it again. But this is also extremely harmful. Logan has essentially given up on helping Thomas because he hurt his friend and doesn't know how to keep himself from doing it again.

He doesn't know, and that terrifies him.

So he immediately offers to leave. As if that's the most helpful thing he can do to make up for his actions: spare everyone his company. Stop contributing to the discussion, stop helping the person he cares about most, stop expressing his affection and love through helpful facts and encouraging discussions.

This isn't the first or last time that he leaves a discussion. He's done so in anger in both Moving On and Putting Others First, both times motivated by frustration at not being listened to or cared about. But it can be clearly seen that this comes from an entirely different motivation. He's hesitant and afraid of himself and what just happened. Patton yells "No!" right after Logan suggests this, and Logan visibly flinches. And when Patton continues, Logan still looks surprised, as if Patton isn't making any sense.

And after this, Logan is still a little hesitant. He pauses before clarifying "Like Maria?" and after talking about how the Snuffleupagusses (pardon the spelling if it’s incorrect) aren't imaginary, mutters to himself "Clarity" as if he's trying to convince himself of something. That's the same 'clarity' that Roman called him stupid for before. It's as if Logan's asserting his own belief that clarity is important after Roman made him doubt that.

Logan ruffles his hair, takes a deep breath, and that's the end of the scene. But the vulnerability in that moment, right after he hurt someone close to him, is still a rare moment of a Logan who has completely let his guard down. He's almost helpless, because he has no idea what to do. So he defaults to trying to help, and in this moment of uncertainty, he can only picture himself "helping" by leaving.

LOGAN: I'm sorry, I don't know what that was. Maybe I should go.

It's perhaps Logan's most sincere apology to date. However, the baggage it comes with and the situation itself make it less than a perfect moment. Instead, it reveals how unequipped Logan feels to handle his own emotional outbursts, how much he values helping others, and how he's beginning to start feeling like when he messes up, the best thing for everyone is to stay out of the way.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #sanders sides theory #logan sanders angst #logan sanders theory #averywrites #i'm kinda proud of this so rbs are appreciated!!#and feel free to add stuff!!#tw caps

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soda-pop-kandy-krush · 3 years

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prinxiety for the otp t-word list?👉👈 also... here’s a tiny dinosaur for your trouble🦕! -🌹

omg thank you for the tiny dino! 🥺 let’s go, prinxiety!!

1. Who has the cutest tickle laugh?

ooooooof it’s a tricky one... i’m so indecisive i think i’m going to have to go with both BUT they’re cute for different reasons: roman’s is all giddy and joyful but in a dorky kinda way like he’s really enjoying himself and just can’t help but burst into carefree laughter, and virgil’s is cute because it’s really sweet and bashful since he’s a liiiittle embarrassed when it comes to being tickled (despite the fact that he loves it), so he tries to hold it in a little- but roman always notices this and is like ‘uh-uh, no way’ and goes for a really good spot so that he squeals, breaking the barrier so that he can’t hide his little giggles anymore hehe

2. Who is ticklish in unusual places and where would that be?

virgillllll for sure. he strikes me as someone who’s ticklish all over, but in particular, his back and his ears, which are spots that roman loves to trace when they cuddle because he makes these funny little snuffling noises and has the biggest grin on his face

3. Who gets cheer-up tickles?

i want to say both, but under the sole circumstances that its to cheer them up from something not so serious. i feel like it would just make them grumpier/angrier if one tried to tickle the other after, like, a huge argument or if they were genuinely upset. but if they’ve just had a silly little spat or one of them is feeling kind of down, they deeeefinitely get tickled until they start smiling again

4. Who takes advantage of the other one getting their arms stuck while taking off their shirt?

virgil does this to roman ALL the time because his worst spots are his ribs and armpits, and roman knows this and thus gets super skittish when he’s trying to change in the morning/before bed because all virgil has to do is look over and smirk a little before roman is giggling/yelling ‘NO DON’T YOU DARE-’

5. How did they discover each other’s ticklishness?

virgil is so sensitive that it’s basically impossible NOT to realise he’s ticklish asdhfhfgh so it probably happened when roman gave him a playful poke to the side and his legs buckled, launching them into an incredibly one-sided tickle war. but roman shouldn’t think he’ll get away that easily, because virgil absolutely gets him back later when they go to bed (even if it only lasts a couple of seconds before roman flips them over to pin him down for round two)

6. Who can’t take tickle bites?

VIRGIL VIRGIL VIRGIL omg they make him weak. weak!!! if you thought his limbs turned into noodles when being tickled normally, he’s completely useless when you start nibbling around his ribs and belly. rip emo.

7. Who has to be tickle-forced out of bed in the morning?

funnily enough, i think this one suits roman! i can imagine virgil being too antsy to stay in bed all day, so he wakes up hours before roman and is content to let him be until a reasonable time, but after that he will show no mercy and take advantage of his lack of protection to sit on his back and get him good.

8. Who gives up in a tickle fight?

despite being reigning champion of all tickle fights, wars, and battles, if virgil manages to jam his fingers under romans arms then its game over for princey. he absolutely cannot take what he dishes out when it comes to his worst spots and will do literally anything to escape ashsjffgh

9. Who is in danger of getting hurt when attacking the other?

like i said, virgil doesn’t really try and shove roman away, he just curls up in a little ball and will occasionally bat at his hands, but roman is a different story... lmao that boy is like a worm, he’ll wriggle around and try to wrestle his way out of virgil’s grip as much as he can, so virgil tries not to let things get too out of hand lest he find a surprisingly bad spot that they didn’t know about before and roman accidentally punches him in the face 😭

10. Who always provokes the other into tickling them and how?

both of them are soooo guilty of this lmao. i feel like they go for the same kind of tactic where they constantly nudge and distract the other; roman loves the old ‘poke-and-look-away’ trick because he thinks he’s being slick but really, who the hell is he kidding because virgil knows and so won’t wait long before jumping to action. but when he wants roman to tickle him, he’s way too shy about it to do something so obvious, so he’ll wait it out until the evening when they’re chilling in their pjs and he’ll cuddle up to him and let his shirt ride up a little and start playing with his fingers, and roman pretends to be oblivious but is secretly like 😌😌 so will force poor virgil to wait for a good ten minutes before he suddenly latches onto his stomach and makes him shriek

#this is SO LONG oh my god #but I loved writing it so idec #thank you for sending in an ask!! 🥺🥺#🌹 anon #prinxiety #lee!virgil #ler!roman #lee!roman #ler!virgil #headcanon #tss tickle

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tscinderellacomplex · 2 years

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completely unrelated to the post i just made but what if when the polycule grows up they all decide to adopt a kid

with the way things are, i imagine only two of them would be allowed to be married (i guess i could change that since this is my au i make the rules but i feel like it adds flavor making thomas choose if he wants to marry nico or remy) (he still dates both of them but still)

i bet the decision would be really difficult. nico and remy both kinda don’t care too much about weddings, but thomas is so worried that this decision could make or break the relationship. whoever he doesn’t choose would feel like the third wheel in their own relationship and he can’t possibly make this decision

eventually remy insists that it’s fine, that thomas should marry nico. in fact they demand it. they would’ve really liked to have married thomas but they didn’t need it. they saw what marriage did to their parents (it was more the money than the marriage itself but still)

so thomas and nico get legally married. then thomas decides to unofficially marry remy in his backyard, with roman as the “minister”, joan as thomas’s best man (person?), and nico volunteers to be remys best man (…person? fuck gender idk)

idk, all this to say, thomas and nico would like front as the monogamous married couple,,, and remy and thomas are also very much in love. so they decide to become parents (kinda the only reason they discussed marriage which kinda makes thomas’s indecision way funnier lmao) and all this to say at some point in the future they adopt a little boy named gavin yes this is canon to at some point in the future <3 thomas and remy are 16 and nico is 17 so this would probably be quite a few years later in the future

idk i just thought of it when i thought of virgil dressing as miles morales for halloween :,)

anyway can we pls talk about the kind of parents the polycule would be i have Thoughts(tm)

#ccau general #cc thomas #cc nico #cc remy #thomsleepco #thomsleep #pintroverts

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depressedacadamia · 3 years

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Book Review on The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Overall, this book took my heart, smashed it into pieces and then proceeded to burn them. Suzanne Collins does an excellent job at portraying Coriolanus as a conflicted protagonist from the start; in doing so, she manages to make the reader feel sympathy for him. Thus when Snow starts acting up, the reader feels obliged to stand by his side and you yourself feel conflicted- similar to the protagonist.

This by far is one of the best books I've ever read due to the turning of the main character. He starts out as a guy who hates The Hunger Games and the war and over the course of the book, he starts to do small things that would be seen as immoral. By the end of the book, he's betrayed and gotten his best friend killed, killed the mayor's daughter, attempted to abandon and then kill his girlfriend. By the very end, we are met with the cruel and infamous President Snow that is featured in The Hunger Games trilogy. I think this turning of character is done well by Collins because by the end of the book the reader hates the acts that Coriolanus has performed but it's still hard to hate Coriolanus himself after getting such a beautifully written backstory.

I think another reason I loved this book was because it explained the background of the Hanging Tree song. I absolutely loved the song and the second I read the first 2 verses in this book and how it was written, I could just tell that Coriolanus was going to do something bad. I think the writing behind the character Lucy Gray was splendidly done and it reminded me of Luna Lovegood. I think the reason why Snow is pitied in this book is partly due to Lucy Gray. Lucy Gray is a character with morals- strong ones that she firmly believes in. Snow, as established by the end of the book, is an immoral character so the fact that these two characters have any sort of interest in each other, a love interest especially, really allows us to connect to Snow and sympathise for him- maybe even root for him. It's a complete juxtaposition of the characters as well. Lucy Gray and Coriolanus Snow are complete opposites and yet they are attracted to each other. It really displays how Corionlanus needed someone with a different perspective and for all his life that person was Sejanus. When he starts growing away from Sejanus, he turns to Lucy Gray. Snow is constantly selfish, as seen in the manner in which he uses people. Alas, in the end, Snow did try and kill Lucy Gray and then proceeded to run away. While his rebellious acts at the beginning seemed to be the right thing, we as readers witness how all along these acts were all for him, not Sejanus or Lucy Gray.

Oh my goodness, lets not forget the insight behind the white roses over here! Finally, we get the entire backstory to the roses and I think because of that, the symbolisation of them is emphasised. At first, the roses are seen (in the Hunger Games trilogy) as a malicious part of Snow’s personality- a sign of revenge. The white rose was a symbol of purity and innocence - something that President Snow clearly isn’t. To add on to my point, his name is Coriolanus Snow . The irony is unfathomable; his surname and symbol both suggest purity and yet he is the complete opposite. I’d also like to quickly talk about his first name, Coriolanus. For those who don’t know, Coriolanus was a Roman general who thought he was a bit too great and became an enemy of Rome. The fact that his name is the name of a traitor and his second name is Snow immediately foreshadows that he will become a traitor. Later on in the book, Snow disobeys many Capitol rules and is forced to become a peacekeeper where he breaks more rules and then tries to kill his own girlfriend. The inability to maintain loyalty to one side further suggests that Snow is indecisive and only does what is best for him in a certain situation. The white roses symbolise that he is deceiving due to the fact that white roses mean much more than just purity. The complete juxtaposition of character compared to his name and symbol further highlights the manipulative tendencies as well as his need to maintain a flawless public image. It really illustrates his desire to appear as a person of the people. However, White roses are also a symbol of death. This complete oxymoron of purity and death fits in well with Snow’s malicious behaviour. The white roses are alluring- something that one cannot help but be attracted to however once you pick the rose, you are more than likely to die. This perfectly sums up the characteristics of Snow. The roses are a trap, similar to his cunning and crafty behaviour. Snow’s white roses symbolize his obsession over maintaining a perfect public image all while manipulating those around him and destroying those he wants gone, in an elegant and discreet manner.

If I were to improve this book, I'd say there is a part in the middle where it just loses its mojo. I had to put down the book for a few days because I genuinely couldn't manage to continue paying attention to the book. While the mass majority of this book is very fast paced and full of plot twists- the middle just slows down- Of course, it's okay for book to do that and often times, the book itself often benefits from it but I felt that right here it didn't very well. Coriolanus is a peacekeeper and what else is new? I just felt like I was waiting for something that was never going to come. However, I kept reading and thank God for that. Sejanus's death was the saddest death scene I've ever read. I think the fact that we as reader don't know if Sejanus knows whether Snow betrayed him or not makes the death so meaningful. His last words is him calling out for his mother- who we know loves him very much. Lucy Gray is there mourning. Coriolanus is mourning and yet the whole time he is still thinking about himself. Does Sejanus know what he did? Does anyone else know? Worst of all, after Sejanus dies, one of Snow's first thoughts is that he is safe from the Capitol ever finding out what happens. This just goes to prove Coriolanus's selfish and immoral nature. But the ending of this book is what put the cherry on top for me. I think a specific part of the epilogue in particular got to me. It was went we find out that the Plinths and the Snows are kind of one big family now. In particular, Strabo treating Coriolanus like his own son. Earlier in the book it's mentioned that Strabo would much rather Coriolanus to be his son rather than his actual child, Sejanus. I think it is simply so heartbreaking to see Strabo treat Coriolanus like his son when he didn't treat Sejanus in the same way. At the end it is strongly hinted that Coriolanus poisoned Dean Highbottom which once and for all settles Snow's true nature. It reveals the truth that Coriolanus will kill for power and that he will stop at nothing to get what he wants. He just like his father Crassus- the person who stole Dean's idea of the Hunger Games and actually pitched it (despite Dean's subjections to it). Manipulative, deceiving and ruthless, Coriolanus Snow is the evil protagonist and Collins ends the book with a classic overarching loop. In the first Hunger Games book, Snow was evil, and now at the end of the last book ( well, that we know of), Snow has been portrayed in many different lights and has returned to the one that suited him most. Being a villain.

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percimmonhellyeah · 4 years

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A New Friend - Logince Vore

Roman, the ruler of a noble elf kingdom, is injured, though a certain human is curious enough to take him back to their lab and help him.

Ship: Pred!Logan x Prey!Elf!Roman

Word Count: 3.1k

a/n: This was a request from @indecisive-loser on tumblr! He made this beautiful drawing of one of my other fics here and thought I’d make something back!

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A cool summer’s breeze passed by, making the tree’s leaves rustle in the distance and the tall grass sway. There Logan stood in the grassy field and watched as the sun sunk down behind the earth. He sighed, trying to enjoy the moment before he headed back to his lab. He’d been studying the plant-life and wildlife around this field as he heard there was potentially a new species of frog or snake around the area. Discovering a new species would be one of his greatest achievements, of course if he actually found one. He’d been looking for one of these new snakes or frogs but he’s yet to see one. It was a bit discouraging, as he’d been looking in these fields for nearly a year now, but at least the place had plenty of other wildlife to study.

Logan looked over to his lab that hid among the trees in the distance, smiling at it. Another wind blew by, making the grass sway even more and brush at his sides. He took a deep breath in, taking that as his queue to leave the field and go back to his cozy lab, well as cozy as a lab can get. A yawn escaped his mouth as he walked across the field, letting his hands touch the tall grass. He’d been outside since six in the morning now that he thought about it. He glanced down at his wristwatch, checking the time. It was just about to become eight. He hummed realizing he’d been out the entire day, though it was a bit obvious with the tired look on his face. The air started to grow just a bit colder, waking him up a bit more. Soon, he was just at the edge of the forest, and he saw the small dirt pathway that led to his lab. To be honest, he kind of lived there since he spent so much time in it. It was his pride and passion to go there everyday to study the wildlife. Another yawn escaped his mouth as he looked over to the forest. He wanted to venture into the forest today, but something told him not to, at least until now.

As strange as it was for Logan to think this, he did feel some kind of presence nudging him to go deeper into the forest. He glanced over to the sky. The sun hadn’t fully set, and it would still be at least a bit sunny for another hour. Plus, he had a flashlight and a map of the place in case he was to get lost. A warmth flooded in him as he stepped into the forest, looking around. There wasn’t much to see at this time of night, at least from what he’s gathered looking around here countless times now. That was, until a small group of fireflies danced around a particular spot near a tree. The base of the tree had tall grass hiding it. He blinked at the unusual site. The grass was much taller than all the other grass surrounding it, and what was with the fireflies all gathering here? He glanced around again, seeing no other fireflies glowing anywhere else in the forest. With a slow step, he walked over to the tree and kneeled down. His hands reached over to the tall grass, pushing it aside. As soon as all the grass was out of his way, his eyes widened, and his mouth went ajar. It was an elf.

Logan never believed in the fae or magical creatures, but with what was in front of him, it was clear as day that they existed. The light from the fireflies illuminated the tiny elf. As he looked closer, he saw their pointy ears and beautiful brown hair. They wore a white shirt adorned with gold that was slightly ripped and had a small red sash across their body. Their pants were also ripped and worn down. What happened here? He got on his stomach, looking even closer, the fireflies now glowing brighter, and that’s when he saw it. Their back had a massive wound that was covered by the sash. Thankfully, it looked like most of the bleeding had stopped, but they were certainly in critical condition. If he left them out here, who knew what would come hurt them next.

Logan frowned at the site as he dug through one of his pockets. He soon pulled out a small clean rag, and, with a careful hand, he scooped up the tiny elf and stood up. He held them close to his chest and even through the rag, he could feel how cold they were. The sun was soon disappearing from the sky, the field and forest becoming darker and darker. A wind blew past him, making him shiver at the cold. He held the elf closer, trying to block as much of the wind as possible from their tiny frail body. The white light from the lab illuminated the path, making him smile. At least he knew he couldn’t get lost. Once he reached his lab, he entered and went over to his desk, ready to help the elf.

✰✰✰✰✰

Warmth. It was warm when Roman woke up. His eyes fluttered open, and his head spun as he tried to get up. Where was he again? He was out on his daily walk through the forest then he blacked out. His thoughts scrambled to find out what happened until something caught his attention. Something soft and tight was wrapped around his body. He touched his back, his memories becoming clearer as he woke up. Soon, a softness brushed at his leg. Slowly, he sat up, looking down on the fabric he was sitting on. He blinked. Didn’t he pass out on the grass? Finally, he looked up seeing the bars of the small cage he was in and a human right next to it, tinkering with some liquids. His body shook for a second until he took in a deep breath. He had to admit, it was a scary sight to be so close to a human, but he needed to get back to his kingdom soon before everyone thought he was dead!

“Hey!” Roman yelled as he stood up, “Release me, you terrible beast!”

All of a sudden, the ground shook as the human turned to face him. He gulped as he stared right into their eyes.

“Oh, you’re awake,” they started, “Is your wound healing?”

He blinked, startled that they’d even ask such a thing. Humans were monsters! He took another look around. The room was filled with beakers and all types of glass tools. In the distance, there were some mice and other creatures locked in a cage. All of a sudden, his heart sunk as he looked back at the human that seemed to tower above him. He saw their white coat they had on over their black shirt and blue tie. They were a scientist.

“I said release me you beast!” Roman yelled again, trying to sound tough.

“Alright then, though you don’t need to yell.”

Roman backed away from the bars of the cage as the human opened the door. He dashed as soon as it was open until the human’s hand just stayed there, their palm open. He backed away again, wary. He didn’t want to get hurt once more, especially in the hands of a beast.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” the human said, “I’d just like a closer look.”

He looked back at the hand then at the floor, contemplating. Humans were nothing but monsters! Though, if they really intended to hurt him, they could’ve done it when they first found him. He was already unconscious at the time, so it would’ve been the perfect opportunity to kill him! Yet here he was with his back wrapped up and wound cleaned. He looked back up to the hand, making a decision. A deep breath entered his tiny lungs as he stepped closer to the opening of the cage. He shook a bit though soon calmed himself down as they stepped on to the human’s warm enormous hand. As careful as he could, he walked over their fingers and soon sat in the palm of their hands.

Roman grabbed onto one of their giant fingers as they moved their hands closer to their face. Their eyes scanned over his tiny form, making him back up, and eyed them back with suspicion.

“What’s your name? My name is Logan”

Roman blinked, certainly not expecting a human to ask for his name.

“I’m Prince Roman, and I demand to leave! My people need me, or my kingdom will crumble into chaos!”

“You’re royalty? How fascinating…” they said, “How about a deal? I’ll let you go by morning if I can research you.”

Roman put a hand on his chin as his mind swirled with all types of ideas. Should he trust Logan? Should he try to escape? All of a sudden, he started to shiver just a bit from the cold. Even with the warm palms underneath him, it wasn’t enough to warm him up in this big lab he was in. He squeaked when the hands soon cupped him in a bit more. A glance at Logan made his decision clear. As cold as their face was, there was just a hint of genuine concern. He looked back up again, taking in a deep breath.

“Alright, I’ll let you research me if it means I’m protecting my people from you.”

“I don’t intend to hurt you if that’s what you are saying… I was only going to ask questions about your species. Also, what exactly are you?”

From there, Roman ranted on about how marvelous elves were. They were practically humans, though much smaller. He yapped on about his kingdom and of course himself for hours on end, only stopping when Logan asked a specific question. As he continued to talk and talk, his tiny stomach grumbled. He blinked, realizing he hadn’t eaten anything that day. He looked up and he swore there was a faint smile painting Logan’s face.

“Are you hungry? I have some food,” Logan asked.

“Only a bit. I don’t think I’ve ever had human food before.”

Something in Logan suddenly made them smile more and almost look giddier. Their powerful hands brought Roman closer to their chest as they walked over to a cabinet. Soon, they opened it, revealing jars upon jars of some kind of red substance. A small loaf of bread, at least that’s what he thought it was called, laid on the bottom shelf. Logan grabbed the loaf of bread and a jar out of the cabinet, now sitting at a table nearby. He looked at the jar’s contents, never having seen something like it before.

“It’s called jam.”

Roman blinked as Logan spoke. Soon, their hand laid flat on the table, him now taking the hint and climbing off. He hugged himself. It was still a bit cold in the lab, but he’d certainly been in much colder weather. He must’ve been in Logan’s hands too long and got used to their warmth. A clank rang in his ears when Logan opened the jar of jam and spread it on to a small piece of bread, which he assumed was for him. His feet shuffled backward as they handed the piece of bread to him. A deep breath entered his lungs, his legs a bit shaky, though he quickly calmed himself down. With some hesitance, he took the bread and the jam on top and took a small bite. His eyes widened, captured by the flavor.

“This taste marvelous!”

“I know! I’m not one for sweets, but this always puts a smile on my face,” Logan said as they took their own piece of bread and spread some jam on it. Soon, they took a bite, Roman watching as they ate. He looked back down at his own bread and scarfed it down. He didn’t realize just how hungry he was.

“Would you like more?”

Soon, Roman nodded, a big smile forming on his face. He warmed up to the human quite a bit even though they only met that night. Something told him they would keep their word and not hurt his kingdom. Logan took another piece of bread and spread some jam on to it. They put it on a tea plate and slid it over to him. Quickly, he ripped off a piece of bread and munched on it, loving the flavor, and feeling in his mouth. He caught a glimpse of Logan smiling as he continued to eat their jam covered bread.

As Roman kept eating, he felt a warmth on his back followed by a light now casting a shadow down on the table. He turned around to see light filling the window nearby and he soon yawned. Were they both really up the whole night? Another yawn escaped his mouth, covering it with a hand. The bread he ate didn’t help much as it only made him even more tired. All of a sudden, he heard Logan yawn, too. He’d guess they’d been up for quite a while, probably longer than him. He looked back out the window as he touched the cloth that wrapped around his wound. He needed to go back to his kingdom, but his eyes were starting to grow heavy, wanting at least a nap.

“Are you tired?”

Roman just nodded and yawned as if on cue. Logan smiled more offering their hand. He scrambled on to it enjoying the small warmth from them. Soon, he looked up as they moved to a more comfortable plush chair and as they sat, a bit of hesitance and curiosity sprinkled on their face.

“Would you like to sleep in my storage stomach? I doubt the table would do much good.”

“Human’s have storage stomachs?”

“Some do… This should be my final experiment with you, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to, though I assure you it’s completely safe. I’ll let you go right after if you do want to do the experiment.”

Roman looked down with a hand on his chin. He could just be let go now, but he’d risk getting attacked again with how tired he was. But Logan’s offer did sound quite relaxing… He’d never been in a storage stomach before, and it would certainly be a lovely story to tell back home. A deep breath filled his lungs as he looked back up to them.

“Alright, I’ll do it. How shall we uh… start?”

“I’ll open up my mouth so you can crawl in. If anything goes wrong just tell me. I’ll do the rest. Are you ready?”

Logan’s hands moved up closer to their lips. Roman stared in awe at the sight, shaking from the fear and excitement that ran through him.

“Yes…”

Finally, Logan’s mouth opened, and his jaw dropped at how marvelous their mouth looked. Their teeth were nearly a perfect white and their tongue looked as soft as the grass in the fields. As he came closer, a warm breath rolled over him that smelled of mint and jam. Not a scar or scratch lined the inside of their cheeks. The tongue soon rolled over their teeth, waiting for him to crawl in. He took in one more deep breath as he looked around, and soon crawled on to the soft tongue.

A strong warmth hit him as he was pulled inside, feeling even more of their breath wrap him. Carefully, he turned around so he could face the outside of their mouth. The light coming from the lab shone into their mouth, illuminating the entrance of their throat he’d soon be going down. Another breath washed over him, the warmth so inviting. He took one more good look around their mouth before they slowly closed it, darkness now surrounding him.

Soon, the tongue pinned Roman to the roof of Logan’s mouth. A small hum came out from him as their tongue squished his tiny body. The miniscule bumps on the tongue trailed his face. He held on to it, hugging it and cuddling into it. The tongue soon went down as he heard a hum from Logan. His face warmed up, almost matching with the heat that was in their mouth. Thank goodness they couldn’t see him, or he might’ve fainted! He cuddled more and more into the soft slimy flesh and let himself relax. Soon, a squeak escaped his mouth as he felt them start to tilt their head back. For a moment, his heart stopped, an instinctual fear kicking in. He took in a deep breath as he slid down to the entrance of their throat. The tip of their tongue curled over his head, giving him one last lick as he was finally gulped down into their throat.

The throat muscles was quick to massage at Roman’s tiny form, making him hum even more. It was a tad bit tight, but he didn’t mind it much, especially since he hadn’t relaxed this much in quite a while. Running a kingdom was hard work after all. Soon, he was squished even more into the muscles, certain it was Logan pressing their neck. Though soon, the pressure disappeared. A loud heartbeat and deep breathing rang in his ears as he continued to go down, deeper into their core. Finally, his legs squirmed into a much larger place, followed by the rest of him plopping down into their stomach.

Roman’s heart raced, trying to take everything in. To his surprise, there was a small blue glow coming from the mucus that lined their storage stomach, allowing him to see. With a gentle step, he stood up walking around in absolute awe. He pressed a hand into the stomach walls, entranced at his hands sinking into the folds. As soon as he pulled away, his hands started to glow from the mucus that stuck to him.

“Are you alright?” Logan’s booming voice echoed throughout the stomach.

“Yes! I’m alright!”

He continued to look around, exploring. Other than the mucus, there was no stomach acid in sight. He guessed he was right to trust the human. He took in a deep breath as he laid down, letting the warmth lull him to sleep. A yawn escaped his mouth as he snuggled into the folds.

“Hey, Logan?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for saving me. I’m not sure what I would’ve done without you…”

There was a small silence between both of them until Logan spoke.

“It’s… no problem. Sleep well, Roman…”

And with that, Roman’s eyes closed, relaxing into the walls of his new friend, falling asleep.

#sanders sides vore #tss vore #infinitesimal!sides #extreme cuddling #soft vore #safe vore #pred!logan #prey!roman #sanders sides g/t #g/t sanders sides

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lycanthrop-ee · 3 years

Text

Hello! Here is this!

I will definitely be making tweaks and adding songs! This is not final, I'm an indecisive mess sjjdjd

Track list and related plot points:

We're Gonna Be Friends- oh, this one is really fun because of all the parallels! It's applicable to Patton and Virgil, of course, but also Logan and Virgil later on and Remus and Roman as well.

Comfort Crowd- this is a classic Patton song! I feel like Virgil and Patton hung out a lot because being together just made them feel better about everything, and this song definitely reflects that from Patton's pov.

Hug All Ur Friends- this one reminds me of V and Pat's friendship from V's point of view!

Two Birds- okay this is where it starts to hurt- this can be applied to Virgil continuing life while Patton's stops moving forward. This song and the next is where the playlist moves from era 1 to era 2. Some lines of this track also apply to Logan leaving his family behind.

Empty Bed- this one is Patton's perspective of leaving Virgil behind, although there won't be any ghosts or afterlife-y themes in this AU.

Downhill- this one is back with Virgil trying to deal with Patton's death. The lines "I went downhill at such steep incline/That my rearview mirror showed me only the sky" are especially poigniant, as they reflect Patton's death via car accident.

Dread in my Heart- the next few songs go between Logan and Virgil- this one is about the former, struggling to be optimistic about his new living situation and plans while haunted by guilt about leaving his younger brothers.

Body- more Virgil grieving oops

a conversation about identity- Logan feeling anxious and aimless, even while overworking himself in online school as he tries to forget about his past.

Francis Forever- more grieving time!

Ghosting- this is where the plot kicks back in. Virgil starts hanging around the house while Logan's living there, and L literally and figuratively lets him in. Now he's trying to get used to the house without Patton- and Logan in his place.

I Can't Handle Change- this one explores both of them in different verses! I think the first two really relate to Virgil, especially with the house, the rest of the verses are Logan but can be applied to both.

Bugbear- this one I could go into pretty line-for-line, but overall it represents Logan's mental state about school with Virgil added to the equation- specifically the lines "I feel so brain dead next to you/It's not like you intended to/Hurt me or make me feel that way" in relation to his Totally Not Falling In Love Disease and not quite understanding it.

Line Without a Hook- this is a bit of a fast-forward, but it's the first mutual love song of the playlist! It fits their relationship really well!

16/04/16 (Jack's Song)- this song signifies Virgil finally reaching a bit of acceptance over Patton's death and being able to remember him without it hurting. This is the Our Boy Is Healing song! Sure hope nothing goes to shit or anything after this!

Be Nice To Me- this one takes place a little while after Logan brings the twins home. The change is weighing on Virgil, and they're struck again by how different Logan is from Patton. Logan's spending a lot of time and energy with his little brothers, and the extra stress is making him irritable and tired, which in turn forces Virgil to face a lot of his internalized anger, current and past.

Good For You- the quintessential Everything Goes To Shit song! The relationship between him and his mother is very similar to Evan's, so it's mostly the mother's verses that apply, but the overwhelming energy of the song is definitely something Virgil starts to feel.

Out Like a Light- okay I'm gonna be honest with you right now. This one's mostly about the Vibes. There's a bit of a gap here, but mostly what happens here is Virgil realizes that none of it is Logan's fault- in fact, Lo's done so much for him the whole time they've known each other, and V would be lost without him. We're back to the They're In Love Your Honor songs jdjdjd

A Wistful Waltz- They're In Love Your Honor

Talk to Me- it's a pretty safe bet that I'm going to leave this as the last song, even if I add some more in between. As you may have noticed, this au is very Analogical centric, and this song kind of represents the safety they find in each other throughout their struggles. It's cheesy and I love it, okay? Cope jsjdjsnd

Taglist that I forgot before jdjdjd:

@ab-artist

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logical-little-lies · 4 years

Text

{Chapter 4- Discussions and Punishments}//Soft,Cute, and Far Smarter Than You (Sanders Sides Agere/CGLRE)

A/N: I don’t wanna be the one to beg for reblogs or votes, but I feel like people aren’t seeing my stuff much anymore? Or I’m just not getting a lot of feedback. So if you enjoyed this, please support it and reblog/leave a comment or something, I appreciate stuff like that so much!

Logan did not see the point in this. He did not wanna suffer through this conversation with his caregiver, but Patton said that it should happen. When Logan and Virgil revealed their headspaces back to back, Patton and Roman both had questions. And now that Patton has gotten to see Logan in his headspace a few times, he had a few more.

So that's what this was, an opportunity for Patton to ask Logan questions and hopefully get honest responses. "I know, I know. You don't wanna do this, but I have so much that I'm curious about! I feel like there's certain things I should know if I'm gonna keep being your caregiver."

Logan sat in his chair, spun around so that he was facing his bed, where Patton sat. Patton figured he'd be more comfortable in his room without the other two there. "okay, get on with it." Logan instructed. Patton sighed, starting off with a simple one.

"What's the entirety of your headspace range?" he questioned. Logan thought for a moment.

"I don't ever seem to younger then three, and the oldest I've ever felt without being completely big is around sixteen." he admitted. He shifted in his seat, a little uncomfortable. He still wasn't quite used to talking about his headspace like it was a normal thing. Being able to just casually talk about things like his headspace range and his little gear preferences, it was weird.

"Thirteen years? Wow." Patton seemed shocked when he thought of it that way. "Okay, next..." he paused, "is there anything I can do to be a part of your regression while you're a teenager without overstepping or making you uncomfortable?" he seemed nervous, but he genuinely wanted to know.

"Oh! Um..." Logan paused now, thinking. "I don't know. Just kinda what you did last time I regressed to those ages, check on me and stuff. What you did last time was actually pretty perfect." he shyly smiled at Patton, who excitedly beamed.

"Really? Awe!" Logan coughed, snapping Patton out of his excitement to keep going with the questions. "Okay, overall, is there anything I could do better while you're little?"

"Maybe use the term 'regressed' when asking about it, or talking about that in general. I kind of associate 'little' with by kidspace and anything below that. So when talking about my teenspace..." Logan trailed off.

"Use the term regressed instead! Got it. Anything that'll make you more comfortable, kiddo." Patton nodded. "Hmm...is there anything else I could do better?" he asked. "Or something you'd like me to start doing?"

"Maybe...." Logan paused, feeling as if his thought was stupid. He continued anyways though. "Maybe we could start doing punishments and rewards. Not when I'm a teenager, but when I'm a kid and stuff." He didn't make direct mention of his younger headspace, but Patton brushed it off and continued talking after a moment.

"We could make a sticker chart for little Logan! Whenever you behave well, you can add stickers to the chart! We can make a system and everything." he said, Logan nodding. "But punishments? What would we even do?"

"I mean, most kids get timeouts and stuff. I don't know. I don't really misbehave though, so we don't have to worry about that." Logan now regretted bringing that up. Patton seemed skeptical immediately.

"Okay, fine." he sighed, "for now, we won't worry about punishments. But the moment you start being bratty while regressed, we are sitting down to have this conversation again." he playfully threatened. Logan gave an understanding nod, and they kept talking.

Questions and questions came from Patton, and Logan did his best to reply honestly. Patton felt as though open discussions were needed for this to work, and though Logan didn't like the awkward conversations and such, he agreed.

But what he said, about him behaving while regressed wasn't always true. And Patton was going to discover that really soon.

"Daddy, don wanna." Logan whined, fiercely shaking his head.

"Baby, you have to get dressed! You can't stay in pajamas all day," he paused, trying to find a way to convince him. "Your PJ's are so adult, but you're a baby, aren't you?"

"No!" Logan kicking his feet up. He still sat on his bed, his arms crossed as he absolutely refused to get ready.

"But darling," the nickname made Logan blush, but he still held his grumpy face. "You'll look so cute in your space onesie, don't you want your space onesie?" Patton pulled the piece of clothing from his lap, holding it up for him.

"If you want, you can wear just the onesie! Or you can wear overalls with it! How does that sound, baby?" Patton asked. There wasn't necessarily anything wrong with Logan staying in his pajamas, but he knew Big Logan would've wanted Patton to have him change. Logan hates staying in the same clothes for too long, no one really knows why.

Logan made grabby hands for the onesie, bouncing up and down. Patton didn't actually expect that to work, so he looked confused. "Space!" Logan giggled, kicking his feet again,except this time it was in a happy way. Patton had successfully diverted his attention.

"Yes baby, space. You know quite a bit about that, don't you?" he asked, reaching out for his hand to help him up. Logan started speaking, mindlessly taking his hand and standing up.

"Mhm! I know lots and lots about da stars, it's..it's weally weally cool!" his voice seemed to get even tinier when Patton tapped the side of his arm as a signal to lift them. He did so, and Patton pulled his shirt over his head with a chuckle.

"Yeah? Why don't you tell me something cool about the stars, Little Scholar?"

Whatever that slight brattiness that overcame Logan when he first got up was gone for the time being, washed away by Patton's adorable attempts at distracting him and making him slip younger.

"All done, baby boy!" he cheered once Logan was fully decked out in his cute little space onesie, animated spaceships and stars covering his figure. Logan giggled. "Now...do you want a pacifier today?"

He shook his head quickly. "Okay, well if you do want one, just let me know and we'll come pick one out, okay?" Logan nodded now. He hesitated, rethinking his decision.

"um..can I has one?" he mumbled shyly. Patton never understood the indecisiveness that Logan had sometimes, but he didn't complain. He only chuckled again, before turning around and locating the black chest on top of Logan's dresser. He had been working with him on not hiding away his little gear as if he was ashamed of it. So the pacifier chest currently sat on top of the dresser, not in the bottom drawer.

"Which one, sweetheart?" he asked. Logan took one of the modified baby pacifiers, which was dark blue with a spaceship on the button. It was a originally a toddler MAM pacifier, but the nipple was switched out for an adult one.

"Look at you, all cute and adorable." Patton cooed as he slipped the pacifier into his mouth. Logan smiled adorably behind it. Logan walked up to the mirror on the back of his door, looking at himself. He wore the onesie, and that's it. He whined, because he didn't want to wear overalls, but he also felt uncomfortable in just the onesie.

It was cute, and he didn't mind Patton seeing him like this, but he didn't want to walk around the house. "Whats wrong, baby?" Patton questioned. Logan silently pulled at the onesie, in a downwards motion. "You want some pants? We can find some overalls-"

"No, no, don wanna!" he said. Patton's eyebrows creased in confusion.

It took them a bit to work it out, but he settled on white shortalls. All was well in the house, Logan was adorable, and Patton was getting ready to make breakfast. This day was sure to go great.

What could go wrong?

So much. So much could go wrong.

"No, no, no!" Logan shouted in his babyish voice, "Don wanna."

"Calm down, baby. Please," Patton instructed. Logan shook his head. Virgil and Roman watched in silence. Logan was partially fussy due to the fact that Virgil wasn't little, so he was the tiniest side in the house, which made him feel vulnerable and frustrated. And also, Patton was trying to make him clean his toys up.

"Come here." Patton instructed, in a slightly strict but soft tone. Logan shook his head, remaining in his spot on the floor, a plastic toy space ship in his hands. When he was little, Logan often ignored small things that big him would totally freak out about. For example, cleaning up after himself.

Usually, though, Patton would remind him and he'd do it with little complaints. But today, for some reason, he absolutely refused. "Baby." he called in a more serious voice, trying to convince him to get off of the ground.

"No."

Is it bad that Virgil and Roman were just a little amused by this? Patton looked absolutely tripped up on what to do, and just shocked. But he covered it up with a serious face as if he had any idea what he was doing or how to react.

"Logan." He finally said, in a much harsher voice that he immediately felt bad for using. Logan dropped his toy, whimpering very quietly. Virgil could practically feel the babyish anxiety radiating from him. Logan got up slowly and shuffled over to stand in front of Patton, looking down and biting on his lip.

He didn't have any of his stuffed animals or his pacifier (he'd left them where he had been playing). "I'm sorry if I scared you, or anything. But you weren't listening before and I didn't know what else to do." Patton apologized. Logan nodded slowly, only glancing up at him a bit.

"Now, why don't you want to clean up your toys?" he asked.

"I don't wanna!" Logan whined, shifting on his feet.

"I know that you don't want to, but why?" he questioned once again.

"Don't wanna!" he simply shouted, stomping his foot on the ground with a huff. He crossed his arms.

Patton knew this is where he should punish him, but they didn't discuss punishments. So he said the first thing that came to mind. "Go sit in the kitchen. You're in timeout." he ordered, Logan seemingly shocked.

"No,no,no,no." he wasn't shouting, or directly defying him. Instead, he was muttering to himself, closing in on himself and looking ready to burst into tears. "No!" he shouted quickly, before running off and around the couch. Patton didn't even process what was going on until he was all the way at the bottom of the stairs.

Roman and Virgil still didn't give any input, not quite knowing what to say. What they would've suggested, Patton already tried to do. Softly talk him through what's going on, try to find out why he's acting this way. And resort to timeout if needed.

"Logan!" Patton called, turning on the couch so that he was looking at him. He slipped on the stairs and stumbled a bit. He paused, pouting with a quivering lip. He took a deep breath before grabbing onto the railing and continuing to quickly pace up the stairs. "You're going to hurt yourself, sweetheart." he tried again, but Logan ignored him, and within seconds, his door shut behind him.

Patton sighed, going to stand up. "Maybe you should give him a second?" Roman suggested. Patton nodded,

"Not to long though." he confirmed. He knew he was crying, and that he was probably scared that Patton was mad at him. He'd give him a second to calm down, and then go comfort him himself.

"Hey, you dealt with that well. He didn't react well, but you're doing a good job." Virgil smiled at him, and Patton smiled back weakly. He was oh to worried about his baby boy.

"It's also gonna be okay. I think he's just emotional about something unrelated and he's just acting out a bit. And also fussy about being the littlest one. Everything's gonna be okay." Roman reassured. They were both using reassuring words that actually helped a bit. Telling him that he wasn't a bad caregiver, and that everything would be okay. It calmed him a bit before he headed up the stairs.

Patton tried opening the door, but pulled his hand back when he realized it was locked. "Baby boy, can you please open the door for Daddy?" he called out.

"Why?" he heard a wavering baby voice come from inside the room, Logan had most likely been crying, as Patton predicted.

"Because I want to talk to you, Logan." Patton spoke softly, tapping his foot a bit while he listened for a reply.

"Go 'way." he could barely make out his voice and sniffles due to how quiet he was.

"I don't want to go away, darling. I promise that I just want to help you, okay? I'm not mad at you, if that's what your worried about." He could hear Logan slowly approaching the door, and suddenly he could hear his voice much more clearly.

"weally? Not mad?" he asked in a heartbreaking voice.

"Of course I'm not mad! I'm sorry I snapped at you, and gave you a timeout. But punishment doesn't mean that I'm angry with you, little one." he spoke in a promising voice. He heard Logan unlock the door and back away. Patton quickly swung the door open and shut it behind him, finding the boy with his knees to his chest in his office chair.

He was sucking on his thumb, and still looked nervous. Patton came closer to him slowly, and Logan dropped his legs, adjusting them so that they were hanging normally off of the chair. "Okay, do you wanna explain what happened down there?" Patton crouched in front of the chair so that he met Logan's eye level.

Logan still found a way to avoid looking at his face, though. "Why were you so against cleaning up, hmm?" Logan gave a light shrug, but eventually started speaking. He pulled his thumb out of his mouth before doing so.

"Just didn't want to. To small...and sad." he mumbled the last line.

"Sad? Oh, baby, why are you sad?" Patton's face dropped and he looked at him with even more concern in his face then before.

"Feel bad." he whined, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

"About refusing to clean, or something else?" Patton asked. Logan was weirdly emotional today, and now that he thought about it, it was possible he was upset about something since that morning, like Roman had suggested.

"Smallest one here, an-and m' a baby and you has to take care of me. Feel bad." he repeated himself, inching his thumb back towards his mouth. Patton took a second to process before he spoke in a really soft, but direct tone.

"You never have to feel bad because I'm taking care of you. I know that you don't like being the smallest side in the house, or feeling like a baby, but you don't have to act out because of it. I can handle a three year old, you don't have to be sad." he spoke with the hope that Logan would understand him. He reached forward and pulled his hand away from his mouth.

"m' sorry," he apologized.

"For what, sweetheart?" Patton asked softly.

"Not being good. Don't like getting in trouble." he sniffled lightly.

"You're not in trouble anymore. This doesn't mean you'll get out of timeout any other time you act out, but today's the exception, okay?" Logan softly nodded, and Patton leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

Logan looked down and swung his feet a bit. "Thank you, daddy." he mumbled.

"Now, lets head downstairs and pick up those toys, hmm? Then we can take a nap and move on from all this. How does that sound?" he offered, Logan nodding and letting Patton take his hand.

Logan didn't want to talk about punishments, but Patton was right about the fact that they probably should. Especially now that he knew that Logan wasn't always the most well behaved, even if it was emotion based brattiness.

So, now Logan knew that the dreaded conversation had to happen.

But like everything else, he knew that it'd turn out fine.

It always did.

#little logan #little!logan #littlelogan #lillogan #logan agere #ts agere #sanderssidesagere #sanderssides agere #sanders sides agere #sanders sides littlespace #cgpatton #cg patton #logicality agere #logicality slowburn

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kieraswriting · 3 years

Text

Coffin Chapter Thirty-Two

Masterpost

I actually had a lot of friends that became hunters, or at least that’s what they said. They also said I was being a wimp, but anyway. They locked me in a room with a vampire once. But it… no, she didn’t attack me. Didn’t even try to. Her eyes were all red and everything, but she just left me alone. Anyway. I just agree with you, the hunters aren’t all good. And they aren’t right about everything.

—

That happened to me too! What is it, some kind of initiation? Or I guess you weren’t a hunter, so maybe not. But the vampire just asked if he could have some blood, which creeped me out, but I said yes cause I thought he might still attack me if I said no. And it actually doesn’t hurt??? And I’m fine??? It’s really not as bad as they keep saying.

—

That is NOT how it goes! I don’t know what you people are making up stories for, but I’ve been attacked just for walking in the wrong place! And then I was under some kind of mind control, forced to do whatever it wanted me to for whatever sick reason.

—

Mind control??? They can’t do mind control, you must’ve been high or something.

—

You know, once I saw a baby vampire. Or well, a kid. It was holding onto some lady’s hand, as if it was a human, but it’s eyes were glowing, so it was obvious anyway.

—

I’ll bet the lady was a vampire too.

—

I saw a kid too! She was the sweetest thing! It was like five years ago. She just walked up to me and bit my arm, and then told me I couldn’t move cause she was hungry. It really doesn’t hurt, so I was more surprised than anything else, and I just let her until her dad (hopefully her dad) ran up and got her. He was so apologetic too, it was actually pretty cute.

—

Cute??? You’re calling vampires cute now??? They kill people!

—

Not all of them! My mom was a vampire, and she was very nice!

—

Virgil set the phone down, sighing and rubbing his face. It made him exhausted, just reading through everything. But it was better than making more videos.

As much as he recognized the need, and wanted to be actively helping, the nightmares that just the first one had sparked had led to him being in Patton’s bed almost all night. And he… he didn’t like that. Not that he disliked Patton’s company, it was actually the only thing soothing him back to sleep, the warmth, and grounding, and complete comfort. But he didn’t want Patton to think of him as a baby. And perhaps more than that, he didn’t want to think that way of himself.

But still, there was that need. And it was more important than some nightmares and internal worries. So Virgil pushed himself up and went to ask Patton. With as much as he’d not wanted Patton before, now he just wanted it to be Patton, not Roman.

When he saw Patton he had a sudden, impulsive thought. He bit down on his lip, not wanting to act on it, but also wanting to a lot, and still very indecisive when Patton turned around and saw him, thus cutting off his chance.

“Hey, Virgil! What’s up?”

He gave Patton a crooked smile. “I thought I could try again with making the videos.”

“Alright, if you’re sure.” Patton said, somehow managing to look both encouraging and concerned at the same time.

The set-up was still there, so really they just had to sit down and start recording. That should be easy. It wasn’t. Virgil kept adjusting the fabric slightly, and shifting things, and Patton kept helping him to straighten things out, until it became clear that without ironing, the sheets were never going to be perfectly smooth. Virgil frowned at them.

“We don’t have to do this now, if you don’t want to,” Patton said softly.

The urge to cave in to that was so strong, so very strong, but… but this was bigger than him. He needed to do this. It didn’t even hurt him, it just brought up bad memories.

“If-- um…” Virgil swallowed. “What if, if I do do this now… can I ask a favor?”

Patton smiled. “Of course you can. You can always ask favors.”

Virgil looked away, “Well it’s… it’s just a bit bigger than most favors.”

Patton looked almost concerned. “How about yes, but even if we don’t end up doing the video, or if we only do a little, you still tell me what it is, ok?”

Virgil smiled, almost chuckling. He didn’t really doubt that Patton would agree to his favor, he just… he felt like he needed that permission first.

And then he sat down in the middle of the sheets and Patton turned the phone camera on.

Virgil took a deep breath. “Alright. It’s like a conversation. Just like I’m telling you what happened.”

Patton nodded.

Virgil leaned back a bit and pulled his shirt up to expose his stomach. It was still mottled and shiny in many places with intersecting scars. He took in another slow breath, fighting the urge to breathe faster. He’d never liked his stomach before, when he was a human, but he’d give anything to have that little twinge of dissatisfaction back instead of what he felt now when he looked at himself.

“I… I should probably explain what a thrall is first,” he said, tearing his eyes away and looking up at Patton instead. “It’s where a vampire bites a human, and instead of drinking their blood, or sometimes also, they sort of mind-control them. Um… I didn’t know how to do it until a week or so ago, and I still can’t really control it. But… there was a hunter-- should I use names?”

Patton sort of shrugged. “Not ours, but sure.”

“Ok. There was a hunter named Liam Hart, and he came to a house where I was staying with a human. He thought… so the human was a hunter too, but he… likes me?”

Patton’s face suddenly became almost comical, ‘of course I like you!!’ written all over it.

Virgil smiled a bit, even with the intense anxiety rushing through him. “Anyway, because this hunter liked me, Liam Hart thought that I’d thralled him to force him to like me. And he…” it was getting harder to breathe again, past the lump swiftly rising in his throat. Virgil spoke very quickly, just wanting to get it over with. “He took us back to his house and he took Pa-- the other person inside where he couldn’t get out, and he took me into the--” he had to pause for a moment, getting more than a bit lightheaded. He didn’t dare look up at Patton again. If he did, Patton would interpret it as a cry for help and call the whole thing off.

“He took me into the barn and I tried to fight back thenwhenIhadn’tbeforeandtherewerealotofthemandtheytiedmetothewalland-a-andputsilveronmeandI-c-couldn’tgetawayandIcouldn’ttakethethralloff-c-causethere was nothrall!” Virgil curled in on himself, tears he hadn’t noticed before dripping down onto the sheets. “I’m done.”

Patton straight up dropped the phone, dropping to his knees and stopping only just before he wrapped Virgil in a hug. “Is it ok to touch you right now?”

Virgil nodded, new tears springing up. Patton wrapped him in a tight hug.

“You did so well, Virgil. That was a very scary thing and you did it so well.”

“A-all I did was talk! And I couldn’t even do that!”

“You did. That video will make people think about what they’re doing. Really, really, think, and it’ll save lives, Virgil.”

Virgil just gripped Patton’s shirt, hiding his face in it and trying not to look at the many images flashing before his mind’s eye and trying to ignore the phantom burns.

Patton just held him until Virgil loosened his grip on his own. “What was the favor you wanted?”

The sudden burst of embarrassment was almost welcome, in comparison to the previous feelings. “I… if I… well, first I promise I’d never bite you without asking first!”

Patton nodded. “I know you wouldn’t.”

Virgil almost blushed at such a simple and easy show of confidence. “Um… anyway… if I… like if I see you, and you don’t see me, or even if you do see me, just if you didn’t you might be worried and... “ Virgil sighed. “I can’t even talk straight. Can I hug you? Like from the back, as a surprise sometimes?”

Patton’s shift from confused and a bit worried to beaming smiles and happiness was something Virgil wouldn’t quickly forget, and Patton squeezed him tighter. “Of course you can!”

Virgil breath all went out in a rush and he started to laugh, laughing even more at Patton’s confused face. It seemed his laugh was contagious, because despite asking what they were supposed to be laughing at, Patton joined in after a moment.

•^*^••

Dee was fast. All vampires, by the time they were his age, had either an interest or a need, and developed some kind of power to fulfil it. He’d needed some way of escaping, and he’d run. And now he was fast. Probably faster than Remy, though Remy was far better than him in many other areas.

And he wondered… well, if he went to go do something, could he finish before he was missed?

Because really, they needed someplace to stay. And as much as he’d wanted to hide away with just Thomas, he couldn’t deny that he’d gotten attached to the others. Even Remus. And he would need them to have somewhere safe to stay or he wouldn’t be able to truly settle.

He wanted to find somewhere where all this violence and pain wasn’t happening, and find somewhere within that place where they could stay.

But was there a place like that? And if there was, could he find it and get back before Thomas would get worried?

Perhaps…. He was almost sure to regret this, but he was going to ask Remus. Remus had been alive much longer, and if there was such a place he would know.

“Nope!” Remus said immediately, grinning. “People just hate people everywhere.”

“But-- why? ”

Remus shrugged. “How should I know?”

“But surely not everyone! ”

Remus shrugged. “Yeah, probably not, but I’ve been around, and there’s at least enough mean ones to do some damage everywhere.”

Dee let out a frustrated huff.

“Buuut,” Remus sang. “If we manage to get little Virgey’s story out there, maybe there will be a place where people just hate us, instead of trying to kill us!” He grinned, as if he’d said something that was actually comforting.

It wasn’t. Obviously.

“But if they still hate us then eventually it’ll circle back around to the killing!”

Remus shrugged. “Well, you know, we could always try and get on top. Let them be the ones in fear for a few hundred years.”

Dee scowled. “We’ve talked about this. If we try to get on top the humans will just fight back harder. Whether or not we win, that’ll be millions dead, on both sides.”

Remus shrugged. “Well, I know I’m not the only one thinking it.”

Dee sighed heavily. He was regretting coming to Remus now.

And then Thomas woke up from his nap, which very nicely broke off any further conversation.

•^*^••

Remy had an idea. It was a very fun idea.

But first he had to call Roman.

“Hey, Babes!”

“You want something.”

“What, not even a hello? Rude much?”

“Hello, Remy, what do you want?”

“If you weren’t an essential part of this plan I would hang up on you right now and you’d never get the pleasure of seeing it,” Remy said grumpily, though really, not much could dull his bright mood at the moment.

“Uh, huh. Ok, what is it?”

“I want you to get the babiest vampire blood drunk!”

Remy could hear the frown. “Now? Why? And I’m not sure he would even want to.”

“Cause everyone needs a good cheering up! Between you and Patty it’ll be easy, but you have to remember to video it. It’ll be hilarious!”

“Are… are you blood drunk right now?”

Remy frowned. “Maybe, but what does that matter?”

“Are Logan and Emile ok?”

“Now that is just rude. ”

“Ok, yeah, it is. Sorry. As far as Virgil, why?”

“It’d be funny! It’s his first time anyway, and I’ll bet he hasn’t been human-drunk before, so it’ll be even better!”

“But what if it makes him more anxious? Getting drunk can do that to some people, it doesn’t make everyone happier.”

“This kind does, though,” Remy said with a smile and a nod.

“Can you be sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, Babes!”

“Alright. I’ll ask, but if he doesn’t want to then I’m not going to push it.”

“Oh, boo. Who just walks up and asks if you want to get drunk?”

“Me, apparently.”

Remy sighed. “Okaaay, fine, party pooper.” He hung up, pouting. Roman and Patton probably tasted too bad to drink enough to get drunk from anyway.

•^*^••

Roman set the phone down. It was awkward. On the one hand, that really could be fun and amusing, and a much needed relaxation. But on the other hand, how was he supposed to bring something like that up??

“Virgil?” he called.

He couldn’t help but smile when instead of just Virgil, both he and Patton waddled in. Virgil had his arms wrapped around Patton’s waist, with his head resting on the back of his shoulder.

“I heard your phone call,” Virgil said.

Roman rubbed the back of his head, a little embarrassed. He always forgot how much Virgil could hear. “Do you… have an opinion?”

Virgil shrugged, not letting go of Patton.

“What is it?” Patton asked.

“Remy wants us to get Virgil drunk on blood and film it.”

“Oh.” Patton’s voice had a slight note of ‘that could be gross’ along with the larger ‘but maybe fun?’.

“What do you guys think?” Virgil asked.

Roman shrugged. “It could be funny, and from what Remy said, it’d be pretty fun for you too.”

“If you want to, Virgil, then go for it.”

Virgil shrugged again. “I just… don’t like the thought of being out of control.”

“I don’t think you would be out of control very much. Listening to Remy, he seemed to just have some lower inhibitions.” Roman said.

“But what if I’m drinking, and I can’t stop myself?”

Patton hugged Virgil’s arms where they were wrapped around him. “Of all people and vampires I’ve ever seen, I think you would be the very last person to do something like that.”

Virgil flushed slightly, mumbling an embarrassed ‘thanks’.

Roman turned on the phone’s camera and just left it on. “How much do you think you’d need to be full?”

Virgil’s flush deepened and he mumbled something Roman couldn’t hear.

“Virgil, I thought you said you’d been taking as much as you need,” Patton gently admonished.

Virgil hid his face in Patton’s back. “Cause I don’t need any more. I’m already biting you guys too much anyway.”

“Virgil, you’re literally cuddling Patton right now.” Roman said bluntly. “Clearly we don’t think that you’re biting us too much.”

“But I promised first that I wouldn’t bite him,” Virgil mumbled.

“Really, we don’t mind,” Patton said. “Even if you didn’t promise I would’ve said yes. Even if you wanted this just so you could bite me easier I’d have said yes.”

“Can we just stop talking about it?” Virgil asked. “I’ll eat, and get full, and then I won’t have to bite you guys any more, and you can be happy cause I’m full.”

Just so the sort-of argument could end there, Roman said decisively, “That’ll work.”

•^*^••

It never stopped feeling awkward, having to drink from people, but it was more awkward cause they were expecting something from him.

Virgil picked Roman first, mostly because he’d drunk from Patton last. And Roman was better at ignoring him anyway, which he much preferred.

He drank until he felt almost full, though he checked at least three times to be sure he wasn’t taking too much. A pleasant warmth spread through him, and he’d really have been content to stop there, but Patton was still waiting.

As he drank more, his head got a bit fuzzy, his skin just a bit tingly, and the warm feeling grew, bubbling up into slight laughter. And once he started, he could barely stop the giggles.

He swamped Patton in a hug, and let out a long, happy hum when Patton squeezed him back.

•^*^••

Thomas was cracking up laughing looking at his phone. “Dee! Dee, come—come look!”

Dee came and looked at his phone to see Virgil sitting on a couch, practically draped over Patton, grinning silly and singing. “You’re my dad! Boogie woogie woogie.”

Patton looked like he was about to start floating out of happiness, and Roman was snickering and egging Virgil on.

“What’s another one, Virgil?”

Virgil turned to Roman, and waved at the camera. “Oh, hi, thanks for checking in, I’m ~still a piece of garbage~!”

“No, you’re not!” Patton protested.

“Am too,” Virgil said, hugging close to Patton. “And you can’t be mad at me.”

“Why can’t he, Virgil?” Roman asked, still snickering.

“Cause I’m too cute to be mad at,” Virgil said, smiling up at Patton.

Thomas covered his mouth, trying not to laugh louder than the sound from his phone. He was already shaking so much it was difficult to see.

“Alright, yes you’re cute, but you can’t say that you’re garbage anymore,” Patton said.

Virgil flopped to the side. “Roooo! Heeelp. Dad’s being mean.”

Thomas burst into loud laughter, and even Dee couldn’t help a chuckle.

#sanders sides #vampire au #vampires #blood #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #emile picani #remy sleep #my own work #coffin #violence #speciesism #vampire virgil #platonic moxiety

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ineffablegame · 5 years

Note

For the prompt thing "I'll carry you if i have to!"

Also published on my Ao3.

Hours after the crucifixion, Crowley sits on the edge of a potter’s field with no memory of how she got there. The dirt is baking-hot beneath her, the dying sunlight a suffocating weight on her shoulders. She is scorched through and through, but still her heart is a cold stone in her breast.

Crowley stares out across the field. A vast, lifeless expanse of dirt and dead grass, unloved and unmourned. Thirty silver pieces purchased this plot: the price of one man’s lifeblood. One man hangs dead from a cross and another hangs dead from a tree, and this godforsaken spit of land is all that’s left between them.

Crowley grits her teeth, throat tight, eyes stinging. She has not yet surrendered to weeping, not after Sodom and Gomorrah, not after the Flood. She will not surrender now.

A presence feathers across the edges of her senses: a light, gossamer brush. “There you are. I thought I had lost you.”

Crowley shakes her head. “Go away, angel.”

“Crowley.” Softly, kindly. Tenderly carving her apart. “Where will you go now?”

I don’t know, she thinks. Maybe I won’t go anywhere. Maybe I’ll sit here until my body returns to the dirt. Join all those poor fools in the field.

“Crowley.”

“Angel.” A rasping scrape of sound. “Leave me be.”

Aziraphale is silent for a long moment. Then, just when Crowley thinks he may have gone, his fingers brush her shoulder. She stiffens. “Aziraphale. Don't.”

“You shouldn't be alone right now,” Aziraphale says. “Please. I… I have a room at an inn. Come with me.”

Crowley wants to snap and cut and cast him off, but the weight smothers her words. She is inert, limp and cast into deep waters, and the touch on her shoulder is a lifeline just within reach.

Crowley doesn’t know what she wants – to hold on with all her might, or to let the line slip through her fingers. Let herself sink.

Perhaps Aziraphale senses her indecision, for, with a hearty dose of no-nonsense briskness, he says, “I will carry you, you know. If I have to.”

She tries to laugh, really she does, but it comes out raw. Lifting her head, she pushes back her hair and swallows past the threat of tears. It’s this weak body, she thinks, this mortal shell with its hammering heart and salt-choked throat. She hates it.

“Right,” she manages. “We don’t want you embarrassing yourself, after all.”

The barest hint of a smile. “That’s the spirit.”

Crowley follows the angel away from the potter’s field, but still it lingers in her mind. The dusty odor of grave dirt. The stalks of grass, brittle as desiccated bones.

They go to a small, quiet inn on the outskirts of Jerusalem, passing strangers unseen and unremarked. Aziraphale ushers Crowley into a stuffy room – scarcely bigger than a broom cupboard – and closes the door. A candle lights at a flick of his fingers. He leads her to a little cot and sits, patting the spot beside him. His voice is gentle but firm. “Lie down. You look wretched.”

Under normal circumstances, Crowley might have made a joke, but she cannot dredge up the energy. She sits. The weight is still upon her, deadening her to the world.

A memory comes to her, unbidden – a man who lived and died hundreds of years ago. A man whose strength was shorn by the woman he loved. The candlelight dances orange and yellow across Aziraphale’s still face, his unblinking stare.

The weight is pushing Crowley down, crushing her. She can’t breathe – you don’t need to breathe, you blighted fool – and suddenly her shoulders are shaking, sobs clawing up from deep in her chest, and her vision blurs, and she is weeping for the first time since the world began. Her lungs are full of water and she is drowning.

“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale murmurs. His arms are around her, keeping her in one piece. “Dear girl, dear girl…”

He says little else until her tears are spent, until she has sobbed herself into exhaustion. When she is done, she miracles a pair of shears into a trembling hand. The metal gleams in the yellow light as she offers it to Aziraphale.

The angel’s fingers are gentle as they run through her hair, nails rasping faintly on her scalp. With each snip of the shears, a hank falls away. The weight eases. Snip. A silver piece tumbles upwards, back into a Pharisee’s hand. Snip. A rope slithers off a tree branch. Snip. A bloody nail falls, a wound knits together. Snip. Aziraphale is slow and methodical. Reverential. His thumb brushes the shell of Crowley’s ear.

“There,” the angel says. The candle has burned down low.

Crowley straightens and touches a hand to the nape of her—no, his neck. He shivers. “You forget how it feels,” he says, feeling Aziraphale’s gaze on him.

“It’s a bit of a botched job,” Aziraphale says, apologetic.

“It’ll do.”

“Stay here tonight.” Aziraphale fiddles absentmindedly with a coil of red hair. “You needn’t be alone.”

Later, in the dark, he asks, “Where will you go?”

Crowley knows where he’s meant to go – Hell has bound him for Rome, but he has no stomach for the Colosseum, the lions rending prisoners for sport. Be kind to each other. What a laugh. “Dunno. Maybe Germania. I can foment unrest among the beserkers.”

Aziraphale hums, but the careful aversion of his gaze is eloquent enough. You’re running away, you old serpent. “Just as well. I would take care if I were you. The Romans will be there soon enough.”

Crowley makes no response. For hours, he tries to sleep, but he cannot quiet his thoughts. When dawn stretches the first pale rays of light over Jerusalem, Crowley gives up and rises without a sound. He goes to the door.

“Be careful,” Aziraphale murmurs, softly. So softly it might have been a sigh of the wind outside. Crowley hesitates for the briefest moment before opening the door and slipping out.

There are whispers, later, rumors that penetrate even the wild pine forests of Germania.

Jesus of Nazareth has come back to life.

No, his Apostles stole the body to fool people into thinking he had returned.

He is alive.

He is dead.

He is gone.

Crowley brushes each aside and tempts the beserkers to wrath, felling Roman soldiers like wheat beneath the scythe.

And then, a whisper: An angel rolled away the stone in front of the tomb, then sat on it.

Of all the rumors, Crowley believes that one without a shadow of doubt. It’s such a little thing, really, but it’s so plainly Aziraphale that it must be true. Of all the angels in Heaven, only one would carry out an impressive feat and then cock it up so completely by squandering it.

Crowley can practically hear Aziraphale wheezing as he plops down on the stone. “I’ll be with you in just a moment, dear ladies, I only need to catch my breath…”

Deep in the harsh, pitiless wilds of an untamed land, Crowley laughs for what feels the first time in millennia. He runs a finger through his close-cropped hair. His heart is light.

#mcrwillbutthurtyou #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens fanfic #long post #good omens word prompt

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romansrgn · 4 years

Text

ch. 7

“What happened to you claiming my trainer as your baby daddy?”

Braelin rolled her eyes. “Stop with the pettiness. It's not cute.” she attempted to pick up the trash bag, but Roman took it out of her hands. “I know how you felt about the idea and didn’t think it would be fair to you.”

Roman nodded once again, surprised at how much impending motherhood has managed to mature Braelin. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“There’s no need to thank me. These are your babies, as well as mine. But I also need you to understand that I like Dante, and I want to see where this goes with him, which also means that he will be in our children’s lives whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t, and there’s a good chance I never will because you are supposed to be with me. In my home and my bed.”

Braelin was tired of the caveman attitude that he seemed to put on every time a man enters into her life friend or otherwise. “Too fucking bad. We’re not together anymore. Do I need to remind you why that is? We made a mistake--”

“Our kids are not a mistake.”

“You’re right—they're not. But the truth of the matter is, what we did and the circumstances behind it certainly were. We don’t work. We get caught up with our history and fall back into old patterns that end up hurting the people that matter to us. I can't and won't hurt Dante in the same way you hurt me.”

Roman knew that any relationship they could potentially have with each other was shot to hell after she abruptly ended things once Janelle came back into his. But, as infuriating as they were, they had something people might wait a lifetime to find. “Will, you ever forgive me for that?”

Braelin smiled sadly “I want to. Despite me letting you back into my bed, I can’t risk letting you back into my heart.”

Ouch.

Roman nodded despite how much it stung; he appreciated her honesty, “I deserve that and for what it's worth, I am sorry.”

“I know.”

Braelin gasped a little, placing her hand on her stomach.

“What?”

“I think they’re trying to say Hi.” she nodded towards her stomach

Roman placed his massive paw over her baby bump “I don’t feel anything.”

“Just wait.”

After a few seconds, that’s when he felt it. For the first time, he was able to feel his babies kick “That’s amazing.” He said, looking up at a Braelin with so much awe.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Braelin and Roman jumped apart. “No, that’s ok. Roman just wanted to feel the baby kick.”

Janelle looked in between them both. “Yea, I know how exciting that could be. I mean, I don’t know, but you know what I mean.”

Braelin fidgeted a little, suddenly feeling even more uncontrollable by the second “Yea, and I know what you mean. Look, I probably should say goodbye to everyone before they head out.”

“Before you leave Braelin, I wanted to talk to you both.”

Roman stood up a little straighter before looking at Braelin. “About what?”

“I know things are awkward because of our history. Roman and I were college sweethearts that found each other again when you two were together, and because of it, you guys broke up.”

Braelin smiled tightly, “Right.”

Roman ran a hand over his face “Janelle, maybe now isn’t the —”

“I’m not trying to shake the table or anything I’m not. I just want us to be honest. Like, honestly, when Roman confessed that he cheated on me, I instantly thought it might’ve been with you, but then I checked myself because deep down inside I know what you two had wasn’t worth risking everything you have now for something so meaningless like a one night stand. I mean, you said it yourself, Roman, it had to be with some bitch that meant nothing to you. They were nobody.”

Braelin snorted before taking the trash bag out of Roman’s hands. “I’m sorry about what happened between you guys, and you’re right, our history is complicated, and that’s exactly why I’m trying to move on in the same way he did. Now, if you excuse me, I need to say goodbye to my guest. Feel free to take home some to-go plates before you see yourselves out.”

Roman waited until Braelin left before speaking to Janelle, “Was that necessary.”

Janelle shrugged, “I don’t see why it wasn’t. We never cleared the air after everything that happened despite constantly being in each other's faces, for I don’t know how many years.”

“You wanted to rub our relationship in her face, and for what?”

“To remind her that even though she’s carrying your children, I’m your wife, and that fact will always remain.”

Roman’s eyes widened.

“You didn’t think I would put two and two together. Give me a little more credit than that.”

“I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”

Janelle laughed bitterly, “I’m not surprised. I mean, how do you tell your wife that you got your ex-girlfriend pregnant? It can't be easy, and despite how much I wish you didn’t because it would make it helluva lot easier to leave your cheating ass, I know you still love me. But I also get the feeling you’re not completely over Braelin.”

“I do love you, and you’re right. I love her too.”

Janelle shook her head, wishing like hell she was wrong about him still being in love with his ex. “Does it get exhausting? Jumping from one bed to another? Do you think we deserve that?”

Roman swallowed. He was so caught up with his feelings for both women and their reaction to him that he never really took the time out to see what his indecisiveness was doing to them emotionally. “I was selfish and careless, and because of that, I hurt two of the most important women in my life, and for that, I’m sorry. You and Braelin will never know how sorry I am. So no, I don’t think my wife or the mother of children deserve that, but it’s the endless cycle that we managed to find ourselves in.”

“Ourselves? This isn't our situation, Roman. You cheated on me with your ex-girlfriend and got her pregnant. You did this, and now I have to sit back and watch you two share this connection that you refuse to have with me.”

“I never said I didn’t want kids with you. I just can’t think about that right now.”

Janelle laughed, “Right because your plate is already full with the little side family you manage to have on me.”

Roman knew nothing he could say would make this situation better for anyone. He fucked up and fucked around on his wife, and now these are the cards he has to deal with. So this only left him with one option: “You're right. This isn’t fair to you or Braelin, and that’s why I’m going to give you both the space you deserve.” He said before walking out of the house and past Braelin, who was watching the entire exchange.

November 30, 2011

“Friend of the birthday girl?”

Braelin laughed, “Yes, and no. She’s my cousin.”

Roman nodded, “The smile kind of gave it away.”

Braelin’s cheeks flushed, “and you must be related to the twins?”

“You see the family resemblance?”

Braelin rolled her eyes, “Not really. All of yall are major flirts.”

Roman grinned. “Can you blame us?”

Braelin shrugged, “I guess not. Want a beer?”

“Aren’t you a little young for that?”

“Boy, please. I’m twenty-one years old as of September 5th and have been drinking way longer than that. Either get on the bandwagon or move to the side.”

Roman threw his head back and laughed, “All that feistiness in that tiny package.”

Braelin popped a hand on her hip. “Don't let the small package fool you. I’m tough as hell.”

“I believe you. Now can I get my beer, please?”

Braelin laughed and tossed the beer to him “How long have you known Naomi?”

“Since she and Jimmy started dating in FCW.”

“You’re a wrestler! That makes so much sense.” She said, taking a sip of her beard, “How long have you been training?”

Roman shrugged, “I’ve been training for a while. NXT is good and all, but I’m ready for the main roster.”

Braelin nodded, “You have to appreciate a man who knows what he wants, but you know what they say practice makes perfect.”

Roman shook his head ”You believe that?”

“If I didn't, I wouldn't be in college, collecting this much debt to become a doctor.”

Roman had to admit he was a little thrown by her choice of profession. A girl like her would usually aim for a career as an entrepreneur or a model. Maybe a model was a stretch considering she barely stood 5’4 despite having the looks for it. “A doctor? Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Yea, you probably thought I would sell clothes on a website or something.” Braelin rolled her eyes when she noticed how guilty Roman looked. “As much as I can’t knock the hustle, that’s not for me.”

“Then tell me, pretty girl. What kind of doctor do you want to be?”

Braelin shrugged, looking at her hands a little, “I dunno. I’m still deciding.”

Roman raised a brow before taking a sip of his beer. “Really? Usually, when someone commits to a career like this, they have a plan. Being a doctor takes years of dedication and—“

“I know what it entails, thank you.”

Roman knew he had hit nerve, but for whatever reason, he felt she was holding back, so he decided to push her “Oh yeah? It seems to me you don’t know. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be hellbent on committing to something you had no intention of seeing through to the end. Why waste your time on something you don't care about when you can have something you actually want?”

Braelin blinked, not realizing she was that easy to read. “My mom wants me to become a doctor.”

He knew there was an ulterior motive behind her career choice “Ok, that’s fine, but what do you want.”

Braelin has been watching Naomi train for the last three years, and she couldn’t lie and say her interest hasn't peaked. So in her downtime, she’s been watching old wrestling footage in an attempt to train herself because she couldn't sign up for wrestling school without her parents finding out, “I want to wrestle.” She whispered, not making eye contact.

Braelin was ready to hear the laugh that followed by her admission. But when she looked up, she saw him staring at her intently.

“Ok, well, if you want to wrestle so badly, then I’ll help you get into wrestling school, and if you’re not ready for that, then I’ll train you myself.”

“You barely know me, and you’re offering to train me?”

Roman finished the last of his beer before tossing the bottle in the trash. “I’m a good judge of character, and something’s telling me you’re worth the investment.”

Braelin’s cheeks flushed suddenly, wishing she didn’t have a boyfriend.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Dante asked from his side of the bed. He noticed that she’s been on edge since everyone left after the cleanup.

Braelin bit down on the corner of her lip, not sure if she opened up this can of worms out of fear of losing him, but she knew it wouldn’t be fair to Dante if he went into this blindly “Janelle knows about everything.”

Dante blinked. “That explains why she’s been shooting daggers at you all night. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. I’m relieved because this terrible secret doesn’t have to be held over my head forever, but at the same time, it makes everything feel real.”

Dante raised a brow “Really? It doesn’t get any more real than you being heavily pregnant, Brae.”

“I know that, and that’s why I’m ok with you bailing if this is too much.”

Dante rolled his eyes “We’ve been through this already, baby.”

“I know, and I feel like a broken record, but this isn’t fair to you. My drama and fucked up choices shouldn't come down on you” When he moved to approach her, Braelin took a step back “Don’t do that. I don’t want you to be ok with everything, especially not after I cheated on you.”

Dante shook his head moving to stand in front of his girlfriend “First of all, you didn’t cheat on me because we weren’t official, but now that we are I need you to know that I want us, I want you and I want to see where we can go. I will keep saying it until you believe it, but if this is too much and you don’t want this, then I need you to tell me,” he lifted her chin to look her in her green eyes. “Ok?”

Braelin nodded despite feeling as if she didn’t deserve him. She said, “Ok.”

Survivor Series 2020

Roman sat next to the USO's at the announce table, going over their match. This year it would be faction vs. faction vs. faction: The Bloodline vs. Undisputed Era vs. Seth Rollins and his Disciples for brand supremacy. As much as he was hyped about teaming with his family and competing against his brother, his personal life had gone to hell in a hand basket. Since the barbecue, he and Braelin barely talked, and when they did, it had everything to do with the baby and the doctor appointments he often missed because he was on the road, which seemed to appease Janelle.

Speaking of Janelle, after a few weeks of living in a hotel, Roman finally came back home despite wanting to keep his distance from both women on a romantic level, which is why he slept in the guestroom.

Janelle wasn't to convince that their relationship was over and honestly? Neither was he. When he put that ring on Janelle’s finger, it was supposed to be forever. But that was all shot to hell when he fucked around on her not once but twice and with his ex of all people, and despite everything they’ve been through, he knew he still loved her.

Ok, smart ass, what about Braelin? His inner voice asked.

They were still friends, of course, and despite the relationship ending so abruptly, he knew there were some unresolved feelings there. The better word for it was love, asshole.

Roman sighed

Love was the better word for it, and up until now, he had no problem admitting that to himself because he wasn’t hurting anyone, but now that no was no longer valid. He was hurting the two of the most important women in his life, and there was no way he was willing to put Braelin through another round of hell, especially now with his children in the mix.

Roman sighed and abruptly standing up, causing all three men to look in his direction.

“We ain’t done talking about the match?” Jey said from his seat next to Seth.

“I’ll be back; there’s just something I need to do. Besides, my head ain’t in it yet.”

Seth agreed, “I can tell since you haven’t listened to a word we said.”

Roman looked sheepishly, “My bad.”

Seth trusted Roman with his life, so he wasn’t worried about the big man carrying his shit with him into the ring and possibly hurting someone. He just knew whatever Roman was thinking about was creating emotional turmoil in the big dog. “Whatever it is, you want to talk about it?”

Roman looked around and saw all eyes on him. He knew they weren’t going to drop it, so he sai, “The twins are mine.”

Several eyes blinked. But it was Jimmy that said, “That makes sense.”

Jey nodded “When you told us that you and Brae fucked I didn’t know you hit—“

Roman’s eyes narrowed, “Hey, man. Besides, it’s not like we wanted any of this to happen. It just happened.”

“So, what’s the plan? Are you and Braelin going to give it another try?”

Roman rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m married, and she’s with Dante.”

“Yea, but that hasn’t stopped shit before,” Jey said with a shrug causing Roman to flinch. “I know the whole situation is fucked up, but you and Brae had something most people wait a lifetime to find, but you ended up fucking that up when you went back to Janelle.”

Roman rolled his eyes “I’m sorry I thought you said something useful that could help the situation.”

Seth decided to chime in. “The only thing that could help this situation is honesty, and we all know it’s a little bit late in the game for that. But the least you can do is be honest with what you want and who you want.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want because I’ve already decided to keep my distance from both of them.”

Jimmy raised a brow “Really? You moved back into your house with Janelle, and you’re what? Co-parenting with B? Yea, that’s a whole lot of space.”

“What the fuck do y’all want me to do?” Roman snapped “I fucked up and cheated on my wife and got my ex-girlfriend pregnant. But you want to know something I fucked up away before then by letting Braelin walk away because I wasn’t ready to get my shit together. Now I’m paying the price. She’s happy, and it has nothing to do with me and you know what as selfish as it is, I fucking hate it. But it’s what I deserve, and more importantly, it’s what she deserves.”

Jey held up his water bottle. “Now that you finally got that off your chest, are you ready to plan this main event?”

Roman looked around the arena and noticed that all eyes were on him “Yea, let’s do this.”

Braelin looked over Dante, who was busy talking to the photographer. Today was her maternity shoot, and she wanted this experience to be perfect and unbeknownst to her boyfriend; she was doing her shoot naked.

“Baby, please leave that poor man alone and let him do his job.”

Dante shook his head “Where’s the stylist? They should’ve been here an hour ago?”

Braelin laughed, “Honey, there’s no stylist here because I won’t be wearing any clothes.”

Dante blinked before turning his attention to the photographer who didn’t even bother hiding his amusement, “You mean you’re doing this shoot naked?”

Braelin nodded, “As a Jaybird.”

Dante cleared his throat. Not at all ok with some other dude seeing his girl naked before he even had the chance too. “Is it too late to change the photographer.”

The photographer rolled his eyes, “If it helps your ego. I’m gay and would rather see you naked than your pregnant girlfriend.” He looked at Braelin, “No offense, B.”

Braelin smirked, “None taken. But I do have an idea.” she looked in between both men “Marty, I won’t be needing your services today, and don’t worry, you’ll still get paid for the day.”

That seemed to appease the photographer before he left the couple alone.

Dante held up his hand. “Look, you don’t have to send him away on my account. I know how important this is to you and—“

Braelin nodded, “You’re right, it is important, and that’s why I’m still going to do my photo shoot.”

“Without a photographer?”

Braelin shook her head, “I have a photographer, you.”

Dante laughed dryly, “I’m not a photographer.”

Braelin disagreed wholeheartedly. “Those pictures you took of me last night says otherwise.” She said, taking off her robe and tossing it to the side, “You just need the right motivation.”

Dante licked his lips. “Damn,” he whispered, taking the camera off its stand. “You trust me with this?”

“I trust you to make me look the same way you make me feel. That's why I couldn’t have picked a better man for this.”

Dante had a feeling they were no longer talking about the photoshoot “What are you saying?” he said while snapping pictures

“I’m saying that I choose you and will always choose you because I think you will be the best choice I’ll ever make.”

As friends, they’ve known each other for a long time, but as lovers, it’s new, but sometimes something new can be the thing that’s worth holding onto.

Dante sat the camera on the stand before taking Braelin in his arms and kissing her with everything he had. Braelin licked his lips in which he happily obliged as her tongue slid into his mouth. What had started out gentle quickly became passionate and heated as his large hand slid into her hair and gave it a gentle tug as his tongue trailed a hot path down her neck, causing her shiver.

“Fuck.” Dante whispered heatedly, “I want you so much right now.”

She whimpered as he captured her lips with his once more “I want to taste you, please baby, let me taste.”

Seeing Braelin's green eyes was so clouded with lust that the sight made his dick jump, “I want you to do a lot more than taste.” She said, biting his chin gently.

That was all he needed to hear.

Braelin legs cleared the floor and were instantly wrapped around Dante’s waist. He sat her down on a pile of pillows that was going to be used as props for the photoshoot but would come in handy for what he had in mind.

Dante removed his shirt, followed by the grey jogging pants he was wearing, causing his dick to spring free.

Damn. Braelin thought. He had to be nine inches long and thick enough to fill her in all the places she hasn’t been filled since.

Don’t even go there, her mind chastised.

Dante’s dick was a thing of beauty as it pointed accusingly at her while leaking precum.

Dante gave his dick two pumps before crawling over Braelin and capturing her lips once more. “I think I said something about tasting” he grinned against her lips.

“Let’s see what that tongue can do.” she whispered.

Dante smirked before leaving wet kisses down her protruding stomach and thighs. She didn’t have to wait long as his tongue jutted out and lapped at her clit like a kitten causing Braelin to moan loudly.

“You taste so good baby.” he said in between licks spreading her legs wider and inserting a finger which almost caused Braelin to shoot off the pillows. “So fucking good.”

Dante played her pussy like an instrument. He knew how lick and how to rotate his finger enough to make her squirm so her end was coming sooner than she liked “I’m finna come.”

Dante took that as a sign to double his efforts by literally fucking her with his tongue and that did it she came so fucking hard.

When Dante came up from between her thighs the top of his nose and the whiskers of his beard was covered in her juices “Ready for round one?” He whispered against her lips.

#wwe fanfiction #wwe smut #wwe one shot #roman reigns fan fic #roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns x oc #kat graham #florian munteanu #kat graham fan fic #florian munteanu fics #ghostin #key writes

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hiddendreamer67 · 5 years

Text

Borrower Analogical (13)

Chapter Summary: November 23rd, 2019. Patton decides to bring Virgil a peace offering.

...Wait what? Okay somewhere those dates definitely got off whoops my b. I’ll have to look into that. The summaries are correct though. Also I’m counting this as 2. Cage for my October Prompts.

(Check my reblog for links to the previous chapters)

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Patton had been avoiding his bedroom, to the point where he had spent last night on the couch. When Roman found him there Patton lied and said he must have fallen asleep after a movie, but this was not the case. Patton just didn’t want to face Virgil yet.

Patton didn’t know what to do about it. Virgil could talk. Virgil had a name. What kind of creature- what kind of person- was Virgil, anyways? How could Patton respect Virgil and get to know him without letting the little guy get hurt?

Meanwhile, Virgil was a nervous wreck. He had taken to pacing back and forth, his mind racing to try and guess at what the humans might be doing. Patton hadn’t been back since he had overheard Virgil’s name. And now Virgil was going to suffer for it. Surely Patton told Roman about him by now. The two were probably conspiring some way to torture him into talking again. That night was where Virgil went wrong, wasn’t it? He was so stupid, thinking the human was asleep-!

The bedroom door creaked open, and Virgil whirled around to meet his fate. His frantic eyes met Patton’s surprised ones.

“O-oh!” Patton exclaimed, not expecting to see Virgil up and about. Usually he was so reserved, sitting in his corner. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Patton walked towards his desk, but with every step he took forward it seemed Virgil took a step back. Soon Virgil was pressed against the back bars of the cage. Patton sighed, taking a seat.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Virgil.” Patton’s use of Virgil’s own name caused the borrower to wince, remembering his failures.

Patton noticed Virgil’s response. “Do you...I mean, is it alright if I call you Virgil?”

Virgil paused for a moment. He slowly nodded. After all, if he was going to die at least he’d die not being called something like Angel.

“Okay.” Patton reached forwards, putting his key into the lock. Before he could even turn it Virgil flinched, covering his face.

“No!” Virgil protested, hearing the creak of the cage door. He waited for those gloved hands to squeeze around him.

“It’s okay!” Patton tucked his arms back under the desk, leaving the cage open. “I’m not going to grab you, I promise.” Patton hadn’t even brought his gloves this time.

Virgil slowly opened his eyes, noticing the lack of crushing pressure on his ribs. He peeked out. Sure enough, the cage door was wide open and Patton’s hands were out of sight.

“I...figured you’d still like some time out.” Patton explained at Virgil’s confused look. “It’s probably not very comfortable in there.”

No, it’s not. Virgil thought to himself, but he was still wary of this situation. It was definitely a trap. Virgil just couldn’t figure out how.

Still, if he knew it was a trap, Virgil would just stay on his toes. He couldn’t waste this opportunity. At the very least, some time to walk around would allow Virgil to better map out an escape plan. And if Patton got distracted, maybe he could even execute that plan?

Patton watched, transfixed as Virgil approached the cage opening and poked his head out to look around. Apparently deeming it safe, Virgil climbed out onto the wooden surface.

The moment he was free Virgil quickly backpedaled towards the back of the desk, keeping as much distance between himself and the human as possible. The distance was still far too short for his liking.

“That’s it.” Patton said in a soft encouraging tone, glad that Virgil had come out despite the fact he was afraid. “I just want to talk to you, kiddo.”

...oh no, it’s a conversation trap. Virgil groaned internally, looking around out of the corner of his eye at the various textbooks sat pressed against the back wall. Would he be able to duck behind any of them? He wanted out of this interaction now. Unfortunately there were no large enough cracks anywhere, so Virgil just sunk to the ground in front of the books and tried to appear small.

“Oh, and I brought you some food.” Patton pulled his hand up over the desk just long enough to set the plate down on the desk before returning his hands to his lap. It was pancakes, just like Patton had made the other day. Except these pancakes were as small as Patton could make them. They also weren’t burnt.

Virgil looked at the food, still able to see steam rising off the top. His stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten yesterday. Unfortunately, going to get food meant getting much closer to the human.

“They’re best when they’re still warm.” Patton said, noticing Virgil’s hesitation.

Slowly, keeping a careful eye on Patton, Virgil got up and began to inch closer to the plate. When Patton didn’t move, Virgil quickly grabbed one and dashed back to his spot. Only once he was there did he allow himself to take a bite.

Virgil bit back a groan. This was delicious. The borrower never had warm food before. This buttery treat melted on his tongue, leaving him feeling warm and satisfied. All too soon the pancake was gone. Virgil looked forlornly at the rest of the pile, still so far away.

“Oh, go ahead!” Patton, noticing Virgil’s gaze, nudged the plate closer to Virgil. “Take as many as you like.”

So Virgil did. At first he kept running back and forth with the pancakes, but after a while Virgil realized that was pointless. Patton wasn’t moving. The only thing Virgil was doing was tiring himself out and making it take longer for pancakes to get in his mouth.

Virgil sat down next to the plate, sitting cross-legged as he grabbed the little fluffy disks. Each one was only as big as his face. Virgil always thought they were bigger. Had Patton made them small...just for him?

As his belly slowly filled up, Virgil wasn’t sure how to feel about this. Though the pancakes were appreciated, Virgil was still suspicious of Patton’s attention towards him. But should he be? Even after Patton had learned his name, all Patton had done so far was give him space and fed him warm food.

“...thank you.” Virgil said quietly, deciding Patton at least deserved manners.

“You’re welcome.” Patton gave him a small smile. Virgil had eaten a lot, he must have been starving. Or he just really liked pancakes. Patton made a mental note to make him as many pancakes as he desired.

“So...Virgil…” Patton tried to approach the topic gently, hoping Virgil would be more cooperative now that he was fed. “If you don’t mind me asking … what exactly are you?”

Virgil tensed, immediately clamming up again. Of course Patton wasn’t just being nice; Patton had just been buttering him up.

“It’s just, I’ve never met something-er, someone- like you before.” Patton continued, trying not to feel discouraged as Virgil got up to stalk back to his corner. “And I don’t want to be rude and pry, but if you just told me about yourself I could-”

“No.” Virgil’s boldness surprised even himself as he interrupted the human, sulking with his arms crossed.

“No?” Patton repeated. “Come on, Virgil, please stop shutting me out. I’m just trying to help you.”

“No!” Virgil stopped his foot, feeling enraged. “You, you can’t just feed me food and, and let me walk around a few feet and expect me to spill my life’s story, alright? I don’t…” Virgil trailed off, remembering he was still talking to a giant human bean. He gulped, hugging his chest.

“...you don’t what?” Patton prompted gently. This was the most Virgil had ever spoken, ever, and Patton was desperate to hear what he had to say.

“I don’t...want to talk about it.” Virgil finished lamely. He had originally had a few choice names in mind to call the human, but now that just felt foolish. Virgil knew better than to purposefully anger a human.

“...okay.” Patton sighed, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice but failing. He had been so close to learning more about Virgil, and then he screwed it up at the last second by asking the wrong question. “Sorry.”

Virgil froze, for a moment confused by the sincerity in the human’s apology. It was almost...Virgil grit his teeth. No, it was just a trick, intended to get Virgil to open up. He was so stupid, letting his emotions get the better of him like that to the point where he almost spilled everything. He had to protect Logan, as much as he could, and make sure that nobody else suffered the same hell they both been dragged into and left to drown.

No, Virgil assured himself that the human wouldn’t be getting another word out of him. Instead the borrower stalked back into the cage, not in the mood to be manhandled into submission again. At least the cage made sense. The bars were a good reminder of where he was- trapped at a human’s mercy. It wasn’t like that was going to change any time soon.

Virgil could feel the human’s eyes on him, obviously. It sent an icy feeling down his spine to turn his back to him, so the second Virgil was inside he hunched up his shoulders and gave the human a defiant glare.

Go on then. Virgil challenged him mentally. He knew the kindness was just an act. Any moment now the door would lock, shutting Virgil back into his personal hell.

Patton opened his mouth, looking torn and ready to say something. He closed it, then open again. Over and over, caught in indecision. His hand stretched out, slowly, and frankly Virgil wished he would just get it over with; in a strange way, Virgil felt more vulnerable with the cage door open. Exposed. At least when Virgil was locked in, the world was locked out.

Finally, Patton gave a sigh, clearly having made up his mind.

The cage door closed with its signature click.

#g/t #gt #giant/tiny #sanders sides #borrower analogical #borrowers #borrower #borrower!virgil #human!patton #part 13

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averykedavra · 3 years

Text

what if I overanalyzed ATHD,,jkjk,,,unless?

hi yeah I know we’re riding the FWSA wave, but I was rereading the transcript of Are There Healthy Distractions? and I think we’re sleeping on some quality content (read: angst.) So I decided to break down one of my favorite parts in the episode--Virgil’s panic.

It’s pretty obvious that this episode isn’t just what it seems on the surface. The soft look Thomas gives Virgil when he says they’re “still friends” is proof of that. It’s all a layered metaphor for Virgil’s confession that he used to be a dark side, and that’s an interpretation I love, but I think there’s possibly something else there.

At its core, Are There Healthy Distractions? is about indecision. Well, not even that. It’s more regret--they’ve made their decision, and now they’re stuck with it. But they can’t help but wonder whether this was the right choice, or if it’ll only hurt them in the long run.

Virgil: Did I screw everything up?...Are we making the right decision here?

Remind you of anything?

It’s easy to forget since DWIT took place in the middle, but chronologically, it’s probably only been a few weeks since SvS in this episode. Thomas made his choice a few weeks ago. And everyone seems settled--until POF comes around--but stuff is still lingering. Look at this line from Roman:

Roman: Take it from Frozen's most inspirational song, "Fixer Upper". "People make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed. Throw a little love their way and you'll bring out their best."

Thomas dismisses this as “barely applicable” but, once again, Roman is actually more perceptive than he lets on. That’s not relevant to the problem on the surface, but it’s relevant to another problem--Virgil’s belief that he’s the bad guy. Everyone’s indecision about the wedding. And the growing suspicion that Thomas might really be a bad person.

This episode is about the aftermath of SvS, about bad choices you make and choices you make, and how Virgil is a lot less certain in his position than he lets on.

Virgil was the jury in SvS. Virgil condemned Thomas as “guilty,” despite not wanting to side with Janus, because he honestly believed Thomas was a selfish person. Then, in DWIT, he called Thomas’ morality into question again. It takes Logan a long time to talk Virgil down from the idea that Thomas having bad thoughts means there’s something wrong with him, and since Virgil wasn’t present in PoF, he wasn’t reassured like Roman. Virgil made a choice just like Roman did, and the repercussions of that are less severe, but still noticeable.

In Are There Healthy Distractions? those doubts come to the foreground. They aren’t dismissed so much as dealt with on a surface level, and it can be easy to overlook them, but these underlying themes are so interesting to me! Virgil has complicated feelings about Janus, Thomas, and himself, and nowhere is that better shown than in this episode.

Virgil: But what if he's telling the story wrong, and misrepresenting Thomas to everybody at the party? Everyone likes him! He could turn everyone against Thomas by painting him as some unsympathetic, judgmental jerk.

One of Virgil’s main threats in this episode is that Rico will talk badly about Thomas behind his back. He’s reassured by the others, and it makes sense that this is a fear he easily jumps to, given how important Thomas’ friends are to him. But if we dig a little bit deeper into this fear, it has echoes of another issue. It’s a fear that Rico will lie about Thomas and make everyone hate him.

Again, remind you of anything?

This line especially made me think of SvS, because it’s almost exactly what Janus did! Janus used his manipulation of Roman and the others--“everyone likes him,” Virgil says bitterly--to turn them all against Thomas and paint him in a negative light. “Everybody at the party” bought it, of course, even though “if our combative compatriot were to slanderously misrepresent Thomas to that extent, then maybe that's not a friendship Thomas should try to hold on to.”

Virgil is afraid that Thomas will lose his friends. What’s more, he’s afraid that Thomas will lose them over being a bad person--or having everyone believe they’re a bad person. And it’s clear that, for Virgil, those two things are inextricably linked.

Virgil: Maybe you were in the wrong. Maybe you were an unsympathetic judgmental jerk!

Look at how quickly he makes that progression. Look at how fast he believes the imaginary lies other people have told. Rico says Thomas is a bad person, everyone thinks Thomas is a bad person, therefore Thomas is a bad person. Majority rule, after all, and how can Virgil be an unbiased judge of Thomas? You only see things from your own perspective. Virgil doesn’t know if Thomas is a good person, so he’s relying on what he often does--a warped version of what other people think.

Virgil: Maybe not...if he lied on purpose. But you only see things from your perspective. And your perspective is your eyeballs looking out, away from you! And that makes it a lot harder to see your own flaws or where you went wrong.

That’s true! It’s also, in this case, harmful. Taken to the extreme that Virgil’s taking it, it’s almost championing that Thomas never rely on his own perspective, because it can’t be trusted. If Rico thinks Thomas was a jerk, and Thomas doesn’t think so, Thomas is automatically wrong because Thomas is biased.

And SvS! Again! The entirety of that episode was saturated with this extremely harmful philosophy--that Thomas can’t possibly judge for himself whether he’s a good person. Thomas buys into this, too, of course. I’m not saying one side pushed this agenda. It’s a combination of anxiety, self-doubt, and uncertainty that leads him to rely more on others than himself. He forces Patton to find him a path, Roman to give him a sentence, Janus to show him the truth. Thomas doesn’t take initiative in that episode, because he doesn’t trust himself fundamentally, and Virgil’s a large portion of where that distrust comes from.

It’s twisted selflessness, in a way, a natural progression of the way he views selfishness as evil. Selfishness isn’t only acting on your own needs, it’s understanding yourself, putting your opinion of yourself above everyone else’s. That’s a hard thing to do, and it can easily be taken too far, but it’s also important. So, so important. And Sanders Sides has made that clear.

Yet Thomas struggles with it. Thomas always outsources his problems to his Sides at first, almost as a reflex, never taking time to try and solve things himself. At the first sign of judgment, he crumbles. His Sides have talked him into trying to get a real job, dressing in a suit and tie and calling himself Mr. Sanders, drinking a blender filled with water, and going to a wedding because he’s a bad person otherwise. Thomas is, for lack of a better word, kind of a pushover in some ways. He doesn’t know how to stand firm and have faith in his own needs yet. He hasn’t mastered the word no.

And this doesn’t fully come from anxiety! One of the most interesting moments in Accepting Anxiety, for me, is when Virgil’s still absent and the others are trying to figure out what’s happening:

Thomas: Roman brought the clever nicknames to the table, I brought the oats and honey clusters to the table.

Roman: Put them down!

Thomas: Okay.

That’s Thomas with no anxiety. You’d think he’d be tougher, more likely to stand up for himself, but no. Roman says to put the food down. Thomas says okay immediately, almost as if he’s compelled, and puts it down.

For a second, that seems backwards. Wouldn’t anxiety make you more likely to listen to other people, in order for you to like them? And yes, in some circumstances, that’s the case. But anxiety, at its core, is about keeping you safe and happy. Virgil’s job is to protect Thomas. That extends to other people that are important to him, but in the end, Anxiety is a selfish trait.

Which, again, makes sense. “Light” sides and “Dark” sides are divided along many lines, but one is which are selfish and which are selfless. Thomas has been taught that selfish is a dirty word and selfless traits are the ones he needs to express. That’s why Janus, self-preservation, and Remus, wild creativity with no regards for others, have been locked up for so long.

That’s why it takes so long for Virgil to get accepted. Yes, Thomas needed to learn that Virgil could work with him. That was important. But it also took Virgil doing an act of selflessness--trying to essentially sacrifice himself for the betterment of Thomas and the group--for Thomas to truly accept him. Virgil had to prove he could fit in to Thomas’ selfless way of seeing the world, and when he did, Thomas welcomed him.

So Virgil, essentially, isn’t allowed to be selfish. He’s not really allowed to put Thomas first. And that’s so antithetical to who he is that it’s no wonder there’s been so much conflict. Virgil may have been accepted, but he also had to change in some ugly ways, ways that are going to harm both him and Thomas in the long run.

For instance, his relationship with Janus.

We have no idea what it is, or what their history is, but we can piece together that they have a fragmented past. They used to be allies or at least cordial, and now Virgil hates Janus’ guts. Understandable. Anxiety would hate lying, because of the potential societal consequences.

But Anxiety also sided with Deceit on an important question--and it wasn’t is Thomas a good person. It was the real question in SvS--does Thomas know himself as much as he thinks he does?

Janus and Virgil both said no. Janus in a long con to get Thomas’ attention, but Virgil out of a true belief in that. Virgil doesn’t trust Thomas, Virgil doesn’t trust himself, and Virgil is so ready to jump on a possible threat from within that he fails to think through the ramifications. He needs to protect Thomas. And sometimes that means pointing out flaws Thomas can’t see from his perspective.

That’s pure anxiety. Not working with Thomas to make him feel better, not finding ways to be selfless and prove he’s “good”, but siding with self-preservation as they prove Thomas isn’t inherently selfless.

Virgil has grown a lot since Accepting Anxiety, but in some ways, he’s grown in the wrong direction. He’s struggled to balance his scary, unhelpful past with his new self, and this is another representation of that. Virgil, in essence, doesn’t only fear that he’s the bad guy--he fears that maybe that’s all he’ll ever be.

Virgil has been here. He’s been the jerk, been the one everyone casts as the villain, and he’s hated it. Now Janus and Remus are back, plotting seeds of doubt in everyone’s heads, and for Virgil it feels like his acceptance is running out. What if they sabotage everything Virgil’s built? What if they, like Janus, make such a good case that Virgil’s forced to side with them? What if they say Virgil hasn’t changed?

What if Virgil hasn’t changed?

Virgil: Maybe you were in the wrong. Maybe you were an unsympathetic judgmental jerk!

The lack of faith Virgil has in his own experiences and needs is kind of heartbreaking. This is a guy terrified of public opinion, always on guard for attack or judgment, and that’s made him so attuned to disapproval he forgets to look for his own. He ducked out because everyone didn’t need him. He does his job but softens it, fights for Thomas but stays quiet, and is selfish until morality dictates he becomes selfless again.

(Maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, that’s the root of his issues with Patton. Patton says he has to be good to be accepted, has to be pure, has to be selfless and kind a hundred-percent of the time. Patton doesn’t mean to, of course, but it’s stifling to be treated that way, as if acceptance and love is conditional. Which echoes Roman’s arc in a heartbreaking way, but isn’t really the point of this post.)

Logan: He's trying not to be harsh so as not to be too distressing, but he is the source of your anxiety. This is odd. He is odd.

Once again, Logan calls it. Virgil is a living contradiction. He’s walking a tightrope and terrified of falling to either side. Indecision is Virgil’s modus operandi, making choices and regretting them, so is it any wonder he keeps Thomas worried after the party? Thomas made a choice, but was it the right choice, will it maintain the balance or send them careening over the side?

Thomas is going to the wedding, and now he’s upset, needing “something to look forward to.” Did Virgil do the right thing? Does he know what that even is?

Thomas thinks he did the right thing. Virgil should believe that’s enough. Virgil should trust Thomas more than anyone, because Thomas knows better. But Virgil’s antsy. Virgil’s worried. Virgil looks around at this picture-perfect movie night and is sure they’re burning a bridge.

Virgil: And sure maybe he wouldn't have gotten around some of the stuff you wanted to know about on his own, but things might have gone smoother if you just calmly asked later. And even though you had a right to feel angry, maybe you shouldn't have taken your anger out on him, because he's right--he is a different person now. And attacking a person for opinions that they don't have doesn't really do anybody any good.

This is a monologue where Virgil lets it all out, for a second, and spirals into a panic attack. This is a monologue where Virgil critiques Thomas in a kind but firm way, and if this wasn’t upsetting him so much, this would be a good critique! This is good, productive, helpful stuff! Virgil is trying so hard, but he’s panicking, and why is that?

Because he’s judging Thomas for how he handled SvS and DWIT.

Which Virgil hasn’t really outwardly done! With important stuff, Virgil gives Thomas the benefit of the doubt. Again, Virgil’s kind of afraid of speaking up. But here, it all comes rushing out, albeit under the guise of being about Rico. And it’s about Rico! And it’s about Janus, and it’s about Virgil, and it’s about Thomas and how Thomas made mistakes.

And even though you had a right to feel angry, maybe you shouldn't have taken your anger out on him, because he's right--he is a different person now.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I like reading this line in tandem with the “is that fair to him?” line in FWSA. It’s another line that isn’t necessarily about Janus. But, in a way, it could be.

Maybe you shouldn’t have made Janus the villain, Virgil’s saying. Maybe Janus isn’t good, but he’s changed, and he’s only trying to help. Thomas can’t blame Janus for all his problems. Thomas can’t attack Janus for a role he can’t help. Virgil’s sticking up for Janus here, in this very oblique way, and for once he acknowledges that Janus could be a different person now. Virgil is, after all. Janus might not be a force of righteousness, but he has opinions worth hearing.

Thomas made mistakes.

And so did Virgil.

Virgil: And attacking a person for opinions that they don't have doesn't really do anybody any good.

Virgil’s sat with the aftermath of SvS. And Virgil’s regretful. He sentenced Thomas guilty and now he has to deal with the guilt, and he’s wondering if Janus was right or not, if Virgil should have taken things this far.

Virgil is Anxiety. He sounds the alarm bells in case something happens. But what if he sounds the bell too early? He did in DWIT, and he learned that Thomas isn’t necessarily a bad person, and that he’s being too strict. If that applies to Remus, why not Janus? If that applies to “bad” thoughts, why not “bad” actions?

Is Thomas a bad person, and is Virgil bad for saying yes?

There’s a headcanon going around that might be confirmed later, based off the final scene of FWSA, that c!Thomas has ADHD. Whether or not that’s true, there’s this really interesting aspect of this that I want to quickly mention. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

Those who have a more painful reaction to rejection may be experiencing rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), characterized by extreme emotional sensitivity to being criticized or rejected (it can occur even when no rejection has taken place).

It can often go hand in hand with anxiety, which means it’s often misdiagnosed, but RSD is a separate thing. People who experience describe it as almost physical pain upon perceived rejection, feeling like a failure over small details. And I think it could explain a lot about Thomas’ relationship with the people in his life, his fear of their judgment, and how he blows small things out of proportion.

We know that anxiety isn’t the sole cause of Thomas’ issues with independence. Virgil is the opposite, actually--Virgil is the one pushing Thomas to protect himself. But Virgil’s become entangled--all of them have, really--in this idea that Thomas’ safety and well-being is less important than that of his friends. That Thomas’ opinion of himself is worth less than other people’s opinions of him.

That’s so incredibly harmful. That’s a symptom of something very bad going on, in both levels of anxiety and low self-esteem. Thomas is not only sacrificing time and opportunity for his friends, but his identity, molding himself to fit whatever they need. And every time he feels he’s failed, the rejection feels so painful that he begins to question whether he’ll ever succeed. If he’s meant for nothing more than this. If he is and always will be a bad person.

In PoF, they started to address this. But one agreement to do better won’t erase the long shadows of this kind of thinking, and it’s something Thomas and the others will have to work on in the future. Thomas has a possible-boyfriend now. And Thomas got that boyfriend by rejecting lying and being completely up-front, which is admirable, but again exemplifies his indecision. Thomas is lost in meaningless choices, and so is Virgil, who is so torn between staying at the party and leaving. He can stick it out and be approved, or he can play it safe and protect Thomas. So far, he’s found no in-between.

Virgil does so much for Thomas. And Thomas appreciates that, but I think in the future they should work to really work together, trusting themselves as much as they trust each other. True selfishness is trusting that you have the capability and right to make your own decisions. That you know what’s best for you. And that nobody can tell you otherwise.

Selflessness that hurts you, after all, ends up hurting everyone else in the end.

Virgil: If this is the foot we start out on...what's it gonna be like down the road? Will deceit continue to be the answer to all of your problems? Is that fair to him?

Thomas: No... No, he's better off without me.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides analysis #are there healthy distractions #averywrites #oof this turned out long but i had a lot of thoughts okay

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cupofkey · 4 years

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hetalia characters as tarot major arcana! (part 2)

here’s part 1 and part 3! all the usual disclaimers apply, this is just for fun :) here’s the next 8 cards:

VII The Chariot: Germany.

the Chariot is similar to the Magician in that it’s also about success, drive, and power, though I’d definitely say it concerns the practical aspect rather than the mental aspect. Germany is a character who has an incredible amount of focus and dedication, which imo is what this card is about: putting 100% into your goals and getting results. (lifting every day) I also sometimes interpret it as an indicator of duality or balance in one’s motivations, something I feel is very Germany, and it is the ultimate getting-shit-together-and-done card. basically perfect for him. [ngl I’m pretty alright with whoever people choose for this. any character with drive and will is an awesome facet of the Chariot, though I will say I think Germany fits the focused side the best. I do think it’s misinterpreted pretty hard but aren’t they all lmao]

VIII Strength: Canada.

Strength, contrary to the name, isn’t actually about physical strength. it’s a bit of a foil to the Chariot in that it concerns an internal drive and internal strength rather than external prowess. (and it’s different from the Magician in that the Magician is more results-oriented, whereas Strength is about something personal/emotional.) I feel Canada is a great example of this card; he might be meek and ignored, but he has a lot of inner fire and influence. he’s a strong fighter and is also extremely passive aggressive/cunning, traits that he keeps under wraps, and he’s persistent and solid when he wants to be. the typical imagery for strength is a woman taming a lion (representing conquering internal conflict/external pressure via one’s inner strength) and I think that’s very fitting indeed! [I love seeing Hungary for this one even though I know it’s probably a bit of a misinterpretation! this is one where I feel you could slide in a lot of unexpected characters as well, Liechtenstein and Finland were on my mind.]

IX The Hermit: England.

this is for sure an interesting choice on my part lol. I do see England as a very isolated character though? he’s just kind of... alone in everything, all the time. my personal view/hc thinks of him as an older guy who’s getting pretty tired and doesn’t really have anyone. a big part of the Hermit is inner guidance through uncertainty and self reflection, something I think is very very relevant to England moreso than any other character, whether he does it or not. he’s quite prickly and seems to drive away the people he needs the most, and the Hermit to me feels like both a representative card and an advice card for him. giving fictional characters therapy 2020 [tbh I was strongly considering Japan for this for like... so many reasons? I mean he’s literally a hermit. but I actually really like where I’ve put everyone, it’s fresh and lets me explore different sides of the cards. so here we are]

X The Wheel of Fortune: Prussia.

another interesting and maybe controversial one! the Wheel of Fortune is very much about the ups and downs, the turns and twists, and most importantly the changes of life. I feel it’s very relevant to Prussia in a lot of ways; historically, this back-and-forth nature runs through his past, and I feel he’s one of the characters where that really shines through to his personality. it’s canonically established how lonely and alienated he feels, contrasting greatly with his perceived bravado... def think he’s more resistant to those changes and it’s hurting him a lot. change has beaten him down and taken everything away from him so what is he gonna do now? his future is the most uncertain out of all of the characters for sure. I also am reminded of the Wheel of Fortune’s ties to the concept of karma, and I wonder how much that plays into Prussia’s personal demons. [this one... is a bit of a pessimistic take, yeah, but it can be a wonderful card to pull when you’re struggling! another widely applicable card. I do like seeing duos/trios representing this though, I think it really suits the nature of the card]

XI Justice: Switzerland.

Justice is a very critical, scrutinizing card, focused on the capital-T Truth and the capital-L Law. it’s really about the choice to maintain that. I mean this is the guy who snipes trespassers. lol but seriously I think Switzerland is the best character to fit this. he’s a hardass and operates by a very specific set of rules, and he crucially does not deviate from them because he chooses them and believes them. his neutrality is another great demonstration of this; awareness of the consequences of your actions is very much Justice. his relationship with Liechtenstein is interesting because he does end up subverting or breaking those rules (no outsiders, frugality, that whole swissaus drama, etc) but it’s also a choice, and it’s the right choice for his own beliefs. I also feel like it shows a sense of accountability on his part [important thing to note: Justice is not about morals! at least not how I interpret it, imo you can be lawful evil and vibe with Justice. this is why I don’t mesh with people assigning America or Denmark or anyone who’s wilding, it just doesn’t match the tone of the card.]

XII The Hanged Man: Russia.

one of my favorite major arcana, and one of the most complex! the Hanged Man can mean a pause, realignment, indecision, surrender, sacrifice... really though I think Russia embodies it so well. he just isn’t understood by pretty much every other country; the way he thinks and acts is completely out of the box for most. his history has been difficult, turbulent, rife with death and sacrifices, and he’s often in a kind of limbo of dread when it comes to making solid decisions. (see: his relationship with his sisters). it’s a card that feels both contemplative and restraining, if that makes sense? there’s a focus on the inner landscape, though the external circumstances are trapping you there, and that’s very Russia to me. [do people know what this card means? probably not, hell even I struggle with it at times. I will say you can take a pretty lighthearted interpretation of it, though I personally prefer something more ambiguous, and ofc it all depends on context if you’re pulling it in a reading.]

XIII Death: HRE.

[putting this at the beginning bc I want you to know: Death is not usually about dying!! it’s actually a very positive card. it means a transformation in your life, or some fundamental shift in the way things are. choosing deadly characters is cool but it doesn’t align with the card itself.] anyways I chose HRE for Death for a few reasons. obviously he dies, but I feel like a lot of the historical aspect of HRE lines up with Death very well. I’d say all of the characters have experienced major changes etc, but the ideas behind the creation of the HRE are very much an attempt at metamorphosis imo, like transforming that conflicting puddle of states into one big thing, transforming the power dynamics in western/central Europe, creating a new Roman Empire, etc. HRE also has a big impact on the other characters and is a catalyst of sorts? if you subscribe to HRE=Germany, Death is 100% the perfect card as there is literally a metamorphosis from one to the other. even if you don’t, imo no other character suits Death as much as HRE, just because of how thematically relevant it is to his arc compared to others featured.

XIV Temperance: Japan.

like I’ve said, Japan has a couple other major arcana he could fall under, but I really like Temperance for him! this card is one of the calmest major arcana, and it’s all about balance and moderation. Japan himself is quite fastidious with all his ducks in a row, has a lot of patience, and definitely strives to live a simple and balanced life. this is like the cottagecore card to me so that definitely fits! he’s also very accommodating and doesn’t express solid opinions on things, something that’s a bit of a RIP but fits Temperance’s “go with the flow” nature very well. [I love love love this card. definitely another one of my favorites! I feel it’s often applied to characters who are on the shy side, but I think a touch of neuroticism really makes it perfect lol. not too much! but just enough to walk the middle ground and keep oneself neutral. another one where swissaus is iconic but I feel they’re a bit too much.]

#hws #aph #hetalia #tarot #major arcana #analysis time bby #hws germany #hws canada #hws england #hws prussia #hws switzerland #hws russia #hws hre #hws japan

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