#i am so attached to characters who really just never got to grow up and act one way but really are very gentle and compassionate

[tree-obsession]

I AM NOT OKAY DEAR GOD IT'S BEEN HOURS AND I AM STILL WEEPING

his gentle face??? the soft, delicate, kind voice and his eyes visibly softening even more and the real, genuine little smile as he blesses his younger self with his sister's voice in the background.

hoyo why do you hurt us like this it's going to consume my thoughts for DAYS now

#gnawing at the bars of my enclosure rn #the animation is impeccable #brought me to tears instantly #his arc was so GOOD i was attached to him before but holy crap #honkai star rail #hsr #aventurine #hsr aventurine #aventurine hsr #i am so attached to characters who really just never got to grow up and act one way but really are very gentle and compassionate #and just never were allowed to show it #he's been through so much and is still actually able to be nice which really says a lot abt him #the only thing that might have made me cry more were the convo with acheron when he asks why humans even exist #and the scene where kakavasha aventurine and future aventurine were all standing together #actual peak fiction. will never recover.

[iridescentdove]

👏I👏AM👏TIRED

of seeing so many Yandere! BSD x Reader, and it’s always the character or everyone being Yandere for Reader, I have to request a Platonic! BSD x Yandere! Teen! Reader, in which Reader is in any organization of your choice, and since Reader is underage, they see said organization as their family, precious people that they hold dear to their hearts, and don’t wish for any of them to die or leave and abandon them. This triggers their Yandere instincts, and ultimately they kill anybody who’s hurt their darlings in any way or attempts to "steal" their attention or worse, guide them away from Reader.

LONELINESS NO MORE.

platonic!bsd x yandere!teen!reader

A/N: It's nice to go a bit gruesome sometimes lol- anyways, so I just decided to choose the PM for this.

Let's just say you were similar to Dazai in a way. As a homeless young child, you had no home or family and friends to even call your own.

And to say the least? It was a little lonely.

This was something rather different, as you grew up to have an understanding that the world is never fair. Even before being taken into the Port Mafia by MORI, you were already much of an unhinged criminal yourself.

In a way, it was bad due to how young you were, but given this was a wretched world on it's own – many things can happen.

You killed, you stole, you did many things. At some point you probably rivaled Dazai's crime list because yours looked like an entire fucking receipt.

And that is what lesd you to the mafia.

MORI had found you, and went 'fuck it', deciding to just grab you and take you back with him to the base.

Well at first – you got a bit defensive, not knowing his real intention and thinking of fighting back yourself. But it was when he gave you new clothes, gave you food, and actually took responsibility of you was when you realized.

This man was just ... taking care of you.

And for the first time? You were really excited. It didn't take very long for you to grow accustomed to the Port Mafia.

Sure they made you do dangerous and gruesome missions, but you were used to it honestly. So it didn't matter that much. You met new faces and grew very attached to them, the dreaded loneliness that creeped into your heart grew into–

Obsession.

Yes, that's right. You found no other reason to dislike them at all, and they treated you like no one else ever did.

Like family.

CHUUYA was rather nice to you, despite his aggression and the rough edges he seems to pull off. Since you're underage, he drinks grape juice with you. Lmao ye, we love that shit. You liked being around him, defending him against accusations and giving him a shoulder to lean on.

He was like a brother to you. You adored most things about the fancy hat man. Scratch that, everything about him.

He releases one of those rare genuine smiles – mostly only to you, and he just thought you were the sweetest.

Oh, how wrong he was.

It was only one simple conversation. CHUUYA was talking to another mafia members in the lower ranks, discussing about the topic for the next PM meeting at hand.

Of course at first glance, they didn't look close at all. Just a normal chat between acquaintances. But did it make you mad?

Obviouely it did.

The very next day, the orange haired-man was looking for the same said man he spoke with the day before. Yet he was rather confused to see he wasn't around.

What the hell? Well that was weird, he could have sworn that he asked to meet them in this same spot right now.

Well, guess he wouldn't be meeting with them after all. In the distance, you were smiling – hiding that dead, cold expression on your face as you wiped the blood off the saw, a few splashee of blood and guts on the weapon.

But of course, you wouldn't let him know anything~ ♡

And simply, KOUYOU made it much easier. She was like a sweet, elder sister that spoiled you and taught you everything that you needed to know.

You simply loved her, and loved the times when you'd just hang around each other and dress one another up in various clothes. Be it trendy outfits or putting makeup on one another.

She took care of you as she should, and she grew very attached as well. KOUYOU was rather protective and sweet.

So when you saw her spoiling another girl in the picture, you were fucking livid.

How dare she pay more attention to another kid than you?

She was treating KYOUKA in private as if she was more important than you ever were. And it began to hardem your heart once more, growing angry at your elder sis paying more attention to some useless assassin.

You were way better than her, stronger even.

So imagine how relieved and prideful you felt when that girl had left the mafia to be with the detective agency instead. She wasn't even loyal! She doesn't deserve to be in the PM!

It left KOUYOU feeling agitated and sad, so you did what a younger sibling would do. You were the one comforting her, even manipulating her with your sweet words. You lured her in and had her give you more attention than before.

Just like how you wanted it to be.

AKUTAGAWA was honestly a tough nut to crack. You can easily tell he doesn't care about you at all. Well, he'd acknowledge your abilities a little but that's all you're getting.

But that won't stop you from killing those who tried to get even the slightest close to him.

After all, family members must stay with one another forever.

You didn't really mind much about that blonde girl who admires him and follows him around. It's not like she can take him away, he doesn't give a damn about her.

Plus, his sister was very nice! She gave you the love you needed, and she actually cared. Even though her brother was pretty cold, you'd think she also was – but in reality, GIN is a sweet, somewhat shy girl who gave you gifts and attention.

No matter which mafia member it was – wheneve ryou were with them, you were so sweet and caring, such an adorable teen who looks out for all of them and their wellbeing.

Yet behind closed doors, while they weren't looking, you glared daggers at other kids or people they payed attention to, your greedy self wanting all of it to yourself.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't!

You never held back. You spilled their guts out, you ripped out those fools' hearts – crushing it under your foot, knowing you deserved the love more than their ignorants asses ever did.

And most of all? No one noticed a thing. MORI had continued to send you out mission after mission. He didn't notice the desperate pleads of those immature adults, the heartbreaking cries of those innocent children.

If it was for family, you'd do anything.

After doing all that – you give them a sickly sweet smile, as you pull them to hang out and play with you, no questions asked.

They never noticed.

And quite clear, you were a sadistic young teen. After being so pissed seeing those people getting close to them, it's like a breath of fresh air when you hear the bloodcurdling screams coming from their mouths.

TACHIHARA wasn't that observant, but he could tell that there was something not right about you at all. Yet, he himself was not free from the depths of your pure, honest love. He'll find himself spoiling you, loving you – like you're his very own sister.

He was going to fall into the trap whenever he likes it or not, because you love them way too much.

If someone else tries to destroy that happiness,

They'll just have to dissapear like the rest.

#port mafia x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #port mafia #chuuya nakahara #yandere #bsd yandere #mori ougai #ozaki kouyou #platonic bsd #teen reader #bsd akutagawa

[kyouka-supremacy]

I was asked why I like Beast and why I prefer it over the main universe, so obviously I ended up with a 2k+ words essay on why Beast is great. Now I feel like it diverges too much from what the original ask was actually asking for, so I'm leaving it to its own post. Enjoy.

Why do you like Beast? So, first of all you MUST know that this is a question that could keep me talking for days to no end. I'm not kidding. Here there will be some disorganized rambles but trust me, if I had time to actually do so I'd keep going on forever.

Alternative universes are cool I love Beast. I think it starts off at a point when the bsd author was more experienced from having already worked with the main series for many years, and ultimately ended up making an alternative version of the work that is more mature and refined, while still maintaining bsd's core themes (and conservative worldviews at that lmao). Starting off, the “what if” concept is endlessly fascinating, pretty much the entire fandom culture is based on it. It IS unfailingly cool to see what could have happened if Akutagawa sided with the ada and Atsushi with the pm, it is extremely interesting to see what changes out of their personalities and on the other hand what stays the same, what is intrinsically them. About sskk, I find it really compelling how Beast tackles intimate aspects of their lives, pasts and traumas. The café scene is genuinely brilliant in the way it shows, completely unexpectedly and to the reader's full disbelief, them getting along in normal circumstances. Who could have predicted that! Of all things, Akutagawa and Atsushi getting along. But it happened, and nothing before had ever shown to that extent how similar they are, how much on the same page they are, how much they're meant to be– like yeah obviously I mean romantically, but even if you're not particularly into that, it displayed just how deeply connected they are. I'm forever grateful for that scene.

Beast Akutagawa is great But I think… More in general, I just really like Beast Akutagawa and Beast Atsushi, even better than their canon counterparts 😅 Again I do think at the point when they wrote Beast the author had already gathered a lot of experience from serializing bsd for at least five years, and ended up making characters that are more solid and compelling (although please don't get me wrong, I LOVE canon sskk and I believe canon Akutagawa's character arc in particular is amazing. It's just that at least to me Beast sskk is everything I could ever ask for.). I love Beast Akutagawa! It was so so capturing to see him grow outside of the pm. And especially it was infinitely interesting to see Akutagawa grow outside of Dazai. And don't get me wrong, I love the influence Dazai has on canon Akutagawa, I wouldn't have it any other way: it made Akutagawa who he is, and I love reading about his character. But I also found it wonderful and pleasantly refreshing to see how he would be if he had never undergone Dazai's training; I like this Akutagawa who's possibly even more immature and impulsive, wild and untamed than his canon counterpart. Beast is also the universe where Akutagawa gets his chance at being a good person - which is something he desperately strived for but never got to have in the main universe -, and in the end I am a little attached to Akutagawa, so I'm happy for him! His relationship with Oda and the whole ada are wonderful, I like getting to experience a universe where Akutagawa is loved and supported, unapologetically, for who he is.

Beast Atsushi is great Beast Atsushi is AMAZING. Like. Character molded appositely to my liking ahah. He's so cool! He's so tormented! He's sweet and cruel and utterly unstable! I love him so much. He truly is Atsushi at his full potential. I love this Atsushi who's biggest fear isn't the world, but rather himself. He's beautiful and horrible and deathly and kind. He killed his abuser to stop him from haunting his nightmares, but ended up turning those nightmares into his life. He takes his coffee with three sugars. He loves his little sister and would risk the safety of his organization and the boss he's endlessly loyal to for her. The only person who ever understood him is his most loathed enemy. He's one with death and indistinguishable from darkness. His laughter stops rain. He lives in perpetual physical pain due to a choker constantly piercing around his neck and yet even that is nothing compared to the damage of his psyche. He's so, so fucked up. He deserves the world. I LOVE HIM.

Beast Dazai is great Also, I really like Beast Dazai!!! He's always Dazai, but I think his character works out a lot better in Beast for the role he covers. In canon Dazai is this omniscient, all knowing figure, but he's also a protagonist, and him being so perfectly flawless doesn't go well in the long run. You've seen it in the last season 5 episode, it just gets boring after a while– it would be nice to see him face actual challenges and high stakes for once, but he's so overpowered, that never happens. In Beast, it's pretty much the same deal (author really loves Dazai lmao), but the fact that he isn't the protagonist and instead the main villain? I feel like from a storytelling standpoint, it works so much better!! I mean, his being omniscient works a lot better– he's not the one who the reader expects facing challenges and high stakes, the protagonist is. In addition, in Beast Dazai has almost universal knowledge due to his link to the Book, so that makes his being omniscient and even god-like a lot more feasible and easy to contemplate! I think that plot-wise it just works a lot better, there's an actual reason he's so overpowered, and that reason is explained, it's in the text. Oh and I LOVE his utter devotion to Oda. I know it's the same in canon, but still… There in Beast you can see it concretely, you can see it everywhere. That very universe exists how it is because of Dazai's love for Oda, because there's nothing he wouldn't do for him, because in the whole universe, in the whole multiverse, Oda's happiness is the only thing that matters to him. I think such strong feelings of love being put so explicitly is something simply wonderful to read, and makes Dazai infinitely more sympathetic than what he may be in canon. “But I do have one regret, Odasaku— I won't be able to read the novel you'll complete one day.” LIKE YEAH, SURE, ALRIGHT, JUST SHOOT ME TO THE HEAD ALREADY. That line alone is worth the whole novel, honestly. Oh and the thing about Oda harshly repudiating Dazai, the man who literally did everything for him, who dedicated his whole life for him… Man!!! That REALLY made me sympathize with Dazai in a way canon will never be able to. All those factors only contribute making Dazai's suicide in the end all the more emotional– which I believe works really well in the story, he is an enemy and he is a god and he had to die, but still makes for an extremely emotionally charged scene and a wonderful story climax. Imo Beast Dazai had to die so that canon Dazai could live (and, hopefully, find a reason to live!), and it's as bitter as it is beautiful.

The Beast ada dynamics are great And I love the ada in Beast!!! They feel infinitely more of a family than they do in canon. Kenji, Kunikida, Tanizaki, they all seem to love Akutagawa in a way that's hard to be found towards Atsushi in canon? The way they didn't falter to rescue Akutagawa even as he went, against all their advices and pleas, to a suicidal rampage was wonderful and heartwarming. They make it sound unbelievable that when Atsushi was (mind you, unwillingly) kidnapped their first response would be that it was an hassle and that he should have dealt with it on his own (this time I truly believe it was the author learning from their own mistakes, because seriously, who does that. It makes everyone instantly feel a thousand times less sympathetic). As people have said, the ada alone makes Beast feel like the “right” universe on the basis that in it they actually care about their members. All things considered, the ada treats Akutagawa as this kind of rabid murderous gremlin they just adopted who's going to bite everyone but that they still love no matter what, and it's super cute. Beast ada really is the bsd found family if there ever was one.

A cool plot The Beast storyline is just very compelling in general? The introduction chapter is amazing, I mean, The Heartless Cur is amazing. Again, Beast Akutagawa is such a great character, and the description of his struggle to find his own humanity, although in my opinion does fall weak in some points and has flaws, still treats a concept that's very interesting to ponder over nonetheless. I like how there's a series of more light-hearted chapters in the first half, it helps solidify the characters, and those chapters are really nice to read; not to mention having lighter chapters alternated with the strikingly more gloomy and violent pm Atsushi scenes makes the latter feel all the more frightening and disturbing, it's a great narrative choice. And the big crescendo of Akutagawa storming in the pm headquarters! His fight of physics and morals against Atsushi! Them telling each other they're nothing like the other when the reader knows the exact opposite is true! It's all very good, and again, Dazai's suicide makes for a perfect climax to the story.

Sometimes being a seinen can be good I like how Beast is a seinen way more than the main story is? Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with shounen manga - which bsd seems to lean towards more often than not, with only occasionally tackling more adult concepts -, but at this specific time in my life those darker themes are just something I find more entertaining to read about. I feel like the gritty and often gruesome depictions, although maybe a little overused in the manga, really help emphasize the dark atmosphere of the manga and overall effectively convey the whole “beast” imaginary as wild / violent / unpleasant / animalistic.

It's got sskk in it And in general it's just… Compared to canon, Beast is very very sskk centered. It's significantly shorter than the canon manga, and in a way that helped focus on sskk specifically, because it only had space to narrate one story, which is sskk's. And I don't know what to tell you, I'm here for the sskk. Of course I like Beast best.

Beast Atsushi is great (cont.) Back to Beast Atsushi because he's everything, really. I love how when I went into Beast I was like “I mean, whatever Dazai is making of Atsushi under the pm, if can't possibly be any worse than the constant abuse Akutagawa had to experience 😊” AND I WAS PROVED WRONG. I mean, I think the fact alone that the author could come up with something worse is remarkable. Dazai's emotional manipulation and psychological torment is, I believe, the darkest facet of Dazai we ever witnessed, and it's extremely well executed. Beast Atsushi is so so unstable, so on the brim of mental breakdown and psychosis at every second. Him being made unable to let go of the past makes him live in a perpetual nightmare. And I feel like the way his character story is unwrapped is truly masterful, storytelling wise!!!! On the reader's first encounter with him, it's evident how deeply scarred and disturbed he is, but the reader can't tell why. That adds to the mystery and feeling of unsettling surrounding the character: his story is wrapped up by darkness and it's impossible to predict, just like he is– and it's deliciously unsettling, scary, to be unable to tell anything about what made him like he is except from guessing that it must have been something really bad. And yet even then /nothing/ could have prepared the reader to what his backstory really is? And when the traumatic event is finally unveiled, it's worse then any guess the reader could have made. Atsushi's back to the orphanage flashback passage is terrifying! He didn't undergo any harm, like it would have been easy to guess; on the contrary, his torment stems from having killed his abuser. But he did so at a point when he didn't represent a threat for him anymore, when he was proud of him, when he got close to resemble a father to his eyes; and all of this he realized too late; and now he lives in constant regret, constant terror of himself. It's great, really! And even then, Atsushi carries on with being. super cool lmao. Like yeah he's unstable and everything, he's wild and violent, but he's also still very kind. He's timid and blushes easily. He also feels a lot more mature than he does in canon, and it's nice to see. He's more confident and serious, and that's nice too. He REALLY is my favorite character.

Some pretty cool scenes are in it Moving on, Beast has some truly amazing scenes. The Heartless Cur is amazing and builds up such an awesome character, Atsushi's introduction is petrifying, the Kenji / Akutagawa conversation is as deeply moving as it is cathartic. I won't be talking about the sskk café scene. Akutagawa's whole assault to the pm headquarters is rich of emotional scenes. I already talked about Atsushi's flashback and Dazai's suicide being wonderful passages both from technical and emotional standpoints. And the manga ending is just so good!!!!!!! Like it truly is the perfect ending– the way it ties up with the main story! How it feels like ada Akutagawa's story has just begun, a conclusion but also hope for what's to come. The “out behind our company's building there are some people of low character hanging about”– I can't stress enough how emotional this line, a final and definite tie to the main story, makes me, how meaningful it is in its quality of being both an ending, and a beginning. The last page showing Akutagawa at the center of the ada, it just moves me so deeply to see him being the protagonist, surrounded by a crowd of people who love and support him, getting his own chance at a life in the light 😭😭😭 “I'm going to live as an agency member. I'll solve cases, rescue the weak, and prove that I'm not evil.” Crying my eyes out 😭😭😭😭😭😭 And don't get me started on when Akutagawa and Atsushi's voices mix up to speak as one; I could never hope to be able to express what that makes me feel.

Siblings dynamics are my jam I also love Beast because one of the main aspects that drives the plot is Ryuunosuke and Gin's relationship, and I /love/ siblings relationships, and I //love// Ryuunosuke and Gin's relationship. I don't think Gin's character was written well at all (because the author literally can't write female characters for the life of theirs), but eh, at least it reinforced the concept that Ryuunosuke loves Gin terribly and would be able to do anything for her. Atsushi and Kyouka's relationship, too, is to die for.

The designs and manga art style slay Besides, the character designs are beautiful???? Akutagawa's Beast outfit is my second favorite out of the whole franchise, it's just such a look™. I love in general how rabid and messy Akutagawa looks in Beast, he feels so much more free? And like, good for him. In my head Beast Atsushi is the most handsome man in the entire franchise and I don't think I can take criticism on this. I find cutting off his longer bang such a witty way to represent not only how this Atsushi is different from the one we know (after all, that's the most remarkable and eye-catching feature of his appearance!), but also to symbolize how the cut with his past at the orphanage was harsh and violent. Characters designs aside, Hoshikawa's art style is GORGEUS. It's hard and rough and messy, it's dark and unpolished and violent and beautiful and exactly everything Beast is. It's PERFECT for the story, it's like it was made to portray it.

Sskk is always great And that's just talking about the canon content but like. Beast means a Beast sskk. Which is basically new and improved sskk. And I like sskk. And I like every version of sskk but especially this version where they're even more violent and fucked up and madly in love with each other and evidently meant to be. So yeah.

And this is like, just the very tip of the iceberg of what I love about Beast. Humbling offering you this Beast love letter in hope we can all give this novel the appreciation it deserves (๑˃‌ᴗ˂‌)۶

#ryūnosuke akutagawa #atsushi nakajima #sskk #shin soukoku #osamu dazai #bsd ada #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd beast #bsd analysis #my analysis #mine

[sophswritingthings]

hiiiiii! i’m not sure if requests are open but if they are, here’s an idea that i’d love to see come to fruition!

okay so: after maybe 5 or so years, mizu finally kills skeffington, roughtly (rowley?? i literally cannot remember his name 😭) and fowler, and maybe along the way she met and grew close with a woman that lived in england at the time she got there with fowler.

like, REALLY close, the most human connection either of them have ever had. but, mizu eventually has to go home, and during their goodbyes, they both try to play it cool with the whole “you were a wonderful experience” but in reality they’re both like “you were everything” and once mizu gets on the boat back to japan, they lose it. ending is up to you! ty for your time <3

pairing: mizu x fem!english!reader

warning(s): none

a/n: ya'll. I’m combining these becauseeeee they were similar enough for me to do so! hope you guys don’t mind <3

summary: after spending her time in england, mizu grows close with you. and you do the same with her. you feel an attachment, to the samurai—it’s the closest you’ve ever felt to anyone. and you never wanted her to leave; but you knew she must.

word count: 746 words / 3,948 characters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you knew this day was coming.

mizu had told you all about her vow; how she had sworn herself to kill the white men in japan, at the time of her birth. the men who had made her the way that she was.

and you couldn’t help but want to thank those men—because you loved the woman you had met.

mizu had finished her quest. her vow had be fulfilled.

now—it was time for her to return back to japan. one day—one night, you had together, until the boat that had gotten her here came to take her back to japan.

the day you dreaded so much.

you were sitting together, nestled onto a plush rose covered sofa.. her arm draped around your shoulder—your hand coming up to wrap around her rough hands.

it was silent. neither of you wanted to talk about it. 

“okay,” you said in that british accent that you held, getting your feet. mizu gazed at you; wondering what you were doing. and what were you about to lecture her about? “neither of us want to talk about you leaving; I can see that, mizu, but.. we have to.”

she sighed, adverting her blue gaze, “what is there to talk about, (y/n)? I am leaving. I won’t see you again.”

you almost whimper at her words.

“I..” you whisper, recoiling a bit, “I-I cannot just come with you?”

mizu shook her head, “no. not in the slightest,” she hissed, her eyes narrowed. “they want to kill me for simply having the blue eyes of a white man.. what do you think they will do to you?”

you sigh, folding your arms across your chest. you knew she was right; but you couldn’t help but hold onto hope of the idea.

“than.. what shall we do?” you posed the question. what were you to do?

“we will spend what little time we have together,” she grabbed your hand, yanking you back onto the couch beside her.

despite the grim conversation; you couldn’t help but giggle at her action.

“I love you, mizu.. I truly do. I have never felt closer to anyone than you,” you rest your chin against her chest, looking up at her with wide, loving eyes.

she kissed your forehead, “I love you too, (y/n). I feel the same as you. never before have I been able to get close to anyone; yet you welcomed me with open arms. I love you.”

you were standing on the dock to the large ship, holding a small case for mizu. yes, she hadn’t come with anything but the clothes on her back and her sword.

yet you had packed away things you wanted her to have. you wanted her to have something to remind her of you, even if it was a sad idea.

you lean over to kiss her cheek, handing her the case tenderly. tears were rolling down your cheeks, smiling softly despite it all.

“.. I will miss you,” you whisper. “you.. we’re a great experience, mizu.”

she smiles, grabbing your hand and kissing—like the first time you’d met her.

“you—were everything.” she says softly, allowing her lips to linger on your hand for just a second—before the contact faded.

you watched as she boarded the boat, that case bouncing at her side..

you couldn’t bare to see her go. tears followed down your cheeks like a raging river.

no. you weren’t letting her leave; it wasn’t happening. 

��mizu!” your feet were suddenly rushing you toward the boat, your heel’s clacking against the creaking wood as you ran up the boats ramp, “I-I’m not allowing you to leave. not without me.”

her eyes narrowed to slits. she wanted that; she wanted that so bad. but she couldn’t bare to put your safety at risk for her own selfish wants.

“no—you cannot—I—“

you stopped her before she could finish speaking.

“mizu, I don’t care—I will hide, if I have to—hide in the mountains where no-one will ever find me. but I wish to be with you. I need to be with you.” you hissed, your hands resting on either side of her face.

she seemed to melt at your touch; sighing.

“alright,” she conceded.

an idiot; that’s what she was. sneaking a white woman into japan; under her protection and care.

but here she was—doing it anyway.

you needn’t worry, though, you were under her protection now. and she wasn’t going to let anyone ruffle a hair on your head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag(s): @the-crustation-sensation tagging even though you’ll probably see this lol <3

#mizu x you #mizu x reader #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu #blue eyed samurai #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #ask #asked and answered #x reader #request #fic request

[teyamsatan]

lllicit Affairs | Chapter VI: Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have a dark secret that would change everything between you - and neither of you are willing to share.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, Lo'ak x reader, jealous!Neteyam, both main characters thirsting for each other, mentions of lab work, disease, blood, cursing.

Word Count: 7,2k words

A/N: Chapter 6 is the chapter that sets EVERYTHING in motion for what's to come. There is a LOT to come, a lot of drama and angst, maybe some smut (? 😉) and this chapter is meant as a stepping stone to the beginning of the end. Also, realised I forgot to ever mention, that if the dialogue is ever italicised, that usually means the conversation is in Na'vi, I don't know how I have never made it clearer, but here we are.

Thank you so much for everyone who's been reading and asking to be tagged, I never expected this to gain any traction and I am so grateful for people enjoying it x

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave you too much but it wasn't enough But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts

One second. 

“Just one second, Neteyammm!”, you whined, as he was trying to remove the blanket from your currently very comfortable and very warm body. 

“It’s late, come on! Early bird catches the worm, isn’t that what you people say?”

“Nobody says that, I don’t know who told you this lie.” 

“It was you!!” he says, and he’s laughing at your whinging while trying to remove the blanket. He’s not trying that hard, considering he would make an easy job out of the task if he used a tenth of his actual force, but he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing you any unnecessary distress. You had enough of that in your life, and he wanted to be a source of comfort for you, a shelter in the storm. 

You scooted on one side of the bed close to the edge, and left a big gap which you brought to his attention by patting it aggressively. 

“Press the button on the audio player and lay with me, please? I don’t feel like going out today.”

He couldn’t say no to you, he realises. He would follow you anywhere in this world, do anything you asked of him, regardless how stupid or reckless or crazy it was. He would always follow you, for the rest of time, and he was happy about it. 

A song he liked came on, one that he’s heard you play before and there was no doubt in his mind that he liked it better when you sang it. He circled the bed and lay in it, next to you, in the dark. 

“Thank you, light of my life.” You attached yourself to him, arms sprawled across his bare chest and legs carelessly placed on top of abdomen and hips, and sighed contently. He could feel your warm breaths on his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He turned his head to you and placed a small kiss on top of your head and listened to the soft tune filling up the room. 

“Oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you”

“You’re annoying.”

“I know I am, but you love me anyway.”

I do, Neteyam thought. I really do…

Things happen in life sometimes, and it makes you lose your ability to react. There was no reaction, definitely no overreaction. You stared at the vial of blood that shattered all across the floor, all across you and your mind was blank. Almost robotically, you made your way to one of the benches and got some paper rolls and the IMS laying next to it. You carefully cleaned all of it, and spit whatever made its way to your mouth to the floor to be removed. When you were sure everything was gone, you went to the sink and removed your goggles and gloves, and scrubbed yourself clean. You felt yourself moving, picking up a bucket of water with some floor cleaner, felt yourself adding disinfectant to it and moping thoroughly, but it was like an out-of-body experience. Like you were merely a puppet executing orders from above. Cleaning everything took about an hour, after which you made your way back to your room slowly, deliberately. 

You didn’t sleep. You spent the whole night looking over everything you and the rest of the scientists have ever found out about this virus. You didn’t know its way of transmission. Maybe you had nothing to worry about, maybe it’s not by blood. You knew it’s not by air, you’ve seen plenty of people infected whose family was fine. So even if you do get infected, the people at the lab should be fine. Your friends would be fine. He would be fine. 

Next, incubation period. That’s a tough one, in-vitro studies show it takes the virus anywhere from 2 to 12 months to show symptoms. You don’t know how that changes in humans. You don’t know any of this shit for humans. You could be perfectly fine, you could die within the month. The thought made your blood run cold. 

You sat in your chair for the remainder of the night. Unmoving, unthinking. 

That’s how Norm found you.

“Hey, Ace. What are you doing up?”

You scrambled for a lie.

“Just woke up, actually. Listen, if you are going to check on the boy, can you please bring my supplies to the tent and tell the Sullys I won’t be in today? I was too exhausted to run any experiments yesterday so I will do it today.” 

“Oh… is everything alright? You haven’t missed a day in the village since you got your Avatar.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just worried about the boy and want to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, if possible.”

“Alright, I can bring you back some of his blood to run as well?”

“NO!” 

Norm’s eyes widened in shock at your response and you knew you fucked up, you knew you slipped up. Calm yourself… 

“It’s just not necessary at the moment since I have other blood and I don’t want to overwhelm him, if it’s not imperative. I will retrieve some blood when I check on him tomorrow.”

Norm looked at you with a concerned look, but eventually relented.

“Ok, whatever you think, Ace.” 

“Thanks, Norm.” 

“Let me know what you find tonight. I’ll tell Jake, but they might not be happy with you.”

“You can explain it’s an emergency, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

 

You struggled to get up and get your legs to not want to collapse beneath you. Eventually, you made your way to the sink and washed, you scrubbed your face as hard as you could without removing a layer of skin, and your teeth until you felt the familiar taste of metal coat your teeth. You hoped that maybe you tried hard enough, the last 6 hours can just be erased from your life, from world. You hoped it could undo the damage that would plague you for the rest of your most likely very short life. 

Luckily, most scientists seemed to be out. Claire was teaching Na’vi kids English at Grace’s old school that Jake deemed fit to be reopened, Max left with Norm to check on the situation of the village, and most of the Avatars would be out on missions or training with Jake. You made your way to the quiet halls to one of the labs, and prepared for your long day ahead. This will be hard to do by yourself, but not impossible. 

First step, respiratory fluids. You remove a sterile cotton swab and swab your pharynx as thoroughly as possible and place it in a tube. That’s easy enough. Next comes the blood. Finding a vein has always been hard for people to do on you, and it’s not gotten any easier in time, so after poking yourself a few times in the wrong place, you manage to get enough blood to run experiments on. 

Hours of sample preparation, incubation, pipetting and running went by at an excruciatingly slow pace, like the universe was revelling in making every second of torture last forever. You thanked your lucky stars of the progress made in lab equipment and that you didn’t have to spent days on one PCR, like your mum was saying it had to be done back on Earth about a century ago. Regardless, it took most of the day for you to do everything you needed, check for all the proteins and markers you knew were deregulated with this virus, and by the early hours of night, you were done. 

Aș people were starting to return to the hub as another day was nearing its end, you retreated back to your bedroom to work on the data analysis. You did not want to see anyone, did not want to speak to anyone until you knew at least some things. The less you talked, the less lies that had to come out of your mouth, and that seemed ideal to you. 

Inputting the data and having to wait on some software to give you your literal death sentence felt so tragic is was almost comical, and you had to stop and ask yourself if you were some serial killer in a past life to warrant all the pain and misery life seemed adamant to throw at you. For the first time in so long you couldn’t even remember, things were going… well. You were strong, and doing well, and lived outside of the walls of this lab. You had a chance at something more, you had a chance at maybe one day healing and working through your issues and maybe even coming out the other side a better, healthier version of yourself. You had a chance at love.

And there it was… positive. One second.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF  STAGE I: DENIAL

Your blood became poison in the span of half a day, but at least you now knew it wasn’t transmitted through air. That means no one else would have to suffer because of you. The thought made you weirdly calm, and you realised you didn’t care about your own health all along. No, you weren’t sad anymore, just relieved. A wide smile appeared on your face at the results, and you jumped out of the chair with enthusiasm at the great news. Everybody would be ok. Norm, Max, they would all be ok. You will handle all the virus experiments and blood samples from now on. They wouldn’t have reason to doubt you or question you, not when it made most sense anyway, since you were always in the village and knew the protocols and techniques the best, anyway. You would go on the same way as you had, and no one had to know or suffer because of your mistakes. 

With those thoughts still floating in your mind and a Xanax on your tongue, you made your way to the comfortable bed and crashed without a dream in sight. 

You were up before dawn again, and ready to get started on your day at the village. You were looking forward to gun training with Jake, and finally putting those years of practice to good use. You found Norm deep in thought in the link room, and he didn’t register you walking in until you patted his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin.

 

“Jesus, Ace. You scared the shit out of me.” 

“I noticed. Why so jumpy, Norm?” 

He gave you the quickest look known to man then quickly busied himself with literally anything else. “No reason, just focused on the task at hand.”

“…turning on the linkpod?” 

“No one likes a smartass, you know?” 

“So how was the village yesterday? How is the boy?” 

“He’s alright, still not great, but his vitals are stable for now.” You noticed he did not answer your question about the village, and found slight panic rising in your chest.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen in the village?” 

“No, Ace, everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about everything, you know. How did the experiments go yesterday?” 

“The virus is not airborne, it seems to be transmitted by blood, so we need to be very careful handling samples.” 

“We always are. But good work, good to have some concrete evidence finally. I’ll look over your analysis soon.”

“You know, I’m not quite done with it, so maybe wait and we can look over it together?”

“Sure, that makes sense.”

You didn’t buy Norm’s pathetic attempts at deflecting the subject of the village, but you did not want to fight him so early in the day, so you guess you had to find out what happened for yourself. You woke up in your Avatar body soon enough, and could already tell the village was already awake and buzzing with the perspective of a new day. The guitar sitting on the ground next to your sleeping mat caught your eye, and you smiled softly at the memory which now seems a life away. Your fingers lingered on the chords and you strummed it gently a few times, enjoying the sounds that seemed to settle in your heart. Adjusting your braids in the small mirror you brought with you a few weeks ago, you made your way out of your tent and straight into Neteyam’s chest with a loud thud. 

“What the fuck?” You say, indignantly and then look up to find Neteyam watching you with an unreadable expression adorning his beautiful face. 

“Hi.” He says, and tries to muster a small smile. 

“Hi…? Is there any particular reason you have decided to attack me first thing in the morning?” 

“I was just coming to get you, I heard the guitar playing. I didn’t think you would be running straight into me. Are you ready? We can spend the morning tracking a herd of Talioang that the hunter party spotted a few clicks south of the village. It will be good practice for you.” 

“…alright? Can I get some food first? I’m famished.”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably in front of you and looked… nervous, you realised. What the hell was going on with everyone?

“I have food that Ma packed for us, we can eat in the forest? I’d really rather get a move on as soon as possible, this will most likely take most of today, anyway.”

“Is there a particular reason you seem so eager for me to leave? You and Norm have both been acting weird today, and you are both terrible liars.”

Neteyam gave you a hard look. “Let’s go, Y/N. Unlike what you like to think, you don’t need to know everything, and not everything concerns you. Let’s go, now.” Nothing’s changed, you realised bitterly. Last night was just a fluke and you hated yourself in that moment for letting your guard down. 

“You can be a real dick sometimes, Neteyam.” You said and took off without looking at him. 

You ran for about 5 clicks without checking behind you, knowing full well he was following you, your hearing being one of the many senses that heightened in this body. You stopped suddenly at the sight of a huge footprint, one you could identify as the Sturmbeest, or a Talioang, like it was known to the Na’vi. Soon enough, you saw the ground littered with them, and began carefully tracking the beasts.

“Alright. How far would you say they are and which direction?” Neteyam asked, approaching you slowly. He was back to teaching mode, and you tried your best to learn, instead of recoiling and telling him to go to hell, which is what you really wanted to do. 

You touched the ground and felt it with your fingers, trying to assess the moisture level and deepness of the mark. You thought about for a while.

“I’d say they’re quite fresh. Maybe this morning? Taloioang move slowly, about 1 click every hour or two, so I’d say we’ll find them about 2 clicks east?”

He didn’t even have to touch the ground to be able to assess it. He was impressive. 

“Good. Let’s go. We shouldn’t run, they have good hearing and the wind is blowing east, which means they’ll be able to smell us if we’re not careful. We will take a roundabout way and approach them from the south.” 

You both made your way through the forest and it was your turn to follow him, although you stayed close behind and tried to look around you and pick up on clues, tiny sounds and movements, trying to learn, trying to see. “Eyes on the tracks, Y/N.” 

You rolled your eyes, but did as you were told. Eventually, Neteyam let you deem the appropriate time to stray from the tracks and move south to avoid being spotted. Soon enough, you saw the herd of prodigious beings, bathing in a shallow lake. You made your way slowly, sneaking on the ground, with Neteyam close to you, and you felt his arms grazing your sides every inch of the way. 

The herd was protecting the calves, 5 in total, playing and splashing in the clear water. You watched in amazement, just enjoying the view of these seemingly ferocious beasts that in the moment, felt more like a family watching their children play at the local pool. You couldn’t believe the beauty and mild predisposition, the complex nature of these animals whose equivalents were long gone on Earth, long decimated by humans and their needless desire for wealth and acquisition, for mindless cruelty. You felt your stomach drop at the realisation that soon, this could be Pandora, if you didn’t fight will all your being in the upcoming war. 

You felt a sudden gentle pressure on your lower back, a pressure you quickly identified as Neteyam’s hand and you shuddered at the touch. He neared his mouth to your ears, and you felt his warm breath tickling your neck, a sudden warmth pooling in your lower abdomen. 

“You’re not allowed to kill anything yet, but I want you to show me how you would go about it. Show me your bow work, how would you aim from this position.”

You slowly removed your bow from from your person and sat up, in a now crouched stance, and loaded the arrow, doing your best to accommodate for the uncomfortable position you were in and the tight space you were sharing with another person. You held your breath, engaged your core, and aimed as if you were going to release your arrow on the target about 300m away. Neteyam’s large hand touched your upper thigh, by your left hip and squeezed gently. Your arm dropped suddenly and snapped your head in his direction. He didn’t react to your sudden snap, instead talking lowly, so as to not give your location away. “Your leg is not in a position by which you can maximise release. You will have more power in the shot if you place this knee on the ground and lean into it.” 

You wanted to take that hand and either break it or redirect it on other parts of your body that felt like they would explode if they didn’t feel him, have his touch provide the relief that was desperately yearned for, needed. You wanted to scream at him or make him coax the screams out of you like a war-cry, wild and desperate. You wanted to kill him, you wanted him to kill you, slowly and painfully, taking his time on your body until you were falling apart at the seams around him. You hated him, you loved him. You hated him.

You gave him a hard look, an angry look directed at your thigh, and he removed his hand from you. You wondered if he knew, knew what he was doing, wondered if he felt the same way, if he too was struggling to catch his breath at the torture of knowing he can’t have you, claim you, right now, right in this second, right here. You hoped he did, hope it ate him alive, the yearning and the desire. Because that’s what it was doing to you, what he was doing to you. You turned your attention back to the herd and adjusted your position based on his advice. He was right, you could tell right away, as you felt a lot more power when aiming the arrow this time. 

“Much better. We can go now, we will give the location to the hunting party and the will be able to secure us dinner for a couple of weeks from the back of a couple of Ikrans.”

 

You made your way out of their surroundings, and slowly started walking back to the village. After about half an hour, he stopped on a rock and removed the food he was carrying in a pouch. You didn’t join him, preferring to keep your distance and thus a clear mind, not being able to afford being weak around him anymore. 

“I thought you were famished.” He says, with a slight smile. You shook your head and turned around, taking in the views of the forest, distracting yourself with the flowers reaching out their neon green tendrils towards you. You kneeled next to one, and touched them gently, enjoying the way they cupped around your hand and tugged, like they were urging you to come closer so they can spill their long-forgotten dreams to you. You heard him sigh loudly.

“Sorry for being a dick. Just had a fight with mum and dad, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have, and I am sorry. Come eat, please? I don’t want you passing out on me, you’re not as easy to carry as you used to be when you were human.” 

You remained on your knees still, focused on only the plants and your gentle tug-of-war. You knew how much pressure Neteyam was under, has been for pretty much his entire life. A prodigy created… or made, no one could really know for sure, he began training when most babies learn to walk, and speak, and play. He has never had a childhood the way Lo’ak, or Kiri, or Tuk, or pretty much any other Na’vi children did, mostly fleeting moments of bliss in between a lot more moments of stress and struggle. He never complained, though. Not out loud, not to anyone else but you, once he realised you were a safe haven from the storm. You didn’t pass judgement, or make him feel bad for sharing his feelings, and he felt like he could tell you all the hardest truths his heart has always craved to speak out loud. You have always wanted to protect him from the world, a world that demanded so much of him, that asked for a sacrifice of which it was undeserving. Being Olo’yektan, leading the people, being the one person everyone relied on was a great honour, a great achievement - one you didn’t think he wanted, but was never given the chance to decline. 

“What happened?” 

You walked slowly towards the rock he was laying on, and sat at its foot, crossing your legs on the slightly damp grass. You grabbed a piece of jerky from the pile of food and slowly chewed through it, humming in appreciation at the smoky taste and rich flavour of the meat. 

Neteyam grimaced and didn’t look at you, choosing to focus instead of his arm guards, picking at something that was clearly not there. “More sacrifices I need to make in the name of the future, of the people.” 

“I see you still haven’t learnt to say no, even after all this time apart.” 

Neteyam’s hand froze in midair, his eyes widening slightly - it was the first time you brought up the year apart. He braced himself for what he thought was the beginning of the end, of you finally demanding answers he didn’t think would ever satisfy you, but no other words left your lips.  

“I can’t say no. I owe my parents everything I have, everything I am. This village, this life, is all I know. My dad gave up on everything he knew to stand up for our people, to make sure we’d get a future worth living, a family worth saving, a world still worth fighting for. He became Olo’yektan despite all that stood against him because he loved my mum, loved us, even then, even before we were born. My grandpa died defending this village, watching home tree get decimated in front of his eyes, with only the people’s safety on his mind and tongue. I see that bow that my mum cherishes like a gift from Eywa herself and I want to be worthy of it, someday. And if it means giving up some things, maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.” 

“Maybe whatever you’re giving up is making room for something ever better, Neteyam. Sometimes we want something so bad, we can’t see the forest for the trees.” 

He looks at you confused for a second.

“That’s a saying. What I’m trying to say is maybe you are over focused on something you want right now, that you think is the best thing for you, but maybe you just are not focusing on the bigger picture. Maybe in the future, whatever you’re giving up now will make room for something that was much better for you all along.”

Disappointment filled his chest at your words. Neteyam looked at you with deep sadness marking his features, and he could see you were trying to think of things to say that could make him feel better. In all honesty, he wanted - needed - you to tell him to be selfish, and trust his gut, and follow what he knew was right in his heart, but he also knew that being selfish is not a trait that came naturally to you. You have always respected the deep bond Neteyam had to his family and his people and you always used to tell him how proud of him you were for how strong he was, for the lengths he was willing to go to to protect and nurture those bonds. 

You felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the realisation that you will never get to see him become Olo’yektan, see him become the man everybody knew he was. He would never be yours, and although that painful conclusion had settled in your soul and had time to scar in all the time you knew him, a new wound, deeper, bloodier, deadlier, tore your heart apart at the thought you would not even be able to watch from afar. You would have been satisfied with scraps, just watching him rule, and be, and love someone else and imagining it was you. You never thought you’d get more than that anyway, never had any delusions for more. The scraps would have been enough, and now even those were brutally taken from you, like everything else in this life. 

You needed to leave, now. 

“Should we head back? It’s getting late.”

You walked back in deep, uncomfortable silence. Eclipse made the nature shine and glimmer with colours your sadness dulled to muted tones. There was light coming from the village and you realise how badly you wanted to be alone, in your tent and read, or watch a movie or a show, and ignore this world for a little while while you licked your newly-opened wounds. Tonight was a communal dinner around the big bonfire in the centre of the village, and you felt grateful your presence would not be missed in such a crowd. You’ve come to love these dinners, another one of the many ways the tribe connected to the village and to each other, but tonight you couldn’t entertain even the thought long enough to count.

“Can you please tell your family I am sorry, but I will probably head to bed early. I’ll be early for breakfast tomorrow, I promise.” 

“I can do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You nodded absentmindedly and closed the flap of the tent shut.

Neteyam watched as you left him, still reeling from your conversation. Much like you, he just wished to hide in his family’s tent and pretend for a night things are different, that they are better. Actually, if we are talking about wishes, he wishes he could be in your tent. In all honestly, dealing with you on a day to day basis, seeing you, your body, touching it more and longer than he knew he reasonably had to, was making him think thoughts he knew he had no business thinking. In his wildest dreams, he’d be in your tent and making your eyes roll back in the way that drove him crazy. In his wildest dreams, he’d be coaxing sounds out of you that only he would ever hear. In his wildest dreams, your hands all over him would heal him and break him at the same time. He was desperately in need of some relief, and he loathed all decisions in his life that lead to you not being able to be the one to provide it for him. 

He made his way to the bonfire, and greeted all of the Na’vi that respectfully bowed their heads at his arrival. He saw his family at the centre of the crowd, where they normally sat, and joined them silently. They all gave him uneasy looks - all but one. Lo’ak was blatantly glaring at the older Sully, a look of disappointment and disgust marring his normally kind face that reminded Neteyam so much of their dad. 

“Did you tell her?” 

Kiri elbowed Lo’ak in the abdomen, but he didn’t flinch. He did not even bother to acknowledge Kiri, or the low hiss escaping their mum’s lips - his eyes were still boring into Neteyam, unwavering. 

“No.” Neteyam’s expression darkened and in a split second, he became the warrior his dad moulded him into. “And you will not, either, Lo’ak. Do you understand me?” Lo’ak had to look up to look at his brother who was now dangerously towering over him. 

“Oh, the mighty warrior giving out orders, what else is new?” 

“Lo’ak, that’s enough.” Neteyam heard Jake intervene, and he eventually had to physically put his body in between his two sons, who still refused to look away from each other.

“Fnawe’tu (coward).”

 

Neteyam watched his brother turn his back on his family and walk away from the feast, and although he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he knew deep down that Lo’ak was right.

 

You were almost robotically flipping through the directory of movies and tv shows on the laptop that you had with you in the village, not quite ready to go back to the lab and have to deal with the consequences of your newly acquired “condition”. You had all night to do experiments, and lie to yourself that you were fine until you eventually succumbed to a Xanax-induced blackout. You wanted to be in this body just a little while longer, because, in this body, it was easy to forget the realities of your actual life.

You saw a five-fingered hand emerge from the entrance to your tent, and you laughed incredulously at the clown you loved, who seemed to have a knack for improving your dour mood.

“I am here to bother you.” You got up and started making your way towards the entrance of your tent.

“Shouldn’t you be at dinner?” You say, laughing and pulling Lo’ak by the hand, so he stumbles unattractively into you. 

You wrap your arms around him and hug him gently. “Skxawng.” 

“I should, but I am here instead. We haven’t had movie night in so long.” He lay on your sleep mat and you hissed for him to move over. “You’re getting way too comfortable hissing at people.”

“Not people, Lo’ak, you!” You smiled saying that, knowing you were quoting Kiri, and he groaned exasperatedly. 

A few more weeks passed, and you felt the discrepancy between your bodies become more pronounced than it had ever been. It turns out, the incubation period of a Na’vi virus in a human is not long at all, and roughly around last week, you began displaying symptoms. You were taking every drug under the sun to try to soften them, but you had seen one too many good Na’vi people die due to this to know what was lurking underneath the comfortable cushion of drug-induced health. Despite all that, you felt on top of the world in your avatar. You were continuously improving, and, with a little bit of luck, will be completing your first kill soon - the first stepping stone to becoming Taronyu, hunter. If you do that successfully, you will be taking your Iknimaya with other Na’vi apprentices, and finally get your own Ikran. You were buzzing at the thought, and the image of you flying in the sky was enough to push any other worries out of your mind. 

After that weird day that ended with Lo’ak in your tent watching Friends together and teaching him the chords to a song you both loved, things went back to normal, sort of. You couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that the Sullys were hiding something from you. They exchanged looks, and avoided certain subjects, and you were starting to be worried they guessed you were ill, and were tiptoeing around the subject so as to not upset you. That was a good theory, although it could not explain the heavy tension between Neteyam and Lo’ak that also started that night. 

You saw them bicker and fight your whole life: two opposing personalities, both of whom had misunderstandings about the other. Neteyam could never understand Lo’ak, understand that, despite being the chieftain’s son and the grandson of the Tsahik and former Olo’yektan, people still looked at him like he was not quite full Na’vi. His eyebrows and five fingers made his appearance uncanny enough to always attract whispers and looks, and despite Lo’ak’s apparent devil-may-care attitude, he cared. Neteyam could also not understand anyone who wished to live freely and discover themselves, make decisions and choices that would lead to a happy, fulfilled life, rather than a proud and accomplished one. Finally, Neteyam did not understand that skill and tenacity doesn’t come easy to everybody, and the weight of living in his shadow was bearing heavily on his baby brother’s back. 

On the other hand, Lo’ak never tried to understand the burden Neteyam had to carry, because, in his desire to not appear weak, he took it in strides and never complained. Lo’ak never fully understood the downfalls of what being “the perfect son” brings: no freedom, no childhood, no time, no fun, no choice. He only ever focused on the positives: praise from his family and clan, skill and composure, the title of future Leader of the Omatikaya. He will also never be able to understand the depths of Neteyam’s love for him, who, despite all their differences, would be willing to sacrifice everything, even his own life, to make sure his baby brother would never having to experience these burdens.

This tension felt like more. More than you’ve ever seen, not mended in time, they were always glowering at each other and only speaking to each other if prompted or forced by their increasingly frustrated family. You tried to talk to both of them individually and ask, but you were promptly sent on your way each time. You could tell Lo’ak was itching to spit it out, but every time he got close, he flashed you a look of hurt and fear, and moved on. 

Eventually, you stopped worrying about it. It will come out in time, and you had better things to worry about. Your training became brutal after that day tracking Sturmbeests. Neteyam would come to your tent before dawn, sometimes having to wait for you while you woke up in your Avatar body, and you were always gone past eclipse. You were tracking, joining hunting parties to learn, working on shooting arrows while on Pa’li or in nearly impossible positions (he made you shoot targets hanging upside down from the branches of trees, seriously) and working on guns and practicing with Jake and his soldiers. Jake made you his second-in-command during these sessions, and you enjoyed having the roles reversed and having to watch Neteyam squirm every time you touched his arm, or waist, or thighs, in order to adjust his shooting form. You also taught Lo’ak, sometimes late in the nights, where he would sneak into your tent and ask you questions about guns that he hoped would bring him in his father’s good graces for once in his life. You loved teaching them, and you felt powerful with all the eyes on you, trying to absorb every piece of information coming out of your mouth. 

“In your hands, you are holding a sub machine-gun.” You said and you made your way through the 10 soldiers in your midst. “It can fire up 600 rounds per minute. You have a button on the side of the weapon, as you can see right there”, you stopped and show everyone on your own weapon, “that allows you to choose between semi automatic and fully automatic. What’s the difference, Lo’ak?”

“A semi-automatic guns fires one shot when you pull the trigger, a fully automatic gun fires continuously until you release the trigger.” 

“Tsantu (good guy)!” you said with an intimate smile. Lo’ak was making amazing progress, and you were proud to be even a small reason why. 

Neteyam gave Lo’ak a hard look as he answered your question. He was angry with his brother because of his recent attitude, he thought. That’s the reason. Not at all because you were smiling at him with that dazzling smile that used to be reserved for him years ago, definitely not because he knew Lo’ak was sneaking in your tent at night and doing Eywa-knows-what, a fact which kept Neteyam up nights with images he would do everything in his power to be able to erase from his brain. Neteyam was exhausted. He hasn’t slept since this thing started, not until Lo’ak returned to his tent after his meetings with you, and he was able to look at him in the dim light of the night and gauge for himself if his brother was flushed, or panting, or extra happy for one reason or another. Despite never seeing anything that he could deem suspicious, the images of his baby brother taking for himself what was his, what should be his, haunted him and made him sick to his stomach. 

Coward. Lo’ak words rang in his ears incessantly throughout each day, never being able to fully block them out. 

Neteyam saw you move from Lo’ak and towards him, and tried to remember what they were talking about. Sub-machine guns, right. 

“Now, SMGs are best used in tighter quarters or close to mid-range. The spread will make it inefficient for long-range. If you find yourself on the back of your Ikran shooting at a plane or Valkyrie, make sure you close the gap between you or use your bow, instead.”

“An SMG will have a lot of recoil, making it harder to shoot accurately, but there are a few tips you can use to make to improve your aim and accuracy.”

“First. Always fire in short bursts, if you are firing on automatic mode. A few shots at a time will make sure the kick is not unmanageable. Two, account for the kick and adjust your aim to compensate. Think of shooting an arrow and how you always take the wind, its direction, speed and power in consideration before you actually release. It’s a similar principle. The recoil will make the gun kick upwards, so always aim slightly lower than what you want to hit. Three, don’t aim for the head. Leave that for a bow or an assault/sniper rifle with a scope. Aim for the abdomen and chest, since that is a wider target and more likely to hit. Everyone on the same page?”

Neteyam was forever in awe of you, but it was particularly impressive watching you now. You were confident and powerful and knowledgeable. Neteyam felt bad admitting it, but you were a much better teacher than their dad ever was. Toruk Makto had many incredible qualities, but his patience was definitely not amongst them, and his lessons tend to get a bit derailed by his inability to understand that Na’vi are not predisposed to guns or understanding Sky People technology. You were calm, and kind, and funny, and you made it easy for everyone to follow your instructions. In the span on a few weeks, all of the Na’vi and Avatar soldiers training for the upcoming war became better at pretty much every aspect that they were training in, and I think everyone felt just a bit more comfortable about the conflict that was soon to befall them, with you by their side. 

After the lesson was complete, you left alongside Lo’ak, sparing one last look in Neteyam’s direction. He was already watching you, and you saw a fleeting angry look that was quickly replaced with an expressionless mask. He was getting good at that, you thought. 

“Do you want to do anything? If I have to listen to Kiri talk about all the new types of flowers and plants and shit she keeps finding in the woods, I will lose my mind.”

“Be nice.” 

Kiri has been particularly hyperfixated on her newfound discoveries recently, and you tried your best to pay attention to every time she was describing them, in detail, but in reality you were always so exhausted by the time dinner came around that you were only assimilating about a tenth of all the words coming out of her mouth. You felt bad, and made a mental note to dedicate a couple of days to your friend that you saw less and less each week. 

“Your Iknimaya is getting closer and closer each day, how do you feel?”

“Honestly I haven’t thought about it that much, just taking it one day at a time.”

“I think you should start thinking about it, cause it’s going to happen. You’ve managed to blow everyone’s expectations out of the water. It barely been two months since you got your avatar body, not even my dad did this so fast. You were made for this, Angel.” 

You didn’t know what to say to that. You were grateful for Lo’ak’s faith in you, but with everything happening in your human body, it felt pointless looking towards the future. 

“You will be one of us, soon. I’ve had dreams about this my whole life, you know? It’s like I manifested your Avatar, Norm should be thanking me.” 

“Lo’ak…” 

You didn’t like the turn this conversation took, and felt an uncomfortable twinge settle in your chest at his words. 

“There are perks that come with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.” 

Fuck. 

Neteyam was making his way back to the village with the rest of the soldiers, casually chatting to one of the Avatars returning with them. He wasn’t paying attention to the way until his body knocked into one of the Na’vi walking in front of him. Utsou was staring intently at a scene unfolding in front of him, a scene that turned Neteyam’s blood to shards of glass, leaving cuts and bruises along his entire body. It was you, smiling, running your hand up and down Lo’ak’s arm whilst his hand was cupping your face and caressing your cheek. It was such an intimate interaction, it felt wrong to everyone there to even be able to witness it, and Neteyam felt himself becoming nauseous. With the image now seared into his memory and rage turning his breaths to pants, he turned around and left everything - everyone - behind. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @hayhay9091

#neteyam #neteyam x human!reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam fanfic #neteyam reader #neteyam sully #avatar #avatar twow #avatar fanfic #neteyam x avatar!reader #neteyam sully fanfiction #neteyam angst #awow #awow neteyam #loak reader #avatar loak

[ecargmura]

Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 2 Review - Yukku and Hi-kun

I feel like I am way too hyper fixated on this show to the point that I listened and watched the opening song throughout the entire last week. The first episode was cute and now, the second episode, is also cute. It’s mainly family slice-of-life in an omegaverse setting. The slice of life feels more notable in the first half of the episode where it feels like vignettes of Yuuki befriending Hikari and becoming the baby’s unofficial older brother and Masaki’s unofficial little brother in a way.

I’ve been snooping around Youtube reactions and social media and some people had been wary of Yuuki when he was introduced in the ending of the first episode. I was legit shaking my head at their comments because Yuuki is the opposite of his first impression and legitimately a fan-favorite character in the fanbase. Like, the readers really liked him to the point that he even got his own romance subplot with Matsuo. The subplot between them is even evident in the opening where they are shown together.

But yeah, Yuuki’s a great character. He’s gloomy and anti-social, but he’s proof that Hikari’s innocence can melt even the coldest of hearts. He never had friends growing up, but the Fujiyoshi family become his friends, which is sweet. Hiromu even pointed out that they sudden have a big kid in their atmosphere now. Masaki gets attached to Yuuki because he had reminded him of his old self where he was supposed a lot more self-deprecative and even rejected Hiromu’s confession when the latter had confessed to him in the past. Hikari’s attachment to Yuuki seems to be that he likes people with Masaki’s aura in a way? Like Masaki and Yuuki are similar in vibes, but Masaki’s a lot happier as he has a family. There’s a reason why Hikari doesn’t like Matsuo despite knowing him longer; the baby is almost two and he already has a preference. If you’re wondering, Yuuki is a Beta, so he’s not affected by an omega’s pheromones compared to Hiromu who’s an Alpha; Matsuo is also an Alpha. Also, notice how Yuuki isn’t really as shy or withdrawn as he was with Hikari or Masaki when Matsuo is around him.

The second half of the episode dives into more of the omegaverse lore as Masaki goes into heat and is out the whole day. This means Hiromu has to watch Hikari by himself, so he has to enlist the help of Matsuo and Yuuki who visited out of worry. As Yuuki and Hikari play around, the three discuss about heats and how it’s hard to deal with even for omegas themselves. It’s even harder for the Fujiyoshi family as they have no one else to rely upon during the heat cycle as Masaki’s parents passed away and Hiromu is estranged from his own. Yuuki does comment how there are a lot of difficulties when marrying those of different sexes as it’d be harder to find someone to rely on. Fortunately, the Fujiyoshi family has Yuuki and Matsuo to rely on during these times now, so that’s good.

It was heartbreaking to see what Masaki looks like while suffering through his heat. He legit looks haggard, complete with dark circles and such. While the grown-ups understand the gists of the heat cycle and what omegas go through, Hikari thinks Masaki is sick and in pain, which is why he cried a lot harder after seeing him in a rough state. Hikari’s still innocent to the world of omegaverse which is why his mind comprehends things a bit differently than adults. Also, it was interesting to see how Hiromu reacted to Masaki’s heat as it is the first time the heat cycle is shown in animated form. I think it’s animated well as an omega’s heat reacts to an alpha’s instincts, which was what happened with Hiromu. Also, I do like that while this story is an omegaverse one, the verse lore is present but only when it revolves around the adults. With kids, Hikari exists because of omegaverse logic, but he’s just a normal kid outside of the complexities of the world.

Also, fun fact of the day, Yuuki’s mother is voiced by Yuna Kamakura, who was in Gakuen Babysitters (the character design for Tadaima Okaeri is also the CD of Gakuen Babysitters) as Midori’s mom and she was also in Sasaki and Miyano (the director of TadaOka was the director of SasaMiya) as Sasaki’s sister. I always see her name in the most unexpected places but she seems rather talented because I didn’t recognize her voice at all until I saw her mention her role in a QRT of a post. I do hope she gets that big break because she’s talented!

Speaking of voice acting, I want to praise the voice actors in this episode. They did a really great job here. I did like how Masaki’s voice actor Atsushi Tamaru had a playful tone when he and Hikari were in the supermarket and Hikari wanted to buy milk with his favorite anime character on it. Hiromu’s voice actor, Toshiyuki Morikawa, changes from playful when around Hikari to serious when with others was nice to listen to! Atsumi Tanezaki always makes Hikari be so adorable that it’s crazy how she’s able to produce such a voice. Yuuki and Matsuo’s voice actors did a great job here.

Anyways, this was a cute episode in spite of the somber vibes of the second half due to Masaki’s heat. Hikari is always adorable as heck and I legit gushed during the scene where he was copying everyone by huddling and covering his eyes like them. Next episode will be a bit of conflict as someone seems to come into the picture. While I know who it is, wait and find out next week! What are your thoughts on this episode?

#tadaima okaeri #masaki fujiyoshi #Hiromu fujiyoshi #hikari fujiyoshi #yuuki hirai #Tomohiro matsuo #review #anime #anime review #ecargmura #arum journal #bl anime #omegaverse

[kitkatopinions]

Nitpick for Day #9

There's like, barely any work put into the relationships between the adult characters in RWBY and it makes them feel unplanned and half-baked. It's obviously not as important as the kids relationships with each other, with their mentors, etcetera, so it's technically a nitpick, but it's one that drives me up the wall.

Tai and Qrow have some sort of moment in V3 before Qrow tells Ruby some important stuff? That's never come up and likely never will again. We have no information on what their relationship is like outside of that singular moment and the fact that Tai laughs about tricking him into wearing a skirt when they were kids (I am so glad I rejected the idea of Tai and Qrow disliking each other for my own headcanons, but that's the sort of vibe those two interactions give me.)

Was Tai originally part of Oz's inner circle? What was his relationship with Raven like? What was his relationship with Summer like before they got together?

Tai is friends with Peter Port and Barty Ooblek enough that they came over to his house, but Yang never is like ??? "why are my teachers here?" And yet there's no indication outside of that scene that Port and Ooblek are old friends of Qrow's, we never see them talk to Glynda or Oz, there's no mention that Ruby or Yang have any reason to believe their teachers are connected to Tai and yet they're in his house later and it's treated as normal old friends just dropping in.

We don't know when Qrow and Winter's rivalry started, we don't know anything about Amber, we don't know if James even really knows who Raven is, we don't know what Glynda or Qrow or James's relationship with Lionheart was like, we don't know when exactly any of them got recruited to Oz's inner circle, we don't know when Oz went to school or with whom despite the fact that according to the After the Fall/Before the Dawn books, he was 'younger than forty,' and we don't know anything about who 'Ozpin' was outside of Oz. We're told that Tai 'shut down' after Summer's death and left Yang to raise Ruby on her own and yet Tai as we know him seems like a perfectly fine and present dad, so when did he break out of it? What was Qrow's reaction to Summer's death? How did the Inner Circle respond to Tai's shut down if at all? Did Summer have parents? Does Tai have parents? Were Qrow and Raven born into the Branwen camp? What sort of treatment did Qrow and Raven get there growing up? Why would Raven leave it just to go back? There are big blazing question mark signs attached to tons of the adult characters, and yet none of it is treated as that important. Literally in ten years, we're only just now starting to get information about Summer that feels out of place because of how little work was gone into the adults in general. The whole scene with Summer and Raven in V9 just raises more questions, and at this point it's unlikely that we'll get any satisfying answeres considering the possibility of V10 being the last volume (if we even get a V10.) What the heck is up with Theodore? We might not hear very much of it, but he's Inner Circle, he's a Headmaster, we should know something about him in the main show.

The closest we get to like, meaningful relationships is Oz's inner circle, James and Winter, the Ace Ops, and then the weird rushed work they put into making Qrow be Clover's friend for a season and then making Qrow be Robyn's friend in the season after that. And even those got not a lot of attention at all so they all feel weird and shallow. We're randomly supposed to believe that James groomed Winter, but we're given very little details on their relationship. We see Oz's Inner Circle working together or arguing or talking things out, we see Ironwood and Qrow hug, we see Qrow want to kill James, and yet even all of that is not actually treated as important enough to really have good resolution or consideration. I like a lot of them, but one reason why I like all of them is because I've come up with tons of wide backstory about their teen years and dynamics and how they wound up joining up with the things they've joined up with.

#rwde #rwde nitpicks #nitpick november

[thaliexvii]

Hi, I really like your take on Lee's character. Do you have any headcanons about his biological parents? What they werelike, how did Lee lose them, what did/does he think of them? Whether or not Lee still remembers his parents?

Thank you, I am glad you like! (Sorry for the time) I don’t think Lee actually remembers much of his parents. In my headcanon, he was about 8 years old when they died in a fire from their cheap apartment so it is now about 40 years ago so he barely just got vague memories of them, not even remembering what they looked like and early memories tend to go away more quickly so even if he probably remembered more as a child growing up on the Mishima Estate, he probably didn’t remember too much either then.

I think he remembers a bit more his mother than his father since his father was probably working outside. From my headcanon, he remembers his father sitting on a chair in their small apartment and being tired, but again, very vaguely, just an impression, not a real picture and not even an interaction. He possibly remembers a few more interactions with his mother, like her scolding him for his bad behavior sometimes, cooking and serving him his food, asking him to wash his hands before they eat, which in some way, in my old fanfiction, made him get attached more to Heihachi since when Heihachi found him, the first thing he did was pay Lee a meal at the restaurant and order him to wash his hands before eating. Then Heihachi inspected them to see if that little dirty urchin washed them correctly but that gesture made Lee remember his mother caring about him, he felt cared for after years of having no adult being concerned about him and somehow, it took away some of the mistrust he first had in Heihachi and made him see him as a paternal figure.

But also, since he really took Heihachi as his parental figure and cared so much for his esteem, I think he doesn’t remember his parents much. Otherwise if he was really close, he could somehow get comforted by them even if they are dead, like some people might remember someone who cared for them to help them go through hard times. The memories he has are quite neutral ones as a whole. He knew his parents were not mean, he loved them, for the few he remembers, his mother acted like a caring mother even when she scolded him, not like a bad mother and his father was probably not mean since Lee barely has memories of him and no bad feeling. He did think about them sometimes but he also didn’t remember much of their personality. One thing I imagined that Lee never realized is that while his father was mostly neutral, his mother was very loyal to the Communist Party and to the Maoist philosophy and always had her Little Red Book near her. But that doesn’t concern Lee very much then or now. Lee did learn a few of the Communist party lessons at school but forgot them quickly once he lost his parents and quit school and then he turned to full capitalism when Heihachi raised him.

Since both his parents were busy, with work outside or at home, Lee had his paternal grandmother living with them and watching over him when he went to play with his kite. But being a healthy child, Lee was mostly spending time playing and going to school or outside so again, he didn’t get so close to his grandmother. He remembered for a while her kind gaze on him, though. I imagine the father came from a village more northwest of Shanghai from a family of peasants while the mother is a war orphan born at the end of WWII and always lived in Shanghai. Some years later, (not long before they were all killed in the fire) the father brought his mother and sister to Shanghai (apart from knowing she was there, Lee doesn’t remember his aunt at all, she was also working outside and barely lived there) but the cousins or anyone Lee may have on his father’s side are elsewhere, his father, grandmother and aunt didn’t talk about them so Lee doesn’t know them, while Lee’s mother, being orphan, doesn’t have any family on her side so that is why Lee was alone when his whole family died. Lee had escaped the fire by a window, being the only one small enough to pass through and his parents urging him to jump and telling him they would meet him outside by the stairs, he waited and waited until the firefighters brought the bodies of the many victims. Unable to stand the sight of his whole family’s dead bodies once they were brought outside, Lee fled in tears and got lost in the streets, not wanting to go back to see any of this since it was too painful, so he didn’t even know what happened to their bodies after. He avoided that area and lived in the streets away from there.  

I think sometimes Lee does feel guilty for not remembering them enough. When Heihachi killed Kazuya and exiled Lee with nothing, feeling alone, Lee might have wanted to turn to his own parents to comfort himself by saying they were better than his adoptive father, that they loved him but then, even if it’s true, he does know the one who took much place in his heart was Heihachi, even if by then it had turned to maybe not hate but deep anger. Maybe hate for a while, that will lower to anger, then only resentment as he let go of his revenge ideas. But Lee spent far more years in the Mishima family than with his biological one and knows them far more than his biological parents. And sometimes he does feel guilty of somehow having forgotten the first people in his life. Sometimes he does think of looking where they are buried if they can be found again so that he give them his last respects but then he also tells himself that it doesn’t matter, they are dead, and he doesn’t like grim stuff like funerals and cemeteries, so he doesn’t go there. I think he doesn’t really want to look back and face any of that sad past. Staying at his mansion, flirting, dancing, enjoying his pool, playing golf, all those things are much more excellent. And he is now quite busy with his other family…

#tekken #lee chaolan

[dontkickmyshin]

i've been rereading weak hero season 2 since the latest chapter dropped and i have some things to say about donald

spoilers under the cut

okay first of all i am so fucking pissed at seopass😭😭i can't really say much about the storytelling aspect of choosing to allow donald to die but honestly it does feel very sudden and just unfair to his character. perhaps the suddenness is my reaction because all this time it seemed like he just couldn't die, then he had had the whole arc in the final battle where we finally see a vulnerable side of him and get his full backstory, then all of a sudden he dies?? it just feels so incomplete, like the build up was for nothing🙁🙁🙁.

second of all, i'm only realising just how sad his backstory is now that i'm rereading it.

it's not just about his mother being ill, his father being abusive, and being bullied in school but also the loss of innocence in young donald. at first he was so sweet and cute, but by the time he's thirteen, he's also got a whole baby gang going, beating people up and even doing breaking and entering in one instance, taking his step father's money. then he exposes the dirt on his ex teacher and had myles joo and his boys beat him up, and smash his car outside of the school.

it also reminds me of how much donald has grown- now he would never b&e or smash an adult's car so recklessly (though ofc he did it originally knowing he couldn't get the police called on him). though still heavily involved with delinquents, violence and crime, his methods have refined as he grew, and you can see him become more calculated and less uncouth. despite the maturity of his actions at 13, in a way they're still childish, and it's a reminder that even if he's acting tough he's still a baby🙁🙁

while i was glad to watch those people get their comeuppance, i honestly felt so heartbroken watching their callous and flippant nature to crime. like, he literally has a baby face!!! he's like 5'0!!! and he's here stomping people in alleyways and committing burglary?!!! it reminded me of kaz brekker from SOC for some reason, who was innocent and naive till he had to grow up at 12 or 13 and started hustling people in gambling dens and getting in trouble with the law.

it hurts to watch how cruelly he was treated by his teachers and his schoolmates because of his poverty, and how no one did anything about it because it was just normal to them that in a school full of rich kids, it was just a given that donald was considered less than trash. then at night he was kicked out by his step father so he could cheat and drink and he had to wander around yeongdeungpo all on his own in the cold, hungry, and huddle under an apartment block?? ARE YOU JOKING😭😭

he changed so much due to the circumstances of his situation and he grew into something no one should ever have to. he isn't just strong and smart and always five steps ahead becaude of his natural talent (though that definitely helped), but because he had to be. doing badly has never been a choice for him. he needs it to survive. i've always liked donald, and i've always suspected this about his character, but hearing it be confirmed just makes me like him more.

it's so sad realising how everything about him was manufactured to fit his image- his piercings, his hair, his clothes, his tattoos, his image, the way he talks- he didn't even LIKE any of them, but they just became a part of who he was nevertheless. thinking about the way he found his tattoos repulsive when they were all over his body, and were the first things he saw whenever he looked in the mirror must've been so painful to him. but he probably thought being affected by it made him weak so🙁.

and finally, the end where it shows his attachment and love for his inner child who was never loved or taken care by anybody and had to fend for his own. the image of the older donald, covered in tattoos taking care of his small, crying younger self is so powerful😭😭like look at this i wanna kms

i wonder in another life how donald na would turn out if none of these things happened to him🙁🙁he wanted to be a NASA engineer you know🙁🙁🙁😭😭😭he had his own dreams

other things that i noted were that donald actually changes in public a lot. like seriously a lot....first on the rooftop then in the library, like this guy was just stripping at every opportunity.

and also that him not inviting gilshin and jimmy bae into the union was done on purpose as a technique to make them more willing to join? what?? that's so smart😭😭

i also found out this way that myles was a member of the union before it was even called the union?? like they rode together for three years and donald still beat his ass like damn! he is unsentimental.

i'm going to write something about the funeral chapter but that deserves its own post

#weak hero #donald na #gray yeon #union #weak hero webtoon #na baekjin #kingsley kwan

[enixamyram]

The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes Spoiler Review

So, I just got back and it's time to share my thoughts! So here goes! Spoilers, so be warned because I am going to be comparing a lot to the books and talking about specific film moments.

In general it was okay... But yeah, if I'm honest I was a little disappointed.

So, let's get the bad out of the way and end on a positive.

Firstly, it was far too rushed. They tried to squeeze in far too much in such a small amount of time. While the books were able to slowly show his feelings for Lucy Gray growing over time spent with her, the films made it almost instantaneous and every scene seemed to overlap the one before so it was very jumbled and bouncing from one moment to the next. Even just the first scene of him seeing her is all wrong.

In the books, he is not impressed until he sees her stand out. But even then, he's careful at keeping himself composed, even becoming self conscious when he accidentally whispers out loud for fear that someone noticed. It's a key part of his character to be very controlled with his image. In the film, when Lucy Gray is slapped by the mayor, he jumps up out of his seat and is making a spectacle of himself by standing for seemingly no reason because he has no attachment to her yet. So right off the bat, it feels like the film immediately doesn't understand his character at all.

There were also so many moments where it seemed like they were screwing over other characters for the sake of making Snow look better. For example, Jessup's death. In the book, Lysistrata willingly decides to send all the water to stop Jessup from killing Lucy Gray because she is a kind hearted character who knows he would want Lucy Gray to win and because she is taking responsibility for her tribute. In the films, they have Snow beg/demand she do it for him, thus taking away from her entirely to add to him in a very unnecessary way.

Another example being Clemensia. In the film, they have her push and force her way into the assignment rather than being selected to help by the class - thus making her seem like a bitch and Snow the poor guy just trying to do as his told. They then have her lie, not just about helping doing the assignment but have her try and take full credit for it entirely while he weakly protests behind her. Again, another way to make her seem so much worse than she is in the book for no other sake than to make Snow look better. And they also make her pointlessly stupid. In the books, Snow collects a piece of paper from the snakes and Clemensia is in the middle of reaching in (having seen him do it without harm) when Gaul explains the snakes purpose. She then tried to snatch her hand back out again but the snakes attack before she could. In the film, she is told before she even attempts what will happen, yet still does it? She's then not seen or mentioned for the rest of the film at all which, while I understand for film reasons, still seems a narrative mess.

Another instance I didn't see the point of was having Lucy Gray poison some water and have Dill accidentally drink it instead of Coral or one of the others. All it did was put an innocent death on Lucy Gray that never led to anything storywise, and the film even kind of make fun of the idea that she died naturally... Which feels like a dig at the book where she does, in fact, die of tuberculosis. I know it's not really a dig (at least I hope it's not...) but that's how it feels when they mock the idea.

They also do not do a good job of showing us his thoughts. My brother hasn't read the books yet. And he felt that the ending threw him off completely. That Snow's sudden shift into hunting Lucy Gray made no sense and came out of nowhere. And he's right because the film did not accurately show him as the controlling, manipulative and posessive person that the books did. Even the end itself feels completely off. In the films it makes it seem like Snow is still wanting to run away with Lucy Gray at the end, even after finding the guns. In the books, he clearly has a change of heart once he knows he doesn't have to fear persecution. Yet the films almost make it seem like Lucy Gray is the one who ruins it for them, like she's the one who runs away and he only hunts her because of that. Maybe that's just my own interpretation and not what they intended, but either way, they could have done a lot better with showing his thought process in that moment and maybe it might have made more sense for people who didn't already know what was happening.

In general, I really think my fears were realized. I think they did not accurately show Snow as the villain, that they did not accurately show his "love" for Lucy Gray was very twisted from early on. Which, unfortunately, led for a really messy finale where he seems to almost switch from kind hearted struggling boy to cold blooded murdering villain.

And I'd also like to add, it isn't just Snow I don't think they wrote very well. I actually really like the character of Dean Highbottom in the books. However, the bizarre (and unnecessary) choice to show them telling the students they will be mentors just before the reaping led to some very inconsistent lines from the Dean. I remember hearing the line in the trailer: "you're goal is to make spectators, not survivors" and hating it. It seemed to go against the entire point of him, which was a very unwilling creator of the games who tried to drug himself into oblivious so as not to face what his little idea caused these victims. But the way they have him act in that first scene really does feel like a different character to the man we see him be at the end.

There were many scenes cut, as expected. Some understandable, some questionale, some I really was disappointed over. Some changes feel so random and pointless (why change Jessup from getting bit by a rat in the zoo to getting bit by a bat on the train???) but there were some bits I did like.

Now let's praise it a bit.

The scene where the bombs explode in the arena was breath taking! Everything about it, especially the way it was filmed, was so masterfully done. As was the finale scene between Snow and Highbottom was really well performed and one of my favorite scenes in the films and books. Any time it did a direct quote or scene from the book itself, I got very excited and was really into it because it really was done well!

Also, as much as I say they did a poor job with the characters writing, I want to be clear, that has nothing to do with the actors. All the actors were brilliant in their individual roles. Each of them was the perfect choice for the character they were playing and I think with a better script and maybe more screen time, they each could have been as amazing as the original cast from the previous films.

There were also some little changes I did enjoy. I liked Lucy Gray getting caught out in the open a bit more and thus adding a bit more action for her. I also liked the final line from Coral in the film, about she couldn't die after killing so many. I think it was a nice little shine about how she wasn't an evil killing machine, she just wanted to survive. Just like the others, she didn't kill because she liked killing but rather, because she didn't want to die. And you can judge her for it, but I also think it makes her somewhat more sympathetic.

Overall, I didn't hate hate it... But I didn't enjoy it as much as I hoped I would. I know why it was made into a single film, but the truth is, I really think it would have benefitted from being another trilogy or even a short TV series. Maybe then they would have had time to build Lucy Gray and Snow's relationship and show us more of his darker side naturally as he progressed, as well as give other characters a chance to shine like they do in the book.

They can't all be winners, however. I still think the book is amazing and I will have to get this one on DVD... But it's really mostly just kind of okay in the end.

#The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes #Coriolanus Snow #Lucy Gray Baird #Sejanus Plinth #Clemensia Dovecote #Lysistrata Vickers #Casca Highbottom

[elizabethrobertajones]

4, 5, 13, 24, urithan :3

oooooh.

What’s their favorite sleeping/cuddling positions?

Listen. Listen, I am all for creative thinking outside the box big spoon/little spoon dynamics that smash expectations and have some edgy cool take on the characters. Thancred probably agrees with me and squirms and wiggles and rolls over with huffs and sighs while they're trying to fall asleep and he's fighting it off, and also fighting off Urianger's sleepy grasping arms reaching for a cuddle.

But they WILL wake up all snug and cuddled up with Urianger as the big spoon, all wrapped around him and the blankets kicked away because he runs hot. And it will be the coziest he's ever felt every time and he'll make just as many grumpy little comments about Urianger letting go and trying to get out of bed as he did while elbowing him all night trying to resist this.

Sometimes you just need the elezen weighted blanket.

Who does what chores?

Obviously Urianger can't cook because he's a prime Archon Loaf advocate (urgh, no one's perfect, here's your reminder). I'm not sure Thancred is MUCH better but he can do practical meals which won't poison you and he got a lot better with making do while having to feed Ryne while they travelled together, and can be creative with specifically anything that grows/lives in Il Mheg. Bookman's Shelves is right near the salad foods gathering spot so no one got scurvy. Anyway Urianger probably never, ever tidied up, just sorted the book piles to clear a space to work, but I imagine he has a lot of spells for lazy academics to help with laundry and other cleaning that would be a lot of scrubbing. Especially as an alchemist. I think after Thancred and Ryne left to go back on their travels, Urianger would always find his space a bit tidier than he remembered, and Thancred would notice the whites on their clothes really popped and they were stain-free again.

What’s their opinions on PDA?

Thancred like "love them... wait, for me?" and then disappears in a puff of smoke. He can't even admit to more than wry attachment to his own husband in public. He can probably be coaxed out of that shell since he's quietly admitted he sort of maybe likes Urianger by now, but honestly. That's a work in progress and Urianger probably doesn't feel a strong stake in overcoming it, more than not wanting to upset Thancred by absentmindedly touching him and making him squirm in alarm at being Perceived. I feel like Thancred's emotional barriers that stop him expressing Genuine Emotions without narrating them grimly is kind of a core character trait so godspeed, Urianger.

(He's got so much better at some of the other stuff so I'm not completely hopeless :P)

What are their favorite places to kiss on their partner(s)? What are their favorite types of kisses?

I will always hold that Urianger loooooves kissing archon marks etc (Thanks Moenbryda for the thigh tattoo), which means lots of neck kissies for Thancred. Pulling on that collar to get at it, nuzzling him when they're just hugging and he burrows in to press his lips there... Just totally irresistible to him.

.... I can't stop thinking about how *I* would want to walk up behind Urianger and kiss the skin exposed by his plunging back of his dress so I'm just shamelessly giving that headcanon to Thancred to enjoy.

#ffxiv #asks #thanuri #shadowbringers spoilers #actually #I think the scions from the EW squad should get a group tattoo for that #...... maybe a stylised Meteion ...... #anyway thanks for making me spend an hour thinking of nothing but Thancred and Urianger kissing. #:3

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

So ever since I found mlm and wlw stories (especially fanfics), my interest in het romance decrese a lot, and what I search for is just the dynamic between mc (male) and male lead or mc (female) and female lead...I don't want to read mc (female) and male lead or mc (male) and female lead...And what I want to read mostly are just mlm or wlw stories for romance....

What do you think is happening to me? Is it really weird?

There is absolutely nothing weird about what you’re enjoying reading.

As for what is happening, I don’t think there is anything happening so I really wouldn’t worry. Learning what you like in media as in life is just part of growing up and learning how to person. Fortunately or unfortunately, that never stops and now matter how old you are, you can always learn something new about the world around or who you are as a person.

I can’t give you any answers, I’m only a stranger on the internet and only you’ll have all the information you need.

It could just be that it’s something new, a new genre you like and it might changechange like the wind. It could be that you enjoy the dynamics between the characters you’re reading about and they happen to by mlm or wlw. It could be a lack of content for the het relationships in the fandoms you’re in. It might be that you’re seeing yourself in the characters or that you’re starting to explore other identities, either for yourself or just for curiosity of wanting to know, and that’s okay too. It could be the separation from real life and fiction and enjoying something that is completely separate to the real world, or the world around you, while so much other stuff is going on in the news everyday. It could be something else entirely.

There’s no right or wrong answer to any of it. Whatever the reason, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying reading any genre, be it queer romance, het romance, found family, or something as unrelated as sci-fi fantasy with convoluted plots and over complicated characters. Nothing you read says anything about you as a person and there’s no moral value attached to enjoying reading any genre. It just means that you enjoy reading it.

There is nothing wrong with you.

I read all sorts of books, fanfics, poetry, articles. I’m out here quoting the great gatsby or various fanfics one day, then a song of Achilles or Crier’s War the next, and Plato or The Iliad the day after that. None of it changes who I am, just what kind of information I carry around which in turn helps me interact with the world around. Hopefully I learn something along the way, but if not then at least I had fun.

I’ve been out as queer for a few years now and spent five ish years (give or take) in the closet before that. I’ve met a lot of people from all walks of life who feel all sorts of ways, who’ve enjoyed reading all sorts of things. Some who’ve known exactly who they are and others who are still figuring it out, some who thought they knew until they realised they’d got it wrong so went back to figuring it out. And that goes for all things, hobbies, interests, religion, politics, sexuality, gender. People change and grow and learn and that’s such a beautiful, brilliant thing in life.

No one has all the answers, we’re all just looking to figure it out as we go and enjoy the journey getting there.

And all of it is absolutely and completely okay, but more than that it’s human. Take your time, and in the meantime, enjoy reading whatever you like because if you’re enjoying it, then it’s worth it.

And feel free to send recs of any genre because I’m always looking for more to read :)

I hope this helps, anon.

-ThatNerd :)

#anon ask #asks #i don’t know how to tag this #not my usual stuff #it got a little more rambling than I expected but my point stands

[dollybeagle]

mothwing for the character opinion bingo?

can you tell i like mothwing

ramble under the cut

FHNDAKS MOTHWING MY BEST FRIEND MOTHWING. I am the only one who's right about her ever /j. She's so important to me

Mothwing has been one my fav cats ever since I started reading the books, but I don't remember being so attached to her until last year. I recall it starting after (and also during, but mostly after) going through some nasty experiences related to toxic religious people and stuff that led into me having a complete religious meltdown. Mothwing was a character I could heavily relate to and project to during that time, and i became really attached to her oof

Mothwing is a really complex character in canon, with a lot of missed potential that I will never shut up about. So, she is the daughter of tigerstar, yet we never get any canon content of her even aknowledging that, at all? Which sucks because, unlike her siblings, she seems almost completely uneffected by the fact that tigerstar is her father.

Tigerstar is not the only character that Mothwing's relationship with had a lot of potential, but there are also other characters that could have been great to see intereacting with her. For example, something that really frustrates me is how we never get to see mothwing intereacting with her half-siblings (cough cough. tawnypelt.) especially at moments when there was a lot of potential. During tbc, we could have gotten some great scenes of Mothwing bonding with tawnypelt over their common origins that have left them unfairly wronged at multiple situations. Also, when they both found peace in shadowclan when their own clan screwed them over. Im pointing at you erins please im desperate

Another thing that I don't see people talk about is how much wasted potential there was between Feathertail and Mothwing's friendship. SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER MENTOR BEFORE SHE DECIDED TO TRAIN AS A MEDICINE CAT.. PLEASE.

Anyway im done yelling at the erins so i will decide to be nice and not scream about how mothwing should have been a pov character during tnp because again. there was a lot of potential there but the erins are cowards. So let's get into canon mothwing. Canon Mothwing is sometimes hard to understand since we don't get any canon content with her during tnp, so we get to only see her from leafpaw/pool's point of view. When she's firstly introduced and throughout the whole series, Mothwing is often described by leafpool as beautiful, which I think has also influenced the fandom into portraying her as a "confident, pretty medicine cat etc etc". But I've always liked to interpret her as self conscious and awkward, literally anything but confident. I feel like sasha leaving riverclan, along with the reveal of the moth's wing sign and the reveal of her origins has left her pretty self conscious and awkward, if that makes sense.

I feel like I should share my opinion on mothpool, so here we go. I think i have mentioned before, that I'm not a big fan of fanon mothpool, mostly because the interpretation of both characters in this ship always felt a little odd to me (eg mothwing being a big buff fluffy personalityless gf and leafpool being the short, lithe, shy small gf. I just never really liked it). But I'm a big fan of canon mothpool, as well as messy mothpool. The one of them lives under rules they don't agree with, in a society that they see as "brainwashed and blind", while the other is a firm follower of these rules (leafpool fuck the code you should start killing), and while the two want to be together, they can do nothing but stare each other in longing. doomed yuri ftw

So, since we got these out of the way, let's talk about some design potential mothwing has. I'm a huge fan of colorpoint mothwing, but I can't help but notice that I'm growing fonder of tigerclone/brown rabby mothwing more. I feel like it would have been cool to see a tigerstar desceasand that also looks lik him trying to fix their reputation through their actions. Also, eye imagery mothwing design anyone?

also i believe she's an aroace lesbian.

#rowan speaks #i got so excited when i got this ask i didnt know where to start from #so if you wanna ask me more about mothwing. please do im not even finished here #wc #warrior cats #warrior cats mothwing #mothwing #mothwing wc

[k-s-morgan]

Hello! I made a Tumblr account just so that I can tell you how amazing your writing is and how awesome you are! I watched Hannibal just so I could read more of your stories - the way that you keep shifting the power dynamics and building up these obsessive relationships creates some of the most intense and best stories that I have ever read. Do you ever think of writing a story with original characters that you might try publishing? (I would definitely buy and read it!)

Also, thank you so much for the personal updates that you do about yourself and Ukraine. I am so sorry for everything you and your country has been experiencing with Russia. I think you are remarkable with your communications and how much good you are putting out in the world despite the horror you and your country are being put through. I wish you and your loved ones all the best. Thank you for everything you do!

Hello! Oh wow, I really appreciate it! It's so flattering that you decided to watch the entire show just to read my fics, and I'm happy that you enjoyed them! I love obsessive characters, and I love obsessive, dark relationships between them even more. If you're interested, I have a Hannigram AU one-shot here that I didn't post to AO3.

As for original novels, I actually have three published romance stories, but I wrote them when I was like 17, and two of them are M/F. I don’t talk about them often because my style has evolved over the years, and the ideas and execution in them are probably problematic - and not in a good way!

My first book was Until Hell Freezes Over. It’s a semi-dark Gothic M/F romance with a twist that takes it from a more ordinary genre to a somewhat supernatural one. Ironically, I got most attached to my gay dark secondary character who’s in unrequited love with the main character. I just couldn’t get into M/F to the extent I wanted. I love this story in a way, it's my baby, and it has an interesting way of character development, but I wrote it because I naively hoped to gain more attention in the M/F market, not because I was really inspired. And both protagonists are not the best people in shallow and grounded ways.

My second book was Layers of Freesia. It’s a short and far less serious M/F romance. Basically, they met, they fought, they made up, all in 100 or so pages. I love my female character there - some readers mentioned she’s autistic, and while I didn’t think of it when I was writing, I believe it fits. She holds a special place in my heart.

My third book was All Roads Lead to Hades. It’s a short M/M obsession-based novel. Some readers mentioned it’s rushed, and it might be so because I was excited to be finally writing in the genre I wanted and I had a specific deadline by which I needed it to be done) I’ve never re-read it and didn’t have the heart to edit it. 

I have 200 pages of another dark M/M romance written, and I do intend to finish and publish it at some late date. Here’s the synopsis I wrote back in 2016.

There were times when the Lettvin-Nostrand Empire was one of strongest, full of pureblood nobility who possessed powerful magic and feared no one. But seduced by the promises of more freedom from a neighboring Empire, the society split up, unleashing war that had been ravaging their own territory until Emperor Glacirien had enough.

Ruthless and cruel, Glacirien is feared by his enemies and his own people alike because the abilities he possesses are like no others. He puts an end to the war and keeps ruling over his burned Empire, not letting it heal, condemning people to suffer and die from starvation and diseases for their betrayal. When he visits one of the dying villages, he meets a golden-haired young man who evokes feelings in him Glacirien never expected to experience.

Caelus is warm. Caelus embodies the light and the brightness remaining in this world, and Glacirien is growing obsessed with him.

Caught in a dangerous web of political intrigues, betrayals, love, and his own dark nature, he has to tread carefully in order to preserve the remains of his country… for however weak Caelus’ magic is, in the end, he might be the person destined to destroy Glacirien’s Empire for

I have a prologue for it posted here.

Last year, I published a small book with short war-related stories. It felt healing to write it.

Also, thank you so much for your kind words about my country, me, and my people! It really means a lot. I still cannot believe this is our life now... Even sleeping a night properly, with no attacks and alarms, is a blessing. It should never be this way for anyone, but unfortunately, I doubt the guilty Russians will ever learn.

#my fics #my books #hannigram #personal #ukraine #russia is a terrorist state

[maverickcalf]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️

Dang, so uhhhh i love all my fic pretty equally. And I am going to limit the five I go into detail about to be finished fics. Which does cut down the number to 46...

Also this has been sitting in my drafts and is late but i think i got all of them!

5. A Mark of a Fig Tree -Mission Impossible

A soul mate au with a bit of a twist. I never really liked standard soul mate aus because it leaves very little room for people to grow into different relationships. There is also time, time changes people. So what would happen if one of those marked was trans.

This goes into a bit more of a happy ending, but Ethan goes through a lot of self hatred to get there. Pretty short but sweet.

4. Dance around the Subject - Cocktail (1988)

Ah so this one. I feel like i really captured the characters well. This fic is an au where Jordan saw Brian walk off with Doug to sleep with him instead.

It's a bit messed up, but it captures things well and made me actually grow attached to Jordan and Brian as a couple.

3. Done with Love - Top Gun

I wrote this fic in one night but you can tell how much i love it by the placement!

It's a fic going into Carole's and Maverick's relationship post Goose's passing and how part of the queerplatonic partnership sticks together even if things seem hopeless.

(Best read listening to the song of the same name)

2. Beach Static - The Firm (1993)

Mitch Mcdeere deals with nightmares. It's post canon, and it really is one of my favorites. I feel pain when i read it but i... like that? The warnings are important but i feel the fic captures my feelings on the firm and how certain feelings don't hit you until you are safe.

Even if you don't feel safe.

(Please read Beach Static, it is very underappreciated)

1. The way I wanna feel - Top Gun

This is the story of Goose and Maverick coming together in a different sort of relationship with some help from Carole, who also loves them.

This fic has a lot of good family stuff but also Maverick being a reckless fool. Also they just love...

Makes me feel warm and fuzzy everytime i read it. Queerplatonic Goosemavcarole rules!

#anyway that's done! #long post #blu's writing #top gun #cocktail 1988 #mission: impossible #the firm 1993 #boa

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

ok so this is partially because you're my token frankenstein friend, and known fun ghoul lover and i'm currently writing about this so i gotta ask

what are your thoughts on fun ghoul as frankenstein (like the sewn together/brought to life via electric shock kinda deal)?

okay first of all I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE TWO DAYS TO ANSWER I SOMEHOW DID NOT SEE THIS ASK UNTIL NOW 😭second, i need you know that being called ur "token frankenstein friend" is literally the highest honor i have ever received LMAO

now to actually answer your question, OF COURSE I FUCKING LOVE GHOUL AS FRANKENSTEIN IT JUST- OH MY GOD IT IS SOOO PERFECT IN SO MANY WAYS. literally the reason he's been my favorite for so long is bc i latched onto him when i first got into danger days bc "ooo! frankenstein mask!"

i have always LOVED the idea of him literally being a creature stitched together, brought back to life, full affront to nature type shit. ESPECIALLY if you take that with the idea that he's some BLI experiment- that he was their next step in playing god but he escaped and got out to the zones and he found love and friendship!!! and maybe he still feels like a monster and he feels like a special type of outcast in a way that no other joy can really *truly* understand, but also maybe at the same time he has party and kobra and jet who know what its like for your body to feel wrong- like it isnt yours- and they know what its like to be victims of the city and to grow up scared and alone. and so yeah ghoul's a bit of a freak but so is the rest of his family and they all love each other and they do their best to understand him and i just-

it is LITERALLY SO FUCKING PERFECT and i am OBSESSED with the concept in so many ways! like. @bsideheart's You Can't Change Fate is one of my favorite fucking fics ever bc it delves into this theme, sooo many pieces of my favorite ghoul art have him all stitched up and frankensteined, and even looking back at ttid i think a lot of ghoul's themes/character arc is very similar to the creature! even though he's not literally a sewn together reanimation in ttid, he still *feels* like a monster bc he's learned from years and years of abandonment that he is unlovable (which is why he's still so attached to jet even after so many years- he's the one person who's never hurt ghoul like that).

so yeah i fucking franken ghoul, both in like a literal sense and metaphorically. AND YOU SAID YOURE WRITING ABT THIS RN?????? JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND SCREAMING IM SO FUCKING HYPED NOW WAAAAAAAA

#asks #fun ghoul #danger days #i think one of the first like. actual danger days fics i read was abt ghoul being brought back to life in this way? but also maybe im #making that up bc i stg i have searched for the fic for YEARS and i CANNOT fucking find it so maybe it was just a vague idea i had?? #i am SEVERELY lacking in this sort of content tho so fucking. oh my god PLEASE write abt it bc i will fucking eat that shit up like CANDY #I LOVE IT SM AND I NEED TO READ MORE WITH IT AHHH