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missmentelle · 3 years

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What makes a codependent relationship? Is it healthy for someone to rely on you as a constant source for support, talking all the time? Getting seperation anxiety and experiencing extreme stress when they are without you? Is it selfish to not necessarily reciprocate that stress?

Let's start by defining what a codependent relationship is.

In a codependent relationship, one person (the codependent) consistently enables the dysfunction of another person, often assuming a "caretaker" or "protector" role. The dysfunctional person usually struggles with a serious issue that may make it difficult for them to function on their own - often addiction, mental illness, or serious underachievement/irresponsibility - and the codependent partner will make extreme personal sacrifices to take care of this person and shield them from the consequences of their actions.

Codependent relationships aren't always romantic relationships - they can be found between friends, parents/children, coworkers, other family members, or any other type of relationship. Wherever they exist, are very unhealthy for both of the people involved in them. The codependent person focuses so heavily on the dependent person's needs that they entirely neglect their own, while the dysfunctional person is enabled to continue being dysfunctional and is often prevented from making any kind of progress toward recovery.

Common traits of codependent people include:

a fear of being alone. They often seek out relationships with people who will depend on them and encourage that dependency to ensure that the other person will not leave them.

extreme fixation on the feelings and needs of others. They often view their own needs as unimportant or secondary and prioritize the needs of others, even when this has not been asked of them.

a compulsive need to "fix" the problems of others. when they see a person who is struggling, they feel the overwhelming need to step in and start "fixing" the situation, even if doing so is not their responsibility.

low self-esteem. They often have chronic issues with self-esteem, and don't feel that they "deserve" to have their own needs prioritized. Their self-esteem is often tied to their ability to maintain their caretaking role at all costs, even when it is incredibly harmful to them.

controlling and perfectionist tendencies. Codependent people often struggle to cope when they don't have high amounts of control in their relationships, or when things aren't done "just so". They gravitate towards caretaking roles where they have high amounts of control, and struggle to let go.

external locus of control. They often feel powerless in their lives, and feel that they simply have to accept their circumstances and the way that others treat them.

high capacity for denial. They often cannot or will not see problems that are right in front of them, and refuse to acknowledge the seriousness of a situation - the house will be burning down around them and they'll refuse to even admit that it's getting a little warm.

a history of interpersonal trauma or abuse. Codependency is often a learned behaviour - many people who fall into these patterns experienced codependency from their parents, or witnessed their parents' codependent relationship at a young age. Many have also experienced extreme emotional abuse, from their parents or a past partner.

a strong need for approval. Codependents need to be liked. They need approval. Doing things for others and letting others walk on them is the best way they know how to gain that.

boundary issues. They often cannot and do not set personal boundaries - they take a "Giving Tree" approach to helping others, endlessly giving even when it seriously hurts them. At the same time, they may overstep boundaries to try to fix others' issues, even when it is not their responsibility to get involved.

a lack of personal identity. The codependent relationship often becomes the focus of their whole life. They invest so much time and energy into it that without it, they wouldn't know what to do with themselves.

a tendency to be drawn to close relationships with substance addicts, alcoholics, people with personality disorders, or other codependents. Codependent relationships are usually not a one-off thing - they tend to be a recurring pattern in a person's life. In particular, people with untreated BPD often seek out relationships with codependent people, as they tend to prefer relationships with people who don't set personal boundaries and are willing to provide the extreme amounts of reassurance and caretaking that they need. People with BPD also tend to be codependent themselves, further complicating things.

an appearance of being "addicted to chaos". Codependent people often appear to gravitate toward drama, dysfunction and chaos. Having relationships with people who have healthy boundaries, autonomy and stable personal lives often holds little interest for them - they prefer relationships where they feel needed and depended upon.

Codependent people often have a "martyr" or "victim" complex - they often feel that it is their lot in life to suffer for others, that self-sacrifice is a key part of their identity, or that suffering is simply a part of loving someone. The idea that they should set expectations in a relationship, leave a relationship where they aren't treated well or have an identity of their own outside a relationship is something they struggle with. They often hop from codependent relationship to codependent relationship, becoming steadily more beaten down and burnt out in the process - breaking free from codependent tendencies can be a long process, and often requires professional help.

There is a lot of variety in what codependent relationships look like. Some examples of codependency in action would include:

A mother allows her chronically unemployed and irresponsible 38-year-old son to live with her, and does everything for him. She never confronts her son about the fact that he doesn't contribute financially or help out around the house, even though it's placing a great financial and personal strain on her. When other family members ask why her adult son isn't taking steps to get his life together, the mother becomes highly defensive, and may make up lies about the progress he's made, or insist that he's still young and that this is normal for his age.

A woman assumes the role of "caregiver" for her unstable and very mentally ill partner. She bends over backwards to keep her partner happy, and doesn't seem to notice or mind that her partner never does the same thing in return. Her partner constantly burns bridges with their own family or friends with their explosive anger, and she rushes in to make excuses and try to fix the situation. When friends raise concerns about the relationship, she brushes them off, insisting that she's happy and everything is fine.

The parent of an autistic teenager infantilizes their autistic child, and insists that the child needs much more care than they actually do. Being an "autism parent" is a huge part of their identity. The child has never been allowed to attend an overnight camp, go for sleepovers or stay at home with a babysitter, as the parent is highly fearful and believes that other people will not look after their child properly. The parent strongly resists all of their child's attempts to gain more independence, insisting that it's too dangerous or that the child cannot handle it.

The US version of the television show Shameless is almost entirely centered around codependent relationships. The main characters are all in codependent relationships with their alcoholic and dysfunctional father, Frank. Although the main characters are often angry with their father, they constantly allow him back into their lives no matter how horribly he treats them - at times, they give him money, provide him with alcohol, let him move back into their house, visit him in the hospital and cover him with a blanket when he passes out on the floor. The boundaries they set with him never last long, and they always resume having a relationship with him, even after he does things that most people would find unforgivable.

So with that said: is it healthy for someone to rely on you as a constant source of support?

It sort of depends.

Relationships are supposed to be a reliable source of support for both of the people in them. That's sort of what they're for. I worry sometimes that the internet is making us too transactional in our relationships, and too quick to think that someone is taking advantage of us if they constantly turn to us for support. It's normal to find comfort in your relationships, and to turn to your loved ones whenever you need someone to talk to. I talk to my partner, my parents and my closest friends every day - that often means mentioning things that we’re stressed or anxious about, or venting about problems in our lives. Sometimes people are going through something and need extra support for a while - that’s just a normal part of close relationships.

With that said, there are times when someone leans on you too hard. If helping someone is starting to take a serious toll on your own life, that’s a problem. Every relationship needs boundaries; if your boundaries are consistently pushed or broken in the name of supporting that person, it may be time for a serious talk. Staying up until 4am to talk someone through a crisis is fine if this is a rare occurrence. Staying up until 4am to talk someone through a crisis multiple times per week, every single week, is an issue - that’s you sacrificing your own need for sleep, and something needs to change. Are you willing to set boundaries and balance your own needs with your friends’ needs? Is the other person willing to respect boundaries, or do they lash out with anger, guilt-trips, accusations of not caring for them or threats to harm themselves?

If you and a friend are both willing to communicate and work on establishing boundaries, I think it’s fine for one person to need a lot of support. If the relationship is damaging for you and one or both of you just isn’t able or willing to discuss boundaries, that’s a sign there could be some codependence going on.

A person experiencing separation anxiety and extreme stress when you aren’t around could be an issue - but again, it depends on how it’s being handled. Is your friend able to cope with this anxiety on their own, or are they constantly putting this anxiety on you? Are they blowing up your phone and getting anxious if you’re 10 minutes late answering a text? Do they ever try to guilt-trip you or blame you for triggering their separation anxiety? Do they accuse you of not caring about them if you try to take time for yourself? Are they jealous of your other relationships? Is their extreme stress taking a toll on your life and preventing you from having other relationships or having personal boundaries and space? If your friend is willing to work on boundaries and find healthy coping mechanisms for their stress, this might be something you can overcome. If your friend is burning you out and one or both of you is unable to set boundaries, this might be a very unhealthy situation.

Not feeling the same stress and anxiety, however, is definitely not selfish. It’s not healthy for someone to feel that level of extreme stress and separation anxiety - it’s not your friend’s fault that they experience that, but it’s still very unhealthy. The fact that someone feels an unhealthy attachment to you does not mean that you should feel an unhealthy attachment right back. No one benefits from that. In any healthy relationship, both people have a life and identity outside the relationship. This is, fundamentally, the issue at the core of many different unhealthy relationships - whether they are codependent, enmeshed, or abusive.

Being so attached to someone that you can’t handle them needing friends, hobbies, space and independence isn’t a compliment or something to aspire to - it’s just unhealthy.

Hope this answers your question! MM

#AnsweredByMM

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kaypeace21 · 4 years

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The ‘parentification’ of Jonathan Byers (psych analysis)

“Parentification is defined as the phenomenon where children take caregiving responsibilities (acting as a parent) for their parents, siblings or other family members, at the expense of their own developmental needs.”

When can parentification occur?

1) After a “Divorce”

“If there is more than one child in the family, usually the eldest, is “chosen” to be parentified .When a father-figure is missing, it may be the eldest son who is forced to take on his father's responsibilities.”

2) When there’s a “parent with a mental illness “

3)“Parental alcoholism or drug addiction.” (lonnie’s place covered in beer cans could allude to this).

4) “siblings with a mental illness’

5) “Death of a sibling or parent” ( This point is kind of cheating - but the fact Jon as a 15 y old had to plan a funeral, for his little brother instead of either one of his parents just illustrates how he always was forced to do adult duties much too young.)

6) “mothers of low socio-economic status, are frequently associated with parentification of their children. “

“given the fact that there are many single parent families, it falls upon children from some of these homes to carry adult responsibilities while their parent is out working. Often, in these situations, the parent is asking or expecting the child to take on adult responsibilities in their absence. They become the parent of the household in the interim between coming home from school and when the parent returns to the household.”

***TO MAKE THINGS VERY CLEAR: we are NOT hating on Joyce, here! “The harm of parentification is usually done not out of malicious intent. However, when a child who is supposed to go through their natural cycles of development and self- evolution, is forced to grow up too quickly, there is a cost.” But, Joyce did what she had to do being a poor single mother - she had to work! Even when Lonnie was around- he had debts. And Joyce apologized to Jon for not being around when they were growing up (working since he was 5)- and she even mentioned working Hollidays . But at the end of s1, we see her celebrating Christmas eve with them (showing she’s trying to have a better work life balance for her kids and prioritize them more). I think Will’s disappearance gave Joyce a wake-up call of sorts about what she values most-her kids.She loves her kids more than anything- and would never intentionally do any harm. She has to work for all of them to survive and stay together. But it did force Jon to be parent to Will in her absence (especially cause Lonnie even when around wasn’t much help).

And in s3 it’s hinted Joyce plans to be there for her kids on Thanksgiving and Christmas- so she is trying to rectify past behaviors. Ok with that out of the way, now we can continue...

Types of Parentification

“Parentification can either be emotional or instrumental, or both.”

“EMOTIONAL PARENTIFICATION : is when the child becomes a source of constant emotional support to their parent or sibling.Emotional parentification often involves a child or adolescent taking on the role and responsibilities of confidant, secret keeper, or emotional healer for family members.”

“ Parentification can also be the the process of role reversal where a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent. Examples being: Listening to a parent talk about their problems.Serving as a confidante for their parent or providing emotional comfort and support to a parent.”

“In cases of INSTRUMENTAL PARENTIFICATION: children take on practical responsibilities such as:Taking care of siblings or other relatives because a parent is unable to. Assuming housekeeping duties, such as cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping. And Paying bills and attending to other household tasks .”

“ It’s good for kids to have responsibilities such as chores around the house or babysitting for a younger sibling. Responsibilities should increase when a child becomes a teenager to prepare them for being on their own eventually. However, when a young child is responsible for , paying the electricity bill, or raising a younger sibling, that is when problems arise.”

“Imagine a child who is bombarded every day with the responsibilities to tuck in sisters or brothers, or read them bedtime stories; organize drinks or food, wash up dishes, pay bills, or a myriad of housework. When burdened with that many responsibilities, self-care tends to go out the window. If the child continues to attend school, they may be withdrawn, unkempt, and visibly exhausted.”

“The effects are worsened and more destructive for the development of the child, the more the care-giving efforts of the child become a normalized expectation.“

We see this in Joyce berating Jon for not parenting Will, properly (although her being upset was somewhat reasonable). But ,we also see this in how Joyce says Jonathan has “always been good at taking care of himself.” Assuming Jon is ok, when he’s actually not. While Lonnie simply insults Will saying “he was never good at taking care of himself.” The difference being Joyce criticizes Jon for not relying on her more. While Lonnie critiques Will for simply acting like a child and not being self-reliant, like Jonathan. Pretty heavily hinting, Lonnie even when around did very little parenting and expected the kids to take care of themselves. And since Will didn’t ‘take care of himself’ - it probably put the load on Jonathan to parent Will (when Joyce wasn’t around, even when Lonnie was physically there).

Consequences of Parentification

“ It is expected that complicated relationship patterns will develop between siblings. The parentified sibling can often develop a symbiotic, codependent relationship with their siblings.”

“These people are very likely to find themselves in similar relational patterns in adulthood. They believe they must serve, help and rescue everyone in need. As adults, they may find that they have a confused sense of self-identity beyond the helper role. The only way they learned to relate, was through being of service and providing caregiving- so it is extremely possible that they have to be the primary caregivers for their own romantic partners . Since they never learned anything different. “

“ The ‘helper role’ might have dominated their entire being. Their sense of self did not get fully developed before they were needed to care for others, so as a result, they don’t know who they are except when they are doing things for others. “

“Parentified children can become very angry people. Sometimes this adult child may not know why they are angry . They can have explosive anger or passive anger, especially when someone triggers their parental wounds of emotional exploitation.”

“Parentified children inevitably develop a distorted image of what love is supposed to be like, thereby growing up to be quite distrustful of interpersonal relationships overall.Complicated attachment patterns emerge as a result. An avoidant attachment style is not unlikely. In the absence of a nurturing provider of safety and care, the parentified child may have learned to utterly depend on themselves alone- thereby avoiding close bonds and intimacy in adult life.intimacy is both craved for and avoided, both a longing and a great threat. Underneath this facade, they are quite lonely.”

This is similar to Jonathan not having friends, ‘not liking most people’, having ‘trust issues’ caused by Lonnie (that caused distrust of Bob, a father-figure) and simply being afraid to talk to people in general. Or joyce calling out Jonathan saying “you act like you’re all alone in this world. But your not.”

‘They also tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong, and constantly try to fix things that cannot be fixed.’

“The child may appear highly capable to tend for themselves and others, very mature for their age, resilient and even wise beyond their years- but they lack the safe haven of a secure attachment figure that is vital for the development of emotional regulation.”

A parentified teenager or younger child may exhibit the following symptoms:

-”Anxiety”

Like... this hurt my soul! His face dropped the second Nancy left the room.He probably has anxiety but looks up to Joyce for trying to still be a good mom and keep it together. Why he said “WE’LL be okay” cause his mom is “tough”. He tries to lead by her example. But unlike Joyce, Jon probably always had to keep it together- even if struggling with similar anxiety issues as Joyce. Because he knew they both couldn’t act that way and “shut down” (for Will’s sake). He always had to put on a fake ‘grown-up’ front and keep the family together and help support Joyce and Will emotionally and finacially . And someone (unintentionally) saying the reason he’s like his mom is not because of her positive traits but because of her mental illness- must have HURT! Especially cause he’s probably already struggling with anxiety- and maybe even fears acknowledging it. Because he’s supposed to have it ‘all together.’ “The identity of parentified children actually depends on their ability to suppress their needs. Since it is likely that their family already had too many problems to cope with, and so they learned to be quiet, voiceless and without demands. In order to be a ‘proper helper’ .“

And it probably doesn’t help he’s afraid it could escalate into something worse. Because in s1 they mentioned Joyce’s aunt having hallucinations. And jonathan even says to hopper “she used to have anxiety problems. I’m worried it could be ... I don’t know.” So yeah , Nancy saying him and Joyce have the same anxiety problems probably terrified him.

-”Depression”

-”Inability to trust others (we covered that) and or social isolation.”

-”Compulsively overworking in order to fulfill responsibilities at school and at home.”

-”Feelings of guilt and shame.”

“Fortunately, there are many healing processes and routes to wholeness and recovery for a young adult or adult who has been parentified as a child.Acknowledgment of your past is the first step to healing and recovery (via therapy or other means). You have to accept the truth of your story. Because, if you continue to live in denial, your mental energy will be spent in suppressing the pain that was there, rather than healing what needs to be healed. Being highly self-reliant was your only option in your household , but it may be a strategy that no longer works for you. It keeps you in isolation and unable to connect with others. Therefore, challenging yourself to connect with others authentically would also be considered one of the most potent ways to heal. The thoughts, feelings, impressions, and emotions buried within are waiting to be heard, once and for all. “

Alright, thanks for listening I hope you enjoyed. I really wanted to do a psych analysis strictly based on what the show presents. Rather than inclusion of the s4 movies. I did mention how those movies did allude to Jonathan’s parentification, here (if interested though). I also didn’t go into the hints in the narrative of Lonnie possibly being s****lly abusive to Jonathan cause it’s a bit more speculative ( I did talk about it in my DID psych analyses pt 1 & pt 2 though). Only mentioning it here, at the end, since one of the causes of parentification is also a parent s****lly ab*sing their kids (quite literally stripping their kids of their entire childhood in every way imaginable- and frankly the worst way possible). Regardless,I think most people neglect Jonathan as a character- and the s4 movies hint we’ll finally get more focus on him in the upcoming seasons. So I wanted to dedicate a post to some of Jonathan’s issues that may get more attention in later seasons.

#jonathan byers #will byers #joyce byers #stranger things

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earthly--truth · 3 years

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What I believe in

These are my beliefs as someone who aligns with democratic socialism and progressivism. Feel free to critique it, challenge it, even just a few sections, whatever, but this is what I believe will make the world a better place, because people (and animals) deserve to live the best possible lives they can live with the only chance at life they got. This is going to be super general and long, and not get into nearly everything, but I hope it sheds a positive light on leftism.

Strong unions so that workers (the majority of people in society) have the ability have better footing to negotiate better wages, work hours, vacation days, benefits, etc. I also believe that in instances where it’s pragmatically viable that there should be a push for more worker co-op’s, in which every employee has a stake in the company they work at, and the ability to give their input (all companies should strive for more democracy). Both of these contribute to healthier, happier, and, and better payed people.

Raising the minimum wage in the U.S to $15 an hour. The current wage of $7.25 is way too low. It’s just not a livable wage. There’s a reason why McDonald’s and Walmart are called corporate welfare queens, and it’s because they’re employees require welfare to survive, despite being the biggest corporations on the planet with multi-billionaire CEO’s. The richest in society should also pay more in taxes.

Stop investing so much in the American military, cut it by a third if you can. (Firstly this frees up a lot of money for other things) Get the military out of the middle east, and create other more peaceful avenues to ensure it doesn’t crumble like every single time the military pulls out and doesn’t try to actually fix the mess they created. The people in the middle east deserve to be able to rebuild and they’ll need help to do that (just not the type of help where america installs their own leaders).

Healthcare should be universal, paid for by taxes. Every developed nation is capable of doing it. Many developing countries are doing it. Americans pay more in taxes for healthcare than so many other countries, yet a trip to the hospital still can put you in debt for the rest of your life. That is inhumane, and people shouldn’t have to choose between crippling debt and their health.

There’s also an argument to be made for free/way cheaper university, since countries like Canada or America force people to get a degree if they want to live a decent life, yet in order to do that you have to pay $15,000 a year for university. A system like that either forces people to skip out on uni, or again go into major debt. If Europe can figure it out, I think the U.S and Canada can figure it out too.

Black Lives Matter. To be more specific, I want police/criminal justice/prison reform. I want police de-militarized and to stop acting so abusive towards to civilians and real justice for the police that do, I want an end on the war on drugs (this helps drug addicts get help and delivers a blow to gangs and the cartel). I want an end to mass incarceration and laws that make it easier to throw people in jail for years for basically nothing. I want an end to for profit prisons. I want an end to the policy of retribution rather than rehabilitation for inmates (countries who rehabilitate are way more successful at non-returning inmates). I want an end to treating prisoners like slaves so corporations can get cheap labour. I also want the government to actually start caring about the poorest communities, many of which are predominantly black and latino (in cities anyways). (Also the indigenous in Canada). Better infrastructure, better public works programs. These all contribute to the proliferation of these communities and helps lessen the potential for criminality by making their lives better.

The dismantling of gender norms and roles, and de-stigmatization of LGBTQ+ people. I want people to be whoever they want to be. For far too long we have expected men and women to act a certain way. Women have come a long way, but there are still remnants of the old way of looking at things. We still have a lot of social stigma about how women should look, and that they are not worth even paying attention to if they aren’t conventionally attractive. We still have social stigma about sexuality and sex work. We hyper sexualize women in the media, yet shame women as sluts if they have a lot of sex. We shame women who choose abortion as murderers, yet don’t offer any support for the mother once the child has arrived. On top of that, the positions of power are still predominantly very old men. I also believe in helping men. Men are lonelier, men are increasingly staying sexless (not by choice), men are getting more suicidal. I want to address this two ways. One, by tackling toxic masculinity (not masculinity itself, just the bad parts). TM is telling men to man up and not to cry, TM is telling men not to act feminine or gay. TM is telling men to bottle up their emotions and resolve their problems through violence. The second way to address this is through my beliefs about workers. Men are the most suicidal in countries where there is a heavy work culture, like Japan and South Korea. Where they can’t have lives, and live to make money for the company they work at. That isn’t good.

When it comes to LGBTQ+ people, we need more positive representation in the media. We need people to see gay, trans, and non-binary people as normal people. When it comes to trans people specifically, we need to end the constant wars against them. Whether you’re talking about bathrooms, or sports, or children/teens receiving trans affirming healthcare. Let trans people be the gender that they say there are in the places they want to be, and allow them to receive the healthcare they need which is just the overwhelming medical consensus. This, combined with more supportive parents. all goes a long way to reducing the suicide rate amonst trans people.

The proliferation of the developing world. I want developing countries to be more autonomous, and to stop being under the boot of western corporations. I want an end to sweatshop labour or borderline sweatshop labour. I want the west to stop treating these actual people like their robots for pennies to produce our ungodly amounts of junk, and to actually pay these people decent wages. I want the world bank to stop giving money in an exploitative way to poor nations so that they cave to western business interests. These are people, human beings, and they deserve to develop and live good lives just like us. I also want them to fight for democracy in their countries.

Environmentalism. To go off the last section, 100 Corporations are contributing 71% of greenhouse gases. That needs to change. Corporations are participating ungodly amounts of devastations to eco-systems and the atmosphere. Ecosystems destroyed, and the exacerbation of the climate crises. I want a green and blue earth, and that can start by a) changing to green energy as much as humanly possible; solar, wind, and even nuclear (and whatever we come up with in the future) are far better than the fossil fuels we use now, which we’ll run out of anyways. And second we need to hold corporations accountable for destroying the planet. If we don’t do this, we risk the climate crises getting really bad. Oceans rising which will flood coastlines, creating millions of refugees, more periods of extreme dry (no water/bush fires) and extreme cold (look at what happened to texas). Something needs to be done about it.

Finally, veganism, for many reasons. One, the switch to veganism will be a big contributor to saving the planet. Whether you’re talking about the devastation we do to places like the Amazon Rain forest and other ecosystems to clear the way for animal farming, or whether you’re talking about reducing emissions. Most emissions and waste from agriculture are from the production phase of animal farming. So much food, water, and energy is wasted by giving it to billions of animals that we purposefully breed into existence, then slaughter, rinse and repeat, every single year, when we could just grow food and give water to people and skip out the middle man (think about how many people are hungry and without water in the world).

Philosophically, it is also wrong to kill a living creature that desires to live, that is able to connect with other living things and it surrounding, to form bonds. A cow, pig, chicken, lamb, sheep, are no different than a dog, cat, or rabbit, and they should not be killed, exploited, and tortured (confinement, abusive conditions in industrial farms) for pleasure. I know it’s pleasure for most people, because vegans are living proof that you can live happy and healthy lives without animal products. Vegans are statistically healthier than non-vegans, and we can get all the nutrients we need, even on an inexpensive diet. There are exceptions of course. A very small portion of people literally cannot eat plants and can only eat meat, and the developing world doesn’t have the same access to vegan products as the developed world does. Those people are valid, but many many people can make the switch and they should, especially in the developed world

All I see from this is making the world better. Hopefully you can too.

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ljones41 · 3 years

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"The Deconstruction of Dr. Jack Shephard"

"THE DECONSTRUCTION OF DR. JACK SHEPHARD" I have a confession to make. I must be one of the few fans of the ABC series "LOST" (2004-2010) who did not dislike the series' lead character, Dr. Jack Shephard. Before anyone makes the assumption that he is a favorite character of mine, let me make one thing clear. He is not. But for some strange reason, I never disliked Jack. I still do not.

Throughout most of the series’ run, many "LOST" fans had consistently ranted against Jack’s faults. Mind you, he was not the only flawed character in the series. In fact, most of the major characters seemed to possess some very serious flaws. Jack Shephard seemed to be one of very few characters that had drawn a considerable amount of ire from the fans. I do not know why he was been specifically targeted by these fans. But I cannot help but wonder if the combination of Jack’s role as the series' lead character and his flawed personality had set fans against him. Now, someone might claim that my last remark sounds ridiculous. As I had earlier pointed out, most of the major characters are also seriously flawed or have committed some serious crimes. Extremely flawed characters like John Locke, Jin Kwon, Michael Dawson, Kate Austen, Miles Strume, Ana-Lucia Cortez, Charlie Pace, Sayid Jarrah, James "Sawyer" Ford, Sun Kwon, Boone Carlyle, Mr. Eko, Juliet Burke and Shannon Rutherford. Hell, the list was practically endless. And yet, the only other character who had received as much criticism or hate as Jack was Ana-Lucia Cortez. Why? Well, I have my theories. Both Jack and Ana-Lucia had assumed leadership among the castaways at one time or the other, due to their personalities, circumstances and professions. Ana-Lucia assumed leadership of the Tail Section passengers that crashed on one side of the island and remained stuck there for forty-eight (48) days. Since Day One of the Oceanic 815 crash, Ana-Lucia had stepped up and utilized her skills as a police officer to save lives and make decisions when no one else would. Jack, a spinal surgeon, did the same with the surviving passengers from the Fuselage Section on the other side of the island. In one early Season One episode, (1.05) "White Rabbit", he seemed willing to back away from the role of leader, until John Locke convinced him to resume it. Jack remained the leader even after Ana-Lucia and the remaining Tail Section passengers joined the Fuselage camp by the end of Season Two’s (2.08) "Collision". And it was not until after his departure from the island in the Season Four finale, (4.13/4.14) "There's No Place Like Home, Part II" with Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, Sun Kwon, Sayid Jurrah, Kate Austen and Aaron Littleton (the Oceanic Six) that he finally relinquished the position. Recalling the above made me realize something. Human beings – for some reason or other – expect leaders to know everything and always do the right thing. Always. And without fail. Humans seemed to have little tolerance toward the imperfections of our leaders. This certainly seemed to be the case for fictional characters who are leaders. And many fans of "LOST" had harbored a deep lack of tolerance toward Jack and Ana-Lucia’s personal failings. In the case of the former L.A.P.D. police officer, many fans had complained of Ana-Lucia's aggressive personality. They also accused her of being a bitch. In other words, being aggressive and hard – traits many have claimed are more suited for a man - is a sure sign that a woman is a bitch. And unlike other female characters on the series, Ana-Lucia lacked the svelte, feminine looks prevalent in productions such as the 2001-2003 "LORD OF THE RINGS" saga. Actually, gender (and racial) politics may have played a role in the fans' opinion of Jack. His main crime seemed to be that he did not fit the image of a heroic leading white male character. Physically, he looked the part. Unfortunately for Jack, he had failed to live up to those looks. He made the wrong choices on several occasions – choices that included his decision to continue Daniel Farraday's plan to set off the nuclear bomb Jughead in the Season Five finale, (5.16/5.17) "The Incident". It is interesting that many fans had dumped most the blame upon Jack’s shoulders regarding that bomb. And he was partially to blame. But those same fans had failed to remember it was Daniel Faraday who had first insisted upon setting off the bomb to reset time back to the day of Flight 815’s crash – September 22, 2004. And they also failed to recall that Dr. Juliet Burke's decision to set off the bomb for her own reasons was the final action that led to her death. Many had accused Jack of failing to be a proper parent figure to his nephew, Aaron Littleton, during his three years off the island. And at the same time, many had praised Kate Austen for pretending to be the boy’s mother. I found this rather perverse and a little disgusting, considering that Kate had set in motion the lie about her being Aaron’s mother. Jack (along with the remaining members of the Oceanic Six) was guilty of supporting Kate’s lie. But instead of criticizing both for lying about Aaron and keeping him from his Australian grandmother Carole Littleton for nearly three years, many fans had criticized Jack for not being an effective father figure to Aaron and praised a kidnapper like Kate for being a good mother. Ah, the ironies of life. Many fans had accused Jack of being emotionally abusive toward Kate. And yes, they would have every reason to criticize his behavior in episodes like (1.11) “All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues”. But Kate’s own behavior in episodes like (1.12) “Whatever the Case May Be”, which featured her constant lies and attempts to manipulate him and others, occasionally triggered his temper. If one character is going to be criticized for the situations I have previously described, the other character involved should be criticized for his or her own questionable behavior. Some of Jack's other mistakes included sanctioning Sayid’s torture of Sawyer, failure to organize a genuine search for the only child passenger from Oceanic 815′s Fuselage Section, the kidnapped Walt Lloyd, instigating that ludicrous search for Walt’s dad Michael Dawson and communicating with Martin Keamy and the other hired mercenaries aboard the S.S. Kahana. Yet, he had received more complaints about his relationship with Kate, along with his tendencies to get emotional and shed tears than for anything else. Once again, many “LOST” fans managed to prove that we still live in a patriarchal society. It was okay for female characters to shed tears in very emotional moments, but not male characters. Especially if that one male character happened to be the series’ leading character. Jack's penchant for tears was not the only sign of how some fans can be hypocritical. I have written articles criticizing some of the series' other characters. Most of my articles have criticized Kate Austen. I will be honest. I used to dislike Kate very much. However, my dislike of her has finally abated - somewhat. Most of my dislike had stemmed from her past flaky behavior and especially from the fans’ tendency to excuse her mistakes and crimes . . . or pretend that she had never done anything wrong. However, Kate was not the only character given this leeway. James “Sawyer” Ford had murdered three people – one in Australia and two on the island - within a space of two to three months. Yet, many fans had made constant excuses for his actions. I never disliked Sawyer. But I have complained about his flaws, mistakes and crimes on numerous occasions. When I did, many fans had pretended that he had done anything wrong. And to this day, I still find this frustrating. Sometime back in Season Two or Season Three, actor Matthew Fox and the show’s producers, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, made it known to the media and viewers that they were doing something different with the Jack Shephard character. They took a superficially heroic type – a brilliant surgeon that assumed leadership of a group of stranded castaways – and deconstructed him. In other words, they slowly but surely exposed his flaws and took the character to what could be viewed as the nadir of his existence. Jack eventually climbed out of that existence by the series’ last season. But certain fans on many "LOST" message boards and forums made it clear this was not a path they had wanted Jack to take. Instead, these fans had wanted – or demanded that Jack behave like a conventional hero. During most of Season Six, Jack had managed to avoid indulging in self-destructive behavior. He also refrained from displaying any inclination to pursue a romance with Kate. The worst he had done was engage in a temper tantrum over his discovery that the island’s spiritual "man" Jacob had been observing and possibly interfering in the lives of several castaways. Another personality change I noticed was that he had passively allowed others to take the lead without questioning their decisions. I must be honest. I never liked that particular period in Jack's emotional makeup. It made him seem like a mindless moron. Did Jack finally become the hero that so many had demanded, when he saved the island in the series finale? Apparently, those responsible for the Emmy nominations believed he had. Why else did they finally nominate Matthew Fox for a Best Actor in a Drama award, after the series' final season. Mind you, Fox had been giving outstanding performances since the first season. But when Jack finally became a likable and somewhat conventional hero, they deemed Fox worthy of an Emmy nomination. Dear God. Personally, I never did care about Jack Shephard's status as a hero. Nor did I really care for his passive behavior in Season Six. But I did hope that he had finally discovered some inner peace for himself. And I believe that he did during the series’ final moments.

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pitiless-achilles-wept · 3 years

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Not dead yet!: Marking my 2-year anniversaries

On Sunday I marked my two-year “cancerversary” of my diagnosis and on Tuesday a member of the support group I co-founded (for young women who are stage 4) died. Like me, she had triple-negative breast cancer. Like me, she was diagnosed stage 4 two years ago. Like me, she had exhausted several types of treatment (because triple-negative is a beast) and was looking for the one that would work. She asked me about Saci (Sassy!) and proposed trying it to her doctor less than a week before she died. Nine days before she passed she joined our Sunday cancer yoga group from bed at the hospital to join our meditation exercises. Like me, she remained confident and positive and absolutely refused to give up hope. (Like me, she also wore her hair purple sometimes.)

There were many things that are unlike about us too. She had two teenage children who now don’t have their mother. She was twelve years older than me and had had Hodgkin’s before she had breast cancer--even worse luck than mine, to triumph over one cancer only to get this diagnosis. Unlike me, she wasn’t strong enough for Saci, the only targeted triple-negative line of treatment, because her body had reacted badly to immunotherapy. She was in the hospital for two weeks with somewhat mysterious symptoms all of which added up to her body shutting down. On Saturday she went home with her family in hospice care. 2 days later she was gone.

It’s not usual for things to go so fast. Typically, doctors, patients, and family members all have some advance warning and patients spend a solid amount of time in hospice care. I am sure that people will ask me why it went that way for her. I’m asking myself why too, since it is so shocking and so entirely unfair. The fact that it can happen that way at all is frightening to me as a fellow patient since it’s the scenario of nightmares. That really could someday be me. No one ever wants to think that--and I cannot live my life focused on it either--but it has to be acknowledged as a possibility.

[More below the cut about memories from 2 years ago today and hopes for the future. Also, an invitation to contribute to some writing if you want.]

Today, January 28th, is the 2-year anniversary of my stage 4 diagnosis. In a way, it feels more significant than my initial cancer news. I had four days being horrified, but thinking that I would get through this as a phase in my life. It would be terrible--I’d have a double mastectomy, scorched-earth chemo, radiation, anything to get rid of the cancer--but then it would be done. On the Monday following my first set of CT scans I learned that that was not true. My lungs were full of tumors. (Later, after lots of waiting, MRIs and biopsies, I'd find that my lymph nodes, spine, and liver were affected too. I still have tumors in all those locations, but no new ones.) I wrote a description of getting that news in an email to a friend over the summer, after I had read Anne Boyer’s "The Undying”:

“The worst part about the lung tumors for me was that my dad had gotten a very early flight and I learned the news while he was in the air. My mom told me we could not text or tell him on the phone, that he would need to be with us both. So I drove to Newark straight from the doctor's office. It was in the teens outside and windy as we slogged to the baggage area where we were to meet. I saw my dad in his warmest and ugliest puffy orange down jacket, looking small in it, forlorn and horribly vulnerable. I fell into his arms, thinking at least that airports were such horrible places, so impersonal and banal, that no one would look twice. 'It's in my lungs,' I said into his shoulder so that I would not have to see his face. I was crying into the jacket that somehow smelled of winter cold even though he had been inside for hours. 'Please, Daddy. Fix it, please.' I spoke like a child because, on some very deep level, I think I really did still believe that my father could fix anything. I was embarrassed, though, and so I tried to stem my tears as he put his big hand on the back of my head and said, 'Oh sweetie, we'll get through this. We will.' I knew that really he could do nothing--and that this was his nightmare of powerlessness--and so I sniffed and blinked and I did not let myself cry again until June.”

Two years later this moment seems as if it just happened. The impact of my diagnosis on everyone dear to me, and especially my parents, is one of the worst things about it for me. We all know that there’s only so much “better” I can get, with the current science, and we’re all playing for time while the research moves forward towards something better, something that would make this a treatable chronic condition. I go back and forth, emotionally, on how likely I think that is and how good my position is for the future. Right now, comparing myself to the group member who died, I feel relatively fortunate, even as chemo exhausts me, I lose every scrap of hair that was ever on my body, and I spend half of my days being almost unable to eat from nausea and loss of taste. I feel glad that I was able to get Saci, that my body has so far stood up to the ceaseless trials I have put it through, with four treatments and surgery (and full-time work and living alone etc. etc.). I feel strong, not scared, even as I feel the emotional toll of terrible loneliness from covid isolation, winter, and carrying a sick body through my days alone.

I do not love the “fight” metaphor because so much of having an illness is completely out of your control and I never want to take myself (or anyone else) to task for “losing.” And so instead I will praise my body for enduring. I will praise myself for my enduring also, in both an emotional and physical way. I checked back in on how I was feeling as this anniversary approached last year and was pleased to see how much better I feel about it now, partly as a function of being in a treatment that is (likely) keeping me stable rather than in the midst of choosing another new one. Here is what I wrote back to my group of friends in November 2019, the run up to the one-year mark:

“I’m feeling like I can’t plan and don’t want to celebrate, like I can’t perform “fine” for the people in my life to spare them from the pain I’m causing by not doing better and feeling horrible about it. Perhaps it would help if I let them know that they didn’t need to perform “fine” for me? I understand the desire to protect me from the obligation to take care of them and appreciate it. But sometimes it can feel like I’m the only one experiencing anger or grief or pain, though I know I’m not. Feeling so isolated in my emotional response provides no catharsis for it. Compassion and sympathy function on the notion of “fellow feeling.” If you’re just out here, feeling by yourself, you can’t expect any comfort. As always, I think of the moment in the Iliad when Priam and Achilles cry together over dead Hector. Grief (and you can grieve for many things aside from a death) is something explicitly to be shared.” So I guess I’ve shared it here. I can do that. And I can do another thing, which is to tell you I love you. People don’t really say it enough and reserve it too entirely for romantic contexts. It’s weird--it’s not like we are wartime rationing love! And every time anyone says it to me it helps. It’s an affirmation that I am integral in some way to people’s lives which, in a society that so greatly valorizes marriage/partnership and children, is something I can be in doubt about.”

There are some things I like here, though, and that I would now like to reiterate and invite you, my far-flung friends, to do for my 2-year milestone. Never has the notion of “fellow feeling” in times of grief and depression hit harder or been more important than during covid. In a way, the nation (or even world) was forced into much the same position, emotionally and practically, that my cancer put me in. People are isolated, unable to perform “fine” and wondering if other people feel the same way, or even if any of us can take care of each other at all. I am here to tell you that you can. Maybe not immediately but--sooner than you think--you can. Emotional reserves may be low but reaching out to support someone else can actually replenish them. You do not have to feel alone, or to feel, alone.

And for me, for this milestone and for the cancer-related depression that I certainly do have, I’d like to invite you to help me, so that I can do the same for you. I invite you to write something about how this milestone feels for you (either about me or not), how it relates to all the other insane things going on in the world or with you (not about me at all), how you felt on the original day when I shared my stage 4 diagnosis (definitely about me)--really anything that is on your mind or in your heart.

“Oh great,” you may think, “the English PhD has asked us to do homework!”. But no! It's up to you what you do. Write in whatever form you want, however long, even anonymously. And if you do I will write you back! Not with grades or comments, but with something to connect to what you shared. It is a way to create fellow-feeling; to open up, connect, heal. With me, yes, but also as the group of extraordinary people who have gone with me so far on this hard road. It’s a very different proposition to support someone through time-limited treatment with a good outcome than it is to sign on for whatever comes next. You are all, truly, pretty extraordinary.

Anyone who wants to send a note or reflection can email me or drop a file or post in this Google drive folder. Like I said, feel free to share whatever and do it anonymously if you’d rather. You can also askbox me here (better than DMS) or submit a post to this blog. (I'm taking a chance with open DMs for now...we'll see if that needs to change.)

I am grateful for all of you every day, but especially today.

Love, Bex

p.s. The title of this post refers to the cinematic classic "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," a film my high school self and friends loved. They, along with other wonderful folks. gave me a "cancerversary" cake with "Not dead yet, motherfucker!" on it this Sunday. p.p.s. The average life expectancy for people who get this diagnosis is 18 months to 3 years. Hitting 5 years would be extraordinary. Starting Year 3 is a huge deal and I have every intention of being extraordinary. (Never been average at anything in my life...I either succeed spectacularly or fail epically!)

#my life as a cancer patient #cancerversary #stage 4 #mbc #metastatic breast cancer #personal #memories #bex writes #writing invitation #quarantine life

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hel7l7 · 3 years

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I just put this on my wall and felt like sharing. I never really type out any captions aside from the lines used in my art. But this one felt important. Even if it’s just for myself to look back on later. NOTHING IS GONNA FILL THAT VOID. As a kid, my emotional needs were not met. There where moments where I did get some sort of safety or support and moments where all I did seemed to be wrong, too much, or not good enough. Growing up I’d missed the care and safety from my parental figures and when I was 12 this got made clear all over again. It left a void. I find myself trying to fill that void over and over again. Each mentor or therapist becomes some sort of replacement of the parental figures I missed in my life. I cling onto people like my life depends on it. I feel like I NEED them and as if I cannot live without. Goodbye’s kill me because I feel small all over again - I fall back into the feeling of being alone and needing someone who wasn’t there. I don’t want to feel the void that it all left me with. BUT I CANNOT ESCAPE IT. No therapist, partner, mentor, friend, whatever is ever going to fill that void. I missed care and love when I needed it most. And I will live with a longing for that forever. But when I feel that void - and feel the need to reach out to anyone who might make it better for a second, I’ll have to remind myself. It’s not going to fill it. It’s not going to heal the pain. No one can take care of me in the way I expect them too. I’m not a child anymore. I cannot wait for that anymore. It’s unrealistic and harmful. Relationships that end up being void-masking always end with me losing my mind over unmet expectations, extreme dependency, and an even stronger fear of abandonment, making me lash out quicker or resort to self destructive behavior - not to make them stay, but to make myself feel somewhat secure. And I can’t keep repeating that same cycle. I fall less deeply into the illusion each time it happens now - yet it still adds upon the layers of self hate and shame. I want to be able to experience real fulfilling relationships, no distractions to “fill” my void. I want to have a therapy-bond with trust but without the transference. To have a therapist to work with, not to depend on or to wish for them to be my parent. My worst experience with this was with the person tagged “M.” On my tumblr. That really messed me up. Oh how I long to learn. I want to teach myself kindness. I want to rely on myself and have faith in who I am and what I do. I want to stop doubting myself. And turn to that inner void and see it, acknowledge it, grief the loss of missing something I never really had, accept the longing for what won’t ever be. I want to learn how to soothe myself in times of ache and chaos. I wish to find a way of healing. To not depend on the destructive ways of coping that kept me alive for so long. And therefore a reminder. NOTHING IS GONNA FILL THE VOID. I can text them, I can reach out to everyone or everything that will temporary fix it all, but in the end that void won’t be filled, it will be masked only to grow deeper the longer you turn away from it. Maybe it won’t need filling, just acknowledgement, compassion, - anything that isn’t the same hurt that caused it in the first place.

#Instagram #lol for some reason this is real scary to post #also i can't make the caption shorter #bcs tumbrl does not let me edit my post on my laptop bcs i created the post in the tumblr app?#like come on #ok #voids #bpd #void #personality disorder #attachment disorder #transference

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heckinhacker · 4 years

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Heyy may i request bff headcanons for Kyle, Cartman, Craig & Tweek? If that’s too much characters, then just Kyle please :)

Kyle, Cartman, Craig and Tweek - Best Friends Forever headcanons!

A/N: Honestly, south park is rare on this blog so no, no problem at all! Wanted to write it sooner but writer’s block T~T’

Rest is under the cut cuz it might get long-

Kyle Broflovski

As I always say, South Park is a shithole and finding some REAL friends might be hard.

Kyle sometimes doubts his own existence, or everyone else’s. Literally. That’s how bizzare things are happening here.

He cannot trust anybody, maybe Stan only. But sometimes he doubts him too. (Brutal truth)

So seeing someone honestly concerned about him, and being stubborn at it, would make him soften up pretty quickly.

As long as you’re not a Cartman, you’re fine.

Maybe he didn’t start right off bat to spill his secrets out, but he invited you to hang outs more often when he realised you’re fine.

The most of trust he shows when he invites you over his place. Without anyone else. Just you two.

Nothing over-friendly line, you just laugh at stupid youtube videos, share some memes, tell some stories you somewhere read or heard. Friend things.

If you prefer to stay inside, say goodbye to the comfort of your room. Kyle LOVES long walks, and he forces you to go with him. “It’s more healthy than ‘taking a walk’ simulator, [Y/N]!”.

Long walks - long talks.

Kyle never shuts up. No matter what. You know something’s wrong when he does.

Kyle realised you’re his BESTIE FOR LIFE when Hanukkah was hitting close in the calendar. That time of the year he talks to noone since everyone celebrates Christmas.

But you? You, beside spending time with family, decided to gain some knowledge about Hanukkah.

You searched in the internet, asked Kyle’s parents, you just tried your best. And decided to surprise your best friend with Hanukkah gifts. Well, if you’re at it, you should get something for his parents and Ike too.

Your pocket money cried fo mercy, but you had none.

Everyone expected your arrival but Kyle.

And boy, was he emotional?? He had TEARS in his eyes. But he’d never addmit that.

After that he’s loyal to you as FUCK.

Anyone picks a fight with you? No need to strain your arms, Kyle is already at it.

Someone made you sad? Emotional support Kyle right away.

Cartman always teases you that you love yourselves so much you should date!

But you’re both comfortable with things the way they are now.

Eric Cartman

From this four? The easiest one to befriend.

Noone really stays around enough to get to know the deepest of him for him to call someone best friend.

But here you are.

Cartman is not very secretive when he likes someone. He just brags and brags about himself and his most private things. Just because he’s that egocentric.

Not the best of friend material, really? His advices are shitty, mostly he’s the reason you’re sad or hurting, but you just stay beside him anyway, God knows why but he doesn’t.

When he’s NOT the reason you want to cry, you can sit beside him and cry yourself out, he’d let you lean on his shoulder. Maybe he’d be silent, but he’d hear you out.

If that’s what you want, he’s more than enough.

Please don’t be chaotic duo with him one Cartman in South Park is enough.

BUT if you’re as rude as him, South Park is done with you two. You’re inseparable.

Miss Cartman loves you as much as her own child, she’s just so grateful someone takes care of her Eric and is not here only for...any other reason.

You’re the only one person that Cartman knows that when picks on him and laughs at him, it’s for jokes, never for reals.

That’s why he’s the most comfortable with you, to be honest.

Too lazy for walks, but will go out when he has some bigger purpose than just wandering around, doing nothing.

Craig Tucker

Almost the hardest to befriend. He’d be the most difficult, but we have Tweek on the list.

Feels bad.

Noone had any clue WHY are you trying so hard. Even his group sometimes have hard time figuring Craig out.

He was very cold to you at first.

He was worried you’d put him through some weird shit, like main four did. And he’d hate that.

If you want to befriend him, you have to get trust of Token. At least.

Don’t start with Clyde, Clyde likes everyone (almost), so you’d be nothing new, Craig will still ignore you.

When Token, on the other hand, says you’re cool, you have to be. Craig would groan, but would try ot hang out with you normally. Well, as normal as he can.

You knew he acts somehow different, so you held into that thought, trying to get to know him even further.

“Why are you trying so hard?” - he’d once ask you when you stayed behind, when Craig was packing his things the slowest. You were alone.

“ Well, you’re always beside people, but you still look alone. That looks like it hurts, so I want to help to stop it.”

“Weird.” he just answered and started walking out of classroom, you beside him.

Well you weren’t wrong? He bottled his emotions inside, with noone to know about that. Even himself.

“He’s just like that”, they’d say.

Maybe he is, but he still has to have some kind of emotions, right? He’s a human being, after all.

Maybe his emotional needs are not as big as for others, but they do, indeed, exist.

Best advice giver. Plus he can help you out of panic attack. He’s REALLY good at it. He’s best friends with Tweek after all.

If you make him actually more than tolerate you, trust me you’re safe and sound with this dude.

Rely on Craig Tucker.

He’s a ‘stay inside’ type of dude too. Watch some things together in silence, talk a little but not too much, just...vibing together.

Unlike Tweek, he’s okay to go outside though. To take some photos maybe, take in fresh air.

Pro tip: never make small talks with him. He hates them.

Tweek Tweak

my absolute favouritest boi

The hardest to befriend out of everyone. Literally.

He has big, BIG trust issues.

Don’t force him into anything. Seriously.

Small steps. Baby steps, even.

Try to hang around him in Tweek Bro’s. Or at school where others are at.

Never try to be with him alone at the beggining. Dude will freak out.

He generally freaks out when he notices you being around him most of the time.

“Y-you having any problem?? I’ve got an eye on you, you won’t kidnap me! My friends already know who to suspect when I’m-!”

“Tweek.”

“Wh-What?!”

“I don’t want to kidnap you, man. I just want to see how you’re doing.

“...oh.”

Still doesn’t trusts you, but relaxes. You’re in public place, after all. Many other people would see if you’d plan something on him.

It takes a shitton of time for him to warm up to you. You see every single sign of him trusting you.

Inviting you to hangouts with friends? Small step.

Asking if you’d come when he’s working? Even bigger step.

Damn, noone’s here beside you? He invited only you? Friendship points!!

You know he considers you as a friend when he invites you over to his house. He never did that. When he asks if you want to come, you almost cry.

You took your time and got sweetest boy as a friend.

He notices the smallest changes in you, so when you’re feeling down by even slightest, he’d point that out.

Advices are almost pointless, he cannot help himself, so helping others is even worse, but he tries to act like Craig acts when you open up to him.

It’s so noticable you smile right away. Tweek tries his best.

He sometimes gives you free coffee. “It’s on me”, he says. He’s scared of what will his dad say, but you can count it as a payment. He doesn’t get paid for three people’s work on his shoulders, so he has rights to do what he wants.

Prefers to stay inside.

Big events and parties are a big no-no.

He can force himself into big event happening somewhere close to South Park, but parties are NEVER an option.

I’ll just mention, but boy do I hate Tweek’s surrname?? It feels like he’s a joke but he’s so important to so many people it’s sad-

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milf-lover42 · 4 years

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Bellatrix and Azula are the same character, change my mind

As most people can tell, Bellatrix Lestrange is my all time favorite character. I might get new favorites every time I watch a new show, and they all share a general similarity (let’s face it… I have a type, and if you’re reading this here on tumblr dot com… you do too, don’t lie). However, no character has ever come close to beating Bellatrix for top spot. And then I watched A:TLA for the first time a few weeks ago. I didn’t watch it as a kid, I was just young enough (2003 babeyy) that I wasn’t watching tv when it was on. Azula is obviously my favorite from this show, and is also the only character to ever come close to Bellatrix’ spot in my heart. But thinking about this and all the headcanons that people have made for the Black family dynamic… it seems like a pretty straightforward connection. Azula is essentially just a young Bellatrix.

Almost all of these Black family headcanons have been taken from fanfictions I have read over the years, and so the credit goes to their respective authors. Many overlap so I cannot pinpoint each author to each one, and it has been a while since reading some of them. Most notable of these would be Glass Silence by Zarrene Moss. There are many more fantastic stories I have drawn from but I couldn’t remember every fanfiction I’ve read to pick out each detail. For all the Azula stuff, I am drawing from Hello Future Me’s video on Youtube “The Psychology of Azula | Avatar: The Last Airbender”. If you want to spend an hour watching that I highly recommend it. Basically none of this is mine, I’m just using the headcanons and research of others to tie Bellatrix to Azula.

Let’s start with their family dynamics. Bellatrix is the oldest of the Black sisters, and has no brother. Although not stated in canon, (because apparently she’s too minor a character to deserve a backstory) it is presumed that all the duties of a male heir fell to her in a way. Marry young and marry a rich pureblood, carry on the family name and power, and secure a high social standing. Pureblood society is extremely archaic, if the treatment of muggle-borns is anything to go by, so we can safely assume that they are a very patriarchal society. Cygnus and Druella Black almost certainly wanted a son to carry on their name, especially given Walburga and Orion had both Sirius and Regulus. We can also assume that they weren’t exactly the kindest parents. At best, Druella was a silent wife subjected to abuse from her husband and ultimately was unable to keep her children safe; at worst she actively joined Cygnus in abusing their children. Each of the sisters have a unique way of dealing with this.

Andromeda handled it by running away, completely rebelling. She fell in love with Ted Tonks, a muggle-born. I doubt this in itself was an act of rebellion, I think she simply realized how stupid blood supremacy was after speaking to him. Once she fell in love it’s clear she wanted to break away from her family so that she could marry him. Clearly her parents knew, and it’s likely she told them herself. Given Ted was a muggleborn I can’t imagine her parents reacting with a simple, “No he is beneath you, we forbid it.” They probably acted harshly in an attempt to make it stick in her head that the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black would not associate with m*dbloods. Either she ran away or was kicked out, but either way she stayed with Ted and didn’t listen to her parents.

Narcissa shut off and blocked all her emotions. Obviously as an adult she actively practices the same beliefs her parents did, but as a teenager I don’t see this as being who she was. As an adult she is very cold and unemotional. The only person she truly cares about is her son, Draco. She cares about Bella still, she just doesn’t show it because she wasn’t allowed to as a child. As for her feelings toward Lucius... it is unclear. Depending on where you stand, she either could have been forced into a marriage with him, or they were in love as teenagers and got lucky enough that their parents arranged for them to marry each other. My personal opinion is they were forced. I think Lucius was supposed to be married to Andy but when she ran away, the Blacks had to hold up their end of the deal with the Malfoy’s and so Narcissa was married off to him. She embodies the whole “Ice Queen” personality. In order to cope with the trauma and her unwanted marriage, she just blocked all emotion to keep herself sane, only showing it for Draco.

And then we come to Bellatrix. Bellatrix, who had too many expectations to live up to, so many roles to fill, and no positive reinforcement from parents who just abused her if she messed up. She felt everything. She was the oldest and cared greatly for her younger sisters, and probably did her best to take any of the abuse that was going to be given to Narcissa or Andromeda. She used herself as their shield because they were the most important thing to her. Even after joining Voldemort and going insane she makes it very clear how she feels about Narcissa. Bellatrix would follow Voldemort's orders to the ends of the Earth, but the second she is asked to trust Snape, she says that Voldemort has made an error in judgement. Cissa wants to go to him and ask him to keep Draco safe, but Bellatrix advises against this. Only when her sister is in potential danger does Bellatrix doubt her master. Even at the height of her insanity her sister is the most important thing to her. We can assume as a child she felt the same for Andy. In fact in my opinion she never really stopped caring about her until Azkaban, I think she pretended to hate her when she came out about Ted Tonks, but only did so so that Andy would run away and live her life with the man she loved. She was safer away from their parents anyway. It didn’t matter if Bellatrix thought negatively about muggle-borns; she just wanted her sister to be safe. After going insane however, she truly seems to hate Ted for being a muggle-born, and she kills their half-blood daughter Nymphadora.

In order to cope with the trauma of her childhood Bellatrix used all of those emotions as fuel for her magic. She is an incredibly powerful witch and is massively intelligent (although why she didn’t just use Legilimens on the Golden Trio will baffle me forever… it would have been so simple…). However because of this coping mechanism, she is driven insane. It’s not instant, in fact it probably took years (probably that stint in Azkaban, lads) for the insanity to fully develop and take hold. All of that exposure to Dementors would have forced her to relive the trauma of her childhood over and over, while taking away the happy memories of her sisters.

Bellatrix was given a support system to break away from her family. Now it’s not a good or healthy one, but it is one nonetheless. After being treated so poorly by her parents, and forced into a marriage with Rodolphus, she needed freedom. When Tom Riddle comes along and praises her skill and offers her a spot as his best lieutenant? Of course she’s going to take that. Finally some recognition, and a good amount of safety. Not to mention missions and tasks given to her and others to her husband that mean she doesn’t have to be around him. Bellatrix was mistreated by her father and mother, but probably always wanted her father’s recognition. Her mother probably preferred Narcissa because she could be groomed into the perfect pureblood wife. Bellatrix latched onto Voldemort to gain recognition, praise, and power. But I can imagine as a teenager, having a complete breakdown at least once, especially after being told she’d be married off to Rodolphus. Demolishing her room with magic, windows breaking, personal items being thrown either by hand or by magic, and screaming and crying at the end. Very similar to Azula’s breakdown in her final scene.

Now we come to Princess Azula. She has an older brother, Zuko, but is always given the limelight. She receives a ceremonial headpiece that she is always seen wearing, but Zuko does not. He might be the boy, but he isn’t expected to take the crown. Azula is even named after her grandfather Azulon, who was Firelord. She was always expected to be the next Firelord over Zuko. Her future was never her own. She is a firebending prodigy, always showing off her skills, whereas Zuko falls behind. She is favored by her father Ozai for sure, but she is never truly praised. She is simply a means to an end to him. She was always expected to be the best. Although it isn’t shown in the TV series, in the A:TLA comics Ursa and Ozia’s relationship is depicted as abusive. He cuts her off from her family saying that he is all she will need.

There are theories as to whether or not Azula has a Machievellian personality type, or ASPD or NPD that could have been a root cause of her diminishing sanity, and after looking into those they seem very plausible. She lacks empathy, she emotionally manipulates everyone, and she has a messed up sense of right and wrong. Altruism just doesn’t make sense to her, and emotions are not genuine, simply stories made to get your way. Ursa rewards empathy, love and trust, which is why she clearly favors Zuko. But Ozai rewards power, cunning, and loyalty. They are complete opposites so it is not possible to please both of them. If she has any of these mental disorders it would be impossible to please her mother, so she focused on making her father proud. But Ozai never really shows any level of praise towards her, so she constantly tries to better herself. If she isn’t perfect, she’s failed.

At the end of A:TLA, Ozai forces her to stay behind in the Fire Nation. He says it’s because they need a Firelord because he will be leaving. Azula is disappointed to not partake in the final battle, but it’s what her father wants, so she obeys. However, he only leaves her so that he can become the supreme leader of everyone, or “Phoenix King”. Azula doesn’t really get a promotion, just a fancy name. In the finale, she is shown as her mental state quickly deteriorates. Her perfect image is gone, her hair is not up, her makeup undone, and she is paranoid that everyone is out to get her. This is the beginning of her breakdown. When she is unable to put her hair up by herself, she cuts her bangs. Her hair is all of a sudden asymmetrical, which is unheard of. She then starts to hallucinate. By the time she fights Zuko and Katara she is extremely unstable, and the fact that she can actually still bend is incredible, because it requires control of your emotions. She instead manages to use her emotions to fuel her bending. At the end when she is defeated, she finally breaks. Her bending is out of control, and she is left screaming and crying.

Azula never had anyone take her under their wing and give her the recognition she craved. Zuko had Iroh. Bellatrix had Voldemort. If Azula had been introduced to someone like Voldemort she would have gone down the same path as Bellatrix. Likewise, if Bellatrix hadn’t been introduced to Voldemort she would have ended up broken just like Azula. Their stories aren’t identical obviously, but there are some strong parallels that place them together, so I can see them as the same person with different outcomes to their story.

Does this stupidly long character analysis have any significant purpose? Nah, not at all. But like… I’m clearly right so… yeah.

#bellatrix black #bellatrix lestrange #azula #princess azula #azula deserved better #A:TLA #A:TLA azula #bellatrix black lestrange #druella black #cygnus black #narcissa malfoy #andromeda tonks #guys im not crazy i swear #i just feel passionately about these characters #bellamione

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mycandylovedaily · 4 years

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Hey, your hc's are amazing 💖 can i request a hc about how it wold be get married with Castiel and Nathaniel? Like, proposing, planning the wedding, honeymoon, etc. Love you 💖

Hey, babe! I'm very grateful for your support, love you 💖

Castiel:

Proposing:

• Castiel will be hesitant to propose to you, as he is afraid of rejection.

• You are the woman he loves and he cannot imagine himself marrying anyone other than you. So, if you reject him, he will be devastated.

• Castiel buys a ring to order. He knows you don't care about it, but he wants to impress you.

• He will do this when the two of you are absolutely alone at home. He doesn't like an audience in that kind of situation.

• Castiel will be face to face with you and will look you in the eye intensely. A few seconds of silence will pass before he finally makes the request.

• "Will you marry me, Candy?" He asks in a slightly shaky voice as he opens the small box containing the ring.

• If you say yes, then he will be the happiest man in the world.

• Castiel will hug you while whispering sweet words in your ear. He's very grateful to have you in his life.

Planning:

• I imagine that Castiel will let you decide most of the details.

• He will only want to give his opinion when it comes to the playlist that will play at the wedding.

• Still, if you ask him for his opinion on something, he will help you choose.

• Castiel will spend a lot of time thinking about whether or not to invite his parents to the occasion. Finally, he ends up deciding that he does.

• The suit that Castiel chooses is composed only of dark colors. And, even though he doesn't feel comfortable with this type of clothing, he struggles because it is a very important date.

Wedding day:

• Lysander is Castiel's best man, of course. There is no way to be someone else.

• Despite trying to disguise, Castiel's hands tremble as he waits for you at the altar.

• Lysander mutters a few words of support to try to calm his friend down.

• However, all of this becomes useless when Castiel finally sees you walking to the altar, accompanied by your father.

• He definitely believes that this is the most beautiful sight he has ever had in his life. You are completely stunning and Castiel starts to wonder what he did so well to deserve an amazing woman like you.

• This is one of the rare times that you will see Castiel blushing.

• The kiss you share is slow and passionate. He holds the sides of your face gently.

• Castiel's mother is extremely emotional and she does not hesitate to crush you in a hug, wishing you both congratulations.

Honeymoon:

• His parents commented on a number of places you could both go, given their travel experience.

• Castiel leads a very hectic life due to the Crowstorm, so he prefers to spend his honeymoon in a more peaceful place.

• You both visit all the sights and attractions that the city can offer.

• In the end, Castiel ends up buying several useless objects along the way simply because he wants a reminder of that very special moment.

• He also buys one of those matching bracelet pairs and asks if you would like to wear it. Of course, he's embarrassed and thinks he's pathetic, but those feelings go away when you say yes.

• Even though he hates photos, Castiel makes an exception for this occasion and you two quickly fill the camera's memory with pictures making funny faces and poses.

• You two make love almost every night. Only this time it is much more romantic and calm, almost as if you were made of glass. Castiel is totally in love with you.

Nathaniel:

Proposing:

• I feel that Nathaniel is a guy who plans things well in advance. He wants to make sure that everything goes well.

• So, he has been thinking for a long time about what would be the ideal time to propose to you.

• He decides to create the perfect atmosphere and occasion for the order. So, he invites you to dinner at his house.

• Despite being extremely cliché, I feel that Nath would spread candles and rose petals on the floor. He really wants to impress you.

• He cooks the dinner. And it's delicious.

• When you least expect it, Nathaniel holds your both hands over the table and looks you straight in the eye. He's freaking out inside, you can feel it by the way his hands sweat. Poor kid.

• "Candy, I... Maybe you think it's too early, or that we're not ready, but I feel like I can't wait any longer. I love you and I would like to make you my wife. Do you want to marry me?"

• After placing the order, Nathaniel feels much more relieved. It is as if a weight has come off his shoulders.

• When you accept, he hugs you tight and refuses to let you go so soon.

Planning:

• Nathaniel is fully engaged in preparing for the ceremony. As I said before, he likes to make sure that everything goes well.

• He opines in the colors of the decoration, in the flowers, in the music, in the buffet... In everything, basically. But without imposing his opinion, of course. You two come to an agreement and decide together.

• The marriage is simple, but at the same time, extremely well done and delicate.

• I feel that Nathaniel would choose a beautiful garden as the venue for the ceremony.

• The guest list is small, only the people closest to you and Nathaniel.

• Like Castiel, Nathaniel spends a long time considering the idea of inviting his parents to the wedding. Especially Francis.

Wedding day:

• The suit chosen by Nathaniel is an intense blue, with white details.

• Although everything is perfect, he cannot stop himself from being nervous. There are several pairs of eyes over him.

• Nathaniel's best man may be Armin, if the two are still in contact. Or even Eric, due to the friendship they created over time.

• When Nath finally sees you walking to the altar, it's like everything around him is gone. He automatically calms down and focuses only on you. Your presence is reassuring to him. With you by his side, Nathaniel is sure that everything will be fine.

• He holds your waist discreetly while waiting for permission to kiss you.

• Although short, the kiss is intense and sweet. He kisses your forehead too.

Honeymoon:

• Nathaniel would like to go somewhere full of history to tell. Like Rome, or Paris.

• You both visit the city's libraries and museums. Nathaniel is in the clouds.

• I feel that Nath would also like to go hiking, or just walk through the city parks.

• You will both stay in a luxurious hotel, in one of those suites with a bathtub.

• And speaking of a bathtub: get ready to take several baths together. He loves to see your body covered in foam.

• You two constantly order wine in the hotel kitchen and share the bottle throughout the night. You must already imagine how it ends...

• Nathaniel is much more intense and shameless. He doesn't hesitate at all to make it clear what he would like to do with you in bed.

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sparkles-and-trash · 4 years

Text

My fav 3 versions/interpretations of South Park characters thing!

I’m so sorry this took much longer than anticipated, I was gonna do it Friday but then I had a panic attack for the first time in forever because my CFS have been real bad lately and I was in such bad shape my BFF had to come and smack me back to life, and Sunday was suddenly full on breakdown day, a bad BPD episode and yeah, it was rough, but today I’m doing better and I realize nobody really cares about my personal issues lol but I just have a need to excuse myself here and I realize that’s kinda dumb but here we are ANYWAYS I hope these are okay, and that these are in no way the RIGHT interpretations, just my personal favorites!

Kyle:

suggested by the wonderful @otherluces <3

I’m not gonna lie, I love nerdy, preppy Kyle. Sweater-vests, collard shirts, doesn’t realize how attractive he is Kyle, oblivious to people having crushes on him Kyle, set on Harvard to become a lawyer and fight for justice and argue for a living, yanno?

I also really like the more dorky and nerdy Kyle, where he has really niché interests that he gets totally invested in and talks about 24/7, loves reading and studying, but not just to get good results, but because he genuinly enjoys it.

The last version I can think of with him, is the tall, lanky and kinda hard to read Kyle. He keeps a lot of his feelings to himself, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. He plays basketball, he’s good at it too, and while he does well in school and everyone expects him to go into law, he has some totally different dream he keeps to himself for now. He kinda perks up a bit when in smaller crowds, esp with his cloest friends, but he still carries a lot of secrets that some time needs to come out.

Tweek:

suggested by my new fren @soft-craig-and-tweek ^^

I like Tweek in so many ways these were hard to pick, but I’mma try to narrow it down a bit and not go totally off haha

I actually quite enjoy the jagged, tired Tweek, the one who with help from friends and family manage to get off the meth his parents feed him secretly, but who still struggle with withdrawal, dark bags under his eyes, kinda pale and with sharp features, but he’s still a sweet and kind boy, a boy who wants to make the right choices and change the world to a better place, but who still has a darkness he carries, and the fact that he never gives up that fight is what makes him so special

and okay I have to be honest, I do love myself some sunshine boy Tweek. This Tweek still has issues, he is maybe even more anxious than the last one, but he’s also just as vibrant and energetic as he is anxious! He is an artist, he paints with bright colors, he composes beautiful, hopeful melodies, he feels everything so much, and he is a contagious and exciting person to be around. Cannot dress for the life of him. So much mis-match and odd outfits, but it kinda works?

The last one I’m gonna mention for this wonderful boy, is the more alternative Tweek. He writes obscure poetry, he watches too many conspiracy theory videos on youtube, he draws the monsters in his mind, and he writes the scariest, most hauntingly beautiful stories on the internet, and people online love him. He has no idea how to deal with being popular in that sense, because irl he is the type to not belong to a certain friend group, but he does go along well with most people on a surface level. Dark circles, shaky hands, crooked and cute smiles, baggy t-shirts and ripped jeans. When he first opens up to someone, he really, really does, and he will always support and be there for you. If you deserve it, that is.

Nichole:

also suggested by @soft-craig-and-tweek <3

I love nerdy Nichole who isn’t afraid to show it! Maybe she’s a streamer or youtube gamer even, I can def see her writing fanfiction, and being hella good at it too! Makes quite a name for herself online, and hangs out with the boys a lot irl, has game nights with the boys from Board Girls (even Cartman sometimes), is funny in a sarcastic way, but never mean.

Popular girl Nichole is also a favorite for me, but not in the “classical” sense. I imagine her to be a sporty, maybe on both the basket and volleyball team, captain for the basket one, she’s a born leader, she’s kind and fair, but can also be strict, and people always trust her to be honest and true.

Artsy Nichole!! I imagine her in bright yellow dresses and with her hair flowing and free, with flowers in her hair, freckles on her face, a big, genuine smile, a loud laughter that is so contagious, she loves spending time with Jimmy because they have a very similar humor, and she’s a theater kid, she sings like an angel and can act, oh boy can she act, she can make anyone laugh or cry in just a blink of an eye, she’s just a human sun-ray and I love her a lot

Butters:

suggested by @kinguidamundo, thank you so much!!

I love edgy Butters soooo much??? Like, he’s still a kind and bright boy, but he can also stand up for himself a lot more, he likes fashion a lot, he gets tattoos and piercings, he explores tons of ways to express himself, he’s a yes-dude, he goes out on dates a lot, but isn’t ready for a “real” relationship yet, but he enjoys meeting people and testing out himself around different types of people! Also he is a bi icon change my mind jk u can’t

I have a weak spot for the kind of soft and timid looking Butters too, who wears pastel colors and have big, innocent eyes, he is genuine and kind, but he carries something darker inside, something he isn’t sure how to deal with, something that scares him, but in reality it’s just normal feelings, anger, resentment and fear, but he’s lived his life ignoring them so much they catch him off guard at times. He learns to live with them slowly, and he does so with lots of help and patience from friends and loved ones.

Okay, last one, totally self-indulging here, but yeah, happy sunflower boy is also a big favorite. He is more confident than the previous version, but in a gullible way if that makes any sense? He believes the best in people, and if he is proven wrong, he’s willing to try to help them become better people, if they want to or not! This is honestly the version I love most with Stan, Butters being the ray of sunshine in Stan’s life and Stan being the realism to keep Butters grounded and them both supporting each other so much? Fuck yeah that’s the good stuff.

Clyde:

suggested by @horrorpumpkin, ty sm friend! <3

Himbo Clyde!!! Jock dude who genuinely loves sports, he’s a team player, and while he might not be super intellectual, he is very socially smart, he is kind and empathic, he is funny and likable, he always tries his best to make everyone feel included, and while he loves chicks a lot, and is a sexual dude, he does it with nothing but respect and admiration for the ladies!

Bisexual disaster Clydeeee <3 obv being bi isn’t a personality trait, but he is very open about it, he wants to be confident and good at flirting, but goddamn is he a MESS! He’s also a huge supporter of every single relationship his friends is in, he loves love, in all shapes and forms, he is emotional and kind and awkward in an endearing way.

Can’t leave out crybaby Clyde, can we now? He’s a bit of an awkward bean as well, but he owns it a bit more. He is kinda like a puppy, a cute, excitable and emotional puppy who loves his friends, video games and lazy movie nights, kinda chubby, he loves baking and does it a lot with Tweek, he is also a huge nerd for Harry Potter and totally geek out over it with Kyle and Nichole sdhlksgdhl

Kenny:

suggested by anon!

First up I guess I should put my high school AU Kenny. I know it’s controversial, but I imagine this Kenny to be more on the quiet side, but not really in a shy way. He’s just a bit of an observer who doesn’t speak unless he really sees fit, and while he still has his crude humor and is kinda rumored to be sleeping around a lot, he actually struggle with intimacy issues. He never imagined them to include sexual stuff, but turns out they do, and balancing being sexually open and curious and having these issues ain’t easy on the boy, let me tell you that.

This one is kinda heavily inspired by Luces, but I love him as kind and loyal, but also a bit more chatty and charming, but not for his own gain. He wants others to feel good about themselves, in social settings, his friends, during sexy times, he is selfless and good, but he is also living for the moment, he is a likable and wonderful guy, but he does still only REALLY open up emotionally to people he really trusts. Not traditionally attractive, but interesting looking in a way. Lots of freckles, bit of buck teeth with a big gap between his front teeth, messy kinda curly hair, long straight nose. Always wears baggy hoodies and worn out jeans, shrugs and gives that lopsided smile when people ask him about anything personal.

Mysterious Kennyyyy. You think you know him, everyone does, but in reality, very few have seen the real him. He likes people, and he likes to help them, he’s always down to listen to people’s problems and help them, he wants to inspire kids like himself to never give up and think there’s only one path for them, because he knows there is not. Volunteers at the animal shelter with Stan, works part time at Tweek Bro’s and is good buddies with Tweek. Had a early sexual debut, slept around a bit and got his heart broken unexpectedly when he was a Freshman, so there are some walls there now, but he ain’t usually one to turn down someone who’s up for it and whom with he has good chemistry either.

#kyle broflovski #tweek tweak #nichole daniels #leopold butters stotch #butters stotch #clyde donovan #kenny mccormick #south park #south park headcanon #south park headcanons #sp #South Park tag #sp kenny #sp butters #sp clyde #sp nichole #sp tweek #sp kyle

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coredrill · 3 years

Text

alright here are my rwby8 thoughts now that i’ve had a few days to sit on ‘em!! spoilers for the entire volume under the cut

so if anyone happens to open this and is like “wow this is more words than i’ve seen you use ever” lol yup! it’s probably the most words i’ve written since high school lmao. feel free to read through if ya really want but this is mostly just my own way of organizing my thoughts for this kind of stuff rather than making a million different posts on random parts of it. this way if i want to look back in the future and say “haha wow can’t believe i thought THAT” it’s all in one easy location! i don’t expect anyone else to be reading all this shite lol

thoughts on the volume as a whole:

honestly i loved it!! there’s very little that i would’ve changed and most of that is nit-picking stuff. i’m very impressed that this volume was made in quarantine lmao. the animation in and of itself was STUNNING (shout out to the finale’s water animation...the aura break particle effects...the cinnamon topography of the amity scenes...all of the facial & body expressions...the whale disintegrating...)

i’d honestly say that it’s probably my second favorite volume?? volume 4 is still my beloved but v8 was so good. i’ll probably need to watch it through a few more times but god. i LOVED IT.

honorable mention cause idk where else to put it: some of the scores were breathtaking!!! i tend not to notice background music on my first watch unless it really sticks out to me and there were quite a few scenes where that happened in a good way this volume. the ones where cinder breaks into the atlas control room and the one at the end when atlas is flooding are probably my favs!!! also there was this one part where it was just screeching over ironwood and it worked really really well.

okay so now for individual characters. let’s start with ruby:

i would like to fund her therapy

very surprised that she didn’t “break” this volume! i was sort of expecting it to happen--between ironwood, the amity plan only kind of working, the hound, the virus, and the fact that she was separated from her usual support system (qrow, yang, and jaune), i was definitely expecting her to. i’m glad she didn’t though cause it’s gonna be so much harder when she actually does (probably when she finds out that cinder has the relics and penny’s dead...)

massive shout out to lindsay jones for managing to make squeaky-voiced ruby still sound like ruby even while going through a whole host of emotions we’ve never seen ruby go through before!

god. that scene where crescent rose fell into the drink and ruby scrambled after it. my heart dropped lmao.

also. this is likely because i’ve got an engineering degree (which came with a free stick up my butt when it comes to technology in media) but the line where they say “mass no longer matters” wrt her semblance??? WHAT??? bro splitting mass up into smaller chunks doesn’t change the actual mass of the material itself what is going on here 😭😭😭 (this isn’t a real criticism of any kind i just yelled WHAT after they said that line lmao)

weiss:

i have one single weiss criticism and its that, in the scene where she’s leaving whitley to go fight the hound, she says “we still need to work on your attitude” and for whatever reason, the voice track doesn’t sound like it was quite mixed right? like it sounds like she’s just standing there rolling her eyes but my girl is BOOKING it out of the room lmao

other than that: weiss you are PERFECT. she really spent this entire volume saving and taking care of the people she loves!!! and i loved every second of it!!!

i would’ve liked to see more of her and klein/whitley/willow. i think there’s a lot of great stuff in that dynamic (not me crying when klein showed up at the manor...) and especially between weiss and her mother. i hope we get one big schneeuinon in vacuo once they + winter are all in the same location (but that’s gonna be a while i think lmao)

it’s been said a million times before but weiss?? shaking and crying but using gambol shroud anyway?? even though she thinks her teammates are all dead?? giving ruby the staff and pushing her out of the line of fire and pulling blake back to safety??? fighting cinder, a fucking wholeass maiden, with no aura because she needs to protect penny?? only unable to get up and keep fighting after she watches gambol shroud (the last physical piece she has of her teammates) go over the edge??? bro. BRO. i’m legit tearing up just TYPING THAT. god she’s gonna find her team at that island resort and never let them go. gonna be like v4 jaune all over again huh??

blake/yang:

not as much here since they didn’t get a whole lot of focus this volume, but i enjoyed all their scenes! yang just fuckin going at salem was 1000/10.

i will say...i think blake’s gonna kiss yang when they meet up in tropical paradise. and good for her!! (especially if this volume’s been planned since the beginning, it makes sense that this would be the writers’ idea for where they wanted their first kiss to be)

jaune:

going from ren saying “he has no fear. he believes that we can do this” about jaune to, five chapters later, forcing jaune to deliver a killing blow to penny was just CRUEL

the fucking dissonance of jaune haha!-awkward-renora-moment-exit vomit-boy-through-the-portals hit-in-the-head-with-a-rock arc being the one that penny asks..............bro. don’t hmu.

it’s going to be such a long time until we see him smile again.

also. the moment when crocea mors snaps in half...again, my stomach dropped.

but it’s okay! he’ll be fine without a weapon! he’s the ~strategist~! *breaks the fuck down*

it hurts so much too to think about, like oscar mentioned.....even if/when he does reunite with ren and nora, he’s not gonna be the same person he was when they last saw him. he’s not gonna be their goofy, wholesome, soft, snarky, healer team leader anymore. he just got his shit sorted out, he just stopped being actively suicidal, and tbh i think this might affect him worse than what happened with pyrrha. especially since they were compounding in his brain--what he did gave penny more of a choice than pyrrha ever got, but GEEZ.

pain. just. pain.

nora:

NORA MY BELOVED

okay. OKAY. so like she was passed out for half the volume but what we did get of her was fucking amazing

nora’s mom i am going to find you and have some words. i’ve mentioned this before but this woman has the same energy as the mom from grave of the fireflies who was like “i know we’re actively being bombed right now but i’m going to abandon my children and get myself to safety.” SQUARE UP BITCH. i hope we never see nora’s mom in the show because i will become filled with rage

but nora herself??? flawless. perfection.

i really did love her journey this volume. realizing that she wants to become her own person apart from ren, and then telling him that when he says that he loves her?? nora sweetie that was heartbreaking but i am SO SO PROUD OF YOU.

nora putting herself first for once and being told that people love her WE FREAKING LOVE TO SEE IT

except NOW that’s all gonna go haywire 😭😭😭

like...the moment in the finale where you can see she’s hesitant to leave jaune to to go vacuo but she goes anyway because he’s her leader and he doesn’t like splitting up either and she loves him and she trusts him only for her to get STUCK ON THE OTHER SIDE BANGING ON THE PORTAL. that scene fucking BROKE me. you just KNOW she’s gonna be hating herself for going through and leaving jaune (even though nobody knew it was one way!!!) and when the portal dissolves and he doesn’t come through........

she really thinks that she’s lost TWO teammates now. that’s TWO teammates that she wasn’t able to save. she saved ren from the nuckelavee but pyrrha’s dead and as far as she knows jaune’s dead too

and jaune’s her fucking family!!!!!!!

and like. when we see her on the vacuo side of the portal, we see that she’s got the happy huntresses behind her. she did her job and she gathered them but now she can’t get back through and AHHHHHH. FUCK. when she drops to her knees because she realizes.........that fucking killed me. i’m tearing up now just typing this sdmndbm

and like. the worst part is that she just realized that she wants some time away from ren. but everyone else is gone and just like when they were kids he’s all she’s got and they are gonna lean on each other harder than ever because this time they both lost EVERYTHING. not just jaune, but ruby, who was their teammate for a while too. weiss, who took such great care of nora while she was injured. penny, who nora helped with blake’s advice. yang, who ren had time to bond with this volume. FUCK

it’s gonna hurt so bad to watch but i cannot WAIT to see what nora does next and how she moves forward. god. this is gonna kill her. it’s killing ME and i’m just a viewer lmao

ren:

remember that one week where neath went on twitter and was like “i love renora and i’m gonna make that everyone else’s problem”??? yeah. that was a good week lmao

speaking of neath. MASSIVE PROPS TO HIM FOR HIS WORK. he managed to give ren every single emotion in the book this volume and none of it sounded ooc despite ren being such a repressed character before. he did incredible!!!!

I LOVED REN SO MUCH THIS VOLUME GOD. i mean i love him in every volume BUT HE HAD SO MANY GOOD MOMENTS AND SUCH A GOOD ARC

i’ve already talked about it at length but the scene where his semblance evolves is one of my favorites in the whole show. he’s so fucking full of love that it’s literally tearing him apart and when he finally accepts that fact his ENTIRE SOUL levels up!!! he looks at himself and there are pink petals falling off of him because he can’t contain the love in his body anymore!!! it’s there in a literal, physical manifestation and it’s so. fucking. GOOD. FUCK.

and also my obligatory remark about how he was thinking about oscar and pyrrha and his parents in that moment. people he loved platonically and familially. rwby goes so fucking hard for platonic love and i can’t ever thank them enough. to see ren have this realization because he was thinking about oscar.....god i’m gonna cry again LMAO

and then after that the way that he just. looks at jaune in every scene with the biggest fucking heart eyes. i’m gonna fucking combust he loves his leader SO MUCH. (which. as i mentioned in the nora section. pain now)

and the nora stuff........JUST AS GOOD

another thing i’ve talked about a lot but to see him apologize, be emotionally open, listen to what nora’s saying and what nora needs, TELL HER THAT HE LOVES HER FIRST, not holding a single thing against her, agreeing to wait for her to be ready.........literal perfection holy shit

romance is normally not one of my favorite aspects of any media but i will make an exception for whatever the fuck ren and nora got going on

basically as a ren stan / jnpr stan i was thriving this volume and then that finale hit me and i know i will be in pain until they reunite again

i have a handful of jnr gifs that i was planning to make during the hiatus but now they’re all PAIN aksjhdasjdh

oscar:

deeply worried about the quickly approaching merge. i’m really hoping that oscar and oz stay separate but i also love seeing all the animation/voice acting nuances that indicate that they’re getting closer to the merge.......AH

this volume really hammered home just how strong this kid is. he stands up to SALEM and does the right thing even despite the torture cause he’s so BRAVE and STRONG and when he trusted hazel with the password DESPITE IT ALL. ugh. so good.

i love oscar so much and i’ve loved seeing him grow!!!

penny:

serious stuff coming in the next bullet point but. GOD. her model’s head is so big and i don’t know WHY but this stuck out to me every time she was standing next to someone else. it might be because of the volume of her hair (but yang’s hair also has a lot of volume, and her head is normal sized)??? idk it just threw me off a lot. every time she was like, talking to ruby or something, all i could think about was how her head was bigger than ruby’s ENTIRE TORSO lmao. (also why didn’t they give her human body shoes skdjhaksjh)

that said.........oh, penny 😭😭😭😭😭

i’m surprised that she died but only because i thought her plot armor was pretty thick LMAO. narratively it makes a lot of sense and i’m glad her story ended the way it did.

i’ve seen a lot of people interpreting her actions in the finale as “choosing to die,” but i don’t think that’s the case?? penny’s friends all saved her every single time that she presented her own death as an option. that’s what makes this so tragic, is that they successfully saved her every time she offered that, and that in the end, she still died. she was gonna die anyway. she was impaled by cinder--jaune didn’t have enough time to heal her before cinder defeated weiss (who had no aura!!) and turned on them again. penny made her own choices when 1. she asked to die at the hands of a friend, rather than by cinder’s soul-sucking grimm arm and whatever horrible fate that includes and 2. to choose her successor. and i don’t blame her for making either of those choices! she wanted to die with as much dignity as peace as she could and to choose whose life she would be intertwined with. and while it’s very sad, i’m glad that penny finally got some sense of control over herself and her legacy.

and like...she was so happy when she met up with winter!! she was so happy to have full autonomy for once!!! that scene was both heartwarming and heartbreaking!!!

i also think that penny’s death reinforces the idea that remnant is gonna be very different by the time rwbyjnorqe is done with it. now not one but two kindhearted girls have gotten killed because they got tangled up in the maiden powers—which were originally meant to be a gift!! and i’m very interested to see what the resolution is gonna be!! (i know it’s gonna be in like. volume 52 or something alsjfndnx but still!!)

also, if nothing else, i am very glad that whole “pietro sacrifices the last of his aura to revive her” theory is gone. i hate that theory lmao

i will say, while i enjoyed penny’s role this volume, i do think that maybe some of her screentime could’ve gone elsewhere. i get that there needed to be a lot of focus on her, so that we would be attached when she died, but i think it would’ve been beneficial to spread that screentime elsewhere just a bit, especially since she wasn’t really developing at all. hitting the same point with her like seven times did start to feel a bit repetitive lol. my vote would be for extra time with the schnees, or the jn(o)r reunion at schnee manor, or maybe a scene checking in with pietro and maria!!

emerald:

EMERALD MY BELOVED

YOU DEFECTED!!!! GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!!!!

i hope we get a LOT more time with her in the future. she’s still gotta work out the cinder thing of course but i also think it’s gonna be super interesting to see how she acts now that she (alongside oscar, ren, nora, the hh, and winter) is one of the closest things their group has to a “leader”

also like........good for her for being one of the LEAST traumatized people this volume despite being THREATENED BY SALEM

somebody give emerald a nice long hug

i love her

that is all

winter:

WINTER OH MY GOD

seeing her struggle with her emotions all volume.....only to finally accept them and save marrow’s life.....and because of that choice she realizes how long overdue it was and goes all in on helping the heroes.....and is eventually chosen to become the next winter maiden by the girl who challenged her to accept her emotions in the first place......😭😭😭 chef’s kiss

“you chose nothing. this was a gift.” *demolishes ironwood but doesn’t stick around cause he’s not worth it* *fights cinder* POETIC CINEMA!!!!!

also i cannot wait to see her schneeunion with willow, whitley, and klein.......even if she does have to be the one to tell them what happened to weiss 😭

cinder:

CINDER I HATE YOU BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD VILLAIN

her backstory was pretty self explanatory but i think this was a good time to spell it out especially while we were in atlas. the culmination of that, her consistent failures to achieve her goals after v3, and watts dragging her really all just came together to make her so much more intimidating and efficient and i loved watching it.

like i know there’s people who don’t like her as a character but she’s always so fun to watch and her va does AMAZING and she’s just. so INTERESTING

also. i cannot wait for her to find out that ruby and neo are both alive (and especially when salem finds out they’re both alive LMAO)

also also her line to ruby about never being born feels.......awfully specific??? i wonder if it’s a hint at some other part of salem/cinder/ruby/summer lore (like her “and i refuse to starve” line from last volume)

also also also CINDER.......lying to salem is gonna backfire on you at one point or another.......HM

salem:

gosh i love salem. she’s such a good villain and i loved all her scenes (especially the fight scene...SO COOL).

very interested in whatever she does next!! since the only remaining lackey she has is cinder (who is now starting to try to manipulate her) and tyrian and mercury, who are in vacuo, i’m curious about her next steps. is she gonna keep recruiting, now that people know who she is?? is she gonna come to vacuo herself?? she could definitely do a WHOLE LOT OF DAMAGE with the refugee situation there, so i’m super excited to see how her next moves play out!!

hazel/tyrian/watts/merc/neo:

rip hazel. glad we were able to get an INSANE fight scene out of him before his death BUT ALSO WHAT’S WITH YOU BEATING THE SNOT OUT OF A 14 YEAR OLD HUH

listen. listen. i know merc-rescues-oscar was never a possibility BUT i still love that idea. it lives in my mind rent free!!!

i feel like mercury’s gonna be so insane after the worst road trip ever in a confined space with tyrian that he’s gonna be immediately redeemed by team sssnn and the power of himbofication upon landing in vacuo LMAO

real talk though, i am VERY interested in what happens when mercury sees emerald again and learns she defected. like, this is his friend, who he’s tried to keep safe the only way he knows how (by keeping his head down and not angering their abuser) and she got out but he didn’t. GOD. AND in the first fight she was in after defecting, she used the move that she learned by watching him!!!! that’s gonna be SO GOOD and i can’t wait to see it!!!

neo is a wildcard and i love watching her fight and i think it’s SO INTERESTING that she went over the side with rwby and jaune and i CAN’T WAIT to see what she does next.

WATTS MY DUDE. what a GOOD volume for him. like the stuff where he yells at cinder was SO COOL to see and it was so funny that he thought that wasn’t gonna come back to bite him LMAO. i think this was super fitting for him and while i like him as a villain, i think this was a good place for his story to end. i had a lot of fun watching his scenes this volume.

qrow/robyn:

I LOVE THEIR SIBLING ENERGY. robyn talking qrow down and them bonding over their semblances together was so great.

i also loved qrow’s semblance...evolving?? changing?? idk what exactly happened yet, but i know that if i too hung out with robyn hill for 48 hours straight my outlook on life would improve dramatically.

i do hope robyn makes it to vacuo soon because she will be invaluable at handling the refugee crisis there.

on the other hand, if qrow gets to vacuo and finds out that ruby and yang (and three more of his adopted kids) never made it........PAIN. oh my god it’s gonna be like summer all over again 😭😭

aceops:

did not expect to get teary-eyed when vine died. and yet i did. that “themes of death” cw on the finale was CERTAINLY SOMETHING HUH

hell yeah marrow!!! what a good boi!!! i loved his defection ofc and him going off on ironwood...chefs kiss

i hope marrow sticks with the main cast. he’s my favorite and he deserves to see his friends again!!!

as for elm and harriet, i’m not sure?? i think harriet still has a lot of work to do before she’s redeemed in my eyes. maybe they can be dropped off at beacon to help glynda fight the grimm/rebuild so that they can be back for the show’s ending but the cast is somewhat trimmed for vacuo lmao

also. i know they’re not aceops. but WHERE ARE FLYNT AND NEON ARE THE MEME KIDS OKAY

happy huntresses:

may marigold is literally perfect in every way

loved them! would’ve loved to see more of them lmao. maybe even just cutting back to them in the crater reacting to some of the stuff going on.

i very much hope we get to see them in the future! i know the vacuans aren’t gonna be happy with the atlas/mantle people showing up unannounced but i feel like if there’s anyone who’s gonna be able to earn their respect, it’s the organized-and-saved-the-lives-of-those-downtrodden-by-atlas-happy-huntresses.

maria & pietro:

okay. SO. my thoughts are either that they made it to vacuo (penny did see where amity would touch down, so it’s possible that a portal was placed in that location and they made it through) or qrow picks them up.

either way, i hope we get to see them again. I LOVE THESE TWO GEEZERS!!!

oh, pietro......... *cries*

ironwood:

not much to say here except that i loved it. i loved how he got more and more paranoid, i loved that he vaporized jacques schnee, i loved that he only went cartoon-villain at the last moment, i loved that he died unceremoniously surrounded by the thing he thought would save them all. i love that cinder got in one final chess reference beforehand. 10/10

the hound:

it feels like a lifetime ago that this guy died but holy shit. holy SHIT.

i want whitley to summon the hound!! it was an enemy that pushed him to grow, i think it would be neat!!

ambrosius:

LOVED THIS DUDE. i LOVE how his powers work!!! like, even though it’s magic, it’s so realistic because that’s how creation works!!! you gotta design the EXACT thing you want or else its gonna be fucked up!!!

like. okay. so (back on my engineering bs again lmao) for example. let’s say i’m writing a program where the user enters a number from 1-10 and it’s displayed on the computer screen. so i write whatever code i need that says “take user input and put on screen.” that’s what ambrosius did when he created the portals and the pathways between them!

and then let’s say i also put a warning to the user that says “only enter numbers from 1-10.” that would be ambrosius saying “do not fall.”

but...the user can still enter whatever they want. what happens if they put in the number 100? what happens if they type a letter? this program only puts numbers from 1-10 on screen, so who knows what’s gonna happen. and that’s what happens when people fall off the railings!!!

“oh, but you told them what numbers to enter” yeah but humans are unpredictable and ya gotta account for the human element when doing stuff like this!! team rwby didn’t account for people falling off--because why would people fall off if they were told not to? but the human element messed that up anyway!!!

anyways i’m a fucking nerd apparently but it was super cool to see that reflected in ambrosius!!! i’m a big fan!!!

like whenever people call him tricky or sneaky...no!!! he was just doing exactly what he was told to do!!!! so good!!!

also i wanna see him hang out with his sister jinn lmao

alright and here’s my thoughts/predictions for v9:

first off i just wanna say that this entire section (this entire post really, but especically this section) is just me spitballing lmao. we literally have ZERO clue what’s happening next or where they are, i’m just throwing out some stuff that’s crossed my mind! whatever crwby gives us is gonna be infinitely better than whatever i come up with lmao

that said, i have two ideas for what could be happening in madagascar.

option one is the one i’ve seen other people toss around, which is the whole wonderland-land-of-the-dead thing. i’m kinda torn on this because i think it could be good for penny’s storyline, but not really anyone else’s?? sure, yang and ruby could see summer, but weiss would see...jacques?? and blake would see...adam?? i’m not sure what weiss and blake would have to say to them/learn from them the same way ruby and yang would.

on that same idea, jaune could definitely see pyrrha, but again, i’m wondering what purpose that would serve? obviously jaune’s actions in the finale were guided by pyrrha (or specifically her mom, and realizing that pyrrha never had a choice either), but it’s clear that that’s the case for all of team jnpr, and it will be probably forever. their scene together at pyrrha’s memorial felt like they were closing the door--specifically--on their grief. on the other hand, those actions are super relevant right now and i will never turn down the chance to see pyrrha!!! it’s just free waterworks babey!!!

neo also has roman, but i can’t really see roman admitting to anyone that he got swallowed by a grimm 😭😭 just seems too embarrassing for him LMAO

for penny, i think this could work nicely. all she ever wanted was to not have her life controlled by others--kind of like alice in wonderland (the disney movie version because i am fairy tale illiterate lmao). if penny gets to exist after death in a land where she gets to choose everything for herself i think she would be very happy!

again, if this ends up being the case, crwby could 100% make it work! (and i am 0% opposed to maya model pyrrha.) i just personally am not as sold on this being the case as some others are.

option two imo is vacuo but in the past. which i know seems kind of weird BUT i have reasons!

so we know a few things about vacuo. one, it used to be an oasis and was considered a paradise until atlas and mistral destroyed it for the dust. two, it has giant motherfucking crabs that people like to eat. yes this is all i have to go off of BUT both of those things are in the end credits scene we got!

also, them landing in past-vacuo makes sense on ambrosius’ level. their “one way ticket” probably didn’t include all four dimensions of coordinates--so i could see them landing in the same x, y, and z as the official doorway, but at a different time. the creation would still do exactly what it was asked to do--drop them in vacuo.

there’s also a couple other things. “vacuo” means “in a vacuum” which i’ve heard v9 is supposed to be. also in before the dawn, sun saw some bigass magic tree that awakened his semblance which this one definitely could qualify as

(okay. side note. when i first saw the tree i thought of the glowy tree from james cameron blue people avatar. IDK WHY, i haven’t seen that movie in years??? i also had to google it to make sure i wasn’t making it up and apparently it’s called the “tree of souls.” which would also make sense if it helped sun awakened his semblance. i don’t think rwby based something off of blue people avatar, it’s probably more likely that blue people avatar is based off of some fairytale/mythology that i don’t know anything about LMAO)

i don’t actually think option two is gonna happen, but it was fun to think about!!

also either option opens the opportunity to time not passing 1:1 in current vacuo & rwby’s island getaway which???????? AHHHHH

alright so now to the actual characters lmao. i mentioned wby earlier. i honestly have no clue what neo’s gonna be up to, she’s such a wild card and i LOVE IT.

ruby and jaune is gonna be...........PAIN. NO MATTER WHAT. i have no idea how ruby is gonna react--she might just be so overwhelmed by everything that she snaps/yells at jaune which. PAIN. but she also might not?? which. ALSO PAIN. i feel like no matter what ruby does, jaune’s gonna blame himself anyway. god. i love their friendship SO MUCH and this is gonna HURTTTT

and on that, he doesn’t have ren and nora this time to pull him back from the ledge. this dude’s guilt complex is gonna go crazy especially since he doesn’t have his team and double especially if ruby/rwby blames him for what happened. god it’s gonna HURT TO WATCH.

on a wildly different note, i hope we do get to see vacuo/qrow throughout volume 9. if i go a whole volume without ren and nora i WILL cry lmao.

also it’s gonna be super interesting to see how their group fares!!! vacuo’s fuckin nuts and i’d love to see winter just destroying the grimm there (3 headed giraffe my beloved) and see how the atlas/mantle refugees handle the climate--and how the vacuans react to all of them LMAO

ALSO!!!! THE SULFER FISH WERE THERE!!! very glad to see that they’re in vacuo too because from the concept art it seems like they have super unique abilities and i’m excited that we may get to properly see them, instead of just cameos!!!

team cfvy pspspspspspsps theodore and rumpole pspspspspsps team sssnn pspspspspsps

and, of course, i gotta mention that any possible jnr reunion WILL tear my heart out and i will probably cry for days. i gotta start emotionally preparing now LMAO

alright and that wraps it up!! if anyone makes it down to the bottom props to you!! i don’t expect anyone to actually read this mess lmao. tldr: INCREDIBLE volume and i’m so hype for v9 already!!!

#f: rwby #t.txt #this took me two whole days to type lmao

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transjoyblog · 3 years

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The Many Astonishing Ways Abuse Can Affect Your Money

Photo by Darío Martínez-Batlle on Unsplash

People will use money, and your need of it, to manipulate you in various ways. Some are relatively harmless, and extremely common i.e. an otherwise neglectful parent buying their child lunch to get some time with them. However, some are more nefarious, and insidious. Here are a few common tactics people regularly use to control you financially:

Manipulation- This category is comprised of various types of manipulation including emotional appeal, constant desperation, and the use of younger siblings/dependent adults i.e. grandma against you.

Most everyone has been on the receiving end of an emotional appeal before. We use this to declare our love for each other, ask someone we have hurt for forgiveness, and so many other very positive interactions. But emotional appeal is also regularly used to try to influence a reluctant person to continue offering support with which they have become uncomfortable. A common use of emotional manipulation is for the dependent person to respond with an outburst of anger when support is threatened. They may genuinely feel that they have a right to be angry, and that may in fact be true, but that doesn't change the fact that the person providing support also has a right to their feelings, and ultimately, to their own time, energy, and money.

Another type of tactic that is very similar and often used in conjunction with emotional appeal, is for the person receiving support to be in a constant state of desperation. This person will often come to you at the end of the month to say, "Can I just borrow a couple hundred to get us through the month? I'll pay you pack the second I get paid." This is essentially asking for a payday loan from you, which we all know, is just a cycle of debt that actually benefits no one. This type of manipulation can be difficult to extract yourself from because there is probably a genuine need. However, it is ridiculous to expect anyone to loan you money on a frequent basis. If you cannot support your lifestyle on your own, reduce your lifestyle to the best of your ability.

If you have dependent family members, constant desperation becomes all that more effective. If grandma is on a fixed income, and Timmy is only 12 years old, they come with fixed expenses. Anyone knows this. And therefore, anyone should be able to plan for these expenses. If you are not living in the home, you are not responsible for grandma, or baby brother. I know this sounds harsh, and if the need is true, you can always offer other material support such as taking baby brother school clothes shopping, or asking only grandma what she might need from the store. But you do not need to provide money to people who may or may not be spending it in the way that they say they are.

Use of access to credit- Directly taking money out of an account they have access to, taking out a credit card in your name (or a joint one, if married) and using it indiscriminately or without permission.

My father was a big fan of this type of control. By the time my mother left him after 8 years of abuse, he had taken out something like 13 joint credit cards and run them all up to the limit. Not to mention all of the cards he took out in only his name or my mother's. He used my mother's maiden name and social security number to take out cards without her knowledge. He then chose to reveal the existence of these cards in moments when my mother was seriously considering leaving, claiming that if she left she would have nowhere to go because he had ruined her credit. This is obviously abusive behavior and should not be tolerated in any relationship, whether that is a relationship between adults, or a parent/child relationship. If you find yourself in a situation even close to this one, I highly recommend contacting the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org), as they may be able to provide concrete guidance on how to challenge behaviors like these in court.

Another form of manipulation could be pressuring you to take out a card and let someone else use it. This has actually happened to someone I know. Their parents put a lot of pressure on this person, basically the minute they turned 18, to take out a credit card in their name and let the parents use it, and pay it off. Or so they said. Ultimately, they were not able to make the payments on it, even the minimums, and destroyed this child's credit. The parents also convinced this child to take out payday loans in this child's name, and then just "loan" them the money. Please do not fall for this. This is manipulation, pure and simple. No reasonable person asks another to take out a loan for them, regardless of if you can afford it, or if they'll pay you back right away. Forget it. Any money loaned out is not a loan. You should be comfortable with the concept of never seeing that money back, and it should be an amount of money that you can afford to never see again. Regardless of how close you are, if not getting paid back would ruin your relationship with this person, you cannot afford to lend them money.

Monitoring- Keeping track of how you spend money, not allowing you a say in the family finances, or being cagey with their personal finances, while expecting you to be completely forthright with yours, usually perpetrated under the guise of "handling the finances", are all tactics that many people in long term relationships use to control their partner(s) or sometimes parents use to control their young adult children. This behavior can usually be spotted early on in the relationship.

1. Do they check up on you when they know you have other things to do?

2. Do they expect an unreasonable level of communication?

3. Do they ask to move in together pretty quickly? (This can be a tactic to more fully control your environment, or to begin the process of isolation, or dependence.)

4. Do they regularly ask for small sums of money, and always pay you back? (This can be a way to warm you up to the idea of giving them access to your accounts, or to loaning them large sums of money, which they will likely never pay back.)

5. Have they asked to share bills or accounts early on in the relationship, or before you have moved in together? (This could be a dependence or control tactic, because if they are on the account they are entitled to control and monitoring of the account, whether that is a cell phone bill, or a bank account.)

This is just a small selection of the types of questions that could come up as you negotiate the financial terms of your long term relationships. There are tons of questions that pertain to specific situations, people, and relationships. A great rule of thumb is to ask yourself whether you can communicate regularly, openly, and safely about your feelings with this person. If you do not have solid communication, trust, and safety with any person, they do not deserve access to or control of your financial life.

"Losing ambition" or other types of dependence- This can best be described as someone depending on your money while refusing to work when otherwise able - and this one comes with a huge caveat. Many people are truly dependent, and truly cannot work or find work for reasons beyond their control. But this needs to be communicated. Usually, the people who use dependence as a tactic to control you do not keep a regular conversation about finances going because that would reveal the extent of their use and abuse. My fiancee is pretty much entirely dependent on my income due to a chronic illness. I do not resent this because we have had tons and tons of conversations about our finances, and she has her own money and bank account. She contributes as best she can around the house, and constantly has ambitions of making her own money. She even buys me dinner sometimes. She is still driven and ambitious, it has just had to change in scope and degree from where she was before she was ill. That being said, refusing to work, find work, or otherwise contribute around the house can be a way to manipulate you into continuing to take care of someone. Keeping themselves dependent on you can make you second guess your desire to leave because "What would happen to them, they aren't working, I'm the only one paying the rent, where would they go?" This is a spiral that they want you to have because as long as they have nothing, you have to stay with them. The way to deal with this behavior is to do your best to sit with them and discuss their goals, what plans they have of achieving them, and how you and your money fit into that picture. Both parties should come to an agreement that feels ok for both parties. This will not feel good, do not expect it to. But this plan should offer both of you some level of psychological relief, and guidance on what the next steps could be for the dependent person. If someone is resistant to making substantive change in themselves and their lives, when they are otherwise completely capable of doing so, you do not need to feel responsible for their life, even if they do not feel responsible for it themselves. At this point you are forced to accept that this person is resistant to change right now, and will probably continue their pattern of behavior and manipulation regardless of anything you may or may not do. So, it would be in your best interest to distance yourself from the dependent person as much as possible. Ultimately, I encourage everyone to seek the professional help of a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist whenever possible. It always helps to have an objective lens through which to view a difficult situation such as manipulation or abuse.

Actionable Advice:

1. If you take nothing else from this article, always remember the 3 C's: Consent Communication Consideration. - Every partner in any relationship has a right to these three C's.

2. Protect yourself - we are raised to extend our trust, love, and vulnerability to the people who are closest to us, but this does not take into account the reality of toxic relationships and family members.

3. Educate yourself - Continue to advance your knowledge of personal finance and relationships. None of us are perfect. We all have gaps in our understanding, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and getting along with others. Kindergarten can't teach us everything.

#personal finance #family finances #relationship #family #educateyourself

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coldbatpalacepanda · 3 years

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My life journey: i was born on May 28,2002 in katalicanan aleosan cotabato,i didnt of mine deep-felt already born in the hospital bacause my home is far away the Road its not easy to facilitate the patient go in the hospital,but im so grateful because im still alive,strong, good health,and happy to this world even theres more problem i encounter to my life as a adult,student,and younger to all siblings,as a young age lived in this world that theres so many problems i encounter Ill fight in order get loose at life,being a student its so hard to adjust this year now cause full of changes and problem like this pandemic now,theres more changes like in my studying now this online class its so hard to adjust cause some lesson we didnt understand but we try our best to understand it cause this is for our better future,and also i miss all memories being a young and student that last year theres no pandemic to come in we lived peace and free theres no distraction like in high school life i never know that im a student cause highschool life it so memorable experiences and memories that i never forget to my life,like go out somewhere its for fun only theres no problem thinking cause they all enjoying life ,like dancing together in different fiestas its so memorable that this is ones in a life time to make is happen in life dancing together with your clasmate and friends,and celebrating a birthday of one of my friend we make specia because we never know now or soon like activities we never happen all the time cause life is short,no matter a little bit food we prepare the most important we are complete to celebrate the all. special day in our life and also i never forget to all may friends who give her trust on me even im so clingy,noisy,and funny sometimes ill still remember when im so happy to face may friends to see all laughing its so memorable and fun but one of my friends theres a deeply problems or secret she didnt tell anyone,but me also i listen her personal problem even there own family didnt know ,that time i see her eyes so sad and scared i dont explained my feeling when i see her,so that i talk to her and i told her that im her for you to listen and help ,when i know all what happen to her im shocking i didnt expect that realy happen in real life,so that im comforting him ill do my best to give advise cause when i see her eyes flow her tears i pitied her conditions she truma some on her circumstancing ,i feel sad because my bestfriend

she forthcome,thats why im willing to help for him already fade her problem im willing to help for him already fade her problem and to start a new journey of life cause i believe strong women is a fighter ,everyone needs friends,friends are an important part of our life without friends,life can be pretty lonely,friends come in all shape and size,you might have a tall friendsl or a fat friends or maybe a hilarious friends or a supportive friends,companionship even stronger than that,a friends is someone who is willing to listen and not listen because they should,a friend is someone who is willing to support you,if they dont like your decisions,they may try to convince you,but support at the end,a friend is someone who will comfort you through the tough times,a friends is someone who will laugh with you at the stupidest thing and even go along with your stupid ideas,a friend is someone who loves you because who you are and they accepted you and your flaws,a friend is someone who will protect you because they cant stand their friend being in any harm,a friend is someone who has your back through whatever the case might be and if they were truly your friend ,i dont think you'll be able to forget them,because friends stay with us for a very long period of time,they hold us together and we hold them together its kind of like a package,the number of friends you have never matters they only matter if they mean so much too and not just for showing off or you can have a lot of friends but the ones you talk to about the deep aren't many that a really good thing i think the special part about friendship is when you are arounshow more life is full of various events and experience,but all of these are not equally important,enjoyable and memorable,all days we come across in our life are not the same ,some my memorable moment,is the funniest and happiest day of our life however memories are not just the ones that make us feel like we are in heaven ,sometimes it is unforgettable because of the joy and fun that has given to us,be it either good or bad,it will still be the part of us,our life,it will remain in us forever,everywhere we walk when we think about this day or memory ,we are very happy and we want to cry,in my opinion,everyone has a special memory that they will never forget,it may be good or bad ,my hand were shaking and heart throbbing,with trembling ears i heard to her,she told me that i have secured ,i thanked God the almighty for the success which he granted me ,then i ran to my parents and gave them the good news they are overwhelmed with joy,my sister and cousin got up and rejoiced,d friend and your having loads of fun whether you are doing something of doing nothing,Athe most memorable experience in our life is when we did something unusual that made us feel ,shy ,happy ,sad or angry,it is composed of mixed emotions we did an unforgettable experience,it mostly occur in the days of our childhood,when we are still young and ignorant ,for example when we accidentally spill a glass of juice on the shirt of our crush !well,thats really unforgettable ,this is my unforgettable memories that they no regrets the most but the truth is,the more that you grow older and remember these memories you will be happy or sad l,but still you will learn to grow ,to change your old habits and start something new ,to always be careful of what you do or say. and always thank God for he has given to you and for the things you experience for that day And Now days there so much changes,so many thing that we cannot do with our friends and relatives cause we need to follow the protocol for being safe even this is so hard this is for our own good to make a better person we need to sacrifice and we always trust in God that theres hope to come in our life if we thingk always positive and pray,cause theres so possible happen uf we have faith this types of problem this is challenge of God to us if where the copiable for our prebelief cause i believe if we are alive we have propect in our life,dont stop dreaming and we always think positive.

After all, books are a man’s best friend, and they’ve been my best friends too. As extremely shy child I always found it hard to make actual “friends.” I was never a talkative kid. In fact, when other kids enjoyed jumping around, having fun, I would wish for some means of enjoying solitude. That is when I befriended my first book; Peter and Jane Book 1a Play with Us. My mother had bought me that book so I would learn to read. Well, I could read alright, or so I thought. Then again, it wasn’t what was inside that piqued my interest to pick up that thin hardback book, sit back on the couch and start reading it.

As far as I can recall, I peered at the vivid, illustrative cover of the book that depicted a boy and a girl peeking out of a tent for several minutes until finally turning the hardcover over. Now that I look back, those words, those sentences seem so simple, but back then, reading that simple transported me to a whole new world. Even though there wasn’t much to read in that book, but plenty of brightly colored images to see, I could almost picture myself there with Peter and Jane, just observing them from a distance. Believe it or not, that somewhat meaningless book is the reason I started reading in the first place, and it is because of that book that I have had the pleasure of reading some of the finest books over the years. That book filled the void of having no friends during my early-childhood years.

The very next day, I started reading the copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe I had received as a gift. Although the cover wasn’t as colorful as the books I had previously read, the illustration immediately captivated my attention. I put myself in place of those two children, and I imagined what it would be like to ride on top of a gigantic lion At first, the book itself did not capture my interest because I found it quite similar to the Wizard of Oz, but as I kept reading, I found myself joyfully lost i, i feel sad because my bestfriend

#about life #memoir writing

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kirango-rouge · 4 years

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”No shape to form.... No throat to yell its pain... It has fathers, whom it’s not born... it’s devoted, not insane...”

(When my sister did her killercreamare ship child Soul to honour the ATOS passion, she had asked me for suggestions samples designs that could inspire her. She liked the design so much that she harassed convinced me to finish it and do a ship child for myself. well... here we are x))

The White Ghost

-Other names: The Shape, The one that doesn’t speak

-Killercreamare poly ship child

-Agender

-height: taller than its dads

-Age: 2-3 days old (basically the time it took me to draw It and do Its sheet)

- “Its devotion knows no limit. It cares not for self-preservation. It would gladly die to protect the ones it bonded with. For Its pain is a so sweet poison”

-backstory (sort of):

The White Ghost is related to the ATOS timeline, where Nightmare, Dream, Killer and Cross are in a polyamorous relationship. One day, somewhere in the multiverse, it appeared, and in barely a few agonizing gooey heart beats, it was already adult. Following its memory sphere, it is quietly searching for its “family”.

-physical desciption: The White Ghost is born from two gods and two mortals defying death. Dream gave it the soul in the form of a peach (symbol of love and sin of a being so pure who dared to bond with mortals and traitors), Nightmare gave it the goo (dangerous and protective, it helds this simili of a body together, as if constently asking for forgiving), killer gave it the determination (the spark of life that animated this shapeless corpse, always on edge, always in pain, always fighting to continue to exist), and Cross gave it his monster code (what remains from his monster soul: dust of magic, breath of hope, hint of compassion. To form bones, to contain, to tame, to prevent the almost living shape to vanish in thin air because of its wild magic). Therefore The White Ghost body is composed of some bones and a lot of determined goo.

-origin of its creation: i was chilling at reading ATOS one day and i was re-reading the sheets of the kids and i was beaming “aw the kids are so cute omg”, and then it striked me. Usually the ship children are made physically quite appealing and pretty, like they always inherit of the “good parts” from their genitors. So i decided to create an unsettling and always transforming design, something showing that an association doesn’t always produce something “good”.

The White Ghost doesn’t have a definitive design because its soul is contently desintegrating and reforming its body. I presented here a form arbitrarly “stable” but sometimes the bones or the goo can become dominant before changing again (i even wish i would have succeed to make it look uglier). Its life is holding to a string and still The White Ghost will always hide the gooey parts of his body whenever it spots a change, so it can feel “normal” like the other kids for the uncertain time it has in this world.

-Weapon: Its weapon is made of magic. It is an extension of its own body from its hands, but you can’t easily notice unless you try to make it drop it. The White Ghost hides it because its think its freaky enough like this. The aesthetic may look strange, but you clearly don’t want to be hit by something looking like this.

-Dumb and Deaf and Blind: The Whiste Ghost can produce some gutural noises, but otherwhise it cannot speak nor hear clear words because its body cannot form permanant vocal and auditive systems. It also doesn’t know how to write, read, nor sign because no one taught them how to, so comunication is quite hard unless you’d agree to soultalk with it to at least understand how it feels. But he’s eager to learn. At least its vision is less impacted than the two other senses, but sometimes it can go through short to long periods without a frontal lobe to contain its eyelights.

-the memory sphere: The White Ghost owns a “sphere of memory” around its neck containing its “story”, like “first day with my father”, “playing with my sibs” ect... It didn’t truly live any of these, but it is attached to its emotions and would like to live them one day for real. -relationships: Fathers: The white Ghost feels pulled toward its genitors. It want to be close to them but also fear rejection.

Dream: The White Ghost likes his kindness and patience. It would devote its entire being to serve and protect him and its other parents so they would keep it around. Such behaviour is quite disturbing to Dream and he’s helping it with self esteem. Dream taught It how to be more socially confortable so he can be independent around people without freaking out.

Killer: The White Ghost admires his resilience and strenght. Killer being the less “perfect” of Its fathers, The White Ghost feels more confortable around him. Both having to deal with constent determination flowding in their souls, they can rely on each other. Killer often wonder if it is his fault if this offspring looks so genetically mangled. He doesn’t want to think about The White Ghost as a “defective product”, convincing himself that he is surely the one who gave the wrongest “genes” to begin with because of his genocidal past.

Cross: The White Ghost is fond of his emotions and devotion. Cross’ soul being more open than an audiobook with images, The White Ghost can easily soultalk with him and likes to follow him around. Cross doesn’t find it creepy at all (No sir, waking up at night with a glowing gooey form above you and staring down at you is definitely not creepy), and like killer he thinks that he may be in part responsible from the handicap of his spawn. Since Cross’ code was at a certain time not suppposed to exist, he supposed that it had more severe repercussions on his soul than he thought, and bad luck The White Ghost inherited of all the bad genes combos possible. Cross would like a better life for his offspring and think that maybe his knowledge in “overwriting” could help to stabilise its determination and, hopefully, maybe give It a certain, even if short, life expectancy.

Nightmare: The White Ghost is attached to Nightmare’s patience and attention. He doesn’t show it often but he stay attentive and watch over his children like a protective owl. Nightmare taught The White Ghost hos to read and writte and studied immediatly the Braille and the Signing so he could give more way of comunications to his spawn, since he is too insecure to accept to soultalk with It. Nightmare trie to not get attached to The White Ghost since It could dust without any warning one day (sure Nighty, we believe you). In some old times, such an obedient and devoted soldier would have delighted him, but today he’s no longer so sure about wanting this. He also trained It how to use its goo with more eficiency and taught It how to form tentacles.

Siblings: The White Ghost is also very affective with its siblings. It’s doesn’t know all the time how to interact witout soultalk, but he likes to follow them and watching them (not creepy i swear!). Soul is Its partner in strange tastes for weapons’ designs. Nox, Lux and armonia welcomed It in their club of the broken skulls. And It finds in Falx an infinite source of soultaking (and both would need to go to Undertherapy for a session of “determination anonym management”).

orininal prototype of Soul’s design. you really can’t see the difference x)

welp, sorry for all this blabla xD

credits; my sister @serenade-bleue who forced supported me to finish it

and to the lovelies Type and Lyra from @atosofficial who are delighting us with their stories! love you dearies! <3

#kiran doodles #ship child #sheet character #sort of #more like a novel actually #sorry it is long #long post #should tag #killercreamare #killercreamare ship child

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