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#i know i know im horrible cause i keep starting stuff that i never finish please forgive me cause i dont and someone has to lmao
4pfsukuna · 3 months
Note
please asexual!reader x megumi
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I wasnt sure if you wanted a headcannon or drabble so… here’s both. Y’all also give me way too much freedom when writing, i love it! Your wish is my command sunshine!
you actually started off as enemies, you hated that he was so expressionless and only expressed anger, discontent and disgust, how did GOJO raise him
He hated that you were exactly the same yet judged him so hard. Except you were more sarcastic and had your own sense of dark humor.
It was when you cracked a joke about yuji and sakuna at the worst possible time that he couldn’t even fight back the way his lips quirked up, he claims it was a muscle spasm.
And maybe you arent entirely horrible and unbearable and your music taste is cool and your taste in fashion is mainly dark clothes but the way you can dress for every aesthetic— hes impressed.
He wasnt smitten by just one joke… it was also the way you smiled and looked so smug after every joke you told it was cute.
“If you stop oggling at y/n and pick a food spot that would be nice” Nobara teases and his glare is back on the girl he seen as an annoying sister.
Its the day you wear your hair in its fro running out of arm strength to wrestle it into a style you opt for it and he cant help the stare. You smell like cocoa butter, skin is sun kissed and that laugh… its soft and airy and he almost hates how sickly sweet it was. That was the laugh that was reserved for him so why were you laughing with Todo?
What could that idiotic brainless brute say that was sooooooo funny? Wait why did he care?
It didnt matter cause he was already in tow when Todo reached out to touch your hair.
“With this treasure i summon—“
“Megs wait!” The nickname was an accident but you dont miss the way the red coats the tip of his ears and he clears his throat.
You use it to your advantage everything becomes “megs this” and “megs that” and hes happy to comply.
You begin flirting in insults and your friends never know if your flirting or are actually about to brawl.
“I know how much you enjoy reading so i got you this book…maybe now instead of your spikey little head being a passageway for air it can actually hold thoughts.” You smile giving him the book ignoring the way everyones jaw is on the floor. He eyes you before picking on the one thing he knew could get you bent out of shape.
“Im suprised you were tall enough to reach this.. or smart enough to find the library.”
“One day im going to finish you and not even big ragga the opp stoppa can save you” you say holding him by the front of his shirt your noses nearly touching yet he looks completely unfazed. Actually theres an arrogant smirk on his face that nobody quite expected.
“Can you two fuck already and get it over with” Maki exhasperstes and you become visibly uncomfortable… for the rest of the entire day. Her harsh comments never bothered you, he watched you say worse stuff to her and even leave her stunned before sharing a laugh.
Its when he realizes you're asexual and those comments bother you. 
He may or may not threaten to bring out mahoraga if anybody else in the group makes sexual comments around you.
“Hey megs can i wear your jacket?” You ask already wearing his black and blue motorcycle jacket over your black crop top and mini skirt hair in 2 spikey buns immitating his hair and he wants to be angry cause he hated people touching his stuff but… you called him megs. And you look hot! 
He couldn’t keep his eyes off you while you danced at the bar, he told himself it was because he was the designated driver and babysitter of the group he had to make sure everyone was okay. 
You looked so carefree and adorable in his jacket, he even pretends not to notice you using your ability to control shadows to get rid of a man who got to close but he did smile.
He likes feeding you— now hear me out! It happened after the club you had been super drunk and hungry and there was a late night ramen bar Yugi suggested but megumi cant help but watch the way you put at the chopsticks. He assumes you dont know how to use them and that begins the tradition of him feeding you every time you go out.
Until its every time you eat ramen… ramen becomes your favorite food.
“Does he know that she knows how to use chopsticks?”
“I-im not sure but he actually looks… happy? Lets not say anything”
He likes when you play with his hair.  One day hed been sitting next to you fighting sleep and all it took was a hand in his hair your nails softly scratching his scalp and he was fast asleep on your lap. He actually wrapped his arms around your midsection locking you in so you couldn’t move.
And when yuji and Todo walk into yuji and megumis shared apartment the scowl on his face is the meanest they’ve ever seen. How dare they interrupt his quiet time with his woman?!
Its quiet when he yells that at him… but an akward silence he didnt mean to yell that he was just so exhausted from all the missions hes been on and lack of times hes been able to spend with you.
“Damn take me on a date for dinner and a movie first” you break the silence and he gives you a sheepish grin laying back on your lap trying to cover the burn of his cheeks and ears.
“You hate cliche dates like that… ill take you somewhere better” he fights the urge to stutter.
And he does he takes you to a sip and paint class where neither of you follow what the teacher painted. He painted a picture of you under the moonlight and you painted a stick figure with a bunch of letter M’s on the head for his hair.
“My hair isn’t that damn spikey!”
He hangs the picture up in his bedroom anyway making sure your signature is on it.
Megs closet is your favorite place he has so many cool things he doesn’t wear.
“You jerk the tags still on it” he scoffs seeing you in his new hoodie.
You give it back because it doesn’t smell like him anyway and opt for a beanie… and jacket.
“What? Youve worn this” “no, i tried it on”
He loves when you wear his clothes and the way it looks so big on you but youre just happy with anything that his and he doesnt understand how you can be so infatuated with him or anything involving him but its equivalant to the way he was with you.
Megumi smiles down at you completely infatuated with how cute you look in his shirt, it swallows you whole but you don’t seem to mind and he doesn’t pay much attention to the denim blue dye fading onto the collar from your hair. The denim bite was a mishap you were actually trying to dye your hair the same color as his and honestly once you told him he didn’t give a damn about the dye on his new fresh white nike tee. 
“Is that my shirt?” His voice sounds annoyed but you knew better this was megs we were talking about. He always sounds annoyed and you nod cutely up at him watching as a smile builds on his face. He kisses your forehead before walking over to the kitchen ready to sneak a taste of whatever you'd been cooking. 
“I'll pop your fingers with a wooden spoon so you better think twice about going in my pot” you threaten watching as he sends a disbelieving look over his shoulder. 
“You know speaking of food Yuji told me you absolutely do know how to eat with chopsticks and that i don't need to feed you” he retorts ruffling his hair which you gasp at. You were going to fold yuji like origami and flick him far off to where he wouldn't be found. 
“Fine…you can have a bite of the salmon” you wager but he's quick.
“What?! No,3” he tries happily walking toward the stove,
“Two and you keep feeding me with chopsticks and ill show you the fudge chocolate cake i made you for dessert” you promise watching as his face lights up.
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ppnuggie · 2 years
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I Love your 'Decpticons x reader/raiden shogun'!.
I absolutely love it and I just keep reading it! Is it alright for me to request u a 'decpticon x reader/venti or zhongli' ?. You don't have to do both.
Have a good day/night!
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      CONS x gn human reader
    『 megatron ,, starscream ,, knockout ,, breakdown ,, gender neutral human reader 』
  -> cons w/ a venti like s/o
  — fluff ,, sfw ,, crack ,, mentions of wine n alcohol
  — tysm !! im glad you liked my crossover 🥴😎 i did venti for this one but i can do zhongli too in a separate post ! :D i chose four cons though since you didnt specify ^^
megatron ::
• hes not quite happy having you onboard his ship with your frantics ,, making a mess of things instead of just standing by like he assumed you would
• whilst you do provide a lot of fun and excitement towards the vehicons ,, he’s still not all that okay with you onboard
• he just huffs and puffs ,, giving you glares from across the room whenever you start singing and telling tales ,, he finds it unnecessary and silly
• but ,, the work ethic from the vehicons has gone up ,, and you do help out a bit when you use your anemo powers to lift stuff for you
• the thing megatron does take a liking to is your fighting style ,, your crossbow style and how neat your anemo powers look when mixed together
• he feels and thinks that you could be better ,, but when you use your anemo powers down in the energon mine ,, hes quick to provide a small nod of thanks
• when he catches wind of you slipping up and talking about a certain nation you and a few others destroyed ,, he starts to rethink his view of you
• he wishes to hear more about what happened ,, but doesnt push it as you get quite stiffy when you slip a certain nation through your speeches
starscream ::
• he finds a lot of things about you infuriating ,, your silly songs ,, little fairytales ,, your somewhat obsession with wine and getting a bit tipsy ,, he honestly doesnt see why megatron even allowed you onboard the nemesis
• he does notice you help out the vehicons and eradicons but that doesnt mean he likes you !! he just ,, happens to know how nice and gentle you treat them ,, and help them
• he does like your anemo powers ,, never seeing that in a fleshy before ,, but he brushes it off and gruffs about how a little wind and air does nothing to help the cause
• only when youre too tipsy and gone do you share your most gruesome stories ,, how your first friend had died horribly and how you were alone after that
• starscream overhears it when he gets his daily energon ,, not meaning to eavesdrop ,, yet his wings droop as he can easily synthesize with your pain
• he ,, too ,, have lost those quite dear to him ,, optics gazed at the floor before decided he’s had enough and leaves
• he does change his attitude towards you a bit ,, only being a little more nicer then before ,, but that doesnt mean he likes you !! stop teasing him fleshy !!
knockout ::
• knockout is more then pleased to meet you ,, already a fan of how nice you are to everyone around you ,, despite being on an alien ship with even ruder aliens
• you and knockout tend to hang out often ,, showing him your anemo powers and sharing your tunes with the mech ,, he’s delighted to hear your stories as well
• knockout makes for a good friend ,, supportive and interested about you ,, helping you with things along the way of being on an alien ship
• he notices your kindness towards the vehicons ,, and just smiles to himself ,, glad to have at least some sort of positivity on this hell of a ship
• definitely appreciates when you use your anemo powers to help him buff himself 💀
breakdown ::
• breakdown is absolutely head over heels about you ,, so fascinated with everything you do and say ,, hes quite the friendly guy ,, probably the most friendly mech onboard
• loves your little harp and your songs <33 always clapping when you finishing singing or telling a tale ,, asking questions and all
• when he first sees your anemo powers ,, hes super impressed ,, as if he couldnt be as impressed beforehand
• he is appreciative of how nice you are towards the vehicons and eradicons when they work ,, knowing full well that they get injured a lot and deal with a lot of negativity already
• all in all ,, he makes quite the nice friend
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yyxandere · 2 years
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Hi there, hope you're doing well! May I request some Klavier Gavin general headcanons? Thanks in advance☺!!! I love the aesthetic here by the way 👀
・ 。゚☆ 𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐁𝐄
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[♡]ー ꒱・!CHARACTER!:: KLAVIER GAVIN.
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✧.* gender/pronouns ─ 'You' pronouns
✧.* prompt ─ Yandere Klavier Gavin Headcanons
✩.* note ─ I'm doing fine thank you mod 'thena, hbu, but tadaa here it is!! I tried my best to get his character on point so sorry if there were some lines that weren't like him ( ̄□ ̄」) but overall I think this is pretty good, AND THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT I APPRECIATE IT VERY VERY MUCH (´。• ω •。`) ♡♡♡♡
✩.* TRIGGER WARNINGS ─ SPOILERS FOR AJ CASE 5, Unhealthy Thinking, Unhealthy Action, Mentions of Mindbreak/Suic*de, OOC(?), Google Translated German (im very sorry T-T), Mention of "Fräulein" a German fem term and Lack of Privacy
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• Klavier is Delusional yet so Self-Aware. Fräulein is fighting back and yelling at him? Oh, they're just probably having a bad day, here my love has some cup of tea while he sings you a love song in German on his guitar, that should probably relax you now ja? 
• Unlike his older brothers Kristoph who keeps things very secretive about any personal things, Klavier isn't ashamed to show off his liebling to the public. 
• When it comes to stalking, Klavier probably has cameras all over your town and your house, the only room he doesn't put a camera on is your restroom and bedroom. Whenever Klavier is having a bad day like his guitar broke, or even set on fire, the stage performance was horrible; the only way for him to stop nagging at his bandmates, is for him to check on you, from the cameras he installed to calm him down. 
• Klavier may be delusional but he has this little spark in him knowing that this isn't right, but can you blame him he want to be selfish once in a while, especially what happening during his brothers trails, he looked up to his brother only for the ugly truth to show up and smack him in the face, and the pain he felt hurted him till the core. So from there on he forced his delusional tendencies so he'll never feel that pain ever again. 
• Klavier loves pampering you with kisses, expensive accessories and etcetera, he's also extremely touch and hugs you and kisses you even if you're obviously uncomfortable by it and keep pushing him away. 
• Given by Klavier passion over music and as the lead singer of the "Gavinners' ' he made a whole album dedicated to you, and all the genres you liked are there, he's gonna subconsciously bring you up at every conversation he's at. Please save Ema and Daryan from their misery. 
• Klavier isn't one to abuse his power as a singer and a prosecutor because he has a very strong sense of morals, but if he ever finds out that you have a lover, his strong sense of morality breaks like brittle guitar strings, he wouldn't hesitate to sweet talk your way out of that relationship, but if you're that loyal to your lover he will have to take a bigger step. Klavier is obviously a famous celebrity both in the media and the law world, and everything he does may have an impact, so imagine one day a very famous singer and prosecutor spread some nasty things about your lover, it will spread like wildfire. And with that, it can ruin both of your reputations, but Klavier so graciously wasn't done yet. Klavier knows that his older brother; Kristoph is a bad person, but he learned one crucial fact about him during his trial, "Once you start it, you must finish it no matter what, "which means he's not done yet. After spreading nasty stuff about your lover that may have caused them to lose their job, your lover will be blackmailed to break up with you or just push into insanity, to commit suicide.
• Klavier may be mostly shown as a cool, nice, "go with the flow" kind of a guy, but deep down his down to perfection, like shown in Case 3, he get pissed even in the smallest detail. So when he's gonna kidnap you, he's making a plan, he knows your schedule so he knows what time and day to strike at you and kidnap you but when something minor happens like you going to the convenience store even though you should be at your house right now, he's going to stop at his plan and do it another day. 
• Klavier thinks he's not that clingy he thinks to himself, but in reality, if he doesn't have or feel your touch in less than a second, everyone around him must have to deal with a whiny and kind-off rude Klavier, so most of the time his co-workers always convince you to always be with him.  himself is harmless to you, but if he would harm everyone else around him just for your touch he yearns for it.
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READER REWRITE ANNOUNCEMENT: TUA ☂️ - TALLY CLOSED
I'm starting another love interest Tally, this one for the Umbrella Academy. Unlike the It tally, I don't really have any solid ideas for the characters but I DO have a pretty fucking big one for the reader. So, please let me know out of these character you would like to see as your love interest [BESIDES BEN, DONT WORRY THAT'S COMING]. If you have a preference and would like to vote, drop by my inbox [anonymously or otherwise, i don't mind either!], DM me, or comment here BUT remember, I can't respond to comments but I will see them, thanks and ily guys!
The Umbrella Academy x Reader [slight au] LI options:
Luther: ngl, I'm not crazy about him. I doubt he's gonna win cause I know he ain't usually a fan fav. Personally, I didn't really see a problem with him [until episode 8&9] in season one, I mean beside that whole weird allison subplot. Like the moon stuff, I didn't really notice it until people pointed it out then he got REALLY annoying the whole season. Season 2 luther I liked. Either way, I could easily mellow out his character if yall REALLY want him (lol kinda hope you don't 🤭)
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Diego: my sweetie sweet sweetheart. I love this adorable mommas boy, he just wants love and affection and to be accepted and with what I have planned for the reader's plot [which is a definite thing] these two could honestly work SO well together, and be the affection starved babies together and shower each other with love 💘 [EDIT: HE WON! Ideas and plots are being further developed as of the 10th of September 2020]
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Allison: I'm not gonna lie, yall I'm torn. Allison Hargreeves owns ALL my fucking uwus, she stole my fucking heart and I have a crush ngl. BUT I also LOVE her and Ray and the work they do and I sob so hard in season 2 for her and Ray and everyone and UGH I could NEVER TAKE THAT ARC AWAY FROM HER. I have an idea for reader and allison season 2 wise, her and ray would still be together lets just say
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Klaus: [I know he dates guys, and I would be able to fit in Dave but I'm pretty sure he's pan either way!] Honestly, I'm a little scared about this one. I haven't wrote a BUNCH of scenes with klaus yet, but the few I have i have not been super proud of. I don't think I write his character very well, and Idk if thats just me or because its new but I'm scared to jump into a whole series with him, especially as a LI but ill do it for you babies if that's what you really want. Can't promise it will be good, but I'm trying lol
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Five: honestly I'm scared about this one too. With the Ben fic, I haven't quite gotten to him yet so I don't know how i wrote him yet but I have some hope. Also, the age thing low key bothers me but he is a fan favorite and he does have some of the most screen time which would be convenient, his plot mixed with the readers plot would be VERY interesting indeed, and he does make me laugh so ehh its really up to you guys. Again, not sure how I feel??
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Ben? Im already working on a ben fic as some of you might know, but then I was in the shower and my brain was like "heheh he heh, I know you haven't even published the first chapter of your ben fic and have 3 unfinished series, and 2 independent WIP but here's a REALLY cool idea for yet ANOTHER umbrella academy rewrite. Also no you can't have any writing inspiration for any of them" again, I suppose he's doable and already this would be considered an au so it wouldn't be much of a leap to A] ressurect ben, but that worries me cause the end of season 2 and I'd have to rely on hope I could catch whatever s3 threw or B] work in a way reader could see Ben which would be kinda hard but not impossible given my plot [edit: probably won't do him honestly. Not for this one. I want to try different characters for this one. Again, unless you REALLY want him, but again, I'm already making one with him so nows your chance to vote to see someone else]
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Vanya: gorgeous baby angel, would be VERY interesting as a love interest and quite convient too. Plus she's adorable. Out of all of them, I have the most ideas for her
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And finally...
I'm so fucking sorry I can't stop coming up with ideas, I wish I wish I WISH I could just make a story and stick to it but, I've just never been like that I'm sorry.
💕💕💕 - Yurtle
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somecunttookmyurl · 3 years
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If It is okay to ask, how to tell when a kid is adhd or just being a kid? Looking back I can see a few signs like constant daydreaming, restlesness fidgeting etc but that wasnt much different from the other kids. As a teenager it became more clear I think because most of girls my age were not behaving like tomboys anymore and the symptoms mentioned above did not go away plus i think I had/have rsd. But only now as an adult i feel like these things are actually getting on the way. I daydream a lot, the restfulness didn't go anywhere, rsd still anoying as fuck (i think this is related with being a people pleaser? I got that too) and i notice more and more this horrible thing you usually call executive dysfunction. I cant really get a diagnosis and while I relate to a lot of symptoms and posts adhd people share, I'm really scared Im just procrastinating and trying to use adhd as an excuse for not getting things done. And I feel really bad about that. So back to my original question, if the signs were there since childhood but did not trouble me until like 4 years ago, how can i tell If It was adhd or Just kid stuff?
i mean the fact it didn't go away is a pretty good tell, honestly.
redmore to save the dash
as an adhd kid you may, with other children
-had difficulty making/keeping friends or socialising and felt "weird" or "different"
-were not invited to parties, made excuses to not go, or acted inapproptiately when there (and were never invited back)
-easily gave in to peer pressure from a desire to "fit in"
-were probably called "gullible"
-found it difficult to "wait your turn" in any activity
-frequently picked last for games and team sports
-found it difficult to "share" things with others
-caused fights/arguments with siblings/other children over trivial things
-may have been called "spiteful" or "vindictive"
-not realised when you were "taking things too far" with joke or play
-tried to annoy people on purpose
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as an ADHD child in school you may
-consistently not done school/homework until the last minute. not by choice, but because you could never seem to "just get started on it" until it was immediately pressing
-not known where to start with longer-term projects / never really "got" how to study or revise for exams. could not organise notes.
-made careless mistakes in schoolwork
-had report cards littered with "intelligent but could try harder" "needs to apply themselves" "has potential but lazy" etc
-parents/teachers said you had an "attitude" / you had a tendency to "talk back"
-often seemed to forget things you had already learned until you were reminded of them, or had difficultly linking knowledge together
-doodled a lot in class, and found doing so made it easier to listen
-easily distracted by external stimuli ie things happening outside the classroom window, or a conversation in the next room
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as an ADHD child at home you may
-had trouble getting up in the mornings (your parents had trouble dragging you up, and you felt groggy/sleepy "just 5 more minutes")
-had issues going to bed. did not seem "tired" at bedtime. stayed up late reading frequently. refused to get ready for bed.
-always been rushed to get ready for things
-being forgetful or "a ditz"
-being called "lazy"
-forgetful with daily activities such as brushing your teeth and would need to be reminded
-found it hard if not impossible to keep your room clean and organised. not "knowing where to start" with it
-walking past things without seeing them. eg my parents would leave my laundry on the stairs to take up and then berate me because "you've walked past it six times today". not really seeing mess in general bc it became "background noise"
-not following through on instructions/not finishing what you were asked to do. like doing half of the dishes
-you were over-sensitive to criticism
-would often lie to get out of obligations, maybe even compulsively (ie you couldn't help it)
-you answer to "why did you do/say x" or "why didnt you do x" was frequently "i don't know" and you genuinely didn't know
-liked to do things the same way every time and got upset if the structure or plan changed
-would become frustrated if your demands were not immediately met. could not "wait until later"
-somebody would ask you to do something and you wouldn't do it for several hours, without realising it had been that long
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as an ADHD child in your leisure time / emotionans you may
-people saying "are you even listening to me?" a lot
-talking excessively, being "a chatterbox"
-despite being a "chatterbox" around familiar people, you were very shy/withdrawn around others. your two modes are "verbal diarrhea" and "mute"
-answering questions before the person even finished asking, interrupting others a lot
-you had a lot of interests but didn't keep up with any of them for very long
-were "emotional" or "overdramatic" ie crying or getting angry easily
-identified as a "perfectionist" and would either hyperfocus on unimportant details, or gave up on new pursuits you were not "immediately good" at
-people said you have a "selective memory" because you can eg name all 151 pokemon in order but not remember to pick up milk on the way home
-your moods seemed to change quickly and drastically
-had difficulty "behaving yourself" in public ie when out shopping
-broke/smashed things when angry
-got injured by doing reckless/stupid things
-complained of "being bored" often
-watched TV or played video games excessively and could lose hours at a time without noticing
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pianorexic000 · 3 years
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Sweetspo Saturday
Hi y’all, so today is sweetspo Saturday.......
it speaks for itself. By the way, none of these are mine. I take no credit I have 0 creativity.
I dream of collarbones and thigh gaps, of hips jutting out and ribs just visible, casting shadows on porcelain flesh. I dream of crop tops and denim shorts, of thigh highs and sugar highs. And when I lay in bed at night, counting the calories of the day before my mind can’t help but wander, and I press into my doughy stomach, feel the hips hiding underneath, and remind myself how far I’ve come, and how far I still have to go.
Please listen, I know, I know it’s hard but listen, focus, you, you the most beautiful person on this whole entire planet you are going to make it, I promise you sweetheart, you’re going to make it. Think about it, think about how skinny you’ll be, how happy you will be, how you are going to be able to wear what you want, how you are going to be able to eat what you want and no one is going to make you feel bad for eating, no one. They’re going to be jealous, so fucking jealous, jealous of how you look and how you feel. They’re going to envy you. So stand up, keep your pretty head up and go. Exercise, drink water, eat less, eat healthy, sleep, do yoga, dance around. Get skinny and be finally happy. Please be finally happy.
You’ve been so disappointed in yourself lately. You’ve cursed those girls with a fast metabolism and regretted so much, sweetie. Countless of times you’ve thought, planned and wished to be skinny. I know you want this so badly, honey. But it’s never going to be given to you, sugar. You have to work for it and make yourself proud! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و
I know you’re very impatient with your weight-loss. You want to lose it NOW and would do anything to wake up tomorrow at you ugw. But that’s never going to happen, doll. It’ll take time, but you will get there, sweetie. You just have to be persistent and never give up. The road is very long, and there will be days where it’ll feel hopeless, angel. But i promise you that those days where you feel incredibly sexy and comfortable in your own skin are just around the corner. You’ll get there baby, but it’ll take time. So don’t beat yourself up.
You’ll look good in everything; you remember that bikini with the cute print? yes, you’ll look beautiful in it. you won’t look like a fat pig.
people will be jealous; they’ll envy you. you’ll become thinner while others are getting fatter.
you’ll be dainty; you’ll be the lightest in the room. everyone will be able to pick you up effortlessly.
others will compliment you; people will look at you and say “wow, have you lost weight?” “you look great!” “i wish i looked like you.”
you won’t be able to keep more than a cup of food down; you’ve trained your body, you and your body both know its limits.
you’ll have power; you can can control how you look, you’ll have control. self control instead of eating everything in sight. you’ll be proud when you refuse a chocolate bar someone is offering.
are you going to keep saying “i’ll do it tomorrow”
or are you going to start today?
you’ll get there sweetie, make them regret the day they dare call you fat; they’ll start talking GOOD behind your back; “she is losing so much weight omg” “ i wanna look like her.” “im so jealous of her tiny waist.”
make it happen, you cause the gain of weight
and the loss of weight.
It's Okay!
You were really bad this weekend weren’t you? You ate fatty food and cheated on your diet? I know you bash yourself for pushing yourself further from your goal, but it was just Easter and you were enjoying spending time with your family. Unfortunately that included eating. Thin is all you think about cutie, why would you stuff your face uncontrollably like that, sugar? You can’t stop now, i know it’s hard but it’ll be worth it in the end.
Meanspo
Dear You,
You’ve grown up being the “big” girl. You’ve grown up being the “I want seconds” girl. You entered college being the “let’s eat out because it’s easier” girl.
When will you be the “I eat healthy” girl? The “people can pick me up” girl? The “I love my body” girl?
Today? Oh, right, you say tomorrow. Funny, that’s what you said yesterday.
It’s YOUR fault you’re fat. You don’t control your fatty urges to binge and stuff your face. One day, you’ll regret that. And that day is TODAY. If you regret it, then make a change. Skip that meal. Eat less calories. Exercise and burn what you have consumed and stored from your past pathetic eating habits. Get rid of your fatty urges. BECOME SKINNY…Become beautiful. Because if you don’t start today, you’ll only hate yourself tomorrow… again.
Do it. Do it so you can wear cute short shorts without everyone looking at your thighs and being disgusted.
Do it for that bitch who always called you fat at middle school.
Do it for that fuckboy who never looked at you as girlfriend potencial.
Do it so you can be confident.No seriously you’ll never be confident with that big tummy dude.
Do it so you don't ALMOST DIE in fitting rooms.
Do it for the cute clothes.
Do it for the summer.
Do it for the pool parties and how all of your friends will be SHOOK at your perfect body.
Do it for that life little baby. You deserve it. You deserve so much happiness.
Imagine you’re sitting at your desk in your perfectly decorated bedroom. You’re doing school work (all A’s of course), and since the lighting is good, you stop studying for a second and take a selfie.
You notice your collarbones are perfectly peaking out, and your chest bones are slightly visible. You have no makeup on but you still look absolutely gorgeous. Your flawless skin (that you got from not eating junk food all the time) looks great on your camera. Your thin arms look especially toned in this picture, and your smile is unforgettable.
You decide to post it to Instagram, and it instantly gets likes and comments saying how gorgeous you look. You want to keep studying…but the amount of likes and attention is distracting!
You think to yourself “Amazing how my life has changed. 30lbs ago I barely got 30 likes. My grades were bad and I had horrible acne…it’s so great what being thin can do to a person”
One day I won’t have to suck in
One day I’ll sit down and not have belly rolls
One day my thighs won’t touch
One day I’ll be able to see my ribs
One day I’ll step on the scale and smile
One day I’ll be able to smile at my protruding collar bones
One day I’ll wear the clothes I want
One day I’ll be confident
One day I’ll be skinny
do it for the boy who leaves your snapchats at read. imagine how quickly he’ll reply when he sees how good you look in your new body. do it for the girls you envy, the girls who show up in crop tops and short shorts whilst you hide behind a baggy sweater. imagine how proud you’ll feel when you can finally wear what you want and look just as good, if not better than them. do it for the people who bullied you about your weight and the boys who turned you down because of it. watch them gawk and whisper among themselves at how much weight you’ve lost. do it for the mean girls, the ones that walk around school like they own the place, the ones who’s parties you never get invited to, the ones that all the boys want. prove yourself to them. soon they’ll notice you and you’ll be too proud to care. own your new found confidence, throw your own parties, feel wanted. do it for the boy you’ve been crushing on since the first time you met. make him want you just as you wanted him. laugh at yourself as he chases after you. watch him suffer just as you did. do it for the bikini you’ve never had the body to wear. make your old self proud. wear that bikini. finally feel good in it. go to the beach and the pool and show it off. it belongs on you. do it for yourself. do it for your own happiness and do it right now. you deserve this. it might take some time and maybe you’re growing impatient. but it’s okay, everything good takes time. so be safe, stay strong, and don’t give up. this will be worth the wait. trust me.
I literally cannot fucking wait until I’m thin. I can’t wait to not feel like the outsider in my friend group. I can’t wait to not feel like the ugly friend. I can’t wait to be as thin as my best friend and for people to not see me as a charity case. I can’t wait to be able to go shopping and not worry about what will hide my fat. I can’t wait to see my collarbones and feel great in shorts. I can’t wait to be able to post selfies confidently from any angle and get as many likes as all the thin girls from school. I can’t wait to be someone else’s thinspo. I can’t wait to be happy with myself. I can’t wait to be thin.
Okie lovey, I know you might have had a rough couple of days or maybe you’ve been doing everything right and you just need a little pick me up. That’s okay too. I’m here for you, maybe not there physically but I’m still here. Make some tea, and take a bath; while you’re in there light a few candles and take time for yourself. Paint your nails read a book or simply think about bettering yourself. You’re almost there, I’m so excited for you! I’m going to be there when you cross that finish line (UGW). Finished with tea? Are you hungry? No. Exactly, chin up sweetheart, you got this. I love you
10 Reasons I want to be Thin
1. A flat stomach looks so good in anything. 2. No more armpit fat. 3. Finally have a thigh gap (again). 4. Feel beautiful and in control 5. people you already know will ask you how you did it, new people you meet will fall in love with you. 6. Go on adventures and have fun without worrying about your fat jiggling around. 7. Tan outside or at the lake without wanting to die because you’re too fat for a bikini. 8. Going out to parties and making friends because you’re confident and beautiful. 9. Not wanting to cry every time you see your full body in a mirror/ reflection. 10. Not crying in general anymore. Finally being happy.
11 Reasons Why I'm Doing This
1. To be the skinny friend
2. So I can be lifted up and be called light
3. To wear anything and still look cute
4. To have pretty bones to show off
5. To hear those words; ‘Have you lost weight?’
6. To not feel guilty when having a sweet treat (occasionally!)
7. To wear tight jeans and not have a muffin top
8. To not want to cry every time I look in the mirror
9. To not feel embarrassed in a bikini or swimsuit
10. To sit on someone’s lap without fear of crushing them
11. To finally feel happy with myself
They are in the kitchen making dinner. It smells so good, and all you want to do is have some. But would that make you happy? Would that food actually do anything for you? Sure, it would taste good. But as soon as you swallow, it would be gone. You’d take a drink of water, and the taste would wash away. Five minutes of fun, and then you’d be full. Full of food, regret, hate, shame, and disgust. Today would be yet another day wasted. So go ahead, eat the food. Be the fat tub of lard you always have been. Or don’t. Don’t eat the food. Be a day closer to your goal.
The choice is yours.
224 notes · View notes
bbhyeoliskooks · 3 years
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«❝ 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐖𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 ❞» - PT. TWO
Yeonjun was the one to break up with you, so why does he want you back now?
➸ check part one out here!
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Pairing: Yeonjun x Reader (female)
Genre: 335 cups of fluff and 3 cups of angst
Warnings: a bit suggestive maybe??? cursing, eating, cheesy cringe stuff hehe, ++ unedited so there may be a lot of mistakes !!
Song: I’ll Never Love This Way Again
(YUH OMG FINALLY I FINISHED THIS REQUEST IM SCREAMING OMG??? i’m so sorry that this took so long, i know a lot of people waited for it 😭😭 and for the anon who requested this bc there wasn’t a notif- keah accidentally deleted it 😭😭. ngl i would die for yeonjun in this. ANYWAY, i hope you enjoyyy~~ i rlly liked doing something like this and yes i have to mention the happiness it gave me at 1am when i finally finished it 😌💕)
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
As easy as it was to say compared to real life, Choi Yeonjun was a wreck. A horrible, horrible and you must’ve forget to say- horrible wreck! That is including the duration of time before and after the second time you left.
How he roused one morning to you no where in sight after a vicious night of going out was something he deeply regretted. He would do anything to go back to that day, of course. He wasn’t sure about how you were doing, but jeez did he want to see those bright glints in your eyes whenever you saw him again. To see you smiling like nothing was wrong or giggling when he finally made ticklish contact on those sensitive places or even how you’d frown before him due to his carelessness. His mind drew him back to the ungodly hour of 4am when you scolded him for the scar on his arm he didn’t seem to realize until later and the way you made sure nothing else on his body was hurt. Yeah anyone could tell that didn’t go very well considering he was a boy and you were a girl, but that wasn’t the point!
In simple terms, he missed you more than anyone he’s ever laid eyes upon and the plain truth was that. You weren’t easy to be shaken off his mind after that ordeal of getting you to himself for one, final night. It hurt him most to see the disgusted expression on your face as if you were staring straight at a pile of elephant poop on the ground, not wanting to do anything with it because it was useless and foul. He couldn’t possibly make it your fault too, which meant he shouldn’t have been surprised. Breaking your poor heart by insulting you and taking you for granted, everything was wrong with him for thinking this way!
Whether he liked it or not, his heart said differently about this matter.
Perhaps it was the way you looked that night- he could say- however, it was more than that. With your adoring, sparkling eyes that weren’t easy to miss and your stunning, contagious smile that caused ripples of happiness to fly across the room, he couldn’t blame anyone for falling in love with you. After all, he was a victim of it himself so there was no way he could’ve not in the end. All of those things were true especially, but taking in everything to account as well hanging out with you, your unique individual beauty meant nothing.
He just loved you for you. Loved? No, not loved. Loves. He still loves you for you, and he was a fool to realize it this late. He just lost the best thing in his life due to his stupidity; he knew fully well that you couldn’t ever bring yourself to talk to him face-to-face again if the two of you met again. Would you two even come to meet in the first place? That was the true question here. He and you both knew that due to your resistance and remorse for what happened last weekend that you would never permit yourself to see him. Like he said, he couldn’t blame you for that either.
And yet, why is he trying to convince himself that he’s the only one for you? Your every smile was originally because of him, but now... but now, you’d never let him hear that for one, last time. He couldn’t redo his mistakes of the past of hurting you even if he promised never to do that again. And judging this situation, destiny wouldn’t allow that to happen anyway. With all of your encounters, it seemed as if they all turned out the same way. Everything was ripped into shreds.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
“Wait, so you sLEPT WITH HIM?!” Soobin’s voice reached to a dangerous while the two of you paced around the hallways together, trying to quietly talk about last weekend until he so rudely screamed about your untrue administrations. You clasped your hand over his mouth in instinct, punching his shoulder as a warning to keep quiet or else. His body heaved with hearty chuckles while you screamed, telling him to keep his voice down so that you could truly tell him the whole story.
“Soobin! That’s not true; I wouldn’t do anything like that, ever!”
“Well, he’s your ex- and he’s hot, so why wouldn’t you sleep with him?!”
Now some of the students subtly shuffled around to eavesdrop on your conversation, and you groaned at the newfound attention. Just what were you thinking about telling him when sometimes he could contradict himself to be this loud?! It was steaming tea, yes, but no one else had to hear about it! You should’ve told him this stuff at lunch when the two of you were alone.
Swiftly pulling Soobin to the vacant hallway where thankfully no one else was walking, you made sure to keep your voice to a faint hush. You weren’t sure if he could hear you, but you couldn’t risk involving anyone else in this personal matter. Students passed by all around you in the other hallway, holding conversations and walking in groups which was a good sign you could actually speak normally since no one was paying attention anymore.
“So did you or did you not?” He mused, ruffling the top of your head. You pushed his hand away, rolling your eyes at his playfulness when the gravity of the situation needed to be comprehended instead.
“Soobin, I told you we never slept together in that sense last weekend. We were both drunk and shared the same bed! It doesn’t mean anything and we aren’t going to get back together,” you held your breath through those words as you watched the amused smile on his face turn into a pitiful, pouting lip. His adorable puppy dog eyes that were begging you not to get mad at him didn’t seem to work now, and you found yourself telling him off even if you didn’t mean to in the first place.
“You’re so stupid for thinking that, you know?! Yeonjun’s a jerk, I have no clue why I ever got with that bastard in the first place! God, if you never let us meet together then you know I would’ve been happy now. Just why did everything have to turn out this way?!”
The walls of your heart you tried so hard to buttress through your words and actions crumbled with every second you spoke, disintegrating into pure dust the moment your voice leveled to reach your anger. Your chest was trembling as you choked out the last few words, unable to say anything anymore as a lump appeared in your throat. You hated being weak in front of him the most because he’s seen you so many times like this before and he’d very clearly think of you as a crybaby.
He seemed to understand this, shooting you a gently smile as some small encouragement. It was that smile that urged you to snap out of your evil trance immediately. For saying all those rude things to him, it was contradictory since at that very moment you wanted to take everything back. The guilt ate you up in an instant once you took in his dumbfound yet soft expression, causing you to envelope him in a warm embrace as contrition. He never deserved this treatment when it wasn’t even his fault anyway.
“I... I’m sorry, Soobin. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It’s just so hard on me now since I know I shouldn’t have done that with him last weekend. We didn’t do a lot, and yet I still want to say that I love him...? Even now I won’t allow myself to cry and be weak but,” your voice faltered as your body slightly shivered, “I can’t do it. I just can’t be strong anymore. It’s so hard.”
Soobin sighed, generously allowing you to lean on him like last time. You were so strong- you had always been so strong in front of him, and it hurt him to see that you were slowly breaking no matter how much you tried to stop it. He could see right through the so called smile you shot him this morning as soon as you saw him. He knew right then and there that something happened to you during the weekend and when he heard it was all about Yeonjun... he had to contain himself not to beat up his best friend or else the friendship he treasured dearly would crash, fall, and wouldn’t withstand.
However, the truth remained. Little by little, you were shattering due to Yeonjun’s actions and he could only watch helplessly as you flew freely to the ground. It was an understatement to say that he was starting to hate his best friend for doing this to you, but in the end he believed you. If you did it before, then you could do it again right? And you knew that Soobin was always right there for you no matter what.
Last month you gave it your all in order to move on. He truly admired that you kept running and running towards the future even if you felt that there was no end, a quality he secretly cherished of you. As a person, you were strong in your own way and Soobin was proud of you. He just didn’t know how to say it now without making the bright atmosphere droop. It was always like this whenever a problem with your relationship arose. He brought you closer to his arms.
“You’re not weak at all for crying, Y/N. I think you’ve been holding it for too long now. You’re always welcome to come to me, alright? I’ll save you from that stupid Yeonjun and make you happier than he ever has! You deserve someone much better. You and I both know this.”
He wiped your every tear which streamed against your cheek with his thumb gently, and somehow you finally smiled. Ardent, genuine, and sincere, your smile was enough to cause another one of his own towards you, a great deal of blinding happiness all around you. You were sure Soobin was waiting for this after a while, although it came out at a surprising time. You didn’t expect it either.
This was another feeling you couldn’t ever get enough of, for it reminded you of the time when Yeonjun asked you to be his... but comparing it to this wasn’t right at all.
No words were spoken between the two of you, but it really did mean a great deal of comfort to you. How could he offer up this ample amount of support towards you? You made a promise to yourself to make it up to him one day.
A few minutes later, you reluctantly pulled away from his sweet hug to check the time on your phone. You weren’t sure how long you’d been holding each other like this (and you really did enjoy it), but if you kept dawdling then you would miss every single afternoon class. Your eyes scanned through the upper numbers.
Crap. You already missed the first few minutes!
You scrambled to get yourself off him, pulling your bag over your shoulder in a haste. “Wait, I’ll tell you the details later!” You waved your hand for a flimsy goodbye, rushing to get every paper in your bags in check. It was a pathetic bye, that was for sure. You rushed out before Soobin could even mutter a bye, hoping to get there in good time so that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself in front of everyone. Oh, well. You’ll see him later.
Your footsteps faded away little by little and yet another set rippled through his ears through little clacks on the spotless floor. He wondered if you were coming back to ask him something but before he could turn around, sweet words that were due to a familiar tone made his heart stop in place.
“Please, take care of her for me.”
...
Upon hearing that voice Soobin halted in his tracks, looking back at a pair of warm, brown eyes that met his own. By the looks of it, he heard everything you said. Not to mention that it was the second time the boy eavesdropped at that.
“Soobin, please? You can date her even if it hurts but just please... if I can’t look after her, then who else’ll take her to her favorite restaurant?”
The pleas did not matter to him all the more, if he was being honest. This game was something he didn’t want to be involved in but looks like fate had its plans. It was obvious now. He hated this and although he said you deserved better, it was clear that the two of you were destined to be together.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
The door clamorously creaked as soon as you entered, making you cringe at the sudden but minimal heads that turned towards you. You shyly offered up a smile, reorganizing the books in your hands to pass off some of the attention somewhere else. Some of the people there were doing their own things and focused on talking to each other to an extent. You sighed gratefully. Thankfully you could sit alone at a spot where no one would notice you at the top of the row.
After you wondered where the rest of the students were and the professor whom you searched for in every direction, you gave up with a relieving drop of your shoulders and decided to sit down. Glancing at the time, you muttered how stupid you were under your breath for reading the clock wrong. You were fortunately five minutes earlier, but looks like you have to wait now until the lesson starts.
Getting situated in your spot was an easy thing and you toyed with your phone when you heard a shuffling of clothes sitting next to you on the right. It wasn’t such a good time to be socializing right now since you felt like crap but if you were going to make new friends, you might as well do so now. After all, college was supposed to be a good experience minus all the endless assignments and projects to prepare for your future.
You managed to steal a look at the person who sat right next to you but became paralyzed in your spot when you realized who it was, whipping your head where you wouldn’t be able to get distracted by him. That dazzling, blue hair was unmistakable. And the perfect, rosy lips were too! How could you not be tainted when he chose to sit next to you?! Seeing as the latter was impossible when you heard his deep voice murmur the words ‘good morning,’ a bead of sweat collected at your forehead. He was never this bold before after you broke up, and you pondered if he wanted to be good friends again after what happened. The audacity was unbelievable.
You couldn’t understand why he’d choose to be beside you when there were many more other open spots in the room. He must’ve been mocking you, making fun of you after how weak you looked a few days before.
The question was though, why the hell was he sitting right there?! Right next to you?! You could feel the words becoming stuck in your throat as you choked out a good morning back, too anxious to say anything or else it’d initiate a conversation between the two of you. That was the least thing you wanted to do as of now, wasting all your energy on the time spent convincing yourself he’d make up some small talk. That time however never came, and you were left politely smiling at the one and only Choi Yeonjun when you randomly found him staring at you.
The professor finally arrived, lifting off a heavy burden on your chest when you could’ve been dreading the lesson instead. You should’ve left before as to not create any conflict, but anymore absences and your future would’ve been as good as dead. Although you could look at the bright side now! Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to talk to you or else he’d miss some important things which would in turn affect his grades. You threw a grateful smile towards the center of the cavernous room, becoming a little bit relaxed even if some part of you was still freaking out he was that close to you.
The class was a blur, pointless information echoing throughout the room you didn’t care to learn since you were dozing off. Your mind was too busy looking back at the events that went down last weekend, becoming more tired with every second that passed. It was hard to get your brain off that addicting stuff called overthinking every single time you caught Yeonjun staring at you with tender, soft eyes. Simultaneously, you were hoping no one would call you out for daydreaming of what could’ve been, so you hid behind a tall person’s blonde head, hoping not to be caught.
Sadly, you were brought back to the room when a chorus of sighs collected together to make a violin whimper of disappointment.
“You will be working with the person beside you on the right,” the professor declared, clearing their throat while most of the class groaned altogether. Wait so that means...
In an instant, everything seemed way too overheated in the room now. Were you the only one feeling hot or what?! You knew fully what was supposed to come next since you were the only two sitting on the top, the rest of the bottom being filled out by tons of people who were tuning in to the lesson.
Sometimes life doesn’t work the way we want it to. That itself was obvious. Otherwise you’d be somewhere else being happy instead of working with this jerk!
You couldn’t help the frustration of curses you thought in your head, glaring at the boy who was giggling cutely to himself.
“Oh, looks like you’re paired up with me! I can’t wait to work with you, Y/N~” The tone of his voice made your heart skip a beat, the all too familiar teasing getting to your head. As you expected, whatever he said would have an effect on you, instantly making you heat up at how true that statement was.
Smiling, you gulped, feeling too parched all of a sudden. God only knows how much you wanted to get out of there right away. You were dying not to embarrass yourself, collecting your books together as you slathered a polite tone to your voice. Somehow you got the words out despite making clear eye contact with him way too long for your own good. It felt so wrong to say he was a masterpiece but it felt so right to keep looking at him like this.
“Where should we work?” Yeonjun asked once more.
He leaned closer to you, leaning on his hand as he maintained an direct, intent gaze. Your lips formed into a straight line, hopelessly wishing he wouldn’t see how much of a mess you were in front of him. Then he licked his lips. That was the end of you! He and you both knew that it was meant to be flirtatious. Your ears burned at the sight. Well that was enough to be looking at his eyes now! You foolishly turned away.
“Hmm, how about we meet at the bakery everyday at five? Are you okay with that?” Yeonjun suggested, raising an eyebrow to comprehend your unsure expression. You nodded your head acceptingly, albeit a bit defeated. He shouldn’t have been expecting anything. You were fine with whatever place you could meet up by, but didn’t he know that you weren’t fine working with him?!
After the quiet and easily awkward atmosphere, you turned on your heel getting up from the exhausting spot. It was much too uncomfortable for you to plan out a schedule with him, and second you weren’t able to catch the directions with him chatting it up a bunch.
Of course you wanted to be mature about the situation, but it was impossible for you. If it was another person, then you would’ve been fine. You could ask around but that itself was scary too. Your heart was in a tugging predicament with you in between, and you weren’t sure what to choose. Seems like Yeonjun was your only choice now. It would’ve helped you move on but with him right there, it would be harder to really think about yourself for once. You shot him one more look, hoping it would be the last.
“Yeonjun, don’t think you’re fooling me with this flirting. You know I can’t work with you after what you said. I’m sorry, but find someone else who’ll be open to being your partner.” You opted to get up from your seat, trying to dash away as quickly and quietly as possible until he said something that made you paralyzed as you got up.
“Y/N, please wait!”
Suddenly the world stopped and in it, you could only see the two of you with Yeonjun clinging gently to you.
He grabbed your arm before you could move to another seat, holding on tightly just to make you stay. You winced at how warm it was compared to your shaking arm, avoiding his vulnerable eyes due to embarrassment. You didn’t know how you were supposed to do this project anyway when you couldn’t even look at him in the first place.
“I know, and I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done whatever we did while we were drunk and bothered you like that. Just... can you work with me this once? I want you to get a good grade with me.”
Gradually, his words became inaudible at the end, as if too ashamed to say it out loud. It was an understatement to say what he said was surprising. Therefore you couldn’t help but gasp at how vulnerable he got when you tried to move away from him when you thought he would’ve let you go after what happened. It was clearly too much for you to see his adorable puppy dog eyes, glistening and sparkling with sincerity when you safely decided to look back at him, feeling weak in the knees with uncertainty of what to say.
And although you wanted to say no so badly, you spoke without thinking and murmured something only he could hear.
“Okay then... Let’s do well.”
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
Before you knew it, five pm rolled by and you were face-to-face at the bakery where Yeonjun was waiting for you. At this point, you were reluctant to go through with this since you could easily say you hadn’t found anyone to do the project with. But knowing that the teacher was stubborn and hardheaded when they made plans like these, it would be impossible to convince him to let you work alone. Plus, you actually got ready instead of throwing your favorite hoodie this time! You couldn’t let all your extra effort and special preparing to go to waste just because it was Yeonjun.
And gosh, you just had to remind yourself it was Yeonjun again.
The advances were simple. You had brought all your heavy books relating to the subject, hoping they’d be able to help but now all they seemed to do was weigh you down from getting the door. The wind was heartless, sending icy gusts through your clothes as you heaved out a sigh. It would’ve been good if you just left now instead. But this would only make matters worse. You swiped your phone again, purposely ignoring the contact name of ‘Stupid Mean Jerk Jjuniebug.’ He hadn’t texted you yet saying he was there so you hesitated a tiny bit before reaching for the golden door handle and eventually going inside.
The warm smell of cookies, cakes, and a variety of baked breads welcomed your nose, making the corners of your lips turn up with satisfaction. Out of all the distractions in the world, the Boulangerie was such a perfect place to go to do anything, really. If it wasn’t for your stupid project, you’d probably relax and enjoy a cup of your favorite drink paired with one of the delights they had here! It sounded like flawless idea. Happily, you made a mental memorandum in your head to plan out a day with Soobin where the two of you could hang out and tell stories to each other. He would definitely enjoy this place because of all of the bread you could order.
Surprisingly, Yeonjun was there already and you assumed he was writing something important down due to the determined expression on his face. He furrowed an eyebrow, slightly biting is lip while you inched towards him. You couldn’t help the smile that arose on your cheeks because of how endearing he looked as he worked hard, holding tightly to the books in your arms when you finally came close to him.
He looked up from his little notes of hearts and bunnies he was doodling as soon as a pair of shoes made unpretentious clitter-clacks, eyes lighting up with admiration when he realized that it was you standing there.
“I ordered your favorite dessert while waiting for you. Do you still like it?”
The words got stuck in your throat. He got you something? He must’ve been thinking of your arrival too attentively otherwise there’s no way that was true, but gosh did Yeonjun prove you wrong in a second.
Glancing at the sweets before you paired with a dainty teacup of your favorite drink, a gasp left your lips that embodied awe since he still remembered what you liked to order whenever you came to the Boulangerie with him. The snow white lace of the table fabric created flashbacks in your mind and you tensed up in realization. You hadn’t come here in two months- the last time you were able to picture your last date with him. Although, that wasn’t the point at all.
You were not to be expecting anything after the two of you separated even if the two of you were exes. It was just in Yeonjun’s moral codes in life to be kind to anybody and especially you whenever he please just because it was normal to him. You adored how pure he was, but at the same time you couldn’t shake how he acted towards you almost two months ago. That hostile expression on his face- one you’d never seen before- couldn’t ever be erased from your memory no matter how much effort you put in it.
But the past was the past. No bad things could happen like that now, could it? It was all because the two of you broke up. You were exes.
And yet, you could smile freely like nothing of the sort happened towards the two of you. After all, it was the right thing to do wasn’t it? Yeonjun would’ve wanted you to do that too, you knew it deep inside despite desiring to deny it. To move on and not have any feelings of pent up frustration and anger towards each other. Joy swelled in your heart at how much maturity you were gaining because of heartbreak. Maybe the two of you could be friends. Maybe.
“Thank you so much for doing this even if you didn’t have to, Yeonjun. I’m surprised you even came since your friends are much more interesting than me. I’m glad that you did though.”
You decided to take a bite in the delicacy, immediately not regretting the dulcet decision as you relished in the simple sweetness that came with it. Honestly, you missed this wonderful, mouth watering taste so much! Just like what you remembered, you shut your eyes in pure content, not being able to take in the sight of the boy in front of you who chuckled to himself.
Yeonjun heaved a breath of amusement from his chest, cheek laying down on his hand again as his eyes showed nothing but the sincere feeling of endearment towards you. He shifted comfortably on his side, grabbing one of the crimson, bright strawberries from his plate as he bit onto the juicy tip of it.
“You know, you’re always cute when you smile like that,” he whispered, not caring whether or not you heard it- which you obviously did.
You puffed your cheeks out at this.
“Shut up...! We’re here for a project, remember? Not to... flirt, silly.”
The mischievous yet saccharine grin on his face made you flustered and you glanced away from him, pretending to look at the tray of enclosed desserts that you saw when you first entered the bakery. You couldn’t allow yourself to become distracted like this! Not to mention that looking at him straight through doesn’t seem to help either!
“Oh, but when I look at you I can’t seem to focus on anything else. I’m being serious here; I just really can’t seem to take my eyes off you.”
The slamming yet gentle sound of you slamming the spoon you were holding on the table gave everything away and his eyes turned into euphoric crescents that only signaled delight.
“Yeonjun, I said shut your trap. All these cheesy compliments and I’ll... we have to do our project, so please cooperate and let’s put our work together to actually do something good.” You pulled your books together in a pile, acting as if you were really doing something in order to distract him from teasing you. The raging beat of your heart begged to differ, so you hoped he wouldn’t hear it or else that would give him another reason to make you flustered.  
“As you wish, princess. We’ll work so well together that you’ll miss me once I drop you home!”
Princess...?
He’ll drop you home...?
You groaned in annoyance at the nickname and offer although you kind of enjoyed it, wanting to smack Yeonjun in the mouth for not listening to your request. He must’ve been deaf or something because the whole time he kept throwing coy phrases you’d never heard before or trying to whine about how much work it all was for the two of you.
You were only starting to understand how annoying he was whenever he got cranky and dozed off for thirty minutes, leaving you to search through all those books and gather information yourself which was luckily a lot of help. It was a nice silence for a while but once he got back to annoying you endlessly, you swore you could rip all your hair off from the frustration building up from inside of you.
How were you going to do a week of working with him when you couldn’t even look at him in the eye every time he made pouty, kissing lips? Or take him seriously whenever he called you a pet name for that matter? You wished future you the best luck, unfortunately not knowing what would arrive in the times to come.
...
“Hey, could you look at this for a second? I’m having trouble if I should or more exactly- how I should put this down when it makes no sense.”
You laughed at how clueless he was when it came to his favorite subject, shuffling right beside him to see what he was struggling with. It was too natural, too suspicious for the both of you not to know this. You contained the snickers of mock once you put it all together, silently calling him stupid in your head for not being able to jot down this simple effortless thing. You twisted your body towards the notes, enough for your shoulders to meet together.
Little did you know that Yeonjun only wanted you to come close to him, and it was more than suffice to say it worked out in his favor.
You were explaining everything to him but the only thing he could focus on was the little things about you. The bitty, endearing gestures of your hands while you connected two of the subjects, the way your chest heaved up and down when you took a tiny breath of air, and even how your lips opened and closed was enough for Yeonjun’s fluffy cheeks to heat up and bloom into a rosy red. The words droned off as it echoed between the two of you, easily becoming pointless since he wasn’t paying attention anyway.
A couple of seconds passed between the two of you when the bakery suddenly became silent, and he gripped the pencil he dropped earlier on the table as you shot him a shy smile. Yeonjun’s knuckles became white with every second his stare lingered on you. You were way too cute for your own good, and you didn’t even know it- so why was he surprised? He, too, was hoping you wouldn’t be able to notice the aggressive thumping in his chest.
“Yeonjun? You got all of that, right?” Your symphony-like voice snapped him from out of his trance.
“Okay, then I’ll put that down,” he breathed tiredly.” It looks like he was getting exhausted too, huh? You were about to say a few words of encouragement until he cut you off with his own.
“We’re almost done researching; just hang in there, alright? You’ve been doing so well, Y/N.”
The gentle, supporting words was enough to send ripples through your heart and you nodded your head, all the while checking through what you noted and what you forgot. You wanted to keep thinking about what he said and how it motivated you to keep going. You didn’t want to upset you and most definitely not him. However, the fatigue coating your eyes was too much and you slowly closed the heavy lids, head slowly turning to the side before you fell on something all too familiar.
A sudden yet light weight on his shoulder made him look up from what he was writing down, stunning him in his spot when he saw you had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He must’ve known that this much thinking wore you out after such a long while. A tender smile decorated his lips and he took in your every feature, hoping to draw out the face that made him feel alive.
“She’s so cute...” He grabbed his jacket from the side he’d taken off earlier, laying it gently upon you with his other hand as if it was something he’d done since the beginning of time. You nuzzled your cheek against his way too comfortable shoulder, becoming more snug with each minute that passed by. He couldn’t help the skip in his heartbeat when you muttered his favorite nickname in your sleep, this ‘Jjuniebug’ being much more different compared to the past because he knew you were dreaming of him.
When such a sight like this was to be treasured by anyone, he decided he didn’t want to work anymore. Like the gentleman he was, he gathered your books together, pushing your plate to the side before laying his head against yours. He intertwined your hands with his, grinning gently from ear to ear at the warmness he felt from inside.
He stole one more glance at you, fingers delicately dancing from your cheekbone all the way to your chin, tracing your jaw as gingerly as he could. This was what he was hoping for after such a long time of not receiving it. That itself was rightfully so, yet having you near meant the world and so much more to him.
Then he glanced out the window where rain was drizzling, creating a dreading gray atmosphere which was nothing but chaos. It could’ve been something that alerted him on such a dreary day, making him anxious at how he was going to get home in a mess. But to him, he wouldn’t trade this peaceful present. Always, he wanted to be close to you like this. It couldn’t have been too much to ask, honestly.
“Tell me,” he said to no one in particular, “how can you make a moment last forever?”
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
Tuesday passed as quickly as Monday did and you swiftly got prepared for five pm later. You were bouncing with excitement, ready to see the boy who’d been waiting for you over at the library, a place you decided together when he texted you during lunch break. To be true to yourself, you couldn’t wait to work with him. All day you were waiting for the horrid, slow hours to pass of lectures and countless assignments online, lingering silently through the minutes that seemed to go by forever in hopes that everything would go faster. The relief you felt when you were dismissed for the day and the joy that swelled in your heart when you went home, preparing yourself as best you could.
You didn’t understand why you were buzzing with energy over meeting someone like this, for wasn’t it true the two of you were exes? Two months ago you broke up; that was quite obvious. It didn’t help that and that number one: he was a jerk after a while of dating you, and number two: he was probably playing with your heart if you decided to be smart. But then again you always rewarded that guilty pleasure by saying the past was the past and he bought you your favorite delicacy. He may have hurt you before and because of that, you promised yourself you wouldn’t ever date him ever again.
With that thought in mind you threw your favorite outfit on that you planned just the night before, looking in the mirror twice just to make sure you looked okay. Deep down you knew it was a lie to say you weren’t doing these special things for him, trying to convince yourself that in doing so- this dressing up would do your ego a favor. Yeonjun didn’t have to see this, not at all! It was all because you wanted to look decent. Just that.
So sneakily, you crept out of the house while slipping your shoes on since nobody would notice you were gone. You checked your phone at least twice before opening the door, clearly not ready for the surprising sight your eyes landed upon as soon as you left home.
In front of you was the boy who had taken your mind captive all day, smiling from ear to ear as his fingers combed gently through his blue hair.
You gasped at how he actually came to your house after teasing yesterday that he would, but you never knew he’d carry out his plan. He would keep poking your cheek while saying something under his breath like how he’d visit you one day to pick you up. He would never do that, right? Well no, you were extremely wrong and just a day after your project date went well.
Nonetheless, you couldn’t stop the touched grin on your face to know he was waiting for you.
“Hey, Y/N,” he shyly giggled and that itself made your heart skip a beat, “let’s walk to the library together today, alright? Wait, let me take your books, please!”
Even with your protests and several no’s, he still took your books and placed it snugly against his left arm, teasing about how light they were together. You glared at him for a second before taking a few steps when he suddenly grabbed your hand.
You turned around, eyes wide in a daze.
“What is it?”
An overwhelming heat rose up to your cheeks and ears, making you feel hot in the face as you realized he was still holding on.
“If it isn’t too much to ask, can I hold your hand today? I really miss the warm feeling you gave me last summer.”
He held his hand out expectantly, waiting for you to take it on your own accord. You easily obliged- albeit a bit hesitantly- putting your hand against his and allowing him to guide you to wherever- whenever he wanted. The way his eyes lit up as he lead you to the place was precious, making you feel soft with endearment at how gentle he treated you.
Now this? This was bad. So, so bad.
On the day you left Yeonjun’s house in tears, you weren’t expecting any of this to happen. You weren’t sure how you could trust him so easily after everything he’s done- maybe it was the way you felt his sincerity in every smile he sent you or how tenderly he had grabbed your hand just now, but the happiness bottling up inside you did not lie. You felt pure jubilation whenever you saw him.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
It was Wednesday.
Wednesday, the middle of the school days where you desperately wanted to claw your eyes out from how tedious everything was. Wednesday, a day where nothing significant happened but nothing too horrible happened either. Wednesday, a reminder that you only had two days left- counting today and Thursday- to work with Yeonjun. You hated the bitter taste of having to really say goodbye, but the future had to be on the brighter side then. After this, you swore you wouldn’t ever see him and his damn handsome face for another accidental time.
Just about reaching four in the afternoon, you decided to go with Soobin over to the Boulangerie where you’d been promising yourself to take him since Monday. It was luck on your side today that you actually went out for some fresh air, carrying out some of the awaiting plans you had on your checklist. Sometimes it was nice to have a breather in the middle of the week when everything else was distracting.
It started off as usual, and you realized you hadn’t seen him since that very day of hearing Yeonjun’s offer to be your partner. To be quite honest, you didn’t really think about telling him since it shouldn’t be that important, but the boy knew it was important just by from the hesitance in your expressions. His fingers placed the glass filled with chocolate milk on the table gently and curiously prodded.
“Y/N? You’ve been acting strange lately; is everything okay?”
You glanced up from the china plate, eyes widening with surprise. You weren’t sure what he was talking about. It couldn’t have been anything important, could it? Or were you being so obvious about your giant, giant problem?
“Yeah, everything is fine, Bin! Trust me, there isn’t anything going wrong but I guess you could say that... from your perspective.”
You made sure to look at the way he reacted and seeing how his head titled with wonder, you chose to give it a try.
“Well... I should’ve called you about this but I’m working with Yeonjun for a project. We have to turn it in by Friday, but we’ve been doing stuff on it since Monday. It doesn’t mean anything though, and we’re supposed to meet up at the park (Moonlight) today.” You intentionally left out the fact he asked you and those sweet moments since you were afraid of his reaction.
You knew he was one to be respectful and kind no matter the person, although because of all this tugging back and forth between his best friends- you couldn’t blame him for wanting to sock either one of you for being so stupid. And stupid were you and Yeonjun for not being able to get enough of each other, at least that’s how you viewed it. Soobin wouldn’t dare to hurt either one of you since the two of you were best friends; physically wouldn’t cut it. You hoped he would just remain patient like he’d always have- one thing you were grateful for, obviously, instead of freaking out at the recent moments you’ve experienced.
That being said, the look on Soobin’s face was absolutely priceless once you told him about your predicament.
“You two? On a project? TOGETHER?!”
Glumly you nodded your head, expecting him to say something but his mouth was filled with shock to the brim that he couldn’t even bring himself to say anything.
“Yup, that’s true. You didn’t know about it?” To say the least, you were surprised he didn’t know about it since Yeonjun was one to trust him about everything. Little things like this would count, yes, and you could very vividly remember how he blabbed to Soobin when you first started dating about how to keep a girl on her period happy.
In response, he shook his head, hand still glued covering his mouth. Your lips slightly turned upwards at his melodramatic feedback.
“No, he didn’t tell me anything at all about it! Why are you guys keeping secrets from me?”
Ouch, that stung. But at the same time, what were you expecting?
“That’s a surprise. I thought he couldn’t keep his mouth--”
The deafening, shuffling sound of the store bell rang throughout your ears, causing you to shudder at the intermittent sound. This was a popular Boulangerie so you didn’t need to be surprised whenever a new customer came in, but it stunned you at the worst times. You shrugged at Soobin’s suddenly ghost white reaction, thinking he was just kidding with you again and went back to the cup of a refreshing drink. Honestly, you couldn’t care less about it unless it was someone you knew.
You lifted the cup to pass through your lips until the familiar sight of messy radiant, blue hair caught the peripheral vision of your eye.
It had to be him. It couldn’t be anyone else.
“Y-Yeonjun...?”
As your heart dropped to your stomach, your voice broke out gently, making you the only person to hear it muffled with both distress and disbelief. There was no possible way you were witnessing what was happening in front of you. You didn’t want to believe it, squinting your eyes over and over again just to get a good look. It was still him no matter what you did, no matter what you changed.
Somehow, he didn’t notice you.
He sat down at a table, sending a sugary smile towards an alluring girl who sent him the same one back. Your back became rigid at the too close proximity of their faces. They chatted for a little bit about anything that could cross their minds, obviously flirting with the stares sent back and forth and back again until it turned into a full discussion- both of them laughing their hearts out. Happiness from the ideal ‘couple’ (as anyone could’ve mistaken them) spread around the Boulangerie contagiously, making everyone awe at the sight of them fully enjoying themselves. But you? You? Your heart shattered piece by piece while watching this play out.
Too many questions flooded in your mind at once as well as too many insecurities, paralyzing you in your spot as you couldn’t find the correct way to breathe again. It was getting too hard to find the air in, you realized. Soobin called your name out many times- to get you to listen, to get you out of your stupid trance, to get you to do anything else in the world but look because it’d hurt you just as much as it did for him!
To this, you were only sitting still, staring and staring like a dormant painting hanging in a museum just to find out that you wouldn’t ever be able to change anything, but only see the people in front of you. You didn’t want to look at the face of pain in front of you but... if you looked away then something else might happen.
You cradled yourself in your arms, trying to stop the icy cold breeze that whirled pass your rips and over to the tips of your toes. It didn’t make sense to you. Why even bother putting effort into winning him back? You wouldn’t be able to be as good enough. You shouldn’t have even tried in the first place.
You gulped down those insecurities again, trying to calm your shaking hands.
It wasn’t possible to be that perfect... not at all. She was such a stunning girl, the epitome of everything you weren’t and what you didn’t have. She had such sparkling eyes, such a gorgeous smile, and not to mention an impeccable complexion that had every single girl in the world jealous. Everything about her was simply perfect and that drowned your own specialties into the deepest ocean called hatred.
Once again you glanced at Yeonjun who seemed to be having fun with the deep chuckles and smiles he was freely giving up. Oh, how bad you wanted it to be you but this reminder was one that gave you a wake up call. You never really had a chance in the first place.
He then turned his head a little to the side, ultimately being able to see you sitting next to Soobin just like you had planned. His honeyed brown eyes changed from smug into something unreadable you couldn’t put your finger on before changing in a split second to look back at the girl.
The decision dawned on you, and you clenched your fists until you felt flashing, white pain run through your fingers.
He didn’t even care.
You were stupid enough to believe he actually liked you back again. You were stupid enough to think that with all these sweet interactions and words, he was warming up to you for another countless time. You were stupid to think he was being truthful that drunken night, saying he needed you clearly as much as you needed him. Finally, you were stupid enough to think he loved you. Now the proof was smack dab in your face, blinding you from your goal of hating him, and you were such a fool to be thinking he would really be yours after such a long while.
The glossy tears gathered in your eyes, angry, frustrated but pointless words with no explanation becoming more stuck in your throat when you glanced once more at the sight across from you. Time passed by through the regal clock, ringing in an ear and out the other. One way or another, you needed to get out of there and you needed it to be now.
You hastily slung your bag filled with papers over your shoulders, making sure you hid the flowing tears from everyone’s sight. Just one turn and he’d probably see you so pitiful at the wrong time. You certainly didn’t want to look pathetic, especially not in front of Yeonjun, whom you still loved with all your heart.
In a dash, you aggressively swiped the entrance of the door handle and into the day where you just wanted to disappear. Bell ringing haphazardly behind you, you weren’t able to perceive you were out of the bakery until another customer ignored your everblooming sadness, struggling behind you to get the door. Tears soon fell on the ground after holding them in for too long, signaling your vulnerability as you crouched down behind the bakery to let everything keeping your heart captive out. This time, for real, you really weren’t going to see him again even if it meant your grades being obliterated.
You hated him. You hated him so much for what he did back there.
And yet here you were, running away from your problems again.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
“Y/N?”
It was a mistake. It was all a mistake. You shouldn’t have pressed accept without looking at the contact name. You were just so stupid that it was funny. Just another one of the reasons why he wouldn’t ever want to date you again. How could you blame him for breaking up with you?
“Y/N, you there?”
He was seeing another girl, you should’ve known. Why didn’t you know? Why did you have to be such a fool to be used in the first place? And why the hell were you sad about it when you could be using this opportunity to be getting over him?!
“Y/N, you’re not responding and I’m getting worried. Is there something I can do? Please...?”
You were just exes. Exes, for crying out loud! Exes. That’s all.
“Y/N, if you’re there just-”
“yeah, I’m right here,” you murmured quietly, caring any less that he might have not heard you in the end. If he was able to really see how you accidentally looked at him earlier, then surely he would’ve known how the world crashed on your shoulders just by looking at you. Oh, but it was funny wasn’t it? It didn’t matter anyway. After all, he wouldn’t give a damn right? Not what he did back there he wouldn’t.
Because of that, you realized that this conversation with him was not needed. Whether it was because of the project or if it was for a favor, you wouldn’t be able to do it without looking weak in his eyes. Your finger hovered over the red button, tempted to press hang up until again, his act of using a concerned voice tugged painfully on your heart strings.
“Wait, are you okay? Do you need me to be there? Something’s wrong, I know you’re not okay,” he tried for another time, breathing through the call tiredly as if he was oblivious to what went on earlier. The hate for him smoldered in your chest, and your fingers tightened around the phone so arduously that they turned white, shaking hysterically.
“No, I...” you felt your voice break, and you covered the change in pitch by clearing your throat. With the lump so gigantic that you couldn’t even breathe, it hurt to tell him a lie, much less speak at that moment. You put on a tone to make it more believable. “Everything’s fine. Just busy right now.”
“You’re lying,” he whispered so softly into the receiver you were wondering yourself if you had heard him in the first place. You forced yourself to laugh at his statement, but it came naturally, knowing it was all too true.
“I’m not lying, I promise! I just took a nap, that’s all. No need to be so worked up over me.” You figured that teasing him would be the best way to cover up your sorrow, giggling alongside him because you were so bad at lying. Nonetheless, you hoped he would take this approach, waiting silently on the floor for his best answer.
On the other side he hummed hesitantly, mumbling a few words that you couldn’t quite comprehend because you knew he didn’t want to hear them. You barely noticed you were in the corner holding yourself, rocking back and forth as the anticipation of just hanging up crept up on you.
Before you could start, Yeonjun grumbled in concern.
“Well... okay then. But if you really want to convince me you’re fine then you’ll keep your promise and meet at Moonlight today. We still have a lot to do, so let’s meet up at the usual time. You’ll be there, right?”
“Um... I...”
What else could you say? It would be rude to decline and you weren’t in the mood to lie after all that. Well, he didn’t buy it all but at least he got off the topic. You were thankful to him for not budging, although this had to be one of the worst things he could ever suggest. Not only about how you feel in the end but about the project too. As far as you were concerned, you only a little left so you were able to work separately anyway. He didn’t have to go so far to do things his way, but this would show you he didn’t need you at all.
You spoke on impulse hastily after the long, deafening silence.
“Yeah, okay. S-see you then.”
Abruptly, you hung up before the tears could start again. Not even letting him throw in a sincere goodbye to your predicament.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
Just like what you remembered, Moonlight was still a breathtaking place where the golden sun shone during the day and the moon peeked out from the dim curtains of nighttime. You sighed, staring longingly at the beautiful scenery before you and sat down under one of the trees. It’d been so long since you chose to come here, especially by yourself this time. There were happy memories that came along with this place and you didn’t want to think about the bad ones, of course. However everywhere you looked, it would only remind you of him and that was the least thing you wanted to have at the back of your mind right now.
Checking the time, you made sure you didn’t arrive too early or too late. It was a few minutes after five and true to your word, you actually came. You were surprised at yourself for showing up voluntarily with your mind in such a bad condition, acting as if you were okay just for a stupid project. If you’d done this earlier, you would’ve definitely said no. Perhaps it was the way he was worried about you- although, you thought it was fishy- that you wanted to come. Maybe then you would’ve gotten the attention you wanted after all this time, with this being the final time you’ll see him.
Eventually, you saw the familiar blue haired boy arrive just a quarter after your planned time. He was panting heavily and you swore you almost felt bad for him until the image of him catching eyes with you from earlier rearranged your thought process by miles. You stood up expectantly as he ran over to you, planting his hands on his knees in order to regain breath.
“So sorry for being late, Y/N,” he choked out restlessly, taking your hands into his as an apology. He held them tightly in place, squeezing in an attempt to excuse himself for why he was late. Instantly you gasped at the contact, slowly pulling away so that he wouldn’t realize that you more or less hated his affection. At times when you’d be melting at this, you failed to realize that your suspicions were true and he was playing you behind your back.
A tight lipped smile that screamed passive-aggressiveness became of your lips and you were eager to take a few steps away from him, shuffling to get under the spot you sat earlier. You backed away a little bit but weren’t able to get far because your shoes slipped from something shaped like a square underneath you. The breath was knocked off your lungs as you fell towards the ground and you plunged back, waiting to hit the ground. That is, until someone caught you by the waist.
You opened your eyes after a few seconds of waiting and as soon as you did... you felt all the blood rush up into your face.
“Y-Yeonjun...”
You weren’t expecting anything like this. Nothing sweet like this at all! Said boy was intently gazing at you, holding you by the waist as you were too shocked to say or hell- even do anything with him this close. Your head tilted away to the side this time, trying to think of anything else that would stop the intermittent pace of your heart beats. Gossiping with Soobin about what happened just now, the way you fell at school a few years earlier and embarrassed yourself and how he helped you up out of everyone else right after, the first moment you laid eyes on him and met the blue haired boy just like that... But no, all you could think of was him, him, and only him!
He seemed to be getting a kick out of this, teasing you with an adorable smile that had you awestruck.
“Were you scared...? Don’t worry about it anymore; I’ll always be here to catch you when you fall, I promise.”
It was then that he started to lean in after chuckling at your shyness, bringing your face closer to his as his eyes ran across yours. Your breath quickened just by looking back at him turn towards you- his gorgeous eyelashes that you felt the need to count each, his nose that was sculpted by the angels, his cherry blossom pink lips you so desperately needed- memorizing every valley on his face as you had done earlier when the two of you dated. Oh wait, dated...?
In a moment, you flung yourself off him. What were you doing with him?! Whatever this was and whatever he was doing- it wasn’t right! It just wasn’t right... It wasn’t right when he was choosing to see someone else, and that girl back there no matter how much you couldn’t help but despise her- did not deserve it. It wasn’t right.
Your legs felt like jelly, unable to stand by yourself as you carried out an attempt to get away from him. It didn’t seem so long ago that you couldn’t get enough of him but now you were itching to be left alone. You wanted to deal with this yourself, not reignite the fire of the hopes that he would return back. He lost that chance and you lost the chance of loving him again- even if yes, you still did love him. It was enough for you anyway- the love he gave you before only serving as a unreachable memory. You realized you needed to relinquish him.
Immediately you pushed him off you, watching the sweet expression on his face bend into something broken. The distance between you became even farther and farther with every breath your chest heaved. You gulped.
“I’m fine. Let’s just get to work so we can finish this,” you deadpanned, bringing your books that used to be laying dormant on the green grassland against your chest, moving under the tree where he broke up with you. This way you would be able to remind yourself that it wasn’t meant to be.
Surprised by your ill nature, Yeonjun nodded carefully, deciding to ponder in his head what was making you act this way instead of asking more questions. There was obviously something wrong, but he didn’t want to bother you more. To him he was unable to think of what he had done wrong and certainly hated the tense atmosphere when you refused to touch him, much less look at him. He just went along with it unknowingly like a fool that it was because of him the whole time.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
It was too hard to concentrate.
Your eyes searched despondently over the materials over and over and over again to write down something- anything that could possibly benefit the project, but it didn’t help at all that your mind was still on the boy sitting in front of you. Like a mantra, the memories of him smiling with that flawless girl kept replaying in your head as many more times as you bit by bit became insane with wrenching love.
Again, you couldn’t help but steal another glance at him before quickly ducking back down so he wouldn’t be able to catch you staring. He looked so peaceful while retracing his steps in the books, laying on his hand as a stand for his cheek. You hated how he could act so fine while you were left with nothing but hate towards him. Could you even call it hate anyway? It wasn’t true at all.
Yeonjun’s soothing voice snapped you out from your daze of pity, but it did the least to heal you and your pathetic attitude.
“Hey, do you think we could rest a second? I might fall asleep here if we have to keep reading about this nonsense stuff.”
You didn’t look up from your book, allowing him easy access to rest on your shoulder as silently as he could. His heart leaped with joy in his chest, but there was no chance he’d ever say it out loud. He graciously laid his head down upon it, becoming enamoured with your scent as he reached out to touch your hand. This need of affection easily leveled the desire which screamed out he needed you, but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever get an opportunity to be yours again.
You, on the other hand, was dying to tell him you loved him- but it wasn’t right when he simply had the same love as you for another girl.
But at the same time, you wanted to be strong. You had to be strong in order to convince him you were doing fine without him even if the truth was far from that. You had to put on a mask to hide the pain you were going through just because of him and his stupid, contagious smile that makes you grin every time you see it. You had to be strong, otherwise you’d never fool him that you needed him more than anything or anybody you’ve ever wanted. You had to be strong... but why were all your actions simply betrayed you no matter what you did?
“Get off me.”
Your shoulders started to shake aimlessly, shuddering when you felt his head bury more into the crook of your skin. He must’ve not heard anything, and you clenched your jaw until it twitched with pain.
“I said, get off me!”
As hard as you could, you pushed him off you- enough that you were just inches apart from him. It didn’t compare to the distance between you that you came to note before.
The tears were hot against your cheeks and you collapsed into your shaking hands, unable to hold it in anymore. In all your life, you’ve never felt so humiliated before just because a boy lied to you willingly. You felt pathetic.
To say the least, Yeonjun was taken aback, his eyes wide with shock as he hopelessly reached out his hand to you. All the love you bore just for him crashed into waves upon your chest, and you slapped his fingers away harshly before he could even say something.
Miserably you hid your face from him, not allowing him to see such a mess that he caused by his own hands.
“Who even are you? Are you the Choi Yeonjun who broke up with me or are you someone else?! I don’t understand how you can act like this after everything that happened... tell me, are you just playing with me or something?”
“Y/N, that’s not what I meant to do...” he tried tiredly, scooting closer to no avail as you turned your back away from him.
You laughed at his words, still not being able to look at him straight in the eye.
“Not what you meant to do? You’re telling me that it’s not what you meant to do?! Then who- who was she? Because it seemed to me that you were happier with her than you could’ve ever been with me!”
The silence that broke you apart was too deafening as you caught another look at him.
“Y/N, that’s not true... just listen, please,” Yeonjun begged, gazing at you desperately with unreadable but melancholy expression that had you on edge. He knew that you wouldn’t stay if he physically bound you in his embrace, but he had no clue what to do or what to say. He just wanted- no, needed you to really live.
Your heart broke all the more at the words he tried to pick up in order to explain- which you were sure he could hear even if he seemed very far. Easily you trashed his attempt away, getting up from your spot since you didn’t want to hear anything- anymore lies that would hurt the person you tried so hard to protect and shield away from the inevitable demise of love... that was you.
Yeonjun hurriedly got up along with you, leaving the pile of your books abandoned on the floor as he rushed out to match your pace. He ran with all his might to catch up with you but every time he reached your side- you would push him away like earlier and he didn’t have time to find his breath.
“Yeonjun, leave her alone. Haven’t you done enough, already?”
Seconds later upon hearing another voice, you rushed to someone else’s side, hoping that he would be able to protect you from the danger. It was pitiful with you standing right behind him as if that would help, but it did more than what you could ever be grateful for.
Yeonjun tensed up at his spot, stunned to see Soobin when he could’ve sworn nobody else was at Moonlight. In his mind, he could see the two of you right there apart from everything else- the two friends that looked so good together... it had to be much better than him after what he’d done. He came to a thought, letting his guard down while words of Soobin asking too many questions towards you occupied his head.
“I knew it. I knew you two were dating. I-I should’ve known,” he mumbled under his breath, his morals paralyzing him in place as he dropped his gaze towards at the ground instead.
Somehow Soobin heard this muttering and smugly smirked at this silly situation, taking a fresh opportunity that could probably boost destiny’s way before hiding it with a deep frown. He pulled you flush against his chest, holding you when you surprisingly really needed it from someone else.
“You finally figured this out? Leave us alone; you lost your chance the minute you broke up with her, pal.”
As Soobin dragged you along, you took one last look towards Yeonjun and gasped when you saw along with yours- two longing eyes flowing with tears that were nothing short of love. You wanted to reach out to help him not to cry like that even if he hurt you, but it would never work out and he’d leave you just like he’d done before. This only showed that you weren’t meant to be, never in a million years.  
And with that you left with the help of Soobin, leaving Yeonjun alone at Moonlight. Time passed to the point where he gazed upon the stars- wishing that you would come back because he wanted to say he still loved you- by himself.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
It was Thursday, the final day where the two of you would ultimately finish this project. The death of having an obligation which ripped your heart out, for better or for worse. The demise of whatever love you shared. The end of seeing him because you really wanted- no, you needed to. Everything was over in a blink of an eye and you were left feeling bittersweet about the situation... more bitter compared to sweet because you wanted more time with him. You knew deep down inside it wasn’t too much to ask, but... ending this would be for the better. It must be.
You were on your usual pathway home from the library after trying to bribe the librarian to excuse you from losing your books (when you actually accidentally left it there with him) while along the way thinking about what to do to make a grand finish for the project. Since the two of you worked on it a lot for a few hours before you exploded on him- something you weren’t sorry for in the least bit because it got your feelings out- it was safe to say that he wouldn’t bother you about it anymore. He finished his side, you were assuming, so he didn’t have to see you for the time being unless he ever decided to talk it out with you. Other than the fact that you totally hurt him back there, it honestly served you a great victory on a silver platter as you waited for the dragged out day to be over.
It was petty, of course it was! But after what he did back there at the Boulangerie while not to mention, make eye contact with you- sweet revenge had to be one of the best tastes a connoisseur could ever call upon.
And the project? Oh yeah, that’s right. It was a good thing that it was the final day so you wouldn’t have to act civil with him, for better or for worse.
After a few more blocks finally, you made it home, causing you to sigh out in relief. Hurriedly you grabbed your keys from your purse, fumbling with several of them to find the one that fit perfectly. The familiar touch never came though, and you groaned loudly, cursing yourself in your head for forgetting it in the library. It was when you set it down next to the book you were reading before you confronted the librarian- poor old woman- and somehow, you forgot to pick it up the second you got up.
Great, now this.
You opted to stare at the horizon in front of you, letting the breeze freely cool down your body. The sight was nothing less than pretty. It was a windy, golden sunny day outside but you didn’t want anything to do with it. All day you were planning to mope around the house and watch your favorite shows, procrastinating ‘til the last minute until the due date of every assignment arrived. They hit differently whenever you grabbed a bag of chips downstairs to finish them along with the homework, and you giggled at every moment that flashed in your head.
There was nothing else better to do but call Soobin, right? Although you didn’t want to bother him because these months have definitely been annoying for him whether he said it or not.
Defeated, you then stared down into the white porch as if it was at fault, feeling fear rise up your throat. What were you going to do? There was no one else you had given the key to, except...
“Y/N? Can we talk?”
Oh, no. Oh, no... Oh no no no!
When you heard that voice you were instantly glued to that spot, feet affixed on the porch as your heart beat too fast for its own good. Your mind must’ve been hallucinating and playing tricks on you; clearly you weren’t ready to see him yet!
Swiftly you moved your head to the side, eyes widening with appall to see that he was actually right there. Expression nothing less than sorrow, hair messed up and fluffy right in front of his eyes, cherry blossom lips curved into a trembling frown: it was Yeonjun, alright, but yet it was someone you couldn’t recognize due to the complete change of attitude in him. He was tightly holding onto your books but seemingly refusing to hand them over as if that would do anything better and increase the need for conversation. Unlike his stiff posture, his eyes held firm intent though, and you quivered at the determination sewn in them.
“Do you need anything?”
Instead of acting childish like you played out in your head, you simply responded it a curt voice because it was better than saying nothing and benefiting the sworn silence. More than anything you wanted to get out of there and leave the awkward tension, but there was nothing else you could possibly do without embarrassing yourself due to the fact you lost your keys.
“I... I...” This time, he avoided your eyes, words caught in his throat as he couldn’t find the exact thing to say. It wouldn’t make things any better, you realized. It just wasn’t meant to be.
You pursed your lips, locking them into a line. Whatever he had to say- it didn’t matter. Plus, there was another thing. As your eyes were already tearing up, it would be hard to stay for long to listen to his words. There was no telling what you’d say if tears automatically streamed down your cheeks.
“If you don’t have anything to say, then I’ll l-leave. We can just work on the project separa-”
Clack!
Clack!
Clack!
Before you could even stay true to your words, Yeonjun took slow steps towards you that had you walking backwards... without you looking.
Soon enough your back hit the door, and you gasped at the close proximity between the two of you now as he leaned in. His hands reached out to cage you in between his arms, tilting his head to the side to study your reaction. The soft blue hair brushed against the top of your head- showing how dangerously close he was. His breath fanned across your lips and his heavenly cologne infiltrated your sense of smell. If he decided to torture you even more, then you’d be able to touch noses from how near he was.
Look, you weren’t sure how to describe it at that moment other than- he was pinning you to the damn wall?! Suddenly you felt all the blood rush in your face, and it was then that you couldn’t make eye contact with him anymore- especially because he’d see how embarrassed you were! He didn’t have to be that close!
“yes, I need something. Or more specifically, you.”
His voice was much more huskier than you remembered it to be, and his eyes fell upon yours, begging for you to look back if not for your anxiety that he was this close. You immediately shut your eyes, heart beating erratically in your chest even if you tried to stop it by focusing on something else. But Yeonjun... how could you not think of anything else but him?! He was nothing short of breathtaking but seeing him this close and personal... it didn’t do good things for your heart!
“M-me?”
It was obvious that the boy was amused even if he felt guilty about the problem, making a quick exhale through his nose to show entertainment. His chuckle that came heartily through his chest caused your ears to heat up with shame since it showed how weak you were- just for him.
“Yes you, you silly baby,” he cooed endearingly, “who else could it be?”
“You’re one to be calling me silly! Don’t pretend like you were the one the other day who asked if frogs have blood!”
In a split second, his face morphed into something nothing less than serious and his left arm dropped to his side. You couldn’t help but wonder at the duality he managed to have when the gravity of the situation hit him.
“I miss things like this. I miss it so much. I miss joking around with you and chasing you around the house just to tickle you. I miss how attached you were because little did you know, I was just as much attached to you as you were to me.
“I miss the sweet look you give me every time I ask you out on a date. I miss having you right beside me whenever we studied together because you were the only person who cheered me on even when it was two in the morning. I miss giving you random kisses out of nowhere because I can’t get enough of you and that adorable, surprised face whenever I did so.
“I miss slipping my hand into yours whenever we would walk home together, letting you cling onto me so that I could protect you from all dangers. I miss giving you victory every argument we had because I hate making you cry. I miss cuddling you on the couch as we watched our favorite shows together whenever we were too lazy to get up and how I couldn’t stop smiling every time you laughed.
“I miss kissing the top of your forehead and you never knew because you were asleep. I miss waking up with you by my side and seeing something so gorgeous it would stay in my head all day even if I studied the same materials over and over again. I miss looking up at the stars with you at Moonlight and resting my head on your lap as you ran your fingers through my hair and how we’d do it every single week.
“Can’t you see? I miss you and every little thing you do, simple or exquisite. I know why you acted that way yesterday and I hate myself so much for not realizing it until later. I owed her something after she told me a way to somehow get closer to you when I’d done such a horrible thing. You can love Soobin- I don’t care about myself anymore as long I get to see my favorite girl smile due to the fact that she’s in love.
“Y/N, you mean much more to me than anything and it’s okay if you’re happy not loving me again because at least I got to experience the full joy and sadness that visited along with the love of my life. This may be the last time you may ever want to see me, but please... let me tell you how much I need you one last time.”
His eyes were shining, full of sincerity that you were able to feel even if you weren’t him. Tears resembling glistening pearls streamed down with his cheeks as he finally told you the truth he’d been dying to tell you, allowing you to see his vulnerabilities inside out. And yet, he was genuinely smiling as he confessed this, happy enough he got the chance to tell you loved you one last time.
Gradually he extended his arms out wide, allowing you to have your personal space while he took a few steps backwards and towards the grass where you followed him. By the end of it all, you weren’t able to help the tears welling up in your eyes at how touched you were from the inside. It was him, the boy who promised to love you until the end of time.
“Y-Yeonjun, I...” he cut in through your words, closing his eyes in fear of the pain that would soon become of his body if you did in the end, choose to grant his wish. It simply wasn’t enough to level the agony of his heart, but he was willing to take all the pain instead of burdening it on you.
“I’ll let you push me. I’ll let you hit me. I’ll let you get back what you deserve. You can slap me, as long as you let everything out. I don’t want you to hurt anymore because of me, so just do it!”
...
...
...
Silence.
Oh, the euphoric relief coursing in your veins that really pushed you over the edge.
Immediately you threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him as tightly as you could because you never wanted to let go. You melted into his embrace upon contact, burying your head against his chest that was warm and overflowing with passion. Yeonjun hesitantly embraced you back, unsure of what happened just now.
You couldn’t help but giggle at his dumbfound expression.
“You silly baby,” you teased, repeating his playful words from earlier, “I’m not dating Soobin and I never have. Why would I date him when I’ll never love this way again?”
You booped his nose as quickly as you could, smiling when he finally reciprocated the same grin back.
“Choi Yeonjun, you were such a fool to lose me, but I’m even more of a fool to love you again. I’ve never stopped loving you, although I’m sure you already knew that, hEY-”
With happiness overflowing the boy, he picked you up and you were swept off your feet in a second. Wide smiles reflected back and forth from his face to yours as he spun you around him a few inches from the ground, pure bliss surrounding the two of you since you both were complete again. He let you laugh in his hands, tickling your sides unintentionally while you snickered at him to let you down. He only chuckled at this, stopping in place but still refusing to listen to your request.
“I love your very big brain that’s so smart it makes me frustrated with how dumb I am sometimes,” he brought you down a little bit to kiss your forehead. He then trailed down to your nose.
“I love how you ask me for opinions of perfume when you know deep down instead I adore your natural scent instead,” he kissed your nose and you laughed at the feeling it naturally gave you.
“But most importantly,” Yeonjun placed you down on the golden grasslands again and ceased right in front of your lips, letting his breath fall upon them, “I love you.”
Then he connected your lips together, bringing you closer towards him than he had ever done before.
At last, everything was finally perfect.
«──── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────»
Posted: 3/29/21- 1:37am (yes i did stay up halfway to two am just to get this finished. priorities people- it’s just a sweet early monday here 😔🧍)
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nylwnder · 3 years
Text
GUYS IM BACK AND I FINISHED WATCHING ALL OR NOTHING WITH MY CUZ LAST NIGHT.
i’m def like not okay, but tbh when am i okay with these guys?? 😭😭😭
i was straight on vibing between 1-3, then in 4 i knew what was gonna happen and what the last episode would hold. in 5, like we legit had to stop to just mentally prepare!!! it broke me ngl.
just some stuff i wanted to say, random things i was thinking, etc :
THE FACT THE WILLY WAS HALF NAKED THE WHOLE FUCKISJH TIME
NO NO THE AMOUNT OF THIGHS I SAW OMF PLSSSSS. I WAS DEAD WHEEZING WITH MY COUSIN 💀💀
FELIX! PABLO! ZEUS! AND MUZZY’S DOG!!! ICONS!!!
UGH I LOVED RELIVING ALL THE SEXY GOALS
ALL THE INJURIES AND ALL THE BEHIND THE SCENE TREATMENTS WHETHER ITS IMMEDIATELY OR DAYS, WEEKS, GAMES LATER. LIKE I HOPE ALL THE INSENSITIVE ASS PPL KNOW THESE GUYS ARE HUMAN. PLS PLS PLS DONT HATE THEM FOR BEING SLOW OR SHIT. LIKE THEY ARE TIRED AND IN PAIN. THIS SHIT ISNT EASY.
SPEZZ!!!!!! THATS MY DAD <3<3<3<3<3 i was living every time he was on the screen
OMG YALL DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO CRY EVERY TIME FREDDIE WOULD COME ON. AND LIKE SEEING HIM IN HOODIES AND COMFY CLOTHES 🥺🥺🥺 NO BUT HES SO QUIET AND SOFT I JUS WANTED TO CUDDLE SIR
zachary martin hyman, why would you hurt me like this. why??????????? 💔💔💔💔💔
DID I SEE FOLGINO’S ASS????? serious question……. didn’t need it💀✋ (it was when he was getting treatment)
bogo crying about his grandma….. 😢
kyle dubas pls be my therapist. he’s just so calming.
WHERE IS MY KERFY CONTENT???? OR TJ????? BITCH I BARLEY GOT ANY
jt n aryne n jace n axton,,,, they’re so cute omg!!!!
nah i had to legit mentally prepare cause i knew jt’s accident was going to show. i just had to keep telling myself he’s alright now 😭😭 so everytime he smiled i was so happy
the stuff they were telling him tho, sobs omf that must have been horrible
I DEAD ASS LAUGHED WHEN THEY STARTED TO PLAY ‘BUSS IT’ CAUSE ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS MY JT FANCAM WITH THAY SONG (it’s on @tmlvibez on instagram!!!!!)
OMG WHEN WILLY AND SANDY AND ALEX WENT TO DRIVE THOSE CARS,,,, THAT WAS REAL SEXC I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO DO THAT WITH THEM 😩😩 it’s just the way willy holds the wheel idk bajssjaosiiakakdjk
SOME MORE THIGHS THIGHS THIGHS
the ✨f bombs✨
but chief keefes yelling! i know i would prob do the same but if that man would yell at me i would cry.
THE SINGING!!!!! AND WHEN THEY PLAYED SINCE U BEEN GONE I LAUGHED 💀💀
i wanna be the hair stylist so i too can get all the secrets ✨✨✨
WHEN JT CAME BACK, JUMBO AND WILLY SLAPPING HIS ASS AND JT IS UNBOTHERED!!!! ICONIC. 😌✋
JACK BAWLING AT THE FUCKING END. I WAS DEAD ASS BROKEN. I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT AGAIN OMG I HATE IT. I HÂTE IT. I HTAE IT.
AND THEN ALL THE OTHER BOYS SOBBING LIKE SHUT UP STOP
and SPEZZ!! SPEZZY, DAD, U DONT DESERVE THIS!!!!!!!!!
anyways, i loved this!!!! i just wanted to see all the inside of their world and i think it delivered cause we def have new insight!! but do would’ve loved some more hangouts of the boys!
10/10 duh!!!!!! 💙🤍 (acc maybe a 9/10 but, idk i love whatever they give me 😩)
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ragingpancake · 3 years
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Lietuenant Colonel Idiot And The Kastat Root Part 2
Part 1
The first thing John is aware of when he starts to come to is the quiet beeping of machines. He knows that that’s never a good sign but he feels floaty and warm so he has a hard time caring about what exactly landed him in the infirmary this time. He opens his eyes slowly, blinking against the overhead light, dim as it was in the moment but he doesn’t realize he’s made a noise until Teyla and Ronon quickly come into his line of vision. “Hi,” he manages, voice hoarse with disuse, and you know, probably from the tube they’d shoved down his throat to anesthetize him when Carson had cut him back open to clean him up a little. “Where’s… what happened?” He has a vague memory of a stomachache and of screaming but the pain meds they have him on makes it hard to think. It also makes it hard to sleep, so when Teyla tells him gently that he should go back to sleep and they’ll fill him in later, he doesn’t argue. He just closes his eyes and lets the darkness return.
-- It happens like that a couple of times before John finally, truly, wakes up. He thinks that it’s probably the pain that does it, that pulls him back to the land of the lucid, as Beckett has started weaning him off of the good stuff. He doesn’t remember much from those quick bursts of consciousness, but he does remember that while he’s seen Teyla and Ronon every time, he hasn’t once seen Rodney. Where’s Rodney? “Aye, Colonel,” Carson greets, leaning over as he adjusts John’s nasal cannula, Teyla and Ronon just visible over his shoulder. “Welcome back t’the land of the livin’, lad. How’re ya feelin’ this morning?” “Where’s Rodney?” He doesn’t miss the way Carson’s face shifts, just for a moment, nor does he miss the look shared by Teyla and Ronon. Something sits painfully in his gut at that and for one brief, horrible moment, he’s afraid that something happened to Rodney, something off-world, because Rodney was always here when he woke up, and-- “Settle down now,” Carson admonishes gently, and John is embarrassed to realize that the beeping on his heart rate monitor has sped up. “Rodney’s down in the labs, that’s all. He’s alright. The only one y’need to be worryin’ about now is yourself.” “How much do you remember?” Ronon asks and John can tell by the look on Teyla’s face that she’s not pleased at the question. It had been a routine mission, right? M3-X982, the Plesians, according to the ancient database. Not so routine if you ended up here, his brain reminds him and okay, fair enough. He takes a second and tries to think through the brain fog he always associates with the good drugs. He remembers the almost meatloaf and the bad jokes told by Plesia’s leader, Korom. He remembers the heat--. No. Not heat. The fever and the stomachache and--. Screaming. Hoarse screams, begging them to stop killing him, for Ronon to let him go, for Teyla to help him. And Rodney… Rodney, holding the dagger looking very much on the edge of a panic attack as he sliced through John’s skin, flaying him open. “Your appendix nearly ruptured,” Carson supplies, voice more gentle now. “Rodney recognized the signs fairly quickly but the doctor in Plesia was ill-equipped to operate.” “Doctor McKay very likely saved your life, John,” Teyla says, a fact she’s tried to get through to Rodney since their return. “Aye,” Carson agrees. “We had t’put ya under again to clean up a bit of infection and to right some suturin’, but he did bloody well considerin’ the circumstances.” “Then why… why isn’t he here?” Because no one has actually told him that much, but John can probably guess why. Guilt is a hell of a thing and John knows in an instant that he would’ve never wanted the roles reversed, would’ve never have wanted to have to--. “I need to talk to him,” and he’s not exactly thrilled with how desperate he sounds but he really doesn’t care right. He needs to talk to Rodney, needs to seehim, to tell him he did good. He starts pulling at all the leads and wires and Ronon is there again, a firm hand on his shoulder, urging him back down. “Let me talk to him first,” he says and even Teyla raises an eyebrow at that. Ronon isn’t exactly known for his uh, gentle nature, but when she meets John’s eyes, she gives him the slightest of nods. “Tell him to get his ass in here, or I’m gonna come find him myself,” John warns, but there’s no heat. The slight exertion has left him very nearly panting through a wave of pain. “I’ll be sure to pass on the message,” he says and without anything further, Ronon is gone. -- Rodney McKay isn’t known for his silence. He knows he’s a loud, obnoxious, abrasiveman even on his best day and yet ever since they’d returned from Plesia, he hadn’t been able to muster up the strength to even so much as raise his voice. It’s unnerving his scientists, he knows, but he doesn’t care. Mostly, he keeps to himself and keeps working, stopping only long enough for the occasional power nap and to replenish his supply of power bars. He’s just finished the aforementioned nap when Ronon finds
him, trudging back down to the laps to continue his work on the ancient device they’d found some time ago. He’s hoping that with enough tweaking, it can be used to send a patient into something sort of a temporary stasis, long enough to get them back through the Stargate where an actual fucking medical team can--. “McKay,” Ronon calls, but Rodney doesn’t stop. “Little busy, Chewie,” he calls over his shoulder but it lacks the usual McKay bite. “Sheppard’s awake.” Rodney does stop for that, but he doesn’t turn, shoulders tensing and he has to take a deep breath because he can feel something like panic trying to surge up again. “Is he--?” “Pissed? Yeah. Pissed that you weren’t there with us when he woke up.” “Well I’m sorry that some of us have actual work to do and can’t spend days--.” “You’re bein’ dumb.” Rodney whirls around at that, and he can feel the vein in his forehead throbbing in anger because he’s not--! He’s just--! “Sheppard probably wouldn’t have made it out of surgery without some major problems if we’d waited until the rain stopped. The Doc said so himself. Because of what you did, he’s got about another week of medicine and he’ll be back on his feet.” “I am not that kind of doctor,” Rodney reminds Ronon and he hates how he sounds in that moment, so, so upset. So weak. The weakest on the team, always. “You were the most qualified in that room to do what had to be done,” Ronon says and while that may actually be true, that won’t help when the nightmares come back. “You held it together better than either me or Teyla would’ve.” Rodney highly doubts that. “Listen,” Ronon says and this may be the most words Rodney’s heard him string together ever. “It sucked but it had to be done. You can’t keep beating yourself up for it.” We’ll see about that, Rodney thinks. “Thanks for the pep talk, Conan,” he says as he starts back for the labs. “You’re goin’ the wrong way. Infirmary’s that way.” Rodney doesn’t respond and he half expects Ronon to come after him, to throw him over his shoulder and haul him off to the infirmary, but a moment later, Rodney hears a quiet sigh and heavy footsteps falling away. He’s just not ready yet. -- Rodney might not be ready yet, but John’s never been the most patient person in the world. Especially not when it comes to Rodney. He’s tired, in pain, and annoyedby the time he makes it down to the labs, a trip that should’ve taken him five minutes on a good day but has taken nearly a half an hour for all the breaks he’s had to take to stop and lean against the wall. Carson’s going to have a field day when he comes back from surgery to find that John’s managed to sneak out, but he’ll just have to deal with that later. For now, the only thing he’s concerned about is Rodney. Atlantis takes pity on him and opens the door to the labs the minute she senses him approaching, allowing him to continue to hold on the wall as he slips inside and the minute he sees the slope of those shoulders in that blue shirt, any annoyance John had been feeling faded away. “Listen Teyla,” Rodney says and he sounds exasperated which leads John to believe that the Athosian has been down here plenty while he’s been holed up in the infirmary. He’s glad for that though. Means his people are taking care of each other. “I appreciate y--,” he turns and the words die in his throat. “Hi Rodney,” John greets, maybe a little dumbly and Rodney stands up so quickly that his stool topples backward. John thinks maybe he’s going to haul off and punch him, so he braces for impact, but when Rodney approaches, he grabs John’s arm and hauls it around his shoulder, giving him something else to lean against. “You’re supposed to be in the infirmary, you absolute idiot,” Rodney hisses and when he gets John seated on a stool, he moves to tap the communicator in his ear. “Rodney, wait!” And he reaches for the other, closing his hand around Rodney’s wrist. “Just… gimme a minute, okay?” Rodney hesitates, which is unusual for him. Rodney is always so sure of himself and quick to make
sure everyone knows it. Was this because of what happened on Plesia? “Listen,” John says and that’s about as far as he gets before Rodney is talking over him. “No! You listen, you, you, you irresponsible, stupid—” There’s a half a second that John wants to be offended and starts to respond in kind, but he stops himself because he realizes that Rodney needs this. That he’s been holding this in since they got back from that stupid planet. “You could have died! And not just from your stupid appendix, but your entire body could have gone into shock and you could have died! Because you were too stupid, too, too, too you to just go to the damn infirmary before we ever left!” “I know, Rodney and I’m –” “No! You don’t know. You have no idea!” He’s pacing now, wringing his hands together and John doesn’t think he’s ever seen him so upset. The thought that he’d been the one to cause that— “What if I’d been wrong, Sheppard? What if that had been for nothing? What if I’d—" “Rodney,” John says and he stands then, ignoring the way that the room spins just a little. “Listen to me, okay? I’m fine. You did everything right, and you probably saved me from a really shitty next few weeks, assuming I hadn’t died. I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if it wasn’t for you.” “But--.” “No buts,” John answers. “I’m sorry you had to do that, that I made you have to make that choice. You’re right, it was stupid to go off world without getting checked out first and I’m sorry, alright?” He reaches up, rubbing uncomfortably at the back of his neck. “I just… wanted to, you know, thank you for saving my ass out there. And to tell you that I’m really glad to know that no matter what, you’ve got my back.” And Rodney sags, all of the fight and the anger and maybe a little of the guilt too having gone out of him. “You’re… really alright?” “I’m really alright,” John promises him and this time, Rodney sags against the table, the tension leaving shoulders. “Thank God,” he breathes, and a breath later, “you owe me for this.” “Ah, there he is,” John says and he feigns annoyance, rolling his eyes. “No, no, you don’t understand. You owe me.” “I know, Rodney.” He doesn’t protest as Rodney comes around again, hauling John’s arm over his shoulder and as they begin to make their way from the science lab, back to John’s own quarters, John lets Rodney’s incessant babble wash over him. It felt good to hear it again, he realizes, even if he knows he’s never going to hear the end of this. And honestly? Well. He wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.
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sorryimanon · 4 years
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Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!Reader, Izuku Midoriya x NB!Reader
Warnings: some angst, FLUFF, and our boys being the best boys.
In which they comfort you after a rough day or week
A/N: im sorry if Izukus section is shorter than Bakugou’s. trying to practice writing other characters. enjoy!
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Saturday's are reserved strictly by the majority of the girls from class 1-A, leaving the guys to hibernate inside their dorms as they allow the commencement of girls night. You've never rain checked nor rejected the idea of spending  quality time with your friends, considering all the tribe's and trepidation's everyone has endured together during their time at the academy. It's nice to just strip away the stress and dip your toes in pure relaxation.
Unfortunately, you woke up with a bad case of cloudy thoughts. For the past week you've been carrying the weight of dread, causing your mood to drastically change throughout the day. You'd be having a civil conversation with someone one minute and then the next minute you're completely irritated by their presence. You've tried to balance it out and fix it overnight with the regimes you researched on the internet. A new sleeping schedule, healthier diet, yoga, and even went to the extreme of writing in a journal. It was all so cut throat and prestigious, nothing close to your liking. Katsuki made fun of you for it one day when he snuck into your room and read the many inscriptions in your journal entries.
"This stuff reminds of Deku. Always shoving his nose in that stupid notebook of his," he didn't care much to hear your refutes about Izuku. "Anyways, what's with all this depressing shit you are writing? You don't really feel this way do you?"
You didn't give him a definite answer that day. Only a curt "no" and he resumed rambling about his day like nothing happened, having you listening with his voice like white noise going in one ear and out the other.
And that's how it went on throughout the duration of the prior week before Saturday.
Inside the confinement of your dorm, you made the rational decision to sleep in instead of attending classes. The chilling thoughts kept you up all night, never once allowing sleep to take full throttle. You tossed and turned around on your bed, unable to shut off your brain. So when you woke up in the peak of late afternoon, you weren't surprised to see the unread messages on your phone. All of them were from your explosive boyfriend.
King Explosion🤍: Oi you running late? Mr.Sleepy head is taking roll call
King Explosion🤍: y/n where tf r u?
King Explosion🤍: fine don't answer me ig
King Explosion🤍: are you at least coming down for lunch? i made curry last night and imma make you finish it
King Explosion🤍: fking hurry before dunce face eats it
King Explosion🤍: nvm he ate it 😐
Katsuki never intended for the message to be funny. He's probably blowing actual steams of smoke through his nostrils and ears while chasing kamanari amongst the halls. The comical imagery made you laugh harder. At least he made you crack a smile. You haven't shown any emotions let alone a hint of enthusiasm for tonight.
Maybe it'd be best to sit this one out.
"Hey, we're missing a person! Where's my y/n?" Mina asked after scanning the group of girls huddled around on the carpeted floor.
Momo shifted uncomfortably on the cushioned pillow she stole from the couch. "Y/N said she wasn't feeling too well to join us for tonight. Something about food poisoning and throwing up every hour."
In unison all the girls gasped, along with a concerned 'ribbit' from Tsuyu.
"Well I hope she gets to feeling better. I wouldn't want her to endure such sickness for much longer," Tsuyu croaked out.
Everyone in the circle agreed and promised to pay a visit later in the night to check on you.
On the fourth floor, Katsuki stared blankly at his phone, hands shaking due to the repressed anger he's been holding. Each of the messages he sent previously were all left on read, including the one he sent an hour ago asking if he could have a cuddle session with you before girls night. Yes, even an ill tempered guy such as him enjoys sappy shit like cuddling. After pacing back and forth in his room for a solid 5 minutes, he was now dead set on confronting you in front of your friends.
Katsuki made a beeline for the elevator and aggressively pressed the 1st floor button repeatedly in hopes it'll make the process go quicker. He reached the commons area in precision time, overhearing the girls giggle after someone suggested playing truth or dare. He towered over Uraraka's figure, casting a demonic shadow version of himself in the circle. Hagakure shrieked and clung onto Jirou.
"Where's y/n you extras?" He demanded, voice deafening the brunette under him.
"She didn't come tonight. She's in her dorm room sick," Jirou explained to him as she tried pry the invisible girl off her arm.
"Like hell she's sick!" Katsuki spun around quickly and retreated back to the elevator, mumbling obscenities under his breath. "She's going to pay for being so careless and irresponsible."
The commons room fell silent once the explosive blonde disappeared behind the doors of the elevator, all eyes searching each other in complete shock. Uraraka was the first to speak out of the small group.
“Should we warn y/n that Bakugou is coming for her?”
Jirou averted her gaze to the direction bakugou left off from, a ghost of a smirk spreading on her face.
“Nah. Knowing y/n, she can handle the asshole on her own.”
King Explosion🤍: can i come over? i wanna cuddle, i miss u
The text message kept flashing behind your eyes every-time you closed them - a sad image of Katsuki waiting impatiently for you to reply back with a heart or one of those unusual memes he unapologetically adores. You knew he’d be furious, no doubt about it, but you rationalized your decision and concluded it would be best to avoid your boyfriend like the plague till this undesired feeling dissipates. Katsuki doesn’t do well with people being emotional, let alone handle his own emotions for god’s sake.
Your own thoughts were interrupted by someone raping the outside of your door. The continuous knocks made your head spin, a painful sting ghosting back and forth between your eyes. Remembering back to an hour ago, you messaged one of the girls that you weren’t going to make it to tonight’s session. Surely they respected your wishes and continued on with their hangout? But you forgot about the one person who’s persistent and stubborn like a cat.
“I know you’re in there y/n! You may have fooled your idiotic friends with a lie, but you keep on forgetting you’re terrible at lying!” Katsuki hollers against the wood of the door, not once being considerate of those living above her.
He’s right. You’re absolutely horrible at making up excuses for yourself. Dating someone as intuitive as him will be the death of you.
“If there’s something going can you at least let me in? You can’t ignore me forever y/n.”
Again, he’s right.
You slipped out from the comfort of your bed and padded towards the door, mentally preparing for the blonde to scold you once he enters your room. What you weren’t prepared for was the tears swelling up in the ducts of his vermillion eyes - his hands clenched tightly into fists as he looked down at you. Your breathing hitched when his arm outstretched to rest on the door frame to keep his trembling body steady.
“What the hell y/n? Why the fuck have you been ignoring me?! Did I do something wrong?!” He asked, not caring about his current appearance.
You grab ahold of his other arm and absentmindedly started rubbing it affectionately, trying to coax him into calming down. “Katsuki no! You didn’t do anything wrong! Why would you think that?”
“Because dumbass, you’ve been distant this past week,” he paused, choking on his words. “Are...are you breaking up with me?”
Your eyes shot up instantly at his horrifying assumption. “Katsuki, if I tell you the truth, will you promise not to make things worse for me?”
He tilted his head in confusion, but nodded once you led him into your messy bedroom. Once inside, your boyfriend plopped down on your bed, watching intently as you anxiously bit down on your nails - a nervous habit you picked up at the beginning of the school year.
“I’ve been feeling weird lately. Ever since the beginning of last week. I don’t know how to describe it but, my brain is constantly feeding into my already negative state. Telling me things I know aren’t true but I’ve convinced myself they are. Almost as if a grey cloud is hovering above me,” tears were already starting to pour down your cheeks. “I just...I just feel so miserable and lonely and useless and irritated and- I’m so sorry for ignoring you. You probably want nothing to do with me after this!”
You manage to turn away from the sight of the blonde during your speech, ashamed of pouring out your emotions onto a person who disregards other peoples emotions and constitutes them as a quote on quote “pussy”.
From behind, you can hear faint shuffling nearing your already shaken up figure. A pair of muscular arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a wall that could only be described as his own chiseled chest, doing the same as you did moments ago with his arm - lulling you to calm down a notch before he stared speaking.
“If you been feeling this way, why lie when I asked you a few days ago after reading your journal?”
“I know how you are, Katsuki. You get very uncomfortable when people talk about their feelings. So, why should I be any different?”
Your boyfriend suddenly maneuvers you around in the circle of his arms, shifting to where you’re now making direct eye contact with him. His gaze intense and unwavering.
“Because you’re my girlfriend? I don’t give a rats ass about any of these extras. When it comes to you, I’d make an exception for. I made that promise to myself when we first started seeing each other. So don’t think for a second that I’ll disregard your true feelings, dumbass.” He stepped a couple of inches backwards, ankles eventually hitting the bottom of your bed - making him fall and dragging you along with him. You landed on top of him, head still buried in the depths of his hard chest. The vibrations of his chuckle shook your whole body. Katsuki gently titled your head to be leveled with his, a red tint of blush painting his pallid cheeks.
“I’m being serious though. Don’t be afraid to come to me when things get tough, okay? I love you too much to see you like this.”
Next thing you knew your boyfriend stole your breath away by meshing his plump lips onto yours, hands snaking their way into your hair and carefully massaging it. By all means, you let him have his way with you by kissing the sadness away, tears puddling together cheek on cheek.
He let go eventually, pecking a quick chaste kiss on the side of your mouth before hauling you further into the bed. You settled on letting him spoon you, knowing how much he likes the feeling of your backside pressed against him, and the fruity aroma of your hair infiltrating his senses.
“I promise Katsuki,” you said after some time during the cuddle session.
He shifted in his spot, head placed firmly in the crook of your neck. “Promise what?”
“That I’ll come to you when these thoughts return again. I should trust you by now, and I need to not let these emotions ruin everything in my life. I love you that much.
Your confession swelled the very last evidence of Katsuki being a human being, his heart.
He smiled weakly to himself and nuzzled more into your shoulder, brushing his warm lips against the tender skin. “You better, dumbass.”
-
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Today was just so exhausting, and the big fat 'D-‘ written in red ink on your final report was the icing on the cake. To make things even worse, Aizawa reminded the whole class before the exam that this was to determine wether or not if you'll be joining the training camp that'll commence the following winter break.
Hopefully this was one of your teacher's terrible deception tactics into making everyone do their absolute best, go plus ultra even. But to your dismay, he was indeed very serious of the matter this time.
It wasn't your fault, not entirely. You stayed up all night listening to another one of your boyfriends rambles, the conversation lasting till 2 am. Izuku grew worrisome and anxious ever since his encounter with a gruesome villain, thus resulting in him to pour his emotions out onto you. Poor baby kept mentioning the safety of All Might and you.
Solemnly, you left class and trailed back to your dorm room, wanting to ignore the jovial atmosphere inside the cramped room as everyone traded and talked about their scores.
Izuku noticed you leaving abruptly and got up from his desk to follow you behind, bidding a quick goodbye to his friends.
Your room was dark and dramatically colder than usual, a trickle of light threatening to pour in from the cascading sunset. You laid down on your stomach with one of your pillows propped on your head, in hopes to shield away anyone from seeing your ugly-crying face.
Too late because Izuku was already standing outside your dorm room, swaying back and forth on his feet while biting down harshly on his lip. He can hear your soft cries seeping through the door. He doesn't know why he's hesitating, he's your boyfriend after all.
Moments later you hear the acute sounds of someone knocking on your door, followed by the soft spoken voice of your green haired boyfriend.
"Baby? Can I come in? I-If that's okay with you I m-mean! It's alright if you need some space but you left class so early I figured something happened to you and I got really worried because you always wait for Iida and uraraka to walk us back to the dorms as a group and maybe it had something to do with what I was telling you last night-."
You crack the door just a smidge before fully opening it, revealing your bloodshot eyes and tear stained shirt to him. His breathing hitched once his eyes fixated on your disheveled state. 
"Can you comfort me? I need you right now Izuku," your voice cracked a little, throat still tight after the crying session.
His strong, lean arms wrapped around your body momentarily, encasing you into a bear hug. Hugs from Izuku were amazing, no exceptions. He placed a quick peck on the crown of your forehead.
"C'mon, let's get inside and snuggle. How does that sound?" he asked as he unwrapped himself and took your trembling hand, leading you back inside the dimly lit room.
Izuku laid you gently down on your side once reaching the bed, crawling alongside with you before  draping the covers over the both of you. His familiar hands snake around your waist and nudges you to roll over. You obliged and shifted your body to face his, sparkly green eyes staring straight at you.
"Tell me, what's wrong baby? Does it have to do with the recent exam?" his thumb started tracing delicate lines on your hips, your uniform long gone and now replaced with comfortable clothes instead.
"I failed Izuku...I did so terrible on the written exam. I kept falling in and out of sleep during the test that I didn't have time to finish the middle portion of it," you exhaled a shaky breath. "Who knows what'll happen on the practical. I'll probably fail that too...I'm such a failure compared to everyone."
Izuku grabbed the tender flesh of your cheeks and directed your vision to level with his. He looked angry and concerned.
"Don't say that y/n! You're not a failure! That exam doesn't determine wether or not if you're good enough to be a hero. I've seen you in action hun, and I know for a fact that you're possibly the most strongest person I've met in my lifetime! You're ambitious, smart, determined, and so freaking beautiful." He then kissed you tenderly on the lips, his eyes closing slightly due to the contact.
"So...freaking...beautiful." He whispers against your mouth.
His sentimental words were enough for you to push back the negativity and simply enjoy the intimate moment.
Izuku lifted his head away from your face to rest it against your temple. "You're going to do great things, okay? One failing grade isn't going to be the end of the world. Trust me sweetheart, I've had my fair share in failures during our time here in Yuuei. But look at me now, still standing."
You nuzzled more into his chest, tickling his chin with your hair. Faintly, you can hear the pitter patter of his heart beat bursting through his rib cage.
"Would you love me even if I was a horrendous looking-failure?" you were clearly teasing him, but sometimes Izuku became dense when it came to that.
"Y/n! W-Why would you ask that! Of course I would you dummy! I'd love you no matter what."
This time you return the favor and kiss him, knowing how to easily fluster him in seconds. He whimpers into your mouth at the sudden contact and cups your jawline affectionately.
The two of you stayed like that till the moon shone through the balcony curtains, illuminating your skin in a dusty glow.
Lips bruised and swollen red, you laid lifelessly in his arms, letting him wove his scarred fingers through your hair. Izuku would occasionally stop to peck your lips, then resumes his attention back to your hair.
"I'm sorry by the way. I shouldn't have kept you up last night before the exam. I'm such a horrible boyfriend..." he admitted suddenly.
"Yes. Yes you are."
He gasped and stopped his movements altogether, obviously taken aback by your blunt words.
You giggled and said, "Kidding. You're the best boyfriend. Apology accepted.”
After hearing that, Izuku shoved himself onto your chest and let out muffled cry. "D-Don't scare me like that. Almost made me have a heart a-attack!"
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spunkpunx · 3 years
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Are Friends Electric? (Alex Turner)
Multi Part Series
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Part 1: Dreamy Days
Sheffield 2002
"Is that a fookin' United shirt?"
"Yeah, so what? It's not mine, you know I support Owls."
"Am honestly disappointed in you, consortin' with the enemy an' that," Alex shook his head, refusing to look at the offending football shirt that I'd been forced into wearing.
"It was in lost property, an' you know what the PE teachers are like, they threatened to suspend me, Mam would kill me if they did," I replied, rubbing her legs in an attempt to warm them.
"Only 'cause you've been suspended before."
"Yeah well I don't want to do it again, she'd have me bloody guts for garters," I told him. He rolled his eyes. We were sat on an old bench around the back of the school, dressed in PE kits and smoking B&H cigarettes I had stolen off my mother. My football shorts were no match for the harsh January weather, but I was wearing a parka, hence why Alex had only just noticed the Sheffield United t-shirt. We couldn't leave school grounds yet, because in order to get out from behind we'd would have to go past the French classroom, and as the bell hadn't yet gone, there would still be Miss Kelly and a class of year 7s ready to catch us out.
"I'm fookin' freezing," Alex whined, putting out his fag on the wall and dropping it onto the floor. "At least you've got that bloody big coat."
I sighed and flicked my cigarette butt onto the floor, stomping it out with the toe of my trainer. "If we go over the wall you know you have to give me a leg up," I explained bluntly. He nodded along almost eagerly, likely desperate to get out the cold and home as soon as possible.
"I don't mind Jack, I just wanna leave."
"Right then," I replied, standing up, picking up my bag and putting a foot into a crack in the stone, grabbing the top edge where my fingers could just about catch grip on the rough stone. Alex came up behind me and put his hands on my shin, and using his hands to push against, I pulled herself up. Unfortunately, my foot slipped, and I began to fall back down, but my fall was stopped by the feeling of hands holding me up. Alex's hands, on my bum.
I felt my ears burning red, but not willing to have to try again, I pulled herself up using my arms and jumped down the other side. As soon as my feet touched the ground I climbed on top of the large wheelie bin that sat against the wall and grabbed Alex's arm as he clambered over as well. He was a lot taller than me now, he'd grown in a way only 15 year old boys do, all long limbs and clumsiness. I'd barely even noticed him shoot up. I helped him over and we jumped into the street below.
"Um... I'm sorry that I touched your..." Alex stuttered slightly, his cheeks going uncharacteristically red. I cut him off.
"Al, it's fine."
"I mean I-"
"It's fine," I repeated, more firmly. He shrugged and pushed his hands into his pockets, beginning to walk down the alley toward the road. I followed him, jogging slightly to catch up with his long strides.
"Am gonna join a band you know," he told me as we turned the corner onto the street. I looked at him in surprise.
"A band? Who wiv?" I questioned, confused.
"Matt."
"Matt Helders or Matt Sheppard?"
"Matt Helders of course! Av'e never even spoke to Matt Sheppard why on earth would I be talking about 'im?"
"Well I dunno do I? I didn't even know Matt Helders played an instrument, he's not singing is he?" I queried, scuffing my shoes along the floor.
Alex shook his head slightly. "He plays drums, I'm the singer."
"But you play guitar?" I could sense my brain was really struggling to keep up.
"I can do both, like Bowie."
"Don't compare yourself t'Bowie unless you go to your gigs dressed in a catsuit an' heels an' bat away crowds of lads and lasses who want to sleep with ya."
"I'm not against the crowds of lasses, but I don't think I could commit to the rest," he laughed cheekily. I gave him a playful punch in the shoulder.
"You're full of shit, you are," I grinned, as he rubbed his arm over-dramatically. Cars whizzed past as we reached the main road. Cars that caused slight rushes of air as the pair of us continued to walk, that's how close they drove past the pavement.  "Mine or yours?" I asked him.
"Yours, yer mam won't be back from work yet."
"Fairs."
A silence lulled in the conversation as we continued to walk down the street, Alex was scuffing his trainers along the floor. It was annoying as fuck but I didn't say owt.
"Did you hear what Rory Pike did today at lunch?"
"No?"
"He got his cock out on the school field," Alex divulged me, a laugh spread across his face. I couldn't help but join in the joke.
"Rory Pike is a world class minger," I told him, and soon we were both in stitches, adding extra gross details to the story to the amusement of each other.
"Did Cook finally ask tha' girl out then?" I changed the subject, catching my breath back from my laughing fit.
"'Course not, he jibbed again, then Simmo asked her instead," Alex explained.
"Simmo? Did she say yes?"
"Why would she? She clearly fancies Jamie."
"He needs to get his act together and ask her."
Alex nodded, momentarily in thought. He then very suddenly turned around and gave me a playful shove.
"First one to yours!" he exclaimed, quickly speeding off around the corner.
"Bastard," I muttered, beginning to run after him. I sprinted to catch up, but the awkward coat prevented me from getting anywhere near the speed his long limbs could get him. He legged it off and I was forced to slow my pace back down to a walk. The boy was clearly going to win and I had the house key so he'd have to wait outside for me anyway. I decided to take me time knowing I'd probably bump into Alex around the corner when he came back to see where I was. He'd probably be a bit moody about it, telling me off for being a fun sponge, and I'd apologise insincerely and then he'd give me an awkward side hug and tell me he couldn't stay angry at me, there's no way I'd let him. Then we would probably walk back to mine and be done with the matter.
This wasn't the case. I got round the corner, then the one after that, and didn't see any sign of Alex. There was no way he would still be running, he was too lazy and he would look like an idiot, racing against no one. He was a dafty but not that much of one. I began to get confused after I rounded the third corner and there was still not a sign of him.
"Oi Jackie!" Alex exclaimed, grabbing my shoulders from behind. I yelped in surprise and he burst out laughing.
"Fook you Alex Turner," I scolded him. "How did ya even get behind me?" He said nothing, and just tapped his nose conspiratorially.
Sheffield 2003
He knew everything there was to know about Jackie. He knew her favourite colour (red),her middle name (Arabella), her handwriting and everything else in between. Alex had known this for ages, but it had never weighed on his mind as much as it had recently.
It was the way he'd seen her the other night. There was a small gaff at someone or another's and Alex had gone with the boys. Jackie had showed up a bit later, dressed very differently to how he normally saw her. She had a leopard print mini skirt on and a tight, cropped t-shirt, along with her trainers and Adidas jacket. Of course he noticed her, lighting one of her L&B blues and trying to smoke it subtly; she was the only one smoking.
He had gone over and said hello, and she'd grinned when she saw him, glad of some company, he expected. Some 90s rave hit was playing, and cheesy lights flashed across the room. Trying too hard, he thought. She picked a beer off the counter she was leaning on and gave it to him. A Corona, lukewarm but still alcohol.
"D'ya wanna come for a spliff?" she asked him, patting her pocket, and he said yes. Her top was very tight, although he tried not to look, but he saw her bra, visible through the fabric. They went outside onto some kind of shitty balcony. She got what looked to be a large gram of weed and some Rizlas out, making an L and then ripping open a cigarette to get the tobacco out, she carefully sprinkled in some of the spliff and rolled. Alex didn't say anything, he just watched as she deftly rolled the joint. She lit the end and took her time, sitting down on a breeze block. He found himself a seat on the step.
"So how's t'band going, Arctic Monkeys i'nt it?"
"There's a gig coming up, at The Grapes," Alex told her, proudly. In fact, he puffed up slightly with pride. Jackie had never really got involved with the band, she said it weren't her business, but Alex still felt remarkably pleased whenever she showed an interest, especially if they were doing well.
"D'ya want me to come?"
"'Course! I thought you already were."
"Yeah I just... weren't sure, that's all," Jackie responded, unusually quiet. She was acting off with him.
"Is summit up?" Alex asked. She shrugged, taking another drag on her spliff and then handing it to him. "Jack?" he prompted further.
"It's nothing Al, jus' summit stupid," she replied. Her fingers fiddled with the edge of her sleeve. He decided to leave it, pushing her wouldn't make her tell him, it would just annoy her. He took a toke of the joint and they sat in silence for a moment.
"Wanna find some White Lightning and get hammered?" she asked and Alex grinned.
"Are you sure? That stuffs pretty lethal."
"Well fook it all we're not going home tonight," she replied, laughing slightly. Alex nodded, smiling, then passed her the spliff back. It was a still and cold night. Jackie let the smoke seep out her mouth and inhaled it through her nose.
They finished the spliff and went back inside. Alex found the rest of his mates and together they all got steaming. Simmo was acting strangely all night. Then Jackie started acting strange too. She was all quiet and snappy.
"Why were you being such a mardy bum yesterday," he asked her the next day. They were lounging about on the sofa at his, nursing two horrible headaches. She rolled her eyes at him.
"Not now Alex, I'm too hungover for this," she answered, misery clear in her voice.
"Just tell me and I'll stop naggin'" he told her, shuffling a bit closer so she couldn't turn over and ignore him.
"Your mate Simmo," she replied simply.
"What'dya mean? Look, I know the joke was a bit insensitive but tha's just what 'e's like," Alex began to explain, for some reason unknown to him, in Simmo's defence.
"It's not tha' you bloody great nit, he kissed me."
Alex couldn't explain why that came like a twist in the gut, but it did nonetheless. It made him stumble for his words for a moment.
"Oh," was all he managed to get out. "Did you kiss him back?"
"Of course not, he's funny, but a bit gross," Jackie replied, pulling a face, and Alex laughed. A strange sense of relief was felt somewhere in his system, although nowhere near enough to dull the queasy thud of his hangover. "'Sides, Chris asked me out the other day."
"Who the fook is Chris?"
"Chris Maher, from the garage."
"Him? You've lost your mind Jackie, he works at fookin' MotorWorld."
"He's funny! And he knows loads about cars, plus he can drive," she said stubbornly, crossing her arms.
"Why does it matter 'e can drive?"
"So I can get places, obviously," she responded dryly.
"I've almost passed me test!"
"Al, you're not even close to passing, I spoke to yer Dad an' he says you drive like you're drunk. 'Sides, I wouldn't want to get on your nerves, always cadgin' a lift." she explained, to Alex's disappointment.
"I didn't expect your type to be a guy who walks around in trackies, how desperate are ya?" Alex jabbed, a little cruelly. Jackie shot him a scathing look.
"Alexander, what is up with you? You were fine last night, an' now you're acting like I'm makin' you suck bloody lemons," she reprimanded him. She was trying to draw him into an argument, he could tell. He wasn't about to start a fight.
"Oh, it duen't matter," he said offhandedly, hoping to diffuse the issue, which seemed to work.
"He's actually a really lovely guy," Jackie added after a long pause.
"Ay, I'm sure he is," Alex replied halfheartedly.
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percyjacksonfan3 · 3 years
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The Last Olympian Thoughts
So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay​ to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)
Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought  and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape
- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both
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- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb
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- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.
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- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂
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- 😭💖
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- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! -  how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻
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- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST -  Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge
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- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖
 If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all
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fruits basket manga lb (chs 131 - 133)
CH 131
We’re learning about the origins of the curse now. Oh boy. 
The cat went to God first ;A; 
omg the cat died first.... 
God saved it!
Oh, the cat didn’t want to have eternal life... and the others and God took that as rejection.... seriously? So petty, honestly. I love learning about how it happened but I’m just like... wtf. It’s like all of this generational trauma could’ve all been avoided if God and the animals hadn’t misinterpreted shit LOl
YUKI’S CRYING ;A;
I totally understand Yuki’s feelings here. It must be hard. You’re free, but you’re also letting go of something that was a part of you for so long, something that helped shaped who you are, no matter how negative a situation. 
AH AJSFJSJF HE CAN HUG HER NOW OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT IM SOBBING
MACHI IS SO CUTE 
She’s calling him by his first name KSFJSJFJSF
AHHH THEY KISSED! ENDGAME YUCHI! <3
“When did that promise turn into a curse?” What I’ve been asking since since the very beginning rofl
AKDGDKG KYO’S SHOWING KAZUMA HIS BARE ARM IM ;A;
KAZUMA IS SO HAPPY SJJDG
Haru and Rin!! <3
omg look at Tohru pulling on Kyo’s shirt how cute
is Tohru gonna see Akito? <3
SHE’S HUGGING HER! I LOVE THIS! I love that Akito can see that even after the curse has been lifted, Tohru wasn’t lying about being there for her, about being her friend. Akito needed this, honestly. I’m very happy with the resolution of their rivalry. I’m happy with how the curse broke. 
“The Cat’s wish... wasn’t granted... until much, much later.” IM CRYINGGG
CH 132
Starting the last volume... this is so depressing, I don’t want this story to be over. 
Akigure time, lol. 
Oh is this the final banquet? 
IT’S SO NICE TO SEE RITSU AGAIN!! <333
“Things might be a bit tense.” Oh, I’m sure. I don’t think it’s all going to be sunshine and daisies. Akito may be behaving a hell of a lot better and changed her ways, but there’s still a lot of pain here, pain that she directly caused. I’m interested to see how this is going to go. 
LOL @ momiji calling Kyo a cheater we love to see familial teasing!
I love that they’re not all awkward around each other. It just goes to show that a lot of their genuine personalities poked through even among the curse. They all do have a bond, curse or no curse. And it’s very nice to see Kyo being actually included in that bond. 
lool fucking Ayame, man. I love him. 
Aww is Yuki kinda sorta looking out for Kyo around Ayame? I love this. 
HAHA 
“Akito’s ready to see you.” sfjsjfsj
OH WOW.
Look at her? She looks so pretty? 
RITSU LMFAO
Oh, Shigure got her that kimono. 
Yeaaah, this is what I’m worried about with Akigure as a ship. Akito’s better, but she still has a tendency to fly off the handle if she thinks she’s being slighted, and it makes me worried about how they would handle dispites and arguments without getting physical like that, you know? I’d hope that she’d do it less and less as time goes on. 
“All of you are free. And this may come too late, but for everything... I’m...” Oh my god. Is she trying to apologize? 
She can’t, though. It won’t come out. I bet she probably feels like sorry isn’t enough, in some ways. How do you apologize for a lifetime of suffering that you’ve caused, the trauma inflicted on other people? 
I guess Akigure are official, lol. I mean, I’m glad that Akito’s getting a somewhat happy ending. Shigure, I still don’t like him but he’s a fantastic character. 
Akito’s gonna stay at the estate and be the head without keeping anyone shackled to her. That’s as good of an ending as I could’ve anticipated for her. I’ll be honest: I still feel like she got off a little easy. She should’ve faced some legal consequences, at least. But I don’t dislike her like I used to. She’s definitely come around and I’ve partially forgiven her. 
I’ll talk more about my feelings about Akito and everything once I’ve finished, but that’s where I am right now. 
CH 133
AHHH KYORU. THEY’RE OFFICIAL! 
loool who is Mayu talking about? 
OH Yuki and the others know about Akito being a female now? Nice!
“I can’t believe I was so violent... to a girl.” KYO. MY BOY. Omg what a sweetheart? Honey, she was violent to you, too. 
“The last thing I wanted was another guy interested in you.” LMFAOOOO 
YUKI’S DYING
“The mood between the two of them has become somewhat gentler than before.” Somewhat? Girl, they’re friends now, and I’m loving it. It’s so cute. 
“He beat the crap outta me.” YES LOL
“Kyo-kun smiles more than he used to. I’ve come to realize that this is his true self.” ;A;
oh my gosh THEY’RE SO CUTE.
How are they even cuter now that they’re dating?!
“Walking together, hand in hand, isn’t something that I’ll ever take for granted.” I’m cryinggggg. ;a; My babies. 
NOT TALK OF A KYORU BABY MY HEART CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH.
AND GRANDPA KAZUMA!! HE’D DOTE ON THAT KID!
What’s wrong with my bby girl Isuzu? :(
“Not everyone... is in the same situation.” Ah, yeah... 
“How can you act like nothing ever happened? She did all kinds of nasty stuff to Kyo. And she hurt you a lot too. Those wounds will never disappear, will they?” I 1000% understand Rin here. I was waiting for this to be brought up!
Oh, Isuzu, my poor girl. 
This might change later on, but as of right now, I don’t fully forgive Akito, either. There’s just too much that she did to too many people. Like Rin, like Yuki, like Kyo. Even Hatori. I’m generally a forgiving person, but I have a hard time with abusive characters. Maybe it’s from my own past, being a survivor of abuse. Being around it and knowing how they are just impacts you differently, I guess. I don’t know if it’s right to say that maybe people who haven’t experienced abuse are able to forgive easier. 
I haven’t forgiven my abuser, and I never will. Do I still understand why they did it, why they are who they are, and do I still empathize? YES. I feel a lot for people. I feel a lot for Akito on a positive note, and I’m so proud of her progression. She’s a hurt woman who deserved better and who hurt people because she was in so much pain herself. She hasn’t been able to break free of her abuser or heal yet. She needs a safe space to do that, and she’s beginning to learn to be better and be a sweeter person. Tohru showed her that. 
But like Rin, I can’t fully forgive her. If Tohru hadn’t done what she did, hadn’t reached out to Akito, Akito never would’ve changed. She would’ve continued to be horrible and not feel regret for the things she’s done. I appreciate that she was trying to apologize, though. And there are things that I’ve forgiven her for. It’s the worst indiscretions that I can’t. How she treated Rin and Yuki, specifically. I know that she was projecting with Rin. But Rin was a child and an abuse victim herself. Out of all of them, Akito could’ve related to her. Akito knew. She used that instead to hurt Rin, and that is the one thing that I’ll never be okay with. 
“They’ll need time. A whole lot.” Yes. And even then, it may not be enough. Some scars run so fucking deep that even time doesn’t help. I’ve healed from my trauma. It doesn’t impact me anymore. I’ve learned how to cope and move on and now utilize those skills to help others. I think time will help, though, and it may allow others to forgive Akito later. 
Distance is the key here, I think. If they’re not around her, maybe forgiveness will come easier. 
Wow, Akito taking what she learned from Tohru and reaching out to the maid? We love to see it. 
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kareofbears · 3 years
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persona 5 strikers thoughts and feelings
This is going to be a long post. Like, the type of post you’d only really have time to read when you’re trying to sleep but you’re not ready to be unconscious yet so you’re just looking for something to do to spend your time with minimal effort. 
So in 2018, a masterpiece was born into the world: Into the Spider-verse was released and it was amazing—it’s honestly the best spiderman movie we have without a doubt, and it’ll be very far into the future before Spider-verse is beaten as the best spiderman movie. Them’s the facts. Then in 2019, Spider-man: Far From Home was dropped. It’s a great movie! Great characters, great continuation of who these characters are and works fantastic as a continuation of a story. It’s really hard trying to take the torch of a previous movie (or in Marvel’s case, juggling twenty something movies) and come up with a new movie that both works on its own, as well as being the next step in this series of films. Thus, with that idea in mind, I think it’s kind of unfair to judge into the spiderverse and far from home, because these are two movies with two completely different objectives in mind. 
Okay, so this is still a persona 5 strikers post, I promise, but the idea is the same: Persona 5 could basically do whatever it wanted—new story, new characters, new everything, and it’s just plain old awesome. However, Persona 5 strikers did not have that sort of freedom. It was bound to the original game, and it had its own rules and stuff it had to keep intact, characters they had to work with, and on top of that, it had to justify its existence as a sequel (lets pretend money doesnt exist lmfao). 
SO, the big question is: did it do that? Did it justify its existence? 
And my answer: holy fuck did it ever do that
I came into this game knowing the extreme bare minimum. I knew there was someone named Sophia, and i knew there was roadtrip, and i knew there were Personas. That’s my knowledge of it before i played it on the Switch.  I should also clarify like, early on, that i was not expecting anything from this game. At all. I was the world’s biggest cynic of this game—if you scroll down my p5s tag far enough, youll just see me complaining about a game that hasn’t even come out yet. I was fully expecting to have this be a Waifu show, and any male character that isn’t Akira to just be shoved aside like some kind of nerd in a high school hallway, and i have never been more pleased to be wrong. In fact, i actually owe it an apology, because of how fucking rude i was for no reason!!! Because this game deserves everything to be honest. 
Persona 5 strikers is, frankly, insane. Insane in the sense that it got to pull shit off that just would never have existed in the original game, because the original game is scared. It had to be as impressive as possible and garner as much attention as possible. Strikers does not have that problem—every single person who bought that game does not need to be convinced that persona 5 is a good game. They already played it. That means Atlus can just fuck around and have a good time, and man did they have a good time. There’s still scenes that still shock me if i think about it too hard, because i’m used to atlus having to follow this sort of rule set when it comes to persona 5 (or any of the main games im assuming, but i havent played them.) And on top of that, there’s still shit that’s Atlus Trademarked Branded in a good way. The style of story of story telling, and revealing the mystery that is so integral to what p5 is, is still there. 
So, to make this even a little bit comprehensible, i will make a list! 
First of all, What is this game?
In short, this game is an OVA of an anime. It’s bonus side content that has one thing in mind: to showcase these lovable characters more by putting them in fun situations. That’s it, and it is just phenomenal. That was the main point of, i’d say, like forty hours of the game. It’s just fun times with fun characters. 
But to get deeper of what i think is happening, or what they were thinking during the development, is that this is a second opportunity. Persona 5 (as we all know) had a lot of problems, and we were not quiet about those problems. We yelled it all out, made posts, made complaints on every social media platform ever. And Atlus heard all of them, and Strikers is a way to mitigate those mistakes. Aside from being a fun OVA, Strikers also works to be a deeper exploration of these characters—more specifically, the characters that did not receive much in the original game. Creating this sequel is having the ability to redo what they felt (or to be more specific, we felt) in the original game while adding new ones. I will get to that in a second.  
The format of the game 
Absolutely brilliant to throw them on a road trip. P5V already forced us to experience Shibuya for 200+ hours, and im so glad that they didn’t do that again. Going from town to town, making us experience these new places alongside our favorite characters is so good, and it just makes sense. It’s fun, it’s lighthearted, and it’s actually shockingly good. But one thing i do want to talk about early on is the way the story unfolds and the villains that they use, and what they do with it because it’s very interesting. 
So as we explore japan and stuff, we encounter jails, and with those jails comes an antagonist. This antagonist works to be a parallel to one of our characters. That character will find it in their hearts to feel bad for the antagonist, because the antagonist could have been them had the original game not happen. At first I thought all of the thieves were gonna get an antagonist, and i was really hyped for the ryuji one. And then came to hour forty of the game where i realized “yeah that’s not gonna happen. There’s just not enough time.” And i was right, and the game ended. But i am not salty at all, honestly, because the people who got a direct antagonist were: Ann, Yusuke, and Haru. (we wont count zen and sophie). 
Is there a trend??? Yes. these are all characters in the original game that have received the worst treatment by atlus. The three of them are basically cast aside the minute they finished their original arc, and its horrible! BUT that’s why this is the path that atlus chose for them—to give them more depth, and screentime, and a way to show their inner self. That isn’t to say that the ones who aren’t those three (makoto, futaba, mona, akira, ryuji) didn’t get anything. Futaba still has her thing at the end with ichinose, and she was very prevalent and animated during the rest of the game. Mona and Akira have to be a focal points, that’s just the nature of the game. The other two though, I will talk about in depth in a second.  
Makoto
Y’all i poke fun at shumako fans sometimes cause its kind of easy and fun, but i honestly love makoto. In my very first playthrough of p5 (my first ever jrpg game, first persona game, i had no idea what i was doing), i had only maxed out two characters: ryuji and makoto. And i know she had a lot of screentime and love in the original game which is great, but i truly felt like she was dissed in this game. Her only roles were
A driver
Someone to tell them “we don’t have a choice. Let’s keep going and see where this takes us.” (seriously, if you replay this game, you will see how much she does this)
Idk, i just wish she had more to do, especially compared to how much love they gave the other characters. 
But let’s talk about some of the new characters! 
Zenkichi
Damn you atlus. Damn you and your insistence at bringing in cop characters. I was fully on board with hating zenkichi, i was fucking ready for it. I was convinced that there was nothing they could do convince to like zenkichi. I was immune to their copaganda. 
And then i ended up loving him, which makes me sad a little bit. I didn’t realize how desperate i was to have an adult who has a persona. Someone who wants the world to change just as much as they do, while still having that aspect of them that makes them adult. Like??? As someone who is technically an adult, its a breath of fresh air. An adult. Who fights. For justice. Using a persona. And god i love akane so much, and her obsession with the thieves (that scene is probably in my top ten fave scenes of the game). Also what i loved about zenkichi is that he fucking hates the cops!! He hates the system of the cops!! And thats why i actually really started to love him!! Because i thought it was atlus saying that the systematic problem of the police cannot be solved by one person, and zenkichi threw away his badge. I actually cried at that part!! 
But then he became a cop again, and i was just :/ but as a character, i really love him to bits and would love to do a study on him, or at least use him as an outside pov. But! i absolutely love his persona, since im a les miserables fan hehe
Sophia 
she’s probably my favorite new aspect of the game. I was ready to not like her—again, i just suck like that, lmfao—and when i saw her, i was scared that she was just another waifu. I mean, she was very cute after all. But then as the game went on, i thought she was a little too cute. And even further into the game, i finally slapped myself in the face and realized oh my god shes not a waifu. Shes a sister. 
That blew my mind, im ngl to you. A female character that isn’t supposed to be romanced? By jove, what a miracle! 
And she…is an amazing character. Im sorry, i just love her so much. I love her so much that she  probably ranks as my fifth or sixth favorite character which is surprising even to me. Everything about her is delightful and invigorating. She’s funny??? Her comedic timing is amazing, and she has such chemistry with the rest of the team. She’s actually useful to the plot, and while her character design is a little too on the nose for me in terms of cuteness (i mean, good god she’s wearing oversized sweater to show how cute and tiny she is, and her hair has literal hearts in it), she is absolutely lovable. 
But what i actually really wanna gush about for a second is sophia at the last stage of the game. You get the idea, i dont really like to get excited over things, so at this point i figured that there was nothing this game could do to shock me. 
And then sophia had a persona awakening. 
Like. holy fuck did i yell. I didnt realize what was happening until the music had already kicked in. and its just so fucking smart!!! Sophia??? The ai?? With no heart?? gOT A PERSONA???? AWAKENING??? BECAUSE SHE LEARNED WHAT THE HEART IS AND THE PASSION THAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO GET A PERSONA??? I started crying honestly, because it was just so smart. And looking back on it now, its obvious!! Of course it would lead to this, it only made sense that the culmination of her character arc leads to her getting a persona, nothing else would have been as good. Also, her voice actor is just amazing?? When she was talking to ichinose at the end, i actually got incredibly emotional because of the line reads. Its just so spot on and it really captures the essence of sophia.
Muah. five stars Atlus. You got me. 
Ryuji <3!!!!
Oh man. Oh boy. Okay. so where do i start. 
Yall know i love him. Hes probably my favorite fictional male character of all time, and he is the one i was the absolute most cynical about in this game. I was expecting literally nothing. Nothing. Like. nothing. I thought he was just gonna keep being used as a joke, or a gag, and he’s gonna be super horny all the time for the other girls and it was gonna make me mad and there was gonna be some insane homophobic/queerphobic jokes in every other scene and i know i was being unfair, but i cant help it. 
And then i played the first two hours of the game, and i cried the entire time. Because ryuji has never been better than he is in this game. Its crazy. 
The ryuji in persona 5 strikers is who ryuji should have been/how he should have been treated this entire time. From the actual funny jokes (for example, the gold bar joke + his reaction to it in the beginning of the game), defending his female friends instead of being the one people need to defend from (natsume arc), and the fact that he was the one to be there with morgana and akira in the very beginning of the game. Its such a small thing that they didnt even need to do, but it was such an integral part of the original game for me, that i just was convinced that nothing like this was going to happen. But then it happened. Its just small stuff like that that could have been overlooked but it wasn’t because this game? Persona 5 strikers? Fucking loves ryuji. 
The actual respect they gave this boy is insane and i wasn't ready for it. Like, they gave the shujin trio lunch, they gave the little charm of the katana when they were in natsume’s jail, and, in my opinion this is the second-best thing that they could have given ryuji is sophia. Ryuji and sophia are the pinnacle of a brother & sister bonding relationship in the game that isn’t akira & futaba. And its really prevalent too?? Small stuff from the beginning of the game (pulling her out of a jail, calling her shorty), but then you have the iconic “shut the fuck up” scene, and that scene was so well characterized and written and voice acted, that somehow him saying “fuck” was the least exciting part of that scene to me. Ryuji is an older brother to her, like its undoubtable, and its only further cemented at the end of the game where Ryuji helps out ichinose because he knows how much sophia cares about her. This game. Love ryuji. And i love. This game. 
You know what else i love? Akiryu. 
Guys. i was fully prepared to starve in terms of akiryu. But theres just. So much of it. I wont get too deep into it, because i think this aspect of the game for me still needs marinate a little bit. Like, what was that last shot when EMMA died and Ryuji walked to approach Akira so they could relish in their victory together?? And the smile from both of them??? What the fuck. That was amazing. Also Joker being saved by Ryuji when he was about to fall from the cliff to save sophia??? WHAT. The LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN? WHAT. anyway. If theres anything i want to keep for myself in my own brain, its the akiryu aspect of this game, so i wont talk too much about that part of things (instead, itll probably manifest in fic lmfaooo). 
Sure, there’s tidbits of stuff i dont like that they gave ryuji: sexualizing ann in that one cut scene and making him touch the jails even though it hurts, and i recognize those and frown at them, but for the most part, i am blown away with how they treated him.
Basically, Ryuji has never been better. From the opening of the game with him being the first text message and the one to sling his arm around akira, to the very last cut scene where it was ryuji wordlessly leaving because he’s so confident that they would never be separated for long, this game adores Ryuji and i am so so happy to say that.
The Royal aspect of things
Yeah, i had to talk about this, but itll be a short thing i just wanted to point out. Because the last part of this game...is persona 5 royal. Which is curious. Like taking reality and giving that power to someone else so you dont have to experience suffering anymore? And even like, the final section just looked a lot like the top half of maruki’s palace?? And whats even crazier is that we had a boss fight with sophia, just like how we had a boss fight with sumire? Royal and Strikers have like, the same thesis statement. It’s kind of uncanny.It’s interesting, it’s like atlus came up with these two ideas, and then just decided they liked both of them so much that they just did it twice. I don’t mind though—actually, in terms of how the last Palace/Jails go, i probably like them both about equally. 
Though i did love the final battle in this one more than i did in royal. Splitting into teams?? Thats cool as fuck, and really innovative and i didnt see it coming. It also kicked my ass. A lot. 
Now for the last stretch: the small stuff!
The music — bomb as fuck. In my heart, Daredevil is ranked the same as Rivers. Axe to grind is also amazing, but Daredevil owns me
Akechi — i really debated whether or not to talk about him, but i figured a bullet point should be enough. Im really shocked that he wasnt in this at all. Like not even a name drop. If this is an OVA, and the point of the game is to please the fans, and akechi is arguably the fan favorite character, i was really ready for something. But there was nothing, except for the pancake hallway if that even counts as a reference. Thats it. Thats all i wanted to say about him.
The humour — FUCKING HILARIOUS im convinced that in my fifty hour playtime, five of that is dedicated to me laughing and unable to continue the game 
Akira — so much personality! His lines of dialogue are crazy sometimes (like. Whats up with him saying Ryuji has ‘nice abs’ when they were in bath? Im crazy and even i dont know what the fuck that could mean) 
Battle system — oh my god i almost forgot to talk about this. I love it! I kind of miss the turn based aspect just because i found it very comforting for some reason, but this hack and slash style of gameplay is so invigorating because i do feel like it justifies shit like the baton pass and huge attacks.  This battle system fully encompases how the Phantom Thieves are supposed to fight, you know what i mean?
Anyway, thats my thoughts on strikers. Loved it. Amazing. 9.3/10, wouldve been higher but Konoe’s Jail almost bored me to death. Also im a monster and i didnt do any requests that isn’t a fun one, teehee. As if i play persona 5 for the persona aspect of things.
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hazbinextgeneration · 3 years
Text
Into The Casino Ch13
Disease wa quick to catch up with the pretty pony down the hall and she seemed just a little rattled from the intense asking. Lou seemed to be VERY against the idea, but..she did it. SHE DID IT!! The feeling brought a small proud feeling to her as she silently marveled at her small victory. She can't believe she actually did that! And it worked!...But she would slow down. She only got this far by sheer luck, best not to push it too far. Especially when Disease casually strode up to her with a raised brow.
"Ssso. You wanna go sssee the bird brain?," he questioned raising a brow to her. She paused. It took her a moment for her to gather her senses enough for her to reach into her dress pocket and pull out the small pink business card from it, Disease flicked his tongue at it and slowly took it from her once his senses registered it as harmless. His smile never leaving. "I-...Can you take me there?" Her finger reached out and pointed to the small address under the fancy club name written on it, and Disease chuckled. "Nah. You don't to worry that pretty little head off. Wouldn't be the first time I went down to sssteal a few secrets from there.~" He gestured for her to follow and she blinked before slowly trailing after him. Walking there instead of using the armored limo was a new feeling. It reminded her of the week she spent finally free of that horrible cage, only to wonder the streets for almost a whole week, homeless, hungry, and hoping she wouldn't get mugged when she took short naps in doorways. Everyone always looking at each other like they would suddenly snap and be at each other's throats, and she was always afraid that someone was going to be her. Again those feelings came back as she glanced around the red sky and run down looking buildings. Compared to Lou's casino, these looked much less taken cared of and she couldn't help but shiver at what was inside of them. Strangers? Drugs? Or maybe something much, much worse. Disease didn't at all fazed by what was going on around them though. Humming and flicking his tongue out every so often, like this was just another day on the job for him and for all she knew it probably was. After all he did say it wouldn't be his first time going down there to find out secrets, but she didn't know what secrets he could possibly want. Rita and him despite being on such ...tense terms seemed to get along alright. Or maybe not, what did she know. But her attention went back to the snake when he inched himself with a growl...and she leaned back instantly. Did he have....fleas?! A moment later he seemed back to normal and resumed whistling. ...She had no idea what this man could do. She had a couple ideas for Lou and Cyber with what power they had demonstrated. Lou's plants were a key part of him and he seemed very calculating by his eyes. So did Cyber but they seemed to be calculating in different way. Lou was like a gambling man, watching his every move carefully. Mentally rolling the dice as it was, looking at all the choices and trying each one before going for the one that seemed to work. Cyber's way of calculating was...well like this computer thing Lou told her about. Calculating the most likely outcomes and going straight for it. There was no denying she was as much of a powerhouse as she was smart. But she literally knew nothing about this serpent other that he was apparently married to Midnight and a father. He seemed to know exactly what she was thinking because he chuckled and gave her a quick side glance raising a brow. Similar to what Lou would do but coming from Disease it was much less threatening, maybe it was because she was taller than him? "Ssso, any specific reason you're going to a place like Bird Brains?" She blinked before looking down. "W-Well..I-It's not really to see Rita." Disease fully turned to her now, smiling widening a bit and senses all high for what she had to say now. Oh this was interesting. "I-....I w-was hoping to talk to one of her workers." His brow rose further and he hummed. "Which one? Dolly'ssss really nice. Just don't touch her or ol' Jaspy boy'sss bound bash ya sane...Not that Im speaking from experience." She chose to ignore that last bit, and what was the risk of telling? Would he tell Lou?...Most likely, Lou did NOT seem the slightest bit happy about her going at all. So with a breath she answered, "Someone who could possibly answer my questions. I can't not know the answers for m-my sake." Disease rose a brow and his sly mind revolved around that idea for a moment before shaking his head. Remembering Lou's orders to keep her away from people. Eh, the guy was always a spoil sport. "I wouldn't go too far if I were you. Clubs are hotspots for big bad people to come around and cause trouble. Better stick close in places like strip clubs if you don't wanna get caught.~" Her ears went back and she sighed. "Alright." Disease nodded. This job should be easy. "....Hey Disease. W-What's a strip club?" The snake stopped. Completely, utterly stopped. Just like someone paused a movie. His leg was still stuck out like he was about to take a step, tongue stuck out, and eyes wide with his frozen smile....And he slowly looked up to her. She stared down at him confused at his actions but he finally spoke. "...Heh. Well then. I guesss you'll be in for a shocking surprise, eh horn head?" To say she was shocked was an understantement. He was completely. Utterly. MORTIFED at what was presented before her. When they finally got to the Heaven in Hell Strip Club, Disease still hadn't said a word about anything and so when they slunk through a side way he 'just happened to know' instead of using the main entrance where a long line was, her ears were almost immediately blasted with loud obnoxious sounds, and when asked Disease simply told her it was the clubs music.....THAT WAS MUSIC???? The next thing was multicolored bright light that made her go blind for a second. But she wished she was still blinded as the sight that finally hit her was almost like a literally punch to the face. And her jaw dropped in horror at the scene before her. What she could only describe as ....VERY, very exotic dancers were entertaining many guests sipping multicolored drinks and at another part of the entire thing was a whole bunch of demons close together partying and....Was that dancing?! That could not have been dancing! Where was the jazz band and the fancy dresses and the tap dancing??...She wished she was still blinded and not staring at the horror in front of her. Disease didn't seem to mind one bit as his tongue flicked more as he oogled some of the women in the area. He could feel Midnight slapping him and the cute self concious and jealous pout on her face and he snickered. She was so cute like that. He turned back to the frozen look of horror on the women and grabbed her arm to start tugging her away, but she yanked her arm away from him in instinct. The contact finally bringing her back to her senses as she took one last look at the horror show in front of her and looked at him in question. He snickered and gestured around them. "What did ya expect?! Welcome to hell, Horn Head!!" ..Well, he had a point. She really shouldn't have expected anything less by now. But when he started moving from the upper level he was at, she followed closely behind. They were passed by other demons who wore clothes she wouldn't be caught dead in. Maybe a couple making out, the smell of alcohol and smoke attacking her senses to where she coughed and reached a hand to cover her mouth and nose from everything. Everything burnt and hurt her watering eyes and the spinning sights were starting to make her head hurt. How could anyone like this kind of place?! Disease however ever oblivious continued to lead her down the steps and his tongue flicked towards the bar and slitted eyes glancing over all the drinks being served by the bartender. Her eyes rolled, men. Typical- Her shoulder bumped against someone and for a moment she made eye contact with another demon. Red cherry skin and snow white hair staring back at her. "OMG! S-Sorry! I-I'm so sorry!!" She tucked her head down and quickly stepped down the stairs after the still walking away snake. Catching up to him just as he reached the bottom of the stairs and started making his way towards the bar counter. " I-Isn't it too early to be drinking anything?" He blew her off and still headed to the counter. "You kidding me? Cyber interrupted my drinking sssession so Im taking the time to finish it here. Relax your fuzzy face...And speakin' of fuzzy." His smile became sly as he leaned against the counter and rose a brow. " 'Ey, Dolly. How'sss it been, Sweetcheeks?" She blinked her purple eyes as one women standing by the bar turned around and immediately smiled seeing the snake man. "OMG!! Hello, Disease! I wasn't expecting to see you here tonight!" The gal looked...pretty cute. Her eyes big and giggles at seeing the snake like he was an old friend. Guess he really did sneak in here more than once. "You want the usually tonight?" He nodded. "Yeah. And maybe a burger or somethin'. Im starvin'." The lady giggled and nodded her head before bouncing off with a hum. Leaving her standing there with the snake who crawled into one of the barstools and ran his long tongue over his fangs as a bottle was placed in front of him. "HEL-LO beautiful.~" Amalfia rose a brow as Disease began chugging the bottle down like it was his last decent drink, before directing her eyes back to the giant mess of a laughing and rowdy crowd. "Uh...S-Shouldn't we be finding someone here? I-I still want to know something." He again blew her off and went back to looking into the inside of the bottle. "Even if you did ask nobody would care enough to listen anyways. Now stick close will ya? Placesss like this would eat your weak little heart out, Sugar." She scowled at his response. He didn't even look at her, and she wasn't about to even drink that toxic stuff. With a sigh, she coughed a few more times from smells and smokes, turning her eyes to the side. Her eyes almost didn't catch the flash of white within the tall crowd and she paused. She could barely see it, but there was a small flash of white making it's way across the very crowd and those purple eyes followed it until it vanished....Quickly he unleaned against the wall and gave a nervous look to Disease, who was still downing the bottle and not even looking anywhere in her direction. She hesitated. Should she go for it? What if she was wrong and she just got in a heap in trouble for nothing. ....But if she was right- It was decided then, with a hiss intake of air, she sucked it u[ and began pushing her way into the crowd. ...GOD!! It was worse than she thought!! Everyone kept shoving and pushing her, screams and laughs were thrown into her ears so much they retreated against her head and she groaned. Her mind partially blurred as her eyes looked everywhere for a flash of white. But it was hopeless, she couldn't see anything past the flashy lights and moving demons- Until she finally broke through the other side, almost colliding with the wall. Her body gasped as if she had burst from water instead of a small crowd and groaned. Coughing her lungs out once her eyes reopened...And wouldn't you know it, she saw white. Literally. From across from her was a giant white head with a purple strap and purple hat on it. And when the head turned around- She almost smiled from the relief and excitement she felt from seeing the grumpy face of the white skeleton. Charles was standing right across the room from her! Said skeleton was tapping his foot and looking at a clipboard in his hand with a scrutening look, it reminded her of the faces Midnight gave the few times she walked in on the woman looking through her spell books. But her excitement was short lived when he turned and began walking away, which made her body shift into gear and hurry after him. She almost lost him again too, hurrying through another small crowd and trying to keep her eyes on that flash on white. Luckily she glimpsed a small purple hat ducking through a small door in the back. Well of course she followed him right up to the door, and there wasn't anything stopping her from going in...Except for the Staff Only sign right above the door. That's what made her pause and stare dead at the white door in front of herself. Well this was just great! Now she had to wait around for him to come back out! Which could be bad. Someone could wonder why she was standing in front of the door for so long, or Disease could notice she was missing. He would probably make her leave and she wasn't leaving without having those darn answers!...Her sanity as she knew it was on the line, and the mere thought of being a prisoner again was starting become overwhelming and her stomach did a flip flop. That was NOT happening!! With one determined shove, the swinging door was pushed open and in she went without a second thought. The inside was...different from what she expected. It looked quite a lot like the staff's lounge back at the casino only much smaller and less fancy. A few couches, a mini fridge, other kitchen things, a television, and a few other relaxing things meant for the ones who worked the place. But her purple eyes laser focused onto the figure in the middle who was currently pouring himself a cup of coffee while grumbling that sounded like 'stupid creature', being sighing and bringing the piping hot liquid to his lips. She again hesitated. Here he was. Right in front of her, no one around to stop them. But considering she's basically trespassing and the fact he was clearly annoyed....This might not be the best time..She almost wussed out, until that thought of being trapped again crossed her mind..she was not going to back down and become someone's pet or plaything again! With a sharp intake- "C-Charles?" The skeleton jumped, and snapped his head to her. One eye widened in surprise. Clearly he wasn't expecting her to be there, some of the coffee spilling out of his cup and dripping down the sides of the mug he was holding. Both stared at each other for a few tense seconds before his surprised face turned into a scowl, "What are you doing back here?! Can't you read!!" "Y-Yes! But you don't understand. Im here because I need your h-help-" "Then you can wait outside just like everyone else!" The coffee mug was placed back onto the counter and he bagan marching towards her, making shooing motions with his hands. "Go on. Out, out, out!! You can make a complaint with me after my break!" "No, it's not about that!" "Then it can still wait u-" "IT'S ABOUT LOU!!" Her eyes slammed shut. Silence. She was expecting him to still kick her out. For hands to start shoving her back to the door...but nothing but silence greeted her ears. Ever so slowly, she reopened her eyes and blinked down to him. Charles was in a similar pose Disease was in when he froze. Only this time he wasn't all the way frozen and just blinking up at her. His arms still in that shooing position, but soon a scowl formed on his face and his arms were quick to go back to his sides. She could now tell this guy was suspicious by the way he was looking her over. "...And why would you want to ask me about him?," he asked crossing his arms. Well, that wasn't a no. But she had to word her next few words very carefully. "I-I..it's me." His brow rose. "W-W-We met a-at the dress shop? You were with...R-Rubix?" It was like a switch was flipped in his head turning on a lightbulb and his scowl became even more annoyed. He looked her over and finally seemed to recognize her from those months ago. ".....Yeah? Rita told me about how you're his...'lover' now" He made quotation movements with his hand and spat it out like it disgusted him. "What?! N-No! Nothing like that! W-We're not-...H-He's just courting me!" It didn't seem that made him even less impressed as he still scowled. "Well? Whatddya want? If you haven't notice I have a job to do and I don't wanna spend my break playing nursemaid to someone like you! Did he put you up to this?" "W-Wha- N-No! I came here be-because-..." She sighed and looked down, reaching up to rub her arm. SHould she really tell him her reasoning? Would he even tell her if she did tell him? He looked already suspicious and not willing to speak yet..well, she definately had nothing to lose. "I-...Need to know more about him. And you are the only one who knows about him enough to tell me what I want to know?...Please." A small silence followed...and she heard footsteps walking away from her. Those purple eyes blinked up and watched as Charles made his way back to the counter. Grabbing his coffee mug, before taking a giant swig of it. An almost calm look on his face as he sighed and looked up from it. The two stood there staring for a few moments. "You want to hear why I hate Lou to no end?" She nodded and he hummed, almost not beleiving her. "Im happy to tell but what do you get out of it?" ".....Im hoping to not get hurt. That's the most honest way I can word it." There was another pause before he huffed what sounded like a chuckle before looking at her. "You really serious about this?" She nodded and he hummed. "Alright. Since you're so willing to listen I will allow it." A huge wave of releif came over her and she let out a breath, watching as he walked over to a couch and sat down in it. Placing the mug back down and looking up to her with a serious face. "How much DO you know?" ....Shr shrugged. "Not much. Just vague details about his death, but Rita t-told me you two knew each other for a long time." He huffed again and she flinched. Placing the mug onto the coffee table rather roughly and staring at her. "Yes. Unfortunately we did. But beleive me if I had it my way, I would go back and time and strangle him until he wilted sooner." She blinked and remained silent so he continued. "You want to know who he was? To put it simply he was and always will be a slimey, rotten, manipulative b*st*rd who uses others for his own gain and never thinks twice about anyone but himself!..Maybe that metalheaded body guard being a slight acception, but that's besides the point." He pointed at her and her ears went back. "Even if he's telling the truth, I wouldn't trust ANYTHING that comes out of his cabbage patch mouth. He's the whole reason for what happened to me!!" "W-What happened? I don-" The coffee table shook when the smaller man slammed his hands down onto it. His one eye glowing with hatred and when he opened his mouth fangs appeared. "HE FUCKING KILLED ME!! YOU WANT TO REALLY KNOW WHY I HATE HIM SO MUCH!? IT'S BECAUSE THAT OVER GROWN F*CKING LEAF WAS THE DEATH OF ME AND NOW I GET TO SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY KNOWING HE'S JUST UP THE ROAD AND I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF RUNNING INTO HIM TOO UNLESS ONE OF US ARE KILLED OFF AGAIN!! AND THIS TIME!! IT WON'T BE ME GOING UNDER FIRST!!" His chest heaved and it took a couple blinks for him to look back to her. The unicorn's body was like that of a scared hellhound. Leaning back with scared wide doe-eyes and looking like she'd bolt any second. His heaving slowly went down and he sighed, slowly letting his body drift back down into the comfy cushions of the couch and relaxing back. The embers of hate slowly burning out and his teeth going back to their normal state. He slowly lifted a hand to grab the cup and again brought it back to his mouth. "....That is what he was and that is what he WILL always be! Life, death, and in between." He took a sip and gave her a glance she couldn't quite understand. ".....Not to mention a womanizer. Men and women have been heartbroken by him but it comes at no surprise to me. That's how he is." She didn't answer right away. Just staring at him in absolutely horror at what she had said and her mind rushing trying to process this new information. She new he must've done something bad to end up here, but...he actually killed Charles. The skeleton demon looked too passionate about that to have been lying and so Lou.....But he hadn't even lifted a hand to anyone as far as she's been there. To her he was WAY more interested in collecting money(or whatever was counted as money down there) and playing his games. ..Or occupying his plants, she had no idea what his garden looked like. But the way she was staring at Charles...Well it certainly wasn't like the scowl he was giving her back, until he sighed again. "There you have it. All laid out. Whether you beleive me or not, I don't care, but don't blame me when something happens." ".....Im s-s-sorry." It came out just above a whisper, but it was still enough to get him to stop and snap his eye back up to her, blinking rapidly. "...What did you say?" She stood there staring at him with a blank but wide eyed face. "I-I...*inhale* I s-said. Im sorry. I don't think you deserved what happened to you...I r-really don't." He just stared at her. She was...apologizing? To him?! For something Lou did that she didn't even do?! ...He stared at her for a moment, but a little voice whispered: But Lou doesn't pick just any sideliner to just make googoo eyes over. Something must be horrific about her to earn her a spot on leafboy's arm. So he looked away with a scoff. "....You came and you got what you wanted. But I suggest if you don't want to end up like this-" He pointed a hand to the eye patch he wore."- I would advise you to get as far from him as possible...while you still can that is." She stood there but looked down again. "O-Oh. I see." An awkward silence filled the air and she took a shaky breath. She guessed it was time for her to go now. So she took a step to the door. "T-Thank you for your time. I-Im sorry to have bothered you, Charles." He still didn't look at her when she opened the door. "Just...don't say I didn't warn you. Good luck. Hell knows you'll need it." She didn't say anything else when she stumbled out the door, regaining her balance and taking a deep breath- Coughing from the smoke and alcohol smell. Well....She couldn't be too upset. That's what she told herself when she began making her way back to where she hoped Disease would still be, not pushing very hard or fast anymore since she wasn't in a hurry, but the sounds and lights didn't bug her much this time. She still coughed though. Her mind was almost a blank and everything was a blur around her as her mind still revolved around what just happened and mixed feelings were still revolving around her head...No wonder the two hated each other, but...She didn't know. Her head still couldn't make heads or tails of one thing. Lou...hadn't hurt anyone as far as she knew? Yes there WAS something definately behind those red eyes she should be worried about...But there WAS something else. She didn't know what but when he spoke she always felt like, he was telling the truth. Maybe not the whole truth all the time, but if there was one thing he always was it was honest. Since when was anyone honest with her? It was more than she could say for everyone else. And it's not like he could've wanted anything from her. What could she have had that made her even worth his time?...Which was a good question she still needed to answer. But for now, she had gotten most of what she needed to decide- Something grabbed and on instinct she whirled around and brought a hand up-....Only to stop when a hair of slitted snakes eyes and a frown stared up at her. "Didn't I tell you to ssstay with me?! Do you know how much trouble we both could've been in?" Her fear quickly went away and she sighed. "I-...Im sorry. I just...wanted to look around f-for..." "For Rita or someone." He narrowed his eyes flicking his tongue. "And DID you find someone?" "Yes." He blinked. Mildly surprised she wasn't trying to deny it like most people, but she frowned. "But I didn't find out anything I wanted to know." She wasn't lying. She wanted to hear good news. Maybe he got sent to hell for merely gambling or maybe something like that. She wanted to find that out. Not what she was told. Disease stared at her for a few more seconds. Tongue flicking out then back in...before he smiled in satisfaction. She wasn't lying. "That's the ssstuff I wanna here. Now you're coming back with me. And try not to wonder off like a lost sheep this time."
All characters except Amalfia belongs to @palettepainter
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p1nkwitch · 3 years
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I have plenty of questions about your fanfics I don't even know when to start. Can I just name every one of them and send you star with it?
But please tell me something interesting funfact behind Heart Machinations? Also were you at some point considering bad/different ending?
i think i would never finish writing if you did send me all of them even with the star, i ramble a lot and go on tangents, but if you send them like 3 fics per day i can make it i promise.
Ok to start! Nope! This was the story where i literally envisioned the ending first and had to go backwards to write it. The ending was solid.
But for fun facts!! Oh boy.
This entire story begun with the idea of a one shot, with a slight different plot, it would have ended with Peter as an old man uploading his mind like he promised Elias in the fic and coming back as an Ai, to stay with Elias for as long as they could. I ended up switching things arounf in my head until i ended up with the image.
The thing that started this entire fic.
Peter floating in space with Elias declaring his love.
I was forced by the entire story to find ways to keep them from confessing earlier than intended. God did i regret having to put it so later, because the mental flips i needed to justify them not realizing, were driving me up to a wall.
Another thing that i was not aiming for, but ended up liking was the TimPeter, i didnt aim for it to be a plot point, i didnt even ship them, but i wrote them so well i actually hesitated. Not to the Elias romance with Peter that was a given, but i hesitated to actually make a policule out of everyone.
In the end i decided to go for my original plan, but it had been a posibility.
Most of the relationships surged as the soty progressed, because i realized if it was only them it would get boring so i started to shuffle characters and relationships and it worked far better than i intended.
Now the other interesting tidbit.
Was that originally i was intending for Elias to be the actual big bad, a la Glados in portal. Elias tricks Tim and Peter into thinking Jon went rouge and he got Leitner killed so Peter connects him, Elias pretends things are normal but sends him off to rrepair something outside, once Peter is safe he uses the gas to kill everyone who is not going to be sent to do experiments in the hidden labs.
Martin opens the door for Peter makes him help by trying Elias like the original one did to get himshut down. He realizes and hurt tries to attack him, Martin uses the portal door and Peter still tries to hold unto Elias, but they ended up slipping and going into space.
The Simon plot point was always going to be there, same as the oxygen and confession.They apologize and everything.
In fact Peter was never supposed to realize Elias was killing people until he takes over. I realized it would be impossible to keep him in the dark for so long along with the not confessing so i had to give one up for the story and i was set on my ways.
The more i developed them, the more i started to change the plot to fit better with the new narrative wanting it to be more satisfiying.
Something else that i changed in the story, was that after Leitner dies, Gertrude was supposed to come to check the station, Elias sees her and gets her killed. It did not pan out of course, because i considered it would be too out of nowhere.
When i realize the story was sort of getting shifted i went with the idea to switch the notSasha on its head. Which created lovely Pasha!! Whom i love a lot.
Another thing that i had to develop because i grew very fond of it were Missy and Titania. Particularly Missy, since Titania was a stand in for the vast in some ways. Missy was needed to provide Peter some form of love, since yes, i made the Lukas terrible people, but a child still needs some love to grow and i wanted someone to help with that since Simon couldnt. I love her a lot and honestly wish i could use her in more stories because she is a great character. I know people dont really are in it for the original characters but she is dear to me.
The honest to god most fun i had during the story was writting the chats between the characters and the moments where Elias and Peter where being horny for each other. Peter freaking out silently about the things Elias said, while Elias was being the most horny creature in the station was delightful.
My favourite parts were also writing Elias realizing that he ruined Peter, that he had caused his misery, i wish i could have gone harder on those. Because they are a great part of his motivations. He starst not caring but the more he falls in love, the more he realizes how much of a horrible person he is and how much he is hurting Peter. I love that, i put it before but i like making characters go though bad stuff to get them to the good, to get that catharsis after all the bad.
I wanted to do a bonus. Where Peter does go to Simon’s funeral and everyone has to sit there while Android Simon was just chilling giving his own eulogy.
One thing i sort of chikened out of, but left crumbs around was the plot point that ogElias and Micheal Shelley were dating. Thats why Elias had the picture and writings about him. They split due to Gertrude and Elias defending JON4H. Its why Elias could keep Helen so easily to raise her. She calls him uncle, because they had broken up and he felt he didnt deserve to take that from Micheal.
Currently they made up and since Elias was single they are patching things up, Helen was thrilled.
This is also the story where the cats appear. And im so glad for it.
Captain was an idea based on the au of another fic i love Timeline of Theseus, i just pictured Peter getting the cat and voila. (No, there is no cat in there, but it would had been so funny) They were foils, Elias has a lonely cat and Peter a beholding one. They fall in love. I like that.
Thats all i can remember now. Nikola was always also a plot point, i mean who else would make androids but the puppet herself! Since ideally i intended for Elias to get a body, it was supposed to happen.
I went off, but i really did have a lot of ideas and scrapped ones that i figured no one would see. Im happy i could just leave them out to the world!!
So yes ask away, but as you can see, i sort of go off. Thanks for asking!!!! I hope its what you wanted. Sorry if it goes all over the place.
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