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maxverstappensflatbrim · 10 months

Text

Show Me Yours Incorrect Quotes

I got bored and I'm having a major's writer block so I messed around with an incorrect quotes generator for Show Me Yours

(here's the link for anyone interested: https://incorrect-quotes-generator.neocities.org/)

Tommie and Matty

Tommie: Matty... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Matty: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Tommie: Tommie: I wrote sanitize, Matty.

Tommie: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE Matty: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially Tommie, desperately, as Matty bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE Matty: Oh! B positive. Tommie: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE Matty:

Tommie: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running? Matty: Oh, I’m always running Matty: The question is from what

The Band

Tommie: Bye Matty! Bye Ross! Bye George! Bye Adam! Bye Matty! Ross: You said ‘bye Matty’ twice. Tommie: I like Matty.

Matty: I’m an idiot. Ross: George: Adam: Tommie: Matty: Tommie: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

Tommie: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Matty: I witnessed the dumb stuff. George: I recorded the dumb stuff. Ross: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Adam: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Matty: What does 'take out' mean? Ross: Food. Adam: Dating George: Murder Tommie: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Adam: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life Matty: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years! Tommie: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this! Ross: I knew I lost that potential somewhere! George: My moral code, is that you? Adam: Adam: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Matty: Ross, can I talk to you for a second? Ross: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Tommie are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Matty: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

George: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? Tommie: The car takes a screenshot. Adam: For the last time, get the fuck out.

Adam: This is such a bad idea. Tommie: Then why are you coming along? Adam: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Adam: Tommie... Tommie: Oh no, 'Tommie' in b-flat. Tommie: You're disappointed.

Tommie and Others

Tommie: Caleb and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- Caleb: Sentences. Tommie: Don't interrupt me.

Tommie: Am I in trouble? Jamie: Take a guess. Tommie: No? Jamie: Take another guess.

Mitch: Must be hard not being able to laugh Tommie: I do have a sense of humor you know Mitch: I’ve never heard you laugh before Tommie: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

Phoebe: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Tommie: You mean literally or figuratively? Phoebe: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

Phoebe: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works. Tommie, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

Jamie, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something. Tommie: I saw a squirrel in a tree today! Jamie, with the tone of someone who is used to Tommie: Outstanding. Jamie: This is what I’m talking about people.

Jamie Cook: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Tommie: The cow??? Jamie Cook: What? Ross: Tommie, W H Y?

#show me yours matty healy #matty healy x oc #matty healy imagine

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kaaytea · 4 years

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S/O does their makeup

⤷Includes: Akaashi, Kuroo, Bokuto, Sugawara

A/N: wow look I did self insert stuff for once, absolutely wild. I had a blast writing this so enjoy :))

----------------------------------------------------------

Akaashi

The both of you were lying on the couch in the living room, he was lying on top of you while you scrolled through Instagram

You landed on a post with a very pretty, shimmery smoky eye

Inspiration has struck ✨

"Kaashi?"

"hmm?"

"can I do your makeup?"

"..."

"ok"

Tired Akaashi = he really doesn't care as long as he can relax

He gets up off of you and waits for you to return with yo makeup bag

He mayhaps have dozed off for a bit while you were doing his eyebrows

You were just being very gentle with him and he was so relaxed he just-🥺🥺 sleepy boy

You had to wake him up to do his eyeshadow tho and you felt so bad bc he looked so peaceful

He hated the eyeliner

It felt weird and you poked his eye a few times bc he kept moving

3/10 he doesn't recommend not a fun experience

You on the other hand were loving the look rn tho

He had a shimmery black smoky eye w/ some sliver glitter on the lid, and winged liner

Originally you wanted to do lashes too but decided not to for his safety and comfort

"Akaashi I need you to open your mouth slightly"

".....huh?"

"I'm putting your lipstick on"

"ok"

He's so compliant, he knows how happy this is making you so he just rolls with it

When you finish he opens his eyes and looks at you and you just 😳😳

If you thought he was beautiful before he is absolutely gorgeous now

"can I see?"

" OH... uh yeah sure"

You give him a hand held mirror and....he actually really likes how he looks? Never really thought makeup was for him but.... apparently it is bc wOw his brows look good

Has a big smile when he looks back at you

" I really like it"

" I- you don't hate it? Really?"

" of course not, my eyebrows look cool :))"

Only Akaashi Keiji would describe his perfect eyebrows as "cool"

Kuroo

Ha ha a curious kitty

You had just finished organizing your makeup, you had been putting off going through all of it and getting rid of expired/things you didn't use but you finally did it and now everything is v v clean and organized

Little did you know this curious cat had been watching you the whole time from your bed

Literally didn't even know he was there till he spoke to you

"Could you do my makeup?"

"what? You really want me to put makeup on you?"

"yeah, I'm intrigued by it. I wanna know how it feels"

You just kinda shrug, grab a few products and go to sit in front of him on the bed

Doesn't fidget at all, he stays completely still throughout the entire process

Asks alot of questions tho

"what's this do?"

" That's an eyelash curler"

" It looks like a torture device"

At first you were just gonna put some eyeliner on him and give him a fun lip color, but then you added a bit of pink eyeshadow and some gold graphic liner...and some red liner on his lower lash line

Yeah you kinda went wild

He was snooping around in the lil bag you had your single shadows in when you heard him gasp

" is this heart shaped glitter??!!"

"uuh yeah"

"PUT IT ON ME!!"

He's very excited about the glitter 😌😌

You put it high up on his cheek bones/ under his eyes

By some miracle you were able to get lashes on him

He was very happy with how it turned out

" damn I look really hot"

"wait this isn't fair, how come you're like 10x more sexy now :("

"Some people are just born with it babe"

Deff sends a photo to Bokuto and acts like he's trying to slide into his dms

"Hey there big boy, heard you're good at spiking balls, maybe you could hit some other things for me ;))"

"HDJDBSKSJ!!!"

"WAIT WHY DO YOU ACTUALLY LOOK GOOD?? I DONT LIKE THIS!!!"

";))"

Bokuto

He's the one who asked you

He was really bored and just kinda flopped on your bed, it was one of those stormy days where you couldn't go out

He spotted your makeup bag on top of the dresser

Came up to you in the kitchen holding it like 🥺👉👈

"Can you make me pretty like you?"

"you're already pretty Bo"

"But I want to be as pretty as you.."

"....ok sit down"

"🥰🥰"

Will nOt stop moving, he is vErY fidgety

Opens almost every product you have and smells it

Was very excited to find out liquid lipstick smelt like cupcakes

You let him choose what colors he wanted bc of how excited he seemed

Was that a mistake?....maybe but the way his face lit up looking at all the colors was worth it

"YEs!"

"so you want blue eyeshadow with lime green eyeliner and purple lipstick?"

He's just a big puppy let him be 🥺🥺

You had to redo his eyeliner like 3 times bc he kept fidgeting

Liked looking at all the different brushes you had, he also ranked them by their softness level

Picked up one of your blending brushes and booped you on the nose with it

Explaining fake lashes to him is so difficult, he looks at you like you're explaining rocket science

"you just add a bit of glue on here, and then put the lash on your eye. They just make your lashes look really long and full"

"......eye wigs"

"I- no"

He was very excited when you finished

Immediately took on the persona of a rich lady

Was using one of the tote bags you use to carry your groceries as a "purse" and grabbed the small bitchy sunglasses you own

He looked really good

"ok ok, Bo thats enough"

"Sorry what? I don't speak poor person"

Sugawara

Sunday afternoon cuddles with Suga are the best

You guys were both lounging curled up together doing your own things

He was reading a book Ennoshita recommend and you were messing around on your phone

You ended up getting bored so you put your phone down to snuggle closer to him

You just kinda watched him read for a bit, admiring his features

He let out a small sigh and put his book down

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just how pretty you are"

"Well I think you're gorgeous"

He's such a sweetheart 🥺

You guys just kinda enjoy the silence for a bit as he pressed light kisses down your jaw

"Would you let me do your makeup?"

"mmm I don't know..."

"....I'll give you kisses"

"...."

"deal 👀"

Tells you not to do anything too crazy, which is fine with you

You opt for the classic cat eye and red lip 😌

He stays still for the most part but makes you take breaks when doing the eyeliner bc it feels funky

He has a habit of humming so he hums lil songs for you while you work 🥺

Had a blAst playing with your beauty blender, it was like a lil stress ball

He looks v v good with highlighter on, he's just got really nice cheek bones

Sorry babe but fake lashes aren't happening, he will physically resist if you attempt to put them on him

He liked the lipstick tho, it felt nice

You took a picture of him before handing him a mirror new phone background

Was kinda meh about wearing makeup but complimented your skills

He loves encouraging you and praising your skills bro

"you're really good at doing makeup y/n"

"well I'd hope so, I've been doing it for a long time"

"....."

"Can I get my kisses now"

"Of course you can baby"

The kisses were worth the wait :))

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might-guys-acorn · 5 years

Note

do u have any hc's for weird facts about the konoha 11 (+sasuke)?

Yes! These babies are full of weird lil quirks. -🦎

===============================

Naruto

Will have mini existential crisis' over dumb things. "Why do we blend things if theyre just gonna get all mushed up in our stomachs anyway? Are blenders just mechanical teeth???"

Has awful impulse control. Not just in battle, but little things too. Unties every shoelace in reach. What sound will this make if I drop it? Pocket? Let me put my hand in it

Has to jump up to touch the doorframe before he can exit any room. He's that kid, and we all know it.

Sasuke

Mumbles things under his breath, esp if hes annoyed. "Shut up and pay for your groceries, Joyce, the cashier doesnt care about your dog's surgeries."

Takes forever to order when eating out. Nothing sounds good, but maybe if I reread the menu 4 more times something will?

Accidentally activates his sharigan when hes surprised. Wouldnt be a big deal, but when hes stuck in the market and dodging everyone dramatically for 20 minutes, it gets a little annoying.

Sakura

Squeals at all cute things. Could see a particularly tiny ladle for a dollhouse and break everyones eardrums from excitement

Looks off into pretend sitcom cameras when someone has said something particularly dumb to her. Sometimes even makes up a laughtrack in her head, just to recover from other's stupidity.

Uses every single dish in the kitchen when she cooks. Theres no way for her to make a meal without simultaneously making a huge mess

Ino

Stops to smell every flower she sees. Its in her genes and shes done it for as long as she can remember

Goes to stores just to put on formal dresses and look at herself. Then always goes home and cries because she'll never have anything to wear them to.

Sings in the shower. At the top of her lungs. Or has imaginary conversations with people, and gets internally annoyed when they dont stick to her script in real life.

Shikamaru

Cant eat at a restaurant without being able to see the door. Will literally wait an extra 20 min for the booth closest to the exit.

Makes shadow puppets in his room when he cant sleep. Would die if anyone found out, but he gets bored, okay?

Has the same glow in the dark stars on his ceiling from when he was 5. Hes too lazy to take them down, and Choji makes fun of him for it everytime he sees them

Choji

Can't clean unless there's music on. Doing laundry is impossible unless he's dancing along to whatever is on the radio

Takes 30 seconds to pick out an outfit but will stand with the fridge open for hours trying to figure out the best snack

Hates wearing socks by themselves. Theyre all the restriction of shoes with none of the protection. Either put shoes on, or dont, but dont get halfway there and give up.

Kiba

Doesnt know how to feel about foxes. He loves dogs, but hates cats and a fox is almost both??? So what do I do with this information? It literally keeps him up at night.

Trips people for fun. Wont actually try to make you fall, but cant help but stick his foot out if you walk past him

Uses Akamaru as a wingman. Nothing gets ladies more than a cute guy with a cute dog, so he might as well use that to his advantage

Hinata

Says "Ow" everytime she hears a loud noise. Wont even be hurt, just cant stop herself.

Goes through times where she has to completely rearrange her room. Feels like shes turned her life around by the time shes done, swears nothing will be messy again, and gives up on cleaning after 2 weeks.

Loves astrology, and has mini conversations about it in her head. "Sasuke has been super weird lately" "Well mercury is retrograde, sooo"

Shino

Owns 30 pairs of sunglasses but only wears 1. The others just sit in his dresser collecting dust because he convinced himself he'd start wearing them but never will

Yells at his bugs like theyre children. "Pincer if you dont stop throwing a temper tantrum right now, Ill got home"

Will never take the last of anything, but wont get rid of the container until its empty. Always has a mostly empty milk carton sitting in his fridge next to a full one, because theres still milk in there!!! I cant waste it!!!!

Lee

Literally hates sleeping. Its such a waste of perfectly good time. Just because its dark does not mean I cannot enjoy my youth!!

Discovers and drops hobbies in the blink of an eye. Has so many unfinished projects lying around, from half-finished novels to a sweater he tried knitting but gave up after one sleeve

Unironically gives people finger guns all the time. He tells a semi-decent joke? Finger guns. Sees someone training? Finger guns. Confesses his love? You guessed it. Finger. Guns.

Tenten

Puts a gold star on her bedroom mirror when she does a good job on a mission. Its like a visual reminder that shes important to her team.

Has to run her fingers along every fence she walks by. Its a subconscious thing she does, and she doesnt even know why.

Sleeps with a knife under her pillow. Not for protection, but just because shes emotionally attached to it. Its her pillow knife, and she loves it.

Neji

Pretends like he knows everything. Even if he doesn't. "Did you hear about what they said in the news?" "Of course I did." *runs away to check the paper*

Falls asleep in strange positions. Once he woke up with his legs straight up against the wall and couldn't walk for 10 minutes from the lack of bloodflow

Secretly loves gossip. Will eavesdrop on strangers conversations just for the tea *cue 'oh my god, they were roommates' vine*

207 notes · View notes

italianfish · 4 years

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Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- Michael Jackson part 1, before he came around

- That’s a sexy gauge

- We have cones in our eyes??? *Turns to friend* Show me your eyes.

- What’s ROYGBIV? Is that a person?

- I put the jewish inside of him

- The air in my house is polluted with sleeping pills

- One day someone will react to my gay jokes

- One day someone brought a tub of ice cream out of their backpack in the middle of class

- Hey Francis (Talking to a blow up alien)

- Why do you like assholes

- Aladdin doesn’t have nipples

- Support your own god damn neck!

- I saw my friend in the bathroom and he gave me orange juice

- FORM THE EQUATOR!!!

- Yes, indeed my good sir

- Sharing your wealth is the way to become poor

- I’m sorry I don’t have calcium in my body

- Why the pancreas?!

- I watched this show and these characters exploded and it was my favorite show

- Someone is going to lose a pancreas

- A: Don’t lose your pancreas B: I’ll try to hold onto it

- She knew how to multiply! And I was like “You’re only three!”

- Come on Moser, hitting the nut won’t do anything

- I work with a prostitute

- I love crunchy pancakes

- You are a big neon doof

- Look I can spit, I’m cool now

- ‘Ay! Trout!

- In her free time she did her taxes

- Hey! You like Raisin Bran?

- If you get a rooster you’ll be hungry, unless you eat him

- It smells like Hawaii

- If A claims he’s a god and Jesus says he’s the son of god... Does that mean Jesus is A’s son?

- We managed to convince our sub that this was a film and lit class so we watched infinity war all period

- A- So let’s keep the duck B- It’s a vulture...

- Did you just call me fuzzy?

- I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on

- He looks like a punk rock jazz drummer

- A- British! British! B- I HAVE A NAME!

- Stop putting your dog in the oven!

- Did you expect it to be that good of a cactus?

- I relate to Squidward so much

- He was like the dad that left to get cigarettes and never came back

- We’re literally following Marty Mcfly

- My elbows are funky fresh

- A- You shank em’ B- No! That is the exact opposite of a solution!

- Unicorns caused global warming

- A- No balls in class! B- But we’re in health

- The crazy chellos are back

- See! I do have friends!

- It’s a train, a train of love

- A- Why do they keep getting rid of the babies? B- I don’t know, abortion

- You have to earn the bucket hat

- My friend brought in 7 bucket hats

- Hide the forks!

- The turtles tried to cross the road once

- I’m scared of turtles

- So does everyone just carry a sword around in their back pocket?

- When you’re fishing, anyone in a bucket hat has authority

- She has cheese on her hook!

- Are your knee pits moist?

- Why are you molesting me with water

- I was born vaccinated

- I was born to be a little spoon

- Why do I look like a hispanic man

- Can I tickle your knee pits?

- You’re going to get eaten by the ocean

- A- You’re a hot mess B- Hey! At least I’m hot!

- They’ve developed a handshake! Isn’t this a problem?!

- We’re in the OG thirteen colonies

- A- I’m not used to seeing those big grassy structures B- You mean trees?!

- My name is bagged milk

- You only drink bagged milk once, in Canada

- It’s not expensive, you’re just poor

- I forgot I’m a lady

- That’s you after I poop

- I want to be Brazilian

- I figured out what the voice was! They’re playing Bingo

- A- Do “coo coo” B- CAW

- It’s probably in a nice aisle, aisle 9

- So inside the bag there are 3 more bags full of milk

- Mom we got the bagged milk

- He told me I looked like Nicholas Cage

- Her bio says inhale the kale

- I feel like an easy bake oven

- The bags just like, left

- But what about the unicorns

- Look at that potato! That looks free!

- Everyone! Find a piece of metal and lick it

- I’m the toilet man

- Go fetch me grapes

- All girls want to molest this

- He ate a whole pancake out of an Applebee’s dumpster

- Why did he eat turf

- I’m on a mission to find dairy products

- I was going to go to school and pretend to be a witch

- Remember when you put the lotion in my mouth and I drank it?

- We’re playing quarter baseball

- Pretend you’re sleeping

- The ultimate frisbee association

- My mom picked me up from school so I could go to ultimate frisbee practice

- They got a $2000 grant for a barely existing ultimate frisbee team

- She’s ultra mom

- The dodgeball guy called my friend a walrus

- We did a dramatic reading of an adult novel

- He was buying materials to make a whip

- Grate her down like a piece of cheese

- We sat in a circle and named our most Jewish quality

- 4 is the cosmic number

- I hate being a fertile woman

- Excuse me I’m Jewish

- Surprise disco duet

- I shook like 7 tents

- She’s the strings teacher, we keep her in the basement

- Whenever we finished a test and we said “I’m done” he would say “I’m done! You’re finished!” his last name was Done

- I thought the fire hydrant was a turkey

- I asked him if his password was like an anniversary or something and he said “It’s the date of my grandparents death”

- He gives us weekly quantum physics lectures

- Bruh! That looks like a lunchbox!

- No offense but this guy would make out with a floorboard

- You seem like the kind of person to kiss a floorboard

- You sound exactly like my pediatrician

- Lots of poop, no sock

- She’s not doing her work, she’s looking at Peppa pig

- Yo neighbor, I need some sugar

- White moms are really easy to scare

- Even though it’s part of Asia, ITS NOT

- Why was there a hanging waffle?!

- I got complimented on my croissant

- You can sell your liver

- Bernie Sanders reminds me of a muppet

- WHY IS THERE A HELICOPTER IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

- What are you going to do? Hunt squirrels?

- *A bunch of AP students shouting “Linguini”*

- I got bitten by an iguana in Aruba

- We got an actor to join the hammock group chat

- Say goodbye to your ovaries

- I’m half a butt cheek away from death

- Are you one of those people who puts ice cream and pop tarts in a blender

- Yo! You got any shoes I can eat???

- That’s how you segregate your trail mix???

- He has a six pack of ribs

- I’m so done with books about African children

- Do homies kiss

- I’m here for the num nums

- Don’t touch my pizza you savage!!!

- HURRY UP AND MEDITATE

- What are you for Halloween? Jewish?

- Do ducks have tails

- He was the one that broke the constitution

- Oh god now there’s Hitler on my paper

- God given right of ruling... Manifest destiny in China

- Do you shampoo your eyebrows

- This isn’t Bayblade!

- Bob Ross wasn’t an artist, he was an art therapist

- If anyone on the team is a jellyfish, it’s definitely Brandon

- It’s your fault that I’m not going to college!

- I’m having spinach for dinner! I’m so excited!

- I locked him in his toolbox

- Let’s rent a midget for a day and we can throw him against a wall

- I know how to utilize money, but do I know how to utilize it well, that’s another question

- Man, that place needs a Chick-fil-a, and I’m going to make it

- We should have the purge in school one day

- If you’re weird enough, people won’t want to rape you

- Flex seal it with tape

- Oh yeah, I got vinegar all over my sweatshirt

- Don’t say “Have a good day”, because I’m not having a good day

- Well maybe someday you’ll have cancer

- What’s up guys, I’m from Richie’s pizza, and today I’ll be showing you my body count

- An obo sounds like a clarinet with Down syndrome

- I DONT HAVE ANY MARINARA SAUSCE ON ME RIGHT NOW

- WE WILL SMUGGLE OUR KIDS TO AMERICA

- I’m the jolly black giant

- You pissed off a priest

- If we get a lot of money, I can take her boyfriend to prom

- Ted Bundy would share a lot of ideas with you

- They’re doing a milk experiment... But with marinara

- A- That’s not a color! B- But it’s on a crayon!

- Hey what’s up cheese goblin

- I’m letting my toes breathe

- I’m just saying, tinfoil doesn’t taste that bad

- YOURE EATING IT YOU UNGRATEFUL SWINE

- When I was away were you in my house? Because it’s happened before

- How do you say I have scoliosis in Italian?

- I’m gonna give give birth to a duck, right here, right now

- Are you comparing a 3D printed violin to genocide

- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE

- Brother from another mother, TELL ME ABOUT THAT

- I’m a vulture, just vulturing

- I’m going on a field trip to the sewage treatment plant on my birthday

- You’re making my vagina angry

- Competitive Just Dance team

- Oh no there’s spaghetti falling out of my pockets!

- (Yoda impression) Take anger out on minorities I must

- I can turn off the lights and you’d still be white

#overheard #i just overheard #conversation #funny #funny conversations #haha #long post

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fluid-quartz · 5 years

Text

its almost 2 am, i make poor life choices, and i just wrote a small ficlet based on @welsfight ‘s post about how ex eats and the weird theories that stemmed from it. i thought about putting the biggest part of it under the cut cause its like ~1800 words but i dont feel like it whoops

so without further ado, i present to you:

THE HERMITS AND THE MYSTERY OF HOW EVIL X EATS

It was a nice evening out, as they all sat around the campfire. Tango was sitting almost inside of it, roasting marshmallows for everyone that wanted them, and the others were just chatting with each other, about some of their projects and plans or simply about things that had happened.

Cub was looking pensively the whole time, as though he was trying to figure something out.

“Hey guys? Strange question, maybe, but… Do you ever wonder how Evil X eats, what with that helmet that never goes off?” The conversation around him dulled, multiple Hermits just staring at him for a moment.

“That… is a very good question,” said Zedaph as he jumped to his feet. He sensed there was a great game show in this, probably. “Ladiiiieeeeees and gentlemeeeeeen! Welcome to the first episode of How Do They Eat?! This time, we’re discussing Evil Xisuma!” A few of them chuckled, shifting in their places a little to be able to properly see Zedaph, who had just completely taken on his game show host persona, including putting a little desk of brightly coloured concrete in front of him.

There was only murmur for a moment, and then Bdubs stood up, dramatically clearing his throat.

“Well, I think he eats nutrient pills that he pops through a coin slot. So he can still have a balanced diet, you know?” As he spoke, Keralis’ eyes grew even larger than they already were.

“Slot machine? Did you say… Slot machine, Bubbles???” he said, not-so-sneakily looking around to see if Evil X was around somewhere. Iskall just laughed, and Bdubs looked at Keralis with judgment in his eyes.

“No, no, you can’t play slot machines on Evil X, he puts a cork in the coin slot when he isn’t using it.”

Keralis wanted to go against it, but Zedaph was quicker and louder.

“That’s an interesting theory you got there! But… Are there others? Surely you must have wondered before how he eats. Come, don’t be afraid to speak up!”

Doc immediately raised his hand, then stood up to speak.

“Guys. It’s obviously a teleportation ray. He just points at food, and it reappears in his mouth or stomach, depending on how lazy he’s feeling. It’s the simplest scientific explanation.”

“That’s a load of bullshit, Doc. It implies that he needs to eat, and we all know he’s secretly a robot. He just hasn’t shown it yet, right, guys?” Biffa interjected before anyone else could speak. There was some muttering about it, until Zedaph once more took over.

“Biffa, I appreciate the input, I really do – yes, yours too, Doc, don’t worry – but for the sake of the game, let’s assume he eats.”

“But what if he doesn’t? What if… What if he’s immortal! Immortals don’t eat, right?” Keralis butted in enthusiastically.

“Well, then we wouldn’t be playing this game, right? So! Theories! I personally think he can just remove a panel of his helmet, and then sucks it in like a vacuum cleaner. Or like Kirby, that might be closer to reality. They are both red, after all.”

“Kirby’s pink, Zed.”

“I don’t care, Tango, I haven’t heard you name a better theory.”

All eyes in the circle were suddenly aimed at Tango, who almost dropped a batch of marshmallows into the fire.

“Uh…. I uh… Maybe his helmet is just fused to his face? So like, it opens up when his mouth opens?” He sounded a tad unsure of himself, having to think up a theory on the spot. Still better than kirbying, though. Stress immediately started bouncing up and down on the ground, her hand raised high into the sky.

“Oh, oh! What if the glass part of his helmet just opens, so he can drop the food in?”

“Or the top. It could also be the top of his helmet that opens, like a fishbowl,” interjected TFC’s gruff voice. He sounded amused, though. Very much so.

“Wouldn’t that just create a very big mess? For all we know the bottom half can just open up separately from the rest, so he can just eat more or less normally,” Wels shrugged, looking over at Zedaph once more.

“Those are all very valid theories. A bit boring, though, and plain! There’s more points to be got with creative theories!” He was smiling widely, looking around at the others. Then he pointed at Iskall. “You! Iskall! What is your super mega awesome theory of doom?”

The swede looked bewildered, and thought for a moment. Then they could almost literally see a redstone lamp going on above his head.

“An airlock! Like in spacecrafts! That’s why the bit in front of his mouth sticks out a little, it’s so that food can first get surrounded by the Right Kind of air before it gets to him!” He was beaming, thinking his theory was the most clever one out there. Until Mumbo spoke up.

“Uhm… Iskall? How would he get the food from that airlock into his mouth?”

“I don’t know, maybe he just like… tilts his head backwards and hopes for the best?” Around him, various Hermits were laughing. The mental image of spooky, scary Evil X desperately trying to make a cookie fall into his mouth and failing horribly just did that to someone.

“Oh! If we continue in that vein a little… You know how items sometimes just kind of clip through walls? What if that’s how he gets food inside of his helmet? By having it just clip through? Sometimes it would just get stuck, though, out of his reach,” Impulse mused, smiling widely.

“Gosh, that would be soooo difficult to clean, though!” Stress sighed.

“Then he can just clip through some cleaning supplies as well, don’t worry about it.” Impulse chuckled, then stuck out his tongue at the face Stress made.

From the other side of the campfire, Jevin’s voice suddenly popped up.

“You know, I bet he eats enderpearls like eggs.”

The murmuring that had been present completely died down as he looked around, completely serious. Zedaph opened and closed his mouth a few times.

“That.. That wasn’t even the question, Jevin! Do you have any theories about how he eats instead?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I do. I think he just… He either boils them, and eats them with the crunchy scale, or maybe he just sticks a straw in to slurp up the insides. Evil X seems like someone that would do that.”

“ABOUT HOW HE EATS IN GENERAL, JEVIN, NOT ABOUT HOW HE EATS ENDERPEARLS!” Zedaph sighed, then shook his head and facepalmed. “Anyone else. Literally anyone. Please.”

Python mumbled something in response, too quiet for even the people around him to hear properly.

“Could you repeat that a bit louder, please?” Zedaph asked, and Python looked him straight in the eyes.

“… maybe he vores?”

“No. Nope. Cursed theory right there, ladies and gents. Python, please go sit with Jevin to think about your sins, and maybe you won’t go in the dunk tank.” He pointed over to were the grinning slime man was sitting, and Python stood up with a shrug, faking disappointment and fear for the dunk tank. Then Mumbo raised his hand.

“Okay, so, what if his helmet functions the same as Darth Vader’s mask? What if there’s just some kind of mechanical cheese grater that he can just put food through, so it can go through his helmet and into his mouth without too much trouble?” A bit of muttering sounded here and there, once again with sounds from Stress about how horrible that would be to get clean.

“What if… What if he just like… Photosynthesizes, man… like a flower, getting nutrients from the sunlight and from putting his feet in the dirt… how nice would that be, man...” Ren said, his drawl slow and relaxed.

“Ren, I think you had too many of those mushrooms, your Renbob is showing. Though, I think it’s quite obvious. He just uses a feeding tube to get his food in, or perhaps a straw and blendered food. It could simply go through a small hole in the helmet.” Scar then popped a few unroasted marshmallows into his mouth before continuing. “That way, there’s no mess at all.”

The theory earned him some nods, and then Cleo stood up. Slowly, to get the attention of everyone around.

“While all of you have great ideas, I think it’s obvious how it works. Evil X just eats like Sandy the Squirrel, from Spongebob.”

“And how would that be, Cleo?” Impulse asked.

“Well, he just… puts food into his mouth through the bottom of his helmet, where it connects to his armor. Of course, that means he has to open up his armor a little bit, but that’s done easily enough. I bet he has a zipper too.” She smiled widely, with a look in her eyes that said that she knew full well that there was no way that her theory was correct. It made Joe sigh dramatically.

“What is wrong with all of y’all?! He would just take off his helmet and eat like a normal person!” False raised her hand.

“I gotta stop you there, Joe. We both know that he can’t breathe Overworld air unaided, like X can’t either. So, let me propose the following: He takes a whiff of his inhaler so he got air for a little bit, then he takes off the helmet and he just starts shoveling in as much food as he can before putting his helmet back on. And then he repeats that until he’s done eating.”

“I can live with that,” Joe said, and then he looked over at Zedaph. “That seems like a good and valid theory, right?”

“It certainly does, Joe! But… Since we’re nearing the end of the episode, why don’t we ask X for some clarity? If anyone knows, it would be him. Let’s see how close we got, everyone!” He then proceeded to pull Xisuma to his feed, and pushed him to be behind the host desk. It made the admin chuckle, but he took on the role that was apparently expected of him.

“It’s quite simple, actually,” Xisuma started, “Just like me, he can use a breathing tube so he can just take off-”

He then got interrupted by Grian yelling “STOMACH MOUTH! STOMACH MOUTH!” repeatedly at the top of his lungs, because he couldn’t quite believe how easy and boring the solution was. Xisuma looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, and then he just shook his head as the Hermits around started laughing. He loved those idiots.

#hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanfic #how does evil x eat #basically all hermits are in here #i aint tagging all of them #all theories are based on ones yall actually sent to cent #fluff #the hermits share a braincell #long post

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mysplaced-pen · 7 years

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Ohohoho it's this trash coming in your asks ( that didn't sound right ) How about- RFA+Saeran&V (after eye surgery ) react to MCs sister, who was staying at they're house, goes to use a blender, doesn't lock the top down, what ever was in the blender flies out and there's a mess everywhere and they hear MC freaking out at the scene of all of this and they go to see what was going on?

ayeee I finally got to this! It’s a hilarious request and I think it’s what made me message you in the first place lmao but I hope you like it, ems! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ (ah yes, the ams and ems duo(¬‿¬))💛

…thinking of 8 things to put in a blender is hard

zen

it was hot outside and literally no one in the house wanted to go out

mc’s sister was also in town and decided to visit (she met zen before its chill)

the three of them were supposed to go out that day, but it was..too hot

so mc and their sister decided to make smoothies instead

zen got a phonecall halfway through, however, and excused himself before walking into another room

“ready for some smoothies, my dear sibling?” mc’s sister says with a grin

“ready, dear sister” mc answers

she turns on the blender, ready for the ice, berries, and liquid to mix together

instead, the top flies off and so does everything else in the blender

mc’s sister is covered with cold berry juice, too shocked to scream, but tenses up

mc starts yelling going for the blender to turn it off before grabbing a towel

zen runs back in, thinking something dangerous happened, but instead sees mc wiping their sister’s eyes so she can see again

and he can’t help but laugh

his kitchen is a mess, yes, but seeing this was totally worth it

now mc’s sister can talk again and starts yelling, “wHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?”

“YOU’RE BLUE HAHA”

mc’s sister turns to mc, giving them a ‘look i am going to punch your boyfriend’ look

mc just shrugs, “at least…you’re not that hot anymore…?”

zen laughs harder. mc’s sister slaps both of them in the arm

yoosung

movie night!

yoosung is setting up the living room with pillows and blankets while mc and their sister gets snacks in the living room

mc was on popcorn duty and mc’s sister was in charge of chips and dip

but she wanted to make homemade dip, so they had to take out the blender

“how are the snacks coming?” yoosung calls out

“popcorn, done! mc says. “dip is about to be blended!” their sister says

the blender is turned on

disaster strikes

“AH DIDN’T- LID-” mc’s sister yells while getting splashed with the contents of the blender

mc gets hit, too. so does the popcorn. it’s a travesty.

“tURN OFF THE BLENDER” mc yells

but she can’t. she’s being attacked

yoosung runs in like the hero he is and manages to turn it off, despite getting messy as well

they all stare at each other, horrified

“..I think we need to take a shower first…” mc says. the other two agree

it turns into cleaning night instead of movie night

jaehee

did someone say ‘iced coffee’?

mc’s sister said ice coffee!

and they want mc to show off their skills they learned from the cafe so they could make it at home as well

so here we go

ice, coffee, flavorings, syrup

aaaand blend!

NO NOT LIKE THAT

mc gets covered in the stuff, mc’s sister - who was idly observing from behind - gets half covered

she’s the one who yells, but mc turns off the blender

jaehee runs in and looks at them, shocked

“why…?”

“…iced coffee…” mc weakly says

she actually walks up to the both of them and kisses mc’s cheek

wh y

“hmm…at least it tastes good” jaehee says with a smile

mc could probably die on the spot

now mc’s sister is yelling

jumin

mc was playing around in the kitchen with their sister, going through recipes they found online

jumin offered just to let the chefs prepare something, but mc’s sister insisted

and since jumin can’t cook that much, he stays out of their way

they were baking a cake that had this filling in between the layers

and they needed the blender to make the filling, crushing things and all that

“ready, mc?” their sister says, grinning. “yeah, the cakes are in the oven already”

“alright, blender time!” she turns on the blender

and both of them are now covered in sugary dust

mc’s sister yelps out of shock

mc yells out, “yOU DIDN’T-;;;”

jumin runs in, very concerned

he sees them covered in this sugar dust.

can’t help but laugh, just a little

“should i call the chefs now?” he asks. the two of them nod

“…and a change of clothes” mc’s sister says

707 / luciel / saeyoung

they were going to make milkshakes!

all three different kind of flavors for the three of them

so far they made a vanilla one for mc, a chocolate one for saeyoung, and were going to make a strawberry one for mc’s sister

saeyoung was out of the kitchen, knowing they could handle it

mc stayed in the kitchen for moral support

“i can’t believe you passed up strawberry for vanilla. even your dork boyfriend got chocolate” mc’s sister said

“i hope your milkshake goes up your nose” mc responded

“ha ha” she rolls her eyes and turns the blender on

….it went up her nose alright

mc’s sister yells and mc literally bursts out laughing

until they realize that the kitchen is a mess

“WHY DIDN’T YOU CLOSE IT?!”

saeyoung runs in and looks around, also kind of devastated at first

and then he looks at mc’s sister

…he’s laughing, he can’t handle it

“it actually went up your nose, oh my god-” “saeyoung-” “yeah, yeah, i’ll get a towel but this is GOLD mc”

v / jijhyun

you know those liquid soups you can make in a blender? like pea soup?

jihyun wanted to try one of those!

and so did mc’s sister, yay!

they were all in the kitchen, but v realized it was time to water his plants, so he excuses himself for a bit

“that’s it?” mc asks, looking at the blender “I feel like it’s too easy”

“oh hush, mc. all we have to do is blend it!” their sister says and goes to turn on the blender

gosh, they’re so lucky it was cold soup

mc’s sister managed to turn off the blender, but she just put her head down on the counter in shame

mc yelled, getting splattered before the blender was turned off. “oh my gosh- the kitchen!”

“wHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER-” “I LIVE HERE THOUGH, YOU’RE HUMAN”

jihyun comes running in, looking at the kitchen then at both of them

“…i have one question, for you.” he says to mc’s sister

“…yes?” she says

“are you that jealous of our kitchen?”

mc’s sister blinks “why would i-”

“you’re green with envy, I can see it”

mc starts cracking up because that was so ridiculous

mc’s sister puts her face back on the counter

saeran

mc and sister were making pasta for dinner!

it was one of those pesto pastas

so now they had to make pesto

saeran was watching them from the living room

“alright, let’s get this pesto done!” mc’s sister said

and turns on the blender

“wAIT” mc tries to warn her

its too late.

the pesto flies everywhere

mc’s sister is his directly in the nose first

mc can’t save themselves

saeran literally facepalms

the other two are too shocked to do much, so he has to stand up and turn it off for them

“i’m- so sorry-” mc’s sister says.

mc lowkey wants to lay on the floor and accept death

saeran just shakes his head and puts his hands on both of their shoulders

“..that was pretty funny”

forget what mc said about accepting death, saeran thought that was funny

they still have to clean up the kitchen though

vanderwood (i remembered u wanted him ayee)

look, vanderwood was gonna let them do their thing, they were going to calmly sit and read this book

mc’s sister was making some kind of fancy recipe and it involved putting things in a blender

listen….i still dont have a blender and food network only tells me so much

and mc was helping! they poured it into the blender for her

“alright mc. i know this is weird, but we put it in a blender to smooth it out. and then it’ll be done!”

*turn on blender*

*sees life flash before both of their eyes*

they are both covered in this supposedly fancy liquid

and they both just..stand there for a second

until mc yells, “w HY”

“I DIDNT MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN AHHHHHHHHH IM SORRY” she yells back

vanderwood just sighs and gets up to check the damage

the floor and counter is a mess

it got on some of the cabinets

both mc and sister are preparing for the worst

“aw, i don’t get that fancy dinner?” vanderwood said, pouting

they’re both kind of surprised

“we’d…have to restart..” mc’s sister says

“oh no, you two need to clean up this kitchen. i’m ordering us a pizza”

“vanderwood-” mc tries

“and im not helping!”

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger hc #mysme headcanon #zen mysme #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #707 #saeyoung choi #jihyun kim #saeran choi #Vanderwood #mysme trashcan #a request!#THIS TOOK SO LOOOOONG #I D I D IT

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