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cutecurly-hair · 3 months

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Hearts Unleashed (Part 5)

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Black!fem!reader

Warning: Fluff, Smut, Body Shaming

Words: 5,738

The weekend flew by, and before I knew it, Monday had arrived with its usual speed. I found myself back in the same classroom, at the same place and time, but something felt a little different. Nick and I had been texting non-stop over the weekend. It was just casual conversation, nothing special, but for some reason, it made me inexplicably happy.

I noticed a bunch of curly black hair in front of me. Charlie and I hadn't talked since that day. I sent him a bunch of texts, but he didn't reply. I checked with Ellie and Tao, and they hadn't heard from him either. It wasn't just me he was avoiding; it seemed like he was avoiding everyone.

Interrupting my thoughts, Nick said, "This is Nellie," showing me a picture of his dog, and she was the cutest thing in the world.

"Oh, my god, she's so cute! I've always wanted to have a pet, but ever since our cat died when I was little, we just never got a new one," I said, a tinge of sadness in my voice.

Nick's brows furrowed in concern, a cute little habit that I couldn't help but notice when he was puzzled or concerned about something. "You know, maybe you should come round to my house and meet her. Plus, my mom has been bugging me to invite you over" he suggested. I couldn't contain the smile that spread across my face, I don't know if it was because of Nick's mom has been asking about me or Nick inviting me to his house.

"Are you free on Saturday?" he asked hopefully, his brown eyes searching mine.

"Yeah, I think so," I replied, feeling a flutter in my stomach.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

"Charlie! Charlie! Wait up!" I yelled across the bustling school hallway, dodging through students those rugby drills are finally proving some use.

Finally catching up to him, I took a moment to catch my breath. "What happened with you? I've been calling and texting you. I was even this close to coming to your house to make sure you were alive," I said, demonstrating the minuscule gap between my thumb and forefinger to prove my point.

Charlie turned to me, his face a mix of surprise and sheepishness. "Sorry, I've been dealing with some stuff, and I needed a bit of space. Didn't mean to worry you."

I crossed my arms, trying to hide my concern behind a facade of annoyance. "A simple 'I need space' text would have sufficed, you know."

He scratched his head, a nervous grin appearing on his face. "Yeah, I know. I'll keep you in the loop next time. Promise."

As we walked, the tension melted away, and our usual banter resumed. Charlie might not be telling me everything, but our friendship stayed solid, thankfully.

"Ugh, I've got a ton to catch you up on," I exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug. His laughter filled the air. "Do I detect some juicy gossip?" he teased, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. Even though I haven't talked with him for a couple of days, I still couldn't help but miss him. I had every right to be mad, but I knew deep down Charlie was keeping something from me, but it was within his right to tell me when he is ready.

"Oh, you have no idea," I replied, joining in the laughter.

"You look fine, sweetheart," my mother remarked as she emerged from the archway. She must have noticed my tenth attempt at fixing my hair and the frustrated sigh that accompanied it. Admittedly, I may or may not have put on a little makeup. Sensing my mom's curious gaze, I decided to address it before she could.

"I'm going to a friend's house. I'll be back around 5," I informed her, trying to keep it casual.

"Are you heading over to Charlie's?"

I hesitated for a moment, then replied, "Um, no, his name is Nick," hoping my response would slip past without her catching the name. My mother, sensing something, walked over to me and handed me my coat and gloves, well aware of my tendency to get cold easily. I was honestly not made for cold weather.

"Is this a boy from school? You know how I feel about you going to somebody's house," she probed, hinting at her concerns. I knew I had to choose my words carefully to navigate this conversation if I wanted to be allowed to leave the house.

"He's my classmate in English. I want him to look over my paper that's due next week," I lied, maintaining a calm tone and hoping she wouldn't see through the deception.

"You've never needed help with your papers before. You're really good at writing," she remarked, clearly skeptical of my story.

"This paper is 50% of my grade. I have to do well on it," I asserted, emphasizing the importance of the assignment and knowing that grades were a language my mother understood well. Having dealt with her expectations back home, I knew I had to convince her to let me go.

She looked pleasantly surprised. "Yes, you're right. Grades are important. I'm surprised I didn't have to remind you," she smiled, genuinely pleased to see me showing concern for my academic performance. Seizing the moment, I quickly put on my coat and gloves, ready to head out the door.

"Come back in time for dinner!" she yelled as I walked away. I gave a quick nod to show I heard and hurried off before she could ask more questions.

My hands were practically freezing, despite the gloves doing a lousy job of keeping the cold out. I stubbornly kept them on, pulled my coat tighter, and power-walked down the street. The bone-chilling London winter seemed to pierce right through me, making me pick up the pace even more.

I stood there for a moment, torn between knocking and ringing the doorbell. My indecisiveness was playing its usual tricks on me. But before I could finally decide, the door swung open. There was Nick, giving me a gentle smile.

"Hey," he greeted. It was kinda unexpected to see him so chill and casual, a side of him I hadn't really seen beyond the school environment.

"Hey," I smiled back, deciding to ditch my gloves that weren't doing much to fight off the cold anyway.

Nick made a gesture towards a delightful chocolate and white mix Border Collie. "Uh... this is Nellie."

"Hey, Nellie. You're so adorable," Reaching down to pet the dog behind its ears. The warmth of Nellie's fur against my hand brought an unexpected comfort, making the chilly weather outside seem momentarily forgotten.

"Did you do something with your hair?" he asked, his eyes locked onto my puff ponytail that had consumed a good chunk of my morning. Lately, I'd been experimenting with new hairstyles, breaking away from my usual braids.

I immediately reached up to touch my hair, a hint of worry crossing my face. "Wait, is it bad?"

He shook his head without hesitation, offering a reassuring grin. "No, you look… it looks great." His compliment made me feel like the effort I put into styling my hair that morning was totally worth it.

"Okay, you better come in before Nellie thinks we're going for a walk," he said, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment longer than necessary.

"Okay"

Walking into his house, I couldn't help but notice how incredibly homey it was. The place just radiated coziness, making it clear that it wasn't just a house; it was a warm and welcoming home. Definitely nothing compared to mine, my house was just cold and empty still filled with boxes. I noticed a few portraits on the wall, nowhere really of his dad. Which I have nothing to brag since my parents have been divorce.

He led me upstairs to his bedroom, which I couldn't help but feel uneasy, like it was way to personal...like I shouldn't be here. But as soon as I saw his room it was very clean...? Definitely not what I was expecting.

Nick saw the look on my face "What? What's wrong?" he asked looking around confused. I couldn't help but chuckle, breaking a smile "It's so clean in here...it's weird," But overall, it suits him with the rugby poster littered all over the walls with a cute little light hanging over his bed. There it was again, that small hint of vanilla, smoke and a mix of musk but the musk was a lot stronger.

Dramatically, he placed his hand over his chest, gasping, "Are you seriously thinking that I am weird because I know how to clean,"

"I just never expected something like this," I said, gesturing to the room. Walking around, I noticed a few books on the shelf. "Especially for a rugby player. I mean, aren't you guys supposed to be dirty, by default?" I picked a book off the shelf, the title reading "Le Petit Prince (French Edition)."

A French Novel?

Sensing my curiosity, Nick blushed, swiftly taking the book from my hand and putting it back on the shelf. "My dad gifted it to me, but I barely read it," he admitted, a touch of embarrassment in his expression.

Sensenig that his dad was a sour subject I decided to drop it. Still observing his room, noticing the little trinkets of action figure and posters, until my eyes landing on the little snacks on the TV stand plus Mario Kart next to the Nintendo, excitement bubbled up within me as I took in the familiar sight.

"You have Mario Kart!" I exclaimed, my eyes lighting up at the sight of the game. Memories of playing it flooded back.

Nick's eyes beamed. "You like Mario Kart? Do you know how to play?" he asked, a playful smile on his face.

I nodded. "Me and my Dad used to play all the time when I was little. I still do, just never really picked it back up," I said, shrugging.

"Do you want to play?" he asked, holding the Nintendo playfully.

I smiled. "You don't even have to ask."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

"Come on, Come on I'm in the lead! Can you just let me win" Nick yelled, he was particularly begging at the point.

"It doesn't matter cause you're not going to win," I smirked. He's literally the King of Rugby and practically wins at everything. This is one thing I'm really good at, so I am definitely not going to let him win.

"Can you let me win one time? You've won five or six games."

"I am literary going easy one you,"

"No!" he groaned at the screen when he saw my Princess Peach cross the finish line. I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction.

"You need more practice, Nick. Maybe I can give you some tips," I teased, reveling in the playful banter. It was one area where I knew I could outshine the rugby star.

He pouted, "I don't need tips. I just need a fair chance." The adorable pout he sported was enough to make anyone's heart melt.

"I think this is just Karma kicking you in the ass; you can't be good at everything," I said sarcastically, while grabbing a little popcorn.

He nodded in agreement, "No, you're exactly right. You're just good at everything," he admitted.

"No, I'm not," I chuckled. But there was something in the way he looked at me, and it's been happening a lot lately. I can't quite figure out why he has this knack for making me feel this way. It's as if a single glance from him is all it takes to turn me into a bundle of nerves.

"You are. You're a proper little nerd. And you don't even know it."

"I am not!" I protested, playfully nudging him.

"Let's see. You're good at video games. Literally all school subjects, but especially math's. Amazing at photography. Befriending dogs, and you are good a sports manager. Like I have never seen our gear so clean before-"

"Shut up!" I interrupted in a playful groan, feeling warm flush spread across my cheeks. Covering his mouth, while pushing him onto the bed. It seems this was the only way of shutting him up.

"You know it's true," he mumbled from beneath my hand, a blush coloring his cheeks. "Get off me. Seriously, get off," he added with a laugh, the room filled with our shared laughter.

The laughter quickly faded, leaving a lingering warmth between us. I don’t understand this feeling, I have never felt this way before. Our eyes were saying one thing, but our bodies were saying another. In that stillness, I became aware of the soft sound of snow falling outside.

"Oh, my god" I was star-stuck looking out the window.

His eyes followed mine, and as he turned to the window, a quiet gasp escaped his lips.

"It's snowing."

We just look at each other we didn't have to say anything, we jumped up from the bed, rushing down the stairs putting our coats on. The air was charged with anticipation, I was on the brink of witnessing snow for the very first time in my fifteen years. Nick handing me a hoodie in the process.

I shook my head refusing the offer, but he only shoved it back in my face,

"You were freezing when I first saw you this morning," he chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eyes. But he wasn't taking no for an answer.

I couldn't help but laugh, realizing he had a point. Gratefully accepting the hoodie, I slipped it on, feeling the warmth envelop me trying to ignore his overwhelming scent.

"It's a bit big," you said, glancing at the blue fabric draping down to my knees.

"It looks good on you," he said breathlessly, he was looking directly at me. Two compliments in one day, that was definitely something.

It was absolutely beautiful outside, the cold didn't bother me as much as before, it may or may not have something to do with the hoodie I was wearing.

Nick wasted no time sticking his tongue out to catch the tiny snowflakes. His cheeks had a rosy flush, and there was something about the way the light hit his hair, making it look a bit browner. He looked marvelous.

Caught staring, I locked eyes with him, and there was a fleeting smile on his face. Before I could fully process it, he playfully threw a whole snowball at me, leaving me in disbelief. I hurriedly made a makeshift snowball. It instantly became a snowball fight.

For a moment, just a moment everything seemed perfect, the way he laughed when Nellie was eating the snow. To when he brushed the snow off my hair. The way he took pictures of me when I made snow angles. When he laid beside me all I did was listen to him talk any and everything.

It was just perfect.

I couldn't shake the knot in my stomach, and suddenly, those stolen glances and shared moments held a new weight. When he looks at me, it's like he's seeing something beyond the surface. There's this intensity in his gaze, and I can't help but admire the way he looks at me. The way his eyes light up when he smiles, the little expressions that make him uniquely him. The realization hit me -

I have a crush on Nick Nelson

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Ellie snapped her fingers in front of my face, trying to grab my attention. My eyes, however, were glued to the three little bubbles dancing across my screen, eagerly awaiting Nick's response.

Ellie couldn't resist taking a peek at my screen, and a knowing smirk crept onto her face as she shook her head. "Oh, I see what's got you all distracted now."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm listening," I mumbled, tearing my eyes away from the screen to meet Ellie's amused gaze.

She chuckled, leaning back in her chair. "Nick, huh? The mystery guy who's got you glued to your phone?"

Blushing, I tried to downplay it. "We're just chatting, you know, about random stuff."

"Random stuff, right," Ellie teased, wiggling her eyebrows. "I've seen that look before. You've got the 'crush glow' all over your face."

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged. "Oh, come on. It's not like that. We're just friends."

Eyebrow raised; Ellie smirked. "Friends who text 24/7, interesting definition of friendship."

I sighed, realizing she saw through my attempt at nonchalance. "Okay, fine. Maybe there's a tiny crush. But seriously, don't make it a big deal."

Glancing out the window, I spotted Nick chatting with a pretty girl that I always seen around school. They were standing so close, and her laughter reached my ears even through the closed window. My heart sank as I watched them share a moment. She was effortlessly charming and ever so pretty, and the way Nick's eyes lit up in response made my stomach churn. It felt like they were in their own bubble, leaving me on the outside looking in.

Ellie looked at me and she frowned and nudged me gently. "Y/N, what's going on? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

I forced a weak smile, attempting to mask the turmoil inside. "Oh, nothing. Just caught up in my thoughts, you know?"

But Ellie wasn't buying it. She followed my gaze, her eyes narrowing as she took in the scene outside. "Oh...that's Imogen. That's one of Nick's close friends,"

"Oh, really?" I tried to sound casual, but I could feel a knot forming in my stomach. "Just a friend, huh?"

Ellie shot me a knowing look, her eyebrows raised. "Y/N, are you getting jealous?"

"What? No!" I protested a bit too quickly, my cheeks heating up. "I mean, why would I be jealous? We're just friends, like I said."

Ellie chuckled, clearly amused by my reaction. "Sure, just friends. a friend who you have a crush on."

I rolled my eyes, attempting to change the subject. "Let's focus on something else. What were you saying before about our plans for the weekend?"

Ellie raised an eyebrow, clearly not letting me off the hook that easily. "Smooth transition, but we'll get back to this later. Anyway, I was thinking we could do a little movie night at Tao's. We can bring some snacks, binge-watch our favorite films, and just unwind."

"Yeah, that sounds great," I replied, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling. "Movies and snacks sound like the perfect distraction."

As we continued discussing our weekend plans, my mind kept drifting back to Nick and Imogen. I couldn't help but wonder if there was something more between them. Were they just friends, or was there a deeper connection? The uncertainty gnawed at me, and I found myself absentmindedly scrolling through our previous texts.

The guys were practicing for an upcoming match, and I was just here cleaning the Rugby they have already gotten so dirty after a couple of throws. Occasionally, Nick would glance over in my direction, offering a reassuring smile or a quick wave.

"I can't believe they have cleaning rugby balls. Doing the dirty work while we get all the glory?" Charlie teased, nudging me with his elbow.

I chuckled, playfully swatting at him. "Someone's got to keep these in top-notch condition. Can't have you all playing with muddy balls, can we?"

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Speaking of action, I noticed I haven't been seeing you lately. Any particular reason?"

I hesitated for a moment, debating how much to reveal. Finally, I decided to open up to Charlie, knowing he'd always knows what to do. "Well, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You know, get some 'guy advice.'"

"I think I am the worse person to give 'guy advice'. especially now" Charlie looked down the ground.

Noticing the sadness in his eyes, I joked around with him "Oh come on, Charlie, don't be so hard on yourself. You're my go-to guy for advice, whether you like it or not."

He managed a small grin, "Alright, shoot. What do you need from my services this time?"

I sighed, glancing back at Nick on the field, his focused demeanor contrasting with the playful banter of the other players. "It's just... things have been different lately. We've been hanging out more, texting, you know, normal friend stuff. But I can't help but feel there's something more."

Charlie looked worried as soon as I brought up Nick's name, "Of course this is about Nick Nelson,"

I nodded, "Yeah, it is. I mean, we're friends, but there are these moments, these looks, and it makes me wonder if there's something more. And then today- I don't know... it just hit me differently."

Charlie glanced around to ensure no one was eavesdropping before he spoke. "Look, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but there's something I think you should know."

My heart sank a little, and I furrowed my brows in concern. "What is it, Charlie? You're making me nervous."

He took a deep breath before continuing "Okay so Tao told me to tell you that-

"Wait why couldn't Tao just tell me himself?"

Charlie looked a little uneasy "Because Tao is Tao"

Great he still doesn't like me.

I shook my head, urging Charlie to continue. "Tell me what Tao said."

He took a deep breath before continuing, "Tao found out from a friend who is also friends with Nick, and he said that Nick is single. But he is super interested in this girl that was originally from the all-girls school."

I swallowed the lead in my throat "What girl,"

Charlie sighed looking out onto the field "Her name's Tara Jones,"

My heart sank as Charlie dropped the bomb about Nick's interest in Tara Jones. Her name replayed in my mind like an annoying song on repeat. I couldn't shake off the blame creeping in why did I let myself get attached? Was I just too naive, thinking there could be more between us?

Nick's wave from the field added salt to the wound. I managed a feeble smile and a wave back, but inside, it felt like a whirlwind of emotions. Watching him, I questioned every shared laugh and conversation we had. Were they all just leading up to this moment where he'd be drawn to someone else?

The game raged on in the background, but my world stood still in that painful moment of realization. The cheers from the crowd turned into distant echoes, drowned out by the pounding of my heart, echoing the rhythm of disappointment.

How can I be so stupid.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

She was so beautiful, and I could see why Nick might be into her. Browsing through her social media, her confidence and elegance just stood out. It's something I feel like I lack. Her dark skin had this warm, rich tone that glowed in every photo. The more I looked, the more I found myself comparing. It made me question if I could ever match up to someone like her in Nick's eyes. The more I scrolled, the more I felt like an outsider peeking into a world that seemed so different from mine.

"See, I told you," Tao said, peering over my shoulder. Charlie shot him an annoyed look.

"Tao, come on, give it a rest. This doesn't necessarily mean anything," Charlie snapped.

"Like hell it doesn't," Tao retorted. I deeply sighed; their bickering wasn't making the situation any better. Isaac looked at me with a hint of concern.

"We don't even know if she actually likes Nick back," Isaac chimed in, attempting to offer some comfort.

Charlie scoffed, "I'm the one stuck seeing them in class every day, and trust me, it's nauseating. Believe me, he's into you," he added, shooting me a look.

Tao, fixing his gaze on Isaac, cautioned, "I've warned you about fueling romantic fantasies that just won't happen. Life isn't a romance novel, you know." ignoring Charlie reassurance.

"But I want to believe in romance." Isaac wined still looking hopeful. Our heads turned to the door when Ellie came in, Isaac immediately jumped at the chance "Ellie! So, there's this girl at school who Nick's got a crush on?"

"We've heard from multiple sources" Tao cut in, but Isaac completed ignored him "We don't know if they're a thing. Can you talk to her? Since she is in your year"

Isaac's hopeful gaze shifted to Ellie, who raised an eyebrow at his enthusiasm. "Whoa, slow down. First, spill the tea. Who's this mystery girl Nick's into?" Ellie said, playing dumb while glancing at me to check if it was Imogen we were talking about. I just quietly shook my head no

Tao chimed in, "Her name's Tara Jones. She was originally from the all-girls school."

Ellie crossed her arms, processing the information definitely wasn't expecting that. "Tara Jones? She's a sweetheart, I don't know Tara that well. I can just go up to her and ask who she fancies. And I'm, too busy being the cool, mysterious new girl, who everyone wants to hang out with."

Isaac quickly jumped back into the conversation, seizing the opportunity. "We just want to know if there's something going on between her and Nick. You know, for Y/N's peace of mind."

"I'm fine. It's honestly fine. I'm just being an idiot and overthinking things," This whole thing has been stressing me out, more than I realize. It's probably best if I cut my losses now before I get more attached.

Ellie gave me a sympathetic glance rolling her eyes while she sighed "Well, I can try to find out, but no promises, only if I get a chance I'll ask her,"

I flashed her a thankful smile, and Isaac promptly leaped into Ellie's arms. Sometimes, I forget how much of a hopeless romantic he is. Charlie joined in, gesturing for me to join them. Gratefully, I embraced the warmth of the hug. I realized I wouldn't know where I'd be without them.

Tao sat there, glaring, watching the scene.

The next school day rolled around, and I made a quick stop at the boys' locker room to check on inventory, making sure to steer clear of any awkward encounters, especially with Nick Nelson. Luckily, I managed to avoid any unexpected run-ins. However, as I strolled to my next class, it hit me that I'd be sharing a class with him soon. The knot in my stomach tightened, and a sense of unease settled in, a reminder of the events from the day before.

Waving at Charlie as I eased into my seat, a jumble of nerves hit me hard. Concentrating seemed like an impossible task, with my thoughts entirely hijacked by the looming encounter with Nick. What in the world was I even going to say to him, if I mustered the courage to say anything at all? The classroom blurred as my mind grappled with racing thoughts.

"Y/N?" he said, staring right at me with worried eyes.

Finally returning back to earth, I mumbled, "What?"

"You just spaced out," he observed.

Not knowing what to say, I managed a simple "Oh," fiddling with my blue pen, which oddly seemed to help with my nerves. Nick, sensing the habit, scooted closer to me. I swear I could feel his body warmth.

"What's up?" he said, looking directly at me. "I can tell when something's on your mind," he added in a hush, leaning even more closely.

Gosh, I hate the way he makes me feel. The way I act around him is ridiculous. I hate that every time he gets close, my heart races, every touch, every feeling. I hate all of it!

Why does he make me feel this way?

"Do you...Do you want to come to my house later?" I blurted out, causing for Charlie to peek over at me with panic eyes screaming What the hell are you doing!

He looked surprised, but all he can do is smile.

Mom is not going to be here until super late, so I can have the house all to myself. I cleaned from top to bottom of house, throwing all the boxes away and tightening up everything was squared away.

Hearing a knock at the door, it was him standing at my door smiling from ear to ear.

"Hey"

Opening the door for him, "Hey,"

"So, how does this work?" he asked hesitantly, glancing around the room as if unsure of what to capture with my old Canon. The way he held the camera was so awkward, it brought a smile to my face.

Figuring it was a fair trade after all the rugby lessons, I decided to teach Nick a thing or two about photography.

"You can take a picture of anything you like, really. It could be something beautiful, something that grabs your attention, or simply anything that intrigues you," I explained, observing him furrow his brows while peering through the viewfinder.

"Anything?" he asked, seeking confirmation.

I nodded, a spark of enthusiasm lighting up my eyes. "Exactly! That's the beauty of it. Photography allows you to freeze a moment in time, to capture something you love, like, or find amusing. It's incredible how a single image can encapsulate so much emotion, tell a story, or even memories."

Nick listened attentively, his curiosity evident. I continued, "You see, every photo has a story behind it. It's a way of preserving feelings, experiences, and moments that might otherwise fade away. You get to share your perspective with others through the lens, allowing them to see the world through your eyes."

As I spoke, I could see Nick growing more intrigued, absorbing the idea of photography beyond just pressing a button. "Give it a try," I encouraged, "Capture something that stands out to you, something you'd want to remember."

Right as I looked back at Nick, I noticed that fuck, he was looking directly at me. His eyes looked into mine and there it was again, that knot in my stomach. I didn't know what to do, I had completely froze. His eyes seemed different though-

Feeling a buzz in my pocket, I checked my phone. It was a message from my mom, letting me know she wouldn't be home until midnight and that there was lasagna in the fridge. A sigh of relief escaped my lips, knowing I wouldn't have to explain having a boy in my room when she returned.

Hearing a click, I turned to Nick, curious about what had caught his attention through the lens of my camera. "What did you take a picture of?" I asked.

"Just something that I thought was beautiful," Nick replied with a soft smile, his eyes lingering on mine. Raising my eyebrows confused but also curious. He didn't say anything at all, other than putting the camera down.

"Want to watch a movie?" he suggested,

"Already one step ahead of you," I grinned, pulling out one of my favorite Marvel movies.

We settled into the living room couch, time passes by, and my eyelids begin to grow heavy. Waking up to see the credits rolling I quickly sat up. I completely sleep through the whole entire movie.

Looking out the window, it was dark outside, looking at Nick he seemed to be tensed.

"I feel asleep, didn't I?" I chuckled.

Nick's lips curved into a gentle smile, "Yeah, you did. Must have been a comfortable couch."

I stretched my arms, attempting to shake off the drowsiness. "Sorry about that. I guess I needed the nap."

Nick shrugged, "No problem. You looked peaceful."

We sat quietly, the feel of the movie night still in the air. Even with the unexpected nap, the evening felt calm.

"I should probably head home," Nick said, glancing at the time. "It's getting late."

As he stood up, I walked him to the door. Opening it without caring about the cold air seeping in, the night possessed a certain calmness, and the air held a subtle tension, like the moment before something shifts.

"Thanks for inviting me over," Nick said, and for a moment, our eyes met in a way that spoke volumes, yet said nothing at all.

"I wish that you didn't have to go," I admitted, feeling the weight of the night settling in.

"I wish I didn't either," Nick confessed, a hint of reluctance in his voice.

"You look so cuddly like that," he added, his gaze lingering on my knitted sweater.

My eyes softened, and a playful grin tugged at the corners of my lips. "You think so?"

He nodded, smiling back at me. "Yeah, like a giant teddy bear."

I chuckled, feeling a warmth spreading through me that had nothing to do with the sweater. "Well, I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

Nick's cheeks turned a shade of pink, and he scratched the back of his head, a sheepish grin on his face "It's meant to be one," he replied, and we stood there for a moment, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, if I didn't have early morning practice, I might consider staying longer."

I felt a subtle warmth spreading through me. The casual banter, the shared laughter it all felt so easy and right. Yet, there was an unspoken tension, a magnetic pull that lingered between us.

"I guess I'll see you around," Nick said, but he didn't make a move to the open door; it looked like he wanted to say something else he just couldn't find the words.

As he stepped closer, the air between us seemed to shift, and before I knew it, he pulled me into a gentle hug.

Vanilla. Smoke. and Musk

I slowly wrapped my arms around, wanting to not let go, but he quickly pulled away, backing towards the door.

"Um… catch you on Monday," he mumbled, clearing his throat, his gaze fixed anywhere but on me. He melted into the night, leaving me standing there, gaping at the door, with a whirlwind of thoughts spinning through my mind.

Charlie casually peeked around the side of the door, and from the look on his face, it was clear he caught the whole thing.

"Still questioning if he's into you?" Charlie asked, shooting me a knowing look.

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lovepersevering13 · 5 months

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Now could you elaborate on Michael's autism

Alright it’s Michael’s turn!

I want to preface this part the same as before: I’m not a psychiatrist, this isn’t how autism is experienced by everyone and let me know if anything is incorrect :) oh also I’m a little bit more educated on how Autism is shown in girls so this one is a bit of a mess.

Ok so for Michael I kinda had to think for a bit about some like concrete evidence because I didn’t have anything annotated for him like Tori but I think I’ve come up with a pretty compelling argument (also I thought I’d let you know that as I was doing this I started to realise Michael may have ADHD but I don’t really go into that too much).

Firstly:

Alice Oseman herself supports this headcanon so…. Anhahahahajaja omg I can’t explain how happy this makes me! Anyway, let’s get into what I found in Solitaire!

1. Masking

- “Do you get angry a lot?” I say.

“I’m always angry,” he says.” Solitaire, Page 213

Ok we know Michael generally is a very upbeat, positive person on the outside but as we get to know him we learn he’s only barely happier than Tori. When I think about this covering up of his anger with overly positive emotions it is clear to that he is masking (Suppressing Autistic traits). Pessimism is a common m trait of Autism and the way I see it, Michael is overcompensating for this by acting super happy all the time to cover it up.

2. Deficit in social understanding

- “Do you remember when he tried to get everyone to do a flash mob for the Year 11 prank?” says Nick. “And in the end he just did it by himself on the lunch tables?” Nick Nelson, Solitaire, Page 39.

This quote when Nick and Charlie are talking about Michael shows and extreme lack of care about social consequences.

- “Michael Holden has swooped into the restaurant.” Solitaire, page 46

Ok so this quote and the entire scene on pages 46/47 where Michael shows up unannounced because he wants to ask Tori something displays extreme impulsivity and impulsivity is a common Autistic trait. He also didn’t care about the lack of social etiquette displayed by crashing a hangout he wasn’t invited to.

- “Michael is helping himself to our leftover starters” Solitaire, Page 48

Again, lack of social awareness because you aren’t really supposed to crash someone else’s dinner and just start eating their food.

- “He races inside and, without bothering to let me leave or shut the door, he lifts the toilet seat and starts to pee.” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

LACK OF SOCIAL ETTIQUITE. DUDE.

- “He’s the strangest person I’ve ever met.” Solitaire, Page 62

- “I know Nick and I said he’s weird - and he is weird -“ Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 177

- “He looks sort of out of place everywhere.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

People with Autism are often described as being “strange,” “weird,” or “peculiar,” because they are different from their peers which can make them stand out and struggle to fit in.

- “I, er, didn’t get on too well with the people there. Not the teachers, not the students…” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 148

Because of the fact that people with Autism struggle with social understanding it can be very difficult to make friends and get along with other people.

- “I’ve never been good enough,” he says. “I get so stressed out, I don’t make friends - God, I can’t make friends.” His eyes glaze over. “Sometimes I just wish I were a normal human being. But I can’t. I’m not. No matter how hard I try.” Michael Holden, Solitiare, Page 376

Yeah, this quote hurts my heart. So many people with Autism feel as though they don’t fit in and that they aren’t normal. When you don’t have a diagnosis it can be especially difficult because you don’t know why. You know there’s something different about you, you know other people are doing and feeling things you aren’t and you know you’re doing and feeling things other people aren’t, but you don’t know why. It can be super isolating.

3. Challenging Authority Figures

- “…having that argument with Mr Yates during his mock exams!” Either Nick or Charlie, Solitaire, Page 40

- “I swore at Kent.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 269

It’s very common for people with Autism to challenge authority figures. Generally this is because they often naturally assume equanimity and don’t understand why some people should get more respect then others if they aren’t seemingly deserving of it. This stems from having a heightened sense of justice and empathy.

4. Autism and Sexualtiy

- “I guess you could say I’m not too fussy about gender.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

We know Michael’s canonically Pan and as we’ve previously discussed (read Tori’s part for more info) Autism and the LGBTQ+ community are heavily intertwined. I tried to look into Autism’s correlation to Pansexuality but couldn’t find anything specific.

I also wanted to add in a little fact about how Neurodivergent people tend to gravitate towards eachother and queer people tend to do the same so Michael and Tori makes a lot of sense.

5. Special Interests/HyperFixations

Ok so, Michael gets pretty into Solitiare. Right from the start he’s obsessed. Taking photos of the posts, insisting they go to the meet up. I’d probably say it’s a hyperfixation.

And DISNEY. Holy heck Michael loves Disney… and if you haven’t caught on already, yeah imma say it’s a special interest.

- “He gasps and grabs a third DVD, leaps across the room to the flat-screen and switches it on. “We’re watching beauty and the beast,” he says.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 115

I mean look at how excited he gets over ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

6. School

- “Seriously. I haven’t gotten above a C grade in any subject since Year 8.”

“It seems almost impossible for someone like Michael to be unintelligent. People like Michael - people who get stuff done - they’re always smart. Always.” Solitaire, Page 188

- “When it comes to exams… I generally don’t write what they want me to write. I’m not very good at, well, sorting out all the stuff in my head.“

“I just don’t know what the examiners want to hear. I don’t know whether I just forget things, or maybe I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain it. I just don’t know.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 118

- “Because I hate school!” This is quite loud. He starts to shake his head.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

A lot of people with Autism struggle with school and like Tori points out, it’s not because they’re not smart, Michael is smart. It’s just that the education system isn’t fitted to benefit Neurodivergent children. So many things affect Autism in schools. The dreadful sensory environment, lack of control over what they can and can’t do and the difficult social pressures.

7. Emotional dysregulation

- “He clenches his fist and he snarls. He actually snarls at me.

“Maybe you are a manically depressed psychopath.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 163

Emotional Dysregulation is the inability to control the intensity and expression of emotions. This is common in people with Autism and can result in overly intense emotions and lashing out. I think this is something that heavily impacts both Tori and Michael and results in a lot of their arguments. The aforementioned quote is just one example of how quickly and dramatically their arguments blow up due to this.

- “His face contorts into a kind of scrunched-up snarl, his fists curl, his skin drains of colour, and he storms past the man and tramps over to the benches. He reaches a row of lockers and looks into them, blankly, chest visibly expanding and contracting. With an almost terrifying malice, he throws a crazed punch at the lockers, wailing a subdued howl of rage. Turning, he hurls a kick at a pile of racing helmets, scattering them about the floor. He clutches his hair, as if trying to pull it out.” Solitaire, Page 211

Oh there is just so much to cover here. So this is a prime example of an Autistic meltdown. Autistic meltdowns can be caused by overwhelming emotions (In this situation that is Michael loosing his race) and result in an outburst which can include crying, screaming (“howl of rage”), aggression (punching the lockers and kicking the helmets) and self injurious behaviours (Pulling his hair). It’s probably worth mentioning that a few of the outbursts he has towards teachers that I mentioned earlier are probably also meltdowns.

8. Stimming

- “Michael starts whistling.” Solitaire, page 198

Whistling is a form of stimming, this particular quote is from when they are in Truham looking for Charlie, considering Michael’s disdain for Truham I can imagine it was a slightly stressful environment to be back in which would validly result in a need for stimming. I actually couldn’t find any other examples of stimming except possibly the hair pulling that was mentioned in the last quote.

9. Pattern Recognition

So pattern recognition is the autistic brains increased ability to recognise patterns and in Solitaire Michael is the first person to put together the fact that all of Solitaire’s pranks were related to Tori. I really can’t be bothered to find the quote where they talk about those

10. Safe foods

I think that Tea is probably a safe food for Michael because he is often mentioned to have a mug of Tea in his hands. (But I’m not British so maybe this is like normal? How much tea do British people actually drink?)

1. Miscellaneous Quotes

- Since when did you acquire a body temperature” Solitaire, page 112

I know it’s probably supposed to be related to figure skating but struggling with temperature regulation is very common amongst people with Autism.

- “Most of the time at school I can’t even decide what pen to use.” Michael Holden, Solitaire, page 149

Indecisiveness is very common amoungst people with Autism

Alright that’s a wrap on Michael Holden. I’m thinking of doing a conjoined part for Charlie and Oliver if anyone would be interested in reading that :)

Some of the resources I used:

https://livingautism.com/decision-making-problems-adults-asd/

Thermal Perceptual Thresholds are typical in Autism Spectrum Disorder but ...

https://sparkforautism.org/discover_article/managing-emotions/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7430467/

https://neuroclastic.com/autism-and-responding-to-authority/?amp

#michael holden #Michael Holden Solitaire #tori and michael #tori spring #autistic Michael Holden #autistic tori spring #autism coded #autism coding #autism headcanons #autistic Headcanons #alice oseman solitaire #Alice Oseman #solitaire book #heartstopper season 3 #heartstopper book #heartstopper netflix #heartstopper #nick and charlie

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ineshb · 2 years

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okey, so now that the news about joe locke being casted in agatha: coven of chaos are out, i need him to play billy maximoff/wiccan. he would do an amazing job, and i can totally see him as elizabeth olsen's son.

however, i have to admit that the casting that i've been manifesting for months is kit connor as teddy altman/hulkling. he was born to play that role (and nick nelson).

some may not be in favor because they already play a couple in heartstopper, but there have been other actors that play couples in more than one project (like adam sandler and drew barrymore). also, these drawings by alice oseman exist...

also, if marvel casts them, they make sure that the actors have chemistry, and that they have a huge fan base that will endorse the show (because let's be honest, we know how the public reacted to she-hulk, so imagine a show with lgtb+ main characters).

my other petition is to cast edvin ryding as tommy maximoff/speed.

#agatha coven of chaos #joe locke #kit connor #wiccan #marvel #mcu #hulkling #edvin ryding #speed #billy maximoff #tommy maximoff #heartstopper #nick and charlie #young royals #wiccan and speed #wiccan and hulkling

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yorit1 · 1 month

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Charlie could not believe it was the day he was marrying Nick. He and Nick had been through so much together, and finally, they were to be married.

Charlie was finishing his suit. He was in the room with Tori, Olly, Tao, Issac, and Elle.

“How do I look?” Charlie asked.

“You look amazing,” Elle said.

“I’m so happy that Nick will finally be my big brother,” Olly said.

“At first, I wasn’t sure about Nick, but now I’m happy the two of you are getting married,” Tao said.

“I’m so happy you are getting married,” Isaac said, looking into his book.

“Charlie, it’s time to go,” Tori said.

Nick was in another room getting his finishing touches done for his wedding to Charlie. He was in the room with Sai, Christian, Otis, Tara, Darcy, and Sahar.

“How do I look?” Nick asked nervously.

“If I weren’t a total lesbian, I would marry you,” Darcy said.

“Kissing you was how I realised I don’t like kissing boys. But you are one of my best friends, and I am so happy you are getting married,” Tara said.

“Bi solidarity,” Sahar said and fist-bumped Nick.

“Let’s go. We don’t want to keep Charlie waiting,” Nick said.

Nick looked at the mirror one last time and turned around to leave to get married.

The wedding party walked down the aisle. It was time for Nick and Charlie to walk down the aisle. Tori and Olly were walking down Charlie. His mum was walking down Nick.

When they arrived at the alter, Nick and Charlie looked into each other’s eyes, took each other’s hands, and smiled at each other.

Nick thought that Charlie was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

Charlie thought Nick was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

The registrar cleared her throat and began talking.

“Welcome everyone to Nick and Charlie's wedding. Nick and Charlie would like to share their own vows.”

“Charlie, when we first met, I hid who I was and didn’t even know it. I didn’t realise I was bisexual. I was pretending to be one of those rugby lads. I was always a people pleaser, trying to be whoever everyone wanted me to be. You helped me become who I was supposed to be. I am forever thankful that you sat next to me in form. You changed my life, Charlie. You are the strongest, most beautiful, kindest, sassiest person I have ever met. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,” Nick said with tears in his eyes.

“Nick, when I was sat next to you in form, I was going through many things. But it all became easier because of you. A problem shared is a problem halved. You made me find my inner bravery and deal head-on with my problems. I became the man I always wanted to be by your side. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Us against the world forever,” Charlie said with tears.

“Great,” the registrar said. Now that we have the vows, we can proceed to the central part. Repeat after me: I, Nicholas Nelson, Take you, Charles Spring, to be my lawful wedded husband.”

“I, Nicholas Nelson, Take you, Charles Spring, to be my lawful wedded husband,” Nick said.

“I, Charles Spring, take you, Nicholas Nelson, to be my lawful wedded husband,” Charlie said.

“All that I am, I give to you and all that I have, I share with you,” Nick said, sliding the ring on Charlie’s finger.

“I promise to be faithful and honest and share my struggles with you,” Charlie said, sliding the ring on Nick’s finger.

“I promise to be who I am and share the real me with you,” Nick said.

“In sickness and health throughout our life together,” Charlie said.

“Great, I now pronounce you husbands. You may kiss each other,” The registrar said.

Nick and Charlie kiss. It was their first kiss as husbands. It was soft, full of love, and showed all the love the two of them had for each other. Kissing as husbands was so freeing, knowing that they were bonded to each other forever.

Everyone threw confetti at them as Nick and Charlie swayed into their kiss. After they pulled apart from the kiss, Nick and Charlie walked up the aisle hand in hand. They could not believe that they were married.

Nick and Charlie walked into the reception room. It was time to celebrate with friends and family that the two of them had been married.

“Char, I can’t believe we’re married,” Nick said in awe, tickling Charlie.

“I can’t believe you’re my husband Nick. It’s like all my dreams came true,” Charlie said.

“To the happy couple,” their friends all cheered in unison.

Nick and Charlie sat down at their table. Charlie sat in Nick’s lap. Charlie was having a good day and had not had a bad food day in so long. He felt he could eat.

The first course was served, and Nick and Charlie dug into the food.

“Now it is time for the married couple to dance their first dance as husbands,” the singer announced.

Nick took Charlie's hand and led him to the dance floor. They had talked for a while about their song and came to a united conclusion. Nick and Charlie swayed to the music, staring into each other’s eyes.

Nick looked into Charlie’s beautiful blue eyes, feeling like he was staring into his soul. He could not believe that Charlie was his husband. He was so lucky to spend the rest of his life with that man. Charlie’s dimples were showing, and they were so beautiful. Nick felt he could do whatever he put his mind to when he was in Charlie’s arms.

Charlie looked into Nick’s brown eyes. Nick was a few inches taller than him. He looked at him as they swayed to the music. Nick was his husband. Charlie could not believe it. The love of his life was finally his husband. He had been with Nick since he was fourteen. In those years, they had been through so much together. Now was the continuation of their journey and a new beginning as husbands.

Nick and Charlie slowly swayed until the song ended. The next song was more upbeat, and Nick and Charlie tried their best to dance. Neither of them was an excellent dancer, but it was their wedding, and they were allowed to have fun.

Soon, it was time for the main course. Nick and Charlie sat down and ate the food. They were ecstatic that family friends surrounded them and each other as husbands.

When it was time to cut the cake, Nick and Charlie walked to it and took the knife in their hands. They cut the cake in unison. Charlie took a piece of cake and shoved it in Nick's mouth, smearing it around Nick’s face. Nick smeared the cake around Charlie’s cheeks.

Nick and Charlie giggled. They laughed and kissed, tasting the cake on each other’s lips.

“I love you, Char,” Nick said.

“I love you too,” Charlie said.

Nick and Charlie kissed. They were happy and carefree and husbands.

Soon, it was time for them to leave and head out for their honeymoon. They would enjoy the rest of their lives together.

Married husbands.

Forever and Always.

#heartstopper #heartstopperedit #heartstopper fanfic #fanfic #narlieedit #narlie #narlie fanfic #nick and charlie #nick x charlie #nick nelson #charlie spring

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wqxianwriting · 9 months

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As a chronic pain girly I wonder how Nick would be with a partner that deals with chronic pain

I’m not super educated on Chronic Pain and tried to not be too specific/tread lightly fhfjd,, Feel free to correct me if anything feels off/wrong/weird or anything else :D ❤️

Nick Nelson:

First and foremost, he wants to make sure you’re comfortable as possible. He doesn’t want you moving too much if you don’t need to be moving.

If you have medication and need a refill or something, please stay at home and rest while he goes to pick it up :,) (yes even if you both are in school at the time. my mans can drive)

He’s very careful when being physical with you and appreciates when you tell him what’s fine to do and what not to do.

He reaches 24/7 about chronic pain and the specifics of your own symptoms, he also wants to make sure that your mental/emotional state doesn’t go south so he loves to bring you things you like whether it’s a book or an accessory he saw while shopping, food, drinks, anime/manga, movie dvds etc etc

If your fatigue is low he’ll help prop you up and avoid touching anywhere the pain is severe at the best he can. He keeps watch over you and is quick on his feet the moment you need anything.

Also if you’re someone that has problems with focusing on a task at hand he’s a helper 😌

Sometimes it may or may not seem like he’s babying you but honestly he’s just very concerned and wants to help with whatever he can. He asks if it’s okay to ask you certain questions or say certain comments that may come off as offensive to some and is very open to learning more about chronic pain from you instead of just researching on the internet!

BOUNDARIES BOUNDARIES

He helps track your pain levels everyday as well, plans out an exercise routine with you and your doctor – just making sure you’re keeping yourself happy, healthy and active as much as you can without overexerting yourself.

Walks, light/stretching, swimming, whatever you feel at ease doing he’s down for it. Though (in the future, when you’re adults and living together) every once in awhile randomly while it’s around early morning – he’ll take you outside to the front yard, set down two mats (and a big blanket nearby) and have you stretch with him.

Breathing exercises too.

He’s super patient and understanding in your needs (& wants), super attentive and tries not to be overbearing, haha.

#.asks #.abriefnirvana #heartstopper x reader #nick nelson x reader #IM RLLY HOPING NOTHING SOUNDS ??? IDK #offensive TT but if it does lmk lmk i’ll change it or take this down!!#you are very strong and lovely 🥰#you got this! 💪#its pretty short bc of the reasoning stated in the beginning but you’re free to always educate me if you feel comfortable! or anyone else!#hope its good tho 🫶#.headcanons #.my writing

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heartstopper-tword · 1 year

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Heartstopper Headcanons

Nick Nelson

85% Ler, 15% Lee

Contrary to a lot of people’s beliefs, I feel like he isn’t as ticklish as people think he is

Of course, he has maybe a few spots that may catch him off guard

And you have to be real lucky to be able to get those spots

And even then they’re not super ticklish

They will mainly only get him giggling if you manage to catch him off guard

Most of the time he’s a very gentle ler

But he can be ruthless when he wants to be

His most common victim is Charlie, of course

But tbh no one is safe when he gets into his ler moods

And he gets into ler moods A LOT

Charlie has learned to watch out for that mischievous glint that appears in his eyes and that smirk that comes with it

If he sees that expression come across his face, he bolts immediately

Nick can easily pin his victims once he catches them

This boy is strong af

He’s very smug yet casual when tickling the living shit out of someone

He could be just trying to have a normal sounding conversation with whoever’s beneath him yet at the same time completely wrecking their worst spots

He will show mercy when he feels like his victims need it though

He always makes sure they’re okay afterwords and is very cuddly too

So all in all, as sweet as he normally is, he can be evil when he wants to be

Charlie Spring

30% Ler, 70% Lee

Oh this sweet boy

The amount of times he’s been ganged up on is UNREAL

He’s the type of person that when you even look at one of his ticklish spots he starts giggling

He can hardly hold out at all

I think his worst spots would have to be under his arms, his neck, and his knees

Though really anywhere can get him laughing

He’s a runner

He will try to escape before anyone can tickle him whenever he can

And we all know how fast Charlie is, so he can actually keep a good distance away from the ler for a while

But once he gets caught, he’s a lost cause

He has the sweetest sounding laugh anyone’s ever heard

Like literally, mixed with his dimples it melts your heart

There’s no way in hell you can NOT smile around a giggly Charlie

Gets tickled by Nick almost daily

Before those two were together, Tao, Elle, and Isaac frequently ganged up on him a lot too

They still do

Charlie actually has his ler moments as well

Very rare, however

He acts confident, though it’s all fake

He’s very sneaky and isn’t afraid to immediately exploit someone’s worst spots

Again, he’s very fast, so he’s very good at catching a victim in a chase rather quickly

He’s very gentle however and will always make sure everyone’s having a good time

#heartstopper #netflix #heartstopper tickle #heartstopper tickle fic #headcanons #heartstopper headcanon #heartstopper tickle headcanons #nick nelson #charlie spring #lgbtq

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relocatedheads · 2 years

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Jealous Nelson

Summary: The new kid talks to Charlie, Nick is nothing but a jealous ball... due Nick being totally unhinged in the name of possessiveness Pairing: Nick Nelson x Charlie Spring Trigger Warnings: Smut :? there is a lot of it implied but it’s still here Content Warnings: Blowies

Charlie was fishing through his locker, desperately trying to add some sort of organisation to it - there was only so many times he could cram his life in there before everything got scrunched up or ripped. The boy was also trying to fill the 5-10 minute wait he had until Nick would be done with Geography (even though they finished lessons at the same time, sadly due to Nicks kind approachable personality, he became subjected to his teachers mini geography rants after every lesson). He found himself a little too focused in his tidying to the point hearing his attention being called made him squeal.

“Oh- I'm so sorry.” The voice sounded from his left, Charlie stepped back and looked over, it was a face he didn’t recognise. He must’ve gave a confused look to the boy, “You are Charles Spring, right?”

“Charlie, yah.” He smiled. fiddling with the book in his hands.

The boy happily sighed, “Good! I’m new here, I got told you were someone I could go to if I needed maths tutoring?” While not a question, the boys inflections caused it to be one, Charlie nodded along. “You’re in year 11, right?”

“Yeah. Um, what year are you in?”

“Year 12, I'm new. I didn't pass my maths GCSE so I have to do it again,” the boy shrugged a laugh. “You don’t have to help me if you can’t, or don’t want too, year 11 is a busy year.”

“Oh no no. I’d love to! I'm free Thursdays after school, if you can do that?”

“Oh I'd love that!” He put his hand on Charlie’s arm, “Thank you so much!” They both smiled at each other, the younger one felt his checks redden. “Shall we meet in the library?” Charlie nodded, “I’ll see you around.”

The boy fell into the crowds outside the locker room while Charlie’s head fell into his locker. He huffed out a groan. You didn’t even get his name.

“Hey hottie!”

Charlie yelped, “Fuck- what is it with everyone making me jump today?!” He pulled himself from his locker, to find Nick to his right, wearing his famous slanted smile.

“Who’s your new friend?” The rugby lad teased, crossing his arms.

“OH! No- he’s new. I don’t know his name, but he’s in your year. He wanted to know if I could give him maths tutoring,” Nick hummed and slowly nodded his reply, causing Charlie cross his brows, “What-” His boyfriend offered a confused pout. “-I know that look.”

“What look?” He said still with a tangy face, this time offering a breathy laugh.

Charlie raised his brows at him, smirking “Nicholas Nelson, are you jealous?” He taunted, “How dare a new man interact with little ol’ me.” He was being over dramatic, he could see Nicks brain racking through responses. The duo stood in a half friendly face off for a few seconds: Nick with crossed arms and an unamused face while Charlie was cradling his Latin book in his arms prenteding to be all gushy over the new boy.

Much to Charlies surprise, Nick took a step towards him and in 0.5 of a second, had him pushed up against a locker, one hand above his head, another on his arm and a leg in-between his own, pinning him there until Nick decided enough was enough. This bold move stole the air from Charlies lungs. He couldn't help but smile, he may have lost but he knows in so many different ways, he’d won. Nick threw his lips onto Charlie’s, taking full control. He left love filled, lust peppered, ownership sprinkled kisses all over his partners lips. His hands moved from Charlies arm and rested on the base of Charlie’s throat, he could feel the small whimpers dissolve in his throat. They pulled apart and Nick’s eyes were cemented onto Charlies face. The younger boys eyes ran across Nicks face, his own cheeks were getting hotter by the second.

“You always do kiss better when you agitated.”

“Oh shut up Char...” He tightened his grip on his throat slightly and leaned back in to drop the same kisses upon his boyfriends mouth.

After a minute or two, Charlie tapped Nicks shoulder making him step away, panting at the ability to breath again. “Well Mr Jealous, as much as I'd love to stay here, I've got an English lesson to get to.”

Nick laughed breathily, he lowered his hands onto his boyfriends waist, “Orrr...” He trailed, moving his eyes from Charlie to the toilets down the hall, leaning his head that way too.

Charlie slapped his textbook into Nick’s stomach and began to walk away, only to be pulled back into Nick’s side as he had an arm thrown over his shoulder, “C’mon I'll be quick..”

He let out a chuckle, “I love you,” he put his head on Nicks shoulder, “But I don’t think I want to bring that rumour to life yet.”

-----------------------------------

“it’s an awful film! Who singings to someone and then just.. falls in love!?” The gang: Tao, Issac, Charlie and today they were joined by Nick, were chilling on their lunch bench, the three having to endure Toa’s anti romcom rant for the 100th time this accademic year.

“Taooooo” Charlie put his head in his hands,

“I just wanna believe in romance!” Issac gushed, “Not everything needs to be complicated and extreme and difficult!” Charlie mumbled still from his hands. This action cause Nick to blush.

“Then,” Tao picked up his apple juice, waving it about, “What’s the point?”

“To enjoy the film!” Charlie appeared from his hands, now having his cheeks held in his palms.

“Having something handed to you, is not enjoyable!”

“Having to do research for a film to even begin to understand it, is not enjoyable...” Issac rebuttled waving his book at Tao. The coupled laughed at their squabbling.

After a bit of comfortable silence, Tao said, “Hey Charlie, ain’t that the boy you tutor?” He motioned over to the infamous new kid hanging with Nick’s rugby boys.

“Oh he’s handsome!” Issac noted, “Does he play Rugby?” He asked generally but motioned more to Nick.

Nick mumbled low enough only Charlie could hear, “I fucking hope not.”

Unexpected to the boys, Nick turned to Charlie and planted one of the most rushed, possessive, lust filled kisses he’s ever received on his lips. When they pulled away, Charlie knew he was blushing, he knew too he was smiling like a fool. Just as he pulled away, Nick stood up and left the table. Leaving Charlie in a small haze.

Both boys looked over to the friend with confused expressions. “I don’t think he likes that your tutoring Liam..” Tao laughed.

Charlie groaned, dropping his head back into his hands, “I dont know what his issue is!”

“Charlie. Have you seen Liam!” Issac put his book down, “He’s handsome handsome!”

“Yeah, but like.. he’s not... Nick”

Tao laughed to himself, “Anyway, by the way you reacted to that kiss, I wouldn’t think there’s gonna be much of an issue for you both..”

---------------------

It was after school and it was rugby day. Oddly enough this became one of Charlie’s most loved days of the week. It’d not been long after he was allowed to go back on the team but he found it made his week that much more enjoyable when he could go. Obviously, after everything that’d happened, him rejoining the rugby team amped up Nick’s protective side, being captain he kept a very close eye on him throughout practice.

The boys made their way out to the pitch where Coach Singh was stood with a student, “We got a new player?” Otis questioned.

“Thought we had enough?” “Probably another reserve?” The boys nattered between themselves.

“Nelson! There you are!” Singh yelled to the boy, who waved his arm up to her. She continued her conversation with the student but as she moved, Nick noticed exactly who it was.

Charlie must have sensed his distain, he looked over to his boyfriend and let out the most gorgeous belly chuckle, pushing Nick in the arm.

“Why-” Nick groaned, only causing Charlie to laugh all the more.

When at the pitch, Nick was ushered over by their coach, “This is Nicholas, he’s our captain, and a damn good one at that. He has a stern side, but he’s an all round lovely boy nonetheless.” Nick did he best fake smile, she turns to the pile of boys, “Boys, this is Liam, he’ll be our new reserve. Understandably due to Charlie’s health, it’s beneficial for us to have a second... just incase you’re feeling under the weather, you won’t need to stress yourself if you don’t feel you can play.” She directed the end towards Charlie, who stood rather awkwardly. but smiling at the gesture. Nick couldn't thank his coach for this idea enough, but he held too much frustration over the choice of boy. “Liam used to go to a school in North Essex, he’s an incredible sportsman so I hope you all welcome him with open arms.” There was a choir of mumbled hello’s. “Pair up, you’ll be doing a few drills. Nelson, im putting you with Liam.”

Charlie couldn't hide the shit eating grin on his face, making Nick shake his head in his direction. He felt an arm sling round his shoulders, “I guess I'll adopt you for the moment then.” It was Christian. Charlie got on with him really well, Nick was automatically relaxed at that pairing. He was moderately aware of the younger boys conditions so Nick knew Charlie wouldn't get pushed too far.

as for Liam.... Nick made it his mission. Everyones doing something 3 times? Nick made Liam do it 5 times. Tackle Nick while he didn't move? Oops, look like Nick dodged him. Simple star jumps? No, burpees.

“You tryna kill me, man?” Liam huffed out after his 7th round of: weaving in and out posts, 5 burpees, passing the ball between cones, tackling sponge posts.

“Think of it more like an initiation.” He said rather stilly.

After some time, and lots of masochism from Nick, Coach Singh pulled them back in for team chat. Charlie naturally found himself next to Nick.

“You having fun?” Nick murmured,

“Yeah, miss you though.” He paused, “How’s your new friend doing?” Nick glared at him, causing a little laugh to slip, “Says it all.” Nick playfully pushed his shoulder in Charlie, causing him to topple a little.

“You boys listening?” Coach aimed at them,

“Better than ever!” Nick smiled, Charlie nodding.

“We’re going to work on speed, i want you boys to be quickest on that field! Your play can be fair but if that speed ain’t there, you’re bound to lose.” She paused, “Charlie over here, I want you boys to get closer to him. Some reason the kid is built like a spring bean but runs like a race car, so I doubt you’ll reach him but I want you to surprise me.” The compliment made Nick smile more than Charlie himself.

They lined themselves up, Nick stayed with coach while a handful of the boys took their positions. Charlie was in the first race. He took himself over to his lane, making sure he was ready, focusing on being confident his laces were done up... Again too focused to notice the person next to him. The sudden voice caused him the yelp slightly.

“Oh- again? You’re a rather jumpy lad.” Liam laughed. Charlie smiled, tucking his hands in his sleeves, “I didn't know you were on the rugby team. You don’t strike me as much of the rugby player.”

Charlie smiled at his comment reminiscing on the reason.. much rather person.. that caused him to actually play, “Neither did i.”

“always thought you were the library’s pretty boy.” His comment brought an uncontrolled blush to Charlies face, making him look down. “It’s a nice surprise of character to see you on a field.”

Nick could read him like a book, he knew how Charlie’s behaviours correlated to his feelings so the moment his hands went under his sleeves and his head dipped, he knew he was uncomfortable,, but he couldn’t see if it was a good or bad uncomfortable. All he knew was his stomach was in tight knots and his mouth was glued in a straight line.

The boys got in their starting positions, Nick just hoped to to the heavens that Charlie kept his winning streak. Coach Singh blew her whistle and the boys were off. Nick kept his eyes on them, following Charlie most, much to his expectations, he was fulfilling them. That was until they got to 75 meters. Charlie practically slowed to half his speed and came 3rd by the end.

The moment he got over the finishing line, he felt his lungs and heart were in his throat, Nick stood off to the side but close enough by trying to gage Charlie’s motions. The boy folded his arms above his head trying to get as much oxygen in as possible.

Liam made his way over to Charlie, putting a hand on his arms, “You're very fast for a little lad. You did g-”

A different side of Nick took over, one that he doesn’t use all too often. A little too harshly than expected, he yelled “Spring!” Everyone looked over, Charlie squinted a little knowing what was about to happen, he looked over the Nick with a fake confusion still puffing in air, “Here, now!”

“I'm fine!” He called back, still panting.

Nick just looked at him, arms folded. “Wasn't a question.” every word punctuated perfect. Classic Captain Nelson voice. Charlie felt himself melt.

“Coming Captain!” He replied in an overly friendly yell, only for Nick to recognise the suggestive tone that swam under it. Walking over to his boyfriend, he had a little sway to this step and a smirk on his face.

When he got to Nick, his panting subsided slightly. Nick greeted him with a bottle pointed at him. “Love you!” Charlie smiled, grabbing the drink.

“You didn’t win.”

“Wow. Is that all I mean to you now?” Charlie smirked

“Wha- No.” Nick crossed his brows at him, he put a hand on Charlie’s jaw, “You let him win.”

Charlie couldn't help the belly formed cackled that he had, “Nick! That’s ridiculous-” He put his hand on his arms, “You’re ridiculous.”

His face softened, “Sorry, I don’t know why I'm being like this. Are you okay though?”

He smiled “A little wobbly, but I haven’t exactly ran full sprint in like a year.”

“Thank you for trying anyway. You did really well, honestly.” He planted a soft kiss to Charlies forehead.

“Are you really that jealous of him?”

“Ugh” He groaned against Charlie’s head. Stepping back slightly, he let go of the young boy, wading his hands in his hair “Yes! No? I don't know! Every time he’s with you, I just get all itchy and like I have to just make him aware your mine-” Charlie laughed, “God- I don't know what wrong with me. I don't know if its because he’s like the only one here that doesn’t know you're mine-”

“I’m yours?” This made him blush.

“God yes. You’re mine, isn't that obvious!” Charlie blushed harder, “Mine, mine, mine, in every way. And I don't want him getting any ideas other wise.”

“You’re so cute! Nick, he’d never have a chance, there’s only so much rugby lad I can have in my life,” This made Nick chuckle and relax slightly, “Plus,” Charlie stepped closer to him, talking lower, “nothing and no one can beat,” His hands went to Nicks biceps, “Captain Nick Nelson and his rugby arms.” He spoke with the same tone as when he’d previously called him that.

He swooped down to Charlies ear, “Call me Captain in that tone again and I'll take you right here right now.” His voice went straight to his knees, making Charlie almost buckle, it didn't go unnoticed. “Oh you like that? Having everyone know who's you are? Having Liam know you're mine? Having him see-” his hands brought Charlies chin up so they were looking at each other, “-that you're mine.”

Charlie gasped slightly, his eyes were slightly more glassy, “Yes” He breathed out.

“God you’re captivating.” Nick whispered against his lips sealing them in a heartfelt kiss. If it weren't for Nicks hands under his jaw, Charlie was certain he would've been a puddle on the ground.

-----------------------

Charlie walked from form - which he spent alone today, unknown of Nicks where abouts - to meet Liam at the library for their weekly tutoring session. Charlie didn’t mind this part of his week as it gave him a nice sense of purpose and even though he’ll never admit it, he did enjoy the reaction he got out of Nick because of it: meeting him at his house after for an overly dominant, overly protective Nick Nelson kiss.

Charlie had his headphones thrown over one ear, bag hanging off the opposite shoulder, he was walking the halls at the pace of the muse song not paying too much mind of the world around him. “Charlie!” He heard fainting behind the drums, he lowered the volume and saw Liam waving at him as he walked closer. “Hey! Funny seeing you here,” He joked once having met up with his tutor.

Out of respect, Charlie dropped his headphones to his shoulders, “Hey” He greeted with his warm smile, “Two people who go to the same school, going to the same place, it’s almost impossible they’d bump into each other.”

“Oh he’s bringing joke today! I see!” Liam playfully shoved into him as they made their way to their destination.

“How was your day?”

“It was oaky, thank you. My lessons weren’t too much trouble, got to sit out in PE today and had a drum lesson, quite an easy day. You?”

“Yeah,” He held the door for Charlie and waiting until both were through to continue, “Easy day too, had a free period this morning, had pe after, simples.” There was a pause, “Nick was my partner again. Man does that boy put people through the ringer!”

His comment made Charlie laugh, knowing throughly that tough love was no way near Nicks natural way, “What do you mean?”

“The whole session, it felt like he wanted me dead. We’d do a full set.. bear in mind one of our sets were like 3 of everyone else's and he’d give me like 10 seconds rest.” He rattled off, almost like he was lost in a day dream. “Like how that can kid do so much and not die!?”

Charlie shrugged, “Can’t have the Nick Nelson build without putting in the work, I guess.”

“Where is he anyway? He’s usually glued to you like a lot puppy.” Charlie wondered the same thing

“I’m not too sure.” And as if on que, he came bowling round the corner with Otis, Sai and Christian formed round him. Charlie felt his heart fly to his mouth, he wasn’t too sure what Jealous Nelson was gonna pull today,

“It’s almost as if he heard us,” Liam laughed.

Nick had locked his eyes on Charlie, making a b line straight to him. Sadly, he’d clocked his arms were tensed to his sides and his hands were fanned out... Which only meant one thing. “Oh no,” Charlie murmured under his breath “Hey-” Low and behold Charlie was tossed up over Nicks shoulder before he could even get his words out, “-Oh my god! Put me down!”

“Oi! Give me my tutor back-”

With his back Liam and his friends, Nick kept walking forward, “He’ll be back in 5.”

“C’mon mate, we’ll help you until Charlies back.” Sai guided the 3 of them into the library.

“Nick? Can you put me down now?” Charlie asked still dangling over the lads shoulder.

“Nah.”

“Nick!”

Once they’d made it into the toilets, Charlie was set free and then pulled into a stool. He huffed out a breath, “Very romantic. A school bathroom.”

“We’ll I can’t remind you who’s you are with others watching, can I?” Charlie’s stomach flipped at Nick’s bluntness.

“You wanted to the other day.” He smirked up to his boyfriend.

“Oh I missed that cheek-” Nick lent in and place a love filled kiss to Charlie's lips. He very kindly reciprocated. The two stood- Charlie pushed up against the stall wall- making out like they had done countless times before. So far it was familiar. Charlie’s hands found their way to the back of nicks head while his fell onto to Charlie’s jaw: their usual places.

Charlie broke the kiss, “Why weren't you in form?”

“Couldn’t bare looking at you knowing you were about to spent an hour alone with Liam.” Nick’s eyes felt a little darker than usual. “Knowing I'd have to spend 10 minutes looking at you, knowing I wouldn't be able to send you off to him with a little reminder... I couldn't handle it.” Nick spoke lowly, he mouth centimetres from Charlie’s. “Did he meet you outside form?”

Charlie ran his fingers through Nicks hair, massaging his scalp, “Nah, I was walking to the library and he kinda bumped into me.”

“Hm, What were you talking about?” He eyes stayed pinned to Charlie’s.

“You.” He knew the response this’d get from Nick. “You and you’re...” Charlie’s hands fell to Nicks arms that were locked onto the wall around his frame, he ran his hands down his arms, nails gazing his skin, “... muscles, the way you go above and beyond, how rough you can be,” He took his time in complimenting Nick.

Nick was confident if Charlie kept speaking he’d knees would give out on him, he always had this odd ability to change his tone ever so slightly and cause Nick to melt. Nick threw himself back at this boyfriend, a lot more viciously now. The kisses were less delicate, less neat, less quiet. He bent his arm allowing himself to deepen his kisses, causing a pretty sound to fall in Charlie’s throat. Nick slid his knee in-between his legs. “God, you make such pretty noises for me.”

Charlie was looking at him with lust filled puppy eyes, his hands still hanging on his arm, “Only for you.” Nick was certain he’d met an angel.

“Yah?” Charlie nodded, “Why don’t we get you to make some more, huh? I think I need a little reminder of who's you are.” Charlie was yet again left nodding.

So they kissed, and kissed. and kissed. Charlie hands found their home in Nicks locks. Nicks hands moved to pulling off Charlie’s headphones, chucking off his blazer, loosening his tie and undoing the top button of his shirt. Nick rolled his kisses down to Charlie’s ear lope, taking it in his teeth. This alone caused him to see stars, a whimper bubbled in his throat. “God, them pretty noises.” He spoke barely above a whisper.

He moved down to Charlie neck. This was his favourite place to kiss the boy, ever since Paris, he’d never been able to leave it alone. One kiss and he was already a mess. “Nick-” Charlie tugged on his hair, soon enough the younger boys hands were pinned about his head by one of Nicks hands. The kisses began to be mixed with sucks, licks and open mouth kisses. Charlie had his head leant over so Nick could get as much room as he needed.

“You’re so hot. Every noise you make, so hot.” Nick gushed into his skin, licking a panel of his neck. “All of this, just for me. just because of me.”

“just because of you.” Charlie repeated breathier than ever, rolling his hips into Nick. The elder boy scooted forward so his thigh became a place Charlie could relieve himself on.

Nick pulled back, looking at the state of his partner. The well put together truham golden boy was now pinned in a bathroom stall wall looking fucked out even though he'd only been kissed. Nick smiled at his work, Charlie already entering his headspace, eyes half lidded.

He let out a breathy laugh, knowing Nick was staring at him, “What?”

Nick shock his head, “Nobody would ever believe me-” He pushed his thigh into his groin earning a breautiful shudder from the younger boy. “No one would believe that lovely little Charlie is such a slut of kisses.” This alone made him moan, “And dirty talk, wow.” If he weren’t blushing before, he was now.

“Nick” He sighed, opening his eyes, “I-um please.”

He used his free hand to stroke Charlie’s jaw, “What, baby?”

“Need you.” He paused, “Want you.”

“Do you?” Charlie nodded, Nick took his leg out from in-between his thighs. “You want me to..” He thought for a moment, hand running along the front of his trousers, “... suck you off?” He felt him tense, “Yeah? Make you all fucked out and leave you to go tutor Liam with nothing but me on your mind?” He began undoing Charlie’s trousers, “Make you want to have my cock, make you beg for it but send out to see your friend? Hell I might even send you out there still hard, make tutoring him the most difficult thing.” Charlie let out a cute small moan to this, “Oh” Nick smirked, kissing his neck, “That’s what I'll do, being as you like the idea so much.”

Nick tugged Charlie’s trousers down, pulling away to look at his boy, he stroked he cheek, “Hey, look at me.” Soft calm Nick was back. Charlie flicked his eye open, “you okay with me doing this?”

“Yeah” He smiled, speakly breathlessly,

“You not just agreeing for the sake of it?”

“No- god no” He ran his hands over Nicks, “Please, I want you so bad. Can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck me Nick.”

“When we get home, but I wanna have some fun first.” He popped a kiss on Charlie’s head and fell down to his knees, “God you are so beautiful.” He palmed Charlie through his boxers, causing his favourite noise to come from him: a throaty groan. Charlie rolled his head up and covered his face with his hands. “Hey, I wanna see you.” Nick spoke softly.

He places a handful of kisses around the area, soon to pull his boxers down and letting Charlie free. “you’re so hard.” Charlie nodded frantically, “Who made you hard, Charlie?”

“You!” He said a little too eager, making Nick laugh, “You did.”

“That’s right.” He rolled his fist over Charlie’s cock, a couple pumps before continuing, “You’re doing so well for me. So beautiful. Love your cock so much.” Charlie was a head breath, closed eyed, head rolling mess. “You want me to suck you off?”

“Please please please please please” Charlie panted.

Nick licked his tip, causing a gasp to leave the Youngers mouth, “God, you’re such a whore.” Nick began putting more and more of the boy in his mouth, rolling his tongue around his cock, rotating his head as he pulled up from his base, eventually bottoming out so his nose touched Charlie’s pelvic bone.

“Ohmygod-” He whimpered, “-Nick, wow. I love your mouth.”

“Char, you make such pretty noises for me. I wonder if Liam can hear you. Oh he has no clue what im doing to you right now, no clue how good I'm making you feel, no clue how fallen apart you are.” He went back to sucking Charlie, putting his all into bringing his boy so close to the edge but not enough he would go past it. “Your being so good for me.”

“Nick nick nick nick” Charlie spoke to himself, head still rolled back, hands now in Nicks hair, trying to pull his further onto his dick.

“Now now, be good and keep your hands to yourself, Charlie.” He pulled his hands from his hair and pinned them to his sides.

The bathroom will filled with dirty sounds: Charlies whimpers, both their heavy breaths, the sound of saliva squelching.

Charlie’s throat dropped an all too familiar hiccup: a sort of cross between a sigh and a whimper. Nick knew this sound, it meant he was going to come. He remembered the first time he heard it: the two were messing about in Nicks room, it was 3am, they were making out and things went a little further. Charlie was in his lap humping him, a collection of soft small noises were made from Charlie until he made this breath taking sound that lead to him shaking in Nicks arms.

Nick pulled off his boyfriend, leaning back against the other stall wall, panting. He looked up and his partner was well and truly fucked out with a pout on his face. “You stopped?”

“I told you,” Nick stood up bringing Charlie’s pants and trousers up with him. “ I want you to go see Liam all fucked out and hard.” He tucked Charlie back into his bottoms causing a gasp from the boy and for him to steady himself on Nick’s shoulders. “I want you to walk out there with my name all over you, so he knows where he stands.”

Charlie’s head feel into the crook of Nick’s neck, “Sometimes I think you’re a psycho. You’re lucky you’re so hot.”

He laughed, zipping up his trousers, rebutting his shirt and reorganising his tie. “God” Nick gasped. “I'm trying so hard not to fuck you right now. You look so out of it.”

Everything Charlie said had an air of fuzziness to it, and a wave that made him sound sort of drunk. He was sure his brain wasn't even in his head, “I want you to. Please.”

“Go tutor Liam and if you're still good, I'll treat you when we’re home.” He gave him a chase kiss and went to leave the stall.

“Where you going?”

“Doesn't matter, you’ll know soon enough. neaten yourself up a little more before you go out there, yah?” Charlie nodded, still feeling like he was dreaming, he saw Nicks eye drop to his cock and float back up, he laughed to himself and left Charlie alone.

Fucking rugby lads.

Charlie desperately tried to pull himself from his lull. He straightened his blazer up, slung his headphones back round his neck and walked to the mirror, he certainly looked far more hazy. He splashed some water on his face and shook head trying to wake himself up, it worked slightly yet he was still convinced his vision wouldn’t return properly for a while. Huffing to himself, he checked his phone... only 15 minutes later. He recollected his thoughts, trying to push Nick as far back as he could and left the bathroom.

When he made it to the library, he saw Sai, Christian, Otis and Nick sitting with Liam. Oh no why. Liam was head down in his homework, the three boys lent over the table guiding him through the problems and Nick was leant back, arms folded looking directly at Charlie with a small smirk.

Charlie knew he was blushing. The boys movements felt lazy but almost as though they had an unstoppable spring to themselves. The boys looked up over to him having sensed someone close by.

“Oh my god.” Otis laughed, he nudged Nick playfully. “Tell me you didn't actually fuck the poor boy in the toilets again.” He sighed leaning back in his chair, quiet enough only Nick would hear. Charlie sat down with a very blushed face.

Nick’s smirk grew to a proud smile, he remained in his position. He didn't need to correct his friends; his aim was achieved.

“Hi Charlie, you okay?” Liam greeted.

“Yeah,” It was a breathy, daydreamy reply from the young boy. This made Nick laugh to himself.

“What did Nick want so desperately?”

“Um-” Charlie couldn't help but look over to his partner “He just-”

“I needed to show Charlie I found something of mine I'd lost.” Nick filled in, rather monotonedly, only one boy at that table knew exactly what that meant.

“Oh was it anything exciting?”

Nick flicked his eyes at the red marks that lined the neck of Charlie’s collar. “I think so,” He looked back at Liam, “Charlie seemed to be pleased I'd found it.” The boy in question, nodded along.

Charlie and Liam started talking about what area they were going to focus on this lesson, losing themselves in their little conversation. Otis, Sai and Christian joined in at times to tell Charlie what they’d done while he was out. The whole time Nick sat in silence gawking over his lover. After a short while, the three rugby boys shared a small look and one nudged Nick, stealing his attention and returning it with a collective eyebrow raise.

Nick simply shrugged over confidently. The boys laughed to themselves, punching the Caption in his arms. “Who knew Nick Nelson would be a dog!”

“Fuck off”

The trio laughed, “We’re gonna go, you still meeting us at Sai’s later?” Otis asked Nick,

He looked up at the boys, then Charlie, then back at them, “Maybe, gotta take care of some things first, but I'll try come.”

“Oi oiii” “Of course you’ll come!” The boys heckled, punching him in the arms again and cheering as they walked away leaving the library. Nick laughed under his breath, thankful he took them boys back into his life.

“They're a lovely bunch.” Liam noted.

“The better half of the rugby team.” Charlie added. Nick collected his stuff, standing up, gaining Charlie’s attention, “Where you running off to?”

“Don’t you worry your pretty head about me.” He walked a step to Charlie, turning his head up to him, “Behave,” Nick delivered sternly, Charlie blushed, “I’ll be back in 40 to come get ya.” He lent down to kiss him, once he stood back up he saw Liam turn his head away, so he went in for another kiss. As Nick walked off he yelled back, “I love you Charlie Spring!” Charlie laughed loudly as his partners gesture, “I didn’t catch that?”

“I love you too Nick Nelson.” Nicks response was an over dramatic reenactment of him catching the words and pushing them into his heart and him pretending to fall over. Charlie shock his head laughing at the boy.

Nick left the library in full confidence his goal was well and truly achieved.

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softdavidrose · 1 year

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💚 iole softdavidrose's 2022 follow forever 💛

2022 has definitely been a good year for me, if not challenging, especially after the stressfulness of 2021 and for that i am beyond grateful. i have admittedly not been on here so much this past year, but all the time i have spent scrolling through my dash has been always entertaining and delightful, and i owe it all to you!

as per usual, i'm going to mention all my lovely mutuals who helped make 2022 on this hellsite (affectionate) so much better. i hope i have not forgotten anyone, but for that you can check out my blogroll! also a huge shoutout to all the people who follow me and the people i follow who aren't mutuals, you guys are all special 💙

and finally, if you wish you can follow me on twitter where i usually spend most of my social media time and where i find it easier to actually interact with people (i know twitter isn't the most stable site right now, but hey)

i hope this year was kind to you, and i wish everyone a happy and peaceful 2023! 💛💛💛

#-c

@1mechanicalalligator @aheartofgold @agentplant @aleagueoftheirown @alnkos @amarakaran @androidbrittaperry @annacoleman @b99peraltiago @bakerolivia @bellamysgriffin @benjiwyatt @benslie @benwwyatt @bethrios @bidoctor @brittas-perry @broadchurches @brooksdavis @captainsantiagos @cas-andor @casfallsinlove @candicepatton @catty-words @cheddarholt @chrissiewatts @chrrispine @claytonsdani @colemckenzies

d-j

@daptainholt @daisysjones @darcyscarden @darlingdiaz @danieljradcliffe @donnaamoss @dontfreakout @emmaswcns @emmawoodouse @evelyncelia @glenanneswesten @hargreevcs @howlscastle @hullomoon @isakvaltzrsen @iridescentides @lanekim @leightonmurray @lightinthewings @jackharlows @jakeyp @jakeperalta @jakejperalta @jane-foster @jenlindleygf @johnny-and-dora

k-r

@kennycrows @lonelyheartsmotel @lonesometonight @macperalta @madelyn-cline @mai-tylee @mandy-lane @matbaynton @mauraeyk @meliorn @millierusks @mileyscyrus @montygreen @moondstars @naiey @neilljosten @nick-nellson @nick-nelson @noahreids @novemberthee5th @oceangenasi @parissquads @paradigmsofjessicaday @plethores @pugsleys @robinbukley @roguebebe @roseapothecary @rosedavid @rosevilles @ririvilliams

s-z

@sircolinmorgan @slayercordelia @slutabed @soibhanroy @softbromley @spaceswifty @star-kovs @swearphil @theclaravoyant @theimprobable1 @theroseapothecary @trueloveistreacherous @tylrgalpins @userciri @userlarri @wakandasforever @whatstheproblembaby @wolf-three-fifty-nine

#iole.txt #follow forever #hope i didn't forget anyone because i always feel like i do </3 #love y'all!!!!

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marvelstarker-mha98 · 5 months

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The Runaway Distance Life Of A Little Stark chapter 30: Last Will And Testament

Pairing: Tony Stark & daughter!Reader, Pepper potts x tony stark, Happy hogan, tony stark & Pepper potts, Maria hill & Tony stark, Ben parker, may parker & peter parker, Matt Murdoch & Foggy Nelson, Steve rogers, Natasha romanoff, Sam Wilson & Nick Fury, Tony Stark & Harley Keener

Summary: Two Families meet and now it is THE WILL

Warning: Tears and flashbacks

Co author with: callikc Tag: @venomsvl @geeksareunique

May found solace when being with friends and family.

She always had.

As she spoke to Ned Leeds' parents, Dulce and Nina, and MJ's mother, Louise, she felt the grief die down just a little. It wasn't gone by any means, but at least it was manageable.

(Pretend This is ned's Filipina moms, Dulce and Nina, up to you which one is who.) "It'll be lonely without her." Nina was saying with a downcast look. "She loved our cooking."

Dulce smiled sadly and put an arm around her shoulders. "She did. She always looked out for Ned, too."

"She loved those boys."

Louise nodded in agreement. "She helped out in the cafe as well. I'd have been lost without her."

(yes this is Hallie Berry as Louise Jones. M.J's mom) "She did?" May asked.

"All the time. If Michelle got sick or I was too busy then (Y/n) was there in a heartbeat. She donated all she had sometimes to keep the place running."

The Peter Pan Donut & Pastry Shop was a cozy little place.

It was warm and open and Louise took pride in keeping the cafe up to the best standards. It was her childhood dream to own a quaint yet homey place like this and now in adulthood she never wavered from that dream.

You were sitting at the counter with a steaming mug of warm coffee and the famous quiche from the menu. It was one of the very rare days where you didn't have to be at SHIELD or take care of the kids and so you took the day for yourself to simply relax. You enjoyed the atmosphere of the cafe and had become quickly acquainted with Louise due to how often you were there.

So when you noticed Louise stressing out after receiving what looked like a troubling phone call, you were understandably concerned. "Is everything okay?" You asked softly.

Louise shook her head as she put down her phone. "It's my mom."

"What happened?"

"She had a fall again."

"Oh, God. Is she okay?"

"They think so. An ambulance was called and she's in the hospital for scans. I can't leave her there but I can't take Michelle either. And with the hospital bills these days, I'd have to sell this place just to pay half!"

"Hey, it's okay." You quickly set down your mug and stood from your stool to walk over. "I'll help. Name anything, I'll do it."

Louise sighed. "Ellen, I couldn't ask you to do that."

"I'm offering. I know it can't be easy running this place and being a mom at the same time so please. I'll take care of MJ, I'll take over here for a bit, I'll even contribute with the bills. I don't want you struggling if I can help."

"You're too good for this world, you know that?"

"Trust me, I'm not. I'm just a good friend."

"I don't want to put you out."

"You wouldn't, I promise. Just go see your mom now and I'll cook for MJ when she finishes school. I'll bring Ned and Peter too."

Louise considered you for a moment before ultimately nodding. "Thank you, Ellen."

"Of course."

Louise smiled as she remembered particular moments such as that.

"She was too good." She said.

Dulce nodded in agreement and then looked to the swing set on the far side of the grounds where the kids were sitting. Ned and MJ were comforting Peter as he cried.

"Poor boy." She said. "I can't imagine how he feels. Losing his parents and then (Y/n)."

May looked over as well with a pained gaze. "He always wanted a sister. For days all we could hear was his crying. We never realized how much he loved her."

"What's happening to her apartment?" Nina asked. "I'm sure you have so many memories there. Will it be sold again after the clear out?"

"Honestly..." May hesitated and shook her head. "I don't know at the moment. I'll have to discuss it with Ben and the landlord. I don't think either of us has the heart to let it go."

"I understand. It can't be easy."

"No. Apparently (Y/n) has a lawyer she talked to about this. We'll see him too I hope."

On cue, Ben appeared. He had previously been talking to some of his friends from work and then Mr. Delmar before Foggy had approached him.

"Hi, honey." He said to May, kissing her cheek softly. "The lawyers are here to talk about (Y/n).”

She didn't reply but did take a very shaky breath and nodded to show she understood. Ben then called for Peter to come over as well.

"Are you sure?" She asked, nervous. "I don't think he's old enough to hear this."

"I know." He assured her. "It's just for a little while, in case she left something for him."

"We could just have the lawyers call us."

"They're here now so we might as well deal with it while we can. I'm sorry."

She sighed, then nodded again. "Okay. I guess so." Once Peter came over, they parted ways with Dulce, Nina, and Louise and joined Foggy who greeted them with a sheepish 'hi' and his condolences. He led them over to where a group of people stood.

"They're here." Agent Hill called.

Soon enough, the Parkers were officially introduced to Tony.

"This is May and Ben Parker." Hill explained. "And their nephew, Peter."

After simple greetings were exchanged, Matt also introduced himself.

"I know this is a hard and trying time and I'm sorry to have to discuss this now, but there are a series of requests that (Y/n) had if she were to die. There's an office inside the cathedral we can talk in."

Tony took a moment to let everything sink in. However, as he went to talk, he noticed Harley again. The boy looked as if he was trying to sneak away.

"Give me a minute." He told the others, disappearing instantly.

Harley seemed as if he was trying to hail down a taxi, and he was attempting to be subtle about it. It didn't work.

Tony crossed the cemetery grounds, his hands shoved in his pockets as he avoided the eyes of the onlookers. It was easier than having to force a smile or muster up yet another thanks for their condolences. Harley was still trying to catch the eye of a taxi driver as Tony stopped behind his old friend.

"Well, well, well." He spoke up, surprising the boy. "Hello again."

Harley froze in surprise and whirled around. "I'm not here."

(idk if he was 11 here so just pretend he is) Tony raised a brow. "Unless I've hit the blind age in the last minute, yeah, you are."

He looked down, not knowing what to say.

"I know what you're doing." Tony told him.

Harley seemed like he wanted to argue but ultimately backed away from the road as he raised his head again.

"Don't tell my mom." He mumbled.

Tony walked over, managing a small but genuine smile. It was one of the only few he could muster up that day. "And what would I not be telling her?" He teased.

"You know..." Harley trailed off for a moment. "That I snuck all the way to New York to go to a funeral."

"Alone?"

"Yeah. Alone."

"What are you now, like... Ten?"

Harley frowned. "Eleven and a half."

He sighed. "Jesus, kid."

Tony then glanced over to where everyone else was still waiting for him to return. He looked back at Harley.

"Stick around for a little bit, alright?" He asked. "We'll catch up later and you can tell me how that potato gun's going."

With a sad but subtle and excited smile, the boy nodded. "Okay."

"Good one. I'll see you later."

He put a hand on Harley's shoulder and gave it a light and comforting squeeze. Then he turned around and headed back to everyone else.

"Everything okay?" Pepper asked once he came back.

Tony nodded. "Yeah. Just an old friend."

"That boy?" Roberta questioned.

"Yeah, long story. Actually, can you keep an eye on him?"

"Of course, dear. What's his name?"

"Harley Keener." He nodded in thanks. "He's a good kid."

She smiled. "I'm sure he is."

As this took place, some others were having a discussion over another grave.

Fury's one.

Steve and Sam were reminiscing on the fall of the Triskelion and how the aftermath and cleanup was going.

"So, you've experienced this sort of thing before." The real Fury spoke up, appearing beside them.

"You get used to it." Steve confessed.

He nodded in agreement. "We've been data mining HYDRA's files. Looks like a lot of rats didn't go down with the ship. I'm headed to Europe tonight. I wanted to ask if you'd come."

He hesitated, still looking down at the grave. "There's something I gotta do first."

"How about you, Wilson? Could use a man with your abilities."

Sam also thought about it for a few moments. "I'm more of a soldier than a spy."

Again, Fury nodded, shaking both their hands. "Alright, then. Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me. Right here."

He motioned to the grave.

"You should be honored." Natasha spoke up, joining them. "That's about as close as he gets to saying thank you."

"Not going with him?" Steve asked.

"Nope."

"Not staying here?"

"Nah. I blew all my covers. Gotta go figure out a new one."

"That might take a while."

"I'm counting on it." She gave him a smile before showing a file she had tucked away in her jacket. "That thing you asked for. I called in a few favors from Kiev."

She handed Steve the file as the others watched. It was a very old collection of notes and personal entries from long ago, and, hopefully, it would allow him to find his long lost best friend.

"Will you do me a favor?" Natasha asked, causing him to look up. "Call that nurse."

Steve scoffed in amusement. "She's not a nurse."

"And you're not a SHIELD agent."

He looked down, knowing it was very true. "What was her name again?"

"Sharon. She's nice."

Then, with a loving smile, she kissed his cheek softly. Steve also smiled at the gesture before he looked down at the file in his hand again.

"Steve." Natasha said. "Be careful. You might not want to pull on that thread."

"You're going after him." Sam stated, noticing the file also.

"You don't have to come with me." Steve said.

"I know. When do we start?"

"Before you go-" Fury chimed in, drawing their attention. "You might wanna stay behind until after Stark is done with (Y/n)'s lawyer."

Steve looked at him, curious. "Why?"

"Because she didn't just leave something to her father, she left something to the whole team as well."

They each shared a look.

"Now I best be off." Fury continued. "I think you should tell the others."

"We will." Natasha said.

In the private office inside the cathedral, your last will and testament was finally being told.

Tony, Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey were sitting on one side of a table with the Parkers on the other side and Matt and Foggy at the head of it.

Hill was waiting outside with Roberta and Harley. "Now that we're all here..." Matt began. "Mr. Stark, (Y/n) wanted you to know that the Parkers were the family she was assigned to watch over. She always spoke fondly and said family comes in all forms and that you're always allowed more than just one in your life. She thought of both of you as her family."

Tony watched the Parkers curiously, thinking back on seeing them earlier. He had suspected right from the start that it could have been them solely because they were some of the most heartbroken looking people in attendance.

He looked at the boy again. Peter.

He was shy and nervous, hiding behind his aunt and uncle and only occasionally peering out at everyone else.

"(Y/n) also told me that she didn't want Peter to sit through this longer than he needed to." Matt added. "She was worried he was a bit young for it all."

May nodded in understanding. "She left something for him in particular then?"

"Yes, she did."

He nodded to Foggy who took a small and square neatly-wrapped box from his bag. With a friendly smile he offered the gift to Peter.

"It's okay." Ben told him, encouraging his nephew to accept it. "It's a present from (Y/n)."

Everyone watched curiously as Peter gingerly took the box into his own hands.

"What is it?" He mumbled.

"(Y/n) said it was something you always wanted." Foggy explained. "It took her a while to configure but she said it would be worth it to make you happy."

Peter sniffled as he found a part of the wrapped box to tear. He was careful, as if handling glass, and hesitated with each movement until finally he could open it.

Inside, on a velvet cushion, was a watch.

It looked fancy, the color scheme black and red, with a shining face that gleamed in the light. Peter stared long and hard as his bottom lip trembled.

The others waited with bated breath for him to tenderly place the watch around his wrist. His hands trembled too much for him to do the strap and so Ben helped him with it. Then, as it was secured around Peter's arm, the face of the watch began to glow.

(Just ignore the Hairy arm) A pale blue hologram shot up from the face of the watch, catching everyone with the glow. Much to their surprise, a female voice came from the hologram.

"Hello, Peter Parker. My name is Karen. I am the natural-language user interface created by Ellen Campbell, otherwise known as Miss (Y/n) Stark. I was designed to work alongside and aid you in your everyday duties."

Peter gasped in surprise alongside May.

"W-What is that?" She questioned. "I don't... What's a user interface?"

"It's... Some kind of hologram?" Foggy guessed, not knowing what it was either. "A video?"

"An AI." Tony stated, gazing at 'Karen' in genuine awe. "She made her own AI. That's... Amazing."

It was over a year ago now that Peter had discovered who you really were.

He had been dropped off at the apartment building by Ned's moms after school and was heading straight to your place since May and Ben were attending a party at the hospital May worked at. It was adults only so you had volunteered to watch over him immediately, and it wasn't like he was ever going to say no to an evening with his honorary big sister.

When you didn't answer the door right away he simply found the spare key and let himself in since he knew where it was.

"Ellen?" He called out.

The apartment was silent.

He frowned and dropped his bag, continuing to call out your name for a minute before finally someone responded. Only, it wasn't you. It was another voice entirely.

"Good evening, Peter." The voice didn't seem to have a source. "I am glad you got to Miss (Y/n) Stark's residence safely."

Peter stared with bulging eyes as he spun around wildly in an attempt to locate a person.

"W-Where are you?" He asked fearfully. "How do you know Ellen's name?"

"Forgive me, Peter. I did not mean to scare you. My name is FRIDAY. Miss created me to be her artificial intelligence service."

"What? That means... Ellen... Made you?"

"She did."

After this processed, he calmed a little, reassured by the explanation. After all, something made by you wouldn't hurt him.

"Are you alright?" FRIDAY asked. "You appear to have elevated breathing and heart spikes."

Peter found himself staring at the ceiling as he talked. "I'm okay. It's just really cool."

"Me?"

"Yeah! I mean, (Y/n) - Ellen - she has her own AI?"

"Miss is very talented."

"She's awesome!" He grinned. "How did she do it? Do you have a code? Are you portable or just for the apartment? How long did it take?"

"I am sure Miss Stark will explain everything." She replied.

"Oh! Yeah. Sorry. Where is she, by the way?"

"I am afraid she is stuck in traffic. She said, and I quote, 'This goddamn traffic is killing me. Get your douche canoe out of my lane before I kick your ass into next year, you twit-womble.'"

Peter burst out into giggles at that. Not only because it was definitely a thing you'd say, but because the flat tone of FRIDAY's voice somehow made it even funnier.

"A delay of fifty-two minutes is expected." She added.

Peter composed himself, but was admittedly dejected because of the update. It would be boring without you.

"Did she say anything else?" He asked.

"Miss did mention she would bring your favorite pizza and finish the keyboard project to make up for her delay."

He smiled at that.

He then proceeded to spend the next hour of waiting chatting away to FRIDAY and asking all sorts of questions as he worked on his homework for the weekend.

As soon as he heard the lock click he sprung to his feet with a toothy grin plastered on his face.

"Ellen!"

You barely had time to close the door behind you before he barrelled into you at top speed with a tight hug. You couldn't help but laugh, holding a warm pizza box in one hand and your work bag in the other.

"Hey, kiddo." You chuckled, dropping the work bag on the floor so you could ruffle his hair. "How've you been?"

"Alive." Peter shrugged. "I really missed you, though."

"I missed you too, Pete."

He stepped back and noticed the pizza, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. You playfully rolled your eyes and handed him the box which was thrown open in seconds.

"Am I forgiven?" You asked with a laugh.

Peter, already with a mouthful, nodded enthusiastically. "Always!"

You smiled and sat next to him on the couch. "Sorry about the traffic. Things were hectic."

"I get it. Too many douche canoes out there, huh?"

Your eyes widened. "What?"

He smirked. "I got your voice message from FRIDAY."

"Oh... Oh! Right, uh... Don't tell your aunt and uncle. I'm on thin ice after the pool incident."

"I promise. As long as I get free pizza for life."

"Sure thing. Anything for you." You relaxed in the seat. "So you met FRIDAY?"

He nodded. "She's super cool. She said you created her years ago."

"I did."

"No way! How?"

"Weeks of insomnia, rock music classics, and a whole lotta free time."

"Can you make me one?"

You playfully shrugged. "I don't know."

He pouted, putting the pizza box down to grab your arm with both hands.

"Please." He begged, shaking your arm several times. "I'll be so good! I'll clean the apartment, I'll bake you cookies, I'll make you something too! Anything!"

You laughed as he started listing all the possible chores he could think of.

"Relax, child." You said. "I'll see what I can do."

His entire face lit up.

"Thank you!" He threw himself at you in another hug. "I love you so much, Ellen!"

You held him close and kissed the top of his head. "I love you too, Pete."

"Miss Stark wanted me to assist you with whatever you may require." Karen explained.

Peter, shaken from the memory, tried desperately not to start crying again. He couldn't believe that even after all you dealt with in your life, both as Ellen and as (Y/n), that you still found the time to make him something he asked for over a year ago. He wished he could thank you in person.

"I hope we can be friends." He said after mustering the courage to talk again.

"I'm sure we will." She replied. "Miss Stark made sure we were compatible as friends were she to have to leave."

It was horrible to have to see such a young kid mourn the loss of someone who clearly meant the world to him. It was hitting Tony particularly hard. He didn't even know the kid and yet the thought of you making such an important gift for him just showed how much you loved Peter. Because of this, he couldn't help but feel as if he had to know him, to understand what it was like being so close to you.

If this was just the first gift, he couldn't help but wonder what else lay in store.

A little while later, Peter had been sent out of the room to stay with Roberta and the others while the rest of the will was read and the mementos given out.

"(Y/n) left a message." Matt explained near the end. "In the case of her death she wanted to leave something personal, to tell her family what we can't."

Foggy had placed a laptop on the table by now and positioned it so everyone could see. Right away the screen showed an image of you sitting in a very big and comfy looking chair with a warm smile.

The mixed feelings could be seen all over in the room. Tony reached for Pepper's hand, scared to hear your voice again, to hear what you had to say to him.

"Everyone ready?" Foggy asked.

A few more mixed looks were exchanged but ultimately each person nodded. With this permission, he pressed play.

"Hi, everyone." You greeted.

Immediately the nerves could be heard in your tone. You were scared, or worried, yet it was clear you wanted to appear casual and collected.

"This must be weird, huh? I'm pretty sure you'll only see this if I, uh... Well, if I kick the bucket." You paused, yet forced out another smile. "I mean, that's the plan anyway. If I do happen to be on the highway to hell or stairway to heaven, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're probably sitting there watching this as part of the will I'm writing. Who's shocked, really? After all, us Starks don't tend to get a long life span."

There were sad smiles around the room as you attempted the joke.

"I'm alive for now, at least. I hired lawyers ahead of time because... I don't really know... Just because. I want everything planned. After all, who knows how they're going to die? I could try the cool thing and sacrifice myself. I could be in a car accident. I could even slip on the stairs. You just never know until it's time. Maybe the threat from all those years ago will finally follow through and I'll be assassinated." You tried to smile again but it didn't work that time. "Sorry to keep joking. I think that's another Stark thing. Humor to protect against fear."

You sighed, taking a slow breath.

"I am scared, I won't lie. But not of death. I'm scared to lose you. Dad, Pepper, Happy, Uncle Rhodey... Ben, May, and Peter. You've all changed my life in some way and I think in the end I'm better off for it. I'm glad my two families get to meet each other. I'm sorry that Peter can't stay for this but he's just a kid and I can't put him through this kind of thing again. He's suffered enough. I hope he likes Karen."

There was a silence.

"Uncle Ben, Aunt May." You closed your eyes for a moment. "I love you both so much. I'm leaving you my SHIELD salary. All I saved up, it's yours. Every 60k note."

The couple were shocked and shared a stunned look. Tony and the others were also quite surprised, mostly because of how generous it was and just how much it was to give away.

"Of course she did." May whispered.

"We can't." Ben said. "We can't take that."

As if you were actually in the room, you began talking again.

"I know, I know." You chuckled. "I know you're going to say you can't take it or it's too much or something like that. But please, for me. You're amazing people and I want you to have it, and I want Peter to have it. Send him to MIT. It's where he's always wanted to go. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you who I was, May."

You sighed.

"There's a lot of reasons, but mostly because I wanted to protect you. You loved me like a mother and I was so scared I'd lose you if you knew the truth. Fury also made the call, and I respected it. You didn't ask, so I didn't tell. I'm so sorry. I'm glad we had some good times, though. Cooking dinner for Ben and Peter was always my favorite thing to do with you. And thank you, Ben, for knowing who I am and keeping my secret. I can never thank you enough for everything you did for me. You might have been ordered to accept me, but I like to think I was genuinely loveable"

Ben and May both smiled sadly. Then there was a pause, and you looked down at the ground.

"Thanks for letting me look after Peter, by the way. I know it can't have been easy letting a stranger into your lives and trusting me with your nephew, but you did. I was vulnerable back then and I guess part of me still is with everything that's happening, but your family was the best gift I ever got. I'm just a normal person with you, and that's a feeling I love."

By the end of the dedication, May could feel tears brimming her eyes. She turned to her husband and leaned into his embrace as Ben watched the rest of the video sadly. Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy watched the Parkers both with curiosity and gratitude. They had each missed you dearly but knowing you were so looked after by loving people was a kind of solace for them.

Tony couldn't say the same. He was also grateful, that much was true, but he couldn't help but feel jealous. He was supposed to protect you, you weren't supposed to be forced into the care of strangers. Still, he was hoping he could talk to them after everything to see if they could help him understand what you were like.

"Now comes the real tear-jerker." You spoke up again, drawing everyone's attention back to the video. "Pepper, Happy, Rhodey... And Dad. I have so much to say but no one to hear it and that's the worst part of all this hiding. Still, talking to a camera is easy compared to everything else, I gotta admit. It's been so many years now... Six, I think? I've lost count. The days all sort of merge into one eventually. But the least you deserve to know is that I never stopped missing everyone. Every day I thought about you and what could happen if I came back. I just... I never found the will to make it happen."

You looked up again and your eyes sparkled with emotion. You spoke so softly that your voice was almost incomprehensible.

"Uncle Rhodey... You were my best friend growing up. You and Mama Rhodes were just... Amazing. Incredible. Thanks for looking out for me, from dropping me off on the first day of school and picking me up on the last, even though you had all those military duties going on. You're a good guy, and you deserve something pretty damn awesome for everything you did. So I'm leaving you my car."

You finally managed another smile.

"I hope it's still around when I'm gone, anyway. I don't know if it'll survive and I guess that would make this pretty disappointing, huh? But no, it's a good car. Reliable. I've got faith it's still going strong. Agent Coulson actually gave it to me on my 18th birthday. Look after it, alright? And, spoilers, it can fly." You dramatically paused, grinning a little. "Was that gasps of awe I just heard? It's true, though. Trust me on that. So, yeah, pretty cool. Thanks for everything, Rhodey."

Tony and Pepper shared a look. Not only were you a celebrated engineer and SHIELD confidant, you also had a flying car? What else had happened while you were on the run?

Rhodey was trying his hardest not to let tears fall. He couldn't speak, and, even if it was just a recording, he nodded to the screen in promise to look after the car.

"Happy, you're next." You then said, jokingly adding a haunting tone to your voice. "Although you were there for my dad, you also never wavered from protecting me too. Thanks for that. When my dad was busy with work stuff or other people couldn't make it, you looked after me. I also want to say thanks for not telling anyone about my hospital visit. It's okay now because everyone knows the truth, but you made good on the promise and I appreciate it. So don't beat yourself up or think my death is your fault in any way because I swear it isn't."

Your smile slowly dropped and you became more serious.

"Keep on living, Happy. Protect my dad, protect Pepper, and look out for yourself as well, okay? That's important. Don't retire, though. I can totally imagine you still kicking ass when you're one hundred. Maybe find a girlfriend, though. You're my family and I want you happy, just like your name. Promise me that." Happy looked down at his hands, thinking on your words carefully. Was it okay to feel relief that you really didn't blame him for anything? Was it okay to feel some margin of peace knowing you could never feel animosity towards him for keeping quiet? He did crack a smile thinking about how you wanted him to get a girlfriend, though.

"Pepper." You said, moving on. "I don't have words. I miss you so much. So much. Whether you intended it or not, you were the mom I never got. You looked after me like one and I'll never forget it. I think that when I get sad I'm reminded of our happiest moments, like you comforting me after I saw my first sad movie, or you putting up my first A+ grade on the wall. I'm proud that you're CEO now, and that you've got a good relationship going with my dad. I'm rooting for you."

There was a pause.

"I'm gonna leave my apartment to you." You explained. "I've lived there for years now, and it's got a ton of memories that I don't want being lost. I've known you my entire life and I think you're the only one who's going to keep it homey and clean. You and Dad can go there for days off or something, I don't know. You can spend time with Ben and May and Peter if you like, I'm sure you'll like each other. As for the furniture and clothes and stuff, you can donate it all or keep some or whatever you like. I trust you to do what you think is right. Thanks again for being the mom I always wanted."

Pepper closed her eyes, being the only one unafraid to show her tears. She held Tony's hand as she cried and did the same as Rhodey, nodding to the laptop screen as if you were really there. Even if she had all the money in the world and all the material objects she wished for, she would never turn down that apartment. She would look after it with everything she had.

You took a long breath and Tony knew it was now his turn. He wasn't prepared at all and squeezed Pepper's hand for both preparation and comfort.

"Dad." You said.

Your own voice trembled.

"We didn't get the best start, I know. Whether you were too busy or I was too much, I'm not sure. But I'm older and... Sort of mature enough to think better of it all. I grew up angry and alone despite having everyone I needed right there in front of me. I could see everyone, but I was still blind to it. That's on me." You paused to take a shaky breath. "I wish I was different. Maybe we could've got a better start if I tried harder or tried less to get your attention? I don't know. Maybe nothing would change at all."

You sighed.

"Still, I hope I can see you again without the fear of being killed or losing you. There's been times where I've seen you, you know? On the streets, on the news, times where all it took was a reach and we could meet each other again. But I was scared. I've left something for everyone, and now it's your turn. I hope it's a good one. For one, you get my apartment with Pepper."

Tony nodded once to himself, glad but also sad that he was included at least. Even after your last goodbye, he couldn't help thinking you still hated him. Yet knowing you loved him throughout it all hurt, too.

"You also get something else." You added. "Before I lived in the apartment, I had somewhere else that I called home. Even after I joined SHIELD and moved into the city, I kept the place as my own vacation hole. I'm leaving this place to you and the Avengers. It's big enough to serve as a base or just an intelligence building or whatever you want to do with it. Fury and Hill know about it. If they're still around, they'll show you I hope. Keep an eye on it."

You gave them all one final pause.

"Thank you. Everyone. I hope I can have some shred of forgiveness for hiding this whole time. Thanks for everything. I love you.”

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hellomynameisbisexual · 1 year

Text

“I’m not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it’s just a layover on the way to Gaytown,” Carrie Bradshaw famously said in the offensive, misinformed 1998 episode of Sex and the City in which she dates a bisexual man. These words are still painfully seared into my brain. How could a sex columnist, a character written predominantly by gay men, have such a limited view of queer identity? Nearly ten years later, a 2016 episode of HBO dramedy Insecure sees Molly (Yvonne Orji) finding out that the man she’s seeing, Jared, nonchalantly had a sexual encounter with another man. After exposing her biphobia to her friends, another character declares Jared to be gay. Ultimately, Molly and Carrie both decide, despite the chemistry and their attraction, that they could not get past their own compulsory monosexuality to continue dating a bisexual man. Why does television, a medium primed for long-form character development and storytelling, continuously fail at representing bisexual men?

Twenty-five years after that infamous Sex and the City scene, bisexuality (for the purposes of this piece, I am using bisexuality as a term that encompasses all people with the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender, including those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, and more) on television has made significant strides—from young-adult programming like Euphoria, Riverdale, and Gossip Girl, to adult dramas like Game of Thrones, The Magicians, and obviously, The Bisexual. Bisexuality is no longer relegated to a very-special episode, and is slowly leaving the realm of bad, misinformed jokes. According to GLAAD’s 2021-2022 Where We Are on TV report, queer representation on television is at an all-time high. After two consecutive years of decreases, bisexual representation increased by one percent over last year: nine non-binary characters, 124 women, and sadly, only 50 men. Fifty may seem like a solid number at the outset, but consider the quality of these representations. Aside from a few stand-out examples, like Nick Nelson (Kit Connor) on Netflix’s much-loved Heartstopper, many are relegated to supporting and recurring characters, at best, and stuck in tropes, at worst.

Maria San Filippo is an associate professor at Emerson College whose research focuses on screen media’s intersections with gender and sexuality. In 2013, she published The B Word: Bisexuality in Contemporary Film and Television, a pathbreaking monograph on the state of bisexual representation in both mediums. “Bisexuality was only beginning to be central and recurring, rather than peripheral and episodically one-off or short-lived,” she said over email. “Bisexuality’s representational legibility has been expanded; it’s less easily deniable as ‘just a phase’ when bisexuality becomes an ongoing character trait.”

Broadly speaking, on-screen storytelling has struggled to construct bisexuality in ways that reach beyond the word landing at the butt of jokes or framed through the lens of disgust and abjection. Nowhere does it fail bisexuals more than television, a site of endless discursive possibilities. Television’s long-form narrative offers unique opportunities to watch sexuality unfold over time, but rather than exploring and showcasing every permutation of bisexuality, bi men on television are far and few between.

“Bi+ male representation has always been the biggest challenge,” San Filippo said. “Bisexuality threatens heteropatriarchy and phallic authority, and so must be hidden or, if acknowledged, desexualized and disparaged through mockery or else hypersexualized as in porn (and even then bisexuality is rebranded as ‘gay for pay’).” She said it’s not unlike the uncommon sight of male frontal nudity on screen, which she explores in her 2021 book, Provocauteurs and Provocations. “Dan Levy’s character David on Schitt’s Creek is one high-profile example of recurring, more nuanced male bi+ representation,” she said. “We need more.”

The phallic authority, as San Filippo calls it, is not as threatened when it comes to the representation of bisexual women characters, who were more than double as numerous in the 2021-2022 television season. Nate Shu, a bisexual comedian based in Boston who spoke with me over Zoom, suggests that feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey’s work on patriarchal ideologies in film still applies here. Mulvey’s seminal 1975 essay, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema,” uses a psychoanalytic lens to look at the way women have been depicted in film primarily for the pleasure of the male viewer. She coined this theory the male gaze.

“Lesbian and bisexual characters are more attainable when they’re female because there’s something for male viewers to hold on to,” he said. “A bisexual woman is still an attainable woman to a straight man, whereas a bisexual man is both a threat and an anomaly.”

These conventions are sewn into the fabric of on-screen storytelling, a part of the canon of cinema that queer storytellers are working hard to reform. But despite this hard work, bisexual stories are still too-often made palatable to viewers through a handful of storytelling tropes: the coming out story, reasserting the status quo of a relationship or identity, or hinting at a character’s dishonesty or shiftiness (it pains me to bring it up, but Frank Underwood on House of Cards is a great example here).

The CW’s 2015 musical-dramedy Crazy Ex-Girlfriend showcased one of the more fleshed-out bisexual men on television, Darryl Whitefeather, played by Peter Gardner. His unapologetic musical sequence on how he’s “Gettin’ Bi” was an audacious and refreshing moment for a middle-aged character embracing his sexuality—despite his entire storyline being framed around coming out. We tend to see these coming out narratives again and again, to the point where it begins to feel like viewer manipulation. The coming out scene will only lead to the catharsis of Heartbreaker-level tears if it feels earned through a character’s arc of self-suppression and pain. However, the gay blueprint has already been established, and thus the coming out story is relatable and palatable, rather than depicting a character already living their truth.

Shu, who identifies as bisexual and biracial for the sake of alliteration in his comedy (as opposed to pansexual, a term to which he more closely relates), asked me poignant questions: “What is queer representation? Having a character make an off-hand comment and it’s never acknowledged—that is a queer character, but it’s not a queer story.” His ideal bisexual representation allows characters to be authentic people living outside of constructed narratives that are more viewer-friendly like the coming out story. He could only name one example of an Asian bisexual character on television that he felt somewhat seen through—Magnus Bane, played by Harry Shum Jr. on the Freeform supernatural drama Shadowhunters. “It’s tough to get out of the boxes of what culture, film, and TV have defined for decades,” Shu said.

Marvel has been a site of critique around its inability to flesh out queer characters in an authentic way, awkwardly suggesting that all superheroes are heterosexual. The 2021 Disney+ series Loki made headlines for a 20-second scene where the titular character confirms his bisexuality after admitting he has been with princesses and princes in his past. This kind of casual bisexuality has become more commonplace in the streaming era, to the point of forgettability: Bill Pargrave on Killing Eve, playing Eve’s MI5 boss until he was eventually stabbed by murderess Villanelle, also identified as bisexual in a passing conversation. Other examples include Joe MacMillan (Lee Pace) on Halt and Catch Fire and the titular character (Tom Ellis) on Lucifer. Does the off-hand knowledge of a character’s sexual fluidity, without an in-depth exploration of his sexuality, qualify as queer representation? Perhaps a better question would be, does it make bisexual viewers feel seen and understood, and add to monosexual viewers’ understanding and empathy of bisexuality?

At the end of October 2022, Kit Connor came out as bisexual in a bitter tweet after months of being hounded and online bullied by Netflix Heartstopper fans, some of whom accused Connor of queerbaiting for playing a bisexual character. The fall-out made me wonder why any actor, let alone a bisexual actor who may still be processing or figuring out his sexuality, would want to play a bisexual character in the social media age. “I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye,” his tweet read.

Not to center myself in the discourse, but I can’t help but wonder how a more thorough cultural understanding of bisexuality would impact my own dating life as a gay man, what the dating pool might look like if there was a more rigorous acceptance and visibility of bisexuality and fewer “discreet” men refusing to send you photos of their faces on dating apps with fear of being outed in their real life. The latest 2021 Census data coming out of the United Kingdom suggests there are currently nearly as many bisexual-identifying individuals as gay and lesbian survey respondents combined. These numbers feel hopeful, to me. Previous generations grew up dissatisfied by the range of representation on television, leading to iconic shows like Pose that shifted the course of television at the intersections of queerness and race. I can only imagine what the landscape will look like in 10, 20 years as the bisexual-identifying Gen Zs—the queerest generation yet—make their way into creative fields. We’ll have to watch and find out.

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