#i mean it's great for my art i've learned i can make some incredible pieces while sleep deprived however

[asublimehimbo]

got my paintbox out last night, stayed up late and wrecked this place//more lawrence griefposting

#this was incredibly inspired in eevery way possible by in memory of satan #didn't want to put it on my tmg blog but might rb it to there in the morning #jesus i really really need to stop doing this thing where i stay up until midnight making art #i mean it's great for my art i've learned i can make some incredible pieces while sleep deprived however #i woud like to not be sleep deprvied #fanart #my art #artists on tumblr #saw 2004 #lawrence gordon #chainshipping #in memory of satan #tmg #the mountain goats #john darnielle #tw blood

[system-of-a-feather]

On Anger, Trauma and Recovery

I just got done piecing together a clearer image of an issue I've been struggling to paint a complete picture of and therapy had me talking about my relationship and shit with emotions and it got me thinking now about my relationship with my specific longest term and old favorite emotion - anger / annoyance and here is the thing about it.

Anger is not inherently evil, bad, or destructive. It's actually incredibly productive when handled right and it stems from a sense of self love / love and the knowledge that you or the thing you are angry for deserve better than what is being given; that something feels unfair and needs aren't being met and the feeling of anger is the driving force to right those wrongs. It is inherently a defensive and healing function and feeling, so it is incredibly important to not only accept and embrace your anger, but to hear it out entirely.

The issue with anger that then comes though is that often - when people are disordered or traumatized - a lot of the time this anger is un-honed, un-polished, directed openly, and handled with limited depth, internal personal understanding, and and insight to exactly what the anger is, where it is coming from, and why it is appearing the way it does. And that isn't to shun or say anyone is 'less than or bad' - anger is one of the most intense emotions for a lot of people and considering it is a back up response to feeling imposed upon, threatened, or taken advantage of it is very very easy to get caught up in a fight-flight that makes it hard to sit down and clearly listen to your anger. It's a hard skill to learn, and one I've been developing for a while.

But great strength, power, and maturity comes from being able to learn to not only hold, embrace, and take pride in your anger, but to also listen deeply to it, understand what it is trying to tell you, and polishing that anger into a blade to carve out the life you and those you care about deserve.

And so this might not apply to everyone because these are some notes from my own personal journey and effort in learning to understand how to listen to my anger better (and in this case, I mean literally MY anger, but it can apply to your local 'angry' part). I'm mainly sharing this cause I don't think I've seen any good posts or resources on a more structured way to approach anger that didn't sound like "uwu your anger is valid uwu" which I think turns off so many "angry" people / parts

Step 1: Learn to become aware and notice when and why you are angry; then learn to become okay with sitting with that anger and postponing the urge to do anything in the immediate response to it. Just sit with it and feel it, interact with it, think about it - but don't do anything to 'solve' the anger.

Tips: Try to find something that you can non-verbally and/or independently express through - music, art, venting to your pet, even exercise / martial arts if you can maintain connection with your anger. These sorts of things can help ease the urge to have to do something about it that tends to limit and end the "listening" portion and impedes in deeper understanding to it

Step 2: Once comfortable with sitting with anger, when you notice your anger, try to find a way to set some time aside to comfortably interact with yourself on the topic that makes you angry. Get some music that helps you think to yourself in a more open ended free flowing manner, lay down on a comfy bed, get some tea, set the vibes well and look the anger 'in the eyes' so to say and ask away.

Tips: Ask yourself why does [thing] make you mad? What is wrong with it? What do you feel like is unfair and needs to be changed? What need is being ignored / not met? Who / what is not being heard? What exactly is your anger upset about? Try to polish away the specific names and people of the immediate situation and try to understand the core fundamental needs of yourself. Is something about the situation making you feel not seen? Do you feel like your needs are going unnoticed? Do you feel like you are not being included? Do you not feel like you were given a fair chance? Why is this situation triggering such a feeling? Does this stem from a feeling in the past? Try to understand the deep connections threads that come together to make you feel this way.

Step 3: Once you get a feeling that you understand where this anger comes from (often in my experience it clicks with a but of an "ah, okay" feeling) resurvey your current situation. Compare your findings of what the meat of your anger is and what it wants changed to what your situation is. See then where you can best give your anger what it needs and what it wants to start to right the wrongs that it is feeling in a compassionate way to your anger / yourself. You may not be able to go to the extent that you wish, but the very least you can start to give your anger what it needs to be as intense and as aggressive.

Your anger doesn't deserve to have to be so loudly angry just to be heard.

Your anger should be able to show itself to you and for you to be able to hear it out and meet it's needs.

As a general skill of this is built anger doesn't leave and it doesn't become less present - because anger is important, anger is your friend and it's kept you alive and motivated you to love and stand up for yourself - but the built better relationship and ability to listen to said anger in a compassionate manner can become incredibly productive both in healing yourself and minimizing the damage of "anger issues", but also in fixing the environment around you that may be worsening your mental health and overall quality of life.

#alter: xiv #anger issues #anger #emotional regulation #healing #recovery #bpd #c-ptsd #ptsd #did #actuallydid #aspd #npd #ocpd #mental health #mental health recovery

[animehouse-moe]

Ousama Ranking Season 2 Episode 5: The Law of The Underworld | A White Horse In Love | The Gentle Soldier, Hokuro

So I heard you wanted to put filler in your anime? Well, Ousama Ranking is effectively the gold standard for filler. Sorry, I don't make the rules. I just know something's good when I see it. Contextualizing previous events, exploring characters in more detail and where they find their starts and how they wormed their way into the story, and just plain dumb fun. This new season/OVA of Ousama Ranking does it all and then some, putting to shame entire series.

First thing's first though, this episode is more like two parts plus an interlude, if that makes sense. It's a piece about Ouken and the Underworld, followed by a brief break with Despa's horse Hakuo, and then followed about with Hokuro's story.

Let's go in order though, at least, meaning we'll start with the story of Ouken. This one was rather surprising, I wouldn't say it's simple but is has a strong beat to how the story's approached, and I'd say I definitely like it. Risking your life to find an answer to a curse is a brave thing to do, and I think they framed it well enough. It doesn't come off too preachy or out of touch with the core of Ousama Ranking, but stretches it just enough to get something different yet believable out of it.

In terms of what I didn't expect from this story, was that we find out just how Despa comes into contact with the people that he uses to test Bojji. A really interesting little detail that just serves to help flesh out that side of things, taking the opportunity to explain details and provide exposition on things they might not have otherwise been able to. Just feels like the perfect example of good filler in that regard, as it's telling its own story while weaving pieces of the main story into it.

Past that, I don't really think there's much else to say about this part of the episode. Well done, very well animated and storyboard, and enjoyable to watch. Though not as enjoyable as the Hakuo interlude.

This part was just pure comedy, and I loved every second of it. That's all there is to it, funny humor that gives viewers a break during the episode and runs with the freedom that filler/OVA gives teams.

And last but not least, Hokuro. Man, I really really liked this one. It's a great little story to show just how much Hokuro likes Bojji, and the impact he made on his life at a low point. It's incredibly endearing and heartwarming, and goes really far to show just how dedicated Hokuro is to Bojji.

Whether it's through learning sign language so he can talk with him, or becoming a soldier just so he can work in the same castle that Bojji lives in, or even putting his life on the line for the little prince when nobody else would. His character shows so much dedication and passion that Bojji was able to bring him.

And, of course, WIT goes all out for the episode once more. Creative and full of life and style, and the environment art continues to be absolutely stunning. Really, I'm going to run out of praise before this season ends. There's just too much good about each episode, so I've exhausted my vocabulary explaining them, and well, they're not massively important or big story developments, so there's not a world of stuff to talk about with them. Just an outstanding continuation for Ousama Ranking all around.

#ranking of kings #ranking of kings: the treasure chest of courage #ousama ranking #ousama ranking: yuuki no takarabako #ousama ranking bojji #王様ランキング #王様ランキング 勇気の宝箱 #prince bojji #despa #hokuro #wit studio #anime recommendation #anime review #anime and manga #anime

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Hi Rebecca! I'm a recent(ish) graduated student interested in pursuing a career (or any other form of involvement) in environmental education. I was curious how you built your writing portfolio, especially writing for other sites/organizations? What first steps would recommend someone take (particularly if they're already graduated) to get into environmental education and scicomm? Thanks so much, love all your writing!!

Hi there, @misopossum! So I am a pretty atypical case. I have a BA in English, but I mainly used it for technical writing/editing (and personal journaling) for a number of years.

Most of the scicomm folks I know are either A) scientists who also have good writing and interpretation chops, or B) are science journalists who went through a formal journalism program in college/grad school. You haven't mentioned what your area of study was, but your department may have some resources to draw on if you haven't already spoken with them. Check with related departments as well, as they may have ideas too. You're a recent grad, but that doesn't mean that you can't still make use of those connections if they exist.

If you want to go a more traditional scicomm route, good places to start are The Open Notebook and the National Association of Science Writers. ScienceBites may be a good spot for you to start pitching a short article here and there to build up your portfolio, too. And this article from CrossTalk is a pretty good summary on how to get started with science writing.

Other people get involved with environmental education programs like forest schools, summer camps, and the like; some conservation nonprofits also may run these, and you can even check with state and federal parks, National Wildlife Refuges, and other governmental entities who may be in need of volunteers (or occasionally seasonal staff) for environmental ed programs.

You didn't mention where you are, but here in the PNW US there are a lot of these, especially in the Portland and Seattle areas. Depending on what your education level is you may not find the pay to be what you expected, and a lot of these programs are primarily in summertime. But if you can at least get in as a side gig, that will get some experience started.

A lot of what I do is meant for a general audience and not just specific to one locality. I do a lot of blogging online, to include articles on my website, plus some shorter form commentary on various news articles I find online that I think are worth exploring, and I have my quarterly chapbooks that let me dive deeper into various topics. These get me a pretty broad audience, beyond just my local area.

But I really got my start as a nature writer several years ago by writing pieces for the nonprofit Friends of Willapa National Wildlife Refuge, from Facebook posts to 2-3 minute radio segments for their Willapa Nature Notes segment on our local public radio station. I've also helped with other scicomm efforts they've run, from our 4th grade environmental education program in local schools, to giving talks and tours at our annual Wings Over Willapa birding and nature festival. And later this track record helped me get in as a regular columnist with the Coast Weekend paper (and occasionally a longer piece for related publications.) These are all incredibly local to where I am in the Columbia-Pacific region, but they've been good experience and they've helped me get my footing in my local community, which has helped me to facilitate other regional efforts like my independent guided tours.

I think the best choice I made overall was teaching non-credit community education classes through various community colleges, as well as municipal parks and recreation departments and libraries. It's a great way to connect with people who aren't pursuing a degree, but just learning for the fun of it. You do need some credentials of some sort, but expertise counts if you can show that you know your stuff--for example, the people teaching art classes don't all have art degrees, but they may have X number of decades' experience in their art medium. I don't have a degree in the natural sciences because my math skills are terrible, but I am a certified Oregon Master Naturalist and I also have a lifetime of experience of exploring nature and learning how to identify the living beings around me. It doesn't pay a lot, but it's a lot of fun and I get to meet a lot of new students every semester.

Be aware that people like me who take a more unorthodox route usually end up doing like eight different things for a living, rather than having one (1) career path. If you are going to do more of a "professional potpourri" like I am, you're going to need to seek out multiple niches, and perhaps create a few yourself. You're likely going to be very busy, and there's not going to be a lot of payoff immediately (as opposed to a regular job, where you start at a particular rate immediately and hopefully gets raises as things go along.)

On the bright side, having multiple professional directions means that if one of them isn't really active, I can often put more time toward another to make up for it. For example, I'd like to expand to writing for more varied venues that aren't just based in the PNW; it's just a matter of making the time to prep some cold pitches to publications and websites. This time of year I'm really busy with the tours business, so writing tends to be emphasized more in the off season. And either way you slice it, I'm still very much in the "building" process.

Aaaaanyway. That is my very long, rambling answer to your question. Please feel free to let me know if I can clarify anything for you, or if you have further questions.

#misopossum #science #science communication #SciComm #science writing #writing #writer #nonfiction #writers on Tumblr

[aceofwhump]

1, 6, 9, 10?

Thanks for the ask!!!

What was your favorite whump gif that you made this year?

Just answered this one here :D But because I can I'm going to share another favorite gifset of mine from this year. I really love all of the David Tennant filmography whump I made this year but this one from the movie The Outsider is one of my favorites. https://aceofwhump.tumblr.com/post/734215700786348032/the-outsider-2002-the-fever-has-settled-in

It's got some of my favorite whump and coloring this scene was a challenge but i love how it came out. I could stare at that shivering forever.

6. Can you tell us about any funny or unexpected moments that happened while making whump gifs?

This one is so interesting. Let me think. Funny or unexpected. Ummm. Well one of the things I love about giffing is that I can look at a whump scene literally frame by frame and sometimes I'll see things that I didn't notice before. Like when I was making this set from The Witcher I couldn't stop looking at Joey Batey's incredibly on the verge of tears acting and seeing it frame by frame was so intriguing I ended up making another gifset focusing on that alone and made this one. I love when that happens. When you find another gifset idea within a gifset you're already working on. That's always unexpected and I love it.

9. Are there any upcoming projects or goals you have in mind for next year in regards to whump gifs?

Yes!!! So many. I have a very long list of whump scenes I've always wanted to gif but haven't yet that I've been keeping for ages. One of my goals for 2024 is to tackle that. It's got things from Stargate, Supernatural, Merlin, Hawaii Five-0, Leverage, Once Upon a Time, Hallmark movies, Emergency!, The Hardy Boys, Simon and Simon, MacGyver, and SO MUCH MORE!

Another project I'm currently debating/thinking about is maybe making my own whump month challenge like whumptober or febuwhump but strictly designed for gifmakers. Since so many of the month challenges are writing focused I've been thinking about making one that is gif/visual art focused. Prompts that are easier for gifmaking, maybe share gifmaking tips and tricks, days with questions like this, etc. I'm not sure if I'll go through with this or not but it is something I'm thinking about.

And as for goals I still have a lot gifmaking tricks I want to learn or try out. I want to play more with layouts and blending and typography and really see what I can do. And continue to work on improving my coloring and brightening cause there's always more to learn and I love that.

10. Do you have any advice or tips for aspiring whump gif makers who may be just starting out in the community?

This is such a great question! Yes! To anyone out there who wants to gif but is afraid or intimidated or unsure, I have several pieces of advice for you.

For starters, gif things you like! If there's a whumpy scene you love and want gifs of, start there. It makes it so much more fun if you gif because YOU want to gif it and not because you think this particular scene will be popular or everyone else will like it. Don't focus on getting notes. I know getting notes is nice and I too want them because it means people like what I made and more people see them which is important too BUT if that's the only reason you make gifs you'll end up disappointed very quickly especially in this current fandom climate where no one reblogs things anymore. I keep giffing because I love the process and I gif things I love. Scenes and characters I love. That's where the fun is.

Don't worry about it looking absolutely perfect. Everyone starts somewhere and there's nowhere to go but up. Focus on just learning the basics of gifmaking and go from there. You gif does not need to look perfect for you to post it. I guarantee someone out there will like your gif!

You don't need photoshop to make gifs. There are a ton of online free programs you can use to learn how to make a gif that make it super simple and easy to learn. If you want to do more then photoshop is definitely the way to go but as a beginner it's totally easy and cool to use the online programs. It's a great way to see if you like making gifs.

Just go for it! Anyone can make gifs! So if you've been thinking about giving it a try, go for it!! It's fun!

(list of questions)

#ask game #mod replies #ask #gifmaking asks #gifmaking

[woelfin-sheeps-clothing]

Just found your blog after popping into the J&D tag for the first time in a while and you're doing FANTASTIC work for this tiny fandom, especially with Dark Jak and Jaxter content! Us fans are getting FED :D

Hi there! I'm so sorry that I've taken this long to reply. Your message absolutely made my day when I received it, thank you so, so much! Believe me, I'm also getting a great deal of enjoyment out of all the Dark Jak art I've been making too. 😆

The Jak and Daxter fandom could not have come into my life at a better point in time. What started as me glancing up at what my husband was playing on the PlayStation gradually evolved into a very profound appreciation for the story and the characters, as well as the crucial chunk of videogame history Jak and Daxter became a part of. I absolutely fell in love with Jak's character come Jak II and watched a lot more closely when my husband started to play. I loved how he had a lot of moments of rash decisions and impulses and selfish behaviors, and the way he'd watch Daxter when Daxter was speaking with the edge of his lip curling up ever so slightly. He very much reminded me of myself when I was being a very difficult teenager and butting heads with just about everyone in my life. 😂

I'd fallen into a weird art rut I couldn't get out of, between being tired all the time and a lot of nonsense at work that was beginning to become nonstop (still is, if anyone wants THAT story), to the point I wasn't really happy with anything I was making, my progression as an artist was stalling, and I flat out was just not creating much of anything anymore. Then one day I got the weird urge to draw Dark Jak being sassy, and for the first time in a while I found that I couldn't put my tablet down. I just had to finish. I was excited to be done with chores because I wanted to get right back to working on the piece. I found myself learning new art tricks and falling in love with lineart and cell shading again and not feeling compelled to have a more painterly style. And then when I was done? All I could think of is "I gotta do that again". There was no waffling for three days on some half baked sketches, no avoiding creating because I'd inevitably be stuck. I knew what I wanted to make, and I knew how I was going to make the next one better with all the things I'd learned in the first one.

It's been exactly a month since I finished that first piece, and for the first time in a long while I can look back and see how much I created, be it simple sketches or a fully fleshed piece. That hasn't happened to me in such a long time that the past month kinda feels like a fever dream. But it's helped put me in a better mental state to start trying to build a new portfolio again, to start setting things up to become more freelance than in-house. It's also changed how I view my engagement.

Is it fun to get a bunch of notes? Of course. But now when I post a JnD piece, what I'm looking forward to is not the numbers but the comments, reading all the wonderful and silly tags people leave for me. It makes me so incredibly happy, and it put me in the orbit of a lot of other wonderful people in this fandom. I've gotten to see so much wonderful and fun art from others in this fandom too, and read many absolutely awesome fics made by the same people. It's been so freaking cool to me to have this more one-on-one interaction with folks that I never got with other fandoms. When I make stuff, not only is it making me happy to make it, but in the back of my mind I'm also going "I can't wait till x sees this!"

Sorry if this got way too TMI or drawn out, but please let me say with all of my heart thank you @whisker-biscuit , and thank you to everyone else's who's left fun comments and tags on my stuff these past few weeks. This has made the start of the year so unbelievably incredible to me in ways I didn't foresee, and I'm very thankful for it. I'm hopeful about my artistic future in ways I have been in a while, and it means the absolute world to me.

#jak and daxter series #jak and daxter #personal stuff #question and answer #seriously #y'all are so wonderful

[likegemstone]

tempo

I am realizing that, for me, when making art of any kind though specifically for me it's mainly writing and drawing, tempo is key

You know those days when you sit down to write and the words beg aching, painful effort to come out and when they do they're all warped and stuck together at odd angles, so reading them back nearly gives you a headache?

And those days when you pick up a pen or brush and instead of making a scene, a figure, a Piece that is more than the sum of its parts, you are only making marks. Disjointed, stiff strokes that are completely separate from each other, but WHY IM DOING THE SAME THING I ALWAYS DO, WHY HANDS NO WORK???

For me I can even switch in and out of the awkward, bumbling creative stage several times in any one session. And I feel like I'm doing the same thing the entire time, so why sometimes the hands work, the words come, and sometimes it's like I've suddenly regressed years in my creative abilities?

tempo.

this is just what I call it because I once watched a Sinix video (art youtuber/streamer, makes incredible art and super helpful videos) and that's what he called it. It's been a year or so since I watched it I think, so I don't remember exactly how he defined it, but what I mean when I say tempo is when your body, brain, and soul are working in tandem. Your soul feels a Thing and your brain turns it into an Idea and your body makes it into Art.

In that Sinix video, he talks about some art exercises to get you back on tempo and it's great advice, really valuable info and I feel like kinda the heart of the exercises can be translated into writing/other art exercises as well with a bit of thought.

I might talk about that more if anyone is curious but rn I just wanted to mention how one thing that is super important for me in once again finding my tempo when I'm all out of sync is: being kind to myself when I'm in that place.

It's totally natural, understandable, valid to be frustrated when the Thing Isn't Working and There's No Clear Reason Why, and me personally, my first instinct is to beat myself up. To spiral. To quit. I've done it before, why can't I do it again?

But when I take a step back and look at the full picture, I notice this is just a thing that happens. It's part of being a creative. The tempo comes and goes, so while it might be gone now, I know that it will come back.

Not only that, but I have some of my own little practices that I have found help me get things back in sync, so now I have a list of things to try! Tools to use. Instead of sitting there trying to force the tempo back and beating myself up when I can't, I switch focus onto something proactive--using one of my tools.

And on top even of that, I have learned to pay enough attention to my process, my tempo, what helps and what doesn't, that now I can recognize little things I do that tend to get me *off* tempo, so I can check and make sure I am not doing any of those things, then try again~

#we love getting perspective and being mindful and filling up our toolbox #so whenever a problem arises we are prepared to face it #idrk if this is writing advice or art advice but kinda? #writing advice #art advice #writing encouragement #writeblr #artblr #writblr #me post #i should create a specific tag for when i'm just kinda explaining my own brain to myself

[risunsky]

Let me start by saying your art has absolutely blown my brains out like HOLY SHIT. Youre not just incredibly talented, you probably worked very hard to get where you are now and I absolutely admire your works. Just... wow! May I ask: How long have you been drawing? Can we see some old pieces from when you started making art? Also - how long does a piece take you? Hoping you have a lovely day! <3

Thank you very much Anon, it means a lot to me!

This is the kind of question that makes me too chatty haha. Ok, I'll try to do it shortly.

Indeed it has been a very long journey and it'll continue to be because I don't think I have reached my final form yet. I have very high ambitions and I'll never be satisfied until I have learned everything I want to know. I started drawing as a child, I've always loved to draw, and I've always been surrounded by people who encouraged me. There are many artists in my family. What made the journey long and difficult was that I had to learn on my own since I didn't study art in school, and when I was younger I didn't have internet and tutorials. I was also slowed down a lot by various health problems and depression. But I never stopped even if I went through periods where the passion was extinguished. It's only since about 3 years that I found this feeling of devouring passion which pushes me to practice a lot to learn and correct all the gaps that I dragged all my life.

The old "art" is under the cut. This is the oldest I could find but not my starting point. I've obviously done a lot worse than this but I don't have them on hand right now. Just imagine the same kind of drawing as someone drawing for the first time. I took examples about 5 years apart to show how SLOW my progress was, but it also shows that you should never give up.

And last question, the time it takes for a piece varies a lot. The fastest ones need 2 or 5 hours and the longest ones can take 20, 40 or 80 hours. I think about 80 hours is my longest time. That's it! I hope it wasn't too long and boring, thanks again Anon I hope you have a great day too!

#ask #very very old art #alt text #lovely little words

[ehlenvs3000w24]

Seeing Nature Through Art (BLOG 4)

Hello and welcome back to my blog! This week's topic to ponder is nature and its interpretation through art. This topic particularly resonates with me, it combines two things: I enjoy nature and art. Arts and crafts, photography, and music are all hobbies that I've been practicing since I was a child. When it came to painting, a lot of the inspiration that I used to improve my techniques was landscape portraits or scenes of animals in nature. I was often inspired by pretty flowers, birds, and animals that interested me. It was my way of deciphering the nature scenes around me. Readers, what is your favourite art form to capture nature creatively?

The infatuating wonders of the natural world make for beautiful pieces that inspire great minds to interpret them in different ways. This is an amazing example of art being a form of nature interpretation, it serves as a window into nature who aren't out experiencing it.

Freeman Tilden was an author and interpreter to set out the terms of heritage interpretation. His philosophy for understanding and interpreting life's beauty and pain is loving what you interpret and those who also come to enjoy it (Beck et al., 2018, p.83). He describes “the gift of beauty” as how interpretation should instil the ability to sense beauty in their surroundings (Beck et al., 2018, p. 85). It's important to remember the role of an interpreter is to display a message and a sort of guide for those who aren't as well versed in the topic or may struggle with the topic. Instilling beauty into other people who may not have the same skill set of interpretation makes Tilden's ‘gift’ a little harder to obtain, however, this doesn't necessarily mean that people can't work towards seeing the beauty. Art mediums, in my opinion, can become a tool for allowing interpreters with this deep love for what they interpret to share their love. A visual observation opportunity for learners may be a better resource because they can use their creativity to observe an art piece and create their own deep connection to what they see. Art evokes emotions and memories that are unique to an individual, so using art to communicate the beauty of nature will create a very personal love and interpretation.

Art is an incredible way to instil “the gift in beauty” as an interpreter. When it comes to my methods of interpreting my love for nature, I tend to focus on inspiration that I have seen before. One of the first anniversary gifts I gave my partner was a portrait of us on the nature trail where we had our first date hiking together. I included the beautiful path we walked down, some birds that we stopped to watch on the walk, and the canopy of trees that covered us from the rain that day. This art piece connects a loving memory and emotion along with the serene beauty of the woods that day. It may just seem like a kind gift, but to us, it's a piece of a story that we love in nature and it lets us share the amazing experience nature offers to those learning to see nature's beauty.

References

Beck, L., Cable, T. T., & Knudson, D. M. (2018). Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage: For a Better World (pp. 81–102). Sagamore Publishing LLC. https://sagamore.vitalsource.com/books/9781571678669

All images by Estelle Lysko (me)

#envs3000 #nature

[lovelywingsart]

Metallic (18+)

-- Karl Heisenberg X OC (AFAB, She/They) --

Oh lord here we go- Ok, first off, y'all get a small paragraph beforehand, please forgive me. :'D I've... never posted smut THIS PUBLICLY before. This is admittedly incredibly nerve-wracking and I'm hella nervous because I feel like I write... 'conservatively'? You'll see what I mean. So... Please go easy on me for this one...? I'm great for sweet stuff and angst, but smut is a whole other beast despite NSFW being one of my favorite art forms when drawing. I mean, I've already made a few *spicy* art pieces for them, but just... Writing is difficult. I mean, I really hope you guys like it anyway!! But fair warning. THIS is new for me. QuQ I do have a few more smut pieces in the works, but this was the first one written.

So uh... on to the story, I guess...!

**Small reminder that I have a small 'Masterlist' for these!**

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*Warning?: Hella smut, lots of biting, choking and kisses, some blood from said biting, just rough sex in general? Normal, to rough, to fluff. not entirely sure what else to add?? :'D It's all consensual, no worries.

Summary: With some high tensions, a smart mouth, and some unfortunate forgetfulness, Emelia gets herself into a bit of... 'trouble' with the notorious Metal Man. But maybe this time she bit off a bit more than she could chew... Not that she really ends up minding.

A pair of footsteps echoed through the underground tunnels of the factory, almost mimicking the constant sounds of pickaxes being dug into the stone. The walking man looked around every once in a while, seemingly proud of whatever progress had been made.

"All is going well. Good, good." He said proudly, puffing on the cigar he held between his fingers. The woman next to him rolled her eye. The small lights of the tunnels glinted in the glasses he wore as he turned his head to glance at her. "Is there a problem?" He chuckled.

"If by 'well' you mean 'excruciatingly slow by dimwitted slaves', then yes."

"Would you like to join them then, Emmy?"

"Bloody hell, no. I'm still sore from lugging those damned carts around..." Emelia mumbled, reaching to rub behind her neck. The man next to her chuckled again, handing over his cigar. He stepped forward slightly as she took it, holding out his free arm.

"And yet you're still walking!" He chimed, looking back at her as she puffed on the cigar, herself. "We'll change that soon enough."

"I'm not working myself to death, Heisenberg." She huffed, picking up speed and shoving the cigar back into his face. "While factory productions are important to me too, perhaps learn the definition of a 'break', and not as in 'break my back'."

Karl took the cigar with amusement as she walked forward ahead, clearly heading back to the main building.

"First you tell me to work harder, then you say not at all." He mused, following closely. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I can do what I want?"

"And yet, what you want is what affects YOUR factory in the long run... Timing, Karl."

"You act as if you know more about MY factory than I do."

"And what do you know?"

"Everything."

"Good, then you know I'm heading upstairs to rest for a moment."

"I assumed so."

~

The two wandered along the corridors to a hall with stairs leading to a metal door, sharing the cigar before she went forward and kicked the door open, snorting as she heard an irritated grunt behind her.

"If you break that, you're fixing it." He muttered, setting his hammer down to the side as he took the cigar from her. She snorted, tossing her own weapon to the side, watching it land on a pile of fabrics used for either covering machinery or covering herself when she slept, whichever happened to come first.

"You say that as if it would be difficult." She retorted, taking her hair out of the tie it was in and running her hand through it before stretching slightly as he walked past her to sit in a chair next to a desk in the room they were in. It was similar to a bedroom, but not quite. 'More like an office with a small bed' , she always said, occasionally taking residence on said 'bed' when she was tired. She felt Heisenbergs eyes on her as her muscles stretched and popped, and she let out a satisfied groan.

"It wouldn't be, but you'll have to make a new one from scratch." He said, arching a brow as he leaned back in the chair. She rolled her eye, moving to stretch her arms in front of her.

"Again, not hard." She shrugged, finally moving towards the desk he was next to. "Making a door takes less brains than you already have."

"Are you calling me an idiot?"

"I'm not calling you a genius."

She almost laughed as she saw him pause before taking a long drag on the cigar.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear you say that." He sighed. She shrugged, leaning over the table and looking over the papers that had been laying on it.

"It's a joke, Heisenberg. I'll admit you're more intelligent than you let on." She said, moving the papers and other objects slightly while looking at them. She then paused as she held them, her eye going over the plans, x-rays, and sketches. "Did you leave out the other Soldat plans?"

"They're in with the cadou notes. I thought you would have seen them." He said simply, reaching for a manila folder on the corner of the table. He put the cigar in his mouth as he opened it and flipped through with a huff. "The new ones haven't been functioning properly, damn things... I'm thinking of rewiring the circuits to the brain.".

"Wouldn't that cause more damage than good?"

"Not if it's done properly." He chewed on the cigar for a moment before flipping over one of the papers. "The worst that could happen is the head exploding from the current. In that case-"

"Lycan food?" She suggested. He nodded in agreement.

"Lycan food. They're mostly useless to me otherwise..."

"As are most things..." she muttered, earning a glance. She looked back at him. "What? Am I wrong?"

"Not necessarily. Others do still have use."

"How?" She asked, turning to face him. "No head means no use."

He shrugged, tossing the folder back onto the table before leaning back in the chair.

"Replace certain muscle tissue and bones with pneumatic or hydraulic systems, whichever proves to be less of a pain in the ass that day, hot wire circuits to the remaining muscle structures, add an engine system into the chest with a strong battery..." he tilted his head slightly, almost as if he were picturing the plans in his head, thinking of more details as he went along. "They would quite literally be mindless, but a few shocks and currents would make them go just fine."

"Sounds a bit like you..." Emelia snorted, turning back to the table to organize the papers as he glared at her. "Shall I pick a few poor sods from the village to test this?"

"Or I could just use you..." he muttered.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Keep making your ass-backwards comments and see what happens." He shot back, finally pushing himself up to stand. "Yes, I'd like you to do that. Fresh bodies work best for the experiments. I'll send out the Lycans as well, given they don't tear them apart."

"That wouldn't matter anyway, Karl. You'll just stitch them back up like you always do."

"I could, couldn't I?" He started, taking a step closer to stand next to her with a sinister smile. "Or I could make YOU do it. You seem to have fun with tearing things apart and putting them back together-"

"I'm NOT sewing your bloody creations together." She interrupted. "I'll kill them and I'll tear them to shreds, or I'll assist with the inner workings of the mechanics. I don't sew."

"You'll learn."

"Like hell I will."

"I'll make you."

"Bullocks."

"Keep talking, Emelia." He dared, his voice lowering in a threatening manor. "I'm not in the mood."

"You were before we got here." She challenged. She only held her breath as he suddenly snuffed out the cigar on the table itself while his eyes seemed to stare directly through her.

"That's what happens when you keep insulting me, Emmy. I start to get angry. You know that."

She felt a chill down her spine at his voice. It was different from any other time she had aggravated him... It was as if she were in actual danger. His face was only inches away from hers, and he smirked once he noticed her hesitation.

"Scared, Emelia?"

She kept her eye on him, watching his movements carefully. No, No she wasn't in danger... Maybe.

"No." She replied, lifting her chin slightly as he arched a brow.

"Oh?"

"What is it you say to me...? I'm 'in a mood'...? Because I believe you're currently in one, yourself." She asked, finally moving forward and brushing past him in a nonchalant manor despite being somewhat stiff in her movements. "Drink some coffee and throw a few things around with that power of yours, you'll be fine."

She felt his eyes on her as she neared a cushioned chair against the wall.

"I'll throw YOU around..." He growled, taking amusement in her body slowing down as he spoke. He walked towards her as she turned to face him. "See how that pretty mouth works after your head goes through a wall."

"You forget I've stopped your hammer with my arm." She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest before smirking. "You smashing my head through a wall would be as effective as Sturm trying to hold something with his nubs."

"You don't seem to understand what I can do to you, Emelia."

"And you don't seem to understand the amount of fucks I don't give, Karl."

His arm twitched slightly, and she glanced over as metal pieces on the floor began to shake just slightly. She just hoped he wouldn't direct his power towards her...

"If you would like to play, I'll GLADLY entertain you."

She suddenly got in his face, a mischievous, antagonistic spark in the gold of her eye.

"Entertain me HOW? Throw me to the Lycans? The Varcolacs? Hell, let Urias get ahold of me, see what happens."

He bared his teeth in a snarl, though the corners of his mouth stayed in a malicious grin.

"I'll turn YOU into a goddamn Soldat, you'll be so full of metal you won't be able to FUNCTION without me-"

"I'm more afraid of your SISTER than I am you!"

Her smirk widened as she saw a sudden spark of anger in his face, his smile faltering.

"Don't you dare attempt to bring that bitch into this, I'll put my hammer straight into your skull-"

"TRY ME, THEN-" She started, only to give a yelping gasp in surprise as Heisenberg slammed her against the wall by her throat.

"Shut your damn hole!!!-" He snarled. His grip was tight, but he seemed to stop once he glanced at her open mouth. All of a sudden the air around them changed, and she stared at him with confusion in her one golden eye. "Oh, Emmy, you didn't tell me!" He said with a sudden cheerful tone, moving his hand from her throat to her jaw. He switched so quickly...

"Wh-" she began, only to stop as her jaw was yanked open. She was confused until she saw the reflection of her tongue piercing in his glasses.

Shit.

"Well well, I guess you've got some metal in you after all. I won't have to try as hard..." He chuckled, tilting his head as she stared at her own reflection. "What else are you hiding from me, Emmy?"

Her eye was wide in simultaneous fear and curiosity. She knew she couldn't have hidden the piercings forever, but certainly longer than this. She usually at least took the one out of her mouth when around him given how often they talked for this reason... But even then, he had never noticed it before. Why now?! She kicked herself for forgetting. She wanted to shove him away... Shove him and run. Would he chase her? He was most definitely trying to scare her, she knew that much... But she also wanted to know how far he would actually go if she did nothing. Would he rip them out if he found the others? Use them as control like he mentioned? Or would he leave her alone? Something told her the latter was out of the question as he showed growing interest in her silence.

"N-.... Nothing..." she managed, nudging her jaw out of his grip. "I just-"

"You're a liar, Emelia." He said, his grin growing wider. She gave a huff and shook her head.

"I am not, you ridiculous-"

She was stopped with a startled gasp as a gloved thumb was shoved between her jaws, nearly propping her mouth open.

"Now now, this'll go far easier if you do it my way. Now open up."

He lifted his other hand to his face, taking a finger of the glove between his teeth and sliding it off. The glove fell to the ground between them, and she watched as he reached for her face with his bare hand. She flinched slightly as his fingers pressed against her lower jaw, though admittedly relaxed as his thumb drifted over her bottom lip. The skin was expectantly rough, she found, calloused and covered in smaller scars. She closed her eye as it drifted over her sharp lower teeth before thrusting over her tongue, pushing it back and causing a small gaging reflex. It tasted... metallic... Metallic with hints of other things. Not quite metal, not quite blood... Maybe residual oil? Maybe a hint of the cigars. She couldn't tell exactly what it was, but the mixture wasn't bad... She really didn't mind much. She could almost feel the interested look on his face as she relaxed, though she attempted to hide it. Oh god, was she enjoying this...? She only flinched as he pressed his thumb against the muscle, pushing it out of her mouth somewhat to see the piercing fully.

"Let's see how much you're hiding from me, shall we?" He grinned.

There was a moment of confused silence before she felt his thumb press against the metal rod, her eye snapping open with a gasping yelp as what felt like electric sparks and currents traveled through that piercing, as well as the others.

All the others.

The sparks lasted only a second, but a second was all that was needed as her back arched slightly away from the wall. Heisenberg took a step back in surprise as Emelia suddenly collapsed to her knees, shaking and panting ever so slightly out of shock and... something else. She doubled over with a wide eye, an arm covering her chest and the other pressed against her abdomen and ever tightening thighs. What the hell WAS that...?! What the fuck did he do?!

"W-.... Wh-...." she tried, trying to voice her thoughts. But alas, despite the tingling feeling up her spine disappearing, she couldn't. She couldn't even move as she heard movement directly in front of her, the shock of the feeling only allowing her to look up as he grabbed her chin and lifted her face to meet his. She watched as he kneeled, only to look up and see the most smug grin she had ever seen.

"Liar liar, Emmy... You know how I hate liars." He chimed, adding to the smug aura he held. It pissed her off, but she couldn't do much about it now... She then grew nervous as he tilted his head, taking in her reaction fully as she stared at him with an ever-deepening red blush on her cheeks. "If I was more foolish, I'd say you enjoyed that."

"I-I... D-did NOT...!!" She snapped, stopping with a small squeak as he shoved his thumb back into her mouth to silence her.

He was met with another squealing whine as he pressed against the piercing once more, gleefully sending more currents through the metal pieces in her body. Emelia reached up to shakily grab his arm as the piercing was left alone once more, though the residual shock still remained. She wanted to say something... Say ANYTHING... but the feeling in her face, chest and thighs was so odd and... and good... It kept her silent, and Heisenberg took interest.

"Lycan got your tongue?" He joked, chuckling as she let out a growl. He found it amusing, of course. She only frowned as he tilted his head with the ever present smirk, his sharp teeth glinting in the dim light of the room. "You know, Emmy..." he started, yanking her forward by the jaw slightly as she kept her hold on his arm. "I can't help but wonder how it tastes."

She felt another shiver down her spine at the sickeningly curious tone in his voice. Taste... Taste?? She stared at him as he removed his thumb from her mouth, though nearly started to form words immediately in stupid curiosity. The answer came to her quickly, however, in the form of a hand around her neck, a mouth to hers, and being shoved against the wall once more. She made an almost strangled noise as her back hit the concrete, her mind attempting to play catch-up as she felt something being shoved into her mouth. More sparks traveled along the piercings as his tongue slid over hers, and she let out a whining growl in response.

The taste of metal and the slightest bit of sweetness filled her mouth, along with the taste of the cigar they had shared only minutes prior. But... Why did it taste so good? Why wasn't she fighting him? She found herself frozen for a few moments as the realization set in that she... truly enjoyed this. He couldn't have known, could he? There was no WAY he could have known... Oh god, what was wrong with her? She generally wanted to strangle the man, but now...

She allowed the frustration from earlier to bubble in her chest, giving her control of her limbs for a few moments. Heisenberg began to back off, thoroughly satisfied in her reactions and his 'taste test' before she suddenly grabbed the front of his jacket and yanked him back against her, giving a quiet grunt as her back was forced against the wall again with his weight. He was brought to his knees at the force of the tug, and it was her turn to feel satisfaction as a startled grunt left this throat.

Emelia returned the forceful kiss with all her strength, her back arching somewhat with the now consistent current from the piercings. Her legs shook slightly as she felt a warm feeling in her thighs from the current, unintentionally letting out quiet whimpers and heavy breaths into the kiss. His hand stayed pressed to her throat before he moved it to the side of her neck and shoved her head upwards with his thumb. He tore himself away to attack her neck immediately, licking along the skin before closing his jaws around it. She gasped as he moved along her neck, leaving bloody bites and bruises while using his free hand to nearly rip at her shirt. The fabric was pulled it from its tucked position, his grip tearing a few holes in the worn fabric as he held it taught away from her skin. She couldn't help it as her heavy breaths turned into pants, and she gripped his arm tighter as she felt the fabric continue to tear from a mixture of his grip and her squirming from the feeling between her legs. She shuddered as he finally pulled away from her now very bruised neck, his lips hovering right against her ear.

"Let me taste all of them, then." He growled, returning his hand to around her neck and squeezing along the bottom of her jaw.

Her squirming paused in his grip. 'Please, oh PLEASE-' she thought, secretly wishing to rip the shirt off, herself. But he couldn't know that... If he did, she knew he'd taunt her mercilessly. Not that he wasn't doing the same now... Instead she shook her head just slightly, trying to even out her breathing.

"W-Wait-" she started quietly, only to gasp once more as he finally tore the front of the shirt clean off from the seams. He tossed the fabric to the side as her back arched to meet the new air her front was exposed to, the newly revealed silver nipple piercings glinting as her body moved.

"Too late." He chuckled deeply, grabbing her by the side and bringing her chest forward as if he were claiming a prize.

He leaned down slightly, his arm wrapping around her as his mouth returned to her skin. He kissed and nipped to her shoulders and collarbone until his lips met the tip of the large scar that rested between her breasts. She swore she could almost see something flicker in his shade-covered eyes as he seemed to study it before nipping at it carefully. The nips were... oddly careful. It was as if he knew what it was... She managed to compose herself enough to speak, one of her hands moving to nudge his shoulder. She couldn't help but give a nervous gulp as he looked up at her, his eyes burning as if her touch had fueled the fire.

"N-... N-Not... um..." she tried, her voice oddly timid. She knew what was happening, though the idea made her nervous... "N-Not... here..."

"Hm?" He tilted his head slightly, loosening his grip on her neck. He then followed her gaze to the small 'bed' in the corner of the room- though it was more like a single mattress over a solid 'frame' with random odd pillows along the wall and multiple covers lumped on top. It was how she liked it.

"Th-There... uh..." she looked away for a moment, heavily aware her burning cheeks. "P-... P-Please..."

She could nearly feel his smile against her skin as he chuckled, though he didn't reply. It was then that she was suddenly picked up with a surprised yelp and tossed over his shoulder, her knees pressing against his sides to balance herself. She managed to hold on long enough before he walked to the 'bed', landing roughly onto it as she was tossed. She nearly scrambled to sit up until she looked up at him, watching him quickly close the space between them, removing his thick jacket and single remaining glove.

"Stay still, Emmy. The show is just getting started." He taunted, unbuttoning the long sleeve shirt he wore before kneeling onto the cushion and looming over her. She couldn't help as her vision traveled down what she could see of his chest, seeing similar scars along his skin.

She opened her mouth to speak, giving a quiet yelp as she was shoved into the sheets by her neck, her legs now situated around his waist. Her back arched as he leaned over, biting at her shoulder and collarbone once more before around one breast and onto the other. She gave a whining gasp as he reached the peak, his tongue swirling around the sensitive skin and the small bar of metal pierced through it, his teeth grazing the it ever so slightly. He used his other hand to trail along the scar on her chest and down to her pierced belly, his rough fingers caressing the skin until they pushed underneath the tied overalls. Her legs twitched as his fingers reached the piercing between them, feeling as it was surrounded by a moist warmth. He smirked.

"I knew it." He said, rubbing against the piercing and bundle of nerves with another jolt of electricity before removing his hand. She couldn't help the whine that left her throat as her hips bucked lightly from the feeling, and he chuckled. "Easy..." he muttered, returning the palm of his hand to her stomach and shoving her down.

He dug his fingers into the skin around the belly piercing as she glanced down, and she made another strangled noise as he sent another wide current through her piercings. Her back arched as he pressed harder to keep her down, though she was startled as he suddenly crushed his mouth against hers once more. The small currents pulsed in a slow rhythm as she returned the kiss, her legs shaking and tightening against his hips. She let out a soft cry against his lips as the pulses increased, her grip on his arm tightening and even pulling him closer as the waves of a small orgasm rushed through her in spasms. The feeling was strengthened with the addition of... something pressed to her thighs underneath their clothing. But the waves... The small spasms that affected the muscles of her back and legs... While it hadn't been something she had felt even when human, and while she knew what it was, all she knew was that it felt good. REALLY good...

She could have sworn up and down she hated the man at any point before this, but as he broke the kiss and pulled away to look at her, she couldn't help but feel... want? Desire? Whatever it was, she knew she didn't want it to stop at the moment, and that's all that mattered to her. She still didn't want to give in so easily... But god damn was this feeling hard to fight off.

"D-... D-Damn you..." she nearly whispered, her voice wavering slightly. She was met with an amused chuckle as he removed his glasses and lightly sent them to the table they had been at before.

"Just what I like to hear..." He taunted, removing his hand from her throat. "Tell me, Emmy... Do you want more? Feel free to say nothing if you do."

She stared at him as he gave another sly grin, opening her mouth as if to protest... But she couldn't. Instead, she remained silent, though gave an irritated, embarrassed huff as she glanced off to the side. Her lip curled into a silent snarl as he gave another chuckle.

"I thought as much." He replied, leaning up. His fingers were dragged along her skin as he moved, trailing along other scars that littered her skin.

She glanced down to follow his hands, watching as they trailed over her hips and around to her front where the knot in the tied mechanic suit she wore. With one quick movement it was untied and loosened, and she jumped as everything was suddenly pulled away and off of her hips, sliding down her thighs. She froze at the new rush of cool air surrounding the warmth between her thighs, and suddenly the entirety of the clothing was removed as he seamlessly pulled it away from her legs. Now she was completely bare in front of him... Exposed.

The desire to cover herself was overwhelming as she met his eyes, seeing the smugness and sense of possession he gave as he took in every visible inch of her skin. Her arms and legs twitched in an attempt to cover any vulnerable areas, but she suddenly found her arms pinned next to her head and his hips against the backs of her thighs to keep them open.

"Don't you dare." He grumbled, a smirk still on his face as he glanced down slightly before looking back up at her face. "I haven't tasted everything yet."

"Wh-..." she tried, her legs twitching again.

She was met with another kiss as he leaned down, though it didn't last long. She let out quiet pants as his lips and teeth moved along her jaw to her neck, leaving more bites and bruises among the ones that already stained the skin. Her arms twitched as he reached her breasts again, hit tongue repeating the same actions as before on both piercings before finally returning to the large scar running down her sternum. He planted light kisses and nips along it, earning her confusion as he continuously moved lower. She watched as he nipped along the skin of her stomach, the corner of her mouth twitching as he seemingly, almost playfully, gently bit the piercing in her belly and glanced up at her. She rolled her eye for a moment before he sent another current through the metals, and she let out a soft whimper. It wasn't until he let go and moved to kiss and bite around her hips and thighs that she realized, her head shooting up with slight panic as she felt his lips against the inside of her thigh.

"H-Hey-"

"Quiet Emmy." He purred, the tone of his voice making her freeze. She watched as he kissed the inside of her thigh once more, her head landing back against the cushion with a shuddering gasp as he bit along the sensitive skin. Her hand flew over her mouth as he moved closer to her core, whimpering as she felt his tongue gliding along the skin.

"K-Karl, wait-" she whimpered through her fingers, only to take in a sharp, gasping breath as she finally felt his tongue against her, moving slowly as if savoring her reactions.

She tried closing her legs, though found it nearly impossible due to his hands forcing them to stay where they were. She could almost feel the bruises form where his fingers pressed against the skin, though that feeling was second in her mind compared to the pleasured sparks up her spine with each movement of his tongue. She couldn't help as her hand left the sheets, finding its way to his head as he played with the small piercing through the bundle of nerves, sending small electric pulses through her body once more. She felt the vibration as he chuckled against her, gripping his hair with small gasps and whimpers as his tongue delved into the warmth. Her back arched slightly with each movement, her thighs shaking from the new sensations. Why did it feel so good...?! She let out a long whine as the electric pulses continued, eventually biting down on her hand as to attempt to prevent any further noises. She could feel the tightness return as his teeth grazed against the piercing, and suddenly her hand was gripping his hair in a fist as she came again, a multitude of muffled whines and mutterings of his name escaping her mouth while her back arched. She barely heard the grunt he gave as he was pressed against her, not even realizing as he was able to pull himself away.

She flinched as Heisenberg reached up to grab her wrist, her body shaking slightly as he managed to nudge her hand away. He ran a hand through his hair to smooth it out, rising to loom over her once more as he licked his lips. Where the actual FUCK did he learn that?!

"That hurt, Emmy." He purred, keeping his grip on her wrist as she finally looked at him. Her face was red as she panted, her legs trembling as they rested against his hips once more. "Good girl."

He smirked as she stared up at him, his tongue swiping over his teeth before he leaned over and yanked her other wrist from her mouth, pinning both of them to the cushion beside her head. Her breath caught in her throat at the sudden movement, her eye widening as it met his. There was a moment of silence as they held a stare down, only ending as he shifted her wrists into one hand and used the other to undo the belt and button of his own pants in one swift motion. It took her a moment to register the movement, keeping eye contact once the full realization of just how far- and how fast- this was about to go hit her. She squirmed slightly in his grip as she glanced down, nearly breaking said grip, only to get caught in yet another rough kiss as she felt something warm press against her thighs. She could taste herself on his tongue, and somehow it made her arousal worse...

She let out a whining groan as she was rubbed against, her back arching once more at the new feeling, only to give a surprised and somewhat pained cry against his lips as she felt him enter her quickly and fully with a grunt. She gasped into the kiss as he returned his hand to her neck, her back arching into his chest and her thighs once again tightening around his waist. More of the pleasurable feeling shot up her spine as he moved a few times, pressing against her roughly as she gave small whimpers and whines. It felt... good... so good. Why did it feel good? Why did all of this just feel GOOD? What the hell was she missing from her old life that didn't include THIS?? She couldn't help the small moan she gave as the kiss was broken, and he shoved his hips against hers. He tightened his fingers around the sides of her neck with a sly smirk as he stayed where he was. Although the glint in his eyes may have looked malicious, his actions proved otherwise as he allowed her a few seconds to relax.

"Am I being too rough with you, Emmy?" He asked, his smirk widening into a grin as she mindlessly shook her head, though it was more like a few twitches.

"N-... No... N-Not rough enough..." she growled with a challenging tone, though her voice was still light. She was met with a dangerous chuckle.

"Good."

Emelia glared up at him with a somewhat clouded eye, her breaths coming in light pants that turned into gasps and moans as his movements continued, growing faster and harder with each passing second. She struggled to keep her voice down despite the feeling of each thrust sending sparks into her chest. The sounds of his low grunts and deep breathing weren't helping, she found, and it made it much more difficult to control her own pleasured noises. She was then aware of a low laugh from him.

"Ah... I didn't think... you could sound like THIS, Emmy...~" He purred, his grip on her neck tightening. She opened her mouth, nearly flinching as she let out more soft moans.

"S-... S-Shut...." she tried, though was unable to finish any thought with her gasps and whines.

Her arms struggled in his grip, shaking with each thrust, only to suddenly be freed as he let go in order to take ahold one of her hips. She mindlessly reached for him almost immediately, gripping the edge of his shirt with one hand and grabbing the necklaces around his neck with the other in order to yank him down. She was rewarded with another rough kiss, her head being jerked up as he kept a hand around her throat. She let go of the necklaces, instead reaching under his shirt, her fingers trailing over his own scars until her nails dug into his back. There was an internal satisfaction as she heard Heisenberg give a surprised grunt, only to give a yelping cry as he suddenly pulled away to replace his hand around her neck with his teeth.

Small sparks of pain made their way through her shoulder as his teeth broke the skin, though they seemed to amplify the feeling as the thrusts became rough and quick. She finally reached her other hand around and under the shirt he wore, her nails dragging down the skin of his back as her moans and whines grew louder.

"F-... FuCK...! K-Karl...!!" She said suddenly, her voice cracking somewhat as she was met with a possessive growl and the slight smell of fresh blood as he let go of her neck. She couldn't help but gasp as she felt his cheek against hers, his beard scratching against her skin as his lips nearly against her ear.

"You're MINE, Emelia..." He growled.

Emelia felt as more pulsing currents were sent through her piercings, and she couldn't help but cry out as the pulses caught her by surprise. Her muscles tensed, her nails tearing at Heisenbergs back as she felt the waves of a strong orgasm, making her body shake and her legs flex around his waist. Her thighs tightened at his hips, halting him enough to keep him where he was as she came, but not long enough to stop him entirely. He let out a low growl as he kept up his movements until he slammed against her hard enough to move her up a few inches. She gave a gasping moan as could feel his muscles shudder and a strange warmth in the pit of her stomach as he filled her, and her back arched against his chest as she nearly hugged him to her for dear life.

There was small silence as their movement ceased, each breathing heavily. Emelia held onto the man over her as if it meant life or death, momentarily forgetting her irritation around him in the first place as there was a sudden feel of lips along her neck in a multitude of small kisses. They were gentle against her bruised skin... The odd tickle of the facial hair made the corner of her mouth twitch as she panted, unintentionally laying her head to the side for him as she very slowly but surely relaxed. Her irritation only slightly returned as she heard a chuckle from her neck, and she glanced down.

"Th' bloody hell is so funny...?" She muttered, unable to keep the lightness from her voice. She watched as he looked up from her neck, a sly smile across his still bloody lips.

"You're adorable, Emmy." He said simply, making her groan and start to push him away.

"Piss off...!!" She growled, only to gasp as he suddenly leaned over her with a chuckle, nearly being pushed into the mattress again as he finally slipped off the button-up shirt.

"Precious little doll, you didn't seem to hear what I said."

'Doll' ...? Emelia stared at him, now also shirtless, taking in the rest of the scars she had never seen. She could feel her face heat up more as he leaned over her, holding himself up with his hands on either side of her shoulders.

"Wha-" she started, only to let out a gasping yelp as he gave a single hard thrust to silence her.

"I told you, Emelia. You're mine. In more ways than one, it seems." He nearly purred, leaning down to press his nose to hers.

Her single eye widened as he grinned, only to be met with a quick, relatively gentle kiss. It took a moment for her to calm down before she returned it, staying where she was and secretly holding herself to that proclamation. She didn't want to admit it... She never would. But somehow, despite how he could be, this made her feel... wanted. It was an odd feeling, and one she knew she would be hesitant on getting used to. But she still hated him... Right?

She gave a soft whine as he pulled away, physically removing himself from her with a shuddering breath. She let out a whimper as she relaxed back against the covers, feeling an odd coldness and even a slight sense of loneliness as his weight left the mattress. She opened her eye with confusion and watched as his pants were fixed before her vision trailed up his back to see the bloody scratches she had left.

"Whoops..." she muttered, earning a chuckle and a glance back.

"I'll let you relax for now, Emmy. I don't wanna break you just yet..." He joked, nodding to the shirt he had left. "Use that for now, we'll get you another shirt later."

She couldn't help but smirk, her face red.

"Done already...?" She asked, her smirk faltering heavily as he glanced back with an odd mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Never said I was, Doll. This is for your sake."

Emelia watched as he began to walk to the jacket he had left, but she felt... sad. Not because he had stopped. Not even because she almost wished they would keep going immediately... No, it was another reason she couldn't quite place with every step away he took. She carefully pushed herself to sit up, wincing at the tenderness that settled between her legs before reaching for her discarded jumpsuit. But she only grabbed the simple boxers she had, managing to slip them on with minimal issue. She saw him slow his movements as she managed to stand, her knees just the slightest bit weak. Holding on to a support beam on the wall, she shakily made her way over to him as he glanced at her with an odd curiosity. She didn't care if she was entirely naked save for underwear, simply covering her chest with her arm as she reached for him. She stumbled into his back, feeling his muscles tense as her arms slowly wrapped around his torso, her fingers lightly drifting along the hair and scars on his chest.

"Don't you dare leave me like this, Heisenberg..." she muttered, pressing the scarred half of her face against his back. She knew he could feel her trembling as her legs threatened to collapse on her.

There was a moment of silence before she heard and felt him chuckle.

"You really are an odd one, Emmy..." He chuckled, turning his head to glance at her over his shoulder before giving a dramatic sigh. "Have it your way, then."

Emelia jumped as he suddenly turned in her arms, her cheeks going red as his face was suddenly mere inches away from hers. What was she DOING? Why she acting this way? She didn't know... But she was pleasantly stunned as she felt his hand raise and nudge her chin gently. However, instead of it going around her neck again as she expected, he simply caressed her cheek, avoiding the scars around her missing eye; Even he knew she hated them being touched, and now didn't seem like the best time to annoy her. In fact, he almost enjoyed her more when she was calm like this... She couldn't help but feel relaxed as the rough pad of his thumb brushed over her skin. Relaxed enough to settle her cheek into his hand fully, ever so slightly trying to remind herself that this wasn't who he was all the time. This was temporary... But she could do temporary.

"... Don't tell anyone..." She muttered suddenly, keeping her hold on him as he leaned back against the shelving next to them to stay comfy. He chuckled once more.

"Who do I have to tell, Emmy?" He chimed. She stared at him for a moment before shrugging, laying her head against his chest.

It was a moment of domesticity that she vaguely remembered wanting as human... Something about someone being close physically always seemed tantalizing, yet there was no way to achieve it here... Or so she thought. If she could just have more time like this... Though she knew it wasn't meant to last, especially not with him... But for now, she appreciated it. It wasn't until her senses focused on the machinery noises outside of the room that she gave a sigh, reluctantly pulling away from him.

"I should get back to work, then..." she mumbled, taking a few steps away, her fingers dragging along his chest before she turned, not seeing Heisenbergs face as he watched her walk away and run a hand through her hair to push it out of her face.

She made her way over back to the bed-like cushion, absent-mindedly picking the button-up shirt he had been wearing and slipping it on, herself. She'd take it since he offered, and because she didn't necessarily feel like hunting down new clothing. It was only slightly loose over her frame, being only slightly smaller than him in stature, and she felt his eyes burrow into her back as she buttoned it up. Quiet footsteps approached her from behind, causing her to jump with a small gasp as arms surrounded her while the shirt was only halfway buttoned. Heisenberg pulled her back against his chest, one hand on her hip and the other around the front of her waist.

"What are you-" she started, only to stop as the arm around her waist raised to nudge the collar of the shirt off her shoulder, placing gentle bites and kisses along the skin as soon as it was shown. Small shivers went up her spine with the movements, and she let out a wavering breath in attempts to not laugh from the tickling of his beard. "K-Karl, stop-"

"I never told you to get back to work..." He said simply, his now semi-serious tone interrupting he train of thought and causing any hint of laughter to disappear. He trailed kisses and bites to her jaw and her ear once more. "Indulge me then, Emmy, and I'll let you go. Let me have my fill."

Her face fell slightly. His fill... Did he mean...?

"W-What, be your toy until you're done?" She huffed, turning her head slightly to face him. Though he was on her blind side, she could almost feel the grin.

"Well, when you put it that way..." he started, letting his hands wander. One trailed under the shirt slightly, his fingers drifting below her belly, while the other found and gave a gentle squeeze to a now exposed breast from the shirt being moved before resting over the large scar. "Yes. But don't worry. I take care of my toys... I said I wouldn't break you so soon. And besides..." he pressed another gentle kiss behind her ear, "You seem like you want more. Am I wrong?"

Emelia took a shaky breath as she felt the odd sensations once more, reaching to hold onto his forearms as his hands moved. Well, of COURSE he was right... She knew there wasn't much else she would have to do around the factory today anyway. She worked constantly, and the factory ran relatively smoothly without her. She even came here for a break, anyway... And, despite her feelings about him, what the man had just shown her was... Well, her legs still held a slight wobble. To say she wanted more was an understatement. And so, she have a small huff and looked forward, tilting her head to allow him at her neck.

"... Go ahead..." she muttered, her voice an embarrassed tone. She felt his grin against her neck taking a breath as he gave a small, rough bite.

"You won't regret it, Emmy."

She gave a small, joking snort.

"I'll believe you if you can prove it, Karl..."

"Oh, even after what I've just shown you?" He played, his lips pressing to her neck once more. She said nothing, only somewhat easing against his chest with a huff. She rolled her eye as he chuckled, though her breath caught in her chest as his hand left the scar, letting his fingers trail up and along her throat. "I didn't think I would have to prove anything."

"You never do..." she muttered suddenly, only to close her mouth as she felt him freeze behind her. Where the hell did that come from...??

"Oh?"

She was silent for a moment before clearing her throat.

"Th-That, ah..." she started, only stopping as he grabbed her throat and pulled her to him roughly.

"What?" He growled, ever so slightly moving them forward. She took shaky steps, following his direction.

"N-Not... what I... mean..." she finally managed, glancing down with a quick breath as she felt the edge of the work table against the front of her thighs.

"Hm. What did you mean then, Emmy?"

"I..." she tried, though was unable to find her voice. What was this rush of excitement...?? The tone of his voice sent chills down her spine as he nibbled at her shoulder while awaiting a response. She then decided to just speak. What could go wrong?

"I-I mean...." she managed, gaining a smirk and holding onto his arm. She could feel as he tilted his head in curiosity. "You haven't quite done so thus far, how am I to believe you could...?" she continued, feeling his grip tighten. Good. She pulled away from him slightly to aggravate him. "You always need to prove yourself Karl, you won't get far without it-"

She was stopped with a surprised grunt as she was suddenly shoved down against the table, giving a surprised grunt of pain as her chin hitting it with a light *thunk* . He kept his hand between her shoulders, using his weight to keep her down as she moved to rub her jaw. Her hand was then suddenly yanked away as he twisted her arm behind her back, earning an uncomfortable grunt.

"Bloody hell- H-hey-!"

"I don't give proof, huh?" He growled suddenly, leaning down over her to talk into her ear. "I assure you, Emelia, I have all the proof you need."

She opened her mouth to speak, only to shut it with a surprised noise as he suddenly bit down on her neck and yanked her towards him. The backs of her thighs hit his hips, and she let out a small, surprised whimper. He slipped his fingers under the waistline of her underwear with his free hand, taunting her by slowly dragging them down. There was a sudden spark at her piercings once more while her lower half squirmed, and she couldn't help but give a small, moaning whine as she felt the sparks increase. Waves of pleasure traveled up her spine, causing her back to arch into the table somewhat and nearly bite her bottom lip until it bled. Small goosebumps covered her skin as she felt her underwear finally fall to her ankles. It wasn't until she felt him adjust himself behind her that she attempted to look to the side, only to be met with a growl and his teeth digging into the skin more.

She could smell the blood as it began to seep from between her skin and his teeth... It made her head swim as she finally felt him rub against her roughly, the small sparks of pain from his teeth adding to the odd pleasure she was feeling. He removed his teeth from her neck for a moment to speak into her ear, sending more shivers down her spine.

"I've got your 'proof' right here." He purred, his smirk nearly audible. He shoved her down again once more. "HERE!!"

He gave a rough thrust forward as he spoke, filling her quickly once again and earning a yelping moan; but this time, he didn't stop. A mixture of pain and pleasure racked her body as he kept up the rough thrusts, simultaneously twisting her arm more behind her back to hold her there. She couldn't stop the now loud moans and whines she gave as she panted, nearly digging her nails into the metal table supporting her. She could feel the pulses of her muscles threatening to tighten and mutate as she was slammed into nearly mercilessly, her fingers creating small dents in the material as she forced her mutation back once she felt a familiar flutter in her chest. He seemed to notice, letting out a low chuckle through his own grunts and growls.

It wasn't long before she felt the sudden waves of an orgasm, making her give a loud cry as she shifted under him, pressing back against him for a moment. She reached forward quickly and gripped the edge of the table, easily denting and nearly crushing it in her grip with light cries as he continued his thrusts through the tightening spasms. Her body shook while he didn't slow down. Instead, he increased his movements, and she almost felt tears come to her eye with the overwhelming sensation.

Her other arm was suddenly freed as he moved to grip both of her hips, leaning down to bite at her shoulder once more with low grunts and growls. He kept going... Oh god, he kept going. She couldn't speak, the only noises leaving her throat being whines and cries. She couldn't help but lean into his jaw, almost begging him for more despite the overstimulation. Her neck was bitten multiple times as if she were being marked, each bite breaking the skin with ease. Beads of blood slowly dripped from the wounds and over her skin every time he let go, only to feel his teeth elsewhere. She felt tightness below her belly once more as she let out a wavering cry of his name, only to be met with slower thrusts and a growl at her ear.

"What do you want, Emelia?" He growled, his voice low and strained. She couldn't help but squirm and push back against him with whining whimpers as he slowed more, quickly becoming frustrated and seemingly desperate. No... No, why was he stopping... Why was he slowing down?!

"N-.. N-No...!! D-Don't- fuck- D-Don't slow-...!!" She managed, earning a dangerous chuckle.

"Tell me Emelia, or I swear to God I'll stop right NOW." He played. She could hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke. She knew this was amusing to him... It was payback for her insults. Her body shook out of desperation and anger as the thrusts slowed considerably, and she put her forehead against the table with a growling whine. He held her hips in place against the table to prevent her from moving against him. She couldn't take it anymore... She wouldn't even try to fight it. It was as if she were being denied a prize, and she hated it already.

"F-Fuck- I-" she started, barely able to get words out, "Y-YOU Heisenberg, you bloody idiot!!! I want YOU!!!" She finally yelled, her voice cracking somewhat. "J-Just... D-Don't... Don't FUCKING stop!!! Fuck- PLEASE!!"

She could almost feel the pride-filled smirk he gave in knowing he had won, but she didn’t care... Her little outburst gave her slight confidence as he chuckled, his last breath coming as a low growl.. She jumped as she suddenly felt an arm around her waist, roughly pulling her back towards him as his other hand reached to pin and hold hers as if keeping her in place. A wavering whine left her lips as he gave a possessive growl, looming over her with obvious intent.

"Good girl." He grumbled, only giving her a chance to inhale before returning to the powerful, near brutal thrusts from before, pulling her to him with each movement.

She didn't even attempt to hide her voice again, her cries and moans growing louder with each passing second. She almost didn't want the feeling to end, allowing herself to melt into him as her back arched into his chest.

"D-Don't... D-Don't stop... F-FUCK- Don't stop...!!!" She repeated, her voice wavering with uneven pants and gasps.

"You. Are. MINE." He suddenly growled in her ear, not letting her respond before biting into her shoulder once more.

More electric pulses were sent through her piercings, nearly making her scream while gripping the hand over hers. The orgasm she felt then was strong, traveling through her body in waves and overstimulation as the pulses continued. The feeling was amplified as he kept moving for a few seconds, finally pressing her roughly against the table with a loud, wavering growl and swear as he came as well. She let out another gasping moan as she felt him twitch inside of her, shuddering with the light warmth she felt at the pit of her stomach.

The room was filled with the sound of their panting and deep breaths as their rode their highs, and Emelia finally relaxed against the table with a shaky, satisfied sigh while still panting. She felt... good. Great, actually... Very sore now, as well as numb, but good nonetheless. It was as if any frustration she felt had melted away with the thin layer of sweat on her body. She gave a quiet whimper as she felt Heisenberg shift somewhat. He removed his jaws from her shoulder, nudging her head and pressing his cheek against hers as his grip on her loosened to allow her to relax more.

"Are you alright, Emmy?" He asked quietly, his voice low and catching her off guard enough to flinch. She only made a small, confused noise as she glanced over. He chuckled, catching a glimpse of the residual pleasured tears that stained her cheek. He reached over, dragging his thumb over her skin to wipe them away. "Is that a yes?"

She kept her eye on him for a moment before giving a small nod and setting her head back on the table. She attempted to shift, but found her body was... unable to move. The numbness had begun to turn into the feeling of being a puddle, she found. Her muscles shook as she tried to push herself up, and she almost collapsed under him. He nearly laughed while kept his grip on her waist, keeping her upright while he watched in interest.

"Would you like some help?"

"N... N-No, I..." she tried, her voice quiet. There was silence for a moment before she gave a shaky sigh, putting her head down once more in defeat. "... y-yes..."

"I thought so." He chuckled, finally pulling himself away with a quiet grunt. She could hear the amusement in his voice. "Alright. Keep steady, now."

Emelia glanced back as he partially adjusted himself, not bothering to fully fix his pants before he let go of her waist. A small panic entered her chest as her legs began to collapse under her, barely able to use the table to keep herself up before she felt him at her side. Her body shook as she tried to lean up once more, reaching to hold on to Heisenbergs arm as he draped it across her shoulders. He didn't even flinch as she leaned her full weight on him, and he chuckled.

"Come on, then." He said, suddenly leaning down once she was fully off the table. She let out a surprised yelp as he swept his other arm behind her knees, bringing her up into a cradling position against his chest as she held onto him tightly. She tightened her grip more as he started to walk, her face red. "Something wrong?" He asked, amusement thick in his voice. She watched his movements, only somewhat relaxing as they neared the bed.

"N-No..." she replied quietly, slowly easing herself in a sitting position the tattered covers as he set her down, wincing again at the soreness she felt. While the fabrics weren't always the best for relaxing, right now they were comforting, and a godsend for her shaking muscles. She then jumped as he sat down himself before he laid beside her with a huff. She stared at him for a moment as he held his arm out for her. What was he doing...?

"Well?" He asked expectantly, raising a brow as she looked confused.

"... what?"

He rolled his eyes.

"You're wearing my shirt Emmy, the least you could do is lay down."

"What-" she started, only to look down. "O-Oh... um..." She had admittedly forgotten what she had been wearing, and sheepishly pulled the shirt over her now throbbing shoulders and neck. She then adjusted herself on the mattress with a quiet grunt. "Ok..."

"NOW you're embarrassed??" He asked, nudging her arm slightly. "Should I describe, in detail, what I just did to you?"

She glared at him and gave a small huff as she managed to lay down.

"Shut up..." she mumbled, somewhat begrudgingly cuddling onto his chest as he smirked.

"It was an honest question."

Emelia only grumbled in response, though relaxed as she felt his arm go around her. She adjusted her head on his chest, pausing as she felt a heartbeat. It was slow and rhythmic, lulling her into a relaxed breathing pattern. He glanced at her as her arm wrapped over his chest as well, though he froze as she mindlessly began to trace over some of the smaller scars over his skin. She watched her own fingers move, an amused smile creeping on her face as she felt him tense and relax at her touch. She tilted her head slightly as she heard a light grumbling from his chest, her fingers pausing. He shifted under her, and she looked up to meet his eyes.

"What...?" She asked, resuming the movements. She watched as his eyes traveled between her and her fingers multiple times, his breathing easy with small grumbles in each inhale.

"Nothing." He replied simply, only to lift his chin slightly in confusion as she moved her hand to the scar across his neck. She felt his breath hitch as she traced it, and he looked at her again. "What are you doing, Emmy?"

"Nothing." She copied, almost laughing as he rolled his eyes.

"Don't get soft on me now Emelia, just earlier you were threatening me." He snorted.

"I still can if you would rather that."

"Hm. No, I'd rather fuck you again."

She went silent for a moment, her face heating up once more with embarrassment. "You said you wouldn't break me." She huffed.

Heisenberg gave a chuckle before turning to face her, gaining a smirk when she looked at him in surprise.

"I won't. I can't, actually." He said matter-of-factly, suddenly pushing her shoulder to have her lay on her back. She jumped, staring up at him in a stunned silence. "That doesn't mean I can't try. I haven't had that much fun in years, and I know you're durable. So am I."

"I-I can tell..." Emelia managed, clearing her throat slightly. Well, she knew he had a point... Despite being sore, she still felt oddly energized... Sure, the light exhaustion was there, but she knew she would have gone back to work immediately if she were physically able to. And she had to admit... She enjoyed this. It felt... normal. Almost.

She kept her eye on him for a moment before taking a breath. Was she really debating on this? The reality of the current situation hit her full force like Sturm on a rampage. She was silent for another moment before gulping slightly.

"What... What is... 'this' , exactly...?" she asked, her voice quiet. Karl drew back slightly, caught off guard by the question.

"Excuse me...??"

"I... You... You piss me off, Heisenberg..." she started, her arms resting at the sides of her head. Each movement of her shoulders resulted in a dull pain from his teeth, and his mouth twitched as he realized. She paused as she saw the smallest... tiniest twinge of regret in his eyes. But she shook her head, looking down at herself.

"I don't... I've been here for... only a short time compared to you, Karl... And now I... We do... THIS..." she continued, looking back up at him as he held his place over her. "What are we doing...?"

It was his turn to stay silent, obviously contemplating his answer. She had seen the same look on his face when discussing important factory matters... It almost made her feel better.

"What do you want from it?" He asked finally, tilting his head with a light shrug. She blinked.

"... What?"

He rolled his eyes, giving a small smirk.

"Ah, who's asking the hard questions now?" He played, chuckling as she glared at him. "I don't quite care what this leads to, I know what my goals are." He explained. "What are yours? What do YOU want out of it?"

"I..." she started, looking to the side. "... I don't know."

"Then don't worry about it!"

"But I-"

"Look, Emelia. If you can't figure it out, then focus on something else. Is it really worth wasting the energy if you don't know right away?" He asked.

She was silent. He... He was right.

"That... That's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say."

She nearly laughed at his insulted expression.

"Hey-"

"I'm joking, Metalhead..." She sighed with a small smile. There was silence for a moment before she finally gave a huff. "Just... For now just..."

"Come on, we don't have all day." Heisenberg joked, smirking as she glared at him.

"... Shut up you daft idiot." She growled finally, reaching to yank him down by his necklaces.

The movement startled him, but he seemed to know exactly what to do as his lips met hers with a light chuckle. The kiss was... gentle, oddly enough, but she relaxed once more under him. Light shivers traveled up her spine as she felt his fingers travel along her skin. The shirt was fully unbuttoned once again and nudged to her sides, and she took a deep breath as she felt the air on her chest. She only whined as her legs were moved, making him pause. There was a soreness between them from his roughness beforehand, sending small waves of a low, pulsing pain through her body. He gave a questioning hum against her lips, and she spoke against his.

"Sore..." she admitted quietly, feeling his amused smile.

"Good." He replied simply, adjusting himself and his pants to rest between her thighs. Emelia let out a quiet whimper as she was rubbed against, her legs shaking against his hips and her arms reaching out to his onto and wrap around his shoulders.

The dull throbbing sensation continued as he pushed into her once more, earning a somewhat pained whine as her back arched. It hurt... But the feeling lessened to a light sting after a few seconds, and she took lighter breaths. She couldn't help but wonder as he stayed still, his words and question playing in her mind as he returned to his position of leaning on his forearms over her. What DID she want from this...? Did she truly wish for any sort of stability from this? Or just survival? Maybe this was the first and last time she'd experience this, or maybe it would be regular. Did she WANT it to be regular, though? She didn't know... All she knew was that his touch swung wildly between rough and gentle every time he touched her, even before this. He always switched between harsher interactions and kind ones, making her angry and thankful at the same time. And yet, when he touched her NOW... Even while over the table, it was almost careful, hesitant to push her too far even while leaving bruises in her skin. Somehow, while sharing this intimacy, he was a perfect mix of the two. And somehow, it calmed her and even gave a small hope in the back of her mind.

Her thoughts stopped, letting out a breathy moan into the kiss as he started moving, this time at a slow pace. This time she kept her arms around him, hugging him close enough for their bare chests to press against each other. Her breaths and moans came from a different sort of pleasure, almost willing to believe that sharing this with him would allow some sort of normalcy. Her nails dug into his shoulders as he set a careful, hard rhythm, one of his arms moving down to press his hand against her stomach.

A single second passed before Heisenberg sent a low pulse of electricity through her body and piercings, causing her back to arch as she pulled away from the kiss with a gasping whine. She felt as he lowered his head with a low groan, starting to kiss and nibble along her jaw. Her nails dug into his back as his movements increased somewhat, creating more scratches to match the ones he already had. Her voice came out in quiet whines and moans into his ear as she clung to him. Sure this was making the soreness worse, but she almost couldn't tell between the low pulses and thrusts coming from the man. Her body shook while simultaneously encouraging more. She WANTED more... She already admitted as much to herself. Another whine escaped her lips as he nibbled just below her ear.

"Fuck, Emmy...~" he nearly purred into her ear, lifting her hips slightly and switching to smaller quick thrusts.

"K-... K-Karl-! F-FUCK-" she managed, her voice breaking somewhat as she allowed her legs to loosen at his sides to bring him closer. She whimpered as he suddenly leaned up, her nails digging and sliding down to his biceps before gripping them as she felt a familiar tightness below her belly; he could feel it, too.

Emelia suddenly held her breath in a surprised, wavering gasp as he slid his hand up her body from the belly piercing, his fingers dragging along the large scar on her chest before lingering and pressing against the sides of her neck. Her whines and moans continued, even as his hand moved higher to her jaw. She then jumped as his thumb pushed past her parted lips, resting on her tongue. She attempted to look up at him, but found it difficult to even keep her eye open... Heisenberg gave a low chuckle at the sight, pushing on her jaw slightly. He didn't even have to say a word as her mouth nearly closed around his thumb. Her whines and whimpers grew louder and her grip on him tightened, and she could only gasp as he pulled his thumb from her mouth and replaced it with his own.

The kiss was returned instantaneously, followed by her wavering, now muffled cry as she finally came once more. He grunted into the kiss as she tightened around him, her legs wrapping around his waist once more while her back arched. She wrapped her arms fully around his shoulders with overstimulated whines as his pace quickened before he finally let out his own wavering moan against her lips. She joined him with her own moan as he shoved his hips against hers, feeling the warmth enter her as he rode out his own orgasm with shaking muscles. God, it felt... It felt good... The warmth and twitching from him kept her whines going as they panted, her body shaking under him.

Both were silent for several moments, the kiss lessening to gentle movements before breaking.

"D-... D-Damn..." Emelia nearly squeaked, her head rolling to the side as her jaw was nuzzled.

"Hm. Are you alright?" Heisenberg asked, earning a small nod.

"... gonna be sore..." she replied quietly, relaxing somewhat as he kept his face against hers. He chuckled.

"You wanted it."

"Shush..." she huffed. Her breathing eased, feeling his smile against her skin. This was... Nice, she had to admit... An uncomfortable whine left her lips as he began to push himself up and away, only pausing as her legs twitched around him to keep him there. "N-No... stay..." she whined, watching as he raised a brow. "... P-Please..."

"I've never heard you say 'please' this much." He joked, earning a light glare. But he simply returned to his place over her with an amused chuckle, nearly laying on her.

She was relaxed despite nearly his entire weight on her torso, though she had no issues. He was really warm... She could almost purr with the warmth both on top of and inside her, the feeling relaxing her to the point of her limbs going lax around him. She felt him chuckle against her skin, taking a breath as his lips found her bruised neck. But her mind wandered elsewhere, and she found herself pressing her cheek to his.

"Can we... Not talk about this...?" She asked quietly, earning a confused hum as he glanced at her.

"Oh? What do you mean?"

"J-Just... Um..." she tried, turning her head to look at him. "M-Maybe this could be... just... stress relief...?"

She jumped as Heisenberg shifted, his face now hovering over hers with their noses together.

"Just stress relief?" He asked, amusement dancing in his eyes as her face reddened. "Is that what you want?"

She simply nodded, her fingers traveling over small scars that covered his upper back and shoulders. 'For now...' she thought. Wait, 'for now'...?? Did she really mean that...? She was pulled out of her thoughts as he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

"Then so be it." Heisenberg said simply, meeting her gaze. She stared up at him before nodding and taking a breath. But he moved before she had a chance to even think, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Hold on."

"What-" she tried, only to cling to him with a surprised yelp as he pushed against the mattress to lean up with her against his chest. She let out a light whine as she was shifted on him, small sparks shooting up her spine as she was settled against his hips while he sat and leaned back against the wall. He couldn't help but smirk as she let out a whimper, her legs twitching. "Better?"

"I..." she tried, though couldn't manage words as she felt him shift against her to make himself comfortable. So she simply nodded before leaning against his chest.

It was his turn to freeze as she nuzzled to his neck, giving a pleased sigh as his arms hesitantly went around her waist. She relaxed against him, enjoying the warmth he gave and the feeling of his arms around her.

"... You're warm..." she said quietly, earning a surprised chuckle.

"I would almost hope so." He replied, reaching up and under the shirt she still wore to drag his fingers along small scars on her back. He smiled as she relaxed. "I'm going to assume you're not moving any time soon?"

He nearly laughed as she nodded against his shoulder.

"Fair assumption..." she mumbled, closing her eye.

While she wasn't necessarily tired, there was a sliver of exhaustion in her chest. She had to admit, there was still pain from the bite marks that now covered her neck and shoulders, and the soreness of her legs came as a dull throbbing. But she oddly didn't mind... She held her breath as she realized her enjoyment of this. The touches, the intimacy... Even the dull pains she felt. Maybe she didn't even mind HIM...

No, no... She DID mind him. Did she...? She still found him infuriating... But the way he held her now was... Well, it made her question quite a bit.

She finally sighed, relaxing fully against him. She focused on his touches against her back instead of the thoughts in her mind, willfully ignoring them for once. She'd enjoy what she had for now... Her attention went to the sounds of his heart and distant machinery, letting them lull her into a light sleep. She didn't NEED she sleep at the moment, but to her, it was almost perfect.

She only hoped it would stay that way.

#oc #resident evil #resident evil oc #resident evil village #resident evil village fanfiction #resident evil village oc #re8oc #re8 #heisenberg #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x oc #heisenberg x oc #karl heisenberg smut #lord heisenberg #smut #lovelywingsocs #LovelyWings Writes #Metalworks Fanfiction #heisenberg fanfiction

[autisticandroids]

1, 5, 13, 15

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

so i write what i want to see so of course i rate myself very highly. like, i think my content is pretty unique, and the reason that's true is that my tastes are pretty unique, and i write first and foremost what i can't get from other people. so i'm, i guess, very pleased to read and reread my own fics, because i enjoy the content and the way i use language.

i would dock myself for three things:

first, i'll take off a half-star, because i'm constantly trying to write these extremely opaque, unreliable narrators, and that's a really hard line to walk, so i tend to end up in one of two pitfalls: on the one hand, i'll end up saying too much and it will fall flat, or on the other, i don't say enough, and there are whole layers of meaning that even the most discerning reader would be unable to access. this is actually why i wrote that director's commentary for i fold in half so easily: i wanted to explicate my meaning, because the artistry of the fic (i.e. the need to characterize cas well by making him an unreliable narrator of his own suffering) was at cross purposes with the analytical nature of it - the need to explore the potential problems of a post-canon relationship scenario that i think are not touched on in most fics. so i essentially wrote two fics: a fic where art triumphs over analysis, and an explicatory essay where analysis trumps art. the director's commentary is nearly twice as long as the fic on its own.

second, i'll take off a half star for like. occasional cringey awkwardness that i don't know how to sand off. there's a lot of sex in my work and usually that's fine and i integrate it well but sometimes it can end up awkward and stick out like a sore thumb. and there's some other stuff that's occasionally awkward too. and i'll leave stuff in because i don't know how to excise it even though i think it's rough and don't know how to fix it. which is also partly to do with like. most of the sex stuff in my work is intensely and intentionally unerotic, but it's still sex stuff, and a lot of the people i would usually go to for writing advice are people who i would not necessarily people i would want to make read my porn, so when i struggle with those bits i have less help. it takes a village to raise a fanfic and all that. also sometimes my stuff can just get ridiculously overworked to the point where i can't see it anymore, and i end up with awkward bits and pieces. also, this is like, a specific to spn gripe: i have NEVER successfully nailed crowley's voice. not even once. this isn't a huge problem in my published fics but i have some wips with crowley in them and they're a MESS because like. who is this man. what makes him tick.

lastly, i'll dock a full star for what i see as probably the biggest flaw in my writing: i am incapable of writing long pieces. i struggle with producing with consistency and in any great quantity, so if i want my fics to be manageable in terms of like, actually writing and finishing them, they have to be short. and this has been a limitation on me for years! i've learned to work around it! i've learned to pack a lot of punch into very little space! but it's still a grave and terrible limmitation. like, if i had more space to play in i would do much better job with like, showing and not telling, and unreliable narrators, and demonstrating the world we're in, and etc etc etc. like fundamentally the fact that i write slowly and painfully really hamstrings my work.

so, a respectable three stars.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

i fold in half so easily. definitely i fold in half so easily. i'm still kind of amazed that it's as good as it is, tbh. like it has flaws and awkward bits but it's like really good for what it is.

in terms of non-spn fic, the thing i'm most proud of is probably either just like. participating in like just an incredible amount of trek rarepair swap back in the day. like not the individual fics but the fact that i was in it so much. but if you want an actual fic, i'm pretty proud of george smiley's wikipedia page, because it was fun to play with that as a fic format. like, thinking about what the general public would actually know and find relevant, and how that information would be arranged and phrased and cited.

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

death note [pensive emoji]. on ffn, even. when i was like, fourteen.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

well, i've written a couple of fics for call for the dead (1961) by john le carre. i wasn't the first person in the tag, i was the second. but, you know. mystery novellas from the sixties don't usually have an ao3 fandom, even when they are technically in the same series as much more famous spy novels from the seventies that have been adapted to screen twice.

#spn #asks #savoryoatmeal

[hopefulcanary]

@peacelovengranola had a really great question over on my Lord Stark piece that I wanted to answer as a post, since this might get lengthy.

Full disclosure: I am not a historian or anything related to that, I'm just a hobbyist costume geek who loves clothing and history. Please don't consider this The Definitive Guide To anything, just suggestions of what works for me and where to get started when digging in to (specifically Western European & North American) fashion.

For all of my Semi-Historical Stark pieces, my primary sources are artwork from the period (and in some case photos and extant fashion pieces), as well as books. Loooots of books. Once I hit the later 19th century, things like fashion ads, department store catalogs, magazines, and pattern books are incredibly useful tools for fashion history references.

(I recommend avoiding fantasy art depicting mythological folks {gods, the Saints, King Arthur etc} because the fashions get a little, well, fantastical, heads up)

Because there's just so much knowledge out there, and it's intimidating as heck, I go for broad strokes first ("What era do I want to learn about?") then I start carving out specifics.

"Specifics"?

Lord Stark's overall look is from the Renaissance, sure, but specifically England in the 1560s. He's also meant to be a nobleman, as class distinction (and career) is important to how he'd dress, the materials he'd wear, decorative motifs etc etc. While it seems like a lot to keep in mind, think of it as adding filters to a Google search, to help you narrow your focus (and save your sanity).

"But Beck, how do I know a site is legit with their info?"

Look for sources! Any article should list the sources or books they're referencing. Want to avoid Amazon? Thrift used copies or shop directly from the publisher. Can't find physical copies of them, or the copies that do exist are just obscenely expensive? Take advantage of sites like LibGen, Archive.org, and Hathitrust to read digital copies! Or search for Epubs and PDFs, friend!

(Though I would never, ever suggest you illegally download a book that's stupidly overpriced on Amazon or eBay 😶 That would be so wrong and mean to the seller 😶 {please DO support small businesses!})

(Also hilariously, Karolina Żebrowska answered a similar question last year so go watch/read her suggestions too, she actually knows way more than I do.)

Stuff I've been reading:

The Costume Institute at The Met

Fashion History Timeline

A Dictionary of Costume and Fashion - a definite (and cheap, yo!) must if you just want to know wtf something is called, which makes searching for specific examples a breeze.

Reference Book of Women's Vintage Clothing: 1900-1909

The Mode in Costume

Medieval Costume in England and France: The 13th, 14th, and 15th Centuries

European Civil & Military Clothing

Fashion in the Middle Ages

Vintage patterns you can read and reference. These are outstanding if you want to see what regular folks were making for themselves.

Example of a Sears Roebuck catalog from the 20's

Pinterest is a pretty good resource in a pinch, as you can often find fashion albums filtered to specific dates in history. Be aware that they might not always be accurate (unless they're dated on the photo, like with some fashion plates), so you may want to cross-reference as well.

--

This is just a super small sampling of what's out there to read! Don't be afraid to indulge in what you want to learn about either. If you just want to learn about Victorian bustle trends, or Black American hairstyles of the mid-1960s, or the garments of 12th century French peasants, go for it.

If you want to go into even further detail (and if you're a fellow artist), look up how period garments were worn, and the various underthings people wore as well. Get real extra with it and read up on where/how they lived, and their daily lives.

The sky's the limit here, have fun with it 👍 I hope this layperson's primer helps, and makes it a little less daunting.

#my art #fashion history #fashion #self taught

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

#vowtogether #vow interview #writing #art #lovestruck #dreamfeel #iffound #gayming #gaming #mod atlas

[fycarmensandiego]

A chat with author Melissa Wiley

In 1996, HarperCollins published six Carmen Sandiego chapter books, featuring VILE villains from the then-current "Deluxe"/"CD-ROM"/"Classic" generation of computer games and a new lineup of Acme agents, headed by a Black female Chief (Lynne Thigpen ha impact), and focusing on kid detectives Maya and Ben.

The series included two books each by two writing teams and one solo act, Melissa Peterson. I got in touch with Melissa, who now uses the pen name Melissa Wiley, and she graciously answered some questions about writing the Carmen books and beyond.

To get you caught up to my knowledge before the interview, here's Melissa's website, and here's her bio as printed in the two Carmen books (accompanied by the caricature above):

Melissa Peterson is the author of several books for young readers. Born in Alamogordo, New Mexico, she has lived in eight different states and visited Germany and France. She has never ridden a dolphin, but she did eat a great deal of sour cherry ice cream outside the cathedral in Cologne. [Note: These are both references to plot points in Hasta la Vista, Blarney.] Her research for Hasta la Vista, Blarney included many hours playing Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? An official ACME Master Detective, she lives in New York City with her husband and young daughter.

FYCS: Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview.

Melissa Wiley: What a fun blast from the past! The Carmen books were my first professional writing gig and I had so much fun working on them.

That's so exciting to hear! With that being the case, how did you get involved with the books?

I was an assistant editor at HarperCollins, working for the wonderful Stephanie Spinner. I started out as her editorial assistant at Random House right after grad school and moved to Harper with her a year later, shortly after [my husband] Scott and I got married. Stephanie knew that I wanted to be a writer, and she often sent in-house writing assignments my way (lots of cover copy). When I left Harper in 1995 to have a baby, Stephanie recommended me for several book assignments, including the two Carmen Sandiego novels. That project had been underway for several months—Harper was doing a tie-in with the game and TV show. There were six books in total; two were assigned to me and four went to other writing teams [Ellen Weiss and Mel Friedman, and Bonnie Bader and Tracey West]. I often joke that I got my first modem, my first baby, and my first book deal in the same month!

I loved working with my Carmen Sandiego editor, Kris Gilson. The two books were a blast to write and a great learning opportunity for me. Ellen Weiss remains a good friend of mine. She's a true gem of a person!

Have your experiences writing the Carmen books influenced your work since then?

With Carmen, I discovered how much I love writing humor. Before that (in grad school), my poems and stories were on the serious side. I had so much fun with the playful, sometimes goofy tone of the Carmen Sandiego books that I definitely shifted afterward to more of a focus on humor in my books. I still find writing from a place of playfulness to be my most satisfying kind of work.

Were you familiar with Carmen Sandiego before writing the books?

I loved the computer game! I'd seen several episodes of the show—it's all a bit blurry now and hard to say which I encountered first—and really enjoyed it, but I especially loved the game. Instant classic!

How much guidance did you receive from HarperCollins / Brøderbund? Were the plots your own, or were you given plot outlines?

We were given the basic descriptions for the two kid detectives, and I had a couple of meetings with the editors and the other writers to flesh out the characters a bit more—give them personalities. I don't think Mel was in the meetings, but Ellen was there, and Tracey and Bonnie.

Then I wrote outlines for my two books and the other writers outlined theirs. I was assigned one "Where in the World" mystery and one "Where in Time" mystery. I think I submitted several plot ideas for each—the big challenge was thinking up interesting objects for Carmen and her henchmen to steal. The Blarney Stone and cocoa beans were my favorite ideas and I was thrilled that they got picked!

How did you research the books?

Those were AOL days, and the web wasn't yet a place for intensive research, so I spent a lot of time in the library. For The Cocoa Commotion, I conducted phone interviews with staff members at the Hershey chocolate factory—lots of fun. But I never did get to visit the Blarney Stone!

What was your favorite part of working on the books?

Researching the history of chocolate! Naturally I had to do a lot of sampling in order to describe it properly. ;)

Your author bio in the books mentions that the scene in which Maya and Ben eat sour cherry ice cream in Cologne, Germany was inspired by an actual experience of yours. Did any other experiences of yours make it into the books? Have you had any other travel experiences that notable? (Note: I'm originally from Northern Michigan, so travel experiences involving tart cherries are a high bar to clear for me.)

Ohhh, that sour cherry ice cream! I hope I get to taste it again someday. Apart from eating a lot of chocolate, I can't remember any other personal experiences that informed the books. If I were to write one today, I'd make sure to set a scene in Barcelona. My husband and I spent a week there in 2008 and it was an incredible trip. The paella! The Gaudí buildings! Art on every corner! I'd love to go back someday.

The bio also features a caricature of you with your baby daughter...

That drawing was made by the brilliant comic book artist Rick Burchett, who was working with Scott on Batman comics at the time. Scott was an editor at DC Comics and Rick was one of his favorite artists to work with. When I needed a bio illustration for the Carmen Sandiego books, we commissioned Rick to draw it. I love that piece so much! The baby is my oldest, Kate, who was born right around the time I started working on the books. We still have the original art!

You've written over 20 children's books for a variety of ages, in a variety of genres. Do you have any favorites among them?

That's so hard to say—I'm fond of all of them and I dearly loved creating worlds and adventures for Charlotte and Martha in my Little House prequels—but The Prairie Thief and The Nerviest Girl in the World are extra-special to me. I grew up in Aurora, Colorado and had a summer job at a wildlife refuge on the prairie, a landscape that served as the setting for Prairie Thief. I loved getting to weave secrets into the prairie setting that means so much to me.

Your most recent book, The Nerviest Girl in the World, was published last August. Can you tell us a bit about why you wrote it?

I lived for 11 years in La Mesa, California, a small town just outside San Diego. While I was there, I learned that in the very early days of silent film, there had been a film studio in town. Eventually the studio moved to Santa Barbara, but it was exciting to discover that before Hollywood was the center of the American film industry, little old La Mesa was a moviemaking place. I began reading everything I could find about the studio, and when I learned that many of the cowboys in those early Westerns were real cowboys and ranchers, an idea for a book began to take shape—the story of an adventurous girl who stumbled into work as a daredevil film actress along with her cowboy brothers.

Of course, I'm legally compelled to ask the question that literally every interview currently includes: how has the pandemic changed your job?

LOL! Yes, it's the question right now, isn't it! Well, I've worked at home since the Carmen Sandiego days, and I homeschool my kids, so in the biggest ways our lives weren't hugely affected by the shutdown. But I used to do a lot of my writing in cafés, and I miss that like crazy! I had to think up all sorts of new strategies for staying focused at home this past year. I'm hoping to get back to the coffee shops this summer!

Something I found really interesting is that you have a Patreon, which you explain you started to help pay for medical bills. How has that experience affected your work as an author?

I've played with lots of kinds of content on Patreon and really enjoy having a space to share behind-the-scenes stories. It's a more intimate and personal space than social media, so I feel free to let my hair down and be really frank.

Thanks so much for these fantastic questions! I had so much fun reminiscing about the Carmen Sandiego adventure!

#carmen sandiego #melissa wiley #interviews #mine #csm

[corvidiss]

Clearly what's wrong with you is that you can't tell how awesome you are

Isn't there something like the development of skill and the final stage is being aware that you're great at something but the one before it is being great at something but not knowing it??you're probably at that stage

I'm bad with run on sentences sorry but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about

Gjskgkslf you know what, anon? Yeah.

It's interesting you bring that up, actually, because I have a really weird relationship with my own abilities. See, I can be borderline arrogant about it – I consider my writing skills to be bloody damn well good if I don't say so myself (I do), and I often look at my own art and go "Wow yeah that's good, I'm pretty badass at this" – but I don't usually say these things, because, well people don't like it when someone's arrogant.

But people don't like it when someone denies appreciation or their own abilities either. I think that's something a lot of us sometimes forget – that being self-deprecating about our work can be as bad as, or possibly sometimes worse than, being arrogant about it, for ourselves, and for the people who enjoy it. (Not to condone arrogance though. Self love is good, self-worship is unhealthy.)

Despite my high opinion of at least some of my creative work, I am still very dissatisfied with a lot of it – and I think that's because of the fact that I know I can do well. I look at the first doodle I've drawn in two weeks, and beat myself up because it doesn't come close to the 11-hour digital painting I produced two years ago. I write something short without a clear intention of where it's going while I'm tired and achy, and get frustrated that it doesn't compare to the polished prose I published last week, or the piece of writing I did in an exam a few years ago and somehow got full marks on.

And everything between "tired 10-minute attempt" and "My god, it's practically breathing!" makes me question myself too, because I forget that people aren't robots. We don't have a setting at which we always work; we have good days and bad days, and we have art block and plot problems, and we have insane quantities of factors playing into our ability to do things well, or even at all.

Just because you can't make yourself do the dishes, that doesn't mean you're a worthless pile of stale spaghetti.

Just because you can't draw as well as someone else yet, that doesn't mean you're not good at other things. Or that you should give up drawing.

(Another thing many people don't realise is that you can be good at things like being nice, and a lot of people don't seem to realise how much their online acquaintances appreciate them – myself included, it seems. This type of skill is just as worthwhile and just as valid and capable of making people happy. It's also a skill that mental health problems can to make you completely blind to. Your friends and mutuals might not actually hate you, you know, or find you annoying or whiny or blunt – it might just be mental illness fogging up your windscreen.)

So it's definitely worth my while reflecting on these things, and I'm glad you brought it up, because I don't do it nearly as often as I should. It really serves to just think about this now and again, to rationalise your failings and remind yourself that nobody can work at their best the whole time. And that your best now is far from what your best will be in time to come. And that you don't have to be doing your best to be doing well – that mediocre art of any kind is still something you made out of nothing, and that's so incredibly cool! And, importantly, that what you create isn't a reflection of your worth.

Also, while I think the skill development stages thing is definitely an interesting concept, I'd argue that one can learn to be aware of one's own merits before one has mastered a skill. I think it's important to do our best to see the good we're managing, even if, and especially when, we're picking out things to improve on as well. It's a long, difficult journey, especially for those who struggle with self-worth and related difficulties – but it's a truly worthwhile journey to embark on, and even the tiniest of progress along it is cause for celebration.

Good work! You're managing to give yourself credit for what you've done, even if you're not totally satisfied with the results of your efforts. You're seeing what you did right, and learning from your successes as well as your mistakes. That's progress, friend, and I'm proud of you!

Well done! You managed to look at something you've done and noticed something positive about it. It might be massively outweighed by the negatives you're seeing, but it's progress, friend, and I'm proud of you!

You did it! You managed to say thank you, or even just ":)" when someone complimented you or your work, instead of disagreeing and/or pointing out the things you hate! It was so hard for you to avoid arguing about it, and you gave it a shot and finally resisted the temptation. That's progress, friend, and I'm proud of you.

...That went on a bit of a rant; oops...

TL;DR:

I'm borderline arrogant about some of my creative work in my head, but I don't say it because people don't like arrogance.

But people don't like self-deprecation either, which can be as bad for both the creator and the appreciator to an extent.

Despite my high opinion of my work, I often beat myself up because not everything I do is my best, which is ridiculous of me tbh.

Because humans aren't perfect robots and we have bad days and art blocks and so on, and many things contributing to how well we perform at any given time, it's unreasonable to expect ourselves to do our best the whole time.

(Also, you can be good at being nice to people, etc; it doesn't have to be a creative skill you're good at. And people might not hate you as much as you think they do, because mental illnesses like to fog up your perception of that sort of thing.)

Reflecting on this sort of thing can be really helpful, because it can make you realise you were being unfair to yourself when expecting to work at high standards 24/7, or more of the time than you can.

And you don't have to have mastered a skill to notice your achievements in it; it can be a long and difficult journey to be able to see the good in your own work, but every step, however small, is an achievement, and I'm proud of you.

Thanks so much for bringing this up, anon! Sorry to ramble so much about it XD And I hope you have a good timezone!

#answered asks #asks #random thoughts #rambles #self worth #and the like #*sparkles* #long text post #tldr

[letteredlettered]

Hm, I think something went wrong with the message I sent you. So sorry! I'm trying again. It seems so frivolous to ask you a question but I'm in dire need of escapism after already one week of lockdown in Germany. I hope you are ok! I've only discovered your Drarry fics beginning of this month, love them! And "Another mask behind you is really lingering. I can't seem to get over it. Brilliant!

I’m sorry it took me so long to reply to you! I know lockdown is over in Germany, but I hope you made it through okay, and thank you so much for this ask.

Since the ask is very long and my answer even longer, I have placed the remaining portions of the ask and the response under this cut. The discussion is about Another Mask Behind You, which is a Harry/Draco I wrote that involves Draco being a sex worker. It also has elements of both non-con and dub-con. If any of these topics disturb you in fiction, please take heed if you check out the fic or read the reply. I do not think this ask or answer will make sense unless you have read the fic, which I can’t really say that I recommend, though there are parts of it I like.

The way you brilliantly use searing, toe-curling sex-scenes to draw me in, but because the drivers behind the intense need for both characters are not sexual, it’s never enough, NEVER ENOUGH, and I keep getting more and more frantic as the fic progresses, just like Draco. Well done :-)The way you disregard expected tropes and make the journey so much more complicated, so much more nuanced ….. well, so much more painful – it’s just incredibly rewarding. So painful, but so rewarding. (2/7)

The brilliant way you use the unreliable narrator, always delusionally speaking through his survival-shell of shame defense, his biased perception of reality in general and Potter specifically, but especially himself. And this confrontation-scene when he finally implodes into his shame – my god, do you really want to break my heart? Seriously? (3/7)

Then the way you capture the obviously intergenerationally transmitted Malfoy-steel-spine, the “holding on to the last thread of myself in impossible circumstances” - the emotions that invokes I can’t even put into words. There is so much more I want to say, but this format is too restricted. I postest a long comment on Archiveof OurOwns. I'm getting to my question :-) (4/7)

Another thing I adore about your writing is that you write powerful endings. This fic and “Away with childish things” are so, so psychologically satisfying but with quite a bit of narrative tension unresolved - so that I’m forced to spend joyful days with filling in the gaps.However, with one gap of this fic I’m really struggling and I would love to hear your take. (5/7)

I get the struggle with the betrayal and all, but as Draco so accurately puts it “So many unfamiliar expressions had he made in the last two times Draco had seen him, that Draco was no longer sure he’d ever really known him – as though in some sense, Potter had been playing a part as much as Draco had.”I don’t see any awareness develop in Harry regarding his obvious control-compulsion, the covert objectification hidden behind feelings of “love”, that made Tristan a “safe” partner. (6/7)

It will be so bitterly precarious for Harry (not so much Draco) to ever share this side of him within a power-balanced relationship, so risky and hazardous. Will he ever be able to work himself up there? It could be potentially so incredibly cathartic but I’m not so sure. Harry would need extensive aftercare, I guess. Would love to hear your head canon and thoughts? Do you have a story in your head how things would develop between these two? Thank you so much for your art! (7/7)

For those who are interested, I replied to the full comment on AO3. I’ve reproduced most of my answer below for those who are interested:

I'm glad you enjoy the unreliable narrator, and I’m very touched you like my stories.

Regarding my endings--thank you for your kind words, but I have to say most of my H/D fics do not end the way I plan. Most of them were written in a big rush to meet a fest deadline, including this one. I was not at all satisfied with the end of this fic, but I realized that to get satisfaction from it, I would either need to rewrite the fic or write a whole sequel, because the story of Harry and Draco working toward a healthy relationship is not this fic. This fic is about getting them to a point where they might even want to work on a healthy relationship, and so by the time I got finished there was just not room to write the other things I wanted and I didn’t have time to fix it because of the deadline.

I think Harry could get to the point where he would bottom for Draco. I also think he could get to the point where there is a balance of power in their relationship. I think it would take much longer for him to get to the point where he would say that the reason he was comfortable with Tristan was because he held all the power. I honestly believe that that understanding would not come intuitively for him, that he would either need therapy or many many years to get there, possibly both.

I'm guessing you saw this, as you quoted the part about his unfamiliar expressions, but part of the point is supposed to be that Harry is lying to himself just as much as Draco, just in different ways. The way Harry sees things is:  Tristan as an essentially good person with many great qualities. Tristan's snobbery and selfishness and arrogance and entitlement and pettiness seem to be his flaws, but because Harry sees Tristan as good, Harry can accept these flaws. This leads Harry to not take the flaws very seriously--he feels they are surface attributes of someone who is deep down good. He even finds these flaws charming. When Harry finds out Draco is Tristan, because Harry believes Draco is not a good person, he takes the flaws seriously. He no longer sees them as surface attributes and takes them as evidence of Draco's deep down horrible character.

I think that because Harry still wants Draco so viscerally even after everything, and because Harry can still see all the ways that Draco is Tristan despite Draco's betrayal, Harry begins to understand that this is a very simplistic view of people and the world. Just because we're on the side that is against the side of the genocidal bigots does not make us fundamentally good, and being fundamentally good does not make our flaws light and fluffy and charming. And just because we're on the side of the genocidal bigots does not mean that nothing can be good in us, that everything you found good and lovely in us was a complete lie. Eventually, Harry learns  that Draco is a whole person, neither good nor bad in essence, just really someone who has done lots of horrible things, but has the capacity to grow beyond that. And as Draco does grow beyond that, Harry begins to love him as a whole person, rather than a black and white one.

This is the story that Harry sees and thinks that he experiences as he learns to love Draco.

However, I do believe there's another story under that, and that story is possibly one that Harry never understands.This story is about power, as you mention, but it's also about the depth of Harry's delusion. The main premise that drives this under-story is why Harry was so willing to believe Tristan was, in essence, good. Why was he so willing to see Tristan's faults as charming, when some of Tristan's snootier comments actually suggest some underlying pure-blood bigotry?

The answer is that Harry wanted to believe that. He wanted a person who wasn't real, and Tristan having flaws just made Tristan feel more real, even though he wasn't. And why does Harry want a fake? Because Harry doesn't want to be real either. He doesn't want to really share himself, or give pieces of himself he doesn't want to; he doesn't want to stop being a hero or spend time that may make himself face himself and who he is. In this fic, Harry is someone who does not know how to love except to perform acts of service, which I find believable because so much of his friendships were built on saving each other and working together to save others. He does not know how to relax, which I also find believable given all the abuse and hardship. This leads to repression and difficulty seeing to his own needs, which in this fic leads to him becoming quite controlling. In this fic he wants to relax; he wants to stop and take time with himself and those he loves, but he has become so pent-up that he doesn't know how to relax without being forced to do it.

However, being forced to relax is a loss of control, and the Harry of this fic is too messed up to find a way to do it straightforwardly. Thus, for him, hiring a sex worker means he is in control of the situation on one level, but can let go of control on another level. The fact that he wants to bottom right away with Tristan but took a long time with Weatherby (his ex in this fic) is further evidence of the fact that Harry is really only okay with ceding this control because he has a different kind of control over what is happening. It's the same, actually, with Tristan demanding that Harry not work so much and spend time with him. Harry wouldn't like it if a non-sex-worker-boyfriend were asking the same thing, because he wouldn't feel that he ultimately had control of the situation.

So, again, no, I do not think Harry would admit any of this or understand it about himself without a lot of work and time.

However, I'm just not sure he has to for Draco and him to have a happy, healthy relationship.

I think the story Harry tells himself--that he saw Tristan as good, Draco as bad, and that this is ultimately too simplistic--is actually enough for Harry to begin to let go of some of this control. Harry would have to realize, with this understanding that people are not black and white, that he wanted to spoil Tristan not just because Tristan was morally good, but because he likes to spoil people. Harry would have to realize that he enjoyed Tristan being selfish and demanding not just because Tristan was morally pristine, but because Harry actually gets hot for that kind of behavior. Harry would have to realize he enjoyed Tristan topping the fuck out of him not just because Tristan was morally flawless, but because Harry just really likes to get fucked and fucked hard. With Draco, Harry wants the happiness he had with Tristan. To get it, Harry has to allow some of the behavior that happened with Tristan, without that extra veneer of control Harry once had because Tristan was a sexworker that Harry was paying.

Draco would learn from this too--that he can still be himself, that he can still be demanding, that he can still fuck Harry. And with that would come more self-acceptance for Draco and more confidence, which would actually help him grow to become more like Tristan was. And that would make Harry more accepting as well. I think eventually they could have something that approximates a lot of the love and comfort and domesticity they felt during the month Harry contracted Draco, but it would be without lies, and without control, and without attempts to manipulate each other.

I think for that, Harry would not need to know that the reason it worked for him was because he had all the power.

I do feel like Draco probably understands it very well. I could see a long time after they finally become quite comfortable with each other, them lying in bed after fucking, Draco finally saying, "You do know you were only okay with me doing that to you at first because you were paying me." And Harry would say, "No, it's because you lied to me and had a different face." And Draco would say, "Mm-hm," and trace the circle on Harry's chest, and then eventually say, "It's also because you were paying me. You wouldn't have let anyone else do those things I did." And Harry would say, "I don't think you understand how attracted I was to you." And Draco would say, "Mm-hm," and trace some more. "But it was also because you were paying me," Draco would say finally. "You knew you were in control." And then I think Harry would finally think about it, but it would be so long ago, that finally he could say something like, "Yeah. I don't know. I guess you're right." "I'm always right," Draco would say, and Harry would find this charming too.

I hope I answered this very interesting question to your satisfaction, and sorry again for the wait!

#another mask behind you #fic #wildwinterus