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middlenamesage · 3 years

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Black Moon Lilith and Lilith the Character Archetype: My Reflections Coming out of Black Moon Lilith Conjunct the North Node

Following the astrological transits, both the collective and my personal, I have for a while noticed that when Black Moon Lilith is at play, it’s really hard for this to go unnoticed in my life. I always could sense this energy, I knew what it felt like, but used to find it hard to describe, or at least to dissect enough to understand with any valuable meaning.

Physically speaking, the astronomical point known in astrology as Black Moon Lilith is the point along the Moon’s orbit that is farthest from Earth (the lunar apogee), a point that changes position in the zodiac along with the changing orbit of the moon. To me it makes sense this point can be so potentially relevant to us, as all living beings are very much guided by the Moon, who keeps us in connection with each other. Out where the Black Moon is, in this metaphorical place of exile, it’s more of an “every man (or woman!) for himself!” vibe. Lilith is very much about the instinct of self preservation. It’s about resisting control or exploitation by others (and/or internalizing its effects). Often the two occur together as two faces of the same trauma. Black Moon Lilith represents the areas where life has taught us that we absolutely must advocate for ourselves. However, she can also bring shame and denial of wants wherever she is placed, or transiting, because this is something that generally develops where we have been told or shown we can’t have something.

Black Moon Lilith is in fact named for Lilith in the old testament/Jewish folklore, and the way we have come to make sense of its effects (rather, its correlations to our lives) is in considerable measure inspired by this character, and her archetype- who has many interpretations. Lilith was Adam’s first wife, before Eve, who left his ass! She refused to lie beneath him during sex, saying they were created equal. I think we can interpret this metaphorically, of course, as resistance to being controlled in many potential terms… but also literally, as there is a focus of unconstrained sexuality concerning Lilith, which I have observed has some definite relevance to the Black Moon too, but is far from the only or even the most important way to understand it.

Various legends say that after fleeing Eden, Lilith went on to become a she-demon/succubus/baby kidnapper/baby killer/so on….. (those are just the accusations I’m recalling off the top of my head). But over these many years, Lilith has picked up many other story lines, provided inspiration for phenomena such as Black Moon Lilith, and gained many evolving faces and interpretations. Other than being a religious figure, and/or a she-demon, some of her contemporary associations include witchcraft/dark magic, creative renditions in fantasy and horror, gothic culture, and the biggest switch of all, her status as the first feminist.

As a potent force from the most distant shadows of the Moon’s reach, where connection to one another is compromised and we must turn to ourselves to defend our basic natures, I’ve found that Black Moon Lilith can have both positive correlations- such as going one’s own way where it truly benefits one’s life, putting one’s foot down to mistreatment, and stepping into one’s personal power- and negative correlations such as pushing away and/or disregarding other people, general concern with defending one’s own initiatives, to the point where it is premature or anti-productive, and the shame, denial and/or rage that many have developed from being disallowed their power by others.

How we express Black Moon Lilith can be instigating healthy boundaries on one hand, and setting up unnecessary walls of defense on the other. It can be self respect on one hand, and self obsession/failure to consider others, on the other. It can be self protection on one hand, and self sabotage on the other. It can be shame and denial over who we really are/what we really want on one hand, and it can be where we liberate ourselves from shame on the other. Very often, it seems to dole out as a complicated mix of both the “bad” and the “good”.

It used to be that reflecting on my own experiences, despite my fascination with it, there was very little “good” I saw about the Black Moon’s correlations in my life. I came to associate the energy of Black Moon Lilith with a few of my “trauma responses” that have caused me to sabotage relationships. I felt she had helped me stand up for myself/walk away from people a few times when I actually needed to, but for the most part, she seemed to just make me quick to unconsciously wreck budding relationships, reject others, put up lots of walls, or not want to cooperate/compromise with others- even though this was also betraying my own desires deep down to be close with others. My natal Lilith is in Libra in my 7th house, so the relational element of her is especially relevant.

I think that this Black Moon wound of mine in the realm of partnerships has several big origins/perpetuators I can site, but one of the first and biggest that I can consciously analyze, is having internalized the messages I was told by a parent growing up (not necessarily said in as blunt of terms as I received them) that no one would ever want to be with me because I am too difficult to live with. (I was also shown this when my parents sent me elsewhere to live.) Internalizing this message about myself stripped away my personal power when it comes to partnerships. For so long I approached all relationships assuming they were damned to end before they ever got too serious (something I still do struggle with), and I long believed, a belief that at some times was not as much conscious as it was confirmed with my deeply engrained unconscious behaviors of sabotage, that a ‘true’ and committed relationship is simply something I can’t have. This long internalized belief has given rise to many of my independent behaviors in relationships... both in destructive ways that compromise my connection with others and/or alienate them, and in positive senses that protect my individuality and self respect.

Here’s the thing. I was never wrong to see my trauma responses in the force of Black Moon Lilith. Black Moon Lilith and Lilith the archetype are in fact rooted in trauma. We mustn’t trivialize that part. The defense mechanisms, rage, shame, denial, sabotage, the desire to leave people and things behind, and the general mechanisms for self-preservation which can accompany Lilith stem from instances where we have felt held down, lead to believe we don’t have power, mistreated, and in some cases even horribly abused/violated. But the reality of Black Moon Lilith’s painful origins does not make it all a bad thing! It can be a very empowering thing potentially, because where we are hurt is also where we can find the avenues for healing, and for gaining acceptance of our most authentic self and desires. And there is a very good reason we develop many of these less than savory reactions from traumatic experiences and messaging. Lilith teaches us to recognize our boundaries, and to reclaim the personal power that once was lost! - even if at times we may run too far with these prerogatives in stubborn quests for independence and personal autonomy wherever she resides.

Though I have been fascinated by and intent to ponder Black Moon Lilith for probably over a year now, my reflections on it, and later on the character Lilith for which the lunar apogee is named, have really gained a lot of new ground during this last month+ of Black Moon Lilith’s conjunction to the North Node. (Which is currently separating, but still in effect.) The Lunar North Node is another very important point in relation to the Moon’s orbit, which shows the path forward. Black Moon Lilith with the North Node in Gemini has proven too be so ripe with many new experiences for me to learn about Lilith. It’s hard to say if anything has actually changed about my relationship with Lilith, or if I am just starting to see more of the positive in her that was always there, instead of just noticing and perpetuating the glaring negative. Also, I decided it was about time to accept Lilith as a part of who I am. I can’t deny the power the associated energies and the archetype has had on my life, so I might as well embrace it- both the good parts and the parts that are a work in progress. (And that is the story of my new little stud earrings with the Black Moon Lilith symbol!)

One aspect of my relationship with Lilith that I think actually has started to bloom forth in more of a clear-cut positive way with this Lilith-North Node transit, is finding the power to actively and productively embrace a part of myself, via finding/claiming opportunities to keep cultivating this part, even though it’s meant having to disregard my reservations, and even fighting through some shame. I can see now that there is a whole world of great personal empowerment to be tapped into with Lilith, and not just in the ability to leave people behind. (But of course leaving people behind is one means she’ll employ, if it is necessary for stepping into her power!)

I have always seen myself as a writer. It’s not even by choice, and a great deal of the time, for a very long time, I have really resented this natural compulsion of mine. You see, I have a deeply complicated relationship with writing, one that undoubtedly needs some healing. Well, this Black Moon Lilith/North Node conjunction in Gemini, moving through my 3rd house of communications (and as I only found out the other day, also conjunct my natal White Moon Selena, i.e. the lunar perigee/polarity to Black Moon Lilith) ended up bringing me my first opportunities ever getting paid to write… something I guess I just used to assume I couldn’t do, due to my lack of a college degree, as well as the difficult relationship with writing and my paralyzing perfectionism. But with this transit, I placed aside my assumptions of what wasn’t possible for me, and I have some hope now that accepting the opportunity to write for other people, on subjects that generally don’t even mean anything to myself, may just turn out to be the good dose of objectivity needed to help restore some healing to my writing relationship.

Once again, where you’ll find the wounds in your relationship with your personal power, is also where you’ll find how to heal them, and use them to empower yourself and others- and that healing is really what Black Moon Lilith conjunct the North Node has been trying to facilitate for us all. Of course, the process is basically never straightforward and easy, nor all enjoyable. This transit has brought a wide range of Lilith experiences in my life to comment upon.

Some other occurrences have been: abruptly ending an extended off and on relationship with someone where there was always a good deal of power struggle (and would have been power imbalance if I had not stood my ground in a lot of instances), unconsciously driving away or creating distance with a few friends, being consciously and stubbornly persistent in putting more distance between myself and my family than ever before, and facing a couple situations providing awkward trial and error experiments in how I communicate my dissatisfaction to others who wronged me. But I know that all of these experiences are helping me to evolve, and to better understand my responses which stem from wounds that have set into me with the nature of Black Moon Lilith.

And I marvel at the fact that millions of other humans have also been going through experiences which are forcing them to confront and/or evolve their own instincts and behaviors associated with the Black Moon, whether they realize it or not.

Lilith says, “These are my boundaries[or conditions]. You will respect them, or I am outta here.” She says, ‘I know what I am capable of, so I’m gonna fight for it- even if I have to shut out other people.” The placement of our natal Black Moon Lilith shows a prominent area where power has been stolen from us, whether through physical or psychological means (and where the Black Moon is transiting can bring up these issues in other areas, as well). Lilith develops from a wound, and her determination to not feel the powerlessness again can serve as either the healing or the perpetuation of it.

* * * * * * * * * * *

P.S.

For any astro heads reading this with this knowledge of their birth chart, I welcome you to comment or reflect on where 5° Gemini falls in your chart. This is where the (currently separating) conjunction of Black Moon Lilith and the North Node occurred, so the house in your natal chart where it’s transiting, and any natal placements that may be in aspect to this point, especially conjunctions and oppositions, may be able to show where/how you have embodied or encountered Black Moon Lilith energy in recent times.

NOTE :

If anyone is wondering which “Lilith” in astrology I have been referring to, since it is a fairly infamous fact that there are actually 4 things bearing this name in astrology… I have for the most part only followed the mean calculation of Black Moon Lilith (and with Black Moon Lilith’s conjunction to the North Node, mean Lilith is what I’m referring to).

There is also Osculating Black Moon Lilith (aka True Lilith), which is a different calculation of the same concept I have discussed with Black Moon Lilith. A calculation that is actually technically more precise about the moon’s orbit, for the moment that it is taken, as the lunar apogee technically jumps around a little bit a whole lot… yet I have personally found Mean Lilith to be more worth following, especially when following collective transits, if trying to examine the effects of something lingering over an extended period of time, or if conceptualizing Black Moon Lilith’s cycles throughout the entire zodiac. I don’t doubt that the calculation of osculating Black Moon Lilith (which often is not too far from the mean calculation) has a lot of validity to it too though, perhaps especially for natal chart interpretations, and progressions.

As for the other two Liliths, there is the asteroid Lilith- but that is named for a French composer, not the Lilith archetype as we know her. Not saying it isn’t something worth looking into, it just hasn’t been a point of focus for me. And lastly, there is Dark Moon Lilith (aka Waldemath Moon), which is said to be a dark body of unknown origin revolving around the Earth- but there is a lot of debate as to whether it actually exists. I don’t have an opinion one way or another, and I haven’t followed it in transits. However, its placement in my natal chart, with an opposition to Black Moon Lilith for one, does peak my interest.

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artemqi · 3 years

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What is Happiness

》 Luke Pearce x Reader

》 "What is happiness?" A question that has been asked by someone on Twitter, you begin your journey to find the answer

》 2k words

》 mhy pls let luke be happy it hurts seeing him in pain :(((( enjoy<3!

"What is happiness?"

It's a question that not everyone can answer, many people have different answers, many people think they are right.

What is the right answer though?

Throughout our lifetime, we either get asked or ask ourselves this question. We live to find the answer to the question, many of us think we found the answer but end up at the beginning.

Some may give up along the path to happiness, some still strive till this day to find the answer they want. Some people may say that reality is the happiness that they want, but is this actually the true answer that they want to achieve?

While you were scrolling through Twitter this morning before going to work, you saw the question posted by someone you follow.

This got your mind to ponder.

You successfully graduated from med school and scored a job as a nurse at one of Stellis's best hospitals, you have helped heal many people and put a smile on them for the rest of their life.

Then why do you still feel this isnt the happiness you are looking for?

"(y/n), there's a new patient that just arrived. He used to be under the care of a friend of mine and he got moved to the hospital today, you will be his personal nurse during his stay here." Dr. Grenn, the one who opened the hospital, said with a soft smile. You looked at her as she gave you the tablet that contained information about the patient.

"He's staying in room 209, help him around until I prepare the medication course for him." She said, giving you a pat on the shoulder.

You nodded and walked out of her office, making your way towards the room. You decided to look down at the documents to know a bit about the patient.

Luke Pearce, a private detective. Its rare for people like him to show up at the hospital, he looks quite handsome in the picture that's on the tablet.

Something about him got you hooked to know more about him, that's the first time a patient made you feel this way.

Entering the room, you were quite shocked at the sight before you. Most people who stayed at the hospital always had a sorrowful look on their faces, they always had negative thoughts and were on the verge of giving into their sickness.

He is different.

"Noooo! I was so close." He said, lips turning to a cute pout as he stared helplessly at his tablet. He looked like a sad puppy who didn't get a treat.

Is he playing a matching game?

"Good afternoon." You greeted, closing the door behind you. The man looked up at you and his coral eyes lit up, as if he didn't lose a level in a matching game.

"My name's (y/n), I'll be your nurse throughout your stay here. If you need anything just press the button next to your bed and I'll come immediately." You said, giving him a polite smile.

He stood up from his bed and walked over to you, giving you his hand and a wide grin.

"Let's be friends."

》—■—■—▪︎♤▪︎—■—■—《

Since that day, Luke has been calling you to his room to chat most of the time, other times he would have questions about his medication and require some assistance.

You would talk about a lot of things, and in a short amount of time you two became close friends. Luke is a very fun and optimistic person, he is a person who you can easily strike conversations with and talk about anything without feeling awkward or the conversation turning to be awkward.

"So, why do you look like you just lost in a matching game 5 times in a row?" Luke asked, munching on some grapes as he looked at your dejected form.

"Another date ruined." You sighed, "I went out on multiple dates before, trying to find my 'soulmate' but all I got so far are disappointments."

Luke hummed, staring at the ceiling then tossed a grape in the air and caught it in his mouth.

"How about you just take it slow? Rushing into a relationship won't do you any good. Start off as friends first and start from there, once you get to know the person well enough then you can see whether it will work out or not, whether you will be happy or not."

His words made you see things in a different view, these words are accurate. A relationship will take a while to develop, you just have to take things slow and go with the flow. You have to think of your happiness.

"Luke, what is happiness?" You blurted out the question, the ginger haired male looked at you with his coral eyes staring at you with shock.

He pondered the question for a bit, his eyes glancing at the window.

"Happiness… It depends on the life of each person. For me, isn't being alive more than enough of a reason to be happy?" Luke answered, his coral eyes filled with warmth as he started at the window.

Being alive is more than enough reason to be happy. This sentence made you realise that people's dreams can be so simple and happiness can be very simple to the point that being alive is simply a reason to be happy.

"Why did you say that?" You asked, your eyes staring at his coral ones, which looked back at you.

"Life is the best thing to ever happen to anyone, no matter how harsh life is to you. Being alive is a chance for you to learn new things, experience things you want to experience, build your own future, and do many more things that will make you happy. All that happiness you experience in your life is because you are still alive."

That evening, you learned many things. Firstly, love will come along the way so just take things slow. Secondly, being alive is a beautiful reason to be alive. Thirdly, You started seeing Luke in a different light.

Luke Pearce is not just a patient here who wants to heal from his disease, he is not just a private detective who is determined to do his job. He is a simple soul who cherishes the gift of life.

》—■—■—▪︎♤▪︎—■—■—《

A few months have passed after this chat, you and Luke have been chatting all the while he was taking his medications and getting better each day.

You started to learn a lot about him, and about his childhood friend.

"Yknow, I made a ring for her. To propose." He muttered, taking something from his bag and showing it to you, the ring he made.

"That's very pretty, and the fact that you made it holds a very special meaning." You commented, admiring the ring between his fingers. Luke sighed and dropped his hand on the bed.

"That is until I found out about my condition and that I don't have much to live. So I decided to come back to Stellis and spend some time with her before disappearing, that time is more than-"

"Are you serious?"

Luke looked at you, shock in his eyes as you muttered these words while glaring at him.

"Weren't you the one who talked about how life is so precious and it is the main reason why we are happy?" You continued, standing up and grabbing the ring from his hand.

"Let me tell you something. Stop thinking about the day you will die, stop saying that you will die anyway and be selfish in that way. You will break her heart that way if you just came and left like that. You got a chance to live without thinking about that disease anymore!" You said, raising the ring to him.

"Hold onto that chance, hold onto your life and fight whatever's is trying to take it away from you, hold onto your happiness."

You then gave him the ring again and stormed out of the room, tears forming in your eyes.

Rushing into the bathroom, you let go of the tears, letting them stream down your eyes.

The sight of Luke not caring about his own life despite telling you how precious life is a few months ago broke you. Seeing someone give up on life so easily despite being a cheerful person is a sight that hurts the soul.

After that day, the relationship with you and Luke was put on hold. You would only come in to check on his body, give him his medicine and serve him food.

You didn't want to talk to him for the time being, and he seems to have the same thought.

In reality, Luke was thinking of the words you said and the words Aaron told him. He thought of Rosa, he thought of his childhood, he thought of you.

"You're right, I am an idiot. Life is too precious to easily give it up."

》—■—■—▪︎♤▪︎—■—■—《

"Great news! You are free to go!"

All Luke could do is stare idly at Dr. Grenn, who flashed him a big smile while holding her tablet.

"I did some checkups on you and found out that you are no longer infected. You are as free as a Falcon, now you can live your life without worrying about the three years." She finished, staring at Luke and giving him a thumbs up.

"Next time, don't go giving up on life like that."

"How did you know?" Luke immediately asked, Dr. Grenn just laughed and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Kid, Aaron told me everything. You remind me of a patient who was here 2 years ago, he was diagonised with Cancer and was supposed to die after 2 years. He used to think the same way, until he got a reason to live for and he made it. He was estimated to die 2 months ago, he is currently living his life to the fullest." She replied, giving Luke a soft smile.

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"What made you hold onto life?"

Luke stayed silent for a while, looking at his feet.

"(y/n)"

"Then go get them. I believe in you kid." She replied, standing up and walking towards the door.

"Stop calling me kid! I'm not a kid yknow?" Luke said, turning to look at Dr. Grenn.

She just chuckled and looked back at him.

"You remind me of the kid I just talked to you about. Lets meet again sometime, not here though!" She saluted, leaving his room.

Throughout his stay here, he learned many things and met people who he cherishes a lot.

Dr. Grenn, who gave him a new hope in life and was like a mother figure for him.

And you, the person who made him see life in a new way, and the person he trully loves.

As the days go by, Luke became acustomed to his life without worrying about any diseases, he started focusing on his own happiness. He started to focus on you.

Day by day, you two would talk, whether its by chat or calls, he would never miss a day without talking to you. Soon enough, you two started going out.

"Hey (y/n), I just had a memory." Luke started, you two were sitting on a bench in a park.

"What kind of memory?"

"When you yelled at me in the hospital."

You groaned, placing your face into your palms.

"Stop I feel embarrassed, but you did deserve it though."

"You're right, that's why." He stood up, walking up in front of you then kneeling down.

You stared at him as he knelt down, taking your hand in his and holding it close to him.

"(y/n), you gave me a new vision in life. You made me realize how precious life is, how we should never let it go. I'm in love with you, will you be mine?" Luke confessed, his hands slightly trembling and waiting for your reply.

"Luke, I feel the same way too. You gave me a new view about happiness and I will forever be grateful."

That night, you went back to the tweet you saw and replied to it.

"Happiness is life, cherishing life and living it is happiness. Life is the source of happiness that we are all looking for. Never let life go so easily."

#tears of themis #tears of themis x reader #xia yan x reader #luke pearce x reader #luke x reader #luke pearce #xia yan

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just-benni · 3 years

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i don’t wanna be okay without you

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

summary: Y/N gets an undeniable job offer that Bucky wants her to take. But if she accepts, it will mean long distance for them.

warning: angst, bit of fluff, mentions of sex

An offer of a lifetime, and everyone was calling her crazy for considering any option other than accepting it. The job, although a temporary one, it consisted of everything one would want in a job. The pay was good, the other benefits, and above all, it was Y/N’s dream career. If she were to take it, it would give her beneficial experience and overall good exposure. There was just one thing making this offer too good to be true and it held her back from making a final decision.

Y/N’s thoughts were interrupted when Bucky set the car in park. She didn’t allow him to open the door for her like he usually would. Tonight, the two of them were not on good terms. They were both out to dinner with her parents when her father brought up the job offer. Bucky was kind enough to step in and talk to Y/N’s father about it, seeing that she were uncomfortable. Y/N decided to speak up eventually, the comment she made insinuating that she didn’t want the job offer. From there it went down hill. Bucky and Y/N’s father both had the same expression of shock, showing off the creases in their foreheads.

Her mother, however, swiftly changed the conversation and to Y/N’s relief, the job offer was not brought up again. That changed the moment she walked away from saying goodbye to her parents, Bucky had bombarded her with questions. Eventually, she snapped at him and the rest of the ride was filled with silence or Y/N commanding Bucky to slow the vehicle down. The silence remained between the two all the way up to their shared apartment.

It wasn’t until she stepped through the door that Y/N finally spoke, “I don’t wanna talk about it. Tomorrow maybe but not now, not tonight.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” she could see from the corner of her eye, Bucky shaking his head as he shrugged off his coat. “You realize that, right?”

He seemed almost disappointed in the hesitation. Y/N hadn’t recognize how much Bucky really wanted this for her. She wondered if that opinion of his would change after he knew the entirety of it; the reason that was holding her back from saying yes.

“I said I don’t wanna talk about it. Please.”

“We’re talking about it tomorrow.” His voice was husk, evident that he was still angry. Regardless, Bucky laid a kiss on her head. It was a forceful peck that made her flinch, not going unnoticed by him but he let it go.

He stomped his way down the hall into bathroom to take his shower. Y/N didn’t even wait to hear the click of the door to break down silently. She stayed upright, leaning against the wall, and forced her way to the other end of the apartment knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold back the sobs. She felt like she were already losing him.

It didn’t take her long to get those tears out of her system. By the time she gathered herself, she had taken off her makeup and changed into some pajamas, waiting patiently for Bucky. From how long he was taking, she could tell he was shaving. She feared that the longer she waited the more likely she would be to get in her head and back out from telling him.

He stood for a few moments in the doorway when he finally entered the room. He examined her head to toe, waiting for the right words to come to him. His face had that look telling Y/N he was sorry. She nodded, and patted his side of the bed all while managing to keep her voice from shaking, “Will you come sit?”

“Were you crying?” He discarded his dirty clothes into the hamper, slowly shifting his way over to Y/N.

“Why don’t you come sit.” He hesitated a bit, sat down on the bed. Not to the spot she suggested but instead to the edge of mattress on her side of the bed. Without hesitation, Bucky took Y/N’s hand and gave it an affirmative squeeze; the sincere gesture only made Y/N want to break down into tears again.

“What’s goin’ on, Y/N?” His question lingered with concern. “Seriously, you’ve got to tell me so I can help you.”

She wiped a tear and looked to the comforter. Anywhere but his eyes, she couldn’t handle his piercing blue eyes. They weren’t approachable at a time like this. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

“What is it?”

“Everything I told you about the job offer is true but the part I left out is that it’s located out of the country.”

“Oh.” His mouth dropped open and it was like he’d forgotten every word in the English language.

“If I say yes, they’ll send me out to London.”

“London, as in, England?”

“Yes.”

“You knew this whole time and you haven’t told me?” She sighed. “I’m not mad, Y/N. But something as important as that, it would’ve been nice to know sooner.”

“If I told you sooner, we would’ve had this conversation sooner. I know it was selfish and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I wasn’t ready to talk about it with you just yet,” her voice couldn’t go any higher than a whisper. “That’s why I’ve been putting up this front the past few days. I don’t wanna take it.”

“No, it’s okay Y/N. This opportunity, you have to take it.”

“I can’t, Buck.” She finally looked him in the eye, shaking her head. Her voice cracked and tears flooded her eyes. “I can’t do it. I don’t want to be away from you.”

“It’s okay.” Bucky repeated it again and again while comforting her. He kissed her head and pulled her into his lap, holding her close and letting her cry into his shoulder. The thought of being away from Bucky kept the streams of tears going. Other negative thoughts trailed in eventually but she was so drained of energy and finding that she was out of tears.

Y/N managed to rest her eyes and catch her breath from the breakdown she just had. What was only supposed to be a few moments turned into her accidentally falling asleep, still being held in Bucky’s lap. She felt him trying to move careful and slow when setting her to lay down. Half awake, she clutched his arm and stirred awake.

“You alright?” He swept a chunk of hair out of her face to tuck behind her ear. Bucky went to retract his hand but Y/N moved it to her cheek. “Want something to drink?”

“Not really. I just want you.”

“London, huh? It’s a good thing you’re a tea-over-coffee kinda person.” Bucky lips curled upward but he was only putting on a face to send some sort of approval her way. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Their mouths met in a chaste kiss, then Bucky giving her another short one for good measure. He walked to his side of the bed and got under the covers. Both of them were now turned at their side, facing each other.

“I know you’re trying to lift my spirits but it’s not as great as you’re making it out to be. No life without you is a good one, I know that much.”

“It’s been a long day, Y/N. I need to process this and you need rest, desperately.”

“Tell me how you really feel. Because if you love me as much as you say you do then that means you must be hurting too.”

Bucky sighed, lying on his back now. He tried forcing himself further into the mattress, finding it impossible to get comfortable. “I’m feeling a lot of things.”

“You’re good at hiding it.” And she absolutely despised him for it sometimes.

“Tomorrow, Y/N.” She found his hand under the blanket and just kept it laid over his as they both drifted into sleep.

[morning, the next day]

Y/N woke up from a peaceful slumber which surprised her because of how emotional she was the previous night. Because she still hadn’t talked to Bucky about what he thinks, it left her final moments awake anxious filled.

She looked over to her side and relief washed over her, seeing Bucky asleep. Y/N weighing out the likelihood of going to London, she wanted to do one of her favorite things to do with Bucky: to lay in bed and cuddle, forgetting about commitments or how much time has passed. And a plus side, sometimes—majority of the time—cuddling led to some great morning sex.

She lightly kissed along his bicep, his chest, his neck, jaw, all along his face, and by then he’d stirred awake so she laid a quick kiss to his lips to finish it off.

“I’m surprised you’re not up before me.”

“It was hard to fall asleep last night.”

Y/N winced, feeling bad. “In that case, I shouldn’t have woken you. Sorry.”

“You just wanna use me for cuddles, I assume?” Bucky could feel the vibration of her chuckle. It was a relief to hear her laugh. It was a drastic difference from the distraught state she was in last night.

Y/N draped one of her legs shamelessly over one of his. Her head fell onto his shoulder, just above his chest. They fit perfect against each other, part of the reason she loved it so much. And Bucky secretly loved it, no matter how much he acted like he didn’t want her affection.

“You feeling okay?” He asked after nearly falling back asleep.

“Um, yeah. Better than last night.” She aimlessly drew shapes on his stomach and tracing over his prominent muscles.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking of how I won’t get to wake up next to you or be able to hug and kiss you.” After some silence she continued, “If we go long distance, it won’t work Bucky.”

“Don’t say that,” he scolded. “Why would you say something like that?”

“We have to be honest with ourselves.”

“It’s okay to have doubts but I’m willing to at least try, and so should you. Yes, it’ll be challenging. But you really think it’ll break us apart?”

“What then? Messages and FaceTime calls aren’t going to be enough. What if one day you decide you don’t love me anymore? All I want is for you to be happy.”

“You do make me happy. You.”

“You deserve someone who can give you their all, from here in New York, not from thousands of miles away.”

“Don’t say that, I’m—you’re it for me.”

“I don’t wanna go.” She didn’t intend to sound as whiny as she did. Bucky was ticked off by the conversation, separating from Y/N to begin his day.

“Why don’t I come with you?”

“And let your business with Steve plummet to the ground? No.”

“He would understand.”

“You’re not wrong about that but regardless, he needs you.”

“Then I’m gonna visit any chance I get. We’re gonna work this out.” Her mind instantly translate that out to, you’re going to London. “I’m making breakfast.”

Y/N remained in bed and browsed a number of apps on her phone for a few minutes until she finally decided it was time to join Bucky. She shuffled into the kitchen and sat at one of the barstools as Bucky was in the early stages of cooking something up. Breakfast was a specialty of his.

She didn’t know how to start up the conversation, which was ridiculous considering it was Bucky. It was rare that she felt this sort of discomfort in Bucky’s presence, but he took it upon himself to ask, “How come you didn’t tell me sooner? About London.”

“You already asked me this.”

“Well I’m asking you again.”

“Part of me didn’t want you to know. I thought about not telling you even at all.” She thanked Bucky when he handed her a cup of coffee. Continuing, “I knew if you knew, you’d force me to go and I just don’t wanna be away from you.”

“It’s just 18 months Y/N, it won’t be forever.”

“Seems like forever. Like I’m gonna miss out on so much.” Y/N forced herself not to think about it, tired of all the emotions and tears. She sighed, “18 months.”

“Well if you think about it, the lease for this apartment is up in nine months.”

Y/N shot a questionable look his way. “I don’t think I see where you’re going with this.”

“I’ll renew the lease or have something worked out. That way, by the time you get back, we can figure out where we want to live and we find a house. That was the plan all along, no? It just might have to be delayed, that’s all.”

“Initially, the plan was to live with each other for 12 months and come out without killing or injuring each other.” Y/N wore a mischievous grin on her face. “Remember that conversation?”

“You hated me for a while.” Bucky laughed to himself. “It’s safe to say we’re compatible though, no? You haven’t killed me thus far. And you’re bareable to live with, long term. Maybe we can get a house that comes with a working dishwasher.”

“Ooh, yes.”

It was a no brainer they would end up together. Bucky would be the one she married and grew a life together with. Even their friends have complimented how well they fit one another.

Bucky stared at her with a prideful grin, making Y/N grow timid like she used to when they first started dating. “What?” She asked through laughter. “What are you up to?”

“You’re gonna do great in London.”

“But what if-“

Bucky read her so well, already on his way to be at her side and comfort her. “Don’t ‘what if’, I told you, you’re it for me, okay? Whatever you think—that I might fall out of love with you—it’s not gonna happen.”

Finally, relief hit her. Bucky has proven himself over again, it was no doubt that he was in it for the long run erasing over all her doubts. Y/N got choked up from his words and the intensity of his gaze. “I was really wrong about you.”

“In what way?” He slyly maneuvered her out of the chair and placed her to stand on her feet. Bucky tangled his arms around her to rest at her lower back.

“I thought maybe you’d be upset that I got offered to go to London. But I think you’re more supportive now than you ever were before. I kinda hate you for it because that means I’m going to London.”

“You’re going to London,” he repeated following a sigh, burying his head into her neck.

“Are you sad?”

“I don’t wanna think about it.”

“M’sorry, Buck.”

“I wish I could come with you.”

“No you don’t,” she teased. “You are such a New York boy. I can’t imagine you living anywhere else but here.”

They both laughed, Bucky pulling away. “You’re probably right.”

“New York pizza and the people, your people.” Silence broke out and when neither could muster a response, they opted out for a hug. She curled her fingers through his hair. “You’re not gonna need me?”

“I’ll always need you. Definitely.”

“Definitely? Oh, good.”

“But I’ll manage through video-phone calls.” Bucky specifically backed away to see her expression.

Y/N facepalmed, shaking her head a bit. “It’s called FaceTime, Buck.”

“Whatever. I’ll send you letters if I have to.”

“You really think we can do long distance?”

“I’m not losing you and I’m gonna put my all into this to make us work. Just 18 months and I’m yours again.”

“What do you have in mind? How are we going to make this work?”

“Well I assume you’ll be coming back for holidays so there’s that. I’m for sure going to London for your birthday, maybe mine too. Then throw in a few spontaneous visits here and there. It’s only a five hour difference so I’m up by 6AM usually, that means it’s 11AM over there and I can spend my time getting ready and making breakfast talking to you, if you’re not busy. Or by the time I’m out of work it’s about midnight over there. Oh! We have to get you those power adapters—“

“You’re it for me too.” Y/N leaned in, closing the space between them. “I love you.”

“I love you more. Come here,” Bucky raised her in his arms, setting her to sit on the counter. “You believe me when I tell you we can make this work?”

“I do.”

Bucky felt his heart squeeze, hoping to hear those words again one day.

He stood in between her legs with his hands reaching under her shirt, doing more wandering than they probably should have been. “It’s not gonna be easy or perfect in any way but I would rather us take up the challenge than for you to give up your dream because of me. I would never forgive myself if I let you stay here and waste your potential.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love.” He horribly mimicked a British accent. The couple physically cringed at it which quickly translated into laughter.

“Might wanna stick to cooking.”

After that lighthearted moment, Bucky went back to making breakfast as she shuffled through yesterday’s mail. Then it occurred to Y/N. “Bucky?”

“Yes, love?”

“What about sex?” Bucky drops his spatula to the floor, the plastic clanking against the tile.

His eyebrows raised and from the reaction he gave off, she burst out laughing. Bucky laughed along with her and replied with a sarcastic remark. “On second thought, I don’t think London is a good fit for you.”

“Bucky!” She yelped when Bucky lifted her up, forcing her against the closest wall. “What are you doing?”

“You’re going to London so it’s only logical that I start makin’ love to you now.” He said against her neck, lightly sucking at the skin there. “Give you something to remember me by.”

The moment was interrupted by the alarm of the oven and his stomach gurgling. She cupped his face in both of her hands. “Sounds like a plan for today but food first.”

“Yes ma’am.” He kissed her sweetly, “Looking forward to it.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes #fluff #angst

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montystarotchild · 3 years

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💌 Life Path Readings (1-9)💌

Happy New Years everyone! I hope it was beautiful for each and every one of you all. I wanted to start the year off with an in depth reading addressing our Life Path numbers and the journey that we will be taking this year depending on each of them. All of the lessons of life have an over-arching theme of archetypes that look similar to others but become more distinct for each individual. We all have a story that only we can tell. This reading will help you to clarify, deep down, what you may already know and to act as a reminder whenever you need it along your path. I will be linking below the site you can use to calculate and read more about your own life path number. I hope you enjoy and cheers to a prosperous New Year!

Calculate your Life Path here: https://creativenumerology.com/life-path-number/

✨Life Path 1✨

This year you are being asked to step onto the path that’s marked ‘yes’! Your archetype for this year is The Bridge. The bridge is where we cross into the unknown on purpose. We do this in order to experience something that wasn’t on our side of the bridge originally. As a life path 1, your purpose is to learn all about the self. We are all meant to know ourselves but you specifically will initiate your passions based on what you discover about yourself. There are things within you that haven’t been recognized in a long while. This is the year where you will be tapping more into your instinctual wildness. You will be listening to your own inner voice as a master guide to lead you where you need to be. This voice is connected directly to Source and will never steer you wrong. While some may see you as self-centered, you actually work very well with others when it is needed. But as a life path 1 it is important to find a healthy balance of giving and receiving energy while interacting and working with others. It’s also important to acknowledge your attachments to things that keep you from acting upon your dreams. You should only have room for the things that match you energetically and for people who strive as you strive. This is where you can create with others very smoothly and lead effectively. The journey this year may look a lot like last year. It’s kind of like walking the same path everyday in the daylight and then having to walk it again in the dead of night. You can sense each step and it feels familiar but there is no sight to confirm what you feel. That is your intuition and you must trust each step. If your fear of potential or need for validation is keeping you from experiencing life and stagnant, it is time to release. No one can tell you where to go next, you must intuit this for yourself. Some of you may be singers, dancers or performers in general (spoken word poetry, live art, etc.) and this may be your main way of expressing yourself. It is time to believe in your talents and purpose. If you feel as if it is hard for you to accept your wins this year without an audience, speak with your ancestors. They are your biggest cheerleaders and are always rooting you on! Remember, “if a problem is not accepted as a problem, a solution may never be found.” Address those negative thoughts and free your soul.

✨Life Path 2✨

As a Life Path 2, you have been sent here to be the Judge. When we think of judges we think of harshness and punishment but that is the energy of the physical world, not the higher realms. You are here to bring balance, peace and serenity. As a child this could have been a magical gift that you were always tested to use. As an adult, the use of our discernment is essential to our daily decisions but as a child we are still learning these talents and how they work. You may have been put in many situations as a child where you were to be the mediator. Especially between parents but this could be between siblings, friends or even close family members. You may have always been seen as a sounding board for others. I’m seeing that this wasn’t always the easiest for you. You may not have had the time or space in order to learn about this gift because others were always demanding things of you. Now is the time. If you feel as if last year your goals did not materialize as fast as you wanted this message is especially for you. Patience. If we do not wait it out we can never know the results. This may have been something that kept you from moving forward with any creative ideas, for fear that they wouldn’t come about. This could have conditioned you to think small and leave “dreaming big” for others to do, even though your intuition is telling you that you too can live a great and abundant life and it’s not something you have to wait to be handed. The pains of the past have already happened and there is no need for you to bring them with you along your journey. Even if you aren’t completely aware of your unconscious actions, you may still feel hints of the past replaying in your present. This doesn’t have to be. You can let go of all that is no longer supporting your growth. As you are healing from childhood trauma I see that you will be swept away in a new study. You could be learning more about meditation and intuition and finding books that talk about both. As you absorb this information you share it with those around you that you care for deeply. I find it ironic that the number 2 talks about connections but every single card in your spread only has one person depicted. This is a reminder for you to not lose yourself in others. There can be no true connection without independence. I also see that the moments that you are able to sneak to yourself (the shower, taking a bath or even taking a toke 🍃) may seem wild at first if it isn’t something you are usually able to do but can be very therapeutic for you. Also, if you are looking into different ways to manifest, look into water magic. It might not be as intimidating as you think!

✨Life Path 3✨

What a beautiful reading! This will be a monumental year for you to truly tap into the depth of your own feelings. 2020 may have been a very “reactive” year for some of you. You may have found yourself reacting to situations strongly and emotionally without truly understanding why. If you found yourself starting shadow work towards the end of the year then clarity may be coming to you now. But for others, this may still be a confusing time and that is more than ok. When we first wake up for the day or from a nap it takes us a moment to gather ourselves right? Well imagine that you have been asleep this entire time, be gentle in the waking process of your spiritual consciousness. Because life has seemed so mysterious and “impossible” to crack you may feel as if you have missed a lot of the signs that could’ve kept you from engaging in situations you should’ve avoided. It is time to release replaying those moments because they have led you to today. And to unpack this emotionally may still seem like a daunting task for you. Most people refuse to face the unknown, will stay stagnant rather than move further into the future. Not you though. You have no problem exploring the unknown because interesting people and places lie within the fog. One thing that you may carry with you is a mask. You may enjoy changing your “appearance” in order to fit the room. You doubt that the real you would be accepted into the rooms where you really want to be. This year you are walking away from that mindset. You know that a true artist digs into the depths of their soul in order to create the things that change the world. It’s all about emotional fulfillment this year. Last year we learned that if it doesn’t move us it can’t come along this passionate journey of life. You are here to connect others with your words and the images you create out of them. There will be many opportunities for collaboration this year if you open yourself up to that energy. But before you can revel in that creative energy you must come face to face with yourself. There is a need to balance your emotional scales, which are so important when you are working with other people. If you don’t know where to start, your Ancestors are here to help you with anything you need, you simply need to ask. “Spirit, how can I uncover my hidden feelings/emotions today?” This is an opportunity for the floodgates to burst open within you. It may not feel like the easiest transition, and of course it won’t all happen at once, but this is where you find your creative spark. Because it is imperative that one come before the other, if not, you may show a level of cockiness to others that can be an emotional response that you aren’t fully aware of. Another way you can practice opening up to yourself more emotionally is by journaling. Write your most intimate thoughts and feelings down. When you can read them freely without judgements maybe practice your hand at a bit of poetry? It may really help with discovering the amount of depth you truly hold.

✨Life Path 4✨

This is going to be a powerful year for you 4’s. Things will seem unfamiliar but that is because things will be changing right before your eyes. Being born with a Life Path 4, you crave stability, structure and knowing. When others speak of change you may close off, feeling as if everything is exactly where it’s meant to be in your life, even if it’s not. This year you are coming from out underneath the covers and addressing what has probably been there all along. If you have found resistance in yourself when it comes to making a decision to act upon a thought, this message is especially for you. You are needing to step out of the mindset of control. You want to make the right decisions while receiving the right outcome but that isn’t what this year is about. Why limit yourself to what you believe is right when there could be many other different options that are equally as fitting, if not more? This is where you find your true feelings, in the midst of the storm. Think about something you really want to do this year. If no one else was around to decide for you, would you still be confident in the next steps you took towards that goal? Confidence is your key to success. Your belief in yourself will be the deciding factor on how 2021 will play out for you. I can tell you now, the more action you take (with less calculations of the end results) will take you to places you couldn’t have imagined! And you couldn’t have imagined because you still wanted that one way to work out more. That’s ok! If someone tells you they don’t struggle with controlling the outcome of life then they are lying. We all do. But for you, as soon as you release this need, new pathways begin to open up. I am seeing that many of you have been manifesting new networking connections, careers or financial opportunities. This can and will be successful! Your sole purpose as a Life Path 4 is to enjoy the work that you do. If this is not your current state or you are unemployed this only leaves the trajectory of onwards and upwards! There may be a mentor coming in for you this year. It can either be a masculine figure or they have masculine qualities, it could even be your father. They are going to assist in you connecting with the spark of life. There may be many other kindred connections coming about either through this new person or thereafter but I am seeing that you are surrounded by nurturing and compassion. This person(s) may teach you through lessons they have already learned, which will help guide you even more. You can relate to what they tell you and it may even help to uncover some of these hidden emotions behind your controlling. Either way, the connections in your life will be aiding you in these unfamiliar times, ensuring that you continue to nurture yourself. Do not lose hope, just because you can’t see the miracles doesn’t mean your wish isn’t being fulfilled!

✨Life Path 5✨

This year you are awakening the Healer within. As a healer (not just in the traditional sense) you understand that just like life, healing isn’t linear. You know that there can be many different paths to a common goal when it comes to healing. This may have taken you a while to understand or there are parts of this theory that you are still learning but either way, you are aware. You have really been working with the spiritual realm in order to manifest in the physical world and this has done you well. You continuously come face to face with your magic and everything that you are capable of. A part of this manifestation may be like minded folks who not only cheer for you but have their own ambitions you can cheer on as well. This year mutuals will be able to fully support and share in all of the magic that you are creating in your life. As new opportunities and financial gifts enter your life those who are around you who haven’t tapped into their own potential may not understand how you got so lucky. You may have others trying to intrude upon your sacred space trying to find out how it is that you do what you do and do it so well. You can be a very flexible person at times understanding that certain etiquette wasn’t granted to everyone but this year is a year of boundaries. If you feel as if certain boundaries are weaker for other people just because of who they are it is ok to reinforce with love. Being so adaptable allows you to shift your perspective whenever it is wanted or needed. With the proper boundaries in place you will receive confirmation on those who you can feel comfortable celebrating your wins with. This year will be a huge year for confirmations for you. You may even ask a question out loud and have it answered by Spirit that very same second. Especially if you see signs in 3’s, this is a divine message important for you to take notice of. As your true circle either grows with the right ones or, shrinks down to a tolerable and accurate number of supportive mutuals, take space for the pain it took for you to grow through this change. Separation isn’t always as easy as we think it would be even if we know we need it. With 2021 being the year of 5 (2+0+2+1 = 5) you have the double influence of change this year. This will be an important year for you to make a habit of constantly checking in with yourself. With so much change going on around you, your emotional self must maintain some kind of grounding. (333, 111)

✨Life Path 6✨

You are tapping into some ethereal magic this year 6’s! Last year you may have spent a good amount of time working with your spiritual self so this comes as no surprise. Your creative spark has been ignited in the presence of Spirit. You are honing your skills and mastering your talents. This may have been energy that you easily fell into in order to push aside an emotional response trying to get your attention. Your studies may have taken your observations inwardly where you discovered that you were accepting a lot more than necessary. Taking on emotional responsibilities that you are either hesitant to walk away from or are unaware of or ignoring your need to. This is also a very spiritual spread, highlighting clairvoyance and heightened senses. As you elevate energetically you may also tune into others’ emotions and energies accidentally. As you are exploring your spirit be sure that you are listening to your intuition as to what belongs to you and what belongs to someone else. Releasing the emotions and energies of other people will help you to clearly see who you are and all of your potential. Revealing your true self. Look into spiritual baths/showers and the process of cleansing your aura to help with releasing. A lot of you could be channeling your creative entrepreneurial spirit, wanting to heal the world and its inhabitants. Your ambition for this passion and your pure light continues to push you forward but you aren’t certain towards what just yet. If you are feeling strongly that there is more to the story when it comes to your dreams and manifestations, look deeper. You may be receiving signs from Spirit that you are dreaming too small, that there can be more. I am seeing that that doesn’t have to be an issue any longer. You could be coming into contact with a form of divination that helps you to continue to reveal your destiny. Either through Astrology, charm readings, tarot, life progression readings etc. You will be manifesting and reaching your goals of self-realization through this as well. This is the most important part of your message 6, when your manifestations begin to appear, do not question if they belong to you. That is the point of working on your intuition, so you don’t have to question, you just know. This is going to trigger a great change within you but you must not fight it. This destiny is yours.

✨Life Path 7✨

This year you are recognizing the pain current in your life and the boundaries you set up as protection at first but ended up being a source of limitations. Based on the life path 7, being as unique as you are, you have felt isolated for most of your life. Meaning just because you are in a room full of people doesn’t mean that you are showing up fully as yourself. There are layers to you that most cannot penetrate. Keeping people at a distance ensures that they don’t have an opportunity to learn you and then reject your most vulnerable parts. While this has been a comfort for you for so long you are receiving more and more confirmation as to how this is no longer serving you. Remember, when messages show up in 3’s it is divine. You are a seeker of knowledge but most knowledge can’t be consumed or discussed with others if you are afraid to let people into the sacred space of your mind. There is someone new coming in this year or this interaction has already happened, trust me you’ll know. This could be a quick interaction with a complete stranger or someone who is still fairly new to you. They are here to expand your point of view. This person’s open mindedness will inspire and intrigue you to open your own horizons a bit more. You could have a flash of ideas or inspiration that invites in a moment of reflection and nurturing care for yourself. Within this process your discernment looks similar to the ways of your new friend. Your healing will bring you a new level of mental clarity where you can clearly recognize your “boxes” more accurately and bravely step out of these confines. This won’t happen randomly of course. Spirit is aligning an opportunity for you to witness and experience a moment of awe. You may be exposed to a work of art, a composition of music or something that you view as a masterpiece. Are you interested in making something like that or something of your own? This is your moment to try! You never know what could come of it and you don’t even have to share it. Through this work or just in general you are finding your balance. Your body will be calling out for rest at the end of all of this and it is your duty to listen. No matter how good passion feels we must never give into burnout. If you believe in the possibility, it’s time to tune into both your feminine and masculine energy to truly understand what your body needs and when it needs it. We are all made of these merging energies where we learn to stand in our authority with an openness to vulnerability. Do not be afraid 7’s, this is all a part of the puzzle of you and there’s no way you can do it wrong.

✨Life Path 8✨

This year you are uncovering more to your own story 8’s. You may have spent 2020 doing extensive shadow work but you recognize that it never truly ends and there is always more to heal. Hence the infinity sign (∞) represented in your number. Based off of the childhood of people with the life path 8, you may have a tendency to lean into burnout culture. This may be because of being raised in an ‘all or nothing’ atmosphere. You may have been challenged frequently to do “better” as a child and that now manifests in all that you want to accomplish today. As an 8 life path you have a lot of goals set and all leaning towards financial security. But a large part of your shadow work this year is learning when to rest. Rest doesn’t have to mean always sleeping but taking intentional moments in your day just to exist. This is the year where you learn yourself and what you need intuitively. Some lessons are harder to extract from our psyche but you are tired of always being ‘on’. Your intuition is being called towards independence and freedom. You are being guided into the astral planes where earthly limitations do not exist. Here you will gain more spiritual knowledge and find your truth. You won’t have to do anything special to reach this new experience. Your soul has it’s very own connection to the Source of life. All you have to do is be. This year you are also learning the lesson of “this and that”. What this means is that something can be “this” but it can also be “that”. You may have had a decent childhood (this) but there is still trauma that you have to address and begin to try to heal from (that). This year is all about honesty. As a result of this patience with your soul work you display this same patience in all that you manifest. Where you may have been anxious or impatient for the results of previous manifestations, this year your dreams’ growth reflects your own personal growth. As you are reawakening beware of your speech towards others, especially those who you feel may have held you back. Intentionally or not. You have a way with words and can use them as a weapon if not cautious. Instead, taking your fast wit and humor inwardly and examining yourself through a less critical viewpoint will assure that no one is harmed in your inquiry. No matter how strongly you feel about others and their expectations of you, you must release your need to react. There is a difference between standing in your authority and not allowing others to sway or bully you vs reacting off of something that may have truly hurt you in the moment. Your deeper connection with Spirit will show you exactly what is important to fight for. It’s not for the last word but for all of your hopes and wishes. They are all coming true, it’s just time to stay aligned, no matter what.

✨Life Path 9✨

This year you are taking a deep look at yourself 9’s. I am going to start off by saying that this process is going to take some strength in patience because no healing is linear. We usually like to see the fruits of our labor the day we’ve put the seed in the ground but there’s an entire watering process that we are missing. You are the seed #9. You may have noticed something recently. You are unsatisfied or unhappy with your surroundings. You may have a hard time finding simple things in your room. Or there’s never any silverware clean when you need to eat. And laundry? Forget about it. If there is disorder within your home, your sanctuary, might there be some emotional cleaning that needs to transpire first? It is true that doing daily physical activities are much harder to do when there are unsettled thoughts and feelings trapped within the body with no release. Before anything can be addressed maybe taking a walk will free your mind up for some “heavy lifting” thinking. Or if you can’t get outside and haven’t yet, take a nice shower in order to connect with the water element. There is something that you have been back and forth about within your mind. Something that you want to take a leap of faith on. Sometimes we view ourselves as these small beings that life happens to. And other times our mind drifts to the idea that there is more, that you are more and are here to experience more. Which is true! But when we are so focused on what we want and our purpose for being here, the more, we tend to laser focus. We want this outcome so badly and we will cover every step to ensure that we get it. And when we do we must keep going. This year you may be finding that this doesn’t actually manifest your desires any faster. If anything you may find yourself wishing on stars that have already lost their luster. There is someone coming in to set some realizations straight for you. It could be them sharing their purpose or just a wise word that could really help you in your situation. Of course all ways be careful with strangers sharing their own thoughts but take what parts of the message ring true to your heart. Are there areas of your heart that are closed off from hearing something healing? Beneficial? Why? Do you view compassion as a weakness or a strength? This is only the beginning of your deep introspection 9’s. There are many layers to your emotions that you are just beginning to open up to. Take each life lesson brought to you with a different level of emotional maturity. Allow yourself to fall into the vulnerability of all that is you. This will bring in a breath of fresh air and clarity for you. Your thoughts will be diverse and you will be decisive. And if you are able to find a safe moment outside try something for me, open your arms out wide, tilt your head back, take a deep breath in and scream “THANK YOU” to the stars above. How did that feel?

If you enjoyed this reading please like/reblog! As this is a general reading, tipping isn’t required but always appreciated. 💖

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#positive message #oracle cards #divination #free readings #tarot services #tarotcommunity #tarot #tarot reading #life path #life path number #2021 tarot reading #2021 #montystarotchild

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secondpubertyscene · 3 years

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8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

#personal blog #vent blog #black ftm #black transman #black tpoc #black mental health #personal writing blog #sociology #sociology phd program #covid #grief

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81scorp · 3 years

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21 tips for writing humor

This was not written by me. It was written and uploaded to deviantart Jan 13, 2017 by DesdemonaDeBlake.

All credit goes to her. I just copied and pasted it here.

There are many theories as to the nature, science, and reason for humor. It's an element of human behavior that seems objective in the skill that is required to execute it successfully, and yet just as subjective for how unpredictably it can hit every individual audience member. Today, I'm going to talk about the various forms that humor takes, and give you some tips for making your humorous story a success. To start with, lets look at what I will call the “five scales of comedy”. (Please note that the following is not intended as definitive list of the only sources and scales of humor in the world, only the ones that I have been able to identify within my own life, time, limited understanding, and culture. Also note that I will use the word “Humor” instead of the word “Comedy,” simply because I do not want this discussion on genres to be confused for the type of story that is opposite of Tragedy.)

The Five Scales of Comedy

A story or other source of humor can usually be found along the lines of five different scales. These are: High Humor vs Low Humor, Sweet Humor vs Acidic Humor, Distanced Humor vs Close Humor, Predatory Humor vs Reflective Humor, and Clever vs Ridiculous Humor. These scales stand apart from the sub-genres of humor (dark, slapstick, dry, etc...), and have to do with how the humor affects the audience. Note that there is no “best” type of humor; there is only humor that works in different ways and which impacts different sorts of people. So wherever you find your story in the scales, know that there is no need to change it unless you want to. Also, the names of the scales are just that—names. Just because your story falls into the category of “low” humor, doesn't mean that it is any less valuable than “high” humor.

Range 1: High Humor

Within the range of High vs Low humor, what we are discussing is the how large an audience we are trying to reach. High humor involves jokes and comical situations that are only understood by a very select group of people. An example might be a comedy series that focuses its humor on the experience of working in a corporate office (like … The Office), or perhaps political commentary. These are only funny to those people who have shared the experience or the political knowledge of the person generating the humor. Basically, the higher the humor, the more the entire set-up begins to resemble an inside joke. This type of humor is excellent for gaining the interest of select demographics who you may want to address. For example, if you only want to talk to nerds (I say non-insultingly because I am one and am proud of it), you might have lots of references to science fiction and fantasy.

Range 1: Low Humor

On the opposite side of the range, you have Low Humor. Low Humor deals with topics, jokes, and situations that are more universal to the human experience. An easy example of this is a fart joke. Everyone in the world farts, and most people are in touch enough with their inner child to think that it is funny if the joke is skillfully set up. Again, there is nothing wrong with low humor; and in certain situations it is even preferable. The lower your humor, the larger your potential audience can be. Other examples of low humor might be family life, slapstick, and situational comedy based on everyday experience. Shows like Spongebob Squarepants, for example, involve such a low degree of comedy that people of all ages, demographics, and locations across the world are able to find delight in it.

Range 2: Sweet Humor

The next range of humor, Sweet vs Acidic, deals with the intensity of the humor itself. Sweet Humor involves jokes, situations, and characters that require less pain and cynicism to appreciate. For example, a story that involves simple characters bumbling around, making mistakes, overcoming, and becoming better people for it would generally fall into the range of Sweet. We don't laugh at their misfortune (or if we do, its lighthearted and with limited consequences, like slipping on a banana peel), we laugh because their situations are joyfully amusing.

An example of this are the sort of jokes and humor found in Youtube “Lets Plays,” like those of Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. We don't laugh because of anything bad happening to these people (or the characters that they play); we laugh because they are eccentric, silly, and joyful in a way that also makes us feel joyful. This form of humor can be tremendously encouraging and uplifting to the types of readers who enjoy it.

Range 2: Acidic Humor

On the other hand, we have Acidic humor. Much like with food, most people have strong preferences and limits to how acidic (spicy, sour, or bitter) they like their humor. Acidic humor deals with laughing at topics that are increasingly serious or even tragic, such as death, illness, social injustice, etc... A popular example of acidic humor is South Park. Those of us who enjoy acidic humor will find ourselves laughing at topics that would otherwise likely bring us to tears. The power of acidic humor is that it helps its appreciators to cope with the difficult truths of life, and also to acknowledge problems that we are otherwise tempted to ignore because they are too hard to think about.

An example of an issue addressed in South Park is the elderly, their treatment, and our fear that we will face the same. Sure, when we watch an episode we laugh when the younger characters mistreat and abuse the elderly in the community. However, a conscientious viewer will then begin the chew on the issue, once the episode is over. We'll look at our own actions, and begin to wonder if our treatment of the elderly is just as bad. Because of the acidic humor, these difficult truths come to the forefront of our minds, we gain the courage to actually think about them, and we can even bring them up in discussion with others. This discussion can then lead to people changing the world for the better.

Range 3: Distanced Humor

This range has to deal with the necessary emotional distance we need in order to be able to appreciate a certain level of humor. Even with lighthearted humor like slapstick, which has very low acidity, the audience needs to be distanced in order to laugh. For example, if I watch Bugs Bunny wallop Elmer Fudd on the head with a mallet, it's generally pretty damn funny. I know that these characters are both flat cartoons with limited depth to their character, and that as non-beings they don't really feel pain. Therefore, I don't have empathy to Elmer's pain (because it is really non-existent), and I can laugh. However, if the show were to show me Elmer's life, how he's been a vegan but famine has caused him to need to find meat to feed his family, and how he struggles to even shoot at a rabbit because it makes him feel like he's betraying himself; then I'm not going to laugh if Bugs hit him with a hammer. I'm too close, and need emotional distance in order for my empathy to not get in the way of my humor.

Range 3: Close Humor

We do not need distance in order to find something funny. With close humor, the jokes and situations actually rely on how well we know the characters and how much we empathize with them. An example of Close Humor is Scrubs. In the show actually find ourselves within the mind of the protagonist, JD, and seeing the entire world through his eyes. He tells us about his insecurities, his genuine pain, his fears, and we actually really care about him as a character. Yet, we find humor in his minor misfortunes and even in his silly victories. The closeness of our perspective amplifies the events that happen in his life in a way that distanced humor cannot achieve. For example, when he stutters and says something embarrassing in front of someone he idolizes, we find ourselves giggling. If Elmer Fudd were to stutter in front of someone he idolized, we wouldn't laugh nearly so hard because we can't possibly understand the stakes of the moment or why meeting this person is so important to him. We need to be close to a character for Close Humor to work.

Range 4: Predatory Humor

With the range of Predatory Humor vs Reflective humor, we are discussing who will be the “butt” or target of the joke. (Note that a joke does not necessarily need a butt, as we will discuss later.) While often used in a negative way, in order to bully and shame others, predatory humor is not a bad thing in and of itself. Predatory humor can be used to tackle and harm negative constructs and ideas in our society. For example, Fairly Odd Parents used to frequently attack neglectful and abusive parenting. Note that the while Timmy's (the protagonist of the show) Parents were frequently the butt of jokes, they were also not the real target (just like parents in general were not the target). The targets were their selfish and non-reflective actions that had damaging effects on their son. We can use predatory humor to attack ideas, and point out the evils that are so often overlooked in society. The trick is to always keep vigilance of your own mind, actions, and motives to makes sure that you do not become a bully who targets the people themselves. Because even if someone acts in an evil way, bullying them will never cause that to change.

Range 4: Reflective Humor

On the other side of this range we have Reflective Humor, which serves to make fun of itself. Again using South Park as an example, the creators would often make their own beliefs and ideals the target of their ridicule. For example, it's fairly clear that the show speaks in favor of LGBT rights and for their being accepted as equals in society. However, they also go as far as to mock people who are so over-enthusiastic and pro-LGBT (to the point of hypocrisy). Another example is when the show begins to teach a moral lesson, the writers will often make fun of themselves through the character of Kyle for being so preachy. The effect of the show making fun of itself is two-fold. First, those of us whose beliefs South Park mocks feel like the show is being fair. Thus, we continue to listen to and respect the views of the creators, even if we don't always agree. Second, we trust the messages of a story more when it has the integrity to point out its own failings. Note that unlike with other scales, Reflective and Predatory Humor can actually be interwoven so that a joke or story makes fun of itself just as much as its target.

Range 5: Clever Humor

The last range of humor that we'll discuss is that of Clever vs Ridiculous. This range is fairly self-explanatory, but the core of its nature is what sort of punchline is delivered at the end of a humorous situation. Clever humor takes the audience expectation and amplifies or twists it to an unexpected place. You can see this in the work of comedians such as Louis CK and Demetri Martin. Martin, for example, has a humorous bit about doorways that say “Exit Only.” The joke then involves his compulsive desire to tell store workers that they underestimate the potential of those doors by about 50%. The delivery of the punchline is true and logical, but it such a way that it humorously exceeds audience expectation.

Range 5: Ridiculous Humor

Opposite of Clever Humor, we have ridiculous humor. This is when the punchline of a humorous situation is so absurd that we can't help but laugh. And example of this is the Spongebob Squarepants episode where he and Squidward get lost while delivering a pizza. They become lost in the wilderness and spend the episode becoming more and more so. Then, right at the end, Spongebob exclaims that they are saved because he's found a big beautiful boulder, the likes of which the pioneers used to ride for miles. And, to make matters even more ridiculous, the boulder works—driving just like a car. We find humor because the punchline is simply so grandiosely absurd that we can't help but enjoy it. Note that both Clever and Ridiculous humor require a great amount of skill and thought to pull off successfully, it's just a matter of your preference and your target audience.

The Five Sources of Humor

Once we identify what type of humor we are employing by using the scales, the next thing to consider is what makes our stories funny. This is something of a challenge, because we don't generally put much thought into why humor makes us feel the way it does. The humor either hits or misses, and we laugh or we don't. Making matters even more complicated is that there are so many theories as to why and how humor works—with everyone from Aristotle to Freud interjecting an opinion. But if we look at the particular sorts of things that make people laugh, we can improve how we use humor in our stories.

Source 1: Misfortune

Whether a cartoon character is slipping on a banana peel, or a character in a romantic comedy finds themselves in an embarrassing situation, the misfortune of others seems to be the most popular form of humor. This is why slapstick and funny home videos have been so prevalent in modern humor. Plato and Aristotle seemed to believe that this was because such humor made the audience feel superior to the characters being ridiculed (Superiority Theory). This seems especially true when we see unlikable characters (like the villain in a children's cartoon) experience misfortune in a comical way.

Though Superiority Theory has its place, I would assert that there is an alternative way that people enjoy misfortune. Perhaps the experience of slipping on a banana peel or being in an embarrassing situation is funny because of our own memories of experiencing the same thing or something similar. Freud and others theorized that humor was a release of energy (Relief Theory). Maybe our camaraderie with the character, mixed with emotional distance from the scene we are watching, creates a safe space to release our own stored feelings of pain or embarrassment. Thus laughter really does become a healing force.

Source 2: Absurdity

In his essay “The Myth of Sisyphus”, Albert Camus defines and explains the absurd.

“It's absurd” means “It's impossible” but also “It's contradictory.” If I see a man armed with only a sword attack a group of machine guns, I shall consider his act to be absurd. But it is so solely by virtue of the disproportion between his interaction and the reality he will encounter. […] Likewise we shall deem a verdict absurd when we contrast it with the verdict the facts apparently dictated. (29)

Though Camus is not talking about humor (rather the existentialist question), I think that the absurd is a source of humor. Audiences are often entertained by the absurdity of a situation. And by looking at Camus' explanation, we can hypothesize that this form of humor comes from the disproportionate contrast of action and situation. An example of this might be one of the last battle-scenes in Braveheart. In this scene, victory looks unlikely, the dramatic tension is high, and it seems to be the most serious moment imaginable. Then, upon being signaled, the protagonist's soldiers pull up their kilts and reveal their bare asses to the enemy. It's so unexpected and so absurd, that many people cannot help but to keel over laughing.

This scene is completely disproportionate to what we would expect to see in this dramatic a moment. The action does not suit the situation, but in a strange way it also kind of does—with the action juxtaposing itself against the situation. Perhaps, just like with misfortune, absurd humor creates a needed release of energy, connected to our own sense of existentialist absurdism. The absurd could then serve to release our feelings of despair in a positive light. The show, Rick and Morty, seems to be built on this connection between absurd humor blended with existentialism and nihilism. Of course, this is just a theory. What you'll want to focus on when writing absurd humor is the relationship of your characters' actions to the situations that they find themselves in. Are they lost in the desert? Have them climb a boulder and ride it home. The stronger the contrast between action and situation, the higher you'll make the potential for absurdity.

Source 3: Wit

Wit is the essence of Clever Humor; its the pithy intelligence that makes us laugh because of all the thought put into a situation. When we hear a witty joke or are part of a witty situation, we find ourselves moving in a forward humorous momentum, instead of the backwards and diagonal momentum of the absurd. But we don't stop at the expected location. For example my mother called me a few months ago, asking me if I was going to wish my brother a happy birthday. The expected response for this sort of set-up/situation is to answer “Yes” or “No”. But I went forward and beyond “No” by asking why she wanted me to congratulate my brother for being one year closer to death (I have an acidic sense of humor sometimes). This reply was much more thoughtful than what my mother expected, and pointlessly taken beyond the realm of reason. Therefore, she found it funny.

Perhaps there is an element of the absurd in any given amount of witty humor. It's as if we are taking extra steps to be as intelligent and rational as possible—ending with us standing somewhere close to the absurd. Using Camus' illustration of absurdity, the soldier with a sword wouldn't necessarily attack the machine guns, but instead go home, refusing to sacrifice his life to be a metaphor. You can see this sort of humor in Youtube series such as How it Should Have Ended. In this series, animators take a closer look at popular movies and then make efforts to enforce logic in worlds and characters that didn't have them. This includes having Severus Snape use his time-travel gizmo to go back in time and kill Voldemort before he became a problem—an action that is so logical that it erases the need for any of the Harry Potter stories to even happen. So when you create witty humor, look to take things beyond the realm of expectation—aiming for the absurdly reasonable.

Source 4: Anti-humor

Anti-humor is when something is so unfunny that it becomes funny, sort of like puns. As we find delight in the absurd and the unexpected, humor and jokes can begin to feel predictable. We begin to look for the solution in jokes, and we're usually smart enough to begin to be able to predict it. In this case, the expected becomes surprising. An example is the classic: “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.” If you haven't heard it before, this anti-humor joke is actually kind of funny. A great example of this are the great collection anti-jokes found online.

You can take anti-jokes to the next level using extremely acidic humor. This is where you take serious, grievous, or tragic topics and use them as the punchline for your joke. For example, a joke about a fatal illness is not funny because the person making the joke finds that topic amusing (otherwise that person needs some counseling). A joke about fatal illness can be funny to some people for the exact opposite reason—because of how dark and unfunny it is. Again, I believe this ties into a release of negative energy while in a safe space, and the processing of difficult emotions. If you plan to use the extreme form of anti-humor, please note that many people have very legitimate reasons for not enjoying it. So be careful, and give your audience some sort of forewarning so that you do not spring something so emotionally charged on them without their consent.

Source 5: Familiarity and Value

When I was taking university writing classes, I had an extremely eccentric professor who had all sorts of mannerisms that were unique to him. In the moments when he was particularly eccentric and acting out of his true nature (which he was quite comfortable with), I would find myself laughing, even if the situation wasn't funny. I think others can relate to this, as we all love to talk about fun people that we used to know, and find ourselves laughing even when what we are remembering isn't particularly funny. We laugh because those people acting happily out of their own nature gave us joy, and so anything they do creates a laughter that feels akin to humor.

This mirth through familiarity can be accomplished in stories as well. In Bob's Burgers, for example, we really don't even begin to understand the humor until we develop an attachment and feelings for each individual character. Sure the situations are mildly amusing, but true laughter and humor doesn't begin until we know the characters, their likes, their dislikes, and who they are deep down inside. Once we know that, we laugh as each character acts out of their nature. When we see Louise (one of the protagonists) act with mischievous intent, we laugh even before we know what she's doing because we are happy that she is about to act out of who she really is. Note that this is a rather difficult sort of humor to pull off because you have to create a relationship between the characters and the audience before the humor will be possible.

General Tips for Humor

Tip 1: Create a patterned and uniform blend of humor for your story.

When you choose what sort of humor you plan to use in your story, the best way of maintaining audience enjoyment is to keep it constant. Just like when we watch a stand-up comedian, we begin to develop a taste and sense of expectation for whatever we are watching or reading. Over time, your audience will begin to really appreciate the flavor of your humor, and that appreciation will make your jokes increasingly funny (so long as they are creative and continue to be intelligently crafted). The pattern will also make all of your jokes seem, feel, and become purposeful. Your audience will enjoy this much more than if you seem like you are desperately trying to milk the humor from anything you can get your hands on (you perv).

I recommend you begin by analyzing the origins of humor in your story's world. Is the world simply absurd, with unseen gods of chaos just dropping coconuts on people's heads for pure amusement? Does the humor come from a specific character? A group of funny people living in a serious world that they must learn to cope with through humor? A funny narrator with a unique perspective on life? Once you figure out the origins, determine where your humor will fit on the scales (it doesn't have to be on any extreme, you can stay in the middle of the scales and still be hilarious); and then figure out the source.

Tip 2: Create a genuine story with genuine characters, in order for humor to gain the most power.

If we value stories in terms of how much people enjoy and remember them, the best humor stories are those with good plots and characters. This may seem counter-intuitive when your intent is to make your audience laugh, but think of it this way. If an audience wants just concentrated jokes, they will read a joke-book. Your audience is choosing to dredge through the murky waters of story in order to find the humor with more difficulty because they want a blend of story and humor.

An example of this is the movie,“Austin Powers.” Many people, myself included, watched these movies before we ever watched the James Bond movies that they were making fun of. And we enjoyed them greatly, and laughed the entire way through. Why? Because the characters and story, ridiculous as they were, were good enough that we actually invested our interest and emotions into them. As an added bonus, the story has become timeless and respected in its own right. Even if we face a future where nobody knows who James Bond is, the Austin Powers movies will be able to stand on their own merit because they are more than just jokes.

Tip 3: Be careful about dating yourself.

Speaking of parody and humor losing its ability to be funny, let's talk about references that date our stories. Humor at the expense of popular culture (movies, politicians, celebrities) is a fun ploy of high-humor. It's especially useful for nighttime comedy shows that will be lost to time anyways, within a couple years. When you are writing a novel, however, you are trying to create something that will last a bit longer than that. Additionally, novels take a lot longer to write than an episode of a late night comedy show. This means that by the time you publish and people begin to discover your book, they may not know who the vapid pop star you're making fun of is. Your humor will be lost to time, and your book quite possibly forgotten. Of course, I'm not telling you that you can't use this sort of humor, just that you should be aware of the risks it holds.

Tip 4: Mark every line that is supposed to be funny, and make sure that it is.

Nothing detracts from a story or from a spirit of jovial humor so much as an obvious joke that falls flat. It's like watching an acrobatics show. If the acrobat falls on their face too many times you'll either be embarrassed for them or you'll empathize and start worrying for their safety. Either way, you won't find the situation amusing. In your own personal copy of the manuscript, mark every joke for analysis of whether it actually succeeds and whether it serves to empower the story. Then, ask your editors, test-readers, and writing partner to circle every point that they genuinely found funny. Be sure to pick test-readers who fall into the niche you are writing for, as well as those who do not. If nobody but you marked a specific joke, then you need to either get feedback for how to make it funnier, or else cut it.

Tip 5: Write within your own expertise and authority.

This does not mean that you can't laugh at things, and poke fun at things that are outside your realm of expertise, so long as you have done your research. But consider the power of an insider making a joke about something that you are a part of vs an outsider doing the same. It would be like the difference between me calling most writers narcissists (as I am one, and know that it is pretty true in most instances) and a politician making a joke and calling writers narcissists. I mean, what right does that asshole have to judge us, even if it is true? The point is that your jokes gain power when you can tell them with the confidence of an insider. Not only that, but your audience who is a part of the group at the butt of the joke, will be much more gracious and feel far less attacked when the joke comes from one of their own.

Tip 6: Humor is personal

Humor is something that is highly individual to specific groups and people. For example, I do not understand, nor am I really able to appreciate most British or Spanish comedies. This is not because they aren't funny; they are just as valid and hilarious as every form of comedy that I do enjoy. The reason is simply that because of either how I was raised, my life experiences or because of who I am by nature, I can't enjoy them any more than I can enjoy olives on my pizza (seriously, I hate them). It doesn't matter how artfully these types of humor are composed, there is simply no effect akin to joy, amusement, or laughter when I come across them. In other words, the problem is me and not them.

All this is to make three points. First, it may be more difficult to find test-readers and worthwhile criticism for humorous work. Even if I'm really good at critiquing stories, I will not be able to give you any helpful feedback if your humor doesn't match with mine. And that isn't your fault any more than it's my fault. It's just a difference in taste. Second, humor is as personal and close to the heart as any other story or craft. When you create a joke, you are channeling whatever emotions and mixes of experiences have led you to the type of humor you have. So recognize the emotional bond between yourself and your humor.

The third piece of advice is for those on the other end of the spectrum, those experiencing the humor of others and perhaps trying to give advice. Please recognize that others' sense of humor is just as valid as yours. Whether their sense of humor is simple, complex, dry, witty, dark, acidic, sweet, or anything in between, it is their sense of humor and not yours. Be careful in how you voice any attempts at criticism, as there are few ways to break your friends' trust and confidence as completely as when you tell them, “That's not funny.” You might as well be telling them that their heart sucks, and they are a sucky person.

Instead, acknowledge the differences in people's humor, value it even if that humor makes you uncomfortable, and voice your criticisms accordingly. Try: “This joke wasn't successful with me, and might be perceived as racist/bullying/insensitive to some readers; so seek other feedback to see if it's just me.” You will voicing just as honest an opinion, without formulating a direct attack against the person who has trusted you with something so delicate to them.

Weekly Recommended Watching: Doraleous and Associates by Hank and Jed. (A free animated fantasy Youtube series that manages to successfully mesh several humor types with an over-arching plot. Examine how even there are plot elements that are serious and even sad, the series maintains its humor through well-balanced distance and wit. And if this form of humor does not amuse you, that is perfectly valid and your own unique sense of humor is still a valuable thing.)

#81scorp #21 tips for writing humor #comedy

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years

Text

Feels Like Falling in Love

Mark X Reader

Genre: Cheesy fluff

Word Count: 6.5K

Summary: You are assigned to a science project with Mark and over the course of working on your project together, you end up falling for the soft spoken introvert and little do you know, he’s falling for you too.

A/n: (He has such pretty fingers wtf) Anyways, I’ve been wanting to write a story about nerdy Mark for a while now and I got the idea from my science fair in the 8th grade idk just the thought of Mark being a soft spoken and shy “nerd” is the most adorable thing ever ugh I miss Mark

“Alright class, for your next upcoming project, you and a partner; which I have already pre-assigned will choose a scientific research topic to work on for your last assignment before spring break. This project is work a huge percent of your grade so I want you all to put as much hard work and dedication in to this specific assignment as you’ve done for the last few months of this semester. Once I announce whose going to be working with you, you will spend the rest of class coming up with ideas and brainstorming with your partner. This is a three week long project and although I’m giving you quite a generous amount of time to work on this project, I expect nothing but grade A products. Okay, let’s start.”

Your teacher began to call out the names and as you looked around the room, you soon grew nervous at the idea of working alongside someone who would be no help whatsoever during this entire project. There was nothing more you hated as a senior in high school than group projects. It seemed as if all of your classmates were well aware of how smart and hard working you were and how much time and effort you put in to every single assignment you had. In the past, you’ve found yourself getting taken advantage of because of how kind and selfless you could be and sometimes you’d end up doing the entire project by yourself.

One thing you wished you could change about yourself was how much of a pushover you could be. Being the social butterfly you were, you made friends with practically everybody and anybody. Everyone knew they could depend on you for whatever it was they needed help with and they knew you would never say no. Unfortunately, it was never in your nature to ever tell someone no. The last time you told someone you couldn’t do something for them, you felt guilty the entire day and ended up going along with whatever it was that they asked of you.

Soon everyone was being paired up and the only people that were left was your two best friends BamBam and Jackson, and one of the smartest people in your entire grade; Mark Tuan. Mark, in more or less words, was considerably the biggest nerd there could ever be. He knew the answer to any question someone had related to education. If you needed a calculus problem solved, the answer to who discovered North America or the summary of “The Great Gatsby”, Mark was your guy. He was known to be quite the introvert and had very little friends.

You’d find him with his face buried in a book or playing video games on his Nintendo switch. Even during class, he never seemed to pay any mind to anyone and only spoke up in class whenever your teacher would call on him. As much as you loved your friends, you were secretly hoping your teacher paired you up with Mark. You were sure she was aware of the two class clown’s reputations and how they were both borderline failing. Knowing that information, you couldn’t help but feel as if she would give you one of them instead of the quiet boy in attempts to help both Jackson and BamBam with their grades. If they put as much time and dedication in to their studies as they did with sports and house parties, then maybe they wouldn’t be on probation from graduating.

“For the final four, I’ve thought about this for a long time and although I know I’m making a mistake for obvious reasons, y/n, you’re going to be partners with Mark and Jackson, you’re partnering up with BamBam.” You let out a sigh of relief and had to stifle back a laugh when you heard Jackson begin to whine at your teacher’s decision.

“But Mrs.Young, I cant be partners with BamBam—you might as well give me an F now—ow! I’m just telling the truth! It’s obvious our dumbasses aren’t capable of getting anything done.” Jackson and BamBam began to bicker but your teacher was quick in getting them to stop talking and went over some important information that would help you all with the project. Once she was done explaining what she expected of the class, she sent you to get in to your groups with the intent of having you and your partner get started on your planning.

As you started to reach for your things in order to make your way towards Mark, he just so happened to take the seat next to you and quietly placed his things down. “I—um—hi y/n.” You gave him a soft smile before pulling out your notebook.

“Hi Mark. So, do you have any ideas on how you want to find out whose mouths are dirtier; Dogs or humans?” He nodded in agreement before handing over notes you assumed he must’ve wrote down as your teacher gave out the topics. You knew Mark was incredibly intelligent; the teachers never failed to rave about how quick he’d solve answers and how he always turned in assignments the day they were assigned. Seeing his notes and all of his ideas made your head spin. There was no way you’d come up with any of these ideas and you were extremely grateful that your teacher put you and Mark together.

��Wow—these proposals are amazing. How did you come up with these in less than five minutes?” He shrugged before looking around the classroom and sneakily taking out his phone when he noticed your teacher was busy talking to another group.

“I just typed the question in to google. But I’ve actually done research on this topic in the past. I have a dog named Milo—he tends to lick me a lot and I was curious as to how dirty his mouth is—sorry. Too much information.” You shook your head to let him know it was okay. Although this was the first time you’ve ever interacted with Mark, you were pretty sure with the reputation he kept up as the teacher’s pet and “the most reliable geek in school” that this was probably one of the longest conversations he’s had with anybody and you couldn’t help but feel a little excited at the thought of him being comfortable with you.

“No no—that’s really cool. I’d be interested too if I had any pets. I mean, they drink toilet water and eat their own poop, I’m sure their mouths are extremely dirty. Imagine waking up to them licking all over your face only to find out they were sniffing another dog’s butthole.” When you heard the soft giggle fall from his lips, you felt embarrassed at how you had no filter. You tended to talk a little too much about the most unnecessary things sometimes and you were sure you got that from Jackson. If you were having this conversation with one of your friends, you wouldn’t have felt as weird but seeing as how you and Mark hardly knew each other, you didn’t want his first impression of you being a bad one.

“Sorry, now I’m the one giving out too much information. This all sounds really good by the way. Did you want to start scheduling when you wanted to meet up to work on the project?” He took out his planner and began flipping through the pages to this week and looked over the days. Seeing him use a planner made you happy for some odd reason. It was probably because you knew there was a possibility Mark was probably the only student who put the school’s planner to good use. Jackson lost his on the second day of school but he never used any of the past planners any way.

“I’m free after school tomorrow if that’s good with you. Maybe we can use my dog as the experiment and then we can both test ourselves and compare the two? Would you mind coming over to my place?” You smiled and nodded in agreement and you began to feel something weird in your stomach as you started to think about spending time with Mark. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find him attractive. Even if he wore big, circular glasses and his wardrobe consisted mainly of khaki shorts and polos, he was extremely good looking and you were sure that if he were to join a sport rather than the math and robotics team, then maybe he’d embrace his looks just a bit more. But at the same time, there was something you liked about how he presented himself to everyone. He was quiet, shy and a very introverted person; however it made him well—him.

You were sure he was content with the way he went about with things and nobody ever seemed to bother him in a negative way which you were grateful for. You never knew why, but although you didn’t know Mark personally, over the course of having him in this class, you couldn’t help but observe him every now and then and you’ve slowly grown fond of his quiet and gentle personality. You’ve also become very protective over him and whenever BamBam or Jackson would make jokes about what a nerd he was, you’d find yourself defending him.

Once class was over, you and Mark exchanged numbers and planned to walk over to his house as soon as school was over. You couldn’t help but be excited to spend time with Mark. He seemed to be one of the only people you had yet to build a friendship with and you could only hope that he would want to become friends with you. For all you knew, Mark could be the type of person that was all work and no play whenever it came to his education and you were sure that was the reason for his good grades and the dozens of scholarships he received back in your junior year.

When you began walking towards your locker, you weren’t able to even turn the dial once before you were joined by tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum and they both had the biggest frowns on their faces. Deep down, you knew exactly why they were coming to you and no matter how many occasions you’d find yourself giving in to them, this time was different. Not only did you want a good grade on this project and a partner you could depend on, but this was your only chance of becoming closer with Mark and you would shave your head bald before letting either of them get in the way of your desired objective. Before Jackson could open his mouth, you were already shaking your head in disagreement; earning yourself whines from the both of them.

“No. My answer is no.” Jackson crossed in arms in frustration as BamBam decided to take things another direction. As soon as you felt him wrap his arms around you, you quickly pulled yourself from out of his embrace and gave him a knowing look.

“Y/n, you don’t even know what we’re asking for—“

“You want me to ask Mrs.Young to switch our partners. I’m not stupid. I knew this was going to happen as soon as she announced the pairings. My answer is no and there’s nothing either of you can do about it. I’m going to tell you both now, your puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work on me this time. Mark and I already planned out our project and instead of trying to get me to change my mind, which; is already set by the way, you two should start brainstorming on how you can stop bread from molding.”

The three of you have been friends for over ten years, so you knew the many tricks they had up their sleeve and you had a feeling they would do whatever they could in their power to get you to rethink your decision. As much as you wanted to be able to help them in any way that you could, they were high school seniors who needed to be responsible for themselves. You were their best friend, not their mother and you weren’t going to sacrifice your grade and having a partner who’d actually do his share just to make your friends happy.

The next day, your mind was too busy with thoughts of Mark and working on your project that you didn’t pay much attention in any of your classes. You’ve seen him in class every single day and you’ve known the soft spoken boy since middle school, why were you so flustered at having to work with him? If it were anyone else, you’d have such an easy time to interact with them. But something about Mark made you shy and you could only hope you wouldn’t embarrass yourself during your study session. When the last period came around, you walked in to class and saw that Mark was sitting in the seat next to yours. You gave him a small smile and found yourself warming up when he returned one back.

“Hey, I actually started working on the assignment last night. Our topic is actually very interesting and I couldn’t help the aspiring biology major inside of me. I took some DNA samples from Milo after we came back from a walk but I wanted to save all the fun stuff for later. You’re not allergic to dogs are you?” You shook your head in disagreement and felt a smile growing on your face the more he went in to detail about his enthusiasm. If you already thought Mark was just by his quiet and extremely polite nature, hearing how passionate he was about science; a subject almost everyone in your grade seemed to hate made your heart flutter.

The two of you haven’t even started working on the project just yet. How were you going to control yourself around him for the next couple of weeks? Throughout the lesson, Jackson and BamBam attempted to send melancholic looks your way as their final attempt to get you to switch partners with one of them, but you were too interested in what Mark had to say to pay any attention to either of them. You had a hard time understanding how someone could make different types of bacteria in dog and human saliva sound so cute. Once class was finally over, you and Mark began making your way over to his house.

Luckily, he didn’t live all too far away from school because you felt like the walk would be extremely awkward and quiet. Sure, you were known to be outgoing and sometimes outspoken to the point where someone had to tell you to quiet down. But things were different with Mark. He made you feel flustered and intimidated just by his presence alone.

“Can I be honest with you?” You looked up at him and nodded while motioning for him to continue his question. “I’m glad we’re partners. I uh—I was hoping Mrs.Young was going to pair us up together. I know we hardly know each other, but you’re the only other student in the class who genuinely seems interested in learning. You’re always giving her your attention unlike everyone else who seems to either fall asleep or go on their phones. I look forward to working with you y/n. I know I’m not the most outgoing or talkative person ever, but if it’ll make you feel more comfortable I’ll try my best in communicating with you.”

Hearing that he was willing to go out of his comfort zone to make sure you felt comfortable sent warmth to your cheeks. You also couldn’t stop replaying what he said about observing you in class in your mind. For someone who didn’t seem to interact with anyone other than teachers and his friends, he seemed to have an easy time talking with you and you could only hope he felt like he could be himself around you.

To your surprise, Mark was quite the conversationalist. He began talking about so many things and asked you questions that he claimed he was curious about. You would’ve never thought that Mark played both basketball and baseball in middle school nor did he seem like the type who enjoyed baking but he promised you his chocolate chip cookies were to die for and that he’d make you some once the two of you made it to his house. After almost twenty minutes of walking which literally seemed like five minutes with how much fun you were having learning different things about the handsome boy, the two of you reached his house and like the gentleman he claimed to be, he opened the door and allowed you to walk in first.

“Please don’t mind the mess, my sister visits with her daughters every now and then and I think my mom mentioned something about them coming over today. Plus Milo has his toys scattered all around, but make yourself at home. I’ll get us something to eat and then we can head upstairs to my room—I mean, if you’re okay with that. If not, we can work down here.” Seeing him scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment made you giggle softly to yourself. It was a habit of his that you noticed he’d do every time he felt bashful or nervous. It was cute. He was cute and you were quickly finding more and more things about him that you liked the longer you stayed with him.

“Mark sweetie is that you—oh hello! I’m Mark’s mom. You must be y/n. You’re right Mark, she’s extremely beautiful—I mean—you know what I think your dad needs me in the garden. It was nice meeting you dear! Don’t hesitate to ask me if you need anything.” You turned your attention towards the ground, trying your best not to make it obvious that her words made you feel as if your heart was about to jump out of your chest. It was one thing for his mother to compliment you, but to hear her agree with Mark on how beautiful he told her you were made you feel giddy inside. He thought you were beautiful? You wondered what else he must’ve told his mom but you decided to keep it to yourself because you knew with the way she practically bolted out of the kitchen that she wasn’t supposed to say that. Although, you were extremely happy that she did.

“Uh, please don’t mind her. You know parents—they can be quite embarrassing sometimes. Can I get you something to drink? We have orange juice, lemonade, water, Pepsi—“

“I’m fine with water. Thank you.” He reached in to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water and some sandwiches before making his way to the cabinet and grabbing some chips.

“Follow me.” The two of you made your way up the stairs and a smile began rising on your face at the sight of all his family photos. You didn’t know that he had three other siblings and it made you snicker at how much they all looked alike. Good looks obviously ran in their family. When Mark didn’t feel you following after him, he took a look to where you were and his eyes practically jumped out of his head when he saw you looking at photos of him when he was younger.

“Oh God y/n—stop—don’t look at those they’re so embarrassing. Why didn’t I think to cover them up?” He briskly walked over to you and absentmindedly grabbed at your wrist gently and pulled you behind him in the direction of his room. You were thankful he wasn’t looking at you because you were sure your cheeks were as pink as they were warm at the skin ship. His touch was soft and it was quite feather like for someone who was trying to pry you away from childhood mementos.

As the two of you entered his room, you were quick to notice just how much his room matched him. Although you had so much to learn about Mark, the multiple anime figurines on his desk along with a couple of action movies on his wall, his PlayStation, Xbox and a mini globe on his night stand emulated exactly what you’d picture his room to look like. His room was quite tidy for a guy; there was no where you could sit in Jackson’s room and you were sure there had to be a rat living somewhere in BamBam’s with the way you couldn’t even see the ground. He pulled out the chair from his desk and motioned for you to take a seat as he walked right back outside. Mark gave you no time to ask where he was going before he reentered the room with whom you assumed to be Milo.

“Here is our test subject. Say hi Milo.” He placed Milo down on the ground and the little pup immediately made his way towards you.

“He’s so fluffy and extremely adorable. Mind if I pick him up?” He shook his head and you allowed Milo to jump on to your lap before running your fingers through his hair. You were so in to playing with Milo, that you didn’t realize the look of admiration on Mark’s face as he watched you play with his dog. A toothy grin rose on his face watching you squeeze and play around with Milo and it made him feel warm inside. This was the longest he ever went spending time with a girl. Being the introverted person that he was, it was already hard for him to interact with other students. What more with girls? Especially girls he found very pretty with a bright and bubbly personality.

If someone were to tell Mark that he would be in his room with the girl he’s had a crush on since freshman year, he would’ve laughed in their face but here he was; watching you holding and leaving soft kisses on his puppy while sitting at his computer desk. He had to be dreaming. The two of you came from different worlds; Mark hid himself in his books and spent most of his time in the library whereas you were constantly joining all these different clubs and befriending almost everyone on campus. He never thought he stood a chance with you; let alone being your friend. Watching you from afar in class, helping your friends and practically anyone in the class you had a hard time understanding the material on top of being the only optimistic student in a bunch of pessimists is what got Mark to develop a little crush on you.

He felt like it was stupid; how could he gain feelings for someone he hasn’t even talked to once in his four years of knowing them. But he didn’t have to know you personally to know how much of an amazing person you were. It was all he ever heard about from teachers, your fellow classmates and even some of your friends. You were the school’s social butterfly. Everyone who knew you wanted to be your friend and naturally gravitated towards you. It didn’t help that he thought you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and the fact that you had an equally beautiful heart made things even harder for him.

“You have call of duty black ops 4? Where’d you get it? It’s been sold out everywhere for months!” Seeing you so excited over something he was also heavily interested in brought him joy. You were so adorable. “My uncle’s friend is actually a video game artist, so he got a few copies and gave me one. Did you maybe want to play once we finish—or we could play a little bit now and work on the project later. We have a few weeks to work on it so we should be fine.”

Deep down you knew that you should’ve been starting on your project, it was the reason why you were currently at Mark’s house in the first place but you couldn’t help the fact that you’ve been dying to get your hands on the new installment of your favorite video game and like he said, you both had plenty of time to work on it. You didn’t mean to pout at the idea of waiting till later to play and you found it weird how natural it felt being around Mark, but you liked it and you could get used to it. He handed you the controller and you navigated through the game like a natural.

To say Mark was in shock at how good you were was an understatement. Most girls Mark knew would never go near a game console let alone play such a difficult game with such ease. At one point, you were doing way better than he was and he found himself smiling like an idiot at your eagerness to kill all the bad guys. For the next few hours, the two of you took turns playing while snacking on the sandwiches and chips he brought up for you both. He even sneaked away to the kitchen to get you some of the cookies he mentioned earlier and your reaction was the most adorable thing Mark has ever seen. Your cheeks were puffy and you had a mouth full of cookies, but that didn’t stop you from telling him how delicious they were.

The two of you were so focused on playing that you didn’t realize exactly what time it was until Mark’s mom knocked on his door and asked you if you were staying for dinner. Not wanting to intrude on his family, nor were you mentally prepared to meet all of them just yet, you politely declined and thanked her for her hospitality before calling your dad to come pick you up. While waiting for your parents to arrive, you and Mark continued your conversation from where you left off earlier before giving all your attention to his xbox.

Listening to Mark talk about things that most people would consider boring felt like a breath of fresh air. He had to be one of the only people if not the only person you knew who preferred listening to classical music than to what was playing on most radio stations. In the few hours you got to spend with him, you decided that Mark Tuan was one of your favorite people and you couldn’t wait to learn more about him and bond with him for the next couple of weeks. When your mom let you know that they had just arrived, you said your goodbyes to the Tuan family and thanked Mark for being such a great host. As soon as you got in the car, the huge smile on your face caught your mom’s attention and she was quick to ask the question that’s been eating at her the minute she saw Mark walking you over to your car and saying hello to both of your parents.

“He’s cute! And quite the gentleman. You like him don’t you?” Your eyes widened in shock at her revelation but your mom knew you better than anyone else. You didn’t need to say it out loud, your facial expression as he held the door open for you and walked you over to your car spoke for you.

You were falling for Mark.

Over the next few weeks, you and Mark were practically attached by the hip. After the first time he sat next to you in class, he never returned back to his actual spot and continued sitting next to you even if most of your classmates sat in their regular assigned seats. Then as soon as school was over, you’d head over to either his house, your house, the library or the coffee shop just a few minutes away from school. Most of your time together was spent working on your project, but there were a few moments where the two of you would take a break to eat, play some video games, watch a movie or just talk.

Even during lunch, instead of hanging out with your usual group, you found yourself sitting with Mark and they didn’t seem to mind it. A few of your friends knew of your crush on Mark and in fact, it was your friend Jinyoung who suggested that you go and sit with Mark in order to “get to know your science partner better.” Once BamBam and Jackson caught wind of the feelings you’ve developed for Mark, they did not let you hear the end of it.

“So this is why you were so adamant on not switching partners. You have a thing for Markie boy. I don’t blame you, he has the brains and he’s actually pretty good looking if I do say so myself. From what I hear from some of my teammates, apparently he has a big dick—what? That’s what I heard—well anyways, I think you should act on your feelings. Mark doesn’t seem like the type to tell someone he likes them so you’re going to continue wasting your time ogling over him if you don’t make a move—don’t look at me like that y/n it’s 2020 anything is possible. Equality for all.”

As much as you hated whenever your friends would get involved in your relationships, Jackson had a point. Even if you and Mark have grown close in the last two weeks, he didn’t seem like the type of guy to confess his feelings for someone. Hell, you had a feeling you were the only girl he ever talked to which you were extremely grateful for. Mark seemed to be a very private person who enjoyed being mysterious and preferred to be to himself a lot; so you were honored to be one of the only people he genuinely seemed to trust. You’d like to consider you and Mark friends at this point and you’ve noticed in the last few days that he’s been more touchier and flirtatious than usual.

You didn’t think Mark; the so called “nerdy and irritatingly intelligent gamer” was capable of such smooth pickup lines until he used one about you being made of copper and tellurium because you are “Cu-Te” and it might’ve been a scientific joke to him but it really set your bones on fire. Since there were only a few days left until your project was due, you decided that you’d tell Mark how you feel no matter what the outcome was. You both were practically finished with the project and spent most of your days having fun together rather than working. So if things went to shit, then you could pretend as if nothing happened and go about your life like how it was before this science project.

Although, the idea of no longer having Mark in your life sent an unsettling sensation to your stomach. The two of you were currently at his house watching a movie and he had explained to you that both his parents and his brother were away at one of Joey’s taekwando tournaments leaving you and Mark all alone with Milo. The thought of actually being all alone with Mark both worried you and delighted you. As much as you enjoyed being around his family, it would be much easier to tell him how you felt about him without people around. When Mark first offered to put on a movie, you had to laugh when you noticed just how far he sat away from you on the couch.

You knew he was trying to be a gentleman and that he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you found yourselves on a few occasions practically cuddling up on his bed. While the movie played, you’d absentmindedly look at Mark every now and then mentally tracing his handsome features and wanting nothing more than to kiss his pretty pink heart shaped lips. The longer you analyzed his face, the more you began to find things that you never realized before like the cute little mole right above his lip or the scar right above his eyebrow. You also couldn’t help but imagine what he would look like without his glasses and soon you found yourself wanting to know if he ever went without them.

“Hey Mark?” You could tell by the way his eyes were practically glued to the television that he was very interested in the movie so you felt bad for interrupting him, but he paused it in order to give you his full attention and nonverbally motioned for you to go on.

“Have you ever thought about getting contacts?” He looked at you in curiosity and actually thought about the question for a few moments before shaking his head.

“My optometrist asked me a couple of times but I always decline. I know you’ll probably think I’m a wimp for saying this but I have a fear of not knowing how to put them on and accidentally poking my eye out so I just stay safe and go with glasses. How come?” You shrugged nonchalantly although your heart rate began to increase at the thought of your next words.

“You have really pretty eyes. I guess I just want to see them better but your comfort is the most important thing.” You began to pick at your fingers and Mark was glad your attention was elsewhere or else you would’ve seen just how crazy you’ve been driving him in the last few weeks having to do all these things with you and not getting to kiss you, hold you and do all these cute, romantic things that most couples did because all Mark wanted at the end of the day was to be the lucky guy who you called yours.

“Oh—I—I’m—um—thank you. Maybe I’ll take contacts in to consideration just for you.” You let out a light chuckle and shook your head in disagreement.

“No no, you’re totally fine. You look good with or without glasses. Please don’t feel like you’d have to do anything because of me—“

“I’d do anything for you y/n. Anything you’d ask me to do I’d do it in a heartbeat. Oh and you—you have a really pretty face and a really pretty personality. Hell, everything about you is really pretty—ah shit. That was weird wasn’t it? Please forget I said anything.” He began to reach for the controller as a way to distract you and to get you to forget what he just said but there was no way you could ever forget hearing him say that everything about you is pretty. Right as he was about to resume, you reached at his hand, took the controller and turned off the movie. He looked at you with the most adorable look of confusion and you decided it was now or never.

“Mark.”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I kiss you?” The cough that fell from his lips was unexpected and you took that as a negative sign. You wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you whole. When was breaking out in to a fit of coughs ever a good sign after asking someone if you could kiss them? You hid your face in your hands and tried your best not to look at him in fear of crying because you ruined everything.

“You know what? Please forget I said anything I must be going insane it’s the lack of sleep and—“ he playfully covered your mouth in attempts to stop you from talking so that he could explain himself.

“Don’t get me wrong, I want to kiss you. Trust me, I really, really want to kiss you. I’ve been thinking about kissing these pretty lips of yours for longer than I’d like to admit okay—and I hope by hearing that confession you now know that I like you. I like you a lot y/n. I’ve liked you since freshman year and I’ve always felt so dumb because we didn’t know each other back then but I knew enough to want to be someone special in your life. I—I’ve never kissed anyone before. Pathetic right? A high school senior who has never been kissed. I’m a fucking loser and I’m afraid of messing things up—“ the minute Mark felt your lips smash against his, his heart melted in to a puddle.

You reached for his hands and brought them down to your waist as you wrapped yours around his neck, pulling him closer in order to deepen the kiss. He was still in shock for the first few seconds and you knew he was still hesitant on continuing the kiss because he had no clue what he was doing, but after a few moments, his lips melded perfectly with yours. His lips were soft and tasted like butter from the popcorn and you couldn’t help but giggle at how rough and clumsy his kisses grew the longer the two of you made out but it didn’t matter.

It was special and you knew there would be many kisses shared between the two of you later on and he had plenty of time to work on his kissing skills; although for a first timer, he was actually really good and you knew you were going to get addicted to the feeling of his lips on yours. When you needed to catch your breath, you pulled away earning yourself a soft whine and placed your forehead against his.

“Wow—I uh—that was—you were—wow. Can we—can I kiss you again?” You snickered at his excitement and nodded; not being able to say no since you wanted it too. He cupped your cheek in his palm and reconnected your lips together. To your surprise and delight, he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip and brought it in between his teeth before shoving his tongue down your throat. You were shocked to say the least at what a natural he was, especially since kissing wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

“Are you sure this was your first time? I don’t think anyone whose never been kissed before knows how to French kiss. You’re a cheeky one aren’t you Tuan? I like you too by the way.” His laughter filled the room before he pulled you on to his lap and hid his face in the crook of your neck.

“Date me. Please?” Now it was your turn to laugh. God, how could someone be this cute yet kiss like he’s been doing it for years? What else was he hiding from you? When you quickly nodded and stole a kiss from the corner of his mouth, he released a content sigh and tightened his grip on your waist before turning the movie back on.

“Wait—babe, humans have more bacteria in their saliva than dogs do. Ew!!! If this is what kissing entails than I better keep some mouthwash on hand because I plan on kissing you a lot.”

“Way to ruin the mood Tuan.”

#got7 imagines #mark tuan #mark tuan got7 #mark tuan imagines #got7 fluff

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aphrodicted · 4 years

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The 12 Houses

In this post I will talk about astrological houses. Every astrological chart has 12 houses. Depending on our astrological chart, it may be that one or two houses are of greater importance because they have a large number of planets in them. The more planets you find in a house, the more important that house will be to you. What does each house represent? What information can you give us?

If you want to learn more, I recommend reading Kabaleb.

1st House or Ascendant

The 1st House represents our personality and our outward appearance: how others see us, the first impression we make when entering a place or presenting ourselves to a group of people. The genetics we inherit from our parents is likely to focus on this house and our physical condition.

In this house we find the tools we have in this life to fulfill our solar program or our life goal. In addition, this house will tell us the energy we will have to take the initiative in the different situations of our life.

2nd House

The 2nd House is the abode of rest, which allows the individual to rest from creative tasks and dedicate themselves extensively to what they like, without falling on their person. Therefore, peace and rest are indicated here. Along with rest, this house indicates the way, the attitude, of the individual towards their obligations.

This is the house of the material rewards we will get in this life and how we will get them. The collections of this reward will be materialized in money in our world, but at the cosmic level it is where it is organized and decides when and how the individual will collect these material rewards. On some occasions, we expect a charge that isn’t made because we aren’t in the right place to obtain such a charge, since the individual isn’t doing what they should do. This can happen when the planets in this house are poorly aspected.

Therefore, the 2nd House talks about our resources (mostly materials, although it can also refer to internal resources) and the use we can give to them. Our relationship and how we manage them will also be key in this house.

Unlike other houses, the 2nd House talks about the assets generated by ourselves, with our effort and work, whether in this or another life. The resources that we obtain in this life don’t have to be those that we generate in our day to day, but they can be a reward for what we did in a previous life.

Along with resources, this house talks about our material possessions and how we manage and use these possessions (our ability to spend and save these possessions and rewards). It isn’t wrong to relate this house to money and our financial stability, since here we will know where our benefits will come from.

3rd House

The 3rd House represents how the individual pours their thoughts on the physical space where they live. Also, this is the home of our brothers (biologica or not)and your relationship with them. Apart from the brothers, in this house are our blood relatives (such as uncles or cousins), but not our parents, who will be seen in other houses.

Neighbors, whether they are from the same building or the neighborhood, and your relationship with them. Any element that is part of the environment in the life of the person, contacts and relationships with beings and things around us unfolds.

Short trips, words and writings with which the individual expresses his way of seeing the world. Therefore, the 3rd House is the manifestation of human thought and our communicative capacity at all levels (written, oral, etc.). Memory can also be found in this house.

This house governs everything related to expression and all the ways in which it can be disclosed: from speech or writing to the press, radio, television, cinema, etc. Any means that serve the individual to express themselves and dialogue will be reflected in this house.

Depending on how well or poorly this house is, the individual will have more or less facility to express themselves and access to the use of the means mentioned above. For example, the individual may have a lot to say, but little access to the means to express themselves. A 3rd House full of planets, announces the individual will work with their thought in an intense and deep way, either positively or negatively. It will be someone with great mental activity.

Finally, this house is about our experience in primary school (primary studies) and this can be reflected here. Along with it, bureaucratic processes, commercial interactions, sales and purchases... can be seen in this house.

4th House

This house informs us of the birth of our emotions, our prenatal life, our childhood and early youth.

We will be able to see how our relationship with the family will be. If we talk about our family, the house especially marks our relationship with the mother and what she will be like. Although it also tells us about the family that we will form in the future. In this house our origins, our ancestors are treated. In addition, it can indicate the individual's birthplace and how ingrained the particular location feels.

It tells us about the structure of our home, both the physical (our home) and our inner home (our inner world). When we talk about our conventional home, it will also address all of the domestic problems that we may face, either under the care of our parents or in our own home after becoming independent from them. Finally, this house can also tell us about the businesses that we create ourselves, since we can extrapolate ourselves to our second home.

In our 4th House the fall of spirituality on feelings will take place. The 4th House represents our inner emotions, those that we haven’t yet externalized. Everything that is in the individual from the past: our prenatal life, our childhood and our early youth. If 4th House is highlighted by the transit of the Sun, elements of our past lives, of our current past, our childhood or our youth.

Our 4th House talks about our mother. Especially how our relationship with her will be. The work of our 4th House is our spiritual rebirth, which we will achieve by getting closer to our mother, our child world, the scenes of our childhood, the friends we had then.

5th House

The 5th House represents luck. Traditional Astrology places in this house the earnings of the individual through games of chance, speculation, luck or free time. This house represents “doing what pleases us”. The lot I’m talking about is the "help of God", a gift of providence. This luck will depend on the will that the individual has put at the service of the divine work. When the 5th House is activated (either by planetary transits or a lunation), luck will fall on the individual and will result in positive circumstances in love, work, studies, business, gambling... Luck will fall in the area that the person wants most, although if there is some kind of karma in that area, luck can have no effect.

In addition, the 5th House will represent our most unconditional loves: those relationships in which we have loved without expecting anything in return. Those relationships will manifest in our present in the form of love. It isn’t an interested love, but the love that we awaken in people who don’t ask us for anything in return. People who are willing to do anything for us, even if we let them down.

The 5th House represents luck (commonly known as well). How lucky the individual is in this life will depend on our attitude in our past lives. If the individual has been generous and has helped others, in this life they will be rewarded with winnings in lotteries or games, for example.

Children are also represented in our 5th House. Depending on the sign that governs our 5th House, we will be able to know what our children will be like and whether or not it will cost us to conceive them (among others). If our children aren’t carriers of the love that we expected from them, it can be the cause of bad planetary aspects in our birth chart. Everything will become painful and the relationship with the children will be painful and unsatisfactory.

Our creations and our freedom are also inside 5th House. The sign and the planets that are in this house will show us the source of the individual's freedom. This house talks about how to be free, how to overcome the law of karma and where (physical place) the individual will find the freedom that will help them to show themselves as they are (their conscience), without masks or social pressure.

Finally, the 5th House tells us about teaching, what we have ingrained within us. What does the earth bestow on the individual in abundance.

6th House

The 6th House represents the abandonment of everything we have been accumulating to start from scratch. That’s why this house is related to diseases. Especially the vulnerable sectors of our physical body and our habits. In the end, this is the house of health, so all the elements related to our physical and mental health will be found here. From our relationship with food to the physical or psychic conflicts that we can have with ourselves that are the result of our Ego.

On the other hand, it’s the house of commitments. Here we will find all those commitments that we make with our actions and that later we don’t want to recognize or carry out. They are past commitments that we don’t want to accept in the present.

This is house of service. According to Traditional Astrology, these services refer to obligatory services, our subordinate jobs, but our relationship with service will be discussed: how we serve others and how they serve us. It will also deal with the relationship that we will have with everything that is inferior to us: subordinates, domestic animals, vices or perverse habits.

If the 6th House is heavily loaded with planets, this warns us that the individual has many tendencies that have reached their limit in this life. Therefore, you must end all of them. The individual will spend their life cleaning and expelling all the old and useless that are from previous lives and, in the end, it may be that in this life they have a life of servitude.

7th House

The creative capacity of the individual will depend on the collaboration of they other Self. The 7th House can be understood as the search for our other Self, that being, that part, which has the qualities that complement us. The individual doesn’t feel complete only with theselves, so tehy need a complement to feel full.

The position of the 7th House will define the place, the direction, to which the individual will go to look for their complement and where they will begin to create their place of coexistence. This will be conditioned by their character and the work they do abroad, since the 7th House is at the opposite point of the Ascendant.

The 7th House tells us how our spouse will be, their situation, their means, their family, their destiny and all the details that we want about their idiosyncrasy. Also the type of people we choose to achieve our goals (our collaborators, partners or coworkers), as well as our capacity for community life and teamwork (how we are in teamwork, our collaboration in these, etc.). In general, the 7th House talks about social relationships and how we will live them. Besides, we can find here information about contracts and labor agreements that we can reach.

The enemies we do know are also here.

On the other hand, in this house we can find cooperation. If we cooperate with our surroundings, how much cooperation will we receive from the outside or the lack of it in our life. In the same way, and related to cooperation, the collective consciousness is represented in this house. The feeling, the idea or the concept of "us" as a collective.

8th House

The 8th House symbolizes the world of desires and spirituality that may exist in it. This house can be considered that of secret passions because its effects take place inside the individual.

Because of its relationship with Scorpio, this house talks about generation (the act of generating, creating): the individual's aptitude or not for the generation. This concept of "generation" can be related to sexual relations. A poorly aspected 8th House will create difficulties of some kind for any generative activity. These generative activities can range from the conception of a child to the creation of a company or a specific project. However, the individual's difficulties in conceiving children can be seen more clearly in the 5th House than in this one.

The 8th House is the house of joys, as are all houses of fixed signs, and these joys can be “legitimate joys”, those sentimental ones that go from pure emotions to the impure joys of wanting to possess, bend, command over others. The aspects in the 8th House can tell what kind of joys the individual will experience. The illegitimate joys will be those derived from social and political power, the desire for power and wealth. The 8th House can also tell us about the money or material earnings that come through the spouse, partners, income, inheritances or donations. Because the money earned by our own effort corresponds to the 2nd House.

The 8th House is also a very emotional house. It represents the internalization of emotions, our internal feelings, our internal fears and passions, and the structure of all these emotions. This House tells us about our loves (lovers and courtships) and how we will live our sexual relationships (and sex in general) throughout our lives. As I mentioned before, it is the house of the "generation", so fertility and fertility are also represented here.

The 8th House talks about the relationship between our present life and the results of past lives. If the 8th House is in an Earth sign, it means that the individual finishes a cycle and the material gains obtained in this life will be the payment of past efforts in past lives. In some way, the individual will receive their material reward for everything previously done. On the other hand, if the 8th House is in a sign of Fire, the individual begins a new cycle and everything he receives will have no relation to their past performances.

This house is closely related to death and how the individual will die: in what circumstances, what will be the cause, in what place, etc.

Last but not least, The 8th House talks about the individual's psychic abilities/level and what kind of relationship the individual will have with them. People who have certain planets in this house will be sensitive to things invisible to most. For example, the water signs in this house or planets like the Moon, Neptune or Uranus can grant the individual outstanding psychic powers.

9th House

It’s the home of long trips, but we will not only understand these trips as a common trip to a foreign country, but it is the home of physical and internal trips. If it is the house of travel, the foreigner and our relationship with all the elements (things, people...) that come from abroad: how we will accept or deny everything foreign.

The 9th House covers higher studies. If the 3rd House was talking about primary studies, this house tells us about university studies and the like. Closely related to studies, this house talks about the search for knowledge by the individual and, if it is well-regarded, the individual will easily find the knowledge he wants.

Ruled by Sagittarius, the Zodiac philosopher, this house will speak about our relationship with our inner teacher, religion, philosophy and spirituality. Intuition, inspiration and spiritual vision both of oneself and of the collective (world). Therefore, this house will define the expansion and mental and spiritual evolution that the individual will live during their life. In the end, the 9th House is the house of the spirit, spirituality.

Finally, here we will find our ethics and morals and our acceptance or denial of it: if we follow established morality or some rebels against any morality. The 9th House defines our relationship with justice and trials.

10th House

The 10th House talks about work. However, society interprets work as a profession, but the things that the individual dominates aren’t always those that they carry out professionally. The 10th House also represents the activities that are done by vocation and working professionally and making money from other activities.

Here you will see the social projection of the individual along with their professional vocation (or activities that he does for entertainment, but that bring them financial satisfaction). A 10th House with good looks can advertise the ease that the individual has for leadership positions, while some negative aspects in this house recommend the individual to dedicate themselves to work related to the 6th House (if the regents of said house are positive). Some bad aspects in this house announce difficulties to exercise command, work in precarious companies or work adversities.

Continuing with the labor issue, the 10th House can help the individual to know what type of professions are best for their working life. Here we will indicate the professions to which the individual is most prepared to achieve and, furthermore, in which areas the individual is a teacher of teachers (what we are good at and what we can teach).

Unlike the 8th House, the 10th House tells us about the father figure: our father. Therefore, this house will tell us what our relationship with them will be like, what he will be like with us, etc. Also the relationship with our superiors in the workplace: bosses, authorities... In addition, in this house you can also see the relationship with our employees if we don’t work for ourselves (self-employed).

On the other hand, prestige, honor and our place in society (thanks to our profession) and our reputation.

11th House

Traditional Astrology defines this house as that of friends and protectors (and social relationships in general). These friends will be the people with whom we will interact without passion, since our romantic interests and our lovers are in other houses. This house talks about people who think like us, those who share our thoughts and our social intentions. Therefore, here we will define what our friends will be like and what relationship we will share with them.

This house talks about goals and dreams. Also about long-term projects. The goals or dreams this house talks about will always be those planned, structured and the individual has been working on for a long time. They aren’t easy dreams to achieve. Therefore, the soil and the ambition of the individual will be defined in this house, and it will tell what these dreams are like and if the individual will have difficulty achieving them. A poorly designed 11th House will announce the individual will have difficulty achieving their dreams and will not be easily satisfied.

A well-respected 11th House will help us easily find the right friends, those with whom we can think and share dreams. The desired friends will manifest themselves because we will let ourselves be seen and they will be able to find us. On the contrary, a poorly designed house, the disorder will settle in the psyche of the individual and, in the end, the friends who appear in their life will create conflicts or protectors that don’t protect us, but throw us into danger. People who share thoughts or dreams with us will judge us inappropriately and they will have wrong ideas about us.

This house talks about our inner thought and how we structure our thoughts.

12th House

There are many astrologers who consider Pisces as the sign through which emotions are externalized and, therefore, the 12th House is the most human of all Earthly Houses. Through the 12th House, the individual's feelings are channeled towards the environment in which they libe and, in this way, he or she becomes a little god who creates their world from the ideas they emit.

The 12th House is considered the house of the tests or difficulties (emotional tests) the individual will face to create their world based on their feelings. However, the world isn’t the same for everyone, so each person must act and adjust the circumstances around them will help them understand the importance of understanding with the people around them and, finally, accepting the functions of the 7th House: form groups and establish cooperation with the people around us.

If the feelings of the individual, when creating or adjusting, are positive, the person will build a world of goodness and brotherhood, thus freeing their environment from impurities. If, on the contrary, their feelings are negative, the individual will create a corrupt world full of vice that will lead to drama, destruction and negativity. Therefore, the 12th House will talk about what the environment of the individual is like.

Along with tests or difficulties, the subconscious has an important role.

The 12th House is the house of the secret enemies, the jails, the impediments, the deprivation of liberty produced by the need for our feelings to fit into a reality that doesn’t allow them to exist. When the feelings, the desires, don’t fit, the individual becomes violent and tries to force things. This reaction prevents them from being free, since they don’t let themselves flow, but they live forcing something that isn’t possible.

This house talks about the Karma (the Law of Action-Reaction or Cause-Consequence) that the individual will have during this life. This house is related to Divine Grace (which we have mentioned in a previous house). On the other hand, it can be considered as the house of charity, be it the charity that we give to the world or the one we receive from it and the people around us. The 12th House is related to hospitalizations and medical interventions you may receive. Furthermore, this house defines loneliness and the individual's relationship with loneliness and the role of the individual in secret societies.

Traditional Astrology considers the 12th House as that of secrets and mysteries. This is true, since the 12th House expresses our inner world and, normally, the individual keeps secret everything that has to do with their feelings (they keep it as a secret to others). A 12th House full of planets or with its ruling planet with numerous aspects, defines us as an individual who will put great efforts in building their environment (their world) in their image and likeness, being able to face others, lead a very hectic life and full of experiences (which will be positive or negative depending on the aspects).

#astrology #astro #houses #astrological houses #zodiac #birth chart #astrological chart #chart #kabaleb #aphro.astrology

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infpisme · 4 years

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4 Reasons INFPs Are So Restless

We see the world for what it “should be,” and this makes it incredibly challenging to remain static in life.

Some say I have the attention span of a goldfish. On the one hand, I can absolutely see where they are coming from. I can be mid-conversation, and if I am not entirely focused on the interaction at hand, then I drift away quickly. However, I would argue that this is a representation of my restlessness as an INFP — one of the rarer Myers-Briggs personality types — rather than a short attention span.

It isn’t that I get distracted per se, but instead I lose interest and drift away into the beautiful world of my mind, where even the most mundane of life experiences can be transformed into a glorious story of good and evil, of love and loss — a tale of blockbuster credibility. In general, INFPs are incredibly self-aware, curious, and have a rich inner world.

To the outside world, the combination of those three traits may sometimes come off as restlessness (though we’re not the only Myers-Briggs personalities whose minds often wander). If you’ve ever wondered if you should try to curb your restless behavior, though, I would like to remind you that it adds a certain mystery and lure to life.

There are solid reasons INFPs get restless, and they speak to the magic that makes us the most idealistic personality type. Here are four reasons you may find yourself restless, and why you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it.

4 Reasons INFPs Get Restless

1. We are dreamers.

At our core, we are dreamers and idealists. We see the world for what it “should be,” and this makes it incredibly challenging to remain static in life.

On the one hand, this rose-colored lens instills an air of excitement and wonder that encourages us to move on and chase beauty whenever we come across it. But if we lose sight of that luster, no matter where we currently are in life, it is incredibly difficult to remain focused. Either way, both of these mentalities leave an eagerness to see more, do more, and feel more.

Regardless of the root cause (boredom with the present or excitement about the future), the result is the same: INFPs want to pack up and move on to the next great adventure. Not only is this normal, but it is a good thing for our development.

This fascination with all the things that should and could be has propelled me into some of the most trying times in my life, but it also has spurred an immense amount of growth and personal development. For example, after finishing my undergrad, my two best friends and I loaded into my truck and hit the road.

We had not much more than a rough map of where we sought to go, but embarked on a five-week journey across North America. None of us had the funds to pull it off, so we brought a tent, and found free camping along the way. From frigid nights in Telluride, CO, to the scorching sun of Moab, UT, we saw, did, and felt so much throughout our travels. Had it not been for my restless nature, I would never have embarked on such a journey.

So keep chasing those rainbows, INFP.

2. We despise conflict.

Another reason we may wrap up parts of life in a nice little box and move on is our tendency to mitigate conflict. I don’t want to say “avoid,” since that has a negative connotation, but many INFPs (myself included) really do try to avoid conflict.

What I mean is we often sense impending doom, and skip town before the situation gets to that point. INFPs have high levels of intuition and perception, meaning we can sense others’ emotions and know when conflict is brewing. As highly sensitive people, we would rather have a somber memory of what once was — a feeling of melancholy — than risk watching a relationship or situation crumble.

This conflict avoidance can be seen in a number of realms — workplaces, friendships, or romantic relationships — but the result is often the same. We will eventually find a reason to justify moving on, so we can weave the impending conflict into a grand story, rather than simply address it head on.

3. We prefer our lives to be highlight reels.

As idealists, life feels as though it is some grand story woven together with beautiful intricacy. The lows are gut-wrenching moments in a heartbreaking tale, and the highs are marks of victory and revelation. Because of this lens through which we view life, we have little patience for mundane activities. We have a bigger and better story to write, so we must move on to the next adventure.

For example, I often reflect on crossroads and the decisions I’ve made there. When looking back with 20/20 hindsight, it’s become clear to me that, more often than not, I follow the path that will give me a blockbuster movie. This is ultimately what led me to quit my engineering job to pursue starting my own company. I was only eight months into the job, but it seemed like the natural progression of the “story of Cole,” which made the decision to change career paths so appealing. I had no solid plan for making money, and was relying on my gut being correct. But what sold me was there was so much more learning to come from having no safety net and forging my own future.

INFPs feel the need to grow constantly, and throwing in the occasional plot twist is often the perfect way to do so. But these plot twists are often perceived as restlessness.

4. We need to understand ourselves better.

The central theme of the INFP story is that of self-discovery. One of my main driving factors in life is to understand myself and find my place in the larger picture of the world. Because of this, I often take a step back from my current situation to digest a number of things:

*First, I am checking in to evaluate what I’ve learned recently. By pausing life, this moment of reflection gives me clarity about myself.

*Second, I am generally looking to what could be next. How can I capture new experiences, push myself further, and understand myself better?

These two factors often create a feedback loop with one another, which further enhances the quality of restlessness. Since INFPs are continually on the search for true understanding, this lends to a whimsical — and sometimes restless — approach to life.

INFPs are naturally wired to possess an air of restlessness. Between the idealistic, rose-colored lens through which we view life, our hatred of conflict, and our deep-rooted need to truly understand ourselves, it may feel as if we are always on the move and ready for something new.

When You Feel Too Restless

However, you may be asking yourself, how restless is too restless? If you feel this way, I want you to keep these things in mind:

*When you feel the stirrings of a new adventure calling your name, sit on it for at least a few days. We often feel differently about ideas throughout various parts of the day, and setting a deliberation period can give you more clarity to pursue only the adventures that are best for you.

*It’s okay to remain static in life for a while, especially when there are external pressures that need to be met. To rekindle the joyous and idealistic nature of your INFP self, take to hobbies during these times. Pick up a guitar or grab a pen and paper. Channel your creative juices and live out your adventures in your head, just for now.

*Finally, don’t feel so bad about being “restless.” Sure, it may be irresponsible from time to time, but the adventurous nature of INFPs truly makes life beautiful and inspiring, both for yourself and others.

These tendencies lend to a beautiful outlook on life, but it is important to always remember to take time and smell the roses. If you wrestle with wondering whether you should dial back your INFP quirkiness, then remember this quote from T.S. Eliot: “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

by Cole Powers, IntrovertDear

#cole powers #infp #infp personality #infp thoughts #introvertdear #infp quotes #infp things

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