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dstrong-18 · 1 year

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How my mind works as an INFJ (Ni-Fe-Ti-Se) 6w7:

Disclaimer: This is my own personal experience, take it with a grain of salt if we have similar typology.

I will try to separate how each function works but it will most likely blend together; it’s kind of a package deal. And this will mostly deal with emotional processing more than general processes.

As an INFJ, my emotions are intense, as one would assume from the stereotype. There are days when I don’t feel much of anything, but it’s due to my subpar mental health (depression, anxiety, and ADHD). Using Ni as a dominant function, I easily pick apart the reason why I am feeling a certain way- to the point of even predicting my emotions within hours. Depending on how intense and personal this emotion is, I get in an endless loop of what-if scenarios after I narrow it down to a few possibilities. It’s concerning since it can get to the point of obsession (possibly hyper-fixations due to ADHD), especially if there are loose ends and limited information. That would make more things possible and many different scenarios flow through my head, whether I wanted them to or not. These thoughts can get stuck on a similar topic/experience anywhere from a couple of days to a few months. Keep in mind this is subconscious and easily done with minimal mental effort; sometimes it even stimulates/entertains my brain if the emotion the thoughts create are positive. I actively entertain these thoughts when comfortable, yet bored (usually when I’m alone)

Notice how my Ni has a habit of focusing on feelings/personal matters. My auxiliary Fe helps me not only to read people, but also to infer even how I feel based on my verbal reactions and physical sensations due to this knowledge. I do focus on people a lot, as they consume my thoughts more than other topics. It is common knowledge that INFJs care about others and read people easily, which applies to me, so I will get straight into how I personally use the information I gather. I can look at someone, even a total stranger in public, and can just tell their general mood; even when they try to hide it (usually, this actually makes it easier since people cannot hide microexpressions). Sometimes they’re expressive with how they feel so my inferences are more detailed and have more context. Other times it’s just a general “vibe” I pick up. As helping others comes naturally, this helps me to discern what is “wrong” with someone and get multiple ideas on how to solve it. It also unnerves most people when they figure out they’re basically an open book to me. It is rare where I don’t know the general intentions of people I interact with, directly or indirectly. Since this is, for the most part, easy, I get unnerved and disgruntled if my deductions are wrong or do not help (or if I have a difficult time reading them in general). If I see you frequently and I cannot read you well or I am not sure of how you feel, I will most likely get interested in you as a person to figure it out. I also use this to gauge how I should act/react to certain situations around certain people. When I am comfortable or just tired of “masking” (or under the influence), I let my words and actions flow more freely. However, I am yet to meet someone I can completely empty my mind into without them getting weirded out/judging me. Several have come close, though. This “secrecy” with my mind comes with a fear of being judged, disliked, and/or rejected (RSD* due to ADHD combined with my 6w7 enneagram). I believe my Fi has developed a little more than other INFJs because of this. It definitely is not the most mature, but Fe does help me infer my own emotions and beliefs, especially when verbalized to others because I discover how I feel as I try to conceptualize the idea. This helps me be at least aware of the basic emotion I am feeling/aware on whether I agree with the topics mentioned in conversation. Ni and Fe are rarely separated in my brain, unless my Ti is needed; then I try to stick to the facts as much as I can. Of course, this is not foolproof as I am more inclined to decide with emotions.

*RSD - Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, common among those who have ADHD, but it is not an exclusive symptom of ADHD.

When I do use my Ti, it works as the scale of judgement in my decision making. “Pros” on one side, “Cons” on the other, as in “what is the guaranteed good result in doing this” vs “what could go wrong if I do this”. It’s more complicated than it sounds, because after deciding the best course of action logically, I tend to also apply it on how it would effect me emotionally afterwards. This could tip the scales to another decision easily due to my avoidance of being hurt. This also brings distrust in the mix, as I go back and forth between which I should listen to and to what degree. And like how you would expect, even I can’t predict every instance of my life. The more frequently this happens, the more self-doubt I accumulate. This also will cause me to isolate and over-analyze my decision with more what-ifs (back to Ni). My Ni-Ti combo also makes me a firm believer in the butterfly effect.

Se is a bittersweet thing to me, especially with ADHD. Usually I discover things (such as nature, books, music, art) on my own and like it that way, as I don’t have to analyze people; I can focus on what I am seeing or experiencing. I crave these new experiences, but if I don’t initially like it or get bored in the middle of it, I get under-stimulated and try to retreat from the activity or experience. If it is a situation to where I have to stick it through, I will get frustrated, and therefore, more emotional. Se also makes me appreciate the beauty in things, tapping in with my Ni to see things others don’t notice; to this day I am entranced whenever I see forests or a beautiful painting I have never seen before. This also makes me open to trying different things in the bedroom instead of sticking to the same habits; although I don’t have a problem with that either. Se can also overstimulate me. I can get overwhelmed because my mind is so active that when paired with the five senses, it overloads my brain with excessive exposure. So while I appreciate it when it’s associated with positive emotions, it can also make me spiral if it gets out of control. And INFJs love control, whether they want to admit it or not.

And now on to my enneagram, 6 with a 7 wing. This means I have the traits of a Six, but also share some with Seven. At first, I didn’t think this fit me at all. Sixes are usually associated as people pleasers and extroverted, always trying to “rescue” people. However, the point of the Enneagram typology is the basic desires and fears of an individual; and therefore the person’s main motivation in life. And not to say those traits don’t apply to me, I just don’t display those as often as it makes it seem, or as strongly. Essentially, it wasn’t my top defining traits from my personal perspective. I related more to the weaknesses of the Sixes with a Seven wing, such as being sensitive to criticism (even when I logically know it isn’t personal), a habit of doubting myself and even others constantly, and caring too much about image. Image being, in my terms, looking “put together” or “presentable” aesthetic/fashion-wise. I am not delusional; you can’t always look perfect, but if I can I will. 6w7s have a primary fear of losing their support system, as they cannot see themselves from an objective standpoint. This leads to me having no sense of self. It is often expressed as humor at my own expense and wanting assurance. I recognize this as needy, and usually try to keep this at bay. However, I have a tendency to like my friends more if they comment on how they view me or notice small things, usually positively. I can blame this on wanting to know how to improve/know myself as a person, but it’s mainly my basic fear contributing. Which leads to my basic desire: to feel safe, secure, and supported to the point where I can really be myself. And the idea of that scares me, because anyone can do you dirty at the drop of a hat. In other terms, I am terrified of being vulnerable. This leads to me expressing my adoration to loved ones and providing them with their own reassurance. Mostly because I care for them, but also wanting the same in return. That doesn’t mean I won’t like you if you don’t, but I tend to be happier around those who appreciate what I do and reciprocate it. This also causes me to place a high value on honesty, integrity, and transparency. I tend to be loyal and committed, and dislike liars and cheaters for obvious reasons. Despite craving validation, I try to tone down my personal problems unless it affects the group. However, this usually backfires when I make too dark of a joke and others start to worry. Even then I try to play it off unless I can tell they’re seriously concerned. There are other traits, but you can get the gist of how 6w7s operate by their basic fears and desires.

When my MBTI and Enneagram are put together, creating an INFJ 6w7, it is almost laughable from my standpoint. By literal definition, I should (outwardly) be an immense people pleaser, needy, and really passive. However, I recognize that part of me isn’t desirable. In suppressing those traits, others have become more pronounced. I try to use logic in necessary situations, which is usually effective; more so than what is said for INFJs. I am usually organized, but it’s never consistent due to my ADHD scatterbrained trait. I’m not difficult to know if you ask for the information; I just don’t want to shove my whole life down your throat. People have told me I am intimidating and unapproachable at first glance, but nicer once they talk to me a few times. I am not saying these would “invalidate” my typology combination, but it is definitely not common. INFJs are known for being warm and inviting and I don’t feel like this represents me unless we are close.

There is literally zero information about my specific type. Which is okay, I’m not basing my identity on typology. It sure is interesting, though, and easily seen in others’ behaviors and emotions. This makes this a more plausible theory than most, as it’s more tangible.

But yeah, there you go. Feel free to ask any questions because I’m sure I left out crucial info and context😭

#mbti personality types #mbti infj #mbti conversations #enneagram #6w7 #cognitive functions #adhd stuff #adult adhd #16 personality types

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gothprentiss · 1 year

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my reboot hot take is that i actually super don't mind the rossi grief thing that much.

it definitely highlights the extent to which prentiss and alvez are kind of auxiliary characters right now, and it's part of the show's loooooooooong history of killing off women for its male agents' development, but it doesn't center him in the same way that the show usually does-- like him lashing out in grief (behavior i think the show doesn't really allow for a lot of the time) is always about the other characters and their emotional depth and maturity. it's sort of a reverse gideon; rossi's not the team's source of stability as the most mature agent but rather the way that they show how connected they are to each other.

i don't mean this as a critique of the complaints about this. there's no angle from which this isn't obviously a misfire. most commonly i've seen people identifying the problem as the show's consistent focus on its white male characters. this makes the problem with this particular storyline pretty obvious: gideon was played by the most famous actor on the show; reid and hotch were the characters people were most attracted to, or cared about the most. this of course is what happens with white men in tv shows, but their popularity was obvious, and licensed their centrality. the choice to give him a dead wife was a tired one, and probably will be part of them setting him up to retire at the end of the season.

people rightly complain about how the reid addiction storyline was remarkably poorly handled. characters were shown to know he was struggling and only indicate their worry; when he was erratic, vulnerable, or volatile, the characters around him absorbed that behavior without really reacting to it outside of the immediate scene. i don't know that this will go any better but we do see someone who's been (differently, of course) erratic, vulnerable, and volatile, and the narrative is far clearer that cutting him slack is a problem, and also that it's a combination of everyone assuming he's doing better than he is, and the way that everyone around him is isolated, spread thin, and strapped for time and energy. we get to see people treating him with different kinds of care: garcia talks to him about trauma and therapy; alvez treats him with familial patience and empathy; prentiss approaches him with advice she wishes she'd taken, from a source she thinks he's more likely to respect (the gideon don't go silent thing... i'm obsessed). i think his repeated clashes with garcia suggest that she's also going to be at the center of this season, especially given this show's tendency to condense processes of healing and grieving to a few short episodes, then relegate them to passing mentions at most.

in short, i think that this particular rossi arc is definitely just more of the same, but more of the same which, so far, is being conducted better: characters recognize that they're failing each other and respond in ways which are unique and personal; the Evil Administrator storyline that this show loves to lean on is likewise part of their interpersonal world, and we get to see why these problems have gone on the way that they have. this probably won't end up being a thoughtful meditation on loss and community, but it is, so far, way more thoughtful about how the characters care for and are responsible to each other than i've seen the show be in a long while. not great that it's rossi, but it's an improvement, and i'm fascinated to see where it goes.

#yk me they give me Narrative and i forget all of my other interests. moth to lightbulb #frankly i hate how much time i've spent thinking about criminal minds recently but wcyd #i don't think this is going to end well but i get to spend a couple of weeks imagining that cm has emotional depth #and i'm taking it!!!!!#do i need to tag this?? for spoilers??#cmposting

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mbti-notes · 2 years

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Anon wrote:

hello! firstly, I'd like to thank you for making this blog. it's been really helpful in understanding mbti theory and taking steps to improve myself. i do have 2 questions though:

I'm glad you find my blog helpful, thanks for saying so.

1) is it possible that a person still undergoes tertiary loop in their mid-40s? i have seen evidence of si-ti loop in my mother, but can't really reconcile that with the fact that she should've probably dealt with this earlier. and i don't think she's always been in the loop (as far as i remember, anyways), but has only gotten into it within the last 2 years.

It is more common than uncommon for people to get developmentally stuck. Type development is a very personal or individual process, so, in that sense, there is no "should've". This is explained in the Type Dev Guide, please review it. Every individual is at a different point in development based on their unique circumstances. Anyone can misuse their functions at any time of life for a variety of reasons. If she only started within the last two years, it would be important to understand what circumstances or stressors might have prompted it.

2) i have noticed in myself (an infp) that i tend to re-read books/ re-watch movies that i liked in the past multiple times, usually when I'm feeling a bit out of sorts or stressed. a celebrity that i have been trying to type said the same thing about themself— that they like re-watching a specific movie when they're tired/stressed. i thought that this was an obvious indication of si-tertiary, and that they were also an infp (using other clues about their type, too, of course). however, most other people say that that person is an enfp. (nobody else has typed them as infp). i just wanted to know if my understanding of that specific behaviour being an indication of si-tert was correct or not. I should probably explain why i think that is si-tert. tertiary functions are usually used as a psychological defense to stress. fi-si tends to make a person look to previous sources of comfort in hopes of gaining the same comfort again, usually leading to the person staying in stale comfort zones. what i think is, basically, that a person can also seek comfort in fictional stories (books and movies) that they liked in the past. again, I'm not 100% sure about this, it's just what I've noticed in myself. thank you in advance :)

It is incorrect. The problem is that you haven't understood the difference between cognition and behavior (as well as the fact that the two do not have a perfect 1:1 relationship). Taking your example: Si prompts people to revisit things of their past. This is generally true of Si, so this fact alone is not enough information to tell you the stack position of Si. To identify stack position, you cannot only focus on the behavior (the "what"), you must go far deeper than that to understand the underlying cognitive reasons (the "whys"). The set of reasons for why tertiary Si revisits the past is different from inferior Si (... is different from dominant Si ... is different from auxiliary Si). The functional stack positions are covered in the Function Theory Guide.

Until you've understood the exact underlying cognitive reasons behind the behavior, the most you can claim is that Si is probably in there... somewhere. I say "probably" because this one detail alone isn't even enough to prove Si, since other functions like Ni may also prompt someone to revisit the past, but for very different reasons. You would also need to accumulate more evidence of Si cognition that specifically rules out Ni cognition.

In short: Don't judge a book by its cover. You have to understand exactly why someone is doing what they're doing, rather than just assuming that they're doing it for the same reason as you.

#functional stack #theory #cognition vs behavior #typing #type spotting #ask

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divergent-one-1984 · 1 year

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Organized Crime Ring in Astoria, NY, in a neighborhood under the jurisdiction of 114th PRECINCT and in apartment buildings managed by CENTRAL ASTORIA, LLC. I have been the victim of TARGETED COMMUNITY HARASSMENT SINCE SUMMER 2016 because of my race and gender, I am an African American woman (because of a rumor / gossip mill started by staff at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION while I was employed there from 2014 to 2016 I was made the victim of targeted psychological harassment). Due to the illegal access and leaking of private, personal, confidential information by wiretapping / cloning / hacking of personal devices and illegal surveillance in my residence. This includes leaking of confidential medical information (HPV, strains that can cause cervical cancer and an Abortion) - STREET THEATER OVER THE WEEKEND SPECIFICALLY REGARDING LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE (Post 1 of 2)

LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE is a family friend of about 50 years, Godmother to my full sibling and a STALKER / HARASSER / ABUSER, who has been involved in my harassment for a while and someone I have been recently setting boundaries with; who disrepected me by blatantly violating those boundaries yesterday multiple times and doing things that make her look stupid and intentional in her harassment.

LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE most probably falls into the category of stalkers that are part of RELIGIOUS CULTS (she is a an actively religious person and may even hold a title in her church or over the course of her participation, I have known her since I was a child and as long as I have known her she has been into church, her family is steeped in Christian religion and the church) and associations with CORRUPT COPS (LINDA mentioned to me a while ago she knew someone who was a member of NYPD Auxiliary.

This weekend was a cacophony of STREET THEATER nonsense, they usually ramp things up around specific times that reference the past with whatever subliminal messages the leaders / handlers of the STALKERS / HARASSERS / ABUSERS / DOMESTIC TERRORISTS want to convey by proxy with the use of these moronic sadistic hateful citizens.

LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE is aparrently being used specifically as a psychological subliminal reference to force me to move out of ASTORIA. LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE helped me to move some items from ASTORIA to BROOKLYN when I was trying to escape the COMMUNITY HARASSMENT that began in SUMMER 2016 and moved to my own apartment in MIDWOOD, BROOKLYN, only for it to follow me there. LINDA also helped me move some of my items back to ASTORIA in 2021 when I moved from MIDWOOD, BROOKLYN, back to ASTORIA.

So yesterday, LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE came over to visit with bed ridden relative. By now I have established boundaries with her where I have clearly stated I don't talk to her and that when she visits I am just here to basically buzz her in the apartment building / unlock apartment door so she can enter apt for her visit. I go in my bedroom and close my door before she even enters the apartment so I don't have to interact with her at all.

This was established some weeks ago because I am tired of her messing with me, she has been doing it specifically in this apartment since I moved back to ASTORIA in 2021, I noticed she was doing it before this though but since I was living in MIDWOOD, BROOKLYN, by myself I did not have to deal with her so she had little to no opportunity to harass me because we were rarely in the same space.

So yesterday, my bed ridden relative asked LINDA-ADAMS CRUSE, to pick up a few items from the store and ready to eat food. 2 of the items she picked up that are most relevant to the ONGOING HARASSMENT / STREET THEATER / GASLIGHTING / NUMBER HARASSMENT / BLATANT DISRESPECT / PSYCHOLOGICAL SUBLIMINAL HARASSMENT / COERCIVE CONTROL were the Almond Milk and the fast food from BURGER KING. There were also phone conversations between bed ridden relative and LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE about the food items to pick up. The video below is a thread of text messages I sent to LINDA in response / supplement to the audio conversations had between LINDA and bed ridden. relative.

My bed ridden relative is physically unable to text in a expeditious and robust way, therefore the communication on her phone mostly is audio conversations. People close to her, including LINDA known this and I don't like cell phones and since its not my cell phone I don't deal with it much except to communicate with my sister, LINDA'S goddaughter who is also harassing me, to communicate with her regarding things needed since she handles the household finances. Since I avoid interacting with my sister as well due to her HARASSMENT / GASLIGHTING I will text her when necessary mostly instead of having audio conversations.

Below are a couple messages I sent to LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE regarding the Almond Milk and my boundary requests for when she came over.

Based on the image below, LINDA managed to follow instructions regarding the first message and the type / brand of Almond Milk to purchase, however she managed to violate each boundary I requested and disrespect me from the time she entered and re-entered the apartment till she left.

She also sent a last text stating she was leaving, which is the dumbest thing (most arrogant thing because she is obviously being protected by law enforcement and / or whatever other agencies involved in my harassment), because her reply message is just stupid and proves my point that she is and has been intentionally psychologically / subliminally harassing me. That is my relative's phone, not mine therefore it is in my relatives possession 99.9% of the time (on the bed with them), why would you text someone you have been sitting next to in a bedroom while they are in their bed in a bedroom that faces the apartment door where they can actually see with their own eyes that you are exiting the apartment?

For the purposes of letting me know exactly when she was leaving as if I cared and for NUMBER HARASSMENT, she sent the message at 6:02, which references the number 62 and has a couple of references to my life, details of which will come.in subsequent posts and specific posts regarding NUMBER HARASSMENT, I have posted about some of these things previously as well.

Due to this ORGANIZED STALKING HARASSMENT, I have not had a cell phone since about 2018 and have to plans to ever get one again.

So for the second message I sent re her visit, I basically told LINDA that after I unlock door for her I would not be coming out of my room while she was there so when she leaves she should just leave and shut the door behind her. Usually my relative will yell to let me know LINDA'S gone so I can come out of my closed bedroom to lock the apartment door. This is how things have been going for the last few visits.

This visit LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE got a little extra-feisty with the disrespect, I guess she's mad I am continuing to tell the truth about my sister and her HARASSING / GASLIGHTING me.

LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE' first violation was she made me have to come out of my bedroom twice, I specifically stated I would not be coming out of my room after she came so she could put the food items that need to be refrigerated away herself and to leave anything else she bought on the kitchen counter.

For some reason, she was able to enter the apartment building without ringing the bell to be buzzed in (this is done often around here as part of the ORGANIZED STALKING / COMMUNITY HARASSMENT, the door is left open and unsecured or people will exit / enter the apt building at same time to let people in, ILLEGAL SURVEILLANCE directed at and inside my apartment allows for the engagement of SYNCHRONIZED HARASSMENT ACTIVITIES.)

So I unlocked the apartment door and went into my bedroom and closed my door. Shortly after this I heard the apartment building intercom / bell ring. So I am like WTF, who is ringing bell. I opened the door to see a Burger King cup sitting on the kitchen counter, I am sure strategically placed so that I could see it upon opening my bedroom door based on angle / positioning. I asked my relative what was going on, stated LINDA had to go back out of the apartment for some reason. From what I saw LINDA had no legitimate reason for exiting the apartment after I let her in except to annoy, harass and intentionally violate my boundaries / take an oppositional deviance stance against me because I stated in the text to her that I would not be coming out of my room and not to knock on my door when she left, to just leave the apartment and close the door tightly

So I buzzed LINDA in the apartment and went into my bedroom again and closed my door. LINDA did not have multiple bags of food items that she could not carry in a single trip so there was no reason for her to leave and come back except to annoy me and force me to have to come out of my room twice instead of once. All she bought was 2 meals from Burger King, Almond Milk and 2 cans of string beans. I am sure all of this could have been carried in a single trip.

Upon LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE re-entering the apartment a second time, she was yelling "I'm back, multiple times" she yelling loud enough for me to hear because at this point I am in my bedroom with the door closed and music playing. I yelled back through the door something like no body cares you religious nut bitch. I have never used this language or any kind of language like this with her and have never had issues until she started harassing me as a result of me being target of ORGANIZED STALKING / COMMUNITY HARASSMENT. She has been HARASSING and DISRESPECTING me for quite some time now so as far as I am concerned the gloves are off and since respect is no longer given to me it should not be given to her. I won't go out of my way to disrespect even though she has been blatantly disrespectful to me, but if she comes messing with me all bets are off at this point. For almost 2 years, I took your shit, basically tried to ignore you while you were intentionally harming me, after a while there will be a pushing back of sorts. I would never put my hands on her or anything like that because that is not in my nature and I known that is exactly what they would want so they can lock me up somewhere, but I may and certainly will verbally disrespect you if I am so inclined in response to your repetitive ongoing disrespect and harassment and violation of boundaries I am putting in place to protect myself emotionally and mentally.

After maybe a half hour or so, LINDA ADAMS-CRUSE knocked on my bedroom door. Again, I specifically stated in my text to her NOT to knock on my door when she was leaving, since this did not fit into the category because she was not leaving as of yet, she went the oppositional deviance mode and violated another boundary. Through my closed door, I yelled something to the effect of leave me alone stop knocking on my door, I told you not to knock on my door, go away, probably called her a religious nut or bitch again.

Upon exiting my bedroom, after she finally left, it appears LINDA was knocking, in addition to HARASSING me, to tell me there was food from Burger King for me in, don't care as I stated I was not leaving my bedroom while she was visiting so if there was anything for me I would just get it after she left. I made it clear I did not want to interact with her in any way. I think I also stated this after she knocked on my door, I did not want to see or talk to her, something to this effect in addition to calling her a religious nut and telling her in many ways to leave me alone.

I never opened my door and she went on about her business until she left maybe an hour or so later, according to her text that she sent to my relatives cell phone, which is on the bed in the same room you just visiting with that can see your from their bed exiting the apartment. LINDA knows that cell phone is not mine and even if you don't think its in relative's possession at the moment, which is highly unlikely, because it is kept on the bed all the time, relative knows you are leaving obviously, there are 2 people in this house beside you and you are not visiting with me and relative you are visiting is in the bedroom your are visiting them in, sitting in bed, which is positioned right in full view of the apartment door. So its safe to say they know that you are leaving so sending a text to someone who you are saying goodbye to who can actually see you exiting the apartment makes no sense becauese.its STREET THEATER and GASLIGHTING nonsense to harass me.

WHO ARE THE STALKERS? The stalkers, for the most part, are everyday citizens. Other stalkers are “street thugs” who have been recruited or hired to harass and intimidate. Some Stalkers are actual Private Investigators who have been hired to gather information concerning the victim. Many stalkers are members of volunteer police groups.

WHO, OR WHAT, IS ULTIMATELY BEHIND GANG STALKING? Corporations, Government Organizations, Military, Some Police, Corrupt Cops, Societies/Fraternities/Orders, Religious Cults and Destructive “New Age” Groups, “Concerned” Community Groups/Vigilante Groups, Criminal Organizations, Volunteer Police Organizations, etc.

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buckybarnesdiaries · 3 years

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bucky barnes x reader. masterlist.

part 1 — part 2 (soon)

a / n. this is a series of 15 mini-drabbles to celebrate the 500 followers' milestone, based on one word for each story. this first part contains 8, and the next one contains 7. it was supposed to be posted one story per day, but by that way, it'd take me to last an eternity to post other works / requests.

words. 1.533.

warning, tags. none, just a bunch of fluffy and cute situations with bucky.

join my tag list.

necklace;

It was the first time since you started to date that Bucky had to leave for a mission. Neither of the two of you knew when he'd be back, and that got you worried than ever. You were conscious of what he did for a living when you met him, but you couldn't help but feel scared. Next to the front door of your apartment, Bucky left his backpack on the floor, leaning to cup your cheeks on his palms and kiss your lips tortuously slow.

“I'll be okay, (Y/N)”. He murmured keeping his eyes closed.

“You better”.

Your hidden threat made him giggle. The soldier felt goosebumps bristling his skin as your fingertips toured his neck blindly, just to put in place the chain of his necklace. But soon, Bucky stopped your moves to take it off from him and place his dog tags on you.

“I'll come back for them”. He promised, fixing his pale blue orbs on yours, holding your hands to bring them to his lips and place fond kisses on every knuckle of both. “I love you, don' forget it, okay?”

“I won't... How could I, Buck?”

eclipsed;

Bucky was sweating, still not believing he was about to get married to the love of his life. He was on the altar, waiting for you and surrounded by all of your friends in common. Steve had had to help him with a panic attack he had suffered while dressing up, thinking that maybe you could change your opinion at the last moment. He couldn't blame you. But all those doubts vanished at the second you crossed the huge, heavy doors of the church. Your beauty eclipsed him, wearing a white lace wedding dress and seeming like you floated over the floor. Just like an angel.

His heart jumped. His oceanic eyes got covered in tears. A giggle escaped his lips, stretching a hand towards you, still praying it's not a dream. And you noticed the tension and the nervousness running his veins, leaning forward to kiss his cheek with all the love you felt for your future husband.

“Can't wait to say yes”. You whispered into his ear, causing Bucky to lace his arms around you and embrace you tight and tenderly. “I love you, James, from now and forever”.

sunset;

After his most recent nightmare and walking all grumpy from one side of another around your house, you decided to cheer him up only like you can do. With reluctance, you managed to get him out of your apartment and drag him to your car. Bucky was like a child, cross-armed, lips puckered and frowning annoyed. He tried to hide the fact that he had another nightmare to not worry you, but you weren't stupid.

Thinking that glimpsing the beach throughout the large front window would make him feel happier, your boyfriend just reclined himself on the seat, causing you to roll your eyes. That mood changed as soon as Bucky was sitting on the sand, between your legs, tho. His back was resting against your chest and his neck was wrapped by one of your arms, watching fascinated the sunset on the horizon. He wouldn't recognize it, but he felt much better hearing the waves crashing into the shore, while you stroked his scalp tenderly using the tip of your nails.

“You're welcome, grumpy mummy”.

clingy;

You didn't want to drink, but Sam and Sarah wanted to celebrate that the family business was picking up. On another occasion, you wouldn't mind, but Bucky was there. So, when everything started to spin around, you lead your clumsy steps to the edge of the harbor, having a sit there and let the soft breeze help you.

“Stop”. You heard from behind.

“Uh?”

“You're stealing my antisocial personality”. Bucky chuckled, taking a seat by your side. “What's up? Why are you here all alone?”

“Truth or lie?” You asked tilting your head towards him, raising both eyebrows.

“Truth”. He scoffed as if it wasn't obvious.

“I'm too clingy when I'm drunk”.

“Can't see the problem there”.

You chuckled, shaking your head inevitably, causing him to pucker his lips with a funny grimace.

“What?”

“Tru—”.

“Truth”.

“I've been all night wanting to rub your beard”.

Bucky exploded in loud laughter, not believing your words until you put your hands on his jawline. “God... It's so soft”.

His laughs increased, causing you to burn in shame. “No more drinks for you, ma'am...”

But the fact was that he turned to you, so it could be easy to caress his face.

safe;

Bucky was deadly tired on the sofa, warmly cuddled between your arms. A while ago, he stopped to pay attention to the movie, turning his back to the TV to hide his exhausted expression on your chest. You placed the cozy blanket over your bodies, making sure it covered both of you, being aware that tonight you'd sleep there. You felt sorry just at the thought of waking him up, seeing him peacefully breathing and his face more relaxed than the last few days.

Shutting off the TV and stretching an arm above your head, you turned off the small lamp on the auxiliary table close to the sofa, before getting comfier by Bucky's side. Your boyfriend purred delighted, still sleepy, as your fingers got tangled on his hair and started to scratch his scalp slowly, urging you somehow to place a leg over his waist, so he could settle between both a little more closely.

“Feel better?”

“I feel safe”. He replied in a low breath, to exhale the sweet scent concentrated on your neck.

“You're safe, James. You're at home”. Your calmed tone made him sigh, snuggling you strongly.

stay;

You snapped awake because of some knocks on the front door. Tossing the sheets to a side of the bed, you grabbed the gun under your pillow. It was stupidity. If somebody wanted to kill you, that would be the last thing they'd do: knock the door. You walked slowly, step by step, through the main hallway aiming to the door, more than ready to shoot your assailant.

“It's... Bucky”. You heard from the other side.

Sighing in relief and closing your eyes for a split second, you left the weapon on the dinner table in the living room. Not doubting on opening the door, you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when you noticed the reddened mark around his left eye and cheek.

“Can I, uh... stay tonight with you?” Bucky inquired, licking his upper lip ashamed, bowing his eyes down to his boots covered in dust.

“C'mon, Sergeant”. You invited him to walk in, using such a sweet tone, while holding his cold hand.

He looked like shit but felt much better when his arms got wrapped around your waist and middle-back, hiding his face into your neck. Kicking the door shut, you embraced him tighter to your body.

notebook;

You were lying on the opposite side to Bucky on the sofa, but keeping your legs tangled. It was a rainy evening with nothing to do and you decided to start to read the book you bought last week. Your boyfriend was silently doing something in a notebook. Maybe writing memories, maybe doodling, you didn't know. But the third time you caught him staring at you, you had to ask.

“What?”

“Uh... nothing”. He whispered focused on the paper in front of his eyes.

“Whaaat?” You kicked his right leg with your bare foot causing him to chuckle.

“Nothing!” Bucky replied using the same playfully tone of voice.

Putting the book on the coffee table, you sat up to lie on top of him, cuddling between his legs and resting your head on his chest. Glancing to the sketch of yourself he was drawing, you raised your heart-eyes to his. It was such a piece of art. The drawing and Bucky. Both.

“I learned in Romania. It kept me sane sometimes”. He confessed, leaning to place a kiss on your forehead. “I want to remember you forever”.

marshmallow;

“Truth or dare?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, leaning on the table just like you did, challenging him. He was trying to read your mind to figure out which were your intentions.

“Dare”. He answered firmly.

“Put twenty marshmallows in your mouth”.

The soldier stared at you in silence, watching him lick his inner cheek and push it with the tip of his tongue. He nodded his head then, grabbing the plastic bag without losing eye contact, to start to place —one by one— the sweets into his mouth. In less than thirty seconds, he looked like a squirrel with his cheek swollen. Bucky squinted at you again, triumphant.

“Hold on, I need to capture this moment”. You laughed, catching your phone to take a picture.

When the flash went off, he spitted a marshmallow like a shotgun. And you couldn't help but laugh.

“C'mon, Bu—”.

You didn't finish the sentence, being hit by another marshmallow slightly wet because of his saliva. Your grimace turned into a funny disgust, grabbing it back to throw it to his face.

“You're like a five years old in a body fos— STOP!” You ended up giggling as he spitted you the third one.

feedback is appreciated, please, leave a comment to let me know if you liked it.

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky x reader

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fructidor · 3 years

Text

Random amrev figures and their MBTI types!

Overview of the MBTI theory & Cognitive Stack

MBTI Theory

I vs. E = Introvert vs. Extravert. Introverts tend to be more shy and work independently, while Extraverts are more social and like working & interacting with others.

N vs. S = Intuitive vs. Sensor. Intuitives are people who always think ahead and are tired idealists. Sensors spend more time focusing on the now than the future, and take their information through their senses.

T vs. F = Thinker vs. Feeler. Thinkers tend to use their head rather than their heart to make important decisions in their lives, while Feelers use their emotions more to make decisions than their heads.

J vs. P = Judger vs. Perceiver. Judgers tend to follow a set structure when it comes to subjects, while Perceivers tend to go more with the flow, going where life takes them.

Cognitive Functions

Cognitive functions are the way you process the world around you and make decisions. Cognitive functions ultimately determine your type. They are scales of Intuition vs Sensing and Thinking vs Feeling. Then there is this thing called a cognitive stack. The way you order this is very important because it shows which cognitive function is the most dominant and least dominant.

Primary → Most natural (and comfortable) function; the internal “mother tongue”

Auxiliary → Supporting function, usually connected with creation and job choice

Tertiary → Function where individual often takes action steps to improve upon

Inferior → Activates under extreme stress, generally avoided out of self-protection

Extraverted Sensing (Se)

Taking action, using all five senses, going forward. Se takes in the present moment in its entirety, and makes rapid decisions on the fly. During times of crisis and emergencies, individuals with primary or auxiliary Se can make the best out of the situation.

Introverted Sensing (Si)

Associations, metaphors, nostalgia. Si can travel back to any point in time through a single scent or sound. Important information (and sometimes interesting trivia) is stored in filing cabinets, where it can be retrieved at any later time.

Extraverted Intuition (Ne)

Brainstorming, thinking outside the box, idea generation. Ne easily hops from idea to idea, while making abstract connections. Many artists—especially poets—use significant Ne in their work. To the outside, Ne seems quick, random, and extremely “jumpy.”

Introverted Intuition (Ni)

Time-space awareness, predicting the future, hunches. Ni is a far-reaching, visionary function—and can picture the future, sometimes with scary-accurate results.

Extraverted Feeling (Fe)

Expressive emotions, social norms, etiquette. Fe respects the consensus of the group, and puts harmony above personal desires. The function often acts as a mediator between groups, as it naturally puts others’ needs above its own.

Introverted Feeling (Fi)

Values, notions of “right” and “wrong,” likes and dislikes. Fi is a deeply personal and intense function that digs to the core of the human condition. Convictions, morals, and strong beliefs all fall under the Fi umbrella.

Extraverted Thinking (Te)

Facts, pros and cons, methodological step-by-step strategies. Te respects rules and regulations—and takes great pride in a job well done. Checklists and clear-cut meeting agendas get Te’s gears going—a top-down approach floats its boat.

Introverted Thinking (Ti)

Iterations, holistic reasoning, agile strategies. Ti takes a bottom-up approach to problem-solving, and fixates on information management. When new data comes in that contradicts old beliefs, Ti will shift like a fluid crystalline framework.

We'll start off very simply, with George Washington.

Washington = ISTJ.

Cognitive Stack: SiTeFiNe

I = Introverted

S = Sensor

T = Thinker

J = Judger

Type Description: ISTJs are responsible organizers, driven to create and enforce order within systems and institutions. They are neat and orderly, inside and out, and tend to have a procedure for everything they do. Reliable and dutiful, ISTJs want to uphold tradition and follow regulations.

ISTJs are steady, productive contributors. Although they are Introverted, ISTJs are rarely isolated; typical ISTJs know just where they belong in life, and want to understand how they can participate in established organizations and systems. They concern themselves with maintaining the social order and making sure that standards are met.

Additional Notes: Washington is the stereotypical ISTJ. He fits all the criteria and it honestly just matches up the best.

John Adams = INTJ

Cognitive Stack: NiTeFiSe

I = Introverted

N = Intuitive

T = Thinker

J = Judger

Type Description: INTJs are analytical problem-solvers, eager to improve systems and processes with their innovative ideas. They have a talent for seeing possibilities for improvement, whether at work, at home, or in themselves.

Often intellectual, INTJs enjoy logical reasoning and complex problem-solving. They approach life by analyzing the theory behind what they see, and are typically focused inward, on their own thoughtful study of the world around them. INTJs are drawn to logical systems and are much less comfortable with the unpredictable nature of other people and their emotions. They are typically independent and selective about their relationships, preferring to associate with people who they find intellectually stimulating.

Additional Notes: I mean, John Adams could go several ways with me, but INTJ seems to work out the most fine. I don't have an objection to it.

Thomas Jefferson: INFJ

Cognitive Stack: NiFeTiSe

I = Introverted

N = Intuitive

F = Feeler

J = Judger

Type Description: INFJs are creative nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential. Creative and dedicated, they have a talent for helping others with original solutions to their personal challenges.

The Counselor has a unique ability to intuit others' emotions and motivations, and will often know how someone else is feeling before that person knows it themself. They trust their insights about others and have strong faith in their ability to read people. Although they are sensitive, they are also reserved; the INFJ is a private sort, and is selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.

Additional Notes: This doesn't seem overly like Jefferson at first, but overall the cognitive function stack matches up the most. You could make the case that he is an INTJ, but honestly I feel that Te would not be his auxiliary function. Fe would be a much better type.

James Madison: INTP

Cognitive Stack: TiNeSiFe

I = Introverted

N = Intuitive

T = Thinker

P = Perceiver

Type Description: INTPs are philosophical innovators, fascinated by logical analysis, systems, and design. They are preoccupied with theory, and search for the universal law behind everything they see. They want to understand the unifying themes of life, in all their complexity.

INTPs are detached, analytical observers who can seem oblivious to the world around them because they are so deeply absorbed in thought. They spend much of their time in their own heads: exploring concepts, making connections, and seeking understanding of how things work. To the Architect, life is an ongoing inquiry into the mysteries of the universe.

Additional Notes: Another ✨ Stereotype ✨. I just feel that whenever I think of INTPs, I think of Madison. He just fits, again, all the criteria and makes the most sense.

Alexander Hamilton: ENTJ

Cognitive Stack: TeNiSeFi

E = Extravert

N = Intuitive

T = Thinker

J = Judger

Type Description: ENTJs are strategic leaders, motivated to organize change. They are quick to see inefficiency and conceptualize new solutions, and enjoy developing long-range plans to accomplish their vision. They excel at logical reasoning and are usually articulate and quick-witted.

ENTJs are analytical and objective, and like bringing order to the world around them. When there are flaws in a system, the ENTJ sees them, and enjoys the process of discovering and implementing a better way. ENTJs are assertive and enjoy taking charge; they see their role as that of leader and manager, organizing people and processes to achieve their goals.

Additional Notes: I'm actually a ENTJ, so I had a lot of this stuff in my head. I mean, I could kind of see Hamilton being an ENTJ, but I'm still pretty mad that he is, considering I hate him. But, it kind of makes sense, and it’s to the point that I can’t ignore it and just have to accept the fact.

Benjamin Franklin: ENTP

Cognitive Stack: NeTiFeSi

E = Extravert

N = Intuitive

T = Thinker

P = Perceiver

Type Description: ENTPs are energized by challenge and are often inspired by a problem that others perceive as impossible to solve. They are confident in their ability to think creatively, and may assume that others are too tied to tradition to see a new way. ENTPs rely on their ingenuity to deal with the world around them, and rarely find preparation necessary. They will often jump into a new situation and trust themselves to adapt as they go.

ENTPs are masters of re-inventing the wheel and often refuse to do a task the same way twice. They question norms and often ignore them altogether. Established procedures are uninspiring to the Visionary, who would much rather try a new method (or two) than go along with the standard.

Additional Notes: I just feel that in general, Franklin is the stereotype of the ENTP type too. They are honestly all inventors, and out of the box thinkers? Who do I think of when I hear this personality trope? Franklin.

James Monroe: ESTJ

Cognitive Functions: TeSiNeFi

E = Extravert

S = Sensor

T = Thinker

J = Judger

Type Description: ESTJs are hardworking traditionalists, eager to take charge in organizing projects and people. Orderly, rule-abiding, and conscientious, ESTJs like to get things done, and tend to go about projects in a systematic, methodical way.

ESTJs are the consummate organizers, and want to bring structure to their surroundings. They value predictability and prefer things to proceed in a logical order. When they see a lack of organization, the ESTJ often takes the initiative to establish processes and guidelines, so that everyone knows what's expected.

Additional Notes: Monroe is definitely not the founder that I focus the most on, but the criteria for the ESTJ type fits him really well from what I’ve read and heard. Don’t really have an objection to this, and I support it enough to place it in this document.

John Jay: INTP

Cognitive Stack: TiNeSiFe

I = Introverted

N = Intuitive

T = Thinker

P = Perceiver

Additional Notes: Wow, another INTP? Yes. Again, Jay isn’t the founder that I spend the most time with, but the INTP type fits him the most. Funny how a diplomat has Fe as an inferior function...it doesn’t matter much here though, as what matters is the fact that all the other functions match up the most. And, I guess Hamilton was thinking of INTPs when he wanted to write the Federalist Papers, huh?

Aaron Burr: INFJ?

Cognitive Stack: NiFeTiSe

I = Introverted

N = Intuitive

F = Feeler

J = Judger

The Counselor has a unique ability to intuit others' emotions and motivations, and will often know how someone else is feeling before that person knows it himself. They trust their insights about others and have strong faith in their ability to read people. Although they are sensitive, they are also reserved; the INFJ is a private sort, and is selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.

Additional Notes: I can’t ever decide with this man. Before I found out cognitive functions existed, I had my heart set on him being an INTJ. Now I know that cognitive functions do exist, however, I find that he fits more of an INFJ function set. I still can see him as an INTJ, no doubt about that, but I’ll settle for the other Ni dom for now.

John Laurens: ENFP

Cognitive Stack: NeFiTeSi

E = Extravert

N = Intuitive

F = Feeler

P = Perceiver

Type Description: ENFPs are people-centered creators with a focus on possibilities and a contagious enthusiasm for new ideas, people and activities. Energetic, warm, and passionate, ENFPs love to help other people explore their creative potential.

ENFPs are typically agile and expressive communicators, using their wit, humor, and mastery of language to create engaging stories. Imaginative and original, ENFPs often have a strong artistic side. They are drawn to art because of its ability to express inventive ideas and create a deeper understanding of human experience.

Additional Notes: In general, I feel that Laurens just matches up the ENFP stereotype really well and all the cognitive functions. I mean, NeFi is pretty accurate for him, and I think at this point it’s self explanatory. Not to mention the fact that ENTJ & ENFP are, arguably, the most compatible personality types of the whole entire MBTI system.

Marquis de Lafayette: ENFJ

Cognitive Stack: FeNiSeTi

E = Extravert

N = Intuitive

F = Feeler

J = Judger

Type Description: ENFJs are idealist organizers, driven to implement their vision of what is best for humanity. They often act as catalysts for human growth because of their ability to see potential in other people and their charisma in persuading others to their ideas. They are focused on values and vision, and are passionate about the possibilities for people.

ENFJs are typically energetic and driven, and often have a lot on their plates. They are tuned into the needs of others and acutely aware of human suffering; however, they also tend to be optimistic and forward-thinking, intuitively seeing opportunity for improvement. The ENFJ is ambitious, but their ambition is not self-serving: rather, they feel personally responsible for making the world a better place.

Additional Notes: I feel that Lafayette could also match up with the ENFP personality type easily, but I decided not to fully go for it. Why, I don’t know. I feel the ENFP stereotype I have fully reserved for Laurens, and that Lafayette has taken my ENFJ stereotype as a substitute. I also used to think of Lafayette being an ENFJ highly before I learned about cognitive functions; once I did learn about them I started debating his type. In the end, I’ve just decided on him being an ENFX (x being a variable for either j or p), albeit with a ENFJ lean.

Elizabeth Schuyler-Hamilton: INFP

Cognitive Functions: FiNeSiTe

I = Introvert

N = Intuitive

F = Feeler

P = Perceiver

Type Description: INFPs are imaginative idealists, guided by their own core values and beliefs. To an INFP, possibilities are paramount; the realism of the moment is only of passing concern. They see potential for a better future, and pursue truth and meaning with their own individual flair.

INFPs are sensitive, caring, and compassionate, and are deeply concerned with the personal growth of themselves and others. Individualistic and nonjudgmental, INFPs believe that each person must find their own path. They enjoy spending time exploring their own ideas and values, and are gently encouraging to others to do the same. INFPs are creative and often artistic; they enjoy finding new outlets for self-expression.

Additional Notes: INFPs are often seen as the “cinnamon roll” of the MBTI types (their dominant Fi and auxiliary Ne playing a big part in this) and who is more of a cinnamon roll than Eliza. I know this is honestly more of a Hamilton thing than an Amrev one, but I felt like I wanted to include her, as she was really the person I spent the most time focusing on, MBTI wise, before I encountered Amrev and everything that was left of my Hamilton infatuation dissipated.

#i wrote this a month ago but i’m posting it now #i think it’s also on ao3?#amrev #alexander hamilton #john laurens #george washington #john adams #thomas jefferson #james madison #john jay #james monroe #marquis de lafayette #elizabeth schuyler #benjamin franklin

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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The 629/926 tritype and people-pleasing

I read your old post about the Enneagram & people-pleasing (https://funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com/post/184965682165/can-someone-with-primary-or-auxiliary-fi-be-a) and had to laugh at myself about how ALL the numbers in my 926 tritype are motivated to people-please. A triple-whammy of being uncomfortable with conflict, caring a bit too much sometimes about other people’s opinions, and struggling to express one’s own needs. Do you have any tips for dealing with the anxiety/stress this kind of combination can bring, as I remember you’ve mentioned you also share this tritype in a different order? Conversely, do you think there are any strengths/assets to having this tritype? (so I can console myself after all the anxiety 😂). Thank you so much for helping me find my tritype :)

Yeah, it is. I talk about it in depth here.

I think probably the biggest asset for me is – I don’t and never have struggled with holding grudges. I can just forgive people (once I understand what motivated it, per my 6) and move on without harboring any deep resentments. A lot of the people around me struggle to forgive and forget and my anger just kind of … dissipates and goes away, sometimes immediately and other times over a few days or weeks. And believe me, that is an incredible asset, since there’s nothing worse or harder than fighting against being angry or wanting revenge all the time. Cinderella has this tritype and it’s always a wonderful moment for me in the live action film where she forgives her stepmother as she’s going out the door, because – she’s going into a brighter future, why would she carry the burden of past grievances with her?

The negative flip side of this, of course, is that this tritype is self-berating a lot, because it has a continuous desire to be a better person. All the fixes want to be more selfless and generous and strive for something more for themselves, and be kinder to people out of a 2-6 notion of what true goodness is like (less so with an 8 fix on the 9, but if they are 9w1 in particular – there’s all that sense of “moral right” slipping in). All 269 combos can beat themselves up for their mistakes or failures or how they failed a relationship (and it’s their fault) and be wondering why it happened or what went wrong and how they could have fixed it… long after they have forgiven and forgotten the other person’s sins, because they assume relationships are theirs to preserve, treasure, and fix (2). I would say this is the hardest thing to overcome, no matter what the order of your fixes are – this “taking the world onto my shoulders and making it my problem” aspect of relational habits. 269s have to learn that relationships can just fail, it’s not their fault, they don’t have to fix every single one, they don’t need some people in their life, they need to realize and accept that some people are toxic or wrong for them or cannot be fixed or drain their energy, and it doesn’t make them a bad person to walk away from that guilt-free.

This usually is a good-natured tritype that wants to be happy – but unlike the 279 isn’t in denial about the bad things, just doesn’t want to over-think about them. 2 and 9 together are always wanting to see the beauty of life, and focus on pleasant things, but 6 is also cautious and fearful. Altogether, it makes for probably the most pleasant (for other people) tritype to be around, because of the universally forgiving, generous, and sweet disposition – but to put it bluntly, we can be too nice, too forgiving, and too willing to help. How you start to unpack your type is by starting with the fixes. For you, 6 and 2 are lower, which means you can learn to consider them “optional.” In other words, it’ll be easy for you to notice 6 projections and anxieties and talk yourself out of them. For 2, you can ask yourself whether it’s really your place or duty to “help” this person, or if they can do it for themselves. 2 fixers can learn to let people be independent and take care of themselves, rather than rushing to do it for them. You can also work through the uncomfortably self-exposing 2 questions of “am I doing this just so they will like me?” Or “Am I angry at them because they don’t ‘do unto me’ the way I do unto them? Because I expect some payback in kind for my efforts?” I realized I was 2 fixed the day I was mad at my best friend for not being supportive of me in the way I needed, but also realized I had never specifically told her what I wanted her to do, I had just been “doing” that for her, hoping she would pay me back in kind. And then I 2w1ishly beat myself up about it. (You shouldn’t WANT or NEED things from your friends! You SHOULD be selfless and loving with no return!) Meh.

Regarding people-pleasing, you should seize your autonomy and realize that for most things, it is optional and you can say no without causing too much strife. I still want to people-please some, but over time people start taking advantage of you and that causes resentment in being used, and at some point, you start getting sick of it and start laying down more boundaries. I had one friend who would always appeal to me to spend time with her, even though I was busy and had other projects going – and I would guilt-trip myself into saying yes out of a 2ish self-talk (she needs you, she’s lonely, she has no other friends who live here, you can take time off to be with her) … but I realized over time (and over the pandemic) that… she has actually managed to survive without me, she has gone weeks at a time without seeing me and not curled up and died of neglect, she can wait to see me until I am my best self, not a tired version of myself who has dragged myself to see her out of guilt rather than a desire to connect. Before I started telling this person, “I can’t, I’m busy this week” she knew she could lean on me, be a little whiny about feeling lonely, and I would squeeze her in – now she knows when I say I am busy, she has to wait. And that’s good for us both.

People deserve your best self, not your guilt-tripped self – and don’t let them whine or plead or infer or guilt-trip you into things you don’t want to do. Say no and mean it. That’s the best advice for this trype or any type with 9 as a central focus – stand firm, set out a boundary, and defend it. If you are busy, say you are busy. Don’t give excuses, or over-explain, just say you cannot do it. If people push you, reaffirm “I’m sorry, I know, but I can’t.” Sooner or later, they quit because they know they can’t bully you into doing something for them.

Whatever your core is, is going to be the hardest thing to get under control. If it is 2, it’s going to be image-seeking, attention-grabbing, and invasive ‘helping’ whether that is to do physical things for people or offer unsolicited advice to help them cure their life problems. If it is 9, it is going to be numbing yourself out to conflict, refusing to assert your own wants and needs, and letting things go when you should address them (getting in touch with your anger). If it’s 6, it’s going to be over-thinking, being fearful-avoidant of attachments and sending people mixed signals, and projecting (”I’m anxious about not being wanted, so I KNOW they are going to reject me and are sending me negative signals!”). I fight the latter all the time and it’s HARD, so I won’t pretend getting over your core is a picnic, and anyone who says they have “aced it” and are now “a healthy version of their type” is either mistyped or a liar. We’re all wallowing in ourselves.

It’s funny, I can sense when someone else or even a fictional character has this tritype, because I see a lot of myself in them – not in a Fi way, but in a tritype way. They say you understand best people who share your struggles and what you want to be per your tritype’s focus and needs and it’s true. I can sniff out a 269 anywhere.

#question #mbti #269 #962 #629 #692 #926 #296 #tritype #submission

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translations-by-aiimee · 3 years

Text

Mistakenly Saving the Villain - Chapter 5

Original Title: 论救错反派的下场

Genres: Drama, Romance, Xianxia, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5 - Wrong Answer

Readers who have read novels such as transmigration, quick transmigration, and system plotlines, know that if the fate of the character in the story must be changed, it should be prevented before the character's tragic fate has occurred. However, Song Qingshi interpreted this as the event having already occurred, and was meant to save the character who had already suffered a tragic fate. This train of thought meant that his decision was a thousand miles off.

In the original book, Yue Wuhuan only appeared three times:

The first time was when the shou protagonist had just been sold to Golden Phoenix Manor. When he saw the unbearable scene of Yue Wuhuan being played with by the guests, his three views shattered.

The second time was when the protagonist's naive illusion of the future was destroyed and he was forced to accept his identity because of the ridicule and humiliating remarks of Yue Wuhuan.

The third time, Yue Wuhuan was taken out by Jin FeiRen on the Langgan stage to treat the guests and was accidentally torn to pieces by the demon tiger. Jin FeiRen concealed the actual explanation of the demon tiger's madness and treated it as a deliberately arranged game for the banquet. With this extreme fear, he shattered the last trace of the protagonist's dignity, making him completely surrender and become a plaything.

In short, Yue Wuhuan was a small supporting role with little substance, leaving the plot early, using his degeneracy to offset the beauty of the protagonist. His beauty was only like that of a beautiful flower that was about to wither. How can it be compared with the pure and clean flower bud that had not yet bloomed in the dawn?

This was a super simple multiple-choice question that every reader could figure out!

If the system was a living thing and watching over the exam being taken, it would be so angry that it would have come out and beaten that foolish Song Qingshi to death.

Scholar-Tyrant Song didn't know that he had drifted so far from the original goal, but he was still eagerly confident, trying to do his best and vowing to get a perfect score!

On the way back to the Valley of the Medicine King, Song Qingshi had recalled all the memories of his original body and integrated it with its massive knowledge of medicine and alchemy. There were rare and exotic herbs and miraculous medicines in the cultivation world. However, similar to traditional Chinese medicine, even if the medicine worked wonders, the science behind the effects of these medicines was still a mystery.

Modern medicine conducts systematic research on traditional Chinese medicine to find out the monarch-minister-auxiliary relationship within its components, extracted the useful ingredients in each concoction, and then developed medicine that was easier to take and had even better results.

A female scientist won the Nobel Prize for this, benefiting the world. Song Qingshi focused on modern medicine, leaped away from the traditional path of immortality, and quickly found new ideas for solving problems for many areas that the original body had failed to properly study. He used the Tiangong Pavilion to make modern scientific instrument substitutes, and then analyze the effective ingredients in the immortal medicines, purify them, research them, and even artificially synthesize them. . .

In Song Qingshi's mind, there were countless experimental schemes in an endless stream, and there were tens of thousands of books and inexhaustible medicinal materials in the Medicine King's Valley, as well as abundant research funds.

He was overjoyed, like a mouse that fell into a vat of rice. He wanted to kiss the system if he could.

Song Qingshi fully understood why the original body lived here, staying in such a cultivation paradise. He could live here for the rest of his life!

He could immerse himself in the ocean of intense studying and research every day. He could dedicate his life and soul to his favourite medical god. No one could send him back!

Song Qingshi looked at Yue Wuhuan in his arms. The more he looked at him, the more he loved him.

This was the big treasure that had given him everything! He would do everything he could to save him, just like his parents used to treat him before; indulged, spoiled, loved, and giving him all the good things he needed so that he can live a happy life like a prince in a fairy tale!

Song 'a father's love is like a mountain' Qingshi was full of ambition. He suppressed his excitement and immediately placed Yue Wuhuan in the side hall of his bedroom. He did everything by himself. First, he poured the elixir carefully with the crane-mouthed pot to re-invigorate the breath of life. Then he changed into white clothes, put on a homemade mask, and found a pair of extremely thin animal leather gloves. After he finished disinfecting the wounds, gently cut off the blood-soaked gauze and feather skirt on Yue Wuhuan's body with scissors, rinsed the wounds, and then sutured them with very fine silkworm thread. Then, he cut off the shackles and treated his ankle wounds.

Song Qingshi's movements were extremely gentle and quick, barely touching any skin, but Yue Wuhuan's body was extremely sensitive. He twitched slightly and groaned a few times before falling asleep again. Song Qingshi took the opportunity to take some blood samples for analysis, and also performed a full-body scan of him with his mental probe. He was a good-tempered person, but after seeing the disastrously ruined dantian and meridians in Yue Wuhuan's body, he couldn't help but curse darkly at those beasts. He scolded them repeatedly, thinking about how he was going to explain this situation to him once he woke up.

Song Qingshi was not good at communicating with strangers. He was able to make do when discussing his interests, but his thoughts often went blank when forced into small talk. For example, when everyone watched the popular men's group selection variety show together and argued over who was the male god?

He answered sincerely that it was Asclepius, the god of medicine. . .

Song Qing hasn't understood why everyone said he killed the conversation.

He thought hard for a long time and remembered that when his Lou Gerhig's hadn't been as advanced, he worked in a hospital for an internship. His senior brother knew that Song Qinshi was afraid of social interaction and would end up a stuttering mess when he tried to have conversations with his patients. He taught Song Qingshi: "Push down all of your feelings and act like a medical machine. First write down their case in detail and their treatment plan, recite it with a smile, and then end with a comforting sentence." Song Qingshi took this secret technique, practiced many times in front of the teacher, and, finally, he could talk to patients without fear.

A hospital is a place for treatment, just like how the Medicine King's Valley is a place for treatment. What's the difference?

After Song Qingshi had this epiphany, he replaced Yue Wuhuan’s bed sheets and bedding with the white ones commonly used in hospitals. He ordered the valley servant to make several sets of patient clothes, put them on by himself, and then tied roots on his wrist to represent the hospital information band. With a red wristband and a sign on the bed with "Special Care" and the instructions for how to care for him, Song Qingshi instantly felt calm in this makeshift hospital environment.

He wasn't comfortable with the type of care that the valley servantswere giving and took on nursing himself. He was careful and not afraid of getting tired. He wiped down Yue Wuhuan's body and washed his face, fed him medicine and water, and even replaced the bedding to deal with all kinds of filth.

When Yue Wuhuan woke up three days later, he was confused. He didn't know where he was. He stared at the white veil on the top of the bed in a daze for a long time. He finally realized that he was still alive and he hadn't been this relaxed in a long time.

He closed his eyes, faintly recalling the slight fragrance of medicine lingering from his dream and the hands that had gently released all the restraints for him. He took a deep breath. He didn't want to wake up and face the never-ending nightmare.

After who know's how long, Yue Wuhuan threw his eyes open, remembering where he had smelled the fragrance of the medicine. He slowly turned his head and looked at the round table next to him, but saw that Medicine Master Xianzun was attentively making changes to the cursive writings on the table. He was frowning, his expression serious, as if thinking about something bad. There was also a familiar spirit bead in the silver plate next to him, and it became obvious that he had been given to another guest to be played with.

Yue Wuhuan’s phoenix eyes shrank. The rumors of the perverse and evil deeds of the Medicine Master Xianzun appeared in his mind, but he was not afraid. Whether he was willing or unwilling meant nothing under the control of the spirit bead. Besides, his broken body was no longer worthy of being cherished. He took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and struggled to get out of bed, but a sharp pain came from his shoulder, which made him dizzy and he fell right back down. Song Qingshi never had any distractions when he was researching. He heard the movement and found that the patient was awake. He was afraid that Yue Wuhuan might have moved his body and reopened the wound. He quickly reprimanded him with a stern tone: "You, go to bed right away! You are not allowed to get off for ten days!"

This stern technique was a secret taught by the head nurse of the hospital. It had a good effect on treating patients who didn't follow the doctor's advice.

"Ten days?" Yue Wuhuan was stunned. He couldn't help but look at Song Qingshi up and down. The more he looked, the more he felt that his appearance was deceiving. He had been with guests for many years, and he was used to seeing many lustful scenes, but he never would've guessed that this person had such prowess in the bed. . .

Seeing that he hadn't gotten back on the bed, Song Qingshi put down his pen, walked over and picked him up with his own hands.

Yue Wuhuan remained unmoved, stretched out his hand and gently hugged his neck. Hot fingertips touched his cool skin, as smooth as cool jade, and the clear and clean scent of medicine wrapped around him gently like if he was in a dream. Yue Wuhuan couldn't help but shake for a moment. He chasticized his heart for still not knowing how to behave, then resumed his usual posture, and breathed out ambiguously: "I hope that Xianxun will take pity. . ."

"Don't worry, I will." Song Qingshi put him back on the bed carefully, then pulled the blanket up. He wrapped him up tightly, and solemnly told him, "The valley is wet and cold. You have a mortal body so be careful of the cold and stay under the blanket. Keep your hands and feet tucked in and don’t kick off the sheets."

Yue Wuhuan had never seen this trick in bed before and was at a bit of a loss.

"You;re a patient now. Let me tell you about your situation." Song Qingshi turned back to the table, picked up a stack of paper covered with words. He nervously pushed the non-existent glasses on the bridge of his nose, and read with a smile, formulating his tone. "The patient is Yue Wuhuan. There are three lacerations from the right shoulder to the chest, which are 18 cm, 14 cm and 12 cm long. The right shoulder bone is fractured, and the suprascapular artery has been ruptured. The right elbow has a skin contusion. The left and right wrists have skin tissue bruises, the left and right knees are bruised along with the left and right ankle tissue. The buttocks skin has soft tissue lacerations. There are signs of drug abuse in the body and potentially drug addiction. Do you understand?"

Yue Wuhuan only felt that his stiff smile must look increasingly forced. The more he thought about it, the crazier everything seemed. All he could do was nod his head and pretendto understand.

"Very good." Song Qingshi felt that what he said was both detailed and easy to understand, and began to recite the preliminary treatment plan. "Your dantian and meridians have been destroyed, and your body is seriously damaged. Your body is too fragile right now to use stronger medicine, so you cannot take Rejuvenation Pill, Gather Breathe and Disperse Pill, All Creation Pill or the Bone Growth Pill. You need to be treated with mortal medicine first, and then treated with the Six Meridian Rejuvanation medicated bath. Then you'll take the Rising Dragon Pill and Nine Revolution Blood Lotus Pill."

Yue Wuhuan finally understood what he was saying. These pills were common immortal medicines, and he had also taken it when he was seriously injured.

The All Creation Pill and Rising Dragon Pill were worth thousands, and he had heard that the poster of Jape Pearl Tower's Lord had used it for his own treasure.

He didn't know what the Six Meridian Rejuvanation medicated bath was, but the Nine Revolution Blood Lotus Pill was the treasure of the immortal world. It is made of ten thousand year-old blood lotuses. There were only nine in the world and only few know where their locations. He only knew that the master of Xuanji Palace had used it and ascended to Fen Shen; the lord of Fluttering Snow Fortress turned against his Daoist companion and killed him and his wife to win the treasure; one appeared in the Qizhen Pavilion auction, and it was won by the owner of the East Sea Langya Pavilion with hundreds of thousands of high-grade spirit stones. For some reason, Jin FeiRen wasn't able to participate in the auction. He always brought it up as one of the greatest regrets in his life.

If it were described in mortal terms, it would be like saving a beggar on the side of the road and saying that you would give him precious delicacies, golden houses, jade horses, and billions in wealth. FInally, you tell him you'll give him the fade seal of the country and all lands under the heavens. Only an idiot would believe these claims.

Yue Wuhuan laughed but his heart was cold. He basically confirmed that Song Qingshi was just toying with him.

He had also encountered many such sweet talkers, pretending to show compassion for some and pity for others. All he wanted, though, was to coax his slaves to play this game with him. He only lusted after his dirty body, in the end.

Song Qingshi finished off with some final closing words: "Don't worry, as long as you follow the doctor's advice and cooperate with the treatment, you'll be cured."

"Okay," Yue Wuhuan's phoenix eyes showed a bit of flattery, and he replied in a sultry voice: "This slave depend on Xianzun for everything. . ."

"I almost forgot." Song Qingshi looked into his eyes and suddenly remembered something. He put on the animal skin gloves again, picked up a luminous bead the size of a goose egg and placed it in a strange, long, tube-shape lampshade. Then he sat on the side of the bed, leaned over and looked at Yue Wuhuan. He gave him a serious warning: "This may be a little uncomfortable, please bear with me."

Yue Wuhuan smiled self-deprecatingly. He let the phoenix eyes show waves of desire, and he relaxed his body, waiting to be played with.

Song Qingshi stretched out his hand and opened his eyes, illuminating the inside of the eyes with the luminous bead. He carefully observed for a while, then whispered: "The problem of the lacrimal secretion system is not visible on the outside, so I still have to do a colored dye inspection..."

Yue Wuhuan: "???"

#mistakenly saving the villain #mistakenly saving the villain translation #chinese bl #chinese novel #english translation #yaoi novel #song qinshi #yue wuhuan

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emilia3546 · 3 years

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Shadowsinger -Part 19

ACOSF Spoilers! Do Not read this unless you have finished ACOSF and the Azriel bonus chapter*

Masterlist with all previous chapters

*****

With Azriel double checking their plans to get into the Mortal Palace, Gwyn was free to help Nesta and Emerie in designing a training program for the Illyrian females. Most of them had clipped wings, only the youngest did not, so any training would be land-based, and there wasn't enough time for aerial combat for those who could fly anyway. Gwyn hadn't even considered them being on the front lines, but they could perhaps form an auxiliary force, the last line to break, the surprise that the rebels weren't expecting. Still, not everyone wanted to train, and not all of them could bear to fight, not when they might face fathers, husbands, brothers, sons on the other side of the battlefield. Even those who could not, or would not, fight could still be helpful though. It had been Emerie who had suggested that Madja and Velaris' healers run some medical training for those who preferred to help in that way. Nesta's eyes had darkened with rage at the thought of the grievous injuries that would undoubtedly be sustained when the fighting broke out, and Gwyn threw an arm over her shoulders, knowing that she was recalling Cassian's injuries from the last war.

"The most important thing will be on the battlefield," Gwyn mused, "The issue with our healers is that they are based at camps, so casualties can't reach them. If we can get a group of medics on the battlefield, at least trained to defend themselves if necessary, but with the key skills to keep casualties alive until they can be seen by a healer, we'll be in a much better position. Especially if those medics are female, they'll be ignored and overlooked." Nesta nodded her agreement, and Emerie suggested a few females that she knew who might be interested in such a role.

"Every Illyrian female knows some basic healing skills, but nothing that would work on a battlefield, we'll have to get word out quickly, and hope that the males don't object." Nesta grinned,

"Oh, they won't object, not if I personally send out invitations to classes. They think I'm a witch, and they're scared shitless of me, my presence on a battlefield might hopefully convince the rebels to think twice, although, perhaps not, if they're willing to rebel against their High Lord and Lady."

"Oh they'll definitely think twice about fighting you, sweetheart," Cassian chuckled, starling all females as he strode through the open door and kissed the top of Nesta's head, she shrugged,

"I'll just have to make them think that I'll cast a spell to cut their balls off," Cassian laughed again,

"Such a beautiful, violent female," he murmured, casting his gaze across the training plans,

"Any changes you suggest?" Gwyn asked, keen to break up the way both Nesta and Cassian had looked at each other just then,

"It's pretty good, but I'd focus a little more on hand-to-hand combat, we don't have time to fully build up to swords, perhaps fighting knives would be better. They're lighter, and females are smaller, quicker, lighter than males, knives would allow them to use that to their advantage in a fight, even against a male wielding a broadsword." Gwyn noted down Cassian's suggestions, leaving the final decisions to Nesta and Emerie, it would be them, after all, who oversaw the training, Gwyn would be working with Azriel to remain one step ahead of the rebels, and the queens.

Gwyn noted the room slowly filling up, but it didn't bother her, it didn't bother her that with Amren was that dark-skinned male whom she hardly knew. She merely acknowledged his presence with a nod, her attention fixed on finishing her portion of the the plans, leaning back in her chair, and stretching. Azriel was the last to arrive, automatically making his way across to Gwyn and resting a hand on the back of her chair. She tipped her head sideways to slightly touch that hand. Azriel would never be one for public affection like Cassian and Nesta, but, like Cassian, he needed that contact, needed the contact he had been denied for so long to remind himself that she didn't hate him, that she loved him, that he was worthy of her love, had always been. Even Amren had stifled a smile at Gwyn's subtle display of affection, and Theia was practically beaming with joy at the way Azriel had relaxed at Gwyn's touch, the tension in his muscles releasing before he spoke,

"Gwyn and I have finalized a way into the Mortal Palace. We will have to go alone, and ordinarily, I wouldn't even suggest bringing her at this point in her training, but she has contacts within, and outside the Palace. She is our way in, and our way to send reports back here. We'll spell the reports, but only to one person, I can't work a spell more complicated than that." He looked to Rhys and Feyre, "Who do want me to spell it to?" Feyre shuffled in her seat,

"Rhys." Rhys made to complain, but Feyre raised a hand, "He has more experience, and will know the key things to look for, especially with reports from you, you know each other's way of working better than me, I'm still learning how to be High Lady. And," she added with a sigh, "I have to feed Nyx several times every night, I'm tired, I might miss something." Rhys sighed but nodded,

"Spell the reports to me then. When can you expect to get in?"

"We'll leave tomorrow," Gwyn answered, "There's only a few final preparations needed, Azriel can winnow us onto the continent, but we'll have to travel the rest of the way on foot, by air it'll be too visible, and to winnow any closer might set off wards, besides, some of my friends live a few miles out. We should be able to get into the Palace within a week, unless we come across something unaccounted for, I'd expect the first update about a week after that, give or take." Azriel nodded,

"I'll only be wearing two siphons most of the time, and we won't be in full armor, the aim is to get in disguised as a rebel warrior and his wife." He paused for a moment, and Gwyn nodded, encouraging him to continue after a moment's hesitation. "Gwyn will be noticed at once as out of place," Azriel turned to Rhys, "Can you glamour her to appear Illyrian? You only need to give her wings." Still, wings were the most difficult part of that request, if he couldn't make a glamour look realistic, Gwyn had already agreed to allow them to attempt to shift her into an Illyrian body. Rhys pursed his lips,

"I can try, but I don't know if I'l be able to make them move naturally if I'm not there, the innate magic may not be enough." Gwyn knew that, but she still asked him to try, and closed her eyes at the touch of night-flecked power on her. "Just move about a bit, Gwyn, let me see if it works without me actively moving it around." She got up, walked a couple of laps on the room, threw a couple of punches at the air, turned around quickly, but her face fell at the silence around her,

"It's not working is it?"

"No, I'm sorry," Rhys muttered, "The only other way would be to shift your body into that of an Illyrian. I can definitely do that, and then reverse it when you're back, but it would involve me changing your body." He said carefully, slowly gauging her reaction

"I know." Gwyn said, her chin held high as the glamour lifted, "Az already warned me, and it's okay. I trust him, and everyone in this room," there was a moment of surprise in Rhys' eyes as he glanced towards Varian, "Even him. He has been nothing but kind and respectful, and he has already earned all of your trust, I would be foolish not to trust him as well, if all of you do, he must have proved himself several times."

"That he has," Rhys mused, and offered Feyre a questioning glance, falling silent for a moment before Feyre broke the silence,

"We think it'll be better if I do this, I have more experience with different types of shifting, and I have shifted myself into an Illyrian form many times. I've also seen, and felt the magic's imprint, when Tamlin shifted others into different forms, Rhys has only ever shifted himself into his beast form. Gwyn nodded, altogether more comfortable with Feyre's magic, as a female, it somehow felt familiar, less alien and frightening. "This will probably tingle a bit and feel odd, but it won't hurt." Gwyn mentally braced herself, almost flinching at the tingle in her shoulders, then expanding across her whole body. She opened her eyes once the tingling had faded, she felt the same, but the moment she moved something felt wrong, different. Her balance was off, something pulling her backwards. She flexed her shoulders, and a whoosh of air alerted her to the wings now flaring out behind her. She flinched at the sound of breaking china,

"Sorry," she muttered, and wriggled the wings around a bit before figuring out how to close them. The one thing that she had expected to bother her didn't, the weight of the wings was less than she'd thought it would be, and her training had built up her muscles so that she could carry them easily without worrying about dragging them on the floor.

"You could fly if you wanted to," Feyre said, "I've made them look clipped as that's what would make sense, but the tendons and muscles beneath are normal, and I don't expect there'll be much time for you to learn to fly anyway, but in an emergency you will be able to." Gwyn nodded, "You should get used to moving around with them, and fighting, it feels a bit different to usual, your center of balance is shifted backwards, so it just takes a bit of getting used to."

"I'm sure it will, we have until lunch tomorrow to get ready, so hopefully I'll be re-balanced by then. It should definitely be before we reach the Palace at any rate."

*****

Gwyn had adjusted to the wings remarkably quickly, the walk to the training ring seeming to be long enough for her to figure out how her balance needed to shift. She warmed up normally, albeit a little slower than usual, but she didn't seem to have any issues, not ones that she needed Azriel's help with anyway.

"Okay, just practice unfolding and folding your wings for now, we can do something more once you're comfortable with that." Gwyn nodded, and flared out her wings, faster than before, and stumbled backwards, Azriel stifled a chuckle at her surprise, but she folded them in, then out again, and kept her balance. She kept going until she could do it while walking around, sitting down, drawing a weapon. She cursed Azriel's name soundly when he made her practice doing it while running and drawing a weapon at the same time, a wooden practice sword. Gwyn had questioned what the point was in using a practice sword, but as she clipped the corner of a wing and tripped up, rolling to regain her feet she just glared at him. "Go again," he chuckled, "Any child can do this,"

"Any child can do this," she mimicked, glaring at him, and he laughed,

"I do not sound like that," She just huffed, but did as she was told, falling several more times before she fixed her timing and drew the sword from a sheath at her side consistently without falling. The moment she was confident with that, Azriel switched the sheath to one down her spine. She could do it standing still on the first try, but the moment she started moving, her wings moved a bit, and she kept hitting them, sending her sprawling onto the floor. She groaned, but kept getting back up, slapping away Azriel's hand when he extended it, a multitude of profanities falling from her lips each time. He could barely hold back his laughter at the sight of Gwyn, usually so balanced and elegant, falling on her ass, and swearing enough to put even Cassian to shame. Still, a beautiful rosy blush was now staining her cheeks, and she was panting slightly in the sun's punishing heat. "One more." He called, and Gwyn flipped him off before taking off at a sprint, and whooping in delight when she drew her sword without incident, looking back at him and grinning with undisguised joy. "Take a break."

"No. I want to fight," she complained,

"Break. Once we start combat training we'll go until you're ready to drop, break. Now." He left no room for argument, but Gwyn still rolled her eyes as she nudged past him to get to the water he'd brought out. She'd made a hundred such gestures, but each time he couldn't help the rush of delight that washed over him that she was able to be this comfortable whilst alone with a male, let alone that male being him. She was still experimenting with the position of her wings, but stopped when she noticed Azriel's attention, muttering something about overbearing busybodies before practically bouncing up to him and demanding that they move on to combat. Azriel couldn't help but match her energy, not as she grinned and almost danced on the spot when he agreed, but he did make her walk through her patterns first, demonstrating them so that she could see what he did with his wings. He did warn her not to think too much about them though, with the muscles at the base, they would re-balance subconsciously, even though she hadn't been born with them.

As with almost everything he had ever thrown at her, Gwyn took back to fighting with surprising ease, enough that he was confident to agree to spar at the end of their training session. He moved a little slower than usual, his blows lighter than usual, giving Gwyn a little extra time to balance to parry each blow and then retaliate. She, however, did not hold back, and at times it felt like she was trying to knock Azriel's head off, and very nearly succeeded at one point, with Azriel only just dodging the blow and ducking under her blade to force her to turn. As she spun round, the momentum forced her wings out, and she struggled to balance, flaring them out further, and Azriel yelped when she smacked him across the face, having failed to step far enough back. Gwyn froze at the sound, finally regaining her balance and whirled to find Azriel taking a few steps back to a healthy distance,

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She rushed towards him, and pulled his face down, inspecting the slightly reddened skin of his cheek, and tutted to herself, "Sorry," she whispered again, and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek, "There. That's better," she said, "I think we'd better call it a day there, I'm getting tired, so I'll just end up doing that again otherwise." Azriel nodded, then gently caught her wrist, turning her back towards him,

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just, I don't know," she shrugged, "I'm fine though, I'm fine," he raised an eyebrow at that, she seemed to be convincing herself more than him,

"Pre-mission nerves?"

"I guess," she sighed, "I'll be fine once we've got there."

"I want to show you something, how I always got over it." Gwyn smirked at that,

"And what would that be?"

"Hold on," that was the only warning Gwyn got before he scooped her up and launched upwards, leaving her screaming and throwing her arms around his neck. Azriel flapped again, rising up and up and up, until Velaris was just a mosaic of lights below them, he leveled out and Gwyn whooped in delight, before smacking him on the arm,

"Asshole!" She hissed, but Azriel just chuckled and pretended to drop her, making her squeal again, and cling on to him tighter, burying her face in his neck, "I hate you," she mumbled, but still relaxed into him, and pressed another kiss against the cheek her wing had smacked,

"Really hold on now," Azriel murmured, this time waiting until she was clinging on before offering her a cocky smirk, and falling out of the sky. A scream tore from Gwyn's throat as they fell, tumbling through the air, his wings blowing up around them as the wind rushed past, whipping Azriel's hair around his face. Quickly Gwyn's screams turned into shouts and whoops of delight, the wind tearing her hair out of her braid, sending it flying out behind her, and Azriel laughed, truly laughed, pulling her in for a kiss. He clutched her tighter against his chest, flipping over so that he could see the ground, and Gwyn screamed again as it approached,

"Pull up!" She screamed, "We're going to crash!"

"Trust me," Azriel murmured in her ear, and she trembled at his voice, almost imperceptibly arching into him at that little reminder of last night. She buried her face in Azriel's neck again, not even opening them at the rush of wind as he flapped hard, mere feet from the ground just outside the city. He circled lazily upwards, cruising over the city, and Gwyn finally opened her eyes, and smiled,

"Can we do that again?" Azriel grinned,

"Going to keep your eyes open this time, Valkyrie?"

"Going to try and kill me again, Shadowsinger?"

"Never," he murmured, but gave no warning before folding his wings in again and plummeting towards the earth, holding Gwyn so that the wind rippled against her own newly formed wings. The look of wonder on her face as she felt the wind was unrivaled in beauty, and Azriel clutched her hands, "Do you trust me?"

"Always," she hesitated only a heartbeat before taking his hands and turning onto her belly, holding Azriel's hands in front of her,

"Wings out," she did as he said, and he did so at the same time, the wind slowing as it caught their wings. Azriel angled towards an updraft, and Gwyn laughed with joy as she was pushed up in the air, with her wings automatically catching the breeze. She whooped again, and let Azriel guide her through Velaris' winds and currents, leaving them both wind-chilled but laughing uncontrollably when he pulled her into his chest and dove through their bedroom window. "Nest step, flying on your own." He whispered, and Gwyn shook her head disbelievingly,

"That's a big step."

"Need me to hold your hand?" Azriel teased, and Gwyn's competitive gleam reappeared in her eyes,

"I'll be flying better than you in no time." She declared, sweeping off to the bathroom before he could respond. He chuckled to himself, still staring after the female who had made him open his heart to the world, who had seen the shadows and the person he sometimes had to be and had decided to love all of him, flaws and all. It made his heart ache with love, greater than he'd ever felt, he didn't need a mating bond, he didn't need what Rhys and Cassian had, he just needed her. He just needed Gwyn.

#fanfiction #fanfic #azriel x gwyn #Azriel #Azwyn #Gwyn #gwynriel #Gwyn acosf #gwyneth berdara #acotar #acosf #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames

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spoppersonality · 3 years

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SPOP Character Typing: Catra

ESFP, 6w7, 684, sx/sp

I originally mistyped Catra as an ESTP, even though I didn’t want to be one of the people who think every ESFP who isn’t a core 7 is an ESTP. It’s also funny because I got an ask about this just after I had been thinking about it for a couple of days, and I guess that’s what made me really make up my mind about it. I know that fictional characters are sometimes not completely consistent, but now I do feel like ESFP is a better fit for Catra. I suppose my mistype came from looking at things too generally, because I know a lot of xSTP people who’ve had similar struggles at school as Catra does in the Horde. What I said about her being an easy one to type by stereotype alone still stands: Se-dominant characters are the most likely to be cat-coded. Extroverted sensing is the function we tend to associate with cat-like grace of movement and somewhat feral nature. Not always true of course, but there is a pattern in real life. I also said that Catra is an interesting case for me because I thought she has an identical personality profile to someone I know very closely, but also wildly different life circumstances. Well, that person is an actual ESTP, and I shouldn’t have ignored the feeling that they were too different to have an identical typing. I usually tell people that if it feels like a type doesn’t quite fit, you should listen to that feeling. I’m taking my own advice now.

Catra is also interesting because, much like with Adora, her MBTI and enneagram core almost contradict each other in some ways, Se-dominant types being very spontaneous and Enneagram 6 being very cautious.

MBTI: ESFP

Catra lives first and foremost through her senses. She wants to see things, taste things, touch things, and blow things up. Part of the reason she pulled the lever was to see what would happen, like Noelle said. She’s an Se-dominant, so she is in a way, in a more direct relationship with reality that most other types. And by reality, I mean the world we can access through our senses in its “purest” form, the kind of world that is just the experience, where nothing has yet been abstracted from it and nothing has been coloured with values yet. Catra is very street-smart and able to use almost any kind of environment to her advantage, and I originally though about this in terms of Se-Ti because I always associated this type of intelligence with xSTPs the most. However, it does make sense for an ESFP to go about things like she does, because they are in a way, even more instictive than xSTPs because they analyse less. Her attention is in “what is right now” rather than what should or could be in the past or the future. All Se-doms are in a way more instictive than other types in a physical sense. (Not to be confused with enneagram gut-types.) “Hungry -> eat”, “Tired -> sleep”, “Glittery item -> possess it”, “Neat cliff -> jump it” is a caricature of how they operate, being driven by sensory impulses.

ESFPs are also often at risk to be alienated by a school system, not just ESTPs. School systems tend to be mostly created by and for Si-dominant and auxiliary types (because they are the most common types) and this can be seen in Catra to the extreme. Rules don’t make sense to her, because she’s more practical than the rules, in a lot of cases. I associated her problems with high Ti, because I’ve seen so many times how an ESTP underachiever cares nothing about school because their way of thinking is not appreciated, even though they have the intellect for the work, and once they find something that motivates them, such as, wanting to get into a particular school, they are able to get their grades up with a snap of fingers, basically. However, ESFPs are just as likely to be understimulated at school as xSTPs are. And now that I think about it, I don’t really see Ti in Catra, because she’s not really interested in the logic or the “art” of combat itself, she just wants to get things done, which is more of a Te thing. It’s not very graceful because it’s her tertiary function, although she makes pretty much the most of it during the show. She needs freedom to make the most out of her talents, which is true of all Se-doms, and that’s part of the reason why climbing the ranks in the Horde is so appealing to her once she finally gets the chance. Catra is more capable and talented than her peers in a lot of things, and yet she’s the least valued in the beginning of the show. Now that I think about it more closely, she does seem to react to it in a more ESFP than ESTP way.

While I thought all this was well characterized by the combination of being Se-dominant and Ti-auxiliary in a world of arbitrary rules and made up traditions, I was generalizing too much. Catra is not detached enough to be a Ti-auxiliary, and she’s not analytical enough. Her disregard for people’s feelings doesn’t come from the xSTP way of being able to ignore their humanity, it comes from Fi passion. She’s not detached at all. She’s so hurt that it would be more fitting to say she’s commiting crimes of passion. She’s not doing all the damage in the show because she’s detached from her feelings, she’s doing it all because she’s consumed by them. She’s obsessed with Adora in a way that is characteristic of a high Fi user. I associated the way Catra is bored in the Horde with ESTPs but that’s not necessarily true, it’s a common experience for Se-doms in general. I thought Catra’s actions were not value-based enough, but they are. I just didn’t think of it that way, because I’m used to thinking of values as bigger than one person... but that’s not necessarily true. All that matters to Catra is basically Adora, and she’s willing to sacrifice anything for their relationship, and when she’s betrayed, she’s still all about Adora. I thought she was a rebel without a cause, like an ESTP would be, but actually she has a cause. It’s just that her cause is basically one person. It’s very personal and self-centered in a way, she just wants to have the relationship that is the most important to her. I suppose as an Ni-dom I tend to understand value decisions in a larger context, but that’s not true to someone whose attention is not in “understanding the world” anyway. I actually understood this through writing about another character who is an ESFP, and I don’t know how I didn’t see their similarities before. However, what I said about Catra and Adora not understandin each other because following the rules in rewarding to Adora in itself, and not for Catra, is still true. I was just generalizing too much again.

Catra’s primary mode is not to live according to a plan, but she can easily generate a step by step strategy when the situation calls for it. And the way she does it, is indeed more Te than Ti, because it’s indeed more strategy, and Ti is more tactic. This is where her power as a military leader is coming from. She’s very adaptable to new situations, but she also knows when you can’t just “wing it” and she’s able to see the path from A to B in a more situational way than a Te-Si would and more practically than Te-Ni type would, because she’s not actually seeing a path from A to B. She’s seeing a path from a specific rock to a specific tree, to put it very simply.

I wrote about how ESTPs tend to be very charismatic, but in a less controlled, more childlike manner, than Fe-doms or auxiliaries are, and I think this was the part of my typing that struck me as a bit off the most. I found myself kind of struggling to come up with explanations of how Fe is Catra’s third function. I was mostly thinking of basically ruling Crimson Waste, but now that I think about it again, she’s more Te than Fe in that too. Popularity is a tool for her more than it is something inherently rewarding. And I mean, it’s not like people are somehow less drawn to ESFPs. When all is swell, people like Catra, because she has an easy-going and sociable manner. (And Fe-users don’t have a monopoly on that or something.) However, she lacks nuance and tact. But I don’t think this is because she’s a low feeler. It’s because she’s over-identifying with her Te. Trying to be tough because she’s been hurt so much. She has been manipulated through her feelings a lot by Shadow Weaver and she’s basically learned that being soft and trusting in a weakness. And while it’s true that some high Fe-users read her like an open book it’s not necessarily because she’s even trying to play their game. Sure, every type can be manipulative, it’s not an Fe thing and Catra is certainly manipulative herself but feelings are not a tool for her. I basically did what I criticized people of doing with Adora. I mistook Te for Fe.

What Catra lacks most in her life is direction and meaning. Her inferior function is Ni. She mostly goes with the flow, and it’s easier for her to disregard things like large scale morality, than it is for many other types. At her worst she simply seems to go after what gets her the highest high, the biggest adventure, the most powerful position or the most wealth, with little regard to how it might affect anyone else. But like I already said, Catra doesn’t do it because people are not on her radar. It’s because she cared too much and it got her nowhere. Se-doms often do go about life picking the next interesting thing they can do, and after they’ve done it, they’re like: “Okay. That was that. What’s next?”, so that is Catra’s primary mode too, when she’s detached from her inferior function. They don’t have a long term plan for their life, and often end up acquiring a ton of skills but they have no “core idea” or goal they could direct all those skills towards, and they wander aimlessly through life.

When Se-doms are really unhealthy, it may look like they have a goal (Catra wanting to win so badly she almost destroyed the world because of it) but in reality, it’s a hollow one. It doesn’t really have any meaning, beyond their fixation on it. It’s a caricature of what a driven introverted intuition dominant would be: Shadow Weaver, as terrible as she is, has an intricate, overarching vision and everything she does contributes to it, and she sees miles farther that most other people, all different branches of her plan coming together at the end (whether she’s really able to make it happen or not) while Catra is, for the most part, just reacting to everything that is thrown at her.

It’s very satisfying that a “promise” is brought to such a central place in Catra’s development at the end of the show, because it implies that she has begun to see beyond the moment, both to the past and to the future in a new way. It implies that she’s beginning to see an abstract reality, where a promise of the past can be fulfilled in the future even though she clearly thought that a promise once broken, could not be fulfilled. She didn’t see beyond the moment. But in the end, she does. Integrating Ni, essentially means to see a story. That everything that has happened to her, is not simply meaningless occurrences and also not just logical truths that follow the laws of cause and effect. It’s to see that the truth is different depending on where you’re standing. It’s to see that the same tree viewed from different sides by different people might as well be a completely different tree, and yet it’s still all the same. It’s to see that your reality is not the only reality, and that there is meaning to everyone’s subjective experience. And that’s what Catra needed to learn, in order to be able to live a life where she and Adora betrayed each other but despite that, can work on understanding each other and have a future.

Enneagram

Core type: 6

Catra is cautious, suspicious, sceptical, and other people’s support and trust in her are primary needs for her. This is why she is interesting as an Se-dom. She needs freedom but not too much freedom. She hates rules but she wants them too. She has a heightened need for relationships where she is trusted and given responsibility, but she does not want to be left alone with that responsibility. She needs someone she can trust, to stand behind her to catch her if she falls, and when she doesn’t have that, she becomes angry and paranoid. On the other hand, she doesn’t want anyone butting in with her business because that’s a sign that she isn’t trusted to be capable of handling things. You have to be a very sensitive person to understand what is too much and what is too little support for them. Adora doesn’t understand what the boundaries are, while Shadow Weaver understands, and abuses them with purpose.

Trust and trust-issues tend to characterize the life of an average 6, and Catra has rather extreme circumstances, so her presentation of this is also rather extreme. She is sceptical and defensive to the extreme, qualities which most 6s would share. 6 is also possibly the most cat-coded enneagram type, which I find funny as well, especially because I had a cat who was clearly an enneagram 6. (I know animal-typing is controversial but roll with it.) My interaction with that cat was always like this: I try to pet him, and he acts like: “Go away, I hate you”. Then I go away, and he acts like: “Where are you going?????”. Then he follows me to the mailbox, which is 600 meters away from the house. If anything is 6 behaviour, it’s that. It’s funny because it describes Catra pretty well, too. They can fluctuate between the angriest and the cutest person alive.

Especially counterphobic 6s. Every 6 probably fluctuates between phobic: more “deer in the headlights” type of 6, and counterphobic: more “a bear just woken up from hibernation” type, to some degree, but a lot of people lean more towards one than the other. Catra is definitely counterphobic most of the time. Instead of avoiding conflict with Adora, she seeks it out. And I think the funniest example is when they go to Krytis and Catra is visibly the most scared, but her first reaction is still to jump attack Melog, instead of running away. Of course, sometimes she behaves in a more phobic manner, but this seems to be her default setting.

Being enneagram 6 likely contributes to Catra’s struggle in the Horde, as especially counterphobic 6s are known to be “rebels without a cause”. That kind of matches with some ESTP qualities, so that’s probably one of the reasons I mistyped her as well. On top of being in a learning environment that doesn’t meet her needs, Catra is also in an environment that doesn’t meet her emotional needs. 6s need to believe, to have trust in something, be it a person, a family, a friend group, a belief system, or an organization. Of course, Adora is the only one who fulfills some of these needs for Catra in the beginning of the show, and when you’re the only one a 6 can trust, you’re literally everything for them, and that’s why the betrayal of that trust means losing everything, for them.

6 disintegrates to 3, so in times of stress, Catra becomes more self-sufficient and competitive (in a negative way). Really, a big part of the show is just Catra’s disintegration story. She’s not that well off in the beginning either, but we get to watch her descend to lower and lower health levels for the majority of the show. 6s integrate to 9, so at her best, Catra becomes cooperative, trusting, altruistic and rather than fluctuating with being too independent and too co-depended, she is able to create symbiotic relationships with others.

Wing: 7

7 enhances many qualities of extroverted sensing. 7-wing makes Catra playful, energetic, fun-loving and a bit of a dare-devil. It also enhances her curiosity. Much like to extroverted sensing, to 7, variety is a plus. 7s fear being deprived of things they need to feel fulfilled, so as a wing it informs the 6’s decisions. Catra may not have it so well in the Horde, but at least she has a roof over her head and even Shadow Weaver is probably not going to kill her. That may seem like a low bar, but she has grown up with this. What reason would she have to expect that things would be better somewhere else? 7-wing, with a 6s tendency to fear the worst, makes Catra very unlikely to let go of any material comfort she has. Yes, she wants out, but she doesn’t want to just leave with nothing, so she’s eagerly waiting to have a real job in the outside world. She wants to see the unknown, but she’d rather face it inside a tank, than by going rogue and living in the woods by herself.

Gut fix: 8

Fuels Catra’s aggressive side even more. 8s fear being controlled and harmed my others, and oh my, how Shadow Weaver has methodically magnified this fear in Catra as well. 8s deal with this mostly by being overtly aggressive, and they operate with “attack is the best defence” type of attitude. That’s why having an 8-fix, probably makes a 6 more likely to act in a counterphobic manner. If you control everything, then no one can control you, and that’s something Catra seems to attempt. So, when Catra can’t trust anyone around her, or can’t trust the system to work for her, and her safety or resources are under a threat, she tends to attack fast and aggressively.

Heart fix: 4

There seems to be a bit of the 4-ish sense of being fundamentally different from others in a defective way, in the way Catra acts. 4s believe that their feelings are too unique and complex for anyone to understand, and they don’t even want anyone to understand, because their identity is depended on the sense of being different. It’s not very pronounced in Catra, but it shows up every now and then in the form of angst. Catra clearly gets something from wallowing in her negative feelings, as opposed to disregarding them, which is what Adora does, for example. Having a 4-fix makes Catra even more vulnerable in the emotion department, because her enneagram core and gut-fix already make her more unwilling to deal with her emotions, and then on top of that the 4-fix makes it easier for her to wallow in her insecurities than address them.

Instinctual Variant: sx/sp

Sexual instinct is Catra’s primary instinct. She’s all about the other. The connection. Which to her, is mostly Adora, of course. But it goes deeper than that. It’s a desire to lose yourself into another, usually a person. In Catra, it comes out as feral energy in a fight. It comes out in the intensity and depth of her despair when she loses a personal connection she cared about. In other words, Catra is very passionate in an almost primal sort of way. Catra’s feelings are very intense, and that’s why in her eyes the only reason Adora would be able to leave her so “easily” could be that she doesn’t love her as much.

Self-preservation instinct is Catra’s second one. She’s not a princess who can feel a pea under a hundred mattresses, but she’s not the philosopher living in a barrel either. She sometimes whines about physical conditions being less than ideal, such as being cold, or being on ship, even though she can quite easily disregard those kinds of things when the situation calls for it. At her best, she’s also on the lookout for other people’s safety, and she’s aware of threats.

Social instinct is the one Catra lacks. Being in a group is not inherently meaningful or desirable to her. Having smooth relationships with others is not really a concern to her. Whether or not other people like her, is only meaningful to her once she herself likes the person in question. For Adora, this is the primary instinct, and Catra doesn’t understand it, which is part of the reason it’s so hard for her to accept the ways Adora acts. Of course, Catra develops this instinct to a degree by the end, in tandem with her need to find trust. It’s the Best Friends Squad, and to some extend the princesses, she is able to make meaningful relationships with. Although most of what drives Catra’s actions, is still about Adora, there are also instances when she acts on behalf of more than herself and Adora, when she sees some value in trying to “save the world”.

That’s it for today, I believe. Hope it doesn’t take as long for me to get back to these posts, as it did this time. ^^’

#catra #type 6 #spop mbti #spop enneagram #esfp

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years

Text

❛ CHANGES ❜

with Marcus Alvarez.

Request: Maybe for a Marcus fic it could be his wife dealing with the transition from Mayans to the cartel and becoming friends with Emily and having play dates with their kids and Marcus is just proud of her for taking it so well. Thank you ❣️❣️❣️

BY ANON

Warnings: none.

Word count: exactly 1.2k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author.

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Having a sip from the glass of red wine, you keep your gaze in the middle of nowhere. You can't stop thinking about your husband taking off his kutte and giving it to Obispo. The club is his life, but the problem in his knees won the battle. He has been very irritated since the doctor told him that he couldn't ride for too many hours as he used to. So, taking the advantage that he has gone to the clubhouse, you left your son with your sister, waiting to have a moment alone. Together.

You have been his anchor since you met him, when you were a mere mechanic who changed the tire of his bike, in a secondary road to Oaktown. Now, and since six years, you live in the surroundings of Santo Padre where the main charter is installed. Practically jumping off from the couch and leaving the glass of wine over the auxiliary table, you walk barefoot to the hall. Marcus is there, placing his black bag over the floor after closing the door. He looks devastated and unhappy, as you have never seen him before. And that, breaks your heart into a thousand pieces. Biting your bottom lip, you lead your steps close to him, raising your right hand to his chest. Caressing it slowly and shortening the distance between both, you hold him between your arms. Just a second after, he starts to cry inconsolable, clinged to your body.

You don't even know what to say, preferring to keep silent, slightly touching the back of his head with your fingertips and leaving some kisses on his temple. Having a deep breath, you cup his cheek in your hands, cleaning his tears and leaning on your tiptoes to reach his lips. A dearly kiss that looks like it calms him a little.

“I will always be by your side, amor mío”. You mutter, showing him that soft smile which he fell in love with many years ago. “And yes, I know that Mayans it's your life, but when one door closes, another one opens. Just… think about the good things that have that new opportunity. You used to complain about not sleeping, about missing my food, about missing your family…”

Maybe these aren't the best words, but you're trying hard to make him feel better.

“At least… I will see you often and… I will spend more time with Marcos”.

“Yeah, we miss our papi”. You nod pursing lips. “And tonight… I'm gonna spoil you. 'Caaause, our overactive son is having a fun night with his auntie, and I prepared you lasagna with five… not four, but five cheese and two bottles of red wine are getting cold in the fridge. And after dinner, we can have a relaxing bath, enjoying the silence of our home”.

“Thank you”. He just whispers, a little bit calmed.

“For taking care of you?”

“For supporting me like you do every single day, bad or good, no matter why”.

“Yeah, I've already earned a place in Heaven”. You chuckle kissing him again.

“Te amo con todo mi corazón”. (I love you with all my heart).

“So do I, papi”.

Stepping out of the black SUV, you have a quick look of the huge mansion in front of you. And you're sure that you have never seen a house so big, clean and good decorated. Closing the door of the car, you walk towards the backseat, to help your three years old to go down. Your husband is looking at you, with that kind of gesture that lets you know how much he is in love with you. Feeling proud of any single thing you do for him, just like now. Making the effort to meet Miguel and Emily, knowing that even if they're not to your liking, you will not complain. But he's aware that Galindo's wife and you will be good friends, being actually so similar because of your intelligence and your maternal instinct. Even if you're braver than her, because of life circumstances.

“Ready, pap—mi amor?” You say lifting up your son between your arms, coming closer to Marcus. “You look pretty good on a suit”.

“Do I?” He laughs, knowing what it means watching you leading your steps to the main door.

“Maybe I will need some advice later”. You whisper, after covering Marcos' ears for a second, making your husband chuckle somewhat relaxed.

Before the mexican can ring the doorbell, his new boss, and old friend, is already opening it to hold him in a gentle hug.

“Marcus, amigo. Mi padre estaría orgulloso de esta nueva alianza”. (Marcus, my friend. My father would be proud of this new alliance).

“Lo sé, Miguel”. (I know, Miguel). He says with a sincere smile on his lips, before turning at you, to place a hand on your lower back over the skirt of your black silk dress. “Mi hermosa e increíble esposa, (Y/N), y mi amado hijo, Marcos”. (My beautiful and amazing wife, and my lovely son).

“Es un placer conoceros al fin”. (It's a pleasure finally meeting you two). The younger man is directed to you, taking your free hand to kiss the back of it. “Come in. Come in, please”.

Even if you're the most curious woman in the world, you're trying to not look like that, keeping your gaze on close things and not traveling it around your position.

“Marcus!” A high-pitched voice from a blonde woman coming, pushes you out from your thoughts, guessing she must be Miguel's wife.

Watching Emily hug your man so dearly, makes you know that you will really be friends. She looks like a family person, just like you. One of those who enjoy a peaceful Sunday lying on the sofa with her husband and her son, maybe watching some TV show. But you're not really sure if Miguel is into this kind of plan. You're lucky that your husband is.

“Hi!” She says to you then. “Look at you, boy! You should be Marcos, right?”

Your son hides ashamed his face into your neck, making you all laugh softly, leaving a kiss on his head.

“Sorry, sometimes he's… like that”. You say, caressing his back as he clings his hands on your nape. “Marcos, say ‘hi’ to Emily”.

He just smiles with his wrinkled nose, closing his eyes.

“I'm (Y/N)”. You say then, offering her your right hand, waiting to be shaked in a formal salute. Even if it's not your style. But the woman shakes her head laughing, before hugging you. “Ah, sorry… I'm not used to…”

“It's okay”. She says, so kind that you already like her. “Do you want some coffee? We have peach juice for Marcos, if he wants too”.

“Eh, baby, you heard that? Your favorite”. You say, seeing him raises up his head nodding.

“Good, we have some… things to talk about them”. Your husband adds then, palming Miguel's back, before leaning towards you to kiss your forehead and his son's.

“Yeah, enjoy your business”. You tease him, pocking his nose. “We're gonna do funnier things”.

“I'm pretty sure about that”. Emily laughs, knowing what you are talking about.

✨ Tag list:

@starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @dazzledamazon @mara-mpou @sammskellington @gemini0410 @1-800-imagines @briana-mishell24 @sassymox @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart @mycupoffanfiction @claytoncardenasbabymama @thesandbeneathmytoes @phoenixhalliwell @thewarriorprincessxo @sugary-x-sweet @multiyfandomgirl40 @imanerdychubbyqueen @iambabyharry @firebenderwolf @itsanofrommesir @noz4a2 @peaches007 @edonaspanca @irenne-stans @skyofficialxx @that-chick212

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #marcus alvarez imagine #marcus alvarez x reader #marcus alvarez

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mbti-notes · 3 years

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hi i’m an istj. i fear the problem im going to describe is resolved by being more Te proactive and taking on more leader responsibilities and failing. just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable. anyway i get involved with groups that align with my values to get things done but it always feels like i somehow join things that aren’t as efficient as i’d want them to be or stagnate. at the same time that i have strong opinions about what to do i resent having to take on more responsibility to enact it. i want to be part of an established, moral, process/group but it seems like everything is in flux all the time. just making sure: is this Te-Ne dysfunction ?

Your question is about type development. An important aspect of type development is understanding the weaknesses and flaws of your type, in terms of the ways that your type tends to misuse functions. You seem to believe that your problem boils down to a simple lack of desire to lead in group situations (weak Te?), but it probably goes far deeper than that.

Si-Ne problems often manifest as a general aversion to change, specifically, unwillingness to change how one looks at a situation, which would then significantly alter one's approach to it. Imbalance between Si and Ne becomes a very unhealthy stubbornness when one is also prone to Si-Fi loop that thinks in terms of pure absolutes. In essence, you believe what you believe and you want what you want, and nothing and nobody can break through that mental wall. Perhaps not even you.

Auxiliary development is meant to help with Si extremes and Si-Fi loop stubbornness by making you care more about empirical facts (Te) than your frustration (Fi). It isn't always easy to develop the auxiliary function when you come to believe that it interferes with what makes Si feel most comfortable (e.g. "just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable"). If using the auxiliary function feels so "tiring", it doesn't mean that you should avoid using it. Quite the contrary. It's an indication that you haven't yet learned to use it properly, which means further development is necessary.

Te wants efficiency, that much is true. However, what separates immature Te from mature Te is how exactly one conceptualizes "efficiency". When Te is immature, one has a very rudimentary understanding of how to be efficient. For example, one is likely to believe that efficiency is achieved through assertiveness or even brute force, i.e., "making" things happen despite all the obstacles in the way. Is it any wonder that using Te feels tiring, then? You're essentially forcing yourself to swim against the current. Si doms are painfully aware that their energy is finite, so they quickly run out of steam.

However, Te isn't really about mustering up energy. This is not what makes TJs smart, strong, and formidable. Mature Te conceptualizes efficiency as reducing the amount of energy required whenever possible, which is why they have a lot of energy to take on very heavy workloads - some people call it "working smart". This is done through facing the empirical facts of a situation head on and learning to work closely with them, which makes it far easier to make them work in your favor.

Your problem requires a two pronged attack:

Are you able to change how you look at situations in order to improve your approach (to address Si-Ne imbalance)?

Are you able to face the empirical facts of the situation and work with them rather than against them (to develop better use of Te)?

Wanting to be part of a process/group that aligns with your values in order to enact some good in the world is an admirable thing to strive for. Presumably, the other people involved in the group have the same sense of mission, otherwise, they wouldn't have joined. However, what you fail to take into account is that people aren't generally single-minded.

Human beings are complex because they are motivated by a multitude of factors, whether they realize it or not. They are full of psychological conflicts, contradictory desires, irrational impulses, old baggage, and unconscious bad habits. And when you bring people together, all that stuff comes out and creates complicated entanglements. A "group" only becomes a "team" when it is able to overcome those psychological obstacles together, and it can be a very long process of learning how to maximize strengths and mitigate weaknesses in every individual member. That's why a lot of groups simply fall apart. While your intention to join the group seems simple and straightforward (because Si-Te is admirable in its ability to keep things simple and straightforward), other people's intentions might not be so simple. If you fail to take into account the irrational aspects of human nature, you will cause yourself needless suffering.

Your frustration with people is likely a manifestation of your unrealistic expectations of them. Perhaps you aren't able to understand people who don't resemble you, let alone work with them. And you will certainly be doomed to fail if the only way Te knows to deal with individual differences is to force everyone to become more like you. That's an impossible task, not because it requires the energy of a thousand suns as you assume, but because you're choosing to fight against reality. Mature Te would advise that you should first face down the empirical facts of how people operate if you hope to discover the most effective way to influence them. Your repeated experience of feeling disenchanted with groups tells you that you're missing an important piece of knowledge about groups and how they operate.

I'll give you a very simple example from my own life. I used to gather with a group of 30-50 people once a week to conduct planned discussions. The discussions never really started on time despite everyone being in their seats because people weren't focused enough at the start of the session. There was often whispering and sidetalking and such that would go on for about half an hour before the room felt settled and focused.

One method of addressing the problem arose organically. Whoever was the main speaker simply started shushing people and it became a thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate to calling people out, like a teacher scolding a student in a classroom. This definitely made the social atmosphere less inviting and more tense. Sure, people would shut up after being called out, but they became less focused due to seething with resentment. Power struggles aren't great for group morale, especially if it's supposed to be a group of equals coming together for a common cause.

It all sounds quite childish, but these kinds of judgments are useless. You can call people childish, inefficient, incompetent, etc etc, but it doesn't solve the problem. And, worse, being judgmental blocks you from understanding people better and working with them. Perhaps an ISTJ would see this as a "mess", an "inefficiency" that wastes time, and evidence of bad character when people break the rules.

However, if you change the way you look at the situation, you might not be so quick to make such judgments. Actually, it's kind of weird for a bunch of people who know each other well to enter a room and immediately sit down quietly. Humans have a natural tendency to socialize as a way to strengthen interpersonal bonds. Isn't group cohesiveness a good thing, since it encourages better cooperation? If you are able to see the benefits of their chatty behavior and how it contributes to group cohesiveness, then instead of fighting against it, you would think of ways to harness it.

The real problem wasn't inefficiency; inefficiency was merely the symptom. The more primary problem was that a lot of people joined the group not just to "get things done", but also to make friends. The structure of the event denied them from fulfilling that important need and then they were more likely to act out. This problem was discovered when people had a chance to talk about what was frustrating them, which meant that the group had to make space to conduct some uncomfortable conversations.

To address the problem, the group eventually decided that the first 15 minutes would be devoted to socializing and allowing people to catch up, with the explicit promise to get down to business when the time was up. Some people brought drinks, others brought snacks. Some even showed up early to have more time to socialize. It enlivened people and enriched their relationships. Being "officially" allowed to get the chattiness out of their system, they were better able to sit down and focus on the planned agenda. The meeting felt like fun rather than a chore. And if you're interested in a cause, don't you want to recruit more people to support it? Making things more fun is one good way to attract support. You can look at it as wasting 15 minutes OR you can look at it as a 15 minute investment.

Solutions to human problems require:

cognitive empathy: figuring out what's really going on inside people's heads (in Te terms it means working only with the empirical facts of the situation, rather than indulging negative Fi judgments)

strategy: taking the time to work with people and figuring out the best way to help them get over obstacles (in Te terms it means investing energy early and wisely to maximize your returns later, rather than putting effort into the wrong places or only stepping in to tackle mere symptoms of the problem)

creativity: harnessing natural human tendencies to produce something useful or worthwhile (in Te terms in means taking what's already there and transforming it into a NET positive, rather than getting too fixated on every little negative detail and losing sight of the bigger picture)

Te can be a great function for dealing with human problems as long as you overcome the immature aspects of it, such as impatience, bluntness, or inflexibility. Every person is unique, so every group is different. Let go of the idea that there is only one way to approach a problem/conflict and you will start to be more creative in your approach. By accepting the fact that things are always in flux and using empirical evidence to understand and predict how change works, TJs become much more effective and efficient at everything they do. When it comes to people, meeting someone different from you is an opportunity to learn how to deal with that kind of person. The more knowledge you have of human psychology under your belt, the better you get at dealing with people's weird or negative tendencies. If a strategy works, use it again. If it doesn't work, adjust it to fit their psychology better.

In your situation, you see the problem as people being inefficient, so your inclination is to step forward and do something to "make" them more efficient. Humans aren't built with the prime directive to be efficient. They're not machines. Their psychology is messy, so trying to force them to behave like a machine is to force them to go against their psychology. In other words, you're choosing the least efficient approach. The more efficient approach, though it requires more intelligent thinking on your part (you want to become more intelligent, right?), is to properly understand the more primary problem of what's really causing them to be so inefficient in the first place. That is the way to discover the right strategy. If you are able to target those obstacles at the very root, efficiency improves more naturally.

Oftentimes, working smart doesn't require you to step up and be THE leader for everyone. As an introvert, it's probably more comfortable for you to work behind the scenes to talk to people, get a better idea of what they need and/or what problems they're experiencing, and incrementally remove the obstacles that are preventing them from focusing on what they should be focused on. You can't fix everything all at once, so just do what you can to fix what you are able to fix at any given point in time. It's a process and some progress is better than no progress.

#istj #auxiliary te #fi loop #inferior ne #te #efficiency #problem solving #working smart #creativity #change #perspective #social skills #ask

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “The Dragon.”

This is it everyone, the moment you have all been waiting for!

If you are disappointing with how it turns out please read my explanation at the end, and I think you will understand why I did what I did. Come to the discord server, which I will be on all day, and talk to me cordially as well. I encourage you to do so.

https://discord.gg/6RTbtSq

He rubbed at his temples with the heel of his hands. Today had been a long and exhausting day. Looking down at his implant he could see that it wasn’t even five yet, and he blew out a big gust of air, which morphed itself into a long, drawn-out sigh.

He wasn’t tired because he was working harder.

Arguably he was actually doing less work now that he had delegated most of his old duties back to the crew, where they belonged.

No, today had been exhausting as he tried to control himself.

Finally, learning to let go and trust others to manage things was turning out to be harder for him than he had thought. He had never seen himself as someone who had a control problem; he liked doing dangerous out of control things too much for that, but it seemed as if he had found a way to be both types of person.

He trailed his fingers down the side of the hallway as he headed down towards engineering.

He needed a break.

He needed a friend, someone he could talk to.

Fewer duties had also meant that he had more time to think, and more time to think meant more time to brood on this last year and all the insanity that had come with it. It was almost hard to believe it had been a year and not an entire lifetime.

He reached out a hand grabbing onto the rungs of the ladder, sliding down in a way he thought pretty badass before turning into the dim interior. It had taken him weeks to memorize the engineering deck because, despite being engineers, these guys apparently had no sense of organization.

He cut past rooms and shelves and crates full of spare parts and took one last set of narrow stairs down into an auxiliary set of rooms.

From here, he could hear the clattering of metal and the sharp huff of a welding torch.

He stepped down the last set of steps and leaned against the entryway arms crossed over his chest.

He stayed quiet not wanting to disturb her while she was working.

Sunny sat at her work bench surrounded by tools and racks of weaponry.

Her face and eyes were covered by a large welding mask which cast the reflection of sparks back across the room and towards where he stood.

He smiled a little as he watched. Her hands moved with the quick lithe movements of a professional as she worked to bring her next piece of weaponry to life. Her feet were steady on the deck floor and every arm was held perfectly still as she worked. He couldn’t see her face, but from the lines of her body told the story of someone in deep focused concentration.

He continued to smile.

Jupiter, how he admired that in her.

He wasn’t good with building things, in fact he could barely put his mechanical pencil back together without an instruction manual.

Looking around at the walls and ceiling he was, once again, impressed at her talent. There was so much cool stuff here he wouldn’t know where to begin asking about it. Large blueprints and concept drawings lined the wall from top to bottom on one side glowing a dull blue under the dim overhead lights.

He turned his head back to watch her, the deft way in which she used the tools, the slow shift of her weight as she moved about the object, the cold calculated pauses in between.

Like watching someone blow glass or preform a dance.

He was so focused on watching that he barely noticed when the mask came off.

“How long have you been standing there?”

He nearly jumped out of his skin coming face to face with those sharp golden eyes.

Smiling, he rubbed the back of his neck, “Only a few minutes. I didn’t want to interrupt anything.”

She sat down at her bench turning the piece over and over in her hands as she decided what to do next, “Haven’t I told you that you have a free pass to interrupt me any time you like.”

“Just because you said I could doesn’t mean it’s polite.”

“I think we are past niceties.”

He snorted and stepped down into her little shop turning in a wide circle to stare up at the walls and the racks of weapons, “This is awesome! Don’t see why I don’t come down here more.”

“Generally you’re too busy micromanaging people.”

They both laughed.

“Fair enough.” He turned to look at her, “No music?”

She turned and motioned to the green headphones sitting behind her on the work bench, “Can’t wear them when I’m welding.”

“Oh, right.”

He stepped down the line of racked weapons delicately choosing a spear from the wall. It was one of Sunny’s shorter models, likely meant for herself, and almost too big for him to handle at all, still he spun it absently between his fingers. Feeling the weight as he snapped it up palm down, the shaft of the weapon running the length of his arm.

She watched him, “You like?”

“Good balance, a bit big on me though.” He set it back against the rack.

“Try this one.” She said, and he turned catching the spear from midair as she tossed it to him. The weight was familiar, the length was good, “Wanted to get you something better than that stick you were using back on Anin.”

“Hey that stick saved my life.” He pointed out stroking the pad of his thumb up the weapon, “You made this? For me?”

“Of course. Can’t have you using inferior weaponry.”

He looked down at the shaft of the spear, and the lovingly carved edges, the sharp point forged from Drev obsidian. The sharpest material in the known galaxy. The smile that caught his face could have broken it. You knew a Drev cared about you when they started giving you weapons. Hijan had taught him that.

She watched him as he tested the spear spinning it, jabbing with it, and all around being a jackass.

Once done, he set it base down on the ground, “Your best work yet.”

She lifted her head in that way Drev have when they are pleased before turning back to her work. He watched her for a while rolling the spear shaft between his thumb and pointer finger.

He turned towards the wall and sighed.

Sunny looked up, “Everything alright?”

He stood shoulders hunched, and she waited, “You ever think about the passage of time. About getting older?”

“Not really, why?”

He shrugged, “Guess I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”

“Don’t strain yourself.”

“A ha funny.” She snorted, but he kept going, “Guess I sort of just saw my life having gone a bit further by now?”

“What do you mean?”

He picked up another spear examining the tip, “Well, for one, I had sort of hoped I’d be better at dating by now.”

“You’re looking for someone: a battle partner?”

“At least thinking about looking.”

He turned to look at her, and she had set aside her project. Two of her elbows were resting against the table, and she leaned her chin against her hands. Her head was lightly cocked, “And what are you looking for in a battle partner?”

He shrugged and turned his head back to the wall where all of Sunny’s engineering projects hug. Guns and spears and tons of things he would never have been able to create in a million years, “Well for one I would like her to be smarter than me, preferably. I’ve always admired smart people.” Sunny nodded having moved from where she was sitting by the wall and instead standing by her work bench spinning a spear between her fingers, “Someone athletic who could totally kick my ass.” He rubbed the back of his head, “Someone who is going to put up with how much I suck sometimes, preferably pretty nerdy if she can manage, or might at least pretend. Someone Funny maybe. Someone cool with traveling the universe.”

Sunny watched him from the side of the room where she was now leaning back against her work bench.

“Someone who will have my back in either in an argument or a fight. I would like someone to watch movies with and who listens to similar music. Someone who isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m being a moron and call me out on my shit. Someone who understand, and won’t judge my past or have a problem with it. Someone where we can both work on each other’s problems together.”

He turned in a short circle staring up at the ceiling. “I want …. I don’t know.”

Sunny tapped her fingers against the work bench her head lowered. The brow was raised over one of her golden eyes, “So you want what we have.”

The room went dead quiet as he stared at her, and she calmly stared back.

He stammered for a second, “I mean yes, but…. no”

Sunny had her head tilted at him still staring. His heart hammered against his rib cage. Blood rushed to his face. What the fuck was he saying?

“Come on, Adam-”

“Well I...” He paused and quickly glanced down at his implant, “Aw shit, I have to get back to work, my break is over.” He turned on his heel.

“Adam.”

He waled up the stairs.

“Adam!”

A thin line of sweat trickled down his back as he made it into the hallway and jogged down the length of the engineering bay climbing the ladder to the next light.

He wiped sweat from his forehead as he walked down the hallway and towards the docking bay.

His crew greeted him as he passed, and he gave them all weak smiles as he made his way into the next room. He could see scientists preparing to send a camera down towards the black hole. It would break soon enough, but it couldn’t hurt to see how close they could actually get.

He walked past them and towards the hanger where a line of jets were docked. He headed towards the end where the F-90 darkfire sat waiting. He shooed off the crew.

This is something he could handle by himself.

He walked up to the jet placing a hand on the side. His jet.

He glanced over his shoulder and quickly walked back behind the landing gear.

He rested his head against the cold mental

Just a few seconds and something else to think about, and he would be ok. He looked the jet over from top to bottom trying to occupy his mind with a menial task, so he wouldn't have to think but the thinking just got worse.

Thoughts that he had kept shoved into the back of his mind for a long time came bubbling to the surface.

And he realized.

He HAD been describing their relationship.

He had described Sunny to her face.

Internally he was groaning.

But how could he argue, she was the perfect girl, everything about her was perfect aside from.

From

From the fact she wasn’t human?

That was when another part of his brain joined the horrible conversation, the one that was making his chest tighten and his throat constrict, and his hands shake.

What was wrong with her not being human?

Why did that matter?

Because

Because why?

Around him the docking bay had mostly emptied, leaving him alone with the jet and his own horrific thoughts. He slammed his head against the side of the jet with a dull thud. Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking.

Give one good reason?

Shut up

HE stepped back from the jet finding he had nothing else to do.

Stop thinking.

He turned towards the cargo bay door, and stepped back in shock.

Sunny glowered at him marching up the length of the docking bay two spears held at her sides.

He stepped back as she marched forward her golden eyes boring into him like an automated targeting system. She walked like the terminator had taken her over and was intent on ripping him in half.

He stepped back bumping into the jet, stuck in place.

She stopped before him, “I call bullshit.”

“You.”

“No shut up, I call bullshit, and I can prove why.” She lifted her hand and tossed the spear onto the floor where it rolled and bumped into the toes of his boots. He looked down.

She stepped back whipping her spear around legs bent holding the point down and back behind her, “Pick up the spear Adam.”

“Sunny I.”

“Shut up and pick up the spear.”

He reached down fingers wrapping around the cold metal standing and holding the spear loose in one hand like he had been taught.

She crouched lower, “Now fight me.”

“What.”

“You heard me.”

His heart pounded eyes widening, “Sunny, you arent-”

“No dumbass that's Unarmed combat.”

He felt heat rise to his face, “Oh, right.” He spun the spear and began to circle. What other choice did he have?

“She charged forward, and he ducked spinning past the leaf blade of her spear. She spun back and he dodged out of the way spinning sideways into anther low crouch, “I’m sick and tired of dancing around, Adam. I have to know.”

“Have to know what?”

“Stop playing dumb I know you’re not an idiot.” He dodged back swaying out of reach of her next attack before darting in. She cut out of the way., “You have what you want, you have me, so what’s the problem?”

He ducked under a blow and caught her second on the shaft of his spear grunting with the force as he slid back across the metal floor. The steel of spear on spear rang through the cargo bay, “I….”

“Is it because I’m not human?”

He backed up.

Panting he skipped to the side, “You know I support the LFIL, but I’m not attracted to aliens.”

He yelped in shock and pain as the spear came in contact with his shins knocking him off his feet and onto the floor. He rolled to the side as the spear slammed into the ground, and he went rolling to the side leaping to his feet not so far off.

“Name the last HUMAN.” You were attracted to

He opened his mouth to speak but found nothing…. He racked his brain, but no. he stammered.

“Exactly,”

He stepped back spear clattering in sharp ringing sounds as they danced back and forth over the ground. A sort of rhythm formed, and neither of them seemed to be gaining the upper hand.

“We’ve been going like this for months now Adam, and I’m sick and tired of trying to figure it out.”

He gritted his teeth batting away her spear once and then twice.

“I don’t know! I…”

He felt the frustration spilling out of him, an emotion he had been holding onto for a while now.

“Just tell me! So I don’t have to spend so much time worrying!”

“I can’t!” He spat in frustration their blows growing harder and harder and louder and louder. He spun the spear and cracked her across one hip. She staggered sideways but immediately caught him after that

“Why not!”

“Because I don’t know!”

“Well what do you feel.”

His heart was hammering with both nerves and the fight. He lept backwards taking the higher ground as he stood on a group of crates jumping over her spear as she swiped at his feet.

His face was red, “I wish you would stop being so goddamn perfect!”

He was surprised, she was surprised, but she held him off, “Why.”

“Because it makes my life so damn complicated I….” he snarled and leaped from the boxes. She had to cut to the side as he sailed past her landing on the floor and skidding backwards, “I care about you.” He growled

“Than how is that complicated.”

“Because...” His heart was hammering, his throat had constricted. They shared lightning fast attacks neither able to get anywhere until the point where they were standing in the middle of the room both unable to move locked together by the shaft of their spears

“Look at us.” She said, her voice soft, “I know you moves better than you know them, and you know mine. We are perfectly matched, so please before I get any further, you have to tell me.”

Blood roared in his ears his chest was tight, his throat constricted. The tips of his fingers tingled. Adrenaline was laying siege to his insides making his vision go black around the edges. He could barely breathe.

His arms trembled against the weight. Their eyes were locked.

“I.”

She waited.

“I….” His ears echoed, “I feel the same way.”

And then he couldn't anymore he pulled away from her and threw the spear to the ground. With a clatter it went rolling across the deck as he turned away clutching his head in frustration and…. Fear?”

“Are you ok?”

He was definitely not ok.

“So what now. What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“What can we do?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t understand, why won’t you do anything.”

“BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HOW!”

He turned body slicked with sweat and began climbing the ladder towards the cockpit of the darkfire.

“Adam where are you going!”

“To clear my head!”

He slammed his fist against the side canopy release and clambered inside.

“Adam wait!”

He didn’t, pulling on the helmet and locking the oxygen mask over his face. He flipped up his eyepatch and locked the visor down over his face as the canopy closed. He ordered a detachment from the deck and the plane lurched as red lights began to blink in the docking bay. The jet was routed through a system of rails on the floor and out towards the airlock.

The door shut behind him and the bay was depressurized.

Everything went silent except for the cacophony in his head, and as the doors opened he burst from the airlock slammed back against his seat as he went roaring into space. He turned the plane left as, outside his right window, he could see the roiling mass of the black hole and its glowing white event accretion disk. The side of the ship was lit with its bright white light, and he turned traveling away from the supermassive black hole.

Inside the mask his breathing was heavy.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” he screamed silent inside the cockpit.

He was an idiot!

He couldn't go a single fucking week without doing something stupid. Getting in the cockpit of n F-90 without a flight suit, without a space suit, and all while upset. Mother fucker why was he so dumb! Why was he such a raging child.

He slowed the jet a bit coasting through the darkness to feel the distant vibration of the engines.

They had crested the side of a large gaseous nebula, and he leaned back in his seat. He needed to calm down and the jet was helping some. He just had to go slow, and yes were his actions poorly thought out, definitely, but they hadn’t put anyone in danger but himself.

He was still human and prone to freaking out, and it’s not like he wasn’t entitled to that.

He took a deep breath.

It was how he was going to deal with it from this point on that would prove whether he learned anything over the past month.

He took another deep breath and slowly turned the jet in a wide circle.

First thing was first.

He needed to admit to himself what had just happened….

And what was that exactly?

Easy.

….

He was…. In love with his best friend, and he didn’t know how to face it, or deal with it, and he could barely acknowledge it.

Things were going to change and that scared him.

Breathe, nice and easy.

He didn’t want to go back and face her, or anyone, and maybe once upon a time he wouldn't have, but he was, at the end of the day, the commander, and he needed to command, if not the ship than at least himself.

He wasn’t going to keep dong this, and that meant returning to the ship right now.

Something moved out of the corner of his eye.

He slowed the jet. Turning his head to look out the canopy. The nebulae to the side of him shifted and billowed.

That was… very strange. This was space, things didn’t move unless something…. Moved them, and since there were no wind currents.

He was about prepared to go in after it when he stopped himself. No, not this time. This time he would do it the right way.

He engaged his comm, “Harbinger this is Alpha 1 do you copy.”

“Copy Alpha 1, are you alright, over”

“Harbinger, I am fine, but I am seeing something really weird.” he gave his coordinates, “Can you get any radar reading off of that.”

There Was a pause in conversation as he continued to watch the cloud billow. He thought he saw something hard and sharp protrude from the mist before fading back.

“Alpha 1 standby, we are picking up…. Something in that area,”

He squinted out at the darkness and thought he saw the dust cloud before him light up and then fade as if illuminated from within.

He fired the wing thrusters and pulled the jet to a standstill, or the point where he was only getting a couple of inches of drift.

“Harbinger send out a scouting squad on my six see if we can’t get a closer look.”

“Copy, preparing Bravo flight team over, out.”

He let the line idle as he squinted towards the dust cloud. He would have liked to get closer but knew he shouldn't. He had been more than reckless enough for one day. The cloud continued to billow, and he was sure he could see an inner illumination brightening and then darkening over again.

It was about fifteen minutes before, “Alpha 1 this is bravo team incoming on your position, over.”

“Copy bravo.”

“The other three jets pulled up around him idling on either side. Looking out one window he thought he could see the dim green illumination of someone’s dials.

“You seeing this, straight ahead.”

“Copy that commander, something in the clouds.”

“Yeah…. What is that.”

He adjusted his hand on the stick, “Move in slowly and spread out.”

He took down the middle while the other two rolled to the side. The interior of the jet was getting rather cold, so he allowed the fusion engine to idle as he coasted forward on the wing thrusters.

The light inside the dust cloud was becoming more apparent white but tinted blue.

They were right up to the edge of the dust field now and the occasional puff of dust would erupt from the cloud and dissipate into space. It was strange, this cloud seemed thicker than normal. Most nebula only looked the way they did because it was from a distance, but once inside them it was almost hard to tell, but this one…. Well this one was thick. Thick enough that the particles were being displaced by something.

“Anything.”

“No, the cloud is too thick.”

He rotated the engine downwards and tried floating himself upwards to see if he couldn’t get a better look inching a little more towards the cloud. And that is when it began: a massive mushroom of dust bulged out from the cloud and then erupted outwards, raising his eyes skyward towards the blackness, he watched as a massive shape roast upwards bringing with it a glowing white illumination.

He gasped nearly choking on his own air supply.

The comms were dead silent

The creature continued to rise from the fog its massive head and long neck arching down from the billowing cloud to stare directly into his soul.

There was nothing around him but dead silence, and his face illuminated by the head of the creature staring down at him blue scales glittered in the light above as white light filtered about between the cracks. Its face was regal and predatory crowned with two pointed horns, its eyes glowing softly in the darkness, and it was massive, its head alone was many times larger than his jet.

As he watched the creature arched slowly upwards and then down into the cloud.

A rolling wave of dust passed over his aircraft pushing him back slightly into a slow drift.

He could see a dim shape in the dust, a white illumination. As the dust cleared the creature appeared again.

The scale was unfathomable as it could have wrapped it’s body around the harbinger if it wanted.

Staring in disbelief he watched as it snaked up into the darkness and arched it’s back where two twin tarps of white billowed.

As he watched the strange folds stiffened from graceful billowing tarps and flared out into massive white wing-like structures at its sides. As it did this it began to move forward approaching him and the three idling jets at his back. Around its neck thousands of glittering ribbons undulated and curled, but as he watched the ribbons moved, and he could finally see the other small creature curling around it’s neck its scales shimmering with a soft silver light ribbons trailing from it’s back like a starborn.

The huge creature paused its body slowly curling and uncurling in tight loops as it floated. The blue of its scales undulated and warped like the waves of a great ocean, the light that filtered through the cracks in its scales dimmed and then adjusted as it’s body rolled

Its body stretched high above them and plunged thousands of feet below.

Again it turned it’s head glowing eyes resting back upon the group of three small jets.

Slowly it extended its neck.

The head was bigger even than he had thought before.

Colossal, cosmic.

He felt as if it was staring straight at him.

A god of the stars.

And then with a sound like echoing thunder, his head vibrated with a sound no others could hear, “Deus.”

***

Commander Vir and the three pilots stumbled from the cockpits of their jets and onto the deck. It seemed as if the entire crew had gathered there. All three men were breathing hard white and shell shocked at what they had just seen.

Adam lifted his head stumbling on the last run of the ladder.

His eyes scanned the crowd, falling on where Sunny waited concerned on the edge of the crowd.

He stumbled towards her and to where a good portion of his officers stood.

She caught him by the shoulders.

“Adam what happened?”

“Space dragon.” He muttered

The crew recoiled in surprised confusion.

“What?” Sunny asked confused and concerned.

The other two men behind him nodded, “Space dragon.”

A couple of extra things I wanted to say that you may or may not be interested in.

I want to tell you the strange yet interesting story of how I came to this because it isn’t what you might expect, and you may be interested.

When I first introduced Sunny, she was sort of an, on the spot, creation. I had not thought of her previously, and I really hadn’t thought about her place in all of this. Of course, as she got popular, I kept her on, and she became an integral member of the crew.

Then of course the shipping started the Adam x Sunny hounds.

And honestly I thought it was laughably stupid. Aliens and humans not in any shape or form!

But it did give me an interesting idea that brought on the LFIL. I knew that that is how humanity worked, and I thought it would be an interesting topic to address. I will be honest with you, at first I didn’t personally agree with it. I didn’t think it was right for aliens and humans to be together, but I wanted to represent a side of the argument that I didn’t agree with because that is what good writers do, they represent outside of themselves. So I put Adam close to those people, made their plight sympathetic, and over time I experienced a strange change where I found myself rooting for them. The story didn’t change, but I did.

I know it isn’t a real issue, but it was still fascinating to watch.

Then the shipping started again, and I laughed and rolled my eyes of course people on the internet would do this. I consulted with my roommates, and I was like, you know what for fun I am going to ship tease these bastards for all their worth, but of course Sunny and Adam will never be a thing.

So when I started I intended to make you all suffer and never make this a thing. I remember laughing with my roommates at your speculations telling them about how I had the internet wrapped around my finger.

One thing you should know about me.

I am sick and tired of relationships defining book series. Every other book I have ever written (there are nine of them) none of the characters ever got together except to develop nice friendships. I was so sick and tired of characters being written specifically to be made for each other, to cater to each other’s needs and to fill a role. I hate shipping characters, and I don’t like when they end up together, and that is generally my stance.

So I continued to ship tease, giving you hints that could be something or nothing and planned on backing away eventually. In fact, I planned on never telling you at all, but then as the LFIL arc went on and my teasing grew more malicious, something else happened. You know how I hate characters that are specifically made for romantic relationships? Like the author forces them together despite sharing nothing?

Well by ship teasing these characters so hard and never intending them to be, I created a natural environment that allowed for a realistic, non-forced interest to appear between the two of them. They weren’t made for each other, in fact I was trying to keep them far apart, but it seemed as if I ended up ship teasing myself so hard I accidentally made them naturally perfect for each other.

I ship teased you all so hard that I caught myself, an avid anti-relationship writer into believing it.

I knew for months how I felt, but I didn’t want to do it because of my earlier stated stance, but the more people talked and hounded and the more I spoke with my friends, the more I realized I was going to have to take a stance one way or another. I waffled over it for ages and ages, tried to come up with other satisfying ideas and alternate pathways, but nothing seemed right.

I considered bringing in another female human, but then simply realized I was doing the one thing I hated, and that was creating a character for the sole purpose of being a love interest.

I am a writer who hates to have a cast that is too large, and even this is a bit out of my comfort zone. I don’t want to bring integral characters on this late in the game. If it wasn’t someone on the ship, Adam would never meet someone��. Ever, but unfortunately for me I wrote a character who I think needs someone. In essence, I am not going to write someone for the sole purpose of being a love interest.

Take Adam and Sunny by themselves, and they stand alone because they weren’t written for each other, but somehow it worked.

I know some of you might be disappointed, and I fully understand you, and I am sorry. Any other day, I would be angrily on your side, but not today. Take comfort in the fact that I avidly opposed this from the beginning but am now resigned.

That being said, I don’t know how this is going to turn out, I have no future in mind and I don’t know where it is going to go. It could work and it might not, but one thing is for sure, this isn’t going to be easy, this isn’t over, and you all are going to continue to suffer by my hand.

Also this isn’t a romance novel, this is an action sci fi series about space, and that is what it is going to be about. I REFUSE To let this nastiness take over my plot line!

Furthermore just because you admit you like someone doesn't make you a couple, so lets also make that clear.

Sincerely,

A confused Author who accidentally ship teased myself into a hole and now cannot get out

Sincerely, Sincerely

An author who feels like a grumpy but supportive parent

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