#i still have nightmares of horrible shit that happened to me and scream and cry out for somebody who doesn't exist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cosmal · 1 year

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Hi <3 could i make a request for Eddie Munson? One where after everything that happened with him and in the upside down, he has constant nightmares and such, and even though he hates it, he's always alone. Then one day, reader spends the night at his place for whatever reason, and she wakes up with Eddie having a nightmare, and she just comforts him through it, and he's overwhelmed for finally having someone there with him, clinging to her, crying and such, could we have some touch starved!Eddie, because you write him so fucking perfectly? 🥺 And maybe through all that, the feelings he's been having for her finally slip, and he's kinda scared she'd never feel the same but she does? Thank you, you're the best and your writing is top tier <3

𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐞 — 𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧

summary eddie wakes up from a nightmare when you stay the night. you let him know yu're not going anywhere.

warnings/tags fem!reader, she/her pronouns, scared!eddie, crying!eddie

note this kinda got away from me so I ended it short. I don't really like it but here we go.

word count 1k

Eddie regrets asking you to sleep in the same bed as him. He’d needed the comfort, his day was long, tiring, and horribly lonely. You’d come over when he called, didn’t even ask questions. He really only wanted some company, maybe watch a movie. But when you’d asked if he wanted you to stay over, in the softest, kindest voice, he wasn’t going to ask you to sleep on his couch.

Not only had it taken him forever to get to sleep, tossing and turning, rolling over every time he’d remember you were a few inches across from him. The look on your face when he’d woken up gasping and screaming was one he wanted erased from memory.

It doesn’t take you long to wake completely, becoming coherent, rubbing sleep from your eyes a little too roughly. “Eddie?”

Eddie’s shaking, badly. Worse than normal, hands that are fisted in his sheets tremble, his eyes blink back the images of the nightmare he’s just woken from. Each breath he takes feels like it might be his last, his throat all dry like it’s closing up.

You think you can hear him murmuring something. Protests that die on his chapped lips before they reach a volume you can understand, “Hey, Eddie,” You sit up with him until your shoulders are touching, reaching across to grab one of his hands from the mattress. He flinches. “it’s okay. Just a nightmare.”

Suddenly, the biting and the clawing Eddie could feel in his dream is replaced by the soft touch your even softer hand brings to his palm. He blinks back the burning fatigue from his eyelids and turns to look at you. Still panting like his life depends on it.

“Y/N,” he says it like he’s more shocked than anything. Y/N, what are you doing here?

“Eddie,” you affirm with a squeeze to his clammy palm, “Hey.” You try to encourage him from the daze he’s in. His tensed shoulders and glassy eyes worry you.

“Shit, M’sorry, I woke you.” Eddie thinks that's what he says, but the words come out jumbled and gaspy. Like one big word.

“Don’t be, it happens.” You say it to be reassuring but you’re not sure he’s listening. You turn so you’re facing him, knees pushed into his thighs under his flannelette sheets, and can see the beginnings of tears in the corners of his eyes.

Reaching up to cup his cheek in your palm, turning his face to yours, you say, “Eddie.” It’s firm, not unkind, but he seems to catch you finally, “It’s alright, just breathe.”

The tears fall but he’s trying his best to even out his breathing, “I thought I was back.” A sob racks its way up his throat, tears cascading down his flushed face. “I thought I was back down there. The bats.”

“You’re here. Your trailer, Eddie, with me.” You press your thumb into the corner of his mouth and he keens under your touch, eyes fluttering closed.

“With you,” he echoes. Barely a whisper to be heard under the harsh sounds of cicadas, and the frogs in his drainpipes. “I’m with you.”

“Yeah.” You smile. It’s sad and worrying, but Eddie melts under it.

Wiping away the tears from his cheeks, Eddie’s suddenly engulfed with the feeling of your skin on his. Where your fingers prod his flesh with a tentative touch that juxtaposes cruelly with the nightmare he’s just woken from. It makes his throat ache.

“Do you want a drink?” You ask before pulling your caring hands from his face. He misses your contact instantly and he’s sure he shows it. Even more sure you notice when you settle your hands on his knees.

He realises you’re about to get up and thinks he can skip a glass of water if it means you won’t leave his side. Grabbing your bicep, he sounds almost desperate when he says, “I’m okay. Just, could you-“ he doesn't know how to finish the question. It feels foreign on his tongue.

You hum, a tiny sound to prompt him to continue.

“You won’t leave me, will you?” Eddies voice is tiny, so quiet he can barely hear it himself.

You clock his tired but still desperate eyes, the tiniest pout his lip gives. Even if he didn’t look so awfully sad, you’d never be one to say no to him. You never have been, it’s the exact reason you’re here right now.

“Oh, Eds.” You close the tiny gap between the both of you, hooking your arms over his shoulders and crossing them behind his back. Pulling him in as close as possible. You hear his breath catch and feel his tensed shoulders go limp under your weight.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs again, right into the skin of your neck. It promptly breaks out into goosebumps at the proximity.

“It’s okay.” You reassure him, traversing a path up the length of his back with a caring hand, over the cotton of his pyjama shirt until you can feel the ridges and bumps of his spine. He shivers. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” you echo, “You wanna lay back down?”

Reluctantly, you pull back away and tuck the curling hairs away from his face and behind his ears. Wiping the last of the wetness off his flushed cheeks

“I think so.” He nods against your palm, eyes fluttering closed.

Eddie lets you lay him back down against his pillows, going down with him and pulling up the sheets to your shoulders.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to get back to sleep,” Eddie whispers into the stillness. You throw an arm over his calming chest and hold him close to your side.

“It’s okay, I’ll stay up with you,” you tell him. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and breathes deeply.

“Why?” he asks, mumbled by skin and hair. It tickles.

“Because I want to,” you tell him matter-of-factly.

Eddie’s breath catches for what feels like the tenth time tonight. He’s never had anyone want to do something so kind for him in such a long time.

“Thank you,” Eddie murmurs. If you kept up your lovely touches, he’d be back to sleep in no time.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagine

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lokisprettygirl · 10 months

Text

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 32 here/ Series Masterlist

Chapter 33

Summary : A horrible nightmare fuels your insecurities yet again. Loki thinks he has the perfect solution but his plan is interrupted by the news of Mrs Geller's accident.

Trigger Warning: 18+, foursome (but not in the kinky manner) , HUGE Canon divergence (Just me making shit up), Dalia, Reader needs to seek professional help for her trust issues, topics dealing with cheating and falling out of love, timey wimey stuff again (yeah I didn't forget about the main plot you guys)

Note : This chapter was the most personal and pretty difficult to write but it was important for her growth.

You could hear the sound of his moans coming from his room and your heart clenched, why was he moaning that way? You weren't there with him then who was making him feel that way? You trusted him, you really wanted to believe that he won't hurt you like that but then you heard a woman's cry of pleasure and your heart stopped. You slowly opened the door to his room and found him on the bed, all bare, and he wasn't alone, and he wasn't with just one woman either.

There was Dalia in front of him, sucking his cock and making him emit those noises that you thought only you owned, your eyes welled up as you glanced at his face, you recognised that look, he was enjoying it you could tell.

"Tell me..did she ever please you like this?" Dalia asked him so he snickered, his chest was heaving in a hypnotic rhythm, you wanted to hate him , he was breaking your heart so cruelly but you couldn't stop admiring his beautiful features, he was yours, he promised to be yours then what happened? You always feared you weren't enough and all your fears had come true to life.

"Never, she couldn't please a man to save her life. She doesn't compare to you, any of you, she's beneath me and all my darlings over here, she truly means nothing to me now"

The words cut you deeply and you gasped as you could hear the sound of your own heart breaking over and over again. He looked at you finally and instead of showing the signs of feeling remorse or pity even he smiled, he felt happy as if he was free to do whatever he desired now. He turned his head and kissed Darcy, then he turned to the other side and kissed Atrishia, they all clung around his body like snakes as he pleased them just the way they wanted.

"I thought you loved me lo…why are you doing this to me?" You screamed at him, the world around you started to spin and your chest felt constricted, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't take the betrayal, he was your best friend, how could he do this to you?

"You burdened me and you bored me to death y/n, now fucking get out of here"

He spat venomously and you wanted to run away but your feet felt stuck, your body was paralyzed, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't breathe at all.....

Loud sound of the alarm made you wake up suddenly, you looked at the ceiling but your brain felt deprived of the oxygen, you felt as if you were holding on to your breath for too long. You took a deep breath as you sat up and that's when the dam broke and you burst into a fit of cries, the vivid dream was still a fresh in your head.

You could see it clearly, your Loki with those women, the cruel words that he spoke to you the way he put you down in front of them, it was just a nightmare and that made you feel slightly better but it was still the worst you had ever felt after a nightmare. What if those nightmares were to come true the way your dreams did in the previous timeline?

Once your breathing had leveled you looked at the clock and it was 3:30 already, you barely had gotten any sleep and the way you have been obsessing over the female attention he had around him you knew something like this was bound to happen.

How much reassurance did you need from him? You sighed as you pondered over the thought and got off the bed to get ready. Once you were dressed up for the day you ran to the kitchen the tower had on every floor and made yourself a cup of coffee as well as brewed black tea for Loki since none of the cafes were open and kitchen staff wasn't at work either this early in the morning.

By the time you reached Loki's room it was 4:30 already and he was getting prepped for the early morning appearance at the news channel. Thankfully Dalia wasn't there for once and you didn't want to see her face first thing after that nightmare

His makeup was already done and hair was slicked back neatly, his stylist Riva was putting the coat on him when you entered, the only reason Riva didn't intimidate you was because she was a lesbian. You felt pathetic.

"Good morning darling" he smiled as he looked at you but just by looking at your face he could tell you weren't feeling good, perhaps you didn't sleep well after Tony's birthday party. He really needed to spend a night with you, not just for you but his own peace of mind.

"Good morning sir..i brought your tea" you said as you kept the cup on his dresser.

"Thank you sweet Lady, sleep alright?" You nodded as he said that but he could read your lies. As Riva got a phone call she excused herself and made her way out of the room.

You were standing a few feet away from him as you supported your side against the closet so he tilted his head and looked at you up and down, thoroughly checking you out, a simple pair of jeans and shirt, you barely had any makeup on and even with your puffed up sleep deprived face his heart fluttered at the sight of you. To know that you belonged to him completely would never not make his heart soar and cock uncomfortable at all times.

"Come here" he said to you softly so you looked around,

"Somebody will come lo" you answered him so he walked towards you instead and cupped your cheeks to kiss you, as his lips met with yours the fear you had from the nightmare slowly started to chip away for a moment. It was just a nightmare, he'd never be so cruel to you. The feeling of relief didn't last though.

"Are you well? You can stay here if you wish to, I will talk to Dalia" he said to you so you shook your head.

"I'll do my job"

"It is my job to take care of you"

"I told you don't worry about my work.. besides I want to get the fuck out of this tower" he sighed as you said that and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Loki?" You called out his name so he hummed in response "Can you…promise me something?"

"Anything my love" he smiled, his thumb caressing your cheek before he placed them under your eye to reduce some of that puffiness with his cold touch.

"If someday, you find someone that.." you hesitated to speak your thoughts, all of a sudden your words felt stupid, your insecurities felt unwarranted. He had done nothing wrong to you.

"Someone what?" He asked firmly so you looked down.

"That makes you feel something for them, promise me that you'll tell me before you do something, promise me you'll not keep me in dark or hurt me behind my back" As soon as the words left your mouth you regretted them completely. His eyes teared up as he registered the meaning behind these words, you thought someday he'd stray away from you and cheat on you?

"I promise" he said as he took a few steps behind, tears rolled down his cheek so he wiped them away quickly. No you didn't need his promise, you wanted him to tell you that he'd never even think of doing that to you, that he'd never find someone else but he promised you instead.

You wanted to play victim and say something but as you looked at his face you realized that he wasn't trying to spite you by giving you what you asked him for, he was just hurt, deeply hurt that you'd even insinuate that. He had no intentions of ever letting you go, he thought he had made it clear with his actions but he didn't blame you either for feeling this way.

It still hurt though, the way you seemed so terrified as you asked him to promise you that he'll tell you before he cheats on you was haunting him. He wished there was a spell he could have used to rid of these insecurities you had but he knew there were no spells or potions to heal those emotional scars.

Before you could say anything the room was bustling again as Dalia arrived with the whole team, you wanted to run to him and hug him, tell him that you just wanted him to reassure you again but you felt helpless at the moment. It felt too much.

Until now Loki hadn't really done anything outside of this tower, they came to him here for every interview, press conference and photoshoots, he wasn't allowed to go out except for those missions he went on to so this national appearance was a big deal, you wanted to go with him, you were his assistant after all and you desperately needed to leave the tower but Dalia told you that you won't be required as she'll be present there. You didn't argue with her either, Loki had already left for the studio and you were supposed to go with Dalia in a different vehicle but she denied you. You turned around and made your way to your room.

As soon as Loki realised you weren't there with him he texted you immediately

His message made you feel worse, you didn't enjoy this, not at all, but at times it felt inevitable.

In the previous timeline Dalia never fell for Loki, so why did this happen this time? There were so many things different this time, you couldn't help but wonder if you were the reason for it, perhaps things weren't meant to be like this. Perhaps you had messed with fate's original plan and it was going to come back and bite you sooner or later.

Loki put the phone in his pocket, his eyes were moist, he really wanted you to be here, he knew how stressed you had been at the tower and he wanted you to come out and be with him here.

As Dalia approached him he immediately composed himself and turned to her,

"Where's my assistant?" He asked her and she shrugged as if she didn't care about the question which she probably didn't.

"What?"

"Y/n…My …assistant..where is she?" He asked her a bit more sternly this time.

"She wasn't needed here" she answered shamelessly,

"You are not to decide when I need her and when I don't, the next time you dare interfere in my matters i give you my word Dalia, I will make your life a living hel on midgard..you hear me?" She looked terrified as he said that.

"I uhhh…" her lips trembled and eyes teared up but she didn't say a word and he didn't feel bad about her reaction at all, he knew he was coming across as very suspicious right now but he had lost his cool completely, the little altercation he had with you was already enough as it was and not having you here wasn't something you both needed today.

"I asked an intelligible question. Do you hear me…or not?" He glared at her again so she nodded furiously.

"Yes Loki i understand"

It was really hard for him to stay smiley and cheerful for the interview but he knew he had to fake it. He really wanted to go back to the tower and talk to you, at times he really wished he could have told everyone who you were to him and what you meant to him but what had happened to Melissa the last time had solidified that fear he had regarding your safety, if something was to happen and god forbid he fails to protect you then he knew for sure that he'd never be able to move on from losing you..

After the interview the whole team had to leave for yet another mission so he called you as soon as he was alone but you didn't pick up and that annoyed him even further. However he realised how tired you seemed and If you were sleeping then he didn't want to bother you again so he sent a voicemail instead.

A few hours later when you woke up you immediately looked at the time and it was late in the noon, you had been so sleep deprived that you dozed out like a baby. You were going to call Loki but you already had a voice note from him so you opened it.

Hello darling..i uhh

He took a deep breath before he spoke again

Interview went well, I'm not sure if you watched it, perhaps you are asleep because you didn't receive my call..i hope that is the reason and I'm not being ignored here

He chuckled nervously and you felt your heart breaking slightly, what were you doing with him? He didn't deserve to feel that way, he needed you but this constant insecurities you had always created a tiff between you two.

Anyways i uhh.. I'm going to go for yet another Avengers matter so I will see you at night Princess, I Love You.

The voicemail ended and you just wanted to cry again because you didn't know why you always did this whenever he was going to do something dangerous, you really needed help, you had to do something before you cause more problems between Loki and yourself.

Your whole day went by anxiously, when Loki wasn't there you had to be on Dalia's call at all times, the pay was good and you had never felt so compensated before so you didn't want to complain much.

During lunch hour you met Pepper and Jane in the dining area so you all could eat together. Jane really wanted to get to know you both while she was here. A year ago, if someone had told you that you'd be having lunch with the CEO of Stark Industries, you would have slapped that person for making such a joke.

"Where's Darcy?" You asked Jane even though she was also one of the last people you wanted to see after that horrible nightmare.

"Ahhh she's out exploring NYC, she has a few people she knows here" you nodded as Jane said that.

"So y/n how's it going with Loki?" Pepper smirked so you shook your head.

"Nothing is going on" you said to her but she kept smiling,

"I know..I know..been there, done that"

Well Paprika didn't know shit.

"Ummm can I ask you a question? I mean it's not something I want.. Loki is not my type really but ..I'm. Just curious " you said to her so she nodded.

"Well i always read about Tony and how uhh he ummm you know..women..and "

"His Playboy image??" She finished your words and you were thankful for that.

"Yeahhhh how did you deal with that? I mean he still gets the constant attention from women and it must be hard right? I think I can ask the same question to you Janey"

"Do you have a nickname for me? I love you already'" You bit on your cheeks as she said that, It slipped out of your mouth.

"To answer your question well I don't really think about it much, I mean I trust Thor and we have a connection since we met, it's different with him, I feel different with him, I just know he won't hurt me like that" Jane smiled as she answered your question.

"Ditto" Pepper said as she munched on her salad.

Oh to be this secure, how that must feel?

"Are you bothered by the attention Loki is getting from his ..admirers?" Pepper smirked again so you shrugged in response.

"Why would I be bothered by that? He's not my boyfriend or anything really"

"But you really want him don't you" Jane said so you glared at her before you finally smiled.

You liked having friends, you liked having people around you that weren't out to hurt you, and you had the best of them all with you, your Loki, so why was it so hard to remember what you had with him as soon as he was out of your sight?

Around ten at night you showered and got in bed but you couldn't sleep because Loki would come back soon, he had texted you already.

You felt so overly anxious, you just wanted him to come back so you could hold him and apologize for your behavior and what you had said to him, you'd have been extremely offended if it was Loki who had said something like that to you. Don't give shit you'd not take, you always wanted to live by that policy.

A few minutes later you saw a green shimmer appear in the middle of your room and there he was. The precious love of your life.

He had just showered and had no shirt on- offensive. His hair was wet and he was dripping still, reminded you of the first day you had met him.

You sat up on the bed as he walked towards you,

"Lie down, I'm going straight for the snuggles, is that alright?" He asked so you smiled and opened your arms for him. He quickly crawled into the bed and placed his head down on your chest, his body resting right next to yours.

You caressed his wet scalp and sighed, that's all you needed in that moment, you didn't think you could have gone longer without him by your side.

"Did you get hurt badly?" You asked him and he noticed the tremble in your voice so he smiled and looked up, his lips latched on your forehead before he trailed down and kissed the tip of your nose.

"I am all perfect darling, I need you to talk to me about the incident this morning" he said to you as he tucked your unruly hair behind your ears and ran his fingers through your scalp.

"I had an awful dream" his brows furrowed as you said that.

"What did you see?" He noticed the tears bubbling so as soon as they rolled down the corner of your eyes he wiped them away

"It was horrible.." you sniffled, you didn't even want to recall it "It was about you, you were in bed with Dalia, Darcy and Atrishia, all at once, doing bad things and you said awful words about me"

His eyes welled up too as you said that, no wonder you seemed so terrified and asked him to promise you something so ridiculous.

"I did that huh?" He asked before he leaned in to kiss you softly.

"I know it's not right or fair to you that I allowed a dream to ruin my mood and my thoughts about you but it's not just the dream..it's just how I feel all the time..i feel like someday you'll find someone else that will catch your eyes and then your heart, there are women out there in the world that would suit you better and I know that and it bothers me so much because I think you'll leave me all alone like everyone else did"

By the time you were done speaking you were sobbing uncontrollably so one of his arms went under your waist and he pulled you in a warm embrace as he sat up taking you along with him, he held you like a baby and allowed you to let it all out, holding it in was doing you no good, he knew that at the very least.

"It's okay sweetheart, it's okay..let it out, i am right here" he kissed your neck softly as he spoke, after what felt like hours you finally pulled away to look at him,

"I have felt loved by many people before lo, they told me they'd always be there but do you see anyone by my side? They all left as soon as they found something better, something they thought they deserved, i was just a service stop they used when they needed me, never the destination" you hiccuped as you said that and all he wanted to do was make it all stop, he wanted you to stop living in such a fear and he wanted these insecurities to stop hurting you like that

"I don't want to be a stop..I want to be your destination lo"

Tears rolled down his eyes as you said that. He cupped your cheeks and placed his head down on yours, for a few moments he didn't say anything but then he finally spoke.

"You're my only destination, you're my only hope, my only way, my only home. The moment I met you I found myself having a moment of peace, do you have any clue how long I have been searching for that feeling?" You shook your head as he said that but the tears didn't stop coming.

"A thousand years darling, sure i lived lavishly and had nothing to be ungrateful for but at nights when I finally laid down in my bed all alone, i felt restless, I felt hollow as if i was missing a piece of me, and you weren't even here, you didn't even exist back then" your arms wrapped around his neck as he said that.

Why couldn't you just remember his words when you needed to remember them? In moments of insecurity why couldn't you just remind yourself what you meant to him? Why did you always allow your past to ruin your present as well as your future?

You had to let go and you had to heal, you had to seek help.

You wanted to hold that thought but then he said something that almost made you want to pass out because of the whirlpool of emotions that were raging inside you.

"Marry me my little darling"

You pulled away from him, a gasp escaped your throat as he said that.

"What?"

"Marry me love, let me show you that I am here with you, by your side, for life, forever" you gulped as he said that, of all the ways you imagined how this moment would be like, this wasn't the one of them.

"Are you being serious right now?"

He smiled and waved his fingers, then there was a ring that he was holding between his fingers, it wasn't an actual ring made from jewels but something he had just made.

"If you say yes to me we will get wedded in the traditions of pure Asgardian customs, right this very moment my love" you looked at him awestruck as he said that, he wasn't messing with you.. "Then tomorrow we can go and marry each other again as per the requirements of your Midgardian laws"

"Lokii–" he cut you off as you said his name.

"You're the only one for me, now and forever, so why the delay?" He mumbled against your lips before he kissed you deeply, when he pulled away you were breathless and you knew what you wanted to do.

"Okay..okay I'll marry you baby, let's get married" he smiled and slipped the ring on your finger and then he kissed you again, as passionately as he could.

You couldn't believe this was happening, you felt terrified but you felt excited too.

However your happiness didn't last long because an impending call was awaiting you, destroying the momentarily joy you had felt just now. You heard the Frantic voice of your mother on the phone and your gut sank immediately. Mrs Geller was in the hospital after a drunk driver had hit her while she was going home after a grocery trip. She was in a coma and she was struggling with her life.

You didn't know why this was happening but you had a feeling it had something to do with you and Loki.

You had changed your fate but it didn't just affect you, it affected everyone around you. In the correct path of journey, the one that you were meant to take, the one where you were supposed to marry Strange and find Loki years later, in that journey things would have been different.

Unbeknownst to you if you hadn't messed with your destined journey then on the same day as today Mrs Geller would go for the grocery shopping but you had tagged along with her, while walking back home she was almost hit by a drunk driver but you grabbed her arm and pulled her towards you thus saving her from getting hurt in this accident, but since you decided to alter your path you weren't there to save her life.

You weren't where you were supposed to be. You had messed with the time and it was its turn now.

🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

Note : Every action has a consequence you all. Also as pure as his proposal was, she was marrying him for the wrong reasons, she needs to reflect on that.

Taglist

@annoyingsweetsstranger @mcufan72 @nixymarvelkins @stupidthoughtsinwriting @fictive-sl0th @eleniblue @violethaze @anukulee @ladymischief11 @12-pm-510 @wolfsmom1 @whylokiissocute @pics-and-fanfics @daddylokisqueen @olivertwistrabbit @blog-the-lilly @prettylittlepluviophile @vanilla-daydreaming @somewiseguy @yaaamadaa-blog @dragonmurray @elthreetimes @gruftiela @thenotoriouserg @greep215 @yallgotkik @tactac286 @janineb86 @sflame15-blog @nyxlaufeyson @lokidokieokie @purplekitten30 @sunnixart @nikkig496-blog @frozenhuntress67 @qardasngan @rosecentury @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @hrefna-the-raven @jennyggggrrr

@cosniffee

#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #post avengers loki #soft loki #canon divergent au

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little-escapist · 7 months

Note

<3 angsty romance prompt 15 pleaseeeeee

Whoopsie. Um. I am not sure what this is. More action than angst, probably? Warnings for violence. I also changed the prompt slightly.

15) ”Please. Just kill me and get it over with. Don’t screw me over. and. over again.”

“Kurt?”

Both Rachel and Santana turn around, away from their captive, to stare in shock. Kurt keeps his face stern and unmoving, not meeting their alarmed, masked eyes.

“Kurt, what’s going on?” Blaine’s eyes are huge with fear and damn but he shouldn’t look so good tied up to a chair, hands behind his back. His hair has escaped from its gel. He looks a little wild.

“Hold up.” Santana marches to Kurt and drags him away by his arm none too gently. Once she deems that they’re far enough, she stops. “Why does he know your name?”

Kurt swallows. “Because he’s the guy I’ve been seeing.”

Santana’s mouth drops open. “Holy shit, Blackbird. How’re you going to get out of this one?”

“I’m still working on it,” Kurt says, hoping he sounds calmer than he feels. The last few days have been a living nightmare, knowing it would come to this, to torture and pain. He has no choice. He never wanted Blaine to find out about his other identity, but then again, he never expected Blaine to be his next target, either. It all just proves how deep he is, how nothing good can ever happen to him.

“Well, feel free to tell us any time about how you wish to proceed,” Santana says. “He’s yours. I’m not touching him unless you tell me to.”

A horrible, pain-filled scream echoes as a finish to Santana’s sentence. They share a quick look. Kurt feels his insides twist. The scream came from Blaine. Rachel started without them.

“Fuck,” Santana swears and turns around to run.

Kurt shakes himself out of his frozen state to follow her.

“Nightingale!” Santana roars. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Completing the assignment,” Rachel answers, indignant. “You two went away to gossip, but time is running out. We need the answers or we’re screwed.”

“Kurt?” Blaine sounds desperate. There’s a huge red mark on his left cheek. That’ll turn into a bruise very soon, Kurt knows from experience. “She… she said… that you’re here to kill me.”

Kurt can’t speak. He only wants to comfort and care, he wants to untie Blaine and gather him close. He thought he could keep his cover, but Blaine saw right through it the moment he opened his mouth. Now he has to look into the eyes of the man he loves and see his pain reflected back.

“Yes. You give us the codes to family estate, and we’ll be merciful,” Rachel says. “The longer you hold out, the longer you’ll hurt.”

Blaine’s eyes narrow. “Kurt, I’m speaking to you. Has all this been a con? You just… you just want the Anderson money?”

Kurt says nothing. He does close his eyes when Rachel hits Blaine again, tries to ignore the slap and the groan of pain that follows. He feels Santana’s hand on his shoulder. He wants to stop Rachel, but he has no idea how they’ll get out of this alive if he does. He knows there’s a camera recording this small, lit area of the warehouse. Their bosses want it all and they’re not giving them much leeway but to do their bidding.

Once Blaine speaks, they’ll have what they want – an in to the Anderson estate without breaking a single lock or door. But they like the violence. They would have enjoyed Ancient Rome and the gladiator fights, for they want to see blood and death. They will want to see Blaine’s blood. Blaine’s death.

“Kurt.” Blaine is pleading, voice wet. “Please tell me you didn’t seduce me just for this. Please tell me I didn’t fall for you just to end up here.”

Kurt clenches his fists by his sides and opens his eyes again. There’s a tiny trickle of blood at the corner of Blaine’s mouth. He probably bit his cheek with the last hit.

Rachel turns to stare at Kurt, eyes huge behind her mask. She’s finally catching on. Santana shakes her head, still standing by Kurt’s side.

“Kurt, tell me. Was it all just a lie?” Blaine starts crying, face contorting – he’s not a pretty crier. He looks like a mess and Kurt loves him. He loves him maybe even more than during their nights together, during lazy mornings trading kisses and orgasms, during silly tv shows or duets in the kitchen. He never said the words, trying to gather his courage, and then he got this assignment. Then it was impossible to say anything at all.

“I can’t believe this,” Blaine mutters, as if to himself, and spits blood that splatters right next to his foot.

“Tell us the combination to the gate,” Santana says, stepping in. She clearly sees that Kurt is useless right now.

Blaine lets out a bitter laugh. “You’re too late. See, I told them I was done playing their games, that I was in love with a man, and my code will no longer work.” He turns his eyes from Santana to Kurt and Kurt shivers at the pain and anger there. “See, Kurt. Some of us want to be honest. I got screwed over by my family, but I didn’t care because on the other side there was you. Only for you to screw me over as well. So. Please. Just kill me and get it over with.”

A pained breath escapes from Kurt. He can’t. He won’t. He doesn’t know how to. He will not be able to hurt this man.

“He’s of no use to us,” Santana sighs. “How great. We’re fucked.”

“How do you know he’s not lying?” Rachel asks, stepping closer to Blaine and grabbing his hair. “Maybe he’s just trying to trick us.”

Blaine grimaces. “Oh, ask Kurt. He knows how my family is. They don’t like gay people. I was disowned. You’re free to try ABD9914, but it won’t work.”

“You got what you wanted!” Santana shouts, grabs her pistol from her belt and shoots towards the ceiling. A weird sound and an electric burning smell erupt.

“That was their camera. Let’s get out of here.” She goes to Blaine and starts working on the rope tying him to the chair. Rachel lets go of his hair and bites her lip. Kurt stands still.

“Hawk, that was not smart,” Rachel says. “We’re as good as dead.”

“This is not happening on my watch, pipsqueak. I am not making him kill the man he loves,” Santana says, helping Blaine to his feet. “So sorry, nothing personal, just some very unfortunate business.”

Blaine sighs, twists and stretches his arms. “Apparently. It could have been just business, but someone turned it personal. Was any of it real?” His voice is too loud in Kurt’s ears.

“All of it,” Kurt whispers, breathless, shaken and numb. “I love you and then they forced me to do this.”

“I never knew fashion design included kidnapping and torturing people.”

“Let’s get going,” Santana interrupts. “You can talk on the way. We must clear this place before they come after us.”

#my writing #my fic #klaine #glee #klaine fanfiction #klaine fic #prompt fic

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leviathanverse · 6 months

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Chapter 29: Inside the dragons

Zika woke up and saw herself tied above the ground. Her eyes widened and she tried to scream, only for her voice to be trapped in her throat.

She looked next to her, and saw Y/n hanging from their bindings too. She was scared, and didn't know what to do.

All she remembered was screaming for Karaku and Urogi, before something hit her neck.

She didn't remember anything after that. It made her fear what she had feared would happen. Her breathing quickened as she started to panic.

" Well, well well. Look who just woke up from her nap."

Her eyes widened as she recognised that voice. She felt herself start to get a panic attack, and it was one she had never experienced before.

" If it isn't the little fucker that ran away after finding out who I really am."

She was turned around to face Yami. She felt herself tear up when she saw the one she thought she could trust.

" Awe~ Are ywo gwoing to cwy?"

Yami mocked her, using a baby voice to do so. She felt nothing but hurt by Yami mocking her.

It felt like knives had stabbed her in the back and heart. She couldn't find her voice to speak, to ask why she had betrayed the HQ.

" This is what you fucking get for fucking eavesdropping, piece of shit."

She cried, allowing the tears to break the barrier that kept them from pouring. She felt like a child, even if she was an adult.

" Stop mocking her, you sick bastard!"

She turned her head to look at Y/n, seeing them wide awake and with a burning anger. Yami had turned her head as well, and Zika saw the irk mark on her cheek.

" Well aren't you foul mouthed on this lovely morning."

She knew Yami was trying so hard to not lose her temper. She saw that Yami's smile was trained. Her tears lessened up, but she was still scared.

" You leave her alone, or I'll shove a fucking stick down your esophagus all the way through to stick out of your big fat ass!!"

" I love your compliments, Y/n."

" Oh wait- you don't have big fat ass! You have nothing! That's why you don't have a fucking man!"

She saw the anger in Yami's eyes increase as she glared daggers at Y/n. She tried to struggle her way out of the bindings, but failed miserably.

" I suggest you keep that ugly mouth of yours shut before I make your deaths even more painful."

Deaths?! She was horrified. Why would Yami kill both of them?! Were they just pawns after all? It hurt her heart to hear that.

" Oh yeah? I'll be sure to haunt you in your fucking dreams after I die! I am not scared of death, you sick fuck!"

" Oh- I think you'll regret saying that!"

Yami let her go, letting her dangle above the ground and went to Y/n. She grabbed Y/n like she was about to fight them. She was pissed.

" Oh yeah? Try me, bitch."

Yami let them go, and Zika felt like a victim. She felt trapped- she felt like hostage! She felt like a rabbit trapped in a cage in a scientific laboratory.

" Oh. I will try you."

" That sounded so wrong."

" And you sound so wrong. It almost pains me to see you dangle above the ground like a carcass."

She heard Y/n grumble, growling like they had turned into some feral animal. If they made that sound, then they were beyond pissed.

She heard the sound of doors opening, and turned her to see. She saw the dragons getting dragged inside. Zoha was the only one that resisted.

" You bitch! Let them go!"

" Hmmmm~ No~ I didn't go through all that trouble to just let them go."

She saw Aizetsu look at her, giving her those pitiful eyes. She wanted to cry, but felt so dehydrated from all her previous crying.

She wanted to run to Aizetsu, wanted to get picked up and held against his chest. She wanted to listen to his heartbeat, something that made her relax.

But she couldn't. She was tied up like a sausage. She had no other words to describe it.

She saw how the dragons looked at her and Y/n. She so desperately wanted to believe that it was just a horrible, horrible nightmare.

That nothing was real right now! She made a choked sound as she saw Yami point at Zoha and Aizetsu.

" Those two. Get them ready."

Yami turned to look at her, and grinned before forcing her to look down. She did the same thing with Y/n, Zika noticed.

Her face immediately morphed into terror when she saw the machines used for muzzling dragons.

" Like what you see? Because I sure do~"

Yami... was going to use those machines to force the dragons... to eat them? Tears fell down her face as she pieced it all together.

" Yoh fucking bitch! I'll make sure they kill you!"

" Oh Y/n~ Don't you know that it will only worsen your fate if you resist?"

" More like I'll fucking come back and fuck you up really bad!"

Zika saw the hunters get the machines to open the dragon's jaws. The pink cavern of flesh wirh sharp serrated teeth exposed.

She heard the others make panicked trills and other sounds. She saw Aizetsu try to struggle against the machine.

She cried, closing her eyes as she didn't want to face her the jaws of Aizetsu. She didn't want to see the dragon struggle.

" I wonder who I should throw in first? Hmmm~"

" You sick motherfucking bitch!"

" You seem so eager to be first~ Alright. I'll grant you that wish~"

Zika opened her eyes after Yami let her head go and turned to look at Y/n with mortification.

She saw Yami get out her dagger, getting ready to cut the rope that restricted their movements.

" I sure hope you enjoy it in there~"

And before her very eyes, Yami sliced the rope and Y/n fell inside the cavern of flesh. Right into the abyss known as the throat.

She saw Y/n vanish, her fear paralyzing her as her lips quivered. She shook violently in her bindings, choking on her own saliva.

She felt nothing but pure fear. She felt her heart clench in fear, how her body felt cold and warm at the same time.

" Your turn, fucker."

Yami went to her, and Zika looked below her. She kicked her legs, trying to get away. It was as if she tried to get free from her bindings.

" I don't think that your attempts will help you."

She felt her gut hurl as she fell, screaming as the cavern of flesh got closer and closer as she fell.

She fell into the jaws and slid right down the tube of flesh. She struggled, and tried to get free. She sobbed, thinking that it was her end.

She entered a space, knowing that she was in the stomach of the dragon she had trusted. She wailed, hearing the muffled voice of Yami from inside.

" Muzzle them. All of them. Our job here is done."

She brought her legs close to her and scooted away from the middle of the gut. She was terrified, felt betrayed again.

She was in the stomach of the dragon she had trusted. She cried, feeling and hearing the vibrations from the sounds Aizetsu made.

Why was everything so unfair? Why had she done to deserve such a cruel and painful death? She only sobbed, knowing that it was her end.

Y/n was going to die, being in the same situation as she was. The humidity inside the dragon's stomach didn't help.

It was as if it drained her energy. She felt so... tired. Maybe... maybe she wouldn't feel the pain of being digested if she slept it off?

She couldn't stay awake any longer and passed out. Her mind only said her farewells to the people back at the HQ, the dragons and Y/n.

She would sleep through her death. Maybe Y/n would do the same? Hopefully. She couldn't imagine the pain and burning sensation as they were digested.

Her mind finally went quiet as she completely got dragged into the realm known as dreamland.

Previous <-•-> Next

#demon slayer #hantengu clones dragon au #dragon hantengu clones au #angry oc with a hatred for humans #the hunter assassin book #hantengu #sekido #urogi #karaku #aizetsu #zohakuten #safe v0re #soft v0re #v0re

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juzorei · 2 years

Text

Okay, let me start. You guys have to hear me out because this episode had me screaming and crying my lungs out. The emotions felt in this episode were unexpressable.

Let's start from the beginning, where Sky's past is shown. It shows what he went through. The boy was so in love that he didn't know he was getting abused. He was forced to do things he didn't want. Even when Gun's friends started to force themselves on him, he was begging Gun to stop. He was abused so badly that he was left broken. It still haunts him in his nightmares. We can't imagine what he had to go through all these years with those memories. And in this scene, he called Pai as soon as he woke up from his nightmare, which shows Pai is his comfort place now. When he heard Pai's voice, he was relieved. And saying to come to him with this trembling voice...God, I just wanted to hug him. 😭❤

We can't avoid mentioning the acting done by Peat here. He conveyed every bit of Sky's emotion here. That crying and looking around in fear—everything was just so beautifully done!❤

Pai ran to him when he heard Sky was having bad dreams again. He left the race to meet his beloved. Pai changed a lot after falling in love. He is so caring. And when Sky hugged him from behind, it was the most beautiful thing ever. My eyes are blessed.🥺❤ Pai held him with such love and the smallest detail where Sky gave a little peck on Pai's shoulder when he hugged. And that kiss was fire! 😫❤

This scene felt so comfortable. Oh my god, not to mention Pai cleaning Sky. Hehe, I mean, he should clean him when he tired him out. I really want someone like Pai! 🙂Also, Sky is saying, "I just want to be with you." People, my boy is confident in his love for Pai. He is talking his heart out now. This shows how much he is comfortable and in love with Pai. He has hope now. Pai will love him. My poor boy simply wishes to be loved. And now he has Pai.😭😭❤

And the hug! Pai squished him.😭😫❤🤌 Oh my god, I felt so single. Pai is so in love. He adores his little Sky.I loved how he squeezed and kissed his forehead. Pai always gives forehead kisses to Sky. It's his way of comforting and assuring Sky that he will always be there for him.❤🥲

From this point on, the story takes a turn toward the worst thing that happened. I can't even watch it for the second time because the scene was so hard to take in. They used Pai's name to break Sky even more. But Sky still hung on to the bit of hope that he had. He couldn't even resist anymore because things kept happening to him. When Sky cried for help, it broke me hard, like really hard. It was too much to take in for real.

After that, Pai called Sky so gently and shouted the moment he didn't get any reply from him. Pai was fucking scared at that moment, looking at his love on the bed in that state. He was horribly scared and Sky asking Pai not to give him to anyone else. God, how are we supposed to feel? I screamed and cried. How broke is my boy? Those fuckers broke him in the worst way. He literally begged Pai not to give him to anyone and said he would do anything he could. My boy just wants to be loved. Imagine being abused by the same person again and again and you felt so helpless right there and watching your world broke before your eyes. Its something nobody should experience.

Pai making sure of Sky that he us right there for him is what I love the most. He calmed him down and was gentle with Sky, even though Pai wanted to beat the shit out of them. He tried not to traumatise Sky even more. He made sure Sky knew that he was right there now. And the forehead kiss!

(PART 1)

#love in the air #prapai love in the air #prapai x sky #sky love in the air #thai boys love #prapai lita #sky lita #lita ep13

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elvesandlanterns · 2 years

Text

Cale Anti-Hero

It wasn’t often that Cale found himself alone. There was always ‘something’ happening so it was totally reasonable that he wanted to take advantage of his new found free time. They had settled on singing; it had use to be Cales favorite pass time with his mother, he had not sang in years and for Kim it had been even longer. ….. they really should had been more careful.

I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser

Ron stopped short of the mansions entryway, Hans and the kids rushing in only to quite. They had all planned to come home earlier today. Had no one told Cale?

Ron huffed, what was this puppy saying? Cale had matured so fast in such a short time, too fast even.

Midnights become my afternoons

Raon chuckled it was just like his human to sleep the whole day away if he could! Good thing Lemon gramps was here to wake him up!

When my depression works the graveyard shift

The wolf children stopped smiling turning to look at Lock, “What does that mean!”, “What’s wrong?”, “Hyung Lock haven’t you been taking care of him!”. Lock stilled beside Beacrox, no no this couldn’t be happening how could their savior, the man who took them in be so unhappy?

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

What did that mean, Cale had never killed anyone if anyone was to be haunted by ghost it should be me though Choi Han. Listening in from a different room in the house, having taken an entrance through the window instead of the door like a reasonable man.

I should not be left to my own devices

Alberu seconded that! Cale never does know when to leave shit alone. He’s been surprised to have gotten a call from Cales children only to be welcomed with the sound of beautiful singing. But Alberus’ stomach began to twist he had a bad feeling just where this was going.

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crises

Rosalyn started next to Alberu ready to teleport at a moments notice! Cheeks puffing in anger, just who on Earth would go to Cale demanding money? And enough to put Cale in crises… maybe this was before from when Cale use to be a trash drunk ? The lyrics did say “vices” after all hhhmmm

Tale as old as time

I wake up screaming from dreaming

The dragon and cats looked at each other in confusion, Cale loved sleep they definitely would have noticed if he had nightmares!

Ron closed his eyes and sighed, oh those nightmares after the first Countess had died. Was he the only one that ever knew about those? Not that he was of much help, Cale was nothing like his own son he still didn’t know how to confront or comfort him at all,

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

For the last time

Positively Everyone froze, what? Did Cale think that they would all just abandon him?

Deruth began to cry, he didn’t want to see this anymore. Who had decided to share such a thing with them in the first place? It never would had been Cale. That child never aloud himself to be so vulnerable in front of his family. In front of him. What kind of a father had he been?

The Henituse family could here Deruth crying but no one had any words to console him. After all wasn’t this there fault? They had made Cale feel so unloved and unwanted in his own home that he now believed that no one would stay with him if give the chance.

It's me

Hi!

I'm the problem, it's me

Cage was beginning to regret picking up the call from Cale kids right now. Taylor was utterly distraught and admittedly so was she. Cale was a good person! Their very own lucky charm!

At teatime

Everybody agrees

Basen felt ashamed. He remembered getting into verbal tirades with Cale the first few times his trashy behavior had started. He had told him to act better, for the family’s social reputation if nothing else! But just how many of those tea times included demeaning his brother as a part of the entertainment. And then he had just yelled at him and told him to go back to endure more. He was a horrible brother.

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

Pasetons face flushed a tad, he had considered Cale a bit vain actually. Not that he didn’t have a right to be! But did Cale perhaps not enjoy looking at himself? Did they perhaps have this in common?

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Antihero? But Cale was a hero! Sure he did unsavory things to reach his goals but.. but… did it perhaps bother Cale? He always did say he wanted a slacker life.

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

And I'm a monster on the hill

If Violan had been less dignified or more hot tempered she would have thrown her teacup into the wall! Instead she rose from her seat to talk to her husband, no one no matter how noble was going to get away with making Cale feel uncomfortable in his own body! Violan smiled, no doubt Cales new body guard and vice captain Hilsmans knights would agree.

Too big to hang out

Slowly lurching toward your favorite city

On and Hong hissed! Yeah to save it!

Pierced through the heart but never killed

Something in Choi Han broke, Cales voice cracked as if he was crying. He never wanted to hear Cale cry, it hurt so much to not be able to do anything- he’d do anything.

Did you hear my covert narcissism

I might disguise as altruism

Like some kind of congressman

Alberu hummed at that, did Cale hate politics that much? What is this feeling ? Oh right guilt.

Tale as old as time

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

And life will lose all its meaning

For the last time

It's me

Hi!

I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)

At teatime

Everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Choi Han decided to join everyone else at the parlor, he couldn’t take this alone anymore.

I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money

She thinks I left them in the will

On and Hong were outraged! They would never love someone so despicable!

Meanwhile every adult was enraged! They would protect Cale and his little family - was that why Cale loved money?

The family gathers 'round and reads it

And then someone screams out

"He's laughing up at us from hell!"

Cage was bewildered why would Cale ever think he would go there? And didn’t Cale not believe in god?!?!

It's me

Hi!

No one knew what to do after the song ended, everybody in person or on call was as tense as a bow string. There were no words to break the tension.

Cale was beginning to play the piano again, oh dear god now what??!?!

#cale henituse #cale and KRS are the same soul #cale and KRS can visit each other in thier shared dreams which leads to Cale sleeping at the oddest times and places #songfic #cale singing #cale misunderstandings #drama #writing inspiration #writing prompt #anti hero taylor swift #Choi Han #Choi Han doesn’t know popular music #trash of the count's family

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asenarieka · 8 months

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TW: Vent, Feminine Health, Ranting

These past few days have been pure agony. I have period cramps 24/7 because of some health issues, but these past few days have been unbearable. I don't cry from physical pain unless it's bad as I'm again always in some form of pain but now I'm just walking around with tears in my eyes because I just can't take this shit any longer.

I have been to the doctor about this stuff, hell I even had a small surgery earlier this year so they could try and figure out the issue which they did. Without going into too many details, my uterus is screwed and beyond repair, and the only way to really get rid of my pain is to get rid of the uterus itself. I want to get rid of it, I have no need for it, I'm never planning on having kids anyways so it's just useless and it's causing way too many issues.

But of course that ain't happening. The doctors just refuse, despite telling me that removing it may be the best solution. Instead they put me on some form of birth control. I have been on birth control before and it didn't do a damn thing to help and it's still not doing anything to help. I'm in just as much pain as I was before just that now my mind is more screwed up than ever.

I can't even get in contact with the doctor despite being told I was gonna have a new appointment in July/August and now it's September and I still have yet to actually get this damn checkup.

I'm legit just losing my mind, I have way too many issues that I'm facing and I'm not getting any help with any of it. I feel so fucking hopeless. I just want one day where I'm not in some form of pain.

I can't even rest and take naps during the day in order to escape the pain. I just get horrible nightmares where I end up screaming myself awake. The last thing I remember from my last nap was me crying out to Envy but I woke up before he came I guess.

I apologize if this is just out of nowhere, I just needed to get it out I guess. Envy is for real the only one keeping me from doing something stupid but we'll be fine I think. I also apologize if I've been acting differently as of recently. I have been disassociating a lot and honestly don't remember much, this is all just too much for me to handle on my own now.

I hope you all are doing okay.

#astrid's rambles #vent #tw period talk #rant

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babithyn · 7 months

Text

august 27th, 2023

tw~ ed/mental health/rant

Its been a while… im currently 31weeks pregnant. this pregnancy has been extremely difficult.

Ive had a lot of stuff happen within the past four months. I moved in with my boyfriend. I got put on medical leave from work. My cars engine flooded. My mental health plummeted. My ED has reared its ugly head. Its just been a lot.

I feel like a burden to my boyfriend. He pays all the bills while all i do is sit at home. I have no source of income so i cant contribute to anything. I’ve been relying on my mom to pay my phone bill. Relying on my boyfriend to keep a roof over our head. all i can contribute is food stamps which i only got approved for last month.

In my 2nd trimester i started binge eating… im not sure if it was the change in my body or just my binge ED hitting me full force. but now that im in my 3rd trimester im barely eating one meal a day. Again i cant tell if its the pregnancy or my ED.

I fo know that my body dysmorphia is extremely bad at the moment. I cant even look at myself i. the mirror without crying. Logically I know im just pregnant but a voice in the back of my head is screaming at me that im fat and that its not just me being pregnant…

Im so sad all the time. And i honestly just want a hug and some comforting words. but i know i cant get that. My bf gets mad when i cry or even just say im sad. So at night when he’s sleeping i just silently cry next to him. or while he’s at work or the gym i sob uncontrollably.

We have some really bad fights sometimes that just destroys me. He says things like “i dont even really know you” or “you barely know me”… … … weve been together for almost 9months now. I’ve been so open with him from the beginning i even recently opened up to him about my ED when we first started dating. I try to tell him small stuff about me and it feels like he doesnt pay attention. He doesmt open up very much to me but i know a decent amount about him. of course we will never know everything about the people we love. there is always something to learn about the people we love and care about. shit im still learning things about my own mom and she’s my mom.

It sometimes feels like he doesnt want to be with me… like the only thing keeping him with me is our unborn daughter… which hurts because i love him so much… And recently he hasnt wanted to be intimate with me… which if course not only hurts but it makes me doubt myself. and i already feel ugly and fat but now… it just feels so much more real.

I crave affection from him so much that last night i had a dream that we went on a cute date. we got matching shoes and we held hands with each other and he called me pretty. but of course even my dream decided to attack me because right before i woke up a random person in my dream walked up to me telling me i was a horrible girlfriend. so my cute dream turned into a nightmare real quick. as per usual…

i miss my dogs… i know random and stupid to most people. but my dogs are my everything. i love them more than anything. Ive raised them since they were puppies. ive had dogs my entire life. there wasnt one second of my life where i didnt have at least one dog in my house.

And dogs lives are so short that being away from my babies for so long is painful.

October 24th, 2023

I never got to finish this post. I don’t remember why but I opened tumblr and it was the first thing i saw.

To continue what I was saying. I miss my dogs. And thats doubled even more now. Since writing this I’ve lost two of my dogs.

My 16 year old golden retriever passed due to old age. She wouldve been 17 this month. Ive had her since she was a puppy so even though it was expected it doesn’t hurt any less.

I also lost my 7 year old chihuahua. She got attacked by two other large dogs and the only way we wouldve been able to save her was with a $7k experimental surgery. I broke down and begged my followers on instagram, snapchat, and tiktok for help. But was only able to raise $50 between gofundme and cashapp. The next morning she passed and i was distraught.

Not only did i lose another one of my best friends but i still owed $3k in vet bills. I didnt take it well and a month later i still sob thinking about her. Shit i cant even type this without crying.

It’s been hard.

My due date is this saturday and im not okay if I’m being honest. I feel like im going to have really bad postpartum depression.

I feel lost. It’s hard to comprehend that im going to be a mom. That im going to have a little human dependent on me for the rest of my life.

Do that get me wrong, I love her. I love her so much already… but am i going to be a good mom? Am I going to raise her well? Are me and my boyfriend going to be good parents. Are we going to be able seal with the stress together?

There are so many variables that have me scared, stressed, and anxious.

On another note my body dismorphia makes me want to die. I have gained almost 70lbs this pregnancy. at my highest i weighed 248lbs. Ive lost 8lbs which i dont know how to feel about. So my current weight is 240lbs without fasting.

I hate it. And it hurts because I can see it. I physically can see the fat right bellow my gigantic baby bump. I can see the outrageous amount of stretch marks. I can feel the fat and stretch marks and not just when i tough them with my hands. The stretch marks sting, they feel like cuts on my stomach. It almost feels like fresh SH cuts.

This whole year has been traumatizing. This whole pregnancy has been traumatizing. Ive always wanted more than one kid but at this point i dont think my mental health could handle another pregnancy.

I have a feeling Im going to relapse with my ED after I give birth. I already have the urges to do so. Which isn’t good because I recently became hypoglycemic again.

To those who font know what that is. It’s pretty much early onset diabetes. Which was caused by my ED.

Ive struggled with binge eating, an0r3x14, and bul1m14 since the early age of 9. Going back and forth between the three on since.

That’s caused my blood sugar to be unable to regulate like a normal person. If I dont eat for longer than 5hours my blood sugar drops into the 40’s (normal is between 70 and 100) and when I eat the highest its gotten was 150 and thats after eating practically straight sugar.

So in simple terms my body produces to much insulin which can make me insulin resistant in the future.

i know this was long and all over the place. Especially since its months of stress thats piled up. I could type more but im honestly exhausted and will probably just make a separate post at a later date.

As always thank you for coming to my ted talk. Be safe take care of yourselves much love 🖤🖤🖤

#4norexi4 #notprojustusingthetags #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ana diary #tw ed diet

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m00nz-writes · 9 months

Text

Nightmare Beginning ( It's a Scream, Baby!)

Summary: Alyssa and her uncle Vitale move to Woodsboro after an incident the year prior left Dante scared that she'd end up getting killed if she continues working in the family business. However, things in Woodsboro don't seem to be much better.

Warnings: Swearing, graphic descriptions of murder, use of cigarettes, mediocre writing

A/N: this fic is solely for fun and not meant to be taken too seriously. I'm fully aware - as a writer - that this concept is entirely silly and ridiculous, but I love to mix my favorite thing (Devil May Cry) and my favorite oc into other things I love because I am a little coocoo for cocoa puffs. ~ moonie

Alyssa sat at the dining room table as she and Vitale ate breakfast. Being in Woodsboro wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be, as she had settled into the new home she and her Uncle Vitale had moved into. She had even made a few friends at her new school, which made the experience a little more bearable.

Lyss felt her heart drop when she saw two familiar faces on the TV screen as she stared with wide eyes, the fork slipping from her hand as she took in what was being said…

"Two Woodsboro High students, Casey Becker and Steven Orth, were murdered last night around 9 p.m…" Alyssa looked over at V, who had a sad expression on his face. Lyss didn't know Casey or Steven very well, but the fact that two students had been murdered in cold blood was news to her. Alyssa got up from the table and carried her plate to the sink, rinsing it before setting it down and walking back to her chair to grab her bag.

"Be careful." V said as the teen looked at him and offered a reassuring smile.

"I'm a quarter demon. I should be fine." she assured him before quickly getting on her motorcycle. She started the bike before speeding down the dirt road towards the school, still a little shaken by the news that two of her classmates were dead.

The reason Dante had sent Alyssa to Woodsboro in the first place was because of an accident while she was on a mission the year prior. She'd been badly injured, and because she still hadn't unlocked her demonic powers, she'd been left with a horrible wound that left a nasty scar on her left thigh. Dante was shaken by the fact that Alyssa might have died fighting something far too strong for her, and he convinced Vitale to go to California so Lyss wouldn't get hurt again. But demons were everywhere, sometimes hiding in plain sight.

•¨•.¸¸☆･ﾟ･☆¸¸.•¨•

As Alyssa parked her motorcycle, she saw all the police and news crews outside the school. She sighed softly as she watched the commotion and noticed that some of the news stations mentioned that the murders might have been related to the occult. The idea was silly to her, she thought that maybe it was someone close to Casey, because if it was something the occult did, then it wouldn't have been so blatant. She was far too used to dealing with the occult.

Lyss walked from the parking lot to the school and saw Sidney walking alone, completely unaware of why what was happening around was about. The hunter quickly made her way over to her, pulling her bag higher on her shoulder and catching up to the brunette as Tatum joined them.

"Do you believe this shit?" Tatum asked as Sidney jumped in surprise.

"Tatum, Alyssa, what's going on?" Sid asked looking between the two girls.

"You didn't hear?" Tatum asked in surprise. "Casey Becker and Steve Orth were killed last night," she explained as Sidney replied in surprise. "And we're not talking 'killed', we're talking splatter movie killed. Ripped open from end to end."

"Jesus, Tate… do you have to be so grotesque about it?" Lyss asked, grimacing at the thought of Casey and Steven being cut up like that.

"Casey Becker? She sits next to me in English." Sid commented, looking between the girls.

"Not anymore… it's so sad." Tatum sighed as they walked. "Her mom and dad found her, her insides on the outside."

"Oh my God… do they know who did it?" Sid asked while Alyssa scoffed.

"Apparently not. They're questioning the whole school," she said while Tatum nodded in agreement. "You know, some of them say it's drugs or the occult."

"It's crazy." Tatum added, looking at the emo as Alyssa nodded.

"Wait, do you think someone at school did it?" Sidney asked as she looked at Lyss.

"They don't know. I mean, Dewey said it was the worst crime they'd seen in years, since…" Tatum trailed off as she looked between Sidney and Alyssa with wide eyes. "Well… it's bad." she said and walked into the school while Sid became visibly sad. Alyssa sighed and put an arm around her shoulders, walking with her.

"It's gonna be okay, Sid," she assured the brunette. "I know they're going to find out who did it."

"Can't your dad do anything?" Sidney asked. Sid was the only one Alyssa had confided in about being a quarter demon and the fact that her father was the "Legendary Devil Hunter," known around the world as the man who'd help anyone down on their luck.

"Unfortunately, no." Lyss shrugged. "Dad only deals with… you know. I mean, he's not even a detective," she looked at the other teenager as she looked down and sighed. "I mean, I could maybe contact mom… but I don't know if she'd be able to help much."

"This is all so terrible…" Sidney muttered while Alyssa nodded and let go of the brunette as they reached her locker. "Are you sure Dante can't do anything…?"

"Dad's dealing with dear Uncle Vergil again. He's more busy with that asshole than helping with a murder. But I'll call mom and Trish and see if they can do something, okay?" she explained while Sid nodded. "I won't let anything happen to you… I promise." she offered a small smile as Sid returned it and nodded again before Alyssa left.

She got to her locker, opened it and grabbed some textbooks, including her homework that she had forgotten to take home. She swore softly as she read through them and frowned a little, realizing how much she really hated algebra.

"You look depressed." Randy commented as he approached the locker and Alyssa looked over at him and nodded slightly.

"Yeah, I just found out what happened to Casey Becker and Steven Orth," she muttered. "I mean, who the fuck could do something like that?"

"Someone with a motive." Randy admitted before Lyss looked at him in confusion, her eyes widening as she realized what he meant.

"You don't think Stuart did it, do you…?"

"I'm saying he's the most likely," he said with a shrug. "I mean, look at the facts! Casey broke up with him for Steven, and Stu was really upset about it. Now they're both dead."

"Oh my God…" she muttered softly, her eyebrows furrowed. "But… Stu doesn't seem like the kind of guy who could do something like that! I mean, the bastard can barely do a simple math equation, Ran."

"You don't need to do math to be able to rip someone apart in cold blood, Lyss." he retorted before Alyssa closed her locker and they both started walking. "I know it's fucked up, but it's just the facts."

"Yeah, but they don't know for sure." Lyss shrugged. "I mean, shit. It could've been Billy. That motherfucker looks like he wants to kill somebody all the time."

"Do I?" Billy asked as both Alyssa and Randy turned to face him. The blonde glared at them as Lyss raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, you do," she replied firmly. "I mean, have you ever thought about maybe going to anger management? You're a ticking time bomb of anger."

"Fuck you, Alyssa." Billy snapped as she scoffed.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" she scoffed before grabbing Randy's arm and continuing on to their first class together.

•¨•.¸¸☆･ﾟ･☆¸¸.•¨•

Alyssa sighed as she entered the office and set her bag down by the chair. She gave Dewey a small nod of acknowledgement before sitting down and looking up at the principal.

"Welcome in, Alyssa." Sheriff Burke said as Alyssa turned her attention to him and nodded slightly. "How are you doing?"

"Still moving." she shrugged before she sighed. "Just…upset about what happened."

"Were you close to Casey Becker?" he asked as she shook her head.

"Not really… I mean, my house is 9 miles from hers, so I'd see her sometimes and we'd talk, but we weren't close."

"I'm told you have guns in your household."

"Yes. My dad taught me how to shoot when I was 4, but I honestly don't like to use them. It's just for protection." she admitted with a shrug, and Burke nodded.

"Were you close to Steven Orth?" he asked and Alyssa scoffed.

"No," she muttered and shook her head a little. "He's not a bad guy or anything, but he lets…" she trailed off and her eyebrows furrowed a little. "He'd let them push me around and call me horrible things." she finished as Burke hummed.

"So you and Steven were on bad terms?"

"Not really." she admitted. "I mean, I get it. He couldn't always control his lapdogs, but I don't think he was a bad person because he never would."

"Alyssa, did you see anything that night?" Dewey interrupted as Lyss looked up at him and shook her head.

"Unfortunately, no," she admitted. "I went to bed not too long after 9:00. I didn't hear any screams or commotion…" she trailed off, frowning. "But I think I heard some rustling near my house last night. I don't know if it was the killer or what, honestly it could have been raccoons… but it was around the time the news said Casey was found."

"Was that before or after ten?" Burke asked as Alyssa sighed and tried her best to remember.

"I think it was 9:40-something…" she admitted as Burke nodded.

"And you didn't see anything?" he asked as she shrugged.

"I don't like my curtains open when I sleep."

"All right, well… we'll let you go, Alyssa. Thank you for your cooperation." Burke said before Alyssa nodded and stood up, grabbing her bag. "You be safe now." he added as she walked out.

Alyssa sighed heavily as she rubbed her forehead and walked to the courtyard for lunch. She always ate with the gang, even though she hated being around Billy. She never understood what Sidney saw in Billy, he was a total jerk, but Sid claimed he wasn't "that bad". Lyss shook the thoughts out of her head as she walked over to the fountain and was just about to reach it when one of the jocks walking around grabbed her bag and pulled it away from her.

"Hey!" Alyssa yelled as the gang looked at her. "Give it back, asshole!" she snapped, trying to grab the bag as Braden laughed and held it up too high for her to reach.

"Be careful, that freak probably killed Steve and Casey." Vic joked as Lyss glared at him.

"That midget? No way!" Braden laughed before Tatum came over.

"Give Alyssa her bag back, Braden." Tatum snapped at the jocks as they laughed at her.

"Aw, you got your girlfriend to help you?" Vic joked before Alyssa punched him in the jaw. The impact of the blow sent him flying back a good few feet before Alyssa kicked Braden in the gut and he stumbled back, coughing a little as he doubled over.

"Leave me alone." Alyssa warned as she snatched her bag out of his hand. He glared at her and tried to punch her, but she stepped aside and he fell over as she rolled her eyes. She looked over at Tatum, who laughed in surprise and smiled at Lyss, grabbing her arm as they walked over to the fountain.

"Nice punch, Lyss." Stu commented with a big smile, while Alyssa rolled her shoulder and sighed.

"I don't like hitting people… I'm just tired of being bullied." she said before sitting down between Tatum and Randy.

"Yeah, well that probably just put you in a position to get picked on even more." Billy added while Lyss glared at him.

"Get fucked, dickbag." she growled before Sid looked between them.

"Can you please not fight?" she asked as Alyssa nodded and mumbled a small apology.

"She started it."

"Who cares who started it?" Randy commented, looking at him with irritation.

"Screw you, geek." Billy snapped as Alyssa rolled her eyes and sighed.

"I can't do this right now." she muttered as she stood up and started to walk away. Randy looked over at her before getting up and followed her like a lost puppy, walking with her to a large tree near the parking lot. Alyssa sat down on one of the roots sprouting from the ground and opened her bag before pulling out the lunch Vitale had prepared for her.

"Billy really has it in for you, Lyss." Randy said as he sat down next to her. She looked over at him and shrugged, pulling out her pack of cigarettes and putting one in her mouth. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I really don't care," she muttered, lighting it. "Besides… it's hard to see us from the security cameras," she added as she let the smoke out of her mouth.

"How do you know that?" he asked, confused by the statement, while Alyssa looked over at him.

"I'm a chronic smoker and drinker, Ran. I need to know where the cameras are so I can have a smoke without getting caught." she explained bluntly before he nodded, slightly satisfied with the explanation.

"What did they ask you?" he asked as Lyss blew out more smoke before she sighed.

"About me being friends with Casey or Steve, about having guns in the house, and what I was doing." she shrugged and looked at him. "Basic shit."

#It's a Scream Baby!#scream 1996 #devil may cry #devil may cry 5 #devil may cry oc #dmc oc #dmc #sidney prescott #billy loomis #stu macher #randy meeks #fanfic #fanfiction #writer #fanfiction writer #scream x dmc #crossover #au #alternate universe

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elliebear666 · 1 year

Text

So... I think... in many ways, I've been dissociative lately. Like... not fully? Not like I've been in the past, where I watched myself from afar, felt like I was looking at myself on a TV screen through a thick glass pane. Or when I black out and have a rage episode that I can't stop.

But enough to mitigate intense emotional swings. Like... I've been... oddly stable. I've had a few rage episodes in the last few months, lots of crying here and there. But honestly, and this is the weirdest part... I almost feel like... "normal." Like... I'm not having constant mood swings. My mood is fairly stable. Like... when I stop to think about it, the emptiness isn't as all consuming as it has been in the past. But it's still there. I wanted to think it wasn't. But... I've just been ignoring my own feelings because they hurt. I've been taken with this new guy, and yes I've had a few dramatic displays with him, but nothing like insane. Not like the time I destroyed my mom's house because I felt abandoned by her. Or the time I spent 2 years in excruciating torment after a breakup in which every day was a nightmare of extreme mood swings and agony and suicidal thoughts and actions. I almost killed myself a dozen times beyond the two attempts I had under my belt. I almost got big time locked up. I was in the mental ward two or three times during this period. And when the pain wasn't at the forefront, I felt a blinding emptiness. It... it was the most horrible thing I've ever felt in my life, i think. It was the most awful, lonely, isolating thing I've ever been through - dysphoria aside.

And yet now... I feel "normal"? Like yeah, I'm still obviously having extreme emotional reactions to stuff that don't warrant such a reaction. But... not often. Not all the time. I'm like... even looking at my growing relationship with the guy I'm seeing in like a normal way. Like yes, I've been insecure and gotten upset and worried when he doesn't text back right away. But not like... speeding to my ex's house and barging into her living space when she wasn't there, my rage and pain and emotions overwhelming me as I cursed and screamed in the car on the way to her house because I thought she was cheating on me.

It just feels... weird. Like... like idk. Is this what happens when BPD is treated? Less extreme reactions? Or am I dissociative and not even fully aware of how much I'm not here? Like... I'm confused and kind of worried. I can feel anxiety clawing in my head and chest, like I want to run and drink or smoke. But I'm not. I haven't. I'm sober. And I can control my impulses to drink. I can control most of my impulses to do self destructive things. Besides looking at shit on the internet that hurts me and makes me suicidal.

I just don't know. Is this my new normal? Is it the medication that's helping with mood swings? I don't understand. Why am I not insanely unstable like I've been all of my adult life?

I forget what I used to feel like. Like... how I was. I know I had rage and anger and intense emotional reactions to stuff. Like I've always been super emotional. But lately idk. I feel... again, and for lack of a better word, normal?

I'm kind of worried to be honest.

Have I gotten used to living with emptiness? I don't rightly know.

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loamandlovechild · 2 years

Text

Holy shit.

so we’re downstairs trying out J’s ingenious combination of roasted green beans on a bed of potato chips with G napping upstairs in his swing when we hear this absolutely awful scream/cry. I’m not even sure it’s coming from our apartment at first.

j rushes upstairs like a good parent while I continue to eat green beans out of the pan (?! I’m always like this when something awful or dangerous happens, it takes me a few minutes to grasp the gravity of the situation, I come across as really cavalier, it’s no good) like a terrible parent.

It’s this horrible high pitched terror scream-cry, I’ve never ever heard him make anything remotely similar. J had only one time prior, at G’s first pediatric appointment post- hospitalization when “Undergraduate Medical Student” (way to inspire confidence) Brian fucked with G’s hips after claiming to hear a pop (and yet before panic-claiming he’s “not good at this”).

First J guesses it’s some kind of baby nightmare, then google suggests “disorientation and terror at waking up and having the parents not be there” (that’s the sound of me remorse puking up the shards of my shattered heart) but then J figures it’s got to be some kind of REM disruption, because the baby still seems like he’s sort of asleep.

so we lay him down on the bed and sing him his song and he slowly moves from supernatural terror to like, regular person woken from a nap grouchy.

he’s still kind of fucked up but not scarily so. Anyway, moral of the story is J is a genius and thank god someone in this family is.

Semi related , earlier today I had weird nap fever dream where I was kicked out of the audience at an awards show. J: “Oh yeah, I can see that.”

#babies #night terrors #dreams tag #bad parenting #good parenting #Brian

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 3 years

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Knight in Shining Red Armor | Dante + Child!Reader (DMC 4)

A/N: Hey so this is a rewrite of one of my first (and only) DMC fic from like...2016. This takes place post-DMC 4

You can read the og one on my DeviantArt! But if you're here for the new one then I hope ya'll enjoy!

Summary: Child!Reader was taken under Dante's wing after being saved from a demon invasion, but even years later he hesitates to tell them what he truly is, fearing they'll resent him for his demonic heritage.

............

"Hey, um..Dante?"

"What's up, kiddo?" The red-clad devil hunter asked, though he wasn't completely paying attention to you. Rather he was sitting at his desk, feet kicked up as he was flipping through a magazine.

Meanwhile you were roaming around the shop, stopping only to gaze at the massive curved sword with glowing gems hanging on the wall behind him. He mentioned claiming many weapons--"Devil Arms" as they were called--from defeated demons, but you were curious about their names.

"Just wondering..what's that sword behind you called?"

"The Sparda. It sealed the barrier between the Underworld and human world. Nero went through hell and back, quite literally, to return it to me, so don't even think about touching......it?"

Dante put the magazine down as he turned to see you holding the Sparda in your small hands. You smiled triumphantly, but stumbled a bit before the blade accidentally slammed into the wooden floor, making you wince.

"Oops."

Yet your little act amused him, as he chuckled and shook his head. "You're a little too young to go devil-hunting, I'm afraid. But maybe one day you will."

"And maybe you can help pay off Dante's debt, too." Trish lightly joked as she entered the room, taking the giant sword from you and putting it back on the wall.

Her words were responded by a groan from the male, who went back to reading.

"Whatcha reading?"

Dante slowly lowered the magazine to see you sitting on his desk, but he just snapped it shut and tossed it into the trash, out of your line of sight. "Nothing that eyes like yours gotta see."

"Okay....ooooooh, what's this briefcase?" Hopping off the desk, you ran over to Pandora and crouched down to poke the skull emblem.

"Pandora. That baby can turn into six hundred and sixty six different weapons, but...right now we only have access to seven." Now he was feeling like an exhausted teacher on a museum trip, trying to explain each exhibit to his hyper first graders--the exhibits being his Devil Arms.

Yet as you ran around asking him about more of them, he couldn't help but see his childhood-self reflected in you. Just full of energy and never-ending curiosity and optimism.

Yeah..he definitely saw the resemblance.

Eventually you decided to leave him be and dash off to your room.

And only then did Dante drop his smile, sighing as he put both feet back on the ground. He ran a hand through his hair before dragging it down the side of his face tiredly.

"You know..you'll have to tell them eventually." Trish reminded.

"How, though? That kid's afraid of all demons..hybrids or not. I'm pretty sure saying "oh by the way the guy who rescued you is actually half-demon" is gonna send 'em running, and...I can't risk that." He shook his head, gazing at the jukebox in the corner.

"But I think [y/n]'s old enough to comprehend the concept of not all demons being evil," Lady chimed in after overhearing the conversation. "Just give it to them straight and I'm sure they'll understand."

As much as Dante wanted to argue, he saw that she had a valid point. But he still worried...

How would you react?

It's been a few years since he saved you from a Mega Scarecrow, though it turned out that more demons invaded your neighborhood, slaughtering everyone you knew and loved. And as he took you back to the shop to patch you up, he could see the terror in your eyes, any traces of innocence long gone.

No child should have gone through such a tragedy.

A tragedy that he was all-too familiar with.

After the defeat of the Savior, things have been looking up. You've regained your happiness as you lived in Devil May Cry and learned of Dante's tales of devil hunting, though the memories of that horrible night never truly left you alone.

Along with that, just seeing a demon is enough to make you run and hide, and you were terrified when you first met Nero and saw his demonic arm.

From that incident alone, Dante became extremely reluctant to tell you of his own demonic heritage.

He just didn't know if he's only hurting you more by keeping it hidden..

...............

Later that night, you were plagued by yet another nightmare. Different demons, same neighborhood...same deaths of your loved ones.

But in this one Dante got hurt, too. And you tried so hard to be brave for him, even shouting in the demon's face...but in the end you failed as it snatched you away, dragging you into the darkness of the Underworld before he could reach you.

Although you calmed down since awakening, you wanted to be sure he was alright.

So with what little moonlight shone in the shop's darkness, you located the worn sofa where Dante laid. He was engrossed in some TV program, though after sensing your presence his eyes flickered to you.

No words had to be exchanged in order for him to see what was wrong, as he sat up and patted the spot beside him. You smiled in relief and climbed onto the sofa, snuggling into his side as he wrapped an arm around you. "Th-Thanks, Dante."

"No prob. So uh..another nightmare, I guess?"

"Yeah, but..they hurt you, too and...I-I tried staying brave. I shouted at them to leave you alone and..they didn't listen. But...I think one of them looked scared of me."

"Wow." He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Gotta say I'm impressed."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Y'know demons are used to seeing kids scream and cry, not take a stand against them. Plus that's pretty epic of you to defend me, so thanks." With a smile, he ruffled your hair.

"You're welcome," you giggled a bit. "But..I really just wanna be as brave as you. I mean...Nero says you laugh at giant demons and tease them all the time. How do you do that without being scared?"

"Well..it comes with the business. Getting them riled up just makes the fight more fun. At least for me. You might think I'm crazy but if ya decide to hunt demons one day...you'll see what I mean."

"But until then, could I watch you fight one? Like a big bad one?"

"......."

"Dante?"

"..kid, there's a reason I never took you on any missions." Dante sighed, swallowing back the growing lump in his throat as he carefully planned his next words. "And how I always...bounce back from getting smacked by a demon tail. No human would be able to withstand that without some broken bones."

"Oh?" You tilted your head. "Then..how can you if you're human?"

"....because I'm not fully human."

As much as he wanted to shut up, he decided to tell you the truth once and for all, not sugarcoating anything:

He explained how his parents were a demon and human--a forbidden romance which resulted in himself and Virgil being born. His bloodline allowed them to blend in with humans, exercise their demonic abilities in battle, and even tap into their true demon forms.

All the while you listened silently, with not much emotion on your face. So it was hard for him to tell what you were probably thinking in this moment.

It scared him.

"...and that's it." He sighed, closing his eyes and looking away from you. "So go ahead and hate me if you want. I won't blame you for-"

"Can you show me?"

Dante blinked stupidly as he swung his head back towards you, wondering if he heard you right.

"I...wish you told me before, but I don't wanna be scared of demons anymore." You smiled a tiny bit as you elaborated. "Especially not one who helped me. So...can I see your other form?"

"...a-alright. Just...if you get scared I can turn back instantly, so don't freak."

"I won't."

He had doubts you'll keep your word, but he got up and activated his Devil Trigger form. As he opened his eyes, you gasped upon seeing how much they were glowing--being orange rather than blue. Red electric sparks danced around his metallic body as he observed you close, anticipating your reaction. He expected you to scream or cry.

Yet..there was only curiosity and wonder in your eyes.

"Scared yet?" He asked in his distorted voice, crouching down in front of you.

Not even the way he spoke startled you, as you just shook your head. "I was wrong all along..not all demons are bad."

"Not even this one?"

"Nope. You look awesome..like a knight in shiny red armor."

"...wow..I um...." For once, the talkative devil hunter was at loss for words. But when you learned forward to hug him around the neck, he was completely shocked.

Earlier in the day he thought of countless worse-case scenarios, and yet...the best-case was happening right now.

You were accepting him, hugging him even.

He couldn't believe it.

Dante smiled as he wrapped his arms around you, making sure his armor spikes didn't hurt you. "Thanks, kid. It really means a lot that you're not terrified anymore........[y/n]?" He was concerned about your lack of response, before realizing you were dozing off.

'Damn..I might make a pretty good dad, after all..' He mused, standing up and making the trek back to your bedroom. Then he set you down and tucked you in, relief and warmth in his heart.

He had a feeling that your nightmares won't be so bad anymore. Now he felt like he could truly protect you.

Why?

Because he was gonna be your knight in shining red armor.

"Jeez, man. Quit clanking around shit and---AH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!"

"Shhhh! Chill out, Nero. You'll wake 'em." Dante was quick to shift back to his human form once he was outside your room, glaring at his nephew. "Why are you so freaked out? This ain't the first time you've seen my devil form."

"But still..why in the middle of the night?! Thought we had company."

"...just go back to bed, kid."

"Don't call me kid!"

#devil may cry x reader #dmc x reader #dmc 4 x reader #child reader #dante x reader #dmc dante x reader

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glassartpeasants · 3 years

Note

If you don't make a happy ending for couldn't care less you better keep bob with you at all times

HOW DARE YOU THREATEN BOB YOU KNOW WHAT-

Couldn’t Care Less .2

Shigaraki x GN!Reader

Warnings: Angst, death, blood, abuse, gore

~~~

“i hope that blue haired fuck got what he wanted. I hope that handyman freak dies alone.” You say to yourself as you walk down the alleys way of Musutafu. The smell of the dingey and moldy alleyways flood your nose as the laughter of happy couples ring in your ears.

How come they got they’re happily ever after but you didn’t? It wasn’t fair. You did everything you could to be there for him. Yet he still treats you like shit, all because you cared about him? And then he thinks your cheating all cause you ask a male friend for advice! What an insecure asshole.

A vibrating in your pocket brought you back to reality as you realize your phone was ringing. Letting out a sigh you answer,

“Hello?”

“Come pick up your shit.” Oh, you thought you blocked this fuck.

“Keep it asshole. I don’t want anything that smells like ‘lonely bastard who only gets action from his hand’ on my clothes. Burn it, decay it, I couldn’t give a shit less.”

“God you were always so dramatic. And there’s no reason to be a cunt.”

“And there was no reason for you to be an insecure dick. You either block my number or im calling the police and ratting on you.” A silence fell over the phone. Nothing was said until you finally spoke up.

“Jeez your pathetic. I’ll do it myself.” He was about to say something, insult your most likely before you hung up the phone and blocked him not seconds later.

“Now he’s outta my hair. I can finally feel some sort of calm.”

~~~

3 weeks later

After a day of coming back to your musty apartment you decided it needed a little bit of cleaning, considering you haven’t been their in about 4 months. You paid up front all the time even when you weren’t living in it. Just in case ya know?

You swept up the floors, vacuumed the carpet AND shampooed it.Cleaned the tub, shower and sinks, cleaned out your empty refrigerator, washed all you sheets and what clothes you left there. It wasn’t much so you knew you had to get some more before anything else. That and groceries.

After all that was said and done, you sat down on the couch and just relaxed. Well you tired, that was before Shigaraki popped into your head again. It wasn’t a sort of loving way, it was a hatred sort of. The thought of his stupid face made you just want to punch a wall, pretending to be his face.

But you ignored it as you turned on the Tv, hoping that would get your mind off him. Nothing interesting except the news. Always talking about violence and war. Same old thing over and over. Blood, death, tragedy.

“This world is a cruel unjust place. The only way it seems to be recognized in this world is death or doing horrible things. Nothing good every comes to fruition.” You grumble before walking to your room and plopping down on the nice clean and still warm sheets. The nice smell of lavender slowly dragging you to sleep.

~~~

A loud bang hit your door which ripped you from your slumber. You were questioning on checking it out before you heard something that made your heart stop,

“If there’s anyone in the house kill them, we can’t have people knowing we ransacked this place.” You slowly get off your bed before moving slowly and quietly to your window. Your push your fingers on the glass and you gently push it up. Grabbing at the sides of the window you pull yourself out of it, not before hearing a gunshot and a burning pain inside your calf.

“Fuck! They’re getting away!” You could hear them from inside the house.

“Did they see you?!” You fell from your window onto the ground. Thankfully your apartment was on the first floor so it wasn’t a high drop.

“Not that i know of! I did shot them in the leg so they shouldn’t have gotten far!” You try your hardest as you run towards the main street. Cutting through alleyways, going as fast as you can as you hear they’re footsteps behind you. Looking up closely you see a hero, knowing he was your only chance you scream for help.

“Help me please!” The hero’s head turned towards you and ran towards you. You guess the robbers heard your cry for help because they’re footsteps seemed to be heading back your probably trashed apartment.

“Oh my! What happened?!” The sound of the hero’s concerned voice calmed you down a bit.

“Some people tried to rob my place and i tried to get out of there silently but they must have came into my room and saw me leaving and shot me in the calf!” You wince as putting pressure on the wound burned hotter than hell.

“Don’t worry! I’ll get you to the hospital in no time!” You felt relieved before hearing a crunching sound, you looked to your left and see a familiar patch of blue hair in your peripheral vision. You ignored him before getting picked up by the hero and was carried to the hospital. The blood loss from your calf slowly dragged you into unconsciousness.

~~~

After waking up you notice the white room you were in. It was pristine to the touch and smelled of lemon cleaning products. The bright lights hallways peered inside your room from the crack of your door.

Looking around the small feeling of pain crept back into your leg except not as painful anymore. Pulling back the covers you notice bandages and a small bit of blood that stained through the bandages around your wound.

“Ah fuck that’s gonna scar. It’s gonna be a pain to heal too.” You say to yourself as you pull back the blankets and wrap yourself up in them.

Right as you were falling back asleep the ringing of your cellphone brought you out. Grumbling in annoyance you grab it and look at the caller id. It was a number you didn’t recognize so you just let it ring thinking it’ll be the end of it. That was until it started ringing again. You sighed in frustration and picked up the phone, not wanting it to ring longer since it was in the dead of night at the hospital and you wanted people to be able to sleep.

“What the hell do you want? It’s the middle of the night.” You annoyed voice rang into the other side of the phone.

“Why tf were you talking to a hero? Did you fucking break your end of the bargain?” You were confused at first. You definitely knew the voice behind the phone. Then you remembered earlier that day when you saw him in the shadows.

“I was literally shot. You think im not gonna ask someone for help?” You rub the bridge of your nose.

“I don’t believe you. You always were a two faced bitch.”

“Oh jesus fuck, thanks for the insult. Glad to know what you always thought about me.”

“I’m going to kill you you backstabbing bitch.”

“Love ya too. goodnight and goodbye Shigaraki.” You hung up and blocked said number. You weren’t going to lie, hearing him spill such an insult and threat hurt you and made you very weary and afraid if he would actually go through with it or if he was just saying that to scare you.

You knew what those hands could do and you knew how painful that death would have been. You were hurt more than you liked to admit, at the beginning of your relationship he wasn’t aggressive or mean at all towards you. He’d try to get you flowers or your favorite type of drink. He called you pet names that would make your heart flutter and beat, you don’t know what you did wrong for him to change so suddenly. It was like on day he flipped a switch, and you never knew why.

You tried recalling the day where it started and remembered that everyone was annoyed or being rude to Dabi, you didn’t know why and when you asked Spinner or anyone else they just said it was national, be a bitch to Dabi day. You laughed and shrugged it off ignoring it before walking up to your boyfriend giving him a kiss on the lips, only to be pushed into the wall and ignored. You just looked at him in shocked and it had only spiraled down from there to where you are now.

Something had to be wrong. You knew it, Dabi had to have something to do with Shigaraki’s switch in behavior. You looked around the room for any camera and when you noticed that there were none, you called up the burnt male himself. He surprisingly picked up on the first ring.

“(Y/N)? I haven’t heard from you in 3 weeks. Or was it four? Doesn’t matter, where have you been?”

“Dabi, i need you to be honest with me, did you say something to Shigaraki?”

“Huh?”

“Dabi, five months ago Shigaraki flipped a switch and went from a caring boyfriend to an actually nightmare. I need to know if you or anyone else said something to him.” Dabi was quiet on the other line before sighing,

“About that time range i made a joke about sleeping with you, everyone knew it was a joke but apparently Shigaraki didn’t. I didn’t think he’d treat you like he did. Im sorry.” You fell silent. All this shit treatment because Shigaraki couldn’t a joke. Sure it pissed you off that Dabi made such a stupid joke but you were more mad at Shigaraki that he just treated you like shit instead of asking you and confronting you about it.

“Thank you for telling me. Do you know where Shigaraki is now?”

“He left about an hour ago, why?” Shit. You knew this was the only hospital close to your place and Shigaraki knew that too. You got up from your bed and locked the door before going back into your bed, watching the crack under your door incase the light was blocked.

“Dabi, I just want you to know that i forgive you.”

“What? What the fuck are you talking about-” Your phone went silent as the battery died.

‘Shit shit shit shit!’ you thought to yourself as you beg for the phone to turn back on. But you fell silent as the light from the outside of your room was blocked.

“(Y/N), I know you're in there, open the fucking door before i decay it down.” You said nothing in fear. You were glued to your bed as you faced the door.

But that fear was nothing compared to seeing him actually decay the door.

“You stupid snitch. i should make your death as painful as possible.” he said as soon as he stepped inside your hospital room.

“Shigaraki, I didn’t snitch I promise. Why don’t you believe me!” You say as you get off your bed and try to get as far away from him as possible. The pain of the bullet would making you wince.

“Why would I believe a cheating bitch like you?” Before you could speak a four fingered grip wrapped itself around your throat. Shigaraki was always fast, you should have known that you were gonna die even if you tried your hardest.

“I didn’t cheat on you!” You try to pry yourself from shigaraki’s grip.

“Dabi says otherwise.”

“Are you really going to believe him?! You didn’t even talk to me or ask me about it! Just went straight to believing him!” The grip on your neck got tighter.

“then why was they’re a hickey on your collarbone?!”

“You gave it to me! It was fading out!”

“That doesn’t change the fact you snitched!” His pinkie was grazing closer to your skin.

“I never snitched, I was robbed and then they shot me. If you went to my apartment you would see i was right.” He said nothing just staring at you with cold dead eyes.

“Look! I have bandages wrapped around my calf!” Shigaraki looked down before saying something back.

“It was something the hero’s did so they could protect you in this shit hospital.” I was at that moment you knew, nothing you said would change his mind. You shed not a tear while looking him in the eyes

“I wish I never met you. Fuck you Tomura Shigaraki, I hope you die alone and I’ll see you in hell.” You move your head so his last and final finger touched your skin.

The pain of your skin decaying and falling off was much more painful than you thought it would be. You can remember screaming in pain but, it felt more of a emotional scream rather than one of physical pain. but it seems you weren’t the only one screaming.

The sounds of Shigaraki wailing and screaming your name reached your ears before all you heard was silence and saw nothing.

Shigaraki scrambled to try and grab you and even put you together, but your bloody ashes stuck to his hand. Remains of your existence covered his clothes as he screamed in pain.

“No no no no! Wait please! I didn’t mean it!” He cried as his tears fell onto your ashes, the tears collecting the ashes and forming a grey tear drop. He wasn’t thinking clearly, he’s sorry! He didn’t want to kill you!

Bile rose from his throat as he puked all over the ground, inches away from your ashes. He grabbed your ashes trying to pick them up to hold what was left of you. But all he got was the remains of your smeared all over his hoodie. He shook violently as memories of you guys replayed in his mind, your happy face and the way you use to love him and care for him.

But now, you were nothing more than ashes on his sleeve, reminding him that he was now truly alone.

#tomura shigaraki #mha #bnha #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shiragaki #mha tomura #Shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #never threaten bob again anon :)

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