#i wanna see your bodies burning like old big sun
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Sleepy Afternoons
A/N: Teehee ngl I just wrote this as a period comfort fic indulgent for myself. I hope you nerds enjoy it as much as I liked writing it!
CW: AFAB reader on period, jokes of breeding, using a dragon as a heating pad, pretty much just fluff
WC:2000
Synopsis: A lazy Sunday, the perfect start to a week on your period where you'll be constantly pestered by your dragon boyfriend.
A dragon’s hoard in times long before consisted of fine jewels and immense mounds of gold, shiny objects as far as the eye could see. Whether it was stuffed in the depths of a cave or deep in the forest, a hoard barred spikes and “DO NOT ENTER” warnings; whether they were legible or not was never up to the righteous dragon’s responsibility.
Adventurers and bandits never heeded these signs of caution, getting stuck in the narrow holes meant for dragons to shimmy through or meeting their demise through puzzles and endless booby traps-- such monsters were thorough in keeping their treasure safe. Any item that caught the creatures attention could be found in their rich reservoirs, even if they were mere wave-smoothened stones from a lake, an old lover, or a prettily decked-out concubine that was too tempting not to take.
That however, was centuries ago. Dragons, like the rest of us, must conform to modern society, technology too powerful and people too abundant to go around flying and terrorizing just to get one’s hands on a pretty penny.
Your boyfriend, once a ravenous creature with a cave of glittering gems and fine craftsmanship-- that he may or may not have maimed many blacksmiths to steal-- now resided with you in too big of a bedroom. You had argued before buying the apartment; who would need this much space? But his hoarder tendencies clearly made up for the abundance in space. Gaming consoles, silvery granola bar wrappers, aluminum dollar store trinkets, books with glittery covers-- the floor was almost unseeable with his trash and treasure mixed together. He wasn’t necessarily dirty-- in fact every item had its own spot and preferred place, which is why it killed a piece of him any time you threw away something that should not be “decorating” your shared home.
Though as you practically took care of both of you, it was hard to keep up being the caregiver in the relationship. Especially, on your period. Sunday, what a perfect day, to realize you had a whole work week ahead of mood swings and lower abdominal pain, all mixed with the gory massacre you’d face every time you went to the bathroom. Your cramps didn’t usually come in this early of a start, but it seemed like nothing was going quite right today.
“T’s wrong, darlin’?” Your draconic, crusty-eyed boyfriend mumbled into your back. “Somethin’ hurting…?”
He had been asleep since noon, ignoring the stream of yellow shining down on him from between the cracks of the blinds. But with those poor eyes and slightly above average listening skills, he completely ignored the sun and heard your groans of pain as you curled into a ball. The aching in your lower tummy was like hellfire, crisp burning and somersaults of your organs unlike any other pain than usual. Nothing was helping, no cold rags or medicine, it was like your infinite headache and body pains were destined to consume you.
“C’mon baby answer me, I wanna help..” He pouted again.
“Just my stomach..” You downplayed, not sure if you could handle his frantic coddling if he realized you’re period started. The last time you made the mistake of doing so, you had pads stacked to the brim in your bathroom cabinets and tampons in your closets, the mass shoplifting endeavor of his creating even less space in your home. Well, atleast you were set for the next fifty-seven or so cycles.
“I just need to rest n’ I’ll be fine, soon…”
Another wave of pain came through, head ringing as soft nails raked up and down your sweating back.
‘When will this be over,’ you wondered.
Maybe that horrible breeding endeavor your boyfriend was always obsessed with was worth it if it meant you wouldn’t have to suffer through this for nine months. Yeah, just nine months of morning sickness and bloating and growing a whole dragon-human parasite inside of you. But hey… the making part wouldn’t be too bad, and atleast you would be crotch-pain free.
Man, now the pain was really talking through you.
“Yer period, right?” Your dragon wonders, scratching the back of his head. He’s more awake now, and you wish he was still passed out grabbing onto you, even through the sticky sweat from his body heat. “I’m sorry baby…I know it hurts. What’you want me to do?”
“How’d you even know..” You groan, almost annoyed at how keen he is. Next thing you’d know he’d be shoving some pretty pawn shop jewelry for you to hold to distract you from the pain.
“I don’t think.. You want to know. And well there’s the obvious, I noticed you changed the bed covers.”
Oh lord, was he talking about that split tongue-nose smell-ability ‘dragon thing’ again? Could your embarassment get any worse?
“Does that mean you’ve… EVERY TIME? Every time you knew?”
He sheepishly fell into the new sheets of warmth, those dark eyebrows lifted in innocence.
“Sometimes before you knew, I think.”
Officially, you wish your boyfriend was asleep again. Maybe you’d just strangle him to end this mind-numbing conversation.
“What can I do?” He repeated. “Get you more pads?”
“No.” You shut him down as soon as the words left his mouth.
“What then? A snack, more pillows? Now’s the time to be babied, you know. Unless you’d be okay with me coming to work with you--”
You groaned, partly to shut him up and to vocalize the squeezing, contracting inside of you.
His clawed fingers came to cradle your belly, right below your belly button on your pelvic muscle. He rubbed, just gently, back and forth with a slight pressure as your head buried into the sheets beneath you.
“Just this.. is fine..” You murmur, feeling hot, humid breath exhale against your neck, emerald green slits baring into your twisted expression. He was watching you, the way your body reacted, the little signals of discomfort.
You heard a slight flutter of his wings as they adjusted, his body fitting against yours like a puzzle piece; it was nice to be the small spoon again, rather than cradling your needy dragon lover like a cocoon as he so often desired.
The dragon slowly pushed a leg between your bunched knees that stuck together, getting easier access to your tummy. His palm was so warm, as the torso flushed behind you kept a reassuring prresence. You almost turned on your back to get his palm farther against your stomach, the slight pressure and warm temperature soothing the ache in your lower back and groin.
“You know… I could always breed ya, then you wouldn’t have to--”
“Don’t try to convince me right now.” you spat, turning into him as his hand worked magic, the other brushing hair off of your neck and cheek. “That’s not an option, especially right now.”
“Well, at the very least I can make you feel good. Might ease up some of the pain, yeah?” He laid back down to lean in closer.
You sighed; he clearly didn’t understand the discomfort and embarrassment that his oh-so keen intimacy would bring you right now. You loved the sentiment, and maybe you’d be up for it if you weren’t solely thinking about your physical misery, but you barely had the fortitude to look back toward him.
Your dragon buried his flared nose into the top of your head, lined against you like a perfectly shaped heat blanket.
“You wouldn’t even have to do anything.. I’ll do whatever makes ya feel better.” His other hand snakes beneath your hip against the bed mattress, pulling you back toward his body even closer, if possible. The warm, spiked fingers tapping alongside your pelvic bone made your skin spark, your lower stomach buzzing with numbed pain and a fullness that made you want to sleep for another week. “I don’t like seeing you like this.” He frowns. “Your face.. You look so, uncomfortable.”
“Wow, thanks.” You jab, feeling a heated tail slither up your knee, to your thigh. It almost flicked in apology. “Mm.. Just stay my heating pillow and I’ll be fine.”
“I can do that.” The confidence in his voice worries you, knowing he’ll do an unnecessary load of more than you asked for. Your fetal position was gently yanked free, a pounced creature on your back as you’re forced onto your stomach. “I’ll be the best spiky heating pad you’ve ever seen.”
The strong, scaled forearms of your draconic spouse come to wrap around your hips, a burning touch ringing from his skin, worming his way beneath your comfortable pajama pants and shirt, skin on skin as his body temperature rises to accommodate your desires. His forearms seem to ripple against you, fingers tickling your sides as his legs trap against your thighs from above, most if not every length of his body pulsating against yours like a live, scaly cocoon intent on making you his personal plush, and he your sweet, warm monster.
“Feel better baby…” He kissed at the nape of your neck, sandpapery forked tongue popping out to lick away your sweat. “It’ll be over soon.. I’ma make it all better.”
You leaned deeper into the stuffy mattress sheets, the pressure on your abdomen welcomly encouraged as you push as far as possible into his fiery hands.
“I’m betting on it.” You muffle into the pillows, squirming your hips against his his body, warm chest and carved quadriceps surrounding you. The slight pressure of his inner thighs against your hips was welcoming, his mounted position atop of you seemingly odd to an outsider-- but you didn’t care how weird it might’ve looked, as the calm of your gutted abdomen took over.
You yawned into the side of the pillow as you turned your head, lifting your hips just a little to soak in the heat radiating from behind you.
“Awe’d, so sleepy huh? Need a little nap?” the dragon behind you poked.
Who knew a murderous, millenium-old dragon would be sweet-talking you so gently-- just a few centuries ago he was murdering travelers for stumbling just a few steps too close to his prized hoard.
“But I just woke up.” You protest, upset at the sleepiness of the afternoon that was rubbing off from your draconic lover on you. “Got too much to do, can’t lay in bed all day..like you.”
You groan into the pillow as a wave of cramps hit you, only slightly set ajar by the gentle massaging of the skin above your pelvic bone.
“Hrmm.” Your boyfriend thinks, shoving his warmly snout against your neck. “I guess it’s unfortunate that I’m not going to be letting you go then. Not allowed to get up until you feel better.”
You laugh, taking one of your dragon’s toasty hands to your chest to hold onto.
“I’ll be here all week, then.”
It was here you felt the safest, the warmest, the most vulnerable and easily devourable-- well, thankfully dragon’s didn’t particularly have a taste for the flesh of humans. Shutting your eyes, you let the guttural ‘hrmm’s’ of your dragon lull you to thoughtlessness.
“If that’s what it takes..” He presses a deep kiss close to your forehead, relishing in the sweet scent of your hair. The huffs from his nose tickle the back of your ears, such petrichor warmth and humidity so reminiscent of past lazy mornings. “You’re not going anywhere, my diamond.”
#x reader#reader insert#writing#self insert#Terato#monsterfucker#monster lover#monster romance#monster boyfriend#monster fucker#monster fuqqer#monster x human#dragon#dragon x reader#draconic#dragon x human#afab reader#period comfort#comfort fic#monsters#monster fiction#monster fic#dragon fic#dragon fluff#fluff#fluff one shot
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“and i wish that i could be with you tonight, you give me butterflies”
butterflies — oj haywood
pairing oj haywood x Black!afab fem reader
contents slow burn, kinda, but not too much. little bit of angst and self doubt. canon-compliant except holst and jupe did not die, smut (unprotected sex, oral (both receiving), creampies, it gets rough for like one scene but nothing too crazy)
words 8.8k
notes handful of michael jackson references (like 3) so if you don't like michael kill yourself, oh also the title is from butterflies by michael too, this is a re-upload from my old blog!
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The pictures of the horses are beautiful, but the horses themselves? They’re gorgeous. After seeing countless pictures of them and marveling at the still images, you ask Holst who’s horses they are, and if their owner would be okay with you popping up for just a second.
The drive is long as hell, some big ass ranch out in Agua Dulce, far from anything except for Jupe’s Theme Park. You make plans to visit one day. Today you’re on a mission to lay eyes on some of the most beautiful animals you’ve seen. Which is saying a lot, since you work with pictures of Holst’s animals all day.
The man that meets you at the ranch is.. not amused. In fact, he looks extremely annoyed. It seems like Holst is a liar.
“Who are you?” he asks, face scrunched up from the heat of the sun, hands on his hips, body language giving stand-offish. You give him your name and he barely acknowledges it. He would much rather know why you’re here and what you want.
“I, um, I work with Holst.” you say with a nervous smile, his displeasure at your unexpected and uninvited presence evident. “I just saw some pictures of the horses and I had to see them in person.”
Hearing your reasoning for basically trespassing on his ranch strikes a bit of a nerve in him. He’s never met someone who’s that interested in the horses. But he wants to get this over with quickly. He got shit to do, and you just interrupted the horses feeding time.
He turns, nods in a gesture that you take as him telling you to follow him, and walks off. You follow closely, but not too close. You don’t wanna seem like more of a weirdo than you’re sure you already do.
“You drove all the way out here just to see my horses?” he questions, leaning on the arena near a pretty brown horse as he waits for you to catch up.
“Yeah.” you nod. “I been seeing pictures of them for some months now and i just wanted to see them in person.”’
“Mhm.” he nods, reaching up to sift some dirt off of Lucky’s mane.
You step a little closer to the arena, and Oj figures you want to pet Lucky. “Come ‘ere.“ He nods his head again, this time gesturing you to follow him towards the horse. You do, falling into place beside him.
“Gimme your hand.” He reaches for you and meets you in the middle and places it on Lucky. His hair is soft and silky, hot from the California sun, and you can tell just from a feel that Oj takes good care of him, of all of his horses. He’s gentle with your hand, holds it and guides you. That makes heat rise in your cheeks, heat that’s definitely not caused by the sun beating down on you two.
Then Oj pulls his hand away from yours, casting his eyes over the expanse of land.
That breaks you out of your awe-induced stupor.
“I gotta get home.” you say, walking off before he gets the chance to say anything.
On the way home, you have flashes of the cowboy playing through your mind, the burning heat on your hand remaining from his touch, and a couple of butterflies find a hopefully temporary home in your stomach.
—
The next day, you come back.
You find him in the stables this time, throwing hay into the stalls.
Oj’s surprised. Usually, people pet the horses, hang around for a little while, and then lose interest.
“Hey, Oj.” you wave happily.
“Hey. You wanna help me feed them?” He assumes that you’d like to, since you’ve shown some interest in them. And of course you do.
It’s not easy, the bales of hay heavier than you anticipated. But you take the work in stride. It’s not too hard, not when you get to admire these beautiful animals and see how they work. And, to be honest, you like seeing how their owner works as well.
He’s so handsome, with his pretty brown skin, glistening with sweat, the image of a hard-working man. You don’t know why, and you don’t know how, but the cowboy thing is working for him and on you. He’s captivating, his dedication to his horses and his quiet demeanor working together to have you tripping over your words and feet around him.
You could blame it on the heat, or you could blame it on the feeling of his eyes on you the entire time. You’re sure he’s just trying to make sure you don’t fuck up his horses, but you can’t lie, it’s nice to feel for just a second that a man like this is interested in you.
When he asks how long you’ve been working for Holst, it’s like you completely forget the last 8 months of your life. You stutter over your words, and you’re quite literally confused on how you could stutter over two simple words. Still, you do, and you’re sure you just setback any progress you made in getting Oj to find you at all attractive and worth being around.
Because that’s the problem. That’s the dilemma. Here you have a man, who’s happiest in solitude and quiet, and here you are, talkative and loud, and you think you want him to want you. That’s the problem you have. And it’s a big, inescapable problem.
He tells you to hang back by the door of one stable while you’re thinking, telling you that this horse doesn’t take too kindly to strangers. That gives you another chance to really take him in.
He’s so goddamn attractive, and you’re so glad he’s so focused on the horse, because you’re shamelessly staring at his thighs, visibly thick through the denim of jeans. His chest is built; it’s visible under his shirt, too.
And the butterflies are there once again, accompanied by the heat encompassing your entire being.
It isn’t quite professional to be eyeing one of your coworker’s business partners like this, but you’re too caught up in your reverie to care.
And then Oj turns around, and you snap out of it as fast as you can. Not fast enough, you suppose, because he asks you if you’re okay when he makes it back over to you.
“You good?” he asks. “The heat is a lot. You can go if you’re getting too hot.”
“No, no, I’m good!” you nod, reassuring him through a heavy breath.
“You sure?” he pushes, eyes fixed on yours.
“Yeah.” you nod, but you’re not at all okay. He’s close enough that you can feel his warmth radiating off of him, and you have to suppress a chuckle at his previous choice of words. You are getting too hot.
It’s just.. with the way he towers over you, looking down at you under the brim of his hat, the way his pretty brown skin shines with sweat, the way he’s so fucking warm and his lips look so goddamn nice, you can barely focus on anything else. And the way he’s staring at you like he wants to do something more than stare has you questioning if Holst would be upset if you kissed his business partner after only knowing him for like 2 days.
A horse neighs. Oj backs up immediately. You have to go, have to get from around Oj before you do some reckless shit.
“That was the last horse, right?” you ask shakily, uneasiness leaking into your voice.
“Yeah.” he nods, hands on his hips, his stance driving you insane.
“I guess that’s my cue, then.” you respond, walking off before he can even fit another word in.
On the drive home, Oj’s the only thing on your mind.
—
Visiting the Haywood ranch this time is for two reasons.
One: you want to ride one of the horses.
And Two: Oj fucking Haywood.
This time, surprisingly, he isn’t outside with the horses. You hear music playing from the house, so you assume he’s in there. Before you can even knock, the door opens, and you’re met with the face of the man you think you’re developing feelings for.
“Hey.” he greets you.
“Hey!”
“If you wanted to feed them or something, it’s past their feeding ti-”
“No!” you cut him off before he can shut you down and send you home. “I was hoping you’d take me, uh, horse riding.” You say it like a question, eyes searching his face for any emotion, any answer to your question. The music playing is a glaring foil to your current feelings, smooth reggae contrasting with your hyper aware and scrambled mind. You don’t know how he does it.
“Yeah. I’ll take you horse riding.” he nods, stepping out of his house and closing the door. He clicks at you in that certain way, jerks his head in what you know to be directing you towards the horses.
“Which one?” he asks when you both make it to the stables.
“Lucky.” you answer. “I’ve liked him since I saw the pictures of him.” Once it leaves your mouth, you’re sure it sounds weird. But his reaction, a warm smile that seems genuine, tells you otherwise. Perhaps he’s growing as fond of you as you are of him.
After he saddles Lucky up, he calls you over to the horse.
“Okay, so I’m gonna help you up. You ready?” he asks, leaning down to cup his hands together. You nod, throwing one hand over Lucky and stepping into his hands. He boosts you up, and then he’s swinging up behind you, reaching around you to grab the reins.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Because you can feel him against you, and if you don’t hold on tight enough, you just might fall off the damn horse.
“You ready?” he asks.
“Yeah.” you nod.
He takes you down through the gulch, takes you near Jupe’s Park and somewhere way behind the ranch. The sun is beating down on you two, but you know it isn’t the cause of what you feel.
The heat that has enveloped you is caused by Oj’s arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing every once in a while to guide Lucky. Caused by the way you can feel his chest pressed against you, firm and warm. The way merely being close to him has your head spinning.
At some point, he notices the sun starting to bother you. You feel him shift behind you and see his arm go up, and then his hat is on your head, and you’re pushing it down to make sure it doesn’t fall off.
It means nothing, you’re sure. He’s just being nice. But god, it means so much to you, though you’re sure it shouldn’t.
When you make it back to the ranch, you’re jittery and nervous, letting him help you off the horse and then backing up from him as soon as you’re off, handing him his hat from a distance. He doesn’t say anything, crediting it to being your first horse ride and the heat. He’s right, sort of. Just not right about where the heat’s coming from.
He waves you a quick goodbye in that attractive cowboy way, two fingers and all flicking off his forehead in a salute, and you turn away, trying to get as far away from him as possible.
You’ve tried to make your feelings for the quiet man go away, but he’s not made it any better.
You like Oj. There’s no denying it, no hiding it. You’ve fallen for a cowboy.
–
Some time passes between your realization and your next visit. You needed some time to think, to make sure what you feel for him isn’t just some stupid crossing of wires in your brain.
It isn’t. He’s on your mind every goddamn for the next 2 weeks.
Your visit is Holst’s doing this time. He wants you to take some more pictures of the horses. You go reluctantly, not arguing with him so he doesn’t start to pry.
When you get there, Oj seems happy to see you. You credit it to wishful thinking, or maybe he’s just happy to be here with his horses. You don’t know, and you don’t intend to think about it for long. You just flash him your camera and a wry smile and he nods, understanding what you’re here to do.
Well, what you’re here trying to do.
You’re too distracted, eyes flitting over to him with everything you do. You’ll be lucky if you get one clear picture, hands fumbling with the camera like you haven’t been taking pictures all your life.
Everytime your eyes find him, his eyes have found you as well, glances shared from under the brim of his hat. It feels like you’re both in middle school, trying to sneak little glances at your crush from across the ranch, your work going undone.
You’re trying. You really are. You try to focus on your task, to take the pictures Holst needs and leave, but you can’t settle the butterflies in your stomach, can’t get rid of that familiar heat, not with Oj’s gaze lingering over your every move.
But you’re just imagining things. You know you are. There’s no way Oj’s even giving you a second thought. He’s just watching his horses, making sure they’re in good hands.
You feel uncomfortable even being around Oj, knowing you feel the way you do for him and being sure he doesn’t feel the same. You have to go home. You have to get from around him before you do some shit you’ll regret.
You turn to leave, to sneak off before he even has the chance to realize you’re gone. You won’t come back again. You’ll think up some bullshit excuse to give Holst later.
But then Oj’s voice sounds out from across the way, stopping you in your tracks.
“Hey, where you going?”
Shit.
“Home. I don’t wanna bother you anymore.” you answer, turning towards him, figuring you’ll be truthful since this is the last time you plan to see him.
The look on his face is one of confusion, which matches what you feel inside. This can’t be happening right now.
“You’re not bothering me.” he says. You’re sure he’s lying, right? He’s just trying to be nice, trying not to ruin his business relationship with Holst, trying not to hurt the weird photographer who popped up at his ranch one day’s feelings.
“I think I am.” you respond, eyes looking down at the dirt. Anywhere but at Oj. “It’s obvious you like being alone.”
“I do like being alone.” he nods, walking towards you. You knew it.
You nod at his statement, gearing up to ask him why he even stopped you. You back up, ready to leave. Until he speaks again.
“Unless I find someone who’s worth sharing my space with.”
Your head shoots up, eyes meet Oj’s sincere expression of emotion.
“Am I worth sharing your space with?” you just want to hear his answer, need to hear it spoken straight from his mouth.
He’s so close now, mere inches separating you two. And the heat is there again, and the butterflies settle in your stomach, just like they have everytime you two have been this close.
“Hell yeah.”
His lips crash against yours, the brim of his hat brushing against your forehead. You both can’t be bothered to care, not when the yearning of two people too afraid to say anything has finally been sated. Not when your lips feel so good together, when he can taste you and you can taste him. Not when his hands have found your waist and are gently squeezing, and your hands have found his neck, scratching softly at the short hair there.
Not when the heat of the California sun is nothing compared to the heat shared between you two.
You both separate for air, and Oj takes that as a chance to pick his hat up. Your hand flies to your chest, feeling your heartbeat as your chest heaves. He stands back up, laughing breathlessly.
“You dropped my hat.” he jokes, dusting it off. His eyes meet yours again.
“Well, it was hindering my ability to kiss the very handsome cowboy standing right in front of me.”
“Yeah, alright.” he laughs, putting his hat on your head.
“I’d hate to ruin the moment, but I gotta go home.” you say reluctantly, blushing at Oj’s action and tucking your braids under the hat.
“Yeah.” he nods, looking in the direction of the already setting sun, hands on his hips like they always are when he’s focused. “Next time you visit, I’m taking you out.” He smiles now, pretty white teeth shining. He looks happy, you think.
“I’ll hold you to that.” you smile back. He kisses you on your forehead as a goodbye.
This time on your drive home, you don’t chase the images of the cowboy flashing through your mind away.
—
Your next visit to the ranch is by invitation. You could call it a date, you guess.
When you get there, the man that meets you is obviously so happy to see you. He greets you with a kiss, one hand on your cheek, resting tenderly. He tastes like lemonade, and his body is warm like the heat of the sun. You hate to pull away, but you just have to admire the handsome cowboy standing right there in front of you.
He has an orange hoodie on, with something like “Scorpion King” written on it. It’s late in the evening, so you can just barely make it out. It looks good on him.
“You staring?” he asks with a smirk.
“Yeah.” you nod with a smile. “I can’t admire the man I just kissed? Plus the hoodie looks good on you.”
He doesn’t answer, just smiles again, shaking his head at your words.
“Nice hat.” he changes the subject, motioning with a nod towards the hat on your head that looks suspiciously similar to the one he gave you last time you saw each other.
“Where we going?” you change the topic, saving yourself from your own bashfulness.
“There’s this food place like, 5 minutes from Jupe’s Claim.” He decides to leave you alone, but inside he’s feeling all sappy about you wearing it.
“Cool.” you smile.
The drive there is filled with talking, mostly on your part, and laughing on Oj’s. You both fall into this dynamic quickly. You speak, and Oj listens. You like it.
You eat in his truck because you know that Oj doesn’t wanna be in the building with that many people. He tries to protest, but you stand firm, even locking the doors when he tries to leave the vehicle.
“You know, you’re holding me hostage.” he deadpans, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“Yeah, okay.” you laugh through a mouthful of fries. He can’t help but chuckle, reaching for his food.
“And in my own vehicle?” he jokes, placing more fries into his mouth.
“Yeah, I guess I am.” you acquiesce. “We’re not going in there. I like it like this, just me and you.”
His eyes meet yours, and you’re so grateful that you can say something about it this time, can act on what you’ve been feeling for the past month or so. So you kiss him, and kissing him feels just as good as the first time.
When you hook your phone up to the aux and turn some music on, he cracks a smile, which turns into a laugh when you begin to passionately sing the lyrics.
“You’re very excited about this, I see.” he remarks.
“Hell yes I am!” you scream over the track. “It’s my favorite song!”
He just nods, choosing to silently watch as you give him the show of your life, grabbing at his hoodie and sobbing exaggeratedly to get the song’s point across.
You end up back at the ranch after a while, sometime after midnight. You leave, still feeling Oj’s lips on your forehead, his form of a goodbye.
—
No way.
Absolutely no way.
You rub your eyes like on the cartoons, squinting to make sure your vision is correct.
“Oj, what the hell!” you scream up at him.
“What.” he responds, like he’s not outside your house on top of a literal horse.
“Why are you on a horse!”
“I wanna take you horse riding. This time as my girlfriend.”
As his girlfriend.
“Good lord.” you laugh as Oj hops off of Lucky so he can help you up.
“How’d you know where I live?” you ask as he boosts you onto Lucky with a grunt.
“Holst.” He answers shortly. This man is gonna drive you insane. He swings up behind you, and then you both are off, riding through the countryside.
He’s so warm, and you are too, just like that third time y’all met. This time, you can express your thoughts to him.
“You know, last time we did this, it made my feelings worse.”
“Is it doing it again?” he asks, not questioning what else you meant.
“Yeah. Hell yeah.” you nod, and you feel him smile against your neck as he places a kiss there. His hand ghosts up your side, the other staying steady on the reins, and he places his hat on your head, just like the other time.
You smile to yourself, relishing in having the affection of the cowboy you could’ve sworn didn’t care for anything other than his horses.
When he drops you off at your house, you kiss him goodbye this time. He leans down over the horse to accept your kiss with smiling lips, and then he’s nodding like the stereotypical cowboy and riding off to his house.
Who would have known Otis Haywood Junior could be such a sweetheart?
—
Oj’s vinyl collection is insane. Currently playing is “Fisherman” by the Congos, the same song that was playing the day you came over for a horse ride.
Oj comes into the living room, two glasses of lemonade in both of his hands.
“I like this song.” you say.
“That’s good. It’s one of my favorites.” he responds, handing you a glass and taking a seat beside you on the couch.
“So when were you gonna tell me you’re this good at making lemonade?” you question dramatically, going back in for another sip.
“I live on a hot ass ranch and I’m outside most of the day. I thought that would be obvious.” He’s a sarcastic little thing, all snarky and cocky under that stoic exterior. You feel so grateful to be able to see this side of him, the side that he keeps hidden from the rest of the world.
He finishes up the lemonade in his cup, setting it on the table beside the couch and hopping up to change the vinyl.
“What you turning on?” you ask, swirling your remaining drink around in your glass.
“It’s a lil vinyl I made for us.” He pulls the record out, replacing the one on the player with it.
“You.. you made a vinyl for us?” you ask incredulously, in fucking shock.
“Yeah.” he nods, placing the needle on the record. You recognize the song as one of the ones that you played in the truck on your first date. The one you told him was your favorite.
“You remembered.”
“Of course I did.” You go silent at that, enjoying the song in a different context now.
He goes to the kitchen to wash and put up the glasses, leaving you in the living room, smiling when he hears you singing along to the record. When he comes back, another song is starting.
“All you got to do is walk away and pass me by, don’t acknowledge my smile when I try to say hello to you, yeah”
Michael Jackson croons off the player, singing lyrics that song very similar to you and Oj’s meetings and now relationship.
“That sounds like us at first.” you laugh, remembering Oj’s reluctance to even allow you on his ranch when you two first met.
“Does it?” he questions with a tilt of his head, fully aware that it sounds just like him.
“It does.”
“I just want to touch and kiss, and I wish that I could be with you tonight, cause you give me butterflies”
“You definitely give me butterflies.” you admit.
He’s standing cross-armed now, leaning against the table that the player sits on.
“Come ‘ere.” he beckons with a smile at your confession and a jerk of his head, outstretching his hand to you.
You stand up, entangling your hands and fingers with his. His other hand meets your hip as he starts to sway back and forth, and you fall in line with his dance.
“Would never have pegged you for the slow dancing type, but it works, to be honest.” you smile, eyes fixed on his. He smiles back, shrugging and kissing you on your forehead.
“If you would take my hand, baby I would show you, guide you to the light, babe”
Time seems to slow, the world outside falling away, leaving just you and Oj here together, dancing to music off a vinyl player on his ranch, your hands connected, bodies moving in sync. It feels kinda overwhelming, falling so fast for a man you were sure didn’t want anything to do with you.
Your eyes meet again, and so many things are said with just a glance. You have to talk, have to do something to deal with what you’re feeling. He looks too enamored with you, and you’re in too deep to not express it.
“Oj, I-” but he cuts you off with a kiss, knowing what you want to say.
“Don’t talk.” he shakes his head, separating for just a second. “Just do.” he nods, and then he moves back in. He’s sweet, a mix of lemonade and something you can only describe as him. His other hand moves to your cheek, cupping your face, and you almost melt at his tenderness when you feel his thumb start to rub softly. Your hands find his waist, tangling in the fabric of his shirt in an attempt to keep you in this plane of existence. It doesn’t quite work, though, because merely existing with this man sends you high enough to make sure you’ll never come down.
“Cause you give me butterflies inside”
When you both pull away, it’s with closed eyes and heaving chests. It takes you a second to come back down, to ground yourself back on earth. Oj’s hands have found your waist now, and yours are folded in front of you, too scared to touch him for fear of what will happen next.
He’s starstruck, but sure about what he wants. His hands find yours as your eyes open to find him gazing at you with adoration and sureness, and he places them on the waistband of his jeans, smiling against your lips when you hook your fingers in the loops and pull him ever closer, sighing against his lips when his warmth overtakes you.
Then he kisses you again, hands moving down to where yours are, ghosting under your shirt and resting on the skin above the waistband of your shorts. The kiss is deep, and before you know it your tongue slips into his mouth and his is in yours, and tongue-kissing would be gross with anyone else but with Oj it feels right. Everything feels right with him, and you swear you can feel him, hard and heavy, pressing against your thigh.
You can’t blame him though, because the heat he’s made fall over you has spread, has entrapped you and found its way between your legs.
And, maybe fueled by arousal, or Oj’s urging for you to just feel and do, you unbutton his jeans. You don’t know what to do next, don’t know anything about how he likes it or how he wants it, but you don’t give yourself time to doubt. You hook your fingers in his belt loops again and pull him towards the couch, and you fall back, letting him take his place hovering over you.
He leans down to kiss you again, like he’s addicted to the feeling of your lips against his, your taste mixing with him. And he is, god he is. He can’t separate, can’t bring himself to just stop kissing you, so he doesn’t. You separate just for a second, just long enough to push his jeans down so he can take the hint, and he steps out of them, leaning right back down to kiss you again.
His kisses flow from your lips down to your neck, and your hands find purchase in his short curls, nails scraping at his scalp, and the appreciative groan he gives you send chills racking through you. He kisses and licks, sucks and bites until he finds the spot that makes you squirm and whine just a little louder than the rest. You feel him smile against your skin, then, and you can’t stifle a smile either.
“You found it.” you say quietly, like talking too loud will wake you out of a dream, and you’ll wake up in your bed and not under Oj on his couch, with music playing off his vinyl record player.
“Mhm.” he hums against your neck before he goes to work on that spot, focusing his kisses and licks on that sensitive patch of skin. His hands drift down your body, nimble fingers unbuttoning your shorts with one hand. You lean into his touch, nodding when his eyes find yours, and he asks “Is this okay?”
Your brain blanks at the feeling of his hand so close to the heat that he’s created inside you. And then his hand slides into your shorts, slipping into your underwear to meet the mess he’s made of you.
“This all for me?” he asks with a smile, and you, with a heaving chest and a fluttery stomach, nod again, head falling back onto the couch. His other hand eases the shorts down your legs, giving himself more room to work with. On his way back, he kisses down your leg, drawing a small laugh from you, so happy to be seeing this loving side of him, and he smiles at you.
Then he’s focused again, fingers moving against you, experimenting with different angles and movements and motions, still kissing and nuzzling at your neck while you whine and squirm. He’s determined, wants to find that one thing that makes you tick.
And then he finds it.
“Fuck, that’s it.” you moan, chest arching into him, feeling him press against you, firm and warm, as his fingers find your clit.
“That’s it?” he asks, mirroring you as you nod before he even gets the question out. It’s arousing, for some reason, and he swears he can feel the blood rush to your clit. He rubs soft circles over it, watching your face, making it his one and only purpose at this moment to learn how you like, how you want it and what drives you crazy. And when he rubs a certain way, flicks his fingers just right, he can’t help but smile again at the unadulterated moan that rips from deep in your chest.
“That’s it.” he speaks against that sensitive spot he’s found on your neck, and it drives you wild.
“Shit.” is all you can manage, back falling down from its arch, legs closing around his hand.
Oj takes it all in, your whines, your groans, the way you squirm and shake and jerk against him. It feels so good, Oj on top of you, his hands on your body, one between your legs and the other stroking your hair, soothing you as you get lost in the pleasure that he’s giving you.
“Feels so good.” you whine, one hand curled in his hair, the other curled in the fabric of his shirt that you wish was off right now. “Off.” you manage to say, and he hates to pull his hand away, but he gives you what you want, pulls his shirt off as fast as he can, returning his hand to where you both want it.
“You dripping, baby.” he hums, and you shiver at the pet name that slips off his lips so easily.
You bring him down into yet another kiss, moaning into his mouth as he finds his rhythm again, working you up into ecstasy like you’ve never felt before.
“You- fuck, you make me feel so good.” you confess. “You’re making me feel so good.”
That makes him press harder, makes his movements against your clit speed up, makes him grow harder and heavier against your thigh. He needed that, needed to know that what he’s doing is still something you want.
“You shaking, baby. Feel good, yeah?” His accent has you hanging off his every word, his deep voice and drawl adding to the blood rushing to your clit.
“I wanna come.” you say, eyes locked on his.
“Well come, baby, you got that shit.” And you do, shaking and shivering as you soak his hand and your underwear and the couch beneath you. You find it funny how you’re coming for him on his couch, coming for a man you swore didn’t want you, laughing as you come down, small huffs with your arm thrown over your face, in awe at how fast and hard he made you come.
Then his lips are meeting yours again, and everything feels so perfect, final pieces of clothing falling onto the floor beside the couch.
You and Oj make love that night on his couch for the first time, with a vinyl he made for you two playing.
–
You wake up in his bed, slightly confused until the memories of last night come rushing back.
—
Oj bottoming out inside you, kissing you softly as his hips slot against you. His thrusts jolting you up the couch, your arms and legs wrapped around him, his soft praises of “You look so pretty, been wanting this for so long” meeting with your moans and groans of “Right there, fuck, right there, Oj.”
Your chest arching into his, breasts pressed against his chest, nipples hard and peaked and sensitive. His hand finding your chest, flicking softly, smiling once again at the shakes that rack through you. His golden chain dangling over you, glittering and hitting against your chin with every forward push of his hips into your heat.
Your hands gripping at his back, scratching and smoothing down his pretty brown skin, leaving red marks in your wake. His hisses and moans into your mouth at the feeling, tongues slipping into each other’s mouths too.
His fingers finding your clit, using the circles he learned earlier. Your legs tightening around his waist, his other hand ghosting down your thigh, fingers pressing into your skin, tight enough to leave pretty marks that you’ll admire in the California sunlight tomorrow.
Both of your moans and pants, warnings of your impending orgasms mixing together until you’re coming with each other. You soak his cock and he fills you up, giving warmth to each other like you’ve never felt before.
Oj collapsing on top of you, caging you in, you both resting in the afterglow of making love after holding back. Music sounding out, the soundtrack to you and Oj’s expression of passion.
Oj carrying you to his bed after a while, disappearing and returning with a warm, wet towel. While he was gone, you heard the music stop. You feel his hands ghost between your legs, soft and slow as he cleans you up, throwing the covers back over you.
Oj coming back after putting the towel away, settling on the other side of the bed, not knowing what to do next. You moving over to him immediately, arm thrown over his chest, and his arm coming up to embrace you.
You both drifting to sleep, laying in each other’s arms.
—
Oh. So that’s why you’re in his bed.
You throw the covers off your body, and you admire the bruises on your thighs in the California sun streaming through his windows. He’s not beside you, but you hear music spinning and smell food cooking.
You pick one of his shirts from his closet, a faded blue tee that stops right around the middle of your thigh. The marks he left yesterday are slightly covered, but enough peek out to satisfy your loving admiration of his touch left lingering on you.
When you make your way to the kitchen, you find Oj at the stove stirring a panfull of eggs. There’s two plates sitting on the counter, decked out with toast slathered in jelly, grits, and sausage. The food is paired with two glasses of cold lemonade — you can tell by the way the glasses are dripping in condensation.
He’s just finishing up, sliding eggs onto both plates. He leans into your touch when you embrace him, sliding your arms over his sides and to his front.
“G’morning.” you hum.
“G’morning, pretty girl.” is his response, voice deep with sleep, deep enough to shake you to your core. He turns around in your arms, places a finger under your chin to lift your lips to his.
“How’d you sleep?” he asks.
“Great. Even better since I was beside you.” you answer honestly, your smile mirroring his.
“Yeah?” he muses, before dipping down again to kiss you once more.
Kissing Oj feels like magic, feels like sparks and flames and butterflies, shooting heat through every nerve in your body. He pulls away just to sit there, to smile at you and watch you smile back, before kissing you again.
His hands ghost under his your shirt, resting on your waist. He hums at the lack of obstruction, the way what you both know is going to happen is just within his reach. You rest your hands on the sides of his face, thumb rubbing against his skin.
Things move fast this time. His hands are running down your body and over your thighs, hooking under your knees to place you on the counter, still kissing you with all he has in him.
His jeans and boxers are down as quick as quick as he can pull them, and then he’s pushing inside you again, seating himself where he belongs.
He ruts deep, hips flush against yours with your arms wrapped around him, shaking legs pulling him as close as you can. His face buried in your neck as he finds that spot on your neck, and that spot inside you again.
“That’s it, ain’t it?” he nods against your neck, smiles when he feels you nod with him, slipping into the morning bliss and the feeling of you around him, wet and warm. Your skin is heated, swapping warmth from him to you and back to him, passion and infatuation hanging in the air.
Now, you both learn that you two love it like this as well, slow and deep on the kitchen counter, sunlight streaming through the windows, illuminating and bearing witness to love-making between two people learning to love each other.
And when you come, and he does too, it’s with quiet moans and groans of each other’s name, his forehead against yours, hands gripping your waist, and you, with your fingers curled in his hair, shivering at his touch.
Luckily, cold eggs don’t sound too bad.
—
You make the ranch your home in no time. You have to go home for changes of clothes that day, but you’re back before sundown, decked out with some vinyls from your house to add to the collection.
You fall into your own routine, getting up and making breakfast somedays, prepping sandwiches for lunch on the days Oj cooks breakfast. You really could just do anything for the rest of the day, but most of it is spent with Oj, learning more about the horses and helping him where you can, sappy little moments ever abundant. At night, he ends up buried inside you again, which is becoming his favorite place to be. And during the day too, if you’re being honest. You two fuck like rabbits.
It’s cozy, existing in the same space with him. He’s soft, kisses you every chance he gets, makes you food and fucks you good after. And he’s funny, his wit endearingly annoying at times, though he tries to pretend like he doesn’t know.
“Put that shit on.” Black fabric hits your face as you’re sat on the couch, and when you feel it you can tell it’s the satin of your bonnet.
“What the fuck, Oj.” You deadpan, though you know he’s right.
“You left that in bed last night. Them braids look new. Put it back on.”
“So,” you start, raising up your hands so you can count on your fingers, “and I’m just tallying you up here, you can: cook, clean, you’re funny, you fuck amazing, you care about my hair, and on top of it all, you’re a real-life fucking cowboy?”
That draws a deep laugh straight out of his chest, his chuckles reverberating through the house, and through you, it feels. You laugh with him, feeling something like home sinking down into your bones. He makes his way to the kitchen, where he was on his way to before he spotted your bonnet on the bed.
“Yeah, I guess. And you went through the day without that on your head. So put it on.”
When you fuck on the counter a little after that, your bonnet is on.
–
The birth control / no condom conversation isn’t awkward at all, actually. It happens around two weeks after that first night.
With Oj’s cum leaking down your legs in the shower, his head resting in your neck, he finally says something.
“You on birth control?” he murmurs. “I been cumming inside you this whole time.” You can’t help but chuckle, breathless, still coming down.
“Yeah.” you nod.
“Thank god.” he responds.
He cooks you dinner that night, and kisses you every time he can.
—
It was inevitable, honestly, getting Oj between your legs. He’s tasted you on his fingers too many times to not want it from the source.
A morning spent in bed evolves into kisses, though everything with Oj means kisses. You’ve learned that Oj loves to kiss.
He sucks and licks at your neck on the way down to where he wants to be, hiking his repurposed shirt up to your stomach to reveal your core, wet and waiting for him to have his fill.
You know what’s about to happen, but you still jolt in shock when he licks that first stripe up your folds. Someway and somehow, he knows where your clit is, swirling his greedy tongue around it, indulging in your arousal.
“God, of course you’re good at this.” you moan, throwing your head back onto the pillows.
“Mhm.” he chuckles with an open mouth, tongue out and focused on your already sensitive clit. He bobs his head up and down, moving from your hole to your clit, always returning to the bundle of nerves that he’s so proficiently found and laid claim to.
He spreads you out with his thumbs, licks a fat stripe up from your entrance, sucking your clit into his mouth. You’re dumb now, stupid from pleasure and mind spinning with ecstacy. Sunlight streams through the windows, lights his pretty brown skin up, gives him a golden glow. It lights you up, too, gives him a better view of what you both know belongs to him already.
And you’re so close already. Three-ish weeks at the ranch has shown you it doesn’t take him long to get you high like this.
“Oj, ‘m gonna–”
“I know. Do it. Come for me.” He’s so sure in his words that you can’t help but follow them. You come, shaking and damn near crying on his tongue for the first time, and he swears you’re the best thing he’s ever tasted.
He makes you come with just his tongue two more times before you both start your day. You have to lay in bed for a while before you can even think about walking anywhere on your still-shaking legs.
–
“When’d you catch feelings for me?” you ask him in bed one night while you read and he lays beside you, thinking.
“I thought you were pretty when you first came. But I really got roped in seeing you in your element, taking pictures of the horses, even if you were nervous. The day we kissed the first time.”
“Good to know.” you nod. You don’t feel the need to say anything else. Sitting in silence with Oj is something you’re growing to love.
–
You return the favor a couple days later.
He’s gentle, letting you take your time and take him into your throat at your own pace.
It’s messy. Spit dripping out of your mouth and onto the ground in the stables. Depraved, cause you couldn’t wait to get him in the house. He chuckles breathlessly at your greed, the way you basically jumped him, pushed him against the wall murmuring “God, you’re so fine” before you dropped to your knees, unbuckling his jeans with ease.
“That’s it.” he groans, hands threading into your braids.
You bob your head up and down, wrap your hand around the base of him, giving him just a little pressure, just enough to have a low growl reverberating in his chest.
You don’t pull off when he tells you he’s about to come. You don’t give a fuck, truly. You want it all. And you take it all.
You learn he’s the type to kiss you after he busts in your mouth.
–
Angel and Em come over a couple weeks after you move in. It doesn’t take them long to catch on to what you and Oj have going on.
“She’s yours?” Em motions to you with her vape as she steps into the house. Angel trails behind her, yapping on about aliens or some shit.
You see Oj nod from the corner of your eye as Angel makes you his next victim, asking “Do you believe in aliens?” like you didn’t see the picture of Jean Jacket on the news. Oj watches in quiet fascination as you fall quickly into Angel’s rant, nodding and adding your own two cents every once in a while when Angel needs a second to breathe (which, rarely happens, unsurprisingly).
The house gets loud pretty quickly, with Em quizzing you on who you are and if you’re any good for her brother in one ear and Angel going on tangent after tangent in the other. Oj’s content to just watch, to see you get loud with people who also enjoy being loud. He’s getting to know all the sides of you, learning the outgoing side he saw in the truck on your first date, learning the quiet side he sees on those music and lemonade nights, learning the soft side he sees when you two make love, learning the side of you that likes it rough and carnal, learning what makes you you.
After a while of talking and sipping lemonade with your copy of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album spinning, Oj joins Em in the kitchen.
“She reeled you in, didn’t she.” Em questions with a smile, poking fun at her brother with the smooth notes of “Human Nature” filling the house.
“Yeah, she did.” he admits with a nod and a smile. “She something special.”
“I can tell. she got you smiling and shit. You ain’t smiled this much since before.. you know. And from talking to her it seem like she’s what you need.”
“She makes me happy. For real.” is all he says, and Emerald knows what he means without him having to say anything else.
When Em and Angel leave for the night, you ask him one question, standing across from him in the kitchen, him leaning against the counter.
“I make you happy?” You ask.
“Hell yeah. You been making me happy since you came here that first day.” He hopes you believe him.
And you do. You can see a future with him. He sees one with you too.
When you both fall asleep in each other’s arms, you’re content.
–
It’s hot as fuck. Like, hot. It’s been a month or so living on the ranch, so you’re growing accustomed to the heat. But shit.
Oj’s feeling the effects of the sun too, wiping sweat off his forehead every second it seems. You take a second to lean against the stables for just a moment, just enough to catch your breath.
“You good?” he asks when he sees you stop tending to Ghost.
“Yeah.” you huff, fanning yourself. “It’s just hot as hell.”
You see him reach down to turn the hose on, and you pay him no mind. He’s just giving the horses some water.
Then you feel water hit you.
“Oj.” you laugh, wiping your face off.
“Yeah?” He feigns innocence. “I’m just tryna cool you off.” It’s sweet, really, his playfulness mixing with him caring for you, making sure you don’t pass the fuck out.
It turns into a water fight, the hose making its way from your hands to his, wetting him up too.
Eventually, the hose is dropped on the ground, spraying water up over you two while you kiss, laughing in between.
–
It’s not all love-making with Oj, though, not all sappy moments and heartfelt confessions. Oj knows how to break you just the way you like.
Over the months he’s learned you like it face down in the pillows sometimes, his hips snapping strong and determined into you, cock pressed right up against that spot. He’s learned you like when controls you, when he takes the reins.
“You can take it, beautiful. You got that shit.” You sob into the pillow, writhe and thrash in his grasp as he tightens his hand around your wrists, pushes them closer to your back where he has them pulled behind you.
“You feel me deep, don’t you? Feel me deep in this pussy, my pussy.” You couldn’t form words even if you were able to. He knows this, knows his voice, his accent, his drawl all get you that much wetter. “Its mine, hm?” he knows all of you belongs to him. All of you, down to your soul, belongs to him.
“Yours.” you choke out, tell him what he knows already. He makes you come so many times that night, you just barely pass out.
–
Things go so easy. It’s so easy to love Oj and it’s so easy for him to love you.
The first time he says it is completely on purpose, about 6 months after that first date, and 5 months after you moved in.
It’s a night that goes like many of yalls nights, sipping lemonade and spinning records. The conversation is meaningless, but meaningful because it’s with you. And then things get silent, and it gives Oj a moment to lay in what he has with you. The words make perfect sense when they roll from his lips.
“I love you.” His eyes are trained on yours.
“I love you too.” You’re sure about it. You’ve loved him for a long time.
And that’s the end of it. It isn’t a big deal, because you both knew what it was you were feeling before you even felt the urge to put words to it.
You love him. And he loves you too.
–
It’s funny how a quick visit to see some horses could evolve into this.
Moving onto the ranch, making love whenever you both please, letting Oj break you the way you love and he loves too. Kisses and I love you’s shared, horse rides and lemonade and dates in his truck, with and without music playing. Compliments on your hairstyles and reminding you to wear your bonnet, late night runs to the nearest store, dates at Jupe’s Claim. Water fights on days when it gets wayyy too hot. Nights spent listening to music and talking about the most mundane of things, eyes and lips always landing on your lover.
He eventually tells you exactly how Pops died. How that shit fucked up him up bad. But he makes sure you know he’s grateful for you, thanks whoever’s listening that you walked into his laugh with a love for something he loved too and shy ass smile.
“You make me happy in a way I aint felt in a long time.” he tells you in bed between kisses one night with you wrapped up in his arms. You’re glad you could do that for him.
“You make me feel safe. You make me feel seen.” He’s glad he could do that for you.
Funny how one meeting could spawn all this
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Graves proposes to You 💖 (AI ASMR)
Graves will make sure the setting for his proposal is perfect and matches your character. It depends solely on your preferences and could be:
>A very sweet, private moment. Like there's nobody else on this whole world but two of you.
>A dinner and a movie, followed up with a walk through the park… And a picnic under the stars.
>A long walk on the beach when the setting sun casts a warm, soft light across the waves.
>A romantic place with flowers everywhere and a bottle of fine champagne. The place where you two have a connection with.
>A candlelit dinner, flowers and a kiss that never ends.
>A nice restaurant, your favorite dish, a big-ass bouquet of your favorite flowers on the table, the music is right. He makes sure you are totally relaxed, happy and feeling loved.
>He takes you on a vacation to somewhere you two have never been before. It would be a surprise. He'd take you to a beautiful spot, where the sun sets over the horizon, and wait for a perfect moment.
>A trip to a cozy little mountainside cottage where a fire burns in the hearth, to help keep the chill away.
>The most romantic place imaginable, like by a volcano in Iceland, or at a beautiful overlook somewhere… Maybe on top of a tall mountain in Mongolia, overlooking the Mongolian steppe. Something amazing like that.
>In the middle of desert, when the stars are out, and it's all quiet and dark. Just you and him.
>Or he can just say it to you holding you in your bed.
~Of course, the ring is expensive. Even if you don't care about things like that, Graves just wants to show how important you are for him. The most perfect ring for you, something that fits your personality, something you'll love for sure. A special kind of ring that makes you feel like the luckiest girl on Earth. A ring that puts a twinkle in your eye and puts the biggest smile on your face whenever you would look at it. The ring screams, "He wants you to be his".~
So finally, Graves looks you straight in the eyes, takes your hand. You feel like you are the center of his universe. He holds you tight and he says:
Transcript:
Alright, baby. I stand before ya with a proposition so heartfelt, it could cause the devil hisself to tremblee.
Ever since I first laid eyes on ya, I knew ya were somethin' special. There's just somethin' 'bout ya that makes me feel right at home. Mah heart has been yours since the moment we met. Yer laughter, yer smile, yer touch, and yer love, they've given me a sense of purpose that's beyond measure. Darlin', when I say I love ya, I mean it with every bone in mah body. Ya are the most beautiful soul I've ever laid eyes on.
When I'm with ya, I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's like all the pain, all the sufferin', all the heartache jest washes away like it never existed. I've fought some of the toughest battles imaginable, but they pales in comparison to the battles I've fought without ya by mah side, baby. Ah've seen the world and all its ways, and I've come to realize there's no one else who makes me feel the way ya do, sugar. Every single day with ya makes me feel like I'm truly alive, for real… Ya complete me, darlin'.
Now, listen here, love. It's high time we made this thing official. There ain't no one else in this world fer me but you. Mah heart belongs to you and only you. I found ya, I wanna keep ya, so… Will ya marry me, baby?
No, you know what? You and me? We're gonna get married, sweatheart. And that's not a question, that's a fact. I found ya, you found me. Let's commit, let's grow old together. You know I ain't bullshittin', right? 'Cause I gotcha and I ain't never gonna let ya go.. I see it in ya, I seen it since the first time we met. You and I knew this was gonna happen, ya know? I wanna be yer protector, yer shoulder to lean on, and yer biggest champion. Whatcha think 'bout that, darlin'? Let's face whatever the future holds together, as partners, as lovers, and as a team. I love ya, baby.
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BONUS for gals who are into this. That was NOT my idea haha. I'm sorry.
Transcript:
Hell yeah, I'm serious. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanna put a ring on that finger, swetheart. And a baby… A couple of babies… A whole mess of babies in yer belly… And when we're married, ya can call me Daddy. How's that sound, darlin'? Let's do it. Or I'll be very sad. Like really, really sad.
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This beautiful thing by @bellgraves inspired this.
For you, sweetheart.💖
#That one was oh so hard to make on oh so many levels 🙈#Three or four days#I don't remember#I cringed#but I'll never admit it haha#I need to sleep now#Call of Duty#Phillip Graves#COD#Graves COD#MW2#MW3#RVC AI
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Three hundred miles under the big sky, Red Lodge to Miles City and then out of Montana to Bowman. Gas at a dingy co-op, half garage and half store. Sam sits on the trunk waiting for the nozzle to click and watches Dean go to the payphone by the dusty propane display, watches him dial. Give whatever performance he feels like. His shoulders hunched up under his coat. Not that cold today but he's still wearing it.
Sam stretches his sneakers out in the gravel. Another car pulls in by the store. Older lady, hair a flash of silver when the afternoon sun gleams over it, giving Dean a weird look that he returns with a broad screw you smile when he comes back from the phone. No wonder. His face is all over bruises, like someone used him as a punching bag. Not far off.
"They going to get him?" Sam says. He takes the Coke when Dean hands it over. Glass bottles, what a time warp.
Dean finishes swigging down half of his own bottle, burps contentedly. "Cops'll find Gordon sitting in his own stank," he says, ignoring Sam's wrinkled nose. He lifts a shoulder. "Or he got out, and they'll find whatever's left in that creepy house. Blood and all. We should've left him to stew longer."
Sam drags his thumb over the glass rim before he takes a sip. Sharp caramel, freezing cold. He can't imagine Gordon getting caught. Too competent, too—vicious, effective. Sam resented the comparison to Dad but it wasn't—all that far off. Except where it really mattered.
"Just glad we don't have to deal with it," Sam says. Dean half-nods. Looking off into nothing, rubbing the edge of his cut lip. Somewhere else. "What?"
The nozzle clicks. Dean blinks. Hands his bottle to Sam and deals with the pump while Sam spins the gas cap back into place. He expects Dean to come back around to the driver side but he sits on the trunk next to Sam, instead, stretches his boots out to match Sam, his face pointed vaguely at the store but his eyes—three hundred miles in the rearview? Or further?
"Wasn't—a replacement," Dean says. Sam has no idea what he means, until he does. He bites the inside of his cheek. Dean glances at him to make sure he follows and then dips his chin, looks at the tips of his boots instead. "That wasn't it. Don't wanna get in a fight. But you—?"
"I get it," Sam says. Which is true, kinda. He half-wishes he hadn't said anything except that at least that fight had gotten Dean to crack, at least a little, from this awful manic fakery he's been dealing with, ever since they left the hospital with a body they had to burn and the weight of the world no lighter.
Dean nods, still staring at his boots. He shoves his hands into his coat pockets. Sam isn't sure Dean got it, particularly. How something could be a substitute not for the physical fact but for the feeling. There was no replacing Dad, not at all, but what Dad meant, that fog of expectations and received wisdom and a way of looking at the world, black and white, right and wrong—but then, Gordon wasn't that, quite, either. No matter how much Sam had strained against and fought with and sometimes hated their dad, he never, ever suspected him of—
"I don't know how he could do that," Dean says. Like it's pushing past some thickness, shoved out of his throat. "His sister. How could he."
"I mean, I messed up your Stones tape back in Milwaukee and you said you were going to kill me," Sam tries, but Dean just closes his eyes, a muscle in his jaw flexing. He licks his lips, drags his heels in. "I don't know. Drove him crazy, I guess. Couldn't see past the monster stuff to what mattered, you know?"
Dean shakes his head, drags a hand over his face. Flinches because he caught his bruises, the idiot. Sam transfers both Coke bottles to one hand and catches Dean's wrist, pulls it down, and Dean huffs and then looks at him sideways. God, he's tired. Sam looks at the store, through the grimed glass windows—the old lady's with the clerk at the counter, and no one else is around—and he takes the opportunity he wishes he'd had earlier and pulls Dean closer and kisses him. Very careful, closed-lipped against the hurt mouth. Dean's lips part anyway and there's the smell of Coke and the smell of blood and Sam breathes deep and then pulls back. Dean's eyes wide like that was the last thing he expected. Where has he been, Sam thinks, but he thinks it very fondly, and then he thinks that, god, he needs sleep, too. Ten straight hours preferably, in a motel room with blackout shades, his body plastered against Dean's and the two of them waking together. Knowing what matters.
Dean licks his lower lip. Looking like maybe he wants the same thing, or at least something close enough they can compromise. "Give me my Coke back," he says. Pink-eared. Sam smiles at him and carries both over to the passenger seat, with Dean bitching about, hey, who bought what for who, squatters rights ain't it. And so on. The day's bright, and brighter. The sky huge. Dean reaches over and steals Sam's bottle while they're pulling back out onto the highway and almost crashes the car, sets Sam laughing enough that he snorts Coke out his nose. "Can't take you anywhere," Dean says, affecting dignity. No, Sam thinks. He's nothing at all like Gordon.
#happy wincest wednesday#my writing#ww lottery#a random ficlet for episode 25#when you think about what john told dean in 2.01#it's honestly a surprise dean didn't behead gordon right then#happily sam takes his own revenge#also coke out your nose HURTS do not recommend
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Thick Water
The creature had come to pass, losing interest as it no longer sees the two monkeys, with a monstrous huff it turned and left. The dark and light furred simians sighed in relief.
They were only just having a 'friendly' sparring to see who was stronger without their magic present. And to manys surprise it had been Macaque that had the upper hand the entire time, seeing as he had to rely on anything and give everything simply because he wasn't immortal unlike a certain hero we all know and heard of.
The entire time they were exchanging hits, wukong's chest would get heavier. Gasping for more air, he didn't like that they were fighting...he didn't-
With a quick roundhouse kick to the cheek wukong flies across the field, macaque was fully aware that the golden monkey was losing focus, but he knew he could take a hit.
Jogging over, macaque notices that wukong was taking his time getting up. He huffs as he takes a few steps close, casting a shadow over the monkey on the ground.
"Looks like someone's been slacking off" with a smirk plastered on his face, macaque took the sight of wukong slowly getting angry in, like a sweet bowl of warm soup during a winter storm.
Wukong clicked his tounge and wiped his cheek, "psh. Lucky hit"
Macaque, who was contented with just this small interaction reached his hand out and noticed the other monkey's was a littlw off, macaque had a bad feeling about this but he'll just play it off.
"Gehe, what? Have you become a neat freak ever since i dissapeared? After all i was the one who had to clean up our mess after every fight haha"
He still kept his hand out, really hoping it isn't what he thinks is running in the golden monkey's head.
Sun wukong chuckled but moved mac's hand away to stand for himself.
"..."
Then came a burst of power and force through a mountain, a creature of big stature had appeared! Already smelling the fresh blood and warm bodies across it, it rampages towards them.
The two simians didn't stand to stare, no, they tucked their tail and ran!
With that encounter it lead us here- behind a mountain's waferfalls.
"What was that thing?" Whispered macaque to wukong.
"Dunno but best we stay here till we get our strength back"
Macaque leaned himself on the wall and crossed his arms, keeping his eyes on wukong.
"You're already tired? Heh. I didnt expect the great sage to burn out so quickly! So if you take off all that power and this is what's left? That's way too sad HAHAHAHA"
"..."
No response, shit. Macaque didn't like this feeling, if it goes on any longer it may just bring back some old wounds. Irritated he walks over to wukong and reached for his shoulder only for his hand to get smacked away.
"Wha- dude! What is your deal?!"
"What do you mean what's my deal? Is it so bad that I just don't wanna get touched by YOU of all people"
Looking straight into each other's eyes, tension began to build up, just enough to rile macaque.
"Oho yeah? Whatever happend to team building huh? Isnt this what you wanted when you invited me to do this stupid trial with you?!"
Walking up closer to the self proclaimed great sage,
"you- who once was so self centered-
SHOVE
Once was SO stubbornly determined for power-
SHOVE
oNCE HAD TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING FOR EVERYTHING-"
BANG
Wukong, whose back was now against the cave's crooked walls was towered by an angry monkey, the build up from every word partnered with the shoves, He wanted to retaliate hE WANTED TO! He needed to protect himself! But....something was telling him to let this other monkey do as he pleases..
Macaque whispers into wukong's ear,
"-is becoming even more shameless the more time flies.."
Surprised, wukong who had still kept eye contact with the simian tries to fix his posture whilst saying,
"What are you trying to-"
Intervened with not just a voice he was long familiar to, every word that came out of the black monkey's mouth bled intentions.
"You let yourself suffer for happiness you couldn't hold onto for thousands of years, even if happiness was to present itself in sweet ripened peaches you'll somehow manage to spoil that one too. "
Wukong tries to push macaque away, but the moment his palms touched the other's bare chest, he could feel from his fingertips to his wrist the sensation of warmth and static.
He didn't let these feelings fester for long as wukong immedietly retreated his hands.
"Heh. See?"
So much was building inside the golden monkey's head, it was all eating him up. His eyes start to fog from the tears that were carassing his face.
"Good things don't last-" he says as he looks away from the monkey still towering over him.
"You'd know that if your life was full of it.."
Silence filled that brief moment up until macaque broke it.
"So all those times....you took yourself forgranted when it came to the two of us?"
Wukong once again stares into the other's golden eyes, anticipating what else this one had to say.
"We had all realms shaking in the palm of our hands, but peaches, nothing could beat the seconds of just smiling with you"
Wukong hadn't expected the other simian to say anything close to what he had just said! He knows macaque was one for arts but to be ...tHIS???!!
On the other hand, Macaque's fear came true, all feelings that were burried had resurfaced, damn this....why does old love have to burn out the slowest? Damn it all , bringing himself close to wukong's lips he says,
"Be more thorough with being selfish with happiness idiot and stop telling yourself that you don't want this-"
The sounds of water crashing down onto the rocks could hide away any snapping bones and breaking limbs- yet none of what was expected had happened, a trembling voice was all to be heard.
As the dark simian towered over the golden monkey- he says;
#lmk #monkiekid #shadowpeach https://t.co/0rELsvHSVS
#lego monkie kid#macaque#sun wukong#shadowpeach#six eared macaque#monkey king#shadow peaches#shadowpeaches#shadow peach#fanart#story#fanfic#miniseries
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A Guide to Works by JustABigOldNerd
I saw @hypnostheory do this and I have 38 (holy shit!) works in the TMFU Fandom on Ao3, so I wanted to as well!
"I wanna read somethings soft and sweet" Okay! I don't have a lot, but:
Kintsukuroi - Set in the Winged Spies universe, Solo catches up with an old friend
I'm Going to the Stars Tonight - Playful (and drunk) winged spies
In Summer We Can Taste The Rain - Solo catches a winged Illya preening in the rain
Ravens Love The Snow - A winged Solo can't resist the call of the snow
A Christmas Peril - A Christmas fic!
Surrender Yourself - a funny little pre-slash ficlet based on a writing prompt found here
I Want To Fade Away With You - Modern-ish AU company paintball tournament goes (hilariously) wrong
In The Moonlight, We Let It Go - Poolside confessions
"I'd like some light angst, nothing too serious, please" Gotcha covered:
One More or One Less (Nobody's Worried) - Winged Spies canon rewrite
The Toil of Expectations - Medieval AU with a happy ending and a couple of explicit smut scenes
"Q" Is For Kid - the trio accidentally acquire a child on their mission to stop a Nazi faction from developing a nerve gas
To Grow Old In Simplicity - this is mostly happy, the angst comes from the fear of outliving your partners and the struggles that come with being an aging (former) spy
The Moment I Knew I'd No Choice But To Love You - the agnst in this one is more memory related
Is That The Kinda Way To Face The Burning Heat? - porn with a little bit of angsty backstory
Nothin' But The Water And The Sunrise Now - light angsty backstory with some fun NOS-induced moments and a happy ending
All Eyes On Me (Your Eyes On Me) - this one's a bit heavier, but the angst is just internalized homophobia and Illya not wanting to be a honeypot but needing to. Has masturbation and explicit smut
I Am Scared Of Nothing - religious trauma
A Rather Frightening Thing - religious trauma
As Sharp And Serious As A Pistol In The Eye - canon rewrite (explicit smut)
It Takes Three To Tango - post-canon
"Alright, now I want the heavy stuff. Gimme the angst!" Coming right up, my friend!!
Emotional Angst:
You Had To Be A Big Shot, Didn't You (You Had To Open Up Your Mouth) - Winged Solo backstory
My Wings Have Been So Denied - Winged Illya as a child
She'll Tell You She's an Orphan After You Meet Her Family - Winged Gaby grieving (explicit smut)
You Take Me In Your Arms When Walls Are Closing In - Body Horror in (false)memory
Pretty Piece of Flesh - sexual trauma (explicit sexual content)
The Awful Things We Do To Make The Head Go Quiet - near suicide attempt
Lost On You - internalized homophobia and period typical homophobia
Physical Harm:
Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love (Falling From You Drop By Drop) - Alternative ending where Illya shoots Solo (he lives)
Let Me Be Your Own Icarian Carrion - Winged Spies, Illya goes down in the water
One Deep Breath Out From The Sky - Missing scene fic after the motorcycle crash
Whumptober 2023 - "The Man From Uncle (2015)" - I mean. This is Whumptober. So.
Will You Remember All The Danger We Came From? - Vampire Illya prequel. Body Horror.
All My Love And Terror Balanced There - Illya wakes up as a Vampire. (Explicit smut)
I'd Block The Sun (If You Want It Done) - the trio's plane goes down in the middle of the ocean and they have to survive on a deserted island
Grounded And Giving And Darkening Scorn - Illya's past comes back to haunt him
The Injury of Finally Knowing You - 5+1 Times fic
Major Character Death (temporary):
The End Is All I Can See (And It Scares The Hell Out Of Me) - time loop
"I want that one restaurant critic AU that will be updates eventually but hasn't for a while!" Uh, oddly specific, and thank you for wanting to read this unfinished fic, and I WILL finish it eventually, but, uh, here ya go!:
Michelin Star Spy - Illya is a food critic swept up in spydom.
#tmfu#the man from uncle#illya kuryakin#napoleon solo#gaby teller#tmfu movie#napollya#gallya#illya x napoleon x gaby#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3
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Wicked Games V
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader (Avenger)
Word Count: 5.1K
Warnings: This is a 18+ series, MDI, mentions of cheating, swearing, angst and mending relationships.
A/N: This is the final part!! I know this took me a very long time, but this fic has been a big journey for me and I wanted to make sure I was happy with this before I posted it and I am so happy with how it's turned out. I know this ending won't be for everyone but I hope you can still enjoy it!
Dividers by the fantastic @firefly-graphics
Wicked Games Masterlist | Masterlist
You rested your elbows against the fence that surrounded the Wilson’s property. Sunglasses shielding your eyes from the bright, burning sun that beat down onto your face. The light rays were like a warm hug enveloping your senses and preaching serenity to your body.
This was your favourite time of the day, the sun slowly driving down towards the edge of the water, the whole of Louisiana was engulfed in an orange hue. It was beautiful.
You took slow, deep breaths painfully aware that each inhale bought you a second closer to seeing the faces of the family you’d run away from.
You barely noticed Sam as he wandered over, he was so stealthy and your widow senses weren’t on high alert these days. He cleared his throat, capturing your attention and offered you a beer.
You smiled back at him, doing your best to imitate the lies of the sun, you were a picture of serenity on the surface. Underneath your heart was beating erratically in your chest, you were a mess.
You took the beer in your shaky hand and sipped it slowly, the cool condensation encased your palm mingling with the warm beads of sweat that dripped from your pores.
The sun slipped further down its slide, the end of the afternoon drawing to a close, taking you forced calmness with it.
Sam watched you silently, his eyes flickering between you and the water. A million questions teetered on the tip of his tongue but he was unwilling to disturb your peace, so he remained silent.
“You’re doing that thing again.” You pointed out with your eyes still firmly closed and a playful smirk resting on your lips.
“Doing what?” He laughed, taking another sip of his beer.
“Looking at me as if I’m about to shatter into a million pieces.” You stared straight into his brown eyes, quirking your eyebrow at him. “Just ask what you wanna ask.”
“I don’t like that you know me that well, Buttercup.” He scoffed, allowing a beat to pass before he opened his mouth again. “You ready for tonight?”
A humourless laugh slipped past your lips, “not even slightly.” You shook your head, feeling the anxiety rise within you. “But it’s too late to turn back now and uninvite everyone. Right?”
Sam’s laugh was drowned out immediately by the whooshing sound of quinjet landing. The gentle summer breeze transformed into a thrashing gust of wind that threatened to blow everything away. Your question was answered in a way he never could have.
Sam offered you a sympathetic smile, resting his hand over yours he squeezed it gently. “I’m gonna go say hi, come over when you’re ready.”
You nodded, watching as he walked over the group of Avengers that filled off the jet one by one. It was like watching your old life through the looking glass, what it would have been like if you’d never been a part of the team.
Seeing them now reminded you of all the good amongst the overwhelming bad and you missed every one of them.
You watched as they unloaded mountains of stuff from the quin jet and into the house, they were staying for one night and brought enough provisions for a month long stay. It had Steve’s name all over it.
You wanted to help, to catch up but fear kept your feet rooted in the ground, the long strings of green grass tied knots over your shoes.
Your eyes found Steve first, looking handsome and chiselled, just as perfect looking as always. He looked almost exactly the same as the last time you’d seen him, only now there was no anger and shame etched into his features.
Bucky was only a few steps behind his friend, moving gingerly as he carried two bulky bags off the jet and over to the house.
He looked different, he’d cut his hair since the last time you’d seen him. He stood a lot taller, more proud to be in the room than before.
Your heart stopped when his eyes flickered over into your direction, he offered you a friendly smile before disappearing into Sarah’s house. You smiled back at him but he had already moved away, he missed it.
Seeing his face, seeing no signs of anger or malice in his features calmed your senses. You were certain now, you could make it through this evening.
After all, you’d come so far since the last time you’d seen everyone. Two years away from everything had allowed you to grow, to become your own person.
That had been your intention when you’d moved to New York, but being with Bucky and living in your respective trauma’s had gotten in your way. You couldn’t move on when you were too wrapped up in pain and familiarity.
The time and space from him and the city gave you the tools to let go and move on.
There was something special about Delacroux. The quiet, muggy air was more breathable than the dusty smog that blanketed New York. The laid back, tight knit community welcomed you in with open arms, their kindness kept you here way longer than you’d originally intended.
The night that Sam had brought you to his childhood home, you’d been a complete wreck, body trembling as you sobbed quietly into the suit jacket he’d laid over your shoulders.
You barely remember anything about the flight from New York to Louisiana, your mind had shut down, shame consumed you in every possible way.
He led you softly from the jet to the house, the light drizzle in the air clung to your body. He didn’t knock, just unlocked the door and pushed you over the threshold in the most gentle way.
His sister descended down the stairs with a basket of clothes in her hands. You could feel her eyes on you, scanning over the crumpled red dress hanging on your body, you ruined hair and make up, no shoes on your feet.
You were an absolute mess and you knew it.
You kept your eyes glued to the floor, you thought if you looked her in the eyes she’d know the ugly truth, about all the horrible things you’d done in your life and kick you out.
You couldn’t bear to see another person look at you the way that Steve had in the lab.
She and Sam remained silent for the longest time, sharing a wordless conversation between their brown eyes.
“Your room is already made up for next week.” She uttered softly, stepping out of the way and Sam led you upstairs. You muttered a soft, broken thank you as you passed her by.
You showered and changed into some of the comfy clothes you’d managed to stuff into your bag as you made your escape. You sat down on the bed with a soft huff, the weight of the evening dragging you down.
A few tears slipped from your eyes just as Sam knocked the door and entered the room with a steaming cup of herbal tea.
“Thought you could use something to calm your nerves a little bit, let me know if you’d prefer something stronger, I got a bottle of Louisiana’s best bourbon downstairs too.”
A small laugh escaped your lungs, you managed to muster a small smile for the first time in hours. “This will do, thank you.”
He placed the mug on the bedside table and sat down next to you, the single bed dipped under his weight. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders as tears rolled down your cheeks.
Sam scrambled for a way to distract you. “You know, you’re the first girl that has ever seen this room.”
You looked up at him in disbelief, “you’re lying!”
“Nope. My mom had a strict no girls in the bedroom policy, she was terrified of being a young grandma.”
Your bleary eyes scanned around the room and sighed softly, your heartbeat slowly down, breathing becoming more controlled.
“Well I’m honoured to be the first girl in here, although I’m sure you imagined this moment going a bit differently.” You murmured, bringing the mug of tea to your lips and sipping the hot liquid.
“Not a chance, this is exactly how I imagined it would go.” He flashed you his signature smile as you crawled backwards, resting your back against the wall. The sound of light rain hitting the window seal soothed your sad mind.
“Sarah said you can stay here as long as you need.”
“Thank you.” You whispered, the uncertainty evident in the barely audible words.
“Look, I know you won’t be planning on sticking around longer than a few days, but just consider staying the week.” He turned to face you, “the people are welcoming and don’t pry into people’s lives. I’ll be back at the end of the week for my nephew’s birthday.”
“I’ll stay for a little while, I promise.” You nodded, too exhausted to think of anything except sleep.
“Good. I gotta get back to New York.”
“I know.” Your lips wobbled, the thought of being left alone now felt like the scariest thing in the world.
Sam noticed the way the change in your demeanour and signalled for you to his open arms. You settled into his arms, head resting on his shoulder as he ran his hands up and down your back softly.
“I know this feels bad right now Buttercup, but you’ve fought off worse than a broken heart. You’re the strongest person I know, you’re gonna get through this.”
You scoffed, smiling at him. “You liar, we work with gods and super soldiers, I’m not the strongest person you know.”
“I know, but it got a smile outta you and that was the real goal.”
“I’ll see you in a week.”
You stayed the week and when he came back a month later, you were still there.
On his third visit home, you’d begun helping Sarah with the seafood business. You enjoy having a routine again and it was the only way you could help out as she refused to take a penny from you to pay the bills.
After five months you’d begun renting a small place near the docks from Miss Loretta, the town’s matriarch. The house wasn’t anything special, it was a quaint one bedroom house that was in need of some love, but you were given free reign to fix it up and decorate it any way you liked.
You’d begun creating a life yourself, Sarah introduced you to her friend, who in turn became your friends. You loved working on the docks, the hustle and bustle was similar to New York. You’d even started looking after AJ and Cass when Sarah needed a break, not that she’d ever admit she needed it.
It took you nearly a year before you started to work through everything that had happened in New York. The real difference between your life in Delacroux was how much time you spent alone. You could only ignore the issues you’d pushed down for a short time before they forced themselves back up.
You shed so many tears that you could have flooded downstairs. You ruined the furniture that you'd bought for your new house in a fit of anger. You laughed hysterically at how ridiculous everything had become.
You went through every emotion until you were empty, until it finally started to feel better.
And one day, you sat down to write three letters that would never been seen by anyone other than you.
You wrote one for Steve, apologising for leading him on and for what he’d witnessed the night of the party.
You wrote your second letter to Bucky’s girlfriend apologising for the hurt you’d caused her, for taking Bucky away from her and ruining their relationship. For hating her for having him first and still sleeping with him.
The third and final letter you wrote was for Bucky and it was by far the hardest. You poured your heart out onto pages of blank pieces of paper, freeing yourself from all of the hurt you both caused.
It was the hardest thing you’d done, but it allowed you to move on and let go. With every passing day since you wrote the letter you missed him less and less.
You knew you’d always love him, but you weren’t going to allow him and your relationship to hold you back anymore.
You’d been so lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice Steve making his way over to you until he was standing in front of you, smiling down at you.
“Hey, stranger, you weren’t going to come and wish me a Happy Birthday?” He embraced you as though no time had passed, not a single drop of bad blood spilled between you.
“Hi Steve.” You uttered, wrapping your arms around his waist tentatively. “I was just knocking back some liquid courage before I braved it.”
“You don’t need to do that with me, Sweetheart. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
You smiled up at him, staring at him curiously but you didn’t comment on it, moving the conversation on. “I have a little present for you inside.”
“Yeah?”
“Hmm… It’s a tub of old man Wither’s barbecue seasoning, Sam mentioned you loved it.”
“Best present ever.”
A wave of silence washed over the two of you and you cringed looking away from him as the air soured with awkwardness. The elephant in the room stomped its foot loudly against the mud.
“I’m sorry.” You blurted out, wincing as the words left your lips.
“You haven’t got anything to apologise for.” Steve held his hand up to stop you from continuing. “Don’t get me wrong, that night was rough, but it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I spent months projecting my feelings onto you and I think deep down I knew you didn’t feel that way about me.”
“I’m sorry, Steve.” You said again but he shook his head at you.
“Nothing to apologise for, remember, I was in the wrong too, although I have to say I was surprised.”
“It wasn’t the way I intended for that night to go.”
“You or anyone else, I think.” He motioned his head turning in Bucky’s direction. “Everyone misses you, but I have to say Louisiana does look good on you.”
You sighed contently, looking over the plains of water sitting perfectly still as the remains of the sunlight sparkled off the lake. “It’s the most at home I’ve ever felt in my life. I really worked through so much out here in the peace and quiet.”
“Yeah I spent a week out here a few years back and there’s nothing like it. This little town is special.”
“Hmmm. I miss you all too, you know.” you smiled wistfully. “I needed time but I think, I mean I want to come back, if you’ll have me?”
“You never needed to even ask sweetheart, you’ll always have a place in the team. Whenever you’re ready to return, there’ll be a space for you.”
You casted your eyes over the group as they built a bonfire in the middle of the front garden. Sam had started up the barbeque on the front porch as Sarah carried out food from the kitchen.
Everyone was preoccupied setting things up, except for Bucky who was chasing Cass around the bonfire, whilst AJ clung to his back, urging him after his brother.
The whole scene brought a smile to your face, as AJ called your name and waved at you, his other hand firmly choking Bucky’s neck as he held on for dear life. You waved back at him, your eyes tentatively connecting with Bucky’s before you both looked away.
“You gonna talk to him?” Steve pulled you back into the conversation, staring down you with a knowing smile on his face.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“You know when you’re back in New York he’s gonna be there.”
“I know, but I’m just not sure I’m ready to open that can of worms just yet, I’ve worked so hard to get to a place where I’m happy.”
“So has he, he’s worked for the last two years to better himself, he’s a different person now.”
You remained quiet as Steve studied your face, as you chanced another glance in Bucky’s direction. “All that time apart, all the work you’ve done and you’re still head over heels for one another.”
“How could you know that Steve, we’ve not spoken in two years.”
“Don’t try to deny this, Sweetheart.”
“I’m not denying anything.” He offered a pointed look, smirk resting irritatingly on his lips. “Okay I was trying to deny it, but so much has happened, most of it bad. How could we ever move past that?”
“How will you ever know if you can move past it, if you don’t try?” He asked, allowing the question to wash over you before continuing.
“You and Bucky share a deep bond, one that would take a lifetime to move on from. I know what I’m talking about okay.” Steve looked you dead in the eyes, no signs of jest. “Yes that love might burn bright and so intensely, sometimes that means it can’t work out, but there’s a reason you’ve always found a way back to one another, I don’t think you should ignore that.”
“He really told you everything, huh?”
“The whole story.”
You nodded slowly, eyes catching him lying flat in the grass, heavy breaths passing his breath as AJ continued to climb over him.
Sam called everyone over for the first round of food, pulling your gaze from him and you peered up at Steve’s frame and pulled him into another hug, this one significantly less awkward than the last one.
“Thank you, now let’s go celebrate your birthday.”
The conversation you’d shared with Steve stuck with you all evening. It was there as you pushed yourself into the eye of the storm and caught up with everyone.
It was there when you were eating your food and even when you drank a few beers. It sat on your shoulder and whispered the words into your ear over and over.
You hadn’t approached him yet and he never attempted to make the first move. You were terrified if you stepped over the invisible barrier between you, he’d run away and you’d never see him again. You weren’t aware he was feeling the exact same way.
By nine, everyone had split off into their own little groups around the campfire, you were sandwiched between Sam and Wanda, snuggled up under a blanket as you chomped down on an oozing smore.
Bucky sat opposite you with Steve and Natasha, the orange hue of the crackling fire illuminated his soft blue eyes.
Despite the distractions that your friends bought you both, you and Bucky kept exchanging vague glances.
You’ve noticed the change in him, he was open with everyone, chatting and smiling. Steve’s words swirled round in your brain, over and over pushing you to take the plunge and forcing you to think of the last time you’d spoken.
The week that Sam had left you alone with Sarah was one of the worst weeks you’d ever experienced. You hadn’t realised how difficult it would be to mend your broken heart until Sam had left you.
It was a week of sleepless nights, you barely left Sam’s room except to use the bathroom. Sarah silently accepted that you weren’t ready to leave the room and join the three of them for food, so each morning and evening she deposited some food outside the door for you.
By Saturday, you were going stir crazy sitting in the same four walls and you forced yourself into the shower. You changed into a fresh set of clothes and ventured downstairs for the first time since the day you’d arrived.
Sam met you at the bottom of the staircase, a gentle smile adorning his lips. “Good to see you up and about.”
“Just about.” You croaked, offering him a sad smile in return.
They didn’t expect you to join them for the party so you wandered in the woods around the house. You didn’t want to get in their way.
The peaceful sound of Delacroux wrapped around you comfortably, it was a stark contrast to the loud, angry hum of New York city.
Your peaceful walk was interrupted, the sound of a twig snapping under feet closing in on you. You whipped around, heart racing as you scanned the area. You half expected it to be Sam, calling you back to the house, but it wasn't him.
Bucky emerged from behind a tall tree, hands up, waving his white flag before you as his swollen red eyes pleaded for forgiveness
“What are you doing here?” You asked, hating the way your voice cracked as you spoke, the lump in your throat rose, tears glistened in your eyes.
He didn’t answer, looking at you as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Tentatively he took a few steps towards you, but you followed suit and stepped further away.
“How did you find me?” You pleaded, tears slipped down your cheeks.
He hung his head sullenly, “Sam has taken two trips to this place in the last week, I had a feeling as there were no missing jets that he helped you hide. I slipped onto the jet when he wasn’t looking.”
“Why?”
“Because I needed to see you, needed to hear your voice, to convince you to come home.”
“I can’t come back, Bucky.”
“Yes you can and you will.”
“Don’t you need to rush back to your girlfriend.”
“It’s over, for real. I ended it that night and I know I was a coward. I should've ended it sooner. You’re the one for me, you’ve always been it for me.”
You shook your head at him. “No, it's too late. You should’ve done this months ago. It’s too late…”
“No it’s not, you can’t leave us behind.” He strutted towards you, desperate to feel you close to him.
“Us?”
“Alpine has been staying in my room since you left.” He grabbed ahold of your hand. “We need you.”
His words tugged on your heartstrings, his overwhelmingly familiar scent flooded your nostrils as you inched closer to him. You’d been so desperate to feel him for days and now he was stood in front of you, offering everything you’d ever asked of him.
“Please baby, I’m here and I love you.” He whispered as he wrapped his hand around your waist, his metal fingers stroked your cheek, wiping away the stray tears that rolled down your cheeks.
Your eyes fluttered shut, soft stuttered breaths fell from your lips as he continued his pleas. He begged you to give yourself over to him, but you’d already done that years ago.
He leant in close, his lips grazing yours as his nose bumped into yours. You lost yourself all over again, allowing Bucky to consume every part of you as you chased his lips hungrily.
His lips moved against yours, needily exploring your mouth with his tongue as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer.
His fingertips trailed under your shirt, pushing the fabric up and feeling your soft skin against his. He backed you up against the nearest tree trunk, your body thudded against the wood.
The accidental hit you took to your was the wake up call that pulled you from the depths of pleasure. Your heart screamed at you to keep kissing him, your head told you to stop.
You listened to your head and pushed Bucky away from you. “No! This has to stop, it’s not fair. I can’t think clearly when you’re near me.” You cried at him, watching the shock travel over his face.
He opened his mouth to speak but you got there first. “Look, thank you for looking after Alpine. I really appreciate it, but right now I can’t be near you.”
“But-”
“No Bucky! You need to go home, I need to stay here. I need a life that’s not dictated and consumed by thoughts of you, I need to know who I am.”
‘If we ever have a chance of being around each other in the future then I need to move on without you clouding my vision.
‘Neither of us know who we are outside of this toxic relationship, if you can even call it that. It’s why we keep coming back to one another because we don’t know anything different and we keep hurting people. I can’t handle that anymore, it’s killing me.”
Bucky remained silent. He knew you were right, even though he didn’t want to admit it, because he didn't want to give you up.
“Okay, you’re right.” He sighed, closing the gap between you for the final time and wrapping you up in his arms. You hugged him back, knowing it could be for the last time. You knew he’d actually heard you.
“I’ll always love you, please never forget that.” You muttered as you slipped from his strong hold and back towards the house, leaving him behind once again.
He knew you meant what you said, he knew because he would always love you too.
You knew he’d been working on himself just like you had. You could see it and you were so proud of him, just as you were of yourself.
Fireworks erupted over the lake, pulling everyone over to watch them. The whole team filtered over there, except for you. You remained sitting for another moment, watching as Bucky wandered over to the loud display.
He stood tentatively at the edge of the group, keeping as much distance between him and the fireworks. You knew he hated them.
You pulled yourself up, releasing a shaky breath as you made your way over to the group, sneaking up beside him.
“So how’s my cat doing?” You asked softly between two sets of fizzing noises shooting up into the air and erupting into bright pink and blue sparks.
His eyes seemed relieved to find you beside him, easing his tension as he felt the gun shots in his body from every firework that went off.
He smiled at you, “good, probably scaling some building in Brooklyn right now as we speak even though all my windows are locked.”
You laughed loudly, smiling widely at the thought of your cat. “Yeah, Alpine doesn’t really care for locks.”
“Don’t I know it. I just can’t work out how he gets past them.”
“I think it’s easier if you don’t worry about why, you’ll just end up with a headache.”
Bucky could barely hear the fireworks with you stood beside him, he was grateful for the distraction.
You watched him curiously, admiring the immediate changes you could see in him. Two years ago, Bucky would never have considered having an animal near him, now he was raving about your fluffy white cat.
You realised you’d been staring at one another for far too long and cleared your throat. “You wanna go for a walk, get away from the fireworks.” You asked, happy when he nodded and moved down the path towards the woods.
You walked quietly beside one another as your mind raced, trying to find something to say but no words seemed to fit.
“How’ve you been?” Bucky asked, his fingers lightly brushing over yours as his arm swung by his side.
“Good, you?”
“Yeah, good.”
Everything went silent again, the low crack and whizz of the distant fireworks filling the air with tension. You were both terrified to speak again, to burst the friendly bubble.
“I’m thinking of coming back to New York.”
“I’m thinking of getting away from New York for a while.” Bucky said, as you spoke at the same time. “Wait, you’re thinking of coming back?”
“Yeah,” You laughed nervously, “and you’re leaving.”
Bucky scoffed, stopping in his tracks to look down at you. “Well, our timing is perfect as always.”
You tentatively took his hand in yours, running your fingertips over the top side of his hand. “Someone told me very recently that there’s a reason we seem to always find a way back to one another.”
He stepped closer to you, lacing his fingers with yours, “and we can’t ignore that kind of love. Yeah, I got the same talk too, actually it’s all I’ve heard for weeks.”
“That doesn’t really surprise me. Steve’s very persistent when he sets his sights on something.”
“Sam too, honestly they’re insufferable sometimes.” You laughed at him.
“Sooooo where do we go from here?”
Bucky studied your face, stepping closer to you. You were so close to one another, hands intertwined as you stared deeply into each other’s eyes. His Adam's apple strained against his throat as he swallowed a breath.
“I’d like to start over, if you’re willing. Do it properly this time, treat you the way you deserve to be treated.” He breathed shakily as the words slipped past his tongue.
“I’d really like that.” You muttered, closing the distance between you as pressed your lips to his gently. His lips felt like heaven, but this time you had no guilt to weigh you down as your lips met.
You pulled back, “So what’s this trip you’re thinking of taking?” You asked as you wandered off further into the woods. Bucky remained planted in the same spot as his fingers traced over his lips still feeling your lips on his.
“Bucky, you alright?” You asked, turning back to look at him.
His eyes met yours, worry filled you for a second as you thought you may have overstepped. You opened your mouth to speak but he held his hand up to stop you.
“One second.” He uttered, closing the distance between you. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling your body into his and crushed his lips onto yours.
One taste of you had left him a starving man, it was like you’d awoken him from a deep sleep. He’d fixed himself in every way possible, but his life was still missing you, he needed you.
He smiled when he felt you melt into the kiss, moving your lips against his. You clutched his t-shirt between your fingers keeping him close to you. When he pulled away from you, you breathed heavily, smiling at one another.
“I’m not going anywhere without you, baby.” He uttered as he reconnected your lips once again.
Fin.
Tags: @ramp-it-up @delaber @elemenhoepe @theselilwonders @nikole-witha-k @harrysthiccthighss @beminetokeep @leyannrae @lovely-geek @rivers-rambles21 @vicmc624 @wintersplum17 @sydneylaufeyson22 @call-me-doll-face @spaaceprincesss @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @c1nnam0n-g4rl @anth0ny-stark @itsdawnashlie @mkirk12776 @scxrletrecmarvel @tsofo26 @the-dragonsqueen @snugglingbucky @anxiousgirlsarehotter @vanillanaps @ysmmsy @misz-adrii @cjand10 @shezataurus13 @angstysebfan @connie326 @krissy25 @marvelouslyme96 @lethallyprotected
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female!reader#bucky barnes x you#sebastian stan#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#james bucky buchanan barnes#mcu bucky barnes#marvel fan fiction#marvel avengers#summerofsnowflakesfic#wicked games
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Way back when I was just a little bitty bwoy, livin' in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop... You know the place. Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was juuuust PEACHY! Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning, my mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. D'ohhhh, BIG BOWL OF SAUERKRAUT! EVERY SINGLE MORNIN'! It was driving me crazy! I said to my mom, I said "Hey, mom! What's up with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear, sweet mother. She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train, and she leaned right down next to me, and she said... (deep breath) "IT'S GOOD FOR YOOOUUU!!" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old! That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place, where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer, and the towels are oh-so-fluffy! Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel! (inhale) WOCKA WOCKA DOO DOO YEAH! well let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true, because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt. I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize! That's right, a first class one-way ticket - tooo Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Oh yeah. You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before, and I gotta tell ya, it was really great! Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor, and the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time, the flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore, and, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out and we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died!!......Except for me~ You know why? 'Cause I had my tray table up! And my seat back in the full upright position, had my tray table up, And my seat back in the full upright position, had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position! Ahahahaha! Ahahaha. Hahhhhh.... So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage! I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days! ....Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball and my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel! But finally I arrived at the world famous... Albuquerque Holiday Inn! Where the towels are oh-so-fluffy! And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna! It's OK, they're clean! Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C and I turned on the SpectraVision and I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow that I love so very-very-much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door. (BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG) Well now, who could that be? I say "Who is it?" No answer. "Who is it~?" There's no answer! "WHO IS IT!" They're not sayin' anything! So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected: It's some big fat h***********e with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril. Oh man, I hate it when I'm right. So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel, and I'm like "Hey, you can't have that! That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!" And he's like "Tough!" And I'm like "Give it!" And he's like "Make me!" And I'm like, "'Kay!" So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation yesindeedyoubetterbelieveit (WHEEZE) And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook, and twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice. And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said! It said "If you'd like to make a call~ please hang up and try again~ If you need help, hang up and then dial your oooooooperator~ If you'd like to make a call~ please hang up and try again~ If you need help, hang up and then dial your oooooooperator~" In Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel. But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest - I would not sleep for an instant - until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice. But first, I decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop, and I walked on up to the guy behind the counter and he says "Yeeeeeah, whaddaya waaaant?!" (brief but sick guitar solo) I said "You got any glazed donuts?" He said "Nawwww, we're outta glazed donuts!" I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?" He said "Nawwww, we're outta jelly donuts!" I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?" He said "Nawwww, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!" I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?" He said "NAWWWW, WE'RE OUTTA CINNAMON ROLLS!" I said "YOU GOT ANY APPLE FRITTERS?" He said "NAWWWW, WE'RE OUTTA APPLE FRITTERS!" I said "YOU GOT ANY BEAR CLAWS?" He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check." (slightly longer sick guitar solo) "NAAWWWW, WE'RE OUTTA BEAR CLAWS!" I said "Well, in that case.... in that case, what do you have?" He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels." I said "OK, I'll take that." So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out and they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over (HAHNGHNNAsnortHNAGHGNH) oh man, they were just going nuts! They were tearin' me apart! ....You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head. I believe it went a little something like this: D'OHHHHH!! GET EM OFF ME GET EM OFF ME! OHHHHHH! NO GET 'EM OFF GET EM OFF! OH, OH GOD, OH GOD, OHHH GET EM OFF ME, OH OHH GOD, AH AHHHH AHHHHHHH! I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face, wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' like a constipated wiener dog. And as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams. ~Her name was Zelda~. She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches. I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me. She said "Hey - you've got weasels on your face." That's when I knew it was true love! We were inseparable after that. Aww, we ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we got married and we bought us a house and had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly! Oh, we were so very very very happy, awww yeahh. But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me... She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?" I said "Whooooaaaa, hold on now, baby! I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!" So we broke up and I never saw her again, but that's just the way things go - In Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream. That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler! I even made Employee of the Month after I put out that grease fire out with my face. Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that. I was gettin' a lot of attiTOOD. Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil - when I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself! So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just roollllls his eyes and goes "Nooooo, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!" So I did. And then he gets all indignant on me! He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great. How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud! Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what's he complaining about? Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote... This guy comes up to me on the street and he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days! Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein! And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over, and I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?" But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, AAAAARGH, OHHH, AAAGGGH, you know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation. Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know? Anyway, um. ....Um. Where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought... Uh. Well, uh, okay, anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it but... I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is - I. HATE. SAUERKRAUT! That's all I'm really tryin' to say. And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandary, full of loathing and self-doubt and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours... there's still a little place... called Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Alllllllllllllllllllbuquerque! Albuquerque, Albuquerque! Albuquerque, Albuquerque! Albuquerque, Albuquerque! Albuquerque, Albuquerque! I said A (A!) L (L!) B (B!) U (U!).... QUERQUE! (QUERQUEEE!!) Albuquerquealbuquerque albuquerquealbuquerque albuquerquealbuquerque albuquerquealbuquerque albuquerquealbuquerque albuquerquealbuquerque albuquerquealbuquerque albuquerquealbuquerque ALLLLBUQUEEEEERQUEEEEEEEEEEE ........(laughing) (drumsolo) (belch) (final sick guitar solo)
#oh my god i cant believe it let me post this#sorry to anyone who sees this on their dash#long post#weird al shitposting
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🔒I broke into your car to impress you when you locked your keys in and now I have to construct an elaborate lie to explain myself (probably either Rebirth Timsteph or the 1900’s Robin comics??)
Describing it as 1900s isn't wrong but it also makes me feel positively decrepit. Oh dear. But I went with Rebirth, since we know for certain that they did in fact spend a lot of time in a car together. More fodder for this road trip fic I wanna write. One day...
Emoji Prompts for 800 Followers
“I’ll be five minutes.”
“Gotcha.”
“Stretch your legs.”
“Take your keys,” Stephanie urged as she kicked the truck door open. Tim left without another word, already half out the door before he’d even pulled on the handbrake.
It was such a rusted thing that Stephanie could practically see the scattering of paint as she slapped the door closed behind her. The ground was dust and rubble. Getting to grips with where they were in relation to something - anything - was difficult. Nothing but an endless horizon, spliced in half by the road to the side.
They’d been driving for over a day now. One night in a mangy motel that Tim was convinced was committing drug racketeering in room three, but that was neither here nor there. Stephanie had needed a shower and a soft(ish) bed to sleep on.
They’d set off in the early hours, stopping once for breakfast at a drive thru coffee joint. Now it seemed Tim’s wake-up americano had caught up with him.
She leaned down, pressing her forehead to her left shin whilst she stretched the right leg back. The burn felt good. When she corrected herself, she tried to return to the truck, only for the door to not budge. She grunted, pulling once, twice, three times, only for no luck. She peered as best she could through the window, noting to her growing horror that the locking mechanism was up. Craning her neck, she spied the keys still in the ignition.
“Oh. Crud.”
The truck was old, at least twenty years by the time Bruce had granted it to Tim for their ‘trip’ to Ivy University.
They were nowhere near New England. They were somewhere very flat, and overwhelmingly yellow and dusty.
And locked out of the car.
Stephanie looked around frantically for Tim, noting with disdain that he was probably still peeing, blissfully ignorant of his buffoonery.
She snorted, walking to the open back to grab what she needed from her Spoiler suit, only to realize no actually, that wasn’t an option, as the suits were in the backseats. In a locked case. In the locked car.
“Right,” she murmured, hands on hips.
Cunning plan time.
Sun roof.
*****
Tim returned to his truck to find an interesting sight. Stephanie - his beloved girlfriend - was stuck in ceiling of the vehicle. Her legs were all that were visible, kicking like a fish trying to squeeze through a tight hole in the window. Through the back windscreen, he could see her straining for the ignition.
He patted his pockets, ice freezing his chest as he realized why exactly his girlfriend had managed to pry open the glass panel in the roof. It immediately melted, as the idea of teasing her in such a silly position was far too tempting.
Still, it couldn’t have been comfortable.
“Sweetheart?” he called, contrite filling his tone.
“Oh!” she squeaked, body physically jolting. Her legs spasmed. Tim jumped on the bed of the truck, before climbing up to join Stephanie’s legs on the roof. He folded his own legs into a cross, feeling like a kindergartener soaking up the sun.
“Dare I ask?”
There was no hesitancy when she replied, “There was a bug.”
The lie was so obvious, so stupid, that Tim couldn’t help but smile. “A bug?”
“Big bug. Poisonous. Venomous. Deadly. I needed to kill it to protect you.”
“And you got it?”
“Naturally.” Her reply was punctuated by the swinging of her feet. Her left shoe flew off, the black ballet flat tumbled down into the dirt. Her groan, muffled as it was coming from inside the truck, was stifled and yet desperate all the same.
Tim stared at her for a moment, admiring her upside down legs.
“If you smack my butt I’ll kill you in your sleep.”
“Wasn’t even thinking about it,” Tim retorted.
“The threat remains my dearest love.”
She grunted again, and her hips slid further into the truck. Tim sat, quite content to watch as she strained, and strained and strained, until finally, her hips passed through the tight squeeze, and she dropped with a squeak, face planting into the driver’s seat. Her other shoe was lost, taking its place next to Tim’s knee.
The distinct sound of the window locks being pushed down sounded.
Silence ensued.
Tim swallowed, then dared to say, “So if I say I’m sorry”-
“Don’t,” Stephanie snapped as she corrected herself, “try to play nice with me Drake.”
Right. Last name anger. Not easily abated without a source of food nearby.
Tim coughed, then picked up her shoes, joining her inside the truck after slipping off the roof. She snatched the shoes back, slipping them on with a grumble. Her face was red with the exertion.
She turned the keys, flooding the engine in an attempt to start the car. It puttered, and made an odd noise. The couple stared at the dials on the dashboard, and Tim became as red as his girlfriend, albeit for a rather different reason.
Weakly, he began with, “I love you so much -”
Her resulting screech would have shattered glass had she not pressed her hands to her face the moment the rage took her.
Hmm, mused Tim. Perhaps food wouldn’t cut it today.
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Text
Making South Park is a dirty job - at least, if its creators have an say in the matter.
By PAT ST.GERMAIN -- Winnipeg Sun
HOLLYWOOD -- The South Park movie Bigger, Longer And Uncut kicked some serious flaming butt in Hollywood, but now it's time for foul-mouthed third graders Kenny, Stan, Kyle and Eric Cartman to get back to bleepin' TV, m'kay?
Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone say they're burned out after the movie and look forward to resuming their 73-show deal with Comedy Central after a six-week vacation, their first in three years.
"We just wanna get back to the show. I like TV a lot better a lot of times," Stone says. "There's a creative satisfaction to TV because you can just come up with something, do it, put it on the air. With a movie you have to do something for a year, it's really hard to keep your passion up that long."
Parker, a former prom king who's mildly obsessing about his 30th birthday this October, says he and Stone, a lanky 28 year old with a wild, kinky mane and matching attitude, don't have specific plans for the new season, but they're not sweating it.
The crudely animated show, which airs on Global and The Comedy Network on Friday nights in Canada, has only a nine-day production schedule. So far, Parker says comedian Chris Rock is onboard as a guest star in "the new Halloween episode -- he'll probably be a little white guy."
But there probably won't be more evil celebrity characters in monster spoofs like the heinously funny Barbra Streisand Mecha-Streisand episode.
"You know, Barbra's the only celebrity we really despise, so maybe we'll just sort of do that again," Parker says. Babs is apparently widely detested in Parker and Stone's home state of Colorado, first because "she single-handedly ruined Aspen" by turning it into a Hollywood satellite burg, and later because she slammed state politics Parker says she knew nothing about.
A few other Hollywood heavyweights have irritated the creative free spirits lately, but to use a pet phrase, they don't give a ... um, darn.
Their highly publicized battles with the U.S. ratings body had MPAA head Jack Valenti calling the pair liars and "hairballs" in print, a development Stone finds hilarious.
"F--ing great, I love it. I love it 'cause it's like flippin' off the principal and having the principal get mad, you know what I mean? It's like, f-- that guy."
Stone says there's a need for a ratings board, but it's "unnerving" that big studios can get R ratings when independent filmmakers have to take NC-17 ratings for the same product.
"The truth is we were treated extremely different when we were independent filmmakers than when we were doing the studio thing," he says.
After getting an NC-17 on three different cuts of the South Park movie -- in which the U.S. declares war on Canada after American kids see the R-rated Terrance And Phillip movie Asses Of Fire and emulate the flatulent, foul-mouthed Canadian cartoon heroes -- Stone says he blew his stack when he learned it was still rated NC-17 four weeks before it opened.
But a few well-placed calls from Paramount got the film an R rating by the next day.
"We didn't change one frame in the film. It had an NC-17, somebody leaned on them, they gave it an R, which is great for us, and I was totally happy. But when we did independent films like Orgazmo, we didn't have anybody to do that and we just had to f--ing put the movie out -- we had to make the choice, we were either butchering the movie or putting it out NC-17 and killing the movie and we took the latter."
Stone says Paramount executives have asked him and Parker not to talk about the MPAA, but as Cartman might say, he doesn't respect their authoritah -- blasting the ratings system is a matter of principle.
"The only people who can speak up about it are the filmmakers and the artists because no one else is going to because they're all in bed together."
He estimates the movie could have earned another $30 million at the box office as a family film, but he and Parker are glad they stuck to their raunchy guns.
"They wanted to make this PG-13 thing that would make sh--loads of money, you know, and we just wouldn't let them do it," Parker says. "And we pissed people off in the process, but we're proud of ourselves. We're still making a sh--load of money, so f-- 'em.
Stone says he figured early on that Bigger, Longer And Uncut would be their last shot at studio filmmaking, anyway.
"We kinda knew if we didn't hit a home run we were gonna be f--ed. You know, if we just came out with a pretty funny movie?"
"The movie felt like a swan song and it was like, you know how you hear about somebody committing suicide, and they're happy? It was kinda like that. We were like, 'Swan song, f--ing blow it out. I don't f--ing care.'
"This is our one chance and we're gonna go out in our own way, f-- 'em. I mean, we thought this is going to be the last thing we do, everybody's gonna f--ing hate it, and we're done and so let's just do whatever we wanna f--ing do that's gonna make our friends laugh, and f-- 'em."
But the musical -- Parker's "first love" is piano and he has a gift for writing wickedly brilliant show tunes -- turned out to be one of the best movies of the summer, although some critics panned its coarse language and crude subject matter.
"I think Roger Ebert's a pretty smart guy and I respect his reviews, but in his TV show he gave us a thumbs down, which is fine -- if you don't like the movie, fine I don't care," Stone says. "But he was also kinda mad about the content ... and this is the guy who wrote Beneath The Valley Of The Dolls and if you've seen that, I just watched it last week ... and I was like this is the most f--ing depraved smut."
Despite its critics, the subversive movie has won over some new fans of the Terrance and Phillip flip-top head variety.
"Yeah, we've got a whole new Canadian following," Parker laughs."Everyone's response has been really cool. Everyone gets it. The joke is that we wanted to pick somebody who is so similar to us that the joke is, 'Why are we being racist?' And saying they talk different and look different when really they don't much at all."
Stone says the pair may do another TV show, which would likely be animated, and there are "rumblings" about a movie sequel. But the only certainty is that whatever they choose, they'll do it their way.
"For better or worse, we don't have a manager, we don't have a publicist, we don't have a managed image, you know what I mean? We can f--ing do whatever we want," Stone says.
"And sometimes it succeeds and sometimes it totally fails, but we just do what we want, 'cause you know, the times we've done what we want, it turned into South Park, which everyone told us would be a big failure. "If we're gonna lose -- if we're gonna be f--in' losers -- we're just gonnalose our own way."
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Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "It's good for you"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old
That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"Who is it?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said
It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little something like this
Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"
That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude
Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
I said "A" (A)
"L" (L)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"Querque" (querque)
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Source: LyricFind
I AINT READIN ALLAT 😈🙏
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Note
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "It's good for you"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old
That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly ShoreAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"Who is it?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds laterI heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said
It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little something like this
Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my faceWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"
That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude
Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loudBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
I said "A" (A)
"L" (L)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"Querque" (querque)
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Uh, yes
0 notes
Note
"?" (i wanna hear all about potential muses from you! i already love your suns so skfjskfjjd)
Potential Muses?
This was at your own risk....
tl;dr Funtime Freddy, Eclipse, Phone Dude, Withered Bonnie and Michael Afton
Funtime Freddy ××× Frederico Fabel
Frederico is from my College AU verse, a 6'8" 20 year old student at his family's college (pretty much all the Freddys are related one way or another) that focuses on Engineering and Robotics, although he's taken up studying Art and Prop Making instead, as well as Theater. There's a whole Mess of a history when it comes to who should inherit the college, but his parents gave up on Frederico pretty early on because of his Conduct Disorder, which was not properly diagnosed. This also lead to his relationship with his parents being really messy too.
He loves to make dolls and puppets, as well as more intricate work (think Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors), and in every manner that he presents himself, he's a jolly jokester who loves a good pun, always dressing up in pink and generally most know him as a big softie.
He did stab his childhood friend's bully to death and then hid the body that one time though... and in his friend group, the Fun Gang, he tends to be very aggressive about getting his way. He'll do it with a smile of course, but he Loathes not being in charge.
Why I don't write him: At this point he's so much his own character that I worry I'd alienate people with him. He's also a Very dominating presence, and it's easy to do that in a small private server, I think about him daily though...
Eclipse ××× Umbra
Umbra is an orphan that's been struggling through the foster care system their whole life, and because of various trauma and just... awful awful experiences, it's left them with crippling social anxiety and phobia.
They're a hikkikomori, they do Not leave their room under any circumstances, this will give them severe panic attacks. They're very slow to open up to people and even slower to actually meet them in person, and once they do, it's a long process to even be able to get past their door.
Other than that, Umbra is a twitch streamer and is known for their game breaking speedruns, glitching through stages with ease while cursing like a sailor. People love seeing them do their work, but also love it when they get absolutely Furious on their twitch streams and chews out their entire team in whatever game they're playing. Umbra is an asshole, and we love that for them.
Why I don't write them: I've actually considered it... again they're such an OC at this point, I could maybe see them being a part of a multimuse, but then who'd read everything about the verse idk... I'd love to write Umbra though, I love this little shit
Phone Dude ××× Dylan
It's Phone Dude man. Outside the college verse, Dylan is just a dude who really wanted to create his own horror attraction, he loooooves horror movies and has quite the artistic eye for making props and even engineering, and Freddy's checks all those boxes. He's made some sick shit bro, and have recorded some movies for his YouTube that really kicked off.
Idk what to add... in college verse he studies Film and Art, he is known to make some gnarly stuff for the theater crew. He's as dumb as a rock and loves the devil's lettuce.
Why I don't write him: I can't answer that. I should probably write h
Withered Bonnie ××× Wilt Grimm
The lad to the right
A blind mortician that focuses more on grief counseling and funeral planning than the practise for quite obvious reasons. That's not to say that he isn't incredibly skilled at what he does, but the limitations can't really be ignored.
Wilt lost his eyesight and left arm in a fire when he was just a teenager, and gained severe burns all across his body with it. The incident was life changing to him, since he had been at a house party when it happened. He lost all his classmates that day, and he couldn't understand why he was special in any way for surviving. This lead him to study to become a mortician, because he wanted to help all those who grieve the loss of their loved ones in whatever way he can.
Why I don't write him: Again, he's such an OC.... also this is some heavy stuff I gotta carefully think about making public
Michael Afton
My Michael is. Basically a zombie LMFAO
He's so tired and goal driven, he has his Tasks and he's gonna Do Them, no matter what is in his way. He's not sure how to express emotions anymore, be it because he got dun scooped, or just really fucking traumatised from seeing his brother's skull cave in because of him.
He doesn't feel like he deserves to be happy, or mad, or even sad anymore. He just needs to do what his dad told him to do, but also.. he needs to make things right.
He's an excellent mechanic and can put together, or take apart, whatever you throw at him. He's a little stinky but it's nothing some wunderbaums can't fix, and he's been known to sass every now and then.
Why I'm not writing him: Intimidation. The fear of having to read up on all the lore 10 times over and having somebody tell me I got something wrong xbfbdb, I do love him tho...
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"Man On Fire"
I’m a man on fire
Walking through your street
With one guitar
And two dancing feet
Only one desire
That’s left in me
I want the whole damn world
To come dance with me
Ohhhhhhhh
Come dance with me
Over murder and pain
Come and set you free
Over heartache and shame
I wanna see our bodies burning like the old big sun
I wanna know what we’ve been learning and learning from
Everybody want safety (safety love)
Everybody want comfort (comfort love)
Everybody want certain (certain love)
Everybody but me
I’m a man on fire
Walking down your street
With one guitar
And two dancing feet
Only one desire
That’s left in me
I want the whole damn world
To come and dance with me
(bah bah bah bah bah…)
Yay, yay. Come dance with me
Over heartache and rage
Come set us free
Over panic and strange
I wanna see our bodies burning like the old big sun
I wanna know what we’ve been learning and learning from
Everybody want romance (romance love)
Everybody want safety (safety love)
Everybody want comfort (comfort love)
Everybody but me
I’m a man on fire (he’s a man on fire)
Walking down your street (walking down your street)
With one guitar (With one guitar)
And two dancing feet (two dancing feet)
Only one desire (one desire)
That’s still in me (that’s left in me)
I want the whole damn world (I want the whole damn world)
To come and dance with me (come and dance with me yeahhhhh…)
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Man On Fire - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
I'm a man on fire
Walking down your street
With one guitar and two dancing feet
With one desire left in me
I want the whole damn world to come and dance with me
Come dance with me
Over heartache and rage
Come set us free
Over panic and strange
I wanna see your bodies burning like old big sun
I wanna know what we've been learning and learning from
#music#lyrics#man on fire#fire#father can't you see I'm burning#i wanna see your bodies burning like old big sun#burning#dance#heartache and rage#set us free#depression#anxiety#rage#anger
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Lana Del Rey Songs Categorised
I didn't include a few but that's covers/demos / sorted by vibe/lyrics / there are other versions of this that could be made
Bad Girl - Lana's bad girl songs that make you feel cool af
Scarface
Summer of Sam
Making Out
Put Your Lips Together
Dum Dum
Kinda Outta Luck
Children of the Bad Revolution
Dangerous Girl
Girl That Got Away
Maha Maha
Hangin' Around
Catch and Release
Queen of the Gas Station
Gramma
Smarty
St Tropez
I Learned How To Make Love
Teen Romance
Prom Song (Gone Wrong)
Paris
Puppy Love
Television Heaven
Love
Back To Tha Basics
Brooklyn Baby
Me and My Boyfriend
Sweet Romance - Somewhat gentle and cute romance songs
Starry Eyed
When I'm With You
JFK
Because of You
Daddy Issues
Tulsa Jesus Freak
Bartender
Groupie Love
Lust For Life
Lucky Ones
American
Joshy and I
Dreamgirl
For K Part 2
You Mister
Coca Cola
How Do You Know Me So Well?
Stoplight Delite
Serious Romance - They have a more serious tone but they're genuinely romantic
Yosemite
Swan Song
Cinnamon Girl
Living Legend
True Love - Deep and romantic
Let Me Love You Like A Woman
Young and Beautiful
Life Is Beautiful
Venice Bitch
Love Song
California
Old Money
Off To The Races
Video Games
Never Let Me Go
On Our Way
Heartbreak - Songs for feeling all kinds of sad romantically
Thunder
Hallucinogenics
Fine China
French Restaurant
Hollywood's Dead
Your Band Is All The Rage
Afraid
Some Things Last A Hard Time
Happiness Is A Butterfly
White Mustang
Norman Fucking Rockwell
Terrence Loves You
The Blackest Day
Cruel World
Dark Paradise
Summertime Sadness
Blue Jeans
Pawn Shop Blues
Westbound
Methamphetamines
F You - Aimed for people who kind of suck
Tired of Singing the Blues
Noir
Playground
It's Not You It's Just Me
Damn You
In My Feelings
High By The Beach
Flipside
In The Sun
So Legit
Seduction - Sexual songs generally
Trash Magic
Us Against The World
Marilyn
Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight
Paradise
Playing Dangerous
Behind Closed Doors
You Can Be The Boss
Party Girl
Pussycat Kittycat
BBM Baby
Big Bad Wolf
Be My Daddy
Ooh Baby
Push Me Down
Delicious
Freak
Salvatore
Daddy's Girl
Burning Desire
Mermaid Motel
Yayo
Disco
Hey You
Body Electric
Kill Kill
Jimmy Gnecco
Wolf T-Shirt
Sad Romance - Kind of toxic romance or the darker side of romance
TV In Black and White
I Talk To Jesus
Colour Blue
Put The Radio On
My Best Days
Resistance
Velvet Crowbar
Breaking Up Slowly
Fuck It I Love You
The Next Best American Record
The Greatest
Cherry
Summer Bummer
Tomorrow Never Came
24
Shades of Cool
Black Beauty
Is This Happiness?
Million Dollar Man
Pretty Baby
Drive By
Hey Blue Baby
Greenwich
Hawaiin Tropic
Axl Rose Husband
Butterflies Part 1
Heartshaped Chevrolet
Bellevue
Ben
How To Disappear
Dreamy - Aesthetically pleasing songs sonically, and a lot of Lana's songs are but these stand out the most
Yes To Heaven
Angels Forever Forever Angels
Ave Maria
Wayamaya
Roses Bloom
Honeymoon
Art Deco
Religion
West Coast
Guns and Roses
Bel Air
Cherry Blossom
Dangerous Love - Jealousy and obsession
Your Girl
Is It Wrong?
Jealous Girl
She's Not Me
Serial Killer
Caught You Boy
Roses
Criminal and Gangsta Love - The bad romances
Queen of Disaster
Backfire
Beautiful Player
Crooked Cop
Hundred Dollar Bill
Gangsta Boy
Live or Die
Hit and Run
Ghetto Baby
Every Man Gets His Wish
Live Forever
Bad Boy
Match Made In Heaven
Bops - They're good for bopping
Roll With Me
Motel 6
Florida Kilos
Brite Lites
Diet Mountain Dew
Boom Like That
Starlet - A lot of Lana's songs feature starlets but these are the songs that let her shine as a star
Hollywood
Dynamite
Fake Diamond
A Star For Nick
Radio
Strong - Being the stronger one in the relationship
Lift Your Eyes
Serene Queen
Break My Fall
Big Eyes
I Can Fly
Get Free
Mariner's Apartment Complex
Ride
All You Need
Junky Pride
Move
There's Nothing To Be Sorry About
More Mountains
In Wendy
Wild One
Wait
Weird Vibe - They either sound creepy or just have an unsettling feel
Bentley
C U L8r Alligator
Strangelove
You and Me
Let My Hair Down
Get Drunk
Betty Boop Boop
Jump
Raise Me Up (Mississippi South)
Jesus Is My Boyfriend
Hmm - They could go into other categories but they are songs that have darker, disturbing elements
Baby Blue Love
1949
Roller Derby
Heavy Hitter
Boarding School
Ultraviolence
Lolita
Put Me In A Movie
Sad Girl - Songs with a sad vibe
Last Girl on Earth
All Smiles
Wait For Life
Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have - But I Have It
13 Beaches
Heroin
Music To Watch Boys To
God Knows I Tried
Pretty When You Cry
Carmen
This Is What Makes Us Girls
Without You
Oh Say Can You See
Born To Die
Valley of the Dolls
Stripper - Pure stripper theme
Go Go Dancer
Dance For Money
Midnite Dancer Girlfriend
Other Woman - Pure other woman theme
Other Woman
True Love On The Side
Sad Girl
Cola
Next To Me
Money/Fame/Materialism - Songs that revolve around those three things
Money Power Glory
Fucked My Way Up To The Top
Gods and Monsters
National Anthem
Breaking My Heart
Makes You Think - Deeper songs
Coachella
God Bless America - And All The Beautiful Women In It
When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing
Beautiful People Beautiful Problems
Change
Money Hunny
Looking For America
Songs That Sound Like Diary Entries - More personal tracks
I Must Be Stupid For Being So Happy
My Momma
Wild At Heart
Dark But Just A Game
Not All Who Wander Are Lost
Blizzard
Elvis
White Dress
Aviation
Run Motorcycle
Out With A Bang
Dance Til We Die
Bad Disease
Fordham Road
I Don't Wanna Go
For You
Try Tonight
You're Gonna Love Me
Outliers - They're more happy
Come When You Call Me
Birds of a Feather
Driving In Cars With Boys
#lana del rey#lana del rey songs#lana del rey unreleased#may jailer#lizzy grant#aka lizzy grant#sirens#born to die: the paradise edition#ultraviolence#honeymoon#lust for life#norman fucking rockwell#chemtrails over the country club
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