#i want to hug them so hard all their trauma goes away

[the5n00k]

Character analysis essay: (kind of, it's mostly me just rambling)

The Ghost and Molly McGee and the concept of unconditional love and acceptance

‼️Spoilers ahead for both seasons 1 and 2!‼️

The Ghost and Molly McGee is one of the most special animated tv shows I've ever seen for several reasons but none quite as special to me as this. A ton of shows, especially on Disney channel, boast of their friendships between the main characters and their hijinks they get into but none have quite impacted me like the friendship between the two titular characters Molly and Scratch. I mean when I first watched this series in July after the season 1 finale, I expected to have a brief period of obsession, a few drawings, and then I'd move on. As you can tell by my blog, that did not happen. (For better and for worse)

People dismiss this show because of the more grounded slice of life episodic approach it takes but honestly I feel like that's it's strongest aspect. It allows the characters to have more moments where they can just slow down and connect. There's no urgent threat (save for a few episodes) that needs to be addressed or the world will end. The characters get to talk, react, and grow because of its slower pace. I say slower loosely because this show will also throw jokes at you harder and faster than an automatic tennis ball server but it knows when to take a moment seriously when it needs to. (This is also why season 1 Amphibia is my favorite and y'all can fight me for it.)

Now onto my main point; Molly and Scratch's relationship.

They start out rough. REALLY rough. They're not good for each other in the slightest. Scratch is mean and constantly trying to sabotage Molly and Molly is controlling, dragging Scratch along on her daily tasks even if he expresses how much he does not want to come along. But no matter how terrible they treat each other, there's still a level of care.

Take First Day Frights or The Unnatural for example. Scratch is more than willing to watch Molly fail until he sees her getting picked on, something he's experienced almost every day of his afterlife, possibly his living one too. He has this connection to her early on, he has this empathy. He'd never expressly admit it and he still tries his hardest to make her give up MANY times throughout season 1 either for his own amusement, thinking the effort isn't worth both of their time, or simply because he has to keep Brighton miserable. But seeing her upset always sets something off in him. And while he doesn't verbally admit he cares about her until the season finale, he does eventually acknowledge her as his best friend (although in that instance it was more to spite Libby) and acknowledge himself as part of her family. The most notable episodes that highlight their more stable relationship are season 1, 18-20 (for those unaware, that would be Out of House and Home/Home is Where the Haunt is, Scaring is Caring/All Night Plight, and The Jig is Up/Molly Vs the Ghost World)

Moving onto season 1 Molly now, she was controlling and seemed to enjoy annoying Scratch in almost a sibling-like behavior, poking him, teasing him, playing with his "hair" but the further you get into the series, the less annoying these feel and the more endearing they become. She also begins to respect his boundaries more, summoning him less and kind of letting him do his own thing in the general area while she has her own plot going on. (Goat Your Own Way and gags ... The Internship) And even after the curse is broken, she seems willing to let him move on away from her if that's what he really wants. She's more interested in his happiness now than her own. Letting go of that control is HUGE for her considering how much emphasis she put on him being her first forever friend. She didn't even expose him to Libby until she got his permission. I brought it up once and I'm bringing it up again dammit.

These two broken, mistreated, flawed people who found each other by complete coincidence would do anything and go to the ends of the earth for each other. And they did.

Moving onto season 2 I was terrified they would regress in some way from this. It was such a high note and a perfect end to their arc all throughout season 1, but now there was this new status quo. They were used to each other now. They could feel like completely different characters at this point. But they weren't, in fact they're even better.

They fight, they argue, they disagree on A LOT of things, but at the end of the day they're even more supportive and loving of each other than ever before.

They're not tearing each other down anymore, they're actively building each other up. Making the other a better person. Cheering them on. This even extends to the B characters like Libby and Darryl, they feel like a close-knit family. Even when they argue, the first thing they see when they say each other again is "I'm sorry" which is HUGE for Scratch, acknowledging fault was (and still is to some degree) really hard for him. They love each other no matter what. They've still got their issues, Molly still feels like she needs to burn herself out to make others happy and Scratch is still calloused and mean towards new additions to his social circle but that just makes them feel more authentic. I don't want them to be perfect. Watching them improve yet still struggle with the same issues they had at the start of the series makes them feel so real. For being a show that's mostly episodic with loose continuity, the development its characters go through is so slow burn sometimes you don't even notice it just binging the series. But if you jump back and forth between an early season 1 episode to a late/season 2 episode, it is STAGGERING.

Molly doesn't love Scratch because he stopped being mean. Scratch doesn't love Molly because she stopped being an overbearing ball of energy. They've loved each other in spite of that. They see past these flaws to their source and relate to the feelings they stem from. At their core, Molly and Scratch are exactly the same; social outcasts seemingly doomed to never having lasting connections. They just responded differently to what they had to go through, their two extremes are even similar in some ways with over possessiveness and insecurity. When Scratch was defending himself to Libby, he couldn't even name any of his redeeming qualities. And Molly still thought Scratch wanted to leave her in spite of everything. They're so torn from their experiences and that drives them closer together. I'm tearing up writing this.

They're broken but they're healing. They're best friends forever. One without the other would not be the same person. Although they aren't codependent, they've gotten along fine on solo adventures without the other needing to step in and solve their problem. They're healthy in their toxic behaviors because they call each other out. I don't consider a relationship toxic if there's noticeable improvement and growth. They're mature in their immaturity, their friendship is so simple and sincere. They enjoy each other's company and don't care who knows it. They're weirdos and so is everyone else they're friends with. Save for maybe Geoff. I don't think a single soul hates Geoff. I'm getting off topic but their friendship is something I always wanted.

They know they're broken, they know they're flawed and selfish at times. But they're trying. And that effort is sometimes all that one can ask for. The dream team for all eternity.

#the ghost and molly mcgee #tgamm #tgamm spoilers #character analysis #i cried writing this #legitimately i almost started violently sobbing over these cartoon characters #that's what thinking about their relationship does to me #they're such besties #i hope they never change but also change for the better #if that makes any sense #my poor broken meow meows #i want to hug them so hard all their trauma goes away

[narcissarina]

Darkened Desires

Prologue and Chapter 1: The sun || Chapter 2: The moon || Chapter 3: The moon

Pairings: Mafia!Scaramouche × Barista!Reader

Word count: 1,206

Tw: praise kink, degradation, kidnapping, tourture, dub/non-con, forced breeding, dismembering, gore, deaths, age-gap, corruption, use of force, trauma, use of drugs, stalking, mentions of human trafficking on the near chapters, slowburn.

Warning: This fanfiction may contain kidnapping, torture, dub/non-con, forced breeding, dismembering, age-gap, corruption, vigilante Scaramouche, use of force, trauma, use of drugs, stalking, and more. This fiction will continue grow darker as chapters goes by.

Your mental health matters.

CHAPTER 4:

THE SUN

My mind plays back to the other day, the man with purple hair approaches me and tip me a 100$ with me giving a minimal effort, I didn’t even do anything and what I did isn’t something special, right?

Every now and then I would feel my stomach dropping, like my guts is telling me something but I couldn’t pin point that assumption, is he a dangerous person? I thought to myself, my head full of question and my mind swirling to one point to another.

It makes my head hurt and I want to bang my head against a hard table or wall.

“The fuck are you doing?” I flinched as I got startled from Estrella’s sudden presence—snatching my thoughts away and give my full attention to her, I play out a smile and clasp my hand together, “nothing.” I assured, but she knows that there’s more to it when I’m getting a little twitchy all of a sudden.

“Don’t lie, I know there is something bothering you.” Her soft voice hints deep concern, I sigh and wrap my arm in my head, taking a deep groan and sigh.

I couldn’t escape her, nor could I lie to her. She’s my friend and I love her with all my life. I bit my lips in a thin line and deeply inhale and exhale, “remember those guys in the black expensive tux the other day?”

She nodded, “uh-huh, what about them?”

“They just give me this icky feeling, I don’t know.” I wave my hand and pinch my own cheek, face on the table as I lightly tap my forehead against the harden wood of the table. I wish I could bang my head here as hard and loud as possible, but that would be making me a fool out of myself.

“What kind of feeling?”

“Like, a feeling where you felt like you put yourself in danger type a feeling.”

Estrella nodded, legs crossed and her drink in hand—taking a sip and look at me. Before she could speak, another voice was heard beside us, “Hi!” it was cheerful and full of life, I turn my head and see another one of my friends. I turn up and smiled, standing from my seat and gave her a big warm hug.

“Oh my god, hi to you too!” I greeted her, my hands behind her back as we embrace on a tender hug, “it’s been a while.” She said and sat beside Estrella, “your arrival is the most unexpected too, Vhinella Azmy.”

Vhinella Azmy.

I haven’t heard of her for a long time, it brought a smile to my face when I knew that she’s finally free of her schedule, “well, you know me.” Vhinella spoke in a teasing tone, “schedules been packing and work is a little.” She motion a circle mid-air and made an ick expression, telling how she feels about her work and schedule.

“I heard you guys talking about something, so..” Vhinella starts, legs crossed and shift in her seat at her right, “what happened?” she finally asked, I groan and slam my head yet again on the hard wooden table, causing my friends drink jump a little.

Estrella took a sip and sigh, filling Vhinella in on what happened on the other day and how I felt like someone is watching me, even in my own home. Vhinella had a straight serious face as she listen and process all what Estrella told her.

Silence was loud as Estrella filled her up with the story, their attention and gaze shifted to me. I don’t even want to look at them, I’m at my lowest. If they think they see me, no they don’t. I’m invisible.

Vhinella offered us a ride and go on shopping with her, she says that it’s “her treat” and that she’ll be spoiling us today, she’s a great friend really. Trying to lift up my spirit and gossiping with Estrella, trying to impress me on who has the most juiciest tea to spill.

We went to arcades, shopping malls, pick clothes and buy some little plushies, and before we knew it, it was already 7:45 pm. Estrella excused herself first, grab a cab and went home, Vhinella offered me a ride on my way home but I want to decline, instead—she’ll drop me off somewhere so that I could get some nightly walk.

I got off the car and goes to her car window, she rolled her window down and smiled at me—reaching out to pinch my cheek and gave it a little slap, “be careful, ok?” she hums, her voice deep with concern. I smiled and boop her nose, feeling a little playful.

“I will, don’t worry.” I assured her as she drove away, I watch her car fade away far, far away. My surroundings seem a little empty, but it was common in this neighborhood since it’s now nighttime, fewer cars and people.

This is part is what I love most here, nighttime.

The night is peaceful here, gives me a peace of mind. It oddly relaxes me even though I know that I might get in danger, but I didn’t care. I just want one last walk before going home. Where I live in a butt-fuck nowhere surrounded by trees.

While I was busy humming to myself, I come across an alleyway, it was dark and eerie. I see two silhouettes, one is on the ground and one is standing before that person. Light’s flicker and I saw a good glimpse of two people, to see what they look like. I breath hitches and hit in the corner.

The man from the other day, that was him—standing before a blooded and unmoved man before him,

God damn I knew he screams danger.

Shit, I don’t know what to do. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I should’ve taken Vhinella up to her offer, I’m screwed and fucked.

His head snapped, he felt my presence as I quickly and quietly slam my back against the wall. I stood still for a good few seconds before looking back again, he isn’t there… and so is the dead body.

I am fucked.

A hand reached out behind me, covering my mouth.

I struggled, he pressed me against the cold wall, his front pressing my back, I struggle from his grasp. I wanna scream, cry and fight but no avail. I’m not built like that, I beg him inside my mind—thousand thoughts swirl in my head at the same time. Tears dropping from my cheeks, but he spoke.

“Shh… Atta girl,” his lips almost touching my ear, “should’ve kept walking, tsk.” He said, then I felt him inject something on the crook of my neck while telling degrading praises in my ear.

“be good.”

“stop resisting, or I’ll do worst.”

“Pretty girl, there, there.”

Last words I heard from him as my mind went blank, my head felt heavy and fuzzy and my eyes closing. I tried fighting it off but the urge was too strong to fight off.

“You knew that it should not have come to this.” He said, grinning before carrying me in his arm before fully closing my eyes shut.

I blacked out.

Link:

Chapter 5: THE SUN

#genshin impact #scara x reader #scaramouche smut #scaramouche fanfic #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche #genshin scara #genshin smut #Darkened Desires Series #Mafia!Scaramouche #Mafia!Scara #dark romance #Sorry for posting this late!! #Tysm for enjoying this series😭😭🙏

[d3sertdream3r]

I’ve noticed a lot of rancid takes about Taliesin’s characters that are annoying me, so I’m going to rant for a minute. 

Tal has perfected the art of creating paradoxical characters, and I think a lot of people end up getting lost and confused in the layers. This is not a “if you don't get it, you’re dumb” type of thing. It’s just that I wish people would truly ponder his characters and why they’re the way they are because they’re not the stereotypical protagonists that North American entertainment focuses on. They’re not strictly kind and generous, intelligent and charming, or hateful and arrogant. They’re all of the above. 

A lot of western media features characters that are fairly cut and dry and easy to understand. There isn’t a ton of complexity happening, and from what I’ve seen, the majority of the people hating on his characters and role-play style are from areas where they aren't used to Tal’s type of character. They’re not used to characters having multiple characteristics that seem to contradict each other all at once (even though that’s how people are in real life). I’m guessing that’s part of why they don't like them, but who knows. 

Caduceus is the least paradoxical of his characters, which is why I think most people say he’s their favorite of Tal’s characters. He is the personification of a fluffy blanket and a warm hug. What’s not to love?? Percy, Molly/Kingsley, and Ashton on the other hand, are all much rougher around the edges. The point of them is to provide the opposite of comfort for the audience; they're meant to make people a little uncomfortable. They hold up a mirror to the audience and force us to look at the parts of humanity that we try to avoid. Not the pure evil of mankind that Matt’s villains often show, but something even more sad and hard to swallow. 

Audiences tend to like characters that deal with trauma through humor and/or charm. People benefit from these types of characters by laughing at them or lusting over them. There’s nothing wrong with this by any means; that’s all part of the fun of fandom! However, characters that deal with their trauma in ways that are more raw and painful tend to be disliked. 

Percy is filled with constant fear that his past will haunt his future. He is convinced that wherever he goes, the darkness will follow and the pain awaits. He has horrible nightmares and lives with incessant paranoia, yet faces the deadliest monsters, demons, gods, etc with nothing but his wit and a gun. He can't stop inventing, not just to glorify himself but to protect everyone. He’s so many things at once, which is what makes him so real and complex and fascinating. 

Molly/Kingsley’s story is about wondering who you truly are and not meeting expectations of those you care about. Imagine that you’re not the only one comparing yourself to someone else; all your friends are too. You’re trying to figure out what defines you while feeling like everyone you know wants you to be someone else. His story is also filled with questions about nihilism and whether or not anything truly matters, including identity. 

Ashton represents the endless loneliness of abandonment and feeling like no matter what you do, those you love will never care about you as much as you care about them. He pushes people away and acts like he doesn’t have a care in the world while simultaneously doing everything he can to grip onto his friends. He is jealous of Laudna for the way she died because it showed how loved she was, and how sick is that? To be jealous of someone’s death? To try and force someone to admit that they haven’t gotten over their issues because you can’t accept that it’s possible to overcome yours? What's wrong with you? If it’s possible for people to do that, why can't you? What’s wrong with you? Why is it so hard for you when it seems so easy for others? What’s wrong with you? They represent not just the physical, but the emotional chronic pain that most people don’t have to think about every day. 

I have so much more to say about these amazing characters, but that would take an entire novel. They emotionally bleed all over the place. While they can still be lighthearted and humorous at times, they’re often really messy in various ways. But that doesn’t stop them from being so loving and wonderful at the same time! 

TL;DR, Taliesin’s characters are incredible and I’m so grateful that he is willing to play them in such a raw and real way for those of us that aren’t always funny or charming enough about our trauma to make society like us. 

#I had to get this out of my system #It's so long and I cut so much out #TALIESIN JAFFE I LOVE YOU #critical role #percy de rolo #mollymauk tealeaf #kingsley tealeaf #ashton greymoore #look at my lovely little blorbos #taliesin jaffe #his characters are always my favorite

[stackofpossums]

Could I get a Hc for how the M6 would react to finding out Mc's past is worse than they thought? Like finding the shop is the point their life goes from awful to okay to eventually great. Before then? You can leave it as vague as you'd like.

(I have an Mc who was an executioner/pet similar but different from Muriels executioner/gladiator role being Their scars are from the person in charge and all their opponents were never given a chance. Another Mc who tried to live up to others expectations for him. Eventually forced to leave his home or die at 10 because his sister tried to murder him for a power he didn't even want. My third Mc who had abusive parents and learned from a passing by sparrow that they need to run away to save themselves.

What if before the shop Mc's life was actually horrible? So like to the point they never told anyone, not even Asra. Only telling stories about after they had moved to the shop to live with their aunt.)

I just finished a big assignment so Mc who has a dark past let's go:

Asra: He already knew MC past was dark and was kind of glad they didn't have to remember that when they lost their memories. Then they got their memory back. And oh. OH. He never knew it was this bad. At first, he's a little upset that MC never felt safe enough to confide in him. He quickly realizes, "No, it wasn't him." He's grateful MC chose to confide in him now, and he's going to do everything in his power to support them. He'll hold them and comfort them while they talk if MC is comfortable with that. The salamander has already lit the stove so he can brew some calming tea. Therapy has been scheduled. He is fully committed to helping MC heal as much as possible, mostly out of love, but there's a tiny part of him that feels guilty for not knowing sooner.

Julian: He thought he had it bad. He didn't know it could be this bad. He may be a doctor, but... for quite possibly the first time in his life, he knows he isn't qualified to fix this. He's gonna set MC up with the best mental health care. Until then, he's going to attempt to theraptize them himself. He encourages MC to talk not only about their past but also about how it made them feel, how they're feeling now, what challenges they are having, and anything and everything else they want to share. He's going to respond with hella words of affirmation, making sure MC knows how much he cares about them and that their safe now.

Nadia: Patiently listens to MC's story, no matter how gruesome the details are. She'll hold them tightly when it becomes too much for them to bear. There are no words to describe the hurt she feels for them to her very core. Afterward, she is setting them up with the best mental health support money can buy. Only the best therapists, medications, if MC wants to try them, or anything else. Anything MC thinks will help them is theirs. No expense is too great for her beloved MC. She's pretty venengeful, though. It'll be tough to convince her not to make the lives of anyone who's made MC suffer hell. She'll relent eventually, though, because she's knows if MC doesn't want that, it won't be helpful.

Muriel: Out everyone here, he understands it the most. It's a little hard for him to listen sometimes because he remembers times in his life where he felt just as hopeless as MC. He's here for MC, though, and makes it his mission to make sure MC NEVER feels that way again. He shares the techniques he's found for dealing with trauma, as well as helps MC find what works for them. He pushes them to keep going when he notices they are struggling. He comforts them when it's too much. He celebrates with them for every challenge they overcome, no matter how "small." It's the least he can do for them after everything they've done for him.

Portia: When MC first opens up about their past, their a bit afraid they're going to get squeezed to death by Portia's hugs. She's the other LI mostly likey to try to go after the people's who hurt her precious MC, she solves problems with fists flying. But that's okay. She's sneaky. She's going to make sure anyone who hurt MC wakes up to a fun surprise. Other than that, MC can always count on Portia for a listening ear. She will comfort MC through any story they need to tell and wants to help them find closure however she can.

Lucio: Oh. Oh no. No one gets to hurt his MC. No one. Who shall he defeat in battle for you? That won't help? Oh... well... what can he do? Lucio would do ANYTHING to make things better for MC. Just say the word. Hugs, he's here. No hugs? That's fine, too. He's here to listen. He knows a thing or two about unpleasant pasts. But you have each other now. MC has had his back despite everything he's done. It would be criminal not to do the same.

#lissy's headcanons #lissy answers #I hope you like pain #the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana asra #asra alnazar #the arcana julian #julian devorak #the arcana nadia #nadia satrinava #the arcana muriel #the arcana portia #portia devorak #the arcana lucio #lucio morgasson

[sehtoast]

The Blanket (Homelander x OC)

800 words | depowered homelander, memories of trauma, angst, hurt/comfort, nightmare mentions, crying bed snuggles | Fic Directory

“What the fuck is that?” 

He stands there, stock still and shocked, staring at the bagged bundle of fabric being held out to him. Homelander knows exactly what it is. But he can't… he can't believe it. 

“Where the fuck did you get that?” He grits. Why would Ben do this? Why? Why remind him? 

“It was in the prop archives. I thought you might want it…” Benjamin's excited demeanor fades and he pulls the bag a little closer to himself. This isn't the first time he's smuggled pieces of Homelander-y memorabilia home, but he's never gotten a reaction like this before. “I can put it ba–” 

Homelander all but swipes it out of his hands. “D'you have any idea– do you even know where this came from?” He hisses. Touching it barehanded was so much worse. 

It made it real. It always makes it real. 

He doesn't bother looking up at Benjamin shaking his head. Of course he wouldn't know. John grips the blue blanket in his hands as hard as he can. So familiar and so fucking painful… 

“Was mine in the lab,” he mumbles unwillingly. Didn't even want to say it, but he knew he should.. He can practically hear Ben's regret settle in. 

“Shit, Johnny, I–” Ben begins, but Homelander cuts him off. 

“It was supposed to have been thrown out years ago… Those fuckwits kept it!” He shakes it in his hand with a fury. He drags the other through his shaggy dark hair to self-soothe, but it does nothing for him. Homelander chucks the blanket onto the couch bitterly and storms back to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him to leave Benjamin, regretful and saddened, to think about what he did. 

The bug gives him time before daring to follow. The door creaks a bit, but the lump under the mountain of blankets barely moves. 

This is how he runs away these days. Once upon a time, he'd simply propel himself into the sky and fly anywhere else. He can't do that anymore, though, so he hides. Goes to the place he feels safest. 

The muffled sniffle doesn't escape Ben's notice as he crawls in beside him, slipping under the blankets and pulling them over his own head, too. 

He slings an arm under John's and rests his hand on the opposite shoulder, pulling him flush against his chest. Homelander clings to his arm, anchoring himself as he suppresses his cries. 

“I'm so, so sorry, pumpkin…” Ben coos. He plants a kiss to the nape of Homelander's neck. 

“All that bullshit– all that fucking bullshit, and what was it even for?” John whispers tightly. “Least when I was me, it was worth something…”

Ben doesn't know what to say. Maybe, though, that was best. Maybe the only thing Benjamin needed to do was hold him close and be there. 

He hugs him tight. Lets him sniffle and cry and let it all out. So many times now, John has told him that he’s reconciled with his childhood. So many times, Homelander has sworn up and down that he's accepted it and it doesn't bother him anymore. The cruel reality, though, was that there would always be times when it bites him anyway. Flashes of memories, itches on his skin that remind him of shattered scalpels and diamond-tipped syringes. Tight spaces that reawakened the little boy locked in a box. 

That trauma would always be part of him. He's grown around it, but it catches up every so often. 

Eventually, he turns and hides his face against Ben's chest. He pushes the blankets down from over their faces and breathes a deep breath of cool air. He feels tired. 

He always feels tired after times like these. His body exhausts so easily now. Ben's fingers dance through his hair and his eyelids feel so heavy. 

He's afraid to fall asleep. Scared he'll dream of the bad room again. He touched a part of it today; he's bound to end up back in there. If not now, then later. If not later, then tomorrow. 

“I've got you.” Ben promises. 

Was it that obvious? Would it always be?

He threads a leg between Ben's and pulls one closer to squeeze. Another point of contact. Another anchor. 

“Stay..?” He asks softly. He knows the answer– he knows Ben– but he's been denied so many times in his life that he still feels the need to ask anyway. 

“Of course, pumpkin.” Ben murmurs sweetly. “I'll wake you up if you get fussy, okay?” 

Relief.

Even if he ends up in there, even if it gets bad, Ben will be there.

His little spider will be there. 

#homelander #homelander fanfiction #homelander x oc #the boys #antony starr #depowered homelander #the boys fanfiction

[14thcommander]

she lives in daydreams with me | mikasa ackerman x reader

summary: mikasa has always been the coolest girl you know- it isn’t until you go away for college that you realize your feelings are way deeper than simple admiration.

cw: 18 PLUS ONLY! internalized homophobia, queer angst, small town shenanigans, yearning, hints of mental illness and trauma, mutual pining, coming of age vibes.

author's note: i'm genuinely so excited and scared to put this out in the world. this fic holds a huge place in my heart, as well as the topics i wrote about. thank you to the amazing @strawberrystepmom for beta reading it for me! ily

dedicated to @utahimeow

You take a deep breath before exiting your car. 

As you approached your front yard, with a heavy suitcase in hand, you started naming five different things you could see – then, five things you could smell. The way your chest seemed to tighten when you rang the doorbell didn’t go unnoticed by you, although you did fully ignore it. Coming back to your hometown has always made you feel like cattle arriving at the butcher’s. 

The drive is easy, familiar – even though you only come home a couple of times a year, strictly for important holidays. It isn’t that you hate where you come from, it’s more complicated than that and, frankly, sometimes you wish it was that simple. 

Catching up with your parents seems to be the less difficult part out of all of it: their questions are simple, easy. You can’t quite tell if their interest in you only goes so far, or if they are scared of what you may answer them. Either way, it’s a routine you’re already used to.

“School’s fine, mom.” You reassure, hugging her tightly. She mentions something about how quickly time passed since you first left for Trost University, and you hum in agreement. It’s been around four years, and, although you visit on Christmas, your mom repeats the same questions. It’s a mom thing, you figure.

“How are your friends, sweetie?” Your father asks, helping move your suitcase into the house. His words are supposed to be caring, normal even – although you can’t help but feel your throat tighten with the threat of tears. 

“They’re all good.” You answer with a smile, hoping he wouldn’t ask further – and he doesn’t. This one would be hard to explain.

Despite feeling emotional about being in your old home, you can admit there’s some part of it you actively enjoy. It’s less noisy than the place you rent at downtown Trost, and, on summer nights like this one, you might be able to see a few fireflies in your front yard. It’s almost comical, how Shiganshina seems to be frozen in time – or, perhaps, you’re the one who’s been going through constant changes. 

Greeting your family members, playing with your childhood dog and sleeping in your old twin sized mattress are part of it. You feel like an external visitor when you walk up the stairs, even though you’re still very much aware of which steps snap under your weight and which doesn’t.

Your phone buzzes when you’re brushing your teeth to go to bed, an hour or so after excusing yourself from your mom’s inquiry – how’s school? Are your friends nice? Your father says Trost is a great place-

connie springer: 

long time no see, stranger

Your heart skips a beat. The toothpaste in your mouth almost burns your tongue, as you stand in front of the foggy bathroom mirror before spitting in the sink. What does your friend-from-high-school-who-you-haven’t-talked-in-a-year wants from you, at almost midnight? 

you:

hey connie, how’s it been? 

connie springer: 

eh, same as usual. u?

you: 

i’m alright

connie springer: 

cool

stori was asking for your number, can i send it to her? 

You frown at the message. None of this situation makes any sense, especially given the fact Historia Reiss definitely has your number and you text each other – as well as Ymir – on an almost daily basis. 

you:

yeah, sure

You breathe deeply, exiting the bathroom and entering your childhood bedroom, feeling suffocated by the past – polaroids, fairy lights and books on top of books don’t fail to bring back memories of which you so desperately want to forget. You cannot bring yourself to spend another night plagued by thoughts you wish wouldn’t clog your brain – your therapist wouldn’t be proud of that, you think. 

Unlocking your phone, you look for Ymir’s number, refusing to debate with yourself on whether to call her. 

“Hey.” She answers after a few seconds, seeming to expect your call. “Before you say anything, I know. Also, I’m with them right now.” The last words are whispered, muffled by loud music playing in the background – some trendy Doja Cat song indicates she’s at a get-together at one of your mutual friend’s house. You’re not upset: no one else knows you arrived at Shiganshina today, however you give a day or two before you’re spotted in public and everyone else finds out.

“Ymir, what the fuck is going on?” You question, sounding more scared than angry. Your breathing is shaky, and your friend can hear your worry through the static. She’s been that, done that and won’t judge your behavior – even though it seems a bit uncalled for.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Historia’s birthday is next week, and we had to pretend to have lost your number since you changed it cause, you know…”

You do know. Historia and I have to pretend we’re not in touch with you, out of respect for what you asked us a couple of years ago. Your eyes shut, and you sigh. 

“You’re safe, they don’t know yet… but I don’t think you can keep running from them any longer. Jean is one step away from pulling up to your folks’ place with the whole gang.”

You snort in response, imagining a scene of your friends stuffed in Jean’s jeep. This is what you get from hiding, you guess. You hear someone calling Ymir from the background, which she doesn’t pay any mind to.

“Yeah, I understand.” you reply. “Thank you for the support, really and, um… see you soon, I guess?”

Ymir smiles genuinely at your words, lowering her head to watch the scene of Sasha running after Connie from the balcony. 

“See you soon.”

-

The sight of the local grocery store doesn’t ease the sinking of your stomach – in fact, it only makes it worse. 

Your father texted you during your morning run letting you know you ran out of eggs, and he’s in the mood for pancakes. It was your unspoken duty to get them for him, and this time you don’t whine like when you were a teenager. Moments like this with your family are more appreciated by you, now that you’re no longer around them.

Getting out of your car, you place a pair of headphones on your head and select one of your carefully made playlists. You enter the store, nodding to the customer who gets out and passes you by – a friend of a friend, maybe. Small town culture. 

“Morning.” You greet the cashier, a teenager bored out of his mind, but still greets you back. 

You walk down a couple of aisles before finding the one you were looking for. You smile to yourself, feeling proud of the muscle memory ingrained in your body. Even after all these years, you still remember small details about Shiganshina. 

The moment is short lived, given the fact someone calls your name – a raspy, almost angry voice. 

Of course Levi Ackerman, out of everyone, is who you end up bumping into. 

“Hey.” Your voice is small even when you take your headphones off. The short man eyes you up and down, opening his mouth like he was about to say something. 

“Kid, how have you been?” A stronger, more demanding voice comes from behind the both of you. “We haven’t seen you in ages.”

Wherever Levi Ackerman goes, Erwin Smith is surely with him. 

“Erwin, hi. I’m alright, just busy with school… you know how it is.”

Your tone is playful, almost as if you’re talking to an old friend – and, well, you kind of are. Levi is Mikasa’s older cousin, who took care of her ever since an early age. You remember he had a full time job, while still attending Shiganshina’s community college. He has always worked hard, for both him and Mikasa – and, when things got rough, their crazy uncle would drop by and help with groceries and rent.

And Erwin is, well… Erwin. Always with Levi, following the brunet wherever he goes. Roommates, is what the people around town call the pair – even though you, as well as other people, know better than that. 

Levi resists the urge to roll his eyes at your response, and you should be aware he’s known you enough time to get a lie straight from your lips. Despite the joyful tone you offer them, he can tell this is rehearsed. 

“Erwin, did you get the dog food?” The shorter man inquires, and his partner in crime sighs playfully. Baby blue eyes look into gray ones, as they seem to exchange a message that only they could understand. 

“Ha, I almost forgot it. And kid, don’t be a stranger.” He winks, before exiting the animal products aisle, walking towards the store entrance.

This is the second time someone says don’t be a stranger under, what, twelve hours? You resist the urge to curse under your breath, lowering your head to hide your gaze from the eldest Ackerman.

“Listen,” He starts, voice barely above a whisper – even if you’re the only two people in the aisle. Your sneakers squeak on the floor when you move your legs in order to fully face Levi. “My cousin is too much of a stubborn brat to let you know that she misses you.”

You sigh. Your brain short-circuits with information and flashbacks: the last time you saw Mikasa in person was over a year ago, and frankly, you don’t think you’re ready to see her again. Even though you know she’ll be at Historia’s birthday celebration. 

“She said that?” You ask, voice coming back to its normal tone. 

“Of course not, it’s Mikasa we’re talking about.” He replies, and before you can ask him then how the fuck do you know that, he answers it for you. “She talks about you whenever she gets the chance, though. So does the lanky blond kid.”

“Armin?”

“Yeah, think so. Either way, take care, kid.”

That morning, you left the grocery store with a carton of eggs and an even more bruised heart. 

-

You were watching reruns of a 2000’s television show a couple of days after the grocery store incident, when the doorbell rang, as your dog barked at the sound and got up from its place between your legs.Your parents had left to visit your uncle a few towns over, and miraculously didn’t make you tag along – perks of being an adult, right? You mom had said. 

“Coming.” 

You open the door to be met with the sight of your close friends. 

“Oh, it’s you.” You mumble, rubbing your eyes as shy rays of sunshine enter the living room – you had closed the curtains a few hours ago, in order to remain in the dark. “Come in.”

“You know, ever since moving to Trost you kinda became a bitch.” Ymir says, entering your house as Historia giggles beside her. “I dig it.”

You smile as your dog barks at your friends, which causes the brunette to call him a little shit just like his mom. 

“Mi casa es su casa.” You announce once you enter the kitchen, a place that holds many memories: preparing snacks for movie nights, cooking with your mom, helping your dad fix a cabinet or two…

“Speaking of Mikasa…” Ymir teases, as Historia sits on a stool near the kitchen isle, laughing at her partner’s incredulous choice of words. “It’s about time you talk to her.”

“True.” Reiss chimes in, in a soft manner. “She asked if you’re attending my birthday trip.”

“Trip?” You exclaim, opening the fridge and looking for cans of soda. 

“Yeah, if you can consider going to Jean’s lake house for a weekend to be a trip.” Ymir huffs playfully, grabbing random ingredients from the cabinet. “Anyway, you have to go or we’ll have to kidnap you.”

You close the fridge, clumsily holding three cans of Pepsi in your arms. You place them on the counter, laying your elbows on the cold marble. 

“Of course I’ll go. Wouldn’t miss Stori’s birthday.”

She smiles, letting out a soft awn sound. 

Ymir places the ingredients on the kitchen island – two bars of chocolate, brown sugar, flour, vanilla essence. It’s a scene you’ve seen many times before, but it doesn’t fail to make your heart fill up with warmth and love for your friends. 

“If you don’t talk to Mikasa willingly, I’ll make sure you will eventually. Got it?”

You laugh, despite her tone. You’re well aware it’ll happen sooner or later.

“Yes ma’am.”

-

The drive to Jean’s lake house, a few days after spending the night baking with your close friends, is less awkward than you thought it would be. 

“Psych major huh?” Connie teases, playfully elbowing your ribs. You smile, playfully rolling your eyes. 

“Yeah. It’s less glamorous than it sounds, though.”

Ymir takes a turn, brown eyes focused on the road ahead. The sun was starting to settle, bathing the world in an orange light.

“Reiner is too, right?” Historia attempts small talk, looking at you from the rear view. Her acrylic nails gently tap her bright phone case. 

“Uh, yeah.” You answer, suddenly feeling a bit sour. It’s conflicting: you don’t want your Trost life and your Shiganshina “former” life to be tangled together, although it seems inevitable. “He’s uh, he’s in my class.”

Ymir snorts. 

“That guy realized he’s gay yet?”

“Ymir!” You exclaim, even though her words earn a genuine laugh from you.

“Babe, you can’t say stuff like that.” Historia gently scolds her girlfriend, giving you a don’t mind her look. “What if he hasn’t told anyone about it?”

“Oh, please.” Sasha chimes in, through mouthfuls of potato chips. “He posts Berthold on his private account almost every day.”

Connie laughs – no, cackles actually. She’s got a point. The blond has a tendency to post pictures of his lover every now and then, drinking coffee together or having dinner at downtown Trost. 

“True that.”

At that point, your soul almost leaves your body upon realizing your friends, who know nothing about who you are now, have access to Reiner’s private social media account. It shouldn’t shock or bother you in any way – unless they put the pieces together. 

-

You arrive an hour or so after the rest of the group. 

There’s loud simultaneous calling of your names, someone calling Ymir out for being late as always (which she responds with a middle finger), Connie running towards the welcoming sofa placed in the middle of the living room. Looking around the scene, you smile, feeling like you were watching a movie. 

You see your friends interacting with each other, as you grip the handle of your duffel bag a bit harder. It feels like you’re a fly on the wall, frozen in time, doomed to watch life happen around you as your feet sink further into the hardwood floor. Armin is the first person to notice you – or, at least, the first person to be vocal about it – snapping you from your constant daydreams. 

He says your name, approaching you with a bottle of beer in hand. His kind blue eyes seem softer, not hidden behind his blond locks anymore. 

“It’s been so long, it’s good to have you back.” He offers, and you hug him.

Armin doesn’t mention the visible changes: your haircut is wilder now, but it still feels like you. There’s a few tattoos adorning your arms, peeking through your shirt. You stopped getting your eyebrows done, but it suits you better. The clothes you’re wearing are stylish, that much he can tell – although not in Shiganshina. 

Leaving for the big city really has changed you. It looks like Trost allowed you to grow into this new version of you – or, if Armin is reading this right, you’ve always been like this: Shiganshina just never allowed you to exist like this peacefully. 

“Yeah, you’re right.”

It’s been too long. Long enough for you to become someone else, you think.

“C’mon, let me show you your room. You’re staying with Sasha, I think” He says after you greet the rest of the group – which takes up about  half an hour of small talk and lies from your part, and questions from them. Yeah, Trost is amazing. Psychology is a great choice, I know. Visiting is hard, with constant exams and all that. I’m glad you guys understand. 

Armin leads you towards the stairs, before turning around and making a wait gesture towards Mikasa. 

It’ll be a long weekend.

-

Twilight is long gone, and the sky is washed in its regular black color, beautifully adorned with stars that are only visible in this sort of place. It’s the type of night that calls for drinks and exciting conversation. It’s less overwhelming than you thought it would be like, due to the fact you aren’t the only one who has been gone – although you’re the one who’s been hiding for the first time, avoiding your hometown friends like the plague. No one seems to address it, though, and for that you are grateful. 

You’re a few shots in, finally starting to let loose. It feels magically nostalgic to have the whole group together. You haven’t met up like this in ages, due to most of your friends leaving Shiganshina behind to follow their own path. It seems like you’re the only one to hide and rarely come back, though.

“Truth or dare?”

A nostalgic night calls for nostalgic games.

Ymir’s voice sounds meaner than usual, almost as if she’s taunting you with her words alone. The chatter around you dies down a bit, as a few people – mostly Armin and Jean – stop what they’re doing – stalking Sasha’s new boyfriend on social media – to watch your answer. 

You can feel your heartbeat picking up, as you unconsciously press your fingernails against your palms, creating half-moon shapes. You can feel Ymir’s laughter bubbling inside of her, regardless of the choice you make. But mostly, you can feel Mikasa’s eyes on you, and it feels like you’re the lamb who accidentally entered the lion’s den. 

“Dare.”

A variety of things happen simultaneously once the word leaves your mouth, before you could even rationalize it. Connie whistles and, as you previously imaginez, Ymir cackles – which causes Historia to shush her, attempting to protect your honor. 

You can’t bring yourself to understand why you chose dare, in the first place. Although, it felt freeing to let someone else choose your fate for you, even if it’s just a teenager’s game. Perhaps, what you’re not willing to admit to yourself yet, is the fact you know Ymir might help you make the decision you’ve been laying off for some time now. 

-

Mikasa has always been the coolest kid you know. 

Ever since you became acquaintances during freshman year, when you had braces and didn’t know how to properly do your makeup – Mikasa has had a special shine about her. You remember briefly bonding with her over the same bands you liked, given the fact she would wear metalcore band shirts like it was the school’s uniform. With her dark hair contrasting against her pale skin, and a pair of doe eyes that made all of the boys melt instantly, it was obvious she would end up like this – not popular, but cool. 

You can even recall a moment of jealousy or two, as the hairy green monster clawed at your chest repeatedly. The feeling of your eyes burning at the scene of Mikasa and Eren making out at prom, dancing together as if the world belonged to them, is something that you have engraved in your mind, deeply so. Going to college, meeting new people, having new experiences everyday – that helped you with the process of finding out who you really are, who you’ve been all along. 

It wasn’t until you turned twenty two, about to graduate university, that you realized you were never jealous of Mikasa because she got the boys’ attention – you were jealous she was dating someone who wasn’t you. 

-

“Hmm, let’s see…” Ymir’s voice echoes through the living room, filled with outdated but expensive furniture. “I dare you to spend an hour in the basement.”

You snort. That seemed like an easy task, which makes the butterflies in your stomach die down a bit. You get up from your spot between Reiner and Annie, ready to spit a smart comment to Ymir, when her voice cuts through your eardrums again, causing your blood to freeze.

“With Mikasa.”

#mikasa ackerman x reader #mikasa ackerman x you #mikasa x you #mikasa x reader #mikasa snk #aot fics

[frozenwafflesagain]

I spent the first hour of my 25th birthday thinking about Ben Hargreeves, as one does.

And thus I present…

A Collection of Ben Hargreeves Thoughts And Theories

- INSANELY misunderstood in my opinion

- There is a difference between how Ben was as a child versus who he is as a (ghost) adult

- The Hargreeves all remember the child Ben was, while Klaus knows who Ben became and loves him for it

- Ben as a child: sweet, quiet, kind, gentle, polite, snarky, serious, timid, fearful, still, obedient, know-it-all

- Ben as an adult: loyal, determined, jaded, unapologetic, realist, tough love, practical, sad, sarcastic, caring, desperate, annoyed

- Everyone says Ben was “the best of them” when they were teenagers; I imagine that he was always there for whoever needed it with a kind word or just a hand to hold. Ben just wants to help, I think that’s one trait that stayed with him into adulthood.

- He was afraid of the Horror growing up, obviously. He didn’t want to use it, we can assume from this that he never took pleasure in the death and destruction it brought. He literally says “I didn’t sign up for this.”

- Seemed to go along with Klaus’ pranks, even enjoy them. He might have had a bit of a wild side as a teenager that faded a bit after he died.

- We know he was scared to move on to the afterlife when he died. I think it was because he didn’t want to leave his family yet.

- He stayed with Klaus all those years, and he didn’t have to. He CHOSE to. I think he wanted to stay with Klaus, give him someone to hold on to and watch out for him no matter how frustrating it got.

- But even though he wouldn’t abandon Klaus, Ben very clearly got angry and frustrated and annoyed with him, and understandably so. He had to watch Klaus waste away the life he didn’t get to have.

- When he says as much to Klaus when they’re at the motel, I don’t think this was Ben choosing to rub the reality of his death in Klaus’ face. I don’t think he was doing it to be malicious, because that’s not Ben. I think that he was trying to give Klaus something else to focus on while he was reliving his trauma. Tough love - yeah, what he was saying was undoubtedly hard for Klaus to hear, and I’m sure Ben was airing out his own grievances, but I think it was in the name of distraction more than anything else. If Klaus could think about what Ben was going through instead of focusing on the memories, that could help him in the end.

- In regards to the S2 possession: I chalk that up to poor writing and poor characterization. Ben ASKING Klaus to possess him makes sense to me, but everything else that he does without consent I see as a failure to understand Ben’s character. After everything they went through as kids, after everything Ben himself went through, after the things he probably saw happen to Klaus on the streets, I simply refuse to believe that Ben would have “no regrets” about taking control of Klaus’ body like that. The person the writers have set up Ben to be prior to those scenes would NEVER have been okay with that. Honestly, in my mind, those Ben scenes are not canon.

-That being said, his decision to save Viktor makes perfect sense. As much as he clearly wanted to stay with Klaus, he knew he would finally make an impact on his sibling’s lives if he could get to Viktor and help him control his powers. Again, he showed Viktor tough love along with compassion: he didn’t let him give up.

- But wanting a hug as he goes? There’s the Ben they all knew as kids.

- I think he probably regretted not getting to tell Klaus the truth in his last moments, which is why he asks Viktor to do it. He didn’t want Klaus to carry around the guilt he must have felt at the idea that he made Ben stay. Ben, despite growing harder and more jaded in death, is still kindhearted.

- Predictably, dying greatly affected his personality and the way he saw things as he stayed with Klaus.

#I actually cannot stop thinking about him #it’s a problem #ben hargreeves #tua #the umbrella academy #tua ben #character study #umbrella academy #umbrella academy headcanons #umbrella academy ben #tua theory

[nestaismommy]

some people are saying that the ic belongs to the found family trope. that made me laugh so hard im legit crying bcs how is that dysfunctional group a family? if we can even call it a group. amren is a cunt to everyone. shes not close to any of them. mor is there manipulating cass and az. only feyre and the batboys act like a family if were going this far. you want found family? the valkyries. my queens

Literally!!

Rhys likes to act as if they are family and then goes and betrays Mor by having her meet with someone who is involved in the trauma she had experienced, and her damn abuser. And while she was crying her ass off, literally hitting Rhysand, he just stood there, with no emotion on his face. And same with Azriel. How can someone be this cruel to their own family? He didn’t even comfort her. He didn’t do anything but stand there and watch her break because of something he did. And Azriel knew, and he didn’t fucking tell her. It’s disgusting. Not just this, but right after that, Amren realizes they went to the prison and that they lied to her so Rhysand forces her to tell him about what happened to her. She said no and he straight says “it wasn’t a request” I was so damn disgusted when I read that. What’s even more disgusting is the way all of them just backed away from Amren, and fucking Azriel got behind her, with truth-teller, as if she was about to attack them all. The fact that he was ready to attack her. I hate Amren & Mor but they are part of that “family”, and the way they were treated in that specific chapter was beyond disturbing.

“Call off your dog,” Amren said with that lethal tone.

Because the shadow in the corner behind Amren … that was Azriel. The obsidian hilt of Truth-Teller in his scarred hand. He’d moved without my realizing it—though I had no doubt the others had likely been aware.

Family my ass.

Anyways the Valkyries though>>>

Remember when they comforted Nesta??

A knock sounded on the door an hour later, and Nesta stopped crying when she saw who stood there.

Gwyn threw her arms around Nesta. “I heard you might need us.” Nesta was so stunned to see the priestess that she returned the hug.

Emerie was the one to say to Gwyn, “I can’t believe you left the library.”

Gwyn stroked Nesta’s head. “Some things are more important than fear.”

Or this scene!!

Her friends regarded her curiously, and Nesta swallowed. “Let me make a wish for all of us,” she explained, gathering the three charms. A small gift —for the friends who had become like sisters.

A chosen family.

Nesta squeezed the charms in her palm, closing her eyes, and said: “I wish for us to have the courage to go out into the world when we are ready, but to always be able to find our way back to each other. No matter what.”

I hope we see more of the Valkyries

#anti inner circle #anti rhysand #pro nesta archeron

[caffeinated-beverage]

CanLiet please ^^

Sleep headcanon, sad headcanon, happy headcanon, sex headcanon, bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon, romantic headcanon, family headcanon, friendship headcanon and quirks/hobbies headcanon

☾ - sleep headcanon: As you know, Ąžuolas is prone to trauma-induced nightmares & night terrors, and waking up in the middle of the night in a panic. Matthew tries to console them when he notices they're having a nightmare by speaking to them calmly, but not waking them. He has also noticed the time he usually has his night terrors, and tries to wake him up shortly before that time. And when Ąžuolas wakes up panicked from his trauma nightmare, he tries to console him by speaking to him calmly and trying to get him to do square breathing. And once he calms down enough, he might get him some coffee (caffeine doesn't give Ąžuolas energy, it just makes them calm LOL (theyll still be able to sleep afterwards)) & cuddles, until he goes back to sleep.

★ - sad headcanon: When Ąžuolas is sad, Matthew makes them their favorite hot chocolate: extra thicc, with no toppings. Basically just liquid chocolate. And then he cuddles with him. And when Matthew is sad, Ąžuolas makes brownies and watches anime with him.

☆ - happy headcanon: An example of a time they were both happy, was this one day when Ąžuolas was spending time at Matthew's house in winter, and it was very very snowy outside. And, while they were both out in the snow (along with Ąžuolas’ pet wolf, Pupa), Ąžuolas sneakily balled up a snowball, and chucked it at Matthew, hitting him riGHT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD (don't worry, there were no rocks, and it really didn't hurt LOL). And so, Matthew turned around with a smile on his face and said, “Oh, so it's like that then??”. Ąžuolas ran away from Matthew, laughing their ass off as he bombarded them with snowballs, and Pupa barked and tried to catch & eat the snowballs Matthew was chucking at them. Their snowball fight here lasted a loooong long time, until Matthew said “okay, okay, enough, I'm getting chilled now” and headed inside, Ąžuolas following him indoors to chill for the rest of the day. And ofc, Pupa insisted on staying out in the snow for the rest of the day, but they eventually got her to come inside when it became night.

✿ - Sex headcanon: (TW NSFW) Ąžuolas is a bottom, and Matthew is a switch. 

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon: Matthew was very open to letting Pupa (Ąžuolas’ pet wolf, remember?) snuggle on the bed with them at night & sleep there with them. Spoiled dog xD Matthew even agrees to let Pupa sit/lie down on the couch, chairs, etc., despite how massive she is, because she's just such a cute & sweet girl, and deserves to be spoiled like that lol 

Pupa spends a lot of time curled up in front of the fireplace tho

♡ - romantic headcanon: They both prefer to have a comfortable date at home, both of them in their pajamas, and watching a movie together on the couch; just Ąžuolas, Matthew, and Pupa. They do also go out for dates, sometimes; usually a casual one, though. Like, for example, spending time at the park, feeding bread to ducks, going for a swim together, going to the movie theatre, etc.

♥ - family headcanon: While Ąžuolas DOES want kids, Ąžuolas isn't ready to bring that up yet, and Matthew isn't ready to have kids yet, either. So, for now, they just have Pupa ^_^

☮ - friendship headcanon: Back when they were just friends, they both were crushing on each other soooo hard for a while, before Ąžuolas gathered the courage to confess to him. Ąžuolas nearly VOMITED from nervousness & was sweating like a pig, but Matthew gave him a big hug & confessed to him that he felt the same. Ąžuolas cried all over his shirt for a while, and they soon scheduled when & where their first date should be.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon: Matthew's main hobbies are cooking, baking, and gardening. Ąžuolas’ main hobbies are cooking/baking, herbology, & mycology. Also, I'm sure you know this since I am p sure I have mentioned it a few times, but Ąžuolas is autistic. Ąžuolas’ special interests/hyperfixations are herbology, mycology, & basketball. He doesn't play professional basketball tho, but he likes to play hobby basketball sometimes, and loves to watch basketball on tv, and play basketball video games, which he's got a collection of rn! 

My headcanon for my Canada is that he is neurotypical btw, but he is still very understanding & supportive of Ąžuolas! Esp because Matthew is a licensed therapist himself, and imo, a licensed therapist SHOULD KNOW these things 😤

#canliet #hetalia #hws #aph #hetalia canliet #hws canliet #aph canliet #hws lithuania #aph lithuania #hws canada #aph canada

[justice-scenarios]

Hello I hope you are have good day and if alright

I saw in your villain blog about a child who have a Batman backstory

And it gutted me 🥲 so much and I was wondering how the other hero’s reaction to tha, any hero will do

The heroes end up Adopt the Traumatized child

And now the child have fear of guns

Maybe a little bit of salt to wounds , how about the child looking exactly like child version Bruce , as in a spitting image of him ,

Damn you just wanna get hurt. Okay lol. I'm tempted to just do Batfamily but I'll try doing it with other heroes, too. Also, I'm not sure about adopting the kid, but they will have a close relationship.

Batman

Oh, so you wanna for him to relive his trauma?

The moment he sees it memories hit him and he freezes. It's like he sees the moment from Gordon's eyes.

But he gets himself together when he sees the kid. He needs to make sure they're okay.

Slowly hushes them and takes them away from the scene as he brings them to Gotdon.

Will visit them as Bruce for a talk so the kid knows he's not alone. Him adopting another traumatized kid doesn't suprises anyone, especially since the scene was too similar to his own.

Holds their hand when they're scared of gun in the movie. He understands them. Doesn't pushes until they want to get help with it.

Alfred

It's like a punch.

He only saw Bruce when he was at police station, so seeing how the crime scene looked before police got there was heart-wrenching.

And the kid. It's like seeing young Bruce again. He needs to get them out or he's gonna have heart attack.

Has hard time letting kid go at police station. He doesn't want them to be afraid. And doesn't want to ask Bruce to check on them, worried it'll open old wounds.

Once Bruce finds out, however, he wants to talk to the kid. He sees how Alfred takes care of them like he did with him. So he proposed to Alfred that he should adopt them since he's so worried.

Thinks he's too old but he does it eventually. Now he has little helper around the house.

Already hide his gun from Bruce so does the same for kid.

Flash

Just stops in his tracks.

He heard the cries and immediately runs towards just for it to shock him.

He want to take a kid away away but he knows it would just give them a shock, so he slowly comes closer.

Calmy talks to them, saying he will take them in a safe space.

Get kid to the nearest police station, telling officers what happened.

Changes his costume and goes to crime scene to do his job. Can't forget about the kid so he goes to meet them afterwards.

Superman

Kid doesn't want to talk so he tells them about how he found his mother and it seems to earn kid trust.

Sees how they turn eyes away from police guns so just tells them to not walk around kid with them.

Kid and him become pen pals, making them little less lonely.

He blames himself. How could he just hear it now? Why didn't he hear the man threatening them?

At the moment all he cares is to take care of a kid.

He hugs them taking them away. Kid doesn't want to be left so he doesn't argue.

Just talks to police to go to crime scene. Once therapist comes to talk to the kid they sit on his lap as he assures them.

When the kid almost cries when talking about gun he tells them not to worry. He can stop the bullet.

He visits the kid sometimes just to talk and check how they're doing.

#pati writes #batman x platonic!reader #bruce wayne x platonic!reader #alfred pennyworth x platonic!reader #flash x platonic!reader #barry allen x platonic!reader #superman x platonic!reader #clark kent x platonic!reader

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Laws of attraction ep 5

Will I have much to say this week beyond ajkldsvdfjhljgf? (turns out yes and no).

Aaaaaaand we're straight back to our unhinged evil babygirl. (who wears four different colours like this?! 🤦🏽‍♀️)

I was right about the 'doll' being able to record sounds! So what has been recorded from that night?

Ploy and her beautiful mother in red (revenge?) and green (Tonkhao?)...and fuck this particular drone shot for being so glorious.

I like that Tinn and Charn can go from heated disagreements about good/bad and right/wrong and then be flirty with each other, acknowledging their mutual attraction.

It's true, though, that had nothing bad happened, Tinn and Charn wouldn't have had such a strong (emotional) connection. They may have just been a one night stand because Tinn may have realised that Charn was morally dubious and not wanted to see him again. But now, Tinn is challenging Charn (and vice versa) to reassess their values and to almost like each other despite their differences.

Ima need someone to tell me what flower that is and the symbolism behind it...

Please! They're too fricking cute!

Tonkhao loved the colour blue 😭 (blue that might be Tinn's [and Charn's] colour - check out the underpants - but also..."Expect the Unexpected"?! And then "Where everything can happen"?! What are these messages preparing us for?!).

Omg, someone tell Silvy to stop being so gorgeous (I've been listening to her music this week too).

The green tie and pocket square returns for when Charn is wanting to know more about Tonkhao. I like that the pocket square also has a bit of red on it (for the revenge in Charn's heart?).

So I read someone's theory that Wit could be the 'mole' - it sort goes in line with what Charn has said about how people are easily bought with money and the people closest to you will hurt you the most if they betray you. I hope Charn already suspects Wit and that's why he hasn't said anything about the doll to him.

It was kinda obvious that Chai was going to be killed in prison.

The desire for revenge, or their passion for justice, (or both), is getting stronger.

This is a godawful tie. Oh Charn. smh.

I want to see Thee smile. And be hugged. This must happen. (I've seen people talking about how they need Tanthai to be hugged/shown affection by Thee, but honestly, Thee needs the physical comfort too).

I really hope they're setting up Wit to expose himself as the mole. It feels really contrived, so it has to be a set up 🤞🏽 (And thank goodness it was).

Also, Silvy and Organ. You're both amazing. Don't stop.

At the very least there should be a fire extinguisher somewhere in that office. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I'm sorry but I laughed SO HARD when the building blew up 😂

THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING THING TO HAVE HAPPENED IN THIS ENTIRE SERIES SO FAR. AND SILVY WITH A RAINBOW BOA AND THE GRANDMOTHER WITH A GREEEEEN ONE!! ICONIC!!!

I love Silvy's rainbow dots tattoo. (this is becoming a Silvy appreciation post, btw)

I realise I haven't mentioned Tanthai or Thatthep...but the green (of Tonkhao?) is till looming behind/on them. I still don't know what to make of Thatthep in shades of blue...but it's interesting this ep that Tanthai wears dark green and then black (with white stripes) - so no blue. Is this indicative of Tanthai pulling away from his father?...

And it looks like we might learn more about Charn's past next week, bringing more angst. I like that Charn's in green as he decides to go back to Bang Don Pan Village - the source of his trauma - and I'd like to think this (and Rose in all blue) is showing that, even though Charn is telling Rose that he wants to control Thatthep's power and wealth, he will in the end pursue justice for Tonkhao and Tinn. The love of a good man (Tinn) will guide him there...eventually. (Also...and I'm only putting this here so I can come back and gloat later...but the handles of all the knives behind Charn look red - what if Charn stabs Thatthep in the end?)

#laws of attraction #laws of attraction the series #I love this show with my whole heart #they can blow up more buildings and use the worst cgi all they want #I will only love it more

[wjehfshs]

COD 141 X S/O with BPD

Authors note: everyone with BPD experiences it differently but I’m writing it mainly for me and how I live with it because I need some comfort rn

GN reader, reader has BPD, reader can be seen as like super clingy but remember I’m describing how I experience BPD, I may or may not have a huge bias for Gaz, brief mentions of su!c!d3/s3lf h@rm in Gazs part if you squint, mental breakdowns/manic episodes mention, mentions of hallucinations and delusions

Ghost

He deals with trauma and mental illness himself so he knows how tiring it is

Always asks your boundaries on things, even if it takes hours for you to list them or explain them in great detail, he’s willing to listen just for you

He’d even have a note in his notes app writing down everything he needs to know

If you have therapy he goes with you to all of the sessions unless you ask him not to

Always keeping you updated on where he is

Never leaves the house without telling you first at at least leaving a note

If you’ve split with him he’ll understand you don’t actually hate him, you’re just trying to protect yourself

He’ll try and ask what’s wrong, if it makes you feel better he’ll text you about it when your ready to tell him

During manic episodes he’ll keep an extra close eye on you

Making sure you don’t do something dangerous or spend large amounts of money

If you’re having delusions he’ll sit with you for however long it takes, explaining to you how it’s not possible or untrue, even if it takes weeks to months he’ll sit with you everyday or call you if he’s on a mission and talk you through it

He’ll do whatever to help you

If you’re hallucinating you’ve developed a system with him where if you see something that you think is a hallucination you’ll ask him if he can see it, or hear it, if it was a touch hallucination he’ll hold you until you feel better

He’s very understanding and don’t worry about being a burden he understands how trauma can affect people and he would die for you

Soap

A little less understanding

He tries hard to be but he doesn’t really know much about mental health

Always been the guy to just cry it out and move on

You’ll probably split on him a bit more because he usually shows his love through teasing and jokes

After you explain to him how it affects you, he’ll immediately stop and show you all the love in the world

Also always tells you when he’s going out, you guys both have that life 360 app on your phones so you can see where each other are

At the start of the relationship whenever you would have a breakdown he wouldn’t know what to do

But eventually he learned how to calm you and keep you safe

Asks you everyday how you’re feeling unless you ask him to not ask you

If you’re scared he’s gonna leave you he’s immediately at your side and will not take his eyes off you until he knows you know he’s never going to leave

Price

Probably least experienced around mental health

He tries to always check up on people but he grew up always being told to just push it down and forget about it

Always such a sweetheart though

Will kiss your tears away if you’re crying or having some kind of breakdown or episode

Also checks up on you daily, even if you’ve had a fight or disagreement the night before he makes sure to check up on you

If anyone where to make some kind of comment about you or your BPD, whatever. He’s immediately stepping in and telling the person to kindly fuck off

He knows how sensitive you are so he is always watching you in social situations

Making sure you feel ok, making sure no one upset you, making sure you feel stable enough to be there

The only time he can kind of falter is when you split with him

He is a stressed man so he can accidentally say something hurtful to you if you’re angry at him/split with him

He will immediately apologise and either hug you tightly or leave you be, depending on the situation or what you want

If he’s doing work at home he’ll let you sit on his lap while he’s working and you can come and go as you please he doesn’t mind one bit

The only time you’re not allowed on his lap is during meetings over video chat but those are rare and once they’re over he’s immediately letting you back in

Very protective of you

Tells you if he’s leaving but if he’s leaving and you’re not awake he’ll leave a kiss on your cheek and leave his hat with you on the bed until you either wake up or he comes back

It’s like a little indicator to wether he’s out or not

Gaz

Even if you didn’t have BPD he’d be such a sweetheart who’d praise you everyday

Splitting with him is a very rare thing as he’s such a softie

Also has all your boundaries in a note in the notes app

If he’s out on a mission he’s calling you for hours everyday if he gets the chance

If you take meds he has a little reminder set in his phone for when you take them

Will always insist you have something to eat, a bath, and have a rest/go to sleep after you’ve had a breakdown

He’s always cuddling you

Even when he games he has you either on his lap or an arm around you while he plays

Like his arm is wrapped around you but he’s still using his two hands to play

Bought you a journal to write your thoughts down if he either doesn’t have the mental capacity to let you vent or physically cannot because he’s in the middle of a mission or smth

Even if you haven’t expressed feelings of being a burden, even if you don’t feel like a burden he’s always telling you how much he loves you and how without you he’s nothing

Makes you feel so special

This is a little annoying but he always wakes you before he leaves the house, he wakes you up with kisses tho so it’s ok

If you express you don’t like it he’ll just text you that he’s out if you aren’t awake

If you don’t trust yourself around objects that could be used to hurt yourself he’s locking them away immediately until he both thinks you feel better and you verbally tell and show him you feel better

Showers you with kisses everyday

#cod x reader #cod #cod mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #cod mw x reader

[ladylooch]

Since Nico and Emma are very well balanced brother/sister duo. Do they ever get clingy or get very vulnerable to the point where they seek each other’s support and affection (other than when Lexi and Nico were going through the miscarriage)

Absolutely!

Emma comes into the NHL world very abruptly. There was no easing her into it. She went from seeing Timo in the off-season or in a random, one off occasion to all of a sudden thrusted into this crazy hectic schedule AND with a baby! The transition back to the U.S. from Switzerland after Lio is born is difficult for her. She leans hard on Nico during this time to understand more of the league and player expectations. She finds it all overwhelming and will complain to Nico about how hard this all is to adjust to. Truthfully, she is hesitant to confide in Timo because she doesn’t want him to worry about her bolting. They still have to process through some of that old trauma in the early years.

So Emma turns to Nico in those moments. He becomes her NHL guide and also encourages her towards specific veteran WAGS for even more understanding.

When Lexi and Nico become pregnant, Nico has a moment of pure panic. Like, what the fuck am I doing here!??!? I am too young to be a dad!?!? This happened so fast! I didn’t think she would get pregnant right away and holy shit, child birth seems really scary! 

He is pacing back and forth in Emma and Timo’s living room. Lexi thinks he is out getting groceries but he is having a meltdown at their house instead.

“I don’t know shit, Em. SHIT!” He howls, running his hand through his long hair again.

“Neeks-“

“I have never changed a diaper! I haven’t even baby sat, at least you watched kids when you were younger! I don’t… know how to feed them!?” 

“Nico-“ Emma tries again. His feet keep blazing their same horizontal path along her rug. 

“I’m not ready.”

“That’s too bad.” Emma shrugs. This gets Nico to stop and look at her. “You’re having a baby.” The room goes silent as Nico thinks about it. “With your wife, who you adore and love more than anything in this world, including hockey.” She stands, grabbing him into a hug. His hands attach to her like Lio when he doesn’t want to be alone. “And I’m gonna tell you the same thing you told me, go to her and deal with your shit.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Basically.” Emma waves him towards the door. “Off you go. You’re Lexi’s problem now, Hischier.”

#tm: loving & leaving #what my world spins around au

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Key to Your Heart (Part 15 of 18)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader | The Winter Soldier X Reader

Chapter word count: 1.9 K

Summary: Joining the Avengers wasn't on your plans. Not until Steve asked you to help his best friend. Bucky was Bucky, but the Winter Soldier still came from time ti time, bringing with him chaos and destruction. And you was supposed to keep that side of him away... But what happens when both Bucky and the Winter Soldier start to enjoy your company more than anyone else? Should you turn your back on the Soldier, ignore his own fears and traumas? That's exactly what everyone wants. But you were never known for following orders...

<- Previous part (14)

Next part -> (16)

{Marvel Masterlist}

Celebrations

There's a haze above you, heavy. It surrounds you, like you're underwater, clouding all your senses.

The words don't quite have a meaning anymore. You hear them, someone, talking, speaking, chatting... But everything is distant. Like you're in a huge, open place, like the desert on your first mission, and you have someone calling you from far, far away.

But suddenly, you feel a pull, and you're off the ground, floating until you're on something soft. Underneath you, the mattress is still warm from where your body was minutes ago. Before the news you just received, that you couldn't even process yet.

“(Y/N), you're scaring me.” The voice says, and you focus again, eyes finding Steve. “Are you alright? Do you need me to get Banner?”

“No, I...” Shaking your head, you breathe in. “I'm okay... What was it you said?” It's a stupid question. You heard him very well, you just can't bring yourself to believe it.

“You're pregnant. Six weeks, almost seven.” He mutters, his worried eyes set on you. “How did it happen? Who's the–”

“I got married to the Winter Soldier.” The words just flow out, because you're lost, scared, confused. And this is Steve, your brother, your best friend. And right now, hiding it from him is impossible. “Around four months ago. Right after I got better from the shot. When we spent that week away... That was for the honeymoon. In a cute, nice hotel... Some hours away from New York.”

“You did what?” He stands up, pacing around the room before looking back at you. “How– (Y/N), what the hell?”

“H-he proposed to me. He... He loves me and he was scared to lose me and then I said we should wait but he took it badly and then tried to run away and the thought of him going away made me realize I love him too and–” You stop to breathe, tears rolling down your cheeks. “I said yes. I know this isn't right, and this isn't fair, but Bucky–”

“Bucky is a different person, (Y/N). I'm not questioning his feelings for you, I know he loves you, but this? You had no right.”

“I know.”

“He will be mad, you know he will. He isn't quite comfortable with you and the Winter Soldier hanging out, he's always scared and you do this?” You're crying hard now, sobs shaking your body. “You...” Steve's voice fades, and he goes silent for a while. You feel it when the mattress moves under his weight, and a hand comes to your shoulder, pulling you close. “Please, don't cry. I'm sorry, I just... This isn't ok. You have to tell Bucky.”

“I-I thought it was impossible. That the serum made people sterile so... I never thought about being careful.” Justifying yourself, you wipe some tears away. “And I was going to tell him, I was just waiting for the perfect moment because I was scared but it never came and now... Now...”

“Alright, slow down.” Rubbing your back softly, Steve sighs. “We just need to figure the right way to tell him.”

“No. Not yet.” You burst out, sitting up straight and looking at him. “How am I going to tell him that? I can't.” Covering your face with both hands, you try to control the sobs erupting. Steve hugs you, and you're thankful for having him. You're thankful for having told him the truth, even though you know he won't support you in this lie. Or at hiding this such important information. But he's here, and that's everything you need right now.

“We'll figure this out. Bucky will–”

“(Y/N).” Steve is cut off by both the voice and the door being open.

And knowing who it is, you know what he'll think. So you're fast to crawl off the bed, over to him, cupping his face and taking in his worried eyes. “It's alright, love. Steve and I were just talking about something very important.” You assure him, as the Soldier wipes your tears away with his thumb.

He gives Steve a look, angry, questioning, before setting his eyes on you again. “Talking about what? What could possibly make you cry this much?” Nothing goes past him. The Soldier reads you like an open book, every sentence, word, and letter well exposed to him.

“I'll leave you alone.” Your brother says, giving you a meaningful look before leaving, pulling the door close.

“Soldier, I'm...” Your voice fades, and you push some more tears away when you blink, fingers caressing his beard, rough under your fingertips.

“You're scaring me. What's going on?” His tone is soft, the one he uses only for you. Soft, sweet... You don't want to worry him. The Soldier had had enough worry, enough confusing and horrible situations to deal with. You don't want to be something else for him to worry about.

“I took a blood test and... The reason why I've been feeling so sick is that... I'm pregnant.” The last word comes out in a murmur, almost without a sound. But you know he got it because his eyes change, their shine spread through his face all the way to his lips, curling up in a smile. “A-are you happy?”

“Are you sure about it?” You nod. “I... I'm gonna be a father, I...”

You know what's going on in his head. He doesn't think he can do it, because everything he ever knew was killing, blood, and orders he had no choice but to follow. “Yes. And I'll need you, Soldier. I'll need you with me, because... A baby is a blessing, to both of us. It's something amazing, it's–”

“It's the personification of our love.” He finishes off for you, even though that was not what you were going to say. The Soldier lifts your chin with his fingers and bends over to kiss you. It's slow and caring, warm, like he's trying to tell you all the good things he's thinking. Trying to pass them to you through this gesture of love. “We'll do it together, you and I.” He says once he has pulled away. “But...”

“But?”

“You have to tell him.” Of course, he knows Bucky doesn't know. Except for this lie, this obscuration of the truth, you try to be as honest as possible. So you told Soldier the marriage didn't reach Bucky's ears yet. That you want to wait because what you feel, you feel for both of them. But now... Now it's complicated because the seed that took roots inside you belongs to both of them. They're one, the father of your child. “Sooner rather than later.”

Nodding, you look down, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge. “I will. I just don't know how.”

“His sentiments aren't obscure to me. I can feel it, it flows. And it shows me he loves you too. Maybe just as much as I do.” His words, loving, and passionate, are still odd to the others. But to you... You grew used to them. You love them.

“I just don't know what to do. He'll... He'll feel betrayed. Lied to. I... I don't know.”

“We should have been careful. Even though we thought the serum to have made me incapable of having children.”

“But why would we if we thought that?” Sighing, you start crying again.

“Come here.” He says, at the same moment he pulls you into his lap, until you're on top of him, being held. “You said it yourself. What happened is a blessing. All the rest will be fixed, one way or another. But this–” He touches your stomach. “–This is amazing.”

Smiling through your tears, you kiss him, full on the lips. “I love you.” You mutter through the kiss, arms around his neck. “I love you.” This one is meant for Bucky. You love both.

•••

Even though you know you must say it, you're scared. An Avenger shouldn't be so terrified of something so simple. But you'd rather face the most dangerous of missions instead of doing this.

Bucky is worried, about the sickness and the awkward way you behave with smells that you once liked. And you do your best to look okay, to make him believe you're okay. But there's Steve now, staring, giving you these looks as if telling you this is wrong. And he hurts too because Bucky is his friend. After all, you're scared to death, because of the whole situation. Nat and Wanda know it too. You told them since they were the only ones to know about the marriage, but now, you have three people hovering over you, and to you, it feels judgmental. Because you feel guilty.

Even worse now, with everyone reunited for a dinner. Tony cooked. Tony Stark freaking cooked, and so, everyone came to participate in such an event.

At the crowded table, you play with your dessert, lemon cake, the thing making you sick, as you try to pretend you're fine, keeping up with the conversations. You'd love it, to have everyone around, but there's a tension in the air, from those who know. And it kills you.

“I took him down. That sexist son of a bitch.” Nat says, about her latest mission. “Nothing gives me more pleasure than to beat them up.”

“I agree.” You say, not really paying attention.

“The next mission is ours, right?” Sam asks, gesturing at you.

“No. You and Wanda.” You reply, clearing your throat. Tony knows too. Steve had to let him know so you won't be assigned to any missions. Too much action, getting hit and hurt and shot. Nobody would put you or the baby through such stress.

“Why?”

“Because this one might be too dangerous. She's still a junior Avenger.” Tony explains, taking a sip from his drink. He's putting it down when lighting and thunder rip through the compound, but it doesn't scare you. You're growing used to it. “Who could it be?” Tony asks in his typical sarcastic tone.

It doesn't take much for Thor to appear, a bright smile on his lips. “I see you didn't wait for me to start the celebrations.” He chants, voice cheerful. “But here I am.” Excusing himself, he moves to his place at the table but doesn't sit. Serving himself some drink, he raises his hand. “Here's to the first baby Avenger!” He yells, and you freeze.

“Baby Avenger?” Bucky asks from his place next to you.

“Thor, shut it,” Steve warns, but it won't help.

You know what he's talking about, and for a second, you wonder how.

But then it clicks. The gatekeeper.

Heimdall saw the little life growing inside you.

“And to the new parents! May this baby brighten your day, and your lives.” Thor continues, and you feel like throwing up. No, not like this. Please, not like this.

“Who–”

“Bucky and (Y/N).” Thor cuts your boyfriend shut, his glass pointing at both of you. “Congratulations.” And then, he drinks.

@hi-im-fan-trash @takeabreathdeath @pre-google @thespeeder @heavenly1927 @marvel-fanfic-writer-8675 @insidxangel @winters1917 @plethoravellichor @meggiesposts @hollie911 @saranghaey @lexi-anastasia @lechaircharles @mememe7147 @sofi1sstuff @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @sophiaj650 @michaelmyerswife @wigglywoos59

#bucky imagine #imagine bucky #bucky fanfiction #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #imagine bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #the winter soldier imagine #the winter soldier fanfiction #the winter soldier x reader

[blacknidstang]

Re: Sam and Trauma and some fandom opinions being that "Sam escaped his terrible upbringing unscathed" and "Dean always took care of him! He's the baby brother!!"

It makes me upset too... I love Sam so much, and I related to him so much but he did NOT escape his childhood without any trauma or with a "superiority complex." (imho) If you read his character in the light of CSA there literally was NOTHING that Dean could've done or Dean was equipped to do in order to protect him. (Dean was only 4 years old! He was a little kid and he shouldn't have been responsible anyhow!)

Sam is often portrayed as the "normal" brother between the two of them in the narrative, he tried to go away to college, but Sam really is just better at hiding his hurt and pretending everything is fine. All his anger and his shame goes inwards towards himself. He spends the first two seasons calling himself "a freak" in a derogatory way over and over for something that was beyond his control. That is the sign of someone with terrible self-esteem, someone who is in a ton of emotional pain.

When Sam does start acting out, and he's so overwhelmingly angry with everything it scares Dean and everyone else. They don't know how to handle him! He gets addicted to demon blood and his powers get stronger and he wants to be SO strong so no one can hurt him again.

But why would he want that?? I dunno, maybe because NO one could protect him, so he feels like he needs to protect himself, forever, alone. His family didn't/couldn't help him then, so Sam feels like he is responsible. If he's responsible then he gets to be in control and he wasn't in control and THAT'S when he got hurt. (Dean does this to some extent too, although at different points and for different reasons)

Again, for Sam all the emotional pain goes INWARDS. He pushes people away because he's been terribly manipulated by Ruby, by Azazel, by Brady (who was a demon) and by Lucifer! Anyway, sorry to ran in your askbox, but yeah, Sam needs 1000 hugs until the end of time, he isn't okay even if it seems like he is.

No no don't apologize. ♥️♥️♥️ You got amazing amazing points and it hit me so damn hard. It puts Sam's "you're not the one who can do it Dean" in a whole other new light. would argue that Sam's need argue t become strong was also about how he lost Dean and couldn't save him, not that it is separated from Sam getting hurt. At the very same moment we have Dean who is ready t become heaven's slave for Sam but agin, again, he stood no chance. They were all just pawns. That's the story repeating itself. Dean needs to save Sam, Sam needs to save himself & dean. both fail because the heaven and hell have different plans. But your point still stands anon. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it makes my head spin when Sam's taken as a bystander and not a direct victim of abuse himself.

#spn #asks #sam winchester

[katiascraft]

[ when you're away ]

Plot: you and Evan are away from each other because of his job. And you love to write cute notes and letters to your loved ones so you write him a letter (nowadays sent through messages app)

Word count: 757

Warnings: not proofread, pure fluff, mention of dissociative disorder, comments of sadness and triggering behavior (briefly) and I think that's it.

_______________________________________________

Note: I hope you like it. It is my first writing post sooo I'm nervous but I hope you like it! Every comment and suggestion it's welcome 💗 comment if you wanna even's answer :3 ok, bye.

____________________,,__________________________

_________________________________________

I wasn't feeling really good. It's been 3 weeks since I last have seen Evan at the airport. I didn't know this time it was gonna be so hard on my mental health. I miss him so much. And at the same time, I just feel so grateful to be with him, to know the great person he is and the way he loves people. He is so amazing. He has helped so much since the beginning even without knowing about it. I needed to do something about all of these thoughts and feelings because I will go crazy.

And so I did.

I wrote him a letter. The best thing I know.

Dear Thomas,

I have really bad anxiety. I guess life can never be okay with me. I have to struggle with anything. I have to suffer. And cry and scream sometimes. It's hard to sleep every night with this knot in my stomach that never goes away. I think I miss you and I hug my pillow and it's not the same. I have one of my ambient playlist on youtube with emotional music that I don't know if my heart is happy or agonizing in aching. I've never felt or written anything like this. I remember your face and those little and beautiful spots in both cheeks. Your eyes laying on mine like no one did before. Like I am something really important for you. I don't know what you do to me. But I want to be better, for me. I'm tired of crying and not understanding life, people, situations, places, myself.

I know I will always carry this weight, this cursed on my brain. All the things it makes me believe. Maybe I will never find peace and I will never be happy. But I know at least that I want to be better and that maybe I can be better. At least just a little. I wanna make you happy and I want to feel good with you. I want to heal. But it was so hard. All of my ex lovers left me because they couldn't carry me, I was too obsessed with them. Because my cry is ugly, because I shake and break things. because I moan while we have sex. Because I wanna feel beautiful and I don't care about anybody elses perspective on it. Because I gave presents out of nowhere and beacause I can be kissing you all day. And be cause may be I gave them too much of me until I felt guilty. They feel scared. So they ran away. Just like I always do from my problems, my traumas, my well being. But with you I feel it's different. I'm being romantic and I used to hate it. Fuck me.

And here I am writing you a letter like the hopeless romantic I am. Because I love the old ways too. To me, those are the better ways. Because I like the thought that in 30 years you will find this piece of paper and you will remember u. I don't know if we'll still be together. I don't know if I will be in this world. Or with you. But I like that idea. Because I could never feel anything but pain and guilt, shame and anxiety. I always lived frozen. But I think now it's different.

I'm melting. You're building a new me. You're taking care of the garden full of flowers that I can be. And I like it. I don't know why you love me or why you see me as the best thing that ever happened to you. I don't know if it's the astros or the psychological tests or our energy or just destiny. And for the first time I don't care. We don't need to know why. Being there is enough reason to stay. And thank you for that.

I ran out of words to say to you.The dissociative me makes it hard to follow through. But at least I tried it. I hope someday I will be able to tell you all I feel right away. But for now maybe this is it.

There is a lot of things unsaid, that I feel deep in my heart that I just can't seem to put it in words now.

I love you and that I will always be here for you.

Love, y/n <3

When I finished the letter I didn't even read it. I just needed to send it to him. Like I was feeling desperate. And nervous. I was so anxious. It still being hard for me to talk about my feelings and thoughts openly to people but I try with him. Because he's magical - I can with him. And to me that means the entire world. I don't know where I would be without him. He is my angel.

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Final note: I'm so excited for this new journey wtitting. I hope you like it and if so comment, reblog or like please 💗🙏🏼 i'm not a native English speaker so sorry if some things are weird, I'm trying my best and always trying to improve!

Hope you have a wonderful day ❤️

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