#i wish I was never fucking diagnosed with anything

[samuraisharkie]

due to Life Shit I kind of stopped drawing much about a year or two after I graduated high school bc I just kind of didn’t have the time or mental/emotional/physical capacity to fit it in, despite art being something I really want to be a part of my career. It kind of makes me sick to realize how much muscle memory I lost just from that time (I had only about a year and a half total of absolutely no art but that was enough. doesn’t help that during that time I seriously injured my hands) considering I’ve been drawing my entire life. I really wish things had not gone that way and that I could have kept going, but expectations were on me to do something else and any time I sat down to draw was treated as wasting time. There’s also something weird about recovering from severe trauma that kind of adjusts how you engage with a hobby you used as a coping mechanism, which Art very much was. I almost never drew vent art, but I used it to focus on something and make myself happy and proud of work I actually could do, and once I was out of the environments that funneled me into drawing (being forced to go to church, school, anything involving sitting down for a long period of time) I found less time to actually have an excuse. Someone bought me a single college course of art classes right out of high school, and I think that was where I COULD have had the opportunity to really get started if I had actually had the money to continue and the college hadn’t been so far away. After that course ended I didn’t have that excuse anymore. I used to draw in DeviantArt and Discord art groups, but those began to fall apart and soon I didn’t have that option either. After that I doodled but didn’t really create Full Pieces unless some friend asked it of me, and it was never a commission bc I’d never trained myself to get that sort of shit done without taking too long, so I’d always do it for free. So even that wasn’t a big motivator eventually. Now that I’m struggling for work after becoming more physically disabled after COVID, all that time I could have spent honing my art skills so I could do SOMETHING with my art really is weighting down on me. I have the option to do freelance work, illustrations, pet commissions, even things like cards and cookies. I’ve seen these avenues open up for me gradually, but I’ve lost the skills I built up that I need to actually make something I’m proud of. I’ve taken to tracing old art to try and remember my thought process and my “style”… but my memory was bad BEFORE the covid, and it’s worse now, and my brain fog makes it hard to focus even if I could get back on the train of thought. I don’t remember the construction that would be in my mind’s eye. I barely can keep a clear vision in my mind’s eye anymore, worryingly. I never had a crystal clear imagination, it was always sort of abstract, but I could see the lines, I could construct a scene. Now I have to focus hard to get any sort of detail clear in my head. It’s like if you tried to look directly into someone’s face in a dream, or put in a prompt in neural blender. So I have to adjust to performing the entire thought process physically, slowly and tediously trying to figure out what I’m imagining before I can really get started. Those old art tutorials for constructing shapes and bodies and such just aren’t coming naturally anymore so I have to dredge deep into my mind to remember which advice helped “click” the best and knowing it might not do it this second time around. It’s like if you forgot how to ride a bike. It was something natural to you, you could even get started haphazardly and distracted and still be able to tell where you were going and not fall over or trip on yourself, but now it’s like you have to focus on each step and it constantly feels like it’s taking everything you have to not crash. I’m glad I can start drawing again, but it hurts that something so huge in my life has been turned into this. I’ve ranted about it before it’s just easier to notice when you’re not sketching out people’s pets or doing super stylized doodles.

#I didn’t know you could max out a ‘text block’ on tumblr also. my indication to stop LOL #long post #vent #kind of. I’m not like super angsty abt it I’m just sad that I have to spend more time remembering #instead of actually accomplishing anything with my dreams. I’m 26 and there’s 18 year olds living my fucking dream yknow #I know you don’t have a certain age requirement for art but I also know you never stop improving #and being set back before I was even proud enough to set prices for my work is kind of devastating #I just love art. I want to be an animator or something involve with creative concepts. #I want to make things I’m proud of. but what used to come easily now feels like chewing nails #the metal ones not the cartilidge. anyway #I know I’m kind of hard on myself but it’s hard not to be when you’re surrounded by people with such talent #and it feels like you’re running behind when you see people getting to their dreams so much sooner than you. #I know it’ll happen but it hurts sometimes remembering what I used to imagine id be doing at this age #and realizing past me probably had more of a chance at these careers than I do right now bc of brain damage and physical and mental issues #it’s not confirmed if I have brain damage but like. I can tell something is different. #it’s not like they’d be able to diagnose it by now or even that it’d change anything #I just have to keep going and keep trying. it’s just discouraging and frustrating #I wish I could summon all the memories from my brain back up so I could feel happier about my art #I’m happy to have the chance to start drawing again don’t get me wrong. I still like to draw. it’s just. #I can tell the difference between how it was and how it is now and it makes me mourn #ough I wish I still had a therapist lmao. Deb get the fuck back here you traitor.

[yoohyeontual]

Hi friends, I have a question. Did any of you with anxiety ever experience numbness in your arms and legs ?

#also in the face !!! #not like complete loss of sensation but like itching or like loss of sensation but that you still can move normally #I have no idea how to say it in English #my doctor things in may be anxiety and if it is this I’ll be both relieve and furious bdjsbsjs #thinks* #i went to hospital and was there all night but they haven’t found anything wrong #now that I was told everything is fine I’m way less stress about this but I still feel a bit numb in my face and legs #I Hope it’s just anxiety and nothing bad but god I’m so stressed out all of the time what if I’m like that forever 😭😭😭 #it’s been 1 week and I’m so tired 😭 #at least it’s less bad than it was I barely feel it at time #but at least the doctor said he would refer me to an organisation where I could get diagnosed without paying something I just hope it won’t #take forever* cause last time I asked for help it took a year I got through d*pression on my own 💀 #I never heard about this symptom so I’m curious ! they say it’s like the blood not circulating correctly cause of the stress #it’s fascinating but god it’s annoying fjsbdjs #the last 2 weeks were exhausting my body went fucking crazy out of a sudden #wish me luck 😭 Jbdjsbsj #I have to see my family doctor again Wednesday I hope she’ll have good news for me or it will just stop soon fjsbdjbd #alex.txt

[johndonneswife]

spending time with my sister again is making me sad. i want to shake her and scream at her and let her know there’s more for her out there - all she has to do is grab it. she’s only been here 24 hours and has already facetimed our mom, dad & grandmother multiple times, as if she doesn’t see all three of them every day back home. she’s constantly been telling me stories about my cousin’s kids as if they’re her own - shows me pictures of them posing in front of art projects she does with them, candids of them playing at the park. she expects me to be sadder than i am because someone in our extended family, who i talk to maybe once every 8 years, is sick. she deliberately forces herself to speak with a thick accent like everyone we know, but i can tell she’s faking it. she’s talking about buying a house that will be ‘good’ for our parents and her boyfriend’s mom to live in ‘one day,’ when she’s never even had a real job and has never lived away from my parents. she’s asking me about the guest list for my wedding and bringing up all these people in our family she knows i don’t like, who i don’t talk to, who i don’t even consider family anymore.

i want her to live for herself for once in her life. i want her to be single for once in her life. i want her to learn not to rely on a boyfriend to bolster her self-esteem. i want her to make new friends, to come home late, to have a ‘rebellious phase.’ i want her to feel real anger. i want her to have her own thoughts, to have real interests and passions. i want her to have a life outside of the cult that is our family. i wish she knew she was more than a baby factory. i wish she knew she was more than my mother’s puppet. i wish she knew people would still love her and cherish her if she would just be herself - and with that knowledge, i wish more than anything she would feel comfortable enough to finally figure out who exactly she is.

all she does is perform. she plays it safe - sticks to all the approved hobbies and phrases and thoughts and aspirations. she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. and being around her is fine but she is emotionally immature because of all of this shit. she lacks depth. she is not a self-actualized person. i could not tell you anything about her soul. she leans in too hard to what everyone else has always wanted her to be.

selfishly - she could maybe be the one person in the world who understands me best - but she’ll never be. and that makes me sad, too.

#i love my sister and i wish she would spend time figuring out who she is #and it makes me sad that she won’t #she will pop out at least three babies and live in the same town as the rest of my family and never travel and never read anything good #she will dedicate her life to her husband and her kids and her career and make them all her entire personality #and after a while there will be nothing of her left #because she never cared enough about herself to nuture her own weirdness and embrace her individuality and love herself despite her flaws #and i blame my family for that but i also kind of blame her too #i’m just sad for her #our relationship is fine but i wish i could tell her this without starting a massive argument #i just need her to know. it’s okay to want more. and i need her to stop stop stop being brainwashed by these stupid fucking people #how did i never notice how bad it was when i was living near my family? i feel so stupid #i repressed so much of my childhood and bits and pieces are coming back lately #but with sara right now. i feel like the dam is breaking. ugh #text #i want her to be happy and fulfilled i just really do #there’s just so much shit in the way #don’t get me started on how she’s also self-diagnosing herself with a million different mental illnesses tho i need another post for that #don’t reblog this obviously. dunno why i have to write that

[fawkesthefox]

Being asked to do a simple task often feels like im being told to walk on the ceiling. And then while I'm just sitting there trying to figure out why I'm being asked to do something impossible other people start doing parkour tricks to flip themselves upsidedown launch themself to the ceiling, or inventing shoes that'll let them defy gravity, or flipping the entire building, or reversing their own gravity. I don't have the resources or ability to even attempt doing any of that shit, but it comes so easily to everyone else.

In a simpler analogy it feels kinda like everyone around me drinks this special super healthy energy drink that makes it so they can run 10 marathons without breaking a sweat, and everyone else expects me to be able to do whatever they can with that energy drink and everything is built so that people using the energy drink can live easiest, its just standard for literally everyone to drink it.

But I'm allergic to this drink so I can't have any and I can't get any of its benefits in any other way, so everyone is literally running super far ahead of me and expecting me to keep up when I literally just don't have enough energy or strength to do that. People have standards that I physically cannot meet, They expect me to have a perfectly maintained garden and for every blade of grass to be the exact same length and shame me for just mowing and not precisely measuring everything to make sure its perfect when I physically cannot go out and do that every day, but they just call me lazy and say they couldn't stand living like I do and having to see such an uneven lawn every day

Plus I can't get a fucking job because they expect me to do so much and to have so much experience doing shit that I cannot fucking do so I don't have any chance at being hired because no one wants to wait around for me to do something someone else could do 50 times over so I'm basically fucked and relegated to do what little I can for nothing and just rot in my home with my overgrown uneven lawn because everything in the world is built for things I cannot do

#a lot of rambling and traumadumping or whatever in the tags #the fox whines #disability #i wish i could fucking do shit #but i can't #ive never been able to do shit and i've never been diagnosed with anything #i feel like im only just realizing how fucked i am by everything #i don't have any energy to do anything #i dont have the ability to focus whatever little energy i do have into one task #i almost definitely have some sort of childhood trauma that i have no memory of #my memory is generally really shitty #i have a really hard time understanding people around me because im probably adhd/autistic AND i was raised in what is debatably a cult #and generally was pretty sheltered and the community was p closed off #plus i moved a few states over from where i was raised so i don't know anything about the culture here and i havent talked with anybody #ive been trying to get into therapy for months but for various reasons that's been not happening #also im barely getting the medication i need #some of which was never meant to do the thing i want it to do! #literally #we saw a new doctor because we moved to a whole new place andhe told us straight up that the medicine wasn't actually doing shit #i've been taking it for a few years probably and its never actually been helping me! #our old doctors fhjdkslh #i kinda wish i could strangel them!!! #fucking christ i need therapy to happen #the soonest it can is maybe june??? #june is when we can at least figure out what options i have and when they're open #Plus i generally feel like shit asking for help about anything #and have a hard time talking to my own family about shit #which is why im posting on tumblr about probably having a disability instead of telling my parents haha #i mentioned possibly being autistic to my mom once and she said i dont have autistic vibes #and when i told her i probably had depression and was having suicidal thoughts she said it was just teenage horomones

[kjqhaujdffjryakhf]

hate hate HATE doctors

#update on my ears: they suspect csom now? and thats gonna be a $100 treatment that might not do anything and $40 in weekly- #medicine (not sure for how long??) if it does #also apparently the other place we went to chasing a couple diagnoses (autism mainly rn. i WISH it was for more) was supposed to send us a- #lettr abt referral stuff. in fucking JANUARY. they never sent it and we only found out today #also my mum says their referall place might be too expensive to even consider lol so #which means potentiall hell regarding the benefit im on. its all so sucks rn #dont even get me started on the fact my mum is the one in charge of handling all my stuff and she fucks it up so badly #never comes to me abt stuff and only chooses what SHE wants me getting seen/diagnosed for and has to do it HER way #hence why the only long-term thing im handling rn is the autism. not my choice !! #hgfghjkj complaining done im soooo. im gonna go lie down

[usereddie]

k but rewatching 2x01 and it's gotta be Buck's pov of ugh, this new guy who's all handsome and perfect or whatever

Be curious about Eddie's pov bc I feel like it would be 70% Panic like omg pls don't mess this up and also 30% Gay Panic like why doesn't the pretty guy like me :(

(fair warning, this may have spiraled past 2x01......a lot. bear with me.)

i don't think we've ever gotten eddie's pov the way we've gotten buck's (2x01 and 7x04 for example) HOWEVER i do think we more or less know who buck is from eddie's pov through his actions.

which, considering their characters, tracks so hard.

buck didn't realize he was queer until a man quite literally kissed him on the mouth. seeing eddie from buck's pov is safe because buck has no idea what his feelings are. we watched buck's complicated feelings of jealousy towards eddie unfold TWICE and neither time did he realize what the feelings actually were (physical attraction and y'know. being in love with the guy). buck's pov is one we're allowed to see through as the audience, because it's not actually gonna tell us much, seeing as buck hasn't realized anything.

eddie, though?

reservoir of catholic guilt eddie? the guy who had panic attacks about the idea of being married to his girlfriend? the same man who was diagnosed repressed by a cardiologist?

he knows. he knows and he's been pushing it down since he and buck met, and if we were to ever see buck through eddie's eyes it'd give away everything. the eddie we've seen through buck's pov is just. pure golden sunshine, laughter, love, and buck's best friend in the whole fucking world. buck's best friend that he's in love with, sure, but buck hasn't put those dots together yet, so we, as the audience, won't see that.

buck, to eddie, is home. is family and warmth and comfort. and, obviously, eddie is the same to buck, but eddie knows this. eddie is fully and completely aware of who buck is to him, he's just shoving it all the way down. eddie gave buck a place to land ("it's eddie's house, i'm not really a guest"), eddie trusts buck wish christopher more than he trusts his parents with christopher (ramon and helena saying to eddie 'don't drag him down with you' and him leaving for LA -> eddie saying to buck 'there's nobody in this world i trust with my son more than you' after the tsunami), eddie let buck in when he was at his absolute lowest.

and, you know.

the will.

we've talked about it a half dozen million times in this fandom but we're gonna talk about it again because it's brain melting. we've never seen buck through eddie's eyes but we've seen exactly who he is to eddie through his actions. eddie trusts buck. eddie needs buck to know he has a reason to stay, that eddie and chris are his reasons to stay. eddie told buck flat out that his life means something. that buck thinks he's not worth anything but he's wrong because he means everything to eddie. eddie loves him.

eddie loved him when he held his hand when buck got pinned under a firetruck and eddie loved him when he dropped chris off before the tsunami and he still loved him when the water went back to the sea and eddie loved him when buck sued the city because the worst part of the whole lawsuit was how much he fucking missed him and eddie loved him when he was trapped under a well and all he could think about was his son and how, if he goes too soon, christopher deserves to be with someone who will love him the way eddie does and eddie loved him when he thought buck was the last thing he was ever gonna see, bleeding out on the streets of los angeles and eddie loved him when he told buck in the only way he knew how to (because, evan) and eddie loved him through panic attacks and mental breakdowns and lightning strikes and new girlfriends and a broken ankle and a new boyfriend because there is no version of eddie diaz that isn't in love with evan buckley.

and eddie knows that.

which is why we don't see it.

#sorry this got so long but this makes me crazayyyy #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bia gets mail #anon #buddie meta

[alienwithaguitar]

Does anyone else think this Wilbur thing has been blown way out of proportion? First of all, I am in FULL support of Shelby and am not defending Wilbur. As a victim myself, I sympathize with her story, and I will never discredit her experiences. But this community is going to extremes that make me so fucking uncomfortable.

What people forget is that Wilbur has a record label. He CAN'T say whatever he wants. There’s a reason he made a statement not an apology, why Lovejoy hasn’t said anything, why he never mentioned Shelby by name, why he didn’t apologize- because making promises can get you in legal trouble. One of the first things you learn about car accidents is to not apologize, even if it's your fault, because that will be used against you in court. Admissions can even get you in trouble for things you didn’t do, if the other party decides to push for that. He’s almost certainly not allowed to apologize because his record label can't risk the legal trouble. We can excuse Quackity for making poor statements for the same reason, so why can't we keep that energy here?

Wilbur has always been an unstable man. As a long time fan and someone who heavily relates to YCGMA’s themes of being awful and feeling like you’ll never get better, he struggles with a lot of mental problems. His persona has been built around manic, destructive tendencies and that’s something that’s been a part of his brand for YEARS. He's brought up drugs and alcohol use in the past, and one of his closest friends recently passed away, which certainly only added to things. Mental health isn't an excuse, but it is a REASON. (Listen to Mammalian Sighing Reflex and tell me it doesn’t resemble compilations of artists deteriorating as they lose their sanity)

I don’t understand how anyone can actively want him to kill himself. Or wish that he gets worse. You can’t claim to be an advocate for mental health and helping victims if you don’t want EVERYONE involved getting serious help. Wilbur needs therapy, he needs to atone if either of them want to heal. Nobody has to forgive him, or welcome him back into their life, but he absolutely deserves the chance to fix himself to ensure this doesn’t happen AGAIN. 

If you can seriously say that you want him to get worse, and you don’t care about his mental health, then you DON'T care about victims. Leaving a destructive man to rot alone WILL lead to repeat events in the future. As someone with multiple diagnoses for debilitating mental illnesses, when I was at my lowest, I hurt myself. I hurt other people. Mental illness isn’t cute shit you put in your bio. It's terrifying, isolating, exhausting. And if I wasn’t given a chance at therapy and healing, I could have continued hurting people for the rest of my life.

These tweets just confirm none of you actually care about mentally ill people, it's all situational and performative. This is the most clear cry for help I've seen and you're feeding into it. Most of you will never understand what debilitating mental illness is like, how easy it is to hurt people you care about. You can hate him, be pissed, wish he never did it, deplatform him, I AM TOO! But nobody involved would be happy if he killed himself. These are real people, not characters in a soap drama. Actively wishing for him to kill himself is disgusting. If you care at all about Shelby getting closure, Wilbur needs to understand what he did wrong and fix it, so she can move on.

Also the lying I’ve seen is so stupid. The spotify stuff is fake. Anyone who’s a casual fan of Wilbur has known for a long time that’s not his spotify account. It’s a fan account that posts unofficial versions of his songs. So easily debunked and yet people still hold it against him??

Again, I'm in FULL support of Shelby. I fully condemn his actions, and as a victim I'm so proud of her for speaking up. But at the end of the day, we’re people. I'm glad many of you have never had the kind of debilitating downward spiral that leads to you hurting yourself and others, but if you think that makes it okay to wish an unstable man takes his life, then you can’t say you’re a mental health advocate. Take care of yourselves, please think twice about your own morals if you're sitting around hoping fans and creators commit suicide.

If you are one of the people actively waiting for him to kill himself, I pray that you never find yourself hurting others at your lowest, and I pray that people show you the kindness you didn't give to him.

#not a wilbur defense post #but its still important to consider #wilbur #wilbursoot #wilbur soot #shelby #shelby shubble #shubble

[animeyanderelover]

Prompt 153 "Tell me how much you love me whilst I fuck you into the mattress.” For Muzan?

I’m so excited for the new season to come out. By the way, I'm not sure who exactly his real parents were back in the Heian era so this is conjured up by my own imagination. This is one of the darker pieces that I have written so be aware of that.

@leveyani @kanaosprotector

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, manipulation, violence, death, afab s/o, Nsfw, blood kink, dacryphilia, degradation, non-con, s/o starts bleeding during sex

Words: 5.9k

Prompt 153

“Muzan?”

You called out hesitantly as you stepped onto the property of his family's residency. It was already night, a chilly breeze blowing through the district that made you shudder in the yukata that you had hastily put on when you had been notified by one of his other servants that the young lord had wished for your presence. Had something happened? Had his health further deteriorated? The servant hadn't answered you any of those questions as they had quickly left you as soon as they had delivered the message. But they had looked terrified for whatever reason.

Obviously you were worried about Muzan as you had been his personal maid for years now and had stayed with him despite his fragile condition. You had stayed up many nights whenever he had been bedridden and had always accompanied him whenever his health had been slightly better and he had wished to go outside. You had even been there when a doctor had diagnosed him with a terminal illness that would kill him before he could even reach the young age of 20 years.

The mortified look on Muzan's face, the angry glint in his eyes, his shaky hands as he had grabbed the doctor with the weak strength he still possessed in his sick condition as he had hissed at the doctor in sheer wrath yet also fear, had demanded from him to find a cure only for you to quickly help him to lay down again when a coughing fit had suddenly sized him.

It was a terrible memory as you had never felt as hopeless before as back then, unable to help Muzan to escape from the inevitable death that had been trying to take him from the moment he had been in his mother's womb. Even your words hadn't been able to soothe him from that moment on. In fact it had been from that moment on that he had started rejecting you completely for reasons you didn't fully understand but had accepted silently anyways. You knew that you were only a servant and hadn't been able to truly feel angry at him. Muzan was lonely and confused, scared and angry. You hadn't been able to blame him for his behavior. It had still come as a shock when you had been informed that he had told the remaining few servants in the household that he didn't wish to see you anymore yet you had swallowed your sadness and confusion and had moved on by helping your parents.

Yet here you were again. It hadn't been that long since you had been last here but for some reason it still felt strange. Precisely because you had spent so many days of your life here were you able to notice that something felt off. You couldn't detect any other sounds which was strange because normally some servants would still be awake at this time and enjoy some quiet time for themselves. You could also not see any light behind the shoji doors nor were any of the lanterns outside lit up for your arrival. The only source of light was the crescent hanging in the sky.

"Hello?" You called out again, this time in a slightly raised voice, your eyes trying to decipher anything within the compound that would indicate that someone was there. You just needed the validation that your gut feeling was lying to you by seeing a servant somewhere or just seeing anyone on here who belonged here.

You gulped comedically loud, the sound of you swallowing cutting through the thick silence that made you fidgety, your hands unable to relax as you clutched the thin material of your yukata in your sweaty palms. You didn't know what to do. No one was here to welcome you, to invite you inside and the uneasy feeling somewhere deep inside your stomach warned you that something was wrong and that you should leave. You just stood there within the residency, contemplating if you should leave and just come back tomorrow.

"(y/n)."

You nearly jumped when you heard Muzan's voice from somewhere. You looked up in surprise, eyes flying over the scenery before you spotted his silhoutte. You hadn't heard him at all and wondered when exactly he had appeared. On the other hand you could only see very little due to the darkness anyways so it was just likely that you had missed him because of the lack of lanterns being lit.

"What are you just standing there? I believe that I ordered you to return to me, didn't I?"

There it was again. The knot of anxiety somewhere in the pit of your stomach that only tightened when you heard his voice. He sounded... so cold. His voice held a strong and confident tone that you had never heard before yet there was also this underlying tone of iciness that you just hadn't expected to hear when he was talking to you.

"Forgive me, please. It's just that I saw no one awaiting my arrival so I was unsure if I could just enter without any permission." You quickly spoke when you pulled yourself out of your slightly shocked state. You bowed to express your apology before you straightened again. Your eyes tried to recognize his face yet it was hidden by the shadow of the roof as the moonlight only shone enough to help you identify the rough outline of his body and the dark robe with a pattern you couldn't discern.

He seemed to consider your reply for a while, to gauge your every reaction before you could spot him turning around.

"Don't make me wait again the next time."

Again you were caught off guard by the coldness in his voice but you did not let him wait this time as you picked up his silent command to follow him. You quickly removed your shoes before you went after him. As you had already expected from the looks outside the house, inside was no light on at all. No lanterns, no fire, no nothing. It was even darker than it was outside as the only natural light from the moon could only reach so far inside. As your sight was so greatly restricted, you found your steps being hesitant and slow as if afraid that you would stumble over something otherwise. Even now that you were inside, you could still hear nothing. It was almost as if only Muzan was in here but that wasn't possible. There were the other servants, there were his parents and also the doctor who had recently visited Muzan with the promise of finding a cure to his illness.

Were all of them asleep already?

"I thought I just told you to not make me wait. Is there a reason for you to ignore my words again?"

The clear tinge of displeasure in his voice was palpable to you as he stopped walking for a moment. Your steps came to an abrupt hold too. You were shuffling your feet nervously in an attempt to deal with the tension in the air.

“Muzan…where are the other servants?”

There was no answer. Only the thick silence that made you slowly break out in cold sweat. Had you said something wrong?

“You’re here for me. You’re my maid. What the rest of the servants are up to should be none of your concern.”

You bowed your head when you could now hear the sharp disdain in his tone, the clear annoyance he now felt for your behavior.

“I-I’m sorry. I won’t ask again.”

You kept your head low, didn’t dare to look up. It was only when you heard his footsteps walking again that you looked back up and did your best to follow him. You didn’t want to be scolded again. There were so many questions and worries in your mind yet you had to silence them all.

When Muzan slid open the shoji doors which led to his room, you were right behind him. You could very faintly identify some furniture within the room, even though the lack of any candlelight made you still uneasy.

Both of you stood there, in his room where you had catered to his health for so many nights on end. It was a room more familiar to you than your parent’s house yet you had never felt more uncomfortable than in this moment. You stood silently right behind him, not moving and not speaking until he would do it first.

“Sit down.”

You slowly bent your knees down, your fingers stretching out to feel the floor beneath you so that you wouldn’t accidentally sit on something that was laying on the ground. As soon as you were seated on the floor, you folded your hands politely in your lap. Your eyes kept on glancing at his form briefly before going back to your lap.

“Stay here and wait for me.”

You nodded your head, although you weren’t even sure if he could even see it due to the darkness. You could sense his body passing your own sitting on the ground before he was gone, even his footsteps disappearing after a while. That’s when you let out a deep breath you hadn’t even been aware that you had held in. Your chest felt heavy as you took deep breaths to regulate your beating heart. The pressure and anxiety you had been feeling since he had found you outside had had a bigger toll on you than you had anticipated.

Muzan was your master and you held him dear in your heart but within the confinement of the heavy darkness, you found yourself dreading his return.

It was the beam of light that caught your attention whilst you were sitting and waiting for him. You could see it through the shoji doors as the brightness approached where you were. There was a sense of security washing over you when you saw the light. When the doors were slid open, your surroundings were instantly dipped in the dull yet warm light of the lantern Muzan had brought with him. Relief took hold of you when you could finally see your surroundings better. You wanted to thank Muzan for his consideration but your words got lost in your throat when you were finally able to take your first good look at his face.

He had always been pale as he had been forced to spend most of his days inside, sick and bedridden. Right now, even in the gentle glow of the lantern he was holding up, you could see that his skin was paler than it had ever been before. It almost reminded you of the drained face of a dead person. Only that Muzan didn’t look like he was close to death. The dark rings under his eyes were gone and you were sure that he had gained muscles on what used to be a fragile and ill body.

What caught you by surprise the most were the plum red eyes that were looking at you. Muzan had never had red eyes. His stare was cruel and unforgiving and it matched the cold tone he had used on you ever since you had returned. Those red eyes made your chest tighten, made you hyperaware of every breath you struggled to take in as quietly as possible. Your mind was racing, trying to come up with an explanation of what you were seeing right now.

“You-you look a lot…better.” You spoke with an audible tremble in your voice. You had wanted to say “healthy” at first but this sickly pale skin of his didn’t allow you to do so.

The silence didn’t break with your words as you had hoped. Instead it only increased your uncomfortableness and nervousness as those red eyes appeared to stare straight into your soul. You had to suppress the urge to swallow, his look giving you the impression that by merely opening your mouth you would do something to displease him.

Muzan put the lantern wordlessly down, his gaze focusing on the source of light for a moment before he turned away. He wasn’t looking at you though, his back facing you as he turned into the other direction. You could see how he lifted up one of his hands, curling it into a fist before uncurling it again. He did this multiple times, flexing the muscles on his arm as if needing the reassurance that it was real.

“The medicine worked.”

It should have been a sentence that would bring you joy and relief. Muzan was healed. He would live. Yet why didn’t he sound happy? Why did he sound so angry?

“That’s a good thing… You must be relieved.” You still decided to say, although you made it sound more like a question than a statement.

When he turned his head around and his crushing gaze found yours, you almost felt the weight on your shoulders. Your body sank further down, your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low as you attempted to make yourself smaller. You should have just stayed quiet after all.

“Relieved?”

Your heart dropped when he closed the distance between you two with a few long strides. Chills erupted all over your skin when icy hands grabbed your face and forced you to look up. So cold. His skin was so cold that it felt like the hands of death were gripping your face tightly. Red eyes were blazing with such anger and frustration, his pupils narrowing into slits as his nails dug into the skin of your face.

“It’s not enough, (y/n). I’m close… So close to becoming the perfect being and yet I’m being it denied. How can I feel relieved when I can’t walk in the sun?”

His glare was scorching and freezing you at the same time as cold sweat started coating your skin. Your breath was shaky, your heartbeat drumming against your rib cage as you squirmed in his hold. You didn’t understand anything that he was saying. It sounded like he had lost it yet there was this twisted anguish on his face that gave you a bad feeling.

“Muzan…You’re hurting me!”

You cried out as your hands started grasping his biceps to pry his hands away from your face. His nails were embedded in your skin and had already created crescent-shaped imprints. The hold he had on you was still tightening as his emotions of anger seemed to overflow. You were afraid that his nails would break through your skin at any moment.

That’s when he suddenly let go of you and pushed you forcefully back. Your body flew backwards before your back made a sudden and forceful impact with the floor beneath you. A pained groan left your lips, your hands grasping the material of the futon that was lying behind you. Your breath left your mouth in stuttering patterns, tears gathering in your eyes as you looked up at Muzan like a scared child.

Your chest tightened and your lips started wobbling. Those plum red eyes were unforgiving and cruel as they scrutinized you without any hint of sympathy.

“What did you do to all the servants and your parents?”

The words had left you before you had been able to even grasp your thoughts. You didn’t even know from where these words had come from. When you felt a knot in your chest though, one consisting of anxiety and fear, you knew from where those words had originated from. It was a bad foreboding that had now manifested as you tried to endure his cruel eyes.

Nothing on his face changed. The cruelty, the coldness, the apathy remained on it as he answered your question.

“I killed them.”

His words were so uncaring, so indifferent that it almost made your heart stop. You couldn’t even begin to phantom how anyone could talk so detached about people who had cared for them their entire lives.

However…if he had killed all of them…Why had he called you here?

You scrambled slowly away from him as if slower movements wouldn’t trigger him to jump on you. Your heart was hurting from its racing speed and your chest felt as if it was made out of stone as every breath you drew in felt difficult.

“You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?”

Your voice sounded pathetic as you whimpered the accusation. You couldn’t help it though, you were too scared to care about this. At your words, Muzan tilted his head in a dangerous way as if the sound of your soft crying annoyed him.

“Kill you?”

You couldn’t quite tell if the short flicker of pitiful amusement was only an imagination of your hearing or not. Your body started stiffening when he stepped closer to you. Every movement felt heavy as it felt like your limbs had been turned into stone when you shuffled away from him again. Your movements looked clumsy, a strong contrast to his own. There was confidence in every twitch of his muscles, his eyes glowing with a new emotion that you pinpointed down to be anticipation and desire. His gaze was so intense, so thorough that you felt vulnerable and exposed as if those eyes had stripped you completely naked.

When he finally knelt down to your height, your breath got caught in your throat. You could almost feel the inhumane coldness of his skin and as a reaction goosebumps started to appear all over your skin.

Your stomach was twisting and turning with nausea as you saw his eyes traveling over the swell of your breasts and the curves of your body. You felt violated but there was also a steady fear rising inside of you due to the lust you saw in his piercing red orbs.

"I didn't call you here to kill you." He began as one of his hands came up to rest on your hips, his thumb digging into the skin of your pelvis. Your throat closed up when he leaned close, too close for you.

"I want something else from you."

No...

You couldn't stop the salty tears from cascading down your cheeks as you shook your head in useless resistance. Your hands trying to push against his toned chest did nothing as he pushed you down, your body halfway on the futon and halfway on the tatami floor.

"Undress."

He told, no, demanded from you in an authoritarian voice that almost made you want to obey out of fear of what would happen if you wouldn't do as he said. Apparently your hesitation was already enough to anger him as you could see from the way his eyes narrowed as he observed you.

"What's wrong?"

Your mouth was agape as you tried to force anything out of your mouth.

"I-I don't want to do this." You ultimately spoke, honestly expressing your emotions as you started sobbing in silent terror. Your vision was blurry as the tears wouldn't stop.

A short burning flicker of anger you had never seen been directed at you before his cold palm struck you with a strength that made your head nearly collide with the floor. You started crying harder as you felt the hot and pulsing pain on the entire half of your face.

Muzan had just hit you. He had never done this before.

"Have you forgotten that you are my servant? A servant doesn't speak up against their master. Do you understand, (y/n)? Do you understand why I have to punish disobedience?"

You were looking at him with wide eyes. You felt the urge to throw up but you swallowed the acetous bile down your throat as you bit your lips in pain and nodded.

"If you understand, then do as I say."

With the pain still throbbing on the side of your face, your hands shakily peeled off all the layers of your clothing. You could see now that your entire body had started trembling. Fear, shame and humiliation were all mixing together in your core as you could see the greed and the lust in his eyes.

He was now right above you, his long hair touching your face as his hands rested on either side of your head.

"That's better. Now do the same for me."

You had to muffle your cries by biting your lips as you shuffled around to get his robes off of him. Your warm body was forced to touch his cold one as you did so and you didn't know if you were only imagining it but you could have sworn that you could his heartbeat from multiple parts of his body at once. His eyes monitored your shaky hands closely as you slowly pushed his own yukata off of his body. When you saw his already half-erect cock, you had to really suppress the urge to dry heave.

"That wasn't that hard now, was it? That's a good girl."

You flinched when the same hand which had struck you was now caressing your stinging face, the coolness of his skin now almost soothing your burning cheek.

Your hands, still clutching his shed yukata tightly as a way to vent out some of your turbulent emotions slowly pulled back to your own body. Only that they were stopped when Muzan grabbed your wrist and stopped you.

"Your job isn't done yet."

You knew exactly what he meant when you glanced back to his half-hard member. You wanted to cry, to scream to push him away and run but all of those urges were eclipsed by the overwhelming fear his eyes alone spawned inside of you. So you could only continue sobbing silently as you forced your trembling fingers around his cock and started squeezing and rubbing up and down his pale shaft all whilst Muzan was watching you, only adding to your growing shame.

The only thing you were grateful for was that the tears flowing down your face blurred your vision so that you couldn't notice every vein visible on his hardening manhood. You had to really focus on not pulling away the moment you felt the pre-cum on the tip of his penis that was smeared all over his shaft and your palms as you slid your hands steadily and clumsily over his dick. Through your tears you could barely see the way his eyes twitched occasionally, his brows knitting as he forced you to pleasure his cock.

"Stop."

You pulled back almost too fast and for a moment you were worried that you had offended him. When he forced you to spread your legs further apart though, you knew that he had other plans with you now. You could only watch through your tear-stained eyelashes how he positioned yourself and how he took one last anticipating look at your body.

He gave you no warning and no preparation before he brutally entered you dry. You let out a scream as he forced himself with one smack of his hips fully inside of you, your tight walls in searing pain as they struggled to adapt to the rapid intrusion. Your legs were cramping and kicking around, your hands grasped the futon beneath you tightly until your knuckles turned white. You saw black dots dancing across your vision as you could only gasp for breath whilst tasting your own salty tears. The burning pain spread from your lower regions to your stomach, your gut churning around and pushing the acidic bile up your throat again.

You wanted to beg him to pull out or to at least have enough mercy to give your body some time to prepare but the pain cut out your ability to speak as only whimpers could leave your mouth. Perhaps even if you would have begged him, he wouldn't have listened.

"Tell me how much you love me whilst I fuck you into the mattress.”

That is the only warning you got yet your scrambling mind still isn’t prepared when he starts thrusting in and out of you with the same brutal hip movements without giving you any break. You could barely catch a break as he pulled out almost completely until only his tip was kissing your burning hole before thrusting with full force back inside of you until his hips met your own. Your whole body was bouncing with every intense slap of his hips and your sobbing only continued as every intrusion of his cock in your most sacred body part renewed the pain. You could barely process what was happening around you, the pain all-consuming.

Muzan and you were on completely different spectrums of emotions. Every thrust of his body that brought you agony brought him sparking pleasure. Tight. You were so deliciously tight as your warm walls struggled to wrap around his thick girth. He had always known this but now he could really feel that you were a virgin. Untainted, unclaimed and ripe for him to take.

He had always fantasized about what you would feel even when he had been sick and weak. But even his greatest dreams could have never prepared him for the euphoric feeling of plunging inside those plush virgin walls and shaping your insides to take him in perfectly. It was exhilarating. It was euphoric. And it wouldn't be the last time.

You let out a strangled sob when he suddenly grabbed your hips and lifted them up, allowing his dick to disappear even deeper into parts that no one before him had ever had the pleasure of experiencing. He intended to keep it that way.

Sweat and tears were coating your face, your stomach twisting and turning in a nauseating mixture of pain, disgust and the occasional spark of growing pleasure. As hard as you tried, it was impossible to ignore the feeling of his length defiling you and brushing against your seared and sensitive walls.

When he ankled his cock in a particular way, you let out a shriek as the pain abruptly exploded and ripped away at your insides. Your cries rose in volumes in response yet Muzan didn't slow down at all.

You made the mistake of glancing down and when you saw his cock sliding in and out of you, coated in the little bit of slick you had started producing and your own blood, you wanted to throw up. The sight went right through yout intestines and you started heaving. You pressed the back of your hand against your mouth, trying your best to suppress the gagging reflex that threatened to cause you to vomit.

The moment he tore something inside of you and caused you to bleed though, you heard a growl coming from him. You dared to glance up at him and felt your blood freezing. You saw his eyes turning to thin slits as his nostrils flared up as he took in the sweet aroma of your blood. His lips parted as he bared his sharp teeth, his pupils quivering as if he was a wild animal about to devour his prey. His gaze flew down, staring at the part of your body where both of you merged and at the sight of your blood, he could feel his mouth salivating. Even your blood was lovely.

It took some willpower before he was able to tear his gaze away from your bleeding vagina and back to your face. You were a mess. Your face was sticky with hot sweat, tears and snot all running down your face. You looked at him with such despair in your eyes, your mouth trying to form words but unable to let out anything else besides sobs that probably would have broken the heart of everyone else. But Muzan wasn't everyone else.

His head was suddenly pressed against your neck, taking in deep breaths as he could hear and feel your racing pulse against his cold lips and the flowing blood right beneath your skin.

When one of his hands roughly seized your shoulder to stop you from squirming so much and you could already feel his tongue drawing over your skin as if searching for a good spot to start, your trembles intensified. Yet you knew that you could do nothing as you felt another additional pain when sharp teeth bit into your flesh and you could feel the vibrations of a growling moan of pleasure resonating somewhere from deep within his chest.

Your sweet blood melted on his tongue as he dug his tongue into the wound, greedy for more of it. It was a delicate and flavourful taste, far better than any of the flesh he had tasted from his parents and all the other servants.

You were shaking, heaving, sobbing as everything became too much for you and all the different sensations overwhelmed you and slaughtered your coherent thoughts and senses. The searing pain between your legs, your guts clenching around whatever food was still being digested inside of you, your body heaving the acidic taste up to the back of your throat only for you to swallow it constantly down again, the skin of your face tingling with all the salty tears streaming down, the burning sting of the bites Muzan placed all over your shoulders and chest, the multiple heartbeats you could feel through his cold skin as he pressed you beneath his body further into his futon and somewhere in between all of that the dull knot of pleasure somewhere else in your body.

All of it melted together into one giant blop of sensations that blackened your vision and made your ears ring. Everything felt overwhelming to in one moment and then dull and distant in the next moment as your brain started shutting down.

You wanted to embrace that pitch-black nothingness, you could almost grasp it...

Then something tore through all of your senses like a tsunami with such an intensity that for a few seconds you were wide awake. Your eyes flew open, your whole body was trembling with spasms and you opened your mouth to let out a high-pitched scream as it came over you and held you in its hold for a few seconds. You felt your walls clamping down around Muzan's length and somewhere within the depth of your mind you finally understood that you were having an orgasm as your vision was overwritten by pure white for a few fleeting moments before it all stopped as abruptly as it had come and your body fell limply back onto the futon.

You could still feel Muzan snapping his pelvis against your own, his speed increasing as he could feel your own body coming around his cock before with one last grunt he pressed himself as deeply inside of your bleeding warmth as possible as he reached his own orgasm. You could faintly feel thick spurts of cum staining your insides as he kept on grinding his pelvis against yours for a few seconds to fully ride his orgasm out before he stopped.

You didn't know what he was planning to do now and you didn't care anymore either. All you cared about were those dark spots taking over your vision, promising you temporary release from all of this.

"You haven't told me yet."

Through your slowly darkening vision, you could make out his face. There was a frown on his face that expressed his mild annoyance but for whatever reason he didn't seem as mad as he had been before. Perhaps because he had released all pent-up emotions on you.

Your mind was working very slowly as you tried to understand what he meant. What did he want you to say?

"Tell me that you love me." He repeated for you and you could faintly recall that he had said that before he had raped you and abused you. You stared at him as your mind started drifting away, his face slowly vanishing until only those red eyes remained that seemed to find you even in this darkness. You could only feel it from far away when he started thrusting inside of you again, not done with you yet.

"I love you. More than anyone else." Was the only coherent thing you were able to conjure up before your consciousness was swallowed by the dark nothingness where even those haunting red eyes couldn't reach you...

---

Your head was propped up by him with one arm as the other one gently pushed a cup of water through your lips and teeth, forcing the cooling liquid down your dry and burning throat. You looked for the first time on that night peaceful within the depths of unconsciousness where he couldn't reach you yet. A part of the demon didn't want you to have this rest. He wanted to force you to say his name over and over again and have you screaming that you belonged to him whilst cumming around his dick yet he had to remain himself that you were only a human. Weak and limited.

He had been like that not too long ago too, only that he had been even weaker than you had been. His entire life had been nothing but a pathetic fight against death and his own useless body. Now that Muzan had been stripped off his humanity and mortality though, he felt a confidence and strength that he had never been able to experience before.

As he gazed at your sleeping face, he couldn't help but reminisce about how long he had been longing for you already yet had been tied down by his own sick body. He had always wanted to ask for you to marry him yet he had been far too ashamed of his own pathetic condition to do so. So when he had been told that he wouldn't even live longer than twenty years, the desperation had crushed him as he had realized something.

That you would never be his. That you would move on after his death, marry a healthy and strong man, bear his children and eventually completely forget about him. He hadn't even been able to look at you after the visit from the doctor without imagining it. How dare you being able to forget about him? Bitterness had tarnished him and had turned his love for you partially into hatred as he had started harboring a resentment against you and your kind words tainted in pity for his health. Every gaze and every action from your side had felt like an insult to him as he had grown to fully despise how you had secretly looked down on him for his inevitable death. It had always felt wrong.

Now everything was right though. Now everything was finally as it should have been from the start.

He took notice of the way you started shuddering when he wrapped his arms around you, his body not providing any warmth for you. He narrowed his eyes, contemplating something before he grabbed the blanket that was lying on the end of the futon before wrapping it around you, giving you the warmth you were seeking for subconsciously. Then he wrapped his arms around you again, hoping that the blanket would shield you from his cold skin. He pressed his face against the back of your neck, taking deep breaths of the stenching smell of blood, sweat, tears and sex clinging to your skin.

He would have to keep you inside the house as soon as the sun would rise but it was very unlikely that you would be able to move your body around in the first place after he had finally claimed you.

He finally had you. The only thing that was missing now was the Blue Spider Lily...

#yandere kimetsu no yaiba #yandere kny #yandere demon slayer #yandere muzan #yandere kibutsuji muzan

[misguidedasgardian]

Blurred Lines / Prologue

MASTERLIST

Summary: Your separation with Harwin wasn’t easy, specially with his oldest son hanging around your home 

Warnings: Cursing, cheating, adultery, talks about body shaming, talks about postpartum depression, therapy, Harwin is a c*nt, for reals, like, sorry, I love him, sorry sorry, misogynistic beliefs, body shaming, again, Harwin is not a good person on this… 

Wordcount: X K

Notes: Uff this is a tough one, I never thought I’d write something like this, it quite evolved from Jace’s darkish spicy one shot with Alicent, so it wasn’t really a surprise that it evolved into this actually, jeje well, have fun, and i think that in the future I’ll write the other one too, “the boy next door” muahaha

“She is 21 Harwin! what the fuck is wrong with you!?”

“It just happened!”, Jace looked up, almost rolling his eyes at the back of his skull

“She is the same age as your oldest child!”, you whined

 “I never meant for it to get this far..”

“It’s been happening for three months, Harwin!”, your broken voice made him shiver as he played with a rubber ball against the wall of his room

“We haven’t had sex in forever”, he heard his father said

“Because you…”, he raised his head off of his pillow, wanting to heard what she was supposed to say, but he didn’t hear anything else, “I can’t do this”, Jace smiled wickedly

He knew it was a matter of time before his father screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him, well, after he and his brothers

“What do you mean?”, he asked

“I think you should leave”, you whined

“The boys are sleeping in here”, he said

“Tomorrow they go back to Rhaenyra’s, sleep on the couch”, your voice sounded so broken, the only thing he wanted to do was hug you tightly against his chest 

“We can work through this”, he said, so faintly Jace almost missed it

“No we can’t”

“Think of Aerea, she is only two”

“I wish you had thought of her when you were having an affair with your secretary, of all people Harwin, like, really? that cliché?”

“She was there, when you wouldn’t…”, you said nothing, and Jace, even through the wall of his room, could feel the tension rising in the living room, just next door

You were discussing in shushes, but he could still hear you clearly, and smiled about it 

“Say something”

“What would you like me to say?”

“Yell at me, throw something at my head… something…”, he said

“Your sons and our daughter are sleeping under this roof”, you sounded devastated, but he couldn’t hear tears and sobs, and that made it worse

“We can work through this”, he repeated

“No we can’t”, you said back

“We can go to therapy”, he continued

“Harwin, when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, you wouldn’t go with me”, Jace opened his eyes widely, “In my worst days, you weren’t there in that sofa with me, but now you are willing to go to fix your own fuck up?”

“Please, it will be different this time”, he whispered 

“Don’t touch me”, and then is when Jace got ready to pounce, if his father didn’t relent, he didn't know what was happening, but if he heard you asking him to release you one more time, he was going to jump his own father

“Please, my love”

“You disgust me Harwin, even thinking about touching you makes my skin crawl”

“I’m still me, I’m the same person you married”, he said

“That man died when you told me you didn’t want to touch me five months after Aerea was born, when you confessed, while drunk, that you couldn’t stand looking at my stretch marks, that my postpartum body disgusted you” 

“I didn’t mean any of those things”

“But you did Harwin, you never fucked me again, not for the lack of trying, it was humiliating”... there was an awful silence, in which, Jace couldn’t believe how the fucking planets were aligning for him, “so exactly what is it that you want to salvage? your second failed marriage? too much humiliation for you?”

“No… I love you”, he heard him say, “I realize now I need help, professional help, let’s get therapy…”

“I don’t want to fight anymore Harwin”, you whispered, Jace had to stuck his head to the wall

“Good, me neither”, he said, relieved

“No, I don’t want to fight anymore, for us”

“You don’t want to fight for us?”, he asked back

“No”, Jace could laugh in relief, as his hopes and dreams were suddenly materializing

While your world was crashing down around you

The worst part? as you admitted you didn’t want to forgive him, that you didn’t want to “work” in fixing something you didn't even break yourself, you saw in your soon to be x-husband, the pain and heartbreak

Harwin had always been so easy to read, his eyes said it all, not that his mouth didn’t. If he was happy you could tell, in the way he talked, and moved, if he had a rough day at work (which he hadn't in the last couple of months), you would have known before he even opened the door, only the slam on his own car door would tell you in what mood he was in, even as he opened the door and stepped in to the house.

And now? he looked completely devastated, as you told him you didn’t want to forgive him, that you didn't want to “work things out”

“You are going to throw it all away?”, he asked

“You did Harwin, when you started to fuck your 21 year-old secretary, of all people”, you whined, “like, really? she could be your daughter”

“I did it because… I was stressed, she was there, we haven’t been… intimate, since a long time”, you where whispering now, your temper had subsided, and it was true, you had your daughter, and Harwin’s kids from his first marriage sleeping in your home, you couldn’t wake them 

“How do you expect me to be intimate with you Harwin?”, you asked, eyes filling with tears of anger and humiliation, “after what you said to me that night?”

“I was drunk”

“Even if you were, actions speak louder than words don’t they? you were the one who rejected me at every turn for the past year, only started fucking me again when you started doing your secretary, its disgusting” 

Your eyes traveled to the papers you had printed, that harlot had the audacity of emailing you texts and conversations between them.

The fact is, that you had grown apart from your husband after Aerea was born, you got into a deep postpartum depression, you didn’t want to leave the house, you had to admit, you let yourself go, and Harwin wasn’t there, he didn’t even believed in therapy, and wouldn’t go with you as much as you had implored him to.

But you found comfort in your daughter, and when she started growing into a beautiful, kind, smart, calm little girl, you wanted to think you flourish again, you began cooking for yourself and Harwin, no more takeout, you stopped wearing sweats, you started moving move, your body slowly coming back to where it was, but it hasn't yet, you had made your peace, he hadn't

Aerea was the perfect little girl, and that did wonders for your deep doubts and PPD.

“Please”, he whispered, grabbing your upper arms, “I can change… I would do anything for you”

“Then give me time”, you begged him, “please, move out, I can’t even dared to look at you right now”, you whispered, releasing myself from his grasp

“I have the kids a week on and off, where am I going to go?”, he said then

“Well, I’ll go, I’ll take Aerea and go to my godmother’s”, you offered, and now he looked panicked

“No, is alright, the kids leave tomorrow, how a week to start sounds?”, he asked, and you barely nodded

“Sleep on the couch”, you asked, “and tell that fucking tart that if she ever contacts me again I will ran her over with my car”

“She and I are not talking anymore”, he said

“Oh good”, you whispered sarcastically

“Please, my love”, he begged again, “I cannot afford to lose you, or Aerea”

“You already lost me Harwin”, you said, not dared to look at him in those eyes that even now could melt you, “And Aerea, well… you won’t, she is a daddy’s girl trough and trough”, there was no smiles, no nothing you couldn’t even look at him in the face

It hurts too damned much

He was your husband, you married when you were 25 and he was 36, now, four years later and a two-year old, it had faded pretty quickly

You were destroyed over this.

You met him, coincidentally, when you started an internship in the company Harwin worked at, you were not his secretary, you were an intern and he was just an executive, he was way older, handsome, so sweet, nice, in a lumberjack kind of way, he was divorced and had three children, little guys who you adored with all your life, well, at least Luke and JOffrey who ere really young when you married Harwin.

 When you got married he insisted you stayed home because he wanted more children, and you obliged, you haven't worked since then, your life revolved around him, your home, and specially your child

But that wasn’t enough for Harwin.

You slept alone, when Aerea woke in the middle of the night, you went and grabbed her, Harwin slept sloppily in the small bed in her room, didn’t even wake, and you brought her to sleep with you, she was calmed almost immediately.

The next day you held her in your arms as you got up and went to make breakfast, Jacaerys, Harwin’s oldest child, he was pushing 21 right now, was behind the kitchen island, making scrambled eggs, he had woken up before you apparently

“Good morning”, he purred

“Good morning Jacey”, you greeted with smile, Aerea threw her chubby arms at him and he smiled warmly, taking his baby sister in his arms

“Good mornin’ mama”, he greeted, you thought he was sweet, he obviously was talking to Aerea, who cling onto him like a Koala

“How do you like your eggs?”, he asked

“Surprise me, I’ll put on some toast and coffee, and juice for Aerea and Joffrey”

“Already got it”, he said, with his head signaling at the table, you smiled

“You are too kind Jace”

It was summer, he was on vacations, and he joined his brothers who were still underage on visiting Harwin every other week, Harwin got a big house for all of you to fit in, and Harwin’s sons were just so kind, it was sweet having them around 

If only you knew what Jace was only thinking that this was going to be his life in a couple of years, of course the baby that he was going to hold was going to be his, and Aerea would be sitting on the table by herself, eating the pancakes his stepdaddy was going to make for her. 

You missed the smug look Jace gave Harwin over the table, as you didn’t even look at him, this was going to be the last family breakfast in a long time…

You also missed the way Jace looked at you and then at his father, he was the only one who knew besides you both, that it was Harwin’s last day with you as well 

“Thank you for everything (y/n)” said Luke sweetly as you said your goodbyes at the door

“You are most welcome sweet Luke, thank YOU for coming”, you kissed him on the cheek and hugged him, you were going to miss him, and Joffrey, who was ten and clinged into you, you kissed the top of his head too

“bye Aerea”, he then kissed his sister on the cheek and then ran back to his car, only Jace was left, he leaned in and kissed you on the cheek, you turned your face for accident, and his lips landed way close to the corner of your lips, but it was probably a mistake

“See you next week”, he said with a shy smile 

“See you”, you whispered and smiled, you didn’t have the nerve to tell him that probably you were not going to see him again…

Aerea waved her hands saying goodbye as the car drove away, you wiped the bitter tears that fell down your cheeks, your chest hurt, your heart breaking, Harwin had sneaked a bag, so he was not coming back, and neither were the boys next week… 

Or that is what you thought…

#misguidedblurred #jacaerys x oc #hbo house of the dragon #house of the dragon #jacaerys velaryon #jacaerys strong #prince jacaerys #jacaerys #jacaerys x reader #hotd jacaerys

[drea-ms]

SMOKED CIGARETTES AND EMPTY BEER BOTTLES. GETO SUGURU

げとうすぐる. Please don't try to kiss me on the sidewalk, On your cigarette break. I can't afford to love someone, not the way we loved each other.

warnings. heavy angst. no happy ending. hurt NO comfort at all. major character death. suicide mentions. depression and anxiety. mentions of smoking and drinking. toxic situationship. right person not enough time trope. canon complient? haibara lives tho so 🤷‍♀️. slight mention of suguru x oc (nakamura kyouko) but it's not mentioned or deep enough. sugu n reader r NAWT okay. not proofread, but when has my shit never not been proofread? grammar mistakes. inspired by xanny by billie eilish.

masterlist. next

A six pack box of beer, (the sweet ones, you never like the bitter taste of beer.) the sunset looking as beautiful as ever, and you sitting on the rooftop, a cigarette you stole from shoko in your hand (You didn't smoke. You used it as to have something your hands could play with). Life as a traumatized jujutsu student couldn't get better than this. Hell, you wished you could've gone back to the time before your fight with him. You knew you couldn't stop him, you knew you both weren't good for each other, but that's what made it work for you and Suguru. At least you thought it did.

Leading to the weeks before the fight, was the death of Riko. You knew she was somewhat close to Suguru, like a little sister. He told you about her, it was sweet that he had a sister like figure. Then after her death was the almost death of Haibara. You knew something was up that day, so you headed to where Yu was clearing a mission and saved his life, the only consequence was the fact that you were hurt more than him. He got upset, you understood him. But at the same time you didn't.

You understood that he liked to smoke, and you didn't. You understood that you liked drinking more than smoking, and he didn't. Complete opposites, yet fit each other so well.

Your mother told you it was best for you to get a therapist (one that knows about jujutsu.) so that they could help you. (it worked for a bit, but can you fix what was already broken?) Later, you got diagnosed with Anxiety, they told you to take medication for it, you did. (You never liked taking pills. After the incident with an old friend you couldn't handle them.) All of this was never told to Suguru. Not like he would care, right?

Why would you tell him? it's not like the two of you were dating, if anything, he was more interested in her. (You wouldn't blame him, Nakamura Kyouko was a beauty.) Why would it bother him that you don't tell him anything? Why does he get jealous when other guys flirt with you? why does he act like your boyfriend when he isn't? You don't understand Geto Suguru.

He has her. But why does he always keep coming back to you?

Then there was the fight, the one between you and him. The one where he couldn't hold back and tell you everything he thought of you. You weren't even sure what started the the fight, but you were sure that you lost the moment he brought up how useless you were, he was comparing you to how she could do better then you. (Why did Suguru bring her up? Kyouko made sure that she didn't have a thing with Suguru, that instead she wasn't ready for a relationship at all. You couldn't blame her. not when he was right.)

"Do you understand what I'm saying? you're weak, [name]. You always have been! Why can't you get that through your thick skull?! You put others before yourself. You don't even have a grade level! You're useless in the jujutsu world. What more do you want to know?! Huh?" you see even sure if he was yelling or not, to inside your mind to figure it out.

"There's a reason as to why, Geto. There's a god damn reason as to why I don't have a grade level as a jujutsu sorcerer. You wanna know why Suguru? Huh?! You wanna know why the ever loving fuck I don't have a grade level like the rest of you all?! Because as of the time I'm living and willy be living, I am considered a threat to the jujutsu world. My technique hasn't been used since eons! No one is sure when my technique is ready, no one knows when I'll lose control and kill everything single fucking living think I come across of. Get through your thick fucking skull Geto." tears starting coming out of you, harsh. You didn't want to cry infront of him. Because if you did, the he would've known that he won the argument. So you did what you've done best.

You left.

Now that you think about it, you missed it when it was just you and him, with no care in the world, where you were still in a complicated relationship with him. Where the only argument you had with him that was serious was when he kissed you with him smelling like cigarettes.

"C'mon Sugu, don't kiss me on the side walk! Everyone's gonna see and it's crowded here!" you would pout at him, which made him weak in the knees

"[nickname], it's my only break I have where—" "Where you can smoke, yadayada, just... don't smoke and then kiss me?" you ask, lips kissing his nose.

"Of course," he smiled at you, you smiled back.

You missed those days.

Now that you were out of your head, the alcohol making you dizzy, and looking at the sunset, you realized that you weren't cut out to be part of this hell. After leaving the fight with Suguru, you avoided him and then avoiding going to school altogether, you started going to therapy more often (it helped i little, then it didn't, you were later diagnosed with depression. Yay.) then dropping out of therapy after.

You knew that, what you were doing was the better option for everyone and yourself. You wrote letters to everyone in jujutsu high (including the higher ups, but you just cursed them out and told them that in the next life you would kill them with your own hands.) and You left your dorm at night, opting to to stay at an inn under a different name. You wrote two letters to Suguru that night. Only heading back to the school dorms to leave them on his door.

Now standing up in the rooftop, you decided to turn around, not facing the sunset, not looking down at how high the building you broke into was, instead, you closed your eyes and fell backwards.

With not one care in the world.

(NOTICE FROM THE JUJUTSU HEADQUARTERS; [lastname] [firstname], the unregistered grade sorcerer is no longer a threat. please get rid of any file related to her.)

NOTES ; half of my blog is literally angst related. i can NEVER write happy and fluffy things, except for saiki..... i love writing angst like alot idk i think while listening to music and then boom angst idea! anyways, please tell me if you enjoy this price i wrote this one lil an hour, also send reqs in my ask box!! i'm bored!!!

#🌙 — val writes #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto suguru #jjk geto #jjk suguru #geto x reader #getou suguru x reader #suguru x reader #geto angst #jjk angst

[applejuicefruit]

Can you write something about reader breaking up with Kylian because she’s having some mental problems and can’t keep up with both relationship and herself but Kylian doesn’t want to let her go because other wise she would be alone? So even if they break up he still take care of her please 🙏

this request was just 😭😭😭

tw : a lot of angst, mention of depression and anxiety

kylian mbappe x reader

As long as you need me

You had no idea how to tell Kylian that you were going to break up with him. That you were going to break up with your boyfriend, the love of your life and the person who always helped you and supported you in the past two years.

You knew this was going to break him, completely, but you were feeling like you were just slowing his life and you couldn’t let that happen.

Kylian knew you suffered from depression when you were a teen. You were first diagnosed when you were only sixteen and you’ve been taking pills since then. When you turned eighteen you started having anxiety and anxiety attacks everytime you felt like you were in a stressful situation and, dealing with anxiety and depression wasn’t a joyful ride. But when you met Kylian everything started to work better for you. You always told him everything, about your past, about your present, about your day. It didn’t matter, he would spent hours just to listening you talk.

But, as you noticed it, he noticed it too that in these past months you were feeling worse and worse and he couldn’t do nothing to help you. He saw how you were slowly breaking and he couldn’t do anything about it and that was killing him. You were his light and you were slowly fading away.

You were sat on the couch waiting for him to come back from training and anxiety was eating you alive.

You were fidgeting with your fingers and you were looking everywhere but the front door.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even hear Kylian being back home.

“Hey mon amour…”he greeted you but the moment he entered he knew something was off. He felt in the air, bad energy he probably knew what was coming.

“Oh hey Kylian…I didn’t see you…” you said looking up at him and his heart broke when he saw your glossy eyes. He wanted to take your pain away so bad but he knew he couldn’t do it.

“Honey is everything okay?” he asked sitting on the couch next to you.

“Kyky…I think we should talk…” you said, your voice breaking a little.

“Okay…” he said grabbing your hands and putting them on his lap. He knew what was coming but still he wanted to believe you had to tell him something else.

“Kyky…” you called him completely breaking down “you know how much I love you and how much you mean for me…I’m so sorry, I really am, I don’t want to do this but I feel like I have no choice…I’m so sorry Kyky…I think we should take a break…” you explained avoiding his look but you could feel it on yourself “I can’t…I just can’t focus on our relationship anymore…I’m so sorry baby, I am, but I feel like my mind is going to explode at any moment, my thoughts are eating me alive and I can’t do nothing to stop them, my own fucking mind became my first enemy and I don’t know what to do and how to stop it…I only feel like I need time to myself and time to heal and I can’t do it right now Kyky…I tried, I really tried but I can’t…please don’t hate me, I couldn’t handle you hating me” you said finally looking at him.

His hands cupped your face and wiped your tears away.

“Baby girl I could never hate you…never in my life. You mean to much for me to hate you…but I get it, I really do…I wish I could take your pain away but I can’t and that’s fucking killing me because all I want to do is seeing you happy and smiling again…I wish I could take your pain so you don’t have to suffer again…I hate seeing you like this…” he started crying too because he loved you so much and he couldn’t handle seeing you like that. But he felt it. He felt everything you told him because in these past months he was the one to comfort you everytime you cried or your couldn’t sleep, he was the one to calm you down after an anxiety attack, he was the one to handle your mood swings every time you had a depressive episode, he was the one to take care of you when you wouldn’t want to leave your bed, he was the one to help you shower when you felt not doing it. He helped you with everything and you only felt a burden to him, you wanted to be happy and free again but you felt like you were trapped and you couldn’t set free. It was hard for you to explain what you were feeling but you were glad Kylian could understand.

“I just hate the fact that I’m hurting you…I didn’t want to break up Kylian, believe me please, I just want to feel happy again” you cried into his arms while he held you.

“It’s okay baby…I know, I know you just want to feel yourself again…all I care now is for you to feel better, and, boyfriend or not, I’ll be here, as long as you need me…I’ll never leave you, You’re not alone y/n and I want you to know that…I’m here and I will always be here for you…” he whispered into your ear trying to calm you down.

You spent the next hour crying in his arms. Words weren’t needed anymore. Him comforting you as he always did. You didn’t know where or what you were gonna do next but all you knew was that you wanted to feel happy and free again.

He wanted that too. That’s why he was sure that letting you go was the only solution for you to feel better again, but it didn’t matter if you broke up, you knew he was gonna be there, for you, always.

#kylian mbappe #kylianmbappe x reader #kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe imagines #kylian mbappe fluff #kylian mbappe angst #kylian x reader #kylian mbappe imagine #kylian mbappe x you #kylian mbappe one shot #kylian mbappe drabble #psg #paris saint germain #equipe de france #football fan #football imagine #football one shot

[presidentofthelipglossclub]

rescue bots incorrect quotes teehee

Optimus: Please explain what upsexy is!

Blades: Could you rephrase that in like, two words maybe?

Boulder, wiping tears from his eyes: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it's meant to be...

Heatwave: I'm literally just going to the store.

Chase: Jail is no fun. I'll tell you that much.

Bumblebee: Oh, you've been?

Chase: Once. In Monopoly.

Heatwave: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!

Heatwave, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

Quickshadow: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here's a throwback to when Blurr ate an entire tube of lipstick.

Blurr, whining: But why would it be cherry flavored if you can't eat it!?

Boulder: Anybody got any crayons so I can color in my Ph.D?

Optimus: Is there something you would like to say, Hightide?

Hightide: Oh there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

Heatwave, texting Chase: Any plans for tonight?

Chase: No.

Heatwave: Loser.

Boulder: Help! I'm drowning!

Optimus: Calm down. We're only in six feet of water!

Boulder: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Blades, to Blurr: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.

Heatwave: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Optimus: You're too young to have enemies.

Heatwave: You don't even know.

*Out grocery shopping*

Chase: *Takes a free sample twice*

Chase: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

Salvage, texting: Hi, who's this? Blades changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Blurr: What's mine?

Salvage: Dwarf.

Blurr: HE'S SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Salvage: Oh hey Blurr.

Blurr: FUCK!

Blades: I eat cheerios because they're heart healthy!

Blades: And my heart has been severely damaged. So Bumblebee if you're out there--

Blurr: I was just diagnosed with deez.

Heatwave: Good, I hope it's lethal.

Optimus: Do you cook?

Chase: I made a cake once.

Heatwave: Yeah, it was good.

Chase: Really?

Heatwave: Don't make me lie twice, Chase.

Bumblebee: ...This is one of those moments where it doesn't really matter what I have to say, isn't it?

*The rescue bots all nod unanimously*

Blades: Boulder, you look deep in thought. What's wrong?

Boulder: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it's like to lick it? Even if you've never touched it before?

Blades: I'm never asking you anything ever again.

Quickshadow: Who would you swipe right for? Blurr or Salvage?

Hightide: I would delete the app.

Heatwave: We're about to do the taser challenge. You want in?

Chase: What's the taser challenge?

Blades: We tase each other, then drink.

Chase: How do you win?

Heatwave: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

Optimus: We will discuss this later.

Hightide: Fine, I won't be listening.

Boulder: What, I can't be in a bad mood? It's like people think "Oh, Boulder is such a nice person, Boulder is so happy-go-lucky! Boulder can't be in a bad mood!" Well, you know what? Boulder CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Boulder IS be in a bad mood.

Heatwave: Thanks for not telling Optimus what happened.

Bumblebee, dumbfounded: I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to explain this.

Chase: Blades, you need to react when people cry.

Blades: I did. I rolled my eyes.

Quickshadow: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need.

Quickshadow: Not all this "how did you get into my house" business.

Blades, texting: Hey.

Chase: Hey?

Blades: I can't sleep. :/

Chase: I can. Goodnight.

Heatwave: Die.

Boulder: Please don't die!

Heatwave: DIE!

Boulder: PLEASE DON'T DIE!

Blades, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?

Chase, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Boulder wants Heatwave to accept it as their child.

Quickshadow: Can you keep a secret?

Hightide: Do you know anything about my life?

Quickshadow: No, I don't. Good point.

Boulder: Don't quote me on this, but I believe murder is illegal!

Chase, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll just drink my sorrows away.

Blades: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

Heatwave: And I'd love to be sorry for that, but we all know I've done much, much worse.

i'll probably reblog this with more later. maybe those will include the humans as well (don't get your hopes up).

#tfrb #rescue bots #transformers rescue bots #transformers #transformers aligned #tfrb heatwave #tfrb boulder #tfrb chase #tfrb blades #tfrb blurr #tfrb salvage #tfrb hightide #tfrb quickshadow #tfrb optimus

[queercatessays]

For nearly 20 years I didn't realise I had a personality disorder

As a teenager, I knew it wasn't normal to think the entire world was your enemy. I knew it wasn't normal to feel utterly empty inside, to feel like the whole world was behind glass, out of reach. I never knew who I was, or what I wanted. I wanted whatever my favourite person wanted. I existed through others, like a shadow.

I had empathy, but no morals. If it didn't affect me, it didn't matter. I was never violent, but inside I was always angry, so I got good at lying. I'd say for a long time nearly every word out of my mouth was a lie in some way. If I told the truth, it was only to shock people, or to hide something that REALLY made me vulnerable. But normally I was quiet, and because I was quiet, no one really noticed me, till my emptiness became so absolute I finally saw a psychiatrist. You'd think a psychiatrist would immediately recognise the problem. They didn't. I saw 10 experts at the youth mental health center, none of whom could diagnose me with anything. In the end they settled on autism, which is true but not the whole picture. I went on with my life, hating everyone around me, feeling like I must be the only person on earth who feels this way. I felt like an alien, barely human, but at the same time I felt like I was a god, better than everyone around me. I was everything and nothing. I saw counsellor after counsellor for my mental health issues, but they were all terrible listeners, and I was belligerent patient. I never did get any help for my problems, which included all manner of self-destructive behaviour, including eating disorders. But, somehow, over time, through finding people who could accept the mess of a person I am, I was able to heal. I'm not normal, nor will I ever be - or want to be. I still have black and white thinking - friend or enemy, no in-between. I still get suspicious of people and even as I write this I'm full of paranoia (another thing I've had for 20 years), and honestly, I might always feel like an alien. But I'm not alone anymore, and I'm not full of pain 24/7. And it's been a lot easier to deal with all this since I met a friend who happens to have BPD and ASPD. They were talking to me about their experiences, and I tell you now I related to every word. It shocked me, cos I imagined people with personality disorders were violent abusers, which of course I wasn't (despite wishing murder on the entire planet back in the day lmao). The propaganda had got into my head. But when they talked me through things, I realised yeah, I definitely have something. Probably BPD with ASPD traits, or the other way round, but I've not got a diagnosis and honestly, with the way I've been treated, I have no interest in getting one. It's enough for me to be on here reading people's posts and knowing that hey, there are people like me out there. That's why I'm writing this, too. In case someone out there needs to hear it. If you're relating to all these personality disorder posts, then trust yourself. And if you're having an awful time, wondering if there can ever be a way forward, then trust me: there is. I believe in you. My brain is completely and utterly fucked, but I'm still here, and I don't intend on leaving any time soon. All my love to everyone struggling with these stigmatised conditions. We've got this <3

#personality disorder #actually cluster b #borderline personality disorder #bpd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #bpd safe #cluster b safe #aspd safe

[blughxreader]

Say the reader doesn’t eat that much ( they are just never that hungry) would the Batfam make them eat 3 meals a day? Even if they have to force it down their throat? I just got inspired from your latest post 🤩

They abso-fucking-lutely would.

You are a growing person—you need the best quality meals three times a day. No questions or complaints.

They would consider not eating a form of self harm. Even if it was something as harmless as not feeling hungry because you didn’t do much that day, they would still give you a suspicious look. To that too many times in a row, and boom, they’ll diagnose you with an eating disorder.

Their level of aggression towards getting you to eat would depend on the person.

Bruce would not force feed you, ever. He would ground you with every punishment in the book, but he wouldn’t shove food down your throat. Any physical punishment is a no-go for him.

He expects you to tell him exactly why you’re not eating, and Bruce, unlike the others, can be rationalized with. You can make deals, like “I’ll reheat dinner later tonight when I’m hungrier,” and it will typically work so long as you eat it.

If you have an actual aversion to finishing your food or eating in general, he would make you his number one priority. He’d sit next to you at the table, so close your knees touch, and talk you through each spoonful. It’s humiliating, and the only way he’d stop is if you regularly finish your plate.

Dick would infantize you. He’d consider it a good opportunity to strip you of your rights and have a bit of fun with you. He would be worried for sure, but it’s not like you won’t eat—not when he’s there at each meal making you pick the easy or hard way.

Dick is certainly not above force-feeding you, but that’s also not his main goal. It’s to spend time with you and to have you rely on him. So he’ll give you many opportunities to correct your behavior, until you’ll ultimately force his hand.

Jason is the most short-tempered of them all. If you act like a brat then he’ll treat you like one. He enjoys snark and games, but Jason has a zero tolerance policy for anything pertaining to your wellbeing. Putting yourself in harm’s way to any degree is a sure-fire way to wipe any trace of kindness from him. You will eat, even if he has to pry your jaw open.

Wanna piss him off? He dares you. In fact, he wishes you would so he could demonstrate that he’s willing to be the bad guy if it comes to keeping you safe. It’s a good reminder that you don’t have a say, so you should be a good child and listen to the adults. He’ll comfort you after it’s done, but don’t expect him to feel an ounce of remorse.

Tim would take the smartest approach and change your lifestyle rather than eating habits. If you say you’re not hungry, then he’ll give you a reason to be hungry. With Bruce’s permission, you’ll have to do tasks around the house in order to work up an appetite, and Tim will ensure you’re tired enough to eat three full meals a day.

Tim would carefully map your every food intake and come up with a meal plan. You have to stick to it by the calorie if you want him off your back, and because you’ve been working all day, it’s hard to ignore the food in front of you.

If you’re not eating on purpose, then he would definitely force feed you. He could even consider it a bonding moment, because its solely his doing that you’re getting the nutrients to live. It’s almost addicting.

Damian thinks it’s a cry for attention. He’s already upset he can’t spend more time with you, so he spins this story in his head that you need him around in order to function. He thinks of you as the “pure-hearted, simple-minded little sibling,” and thus doesn’t try to punish you initially.

After a stern talking-to about a proper diet, if you’re still not eating he’ll move onto rougher tactics. He’ll shame and berate you, calling your behavior stupid. And after, he’ll cuff you to the table and feed you spoonful by spoonful. He doesn’t like physical aggression with you, but this is something he’s willing to do if you try harming yourself.

#yandere x reader #yandere batfam #yandere dc #yandere damian wayne #yandere batfam x reader #platonic yandere batfam #platonic yandere batfam x reader #yandere batman #platonic yandere #yandere dick grayson #yandere jason todd #yandere tim drake #yandere bruce wayne

[actually-a-fish]

the best supernatural episodes

according to an autistic person with a special interest and the ability to make a list.

if youre really serious about supernatural spoilers then maybe stay away :)

None of the season one episodes made in on the list but I will give an honorable mention to S1 E2 Wendigo.

S2 E11 Playthings - A classic, creepy girls in a creepy hotel. Special call out to Sam getting SLOPPY

S2 E16 Roadkill - There's a ghost haunting the highway. the Boys help the spirit move on. This is an early example of monster empathy

S2 E18 Hollywood Babylon - Dean loves hollywood. I love dean. this episode makes me kick my feet like a little girl and i will not defend myself.

S2 EP 20 What Was Shall Never Be - all I have in my notes for this one is "Dean Djinn Dream" which was enough for me to remember the episode and get misty eyes. This is SEASON 2 my son will never know peace.

S3 E5 Bedtime Stories -I had to check the wiki on this one, I think i liked it cause it referenced classic fairytales

S3 Ep11 Mystery Spot - "HEAT OF THE MOMENT" RISE AND SHINE SAMMY!

S3 E13 Ghostfacers! - Im a Facer through and through

S3 E16 No Rest for the Wicked - S3 finale and the Boys are facing consequences! Classic Dean, Sam and Bobby episode.

S4 E1 Lazerus Rising - First Cas Episode. That handprint makes me feel things.

S4 E6 Yellow Fever - What if Dean had anxiety (The Eye of the Tiger blooper is also at the end of the episode which gives it bonus points.

S4 E17 Wishful Thinking - Make a wish? was it for your teddy bear to be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder? Well thats what youre getting!

S4 E17 It's a Terrible Life - Sam ~ the sales rep. Dean ~ middle management.

S4 E18 The Monster at the End of the Book - There are books about Sam and Dean?! Written by this guy who loves self insert character? Surely the entire show isn't about to take a tone shift?

S5 E3 Free to be You and Me - Sam and Dean are fighting again, but this time Dean has a new heavenly boy toy to play with instead. (Cas has no rizz yet it's actually a little painful to watch)

S5 E5 Fallen Idol - Okay the Wax People episode is on here for one reason and one reason only. Paris Hilton.

S5 E7 The Curious Case of Dean Winchester - Old man Dean and old man Bobby. This is also the episode for HH Husk kinnies.

S5 E8 Changing Channels - Dr Sexy MD is that you?!

S5 E9 The Real Ghostbuster - *in a grizzly voice* "I'm Dean Winchester, this is my brother Sam. Have you experienced anything strange?" "Dude that was so good! Now we can go solve the puzzle" "Man you're breaking the immersion!"

S5 E10 Abandon All Hope - This is here for Crowley's first appearance and not because the end will make you cry.

S5 E12 Swap Meat - "uh... its Audi Nos". Freaky Friday starring Sam Winchester! An angsty teen and April Kepner from Grey/Sloan Memorial Hospital.

S5 E16 Dark Side of the Moon - The Boys lives flash before their eyes. Dean is pissed forever about Sams.

S5 E19 Hammer of the Gods - this is for all my pagans out there!

S6 E4 A Weekend at Bobby's - What do you think this episodes about idjit.

S6 E15 The French Mistake -  “For whatever reason, our life is a TV show.” “Why?” “I don't know.” “No, seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?” 

S7 E4 Defending your Life - consequences? for fucking people over? how about you stand trial.

S7 E20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo - The self insert character made for us :) Luv u 4ever Charlie XD

S8 E4 Bitten - found footage will always scare. this one reminds me that this show started as a psuedo horror.

S8 E8 hunteri heroci - Cas tries his hand at being a hunter

S8 E12 As Time Goes By - FINALLY THEY ARE CARVING TRAPS INTO BULLETS

S8 E17 Goodbye Stranger - verbatim here are my notes for this episode "Cas chooses Dean, but the way he handles Meg... Fuck Naomi"

S8 E18 Clip Show - If you only want to watch just one episode of Supernatural this should be it. It's not actually a clip show, theres a broment, bonding time with favorite characters and crazy plots that only supernatural could get away with.

S9 E5 Dog Dean Afternoon - Dean is finally a dog person

S9 E11 First Born - Another bro fight leads to shipping <3 SamxCas + DeanxCrowley <3

S9 E15 #thinman - the slender episode feat. GHOSTFACERS. You come away from this episode thinking "supernatural is so fucking gay why wont the boys kiss"

S9 E21 King of the Damned - my favorite crowley era change my mind. Also the way the Boys interrogate an angel is so funny

S10 E5 Fan Fiction - I would unironically fuck w a supernatural musical and if helluva/hazbin taught me anything the rest of you would too

S10 E6 Ask Jeeves - The Clue episode. (Pay attention to the improvised weapons Dean chooses. It brings me joy)

S10 E9 The Things we Left Behind - Cas is suffering a midlife crisis and his besties are there to help him repair his relationship with his daughter. Funnily enough, Crowley is also getting some family bonding in.

Okay, I'm all caught up on my list. Should I have stayed up late transcribing this with an 8am class tommarow?

Probably not but it did bring me great joy. Tell me your favorite episode! I'll continue to add to my list as I continue my rewatch :)

#supernatural #destiel #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #crowley #list #tumblr recommendations #episodes #im bad at tags #sam and dean #favorite

[hajimeshoe]

so if you're still taking requests.... Twisted Wonderland housewardens with an S/o who doesn't get energy from too much sugar, but instead gets tired, and when they eat a lot they go into food comas

Idia was honestly the hardest for me to write for this one, but I think it turned out alright? I hope you like it! It was honestly really fun to write!

Also, not me writing this on four energy drinks while bleaching my hair

Riddle

I feel like Riddle would be a bit confused

Like, sugar is supposed to give people energy, right???

His mother never let him have much sugar when he was young tho, so he'd also be wondering how his s/o eats enough to get into a food coma

"Love, moderation is easy?"

But at the same time, he does understand that everyone is different

He'll TRY to limit your sugar intake to before bed so long as it doesn't interfere with the Queen's rules

If he does find you in a sleepy mood after eating sugar, he'll bring you back to your dorm and get you tucked into a comfy place (if you're not already in your dorm)

If you are in your dorm, he'll get you blankets/pillows - anything you need to be comfy really

Leona

Absolutely loves it <3

All he needs to do if he wants you to skip classes to nap with him is to hop you up on sugar? Aight, BET!

Will 1000% carry around sugar for you and will literally shove it down your throat if he has to in order to have his personal teddy bear nice and tired

If he finds you in a food coma after eating too much? He's manhandling you into his preferred position for a nap with you

He has definitely had Ruggie bring you water that's more sugar than water

Don't get me wrong, Leona knows that sugar is not healthy and too much can do more damage than good for your health

But...he likes his sleep so can you blame him???

"Babe, you're being too loud so eat this and have a nap."

"Leona, that is literally a cup filled with sugar??"

"Did I fucking stutter?"

Azul

So, Azul...I feel like he'll use this to his advantage if he really needs too

For example, if you're just being too much and he's busy then he'll get you some stuff that's high in sugar to calm you down

Other than that though

He lets you decide when you have sugar and how much of it you have

He just assumes it's a human thing to get tired after ingesting sugar

Azul also will let you sleep in his office if you need to

But will absolutely not let the tweels anywhere near you when they have sugar - he doesn't want them forcing you into a food coma for their entertainment

Ultimately, probably the best of the housewardens with it

Kalim

THAT IS SO COOL!!

You get tired when you have too much sugar? My little siblings and I always get super hyper. How does it work? How do you get like that? (Jamil is in the corner wishing Kalim was like you)

He wants to see if deserts and treats from his home have the same result, so expect a ton of treats from him

If he finds you in a food coma, he'll quiet down and make sure you're comfy.

I can see him bringing in doctors to look at you at some point in your relationship tbh

Just to see what's up cuz he's a worried boi

I can also see him trying to diagnose you with ADHD and a billion other stuff until the doctors tell him that everything is normal

Vil

"Darling, you shouldn't be eating enough sugar for that to happen. Do you know how bad it is for you?"

Aaaand you're sitting through a lecture on the effects of sugar on health and beauty

He tries to put you on a diet

I normally don't see him as the type of person to interfere too much with his S/O's beauty regimen, but I can absolutely picture him doing this

He just loves you and wants whats best for you darling, he swears

Cutting out sugar just happens to be what he thinks is best

If he finds you in a food coma, he's gonna try to wake you up to make sure you brushed your teeth and did your skin care routine

Dw he'll let you go back to sleep as soon as you've done both, sleep is an important part of beauty

This is how he shows his love

Idia

Like Azul, he'll use it to his advantage sometimes.

Mostly if he's gaming and you're trying to get his attention

He'll just give you sugar and have you curl up in his lap while he games

He loves you but he also loves his games

He won't bother you if you're passed out from eating sugar, he'll just play a game on his phone or something while you sleep

Idia does not care how much of it you have - it's my personal hc he's a huuuuuge caffeine addict - or when you have it

So long as you're happy and not interrupting his gaming during important events, he's happy

Malleus

"Lilia, my human is broken!"

Confused boy 2.0

Is this normal for humans??

Lilia has to explain that some humans get tired after having sugar rather than getting some energy

He does some reading on humans and sugar

Malleus. Panics. If he finds you in a food coma

Proceeds to cast every healing spell he knows

He's just so caring and protective, he doesn't want anything happening to his precious S/O

He does learn to just make sure you're in a safe place and extremely comfy.

"Mall sweetie, where are we?"

"My chambers in the castle."

"You mean your dorm room at school???"

"No."

Literally brought you to Briar Valley to ensure you're as comfortable as can be

He's so precious just give him all the love

#twst headcanons #malleus x reader #idia x reader #leona x reader #vil x reader #kalim x reader #azul x reader #riddle x reader #twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia