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surrogate-fawn · 10 months

Text

Quartz and Sea Glass

((Drabble/Short story based on the backstory a rp with @mittysins of Fawn's first step into the world of surrogacy.))

{This drabble is a sequel to "The First Goodbye" and is Part Two of a planned series based on the rp between Mitty and I. This drabble will not make sense without the context of Part One.}

TW: Mentioned miscarriage/stillbirth, infertility, family abandonment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't put me on a pedestal for what I decided to do with my life. I ain't a saint.

I'll fully admit that I became a surrogate for selfish reasons. When I discovered there was a market out there of couples who needed a healthy body to carry their baby, I did not give a single shit about helping them -- all I cared about was the money.

I was twenty years old and homeless, still living off minimum wage. Can 'ya really blame me?

Lord only knows how that little worm of an idea got into my brain. Maybe it was during a mindless re-watch of season four of Friends. Maybe it was seeing something on the news. Or maybe it was during one of those three-in-the-morning anxiety attacks -- the ones that had me scribbling down as many outlandish solutions to my life as could fit on a napkin.

Not a lot of good ideas came about that way.

However it got there, one day I found myself seated at a library computer searching up as much information as I could find about surrogacy. As soon as I saw the rates some of these couples were willing to pay, I was sold. Fifty to sixty grand -- paid over the span of months. That sure as hell beat $7.25 an hour! The fact I could be eligible for certain state benefits on top of that money didn't hurt, either.

Best part? The one obstacle that could've been in my way had been crashed down a year ago: at least one healthy and successful prior pregnancy.

This was it. This was my way out!

But I hesitated.

As I sat there, staring at the Google search results that led me down the rabbit hole, I wondered if I was really capable of going through it all again. Not so much the physical symptoms, those all passed as soon as the pregnancy was over.

I was wondering if I could handle saying goodbye again.

My son's first birthday had just passed. I'd put a candle in a cupcake and blown it out for him the day of, alone in my room and still in my UDF uniform after work. I'd wished I'd known what name they gave him. The "Happy Birthday" song is a 'lil hard to sing without a name. I'd just called him "my baby" in the song. At least it fit. He would always be my baby, wherever he was and whatever he was called.

I blinked at the blue-tinted monitor. The screen was getting fuzzy and my eyes were stinging. I force-closed the dozens of tabs I had open, shut the computer off, and began my walk back to the women's shelter.

No, I couldn't. Money or no money, I couldn't go through it again. I never...never wanted to go through it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, I made another trip to the library to borrow some time at the computer. I couldn't afford a laptop or smartphone, so it was a trip I usually made every other day; but work had been leaving me too tired to swing by.

I found an email waiting for me in my inbox, from a surrogate agency site I remembered looking up. In my mad scrolling, I must have signed up for their mailing list without thinking about it. It was from the highest-rated site I'd found, so at least I didn't have to worry about it being a phishing scam or tied to some baby black market or whatever.

I almost deleted it out of reflex, but the subject line read: "The Basics of Surrogacy, Free Information Guide". A brochure? Not an ad pressuring me to join so they could start taking a cut of my pay? Sure, I'd take a brochure.

So, that was the moment I made the best decision of my life: I opened that email.

I'll spare you the business side of things, but once I got in touch with the agency it all started falling into place. The whole process was much more voluntary than I realized. I spoke with several surrogate mothers who had been matched with clients through the site, and they all stood firm that nothing was done unless both the surrogate and the parents agreed to it. I would have a say in who I matched with. I would have a say in how much I was to be paid. I would even have a say in what the birthing experience would be like!

What finally sealed the deal for me, though, was the fact this company only dealt with what I learned were called "gestational surrogacies" -- meaning none of their surrogates were the biological parents of the babies they carried. I'd have someone else's egg inside me -- I would essentially be a walking incubator. That sounds kinda weird when you think about it, but it solved the biggest issue I had with tapping into this gold mine.

Not my baby? Not my DNA? Fine by me. I decided I'd gladly get paid fifty grand to sit around and grow someone else's kid. Sounded like the easiest job in the world.

I sent my application in two days later.

Two months, a psychiatric assessment, and dozens of medical tests later, I was in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Tariqs weren't the first couple who asked to meet with me. There were two other couples I had a first meeting with, but neither of them clicked with me the way Ray and Tess did.

We met for the first time at a park situated alongside the Tennessee River, bundled in jackets to keep out the early-autumn chill. There just so happened to be a food truck parked by the entrance we agreed to meet at, and Tess declared we should get to know each other over lunch. Seeing as I had skipped breakfast to make it to work on time, I didn't mind the idea.

I was standing off to the side while the Tariqs ordered from the truck, counting out the amount of cash I had on me, when suddenly I heard Tess call me over.

"Which one 'ya want, shug?" she asked, pointing to the menu plastered on the truck's side.

They bought me a chicken panini and a hot hazelnut macchiato, insisting it was their treat. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have needed the rest of that interview -- I had already chosen to be their surrogate in my head.

Buying me food is a fantastic way to get to get me to like you.

We sat at a picnic table beneath the golden oak trees and got to talking. Raymond (or Ray, as he preferred to be called) was a second-generation Indian immigrant and Tess, his wife, was a born-and-bred Knoxville gal. They lived on the rural side of Knoxville, just barely inside the city limits, in a 1960's farmhouse they'd refurbished themselves. Both were in their mid-thirties by the time they sought out surrogacy; up until that point, they'd been though quite a battle with infertility:

They'd been trying throughout their four years of marriage, but Tess could never carry to term. The few times her pregnancy tests would come up positive, she'd bleed a few weeks later. Although they weren't opposed to modern medicine, they'd preferred to try more "natural" methods to solve their fertility issue before going to a doctor. Such methods included the Kama Sutra, meditation, crystals, herbal blends and -- of course -- prayer.

Just the year prior, it seemed their home remedies had worked when Tess finally made it into the second trimester with a baby boy.

They'd lost him in a stillbirth days before the third trimester milestone.

Piled onto that tragedy, the hospital discovered Tess had a defective uterus -- it was physically impossible for her to carry to term. So, that's where I came in.

As I told them about myself, they were delighted to know I came from a household that had rather New Age ideas about life. I didn't mention that I no longer lived by those ideas -- it would've opened too many questions.

However, I certainly understood the good home remedies could do! I was more than happy to trade my recipes for salves for Ray's tips on where to buy the best beeswax in Knoxville. So happy, in fact, that I got carried away.

"My mom makes beeswax candles," I said, hurrying to swallow the bite of panini I had in my mouth. "She used to scent 'em with oils from her flowers, but the oil would seep right outta the wax once it got warm." I chuckled, feeling my nose crinkle in the embarrassing way it does when I laugh. "Sometimes, at dinner, we'd light one of her candles at the table. We'd blink and suddenly there'd be a puddle of rose oil dripping onto the beans and cornbread!"

"Maybe I can help her out with that," Ray said with a grin. He took a quick sip of his coffee. "My grandparents keep bees over in India. My family has a lot of tips on how to melt and mix the wax."

I almost choked on my food when I realized I'd brought up my family. Shit...now I had to be careful.

"Maybe," I said with a causal shrug. "She's back home in West Viginia with everyone else. It's a little hard to make time to see 'em."

"Oh, I'm sure," Tess nodded. "It's the same with my daddy's side of the family. We're just so far apart we forget 'ta check up on each other as often as we should." She finished off the last of her bagel. "And with you, Fawn, you work full time with a little 'un at home. I'm sure 'ya family understands."

I didn't blink for a while. I just stared at the river until the cold breeze dried my eyes out. "Oh, well..." I cleared my throat, "I don't have a little one at home."

Tess looked confused. Ray looked mortified.

"But it says on 'ya file you were pregnant last year?" Tess half-asked, half-stated. I could tell from her tone that there was no malice in her. She'd clearly read my profile and made assumptions.

I smiled, maybe showing a little too much teeth. "Yeah, I was. Very healthy pregnancy, very healthy baby boy, but I don't have a little one at home."

Ray put his hand over his wife's wrist, his sea glass bracelet quietly clattering on the wooden table. Tess went pale and her look of confusion faded into a silent scream.

"Oh. I'm...I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't mean 'ta-."

"No, no! I don't mind bringing him up!" I said, a nervous laugh jittering my lungs. "I never get the chance to talk about my son, but I think about him all the time!"

I surprised myself when the expected sorrow didn't come. Instead, excitement filled its place -- an odd sense of relief that I could let out some of the thoughts that had been haunting me.

I proceeded to word-vomit about how wonderful it was to be pregnant with my son, and how angelic his parents were to me, and how I knew he would be okay -- even if I missed him -- and so forth and so on. I honestly don't think I stopped for breath.

I saw Ray and Tess glance at each other from the corners of their eyes as I rambled, a pair of knowing grins on their faces.

I'm no mind reader, but I think that's when the Tariqs made their final decision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tess was with me for the embryo transfer, her ring-laden hand resting on my arm as everything was prepped. I was bloated as a water balloon from the multiple fertility drugs I'd been plunging into my veins -- every day, might I add -- for the past month. I sure was hoping those suckers worked, because being in a permanent state of PMS was ass. Total ass.

I reclined on the exam table, legs up in those familiar stirrups and my hips covered by a thin sheet of paper. I inhaled through my nose as the doctor inserted a long, thin tube of plastic through the ring of my cervix -- the end of which was attached to a syringe full of clear fluid. Somewhere in that syringe, three little embryos floated around -- and one of them was hopefully about to nestle into its new home.

I watched the fuzzy grey blurs on the ultrasound screen as the doctor angled the wand to see what he was doing. As I watched each of the three tiny balls leave the tube...I just hoped those fertility drugs didn't work too well.

Tess grinned down at me once it was over, her blonde braid falling over her shoulder. "We got three good un's in there," she said. I noticed she was clutching the quartz pendant around her neck like a string of prayer beads. "I'm sure one of 'em will like 'ya enough 'ta stick around."

I think she was just as worried as I was. Tess's egg retrieval, the test tube fertilization, the freezing, and my daily injections all combined into almost three months of prep work just for this ten-minute procedure.

And if it failed, we'd have to do it all over again. And if that failed, we'd do it again. And again.

"Yeah," I sighed, lowering my legs from the stirrups, "I hope you're right, Tess. 'Cause if not, I swear to God I'm gonna have-."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"A girl!" Tess screeched to the high heavens, throwing herself against Ray in an attack hug. She jumped for joy while hanging from his neck, almost pulling the poor man to the floor. "It's a girl, Ray! We're havin' a girl!"

Ray laughed, backing up from the table so his wife didn't mule kick the ultrasound technician. "I don't know, Fawn," he said, looking my way with a huge smile and a raised eyebrow. "Do you think it's a girl?"

"Not sure," I said, my nose crinkling in a snicker, "but I think Tess said something about it being a girl."

"Shuddup you two," Tess giggled, sniffling as tears began falling down her cheeks.

Ray held his wife's face in his hands and gave her a kiss deep enough to explore the sea floor. The technician and I decided to focus on the ultrasound images to give the couple some privacy.

I craned my neck to look up at the screen. What had been a microscopic ball four months ago was now an apple-sized baby girl with wiggling arms and legs, and -- thank God -- there was only her in there. The other two embryos had never taken, but this rowdy little girl had held tight. I smiled as I watched the rapid flutter of her heart beating, amazed at the sight. I remembered being just as amazed by my son's heartbeat, what few times I'd gotten to see it.

"Look how active she is!" the technician said, pointing to the baby's constant wiggling. "You should be feeling those little dance moves of hers very soon."

Ray and Tess returned to admire the fuzzy images on the screen. Tess was drying her eyes on her sleeves, and Ray's smile may as well have been glowing. He had his arm around Tess's shoulders as they watched the miniature dance party going on inside me. The sea glass bracelet rattled as his hand came to rest over his heart.

"That's our daughter, Tess," he said. His voice broke a bit as he repeated: "That's our daughter."

"Yep," Tess sniffled, hugging her husband's torso and resting her head on his shoulder, "that's her."

I watched them hold each other like that until the technician turned off the wand and wiped the gel from my slightly rounded belly.

The Tariqs had already begun the steady payment plan we'd agreed to. Even after the agency took its cut each month, it was still more than I'd ever made in my life. That had been why I'd agreed to do this for them, after all.

That ultrasound appointment is what changed my outlook on what I was doing.

These two people. These two amazing people, so overcome with joy because I was carrying the baby that they could not.

I wasn't an incubator anymore. I felt more like a nanny, protecting their baby for them until she was strong enough to come out. They'd wanted this baby for so, so long -- and I was the one making that dream of theirs come true.

I knew what it was like to desperately want to hold a baby you were unable to have. I may not have been able to heal my own hurt, but here I was...healing theirs.

I wasn't doing it for the money after that.

I never did it for the money again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five days after my twenty-first birthday, I woke up to a rather nasty surprise at one in the morning. I'd gotten kicked in the bladder, and my bedsheets and pajama bottoms were damp and sticking to my skin in the humid July air. Fantastic. Not again.

With a groan, I rolled out of bed and started shuffling my way to my door. I held the weight of my belly in my arms as I made my way to the upstairs communal bathroom, hoping to take the pressure off my hips.

I blinked against the harsh florescent light as it sputtered to life over the toilet. With a gruff sigh, I shut and locked the door.

"Suri, you gotta stop doing this," I slurred, my mouth too tired to move. "I'm letting you use my uterus as a bed and breakfast. The least you could do is not try to pop my bladder every night."

Surinder. Her name was Surinder, but we'd been calling her Suri for short. Ray picked it out. He liked it because it was based on the name of a Hindu god and also sounded like the word 'surrender' in English. Tess had fallen in love with the name. Me? I would've just stuck with 'Suri'. I knew exactly what kind of teasing she was in for at school with a name like 'Surinder'.

You can't exactly walk into public school with a name like 'Fawn' and not get laughed into oblivion.

At least the nickname gave her an extra name to fall back on. If that didn't work, she also had her middle name to use: Elora. I would've done the same back in high school -- I did have three to pick from -- but 'Aspen', 'Coriander', and 'Medulla' wouldn't have made the teasing any better.

I'd gone in at age eighteen and erased two of those names. It was just "Fawn Coriander Sequioa" now. Still not a normal name by any means. I often thought about going back into the records and legally changing my last name, just like my parents had done when they'd joined the commune before I was born.

I didn't need my last name. My family didn't want me anymore.

Alexander may have opened up a whole new world for me, but he made sure I burned every bridge behind me as I crossed it. I was already beginning to question my parents' worldview by the time I started dating him, but he took that little spark of doubt -- a spark that, if left alone, would've grown into a steady burn-away of my old ideals -- and fanned those embers into an uncontrollable hatred.

"They're a cult, babe," he'd told me. "Why can't you see that? I can take you away from that bullshit that says you gotta fuck other guys to be happy. I only want what's best for you, and for us."

After months of letting my teenaged angst and frustration boil over, it happened. An argument started between Mom and I over something asinine, and the geyser fucking exploded.

I parroted everything Alexander had been telling me. I told my parents they were nothing but sexual perverts who wanted me to be a whore all my life. I told them how their "woo-woo" medicine got kids killed all over the country, and that blood was on their hands. I told them how much they'd fucked up in raising me.

I told them I hated them.

I told Dad I hoped the next woman who sucked his dick bit it off.

I told Mom that if it was her, I hoped she died choking on it.

The last time I saw Dad, he was throwing everything I owned out of my bedroom window until I was on the sidewalk surrounded by broken furniture and muddy clothes.

The last time I saw Mom, she was sobbing face-down on the couch and refusing to look at me.

Even now, I would be willing sell my soul -- to lay down and die -- just to undo what I did that day.

I didn't give a shit at the time, though. I picked up what I could carry off the front lawn and walked to the nearest payphone to call Alex. I had to tell him I was finally free.

Free.

Right.

What a fucking joke.

I splashed some cold water on my face to wash off the nighttime sweat. Suri rolled one of her feet against the top of my belly, causing a little moving bump that I playfully poked with my finger.

"I'm going to bill you for all those crazy dance parties you're having in there, missy," I said with a grin, a lot less frustrated with her than I was a second ago.

I grabbed a washcloth to start cleaning myself off, but the realization dawned on me and I stopped cold. That was her foot. Her foot was at the top of my belly...which meant her head was angled down...which meant there was no way she'd kicked my bladder.

As I stood at the sink trying to solve that puzzle, I found the missing piece. My belly clamped down hard enough to pitch me forward. I grabbed onto the sides of the sink with a small gasp, feeling the muscles of my torso all tighten and shrink in the direction of my uterus. As it did, a little more dampness spread across my pajama pants.

Oh fuck.

Oh, holy fuck!

I left the bathroom in as much of a jog as I could manage, rushing back into my room and to the brand-new cell phone charging by the window. I had no idea how to save numbers on that thing, so I manually dialed Ray's number. His was the only one I could remember.

The other side of the call rang for a solid thirty seconds before Ray's sleep-drunk voice picked up:

"Hello?" he grumbled. "Who is this?"

Oh, right. He probably didn't have my new number saved, either.

"Ray, it's Fawn," I said, noticing too late that my voice was trembling. "You and Tess need to come pick me up...like right now!"

I heard a rustle on the other end, and suddenly Ray sounded very much awake. "Fawn? Fawn, what's wrong?!" I thought I heard Tess say something nearby, probably on the other side of their bed. "Why do you need us to get you?! Suri isn't due for another two weeks!"

"She...she had other plans," I said, taking a deep breath to steel my nerves. "My water just broke."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray's face was illuminated by the highway streetlights as he glanced back at Tess and I in the backseat of the car. "How's it going back there?" he asked, flicking his gaze between us and the road.

"Aughh!" I groaned in response as a contraction stole my ability to speak. I tried to lift my hips off the leather seat as more fluid leaked from me, but the seatbelt held me down. I was already sitting in a small puddle of it, and I was worried I was ruining their upholstery. I was still dressed in my pajamas, but I considered them a lost cause.

"We're doin' fine," Tess said, slipping her hand into mine so I could squeeze it -- which I did. "Focus on the road, Ray."

Tess had buckled herself into the middle seat of the minivan, giving her enough room to tend to me while I was strapped in the window seat. I sat with my legs as far apart as the seatbelt would allow. I could already feel the baby pressing through my cervix, and I recognized the pounding pressure that came with it.

The contraction lasted about forty seconds, and it left me reeling and panting. I had no idea when to expect the next one. "Why is this happening so fast?!" I asked, my voice shrill with anxiety. "I was in labor for over a day last time!"

"It's probably not happenin' as fast as 'ya think, doll," Tess assured me, giving my hand a pat. "You could'a slept through most of early labor. Second baby always comes faster than the first, 'ya know."

No. No, I did not know!

"Tessie, how close did the doula say she was?" Ray asked, obeying his wife and not taking his eyes off the road that time.

Tess's face was bathed in white light as she quickly checked her phone. "Ten minutes," she said. "She'll be waiting outside the house when we get there."

Just before she put her phone away, I saw her clutching the quartz pendant again.

Just as promised, the doula was parked outside the Tariqs' farmhouse when we got there. She climbed out of her car as soon as our headlights lit up the gravel driveway. Ray parked the minivan with a lurch and jumped out to start helping her carry things into the house.

Tess helped me out of the car, letting me use her as a crutch as we hobbled up the front steps.

"You ready 'ta do this, Fawn?" she asked.

"Are you ready to do this?" I rebutted.

Tess paused for a second, and then rubbed my lower back as we reached the porch. "Not really," she said, "but no one ever is."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turns out, I wasn't as deep into active labor as I thought I was. In fact, I'd barely started it. The doula told me I was six centimeters dilated, and that I'd likely been in labor for close to twelve hours at that point.

"No, that's not possible," I protested from my reclined position on the sofa. "I wasn't having contractions until now."

"Trust me, you were," the doula grinned from her place between my knees. She slipped off her blue latex gloves and tossed them in the trash as she stood up. "I'm willing to bet they were just really mild up until you started leaking."

It was a relief to know my water breaking didn't mean I was going to deliver right there and then; but it also sucked knowing I was still in for a long ride.

I spent the rest of that night laboring around the farmhouse. It was so nice to not be stuck in a hospital room that time. I was free to do as I pleased, which Ray and Tess were sure to make clear.

Ray opened a few of the windows to let the sounds of crickets and frogs in, as well as the sweet-smelling breeze of the countryside. Meanwhile, Tess made it her life's mission to make me as cozy as possible -- no matter where I ended up. Thanks to her, pillows followed me from the sofa to the floor, from the floor to the recliner, and then back to the sofa.

Eventually, I got too restless to sit still and I needed to be upright. I was on my feet for the rest of active labor, hanging from the edges of furniture or leaning on either Tess or Ray for support during the contractions. Neither of them minded a bit.

It didn't hurt any less than the first time I went into labor. At times, I was so overcome by the increasing horrible sensations that I began screaming. Each time that happened, either Tess or Ray (whichever I was currently clinging to) would wrap their arms around me and the other would redirect my focus.

"Look at me, doll," Tess said, taking my face in her hands while Ray held me upright.

I was hyperventilating and sobbing my way through a nasty contraction and had forgotten how to use my legs.

"Look at me," she repeated gently. "Focus on my face. See my eyes? My nose? My mouth?" she pointed to each feature as she listed them. "Just think about what'cha see. Think about every detail 'ya can."

It was a technique that sounded stupid on paper, but in practice it was very effective at keeping me grounded. If I counted each of Tess's eyelashes or tried to trace the shape of her mouth in my mind's eye, then I didn't focus on the pain.

I could do it. I knew I could. I'd done this whole song and dance before without painkillers. I could do it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At ten in the morning, eight hours after arriving at the house, I finally felt the shift that told me I was almost done with this.

I was kneeling on the hardwood floor of the living room, my thighs supported by the shallow birthing stool the doula had brought. Beneath me was an absorbent blue pad. Based on the design of the packaging it was pulled it from, it was supposed to be for potty training puppies. Weird...but if it worked, it worked -- and it was certainly needed. The head was descending quicky, and a few bloody strands of cervical mucus were dripping from me as the last of it gave way.

I'd shed the damp pajamas I came in, but the sweat rolling down my back made me shiver each time an outdoor breeze came through. Tess draped a thin blanket over my shoulders and stayed at my back, her hands never leaving my upper arms as I bowed my head and wailed through a transition contraction.

Ray knelt a few feet in front of me, the doula at his side. He looked a strange mixture of nauseous and excited -- we had decided he would be the one to catch the baby, and the doula was talking him through the process ahead of time. I noticed he was holding a hand to his heart as he listened to her, the sea glass bracelet hanging from his wrist.

We all knew it was about to happen.

When the head finally lodged itself into my birth canal, I said nothing. I just acted. I gripped the front edges of the foot-tall birthing stool and let out a feral growl as I started to push. A chorus of encouragement came from the people around me:

"That's it, doll! C'mon!"

"Go with the urge, Fawn. You've got this!"

"Very good, that's what we like to see."

Having gravity on my side this time made pushing feel much less like a chore. I could feel Suri working her way down each push I gave, and she usually stayed where she was once I let up. Kneeling on the stool seemed to be easing her down exactly where she needed to go.

I let out a yelp -- of surprise more than pain -- as I suddenly felt her head pressing against the skin of my perineum. The pressure opened my lips up like a flower, and the doula shined a flashlight underneath me to confirm her head was visible just inside the bulge of my lips, sitting there ready to crown with the next push.

And holy fuck, did she crown! The burn started the second her scalp met the outside air.

"Oww! God-fucking-damn it!" I white-knuckled the wooden stool, a strangled scream leaving my throat as I felt the head bulge out further, peeling my vagina apart like some demented fruit.

Ray scooted closer, rubbing alcohol up and down his arms in preparation to catch. With the doula watching over his shoulder and aiming a flashlight down so he could see, Ray slipped his hands beneath me. I felt his fingers prodding the skin around the head.

"Just like that, yes," the doula told him. "Help her open, this baby seems to be eager."

"No shit!" I roared, my arms trembling as another push sent the head rushing downward. "Fuck!"

I felt Ray's fingers trace the circumference of his daughter's head as more of it emerged, heard the quiet squelching of the afterbirth coating his fingers. When I no longer had the contraction to help me, I let up. Ray kept trying to massage my vagina open, even as I was trying to rest.

"Stop!" I snapped, and he withdrew.

Tess was hiding behind me, her hands on my shoulders the only reminder she was there. She peeked over my shoulder at her husband during the brief lull in my screaming.

"How far is she out?" she asked, unable to see for herself.

The doula craned her neck. "Almost fully crowned."

"She has so much hair," Ray said with a breathy laugh.

"She does," the doula agreed with a grin. "Her daddy's hair, too. Very dark."

I tilted my head to the side, panting heavily but morbidly curious. "Can...can I feel?" I asked.

The doula took my hand and lead it below my belly. I gasped in awe when I touched the hot, gooey ball of hair sticking out from my body.

"Woah..." I muttered, not sure what to else to say.

My fingertips wandered between my legs for a few seconds, and it was both fascinating and horrifying how my anatomy felt nothing like my own body. Everything was stretched and moved around, and it didn't feel like I was touching anything resembling a human body part -- save for the head sitting where a head shouldn't be. Frightened, I pulled my hand back just in time to bear down against a new contraction.

"Hands out, Ray," the doula gently encouraged. "Here she comes."

I felt Tess press her forehead into my upper back. I think she was feeling faint.

"Ah!" A sharp cry, almost a bark, shot from me as the head reached a full crown for a few terrible seconds. Then, with a wet slip, her whole head came free.

"Holy Mother Gaia..." Ray marveled in a half-whisper. His hands cupped the head hanging under me with the most attentive care in the world.

He didn't have much time to admire the view, I wasn't done pushing. I screamed through closed lips as I felt the ring of flesh just behind my skin get stretched wider than it had ever been. I knew something was wrong as soon as that stabbing, tearing burn began. Suri was two weeks early, but she suddenly felt bigger than my son had been.

"Pull her out!" I begged, remembering what the doctor had done. "Just pull her out!"

"Can't," the doula said. "Her hands are up by her ears, there's nowhere for us to grab."

"Take it slow, Fawn," Ray offered. "I've got her, there's no reason to rush."

I took a few quick pants and rested, hoping the stabbing burn would lessen if I let myself stretch out. It's no wonder it hurt so bad delivering her shoulders, she was making this part more difficult than it needed to be.

Tess's hands lightly squeezed my arms and I felt her hiding her face in the blanket draped over my back. Yeah, she was definitely on the verge of passing out.

Gravity was pulling on Suri even as I was trying to let myself stretch, and the shifting pressure triggered me to push without the aid of a contraction.

"Aughh, Suri come on!" I begged, pushing so hard my vision was going double.

Maybe saying her name was intimidating enough to get her to move, because with that push I felt her arms pop free. Ray gasped, and I felt his hands shift to support her upper body as the rest of her slipped out of me. I heard fluid splash and splatter onto the puppy pad, and just a second later, Ray lifted a small blue baby up from under me.

"Get her breathing," the doula urgently instructed. "Turn her over and rub her back. Support her head."

Ray obeyed, gently flipping Suri over on his lap and rubbing his large hand over her back. Her head hung disturbingly limp on her neck as he jostled her around, but I knew that's what it was supposed to be like. It still looked scary.

Suri splayed her arms out, as if she's been surprised, and let out a gurgling wail as her first breath.

"There she is," Ray sighed with releif, turning her back over to hold her in his arms. The doula whipped out a small towel and draped it over her body to keep her warm.

Tess came back to life and rushed to be beside her husband the instant she heard the baby cry. The moment she saw Suri in her daddy's hands, she dropped to her knees and covered her mouth. Her eyes spilled over, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Oh, Ray!" she cried, her voice shaky and breaking. She reached out and pet her daughter's wet mop of black hair. "Ray, she's beautiful!"

Ray couldn't answer, he was too choked on tears of his own. Both parents held their daughter between their bodies, too joyful for words to express. Their tears and shared kisses told the story, though.

As for me, I wasn't too sure what to make of the situation. She was out, she was healthy, and her parents would be taking it from here. My job was done; but it did feel a bit...abrupt.

"Fawn," Tess turned to me, uselessly trying to dry her eyes, "do you want to hold her?"

I didn't think, I just spoke: "Yes. I've never held a baby before."

Ray and Tess lifted Suri up to me. Ray adjusted my hold so I could support the places that needed it, and Tess made sure the bloodied towel was in place so Suri wouldn't get cold. Within seconds, there I was with a minute-old baby in my arms, sitting against my bare chest.

I stared down silently at the tiny person who had been living inside me the last nine months. She was screaming her head off, but her lungs were sounding clearer each time her mouth opened. Her pink, toothless gums reminded me of a fish's mouth.

"Hey, Suri," I said, my voice sounding far away. "Must feel better out here, huh?" Suri wailed again, unhappily flailing her arms and legs around. "Or not."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I rested on the sofa, extra puppy pads beneath me, as the doula and the parents did the 'lotus ceremony' on the other side of the room. I'd had to sit on that stool for an extra twenty minutes until the placenta passed -- Ray and Tess wanted to have a lotus birth, where the cord was burned through only after the afterbirth was delivered.

I didn't want to know what they planned to do with the placenta itself.

Ray had offered to drive back to the women's shelter later that day to grab my duffel bag for me. In my panic, I'd completely forgotten the overnight bag I'd packed. So, for the time being, I was naked and covered only by the thin blanket Tess had given me.

The lotus ceremony finished up, and Ray and Tess pulled up some chairs to sit beside me. Tess had gone topless and had laid a sleeping Suri carefully across her chest, doing skin-to-skin so they could establish the proper mother-baby bond. Her eyes were red and raw, and fresh tears were falling from them.

"Fawn," she began, "you'll never know how much this means 'ta us."

"You're welcome," I said, offering the couple a tired smile. "She was a rowdy tenant, but I'd gladly do it again to give you guys the family you want. You'll be an amazing mom, Tess."

Tess let out a small sob that turned into a chuckle. "Thank 'ya."

Ray rubbed his wife's back, his own fresh tears falling. "We have something very special to give you, Fawn. It's...the closest thing we have to fully repaying you."

Tess nodded. "Money ain't enough. It would never be enough."

In sync, both couples removed the pieces of jewelry I'd never seen them without: Tess, her quartz pendant; Ray, his sea glass bracelet. Without a word, both new parents bestowed the items on me as if it were a coronation. Tess slipped the pendant around my neck and flipped my hair out from under the chain it hung on. Ray carefully slid the band of clattering sea-green beads over my hand until it came to rest softly on my wrist.

I looked at the new gifts with a grateful smile. "Something to remember you guys by?"

The couple gave each other one of their classic knowing grins.

"No," Tess said. "We chose these items months ago. They were always intended for who our surrogate would be."

I tilted my head to the side like a confused dog -- I guess the puppy pads were appropriate after all. "What?"

"From the day we met you, we've been praying over them," Ray explained, repeating the hand-over-heart motion I'd frequently seen him do with the hand that had worn the bracelet. "Each milestone we reached, we made sure our joy in the moment was stored in the crystals."

"Quartz is best to channel the energy of a mother, for Mother Gaia," Tess explained. "Glass shaped by the sea is best for a father's energy, for all life was fathered by the sea."

We were silent for a while, just staring at each other. The only sound was the soft cooing Surinder made in her sleep.

"We want you 'ta be a part of this family, Fawn," Tess said. "We've put a part of our essence into these crystals. Our joy, our love, our gratitude. So, whenever 'ya wear 'em, we'll be with 'ya."

Now I was crying. I opened my jaw to say something, but nothing came.

"We've talked about it, and..." Ray said with a smile. "...if you would like to, we'd be more than happy to have you stay here with us until you get back on your feet."

"Livin' out here has been much less of a headache than in the city," Tess continued. "We could help you find a nice 'lil place of your own sometime soon, a home where you can make a life for 'yaself."

There was another pause. I let tears fall silently down my bewildered face.

"You don't talk much about 'ya family," Tess said. "You don't owe us no explanation, but...Ray and I figured...you might need someone in 'ya corner."

That was it. That was the killing blow.

I jumped forward and threw my arms over Ray, collapsing into sobs I hadn't experienced in months. I would've grabbed both of them, but Tess had the baby. I didn't actually say anything to them, but I think they got the message.

Maybe there was something to those New Age ideas of theirs. As I sat there sobbing, I swear I could feel the warmth of Tess and Ray's love seeping into my skin through those minerals.

It seeped through my blood and sinew, and even though bone. It settled into the bleeding wound in my soul that refused to heal, the one that had been torn open the first time I called my family after the fallout:

My own mother, the one who promised to love me no matter what life threw, plunged the knife in and twisted it. The last words she ever spoke to me...were a threat to kill me if I ever tried to come back home.

The warmth of Ray and Tess's gift poured into that wound like warm honey -- not healing it, but soothing it for the first time in three years.

Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe the heat in the jewelry was just from their body heat.

But I was sure about one thing:

I wasn't alone anymore.

~ END ~

#Fawn Drabbles #mittysins #birth kink #RP Drabble

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adrianasunderworld · 3 months

Text

💕Gift for a Godmother💕

A valentines drabble of Crowley wanting to get Clara a present.

@mangacupcake @marrondrawsalot @writing-heiress @the-weirdos-mind

💝💝💝

The council was not very helpful. And by council he meant his ward and young cousin he had gone to for an opinion on what to buy for Valentine's Day.

Crowley sat on the living room floor of Ramshackle, his laptop open in front of him on the coffee table,several tabs open to various shopping websites. His coat and hat tossed aside on the nearby chair. He wishes he was better at gift giving. He had known Clara for years, getting her a gift should have been easier than this.

Dreary and Isabelle also sat on the floor, just as perplexed, eating the snacks he brought to bribe them into helping him.

“What about shoes?” Isabelle suggested through a mouth half filled with candy, “She always has the best shoes.”

“ Yes, but what kind?” That had been his first thought. “She buys every pair she wants from all her favorite brands. Everytime I peak at her wishlist it's seems to be after she's already bought them.”

“You mentioned she likes clothes,” Dreary said, “Maybe that? Or accessories, like a handbag.”

“Similar problem,” Dire said as he looked through the tabs of all her favorite shops. There was very few things Clara did not possess. If she didn't, it was not her style at all. He had known her long enough to tell her taste at a glance and somehow that made it all the more difficult to find something just right.

“What do you normally do for Valentine's anyways?” The prefect asked.

“A standard card, and flowers she likes,” Crowley replied, thinking of all the years past. They had been standard gifts, and he never forgot a year. “But I want to do something different this year, even if it's a small gift.”

“But why?” Dreary asked, leaning forward with her chin resting in her hands. Isabelle leaned forward as well. “What changed?”

Suddenly the Headmage felt coming to Ramshackle was a mistake as both girls looked at him expectantly for an answer. He cleared his throat and tried to play it off. “No reason. Just felt doing something different to show my appreciation for my fellow Headmage.”

“Uh huh. Now what's that real reason?” Isabelle replied, clearly not buying a word of it.

“It's ok, Dire. You can tell us.” Dreary said softly.

Crowley knew they would not leave him alone now. He could already picture them in his office pestering to tell. “I just… Want to make it special this year. Nothing big has happened to warrant it I suppose. I simply want to give her something she deserves for a change.”

“Translation: You like her and want to actually shoot your shot.” Isabelle said.

“Not how I would have put it, but in a manner of speaking, yes.”

Dreary seemed excited at this development. “That's sweet! I think this will go well.”

“Before you get your hopes up, I need a gift.”

“Ok well what does she like besides fashion?” Isabelle asked as she grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. “You might be able to narrow it down more if you just make a list.”

“Besides clothing and shoes, she has one of the biggest sweet tooths I think I've ever seen. Especially for pumpkin flavored treats. Pie, coffee, you name it. It's one of the few things she refuses to share. She loves pastel colors. If it comes in a soft pink or blue, she'll take it everytime. Oh, she loves Romance movies and novels. She always insists she doesn't cry at them, but the happy endings always get to her-”

Dreary and Isabelle glanced at each other as Dire rambled on about Headmage Cristalería.

“-and don't even get me started on her and the autumn time-”

“Dire!” Dreary interrupted. “What about hobbies?”

“Hm? Oh she absolutely adores miniatures.”

“Miniatures?” Isabelle asked. “Like dollhouse stuff?”

“Yes, she's always found them cute. But she likes making and getting them for her mice and the pixies of White Ash to enjoy. She also adores her mice. She's told me she's looked after the mice in the school since she was a child, they mean a great deal to her.” As he said it, Dire finally had an idea. “Wait a minute.”

“What?” Dreary leaned over to see what he was looking up and smiled approvingly. “These are adorable.”

Isabelle peeked as well at the screen to look at the online store Dire was scrolling through. “Aw. She'll like these.”

“I hope so.”

***

“Good morning, Prudence.” Clara greeted her assistant as she walked into the main office of the school.

“Good morning, Headmage.” The woman replied with a nod of her head.

“Anything of note this morning?”

“No, but a delivery came for you shortly after I came in. I left it on your desk.”

“Delivery?” Clara asked, trying to think of what it could it could be. “I wasn't expecting any deliveries.”

“It's seems to be a gift, ma'am. The tag said it was from Mr. Crowley of Night Raven.”

“Ah, I see. I'll take a look at it now. Thank you Prudence.” Clara opened the door to her office and was immediately greeted to the sight of a bouquet of white and pink roses in a glass vase on her desk.

She smiled at the sight as she admired the flowers, picking out the card that was addressed to her from it.

Then she noticed the two small boxes as well. One of the mice that was always sniffing around her office seemed rather interested in the smaller box. Opening it, she noticed it had the logo of a bakery she regularly went to, so she was delighted to see it full of her favorite pumpkin cookies inside. She was already thinking of how they would taste with her morning coffee. Before she got ahead of herself, she opened the slightly larger box. In it was a miniature open carriage. Pink with all the intricate little details molded onto the side painted in silver, it's little seats made with a soft white material. Clara thought it was adorable with all its little details. She set it down, the mouse scurried over to it to investigate. Crawling in, the little seat was just the right size for the little creature.

“Is that comfortable, Augusta?” Clara asked as she reached over to pet her.

Augusta the mouse squeaked in approval.

The fae woman chuckle to herself a bit before finally opening the card.

I hope you enjoy these gifts. I wanted you to have something special this year, simply because you deserve it. Happy Valentine's - Dire Crowley

Clara smiled. As obnoxious as Dire was, he knew when to be sweet. She picked up her phone as she sat in her chair, looking at Augusta the mouse drift off to sleep in the tiny carriage.

“Good morning, Clara.”

“Hello, Dire. I just got your gifts.”

“I hope you liked them.”

“I did, I wanted to call and thank you. They're very sweet.”

“I'm glad. Clara, now that I have you on the phone, I hope you'll let me treat you to dinner as well tonight if you're not busy.”

The corner of her lips curled up into a smile. “I'd like that, Dire.”

#twisted wonderland #twst oc #twst yuu #miss yuu #isabelle rosa #dreary crowley #dire crowley #clara cristalería #twst oc x canon

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kittyt-hexxed · 2 years

Text

Frazzled Nerves

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader (College AU)

Word Count: 1.5k (this one is short and sweet)

Warnings: Stressed Reader, Mentionings of anxiety attacks, forgetting to eat, massages

Summary: It’s the day before finals week and you’re stressed out about your Biology final. Your girlfriend Abby shows up at your dorm when she can’t get ahold of you and ends up helping you relax.

If there was one thing you wish someone told you about college was that it’d ruin your life. Hours upon hours of work that you finished only to be given new work. Some of your professors didn’t care that you were literally drowning in homework, and others - while sympathetic - said that the work was necessary. You had a goal in life and it required going to college, but sometimes you wanted to drop out. Your social life was strained because you weren’t the type to go out and get wasted a night before exams. And speaking of exams, you were stressed out from the amount of material you needed to study for finals. You’re sitting at your desk, barely processing what you’re reading because you were exhausted. Your biology final is the first one tomorrow morning and it is worth half of your grade. So rightfully, you were freaking out. You were so focused that you hadn’t answered any of your texts or even knew where your phone was.

A knock sounds at your door, making you sigh and put your pen down. You get up from the chair, wincing when you realize that your legs had fallen asleep, and walk to the door. You open it and feel a small rush of energy when you lock your eyes with Abby’s blue ones. She must have texted one of your dormmates to let her in.

“Hey, baby.” You smile at her, moving aside so she can step into your room.

“Is everything alright, Y/n?” Abby asks in concern, “You haven’t responded to my texts and when I called you earlier it went to voicemail.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, Abby. I’ve been studying since I woke up this morning.” You sigh and run a hand through your hair, “I don’t know where my phone is so it’s probably dead by now.”

“You’ve been studying all day?” Abby sounds even more concerned now, “Have you eaten anything?” You bite your lip and look away from her. No, you haven't eaten anything. You didn’t have the time to with how much work you had to get done. Abby sighs and you watch with furrowed brows as she walks to your laptop and starts exiting out of your tabs.

“Abby!” You gasp, “What are you doing?” You rush over to her, but she gently pushes you away from the desk. You couldn’t hide the distressed look on your face and it makes Abby’s eyes soften. She sits down in your chair, closing your notebook and pulling you onto her lap.

“Baby, you need to relax. Stressing yourself out over this exam is going to make you sick.” Abby cuddles you against her, “I’m going to get us something to eat, and when I come back you’re going to relax with me, okay?” She was speaking in her dom voice. The soft, soothing voice that makes you feel all fuzzy when she uses it.

“Okay.” You whisper, nodding your head.

“Good girl.” Abby kisses your forehead and you get off of her so she can get up, “Do you want the usual order from Minty’s or something else?”

“You’re going to Minty’s?” Your eyes widen, “But, Minty’s is all the way across campus.”

“That’s okay. I know you like their shakes, so I don’t mind having to drive there. Now, do you want the same meal or not?”

“Yes, please.” You nod, shyly crossing your arms over your stomach when it makes a noise.

“Alright, I’ll be right back. And no going back to work. You’re relaxing for the rest of the night.” Abby points at you and you sigh but nod your head. She leaves your room and since she said no more studying you decide to clean up your desk. You take a deep breath to try and ease your nerves as you do, making sure to put everything where they go. Once that was done, you went searching for your phone and put it on the charger. You couldn’t sit down, too anxious to get back to studying so you ended up pacing the room until you hear Abby knock on your door.

You let her in, taking the drink coaster from her hands and watching as she hangs your dorm keys back up, “When did you take my keys?” You question her and the smell of the food makes your stomach rumble.

“I took it on my way out.” Abby chuckles, walking over to the beanbags you have in the corner. She takes your food out of the bag and hands it to you after you put the drink coaster on the floor. You smile happily, opening the container and immediately digging into it, “Thank you, babe.”

“You’re welcome.” Abby smiles at you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “Now, don’t eat too fast or you’ll choke. You’re supposed to be relaxing, so I don’t want you to mention school.”

“But-” You stop when she gives you a stern look, sighing and going back to your food. While you ate, the two of you talked about the meet-up your friends are having. There was a party at the end of the semester where they smoked weed and watched comedy movies until they passed out. It would be next weekend and everyone was required to bring their own snacks so there wouldn’t be any complaining. You didn’t know if you’d make it to the end of the week with how stressed you were.

“Okay, angel.” Abby hums, pulling you onto her lap, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“There’s just… too much work to do.” You tear up, Abby rubbing your back, “I’m stressed out about finals and my biology one is half of my grade. If I fail it, then I could end up failing the class! I can’t fail the class!”

“Ssshhh, angel. You’re not going to fail the class.” She comforts you but lets you cry. She knew that it was better to let you cry it out, so it would help you calm down. The feeling of her rubbing your back was soothing and you closed your eyes to enjoy it.

“I like when you do this.” You sigh happily. If there was one thing you love about your girlfriend is that she knew how to get you to relax. When you got stressed it tended to overwhelm you and could lead to anxiety attacks if you weren’t careful. Ever since you met Abby, she had a way of calming you down by just being with you.

“Yeah? You like my massages, too. Would you like one, angel?” You’re jumping up from her lap before she finishes her sentence. Abby laughs and you get into your pajamas while she cleans up the mess. With a little hop, you get into bed and lay down on your stomach. You watch as Abby changes into her pajamas and takes a seat next to you.

“Take a deep breath for me, baby.” Abby pets your head and you close your eyes, taking in a deep breath.

“Good girl.” Abby coos, making you blush, “I’m going to start at your neck, okay? I want you to count to a minute and then take a deep breath.”

“Okay.” You mumble as she starts to work her fingers into your neck. You loved her massages. You were shocked when she told you that she wanted to be a massage therapist at one point in her life. It was because she spent a decent amount of time volunteering at the hospital her dad worked and found physical therapy interesting. That was before she found out that she liked working with chemicals and chose to become a chemist instead.

You winced slightly when she started working on a tense spot in your shoulder, hearing her utter a soft apology. That was where you carried the most tension when you were stressed out so she was being extra attentive. You felt fuzzy as Abby praised you for being good for her and relaxing your body. All thoughts of your finals faded away and you focused on the feeling of her hands on your body. With every press of her fingers, you felt more and more sleepy but you kept counting and taking deep breaths as she told you to. You wanted to say something, but you were taking in all of the sweet words that Abby was saying to you. It went from praises to compliments and before you knew it, you were fighting to keep your eyes open.

“Baby…” The word comes out slightly slurred from how sleepy you are.

“Are you falling asleep on me, angel?” Abby chuckles lowly, kissing your shoulder.

“Nooo?” You try to deny it, but your statement comes out as a question.

“I think you are.” She hums. You feel her get off of the bed, followed by the sound of the lights being turned off. You feel the bed dip again, Abby sliding under the covers with you. You hum happily, snuggling up with her and she wraps her arms around you.

“How are you feeling?” She whispers, kissing your forehead. You were too sleepy to respond to her, choosing to snuggle closer instead before falling asleep in her arms. Completely forgetting that you had been so stressed out about your exam the next day.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson #abby the last of us #abby x reader #college au #destressing

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choicesmc · 2 months

Note

okay i've been dying to know about fiona

12. Open the notes/note-taking app on their phone. What’s there?

15. Describe their computer. Is it a sticker covered laptop? A high-tech gaming computer?

16. Let’s look at their search history. What are the last 5 things they searched?

also how is his 'process' like? say he's looking up info for a case online, where is he usually inclined to start the discovery process? and how is his research process like? chaotic w/ 7 million tabs open? slow and steady - one tab at a time, collecting links in a docs or taking notes by hand' person?

ahhhh, glad you’ve taken an interest in him!! Fiona is very very pleased xD

12. Open the notes/note-taking app on their phone. What’s there?

First things first: there are so many of them. And none of them are blank, they have writing in them. There’s a couple of shopping lists/item orders he has jotted down but those are droplets compared to the amount of memos he has in them.

The memos can be literally anything: Gigi’s new outfit is stellar, Beau wants to check out a new restaurant, Gabe’s wearing his best suit, he found some music Aislinn might like, a briefcase Martin would adore etc.

It’s really an observation log of anything and everything Fiona notices. Sometimes he reminds himself to tell the other person whatever it is he’s noticed. Sometimes his observations live and die in his memos.

On slow days at the office (so a blue moon day) he goes through and sorts all his notes into folders for easy access later! …He has so many folders. Enough that it defeats the point of sorting all his memos into folders. (but he doesn’t mind.)

15. Describe their computer. Is it a sticker covered laptop? A high-tech gaming computer?

Beau picked up his laptop case, weighing it in hand, “It’s a really nice color.” Fiona glanced over from his meal, the soft green never failing to put him in a better mood, “Yeah, it’s why I bought it.” Cracking a smile, Beau chuckled, “Fair enough man. Who’re the makers?” Fiona leaned back, “Hah, wish I knew. Literally can’t find anything on it. It’s like it doesn’t exist anywhere but in my house.” Beau fell silent for a couple seconds before speaking again, “What’s this flag?” “Which one?” “The green and white one. I know the others: the bi flag, the trans flag, pride, but I can’t place that one.” “The green-white-green one?” “Yeah.” “The Nigerian flag?”

Fiona has two laptops 1) for work and 2) personal. His work laptop is clean and sleek. While he doesn’t decorate the laptop itself, he did switch out i’s case for a sweetgreen one (hex: A5D56E –it's really pleasing to look at!) and he hangs small knitted flags from it.

His personal computer is an older model. He was close friends with one of the IT guys at the university Fiona used to work at who let him have it. Said they were planning to throw them out anyway.

So his personal laptop has been with him since a little before quitting his job as a professor, going through law school, and his first couple years as an actual lawyer.

Safe to say, it’s had better days. It’s covered in stickers, mostly from his teaching days (he doesn’t add more these days). And he mostly hooks it up to his tv anyways so he can watch downloaded movies on full screen 👍

Fiona really doesn’t do much with his personal laptop. He already looks at laptops/computers so much at work that he is all laptop fatigued when he gets home.

16. Let’s look at their search history. What are the last 5 things they searched?

explaining gunshot wounds

hibiscus flowering season

ugh, food for bad moods

name of 2nd circuit judge

gifts for shameless men

*based heavily off where he is in this series [don’t let this be the last time]

If Fiona’s memos are observation logs. His search history is a damn diary. He’s got a process going on:

have a thought -> search it up -> thought satisfied -> go back to serious stuff

Though, he does this stuff on his personal phone. Even he’s not confident enough to search half the stuff he thinks up on a company issued device.

Mads, can I just say I love your questions? Like they make me think and consider stuff I hadn’t considered yet. (and it’s also why it takes me forever to get back to you 😭)

His method definitely falls into slow and steady territory. Everything done in order from top to bottom, do not disturb the order –it’ll distress him.

Every case starts with one tab, a legal pad, and a nice, dark pen. He takes his first notes by hand just free-guessing potential ways to approach a case. It’s real messy with tons of things scratched out and asterisks and arrows pointing nowhere. Anything that might help gets placed down regardless of how possible or helpful it’d actually be. This is all just brainstorming.

Then he goes back in red ink once he’s understood what he wants to do. Circling and starring the important stuff that he actually wants to keep/can make use of. It helps him double check his work along with making sure everything seems like a reasonable game.

Finally he puts his ideas into a memo that he can share with whoever else he’s working with, if any. Even when he’s not working with someone, Fiona finds that memo writing helps him think through everything and ensure he’s not making any logical jumps.

#asks answered #ask game #inlocusmads #oc/mc #fiona lightwood #tiny tidbits

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innytoes · 8 months

Note

Ooh how about a wrong number au for Reggie ship of your choice?

- @anotherfantom

-When Ray's phone goes in the middle of the night and hears someone sniffle and ask 'can you come pick me up' he is suddenly wide awake and out of bed in an instant.

-Except Carlos is in his bed, and well, Julie is across the country at university. He is one hundred percent ready to call Victoria and get in his car and drive to the airport to catch the first flight to New York...

-But when the static of adrenaline in his ears wears off, the voice is still talking, rambling: "I know you said it was a bad idea but he was so hot, Alex, he was so hot and charming and I met him somewhere public and I was safe and come on, you know I can't say no to a hot silver fox like that except he wanted to go to this other place away from down town and it was fun but then when I wouldn't put out he left me with the tab and I'm somewhere on the edge of the burbs and there's no busses here and I'm lost and there's no wifi and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Lex..."

-And Ray really feels for this guy, but he's not Alex. He gently lets the poor guy know, telling him he's sorry his date went badly, and wishing him good luck.

-The guy, Reggie, is very apologetic for waking him up and ranting at him. He even asks his name so he can apologise properly. He is maybe a little drunk, so Ray humours him.

-He's just cozied back up in bed and dozing off when his phone rings again.

-"You dialed the wrong number again, Reggie."

-"Ray?" Reggie sounds a lot more upset than last time. "Alex isn't picking up and I think I took a wrong turn and now I'm really lost and I still don't have wifi. Or money to call a taxi. Can you please... just... check a map for me or something? Please? I'm sorry."

-And Ray feels so bad for this guy that he actually wanders downstairs and boots up his laptop to do so. Only for Reggie to read the street signs and him to realise that 1) Reggie is nowhere near anywhere he can catch a bus or a taxi to wherever home is and 2) that is a rather sketchy part of town.

-Before he knows it, he's in his car, because he can't just leave some poor unfortunate soul out there, knowing he could have helped.

-When he finds Reggie, he's kind of surprised to see the guy is in his early thirties and not, as Ray was projecting, a teenager or just-turned young adult like his own kids.

-"Reggie?" he asks, and Reggie looks so sad and small his protective instincts flare up again. He opens the passenger door for him and Reggie slides in, looking embarrassed and apologising profusely.

-"Oh man and you're super hot too and I can't even hit on you because you might kick me out of the car and also you already know what a loser I am," Reggie blurts out, and Ray just chuckles because yeah, Reggie is a very honest and rambly drunk.

-He's about to ask Reggie what exactly his address is, since on the phone he only asked for busses to a specific neighbourhood, but Reggie is already passed out in the passenger's seat.

-Which is why - and god he must be insane - he brings Reggie home. He's not quite trusting enough to let him in the guest room inside the house, but he pulls out the sofa in the studio, carries Reggie there, and covers him with some blankets. There's nothing in here worth stealing except Rose's piano, which is pretty impossible to get out of there through the gate (he knows, since Rose pointed it out after he spent a whole Saturday building it when the kids were little, laughing at his face).

-He puts a large note on the door to come up to the house for breakfast if he wants, or some painkillers, and goes back to bed.

-Around ten the next morning, there's a sheepish knock on the backdoor. Ray meets Reggie with some painkillers and a glass of water, getting a muttered 'you really are a hero' as Reggie downs them.

-He kind of has to fill Reggie in on what the hell happened because he can't remember, and the guy was really embarrassed. He admits that his friends warned him not to go on this date, that the guy seemed sketchy, but that he was really hot and charming and he had a motorcycle, and well, he was getting a bit sick of being the perpetually single dude in their friend group.

-They actually get to talking a little about how hard dating is, how The Apps suck, how people only seem to want hook-ups anymore. Ray tells Reggie about how he and his wife had a bizarre Meet Cute where she chased him all over the city because he lost his keys during a photo walk, but he couldn't hear her because he had his Walkman on. And how he wishes he could just have something like that again, an actual 'how we met' story that didn't involve swiping or emojis.

-Yes he grimaces a little at how 'walkman' dates him, but Reggie just swoons at how romantic that is, and tells him about his friends Alex and Willie who literally crashed into each other.

-Around that time, Reggie's friend Alex starts FRANTICALLY CALLING HIM like 'omg you called me seven times in the middle of the night are you okay' and Reggie has to reassure him that he hasn't been serial murdered. He leaves out the whole 'I called a stranger and slept in his garage' part, which, clever.

-Maybe Ray offers to make him breakfast and then drive him home.

-Maybe Reggie asks him out in the car, hopeful and cute and 'hey, you wanted a cool meet cute story right?'

-Maybe Ray says yes.

#I wrote a thing #AUs are awesome #julie and the phantoms #rayxreggie #fanfic #listen making dumb mistakes in your thirties is a VALID LIFE CHOICE don't be mean to Reggie #it worked out for him didn't it he got a Ray out of it #alex: that's not.... okay

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observeowl · 2 years

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Last Name N.R

Natasha Romanoff x Platonic!Reader

Summary: After having a fallout with your father, you went to legally change your last name

People think if you have Stark as your last name, you’re set for life. What they didn’t know is the pressure they have to carry, the expectations people have of you and the stress you have to carry.

I tried every way to make my father happy, it’s safe to say he didn’t want me to stain his name. Parker would be a better son for him. Inviting him every other day to the compound. Not even I get as much attention from him. Whenever I ask to spend time with him, he would be busy or be spending time with Peter. Even papers to be signed are signed by Pepper and not him even though I handed it to him. It’s as if he doesn’t want me to have anything to do with him.

If that’s what he wants, I’ll give it to him.

I have been doing my research on what’s needed for a legal name change when Nat suddenly came into my room. I quickly change tabs on my laptop to prevent her from seeing anything.

“I just wanted to check on you. How have you been feeling?” She patted my head and asked.

“It’s fine, I just feel- there are a lot of things to do. COVID you know.”

After she left, I went back to research. Changing name is the easy part, the harder part is changing all other documents such as names registered in school, insurance (if any) and birth certificate.

I guess I’ll also have to choose what I want my last name to be.

After collecting relevant documents and sending them to the authorities all I have to do is wait for their reply. But I was too careless, I thought they would email me their reply but they sent a letter! A government letter sent to the compound with my name on it. Of course they are going to call a meeting!

“Would you care to explain what this is?” Tony Stark tossed the letter at my face.

“Tony!” Nat stood up for me.

“You stay out of this Romanoff. This is family business.”

“According to this I’m not your family anymore.” I finished glancing through the letter. “Since you don’t want me around. I’ll leave. You’re free to adopt Peter if you want.” I walked closer to him.

“Don’t bring him into this.”

“Why not? You seem to enjoy his presence a lot.” I announced. “This is the longest conversation we’ve had. And it had to be this. You never spared me a glance so why bother now?” I shouted the last part.

Tony remained silent. “Nothing to say? I guess I’m right, you don’t love me. You never did.” I walked towards the door. “I wish you good luck in your future endeavours.” I said softly with my back facing him. I rushed back to my room and packed my stuff to get away from here. Taking clothes from my closet and putting them into my suitcase.

I don’t care where I go, as long as I get away from here. Steve, Nat and Clint have been trying to persuade me from packing but I just couldn’t live in the same space as him anymore.

“Where are you going to go?” Nat asked. She looked at me walking around the room.

“As long as I am out of here. I don’t care.” I continue packing the last of my stuff. There wasn’t much since it didn’t feel like home anyway.

“You can’t be living on the streets.” Steve said.

“Why not? I’m not a Stark anymore.” I zipped up my suitcase, getting ready to leave.

“You can stay with me.” Clint suggested.

“I can’t do that.” Clint has his own family to take care of.

“Just go with him. For the peace in our minds.” Nat pleaded.

I took a deep breath. “Fine, only for you guys.” “But please don’t tell him.”

#mcu #marvel mcu #mcu fanfiction #tony stark #clint barton #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha x y/n #Last Name #my writing

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doodle-pops · 4 months

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Hi Mina! I am new to tumblr and I was wondering, how did you put links in the about section of your blog? I want to do something similar as well with my blog but I am unable to do so. I would love it if you could help me.

Sure, sure! Let’s start. If you need any more help, reach out again :)

You'll need to use a web browser for this and NOT the app to get started. Whether you are on a tablet/PC/laptop/mobile, log into your Tumblr account through any web browser. Once you do, you’ll come to your Tumblr page looking like the image below:

2. Once you’ve accessed your blog, open Blog Settings (highlighted in the above image) in a new tab. For mobile users, click on the drop-down arrow on accounts, then select the drop-down arrow beside the account you wish to edit and open Blog Settings in a separate tab. Your page across all devices will appear like the first image below. Once it does, ensure that your Custom Theme is enabled and select Edit Theme. You should come to a page like the second image below.

3. Once you’re there, your main focus should be on the white box that’s called Description. There, you’re going to add all your links and any text you wish to include in your Description/Bio. Certain HTML codes must be included in your description for your links to be added, don’t worry, I’ll provide the codes and you can copy and paste them. If you’re able to zoom into the image, you’ll be able to see how my description was written.

Code for a break between lines: <br> (this is the code to skip lines in your Description as using the Enter key is not accepted)

Code for inserting links: <a href=“Insert your copied link here”>Insert Title of Link</a>

Note that as you are entering your text into the Description box, your words will begin to appear in the Description/Bio on the right-hand side of the screen (highlighted). It’s to show how your text and links will appear to you and others. Consider it your guide.

4. Once you are finished entering all your links and text in your Description, select Save (the blue button), but do not exit the page yet, keep it open. Return to the tab that’s opened to your blog, and click on your profile icon to open your blog in the Tumblr view version where your Description/Bio has been updated.

Do a test run to ensure that the links are correctly working and opening up to the right post/blog, etc. Once they are working, you can return to the previous tab, select Exit and then close off your tab.

Congratulations, you have successfully added links to your Description/Bio!!

Extra Pointers:

As you are on the Edit Theme page, you can also use Fancy Fonts, as seen in my Description, to add fancy text that Tumblr does not provide (optional).

Editing the colour of the text can be done on that page as you are there.

Please, once you have inserted links into your Description, you can only edit them on that page. You cannot edit your Description/Bio through the use of Edit Appearance (the paint palette icon used to change your background and pfp) otherwise it will be messed up.

#tutorial #blog tutorial #notes ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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fellforlou · 1 year

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Last year I started reading fics again. This list will get better/longer as I continue to read more. This was updated with everything i’ve read up until 10/10/22. If you decide to read any of these make sure to read the tags. I don’t want anybody to get uncomfortable.You guys can also send in request as well if you would like :)-Emma

🖤Be Mine, For Always by zams Word Count:1K Summary: Louis is happy when Harry is happy. That's what Louis wants, and so when Louis starts feeling weird when Harry cuddles with Liam, Zayn, or Niall instead of him, he keeps quiet. But the burning, uncomfortable feeling Louis gets deep in his stomach when he sees Harry contentedly nuzzling Liam's neck, or Harry's arms and legs tangled around Niall like an octopus, or Harry's face smushed in Zayn's stomach as Zayn plays with his hair only gets worse as the days go by.

🖤All My Favorite Conversations by goldglitter075 Word Count: 2K Summary: An incredibly self indulgent fic featuring way too many pet names, an adorable lesbian couple, and Louis Tomlinson being terrible at ice-skating

🖤You Are Everything by caffineaddict Word Count: 2K Summary: Louis is in love with his best friend/flat mate Harry, lately the pain of knowing he’d never return Louis’ feelings has become unbearable. He doesn’t know how to handle this so he does what he does best - write. He had every intention of deleting the musings when he was done…that is until he gets an alarming phone call that makes him forget to close the tab or delete it. Harry was aware something was wrong with Louis for the past couple days but had no idea what it was and anytime he would ask the older boy would just brush him off and change the subject. Walking into Louis’ room to borrow his laptop, Harry leaves with way more knowledge than he was ever supposed to know.

🖤You Should Be Here With Me by dimpled_halo Word Count: 3K Summary: Louis is home for the holidays and doesn’t expect his mum to invite his ex and his family over for Christmas. All the feelings he’s had bottled up since breaking up with Harry before going to uni come back in full force.

🖤Send Me Your Pillow by flowercrownfemme Word Count: 3K Summary: Harry is embarrassed to realize he’s nesting but can’t stop stealing Louis’ things for his nest.

🖤May Your Every Wish Come True by sweetrevenge Word Count: 4K Summary: Harry and Louis reconnect during the Holidays, it’s kind of fate.

🖤Every Time We Touch by wabadabadaba Word Count: 5K Summary: Louis laughed when he heard the term professional cuddler for the first time. His doctor let Louis laugh and then explained the purpose behind the profession and how it could help Louis. It took a few weeks but Louis finally scheduled an appointment, now all he had to do was leave his car and walk into the house. or the one where Louis is suffering from touch deprivation so he goes to see Harry who is a professional cuddler.

🖤Hello Darling by zanni_scaramouche Word Count: 5K Summary: As CEO, Mr. Tomlinson is used to spending more nights curled on his office coach than his bed, but this time it isn’t an impending merger or new client deal keeping him hibernated on the fortieth floor this Christmas Eve. A city wide blizzard warning, a power outage, and a dismal lack of tea leaves him hours away from what he expects to be one of the more pathetic Christmas mornings of his life. That is, until the new bright eyed intern scares the living crap out of him.

🖤I See Your Stars Begin To Shine by sweetkisses Word Count: 5K Summary: Harry is an alpha that is in love with his very oblivious omega friend, Louis.

🖤Naturally by Neondiamond Word Count: 5K Summary: When PE teacher Louis first gets assigned to be a chaperone on a weekend long camping trip with a bunch of high school seniors, he’s not too excited about it. That changes when he finds out his fellow Music teacher Harry, who Louis happens to have a massive crush on, is also coming

🖤And I’m Putting My Heart Out On Display by localopa Word Count: 6K Summary: Harry gets cheated on & so does Louis. They find comfort in each other.

🖤All I Do the Whole Day Through by lululawrence Word Count: 6K Summary: Louis reached up and grabbed the ridiculously thick jumper that had the planets all over it and slammed the wardrobe doors shut. It was only as he turned around that he realized why Harry’s bedroom door had been shut. There was a nest on Harry’s bed. But why was Harry using Louis’ clothes and items that probably smelled like him in his nest?

🖤Something Blue & Someone New by littleroverlouis Word Count: 6K Summary: Single Alpha Louis moves into a new apartment building and doesn’t realize he misses courting someone until meeting his next door neighbor, a charming Omega named Harry. Louis is working up the nerve to officially ask him to court, but what if Harry secretly beats him to the punch?

🖤Wasting My Time by prettylouis Word Count: 7K Summary: Harry is in love with Louis. He can’t do anything about it, until he can. Louis is in love with Harry. He doesn’t have a chance, until he does.

🖤Kisses Like Snowflakes by stylesthebrave Word Count: 7K Summary: Harry is stranded in the snow and Louis is there to help.

🖤Just A Touch Of Your Love by thegirlontheblackhoodie Word Count: 12K Summary: Harry is a touch starved omega trying to get through it on his own. Louis happens to be the only alpha around to realize it and offers to help.

🖤Love Is A War That Two Must Fight by cathyelisabeth1 Word Count: 12K Summary: The one where Louis starts getting ‘creepy’ notes on his desk and is forced to hang out with Harry Styles because Niall insists he is lovely. Louis disagrees.

🖤Love Mends the Pain by justalarryblog Word Count: 12K Summary: Marcel Twist, better known as Harry Styles, is a well-known model around the world. One day, he was invited to take part in a photoshoot for the new Olympic uniforms for the British athletes. What he didn’t expect was for Louis, his ex would reappear in his life, bringing back memories and feelings that Marcel wished he’d forgotten.

🖤Baby, You’re The End Of June by disgruntledkittenface Word Count: 13K Summary: In which Harry courts Louis. Entirely by accident.

🖤 Breathe Me In, Breathe Me Out by lunarheslwt Word Count:14K Summary: Louis is drawn into a quaint candle shop in his desire to find ways to soothe himself while struggling with touch depri. It takes him two more run-ins and with the lovely alpha sales assistant, and a drop, to figure out the source of the scent that imprints upon him and calms his omega. Idiots to lovers

🖤Kiss From A Rose by lovelarry10 Word Count: 15K Summary: Harry is the quiet one in the office no one ever notices. Until Louis does, that is. When notes start appearing on Harry’s desk, he ponders who is behind the kind words, oblivious to Louis’ attempts to get his attention.

🖤Don’t Be Scared Pretty Kitty by ttomlinstyles Word Count: 15K Summary: Louis was born a hybrid and was adopted by a man who was terrible. The man dies and Louis is taken away to a foster home full of kids who bully him, he’s 16 and is very scared and doesn’t eat and never speaks out to people. He was then sent to another foster home with no children. That’s where Harry comes and takes him home.

🖤Your Touch Is The Only Thing I Feel by 2tiedships2 Word Count: 15K Summary: The one where Louis refuses to settle for just any alpha despite intense touch deprivation. Fortunately Harry isn’t just any alpha.

🖤Flowers Don’t Tell (They Show) by loulicate Word Count: 16K Summary: Harry is a lawyer, Louis owns a flower shop. Harry goes into his shop to buy his mom flowers and falls in love with the cute florist boy.

🖤Everywhere & Nowhere by 2tiedships2 Word Count: 16K Summary: Niall took a seat and said, “Apparently Louis’ downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food.” “What has he given you?” Liam asked. Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. “There was a rabbit’s foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can’t prove it’s from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though.” “Wow,” Liam said, looking deep in thought. “That’s old school.” “What’s old school?“ Niall asked. “Giving creepy gifts?” "I’ve never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he’s courting you.” Louis couldn’t contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He’s courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they’d do in the 1800s or something?”

🖤Harry You’re No Good Alone by lucy_in_the_sky Word Count: 16K Summary: Harry struggles with insomnia and loneliness, almost turning to cuddle therapy when his best friend Louis reaches out to lend helping hand.

🖤 Last First Kiss by xxolve Word Count: 17K Summary: Where Harry goes in to take his SATs expecting a disaster, but instead meets someone he'll never forget.

🖤 Hike Up Your Skirt & Show Your World To Me by anonymous Word Count: 17K Summary: Louis has a very hands on approach to training his new secretary. How else can he make sure Harry realizes his pull potential.

🖤Outshining The Stars by thelarenttrap Word Count: 18K Summary: Louis is RV camping with his retired grandparents and avoiding life. Meanwhile, a boy with tiny yellow shorts and tattoos works at the campground’s marina.

🖤Frost Covers All by ihavetoomuchfreetime Word Count: 19K Summary: An AU where Harry and Louis are pretend boyfriends with pretend feelings, but then it’s not pretend anymore, feelings ensue. Or a friends-to-lovers/fake relationship when harry needs a boyfriend for a family thing, and louis obliges.

🖤A Springtime’s Wilt, An Autumn’s Bloom by snowcaplou Word Count: 20K Summary: Harry is Louis’ personal chauffeur, and although he hides his feelings for his boss behind a wall of rigid professionalism, Louis still manages to squeeze through the cracks.

🖤Pleasing Inc,. by maury_456321 Word Count: 25K Summary: Louis starts working for CEO Harry, secret nesting and thievery ensues.

🖤 Heart of Sugar, Sweet Temptation of Mine by pjinkfleur Word Count: 25K Summary: The process of courting is seriously outdated nowadays, it's not common anymore; people don’t want to go through the hassle of a proper courtship, dating is easier. Louis though, he was raised in a very traditional family, every member, down to his parents, had a courting and a mating ceremony. He grew up hearing stories about how wonderful it is, how much deeper the connection gets between a courting pair can get, and he's wanted that for himself since he was a pup, always dreaming of his alpha showing up and sweeping him off of his feet. His dreams seem to be coming true when he moves into a new building, closer to where he works, and the older alpha living in the flat in front of his own, initiates the courtship process. Everything he's ever wanted is within reach. Or is it?

🖤I’m Gonna Keep This Love, If You Let Me by pixies Word Count: 26K Summary: Louis makes Harry pretend to be his boyfriend one night out. The rest is history.

🖤Runaway Darling by solvetheminourdreams Word Count: 26K Summary: An au where Louis hates weddings, Harry loves them, and together they help a bride skip hers.

🖤I Knew You Were Waiting For Me by lovelarry10 Word Count: 26k Summary: Harry has been hearing his soulmates voice for years now, and he’s just desperate to meet the person he knows he’s meant to be with. Louis has come to think that he’s destined to never meet his soulmate. A chance camping holiday with their best friends just might end in all of their dreams coming true.

🖤Never Been A Fan Of Change by fearsparks Word Count: 27K Summary: Harry and Louis have relied on each other for over two years now, always turning to each other every time they need anything from touch to pheromones. But after Harry’s omega unexpectedly causes him to drop in the pub, their relationship is no longer the same.

🖤This Shifting Ground by zarah5 Word Count: 28K Summary: University AU. In which Louis, law student, is the cheeky waiter to Harry’s dates. This is how it starts.

🖤 Autumn Leaves Shower Like Rainbows by ioudloudlove Word Count: 29K Summary: Harry is an anonymous blogger, filling page after page about his unrequited love for a customer at the coffee shop he works in. Louis is an up and coming musician and the object of Harry's affections. They swap pleasantries but nothing more. Until one day Louis comes into the café, soaking wet and seeking solace. When Harry hears the lyrics, he realises that Louis has been reading his blog the entire time without knowing it's all about him.

🖤Don’t Know It’s Lost Til You Find It by ohpleaselarry Word Count: 30K Summary: Maybe it’ll be better this way. Maybe Louis just needs to distance himself, get over his crush so Harry doesn’t have to worry about his obsessive friend who feels too much and says too little. He wonders what this girl is like. What she looks like, what conversations they had to make Harry fall for her in three days. If maybe she’s just stellar in bed. If she smells like heaven or if it’s just the fact she’s a girl. He wonders and wonders, resists the temptation to stare at the alpha, and gets exactly no work done.

🖤Wanna Be Somebody (To Someone) by starryharry Word Count: 30K Summary: Harry tells Niall he’s seeing someone. (He’s not). The lie leads Harry to Louis, and an honest confession drives them into a one-month relationship that changes everything.

🖤 Dream About A Summer Night by fearsparks Word Count: 33K Summary: Working alongside each other as camp counsellors, Harry and Louis grow closer than they’ve ever been before. That’s not a problem, but now they have these newfound feelings for each other to deal with.

🖤Something About Liminal Spaces by kingsofeverything Word Count: 34K Summary: Searching for inspiration for his latest book, and hoping distance will help heal his broken heart, Louis Tomlinson heads to the village of Piha on the west coast of New Zealand’s north island. There he meets Harry Styles. Fifteen years older than Harry, Louis tries to keep his distance, but Harry is impossible to avoid and harder to ignore.

🖤Someone To Fly Home To by kingsofeverything Word Count: 34K Summary: Louis is a 55 year old pilot who wants someone to fly home to. Harry swipes right. Louis and Harry’s marriage ended more than a decade ago, but fate keeps bringing them back together.

🖤Now You’re In My Life by we_are_the_same Word Count: 34K Summary: Harry loves romance. In theory, anyway. He loves the romantic movies, the careful brush of fingers against the back of a neck, the hand holding and the endless gazes. He loves the possibilities, the tension and the wonder. He loves the idea of falling in love, finding someone to come home to. In reality, it’s a little different. Because as much as Harry loves the concept of dating, the reality sucks.

🖤 Something As Simple As This by frenchkiss Word Count: 34K Summary: Trapped in a cabin in the middle of nowhere after a blizzard derails Louis from getting home, he and the attractive stranger who owns the place have nothing to do but... well, each other. It would be a real shame if feelings got in the way, and even more of a shame if a secret about this stranger's identity turned both their lives upside down and inside out.

🖤We Both Got Nothing to Hide by lovelarry10 Word Count: 43K Summary: Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

🖤Sand In My Shoes, Head Over Feet by awriterwrites Word Count: 44K Summary: The last thing Louis wants to do is babysit a bunch of kids this summer. Especially not for three weeks at his family’s summer home. No, he’d rather stay home and wallow in self-pity. He definitely doesn’t want to sleep under the same roof as his sister’s friend, who happens to be a spectacle of a boy: wide eyed, curly haired, long legged and virtual sex on legs.

🖤The Boys Of Summer by afirethatcannotdie Word Count: 45K Summary: In which Louis is a reluctant sports coach, Harry’s a fellow counselor who wears tiny yellow shorts, and camp rules say they’re forbidden to date.

🖤Your Touch Shouldn’t Make Me Feel Like This by thinlines Word Count: 48K Summary: Uni AU in which Alpha Harry has been in love with his omega friend for the longest time and one motorbike trip to the countryside with Louis made him realize that he could no longer hold back his feelings.

🖤The Recklessness In Water by larryon Word Count: 50K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He’s stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren’t bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

🖤Maybe You’ll Like the Way I Am by lululawrence Word Count: 55K Summary: When Louis’ alpha neighbor asks him to pretend to be his omega for a week, Louis immediately says no. He has too much he’s dealing with on his own, and he swore to himself he’d never get that close to an alpha again. Unable to hold to that resolve once guilt sets in, Louis finds that maybe fumbling his way through a fake relationship for a week was exactly what he needed to finally be able to move on.

🖤Suicidal Chemistry by sullenlarry Word Count: 58K Summary: As long as he can remember, Harry has always been sure of one thing: he’s in love with his oblivious best-friend, Louis. There’s just one minor problem….Louis has depression. Harry works at a bakery, but he’s really made a full time job out of trying to save Louis from himself. What happens when a quack named Dr. Horan tells him to take Louis on a vacation? Individual feelings will be explored…but can Louis love him back or is the will to live too far gone?

🖤The Nightingale by thebluejay1 Word Count: 66K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is a daily customer at the local bakery. His life changes when he meets Harry Styles, the boy behind the register. But when Harry finds out about Louis’ abusive boyfriend, he does everything in his power to protect him. Through it all, they become closer. Will Louis choose fear over true love?

🖤Just A Flower Boy by larryruinedme Word Count: 70K Summary: Harry Styles is a clumsy, flower crown-wearing, openly gay junior with only two true friends, Niall and Zayn. Louis Tomlinson is the school’s attractive, straight football captain, with a small body and a big personality. As fate will have it, Harry has a huge, unrequited, utterly hopeless crush on Louis. Fate is thrown out the window the day that Harry and Louis find themselves partnered up for a history project. Harry starts to receive notes from a secret admirer, Louis starts to get jealous of Harry’s budding friendship with senior Nick Grimshaw, Zayn and Liam develop a thing for each other, and Niall is the best mate anyone could have asked for. And suddenly, Harry’s crush on Louis doesn’t seem so utterly hopeless anymore.

🖤Lost & Found In Oblivion by thinlines Word Count: 74K Summary: Omega Louis decided to hire an alpha for his heat to ease his touch deprivation, but little did he know everything would grow into so much more.

🖤 Hate Me To The Moon by harrystylesandstuff Word Count: 83K Summary: Harry is a sexy nerd, Louis is a great actor, and they both pretend to hate each other's guts to convince themselves they're not feeling things future step-brothers shouldn't feel.

🖤Like An Endless Summer by objectlesson Word Count: 87K Summary: Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’ formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

🖤Have Love, Will Travel by kingsofeverything Word Count: 97K Summary: Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there’s something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.

🖤Loved You First bysnowy38 Word Count: 100K Summary: Harry has lived his life ruled by anxiety, bullied by overbearing work-mates and ridiculed for his geeky look. When a new boss starts Harry can barely look him in the eye but Louis appears to be on his side. Soon Harry develops feelings for the protective and supportive Louis but Louis tries to fight it at first. There’s rumours about Louis at his last work place and his penchant for his secretaries so Harry has a right to feel insecure. Harry slowly lets his curls break free as Louis thaws him and they embark on a new beginning together.

🖤Give Me Truths by iwillpaintasongforlou Word Count: 110K Summary: Louis is a psychology student with a tattoo count as high as his genius IQ. Harry is in a (sort-of) relationship with a homophobic man and hates himself a little more every day. Things fall apart and Louis puts him back together. Or, the one in which Louis falls in love with a fragile boy and tells him every beautiful truth in the world, as long as it makes him happy

🖤Tired Tired Sea by mediawhore Word Count: 113K Summary: As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

🖤Mute by troubledpro Word Count: 122K Summary: How is love supposed to speak, when one can’t even choke out the words? Louis’ life was a joke through his witty words. Harry’s life was a joke through his lack of words. Louis was classed as a normal child; mentally and physically. Harry was classed as an abnormal child; mentally and physically. Louis could speak. Harry could not. Harry had progressive mutism. Louis did not.

🖤Unbelievers by isthatyoularry Word Count: 136K Summary: It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

🖤Lights Will Guide You Home by orphan_account Word Count: 137K Summary: Louis Tomlinson is his school’s resident bad boy and easily the most liked person there. He’s loud and confident and popular. He spends most of his time abusing his parent’s money or partying or playing football. He also spends a good deal of it obsessing over the quiet curly boy in his English class, but no one really needs to know that. Harry Styles is more or less invisible at the same school (unless he’s being harassed). He’s shy and painfully insecure and quiet. He spends most of his time crying on his bedroom floor with a razor pressed against his skin or trying (and failing) to think of reasons to stay alive. So, of course, it’s inevitable that they fall for each other.

🖤Walk That Mile by purpledaisy Word Count: 149K Summary: A Route 66 AU where falling in love was never part of the plan.

🖤Love Is A Word You Gave It A Name by cuckootrooke Word Count: 158K Summary: After two decades in brutal show business, Louis Tomlinson is trying to restore his tranquility of mind in the peace of Northern Europe where the sun barely sets, Maria’s bar is always open, and young Harry has an irresistible spark in his eyes.

🖤The Longer The Wait The Sweeter The Kiss by pleasinglouisWord Count: 160K Summary: It all started with a letter from his grandmother’s Executor of the Estate. His life had been just fine in New York, he’d had a great internship, more friends than he knew what to do with, and a powerful family name to provide a million opportunities for him. But the minute he’d received that letter a desire for more was born. That was how he wound up here, stranded on the side of a dusty old road with a broken down car and a carry-on full of dreams.

🖤Fading by tothemoonmydear Word Count: 202K Summary: Louis knows about beauty; the combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses. He creates that combination every day in the garments he designs while studying fashion at uni. The cut of the design, the color of the fabric, the intricacy of the stitching; it all comes together to create something beautiful. When the science student with the long legs and dimpled smile agrees to model for him, Louis decides he’s found beauty personified. Harry just thinks Louis needs someone to show him how beautiful he is.

🖤Shake Me Down by agreatperhaps12 Word Count: 208K Summary: Harry’s new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.

🖤Of Mates & Men by bananaheathen Word Count: 630K Summary: In which, Louis and Harry meet as best men for their best friends’ wedding… well… sort of. Or, the one where Harry’s just moved back from New York and Louis doesn’t believe in romance. Or, I guess… the one where Zayn and Liam are getting married.

#ficrecs #larry

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