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#i'll try to be better
kevin-sedai · 5 months
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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage
#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it#tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5#i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing#spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time#spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation#got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old#which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid#but that made me feel really shitty#spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus#and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses#which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here#but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl#they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read#i'm so sorry everyone#i'll try to be better#i just had to put this out somewhere#and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it#anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow#i'm sorry guys#i really am😔
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painful-pooch · 2 years
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You take all the time you need, whumptober always is and always will be about having fun in the whump community. Your mental health should always come first, there is no shame in taking care of yourself and I'm proud of you for finding your limit and stepping back. I am drinking a cup of tea to your good health and happiness, take care and know that we care infinitely more about your mental health than we do about whumptober. Happy Spookey Season, take care
Thank you, kind anon. I can only presume I know who this came from due to the clues, but if I am wrong, I thank you kindly for those sweet words. Mental health has been kind of struggling at this point in time and this is hopefully gonna help me tremendously <3
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🧁
thanks for the cupcake, really haven't been doing too well recently and just got news that my favorite content creator and someone I really looked up to died last night. So it's nice to just get a little something.
sorry to dump, I'mma try and get back to posting regularly soon.
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baejl · 2 years
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hi everyone! my notebook charger broke and I'll only be able to buy a new one on my pay day.
I had some posts ready that just needed some correction. I'll be posting some drabbles because I promised I'd be back and just ghosted once again.
thank you in advance.
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blackmaylovesfries · 2 years
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“You will make me fall” - Part 2
Asked: Yes
Words: 2000
Sinopse: 2000 Followers Special - After fighting for so long, the angel is gone now. Leo should be happy but why does he feel so flustered and annoyed? - Inspired by the Hyde Era.
Notices: Given to me by @moonstrays a long time ago (sorry it took so long!). Also, it will have 3 parts since it seemed you guys liked this plot. The last part will be released as 2500 followers’ special. Ah, and I went for the Christian hierarchy of angels, just because “seraphim” is a great name for an angel class, not meaning to offend anybody!
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“Leo seems to be fighting again, brother.” The Archangel told the Seraphim that was seated on a golden chair. The two angels of different ranks were watching the demon realm. After a lifetime of a peaceful existence, the demon Taekwoon suddenly went berserk. It won’t be a week if Leo didn’t find something to destroy during the whole century.
The Seraphim sighed. Humans would just think there was some bad energy around their Era, ordinary angels would say Leo was crazy and something should be done about him. But not that Seraphim… No… That male angel knew why Leo had gotten violent during that time… And he could only sigh everytime that demon showed up in his magic waters.
“I don’t want to overstep, brother Leeteuk… But…”
“Say it, Suho. You couldn’t possibly give me a bad idea at the moment.” Jungsu was really tired… All of this because Yesung was afraid of Y/n getting too close to that demon… They should just let their spoiled sister do whatever she wants, as always. The younger angel nodded.
“Hm… How about talking to Leo? He already gave us a lot of face waiting for two centuries before asking about her… And he said at the beginning that he just wanted information, not to fight us…” The Archangel gave a pause. “Also, the demon didn’t really offend us, he kept all his rage on the demon realm.”
“You’re right, Suho.” Jungsu rubbed his temples. “Call brother Shindong. I want him to go.” The Archangel nodded again, quickly leaving the powerful one and going to look for the other Seraphim.
---
Why? Why was that feeling never going away? Leo could feel the madness bubbling inside of him, he could feel the rage his kind had long fed against the angel race, he could feel the sense of loss that appeared every time he thought about her… But why? Leo really couldn’t understand the reason why he was feeling all of that.
After the night the angel had come to say her goodbyes, Leo didn’t feel anything. He had a bad premonition right after she left but it soon was crushed by the thought she was probably just being a drama queen to get his attention. So, Leo soon forgot about it. But then a month passed… A single month was nothing for eternal beings but… The angel used to go to his mansion every day…
Then, a year passed. Leo still was happy that his relaxed life was back. Then 25 years went… Even the other 5 great demons noticed that Leo wasn’t receiving the usual angelic visit. By the time it hit 50 years without the angel, Leo finally noticed that something was wrong. He started to notice that there was no more laughing around him, no more jokes between the servants, no more surprise visits from N or Ravi…
“What do you mean ‘why won't you go there anymore’? Last time I did, you shouted Y/n’s name and told ‘me’ that it was useless to try to catch your attention disappearing… And after you saw it was me you literally freaked out and beated me up in anger. You went full demon lord on me, I won’t go to your house until Y/n is back.” Ravi pouted when Leo asked him his motive after almost 70 years the angel left.
When the first century without you arrived, Leo suddenly noticed something really wrong with him. He looked around and discovered he was in the middle of punishing a slave… When he thought about the reason… It seemed that the slave had brought to his afternoon tea a human cake… The first recipe Y/n had teached to his servants… That triggered an unstoppable rage inside him.
That event made Leo isolate himself. He went through every single memory he had from that period of time since the crazy and innocent angel left. Finally he was able to realise that, as the decades went by, his episodes of blacking out and becoming a complete rage demon were getting more and more common…
When Leo came back from the isolation, it was already 150 years since the angel was gone. The demon had in mind that maybe the female had done something to him that made him lose control without her. Then, he went around the demon territory, trying to hear some news about her. Normally when angels like Y/n went on missions it was about demons getting out of control in other worlds.
But it had no results… Not even Hyuk’s connections could tell him anything about that exact angel. That made Leo even more uneasy… Finally, after 200 years, he decided to use his good relationship with the Seraphim family to reach out for them and ask about her. But who would know that as soon as the family heard about his questions, he would be thrown out of that world directly to the demon plane?
They didn’t even tell him anything about Y/n, just saying something like ‘She’s fine and away from you’ before forcing him back. That event made Leo lose most of his slim trust on angels and he started to use force to get their attention again. Since he couldn’t talk, he would cause trouble until they were willing.
---
“Brother!” Yesung and Eunhyuk entered the big room with determined pace and loud voices. Leeteuk sighed and rubbed his forehead. He knew that as soon as they heard about his decision the duo would come after him.
“You can go, Suho. Please, tell brother Shindong what we talked about before he goes.” The oldest gave a hand sign for the youngest, who soon fled from the room, leaving the three Seraphim for themselves. “Now” Leeteuk turned to the younger duo “what do you guys want, not showing the minimum respect? I’m working, for Heavens’ sake!”
“Brother! I’m sorry but how can you send brother Shindong to talk with that demon?!” Yesung got closer to Leeteuk’s table and gave him a light bow before starting to complain.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, whatever. If it wasn’t important, I would be far away from this room but how can you indulge the demands of that demon that was misleading our little sister and making her want to fall?” Eunhyuk wasn’t so polite and straight up banged his hands on Leeteuk’s table.
“How come you two are always fighting but when it comes to Y/n both of you are like super protective human parents? Isn’t she already grounded there with the dream devils to defeat? Why can’t I give some answers to the poor soul?” The more powerful Seraphim didn’t have patience to deal with the temperamental brothers that day.
“What do you mean ‘grounded’? She can leave whenever she wants!”
“Yeah! She can leave, as long as she decides to forget about that silly and irresponsible crush she thinks she has with that creature.” The oldest angel couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes for the other two. They had the mentality of most warrior class angels. They never forgot their hatred for the demon kind nor could understand why their little sister would like a demon lord.
“You two need to calm down.” Leeteuk as an administrator class angel didn’t have so much hate. He didn’t see the problem in an interspecies relationship and he didn’t mind having to travel to see his fallen sister if it was really what she wanted. At least she would still be master of her own destiny, not like those angels that fell in disgrace and dishonor.
“You think falling for a demon would make her happy?” The duo were judgemental.
“No, I think falling for love would. And that’s why I’m sending Shindong there. If the demon truly feels something for her, then we all will stop interfering. But, if it’s just a fling for him, a whim, I’ll destroy any chance for Y/n to continue with that insane idea.” The leader’s voice was firm and serious, making even the unruled Eunhyuk to shut up.
---
“M-Master…” The old slave butler called for Leo’s attention with a tiny voice so it wouldn’t startle the demon. Leo only made a hand gesture to allow the slave to talk. “Hm… Se-Seraphim Shindong is here… He said that you wanted to talk to him, sir… Should I let him in?” The poor stupid soul was trembleling. It knew that the angel at their doorstep was Lady Y/n’s brother.
“Guide him here, to my study.” Leo’s order was succinct and final. But it didn’t carry all the emotions the demon was feeling. When the angel entered the room and the butler closed the door, Leo greeted him with sarcasm and a diabolic smile, as a demon should. “So, you finally decided to talk with me, Seraphim?”
“Let’s cut the chase, Leo… We both know that the less time I stay here, the better.” The angel sat at the chair in front of the demon. “I’m here to answer your question about Y/n… But first, before I tell you everything I know, I need you to be just as honest with me.” Shindong was the best at negotiations, that’s why Leeteuk sended him. Leo knew that and was ready to agree with him.
“What do you want? I’ll answer one question only.” Leo wasn’t dumb, he knew the angels wouldn’t ever do anything free. Especially for a demon like lord him.
“Why? It doesn’t matter how I look at it, you hated Y/n coming everyday to annoy you. So, why? Why do you want to know about her?” The golden angelic eyes were glued at Taekwoon. “I thought you would thank my brothers for taking her from your side?”
“...” Leo hesitated to answer right away. After some minutes of thinking, the demon opened his mouth. “I… I think I got used to her presence here… I don’t really, honestly, know the answer to your question, Seraphim… I just know that I need to see her, I need to hear her voice, I need to be annoyed by her… That’s all I know.” His matter of fact tone left Shindong speechless.
“Well… I couldn’t ask for more honesty, I guess…” The angel shook his head after studying the demon’s expression for some silent minutes. “As promised, Y/n is in a dream dimension. She was forced to go there to fight against dream demons who were attacking humans without restraints.”
“Forced, you say?” Leo lifted a brow and Shondong noded.
“Yes, to be far away from you, her stupid brothers decided to lock her up in the dimension, she can only get out if the being that put her there let her leave or if she, as an angel, falls. As for her physical body, it’s resting perfectly safe in her room at our mansion.” The angel shrugged.
“So… when she can get out of there? I’m aware that the dream demons have been well behaved since last century.” That made Shindong let out a hopeless laugh.
“Eunhyuk gave her the condition of forgetting about you to bring her back.”
“So, she’s there until now because…” Leo felt his throat somehow closing. The angel didn’t answer him but became serious instead. Leo watched the Seraphim curve his body closer to his and say in a sober tone.
“Tell me, oh great demon lord Leo, if Y/n ever chooses to fall, would you accept her here? Or would you leave her to her own devices and regrets?” The demon was frozen by that question. He couldn’t even understand the words he let out as a reply.
“I wouldn’t let her regret it.” Both his and the angel’s eyes were big in surprise. None of them were expecting that but at the same time, Shindong was really satisfied with Leo’s words.
“Oh? Good to know that” A female voice came from the door, giving Shindong and Leo goosebumps. “Because I kinda did something…”
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raziraphale · 2 years
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I know it's definitely not related but I find it very funny that I changed my icon, refreshed tumblr, and watched my follow count dip. Cancel culture at its finest lmao /s
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hansoeii · 1 month
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crowley
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tchotchkez · 4 months
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well fuck me I guess right?
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communistcephalopod · 9 months
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hypothesis: vampires are magically vulnerable to light originating from the sun
observation: moonlight has no effect on vampires, despite being a reflection of the sun
conclusion: this aversion is not a result of light or its origin, but some property of sunlight only present in direct contact
hypothesis: vampires are extremely sensitive to uv radiation
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allysketches · 2 months
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"I loathe him. And, despite myself, I respect a worthy opponent...Which he isn't because he's a demon and I cannot respect a demon. Or like one."
decided to draw a small part of the bookshop opening deleted scene bc not one day goes by where I don't think about it 🥺 we lost so bad by not getting this one 😭😭 especially bc it contrasts the season 2 finale so well… I could write entire dissertations about it 🤧
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dudedidujust · 1 month
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Au where Damian comes to Gotham with the goal of infiltrating and eventually overthrowing Batman instead of inheriting the mantle. Not much changes from canon except for the fact that he views everything that batman owns as his. That's his future cave and his future batmobile. This also includes his robins. After all everyone knows Batman wouldn't really be Batman without them.
Cue a very bewildered Tim being lectured on his eating habits by a righteous Damian who won't let one of his people take shortcuts with their health.
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spookberry · 4 months
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Idiot to Idiot communication
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sheerakk · 7 months
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shevr · 10 months
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workout mix
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kanejbr3kker · 17 days
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my theory for soc 3 is that it's gonna open with a zoyalai wedding, and the crows are just there cause nikolai likes them, and then someone fucks up and then the plot actually starts.
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buglaur · 5 months
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for a girl whose never built anything from scratch before i'd call this a triumph
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