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zionmantis · 1 year

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I would love to hear about how the DE speaks to your experiences with psychosis!

DE seems to be an attempt to represent thinking through game/story mechanics, and I really appreciate that it doesn’t seem to just represent “normal” thought but also neurodivergent or dysfunctional thoughts. Made me feel seen, so I’d love to hear how it made you feel, if it’s something you’d want to share!

Ah, thanks for the ask! I hope my tags on your post didn't seem rude; reading back I was so worried they did <3 You made an absolutely wonderful post; I wouldn't have reblogged it if I didn't love it. I'm ADHD too, and it's so great to see a character we can relate with and to see how positive reinforcement from a person like Kim can really make a difference.

Excuse me while I ramble a bit! This is stuff I want to post about all the time but I worry people will hate it, so questions like this really make me happy because it gives me an excuse x)

One of the reasons I adore this game more than any other is that it's both breathtakingly sad as well as absolutely hysterical, and humor is how I've started approached my issues of mental illness in the past. Now, that way is not for everyone; some people don't want any sort of laughter at it, and that's completely valid and makes perfect sense, but humor is just how I've been able to adjust to memories of really bad times in my life without completely hating myself. For me, the game does a really good job of making a hard subject funny without making it seem like we're laughing AT Harry, if that makes sense, even if we think some of his antics are hilarious. I also love love love that that humor is also tackling the, mmm, less "romantic" (?I'm not sure that's the word I want to use for this...maybe "palatable"?) issues that can come with severe mental illness. Like if I remember right, there's a nonstandard ending where Harry can end up living under a bridge and throwing his own shit at people who pass by, pff.

For me it was a surprise to come into this fandom and find that not everyone sees what he's going through as being psychosis (same with ADHD; he absolutely has that, at least to me). I've seen a couple people -- I think it was on Reddit -- argue that what Harry experiences is not psychosis and is just a manifestation of his thought processes and impulsive behavior, and for me that is just...wild xD (and I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but it's fun to discuss, I think?)

But here's the deal for me: if someone sticks their thumb up their ass in public because their friend dared them to and they think it will be funny, that's impulsive behavior. If someone sticks their thumb up their ass in public because a voice in their head told them it would make them a better detective, that's a delusion.

So what does that have to do with me? Well, for me, I have a rare diagnosis of OCD with psychotic features, and (gonna put the rest of this under a cut in case it's triggering for people to read about psychotic episodes)

mine, before being involuntarily (but needed at the time) hospitalized twice and properly medicated, tended to be things like...I would think my limbs were detaching themselves from my body, or one time I wouldn't open my eyes for literally almost two days because I thought all sharp-cornered objects would cut them. Hallucinations would involve seeing what I thought was my skin being pulled as my limbs detached and occasional auditory hallucinations of crowds in my head (where I'd then think they were trying to tell me something Important and drive myself crazy sitting and listening to unreal crowd burble noises), but none of the stuff fiction likes to show because it's easier to depict (never had voices in my head telling me to do stuff or saw a super clear hallucination of a person or monster unless you count sleep paralysis. There were occasional shadows and vague faces that move in walls which I still get when I'm extra tired, but the only times I ever thought those things were real was when my brain was telling me I was receiving otherworldly messages.) There were other things, too, behavioral stuff I'd rather not talk about because it's still so shameful for me.

I thankfully respond really well to medication, which is especially good since OCD with psychosis is notoriously hard to treat since the types of drugs for OCD vs. psychosis seem to do the exact opposite things and block one another.

Anyway, back to DE. This is a bit...shallow, but it was extremely refreshing to play a game where the main character is at least as big of a disaster as me, if not worse xD;. I FEEL SO SEEN, haha, and not only that, but it's a protagonist in an extremely popular game, and fans like him anyway??? That's fantastic. I never thought I'd see the day.

Now, why does he have psychosis -- as in what diagnosis? I'm not sure, but I don't think it'd be OCD with psychotic features like me (even if he potentially has OCD, which I'll discuss in a moment.) I'd say he probably has bipolar 1 and/or (since not unusual to be comorbid), schizophrenia, though I lean more toward bipolar 1 even though the game itself says the word "schizophrenia" out loud a couple times. (To be clear, I'm not a mental health professional, but I don't think the writers of DE are, either. I would also like to say that if anyone reading this is schizophrenic and feel that Harry is as well, your opinion is way more valid than my own and I'd love to hear from you.)

I lean toward bipolar 1 because of the obvious -- he's gone through both manic and depressive stages in the past and does so in the game with a ton of delusional thinking combined with (short-lived or skin-deep) inflated sense of self (Superstar Cop, Honor Cop, etc.) It's also well known that folks with bipolar tend to self medicate. It's less well known that bipolar often has psychotic features as well.

As for an argument for schizophrenia, I'd point toward Apocalypse Cop, that paranoid delusion (??? mmaaaaybe, haha,) about the world ending (I really only know about paranoid schizophrenia; I don't know much about the other types, so it's entirely possible Harry has one of those instead,) as well as his lack of awareness about hygiene, though that could maybe be explained by his amnesia and the fact he was on a days-long bender before the game started. The reason I'm a little bit hesitant toward it is because Harry seems too aware of his own problems and the fact that he is not experiencing life the way most other people do, (he actually questions Kim at the beginning if Kim also hears voices,) and the couple people I met in the hospital that had schizophrenia were (when still adjusting to medications or had yet to find something that would work for them,) really unable to have that kind of self-awareness.

As for the OCD, I'm not as sure of that for him like I am with ADHD and either his bipolar and/or schizophrenia, but I think there's some pretty good arguments to be made. To me, Harry's constant harping on things that no one else thinks is interesting or important is a factor of his ADHD but can *feel* like OCD, but more so when he is stuck in verbal loops, which could definitely actually be OCD rather than, say, brain damage, since he seems to be aware that he's doing it. Some of the more bullying Skills also feel SO much like OCD, the ones telling him to do things that are nonsensical and that he doesn't actually seem to want to do feels like -- just for one of my many, many non-hallucinatory, fully OCD moments in my life -- when I just had to put a lit match in my mouth because if I didn't, *everyone I love would die,* pff. (Spoiler alert: it burns and it tastes weird.) Actually, I'm just now realizing why Authority may have been one of my least favorite Skills, as funny as its situations could get (ICE COP HAT FUCK SHOW?!??!?)

Anyway, I'm sorry for such a long answer to your question, @linisiane, but it made me so happy you asked! I really appreciate your question. This game is so good for making most people with any kind of neurodivergence feel good. I think it might be the most important fictional thing (for my own well-being) I've ever found. There's so much you can say about it. In fact, I know I've forgotten some stuff I wanted to talk about, but oh well! I can always add or something later if I feel like it. If anyone has any questions about this, you're very free to ask me. I'm also super excited to start talking to more people in the DE fandom; I have yet to convince any of my friends to play it for more than ten minutes.

I love y'all so much! I mean it. This fandom is great.

#disco elysium

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heroicintention · 5 months

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nobody is a villain in their own story. George R.R. Martin.

#heroicintention — independent selective multimuse blog. medium activity. 18+ only. written by puff (she/her 25+). mutuals only.

dark & questionable themes present. please read rules before following.

site. memes. starter calls.

Mobile Rules.

18+ Only. I am over 25, and I will only write with people over 18. If I believe I am speaking with someone below legal age, I will cut off contact immediately.

21+ Shipping. I am so sorry to anyone under 21, but I am more comfortable writing ships / more intimate relationships with those over the age of 21. I’m still happy to write with anyone over 18 in a general manner, but I just don’t want to write that, you know?

No Bigotry. I know I write some HELLA problematic kids, but ooc we do not take any of the phobias. Just leave. (I didn’t think I needed to say this specifically but I do not support JKR. I like the sandbox, I am attached to the characters, I think she’s a bigoted bitch.)

Following. I will probably only follow blogs I see myself having fandoms in common && I will have read your rules. I am happy to write with OCs as well, but I am mainly on tumblr to explore more dynamics in the fandoms I love . I will not follow those who are critical of what others are writing in their own spaces. I can respect having boundaries. I do not respect calling people names or hammering down on people for their interest in fictional topics.

Ending Contact / Blocking. The block button is a friend and I advise we all get to know her.

If we are mutuals and you unfollow for any reason other than inactivity please hard block me. I do not mind and I will not dig into it. I mainly do not want to cause discomfort because my forgetful ass follows you again. Moreover, I don’t want to be under the impression we’re still mutuals. I’ve gotten chewed out for it before and I’m way too sensitive for this world.

If I unfollow from inactivity or just no interaction, I'll probably soft block. I just prefer to do so.

If I’ve blocked you and we’ve never interacted? I just don’t see us meshing and/or something in your rules made me decide my blog may not be for you. No one is perfect for everyone.

If I am made to feel uncomfortable for any reason, I will cut off communication and block. The block button is a friend. We love her.

Triggers. This blog can and probably will contain dark, questionable, and possibly problematic themes. I will tag things as appropriately as I can. I will not tag things out of fanon thought (i.e. ‘they’re like brothers’ does not equal incest. All ship art / ship threads will have tags. Block them or block me. Again, I don’t mind. I don’t have many triggers, but will not be writing the following:

Any terminal illness au threads or any thread that has terminal illness romanticized.

Any romance / sexual relationship between a minor and an adult. All my muses partaking in a relationship WILL be 18+, though more likely 21+.

Anything regarding scat or vomit.

On Shipping.

Do not force ships on me. I will not force ships on you. I don’t mean don’t approach me and ask— I mean don’t have your muse automatically talk about having an intimate relationship with mine without discussion. My muses USUALLY need to work up to ships and I most likely will NOT instantly ship unless we’ve discussed it because in canon characters are married or DEEPLY involved.

Some of my muses may NEVER be truly interested in a relationship despite having feelings for someone. I apologize for that, but I really love complicated dynamics and sometimes a muse can't accept love.

Also— please do not take me talking about a certain ship and/or writing fic or drabble about a certain ship as me trying to pressure you into it! I post a lot of Negan/Rick content, for example, but my Negan is not open to shipping and my Rick is not easy to romance! I love all kinds of dynamics.

Length. I’m not a stickler for matching length by any means, but PLEASE give me something to work with, even if it is continued from a meme. I will most likely not reply to one-liners.

Writing Multiples. I am open to playing multiple characters within a thread (NPCs included).

Characterization. My characterization of my characters is my own. Do not force your headcanons for my character on me. Several of my characters are canon-divergent.

Characterization continued. I know some of my characters are popular. I know some of my bios are long. But please at least read the snippet of “about characterization” before we thread or ask me and I will gladly tell you. I will bring it to your attention if something has been misinterpreted.

Literate. My job includes copy editing... so I don't want to write with a mass of errors. I expect my writing partners to be literate-- though of course errors happen and I'm perfectly understanding!

God Modding. Do not godmod. Do not assume things of my characters. Do not try to control the actions of my muses— NPCs I am happy to share 'custody' of. Exceptions are made for small things that help more the story forward.

Drama. I REALLY didn’t think I needed to add this. Do not, under any circumstances, involve me in your drama. Do not take our mutual status as a reason to bring me into your battles. I do not want details, I don’t want information, I will block you. Unless someone is harming REAL MINORS or doxxing people? I do not want to know your beef.

Mobile Muse List. all bios found on google site as written.

Akito Sohma (Fruits Basket)

Alec Lightwood (The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Books Based)

Angel Devil (Chainsaw Man)

Ariana Dumbledore (Harry Potter)

Bella Swan (Twilight) shut up i know

Beth Greene (The Walking Dead)

Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things)

Carl Grimes (The Walking Dead)

Constanta Tepes (Dowry of Blood)

Gabby Kinney (Marvel Comics)

Gwen Poole (Marvel Comics)

Harley Keener (Marvel Cinematic Universe + Comics)

Izuku Midoriya (My Hero Academia)

Jason Todd (DC Comics)

Jillian Moriarty (BBC Sherlock Original Character)

Jim Moriarty (BBC Shelock)

Kamala Khan (Marvel Cinematic Universe + Comics)

Keigo Takami (My Hero Academia)

Leah Clearwater (Twilight)

Lizzie Samuels (The Walking Dead)

Negan Smith (The Walking Dead) closed to shipping.

Oboro Shirakumo (My Hero Academia)

Pansy Parkinson (Harry Potter)

Petunia Evans (Harry Potter)

Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)

Rick Grimes (The Walking Dead)

Steve Rogers (Marvel Comics + Cinematic Universe)

Snorkmaiden (Moomins)

Walden Macnair (Harry Potter) single ship.

Will Byers (Stranger Things)

#;;pinned

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ofthatcolossalwrxck · 8 months

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PINNED POST.

★ 。＼WILBUR SOOT｜REVIVEBUR ERA.／。★

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — roleplay account for c!wilbur; canon-divergent, operates in the same timeline as the events of post-hitting on sixteen up until the finale. the character's ending is NOT canon to this blog. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — from this post onwards, i will be acting as if revivebur himself is running the blog herself. almost every entry will be written as if it's a diary log, because that's how she practically uses this account! don't be too surprised this blog consists so much of her reblogs to her interests (poetry for instance) and her talks regarding daily, mundane life. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — revivebur can answer or ignore depending on how i think she would react to your interactions, anonymous asks, etc. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — revivebur uses he/she pronouns. wouldn't mind if you call her by any other pronouns, like they/them. just not all the time. for other alternative names to call her, you can call her wilbur. revivebur. rev. anything, really. or by her alias, march. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — i will be depicting her as transfem; he personally identifies as an aromantic, sex-repulsed asexual. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — i am certain she will ignore any explicit NSFW-related content from accounts she doesn't know too well and even if she knows you, doesn't make her any less uncomfortable. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — suggestive flirting is okay, but he'll be a bit freaked out if you try and advance further on that. revivebur's okay with flirting in general, especially playful banter and stuff.

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — however she is aromantic, so though she may play along, she will not develop strong romantic feelings for your character. the strongest feeling you could ever get from her will always be queer platonic. +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — heavily BPD and schizophrenic coded, written by someone with BPD and schizophrenia! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — it is of my personal headcanon that she shows very little photos since revivebur's scared of her own appearance. if ever, she reaches the point of confidence where she sends pictures of herself, i will be the one to draw it. everything else will be drawn personally! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — this is an account i made for fun; i might do a bit of angst there and there, but that's because it's revivebur. themes regarding mental illness is present, and any kind of triggering content will be tagged. obviously, she might darkly joke about the things she went through, and i cannot ignore her trauma for it's an integral part to her character. but for the most part, all of it will be done in light-hearted fun for me and my friends! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — all of her posts will be tagged accordingly to certain subjects; her entries in particular will be tagged by #rev's personal entries. any other mundane posts will go under the #rev's daily life.. tag or #rev's thoughts. reblogs will be tagged by #rev's reblogs; and responses to asks or anything else will be tagged by #rev responds! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — out of character (like where i talk specifically) are messages marked by symbols; '//' !! like for ex: // HAJAJSJS im dying so hard +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — you can send writing prompts, starters, and one shots! i will be more than happy to provide! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — everything regarding her is within my personal headcanons; don't like? then just scroll away, easier done and said! +

☆ ⋅ ⋆ — blog monitored by @parfaitxparlour ; this pinned post can and might be updated as time goes on! +

#bursona #bursonas #revivebur #cwilbur #dsmp #bursonaverse

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nightfallsystem · 2 years

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Nightfallsystem - Main blog. Plural System. cringe asf autistic and chronic pain haver. giant isopod enthusiast.

READ MY DNI AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST!!!

IF I FOLLOW U / REBLOG FROM U RANDOMLY / ACT LIKE WE'RE MUTUALS U PROBABLY FOLLOWED/INTERACTED ON MY BLOG @qiekz OR @qiekzart

‼️hi guys if ur reading this during october 2023 plz check out @qiekzart rn im doing a thing ✨✨

Check out my etsy plzzz :333 i post adoptables !!

My name is Qiekz, my pronouns are it/its, please use my actual preferred pronouns. For your DNI purposes please know I'm 14 ^_^ also no nsfw interaction or you will fucking die!! im also learning japanese! (please send help.... im dying..... grahh.. ive gone too far to quit its kind of my curse now.)

what to expect from this blog? random shit, this is my personal blog. there may be vents and rants (tagged as #vent and #rant respectively) there may be random shit there will be so many reblogs.

i try to add ids when i can into the alt text, though i have chronic pain so sometimes im too tired to, sorry

Special interests: Giant isopods, Yugioh 💀💀

interests: TBHK, manga and anime, servals, marine animals, suicide boy (critical of it...), made in abyss, (critical of it...) , japanese language ,, ... i forgor

FEEL FREE (i encourage you to!) TAG ME IN SHIT ABOUT MY INTERESTS!!! esp yugioh im really autistic about it o my god

#autistic about this thing tag <- will be me tagging shit im really autistic about!!

not really in discourse anymore other than transgender stuff so if you try to drag me into discourse ill drag you into the pits of hell. i fucking hate syscourse so much.

If i am not speaking and another system member is, the post will be tagged as "- [name]". I tag common triggers, flashing lights and eyestrain, etc, these will be tagged as "TW [topic]". also JSYK i block a fuck ton of people so like, yeah, I block anyone for any reason I want. I will also not unblock you. unless youre liek my friend or smth.

We have so many fictives sooo,, source list: TBHK, Omori, OneShot, Wolf Song the Movie (yknow, that one on youtube.), yugioh..... </3 .. sourcemates r cool to interact n stuff feel free to send an ask im just shy...

anon hate MUST be original no lame "kys" or "[slur]". i will judge you. try better. try harder. get good. if you send anon hate i will judge it and rate it out of 10 so please try your best.

i am weirdo fictionkin heres the list: hooni from suicide boy yayy,, faputa from made in abyss ( I FUCKING HATE THE SORUCE FOR BEING SO WEIRD OMFG AHGHH),, jolteon from pokemon. . im weird and fuckd up . much prefer if u dont rlly seperate me from me in sources. cuz i just am me. sorry. ig. just refer to me as me . thank you

I am critical of all of my interests!!

or more just i hate them agh just be normal omfgggg crying sobbing

if you wanna avoid a common trigger its most likely tagged #tw [topic]. i also tag eyestrain and flashing lights but usually i just tag it as "#eyestrain" or "#flashing". tbh i unfortunately cant be trusted to remember to tag any other specific trigger because of bad memory. i wont tag reclaimed slurs but i will tag slurs used in a mean way

Please do not DM me unless you actually really need to. Send me an ask if you want to DM me and specify that you want it answered privately if you want. but i AM UNCOMFY WITH DMS. unless we're friends or i DMed you first. otherwise i place a curse on you I MUCH prefer asks over DMs

Sideblog list

@omori-addict

@oops-all-traumacore (TW TRAUMACORE)

@sunnymogai (inactive)

@hellhoundmutt (inactive)

@sunnymogai2 (inactive)

@qiekz (EYESTRAIN + FLASHING TW please block if you are affected by that please)

@qiekzart

@tsukasabrainrot

alter blog 4 tasma:

@tazmahell

@tazmaboxed

DNI:

Anti plural, pluralphobe, anti endo, sysmed, against created alters/etc, "dont believe in systems",

Proship, condone or support posting any sexual stuff that includes a child, lolicon/shotacon/etc, someone purposely meant to look like a child, cub.

LGBTQphobic, transmed, transphobe/homophobe/biphobe/panphobe/etc, 'super straight'/variants, anti-ace inclusion, anti-aro inclusion, anti a-spec inclusion, aphobes, anti mspec lesbian/gay/etc, stelliophobic, anti lesboy/turigirl/etc, anti any good faith queer identity, anti neopronouns, anti xenogender, anti mogai.

Ableist, support autism speaks, think "narc abuse" is a thing/demonise people with any disorder including NPD, infantalise people with disorders/disabilities/etc, post/support on subreddits like r/fakedisordercringe or r/systemscringe, use the term "Aspergers" / describe urself as an "aspie" (Hans Asperger was a nazi who killed many disabled people, so shut the fuck up.)

Racist, cultural appropriators.

Radqueers, trans-id/transX, transrace/trace (not adoptee term), support the term transplural, pro-contact/contact-complex/contact-neutral for harmful paraphillia, sway people away from getting help for harmful paraphillia, MAP/Pedo/zoo/necro. (also transspecies is ok if its not used in a transX way)

Fujoshi/variants. fetishize mlm/wlw, etc.

Against traumacore / vent art.

Have minors on ur DNI (no offense im just a minor lol), NSFW-Focused blog

Post stolen art (includes AI images) / trace art without consent

other stuff is im neutral on factkin or kff tbh. and i think id rather stay neutral on tulpas as a term. i just dont fucking care. i dont involve myself in syscourse anymore, i might post more endogenic positivity later but id rather not due to the rampant harassment and infighting in the system community.

#pinned post

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doodle-pops · 2 years

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Elves' General Headcanons on Having a S/O with DID

Request: I'm torn between how the elves would react to a s/o with DID or the opinions on male x male relationships. - Anon

A/N: This is a very interesting question here anon. Now, I've stated that writing/addressing topics like mental illness makes me very wary because I do not want to insult someone through misinterpretations. I tried my best to not go into full on descriptions to get anything wrong.

Please do not engage in the act of faking mental illness for 'aesthetic' purposes. If you happen to be suffering symptoms of a certain illness, seek professional help, don't self-diagnosis. There are people out there with real mental illnesses and it's heartbreaking to them to see their condition be treated as a trend.

My sincerest apologies if I got something wrong.

Warnings: mentions of the words abuse, trauma, depression, and mental illnesses. If topics on mental illnesses make you uncomfortable, then do not engage with this post. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

⇴ In today's world DID is still a very big mysterious mental illness that has similar symptoms to other illnesses which makes it difficult to identify.

⇴ You, their s/o who is very much aware of your condition would baffle a lot of them when you explain your illness.

⇴ Many will be shocked to learn about you being mentally ill. I think mental illness at their time wasn't given names or identified like the way we do now, so you would have to explain your symptoms.

⇴ Informing them that your condition was a rare case and it is uncommon among your folks would leave them worried.

⇴ Your lover would question you on all that you knew about your illness so they can provide as much assistance as possible and avoid worsening it.

⇴ Is there something that triggers it? Is there a way to reduce panic attacks and anxiety?

⇴ They would assist you with all that they can to ease the worry and stress, and if you're in the process of healing, they would be at your side step by step.

⇴ One common form of obtaining this condition is trauma or abuse from a young age. This is perhaps the most terrifying thing you could inform them of.

⇴ Their biggest thoughts would be on who was the cause of your abuse or trauma.

⇴ This would also further clarify their confusion as to why you appear depressed or moody from time to time.

⇴ The most common symptom of DID is the presence of two or more personalities/alters.

⇴ Alerting them of you having more than one alter within your mind would both fascinate them and confuse them, so a further explanation would be needed.

⇴ To calm them down, you do your best to reassure them, that as long as you are away from stressful or any traumatizing situations, they shouldn't have to worry about the switch.

⇴ If the switch does happen, it could be abrupt. One minute they were talking to you and the next minute, your other alter stepped in.

⇴ This happens when you're feeling anxious or depressed or sometimes the mentions of abusive topics, your alter would switch to help act as a coping mechanism.

⇴ The part that gets them the most is when the switch happens, they haven't the slightest clue because it could be so calmly. It's only until you started appearing confused mid conversation that they'll realize a switch happened.

⇴ Elves tend to love a lot stronger than us due to the fact that they connect with the fëa rather than the hroä.

⇴ So, your respective elven lover will stand by your side and learn all about your other alters and how to identify them should an appearance be made.

⇴ They would learn to love all the other alters that you have because to them, they are a part of you and they love all of you.

Masterlist

Taglist: @spidergirla5 @givemaedhrosahug @eunoiaastralwings

If anyone wants to be tagged, click the link or request in the asks.

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forgottenluck · 4 months

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Mobile Friendly Rules

Please follow the following rules, and warnings that go along with this blog. If you ignore these warnings, these rules, and make a fuss about what I rp, or who I rp with, then you will be blocked. I make these statements very clear as to not cause confusion.

This is a semi-active, slow replies, Mutuals ONLY blog for an extreme (borderline OC) AU version of Yuri Lowell from Tales of Vesperia. 90% of the time I likely will rp him as an OC, but I would love to explore the other vesperia characters with him.

This blog will have mentions of depression, mental breakdowns, panic attacks, and other dark topics. If any of these are something you wish to not interact with, then this blog is not for you. Continue interacting at your own risk.

While I try to tag triggers, I sometimes forget, or don't realize that something is a trigger. If you would like something tagged, please let me know!

It is okay for minors to interact with me. My blog will not contain any nsfw sexual content. (any such scenes will be fade to black or vaugely explained due to my personal trauma).

Reiteration of above point, there will be NO SMUT on my blog. Romantic relationships are absolutely fine, even encouraged because I'd love to explore that. But any writing more than kissing gets put into the fade to black corner. I am not comfortable writing indepth actions due to personal trauma.

Do not, under any circumstance, take control of my character without my consent. My writing style depends heavily on their own mind and actions, so taking control of my character without notifying me first OOC is a big red flag.

Please communicate with me OOC! I need communication via muns so that I know what i’m doing isn’t taken the wrong way. I have had these issues in the past, and would like to avoid repeats. (If we've hit it off on here, and talk consistently, feel free to ask for my discord! I'm not super great at keeping up conversations, but i can try and I'd love to get to know people better!)

I do not mind becoming affiliates! However, this will happen organically. If we talk a lot OOC and rp a lot, then I likely will affiliate with you and make you a Main. Do not ASK to be mains.

I reserve the right to rp with whoever I wish. I do not pick sides. I will not choose one over the other. If you attempt to make me choose either you or someone else, unless I know you very well and we are close friends...I will likely choose the person who is not pressuring me to choose. Firefox and Chrome both have extentions that allow you to block almost all instances of a user on your blog, please use it. (the only exception to that is asks, and for that reason I do not answer asks, but instead make a new post.)

IF YOU FOLLOW ME AND I MAKE AN EFFORT TO RP WITH YOU AND TALK WITH YOU AND YOU DO NOT MAKE AN EFFORT IN RETURN I will unfollow you. I normally do not have an issue with this, but there are a few people who I have been excited to rp with and then it never go anywhere. If I see that you consistently reblog memes and starter requests without fulfilling, I will unfollow you.

The following urls and/or Muns are people I do not associate with. I do not wish them to be brought to my attention, I don't want to know about them. I have their urls blocked to where I cannot see them. I will not, however, tell you who to rp with.

-Star/Usa/whatever her url and name is now: Lots of drama happened with this person and my circle of friends. Due to her sending people to attack me and my friends via anon, I do not wish to even hear about her. This situation has been inactive for months.

-Loke: (renascii) Same reason as above though also for stealing and lieing. This situation has been inactive for months.

-Ezrile: A little bit more difficult to explain, but this person is unmedicated and mentally ill, and uses their illness as an excuse to treat others quite badly and as their personal punching machine. When called to take responsibilty for their actions, they pushed it off and have slandered my name as well as other's in order to justify their actions. This situation is still ongoing, as they continue to vague about me and another person who will remain unnamed, as well as stalk us. (I have confirmed that this person IS in fact a stalker. I would advise in avoiding this user, but will not force it. If you would like more information, send me a message and we can discuss things.)

This list will update as necessary. As stated, You may rp and interact with these people; just make sure to tag them so my blocker can get it. Please understand this is NOT a dni, I just ask if you interact with these people please make sure to tag their urls so that my blocker will pick them up.

I try not to engage in drama. I do my best to keep in my own lane. I have in the past, voiced my opinions on topics that are related to me particularly or related to people I am quite close with. However, I try to stay out of it.

Please do not pressure me in replying. I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. All of these combined do not make a good cocktail for pressure, and if i'm pressured in interacting, replying, or other things then I get burnt out really fast. I do this because I enjoy it, so please don't take my enjoyment out of it by putting a deadline on me.

That being said, if i've taken more than a week or so to even interact with you, feel free to poke me and just give me a gentle reminder! I don't consider "hey we still good for that rp?" a pressuring measure, and I love to interact so i'd be thrilled to get a message!

I care very little about how other people run their blogs. I care very little about what topics you rp. If I enjoy talking to you, or writing with you, then I will do so. This means I do not take place in censorship culture. I will not shame you, or call you out based on what you find enjoyable. I know for a lot of people, writing and rp is a type of therapy, and most of us are adults here and can choose to disengage when something makes us uncomfortable.

If you DO happen to do something that makes me uncomfortable, I likely will unfollow, but I will at least communicate with you on why before I do. But considering I'm currently rping a bunch of trauma ridden little ones, it's highly unlikely.

Finally, a special rule: I will NOT RP with any characters from the series Tales of Symphonia or Tales of Symphonia Dawn of the New World. If you are a multimuse that has these characters on it, then as long as those rps are tagged, I'm fine. I have a bit of trauma related to the series and don't wish to revisit it.

#Rules tag

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daddyy333 · 2 years

Text

Broken | Eddie Munson x y/n

if you’d like you can reblog my original work, but please don’t post it without credit. if you take inspiration from my ideas please tag me, I’d like to see how someone else would write it

Word count: 6.6k

Please do not skip the TW, this is a very very very very triggering story I honestly contemplated not posting it and just writing it out for the hell of it the only reason I feel remotely comfortable doing it is because of the new mature rating feature

TW: DRUGS, BEING DRUGGED, RAPE (NOT JUST MENTIONS, THIS STORY DESCRIBES A PERSON BEING RAPED IN PRETTY VIVID DETAIL), SUICIDE, SUICIDE ATTEMPT (NOT JUST MENTIONS, THIS STORY DESCRIBES A PERSON TRYING TO TAKE THEIR LIFE IN VIVID DETAIL), THERAPY, DEPRESSION, MENTIONS OF BEING ON MEDICATION FOR MENTAL ILLNESS, LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANY

summary: another girl does things to Eddie without his consent, and it only gets worse from there

Story begins after the cut

—————————————————————

“Hey, sexy” a tall blonde said as she tapped Eddie on the shoulder. Eddie was relaxing at the bar after his show at the Hideout. He planned to finish this beer and then call you to bring him home since you made him stop driving drunk, even if it was only one beer.

The woman slipped a roofie in his beer and he turned around, grabbing it to take a sip absentmindedly. He chuckled and said “I’m flattered, miss, but I have a girlfriend back home who I am very much in love with. No thanks,” he gave her a sympathetic smile and she sighed.

She reached forward playing with his hair and he tried to pull back but she wouldn’t let up. He felt really uncomfortable but didn’t know what else to do except wait it out. He kept rejecting her, sipping on his beer the entire time until about 10 minutes went by and he felt woozy and unstable.

“You okay?” She asked and he cleared his throat. He sighed and said “c-can you help me to the bathroom? I think I h-had too much to drink” “sure,” she said and got up, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around her waist and quickly getting him to the hotel across the street.

“Hey- hey w-what are you doing? Stop, please I just- can you call me a cab or something?” He said and she sighed, shoving him in the room and locking the door. He stumbled, grabbing onto a dresser and trying to get to the door.

“No- no I have a girlfriend. Please, I don’t want to have sex with you” he said and she groaned. She slapped him and then pushed him on the bed, he felt so weak, so dizzy. He whimpered and tried to push her off but it wasn’t working, how the hell could she possibly be stronger than him, she’s like half his size.

That’s when it hit him. He’s been drugged.

“Hey, hey- fuck- I-I said no! Get o-off of me I said m- no, I don’t want to h-have sex with you!” he yelled and she slapped him again, getting his shirt off of him. He whimpered and kept trying to push her off even though his muscles felt like jello.

She got his pants off and he let out a sob, he didn’t think this actually happened to men. Sure, he’d heard of it but you it was more common to hear about a girl being raped buy a man twice her size. He felt pathetic, how could this tiny woman have so much power over him, enough to keep him from getting out from under her.

“Please- stop! N-No- no!” He said, kicking his legs as she took off his underwear. She kept trying to make him hard, and it wasn’t working because the last thing he was was horny right now. He couldn’t stop crying, he just hoped you would believe him that he didn’t want this and it wasn’t his fault.

“Get off! I don’t w-want th-this- please stop!” He cried, trying endlessly to push her away. She sighed, grabbing him and shoving him into her. He screamed, kicking his legs out and trying to hit her and get her off of him.

“No! No- stop!” He cried and she pinned his arms down about his head, grinding on his completely soft penis. He sobbed and sobbed, she kept hitting him, most on his body and a few times in his face. She started kissing his neck, suckling a hickey onto it.

He felt so stupid, she was so small how could he not push her off. He screamed and screamed, crying for help. She stuffed his mouth with the bedsheet, muffling his cries and screams.

She came twice on him, and then went to the bathroom to clean herself up. Eddie whimpered, breathing hard from his tears. He felt so weak, so vulnerable, so pathetic. He passed out from how hard he was crying, upset that this happened to him, worried that you wouldn’t believe him, wondering what the hell life would even be like without you in it.

She left him there, and when he woke up the sun had risen. He sat up and winced, there was bruising all over his body, and he felt like shit. He teared up, remembering what happened to him last night and then thinking of you. He stood up, his body shaking from the crying and the trauma of it all.

He cleaned himself up and put his clothes back on, tears continuously running down his cheeks. He got in his van and drove home, becoming more numb as the minutes passed. He stopped crying, he just stopped feeling anything.

“Eddie?! Where the fuck have you been? You were gone all fucking night, you said you’d call me around midnight to pick you up, it’s 11am what the hell is wrong with you?” You said, angry and frustrated after hours of worrying sick about him.

He looked up and said “I-I’m sorry, okay just…l-let me explain-” “the hickeys on your neck tell me all I need to know. You piece of shit!” You said and shoved him going to his room to get your stuff. He wasn’t going to stop you. It was easier to tell you he cheated than to tell you a tiny little woman managed to drag a full grown man into a hotel room and rape him and go through everything that happened to him and say those things out loud.

You came back out a few minutes later, all your stuff in a box he hadn’t gotten around to throwing away yet. You ripped off the heart locket he bought you on your 1 year anniversary and said “fuck you, Eddie Munson!”

The floodgates opened again, and now he was feeling the after effects of the roofie. He ran to the bathroom, throwing up over and over again till his stomach ached with emptiness. He whimpered, sitting against the wall as he sobbed.

He should’ve fought harder, he wanted to. But he couldn’t, not when the truth was so embarrassing. Wayne was upset at him for “cheating” on you too, and even threatened to kick him out. It broke him, making him slice into his forearms enough to make him dizzy from blood loss.

Everyone noticed he was down at school, and he even cancelled Hellfire. The boys knew you two had broken up but they didn’t know why. Now, sitting on his bathroom floor a little over a week after everything went down with a fresh razor in his hand and his suicide letters to you and Wayne sitting on the toilet, he felt so broken.

He wished he would’ve just told you the truth, maybe you would’ve believed him. He could’ve been in your arms, being comforted by you and being loved by you. But he had to be a fucking pussy and he had to just let you go instead of admitting what really happened. God he felt like such a fucking idiot.

He contemplated not doing it for a moment, wondering if maybe this wasn’t a good idea. He didn’t let himself think about what this would do to Wayne, he just wanted to feel better and if it hurt Wayne in the process he wasn’t going to let it affect him at this point. He had nothing to lose, you were the last good thing in his life.

He sliced deep in his wrists, groaning from the pain. He watched the blood pour out, pain erupting in his body. He cried and cried, whimpering your name a few times. He just wanted you so bad. He heard a muffled sound of the door opening, he didn’t realize Wayne would be home so soon.

“Sh- shit” he mumbled, more tears running down his cheeks. He felt his heart rate slowing and was struggling to breathe, but he didn’t regret it. It made him feel better. “Eddie? Eddie where the hell are- holy shit- what the hell?! Eddie what the fuck did you do?!” He yelled, bending down and grabbing his wrists and realizing the severity of the situation as his eyes filled with tears.

“No….l-let me die” he whispered hoarsely, Wayne let out a shaky breath, dragging him to the phone in the kitchen and dialing 911 with bloody hands. “P-Please, please you have to help, m-my nephew- he tried to kill himself. He sliced his wrists, he’s bleeding so much- fuck!” He said and trapped the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could keep pressure on the cuts with kitchen towels.

Eddie groaned, his lips turning blue and the throbbing in his wrists getting unbearable. He talked to the lady on the line, telling her the address and making sure to keep pressure on his wrists.

“Don’t tell me to calm down- god damn it, boy don’t you die on me. Keep your fucking eyes open!” He said and shook him. He sobbed softly, holding him as he realized he might have to bury his poor little nephew. He whimpered when the ambulance arrived, really hoping it wasn’t too late.

They got him to the hospital, Wayne sat in the waiting room for hours, covered in Eddie’s blood. Tears never stopped flowing, he couldn’t get that image of him on the bathroom floor out of his mind.

With shaky hands, he pulled the notes out of his pockets and put yours back once he realized which was which. He wasn’t going to read yours, that wasn’t his place.

I’m sorry, Uncle Wayne. I know this probably hurts you a lot, and I’m sorry you had to find me like that. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve just been going through a lot since losing y/n, and there’s other stuff I’ve been dealing with that no one knows about that’s too hard for me to handle anymore. This wasn’t an easy choice to make, but I can’t keep living such a miserable life. I’ve got nothing left, I’m 20 and I’m still in highschool, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me and I’ve got nothing but the same miserable life ahead of me. I wish I could stay for you, but the only way I’ll feel better is if I’m not here anymore. I’m so sorry Uncle Wayne. I love you so much, please don’t be mad at me.

Wayne felt like shit. He should’ve known something was seriously wrong. Maybe if he got a better job he could be home more and he could realize his nephew was thinking about taking his life. He promised Eddie he’d always take care of him and protect him, and he broke that promise.

God only knows how much time passed by, but eventually the doctors came and called for the “Family of Edward Munson”. He instantly stood up and they explained to him that Eddie was stable, but he lost a lot of blood. It’s going to take a long time to recover and he’s going to have to stay on suicide watch for at least a week and if he’s okay to go home after that he can with a year of mandatory therapy twice a week.

When he got to Eddie’s room Eddie was unconscious, bandages around his wrists and an oxygen mask on him. “We uhm…also noticed some kind of bruising, like he was beat up possibly. I know you said you aren’t home a lot and we don’t suspect you but do you know anyone in his life that could be hurting him physically?” The doctor asked and Wayne gasped.

“B-Bruising? Eddie’s being hit? God, I-I don’t know who would do that, I’d never lay a hand on my boy. I-I’ll find out that’s for damn sure” he said and they nodded. Wayne sat next to him with a shaky breath, grabbing one of Eddie’s hands that was tied to the bed so if and when he did wake up he couldn’t hurt himself.

Wayne cried softly, resting his head on the edge of the mattress. “I’m so fucking sorry, Eddie. This shouldn’t have happened to you. You shouldn’t have ever felt like this, I promised I’d protect you from everything and I-I broke my promise, Ed. I just wish you would’ve talked to me. I would’ve listened with open ears, I would’ve gone in late to work if you needed me to, I would’ve given everything to not see you bleeding out on my damn floors” he said and sighed shakily, sniffling.

He stayed with him all night until a nurse kindly encouraged him to go home and clean up and shower and stuff. He got home and could barely handle the sight of his nephew’s blood all over the trailer. He grabbed the phone and called you, knowing that’s what Eddie would probably want.

“Y/l/n residence” you said softly and he sighed. He took a deep breath and said “hey, y/n…it’s me, Wayne. Look, uhm, something happened to Eddie, something really really bad and I’d really appreciate it if you could come to the trailer for a bit…please” You were quiet for a few moments, he thought you were getting ready to hang up but then you said “yea, yes I can do that Wayne. Plus I should probably give him his stuff back”

You two hung up and he changed his clothes and showered, crying the entire time. He couldn’t stop looking at all the blood, he couldn’t stop thinking about Eddie.

He was sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette when you arrived. You could see him crying and your heart dropped, you thought he was exaggerating. You’d always have a special place for Wayne in your heart so you came anyway, but obviously something really bad had happened.

You ran over and wiped his tears, frantically asking what happened. He let out a shaky breath and said “Eddie uhm…Eddie tried to take his own life. I found him in time and was able to get him to a hospital but he’s really weak and he’s gonna be in recovery for a while. I’m not sure why, exactly. He wrote notes for just me and you, but I haven’t read yours and I don’t plan on it” “oh god…” you sobbed, your hand over your mouth in an attempt to keep you from crying.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart” he said and pulled you into his embrace. You whimpered and said “Wh-What if it was b-because of me?” “No, no sweetheart he wouldn’t do that to you. I’m sure it was more than that” he said and you cried into his chest, you couldn’t believe Eddie was so upset about the breakup, that it would drive him to do this.

“You can come see him if you’d like. You don’t have to” Wayne said and you nodded, standing up and reached for Wayne’s hand. He drove you to the hospital as you read the letter, more tears running down your cheeks.

Hi, y/n. I hope that this doesn’t hurt you too much, it probably won’t considering you hate my guts after what I did. But it all just got to be too much and I didn’t know what else to do. It’s not your fault, babe, I promise. Please don’t blame yourself, I did this because I wanted to. Now that I’m gone and you don’t have to deal with me anymore I just want to let you know that I didn’t cheat on you. I don’t really want to tell you what actually happened, it’s honestly just embarrassing but I hope you know I’d never ever hurt you like that. I hope you get to move on and find a guy that can actually support you, a guy with a dumb college degree and I hope you get a white picket fence and those 2 babies you wanted and I hope you get everything you ever wanted because that’s all I want for you. I love you so much baby, I wish only the best for you. See you soon, my love

When you got to the hospital you were a mess. You just couldn’t believe Eddie was feeling this way and didn’t tell anybody. Didn’t go to anyone for help. Maybe he didn’t want help. Maybe he really didn’t want to be here anymore. What if he was upset when he saw you?

He was still unconscious, and you sat down in the chair Wayne pulled up for you and held Eddie’s hand. He sighed and said “I’m gonna go try to eat something, will you be okay with him alone?” “Mhm. Thank you Wayne” you said and he smiled.

You sighed shakily, pressing a small kiss to Eddie’s hand. “I still love you. Like, a lot. I don’t know what you meant when you said you didn’t actually cheat on me but…it’s fine. Even if you did, I love you too much to actually let you go forever. So I need you here. Alive, and happy, and in my arms for the rest of our miserable little lives. I love you, Ed’s. I love you. Please, please open your fucking eyes so I know your okay” you said, your lip beginning to tremble.

You buried your head into the mattress, whimpering and crying softly. A few minutes passed, and you felt Eddie squeeze your hand slightly. You looked up and said “Ed’s? Eddie? Eddie, wake up. Come on, I felt you squeeze my hand, you got this”

He groaned and a few minutes later his eyes fluttered open. You cried even more, burying your face in the mattress again. “Hi…are you okay? Do you remember what happened?” You asked and he instantly teared up at the sight of you.

You sniffled and he said “mhm…” “okay…let me call the nurses to check on you. You’ve been out for a while,” you said and pressed the nurses button next to him. They did a little check up, concluded that he was doing well and let you be with him. Eddie was on his side now, tears pouring out non stop.

He wasn’t talking to you. He refused. He didn’t ask to have you kicked out but he wouldn’t talk to you. You stood up, your breath shaky and gasping as you tried not to cry more. You whimpered, seeing Wayne come down the hallway. “He- H-He won’t talk to me. He w-woke up and he’s fine, b-but he’s not talking” you said and got out of there as fast as you could.

You sat on a bench outside and let your head fall into your hands, sobs racking your body. You didn’t know what to do, you felt like this was all your fault. If you would’ve just stayed 5 more minutes maybe Eddie would’ve been able to tell you something that could’ve prevented this.

You still took care of him. When he was released about a week and a half later you got time off of work and still took care of him. You called a cleaning service for Wayne the day after you found out about everything and Wayne was forever grateful. You also went in and picked up some of the clutter around the trailer, but you didn’t mess with Eddie’s room because that’s his crazy little organized mess he has.

You made sure he ate at least once a day and got him in the shower every once in a while. It’s been nearly a month, he still barely talks to you. Or Wayne. Or anyone really. The kids were ripping the door off the hinges every damn day wanting to know why they couldn’t see and hangout with Eddie and it was hard not telling them but you barely knew the truth yourself.

He’s been going to therapy, but the therapist said he doesn’t talk much. But in your head that meant he was saying something so maybe he was trying to open up a little. Hopefully. You’re constantly worried he’s going to try again, that you’re going to go to the store or something and come back and find him the same way Wayne did.

He’s also been having nightmares, about what is the question. He won’t talk about them at all, to anyone. He pushes you off of him every time you try to calm him down. You felt overwhelmed constantly, risking losing your job just to stay and take care of him, turning your whole life into caring for him and barely getting a thank you in return.

He hadn't been eating much in the last few days, and he wasn’t sleeping either because he’d been having a lot of nightmares and he kept being so angry and aggressive and harsh towards you, you couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Why are you even here? I don’t need you anymore, I’m fine” “will you quit shoving food down my throat all the damn time? It’s so fucking annoying” “Stop bothering me, damn it”

You knew he was going through a lot and hopefully probably didn’t mean it but it still hurt. You thought you were being helpful, and supportive but it was obvious that you were only bothering him at this point. At least he talked to you today.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Wayne said as he got out of his truck. You were smoking a cigarette, tears streaming down your face as you thought about everything. “I’m fine, Wayne. Go get some sleep” you said and he sighed. He sat next to you and took the cigarette from you. He took a drag and said “it’s bad for you, now tell me what’s going on” he put it out and you sniffled.

“It’s just…Eddie’s been a little mean today. I-I guess I’m more sensitive than usual or something, it doesn’t usually bother me but today it did and I don’t know I can’t handle it anymore. Most of what he says is true anyways, about how he doesn’t need me anymore and I should stop bothering him. He’s…he’s fine now, he really doesn’t need me. At this point why the hell am I even staying here? We’re not together anymore, he can take care of himself. I guess I’m just doing it for me at this point, which is selfish as shit but- fuck, how am I just supposed to live the rest of my life without Eddie in it?” You said, wiping your tears away and letting out a shaky breath.

Wayne shook his head and said “I don’t know who raised that boy to be so damn disrespectful but it wasn’t me” He stood up, presumably to go yell at Eddie. You grabbed his wrist, stopping him from doing it and said “I- I don’t want you to yell at him, okay? He’s just going through a lot, he’s not himself right now. I don’t want to mess up whatever healing he has done so far”

“Y/n…he can’t treat you like this, it’s rude and disrespectful to you and your time you take to be here for him and to care for him” he said and you sighed. You let go and he bent down kissing your head. “I’m gonna go talk to him, okay? I’m not gonna yell, I’m just gonna talk” he said and you nodded.

Wayne knocked on his door and he heard Eddie sigh, sounding like he was annoyed. He opened the door and shook his head, he honestly couldn’t believe Eddie had the nerve to be this rude to you.

“I just found y/n crying on the porch smoking a cigarette because of you. Care to explain why you’re being extremely disrespectful and rude to her when she’s trying to take care of you and help you get better?” He asked and Eddie’s eyes widened a little.

You quit smoking a year ago, you didn’t care that Eddie still did it but you quit because it was expensive and it is really bad for you. It was obvious that this was really affecting you by the fact that you went back to smoking to relieve your stress.

“I just- I-I’m fine now. I don’t need her. I just don’t get why she’s still here” he said and Wayne rolled his eyes. He folded his arms and said “god damn it, Eddie, you cheated on her and she came right back to you to help you heal and get better. She could have thrown that note away and chose to let you suffer for the rest of your life but she chose to stay and to be here for you damn it. You don’t treat a woman like that, especially not the woman who’s taking care of you after you did what you did. I didn’t raise you like that”

“for fuck sake- I didn’t cheat on her!” Eddie said and Wayne scoffed. “Well then what happened huh? You had hickies for days, you didn’t leave the bathroom for hours cause you were so fucked up from whatever you did the night before, that all just happened all of a sudden?” he asked and Eddie sighed shakily.

His gorgeous puppy dog eyes filled with tears as he said “n-no god damn it I-I was drugged, r-raped and left in a h-hotel room by some girl after m-my set. Believe it or not, okay, but guys really do get raped too. My p-pathetic ass was barely able to speak full sentences, let alone p-push this girl off of me. I t-told her no so many times, I-I begged her to stop and she wouldn’t! I couldn’t stand to look so we-weak in y/n’s eyes and tell her that I couldn’t fight off a 100 pound girl, i-it’s too fucking embarassing and i-it’s easier if she just thi-thinks I cheated”

“Eddie…” Wayne said and Eddie sobbed. He scoffed and said “I-I know. I know it’s f-fucking ridiculous. I-I swear I- I-I didn’t want it” “hey, hey I believe you. I believe you, Eddie” he said, that explained all the bruises on him. Wayne sat next to him and pulled him into a hug, trying to calm him down.

“so…f-fucking pathetic!” he sobbed and Wayne quietly shushed him, smoothing his hair down. He calmed him down and kept trying to convince him to tell you, but he wouldn’t. He didn’t want you to not believe it, it felt like a miracle that Wayne believed him. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if you didn’t believe him.

You cooked dinner that night as usual, and made more than enough for the three of you but couldn’t eat it. You were filled with stress, and all that stress took away your appetite. “I uhm…I’m gonna go. Like, permanently. Eddie c-clearly doesn’t need me anymore and we aren’t together so it’s not like I have a reason to be here anymore. I have my own life and I’ve spent enough of my time here anyways…” you said to Wayne, your stuff gathered up in your arms.

He bit his lip, trying not to say anything. He knew Eddie would kill him if he did, and he really wanted to, but he knew it wasn’t his place. “Okay uh…thanks for taking care of him” Wayne said and you nodded. You put your stuff in your car and then went back inside to say goodbye to Eddie.

“Hey…” you said as you came in, hoping he wouldn’t tell you to go away. He didn’t say anything, so you sat down next to him and said “I’m gonna…gonna go. You’re capable of taking care of yourself now, and it seems like I’m only bothering you at this point so I’m just gonna go. I hope you’ll be okay, Ed’s, and I want you to promise me you’ll go to therapy like you’re supposed to”

It took him a minute to muster up a response, the lump in his throat making it hard to talk. “mhm I promise” he said and you sighed. You kissed his cheek and left, and you’d think with how much he regretted not stopping you the first time he wouldn’t make the same mistake when he got a second chance but he did. He didn’t stop you, he just let you leave.

Uncle Wayne came in a few minutes later and said “you’re really not going to tell her? You’re just gonna let her go?” “I c-can’t…I just can’t do it, o-okay? She deserves b-better anyways” he said and Wayne sighed. He shook his head and left him alone, what else could he do? He couldn’t knock some sense into the little idiot so he was just gonna have to let it go.

Eddie got to a better place, he really went to therapy like he promised and eventually told his therapist what happened. He wasn’t the same, but he finished school and got a real job, and could almost afford to move out of Wayne’s trailer if he wanted. He was on some medications to help his mental health issues, and Wayne was really happy to see him doing better.

He still missed you tons. He thought about you everyday, all the time. Always listening in when he heard someone talking about you, Steve and Robin still kept in touch and subtly told him things about her to hopefully get him to make a move. They did the same with her, knowing these two absolutely could not go the rest of their lives without ever seeing each other again.

They didn’t know about why you and him broke up, or about what happened that night before you broke up, but they did know about his suicide attempt. When he told them, they were in complete and total shock. But they were relieved to hear he was in therapy and he was taking medication, and he was getting better. The friend group always asked each other if they were doing okay every once in a while, but they especially did after finding out Eddie had ever felt low enough to do that.

He wanted to see you again so bad, to hear your voice, feel your lips on his, hear your heartbeat as you cuddled up on his couch watching a crappy movie like you used to do all the time. The way you two left things was so messed up, he regrets every mean word he said to you.

So when you showed up on his door to see him, on purpose, he was shocked. It’d been about 5 months since you left “for good”, and he could tell something was up. “Y/n?” He asked and you took a deep breath.

“Hi uhm…I need you, Eddie. I tried to be okay without you and sure, I was fine…for like 4 days and then it sucked and it still sucks. A lot. I tried moving on, I tried going on dates and they all were total shitshows and 4 out of 7 of them just wanted sex so there’s that and honestly I don’t know if it was them that was the problem. I already hate myself for coming back after you cheated but I literally can’t be with anyone else. I need you and your creaky trailer and messy hair and your chocolate button eyes and your crazy music taste and your loud and perfect and cute little personality and I just….I need you. There’s no getting around that but I swear to god if you cheat on me again I’m gonna blow a fucking gasket” you said and he stood there, shocked for a moment.

“I’m sorry…” you said and he shook his head. He cleared his throat and said “no, no…it’s okay…it’s just, I-I mean I wasn’t expecting that you know cause I…I-” “I should go” you said and tried to turn around, but he stopped you. You sighed and said “Eddie I’m sorry that was not what I mean to do I just- just let me go we can pretend it didn’t happen”

“I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen I just…I’m shocked a little…” he said and you sighed, leaning against the railing next to the steps. He looked down and said “So what does this mean?” “I-I don’t know” you said and he cleared his throat.

“Can you come inside please?” He asked and you nodded. Wayne groaned from his spot on the couch. “Will you two just kiss already? Worst romance movie ever. Just wrap it up and don’t be too loud. I have work in the morning” he said and you chuckled nervously, not realizing he was there the whole time whilst Eddie was blushing with embarrassment.

He dragged you away and flipped Wayne off before he closed his bedroom door. He chuckled and went back to watching a movie. You sat on the edge of the bed, Eddie shoved some stuff out of the bed and sat next to you. “Ed’s-” you tried to say but he cut you off.

“I-I was raped” he blurted, tears instantly filling his eyes. He let out a shaky breath and said “that morning…the night before w-we broke up…I was drugged by a girl and she took me back to a hotel or something and she…forced me down and f-forced herself on me and raped me. I promise I-I didn’t want it, I b-begged her to stop, y/n…s-she wouldn’t- sh- she just kept g-going I felt so stupid cause I could barely fight b-back but I swear I didn’t w-want it”

“Hey…hey, shh, it’s okay. I believe you, Eddie. I believe you” you said, pulling him into a hug. He buried his head into your shoulder, wrapping his arms tight around you. He needed this. Needed you, your arms around him, his arms around you. He needed this more than anything.

“I believe you…god, as soon as I find that fucking cunt I’m gonna put her ass 6 feet under” you said and he whimpered. He sniffled and said “don’t…please,” “Eddie…she needs to be in jail for what she did to you” you said and he let out a small sob.

You kissed his head and said “I’m so sorry, Eddie. I should’ve been there for you. Y-You shouldn’t have had to deal with that alone…I-I know I couldn’t” “it’s okay…y-you didn’t know, it wasn’t y-your fault” he said and you sighed shakily.

“I didn’t even give you a chance to explain w-what happened” you said and he pulled away. You held his hand, playing with his rings as he said “I probably would have reacted the same. I-It’s ok, y/n. I promise” “I’m so sorry Ed’s” you said, tears spilling down your cheeks, your voice broken.

He smiled sadly, wiping your tears away. He took a deep breath and said “it’s fine…i-it happened and I need to move on from it cause what else am I gonna do” You whimpered, nodding. You sniffled and said “are you going to therapy and stuff?”

“Yea, yea. I promised, didn’t I? She’s good, and I think I’ve actually needed therapy my whole life but didn’t really know. I-I talk a lot about you actually” he admitted, looking down so you didn’t see him blushing. You bit your lip and then said “yea?” “Shut up” he said and sniffled.

It was silent again for a few moments, both of you looking at each other through tear-filled eyes. “C-Can we please get back together?” He asked all of a sudden and you both chuckled. You nodded and he looked so relieved, and so happy.

“I’d kill to be your girlfriend” you said and he blushed softly. You bit your lip and said “can I kiss you?…please?” His eyes widened and he nodded, making you chuckle. You slowly scooted closer, cupping his cheeks. His eyes flickered down to your mouth for a moment, obviously nervous.

“Are you sure?” You asked and he nodded, moving in to press his lips against yours. He put his hands on your waist and thigh, urging you closer. You chuckled and said “woah…hey there,” “hi” he said and you both chuckled.

He leaned in again, swiping his tongue across your bottom lip. You let him, swirling your tongues together and making out like it’s your last time. You giggled, pressing your foreheads together as you pulled away for air.

He tried to kiss you again and said “Ed’s, I have to breathe” “I just…I miss you” he said, pecking your lips lightly. You shook your head and kissed him again. He eventually started to cry again which got you worried.

“Hey, hey what’s wrong?” You asked and he chuckled, sniffling. He sighed shakily and said “I’m- I-I’m just really happy. It’s been…hard, without you. B-But you’re back and w-we’re making out in my room, and I just- I love you” You gasped softly, you didn’t think he’d be ready to be as intimate as making out yet, much less saying “I love you”.

“Yea?” You said softly, wiping his tears away. You kissed him gently and said “I love you too” He smiled from ear to ear, blushing like crazy. You giggled and he kissed you a million more times.

Wayne’s heat bursted when he went to check on you two before going to bed and found you sleeping, Eddie curled up into you as you held his much taller and generally larger body as best you could. He was ecstatic to see his boy happy again, and to see the person who makes him happiest back in his life again.

A few weeks later, Eddie reported what happened to the police and thanks to footage from the bar and the outside of the hotel, police identified her and arrested her. She got sentenced to 12 years in prison with no chance of parole, you personally thought she should’ve gotten the death penalty.

It took a lot out of him to see her face to face again, but he stayed strong knowing that he could put an end to what she’s been doing, since 6 other men came forward with their stories involving her when the news of the trial hit the Hawkins Post. You were so proud of him, supporting him as best you could through such a difficult time.

About 2 years later he proposed, and you two made love for the first time since everything that happened. It was gentle, slow, and you really made sure Eddie was okay and made the night about him mostly. He wanted to cry a little, he just felt so lucky to have you and that you gave him a second chance and he was going to spend the rest of his life with you.

When he told you he was ready to stop going to therapy you bursted into tears, felt like just yesterday you’d gotten that call from Wayne, the phone call that shattered your heart. And yet here you were 5 years later, on the couch in your small yet perfect little house as your husband of three years, who was as healthy as can be mentally and physically, felt at your baby bump for kicks. Felt like a dream to even be here with him.

“I’m so proud of you Ed’s…I love you so much” you said, running your hands through his hair as his read rested on your bump. He smiled softly, you got like this every once in a while, just thinking about things and how much you appreciate knowing he was okay and he was happy. “Thank you, babe. I’m proud of you two, I know growing this crazy little guy isn’t easy. I love you more” he said and kissed your bump, looking up at you. You rolled your eyes and said “not possible, bub”

Taglist: @readsalot73

As of now I’m writing for

Eddie Munson

Joseph Quinn

Jamie Bower

Steve Harrington

Robin Buckley

Eddissy

Maya Hawke

So just comment the taglist you want to be added to and I’ll add you :)

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson fanfiction

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kyuusou · 1 year

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Blog Information for Mobile Users

This pinned post is specially made for mobile users, so they have access to important blog information. I’ll update this post whenever it’s needed.

Blog status: Currently on @gurengan (Blog under construction!)

Other blogs: @bibibooks, @kazenofuji, @tennome, @hakkouname, @gunsnboots, @awai-no-yuurei and @gurengan

Rules:

1. VERY IMPORTANT: As a result of having dyslexia, impaired vision, and eye illnesses, I ask my roleplay partners to be considerate of this. Ideally, using a capital letter at the start of each new sentence in our interaction would be great. I don’t care for the size of the text, the icon size, or anything else. If aesthetics are important to you, I fully understand and will try to work with them.

2. This is a multiple Muse blog featuring mostly original characters (OCs) and a few Canon Muses. All the Muses are from the Naruto franchise!

3. This blog is original character, multiple Muse, and crossover friendly. I do ask for an about page with minimum effort regarding original characters. While I’m multi-Muse friendly (I’m one myself after all), I want to add; I’ll follow a multi-blog only for certain Muses. This may change depending on the Muses offered over time.

4. God modding, etc., isn’t something I particularly enjoy, and I ask not to do so. If you’re unsure about anything, please don’t be afraid to private message me. I might as well add: I’m far from perfect, and if I ever do something that is a no-no for you in writing, please private message me!

5. I’m of age, and content that isn’t safe for work will be written here and tagged accordingly. This goes from gore to sexual intent and anything in between. I’ll not write with minors and ask them not to interact with me.

6. About shipping and more, I’m open to romantic shipping, but chemistry is required between our Muses. As I’m a multi-ship blog, each romantic ship has its own universe by default. Outside of romantic ships, I love to develop all sorts of ships with my Muses!

I’m not comfortable writing about sex itself, and if anything happens, I’ll ask for it to fade to black. As I’m not interacting with minors, it should be self-explanatory that NSFW will only be written with adults.

If it’s plot or background-related, mentioning darker topics regarding sexual content is alright with me, but please don’t drop this on me without warning me first. For example, the mention of rape without warning will startle me. It’s a trigger.

7. Seeing as English isn’t my native language, I can’t guarantee that mistakes won’t happen, and I ask that you not be an icky person about it.

8. To keep this role-play blog enjoyable for myself and others, anonymous hate, etc., will be ignored. You’re more than welcome to give me constructive criticism, but please, no destructive criticism.

Having been a victim of callout culture myself while wrongly accused back in 2015, I’ll not participate in any of this! That being said, I’m perfectly capable of deciding whether a callout is warranted or not. I apologise for the strict tone here, but I’ve seen and experienced firsthand how a callout can ruin someone, especially when they’re wrongly accused.

9. I’ve got a phobia and several triggers. My phobia is molluscophobia (fear of snails and slugs), and my triggers are rape, strangling, drowning, and my Muse being pinned down. All of these things make me highly uncomfortable.

While Katsuyu is a slug and the summoning of Tsunade and Sakura, I ask that you not describe it in full detail when it’s summoned.

10. I don’t tolerate out-of-character hate against LGBT+ or any other hate regarding race, religion, or the like. I say OOC because, in writing, it can happen. For a quick example, my Hyuuga OC held a grudge against Kumogakure for a long time due to the Hyuuga Affair.

11. Mun isn't Muse! Each of my Muses is unique, with their own personality and personal opinions. Please don't confuse my in-character writing with my out-of-character writing. Again, Mun isn't Muse!

12. I don’t send out passwords, as I always read my role-play partner’s rule page.

Miscellaneous:

My time zone is CET (Central European Time)

My tracking tag is Kyuusou

Out of character will usually be tagged as OOC

Hello! The puppeteer is here; I’m Myttie!

I’m a ciswoman and use she / her pronouns.

Because of my mental health, my activity isn’t consistent; I'm a sporadic role-player with a tendency toward low activity. Don't be afraid to hit me up through IM or Askbox. I like to chit-chat and get to know my RP partner better. I'm a friendly and ditsy person who likes to role-play and have fun!

That's all. Thank you for reading!

#blog rules #mobile rules #long post #longpost

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girlcalledwhatsername · 1 year

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Hello! I saw your post about not reporting blogs where people express feeling suicidal and venting. Somebody in the reblogs mentioned the same applying to ED posts, so I wanted to ask, does that mean we shouldn't report pro-ana blogs either?

Hello!

Yes I saw that addition, I was going to reblog with it but completely slipped my mind.

This absolutely applies to pro-ana blogs. They are highly triggering, yeah, maybe they're even anti recovery, they are all sorts of things, but at the end of the day it's just another hurt mentally ill person in need of support. You can easily unfollow these blogs, you can see easily block them. I would encourage doing so absolutely, it makes me uncomfortable too.

The basic thing we need to understand is what "reporting" someone entails. Think of it as going to the authorities and complaining about this person, that's what reporting is like. Which is why it's fine to do it for hate speech and harassment and spam bots and all that. But when we report mentally ill people for showing signs of mental illness we are giving them up to the authorities to be exterminated or locked up or hidden away and cut off from society and possible support systems or losing a space to vent. No one should have that authority over our lives.

The bottom line is that whether a mentally ill person is recovering or not recovering or doing it in a way you don't like, they still don't deserve to be locked up for it. Idk how the application of such laws works in different cases but the vague wording of "is this person harming themselves or shown the tendency to harm themselves in any capacity" (such as exists in most Psychiatric laws) can easily extend to pro-ana people and then they'll just be further traumatised and that's not gonna help anyone.

Block liberally. Block the tags, block the accounts. But understand at the end of the day that it's no different from vent accounts that just need a space to honestly and in an unfiltered way talk about their depression and self harm and suicidal ideation because it's always better for people to have it out than to hide it away. The more people interact with each other, even if they're sharing tips for such harm to others who are choosing to engage this way, the more community they have and the more chances of having if not recovery then at least a support system to fall back on when things get bad. And remember here to not infantilise mentally ill people by saying they don't know better and are getting badly influenced by pro ana or vent blogs. They are there engaging because they have the same thoughts and need someone to talk to about it in a particular way.

I know people who have been in these circles and yes there is harm happening, but cutting those people off from their community doesn't help them, it just drives them into isolation. People find their way out when they're ready and when they are exposed to different ways of dealing with these things.

Ik I'm not gonna come out looking as a model of sanity for this but I got a lot of my self harm under control through harm reduction that included "allowing" self harm in certain situations till I stopped associating it with coping completely and I've been clean for a long while now.

These things, these self destructive techniques we see are a symptom of larger underlying issues and just stopping that behaviour from being seen or isolating it isn't helping. Being able to vent till you detangle the underlying issues is the way to go about it.

Let people be in charge of their recovery or their choice to not go into recovery yet.

It's their own business.

And trust me, pro ana blogs aren't recruiting people without EDs to start having EDs any more than someone venting about being suicidal is trying to get other people to join them in killing themselves.

Thanks again for the question!

#suicide #suicide mention #self harm #self harm mention #ed #eating disorders #mental health stuff #asks

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delusion-of-negation · 1 year

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I loove it when folks say things like "you don't need positivity for masculinity/liking youthful skinny twinks/liking buff guys/so on because the whole world is positivity for that" like in what world dudes??? you think the whole world is like wow you like fucking twinks oh my god that's so cool you're not going to burn in hell?

there's not some like limited amount of queer positivity that we simply must reserve solely for the most in need groups, even if somebody was more accepted than somebody else, but that's a bloody big if in this case. nobody's coming to take your support, nobody's saying you don't need it. this is much like when I said I would like more support for terminally ill people, because the "it absolutely will get better!" mantra is unhelpful, and people say it depresses them to think about things not getting better so they simply can't have people like us "ruining" positivity for them. my ramble about it got mostly chronically ill people, so some began brushing terminally ill people under the rug or saying that same bullshit with a new coat of paint, like "but remember even if you cannot be cured some things will get better, don't give up!" but I subsequently get treated like the one hijacking things and being pessimistic, on my own post that I didn't even put in any tags. it literally just advocated for variety, so then we all had something. people took it as their own opportunity to soapbox about how it absolutely does get better just not how you expected uwu, and I eventually got told maybe I should view dying as better, so I can understand even I will get better, as if that's not fucking horrible response to someone saying "would be nice if I could hear good things sometimes idk", like chin up buddy dying is actually what better looks like for a sad sack of shit like you, hope this helps :).

addiction to infighting and viewing everything on oppressors vs oppressed logic means you treat suffering of others as territory disputes and confrontation and threats. I mean, ffs y'all are after mrbeast atm because he *checks notes* paid for surgery for like thousands of blind people who wanted it, I even saw claims he's refusing to pay for people who wouldn't be filmed which btw are absolutely pulled directly out of that person's asshole, you think goddamn mrbeast sat down to film thousands of people??? bro.

and it really is so similar to when people say physical disability is worse, mental health is worse, chronic is worse, x, y, z. it's fuckt. similarly like when I talked about epilepsy and compared it to an intolerance or allergy, which I have, but people assumed I don't, misread what I was saying, went on the attack. it's so tiresome. I literally was saying both are equally serious, and inflicting what triggers that in somebody is wrong and dangerous, people took colloquialisms as literal translations so badda bing badda boom, ableism against myself apparently. which means I'm oppressor, capable of maximum power, thus deserving of maximum cruel. exactly the same logic t3rfs use to send suicide bait asks to me. oppression olympics, I'm sorry but that's what it is. stop it. you'd honestly be more useful to queer people or disabled people as a completely silent onlooker than as an asshole claiming that your oppressor is a gay man with different tastes, dying people, or an otherwise vulnerable disabled person, or the guy paying for the surgery (who btw did also say the gov should be doing so, like ik apparently the narrative is he doesn't do that but yeah he does).

warped outlooks like these are spreading like wildfire, and you'd honestly be surprised how much they're even infesting irl space, including these weird obsessions with finding any way a person transgressed or sinned, ways you're more deserving of support, absolutely ridiculous leaps in logic and twisting of facts, it's just harmful. to people. you can talk all you want about politics, that community, what's best for the ends, but people are the reason literally any of that even matters to begin with. the rights of gay people aren't abstract, they're not for their own sake, they're not philosophical mental exercise, they are to protect queer people.

aromantic people don't get that the world just isn't pro-romance regarding ace, gay, trans, or poly romance, asexuals don't re sex absolutely not being accepted whenever it deviates, if you're an aromantic or gay or trans person, if you're kinky, etc, and then it doubly is an issue that gay/trans allo/allo people start asking we somehow prove being aro/ace is on par with other forms of this general genre of discrimination, as if being equally suffering has historically determined if people should care about each other. preemptively: look at the flags in my icon, I'm fucking aro. dude. however, I'm also gay af. I fuck men. I am criticising the fact you devour exclusionary rhetoric despite saying "exclusionists dni".

some criticise my lack of paragraphs and image descriptions as something adhd/visually impaired people need, but 1) I'm both, describing is hard for me, and 2) schizo, thought disorder, ocd, various issues make it near impossible for me often, just like you reading that, so just leave my posts alone, go elsewhere. variety. thoughts don't come clearly to me, it's a disjointed mess, and so ridiculous that people expect me to just "do better" and write for whatever way they find easier to read- that'd take literally hours. nothing here is "an excuse", this isn't word games, there's not an ulterior motive, get out of that mindset bro. people are like "your excuses don't make it okay not to accomodate my adhd" - idgaf. symptoms of yours don't mean I can overcome my symptoms. I shouldn't have to keep saying this but variety solves all of these. nowhere did I say allergies get respect/gay people have it worse compared to ace people/terminal people should be thought of literally every time you make a post/etc - I said be nice. bet that doesn't reflect whatever wild interpretations will fill these notes. wouldn't surprise me if somebody is saying I said there's not any cringe or toxic aro people, or that I'm erasing how exclusionists harmed ace people by equating some lame opinions with sheer incomprehensible levels of attack online (I never equated shit in these points, comparable and identical are just not synonyms).

something I think people need to learn is that just because your bullies have been calling you short, doesn't mean they don't call somebody else a tree or ask them how the weather is up there. I understand asexuals are mocked for not being sexual, despite it being the case that I'm mocked for being that; I'm mocked that thoughts naturally come in a disjointed spew, and I simply can't comprehend well enough to edit anything, but I understand you struggle to read that; I need posts that don't talk about better as synonymous with deserving, you need posts that have literally a complete lack of any indication things won't get better for you, I understand how your mind can spiral when you see such things. segmenting our communities further for ultra specficity isn't an answer though, that's isolating - really humans need each other. basically, liking twinks is not accepted just because fat guys are generally viewed as gross by society, so is any gay sex, that's all. whether you like either, we still all like dudes, we shouldn't split.

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