#if you think that's bad you should see all the songs titled '±0'

[carnationcreation]

Can you do Luke Patterson fanfic where the reader is Alex sister and is in the band who’s been in love with Luke all this time but he never noticed her. And ever since they met Julie she has seen them together has gotten jealous.So she hatches up one finally plan to make him jealous to get him to see her . And Luke realized he had been in love with her and confess to her . Sorry if it’s too much this is my first time asking for a request 🥺

TITLE: Unrequited (Luke Patterson x reader)

✌🏻Masterlist Taglist, Requests, and Works in progress!

Requested: Yes!

Prompt/summary:  Reader does one final attempt at getting Luke to notice her.

Word Count: 1,615

Authors note: appear I just write a lot of angst. Again Where’s my Love by SYML is the vibe lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day we woke up on the floor of the garage in the year 2020 was the worst day of my life.

Or that’s what I decided at least.

Apparently we had spent the past 25 years in a dark room, with Alex crying for most of that time. The girl who found us, Julie, quickly became our only tie to the real world. We could only be seen playing if she was playing with us. We soon found out that we had unfinished business that we needed to attend to before we could properly cross over to the other side. We figured it was simple. Play the Orpheum and we were done. But getting to the Orpheum was going to be a lot harder than we thought.

Slowly we had started to build up a following on a thing called ‘YouTube’ where people share videos, I never thought such a wide library of videos could exist for free every single day. Practices became a daily thing, though I didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. 

I really shouldn’t be jealous. Luke has chemistry with everyone he sings with. Alex would kill me if he found out that after all these years I was still crushing on his best friend. I couldn’t help the feeling in my throat when I saw Julie and Luke singing together though... the feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Like all the air was being sucked out of me while I tried to keep the feeling of anger from bubbling over.

Why can’t he look at me like that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I never meant to get him jealous, because I always thought making crushes jealous was unhealthy and only ever worked in the movies. But as soon as I started only talking with Reggie and Alex at practice Luke started to notice how I didn’t go out of my way to talk to him like I used to.

As time went on I started only singing with Reggie on stage for the harmonies. Every time I would look over afterwards I would see Luke staring at me with an almost blank expression.

The next few days were miserable for me.

My only desire then was to go up to him and tell him why I had been avoiding him. That I had seen every glance, smirk, smile, and laugh he and Julie had shared and say it was breaking my heart in two. I just had to watch in silence. The fear of causing drama within the band had taken precedent over my unrequited love. 

I never meant for it to be taken this far. After Caleb branded us I truly began to wonder if my place in the band really meant anything to anyone. My feelings poured out over a page as I explained everything to them in a letter. A stupid letter that I didn’t know if I actually was going to deliver or not. 

My worst fears soon became a reality after I saw their interaction outside of Luke’s house on his birthday.

Tears fell out of my eyes as I slipped the letter into his songwriting notebook and poofed out of the garage. I knew they would find it. I knew my brother would know the first place to look for me, so I avoided it.

I stood in the alleyway behind the Orpheum, tears falling down my face as I held onto my brother’s sweatshirt he had given me a few days prior. Hopefully I could still keep it.

“Are you ready?”

I turned around and saw Caleb standing in all his elaborate glory, “I guess so.”

He smirked, “Why so hesitant little dove?”

“Um,” I mumbled, a shiver went down my spine at his awkward nickname, “I’m just going to miss them.”

“Miss them? You’re going to miss them? Oh (Y/n), they haven’t even noticed you were gone. You’ve got nothing to lose.”

Tears began to form in my eyes. Breathing became hard as I realized I had been sitting here for hours, and no one came yet.

“Poor (Y/n), in love with a boy who doesn’t even notice her. A brother who was rejected by even his parents, and a best friend who doesn’t even notice her feelings. You can leave all that behind, just shake my hand.”

I stood there, debating on if I really wanted to give it all up. Did I really get a choice in this? I slowly lifted my hand, still hesitating.

“(Y/n), look around. They haven’t even come for you yet, and I’m sure that rat Willie already told them what you were doing. They just don’t care-”

“That’s not true!”

I turned around and saw my band running towards me.

“(Y/n) don’t listen to him? He’s manipulating you,” Alex said.

Tears fell down my face as Caleb grabbed my shoulder, “You’re too late. (Y/n) just look at them. They didn’t even notice as you drifted further and further away.”

My eyes flickered up, Luke locked eyes with me. Tears were forming in his eyes, “(Y/n) please don’t do this.”

I looked back down at the ground.

Julie spoke up, “(Y/n), you really don’t realize how much you contribute to this band. We all care about you so much.”

“I doubt she wants to hear from you,” Caleb scoffed, “Seeing as you stole the one thing she most wanted away.”

The boys looked at each other confused but the look on Julie’s face told me that she knew exactly what Caleb meant.

“(Y/n) I promise you, Luke and I are just best friends. I’m so sorry you felt like you weren’t important to us anymore,” Julie said.

Luke looked up at me but I tried not to meet his gaze.

“(Y/n),” Alex said, “You’re my sister. I can’t lose you too. Please.”

Tears ran freely down my face as I pulled myself away from Caleb. Luke ran forward and caught me as I began to fall.

Caleb let out a frustrated yell and disappeared. I didn’t even bother to look up as I sobbed into my hands.

“I’m so sorry,” Luke whispered to me. Alex pulled everyone into a group hug.

“Guys I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.

“This isn’t your fault,” Reggie said.

I brought my hands down to wrap around Luke’s shoulders, “I just didn’t feel good enough. I wanted to know if you guys really cared. I’m so sorry I should have said something.”

“We’re just happy we got here in time,” Alex said, he ran a hand through my hair, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

My tears came to a slow stop, and eventually we began to walk home.

“Guys, I’m taking (Y/n) somewhere. We’ll catch up.”

The guys waved as Luke grabbed my hand and pulled me in a different direction. It soon became clear where he was taking me. 

“Do you remember this place?” he asked.

“Barely,” I said. I looked around the park I had always gone to, it had changed so much since 1995, “They tore the gazebo down.”

He looked over to where the rickety white structure used to be, a bathroom area was there now.

“I remember, you used to always go there after there was a fight at your house.”

I nodded, “Quiet, secluded, free to go to. Can’t tell you how many songs I wrote here.”

He pulled me over to sit on the benches near the playground. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said. 

I looked up at the clouds, trying to get the answer straight in my head, “I just… I had seen how you looked at her. I wanted you to look at me like that. Once I started to pull away, no one seemed to notice. Caleb offered me his help, he said I’d be famous…”

“What made you hesitate?”

“I realized… I didn’t want a million admirerors, I just wanted one. Nothing could compare to that.”

I jumped as he reached over to grab my hand, bringing it over to sit in his lap as he covered it in both of his, “I want to be that person.”

“You always were.”

He smiled. He brought my hand up and placed a kiss gently on my knuckles. In a quick moment of bravery I leaned over and kissed his cheek quickly.

He placed both his hands on my cheeks before pulling me into a real kiss. The boy I thought I had lost was kissing me. The kiss I had always dreamed of but thought I could never have. 

We both pulled away breathing heavily. I looked up and giggled at his swollen lips and tousled hair knowing I probably looked the same. 

“I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to say this. I love you (Y/n). I’ve loved you since the day I met you, I loved you after we died, and I loved you every moment till now. I guess the only reason why I didn’t do anything is I was so scared of you not liking me back, or how your brother would react.”

I sighed as he rubbed his thumb across my cheek, “How do you think he’ll react?”

“He told me while we were looking for you I should’ve asked you out weeks ago. He knows,” He laughed.

The sun had started to set, the light illuminated him making him look ethereal. I pulled him into another quick kiss, “I wish I had done this sooner.”

“What? The kiss or trying to sell your soul to a dead magician?”

I laughed, “Either.”

He smiled and wrapped his arm around me, “Don’t do the second one again anytime soon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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#julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms imagine #luke patterson #luke patterson imagine #jatp luke #jatp luke x reader #jatp luke imagine #luke patterson x reader #jatp alex #jatp reggie #jatp julie #jatp alex x sister!reader

[writers-blogck]

A House, Not a Home ( Dabi x Todoroki!Reader )

Warning(s): This is siblings.  It is not a romantic story. Don't be gross.  This will have spoilers for the current Manga arc, though not many.  A little bit of health-related issues but nothing too graphic. Title inspired by Madds Buckley's Dabi song. 

Title: A House, Not a Home Pairing: Dabi x Reader (Little Sister)  Fandom: My Hero Academia  Word Count: 5,405

Ages: 0 and 6

        Rei sat on the futon, legs tucked under her as she held you close to her chest. Her fourth child, smaller than the other three had been. She loved all of her children but as she looked down at the crying newborn, she knew this wouldn't be enough for her husband. He would want another one to get the perfect prodigy. A small sigh left the woman's mouth. She was getting tired. She knew she had to keep it together for her children but she wasn't sure how long she would be able to keep this up. 

        Everyone else was asleep as she rocked you in the main room, or so she thought. Bright turquoise eyes came into view and she couldn't help but let her heart speed up. Enji had been a good husband once but after Fuyumi, he could no longer focus on anything but his legacy. He needed to be first and if he couldn't, then he would create the next number one hero. This kept him from ever being soft to his children or wife. Had you woken him up? He was never pleasant during the middle of the night... She had learned that the hard way just after Touya was born. 

        As smaller feet shuffled closer, Rei felt her shoulders relax. She couldn't help but be frightened by her son Touya at times. He had the same eyes as his father, so extreme and filled with a fire she couldn't describe. There had been nights where she worried Touya would follow his father's footsteps of intensity but moments like these gave her hope. He only ever acted this way when it was just the two of them. He had to be the cool big brother around his siblings and he dare not show any weakness in front of Enji. Rei wished she could change that, she really did. But, she was only one woman.

        "Is she alright?" He spoke softly, eyes as wide as the moon itself as he stared down at your flushed face. 

        "Yes, she's just hungry is all. Babies need to eat a lot you know. You'll probably hear her cry a lot during the night but you don't have to worry. Mommy will take care of her." Rei ran her hand ever so slightly over your fuzzy head. What color hair would you have? White like her own? Red like your father's? She was just gratefully you had inherited her eyes. She didn't know if she could take another pair of those piercing eyes. 

        "Won't she get fat if she eats all the time?" Touya quietly sat down next to his mother, shoulders brushing against one another in a silent piece of affection. Love was shared in secret in this house. Enji didn't want Rei to make his boys soft because she babied them. He was better with Fuyumi but Natsuo proved that he hadn't learned his lesson.

        Touya was too young to remember Natsuo or Fuyumi when they were babies. He had been four when Natsuo was brought home and barely over a year with Fuyumi. This was the first time he would ever truly get to experience the troubles that came along with a newborn. Natsuo still cried a lot but he just was scared to sleep by himself. 

        "Oh no, darling. She's growing and needs all that energy. Just like you are a growing boy. You know, she's lucky to have a big brother like you...."        

        "Really?" 

        "Of course. All of your siblings are grateful for you, Touya. Don't ever think differently." She ran her free hand through his white hair, caressing his face as she pulled away, attention shifting back to you. 

        As you squirmed in her arms, she feared for your safety. She didn't have the best of health and Touya had inherited that, though not as severely as her own. Rei feared that you had inherited it more than any of the other children. Giving birth had been hard and there was a moment there when they didn't know if you were going to survive. She never wanted to admit that Enji was right but you were weak. Just a baby born into a harsh world. How would she be able to keep you safe?

        "Touya, I need you to promise me something."

        "Anything!" Touya could be described as a mommy's boy, though he hid it as much as he could. All of her children preferred her, as most children do prefer their mothers. It didn't help that Enji was as rough and intimidating as he was added onto that. 

        "This is your little sister and it's your job as a big brother to protect her. She is going to need you more than Fuyumi or Natsuo. She's sick and could really use a good big brother in her life." Rei spoke softly, eyes shifting between her two children who were awake. She didn't want to put such a burden on her eldest but something in her stomach made her fear for your future. Enji would see you as weak and interact with you as little as possible. Natsuo was too young to be a real big brother to you just yet. Touya was the best chance for you to get a good male figure in your life. 

        "Can you promise me that you'll always protect her?" 

        "Of course, mommy! I'll be the best big brother you've ever seen! I'll make sure she never cries around me!" 

        Rei smiled and hoped that was true. She knew if her children were going to get affection from somewhere other than her, it was going to have to be with each other. Enji was a demanding father and while Rei tried her best, she couldn't help but get tired at times from her own health issues. Touya had taken on the duty of leading his younger siblings as soon as he could walk but this was different. She could feel it and she didn't know if that was going to be a good thing or bad. 

        "Would you like to hold her?" Touya nodded in awe as his mother placed you in his arms, keeping her own hands there as a safety precaution. You were still so young, it would be some time before she really trusted Touya to hold you all on his own. But, she would teach him. There was so much in store for all of her children, that much was certain. 

        You looked so fragile like you could break if Touya even looked at you the wrong way. He could play rough with Natsuo, though he would get in trouble if he made his brother cry. Fuyumi was only two years younger than him and though she was his little sister, this felt different. So tiny...So little. 

        Your sobs quieted as you were moved into your brother's arms, your attention now shifting to this new person in front of you. At that moment, Touya felt his heartache for the future. He knew his dad wasn't the nicest but he wouldn't let his dad do anything to you. Not while he was around. He would be your guardian angel. 

        "Don't worry," He whispered as you stared up at him with watery eyes, "I'm gonna make sure you never get hurt. You'll never have to cry when I'm around. I'm gonna be your new big brother and I won't let anything happen to you. 

Ages: 3 and 9 

        A sharp yelp followed by loud cries brought Touya rushing to the backyard. How had you even gotten out? Was no one watching you? Mom should have been...But since Shoto was born, her attention shifted to focus on him. She didn't do it on purpose but she gave him most of her attention. It was more likely to be Touya who calmed you after a nightmare, not Rei. He was the one who cleaned your cuts and put a bandaid on them. 

        As he ran outside, he was shocked to see you sitting on the ground, tiny fires alight on the blades of grass surrounding you. It wasn't hard to stomp out such small fires before they got big but he was more concerned about you. Why were you crying so much? What happened? Someone was always watching you, or at least he thought so. He had slipped when doing his homework. If you got hurt, it was his fault. 

        "What is it? Tell me, show me." He spoke, moving to where you were sitting with your legs pulled close to your chest. You were hiding your chubby hands behind your knees, shoulders shaking as you let out sobs. He was never the best when it came to you crying. He normally would just curl up next to you when you had a nightmare but it was different when you were hurt. You were always the one to go to him crying when you got a small cut or when you fell. Yet, now you were cowering away from him.

        "Show me." His tone was more serious this time as he wrestled with you, finally getting a hold of your chubby hands. He felt bad when he saw you wince but he needed to see what was wrong. What if you had broken your wrist or cut off your fingers? How would you do that? He didn't know but he was sure going to find out if you had. He hadn't been expecting what actually had happened. How could he? You were still so young...

        As you unfolded your hands, he was greeted with the sight of harsh burns. There was nothing around you that could have burnt you, nothing obvious anyway. He looked over your arms quickly, in a small state of panic. He may be more mature than some kids but he was still only nine. He only knew so much. The next thing he noticed was how hot your arms had become, something he had only ever felt between two people. 

        Taking a closer look, he noticed the dim light shining through your skin where your veins would be. When he ran his finger along the lines, he could tell they were the hottest part. The rest of the heat was dispersing from those areas. His stomach began to drop as he realized what had happened. He had hoped, dreamed, prayed that you would inherit everything from your mother. Sitting here on the grass with you now proved to him that he was wrong. 

        "It's okay! I know how to deal with this, you just burnt yourself a bit. It's going to be okay. Nii-chan gets burned all the time. I'll make it feel better. Let's go inside and we can watch a movie, how about it? We can do that after we get your hands fixed up." Even though he was still young, he was able to hoist your body up and carry you inside, though he was shakily wobbling the entire time. One day he would be big enough to carry you without having trouble. He hoped it wasn't obvious how worried he was about the situation. 

        He hadn't been prepared for when you would show your quirk for the first time. He had hoped that it would have been something ice-related. Something like Natsuo or Fuyumi. Something like your mother's. A quirk that wouldn't hurt you but he hadn't gotten that lucky. You shared the same fire that your father and Touya had within them. Would yours be as harsh as his own? The flames had been red so that was a good sign. 

        He was skilled at taking care of burns at this point because of his own quirk. Touya knew he was going to have to tell your father about your quirk appearing but, what if that made him focus on you more and make you train like him? This was still a little young to be showing your quirk. Maybe he could just hide it for some time while he taught you how to control your power. Touya could still remember how painful it had been when his father tried to teach him to hold his fire in. He wouldn't let that happen to you, he couldn't. 

        He would never let your father hurt you. Not while he was around. 

Ages: 9 and 15

        It was late in the night when you heard someone walking around when everyone was supposed to be asleep. Who would be up at this time? Shoto would be asleep for sure...Fuyumi too. Perhaps Natsuo had gotten hungry in the middle of the night? It wouldn't be the first time he had snuck around at night to fill his stomach. If you didn't know any better, you would think his quirk was a black hole in his stomach. You would never understand how he could eat as much as he did. Still, a snack didn't sound that bad.

        Wrapping yourself up in your blanket, you made your way to the main room of the house where the front door was. Instead of seeing Natsuo as you had assumed, you saw your eldest brother Touya instead. He wasn't in his pajamas like he should have been...As you looked him over, you noticed that he even had his shoes on and was tugging on his leather jacket. 

        "Nii-chan?" 

        Touya's head shot in your direction, a wild look in his eyes. His neck was bandaged up and you weren't sure if it was because of his quirk or if your father had done something to him. Enji was roughest on Touya. Both verbally and physically, Enji always would hurt his eldest son. Touya had been good at hiding it but there were still rare occasions where you saw something you weren't supposed to. Glimpses of the truth.

        "Where are you going?" 

        "(Y/N)..." His voice was hoarse. Had he been screaming? Was he getting sick? He crouched down, eyes staring at the wood of the floor as you moved closer to him. How would he explain this to you? You were the closest with him out of all of his siblings. He had been hoping to slip out without having to say goodbye to anyone. It would hurt less and it would leave less of a chance that he would be caught. 

         He could still hear what his mother had told him the day she brought you home as you moved closer. He was supposed to protect you but he couldn't stay there anymore. It was too much. You would be fine with Fuyumi and Natsuo to protect you. Plus, there was Shoto, you weren't the youngest anymore. You could live without him. 

        "I need to go away for a while, okay?" Slowly, his head moved up to make eye contact with you. He had to keep it level even as you began to tremble and form tears in your own eyes. He had to do this, no matter what. If he stayed tonight, then he would just be reminded tomorrow why he wanted to leave tonight. It was the best opportunity that he would have for some time. Your dad had drunk some alcohol tonight and would be passed out upstairs. 

        "Where are you going?" 

        "I don't know." 

        You shuffled over, unable to truly understand what was going on. Touya reached out, pulling you into his arms, and began to run his hand through your hair. Your mother would be so disappointed with what he was doing but he had to be selfish. Sometimes you had to look out for number one. Sure, you would have a crappy childhood but your dad never hurt you. If Touya stayed, he didn't know if he would make it to his next birthday. He had to plan for his own survival. 

        "When will you be back?" 

        "I don't know." 

        "Will you be back?" This question was quieter than before. Timider, meeker. He could hear the fear in your voice but knew what he had to do. He knew what the answer was. No, he wouldn't be coming back. He was running away for good this time but how do you tell your kid sister that? Plus, if he did explain, there was a chance that you would tattle.

        Without answering, he let go and stood up, pushing you back a bit so there was space between the two of you. A few stray tears were running down your cheeks, had Touya seen it as he turned his back on you and opened the door? He had to leave before he changed his mind. 

        "I love you!" You whisper-shouted as the door shut behind his retreating figure. Touya was walking away from the life he knew and walking into a new one where he would become an entirely different man. 

        Had he heard you? 

        You knew you should have gone and woken up your father but something kept you from telling. You trusted your big brother and he had gone away before in the past. Maybe this would just be like those times and he would be back within a day or two. That had to be it. If not, where was he going to go? Even after the door was closed, you couldn't move from the entrance, eyes trained on the door as if he would walk in any minute. 

        This would be the last time you would ever get to hug your brother. 

 Ages: 15 and 21

        It had taken some convincing to be allowed but somehow you got your father to let you attend UA. Today would be your first day and while you were excited, you were scared at the same time. It had never been easy being the daughter of a top hero. It was hard to know when someone really wanted to be your friend versus those who are just sucking up in hopes of meeting your dad. Would that be worse here since these people actually wanted to be heroes? 

        A small sigh left your lips as you brushed a stray tear away. Shoto would be coming here in two years. He was already the pride and joy of your father. You had times where you would doubt whether or not he actually loved you or not. He would rather see you locked up in your room than out. Fuyumi said he was just being overprotective but you weren't so sure. You thought it was because he was ashamed of you. 

        This was to prove him wrong. Was that the wrong reason to become a hero? To prove someone wrong? Maybe...You liked the idea of saving people but the biggest thing pushing you was your father. There was a fire inside of you that yearned to prove him wrong and get his approval. Still, Shoto didn't always have it easier than you. While your father barely paid attention to you, it was rare that he wasn't pushing some training on your younger brother. Ever since your mother...No, you shouldn't think about that. The past would only ever haunt you and cause nightmares. Both the events with your mother and Touya's death. You kept telling yourself that you needed to move forward. Today was a new day. 

        "Hey, are you lost? Whatcha looking for? Maybe we can help you find it!" A loud and booming voice spoke, laced with nothing but kindness. Quickly turning, you were greeted by a blonde boy and a black-haired boy. The blonde had a huge smile on his face while the black-haired one was trying everything he could to keep you from paying attention to him. 

        Instinctively, you tugged at your sleeve to hide your arms even more. People always would look at you weird if they noticed the scars covering your arms. They would judge you, just like everyone does. For once, you wanted someone to be willing to get to know the real you and not assume things because of your appearance and your father's reputation. Even still, the blonde seemed to radiate sunshine and you almost changed your mind on how they would react. Almost. 

        "Oh!" With a small sniffle, you pointed quickly at the main building of UA, "I'm looking for 1-A. This is my first year going here and I guess I'm just a bit nervous. I don't know anyone who is going here so...It's just been one of those days, you know?"

        "Really?! We both are going to 1-A too! We are gonna be in the same class!" The blonde wrapped an arm around his shy partner, pulling him into the conversation whether he wanted to be a part of it or not, "Why don't we walk there together? We'd be happy to be your new friends if you want! The more friends, the better, right Tama-chan?" 

        The black-haired boy didn't respond. 

        This would be your first time ever meeting your two future best friends. Mirio and Tamaki would become almost as close as family to you. How many nights would you end up staying at Mirio's just to stay away from home? Late night walks with Tamaki because you couldn't sleep due to your nightmares? 

        Dabi was making his own friends on the streets, or whatever you could call friends. He was filled with rage and a fire that had only grown since he had left home. He would see clips of his father saving the day and reporters gushing over him. If they knew the truth, they wouldn't be acting like that. Someone just needed to prove it to them. 

        And Endeavor? He deserved to pay for everything he had done to Dabi. He needed to hurt as much as he made Dabi hurt. The older boy knew he wouldn't be able to do that alone and began to make allies in the underground areas of the city. Drug dealers and gang members. He would climb the ladder and become a true villain but everyone had to start somewhere. He would need help to get his revenge and he was okay with playing the long-con.

Ages: 17 and 23

        Civilians were running in a panicked state as fire surrounded them. Screams were all you could hear save for the blood pumping in your ears. As you searched the crowd for a hero, you were greeted with the sight that you were terrified of. There were no heroes in the area. Not yet. They would be here in less than fifteen minutes but you knew how crucial that time could be. 

        Fifteen minutes. 

        As everyone around you ran from the flames, you ran into them. The flames licked at your skin as you entered the chaos but your skin allowed it to glance off of you. You had grown used to the feeling of being burnt due to your own quirk. Deep red scars that followed the patterns of your veins littered your body due to the fire inside of you. In certain lights, your scars could even come out to be slightly purple in color. 

        You had been going to UA for three years now and this was the exact situation you were being trained for. It was this pulling inside of you that lead you towards the danger that made you a real hero. You were a real hero. You wanted to be a real hero...When would a real hero get here?

        "Oh, do we have someone playing a hero here? A schoolgirl come to save the day from the big, bad villain?" Black boots crunched against the gravel of the road, each step as casual as the last as he stalked closer. Burned flesh greeted your eyes as Dabi emerged from the flames. You knew it was him, the blue flames made it obvious. You had seen video footage from the training camp. This was a specific type of fire. This was Hellfire.  

        "You can't do this!" Your hands clenched into fists, veins burning as your emotions began to run wild. You were terrified. This would be the first time you faced a villain by yourself without active-backup on the way. Interning at your father's agency could have its perks but it also meant you never got dangerous tasks. Even with Shoto just starting, your father took him on more hero-like outings. He was playing favorites and it hurt. Did he not think you could be a hero? Were you too weak in his eyes? 

        "Aw, and why not, little Matchstick?" A devilish grin spread over the burnt face, stables keeping the two pieces together as one, "Whose going to stop me? You?" 

        "Yes!" The quiver in your voice alerted to how scared you actually were. Just remember Mirio and Tamaki. Remember how brave they were. You wanted to be just like them and this was the perfect time to do that. They wouldn't run when people were in danger. Even if they were scared, they would go running towards the danger because they were true heroes. Mirio had saved Eri and Tamaki had protected Kirishima more times than you could count. Your heart was telling you to run as it pumped quickly but your feet were planted as if held by concrete. You wanted to be like them. 

        You wanted to be like your dad. 

        "What do you even want?" You continued, hoping to distract the man just long enough for the heroes to make their way here. Maybe Hawks would be the first to arrive. He did have his wings. Perhaps your father could use his flames as he had when fighting the nomu. It didn't matter who the hero was as long as they got there as fast as possible. You would even take Mount Lady, a hero who you had a hard time dealing with. 

        "What do I want? I want what every man wants!" His arms extended as his trenchcoat billowed around him, a crazed look on his face. Fire surrounded the two of you, catching anything that it could on fire.  You could see why the bottom was as tattered as it was as the fire singed the fabric, but if Dabi cared, he didn't show it. 

        The man walked closer to you but you kept yourself in a defensive position. You couldn't run, you could end up leading him right to the majority of panicked citizens who were trying to evacuate. The best course of action, even if it meant you could end up getting hurt, was to stay right where you were. You wanted to be a hero. You were a hero! No matter how your father acted, you were a hero. How many nights had you stayed up late, practicing to control your quirk for moments like this? All you really wanted was for your father to finally see how strong you could be. 

        Ten minutes. 

        Before you knew what was happening, you felt your back hit a hard chest and a hand much larger than your own wrap around your neck. No matter how you struggled, Dabi kept you from escaping with the force he was pressing against your neck. The other hand gripped your chin, forcing you to look up at your assailant.  There was a crazed look in his eyes that were as blue as his flames. It made tears well up in your eyes from fear. 

        The edges of your vision were beginning to blur with the lack of oxygen. Just before you felt your legs begin to give out, the man loosened his grip just enough for you to gasp at the air around you. Coughs filled the air as you dealt with the lack of oxygen as well as smoke that was staining anything it could. 

        "Revenge. That's what I want." His lips whispered next to your ear, causing a chill to run up your spine. This wouldn't be the first time a villain wanted revenge and it wouldn't be the last time. You used all the force you could muster and kicked the villain in the shin.

        This seemed to work as he let you go, but it wasn't for long. He snatched your wrists in one hand while the other went back to its place on your neck. This time he only used enough force to keep you from breathing comfortably. This was starting to look worse and worse for you with each passing moment. Still, you just had to remember heroes were on the way. They would save you. 

        "And you, my Little Matchstick, are perfect for my plan." 

        "Let me go!" Your shrill voice screamed as you felt the flames burst around your wrists, using your own quirk now. A grunt of pain and some mumbled cursing escaped Dabi but instead of losing his grip, you felt a searing pain spread over your own skin. The pain caused you to lose concentration of your quirk, all too focused on the blue flames that the man emitted from his hands. For a split moment, the two of your flames seemed to dance around each other and turn the light a purple like Dabi's scars. 

        The hand at your wrists lit up like a beacon as Dabi's quirk began to come out. Screams would have escaped your lips if not for the hand constricting your breathing which was now burning your neck as well. All you could see was white as the worst pain you had ever felt kept you writhing. The flames began to creep down your arm, spreading towards your body. The hand on your neck reminded you more of an iron as there were no actual flames appearing. Some sick version of a human cattle prod. His hand print would be scarred over your neck, a permanent reminder of this night. 

        The next thing you could remember, you were slumped on the ground like dirty laundry. The world around you was spinning. It was beginning to darken in a mixture of you losing consciousness and smoke as the seconds ticked by. Tears streamed down your face from the pain and ash filling the air. A horrid smell wafted around and you feared that was coming from you. 

        "Come now, the heroes aren't going to save you. They always break their promises, just like villains. Hell, I couldn't tell you how many promises I've broken in this day alone! Heros and villains are one and the same when it comes down to it! The only difference is that villains are seen as a disgrace while heroes are praised for doing publicity stunts!"

        Five minutes. 

        Dabi's boot came crashing down on your throat, pushing as hard as he could. You could feel the heat of life begin to diminish with each passing moment you lacked oxygen. Shouts in the distance could be heard, the heroes were almost here. Yet, they wouldn't be here soon enough. They wouldn't be here to save you. Was this really how you were going to die?

        One particular loud shout registered as your father and for once, you felt grateful that he was around. He didn't even know you were here, you hadn't told him where you had gone after school. Would he be moving faster if he knew you were there? If anyone could save you, it would be him. You wanted to feel his arms wrap around you, holding you and making you feel safe one more time. He could save you. 

        Or at least he could be here as you died.

        "Poor Little Todoroki, it seems like you are going to just miss out on the fun." The rest of the world was blurring and disappearing into the growing darkness, leaving the fire illuminated Dabi as the only thing visible. 

        With a smirk illuminated by the sharp blue flames, you stared up at the eyes that would be the last thing you would ever see. They were eyes that seemed so familiar to you. They were...your father's eyes. No, not your father's. That wouldn't make sense, you weren't hallucinating. No, they were eyes filled with the flames you had only seen in two people before. These were the eyes of the one who had cared for you the most once upon a time. How had it come to this? How could it be true? He wouldn't hurt you but as you lay dying at his feet, you knew there was no denying it. 

        "Dad isn't going to like this, now is he?" 

        They were Touya's. 

#bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia fanfiction #My Hero #my hero academia #my hero academia imagines #my hero academia fanfiction #my hero acadamy #todoroki shoto #endeavor #enji #enji todoroki #dabi #dabi x reader #touya todoroki #touya x reader #touya #todoroki reader #todoroki y/n

[luckysparrowffxiv]

Let’s talk Macros!

⌨ Macroing a song for in game performance can be overwhelming at times. Don’t force yourself. Take your time and take breaks. There are times when many of us love a song we picked, but after listening to it so many times to get timing the song becomes less loved. Keep steady, you’ll do great! 📣

⚠ Disclaimer: This is not in any way a rule of thumb. Nor does anyone have to do these. Some of the listed below may be done a different way. This is only meant as tips or tricks. In the end this should be about the player having fun and expressing their own styles. ⚠

The Macro menu

System > User Macros

✔ You can place macros under ‘Individual’ for your character that you are logged into or ‘Shared’. Shared is for all the characters on your server can access. It’s great to use if you have more than one character that performs. Either way, you can use both sections to fill with macros.

✔ Create a Macro You simply click any number in the fields under ‘individual’ and ‘shared’. Then where the red check mark is in this picture you’ll need to pick an icon from the icon tab. There are ten fields horizontal and vertical. It does not matter what icon or direction you use as long as you know what order to push them for your songs.

✔ You can ‘title’ each macro key with something of a reminder. (Such as #1, time stamp 0:45, a song title or other song directions.) You only get 20 characters in that field. For the body of the macro itself you only get 15 lines.

✔ /macrocancel The most important macro and first one you should make. It will stop an accidentally pressed macro and cancel it. It is also good to follow it with a simple emote such as ‘/me’ with the next line under it to cancel out any motions the macro may have your character doing with persistent or ongoing actions. Once you make the icons, you can drag them to your bars.

✔ /hotbar # display on/off Hides or shows the selected hotbar. Side note: You can change classes in mid performance, if you are using hot bar #1, to gain more hot bars if you need them. Or press the arrow up or down key next to your hot bar to flip through the other bars. Some performers just place all the bars around their screen. It is up to you. ✔ Other things If you need a reminder of what outfit you are using for that song, place it on your bar! If you need to start off a song /sitting before the first macro or doing another action, place it on your bar! You can also place a dance on there, so if you miss a macro mid song. Just /songbird it!  And pick up the song at the next macro. ✔ Prisms These can be placed on your hot bars but they can not be macroed. Some will not interrupt your persistent emotes and some do. ✔ /micon “Name” [emote/blueaction/minion] Changes the icon to a selected emote icon, blue mage action, or minion outside of using what is in the macro menu to choose from. For all other battle actions, leave out the specifier at the end. Example: /micon "Bad Breath" blueaction or /micon “En Avant” ✔ Macros tips Start at just 6-7 lyric lines and then add in around them your emotes, actions or cooldowns to see if you can fit more! There will be another tip post on those to come! ✔ Save your Macro If you make any changes to a macro, click on another macro and click back to 'save' the change before executing it again. Think of it like refreshing or reloading a page. 🍀Stay Lucky!🍀 We hope this is helpful and adds to your fun!  We’ll post about timing, emotes, and wait timers and more in an upcoming post. There is so much more things to share! 🍀 Lucky Sparrow Entertainment Troupe 🍀    general info | staff & recruitment | posters

#ffxiv #ff14 #Tips and tricks #Lucky Sparrow #macro help #live performing #create your own style! #have fun!

[vampire-wizard-solidarity]

haha so while ur talking abt pre-pafl ferry songs may i ask whats ur opinion on hack writer :0 ? im like. SOOOO obsessed with the inclusion of catallus 16 in it

hack writer is great !!!

honestly i like hack writer in the sense that i like how much there is to think about there, from the visuals to the actual lyrics in the song, to the title etc etc. i generally really love art about art, it feels kind of personal, seeing a person’s take on what they’re actively doing.

i like how hack writer seems to both condemn and endorse “indulging”, it feels less like a song with a specific point and more of a musical “rant” of sorts. the end explicitly says “no idea what all of this means, but i will keep on dancing”, like a pledge to keep making art despite not knowing how or what should that art look like.

to me it’s a song about not being sure of how to make art, despite wanting to, there’s a conflict between writing something down to earth vs making the deadline, writing something indulgent vs writing something profound.

to me catallus 16 signifies a kind of a challenge: “well, this is art, so why can’t you just put out things like this? why can’t this be your art?”. ultimately the song is about creativity and creating despite any conflicts that arise as a result of how you choose (or have to choose) to create, even if the main character ends up in a kind of defeated state because they yet again fail to strike a balance. that defeat is kind of not a bad one: yes, art is like repeatedly bashing your head against the wall and expecting different results, but hey, that’s just life.

i also like the covered eyes as a symbol. creativity does often feel like blindly going for an idea having no clue how it will turn out, and surely sometimes that means running into walls, and sometimes it turns out really cool!

overall good song i like

#ferry #vocaloid #hack writer #hope you didn’t mind me going on a lil analysis tirade here #never tried verbalising my thoughts on hack writer before so thought this would be an opportunity #i also like the unique sound of hack writer #i feel like that sound is present in later songs too but it’s more subdued #in hack writer it comes on very heavy and is the main focus #good stuff

[sheepibum]

{ Re:Zero Fic Masterlist }

I said I'd make one to keep track of all my projects for this fandom, since it honestly got me through most of last year's lockdown. I will be super slow in getting anything done, but this is probably one of the series I've found easy to write, so there's hope!

The list is pretty damn long so it's under the cut.

[Standalone]

⚜ please don’t call this ‘gardening’ [Complete]

Summary: Love rattles in his lungs.

A hanahaki AU, bc I love suffering.

⚜ this purgatory between hells [i have bits and pieces]

Summary: While Subaru builds ladders out of his own mortality, those who wish to save him are doomed to slide down the snakes born from their failures. (Or, the various failures of the Subaru faction.)

Written mostly for me, might count as attempt #1 at writing some sort of ‘reaction’ fic, except for the part that, instead of a theater we have an empty, blank space in which some characters relevant to the plot, rather than see what Subaru has been through, are allowed to have their memories from the if timelines and their goal is to keep Subaru from going off the rails like that, which, as you can probably guess from the number of existing ifs, doesn’t always work. It doesn't make much sense if I explain it, huh? :/

⚜ a little glow and dance [concept only]

Summary: Subaru dies, a minor spirit wakes up and falls in love too many times to count, Subaru returns to fulfill a promise; in that order.

To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,

Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—

T. S. Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

Right, so I don’t want to spoil the whole thing, but basically after Subaru dies, a minor spirit is adopted by people who miss him because it reminds them of him.

⚜ To Sin, Perchance to Grieve [concept only]

Summary: In a familiar, unfamiliar dream, Subaru is confronted by those who made different choices. A madman, a despot, a coward, a pervert, a tool, an idiot—all of them wearing Subaru’s face.

Subaru has a ‘conversation’ with the if’s assortment of Subarus, who blame him (of course) for not becoming them.

⚜ The Days of Our End [concept only]

Summary: This is just an ending, not the worst, not the best, not even truly worth writing about. But it’s the ending Subaru achieved, after all his sacrifices; an ending he’s not sure he’s satisfied with, with the thrumming in his chest constantly beating ‘you should have done better’ against his ribs.

Well, at some point before finishing Arc 6, I got thinking about a ‘neutral ending’, as in videogames good/bad/true ending, this was one when you don’t complete all the missions you should and get stuck in a meh ending. Lots of consequences and weird ships bc I decided I wanted to have fun with Lugunica’s views on relationships.

⚜ The WC Insider (Issue #664 How To Live Love Laugh With Your New Archbishop!) [concept only]

Summary: Subaru is feeling a terrible cocktail of pity, second-hand embarrasment and morbid fascination, because he knew everyone who had made a conscious decision to join something like the Witch Cult had to be a bit touched in the head, but how are these people still alive? That title alone should be grounds for execution via firing squad.

Otto, accurately interpreting his silence as only a friend, nay, a best friend could, cringed in his chair.

“Please don’t mention the title, I tried bringing it up, but apparently is all they have left of their deceased leader so they don’t want to change it.”

“Wow, their leader was an asshole.”

Just pure crack. AU, most likely taking place right after Arc 3, where Subaru decides to infiltrate the Witch Cult, which somehow is a bigger mess than he is. Inspired by a discord conversation!

⚜ Kindertotenlieder [0/2]

Summary: Songs on the Death of Children, and the nightmares that haunt (as they should) those who do not know that the child in question should be mourned.

A second attempt at not writing a react fic, sort of. So, basically, a bunch of characters have nightmares about some of Subaru’s bad endings without any context whatsoever and don’t exactly take it well. That’s it, that’s the whole plot.

⚜ for those lost and those lesser [3/3] [Complete]

Summary: Crusch loses herself, Subaru loses Rem; briefly, they find each other.

In the end, everyone is aware of this: nobody keeps any of what he has, and life is only a borrowing of bones. Pablo Neruda, “October Fullness”

My Crusch/Subaru fic for the Re:Zero Gift Exchange. It's another sad introspection stream of thoughts, tho. :/ At least it was fun to try to write Crusch.

◾◽◾◽◾◽◾

[Multichapter Fic]

🌠⚡ Start, From Minus [3/5]

Summary: Freshly isekai’d Subaru runs into a master swordman who saves him, and gets involved in the Royal Selection of Lugunica in order to help his employer. All of that sounds the same, save for the fact that everything is different.

Or: six months before his supposed otherworldly adventure should have begun, Subaru ends up being summoned to the Vollachia Empire, meets a Divine General and starts hacking away at the plot.

This fic came to me in a vision.

No, but really. I had just finished reading the if stories, with Wrath being my favorite by far, when I had the fortune of stumbling upon a comic with a small AU ft. Subaru and Cecilius (thanks, pixiv); I, of course, have no idea what the comic was about bc I can’t read Japanese kanji, but it made an Impression on me and next thing I knew I had devoted a few hours every day for a week in a draft that was the most complete draft I have ever put to paper; for reference, my ‘drafts’ tend to look like this:

While the draft I wrote down for this thing looks like this:

I need to revise and edit the whole thing, but I have a good 18k words written already, so it’s definitely happening at some point. Also, no wonder I have such a hard time cleaning up my drafts, huh? Ugh.

update: I have finished posting the chapters that I had in my draft, so updates will be very slow, unless I get another vision or something, idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

◾◽◾◽◾

[Series]

🌺 flowers for you

💐 for you to be spring [10/10] [Complete]

Summary: Soul marks appear in pairs and each pair blooms only once; these are the things Subaru learns: an important person, an important event, an once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. As if Subaru should be so lucky.

A soulmate AU, bc it's one of my weaknesses. Also, flowers as soul marks bc flowers and flower language are two other weaknesses I have. The last chapter should be up in a couple of hours or so.

🍁 I’ll dig a grave for fall [7/7; in hiatus until we get more Ifs]

Summary: These bouquets of poisonous flowers bloom whether he wants it or not because such is the nature of the world he has been summoned to—it is only fair that Subaru answers in kind.

Soulmate AU, but for the If stories. It should be fun, but like in the masochistic sense. But this is a re:zero fic, so it's pretty much expected.

I have tentative titles for at least another 3 ifs (envy, vainglory and melancholy, if we ever get them), and titles for the next two installments of the series for Arc 5-6 and Arc 7 and beyond (if we ever get them animated).

◾◽◾◽◾

🍒 the minor sin of indulgence

🌙 the difference between starlight and moonshine [0/5]

Summary: The shenanigans of Natsuki Subaru and friends when they’re not busy fighting for their (but mostly his) lives. (Or: a collection of self-indulgent minifics using the overused tropes and AUs I should despise, but am actually weak to. )

Well, this one’s exactly what it says on the tin. My parody ABO fic is going to be here.

🎭 I’ll find you believing I’ll be found [4/10]

Summary: These may be different worlds, but they still manage to find each other, for better or worse.

Crossover AUs, in which I shove the Re:Zero cast into the world of some other series and watch them struggle with it, so far with terrible results, but at least one of these AUs will be sort of happier, I promise.

🌟 just a little bit of blood in your hands [0/5]

Summary: A medley of heroes and villains and everything in between with familiar faces, where anyone can wear a mask whether it suits them or not, and not everyone manages to be on the right side of anything for long.

Heroes & Villains Aus, mostly with superpowers, Subaru-centric and Reinhard-centric because I say so. At least one is heavily inspired by the Tiger & Bunny’s brand of heroics.

👑 Coins in a Wishing Well [3/5]

Summary: It’s common knowledge by now that stories repeated a thousand times are like an invasive species; they can dig their roots where you least expect it and wrap their vines around whichever actors they fancy to be retold.

Fantasy AUs! From ghosts to gods to fairy tale retellings, and probably my favorite stories so far. A couple of these are already half-written.

update: finally posted what is my favorite chapter so far! It's a Beaty and the Beast retelling! I worked very hard on it!!

◾◽◾◽◾

💟 the shameless raisuba major sin of decadence

Right, so this 'series' is just to have somewhere to dump my raisuba fics, no-plot-just-feels raisuba fics, mostly AU raisuba fics. Low effort/high shipping needs fics written by me for me about my rarepair of choice for this fandom :)

💗 To Have and To Hoard [i dunno, i have exactly one scene and a half and it feels like it’s half done]

Summary: So maybe falling in bed with his overpowered knight friend wasn’t the best idea Subaru had ever had, but he really couldn’t think of a safer place to hide for a little while before he died horribly again. Of course, in true Subaru fashion, Subaru goes on to not die like a champ after that.

This is the first bad plotbunny I had for this ship and now I must write it. Please expect it to be every bit as bad as it sounds. Sorry in advance.

💖 The Broom Waltz [i have the beginning and the end and no idea what to do in the middle]

Summary: A story in which Subaru is a loyal servant and Reinhard is looking for the next Queen, but with a twist (or: the Cinderella remix).

I mean, it is inspired by the fairy tale, but there’s technically no magic in this one so I couldn’t put it in my fantasy AUs.

💘 someone will call you love (this is how it begins) [Complete]

Summary: Reinhard gets lovingly smacked into next week with the holy frying pan of smitten (not to be confused with the holy frying pan of smiting).

Because once, while watching the end of the first arc for the hundredth time, I thought to myself: one day I am going to writea shippy retelling of this shoujo worthy second meeting, and that is a threat. And here we are.

I managed to finish this one for the 2022 Iridescent Pride event, but it unfortunately lost all the crack it was supposed to have in the process; it got kind of sad, sorry.

💝 with all the pieces of the broken-hearted [1/5]

Summary: Their hearts and the ways they both have broken are entirely different, but there’s something to be said for how they still manage to build something out of their wreckages.

This is the self-indulgent pit, the bottom of the barrel for my need to ship these two, low brain/low effort minifics with terrible plots and more ‘well I think it’d be funny’ than sense. Like, if someone was going to arrest me for fic crimes, it’d be because of this thing. One chapter is finished, so I will be uploading something soon-ish.

There, first chapter is up and it's all downhill from here.

#re:zero #the sheep writes #sheepibum does more than rant #raisuba #reinsuba #updated post

[lilyclawthorne]

Hunting Palismen Thoughts

y'all I absolutely loved this episode

oh we're JUMPING right in with day of unity stuff huh. we didn't go from 0 to 10 we started at 10.

anyways, starting off, this whole thing is fascinating to me. I mean this literally looks like a small human city. who are the worthy that get to live here according to belos. if its a unification of the realms, what happens to the humans? do they live here too? how does this affect society?? so many questions

kiki is pissed and im starting to predict that the reason Lilith, GG, and Kiki were all apart of the same slide in the title isn't because Lilith will slide backwards like some were worried about, but that all three of them are people who will have betrayed the emperor at some point

what the fuck is belos. the thumping/punching he made was in time with the beat of a heart. makes me think of the heart behind his throne and how are they connected.

UNCLE?? OUR FAMILY IS GONE BECAUSE OF WILD MAGIC??

TITLE CARD CHANGES AHHH

oh im so worried amity's not there because her mom's mad about her hair. that being said, some of the students here I assumed were a bit older (like jerbo and viney) and ed & em also aren't here. could potentially be that their parents didn't want any of them involved with this palismen adoption? or maybe im trying hard to be hopeful she's not in huge trouble over the hair

FREWIN!! this is the outcome for the little guy in Bump's head is better than anything I could've thought of. Aside from his legitimate use of helping Bump see, I am curious though if this is a bit of a "hidden in plain sight" kind of thing as well to protect the little guy.

PALISMAN ADOPTION DAY!! I WAS RIGHT!! I guessed the forest palismen would get adopted and I'm so glad about it.

I love Eda's blazer. She's trying to look professional. I love that this is what she planned on her favor from BQ being. Just to help out some young witches and some lost palismen. She cares so much 🥺

ok but if the unification of the realms does end up happening, I totally see Gus being an ambassador to the human realm.

There's a lot of attention of Luz here, and I'm just imagining how a similar situation might've gone down on the human realm. I don't blame her for getting anxious here, because I feel like in the past attention like this would've gone far worse at her school. I appreciate that most people here are just calm asking questions that are intended to help (except you Boscha) or Eda just checking in on her.

"I've read stories like this, the main character always has to return home" very interesting. seeing how this show has emphasized how life isn't like fiction.

Eda's just listening in like a mom concerned about her child

Tired Luz is adorable.

LMAO WHY IS GG WHISTLING THE THEME SONG

These two have such an insane amount of sibling energy I love it. This situation? Me and my brothers have done this way too many times.

uh so can a coven mark actually be removed?? since the EC one is also on the wrist but Lilith definitely hasn't been seen with anything there? that's kind of a relief since I was worried that since coven marks can help control magic that her still having one could be bad for her

It's not unsurprising that GG, as a powerless witch, would be interested in wild magic and Luz's glyphs. the kind of stuff you don't need a bile sac for. that kinda sucks he knows there's something out there he probably could use, but isn't allowed to do so

Hunter!! I don't need to do a name meaning here this one's obvious. Also, this boy's gonna crack and swap sides I can tell.

This is the most shit-eating grin I think I've ever seen on Eda. She's so proud of herself and she should be!

I also love this because we literally started this show with Luz helping Eda and King rob the conformatorium, and now we're at King and Eda robbing somewhere to do something special for Luz 🥺

Kiki and GG are so petty with each other, it's not just Kiki and Lilith. This is the whole workplace dynamic isn't it.

GG's room design definitely came from the Lilith bedroom design didn't it. Also I love the little Sprig plush!! I think that's a Big City Greens reference in there too but I've never watched that show.

I am very concerned about him and this palisman too. Not about him but just about Belos finding the palisman.

My one other thing I wanted to mention is I definitely feel like I'm seeing more and more disability metaphor in the show. If we see Eda's curse and her subsequent loss of a power as a disability, then GG/Hunter being born without magic could be considered a disability too. He's only been given access to one way of doing magic and it seems to limit him, he's being cut off from a different way of doing magic, the glyphs that Eda is learning, which clearly seem to be able to allow the user to do magic almost anywhere and could be more effective than Belos' artificial magic.

I'm also curious about Bump, he has the kind of palisman Belos wants to do away with, but it's not just a way to do magic for him. It's an aide for his vision. Belos' ideals would also be taking away something from him or other witches who may also be using their palismen as an aide.

#hunting palismen #toh #the owl house #owl house

[yvainegelinemarie]

The bois tell MC how proud they are of your hardwork and they see you giving your all!!

𝚨𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖒𝖞 𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌: ✨ ALL my writing prompts are gender inclusive and promote love, kindness and fun for all! 

✨I know that each and every one of our boys would love and support each and everyone of you and I hope that my readings portray that comforting, accepting and loving nature through and through~ 

✨And with that I hope you Spookies enjoy~~

☪ 𝕱𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒: Mr. Love Queen’s Choice

☪ 𝕽𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌:13+ No Warnings, Fluff, Encouraging, A Pick Me Up. 

☪ 𝕱𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖙 : Quick Read, bullet points

𝚨𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗'𝖘 𝚴𝖔𝖙𝖊: I have been feeling kind of low and crummy these past few days trying really hard to put myself out there to chase after a dream of mine and I wasn’t expecting to be really hit hard with so many highs and lows and when it seems like you are stepping out of your comfort zone and facing your biggest fears at 90 to nothing there are a lot of times that you just need to crawl into someone's arms and to just let them tell you that you are good enough and that they see you working hard.

So for anyone else who has been trenching through this tough year and trying out new things that may scare you half to death, I want you to know that your favorite boy see’s you kicking ass and that he’s well, proud of you. 

Even if you have one particular boy as your go to I suggest checking them all out since each of them have different types of encouragement of different types of situations. Or at least read the one you feel like fits what you need to hear the most right now (and well, of course your fav.)

VICTOR | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 01

✨For those who are struggling with reaching their dreams✨

Hell knows when was the last time you have had a good night's sleep.

You couldn’t help but to be on your toes now glued to your computer screen in your darkened bedroom.

Completely unaware of the sun slowly creeping its way through the blinds.

This project was something you had only dreamed about producing years ago,

and in 3 days it was going to be launched to the public. You have done plenty of projects before but never something as passionate and as close to home as this one was.

This project was taking out a deeper side of you that you have never shown before and deep down you knew that it was time for you to express it. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t spend the last 4 months terrified of the outcome.

Your tired eyes reread the entry over and over again as each time you only feel your heart grow more and more anxious and your eyes fill up with tears. Can I really share this with the world? What if people think that this is all fake? Will I really be able to accept the criticism?

With your mind running on it’s own you missed your phone vibrating next to you. You had already received 3 miss calls from Victor in just the last 30 minutes.

It wasn’t until the ding of the voicemail that you snapped back to reality. 

Sliding your lock screen open and taking in a deep breath, ready for whatever lecture Victor was going to throw at you next.

In the Voicemail Victor’s voice opened with a deep sigh. “You better not be asleep, especially after you promised to have breakfast with me this morning. I’ll be arriving at your apartment in 20 minutes, you better be ready du-”

His words were cut off when you were startled by your phone ringing again, seeing victor’s name pop up on the caller ID. You quickly glanced down at the time on the voicemail that was sent 23 minutes ago?! Why did your phone just now decide to remind you?! You knew now from Victor’s call that it meant that he had arrived and you, racoon eyed, sleep deprived and still in your clothes from the day before felt a rush of tears swell up in your throat.

You were so focused on this project that you completely forgot about something that you were looking forward to so excitedly just a few months ago. 

You answered Victor’s call and brought the phone to your ear. “Dummy, don’t tell me that you just now woke up?” Victor said in his usual stern and playful tone. You choked on your tears before letting out a little hic. “I-I’m sorry…” You said brokenly as you heard the sound of shuffling, the click of Victor’s seat belt unbuckling and the slam of his car door followed by a soft beep indicating him locking it. “Why are you crying?” His voice instantly became concerned as he was quickly heading into your apartment complex. 

“I-I don’t want to talk about it...it’s silly.”

“Nothing is silly if it’s making you cry so early in the morning. When I get to your apartment, tell me what is bothering you.” He said bluntly, leaving you no room to make excuses like always. Even in times like this Victor was sure that he was going to effectively fix your problem. 

When he arrived at your apartment you slowly opened the door with your head hung down low as you looked just like you did moments before, sniffling softly. 

Victor gently put his hand on yours causing you to open the door quickly before embracing you in a hug as his soft, deep voice tickled your ear. “Dummy, don’t tell me you stayed up all night working?” He said as you hugged his suit jacket tightly, feeling his heartbeat against yours, his was a bit more fast paced. He must have been really worried, you thought before he let out a large sigh. “You always do this,” his soft voice continued. “Working all day and all night when your projects are close to the end. I know that you want to make sure that everything is right...but i've told you this before, there is no need to bear all of this on your own. Let me know when you are stressed.”

You squeezed his jacket lightly as you looked up at him, tears streaming down his face. “You don’t get it Victor. “Someday I want to be just as great as you. I want to be hardworking, successful, a-and I want to be proud of what I do. I want you to be proud of me too.” Your voice sunk as your hands slipped off his large back to rub your tired eyes.

Victor let out a deep sigh before lifting your face up to his.

“Dummy, you think I got to become this successful overnight? And just because I am good at handling my money doesn’t mean that I am good at everything. After all, I didn’t check up on you enough or tell you how great you really are.”

“What do you mean?” You questioned before getting cut off by a smooth and minty kiss as Victor’s lips warmed yours. He pulled away slowly as his silvered eyes observed yours intensely. “You are already great ____. And the only way for you to get better is to have confidence in yourself. As long as you are doing everything in your power to succeed, then you will. That and I am already very proud of you dummy, so you should be proud of you too.” 

Your eyes lit up widely as you were left at a loss for words. Victor was complimenting you! “I-” You didn’t have much time to speak before you were swept up into his arms and led over to your bed as your cheeks flushed red. “U-um Victor?” You said.

 “We're not doing that this early in the morning.” He said with a sigh before placing you on your bed lightly. “Get some rest.” He added pulling back the covers on your bed.

“But what about our breakfast date?” You stuttered out as you didn’t want to miss this opportunity. 

“We can go another time. And I’ll just cook you something here while you catch up on a bit of sleep.” He said with a soft smile.

“Ah...Okay...but…” You trailed off as his smile faded away.

“What?” He said with his arms crossed.

“Well, it’s just that I really wanted to eat at that restaurant...since you talked so highly of it last time. N-not that I don’t like your cooking I like it a lot it is just that-” 

Victor then let out a deep chuckle as your cheeks flustered up.

“Dummy, I know someone who cooks as bad as you isn’t criticizing my cooking. And we will eat at the restaurant next week, as a celebration for you completing your project.”

You blinked softly in shock before brushing your hair back. “Isn’t it a bit early to be making a promise like that?” You said softly. 

“Not at all. Because I know that you will finish it, AND I know that you will do well.” He said with a handsome smile as you felt your confidence slowly start to build back up.

Victor was right, you are great and you just need to have faith in yourself that things are going to work out for you in so many beautiful ways.

After all if it wasn’t for your assertiveness and strength you wouldn’t be where you are today. 

You pulled the covers close to you falling asleep almost instantly.

When 30 minutes had passed you were woken up to the song of birds greeting the sun and the lavish smell of a french styled breakfast.

After a quick shower and a change of clothes you join Victor in your small quiet kitchen surrounded by an array of foods that you are completely in awe of. You can’t believe that you had all the ingredients in your kitchen to make this?!

Crepes cooked to perfection with your topping of choice sat neatly on your plate with a summer colored mimosa delectly placed beside it. In the center of your small table was an arrangement of different types of bread, each piece carefully sliced next to small glass bowls of butter, honey, and two hand made jams. One sweet and strawberry while the other was citrusy and tangy. 

“You made all this?” You said to Victor as you slowly sat down. 

“Of course, I wanted to make a breakfast that suits you individually. It would have been grander. But given the time and limited space. This was all I could do. I hope you like it.” He added. 

“Yes...Yes I do! It is very lovely Victor…” You say calmly while your heart beats with excitement. 

“You truly are worth something this luxurious.” Victor’s calm and creamy voice says to you amongst your meal as you can’t help but to smile and nod softly in agreement, for he was absolutely right.

SHAW | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 02

✨For those who failed and need to pick themselves back up✨

This is it, you finally decided to try to go back to college. 

You figured that having some sort of title might help you gain some more rep when you go off to meetings with other executives andddd it wouldn’t hurt to learn a new skill or two that might help you with your growing career.

But who would have known that an entrance exam and thousand word essay would be so fucking hard to write?!

You already reread the prompt question a hundred times and were still facing the devil of writer's block. Staring at the blank page for hours and hours as your mind just kept wondering off to the chorus of the last song you heard. 

Normally back in high school you would have just stepped away and tried to start writing it tomorrow...or the day after...or maybe the night of (usually the night of) but now you really didn’t have any other time to write this paper unless it was right now!

Because you still had a job to do. There is absolutely no other time that you can squeeze in to write this paper unless you are writing it right the F now!! 

You ruffle up your hair in frustration and stomp your feet Come on stupid brain!!! Just give me something to fucking write!!! You curse at yourself only to find that it slumps you into a cycle of self depreciation.

Am I really so dumb that I can’t even easily pass a college eterance exam? Even Shaw makes straight A’s and he spends all of his time running from the cops in alley ways or playing hooky at the bar all night long. 

You lay your head down on the keyboard of your laptop as the letter h just types itself quickly across the pages where your essay should be. You let out a long sigh, laying there in silence as not a single thought floats by.

You soon sit back up, convincing yourself that if you start writing out nonsense then maybe something will come to mind. You then take a long stretch before tapping your hand down lightly on the keyboard. Then you hear the dreadful click of your mouse. 

Your eyes watch in doom as the essay page filled with the letter H soon disappears and a happy “Thank you for submitting your application to Loveland University.” pops up. 

Your heart then sinks to your ass. No way...no way!...NO WAY!! 

You quickly rise up from your chair as your breathing grows heavier and heavier. You feel your eyes foaming up with tears. Your one last opportunity is now completely screwed up all because your hand slipped?!?

Covering your mouth you begin to sob uncontrollably. Everything about today was going wrong and this was just the cherry on top. 

As you stood there crying Shaw had walked into the apartment with his skateboard and backpack in hand, sitting them down at the front entrance.

“Hey, Babe. I’m home.” His charming voice startles you. Oh great, you thought nowhere near ready to approach him about this. 

“Hey?” He says again as he makes his way through the apartment. “Where are you at?” 

Once he finds you sobbing in your office his expression turned forgien with concern.

Shaw is the WORST when it comes to comforting you but you knew that he tried his best to make you feel better. 

“Woah, woah...Babe...baby, why are we crying? What’s goin’ on?” He walks over to you, his arms open and ready to embrace you in a tight hug. 

The coolness of his leather jacket chills your heated face as you sob on his shoulder. He lets out a calming sigh as his hand rubs up and down your back, letting you get out all of your much needed cry. 

When you reach your composure enough to talk you explain to him between sniffles what had happened. Your self deprecation building up more and more before Shaw shakes his head no. 

“Hey now, stop talking shit about my girlfriend okay, only I can do that.” He said as you blink at him confused. 

“W-what?” You stumble on your word as Shaw leans over to wipe a tear off your eye. 

“Well I think that you’re really cool, and smart. And if someone like me can pass that entrance exam you can too ___.” He said.

“B-But I submitted my essay by accident already.” You lower your head defeated, ready to cry again as Shaw lets out a light chuckle before ruffling your hair.

“You know that we can call the administration and let them know what happened. They will see that it was an accident and let you submit it again. Mistakes happen babe but the longer you sit on them the longer it will take to get over them. The school doesn’t close until 8. So you have 4 hours to call them and get it fixed.” He said calmly as you nodded quietly.

Shaw was right, this was a mistake yes, and also a bit embarrassing. But it is human to make them, and everyone does. And when you make a mistake like this, dwelling on it is only holding you back from achieving your goals. 

You raised your head and clenched your fists confidently. “You’re right! For once.” You said to him.

“Hey!” Shaw laughs as he pushes you lightly causing you to giggle as well. You two playfully push one another back, poking at each other and slipping out silly names before Shaw’s arms wrap around your waist.

He kisses you lightly on the lips before smiling sweetly. “You got this, I know you do.” He said as you couldn’t help but to agree with him.

And sure enough the university understood your dilemma and sent you a new registration. 

GAVIN | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 03 

✨For those who struggle to let go of the past✨

You knew how this was going to play out. After all you have seen it time and time before.

And now you can’t help but to get a little discouraged at the disappointment that this was going to bring you. 

The past already proved it to be true after all. 

Countless failed outcomes have led you only to conclude one thing.

That this dream of yours was going to end up in complete and total failure.

But even if that was the only logical outcome you could think of you still couldn’t fight the feeling in your heart that was telling you that this WAS right. 

Yet, now here you were, stuck in limbo and unable to move forward. 

You sighed looking at your notes, you had always dreamed of one day that you would get to start your own business. Now not to read you wrong, you did love working as the CEO of your fathers company but it was seeing him build his business from the ground up that inspired you to one day do the same. 

You have spent as long as you can think back to. Brainstorming ideas, doodling logo designs and daydreaming about something that you could call your own.

And now here they come, those heart-wrenching thoughts from the past ready to quiz you and make you think, am I really good enough to have this dream? Do I deserve it? 

All those past experiences of people questioning your skills, telling you that you aren’t prepared enough and that you’d never be able to be the person you dreamed of just makes you want to curl up into a ball and give up. 

Even for a moment the thought of maybe they ARE right, floods in and you feel yourself wanting to cry, believing in it just for a moment as your ego tries to back up the negativity with ‘facts’ to prove it. 

You crawl your way back into bed heartbroken and honestly just wishing that all your thoughts, good and bad, would just fade away.

You pull the covers over your face as you begin to sniffle as your throat clumps up, ready for the tears to fall from your eyes.

And right on que they do. You bundle up closer and closer to yourself, sitting in silence with the haunting memories of the past.

You soon feel the bed sink down a bit before a warm hand runs it’s way up and down your side.

You choke on your tears more, knowing that it is Gavin and there was no hiding your tears from him now.

You felt the warmness of his body tower over you as his lips pecked the top of your head through the covers. 

“When you are ready to talk about it, I’m here okay.” He said to you quietly.

Gavin continued to rub your back in the silence of your room waiting patiently for you to collect yourself enough to talk to him. 

And after a good 30 minute cry session you slowly sat up before pulling Gavin into a warm embrace. Sniffling into his neck as he just gently pressed his lips to your shoulder. “You know ___, when you are hurting like this...I don’t want you to keep it from me okay? I’ll help you through this.” He spoke to you in a gentle voice. 

You slowly pulled from your hug as you wiped your eyes and began spilling out your heart to him. Telling him about everything. Every past encounter that has left you hurt and how you like to think that you have grown and gotten over the pain but it is moments like this that it just all comes back up again and you feel like you are right back to where you started. 

Gavin’s caramel eyes watched you quietly as he listened to you greatly, taking in your pain as if it was his own. You could tell that he truly understood and got you and that he really knew how badly it was hurting you.

And after a moment he spoke up. 

“The past can be painful sometimes, but it’s there to help us learn and grow. And you can’t ever know how something is really going to play out in the future either.” He said calmly. “All you really can do is take little steps now to lead you to the future you want. Don’t let it get the best of you okay? I know that you will do great. And I will be here to support you through it all.” 

He was right, all those times that people told you that you weren't enough, or looked at you like you were crazy. All those failed attempts and embarrassing moments, they were all there to teach you that you are great! And that you are very much worthy of your hopes and dreams!

Gavin leaned over to pick your notes up off of your nightstand as he studied them closely, a sweet smile on his lips. 

“I might not know much on how to start your own business, but just seeing this idea, I know that it is going to help so many people. You should go through with it.”

“B-but what if it fails?” You say with your head down.

“Well then we will just figure out the root of the problem, fix it, and move forward.” He said as you quickly looked up to see Gavin’s handsome smile as your eyes started to water again, but this time with happy tears.

Because now here you were, taking on your dreams, with someone who has always believed in you, and who has never once questioned just how amazing you truly are.

LUCIEN | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 04 

✨For those who rob themselves of fun✨

You were so excited to sit in at an exclusive lecture that you have been begging Lucien to take you to for months now. It was an introduction class to understanding Quantum Mechanics. A subject that racked your brain,but in a good way. 

And even though Lucien’s undergraduate degree was in biochemistry;he was still fairly knowledgeable and greatly enjoyed physics, and with that happily obliged to accompany you. 

You were filled with anticipation and the utmost excitement. Swaying your feet beneath your seat with anticipation as the instructure took his place at the podium. 

He was an older gentleman with a rustic and well uniformed style. His caramel colored suit complemented his toffee skin. His visible laugh lines and crow's feet along with his brightly colored red bow tie,symbolized a man who lived a full and prosperous life. And even now with no head of hair and whispers of grey singing through his beard expressed that same song of legacy and abundance through him. 

You were thoroughly impressed by the wise looking man whose hands were clasped behind his back patiently waiting for students to fill the seats before glancing at Lucien’s young and smooth features. Only to notice that he had been watching you the entire time, lips curled with his hand pressed closely against them. 

You panic for a moment waving your hands and covering your face. “S-stop looking so intensely at me.” You say as Lucien’s princely chuckle caused your heart to ache. 

“I can’t help it...You just look so excited. Like a silly little kid in a candy store.” he said before letting out a teasing sigh. “I am a bit upset that you never look this excited when you come to see my lectures.” He said crossing his arms and looking away from you with a sorrow filled expression.

“T-That’s not true! I love going to your lectures Lucien.” You said proudly. “It’s just that..well...sometimes it’s hard to understand...since you teach such an advanced class.” You say admitting defeat as you lower your head.

“I see…” Lucien said softly looking at you once more. “Then next time I’ll be sure to explain them to you in a way that you can enjoy and understand.” He said before lightly brushing your hair behind your ear. 

You glanced up for a moment to see Lucien’s gentle smile but before you could say anything the professor at the stand began his lesson. 

The first 30 minutes of the lesson went by in a breeze as the professor recapped on the basic understanding of quantum mechanics and the movement of an electron. These were all things that you have heard from Lucien before and even information you yourself have researched and understood. You happily listened, jotting down notes between cute doodles of bunnies and flowers as Lucien would occasionally add a cute butterfly or heart to your scribbles. 

“Hey.” You said in a soft whisper swatting his hand away playfully. “You of all people should know better. Don’t draw in class.” You teased him as Lucien couldn’t help but to laugh. 

“Your bunny looked lonely. I wanted them to have a friend.” He said in a soft voice, amongst the lecture it was almost too hard to hear, as you glanced over to see that Lucien had his notes displayed as well. 

You weren’t surprised to see how minimal and organized they were. His tablet was exposed with a series of information already written out as he was just adding to pre existing notes he had already written before the lecture started.

They were all neatly organized with his straight lined handwriting and not a single ounce of color or doodle was on them. Just a simple shade of light where certain words were ‘highlighted’ as important.

They look so professional. You thought as Lucien picked up his stylist and calmly added a bit of information to them. You watched him in awe for a moment, the way he was resting his hand on his chin,the engagement in his eyes and the way he quickly jotted down the information in tune with the professor's quick voice. It was clear that he had done this for a while and that he was good at his routined way of note taking. 

When you finally snapped out of your trance you noticed how quickly the professor was on a new topic from the last thing you had written down and glancing at your notes once more than the black board ahead of you. You realized that you were so far behind that the information you had written wasn’t even on the board anymore! 

For a moment you were ready to panic until you realized your position. You weren't in school anymore so taking notes wasn’t essential.

And with that you began to zone off again, letting your egotistical thoughts build up and up. The elder man before you had spent his whole life, in your opinion, becoming something great. He went off to college, got a degree, became an educator and he knew so much!! Even Lucien who just at the age of 26 became a well renowned neuroscientist! Yet here you were...the one who took over their fathers business. You started thinking about all the times an episode idea didn’t even make it past the first meeting with Victor and how you almost lost the entire funding of your show! You sunk down in your seat, spinning the ink of your pen over one of the cute bunnies...Was I ever good at anything? You wallowed to yourself unaware that Lucien’s soft glances were reading you like a book. 

He knew instantly that you were down. The way you were slouching, the unconscious pout on your lips, your eyes shining;trying to hold back tears, and the way your feet stopped patting with excitement from under the table. 

After the lecture was over and you and Lucien were walking hand in hand down the halls he spoke up. “Was the lecture too hard for you to follow? You suddenly looked sad?” He said as his eyes were stuck on you.

You groaned before slouching your head on Lucien’s shoulder, furrowing your brow. “Nothing ever gets past you huh?” You mumble as Lucien brushes back your hair, waiting for you to speak out your worries. 

You began your rant, talking about how amazing he is and the professor and how you enjoy learning about science and sitting in on all these cool lectures but you aren’t the expert and that you feel it is pointless to learn something that you are not good at. It then lead you to feeling that you are not the best at anything. Lucien listened to every ins and outs of your problems, holding your hand tightly in his. Once you finished with a long sigh he spoke up.

“You think that I’m the best neuroscientist in the world?” He said softly as you nod. “Of course, your 26 and you own your own research center, you travel the world, who wouldn’t think that you are-”

“But I’m not.” he said softly as the two fo you stopped walking. You glanced up at him as the same calm and sweet smile stayed on his face. “If not now someone better will come along and do greater than me but even then they won’t be the best...because someone will come along and become greater than they are. After all Science is built on advancement. When something is deemed as a fact that is helpful yes, but people are much more complex. Personally I think that if you choose to see life as becoming the best at something then you are viewing everyone and everything around you as competition. But your idea of greatness is not the same as someone else's, what you may see as failure and a fault someone else sees as empowering and inspiring, and that includes how people see you. I think that you are the best at what you do but that shouldn’t matter...since you know yourself better than anyone else. I think that you should be more proud of how much you've grown. Being the best only brings temporary happiness. While growth is ever changing and there's no limit to how it should happen and what needs to be done in order to grow.” Your face softened as Lucien spoke. You felt your thoughts lighten as a soft voice in your head kept telling you that he was right. I see Lucien as the greatest and most amazing person in the world but he doesn’t… he sees. “You.” his princely voice said softly. “If I had to choose who the greatest person in the world is to me...it’s you.” He added before kissing your forehead. 

You could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest as his warm lips laid gently on your skin. His rainy scent engulfing you while your hands slowly pulled him into an embrace. He hugged you back before brushing your hair lightly through his fingertips. 

Even in this moment with Lucien you have learned so much, you have grown...a sweet smile fluttered across your lips as your heart grew with pride. “I am so proud of me, and how much I have grown.” You whispered. 

KIRO | CH03 | 0 : 00 : 05 

✨For those who are feeling lonely amongst hard times.✨

You slouched at the front door of your apartment. Bags in your hands, coat slung between your arms, hair a mess and dark circles slowly morphing you into a racoon.

You kicked off your shoes to see your red and slightly swollen feet. An emergency had happened that caused you to stop and change every course of your life for the next month and a half. Having to make phone calls between friends, family, and companies ensuring the safety and calmness of everyone around you.

You had already spent hours reassuring worried hearts that you had forgotten to give yourself a moment to breathe and process everything. And now with this short time to finally be with yourself the stress, anxiety, worry and guilt flooded through you like a river as your eyes dropped like a waterfall. 

You had been trying so hard to remain optimistic for everyone else that your own feelings were casted aside and now here you were, alone and finally able to feel them. Only for the idea of being alone to make it worse. Sliding your way down and onto the floor beginning your crying session. Soon the buzzing of your phone scared you half to death. The handsome face of Kiro and his bright golden smile popped up on your screen. Oh great. You thought seeing the FaceTime message as you quickly dried your face and answered the call.

“OHHH My (Miss) Chip(s)!!~” Kiro’s voice sang. “Hey,” he pouted. “Why can’t I see your face? It’s so dark. And you’re sniffling...Don’t tell me you caught a cold again?” he said. 

“Ah-s-sorry. I’ll turn on the lights.” Your voice cracked as Kiro’s playful expression quickly turned to worry. You flicked on the lights and turned the screen to your face, rubbing your nose with your sleeve. Seeing yourself on the small screen of your phone, there was no way for you to deny that you were crying. Your eyes a puffy red mess (and makeup smeared down your cheeks). 

“Ah...I was um..” You try to explain as You watched Kiro already up and heading for his jacket. 

“Don’t worry ____. I’m on my way, you can tell me when I get there. Have you been crying for long?” he said as his cute voice now had a alert and serious tone.

“N-No...not too long. I just got home.” You say softly.

“Don’t hang up. I don’t want you to cry by yourself. Next time you are feeling sad, let me know.”

“Y-You don’t have to come over.” you say feeling like you were about to cry again.

“Don’t say that. Of course I do. It is a hero’s job to help those in need. Especially when it’s someone they love.” Kiro said as you bit your lip softly, you couldn’t deny him of this. 

When he finally arrived at your place you cleaned up a bit as you opened the door to an tight embrace. His hug was warm and inviting as your hand tightening on his back the moment Kiro pressed your head to his shoulder. You began to cry again. “It’s okay...I am here...you can cry now.” He said in a low voice. With that you spilled out your heart as kiro held you closely, his blonde hair tickling the edge of your ear.  

Once you had calmed down enough to talk the two of you sat beside one another on the loveseat in your living room.

You expressed all of your pain that you had been repressing about the situation and although you didn’t mind that people were using you for support, you never realized how tough it would be to take on everyone's pain and have no one to help you through yours. Kiro held your hand quietly, hearing out all your worries as the rings on his fingers were slowly starting to warm up by the embrace of yours. 

Once you had finished what you needed to say Kiro gently pressed your head to his chest, his arms holding you in a loving embrace. 

“Thank you...for sharing with me your worries. I know that it’s not easy having to take on other people's burdens but you aren’t alone...and I will always listen to you and I will always be here when things get tough. I want to be that someone you rely on to lift your spirits. You are the person that I want to make the happiest. Even when you feel like no one sees or hears you struggling, just remember that I do see you.” Kiro said in a soft voice as your eyes watered once again. You hugged him tightly, nodding your head as you felt like a large weight was just lifted off your shoulders. 

Kiro reminded you that you belong and that there is so much value in how hardworking and kind you are. 

And that this strength wasn’t something you need to burden through alone. 

✨Thank you for reading and I hope that this helped any of you guys going through a tough time who just needs a bit of encouragement. 

My DM’s are always open too and I’ll gladly hear anyone out. 🖤 

Sometimes all we need is just someone to vent to. 🖤

✨Check out more of my writings on my ✨master list✨

✨ If you like my blog and want to see more of me check out my other social’s, it would mean a lot to me~~ https://linktr.ee/Yvainegeline

#mlqc #mlqc mc #mlqc lucien #mlqc gavin #mlqc victor #mlqc kiro #mlqc shaw #mlqc fanfic #mlqc fluff #uplifting #mrlovequeenschoice #mrlovequeenschoicegavin #mrlovequeenschoicevictor #mrlovequeenschoicelucien #mrlovequeenschoicekiro #mrlovequeenschoiceshaw #love and producer #mlqc xu mo #mlqc x reader #mlqc bai qi #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc ling xiao #mlqc zhou qiluo

[zu-is-here]

The jab went well, I didn't think of taking enough stuff to keep me busy while waiting for it tho X). I didn't feel bad after so I went shopping. I stopped through a fabric shop wondering if I should try to make a plush (didn't buy anything from that store but maybe another time I guess)

Here the books !

"Beyond the clouds" is a sweet story about a boy who like to build stuff who met a girl with only one wing and without memories. He built her a wing then they go having adventures to find the truth.

I dunno if "Encens" will be a good read yet. It's about a strange case of murder and detectives hunting the murderer. It seems it's a steampunk novel.

"Le conte des parias" is about a devil and a girl who made a deal with that devil (not the ones on the cover, those are side characters). The devils can't be seen by anybody but she was born with eyes that could see them. She befriended that devil as she was lonely (and having a really not-great life) and she liked to hear his stories at night. They ended up making a deal after the situation called for it and she gave up her most precious thing in exchange 👁️👁️.

Yup! I wanna do the prompts as well but I didn't even finished yet the first one X'D

Not really merciful just too focused on getting my writing done to remember I need to attack O°O. Not yet! XD Thanks 💕

Glad to hear it went good! (*´∇｀*) Awww are you going to hand-make a plush? *^*

These sounds really cool and interesting to read! (〃ω〃) Especially the story about a deal between a devil and a girl ♪

It's alright (≧∀≦) It's your time to get gifts <3

OHHH I'm gonna read your writings! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)☆

How are you doing lately? ♡

P. S. I watched Le Petit Prince the movie and oh am I delighted! ☆ The details like the poster on the academy's wall or the parachute looking like that hat *^* But it turned out to be so dark suddenly, I didn't even expect it! (°▽°) The ending made me cry a bit tho <3 This is amazing how this little story unites us all╰(*´︶`*)╯

UPD:

Ohhh poor Blue (ó3ò) *hugs* Hope you endured it well and feel much better now! <3

Woah *0* That would be really nice! Good luck with it ☆

Ah really good indeed (ﾟωﾟ)♪ Heheh good luck with a "revenge" too! (òwú)

I'm so glad to hear you had good day (*´꒳`*) I'm sure this dress fits you really nice *^* And your OC drawing is sooo cute <3 Ah yep! I did wish her happy birthday while ago (๑>◡<๑)

I'm doing great, thanks! <3 Had a busy day at work but then went to the supermarket to buy some food for me and for Koshka (úwù) Tomorrow is my graduation ceremony,,, (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)☆

P. S. Awww what a coincidence! Oh my god NAMES. You're right— they don't have ones for real!! (°▽°) Didn't even notice it behind all the titles... Guess my favorite moment is when Mr. Prince becomes The Little Prince again <3 And yours? *^*

(≧∀≦) That's good! Thank youuu <3

P. S. Oh bliss before chaos indeed! That moment was really exciting and frightening at the same time *0* The songs parts are amazing ♡ Wow— how did you notice that much?! \(//∇//)\ Such a little and sad detail for real ;3; ☆

Have a good night and a day too Blue! (*´꒳`*)

Fair enough! (òwó) We helped each other <3

#updated #ask #zu is happy

[smolbeandrabbles]

Penguin, James Penguin - Killian x Reader (Spies in Disguise)

Alternate Title: ‘I Wish I Was James Bond’

Holiday Fic 5! 🐧🐧

@wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​

@xxstar-bluesxx​ - From one Killian Stan, to another 😉

Author’s Note: It is EXACTLY a year since I saw this movie for the first time. 

I had way too much fun writing these two again, safe to say I missed them a lot 🥰🥰

Not joking, this plot has been in my notes since January - and I was like “Well I missed my chance completely with the song and everything!” It’s too good not to pass up!!

Reader character from my SiD series/prequel? You betcha! 😉 But this time we’re writing for them post-movie!

Also playing into the rehabilitation program / Agent!McFord storyline here. So I hope, Killian Stans, that he’s been worth the wait to come back to you. And that I’m ticking a bunch of boxes. 

Note: Whilst the song itself certainly has a Christmas theme, the fic does not. At all.

Penguin, James Penguin - Brad Paisley

I Wish I Was James Bond - Scouting For Girls

Disclaimer: SiD & all associated characters not mine / basically taking the same idea as everyone else and slightly subverting expectations, because it wouldn’t be my fic if I didn’t / you don’t necessarily have to read ‘Mine’ to ‘Fresh Start Fever’ to understand this but it might help / lyrics & gifs not mine. 

Premise: In an attempt to figure out how Walters Bio-molecular tech works, Killian ends up getting it wrong with disastrous (hilarious) results...

Words: 6793

Warnings: Christmas themed lyrics/No Christmas themed fic / if you squint there’s some slight sexual banter at the end there / 

______

I've got another story That I bet you haven't heard Did you know that Santa Has a secret agent bird From an undisclosed location He's watching me and you He's got satellite uplinks in his cufflinks Yeah he sees everything you do He's Penguin, James Penguin That dapper little guy Like a well dressed duck in a three piece tux He's Santa's secret spy Not so very long ago Santa didn't need much help But with more and more kids every year He soon got overwhelmed He told the elves one Christmas We can't do this anymore Then a knight in shining polyester Waddled through his door And it was Penguin, James Penguin He was there to save the day He had wireless And GPS outfitted on the sleigh And Santa said Penguin Won't you be my ears and eyes How'd you like to help me run My SCFBI He's Penguin, James Penguin And now I guess you've heard How Santa got his little Christmas Secret Agent Bird

---

I've seen you walk the screen, it's you that I adore Since I was a boy I wanted to be like Roger Moore A girl in every port, and gadgets up my sleeve The world is not enough for the both of us it seems Hello Mr Bond, I've been expecting you Martini in your hand, and that eyebrow that you move Don't take this the wrong way, I know it might sound odd I'm the next double-0, I'm the right man for the job I wanted to be you, I wanted to be you I wanted to be someone else And I wish I was James Bond Just for the day Kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away And I wish I was James Bond Just for the day Kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away And I wish I was James Bond Just for the day Kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away Roger and Sean and Timmy and George And Daniel and Pierce and maybe one day me

---

The light grey clouds rolled over the mountains on the horizon line. By the colour alone you suspected that you were due heavy snowfall. Up in a mountaintop hideaway you were growing used to such things... no bright blue sky today.

You folded your arms with a sigh; still, a little bit of sunshine would be nice.  

KiTT - your assistance drone - beeped every so often as he moved about the room, doing the odd task. Other than that, the house was silent, for now. Your eyes hovered on the helicopter outside and then back to the clouds; would there be a chance of getting out of here for the next few days? You knew cars would be out of the question, it was treacherous even in snow fairing vehicles... Note to self: Next time choose a boyfriend whose idea of a home is not a typical villain’s hide out. Although you supposed it fit his role in all this. At least to the Agency. Things had changed a lot since Killian had tried to take everyone out with his own drones, but they were still very wary of him. You found yourself tasked with keeping him straight - you weren’t sure they understood your relationship. But agreed anyway.

  Having finished his tasks and now bored, KiTT whirred his way back over to you, beeping his greeting. Blue lights flashing.  You shook your head at him, “What would you have me do? I’ve given you everything I had on my list, why don’t you ask him if he needs any help?” KiTT’s next series of bleeps had you laughing; “I’m sure he didn’t mean to kick you out like that. K just needs to concentrate. You can get pretty loud!”  Your drone protested, which only made you giggle. Especially as he tried to make the argument that he couldn’t possibly be any worse than the rest of them. 

KiTT had a point: the drones that the Agency had let you take back now helped both you and Killian with lab work - amongst other things – and, with your own expertise in AI, each now had their own distinctive personality just as KiTT did. Sometimes you regretted that decision. Although they couldn’t have been further from his blue and silver finish; in sleek black and red lights. Fitting for your significant other maybe, but it made little sense to you for the Agency to have given them such colours. (And if you were honest, KiTT looks a damn sight better, but you supposed there was a bit of favouritism in that comment.) “Oh, yeah. Cuz nothing says evil robot quite like red lights.” Killian couldn’t clap back at that, KiTT was exclusively blue. “I didn’t design it.” “I know. Which begs the question, why the Agency was building an assassination drone.” He folded his arms, “Well they don’t care, do they?” Protection by any means necessary. Stop the bad guys by any means necessary. “Well...” You raised your eyebrows and tipped your head in agreement. He’d know a lot about that alright... 

You found yourself looking back to the clouds and sighed, “You could always go check the weather for me if you’re really that desperate. Or if you could figure out a really quick weather changing machine?” If you could count KiTT’s next sound as a scoff you would, before blue lights ran across his body to let you know he was contacting weather satellites for you.

 The sudden crash behind you snapped you both from caring about the weather. It was followed by a slightly smaller - but still loud – one, and then silence again. You immediately started towards the labs, “On second thought, sounds like I should have just asked you to go straight to him!” 

**

When you both got down there it was a little hard to tell what had happened. At first it looked like nothing too serious; work surfaces scattered with tools, screens full of science mechanics... until you spotted the broken glass beakers and liquid running across the surface of a worktop, dripping onto the floor. “K?!” He didn’t appear to be in here, and yet none of his drones were either, which made you think it also hadn’t been them to make this mess. Or they’d made themselves scarce. You turned the lights up a little further and kept walking, cautiously. Well - for one thing, the floor was now covered in broken glass and curious liquids… they should probably be tidied up at the very least. Good thing your drone was in a working mood. There was another sound from further in the lab that made you jump, and you turned towards it. KiTT made a sound of worry. “Hush, clear this away, I got it.” He beeped again, “I’ll be FINE. Cybernetic, remember!?” KiTT’s next beep caused you to glare at him, “Don’t use that tone with me-!” 

You made your way carefully over to the noise, stepping around the glass that had been spat all over the floor. You were sure it’d made its way to unknown reaches of the lab, and you should be careful where you were stepping. Sure, you wouldn’t bleed, but thanks to the upgrades it’d still hurt.  When you turned the corner, you came face to face with a huddled form. Your head tilted curiously; eyebrow raised. You recognised it alright: but it was more the mystery of how it got in here. It might well have been the source of the crash - after all, you wouldn’t think a penguin to be very careful in a lab. You were just thinking about how you were supposed to catch it and then tell your partner: “Well, a penguin got into the house, and then your lab somehow, and destroyed all your research. Sorry about that-!”, when it turned towards you and-

  “AGH-!!” This time you didn’t jump, although both of you were startled. Your eyes widened even further as you stared at him, on the verge of collapsing into laughter. “K?!” The laugh wavered in your voice and you tried to swallow it back, “What did you do?” Killian was very blunt about it; “Turned myself into a penguin, alright. Are you happy now?” “How?” - Trying not to laugh was having the opposite effect and he sighed. “Go on, laugh-!” You did, but still tried to make it muted, before taking a deep breath, “What the hell...? Did you try to copy Walter’s formula-!?” “Well, it didn’t work did it-!” “They are all pigeons; although this is appropriate for our living conditions.” You crouched beside him, “...I gotta say, it’s very cute.” “Shut up!” You knew, were he still human, he’d be red with both anger and embarrassment by now.  You reached out to delicately touch his feathers; it seemed, just like Sterling managed to retain the bow tie, Killian would retain the outlines of his suit. He swatted your hand away and hissed; “Stop it!” “Just take the antidote. I mean, it’s all over the desk, but I’m sure we can salvage some of it. I assume you are trying for a pigeon, right? Or maybe you aren’t; gotta say I prefer penguins.”  “Thanks.” He responded dryly.  You only grinned your ‘you’re welcome’ and then stood to walk back to his desk; even if KiTT had managed to clear everything by now, if Killian had all the data, creating another batch of antidote shouldn’t take too long, and you could enjoy him as a penguin for a few minutes... or hours... more. “No! Wait! Y/N!” He hissed again, flippers grabbing your leg. “What?” Killian gave you a look of significance. Your eyes narrowed; “You took it without making an antidote!?!” “I took it accidentally!! And I had an antidote, it just wasn’t perfected-! Now I’m stuck as a flightless bird-!” “Deadly in water though.” You mused, tilting your head – that was not well received. Killian grumbled, huffing something under his breath. “So, this isn’t Walter’s formula?” “No!” Although it didn’t look like he was prepared to admit it. And you weren’t sure exactly how he managed to take it ‘accidentally’. “I did it myself!” “Well, this part worked.” You continued walking though, which made him waddle after you as fast as he could, “WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?!” “Uhm, to get Walter. He’ll be able to fix this-!” “No!!” He got ahead of you and tried to push you backwards, you halted; you supposed you understood why he wouldn’t want to admit what he’d done. You thought Walter would actually love that Killian’s formula was at least correct, even if he couldn’t reverse it yet. “What are you going to do Killian? Perfect the antidote as a Penguin? Think about this-!” “I AM!” “Rationally.” You stooped again and gathered him in your arms, to which he squirmed until you set him on a clear desk. “He’s the only one who can help you.” “I can do this myself..!” “As a flightless bird?” He’d been the one to say it-! He sighed, but was still unwilling to concede. Folding his flippers across his chest and turning slightly away from you. You stroked a hand over his feathers again, and grumpy as he was, you felt Killian lean into your touch and smirked as you teased him. “We could be halfway to D.C. by now...” He turned to you, eyes narrowed, and pushed your fingers away again, gentler this time. “Fine. But not a word to anyone.” “I promise.” You placed your hand over your heart. “And don’t pick me up again. It’s embarrassing.” You raised an eyebrow, folding your own arms, “So... what are you going to do, waddle around after me?” “Yup.” Killian jumped down from the counter, sliding across the floor to the exit, passing KiTT who beeped curiously and looked to you. You gave a shrug and rolled your eyes. “You coming?” 

It didn’t take very long to gather all that you needed and throw yourselves into the helicopter. You thanked your lucky stars that he’d taught you how to fly this thing. Your eyes flicked back to those clouds, “KiTT what did the weather say?” He beeped the response; cold, very cold, chance of snow later but the clouds may have been long gone by then. What concerned you most was if the chopper would fly, he seemed to suggest you’d be fine. 

You took a deep breath and flicked all the switches to their correct positions before starting the ignition, blades whirring into life. Your penguin turned to you from his seat, where you’d firmly belted him in. “You sure you know what you’re doing!?! You have to get us all the way to Washington D.C.!” You glared at him, “You wanna try it in your current situation!? You taught me!!” Killian knew he had no choice but to concede. “Just be careful! Nothing reckless!” “Says the man that just turned himself into a Penguin-!” “It was accidental-!” His voice pitched. You placed your hands assuredly on the joystick and moved the helicopter steadily into the air and into higher altitudes. “Accidental my ass, how do you take something like that accidentally-!?” There was overwhelming silence and you knew you’d won again. But sighed, saying softer, “Look, it doesn’t matter...” You pulled out across the mountains and smiled at the blue sky out across your horizon line, the end of this grey was in sight-! “Walter will have you fixed into a sarcastic, Australian, pain-in-the-ass by the end of the day.” Even Killian couldn’t help but laugh at that.

How exactly did you end up in this mess? It’s probably best to go back to the beginning...

**

Shortly after the whole drone revenge plan had failed, you received an anonymous text telling you to bring a car to a building close to the Capitol Reflecting Pool and Washington Monument. It said nothing more than that, but it made you curious. Upon running it through KiTT and discovering it was from the Agency, your curiosity was only further piqued. And on the dot of the specified time, you were standing outside the building leaning against your car, shades on. To be honest you probably couldn’t have looked less inconspicuous, and you wondered if the Agency, in reality, were about to laugh at you for being so gullible and arrest you too. Well, you’d escaped from them before, and that was more than just a few upgrades ago.

 The doors of the building opposite slid open and your mouth was suddenly agape, you slid your shades slowly from your eyes, unable to hide your shock. Stepping into daylight - in a brand-new suit - was none other than Killian himself. 

His smile was gentle as he made his way down the steps to you, and your heart was hammering against your ribs. As Killian stopped in front of you, you couldn’t help yourself but throw your arms around him. “Am- am- am I here to pick you up!?” God I missed you, I missed you, I missed you… He chucked, returning your embrace, “I believe that’s the idea, yeah.” “They just let you go!?” Killian placed his right hand in his pocket and huffed, “Well. That’s not exactly it, I had to bargain my way out...” You surveyed him for a minute, all his cybernetics seemed intact; he didn’t look messed with. Running a full diagnostic would give you the whole picture, but you were puzzled. “What’s the price?” “Joining the good guys.” You pulled slightly back, “You’re working for the Agency!?” He gave a nod, “That’s the deal.” “Double cross all your acquaintances?” You smiled, leaning back against the car, “Does kinda sound like you... Oh. Wow. You’re an informant?”  “Not exactly.”  Your eyes widened further than you felt possible; “You’re an agent!?” “You got it.” But Killian’s smile slightly faded, “Y/N, I- I was only part of the bargain, though.” You understood him immediately, “Me? They want me.” “You’re an inspired scientist; your expertise in the fusion of human biology and robotics… not to mention AI- they can use that. It’s not really even me they want working with them, it’s you.” “You offered me up as a chip!?” You couldn’t help but be a little upset at him for that. “You’re the only chip I had to play!” Even by the desperate look on his face you shook your head, “No.” “I need you with me on this, you think I was gonna do it without you?” His hand reached for yours, and you didn’t pull away. “So, are we... a team?” “Well, about that—-” His eyes flicked over his shoulder and you both turned.

Standing in the doorway now - each with a wildly different expression on their face - were Walter, Lance and... you believed her name was Marcy. Your eyes flicked to his face and back to them. Walter was the only one that seemed to show any kind of joy; and he was ecstatic. You pushed back just about every swear word you could think of.  “You’re kidding me?”

**

He was not, in fact, kidding and after being hauled into a two-hour meeting - which you felt really explained nothing - you were essentially handed a file and an ultimatum.  Either you worked with them, or you were thrown in a maximum-security prison. You had to laugh, because you didn’t think this was exactly fair on you. And they had you between a rock and a hard place... Killian and you had always had the same vendetta against the Agency since Kyrgyzstan (maybe his a little more aggressive than yours), and you had a life outside all of this. You couldn’t afford not to take their offer. The Agency knew it.

That made you a lot less mad at him for signing you up, and you turned down the opportunity to vent to him on the drive back; “What do I call you now? Agent McFord!?” “Shut up!” The faint blush across his face made you smile and tease him again: “You do know all that James Bond stuff was a joke, right-!?”

It was one of your favourites. The two of you loved spy movies, unironically. And Killian really liked the classic Bond films, how any time he’d make himself a certain drink you’d come for him with the same joke: “Is that a martini!?” “Yes-??” He was always curious as to why that mattered, only for you to give a pointed smirk,  “Alright... James Bond!” And he laughed, hard. And you loved that sound, because it was such a rarity these days, “Surely in this situation Sterling is James Bond...?” Then you smirked again, and gave Killian your best flirty wink, “Not to me!” That seemed to always get you where you wanted. And wasn’t 007 known for his way with the ladies, after all?

Today in your car Killian did not raise to the bait, but you saw him shake his head as he stared out the window.  “So, are you going by Tristan or Killian…?” There was a little smile on his face as he continued to stare at the scenery, “I’ll leave that up to you…” Your sudden gasp had him looking back to you as something else gelled in your brain; “Wait does that mean I get to say I’m dating a secret agent!?” “Oh god.” His groan was quiet and you were already grinning, enjoying yourself even more. “You should never have agreed to this!” “Clearly.” “Wait—!” You turned to him in absolute joy, “Can you just put on a British accent for like five minutes-!?” “NO!” And you noticed how he managed to accent his Australian to new levels.  Clearly his childhood wish to be James Bond was getting fulfilled, but he wasn’t about to play into it for your whims...

You’d figure out how to break that will before long-!

**

It took Killian a little more time than he would have liked to convince you that his deal was a good one. You were basically flat out refusing to work for them, doing the bare minimum you possibly could get away with; it felt too much like coercion to you, and they must have known how much you stood to lose.

 His first track was to use Walter; with both similar approaches to science & technology and similar levels of enthusiasm for it, the work it would be possible for you to do together would be nothing short of incredible, and both of you knew it. You acknowledged Killian was right, but it wasn’t something you fell for. The files Killian gave you, the access to read about the technology... that interested you. The potential to further yourself in your own field, even if it had to be done with the Agency, was a good draw. But still not enough.

So Killian did the one thing he could, and played the last card he had left. Himself. Baiting you with his own fate. “If they say I’m not doing my job and throw me back where I came from, what then?” You hated him for it, hated even more that he had a point. Hated yourself for having to admit you couldn’t be without him. You’d almost gone stir crazy between his arrest and picking him up. You couldn’t stand to think of it being any longer than that.  Too much of a pain point, your one line. You’d both lost enough; you refused to let yourselves lose each other.

You did not become an agent though. Your role was strictly technology and it confined you to the labs. Which you had to be honest, you enjoyed. And because you had your own job – and were a name the industry knew well – you weren’t a full time Agency employee. Your research saved lives – was the reason you still had yours – the Agency couldn’t exactly stop you working on good conscience. Even better! The tension in the team didn’t really let up, but the combination of the four of you (and Marcy and co when necessary) worked well. You all got more done than any other team in the Agency. 

Still, the enjoyment of working alone, or with Walter, didn’t stop you from itching to get out there or complaining about it to Killian. “Oh. I see I’m not an agent.” “Less expendable than I.” “Out of me and you, how am I-” “You have a reputation beyond the Agency and they know it. You’re the poster child of cybernetics. They did it to save your brain; didn’t you tell me that yourself?” “You made this...” You indicated to the parts of your body that were, indeed, cybernetic. “Yes, I did.” He touched his forehead to yours, “but the top half of you is flesh and blood and I do not possess the brain you do. For now, you’re best staying in the lab.” Walter didn’t stay in the lab and it made you antsy; running around with Killian or getting to do stuff for him was half the fun.

And eventually you whined enough to get to accompany him on missions, even though you still didn’t get to be an agent.

You had a few style tips for your 007 too. In the same vein as Lance Sterling, Killian’s crisp new Agency suit was complete with bow tie and dazzlingly white shirt. You couldn’t help yourself, looking him over. Oh, sure, Killian looked great, but he didn’t look like him. As you strolled over, Killian stood still and as tall as possible: his obvious thought was that you we’re going to straighten his bow tie. Not a chance! Instead, you unfurled it and threw the fabric to one side, proceeding to undo one... two... you hovered over the third button. Killian placed his hand over yours, “Isn’t that enough?” He should have known that was a fatal mistake to say; “For me? No!” You took a step back with a smile, at the creased eyebrow and small frown look on his face, surveying your handy work: “Mmm. That’s more you. Agent McFord.” And so this was how he started to wear his suits, and before long that signature blue shirt found its way back into the mix, much to your delight.

It was on these missions together that you both became curious in Walter’s biomolecular tech. You from a purely scientific fascination. He had Sterling turning from man to pigeon left, right and centre. And the two of you had drones (now equipped with AI), but even you didn’t have anything like that. Clearly Killian’s interest had become a little more than just the spectacle and scientific theory though.

No, clearly he’d tried to replicate it for himself. And the result hasn’t exactly gone as planned. You supposed he wasn’t about to allow Lance to one up him for the rest of his Agency career - however long that lasted. And Killian wanted to get back on level footing without Walters help; he wanted to do it himself.

And it had worked, a very valiant attempt, but he hadn’t finished his antidote or had miscalculated somewhere... And that was how you had all ended up in a helicopter flying yourself to the Agency labs, with a penguin in the passenger seat.

Yet with what you’d seen working here, this just seemed like a typical day!

***

You landed to the best of your ability, ignoring his slight glare of annoyance at the small bump as you set the helicopter down. You would call that trip a success. You stared at the heavy doors in front of you and gathered your pass; you heard KiTT behind you and his metallic fussing as he switched himself into all the correct safety modes and access clearances for the Agency. That you had done yourself; you didn’t trust Killian with KiTT, did they really think they would get the go ahead to touch him? Turning to Killian you cleared your throat; “You gotta act like a penguin remember-! So don’t talk to me! Or do anything a penguin wouldn’t do!” “What wouldn’t a penguin do!?” You unclipped his seatbelt. Well, you supposed a researcher would know, or someone that worked with them closely in a zoo. But he couldn’t just guess the Agency’s experience. Then again, it wouldn’t surprise you if he knew everyone in it inside out by now. “Look, I don’t know. But don’t make me talk to you, I’m going to look like an insane person-!” Realising that you were both still talking to each other you shared the same ‘shut up!’ look before agreeing not to talk with a silent nod, and with both KiTT and penguin Killian trailing you, you headed across the helipad with your Agency pass. 

Here we go again...

God, you hated this building.  Most times you’d been out here it hadn’t been for any good reason - and you still didn’t feel particularly safe within it. And so many people… Even when you worked your legitimate job you usually worked alone - or with people you actually liked - you could talk to yourself or KiTT and run your mouth, or talk things through without anyone answering you.  Everyone at the Agency had an opinion. When it was just you and Walter it was okay, and Killian was right, you liked him. But sometimes other people got involved and it got messy. To the point where Walter would gingerly steer you from the room before you really went off at someone.

You keyed yourself in; immediately scanned by the Agency’s automatic sensors, the switch turned green and the door swung open for you. You hesitated for a moment and looked down to Killian. “I know you’re gonna hate this, but I’m going to have to carry you through security. I think that’s all there is for it.” You didn’t let him answer as you picked him up but, as before, Killian protested by squirming in your arms as you walked down the hall to the security area. “Geez, now I look like I’m smuggling in a penguin…”

You gained some funny looks for doing so, but you need only say the word research and they let you through with him. As you turned into the next corridor, through the next security door and it all looked empty, Killian nipped at your fingers; “OW! Okay… Geez-!” You put him back on the ground, only for him to shake out his ruffled feathers with a ‘humph!’ The corridors remained silent as you took the long way down to the research centre. And Killian switched from waddling to sliding around on his stomach. You watched with curiosity; you supposed that was faster for him than trying to keep up with you. You turned to KiTT with a raised eyebrow, only to see him also focused with puzzlement on the penguin. Knowing you weren’t about to get anything sensible out of your drone, you spoke once again to your boyfriend: “Is that easier to move, or is it just fun?” Killian barely glanced up at you, but you knew the look he was giving: ‘you’re the one that said don’t talk!’ He was right, but this corridor was empty, the last 10 corridors had been empty! “Geez you can just nod.” You were met with nearly exactly the same look, before he paused, nodded, and carried on his sliding.   “It’s fun? You are too cute.”

It took you until the next door for him to stand up and retaliate, but when Killian did, he smacked your leg as best he could with his flipper; you could only laugh.

***

You wandered cautiously through the laboratory and he stayed close; perhaps you should have checked that Walter was actually in today. You could already hear the stirring of whispers, and KiTT beeped in acknowledgement. You glanced to him, “Tell them to shut the hell up then!” His beep was a little louder in annoyance, and you rolled your eyes, but he began flying ominously over the heads of the other scientists and chatter stopped, work resumed. You smiled to yourself; everyone was scared of KiTT because of what they knew Killian’s drones had been capable of. KiTT was harmless, and had no weaponry, but they didn’t need to know that. You quite enjoyed how scared they got sometimes. Served them right for the majority of it. You were a little overcome with joy to see that Walter was indeed in his lab, and even more happy to see that Lance was nowhere to be found. You gave him a wave as you knocked on his door and received a big smile back. “Y/N! I didn’t know you were coming in today!” “Unplanned, I do confess. But it’s good to see you Walter!” “Well, it’s lovely to see you too! You working?” “Actually I came to ask a favour…” “Oh!” He straightened in his chair as he swung it towards you, large blue eyes curious, “What is it?” “Your bio-molecular technology?” “Yes.” It was at this point he noticed the penguin, and you could see the million questions racing in his mind, so you opted to continue quick before he got a chance to ask them. “Is that just for Lance? Would it work on anyone? You must have the formula, right? Is there any chance I can take a look? Both for the transformation process and the antidote to it. I mean you guys are using it all the time.” “Uuuhhhh…” Now you’d given Walter a million questions, and his eyes kept flicking downwards to your companion. “Well, I…Yes, I guess I could…. show you how to… Do you want to do this with a penguin?” “Ignore the penguin.” 

Walter tried to keep his eyes on you, especially as the look you were giving him was serious, but eventually they trailed back to the bird at your feet. He studied it for a while and ignored you trying to protest him disregarding what you’d said. He leant forward on his chair, “Killian?” Instead of acting as he was supposed to, your partner became immediately angry. “Not a WORD to Sterling, or I SWEAR-!!” Instead, Walter lit up with a gasp, “You perfected your own formula!?! That’s so amazing—!! Colour me impressed-! Well, I could make what I made for him, so you can turn pretty much at will-!! Well-” He turned to you with a smile, “with some assistance of course-!” “A secret agent penguin!” The idea was funny to you, but at the same time you couldn’t help but love it. Killian immediately protested, “NO-! THATS STUPID, WE ARE NOT—!” You nudged him with your foot to shut him up, before continuing a sensible track of conversation, “First off, I suppose we should get the formula done. Then we can think about what we want to do with it afterward.” “All you need is the antidote right? I can get right on that… but, Killian, I’m going to need your help with what you did…” Walter spun back to the computer and began typing away, “Pull up a seat you two!” You dragged one across, and Killian scrambled up onto your lap; “I don’t have my formula, but KiTT could probably download it. He has a satellite uplink to the lab back home.” Walter nodded, “That’ll do, I’ll have to make sure the antidote coincides… I can’t promise this will be short though, you might be stuck like that for a few more hours.” “Hours!?” Killian sounded exasperated but turned to your assistance drone: “KiTT, see if you can link back to the lab and access file F-BMP5. Then send it across to Walter.” KiTT, glad of something to do, bleeped happily and set to work. “Sorry buddy.” Walter replied softly, “A penguin though, I’m impressed.” “Not entirely easy to find birds where we live.” This caused you to chime in, “Genuinely there are penguins up there?” “If you know where to look.” “Huh!” You smiled gently, “You’ll have to show me!”

Walter worked as quickly and carefully as possible, and as you suspected people were fascinated.  Everyone who passed couldn’t resist knocking on the door and asking what a penguin was doing here. Some even having the nerve to ask, ‘Is that penguin talking?’ By the time the last one had enquired you were up by the door: “NO!” and slamming it back in their face. Walter took precautions to lock you all in here and frost the glass for privacy after that. 

Killian remained in your lap, and you held him close, stroking your fingers through his feathers again, this time he didn’t seem to mind too much, and at times when you paused, he would nuzzle against your hands to get you to continue. Though you knew he would never admit it. As he continued working on the antidote, Walter again brought up the possibility of using this ultimate spy tech regularly. Killian didn’t seem keen, but you wondered if you could get him to warm to the idea… “I’m sure that we could find a little suit jacket for you in that form.” He glared back at you, “You’re enjoying this a little too much, aren’t you?” “A little, yeah!” You grinned in admittance, making him turn to Walter. “It’s a hard no from me.” “Aw, Killian, c’mon!” That only made Walter chuckle, “Let him get used to it Y/N, he’ll like it eventually, Lance did.” “You mean just leave him like this for a while?” Walter grinned, “Something like that!” Killian spluttered, stamping his foot against your leg; “YOU TWO PUT ME BACK RIGHT NOW!”

When Walter had the serum made up, he walked you both into another lab to perform the procedure. Killian let you carry him. “You can drink it if you want, but I’d like to run a few tests.” “Meaning what?” “I mean, if I put you under anaesthetic… I can check a few things.” “Is that usual?” “No but it’s your first time, and Lance’s wasn’t a pleasant experience I just want to make sure you’re okay, or Y/N will kill me.” Killian narrowed his eyes at both of you, standing there trying to look so innocent. “Fine. If I wake up and I’m not human again, I’m going to kill both of you.” Walter winced, however you only smirked; “Noted!”

***

When Killian awoke again, he was indeed human. But he was not in a lab in Washington D.C. instead he was in bed, back in the mountain top hideout. Had he really been out that long? Or was whatever drug used in the anaesthetic or antidote so strong he simply couldn’t remember anything else. He stretched, glad his head wasn’t spinning, and walked into the bathroom. Skimming his fingers up the side of his neck he pressed down on the projection switch. Killian checked this every morning as routine; that the system worked, that there were no problems with the metal, or his eye. This morning, nothing worked. He straightened up with a frown and tried again. Nothing. Killian rushed through the house; “Y/N! Y/N!” He sounded panicked, making you shake your head and call him through. “In the main room, babe.” He ran the rest of the way, “Y/N, my projection isn’t working!” You turned to him slowly, crooked, amused smile on your face; as if you were trying to hold back a laugh. “Are you sure? Why don’t you check again?” This time Killian was more careful, fingers sliding up his neck tentatively. He paused, realising that he couldn’t even feel the switch. It no longer existed. His eyes flew wide, voice quiet; “You- you- fixed it!” You grinned, smile slowly spreading across your face as you nodded, “Yes! So now you have a complete face!” He sprinted the rest of the way to you, grabbing you into a hug. You couldn’t help laughing, throwing your arms around him too as Killian buried his face in his shoulder, “You can cry now too! But please don’t! I would feel terrible!” “How-!?” “Turns out I can pick up a thing or two… Called in a few favours...” He pulled back and you framed his face with your hands, stroking your thumbs over his cheeks, “The Agency have better tech, but I never admitted that out loud. I’ve been wanting to do it for a little while but… Walter finally gave me the opportunity.” “...Thank you.” “Oh, don’t you start.” You indicated to yourself, “I have far more to thank you for.” You gestured to his robotic arm, “I thought… maybe I’d leave that. That was a feat of engineering y’know?” He laughed, “One thing at a time, huh?” “Yes!” You agreed with a nod.

Killian tugged away from you for a moment, and studied your clothes. He was in luck; they were the ones you had been wearing at the labs. Although, as he glanced to the colour of the sky perhaps it wasn’t the morning after all, perhaps it was later in the same day. It was snowing, though, so that weather prediction had been correct. Killian couldn’t be sure when it was exactly, but it was imperative you were wearing these clothes. “I just need to do something.” You were confused as he got closer to you. “What?” “Don’t get too excited.” He ran his hand down your body to the pocket of your jeans. “I mean, I can’t help get excited, you’re here and touching me.” “Stop it.” Although Killian smirked, slipping his hand into your pocket. You stilled, and your features pulled into a highly suggestive look as your eyes scanned his; “I mean, I have questions, Agent McFord.” He rolled his eyes at you as he fished a small disk drive out of your pocket. “…Wait!” You gasped, moment broken, “What the hell is that!? Where did you get that!?” You patted yourself down suddenly, “Killian-!” He closed his hand around it and beckoned you with him, turning to walk back to the labs, you hurried after him, “No one was paying much attention to the Penguin, were they!” “Wait! Seriously! What is that?” “Shush, you’ll see.” He plugged it into his computer and you waited patiently for it to boot up before you found yourself gasping again; “Is that… The Agency’s entire weapons tech!?” “Yup.” You whipped around to him, hands on his desk, “ARE YOU DOUBLE CROSSING THE AGENCY!” “Kinda.” His face was fairly nonchalant as his eyes held yours again. “Killian!” You couldn’t believe this was happening. After all that talk, and trying to persuade you into this. “After what they did...” He transposed the files, “are you really THAT surprised?” You folded your arms, hating that he had a point, “...Well no. But I... thought you might be a little more discreet.” “What they don’t know won’t hurt them - besides a few months ago you were telling me I was double crossing all the people I worked with, so is it double crossing a double cross or is it simply that I’m an effective double agent?” “... That’s a lot of doubles.” “Mm.” “I figure that’s not what the programme and agreement of your release was for. K, if they find out…” He tipped his head, eyes very nearly pleading with you. “I’m not covering for you!” “Accomplice?” “Not in your wildest dreams!” You were grinning - but maybe grimacing, because you thought perhaps you’d get caught up in this too, being part of his damn agreement - and Killian already knew he’d got away with it. You were going to be there for him no matter what he did and no matter what happened, you’d made that promise too long ago and you’d never break it. Not after what you’d been through together. You folded your arms again, “I won’t rat on one condition.” His eyes rolled, “What could that be?” “If you’ll agree to use Walter’s biomolecular tech, penguin yourself on missions in the same way Lance does his pigeon transformation.” Killian scoffed, “How?!” You were sure he wished he didn’t ask as you produced a collection of vials from a table across the lab. Killian’s face fell slightly. “You did not.” “Oh, we did!” “That’s most certainly punishment.” You indicated to the screen, “Someone brought this upon himself.”

There was silence, before he began chuckling, pulling you into his arms gently - and you were only too happy to accept his hug and a kiss to your forehead. “Geez. The things I do for you!” You moved to catch his lips delicately in ‘thanks’. Oh yeah, like you couldn’t say the same thing!

---

Thank you for reading the penultimate fic of the year! 😁

#Killian #Killian sid #Tristan McFord #Spies in Disguise #Killian x Reader #Tristan McFord x Reader #Agent McFord #Killian/Ashlinn #Ashlinn #Kitt the Drone #KiTT #205 #This boy went in a box in Jan/Feb popped up in April and now he's back for December! #Alternatively: I Wish I Was James Bond #Which is the song I would have used for the 007 pieces because this is technically 2 fics in one #I'm rambling again but whatever... #Linzi Writes #Smol Bean Drabbles #I have missed writing for these two SO much!! #But then I look in the SID tag and I'm like /oh yeah. this is why.../ #I still don't understand this Keller Killian thing but I crack up every time I see it because Ben also played Keller in Captain Marvel... #...so that's hilarious!! #And now I can only think of them being somehow related and thats even funnier #New Canon: Director Keller becomes Killian #burn everything you love / then burn the ashes #I've been listening to this song on repeat all day and its very Krennic but it's very good for Killian too!

[mallowstep]

I’m thinking about writing a short OC piece about Windclan and I’d love to see your notes about its culture and the hymns you’ve written so far, everything you’ve done for Windclan appreciation month has really inspired me :)

hello anon!

alright, first things first: please send me ur piece when ur done if you're comfortable doing so! i will publish it from you, or if you don't want to be associated with it in Any Way, i will also just read it and add it to the queue with no indication why it's there. or if you don't want me to share it at all, i'd still like to read it.

as for your ask,

hymns?

i'm working on it. however, underneath the read more, i'll include a few snippets for u.

culture

alright, i'm just going to post links with some commentary as i go. feel free to ask any more questions you have.

windclan (search) | windclan (tag) | wcam tag | five clans (narrative essays)

i would link the elders den, but there's no windclan stories in there ATM.

moving on, i'm just going to go through posts in reverse chronological order.

tallstar taking a mate admittedly, this is more about cats and sexuality than windclan, but i provide the commentary that windclan...has a particular view on sexuality and fluidity. one thing i haven't explored but should is the role visiting cats have in windclan.

whoops that's a code word, my plug for solacefruit has been activated. okay, as you may be aware, based on the fact that i have a whole tag for it, i'm obsessed with solacefruit. now, i love everything they do, but i would like to point you particularly to "make a mighty sound" for a fantastic exploration of this idea.

i don't want to spoil anything, but i do think windclan, and maybe cats as a whole, but windclan has a certain view towards relationships that very much breaks them into pieces. i'm a "love is a verb" person, so the idea that you can grow to love someone romantically by going through the actions of love makes sense. not to say you will, but you can.

(to be clear i'm not out advocating for arranged marriages just saying that they can work, they're not destined to be bad, and there's a difference between forced marriage and arranged marriage.)

anyway.

this was a lot of words to say, cats do not have a human (and particularly, western/american) understanding of relationships, which makes analyzing them in those terms difficult.

early hymn talk i'll probably say more below, but it is here.

general ibtwicm notes might get you into the headspace for some of my choices in ibtwicm.

i don't have a ton to say because this pretty much all holds, but uh, yeah.

poetry and language this isn't strictly about windclan, but it does explain some of what i think about when writing hymns.

obviously, i'm writing english translations, but these general themes are what i have in mind. it's also part of why i say i don't think i'll ever release a "full hymnal" for windclan, because i don't know if my weak worldbuilding heart could take it if i only had translations.

names part two very much not about windclan, but just some thoughts on names. as i've said before, i support all names and worldbuilding equally, but if you want my thoughts on names, go buckwild.

clan culture fic rec list just stuff i think does a good job, if you want other sources of inspiration.

general clan culture notes this is really old, but it mostly holds.

i've obviously expanded a lot on windclan since i wrote it, so shrug? idk man.

alright, i'm going to move into hymn discussion below the cut, but best of luck! and i hope u have a good time. it makes my brain shut down to read that i inspired you, straight up got brain juice pouring out of my ears, but i'm really, really happy to hear that.

windclan holds a special place in my heart. (i know my oc avatar is from skyclan shhh it's because of the backstory he sees ghosts.) but i grew up in this super sporty household as a lil asthmatic klutz, and running was a sport i couldn't mess up, so of course windclan appealed to me.

they're actually third on my list of favorite clans, but they. it's a special place in my heart that they hold, especially after reading dawn of the clans and moth flight's vision, where i got an asthmatic cat and an adhd cat, both in windclan.

god i should reread dotc it's good.

alright, here's the deal on hymns: i am not going to fight to get duets to post correctly. there's a 0% chance i can in tumblr's wonky ass new editor with no markdown, not to mention how difficult it would have been in the old editor. so i'm going to talk a lil about what i've got, and post some stanzas that i think don't get explored a lot in ibtwicm.

we're discussing these in the order that they go in. a reminder that these are all sections of one epic poem. that said, i don't know where the gaps are. like, i don't know what's between these, if that makes sense.

the wind

the wind, the very first hymn. this is an ode to, well, windclan. it's a song about everything that makes them them. it's filled with poetry about the wind, about the seasons, and it's just...well, it's a bit of a genesis, in a way.

The wind — like the rain, like the river — calls the name of each star in its breath. The wind — like the earth, like the stone — anchors us to our home. The wind — like the sun, like the sky — is knowable only by name.

i wanted to share this stanza because the last line doesn't show up in ibtwicm (at least so far, i cut the reference), and it really, really, makes a difference imo.

anyway, windclan is basically tying the wind in with every other fundamental part of their life here.

they are the wind, and that's that.

the hare

okay, this one has a line that comes up a lot in ch1, but i already talked about that, so instead, i'm going to talk about this stanza

Speak of the earth and the dens, and you will be answered: By the call of the howling gales, the open earth singing in response. But speak of that which grows above, of the grass and field, And you will be answered by the softness of the buds and the roots.

okay, we get deadfoot thinking about this when he's talking to yellowfang.

i like this stanza because it really tells us what the hare is about. now, hares are not something windclan catches. hares are huge, y'all, there's no way they take one down. i take liberties with ecology, but not that many.

(i.e., a team of cats definitely could take one down, but i know too much, and would prefer letting team hunting stay a plot thing, and not fundamentally alter the environment in the way it would.)

now anyway, all of these hymns come from the time of the tunnelers. and the point of this is, even though the work of tunnelers and moor runners is disconnected, they fundamentally affect each other.

a moor runner must trust the hollows of the earth beneath them won't collapse, and a tunneler must trust that the prey they chase up will be caught.

it's all very symbiotic and is, well, in a way, a love poem. plus i really like the line "the open earth singing in response"

of the warrens

so this has one line, one you might not even know is a hymn, in ch1, but i'll share the whole stanza.

And as for the subject of fallow fields: Fallowed fields make for hungry prey, Yet hungry prey makes desperate rabbits, Who leap into our claws.

and ig my big point is, the hymns are a cultural artifact. just like many of the rules in the old testament have to do with hygiene things being codified into religion, this whole hymn is about hunting advice.

the moon on the river

okay, out of all the hymns, this is the most complete, and because ashfoot and deadfoot sing it together, and deadfoot discusses it, i only have one stanza to share.

Under the coldness, you shine back at me, And I do everything to keep the clouds from threatening you.

now, this poem is about love, grief, and being separated. it's a particular kind of grief, and windclan discourages grief, so this is one of only a few ways to really, fully express it.

and this section, in particular, is about love in times of hardship.

i don't have. a lot to say here. but the way hardship changes how you love someone can be particular and intense.

(temporarily, this happens sometime before "Spare for my chosen few / All I have is given towards the distant ground.")

the gorse in the wind

oh shit! i have so fucking much to say okay first.

the series title does not come from this hymn.

second, this is a challenging hymn okay. fuck. i have so much to say. where to start so! moors are actually relatively wet. think british countryside, not, like, a cool desert.

this is something i always knew? i read the secret garden a lot as a kid. but. i've seen stuff about moors being dry, and it's just one of those things that really...starts to eat under your skin. anyway.

okay, so. gorse is a dry plant. it does not like rain. it grows in sandy soil, etc etc, and yet. aside from everything we know about gorse and warriors, it also grows in this moor. because i say so.

okay, so. so so so. the lines quotes here are really deceptive, and i bet no one understood why, and that makes me just a little sad, but i couldn't find a good way to explain it in text, so uh, yeah, anyway. there's an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot: "THE GORSE: You called me the heather and I grew stronger. / THE WIND: I called you the heather and brought rain for you to grow."

so...so do you see? do you see the point? it's about communication, needs, challenging each other. fadskj;l i love this. okay, so. the point is that heather is fragile, soft, pretty, and gorse is the opposite. the part of the wind is trying to be kind and complimentary, but the gorse is saying, fuck that, you are not being kind to me by undercutting my strength.

anyway, this passage is sung by the gorse:

In what good company have I set down roots, That even through snow fall I flower. You called me the heather and yet I've weathered, Far more than your sweet-named love.

so uh, yeah, this adds context. gorse! gorse is a hardy plant that continues to flower basically all season round. it's cool. it's cool. gorse is super cool. fuuuck y'all it's such a small thing and i've contained talking about it until now, but now it's too much. the floodgates are open, and i thought about this small detail too much.

okay. deep breath. gorse is a really easy plant to grow, but it's still adapted for dry environments. so the "even through snow fall I flower" part is a little tongue in cheek: gorse itself will flower in the cold, but snow is a type of precipitation, which as we've covered, is not gorse friendly.

then we have some rhyming and puns in the next line, and finally, "yet I've weathered, / Far more than your sweet-named love." like. yes. love as a form of softness is not necessarily helpful.

i mean, consider the damaging "soft trans boi" problem. same energy.

right. okay. so we've got all that? now if you remember, this is sung when deadfoot thinks ashpaw doesn't respect him, and ashpaw says she'll sing with him if she can sing the gorse, so in essence, she's telling him...not to back off, per se, but that...she is the "hard part" of the relationship. like, okay, i refuse to even bring up gender roles in human relationships, but uh, her point is very much, "i am the gorse, and you are the wind," and it's a very monumental moment.

it's anchored, i believe, in the other scenes, but this is a small thing that matters a lot to me.

like a lot.

okay, now that i've talked about like four lines for the length of this entire post, moving on.

the heather and earth

okay, this is the last hymn i have in concrete terms, and i cut a bit of it from the latest chapter, so yeah. it's also, uh, okay everything i have for it is only a line or two, but i wanted to share this closing line (sung together):

Sing a song of forgiveness, of growing together, and we will make madness, And madness from hence will everything beautiful grow.

and i just like these lines. they got cut, it was initially part of an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot, but i can't share the part of it they talk about, because i'm reusing it for a later chapter and i'll 100% spoil shit if i try to talk about it.

but these lines? mmm they speak to me.

i don't have a ton to say about them, but i just. i like it.

if we apply the same ecology discussion from the gorse and the wind, we see heather is a plant that grows in acidic, infertile soil, and heath (which is not the same as a heather, but also kind of is) is a defining quality of heathland, which is...i'm not kidding, it's hot discourse about the difference between moorland and heathland.

i'm not getting involved, but my point is, if the gorse in the wind is a hymn about finding a working relationship, about mutual respect, etc., then the heather and earth is a hymn about working well together in a terrible situation.

god.

uh, wow! can you tell i like plants? because while parts of my ecology are dubious (see: everything regarding the rabbits in ch1), the plants part are well thought out. this shit is carefully detailed metaphor.

and that's why i won't be releasing a full hymnal. it's hard to as on top of this as i want to be. i'm not kidding, writing even four lines of a hymn usually takes me about twenty minutes, because i pull up a lot of research about how things work, how they interact with each other, etc., and then there's wordsmithing, cat worldview filter, etc.

but i hope this overview of what i've got is a good insight into my general thoughts. and i will eventually release more and more of the hymns i've got written.

#ask #anon #mine #txt #windclan #wcam #essay #long #warriors #warriors worldbuilding #windclan hymn project #mateo fanboying over solacefruit again

[carnationcreation]

it makes me so happy to see that you write for jatp🤠 could you maybe write something like a reggie x reader where they dated when they were still alive but then broke up and then they meet again as ghosts?

TITLE: Past Mistakes (JATP Reggie x reader)

✌🏻Masterlist Taglist, Requests, and Works in progress!

Prompt/summary:  Reader and Reggie broke up in 1995, then meet again as ghosts in 2020.

Word Count: 1,260

Authors note: I’m sorry if this is really sad, also special thanks to @fangirling-allday for helping me come up with a title!

WARNING: Mentions of suicidal/reckless tendencies and borderline eating disorder. Please be careful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been six months.

Six months since I had last seen him.

I never even got a chance to apologize to him. Apologize for the way I acted that night. Now I never will.

His parents had invited me to his funeral a few days after the... accident, and I made sure I was there. A dress didn’t seem appropriate. He would’ve laughed at the ridiculousness of the formal attire everyone donned for the funeral of the boy who was known for his leather jacket and slicked back hair. So I tried to wear something I knew he would want me to.

I didn’t even make it through the service. The amount of guilt and grief made me run outside to my car and drive home. Tears flowed down my face while I tried my best to get home safely.

I became quite reckless after that. 

Drinking every weekend. Driving like I was in a fast and furious movie. Eating and purging shitty food. Then it became eating nothing at all.

I knew it would catch up to me eventually, I just didn’t think it would be today.

Six months after the love of my life died I was hospitalized. 

It had started with my heart beating faster every time I stood up. Soon it became terrible pains in my chest that I couldn’t get rid of. Then one day I woke up in the hospital.

The strange thing was I saw myself laying on the hospital table.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After that day in the hospital I floated up to… somewhere. All it was was a dark room. No furniture, no walls, no anything really. Just darkness. 

It took me a while to adjust to it. Death is always something I had pondered but I never thought it could’ve been something like this. Just me and my thoughts. The last conversation I had with him kept replaying in my mind. There were so many things I could’ve said or done differently. Maybe if I had just apologized he wouldn’t have gone out to eat before the show that night, maybe they would all still be alive. I would still be alive.

 I was scared about potentially going insane from being alone for so long. The longer I thought about that the more I realized that I didn’t know how long I had been in there. Besides, can the brain really go insane if there isn’t a brain to go insane? I’m a spirit now after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My questions were answered, well… kinda, when I landed back in my room. Or it used to be my room at least. The paint hadn’t changed, the pictures on the wall hadn’t changed, but the furniture had been moved and boxes were stuffed and overflowing out of the closet. When I turned I saw the CD of Reggie’s band playing in my old radio. Is that what brought me here?

The sound of it sparked one memory I didn’t realize I had. Darkness as I laid still with the same pain in my chest I had felt before.

They must’ve played it for me in the hospital.

I couldn’t stop the tears in my eyes.

I don’t know what happened after that, but one minute I was in my house the next minute I was standing on the boulevard near the beach. In front of a restaurant that looked very new.

I was so confused. Obviously I was a ghost, but this didn’t look like it was the year 1995. I ran over to the closest store and peeked into the newspaper holder. 

June 17th, 2020.

25 years? Have I really been gone that long? I looked around the boulevard. Where am I? Where did I teleport to?

Too many questions swirled around in my head, I could feel the dull throb of a migraine starting as my heart beat faster in my chest.

I finally spotted a street sign. Fairview Blvd.

Reggie. I poofed to Reggie’s house. Or where it used to be at least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had found out a few things from walking around, Reggie’s parents weren’t in town anymore. I’m assuming they got divorced and moved after the death of their son. Alex’s parents had moved as well. Luke’s parents had stayed put. His room hadn’t changed at all.

The rest of the day I spent wandering around trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing. For some reason I could hear music coming from somewhere, but every time I got close it seemed to shift its location. Basically a game of marco polo that I wasn’t enjoying.

I stayed at his parents house when I wasn’t walking around, they were the only people from my life that I could find. 

The music was still playing far away and it was slowly driving me insane. Finally I left the Patterson’s house and walked around the streets of LA some more in search of the sound.

The garage I found was the loudest the music had gotten all day. It sounded so familiar but I couldn’t place them at all. I sat outside just listening to the melodies that were no longer just a low mumble but now a full song. Eventually the music stopped. Silently I rejoiced in the fact I wouldn’t have to hear it for a while. A group stepped out of the garage startling me from my thoughts.

“Guys that was sick, Julie I love that new lyric you wrote in the chorus,” I heard a familiar voice say.

“I’m so happy with how it turned out, Flynn’s going to love it!” the girl said, she turned to face the boys as they were walking away from the garage and spotted me, “Who are you?”

I looked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone else here she could be talking to. The three boys standing with her turned and my jaw dropped.

“Reg?” I croaked out. I stood up from my spot and stumbled over before pulling him into a hug.

“(Y/n)? Oh my gosh it’s you. How’d you get here?” he said.

“I died, in a hospital. I don’t know where I went but then a few days ago I woke up at my house. I didn’t know what all had happened, Reggie I was so scared,” I sobbed into his shoulder.

He pulled me tighter into him, “It’s okay, you’re here now.”

Luke patted Alex and Julie on the shoulder, “We should give them some privacy.”

“What?” Julie protested as Luke grabbed her hand to drag her off, “But I wanna know who the dead girl is!”

“I’ll tell you later!” Alex yelled as he followed behind them.

Reggie pulled back and placed one hand on my shoulder, one hand on my cheek.

“Reggie I’m so sorry. That fight was so stupid, I shouldn’t have tried to hold you back like that.”

Reggie sighed, “No baby it wasn’t your fault. It was just a bad night for the both of us. I wanted to come back to you so bad but then we got tied up at the Orpheum and then…”

We both knew what he was going to say after that.

“Julie told me what had happened to you, she found your obituary,” Reggie said, “Why would you do that to yourself (Y/n)?” 

Tears welled up in my eyes again, “I don’t know. I was in so much pain Reggie. If I had just gone to you before and if I had been there with you guys that night you wouldn’t have gone to eat-”

“No,” Reggie said, “You can’t think like that. None of this was your fault okay?”

I nodded silently as he pulled me back into a hug.

“I missed you so much,” he said.

I placed a kiss on his cheek, “I missed you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @thebookwormlife @talksoprettyjjx  @coolreallyfuzzystudentuniverse  @igotabadfeelingabouteverything @larrystylinson-sus @lovesanimals @aunicornmademedoit @thexhotmess @ssprayberrythings @registerednursejackie @peachyxdream @catieiscute2001 @julieandthephantomsblogduh @fangirling-allday @ashleyleblancx @alltimekp @wcnderwoo @unipanda1006 @disgustedchild @aberette13 @dpaccione @whyworry27 @number-0-iz @musicconversedance @owlgirl1209 @angelxfics @hamdehlesmis @solophantomsmultis @marinettepotterandplagg @idkanymoremansstuff @carleywhittaker @joshy-obx @mochamiilk @caitsymichelle13 @kiss-themoongoodbye @noncannonships @intoanothermind @etherealexsistence @schnapp-my-neck 

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms imagine #jatp reggie #jatp imagine #jatp reggie imagine #reggie julie and the phantoms #jatp luke #jatp alex #jatp julie #julie and the phantoms one shot #julie and the phantoms x reader #jatp

[omegangrins]

A Rant on the End of Tremors 7: Shrieker Island

As the main man said,

Throwing caution to the wind because this blew up elsewhere.

If you can do it with Justice League, fuck it, let's do it for every shitty movie we've got.

While we're at it, can we change the ending of the 7th Tremors movie so *MAJOR FUCKING SPOILERS* Burt Gummer doesn't die or at least bring Jamie Kennedy back, or Marvel style recast Jon Heder, so he dies saving his son instead of a random-ass person who could have easily saved themselves. Or cut the forced montage of Burt clips at the end so his death is at least ambiguous. Seriously beyond pissed about that one. THAT is no way for him to go.

I would also like to point out that the next Tremors *HAS* to be titled Tremors 8: Ouroboros and bring everyone back for Burt's funeral . Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

I have feelings about it, people. *FEELINGS!!!*

One of my favourite childhood memories is picking out Tremors 2 from the local gas station's movie rentals and forcing my parents to watch it. I was probably 5-6 at the time.

Let's say that it's been a lifelong love affair ever since. It took me another 10 years before I even watched the 1st. Probably why I hold good sequels in such high regard.

I didn't even know about the 1st until it played as a trailer in front of 2 and never thought to watch until years later. That's a testament to its filmmaking if I ever knew one.

So seriously, that's how they chose to kill off one of the most well known and prolific characters in a movie/TV series known around the globe? With an unnecessaryily needed death and a montage of clips from all the other movies that are obviously better than this one.

And I'm saying that as someone who defends Chibnall/13th Doctor...

...and I'm fucking fuming because THIS is how you *actually* destroy something people love and hold dear to their hearts. It's like the ending of Game of Thrones. His shitty ass death has made it a loooooot harder to rewatch. And they are one of my favourite series!!! Not flawless but fun. But I will defend every other movie and all the episodes except this. Honestly I'll still defend 7/8ths of this one as well.

Like I said, it's easily fixed too. Fucking vice versa swap out Jon Heder for Jamie Kennedy, who the movies have been building up for the last two, and have Burt save his son in front of his old flame. Boom, you won't even need the montage of clips cause you can just have Travis and his mom reminisce about Burt instead. Show not tell. I don't even care he died by Graboid (although in all honesty, I've allways wanted El Blanco to take him down or Burt kills himself from the PTSD. It would have AT LEAST MADE SENSE. Hell, the best would be a heart attack to callback Val's "Yeah, Burt, the way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get a chance to survive World War Three.". But none of us ever get the best death.). And it's not even about Burt sacrificing himself to save a nobody. Cause that could work too. BUT YOU NEED TO BUILD THAT SHIT UP. Not just fucking drop it like it's hot.

Like I said too, the first 7/8ths ain't bad but it's an entirely different story than a swansong for a hero.

It's all about some billionaire scientist/cowboy hunter dude who likes to get his jollies off hunting the biggest and the baddest who ends up inviting people to this island so they can hunt down Super-Graboids he designed for shits and giggles. But then some Shrieker-fy....

And the pretentious douches come and die one by beautiful one while Burt tries to save them anyway and it's all spectacularly dumb fun until it comes crashing down in the final 10 minutes. Fuck, they should just cut the last 10 minutes. Then it's a perfect little Tremors ditty.

#RELEASETHE7THTREMORSWITH10MINUTESFROMTHEENDCUT

This isn't even about Jon Heder either. He's just doing his job. Hell, do what /u/VoiceofRonHoward pointed out.

"It is clear that Jon's character was just pasted in over Jamie's, the artifacts of the father-son relationship are all over it. They should have gone full Marvel and just replaced Jamie with Jon and acted like nothing happened."

CAUSE FUCK YES!! The only time a story sucks is when they don't commit. Commitment makes all the difference. Now, I'm pissed double-pissed they didn't do that instead since Heder and Kennedy are similar in terms of white-boy-ness.

Even Michael Gross agrees:

"Yes, yes. Now I can't presume to speak for Jamie [Kennedy]. My understanding was they asked him and he said no. And so that's why they went with somebody else. So I had nothing to do with that decision. I just heard the stories. I missed him for that reason. You begin a relationship with the character, and you want to continue it....

...As you build a relationship with this son, we had two, it would've been nice to have three, but that was the hand I was dealt."

One of my favourite bits of Tremors lore comes from the 5th too so it's not like I hate sequel changes out of hand:

"This is a warrior dance. Our ancestors hunting the lnkanyamba and the Impundulu.

"What's that?

"Impundulu. It's what you call the Ass Blaster.

"Ass Blaster.

"Yes.

"Yes.

"Hey, you know, you make Ass Blaster sound good.

Primitive cultures fighting Graboids, Shriekers and Assblasters. I just love that thought.

Hilariously, my meta opening to the 8th movie would be a flashback to 10,000 years ago and a Neanderthal-like Burt Gummer teaching others how to drive Graboids off cliffs like they did with mammoths.

Thank you for giving me the space to rant. Cause fuuuuuuhhhhhhhhuuccck!!!

Here's Michael Gross' own words from his AMA that prove the people making Shrieker Island didn't know their shit.

"The Tremors series is one very close to my heart and I want you to know how appreciated your continued effort is for your core fan base.

My only question would be were there ever any studio decisions made for Burt that you refused to comply with? Or was everybody pretty much always on the same page on what to do with the character?

Thanks again for your dedication.

- Josh"

"Thanks for the kind words, Josh. As regards the first four films, with Wilson and Maddock as the writers, we were very much on the same page. 5,6, and 7 were a bit different, because there was a 13-year hiatus between 4 and 5, and we had to refresh our memories while "reinventing" the franchise for a new audience. I will give you one example: in an early draft of Shrieker Island, a new writer wrote a draft where Burt threatened to shoot one of the bad dudes, and I had to tell him—this is true—"Burt never intentionally points his gun at another human being."

And his own thoughts on Burt's "death" and how to bring it all back together again.

Universal and the director [came] to me with this idea, and they said, 'This could be emotionally very powerful, if we have to say goodbye to this man after 30 years. And I hemmed and hawed, and I thought about it a little bit. And I said, 'You're absolutely right about the emotional gut punch this can be.' And I said, 'You're going to hurt a lot of people's feelings.' And I said, 'But I thought this franchise was over after four. So I could certainly live with it being over after seven.'

"What we negotiated -- well, it wasn't really a negotiation, we all agreed on this -- is that we kind of left the door open. >!Because although Burt is gone, we never see a corpse. We never see his remains. Everybody assumes he's gone. Is he buried somewhere? Is he unconscious somewhere? We never see Burt dead. We see Burt gone. We see Burt not returning. What does that mean? Has he been knocked out? Does he have amnesia somewhere? Does he wander off? Is he in a kind of coma? So yes, the way it ends is pretty profound."

"As regards to the end of Tremors 7, let me just say that while people ASSUME Burt is gone, we never see his remains, do we? Just sayin.'

"The only reason he has become the main character is that everyone else in the original cast moved on to other things. I NEVER thought of him as the central figure, but it just worked out that Michael Gross, like Burt Gummer, was a "survivor." :0) "

"No one would like to see it more than I!!! One of my greatest regrets is that so many other cast members fell away over time. Reba was on to other things, Kevin said no to a second, Fred said no to a third. I would LOVE one last go with all of them, but it is not up to me. :0( "

"There are no guarantees, but for those who wonder aloud if this is the final film, I will say what I have said before: SALES drive sequels, Show biz is 5% show and 95% business, so if this latest addition to the Tremors franchise, sells well, [Universal] will follow the money, and Universal Pictures Home Entertainment may will be back for more."

/u/ActorMichaelGross, the bell has been rung and the song sung. Get the producers on this ASAP!!

I was also the first person to discover the symbolic foreshadowing of Stumpy's end with Earl's sleeping bag in the original movie.

Let's just say, I really *really* love these movies. So if anyone knows anyone, hook me up to the producers of this series and I'll Justin Lin in the Fast and Furious out of this shit.

Since I don't think it's good to critique without proposing either, I say we can make up for this fuck up with the next movie. We'll call it Tremors 8: Ouroboros. After the snake which eats its own tail.

We find out Burt faked his death to get the Proudfoot Corporation to let down their guard and when everyone from the previous series comes back for Burt's fake funeral they give him ever loving shit for being such a paranoid whack-job that he would fake his death to fool a government agency. Why would he do this? He found an old photo of Hiram Gummer with a Graboid warning on the back and asks himself why this valley, why these things, why allways me? And we find out, it's not Burt. It's that lifestyles of extremes will end up in places of extremes. Burt and the Graboids are survivors of different species. Sure the Proudfoot Corporation IS using Mixmaster to combine Graboids, Shriekers, and Ass-Blasters into one super creature for the military but it pales in comparison to Burt looking at his life and wondering in shame how many ancient giants like himself he has killed. And with that, he actually dies, and we keep the ball rolling with the rest of the characters trying to stop what they allways thought was just another one of Burt's crazy conspiracies.

That's why it's Ouroboros. Everything comes back around. We could end/start the movie with Grady, Earl, and Jodi opening a Monster World in Perfection Valley a la Desert Jack's Graboid Adventure. I don't know. I'm fucking trying harder than the people they paid to do this already.

It ain't perfect but I'm building on sand here so changes are gonna get made.

Like if the makers of Tremors notice this,

Then DM me because fucking A you guys need some help.

#movies #tremors #michael gross #universal #burt gummer #Graboid #shrieker #assblaster #kevin bacon #fred ward #jon heder #jamie kennedy #death #sequel #netflix #television #direct to home #storytelling #perfection valley #nevada #guns #reba mcentire #writing #filmmaking #creator #system shock #nancy roberts #brent maddock #s.s. wilson #Ron underwood

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 26: Rocky V

(previous notes: Rocky IV)

A fifth Rocky movie if you can believe it! I saw this in the theater when it came out in 1990. My movie appreciation had become exponentially more sophisticated since the previous movie, but I remember thinking that they were going for something less formulaic when they came out with this. They even brought back the Oscar-winning director of the original Rocky, John Avildson. And surely this character was way too old to still be able to win fights against professional boxers, right? I must say, I don't remember what the story of this movie is.

The intro does a brief throwback to the original name-scroll-plus-fanfare, but now we're showing a recap of the previous movie's final fight during the credits, which promise an appearance by no less than Burgess Meredith.

Do you think there was a conversation where Sylvester Stallone condescendingly told Avildson, "hey, trust me, start the movie with three and a half minutes that is just the end of the last picture, easy money baby, cha-ching ya know?"

The story begins immediately after the Battle of Cold War Symbolism, and we see that he is experiencing physical trauma as a result of Soviet Boxing Technology.

Then we see that they had the idea to introduce a Don King-type character, a really irritating boxing promoter blindsiding him in public to get on his case about a new challenger. Do you think the promoter character will have a nuanced arc.

After a chill father-son catch-up chat, there's an awkwardly-blocked expository scene about how Paulie made some stupid mistake and got tricked into signing away millions of Rocky dollars to a sinister accountant. And then he goes to the doctor who tells him he has irreversible punch damage and can't fight any more. Conflict is looking dire. Do you think Robot Character will arrive soon to cheer us all up.

After selling all of their possessions at an auction, Rocky goes to his old hangouts. He leaves the corner bar looking defeated. They don't show how he was defeated in the bar, but that bar clearly humiliated him.

Then he goes to the old gym, and here's where we have a flashback scene of Burgess Meredith giving him a pep talk. It's kinda nice. But it still feels like we're at the point in the story right before the tide turns and suddenly Rocky is inspired to become supernaturally good at boxing once again. But that's not gonna happen; we're just twenty minutes into the movie.

Rocky has to move back into his old neighborhood. It's dirty and run down, and people gawk.

0:32:00 - For the third time in this movie, Rocky tries to charm his family with a LOOK WHAT I PULLED OUT OF YOUR EAR gag. The characters are barely charmed by this gag. We, the audience, are way way way less charmed.

Fake Don King is buzzing around a lot. He is a dick and he is annoying to every single person alive. It's effective at driving the conflict because he is so persistent at needling Rocky into maybe fighting. But the acting is cringey. Kinda the point, though, right?

Just like that, the old gym where we saw the flashback, which was abandoned and run down, is open for business and full of people. How did that happen?

0:43:30 - Okay now it is me - Zawmer! - who is about to be an unappealing bad guy because I must now report how little tolerance I have for this scene with two child actors. Rocky's son, who got bullied at school earlier, is having his first maybe-we-fancy-each-other conversation with a girl. The dialogue has no chemistry with these kid actors.

I should mention that there is a character named Tommy Gunn. He is a spirited young boxer who has found Rocky and wants Rocky to help him. He is bemulleted and earnest and good-punch-y.

Rocky is going to manage Tommy, but his son wants some attention. Feels like an artificially manufactured conflict. Plus the dumb bullies at school beat him up again. It is hard being the newly-poor child of Rocky Balboa.

0:53:25 - I probably wouldn't have caught this if I hadn't watched the first movie kind of recently, but we cut to a fight, Tommy is fighting someone and it's in the same church that started the first movie. He wins that fight and it becomes a montage of Tommy becoming increasingly successful under Rocky's coaching, plus there is evidence that Rocky's son is trying to get his dad's attention by using some of the gym equipment.

It does seem like it would be fun to make boxing-improvement montages.

Oh, the kid learning boxing was so he could get back at the bullies. Mission accomplished but he clearly thinks his dad was supposed to be even nicer about that, even though he was kind of nice. But he was in the middle of something with Tommy, I mean, come on!

Ooh, and that was just a brief interruption in the boxing-improvement montage, it keeps going. This movie is pretty generous with fun montages.

The falling out scene between Rocky and Kid is not better than a similar scene in an after school special. And it's way worse than that one anti-drugs commercial we all remember, "I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU"

Oh, but then Kid runs away and starts hanging out with Ivan Drago! Drago starts teaching him how to beat up his dad, and says something about "If he die, he die". No. No he doesn't. That doesn't happen. I was just getting a little bored there. What's true here, what's actually true, is that Kid's increasingly rebellious personality has yielded a very, very stupid looking ear chain. It is an earring… with a chain hanging off it at the exact perfect length for no human being to think it looks good. The length of that chain is the chain-length equivalent of the amount of time that Talia Shire closes her eyes that one time.

A new conflict emerges where Tommy is going to sign with Fake Don King. It turns out Rocky had no interest in making any money. You can't blame him really. Rocky's all "don't sell out". But. Dude.

Okay so Tommy Gunn, having divorced Rocky and married Fake Don King, wins the title fight and becomes the new champion. The crowd boos, and they also cheer "Rocky". Rocky is not there. Rocky is watching the fight on TV in the basement and also punching a thing because he can't help it, but the crowd at the fight is like "Rocky" and "boo". I don't quite get it.

This press conference is kind of clearing it up, see, no one thinks it was a legitimate fight, it seemed fakey. There is pandemonium and insultation! It is clearly building to some silly insistence that he, Tommy, should fight Rocky.

Tommy shows up at the bar and he's hopping mad because he ain't nobody's robot and will you accept my challenge Rocky! Fake Don King thought this would turn into an actual arena event, but it's turning into just a back-alley fight like in that Fight-y movie about that Club.

It escalates thusly. As Rocky endures cinematically beautiful flashbacks to fights from earlier movies, they punch each other beneath rumbling trains. I sound mocking but some of it is pretty visually interesting.

Interesting enough to serve as an abstract explanation for how, once again, Rocky is supernaturally good at punch-game. It may be a street brawl this time, and we may have to do without Adrian closing her eyes Just So, but once again the Rocky movie ends with him winning the fight and everyone being very very excited about that. He punches Fake Don King because of how smarmy he is, and even the priest is delighted.

There is a denouement of Rocky and Kid bonding genially by the famous steps, and then the credits roll in front of touching stills from all five movies, and an Elton John song that didn't have as much cultural impact as some other songs we've heard recently.

I guess I like the montages and the quick cinematic choices that are to be found here and there in these movies, but mostly when I think back on them it seems like they are arrangements of familiar modules. In this one, the modules were held together with more flimsy material. I was wrong to think that this movie would be less formulaic. Soon I am done with this project. Soon. SOON.

#rocky v

[needtherapy]

open always petal by petal (ch 1)

Song Lan knows his only passenger, Cao Huan, is more secrets than truths, but he's still the best passenger Song Lan has ever had: paid up front, self-sufficient, and silent.

It shouldn't matter that Cao Huan plays the guqin like his heart is broken.

It shouldn't matter that his smiles light up the darkest corners of Fuxue's passageways.

It shouldn't matter that he makes Song Lan curious, curious in a way he hasn't felt in years.

It's just an ordinary transport, a regular fare, a mostly-honest way to make a living. All they have to do is get from Sichuan Station to Caiyi Port. The galaxy may be a dangerous place, but Song Lan is very good at his job, and this should be an easy two-week trip.

The rest doesn't matter. It doesn't.

READ ON AO3

Notes: Rated E for Explicit. Title from e.e. cummings' poem "somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond". Thanks to @cirilien​, @coslyons​, @treemaidengeek​ and tucuxi (AO3) for the beta reads!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

⋆ Day 0 ⋆

The papers are fakes, Song Lan thinks, but damn good ones. It’s really only the feel of the paper—a bit too clean, a bit too smooth—that tips him off. The ID badge is probably fake too.

He examines the man standing in front of him. He’s handsome in a patrician sort of way, if a bit too thin, and nearly as tall as Song Lan himself, dressed in graceful Eastern Sector robes that rustle the way only real silk does. They’re a far cry from Song Lan’s utilitarian jacket and comfortable shirts and pants in shades of constant black, only a small step up from the uniform he used to wear.

Song Lan wonders why this obviously wealthy man would need forged travel docs. He doesn’t really care, of course. Everyone has their secrets. But he doesn’t need trouble with the Goldlighters. It’s already tricky enough to be unaffiliated without drawing the attention of the galaxy’s most powerful economic cultivation guild.

With a sigh, Song Lan fishes the comm out of a pocket and holds it to the tiny neural node on the side of his head.

[Why the fake name?] the comm speaker asks in a cheerful, melodic voice that still twinges painfully in his chest. It’s been five years. He should really get the damn thing re-coded.

Instead of being offended, the man—supposedly named Cao Huan—tilts a wry, weary smile at him.

“I had hoped to be anonymous a little longer,” he says, his elegant accent denoting excessive amounts of privilege and education. “If you require my real credentials, I can produce them.”

Song Lan shrugs and shakes his head. As long as the man is legit, he can call himself whatever he wants, but now Song Lan has another question. Frowning, he lifts the comm again.

[Why not just travel on a Goldlighter transport? You’re headed for Caiyi. It’s a major port. You know it’ll take two weeks to travel through all four sectors in my ship? The trip might be more dangerous than on a sanctioned vessel,] Xingchen’s voice asks.

Song Lan is under no illusions about his typical fares. There’s usually a good reason they want to travel without questions, and usually a good reason they choose Fuxue. He might be unaffiliated, but he’s not cheap. The galaxy is a dangerous place, and he’s very good at his job. In ten years, he’s only lost one person. It was, however, the only one who mattered.

“I am returning to my family after...some time away. I am in no hurry,” Cao Huan answers, with an edge that Song Lan takes to mean the topic is closed.

Well, he’s happy to take the man’s money; he paid extra to be the only passenger. Song Lan shrugs again and motions for Cao Huan to follow him on a very short tour: kitchen, guest bedrooms, sonic lavs, the foolishly indulgent bath, infirmary, bridge, engineering, cargo bay, plus half a dozen corridors that serve as storage, computer terminals, short-term passenger seating, and whatever else Song Lan needs them to be. He’s even strung up hammocks in emergencies.

[Make yourself at home,] he says with a nod and quick, slanted smile.

“Thank you Captain Song,” the man says with a wide, genuine smile that starts in the corner of his mouth and spreads, opening like a flower across his face. It surprises Song Lan in a way he can’t quite articulate, as though neither of them expected today to hold any need for smiles. “I have been told you are the best pilot, and I look forward to the journey.”

Song Lan finishes prepping Fuxue with supplies for the two-week flight, plus extras, because it’s always better to plan for the worst. He checks to make sure his one luxury—six skeins of outrageously expensive qiviut yarn—is carefully stowed in waterproof cases. Having warm socks and something to do with his hands in the long dark expanse of space is worth any price. Cao Huan busies himself with loading his own gear, waving Song Lan away when he offers to help.

“Commander Song! Commander Song Lan!”

Song Lan turns at the familiar voice calling a half-forgotten title, but it takes him a minute to recall the person: Ouyang Ju. They had served together some ten years ago in the war that brought down the Wen High Chancellor. Fat lot of good that had done.

“Man, it is you! Haven’t seen you in ages,” Ouyang grins, slapping Song Lan on the back. “How’s it going?”

Song Lan tries not to flinch. He has never understood the need people have to touch each other when they’re talking. It’s annoying. He smiles and tips his head, the universal motion for a polite and disengaged fine, and hopes he won’t have to elaborate. It’s not that he doesn’t like using the comm. He would just rather not use it.

Alright, maybe it’s that he doesn’t like using it.

The man’s face twists with sudden, embarrassed recollection, and Song Lan knows what’s coming next.

“Sorry to hear about your partner and...everything,” the older man says with an apologetic grimace. “He was a great guy.”

[He was,] Song Lan acknowledges, giving in to the blasted voice box. [Thanks.]

“Hey, I’m XO on the Goldlight Ren,” Ouyang nods at the huge transport vessel resting in the nearby docking bay, just visible through wide banks of windows designed, Song Lan assumes, to show off the might and power of the ships that travel here. Nothing like Fuxue, who might be ninety meters if he squints just right, can be flown by a single person, and only requires a landing pad.

“Anything you ever need, you tell me, okay? I owe you.” Without waiting for a response, Ouyang strides away, whistling a fairly dirty bar song.

Song Lan watches him go, wishing it was that easy, wishing he could reduce the war to favors performed, a series of tit-for-tat exchanges that balance to zero instead of a perpetually-red loss column.

Wishes are pointless. Only the road ahead matters.

Song Lan sees his new passenger idly poking through a bag, head dipped away, back turned, and something about his posture rings a distant alarm bell in Song Lan’s mind. He has flown the route from Sichuan Base to Caiyi Port hundreds of times in his life. It should feel exactly the same as every other trip. And yet this time, he senses trouble brewing, and he does not like it.

⋆ Day 3 ⋆

Other than the unexpected music, it’s almost like flying alone. Cao Huan seems to have a sixth sense for knowing where Song Lan will be and avoiding him. He only occasionally catches glimpses of the tall man, white robes swirling behind him as he disappears through doorways or around corners.

It suits Song Lan just fine, and he laughs to himself about his initial concern. Cao Huan is the best passenger Song Lan has ever had: paid up front, self-sufficient, and silent. Song Lan finishes his first sock less than two days out of port, a record.

The only place he consistently runs into his passenger is in the kitchen. After the third day, it occurs to Song Lan that, as strange as it seems, it must be on purpose. Song Lan gets the definite impression that Cao Huan waits for him to arrive before he eats, as though it’s some ceremony he wishes to observe.

There’s no good reason for it, but Song Lan starts to eat his meals at the narrow kitchen table too. After all, there’s no reason not to, either. He just doesn’t usually eat in the kitchen. He’s grateful to discover that conversation is not the reason Cao Huan prefers company; meals continue to be quiet, peaceful affairs.

“Captain Song?”

Cao Huan’s voice startles Song Lan into dropping the knife he’s using to stir his...whatever this goop is.

“My apologies, but...will you join me for tea tomorrow morning? It is not as enjoyable to drink tea by myself.”

Without meaning to, Song Lan looks at the cabinet that contains the “tea” and “coffee,” thinking, it’s never enjoyable to drink that swill, and Cao Huan laughs.

It’s only a laugh on the barest technicality, a soft huff of air, but it changes things so profoundly, Song Lan has trouble staying on his feet. Suddenly, Cao Huan is a person, not a passenger, not a potential problem. The word no forms in his head even as he feels himself nodding.

Cao Huan smiles and inclines his chin, pleased, and Song Lan finds himself smiling back. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He’s not usually so soft-hearted. Xingchen was the nice one, he reminds himself, and look how that turned out. The cruelty is the only way he can snap himself out of the whispering camaraderie, a pointless train of thought, and back into his role as captain of a ship, nothing more.

[Captain, your attention is required.]

As if to punctuate the computer’s notification, an alarm sounds—unexpected, as this part of space should be smooth and easy sailing. Song Lan grimaces, shrugging apologetically.

“I’m coming,” he signs to the computer’s security camera, before running back to the bridge.

It turns out to be nothing major, only a debris field. Either a small ship had a catastrophe here or a large ship dumped trash. Neither option is particularly heartening. Bad enough if ships are carelessly leaving obstructions on a primary transit route, worse if a ship has been attacked and destroyed here where it should be safe. He knows the Joint Senate is doing its best, and Hanguang-jun, the new chairman, is by far the best leader the four sectors have had in decades, but it’s hard to protect everyone.

There’s no signs of life anywhere after three scans, and Song Lan steers them out of the mess before he resumes course and autopilot.

He doesn’t go back to the kitchen, though.

It isn’t wise, he tells himself, to think of passengers as anything but temporary. Even if they seem nice, even if they’re friendly, they always reach their destination and move on. That’s what he likes about flying transport.

Like clockwork, at 8 pm the music starts. The first night on the ship, Song Lan had thought he was going crazy, hearing the eerie twang of an instrument he didn’t think still existed outside of private art collections.

But no, his passenger had been seated in the mostly-empty cargo bay, eyes closed, playing the guqin. An actual wooden guqin. The music had echoed through the hold, wrapping its notes around Song Lan and reverberating in his chest. He had listened with a mix of disbelief and reverence to the beautiful melody flowing from the fingers of the obviously skilled musician. He listened, in fact, until Cao Huan lifted his hands off the strings and sighed, a long, plaintive sound of grief that piqued Song Lan’s curiosity more than was healthy, and he’d hurried away before Cao Huan noticed him.

The next night had been the same, the music winding into access shafts, around the bridge, even through engineering.

Which Song Lan knows, because he tried all of those places to escape it.

Tonight, though, he gives up. If he is going to be treated to an impromptu concert by a master musician every night, he may as well enjoy it. He knits on the catwalk over the cargo hold and listens, wondering if the song has words, wondering what it means to Cao Huan, wondering how long you had to practice to make the guqin sound like an ocean of sorrow.

⋆ Day 4 ⋆

Evidently, Cao Huan had not been referring to Fuxue’s stores of tea.

He had his own.

Song Lan tells himself to stop being surprised that a man who carries a guqin and can afford a private transport would have a jar of aged white tea that smells like honey and the summer sun. He sits at the table across from Cao Huan and watches him gracefully pour tea, holding back his draping sleeve with one hand.

Cao Huan notices Song Lan’s raised eyebrows.

“You must think me overly indulgent,” he says, pouring his own cup. “I am not particular about many things, but I do enjoy good tea. I am fortunate that it is something my...my family can provide.”

Oh, Song Lan thinks, his family must be tea merchants, which does explain quite a bit, and he feels a little guilty for judging the man on appearances. He wonders if it’s flash-cloned or actually soil-grown, and he peers into the cup, considering the color and shape of the leaves he can see, as though they will give him an answer.

“It is soil-grown,” Cao Huan answers Song Lan’s curious thought, and smiles when Song Lan looks startled. “It is the obvious question. Unless you were seeking your fate in the leaves?”

Song Lan snorts, and Cao Huan laughs again, again that soft exhale that feels more intimate than raucous laughter. It highlights faint lines around his eyes and softens his usually-tranquil angular features with a hint of playful teasing.

“Perhaps you do not believe in fate? Or perhaps you do not believe tea can tell the future. It is considered a noble art, Captain Song. Could so many fortune-telling market grannies be wrong?”

Song Lan laughs, a sadly rusty sound, he thinks with an internal wince, and shakes his head. The man looks pleased.

“Captain Song, may I ask a nosy question?”

Sometimes when people say things like that, they mean I am going to ask a nosy question whether you like it or not, but Cao Huan sounds sincere. Song Lan considers. With a sigh, he finds the comm.

[You may ask. I can’t guarantee that I can answer.]

The man’s mouth twitches in an almost smile. “That is fair. It is only...I noticed you signed to the camera yesterday. Do you…” he pauses, seeming to reevaluate his question, which is good, because Song Lan has frozen.

He forces himself to relax. Hand sign languages are no longer illegal, but he still can’t stop the fluttering fear from pooling in his gut.

“Does the computer understand your hand signs?” Cao Huan finishes, and Song Lan practices breathing normally.

[Yes. It’s easier to sign than find the comm sometimes, especially if I’m in a hurry,] he says through the little speaker, only a little defiantly. He won’t let this man shame him.

“Would you prefer to speak this way?” Cao Huan asks, lifting his hands and signing as he speaks.

Song Lan just stares at him.

And stares.

And stares until Cao Huan’s eyebrows raise. “If you would rather not…”

“No, I do prefer it,” Song Lan signs hurriedly, not wanting him to withdraw the offer. “It’s just...unusual to find someone who knows hand signs these days.”

The High Chancellor had been a paranoid and suspicious man, and he had outlawed the use of hand signs decades ago, fearing them to be the language of bandits and assassins. He wasn’t entirely wrong; hunters and thieves did use the signs, but so did countless others. His replacement, who preferred to be called Xiandu, wasn’t much better. All in all, almost thirty years passed before the current Joint Senate legalized them again after Xiandu’s death three years ago. In so many places around the four sectors, the sign languages that correlated to the spoken languages have been lost entirely.

Song Lan had learned the sign language after Xingchen died five years ago, after he was left for dead, after he decided he was done with the future. His teacher was a wizened old woman on an unaffiliated space station, Rogue Sky, and she was most likely one of the High Chancellor’s feared bandits. Song Lan hadn’t cared then and he didn’t care now. All he knew was that she’d refused to let him wallow in misery, no matter how much he felt he’d earned it.

Song Lan still takes her snowflake cakes whenever he’s near Qinghe space. It’s the least he can do.

Cao Huan nods in acknowledgement, still signing as he talks. Even though it’s unnecessary, Song Lan finds he likes watching, the words and motions blending together to make something wholly different.

“I have always loved languages. This one is particularly beautiful and unique.” He grins suddenly, eyes twinkling with mischief, and the expression turns his face brilliantly luminous. “Plus, it was an appealing novelty to learn something forbidden.”

Song Lan’s first reaction to the man’s captivating smile is an unwelcome surprise. Instinctively, he covers his embarrassment—which he hopes has gone unnoticed—with something he’s more familiar with.

“I did not have the luxury of enjoying the novelty,” his fingers cut angrily through the air. “I was taught illegally on an unaffiliated station by a former bandit, but it was better than never speaking again.”

Swiftly he stands and goes back to his room to berate himself. He isn’t sure which is worse, yelling at his passenger or feeling a knee-buckling surge of desire for him. He has no business doing either.

Song Lan flops on his bed and stares at the ceiling, at the sword that hangs above his head. Shuanghua, Xingchen’s pride and joy, the sword he brought with him when he joined Song Lan’s crew, the sword that couldn’t save him in the end. Couldn’t save either of them. The guilt throbs in his gut, as familiar as the vibrations of Fuxue’s heart, and he sinks into it. This is an emotion he understands.

[Captain, do you need assistance?] his computer asks, and Song Lan wants to laugh. It seems that even Fuxue thinks he’s being a moody child.

He shakes his head and signs to the camera. “What would you do if I did? I’m the captain and the crew.”

The computer is silent, the question apparently having stumped the AI.

[Zichen, do you want to talk about it?]

“No,” his hands say emphatically. He’s not an expert, but he’s pretty sure it’s not going to help to get a psych eval from a computer that’s using his dead partner’s voice.

“Captain Song?”

And now Cao Huan is on the other side of the door. Why can’t everyone just let him sulk in peace?

“Captain Song, I profoundly apologize. It was a terrible, insensitive thing I said, and I am so sorry. It is not an excuse but...I have not been around...people much lately. Evidently I am still quite bad at it. I will not disturb you…”

Song Lan yanks open the door.

“It’s nothing,” he signs slowly, calmly. “I overreacted.” Song Lan smiles ruefully. “I’m not around people much either. Thank you for the tea.”

Cao Huan blinks in surprise, and his face shifts through a series of expressions Song Lan doesn’t recognize before landing on careful neutrality.

“You’re welcome. I...I would be happy to share tea with you every day. If you wish.”

He looks like he’s considering saying something else, but he doesn’t, just nods his head once and goes. Song Lan doesn’t exactly watch him walk down the passageway, one fist resting on the small of his back, but he doesn’t not watch him either.

⋆ Day 5 ⋆

Song Lan is amused to discover that Cao Huan is insatiably curious about everything on Fuxue. It’s not hard to believe he’s been isolated for a while. He is unfailingly polite, and still mostly avoids Song Lan, but occasionally, Song Lan finds him in the oddest places: staring at the engines, examining at the computer core, meditating on the catwalk, sorting through supplies in the infirmary. Song Lan wonders if he’s bored.

He finds Cao Huan on the bridge one day, running his lithe musician’s fingers over the flight panel, murmuring something to himself. Song Lan knows as soon as Cao Huan is aware of his presence. He doesn’t startle, exactly, but he stiffens and steps back slightly. His face, when he turns to Song Lan, though, is tranquil and uncomplicated.

“My pardon, Captain,” he nods, and steps to the side as though he intends to move past Song Lan, but for once, Song Lan is curious.

“Were you talking to Fuxue?” he asks before Cao Huan looks away.

Cao Huan’s neck flushes, and he shrugs. “I have heard these Jian-class AIs have distinctive personalities, as it were. I prefer to err on the side of caution.”

Song Lan doesn’t understand what he means, but Cao Huan is still blushing, the tips of his ears turning a distracting shade of pink, and it makes him want to know.

“I don’t understand,” he says, and Cao Huan sighs.

“I was introducing myself,” he explains. “It seemed courteous.”

Song Lan can’t help his smile. He wonders if Cao Huan introduced himself to Fuxue with his real name.

“Yes, Fuxue is somewhat unique,” he agrees. “My...my partner was a gifted tech, and he gave her more autonomy than is customary since we flew alone so often.”

Cao Huan nods. “So I gathered. She tells me about him sometimes. Is her voice…” he pauses, noticing the look of surprise on Song Lan’s face. “Is that strange?”

Fuxue talks to Song Lan, and of course, she used to talk to Xingchen—one of the reasons, Song Lan suspects, that his ship is so unusual. Talking to Xingchen for extended periods of time would make anyone a bit odd. But as far as he knows, the ship has never spoken to any other passenger, much less talked to them about Xingchen. He can’t decide why Fuxue would start now, whether it’s a bug in the programming or something about Cao Huan specifically.

“Yes,” Song Lan acknowledges. “She still manages to surprise me sometimes.” He smiles up at the camera in the corner of the room and adds, “Don’t make trouble, my love.”

“I believe she likes the music,” Cao Huan says, stepping around Song Lan and moving into the passageway. “I apologize again for intruding on your bridge.” He smiles, a minute flicker, and Song Lan catches his sleeve impulsively, probably foolishly.

“You are welcome on the bridge any time,” he signs swiftly, before Cao Huan can leave. “Whether I am here or not.”

Cao Huan considers for a moment and nods, his smile a little wider, a little more genuine, and Song Lan doesn’t regret his words at all.

⋆ Day 7 ⋆

“How did you learn this?” Cao Huan asks one day, touching the toe of the sock Song Lan is knitting.

They are sitting in the two bridge seats, and Song Lan is working through a heel turn, shaping the rows to reinforce the curve. He finishes the section before he sets down the sock to answer.

“I learned when I was a boy. I grew up with scrappers, and there was a lot of downtime.”

Cao Huan is silent, rubbing the soft wool between his fingers, and Song Lan wonders why he bothered to ask.

“Would you like to learn?” Song Lan asks, and Cao Huan shakes his head slowly.

“Yes, but I am not certain I will ever...I do not know what my future holds. There may be no point in learning.”

He sounds so bleak and disappointed, dozens of questions pop in and out of Song Lan’s head, and he firmly shuts them behind a door. He isn’t going to intrude on this man’s private life.

“There is always value in learning something new,” he signs instead, and Cao Huan smiles ruefully.

“You sound like my brother,” he says, then snaps his mouth closed and hides the expressiveness of his face behind the neutral mask Song Lan is beginning to recognize, even if he’s still not certain what it means.

“Mm,” he agrees, one of the few sounds he can still make. To his surprise, Cao Huan laughs.

“Now you truly do sound like him. He is not a man of many words, but he is very eloquent with noncommittal sounds,” Cao Huan explains when Song Lan looks puzzled.

“You’re close?” Song Lan asks, and the shuttered expression returns.

Still, the man answers after a pause. “Yes, we were, but...he is gone now, living his own life. I am proud of him, but...it makes going home seem...different.”

Every word is reluctantly spoken, as though giving shape to them makes them dangerous. Song Lan vows not to ask any other questions, but Cao Huan keeps talking, and he can’t very well tell him to stop, either.

“Home used to mean people, but...they are grown or changed or…” his eyes close in obvious pain, and Song Lan wants to tell him to stop or distract him with a starboard nebula, but there’s nothing, just this palpable misery.

“Or gone,” he finishes. “Home is only a place now. It should be enough but…”

Song Lan understands this much at least.

“It’s too quiet.” He finishes Cao Huan’s sentence, and he means that home has always been Fuxue, but it no longer hums with love and laughter and Xingchen. It is the same place it was five years ago, but...it isn’t.

Abruptly, Cao Huan leans forward and squeezes Song Lan’s knee, his face softening in sympathy. It’s only a brief touch, but Song Lan’s body reacts like the brush of fingers is a line of electricity, both sharp and crushing, nothing like he expected, not that he could ever have expected this particular cataclysm. Has it been so long, he wonders, since someone touched him with kindness?

He stands, covering his sudden need to escape by hunting through one of the storage bins for a bigger set of knitting needles and a chunkier-gauge yarn. He sets them on Cao Huan’s lap.

“You may as well learn,” he signs with an easy smile. “We still have a week of travel left.”

Cao Huan laughs in disbelief when Song Lan shows him how to cast the yarn onto the needle, but he turns out to be a quick study, which Song Lan should have expected, given his dexterity with the guqin. Song Lan admits to himself that he likes the way the man’s face lights with the satisfaction of meeting a challenge, even more the way he brandishes a square of fairly smooth rows with such pride.

The quiet stretches out like a lazy cat, broken by the sound of clicking needles, and it settles serenely over Song Lan. Usually on transports, he is busy every waking moment, herding children, answering questions, sometimes even preventing bloodshed. He could get used to this uneventful kind of trip.

As if the gods have heard his thoughts, a piercing blue alarm sounds. Not an environmental emergency. Blue is an enemy attack.

Song Lan jams his needles into the yarn and tosses the whole bundle into the corner before turning to the screens, grabbing the yoke with one hand and snapping the comm headset onto his neural node with the other.

Where? he asks Fuxue through their mental link, and Xingchen’s voice relays the coordinates through the overhead speakers: 403 225 687.

He enlarges the image. Junk pirates. A mini-fleet of five. It could be worse, it could be Red Robe mercs or Goldlighters or soldiers of any major faction, but he isn’t looking forward to a run and gun. He scours the sector for a nearby...anything. There’s an asteroid field and two tiny stations, one in either direction, all so much further than is particularly helpful. He makes a decision and changes course, doubling back on the pirates and surging past them.

[Cao Huan, we have pirates,] he says via the comm. [We’re going to try to outrun them first.] He doesn’t bother explaining what the other option is.

“Give me tactical control,” Cao Huan says, calm and insistent, and even though he has no reason to think this man has ever even flown a ship before, Song Lan flips on the secondary pilot display and unlocks the manual gun controls.

[Fuxue is adapted for neural node. You’ll have to shoot manually, but it might at least scare them off,] he explains.

Cao Huan grins. “Or I might surprise you, Captain Song.”

He does, of course. Song Lan is busy avoiding the pirates’ attacks, so he can’t watch as carefully as he suspects he'd like to, but his new co-pilot seems to be racing through calculating targeting coordinates like he’s half computer. Interestingly, he isn’t aiming to destroy, only damage, and he knocks out the first two ships’ navigational cores with single, identical, virtually impossible shots.

Fuxue is easily faster than one of the ships, and Cao Huan clips its starboard wing, only dislodging the thruster, before they pull away. It’s enough to send the forty-meter ship spinning out of control in the opposite direction.

The last two though...they’re a problem. The smaller of the two has an expert pilot and gunner, and Fuxue takes several hits. One explodes against the side of the lifeboat bay, others destroy sensor arrays and scatter pieces of shielding into space. They’re going to have to do something drastic or they aren’t going to survive this.

[Rolleram?] he asks Cao Huan, not entirely sure if he’ll understand, but he nods once and waits for Song Lan to turn.

Song Lan rolls Fuxue in an arc and flies directly at the larger ship, avoiding a few shots before dodging around the ship on its right side, swooping down, using the ship as a blind. With a hard bank, he brings Fuxue up on the other side of the big pirate ship. The smaller ship is right in front of them, a perfect shot.

[Now!] he yells, but Cao Huan has already fired the phaser cannons, and without even looking, Song Lan knows he’s calculated Fuxue’s path and the pirate’s trajectory perfectly.

[Target disabled,] Fuxue confirms. [Nice shot, XO.]

Cao Huan’s mouth tips in the corner. “Thank you, Fuxue,” he says.

Song Lan shakes his head at them both. Since when did the passenger become his executive officer, and who thanks a ship’s AI?

But there’s no time to celebrate. The last ship, the largest ship, is less agile than Fuxue, but more heavily armed and is throwing everything at them in a last ditch effort. With a jarring lurch, Fuxue shudders, and Song Lan grimaces.

[Port wing…]

[Yes I know,] he snaps. He only barely has enough rudder to pivot Fuxue, pure luck more than anything. They won’t survive one more impact like that.

“Wei Drop?” Cao Huan suggests, and Song Lan snorts.

[Play dead?] No one who has ever seen the Wei Drop is fooled by it twice. But even as he derides the idea, he realizes it might work. It’s going to have to. Cao Huan is a good enough shot, and they don’t have a lot of choices left.

[Fine, but if this doesn’t work, you owe me a ship,] he says, killing Fuxue’s engine, shutting down all the systems, and letting his ship slowly start to drift oh-so-subtly in a circle.

It works. He can’t believe it works, but the pirates stop shooting, probably reluctant to break their new salvage any more than necessary, and coast toward Fuxue.

When Fuxue has made a full rotation, when Song Lan can almost see the attacking crew through the shielded fore windows, he looks at Cao Huan, who nods.

It happens so fast, the two of them working in unison to flip on all the power, stabilize Fuxue, take aim, and fire twice. At the last second, the pirate ship banks, trying to escape the shot, but they’re too close, far too close, and instead of disabling the wing or navigation, or whatever Cao Huan was aiming for, the ship explodes in a blinding blast of nuclear white light.

The last thing Song Lan thinks, the last thing he has time to think before the shockwave hits them, is Xingchen is going to be so mad about his ship.

#the untamed #cql #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #lan xichen #song lan #lanlan #space au #in which there is knitting and space battles #tea and music #and both of these wounded men get to heal a little #Kristina writes tiny stories #this one is medium sized

[vyvesvi]

updated top albums list + recommended tracks from each bc im bored lol

*tentatively* in order

unnatural - wjsn | recommended songs: all of them (especially unnatural, supermoon, and yalla) except for rewind | skips: just rewind bc ballad /// im not sure what style to call this album but they really made such a smash, its crazy that it came out so early in the year and no gg is touching it (album wise). literally the only complaints i have are the obligatory ballad (that they always do bc they can all sing lmfao), the album cover/title (dont love the cover design and i dont love when the album name is the tt name, except in certain circumstances (a full album (especially where the title isnt necessarily from the title track) like montero) or when it's a single album (the inverse of this being rsq's prequel which couldve just been called colorfull since that was the only damn song 😐)). i also was disappointed with the outfits for last dance but that's peripheral.

timeabout, - yukika | recommended songs: insomnia & secret | skips: none /// okay to keep it very real im genuinely scared that she'll never surpass soul lady. i love, and i mean LOVE timeabout, but soul lady was on another plane of existence. like she could've held that album a little bit

the other side of the moon - gwsn | recommended songs: like it hot, starry night, i cant breathe | skips: i sing, depending on my mood /// i dont have much commentary tbh,this is just a very solid mini idk. id like to see a fusion of i cant breathe/tweaks/after the bloom/burn, maybe on their next mini. i love their brighter stuff but maybe a darker concept next (halloween cb pls pls pls)

montero - lil nas x | lowkey too soon for me to pick recommended songs but i'll say montero, scoop, lost in the citadel, sun goes down, and am i dreaming for now. will update! | skips: none /// i cant say that this is this year's sawayama bc sawayama was kinda more like a collection of really strong singles? whereas i feel like these songs shine as an album. i dont even know what to say except that im soooo surprised and impressed because i didnt know that this is the type of music he made???? like he raps but theres a lot of singing? not like belting but definitely not rapping. its kinda...alt ish? in some places? if i had to use ine genre to describe the whole album id probably say alt pop? idk but whatever it is it's definitely working

hide & seek - purple kiss | recommended songs: zombie & so why (tbh all of them) | 2am and zzzz depend on my mood but theyre def not full skips /// no bad song on the album this is crazy....i might rerank since i just listened to it for the first time but as of now idk, its good im just super impressed. ponzona wasnt for me but this cb theyre really doing all the things, lovr tht for them

produced by: [myself] - onlyoneof | recommended songs: coy & night flight | question mark depends on my mood /// im still mad at them (read: 8d) sooooo...idk. i can’t really listen to their music rn. but this mini is still good

play game: holiday - weeekly | recommended songs: check it out, weekend, holiday party | i like memories of summer rain and la luna but it depends on my mood /// very cohesive mini, def their best overall imo! not much to say, but i hope jiyoon gets well soon TTTT

enchant - orbit | recommended songs: gokurakuchouka & never gonna get away but also all of them except flor lunar | skips: flor lunar is nice but boring /// i need kpoppies to get into it im tired of being here alone cmon y’all

set - woodz | recommended songs: feel like | skips: none /// i prefer his bright tracks but this mini was solid as usual. where is the full album tho seungyoun hmmm????

guess who - itzy | recommended songs: sorry not sorry, tennis (0:0), kidding me | skips: in the morning, occasionally wild wild west /// i remember being very surprised that i liked this album, especially given that i dont like mitm. not anything groundbreaking but still solid. i think the naming of tennis (0:0) was really clever

intersection: trace - bae173 | recommended songs: green light, loved you | skips: none (sometimes the intro tho) /// honestly their music is really good??? mbk just hasn’t promoted them well, i feel like they make it a little hard to stan...i really appreciate that they’re not doing the stereotypical hard bg concept thing

lilac - iu | recommended songs: coin, flu, ah puh, troll | skips: honestly id have to relisten, some of the songs a lil boring but idr them at the moment

hello future - nct dream | recommended songs: hello future, life is still going on | skips: idr tbh, probably hot sauce though //// was very surprised that i liked this album, but the outro of hello future really got me after a few listens so i had to check it out. very decent!

killa - mirae | recommended songs: killa, sweet dreams, 1 thing | skips: none really but all of the bsides are a little mid tbh /// i will be 1000% honest in saying that the three reasons this allbum made this list are 1.) killa (the tt), 2.) none of the songs are bad, 3.) lien’s vocals. something about lien....he really just sells whatever song he’s on. his belting >>>>>>>>>>>. he makes their music very enjoyable to listen to, next in that department would be junhyuk. based on their most recent cb, siyoung and khael also contribute a lot as well. shame that the rest of the cb album kinda does nothing for me idk. random but i would really like a gg to cover higher and/or killa

& - loona | recommended songs: ur, ptt | skips: a different night, dance on my own /// these r my girls but this is not their best. ur is wonderful though, and ptt is addicting somehow. wow and be honest are fine but really not their best. i like wow’s choreo tho! 

albums im excited to listen to (no particular order):

last year was weird volume 3, tkay maidza (i’ve already listened to a bunch of it but i need to sit and just listen to the whole thing)

troubled paradise, slayyter (same as above, but i didn’t even realize it came out this year, i thought it was old for some reason lol)

jo1, challenger (every song of theirs i hear i like pretty much so i need to take an organized look at them lmfao)

jo1, stranger (same as above)

only lovers left, woodz (duhhh its woodz. not out yet but im excited! i do prefer his brighter concepts and this def isn’t that. he says its not gonna be like what he’s done before but the title and concept photo that’s out rn is giving lift up)

the book of us: negentropy - chaos swallowed up in love, day6 (the title kinda bored me but we’ll see. also sungjin’s gone so.....................we’ll see.)

ancient dreams in a modern land, marina (i barely got past venus fly trap because its soooooo good. i’ve listened to a little after that but the songs i heard didn’t really compare. i have to give it a shot tho)

the chaos chapter: fight or escape, txt (i liked the blue hour mini so i need to give them a chance i suppose)

333, tinashe (i just feel like i should idk)

honorable mentions (no particular order):

blue hour, txt - discovered this year, came out last year. retroactively makes the 2020 albums list bc whew the market research that went into that thing paid off

hula hoop/ starseed ~kakusei~, loona (why tf does the album not have a name) - duhhh loona + synths = a smash. in fact like i said when it dropped i dont even wanna call them loona anymore. this is kongetsu no shoujo!!! this isn’t on my top albums list because im counting as two songs and my limit is 3. i might add it anyways lmfao. we’ll see

ugly beauty, jolin tsai - discovered this year, came out in 2018. i just really like jolin tsai idk. i had only heard that album w play and i’m not yours, both are iconic but the production quality sounds...low? like its older but ik they’re not *that* old. either way, ugly beauty does everything i wanted it to - dramatic, vocals, rapping, boa vibes...jolin tsai is a queen what can i say

also, there are of course a ton of singles that i love as well, this is albums only though lmfao. i have no idea if i could even attempt to organize the singles lol

#vyvesvi's year #song rec

[magic-multicolored-miracle]

When you can’t sleep, watch a movie. Be confused. (Shye Watches Moonwalkers)

That was...certainly a fuckin movie. 

I don’t know how I feel...maybe someone else will read my contextless ramblings and be able to tell me for me. 😅

Ah,  war flashbacks. Good. Always a good place to start.

That was...quite the opening title sequence

Actually, we can blame you. You're you. And apparently an idiot.

Mm. Yes. Poetry.

Great plan...there's no way that's ever going to backfire

He's cheerful. And so very observant.

I think his dress sense is the only thing he's got going for himself actually...

0 parts of this plan are going to go well. Absolutely 0 parts. But also why the fuck would you just start talking before actually confirming who the man was?

I love him for immediately balking at Lolita and then faking a panic attack to huff glue. Brilliant.

Yes. You do. Look exactly like that kind of people.

Yeah, I'm with the maid on this one, lets get the fuck outta here

You criticized Jonny's fashion sense and you're fuckin wearing that.

You're a douche and I'd like you to die. Watching you get the shit kicked out of you was a pleasant option though, I'll take it.

And that, boys and girls, is why when you're scheming to rip someone off, you make sure everyone is fully lucid and on the same page. Maybe leave the cocaine at home...

I'm not into the beard-y beardness but the rest of the spaced out hippie thing is a Look. I'm digging the unbuttoned shirt, ripped jeans thing. Relaxed. Comfortable.

Of course it's this fucking song. Has there ever been a drug scene or surrealist thing set in the 70s that didn't use Jefferson Fuckin Airplane. I mean I Iove this song but seriously...

I'm so uncomfortable...

Don't leave poor Leon behind!

I think Kidman's worse news. You're fine.

Have you considered seeing someone, or doing something about those anger issues?

I don't think that's how shotguns work...but alrighty

Why were there aliens in your Hamlet? And why do I want to turn that into a euphemism for doing Too Much?

Where the fuck are you going to manage that from?

Aww, the tiger-pigs are cute. He's cute with them.

Just give in and fuck her Kidman, we all know you're going to eventually.

Children. High, ridiculous children. I love them.

That uh doesn't look good...who is this agent-y looking guy?

Jonny, can you maybe tell the truth for 2 seconds? Has that ever fuckin occurred to you?

Can we go back to the very horny guy (musician?). I think I care more about him than Very Angry Kidman. Who just needs to listen to Leon, take some drugs and chill.

That's maybe too much chill...

Oooh he worked for That Guy. That's not going to end well

No. No more drugs. Bad plan.

I like Ella, a lot. She is cute and very sweet.

He is on a very different level of trip. Damn. You okay my dude?

Hey, ants! 🤣 maybe they were just bad co-stars and that’s why he was flicking them!

Honestly they're all lovely except Jonny, bringing everything down.

That's an ass...a hairy ass. Orgy? Oops?

Now who the fuck's this guy? There are too many weaselly "that is probably a man but his face gives me bad vibes" white guys in this movies. And that doesn't even count Rupert Grint in fake sideburns (since that's less about his face and more his attitude. And his bad sideburns).

Ok he's CIA. That feels worse somehow.

Poor Glen honestly.

I would like to hug Leon and have a proper, carefully dosed trip with him. In a secure, relaxed location. Because mushrooms' effects should not be this bad or have so many side effects. Not that I would know...moving on.

They can edit that...probably...

So this is going to be a kill everyone solution? That is not at all what I expected for the direction of this movie...what?!

Did Jonny die, or just knock himself out?

Why were the CIA guys trying to kill everyone? Did I miss something?

Why would you lie and tell him that? Is it because he's a fuck up and you feel bad for him?

Aww, she came with them! Cute!

I recognize these cords...what song is this? Oh, okay! Now I know, just needed the lyrics

What. a. Ride.

#Shye watches Moonwalkers #perhaps not my best choice when I'm in a weird mood and can't sleep #but we did it anyway #semi-liveblogging #might need to revisit this one another time #see if it makes more sense the second time around