#im still so so mad about it now

[dearreader]

.

#DONT READ IM RANTING #JUST IGNORE #i’m thinking about when i was in my sorority and i had to set up an alter for dia de los muertos #like… someone asked me a week before the cut off date to sign up was #and no one offered to lend a hand #and i’m literally white jewish and irish #and most times when i would ask for help i admit i was being annoying and pushy and the girls had a right to ignore me #but on god the fact that the girls wanted me to do that holiday and then offered zero help #i was going and asking girls for decorations for the alter who i was told had stuff #and they’d get upset at me for doing it #no one offered anything besides a photo and just expected me to figure it out #and i did do a bunch of research on what everything meant on the alter and i love that i know that now #but i couldn’t get anything together and the actual alter when it was done looked SO BAD my friend sol had to start grabbing stuff from #her room to help make it look decent #and that was RIGHT AFTER MY DAD HAD HIS BRAIN SURGERY #and i wasn’t really wanting to tell anyone about it because it was personal #and i only mentioned it to the president at the event and she looked absolutely horrified that i had been going through that #like i’m just so annoyed and pissed about this #that was literally an event i was set up to fucking fail #im still so so mad about it now #sorority tag

[soggisquid]

I just realized I don’t think I ever posted this here so here’s a Luke if he got a different fit for plvsaa

#I’m pretty sure this is over a year old at this point #but I don’t hate it so I’ll post it now #UGH WHY DIDNT THEY GIVE THE MAIN CAST MEDIEVAL FITS IM STILL MAD ABOUT THAT #professor layton #luke triton #pl vs aa #professor layton vs phoenix wright #professor layton vs ace attorney

[incorrect-riordanverse]

the problem with all these white authors like rick riordan who are revealing their stances on the israel-palestine apartheid is that they barely do anything but virtue signal when they claim “i’m on the side against war” “i’m anti-violence” “i abhor terrorism.” zero people are going to disagree with you. zero people believe what hamas did is justified. zero people think israel shouldn’t have a right to defend itself against terrorism. but that isn’t what israel is doing when they collectively punish all of palestine, who doesn’t even have an official army. when rick riordan says some wishy-washy bullshit about the violence suffered on both sides of the conflict, and words his whole dumbass blog post like it’s violence that is in any way equal, that literally helps no one. in fact, it’s so damn negligent of the 75 years of violence that palestine has suffered and been oppressed for. yes, there are innocent civilians in israel who are suffering, no one is disagreeing with you. that doesn’t erase the fact that israel is a disgusting state that has used state-sanctioned violence on a systemic scale since its conception, and the oppressed people have responded to that in violent retaliation (because OBVIOUSLY they would). israel is built on the subjugation of palestine, there is no equal suffering between the two.

#ricky when i catch you ricky #so fucking disappointed with rick and aveyard and gaiman and brown and tjr and the list goes on #it makes me so damn mad. israel doesnt need your support to genocide palestinians #was thinking about buying chalice of the gods but im probs not going to for now #maybe until i can get it secondhand. but idk if i even care to read it atp #riordanverse #rick riordan #free palestine #percy jackson #pjo #hoo #heroes of olympus #toa #trials of apollo #correct riordanverse #rewriting #what is happening to innocent israelis is horrible. but i find it funny how the world only cares when its an israeli person #suddenly every innocent palestinian who has died since israel’s conception is flattened by history to somehow be on equal terms #10000 palestinians have died since 2008. its not equal at all. #how can u say that the attacks in gaza have reached genocidal proportions and then still talk abt suffering of israel like its equal??? #‘What can I do? I will continue to write books—‘ oh my god shut up #‘I will resist the urge to demonize entire groups of people.’ YAWN #‘ I will call for less violence not more violence. 🥺🥺’ #‘ And when asked whose side I am on I will tell you I am on the side of humanitarianism—‘ OH MY GOD SHUT UPPP

[lover-of-mine]

No, but this is definitely my most controversial opinion, but the whole thing with Buck and Eddie being the same age comes back to the fact that they are mirrors of each other. Down to the tattoos with mirrored placement, yes, but like, narratively speaking too. They've been running parallel to each other their whole lives and them being the same age makes that even more intense. Eddie had to grow up too fast and Buck didn't have to grow up at all. Eddie was forced to take care of more than he could and Buck was never allowed to care as much as he wanted. Both of them ran because their lives were overwhelming. Buck gives Eddie the tools to slow down for the first time in years while Eddie gives Buck something he's allowed to care about. They're two sides of the same coin. They complement each other. They're each other's missing piece. And that's so much better when they're the same age.

#'oh but that makes them boring :(' #can you give me a logical explanation as to why it makes them boring?????? #ugh #also i hate the old man joke. have been tapping out of fics about since forever. but they still work with just a few months? #'oh when i was your age' 'when? 2 months ago?' ' yeah you're old now' 'im 47 days older than you asshole' #like the 5 years thing NEVER made sense to me #and the way most people get mad about this particular development is so fascinating to me #anyway #controversial #911 #buddie thoughts #i still have thoughts but some of them dont need to be published

[aromanticannibal]

btw talking about character reactions to bkg dying (i wrote the deku post several hours ago but shh) Aizawa :

The absolute disbelief on his face. And then the widening eyes. Horikoshi really had fun with that close up like my mans was really like nuh uh you are not ignoring Aizawa. The eyebrows? The wrinkles? The absolute panic and despair in this man's eyes? When he sees his student (one of the most promising and one of the best and one of the most reckless) dead on the floor?

And then the anger? The handhold, the grip on that other student that very much should not be here, that should be safe and not in the middle of a warzone with him, the panic and the sweat and the clenched jaw? I'm still and forever going insane

#something to be said of monoma and manual too #monoma who's angry and crying (not just because of Manual's quirk anymore; there's tears dripping down his cheeks) #Monoma who fucking hates Bakugou's guts but who knows he doesn't deserve to die and who knows that means very concretely that /he/ could di #that they could /all/ die #but he still helps because only him can help and he has to help because he's a hero and he can't just back down now #(something something about the burden of a very useful quirk that can't be absent from fights going from Aizawa to Monoma) #and Manual who looks so tired and stressed out and who's glancing at Monoma like. Fuck. he's a kid. he's a kid. he's a kid #cries shakes #the monoma aizawa manual trio in this part of the war is like. im dying #anyways #mha #bnha #aizawa shouta #bakugou katsuki #mha spoilers #bnha spoilers #sorry for the heavy mha posting everyone the hyperfixation is hyperfixating #mad mha ramblings//

[rindomness]

ummmmmm. something something normal being the only one to actually empathize with the doodler before they were dood and teenshaped and being the only one to empathize with hermie when hermie was alive. that's it that's the thought.

#i have no conclusions other than how fast im spinning normal in my head #dndads #dndads spoilers #i think . it's like. something about normal being so heavily ostracized for so long #he doesn't really consider himself part of the group and he doesn't really think anyone takes HIM seriously #so he connects with the doodler and he connects with hermie and he tries so hard to connect with scary #and all of it comes to nothing because now everyone wants to be friends with the doodler now that they're approachable #and hermie is dead and scary is doing better for herself and no one seems to be long-term mad at her #so where does that leave him who still is this weird extra piece #he's an extra piece in his family(he was an accident) hes an extra piece to the school(no one really wanted teeny) #and he hasnt really gotten the attention or the care he needs from anyone else so. what happens to the extra pieces no one wants #they either die or are otherwise discarded #anyway im really ordinary about him

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Joel meeting Ellie: *slams her into a wall & threatens to shoot her*

Joel five minutes later: *kills a man w/ his bare hands for threatening to shoot her*

#the military guy: *points a gun at ellie* #joel: HEY >:/ ONLY I CAN DO THAT #this show's gonna be fun i can tell #cant wait for them to be such a borderline unhealthy co-dependent father-daughter duo <3 #theyre already getting there #im sooooo not normal about them already and they only interacted for like. ten minutes so far #the show is so good and everyone's acting is on point #the last of us #my only issue is that THEY TOOK AWAY THE FUCKING SPORES. #THE THING THAT MADE THE LAST OF US UNIQUE FROM OTHER ZOMBIE APOCALYPSES #ohhh noooo they have tendrils in their mouths oh so scaryyyy #WHERE THE FUCK #ARE MY SPORES???? #what's gonna be the big threat about the bloaters now huh? i guess there's no inherent threat of existing in heavily infected areas huh??? #i guess we dont get a scene of ellie breathing in spores and joel being Not Happy about it hmmm??? #'auogh oh nooo we dont want to occasionally obscure our actors facessss noooo' #COWARDS. THE LOT OF THEM. #it would have added to the show actually. it would have been sick as fuck. so unsettling. so immersive. #gonna die mad about it tbh #like sure the visuals are gonna be cool and the cordyceps concept still rips #but the infection spreading just by biting... thats so painfully normal. thats just another zombie show #its still an amazing adaptation and im obsessed but :/ cmon man #if there was One Thing to get right. the spores wouldve been it #PLUS IT WOULDVE LOOKED SO AWESOME. THEY COULDVE DONE SO MUCH W IT

[spacedlexi]

people who think clem surviving makes no sense are so funny. "they were literally foreshadowing her death the entire season" let me introduce you to the concept of a red herring. she tells lilly she isnt lee and shes right. the narrative was forcing her down that path, a path she saw as an inevitable fate waiting to take her too, but its a narrative broken by aj, who is also his own person and not S1 clem

"it happened to lee, and itll happen to you" lilly tells clem she'll die protecting aj from some mistake he makes, when in reality his defiance of her will is what saves her life after she had already accepted her fate. he breaks clem free from the lee cycle and they get their relatively happy ending. good for them

#anyway in the commentary they talk about how they Were going to have a death ending but didnt like the idea of the good/bad ending #and how people would moreso try to avoid the 'bad end' which i understand and appreciate bc thats usually what happens #so instead they gave us both :) idk why some people seem to have such a huge problem with that #they broke the cycle :) the ericson kids broke the cycle by being a loving community :) they all break the cycle by refusing the delta #lilly and minnie were both lost to the cycle. lilly with her dad and minnie with lilly #minnie couldnt let go. clem almost did the same and it would have killed her too. but aj makes a Choice and it saves her #god even tho clem is noticeably happier in s4 shes still so gd depressed and Tired. she accepted it so fast im so glad he saved her #like idk you saw her come back on screen after that massive fake out and you got Mad?? i was crying twice as hard #i know ive made this similar post before but like i still see this criticism in 2024 and i just have to laugh now #it speaks #twdg #i just love the narrative threads of S4 bro.... seasons 1 and 4 are two sides of the same coin and i love that. its satisfying

[spearxwind]

Hi this is where I talk a bunch about ocs :D

I dont have a lot of time lately to talk abt lore but i still think abt my guys whenever i have some chill time to myself, so here's some patch notes. This is also just me thinking out loud haha

CD:

ive been playing w some changes for CD and seeing if they stick :] gonna make the story slightly more complex and the sides of the conflict also different (for example I am going to make hades and talas full on enemies at first along with connon, caval and silas >:3 (and I am also making silas and his monster form two separate characters so the lion (hal) is now a mount instead))

Specifically what I've been thinking about is making Hades either a ship captain or a first mate for a rogue ship. The deal with Hades is that he comes from a renowned family from Redbridge and is a disgrace to them. In previous versions of CD they were artisans but that never rly clicked for me, and recently I have been reworking Redbridge into a naval empire to add some 🤏spice 🤏to the world, which would mean Hades' family is actually a naval captain family putting him next in line to be one of them but since his thing is being a disgrace he takes off and becomes a rogue. And instead of hating leviathans he fucking hates hunters instead. Conversely, I think with these changes Talas would also NOT be inclined to kill hunters (or at least not as often as he currently does). He'd pick fights with the naval fleet and other similar factions instead which is more like his character.

I also wanna try and bring back an older concept I had where connon's ship was able to both become fully submerged (like the subs in sunless sea where her character originated from) and this other idea I had where a ship could split in half into two smaller ships. Like if a catamaran could split into two and flank a vessel on both sides. But we'll see if I can make this work x)

Dragons (broken horizon + extinction):

I vaguely mentioned this a while ago as well but I've also been thinking abt my dragons and how I kinda want them to all be in one world/setting, which includes both my broken horizon guys (cer, jarek, octane, etc) and my extinction guys (alex, c, orion, etc) but I dont know how to deal with all of the conflicting lore and themes.

Because for extinction the big theme is there are people who can turn into dragons, and technically all of the dragons' powers are based on energy (for lore reasons). Meanwhile for my other dragons I have a few different elements or other ways of using fire (eg instead of using straight up fire/energy, my oc Jarek can breathe out gas only and ignites it with his mandibles).

I miss all my dragons a lot so I kinda wanted to make a world for them where I could have them Vibe and do different stories in so I thought about having a dragon-only universe but unfortunately Extinction has a pretty huge human element that I cant just eliminate.

It feels counterintuitive, i know the first logical choice is 'just let them be different things' but I genuinely feel like the right choice is to put them both together so the characters can interact and the whole story can be deeper because as it is both are really shallow and I would really like for them to work together so that's what I've been picking at for some months now (it's um. been real slow)

For these two stories I do have two different vibes though that I've been wondering how to weave together nicely bc they overlap for some characters. For broken horizon I had flying and aerial racing as a big theme (and some of the chars in extinction would be rly into that) and for extinction I had dragon arena fights as a big theme (and some of the characters in bh would be rly into that) both of these is another of the reasons why I wanted to put them both together bc it feels like they can fit very well I just have to find the right idea for them to click and then itll be smooth sailing -w-

I also wanted to talk abt this in hopes that talking abt all the dragons gets me to think more about them as well

I wanted to make this post bc I've been really busy lately and rly absent from here in general and I don't have as much time to draw (or even think abt ocs) anymore but I still wanted to keep posted about what's been going on in my head and hopefully get some eyes on it and maybe even some feedback if anyone is so inclined

If u read this whole thing thank u i owe you my life fr I hope u enjoyed reading abt my patch notes :D and hopefully sometime in the future I can get back to drawing concepts and stuff or maybe even writing stuff

#thunderclap #oc ramble #challenger deep #broken horizon #long post #whew this took so long to write and i dont even know if its gonna make ANY sense to anyone auuggggg #ive been thinking a lot about CD in my off time recently I want to make it GOOD i wanna make it COMPLEX i have a lotta good insp lately #so im hoping to make some good and much needed changes #and i also think abt my dragons a lot they just like. float at random in my head in cool scenes and i have no way to bring it all together #AND THAT MAKES ME MAD!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE!! I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT FIT AUUUGGHGHHHH!!!! #i also think abt octane and alex being rivals a lot now it actually fits so much. radioactive bitches. fusion vs fission. #generation vs combustion. white and black. both still orange. please please i need this to work sooo bad #ALSO C AND ARC AND JAREK AND DIMA WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL I KNOW IT I DO AUGH

[alarrylarrie]

.

#people are gonna be big mad when I say this so I’m hiding it in tags #lmao if you’re still a Ziam I love you I respect you and just… stop reading now lol for your health okay? #or unfollow and block me whatever just… CURATE YOUR EXPERIENCE IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY #but the DIFFERENCE between how Zayn talks about his daughter #versus…. well I mean do I even have to say it lmao #I’m watching the Zach Sang interview and it is freaking WILD #W I L D #and I just think people should maybe use critical thinking skills and wonder why that is #and! and! Zayn and Gigi have done a fabulous job drawing boundaries about what they will and won’t share #so don’t come at me with oh but Louis needs to be private #or some of that nonsense #because at no point does Zayn say things that really cross that line? #he just…. he talks like an actual dad #and I’m sorry I know no one cares and we’re in this and it doesn’t matter #but the difference - if someone actually cared to look and listen? #the difference is astonishing in my opinion #anyway #ignore this lol

[alumirp]

Model Law x Firefighter Luffy x Police Zoro in an au where one of Luffy's co-workers is seriously injured in a fire that later turns out to be linked to another incident from a few months ago and then another and another. Zoro, Luffy's partner whos a cop, tells him to stay out of this, that everything is much deeper than it seems and that it could end very badly for them, Luffy and those around him. But of course Luffy is NOT about to just let it be.

Serial fires that have so far killed more than thirty people and injured hundreds, mainly because one of these fires happened in a factory that exploded and injured and killed not only the workers, but also many passers-by and neighbors, are not something Luffy can just let be. Zoro has little to do but accept that his boyfriend just won't let this go, so the next thing he knows he's sharing with Luffy all the evidence that has been collected so far that points to the Donquixote Group as the biggest suspect of th incidents of 'industrial sabotage'.

Luffy unfortunately can't keep his mouth shut to save his life, so suddenly the whole 'gang' knows about it and, through Nami, they discover a very good chance to collect evidence. Annually the Donquixote Group hosts a charity ball that invites 'the whole' city and by whole city, she means the entire upper class of the city. Luckily for them, her girlfriend, Vivi, can definitely help them get into the ball without a hitch. Then, all they have to do is go through security and get to the president's office and look for possible evidence. Which, in Zoro's opinion, is a terrible plan, but Luffy's terrible ideas usually work out, so they go with it. And it definitely works. Vivi easily takes them to the ball and, in the confusion of Straw Hats causing chaos among the big shots of GrandLine City

Luffy and Zoro slip through security and find their way to the Donquixote group CEO's office and that's where their luck ends. Or not. Not even five minutes after they begin to search the room, the door is opened and a pair of golden eyes stare unimpressed at them. The door is instantly closed, and before long, they hear voices outside, one of them being undoubtedly those of the owner of the room in question, Donquixote Doflamingo. Luffy and Zoro, practically frozen, simply look at the closed door in anxious anticipation as if at any moment Doflamingo would break down the door and set them on fire. He doesn't and soon the voices drift away. After that Luffy and Zoro are quick to continue the search, despite the scare, and unfortunately, they do not find anything of value to the investigation.

They are quick to leave after that, taking with them the straw hats that served as incredible distractions. Back at square one, they meet again at Luffy's house trying to plan their next step. But their little evil-combating meeeting is interrupted by a surprise visitor. Outside the house, standing at the top of the stairs, dressed in expensive clothes and looking fabulous, Trafalgar Law, the super model who is the face of the Donquixote Group all around the globe, the owner of impassive golden eyes, offers a deal.

#now do NOT ask me why doffy didnt lock his office hes dumb(im dumb #anyways omg cop zoro :O #but also omfg top model law :OOOO #zolu gets a new bf at some point dont ask where #zolu #:D #but also #lawlu #lulaw #BUT ALSO FUCKING #zolaw #and most important #zolulaw #i was hearing 'coicidence' by rosse and started thinking about how it could be law #bc everything can be law in my mind #but basically #doffy made law an extremely famous model bc hes pretty as fuck duh are you blind #but doffy is still a piece of shit so law really wants to kick his ass lol #also hes mad that people think he's sleeping his way through fame with doffy #even more angry because doffy NEVER corrected those rumors #he sure made his way to fame because of doffy but it sure wasn't by sleeping with him #I don't blame him #I'd be pissed too if someone said I was sleeping with Doffy #he gross ew #rosi >>>>>>> #anyway now law will join luffy and zoro #and hopefully guide them with better plans that don't involve breaking into offices #which anyone else can get in at any moment #no for real what are they thinking #i dont think they did think at all ngl

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

i havent followed the manga in several months and im not interested in catching up again but has bakugo un-died yet. has deku saved him yet with the power of gay love. or is he still getting open heart surgery. has this boy been getting open heart surgery for the past 8 months.

#shut up pandora #bnha #boku no hero academia #katsuki bakugo #izuku midoriya #bakudeku #i guess #the first time bakugo Fucking McDied was pretty romantic #and i guess the second time deku did get pretty mad about it so fuck it im down #its shounen so dekus will they wont they with uraraka is so misogynistic #that his relationship with bakugo has become the greatest love story of all time #i jest ofc #even if they became canon RIGHT NOW the rest of the story is too mid for them to be even a particularly good love story #but its also the only relationship in bnha that i still care about after the disrespect they showed my girl momo #and the direction they went with the todoroki family #and the general plot progression #imma stop talking about that bc this is not a complain about bnha post this is a 'is bakugo still dead' post #but yeah although this is the only bnha ship i still care about i dont think horikoshis brave enough to make them canon #but if all the tjlc-ing from the bakudeku fans come true and they really do pull a fakeout and bkdk gets together #i will stomach the poor plot progression and hatred towards women and start following the manga again #but yeah if hes still dead horikoshi get on it??? #it was dramatic the first few chapters but if you drag it out for several months ppl (me) are going to get tired of it and drop the series

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

“Adrien made Kagami realize she’s a lesbian because she was not attracted to him” is boring and overdone.

Kagami made Adrien realize she’s a lesbian because she called him her “boyfriend” and he flinched and she was like “oh shoot what’s wrong” and he was like “i dont know, boyfriend is a really weird word for some reason” And because she’s Kagami, instead of being like “oh he clearly doesn’t want me” she just sat him down immediately and started googling Other Words and trying All of Them, and then she tried “do you want to be my girlfriend?” on a whim and he was like “holy shit this has awoken something in me.” And then kagami was like “oh huh i may be a lesbian.”

#adrigami #adrimi #im alive sorry for not posting for like a year #time to go back into hibernation love u all #kagami tsurugi #miraculous ladybug #i am still here with my very specific interpretations of adrimi #they are so important to me #i love them so much #love their season 5 dynamic love that theyre still friends #projecting sooo much onto them #its about being allowed to still be friends with someone even after the messy breakup #but also being allowed to be mad #and being allowed to Wish for something Else with them but to still be okay #i am probably not making any sense im jusy #i love them too too much theyre my emotional support undefined mess of a relationship #and also theyre gay #idek in what way but in Some Way #the ‘secret hidden queer romance’ to ‘secret hidden queer friendship because the romance didnt work for them #but they are both now super commited to helping each other with their secret queer little relationship endeavors #this is why kagami is trying to help adrinette happen #because gay rights #hope this helps #and they can be queer so many different ways i just #clutches heart #incare about tthem #theyre sooooooo not normal in some kind of way #both when they are dating and when they are not

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[lobotomizedlady]

I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck

#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i #in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where #i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever #i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at #and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like #everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd . #just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up #not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until #i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg #the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was #i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different #well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl #i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool

[t4transsexual]

Out of curiosity- what's the weirdest thing another trans person has told you regarding transhetness?

probably the most offensive one has to be that time someone said i would never have to worry that people wont accept my sexuality. because in my life that has not been the case lmao. like i am still TRANS so generally someone who doesnt accept homosexuality isnt gonna be thrilled with trans ppl either, like those kinds of people who are homophobic but not transphobic really only exist in terfs brains lol

and the least personally offensive one would have to be that one person who said "you cant be straight as a trans person, this push for sameness is really hurting our community" like damn rly didnt think i was gonna get called an assimmilist for like, being a heterosexual lmao my bad

also im not straight passing irl either, but i am cis passing, so whenever i bring up that im dating a girl i get to visibly watch the gears turn in peoples heads as they try to figure out how this little gay boy fucks women which is always fun

i think generally a lot of weirdness i get probably comes from the fact that for one, a lot of people view queerness and gayness as the same, and queerness and heterosexuality as opposites, and especially people in my specific generation (older gen z) and especially the cis people/recently cracked eggs rly have put emphasis on "gayness" and "being gay" and take on "being gay" as the same meaning as being queer, so when they meet someone who is queer but is explicitly NOT gay (and this is more than transhet people, this can be anyone who is queer but doesnt identify as gay, including same gender attracted people of all sorts of sexualities/genders), they really dont know what to do with us, and for two im southern and live in the south and people here are not usually very imformed about different flavors of queerness and for some people im lucky if i get them to understand that im trans at all, let alone telling them im a heterosexual, because im not exaggerating when i tell you that pretty much everyone expects me to be gay no matter the fact that i have a girlfriend and havent dated a man since 2021 lol

and heres a photo of me close up if that helps you understand why everyone thinks im gay (i really dont get it myself but)

#straight yapping on this one lol #also to be clear #i dont actually get mad at people who assume im gay #and as a cis passing trans man im happy that i still at least trigger the gaydar #and being preceived as a cis gay man is way safer than being preceived as a trans man of any sexuality #but also if me triggering the gaydar for some reason #makes me appear safer to people who need it #like other trans/queer people #then like im fine w that #however when i tell you im not gay and im straight #and that i dont want to be called gay because its invalidating to my sexuality #and this is important to me bc i spent so much of my life #experiencing extreme comphet #and i still had to overcome that #it was NOT easier to accept i dont like men now that im a man #in fact in my experience i was kinda scared to be a straight trans man #so that's why i really feel strongly about it #trans #t4t #transhet #st4t #t4t mlw #t4t wlm #trans man #transgender