#incorrect greek gods quotes

[paradisechid800]

Ares: What is your preferred weapon?

Athena: A spear, perfect for keeping distance between me and them.

Poseidon: I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Athena here, a spear or trident is the best.

Apollo: I prefer to disarm my opponents with my charm and wit. But if that all fails, I always will have my bow.

Artemis: The bow and arrow are a timeless classic.

Hekate: Torches, they're perfect to burn the flesh from those who oppose.

Zeus: My lightning bolts, I win instantly everytime.

Aphrodite: This pussy.

Everyone: ...

Athena: *Facepalm*

Aphrodite: *Pulls out adorable kitten.*

Zeus: Cute, but I don't see how that can be effect--

Aphrodite: ATTACK

Zeus: OH GOD

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[0lympian-c0uncil]

#oh eris #eris #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #gods #incorrect greek gods quotes #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek god quotes #incorrect greek quotes

[fuck-yeah-mythology]

Athena: okay, how would you rate your pain?

Dionysus: zero stars

Athena:

Dionysus: would not recommend

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[how-to-greek-god]

Hades: thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Hestia meowing at each other from different rooms in the house

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[anistrange]

Zeus: Okay, help me please! Hera: Got two words for you. Zeus: I bet they won't be helpful. Hera: Your problem. Zeus: I was right.

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[meditando-en-paris]

Odysseus: Do it or you're straight.

Achilles: *Loud gasp*

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[incorrecthomer]

Hermes: Odysseus is missing Athena: do you think i microchipped him? Hermes: ... do you? Athena: yes, give me a minute

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[incorrectquotesofmylife]

Gods: Percy Jackson. You shall be blessed with immortality! Annabeth: Impossible. He wasn't even blessed with brains!

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[incorrectgreekgods]

Apollo: Okay guys, lets just hug this out. *Artemis, Apollo, Hermes, and Athena struggle into a group hug* Artemis: Who took my wallet? Hermes: Sorry.

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[athenas-sw0rd]

Agamemnon: I never considered you a rival.

Achilles: I never considered you at all.

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[paradisechid800]

Zeus: Alright, who was in charge of the egg hunt this year?

Demeter: That would be me.

Zeus: Then explain this.

Demeter: And what is this?

Zeus: *gestures to easter egg* THIS.

Demeter: That's an egg I made especiallyfor you, I made special eggs for everyone.

Zeus: Mine has a note that says "Fuck you, asshole".

Demeter: I'm so sorry, that was for Poseidon. *Hands him new egg* This is yours.

Zeus: *Reads note* "You are a pathetic whelp who brings shame to our family name, we are all embarrassed to even know you".

Zeus: ...

Zeus: Now that's more like it.

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[0lympian-c0uncil]

Poseidon: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea taste different if you put it in hot water

Athena,*slowly puts down her book*: Y-You were putting it in cold water....

Poseidon: ....

Hera: Poseidon. Answer the question. Poseidon!

Poseidon: Yeah I thought for like 5 years that people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. Didn't realize there was an actual reason.

Everyone: ....

Poseidon: You think I have the patience to boil water?

Dionysus: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes????

Apollo,*grabbing him*: Why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it?!

Dionysus: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?!

Apollo: It takes less than a minute!

Hermes: BESTIE IS YOUR STOVE TOP POWERED BY THE FUCKING SUN?????

Apollo: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO BOIL A CUP OF WATER ON THE STOVE!??!

Hermes: Like 7 minutes!

Dionysus: *nods*

Apollo: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes less than that and you use a saucepan.

Zeus: HA- You're putting the whole mug on the stove?????? on medium heat???? You're stove is enchanted!

Athena: Every single person in this room is a fucking lunatic...

Demeter: Do none of you own a fucking kettle!?

#hehe :3 #poseidon #apollo #dionysus #hermes #athena #zeus #hera #demeter #greek gods #greek mythology #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect greek gods #incorrect greek god quotes #incorrect greek quotes

[withlovefromolympus]

Poseidon: oh no

Zeus: what is it?

Poseidon: an angry wife is coming towards us

Zeus: mine or yours

Poseidon: does it really matter?

Zeus: Well, if it's Amphitrite we might survive, but if it's Hera, we're totally dead.

#greek mythology #greek gods #incorrect greek gods #incorrect quotes #incorrect greek mythology #mythology #Zeus #poseidon #hera #amphitrite

[how-to-greek-god]

Poseidon: Which country has the most birds?

Poseidon: Portu-geese!

Hades: That's a language.

Poseidon: Portu-gull?

Hades: Good recovery.

Zeus: I think you mean good redovery.

Demeter: TURKEY. HOW DID YOU MISS TURKEY?

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[anistrange]

People stop making Zeus as the main villain of their adaptations and start to make better nuanced stories Challenge 2022 (Impossible)

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[lenaleviosa]

*Achilles arriving in the underworld*

Achilles: “Where’s Patro-“

Hades: “FINALLY! ACHILLES- a word please”

Achilles: “Sure, but could you tell me where Patroclus -“

Hades: “Look around”

Achilles: “I am, but it’s so crowded in here, I can’t see him”

Hades: “Exactly!”

Hades: “A 10 year long war was already bad enough, but then you had to go and murder 10 000 people in one day???”

Hades: “Frank over here - who you gracefully pierced with your spear btw - has been standing in this exact same spot for three days because I’ve got no place to put him!”

Achilles: “So I’m guessing you’re not going to help me find Patroclus, then?”

#greek mythology #achilles #the song of achilles #patrochilles #patroclus #tsoa #greek myths #incorrect tsoa quotes #achillesxpatroclus #greek gods #hades