Odysseus: People who say “go big or go home” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home.
Odysseus: it’s literally my only goal for most of the day.
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I just googled what Achilles did to Apollo's son and almost cried on impact HOW ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO DEFEND HIM AND ACT LIKE APOLLO WAS THE BAD GUY JESUS CHRIST
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all the other heroes: *famous because they killed some great monster*
Achilles: *famous because he threw a rage fit after his boyfriend died*
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I will never understand how Odysseus has all the braincells while also having none of them at the same exact time. He is an amazing war general and is insanely smart but has the attention span of a rat fuelled by the need to cause chaos simply because he is bored. He can't listen to one thing while getting distracted by the thing he was specifically told not to touch.
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Agamemnon: I never considered you a rival.
Achilles: I never considered you at all.
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Odysseus: "oh no we’re all doomed by the narrative"
Odysseus: Maybe you are. I’m the narrative’s favorite.
[later]
Odysseus: Update: Turns out this is not a good thing for me.
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please take my internet off
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Diomedes sitting on a couch with his arms crossed: So I've seen that you've been spending a lot of time with Penelope lately.
Odysseus: Wait no dude it's not what it looks like I swear
Diomedes: Oh really? So theres no reason for me to be jealous?
Odysseus: No! You're the only one for me
Diomedes: Is that so?
Odysseus: I promise! Penelope and I are just dating, ok?
Diomedes: so there's no rivalry-friendship feelings involved?
Odysseus: you are still my only Rival. She's just the best thing that's happened to me. Nothing more
Diomedes: but I'm the best Rival to have happened to you right?
Odysseus: Of course!
Penelope just watching all of this go down: What the fuck
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Apollo helping his boyfriend get a wife be like
Based on this
Apollo's design
Admetus and Alcestis' designs ( +sumary of their myth)
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Okey but imagine what it must have been like for everyone else outside of Achilles and Patroclus in the Trojan war
“Great! We’ve got Achilles here, we’re saved! But who’s that other guy?”
“Right, that’s Patroclus, Achilles’ emotional support human”
~
“Help I’m dying! Achilles help me!”
“Hold on, that guy is standing too close to Patroclus”
~
“Odysseus, Achilles is being unreasonable again.”
“You brought Achilles here??? What did I tell you? We reason with Patroclus and then Patroclus looks pretty and Achilles will listen”
~
“Patroclus died!”
“Ahh, dam it, now we’re gonna loose the war”
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Achilles: So what’s your type?
Patroclus: Blue eyes, prideful, strong, oblivious, blonde hair.
Achilles: Kinda sounds like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Patroclus: ..did I mention oblivious?
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