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redwayfarers · 11 months

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one of those days

Fandom: Wayfarer IF Ship: Cassmel (Cassander x Melchior) Characters: Cassander Inteus (OC), Melchior Larkspur Words: 1084 Rating: Gen Summary: Cassander has a bad mental health day. Fortunately, he doesn't have to face it alone. Read on AO3

The day drags like nobody’s fucking business. It’s real fun having nothing to do with your time, you know - the half open book stares at me in accusation from the table, half done weave shakes its threads in disappointment. I told myself I’d finish it today, but when I woke up I found that my hands just refused to do it and would’ve rather broken the whole thing apart than finish it. The book could’ve easily met the same fate if I didn’t have enough wherewithal to just step back and declare myself useless for the day.

But cooking needs to be done. It’s not a question of want as much as it is a question of need, after all. We all need to eat. If you don’t eat you starve. And since I don’t particularly like starving, I managed to drag myself to the kitchen and listen to the chop chop of the knife. There are downsides, though, as there usually are. Chop chop is so routine that I could do it blind, so the part of my head that’s not focused on making sure I don’t cut my own fingers off is free to wonder.

And gods do I wonder. I’ve since stopped keeping track of what about, but that’s where I am now.

Theokleia came to mind at some point, unbidden. Maybe after the brief sighting of my face in the window. Maybe after the errant curl of hair fell in my eyes and I had to move it away. She wouldn’t cook, obviously. She has people to cook for her. She has fancy makeup and hairpins and decorative battle knives on her walls. And maybe she’s laughing now, having a grand old time, drinking at a party and whispering in another rich asshole’s ear.

Maybe Aiantes listens too. Does she keep the hairpin he gifted her decades ago, before my very eyes, when all I got was a stern look to shut the fuck up? Maybe she wears it across the hall, and maybe he smiles when he sees it shining in the magic lights. Maybe he even removes it later in the privacy of their bedroom.

Maybe I don’t really wanna think about my parents fucking, exactly. Brain, stop being weird.

“You’re murdering that poor eggplant,” Melchior says out of nowhere. “What has it done to you?”

I turn around and set the knife down. “My parents have sex. In general. In Vestra, too. I know the exact bedroom. Big bed, fancy ass curtains. Roses on the sheets. The mwah mwah sounds. All the good stuff.”

“Your… parents?” Melchior blinks. “Cassander, you have three siblings. It’s highly likely that they do have sex. Assuming nothing’s taking the place of that poor vegetable.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s a really simple thing, too. And my parents are doing it.”

“And here it’s where you lose me,” he says slowly. He has two big books of accounts in his hands and he looks so disheveled it makes me want to mess his hair up even more. “What do…” He sighs. “It’s been that kind of day, no?”

I laugh weakly. “Yeah. My brain's all weird. One thing led to another and here I am, mentally in my parents’ bedroom. Where I wasn’t normally allowed when I was a kid, too, even in non-fucking circumstances.” I look at my feet and wiggle my toes. “I am… I just..”

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice is kind and gentle and it hits like cold water in a parched throat. He puts the books down and walks over, takes my hand in his and the world feels less loathsome all of a sudden.

“I don’t want to be angry anymore.” There it is. I’m getting better at figuring these things out. What a strange idea, actually understanding what’s behind all the weirdness in my head on a given day. “Don’t think there’s much to talk about. I just– I don’t want to think about my mother. But she comes unbidden sometimes, she’s a fucking weed of a person like that, and I get all– like this. Gods, I’m so shit at saying things.”

“I understand you perfectly well, if that has any merit,” he offers. “You’re not half as bad at saying things as you think you are.”

“You don’t count,” I say. It feels as though a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, though. “You’re just trying to make me feel better by saying that. It doesn’t count.”

“Is it working, though?” He smiles softly. I bury my head in his shoulder.

“I hate you so much,” I whisper against the fabric of his shirt. He’s still holding my hand. “But seriously now. Were you.. Did you have any plans for.. This exact moment?”

“I was just about to get myself a cup of tea,” he says and kisses the side of my head. His hair tickles my ear. “Do you want me to prevent any more vegetable murder?”

“That’d be great. We gotta eat something and I’m the big bad vegetable murderer, as we both know.”

“Really scary, yes,” he laughs softly. I don’t reply, but I make no movement whatsoever, soaking up the warmth and the ease of his presence. He seems content to stay like this for the time being, oblivious to the life of a whole company of actors around us, and his free hand rests loosely on my waist. “I’m proud of you, though,” he adds after a while. “You were able to identify what was distressing you and asked for help.”

Any joke I might’ve had to those words dies on my tongue, heavy and sordid and venomous. He’s just saying things because I’m obviously not doing good for the most part, but a part of me wants to believe him. I want to be worthy of his pride but I’m not sure if I really am. “Didn’t solve shit, Mel,” I say instead, because that’s easier. Because it comes faster and more naturally. Because it shelters from this oppressive feeling that I might not be such a fuck-up after all. “I’m still as angry as I was before. Being able to say my mother’s a bitch doesn’t change shit.”

“It’s better than it was before,” he hums. “But let us cut those vegetables.” His voice turns small and private and easy. “Honestly, between the two of us, being responsible is very boring sometimes.”

And the world really does feel less loathsome for a while.

#wayfarer #wayfarer if #inspo birb has come to town #wayfarer mc #cassander inteus #melchior larkspur #cassander x melchior #wayfarer fic #is this self-indulgent? yes #but do i wanna work on my short story? no #so this is what i do #also long time no cass fic #think we need some #a palette cleanser if you will #my writing

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xamag-draws · 2 months

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[Stardew Valley] felt compelled to draw some ponies..

#my art #my little pony #stardew valley #this is the definition of self-indulgent #also yes the update got me back in its clutches

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welcometogrouchland · 3 months

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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

#dc comics #dc #damian wayne #dick grayson #talia al ghul #batfamily #dc robin #nightwing #anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther #like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it #they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc #but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself #anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did #it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios #also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul #you will always be famous to me #son of the demon origin...bwahhh #anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic #but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up #so go look at that as well #anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy #i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself #it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on #I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue #i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups #so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat #mine

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qiinamii · 11 months

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You gave Xiao your heart.

He thought it was a spar invite.

[Next]

#qiiarts #xiao #lumine #frisk #the art i got too self indulgent about that undertale always has a special place in my heart #also me thinking wouldnt it be interesting to use the flirt route not as frisk #and my fondness to xiao and traveler in particular at this point in time then bam this comic #they're close friends at best with how i see their r/s but putting the tag just in case #xiaolumi #i wasnt sure to upload this at first cus theres a second part and then over time i had figured out a full narrative #soon enough in the future ill do it :3 yes this is a tiny for-fun crossover series incoming #just these two failing horribly at expressing Interest #genshin impact #undertale

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mblue-art · 8 months

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so like... teeth... fangs, even.........

(silly) xtra under the cut

smfh tfw ur trying to joke but friend snitches you tf out

#utmv #cross!sans #killer!sans #self insert #mblue art #posting this on oreo's bday bc yes :)#10/10 #happy birthday idiot what did you do to me /lh #you've stayed in my head for more than a year #made me feel so many feels #it is insane how many (AU) scenarios ive thought of with him guys #(but i will only share a couple to the public bc i am shy u_u;;)#(and they r very very self-indulgent;;)#(also HHEEELLLPPP KILLER IS SUCH AN ASS !!! (affectionate))#(you're lucky you're skrunkly meow meow status i made u look good in the first panel 😤😤😤)#CM

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hvseoks · 15 days

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Rapline for Variety

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emkini · 1 year

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I think about Zuko and Ursa a normal amount

#atla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #zuko #ursa #atla fanart #em draws #illustration #I had heart of stone from SIX playing on loop while drawing both of these #because I enjoy hurting myself #I am on a fucking roll right now apparently #cannot go five seconds without drawing something #the stuff I've been posting is so incredibly self-indulgent but y'know what. I do not care #normally i'd have a modicum of shame but nope #if I want Zuko to look sad in his mom's robes then that's what he's going to do <3 #privileges of being an artist #yes it's 4:30 in the morning shut up #id in alt text #edit I fixed his wack ass face

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leon-on-the-froggy-chair · 4 months

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Oops meant to post this earlier for valentino white bag day JRJJEEKKE

Better late than never as they say

#serennedy #luis serra #leon kennedy #re4r #rare froggy chair art post for the month fjjdjd #i dunno how i feel about this its so late at night and my eyes burn so im probably missing so many errors fnrnkdkd #self indulgent long hair on luis bc yes #the homos

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calware · 7 months

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revisiting an old concept.... thinking about making the altselves look purposefully stylized in a "realistic" world to emphasize how inhuman they are. also proving that i can draw realistic faces

#just think about how odd a cartoon character would look in the real world #i just love the concept of changing the visual style of the medium in order to convey something #i also just love things that are uncanny #is this post very self-indulgent? yes.#i was originally going to draw hal like one of those 2000s deviantart core chibis but i couldn't get the style quite right #homestuck #💾#🔮#🧶#rose #i say things #1k #doodle

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danaa-scully · 21 days

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Scully's birthday The X-Files (1993-2018) | 4.17: "Tempus Fugit"

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necromosss · 8 months

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The urges (feminine) remains...😔

#sorry for the self indulgence aaa #i shall not tag it so it wont appear on people's searches #but yes it is gale x tav #doodle #wildweave

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itsdefinitely · 7 months

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this is how richie's death went in my head

#i cant tell you how many times i had to go back and tweak wiggly because he has such a complicated design #like i was ready to post and then i realized i forgot his little arm stripes #but i persist #i do not persist enough to do lineart #but its fiiiiiiiiinnneeee its fiiiiiiiinnnneeeeeee #also yes this completely self-indulgent but in my defense none of my friends stopped me #i didnt tell them i was making this but its still their fault #nerdy prudes must die #npmd spoilers #wiggog y'rath #nibblenephim #pokotho #richard lipschitz #definitely art #id in alt text #if its out of character nnnnnnooooooooooo nnnnooooo its not shhhhhhhhhh

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sketchingstars03 · 1 month

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HAPPY (very late 😭) BIRTHDAY INK SANS!!!!

WAUGH I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS PIECE INK BC I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON IT (despite forgoing lineart in an attempt to make things easier for myself 💀)

Either way, I’m really proud of how it turned out! 😅

Happy belated birthday to the guy who started it all for me! And here’s to all the fandom memories that were and will be made!

(credits and more 👀 under the cut)

Ink and Aster (ZT! Gaster) by @/comyet

Dream by jokublog

Swap/Blue by the community

Cross by @/jakei95 (slight outfit change by me)

Undertop Gaster by @/undertop

…Acrylic??! by @hexcia

and we all know who made Splatter here ;3

Anyways, some silly tidbits about this piece

The different papers don’t represent AUs, but fanart and fanfic that’s been produced by the fandom! The very thing that keeps Ink going!

I snuck in a couple subtle references to a few Ink-centric fics that I hear are pretty good 👀. Look for the initials

There’s a couple classic UT references in here as well, golden flower, save star (behind the text) and a doodle of the human and monster from the intro cutscene!

Also you can probably notice the silly cameo of Acrylic from my friend’s AU, Hexverse!

The final paper Ink is holding, the rainbow heart doodle, sorta represents the idea that art, creativity, the fandom itself is their “soul”, and also it signifies the love we’ve given to this super cool character! <3

If you’ve read this far, tysm for listening to my rambles!