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lorilane33 · 10 days

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Midnight Musings

Pairing: Echo x Reader

A/N: I think I should start a bingo card for myself with all this fandom hopping I'm doing lol Star Wars is my current hyper fixation, and one special copy paste boy had my soul in his hands.

Summary: You wake up to find Echo not in bed.

Word Count: 1,098

Warnings: This is truly the saddest thing I've ever written, which isn't saying much. But Echo has been to hell and back, and he needs all the hugs in the entire universe. So this was my self indulgent self doing just that.

In a quiet bungalow somewhere on lower Pabu, something suddenly pulls you from the pleasant dream you were having. In the bed you share with Echo, something didn’t feel quite right, but you couldn’t place what it was.

You huff, mildly annoyed at the inconvenience of being pulled from sleep and snuggle deeper into the blankets in hopes of finding sleep again.

You sleepily reach behind you in hopes of Echo being able to hold you until you fall asleep again, only to find the sheets cold. “...Echo?” you mumble, sleep thick in your voice. Less sleepy than you were mere seconds ago, you now understand what had pulled you from your sleep.

Your boyfriend was not where he needed to be, and you had a feeling you knew just where to find him. Pushing the covers off yourself, you swing your feet over the edge, sliding until your feet gently hit the floor.

You start your journey out of your shared bedroom and into the living space, leaning against the doorway. Looking around for his familiar bald head, you find him sitting at the table, head resting in his good hand.

From what you can see, he’s glaring down at his scomp link that rests in his lap. “Honey, are you alright?” you whisper. Some nights Echo had a hard time with nightmares or sometimes it was his survivor’s guilt that did him in.

In the light of the moon, Echo looks up at you, a shimmer of regret in his eyes as he responds, “I’m sorry, cyare. Did I wake you? I didn’t mean to.” A sad smile lifts at the corner of your mouth as you pad towards him.

“It’s okay, really Echo. I woke up and you were gone so I thought I’d come find you.” Reaching the table, you place your hands on his shoulders to gently pull him back into a sitting position. “What was it this time, my love? A nightmare again?”

He sighs and reaches his hand up to hold yours that sits on his shoulder, then shakes his head no. “No, mesh’la. Not this time.”

Leaning forward you place a kiss to the top of his head. “Then if not a nightmare, what is keeping you awake at this hour, hmm? And if you think of fibbing to me and saying it’s nothing, then you will indeed have another problem to reckon with,” you respond, almost whispering the words into the top of his head where your lips remain.

You hear him chuckle tiredly at your sass, the sound of his laughter lifting your spirits a little. Breaking the hold of his hand on yours, you slide your hands over his torso, stopping at the chest plate that sits atop his sternum. You feel him sigh, simultaneously in relief and in resignation at your touch.

“Alright, fine.” The low cadence of his voice soothes you, as you hold him from behind. He reaches his good hand back up to lay over yours again, and you smile into his neck as he answers your question.

“Cyare, it’s just…I don’t…,” he sighs, struggling putting his feelings into words. “I miss Fives, so kriffing much. The rest of the Domino Squad too, but Fives and I were brothers by choice. The two of us had been together since Kamino. Having to carry on now? Knowing he doesn’t get to? It hurts.”

You feel him shudder in your arms as speaking becomes too much for him, your arms instinctively pulling him closer into your arms. Heart breaking for this beautiful man, you softly respond, “I know you wish you could bring them back, and if it were possible, I’d do it for you in a second.”

Stepping back, you keep one of your hands clasped tightly in his as you slowly slip around his shoulder to face him. Dropping to your knees, you reach up to caress his face with your free hand. When a tear falls from his amber eyes, you lightly brush it away with a swipe of your thumb.

You squeeze his hand before continuing, “But I do know that wherever they are, they are so kriffing proud of you, Echo. You may have the scars and some metal parts to contend with now, but you survived. And are all the stronger for it. Your resilience and quiet strength are a couple of the millions of reasons why I have fallen in love with you.”

A small smile graces your lips as you drop his good hand and gently pick up his scomp link still sitting in his lap. “This old scomp link? Is proof to me every day that you survived and are here with me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, Echo. And if you need me to remind you every kriffing day that I love you, and that I’m not going anywhere, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.” Lifting it to your lips, you place a gentle kiss against his scomp while retaining eye contact with him.

His bottom lip quivers, and his eyes blink slowly. You can see the emotions churning below the surface of his beautiful face. Then, you are suddenly yanked up into his lap and into his embrace as he holds you close.

You place one arm around his neck, pulling yourself level with him. His response is a rumble of emotion, “Thank you, my love. You always know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. I’m sorry you have to-”

“Ah!” you suddenly place a hand over his mouth. “If I hear another apology out of your mouth, good sir, then I'll have to punch you. And I’d really hate to have to do that, Echo.” A grin breaks out on your face, as you make eye contact with him.

He looks emotionally drained, but graces you with one of his genuine smiles as you lean forward and place a kiss against his headset. As soon as you move your head away from him, you feel him turn his head and pull you in to press a gentle kiss to your lips.

“You’re not wrong, cyar’ika. I’d hate to have you get violent. Your punches hurt.” He chuckles, and you feel it tingle on your lips. “And for the record? I love you too. Thank you for being so understanding.”

He kisses you again, pulling you close. The two of you continue to sit in the quiet of the kitchen, trading kisses and soft words until the sky outside turns gray; a new day on the horizon.

#echo x reader #tbb echo #tbb echo x reader #arc trooper echo #tbb echo angst #tbb echo fluff adjacent?#echo tbb #echo tbb fluff #ish #the bad batch #the bad batch fanfiction #tbb #star wars #bad batch echo

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overwatch-xoxo · 1 year

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So ima simp for Zenyatta so bad- and I’ve been craving a certain side of him. The -ahem- yandere side of him. You don’t have to write a fic, but head cannons or a lil drabble on how you think he would be as a yandere would be much appreciated.

Nonnie, you are so valid! Receiving this ask got me really excited to write for this blog again, so I've been working hard on this. I've never (intentionally) written yandere before, so I hope I was able to do this idea justice for you. Enjoy!~

tw: emotional manipulation, stalking, possessiveness, obsession

it starts small. you catch zenyatta’s gaze lingering in your direction for an extra moment, just long enough that you notice, but brief enough that you dismiss it. perhaps it was all in your head.

suspicion turns to butterflies as his interest in you becomes more pronounced. when he speaks to you, it’s in a gentle, even tone. he makes time to spend with you, often accompanying you for walks in gardens. he recites poetry and philosophical musings, and you can get lost in his lilting verse.

while zenyatta’s voice is soothing, his words are complex and often leave you feeling more dazed than comforted. you get the feeling he knows he’s talking circles around you. when you ask clarifying questions, he laughs, his chuckles light as blossoms on the air.

although zenyatta has a reputation for keeping a cool and effortlessly calm exterior, he struggles to keep himself that way around you. the prana, the life force energy that flows through his body and makes him alive, becomes overwhelmingly frenetic in your presence. he might shake or stutter. this feeling is especially exacerbated by even small inklings of jealousy or anxiety within him.

when it comes to himself, zenyatta also values inner peace and calm, devotion, honesty. he quickly finds that your presence interrupts that balance he has worked so hard to maintain. even when you are not around, his mind swirls with visions of you - your voice, your hair, your scent.

above all, he seeks balance, and he knows one thing for certain: your very existence throws him off-kilter, for better or for worse. sometimes he feels devastatingly hopeless at the idea of you leaving him for something different, more suited to your lifestyle, and he’ll soothe himself with healing energies. and sometimes he buzzes so vibrantly with joy that you are in his life at all, and he’ll bring himself back to the plane of reality with discord and malaise. he occasionally excuses himself to center his feelings in this way. but as you grow closer and he falls deeper into his obsessive love, leaving your side only serves to worsen this imbalance.

when he finally confesses his feelings to you, his words spill out frenetically, as if he couldn’t keep this chaotic love inside his body for a moment longer.

“I once followed the Iris, thinking it would be my salvation, the only path to enlightenment for my people. I now realize the error in my ways. I should have always been devoted to you.”

one day, in zenyatta’s personal meditation room, you come across a worn leather journal with your name lovingly embossed into the cover in omnic script. Intrigued, you thumb through it. every page spills with written word about you - thoughts, musings, meditations, poetry, even records of little things you said to him that had been mundane, benign. glancing at his tidy shelves, it dawns on you that this is only the most recent volume of several. the earliest journals date back to before you even remember being introduced.

at night, he spoons you protectively, pressing every inch of his body to yours, reciting ancient spiritual poetry until you are lulled to sleep. not needing to rest himself, he keeps watch over you until dawn, wondering the whole time how he is fortunate enough to have you. sometimes you wake with the taste of metal on your tongue, and the thought of his hands in your mouth shivers in your mind.

“i wish to surround myself with nothing but you. I meditate on the image of crawling inside you, of taking up all the space within you until I know you are mine, and I am yours.”

he is remarkably protective of you, and although his face shows little expression, when he is enraged, a ferocious glint appears in his eye. when you talk to another person, anyone he sees as a romantic or physical threat, he touches you gently on the small of your back, barely concealing his trembling.

it isn’t long before his protective impulses get the better of him, and he insists on being with you at all times like a bodyguard. sometimes his obsessive needs grow so strong that he might forbid you from leaving his room at the temple, where he can keep an eye on you and know you’re safe.

“i want to know you like I know myself. i will devote every moment i am granted to wrapping myself in your soul, in everything you are, until you have permeated every iota of my being so thoroughly, I can no longer tell where you end and I begin.”

#overwatch fanfic #overwatch #overwatch imagines #zenyatta romance #zenyatta imagines #zenyatta x reader #zenyatta headcanons #yandere zenyatta #yandere x reader

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sawyerslvt · 29 days

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Two Sides To The Devil - Johnny Slaughter (Episode 5)

Previous Episode ♡ Next Episode iyyaa :) The way I've written Johnny might be a little different. I like to imagine him as someone very passionate, someone who has a hard exterior but super squishy soft interior. So fluff warning? Teeth rotting sweet warning…? I hope you enjoy it <3 Completed series :) Summary: Johnny Slaughter kidnaps you and you wake up in his basement. You negotiate your way out of death by offering to lure in male victims with your beauty. Johnny entertains your desperate offer. He ends up having to protect you and slowly starts to fall in love with his victim, and so do you. Word count: 3,736 Warnings: MDNI, alcoholism, rape, murder, manipulation, rough sex

I slam the door shut in her face, I adore her so much, it makes me hate her guts. I can't see her hurting, and knowing that I'm the one causing it, there is no other solution but to save her from me. I stand by the door with my palms flat on the wooden surface. I hear her dusting herself off and my palms turn into fists as a tear falls from my eyes. I roughly wiped it away, it's ridiculous. I've never let any victim leave before, this could be the end of my family. I almost ruined her the way I ruin everything in my life.

I hear her sobbing and it's making my heart break but im doing her a favor, I can't back off now. I hear her footsteps fade away and for a second I contemplate if I should swing the door open and run after her. Turn her around, kiss her desperately and pull her back inside, trap her with a chain attached to my couch so that she’ll never leave. I can't bring myself to do it and once I couldn't hear her footsteps anymore, I let out a scream that made my own ears bleed. I kick the food that I had put on the floor earlier and it goes flying, hitting the wall and the kitchen counter tops that she had spent hours cleaning.

I look around my shack and see reminders of her everywhere, I hate her. I grab the porcelain plate she was eating from and smash it against the wall. Frustrated and screaming, I grab the pots and pans and throw them all over the room. I pull out the cabinets filled with silverware and more plates and chuck it across the floor. I grab the flowerpots and make sure the dirt spreads everywhere when I throw it towards the stove. No matter how much I mess up my room, nothing was helping. I felt hopeless and in a last attempt to feel something other than shame and hurt, I threw my fist full force though the wooden walls of my shack and broke straight through it like butter.

Feeling defeated I lean my back against the wall I just punctured and slid down to the floor. I let out one last scream before resting my head in my palms. And I just sat there. for hours straight, afraid I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

I woke up the next morning in the same place where I had broken down last night. I make my way towards the sink to splash some cold water on my face. I need something to keep my mind off her, and I do it the only way I know how. But I had to wait until sundown, everyone was either sleeping or busy at work during this time. I hear someone knocking on my door. The knocks were somewhat gentle but rhythmic, I knew it was sissy. She is being her chipper self but I don't feel like entertaining her right now. I see her holding my breakfast through my window, sometimes she brings me food. I assume she heard my screams last night and this was her way of being there for me. I can’t take it now and just ignore her, hoping she’ll leave. “I made your favorite, Johnny!” I hear her cheery voice yell for me, it does nothing but annoy me. “I don't want to deal with you right now” I say in a monotone voice. I don't have time caring about her feelings right now, I have to get things off my mind.

I see her shadow slowly fade away, holding my plate. I never blew off her like that but I don't feel like seeing anyone right now. I open the fridge and see the sight she would've seen last night, the very sight that made her flinch when I reached out for her. I grab my six-pack of beer and slam the door shut, almost breaking it.

The remainder of the day I sit on the couch drinking beer, one after another. I can't feel my head and it was a perfect temporary solution. You look at the clock hanging on the wall, ‘9:47 PM’... perfect. I'm no lightweight. I handle alcohol very well and I stood up without any problems. I tuck my knife into my jeans and exit the shack

I get in my car and light my cigarette. I turn on the ignition and find myself looking to my right. She was sitting right there… i carried her fragile body in my arms, i made sure to carry her extra careful. She felt like a porcelain doll, one wrong move could break her and it was my responsibility to make sure she stayed whole. I turn my head back towards the windshield and put my right arm behind the passenger headrest to back up the car out of the driveway.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

I enter the same bar I met her in. I stand by the entrance scanning the room for her, she’s not here. I take a seat by the bar and order a whisky. I look straight ahead in the mirror and see my own reflection. My usual clean shaven face, now had short stubs of hair, my hair unkempt, i don't even recognise myself. My whiskey arrives, I lift it to my lips and before I set down the glass. A woman caught my attention in the reflection, she looks like her. I continue staring, trying to confirm whether or not it could actually be her. It wasn't… but it was good enough.

I finish my whisky in one big gulp, wipe off some of the alcohol off my mouth and turn around to head her way. She has the same long black hair, similar body, her laugh was different and her eyes carried some resemblance. Who am I kidding? they were barely comparable. No other sets of eyes in the world could make you feel the way hers did. You walk up to her, not breaking the gaze you had on her.

“Hey there darlin’ I thought you were mighty fine, fancy a dance?” My voice is low, i know how girls are. They won't respond well to insinuations of intimacy right away, you had to ease them into it. She blushes and looks over to her two friends, asking for permission to leave. They giggle as a response and seem happy i approached them. She stretched out her hand. “Why, if you insist” she looks at me with lust filled eyes, it was too easy. “I do” i simply say and grab her stretched out hand to lead her to the dance floor. The dance floor had a couple of people dancing, some friends and some lovers. There were enough people to have us swallowed into the crowd.

I looked into her eyes and I was right. It doesn't feel like her, the closer you get to her, it doesn't smell like her, it doesn't look like her. I pull myself together and put both my hands on her waist swaying to the music. It was a calm song, one made for people to fall in love. I see a glint of hope in her eyes, thinking she might have found the one for her. I will be the one to watch it fade away as I slide my knife deep inside her, watch the sparks die, and take her with them. “I've never met a girl as beautiful as you ma’am”, I lie, she blushes looking to the ground to hide it. I couldn't take looking at her any longer.

I pull her in and rest my chin on her head, holding her to my body. I close my eyes and imagine her, imagine her in my arms. I remember the way she felt when I held her as she cried. I had sworn to keep my doll whole, but I broke her. I didn't deserve to have her. It was good that she was gone. I feel the nameless woman’s head turn to her side, listening to my broken heart. I pull away, “can i kiss you darlin’?” I look down on her with a tilted head and a small smirk growing on my face.

She glides her hands to my shoulders and without a word, leans in for a kiss. Her lips feel soft but not softer, I feel her tongue trying to invade my mouth and I reluctantly invite it in. Imagining her, I pull her closer by the waist and the kiss gets passionate, I see her now. I take turns sucking on her bottom and top lip as we rotate our heads to have our kiss get deep and personal. I see her, and slide my hands down to her hips, pulling them closer to mine. I see her, as I groan inside her mouth, letting my tongue mix together with hers. I hear the woman moan and I get stripped away from my fantasy and placed right back into reality.

I pull away, “wanna keep me company tonight?” I’m breathless due to the intensity of the kiss. “I would love to” she looks up at me with eyes filled with lust, she looks like she's about to burst. I grab her by the hand and lead her out of the bar. She stumbles after me and I see her friends winking and giggling towards her, she does the same… if they only knew. I get in my driver seat and she looks slightly offended due to me not opening the passenger door for her, but she gets in nonetheless as i turn the key.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

We exit the car and I grab her wrist, dragging her along. We walk down the hill and to our right is my shed. Once we enter the door she immediately pushes me up against the wall, putting her hands around my neck and kissing me passionately. I return the kiss and pick her up to throw her onto the couch. I take off my shirt and she bites her lip looking at my build, women tend to appreciate my body. I unbuckle my belt and prepare myself to be deep inside her. She positions herself in front of my crotch and I pull my jeans down, to step out of them, and reveal my hard cock underneath my boxers. I see her eyes widen at the size of me and she puts her hands over my bulge.

She pulls my boxers down and starts stroking my shaft looking into my eyes. I can't take looking into her eyes. “Open your mouth” I demand coldly, she obeys, and I thrust my cock deep inside her mouth, not allowing her to get a taste of me. I thrust into her at a brutal pace and made sure to hit the back of her throat with every thrust. I hear her gurgling and choking on her saliva. When she gets red, I pull my cock out to hear her gasping for air but before she gets spoiled with too much freedom, i push myself back in. I hear her moaning for more and her saliva is dripping off my dick. I let out a deep groan, it felt good to think about something else.

I pull my cock out of her mouth for the last time. “Turn around” my voice is deep and she gives me rapid nods as a response. She turns around and her black hair falls down her spine, it looks just like hers, it was perfect. “Raise your hands” my voice stays the same, she lifts her arms above her head and I take off her shirt, she doesn't have a bra… what a slut. I push her head into the couch and stand by the edge. The couch didn't have any armrests so I could just stand and have perfect access to her pussy. With her face down, and ass up, I stare at her. I pull down her jean shorts and panties at the same time. I swirl my right hand around her long hair and grip onto it tight, making her neck jerk backwards. I line my dripping dick with her entrance and without warning, I force my cock deep inside her. She lets out a loud moan, bordering on a scream. I was too big for her, she couldn't adjust to my full length. I don't give her any time. I pull it out slowly. And with only my tip still inside her, I trust back in again, this time getting further in. I feel her walls lubing up and I start thrusting at a harder and steadier pace.

I pull her hair closer to me, when her back couldn’t arch any more, I meet her halfway and bring my mouth to her ears, grunting like an animal with every thrust. Her moans are loud, “Fuck! Don’t stop” she screams. I thrust harder trying to get her to shut up. I don't want to hear her. I close my eyes and pull her hair harder while keeping my left hand on the edge of the couch, keeping stable and delivering steady thrusts. With my eyes closed, I imagine what she would feel like. Fuck! The whole point of this was to forget her, keep my mind off her, but here I am. I try enjoying myself again but there is no point to it anymore. I straighten myself back up, my thrusts getting lazier. She moans in annoyance at my lackluster pace, I knew she was close to finishing, I won’t let her finish.

I look to my right and on the shelf, I had placed my knife. I grab it with my left hand. She tries to look behind her but before she gets a glimpse of the knife, I fulfill her wishes and shove my cock into her with full force, one last time. She let out another scream and her voice cracked in the middle of it due to the suddenness. “Look at me” I untwist my hand from her hair and let it go, letting her turn around at her own pace.

I handed my knife from my left hand to my right and before she fully realized what was happening, I lunged towards her topless body, knocking both of us to the surface of the couch. I lay over her with my knife grazing her throat. She freezes, her eyes are looking at the knife without moving her head, scared that if she moves, i’ll slice. Her breaths get short and quick, she doesn't know what to do. I live for the terror in her eyes. Her fear makes my cock harder and with my left hand I guide my cock back into her entrance.

I force my cock back into her wet pussy, the knife still over her throat. My thrusts get rougher, making the knife slice her neck, drawing blood. She feels it and tears are starting to stream down from her eyes. Her tears only get me harder and it’s as if they make something click in me, making my thrusts more hungry, wild and animalistic. This was the feeling I needed, the high I got from my victims, nothing felt as good as this.

I'm about to cum, trying to hold back to make it last longer. But I couldn't take it anymore. I look into her tearfilled, terrified eyes and lift my right hard, holding the knife, to my left ear to create some space before I wind up and let the knife take over, slicing her throat open. I hear her gurgling and watch as the light fades from her eyes. I allow myself to release inside her, letting out a loud grunt. I feel my cum fill her up and I slowly pull out, seeing my cum drip out of her already wet cunt.

I walk over to the fridge, open it and grab another six-pack of beer. I drag her lifeless body from the couch, to the floor, and it makes a thud sound. I sit on the couch, crack open the beer and take a big chug from it. I needed to visit the shop tomorrow morning, this was the last of my beer and I couldn't run out in a time like this. The high of my kill had already worn down and I'm left thinking about her again. You squeeze the half full beer can and throw it at your boarded up window above the stove, while letting out a scream. “FUCK!”, no matter what I do, my mind is still stuck in the same place.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

It's been three weeks and I've rarely left my shack, other than to grab more beer. But they don't cut it anymore and I find myself bringing home stronger alcohol. It works, and the temporary buzz gets my mind off things. Every now and then, i go to the bar where i first met her and lure in more victims to fuck and kill but they dont mean anything. It's all a blur, the days are blending in together. Half the time I don't even know if it's daytime or night.

Sissy knows I'm acting differently and she’s the one who's been bringing me food. It started with only breakfast but when she noticed I wouldn't show up for lunch or dinner, she eventually started bringing all meals to me. My mom is always away, I haven't seen her in months. Sissy stays at the house, usually we’re all at the family house but when she noticed my odd behavior she's been staying at Nancy's, keeping an eye on me in my shed and taking care of me.

I’m listening to the radio, there's not much else to do in this tight space. I hear sissy’s familiar knocks on the door, “wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!”. It's 10 AM and she never fails to be in her best mood, regardless of how i treat her. I feel bad for blowing her off that one time and I've come to realize, she's doing no harm and she's the only person caring for me. It wouldn't be fair to treat her wrong.

I walk over to the door to unlatch and open it for her. She greets me with a warm smile and stretches out the plate with both her hands, waiting for me to grab it. “Thank you sis” I blurted out, slurring on my words from how drunk I am. “Don't mention it sugar… but I was wonderin’...” she pauses and looks at me with her head tilted, she's wearing a frown and I look into her worry filled eyes. She only really calls bubba ‘sugar’, I can tell she is doing her best to be gentle with me. I look at her, allowing her to ask her question, she was asking for permission. “I was wonderin’ how you're holdin’ up. You know I'm awfully worried about you”.

My heart aches for her. Even when we hate, tease and annoy each other, she’s always been the most caring one in the family. I would never tell her, but I appreciate her more than she’ll ever know. “I'm fine sis, dont worry about me” I look down avoiding eye contact. "Bullshit!" she pushes past me, putting my plate of food on the kitchen counter and pointing towards the feet of my couch. “Look at this mess Johnny! You're drowning in beer bottles, don't you dare push me away!” her voice is loud and demanding, she's begging me for an answer, looking at me with the same worry filled but now, sad, eyes. “Stop acting crazy sissy, I can't deal with it right now!” my voice is getting progressively more annoyed. “Don't you call me crazy! You've been saying that for the past three weeks” she pauses and paces back and forth from the counter to the couch. “Please Johnny, talk to me. I have to go back to the house, Drayton is asking for me and I can't hold him off any longer. You’ll be left alone”, her voice weakening.

I sigh, the buzz forcing vulnerability upon me. I close the door and sit on the couch. She’s standing with her arms crossed, giving me time and letting me speak on my terms, at my own pace. “I let a victim escape” I have my elbows resting on my knees and my head is looking at the beer bottles around my ankles. She lets a sharp inhale escape her mouth, her arms falling to her sides. “What do you mean you ‘let’ a victim escape?” Her voice is strict. “I couldn't bring myself to kill her”. I listen to myself admitting it. I've dreaded confirming that fact, but that's exactly what it was… a fact. I've never had a problem killing a single person, not even Maria. But after Maria, I started seeing more flaws in my family and our way of living. I couldn't help but think about what life would look like if I was someone else.

Sissy lets herself absorb my admission. Her face softens. “Oh, Johnny…” she searches for the right words and although she’s always been caring, words have never been her strong suit. She looks at me and is clueless as to what she could say to make me feel better. “I don't know what to do”, I admit, giving her more time to react. She sits next to me on the couch and places a hand on my back. “It's alright sugar, don't beat yourself up over it. What's done is done. I want to see my old Johnny again” she gives me an understanding smile. I nod as a way of saying ‘thank you’ and she returns one back to me.

She stands up and grabs my wrists with her in order to make me stand up. “You’re gonna help me with dinner tonight at the house” she smiles at me and I have no reason to reject her. I follow her out of my shack, lock it behind me and head inside Nancy’s house alongside sissy.

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#tcm #texas chainsaw game #texas chainsaw massacre #texas chainsaw massacre game #ff #writing #fanfiction #johnny #johnny slaughter #johnny sawyer #johnny tcm #smut #fem reader #johnny smut #johnny slaughter smut #johnny slaughter x reader #fluff #romance #x reader

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kaddyssammlung · 3 months

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Analysis – The Way That You Were

TW: addiction, SH and trauma

This is 100% my perspective btw. Meaning that I have written something down but it's just about me. No guessing what Vessel means.

Video:

youtube

The text is under the cut :)

“We are not young enough to know how to sit and say nothing like we would and you are too tired to control how you look like you feel, like you should”

I have quite BPD and towards the end I was a “high – functioning “ alcoholic. With towards the end I mean a time period from about 2015 until 2020. For me this brings up memories of pretending to be something that we are not.

It's easier sometimes to pretend to be okay then to deal with annoying questions.

I am able to hide my BPD so well. Back in the day it used to be like this also. No one really noticed anything until I would totally loose my sh*t and lash out like crazy.

These days I am so much better when it comes to this, though. As long as no one comes to close me. I'm still kind of keeping my distance and don't let anyone come to close to me.

I also feel like when it comes to healing from addiction at some point I had to “fake it” until I “made it”.

Of course it can be hard sometimes to hide your true self and you can get really tired of having to do so.

“and you think I don't notice the way that you were”

This is something that no ever told me. I've always been good in playing “normal” or “happy”. There was a period of time where my drinking was so heavy that I was not able to do this and yes the humans around me were worried. But that did not last long.

When it comes to childhood trauma there is no version you you that you can go back to. That's just how it is.

“and act like you don't feel it”

Everything that I just said.

But I often just don't feel much because I am very often dissociated. Lately it's been getting better, though.

“and you barley believe it”

I have no tie to this line for some reason.

“and I am so ready to tear that knife from what once would have been dead fingers lying blue against the floor”

My mom actually said similar things to me. She used to get angry because I could not stop my harmful behaviours. The problem was that I was aware of how much I was hurting myself and everyone around me but I could not stop doing what I was doing. In the begging stages I did not see it this way. I thought that I was fine and everyone was just making a big deal out of nothing. It took my some time to become aware of everything. To me becoming aware of this was already a step towards healing.

Just because you tear that knife out of someone's hands does not mean that they are aware of what they are doing. Or, like I just explained, maybe they are aware of it but can't stop.

And also just because you do take that knife does not mean that they are safe.

This part also reminds me of Atlantic and Are you really okay btw.

“and you will no longer stand between collapsing walls wearing a smile like you can't bear it anymore”

This reminds just of all the “fake smiles” that I ever did. You know those smiles that you only do with your mouth but that never reach your eyes.

“come on, tear off the bandage”

No thank you. I'm glad that my scars are old and white scars. At least most of them....

This does bring up some strange memories though. My friend from School was very noisy. Everytime she noticed that I had self-harmed she wanted to know all the details about it. All of the details.....

She used to get really angry with me. I can understand that. She was scared.

“with pain as your language”

Back in the day when there was not much social media I used to write a blog. I wrote poems about what I was feeling. All of them were dramatic and filled with pain and also graphic when it came to self-harm.

“will you show me the damage?”

Not, really. It's always weird when to get to know someone and they start noticing your scars. Or even worse when you want to sleep with them. I had some strange situations thanks to my scars.

I also feel like showing someone the damage can mean that you open up. It takes some time to really trust someone and you can tell them the truth about why you started doing such harmful things when you were still quite young.

“how much did they hurt you? And how much did they break you? And how far did they take you?”

A few years back I could not have answered this but now I can but I don't want to. I mean you know me and also the answers are in my blog. You know...just look through the CSA stuff...I don't feel like writing anything else about it right now.

#sleep token #sleep token worship #sleep token lyrics #sleep token lore #Youtube #tw mental illness #tw sh related

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imogenleewriter · 1 year

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hello hi, i've got a question, what keeps you going while writing? i admire your consistency!

Hey!

Super valid question that I'm not entirely sure I have an answer to. Or maybe I have too many answers.

I'm going to give short ones (because I keep trying to answer this and writing a novel) but if you want me to elaborate I can.

1) Deadlines. If I don't have deadlines, I just waste time staring at a blank screen, and that's more stressful than forcing myself to get words down.

2) Writing stuff that matters to me. Before ychiits, I tried writing 1000 things with amazing plots and could never finish any of them. If you think about it, ychiits actual plot is so mundane, but for that, the characters were what mattered to me and a complicated plot would have taken away from that. The two wips mean different things to me as well. Writing fanfiction falls into that as well. I have no desire to write original works because writing Larry fanfiction means more to me.

3) General techniques that work for me. I could probably write an essay on this, but basically, I have so many strategies to get myself to write based on my mood.

4) Comments. I doubt I'd be close to as productive without comments and interactions. I probably get over 250 comments a week across all four fics now, and it's hard not to stay motivated when that happens. But at the start of ychiits I was getting like 4-5 comments per chapter, and that was still as motivating! (So please comment on every fic you love).

5) Planning. ychiits has a full draft. My current WIPs are less so because I found I didn't copy a single sentence from ychiits so it seemed silly to have a 100k draft when I only referred to it for scenes/chapters. So now I just focus on a general plot. My study looks like a serial killer den because of all the posters and cork boards and white boards where I keep all the plans. So, if i get stuck on a chapter, I write out everything I want to include in it. The more stuck I am, the more I flesh out the plan.

6) Talking things through with others. I started Ychiits because I know anyone in the fandom at all, so I was completely alone and didn't have a single beta until the last chapter when @hereforh and @enchantedlandcoffee looked through it as readers to make sure it all aligned so you can definitely do it without this. But now, because I have friends, lol, if I get stuck on a scene or chapter, I have people to talk to and bounce ideas off them and check they think what I'm writing makes sense. I've mentioned in my AN, but @hereforh and I have a constant chat - different time zones - and at least half of the time we're talking about fic ideas etc. @nooradeservedbetter also gives me amazing advice when I'm stuck.

7) Privilege. I don't know how to talk about this without sounding like I'm bragging. However, my job is after-hours. So, I don't work during the day on weekdays. It's a well-paying job, so I don't work full-time - my hourly rate is about double what it was when I worked in a hospital. Some of my shifts are being on-call overnight. This means I spend 10 hours in my study but only have to work when I get a call (that being said, I'm not very productive after 2am, so it doesn't help that much). There is still a need for me to bring in income, and does still take away hours from writing, but I obviously have more time to write than I did when I was working full-time.

8) Lack of sleep. Okay, so realistically, I need just as much sleep as everyone else, I know that. But I seem to survive better than most people would on the same amount of sleep.

9) Supportive husband. I mean, he's never read a word I've written or anything, but he is supportive in the sense that he knows writing is something I value and doesn't talk down about it. I think he'd be just as supportive if I were actually making an income from it as he is about it being fanfiction.

10) ADHD diagnosis and meds. Even medicated, my ADHD is still a big challenge to writing. It might not seem like that because of the frequency that I upload, but it still does. For example, I'll click out of the document to google a word or something and straight away get side-tracked, and after an hour, I'll remember that I was writing and come back to the document and realise I still didn't even google the word and the process starts all over again. But knowing that my brain works differently helps - i.e I know I can only write in 20-minute blocks, and then I need a break. That probably falls more into point three, but I know my limitations now. And ADHD meds still help bring me up to a point where I can actually finish things.

11) Letting go of perfectionism. Could my work be 10x better than it is? Yes. But when I'm writing and uploading 20k+ words a week, I don't have time to try and get every sentence perfect. The thing is, perfectionism freezes me. I probably would give myself more time between deadlines if I was sure that I would use that time to perfect chapters. But I either would still wait until the last minute and not use the extra time, or I'd get too wrapped up in getting every word perfect that I'd still miss every deadline. There are plenty of "good enough" words, sentences, paragraphs, and scenes in my fics that I know could be better, but I just don't have time to spend twenty minutes trying to find the right word or the best sentence structure. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, this is still long af but I hope it helps a little. Happy to elaborate on any points - because I could definitely right about this all day - but again, it's already long af and I'm not sure if it is helpful at all lol.

#anon #answered anon #writing advice

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purplesurveys · 3 months

Text

1806

Are you tired? Are you taking this survey because you can’t sleep? Not very tired at all even if it's past midnight. I finally feel the calm that's been evading me for a while because 1) I have a long weekend, and 2) I can also finally stop fooling myself about resigning 'soon,' because I did it already a week ago :)

Do you have something important to do? Not right now but I'll be doing a lot of job hunting in the next few weeks! Also tomorrow morning I'll be heading out to get my car checked because the handbrake icon has been lighting up for a while now and I need to know what's up with that lol.

Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? It tastes okay but I'm generally not a fan of packed snacks.

Do you wish you had a new phone? No but I need to start taking care of my current phone, cos I learned today that the battery capacity left on it is at 77% which is apparently already horrible haha. I'm not in any rush to replace it at least until a year or two from now as it's still a fairly new phone, so it's just a matter of watching out for how much I use it going forward.

Name one thing you ate today? Instant laksa.

Do you like 80’s music? 60’s music? 90’s music? I have songs I like from each decade but none of them stand out for me when it comes to music in general.

Do you find rap music annoying? Rap music, and any genre for that matter, is super broad though. There are albums I like but then there are those songs that can get superficial about drugs and sex and have a lot of autotune that just makes me go egh.

What song is stuck in your head? I'm Fine by BTS because it was the last song I played on Rhythm Hive before closing the game earlier today lol.

Have you ever been to Germany? Never been.

Do you drink coffee in the mornings? I need to, otherwise I'd feel super disoriented and not be able to get as focused at work.

Do you become a fan of lots of things on Facebook? Not anymore, but I remember how huge that was before. People made pages out of anything and everyone would just be fans of them.

What time do you go to bed on school/work nights? Around midnight or a little past.

Have you ever seen a therapist? I've never had a session with one, actually. Even though there were many times in the past where I know I should've.

Do you get in trouble at school often? No. I got scolded once for talking during a class in Grade 4 and from there made it a point to never disrupt again haha.

Do you watch videos on YouTube? All the time. Even if I don't watch a video per se, I like having YouTube on as background noise/visuals and keep it playing all day long.

Name a song that makes you happy. These days, Paramore's Escape Route has been giving me all the happy vibes.

Name a song that makes you want to dance. Home by BTS.

Name a song that brings back memories. Fireflies by Owl City.

Does the song above bring back good or bad memories? A little bit of both, but mostly good.

What decade do you think is the best musically? I'd be the worst person to ask this as I never really was an adventurous listener. I also feel like each decade has their own styles and charms when it comes to music so as far as 'musically best' I'd find it hard to tell.

Do you take a long time to get ready in the mornings? I need around 30-45 minutes to prep before work. That includes taking a shower, making my bed, cleaning my room, playing with the dogs for a few minutes, and making coffee.

Do you wear a lot of makeup? Does BB cream count? That's really the only thing I apply, and foundation. But yeah in general, the answer is no.

Have you ever written poetry or fiction? I've dabbled in both but never enjoyed it. I was always one for non-fiction writing.

Do you know how to read music? Nope. We had drills in music class where we had to read notes and such, but I never retained those and if you quizzed me right now I'd pretty much be clueless.

Do you regularly use a blow dryer? I don't.

When was the last time you went to church? Three Sundays ago. The last two I missed because I watched a public Royal Rumble watch party, then had a work event to oversee.

Would you date someone who was a different religion than you? I wouldn't date anyone who's closely tied to their religion.

What is your best subject in school? History.

Name something you do nearly everyday. Use a laptop.

Do you take surveys a lot? Than the average person, absolutely. Within the community...not nearly as much as I used to. I usually have time to check in only on the weekends now.

Have you ever had sushi? Yes, it's one of my favorite foods. I literally had sushi at least once every week in January hahaha.

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books-and-catears · 3 years

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Right everyone hold on to your feels, you will shortly be boarding Angst Express 101. Just look at this brilliant and angsty ask I'm speechless. Even the pairings you asked for are so unique and well thought this is a perfect angst concept. And I really hope I could do this justice. Thank you so much for this ask @saltypaperdestiny

So very sorry for the delay, this was the longest ask I've ever written and boy was I delighted. Though I have to admit I had to cry through some of them myself. This is PART 1. Rest of the brothers and the newly Dateables coming soon in part 2.

Who loved you first? Pt1

Lucifer : Simeon

It was time, he decided. After months of being in your presence, his prideful heart had melted enough to recognise his feelings for you. You were the only he'd truly humble down for, because the affection and care you displayed was unparalled.

"MC please get dressed in something nice. I'm taking you to Ristorante Six as a thank you for helping me with Cerebus and the council paperwork" He says to you, barely containing the excitement. He couldn't wait to see the look on your face when he confessed and how you'd blush when you kissed your knuckles and your cheek and wait - What is Simeon doing in your room at this hour?

He didn't want to interrupt, surely it might be nothing to bother about. He patiently waited outside until he heard what Simeon said.

Simeon: MC... You look beautiful, what's the occasion?

MC: Aw thank you Simeon. You're always so kind. It's nothing much, Lucifer is taking me out as a thank you.

Simeon: Oh do you have to leave right away...?

MC: Oh no no. It's okay I have some more time.

Simeon: Well I originally came here to invite you to try Luke's latest attempt at some new recipes but now there's something else I feel like I must tell you. *Blushes* Something I've been holding back for too long.

MC: *joking* Oh what have you been hiding from me, angel? Speak I beseech you!

Simeon: *laughing and then going solemn* MC... *Takes your hands in his* I love you. I love you with all my heart.

MC: ....me? You love..me? But I'm not nearly-

Simeon: You're the most beautiful soul I've ever met. You radiate kindness and forgiveness and everything pure, overcoming the seven biggest evils you reside with. How can I not love you? Tell me, MC, will you accept me as yours?

Lucifer had a half a mind to storm in and laugh in Simeon's face. What a failure this attempt was going to be. His pride grew inside him as he stifled a laugh. MC was his and only his and now he would take pleasure in watching Simeon learn that. Surely MC was going to turn him down nicely but still. He creeped closer to the door, looking through the open crack.

MC: *in tears* Oh Simeon, I love you too! I never thought an angel could ever love me back!

Simeon: *kisses her knuckles* So... It's a yes?!

MC: Yes yes yes! Oh of course it's a yes! *Hugs him tight* My guardian angel who protects me in the dark, oh how I love you.

Simeon: *laughing as he picks you up and spins you around* Oh how happy you've made me MC! I'm the happiest being alive!

MC: *kissing his cheek* So am I, Simeon. I love you with all my heart.

It took Lucifer all his strength to not collapse or go into a violent frenzy. He balled up his fists so tight, the gloves started tearing at the seams. He watched you smiling so gleefully in his arms, looking so radiant. When Simeon dipped his head down to kiss you, the moonlight poured in through the window as if blessing your union.

It was supposed to be him. If only he made it to your room sooner, it could have been him. Embracing all your beauty, being the cause of the shining smile. IT COULD HAVE BEEN HIM.

At his best

"Are you really that happy with him?" he asks you later that night. The blush on your cheeks and that cheeky smile says it all.

"Congratulations MC." You look so joyous even at the thought of Simeon, how could he ruin that?

His temper is worse, more unforgiving towards all his brothers. He has to bear with your absence in the house all day. The fact that he knows you're at Purgatory hall, sipping tea and arm in arm with him pains him to think.

You bring Simeon along to the council to help him too. He outright denies and asks both of you to leave.

He only ever feels calm to see you alone, but that is even rarer with his brothers around to hog his remaining time.

Eventually makes his peace with it, maybe you're better off with someone as pure as yourself than a demon like him.

At his worst

His wrath is back. It's almost bad enough to birth another Satan. His sense of entitlement is through the roof.

He snaps three weeks later when Simeon and you tell everyone about it and decide that you'll be moving to Purgatory hall soon. Everyone claps and rejoices while Lucifer, drunk off Demonus, crashes the fun.

"Simeon, you dirty cheat, pretending to be all pure with your white wings and devious smile. How dare you?!" He says in calm and deadly rage.

"Lucifer... what's wrong-" You approach him to ask. He looks at you and you see the little tears in the corners.

"MC WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE THAT NIGHT. MINE. NOT YOURS. THE ONLY BEING THAT CAME CLOSE ENOUGH TO STEAL MY HEART AND YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME."

Lucifer was louder now, hysterically angry, throwing his glass on the floor. "AND I KNOW THEY WOULD HAVE PICKED ME IF I GOT TO THEM FIRST! I LOVED THEM TOO DAMNIT." Simeon stood in front of you to protect you from Lucifer's rage. You hid your face in your hands, breaking down in sobs. What is happening? Where did you go wrong?

"Look at them, Lucifer. Look. At. What. You've. Done. And don't tell you've forgotten how many times you've threatened their lives before." Simeon said, holding you tight as you cried into his chest. "How dare you still feel like you deserve them?"

Lucifer sees you broken down, clutching onto Simeon for dear life, crying. You were smiling just a minute ago what has he done? Simeon blocked off his view with his pearly white wings. A reminder of what Lucifer used to be and cannot be again.

Mammon: Asmodeus

You were his human. And he was your first demon. No one was more territorial about you than him. So he finally made up his mind to seal the deal. No more lying about his feelings. He was going to claim you, once and for all. He imagined you smiling and running your hands through his hair and kissing him returning his feelings.

"MC! I brought the movie of the day!" He barged into your room excited, but you were nowhere to be found. Where could you have gone? It was your movie night with him. You were supposed to be waiting for him inside. He asked his brothers and they said you were with Asmo. He stomped his way up to Asmo's room and called out your name. No response. Not till he peeked inside the dark washroom. You were holding Asmo who looked very unstable and weak, sitting at the side of the bath.

MC: Asmo why don't you listen to me when I tell you not to drink so much!?

Asmo: I'm sorry MC *hic* I needed it today...

MC: Why? What's so scary that you don't have the confidence to do sober?

Asmo: MC do you think I look beautiful?

MC: Of course Asmo, you always do.

Asmo: Even with my runny make up, red nose and swollen eyes and this horrible complexion?

MC: *grabs his face* You're always beautiful to me MC.

Asmo: I...I stopped sleeping around MC. I couldn't do it anymore. *tearing up* Because to them, I'm only beautiful with a perfect covered up face.

MC: Asmo...they're blind and shallow demons who don't know anything! I know you, and I know how much more beautiful you are inside out. Don't listen to them.

Asmo feeling insecure about his appearance? What a big fat lie. Is this his new ploy to get to you? How irritating. It's not going to work, Mammon knows you're smarter than that. The Avatar of Lust can manipulate in many ways. Surely his human was smart enough to see through that!

Asmo: MC, I knew you were the one only who truly loved me. And today, I found the one I love too. Much more than I love myself. So I needed a drink to tell you this.

MC: Asmo...

Asmo: *holding your face gently* MC you saw past this pretty face. You saw the things I do more than what I am. Or what I pretend to be. I know it's hard to believe coming from the Avatar of Lust... But MC, I truly really love you. *looks down and sobs* But you probably can't believe me right?

MC: Asmo. Look at me. *You run your fingers through his hair and he looks up with teary eyes* I believe you. And I've loved you too. You're the only one who never hurt me. The one who willingly made a pact with me. You've been so sweet to me since I came. How could I love anyone else?

Asmo: MC I want you all to myself. Will you be mine? Only mine? I swear I'll keep you happy always!

MC: Of course Asmo. I'll all yours. I'm your little human. *giggling and kissing his head*

Asmo: *grabs and kisses you* MC, if you want, I can be your actual first tonight.

Mammon fell to his knees. He wanted to barge in and scream. He wanted to wrestle Asmo to the ground. He wanted to break his face for saying the words that were special to him and you. But your response had him paralysed. You...accepted him. You agreed to be his.

Silent tears streamed down his face as he watched you embracing Asmo, peppering kisses all over his face, running your hands through his hair, laughing and frolicking in the water with him. The colored moonlight through the stained glass danced on their skin like a scene from his favourite movie.

At his best

He cries to himself for days. Spends as much time outside as he can.

Maybe he is an idiot for thinking he had a chance with him. How could he compete with Asmo's charms.

Maybe it hurt more because Asmo didn't even have to use his charms.

Only ever tries to talk to you if he's sure your alone. One time he barged into your room and caught you and Asmo tangled up together and it broke him all over again.

He watched as you twirled around in a new outfit Asmo bought. He scoffs. He could have bought it for you too.

You both look so cheerful and in love, he decides to accept it. For the sake of his little brother and the human he loves.

At his worst

Breaks down and lets his emotions out in the worst way possible. Too desperate to win you back somehow.

Asmo and you were just telling Solomon and Simeon about your relationship when Mammon barged in through the doors of Purgatory halls.

"MC look! Look what I got you!" He came in all ragged. He knelt down and pulled out a ring. "Take me instead! I was your first wasn't I MC? Don't let him take my place please!"

"Mammon no... No please don't be this way...I'm sorry..." You kneel down next to him as he screams and sobs like a child. You feel guilty. You caused this. You lead him on. You fight your own tears as you keep apologising.

Asmo yanks you up and wraps his arms around you, staring down angrily at Mammon. "Mammon, leave."

Mammon lunged at Asmo. "I was going to tell them. That night was our movie night. You stole that night from me. YOU STOLE MY CHANCE AND MY MC!"

Asmo mocked at him with a sardonic laugh. "You still assume MC is yours without even telling them. You kept lying about your feelings and hurting them in the process. And yet, when they finally look happy, you come and make them cry. You are a scumbag Mammon."

Mammon looked at your tear stained face, nestled inside Asmo's arms and wings. He really felt like nothing but a scumbag.

Leviathan : Belphegor

Levi fell in love with you since your first act of kindness. As a shut-in whose only conversations were with his own eccentric and dismissive brothers, you were an angel who had brought him the gift of true companionship. Honestly he was okay being your best friend, until the day he started craving more. So he decided it was time to tell you.

'MC come to my room! I have a new game to show you!' It was a virtual dating game where he was going to confess digitally. You always loved his creative ways of doing simple stuff after all. He decided to play your favourite game while waiting for you. He even left the door ajar. Now he wished he didn't.

Belphie: MC do you have a minute?

MC: Yeah I was just heading to Levi's room what's up?

Belphie: I think I fallen in love with you, MC.

MC: .... Huh?

Levi almost burst out laughing hearing Belphie's confession. What kind of a bland confession is that? How can someone say that so easily? No that was definitely a joke on MC or something. Surely MC wouldn't take this seriously.

Belphie: I had a dream just now. About you.

MC: Uh huh?

Belphie: In that dream, we were up in the sky, among the stars. And you looked so pretty glittering along with them all. So I kissed you impulsively. And you kissed me back.

MC: ...that's a sweet dream. *blushes*

Belphie: *takes your hand* I woke up and my first thougt was I wish that was real. And then I realised it can be.

MC: ...

Belphie: I want to be able to kiss you always. I want to be able to take you far away. I want all your time. I love you MC. Be mine.

MC: Belphie I-

Belphie: I know, how can you possibly love your own murderer...? *Sighs* I cannot undo what I did. I'm sorry MC. I can only swear that I won't ever let that happen again.

MC: *smiles and cups his face* You were locked away for 3 millenia I can imagine your endless anger and grief for your sister. I forgave you long ago.

Belphie: So does that mean you'll accept me?

MC: You're already mine, silly. And now I'm yours. You're the only one I can relax with in the whole realm.

Belphie: MC... Come here. *holds you close and kisses you*

Levi's game screen displayed the message "GAME OVER: You lose". Levi couldn't see it clearly. His vision was blurred by the tears brimming on his eyes. You and Belphie looked to distant shadows on the moon.

He blamed himself for even thinking he had a chance with you. But maybe just...maybe if he had gotten there before? He stared at the screen and then at his spare console that he had declared yours. He picked up it, and locked it inside. Probably won't be needing it anytime soon.

At his best

He barely comes out of his room anymore. He tries to return your smile at breakfast but then returns hurriedly, leaving Beel to finish most of his food.

"Are you sure you want to play games? Wouldn't you rather go up to the attic" He mutters under his breath sometimes and then says it's nothing when you ask him.

Pains him when he sees you curled with Belphie in random places, dozing off. Might cover you with a blanket. Just you though.

Spites Belphie. A lot of people have said they look and act alike. But somehow you like sleeping more than anime and gaming?

Just accepts it as his fate. Atleast he's still your best friend, right?

At his worst

He's called the Avatar of Envy for a reason. He can barely hold it in seeing the both of you together constantly.

Belphie you and Beel were having a jolly time watching a movie and eating snacks while Belphie slept curled up in your lap. Levi happened to walk in while you were rubbing Belphie's head soothingly.

For some reason, Levi couldn't hold it in anymore. "UGH YOU FUCKING NORMIES!" he screamed out of frustration.

Belphie woke up drowsily when you stopped at stared at Levi holding back tears in the doorway. "Levi..what's wrong.." you call out to him.

He barges in and pushes Belphie off you and grabs your hands, tears falling and him screaming. "Why do you care, MC?! I'm a just disgusting shut in otaku right?! But guess what even as that I do more than just sleep and drool all fucking day! AND MORE IMPORTANTLY ATLEAST IM NOT THE ONE WHO KILLED YOU! So why him? WHY NOT ME MC?!"

"Levi...no..." You plead with him to calm down, tearing up yourself. You should have known. You should have known this would happen.

Belphie violently pushed Levi off you and grabbed him by the collar. "You were the first one to attack MC in this house. And I'm sure you would have killed them if not for Lucifer. So stop pretending you're better than me, you ridiculous creep. A shut in like you is worthless. The only thing you're good at is making MC distressed."

Levi looked at you trying to pull Belphie back, tears streaming down your face and hung his head low. It was simply an Otome game and MC didn't choose him.

Satan: Solomon

Satan took his time to fall. With late night studying session, every cat cafe date, every trip to the museum - he fell more and more each time. To the point where he wanted to spend every waking moment with you. And he was ready to tell you.

For a whole week, he kept writing and scrapping the perfect love letter for you. Then he realised you were someone who preferred simple honesty. "MC please wait for me in the library I'll be there shortly." He'd said before he dashed out to bring a boquet of your favourite flowers and a book which reminded him of you. He'd almost made it to the library, he saw you waiting inside for him eagerly. That was until someone flew in through the window.

Solomon? What's he doing at this hour? Satan peeked in through the half open library door. He wanted to be alone with you so he'd wait till Solomon was gone. He shouldn't have waited.

MC: Solomon! You scared me silly!

Solomon: *laughing* Your face just now MC...so adorable! Like a scared kitten!

MC: You wooshed in through the window!

Solomon: Okay okay my bad. Now what are you doing in the library so late at night. I went to your room and couldn't find you.

MC: Oh Satan called me out here. Told me to wait for him. Maybe there's a new book he wants to read.

Solomon: Do you guys do that often? Reading books this late?

MC: Haha yeah usually we just read in my room or his at night, in case we fall asleep.

Solomon: *sigh* So unfair.

MC: What's unfair?

Solomon: You and I are the only humans here. Why did they put us in different houses? Shouldn't we... be together more often?

MC: Well logically yes we should. Just classes and magic lessons aren't enough! You should live here too!

Solomon: I doubt Lucifer would be okay with that. But well.. here's the real reason I'm here now. *brings out a little basket*

MC: That's...that's a kitten! Hi baby! What's her name!?

Solomon: MC.

MC: Yeah what?

Solomon: No I named the kitten MC. This way I get to call your name as much as I want haha. The silly things us humans do for love, huh?

Satan had a sick feeling in his stomach. Watching you and him sitting in the moonlight, surrounded by books, cuddling a kitten and confessing...that should be him. Him not Solomon. He didn't like where this was heading. But just like you can't help but stare at disaster - he couldn't look away. What was MC going to say...?

MC: Solomon... *blushes*

Solomon: Does my affection scare you? *reaches for your hand*

MC: Of course not...I.. *gets closer and intertwining your fingers together*

Solomon: Is this your way of showing-

MC: *blushes* Yes. I love you too.

Solomon: I believe I've lived for a 1000 years just to hear those words. *kisses you against the bookshelves*

MC: I believe you've gotten 1000 years worth of romantic lines stored away in that head of yours. *Laughs and kisses him back*

Solomon: Let's take this to the moon shall we?

Satan watched as he took you and kitten in his arms and flew out the window. Satan rushed in not wanting to lose sight of you, dropping the flowers and books. Balling his fists, he choked on his angry tears as he watched you both laughing and kissing against the bright light of the moon. He felt like his own happy ending was stolen from him.

When you disappeared from view, he let out a blood curdling scream, pulling at his own hair and knocking over the bookshelf against which Solomon kissed you. The wrath inside him made him thrashing around in pain, burning him inside out. The flowers he dropped, lay there next to his sobbing body, wilting in his pain.

At his best

He manages to put on his best fake smile and go about his day. Tries hard to hide his annoyance if you bring him up.

But you seem so happy and you often invite him to new cat cafes and shelters. So despite Solomon's presence, he feels calm because of you and the cats.

Is secretly happy you get to spend more time with him than Solomon. Takes advantage of that and hogs you all to himself while in the house

While he can't hold or kiss you the way the Solomon does, you're here next to him, reading his recommended books. That's enough to soothe his yearning heart.

At his worst

The war for love is on. He doesn't care if Solomon already won. He will still declare his love no matter what.

It started out as subtle, he did what he knew Solomon couldn't. Cooking MC's favourite dishes whenever it was his turn to cook.

Tries to subtly reinforce his intelligence over Solomon when you're around. What's 1000 years of knowledge worth, Satan has been there since the first millenia ever

But the day Solomon and you announced you'll be moving to Purgatory Hall, he charged at him, his demon form angry and glowing. "How dare you think you can take them away from us? You think you can win against us... against me? You may have taken my chance with them but I won't let you take them away! They belong here with me!"

You inched closer to Satan's form. You'd never seem him this angry. "Satan please calm down-" Satan wasn't listening. He let out a feral growl and attacked Solomon.

Solomon held MC by his side and made a protection shield Satan couldn't get through. You started crying, watching his wrath take over, he must be in so much pain.

Solomon felt you curl up against him in fear and guilt. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed Satan by the scruff of his neck, like you'd do with a misbehaving cat.

"You say you want to protect them and yet look what you did instead." Solomon said. Satan looked helplessly at you, crying with your face buried in your hands. Glancing at his horns in the mirror, he called out to you sadly, "MC..."

Solomon creeped closer and said in a deadly low voice. "You love fairy tales right Satan? Well in the story of Beauty and the Beast, they could only be together because the beast was actually a human." And Satan was far from being a human.

Asmo : Mammon

It happened the day Asmo looked into the mirror and felt something missing. Suddenly his own reflection wasn't enough anymore. He pondered what it was when you happened to walk into his room and hug him from behind. And then he found the missing piece. You. He simply had to make sure you would become a part of him now.

Now contrary to popular belief, he did get nervous while thinking of proposing. This man is all about lust and a little kid when it comes to love. It's a whole new emotion and he's unsure how to deal with it. With some advice from Satan's romance books he lights your room up with candles, groomed himself perfectly, waiting for you to return to your room. Only you don't come. "What's taking MC so long?!"

He headed out and found you in Mammon's room instead. Asmo saw in the reflection off the mirror, Mammon's shirt off and him lying on his front as you poured ointment over his scars.

Mammon: Oi MC please don't be so upset...

MC: You didn't deserve this. You didn't. I did.

Mammon: MC, not again.

MC: You took my punishment. You took the blame for the broken vase for my sake.

Mammon: I didn't want ya getting hurt ya stupid human!

MC: Don't be calling me stupid and then go off doing stupid stuff yourself! *cries*

Mammon: MC...no don't cry. Please I'm sorry.

MC: Don't apologize for this! Mammon you're too kind... You keep taking blame for others, and the others just UGH.

Mammon: I've gotten used to Lucifer's punishments, MC! I'm more used to it than my brothers so I can take it!

MC: .... You're such a sweet big brother. You can't stop protecting the people you love, can you?

Mammon: *turns around to lie on his back* Now you get why I need to protect ya, don't ya?

Asmo's eyes flew open as did yours. Mammon just confessed to you. Albeit indirectly, but really did. But he felt pity for his older brother. Sure he was caring and sweet sometimes, but mostly he was a thief and a scumbag who constantly gets into trouble. He didn't stand a chance against Asmo's charms.

MC: Mammon... You silly demon. I love you too. *Lays their head on his chest*

Mammon: *blushes and coughs* Of course ya love the Great Mammon, human!

MC: *smiles against his skin* Swear to me, you won't ever do that again else I will fight Lucifer myself!

Mammon: *smiles* He's attacked ya thrice and yer face still loses its colour whenver he's around and yet yer thinking of fighting him for my sake, MC?

MC: OF COURSE!

Mammon: But I don't want that. Ya did too much for all of us when ya sacrificed your life to bring Belphie back. I should know, I held ya in my arms. *Tears up* Ya know ye were smiling still?? So calm and undisturbed as if ya didn't care what happens to ya now that all the brothers are together?

MC: You caught me...

Mammon: And I never want to catch ya like that again, get that human!? I will be a good protector as I was meant to be.

MC: Mammon... you're far too kind to be a demon. *Kisses him and gets on top of him*

Mammon: *grips their arms and holds them close* Stay with me tonight.

Asmo watched as you nodded and took off your top and lay down over him again, your skins in gentle and intimate contact and you both wrap your arms around and you presses kisses onto each other. The moonlight danced on your entangled bodies.

He stared and stared, his insides burning with an alien feeling. He hadn't known envy till you came along. His signature move would be to call both of you out and suggest a threesome, but what you both seemed to have was impenetrable. And in the mirror where he saw your reflections, he couldn't see himself.

At his best

This demon had never known love. He might have if Mammon hadn't decides to confess that very night.

But who cares? What's done is done. It's time to root for the both of you. He still has his followers to turn to.

"Mammon finally confessed huh?" He asked jokingly. Until he saw you blush and nod.

"You both must have fun together huh?" He says with a dry laugh.

Your hugs and headpats still keep him going. He takes you buy new dresses knowing it's to impress Mammon instead.

Tries so hard to conceal his tears and tantrums around you. He doesn't want to lose the small part of you that he had left.

At his worst

He cannot stay home. The sight of you both together makes him irritated and stressed both very bad for his skin.

He drinks and parties uncontrollably, bringing home demons and succubi that always seem to resemble you.

One night, Lucifer had enough and caught him by the collar, forbidding him to go to his room. Asmo giggled until Mammon and you showed up.

He swiftly escaped Lucifer's grasp and lunged at you, holding your face between his trembling hands. You look at him closely, his make up was messier than usual, the cresent underneath his eyes was darker than usual.

"MC...look at me. Look at only me. Just for a little while." Asmo said and his eyes glowed. He'd turned on his charm on full force as he leaned into you for a kiss.

Mammon pushed him back and stood before you protectively. Asmo fell back, laughing like a maniac. "Stupid Mammon they are with you out of pity! How long do you think you can make them stay with that stupid brain and sub par beauty?"

You teared up and screamed, "Asmo stop saying things like that! You dont even know anything about him!" Mammon hugged you tight, trying to calm you down.

And then in a lowly growl he said, "Asmo don't let me see ya laying a finger on MC again. Ya would see how people really see ya if you learnt to look away from your own reflection!"

But Asmo did. He did look away from his reflection. He looked at you. Only you didn't look back at him.

Keep reading Pt. 2

#obey me angst #obey me heavy angst #obey me headcanon #obey me headcannons #obey me angst headcanon #obey me Lucifer #obey me Mammon #obey me Levi #obey me Leviathan #obey me Satan #obey me Asmo #obey me Asmodeus #obey me Simeon #obey me Solomon #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me MC

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backtotheshitshow · 3 years

Text

The Weight of Guilt Part5. (James Potter x Mute!reader)

Part1 Part2 Part3 Part4

Disclaimer: I myself am not mute. If anything that I have written isn't correct or if I haven't used the correct terms plz tell me and I will fix it as soon as I can. <3

Warning: angst, crying,

Summary: hugs always help.

___________

The sun had almost set on Hogwarts and Y/n was supposed to be back at her dorm room half an hour ago. She was walking through the halls as fast as possible so that she would not get caught coming back from the Library.

Y/n turned a corner, preparing to take a short cut going onto a balcony. She stopped dead in her tracks, standing on the balcony, leaning over the guard wall was James. Of course it had to be him, he was doing his head boy rounds after all.

Even with y/n's sudden stop and gasp of surprise, James didn't seem to notice. He continued to stare blankly off into the distance. It wasn't until y/n dropped a book that he turned his head towards her.

"Y/n." James said in shock. Y/n returning a small smile.

She began to right down a valid reason on some paper as to why she was out at thus time.

"Its okay. I-i won't give you a detention. I know your were only at the Library." James protested. Y/n nodded a thank you and went to leave.

"Ah b-before you go I-I wanted to ask you something."

Y/n faced James allowing him to continue.

"I need to know whether....whether we're still together, ahhhh...because you've left some books in my dorm." James nodded as if approving of his own words.

Y/n thought for a moment and went to reply but was cut off.

"Oh merlin, who am I fooling. I need to know because its killing me." James walked towards Y/n, taking her hands in his. " its been a week and I can't sleep properly, I can't focus on anything other than you. I can't eat." He pleaded.

Y/n feeling slightly uncomfortable pulled her hands out of his grip. James lower his head and looked to the ground.

" I know what I did was horrible and I can never take it back. But I need you to know that i.....I love you, okay. And I know it'll be hard to believe after what I said to you. But I do." James pause collecting his thoughts and wiping his eyes.

'Why did you say that to me, James?'

He stared at the paper awhile, "saying I was angry and that i didn't mean it, doesn't excuse what I said."

"No. Why did you say you love me?'

"Why did I- how could I not. You make me smile just by looking at you. You've helped me see and learn so much, you understand what I try to say even when I don't make sense. And I've been nothing but a prick the entire time we've been together and even before that, and yet you were still so kind and sweet to me. I fall in love with you a tiny bit more every day. And I can't lose you because I was an idiot."

There are some moments in life when words aren't needed, spoken or written. With Y/n and James hugs have always seemed to bring then together. A hug is what let James tell Y/n he was sorry and ask her out. And now a hug will bring them back together.

And despite the cold air the two held each other tight as if the other would disappear if they let go.

"I'll take you to the Library tomorrow, love. I'll read as much as you want." Y/n only hugged him tighter.

___________

#james potter #marauders x y/n #angst #mute!#james potter angst #james potter imagine #james potter x y/n #marauders angst #marauders x reader #hogwarts #hugs #james potter fluff #james potter blurb

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batfamtv · 3 years

Text

me after writing smut: is this who i am? is this who i represent? lmao i've never written smut until trese, i guess the thirst was too much, let me know how y'all like it! thank you so much for all your support, ily <3

(ﾉ´ з `)ノ

kambal x reader; established relationship

gif by @rasputinaillyanna (see their original gifsets here!)

sfw

the three idiots

seriously, alexandra feels like she keeps aging 20+ years whenever you three are together and goofing around

this is one of the reasons why you’re not allowed on the field with them, they’d get absolutely nothing done

that, and the twins simply wont put you in danger under any circumstances

alexandra also treats you like a sister (in law) and wants you safe, but can only do so much to keep you out of their lives since you still find ways to help them out

absolutely rowdy when you’re with basilio, you and him practically have a lot of inside jokes and a secret language

people would give you both weird looks when you’re out in public, just because you’re both so damn loud

with crispin you’re more mature (but not a lot), he does these grand gestures like taking you out on expensive dates, takes instagram/pinterest style pics of you

basilio also takes pics of you, but those are some of the most unflattering ones that he sends to your groupchat as memes

the ppl who arent familiar with your relationship with the twins are almost often confused when they see you with just the one twin: they’d think “huh i saw this couple a week ago, but i could have sworn the boyfriend had much shorter hair, it couldn’t have grown that long in a week, right?”

when you do go out with the twins, they flank you and you almost get squished in between them, so sometimes you have to push them both to the sides so that you would have space to move around

the three of you like to just chill at the mall sometimes, go window shopping and then eat samgyup/mang inasal later on

other times when you manage to drag alexandra with you, people would assume that you guys are on a double date, and alexandra has the ugliest/most disgusted look on her face as she corrects them “these are my brothers” “im gay”

in your groupchat (just you and the twins) crispin is the sweet, doting one who would text you “have you eaten?” “want us to pick something up for you on the way home?” while basilio sends you memes and selfies of the twins

they send you videos and pics of pets they meet “today we met brownie and blackie”

with regards to living arrangements, the twins have separate rooms (basilio’s is the messy one, smells weird)

when you moved in, alexandra offered you your own room, and most of the time that’s where the boys stay anyway

the bed is much larger than theirs because it needs to accommodate all three of you

you three try to cook meals for ate alexandra, but it almost always turns out disastrous - mostly when basilio insists on helping

so you always make him run errands (“can you go pick up some more garlic and magic sarap”) while you and crispin man the stoves

you braid basilio’s hair while crispin tunes his guitar!!

and you spend a couple of hours listening to crispin play the guitar, basilio’s head now resting on your lap

crispin’s movie taste are like *film* and *poetic cinema* while basilio might enjoy movies that are so bad they’re good, but you three are all suckers for superhero ensemble movies and horror movies

the boys become really annoying when watching filipino horror movies because they like to point out mistakes in the film “aswangs dont do that” “why would you go there all alone are you stupid???”

“please boys i just wanna watch the movie”

a huge cuddle pile

both boys run hot, so during cold nights (that never happen, bc you live in the philippines) you’re all warm and toasty between them

both light sleepers! they were pretty heavy sleepers when they were kids/teenagers, but the occupational hazard of their jobs require them to be ready at a moment’s notice

they still, however, snore quite loudly

crispin doesn’t ever tend to move positions when sleeping, he wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in

basilio rotates around the bed like hands of a clock

most often falls off the bed, but clumsily climbs back up and cuddles you

really really simpy when it comes to you, though most of the time it’s just you three sharing one brain cell (it’s with you, mostly), they can be quite romantic and cheesy if they want to

crispin probably has his brother as just “Basilio” on his phone, and “Y/N ❤️" for you

basilio has “my love ❤️😍😘💘 ” for you and crispin’s number isn’t even registered lol

nsfw under the cut

nsfw

threesome? threesome

boys barely do anything separately and usually just have a Single Thought in both their heads, so if one is horny, the other one is 69% (lol) horny as well

you realize that crispin doesn’t like to be teased at work, but basilio enjoys it so much

you find this out when you’re alone and horny, so you send a pic of you touching yourself to the boys in your groupchat

crispin sees it first, but doesn’t say anything?? he honest to god just left you on read

meanwhile basilio also sees your pic not too long after and you quickly get a “what the fuck” as a reply from him

like 10 mins later he sends you a pic of him in what looks like a washroom and his cock is straining in his pants

he texts you “had to find a washroom so fucking fast so that ate alex and the police captain doesn’t see me so fucking hard in my pants” and “wanna eat you pussy babe”

crispin does text you when the three are on their way home, not mentioning the picture you sent “we’re on our way home”

and at first you thought he is mad at you bc he didn’t bring the nude up?? does he not want you anymore :(

but the moment they arrive crispin all but sprints to your shared bedroom and sees you there, in your underwear

holds your cheeks in one hand, “what the fuck was that baby, hmm? what did you send us?”

you try to ask if he’s mad bc you sent him a nude, ask him if there’s anything wrong, but he just lets your face go as he takes his suit off, basilio finds his way to your room, locks it, and gives you a kiss

basilio whispers “missed you baby” against your mouth before moving away to undress

crispin, now fully naked in front of you, makes you suck his cock, which is hard and twitching, its tip leaking with precum, he makes you place both his hands on your head, “do you know how surprised i was when i saw a text from you and it’s a picture of you touching your cunt? hmm?” he sighs as he sees you looking up at him, eyes watering as you struggle to take all of his cock down your throat “i had to stop myself from getting hard in front of everyone, baby, basilio couldn’t even do that”

basilio huffs but the boys reposition you so you’re in bed and on your back, crispin kneeling to your side, his cock still throbbing in your mouth, basilio positions himself between your thighs, moaning when he sees how wet you are

basilio removes your panties before rushing to sniff your cunt, groaning in delight--you’re sure his eyes roll to the back of his head before he dives into your cunt

you moan into crispin’s cock and he grunts, shoving more of his cock into your mouth, now moving faster, “i really wanna cum down your throat baby, would you let me?”

you nod and he pushes his cock all the way into your mouth, your nose practically touching his groin and pubes

you gag, for a moment panicked as you try to breathe in, while crispin just eyes you, his cock growing ever harder when he looks at your face wet with tears and drool, he grabs your hair, softly at first, to make sure you’re okay, and when you nod crispin groans as he sets up his pace, groaning as he feels his orgasm building

basilio, meanwhile, is licking and sucking your clit with three fingers knuckles deep in your cunt, and when he starts to feel you spasming, a telltale sign that your orgasm is approaching, he pulls his mouth and fingers out and quickly replacing them with his fat cock

immediately, you and basilio both groan, your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel yourself so full of cock

basilio curses under his breath before taking your legs and resting them against his shoulders “fuck, y/n, im sorry i’m not gonna last long” “your pussy got me so fucking hard you tasted so good baby, you know how much i love your little pussy, right?”

crispin groans at this before he pulls his cock out of your mouth, leaning down to kiss you, he then moves down your neck and your tits, making sure he marks your chest

basilio whimpers and thrusts three more times before releasing a long groan, his cum exploding deep in your pussy “fuck baby you feel so good” he manages to pull out and you see his cock wet with his cum and your juices before settling beside you, panting harshly

you barely had the type to recuperate before crispin flips you on your stomach, making sure your face is resting on the pillows before he thrusts into you with a grunt

“fuck, still a tight little pussy after basilio rammed your cunt, huh?”

your eyes rolling, you couldnt do much other than hold onto the sheets and basilio’s hand, moaning loudly when you feel crispin’s fingers on your clit

“can you take one more, y/n? can your pussy take one more load?”

speechless, you nod, trying to grind your ass against crispin’s hips, but his hands on your hips hold you firm

he grunts approvingly, “good baby, take it deep in your pussy okay? and cum on my cock, baby, i wanna feel it”

you cum on his cock, almost violently, and twins groan at the sound of your moaning, and the sight of you spasming and shaking on crispin’s cock

a couple of deep thrusts later, crispin also cums deep into your pussy, his cum now mixed with basilio’s

crispin moves to get a washcloth to clean the three of you up, before all three of you collapse in bed, huddled together, basilio with his arms wrapped from behind--already falling asleep, you rest your head against crispin’s arm

“so, no more nudes when you’re at work?”

crispin laughs softly before pressing a kiss on your forehead, “unless your cunt is ready to take two cocks at once, no nudes when we’re at work”

#trese #trese the kambal #trese imagine #crispin #crispin x reader #basilio #basilio x reader #bftvtrese

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malaika-salaam · 2 years

Text

MY BRAIN SEEMS GOOD, BUT THERE ARE THOSE MOMENTS...

(2 min 38 sec read)

Today (1.6.2022), I had a brain MRI without contrast, the last of my scheduled assessments for the seizure I experienced 5 months ago.

This is the first time I've written about it outside of my journal. The first time I've really even said anything about it outside of my immediate family. (I know that some family will be seeing/reading/hearing about this here for the first time, I thank you for your grace).

Why am I just now writing this/saying something? Because I have been working through it. I have been breathing, stretching, yogaing, meditating, walking, running, chilling, hammocking, mostly not driving, curating a She-Man Woman Cave, and trying to articulate what I mean by the charge.

For the last 5 months, I have deliberately recalled what happened in more detail. Tracking the events leading up to the incident, figuring out what I could have done differently, and what I can do now. I have also had to face the fear in my family's eyes when I delay, stutter, or say something that makes perfect sense to me. Something, I think, is delivered clearly, but is received unclearly, nonsensically, or as gibberish.

Why now? Because no doctor has been able to figure out the how or why. And I have a narrative all my own.

The short version of the story goes... After moving back to California, being here almost a month, and during training to add Registered Behavior Technician to my scroll that is my resume, my brain short-circuited. I've been CT scanned (no pun intended, IYKYK). I've had a sleep-deprived EEG. I take a prescription twice a day to reduce the likelihood of it happening again.

A little more of the story that I've shared privately until now: Saying my brain short-circuited is what makes the most sense to me. I ran around doing the most (as was my pattern) the day it happened. All of a sudden, the energy in my body and brain surged, my body tightened, and my brain shut down. That incident felt like it rewired my brain.

Now I sometimes feel things more deeply, emotionally and physically. Other times I feel like I'm moving in slow motion or the world is moving in timelapse. My intellectual mind feels youthful, vibrant, and intelligent (like I'm as bright as when an IQ test said I was a genius).

On the other side, my family is still fearful when I space out. While I am hyper-aware of what spacing out means, I can never seem to bring a strong definition back with me. I cannot laugh too hard without feeling the charge amping and a surge coming on. The family sees it; I see their fear surge.

The charge, I've decided, is the current(s) of energy running through me at any time that carries information, feelings, sensory awareness, and emotions. When it becomes too much, it overloads my brain, and that causes a short circuit. Understanding it this way has helped me embrace what I like to call The Year of the Slowdown.

Now, I do not get up and do the most (most of the time). Instead, I get up and do my ritual of daily nourishing practices and hella Integrative Wellness stuff that I've researched and even customized for myself. It also means that though I love laughing until the tears come streaming down my face, my favorite, I have to stop, breathe, and slow down.

Yes, it sucks a little. However, the alternative is worse. Additionally, as I previously stated, I feel like my brain has expanded, and I like that. So, I continue to move slowly and steadily... That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

You don't have to wait until your brain, body, mind, or heart overloads to choose to move more slowly and intentionally.

"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you."

― Anne Lamott

Wanna talk? Have questions? Wanna know where you can get some tools for your box, kit, bag, or whatever you call it… Hit me up at [email protected].

#heymalaika #malaikasalaam #integrative wellness #mindfulness #mindbodysoul #selfcareevangelist #hopedealer #wellness #purplehairandconverse #inner peace #healing #slowdown #hopeisdope

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mimisempai · 3 years

Text

Wait for me on the other side 6/8

Summary:

Mobius must face both his past and a brutal news. He opens his heart to Loki. Loki wonders about what connects them...

Notes:

Prepare some tissues...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82394134

House on the cliff - 2019

Mobius returned home, patiently awaited by Croki. While he was feeding him, he noticed that he had a message on his answering machine.

"Mobius, pick up, I have something to tell you. It's about Ravonna."

Forty-five minutes after Casey's call, Mobius rushed into the hospital.

He headed to the admissions office and spoke to the first person who came in.

"Hello, I'm looking for Ravonna Renslayer. I'm Mr. Mobius."

"Hold on a moment."

The young woman consulted her computer and looked up.

"Yes. Mr. Mobius. You are expected in Doctor Cho's general medicine department."

She pointed in the right direction.

When he arrived at the ward, he asked for Dr. Cho.

He waited a few minutes and a woman approached him, holding out her hand.

"Hello Mr. Mobius, I am Dr. Cho, I am the one who takes care of Mrs. Renslayer. Since you were the person to notify in case of an emergency, we called you."

"What happened? Is she okay?"

Dr. Cho motioned for him to follow her, "She's fine. She had a relatively minor collapse, but we'll have to keep her for a day or two, wait for the results of the tests we did. Since you are her only family according to her file, even for something minor we had to call you. I'll take you to her room."

Casey was waiting outside Ravonna's room when Mobius arrived with Dr. Cho. They embraced.

"How is she?" Mobius asked.

"You know her..." replied Casey, shaking his head. "I had to bring her some work, the latest reports from the financial department."

Mobius looked disbelieving and laughed, "Of course. The last thing we would want to do is let a little collapse endanger the company."

Mobius entered the room quietly. Ravonna laid on her bed, connected to monitoring devices, reading her reports and making annotations, papers scattered around her on her bed. She didn't hear him right away, and when she raised her head, she lowered the report but didn't put it down.

"Hi.", Mobius whispered.

Ravonna did not smile, simply nodded and continued to work on her files as if Mobius were not there.

After a while, she said, "I don't need you."'

Mobius simply replied, "I'm going to stay until your exam results come in."

"That's not until tomorrow morning."

"I'm not going to drive all the way home that late. I'm staying."

Ravonna shrugged and returned to her reading. The silence was deafening.

After a moment, Mobius picked up one of the magazines about expensive watches that was on the table and asked, "Do you mind if I..."

Ravonna shook her head, "Go ahead. If you're still interested in that kind of thing."

Mobius didn't look up and began flipping through the magazine.

When he looked up about ten minutes later, Ravonna was asleep. Mobius watched her breathe in the dimly lit room, the monitoring devices flashing silently. He picked up the papers scattered on the bed and stacked them neatly on the nightstand.

Then he sat down, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in the hospital room chair. Since this was impossible, he picked up a piece of paper and began to write to Loki.

I know I haven't written in a while.

But I need to... I wanted to tell you about someone who is very close to me. We are not related by blood, but I consider her to be family to me, like a big sister.

We grew up together in the orphanage.

She is well-known. You know her work... Ravonna Renslayer, the CEO of Time Keepers, the famous watch brand.

I always liked to put watches together and take them apart and Ravonna was good at putting things in the right light.

We decided to create Timekeepers when we were fourteen years old. We wanted to sell quality luxury watches that everyone could afford.

A dream of two orphans.

We promised ourselves that when we would be rich we would buy the house on the hill.

But Ravonna lost sight of our dreams and always wanted more. More money, more fame.

Mass production, overpriced watches, I had no pleasure in creating anymore.

Every meeting became a war zone.

Someone had to surrender. I did. I quit. Without notice.

That's when I started Miss Minutes, my little store and got back to my roots.

Mobius must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes, he was aching from his position in the chair.

Seeing that Ravonna was still asleep, he went to the hospital cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, and when he came back up fifteen minutes later, he saw Dr. Cho.

"Ah, Mr. Mobius, we just reviewed her results with Mrs. Renslayer. Unfortunately, she has forbidden me to talk to you about them and does not want you to visit her anymore."

Mobius was hurt of course, but not surprised either, given their tense relationship.

Dr. Cho, however, took pity on him. "I can't go into detail, but regrettably, you'll have to prepare for the worst."

Mobius' heart leapt in his chest and with a tight throat, he asked, "How long?"

Dr; Cho put her hand on his shoulder and said, " At any moment. I'm sorry."

Mobius left the hospital in a daze and drove to the house on the cliff. As soon as he arrived, he fed Croki, sat down in his chair and continued the letter to Loki. At this time, it was his only source of comfort.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, in casual attire with Croki by his side, was sitting on his couch reading the letter from Mobius. He was very moved by the way Mobius opened up to him.

His heart cried at the sadness he felt in the letter. Obviously Ravonna was someone dear to his heart.

Once again, Loki was frustrated by the barrier of years between them. He wanted so much to be with Mobius, to support him. He sighed as he continued to read the letter.

I don't know what I expected.

Part of me thought that given her condition, I would get more than a "She doesn't want to see you anymore."

But of course, that's not how things work. When I left TK, I rejected everything she stood for.

That's how she saw it.

I think the fact that I bought the house cemented our disagreement for her and it's too late to change things now.

One thing is for sure: if I was really hoping for a tearful little bedside meeting, I'm as stupid as she thinks I am.

Well, good. I seem to have poured my little heart out here. I'm sorry.

Thanks for reading.

I want to tell you things I've never told anyone.

Things I didn't know myself until I wrote them down to send to you.

Maybe that's the strangest part of it all.

Love, Mobius.

Loki lingered on this letter, and especially on the last word, "LOVE". He patted Croki's head, thoughtful.

He had so many questions.

Love, Mobius.

Was it casual? Mobius was the kind of person who knew exactly what he was saying. Every word was important.

So the next question was, did Loki feel the same way?

Loki didn't need to reflect, he knew what he felt.

The question that remained was, did they have a future...?

Mobius' house - 2019

Croki trotted over to Mobius' bed. Mobius was lying down, unable to sleep, but it was too early to get up. He felt like picking up the phone but resisted.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki couldn't sleep anymore, something was disturbing him since he had read Mobius' letter.

He got up and went to his computer, he had to check one thing about Ravonna Renslayer.

Two minutes later he rushed out of his apartment and drove to the house on the cliff.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius après s’être préparé pour aller au travail, sortit de sa maison et se dirigea vers son pickup.

Mobius House - 2021

Loki braked hard and ran to the mailbox. He put a piece of paper in it and raised the flag with a sudden movement.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius drove away from the house without seeing the flag that was rising behind him. A few minutes later, his phone on the passenger seat began to ring.

Glancing down, he saw that it was Dr. Cho.

He pulled over to the side of the road and with a lump in his throat, took the call.

"Yes?"

-Mr. Mobius, this is Dr. Cho. I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you.

A few minutes later, in a daze, he parked in front of his house. On his way to his house. He saw that the flag was up.

He opened it, took the note, read it and then let his arm fall back, the paper flew away before landing further.

You need to go back to the hospital right away! Ravonna Renslayer died on-

A few days later, Mobius sat in the back of the church while the pastor preached to a crowd that Mobius knew was there more for Ravonna's fame than for their connection to her.

He didn't listen to the sermon and, clutching Loki's last letter in his pocket, he thought about what he had written.

Mobius, I'm so sorry about Ravonna.

Even though every pain is different, I know what it's like to lose the little family we have left.

I knew I had to at least try to warn you. I thought I could do it in time.

I hoped we could change what happened. I was wrong.

I guess these things can't be changed.

What I do know is that the shock is still fresh for me, even though it happened two years ago, so I can't imagine what it's like for you.

These things just happen...sometimes. I know.

Last February, I remember it was Valentine's Day, but it was really hot for a day in February.

I was at the fountain in Valhalheim Square.

And something happened. I won't bore you with the details now, but it was hard. Not like what you're going through, but it bothered me a lot.

And a friend gave me some good advice.

She told me to go to a place that would bring me peace.

That's what I did. I drove to the house on the cliff.

And that was the day I got your first letter.

It's a place we both love, a place that has a huge meaning for both of us, I hope you can find some solace there.

And I hope that what has kept you and Ravonna apart will eventually seem less important, and perhaps, in time, disappear.

YOURS, Loki.

Loki's words echoing in his head, Mobius was anxious to get to the house, to seek and perhaps find the solace that Loki spoke of.

When he arrived, he saw the flag raised. He opened the box, and took out not a note, but a book.

When he turned it over, his heart stopped for a moment.

For all times - Always by R.RENSLAYER

He returned home and sitting down in his chair, he opened it and saw first a small note from Loki's hand.

The book won't be published for a year.

or two, so don't show it to anyone. But I thought you should see it.

He turned the first page and could not stop the tears from flowing.

To Mobius

This is the story of a dream.

The story of a brother and sister bound by an ideal

But like all true stories, it doesn't always end well.

They chose a different path.

They drifted apart and never found each other again.

But without the presence of one in the life of the other, neither of them would have become what they are.

A story of two lives, a story of two successes, a story of two paths.

Underneath was a photo, Ravonna and him in front of the house on the cliff.

He continued to flip through the book, his eyes blurry with tears, and felt as if he was going through pieces of his life.

Pictures of TK's creation, of Mobius' workshop, of their first offices.

The day of the first opening.

Then the various collections of watches over the years, from the first one designed by Mobius to the latest luxury watches. Created after his departure.

Pictures of the rise of TK.

Photos taken after Mobius' time.

Until the last photo.

It was the front of Miss Minutes, of his shop.

A single sentence underneath.

We have taken different paths, our views have drifted apart, but you will always be my brother. For All time. Always.

Mobius wept for a long time over Ravonna, over the lost years, over what could have been. Then when the tears had dried, he closed the book and placed it neatly on the shelf. His hand lingered on the title for a moment.

Then, looking determined, he took his old sketchbook, sat outside the house and began to draw.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, looking bewildered, was contemplating a sketch of the house on the hill.

At the bottom of the house, written in charcoal, it read:

I WANT TO MEET YOU!

FOR REAL THIS TIME!

_______

As a reader, I hate cliffhangers... I apologize in advance for being so cruel, I hope you will forgive me 😭

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

#lokius fics #lokius #Developing Relationship #no powers au #Alternate Universe #Letters #penpal #loki series au #loki #mobius m. mobius

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morimakesfanart · 3 years

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Sindria's Prophet #08

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [AO3]

** TW/suicide of family member implied (it is marked ahead with ((text)) so you know what to skip) ~POV shift Mori~ In my old life I had spent 4 or so years as a historical reenactor for the mid 1700's through early 1800's on my weekends. My group mainly acted as pirates/privateers and sang sea shanties. We had done performances on different ships, but every time we were invited onto a period ship I couldn't make it, so I was geeking out when I saw the ship we'd be taking to Sindria. I prayed it didn't show on my face. Sure it was exciting for an other world's nerd like me to get to see a ship like this in use, but to everyone else it was a normal ship. The ship had two masts -both square rigged with a fore and aft sail at the back for better steering. Considering the reputation for the waters around Sindria I expected a bigger three mast ship for strength, but who was I to judge?

With only two masts, this ship probably only needed a crew of about nine people to allow for different shifts. It didn't look like it had room for many passengers. No doubt, Sinbad didn't expect to be bringing four extra people back with him. I was in full on research mode by the time I got on the ship, and I tired my best to not stand out or get in the way. Getting to look up at the rigging from on the deck was an experience. After everyone was settled I'd definitely make a point to look around more. I might even take one of the scrolls out and try drawing the deck of the ship since I never got around to drawing that gorgeous room in the hotel. I considered myself lucky that no one tried to talk to me until the rooms were being divided out -I had been hyperfixating so I might not have even noticed if they did.

Studying the ship could only boost me for so long. About 15 minutes before we left the port I could no longer ignore that my head was throbbing from exhaustion. This headache was undeniably becoming a migraine if it wasn't one already. I decided that sleep was the next thing on my agenda. Luckily, I made that decision around the same time the rooms were being divided out. I had figured I'd end up in the same room as Alibaba, Aladdin and Morgiana, but Alibaba was put in the same room as Ja'far and Masrur. Everyone put their bags down, and headed back on deck except me. I sat on my bed with my head in my hands as I started to let myself fully calm down. In the quiet it hit me just how much I had been using working on the scrolls as a way to avoid thinking about my guilt and lost home. I'd have to find time when no one else was in the room to work through these feelings. There was no way I could keep it bottled up until we reached Sindria. "Excuse me, Miss Mori?" Aladdin had re-entered the room and closed the door. We might not have been formally introduced but he was told who I was. "What is it?" I lifted my head to look at him, and tried to keep my expression positive. I felt the waves rising. A Magi was talking to a Prophet in private; something was bound to happen. The walls of the ship creaked, and I heard steps and the floor boards creak in the hallway. The wave got a little bigger. Silence hung in the air as the boy just stood there. Instead of trying to guess what he wanted I waited. His hands tightened around his staff. Aladdin looked nervous as he confronted me. "I know you say you've read Fate, but I don't think Fate is something written in stone. It's something that everyone makes together. It can always change." The hallway floor creaked behind the Magi again. The wave was getting bigger. Someone was definitely listening in, and there was only one King that was a chronic eavesdropper.

"I agree," I said bluntly. I wanted Sinbad to hear my answer. Ten years ago, he came to the conclusion that Fate was something already written as a way to cope with his guilt and trauma, and he thought he was 'the chosen one' for being able to read ahead through the waves, but he was wrong on both accounts. "You do?” Aladdin was surprised. It must sound weird coming from someone who read Fate. "I've read more than one Fate for this world, so I know there is no one true path." The manga, anime and OVAs were a little different after all. "And if Fate couldn't be changed then I couldn't be here." I turned so I was sitting facing him. "You see, I wasn't in any of the Fate I read. I wasn't even in this world until five days ago." The magi took a few steps towards me with wide eyes. Aladdin had felt very alone for not being from this world -now he would know he wasn't the only one. It wasn't a reveal that caused problems on its own when Aladdin explained in the original so I didn't see an issue in letting Sinbad overhear about me either- I had already implied as much the previous day. I felt the need to elaborated. "Everything I do changes the Fate I read because I wasn't here. For example, only one of the Fates I read showed the conversation where you all found out about the Kou Fleet. Remember how I yelled at Alibaba? If I didn't convince him to leave then King Sinbad would have knocked him out, and Alibaba would be kept asleep with medicine for this whole trip. Since I was there this time, I was able to change that." "Oh!" He brightened up a bit. "I much prefer things this way." "I agree. Like this it will be much easier for him to heal." I looked down at my intertwined hands. "I have no idea how this will change the Fate I read though." Aladdin hummed a question mark, but he didn't say or ask anything directly. I answered the obvious question to my words, "I can't read a Fate that I'm a part of, so now that I'm here I can't read how my actions are changing Fate. Eventually, the Fate I did read will become useless, and I have no idea if I'm changing it for the better." It was only as I said it that I remembered that Sinbad was listening. I had basically just told him that my usefulness as his Prophet would have a definite expiration date. All I had wanted was to let Aladdin know that he might not be able to rely on me for everything. I definitely wasn't thinking clearly. Aladdin cut into my thoughts. "Is that why the Rukh are so active around you? Because you weren't originally a part of the Flow of Fate?" "Probably." I didn't know what else to say. I knew I had to be making distinctive waves in the Rukh just by being here, let alone with all of my changes. "Miss Mori, where are you from?" I hummed in amusement at that. "I'm from much farther away than you or your parents-if you can believe it." I was from the same world as the person who wrote the original Fate of this world. There was no way I could tell anyone that. He was shocked again. It was written all over his face that he was questioning if I was really from a dimension farther away than Alma Torran. Aladdin gripped the flute that he always wore. "Then... Are you the person he didn't recognize?" "He?" Which 'he' -oh. I lowered my voice. "Ugo?" I put one finger over my lips and looked at the door. Sinbad has to remain ignorant about the Sacred Palace; he's too self-absorbed. Aladdin looked confused at my change in volume. He followed my gaze to the door and back then nodded. He didn't look all that surprised that I knew about Ugo. I kept my voice low. "Aladdin, let's talk more about this some other time. The walls have ears on such a small ship. And I'm exhausted." "Okay. Rest well, Miss Mori." Aladdin spoke at normal volume. I heard a scramble in the hallway, the magi left, and I put my glasses in the top of my bag for safe keeping. I could hear Aladdin through the wall. "Oh! Mr. Sinbad, Mr. Ja'far, did you want to check on Miss Mori too?” "Uh, yes. How is she doing?” Was King Sinbad's response. I could hear the nerves he was trying to

cover up. "Real smooth there, Sin." I mumbled as I finally drifted into unconsciousness. --- I was a young man of 20 some years. I had started a family. We didn't have enough money for food. I ended up taking a risky job because I knew it would pay better. ... No. I'm a six year old girl? I don't remember if I had parents, but I remember going to visit this old dog every day. ... If life was hard, and I had nothing to loose then there was no reason not to bet everything I had on one last round. How could I return to my family without money? The last time I saw my son he was three. Would he even remember me? ... Ya know, when you grow up with someone and everyone else can see your chemistry you'd think it would be obvious that we'd marry when we grew up, but she met someone else. ... I knew things were bad, but I never even considered that my neighbor was stealing from me when I was at work. Bastard stabbed me with my own kitchen knife when I caught him. --- I wasn't myself in my dreams. Every time I woke I had to ground myself and remember where and when I was. Rereading the scrolls I had made helped. Just how many Rukh had merged with me, and why? I had no connections to any of those spirits while they were alive. Was it just because ghosts like me? I wrote down every dream I had; their lives might have been over, but they were a part of me now. I was too exhausted to go on deck, and I could feel that there were still more lives inside of me that I had to get aquatinted with. When I wasn't sleeping, I was working on scrolls again since I at least had enough energy to write and draw. My breathing was getting difficult, and I was struggling with temperature regulation. I wasn't okay enough to tell if it was my body struggling with the changes in my magoi, like when Sinbad took in all the Rukh after the Fall of First Sindria, or if I was just sick. After making sure I could still use magoi manipulation I decided that it was probably the later. I mainly left that room for food, and I waited until almost everyone was done before going. I avoided talking to others too. If I was sick I needed to minimize my contact with others. Alibaba seemed to be in a similar state to me. We both found that staying near each other when around the others made them less likely to approach us with the depressing cloud that hung over us.

Those that did see me could obviously tell I was unwell. From their words it seemed like they were assuming I was just mourning -they were only half wrong. It gave me an easy excuse to leave, so I never corrected them. I did feel bad for worrying everyone. The whole situation sucked. I wanted to cry. I had been in lock down back home because of Covid-19 for 8 months as an at risk person (it's still Oct 2020 in this story). I was literally in a fantasy anime world now. I wasn't given a better immune system, but my boobs didn't need a bra anymore??? WTF?? If the current arbiter of Fate was me writing fanfiction, then they had a lot of explaining to do. ... Who was I kidding? I knew why I would write something like this. I wanted to see more stories about people like me -someone with my disabilities and life experiences- get to be someone "valued" even if they couldn't be on the front lines. My migraine wouldn't go away, and it wasn't the only part of me in pain. I think I got palpitations a few times -breathing was even worse during those episodes. If I hadn't had health problems growing up I probably would have been panicking. I knew it was stupid to not tell anyone what was going on with me. But would anyone even be able help me on a ship? Telling them would just make them worry more than they already were. Aladdin and Morgiana could tell something more was wrong with me; I couldn't fully hide from them while sleeping in the same room. They must have let the others know since they gave me some pain killers at some point. It tasted awful. I'm honestly not sure how affective it was, but it did knock me out. ((Skip to the next paragraph to avoid the trigger)) At least I was left alone most of the time. I had no choice but to sit with my thoughts about Balbadd. I grew up mourning. The blood on my hands might not be the same as losing most of my loved ones back home, but it was damn similar to when I was in high school thinking "if only one of us had answered the phone that day." The Balbadd revolt would have been much worse if I wasn't there. And even if I had said something sooner there was little that could be done to actually stop Al Thamen when they had their hands so deep in that country. Even with Sinbad there to sway Fate, Al Thamen would still find a way to spill blood. Even if I told Alibaba days in advance and he tried to talk to Cassim about it, Cassim wanted nothing to do with Sinbad, so any help that came from him would be refused. Cassim was twisted around Issnan's fingers and out for blood. I did the best I could. My actions did save some people. I'd have to take solace in that. --- I woke up to something wrapped around me, almost like I was tied down. I couldn't move my legs. I gave up trying to untangle my skirt and covers from me, and just pulled the skirt out from under the cloth belt -kicking the whole mass off like a cocoon. I had put my underwear on underneath and I still had the tunic on so I wasn't left totally uncovered. Star light shown in from the window. I had slept through another day. I couldn't remember my dream. Maybe I had finally returned to having my own dreams. The other beds in the room were occupied. My head was still swimming. I felt trapped. I needed something. I heard the waves outside, and felt the waves of Fate washing over me. Their sounds called to me. Back home I had used the sounds of waves to meditate and stim regularly. I had been hearing them all this time, but I wanted to see them. I didn't bother to slip on my flip-flops as I made my way to the door, didn't even think about grabbing my glasses until I was already on deck. It had been so dark below that I couldn't see anyway, and didn't realize I wasn't wearing them. The wave of Fate I had been following lead me farther into the space. When I hit it's end, the adrenaline that had got me that far died out. The night air hit my legs and I shivered. It was colder than it was at night in Balbadd. I thought we were heading south. Did I still have a fever? The cold reminded me that I really should have put on

my shorts or something before coming out here. The tunic just barely covered me. My vision was going grey scale. This was bad. Really bad. I recognized this feeling. I was about to pass out from not being able to breathe right. I used to have fainting spells as a kid because of my weak raspatory system and needed to carry smelling salts for a few years. The last time it happened was about five years ago -I had been really sick. My head was throbbing; my heart was pounding. Guess I was sicker than I thought. I needed to focus on breathing and getting to the ground. I stumbled to the bowsprit (the pole that sticks out the front of the ship) as support. I needed to get to the ground safely before I collapsed. I'd gotten a concussion once because I didn't get down before the black out hit. A wave crashed into me from behind. If I hadn't been putting all my weight on that wooden shaft I would have been pushed over even though it wasn't a physical wave. What in the world was behind me that would cause such a wave? I removed one arm to look back as my knees started to give out. There was definitely someone there. Their color balance didn't match anything I could remember, but they were really familiar. Without my glasses I couldn't really tell anything -especially since everything was becoming different shades of black. And I already had bad night vision. The light was fading. Shapes were getting harder to discern. Even though I was breathing deeper I hadn't managed to counter the fainting spell. I was going down. I definitely fell, but it didn't feel like I fell for long enough to hit the ground. The feeling across my back was really familiar. Someone had caught me.

Sometimes I was able to stay conscious when I fainted. It was kinda like ending up in sleep paralysis but with a -20 to all sensory inputs. Seemed like this was one of those times. I couldn't hear what they were saying or see them. It was like my head was deep under water. There was a pressure on my forehead. Were they checking my temperature? When someone faints you're supposed to lay them on the ground and position them so they can breath easier. This person didn't take first aid classes or forgot or something because I was being lifted upwards instead of laid down. It was really warm and comfy though. I liked this feeling. What was it? Safe? Was that it? I hadn't felt actually safe in a long time. I certainly didn't feel safe in that house back home even after everything was over. Maybe it was the feeling of warmth and safety. Maybe it was the way the waves were moving. Maybe it was the numbness that comes with blacking out. But whatever it was had stopped the pain. With the pain gone I calmed the rest of the way. I felt my spine straighten out onto a soft surface. The warmth faded even though something was now covering my legs. I was in a bed. The cold was back without a source of warmth to leech from. I definitely had a fever if I was this cold. Damnit. I grew up with all sorts of chronic health conditions and have always gotten sick easily. Even though I was now in an anime world, I was still me. Was I going to die in this world from some common illness that was already cured back home? We might not have had a lot of money back home but I was lucky enough to get a job with usable health insurance that let me work from home during a pandemic. I could at least get medicine every time I got a normal illness. I was finally able to afford to get and keep an inhaler. Not that any of that was of use to me now. My motor functions were returning. I rolled to the side and curled into the fetal position. I had lost everything. No home. No friends or family. Who would want to look after a stranger with nothing to give back? I was doing what I could to seem worthy of the main cast, but how long would that last? The story would reach its end in five years. What would I do after that? What was the point of all of the savings I had managed to make back home if I was going to be Isekaied? I had been the main bread winner and now my family couldn't even use my savings because I hadn't left a body behind as proof that I had died. All of the thoughts and feelings I was still running from were flooding through me. I couldn't even distract myself with writing scrolls or anything. This was probably for the best. Pushing things away for much longer would be unhealthy. And if I couldn't let myself feel miserable when I was sick and alone, then when could I? I let the tears fall. I hadn't been a loud crier since I was a kid, so I was caught off guard when I could hear my own sobs. I didn't have it in me to hide any more. The bed I was on creaked but I hadn't moved. There was a new weight on the mattress.

I wasn't alone.

The concept that someone was checking on me hurt harder. I didn't grow up in a healthy environment, so now feel immense guilt when someone shows me genuine kindness. But I am also aware and recovered enough to know I deserve kindness, so the guilt always paired with an equal amount or more of relief. I felt a hand stroke my hair. They wanted to comfort me. And I wanted comfort. The waves washing over me encouraged me seek out more. I used what little strength I had to pull myself against them. Having undeniable proof that I wasn't alone and that someone cares was overwhelming. The relief made me cry harder. I'd have to thank them later. But for the time being I'd pour out as much emotion as they'd let me.

#sindria's prophet #magi prophet fanfic #king sinbad #magi sinbad #sinbad magi #sinbad x oc #sinbadxoc

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a-mended-pact · 3 years

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Chapter : Seven

This chapter is Reader and Spencer finally discussing what's going on. It's a little angst but a semi happy ending.

Taglist is open. 🥰

Part 6

This one is definitely one of my favorite chapters I've written so far.

Word count: 3,121

I am currently experiencing heavy writers block so I would love to know your thoughts or theories!

If you have questions for the series please message or send an ask.

Requests are open

I ended up walking out of the room and I could feel myself shaking. I was infuriated. I had been so upset with everything that happened between Spencer and Cat that I couldn’t see straight. Maybe I was being overly emotional but to be fair I still haven’t slept yet. Spencer had followed me out but neither of us made it far before I saw Ethan sitting in the break room talking to Jj. I glanced at Spencer then back at him. ‘He deserves to be in a cell, not in our break room. You and I both know that.’ He sighed and nodded knowing damn well now was not the time to fully argue with me. My hands were sore. I needed a release from the stress of the past couple of days. I would much rather the endorphins get released by Spencer and I tangled within the sheets.

It had been sometime since Spencer and I had been intimate due to work and me just not being in the mood because of the recent changes in my medication. We hadn’t openly discussed what had been going on with us to anyone on the team. At least I didn't. I wanted to keep things to myself. I had always suffered with dark thoughts and bad coping mechanisms. It wasn’t until Spencer pointed it out when we started living together. That it wasn't pointed out to me. He had spoken to me about it as gently as possible because he understood it was a sensitive topic that could either make me sob or be deeply upset with him and push him away.

It luckily ended in me trusting his judgement and he set me up with a psychologist. Within a month of therapy they decided I needed meds for my issues. Mood stabilizers, Antidepressants and anxiety medication. It took a lot of trial and error for us to find the right ones that worked for me. I was lucky enough to have a person in my life to love me through the changes I had to experience during that time. I unfortunately suffered from a hazy mind. If I get too focused on something I tend to forget to take all of the above. Spencer always kept a track of when I took them. He’d message me when I needed to when we weren’t together no matter what.

Of course he couldn’t when he was kidnapped. So here I was having a hard time processing everything I needed to. ‘You need to go home and sleep, eat and take your medication my love.’ As he spoke he cupped my face and rubbed his thumb over my cheek. I couldn’t help but notice the way Ethan looked at me with envy from the other room when I wasn’t staring into Spencer’s golden irises. A part of me felt like Spencer was just trying to get rid of me but I also knew he needed to come home and rest too. I can’t imagine he actually got any while he was kidnapped even if he was presumably only with Ethan.

I grabbed his hand and held it to my face as I leaned into it. I didn’t care that I had to stretch out my freshly made wounds. If anything the pain was a nice distraction from the whirlwind my mind had become from the ticking of the hours that had gone by. ‘Please come home with me. Ethan will be taken care of and it’s not like the Kitten can get out of her cell. Please.’ His eyes softened as he heard me speak and he went to shake his head no until Emily spoke up from behind us.

‘Both of you are going home. Neither of you have a choice in the matter. Everyone here has gotten rest but you two. The rest of the team and I can handle this by ourselves for a little while. Go home you two.’ She spoke loud enough to cause a scene and I couldn’t help but wince as everyone stared. ‘She’s right you haven’t eaten a proper meal Y/L/N in days’ Rossi commented from the peanut gallery. I pulled Spencer’s hand away from my face and squeezed it tightly. I hated being called out by anyone that wasn’t him. He has learned how to do it without making me feel guilty over the past couple of years. Right now all I felt was guilt. Guilty over the fact that on top of worrying about Spencer they were worried about me as well. I was such a screw up I swear. ‘ I agree I think I saw you resting your eyes maybe 10 minutes before you headed to the vending machine for an energy drink because the coffee wasn’t working for you anymore.’ Luke commented as he brought me my cardigan that I had draped over my chair at my desk. I sighed as I looked at him.

‘Guys we are going. I promise.’ Spencer spoke as he began to pull my hand lightly to lead me away from everyone. ‘Don’t forget to put him in a holding cell.’ I said as I pointed at Ethan as his eyes never seemed to leave Spencer and I. I locked on to his gaze and followed his line of sight. Correction: it wasn’t on both of us. It was only on Spencer.

I squeezed his hand harder than I probably should have. I didn't care. Ethan was truly creeping me out at that moment. Why was he staring at my husband like a child that had their favorite comfort item taken from them as a punishment. Perhaps in a way that's what I was doing. I knew the moment he and I left they would treat him like an unsub as they should. He'd get no special treatment because Spencer wouldn't be around. I was giddy at the thought and let out a small laugh as I walked out of the building with him in tow.

-----------------

I felt a weight leave my chest when Y/n asked me to shower with her. I logically knew it was probably because she couldn't bring herself to actually wash her hair or even herself. I was just thrilled over the fact that once our front door was locked into place she didn't turn around and snap at me about what happened between Cat and I. I knew what I let happen bothered her greatly. We've spoken about it before many times. I knew this time though I had almost opened Pandora's box. Perhaps I had only placed the key into it instead.

Still pulling her into my arms as the hot water washed over us was enough to make me sob into her freshly washed hair. I never wanted her to doubt my love for her. Yet here I was showing attraction to two different people and that wasn't fair to her. Sure it hadn't been spoken about nor did she know about the relationship Ethan and I shared when we were much younger. She had a right to know. I knew that. I also knew now wasn't the time to mention it.

I felt her put her full weight into me as the water droplets rolled down her soft skin. She seemed so fragile. We seemed so fragile. Maybe I was overthinking. Maybe I was making up scenarios that would never come. Her hand inched up tracing the wound on my chest underneath it's bandage. I tried not to wince but no matter how gently she caressed it with her fingertips it still stung like it did when it was given to me mere days ago.

'I can't believe he did this to you.' Her voice was barely a whisper as if she too were afraid it would shatter the solace we found behind a mere shower curtain. I caught her hand in mine and placed it over my heart. I leaned in and kissed her as gently as I could muster. She returned it in kind but I could tell she had more to say. So of course I let her.

'He hurt you Spence and all you've done is protect him. I want to understand but I can't seem to wrap my head around why you'd protect a man that did such awful things to you.' As she spoke I remembered why I let him get away with it. It was simple. I couldn't remember who had actually hurt me. If it were him or Lindsey. I never coherently saw her. I only saw him and I felt like that was deliberately done.

'Sweetheart, do you trust me and my judgment on the matter?' As I spoke I pulled away from her to turn the water off and grab a towel wrapping her up in one first before I grabbed my own to dry myself off too. I watched in awe as she dried off and her breast jiggled as she did so. I had to turn my gaze away. Now was certainly not the time to be trying to bed my wife. I would be lying though if I said I didn't want to distract myself from everything that had happened these past few days.

Her and I both needed rest. She needed to eat first to take her medicine. That was top priority not my raging lust for her. 'I do. I just. I don't know there's things I don't know that I need to know before I make my final judgement on the situation. All I know is that my husband has been sexually touched, kidnapped and tortured in a matter of days and there was nothing I could do to change the outcome besides not walking out of the bureau when Cat touched you through your slacks!'

I could hear the frustration in her voice as she pulled on her panties and one of my t-shirts from college. I watched her as she quickly left the bathroom to head into the kitchen. I quickly slid on my gray sweats and rushed after her. I didn't like the idea of her being alone when she was angry and not in a great state of mind.

'I'm sorry.' I pulled her into me as she began to make herself toast. I placed a kiss on the junction between her neck and shoulder. 'I should have stopped the whole thing sooner. I just kept trying because I was certain if I did she'd slip up but she never did.'

By now I knew how Y/N's mind worked. 'Spencer you didn't stop her because you didn't want to. Whether you understand your attraction to her or not. You've always wanted to sleep with her. You yourself told me so when we were just friends. Don't start lying to me now about things' She pulled away from me and took the toast and her glass of water to the couch.

I realized then that she had actually made me some toast as well. I turned around to grab my own glass of water and her medicine. I sat beside her and sighed. 'Eat first then take your medicine. If you are feeling up to it I'll tell you before we go to bed tonight. Everything you need to know and probably things you'd rather not hear but as my wife and my best friend you have the right to know everything.'

She nodded as she bit into her food. Tears were silently streaming down her face already. I knew right now that it wasn't because of me. Not fully anyway she was just overwhelmed.

We ate in silence. I handed her; her pills and she took them without complaint. If anything she seemed rather numb to everything around her.

'Maybe telling you should wait.' I said as I pulled her to me. 'Thank you for not fighting with me about taking your medicine.' I kissed her cheek. 'I'm proud of you and how well you've held yourself together while I was gone.' She wasn't codependent on me per say but praise was always something I gave her. Especially after mom started to pick fights with me about her medication. Y/n was a walk in the park for me compared to her. She always felt bad that I needed to take care of her when she wasn't in her right state of mind.

To be honest though I love taking care of her. She was perfectly capable of doing anything and everything on her own but she trusted me enough to shut her brain off for a bit and let me take the reins for a few hours or even days. Right at this moment was one of those times. It's not like I didn't have days and times like her where I shut my mind off as well because I did and she would baby me and look after me like I am her at this very moment.

'I'd rather you tell me right now. I don't have the urge to fight or to do much of anything.' I nodded as I pulled her up with me and led her to the bed laying down with her and holding her from behind.

'First and foremost. I am in love with you with every fiber of my being. I don't ever want you to doubt that but I'll understand after I tell you everything if you do but I need you to always remember I will choose you without hesitation, without question.' She nodded after I was done. My fingers traced up and down her hand as I held her as close as possible.

'I'll always be your best friend first. Then your wife. That was something I told you on our wedding day and I plan to stick by that choice. I only ask that you stay remaining honest with me. I can't stand not knowing what's going on in your mind. As long as we stay honest with one another I know that we can make it through anything.' She pulled my hand up to her lips and kissed it and I couldn't help but sigh in relief. She was more than I deserved and I don't think anyone would ever understand how much I didn't deserve her.

'I'm not sure if it was Ethan that hurt me. I know he was the one to kidnap me but other than that I don't believe it was him. He would never hurt someon-' I stopped myself as I was searching for the right words. I could tell she was waiting with baited breath. 'Ethan would never hurt me like that would most likely be the proper word to say.'

She nodded 'You're holding back love. Just say what needs to be said. I can take it.'

I bit my lip and exhaled. 'Ethan wouldn't hurt me like that because he has been in love with me since college. We um.. he was- i-' I was struggling trying to form words. The past Ethan and I had together was a good one but he was also my first heartbreak.

'He was your first love huh? It's okay Spence we all have a past. Some of us just don't stay close to those from it.' As she spoke she rolled over to face me with a soft smile on her lips. 'Keep going. It's okay.' I know all of her wanted to cup my face but she restrained herself and just made due fiddling with my wedding band on my finger. Which is something she always did when we were having a deep conversation. I knew as long as she was playing with mine and not her own that we were okay.

`We were friends for a long time before him and I became intimate with one another. We always sorta stepped around the subject but one day after class he asked me out on a movie date. One thing led to another and I was in his room and we- we slept together.' She nodded again telling me to continue as her eyes stayed on her moving fingers.

I made a face. It's not the fact that I didn't want to tell her it was just the fact that I didn't know how.

'We dated all of college and then we separated when I joined the academy. I made it and he didn't. We grew apart. One thing led to another and I caught him in a very intimate position with someone. He claimed that the other person involved was the one that started it. He didn't have time to react before I walked out.'

I didn't dare look at her. I knew it was dumb of me to still be so hurt by what happened between him and I but I was. I trusted him deeply even to this day but I just couldn't let go of the way it looked like that wasn't their first kiss. No matter how many times he proved to me that it was.

Her hand moved to cup my face as she kissed away the small tears that I was shedding.

'I'm sorry he broke your heart Spencer. You didn't deserve that.'

'After I left we never fully spoke again. I never gave him the time of day. Not fully. We'd talk as friends and we'd talk for cases such as where Jj met Will but other than that I just shut anything to do with him out.'

I looked at her finally, my vision blurry with unshed tears and she looked at me and smiled softly at me. 'The truth is I was in love with him. After him I fell in love with Maeve. Then I met you and it's like everything started making sense again. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't drawn to you originally because in some aspects you reminded me of him. I think that was one of the reasons I first realized I was attracted to you.'

She pulled me in suddenly and kissed me sweetly on the lips. 'I love you Spencer. You and the things that make you, you now. We need to talk about Catherine but I'm getting very very sleepy and all I want from you right now is for you to let me drown in you and pretend for a small amount of time that these past few days haven't happened.'

I pulled her into me and held her as she buried her face into my hair. 'I love you Mrs Reid more than you will ever be able to comprehend.'

With that we both fell asleep for the first time in 4 days.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x reader #spencer x you #unsteady keys #spencer x y/n #spencer x reader insert

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catcze · 3 years

Note

Oh, Catte, my beloved... The bracelet is so beautiful. Goodness, did I cry when I took it out of the envelope. It's almost as beautiful as you are, I love it so much! I'm never ever taking this off. Oh starlight I'm so happy, you may as well have just proposed! I love you so so much, thank you💜💜💜

I'm glad Cyno is doing well for himself these days! It's not really that complex of a spell, simple transmutation really, but I'm sure he didn't want to overwhelm you. He may not talk a lot but trust me; he cares. I should write him sometime, if only so the next time an emergency arises he won't think I only remember he exists when I need his help, hehe... I'm joking of course, he's not the kind of person to care. I do still owe him a favor though. Two, now that he's gone out of his way to teach my girlfriend magic, and specifically for helping you make me this wonderful present. Send along my thanks please, but please don't mention that I said I'd write him, just in case I somehow forget to. You know me, heh..

Also I'm a little surprised to hear that name again! Collei was quite the visitor when she was here a few years ago, it's a long story, and one I doubt very much she'd want me to tell. Suffice to say she and Amber are good friends, but I'm sure she already asked you about her as soon as you mentioned Mondstadt. I'm so relieved to hear she's safe, and studying medicine no less! Tell her I'm proud of her. She'll do great things in her life.

I must admit I'm slightly bothered to hear that so many scholars accosted my poor babygirl to ask if I'd return, I'm so sorry darling. If they give you any more trouble, oh I'll come visit alright. To dispense punishment(although I'd definitely grab some food on the way as we left). Speaking of food, that's so sweet of you to offer to learn the local cuisine just for me~ you're so thoughtful, it's one of the many many things I love about you. My reputation around the school is honestly the only accomplishment you'll find though sweetheart. I wasn't really all that social there, aside from talking to the professors and scholars. I couldn't afford to procrastinate if I wanted to learn everything I could. Funny, that sounds completely unlike me, now doesn't it~ Those lectures can be tiresome at first, did they provide you with the appropriate reading materials, or are you only listening? I still have my copy of the first semester alchemy textbook--it's only about 800 pages, but they're packed to the brim with knowledge. I still reference it sometimes.

Like I mentioned though, most of my time in Sumeru was spent at the Academy or at the local restaurants. If you wanted food recommendations, those I can provide, but unfortunately I won't be of much use otherwise. Sorry cutie~

[the next page of the letter is a list of local restaurants, many with recommended dishes written next to them. There's also a fair number of heart shapes and "I love you"s doodled around the edges of the paper]

I hope you'll try at least some of those and tell me what you think. The more you talk about it honestly, the more it's beginning to grow on me. I do want to go back and visit with you, my love. I miss it, even if I don't want to admit that. It would be so much fun to sight see with you, being able to just meander aimlessly through the city, not a care in the world, and with you by my side... That sounds amazing. I'd want nothing more. Perhaps for our honeymoon~? [the last sentence of the paragraph is crossed out with a single streak of ink cutting through it]

Your photos are all amazing, darling. I just wish I had as many to send you in return, but unfortunately I don't own a camera, nor can I afford to leave the library long enough to travel to Liyue and buy one. That being said, Albedo does have one, and he already took that first photo. Darling, I'm curious, and please, *please* say no if it would bother you even slightly. If I... Perhaps wanted to take some... Pictures, just for your enjoyment~ ...would you mind if I had Albedo continue to serve as the photographer? I want my baby to be thinking of me, especially since I'm not there to pleasure you myself~💜 again, PLEASE say no if you'd have any problem with that. Or I could ask Jean if that would be better. I just want to treat my princess to some candy~

That line is going to have me up all night, I swear. I do wish I was there for you in every sense, but goodness does my heart ache for you. I miss the way you taste so much, my precious little munchkin~ you're not going to sleep at all the first night you're back in my arms, I hope you know that. I'm going to edge you so hard you'll cry for me, hehe~ I'm a little peeved you didn't take notice of my comment about punishing you! There will be ropes involved when you return to me. Just the way you always like it, cutie~ tell me, how bad do you miss me? Miss my tongue you love so much~? Don't worry baby--you'll get everything you could ever want for when you come home. I can't wait to taste you~ goodness, excuse me a moment baby... I need to scratch an itch before I finish writing this letter, hehe...~

Okay, I'm back. That was quite the itch, it just kept coming back~ that picture you sent with this letter may have helped with that... Celestia, you're so so beautiful, my rose..~ I love you so much.

Where was I... Ah yes. I'm very glad you've been eating and sleeping properly. Such a good girl you always are~💜 and don't worry; I'm taking care of myself as well. I've been becoming more adjusted to the late nights lately, since your letters often arrive around this hour(it's 11:30 right now, although up until a page ago it had been 10:15, hehe...). I don't mind it at all, since you know I love to sleep in anyway. I love reading your letters sweetheart. They truly do carry your love across the distance. I'm so happy that you're my partner. I love you so so much. I reread your letters every day, they put such a smile on my face.

Also, what's this about ideas you're having ever since I mentioned the uniform? Tell me!! Pretty please~? 💜

I'm going to call my letter to a close here, before I end up needing a bigger envelope, hehe~ I love you so much, starlight. Please take care, and I hope you're well rested when you read this. Hopefully I can put a smile on your beautiful face. I just wish I was there to see it. I love you so much, take care and write me back when you can, promise~?

Yours Always,

- Lisa 🌺💜

Milddd nsfw here muaH <33

Hi, love, I’m so happy that you like your gift! I love you very much as well— hopefully it can give you comfort on some particularly hard nights where I cannot be with you, dearest. Sort of like a reminder that although I cannot be there with you in person, you always carry a piece of my heart with you, you know?

I’ll be sure to relay your message to Cyno and Collei! They were rather surprised when they found out I was your girlfriend, haha! In a good way, of course— they’ve been great company so far.

And don’t worry about the other scholars, Lisa dear. I can handle them plenty fine. I’m sure they’ll go running if I even so much as imply that you wouldn’t be pleased with them for their behavior, my love. They wouldn’t want to mess with one of the best sorcerers to ever roam those halls, you know?

Regarding the lectures, they offered to loan me some textbooks actually, but I had to turn them down since, well, I am just an observer, and carrying so many books with me to and fro would weigh me down. Still, although I sometimes get confused while I observe, It’s such a fun and interesting experience! I can’t say I’m remembering every bit of knowledge I hear, but I’ve definitely learned at least a thing or two.

Just yesterday, there was a bit of a lull in lectures that I was attending— something about one of the scholars who had agreed to host me taking their class out to fieldwork, and I was unable to accompany them. So I took the time to check out some of the restaurants you listed for me! I went to just one of them for lunch, since I didn’t want to get too full throughout the day, and I enjoyed it very much!! I included a picture of one of the dishes you noted for me (a best seller of theirs, apparently) and I didn’t regret purchasing it at all. It was so good! In my free time, it’s one of the recipes that I hope to familiarize and bring back home to you— I think you’ll rather like it, especially since there’s no meat. Hopefully I’ll get good enough at making it that you’ll be able to savor the flavor too!

Though, I don’t mind either if you’d rather return with me next time, and we can have a dinner date here? I really like the ambiance of the place— its both romantic and private. And the view from the balcony here is absolutely magical. Or we can maybe visit a couple of the other restaurants you’ve recommended to me? I doubt that I’ll be able to try all of them this time, and being able to experience it with you would make the experience a million times better.

Also, regarding the photos you mentioned— well, I’m fine with it if you are. As long as you’re comfortable with whoever is photographing you love, then it’s perfectly alright with me. Besides, I know that we’re devoted to each other, so there’s no cause for me to be uncomfortable 💞 If you so wish to grant me such photos, I eagerly await them, love! They’re not the same as you being here, of course, but I’m sure they could help me with how much I miss you.

And ah, sending such things only makes me miss you more! Perhaps I should take a good, long rest before I come back to Mondstadt, if you plan to keep me up all night. And who says I didn’t notice your comment? Perhaps I was just teasing you by keeping quiet about it, especially if I know what’s awaiting me back home. And yes, I miss you so so much, I miss your tongue and you lips, your touch on my skin, the way you hold me and make me feel so good each and every time— Love, really, if your intention with that letter was to get me all worked up, then safe to say you’ve succeeded. My, I doubt I’m going to be getting any sleep tonight, thinking of you.

And regarding that bit about the Academy uniform… well, I might have found a local seamstress who was willing to make me a version of it, tailored to my measurements. It’s not ready quite yet, but hopefully I can send you some photographs soon 💞

By the way, love, there’s no need to have to wait up for my letters, not if you’re not getting enough sleep! I don’t mind waiting a bit for your reply as long as I know you’re sleeping on time. I worry about you as much as you worry about me, so for both your sake and mine, promise me you’ll get enough sleep? Either way, though, I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself, dearest. It makes me happy, knowing that you and the others are doing well. I love you very, very much you know? Please continue to stay safe, dearest, and know that I’m always missing you.

And, well, regarding a proper proposal, though I can’t say I haven’t thought of it before (how could I not? I can fully envision spending the rest of my life with you) I would much prefer if I were able to give you the ring and ask you in person, love. That being said, take the bracelet as a promise that I’ll return to you soon— and hopefully with a ring that I think you’ll like and a question that I plan to ask you.

All the best wishes, dearest. I love you very much 💞

—Catte 💞

#Character anon 💌 : Lisa #Kisses from Catte 🦩#Catcze.Lingerie 💦#liSA anon ily <333 please get enough rest babes!!!#muAH 💞💞#ALSO have a nice day!!!! ILYSM <33 #Alsooo regarding your other ask I'm so glad you liked the bit about the bracelet aaAA 💞👉👈

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ackermans-freedom-inc · 3 years

Note

Hello again! I just wanna say real quick, I love your writing so much and I especially love the love letters you make!❤️ You keep doing you and don't stress ya self!

I hope the Valentine's love letters are still open, cause I would like to send one to Jean cause I love that man so much🥺 if you don't mind of course! (I'm not great at writing letters and the ending was quite hard to do but here it is!)

...

Dear, Jean

I wish we could speak together in person since I'm not quite a good writer, but seeing as you're on the front lines in Marley while I wait for you and the rests to return. It seems this is our only best option.

I do not know when or if you'll even come back dead or alive, or if this letter will only be sent to your dead body. But if it does and you aren't... Alive, I would want someone there to read this letter to you.

I vividly remember entering the scouts all confident in myself, yet skittesh on the inside, thinking that I could never make any friends or get close to anyone in fear that I'll lose them. Yet, even knowing the risk, I somehow became best friends with you when you made a snappy comment at Eren, which made me giggle like a crazy person. And because of that, you decided to stick by me from that moment on.

I remember our first mission together all those years ago. How you saved me from the hands of a titan. I glanced up at you with a glint in my eyes, as you practically glowed form the sunlight while we swinged through the buildings with me in your arms. I remember falling to my knees in front of you, thanking you with all my heart while you pulled me close to you, whispering in my ear that I didn't need to thank you. Yet, I did.

At the time, I always thought you had a thing for Mikasa, which I couldn't blame you. She's amazing in everyway while I was just a shy shaken person. Yet whenever you looked over at her, I felt a sting of pain and sadness strike into my heart. I thought that you would leave me cause I wasn't good enough or for how I acted when u saved me form the titan, but I never said anything about it. At that moment, right after you left the dinner hall, was when I realized I was in love with you.

When we went to clean out the stables, I couldn't hold in my feelings anymore and shyly told you that I liked you as more then a friend. The blush on your face at that moment still brings a good chuckle from me once in a while. After we both awkwardly confessed to eachother, we both leaned our heads into a sweet kiss, our first kiss together. Our faces glistened under the moonlight as it shimmered through the open windows.

You've always found a way to make me laugh or even get a smile from me. It seemed like a mission for you every morning to make me blush by telling me a compliment or a cheesy pick-up line. You knew I get flustered so easily from just a simply compliment, but yet you continued to compliment me, and I'm grateful for that. it's made me feel more confident and happy about myself whenever you flirted or complimented me, and whenever I returned the favor, I would always smirk at your blushing.

And I can never forget our first time together in bed before you left for Marley, where you showered me in compliments, and body praises. I've always felt insecure about my body for my rolls, love handles, and thick thighs. Since all the kids when I was young would bully me for not looking like them. But all of my worries went away that night with you. You pampered me like I was the most gorgeous person you've ever seen, which made me want to cry right then and there. You made me felt like a goddess in that moment from just prasieing and pampering me alone, that it still makes me tear up from time to time since no one has ever treated me like that.

And now here we are.

After you left for Marley, I started to think about our futures together, and like I said in the beginning if you would return dead or alive which makes me worried.

I wish this war with the titans and Marley will end soon so we can be together and start the life we've always talked about. Living far, yet close to the city in a nice house, with our children. I know we've talked about having kids and starting a family before. But I'm for certain that, hopefully, when you return alive that we can make that thought come true maybe, if that's alright with you of course.

However, I know that might not come about. But I'll still hope and wish that it will one day, my love.

Form your beloved daisy, Whitney

My love,

Whenever the notice comes for letter pickup, I always volunteer. Hoping. Wishing.

Sorting through Eren’s horribly handwritten letters day after day. I almost didn’t believe my eyes when I saw my name, written like it always is, just like it is back home. I miss you terribly, my love. This mission can’t end fast enough. Chalk it up to Eren being a dumbass as usual. Throttle him when we’re back.

Now, now baby, what did we say about sad letters? I may be on Captain Levi’s squad, but whose hope and dreams do I carry? We can’t have you fearing for my life each time I leave. I made a promise, to come back, to put a band on that finger of yours and make true all your wishes.

Back when we were still wet behind the ears, what drew me to you was your easygoing nature. That day you had laughed at Eren and I, the mood lightened. We were able get back to work, stop the bickering. I knew from that day that you would be the saving grace of our little group.

Before you mentioned it, I had forgotten completely about that incident with the titan. Leave it to you to think of such a moment. Did ya fall for me in that moment? When I came in to save you? As much as I would like to save you again, putting you in such a position is out of the question. I nearly lost you that day. Never, ever again. I promised you that day, and I meant every word.

It is funny how you mention Mikasa. She is tending to Eren, as usual, and asking about you. Something about my ears turning pink and hiding the letter I’m writing from the others. She cares about you, as we all do. Even that blockhead Eren. They can’t wait to see you, Mikasa says. She asks how you’re feeling, and if you’ll be well enough to join us for missions when we’re back.

I'll have to write the rest when I'm on guard duty alone. You mentioning that kiss, and the best, and worst send off you could have given me on that night is too mean. I can't see you, be with you, or see that blush for a couple more days. Hold out for me. I’ll replace that first kiss in the moonlight with many, many more.

That night you cried in my arms, I’ll never forget. As I told you then, I’ll tell you again now. You are, the single most beautiful person I have ever met, and I will spend the rest of my days trying to get you to understand, and see what I see every single night as I sleep.

Next time, I’ll make sure you don’t cry. At least, not for the same reasons.

I had to take another break after writing that line to you. I fear we must keep the rest of the letter tame, my love. If Connie throws another can of rations at me for having what he calls a “devilish” look on my face, I fear I might actually die.

Don’t worry so much about us. We’ll be alright. We have the captain, Mikasa, the new recruits, and the commander with us. I’ll be back before you know it. Don’t miss me too much. I’m enclosing two of those kisses you love so much in this letter. That should last you until I’m back to give you real ones. Keep dreamin’ about that little house for me. What flowers would you grow? What colour is the gate? Tell me all about it when I'm back.

I love you. Don’t forget it.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Jean

((I DUNNO WHAT CAME OVER ME writing this to you! I felt kinda sappy?? I hope you like it!! you gave me so much to work with in terms of memories, and I loved reading it! Thank you so so much for sending this in, and so sorry again for the delay! much, much love, and please feel to send me anything you want in the future! You are, no bother. Ever <3))

Valentines Day Event - now closed - sorry for the late delivery!

#valentines day event 2021 #I HOPE U LIKE IT #I FEEL LIKE I WROTE THIS FUELED BY ROMANTIC NOTIONS ALONE #jean x onyx #HOW CUTE #LOVE U #jean x reader #jean kirschtien #ive got some other biiiig letters to do! I shall get to them slowly :) I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT U FRIENDS #and that stray matchup that got eaten by Tumblr!#schoolwork and such! thank you for understanding <3

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