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joonie-beanie · 4 years

Text

Eroge

Pairing: Leviathan x Reader

Word Count: 3,778

Preview: You happen upon Levi at a bad time, and accidentally end up getting sucked into his video game. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that said game is a kinky eroge.

“Can’t you get me out?!”

“Ah—um—it says that the only way to get a player out of the game is the make them—um—climax?"

** Please note that this is a cross-posting **

This chapter was originally posted on 2/8/2020 as a part of my “Devil Doms” series on AO3.

[New text from Leviathan]

Leviathan: Hey!! Come to my room today!! I need your help with a boss raid!!

You: Okay!!

“Levi!” you call out, knocking on his door. It’s close to 9pm, but he hadn’t texted you until a short while before dinner, and you’d already agreed to proof read Beel’s literature essay for him following the meal. You’d assumed that coming to Leviathan’s room whenever would be fine, but when you hear the Avatar of Envy startle from within—something crashing to the floor and a scream following—you wonder if now isn’t the best time.

“Ah! No!” he cries out, something else clambering onto the floor, and you knock on the door again.

“Levi? Are you alright?”

Without waiting for him to answer, you test the doorknob and push the door open when you find that it’s unlocked.

“N-No! Don’t come in! I--,” he begins to say, but quickly realizes he’s already too late when he sees your head pop through the doorway. Your eyes land on him. He’s kneeling beside his desk, face red as a tomato, and a few figurines, a bottle of…lotion?, and a controller are scattered at his feet.

“Are you okay?” you ask, hesitantly stepping into the room and closing the door behind you. Levi’s hands shake, his gaze turning down to the floor in front of him.

“I’m fine! Totally fine!” he nearly yells in response, hurriedly scooping up the items scattered across the floor. His eyes dart back up to you, and he spins on his knees, facing away before standing up.

You frown, wondering why he’s acting so weird.

“Is now a bad time? Maybe we can do the raid tomorr—”

“No!! It has to be today!!” he responds in a panic, his head whipping every which direction. After a second, he rushes to his bed and gingerly sets the figurines down. He then stands up, still facing away, and glances at you over his shoulder. As soon as he makes eye contact with you, his blush deepens.

“We can do it now! I just…I need to use the bathroom first!” he says, and stiffly walks to another door nearby. You watch him, concerned. You’ve seen Levi flustered before, but this is an entirely new level.

Still a little unsure, you slowly pad further into the room. After a few seconds, his monitor catches your eye, and you make your way over. On screen, there’s the start menu of a game. It’s pink, and twinkly—little starbursts shining all across the menu. However, there’s no title to the game, or indication of what it’s about. The only options on screen are “Resume Game”, “Import Character & Continue” or “Quit”.

Well, if this is the game we’re playing, I might as well get a head start and make my character, you think to yourself, scooping his wireless controller off the ground. You take a seat in his green and black leather chair, figuring it’s not a big deal since Levi isn’t around at the moment.

Pressing the joystick down, you hover over the “Import Character & Continue” option, and then hit ✕. A text box pops up.

“Is the current player the one you would like to import?”

A “Yes” or “No” option appears, and you click over to “Yes”. However, as you confirm your choice, an electric tingle rolls over your entire body. You gasp, the controller falling out of your hands, and it clatters to the floor.

The sound manages to reach Levi—who is still hidden in the bathroom—and he opens the door slightly.

“Y/N?” he calls, “what was that?”

There’s no response, and Levi peeks his head out a bit farther. His eyes scan the room, and there’s no sign of you. Just his wireless controller on the ground beside his chair, and—

Levi notices the screen on his computer has changed, and his heart drops into his stomach.

“No no no no no no!” he panics, darting out of the bathroom and to his desk. He holds the monitor between his hands, orange eyes widening as the screen changes yet again—the level finally having loaded. Immediately—you appear on screen.

“Leviathan?!” you call out, scanning your surroundings. You’re no longer in the House of Lamentation, but what looks to be a city—or, more specifically, an alleyway within a city. Tall brick walls cage you on either side—a dead end behind you, and a street a few hundred feet ahead.

“Levi!” you try again, and this time you hear a response.

“Y/N!” it sounds like he’s far away—his voice echoing down the alley. You open your mouth—relieved to hear him—but he doesn’t sound calm at all.

“Why did you do that?! You stupid normie! Now what am I going to do?! Oh my GOD. OOOOO MY GOD—”

“Levi! What is going on?! Where am I, and why are you freaking o--?”

Before you can finish, a dark shadow begins to materialize out of the pavement in front of you. You startle, back tracking. Ever so slowly, the dark mass rises up—tentacle-like arms whipping out and dragging across the floor.

You stare in fear, gasping when you roughly run into the brick wall behind you.

“Levi!” you yell, frustrated at his silence.

“I—UGH. Okay! Listen! I was playing a game, and this is the final boss! You totally came to my room at the worst time--!”

He’s halfway between exasperation, and a whine, but you don’t have time for his rambling at the moment.

“What kind of game?” you interrupt, your eyes training on the abomination in front of you once more. By now, it’s no longer a dark shadow. The mess of slick limbs has taken on a purple hue—two large eyes appearing at the front of it’s torso.

“Um…”

Leviathan sounds more embarrassed than you’ve ever heard him before, and realization begins to dawn on you—both fear and arousal mingling in your gut.

“Levi…,” you speak again, your tone soft, and a little scared. The monster makes eye contact with you, and its tentacles begin inching forward.

“I—it’s—,” he struggles to admit the truth, but at this point you don’t need him to say it. You realize what he’d be playing: a very kinky eroge—in which the final boss is apparently a tentacle monster.

“Can’t you get me out?!” you ask, shivering as one of the tentacles begins curling up your leg. There’s the sound of a game case clicking open, and papers being flipped. You assume he’s reading the manual.

All the while, another tentacle reaches out and touches your wrist. You immediately jump away from the feeling, but the tentacle is persistent. It darts out—securing your wrist in a split second. You panic—attempting to pull free, but it’s clear that the monster is much stronger.

With little effort, it forces your arm above your head, and another tentacle darts out to capture your other wrist. By the time Levi’s voice returns to the space around you, both of your wrists are secured above your head by a single tentacle—your feet barely touching the ground.

In his room, staring at the screen, Leviathan swallows harshly. The tent in his pants twitches at the sight of you.

“Ah—um—it says that the only way to get a player out of the game is to make them—um—climax?”

His voice pitches high at the end. Clearly, he’s embarrassed to be saying it, and you don’t blame him. However, right now, you’re pretty sure that if either of you have the right to be embarrassed, it’s you.

“Do you…have a hand in completing the level?” you ask him when the monster begins to idle. As if on cue, a bold, white “LEVEL START” appears in the space above you. Levi’s hands tighten around his controller, and his tongue darts out to lick his lips.

“I…”

You can hear many emotions in his voice—everything from shame, to regret, and maybe even a little bit of excitement. You sigh, your thighs rubbing together shyly. If it was up to you, you would have built an emergency escape option into the game, but since there’s clearly only one path to getting you out…

“It’s okay, Levi. I trust you.”

And it’s true. Despite the monster in front of you, it’s reassuring to know that at least Levi has some control. And…it’s not like you’ve never seen anything involving a tentacle monster before. Like Levi, you enjoy anime, and at some point, had discovered hentai. You’d always felt shameful when becoming aroused while watching, but the idea of being stimulated so much at once is undeniably appealing to you.

So, while your current predicament wasn’t exactly planned, it wasn’t completely unwelcome either.

“Y/N, I…,” Levi sounds so torn. If he’s being honest with himself, he really wants to play the level. And the fact that you’re willing to put your trust in him and let him play it a huge turn on. However…if he had just been more careful, and hadn’t freaked out and left you alone, then you wouldn’t be in this predicament to begin with.

“Levi,” you speak up again, and he glances at his computer screen to find you smiling up at him. You send him a little wink, and while he can tell you’re still nervous, there’s an air of genuine reassurance about you as well.

“Have fun. I’m yours to use.”

And with that, Levi needs to hear nothing else.

His tongue pokes out to wet his lips, heart thundering against his ribs, and his fingers tighten against the controller in his hands.

“Ittadakimasu,” he whispers, an edge to his voice that reflects his hunger. You blush, realizing how turned-on he is by your words, but don’t have long to think on it. The tentacle wrapped around your leg inches up to meet your womanhood—rubbing it through your leggings.

You gasp, arms straining against their restraints, but of course it’s no use.

Behind you—perhaps purposely hidden, so you can’t see the words—an array of options appears.

✕ – Play with breasts

◯ – Rip off clothes

△ – Spank

□ – Fuck pussy

Levi reads through them quickly. All of the choices are tempting, but he doesn’t want to be too rough with you starting off.

His thumb hits the ✕ button, and a tentacle wiggles forward—curling around your waist and then wrapping around your breasts. You keen, thighs pressing together as heat begins threading through your limbs. Even while clothed, the sensation of having no control while being touched in your most sensitive areas is more arousing than you’d care to admit.

The tentacle at your chest curls around one of your breasts—squeezing, and tugging at the mound. Your other breast is prodded at by the round head of the purple appendage—attempting to locate your sensitive nipple through your clothing.

Again, an option appears on screen.

RB – Remove shirt

Levi’s finger hesitates over the bumper, precum beginning to pool against the crotch of his sweats. What he’s doing feels like a crime, but…your words of reassurance resound in his head, and he pushes the button.

In reaction, the tentacle at your chest momentarily stops its ministrations—diverting downward. The slimy arm sneaks beneath the hem of your t-shirt, crawling its way up between your breasts. And then, with a might tug away from you, it rips your shirt up the middle. Your bra is the only thing left shielding your chest away from public view, but it doesn’t stay in place for long.

Apparently part of a package deal with the “Remove shirt” option, the tentacle yanks the lacy white fabric away from your body—the garment disappearing from around you with a definitive rip. Immediately your breasts spill into the open air, and you flush bright red, realizing that this is the first time Levi will have seen any part of you so intimately.

Seated in front of the PC, the Avatar of Envy sets his controller atop his desk—prepared to push the buttons with one hand (no matter how lame of a gamer it makes him), while his other hand finally sinks into his lap. He palms himself through his pants, nearly moaning at the momentary relief. However, he doesn’t give into his desires just yet—his eyes still glued to the screen as the monster begins toying with your tits once more.

This time, with no fabric in the way, you’re feeling much more sensitive as the tentacle resumes its movements. The purple limb wraps around one of your breasts, pulling and squeezing the soft flesh, while the head of the tentacle swirls around your hardened nipple. You tremble at the feeling, managing to hold in any sounds that threaten to escape you…at least, until an additional tentacle hovers over your neglected breast—the end of the limb opening like a pair of lips. It wastes no time locking onto your nipple—sucking harshly and causing a lewd gasp to escape you.

Finally, with two tentacles assaulting your tits, and a third still rubbing between your legs, you’re beginning to fall apart at the seams. Your breathing becomes unsteady—whines and moans rolling off your tongue as the monster continues to follow Levi’s commands.

While you can’t hear it, the purple haired demon’s breathing has turned rugged as well. His dick is so hard now that it’s painful, but he still doesn’t grant himself relief. Not yet, not like this.

“Levi,” you moan, and you hear a quiet groan in response. The Avatar of Envy reaches down between his legs to pinch the base of his cock—stopping himself from cumming at the sound.

“Shit,” he curses to himself quietly, his eyes flitting back up to the computer when another round of choices appear.

✕ – Fuck pussy

◯ – Fuck mouth

△ – Fuck ass

□ – Other

Heat creeps up Leviathan’s neck as he reads through them. The game had been equally as blunt on previous levels, but now that you’re involved, he wishes there was some sugarcoating in place.

His pointer finger moves to hover over the ✕, but he hesitates. As he mulls over the many thoughts in his head, your moans reach his ears once more, and he immediately makes his decision. He won’t last if you continue sounding like that.

In game, you begin to whine his name—needing something more, anything—when all of the sudden your mouth is filled. You gasp, your eyes squeezing shut as a tentacle presses between your lips—the slick limb moving across your tongue. The monster fucks your mouth at a steady pace—testing the waters. You gag when the tentacle ventures a little too deep, and it seems like the game takes note—lessening the frequency in which it forces you to try and deepthroat.

However, each time you gag, your nipples and clit feel more sensitive than before. At this point, the lack of true contact on your womanhood is turning into torture, and you whine around the length in your mouth—your thighs rubbing together around the limb still sliding up against your pelvis.

Levi understand what you’re asking, and taps □. Instantly another line of options appear aside from the main ones, and Levi is relieved to find the one he’s searching for.

LT – Give oral

He hits the trigger, watching as the tentacle tending to your lower half pauses in its job. It reaches up to grab the waistband of your leggings, and in one fell swoop tugs them down your legs. You squeal at the sensation—eyes popping open and glancing downward, attempting to see what’s occurring.

You note an additional limb sliding across the ground towards you. It reaches up, curling around one of your legs, and hiking it off the ground. Suddenly, your pussy—shining with your arousal—is very much on display for Levi to see.

“Oh, fuck,” you hear him groan, wishing you could see him. Knowing that what he’s doing to you is getting him off makes your pussy clench, and you wonder if that’s his plan. However, the tentacle that had been teasing you up until now doesn’t fill you as you expect it too. Instead, the tip of the tentacle peels open—a smaller appendage sneaking out of the opening.

To you, it looks similar to a tongue.

“Mmph!” you gasp when it licks between your folds—finally coming in contact with your aching clit. Your spine curves—hips pressing downward as tentacle pleasures you in earnest.

Tears prick at your eyes—the amount of sensations afflicting your body at once almost overwhelming. You mouth is full—tits being sucked, and licked, and squeezed—and now your clit is getting the attention it’s been so desperately craving. Really, it’s enough to drive you insane.

Eyes squeezing shut—your thighs shake as the pressure building in your gut threatens to snap.

“Please cum, Y/N,” you hear Levi beg—breathless. You’re not sure if you had been meant to hear his silent plea, but it’s enough to push you over the finish line.

You climax with a cry—the sound muffled by the tentacle in your mouth as its rhythm slows—sensing your release. The tongue between your legs continues licking—dragging as much pleasure out of you as possible—while at the same time the tentacles on your breasts give the mounds one last round of love.

By the time the waves of pleasure have diminished, your arousal is leaking down the inside of your thigh.

Above your head, a bold “LEVEL COMPLETED” appears in the air, and the tentacles begin to retreat. You breathe deeply as your mouth is freed—the slippery limbs uncurling themselves and returning to the main body of the monster. And—as soon as your feet touch the ground, and your wrists are released—the scenery around you shifts.

Levi’s hands scramble to grab you as you materialize beside him back in his room—your legs giving out as he does so. You slump against him, still struggling to catch your breath. You’re relieved that it’s over—you’re not sure how much more of that you could have taken—but you’re jumbled out of your serenity as Levi hefts you up so you’re seated on the edge of his desk.

“Levi?” you question, eyes darting up to his face. There’s a serious look in his eyes, and you watch in surprise as the Avatar of Envy shoves his sweats down his thighs—his cock weeping against his abs.

“I’m sorry,” he says, swallowing your groan with a sloppy kiss as he slides his length between your walls. His voice is shaky—he’s been holding back for too long. “I need this. I n-need you. Please.”

“Fuck, Levi,” you groan, your pussy tightening around him as he begins chasing after his own release. His pace is quick, and sharp. It’s clear that he won’t last long. He had been waiting for this—for you—and while you know you won’t be able to orgasm with him—you can at least egg him on.

“You feel so good,” you speak, tits bouncing at the intensity of his thrusts. Your hands reach up to hug his skull—the demon’s breath hot against your neck as miniscule whines escape his throat. His grip on your waist tightens—blue colored fingernails digging small crescents into your skin—and with a few more snaps of his hips, he’s releasing inside of you.

“Fuck,” he chokes, forehead pressing against your collarbone he rides out his bliss.

After a moment, he pulls back—his cock slipping out of you, and immediately his seed is sliding from your heat—mingling with your own arousal. The sight has you both turning a bright shade of red, and Leviathan begins to panic—his head whipping every which way in search of a towel, or literally anything.

You laugh at him, your hands reaching up to grip his sides, and he finally pauses. His gaze turns back to you—his orange eyes shy now that the intensity of the situation has died down, but you only smile at him. Tired, but reassuring. Like always.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” you ask, giggling when Levi sheepishly nods his head. “I’m glad then.”

“I’m sorry,” he speaks up after a moment, his hands reaching beneath you. He cradles you in his arms, carrying you to his bed. “Please don’t hate me now.”

“I could never,” you tell him honestly, your palm cupping his cheek as he bends over to set you down. His eyes meet yours—still apologetic—and you cough, your face turning pink and gaze darting away.

“And besides, I…um…actually really enjoyed that. So please don’t feel sorry.”

A wave of relief washes over Leviathan, and he topples you over with a hug.

“UGH. I was so worried! But man, that was sooooo hot!! I can’t believe you let me do that to you, and you enjoyed it!! I knew I liked you for a reason, Y/N!”

His outburst of emotion has you giggling—his face rubbing against your chest as he releases all his pent-up feelings. However, after a minute his words and movements stop, and you open your eyes, glancing down at him.

He’s looking at you with a serious face, but his eyes shine with excitement.

“Can I import you and start the game again? Oh! Or, if I buy more games like that will you let me make you my main character? Please?”

“I--,” you’re not sure what to say—feeling embarrassed all over again at the idea. He seems so enthralled by the idea, and while you’re completely flattered that he’d enjoyed the experience so much that he actually wants to do it again, right now your brain isn’t able to entertain the thought. You’re too exhausted.

“M-Maybe?? Ask me later.”

“Huhuhuhu okay~!” he giggles, hugging you tightly once more, and you can’t help but smile.

As dorky as he is—the Avatar of Envy is as equally endearing.

“Hey Levi?”

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you make the monster fuck me in the game?”

Your question has him turning pink—his gaze shying away from you.

“Because…”

“Because?”

“Because yourpussyismine--!”

You frown, not understanding.

“What?”

“Because your pussy is mine!!” he yells, his embarrassment exploding as you force the admission out of him.

Your eyes go wide, cheeks reddening at his declaration.

Well, you think, feeling like you may need a cold shower. That settles that.

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thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness · 4 years

Text

Toshiya Interview 「PHY」Vol.17 Translation 1/2

He talks about the negative parts in human beings that the world has no choice but to look straight at. Also, he talks about his own melancholy. “The places, the time, and the people I cherish are not eternal, rather, they can be destroyed in an instant…. that resignation…no…I wonder if there is an awakening about that”

Note before reading: This is the first part of Toshiya’s interview in 「PHY」Vol.17 released last 19th. This part covers half of the interview. You can already read the second part here. You can get the magazine at Cdjapan if you live out of Japan. Please buy and support it if you can. Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) ----- It was the kind of interview that made me believe in them forever. DIR EN GREY's first digital single, 'Ochita koto no aru sora ', it’s a song like a warning bell that appeals to live without looking away from this restraining reality, as well as the desire to bet on a band of five members. Of course, there,the feelings of how each member feels about Corona are included there. In this solo interview with Toshiya (Bass), he talked about the melancholic feelings he is having facing the current situation of the world. In his own words, he feels sometimes hesitant to say his own thoughts, the conflict, the indecision, but at the same time, he revealed the reason why a strongly man like him felt the necessity to be in this band. Text by: Higuchi Yasuyuki Photos by: Sasahara Kiyoaki Hair&Make-up : Yamaguchi Atsushi “Putting their problems aside, we have lived mediocrely. Then, facing this situation, we are unable to compete. But that's the negative part that we have been facing for a long time” -The other day, I was allowed to hold an event at a certain place. T: Thank you. You were really helpful. -It's been a while since I witnessed the scene of the 5 of you reunited together. Your presence in the dressing room at that time, felt like a person who was really at home. T: What do you mean? (laughs) Well, I haven’t been meeting people. -It’s a time that it’s stimulating (meeting people)… T: It’s scary, isn’t it? If you get infected, you will affect those around you, moreover, if you get someone else infected…..you think about those things after all. -Staying all time at home made you feel depressed? T: Not really. Basically, because in the first place, my life is the same as when we are doing our underground activities. -The other members believed the same (laughs) T: So, it wasn’t depressing. These activities were rather normal or even plain. Well, if I had to say something that was different than usual…. thanks to having more time than usual (the single), it was completed very smoothly. -It seems like that. T: Originally, we were planning to record while touring but the postponement of the tour gave me some time and it was very smooth. -Are you always on a tough schedule? T: It’s already rough. And at the very end I always feel like I’m compressing everything so in that sense, it was every easy to do (the single) this time. -If you had made it between tours as planned, wouldn't the single have a different style?

T: There is a possibility. However, I don't think it would be completely different…. I don’t really know. -That's right. Personally, when I listened to this song, I thought about how you would perceive the current situation as a band that can’t see what lies ahead. It’s a song with a lot of power and energy, are you worried about the future of the band? T: I see. About what your personal thoughts…. I think this band will be fine as long as the members are living, like, the band will continue on as long as the members are alive. It might be an extreme reasoning but that's what I think myself. Regardless of the Corona and what will happen after it. -Because you don’t think that just because of this situation…. T: Yes. Because I think Dir en grey is consisted by these 5 people. Well, until now, I used to say it with words in interviews and so, but maybe recently I really came to think that. -It could be. T: In the past, being honest….when I was thinking about the band….of course I know I'm a person that would be in a band but I thought that there was no reason why it had to be these five people. -That way of thinking its not only limited to you, that’s a thing you think when you are young. T: It’s not only related to bands but also to human relationships. For example, let’s say that you insult someone on the internet. Of course, there might be a reason behind why that person got insulted but rather than insulting them, don’t say anything. You accumulate those things inside (the attacks/insults) and eventually that person will….like….* *He is is making a subtle reference to the recent news of Hana Kimura’s suicide after being harassed online. -There was this sad incident…. T: The places, the time, and the people I cherish are not eternal. A word that has no meaning at that time, the words of someone who doesn't understand the true meaning of what they are saying. With a single word that dances around with collective complicity, important things can be broken in a instant. That resignation…no… if you don’t have that awakening, that you don’t need to insult someone or do just as you please…. -Do you think you are the type of person that lets those things accumulate in yourself? T: How should it be? But I want to cherish where I am, I know that this position is only possible with these five people, so I sometimes I don’t express my thoughts, but it’s like that for all human beings, right? - When you started the band, you were more self-assertive but you had to change that in order to be able to continue in this band. T: That's right. After all, I'm basically a very selfish person (laughs), so I feel like I'm going to destroy the place I'm in if I'm a selfish person like I was in the past. Isn’t that scary? - You have that kind of trait rooted in yourself. T: When I was a kid, I was always selfish and selfish, for example, even if I played soccer with my friends, if I had the ball, I would go to the score goal myself. I didn’t pass it to anyone (laughs) -But team playing is an important thing in sports…. T: I had no spirit of cooperation. I was often told that by my parents. Like “As you are not cooperative, you’re better off doing things alone than doing it with others”. -And such a person has been in the same band for over 20 years (laughs) T: That's right. That's why I feel that the band has given me spirit of cooperation with others. If not, I would still be running to the score the goal with the ball (laughs). -But that kind of person is doing the bass in a band called Dir en grey, so I think it’s a perfect balance. T: Is that so? - The members in charge of bass and drums tend to be less self-assertive and more cooperative than vocals and guitars. I think that's probably because rhythm is related to the fundamental base of music and it’s created by the instrument that play it. T: In the past, that was the impression, right? About the bass. Like being a step back from everyone and playing silently. -But you are not that type of bassist. In the first place, each of you asserts themselves on stage. T: I agree. I mean, I've never though that "because I was the bassist I had to take a step back" (laughs) -That’s what DIR EN GREY is. I thought that it must be hard for the band to have a bassist with such a strong presence when I saw the current shooting. T: What it’s hard? -I meant that the individuality of each one of you collides violently. You can’t take pictures like these with 5 people, right? T: That's right. In a good way, it's also the band's mood. That's why I've been playing in this band with a mysterious sense of balance. I'm not going to take a step back, and while I have a desire to go forward, I'm also conscious of not going too far. “I feel that the band has given me spirit of cooperation with others. If not, I would still be running to the score the goal with the ball (laughs).” - You said that you have acquired that kind of balance in this band. T: That’s what I think. And that doesn’t apply just to me, but also to the other four members. Like, everyone is looking properly at others, not only themselves. It’s the same at lives, and of course what you want them to see it’s your playing but what I really want them to see the most is the sight of these five people standing there. That’s what the image of a cool band might be and on top of that, each of us can shine in their own way. - As I said earlier, I think you are really a strong person. And I think that's something that all the members of this band have in common. T: That might be true. - So, your personalities collide violently, and that friction is what creates your sound. However, on the other hand, there are some moments in which you have negative thoughts, or you are not confident in yourself. T: That's right. After all, I don't have self-confidence. - Especially in your case, I feel that you often make statements like that in interviews. T: Is that so?......mmmm…..I wonder why….but it’s like... I think that saying that kind of things doesn’t matter in some cases?.... -What do you mean with “it doesn’t matter”? T: Well, like they ask “are you confident?” and you are, but saying those things openly/loudly isn’t something that is bothering? I think it's only me who knows in what I am confident and in what aspects I am not. But then, do you know yourself well? If you ask me, I don’t know the answer at all. In short, you probably shouldn’t believe the words you are told. -You don’t believe in those words? T: Yes. Everything is a lie or a false image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious. After all I believe it’s like that. Also, I think of myself as just a shallow/miserable person. Next part

#dir en grey #toshiya #phy vol 17 #phy magazine #translation #toshiyatranslations

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jaz-wegott · 4 years

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Stress Relief

Author’s Note: Just trying my hand with this. Kind of a continuation of Caretaker, kind of not. Literally there’s like no plot just filth lol. Please let me know if you like it.

Warnings: 18+, explicit, smut, Daddy Kink, Spanking

Doe eyes peered up at Bucky as she knelt before him, barely able to contain her excitement as she placed the leather belt in his hands. Her eyes trailed from his face down to his crotch, where his boxers had formed a prominent tent. Her mouth salivated at the mere thought of what she knew was straining against Bucky’s underwear, what she couldn’t wait to get her mouth on. But she knew there was another reward coming her way first.

One that she had practically begged for, one that she’d had to convince Bucky to give her. Despite his original reservations, he’d taken on the role easily, having a natural dominant essence to him. What she’d requested of him wasn’t completely out of his realm of comfort, but when it came to his Sweets, Bucky wasn’t so sure of walking such a dangerous--but pleasurable--line.

“You’re sure?” Bucky asked softly, his alpha persona subsiding for a moment to do a final check in. Though he was beyond excited and eager to take this journey, he had to be sure before things could proceed. He awaited an answer, his thumb trailing the outline of her full lips.

“Very sure, Buck.” she breathed, accentuating her point by wrapping her lips around his thumb and sucking softly as her eyes flutter shut. Just that motion alone was enough to send the desire spiking through the roof between the both of them.

“And you promise to use the safe word at any moment you feel necessary?” Bucky pushed further, leaving no room for gray areas. He was well aware of how exciting and gratifying this encounter could be, just as he was aware of how tragic this could turn out if communication was not emphasized. With her mouth occupied with Bucky’s thumb and her thoughts anxious to have something else in her mouth, she could barely nod yet she managed knowing how important a response was.

“Alright then, over my knee.” Bucky’s voice dropped an octave as his demeanor quickly became more assertive. Arousal blossomed in her core as she stood on wobbly legs, eager to comply to her beau’s command. She lay across his lap, her backside now fully exposed to him, his hands gingerly running up the back of her thighs. Occasionally, he’d stop and firmly squeeze the ample flesh of her backside, only driving her desire further.

“This isn’t a punishment, little love. You’ve been such an angel, such a good girl. But I see how badly you need a release. You’ve got so much on your plate and you’ve been handling it so well. I just wanna help you take some of that stress off.” Bucky’s deep timber rumbled sending shocks through her entire being. He hadn’t really begun to pleasure her, yet she felt as though she was already reaching her peak. If he kept teasing her, she wouldn’t be able to contain herself much longer.

As if he could read her mind, Bucky’s flesh hand swiftly descended onto her right buttock. Her nerves reacted with a flash of sharp pain followed by an intense pleasure that lit her entire being on fire. A whispered moan of Bucky’s name left her lips, as she felt her pussy clench around nothing. Bucky paused, gauging her reaction, feeling slightly more at ease with this encounter now that he could see the unadulterated pleasure she was already experiencing. The evidence of her pleasure was only a boost to his confidence, a sign to take this as far as she’d asked.

Another swift pop came to her backside, soliciting an even louder moan. The amount of pleasure she was feeling almost frightened her as she felt herself reaching an intense, unfamiliar high even with no stimulation to her most sensitive areas. Several smacks followed, leaving her core dripping in an embarrassing manner. However, she was beyond embarrassment.

“Little one, does this feel good? Is this helping relieve the tension?” Bucky questioned amidst her chorus of moans, pausing his sensual assault to check in. Her mind cloudy, it took her an extended time to not only process Bucky’s question, but to remember how to use her mouth to speak.

“Feels good, Daddy.” she breathed, a giggle escaping her lips even though in the back of her mind she was aware of the fact that nothing was actually humorous. Her mind was in such a hazy state, that she hadn’t noticed she’d let that title slip. A title Bucky had more than earned but she’d hesitated to actually vocalize, unsure how he’d feel about it. However, she was currently beyond caring.

Bucky on the other hand, had caught the words as she’d let them slip past her lips. He couldn't contain the smile that curved his lips as his heart swelled with pride. Those words were enough to push him even further into his role. His hands reached for the belt he’d placed behind him, dragging it across her bottom lightly. “Daddy is gonna take real good care of you, Sweets. Real good care.” he murmured as his metal hand stroked the back of her head tenderly.

Watching for her reaction carefully, Bucky brought the belt down to her plump flesh careful not to use the full force possible. Just enough to bring that delicious burn she’d now become accustomed to. This change in method brought about a change in her response. When Bucky had merely used his hand, she’d managed to stay relatively still and receive the pleasurable pain he inflicted. But when he’d used the belt, her entire body reacted, her hands flying back to soothe the burn as her legs flailed.

“Daddy!” she whined through a moan, completely in a different headspace. When she’d asked Bucky to give her a stress relieving spanking, she’d never imagined the pleasure would be this intense. Gone were her worries and stresses that had previously plagued her. Instead all she could comprehend was Bucky, her Daddy. They had yet to have that conversation, but it was sealed in her mind already.

Bucky zoned in on her chest heaving up and down with delight, the wetness that was leaking from her core, making the decision to continue. He reminded himself that she’d promised to use her safe word, he had to trust that she’d let him know when to ease off. But it was clear to Bucky, she was having the time of her life. He brought the belt down again, relishing in the response her body gave. Tears sprung to her eyes, sharply contrasting the immense arousal and joy she felt. She felt the dam of emotions beginning to break, finally able to let go of all the negativity that had troubled her.

By the time Bucky finished, she was a teary, blubbering mess. Bucky carefully cradled her in his arms, careful not to let too much pressure on her bottom as she sat on his lap. Her head rested against his shoulder as he soothingly rocked her back and forth. His scent clouded her nostrils, giving her the safe feeling of being surrounded.

Minutes ticked by in silence as Bucky soothed her, allowing her to dictate if this session continued or not. This encounter had sent Bucky’s desire sky-high, but he was willing to contain his own excitement to ensure she was in a safe headspace. He listened as her heartbeat began to slow, sighing as he pressed a kiss to the curls atop her head.

“It’s your turn, daddy.” she whimpered, slipping from his lap to her knees, tugging at the band of his boxers. A girlish giggle practically danced from her mouth as his manhood sprung out. Usually she’d spend a few minutes teasing him, loving how wound up she could get him. However, she’d long given up her power to Bucky. She just wanted to give him a fraction of the amount she had received. “You’re such a good daddy.” she mumbled as her small hand moved along his length. She was so gone for him that she was letting the title fly freely.

“Show me how good I am to you, baby.” Bucky whispered, quickly cutting himself off with a curse as he felt her hot, wet mouth engulfing his length. “That’s my girl, such a good girl.” Bucky praised, knowing that doing so would only result in her striving to please him even more. Having learned all the tricks to make Bucky tick, she wasted no time in taking one of his balls into her mouth, sucking softly as her hand pumped the head of his cock. Next, she was taking his entire length down her throat, while maintaining eye contact. That was enough to push Bucky close to the edge, causing him to pull her off and back into his lap.

The head of his cock teased at her entrance as the pair kissed passionately. Without breaking the heated kiss, Bucky slipped inside of her cunt, which welcomed him without issue. No matter how many times they were intimate, that first contact was always intense for the both of them. Today, however was surprising in its intensity. With one thrust, Bucky was met with her walls squeezing around him, her orgasm suddenly taking full force. A silent scream, nails digging into Bucky’s shoulder as her legs shook violently, she met her ultimate release.

“Dammit Sweets.” Bucky groaned as his hips kept working her through, chasing his own rapidly approaching orgasm. Holding her hips tightly, he pounded into her, doing all the work as she was still attempting to recover from her most intense orgasm to date. Sobs of pleasure escaped her lips as she held onto Bucky’s shoulders, whimpering moans of his name repeatedly. In a more dignified state, she may have been mortified at the lack of decorum but she was so far from caring. Bucky’s strokes became erratic as his breathing grew ragged, spilling his warm cum inside of her, sending her into another powerful orgasm that left her limp on top of her lover.

Fully relieved, her senses slowly returned to her as a smile etched itself into her face. Bucky’s metal arm traced patterns in her skin, chuckling as she shivered as a result. He peppered kisses across her face, stopping to hold eye contact with her for a final check in. “Did Daddy take care of you, little love?” Bucky chuckled, reminding her of the word she’d let slip. The title her heart had been begging to officially give to him.

“Daddy always takes care of me.” she responded, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips with the ghost of a smile on her own.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky x you #bucky barnes and reader #marvel #marvel fic #avengers #bucky barns imagine

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finkmakescharacters · 3 years

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Name: Dantalion Goethe

Gender: male

Age: 30

Residence: Here-Nor-There

Personality: serious, fair, reserved, intelligent, prim, logical, arrogant, persnickety, introverted, unfriendly, morbid, polite

Likes: black tea, mystery novels, being challenged, puzzles and riddles, rainy nights, learning something new, studying magic

Dislikes: getting dirty, parties, people who mistreat library books, closemindedness, secrets, rulebreakers, yardwork

Important Belongings

-The Old Grimoire, a book of incantations passed down to him by his father

-his vintage tea set, very expensive white porcelain with plum and gold trim

This is Dantalion, a well mannered psychic. He can show you visions of past, present or future and control the minds of others. He's a bit haughty and very hard to impress but he has a strong desire to maintain order. Lawful Neutral, if you will. Quiet, serious and eternally hungry for knowledge, Dantalion is often holed up in his study, reading through his grimoire or perhaps a good mystery. He loathes secrets and will not stand for information being withheld from him. He'll use his powers to either stealthily read the other's thoughts or overload their mind and cause crippling migraines if a more forceful approach is needed. That's not to say he doesn't hold his own secrets. Bit hypocritical maybe. Dantalion is not a social creature, preferring to keep his nose buried in his books. He's open to learning about all types of magic and has great respect for those who can provide him with an intellectually stimulating conversation. His wild hair appears to have a mind of its own and he can even hold objects with it. More books to read! He lives in an old gothic house in the small port town of Here-Nor-There that's not exactly in the most fabulous state, but Dantalion doesn't seem to mind. The roof may leak and the doors all squeak but he calls it home. His belongings are all tidy and organized, despite the exterior of his home looking rather shabby. If he's not reading, Dantalion may be writing his own tales or practicing his calligraphy. He takes great pride in his gorgeous penmanship and lettering. Though rather distant and stern, Dantalion is far from heartless. He's the type to listen closely and say little, allowing you to vent your frustrations without judgement. He's also dependable and loyal, as well as honest. Lying disgusts him and he picks on lies quickly. Dantalion has a very strong sense of honor. He will never back down from a fair challenge, nor will he flee or quit when he's losing. It does sting him when he's defeated by a lesser opponent. Dantalion isn't one to joke around and cuts playful goofiness short with a curt call back to serious conversation. That's not to say he doesn't ever have a laugh. His own sense of humor is very dry and unique to him. Others might think he's being weird or even rude when he's cracking the rare joke.

Design Notes

-6'3"

-wears pale face makeup and blush, neck is his natural skin tone

-beauty mark under eye

-hair is wild and untamed but always covers one eye

-cleft chin

Have a character interview with Dantalion!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

"My name is Dantalion. A pleasure."

WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

"Dantalion is my real name. Dantalion Victor Goethe. Please do not call me Dante."

DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CALLED THAT?

"I can't say that I know the full origin of my name, but I recall Father mentioning my middle name was taken from a distant uncle. I don't believe I ever met him though."

ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?

"I am quite single and quite happy so. Perhaps in time I will find a man or woman that I can spend my life with, but I am content as I am currently."

HAVE ANY ABILITIES OR POWERS?

"I am a psychic, a seer. I can see what has been or will be. It is not always voluntary and visions can be sudden."

STOP BEING A GARY STU.

"I apologize, I don't know of a 'Gary Stu'."

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?

"Allow me to move my hair for you. They're a vibrant light green."

HOW ABOUT YOUR HAIR COLOR?

"My hair is a dark, deep, plum purple."

HAVE YOU ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?

"In my immediate family, there is Mother and Father, as well as my two younger brothers, Valefar and Eligos. Valefar is two years younger than me and Eligos is five years younger."

OH? WHAT ABOUT PETS?

"Not currently. I had a wonderful cat for many years before he passed recently. His name was Azrael, a lovely little sphynx. It's unfortunate but not unexpected. 24 is quite good for a house cat."

THAT’S COOL I GUESS, NOW TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.

"Secrets. I can't stand them. Not terribly fond of sweet tea either. And people who 'dog ear' the pages of books, don't get me started..."

DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES YOU LIKE DOING?

"I took calligraphy lessons as a boy and continue to practice today. I'm also an avid reader and enjoy cleaning and organizing my study. Granted it doesn't really get disorganized, but I enjoy organizing my books in different ways. Perhaps alphabetical by title, perhaps alphabetical by author, who can say? Bit of a wild card, I am."

EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?

"Yes, though only when necessary to obtain information or incapacitate. I have assisted local detectives before in apprehending criminals and in order to give them what they wanted, I was required to use my powers to induce migraines in the accused. I don't particularly enjoy it, but I answer to the authorities at the end of the day, and they needed me."

EVER….KILLED ANYONE BEFORE?

"No, I have never needed to use lethal force and I pray I never need to. I believe lethal force should only be used if there is a very real threat on one's life and even then it shouldn't be your first choice."

WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?

"I'm of the humanoid sort."

NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.

"I, ah...am rather embarrassed to admit that I often pour myself another drink before finishing one I already have. It tends to slip my mind..."

DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE AT ALL?

"There is an author I am absolutely enamored with, Bea Wilder. Her work has inspired me since I was a very young child. I recall picking up her novel Hair in the Spider's Web from the school library and reading the entirety of it in one day."

GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

"I identify as bisexual, with a small preference for women."

DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

"I graduated years ago. I was salutatorian, in fact."

DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS ONE DAY?

"Perhaps one day, but not in the near future. I believe I'm a bit young for marriage and children."

DO YOU HAVE ANY FANBOYS/FANGIRLS?

"Not that I am aware of. Unless every pop star, actor and internet celebrity drops dead at once, I doubt the children would obsess over the likes of me."

WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

"Death, naturally. It's the greatest unknown and that terrifies me."

WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?

"I typically wear a dark colored suit, two or three pieces. My favorite one is the one I'm wearing currently. Quite a beautiful shade of purple."

DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

"I love my parents, as most do."

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WET YOURSELF?

"I was four. Accidents happen."

WELL, IT’S NOT OVER YET!

"Very well."

WHAT CLASS ARE YOU? (HIGH CLASS, MIDDLE CLASS, LOW CLASS)

"Higher middle class. I live quite comfortably but I wouldn't call myself notably wealthy."

HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

"I have very few friends, only one I speak to regularly, but they are very near and dear to my heart."

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?

"I enjoy blackberry pie."

FAVOURITE DRINK?

"Black tea, no milk, no sugar. Especially in the morning with a light breakfast."

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE?

"My study. It is my sanctuary."

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?

"Not currently, no."

WHAT’S YOUR BRA CUP SIZE AND/OR HOW BIG IS YOUR WILLY?

"That is a very inappropriate question and I will not be entertaining it."

WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?

"Neither. Are you aware of how filthy that water can be? The types of parasitic creatures that thrive in it?"

WHAT’S YOUR TYPE?

"Intelligent, artistic and graceful."

ANY FETISHES?

"I will say this once, please refrain from asking these invasive questions."

SEME OR UKE? TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

"If you continue to pester me like this, I will ask you to leave. This is your final warning."

CAMPING OR INDOORS?

"Indoors. It's pleasantly warm and there are the conveniences of tea kettles, antibacterial soap and indoor plumbing."

ARE YOU WANTING THE QUIZ TO END?

"If it means you will not ask me about my sexual preferences, yes."

#male original character #male oc #oc ref sheet #oc reference #oc #original character #art

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adhdstudybitch · 5 years

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Practical Tips for ADHD College Students

I know a few posts like this already exist, but I wanted to add my own experiences to the mix in case it would be helpful to someone else. Some of these will look familiar, some not so much.

Disclaimers: 1) What works for me may not work for you, take everything with a grain of salt and experiment, 2) These are what I’m using for a 4-year school but I imagine it would be applicable for any college? I wish I’d known to do some of these things when I was at CC, 3) I won’t pretend that I am an ADHD success story, not yet. I’m still finding my way, learning to cope, learning to thrive. It’s a process.

NOTE: This post is kinda long; if it’s too long I recommend just reading the bolded/italicized headings and only reading the ones that pique your interest :)

Sensory Issues:

Wear comfortable clothing: Screw the mentality that you always have to look your best in college. At the end of the day, feeling hot but ridiculously uncomfortable will trigger sensory issues (especially if you’re someone who is sensitive to certain materials/styles of clothing) and it will impact concentration and can cause a lot of distress. Are you comfortable in those sweatpants, pajama bottoms, baggy shirts? Cool, wear them.

Stim toys: Love yourself, buy (or make!) stim toys and bring them to school. Can’t speak for CC because I didn’t use stim toys when I went, but at my 4-year school everyone is too busy drowning in deadlines to notice you squishing thinking putty or using a fidget cube under the table.

Try different stim toys: I used to get caught up on trying to make the more popular stim toys work for me when they didn’t, so I had to experiment a bit to see what worked. It’s not always as simple as cubes, spinners, squishy toys, etc. If you have issues with texture you’ll want to really experiment, especially with things like putty, squishibles, etc. to see what is comfortable and what isn’t. But there’s a big ol’ market out there!

Headphones/Earplugs: The single most helpful sensory detail for me was always bringing my headphones to campus. I get easily overstimulated in uncontrolled situations with lots of different sounds. I make sure my volume is enough to block the noise out, but the songs I choose in these instances are usually familiar, so they don’t provide too much new stimulation when I can’t handle it. I also keep earplugs in my backpack for exams.

Studying/School Related:

If possible, leave your house: This has been one of the hardest changes I’ve had to make because I’m an introvert and genuinely prefer being home. But I’m starting to learn that my ass will not do work 9/10 times when I’m home. Too much to do, too many other things to get done, lots of fun distractions, and cats! So many cats! Unfortunately cats won’t take my exams. I’ve found that the library is okay, but for me small cafes worked much better. Armed with my headphones, some coffee, and an atmosphere that caters to silently getting work done, I’m able to focus longer, and to focus on what I really need to.

Note-taker: Admittedly I’m talking out of my ass on this one, because I haven’t yet done this. But that’s exactly why I want to stress getting a note-taker. My college life would be infinitely better if I’d done this when the semester started; instead, my notes have gaps where I couldn’t concentrate, or couldn’t process what was being discussed, etc.

Other accommodations: Accommodations for ADHD differ depending on the college, but some of the common ones are: note-takers, silent exam spaces, assignment extensions, and use of tech such as recorders, speech-to-text software... If you’re like I was and are worried that you’re asking too much asking for accommodations, remember two important things: 1) Accommodations exist to level the playing field, not to give us an edge, and 2) YOU PAY FOR THIS SERVICES. That huge, overwhelming tuition bill with all those “extra fees”? You’re paying for these services already, might as well take advantage of them!

Talk to your professors: This part is truly terrifying for me, but I’ve started opening up this semester to my professors and it has made a difference. The professor for my hardest class actually has a son with adhd so she understood and was even able to provide me with some resources that would help. At the very least, it made my professors aware of my struggles and aware that I wasn’t just being lazy, which calmed my RSD a bit.

Organization: Staying organized is important for any college student, but especially for those with adhd. We lose things a lot, and if things aren’t in obvious, constant places it becomes so much easier to lose or forget where we put things. That being said, your ‘organized’ will probably not be other peoples ‘organized’. For example, I use my Ipsy bags for organization. One holds any writing utensils, flashcards, and post-its, another holds anything medical-related, etc. It seems a bit cluttered and disorganized to other people but it works for me. So try keeping things in the same spot if possible, but remember that finding what organizational structures work for you might take time and effort. If your school has success coaching, I highly recommend it for this purpose! Which brings me to the next point.

Success Coaching: Most colleges offer some kind of program like this, though names may differ. Success Coaching is designed for students of any academic level in order to help them get and stay on track. My college offers study skills, schedule planning, test prep, time management, help navigating campus resources, and a whole host of others. And the people doing the coaching are usually grad students who’ve been through the process. They’re typically trained in working with students with adhd, because that tends to be a significant portion of their students. They’re also just really nice to talk to. Almost like a therapist, but not quite.

Really forgetful? The best thing you can do is change your environment, not try to change yourself. You probably won’t be able to stop your brain from forgetting your notebook at home, but you can get a five subject and keep it in your backpack at all times. Same with folders. Keep losing pens/pencils? Just get a fuckton and shove them in a pouch in your backpack in the beginning of the semester. I’m not kidding when I say I have at least 20 pens and pencils in mine, not including the glitter pens and highlighters.

Planners: Many people have said that it will take time to find just the right planner for you, and they’re correct. The planner I use right now is 8x11 with wide boxes. Some prefer smaller planners, others will use planner apps or just the calendar in their phone. You’ll have to mess around a bit to see what works for you, but you do have options!

Printables: Oh man I love printables so much, but a lot of the time I find that they’re more trouble maintaining than my adhd can handle. You can find a ton on tumblr, free to download and print, and some very beautiful packs for sale on etsy. Right now I use a monthly budget printable and one for studying terms/definitions. Sometimes the adhd mind needs something pretty and different to cling to, so I try to switch things up every so often.

Color-coding: This absolutely will not work for everyone (I’ve seen people say color-coding notes gets the hung up on the coding and not the notes, and I can definitely see that happening). For me, I use color-coding in my planner. Each class gets its own color. This keeps me from seeing a page covered in the same color of ink or pencil and mentally blocking it out. Gelly roll has the most amazing glitter pens!

Test prep: Will vary depending on the person and how they learn best, but for me I’ve found that no one method will work on its own. I have class notes, typed notes, hand-written flashcards, flashcards on quizlet. I won’t pretend that it’s easy; it’s fuck-all time consuming and sometimes I don’t have energy for it, but depending on the class I usually need a combination of at least two different methods to work. This is definitely something success coaching can work with you to figure out!

General Life Advice (that will impact college):

Get on a sleep schedule: I don’t even care what your particular schedule is (because it’ll vary person to person) but just get on one. Much easier said than done, because our brains never want to shut up at night, but lack of a consistent sleep schedule will mess with your concentration, focus, hypersensitivity, etc.

I’ll just do this later...: is the adhd monster talking. What even is later? Does it exist? Sometimes I have to tell myself “nope, we’re doing this right now!” Doesn’t always work, but I try my hardest to do things in the moment if executive dysfunction isn’t at my door.

Develop a support system: This can be difficult because sometimes making and maintaining friendships with adhd can be hard, and sometimes family members aren’t very receptive or supportive. But a strong support system can make all the difference in the world! If your current friends don’t understand the extent of what you’re dealing with, send some resources their way and you might be surprised how fast they get in your corner. But sometimes people without adhd just don’t get it. If your college has a meet-up for students with adhd like mine does, this is a great place to meet like-minded students who understand what you’re going through and can provide support and advice!

I’m going to stop this here because it’s already too long, but I hope this is helpful to someone and I’d love it if you could add your own tips as well!

#adhd #actually adhd #studying with adhd #adhd tips

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wisemanners · 4 years

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@wadamwoltron asked sincerely for my take on The Scene so here it is, i guess, but on my blog and NOT in her DMs like a weirdo. also some additional background context i guess. i’m trying to keep this somewhat objective, though obviously my specific memories are probably going to color it anyways.

so background context: this is mostly metatextual analysis regarding what is apparently a hotly debated topic in fandom of “what shiro’s mysterious disease.” the wiki says muscular dystrophy; we can’t find a source for this (though, if you know of one, please feel free to share). what’s stated in canon (in 7.1, “a little adventure”) is as follows:

it’s a muscular disorder

it’s degenerative

it involves muscle stiffness or tightness, which is alleviated by electrostimulation

we know for sure it affects his right arm; keith’s asking “what are those?” MAY imply that he has two (or more?) EMS devices but in the later scene where he has both sleeves rolled up we only see one.

a quick search of EMS therapy brings up this page which lists the following uses: you suffer from muscle spasms, have suffered from muscle atrophy due to disuse, your muscles need to be stimulated and re-educated, your muscles are weak and lack tone, you've lost range of motion due to an injury or illness. (it’s also used for circulation reasons, but since he mentions keeping muscles loose we can assume it’s related to one of these.) searching “degenerative muscle disease” brings up MD (general) as the first result, followed by other neuromuscular disorders; the symptoms listed that EMS is used to treat check out as the various muscular dystrophies all feature one or more of those symptoms. given that, this analysis will proceed as if this is the factual diagnosis (not ONLY because as far as i recall it was, though that is also the case).

[there are numerous types of MD, and we’ve done a fair amount of research to determine which one is the most likely given the symptoms presented (myotonic, probably DM2), but that’s less significant other than its CURRENT mortality rate.]

that said: the scene itself.

“Everything okay?” The only thing to analyze in the first line is the genuine concern in it, but that does contextualize the scene; i AM coming into this conversation from a place of being worried about someone i love.

“Iverson thinks I shouldn’t be part of the mission. Called in the big guns; Admiral Sanda showed up to try and convince Sam to remove me from the crew.” (there are interesting and significant implications with regards to how the Garrison’s chain of command works here, but that’s not the point of this character analysis.)

“Well, maybe he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t go on the mission. You’ll only be putting yourself at risk.” the absolute lack of hesitation in agreeing with iverson is i think the bigger clue at the greater context of this argument. this isn’t news. this is something i’ve been thinking about, and have clearly already come to a conclusion how i feel about it. “maybe” is a hedge word here. i DO in this moment think iverson is right, and this is just an excuse to say so. additionally, risk is an important word here, which i’ll circle back to several times.

[additional note on animation: i show almost no expression during these lines, except to frown and look stern at the end.]

“You know how important this is to me. It’s worth the risk!” Aside from tone and expression (he’s clearly upset and desperate here, and even looks away at the end as if he can’t face me), note risk again.

“Takashi, how important am I to you?” I know this line is everyone’s favorite. I understand why, even, especially given the dubious nature of “canon” on our actual relationship. The line itself establishes a lot; the first name usage (canon isn’t super clear on why he goes by Shiro, even with the other people he’s closest with (Keith, Sam, Matt), or its relationship to his Japanese heritage (which is significant here whether or not producer LM would agree), but to this point I’m the ONLY person in canon who ever addresses him by first name) as well as the general phrasing makes this the most obvious statement that we’re in a relationship. That’s arguably good, considering canon does little else to show it.

The significance in the CONVERSATION, however, is to position this as a choice - your dreams, or your partner. It’s actually the biggest reason I hate people siding with me in this argument! That’s not a good thing to ask someone you love to choose. More on support in a second, though, as well as more about what I’m asking for here.

[animation note: let’s talk about my coffee here. the hand shake and slamming down my cup is definitively the most show of emotion I have here, which IS significant. that line + the choice presented AREN’T coming from a place of deliberate manipulation, it’s emotionally charged despite me trying my best not to show it.]

“Every mission, every drill, I’ve been right there with you. But this is more than a mission. This is your life at stake.” here’s the support bit, obviously, since that’s what I’m evidencing here - reminding him that I’ve always been by his side and supported his dreams. that’s not actually the important thing going on here, though, because it’s the end where he cuts in:

“Don’t start that again, Adam! You don’t need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself.” First: again - we’ve had this discussion before. Second, the timing: it’s not until I bring up the risk again that he gets upset.

A relevant concept here that I think most people in the fandom genuinely will not have heard about but is TREMENDOUSLY important to this conversation and to understanding what’s happening in this argument is dignity of risk. The article linked is a good overview, but in short: many things can only be gained or achieved by taking chances of getting hurt, and disabled individuals (originally those with cognitive and intellectual disabilities, but certainly applicable to physical disabilities as well) are disproportionately PREVENTED by overly-cautious caretakers from taking those chances.

Shiro’s objection that I don’t need to protect him, I think, points really strongly to THIS being the actual issue. I’m trying to look out for his safety because I don’t believe he can or will do it himself (which I DID think, at the time); he feels smothered by this because he’s an adult who has the ability to assess risks for himself and decide which ones are worth it to him to take.

“There’s nothing left for you to prove. You’ve broken every record there is to break.” This is significant in that it shows I think how highly I regard him, but I also think it’s the strongest textual evidence in the scene that we’re talking about COMPLETELY different things - that I fundamentally don’t understand what’s important to him about this mission OR why he’s upset that I’m trying to stop him.

[animation note: he’s stopped arguing, gesturing, or looking at me here, and doesn’t look up again until I reinforce the ultimatum in the next line.]

“I know I can’t stop you, but I won’t go through this again. So if you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.” I feel like “I won’t go through this again” is another line that people sympathize with, which makes sense; I’m afraid and wounded, and people sympathize with fear and hurt. It reiterates the cyclical nature of this argument, too. It’s also still bringing back the choice: stop taking chances on things that matter to you, unless I’m not one of them.

[animation note: shiro looks both hurt and angry and doesn’t take his eyes off me the whole time i’m saying this, but doesn’t say anything. I also only look at him once during it, at the very end.]

“I’ve got a class to teach.” probably obvious without additional analysis, but in addition to an emotional reaction, this puts an absolute hard stop to anything else he might say in response.

having gone over the scene, some additional considerations:

I think a lot of people latch on REALLY hard to “this is your life” and shiro’s later “it’s getting worse” line and somehow conflate the two into an implication that this is about a lack of TIME. It is, I think - but NOT the way people assume.

Prognosis now, in the 21st century, is for a good percentage people with even severe forms of MD to live high quality, enjoyable lives into their 30s and 40s or later; even without a curative treatment, it’s reasonable to assume that in the 24th century this has improved. Given Shiro’s current overall health still being good, with the primary effects we see being localized to just the one side, it seems a little odd to assume that 30s-40s is still his life expectancy.

My lines about the risk to his life also don’t actually discuss an imminency of death in GENERAL - it’s SPECIFICALLY risky to go on the mission. why? well, most likely, because a minimum of 10 months is an AWFULLY long time for someone with a serious progressive condition to go without medical care or a checkup. which is a reasonable thing to be concerned about!

but we also have textual evidence that shiro’s GOOD at being responsible and taking care of himself, even if he sometimes sacrifices his needs for others’. he wears his assistive/medical devices. he keeps a workout routine. he can push himself hard, but we also see places where he knows his limits. and the majority of interventions for MD are about upkeep - building stamina, range of motion exercises, monitoring condition - and having the right tools on hand for an emergency. so, at what point does the concern become about not trusting him to take care of himself well, especially when the kerberos mission was in regular contact with the garrison?

and the flip side of the coin about time: with a progressive disease, there IS always a looming time limit, on everything. that included his dreams. our time together wasn’t limited the way people seem to assume - but his time as a pilot was. so having more perspective now, I can see his side better, and find myself frustrated both with myself from before, and with the people who agree with me. it feels dismissive to his wants and needs, as WELL as his right to self-determination.

i don’t think takashi abandoned me when he went to kerberos. i think i abandoned him, when he badly needed my support, by forcing him to choose between someone he loved waiting for him, and a dream which was running out of time. i know it’s popular to joke about what happened and that i’d say “i told you so,” but he was right, and I should have listened better.

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theculturedmarxist · 3 years

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Yves here. Reader IM Doc, an internal medicine practitioner of 30 years, trained and worked in one of the top teaching hospitals in the US for most of his career before moving to a rural hospital in an affluent pocket of Flyover. He has been giving commentary from the front lines of the pandemic. Along with current and former colleagues, he is troubled by the PR-flier-level information presented to the public about the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines, at least prior to the release of an article in the New England Journal of Medicine on the Pfizer vaccine: Safety and Efficacy of the BNT162b2 mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine. However, he did not find the study to be reassuring. He has taken the trouble of writing up his reservations after discussing the article with his group of nine physicians that meets regularly to sanity check concerns and discuss the impact that articles will have on their practices.

By IM Doc, a internal medicine doctor working in a rural hospital in the heartlands

Right off the bat – I am as weary and concerned about this pandemic as anyone. What my little rural area has been through in the past three weeks or so has been nothing short of harrowing. This virus has the ability to render patients about as sick as I have ever seen in my life, while leaving more than half the population with minimal if any symptoms. The patients who are sick are often very sick. And instead of slow and steady improvement like we normally experience, most of these patients are assigned to a long and hard slog. Multiple complications arise. This leads to very diminished throughput in the hospital. The patients literally stack up and we have nowhere to put the new ones coming in who themselves will be there for days or weeks. On top of that are the constant donning and doffing of PPE and intense emotional experiences for the staff, who are themselves becoming patients or in this small town have grandma or Aunt Gertrude as a patient.

To put it bluntly, I want this pandemic over. And now. But I do not want an equal or even worse problem added onto the tragedy. And that is my greatest fear right now. And medical history has demonstrated conclusively over and over again: brash, poorly-thought-out, emotion-laden decisions regarding interventions in a time of crisis can exponentially increase the scale of pain and lead to even worse disasters.

I am not an anti-vaxxer. I have given tens of thousands of safe and tested vaccines over my lifetime. I am very familiar with side effects and safety problems associated with all of them. That is why I can administer them with confidence. I am also an optimist, so all of the cautions I discuss below are the result of experience and the information made public about the Pfizer vaccine, not a temperamental predisposition to see the glass as half empty.

I know this piece is long, but I wanted to completely dissect the landmark New England Journal of Medicine (from now on NEJM) publication of the first Pfizer vaccine paper. I am replicating the method of my mentor in Internal Medicine, a tall figure in 20th Century medicine. He was an internationally recognized authority and his name is on one of the foundational textbooks in his specialty. He was a master and he taught me very well, including the fundamentals of scientific inquiry and philosophy, telltale signs of sloppy or dishonest work, the order in which you should dissect someone’s work, and the statistics involved.

When I have a new medical student doing rotations with me, I give them a collection of reading. At the very top is Drug Companies & Doctors: A Story of Corruption from the New York Review of Books in 2009 by Marcia Angell, MD. She was the editor-in-chief of the NEJM, the very journal that published this Pfizer vaccine paper.

Dr. Angell’s article is the Cliffs Notes version of much longer discussions she had about corruption, corporatism, managerialism, profiteering, greed, and deception in in the medical profession. Patient care and patient concerns and indeed patient lives in her mind have been absolutely overcome by all of these other things. It is a landmark paper, and should be read by anyone who is going to interact with the medical community, because alas, this is the way it is now. I view this paper the exact same way I view Eisenhower’s speech about the military industrial complex. What she said is exactly true, and has only become orders of magnitude worse since 2009.

And now the paper.

Unfortunately, this study from Pfizer in the latest NEJM, and indeed this whole vaccine rollout, are case studies in the pathology Agnell described. There are more red flags in this paper and related events than present on any May Day in downtown Beijing. Yet all anyone hears from our media, our medical elites, and our politicians are loud hosannas and complete unquestioning acceptance of this new technique. And lately, ridicule and spite for anyone who dares to raise questions.

I have learned over thirty years as a primary care provider that Big Pharma deserves nothing from me but complete and total skepticism and the assumption that anything they put forth is pure deception until proven otherwise. Why so harsh? Well, to put it bluntly, Big Pharma has covered my psyche with 30 years of scars:

• As a very young doctor, I treated an extraordinary middle-aged woman who had contracted polio as a toddler from a poorly tested polio vaccine rolled out in an “emergency.” Tens of thousands of American kids shared her fate1 • The eight patients I took care of until they died from congestive heart failure that had been induced by a diabetes drug called Actos. The drug company knew full well heart failure was a risk during their trials. When it became obvious after the rollout, they did everything they could to obfuscate. Actos now carries a black box warning about increased risk of heart failure • The three women who I took care of who had been made widows as their husbands died of completely unexpected heart attacks while on Vioxx. I have no proof the Vioxx did this. But when Vioxx was finally removed from the market, the mortality rate in the US fell that year by a measurable amount, inconsistent with recent trends and forecasts. Merck knew from their trials that Vioxx had a significant risk of cardiovascular events and stroke, and did absolutely nothing to relay that danger in any way. Worse, they did everything they could to muddle information and evade responsibility once the truth started to come out • The dozens upon dozens of twenty and thirty-something patients who have been rendered emotional and spiritual zombies by the SSRIs, antipsychotics and amphetamines they have been taking since childhood. Their brain never learned what emotions were, much less how to process them and we are left with empty husks where people never developed. The SSRIs and antipsychotics were NEVER approved for anyone under 18. EVER. While there are some validated uses for stimulants in children, they are obviously overprescribed, as confirmed by long-standing media reports of their routine use as a study/performance aid. It is all about the lucre. • The hundreds and hundreds of 40-60 year olds who have been hollowed out from the legal prescribing of opioids. All the while the docs were resisting this assault, the drug companies and the paid-off academics and medical elites were changing the rules to make physicians who did not treat any pain at all with opiates into evil Satan-worshippers. And they paid for media appearances to drive across the point: OPIATES ARE GOOD. WE HAVE MADE THEM SO YOU CANNOT GET ADDICTED. And here we are now with entire states taking more opioids than in the waning days of the Chinese Empire, and we all know how that story ended. All this misery so a family of billionaires can laugh its way to the bank.

I carry all these people and more with me daily. I would not be doing a service to their memory if I allowed myself to be duped into writing another blind prescription that was going to add yet another scar.

I will dissect the important parts of this paper exactly as my mentor described above taught me. He performed years of seminal research. He was a nationally-known expert in his field.

In medicine, especially in top-tier journals like NEJM, landmark papers are always accompanied by an editorial. These editorials are written by a national expert who almost always has “peer-reviewed” the source material as well. This is how the reader knows that an expert in the field has looked over the source material and that it supports the conclusions in the paper. My mentor did this all the time. The binders all over his office were the actual underlying data that he scrutinized to confirm the findings. There is no way on earth to print and publish the voluminous source material. Editorial review was one sure way all to assure that someone independent, with appropriate experience, confirmed the findings. This was onerous work, but he and thousands of others did it because this is the very essence of science. He was scrupulous in his editorials about findings, problems, and conclusions. It was after all his reputation as well.

My first lesson from him: READ THE EDITORIAL FIRST. It gets the problems in your head before you read the statistics and methods, etc. in the actual paper. It gives you the context of the study in history. It often includes a vigorous discussion of why the study is important.

Admittedly, over the past generation, as the corporatism and dollar-counting has taken over my profession and its ethics, this function of editorial authoring has become at times increasingly bizarre and too-obviously predisposed to conclude with glad tidings of joy, especially if pharmaceuticals are involved.

So I read the editorial first. You can find it on the NEJM webpage, in the top right corner.

And, amazingly, it is basically a recitation of the same whiz-bang Pfizer puffery that we have all been reading for the past few weeks. There really is not much new. Furthermore, it is filled with words like “triumph” and “dramatic success”. Those accolades have yet to be earned. This vaccine has not yet even been released. Surely, “triumph” is a bit premature. Those words would NEVER have been used by my mentor or similar researchers in his generation. They would have been focused on the good, the bad and the ugly. A generation ago, editorial reviewers saw their job as informing the reader and making certain the clinicians that were reading knew of any limitations or problems.

In quite frankly unprecedented fashion, two different events that were carefully reported occurred almost simultaneously with the release of both the paper and the editorial. Both of these events contradict and contravene data and conclusions reported in both the paper and the editorial and I believe they deserve immediate attention. They both belie the assertions of the editorial writers that [emphasis mine] “the (safety) pattern appears to be similar to that of other viral vaccines and does not arouse specific concern”.

First, a critical issue for any clinician is “exclusion criteria”. This refers in general to groups of subjects that were not allowed into the trial prima facie. Common examples would include over 70, patients on chemotherapy and other immunosuppressed patients, children, diabetics, etc.. This issue is important because I do not want to give my patient this vaccine (available apparently next week) to any patient that is in an excluded group. Those patients really ought to wait until more information is available – FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY. And not to mention, exclusion criteria exist because the subjects in them are usually considered more vulnerable to mayhem than average subjects. From my reading of this paper, and the accompanying editorial, one would assume there were no exclusion criteria. They certainly are never mentioned.

I reiterate, the paper is silent on this question of exclusion criteria, as is the editorial. Had my mentor seen something like “exclusion criteria” in the source material, and realized that it was not in the final paper, he would have absolutely included a notice in his editorial. This would have been after calling the principal investigator and directly questioning why there was no mention in the original paper. Patient safety should be foremost on everyone’s mind at all times in clinical research and its presentation to practitioners.

And now we know there were exclusion criteria, not because of anything Pfizer, the investigators, or the NEJM did but because of stunning news out of the UK. UPDATE: I will address this at greater length, but an alert reader did find the study protocol, which were not referenced in any way that any of the nine members in my review group could find, nor were they mentioned in the text of paper or editorial, as one would expect for a medication intended for the public at large. I apologize for the oversight, but this information was not easy to find from the article, not mentioned or linked to from the text of the article, the text of the editorial, in the “Figures/Media,” or in a supplemental document.

In the UK on day 1 of the rollout, two nurses with severe allergies experienced anaphylaxis, a life-threatening reaction to this vaccine. Only after world-wide coverage did Pfizer admit that there was an exclusion criterion for severe allergies in their study.

Ummm, Pfizer, since we are now getting ready to give this to possibly millions of people in the next few weeks – ARE THERE ANY OTHER EXCLUSION CRITERIA? Should I, as a physician, specifically not be giving this to patients with conditions that you have excluded?

Furthermore, NEJM, since you published this trial, have you bothered to at least put a correction on this trial on your website that it should NOT be given to people with severe allergies? I certainly see nothing like this.

Should someone from the NEJM or the FDA be all over Pfizer to ascertain the existence of other exclusion groups so we do not accidentally harm or kill someone over the next two weeks?

Unfortunately, Americans, you have your answer from the FDA about severe allergic reactions right from a press conference in which Dr. Peter Marks, the director of FDA’s Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research is quoted as saying:

Even people who’ve had a severe allergic reaction to food or to something in the environment in the past should be OK to get the shot….1.6% of the population has had a severe allergic reaction to a food or something in the environment. We would really not like to have that many people not be able to receive the vaccine.

Are you serious? Dr. Marks, have you ever seen an anaphylactic reaction? I live in a very rural area. Many patients live 30 minutes or more from the hospital. What if one of them had an anaphylactic reaction to this vaccine hours after administration, had no epi-pen and had to travel a half hour to get to the nearest hospital? There is a very high likelihood that a good outcome would not occur. Sometimes, as a physician, I simply cannot believe what I am hearing out of the mouths of our so-called medical leaders.

To the writers of the editorial accompanying this research:

Did you actually look at the source material? The existence of at least one exclusion criterion for severe allergic reactions had to be in there somewhere. If you did look at the source material, are there others that the physicians of America need to know about? If they were not in the source material, after the events in the UK, has anyone bothered to follow up with Pfizer about this omission?

Does anyone at NEJM or Pfizer or FDA plan to fully inform the physicians of America? Does ANYONE at NEJM or Pfizer or FDA care about patient safety?

Now for the second story that got my attention this week, an article from JAMA Internal Medicine, a subsidiary of JAMA, The Journal of the American Medical Association.

JAMA, like NEJM, is one of America’s landmark medical journals. I will assure you that JAMA is not the National Enquirer. This piece was written by a nursing researcher. It is very likely she is well-versed in all aspects of American medical research.

In her story, she details her recruitment and her experience in the Pfizer COVID trial, the same one we are dissecting here. She describes in detail her experience with the vaccine and the fact that she is concerned that many patients are likely going to feel very sick after the injection. She wrote up her own reactions, and included a very troubling one. About 15 hours after her second injection, she developed a fever of 104.9. She explained that she called her reaction to the Research Nurse promptly the next morning. The recounted the response of the Research Nurse to her information as “A lot of people have reactions after the second injection. Keep monitoring your symptoms and call us if anything changes.”

Thankfully, it appears this nurse has completely recovered. From the best I can tell, this encounter occurred in late August and early September, putting it well within the trial’s recruitment of arms as detailed in the paper.

This JAMA article impinges directly on Figure 2 on page 7 of the paper, a graphic that that lays out all the major side effects during in the trial.

It is very important to note that based on the trial’s own data, conveniently laid out on the very top of the figure in green, blue, orange and red, a temperature of 104.9F or 40.5 C is described as a Grade 4 event. The definition of a Grade 4 event is anything that is life-threatening or disabling. A fever of 104.9 can have grave consequences for any adult and is absolutely a Grade 4 event.

By law, a grade 4 event must immediately be reported to the FDA, and to the Institutional Review Board (the entity charged with overseeing the safety of the subjects) and to the original investigators. THERE IS NO EXCEPTION. One would think that would also be reported in the research paper to at least alert clinicians to be on the lookout.

I could not find any mention of this event in the text of the paper. NOT ONE. Let’s take a closer look at Figure 2 on page 7 where adverse events are reported in a table form. Please note: this is a very busy image, and in the browser version, with very low resolution graphics that are profoundly difficult to read (they are a bit clearer if you download the PDF). This is a time-tested pharmaceutical company tactic to obscure findings that they do not want you to see. My mentor warned me about ruses like these years ago, and finding one raises the possibility that deception is in play.

The area for the reporting of this Grade 4 reaction would be on the 2nd row down at the left of the set called B, titled systemic events and use of medication. The area of concern would be where the graph is marked with the number 16. Do you see a red line there? It would be at the very top. I have blown this up 4 times on my computer and see no red there. I am left to assume that this Grade 4 “Life Threatening or Disabling” event that was clearly within the time parameters of this trial was not reported in this study.

To those who say that I am making way too much out of one patient with a severe fever, let’s do a little math. There are 37,706 participants in the “Main Safety Population” (from Table 1), of which 18.860 received the vaccine.2 Let us assume that this individual was the only one that had a GRADE 4 reaction. Let us also assume that the end goal is to vaccinate every American a total of 330,000,000 people. So if we extrapolate this 1 out of 18,860 into all 330,000,000 of us, it suggest that roughly 17,500 could have this kind of fever. Now assume a 70% vaccination rate, and you get that would be approximately 12,250. I hope you now understand that in clinical medicine related to trials like this – a whole lot of nothing can turn into a whole lot of something quickly when you extrapolate to the entire targeted group. Does anyone not think that the clinicians of America should be prepared for anything like this that may be coming?

A couple more questions for NEJM and the editorial writers:

Were you ever made aware that this Grade 4 reaction occurred? Now that we have a reliable report that it occurred, has there been any attempt to investigate?

Did the Research Nurse actually report this event? If not, was she just simply not trained or was there deliberate efforts to conceal such reactions? How many more reactions were reported anywhere this trial was conducted and that did not make it to the FDA, the IRB or possibly the investigators? Is that not a cause for concern?

As if this is not enough, there is so much more wrong with this editorial. Now we are going to talk about corruption.

I want to reiterate my concern that over the past generation, as my profession has lost its way, its medical journals have turned into cheering sections for Big Pharma rather than referees and safety monitors. We all should relish the great things medical science is doing, but we should be doing EVERYTHING we can to minimize injury and death. Too often our journals have become enablers of Big Pharma deceiving our physicians and the public. Unfortunately, this paper and its editorial look troublingly like a case study of this development.

To provide context, I looked over the last month of the NEJM, the issues from November 12, 19 and 26th and December 3rd. Based on having read the NEJM over the years, I believe these four weeks are representative.

During this period, there were 15 original articles published in the fields of Oncology, General Surgery, Infectious Disease, Endocrinology, Renal, Cardiology, Pulmonary and Ear Nose & Throat. Of these 15 articles, the editors thought that eight were important enough to have an editorial from an acknowledged expert. I have read every one of these studies and the editorials as I do every week. All eight in the past month were indeed by leading experts in the field of the underlying studies. They included a COVID vaccine overview reviewed by an leading figure in vaccinology, and two COVID papers about Plaquenil and other approaches discussed by top infectious disease experts.

It was unlikely that those papers were going to get national media attention. All medical stuff.

But here we have our Pfizer vaccine paper. We have 300,000 fatalities in the USA alone and millions of cases. We have whacked our economy, we are in the depths of a national emergency. And we have a paper, the first, that may offer a glimpse of hope. Certainly this would be a landmark paper, and certainly it was treated in that manner? Right?

One would think that the doctors of America would have this study explained to them by a world-known vaccinologist? NOPE…..Maybe a virologist? NOPE….. Maybe a leading government official? Dr. Fauci? Dr. Birx? Dr. Osterholm? NOPE…..Maybe an expert in coronaviruses? NOPE…

We get the Pfizer ad glossy editorial treatment from Eric Rubin MD, the editor-in-chief of the NEJM. And Dr, Longo, an associate editor. Dr. Longo is an oncologist. Dr. Rubin is at least a recognized infectious disease doctor, but his specialty based on my Google search is mycobacterium, not virology. Again, one would normally anticipate for a paper of this importance, the editorial would be from someone with directly on point expertise.

Why would this fact been important to my mentor? (and I had the privilege of hearing him trash a paper in an open forum about a very similar issue, a paper introducing a drug to the world that later was the disaster of the decade, Vioxx) Why is this important to me and all the other physicians in my review group here in flyover country yesterday?

Because the choice of authorship of the editorial leads you to one of only several conclusions:

• Pfizer would not release the source data because of proprietary corporate concerns and no self-respecting expert would review without it • Pfizer knew there are problems and did not want anyone with expertise to find out and publicize them • The editors could not find a real expert willing to put their name on a discussion • Drs. Rubin and Longo are on some kind of journey to Vanity Fair and wanted their names on an “article for the ages” • This is a rush job, and no one had time to do anything properly, and so we just threw it all together in a flash

Readers, pick your poison. If anyone can think of a sound reason, please let me know. I am all ears.

But let’s open up the can of worms a bit more. Pfizer supports NEJM. Just a brief swipe through of recent editions yielded several Pfizer ads. A Pfizer ad appeared on my NEJM website this AM. I do not know how much they pay in advertising but appears to be quite a bit.

Americans, have we devolved so far in our grift that it is now appropriate for the EDITOR-IN-CHIEF of our landmark medical journal to be personally authoring “rah rah” editorials about a product of a client that supports his journal with ad dollars? And he has the gall to not present this conflict on his disclosure form? Really? Am I the only one worried about this type of thing?

Now we travel from the can of worms to the sewer. And this impacts every single one of us. I want you to Google the names of the people on the FDA committee that voted 17-4-1 two days ago to proceed with the Emergency Use Declaration. Go ahead – Google it. On that list, you will find the name Eric Rubin, MD. Why yes indeed, that is the very same Eric Rubin MD who wrote this editorial. Who is the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM. A publication that certainly takes ad dollars from Pfizer. And he was one of the 17 to vote for the Pfizer product to be immediately used in an emergency fashion. Oh yes, oh yes he was.

Am I the only one who can recognize that Pfizer and other pharma companies may have some influence on Dr. Rubin thanks continued support of his employer, the NEJM? Am I the only one concerned that Dr. Rubin’s “rah rah” editorial may have been influenced by Pfizer? Is anyone else troubled that the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM, supported by Big Pharma advertising dollars, is sitting on an FDA board to decide the fate of any pharmaceutical product? Is this not the very definition of corruption? Or at least a severe conflict of interest? I strongly suspect that a thorough evaluation of members of that committee will reveal other problems. As my grandmother always used to say, “There is never just one roach under a refrigerator.”

I looked in vain all day today for media discussions of conflicts of interest with Dr. Rubin or anyone else in a position of authority. I found nothing.

What I did find was the Boston NPR affiliate WBUR discussing Dr. Rubin’s Yes vote. You can listen yourself:

This interview left me much more concerned about Dr. Rubin’s role and what exactly he read in the raw data from Pfizer. In this interview, he admits that he as an FDA advisory member has seen no data from the Moderna trial coming up for a vote this week:

These two vaccines are fairly similar to one another, so I am hoping the data will look good, but we haven’t seen the data yet, so I reserve judgement.

Excuse me, but should not the members already have the data and be mulling over it to ask intelligent questions?

These statements left me more worried about the issues I have already brought up with the Pfizer vaccine:

We don’t know if there are particular groups that should or should not get the vaccine…We do not know what will happen to safety over the longer term.

When finally asked specifically about the UK allergic reactions and if they came up in the FDA meeting (emphasis mine):

It did come up and this was a bit of a surprise because in the trial, that trial was limited to specific kinds of participants, there were apparently no incidents like that, nevertheless this suggests it is something we are going to have to look out for.

There is absolutely not a word in the published data to suggest there was a limit to SPECIFIC PARTICIPANTS – what on earth is he talking about? Are there limited specific kinds of patients that we as physicians should be looking to vaccinate?

In a fine finish, toward the end of the interview Dr. Rubin states he is a bit relieved that low risk patients will be getting the vaccine later after we know more about the side effects with the first patients. I am really not trying to be a jerk – but are you kidding me? I thought this vaccine was a triumph with minimal side effects.

Dr. Rubin, kind sir, I really feel that you owe a clarification about your statements in the WBUR interview to the patients and caregivers of America. We are the ones with lives on the line.

First, I have the privilege of sitting on an Institutional Review Board (an independent entity that protects patient safety) and I know something about Grade 4 side effects. Just for 1 Grade 4 side effect in one subject, the accompanying documentation would often be a half a ream of paper. Because I agreed to do that job, it was my obligation to look through that documentation. That half a ream was for one side effect in one trial. Yet, you state unequivocally in this interview, that you, as a sitting member of the FDA committee that oversees the safety of the nation in this affair, have not seen any of the Moderna documentation for that upcoming meeting this week.

For readers to fully understand what I am saying, this Moderna documentation is going to be reams and reams of documents that need to be evaluated carefully to ask the right questions. And you have not yet studied this? For a meeting in just a few days? I find this deeply troubling. Your statements create the appearance the committee you are sitting on is nothing more than a rubber stamp for a decision that has already been made. This would be an absolute tragedy.

Second, Dr. Rubin, you in your position as the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM and the editorial writer for this research, may be one of the few people on earth that have seen the original Pfizer research. Despite calling this a triumph, you state in the interview that you are relieved that younger people less likely to get the vaccine early so you will have time to wait to see if complications develop in the first patients. You have stated, despite your assertion in the editorial that the side effects were consistent with other vaccines, that “we don’t know if there are particular groups that should or should not get the vaccine”. Have you seen something in that “triumph” research that is concerning enough to you to make such statements? As a physician, I would really like a clarification on this statement, given that the shots are already rolling out today.

Now that we are past the editorial, a few words about the nuts and bolts of the paper.

I look for very specific red flags – usually making the data difficult to interpret. This study did not disappoint.

On page 5, in Table 1, the Demographic Description of the participants, go down to the AGE GROUP area. Note it is divided into only two cohorts 16-55 and >55. This is a real problem. My mentor said an honest paper should never deploy such a tactic.

You see, more than half of my patients are over 70. Why is this kind of obfuscation a real problem for my ability to trust the vaccine? Well, the intro papers to many pharmaceuticals that have gone down the drain in recent years have used this very same device. It is their way of hiding the fact that they did not put many older patients in the trial, certainly not representative of the population, and certainly not representative of who is seemingly going to get this vaccine in the first round. Do I know that 90% of the >55 group is actually between 55-58? I don’t. How hard would it be for them to do a breakdown in decades? 16-25 26-35 36-45 46-55 56-65 66-75 76-85? We have lots of computers in this country and the population breakdown is done this way on studies I read all the time. Why not do provide this information on a study that is this critically important, particularly one where elderly patients will be near the head of the line?

What are they trying to do here? Unfortunately, too often drugmakers resort to this practice to hide their failure to test their drug on the elderly to an appropriate or safe degree, knowing there would likely be lots of problems. Because of their past behavior, I ALWAYS assume this is true until proven otherwise and act accordingly with my elderly patients.

That is the world these companies have made for themselves.

Now for the tables on pages 6 and 7 about immediate side effects.

Just a brief look shows that local soreness and tenderness is very common, up to 75% with this vaccine. That is a bit high, but not that far out of range from my experience with other vaccines.

The tables on page 7 are the whoppers.

Headaches, fatigue, chills, muscle pain and joint pain appear to be very common, way more common than other vaccines I am used to, as in an order of magnitude higher. It is very clear from this table that about half the patients, especially the younger ones, are going to feel bad after this vaccine. That is extraordinary.

We are told nothing about how long these symptoms last or the amount of time at work lost. The “minimal side effects comparable with other viral vaccines” in the editorial and press releases is just not consistent at all with my experience of 30 years as a primary care physician. There was universal agreement with this assessment among my MD colleagues. They had great concern about this as a matter of fact: great concern that it will cause bad publicity and decrease administration and great concern that given this already high side effect profile, it may be much worse when it gets out to the public.

Given the fact that this virus is largely asymptomatic in more than half the people infected, what exactly are we doing here?

Furthermore, unlike other pharmaceutical papers that try to explain variances in symptoms like this, there is not a word offered about possible underlying causes of these outcomes.

The numbers of COVID cases in the placebo group vs the vaccine group have been widely publicized, from 162 cases in the placebo group down to 8 in the vaccine group, giving a relative reduction of 95%. It seemed to all of us in our review group that we do not have nearly enough patients to really make assessments. That is not a criticism. The researchers have done admirably in my opinion to get this many patients this quickly. That is still the problem: they are going to be using the first million patients or so in the general public to get a real gauge on numbers and side effects.

Another issue of grave concern to us all on Friday was the asymptomatic cases. The only subjects counted in the 162 and the 8 numbers above were patients with symptoms. Who knows how many in each cohort were asymptomatic.

This to me leads to the most important question of all, and it was again completely untouched….. How many asymptomatic patients are there? And how many who were vaccinated are still able to spread the virus? Not even an attempt to answer that question. This is critical, and is one of the ways a vaccine can backfire. If a vaccine does not provide sterilizing immunity, ie stop transmission, it is of limited use for disease control. It is great for the individual, but if they can remain without symptoms and still spread it all around it does not help from a public health standpoint.

I have described my concerns and red flags about this study. I would like to add one more thing. Pharmaceuticals that go bad rarely do so in the first few weeks or months. Rather, the adverse effects take months or years. It is a known unknown of not just vaccines but any kind of drug. Our pharma companies have become notorious for having inklings or indeed full knowledge that there is a problem early on, and saying nothing until many are maimed or killed. I will assume that this is the case in this class of drugs until proven otherwise. They are such deceivers I have no choice.

Due to sense of urgency my colleagues and Ifeel about this vaccine rollout, we had an ad hoc meeting of our Journal Club to discuss the NEJM article. Of the nine physicians at the meeting, three have already had very mild cases of COVID. Of the nine, only one is enthusiastic about these vaccines. I have a wait and see stance. I will not be taking it myself. I have too many scars, too many staring at me from the grave to take any other approach.

My patients’ feeeback on the COVID vaccine has been very different than the polls finding that 60% are ready to take it. About half my patients are in the professional/managerial classes and feature a higher level of the 0.1% than the US overall. They tend to be more blue. Most prefer to wait and thankful that health care workers were getting it first. The other half who are working class, more red, and they feel the whole thing is a hoax. They will not be getting the vaccine – likely ever.

The only enthusiasts I would call elderly Rachel Maddow fans. That really makes no sense to me at all since Operation Warp Speed was a Trump project and even Kamala Harris said she would not take a vaccine that Trump recommended.

I would say AT BEST 25% of my patients will be getting this vaccine shortly after being available. There is widespread skepticism that is not being acknowledged by our media. The pharmaceutical industry has worked tirelessly to earn every bit of that disrespect.

Please look at Dr. Angell’s seminal article from 2009. She predicted in her works, all of this and more. My profession has been captured by a cabal of corporatist MBA clones, rapacious and unethical pharmaceutical entities, and an academic elite addicted to credentialism and cronyism. They have over the years bought off and infiltrated all of our government health care regulating agencies and our public health system. And they are completely incestuous. I believe where we are now to be worse than Dr. Angell could have ever dreamed. Even more depressing, I see no way out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 As a special homage to the polio patient described above, a truly exceptional woman, let me underscore that the disastrous rollout of the this polio vaccine came at a time similar to ours. Panic and malaise were in the air. The children of America and the world were being stricken with polio at an alarming rate. Dr. Alton Ochsner, a leading figure in medicine of the day, vaccinated both of his grandchildren in public in an attempt to bolster confidence in the vaccines. Within 8 days his grandson was dead of bulbar polio. All the celebrities and politicians lining up to take this vaccine on national TV should remember this tragedy. “Stupid human tricks” like this have no place in this kind of situation, and can backfire in unexpected ways. Unlike that era’s polio vaccine, there is no way on earth this vaccine can transmit COVID. However, there are those of us in the medical profession who treat the plan to make population-wide use of messenger RNA, which before these trials had been repeatedly investigated but never reached the human trial stage save in a small scale Zika vaccine study. This is no time for machismo. This is also no time for anything less than complete transparency on the part of everyone involved in the quest for safe and effective vaccines. To behave in any other way is an affront to patients like mine who have suffered and died in the past.

2 If you read the paper, you might well have wondered about that 18,860 number and even checked Table 1 to make sure it’s accurate (it is), since the third paragraph of the Abstract, under the headline “Results,” has very different figures:

A total of 43,548 participants underwent randomization, of whom 43,448 received injections: 21,720 with BNT162b2 and 21,728 with placebo.

So how did the researchers get from 21,720 injected with the vaccine to the 18,860 in the “Main Safety Population”? This sort of thing confirms the impression that this is a very incomplete or sloppy study. It is really not clear where the difference between the 37,706 and the 43,548, or for that matter, the 36,520 total subjects in the Tables 2 and 3 (Efficacy) come from. I used the 37,706 and hence the 18,860 that went with it from Table because it gave slightly smaller numbers than using the Table 2 and 3 figures, but they would be close to each other.

My concern here is the 6000ish discrepancy between the figures in the main text compared to the tables. Were they excluded? If so, why? I could not make heads or tails out of this, and accordingly kept it out of the body of this post. This kind of inconsistency really needs to be hashed out with the actual source data in hand, and should have been explained in the article, even if just in footnotes.

#covid19 #covid #the rona #la rona #covid-19 #covid vaccine #fuck covid #coronavirus #medecine #health #medical pharmaceuticals #pharmaceutical industry #big pharma #pfizer #vaccine rollout #operation warp speed

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billehrman · 3 years

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Build Back Better

President Biden introduced the first of his two multi-trillion-dollar, demand-focused stimulus bills this week. Both plans reflect the Democratic agenda as it goes far beyond pure infrastructure spending to include a social agenda too. It is important to note that these programs would be spent over ten years while financed over 15 years. These stimulus plans, if passed, would boost growth beyond what we already are experiencing, a supercharged recovery. We are doubtful that either bill will be passed as-is, nor will they matter much in 2021 at all. However, the market is a discounting mechanism, therefore we need to factor in what we believe will happen in our forecasts. We expect that the aggregate spending will be less than initially proposed and more focused on infrastructure and “building back better.” It will bring supply lines home. Most of the burden will show up as higher taxes on the wealthy plus a boost in the corporate tax rate closer to 25% (rather than 28%) to remain globally competitive. We do expect most individual and corporate tax loopholes to be closed and collections to increase meaningfully. None of this alters our view that 2021 and 2022 will be bang-up years economically, with corporate profits increasing over 50%. We continue to view the markets favorably boosted by huge amounts of excess liquidity, an accommodative Fed, and tons of fiscal stimulus.

Let’s begin with an update on the virus, as getting our arms around it is the key to the sustainability of the recovery both here and abroad. We are making significant progress domestically, with nearly 100 million people, or almost a third of the U.S. population, having received at least one dose. Nearly half of the U.S. states will have opened vaccinations to everyone 16 and older by the end of the week. That will rise to about three-quarters, or 35 states, by the end of next week. There will be enough vaccines available to vaccinate all Americans by the end of May. We learned last week that Pfizer’s vaccine was 100% effective in protecting children, which was great news that should permit schools to fully reopen in the fall. News overseas is not nearly as good here, but we remain optimistic that vaccinations will increase dramatically in the months ahead such that all could be vaccinated by year-end. This good news strengthens our conviction that this economic cycle will be sustainable well into 2023.

We are confident that all key monetary bodies: the BOJ, Bank of England, ECB, and Fed, will maintain overly accommodative stances well into 2022 even as the global economy picks up steam and inflationary pressures build. All will have to look past the expected near-term surge in inflation due to shortages, weather, supply line issues, and the drop-off of last year’s exceptionally low numbers. Yield curves will continue to steepen as the global economy picks up steam and the demand for funds increases which is all excellent news. We do, however, expect long-term inflation to stay contained due to global competitiveness, the surge in technology spending boosting productivity, and the continued increase in disruptors everywhere you look. On the other hand, we see a higher PPI as demand will outstrip supply in many industrial and agricultural commodities for a couple of years. In addition, we currently have shortages of semi-conductors, but that will end as companies have announced well over a hundred billion dollars in capacity additions beginning now with government support. On the other hand, it takes 5+ years to bring on new mines, and agricultural cycles last at least three years. The bottom line is that we think Powell will be right in his belief that the near-term surge in inflation will be transitory, and pressure will subside as we move later into the year well into 2022.

Let’s look at Biden’s $2.2 trillion “American Jobs Plan.” It includes $621 billion for transportation (ports, bridges, roads, public transport); $311 billion for utilities (water, broadband, and the power grid; $310 billion for buildings (lots of housing); $400 billion for caregiving infrastructure; and $580 billion for R&D, manufacturing, and training. If enacted in its entirety, it would add 0.5% net of tax drag to 2022 GNP and increase the deficit by about $140 billion (stimulative). Biden’s plan calls for raising taxes on the wealthy (over $400,000?) and higher corporate taxes close to $1.3 trillion over 15 years (rate from 21% to 28%, double the GILT to 21%, and a minimum tax at 15% of book income).

The second bill is for “human infrastructure” which could cost up to $2 trillion over ten years and is for free community college, universal preschool, childcare, paid leave, long-term care, and a prescription drug overhaul. It will be paid for from higher personal taxes, increasing capital gains, and lowering the estate tax exemption.

We expect a more focused infrastructure bill with less of a social agenda to be passed this year, close to $2.0 trillion with higher individual taxes on the wealthy and a hike in the corporate rate to around 25% to keep us competitive globally. Yellen mentioned phasing in the corporate tax hikes over a couple of years to minimize the near-term negative impact on the economy. Any plan where new spending is much more than new taxes is highly stimulative and will boost growth above what otherwise would have been.

Recent economic data continues to improve dramatically: the U.S added 916,000 jobs in March that was broad-based; the unemployment rate fell to 6%; U-6 declined to 10.7%; the average workweek increased; hourly earnings fell 0.1%; chain store sales increased 9.8%; home prices rose 11.2% year over year; consumer confidence surged to 109.7, a multiyear high; expectations index jumped to 109.6 from 90.9 last month; the Chicago PMI surged to 66.3, the best level in 3 years; the HIS Markit Manufacturing PMI hit 58.6, near a six-year peak and the I/S ratio continues to fall to new all-time lows. These numbers are off the charts, especially if you consider February weather and supply line issues. Also most of the stimulus money has not been spent, and we are still in the midst of the pandemic. Just imagine how strong the recovery will be as we put the virus behind us only to fill pent-up demand supported by all the excess liquidity in the system.

Growth in the U.K and the Eurozone has surprisingly improved over the last month despite the rise in cases in some areas: the U.K Markit Purchasing Managers Index rose to 58.9 in March, a decade high; the German final PMI hit 66.6; the French PMI increased to 59.3 and the Eurozone March final manufacturing PMI jumped to 62.5. China’s factory activity rose to 51.9, above estimates, and the non-manufacturing PMI rebounded to 56.3. We are confident that this expansion will be global as we put the virus behind us, lifting all boats for the first time in nearly five years.

Investment Conclusions

We have not changed our view that the recovery will be broad-based and supercharged both here and abroad, supported by overly accommodative monetary and fiscal policies. Everyone wants the economies to run hot after a dismal year that included heightened deflationary fears. We continue to emphasize companies leveraged to the economy as we have entered a period where production will outstrip consumption as inventories everywhere are way too low. Corporations have learned so much from the pandemic and will continue to control costs; invest heavily in technology to boost productivity; invest in high-return projects, and jettison weak businesses. The net result will be much higher operating margins, earnings, cash flow, and ROIC, which will lead to higher stock market valuations. Here is where firsthand research will pay off, as not all companies will be successful. This is our strength, as evidenced by 45+ years of significant outperformance.

Each of our investments each will benefit from the sustained economic recovery plus from Biden’s demand-focused stimulus bills, which support infrastructure, 5/6G wireless broadband, technology, transportation, and building back better. Our portfolios include industrial/capital goods/machinery companies; technology at a price; transportation; financials; industrial/ag commodities; and several unique situations. We would continue to avoid all bonds, except TIPS, and highfliers selling at huge multiples to sales, hoping for earnings 5 years out.

Our investment webinar will be held on Monday, April 5th, at 8:30, am EST. You can join by entering https://zoom.us/j/9179217852 in your browser or dialing +646 558 8656 and entering the password 9179217852.

Remember to review all the facts; pause, reflect and consider mindset shifts; look at your asset mix with risk controls; do independent research and …

Invest Accordingly!

Bill Ehrman

Paix et Prosperite LLC

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luciddeparture · 4 years

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Should you upgrade your brain?

When I was a kid I loved science fiction. My mind would race at the boundless possibilities of what might await humans in the future. I was enthralled by thoughts of futuristic utopias and dystopias. Back then the symbiosis of technology and man seemed to be a far fetched fiction. Now I am not so sure. I first heard about Neuralink back in 2017, just after it was first announced to the general public. I have been captivated by the idea ever since. The thought of putting a chip in a brain, merging man and machine, is dizzyingly exciting. But it also invites potentially terrifying repercussions. In reality it might just be the first of many upgrades to our species yet to come. Sound a bit like an episode of Black Mirror? Let’s break it down.

Neuralink was founded by tech entrepreneur Elon Musk, the co-founder of PayPal and founder of both Tesla (Electric cars) and Space-X (Aerospace). The goal of Neuralink is to “Create a high-band interface with the brain such that we can be symbiotic with AI”. Musk believes we currently have a bandwidth problem when communicating with technology, such as our phones. He gives the example that using our fingers to type is just too slow. What happens if we speed up the connection between ourselves and our devices? Musk thinks “It will enable anyone who wants to have super human cognition, to have it in theory”. So just how much smarter are we talking? If you look at the world through Musk’s eyes it’s simple. “How much smarter are you with a smartphone than without?”

Think about yourself and your own situation. How much in day to day life do you rely on your phone? I not only use it for internet access but rely on it for my calendar, directions and even note taking. When I leave my phone at home, I often feel like I am missing something. “If you can solve the data rate problem, you can improve the symbiosis that is already occurring between man and machine” Musk says. “Your phone is essentially an extension of you. You are already a cyborg - most people don’t realise that.”

So what exactly is the Neuralink device and how does it work? The Neuralink itself is a small, thin, circular device, approximately 3cm in diameter. A similar size to that of a coin. Attached to it are over 1000 electrodes (tiny wires) which are then placed into and throughout the users brain. Yes you read that right.

To place the electrodes throughout the brain, Neuralink has developed its own very precise robot to complete the operation. This is to ensure safety and remove the risk of any possible human error. Specifically, to make sure all veins and arteries are avoided when the electrodes are placed in the brain, thus not inducing any degree of trauma. “For version one of the device, it will basically be implanted in your skull” Musk says matter-of-factly. “Basically take out a chunk of skull, replace and put the Neuralink device in, place the electrodes threads in very carefully into the brain, before stitching it up”. The Neuralink device then replaces the previously removed piece of skull leaving only a little scar. It will have battery, bluetooth and an inductive charger so that it can stay charged and connect to your phone.

Worried you won’t like the Neuralink? It is able to be completely removed by the same robot! “You wouldn’t even know that somebody has it.”

At the start Neuralink will be expensive and reserved for medical use only, with the first few iterations aiming to solve brain injuries. “It can interface basically anywhere in your brain.” Musk further elaborates “In principle it will be able to fix anything that is wrong with the brain”, including the restoration of limb functionality, eyesight and hearing. Neuralink could be used to fix many different brain injuries including severe epilepsy - by counteracting the pulse inside the brain in real time. It can also be used to aid recovery from strokes and Alziemers - by restoring memories using electrodes to stimulate parts of the brain to renew functionality. The first tests on a human are predicted to begin within the next year, after successful animal testing on pigs has occurred.

Like everything, Neuralink will get cheaper and better with time. So as Neuralink gets cheaper, what might we be able to predict for the the first consumer version of this device? This is where things get really interesting.

It is strange to think that Steve Jobs first announced the iPhone back in 2007, only 13 years ago. Since then the improvements in mobile technology have been huge. From better processing power, better batteries, and even cameras that can be used to film movies.

Musk predicts that change and rapid growth will be the same with versions of the Neuralink. According to Musk “If the development continues to accelerate, then maybe in the next 5-10 years” you will be able to convey your thoughts without any need for talking. With the use of Neuralink, Musk predicts that soon we will be able to communicate completely telepathically, allowing individuals to convey ideas clearly and accurately, without any loss in translation when communicating complex thoughts and ideas. 5-10 years!

In future versions Musk predicts that “You will also be able to save your state, like in a video game - and restore that state into a biological being”. He elaborates by giving the following analogy: “Think about how you can record a video with your phone. - There is no way you can remember things as accurately as that phone or that camera could.” You will be able to record, remember, and replay everything captured by “the entire sensory experience”. You will even be able to edit your memories and share them!

Right now, you reading this article could be a memory the like of which is replayed with the Neuralink! How likely is this to be true? According to Musk “at this point in time, I don’t have a Neuralink in my brain, so right now 0%, but at the point when you do have a Neuralink it rises”. “It will be kinda like the Matrix … Download the program” and you will be able to instantly learn anything at any time.

So what ethical problems might this create? Privacy and viruses suddenly seem a lot more intimidating when it’s your own brain doesn’t it? I for one am not smart enough to think about what malware might look like for the brain, but I know I will be paying extra for the additional Anti-Virus software!

This burgeoning technology, which can affect the brain so significantly, has the potential to exacerbate the difference between the “haves” and the “have-nots"; those with Neuralink, and those without it. Think about the difference in opportunity between someone who has a computer and internet access as compared with someone who does not; it’s that on steroids.

Neuralink will change the intellectual capabilities of humans to something previously unimaginable. It is important for us as a species to pause and consider the implications of creating technology as powerful as this.

Would I get a Neuralink? As an early adopter, probably not, and not just because I won’t be able to afford it! The fact of the matter is the first generation of all emerging technology has problems. If i’m messing with my brain I want the version I buy to last. Besides, I’d rather not be a human guinea pig. However I will wait eagerly to see how this technology will affect our species over the coming decade. Hopefully in a positive way rather than being the rise of Sky-net!

#tech #elon musk #brain #technology #black mirror #matrix #spacex #tesla #neuralink #interface

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illneverrecover · 5 years

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Better When it Feels Wrong (m)

➛pairing: saeran x reader/MC ; unknown x reader/MC ➛genre: halloween shenanigans. smut. porn with a plot if you squint really hard. ➛word count: 4,643 ➛rating: nsfw/mature ➛warnings: alcohol use, rough sex, unprotected sex, slight dom/sub, rough oral/face fucking (male & female receiving), over-stimulation, squirting ➛notes: Well, here it is! This is the piece I wrote for the @2019loveforallseasons project, which has been released (and is gorgeous, if I say so myself). I was very honored to be included in this with some amazing people, and am grateful for the experience. It still weirds me out to think people own physical copies of my smut, but in a good way 😜. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!

“Truth or Dare?”

“Really Trustfund, you’re asking me?” Zen scoffed, swigging the last dregs of his beer before reaching for a new one.

“Do you have trouble understanding the question? Would you like me to repeat it for you...slower?” Jumin smirks, pouring the remains of a vintage red into his and Jihyun’s glasses.

You couldn’t help but laugh; the light buzz of alcohol pumping through your veins, tinting your cheeks. This wasn’t what you had expected when you invited the RFA over for a planning meeting. The Halloween Bash was only a few days away and there was still so much that needed to be finalized. However, the sight of your boyfriend slumped against his twin, laughing loudly at Zen’s disdain, would surely make tomorrow’s hangover worth it.

Saeran looks down at you before throwing his arm over your shoulder, amusement pulling at his lips as he takes in your glassy eyes and drunk-flushed face. He truly is beautiful, you think, still amazed by the fact that you’re lucky enough to call him your own.

Staring into his eyes, you didn’t hear what Zen was asked to do after he agrees to ‘dare’, instead leaning up to press a quick and small kiss to the side of Saeran’s mouth. While you had been together for a while now, the euphoria of being able to kiss him, to touch him had yet to fade. You linger for a moment, relishing in the way his skin feels under your lips.

It’s the cries of laughter that pulled your attention back the room. Zen was swinging his hips slowly to the music that, up until now, had served only as background noise, sashaying himself closer and closer to a very flustered Jaehee. When his arms cross to whip his shirt off, swinging it in circles over his head, Saeyoung stands up, screeching.

“Okay! Enough, enough! It’s been more than 30 seconds!”

“But I was just getting into it!” Zen pouts, shrugging and sitting back down, reaching for his beer.

Jumin’s eyes were brimming with tears, his hand wiping them away as they spilled over his lashes and down his ripened cheeks. It only took a glance to let you know that Yoosung and Jihyun weren’t fairing much better.

These idiots.

You love them.

“Okay, so that leaves…Oh. It’s your turn,” Jaehee smiles at you, nodding her head as you reach for the drink in front of you and shot it back. The soju burned, but you love the pleasant thrum – only rivaled by the way Saeran was smoothing circles into your shoulder.

“What will it be? Truth or da-“

“Actually, Jaehee, I haven’t gotten to ask anyone yet. Let me take this one.”

You roll your eyes as Saeyoung waggles his eyebrows at you. You know that he was taking this game very seriously and instantly realized that if he was the one asking, there was only one, definitive answer.

“Fine. Truth. And don’t pout at me – your dares are honestly terrifying.” You pour yourself another shot, fingers circling the glass.

“What’s one fantasy you have?”

“Pfff, really? And you call yourself a God-”

“I wasn’t finished. What’s one fantasy you’ve had...that you’ve never told Saeran?”

You gulp then, your eyes widening with a glare. That little shit. He looked beyond pleased, a hand coming to rest under his chin as he stares at you expectantly. Shifting nervously, you peer at Saeran in your peripherals, attempting to gage his reaction.

He gives away nothing.

Your mind immediately goes back to that night…the first time he showed Unknown to you, all those months ago at Saeyoung’s apartment. Unknown...he was rough and dominating; his words clipped and bruised, demanding obedience, and as much as you hated to admit it, you couldn’t help the rush of arousal that pooled in your belly. Ever since returning, he treated you reverently, like a precious piece of glass, one that would crack too easy. Gentle and nurturing, he still pleased you every time you were intimate, always checking in and making sure your needs were met first. But you knew he was holding back, and there was a part of you that wanted him to take control again – to be rough and have you begging. You wanted to be ruined.

Of course you hadn’t told him this. He was still healing from the years of trauma, not to mention that you were perfectly happy with how things were. But, he did ask for a fantasy…and you know if you lied, they would know. Both of those demon boys.

“Um…can I pass?”

“No.”

“I hate when you two speak in unison.”

“Then answer the question, babe.”

Suddenly remembering the shot in your hand, you down it quickly, wincing. Pulling in a shaky breath, you look everywhere except at the white-haired man beside you. “Uh, well, I sometimes think about…Saeran tapping into his ‘Unknown’ side a bit more.” You practically launch for the bottle, refilling your glass quickly, face hidden.

“What does that mean?” Yoosung’s head lolls to the side like a puppy.

“It means our little party planner likes it rough. Kinky,” Saeyoung winks, and poor Yoosung’s face turns bright red.

You choke a bit on the liquor, sputtering into the back of your hand and sending a pointed glare at your boyfriend’s twin. “So anyway, moving on...” You silently hoped someone would take over the conversation before the shameful flush that was working its way up your face reached your ears.

It was a squeeze at your thigh that had you looking over to him finally, a small reassuring smile on his face. He was opening his mouth to say something further, when another voice cut him off.

“My baby brother is a secret freak, huh? I mean, I should’ve been able to guess, with the collar and chains and everything...”

“Saeyoung, sincerely fuck off,” Saeran deadpanned, eyes rolling as the hacker roars into a fit of laughter. The unsolicited comments continued, and even Zen began chiming in, not missing the chance to take the heat off his own back. It was only when Jumin starting offering tips, much to your horror, that Jihyun finally clapped to get everyone’s attention, suggesting that the group end the night there. You offered him a grateful smile. Admitting your fantasy to your boyfriend was tough enough, you didn’t need your closest friends harping on it all evening.

A quick look at the clock tells you that he’s late. You huff impatiently, reaching for your phone to see if you have any missed texts.

None.

It wasn’t like Saeran to get delayed – not when it came to you, anyway – and your anxiety flares at the thought that he had changed his mind. Maybe the costume idea had sent him over the edge? You thought it was cute; you in your homemade Princess Peach costume, while he would be dressed as the Luigi to Saeyoung’s Mario. When Saeyoung first suggested it, your eyes lit up and looked to him expectantly, clapping with glee when he sighed but nodded his approval. But maybe it was too much?

The ring of the doorbell pulls you from your thoughts, and you move to grab your purse before heading to the door, ready to give him shit for making you wait. Which is why you were surprised when you open the door and found the wrong twin waiting for you.

“What the fuck, Saeyoung?”

“It’s not Saeyoung, it’s a-me, Mario!” He pinches the side of his obscenely thick, fake mustache.

You cock a hip, scoffing, “Mario, where is Luigi? Wasn’t he supposed to be picking me up?”

He reaches for your arm instead of answering, tugging you behind him towards his car. He had picked the red one for the evening, of course.

“He had to handle important plumber business. As the youngest and also the side kick, it was his duty.” He snorts then, realizing what he had said. This idiot. “Anyway, he’ll meet us there Princess, don’t worry!” He smiles at you, shutting the door and placed himself behind the wheel. For a brief moment, you could’ve sworn you saw the flicker of a smirk darken his features, but before you could even think about questioning it, he was back to beaming at you.

“Let’s-a go!”

“Please shut up.”

The event was a success, of course – the room was filled with costumed bodies, drinks being poured, heavy bass beats pulsing through the speakers near the dance floor. It didn’t take long to spot your fellow RFA members, offering a quick wave before resuming your search for the one person you wanted to see.

One scan of the floor yielded no results, so you made your way to the bar, requesting whatever red concoction that was currently in the punch bowl. Sipping to calm your nerves, you started your sweep yet again – and finally – you spot him.

Otherworldly ice green eyes pierce the crowd, his hand tangling through his errant bleached locks. A black hoodie was slung off of one shoulder, the obsidian inked eye tattoo on clear display, as well as the laced up red tank top showing off his toned, lean chest. A thick choker rested at the base of his throat; the roll of his adam’s apple drawing your gaze up his neck and to his eyes.

He smirks then and saunters to you, his eyes raking up and down your body. You could feel the heady lust as he drank in your appearance, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

Jesus fuck. He had changed his costume. He was Unknown.

“Well hello, Princess,” he cooed once he was within ear shot, his body looming as you unconsciously press your back into the wall. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Sae-“

“Ah, tsk tsk, Princess. That’s not my name and you know it.”

Swallowing thickly, you meet his eyes once more. Heart thrumming with anticipation, you attempt to clear your throat, your voice coming out as a pitched squeak, “Unknown. What are you doing here?”

“Mmm, much better.” His hand toyed with a strand of your hair, amusement ringing in his voice when you tremble under his touch. “Don’t play dumb. You know why I’m here...You asked me to be here.”

Your thighs clenched together at his husky tone, arousal wallowing shallowly in your gut. Biting your lip, you nodded instead of answering, gulping down the sickly sweet punch.

“Is Princess thirsty? Come on, let's refill your cup.”

Pulling at your arm, he started making his way back to the bar, dragging you behind him while you struggle to keep up. A new cup was forced into your grasp, and he studies your face as you take a tentative sip. Smiling, his right hand comes to rest dangerously low on your back. “Follow me.”

Moving on autopilot, you’re guided away, mind churning with thoughts you couldn’t quiet. Was he serious? Did he really want to do this? Is he only doing this to make you happy? You steal a side glance at the towering man, cheeks rising with heat at the darkness swimming in his eyes, a sneer on his face. Fuck, it did make you happy…

The whipping of wind and the sudden blunt deafness of the music alert you that you’d been lead to the balcony, the patio large and overlooking the grounds of the property. Besides the twinkling of a few orange fairy lights draped over a pergola, it was mostly black, shadows blanketing concrete where the moon didn’t quite reach. Another gust of wind had you shivering, and it was then you finally looked around – no one else was crazy enough to be out here, it was freezing.

You were alone.

Suddenly, you’re falling backwards, icy stone of the building making you arch and gasp. His mouth smothered yours, swallowing any noises you make. Strong hands that caged you now slide down until they’ve grasped your wrists, your forgotten cocktail slipping unnoticed as he pinned them both above your head.

Fire smolders in your veins, your eyes rolling back with the intensity of desire that slammed into your every nerve. He was licking into your mouth, demanding control, and you couldn’t remember the last time you had taken a breath – if you could even breathe. He was assaulting every single one of your senses, and you soon found yourself giving in to his devilish intoxication. His lips move lower, nipping gently at the tender flesh of your jaw and breathing hot on your ear. You couldn’t stifle your moan when he rolls his hips against your needy core, the friction delicious before he chuckles lowly. “You never could be quiet, could you? Don’t worry, I’ll have you screaming for me later. ” Pressing another wet kiss to the base of your throat, he pulls away. “But now it’s time to be a good girl and say goodbye to our friends.”

“But, Sae-” you stutter, catching yourself. “Unknown, we just got here. Our friends will notice we’re gone...”

“Say goodbye to your friends now, Princess, or you’ll be greeted with a punishment at home.”

Eyes widening, you stare up at the man in front of you, the rush of arousal at his words turning you into a puddle at his feet. Your body craved to give in to him, to submit, and for once you just wanted to let go. Steeling your resolve, you nod once, turning away with a look of determination on your face, pulling your boyfriend by the cuff of his jacket.

You didn’t say goodbye before you left.

Getting home was a blur, your heart and mind still reeling at what was happening...with what was about to happen. You aren’t sure if it’s the lingering effects of the alcohol consumed or just him, but the next thing you know, you’re in your bedroom, chest heaving as he finally released your mouth from a fervent kiss.

His grip was tight on your hips, mouth scraping and biting at your throat, your collarbone. Moans spill from your lips at an embarrassing speed as you clung to him like a lifeline. Just when one sensation would become too much – his tongue in your mouth, the sharp sting of teeth sinking into milky skin, his strong thigh pressing between your legs – he would move on to something new, always taking, taking, taking. Dizzy with greed, you give in to instincts, and fall pliable under his skilled mouth and hands.

You whine when his warmth leaves you, feeling exposed despite being fully clothed. His hungry glare trails up and down your body as he gasps for air.

Licking his lips, his darkened eyes boring into your own.

“Strip for me.”

It wasn’t a question but a demand. You do as you were told, trembling hands removing your costume piece by piece; crown, gloves, and shoes tossed aside. Your fingers fumble with the zipper of the dress, refusing to find purchase. A soft ‘tsk’ had you looking his way; his expression was inpatient, eyes hard. “Do I have to do everything?”

Before you could question what that meant, his hands were spinning you, your back towards him. He grabbed the top and, without hesitation, ripped it down the seam, satisfied once the flimsy costume was in two pieces. You gasp when you feel his fingers trail up your spine, making quick work of your bra – which you are glad he decided to not tear to shreds – before you were facing him once more, only your lace panties left.

“On your knees, Princess. Be a good girl; don’t tease me.”

Wincing as your knees connected with the hard floor, you peer up at him through hooded eyes, the thought of having him on your tongue making you salivate. Licking your lips, you started to reach for him. “Ah, look how greedy you are for my cock,” he coos, batting your hands away to undo his jeans, sliding them down and off his body. You don’t move until he gives you a slight nod, reaching out to take his thick length into your hands and keening with pride at the hiss he lets out on contact. You place a kittenish lick at the head, swirling it lightly to collect the precum that had begun to pool there, before slowly tracing down his length. Thigh muscles jumped under your touch, and you know you are pushing the line of teasing – but you couldn’t stop yourself. Trailing lower, you press wet kisses on his balls, gently sucking the tender flesh into your mouth. The loud groan that releases from his throat was your reward, and you can’t help but moan when you see his eyes screwed shut, his face looking fucked out under your ministrations.

Just when you are beginning to feel smug, fingers tangle into the back of your hair tightly, wrenching you away from him completely. Titling you back until you could meet his glare, his free hand grabs your jaw, forcing your mouth open.

“I told you not to tease me, brat,” he growls, his hips pressing his dripping length closer to your pliant lips. “I really do have to do everything myself, don’t I?”

He thrusts himself inside your mouth, his hand dropping from around your jaw to join the other in your hair, guiding you down until your nose is pressing into the soft hair at his base. “Fuck, that’s it, Princess.” You swallow around him, gagging at the intrusion, and he pulls back hastily to repeat the action.

He fucks your face and you feel your eyes water, his pace punishing your gag reflex. Saliva drips from the corners of your lips, painting you a mess. He was using you so roughly, feeling emboldened after each stroke in your mouth, and you love it; moaning around him, thighs clenching. Your cunt was pulsing and throbbing with the need to be touched, and it took all your self control to not slide a hand between your legs for relief, knowing the man towering above you wouldn’t allow such disobedience.

Despite the harshness of his actions, you can see the soft smile pulling at the corner of his lips, secret fondness shining in his eyes as words of praise fell from his lips. “Such a good girl, taking me so well. So perfect for me, with her perfect fucking mouth…”

By the time he pulls you off his length you were wrecked; chest red and heaving, lips swollen and slick with spit, eyes shining and makeup smeared. Gasping for air, you didn’t even register that you were being picked up until you were pushed on the bed face first, a sharp grip at your hips positioning you onto your hands and knees. Pressing your face into the mattress, you mewl when you feel his hands slide up and down the backs of your thighs, hot breath fanning over your clothed cunt without ever receiving the relief of his touch.

“You are so needy, aren’t you, Princess? Just need to be fucked good by my cock, don’t you?” You whine at his words, your hips gently rocking to entice him to do something...do anything. Instead, a loud smack rings throughout the room, the suddenness of the assault on your now reddened cheek making you to yelp. “I asked you a question.”

“Yes, Saeran,”

Realizing the name you called out, you cringe in anticipation of punishment, only letting the air in your lungs loose when it doesn’t come. Instead, an ironlike grip yanks the last scrap of fabric covering your core down your thighs, effectively binding your legs together. You can feel how wet you are, your slick coating the inside of your thighs, causing you to hiss at the cool air when you’re finally exposed.

“Then beg for it.”

His fingers began tracing slowly up and down your slit, featherlight and expertly ignoring your clit with each sweep. “Please, please give me your cock, I need it so bad, need you so bad,” you pant, not caring about anything but the feel of his fingers against your swollen folds. “I’ll be a good girl, I’ll do anything. Please, Saeran.”

As the last syllable leaves your mouth, he finally slides two fingers into your awaiting heat, curling them expertly to press at the tender spot inside you. His pace is punishing, not letting you ease into the sensation, before he leans forward to lick and suckle your needy clit into his mouth.

“F-fuck,” you gasp, cries of pleasure incessant and becoming pitched. The coil in your stomach was so tight, so close to snapping, and you couldn’t help but catch your breath as his talented mouth and fingers brought you closer and closer to toppling over the edge.

You cry out when he stops abruptly, pouting until you feel his hands gripping the flesh at your hips. He flips you onto your back, tearing your underwear from you and hurriedly sliding back down between your legs. “I want to see your face when you cum for me, Princess. Want to look in your eyes as you yell my name,”

His hot mouth tugs at your bundle of nerves again, fingers sliding home to the soft spot of your walls. “Cum for me,” he murmurs against your skin, another demand. One you were quick to comply with after a few more swipes of his wicked tongue. Shouting his name, white heat courses through you, your eyes screwing shut and thighs clamping firmly around his head. It takes you several moments to remember to breathe, and when you finally drop your legs to release his head he sits up, his fingers still fucking you through your orgasm until the feeling becomes too much.

Flinching, you attempt to push him away, body wiggling in attempt to separate him from you.

“Saeran, I can’t, it hurts.”

Instead of stopping like he normally would, your eyes flash open to see a devious smirk on his face, teeth biting into his bottom lip as he continued to press his fingers into your battered walls. You claw at him to stop, your hands reaching out to grab his wrists before he’s pinning your arms above your head, effectively halting all movement.

“You can do it, Princess, I know you can. It’ll feel even better the second time.” He presses his lips to yours, swallowing down your moans as he pulls his fingers from you. Confusion clouds your face, and it’s not until he pulls your legs up to bend them towards your ears that you realize that his throbbing length is pressing hotly into your core. “You’re going to come again, Princess, but this time it’s going to be on my cock.”

Suddenly his hips are slamming into you, groaning as he fully sheaths himself inside. The stretch burns slightly, but instead of giving you a moment to adjust he’s fucking you. Stars dance behind your eyes, and the heat in your gut is rapidly building at the onslaught of his hips, the powerful harshness of each assault against your center. The angle is too much, too fast; the thickened head of his cock pounding that perfect spot inside you was sending you hurtling towards your peak, moans and broken cries spilling from your lips.

“Saeran, I’m, I can’t-”

“It’s okay, baby, let go.” he growls, a hand snaking down to swipe at your clit. You were thrown over the edge with unbridled force and a loud cry, heat snapping and bursting behind your eyes. You felt the gush of your orgasm flood your thighs, the force of it pushing him from your tender walls. You couldn’t help but mewl pathetically as he continues circling your abused nub.

“That was so fucking hot. Squirting all over my dick. You’re so good to me, taking me so well, like you were made for me.”

Fatigue sinks into your bones, and you want to nuzzle into the blankets until sleep takes you. Instead you feel him pulling you into his lap, arms circling his neck as he grips your hips and starts fucking upwards harshly. You whimper loudly, pressing your face into his neck as he seeks his high, the stutters and gulps of breath telling you he wasn’t far off. With each precise slam of his hips, his persona starts to slip more and more; the Saeran you have come to know and love over the last several months shining through. “I fucking love you, you’re so beautiful,” he moans, a hand leaving your waist to tilt your face towards his. Kissing you harshly, he suckles your bottom lip into his mouth, biting down lightly before releasing the abused flesh. “I’m so close baby, you’re doing so well.”

You watch as his eyes screw shut, the light sheen of sweat coating his face at the effort over his overworked muscles. Knowing he was close, you clench around him, coaxing him to his end. Turning to bite at the lobe of his ear, you beg breathily. “Cum inside of me, Saeran. Please, I need you to cum. I need you.”

With a bite at your shoulder, you feel him tense beneath you, cursing as he finally releases. His thrusts slow as he milks himself inside your walls, hot spurts filling you. You collapse against him, chest heaving with exhaustion and Saeran wraps his arms around you, falling back until you’re both against the bed.

You feel your eyes getting heavy, about to succumb to slumber when he mutters huskily beside you.

“So…Happy Halloween?” You can hear the grin in his voice, your eyes snapping open to meet his. “I hope that was okay… was it too much?”

“I can’t believe you hid this from me!”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me your fantasy!” he chides back, a playful smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“I didn’t want to pressure you…I love you the way you are and the way our sex life is now. I didn’t want you think you had to change to keep me happy. I’m already so happy with you, Saeran.”

Warm hands cup your face as you finish speaking, and soon his nose was nuzzling yours, lips pressing softly against your own. “You’re so damn perfect.” He tugs you into his chest, arms smoothing errant patterns into your back.

You’re enveloped wholly, smiling to yourself at the rapid beating of his heart, enjoying the scent of sex mixing with his cologne. A small part of your brain reminds you that you should probably get up and clean yourself, the sticky mess of your combined release rapidly cooling against your skin. You take a few deep breaths, pressing your lips against his jaw before leaning back to get out of the bed and head into the adjoining bathroom.

“So…are there any more fantasies you have?” his voice rings out, and you laugh loudly, finishing within the bathroom and moving to find one of his shirts to pull over your head. “What? That one was actually pretty hot, I think I might like to live out all your fantasies.” He waggles his eyebrows at you, and you giggle at the sight, tossing his boxer briefs to him.

“Yeah, actually I do have another one. I’ve always had this fantasy of being double teamed by twins…” you let your voice trail away, sighing dreamily.

Suddenly you were pulled back into the bed, a growl your only warning before Saeran was back on top of you, pinning your arms to the bed once more.

“Do I need to punish you? Remind you who you belong to?”

“Who, Unknown?” you stifle a grin, a sharp bite at your throat letting you know you wouldn’t be getting off that easy.

“You are such a brat.”

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