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persephone11110 · 3 months

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Self Control

Jake Seresin x Reader

Three times you should’ve stopped fucking Jake Seresin, and one time you finally did.

tw:one night stands, insecure reader, KINDA DARK, mentions of sex throughout—DUBIOUS CONSENT fic,Dead Iceman->reader is grieving and doesn’t how to process her emotions properly, asshloe J.S->cheater Jake, they both need fucking therapy!!,—jake abusive childhood Jake chokes reader->bruises, happy ending, the two kazansky children seen in the movie are cannoned just gave them names(Xander,Ana Kazansky),self-slutshaming, reader calls herself whore 2-3x, mavdad—feminist icon

WC : 2.7k

AN: I really can’t tell you how this fic was born tbh, but enjoy❤️, title from Self Control- Frank Ocean

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THIS FIC MENTIONS SEX ALOT, I PUT DUBIOUS CONSENT BCUS READER & JAKE ARE NOT IN RIGHT STAND OF MIND, PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!

1. his bedroom

You’ve been thinking to yourself lately,everynight you lie in bed in wondering if you should be tired of doing this?, giving a piece of yourself to Jake Seresin three times a week.

You wondered if the man even cared enough to get to know you, after all you’ve been acting as his bed warmer for the past three months.

But that just it, you were warned of how this would work, you both agreed to emotionless sex— being each other’s fuckbuddies when work got to much to emotionally handle.

As it seemed neither of you had the mental capacity to have a healthy coping mechanism. You sat on your floor infront of a mirror trying to cover up a neck bruise, Jake had a nightmare again—the same one as usual, Instead Jacob Sr was the one doing the choking.

“Jake, Jake!” your throat was closing, Jake hand around throat was tightening—his fingers digging deep into your skin Again. You were begging for him to release you. You stared into his green forest like eyes—their so fucking beautiful.

At first he doesn’t acknowledge your pleading tone, Jakes most likely still stuck in nightmare from hell “Jake please let go”. Your voice was dry now, tears sprung from your eyes as it did his.

A loud thump happened as your body rolled of the bed to the floor. You heard heavy breathing which normally signaled Jake had finally woken up . He banged his head against the headboard loudly. Jake utters a small—“I’m sorry”before leaving you alone in the room to gather himself.

You sat on the floor like fucking obedient dog waiting for Jake to come back and tell you what do next. While you sit there in silence apart of you wonders were the strong Y/n“Killerfrost” Kazansky went, the woman who didnt break a sweat while looking death in the face. The woman who flew more colder than Iceman more crazier than Maverick. What happened?

Death happened,cancer stripped your dad of his life. Sitting at his beside watching him struggle take his last breath, shushing him he because he was pushing himself to use his voice.

Going on base and listening to the Admiral Simpson go over on the speaker and tell the base that Admiral Kazansky—your dad drew his last breathe. Which led you to Jake Seresin bed.

Younger you would be so disappointed in you right now. Younger Y/n Kazansky would rather die before laying down with man who’s ruining their mental health. If someone told you ten years down line you would be fucking one of the worst men as an emotional outlet. You would’ve laughed in their face repeatedly till you passed out from lack of oxygen.

“Tom Kazansky would be so disgusted with his daughter”, a thought lingered around your mind, “Dad wouldnt even want to be in the same room as you”.

You picked yourself off the floor as you heard Jake’s footsteps getting closer. Your legs were bouncy as anxiety was coursing through your veins—flying never did make you feel this, but leave it to Jake‘Hangman’Seresin to.

Jake voice was low and rough,“See you next week”. Before you could say something to the man, he already had his back turned walking away from you.

Your cheeks flush with embarrassment,“How am I falling for a man who doesn’t love me and never will?”. You continue to slip your clothes back on as you toss the thought around in your head, careful of your sore neck skin. “You should be ashamed of yourself Y/n Kazansky, you were not raised be a whore who re adjust their clothes as a John throws a fucking dollar at them., You were raised with dignity”.

Whore. Y/n Kazansky callsign should be Jake Seresin whore.

Your pressed your head into the shower wall, allowing the hot pressed water to soothe your aching muscles.“I’m so sorry daddy”.

—

2. Family Dinner

You kept tugging at the hem of your turtle neck, it was to hot to be wearing this damn thing in the first place. But last thing you wanted to was to worry your siblings as they had just lost their father. That last thing they needed was their weak sister falling apart at the seams, as if they weren’t either.

Two times a month your siblings held saturday dinner. The idea was to keep up with eachother.

Guess who’s been missing family dinner to fuck Jake Seresin?, the answer is Y/n Kazansky.

You stood on Ana porch quietly, wondering if you should even go in, not wanting the catch the end of your short-tempered sister.

“You plan on standing there till hell freeezes over?”, a voice pulls your from your thoughts, Xander Kazansky was standing behind you with pie in his hands. “Come on sis, Ana been waiting to see you”. He smiled, softly pulling on your wrist to get you into the door. You mirror his smile, forgetting all about last night. You closed the door behind you.

“Hey kid”, you stand there waiting for him to put the pie down before you pull him into a tight hug. Your ruffling his hair, with one hand.

“I have you know Y/n I can legally drink alcohol”. Xander pouts like little kid.

“Y/n didn’t wait until she was twenty one drink”. Ana tone of voice was sour as she gestured the both of you to sit down.

“Ana I—“ Your cut off by her harsh words.

“Y/n the longer you spew bullshit at me the longer its takes to bless the food”. Ana states before bowing her head and closing her eyes.

You and Xander make eye contact before joining her.

“So us non-aviators aren’t good enough for you anymore?” Ana asked you in calm tone, yet you could hear how angry she truly was.

Xander was to busy scraping at his dinner plate, shoving food in his mouth—not wanting to be caught in the middle of his sister’s argument.

You bite at the inside of your cheek unsure of what to say back. Can’t say the truth because then Ana will really flip out if she finds what her little sister been doing lately.

You glanced at your plate again thinking up lie to tell her. “I’ve been busy Ana, since the mission the dagger squad have become a permanent squadron”. Your telling the truth but the full truth.

You pray Ana takes the bone you threw at her and leaves it alone. Ana gave you a dirty look before picking at her broccoli and shoving it in her mouth. Thank god neither of your parents were here as they would’ve picked up on ticks, the picking at your nails, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Sweetheart you can tell us whats going on you know that right”, your dad would say while nudging your shoulder, “Your off the clock, you can retire Killerfrost till your up in the air”.

You thought Ana had let it go as she stopped acknowledging you, and was only talking to Xander. "I hope that whatever you been doing was worth it Y/n, you haven’t even seen mom in goddamn month”.

“Ana” Xander sighed, he was getting tired of his sister remarks, you didn’t wanna defend yourself anymore, not that you even tried to.

You bowed your head in shame, no longer wanting to make eye contact with either sibling.

“What Xander?”, Ana raised her voice,”It’s the same fucking thing dad would’ve say to her too,I’m getting tired of her acting as if she’s the only one who lost a dad, like mom didn’t lose apart of her”.

You could feel the tears attempting to escape from your eyes. You placed the silverware back in its place, you stood from the dinner table. Casting a look between the both of them—“I’m sorry Ana, Xander” before you walked out of her house with tears rushing down your face.

Your sitting at a gas station thinking about everything, you really were acting selfish.

Maybe fucking Jake Seresin was a bad idea?

You picked up your phone, eyeing the text message. “I can’t sleep Y/n, come over if your aren’t busy”.

And just like that, Jake was telling you to come over it’s like he knew when it was a bad time for you. How dare you say no to him?

You put the key back in the ignition and start to slowly pull out of the parking lot.

Your on the back road, the shortest way to get to his house.

3. All I Could Was Cry

She was standing there with my man.

I heard them promise death do us apart.

A woman who looked like Marilyn Monroe was her descendant hung off of Jakes arm, she wrapped her hand around his bicep. They both shared a smile with one another, “I’m busy tonight Y/n“, he texted you this morning.

They were pushing eachother into the water- her screams of joy as Jake playfully her slammed into the water. She leaned into to him pushing her tongue down his throat.

I was losing the man I loved.

“Falling in love with a man like that is dangerous game Y/n” A familiar voice interrupts your self pity. Uncle Maverick is standing behind you with two beers in his hands and small smile. “Scoot over kiddo” Your sitting on cold sand, pretending to be okay with the scene infront of you.

“Uncle Mav if your here to give me I’m so disappointed in you speech, I’ve already gave myself one more than once I-“. He gently cuts you off when he pulls you into a tight, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

“Your mom been worried about you, so has your siblings , me and the daggers”. His voice is laced with worry, you hated making people worry about you. “Your flying been…crazy these past couple of months”. Maverick struggles to find more words to say, unsure if he does it might push into Jakes arms.

He was right you been flying like your ass was on fire, and if you’ve been pulling maneuvers even he wouldn’t dare to.

“Ana Kazansky is worried about me?”, Your eyes widen at that,“It didn’t seem like that a couple nights ago when she was going for my head”.

“Ana is like your father, arguing with them is like sitting on the stand defending yourself against a criminal charge”. Uncle Maverick explains with a soft tone, “I would know after pissing your dad off for over thirty years”. You swear he blinks away a few tears before continuing.

“I have everything under control, yes I like Seresin and I understand he doesn’t want me”. You feel indifferent as the lie rolls off your tongue through your mouth. “I’m Killerfrost Kazansky who doesn’t allow her emotions to get the best of her”. Your eyes shift away as you attempt to not hold eye contact with him.

“The same bullshit your father tried to pull with me years ago, your Y/n Kazansky the woman who just her father, the woman who misses her father dearly the man who showed you how to spell your name, the man who managed to get out of deployment early to drop you off for the first day kindergarten”.

Tears pricked at your eyes,“I didn’t think about it that way,maybe i’ve been to hard on myself?”. Your voice cracks with emotion. “As much I hate to say it— It feels nice to be ‘wanted’ by someone, Mav”.

“Kid, I was that man thirty some odds years ago when Goose died, I had sex with any woman who looked my way and said yes”. Maverick pulled away from you, gently wiping away your tears. “It’s going to hurt kiddo for awhile, but I promise you its gets better, the last thing Ice would want is for his daughter to lose herself, to allow a man to tell her how worthy she is”. He presses a kiss into the side of your head“It’s okay to feel emotions Y/n Kazansky”, he said low enough for only your ears.

After leaving you alone with your thoughts, your phone blinks as a notification pops up.

“Y/n I need you over tonight”. Your walking back to the car, hand on the car handle. “10 is good”. Your driving past his house, your driving to your apartment.

4. Happier Again (3months later)

He’s in standing your doorway with roses in his hand, and red wine in the other. When you heard knocking on the door you expected Ana because it almost time for movie night or Harvard because he’s sucks at cooking and needs help. But not him—Jake Seresin was standing in your doorway looking apologetic.

The new you wants to slam the door in his face, forcing him to catch a hint that the nights you spent in his bed were over. Deciding against your gut you decide to allow him in, for what you’ll never know—maybe he’s here to offer a peace offering.

You still had to work with him still— the dagger squadron is permanent till Cyclone and Cain think otherwise.

Jake goes to open his mouth but nothing leaves it, which is a first. The great Hangman is left clueless not a insult dripping with anger and sarcastic comment in sight.

“Come in Jake” He cocks his head to the side unsure if he really should.“If you want stand outside and look stupid thats fine by me”. You turn on your heel,but before you get far he grabs you by wrist, pulling you into a kiss.

The roses, the wine—he loves me, Jake“Hangman” Seresin finally loves me. You feel the old you try to blossom like a dead flower, attempting to sprout back to life.

“Stop!”You shoved at his chest he falls back alittle. “No, I’m not doing this again with you Jake”. Your cheeks are starting to get red,“What about that woman from the hard deck?”.

His lips slip into a tight smile“She and I are going through a rough patch right now”. Jake steps into your apartment, “Y/n its nothing to worry about she wouldn’t know”.

You shake your head at him,“You haven’t changed?”.

“Oh come on darlin it’ll be like old times”, He stands tall, his hangman smile is fully on display.

You scoff, doesn’t he understand what I just said?

“Jake you have a girlfriend, its make you a cheater!” You jabbed a finger into his chest. “Your cheating on your girlfriend”. He doesn’t give a shit.

“And your such a fucking angel darlin, we fucked for how long Y/n?”. His voice is harsh, anger bubbling—getting ready to explode like a volcano. “Were’s ya fucking halo at?”.

“I didn’t know” you yell back at him—standing your ground. The one bad thing you inherited from your dad was his temper, when your button been pushed for too long.“You must fell from heaven when your father casted you out, huh?”. A low blow that was uncalled for, but he’s taking it there.

“I need you darlin, I need to fuck you!”. he screams, your pretty sure you and Jake are one second close to having the cops called for a domestic disturbance.

“You and I need therapy Jake”, your voice returning to a calm tone.“Fucking you was worst shit i’ve ever done, I’ve been using you as a tool”. You step back from him.“Jake you can’t honestly tell me we aren’t ‘broken’ a little bit, sane humans don’t do this shit”.

Jakes eyes were squeezed closed, your cupped his jaw with your hands.“It’s okay not be okay, but its not okay to be doing this”. You sighed,“As much as I want to, its not healthy Jake”.

Jake opened his eyes, tears were rolling down his face. “I’m so sorry Y/n I just needed a break, I needed a break from being Hangman”.

“A smart guy told me once your no longer in the air, there’s no need to fake who you are”. Your eyes are beginning to become teary, “We need help Jake”.

“Your right Y/n” His eyes were still wet.

“Go back your place and try to figure out what went wrong with you and her”. You gently told him. “Work buddies?”. You had hope in your voice, you put your hand out.

A wet laugh fell from his mouth,“Work buddies”. He shakes it.

#top gun #top gun maverick #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader

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