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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 3 years

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please. i can’t do this alone.

Titans 3.01

thoughts! thoughts! thoughts! some red hot thoughts!

SPOILERS ahead.

1. one episode in, and this season already looks set to give me everything i want. its abandonment of plot and storytelling conventions as it goes from one point to the next at breakneck speed; its cheerful bastardisation of iconic storylines from the comics; the ‘as-you-know-bob’ clunky exposition on one end and extremely restrained, subtle explorations of complex character dynamics on the other; endless shots of neon bleeding into black and blue corridors, shadows and silhouettes; my delight in seeing it celebrate and deconstruct the dark nolan-y batman aesthetic at the same time; my bafflement that it’s so fucking goddamn obsessed with the batfam when it’s supposed to be about the TITANS; kory just... saving every overburdened, clunky scene that she’s in by her sparkling charisma. just... *chef’s kiss*. muah. my show is back, in all its glory.

MY SHOW IS BACK, Y’ALL!

1.5. i mean... this show is so artful and weird and not afraid to go absolutely bonkers in exploring its characters’ psyche, but can just about barely stage a passable comic book fight when every tom dick and harry and their new streaming services can deliver ones that are far more exciting. i love this show with every atom of my body.

(there’s something to be said about rooting for the underdog as well. a pleasure in finding something to love about what other people dismiss. but! enough navel gazing! i have fictional characters’ navels to look at! metaphorically! and maybe literally!)

2. i expected jason’s death to come about pretty early in the season as soon as i heard rumours that red hood was showing up, but for it to happen in the first five minutes of the first episode... that’s a record.

(well. “happen.” still don’t know what exactly went down there.)

2.25. GOD. jason is such a tortured and tragic character in this show, used and passed around by people with alleged good intentions, never really fitting in anywhere. he’s veritably bleeding vulnerability and the need to belong, the need to be known, and yet the tragedy is that his death proves that nobody in his life knew anything about him at all; that they only saw the flimsy walls he put up to protect his soft core, and thought that that was all there was. that they say they loved him, but blame him for his own death.

dick is flabbergasted that jason can read, though we know from last season, from what jason revealed to rose, that he has a love for plays and music. barbara is quick to dismiss his actions as ‘impulsive’. bruce has no idea that his supposed son was building his own little chemistry lab right under his nose, and beyond that, no idea that jason needed structure, stability and validation beyond being left alone in a huge house with a treasure trove of dangerous weapons. kory thought his decision to fight the joker was from not learning and growing when the guy tried to kill himself last season and nobody apart from dick even tried to talk to him about it! did you consider that he might still be suicidal? especially after the titans admitted to having “given up” on him because he was just “too hard”?

2.5. the one thing that’s been consistent across all three seasons (so far) of the show is the unreliable narrator trope. there’s a reason why the characters’ dismissals of jason’s actions as impulsive is so repetitive; why jason’s death is a mystery dick feels compelled to solve. it’s a flailing attempt to know his brother much too late--but with red hood, maybe he gets a second chance, just like he got one with the titans. this is what jason’s arc has been building up to. this is ‘death in the family’ but more fucked up in some ways. it didn’t linger on the death because the death wasn’t the point. the joker isn’t the point. everything that came before it is.

this way it will also make perfect sense that the red hood’s main enemy becomes the titans rather than batman.

2.75. goodness knows what’s going on with jason’s little chemistry project. at first i thought he was immunising himself to joker gas or something, but maybe it’s what passes for lazarus pit juice in this universe?

anyway, it’s pretty impressive that jason learnt all of that from a college chemistry textbook. STOP BRINGING UP THAT HE READ SOMETHING, DICK--

2.8. i’m glad that dick doesn’t immediately sink into self-loathing and guilt and tries to investigate jason’s death while also acknowledging how he failed him. it’s like he actually learned something from the last two years!

anyway. more about dick later.

3. oh how i love titans!bruce. a lot of characters had a lot of Opinions on his reaction to jason’s death in this episode, but again, i ask you to consider that they’re unreliable narrators, and this universe’s bruce is a product of how it shaped him. bruce wayne has become a phantom to himself--an artifice borne out of vigorous discipline and crushing self-denial.

bruce has been batman for a very long time, and without a robin for much longer. (dick must be... in his early thirties? so he was robin for about, say, 10-12 years according to the timeline of the show. that still makes bruce pretty old when he took on his first robin.) things have... calcified (possibly parts of his brain). the personal cost and the collateral from the mission he’s taken up for most of his life is too much to countenance; it has to be a war, and war requires sacrifice.

on some level bruce knows that’s a lie. he’s so goddamned alone. what’s he going to do? sit down and cry? who’s going to listen to him now? oh, is he going to just stop being batman? who’s going to stop gotham from consuming herself then? he’ll just have to forge ahead, do better next time, maybe he’ll be firmer with them, or kinder with them, or notice more things, or train them harder, or spend more time--

3.25. don’t get me wrong: titans!bruce is an asshole and a half. his roster of potential robins was honestly bone-chilling. the fact that there’s a twisted root of compassion makes it more disturbing.

3.5. alfred’s dead! it must’ve been pretty recent, because i could’ve sworn that dick tried to call alfred in the very first episode of season 1, or at least considered calling him...

what a devastating double-blow for bruce then, losing his father-figure and his, uh.... son-figure so close together.

4. i don’t know about barbara yet. i mean, i like her, but she had so much clunky expository dialogue to deliver this episode, and for an episode that was named after her, she only showed up halfway through it. but i like the weight of history behind her interactions with both bruce and dick and her compassion to bruce before he cruelly crossed a line. i also like the implication that she and dick have been in touch recently, and that she didn’t immediately try to guilt-trip dick about some perceived abandonment. it’d be too repetitive.

4.5. there’s also a sense that she ran interference for dick a lot whenever there was something Too Big and Emotional for him to confront directly, and i like and appreciate that character beat.

5. dick, my man! it really does feel like a substantial length of time has passed between the end of s2 and the beginning of s3... kory’s got a new costume, they’ve become celebrities in SF, working missions together, and dick’s actually smiling! genuinely enjoying his work and having fun with it for possibly the first time in the entire series! it’s really a far cry from the fractured, dysfunctional mess that they were at the end of the last season.

i just hope this doesn’t mean that they’ve magically reached a resolution off-screen to all of their fucked-upness from last season, and that the repercussions--for gar in particular--are actually addressed on screen.

5.25. i mentioned this briefly above, but it really is so refreshing that dick doesn’t wallow in guilt and self-loathing after jason’s death; he acknowledges his and the titans’ failure, is able to admit to barbara honestly that he’s not doing great, and is actively trying to reach out to bruce to make sure he’s ok, is trying to investigate what made jason seek out the joker on his own, and is probably the only person not immediately buying that it was jason’s recklessness that got him killed. i love that dick is finally beginning to trust his instincts or just employ them at all after years of guilt and paranoia and self-loathing. we love some positive character growth!

5.5. another thing i love? the bruce-dick interactions on this show. every scene they’re in together is so fraught with tension, both of them holding themselves back, their emotions on a whipcord-tight leash. dick wants to reach out to bruce, is even somewhat familiar with this brand of denial in the wake of grief, but wants barbara to make the first move because he genuinely does not know how to get bruce to open up. his instincts are right, and wonderful, and genuine, but his expression has been smothered by years of trauma, emotional and physical self-discipline, and what i suspect is poorly treated mental illness.

it takes a lot for him to finally explode at bruce at the end of the episode--in a way he hasn’t done even when his only opinion of bruce was ‘fuck him’--and it’s all the more startling for how subdued he’s been through the episode, how much he’s been holding back his emotions for bruce’s sake. love it.

5.75. it sort of hurts my heart to see the flying graysons poster in jason’s room. there are a few implications:

a) jason settled into dick’s old room despite living in a giant mansion with dozens of other rooms he could’ve used

b) he didn’t take down dick’s poster--not when he moved in and was idolising him, not when he moved out of the titans and was sort of hating him. i wonder if the reminder of what dick was before robin--that he was forged out of unspeakable tragedy--gave jason the connection to dick that he so desperately wanted in real life

c) dick moved right back into the room and slept on the bed that was now jason’s. grief can be so quiet and piecemeal sometimes.

6. i spy the beginnings of actual arcs for both gar and kory! i just hope that with the move to gotham their stories don’t fall to the wayside...

6.5. i’ve known tim drake for less than ten minutes but if anything were to happen to him i’d kill everybody

7. this review has gone on for too long and i am tiRED. however, before i leave: i miss some of the dedication-to-aesthetic that titans season 1 used to have. remember how the first few episodes didn’t really feel like a superhero show but something out of gothic horror? there was something gorgeous and raw about that, about open landscapes and the road and creepy buildings looming up at the end of it. moving to titans tower in s2 really ruined a lot of that for me, given its ripped-from-architectural-digest aesthetic, all smooth and clean and artificial.

i hope that we really explore gotham’s hellscape in interesting and innovative ways instead of camping out in the batcave all the time and indulging in the show’s unending love for long corridors, neon backlights and silhouettes.

8.....

9. wait, fuck, HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT HOT PSYCHIATRIST GUY (TM)??? NONE of you prepared me for his return! NONE OF YOU! i gasped! i got up and did a happy dance!

listen, titans writers, if you’ve had a peek at my titans s3 wishlist, please go ahead and give the other items on the list a go too, thankyouverymuch.

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #jason todd #dick grayson #bruce wayne #barbara gordon #a tragic jalebi #a byronic cupcake

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castielsangelsx · 4 years

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Me Before You (ModernIvar! x Reader) Part One

Summary: Ivar is less than happy with your help.

(hope its okay, let me know what you guys think so far.)

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It was the day you had lost your job at a cafe, the cafe you had been working at for over 5 years. Coming home to tell your family that you no longer had a job meant that your hopes for your future dwindled to nothing. All your dreams crushed all because the small cafe down the road was out of business.

However, the advert that seemed to give you an ounce of hope had popped up on your job search that night. It seemed like fate.

Laying on your bed with your laptop propped on your stomach and your older sister, Lily, laying by your side.

There the ad said:

HOUSEKEEPER AND CAREGIVER

SKILLS: N/A

URGENT HIRING

So typing away your details onto the application requirement, with your fingers crossed and toes crossed for a chance. Lily squeezed your shoulder, "you sure this job would suit you? I mean theirs no skills required, at least that'll fit." You let out an offended scoff, and she laughs jokingly. "I'm kidding, but seriously. The interviews are in a day, are you sure? This city has plenty of jobs out there, don't give up hope." You sigh at the reality of her words.

"I know Lil, but I mean, this doesn't look too bad." She smiles and gives you a reassuring squeeze on your arm—scanning over the details of the interview.

"I know that cafe, isn't it underneath that apartment complex?" You furrow your eyebrows and attempt to visualize the location of her specification. "Anyway, are there any other details for the job." Scanning over the application, you found nothing of importance but the email address you needed to send your resume and references. Aslaug Lothbrok.

Your sister looked over the name for a moment and hummed, "Lothbrok sounds familiar." You tilt your head and look over the title once more. The ring of the last name bounced along with your brain.

"Yeah, it does. Anyway, I better be preparing for that interview. I need something to wear." Hopping up onto your feet, scanning your cupboard, your sister laughs.

----

You'd arrived at the interview half an hour early, with nervous jitters and a full cup of coffee, you had discarded as a result of the nerves, you sat outside the cafe. The cafe you had arrived at was small but modern and was located directly underneath a tall apartment complex.

You hadn't realized how long it had been since you had an interview because you had completely forgotten how to think of answers in your own head. The time had sped, chewing away at your nails and rereading your resume you had read in an attempt to calm the jitters.

"Miss L/n?" You nod quickly looking to meet a tall woman. Standing up straight as fast as you could, she lends her hand out to shake, and you shake it. She was gorgeous. She had thin oval eyes and a perfect smile. She was far from what you envisioned.

She wore neat clothes, she was professional, and her stature supported that idea for sure.

Motioning to the small table and chair set within the little cafe, you took a seat. With a copy of your resume in hand, you pass it over to Aslaug as she holds a clipboard in hand.

She looks over your resume before looking up at you again, looking you over for a moment.

"Your previous employer says you're hardworking and chatty?" She looks over your resume with care.

"Yes," you say with a forced smile on your face. Anxiety eating away at your gut, your leg shaking up and down onto the ground.

"Any previous caregiving roles?" She asks, tilting her head in question.

"Um, not really, I've cared for my grandfather once after he broke his hip." You mentally facepalm at your words. She furrows her eyebrows and looks to you,

"Have you had any experience with osteogenesis imperfecta?" Your eyes widened, oh lord.

"Um, no, ma'am, I have not." She furrowed her eyebrows at your answer. You knew this was the end. "I can learn, I'm a fast learner." Aslaug raised her eyebrows now and then looked down at her clipboard.

"Why should I give you this job? You have demonstrated a lack of response to my key question." You were desperate. This job meant the world.

"I'm sorry I just really need a job. I'm a quick learner, and I would be happy to help your husband in any way."

"My husband?" She asked with her head tilted and shock on her face, "No, this is for my son Ivar." You gulp harshly.

"I can make a mean cup of tea." You say, with a hopeful smile on your face, and she seemed to soften her features. She looked you over for a moment before sighing.

"Would you like the job?" She asked, and your eyes widened in complete shock. You nod vigorously.

"Of course."

"You've got the job." Your smile turns wide, and without thought, she stands up, and with a handful of keys, she hands them to you. "These are the apartment keys, I'll show you the way up. Ivar isn't to be woken, so these keys will be of help."

Nodding at her words before placing them into your handbag. Leading the way towards the elevator past a set of doors, you step inside. She presses on the 4th level and looks ahead.

"Your son lives here?" She hums in response to your curiousty. A calm quiet settles as she shuffles with the clipboard in hand. You still were dumbfounded that you had gotten the job. Even more that you were directly sitting under your place of work.

"I've attached the number of the apartment floor and door to the keys, but I'll show you to the apartment."

"I hope that keeping house maintenance, preparing meals, and getting him up every morning will be okay." She almost states, you nod and hum. How hard could cleaning be? I mean, you were beyond happy to have a job that cleaning and cooking seemed nothing.

Reaching the fourth level, she steps out, and you follow. The hallway was neat and left a few doors on each side to number 23, where Aslaug stopped. Using the keys in her hand to open the door, you're met with a sight you did not expect.

Mess. A big mess. Junk and piles of clothes scattered everywhere, you questioned the job in question. Aslaug sighs at your wide-eyed response. You had completely forgotten who you were here for, her son, Ivar.

"Ivar, she's here." She shouts. You didn't expect anyone to be home, considering the mess was unlivable, and the apartment was quiet. To be fair, it no longer looked like an apartment but the result of a house party.

However, as you head the sound of crutches and a tall, dark-haired male enter the room through another door, expected to be from the bedroom, Ivar appeared. He was nothing you has suspected, long hair and tired eyes. You were staring. You barely even noticed his imperfect legs before Ivar scoffed in your direction.

Shifting in his spot from the crutches, Ivar narrows his eyes and studies you, and you gulp. Aslaug clears her throat, "This is y/n, she's here to stay." She almost says it as a warning. As if I wasn't the first one who she had brought to the wrecked house.

"I'll let you two settle, I'll just fix up the paperwork for your wages." You nod and smile at her, looking to her as she walks out the door, giving you one more look before leaving. Almost waiting for you to run away with her.

Looking back towards Ivar, he clenches his jaw and looks you over with distaste, "come to help the crippled?" You furrow your eyebrows at his almost attempts at an insult.

"Um."

"She says you're chatty." You nod and smile and his interjection. His face was tense and laced with distaste. Realizing his words wasn't a compliment, your smile fades.

You sure missed Aslaug's presence. Turning your head around, noticing the disarray of what looked to be the kitchen. Dishes stacked up onto the bench and sink. God, the mess was horrible.

"I'm y/n."

"Yeah, you've said that." He says plainly. With a staggering step with his crutch, he shifts in his spot with distaste laced on his face.

"Well, I do not need your help," Ivar limps towards the balcony with this crutch in his hand, leaving you amidst the mess in the kitchen. The new area made you uncomfortable, but you weren't paid by him, so that gave you some reassurance.

Fiddling with your bag, you waited by the kitchen, taking note of the mess. Looking out towards the balcony entered from the living room, Ivar's back turned to you.

You waited for Aslaug to return. You sure missed serving coffee at the cafe. This was going to be a weird job starting tomorrow, Ivar would surely warm up to you. Right?

TAGLIST: @youbloodymadgenius @gruffle1 @lonewolf471

#vikings ivar #ivar imagine #ivar lothbrok #Ivar Bjørnson #ivar #ivar x you #ivar x plus size reader #ivar x reader #modern ivar #vikingseries #viking imagines #vikings ubbe #vikings imagine #vikings x reader imagines #vikings x reader

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mogsk · 3 years

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So I watched an anime called “Violet Evergarden” recently, the elevator pitch of which is basically “feral girl is taken in by military man, turned into a child soldier, military man dies, but not before telling her ‘I love you’, but she doesn’t know what that means, so after the war she becomes a ghostwriter with the ostensible aim of figuring out what ‘I love you’ means through other people’s expressions of love via letter-writing.

It’s a good little concept, and while I enjoyed it, it’s also stuck in my brain as being profoundly odd from a storytelling perspective.

Like, the initial premise is v strong, Violet’s driving objective is to understand the last thing she heard her father figure, “The Major”, say to her before she blacked out and woke up with no arms. She was a feral orphan child with little grasp of language or expression, and so she is burdened with not understanding what this very important person to her was trying to convey before they parted ways. Good shit.

And it seems to carry this fairly well at first. Each episode varies in how much it advances the central plot, but each boils down to Violet having to learn a lesson about how people express their feelings for each other, how they express love through words, or how they fail to do so, and so slowly she goes from only being able to produce very precise and terse letters which read more like military reports, to being able to swoop in and fix people’s interpersonal problems with the power of a well-dictated love note.

Where it kinda falls apart for me is about halfway through the series, where we see that Violet has more or less grown into her role as protagonist in an anime about the power of letter writing and the meaning of love (-ish). She’s gotten so good she’s tasked with facilitating one half of a romantic correspondence between the nobles of two nations whose relations are still tense after The War (which Violet fought in), and so have decided to arrange a marriage between their noble children -- a 14-year old girl and a 24-year old man.

Now up to that point, the messaging around the central theme felt odd, but it made sense, like, Violet is growing to understand love, and so how the show does this is by giving her a lot of weird and fraught situations around that theme: we have a woman who is in love with a man, but she wants to play hard to get which Violet ruins by writing a letter that just directly states ‘I have no feelings for you, please stop calling on me’. So then she goes to letter-writing school where one of her classmates has an alcoholic brother who she wants to express her love and thanks towards, but doesn’t know how to pierce the barrier of grief surrounding him due to the death of their parents in The War.

It keeps on like this p consistently, the central question “What is love? What does someone mean when they say ‘I love you’?” is addressed fairly cleanly, but then, once the issue of Violet’s struggle with being able to convey people’s emotions becomes effectively resolved, we kinda start to leave the rails!

Back to the mid-point episode, so, through trying to properly convey this 14yo princess’ feelings, Violet learns what her true feelings are. No, it’s not that she is discontent with being forced to marry a man ten years older than her because, you see, they already secretly met at a royal party when she was, like...10?? And he found her crying and was, like, “Hey kid, you okay?” and that was the first genuine expression of human emotion outside of her dutiful maid she’d ever gotten. You see, what her discontent is is that she knows the man she met, with a heart so simple and pure he feels compelled to comfort a crying child, would never write these letters, and so Violet conspires with the prince’s ghostwriter to allow them to have a more honest correspondence (which is then reprinted in all the newspapers around both countries.)

What got me about this episode is how it, like, throws all these different narrative threads in the air around this central theme of “What is love?” -- the concept of arranged marriage, the idea of confusing appreciating someone’s kindness for having other feelings for them, the MAID who is, like, the princess’ closest friend and confidant, but who has to explain that, once she’s married off, they will have to part ways because she doesn’t serve the princess, she serves the royal family and there’s this great scene where the princess is weeping after she says that and the maid is like “I cannot accept that command, I will continue standing here right by your side” and it’s really intense!

But then...it all gets dropped in the interest of the final note being...yeah sometimes you have to marry a guy in his twenties when you’re just a teenager, but love’s just funny like that ig!

Which sounds ungenerous, and like, I wanted that to be the case, I wanted it to be setting up something, like, “Despite Violet gaining proficiency in letter writing, she still is struggling to understand the more nuanced dimensions of love and so her shortsightedness will come back round to bite her in the ass” (it does not, we even get a montage of all the people she’s helped including the newly married royal couple smiling happily at the camera.)

We then get more episodes like this, where Violet’s done learning about Love and is now in effect teaching it to others. She does this by...sitting and looking pretty with a guy while they wait for a comet to go by, imitating a playwright’s dead daughter so he can be inspired to finish his play, and...writing a bunch of letters on behalf of a mother dying from anime mom disease, but who wants to be able to speak to her daughter as she grows up through a series of pre-written birthday letters.

And, like, in isolation, it’s all very moving! Each story has a very touching emotional drive to it, but it seems like the question of “What does ‘I love you’ mean?” p much falls to the wayside, even after we get the big 3/4s of the way through reveal that the Major is dead and Violet didn’t know! So we’re treated to flashbacks of their relationship, including the moment where he repeats that damning phrase!

But then we really don’t pick it back up again? It kinda superficially grows in relevance as we approach the conclusion, but it’s never again properly addressed until after a sudden spat of military drama breaks out with people trying to reignite The War and Violet suddenly having to put down her typewriter and pick up her combat knife, but now, for some reason, she refuses to kill people because...she isn’t just a tool?

And I think this is what ultimately frustrated me, is that those are two great themes “Discovering what it means to love” and “Can a person conditioned to fulfill a specific purpose ever be free to choose their own path?” but the problem is, the series really has centered itself on the former while kinda sorta implying the latter, but in the final scenes, we are suddenly given a resolution to the latter (which is basically Metal Gear Solid, “You are not your DNA”, “Just live Snake” that’s been done beautifully and with more thought already by, well, Metal Gear Solid) whereas the former, what was the entire driving force behind Violet’s character development is kinda sorta hand-waved off as “What is love? I still don’t think I know, but maybe that’s just how it is!” which is fucked up coming from someone who by the midway point is basically counselling or facilitating love between people!

So, like, I enjoyed it a lot, there were some great moments and the supporting cast, while mostly one-dimensional save for Violet herself, made for at least nice scenery, but I’m just so blown away by how they seemed to manage to forget (or ceased wanting) to tell the story they laid out in the beginning in favor of some p uniform military drama that suffered precisely because most of the series was dedicated to developing the central theme that it ultimately seemed to abandon, or perhaps came across as being burdened with having to carry into the conclusion.

Also it was super fixated on dads, like, The Major is basically Violet’s dad, his best buddy who goes on to hire Violet as a ghostwriter has a big reveal in the end that he’s been writing letters to his hypothetical future child, the sad dad playwright with the dead daughter -- I dunno what to do with all this besides the usual base level of suspicion I have for all dead-heavy content, but yeah!

There’s two movies, a side story from mid-way through the series and a sequel, and I feel like I almost have to watch them at some point, just so I can tie a neater bow on how I experienced this whole story, but yeah, Violet Evergarden, come for the cool metal typing hands, stay for the heartfelt explorations of what it means to love people, shift nervously in your seat when dads suddenly become involved!

#spoilers

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hopelesshawks · 3 years

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Physical Fatality Part 6- Ultimatum

18+ Hawks x fem, pro hero!reader

Summary: You’re a rising star in All Might’s agency. Hawks is the darling of Endeavor’s. By virtue of your job descriptions, the two of you are supposed to hate each other, or at the very least be cautiously neutral. For a long time that’s exactly what the two of you did. You stayed out of each other’s way and formed little opinion of the other. One fateful night at an HPSC gala changes all that. Based on the album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom by Halsey.

If you don’t want to see Physical Fatality content blacklist #hopelesspf

This story will have multiple NSFW parts so it is 18+ ONLY minors dni

Warnings for descriptions of unprotected vaginal, minor wing kink

Masterlist

Hawks knows what he’s been doing the past several weeks isn’t fair to you. In his defense, he was attempting to reconcile two different facts in his head. Fact 1: He is completely in love with you. Fact 2: He is completely loyal to Endeavor. Some days fact 1 wins out and he acts the perfect almost boyfriend. He helped you move into your apartment with Mina, he’d leave little gifts on your desk if he found something that made him think of you, and he kept things quiet so the reporters and your coworkers wouldn’t sniff out potential scandal. But some days fact 2 wins and he hesitates and grows distant. It’s not so much that he sees it as betraying Endeavor. He always has and always will think the Endeavor-All Might feud is dumb. But he knows that Endeavor will see it as a betrayal and like it or not Hawks owes a lot to Endeavor.

He sees the way you constantly try to anticipate how the press will interpret your every little move. Frankly, it looks like it makes an already exhausting job even more so. All you want to do is save people and instead you spend a nontrivial part of your day hyper analyzing your every move to anticipate the next day’s headlines. The other day you’d confessed to him that another bad headline could literally mean the end of your time at All Might’s agency and Hawks can’t even imagine that level of stress. And therein lies the problem. The only reason Hawks can’t imagine it is because the HPSC wiped all record of his name and Endeavor agreed to hire him once he completed training. So it’s not so much that being with you feels like a betrayal as it is that at some point he’ll have to tell Endeavor and when he does there will be hell to pay.

You know what Hawks has been doing the past several weeks isn’t fair to you. The hot and cold, on and off again is starting to give you whiplash. At first it was ignorable, after all you were busy settling into your new place so you spent quite a bit of your limited free time getting to know the woman you’d be living with from now on. Mina is a goddamn firecracker and you love her for it. Sure you’d seen some of her antics on Instagram before but you assumed it was all for the camera. Now as her roommate you’re realizing that’s just how Mina is. So for the first week Mina kept you busy even when Hawks would be in one of his weird distant moods. Then more time passed and it started to irk you. Was it or was it not his idea for this to not be a one time thing? So why was he being so distant suddenly.

Then the first fight happened. It was one of those days Hawks had been oddly distant. The task force had managed to narrow the possible groups responsible for the terrorist attack down to five and Hawks insisted each of you should take one to run surveillance on and the sixth person could coordinate. You thought it was a better use of resources to assign some of the lower ranked heroes to the surveillance and have the task force just coordinate and analyze what came through. “Don’t you think it’ll be a little suspicious if we suddenly aren’t doing our usual rounds because we're performing surveillance? Plus a lower ranked hero won't draw as much attention!" you argued. "This case is way too sensitive for us to be working off second hand information!" Hawks fired back. “I don’t know how you all do things over at Endeavor’s agency but our lower ranked heroes are competent enough to handle some simple surveillance,” you pointed out with a of roll your eyes. “What? Like Monoma?” Hawks shot back. “Maybe we should reel it in guys,” Midoriya tried to intervene but it was too late. “Yea like Monoma. What about it?” you replied, anger starting to build. “Just seems like a conflict of interest to me,” he shrugged. “A conflict of interest?” “That’s what I said isn’t it?” “Oh fuck off.” “So you’re not denying it.” “I am literally the first person to shit on Monoma in almost any situation but he’s a good hero.” “Interesting.” “Are you trying to die bird brain?” “OK! That’s enough!” Midoriya finally interrupted. “We’ll present both plans to Endeavor and All Might, let them decide,” Shoto had said simply. In the end they decided on Hawks’ plan.

The two of you probably should’ve talked out your almost relationship then. It was obvious to everyone else in the room that the argument was, fundamentally, not about task delegation, but you and Hawks were in denial and the angry sex afterwards made it easier to kiss, makeup, and just pretend it never happened. Except it did happen. And it happened again and again. On the good days you two are amazing, all sweet words and loving looks. On the bad days you’re a ticking time bomb. Every time you try to address it Hawks gives you absolutely nothing back. It’s driving you nuts. A fact you frequently make apparent to Bakugo and Midoriya. “Oh my god enough already,” Bakugo groans, interrupting your ongoing rant about the difficulties of being almost with Hawks. “Oh I’m sorry are my problems bothering you?” you ask sarcastically. “Look, we get it. He started this shit and now he won’t finish it. But if he won’t then why don’t you fucking finish it yourself,” Bakugo points out. “Kacchan has a point,” Midoriya adds in. “Not you too Izu,” you pout. “Don’t give me that look, I’m just saying maybe it is time to put your foot down,” he elaborates. “I’ve tried talking to him and he never tells me what’s going on with him,” you sigh. “Then stop talking and just hit him with an ultimatum,” Bakugo scoffs. “Yea! Tell him he has to make a decision now or you’re done,” Midoriya agrees. “What if he decides he doesn’t want this?” you ask. “Then it’s his loss,” Midoriya says. “Yea and we’ll kick his ass for it,” Bakugo adds. You really do have the best friends.

Hawks doesn’t know what to expect when you ask him to stick around after the task force meeting, but the thumbs up Midoriya gives you and the warning look Bakugo gives him don’t exactly bode well. Shoto exchanges a look with Hawks to confirm he’ll be fine and, when Hawks nods, Shoto and Tokoyami take their leave behind their former classmates. “So what’s up?” Hawks asks once the two of you are finally alone. “We need to talk about us,” you tell him and you can already feel him preparing to argue you down from having this conversation. “(Y/n)-“ he starts, but you’re not having it, not this time, so you cut him off. “I don’t want to fight right now. I know you’re always right. But even though you’ve been through the ups and downs with me, and even though I care a lot about you, you don’t seem to feel the same.” “That’s not true,” he refutes but even he knows his actions lately haven’t exactly conveyed how much he feels for you. “Really? Because we’ve been through it all, met each other’s moms, shared each other’s tragic backstories but lately, when it comes to talking about us, you can never spit it out for me. It’s like I’m trying to talk to a wall but you can never tear it down for me,” you insist. “That’s what happens when you ask personal questions while we’re still at work.” “What other choice do I have? You never pick up or call me.” “Maybe I just need more time.” “We’re running out of time.” “We don’t have to be! Let’s just talk this through later.” “No, we’ve done enough talking. It’s gotta be right now. I want you to hold me down forever, I do, but it’s your choice. Will you love me now or never?”

Hawks stares at you trying to process what you’ve said. He isn’t oblivious. He knows you’ve been getting frustrated with him being hot and cold. He knows the two of you getting involved was his idea in the first place. He knows he hasn’t been open with you about why he’s suddenly so hesitant. But he still hasn’t decided how to reconcile his love for you with his loyalty to Endeavor, so he still hesitates. “Can we please just figure this out later,” he pleads instead of answering as he reaches for you but you step back and out of his reach. “No. I’m drawing the line. I wasted two years of my life chasing something that wasn’t real with Monoma. I refuse to do it again. Especially when being with you literally puts my career at risk. So you don’t get to take any more time up. I need you to make your mind up. You’ve gotta decide Keigo. Now or never,” you insist.

It hits him then just how serious you are. There’s no talking his way out of this one. It really is now or never and something about the choice feels fateful. As if how he responds to you right now will determine his destiny. Almost his whole life he’s been looking for the kind of earth shattering, all consuming love you see in movies and tv shows. Something to fill the void his parents and the HPSC hollowed into him as a child. The stakes are so much higher with you than with the previous women he’s dated and he’s always been such a lousy gambler. Are you really the best bet? His mind is spinning with the daunting choice in front of him but then you sigh full of resignation and heartache and start to leave. It’s like someone mainlined ice water directly into his veins because suddenly the never is real. It’s real and terrifying and it’s about to be solidified by you walking out that door and he can’t. He absolutely can’t imagine his life without you in it right now so he lunges forward and grabs hold of your wrist. “Now! Fuck baby, I choose now,” he insists so desperately and when you turn to face him you both look absolutely cracked open.

The two of you collide together, mouths finding each other immediately. There is so much need and want and relief in that one kiss because for a horrifying moment both of you felt what it would be like to never have each other again. To never again feel that unique magnetism that constantly pulls you both together. Or worse, to feel it and yet be forever condemned to ignoring it. Keigo pulls you against him by your hips and his grip is hard enough you wonder if you’ll bruise. You make quick work of each other’s shirts and pants, desperate to be closer to each other. One of his hands reaches down to rub you through your panties and you’re already so wet for him. The little gasp you give at his feather light touches is absolutely intoxicating and he can’t believe that he almost lost this. Lost you. “I’m so sorry Love. So sorry I made you wait,” he whispers against your lips as he slips his fingers past the damp material of your underwear to stroke along your sex. “I need you Kei,” you whimper. “You have me.” “All of you. I need all of you.”

You don’t have to tell him twice.

The floor of the conference room perhaps isn’t the most ideal place to finally consummate your love but neither of you has the strength or desire to complain or postpone this moment. Scratchy carpet or the finest silk sheets, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that the two of you are together and finally, finally you can call him yours and he can call you his. So when he’s on top of you, underwear cast aside and nothing left to separate the two of you, you can’t even feel what’s beneath you. All you feel is his erection pressing at your entrance, his chest pressed to yours, and both of your hearts hammering in your chests as if anxious to beat against each other. You feel him in each and every one of your senses. As he presses into you, you both gasp at the sensation and just like that first time it’s so, so overwhelming. You clutch desperately at him to bring him impossibly closer and by the time he bottoms out inside you, you’re both on the verge of tears. “I love you,” he confesses and he thinks it may be the first time he’s ever meant it so utterly and completely. “I love you too,” you reply and for the first time in a long time the words don’t feel like ash on your tongue.

He starts moving his hips and it’s heaven. Each thrust into you feels like a solidification of the bond the two of you have formed over the past couple months since meeting. For the first time since Keigo had started getting distant it feels uncomplicated and you’re reminded again of why you’d thrown out all your rules for this man. This wild, beautiful man you could now call yours. You slide one hand along his back until you get to the base of one of his wings. You run your fingers through the soft plumage and delight in the shiver it draws out of him. One of his hands goes between the two of you to stimulate your sensitive clit and with each thrust you’re both seeing stars. His free hand finds yours to entangle your fingers together and he suspects that the tingling he feels throughout his whole body has less to do with the sex itself and more to do with you and the wondrous revelation that you want all of him, even the broken bits, just as much as he wants all of you. He ups the amount of pressure he’s applying to your clit and you tighten your grip on his feathers to match and soon you’re both hurtling over the edge into climax. You moan each other’s names into the limited space between you but there are multitudes contained therein.

You moan each other’s names but it sounds like I love you.

You moan each other’s names but it sounds like wedding bells and a family.

You moan each other’s names but it sounds like forever.

Author’s Note: This chapter feels short and I can’t tell if it’s because it’s actually short or I’m just paranoid about it being short because I made y’all wait a little bit for it. I’m happy with it or at least happy enough to post it but it’s not my favorite part that I’ve written for this series so far. I’ll try to make sure the next part is longer again to compensate for this one ❤️

Taglist [open]: @akkaso @cathy8taffy @eeppff @iikillerkitteh @pixelwisp

#hopelesspf #hawks #wing hero hawks #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n

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scriveyner · 4 years

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kinktober (2020): #15

Prompt #15: Dubcon

Explicit, SSKK/Akuatsu, bg DaChuu ~1000 words

Atsushi pinned him, tail thrashing in the air, and snapping his teeth at the tendrils of Rashomon that drew too close to him. Slightly dazed and more than a little pissed, Akutagawa went to shove Atsushi off but Atsushi weighed more and seemed to have little interest in moving, hissing at Rashomon. "Weretiger," Akutagawa said icily, palm on Atsushi's shoulder and shoving. "Get off me."

Read on AO3 or

Akutagawa barely made it through the bedroom door when he was hit midsection by a flying tackle out of nowhere. Instincts prevailed, Rashomon surging from the turtleneck he was wearing; but the weaponized ability did little but manage to prevent him from slamming his head into the dresser as they both ended up on the floor.

Directly addressing him drew Atsushi's attention. The ears poking through his silver hair swiveled and he looked down at Akutagawa as if actually noticing his prey for the first time, pupils blown wide. He blinked once, twice—and then leaned in low, giving Akutagawa a thorough sniff.

"Stop, stop that," Akutagawa tried to roll and get his arms underneath so that he could force Atsushi up that way, but that turned out to be a mistake as he was now properly pinned down, with Atsushi continuing to sniff at his hair and the back of his neck. "Why are you acting even more like an overgrown housecat than normal today?" Akutagawa grunted, worming Rashomon between them in an attempt to break free of his suddenly overly-affectionate roommate.

Atsushi gave no actual response but started purring, still sniffing at his neck. Akutagawa fully expected there to be a wet nose at some point and was somewhat relieved that there wasn't. However, he wasn't prepared for Atsushi to latch onto the back of his neck via his mouth, needle-sharp teeth going straight through the fabric of his turtleneck and latching into his skin. Akutagawa grunted, started slapping behind his head and looking to smack at Atsushi, hoping to startle him into releasing—when Atsushi's hands went to work yanking his trousers down.

Wait.

"If you do not release me," Akutagawa growled, "I will do something we both will regret—"

Undeterred, perhaps uncomprehending, Atsushi yanked Akutagawa's briefs down, fumbled with his own pants blindly while not releasing Akutagawa's neck once. There was precious little time for Akutagawa to do anything but brace himself as Atsushi started seeking with the head of his cock, pushing up against him until he gained entrance, dry as it was.

Akutagawa snarled into the carpet, hands curled into fists as Atsushi humped against him, purring the entire while. It hurt, no lube to ease the friction but that didn't seem to faze Atsushi in the slightest. He thrust hard but shallowly, not getting as deep as Akutagawa typically liked it. The worst of it was that everything was starting to feel good regardless, Atsushi mounted on him like this, the weight and the warmth of him—Akutagawa gritted his teeth and tried desperately to ignore the way his loins stirred.

When Atsushi finally came Akutagawa figured they were done; except that Atsushi didn't pull out, kept thrusting—but now the friction eased significantly and it really started to feel good, the way it was supposed to. Atsushi finally released his neck and Akutagawa put his cheek to the carpet, slid his hand down underneath him and started stroking his cock, eyes closed.

Atsushi's fingers curled into his hips, one hand pushed up under the bottom of his turtleneck, and his thrusts went deeper now, sliding over that spot that made him shudder every time. "Fuck," Akutagawa hissed, squeezing the basing of his cock as his climax took him; he didn't bother trying to contain the spill as his fluids splattered down the front of his shirt and onto the carpet beneath him. He shuddered, contracting, and was honestly too wrung out to tell if Atsushi came a second time or not when he finally pulled out.

Breathing heavily, Atsushi released him and Akutagawa lay on his belly for a long time, panting audibly. He listened to the bedsprings creak as Atsushi hopped up on the mattress and finally turned his head, only to see Atsushi sitting perched on the edge of the mattress and cleaning his hand daintly with his tongue. He caught the movement of his thumping tail out of the corner of his eye and turned his head quickly, and then suddenly went tail over teakettle and out of Akutagawa's line of sight, though the ground-shaking thud told him everything he needed to know.

"My head is killing me," Atsushi moaned, one elbow on the toilet seat and his forehead pressed to his palm. "What happened?"

Akutagawa sat on the edge of the tub and supervised, because despite it all he had some weird affection for his weretiger. He pulled out the small jar he'd found lying on the floor in the kitchen when he had finally staggered out of the bedroom in search of sustenance. He held it up wordlessly, so it caught the light, and Atsushi lifted his head and squinted at it. "You ate it all," he said, turning the jar between two fingers.

"What…?" Atsushi retched but didn't throw up again, thankfully. "What is that? I thought it was…" he squinted again, clearly trying to rewind to a reasonable point in his memory but couldn't quite get there. "I don't know what I thought it was."

"Maybe," Akutagawa said, "don't eat an entire fucking jar of catnip next time."

"Why do we even have that?" Atsushi moaned. He lifted his head again and met Akutagawa's eye, and they both said, at the same time with varying levels of resignation, "Dazai."

Dazai sneezed so hard Chuuya looked down at him with actual concern, taking his eyes off the road for a second. "Are you okay?"

Dazai rubbed his nose with the palm of his free hand and sniffed for a moment, then gave Chuuya a cheerful grin. "I think I've finally developed an allergic reaction to slugs," he announced, and Chuuya rolled his eyes.

"No, I think you just sneezed your brain loose," he said, pushing his right hand through Dazai's hair. Dazai gave him another cheeky grin, though he wasn't looking this time, hand on the steering wheel, so Dazai nosed at his dick again before continuing where he left off.

#bungou stray dogs #shin soukoku #sskk #akuatsu #skk #dachuu #kinktober #lemony fresh

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forestwater87 · 4 years

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Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole.

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that).

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84 calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak.

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y.

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here.

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit.

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call!

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do.

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode.

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic.

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff!

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise.

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it.

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation.

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . .

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere.

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great.

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual.

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one.

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy.

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously.

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season.

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen.

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful.

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale).

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family.

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much.

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised.

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results.

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

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God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny.

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been.

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #thank you RT Animation for giving me my life these past 4 years #cc david #cc max #cc gwen #i'm not tagging all the characters #campcamp masterpost #i really hope this doesn't get hidden from the tags but #guys this was a super intense labor of love please check it out #but also reading it is also a super intense labor so i get it if you don't XD

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momentofmemory · 4 years

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FICTOBER 2020 - day four

Prompt #4: “That didn’t stop you before.”

Fandom: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Characters: May Parker, Tony Stark, Peter Parker (mentioned)

Words: 1809

Author’s Note: May and Tony will get along one day, but it’s going to be a rough ride, and neither of them are going to like the journey. Set immediately post HOCO, May POV. Possibly the first in a series.

>> eight feet and we started on the wrong one

It takes May two-and-a-half hours to drive from her apartment in Queens to the new Avengers facility in Upstate.

Spider-Man’s suit—Peter’s suit—sits hidden in a brown paper bag in the passenger’s seat, looking for all the world like one of the packed lunches Ben would make for Peter in elementary school. Peter’s old enough that he can make his own lunches now, though, so he hasn’t had one since—since.

Ben would be disappointed in her if he knew.

Peter’s still at home, both because he’s very, very grounded, and because she’s about to have a conversation she doesn’t want him anywhere near. Super hearing is apparently among her nephew’s multitude of powers, and considering he’d claimed to hear a heartbeat from across the room, she’s pretty sure there’s not building in all of New York large enough to give her the privacy she needs.

She’s going to be much, much louder than a heartbeat.

The Compound looms in the distance, and she does her best to feel as unflappable as she looks as she approaches the security entrance.

Two-and-a-half hours had felt like a lot of time when she’d pulled the address up on Maps, but all she’s conjured in terms of an attack plan is a losing battle between righteous anger and overwhelming guilt.

She pulls to a stop in front of the tall metal gates, hyper aware of all the doubtlessly lethal security that’s surrounding her. There’s a moment of silence, then a bored voice broadcasts over one of the speakers.

“This facility is for Avengers or cleared personnel only. Please present a valid ID or contact our PR representative to state your business—”

May pulls the suit out of the bag and lets it unfurl out the window, making sure the red and blue spandex is in plain view of the cameras.

She waits.

The intercom crackles back to life, and a new, much more cautious voice addresses her. “…Thank you for coming, Ms. Parker. Your security clearance has been added to the system. Please proceed to the front entrance where Mr. Hogan can assist you—”

“Stark,” May says. The knuckles on her right hand turn white against the steering wheel. “Mr. Stark will be meeting with me.”

Another long, drawn out pause. Then a third voice enters the mix, and this time, she’s able to identify the perpetually-confident speaker on the other side.

“Thanks for stopping by, May. I’d be happy to meet with you.”

May squashes down the thrill of anxiety and rage that fills her at the sound of him as the first voice takes back over.

“Please proceed through the gate down the center lane. At the first fork in the road, turn left. This will lead you directly to the Avengers parking deck, where you will park on row E and take the south elevator to floor 7. An employee will meet you in the landing area to take you to Mr. Stark’s office.”

“Thank you,” May says, cheerfully, as if she’s given entry instructions to highly secured bases every day.

She can’t afford to appear nervous, so she aims for unconcerned—even if it makes her look a little ditzy.

Being underestimated is always an advantage.

The red lasers crossing the path blink twice before disappearing altogether, and then the heavy steel gates swing open at a belabored pace.

She pulls the suit back into the car and drives forward. In the privacy of her own thoughts, she tries not to dwell on how she’s just earned herself a one-on-one with arguably the most powerful man in the world.

(The most powerful man in the world who’s had near total access to her kid for the last two months, who offered to have him live somewhere else, who was going to tell the whole world his secret before he told her—)

Her stomach twists angrily.

(At least, she tells herself it’s anger.)

She drives into the deck and parks the car.

The suit is still lying in the passenger’s seat. May considers it, then carefully folds it back up and slips it into the bag. Then she steps out of the car and locks the door, leaving it inside.

It may have been Stark technology, but it was Parker property now.

The woman that meets her inside the building doesn’t say much, spending most of their shared time scanning her past enough security to let May know there was no way of getting in or out without their approval. She’s not sure if it’s an intimidation tactic or just the way things work here.

She adds it to the list of the many things she doesn’t know, and sits down in a chair outside of Tony Stark’s office to wait.

The conversation between her and Peter had been a very, very long one, and a very, very emotional one. She hasn’t processed any of it yet, because every time she tries, her brain stalls out on the fact that Peter’s story has enough holes in it to masquerade as one of Ben’s old socks. In fact, the only thing consistently more disturbing than all the danger he’d been in was all the times he couldn’t tell her why he was in danger to begin with.

The man at the desk hangs up the phone and waves in her direction. “Mr. Stark will see you now, Ms. Parker.”

“Mrs. Parker,” May says, because it hasn’t even been a year yet.

The secretary doesn’t seem to care either way, but the finer points of naming etiquette aren’t why May’s here anyway.

It’s time to get some answers.

Stark practically leaps out of his chair when she walks in, radiating enough charm to power a small light show, but with a clear undercurrent of nerves that belies his confidence.

“Well, if it isn’t May Parker,” he says, entirely smiles, “looking as fine as ever.”

Just like that, the anxiety she’s been masking as anger all day morphs into nothing but pure anger.

“What the hell, Stark.”

It’s not the careful or naive approach she’d originally envisioned, and his jovial expression vanishes as quickly as her goodwill had. “Now wait, I know you’re a little upset, but—”

“A little upset?”

“Okay, a lot upset,” he concedes. “That’s just ‘cause it’s a lot to take in, but if we just take a minute—”

“Stark,” May interrupts, her fists curling tight enough to dig crescent moons into her skin, “it’s not a lot to take in because I don’t have anything yet.”

Stark blinks. “You don’t—you talked to the kid, right? That’s how you got the suit?”

It’s the genuine confusion that riles May—that Stark hasn’t even considered how little he’s told Peter, and therefore, how little Peter could’ve told her.

“I talked to Peter,” she says, and Stark’s eyes narrow further, “and he said he fought Captain America. Couldn’t say why.”

It’s a low blow—most of the chatter on the Avengers’ split agrees that the falling out was mostly between its two heads—but May’s already at a disadvantage, and she can’t afford to play fair on a field that’s not level.

Stark stares at her, but May doesn’t make a move. Then he walks back behind his desk, and sits in the chair, propping his feet up. “What happened between me and Cap was personal, May.”

“I don’t care about your bro fight, Tony.” If he’s going to call her by her first name, then she should return in kind. “It’s none of my business, because I’m not involved. And Peter wasn’t, either, until you dragged him into it.”

Stark has the decency to grimace. “We hadn’t escalated anything at that point, I swear. Peter was never in danger—”

“It’d escalated to the point where you were so scared you thought recruiting a fourteen-year-old boy you’d never met was a good option.”

Stark looks away at that. “Look, maybe I rushed it a little. But Pete’s a good kid, and he was gonna get involved in bigger stuff one way or another. Did you not see that little onesie he was running around in? Before I got to him? I’m protecting him.”

(Like you didn’t.)

“Yeah?” May snaps. “So what else have you done? Did you have him sign the Accords? Is there some pencil pushing government official that knows more about my kid than I do?”

“No, he’s just a minor—”

“Oh, you care about him being a minor now,” May says. “‘Cause that didn’t stop you before.”

Tony’s eyes flash. "Listen, honey—”

“Don’t call me that.”

“—it’s real rich of you to play the concerned aunt when you didn’t bat an eye at my asking him to come along in the first place. You’re the one that let your kid fly to Germany for a scholarship you never looked twice at—”

“How dare you assume what I looked at—”

“—and you’re the one that consented to let me talk to him in the first place—”

“So you agree that asking to talk to a minor, alone, about highly confidential information was way out of line?”

“—and you’re the super involved aunt that’s decided for some reason to just ignore all your kid’s weird behavior for the past six months, including but not limited to sneaking out of the house at all hours, dropping almost all of his extracurriculars, consistently lying about his location, and—”

“His uncle died!”

Her outburst stops his tirade in its tracks, but it’s not the silver bullet she wanted, because it’s too vulnerable; too close. And she knows she’s treading dangerous ground, knows she shouldn’t continue when the balance of power is so strongly weighted against her, but now that she’s started, she can’t stop.

“His uncle died, and he thinks it was his fault,” she says. “And hell, what do I know. Maybe it really was. But that is not the kind of mindset that prepares anyone, let alone a fourteen-year-old boy, to make informed decisions about who he trusts. Maybe we got really lucky this time, and you really are that great for him. ‘Cause as you’ve so eloquently proven, I clearly wasn’t.”

May pauses, taking in a breath, while Tony shifts uncomfortably. But he doesn’t try to interrupt.

"So what happens,” she finally says, “the next time some guy comes along with a nice smile and a cool costume, and tells him it’s totally okay to lie to the people responsible for him.”

Tony watches her for a moment, and she watches him right back. He reaches over and flicks the Newton’s Cradle on his desk into motion, then sighs.

“Yeah, okay,” he says. “Fair enough.”

He gestures towards the chair opposite him, and this time, May accepts it.

He clears his throat. “So what do you want from me.”

“The truth,” May says, unflinchingly. “All of it.”

“Okay.”

#fictober20 #may parker #tony stark #peter parker #marvel #fanfiction #spiderman #mcu #not anti anyone #but also no punches were pulled #memsfic

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shy-magpie · 3 years

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RQG 156

live blog under the cut

Heads up about half way through I realized I go a bit further into analysis on where Zolf & the Kobolds are mentally than some people might be comfortable with. Just as they trust us to back off if the episode gets to real, I am trusting you to close the tab if my little live blog is hitting you wrong. If it makes a difference I have years between me and the reason I relate to this stuff.

"In Memorium" they are trying to kill us Ah they lampshaded the speed intros Yes Alex it is rather Paris Right to Azu & Zolf. Oh he's jumping right in. And there's my first pause of the episode. No “better” isn't a magic finish line you pass then never find yourself in that place again. No, knowing that doesn't mean you don't wonder if your back at square one every time you realize You Are In A Bad Place and Not Handling it Well. Gosh Azu is good at this. Yeah learning to walk away is hard. Learning to ignore the part of yourself that says "and never come back for their sake" is harder. Symbolic much Alex (Zolf is too small for the room, Azu is too large) Yeah it would be easier to not blame Zolf for last episode if I related to him a bit less. Okay they are talking about Hamid and their concerns for him directly. Yeah Hamid's relationship with power & privilege is an arc; and without the Doylist level of trusting Bryn & Alex, I can see where even if you trust/like him you'd be worried about it. With the best of intentions people misuse power. Azu quoted Grizzop at Zolf. Didn't name him, wonder if Zolf is ever going ask directly about his replacement in canon or if its best left to fic. Its easy to dismiss one's own successes. Okay fair and OW, Zolf isn't up to talking about Sasha; which is the part of this I was most prepared for. Hell yeah! He is coming down but not going to be attempting to lead so as to relieve pressure on himself. Maybe if he can let Hamid step up without making a Kew Garden thing he'll see how much he's grown. Hopefully without that setting off a "Hamid does better without me" thing. Yeah intellectual knowledge and it feeling real on an emotional level are very different things. Alex, why does it matter what order they are in? ALEX? The necklace? The Heart of Aphrodite shaped necklace? Azu got a Sign from Aphrodite approving of her reaching out to Zolf as an act of love. Yes! Blue Black no take backs! Yeah those two (players) know exactly what they are doing: breaking my heart in the best ways and not skipping over the actual work those two (characters) need to put into their relationship with OOC "its all fine now"s. Ok that settles the timeline, Azu went up same night, the device isn't made yet. Yeah Zolf wouldn't, probably best to back off while things are tender while being present enough to assure he isn't planning on leaving. Seriously bless Azu, this has to be at least as hard on her as Helen but she is letting the boys have room to work it out for themselves instead of "trying to help". The last thing either of them need right now is pressure especially on this point. Aw the Kobolds teach Cel draconic. Oh smart kid, not only is it just logical for the Kobolds to work with Cel directly, it might help them get over the "looking to see if the boss approves of how you breathe" stage. Especially if he is clear about not being threatened by them having advantage over him in this area. Heck of a relief this isn't hitting my rank issues. Ooh all the Kobolds are amazing engineers, wonder if its a Kobold thing or if Skraak recruited people with similar interests. Nice rework of the "Kobolds build traps" thing from pathfinder. I genuinely love how instead of pitching the original description of Kobolds out the window, Alex has backwards engineered it. Reputation for traps isn't a dishonorable approach to fighting, its a sign of their skill. They aren't minions, their trauma is interacting with a cultural attitude about rank in weird ways. Oh Cel! Cel is amazing. Under Shoin's orders they: made Magic Steroids, did maintenance (more towards the end as Shoin wasn't taking care of things), built the place initially, sourced ingredients, other Kobolds built the Mechkraken. Damn Shoin, they can't even be proud of all they were able to do in adverse circumstances because he tainted it. If they weren't forced to do it and have it used for ill ends, building the kraken would be impressive. A lot of that sounds like difficult work. Hamid stuff: yeah it is from a place of fear; and they would be hypersensitive and need to try to "defend him" so he doesn't react. Terrified of his anger? Handle anything that even annoys him to cut it off at the pass. And being a good person who doesn't like scaring them, Hamid is going to over do the very "Mary Sunshine" routine that makes Zolf think he doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. You'd think Mr "do a grief later" would get that Hamid doesn't have to walk the halls wailing to be aware of the end of the world. Not that the kid can win, if he cried and threw up it would be proof he hasn't grown from season one. Hopefully by taking a back seat Zolf will have a chance to see Hamid's actions and realize being chipper & wholesome doesn't mean stupid. Oh Alex has thought this through, one of these days I'll quit being surprised he actually gets this stuff. Not being able to read the person whose emotions feel like life & death is a Bad Thing. Thank Alex for Skraak. Weird seeing this stuff from this side, of course learning to focus on my end instead of being preoccupied with what was going on in the heads of people who were on Hamid's end of it was rather the point. Perfect balance, Hamid gives them enough space to realize he isn’t going to explode, Skraak "translates" into something clear enough not to stress them out. Like when Zolf snapped at Skraak when he pledged to Hamid; might not be pretty but not knowing what The Powers That Be want? Very bad place. Rank and clear orders are very important when appeasing those who outrank you is everything. Cel has dealt with a lot of young and unsure apprentices!?! Yeah well Cel isn't in their chain of command and gears don't get offended if you have an opinion on the right way to configure them. Cel is great Azu & Hamid talking about Zolf! Helen is wonderful! I thought this was going to be drawn out and indirect, instead they are actually facing things head on and dealing with them. Aw these two are so good for each other. Azu would set aside her own emotions. Hot damn Azu, getting right to it! Hamid can be amazingly open about his self awareness and it surprises me every time. It fits him and is a very good thing, but going from answering "how are you?" with "the Kobolds are doing well" to "I never knew how to help him" without it being jarring made me do quite the double take. Guess I was expecting more deflection. Yeah well you two are redefining your boundaries, entire relationship, and rank in specific, while being the perhaps the only people with enough of the picture to figure out how to save the world. Working out the balance between conflicting views on that, when neither of you knows what the end will look like was never going to be smooth. Oh yes and none of you have directly addressed that half of Zolf's rank & dick measuring stuff is because he doesn't know if he even has a role if he isn't The Boss or The Healer.* Oh the grin in Alex's voice as he tells them there is something else before the brorb interview. Whisky tumblers for each? Quite a sigh there Ben News? Big news? While they were in the institute? They ought to sit down. Wilde get to it. Ah Azu & Hamid are holding hands. Poor kid with his prop. Letter? Ancient Rome? Sasha? Are all the fics coming true? Their founder "Askingus"!?! Oh Sasha, oh Zolf! Lydia! Oh the kids! She named the kids after the party. She even found her faith. A break? How the hell are we only half way through the episode. Also hell yeah Lydia deserves all the awards, that was an amazing letter. XD Ben! Oh Hamid, we reacted that way to the epilogue that way too. It really is okay, it was a good end. Yeah he could use a drink. Poor Zolf. Hamid gives Wilde a hug. "technically I think that makes Sasha my boss". XP be cryptic Alex, The RSB will have it figured out by Friday. Ok Zolf got to read the letter on his own. Azu lit 3 candles, because Helen wants me to cry. Hamid is at Zolf's door with a bottle and two glasses. Lydia this is a compliment to your skill. More direct than I expected from Hamid. Oh these two! Okay he is drunk enough to go there (angry at Zolf for leaving but he gets it). About time someone told Zolf directly he's grown. Aw Zolf puts him to bed. Thank you Alex! Ben! (okay fair, if any of Hamid was left he'd cuddle). Sorry Cel! Lydia wanted to break/heal our hearts more than she wanted the plot to move forward ;) Good plan: take the orb to the anti magic field, only those who have already talked to it can talk directly. Info control. Hive mind/telepathy directly addressed. Finally what Shoin eats is addressed. Ok Cel has some teeth on them. Hasn't fed it, is using the vibration to threaten to explode his brain, (no English doesn't have enough pronouns we are working on it)... Oh good point better feed it. Aw Zolf is possessive of the kitchen. Shoin is still Shoin. Cel is not happy about not being recognized. Nice to hear the boys working together. The Infection might block him from being directly aware of being infected. Bullsh$% he backed himself up. Good point Zolf even if he does, they are separate lives, this instance can still fear death. Oh all the party have teeth, nice they don't have the "good guys have to be sweet & gentle with the baddies" thing Yeah Cel isn't stupid, the brorbs arm isn't a threat. Oh auto painting that will make the people theorizing on the bio side of how the Brorb works happy. A circulatory diagram, and am ocean of faces. Paints like a printer. A creepy charcoal sketch of London staring at the artist. *I swear on Rusty Tower if they let him hurt himself any worse because he thinks his new role is "a brick wall on wheels" I am joining the line to fight Ben in a Whetherspoons parking lot. Yes it would be in character but so would healing. There are other hills. Although seriously its been great having a character that shows so many of the aspects of depression that usually get left out. That Zolf is also a three dimensional character with a full personality beyond just "the one with mental health issues" while not making it look like those issues are tacked on or easy to handle? Stunning work.

#Rusty Quill Gaming #RQG Spoilers #alcohol #live blog thingy #RQG 156

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bronanlynch · 3 years

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bi-ish weekly update

time sure passes huh. meant to do one last week but I wrote like 5000 words on Wednesday instead, and I’m not really sure what happened yesterday but maybe Thursday is my new day for these

listening: two for the price of one this week since I’m excited about both of them. first of all, obviously, is the Sangfielle theme by Jack de Quidt because it’s time for a new season of Friends at the Table. I love their description of this season’s music

the other thing I’ve been listening to is the new album from one of my fave bands, You’re Welcome from A Day to Remember. this is by far not the most musically interesting or complex song on the album but it is about, as far as I can tell, a bad breakup with a vampire and I love it for that just on principle, but also it’s fun! a fun pop punk-esque bop about breaking up with a vampire!

youtube

reading: since last time when I talked about many romance novels I was reading, I mostly just read more romance novels because sometimes that is all the brain can handle. shout out to KJ Charles for writing a historical romance with a nonbinary main characters, you really do love to see it. I appreciate that she puts trans characters in her books, and I hope that someday she writes one with a trans man as a main character, because that truly would be a book targeted directly at me.

I’ve also been reading the Kate Kane, Paranormal Investigator series by Alexis Hall (author of Affair of the Mysterious Letter, a weird fantasy queer Sherlock Holmes retelling that absolutely fucking slaps, highly recommend).

this is his author bio from the Kate Kane books, which really just sets the tone and also. what a fucking life goal

anyway. series starts with Iron & Velvet which is currently on sale, which is why I bought it, and it also fucking slaps. I’m like halfway through the last book right now but they have all been good and fun. Kate is like. archetypal disaster p.i. but done in an interesting way (i.e. the narrative actually addresses the depression and the alcoholism in a way that I personally really appreciated), and also pretty much every woman in the ~supernatural community she encounters is an ex or someone she will flirt/hook up with at some point, which is an accurate representation of every irl queer space I’ve ever been part of. she dates a vampire for a while. hot morally questionable vampire lady. the vampire power structure names positions after tarot cards it’s very fun and sexy and tailored specifically toward my interests. also she lives in the same part of London as my ex-girlfriend so it’s. fun to recognize place names and be like. oh I went there on a date once huh

watching: started watching Turn A Gundam because a twitter friend recommended it as being fun and also very different then any other Gundam series and they were right on both counts. the premise of it is ‘what if a bunch of people went to live on the moon and some people stayed on earth, the moon people got real into super advanced technology and the earth people are larping the 19th century, and now the moon people want to come back’ so there’s a fun mix of visual styles. would love to see serious analytical writing on this show by someone more versed in discussing indigeneity/colonialism than me though because there are things that I’m a little bit hmmm at but I don’t know enough to be able to explain why or know if that’s the right response to have

don’t know what’s up with the dude on the left’s sunglasses but my friend has promised me the fashion choices only get weirder

I know about the ‘wow cool robots’ meme but some of the mech designs are very cool and visually distinct both from each other and from the standard blocky humanoid shape that lots of mechs are, so that’s fun to see. and they’re all different sizes too, which for me at least makes it easier to get a sense of the scale of the conflict/threat. when they’re all the same size it’s easy for me to forget they’re like 40 feet tall but when some of them are 40 feet and some of them are like 10 feet it’s a lot easier to be like. oh. oh shit. these are big and destructive and scary as hell

there are mini versions of this big mech that are like. the size of one of its feet

also there’s some fun stuff about how the way society relates to a mech and what a mech is used for can change over time, which is part of what is maybe inspiring me to get back into trying to write games, because between Turn A and the fic I was writing about Integrity Friendsatthetable I was like. hey what if a hack of The Ground Itself by Everest Pipkin, a game about a place changing over time, except instead of a place it’s a mech

playing: finished Knife of Dunwall finally! please clap! I was kinda half-expecting not to keep to low chaos in the last mission because there are so many overseers but I did it! I did do a bunch of accidentally getting into fights, killing a bunch of people, and then reloading an earlier save so I could go back and not kill those people but it’s fine. anyway. fun game, fun level once I got the hang of it, and I do feel like I accomplished something a lil bit difficult so that’s a nice feeling. definitely harder than the main game. also, very sad about Billie and gay for Delilah. she shows up just to threaten you and then disappears again, and I think that’s pretty hot of her. also love the narrative parallels of having the choice to spare Billie and then the game ending with Corvo about to decide whether to spare Daud or not. I just think that’s neat

making: made some Thai green curry last week from this recipe, which was tasty and not too hard to make, but has just enough specialty ingredients to make it a lil bit too expensive to make too often. our grocery store only ever has lemongrass when we’re looking for things that look kinda like lemongrass but aren’t, and didn’t have any when we need it so we just used extra lemongrass paste and lime juice for the lemongrass, and for the kaffir lime leaves, which we were also supposed to substitute with lemongrass but. it’s fine it was still tasty

writing: a lot somehow, although it’s been over two weeks since last time I did one of these so I guess that makes sense. I wrote a couple of things for 15 Days of Friends at the Table, including Broun, Milli, and Thisbe cottagecore roommates, Clem and Gucci bickering/flirting, and an extended dream sequence that makes me very sad about Integrity (I’m very proud of the last one, I know it has a very small target audience because Sokrates/Integrity is very much a rarepair in an already small fandom, there are 6 works in the tag, 4 of them are by me, 2 of them are by the same other person, and one of those is a gift for me so. it’s mostly just me, but I think I wrote something pretty good)

also meant to write more for Persona 5 Girls Week, although so far I’ve only written one thing, a quick fluff fic which for once requires very little knowledge of the source material. meant to write something for today’s prompt but instead I had two job interviews and then cooked dinner for my household so that probably will not happen and I will probably watch more Gundam instead

#dreaming.txt #tuesday no problem extended universe #contains pictures of food below the readmore

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ladytrelaw · 4 years

Text

Chapter 4: To Survive in a Cruel World

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432372/chapters/62799148

(sorry for the weird formatting tumblr is having a moment but here! is chapter 4!)

At that moment a voice rings out from behind him, a stranger’s voice. All thoughts of Crimson Lethe or sinking ships or even Grinpayne himself are wiped from his mind as he registers the strange accent, and whirls around to meet its owner.

“Crack the skies…”

Ursus scrambles to his feet almost before his brain has registered the threat. Grinpayne stays on his hands and knees, still disoriented from the crimson lethe and making a groggy noise of questioning at Ursus’ sudden movement, but Ursus ignores him, planting his body between Grinpayne and the stranger who has appeared as if from smoke. He’s probably half Ursus’ age and slightly taller, dressed in a dark shirt and trousers that seem to have been patched several times. A ragged maroon cloth is knotted around his neck in a loose impersonation of a tie, and he’s staring past Ursus at Grinpayne as though transfixed. There’s a look in his eyes that Ursus has never seen anyone direct at Grinpayne before. As though he’s almost… impressed.

“Your face…” he breathes, and Ursus hears a sharp inhale behind him as Grinpayne finally registers that they’re no longer alone. “Incredible-”

“Who are you?” Ursus interrupts tersely, blanching a fraction of a second later what he registers what the man had said. The stranger looks at Ursus as though just remembering he’s there, and smiles widely.

“They call me Osric! Well, they call me lots of things, but Osric’s the one I like best.” His eyes dart back to Grinpayne, who has forced himself up on unsteady legs behind Ursus.

“Have you always been like that, laddie?”

It’s absolutely not what Ursus expected him to say, and certainly not in a voice so strangely soft, strangely kind. Nonetheless he feels Grinpayne freeze and duck a little further behind him automatically, the tension rolling off him in waves. He squares his shoulders protectively, glaring at this stranger whose empathy is so unsettling.

“He was cut as a boy, if you must know.”

Osric raises his eyebrows a little, but nods, taking the hint from Urus’ gruff tone not to press for further details.

“I was born with mine!” he says cheerfully instead, holding up a hand. Ursus tries not to recoil as he realises it is a shrivelled, deformed thing; three fingers curled over in a permanent claw and the skin twisting around his wrist until it disappears under his shirtsleeve. He shrugs, smiling gently at Grinpayne in a way that makes Ursus’ hackles rise. “I have a friend like you though, she doesn’t speak either and she taught me some-”

“I’m not a mute.” Grinpayne interrupts in a quiet, clipped voice, and Ursus is relieved that he’s lucid enough to be offended. Osric is thrown for only the briefest of moments, barely blinking in surprise before he recovers and holds up both hands, shrunken and normal, in apology.

“My mistake, lad, no harm meant-”

“Who are you?” Ursus interrupts, watching Osric’s eyes flick up to meet his own. He laughs slightly in confusion.

“I told you, I’m-”

“No. I mean, who are you? What are you doing here?”

Why are you being so gentle towards him? The unspoken question hangs in the air, borne of years of Ursus doing his best to protect the boy behind him from angry words and horrified stares. Why aren’t you afraid?

Osric blinks. “I was trying to hunt, although I think there might be a deer 10 miles away that didn’t hear you two havin’ a square go at each other, in case you wanted to scare that one off too.”

He offers a smile that Ursus does not return, and after a moment of heavy silence he answers Ursus’ real question with a strange hesitation.

“I run a... fair. A travelling show, for people like us.” He gestures at himself and Grinpayne, and it takes a moment for Ursus to understand what he means. When he does, his blood runs cold.

“A freak show?”

“Well, I don’t like to call it that, but-”

“Stay the hell away from us” Ursus growls, tightening his grip on his bow as his heart rate skyrockets. “We’re armed, if you even think-”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Osric says quickly, taking a step back and holding up his hands in supplication. “What do you think I’m going to do? Stage a kidnap?” He laughs a little nervously, as though the idea is absurd. Ursus doesn’t move.

“Look,” Osric says in an overly level voice, as though he’s trying to calm a wild animal. “I’m not going to pretend I’m not… interested.” He looks at Grinpayne again, addressing him directly, though Ursus notices he keeps his eyes slightly lowered. “I’ve never met anyone like you before, and trust me, that’s saying something. If you wanted to, you’d do well in the fair.”

Behind him, Grinpayne shifts uncomfortably, although Ursus couldn’t begin to guess what he’s thinking. Osric sighs.

“I promise, I just came about the noise, I didn’t mean any harm. Sorry to have startled you. Just, keep it down, alright?” He smiles gently. “I’ve got a lot of wee mouths to feed and they’re not gonna be best pleased if I come back empty handed.”

He inclines his head politely and turns to go, but falters, as though he’s remembered something.

“By the way, I wouldnae go back to the road for a while. When I left, the Duke’s men were harassing some lassie in another cart. It’s probably for the best if they don’t see you.”

“Lassie?” Ursus questions, the word strange and unfamiliar on his tongue, even as his heart is already sinking because some part of him already knows…

“A girl,” Osric clarifies. “They’d only just got there by the looks of it, still all on their horses. I’d have got involved but besides the fact it’s not worth it on my own, she seemed to be holding her ground. Quite fierce for such a tiny wee thing, and she had this huge dog with her...”

Ursus turns, and Grinpayne’s wide eyes reflect the abject terror already coursing through his veins; a horror so strong it is almost paralysing.

Dea.

***

The undergrowth is thick and cumbersome, fingers of brambles and thistle snagging Grinpayne’s clothes and pulling him backwards, but he crashes his way through like a creature possessed; faster than he’d run from the soldiers at the river; faster perhaps than he’s ever run before. He can’t catch enough breath, and his heart is pounding a frantic, bruising beat on his ribs, but none of it matters. All he can see is Dea.

Dea, dragged crying from their cart. Mojo, dear brave Mojo jumping to defend her, and the terrible howl as he lands on a soldier’s sword. Dea in chains, Dea with a noose around her neck, a sword in her heart, Dea, Dea, Dea...

Something bangs against his arm, pulling him backwards and jolting him so violently out of his thoughts that he yelps in shock. He stumbles at the sudden jarring stop and almost crashes to the floor, but the hand that grabbed him yanks him upright and before he can process anything he’s pulled sideways and slammed into a tree. His quiver crushes painfully into his back and he struggles, snarling in fury, but the strange man from the woods - Osric? - cuts him off.

“You cannae come screaming out of the woods and hurling yourself straight at a Duke, are you mad?!” He’s panting, and it’s making his strange accent even harder for Grinpayne to make out. Behind him, Ursus staggers to a stop, holding up a hand to silence Grinpayne’s protests before he’s even given them breath.

“He’s right, lad, and you know it,” he says, urgency and fear blending together in his voice. “We’re no use to her if they shoot us on sight.”

I’ll kill them, Grinpayne thinks wildly, chest heaving. I’m armed too; if they’ve hurt her, if they’ve so much as touched her, I will kill them even with a thousand arrows in my heart.

But he can’t deny the truth of what Ursus said, and when Osric warily lets go of his arm he resists the urge to sprint towards the road again. The three men move through the woods as fast as they dare, purposefully standing on dead leaves and branches so that their approach is audible, stepping nimbly between the briar patches that are at least growing mercifully thinner as they approach the road. Grinpayne strains his ears, listening for any sign, any signal that might tell him if Dea’s ok, but in the end he sees Ursus react before he hears it himself. Barely there, at the edge of hearing, the low rumble of a wolf growling, and the distinctively high, familiar voice growing clearer with each hurried step.

***

“-don’t even know what a ‘familiar’ is!”

“Well I don’t care what your kind call them these days, if it comes one step closer then I’m going to-”

“Good evening, my lord!” Osric calls as he steps out of the forest, Grinpayne hot on his heels. His heart gives a sickening lurch as Dea’s pale face turns towards the unexpected voice. She’s standing a little way behind their cart, silver eyes wide, hands sunk deep into the scruff of Mojo’s neck where he’s crouched before her on the dusty road. His teeth are pulled back in a snarl, hackles raised, and Grinpayne is flooded with a fierce affection for the creature that has saved their lives more times than he cares to count. Standing before them on the road are two men: the soldier who gad threatened Mojo standing with his hand on the hilt of a frighteningly large sword, and a large red-cheeked man with a pinched frown sitting astride the fattest horse Grinpayne has ever seen. The second man is dressed far too flamboyantly for the road, in a crushed velvet gown that skims the edges of his calf-length leather boots and sweeps down over the haunches of his steed, a silver wig completing the look as it wobbles precariously atop his head. The Duke.

But not, Grinpayne realises distantly, the Duke of Oxford, who he’d assumed Osric had been referring to. They must have crossed into a new territory without realising it; so eager to put Oxford far behind them that they’d travelled faster and further than usual. Behind the Duke are a further two soldiers, picking like vultures through the contents of the green cart that have been strewn carelessly about the road. There’s something heart-wrenching, something degrading and offensive about the sight of a stranger pawing over their possessions, but Grinpayne ignores them for now, turning his attention back to Dea. She’s not bruised or bleeding as far as he can tell, and she’s holding her chin up fiercely towards the men that she can’t see, her mouth set in a firm line. Still, he knows her well enough to read the things her face isn’t showing; the tension in her shoulders, her tight grip in Mojo’s fur. She’s terrified. He longs to run straight to her, to slip his hand into hers and tell her with a touch that everything will be alright, communicating in silence in the way only they can. But the soldier is still holding his sword half-raised in the direction of Mojo’s snarling fangs, and Grinpayne dare not move until he knows he won’t be seen as a threat.

He could call out, should call out. Dea must think she is completely alone among strangers and Osric’s voice with its unfamiliar twang will have done nothing to reassure her. But as the Duke and his soldiers turn to see the group of men emerging from the woods, a familiar tightness spreads through Grinpayne’s chest, quickening his breath. He watches their eyes slip quickly from Osric to Ursus before landing on him; familiar expressions of shock and fear and suspicion flying in tandem across their faces as they register his bandages. The shame of cowardice burns in his cheeks as he drops his eyes, and says nothing.

“Can I help you with anything? My wagon’s not blocking your way is it?” Osric continues cheerfully, climbing the last few steps up the grassy bank to the road and pausing a few feet away from the Duke. Grinpayne feels a thrill of frustration at his words, watching as Dea blinks in confusion and surprise as this unfamiliar voice confidently claims all of their worldly possessions as his own. He doesn’t trust this stranger, who appears to be attempting to improvise his way out of a situation that doesn’t even concern him, but it’s too late to backtrack now.

"Your wagon?” The Duke sniffs pompously, staring down his nose at them from atop his huge white horse. Behind him, the other two soldiers have abandoned the cart and are skulking up to the road, drawing their own swords almost lazily. Sweat drips down the back of Grinpayne’s neck.

“Well,” Osric laughs, the very picture of relaxation, as though he likes nothing more than to return home to find his cart being raided by armed soldiers, “I suppose technically it belongs to my friend here, but I run the Fair so in a sense, all the wagons we travel with are mine.”

“It’s mine,” Ursus offers gruffly, “I’m the druggist.” Across the road, Dea visibly startles at the unexpected familiar voice, and Grinpayne’s pounding heart clenches.

“Wait, wait,” says the Duke, flapping an impatient hand. “What do you mean, what other wagons? What fair? All I can see is this little witch selling potions and voodoo dolls on the roadside.”

Grinpayne forgets how to breathe for a moment, but Osric seems unfazed.

“Witch?” he scoffs, letting out a barking laugh so sudden that it startles some birds into flight form a nearby tree. “Nae my lord, she’s no witch, she’s a…” he pauses for a fraction of a second, and Grinpayne sees him read and register the lettering on the side of their cart and change tack without missing a beat. “A performer!”

“They’re not dolls, they’re puppets, I told you.” Dea cuts in, folding her arms over her chest and scowling. Fear and pride rush through Grinpayne in equal measure; she’s being so brave, but he wishes she’d stay silent. She might not know the level of danger she’s in, but if they think she’s a witch…

Osric laughs again, a little more nervously after Dea’s contribution. “Exactly, she’s my best, ah, puppeteer! No sorcery or witchcraft to it, none at all, so if you wouldnae mind lowering your weapons there…?”

The three soldiers shift uneasily, sharing glances, but they don’t sheath their swords. The Duke, however, looks intrigued.

“What is this fair you speak of?”

Osric grins widely. “The Stokes Croft Fair, m’lord! I’m known as Osric the Freak Wrangler, for what I hope are obvious reasons!” He gestures to Dea, and Grinpayne watches, horrified, as Osric’s shrunken hand sweeps back to include him too.

“We’re a travelling freak show. The rest of the wagons are just up the road a little way. We stopped to hunt so we left young, eh, Mary here to look after the cart.”

The lord nods thoughtfully.

“A silly thing to do, that. A creature like this left alone with all of these tonics and that frightful animal, there’s the obvious assumption-“

“I see that now, my lord, an easy mistake to make,” Osric interrupts, bowing graciously. “But I assure you, she’s just a puppeteer.” He pauses, a charming smile spreading over his features, a glint in his eye. “If she was a witch perhaps we’d have had more luck in our hunting!”

The lord doesn’t laugh, and turns to look at Grinpayne, who drops his gaze to the floor, his heart thumping.

He knows what’s coming, but maybe, if he doesn’t catch his eye-

“And who’s this? Another of your… acts?”

“Quite right, my lord!” Osric says cheerfully, clapping Grinpayne’s shoulder. He tries not to flinch. “A-”

“Another puppeteer” Ursus steps in, clearing his throat uncomfortably. “My son.”

Grinpayne tries not to focus on the way his heart thumps a little harder at that.

“We perform Beauty and The Beast together” Dea pipes up, and for a moment the Duke looks at her blankly, clearly having completely forgotten she was there. Then he roars with laughter, his piggy eyes squeezing shut with the exertion of it.

“Of course you do, of course.” He wheezes, chortling. “So this is yours then, is it, boy?”

Grinpayne looks up, keeping his hands from curling into fists of anger with some difficulty as he sees the Duke holding out puppet of the prince, his puppet. He nods mutely, and the Duke raises an eyebrow.

“And what’s wrong with your face?”

Grinpayne opens his mouth, but the tightness in his chest has spread to his throat, and he realises with a sluggish panic that the words won’t come. He looks helplessly to Ursus, but it’s Osric who steps in, a flair of showmanship about him. Distantly, Grinpayne wonders if there is some part of him that’s enjoying this.

‘Disfigured as a child, my lord! Of everyone in my fair he’s-”

“Show me.”

Grinpayne feels bile rising in his throat, but Osric has already clamped an arm around his shoulders and is marching him forward, towards the Duke. “Of course, your lordship!”

“No!” Grinpayne mumbles desperately, pulling himself out of Osric’s grip, dimly aware that his fingers are shaking. “No, I don’t-“

“I know you don’t want to, ah, spoil the surprise, laddie” Osric cuts him off, a warning glint in his eye as his smile becomes slightly fixed. “But this is the Duke we’re talking about…?”

They’re close enough now to the Duke in question that Grinpayne can smell the sweat rolling off him as he smirks down at them, a scent poorly concealed by cloying wafts of lavender perfume. Grinpayne shoots a glance at Ursus, then at Dea, whose face is pinched with worry. There’s something about the set of her jaw that grounds him though, and he steels himself. She’s barely more than a child, and she’s been so brilliant, so brave. He can be brave too. If this is what keeps her safe, then so be it.

With trembling fingers he reaches back to the soft fabric nestled in his hair, the knot slipping undone easily under his hands. He turns away from Osric, facing the Duke and the Duke alone, and lets the bandage fall softly into his palms.

The Duke’s reaction is instantaneous. He recoils, then, like any child who has ever tasted something horribly sour, comes back for more, leaning precariously over the neck of his horse for a closer look. “Fascinating,” he breathes, his eyes roving over the jagged nightmare of Grinpayne’s face, taking in each twist of flesh, each bulge of scar tissue. Finally, after what feels like an age, he leans back, looking over Grinpayne’s head to Osric.

“So the witch and this freak are both part of your fair?”

Grinpayne ignores the familiar jab, taking the opportunity as soon as the Duke’s attention has shifted to tie his mask back over his mouth. His fingers feel oddly numb. Osric, meanwhile, is nodding.

“Aye, my lord, though, as I said before, she’s not a witch-“

“When you come to Swindon, you will perform in my court.” The Duke says decisively, silencing Osric with a flick of his hand. “My jesters grow boring and tiresome; they need inspiration, something new, something unique.”

He adjusts his seat, and motions to his soldiers, who sheath their swords reluctantly and slink to the edge of the forest to untie their own horses.

“I look forward to seeing the rest of your band of monsters, sir.” The Duke says, smiling icily as he inclines his head in what could almost be a respectful nod. “An unexpected pleasure.”

With that, the Duke takes off at a lumbering trot down the road through some considerable effort from his potbellied steed, his men following behind him. “Of course, your lordship!” Osric shouts cheerfully at their retreating backs, his good hand raised high above his head to wave them off.

***

Barely have the soldiers moved away from their cart before Grinpayne is rushing to Dea, taking her tiny shoulders in his hands as his voice returns to him in a frightened, garbled flood.

“Dea! Are you alright? Did they hurt you? Did they-”

“It’s ok, I’m alright, Grinpayne I’m alright,” she soothes, snatching gently at his hands as he fusses over her, checking everywhere he can see for injuries before pulling her into a hug and closing his eyes, burying his nose in her hair.

“We shouldn’t have left you.” He murmurs, squeezing her even tighter. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, if anything had happened-”

“A blind puppeteer?” Osric says in disbelief, staring bemused from Grinpayne and Dea to Ursus. “You have got to be joking.”

Ursus, ignoring his question, turns on him with a wild gleam in his eyes.

“What the hell was that?!” He snarls, a crackling thunderstorm of a man. “I told you we want nothing to do with you, and then you go and tell the Duke that we’re part of your fair?!”

“I was trying to help,” Osric counters quickly, raising his hands placatingly but standing his ground. “I didn’t exactly have a lot of time to plan and, by the way, some warning that your daughter was a blind puppeteer would have been helpful-”

“Who are you?” Dea interrupts, squirming out of Grinpayne’s arms, much to his disapproval.

“He’s nobody.” Ursus spits, glaring at Osric like he’s something vile that he’s stepped in. “A vulture, someone who preys on people down on their luck.”

Osric’s eyes harden, his gaze growing cold. “If you’re talking about the acts in my fair-“

“Of course I’m talking about your acts!” Ursus explodes, jamming a finger at Osric’s chest. Osric, to his credit, doesn’t back away. “I’ve met men like you before, men who make money from other people’s misery, who parade cripples and broken souls around like you own them! You knew exactly what you were doing when you told the Duke they’d perform for him, you wanted Grinpayne from the second you saw him, well you can’t have him! You can’t have either of them!”

None of them move for a moment, frozen by the tension between the two men who seem moments away from a fist fight. Unconsciously, Grinpayne brings his hands to rest on Dea’s shoulders.

“I promise” Osric says slowly, “I didnae have any sort of grand plan. I couldn’t have known that the Duke would ask them to perform; I just know from experience that people like him prefer it when people like us all stick together in one neat little group. I was right; you saw how he relaxed when I said you were with me.” He pauses, and when he continues there is a steely undercurrent to his voice, something fiercely protective that Grinpayne hadn’t anticipated.

“The ‘freak-wrangler’ thing, it’s an act for the rich, it’s not real. My fair is nothing like that, not on the inside. We’re a family. We look after each other.”

Well,” Ursus says, scoffing, “we already are a family. And we don’t need looking after by the likes of you.” He pushes past the younger man and trudges towards the edge of the road where their horse is grazing quietly by the trees, unperturbed. “Grinpayne, Dea.”

Grinpayne takes a step towards the cart, understanding the unvoiced instruction, but Osric’s sharp rebuttal stops him in his tracks.

“You can’t leave.” He says, in a voice of barely disguised frustration. “The Duke will be expecting you when we get to Swindon; if you’re not with the fair, he’ll send his men after you. You heard what he said, didn’t you? If I hadn’t covered for you he would have arrested you all for witchcraft.”

“He won’t bother with us for long.” Ursus says gruffly, trying unsuccessfully to untie the thick rope tethering their horse to the tree. Osric is unimpressed.

“You already can’t go back to Oxford; that much was clear from your wee domestic in the woods. Do you want to add another city to your list?” He snaps, taking an angry step forward. “He might not send men, if you’re lucky, but word will definitely get around, and you do not want an accusation of witchcraft following you around the country, trust me. Not to mention that the next nearest cities to here are twice as far away as Swindon, and seeing as your hunting trip went so spectacularly well I get the sense you’re not exactly stocked up on supplies!”

Ursus says nothing, his hands stilling on the rope. Grinpayne, suddenly reminded of the fact that he hasn’t eaten a proper meal since they left Oxford, swallows nervously.

“Come and stay with us tonight, do one show with us in Swindon, and then you can leave.” Osric continues, his voice softer now. “But I want you to consider that we could really help each other out here. I promise, performing with us, owning the thing that makes them fear you, taking back the control… there’s a power in it. A strength.”

Something in his words makes Grinpayne feel odd, like something is coming unstitched in his chest and floating away from his body. As Osric continues, Dea’s fingers silently edge towards Grinpayne’s, finding his hand and squeezing it.

“We don’t have anything like these two in the fair. They’d be a huge draw, and we’d both make more money, plus you get the safety of travelling in numbers. It’s a win win.”

He hesitates, watching Ursus’ back with cautious eyes.

“I’m not going to force you to join us permanently; no one in the fair is there by anything out of choice, no matter what we tell the customers. But I meant what I said in the woods. You’d do well in the fair.” His eyes flick to Grinpayne, who shifts uncomfortably despite himself, subconsciously edging closer to Dea. “Really well.”

Ursus, having finally untied their horse from the tree, lets out a long, slow exhale.

“I’m not the one you need to ask.” He says eventually, turning to face them with a furrowed brow.

“Grinpayne, Dea. It’s your performance. What do you think?”

Grinpayne feels his heart clench, surprised at Ursus giving them, giving him the choice. He’s more exhausted than he ever remembers being, and the emotional and physical toll of the past few days is making it difficult to think clearly. The thought of performing their little puppet show for someone like the Duke, as part of a travelling freak show of all things, is frightening. But Dea’s hand is so small and delicate in his, and he worries about her when the summer starts to fade like this, when the freezing wind and the rain threaten to bite. She needs food, real food, not the tough dried meat and watered-down oats that they’ve been rationing for the past few days, and Grinpayne can’t pretend that the thought of a hot meal for himself is isn’t tempting.

He taps the back of Dea’s knuckles with his finger; a question. She rubs her thumb gently against the side of his palm in response, her touch feather-light.

That’s settled, then.

Grinpayne looks up, meeting Ursus’ gaze and holding it.

“I want to go with him, Father,” he says softly, and Dea nods her head to show the agreement already silently made with Grinpayne. “It’s only one performance.”

Ursus nods slowly, then sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Alright, my boy. If you’re sure.”

Osric grins. “You just wait till you see how much money you can make from gullible idiots with more riches than sense. Then you’ll change your tune.”

He turns, clapping his hands together before gesturing up the road as if announcing a headline act. “In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, may I be the first to issue you the warmest invitation to all the glory and madness that is dinner with the Stokes-Croft Fair!”

#Ursus' lotions potions and puppetry #potions and puppetry #tgm fic #the grinning man

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autumnblogs · 3 years

Text

Day 51: Estrangement from The Self

https://homestuck.com/story/5935

I didn’t really take Terezi’s problem with Faygo seriously the first couple times reading Homestuck, but in terms of the way that Homestuck’s different characters mirror each other, and the Trolls’ bizarre alien problems are used to directly comment on human problems, I think it makes sense to say that Terezi’s Soda Abuse should be taken exactly as seriously as Rose’s alcohol abuse.

Rose and Terezi only interact a handful of times, which is a shame, because on a certain level, they share the same basic problem; a lack of faith in the people around them combined with a crippling lack of self-worth. Though they both have strong narcissistic tendencies, Rose and Terezi display over and over again a desperate need for affirmation, and when they can’t get it from their peers, they seek it from other sources; Terezi’s manipulation by Aranea, in this sense, is parallel to Scratch’s manipulation of Rose in terms of the motivation of the one being manipulated.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/5936

(More indication that being on the God Tiers literally elevates characters to exist more on the narrative layer than they did before.)

https://homestuck.com/story/5937

In theory, I want the story to reward Dave’s newfound aloof optimism, but I think he’s still like... going too far in the other direction from where he started. We know he’s been questioning his relationship to Bro’s weird ideology, and he’s clearly less interested in being a Hero than he “should be” - but he’s still coping with his emotions mostly just by not acknowledging them.

He’s in for a rude awakening when he gets to the new session.

I should note that like, while Karkat and Dave’s friendship develops into a romance instead of into a platonic bromance after the reset, I don’t think we’re given much of an indication that their actual dynamic is all that different aside from being more physical.

https://homestuck.com/story/5944

Davesprite’s story is parallel with Dave’s, and as I’ve probably already said, forms a core part of Homestuck’s narrative about the distributed nature of the self, and the way that we can’t ever really know ourselves perfectly.

There are the literal material distributed selves like Davesprite, or sometimes Brain Ghost Dirk, or all the various versions of a character from other points along their own timeline, or from Doomed Timelines.

Anything we learn about Davesprite helps us to learn more about Dave. Anything we learn about Lil Hal helps us to learn about Dirk.

If Homestuck is about alienation, estrangement, then through characters like Davesprite, and Lil Hal, we learn that these people are not only estranged from each other by time and space, they are even estranged from themselves by the partitions in their own head, and by the way in which they are observed by other people, and form idealized versions of themselves to aspire to that they can never be. Other better versions of themselves exist in other timelines, and two different versions of a character both wish that they were the other.

Paul Tillich, a French existentialist philosopher and theologian talks about the idea of estrangement from the self as being rooted in the same problem that estranges us from others in his essay You are Accepted.

Maybe that’s another thing that I need to write about. I shall probably do so once we get to Davepeta’s talk about the Ultimate Self. (Did I already write a companion piece about it? Maybe I did.)

https://homestuck.com/story/5955

Okay; the plot has switched tracks, but the theme is very much still exactly what it was during Davesprite’s ramble. What is the significance of all of the alternate selves? In keeping with her very Dirk-like adherence to the idea that she is a certain person who is a certain way, and needs to be who she is, Vriska’s conception of all the alternate selves is that they are meaningless and have no signifiance.

I think it’s telling that we don’t really see any alternate Vriskas in this undead army.

https://homestuck.com/story/5957

While this seems extremely obvious to me anyway, it’s worth pointing out that Meenah alludes to the reason why The Condesce has latched onto Jane in pretty much exact words.

She yearns to have an Heiress, someone that she can teach her badass ways. In short, Meenah wants the same thing that Dirk wants - she wants ideological offspring!

https://homestuck.com/story/5961

I think with Andrew’s stated disdain for Worldbuilding (don’t quote me on that; I’m just pretty sure he said it once, and the fact that his villains are the characters who engage in long-winded worldbuilding screeds is suggestive of this as well), this is another way in which He is Fucking With Us.

The worldbuilding gives us symbols we can use to think about the themes the rest of the comic addresses, but broadly speaking, it’s not actually all that consequential.

https://homestuck.com/story/5966

Aranea continues to use language suggesting that she views the universe very much like a single organism - it’s an interesting quirk of hers.

https://homestuck.com/story/5982

As we come up on the conclusion of Disk 2, Aranea’s monologuing definitely recalls Scratch’s monologuing. (And of course, the journal entries from Mindfang before that).

The background information here is definitely relevant for one thing; helping us to understand the emotional background of the characters.

https://homestuck.com/story/5986

Long isolation and hardened pursuit of justice sounds like a certain mail-lady.

https://homestuck.com/story/5997

As in her initial conversation with Terezi, Aranea calls attention to the somewhat “fake” nature of Choice, and libertarian free will as it is often conceived of. It would not be in keeping with Caliborn’s character for him to choose the other option; just as it would seemingly not be in keeping with Vriska’s character for her to abandon her pursuit of power.

https://homestuck.com/story/6017

Terezi’s black and white worldview - her view of acts as good and evil, and her view of people as either good or evil - makes her completely incapable of coping with the shame of her bad decisions. Terezi doesn’t know how to forgive, or what forgiveness looks like - she does not know how to bridge the gap between herself and someone else once they are estranged. She has never been able to forgive Vriska. And she certainly can’t forgive herself. Not for getting into a relationship with Gamzee. Not for becoming addicted to Faygo. Not for repairing her vision. And certainly not for killing Vriska.

https://homestuck.com/story/6020

And Karkat brings it around again to the ongoing conversation about the ways characters are estranged from themselves.

https://homestuck.com/story/6043

Tavros’s single emotional triumph in pretty much the entire story.

He finally ditches his abusive girlfriend, and stops putting up with her.

Ironically, being tolerated in their wickedness is probably the last thing people need when they’re involved with it.

Letting Vriska keep on abusing him is a disservice to both Tavros and Vriska.

Really, it’s best for both of them.

https://homestuck.com/story/6050

Vriska continues the pattern of shit-talking herself. She always vacillates between vastly inflated self-esteem, and complete dejection.

https://homestuck.com/story/6054

Vriska’s vastly inflated ego is part and parcel of her nature as a Thief of Light I think.

Because she doesn’t just think the world of herself in the sense of stealing everyone else’s meaning and relevance.

Vriska assigns all the responsibility in the world to herself. If she doesn’t act, or if she doesn’t, as far as Vriska is concerned, everything that comes to pass, comes to pass because she wills it, at least at the moment.

Vriska Serket is a Megalomaniac of the highest order; she conflates herself with Lord English. She conflates herself with God.

Vriska is as alienated from herself as anyone is, and it’s because she thinks she understands who she truly is, and considers living up to the ideal version of herself a matter of ultimate importance.

https://homestuck.com/story/6056

Kanaya’s intervention is parallel to Dave and Karkat’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/6065

Caliborn has graduated from having nothing but complete disdain for everyone who is not himself to having some use for other people, but even his camaraderie only extends to those who prove themselves useful to him; he makes a mockery of friendship, and his attempts at civility are signifiers as empty as his life is of the possibility of genuine benevolence.

https://homestuck.com/story/6071

Meenah’s emotional theatrics are as genuinely disheartening as they are darkly hilarious because, like Dirk, and like Vriska, Meenah is a Dangerous PersonTM; she views the violence she is capable of as being intrinsic in her nature, and something she basically is incapable of resisting. Like everyone else in the story, Meenah is basically uneasy with who she is, but only a handful of characters are like Meenah in that they are basically resigned to that uneasiness. Instead of doing the things Meenah wants to do, she does the things she does not want to do.

https://homestuck.com/story/6241

So here we are at the end of Disc 2, in the same basic predicament we were at the end of Disc 1.

Everyone is miserable. Everyone’s relationships have broken down all but completely.

Everyone is estranged from each other, and everyone is estranged from themselves, and if they think a cute little reunion is going to resolve all of the emotional problems that they have failed to confront over the past three years, they’re in for a rude awakening.

More tomorrow, as we start in on the final quarter of Homestuck.

See you tomorrow; Same Cam Time, Same Cam Channel

#liveblogging #commentary #paul tillich

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wendell-or-something · 4 years

Text

it is time.

I want to compile a more complete rundown of my thoughts about homestuck 2. I want all the stuff in my head to be in one place, and I know this is going to be incredibly long winded and I don’t care. I want to be honest... I want to understand why I don't like this media. on more than a "but of course" level because there are a lot of people who have it as a gut reaction that this stuff isn't right. but I think there are layers to what produces that. I wanna get in depth with this. so that's what I'm gonna attempt to do.

okay, so, the first thing I think I wanna say is a disclaimer. I have not actually read the epilogues. or homestuck 2. I have a peripheral knowledge of what happens in them because, as a concerned citizen, I poked around enough to pick up details and know that I wouldn't enjoy this media if I fully engaged with it. my assessment of the material may be flawed because of this, but I mean... if the things I've heard about the epilogues deterred me from reading it, then I guess that's what I'm analyzing? not only what I understand based on my limited knowledge, but also why it is so limited to begin with. why this media is such a huge deterrent to so many people who care so much about homestuck. ultimately, this is not to shame people who like this media... I will be addressing common takes I've heard from people who defend the epilogues, but I'm not singling anyone out, and anyone who reads this has a right to disagree, or better yet, ignore me and find enjoyment where you are able, even if I cannot. I will not begrudge you that. additionally, I am considering the epilogues and homestuck 2 to be one unit. not necessarily in terms of structure, but because the events of one lead directly into the events of the other, and the two have similar issues. I think I'll shorthand the combination of the two as EP/HS2 for simplicity, and refer to either individually if I have something specific to say about one or the other.

I think the main problem that people have with EP/HS2 is that it's depressing. and it's depressing for a myriad of different reasons, but I'll get to those in a minute. first I want to establish why them being depressing doesn't work for so many people. I feel like this should be examined first, because a lot of the supporters of EP/HS2 are viewing the complaints against it as over sensitivity from fans who only liked the comic for its lighter elements. I keep seeing a "y'all just wanted your rainbow cotton candy fluff ending" kind of sentiment going around. and like... you are right that this isn't a fluff ending. but I think it's unfair to treat the particular type of content that EP/HS2 brought to the table as the only kind of substantial, fulfilling narrative that we could've asked for.

and I think a lot of the dissonance that people see between homestuck and EP/HS2 is based in the ratio of tension to levity, and how far it's shifted toward pure tension... especially because, at the end of homestuck, all the outside threats to this group of friends have already been resolved. and yet, shit feels leagues more catastrophically bad during the epilogues than it did during the comic when the characters were actually under attack, which is super weird when you think about it. I mean, "epilogues" my ass, am I right? it is true that homestuck was never 100% sunshine and rainbows... in fact, some of the darker events that it brought to the table became some of the most hyped shit in the comic. murderstuck is mostly what I'm thinking of first in terms of this, but there was a lot of popular angst laden content within homestuck that the fans latched onto. the thing is, the fans also latched onto the content that was super goofy, and the fan works that you can still find online from the era of homestuck's initial popularity reflect both sides of its tone in equal measure. there was a huge amount of goofy fan content (octopimp's youtube channel is still a record of that, and that wasn't even the half of it). and there was a huge amount of angsty content, and there was a huge amount of heartfelt content... turns out, homestuck had broad appeal, and spoke to different people in different ways. and back then, I never really felt like the goofy stuff was being treated as any less important than the heavy stuff. it wasn't brushed off just because it was seen as lighthearted. people liked to laugh, and I fully believe that Andrew Hussie began doing homestuck as a fun activity.

the reason why I bring this up is because homestuck as a piece of media could beget all of these various takes. the fan works could be tonally dissonant when held side by side with each other, but when held against the parts of the comic that inspired them, they made perfect sense. homestuck could spawn jokes, and angst, and social commentary, and theories... and even extrapolation on canonical events, in ways both silly and serious. and when you look at the kind of content that the fans produced during homestuck's height, you see what was important to them. they put time and effort into crafting even their dumbest meme shit. the fans reflected what the comic gave to them. and humor and heart were among the most beloved core engagements that the comic provided... these were pillars on which a lot of fan enjoyment rested... you really can't begrudge a person their fun.

and treating darkness and angst as the sole indicator of maturity in a work seems misguided to me. because, speaking personally for a moment here, one of the biggest lessons I had to teach myself when I was growing up was how not to wallow in negative emotions. how to find the fun, sometimes rather aggressively, so that you don't just drown. and with EP/HS2, it feels like at every turn, readers are constantly grasping for something nice or fun to keep them afloat in all this heavy stuff, and either they come to accept mere scraps of positivity, or everything they reach for is eventually dissolved as well. and I think the character of a piece of media as a whole can sometimes tell you what level of maturity it's operating under. like, if the text lingers over making the characters miserable, or seems to revel in shooting holes in people's positive interpretations of these people, you have to kind of wonder if this is serving the narrative, or just producing author schadenfreude when they release what amounts to shock content.

it almost feels like a twisting of the way homestuck used to treat the fans, because during it's run, homestuck was very reactive towards the fanbase. this kind of canon responsiveness to the readers was baked into homestuck from the very beginning, back when Hussie was accepting reader suggestions for what John Egbert should do. and need I remind everyone that the trolls were made as parodies of different types of personalities that were common to find online during homestuck's era? they are internet trolls, who are actually an alien race known as trolls, who communicate primarily online, and whose culture and species developed to produce an ornery and antagonistic population, so like... it's trolls all the way down. that's the whole joke. but the real, valuable benefit of parodying your fans with your characters, is that when the trolls act, they reflect the way real people acted. which means that when, say, Nepeta shoehorns RP lingo into casual conversation, some people will be like "it me!" and some people will laugh/cringe because they've seen people actually talk like that, and some people will be like "aww, that used to be me!" and every time a character produces this sense of identification with the audience, it works to create familiarity, and eventually, a sense of fondness.

that fondness is fucking powerful.

that fondness is born out of recognition and empathy, no matter which character you feel it for, and when a giant community of people loves a character that you have seen yourself reflected in so clearly, that is an incredibly validating experience. especially when you’re young, and the pieces of yourself that you saw were some of the nerdiest, weirdest, most awkward parts of you. a very large community of people loves a character that is like you, even, or perhaps especially, because of the flawed parts. and of course these characters were meant to tease the fans a little... these characters were also jokes to some extent the whole time. but they were never seen as cruel or insulting, because these characters were also important. the story literally built whole worlds around their identities... these kids altered universes. and they were allowed to be that important and special without being perfect first. they were dumb, and awkward, and nerdy, and cringey, and allowed to be there anyway. they were you, and you were important.

and this is where I think that EP/HS2 really misses the point. because in homestuck, the characters experienced hardship, but that hardship went on to fuel an overall sense of accomplishment when it was overcome. the road might be long, and it might be tough, and you might face shit that you don't feel prepared for, but when triumph is achieved, it feels that much more earned. and that is a key phrase I want everyone to remember homestuck for:

triumph.

it's the feeling that cascade gave me. it is the highest of heights that this whole thing reached. and it really has so much to do with how homestuck had built itself up until that point. we were mired in the minutiae of these kids' lives. we read their every chat log. we saw them dicking around doing next to nothing. we saw them contact each other and talk to each other for basically no reason other than to catch up. we saw them sharing stupid memes, and yelling at each other for wasting time on pointless bullshit, and dunking on each other's shitty taste in media... every one of them was "you" at some point. "you captchaloged this" or "you decided to do that" and it made a subtle connection in your brain that convinced you to feel things with them and accept what they "decided" as something that you had done alongside them. in some small way, you did homestuck. and this notion was further supported by how much of what the fans were doing would make its way back into what the comic was doing. the comic and the fans existed in a kind of symbiosis, and that fed into the feeling of connection that the fans had with this particular story. this thing was alive, and it moved in tandem with the community.

so when something big like cascade happened, you were right there with them. you were deep in the center of it. and you wanted to be, because this was your payoff. you did the work with these kids... you put in the time. and the triumph was yours too.

this is why EP/HS2 shouldn't be depressing. the core of the story was triumph against all odds. to take the triumph that was earned over the course of the whole story, and ruin it for the sake of generating angst... it misses the point. I did not read all 8000+ pages of homestuck multiple times because I wanted a tragedy. if I wanted tragedy, I would choose a different story. of course a lot of fans would have trouble liking EP/HS2... this wasn't what they signed up for. it pulls the rug out from under the fans of the original comic by pulling a mean genre bait and switch. why would people who liked a story like homestuck want a story like this? and I mean, obviously some people were okay with this. some people like EP/HS2. but you have to admit that it is an entirely different thing than what homestuck was.

I’ve heard some folks try to compare the darker parts of EP/HS2 to the darker parts of homestuck, and this is why they aren't the same. the darkness performs different functions in each story. in homestuck, it contrasts the lighter parts and creates a reason to keep everyone moving. in EP/HS2, it is the whole darn thing. the story is simply woven from it to begin with. I have heard some people say that they think of EP/HS2 as cathartic... as a reflection of life when things are painful or hard. but I think we really need to remember what catharsis is. catharsis doesn’t begin and end with pain. catharsis has to do something with that pain, or it’s just pain for pain’s sake. and the further I look into EP/HS2, the more I feel like the story is just playing it straight as a tragedy... though sometimes I wonder if it knows this.

so let's pull apart the tragedy of EP/HS2. because while I don’t really enjoy tragedies, (hence why I liked homestuck, and didn’t like EP/HS2... they are opposites in this sense), I still understand how tragedies work. catharsis can be part of it... to see something sad happen, and relate to that sadness, and feel a deep emotion... that does make sense. but the line between catharsis and just plain agitation is whether or not the pain actually provides you with a sense of relief. if the story leaves the character stuck in a bad emotional place, you feel stuck too... unable to confront the emotional burden that the story has saddled you with in a satisfying way, because it isn't even your own. in real life, when you are hurt, at least you have the ability to do whatever you need for yourself, in order to eventually feel better. I have grieved before, and somehow found it in me to laugh again since. but in stories, you rely on the author to construct the characters' response to bad events, and if things just go from bad to worse, sometimes with little resistance, the audience is eventually going to feel really agitated by the lack of relief. even stories that end in death provide catharsis due to the finality of it. the life ends, and provides a sense of closure. but EP/HS2 doesn’t give you an out. it just keeps driving many of the characters into more and more mundanely uncomfortable and dissatisfying lives, or turns them into people we would rather not know or read about.... which feels like a loss to the reader, even though the character is right there. at that point, the character's presence only makes you feel worse because they used to be someone you liked, but now they're just a reminder of your disappointment. and this level of your emotional discomfort isn't even something that the narrative will address, because it's just a side effect of how things are going. it isn't poetic, and there is no real comfort given to lighten that load... it's just unpleasant.

and on a more technical level, I would like to point out that stories create a kind of transaction between author and reader. and once you understand the status quo between you and a particular author, you can gauge the level of investment you feel safe putting in the characters. at their core, it stands to reason that stories should require conflict to be interesting. but in order to stay interesting, they also need to give us a reason to care about the conflict. in homestuck, I felt like the story set up a status quo in which we felt comfortable caring about certain characters, because we subtly trusted that the author wasn't wasting our time or jerking us around. like, you knew that a lot of crazy shit was on the table, but it felt like the story was growing, the author was interested in that growth, and thus he would not kill it. even if you couldn't begin to guess what was gonna happen next, you at least didn't have to worry about the author hugely ruining things that you liked about the story. he seemed like he liked those things too. we were all on the same page in that regard.

this is where character investment was very important to homestuck... the readers needed something to hang on to, or they'd lose interest in what was going on, and in homestuck specifically, the thing that kept us hanging on, was our love for these characters, and our wish to see them prevail against the odds. we were hoping for a satisfying ending, and interested in how we'd get there. and by now, I think homestuck fans in particular are very determined to stick to the characters by nature. if we weren't, then we would've been bored out of reading the comic in the first place back in act 1, when the most exciting thing that had happened was John going through his house and finding his dad in the kitchen. if you don't love John at least a little, you won't want to keep reading about him picking up items and describing them to you for a whole chapter, with not but the entertainment value of his character's particular perspective and voice to sustain you.

obviously, character investment isn't always a story's draw... but it was definitely homestuck’s. and even giving EP/HS2 the benefit of the doubt... let's say we're just judging it on the merits of being a tragic story. there are many levels of engagement that a story can hit, and in a lot of tragedies, the interest comes from the machinations of the plot. you already know it's going to end sadly, but you have the ability to process the sadness (a negative emotional experience and potential reader deterrent) while still maintaining interest, because you want to know how it will happen. it is unfortunate then, that EP/HS2 isn't a stand alone story, independent from homestuck itself. because if you tell a homestuck fan that the story will now only end in sadness, they likely won't want to know how it happens. because they already decided to like and relate to these characters, and wish for their happiness. they were taught it was okay to hope for that, based on the way the story used to be. basically, one of the essential appeals of homestuck (character investment) is actively working against the core appeal of a tragedy (understanding how sad events came to pass) because homestuck's appeal worked so well to begin with. it's basically nonsensical to try and jump track from one to the other, because the reader is much more likely to fall off the wagon entirely, and ignore your story in order to preserve their enjoyment of the story they already consumed.

but to get way more blunt about this... homestuck was good, and ruining what it left us with was unpopular for obvious reasons. fans were successfully invested in the story, the final triumphant payoff was a satisfying way to cap the narrative, and honestly... I think homestuck probably should've just stopped while the vibes were good. people were satiated. they were sad that it was over, but the sadness came from fondness, and that just sort of felt appropriate. we had it so good.

the transaction between author and reader was stable at that point. we had conflict. we had a reason to care. we got a resolution. there was a level of trust established, and honored... we trusted that there was a rhythm to the story. a push and pull between the kind of threat that would necessitate action from our heroes, and the ability of the characters to overcome the conflict well enough that we'd be left with something satisfying in the end. this trust no longer exists in EP/HS2. the epilogues broke it, and homestuck 2 has failed to repair it because, to be honest, it was already too badly damaged. it would take a full retcon to actually bring that back after the epilogues, but then it uh... screwed the pooch all over again. sorry, that was insensitive.

anyway. so like... what about the particulars of the story's content? I mean... I know I'm dissatisfied because a lot of the characters have been blatantly destroyed. Dirk will be my example for this bit, I mean, just look at him. in one epilogue route he commits suicide, and by making Ult. Dirk a thing, they effectively unestablished the identity of Dirk as he was in homestuck. and my limited knowledge of the epilogues doesn't allow me to really know about this, but was there even any acknowledgement of how death works in homestuck? Dirk must've known that if he killed himself, he'd end up as a ghost out in the dream bubbles. that is still a thing, right? Dave could've gone looking for him. considering Dirk's pesterquest route, he should've wanted to. and see, there's an example of what might've approached catharsis in a situation like that... pain, but also a human person dealing with that pain in a way that feels like fulfillment. but as far as I've heard, the story didn't go there? so it's just pain for pain's sake... or maybe just a bid to get rid of the more complex version of his character and replace him with an anime villain. and the method doesn't even make any sense, like, Dirk is the last character that would ever commit suicide because, by his own canonical words, he is scared to not exist. he literally couldn't bring himself to destroy the AR because of this, in spite of having every technical and emotional reason to want to. this is a major pain point for him, and I know it's typical to think of someone with self hatred wanting to kill themselves, but Dirk is a particularly different case. he should not be shoved into such an ill fitting generic narrative for shock value.

and beyond that, let's say you're someone who identified with Dirk. let's say that when homestuck said "you are now Dirk Strider" you were like "oh fuck I kinda am tho" and you were invested in him ever since. let's say that the points of investment you felt with him were in his troubles with self loathing, his fear of not existing, or his trouble communicating his true feelings to others. this is a rather dismal end for Dirk to have come to... and a rather dismal story for you to read if you still relate to this character. if you're coming off the end of homestuck still securely relating to him as heavily as you did when he was allowed to triumph, how fucking bad is it gonna feel to see him so thoroughly obliterated? to whiplash so hard from a perceived success to such abject failure is just mean. this story is so mean now, like, everyone's got the bug it seems.

and not only do several characters perish (literally, or by being mismanaged) for cheap drama in EP/HS2, but some just turn into shitty people? like, Rose recently revealed that she cheated on Kanaya. I simply hate the idea that Rose would grow up to be the type of person who would do that. I remember Rose in acts 1 through 5 being the kind of person who had misguided ideas about what course of action she thought would be effective. she would make some pretty big decisions, and act on destructive impulses, often in spite of what her friends thought was safe. in essence, I can see where the authors of homestuck 2 would get the idea of Rose going off and doing big shit without telling people. but this ignores why she was so determined to do any of that stuff in the first place... Rose was just as invested in protecting the people she cared about as anyone. and besides that, I thought her arc in those early acts had taught her something about that approach? I thought she got closer to people, to the point where they could voice a concern and she'd listen.

in regards to her relationship with Kanaya in particular, there's a huge difference between knowing someone for a day at the age of 13, and spending 3 more years getting to know and love that person before deciding to marry them. so even if this was the reflection of a quality that Rose had back then, I thought she grew past it... she had ample time and opportunity... we even watched her get better about this sort of thing. literally this rolls back her character development to when she was a child, and makes her a shitty adult. and if I’m being really scathing here, I might as well say that this feels like an example of that thing that stories sometimes do, where they only care about a relationship while the characters are struggling to get together. and then once they are together, it timeskips past their relationship being functional and lands you at a point where they're experiencing turbulence. at which point it leverages their relationship trouble for drama, rather than letting the two function well as a unit against an outside threat of some kind. like, no happy couples exist in fiction! gotta wring your conflict out of the fact that they’re falling apart! it feels like they’re being exploited by the writers.

and worst of all... this betrayal of trust by Rose either ruins Rose and Kanaya's marriage, or makes Kanaya seem like a fool. I keep thinking back to their time on the meteor, when Rose asked if Kanaya was breaking up with her because they finally reached that tipping point where Rose's drinking had to be acknowledged as a problem. and Kanaya said that no, she wasn't breaking up with her, and stuck with Rose because she was dedicated to loving her even if that meant helping her with a serious problem. that was such a strong character moment for Kanaya. it displayed her loyalty and dedication to Rose, but also a nuanced understanding of when a problem can actually be solved by dedicated effort. having her be so committed to staying with Rose in spite of Rose's transgressions is like a perversion of those positive qualities. now it just feels like Kanaya is irrationally willing to put up with anything from Rose, no matter how egregious. it takes a trait that was so nice about Kanaya, and uses it in such an upsetting way... and honestly, there was no reason to do that.

but this is a huge problem with EP/HS2... there's like, juuuuuust enough of a through line for people to think that it makes sense. so when I try to say that the characters are just better people than this, and that they're smart enough to do the most basic fundamental things to prevent pain in people that they care about... when I say I believe in the integrity of these characters, I could very well get someone adamantly insisting that I was just being naive. that sometimes, in reality, people disappoint you. what can I even do about that, without sounding like I'm in denial, or like I'm only interested in liking these characters when all their rough spots are smoothed away? how can I begin to articulate that these aren't decisions being made by the characters... they're decisions being made by authors who I don't trust for exactly this reason. and I very especially hate this because just... no! I know what these characters' flaws actually were! and what their strengths were! I had a solid read on their identity, because homestuck was so friggin good at establishing that! I know that a huge part of Rose coming into her own was learning how to cut all the snarky passive aggressive sarcasm and just be honest about her feelings... something that she actually advocated for when talking to Dave, but also had to learn to do herself. the logical escalation of Rose’s character would be a trend toward more openness... but also, just in general, Rose never had a kindness problem. like, I guess that’s the biggest thing I have an issue with. Rose was never this unkind.

it just feels like the writers want us to believe that not only was Kanaya played for a fool, but we were as well. we thought Rose was better than this. we thought we were better judges of character than this. and honestly... we were! the writing was not on the wall about this development. but that just doesn't mean anything because EP/HS2 said that it happened.

and this also harms the relatability of Rose for the people who used to identify with her. I'm not saying she has to be perfect... obviously, characters can and should be flawed. and characters can have flaws that you don't perfectly relate to the specifics of. Rose developed a drinking problem at a young age, which a few people might've related to, but it's very specific. but if you broaden the implications of that in the context of a story... a ton of people will be able to relate to the concept of developing an unhealthy coping mechanism, or doing something you don't really enjoy just to relate to a relative who has been distant to you for whatever reason, or even just having a complicated relationship with a parent. so what if you apply this kind of broadened meaning to Rose's cheating? the idea that she is not trustworthy. that she hides major, life altering information from people who are very close to her and should've been told. that she doesn't trust her partner, and would rather sneak around and hide this for years, rather than either letting her partner be involved in this part of her life, or accepting that her partner isn't comfortable with this development and respecting that boundary. this sort of thing is really alienating to people who know that they themselves are better than this. and “alienating” is the exact antithesis of what homestuck always was to the people who loved it.

what's especially interesting to me, is that the effects of this alienation actually come through in the way that people talk about EP/HS2 nowadays. I don't know if anyone has noticed this trend yet, but people tend to talk about the events of EP/HS2 as decisions made by writers, rather than decisions made by characters. which is weird, because people didn't do that so much with homestuck. and for this I wanna break out Vriska as an example. a lot of people like Vriska, and a lot of people hate Vriska. she's controversial. but no matter what, people always take Vriska's actions as though they're hers. and if they hate what Vriska does in the story, then they hate Vriska. not Hussie, for writing her that way. not even the vague concept of the narrative. they consider Vriska's actions to actually belong to her and form her identity, which they then pass judgment on, one way or another. Hussie is even a character that canonically exists within homestuck, and nobody ever thought to blame him, in universe, for being the origin of Vriska as a trouble causing entity in the story. compare that with how many times you'll see someone say that they don't like what the EP/HS2 writers have done with Rose, Jade, Jane, etc.... they tend not to actually level blame at the characters themselves. obviously this does vary a lot from person to person, but as a vague trend, I would say that people are starting to detach themselves from the characters, or at least detach the characters from their actions in EP/HS2. and to me it reads as a bit of a defense mechanism. it is a degree of separation that lets these characters keep their integrity, and the potential for positive development that they had when homestuck initially ended. it is a trend that, to me, proves the point that the level of pain for pain's sake in this story is too much. without relief, people disengage. even if they want to keep up with how the characters are doing, they no longer want to buy into the narrative's reality... so they acknowledge the author, and the fact that this is fiction. they remove themselves from the act of being invested. and the more adamantly you see people doing this, the more uncomfortable you can assume it feels for these people to buy into the events of the story and treat them as real.

to jump track to another odd point that I think creates a further barrier between cast and audience... has anyone noticed the age of the main cast's children that we've seen appear so far? all of them seem to be similar to the ages of the beta kids when we first met them. they're teenagers. and that means that, if my knowledge is correct, we kinda skipped a chunk of these people's lives. we never really spent time seeing the original homestuck kids as new parents... we never saw them raising their babies. and I get that this is an odd complaint, but it's an example of the story not growing with its audience. it's missing a huge opportunity, not only to show us this portion of their lives, but to fill in with some major world building when it comes to Earth C. are we supposed to assume that absolutely none of the main cast of homestuck made any new friends on Earth C? did they not explore what kind of culture popped up on this planet? what if one of the main cast had gone out and met someone totally new to befriend or love on this planet? but no... we're strictly only interested in the original cast and their kids, which they only ever had with each other, and nobody is really friends anymore, but nobody has met anyone new either... basically depression and isolation is the only option for these characters if the writers aren't willing to actually let them live in the world they're living in. and besides that, at time of writing, there is one friend of mine from my friend group that is just now planning on getting married. he'll be the first of all of us. and while he and his fiancé want kids pretty quickly once they're settled down, it still hasn't even happened yet. we're in our late 20s. and believe me, I understand the desire to timeskip to when the kids are old enough to be full people, but you have to remember not only that there are other ways to introduce new characters, but also who we're even trying to relate to here. is it the new kids, or their parents? because most of us aren't parents yet, much less the parents of teenagers, but we aren’t teenagers anymore either, and this isn’t framed as their story anyway. how are the majority of homestuck’s older fans represented in EP/HS2?

and when EP/HS2 skips the portion of these characters' lives that we, in real life, are actually living, it subtly hints that a story that would reflect what our lives are like isn't interesting, and tells us that not much good is expected to be waiting in our futures either. and the bigger problem with that is that the writing decisions in EP/HS2 represent the authors' answer to the question: how do we make this interesting? clearly they didn't think that anyone would be satisfied with a nice little romp through the lives these characters might've built. like, a slice of life type of story? or maybe something with a smaller stakes conflict? I dunno why, but my first thought was like... what if Jane ended up actually becoming a detective, and the story just had an intermission-style detour into her solving a case or something? at least a weird, hyper specific detour like that would signal that we care about what she's doing... that'd be fine by me! but they couldn't even give us something that would frame her as a good person... they just treated her like she never got un-possessed by the Condesce, and called it a day. it just feels like these are authors who wouldn't be satisfied with a story that lets the characters be at ease in their private lives. peace is something that is off the table, like, if the characters are living good, satisfying lives, we will never hear about it because apparently that counts as nothing to report.

but also... in the absence of the larger plot machinations that SBURB provided, what was left to create a struggle for these characters to face? it couldn't be Jack Noir, Lord English, the Condesce... those threats all got resolved. and they couldn’t let the characters exist in any facsimile of peace. so the writers needed something to stir things up. and in trying to find a new challenge to drive the story, they dug into the stuff that, in my opinion, should not have been used in this way. they began grasping at character drama, trying to wring conflict out of the deterioration of the relationships between the characters.

but at the same time, they're trying to capture the grandeur of homestuck during its more iconic moments. and okay, this is a pretty far out there speculation, but I've always made this observation about homestuck, and the way it got popularized. early on, fans would get into it with no real idea of how big or ambitious the story was going to be. going into act 1 blind, you wouldn't suspect this comic of being much more than a quirky, funny little weekly strip, set up for the sole purpose of making weird jokes about Nic Cage or Harry Anderson. then you get to the big shit. which in act 1 could just be the meteor destroying John's house. but that's a pretty impressive amount of escalation based on the expectations you had. fast forward to a bigger moment, like the reveal that the trolls' SGRUB session created the human universe, and you're super excited about this. so you tell whoever will listen that they should really read homestuck! and maybe they listen, and they go to page one and... well... they seem kind of unimpressed by the way the comic looks. this is what all the hype was about? and you really wanna sell it to them, so you're like, no, seriously, it gets so much better. and maybe you show them bits like the LOWAS walk around flash game, or maybe [S] make her pay, or something. and they're like, whoa, the comic gets like that? so perhaps they slog through the early acts, or maybe they just skip to the trolls and double back when they're confused enough... but either way, the comic's selling point is now it's climax, not the buildup.

and the problem with viewing the comic this way is that homestuck is both things. proportionally, homestuck is actually way more composed of the tedious little stuff than the grand big stuff. but homestuck was popularized via the grand big stuff, and sometimes I feel like EP/HS2 is attempting to fill itself with big stuff like that, but it isn't doing the legwork right. it's using character drama to fuel itself, but it's also trying to be highly epic in terms of its presentation. the lack of contrast flattens everything out, and as I described earlier, the story no longer has that essential push and pull between the terrorizing forces that threaten the characters/raise the stakes, and the unity and likability of the cast that makes you care about their struggle/gets you invested in seeing the conflict resolved. and I just wanna point out that those little interstitial bits... the ones that are typically viewed as the stuff you have to slog through in order to get to the interesting part? those were our main source of knowledge when it came to the characters. it's how we got invested in them and came to know that we liked or related to them in the first place.

the larger ramifications of this lean away from the little things, while also leaning into character drama to fuel conflict in the plot, leads to the overuse of bombastic character drama. sensationalized character drama. everything is always a huge fucking deal, while also being primarily concerned with the existing characters, rather than any kind of outside threat. so what are the tools? a wedding? a funeral? terminal illness, betrayal, a change in ideology that creates a schism... the loss of identity. all these high drama moments that generate conflict by sacrificing the bonds these characters shared. you know... letting that core piece of investment self destruct. the story is basically eating itself in order to sustain its momentum, but there's basically no point anymore. it's been gutted of the stuff that really mattered.

so why did everything go so badly? why do half of the characters not even like each other anymore? why do we not even like half of them anymore? why did the writers feel the need to dismantle them like this? well, because what else do we have to work with... how do you introduce a new threat to these characters without it being either SBURB all over again, or something entirely different that just makes these characters seem overwhelmingly put upon by the universe, like, more than any other individuals that have ever existed. it's actually a very rudimentary power escalation problem. gotta find that next level of bigger problem to set on everyone.

but do you wanna know what kind of homestuck fan I’ve been since the very beginning? I started reading homestuck 9 years ago. I think I was like 16 or 17? and at first I wasn’t sure how to interact with the comic, so I went to the “about” section of the website. it told me, in a broad sense, what mspaintadventures.com was, as a collection of work, and suggested that I begin by reading problem sleuth. not knowing that it wasn’t part of homestuck, I did just that. I read all of it. before I even got to homestuck. I am a fan that lives for the small, stupid, tedious fucking around. the slow buildup of total bullshit... the complex setup that gives you a million microscopic payoffs on it’s way to god knows what end goal. it’s like watching an explosion in reverse. all the tiny little pieces fly chaotically together and coalesce into a whole story, and you got to watch it build itself, piece by tiny little piece. I live and breathe for that level of detail. and the most fun I ever had with the story was when the characters were wandering around an environment, exploring and using various objects to set up these wacky chain reactions, half of which you’d never see coming, but which would all retroactively make sense in the end.

what I’m saying is that small scale conflict is interesting. and there are whole genres that build themselves off of this. I actually think that in certain instances, homestuck may fall under the slice of life genre. and slice of life is largely misunderstood as a rather bland genre, but the appeal is watching people with personalities that you enjoy. you watch them live their lives, and you go along for the ride. true slice of life is not a soap opera... it’s just enjoying the company of people who happen to be fictional. there's always been an element of that in homestuck... these were characters that you could see yourself getting along with if you met them. they were entertaining because of how they saw the world... how you would see the world if you were looking through their eyes. and homestuck gave you that opportunity. sometimes, that actually is all that you need.

I'm not saying that homestuck's ideal form is as a purely slice of life type of story... but wasn't that kind of what a lot of the fan works felt like? little comics about funny scenarios, or preexisting comedy bits with roles assigned to the characters they reminded you of... that stuff was the form that fun took for the fans of this comic. why is that so easily dismissed as frivolous? why is it so bad to want a little of that back? sometimes, you do wanna get into the hard stuff. maybe you wanna see Dave and Dirk have a conversation where they both admit that all they wanted as kids was a brother, and neither felt like they got to have that, but in very different ways. maybe you wanna see Roxy and Rose compare their similar feelings of estrangement, and explore the emotions that led them into their respective struggles with alcohol. maybe you wanna see John have a moment of sadness when he decides he wants to raise a kid, because he misses his own dad, and while Jane's dad is definitely family, he isn't the guy that actually raised John for the first 13 years of his life. maybe you wanna see Jade get inordinately clingy with every single one of her friends until one of them finally voices a concern about needing some space, only to see a glimpse of Jade's absolute terror at the thought of being alone again. and that pain is something that could definitely find a place in a story with more actual down time. maybe these moments of actually cathartic lingering pain could be explored with sensitivity in a story that gives them room to breathe. if the writers played their cards right and let the characters heal in meaningful ways, they might've even gotten tears of happiness out of a few of us. wouldn't that have been wild.

I just hate the idea that something is more realistic if it's dark. that's not true at all. I understand where the sentiment comes from. I understand the merits of taking an unflinching look at hard truths. but cynicism is not the same as realism. and realistically, people will try hard to seek good things for themselves in life. and even if they miss the mark... even if they fall into depression, or lack the ability to make their dreams a reality, these particular characters had already sought and found good people. people who would, realistically, absolutely help a friend if they needed it. I know this, because I watched them do that. the whole first five acts were literally about the trolls yelling at the humans because there was a huge problem that they blamed the kids for causing, and what did these kids do? they said "hey wait, let's fix that" and they did. even though the trolls made a horribly rude first impression. even though it was monumentally challenging. these kids have fought and died for each other's sake. they are family. if not by blood then by bond. and when that part of a story resonates with an audience, it is valuable.

I feel like I shouldn't have to defend the value of connecting positively with an audience. I get that this may be kind of a hokey take... I get that the people who currently like EP/HS2 will probably think I'm asking for something far too saccharine. but at this point I don't even care. once again, this is just my personal opinion, long and rant-like though it may be. and clearly it will change nothing about the current state of homestuck's most canon non-canon continuation. I guess my one major frustration is the extent to which some people have bought into what I consider to be blatant character defamation. it pains me when people talk about the actions of some of the characters in EP/HS2, because while many blame the writers for the unsettling behavior displayed by them in EP/HS2, some will readily consider this to be where the kids from the early acts really ended up as people.

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #fair warning this is all criticism #don't like don't read #and all that jazz #I'm pinning this post cuz I don't wanna lose it #because looking at it will be my self control when I wanna rant about it again and I know I will #like no you asshole you already ranted you don't have to do it again #cw: suicide #I legit forgot to tag that til I went to get a shower and realized halfway through #I basically info dumped all this here and then my head was well and truly empty #also #cw: cheating #?#idk that's the only other thing I can think of that I discussed here which might be a problem for some folks #btw subtle tag whispering that the reblog with tags explaining where a couple of the things I mentioned were addressed a little was nice #I knew I wouldn't get everything spot on... this is definitely criticism coming from a not 100% informed place #but yeah... I still kinda feel like even if the epilogues acknowledge the writer as an entity that differs from the characters...#that just kind of doubles down on the inability of fans to engage? like it cements it.#and even if meat does focus on their 20s while candy timeskips (which I wasn't aware of) like...#look at what happened to meat #look because I don't want to lol #is there anybody left who isn't sad?#cuz real talk I like using happy characters as wish fulfillment when I'm sad #and seeing a character get challenged and still come out with some determined positive energy... I love that #anyone remember when Aradia went god tier? I was overjoyed #literally all it took was her beating apathy and regaining her personhood #I love that stuff #god fucking damn it I'm still ranting what is even up with that

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shielddrake · 4 years

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Psychonauts: Setup and Payoff Done Well (If Not Perfectly)

So about a year ago I posted a long lecture about how Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts 3 had major problems in the story department when it came to setup and payoff. I basically said that Final Fantasy XV had lots of scenes with payoff that were not set up very well and Kingdom Hearts 3 had some excellent moments that set up story elements but never followed through on them. And while I think some of those issues have been addressed with some of the DLC released for both games (I reserve my right to be a little salty Episodes Aranea, Luna, and Noctis were canceled) I still stand by my statement that these games have big problems with this.

During the past year, I have received a couple of comments regarding my position on this, ranging from “Can you give a good example of setup and payoff?” to “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you come up with a better example?” And I thought, well, what kind of game would be a good example of excellent use of setup and payoff? What game or series would I say does the job so much better than any writer has or does, video game or otherwise?

And then, the middle of a repeat playthrough I always do before a game’s sequel comes out, it came to me:

Now Psychonauts has been out since 2005, so a spoiler warning might seem a little silly here, but I think a lot of gamers have been playing it for the first time since the sequel was announced, so just in case: Major spoilers for the original Psychonauts game under the cut.

Whenever someone tries to argue whether or not video games can be considered art, one of the first games that comes to my mind is Psychonauts, and not just because of its amazing aesthetics. It has some of the best storytelling, script writing, level design, music, voice acting, and art direction I have ever seen. This game is possibly one of the best video games I have every played, despite the flaws that it does have (I’m looking at you, Meat Circus), and it is easily on my list of top ten favorite video games. Is it really any surprise that Psychonauts 2 reached its crowd-funding goal of over $3,000,000 in about a month? And yes, I admit that I am one of those backers, just to put out there any bias I know I have.

But this isn’t meant to be a review of Psychonauts.

I replayed Psychonauts a few months ago with the idea of the first game being fresh in my mind when the sequel comes out, which is supposed to be sometime this year of 2020. I was absolutely inundated with examples of effective setup and payoff as I played, so it seemed like the obvious choice to go over how this story-telling technique can be used not only well, but also to the point where it’s almost like there are far too many examples.

Honestly, I could go on and on and on about setup and payoff in Psychonauts’ story, but for our purposes here most of the focus is going to be on just three big things that are really important to the main storyline: Linda the Lungfish, bunnies and meat, and Raz’s dad.

One thing about setup and payoff is that the setup has to actually happen in a way that the audience, in this case the player, can’t miss it. There are several moments in the game that Linda is mentioned, the first time being in the opening cutscene, where Bobby teases Dogen about the monster at the bottom of the lake. You can’t miss the setup when it is thrown in your face that way.

But that’s not the only time we get references to some sort of lake monster. Before going into Basic Braining, the first official level of the game, if Raz talks to Mikhail, the adorable Russian psychic mentions a “giant, hairless bear” in the woods, asking if Raz has seen it and wanting to wrestle with it. Now, it’s not said for certain if Mikhail is talking about Linda or if he’s just referring to the telekinetic bears you meet later on, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if it’s supposed to be the former.

The first time the player heads for the lake, Elton will run up to Raz and mention the “brain-eating fish” that supposedly lives there. Well, now we’ve got both a mention of the lake monster and the fact that it goes after brains. Hmm, sound familiar in retrospect?

Optionally, Raz can also talk to Elton about the fish being spooked by something in the lake.

Although only the first lake interaction with Elton is mandatory (whether it’s when you go to see Milla or before then), both of these moments act as reminders of the setup of the lake monster established in the opening cutscene.

And then there’s the scene in the woods between Raz and Lili on the way to Sasha Nein’s Secret Lab. Raz says that something was watching him, a shadowy being that smelled like pond scum.

I absolutely love Lili’s face in this scene, by the way.

We kind of get distracted by their interactions and Lili basically trolling Raz, but that’s part of what makes good writing. The scene is foreshadowing something without making it overly overt…not that the game is subtle every time, but the point still stands. This game does a great mix of the obvious and the subtle.

The game also has optional dialogue with Coach Oleander and Raz reporting on a UPE (Unidentified Paranormal Entity), which he suspects is aquatic in nature. And Oleander seems oddly insistent that the lake monster does not exist, that it’s just a camp fable.

Finally we get to the Brain Tumbler Experiment. Needless to say, it’s in this level that a lot of the elements come together. We come across a demon in the form of a big, shadowy figure that spits out a diving helmet. Again, does that sound familiar at all?

There is a minor mention of the lake monster in the mental vault below the spooky thorn tower (more on that near the end of this post), but other than that there’s a break in the game where the lake monster isn’t mentioned for a while. We don’t get another explicit scene about it until Raz and Lili meet Linda properly at the edge of Lake Oblongata…where Lili gets kidnapped, we go through the boss sequence under the lake, and enter Linda’s brain of Lungfishopolis. And the final payoff occurs with the Hideous Hulking Lungfish transporting us to Thorney Towers and giving Raz her real name, Linda.

Now would any of that be nearly as rewarding if we had never heard of the Hideous Hulking Lungfish of Lake Oblongata prior to her official appearance? Every single player would just have visible question marks hanging over their heads if Linda just showed up out of nowhere. Deus Ex Lungfish, anyone? But that’s not what the developers did. They spent plenty of time building up to Linda, making her reveal not only make sense but also weaving her into the story so that her reveal is more than satisfying.

There is just one thing I’ve always been curious about, a sort of chicken-and-egg scenario. Did the legend of the lake monster start because genetically-altered Linda showed up and starting attacking campers? Or did the legend already exist and Oleander used it as an excuse to write off any “sightings” of the monster? Any ideas?

Moving on from Linda, we come to the imagery of meat and bunnies.

Without knowing the full ending of the game, most players would think that it’s a bit strange I would stick meat and bunnies together in the same category. Sadly, the connection between these things is a bit on the morose side, and they are actually first introduced at the same time as well.

When I first played Psychonauts, the first time I actively thought about bunnies and meat being related somehow was during the Brain Tumbler Experiment, but that’s actually not the first time the game introduces these. Anyone else notice that Basic Braining has figments of meat cleavers, butcher knives, a pig, a duck, and a fox? I could logic that a meat cleaver and butcher knife fit with the whole army theme, but a pig, duck and fox?

Kind of odd animals would be included in all this, especially animals that are either butchered or hunted. At least that’s what I thought at first.

It is in Oleander’s mind that we first see the “meaty plant” that Lili saves from being squashed by Raz. It’s also here that we see bunnies hopping around the snowfield with the Gatling gun. This early in the game, is this important or just set dressing? I’m ashamed to admit, but I thought it was just weird set dressing when I first played, but it makes more sense as the story goes on.

Turns out it’s important all right, since the next time we see both meat and bunnies is in the Brain Tumbler Experiment. “Mr. Bun” seems like a rather random animal to have in Raz’s brain, but then again bunnies showed up in Basic Braining as well. Is there a connection somehow? Sasha tells Raz that an animal may represent a primal fear or memory.

He’s right on the latter, although a player going through the game for the first time might not know why (and I admit, on my first playthrough, I didn’t). And there’s more meat and meaty plants here. Raz doesn’t directly mention these (at least he didn’t during my most recent playthrough, to my recollection) but they are pretty obvious, to say the least.

So that’s two things connecting the Brain Tumbler Experiment and Basic Braining. Is this a normal occurrence? Maybe these things just show up in brains? Lili does mention she had been dreaming of meat plants, after all, both in Basic Braining and in the cutscene before Raz enters Milla’s mind. Maybe it’s a primal need for meat? Don’t tell the vegans I said that. The Vegan Police would be very unhappy with the final level of this game.

After the Brain Tumbler Experiment is finished, we know that the brain interference was coming from Oleander, but it’s not explained why there are meat and bunny references up until that point. There’s actually no mention of either at all in the subsequent levels until the last. Lungfishopolis, The Milkman Conspiracy, Gloria’s Theater, Waterloo World, and Black Velvetopia are devoid of all meat or bunnies, which possibly leads the player to forget about the whole thing for a while (and when I say “the player,” I really mean me).

In fact, we don’t see any sign of either until the final level of the game, Meat Circus. And, oh boy, Meat Circus.

Yeah, it should come as no surprise that I hate this level. I hated it so much that on my first playthrough of this game in 2005, I rage quit and didn’t look at Psychonauts for several days. I eventually went back to it and beat it, but let’s say I was more than a little relieved that they lowered the difficulty for it in subsequent releases.

But I digress.

We reach Meat Circus, the combined consciousness of Raz and Little Oly, and the payoff of all the meat and bunny stuff we’ve seen thus far. We have Frankenstein-esque meat bunnies, platforms made of steaks, rail grinding on bones, trapeze and trampolines of bones and skin, and of course the dark versions of both Raz’s and Oleander’s fathers, who not only are evil but also become a giant two-headed monster. When Sasha said that problems seem larger in your head than in real life, I should have known it would be taken more literally in this game.

I mean, is it really any shock that Oleander is carrying some trauma after seeing his bunny friend be decapitated by his own father? It’s never said how old Little Oly is, but considering his behavior he is clearly younger than Raz, so this happened when he was in the single digits of age. That’s really not something a little kid should see. That’s just asking for PTSD.

Anyway, back to setup and payoff, which is pretty obvious at this point. We have plenty of mentions of both bunnies and meat throughout the game, leading to the final boss that is both creepy and downright terrifying. Not only does this boss conclude Oleander’s trauma with his father being a butcher and killing his favorite bunny, but it also allows Raz to defeat his inaccurate mental image of his own father. Both of them are able to move forward from that point on. Defeating this monstrosity acts as the ultimate payoff and conclusion for both Raz and Oleander.

Speaking of Raz’s dad…

Raz’s relationship with his father at the start of the game is strained, to say the least. When Raz goes to learn Levitation from Milla, the very mention of his father showing up to take him home from the camp makes him nervous. Not the best sign here, and his other comments regarding his dad don’t make it much better.

Once Raz reaches cadet ranks ten and twenty, we get cutscenes of Raz talking with Cruller in tutorials for Pyrokinesis and Telekinesis. During Pyrokinesis, Raz first mentions that his father, Augustus, hates psychics and trained Raz in acrobatics to the point where Raz worried his dad was trying to kill him. During Telekinesis, Raz reveals his suspicions that his father is psychic as well. The memory vault we see of Raz running away from home only reinforces Raz’s perspective.

We’re led to believe that Raz’s statements are the truth, which is a logical conclusion since he’s the game’s protagonist, but the end of the game shows otherwise. At first I thought this meant Raz was simply an unreliable narrator, but that turns out to not be the whole story. While Raz is an unreliable narrator in that there are a lot of things he just doesn’t know, it’s not malicious in any way. Raz simply doesn’t know that he father really does care about him. That’s the magic of using the third-person limited point of view.

Up to this point, we’re led to believe that Augustus is a neglectful father at best, but it turns out that Augustus does love his son. He’s just apparently really bad at showing it. The very fact that he is the only one able to break into Raz’s “hard to penetrate skull” shows that there is a deeper relationship between them. And Augustus is clearly distraught that his own son sees him as a monster in his mind. Poor Augustus.

I think that a lot of the interactions between father and son in this game was cut out due to both budget and time constraints, because I feel like there is more to be said with these two than what we get in the final product. (I’m thinking we’re going to get more of that in the sequel, but that is up in the air at this time.) This doesn’t bother me too much though, since we do get effective enough setup and payoff that it doesn’t seem like it comes out of nowhere. They do finally talk to each other and express their concerns, mending their relationship…in the middle of a battle with a two-headed father monster.

Clearly these two have communication issues. The morale of this story is that it’s important to talk to one each other.

And this is certainly paid off in the end cutscene of the game. When Sasha says they want Raz to come along to rescue Truman Zanotto, Raz doesn’t just run off with them again. He turns around and gives his father puppy-dog eyes, clearly asking for permission to go this time. And Augustus not only gives it, he gives Raz his blessing and encourages him to “show them all.” Contrast this to the backstory of the game, where Augustus flat out forbids Raz from having anything to do with the Psychonauts and Raz running away in secret.

And if that’s not satisfying use of setup and payoff, I don’t know what is.

That’s not to say that all of the setup and payoff in Psychonauts is perfect. To be fair, there are times when the setup can be missed, and therefore the payoff that comes later can be confusing. The most obvious example of this is the nightmare that attacks you in The Milkman Conspiracy. When I first played the game all those years ago, my first thought was, “What in the world? What is this thing and where did it come from?”

Of course, on subsequent playthroughs, I did find the demon room in Milla’s mind, showing the same nightmares she had caged away. This is the difference between a sane mind and an insane one. Milla has all her demons under control (although notice that they have not gone away) while Boyd’s run amok because he has no way of mentally dealing with them, since his brain is a little bit busy with this, well, milkman conspiracy. The nightmares that attack in Boyd’s brain make more sense after I saw the ones in Milla’s brain. In this case, the payoff wasn’t bad since the nightmare miniboss wasn’t a bad fight, but context in the form of the setup made the payoff better.

Other times the setup can be missed? The other big one is the resolution of all the campers’ storylines. Unless the player spends time going around camp throughout the game and seeing the interactions the other campers have with each other, the little scene you have with each one once they are re-brained won’t make a lot of sense. The love triangle between J.T., Elka and Nils? J.T. and Chops having conflict about J.T. abandoning his best friend for his new girlfriend? Crystal and Clem attempting suicide to become more powerful? Chloe thinking she’s an alien? Maloof basically becoming a mob leader with Mikhail as his right-hand man? Elton and Milka’s blossoming love? …Just to name a few? Yeah, the context of all that is missed if the player doesn’t bother to talk to the other campers throughout the game, but I attribute that more to the player than the game. The developers accounted for this in the story, so it’s more the player didn’t look for the setup rather than Double Fine just not bothering to include it.

That’s just some examples of setup and payoff that I feel are probably the most important to the main storyline of Psychonauts. They are far from the only examples. Really far from it. Oh boy, could I go on about the scenarios of setup and payoff that happen in this game.

Dogen talking to the squirrels, who tell him that the short man is going to kill everyone, only for them to really be talking about Oleander?

Elton saying that Oleander’s recruiting office in Basic Braining resembles a dentist office, only to find out that one of the main antagonists, Dr. Loboto, is in fact a dentist?

Oleander having a mental vault trapped behind some mental cobwebs? Well, he has something to hide, despite him saying he doesn’t when you first play through Basic Braining. Of course, getting angry at Raz for snooping around a room with a curtain doesn’t give off the idea that Oleander has something to hide. Nope. Not suspicious at all.

Agent Crueller having all the different personalities around the camp, hinting as his unstable mental state?

The Hand of Galochio appearing in the lake as a reference to Raz’s family having a curse to die in water, and said curse just so happens to show up not only as a gameplay element but as a story element during Meat Circus?

Raz being able to read Lili’s thoughts when she doesn’t mean for him to, then for him to do it two more times near the end of the game?

How Lili’s cold stops her from sneezing out her own brain?

Sasha’s hatred of tacky lamps having to do with his past working in a tacky lamp factory? Or the shoeboxes indicating his father was a cobbler? Or the bed as the location of where his mother was horribly ill and died?

Raz needing to climb the “creepy thorn tower” in the Brain Tumbler Experiment, only to later need to climb Thorney Towers Home for the Disturbed?

The mention of the town of Shaky Claim on the giant tree stump at the camp entrance referring to the sunken town that is (somewhat) explored during the boss sequence under the lake?

Raz talking about being back in high school in Black Velvetopia despite being ten years old? Not to mention the stories the dogs tell about Lana/Lampita and Dean/Dingo?

Lastly, do I really need to mention the incredibly weird and seemingly out of place mental vault below the creepy thorn tower? A brain chicken hatches out of an egg, meets a fish in water, goes to a circus, gets placed in a teacup, and blasts people to death? Kind of a summation of Raz coming out of the egg in the Brain Tumbler Experiment, meeting Linda at Lake Oblongata, entering the Meat Circus, and getting placed in a brain tank and defeating two people? Was the mental vault a foreshadowing of the main plot of Psychonauts? I don’t know. What do you think?

*Takes a deep breath.* See what I mean when I say I could really go on and on about setup and payoff in Psychonauts? There are so many examples that it’s kind of ridiculous. It could be said that there’s too much of this kind of storytelling in the game, but I fail to see how that is a problem. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, but when it comes to setup and payoff, Psychonauts is not it.

Credits

Screenshots courtesy of the following:

Comic Foil, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN-Y6XDe0oWyhgjcGunJqGw

Global Gaming, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pjsxNSwSSA

StoryGamer, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXZ1vDFp_dw&t=139s

ThatNotSoAznKid, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ford0MGvWIc

#psychonauts #psychonauts spoilers #setup and payoff #writing in video games

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kthstrawberryshortcake · 4 years

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Nobody Knows -- BTS Jungkook drabble

I’ve been sitting on this plot idea for literally 3 months so I can’t tell you how glad I am to be able to yeet it out into the universe and move on. :’)

I hope you guys enjoy it!

Word count: 1.4k+

PS: it HAS been edited, but edited and 4 am, so who knows lol

people who asked to be tagged: @lynnthevirgo @atiny-piratequeen

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You had few complaints about your relationship in general. In the year you’d been with your boyfriend Jungkook, the pair of you have hardly fought. You’d actually been exceptionally happy together…. mostly. While dating an idol and all that it entailed was not easy, you felt all the concessions you had to make were fully worth it. Your relationship wasn’t public yet, but because you knew that would open up a whole new set of challenges, being together under the radar was okay with you.

You both were super careful to guard your secret, taking extreme measures to avoid being discovered. You knew this was pretty standard considering Jungkook’s career, so you didn’t complain, and for the most part you weren’t bothered by it. Only BigHit, the rest of the members, and your families knew you were together. But things were wonderful. You always had fun together, and you truly loved and cared about each other. The only issue? He got super weird and evasive whenever you mentioned wanting to meet his friends (outside of BTS).

Whenever you mentioned it as part of casual conversation, he would sort of freeze up and then change the subject. It didn’t seem to be related to his concern about keeping your secret, either. When you assumed that to be the case he was quick to correct you, saying that he had no doubt in his friends’ ability to keep quiet about it. Somehow that was worse, because you genuinely had zero explanation for his behavior.

Then you started doing what you do best: overthinking things. Every time he would go to hang out with his friend group he was sure to imply you shouldn’t come or take measures to avoid your tagging along. What were you supposed to think? You started to feel progressively more insecure, thinking maybe the reason he didn’t want to introduce you to his friends was that he was embarrassed of you.

Your brain ran off with that thought and you started spiraling. If you were prettier, cooler, more interesting, another idol, would he behave differently about it? Would he even bother keeping your relationship a secret in that case? Though you had thought you’d mostly overcome it, this brought back up your deeply ingrained fear of not being enough.

You were scared to directly ask Jungkook about it. You were terrified to get a confirmation that you were right, that you weren’t enough for him. While you sometimes wished you could be brave and just address the problem directly, you could never bring yourself to do it. Your attitude changed noticeably as time went on. Even when you were physically in the same place as your boyfriend, you were miles away in your mind. He absolutely picked up on the distance you were slowly building between the two of you, pushing him away for fear of getting hurt.

Jungkook noticed that you smiled less, you were less cuddly, you didn’t immediately jump at the chance to see him like you used to. He assumed it was just being able to spend so little time together beginning to wear on you. You loved movies, but you never had the chance to go together, so one evening he made sure to carve out enough time to take you on a movie date. It definitely cheered you up at first. Before and during the movie you were acting like your old self, smiling and laughing with him with a comfortable sense of ease. Him trying to do something special for you eased your worries a bit, making you feel a bit better. Maybe you’d been wrong after all.

It was when you were exiting the theatre that things took a turn for the worse. A group of six guys approached, noisily greeting Jungkook with hugs and a kind of chaotic excitement. They looked pleased to see him, but he looked like he might throw up. That’s when the guys noticed you. They stared at you in surprise for a moment before politely saying hello to you as well. A very tall, black-haired man said to Jungkook, “Wait, how come you never mentioned that you had a girlfriend?” It was an innocent question. He looked confused when one of the others shot him a warning look, sensing the tension growing between you and your boyfriend. “Yugyeom, shhh, not helping.” Someone said to the tall one.

This was it. This was the confirmation you’d been fearing all along. Not only did he not want to introduce you to his friends, he hadn’t even told them that you existed. Jungkook had a guilty expression as if he’d just been caught. You bit your lip hard to try to hold yourself together, but the tears welled up in your eyes anyway. “I’ve got to go.” You mumbled before quickly making your exit. He must have been in shock because he felt as if he couldn’t move to go after you, standing still with his mouth hanging open. One of his friends said gently, “Go on and go after her, we’ll talk later.” This prompted Jungkook to nod, finally becoming unstuck from the spot he stood in and exiting the theatre as well.

By the time Jungkook was frantically knocking on your apartment door, you had already arrived home, changed into pajamas, and sat down tucked up into a ball on the sofa, absolutely sobbing. You ignored Jungkook’s attempts to get you to open the door, too consumed by your hurt feelings and toxic thoughts about your shortcomings.

You were surprised out of your distracted state when your apartment door opened. Jungkook stood there, shutting the door behind him. He held up a key with a halfhearted smile. “I know where the spare key is. I had to know you were okay.” He explained softly, sitting down on the couch next to you, facing you. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” He asked gently, and you looked at him in confusion.

Giving a little humorless laugh, you tried to wipe away some of your tears. “You know, it always worried me when you never wanted me to meet your friends. I just didn’t know it was THIS bad, you know? I know I’m not some glamorous idol, I’m not on your level, but god, I didn’t think you saw me as falling quite this far short. I didn’t think you were so embarrassed of me that you didn’t even want your friends to know I existed.” You said softly, the hurt in your voice apparent as tears continued to stream down your cheeks.

What you didn’t expect what Jungkook’s reaction. “WHAT?!” He exclaimed loudly, totally incredulous. His expression shifted between surprise, confusion, horror, and finally concern. “No no no, why would you think that? Oh my god, this is my fault, if only I’d just been honest with you….” He seemed truly panicked and guilt-stricken. He took both your hands in his, looking you straight in the eyes.

“You couldn’t be more wrong. Who cares if you’re not an idol? You’re everything I could possibly want. You’re perfect for me, and I just love you so, so much…” He trailed off slightly, tears welling up in his own eyes now. “I could never be embarrassed of you. I didn’t want you to meet them, you’re right, but not because of you. Because of me.”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “My friends are such genuinely nice, talented, and extremely attractive people. I was afraid to introduce you to them because I knew they’d see how wonderful you were too, and I was scared you’d meet them and they’re probably a better option, and…. I was so scared of losing you.” A choked sob ended his sentence and he pulled you into a tight embrace, his breathing shaky. “So I guess we’re both insecure, and I guess neither of us need to be. I’m sorry I didn’t just confess what I was worried about, the fact that I made you doubt yourself or how I feel about you is absolutely killing me.”

Squeezing your eyes tightly shut, you hugged him back, feeling inexplicable relief. “I love you, you big dummy. I don’t want anyone else.” You muttered into his shoulder, both of you snuggled into the comfort of each other’s arms. That made him laugh. “I love you too.” He replied softly, pulling back to kiss your forehead gently.

“Now should we see if the guys want to meet up for ice cream? They’re gonna adore you.”

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Ta da! Feedback please :) *grabby hands*

#bts #bts drabbles #bts drabble #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts angst #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts fic

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fauna96 · 4 years

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V Prompt: Role Reversal

Title: The djinni, the thief and the magician

[This was hard. It was very very difficult... but fun! Kudos to who guesses from where I’ve taken Kitty’s name and surname as a magician.]

Agnes Pole had a secret, a secret that could have her killed. The fact was, she didn’t choose to keep this secret; it had just happened.

They made it easy, telling you to forget your birth name; but for Agnes it had been impossible. It wasn’t that she didn’t try: at night, when she was still a child, she used to close her eyes, squeezing them hard, and she tried with all her force to expel that memory: her mother’s voice calling ‘Kitty’.

Obviously, she couldn’t do it; and, as much obviously, no one knew it, less of all her master. After all, she was the one to issue Agnes, as her first lesson, to not trust anyone; and, implied, her too. So, Agnes had kept her mouth sealed; she hadn’t even dared to say out loud that forbidden name.

When she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw Agnes Pole: a young woman with short, soft dark hair, her mouth constantly bending in a pleasing smile. She didn’t know how Kitty looked like, except for a lost five-year-old child.

Her sensor net started ringing in her ear; a moment later, at her window a pigeon materialized. Agnes made it come in and immediately it took the shape of a pale-faced young man in a grey suit.

«Mistress» he said, bowing slightly «I think I’ve found him».

Nathanael was her regular demon for a few years, now; it was one of the first djinn with a considerable power that she had summoned, and, in the beginning, she had found it irritating without an exact reason. Really there wasn’t a reason, because the demon was precise, quiet and impeccable. Every magician’s dream.

But it was fussy, fastidious too, and with a hidden slyness capable to turn any order inside out, Agnes knew it. However, it was efficient; and, as Whitwell always said, finding efficient servants, and silent in addition, was extremely rare. So, Agnes had kept it and, in the end, there had been vantages: just to start, learning to give orders precise and crystal-clear. Then, she had found out Nathanael was a real font of knowledge and, if you made it the right questions, you would have obtained all the answers you wanted. If she had to describe her servant with a word, Agnes would have used ‘competent’.

And it really was (take that, Farrar), because it had been successful in individuate one of the thieves of artefacts that were driving all Tallow’s department and police mad.

Agnes, as the Chief of Security’s apprentice, had been placed to investigate on the series of thefts; in the beginning, she had to admit that, as a job, didn’t please her much: she hated work office, she’d have liked more to be thrown in action. Whitwell, in front of her complains, had barely risen an eyebrow. «You’re still an apprentice, Agnes» she had replied. «Be careful to not fool yourself. You’re clever and you have talent, but use your brain before talking. A work office, as you call it, could do you well».

Agnes had bitten her tongue. As she had to do every time she had met Farrar and had to endure a barrage of gibes.

And now, instead… «A very good job. Nathanael» she commented, leant on the car seat.

The young man near her tilted his head. «Thank you, mistress» he murmured, but Agnes could catch all the surprise behind the courteous tone. It wasn’t very usual that Agnes deemed her demon worthy of more than orders, but it was a particular occasion. «If everything goes well tonight, I’ll dismiss you for a while».

«Now let’s not exaggerate, mistress» the demon’s face was always pale and serious, but Agnes thought she could catch an… amused? glint behind the icy eyes.

Oh, why not? It had deserved it, at least. Of course, she would have to do without her most trusted servant, but it would have been a little time. She was perfectly capable to look after herself. It would have been weird, though, not having the tall, lanky shape behind her shoulders, silent as a shadow and as much as loyal…

«We are here» Nathanael murmured. «Do you see that corner over there? He passes over there every night to go to his… hideout. I think he has some hiding place under the bricks, because he always takes some minute there. And in that minute, he’s distracted».

Agnes nodded, without tearing her eyes away from the road. She made a gesture towards the djinni, and it slithered out the half-closed window as a curl of smoke.

They didn’t have to wait long: a figure was coming close with quick, measured steps. It stopped at the corner as expected.

And then there was a noise of struggle, a furious shout suffocated, then the boot opened up and something was thrown in.

Nathanael didn’t like very much kidnapping kids; but he didn’t like disobeying orders either and being punished, so there wasn’t a lot of alternatives. Moreover, the kid in question had trashed like an eel and he was able to kick his shin with a boot that must have something of iron, because it stung a lot.

He and his mistress had taken him to an old abandoned library that they had used many times during various occasions. Miss Pole looked at the boy still passed out at her feet. To be truthful, there wasn’t real age difference between the magician and the commoner, but her posture, her clothes and everything made Agnes Pole always look older.

Nathanael looked at her at the corner of his eye while she seemed to review mentally what ask to the commoner. And probably, repeating herself to be calm and rational, a thing that wasn’t always Agnes Pole’s forte, despite her excellent teacher. Nathanael wrinkled slightly his nose thinking about Whitwell. Old vulture.

The boy made a sudden moan and his eyes opened wide. Nathanael saw them searching the room for a way out, then they rested on the two of them.

«Move and my demon will tear you apart».

The boy didn’t move. Then, unexpectedly he made a dazzling grin, shining on his dark face.

«Hello» he said.

Well, that wasn’t the reaction Nathanael was expecting, frankly. And neither did his mistress, holding her lips tight while the commoner kept watching them from below.

«What could have I done to deserve such an honour? Kidnapped by a magician?» he winked with a mischievous expression, that little did suit a dirty boy, curled on the floor.

Nathanael saw clearly his mistress’ patience decrease; were they alone, he would have whispered to her to stay calm, tranquil: she was in charge, as usual.

But Agnes tightened her fists lightly and took a deep breath. «I want you to answer my questions, quickly» she said. «And maybe I could think even to let you go».

The boy sneered. «Of course, miss magician. And you give me a lift home, don’t you? No one believes it, not even your demon. You caught me, you won. I don’t know what else you want».

«The Resistance. I want your accomplices».

Fell a… curious silence. The boy grew quiet, then he spoke directly to Nathanael. «Did you tell her I’m from the Resistance? Because I stole some scrap metal? Oh dear!» And he burst out laughing so loud that the walls resounded. «I’m sorry, o most powerful magician» he could stammer out «but your demon dropped a clanger here. I work in my own».

«So do you steal artefacts just for an hobby of yours?» Agnes asked, her voice dangerously sweet. «And only magical objects, not simple jewels?»

«Ah, that is a little secret of mine, sorry. Anyway, of course I sell them. At the black market, but that surely you know. And surely you know that they’ll go to the Resistance or whatever. But I don’t want anything to do with them. I work on my own, told you».

Agnes smiled. «So those two… the kid following you anywhere and that girl so pretty… aren’t they your accomplices?»

A shadow passed on the boy’s cheeky face. Here we are, Nathanael thought.

«No» he spelt put. «They…»

«Don’t you think they’ll live better out that hole of yours? Maybe that kid would stop coughing so much».

The boy gulped and stared both in the eyes. «Look. I am a thief, it’s true. But I am not from the Resistance. You can promise me all you want, magician, but I can’t give you what I haven’t, and I haven’t any names nor addresses. If you want to throw me in jail for theft or say that I’m a terrorist, do it. It’s my word against yours, isn’t it?» His dark eyes lingered on Nathanael. «Oh, the demon, sure. You could have me tortured by it. Surely I could sing then, but I wouldn’t trust me too much. Always had a low pain tolerance level».

«Mistress» Nathanael whispered. «A word».

Agnes stepped back and tilted her head toward him. The boy’s sharp eyes kept watching them.

«I think he’s honest, partly. But if he sell magical artefacts…»

«He has some communication channel, yes» Agnes sighed and, for a moment, it seemed that her mask was slipping. «I was so close…»

«I think» murmured Nathanael «that he could be bought. Making leverage on… his two friends. Bought, not threatened».

Agnes narrowed her eyes. «What should I do? Buy them a house?»

«No» the boy’s voice came suddenly. He must have an exceptional hearing. «No. But there is something I want».

#bartprompts20 #bart prompts week #day 5: role reversal #just fyi #bart's commoner name is tim #because bar-tim-aeus #yeah #he hates me now #kid and pretty girl are ofc ptol and queezle #yeah bart know the resistance (faquarl) but i figured he wouldn't want to be involved #nat and kitty have an... interesting relationship #let's say that ;)#bartimaeus #nathaniel #kitty jones #role reversal au #bartimaeus trilogy #my fic #fanfiction

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atamascolily · 4 years

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An Appointment in Sawarra, 9/?

In which Luke is sorely vexed.

(previously: one two three four five, six seven eight)

The official reason they wouldn't let him fly the X-wing through the Ring--their name for the neutron star cluster--was safety, though Luke suspected security and paranoia were equal concerns. His brain turned to mush from the interminable paperwork, Luke met this turn of unexpected turn of events with as much grace as he could muster.

It wasn't as if he had much in the way of luggage--just the simple rucksack he'd packed with a few changes of clothes, back when he'd thought this would be a simple trip out and back again. He should have known it wasn't going to work out that way.

"I have a feeling you may be gone longer than you think, Mara had said back on Coruscant. Her hunch had been spot-on. Luke was starting to get the same feeling--though like her, he wasn't sure whether it was good or bad yet.

If Karrde's contact could help him with the uneti seeds, all of this would be worth it. If not--well, he'd been on wild bantha chases on much less cause. And perhaps he could use the time in transit to learn more about his mysterious hosts.

The journey through the Ring was uneventful to the point of boring. In theory, Luke was allowed the run of the transport. In practice, they treated him as a bizarre cross between an honored guest and a poltical prisoner, and he didn't understand why.

Luke's attempts to coax out information out of the rank and file proved fruitless. The crew pretended that he wasn't there, with no eye contact or acknowledgement of his presence unless he spoke to them directly. Even then, they were curt almost to the point of rudeness, reverting to cursory nods or gestures whenever possible. Despite the translator box looped prominently around Luke's wrist, they refused to speak anything but simple Basic in his presence, making conversation about anything more complex than the direction to the 'fresher impossible.

Eventually, he gave up and retreated to his assigned quarters for the remainder of the journey. The room was simple and spartan, the only spots of color a holographic image of a flower arrangement and calligraphy scroll on the shelf over the bed. Luke didn't recognize any of the flowers, and the translator was voice-only, leaving him effectively illiterate--an oversight, he realized now. He sat cross-legged on the bed and tried to meditate, but he couldn't let go of the thoughts swirling around his head.

Why had the authorities let him enter Sawarran space if they clearly didn't want him? Either they weren't as xenohobic as Leia and Winter had claimed, or they had mellowed considerably since throwing off the Empire and declaring their independence. Neither of those explanations fit the evidence. Why, then, had they made an exception for him? Because he was a Jedi?

Luke had grown used to people treating him differently once they learned he was a Jedi--sometimes with awe and reverence, sometimes with gestures to ward off the evil eye. The customs agents been intrigued, but not impressed, by Luke's lightsaber and his claimed occupation. It was his connection to Yoda, of all people--a direct, tangible connection, as teacher and student--that had captured their attention.

What was Yoda to these people? And, more importantly, why?

Their arrival in Ri'tarn City a few hours after local dawn was routine to the point of anticlimax. Luke didn't know what he'd expected--a parade? a riot? another horde of bureaucrats?--but there was nothing and no one waiting for him at the docking bay. He was escorted politely but firmly off the ship by the crew and abandoned outside in the bustling street.

"Hey!" Luke shouted at their rapidly retreating figures. "What am I supposed to do now?"

The leader turned back long enough to shrug and gestured off to the side. "Temple that way," he said in Basic, and hastened off after the rest of his squad.

Luke stared, blinking in the morning sunlight, as the crowd bustled around him on the cobbled street past elegant wooden townhouses with open-air shops on the lower levels. They'd let him come here, to a place where foreigners were never supposed to come... and now they were letting him wander around unsupervised?

Then again, he thought, taking in the dark skin and voluminous, colorful robes in the press of people around him, maybe the authorities didn't need to hold his hand to track his movements. Between his pallor and his tightly cut clothing, he stood out like a Wookiee at a Jawa family reunion.

He was relieved and confused to be left to his own devices so abruptly---and, he had to admit, more than a little insulted. He'd been prepared for anything--except, apparently, total indifference. No one in the bustling street was paying the slightest bit of attention to him, the crowd parting around him like a crowd of Coruscanti swoop-bike racers around a cloudcutter.

That, too, was unnerving.

He was alone on a strange planet outside the New Republic's jurisdiction--and, thanks to the pulsars of the Ring, no means to contact anyone on the outside should things go sideways, except through the Force.

Thankfully, that still worked. He could probably reach Leia in a pinch if he violated some taboo by mistake, though she wouldn't thank him if he ended up triggering an intergalactic incident.

Why am I here? What do THEY think I'm supposed to do?

Pay your respects, the head customs agent had said.

"My respects to what?" Luke said aloud. "Yoda is dead. How does this even make sense?"

The crew's mention of a temple intrigued him. Perhaps there were answers waiting for him there. But that wasn't why he was here. He needed to find Dr. Mendoza at the university and ask her about the seeds. Maybe she could help with the other mysteries, too.

But he had to find her first.

***

Luke had assumed it would be easy enough to locate the university with the address Karrde had given him, but it quickly became clear that Ri'tarn City, like everything else in this system, was determined to make even simple tasks an ordeal. Whatever rhyme, reason or logic underlay the streets was nothing like standard grid/level system for ships, stations, and Coruscanti high-rises. Signs were few and far between, not that he could read them anyway.

Meanwhile, the inhabitants seemed intent on thwarting his efforts through sheer indifference. As with the transport crew, none of them would acknowledge his presence unless Luke forced them to. Even then, they refused to meet his eyes or say much beyond the simplest gestures when he asked for directions. Even the wooden seal representing his visa didn't impress them.

The only exception to the general impassivity were the children, who stared openly as he passed, pointing in his direction and giggling among themselves, only to flee if Luke approached them. The contrast between the stoic adults and their offspring made the former's stoic unconcern even eerier.

The sun inched its way across the sky overhead, bright and hot as he wended his way through the streets, increasingly lost and confused. He was thirsty, but there was no sign of water anywhere, and none of the shops he passed would serve him.

A high, piercing alien cry came from overhead. Luke looked up to see feathery lizards gliding overhead, a welcome breeze breaking the heat with a distinctive salt tang. Was it his imagination, or were those ocean waves in the distance?

Out of ideas, he wended his way in the direction of the flying lizards, hoping it would somehow get him to the university. The docks didn't seem like the typical site for an institution of higher learning, but maybe the Sawarrans did things differently here. Either that, or the entire population was in on some big joke they weren't going to share with Luke.

He came around the corner to find himself on the edge of a stark, man-made seawall a dozen meters above the bay--or would be a bay if there were any water in it. A bare tidal flat stretched to the horizon in an endless expanse of sand, a mockery to his hopes. There was no sign of anything even remotely approaching a university, only crabs skulking in and out of their burrows as they dodged the attentions of flocks of hungry lizards wheeling and diving from above.

"Maybe I should have gone to the temple after all," Luke said, to no one in particular, slumping against the wall.

He was tired and thirsty, light-years from home on a strange planet where no one would meet his eyes, let alone talk to him. He'd been here for hours there was no sign of Karrde's contact, and now he was faced with yet another dead end. How did I get into this mess? he wondered, not for the first time.

He hadn't been this off-balance since--since his first trip to Dagobah, actually. Maybe that's why they like Yoda so much, Luke thought sourly. Or maybe they're testing me, the way Yoda tested me at first?

I failed that test back then. I won't fail this one, too.

He had to be missing something, something obvious.

He leaned against the sea wall, and stared out into the distance, struggling to calm his racing thoughts. Think. Think. Think. There's got to be some sort of key. What am I missing here?

Something shimmered on the edge of the horizon.

Wait.

It wasn't his imagination. There was a tower rising out of the tidal flat, with what looked to be a small city at its base, far enough away that he hadn't noticed it on first glance.

There were no signs at this distance, of course, but Luke knew what he was looking at. It was the university. Had to be. What else? could it be?

He squinted. There was no bridge or road leading to the tower from the mainland. The buildings rose out of the sand, shimmering like a desert mirage in the afternoon heat, completely disconnected from the mainland.

"You have got to be kidding me," Luke said in dismay.

It made a weird kind of sense, though. Who needed roads when you had speeders? Or, when the tide was in, boats.

Luke scanned his surroundings. He was alone on the sea wall, the wind whipping through his hair, lacking both a speeder and a boat. The only way he was going to get out to that hazy tower on the horizon was under his own power.

This was stupid and crazy and pointless, and he ought to just give up and go home, but it was too late for that. He'd come this far.

But he'd done plenty of stupid things over the course of his life, both before and after joining the Rebellion. And at least this time, nobody was shooting at him.

"All right, then," Luke sighed. "I guess I'm doing this."

He stripped off his boots and socks, and stuffed them into his rucksack, wishing he'd brought a hat to protect himself from the broiling sun. Then he jumped down onto the tidal flat, landed with a roll, and set off barefoot across the sandy expanse towards the tower.

#an appointment in sawarra #fanfic excerpt

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