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dawnleaf37 · 2 years

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oh god I haven’t even thought abt the lore. well there’s mecrosoft paper, suitcase, test tube, feathry, and silver spoon but I didnt really have an idea for him so. im saying ss is non canon. and then later we added gray and moon who don’t have designs yet

paper is like clippy and really clingy. I think he’s also a bit of mischievous spyware, just a silly little guy Knowing about you and your computer. despite me drawing suitcase first, paper was the first guy created. paper pops up randomly with his tips n stuff and then disappears of the screen to who knows where lol. he’s differentiated from ii paper in that he almost always has a static smile on his face and also the pink line on him is now black.

suitcase is a wonderful file organizer and works good with storage. like paper, she randomly pops up with tips and tricks about computer tech and fun facts. she usually stays on screen if there’s at least one application open. suitcase ISNT spyware however 🎉. iirc shes abt to be discontinued for a newer os (you can still archive the download site tho). difference from regular suitcase she is a flat fuck and also can float. more expressive than the other guys too!

test tube I havent talked abt too much. most recent product and is also an organizer. as well as helps run applications. they say tt makes the computer run faster but they are 8000% lying. made to replace suitcase and paper on newer operating systems but uhhh glitchy as hell not working >:(. they brought back using these guys as spyware and even adware. horrible. tt always has a clipboard and again mostly a static smiling face. silly idle animations. comes on every os and there’s youtube videos on how to uninstall her /silly

mecrosoft is a shitty company so since tt creates adware, they advertised feathry as an ad remover. and she works!!! mostly!!! theyve still gotta make money n shit so she doesnt work all the way. just enough. shes also a paid subscription so mecrosoft you bitch as. feathry has a green marker but she doesnt even scribble out ads it’s just there for appeal. but if you buy now you get a silly creature on your computer!!!!!!!! please

mecrosoft gray wasn’t really ever supposed to exist tbh lol!! they were trying to make mini helper things for each application but none of the guys ever worked except gray’s and they couldn’t figure out why. the real reason is because well! gray is the reason. fucked up little computer creature demands ten thousand attention forever and started deleting code for the other guys while they were testing. and then they just kinda forgot to take gray off of the os because no one ever uses the calculator tool. gray even buggier than metube because he just always gives the wrong answer or just some non existent unit of measurement. little fucked up thing. sentient creature. invasive species. probably a bad idea. might even give your computer a virus? idk it seems to be quite good at modifying code /silly

lore lore lore: copy of mepaper started bugging out on an old computer and the guy using it was like “hmm this is some really creepypasta shit.” idm if you wanna make that guy OJ ig that’d be cool I never really decided (I think ill just say OJ here to make it easier) but mepaper eventually became sentient and became friends with him. but OJ can’t really do work on it now so he bought another one off of like craigslist or whatever. came installed with mesuitcase. mepaper saw that n was like “what the hell dude.” keep in mind this guy(mepaper) doesnt have a voice so hes just speaking thru text boxes lol. so what mepaper did was fuck up the mecase computer with like some really bad virus but somehow mecase survived that. barely. so OJ was like “fucks sake dude” and ig mepaper felt bad so he tried to apologize. but OJ wouldn’t let them near each other so they kinda just yelled from across the house when he wasn’t home. mecase has a voice btw uh it’s not the best quality but she has it. so they made up and theyre cool now.

I haven’t thought abt anything with metube or mefeathry yet so youll have to wait for that 🎉

#rdl #mecrosoft #sure awesome 🎉#now where have I heard the concept of paper doing silly things on a computer before looks directly at my mutual #/SILLLY #ok maybe I DID think abt the lore /silly

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mieczyhale · 4 years

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a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately

soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!

also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.

yeah

on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks

we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone)

having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise) my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better

i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.

josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy

trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)

ummm.....

OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough.

so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol)

lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.

i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so.

but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.

THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT

i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie)

oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.

i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

#might delete later?? probably?? havent decided.#maison speaks #tinysquidrachel

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snickiebear · 3 years

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yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you.

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them.

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD.

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL.

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A.

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH.

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about.

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay.

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time.

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps.

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing.

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.”

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic.

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

#silly things from silly friends

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crazysocklovingfangirl · 4 years

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My #metoo Story

A/N: this might be triggering to some people. And I am only able to access Tumblr through the app currently. I havent been able to get a read more link in here. So I'm sorry about this long post. But here it is... my story.. thanks in advance if you read it

I always see these brave women standing up and voicing their stories on sexual assault and sexual harrassment. I just look at them in amazement, because they are putting themselves in the line of fire to tell their story. They are putting themselves out there for the whole world to see and criticize, because “Why didn’t you report it?”, “Were you drunk?”, “What were you wearing?”. All of those questions are so demoralizing. They just strip away at every inch of our sanity. Those questions make all of us question our own stories. They make us be quiet. But I am so glad that there are so many women willing to stand up and speak their truths, their stories. I was so happy when the #metoo movement came out, but I wasn’t able to tell my own story. As you can probably tell by now, I have a story too. So since I wasn’t able to tell my #metoo story when it was blowing up here goes nothing.

Just some backstory for this is I am bisexual, I know that shouldn’t matter that much, but it’s why I couldn’t tell my story, because my story involves a girl, my ex-girlfriend. And my family is very conservative, not believing in anything other than straight couples and such. So I would’ve told my story but that is the barrier that was holding me back, that and a few other things as well, that I will get into later.

Close to the beginning of my second semester of my Sophomore year in highschool, I started dating this girl. The exact date was February 3, 2017. That is the day I started dating Alissa (Ali). That was the day I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. At this point in time I was 15 and my sexual orientation was bisexual and asexualquestioning. I wasn’t that comfortable with talking about sex or anything and I never really got turned on so that’s why I deemed myself ace. Just thought I’d let you know. It will come into play later. So we were never public with our relationship because she didn’t want everyone to know that she liked girls.. Should’ve taken that as a sign and left, but hey I was naive and thought I was in love. Her mom did NOT like the fact that we were dating. She would take Ali’s phone and text me on it, saying that she was breaking up with me and shit like that. And then she’d delete the messages so Ali wouldn’t know. So we had a code name. She’d call me babybird when she’d start a conversation so I knew it was her. Another red flag that I avoided.

So, here is where my story begins. One day in May I was talking with some of my friends and Ali was there. We were playing truth or dare and Ali knew that I was Ace, so up until that point we only made out, like kisses here and there. But one of my friends had asked if I was ever going to have sex. And I told Ali to cover her ears and I told them that I was maybe thinking about it. But I wasn’t really sure if that was something I was going to be into or not. So the next day, May 15, 2017, her little sister was having a birthday party at a park and she asked me to go. Early that morning I got a text from “her” saying that I should ignore her and that we were done. But later she texts me and asks if I want to go to the party, so I say yes and tell her what her mother did. We show up early and we walk around the park and she takes me to this place that’s just cement and it’s pretty secluded and we are sitting down and talking. When she gets closer to me and so we kiss a little bit and then she unbuttons my pants, and I scoot back, away from her. But she got closer. And she proceeded to rape me. I didn’t know what to do so I just froze and I guess let it happen.

This became a frequent thing in our relationship… She’d start things and I’d say no repeatedly but she wouldn’t listen and it’d just happen over and over again. It happened for the last 4-5 months of our relationship. There are a couple things that are important to this story. She was suffering in her mental health. She would always call me in the middle of the night saying that she was going to kill herself, so that’s why I stayed so long. so much longer than I should’ve. To get rid of the horrible thoughts in her head she would take her step father’s painkillers. I’m pretty sure they were opioids. The thing about her taking those was that she took them throughout our whole relationship. And she would take so many at a time that she wouldn’t remember anything she did that day.

One day before I went to work I went to her house because she was sick and I wanted to comfort her. We were laying on her bean bag chair that she had gotten as a gift. We were watching Family Guy and she asks if I wanted to do oral and I said no and continued to watch the tv. And she kept insisting and started to unbuckle my pants. She proceeded to give me oral for a little bit before she ran to the bathroom. I took that time to buckle my pants and just sit there staring blankly at the tv. She came back and said that it had nothing to do with me, she was just sick. I didn’t care about that. That was the point where I started to actually realize what our whole relationship had been. I started doing research on coerced concent. And everything started to click into place. But I didn’t want to believe it. The more I thought about it the more I realized that’s what was happening the whole time. I would say no, but she would keep pestering me until I gave in and let her do whatever she wanted to me. One day, close to the end of our relationship we were sitting on my couch talking and she brought up the fact that she in fact raped me. And that’s when it finally stuck, when she said it out loud. She said that she would turn herself in and everything. But it never happened, because the next she didn’t even remember the conversation at all, due to the side effects of abusing prescription drugs that weren’t hers.

Now, it’s about the middle of September, so the beginning of my Junior year, the beginning of her senior year. So, within the next few weeks I had broken up with her. And I asked her to apologize for what she did for me. And I told her that she raped me throughout our whole relationship. She told me that I was just regretting it later on down the road and that she wouldn’t do something like that. I thought that’d she’d keep it between us since it happened between us. But she went around telling so many people that I was accusing her of raping me. So many people turned on me. One of her close friends was in my Honors Chemistry class and one day he told me that I was overreacting and that nothing happened between us. So, I confronted her about him saying that. And she told me that she had told like 5 people when I told no one. She had told some of our mutual friends. One of them believed my side though. One was on the fence. But the next couple years in our shared classes she had listened to my story and she had believed me and not Ali. But back in my junior year, one of my friends that she told that I accused her of raping me. Around the beginning of February 2018, she sent me a message. It read “hey life is going to be so amazing for you and you deny now but you’ll look back and wonder why you were ever worried”. I knew what she meant. She was there on my side whenever I was going through all of this. Then February 18, 2019, that same friend Rachel Antoszewski died in the early hours of the morning, in her sleep. So, that just put me into an even darker hole that I thought I’d never find a way out of. Around this time she had starting sending kind of threatening messages talking about what would happen if I reported it. She said that they didn’t investigate her rape case and that was real rape.

The only person I actively talked about this with was one of my coworkers that had overheard Ali telling her twin sister what was happening between us. So, she took my side and she believed me, and she became my outlet whenever I needed one. And so she was the one that told me that I should tell someone what happened. So that night I went home and I talked to my mom, and I told her that Ali had raped me. I also got some of my courage to do that from the show 13 Reasons Why, when Jessica told her dad that she was raped, that gave some little bit of courage to tell my mom. I told her not to tell dad. But she did. And then they talked to me and asked if I wanted to go to the police, at first I said yes. Then I started thinking about it and I realized that they couldn’t do anything. As it was female on female, and it was months ago at this point. And the fact that she was also on drugs whenever it happened. So, I ended up not telling the police or doing anything further to get justice. I knew that if a case got started that everyone at the school would know and most of them would favor her as she was more popular and she was the girl that everyone would believe. I was just the nerd that had a handful of friends, that most people wouldn’t believe. So, I started writing. Writing about all of the things going through my mind, about everything I’ve been through, and about my healing process.��

At this point in my life, 3 years later, I would like to believe that I am better, but some days I know I’m not okay. But I know that if someone wouldn’t have started talking to me I would not be where I am today, I might not even be alive, but I wouldn’t know because things went right and here I am. One day a recruiter contacted me and started talking to me about the Marine Corps. I decided I’d go and think about it. And I decided that’s what I needed to get better. So, I enlisted and I worked out every day and that boosted my spirit. And whenever I was upset or down I’d just talk to my recruiter, I never gave him any indicators as to what I was actually going through but he was always there for me. And now here I am being such a better person than I ever thought I was going to be. I became someone I can be proud of. I have taken what I’ve been through and I’m not letting it define me. Yes, I was raped. Yes, I have been sexually harassed. That just comes with being a female. But, I am moving forward with my life, or as much as I can. Hopefully one day I will be able to stand up in front of a bunch of people and be able to tell my story without feeling ashamed. I want to be able to give hope to everyone out there. Especially the LGBT+ sexual assault survivors, because I know that we don’t get that much coverage. I want to be the light that some people need or the one person that gives someone else a little shove in the right direction.

This is a long one, but this is my story. My #metoo story. And I’m glad that I can finally be able to tell this story.

~Natalia Balog

#tw #metoo #tw:rape #my story

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whistlemist · 5 years

Text

Take Out Night

Tim did not have time for this.

There was a meeting going on back home with his family. One of the most important meetings they always had that, for the bat-kids, was pretty much life or death. It was always about strategy, cunning, and wit.

It was the family takeout night.

Someone got to pick what the whole family would order, no exceptions, no other fast food, no other options. It took a whole hour meeting of them trying to outsmart each, to impress Bruce so they could get the main prize and tonight Tim wanted Chinese food.

Which means that getting kidnapped wasn’t a good start to this afternoon. With a scowl on his face, he dug his heels into the carpet as the masked man was trying to drag him out of WE. It only worked a little since Tim was small and bearly when over the 110 marks. This might be why he was kidnapped so often because all they had to do to Tim Wayne was toss him over their shoulder.

The heels in the carpet did nothing, he was still dragged along like it was nothing. When they got to the car he looked up at the man. “Listen, I know you ‘re probably really good at this, but it’s family Take out and Movie night and I really want to win the food part, so can I just write you a check and go?”

“Get in the car kid!” The man growled grabbing him by the back of his shirt before forcing Tim inside the backseat, soon the other two men had shown up getting into the car before driving away. “Shut up and I won’t kill you, kid!”

Grumbling Tim crossed his arms eyes closed. Now he had a huge problem. Last few times he had lost to Dick and Jason. Italian food and Burgers where good but he really wanted to eat some Chinese food! It’s not like he could let his chance slip again! Not with Jason and Dick both plotting about some sorta new food, whatever it was called, but he wanted sesame chicken and pork fried rice damn it!

“I can write it right now. I have my checkbook and a pen,” Tim offered and when they said nothing he frowned. “Come on! What teenager has a pen nowadays?! Please….?! It’s a family food ad movie night!”

“I said shut up!”

Sitting back Tim started to tap his foot trying to think of an escape plan that would be simple enough for Tim Wayne. This would have been so much easier as Red Robin. He’d just knock them out before heading home.

Looking out the window he thought about throwing himself out the door but Tim knew that not only was that risky but did he really want to risk getting injured and stuck int he hospital with no food that he had his heart on? Nope! Time to think of something else.

After a few minutes, they pulled into an alleyway. Alright, this could work for him. Maybe just slip away when they weren’t looking. Easy, simple, he liked this.

Suddenly the car came to a stop in the middle of the always. Sitting up Tim looked around confused on why where they just here in the middle of this place where anyone could find them?! Handn’t they done this before or at least looked it up online before deciding to kidnap one of Wayne’s children?!

“Get the other car,”

Oh, they had a second car. Well, points to that. As he was yanked out of the car Tim just went limp, pretending to pass out. If they thought he did maybe they would have some struggle to get him the next car.

Suddenly he was just tossed over someone’s shoulder. Well, that never worked, why would it work now? Despite that, he was ready to figure out how to get home. The sound of something opening let him know that was probably the truck. Still being limp he was lowered down laid on the floor of the truck before it slammed shut.

Opening his eyes only after he felt the car starting Tim crossed his arms looking up into the darkness with a scowl on his face. Alright, now that he was alone there was an unknown window of time. First, he felt around with his hand looking for the strap that was often used in case kids got stuck in the trunk. Feeling around he found nothing.

“Right,” Tim mumbled before moving around to reach down to his watch pressing a button as small light blinked on. Taing off the watch he set it on his chest before moving to reach down to his show. A twist of the heel was made to reveal a lock picking kit. “Alright time to get out of here so I can get my food.”

Taking out the tools he started to mess with the lock moving the tools around trying find the right… mechaizmen…. A click. Ah ha! Carefully he held onto the lid waiting for the car to pull to a stop that way jumping out wasn’t going to cause to harm. Finally, it pulled to a stop peeking out he looked around the streets.

Carefully Tim slipped out of the trunk before moving carefully towards a shop. Going inside he kept down heading towards the back door when the front door slammed open “There he is!”

“Crap,” Tim shot off running towards the back door. Slamming it open he hurried over to the fire escape stairs. Lowering himself at the last moment he jumped up catching the end pulling himself up rushing up the stairs ignoring how his kidnappers struggled to try to get the stairs to pull down. “Sorry, I got to go!”

Getting to the top Tim looked around for an entrance. Finding the door he ran to it wiggling the handle only to find it locked. Now he could pick it but that would give the others time to reach him. Besides he didn’t want to lose his kit, it was brand new!

Going to the end of the building he looked over before humming. Yeah, that would be a perfect place to land on. Now all he needed was the sped. Running back to the end Tim took a breath before running full sped leaping off the building.

The second he got close enough to landing he tucked and rolled before springing back up running towards the door. Not waiting to see if it was locked or opened he kicked it open. No time to waste he hurried down the stairs to before ended up on a ninth floor.

Going out he realized he was in a realtor building. Luckily they had an elevator. Going over he pushed a button waiting. As he stood there Tim tried to fix his suit. It had gotten a bit crinkled with all that drama from work. Pushing the coat down trying to get the lines out e noticed that his phone was missing.

He would have to delete everything on there when he got home. Luckily it had a failsafe on it and if those thugs tried to use it the thing would fray itself out. Still, that was a nice phone! Had all his music on it… oh well, he’d pick up another one on the way home.

The bing, the doors opening as Tim walked in thinking about all his favorite foods he was going to be ordering tonight. Pork fried rice, sesame chicken, Sweet and sour chicken, beef and broccoli, cream cheese wontons, egg fu young, ah, there was much he was going to order and the leftovers he was going to put them in containers tomorrow that way he could eat them for and lunch.

Getting downstairs he sighed before asking the front desk if he could make a call. He called a few of his brothers, Jason, Dick to come to pick him up.

But those jerks! They wanted him to give up his bid to take out! Hanging up on them Tim st his hands on his hips debating on what he was about to do and if it was childish enough to warrant the single e was about to give out.

It was time to be childish.

“You know when you said you it was matter of life and death, I thought you meant actually dying,” Kon said as he carried Tim in his arms towards the Manor. “I don’t think fighting over what take out is life or death, Tim.”

“Have you’ve ever been to my family's take out night?” Tim asked as he held on smiling. He kissed Kon’s cheek. “Thanks for getting here so fast.”

“You screamed ‘Kon, I’m dying!’ of course I got there fast!” Kon said before smiling at the kiss. He held Tim a little closer before moving to fly lower as the Manor came into view. “You know for a place where some of the scariest people live is also one of the most beautiful places.”

“The Manor was in the talk of Home and Gardens,” It was said with pride because, well, yes Wayne Manor was a very lovely place to live and screamed wealth. As they landed on the balcony outside his room Tim gave Kon a kiss on the lips, a chase one but still loving. “Thank you, I’ll text you later!”

“See ya!”

Once showered, dried and dressed Tim hurried downstairs. He would have to grab a phone from the cave, for now, to use until he got a new one. Once he picked one that he liked, copied all his things to the new phone Tim Destroyed the old one.

Running back upstairs he headed towards the kitchen Tim got there in time to see everyone watching the news. At first, he wondered what happened and if this ruined the chance of his food but then he noticed that it was his own kidnapping.

“Well, looks like Drake is fine,” Damian said turned around. “Shame, with you gone I would have been able to beat these idiots easily,”

“Shut up, Satan’s child!” Jason snapped at him as he crossed his arms. “Brat’s right now, it would have been easier.”

“Glad you’re alright, Tim,” Dick grinned going over to hug before pulling back face getting serious. “But it’s time to battle.”

“First things first,” Bruce came over to Tim “Post something your social media so people won’t keep report that you’ve been kidnapped.”

“Right,” Tim said glaring at Dick as the older Robin backed away as they eyes each other up. He took out his phone opening up his app while asking “What game are we playing tonight, Bruce?”

“We haven’t drawn out the games yet,” Walking over to a small bowl that had small pieces of paper folded up into squares. Holding it up Bruce nodded to boys as they all sat down around the island table waiting. Bruce shuffled the papers before holding one up. “First game tonight. Janga. The ten-second rule applies, everyone has that time to make their move, if you miss it, you’re out.”

Tim paused to take a picture of himself flashing a peace sign while added that he was safe at home and that it was thanks to Batman. Yeah, he’s dealing with the press another day. Looking back he was already thinking about how to make his first move, well depending on who went first second and third.

“Second part will be,” Bruce moved the papers again before pulling out another one looking it over for a second. “Calculations.”

Dick frowned slightly, not that he was bad at it but going against Tim? That was going to be a challenge not to mention he could tell that the stakes where high tonight. Tim had an air of wanting to win and it was strong.

“After that, the final challenge will be,” A toss of the bowl before the last paper came out. “Connet four.”

“Tt.” Damian looked at the other three eyes narrowed. It was a simple childish game but placing that game in the mix with them? He knew he’d have to be careful. “When do we start?”

“Now.” Bruce turned around picking up the Jenga game opening it. “You know the rules, last one standing gets food order rights. Now, since we did it youngest to oldest last week, will go oldest to youngest.”

Everyone wast tensely watching as Tim placed his last block on top as the tower wobbled a bit before going back to being still. Once it stilled moved forward quickly eyes scanning the thing as his time was quickly going he got one block out placing it on top before they all paused as the thing wiggled more threating to topple over.

Crash!

“Yes!” Tim shouted throwing his arms up into the air “I win!”

“I’ll kill you, Drake!”

“You lot, so shut it!” Tim yelled as the two of them started to face off only to be ripped again. “Hey!”

“Enough!” Bruce set them down. “Damian, you lost. Alright, let’s move on with calculations.”

Dick was struggling as he answered another question. On the paper there were ten questions, each of them made by Bruce, did he ever put an easy one? No! Not at all so he was trying to get done as soon as possible. If anything he had to be at least second to move on to the next round.

The scrapping of paper, however, was unnerving and he could hear how fast Tim was going. Damn, this was a major disadvantage with this challenge. Tim was a well-known genius and maybe people underestimated Jason but the second Robin was a lot smarter than most people knew.

The hope had been that Tim would have been taken out in the first round but since that didn’t happen he had to do his best to get all the answers right and to finish on time. The stupid timmer was a half hour but he almost cringed when he heard the small ping of the bell in and Tim call out that he was done.

Trying to force his mind to work fast Dick scribbled down his answers as fast as he could. The second bell made him wince as he could feel Jason’s smirk even though he hadn’t looked up. Once he was done he flipped his paper over and smacked the bell.

“Done!”

“Alright, there were two minutes and three seconds left on the bell.” Bruce closed his phone before taking all the papers reading them over. “Tim got every answer right.”

“Of course,” Jason rolled his eyes. “Come on, old man who’s it gonna be me or Dick?”

Taking a minute to go over both the papers Bruce took his time before looking up. “Jason is the winner. Dick, you forgot to show your work on two of these.”

“Noooooooo!” Dick cried laying his head down. “I wanted pizza!”

“F*ck yeah!” Jason yelled standing up before glaring at Tim, his hand patting his hidden gun. “Ready to lose?”

“Like that’s going to happen,” Tim glared standing full height though it did very little against how tall Jason was. “Get ready to be buried twice.”

“Damn, that’s cold,” Jason smirked. “Alright, bring it on!”

The rules were the same as Janga, you have ten seconds to get your move in or you lost. Tim and Jason had been moving their red and black pieces as fast as possible as well as keeping tabs on each other’s moves.

Baby blue eyes and Lazurus’s green eyes glared at each other while they moved their pieces down into the slots as the pieces continued to fall until finally there was only a few moved left. Jason moving one over only he bearly missed the line as it fell into the wrong slot before he could snag it up.

“No! Damn it!”

Without hesitation, Tim put his second to the last piece in before jumping up with his hands raised high. “Yes! I am victorious!”

“Damn it!” Jason hit his fists on the table before sitting back. “Whatever, you got lucky!”

“Don’t be a sore loser, Jay,” Dick laughed as he moved to put the game away.

“It makes you look pathetic, Todd.”

“You were sulking this whole time!”

“Enough!” Bruce yelled as he pulled out his phone. “Alright, Tim, what are we ordering?”

As the Silence of the Lambs played, it was near the end in the Family movie room. In front of them on the coffee table, it was full of Chinese take out boxes. Everyone had their own plate filled with this and that from the place and even got seconds.

Tim was in his chair next to Bruce watching the movie as he slowly ate the late of his food eyes closing a little. Even though the movie wasn’t scary to him, hell they have seen worse. With the last bite of his food, the warm bubbling feeling that had settled in his stomach the second the food had arrived was expanding as he felt relaxed and peaceful.

Shifting more he laid his head on Bruce’s shoulder slowly dozing up thinking about what leftover Chinese food he was going to eat tomorrow. Just before he could slip all the way under he made a mental note that next week he wanted Korean food.

#fan fiction #Tim Drake #family #Batkids

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cleaduvalls · 5 years

Text

i watched all 20 episodes of "spy kids: mission critical" twice in about a week and here are my thoughts (pt 1/5)

these will be divided into 4 episodes per post so they stay about the same length as one spy kids movie

1.1

no theme song. :/

wow specific location

wow. we love lying to our spouses

greg actually kind of sounds like greg??? like ingrids not right in the slightest but greg sounds like greg

oh yeah i call him greg instead of gregorio bc thats Too Many Syllables

i dunno id rather go on an adventure

oh!!!!! ingrids hair!!!!! cute

they look like friggin iron knuckles from cadence of hyrule

how do you..... classify a move

also why would they teach agents to counter a move that they also taught the agents

dont you mean SWAT

is that tom kenny?????

thats not carmen. i dont care WHAT you say. thats not carmen

shes 14???

since when can he build???

since when do they LIVE at the oss?????

thats a ball. not a blob

oh mood

juni your voice is so squeaky

Every Villain Is Lemons

is this a separate universe????? we already know about the third brain program. and you cant claim that people havent seen the movies cuz theyre ALSO on netflix

the experiment wasnt FUTILE it actually went really well. yall are just cowards

you can destroy gold???? like its not DIAMOND

did golden brain go through childhood??? or did he just.... spawn as an adult????

alliteration

take a wild guess carmen

why are you wearing jeans in the DESERT????

"sis"??? who says that

oh boy fart jokes already

little brothers, cuz youre younger, were related, and youre boys

did you mutate the agents too?????

oh i feel you juni

oh boy butt jokes

carmen youre 14. where im from you COULD have a job at certain places

is he... gonna kill them?????

oh!!!! the mimicking is back!!!

theres no way you had taco butte in the last 5 minutes

teenagers?????? the franchise is spy KIDS get it right

there SHOULD be, yall are licensed spy kids

roll credits

juni stop trying to be a lone wolf it never works youve seen all 4 spy kids

i want to be her

are you.... knighted?????? or are you just british

hes like 11 what do you expect from him

ahavschaj acemate

carmens FACE she looks HIGH

finger guns???? hes bi

THUMB THUMB!!!!!!!

TOM thumb thumb!!!!!!

F L O O P!!!!!!!!!

nvm i want to be HER

im sorry how the H*CK did you just say fegan???????????

piercings!!!!!

and i OOP-

aztec???? bc the aztec death spiral??? nice

maybe im a little biased bc floop but shes my favorite

why are the parents here

who calls it a cuddle bear?????? its a teddy bear what are yall on

oh i love carmens socks

i gotta say im living for goldies aesthetic

haha coward

to be fair hes from the outback, they have friggin emus. those things are creepy

:0 sneaky

nice timing

1.2

wow ig there really is no theme song :(

how can he sleep with a TEACUP

i think at some point youd just... fall asleep????

wow big flex

and i OOP-

scorpions so mean i love her

for like 3 seconds that animation looked like a friggin barbie movie

i thought thumb thumbs couldnt hold things???? like thats their whole point

did she hang up on them?????

when your mom said she wouldnt get mad if you tell the truth so you tell the truth and she still gets mad

K A N Y E?????????

oh no they all have died

drowning a chainsaw????????

PLENTY OF PEOPLE

my parents whenever im tired

did you not hear her name shes clearly immortal

stop yelling

at that point he shoudknt have even been able to drink the milk

why are the spotlights on carmen

*2 hours later*

dont put the phone on the desk????? have you not have a teacher give you detention for that????? i have

i think its pretty obvious what he was dreaming about

in the subtitles the u has the dots but hes not pronouncing it right. it should be more "keurp-ka-kay", not just "coop-ka-kay"

everyone has weird dreams????? step off ace

class lasted for 5 minutes wtf

do the three of them share a phone???? thats what it says in her contacts

ok visage thats a little too far

i hate this dude so much

visage shes allowed to be on her phone shes not in class

psi???? like earthbound????

😔

theyre not wrong

STOP YELLING

thats?? not possible?????? youre just weak

why are you saying that out loud

dude stop im dying of second hand embarrassment

wait the sign with the transcribed words doesnt have the ü. so how he pronounced it WAS right they just messed up the subtitles

i thought there was only ONE of its kind why do they EACH have one?????

why did so many people lose????? it seems pretty straightforward

also i love her ringtone

is that tom kenny again??????

thats.... not how it works

he should not have made that

so the big reveal is that it was his mom, but how does he know shes a cortez now?????? she was avellan at that point

take a wild guess

spurious??????? why are you using his first name

i dont???? think you can????????

1.3

the beats pretty good, im tapping my feet

i love his voice

thats not disco thats TECHNO

actually discos probably right. hes german and in germany clubs are called diskos. the music hes playing is pretty clubby, therefore it would be disco

she has spotify premium???? nice

ooooh scorpion has bed curtains!!!!

why do both cortezes have the floor bed???

how can juni hear aces music???? did his headphones get unplugged????? is it just super loud?????

sounds more like kids music than folk music

HOLY CRAP HES LISTENING TO THE WIGGLES (no offense to the wiggles)

yes hes a heavy sleeper we discussed this last time

he has a bazooka you might wanna run

"carmen is not here" me too carmen, me too

glitch chill

oh yay piss jokes

how does so much stuff come out on the floss

she was asleep???????? take it easy glitch

creative name

also the music sounds like it came right out of cadence of hyrule??????? which could be possible bc the girl who voices glitch also voiced link

glitch its clearly a virus

carmen you can go, psi can handle this

hes so protective of his records im dying

BAHAHA she said "worm?" and ofc my dumb ass thought she meant worm as in "oh worm?"

1.4

i had a whole bunch but tumbr decided to delete it and i dont wanna rewrite it so we missed the last 4 minutes of 1.3 and the first 8 of 1.4, sorryyy

it doesnt matter anyway no ones gonna read this

this whole point system was in the fourth movie, get some new plot points

is that really a good idea carmen???

throwback to when i was a kid and wanted to learn australian

oh no they died

JUNI NO YOU SAID IN THE THIRD MOVIE TO N E V E R SPLIT UP

sheilas a great name shut up

listen i see mirages all the time in the summer but how do you see a fake building???? its always a puddle of water

yeah the outback STEAKHOUSE

you sound like youre on crack

oh no he died

one time i ate a bug bc i thought it was some leftover dorito i had stuck in my teeth

hes pretty good at shelters, did you not see the second spy kids???

hey he calles him juni!!!

s n e a k y

what even is heat rash?????

STOP YELLING

nice STEALTH you tell him he has nice STEALTH

#spy kids #spy kids mission critical #mission critical #spy kids spoilers #spoilers #juni cortez #carmen cortez #fegan floop

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loxxxlay · 5 years

Text

okay. Im upset and I cant sleep so Im gonna get it out of my head. tldr; rant incomimg, forgive T.T Ill delete it in the morning when I feel Ive adequately self pitied, sorry. :(

Everyone keeps asking "are u gonna finish Moment of Peace?" (thank you for interest!!!) and like theoretically the answer is yes, but the problem is Ive worked myself into a stress ball about it - and the conditions are: I can't write anything (or enjoy writing anything) until A Moment of Peace is done.

And boy, would I fucking like to finish A Moment of Peace? hell yes. was i fucking excited while writing the final chapter all those months ago? Fucking Hell Yes. No roadblocks. I knew what I wanted. I was going to WRITE it.

Until some mother fucker decided to plaguarize the second half of my first chapter (a piece of writing that i am MOST proud of to this day). Without any credit or mention whatsoever. It devastated me. Their fics were completely unsuccessful on ao3, until they stole my ideas. (I mention this because I was one of the first people who ever commented on any of their prior fics.) And now all of their fics have countless comments and kudos - probably more than MY fics at this point. And tbh, writing for this fandom hasnt felt the same since :( I havent enjoyed it as much. other than with brothers of habit (the oneshot, not the series), I haven't been as passionate.

And its falling into the same old fucking pattern that Last Try did. One person up and ruins it for me and I can never get it back.

I hate that I let this happen. Why am I so sensitive? What the fuck is wrong with me?

The worst part is that it feels like no one believes me or that they think Im being unfair/unreasonable. I thought the anxiety was all in my head and that everything would be okay.... until a few months ago when Ao3 officially decided they didnt believe me either. And like okay whatever. I guess I'll need another 2 year hiatus to be able to write anything and enjoy myself again.

And I said back then I wasnt gonna namedrop but you know what its 11 pm, 6 months later, and Im still sobbing over it, even now, and there's nothing else i can do because ao3 didnt believe me... so fuck it, here it is.

i dont want them to get hate, that wont help me. but i guess it might help to hear if anyone else sees the obvious plaguarism in the 2nd half of the first chapter. idk. i cant even trust myself on it anymore. validation is nice.

p.s. i know some fics have loosely adopted my ideas, so if ur one of those ppl and u see this, dont worry. its a totally different story if u give me credit or even mention me/rec me somewhere. which is something that everyone exxept this person has done. so thank you ❤

#god #this just hurts so much #i know in the grand scheme of things this is so petty #but i cant stop feeling so shitty #ive tried for months guys #how do i get over this #i just want to forget about it #lox talks personal #lox whines #delete later

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bearofohu · 6 years

Text

changes (please read)

hhi it’s your boy welcome to mcnugget

(if my url is already changed by the time you read this post, this is chewyloon)

also note im still very new to this the changes im about to make so please know i havent done all my research yet im doing my best ok thanks.

i don’t really want to make this post. i really dont. its not because what i’m about to do is something to be ashamed of in any regard but its just because i am so goddamn bad at wording things that this is going to come out sounding like my most intricate meme yet. its not. i would never make this up. im going to write this post trying to pretend like my heart is not going at a million beats per minute so if it comes out also looking like an elaborate crytyping post i promise its not.

if you lurk my blog, which i absolutely don’t mind, you might notice that 90% of the posts that you may have seen before i deleted them 2.6 seconds later were about how i dislike being a cis female, posts about wanting to be what i knew i wanted, and posts venting about how my family would laugh at me for trying to hint at the changes i wanted to make to my identity. i deleted these posts almost instantly after i made them because i felt like people would look at it on their dash and be like “ew, edgy” or some dumb shit, i dont know, im just so paranoid

a lot has changed in my life this year. my family no longer constrains me, and their contact with me is very limited. i’m alone. and at first it felt like the worst feeling in the world, sitting alone, doing things alone, but honestly, i’ve been thinking about all of this nonstop and i realize now that..

bitches, im free. i can be what i want to be. i can buy as much choccy milk as i want and no one is going to stop me from shitposting at 3 AM. and nobody is going to tell me i can’t change my identity anymore, either.

honestly guys im unprepared. im so unprepared for this but i know this is what i want and i’ve already signed a blood oath in my brain that no matter how hard this gets for me i cant back down. this really is what i want. guys i dont feel like a girl. i dont like my body and how it feels as a girl. i dont like being called a girl, i don’t like being identified as a girl, it’s not me and i don’t think it ever was. and im probably the least masculine bitch on this website, but that doesn’t define whether or not i can identify as a boy. i want to be a meme boy. i want to be a shitpost boy. i want to be a weed king boy. i wanna be a boy that cuts their hair real short and wears flannels constantly and rocks a fucking pair of weed socks. and im going to do that. i promise. no matter how hard it gets i’m not going to let anybody stop me

im really sorry if it sounds like im talking in circles i really am not trying to, so i’ll just try to get to the thiccness of this post and exactly what im changing about myself.

i no longer identify as a girl. i’m a trans boy who just started transitioning like fuckinn uh yesterday. i havent told anyone in my family and i dont fucking plan to. i have friends who support me and im changing my name this weekend. i feel like i havent entered dysphoria hell yet but i know for a fact it’ll come soon. right now im not worried about my appearance. and im sorry but i can’t provide a coming out selfie because this is just now happening and im ugly and have been crying for hours and my zipper’s stuck so no. soon i’ll start getting to work on my appearance. i know for a fact that i can’t afford any medical help for my transition and i won’t for awhile, but that’s on the to do list for the coming years.

ok now we get to talk about my new name and this is the part where you’re allowed to cringe but please i am just a boy and my crops are dying no criticism on my christian minecraft server please. also shoutout to all the confused people on discord who caught my not subtle profile name change.

my name is fuckinn uh... luek. luke. its luke.

i gET it, i know INEVTIABLY there’s going to be some ppl that look at my blog and then be like “ew another tumblr gremlin changes their name to an anime boy” but i sWE a R the character of luke is a big part of why i felt compelled to the name but its not the entire thing. i grew up with the character luke triton since i was 7 in a very hard time in my life and im very fond of him and he’s one of my favorite characters if not my favorite character of all time. i love his character a lot and its because of that that i felt compelled to the name. im not just changing it to luke because i think luke is my fursona, i don’t, im changing it because i love the name because of the character. i don’t really feel like i have to justify my name change but i know most if not all of you will be supportive of it and ily so much <3

uMM what else this entire post is a clusterfuck. ok so this is probably going to be the most disruptive change at least in a tumblr aspect. im going to be changing a lot of social media usernames in the next few days, including my URL here on tumblr. i dont like chewyloon anymore. i dont like being called chewy anymore. i wanna be called luke and i feel like i’ve outgrown the username chewyloon and it doesnt fit my identity anymore. so i’ve decided my display names on various websites is going to change as well, and i’ll be changing my username on most sites and my email to Ryukkan. the weeb overtakes me sorry if you don’t like it the username Luke and ChickenNuggetBoy was taken.

now im not changing my URL as soon as this post goes up but shortly after, just so people who read this will know who the fuck sent it and if not i put my former user at the top so ppl don’t get confused.

ashgf im running out of things to talk about. i will be changing things in the upcoming days but please remember im not trying to make this a giant deal so please dont spread this or anything, just let people find out naturally.

ily guys very, very much and i dont know what i would do without ya’ll. you guys mean the world to me <3

ok well this post physically hurts me to write so im going to end it here. im sorry if im inevtiably acting a little strange in the next weeks or so, like i said this is a huge change so adjusting is going to be difficult.

ily guys <3

- luke

#coming out #transition #transitioning #transgender #trans boy #gender identity #professor layton #pl #luke triton #chewyloon #personal #im in so much emotional agony #i dont know what to tag this sorry

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edge-lorde · 5 years

Text

hp update: so, the help desk people emailed me back. they said it was probably a RAM problem.

the game needs 2 GB of free RAM to play. i have an old phone. might not have more than 2 GB of RAM total, but somehow i have made it nearly a full year, all the way to year 5 of playing this game almost every day and havent had a problem until now? idk. i delete a bunch of apps off my phone and it is still not working.

i look up online, other people are having this problem too, where the game keeps crashing on this one level. only advice is to wait for the game ppl to fix the bug (wont happen if the problem is with my phone) or try to play the game on my pc with an emulator. i opt for that.

i save my game with facebook so that i can load my game on another device. i see theres a free emulator called nox player. i read up about it, seems like its the most reliable one but some people get randomly signed into other peoples account when they try to play hphm. i am frightened but desperate. i decide im going to do it.

i go to a website called nox official and download the app. i notice that the installer doesnt look the same as in the tutorial. its asking me to accept or decline installing anti-virus software. im getting scared now. i google “is nox safe” get mixed answers, mostly having to do with it being finicky and crashing and other emulators being worse. the installer stops and a new one starts, this one does look like what is in the tutorial.

i scroll down on the website some more. i see disclaimer: this website is not official and not associated with big nox in any way. i google big nox. its the real nox website.

i quick uninstall the nox i just downloaded and another app that i got tricked into downloading. the actual nox program looks like its the real nox, just maybe out dated by an update or 2 and definitely pirated. i take no chances though.

but im still desperate, so i re-download nox from the real website. it doesnt ask me to install more apps thank god.

i get it going. the controls are janky and it doesnt connect to my real key board, but i download the hphm app. i manage to log into my account. another thing i was terrified of is somehow writing over my save with a completely new game, but that doesnt happen.

I LOAD AND PLAY THE LEVEL WITH NO ISSUES.

WOOOOOOOOO

it does crash later while im trying to duel. this is alright though, because i start the app on my phone and everything has saved!!!!

i play a few more levels using my phone and everything is working fine!!!!!!!!!

i may have put a virus on my computer, but i did it goddamn it... i fixed the bug..... i found the loophole......

and i did it all for you, bird tom felton.....................................

i doubt ill be able to do this event without gems now but its ok....... nothing can stop me from playing gobstones with this fictional boy ever again.

#talbott #talbott winger #hphm #harry potter #hogwarts mystery #flying solo #hp #sirius business #im so fucking happy #and scared that i gave my comp a virus #rambling #Thoughts

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bubblebaath · 6 years

Photo

a few ppl wanted a tutorial on how to make these kind of gifs so here u go! it goes thru a few basics of blender so if u already kno that stuff u can just skim most of it djsfhfkjh

warning: very long and probably doesnt make sense in some parts

OK step 1: draw the creature u wanna animate as a doodle:

step 2: lineart all the different parts u wanna use and fill them in solid black. (keep each shape on a separate layer)

step 3: if you wanna use a blinking animation for an eye, draw out a fully coloured one n save it in its own file for later (ill do an AnimAll tutorial for it at some point kjhdkjh) otherwise u can just draw it straight on the head.

step 4: disassemble the puppet so all the parts are spaced apart. u might wanna take a picture of what it looks like assembled in case it gets difficult lining up parts later. save as a transparent png.

step 5: open a new file in blender. press num pad 5 to go into orthographic mode,and then num pad 1 to align your view to the front. if u cant see an extra menu to ur right that has options like background images/motion tracking etc press N.

open the background images tab and add your disassembled puppet as an image.

step 6: set your mesh view to wireframe, and add a plane mesh by pressing shift+A. there should b an operator panel that pops up to ur left with an Align to View option, check this box. (unnecessary note: u can also make a plane without aligning it, go to edit mode, delete the plane, and add in a new plane aligned to ur view so it doesnt mess with its object rotation but it doesnt rlly matter in this context)

step 7: position planes in edit mode over each part. it doesnt have to be super neat, as long as it covers the whole part and accounts for any joints.

its probably best to b generous with the amount of space you leave around each part, so it doesnt shrink too much when you apply a subdivision surface modifier in the next step.

step 8: go back to object mode, go to the wrench icon on the tabs to the right, and add a subdivision surface modifier. (apply it to the mesh with the settings as they are already)

step 9: go back into edit mode. to your right, pull up a small window from the corner tab thingy at the bottom, and switch the view for that window to UV/Image Editor.

step 10: select all of your mesh part by pressing A, click on the shading/UVs tab to ur left, and choose Unwrap>Project from View (Bounds)

step 11: press the image tab at the bottom of the UV window, and open your puppet image again. u may notice everything is misaligned bc i dont know a better way to do this kjfdhdkjhlkjdfh

you can realign them by putting your mouse over a part and then pressing L to select it, and G to move it.

extra notes for ppl who havent used blender a lot: pressing X or Y while in move mode will lock it to the X or Y axis. you can do the same when you scale by pressing S instead of G.

step 12: focusing back on the actual mesh in the edit mode window, go to the materials tab at the right and make a new material with the plus button. scroll down until you see a shading tab, and check the shadeless button.

underneath that, check the transparency box and set the alpha bar to 0.

now go to the textures tab add a texture slot with the plus button, and import your puppet picture where the folder icon is.

scroll down to the influence tab and check the alpha option.

13: your mesh should now have the puppet texture on it yaay

in edit mode, move parts into the correct layer order u decided on when making the drawing. (eg, head is at the front, arms are slightly in front of the body etc)

the order doesnt matter too much if the puppet is a solid colour, but it helps when rigging it.

14: assemble the parts so its in the right place like your original picture was, then go back to object mode. add a single bone thru the same way you added a plane.

15: place/extrude (e) bones over the parts/points you want to move/bend. make sure to name them smth Not Ridiculous in the N menu so you can find them easily later.

if you want bones to move with other bones automatically (like arms moving with the body) you can go to this tab, and select a parent bone for it.

16: once u have all the bones u need, go back to object mode. deselect the armature. now, click on the mesh to select it. click the armature second while holding shift to select them both. press control+P and choose the With Empty Groups option.

17: deselect them both and click on your mesh. in edit mode, click on the triangle dot thing tab to see your vertex groups. (this is y you need to name bones)

this part is straightforward. if your mesh part has no joints in it, you can select the part for the vertex group by hovering your cursor over it and pressing L. then click on the correct vertex group name from the list on the right, and press Assign. (if u fuck up you can also use Remove in the same way)

you can assign individual faces by using the face selector thing for meshes w multiple bones.

if you wanna see how it works, select the armature and change the view to pose mode and try moving/rotating a bone. (if u rigged it, it should move)

if you go to pose options, theres a box that says Auto IK. if you check it, you can grab bones like this!

18: to begin keyframing ur animation, you need to press this button at the bottom of the timeline. if you want the animation to loop, you need to copy/paste the starting pose on the first and last frame.

if u wanna make it look creepier, you can select all (or just some) bones , change your view on the window to ur right to Graph editor:

and go to Key>interpolation>pick any (the gif uses bounce)

...aaaaand thats basically it! heres a few extra steps if you wanna render it also:

to render the animation:

go to object mode, add a camera, go to the camera tab to the right and set it to orthographic. you may need to adjust the view thing so your mesh fits on the screen (moving the camera back wont work in ortho)

to stop the texture looking sorta blurry:

go to your texture tab, scroll down to image sampling and turn interpolation off or to Box.

i think i got everything dskjfjdfhj this was written at like 4 in the morning so forgive me for typos

#tutorial #blender #animation #gif #eye strain #bird #anthro #red and black

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mxn-yoongi · 7 years

Text

BTS as Kingsman (Seokjin)

-Literally a whole dad. Like super supportive of new trainees and then always becomes a mentor to the newest member. Hes kinda good at judging people

-Its gotten to the point where whenever they have a new batch of trainess he can basically guess whos in and whos going to be out. AND HES NEVER WRONG

-Like ‘ that one is too confident i think he’ll be out when we toss him out of a plane and make him work with the others. Next’

-‘That one just busted DOWN A DOOR WITH HIS SHOULDER FUCK YEAH KID YOURE IN’ (good job lancelot!!)

-Codename: Galahad

-Jin really likes being more of a tech guy instead of being in the field.

-Like yeah i can hack into the any security system and delete anything theyve got or obtain top secret government files without being detected on their system but dont ask me to punch a guy in his throat

-Like i will if i HAVE TO but ask lancelot first he’ll punch anyones throat so leave me here

-So basically one day arthur is like ‘hey galahad we kinda need you to hack into the United States Governments files’ and jin just

-‘Okay sure’

-So jin gets to it and hes typing at the speed of light and there are a bunch of numbers and letters on the screen and jins just chilling because of course hes got this in the bag hes done this like a hundred times

-And he finally pushes enter (dramatically might i add) because that always gets him right in and he turns in his swivel chair and hes like ‘what do you need arthur’

-But arthur is like ‘umm bro’ and hes pointing at the computer and jin turns around and HIS EYES ALMOST POP OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS

-He! Has! Been! Detected! And! Blocked! Out! Of! The! Archives! And! Databases!

-How did this happen@@@@@@@

-Jin just kind of gets this determined look in his face and suddenly hes typing faster than before (if thats even possible)

-‘Galahad whats going on?’

-‘Something is keeping me out but that should be impossible because...because...well just because i know what im doing and they shouldnt be able to trace anything back to me and what is going on’

-Jin is like working overtime on his computer like how does he type that fast how is he even reading the things that come up on screen if they disappear in .2 seconds what is this

-‘Okay okay no need to panic its probably just like a firewall or something’

-Jin stops everything and glares at arthur

-‘Are you kidding me? You think of all things a measly firewall will stop me. This sint a firewall.Its not even some bot system either because its too slow. This is like human speed blocking.’

-Suddenly jins screen goes completely black.

-Both men are confused bc umm whats going on

-A loading bar appears at the top of the screen and suddenly some kind of I.M. window pops up.

-Jin tries to click the x in the top right corner to close the window but nothing happens.

-Instead in the bottom left corner there are three dots and the words

-‘Y/N’ is typing…’

-The message that pops up leaves jin red in the face

-‘Is someone being a bad boy?’

-Arthur is laughing because ‘did your computer really get some kind of freaky virus from waching porn’

-‘I DONT DO THAT ON THIS ONE’

-‘I really need you…’

-Jin frantically pushes the x but it still doesnt work

-‘TO STOP TRYING TO HACK THE US GOVERNMENT’

-Both arthur and galahad stop what theyre doing umm this is a little too real

-‘Are you going to respond?’

-‘I know youre reading these’

-‘I can see you right now’

-There is literally no way you can see them because theyre in hq which is a mansion in the middle of nowhere

-Another window pops up on the screen and its jin like in real time and he realizes its the image from the camera on his computer and oh my gosh someone is hacking into the hackers computer what the heck

-‘This is a warning. Don’t try to hack the government again because I will find you. Have fun.’

-The screen goes black again and when it light up lo and behold its on A PORN SITE lol arthur is dying in the background bc galahad just got out hacked.

-Jin is still shocked by the fact that someone was capable of doing this to him. Like there is someone out there that can really get into their system despite jin taking every precaution and making it nearly impossible to hack

-Jin shuts off his computer and just kinda flops onto the ground because what the heck

-2 WEEKS LATER LETS TRY THIS AGAIN GALAHAD

-Sure enough jin still cant get into the database and the I.M. window pops up again

-‘I literally warned you’

-Jin kinda hesitates a little because should he respond or...

-‘How did you know it was the same person’

-‘I told you. I can see you’

-‘HOW’

-‘I dont hack and tell baby.’

-Jin is taken back?? Um baby? Hes no baby. Hes not your baby. Is he your baby?!?!?! Mom???????

-This goes on for like a while. Like jin tries to get into the files but hes always stopped by you and then you guys have a lil conversation and jin starts trying to hack more often just becuase…

-He wants to talk to you a little bit?

-Like he genuinely begins to worry about himself because does he like someone thats preventing him from doing his job? Have you become a part of his daily routine? Can he separate himself from you?? Its like a criminal falling in love with a cop basically.

-You also let your guard down a little bit like he already knows your name and birthday and about your dog. You dont tell anyone about your dog. Bc hes yours. Your! Dog! But this guy trying to hack into the US government knows about him what have you done.

-You decide its time for a break from this whole hacker blocking thing so you tell your boss and he assigns someone else to this case.

-Yeah its a case.

-The gov. has been trying to figure out who is getting into their files and you were put in charge but clearly its proving more difficult than you thought bc you have grown attached and if he gets caughts then you wont be able to talk to him anymore

-Youve figured out for the most part where he is located but you havent reported it to your boss because...because you cant…

-So now theyve got someone else trying to figure out what you already know

-The day you decide to take your break jin also decided he wants to talk to you and there he goes trying to hack again. He pushes anter and waits for the screen to go black like it has for the last few weeks.

-But it doesnt??

-Hes suddenly in the governments files…?

-Jin is kind of of worried like umm where is Y/N and why didnt she stop me from doing this.

-So jin has no idea what to do now because for the next week he keeps getting into the files and its like you disappeared from the internet and all of a sudden he gets an idea

-Like hes got these government files so if you work for the government they must have some information on you right???

-He searches your first name and a few different people pop up then he narrows it down to one by looking at the birthday and there you are in all your glory.

A picture of you that makes jin’s heart skip a few beats followed by

Name: L/N, F/N

Age: 24

Department: Cybersecurity

and right there...your address…

-Seokjin swallows hard before he scribbles the address down on a piece of paper.

-Hes out of his chair before he knows it and nobody has time to question him when he says hes going out into the field to gain some valuable information

-AND THATS HOW HE ENDS UP on an airplane to your location at 9 pm.

-One five hour flight and a one hour taxi drive later jin is standing outside what he assumes is your house at 3 in the morning

-He hesitantly knocks on the door and waits.

-You are woken up from your good night of sleep by a knock on the door and when you look at the time youre like umm who is here at 3 am and why, oh wait you think you know why

-You shuffle downstairs slowly

-You swallow hard and open the door. The person you see on the other side doesnt startle you bc oh my gosh this is the hacker man ive possible fallen in love with even though technically im supposed to be throwing him in jail oh my gosh

-And you deliberately let him find out your location in hopes that he’d show up but you didnt think he’d be here so soon

-Maybe this was a bad idea

-OH GOD HES HOTTER IN REAL LIFE. TRUE WORLDWIDE HANDSOME.

-Your mind is nearly blank but somehow you manage to play it cool

-‘I wasn’t expecting you so soon’

-Jin is ??????? you were expecting him???

-‘I didnt think you’d let your guard down long enough that i would figure out your address.’ jin plays it off cool with a little smirk that makes you want to pounce on him

-‘Oh baby...its so cute you think you could have actually found me.’

-Jin raises an eyebrow in confusion

-‘Don’t try to fool yourself. I let you find me.’ the way your bottom lip juts out slightly is enough to make jin lose it

-he is impossibly entranced by you bc not only can you out hack him but you also outsmart him and out-hot(?) him and everything in between.

-He literally cannot hold himself back he just kinda goes for it like a full on dizzying, heated, passionate, swollen lips and flushed faces type of kiss.

-And that is how you managed to get yourself a kingsman boyfriend.

A/N: Sorry if this one is a little bad its just kind of what comes out of my mind.

#kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x you #seokjin x reader #seokjin x you #bts x reader #bts kingsman au #bts #kim seokjin imagine #kim seokjin scenario #kim seokjin #kim seokjin fanfic #seokjin scenarios #seokjin imagine #seokjin fanfic #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts fanfic

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brytedarklyt · 7 years

Text

Roleplay is/was my life - A OOC Rant by Kristi Downs

As many might’ve noticed. (Or not, I guess.) I’ve been somewhat gone from here, and from FFXIV. I want to talk about a few of my feelings on why that is a thing.

Overall, this is just me complaining to a wider audience that might actually have constructive things to say, other than “go out and look” or “Change your characters to fit your needs.” Scroll past if you like, the rest will be below the read more.

To start things off, I mean what I say in the title. Roleplay was my life. My personal life is a shitstorm of homo and transphobia, sprinkled with baby boomer entitlement and wrong age ideals. Its hell living here sometimes, because of who I am. So, to escape that I jump into MMOs. I havent always RP’d, but when I discovered it in FF and started participating, It felt great. So I HAD to get better. I worked at improving and though i’m not the best roleplayer, I definitely enjoy it when I get to. Roleplay was my escape.

Despite my enjoyment of it, I still had a very large amount of social anxiety when it came to walking up to someone and starting something. More often than not, any RP I actually had was started by someone else, because I couldn’t muster enough guts to approach someone I found was interesting.

Coming to balmung, I didn’t really have contacts. I’d go to events, have a little RP here and there but nothing really permanent. My character wouldn’t make real friends, or partners, or grow relationships. So I sought a group that I could join to make that possible. A friend of mine suggested one such group, whos name I’ll keep anonymous but a few of you know what I mean. It was glorious. I met new people, participated in other characters lives. It was probably the best time of my roleplay life for a while. I was having a blast; So much so I started making more characters to roleplay even more with them! My mistake was, however. That both characters I made were created for people who made me feel they didn’t really want them. Everytime I roleplayed on those characters, I felt like I was forcing someone into it. It felt less.. Grand; Than the few months I had found so much enjoyment. I noticed this, and tried to branch one of their stories away from the specific person and unfortunately made things worse, but at least they are their own character now.

About this time, is when the new expansion dropped. I expected roleplay to fall off a while; Which it did. On top of that, a few personal things happened with people in the group that tore them away, so it was left to a certain few of us for a while; Which was okay with me because I still got some RP to keep me occupied. A new group, albeit smaller, was formed and I loved it. The leader grew to what I thought was one of my best friends. I saw great things coming with this group, and wasn’t so sad that the first had given up on expanding their borders, or slowly disappearing into memory for a few of its members.

But like always, OOC problems got in the way with that too; This time in the form of a new plot the first group decided was a good idea. While i’m not against the plot, per say. It hit me hard. Very hard. I was told i’d be included, and here we are 2 months later and I have to even pry the other members of said group for info on how the plot is even progressing. This plot spawned negative feelings between me and other members; These feelings which I loathe with every fiber of my being. This plot also sealed the fate for my second group too. Though, unattended; OOC feelings about the unfairness and the ‘scripted’ feeling of this plot made the leader of the second upset (on top of a few other things going on in his personal life, not relevant to this rant.) and He quit the game. He deleted himself from every part of my roleplay life, and the first groups. I can barely get a hi out of him anymore.

This whole thing has me feeling lower Roleplay wise than when I was just starting out. I feel discluded, unwanted even. Sure, I had begun to start something with a character of mine at the same time that could slightly interfere with the plot but that shouldn’t stop people from actually seeking me out to see that something was happening. My social anxiety is at an all time max; And every time i’ve tried to express my worry, and my dismay over whats happening i’m told “Oh its not that bad” or “Go out and talk to people.” Well, its harder for me than you’d expect. As much as I want contacts, i’m petrified at the thought of talking to someone new. Which is my fault, yes.

Overall, This all has me pretty.. Low. I can barely think about roleplaying without getting sad about whats happening. On top of the fact my family is deadset on me working a job that I have to slave my life to (last few weeks ive been on 70 hour weeks, until I got fired) I just can’t find it in me to start anything on my own. And it sucks.

For those that read this far, thank you for listening to me rant. I might delete this later, maybe. I just needed to get it out because noone was listening before.

#ffxiv #ooc #rant #this sucks

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