#my cat died and it was the worst thing that ever happened and it still hurts so bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelrari · 2 months

Text

gossip girl · pt. xvii

based on the tv series gossip girl

max verstappen / charles leclerc x socialité!reader

fc: elsa hosk (y/n) · taylor hill (léa) · barbara palvin (jolie)

a/n: hi! i'm so, so happy for the responses and the interactions the last chapter had!!! also i've hit +800 followers!!! it's insane to think so many people are reading this story. thank you so, so much!! here's a new part for you, hope you like it!🤍

prev | next

· · · · ·

gossip girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of monaco's elite.

joliedebelle

liked by arthur_leclerc, charles_leclerc and 102.223 others

joliedebelle karma is a cat purring in my lap cause it loves me.

view all 812 comments

yourusername ily

username the quote, the caption, y/n in the third picture... this confirms it's over i'm SCREAMING

username jolie please breathe if y/n and max are done

joliedebelle liked this comment

username oh mY GOD

· · · · ·

"what a fucking idiot". jolie said, rolling her eyes as you explained to her and lily how your relationship with max ended.

"jolie". you stopped her. "it's my fault".

"i am not saying otherwise, i am saying he's a fucking idiot and i stand by that". she replied. "also, seeing another girl the right after you break up? that's suspicious".

"yeah, i agree, you just don't happen to meet somebody else right after you break up with your partner...". lily said. "do you have the picture that gossip girl posted?". she asked to jolie and she nodded, quickly searching it on her phone.

"here it is!".

"let me see". lily said as she grabbed jolie's phone. "wait... i know her, i met her a few months ago. she's léa's friend. if i remember correctly her name is zoe".

"wait". jolie said as she starred at the picture. her eyes widened as memories came to her mind. "oh my god, now i remember it! i thought her face was familiar because i thought i had seen her somewhere around here, but no, she was in abu dhabi, i saw her at the club! she came with léa".

"now that's suspicious". lily declared. "do you think they met that night?".

"nah". jolie replied. "max was with the drivers all night, he must've known her from before".

"girls". you stopped them. "let's not do this. i don't care when they met or what's he doing with her. i'm the one to blame here, whatever he does afterwards it's none of my business".

· · · · ·

yourusername

liked by joliedebelle, charles_leclerc and 124.254 others

yourusername had to get my apartment ready for christmas, so here's a photo dump of how it went! 🎅🎄❤️

baked christmas cookies with my favorite girls @/joliedebelle and @/lilyfleury 🤍

"helper" 1 (@/joliedebelle did not buy one single christmas decoration or gift in the whole morning, just things for herself because "she deserved it").

"helper" 2 (@/charles_leclerc only came to eat the cookies and then had the worst idea ever - see number 4).

short trip to find a christmas tree (pro tip: don't let you friend with a ferrari tell you it's a good idea to drive there. we had to carry the tree all the way back home and then come back for the ferrari).

friendly reminder to also buy a ladder. "helper" 2 wasn't tall enough and i almost died (real).

the results!! (still decorating, but i'm so happy how the tree turned out!).

view all 1.242 comments

charles_leclerc i definitely deserve more cookies after the effort i've put in decorating your apartment

lilyfleury wdym more???????????? you and y/n ate them all

yourusername we burnt the calories when we had to carry the damn tree all the way home i agree with him we need more cookies

charles_leclerc that's why you're my favorite

lilyfleury i hate you two😒

joliedebelle stop exposing me like that! (ily)

yourusername i literally lost a whole morning because you didn't find some sneakers you wanted (ily2)

joliedebelle it's called investing time, not losing!

username please her and charles in the fifth picture it's SO cute

username it's giving couple behavior

username it took her a week to move on max sweetie i am so sorry

username max literally went on a date with somebody else and you're blaming this girl for hanging out with her friends joliedebelle liked this comment

· · · · ·

the chatter coming from the living room could be heard from the kitchen. spending the evening with your friends had filled your heart with joy, but a few minutes ago you started to sense an anxious feeling creeping in. it had been like this for the past week, the guiltiness haunted you since the day you kissed charles, making you feel regret every single time you thought about your relationship with max. so, when the anxiety had started invading your body, you had excused yourself, telling everyone you were going to load the dishwasher quickly before it got too late. charles, who had known immediately what was going on, helped you carry all the plates to the kitchen.

"are you okay?". charles asked after he brought the last plates, placing his chin on your shoulder and his arms around your waist. the familiar perfume and his body always brought some sense of comfort.

"it's fine, it will pass". you replied, taking a deep breath as you kept rinsing some of the plates. "i just needed a couple minutes to clear my head".

"i hate seeing you like this". he muttered before placing a soft kiss on the side of your head.

"i'm sorry".

"don't apologize". charles said as his hand reached to turn off the tap.

"what's wrong?". you asked as you dried your hands with a dish towel, turning around afterwards to face him.

"you don't have to go through this alone". he said starring at your eyes and you nodded. "you know this, right?".

"i know, i know". you replied as you lifted your arms to place them around his neck, pulling him a bit closer. "i'm sorry i've been distant these past days, i have a very short social battery lately".

"it's okay". he said. "i'm just worried because i haven't heard much from you this week. i know you tend to overthink and i know how you tend to push people away when you're sad, so i keep thinking about you non-stop".

"i'm sorry i-".

"stop apologizing".

"sorry". you repeated and both of you chuckled. his hands, that were still resting on your back, pulled you closer and you rested your forehead on his. you took a deep breath with your eyes closed. somehow charles always made you feel at peace when he was around you. "i needed some time alone to sort out my thoughts, but i promise i'm not pushing you away".

"good, because i don't plan on leaving anytime soon".

· · · · ·

lilyfleury posted a story!

caption: ❤️‍🩹 @/yourusername @/charles_leclerc @/joliedebelle

· · · · ·

prev | next

taglist: @cha-hot @carlandonorri-s @raizelchrysanderoctavius @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @crlsummer @f1mockingjay @ssararuffoni @au-ghosttype @jointhehunt67 @amalialeclerc @lazybot @kimmchijjajang @roseseraj @ponkaniee @champagneproblems17 @starshapedb0x @aundercover @lqvesoph @coffeewhore18 @coolio2195 @crazysaladchopshop @mirrorball-6 @nataliambc @scenesofobx @stopeatread @woozarts @spaghetittied @inloveallthetime @f1mockingjay @smnthnclj @ironmaiden1313 @d3kstar @kapsylia @toalltheboyswhowastedmytime @basicchelsea @xjval @formulaal @weekendlusting @dutifullyannoyingfox @evie-119

let me know if you want to be exlcuded from the taglist!

261 notes · View notes

ellabsweet · 9 months

Text

[*ੈ✩] 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐘 • 𝐄.𝐖

synopsis: ellie writes in her journal religiously, a foolish attempt at reconciling with her feelings and understanding what it is that happens to her particularly when she is around you

pairing: ellie williams x reader

warning: written in ellie’s pov as the entire story is told through her journal entries, if this is well received it might be a multiple part series, loads of angst and borderline emotional cheating

I saw her again this week. Or better yet, she saw me, and I don’t think I have ever dropped someone’s hand so fast as when her eyes glanced down towards mine and Cat’s intertwined, in the end that only served a purpose to make them both upset. She pretended not to have noticed me after that and deep down I couldn’t blame her for it, though it’s been nearly a month since our last conversation a part of us both know that a friendship shouldn’t experience something that feels like a break up.

Guilt is the second worst feeling I’ve ever experienced and still it comes pretty damn close to grief. Sometimes kissing Cat I pretend that it’s her instead, eyes shut from all reality it’s almost like I can shift her taste into whatever I imagine hers to be instead and in the moment it feels too good for the guilt to settle in, it feels like home. Which is a shame, in the end, because this is about me not deserving that comfort. I remember Cat had to stop me, push me off her to catch her breath with a laugh and she looked me starry eyed to say she’s never felt me so into her before. The strawberry in my lips turned to poison so fast. She didn’t know. Didn’t even understand why my face fell at the comment, felt the need to tell me it was just a joke but we both knew it wasn’t.

Cat is easy. Easy in a way that borders boring which means it’s safe. Life is hard enough as it is for me to keep having these impulses towards devastating gut wrenching love, the kind of love inevitable with her. I told her once when we still liked to pretend we were friends that she was something of a tornado, like this force of nature so inevitable to everything else that sweeps up everything off the ground, and she was so offended. Like I’d said she was destructive. But she is. I haven’t given her the opportunity to abandon me and still it has broken my heart to glance at her across a room and not run straight to her arms, not be the one making her laugh. It’s been too long since I’ve heard the laugh I would bottle and save to get drunk on hard days and now can’t even treasure for good ones.

To be loved by her, though I guess it may be pretentious of me to assume she loved me, was finally coming up for air, was watching a meteor shower, is probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to the moon and understanding what it is to moon over someone, she personified my astronaut dreams and I am a stupid asshole who keeps dropping things on Earth because they’ve got new found gravity. I miss floating and I hate all the things I’ve crashed on the ground, sometimes I’m not sure who’s shattering the most without her. (I do. It’s me. I’m taking this metaphor too far.) But she would hate me if she knew. I thought I had lived long enough as myself so I could find her but not having died for the cure only means I never get to have her, not fully, not if she knew. And I wanted her to know me. More than I wanted her to just love me, which is terrifying. That’s why we can’t be.

#the last of us fanfiction #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams #lesbian #ellie williams angst

199 notes · View notes

thewickedkat · 6 months

Text

no one is a hero here. neither is anyone a villain.

yes, Ashton fucked up. they did a Thing--a big Thing! a Dangerous Thing!--and consulted precisely one (1) person about it. that person enabled and facilitated said Thing without really stopping to pause and think about it. Fearne fucked up by not doing those things. Ashton almost died because of their combined short-sightedness.

these things happened. tell me that no one else in the history of ever has done a Dumb and Dangerous Thing. tell me you never have. fuck knows i have. and?

more than anything, Bells' Hells strikes me as a party of Firsts: it's Chetney's first time really doing anything with something that resembles a pack (i say this without knowing a thing about werewolf dynamics in Exandria and at this point i can't be arsed to learn more). it's FCG's first time in a group knowing more of their own provenance, knowing what they are capable of (good and bad), their first experience with faith. it's Laudna's first time around people who aren't actively trying to either burn her home down or run her out of town on a rail, her first experience with something resembling love (despite Delilah's poison trickling into her ear). Fearne is still learning how to people, given that the only other people she really hung with were the Crown Keepers, and that wasn't for a very long time. Imogen is quite literally learning how to human without hearing the inner voices of folk around her, since she got the circlet, and is learning how to define people not by the worst intrusive thoughts skirling across their brainmeats. Ashton has never been around people who weren't ready to immediately take advantage of any kind of weakness perceived on their part, or ready to abandon him at a moment's notice. he is learning that not everything is defined by a quid pro quo. Orym is really the only cat in the group who has been around stable individuals throughout his life, and most of those people have been there since jump for him. that, and he has a calling, a duty, something that he views as greater than himself that he is willing to submit to. he finds comfort in that, where Letters is just now starting to have an inkling. but even he is learning how to mesh into a unit that isn't a squad, or a platoon, or a guarding body. with the Hells, he isn't just defined by that calling--he is a friend, a brother, without the mutual cultural understanding of the Ashari to back it up.

my point is, all of these people are still discovering new things about themselves. they are still young from a maturity standpoint--even Chetney is, because he is being confronted with emotional entanglements that he (assumedly) hasn't had to deal with before.

there are going to be fuckups. there are going to be scares and hurt feelings and things shouted at each other that are difficult to take back and apologise for. this doesn't mean that one should scorch the earth and piss on the ashes when there is a fuckup.

furthermore, understanding why the characters do what they do is not the same as excusing it. reasons are not the same as justifications are not the same as excuses, etc etc etc. i can easily follow the reasoning behind Ashton taking the shard into themself, because who doesn't want to feel special and badass? it went to his head! i can also understand why Fearne wanted to help--it's what you do for friends, yeah? you help them? and if you're kinda crushing on that friend, the urge to go along with what they want is doubly strong. also? no one ever taught her emotional regulation, i don't think. i fully think that's why she got so viscerally angry with what happened, all that fear and adrenalin and terror at what have i done had to go somewhere, and so she kicked Ashton in the head and tried to break their hammer, and it was Chet who recognised that urge to break and destroy and he allowed her to channel it away from harming anyone else.

people do dumb things, sometimes. they do dumb things and say dumb things because all they want to do in that moment is make something else hurt the way they do. and then they regret it, and internalise it, hopefully learn from it, make amends and move the fuck on. both Ashton and Fearne are having their 'oh if it isn't the consequences of my actions' moment, and they're allowed to have their shitty, messy, all-over-the-place feelings about it. there has been quiet screeching in the fandom about character growth and conflict and the 'necessity for all of them to sit down and talk,' and now that such a moment is here, it seems that many people are saying 'wait, not like that.'

Ashton and Fearne are both traumatised individuals, yes. i think Ashton understands a little more clearly than Fearne what that means, with regard to themself, because (and i don't mean to minimise here at all) his trauma is more evident and obvious and 'conventional,' for lack of a better term. Fearne's trauma is more...nebulous and isolating, because she has normally had Nana Morri to prevent giant fuckups like this, or worst-case, fix those fuckups. as a result, it's entirely possible that Fearne doesn't really grok just how real and bad not thinking things through can be. this doesn't make her naive or a babe in the woods at all, but there is a vast difference between being aware of the potential for something to break bad, and then seeing a good friend explode in front of your face. i dunno, i'm spitballing here.

there are no heroes, nor are there villains. just folk--messy, self-centred, short-sighted folk. let them have their fuckups without putting any of them on crosses or pedestals.

#critical role #cr spoilers #cr meta #cr disc #i guess?#except Delilah. that bitch is a villain and i am Tired of her.

60 notes · View notes

tigerrsmn · 2 months

Text

"...we will not let despair win. We will see Nex in all the community and things that bring us joy. We will organize and fight, rest, rinse and repeat. We will see Nex in each other and so we will honor and care and protect one another. And we will honor and care and protect our trans kids so this doesn’t happen again."

The incredible co-founder of and Intersex Services Coordinator for TIGERRS, Ly Chayim (they/it/he), speaking at the Twin Cities vigil for Nex Benedict, organized by Thomas Edison High Gender and Sexuality Alliance. (transcript below)

[Ly Two Electric Boogaloo! Hello, everyone. Before I start my speech I also just want to bring light to Jacob Williamson who was an eighteen year old who also died in the past week. He was a trans man. I just have not seen people talking about him and I wanted to have a moment for him. Also before I start the speech I’d like to say “Hello” and “Thank you for being here” on behalf of Representative Liish Kozlowski who couldn’t be here because they have to be there for their own kiddo, but we talked earlier this week and they would like me to remind you that Nex and Savannah are a part of the Missing and Murdered Women and Two-Spirit Indigenous Relatives we have lost. We must uplift and fight for MMIR as much as we fight for trans youth as a whole.

Notes from this week:

I get to make a house I don’t need to go in debt for and also travel without using a car.

It’s building, exploring, crafting, adventuring, and just having fun.

It’s basically just a normal sandbox game with more creatures.

Um, the cats of course. Another note: (From a google search) Zeus is considered the ruler, protector, and father of all humans.

I promise these are not random notes in my notebook. Zeus is the name of Nex’s cat and one of Nex’s favorite games was Minecraft. I work at TIGERRS, an organization for Trans, Intersex, and Gender-Expansive kids — an organization that is youth lead and where those youth decided to create a Minecraft server an exact week before Nex’s murder. And I will be calling it a murder. These are our kids’ favorite things about the game. Nex was sixteen. They liked rock music and head banging. They were kind. They were a straight-A student. And the worst part is, they shouldn’t of had to be. They should have been able to be failing every class, to have been kind of a jerk, and to have the most niche interests the world has ever heard of. They shouldn’t have had to work to be respected. They were a child. They deserved to just be respected. But the beautiful thing is despite how terrible world the can be, they were kind, they were patient. They were remembered for lights, for being a light. Which is why you are here today.

I see Nex in the kids I work with. I see Nex in my little sibling, the same age as them, in them being sixteen, tenth grade, loving Minecraft, nonbinary, and asking them their favorite things about the game. And them looking in the mirror and seeing Nex’s burial shroud instead of their own reflections. When Nex was attacked, they were attacked with another trans friend. A friend who deserves and needs support right now. A friend who deserves flowers and light while they’re still alive, much like the kids here. Nex’s sister is also queer, also dealing with the hate their sibling faces. Our kids here deal with the same, seeing people like them once again not making it to old age. And so in the name of Nex’s love for their friend and their sibling, we will not let despair win. We will see Nex in all the community and things that bring us joy. We will organize and fight, rest, rinse and repeat. We will see Nex in each other and so we will honor and care and protect one another. And we will honor and care and protect our trans kids so this doesn’t happen again. Minnesota is intimately intertwined with what just happened in Oklahoma. We just lost Savannah in Minneapolis to a similar murder. A murder that is using the Trans Panic Defense to plead “not guilty”. The Trans Panic Defense needs to be banned in Minnesota.

This is the homework I am assigning to you today:

Contact your representatives, they’re trying to pass anti trans legislation here and we will not let that happen (I have the website on how to find your rep here up front if you wanna come up here) And you’re going to yell at them for making this state a trans refuge state, but not protecting our native trans siblings from murder. Side note: shoutout to Leigh Finke, who just spoke, Liish Kozlowski, Athena Hollins for doing the work. We see you, we love you, and we need you.

Find a trans youth in the crowd, take the crumpled $20 in your pocket and give it to them so they can go buy a rock album or go to the cat cafe or buy Minecraft or whatever else trans kids don’t get to do because we make them grow up too early. And you will ask them their favorite things, and all of the trans people in your life their favorite things. So if something happens they are not just known as a number. They’re known for naming a cat Zeus, for being patient, for teaching their friends how to head bang safely (by the way, if you’re going to head bang, please do that).

In the words of Aurora Levins Morales, slightly tweaked for tonight, “Imagine winning, this is your sacred task, this is your power. Imagine every detail of winning, the exact smell of the summer streets in which children celebrate themselves, not as an act of revolution, but as an act of every day life. Hold hands, share water, keep imagining so that we and the children of our children’s children can live.” Our struggles are always holding hands. From the genocide of Palestinians, to the genocide of trans people, to the genocide of Native folks and the genocide of people who are in the center of that Venn Diagram. We must be steadfast in solidarity.

This murder happened after attacks on their school district by Chaiya Raichik and Ryan Walters — may they be haunted forever — for having a queer teacher. As school board races start here, pay attention. Do whatever you can to make schools safer for trans students and Native students here. Reach out to trans students across their state borders when you can. Cis people, do better. I do not just mean cis men. Cis women, also get your act together. Kids shouldn’t be fighting for themselves, that’s our job. It is also our job to call an ambulance when needed. Be uncomfortable, invest in mutual aid, flood the streets with tambourines and singing and screaming and cries so that people must pay attention to your love for us. Trans folks, hold each other, uplift each other, also get out on the streets. They are yours. Another world is possible.

May Nex’s memory be a blessing, may be found in everything you do for community, may be rooted in the earth in the cycle of rebirth, may you remember them in stories of gods in the sky, may you remember that they were not alone. They were loved. They are still loved. And the fight continues on. There’s more to their memory than just an excuse and reason to fight, than just being a number, than a vigil. They’re when our kids say their favorite things with a smile. ]

#tigerrs #nex benedict #vigil #twin cities #minneosta #minneapolis #protect trans youth #protect trans kids #protect trans lives #protect intersex lives #transgender #gnc #nonbinary #intersex #nonprofit #activism #genderqueer #enby

37 notes · View notes

perspectivestarters · 6 months

Text

Perspective's Sentence Starters; 1989 (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift (Part II)

WILDEST DREAMS

Let's get out of this town.

Heaven can't help me now.

Nothing lasts forever.

This is gonna take me down.

He's so tall and handsome as hell.

He's so bad, but he does it so well.

I can see the end as it begins.

Say you'll remember me.

Say you'll see me again.

Even if it's just in your wildest dreams.

No one has to know what wе do.

This is gettin' good now.

You'll see me in hindsight.

Burnin' it down.

Someday, when you leave me, I bet these memories follow you around.

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL

Are you insane?

It's been a long six months.

You were too afraid to tell her what you want.

That's how it works.

That's how you get the girl.

I want you for worse or for better.

I would wait forever and ever.

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together.

Remind her how it used to be.

Tеll her how you must have lost your mind.

You left her all alone and never told her why?

That's how you lost the girl.

You know that I don't want you to go.

THIS LOVE

I could go on and on.

And you were just gone.

I never dreamed of this.

This love is good.

This love is bad.

This love is alive back from the dead.

These hands had to let it go free.

This love came back to me.

Struggled through the night with someone new.

You showed up just in time.

I watched you leave.

When you're young, you just run.

You come back to what you need.

This love left a permanent mark.

This love is glowing in the dark.

I KNOW PLACES

It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight.

I can hear them whisper as we pass by.

It's a bad sign.

Somethin' happens when everybody finds out.

Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out.

They are the hunters, we are the foxes.

I know places we won't be found.

They'll be chasing their tails tryin' to track us down.

I know places we can hide.

Lights flash and we'll run for the fences.

Let them say what they want, we won't hear it.

Loose lips sink ships all the damn time.

Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it.

They take their shots, but we're bulletproof.

You know, for me, it's always you.

I know, for you, it's always me.

CLEAN

The drought was the very worst.

The flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

It was months and months of back and forth.

You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore.

Hung my head as I lost the war.

When I was drownin', that's when I could finally breathe.

I think I am finally clean.

I punchеd a hole in the roof.

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you.

I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing.

Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it.

I won't give in.

Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it.

WONDERLAND

We fell down a rabbit hole.

Nothing's as it seems.

Didn't they tell us, "Don’t rush into things"?

Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?

Didn't it all seem new and excitin'?

I should have slept with one eye open at night.

We found Wonderland.

You and I got lost in it.

We pretended it could last forever.

Life was never worse, but never better.

There were strangers watchin'.

Whispers turned to talkin', and talking turned to screams.

Didn’t you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile?

It’s all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind.

I reached for you, but you were gone.

I knew I had to go back home.

You searched the world for somethin' else to make you feel like what we had.

And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad.

YOU ARE IN LOVE

Time moved too fast.

No proof, not much, but you saw enough.

The light reflects the chain on your neck.

No proof, one touch, but you felt enough.

You can hear it in the silence.

You can feel it on the way home.

You can see it with the lights out.

You are in love.

He keeps his word.

For once, you lеt go of your fears and your ghosts.

You're my best friend.

He keeps a picture of you in his office downtown

You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars.

I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words.

NEW ROMANTICS

We're all so tired of everything.

We wait for trains that just aren't comin'.

We show off our different scarlet letters.

Trust me, mine is better.

We're so young, but we're on the road to ruin.

We play dumb, but we know exactly what we're doin'.

We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom.

I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me.

Every day is like a battle.

Every night with us is like a dream.

We're the new romantics.

Heartbreak is the national anthem.

We are too busy dancin' to get knocked off our feet.

The best people in life are free.

The lights and noise are blinding.

It's all in the timing,

We need love, but all we want is danger.

We team up, then switch sides like a record changer.

The rumors are terrible and cruel but, honey, most of them are true.

Come along with me.

Please, take my hand.

Please, take me dancin'.

Please, leave me stranded.

It's so romantic.

#rp sentence starters #rp sentence meme #rp sentence prompts #sentence starters #sentence meme #sentence prompts #lyric sentence starters #lyric starters #music starters #rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #ask meme #exodusmusing #*mystarters #*1989

21 notes · View notes

johannesviii · 4 months

Text

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2023

What a weird year for pop music, full of strange trends, confusing garbage and unexpected hits. Once again, even if the charts don’t always reflect it, music as a whole is currently very interesting to follow closely.

Disclaimers / Rules:

I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these lists. There’s songs that charted in my country way higher than they did in the US, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

No song that I already put on a previous list is elligible.

No old hit song that is re-charting due to a holiday or a trend is elligible either.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible.

I have sound-to-color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

A lot of bad stuff happened to me this year (several accidents in a row, and also my cat died) but some good stuff too, thank goodness. I only went to two concerts this year (Bloodywood and BMTH), but they were both absolutely amazing. Pretty sure the Bring Me The Horizon one was the best concert I ever went to, actually, and there's a lot of competition considering all the great ones I went to in 2022. I'm just sad 100 gecs had to cancel theirs, I was really looking forward to it. Oh well.

Let’s start with the good or interesting albums that came out in 2023, and oh my, that's a long list already.

Albums

Starting as usual with stuff that disappointed me: Depeche Mode's Memento Mori was... actually it was all right, but I miss the days when I could get excited about a new Depeche Mode album, I really do.

Pink Tape by Lil Uzi Vert was a giant fucking mess. There's some absolute bangers on it, and then you get to the next track and it's the worst thing you've ever heard. Which makes for an interesting listening experience, for sure, but one I'm in no hurry to repeat. At least it's never boring.

After the Magic by Parannoul isn't exactly my cup of tea, but you should definitely listen to it once, I think. It's something special. It might grow on me, though, because I only listened to it for the first time last month.

On the other hand, I listened to Scaring the hoes by Jpegmafia and Danny Brown a while ago, and while this one is definitely not my cup of tea, it's also a ton of fun and I don't feel like a single second of my time was wasted on it. You should listen to it for the samples alone, and just out of sheer curiosity if nothing else.

A kiss for the whole world by Enter Shikari is a weird beast, because the singles are absolutely incredible, but then the rest is a big pile of nothing (at least in my opinion). But the singles, man. I really don't know how to judge it as a whole, the quality is on a rollercoaster.

Kind of the same thing happened with Electric Sun by VNV Nation, one of my favorite bands of all times if not my favorite, if you recall. Some tracks completely floored me, the rest was meh. Oh well. Noire was so incredibly good that I can live with an average VNV album dropping after it.

Fanfare by Dorian Electra was full of absolute bangers but... I don't know, there's some of the madness of the previous record missing. And yes, I'm saying the album containing the minion line (you know the one) is more serious than My Agenda. Go figure. But it's still very good!

Two different friends told me to listen to 4D by Blank Banshee, so I did, obviously. Great electro album. Send tweet

I'm not entirely sure what to think of Atta by Sigur Rós. I cried several times while listening to it for the first time and it's a genuinely impressive series of tracks, but it's also so devastating I've only relistened to it twice since then.

I only discovered Svalbard a couple of years ago, and this year they dropped The weight of the mask, which might be even better than their previous album. It's mostly about depression and trying to fake normality while being depressed. Not a very pleasant topic, and yet this is full of energy and... hope? Everything sounds unbearably bright and between the screams, you feel like everything will be better eventually. Great stuff.

Speaking of depression, there's also No joy by Spanish Love Songs. If you recall their previous album was my album of the year a few lists ago. Their sound changed slightly, and at times it almost sounds like The Killers, but not in a bad way. There's a couple of tracks I don't like very much, but the writing is still on point, and some tracks are among my faves I put in the "unelligible songs" part.

Census Designated by Jane Remover, on the other hand, came out of nowhere just to kick me in the face. I don't even know what to say about that one. Go listen to it.

I found Gunship almost by accident a few months ago, and they immediately dropped a new album, called Unicorn. It's just a huge pile of great synthpop through and through - if you don't mind a couple of really stupid lines (godddd that third track is full of them). The other downside is that it's way too long (more than an hour), and if it was up to me, I'd remove at least four tracks from it. Unlike...

...10000 gecs by, who else, 100 gecs. It's less than half an hour long and it's so fun and so varied in its sounds and so stupid while still being incredibly well produced. For the longest time I couldn't decide which one of the last five albums on this list was my favorite, and then I relistened to all of them in a row and felt compelled to play this one a second time after I was done. Definitely worth the wait.

Unelligible Songs

This is kind of a non-hits rec list of sorts, but you know the drill. I also have to mention that two songs from previous lists (The Magic Key by One-T and Dernière Danse by Kyo 2003 represents) recharted this year for some unfathomable reason.

Gonna start with my fave tracks on some of the albums I already mentioned. Because why not.

The only song I consider great on the Depeche Mode album was People are good which sounds like character development considering People are people also exists

Speaking of Depeche Mode, one band arguably out-depeche-moded them this year so let me introduce you to ††† (Crosses) with Ghost ride, Invisible hand and Holier

Lil Uzi Vert is next with Suicide doors and its deranged intro immediately followed by FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR BITCH then Uzi following that by stating they're the Crow. Yes, really. Also there's Werewolf, literally a Bring Me The Horizon song with Lil Uzi Vert on it, and if I had a nickel every time that happened this year I'd have two nickels, which isn't much but-

Wait let me interrupt this list with another song called Werewolf which I've listened to WAY too much this year. It's the kind of song you listen to ironically at first but after the tenth time that happens you realise it's no longer ironic and you love it for real. Seeing Motionless In White live kinda helped, not gonna lie, but still

For Enter Shikari, we have A kiss for the whole world, Bloodshot, and especially [pls] set me on fire, which might be one of my most listened to tracks of 2023, actually

VNV Nation had Wait, Invictus, and Artifice, which are all absolute bangers in my opinion. Ronan is angry and we love to hear it

By the way this year Pink released an extremely VNV-like song called Trustfall and it's very good but also uncanny

Kylie Minogue is also doing something vaguely similar with Hold on to now but in a more mainstream normal way btw

And then for something completely different, we have Dorian Electra singing about obsessive fans on Symphony, fame on Wanna be a star, and most importantly writing anon hate and immediately deleting it on anon

Run is the first track of the Blank Banshee album I rec'd and it's only one minute long so listen to it maybe

Technically I can recommend Gold if you want some taste of the Sigur Rós album but you need to listen to the entire album to get the full crushing effect

Svalbard isn't going to lighten up the mood with How to Swim Down and Faking it

Neither is Spanish Long Songs with Clean-up crew, Marvel, Here you are and Lifers, the last one being notable for having what's possibly my fave bridge of the entire year, and all of them for being endlessly quotable. Stay alive out of spite everyone

Also not lightening up the mood is Jane Remover with Census Designated on the album also called Census Designated

But what's this? It's Gunship with a steel chair trying to punch some joy into this list with Holographic heart, Nuclear Date Night, Taste like venom and Monster in paradise!!

And the gecs with a second steel ch- wait no it's a plastic chair shaped like a frog. Anyway here's Dumbest girl alive and Hollywood baby, and both of them go wayyy harder than they have any rights to

ok that was a lot of songs already. Here's Everything goes on by Porter Robinson as a palate cleanser

Also the first reggaeton song to ever end on one of my playlists, Sci-fi by Tainy and Rauw Alejandro

Also I'm gonna put a gif here otherwise Tumblr won't let me post something with such a long uninterrupted list in it

Ok back to the list of recs

Let's get the humiliation out of the way and say that this year I listened to Raining blood but it's super emo more than I ever listened to Raining blood in all my years combined

Oh yeah and Linkin Park released some old (finished and unfinished) tracks from the Meteora era and I'm kinda pissed off cause Lost missed the year end list. Fighting myself is excellent too, and if you want a really heartwrenching unfinished track, Resolution has a giant Chester-shaped hole where its chorus should be and the lyrics make it even worse. You're welcome

Possibly the most mainstream song on this entire rec list but I'm also pissed off Bad Idea right? by Olivia Rodrigo didn't chart enough to count for my top ten hit songs

I can offer you Eat the acid by Kesha if you want an awesome but mildly disturbing listening experience

For some electro/future pop here's Head over heels by Solitary Experiments

Wait there's also Bring the noise by Neuroticfish

Over is there if you need some Chvrches doing some Chvrching

Justice for Gladiator by Jann

Pointing at Even Jesus got the blues by Gabe Lee and saying I would listen to more country if it sounded half as good as that song, not like anyone cares

Holding on to nothing by Sierra. Send tweet

Northwind + Sky-colored dream by Strawberry Hospital and Parasite Heart is just seven minutes of cool pastel screams

And for an absolute goth banger everyone collectively decided to ignore here's Train to Harlem by Korine

I can't get enough of Nosebleeder by Lil Lotus and that's probably mildly embarrassing at my age but I've decided to stay mildly embarrassing forever

kisses by Slowdive if you want vibes and vibes only

Blood and sugar by Boys Like Girls if, like me, you want something that sounds exactly like The 1975

Choose your fighter by Ava Max if you want something that sounds exactly like Barbie Girl

I really wish I could explain what my feelings are every time I listen to The King by Anjimile but the only thing I'm sure about is that I'm feeling something a LOT and that it's terrifying

On a lighter note here's Mall rat by Durry, a very upbeat pop punk song about mall goth teenagers having fun and it's extremely good, listen to it immediately if you're having a bad day

And as some of you might have expected because of that previous gif, we're gonna finish with some Bring Me The Horizon, who have joined my list of favorite bands alarmingly quickly (that new album can't drop soon enough), and let's just say LosT and especially AmEN! were some of my absolute fave non-hit songs this year. Seriously. What the fuck was that.

And now, some elligible hits that didn't make the list.

Honorable Mentions

Tiki Taka (Vacra) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years.

Shining Light (Aime Simone) - I wish I liked that artist more.

Unholy (Sam Smith & Kim Petras) - At first I didn't like this one, and then I headcanoned Kim Petras as a girl in a confessional and Sam Smith as the priest on the other side looking concerned but also weirdly into it, and suddenly it was a really funny song.

Dance the night away (Dua Lipa) - I'm pretty sure that's the song Chained to the Rhythm by Katy Perry is talking about

Casanova (Soolking) - This is a borderline guilty pleasure, and also it sounds like Magic System. Which is a bonus, by the way.

Calm Down (Rema) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years 2: the sequel

Rush (Ayra Starr) - Afrobeats is the best thing that happened to the charts in recent years 3: the sequel to the sequel

Strangers (Kenya Grace) - Very good low-key track to play when you're driving at night

Bloody Mary (Lady Gaga) - What can I say. It's Lady Gaga. It's good.

I remember everything (Zach Bryan) - And for "songs that would be on the list if I had good taste-"

Going going gone (Luke Combs) - The last cut from the list. Great earworm, good writing.

THE ACTUAL TOP TEN LIST

This is a very solid list, actually. All of these things are still on some of my playlists to this day.

10 - Bad Habit (Steve Lacy)

US: #39 / FR: Not on the list

This was the last cut from my 2022 top 10 and it was a painful one, so imagine my joy when I saw it was elligible for this year's list too! Welcome back, Steve Lacy, your little song is still an earworm and a half even after all this time.

9 - Cruel Summer (Taylor Swift)

US: #18 / FR: Not on the list

I have no idea how a song that rhymes "oh woah oh" with "summer" can sound so good. Well played, madam. Well played.

8 - Star Walkin' (Lil Nas X)

US: Not on the list / FR: #67

Not the best Lil Nas X song by a mile, and still quite good! It plays a lot at the gym for some reason. The hype is real, even after hearing it pretty much every hour on the hour. And despite that weird, weird line about his dad.

Very surprised it's not on the US year-end list, by the way.

7 - Vois sur ton chemin (Bennett)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69

If you're creeped out by the AI-generated kids in the music video, I think that's kind of the point, which is why I can tolerate it for once.

Anyway, this is a remix of a choir song about lost kids, originally from a retro movie called Les Choristes which came out back when I was a teenager. And now it's been turned into a somewhat creepy techno remix of itself, and you know what's bad about that? Not a single thing actually. Play it again.

6 - Fast Car (covered by Luke Combs)

US: #8 / FR: Not on the list

If you remember correctly, Fast Car was the number one song of the very first list I made in this series (1988). And since this cover is so similar to the original song, I considered making it non-elligible for this list. I counted it in the end but put it kinda low compared to the original. It's only fair.

5 - Anti-hero (Taylor Swift)

US: #4 / FR: Not on the list

I was pretty indifferent to this one at the beginning of the year, but it slowly but surely grew on me. Everything has already been said about this song. So yeah, it's very good. I like it. It's on the list.

Moving on!

4 - Substitution (Purple Disco Machine x Kungs)

US: Not on the list / FR: #56

Some songs just make you want to move every single time you hear them, without fail. The thing is, this one plays a LOT on the radio in public settings, so catch me dancing in the aisles of the local supermarket every time it's on. It's like some memetic SCP bullshit.

At this point, it should be possible to make a great playlist with all the best retro-sounding hits we got in the past five years or so - and yeah, put this one on it too, for sure.

3 - Miracle (Ellie Goulding, Calvin Harris)

US: Not on the list / FR: #51

At some point this was my number one, and can you really blame me? An Ellie Goulding song with a drop that sounds exactly like a Robert Miles track? Really?

Then I realised I loved Robert Miles' tracks because of that dreamy piano/synth melody they all have, and that this song only had a drop/musical chorus that sounded like that, so something was missing. Oh well. Still a fantastic dance track, though.

2 - Escapism (Raye)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

Welcome to the other side of most of The Weeknd songs, I guess, but that's also what makes this track so compelling. The intro sounds like anxiety, and even when the song gets more pleasant to listen to it just never goes completely away - just like in the lyrics, in fact. Well written, well produced, everything is on point and if I had better taste it would probably be number one on this list.

Alas, I am what I am.

1 - Just wanna rock (Lil Uzi Vert)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

At some point, this was the third song on the list. Why shouldn't it be? It's so brainless compared to Escapism, and laughably short compared to Miracle. It's just a fragment of a song. It sounds like the intro of a track that will never start.

It's also by far my most replayed hit song on this entire top ten list and I can't justify that in any way. So yeah, putting anything else here felt like lying to myself. The fact it never really starts also means the hype never really ends. Going "daaaaaaaaaaaamn" along with Uzi's distorted vocals is so satisfying.

I just wanna rock, man. What a vibe. See you next year!

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #flashing lights tw #eye contact tw #god that one took ages

13 notes · View notes

visionthefox · 13 days

Text

Im feeling silly , I was looking over my logs of texts I often write to myself, an idea of what ever I want to do in the future And I found a horror idea based on a dream I had- I still somewhat remember it- I have a fear of getting lost and trapped - because I did get lost some few times in my life~ but for some reason my dream changed to "Im running" to "watch as someone else needs to survive" and I guess was to not get too scared? anyways, all I know I was in a abandoment plex, or shopping mall, I was in the play area MIND YOU this was before FNAF RUIN was even a thing! but I used to watch ppl explore abandoment places at night- soo ok, based on this dream of being lost, and running from something, I created an AU I never once shared to anyone sooo feeling silly! I want to let it out~ in resume! actually short one What if Fazbear got tired of weird stuff happening in the daycare, robots coming in and out, missing tech- a fucking death star? and their animatronics getting too comfortable walking away.. so much so is getting the brand in trouble so one night- FazCo just - reset both Sun and Moon, one night they sleep in the room they have, some humans walk in, since they work there Computer can not harm them, Computer tried to wake Moon but failed the next day, both brothers forgor everything and everyone, but something is off, Sun is not nervious nor shy, far from it, he seems to take a leadship, be harsh, sassy and somewhat mean-Moon in the other hand? he is calm, silent, cold only to human and robots, not kids, he is obedient to Sun only, and will be mean to everyone else. idk what exactly happened, but the plex grew darker, as maybe the aura of the change made everyone freak out, since Moon was literally paying FazCo to let him do anything, yet the company reset him as nothing.. soon chaos happend, and Eclipse , who mind you now has a body of his own -and I have no idea on what arc this happened, I just know he still hated everyone and didnt died- tried to walk in the daycare, only to Find Moon staring at him at the top on the play structure, Eclipse tease Moon but soon see something is not ok. Moon let him walk in, and worst, he just stared at him like a cat set on a prey, is only when Sun walked out from the ball pit he stared at Eclispe , and in a cheerfull yet cold tone said "oh, you are not part of FazCo line.. you are a bootleg? sorry~ we dont allow bootlegs in here! you need to leave!" and before Eclipse can say shit, Moon chease him away, Eclipse doesnt know why- but he ran away, maybe because Moon seems to be in his "kill code mode" but he just runs NOW this is the meat of the AU, Eclipse is forced to survive not getting seen by anyone, not even gregrory because he soon realized, every door is locked with new code only the rest on the glamrooks know, he tried to find the code, but just can not.. this is all I got, in my notes I had that Sun tried to reset Eclipse too thinking he just "needed some repains too" but I think Sun wanting Eclipse gone is more scary~ so yea, idk what to do with this so Im letting this out here- I may flesh out this idea? but I dont think I may actually draw it I just knew I wanted some horror related AU with sams at the time I wrote my dream down, I wanted true horror an scene I rememebr is Eclipse running inside one of the tubes, is all dark, only his eyes glow, and he is freaking out, Moon is cheasing him like a actual robot, no much of his personality showing - Eclipse clips up to the play structure, and finds a way out, not before he hears Sun teasing "please come out! we will make you better! you need to follwo FazCo rules~"

#sams #tsams #the sun and moon show #sams au #tsams au #horror au I guess?#also idk what will happend to Lunar- I gues he is safe with monty #also at the time I had this dream Earth wasnt in the cast #if she were to be added she too had to stay hidden since Moon would never allowe her not Lunar to be own by FazCo

11 notes · View notes

sio-writes · 2 months

Text

Into the Woods - Chapter 5 + Epilogue

<<<Chapter 1

<<Chapter 4

*toots trumpet* It's here! It's good to be back, and with a final chapter too! Thank you all so much for your patience; I'm very excited to continue all my serials!

TW for blood mentions, light violence and injury

Cole drops the bear trap onto the kitchen counter with a loud thunk, and the chains attached to the sides rattle as they fall. The noise brings your uncle out of his room, and he looks to the trap, then scans both of you for injuries and, finding none, looks back to you in confusion.

"Courtesy of my father," Cole says.

Your uncle curses under his breath and runs a hand over his head. "That man is a monster."

Cole scoffs. "You're telling me."

As Cole relays how the two of you came across the trap, you stare it down like it's going to grow legs and vault off the table. A shiver runs up and down your spine, how chilling what could’ve happened had you taken just two steps off the trail. The metal teeth gleam in the afternoon sunlight, brand new and razor sharp. It would've taken your foot clean off.

Cole isn't safe here, not with his father a stone's throw up-river and clearly enough time and money to have someone setting bear traps in the woods. He's only going to get ballsier the longer you all wait.

“We need to do something,” you find yourself saying, interrupting the conversation between Cole and your uncle. They pause, surprised you spoke up, and they stare at you for a moment before your uncle blows air through his lips.

"We do. But I'm sending you home, kid. If anything happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."

Your stomach drops. Send you away? You're the one who found Cole in the first place! "No," you say firmly, planting your feet apart and folding your arms over your chest. "I'm not going."

"This ain't your fight," your uncle snaps back. "William ain't gonna hold back, and you're gonna get hurt!"

"So are you!"

"I can deal with that!" your uncle shouts, gesturing to himself, and then violently to Cole. "He can deal with that! We're not risking you!"

"He's going to kill you!"

"Then at least he won't kill you!"

You look to Cole for back-up, but he's looking very pointedly at his feet. So, they spoke about this beforehand. Without you.

Betrayal, got and acrid, slices through your gut, and anger replaces the shock. "This is bullshit! I'm not leaving you alone!"

"You are leaving!!" your uncle screams, and it's like the whole cabin shakes. You've never seen your uncle this upset before. He can get frustrated, sure, but never outright angry, and certainly never at you. The worst you've ever seen is when he broke a toe slamming it into a table.

Seeing something in your expression, your uncle relents, stepping back as if he feels guilty. He shoves his hands in his pockets and fixes his gaze to a point by your knees. This is the stance he gets when he's about to give you bad news, like when the cat died, or your aunt was diagnosed with Stage 2 Lymphoma.

"I already called your folks," he says quietly. Cole's head whips around, just as shocked as you are.

The room tilts, and you feel yourself reeling. Your stomach lurches again like you're going to throw up, and you fall backwards until you feel your back against the countertop.

"I thought we agreed…" Cole starts, but a glance at you cuts his sentence short.

"Things change," your uncle replies, still quiet.

And that's that. Your uncle is more stubborn than you and Cole combined, and when he's made up his mind, there's no changing it. With nothing left to say, you stalk out of the kitchen before you start crying in front of either of them.

Slamming the door to your room doesn't make you feel any better, it only makes you feel petty and childish as you drag your suitcase out from underneath the bed and pop it open. Slowly, you begin to pack your things away, trying not to fume at your uncle.

He just wants what's best for you, he always has. But now he's falling into the same bad habit your parents have: treating you like a kid. You came here to escape being brushed off, treated as incompetent. Your uncle was one of the last family members to respect you as a full-fledged person instead of an obligation. Now you're just a liability, again.

It feels petulant to complain about being seen as immature, but you're in college, damn it, you graduate next spring. You managed all your own scholarships and transportation and classes and living arrangements, and even pulled straight-A's. But none of that responsibility counts now, apparently, and you're being sent away like an unwanted step-child being sent to military school.

A quick trip to the bathroom, and then you dump all your shit on top of your clothes, not caring if anything leaks or ruins your stuff or whatever. After wrapping up your chargers and sitting on the suitcase to zip it shut, you're left with nothing to do.

The packing left you facing the window. It's the middle of the day and there's a breeze blowing all the pine trees around, and you can hear the sound they make, can smell the pine needles. It makes your brain itch to go outside and roll in the mud, just to feel something other than hurting.

This sucks.

A knock at the door pulls you away from moping, a knock that you almost ignore until you look up and see that it's Cole, hunched in the doorway. He's fiddling with something in his hands, and he's not looking at you.

"Are you mad?" he asks quietly.

You bite your tongue against the swell of anger in your gut. He colluded with your uncle behind your back, he betrayed you, and now he's probably going to die and there's nothing you can do about it.

So you turn your head away from him and stick your nose in the air.

Cole isn't deterred. He slowly walks around you, not as a dominating gesture, you think, but as a way to clearly broadcast his movements and give either one of you plenty of time to react. A habit likely picked up around his father, you realize, and the anger inside you fizzles away a little bit, enough to allow you to turn your head and acknowledge him.

"Your uncle gave me this." Cole turns over the device in his hands, you realize it's your ancient Razor flip-phone in hot pink. It had been a hand-me-down from your sister, and you'd left it at the cabin by 'accident' on your very first trip out here. After a long lecture about responsibility and the cost of electronics, your parents bought you a new phone, and you figured your uncle had just recycled the old one. It hadn't even occurred to you that he kept it.

"He put a new, um, sim card in? I think?" Cole says, presenting it to you in both hands like an offering. The case is still chipped from when Melody dropped it the first day of school, and there's a scratch on the camera lens from when you sliced it in your pocket with your keys, but otherwise it's held up pretty well.

You stare at the phone. Cole can text you, Cole can call you. You can check up on him, ask how his day was, tell him to take care of himself.

It's more than that, though. This is a way to talk, to spend time together even if it's digitally. He's holding a connection in his hands, and you have so few of those. So you grab the phone and key your number in with shaking fingers, sending yourself a text and almost sighing in relief when you feel your own phone buzz in your pocket.

"Call me at any time," you say, handing the Razor back to Cole. He smiles at you, the expression shy and reserved,and he gently punches your arm.

Several hours later, your parents pick you up and drive you back home. They don't say much, don't ask you about the trip, or talk about why you needed to come home. Your uncle didn't share the reason he gave your parents, and you weren't speaking to him by the time you walked out the door.

Still, you're not grounded, there's no yelling, and you're upstairs unpacking before dinner as if everything's normal.

You float through the next week, bored senseless. You finish your homework assignments. You read every book on your shelf, scroll through every Instagram post, clean every corner of the house twice. You're not sure why, but you don't text any of your friends that you're back early. It doesn't feel real after all you've seen.

You're stepping out of the shower when your phone buzzes, a text from Cole.

I'm learning how to text.

You smile at the screen. Doing good so far!

How are you?

Bored af

Me to. Your uncle is teaching me how to shoot.

The message isn't a surprise, but you're still taken back by the announcement. Cole continues to tell you that he's also being made to do laundry and dry the dishes, "human work" as he calls it. You idle away the time catching up, your thumbs flying over the keyboard until you fall asleep. You talk for days, so much that your mother has to take away your phone at dinnertime.

You think nothing of a text that comes in close to 1am, so you lazily pick up your phone and squint at the text.

Dad. Help

The door to the cabin is hanging on by a single hinge, haphazardly placed back into its frame like whoever knocked it loose wanted to avoid suspicion. But the windows are broken, there's dirt and blood and deep scratch marks on the porch steps.

You called, hung up, and ignored 911's return call as you pulled off the main road and down the long, winding driveway to the cabin, so you have about twenty minutes before any emergency services arrive. The note you'd left on the kitchen counter hopefully keeps your parents from having dual heart attacks, but you leave your phone in the car in case they wake up and try to call you.

As you pick your way around the broken glass, you catch the light of your screen in the car, either Mom or 911. A part of you wants the security of having another person at the end of the line, but another part doesn't want to risk anyone hearing.

The tables, couch, and every chair is turned over, there's glass scattered on shards on the floor, and splatters of blood paint the wall. The first thing you see is the first thing you grab - a metal baseball bat from middle school. Small, but solid.

You hear a noise like a whining dog coming from your room, followed by the vicious noise of a fight and you rush down the hall, glass popping beneath your boots. The scrap grows louder and louder as you approach your room, and you turn the corner and try to cover your scream.

Your uncle is pinned between your upturned bed and the wall, unconscious and dripping blood. One of his arms is unnaturally bent below the elbow, the other mottled so mottled with bites and tears that glimpses of muscle and bone shine peek between the skin.

Opposite him are two wolves-- the source of the noise. You recognize the smaller one, gray fur, big eyes: Cole. He's bleeding from several places and one for is held in a limp, and he's not as thin as when you first met. He's nothing compared to the monster between the two of you.

It's the size of a mountain lion, with dark, ragged fur caked in blood and dirt. William Ackerman.

It happens too fast for you to think. The hound freezes, then sniffs the air. He starts to turn towards you, and you catch your first glimpse of his face, of bright yellow eyes and a muzzle covered in blood, before your body reacts before you realize what's happening, swinging the bat down and across the beast's shoulders with a scream of rage. It connects with a sharp thwack! that reverberates up your arms, enough that you're sure it's going to break something, but you blink and--

He barely flinched.

William Ackerman turns to you, slowly, deliberately, as you try to process how he could withstand a direct hit from a metal baseball bat without even moving.

Your feet freeze to the floor at the same time that he rips the bat from your hands with his teeth and tosses it casually across the room.

He opens his muzzle, and a low, rasping voice makes the room tremble. "Audacious little thing, aren't you?"

Your arms break out in goosebumps. Your heart rate picks up, your hands get clammy; This must be what cornered rabbits feel like. "Here to save your family?"

He steps forward, ignoring Cole in favor of locking eyes with you, and you take a step back. "Ah-ah," he chides, snout dripping blood as his lips curl in a menacing smile.

William launches himself towards you.

If you had reacted a split-second later, his teeth would have dug into your gut. Instead, you twist just in time to avoid the spray of wood chips from the door frame.

You scramble down the hallway, not daring to look back. William snarls and the sound is inches away, it's like you can pinpoint the warmth of his breath on the back of your neck. This animal is going to rip out your throat, and no one can stop him.

So, you do what he'd least expect, and turn on your heel, swing one leg back as far as you can, and meet that yellow gaze before your boot makes contact with the beast's jaw. His claws drag along your calf, a deep gash onto your skin as William flies to the left in a blur of gray and red.

He hits the floor and Cole is on him in an instant, both of them a tangle of fur and teeth and hatred. "Cole!" you shout, not entirely sure which form is his anymore, both are so covered in blood. Neither wolf acknowledges you, too wrapped up in trying to kill the other that your words fall on deaf ears. The rip of fur and wet crunch of fangs into flesh makes your skin crawl, but you have to try again or your friend is going to die.

"COLE!" You scream, plunging into the fray to try and tear the two apart and nearly losing a hand in the process.

William bites at your arm, missing by a few hairs, but giving Cole the opening he needs the knock William to the ground, where he doesn't move to standing.

Like a sign from above, the world is suddenly awash in flashing red and blue lights, and the wail of police sirens fill the air.

Cole growls at his father, a deep, guttural noise and it's almost like William shrinks away from it.

You collapse to your uncle's side as the men start to transform back into their human bodies. You search frantically for signs of life until you catch the near imperceptible rise and fall of your uncle's chest. The pool of blood at his feet is even bigger than before, but he's breathing. You made it. You all made it.

As the paramedics and police fill the room, the world turns hazy at the edges and you're finally allowed the space to process that you're sitting in a puddle of your own blood, but you're safe. You're all going to be okay. You start to cry.

Epilogue

A jury of eighteen only needed three hours to unanimously decide that William Ackerman will rot in jail for the rest of his miserable life.

Somehow, the werewolf secret is kept secret, even the first responders and the defense lawyer hadn't picked up on it. It was never brought up in court, and William made no moves to reveal himself.

You only need a handful of stitches for your leg, and wrapping it in gauze before every shower is annoying, and it hurts when you move too fast, but you're glad to just have all your limbs intact. Cole had three broken ribs and needed a blood transfusion and several of his nails had been torn, but he's alive. He's alive, and he's free of his horrible father.

The moment you're able, you go to the hospital and directly to your uncle. When he sees you and your mom in the doorway, he waves with his good arm, the one that's not immobilized. "You made it!"

His words are slurred, and the whiteboard on the wall tells you that they'd administered a hefty dose of pain medication about an hour ago. Arm broken in three places, half his ribs cracked, a broken nose and all manner of bruising, he's lucky to be alive. The swelling in his face has gone down, but he's still purple and blue all over. "How ya doin', kiddo?"

You rub the back of your neck. "I'm grounded for a month for taking the car, but at least my wardens are nice."

Your mom wraps a protective arm over your shoulder.

"As for Cole," she continues for you, "He's under house arrest and has court orders for a full psych eval.-- I know, I know, but he's not a minor like we thought. He thought he was only fifteen, did you know that? He's closer to nineteen or twenty."

You share a glance with your uncle, and he blows a low note through his lips. "Jesus, I'm glad we got him out. What happens now?"

"Frankly, he's going to need a lot of therapy. But he's tough, just like this one," she pats your shoulder. "Does the same stupid things, too," she adds, but there's no malice to it.

You and Mom stay another hour catching your uncle up on the trial and the results. He promises to let you see whatever renovations they'll be doing on the cabin before your last semester of school, and promises that Cole will always have a place to sleep there. It's a comfort that, as you leave, you know this happened because of you, that your family is alive because of your actions.

Watching the sunset from your roof always makes you feel like you're in some kind of coming-of-age movie, and today that feeling has increased tenfold. The Sun paints every roof in purples and oranges, the sky a beautiful combination of nighttime stars and the final rays of the day.

It's only after you tuck your knees to your chest and sigh heavily that a voice from down below calls out, "You okay?"

Cole is standing on the ground, looking the same save for a heavy gauze bandage around his forearm. Before you can answer, he jumps impossibly high and uses his good arm to climb onto the roof, and he sits next to you, mimicking your posture.

He looks exhausted. There's dark circles under his eyes and his skin is swallow.

"I'm okay," you say, looking back out to the sunset. "Aren't you supposed to be at home?"

He shifts uncomfortably. "I couldn't stay there, it all smells like my father."

You carefully grab his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. "I'm sorry. You can stay here, I'm sure my mom and dad won't mind."

Cole shakes his head sadly. "No, I have to go back to talk to their doctor. Maybe she can figure out what's wrong with me."

Then he laughs. The noise is raspy, but it's there, and you're so glad to hear it. You join in, sharing the joke as you bump Cole's shoulder with your own.

Things aren't perfect, not yet, but you've got your family, old and new on your side now. With their support, you know you can conquer anything.

#my writing #into the woods #blood.#Blood mention.#This is the boost I need to start posting again #I really wanted to finish this before I started Blood and Bourbon

8 notes · View notes

lantur · 8 months

Text

tw cancer,

I've been very intentional about being Busy at work and socially and with hobbies since early May. Recently this week, I've had a work project that needs to be done, but is not as mentally taxing as most of my work, so my mind wanders while I do it. I keep thinking about my dad and how he died.

I wrote on here earlier in summer that I couldn't come to terms with - not the fact that he died, but HOW he died. He always liked to be active, working in the garden. Cancer took everything from him. It took his ability to walk, to get out of bed, to sit up, even. It took his ability to eat or drink. It took his peace of mind, as he suffered terribly from the pain, literally crying and begging God to let him die. It took his ability to speak.

He died one of the worst deaths I can imagine. It was the worst thing I've ever seen. And I just can't come to terms with it.

I don't wish he was alive - it was his time to go, I guess. But god, I wish he had died differently. I wish it was fast. I wish he didn't have to suffer, and that my mom and I hadn't had to see it.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - it was torture, literal, mental, torture, to watch that happen to someone I loved. I live with the constant fear of seeing that slow but fast utter terrible decline happen again to my mom and to my parents-in-law. I can't bear the thought. I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder all the time for the reaper.

I try to live a good life and I am surrounded by the love of my husband, friends, family, cat, and I'm in therapy, but I'm still carrying the mental trauma and scars of seeing that happen to my parent. No one should have to see this happen to their family. No one. And yet, so many of us do.

I try to keep my mind occupied as much as I can, but inevitably my thoughts drift back to what happened. I still dream about my dad's death regularly. I did last night.

It hurts to live with this pain and try to maintain a normal life and just go on after that happened. And I end up crying in the middle of the workday and posting on Tumblr in hopes that expressing my feelings will give me some peace, before I get back to work for my afternoon meetings.

#lanturing

25 notes · View notes

aki-draws-things · 8 months

Text

@oh-surprise-its-me

Yes, I wrote on a bus during all the unholy hours my ass had been sitting there, but it's not checked enough to go on ao3, I'll check and fix it (and expand it) when I'm back.

But, the accident. And a bit of the aftermath.

Summary: Ice calls goose I'm the aftermath of the worst accident ever.

(The accident is foreshadowing what will happen again. With a very different outcome)

When Goose arrived at the base hospital, Slider is still in surgery. Iceman looks pale. No, scratch that. He's ghostly white, drenched. He didn't even get out of his flight suit.

He looked ready to throw up, and something told Goose it wouldn't be the first time.

"I'm here." He said, his voice soft, a whisper as he stepped closer to Iceman as he brushed his fingers on his hunched shoulders. "Ice, I'm here."

"Gone." Ice muttered, it sounds choked, barely human. "He's gone, goose. He's gone."

Goose frowned, his hand hovering by his shoulders. What the hell? No, Slider was in surgery, not gone. He opened his mouth to speak, but Ice stopped him. Ice looked up, eyes red, and glassy, tear streaks down his cheeks, and a bruise on the side of his face, he tries not to move his left shoulder too much either.

"Got us out of the water. In the chopper. Gone." His words are fragmented, and suddenly Goose understood.

"Fuck." He breathed out, slowly. He sat down next to Iceman and held his head in his hands, pulling at his hair. "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He's gonna be alright."

Because let's be honest, what else could he say at this point? Ice just told him that one of his closest friends died.

"Fucking hell. How?"

It takes Goose almost 30 minutes before actually asking. It takes at least one more hour before Ice can force words out of his mouth.

"Dunno... our Cat went down in flames. There was smoke and heat everywhere, I-- I dunno. I couldn't reach ejection, Ron pulled it for me."

Goose sucked in a breath. Damn, he knew how loyal Slider was, he flew with him before, when Slider trained as a pilot and Goose was his Rio. They didn't work out, Slider wasn't cut to be a pilot, Slider was dangerous and unpredictable.

Goose felt like a hypocrite, flying with Maverick, but they didn't know Maverick. (Mav was everything Slider had been at his age. The one big difference was that Goose was older now. It wasn't Slider's fault like he had painted at the time. And maybe he missed the chance to tell him so.)

Slider was loyal to a fault.

"Too much smoke, you know? I think I was losing consciousness. Next thing I know, I'm in the air, and I see Ronnie's chute a little further from me. But he's hanging there like a broken doll."

Once Iceman started, he could not stop anymore. Goose could see his eyes becoming distant, lost in the midst of what happened barely hours before.

"We're in the water. He doesn't move. I swim over to him. I held him, you know? The way I hold him all the time."

Goose knew what he means, he saw the way they held in each other.

"He was in my arms. There was blood all over his face, in the water, and his helmet cracked. He hit the canopy, somehow. Because--" Ice's breath itched in his throat and goose wanted to reach out and hold him. It's not his job--

"Cause he got me out first, and he wasted time."

"He saved you. It's not a waste of time."

"He got me out and wasted the momentum to eject himself safely." He repeated, his voice low and choked.

Goose closed his eyes and prayed not to hear anything else. He knows, he can guess what's about to come, and he's not sure he could take it. but Iceman needed to get it out.

Iceman pressed his fingers on his neck, Slider's head was reclined against his shoulder, and the chopper can't get to them fast enough. Ice's fingers dig into the skin and feel-- nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Silence.

He pressed deeper, it would leave a bruise, maybe, but he needed to hear it, the soft thumping under his--

It's not there. No gentle thud.

Silence.

There's no warm exhale against his cheek when Ron breathed. because there was no breath left in his body.

"Let me take him."

No. No, no-- he doesn't want to let go.

"Sir, let me take him."

He wants his Ron back. He needs him back. Ron's gone because he was such a poor excuse of a pilot and couldn't even elect himself.

"I need you to let him go, sir. We can't lift him if you hold him like that."

He let go just a tiny little bit, and they lift Ron's broken body away from him.

Gone. His Ronnie is--

He throws up in the water.

When he finally is lifted out of the water and into the chopper too, they have cut open his flightsuit. They're pushing down his chest with so much strength that he's sure he will bruise and even break something.

Who cared, after all? Ron was gone anyway.

They force air into his lungs.

Tom never saw him lay so still in all the years he had known Ron. He did see him in a hospital bed his fair share of times because apparently living outside a home for a couple of months and still going to school like nothing happened, can easily end up with a nasty cold and persistent cough. And that could easily turn into pneumonia. And Tom would wake up in the dead of the night to Ron wheezing in ways he was not supposed to.

But this was different. Ron was unnaturally still. Or moving, that depended on how Tom would see things.

He was gone.

He was dead.

He was dead under their expert hands as they tried to get him back. As they worked so hard, so fucking hard for his heart to beat again. Tom swears that if Ron died, so would he. He couldn't imagine a life where Ron is not right beside him. He would never be able to fly, ever again.

It doesn't look like a good rhythm when the monitor shows a tiny change, but it's a rhythm nevertheless. Well, kind of.

"They said so many things. Things I don't understand. Things I forgot. All I know was that his heart stopped. He wasn't breathing, even as we arrived here, he wasn't. And his skull was fractured."

Goose felt sick. Iceman wasn't even blinking anymore, he realized, he was staring blankly, unemotional.

Ice cold.

Slider survived.

He remained in a coma for an unholy time, Ice remained right at his side. He pleaded.

He prayed.

Goose never saw him pray. Goose didn't even know he was religious.

Ice himself didn't know who he was praying to. He just was praying.

Goose took out the small cross he always carried around his neck, the one his mother gave him, he gave it to Ice without a word. He had the one Carole gave him. Right now, Ice needed it more.

"Slider! How are you doing man? I thought you wanted to be a pilot. What happened?"

Goose was smiling, goose was, maybe, just a bit intoxicated, not too much just a little.

Slider's smile was strained, he tried to sound casual, he tried not to say that Goose knew exactly what the fuck happened. Still, he smiled.

"So, flying with the Iceman, mh?"

"It's Mr. Iceman to you."

Ice was, perhaps, a little intoxicated too, if the way he leaned on Ron's shoulders said anything. But Goose knew a different reason for him leaning so close, a very different reason why Ice's fingers carded through his hair on the back of his head.

Goose knew there was a scar there, where his head cracked open.

Goose knew Slider was a miracle in two feet.

It was a miracle he survived. (He almost didn't.)

It was a miracle he woke up.

It was a miracle he recovered to the point he was allowed back into an F-14.

Ron was a miracle himself, Goose is not sure how, but he's so damn happy it went this way.

Goose knew he waited one instant too long.

Goose knows that is the last thing he will ever know. but he sees Mav, and Mav is safe.

Suddenly, he understood Slider.

That's the last thing he knows.

The papers felt heavy in Mav's hands as his eyes scanned through them thoughtfully.

For a moment, he thought Tom mistakenly gave him Goose's medical papers. Everything, well, most of it, matches terrifyingly. The injury, injuries, multiple. The accident. His head struck the canopy. There's a small, black-and-white picture of a cracked helmet, Tom had the decency to remove every other picture describing the injuries. (Tom removed more than just a few pictures. He squeezed a piece of paper in his hand so much that he almost tears it. Maverick doesn't need to know.)

Mav is still half convinced he's reading the report from goos--- Roland Yaakov Kerner. "Slider".

"If you want to go to Texas now--"

"No... they need time alone. They deserve it." A beat, Tom inhales sharply, his hands still shaking. "Don't talk about that. To no one. Chris must never know. Deal?"

Mav nods.

"Deal."

#ron slider kerner #tom iceman kazansky #nick goose bradshaw #pete maverick mitchell #pete mitchell x tom kazansky #mention of chris seresin #ron slider kerner x chris seresin #character death (yes its goose sorry)#temporary character death #the one accident I keep saying ill write #finally written #thays part of the #slider is Jake's dad au #ask me more about this...#though i mostly poke at the angsty bits #top gun #top gun 86 #aki writes

25 notes · View notes

schizopositivity · 1 year

Note

Hey so like

The only times I've ever really heard people talk about schizophrenia being hard is how others are affected by it, how it's "creepy/bad/evil/scary", etc

Can you talk about the stuff that's been really difficult for you in your personal experience without it just being through the lens of how it affects others?

Thank you :)

this is gonna be a long one cause schizophrenia is very complex so im gonna break it down by symptoms and how it affects me

TW: demon, self harm, suicide attempts, csa/sa mention, death mention, delusions

•hallucinations: these were at their worst when i wasnt on antipsychotics when i was a teenager, would see little monsters running around that made me really afraid and question reality. but what i most commonly saw/felt/heard wad this demon thing that was sorta representive of a grim reaper. it would tell me that self harming would help me and i listened. it made me really scared and sad all the time. this went on for about a year and i didnt tell anyone. it had a grip on my shoulders and followed me around all the time. i cant stress enough how scared it made me. sometimes it would get loud and id panic and black out, and then get "woken up" by my mom shed find me hiding and shaking under a table. it told me i had to end my own life and i attempted twice, one of the times required hospitalization and after a psych ward (which finally got me on the antipsychotics i needed). since then the hallucinations have calmed down and i dont see the demon anymore but i do hear similar things, now i just try my best to ignore it. its more annoying than scary. like feeling a poke on my shoulder at work and having to not react cause the stigma of showing symptoms. or like seeing scary faces in everyday things and just being like "huh weird" or hearing very mean or threatening things and thinking "thats obviously not actually what im thinking, id never do something like that", hallucinations still suprise me all the time especially the first few seconds of it, but now i have the experience where i can ignore it after that

•delusions: the biggest delusion i have that i still have to this day is very much influenced by my trauma of being the victim of csa and sa literally too many times to count, i truly believe that i was made to be abused and it will happen for the rest of my life, no matter what people tell me i always will not fully trust people and think they will abuse me at any moment, when people look at me i think they are planning how to abuse me, this is such a deeply held belief and it causes me anxiety and triggers my cptsd. it makes me feel very exposed and inhuman like a piece of meat it sucks. some other delusions ive had are that im the reincarnation of kurt cobain and that im gonna be rich and famous with no plans on how to make that happen. these felt good when i was in them and horrible when i snapped out of it. i kinda miss them.

•avolition: i struggle with this a lot. i have to be told to do tasks otherwise i dont do them. i never know when or how to do daily tasks. even if i can recognize that something has to be done i have no clue what steps to take to complete that task. like when i was the only one running the nursery at a spiritual center and id see kids crying id think "someone should do something about that" even though its me that has to do something. i struggle to maintain personal hygeine, do house chores or take care of my cats. if im not directly told to do it ill just let it fester. i do well at my job because im always told exactly what to do and how to do it. this symptom makes me feel lazy, childish and stupid. because of this i dont think ill ever be able to live on my own. i am dependent on other people to show or tell me what to do to take care of myself, my house and my cats.

•flat affect: this symptom makes me feel broken. like when my favorite grandpa died and i couldnt cry. it made me question my love for him. im constantly questioning my own feelings (even though im feeling them) just because my face and voice dont match what im feeling. ive fully thought that im unfeeling or unhuman because of this. i also get accused of lying a lot because of my flat affect. and i hate being accused of lying cause when i defend myself they dont believe me and there no winning.

•anhedonia: this really sucks. i used to really love doing art and playing guitar and now it feels like a chore. this is loss of pleasure in things that used to make you happy. it just makes me sad and feel like theres nothing i can do to change it. this makes me feel hopeless and useless.

•memory loss: i forgot most of what happened this year like valentines day with my partner (my first valentines day with a partner), my birthday, my partners birthday, my friends birthdays, i forgot them all and i feel like a terrible person because of it. this makes me feel dumb and careless. but i do care so much but i just cant remember so much important events. this also shows itself in smaller ways, forgetting what ive said to people, forgetting what ive bought, forgetting the last sentance ive read in a book so often that it makes reading nearly impossible.

•prosopagnosia: i cant recognize faces and mix them up often. this shows itself most with celebreties i constantly mix them up or think two different people are one person. i also dont always recognize my own face and i feel like a stranger to myself.

•consintration issues: i have a lot of trouble consintrating on things unless they are intresting to me, which because of anhedonia is not much. its hard for me to hold conversations with people and stay in focus. i feel like a terrible person when im not able to focus or remember what people have said.

•thinking issues: i have trouble thinking clearly a lot. its either i have too many thoughts at the same time, or my thoughts feel slow or empty. this makes me feel stupid.

•speach issues: i have trouble talking a lot of time. ill think im responding but im silent. it makes me feel mean and careless. when i do talk its usually short sentances. i very rarley actually talk a lot even to people im close to.

•fatigue/impaired motor function: i need so much rest in between activities just to function. i feel lazy a lot of the time. i also sometimes have trouble with normal motor function like sometimes when im walking it turns shaky and uncoordinated.

•amnesia: this showed itself most before i was on antiosychotics, when id black out often and find myself hiding under something. now it doesnt show up as much. this makes me feel confused and unaware of what i was doing or how i was acting when i was blacked out.

•isolation/social withdrawl: this showed itself more before i was on antipsychotics. i believed that everyone i knew was plotting against me and i had to be alone to stay safe. i now know thats not true but i still struggle to keep in touch with friends and family. most of the time ill see a text and completely forget to reply and people think im ignoring them. this once again makes me feel careless and mean. i really do care about the people in my life but i just have trouble staying connected.

theres probably more that i forgot but this is what comes off the top of my head. most of the struggles of schizophrenia affect me and not other people.

#answered #mental illness #nd #neurodivergent #schizophrenia #schizophrenic #psychosis #actuallyschizophrenic #mental health awareness #pseriouslypsychotic

73 notes · View notes

hikari-drkspc · 1 year

Text

❅ “A Single Flower In A Field Of Grass” ❅

character: yandere! dabi [boku no hero academia]

warning: a bit of b0dy h0rror, k1dnapping ; MINOR/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 1.2k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3

You have always been popular among the guys. Whether it’s from work or from when you walk on the streets. You’re just so beautiful, you see.

You’re not dense or anything so you’re completely aware of the attention you’re receiving. Ever since your school days, you’ve always received love confessions from the guys. And each time, you would reject them. You weren’t interested in engaging in any romantic relationship. If possible, you don’t really want to get married to anyone on that matter. All you wanna do in life is get over it with a decent job that gives decent pay, grow old, and pet your cat all the while.

You’re a natural-born beauty so it’s not like you wear anything to have such gorgeous features. In fact, you could wake up in the worst way possible and you’ll still look beautiful. Even though you’re pretty famous for rejecting any love confessions and turning down anyone who invited you to a date, there’s always those persistent type of guys that don’t know when to give up. You either just have to ignore them or give them a piece of your mind if they went overboard.

Even so, you’ve never been stalked or anything. You’re very, and I mean, VERY, sensitive to your surroundings. Your admirers knew this and they never risked following or stalking you if they want to live their life without getting caught by the police.

Which is also why he was able to catch you off guard.

You never wanted to earn his attention whatsoever. It never even occurred to you to do such things. But unintentionally, his interest seemed to spark from one question.

Why’s a beautiful flower like you got surrounded by so many disgusting flies?

He had to keep you away from them. It’s the only right thing to do. He had to have you all to himself. You belong to only him. He needed you.

~~**~~

Today couldn’t be any worse. Recently, several members of your guy colleagues went missing. And today, the police just happened to find those missing persons. That is, their corpses.

You were shocked beyond words. It seems impossible for several numbers of people from your office that went missing are now found together. Dead.

It’s hard to accept the reality. After work, you and all of your friends decided to pay a visit to their graves. You got home much later that day. It was getting pretty dark so you quicken your steps. All you wanted was just to get home safely. After what had happened to your colleagues, your sense of danger seems to have built up greatly.

You were about to reach your home when you saw something out of the corner of your eyes. Something moving in the dark alley. Your instinct tells you to quickly get the heck out of there but just as you were about to run, a faint soft voice caught your attention.

“….elp……"

Someone asking for help. Your blood ran cold. Someone is probably in pain there. You were the only one near the place so if you didn’t do something….what would’ve happened to that person?

Your fingers fumble around the inside of your handbag to search for your phone. You quickly call the hero support line to ask for assistance.

After the call had ended, your phone’s battery ran out and it automatically died. You tried to brave yourself and check out the alley. A sharp breath escaped your lips when you saw the sight in front of you.

It was one of your male coworkers. The feelings of fear completely left your body and great concern and worry filled your whole body.

"Steve?!”

You quickly make your way to your injured colleague to check if he was alright. He doesn’t seem to be conscious. You try to inspect him closely despite the darkness.

As you squint your eyes to look at him, you noticed a burning smell coming from him. You remembered that you had a mini flashlight in your handbag and pulled it out. You cautiously clicked the switch on and pointed it at him.

Upon seeing his condition, you let out a loud scream and let go of the flashlight you were holding.

His body is completely burned. His skin is nowhere to be seen and the blackish-red colour took up his whole body. He also doesn’t have any clothes on, obviously has been burned alongside him.

The smell of the burnt flesh sickens you and your stomach churned. Your trembling legs tried its best to help you stand. You need to get away from there. And fast.

“Whoa there, where do you think you’re going, missy?”

A male voice appears behind you, making you freeze in your place. You felt like you’re not supposed to look back to the owner of the voice, but your head moves on its own and looks back.

Your eyes widened, fully knowing who it is you’re facing, and most likely the culprit for the murder of Steve.

Dabi. One of the members of the League of Villains. You’ve seen him several times on the news and heck, he’s easy to recognize too, what’s with his extraordinary features on his face and all.

The heroes seem to take their sweet time getting to your location. You silently pray they arrive fast before anything happens. Although part of you seems to already accept your fate.

“Don’t look so scared. I don’t bite….unless you want me to.”

He playfully says with a smirk as he leisurely strides towards you. Your legs had long given up and you’re left cowering before him.

Dabi crouches down beside you and closes the distance between you both. You flinch at how close his face is to yours and quickly shut close your eyes, as if by doing so will make him go away.

“Y/N, loosen up a bit. You’re too tense, babe.”

You could hear him snicker as he said this. One of his hands reaches out and cupped your cheeks.

Your heart sank. How the hell does he know your name? And who does he think is, calling you babe like you’re his lover or something. At this point, you feel like breaking down and crying. There’s only so much you can handle after all. Coming face-to-face with a villain, furthermore from the infamous League himself….this couldn’t be any worse.

“You know, from when I first saw you, I always thought it was odd. Why is it that…a beautiful flower like you, got surrounded by so many disgusting, pesky flies? It’s not as if you’re a disgusting pile of trash to make them attracted to you. No… you’re far from that. Even so, those idiotic flies still dreamed of getting a chance at you. It ticked me off.”

He points behind you, towards Steve. At this point, you’ve already somehow put two and two together. He killed Steve, and possibly the other of your colleagues that has been found dead too…all because he was interested in you?

“I guess you already knew what I was getting at by now, right?”

Dabi’s smirk grows wider as he pulls you closer and covers your nose with a piece of clothing. It all happened so fast that you barely had any time to react at all.

Before you knew it, your consciousness slowly slipped away and the last thing that you heard before your vision completely blacked out was Dabi’s husky voice, whispering into your ears.

“Don’t worry, love. You’ll learn to love me in no time at all.”

#tw: yandere #bnha yandere #bnha yandere x reader #bnha dabi #bnha yandere dabi #bnha yandere dabi x reader #bnha dabi x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia

22 notes · View notes

jonquilyst · 2 months

Text

My Perception of Pet Mortality

Not sims related, but I felt compelled to share.

Today my brother and I discussed pet mortality today, so I wanted to share the advice I shared with him about pet mortality in case if you have a pet (and especially if you've lost a pet in the past)

This is Shaggy, my beloved childhood cat. He died in 2020 at the age of 11 from kidney failure. To quickly describe the cat he was, he was an intelligent, though grumpy indoor-outdoor boi who patrolled the neighborhood block and was an affluent hunter. He frequently brought home live birds and bunnies to our deck to give us a lovely execution show before he would devour his treat.

He was such a good hunter that the bunny population in our neighborhood bottlenecked and did not return until last year (3 years after his passing).

10 months after Shaggy died, we rescued a kitten named Oskar, who has been with us ever since.

Now, introducing my very own cat, Lacey. She's a kitten in this picture but she will be 5 years old next month. My brother asked me today if when Lacey eventually dies, I would adopt another cat.

My answer was yes.

He asked me if I would adopt the cat so I could replace Lacey.

I said no.

He then asked me why I would adopt another cat if I wasn't intending on replacing her, especially since we had adopted Oskar after Shaggy died.

This is what I told him (though fumbling on my words trying to get my point across):

Pet mortality is a very sad thing, yes. It is the worst to lose a pet, but I think there's a very good reason why pets only serve a fraction of our lifetimes and this is why:

When we lose a pet, our animal-loving hearts tend to open up to loving new animals. Of course, it'll take some time to grieve the loss of the departed pet, but more often than not, we adopt a new animal.

Why do we do this? Is it because we're "replacing" the lost pet?

Most often times, no. The reason why is because the animal being adopted is an entirely new being, with a different personality and quirks and habits that's totally different from the lost pet.

Pets only live for so long so us humans can love as many animals as possible. Again, it's sad, yes, but I stand by the quote: "they may not have lasted all of your life, but you lasted all of theirs." There's something so beautiful about being there for an animal for the duration of its life, even if you adopted the animal later in its life, and especially when it comes to touching the lives of many animals over the course of your own human life.

Point being, when you adopt a pet after the loss of a previous one, you are not replacing them. Rather, you are opening your heart to a new being who will enrich your life in a brand new way. You will never have an animal that's exactly like the one you lost again, so it's very much worth remembering them.

I told my brother that even though it's been 4 years since Shaggy died, we still talk about him, reminisce about him, laugh about him, remember him. His urn containing his ashes and a cast of his pawprint still remain on our fireplace mantle. I told him that the fact that we still continue to remember him, that Shaggy impacted us in this way, is proof that we never replaced him.

Our new cat Oskar is simply a new addition to our family.

So, when my Lacey eventually passes (hopefully not for a long long time, but Ik it will happen), I will adopt a new cat, because I want to keep loving cats for as long as I live. Humans impact cats and cats impact humans in such a beautiful and powerful way that I want to continue extending my impact to new felines who will live alongside me, and so that they can impact me in the same way, even if they might not last the entirety of my life.

Pets are family forever.

#txt #nonsims #hope this helps someone... i managed to change my brother's perspective about pet mortality which I feel happy about

5 notes · View notes

an-enigmatic-mind · 8 months

Text

Essay for VMCAS

A team rejoiced that a fractious kitty is back to his old ways, because they know he's feeling better. A Doctor, seeing a family in pain because they couldn't afford treatment, just couldn't stand by and let the terrible come. She chose to pay hundreds out-of-pocket, so the family can love their dog longer. A puppy died; gets brought back to life because a nurse and a doctor wouldn't quit. The week after, on a recheck it is as spry as any puppy could be. A fearful dog listens to my sooth and trusts me to keep her safe as treatments occur. A parent is shocked that a cat licked churu off my finger. "She's never done that before." One of the best things I ever did with my life happened before I ever stepped foot in veterinary medicine, but long after I knew it was what I wanted to do with my life. A friend and I saw a stray kitten, congested, with an eye, glued shut with mucus - what I now know to have likely been a severe URI. We took this kitten to his place, gave it a bath and began searching for someone who could adopt it and afford a Vet. A few weeks later, Fortuna, or “Tuna” for short, was able to keep the eye and was living a happy life. I noticed a mammary mass on a dog 2 years into my first hospital that was missed on the physical; the next week the mass was removed, and from then on no one could stop me checking my patients. During the worst of covid, a pair of kitties came to the hospital to board; Atticus and Romeo; Atticus was my favorite kitty. The carriers were labeled wrong, and I knew Atticus was a kitty with severe heart disease, who needed atenolol and Romeo was a healthy kitty. I insisted on the fact, leading to the parent being called and confirming I was right. I didn’t care about being right, I didn’t want the mistake to cost a life, possibly two.

I do not have one singular defining moment that led me to want to be in veterinary medicine. I have known for a long time that I want to be a Doctor, and I have recurring moments that reassure and reaffirm me through doubt that this is my field. I am simply finding my way to the position where I can do the best for it. I still second guess myself constantly. I wonder if I’m cut out for it, but not once have I been able to picture myself anywhere else. I spent a year in a hospital, full of employees sick with compassion fatigue and I couldn’t give in. I advocated the way I must. It is easy to feel unappreciated in a field where the patients you aim to heal, fear you, and the pet-parents you're trying to help think you're money hungry; and the majority of the employees aren't paid what they should be; and yet, I want to continue doing this. I want to continue helping. I want to continue reminding people why we chose to join this field. I want to give hope to the people who share my dream and are having an arduous path to it the way I am. You, Reader, didn't step into this field for any other reason than animals and/or the good people that help them. We're a lovely bunch, aren't we?

#Vetmed

7 notes · View notes

onlyonewoman · 2 months

Text

One good thing about getting older and having grown up partly without the Internet - and certainly without the extent of social media we have now - is that you could watch and read stuff with flawed characters without immediately jumping to the conclusion that:

The creators thought the bad traits of a character were morally good.

You should equate shitty behavior from a fictional character with a prompt to act like that yourself or excuse that shitty behavior in others in real life.

You should police and shame other people's personal preferences in media consumption publically, like a fucking HSA during the satanic panic, only ramped up like a squirrel on speed.

I have no problem with content that is clear about consent and who's good or bad, sometimes that take fits the story and characters well. A clear "this good, that bad" story is like comfort food or following a nice evening routine.

It serves our need to stay grounded and relax, which is very important, especially in a world where we're exposed to more daily impressions and personal choices than ever before in history.

I wish more young people kept in mind that ONE of the reasons why we're stressed, distracted and easily feel alone and/or watched, is that the consumation of literture, movies, tv shows, music etc. now almost never is a solo experience, which in turn robs us of some of the joy.

What I'm trying to say is that while it's good to reckognize shitty behavior in fictional characters - kudos to you youngsters who discover it earlier than we did - it doesn't make the one reading/watching/listening to a promoter of sexual assault, murder, gas lighting, bad sterotypes, shitty friends, non-existing communication etc.

Like, the worst "crime" I've committed is getting absurdly high library fines due to forgetting to return books in time. My worst behavior includes yelling in complete frustration and possibly tossing my own possessions around - which happens like once every five years. (Thanks emotion regulating meds!)

I'm a trusted animal caretaker and sometimes supervisor for minors. I'm on the organ donor list, I do volontary work, loves Studio Ghibli movies and if I see a cat, I stop dead in my tracks, hoping it will grant me the honor of petting it.

I also write hardcore porn sometimes.

One of my favourite movie characters of all time, is the killer Bill in Kill Bill and the fact that David Carradine died from erotic asphyxiation only makes him hotter.

I loved Marilyn Manson as Ron Tully in Sons Of Anarchy, because the role was just small enough to leave all the room for excellent prison fanfics - and I will go to my fucking grave claiming that Jax Teller was a way worse person than Ron Tully, without claiming that Tully was in any way a good person.

I can't watch the scenes in either Casino or Goodfellas, when Joe Pesci's characters die, because while his absolutely horrendous characters definitely deserve to die, the way it happens in both cases, plays with my own fear of betrayal.

I fear that plenty of younger people have been robbed of the wonderful experience of realizing they can't despise a bad character with the same ease they could as kids.

Yes, some films, movies, books etc. are like comfort food: no resistance, no surprices, less thinking and more feeling. And we need them!

We also need the type of media that shows grim reality with an easily defined enemy, like the nazis in Schindler's List, where there's no way we can identify with the nazis, but still have to balance on the edge with Schindler, who didn't care about the Jews at first, only his business.

We need characters like the despicable yet somehow also caring Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid's Tale, who in her own twisted way cares about the women she's set to control and keep in line. I myself find it impossible to wish her dead, not because she deserves a second chance, but because her lack of cruelty just for the sake of it, has shone through enough times to reveal she might be a vital key for the good in the end.

By being exposed to morally grey characters, we learn about ourselves and what we, as human beings, are capable of in extreme circumstances, whether it's good or bad.

I believe that with the literal fear of coming across as "toxic" or a promoter of shitty behavior by loving characters with awful behavior, makes people less interested in challenging media and thus, not building up an inner understanding for and capacity to deal with bad things and shitty people in real life.

And if you find yourself in a position where you feel like you can't handle characters who can be both monsters and human beings, it's no longer a content problem, it's a YOU problem.

Maybe you're not old enough to connect with certain characters or stories. Maybe you're not in the right mindset to watch/read it right now. Maybe it's simply not something you find enjoyable at all.

All three are valid reasons to stay away from this kind of content.

What it isn't, is a reason to try and shame other people for taking a liking to it. Don't spend your 20's playing moral police online, pretending to be judge, jury and executioner for some stranger enjoying fictional criminals consentually fucking their rival criminal in chains in the basement.

We already know it's fiction, know perfectly well it's not an advertisement for healthy relationships and if YOU didn't understand that, you're simply not old and/or experienced enough to partake in that sort of content.

And if you ought to be old and mature enough to understand this, yet still get your panties in a twist when you come across, lets say, the vegaspete tag: just remember that had Scorsese wrote Kinnporsche, most of the characters aside from Porsche, would've ended up:

buried alive

shot in the neck

blown up

mutilated or, at best:

living under secret identity for the rest of their lives, on the top of the Bangkok mobster death list

Goodfellas is still one of the best movies ever made and if the young people in the 90's could go and watch it without leaving the theatre thinking "yeah, lets start money laundring, doing blow and shooting friends in the head", I'm pretty damn sure today's youth can do the same.

#moral panic #it used to be a thing for old people #morally grey characters #they are the best #fiction is not reality #it can also help us cope with reality #if you can't handle it - don't consume it #fiction is not a promotion for being an asshole #and you should KNOW that

5 notes · View notes