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sincerelymarinette · 3 years

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A Recorded Life Sequel (7/10) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words: 1533 Summary: Finally, a day off for Marinette and Adrien. To celebrate, they decide to capture it on video for their fans. Author's Note: domestic adrienette domestic adrienette domestic adrienette!!! my fave. Sorry for missing two weeks, been busy! Only 3 more chapters of the sequel (also there's a hint to the next chapter at the end of this one wink)

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Our Day Off

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Nowadays, Marinette and Adrien rarely slept in. They were constantly going with work and life, but they decided to treat themselves today by getting extra sleep. The rebrand is almost complete, meaning both Adrien and Marinette will get to breathe for a few days. The main stuff was done, like the website, displays, tags, and business cards, among other smaller things.

He was getting a little nervous, but excited, as the final day got closer. They planned a fashion show to truly ring in the new era of Agreste Fashion, now called Emilie's, with Marinette and her team's line as the first official Emilie's line. They also reworked some fan-favorite clothing to make them fit the brand better while getting rid of Gabriel's name. It was going to be an exciting day, seeing the old and the new mix together. But there were still a few weeks until that day; there was still work to be done.

However, it was Saturday, and both Marinette and Adrien decided they could have a few extra hours of sleep. Adrien rolled out of bed earlier than Marinette and went to the kitchen to start breakfast. It was nothing crazy, just some eggs, because they agreed to stop by their favorite bakery to see her parents and enjoy a well-deserved macaron. Or two.

Marinette followed him into the kitchen when she smelled the eggs, her hair still unbrushed and in her pajamas. "Smells good, Adrien," She yawned.

"I'm glad. Time for a quick breakfast so we can go see your parents," He said as he slid the plate over to her seat.

Marinette nodded and took a bite. "You know, I was thinking," She said, carefully. "I wanted to put up a video like we used to do. Maybe we could vlog our day, or at least some of it? One of our first days in a long time that we haven't been so busy with work. Heck, I don't think either of us has had a day out of the office in at least two weeks."

A big smile formed on Adrien's face. "I think that's a great idea, Mari!" He hopped up and walked to the corner of the living room that had Marinette's desk. He grabbed her camera battery off the charger, then her camera bag, and brought it back over. Marinette would have gotten it herself, but sometimes, Adrien beats her to it.

She thanked him for the camera as she got her settings flipped to the right ones, then held it up. "Hi! I'm Marinette!" She waved at the camera, with Adrien waving behind her. "I know I look like a mess right now, but on our day off, we wanted to vlog! It's been so long since I've done a video like this, so I'm excited to give you guys some insight on how we've been recently."

"I made eggs," Adrien held his place up with a big grin when Marinette paused.

"And they're lovely, thank you, Adrien," Marinette admired. He set his plate back down, clearly proud of himself.

"Well, we're going to finish breakfast, then head over to our favorite bakery in the world! I'm sure we'll check back in then," Adrien said, Marinette nodding with him, and she shut the camera off.

Marinette and Adrien finished their eggs quickly and got their morning routines done. They were out the door by eleven o'clock, which to most people meant they barely slept in, but sleeping past eight was glorious for them.

Marinette got the camera back out when they were in the car. It wasn't too far of a drive to get to her parent's, but it was just long enough that the car was needed, and she had some time to talk to her camera. "We're in the car now, and let me just say, my stomach has been aching for some sweets recently. We've been so busy we haven't had time to go get anything other than what's in our fridge or the late-night store around the corner from Emilie's," Marinette rambled.

"Well, when we get to work at six or seven in the morning, and we stay past dinner time, we don't have the time to go there, and most other places are closed when we head out," Adrien said. "Don't get me wrong, I love what we're doing, but it sure is tiring."

"Once the rebrand is done, hopefully we'll have a more normal schedule," Marinette said. "Long days, but it'll be worth it."

Adrien agreed. They continued rambling about work all the way until they parked near the bakery. It had only been a few weeks since she last saw her parents, but it was always nice to see them and talk about life, no matter how long it had been. Her parents tried to stuff them full of all kinds of sweets while listening to Marinette talk about how excited and exhausted she was about her team's line, and Adrien talked about how pleased he is with changing the brand to remember his mom. They had front row seats to the fashion show, and couldn't wait to see it all come alive.

Marinette did record some of her parents and the bakery, but they just talked most of the time. They closed for lunch, so there was all the time they needed before Marinette and Adrien had to leave; well, they didn't want the bakery to be closed for the whole day.

They ran a few errands, like grabbing a few groceries, and Marinette can never resist picking up some swatches when they pass her favorite store. They checked out a few shops that should have received the new displays and were able to see them getting set up.

What was truly special, though, was their evening. They ordered a pizza for a movie night so they could fully relax. Plagg snacked on his cheese while Tikki sat in her little bed on the table so Marinette and Adrien could finish setting up. Marinette walked over to the hidden safe in the closet and opened it, pulling out the special box. She set it on the coffee table and opened it, letting all the Kwamis out to play.

Usually, she tries to let them out at least once a week. But with them being so busy lately, it has been a lot less. The Kwamis love her and Adrien and understand; they're just excited to come out to see them and Plagg and Tikki, and they were even more excited to hear about movie night. A strange idea to their magical creatures, but they all seemed to love it all the same. Though they did miss Trixx, Pollen, and Wayzz, the rest of them knew they were having a good time with their masters, and they were able to enjoy themselves.

Marinette scrolled through the streaming services to find the perfect movie while all the Kwamis got comfortable around the couch and little pet beds. As she waited for Adrien to come back from the kitchen with pizza boxes and their drinks, she pulled out her camera for one last update to their vlog.

"Well, here we are to end the night! Adrien and I are relaxing with a movie and pizza, and it's a great way to end our first full day off. It's a nice break, but I'm excited to get back to work. Can't wait for all of you to see what we've been working on!" She said. Marinette was extra thankful that Kwamis are not visible on camera, because it would have looked crazy with all the little animals sat around her.

"I can't either!" Adrien popped in, setting the food on the table, then kissing Marinette's cheek. "This was fun; we should make more videos when we have time."

"I would love it, and I'm sure they would, too," Marinette gestured to the camera. "But that's it for today. Make sure to follow us in the description and be ready for some more videos, hopefully soon!" Marinette said, and both of them waved as she ended the recording. She would have to find time to edit it, maybe tomorrow before work.

Marinette and Adrien began digging into the pizza as she pressed play on the movie; both she and Adrien cuddled up to one another, all the Kwamis filled in around them.

As always, she was ecstatic to see some of the replies on the video. It was one of the things she missed most about not uploading as often.

I've missed these type of videos so much! I would LOVE more when you guys aren't busy!!

Seeing them happy makes me so happy. I'm so glad their lives are turning out great after everything they dealt with as teenagers

did you guys see that those guys who forced them into lb and cn got charged? DESERVED! But I'm so glad you guys are alright after that, it looks like you had a fun day

PLEASE TELL ME YOURE GOING TO RECORD ALYA AND NINOS WEDDING I CANT WAIT FOR THEM TO GET MARRIED ITS GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL

I can't wait to say I have clothes from Emilie's! Such a beautiful meaning behind the name change and I can't wait to own a Marinette design from Emilie's instead of Agreste Fashion. We knew this day would come! (I know she's been designing for them for a while, but this is different guys)

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries @toodaloo-kangaroo

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maybe-your-left · 4 years

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Cowboy Blues: Cowgirls in Kuna

A few months have gone by since you and Clyde were in the mountains and your relationship takes a turn.

TW/CW: VIOLENCE THERE IS VIOLENCE AND BLOOD IN THIS CHAPTER. I am SO SORRY BUT IT HAD TO HAPPEN. If you are uncomfortable reading about physical assault PLEASE skip this chapter.

ALSO HERE IS MY MASTERLIST incase you miss any chapters or you want to see what else I am writing! Which is usually hot garbage! :)

“Sunshine could y’ bring me some dinner?” Clyde grumbled through the phone, “I forgot t’ pack some before I left an the bar is packed tonight.”

“Of course baby,” you started rummaging through the fridge, “I’ll be there in 20 okay?”

“Okay. Thank y’.”

“You’re welcome, bye.”

It was rare for Clyde to forget food. Usually, he would steal whatever leftovers you had in your fridge, or on the rare nights you could eat together you would bring him food to the bar. After your cabin trip, you and Clyde had been ‘steady’ for about 2 months. Spending time at each other’s houses, spreading personal items in each other's space. Both of you shared house keys, and sometimes if Clyde was really lonely after work he would come to your house and sleep in until it was time for you to head to work. It was a wonderful routine, you felt so safe and secure in the rhythm. Clyde was sweet, attentive, and so loving towards you.

Not a day went by without Clyde reminding you how beautiful you were, how much he appreciated you, or how much you meant to him. Nothing else mattered to him except your happiness and that was true both ways. You enjoyed his company, and every day he taught you something new. Everything was going so well you weren’t sure what to expect next!

You climbed into the car and started towards the bar. Not really thinking about putting on a nice outfit, you wouldn’t stay too long since you worked in the morning. You had thrown together some leftover Lasagna, one of Clyde’s favorites, and some other odds and ends in case he got hungry again during his shift.

Parking at the bar you saw how packed it was, most of the cars were out of state plates. It wasn’t rare, Duck tape was off the highway so lots of people came through before checking into a motel. Walking up the steps you noticed a truck that you thought looked familiar, an old Chevy. Each piece looked like it was from a different truck, and it was covered in mud. However, the plates were from another state so you paid it no mind.

Earl greeted you at the door, “Howdy miss (Y/N), Clyde’s pretty busy tonight. Outta towners are here.”

“Well, He asked me to bring him dinner so he better make some room for me!”

He smiled and let you in, dozens of people inside. You could barely hear the jukebox playing over the loud crowds around the pool tables. You glanced around and saw groups of men circling around the few women in the bar. Most were regulars that wouldn’t take any shit from men who weren’t respectful, but you were glad that Clyde had help in case things got out of hand.

Behind the bar you saw Clyde, your big bear of a man was moving so fast filling drink orders. Next to him was Joe Bang, Mellie’s husband, barking at customers to stay off the pool felts and also handing out beers. You wondered where Mellie was, usually, she helped with the bar. Ever since Jimmy moved to be closer to his daughter, she and Joe had helped out with Duck Tape.

Walking behind the bar you placed his food in the mini-fridge, smiling at Joe when he waved at you.

“Hi baby, do you want me to help out for a little?” you placed your hand on Clyde’s back. Instantly you felt how stressed out he was, this many people around him made him nervous. Especially since most were from out of town and they liked to ask questions about his arm.

“Here y’ go,” he nodded to a customer, “Hi darlin’ sorry, it’s so busy.”

He leaned forward giving you a quick kiss before rushing out from behind the bar, barking at some young kid that thought it was a good idea to throw a pool cue. You stood there watching Clyde escort the gentlemen and his friends out of the bar, saying that they needed to respect the property and whatnot. Sighing you turned back around and started taking simple orders, not being a bartender you just knew how to get people beers and that stuff. Besides, it looked like a beer-drinking crowd.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” a voice called over the bar.

You instantly froze, you knew that voice. It had been a while, but the voice was familiar.

“You left me to become a barmaid? Pathetic,” they called again, “Even for you.”

Whipping around you stared at the cold dead eyes of your ex, Josh. Sitting at the bar, about 4 empty beers in front of him as he nursed his 5th.

“Excuse me?” you croaked out. You had to do a double-take, there was no way that Josh was here, how could he know where you were? You had changed your phone number, even gotten a new car, and you were sure you didn’t allow your vet clinic to post your picture on their website in case he went snooping.

You turned slightly towards Clyde, unsure if you should call out to him or not. Although the two of you had been together for a couple months, you hadn’t told him everything about your past. Especially leaving out the parts where your ex used to beat you senseless, or how you ran so far your feet bled just so you could get away from him.

Josh must’ve seen you look at him and he started laughing, “Oh and now you’re dating a cripple? What kinda man is that?” He chugged his beer, “Fuckin’ disrespectful is what you are. Leaving me and now, here is where I find you?”

You couldn’t speak, afraid of screaming in front of everyone. You tried to get closer to Joe but he was too busy dealing with other customers to even pay you any attention and unfortunately you could hear Clyde by the front laughing with Earl about something.

“What? You not gonna talk?”

Looking around the room you tried to see anything you could defend yourself with. You didn’t think Josh was stupid enough to do anything in front of everyone but you couldn’t be too sure. Spying Clyde’s office in the distance you started scooting away from the bar.

Once you were about a body length away from Josh, never breaking eye contact, you sprinted. Pushing around the bar and through patrons, tears streaming down your cheeks. Thank god the bar was full or else people would’ve heard your sobs. Unfortunately, Josh had other plans, whipping around and grabbing your wrist.

“You gonna fuckin’ run again?!” He had you pinned to a table, his sweaty hand was pressing your cheek to the wood. You were full-on crying now, the entire bar silent and staring at the encounter between you and the ‘stranger’.

“Please let go of me, Josh,” you whispered.

He pressed you down harder, your arm pinned behind your back. You felt like it was going to break and he had you in a cobra grip. “No, you don’t get to talk after what you did to me!”

He lifted you off the table and suddenly you were thrown towards the bar, slamming into the stools. Crying into your arms, pleading for someone to help you. You looked through your hands, sure that Josh was about to kick you in the face when suddenly he was taken down by a large figure.

In one fluid motion, Josh was on the floor knocked out cold. Blood seeping from his nose and mouth. You closed your eyes in fear as the boots came closer to you, above you, you heard his voice, “Joe get the fuckin’ police down here. Have em pick up this deadbeat.”

Clyde.

Of course, it was Clyde. He must’ve heard the commotion from outside and came in when Josh threw you. You sobbed even harder into your arms, acutely aware that you may have broken your wrist when you landed.

You were scooped in the air, cuddled into Clyde’s chest as you cried. You didn’t dare move, paralyzed from what just happened.

“I’m takin’ her t’ the hospital. Lock up after the police leave,” Clyde growled at Joe.

“Sounds good big boy.”

Wrapping your legs around his waist and arms around his neck you cried into Clyde’s neck. Shaking from shock, every movement was shooting pain through your wrist but you didn’t want to be put down. Clyde was carrying you with his metal arm, secure under your ass, and he walked out of the bar towards his car.

Opening up the passenger door he gently placed you inside, securing your seatbelt and shutting the door. He walked around the car and waved goodbye to Earl who just stared at you with an open mouth. Clyde climbed in, starting the car and drove out of the parking lot. No words were shared between the two of you, all that filled the air were your hiccuped sobs followed by Clyde’s deep breaths.

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The two of you sat in the emergency room lobby for about 20 minutes, Clyde had his arm around you the whole time. Giving you small kisses on your forehead and whispering “It’s okay darlin’,” every few minutes.

Finally, the two of you were called back. Clyde quickly explained what happened to the doctor who was checking out your arm. Josh had managed to throw you against the barstools, leaving you with plenty of bruised ribs. On top of that, she assumed you did break your wrist when you landed, which meant x-rays. After going over the incident with both of you she excused herself to get the machine ready for you.

“I’m sorry Clyde,” you whispered.

“Why are y’ sorry? Y’ have nothin’ t’ be sorry bout darlin’,” he stood up in front of you. Placing his big paw on your knee, giving it a big squeeze. “Y’ don’ ever need t’ be sorry (Y/N).”

You gulped, “Is your hand okay?”

Clyde smiled at you, looking down at his knuckles which were barely bruising. “Y’ don’ need t’ worry about me. I was in the’ Army remember?”

“Oh do they train you to punch assholes in the Army?” you hiccuped.

“Sorta baby,” he kissed your forehead, “M’ sorry I was outside when he found y’. We probably wouldn’t be here if I had done my job.”

You looked up at him. His eyes were searching yours, full of honesty and love. No one had ever protected you like he had, or even taken it out of your abuser. Even when you told your ‘friends’ about Josh they didn’t believe you, saying you were overreacting. But here and now you were being cared for by a man who desperately wanted you in his life. You felt the urge to tell him how you felt, how much you loved and appreciated him at this moment.

“Miss (Y/N), the x-ray machine is ready for you!”

“Oh, okay,” you pushed Clyde away from you. Moving out of the room with the tech, bringing you to the x-ray machine. She instructed you to take off your shoes and any other metal objects. She ran through a couple of cautionary questions like ‘have you had any issues with x-rays before’ and ‘is there any chance you’re pregnant’, all the normal questions.

After about 10 minutes they escorted you back to the room where Clyde was waiting. He was sitting in one of the chairs, it was too small for his massive body. Staring down at his phone with a frown.

“What’s wrong baby?” you asked, taking a seat on the table again.

“Nothin’ just worried bout y’.”

You sighed, looking down at your wrist. It was bruising really badly. If it wasn’t for Clyde, Josh probably would’ve done much more. You met his gaze again, taking a deep breath, “Clyde. Thank you. For this and for protecting me. I know I haven’t told you a lot but it means so much to me.”

“Of course Sunshine. There’s nothing in the world that would stop me from protectin’ y’.”

You smiled, wanting to blurt out those three little words again but of course fate had other plans.

“The x-rays looked good,” your doctor burst in, “Just a small hairline fracture. Should take about a month to fully heal. We will be putting you in a cast.”

Nodding you looked over at Clyde who was sitting there with a pout on his face, “Okay that’s okay.”

“However,” she sighed and set down her paperwork, “It wouldn’t be wise for you to be getting thrown around like that anymore considering you’re pregnant.”

For the second time tonight, you froze. Pregnant? You couldn’t be pregnant, you were on the pill. Even though you and Clyde fucked like rabbits but you were really good at taking your birth control. Well pretty good, there were a couple times when you were late with taking it but that couldn’t have been the case for you getting pregnant.

“We’re pregnant?” Clyde whispered next to you.

“Yes, about 5 weeks pregnant. Came back from your urine sample earlier. I recommend getting in with a gyno here quickly since you’ll want to know if any harm has come to the baby.”

“Okay,” you whispered back at her. She went on and on about your wrist after that, wrapping it in a cast and telling you how to take care of it but everything was turning into white noise. You couldn’t get over that you were pregnant, with Clyde Logan’s baby. Both of you were awestruck at the news.

Before you left you made an appointment with the doctor she recommended for the next morning and Clyde drove the both of you to his house. Leroy greeted you at the door, following his master inside for some late-night snacks. You picked up your phone and let your office know you would be out for a couple of days, the injury and the news left you wanting some alone time with Clyde.

The both of you made it to his bedroom. You had your own drawer in it, filled with pajamas and extra work clothes in case you forgot, and your nightstand had flowers and a phone charger for you. Clyde made sure you had everything you needed whenever you stayed, saying that his house was your house. You settled on the bed, staring up at Clyde who was taking off his work clothes.

“So…” you coughed, “What uh-what do you think?”

He furrowed his brow, “Bout what?”

“About the weather,” you snapped at him, “The fuckin’ baby Clyde! What do you think about this?”

He sighed and sat down next to you, pulling off his prosthetic arm and setting it on the nightstand. “It’s not up t’ me darlin’. This is yer choice an’ I will respect yer wishes.”

You stared at him dumbfounded. You weren’t talking about that at all, you just wanted to know what his opinion on it was. Earlier today he had defended your honor, almost breaking his hand in the process, and now he was being weird about having children with you. Not like the two of you had an in-depth conversation yet, but you wanted to know what he wanted, especially since you were so close to saying the L-word earlier.

“Please,” you grabbed his hand, “Just tell me what you’re thinking.”

Clyde took in a deep breath, “I think,” he coughed, “I think yer gon’ be the most beautiful momma I’ve ever seen.”

“Clyde,” you choked.

“An’ I’m not jus sayin’ this because of it, but I love you (Y/N). I have for a while an’,” he sniffled pulling you into his arms, “I would love t’ raise a family with y’.”

You cried into his chest, “Oh Clyde, I love you too!”

Both of you held each other, crying into each other's necks. Placing deep kisses on your lips when you finally broke free, looking deep into each other’s eyes. Even though the night had started shitty, the two of you had come out the other side with wonderful news and signs of your love for one another.

“We should get to sleep, we have a busy day tomorrow,” you grinned at him, wiping the tears from both your cheeks.

“Okay sunshine,” he took a deep breath, collapsing next to you and pulling you into his chest. “I love you, it’s gonna be alright.”

“I love you too Clyde,” you sighed kissing his chest, “Goodnight baby.”

TAGLIST: @finn-ray-nal-beads @kirah36 @morby @clumsycopy @onlykyloscenes @candycanes19 @desiraypark @princss-bucky @swiss-mrs @douglasdriver @ghoulian13 @direnightshade @millenialcatlady

Poor Daddy Clyde was just tryna lay some PIPE AND HE DONE GOT US KNOCKED UP. Also, I'm sorry for the late update, this fic has a lot in it and unfortunately, I see Clyde as a family man and dad Clyde gets me WET.

#adam driver #adamdriver #Clyde logan #clyde logan x reader #kylo ren #charlie barber #flip zimmerman #phillip altman #toby grisoni #fanfic #clyde-logan

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itskimtaehyung · 5 years

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Strawberry Milk

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Friends to lovers, romance, fluff

Word Count: 5.7k

Content/Warnings: You and Taehyung “platonically” sharing a bed. You crushing Taehyung with your entire body while rollerskating. Going on a long drive and lying in a field with Taehyung while you stargaze.

Summary: Growing up, your little brother Jimin used to follow you around like a duckling. And wherever he went, so did his best friend, Taehyung. That made two ducklings. Although he was only a couple of years younger than you, you always saw him as a baby, like a second little brother. You didn’t expect that would ever change.

A/N: This was supposed to be for Tae’s birthday but I couldn’t finish it in time because time is an illusion

Strawberries, milk, sugar. Three simple ingredients. The flavors of your childhood. A foolproof combination that never failed to put a smile on your face. The nostalgic taste that brings back memories of those days at the strawberry field. The simplicity of youth.

You have known Taehyung for as long as you can remember. He was Jimin’s best friend, and still is, as a matter of fact.

As children, they went everywhere with you. You were only a couple years older, but to them, you seemed much bigger. You were the authority figure when there were no adults around. You made all the decisions. They followed you to the playground, the candy store, the ice cream parlor, and when they were old enough, they went with you to and from school. Your own friends accepted the three of you as a package. They understood that wherever you went, Jimin and Taehyung would follow.

Your favorite place to go was the strawberry field down the street from your house. It was a big open patch where the reddest, plumpest strawberries grew. You took the boys there where they could run around and play while you entertained your current hobby: be it reading, writing, or sometimes drawing. Taehyung loved it especially. Strawberries were his favorite fruit. He loved frolicking through the fragrant patch and picking the juiciest strawberries to snack on when he got hungry. At the end of the day, he would stuff some berries in his pocket and bring them back to your house, where he would mash them up with some milk and sugar to make fresh strawberry milk for all of you. These were his happiest memories.

Taehyung was more than just your brother’s best friend. You spent so much time together, it was like he was your second brother. As if you had twin baby brothers instead of just the one.

Jimin and Taehyung have always been quite similar, but also different. They both love to play sports, dance, and play video games. But Taehyung is more into superhero movies, while Jimin loves horror. You also have an inclination to horror, so your most of movie nights were supernatural thriller or gory slasher films. All of which gave Taehyung nightmares, but he put up with it because you were his best friends. Oftentimes after a horror movie, Taehyung would ask to stay in your room, and you would let him sleep on your bed while clutching one of your stuffed rabbits. And of course, Jimin joined in, too. However, as they grew older, the three of you got too big to fit on your bed, so the boys stayed together in Jimin’s room from then on. Taehyung took your rabbit with him.

For a long time, you didn’t stop seeing them as the babies they once were. From time to time, when you went to the grocery store, you would see a little boy in a puffy jacket much like the ones Taehyung and Jimin used to have, and think that boy looks a lot like my brother. But then either Jimin or Taehyung would walk up next to you and you’d remember that both of them are now much taller than you.

Before you knew it, high school came along. There was no more time for going to the strawberry patch and picking strawberries. Taehyung switched to boxed strawberry milk, which his girlfriend brought to lunch for him every day from her parents’ grocery store. It wasn’t the same, but it still made Taehyung happy.

Jimin also had a girlfriend, and they mostly kept to themselves. He still hung out with you and Taehyung after school, but weekends were always spent with her. You liked both of their girlfriends. They were nice. However, the boys preferred to spend their time alone with them, so you never really got to know them.

Although they had their own lives, they were still always there when you needed them. When your high school sweetheart dumped you, just days before graduation, Jimin and Taehyung dropped everything to comfort you. They bought snacks and rented movies and Taehyung made you some fresh strawberry milk. You immediately felt better because you were all together.

When you started university, you had to move away from home. It was the first time you three had been separated in what felt like your entire life. For the first semester, you and the boys texted almost everyday, but as time went on and you all got busier, the communication dwindled. Although, Taehyung still tried to video chat with you at least once a week. But two years later, when Taehyung and Jimin started school at the same university, the three of you got back together like you were never apart.

When Jimin and Taehyung applied to live in the dorms, they both wrote in the application that they wanted to room with each other. Unfortunately, they did not get their wish. The housing department stuck them each with a random stranger as a roommate. Although everyone filled out a survey during the application period so that they could be paired with someone with similar interests, they couldn’t be more different from the people they were assigned to live with.

Because of this, the boys like to escape their roommates and hang out together at your place, where they don’t have to share a couch and a TV with the entire floor. Since you aren’t a freshman anymore, you’re allowed to live off campus in a nearby apartment. You have your own room and just one apartment-mate, who is rarely home and spends most of her time at her boyfriend’s place.

On this particular night, Jimin got to pick which movie you guys would watch, and he chose some new interactive psychological thriller on Watchflux. Jimin’s sitting on the couch, sifting through the other options available on the streaming website and snacking on his favorite candy, while Taehyung is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him with a large basket of strawberries he bought at the market earlier today. You pour yourself a glass of milk in the kitchen and grab the bowl of popcorn you had popped and walk back into the living room, placing yourself on the couch beside your brother.

“There’s plenty of room on the couch, Tae. Why are you sitting on the floor?” you ask, popping a piece of popcorn in your mouth.

“It’s comfortable here. Plus, I don’t want to accidentally get strawberry mush on your couch.”

“So you’d rather stain the carpet?” you tease.

Taehyung frowns.

You sigh wistfully and ask, “Taehyung, how many strawberries do you think you’ve eaten? In your entire life.”

He furrows his brows, thinking. “Not sure. One million? Two million? Maybe even three million? All plausible answers.”

“You really think you’ve eaten over a million strawberries?”

“Don’t underestimate me,” he says before biting into another strawberry and flicking away the stem.

“And Jimin.” Your brother pauses with a fistful of candy halfway to his mouth. “How many gummy worms do you think you’ve eaten? You know all that sugar isn’t good for you.”

He lowers his hand. “Hey! Don’t tell me how to live my life! You’re not mom! And what about you? You really think all that milk you drink is still gonna make you grow? You’re 20 years old! You’re not gonna get any taller.” Jimin then shoves the handful into his mouth.

“You’re such a child.”

“I’m only two years younger than you!” Jimin protests, though the words are barely discernible from all the candy in his mouth.

“I practically raised you! You and Taehyungie will always be little babies in my eyes.”

Jimin swallows. “You didn’t raise us. And we’re eighteen years old! We’re not babies anymore!”

“Yeah!” Taehyung agrees.

“Whatever, you ungrateful brats. Anyway, I happen to like the taste of milk.” You pout and take a sip from your glass of milk. “Hey, put some of those in here, will you?” You thrust your glass toward Taehyung.

Reluctantly, Taehyung grabs some strawberries out of his basket, removes the stems, and smushes them between his fingers before dropping them into your milk.

“Are you all ready?” Jimin asks once the two of you are done. “I’m going to start the movie.”

You and Taehyung nod.

The movie is decently scary, even for you, and contains a fair amount of blood. By the end of it you find yourself gripping onto one of your throw pillows.

You notice that Taehyung has finished his strawberries and his fingertips are stained a bright red.

“You know, mashed up strawberries look a lot like blood.”

“Why would you say that?!” Taehyung recoils as you voice your observation.

“One time I was cutting strawberries and I hadn’t realized I cut my finger because everything was red.”

“You didn’t have to tell me that. Why would you tell me that?!” He stares down at his fingers, his eyes wide in horror.

You and Jimin laugh.

“I think, after 18 years of life, you finally made the boy hate strawberries.”

“False.” Taehyung shakes his head. “I will never hate strawberries. Strawberries have been my favorite food ever since my grandmother first fed them to me straight out of the womb.”

“Shut up!” You throw a popcorn kernel at him. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“It may be bullshit, but what’s not is the fact that I still love and will always love strawberries.”

Later that night, you’re half asleep when your door slowly creaks open. Light spills into the room from the hallway. You sit up and rub your eyes, only to see Taehyung standing in your doorway, clutching one of the pillows you gave him in his arms.

“Hey.”

You turn on the lamp that rests on your night stand. “Hey, Tae. Is everything alright?”

He shifts nervously on his feet. “Yeah. I just couldn’t sleep. That movie has me kind of freaked out.” He looks at you and hesitates before speaking again. “Do you… do you think I could sleep with you tonight? You know, like we used to do after horror movies?”

“Tae, you’re not a kid anymore.”

“Didn’t you say Jimin and I will always be babies to you?”

“I was half joking.”

“I know. But, I guess old habits die hard,” he says with a tired smile.

You sigh in resignation. “Fine.” You pat the empty spot next to you on the bed.

He cautiously crawls into bed next to you, careful not to get to close.

“Goodnight, Tae.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You reach over and turn off your lamp.

When you wake up in the morning, you’re unusually warm, and there’s an uncomfortable weight across your body. It takes you a moment to realize that Taehyung has wrapped his arms tightly around you in his sleep. Carefully, you turn to look at him. You want to get up and get started on your day, but he’s so peacefully asleep that you don’t want to wake him.

“Tae,” you whisper.

The boy shifts closer to you, smushing his stubbly cheek against yours and enveloping you even tighter. You sigh inwardly. Perhaps you can sleep in a bit more. This does feel rather nice, having someone spoon you like this. But this is Taehyung we’re talking about here. This should be weird, but instead it feels weirdly right.

You resist the urge to reach up and cup his cheek. You don’t think he’s ever been this close to you. He’s not your baby brother anymore. Your heart thumps as the realization is finally hitting you. Even if you never felt any romantic attraction toward him in all the years you’ve known him, you definitely feel some kind of physical attraction toward him right now. You just want him to hold you forever. Breathing in the comfort of his scent, you lower your head and nuzzle it into the crook of his neck. You feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes, and hope he stays asleep so you can rest here a little longer. He never has to know.

Taehyung emerges from your bedroom as you’re making breakfast. You managed to slip away from him earlier without disturbing his slumber. Now, you open the fridge, grabbing a couple of eggs out of their carton as he casually saunters over to you and surveys the contents of the fridge.

Taehyung reaches over you to to grab the milk. “Hi.” He flashes a grin in your direction. He’s got a serious case of bedhead, with his hair sticking up in every direction. You start to think that he looks absolutely adorable like this, and you kind of wish you were still in bed, wrapped in his warm embrace.

“Morning, Tae. How’d you sleep?” You ask, trying not to stare.

“Like a baby.” You read his face, attempting to decipher whether anything has changed with him. “What are you looking at?” He raises an eyebrow.

You quickly dart your eyes away and shake your head. “Nothing.”

“Thanks for letting me sleep with you last night. It felt like we were kids again.” He smiles at you again.

“Anytime, Tae.” You nearly choke on the words and you hope he doesn’t notice.

“Where’s Jimin?” He asks you.

“He had class this morning, so he left not that long after you got up.”

“Ah, so it’s just you and me.”

“Mhm,” you croak. He’s looking at you, but you avoid meeting his eyes as you focus on making your eggs.

“Did he… you know, ask where I was?”

“No. He was in a hurry and I guess he assumed you already left.

He nods and grabs a box of cereal from on top of the fridge and pours himself a bowl. He leans his back against the counter, crunching on his corn flakes, while he watches you make your breakfast.

“Why are you so quiet? Everything okay?”

“Hm? Nothing. I’m just tired,” you fib.

“Were you not able to sleep because of me? I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not that.” Quietly you add, “It’s definitely not that.”

“What was that?”

“Hm? Nothing.”

Taehyung frowns, obviously not satisfied with your answer, but he’s done with his corn flakes now, so he doesn’t press further. He simply washes his bowl and stalks toward the bathroom.

You finish making your eggs and eat them with some toast. When you’re done, a freshly-shaven Taehyung walks out of the bathroom with a handful of his PJs. He stuffs them into his backpack and slings his bag over his shoulder.

“I’m gonna head out now. Have a good day, Y/N.”

“You too, Tae.”

As soon as the door shuts behind him, you take a deep breath and exhale. This morning was nothing. He’s not even aware of the fact that he was so close to you. Nothing is different for him. You shouldn’t get so worked up over it, you tell yourself. You’ve been best friends with Taehyung for ages. Feeling this way is simply not allowed. But, unfortunately for you, you’re not that good at listening to yourself.

You figure you need to distance yourself from Taehyung until these feelings subside, but really you can’t stop thinking about how nice it was to wake up with his arms around you. You weren’t exactly avoiding Taehyung these last few days, because it would seem obvious that something was off, but you didn’t really make an effort to see him either.

Later that week, you get a text from Jimin.

Jimin: Hey I got a Groupon for the roller rink downtown. You wanna come? You: Sure! When? Jimin: Tonight? 7 ish?

This is a great opportunity for a distraction, so readily you agree.

When you show up to the roller rink later that night, you see your brother waiting out front with none other than Taehyung.

Ah, heck, you think to yourself. So much for distracting you from your newly developed feelings for Taehyung.

“Hey, guys. I didn’t know you were coming too, Tae.”

“Of course I’d invite him, Y/N,” Jimin responds. “Don’t be silly.”

You look over at Taehyung and he smiles at you, the same way he always has, but this time you feel a strange flutter in your chest as you smile back.

“Can we please go inside now?” Jimin asks. “It’s freezing out here.”

The three of you make your way up the steps and into the building.

“You know, you could have waited for me inside. I could have met you by the ticketing counter.”

Jimin merely frowns and approaches the counter. You all tell the worker your skate sizes and he grabs all of your skates and hands them to Taehyung. As Jimin finishes paying, you and Taehyung agree to walk over to the benches and put on your skates first.

“Wait, shit,” Taehyung mutters as you reach the benches. “I don’t remember which skates are which.” He holds up the bunch of skates which hang in his hand by their laces.

“Yours are the red ones,” you tell him. “Jimin and I are the same size so we both have the white ones.”

Taehyung inspects the skates and then glances are your feet. “Are your feet really that huge?”

“No!” You object. “Jimin’s are just tiny!”

Taehyung lets out a laugh, amused by your overreaction, and hands you your skates. Your hand accidentally touches his as you grab onto the laces, and you jerk your hand away a little too abruptly.

“You okay?” Taehyung asks you.

“Yeah. Your hands are just so cold,” you lie. “Man, I can’t remember the last time I went skating,” you muse, wanting to change the subject.

“I think the last time was when Jimin and I were fourteen. Unless you’ve gone without us since then.” Both of you take a seat on the bench.

“You guys know I don’t go anywhere without you.” You take off your shoes and slip the skates onto your feet. “Oh, god. How do I stand up now?” You attempt to put some weight on your feet while still gripping onto the bench, but they start to roll from under you.

“Here, let me help.” Taehyung hasn’t put on his skates yet, so he stands up easily and takes your hand in his. He slips his other hand around your waste and holds on to you firmly. “Ready? Are you holding on to me?” You nod. “Okay, stand up on the count of three. One, two, three!”

Suddenly you’re yanked off your feet and you nearly tumble forward from the momentum, but Taehyung catches you and steadies you. “You good?”

You nod, but it’s a half lie. Taehyung’s arm is still around you, and he doesn’t seem like he’s letting go anytime soon. You look up to find him staring at you and you meet his eyes. You open your mouth, feeling like you should say something, but your mind draws a blank. Taehyung continues to look at you expectantly.

“Sorry that took so long.” The sound of Jimin’s voice breaks you out of your daze. “I ran into someone from dance.”

Taehyung suddenly pulls away from you and you’re left wishing he hadn’t let go. You teeter slightly before fully gaining your balance.

“These are yours.” Taehyung hands over the other pair of white skates to your brother.

“Thanks.” Jimin takes them and puts them on. “I’m gonna out-skate both of you bitches.”

Roller skating is a lot more difficult than you remember. It’s not like ice skating, where if you get tired or frustrated, you can just leave the rink and walk normally without worrying about falling. With roller skates, you’re on constantly on wheels until you take them off, so even if you leave the rink, you have the exact same chance of falling flat on your face while on your way to the benches.

You are well aware of this as you slowly inch yourself into the rink, which is just a hardwood oval that’s sectioned off from the rest of the building. You have no idea why you’re wobbling so much, or why it’s so difficult for you to keep your balance. Last time you went skating, you weren’t nearly as bad at it as you are right now. Something about this feels extremely alien, and the fear of falling makes everything worse.

But there’s nothing wrong with falling. Sure, you might get hurt, but you can always pick yourself back up and move on. You have your brother and your best friend here to help you. So there’s nothing to be afraid of.

With this new mindset, you push forward, more confidently this time.

“Y/N! Come on!” Jimin calls out to you. He skates toward you and grabs your hand. “Why are you just standing there?”

“I’m out of practice!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” he reassures.

Your brother pulls you along with him as he skates around the rink. You struggle to keep up with him, but you’re a lot steadier than before. You’re able to let all your worries go and have fun, just you and your brother.

“See? You’re doing fine!” His eyes light up. “Hey, I’ll race you!”

Before you can even agree, Jimin lets go of your hand and zooms off, expecting you to follow. You glide one foot in front of the other, faster and faster as you try to catch up to your brother. You feel the air whipping past your face, and everyone around you is reduced to a blur.

“That’s not fair, Jimin! You got a head start!”

You’re so close to catching up to him, and when you think you can, you reach your arm and and try to tag him. However, you lean forward a little too much and you lose your balance. You try to use the breaks at the front of your skate, but that causes you to tumble forward.

You throw your hands out the soften your fall and close your eyes, knowing that you’ll hit the ground soon. You let out a yelp when you suddenly collide with something, taking it down with you. That something cushions your fall, and the next thing you know, you’re on the ground, not in nearly as much pain as you thought you would be.

You open your eyes and see Taehyung on the floor beneath you.

“Oh my god! Taehyung are you okay?” You push yourself into a sitting position and face the boy.

He lifts his head up, wincing as he rubs the back of it with his hand. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m a lot better than you would be if you had taken that fall.”

“I am so sorry! I didn’t see you! Oh my god! Are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?! Do you want me to call an–”

“I’m fine, Y/N. Really.” You turn your head to look at the hand that Taehyung has placed on your shoulder. “You didn’t crash into me. I saw that you were about to fall and rushed over.”

“Oh. I–” You feel a blush creep into your cheeks. “Thank you for watching out for me.”

“Of course. You’re my best friend. You don’t have to be afraid of falling when you’re with me.”

“Thanks, Tae.”

He smiles at you and holds your gaze for longer than you think he should. But it’s comfortable, and you find yourself unable to look away. You feel the inexplicable urge to lean in a press your lips against his, to feel how soft they’d be against yours, to know how it feels to kiss him. And you almost do.

That is, until Jimin rolls on over to you two. “What happened? Are you guys okay?”

Reluctantly, you look away from Taehyung and toward your brother. His brows are knit together in concern as he scans the two of you for any signs of injury.

“Yeah, Jimin, we’re fine. Y/N was just being a speed demon and collided with me. But we’re okay.”

You glanced at Taehyung in confusion, but you just brush it off.

“Well, if you guys are okay, you should get up because these kids are kind of getting annoyed about you being in the way.”

You were so distracted by Taehyung, you forgot how crowded the rink actually is. In those moments he was all you could focus on.

“Oh, right. Yeah, we should get up.”

Taehyung stands up first and reaches a hand out to help you. You take it and then apologize to the people around you, though none of them are really listening.

You make it back to the bench with a couple of new bruises, but nothing serious. Although, you do feel a little bit dizzy. You try to remember whether you hit your head or not. You replay the scene that happened just moments earlier. Your memory of it is quite vivid: colliding with Taehyung, having his body press against you as the two of you fall to the floor.

Taehyung kneels in front of you, gently squeezing both your arms and checking for any injuries you may not have felt. You stare at him, trying to figure out whether he feels even the slightest bit the same as you do, but you can’t get a read on his expression. He just looks concerned. “You sure you’re alright?”

You nod and watch as his hands travel down your arm until his hands are wrapped around yours. As you watch him care for you, you feel the urge to reach your hand out to tilt his face up and kiss him.

He releases your hand and places his on your thigh, causing you to startle.

“Did I hurt you?”

You shake your head. “I just wasn’t expecting you to do that.”

He continues squeezing down your leg, and you wince when he gets to your calf.

“Does that hurt?”

“A little.” You grimace as he presses down on it harder.

“I think it’s just a bruise. Do you want ice?”

You shake your head again. “No, I’ll be okay.”

He gets up and places himself next to you on the bench. “I’m glad to hear that.” He gives you a soft smile. “Are you ready to get back out there?”

“Not yet.” You grip the edge of the bench with your hands, painfully aware of how close he’s sitting next to you, his arm brushing up against yours.

Taehyung interprets your stiffness as anxiousness and places his hand over one of yours. “I’ll wait here with you until you’re ready. Even if it takes the rest of the night. And when you do decide to go back out there, I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt. Got it?”

“Thanks, Tae.”

He puts his arm around you and pulls you close, a gesture meant to reassure you, like he’s done a million times before. But this time, it feels different, and you wonder if it’s just you who feels this way.

“Hey, are you busy tonight? You wanna do something with me?”

This is the first time Taehyung has called you since that night at the roller rink. You hesitate, not knowing if you can handle seeing him again right now. The last time you hung out, it took all your willpower to refrain from kissing him. “Sure. Is Jimin coming too?”

“No, he’s busy. My boy’s got a date tonight!”

“Ooooh... A date? With who?”

“Not sure. He didn’t really specify. Probably someone from his dance team.”

Your heart clenches. Your baby brother really is growing up. “Awww. I’m happy for him.”

“Me, too. I know things didn’t end well with him and Sana, so I’m glad he’s getting back out there.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So are you down to hang out or what?” Taehyung asks again.

You hesitate. You don’t want to say no, because then Taehyung would definitely suspect something is out of the ordinary. However, you don’t know if you can trust yourself to be alone with him. “What did you want to do?”

“I found this place online that I wanna check out.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t tell you.”

You frown, although you know he can’t see it.

“I can tell you’re frowning.”

“You know I don’t like surprises.”

“It’ll be fun, I promise.”

“Fine, I’ll go with you.”

“Cool, I’ll pick you up in 10.”

Taehyung is uncharacteristically quiet as he picks you up. When he asked you to hang out, you assumed he meant to get food at some new restaurant he found, since you guys usually go out to eat together. But he’s been driving down the same road for about thirty minutes now, and your college town is turning more and more rural as you go.

You turn your head toward him. “Tae, where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. You’ll see.” The corner of his lip tugs up mischievously.

After about ten more minutes, Taehyung turns his truck onto an unmarked dirt road and continues driving until the two of you reach what looks like a dirt parking lot. He parks the car and gets out, walking over to your side of the vehicle to open the door for you.

He reaches out his hand and you take it, stepping down from the truck.

“Tae, where are we?” you ask, still not letting go of his hand.

Instead of answering, he shuts the car door and leads you to the green field that stretches before you.

“What is this?”

He just smiles a looks at you. “You tell me.”

Cautiously, you step onto what looks like grass, but, upon closer inspection, is actually…

“Strawberries? This is a strawberry field?”

“Mhm.” He nods, beaming at you. “Come on.”

Still holding your hand, he leads you into the field and you’re suddenly thrown back to when you two were kids, in the strawberry field by your house.

“Are we allowed to be here?”

“Yep. It’s a public field.”

You look around you. The field extends on toward the horizon. “But there’s no one here,” you point out.

“Not many people know about it. It took a lot of researching to find this place. The next closest public strawberry field is, well, at home.”

“Why did you take me here?”

Instead of answering, Taehyung puts a finger to his lip. “Shh. Look.”

At that moment, the sun begins to dip below the horizon, and the sky turns a pastel shade of pink. Almost like strawberry milk.

“Isn’t this beautiful?”

“It is.” You look off into the sunset, and you’re able to forget all the weirdness you created for yourself lately and the distance you tried to put between you and Taehyung. You notice in your peripherals that Taehyung is looking at you, so you turn your head towards him.

The two of you lock eyes, but neither of you speak. You just stand there, holding each other’s gaze, allowing the soft breeze to blow between you.

“I love you, Tae,” you sigh.

“I love you, too.”

“No. I love you, Tae.”

He steps closer, leaning in slowly and bending his head down so that his face is level with yours, and then he kisses you, so softly and gently.

“I love you, too, Y/N.”

He pulls back and scans your face, trying to gauge your reaction. You simply look at him with bewildered eyes. This kiss was nothing like you expected, but it was everything you wanted in a kiss. Delicate, tender, loving.

“Y/N,” Taehyung says softly. “Can I kiss you again?”

You’re still too stunned from the first kiss to react. But then you simply nod.

When he kisses you, you kiss him back harder.

Somehow, you and Taehyung end up lying down in the middle of the strawberry field, facing each other, surrounded by the fragrant plants and their berries.

“Have you always loved me?” You utter softly, cupping his face and stroking his cheek with your thumb.

“Of course.” He looks at you with a tender expression.

“Romantically?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“Then what changed?”

Taehyung places a hand on your hip and pulls you in so that your bodies are touching. “You know what changed. Because it was the same for you.”

You nod solemnly. “So you were awake too.”

“I was.”

Much later, the sun is long gone, and the moon is high in the sky. Taehyung’s arm is around your shoulder, keeping you close to him. Your head rests on his chest, and your arm is slung lazily across his stomach. Billions of stars glitter above you, far more abundant and brilliant than what can be seen in the city. It’s not cold. There is a warm, gentle breeze that caresses your skin, calming you as you both silently enjoy each other’s company. You start to drift asleep when Taehyung speaks again.

“Hey, what if I dyed my hair pastel pink? Like the color of strawberry milk?”

You turn your head so that you can look at him. “Shut up. You would not.”

“Maybe I would!” He challenges. “Don’t underestimate me, Y/N.”

You chuckle and kiss him on his jaw.

“Hey, maybe we can go to New York and visit the strawberry field one day. You know, the one in the Beatles’ song.”

“You know it’s not like an actual field right?”

“What?”

“Yeah, I saw pictures online. It’s just some sad patch of grass.”

Taehyung looks at you incredulously. “Then why write a whole song about it?”

“I don’t know, Tae. I don’t know.”

You lie there, looking at each other in silence. You reach your hand up and cup his cheek.

Although there’s no one else around you to hear, it’s just so quiet here that it feels wrong to disturb the peace, so you whisper, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispers back.

He leans closer and kisses you.

“What are we going to tell Jimin?” You think about how weird this conversation would be, telling your baby brother that you and his best friend are now dating.

“We don’t have to tell time anything if you don’t want to. We can let him know when you’re ready.”

You nod and he kisses you on the forehead.

“I think the longer we wait, the harder it will be to tell him.”

Taehyung nods understandingly. “I agree.”

“Hey, can you make me some strawberry milk when we get home?”

He gives your shoulder a squeeze and places another kiss atop your head. “Of course.”

#bts writing squad #btswriters #kreativenetwork #kimtaehyungnet #armiesnet #networkbangtan #btssunshinenet #kim taehyung #bts v #bts fanfic #bts fluff #taehyung fluff #my writing #idk if you can tell but i have a thing for lying in fields #see: forget me not #i would never do it in real life though bc i hate bugs #but this is fiction!! there are no bugs!!

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robinrunsfiction · 5 years

Text

The Spaces That Divide Us - Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Song recommendations for this chapter: Take On The World - You Me At Six

You walked up the road for a while, not really sure where you were going, you just needed time out of the house and away from everyone.

“Fucking asshole,” you muttered under your breath as the sky darkened above you. You didn’t care about the weather, or anything at the moment. Soon you spotted something of a trail leading into the woods. You stepped off the road and started climbing through the brush. You didn’t know where you were going, but at the same time knew you were on the right path.

Eventually you found yourself at a small stream. As you watched the water flow, you realized that this stream fed into the lake behind Gerard’s house and you could follow it back if you wanted to, but you didn’t want to, not yet. You wanted to just take in the quiet of the forest, the cold air, the smell of rain in the distance, and the fact you were no where near anyone who thought less of you for what you had to do in an hour of desperation. What you did to save everyone else.

You found a tree to lean against while you sat on the cool, damp ground. Taking a deep breath, you felt yourself relax a little, pushing Frank's words from your mind.

“Where did (YN) go?” Ray asked, after Gerard came back inside.

“I don’t know, she’s the damn seer,” Gerard growled, trying to keep his anger at Frank, who had retreated upstairs, in check. Gerard sat down and held his head in his hands. “I wish I had her power, so then if anyone had a problem with what we do they could take it up with me.”

Ray nodded silently and Mikey got up to talk to Frank upstairs. As time pressed on, Gerard continued to stand watch at the window, waiting for you to return. As the November sky grew darker, he started to get worried.

“I’m gonna go look for her, I know she needs time alone to cool off, but this is too long,” Gerard said, trying to keep the anxious tone in his voice hidden. Ray again nodded silently as Gerard hurried out the door.

You were in a dark room, suddenly a screen lit up in front of you. You were tied to a chair and you struggled against your bindings as you heard footsteps approach from behind.

You opened your eyes in a daze, head buzzing, face wet from the cold rain that was coming down. There was more to that vision, it had to be a vision, because it didn't feel like a dream and you knew the difference. You cursed the rain under your breath as you slowly remembered where you were outside to begin with.

“Hey,” Gerard said, causing you to jump as you didn’t notice him approaching. “You're gonna freeze out here in the rain."

You couldn’t be bothered to let out more than a grumble as he took off his jacket and put it around your shoulders.

“Don’t let Frank get to you Sugar, he'll see eventually that he’s wrong.”

“What if he's right though? What if you shouldn’t trust me and I’m leading us all astray and I’m just too dumb to realize?”

“Hey! No, God no, do not say that! You are so smart and clever!” Gerard said quickly taking one of your cold hands in his warm one, the other tilting your chin up to look him in the eyes. “(YN), remember what she told you, trust me, and know that I trust you, you haven’t been wrong yet.”

“That’s what scares me,” you sighed.

“What did you see?” Gerard asked, concern etched across his face.

“I don’t know, the rain just woke me up. It wasn’t done, but I woke up, it was so weird,” you replied confused. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing them to see something more. Gerard gathered you in his arms and you rested your head against his shoulder.

“Whatever comes, we'll get through this together, we always will. I love you so much, (YN),” he murmured.

You pulled back and looked into his hazel eyes. The eyes that haunted you from before you even met that day in your front yard. Your heart raced in your chest.

“I wanted to tell you on Halloween, since it’s your favorite day, but I didn’t get the chance. I'm sorry for everything I’ve dragged you into-"

You cut him off by pressing your lips to his. “Don’t apologize. I’d rather go on all the dangerous, crazy missions with you than spend a second back in my old, safe, boring life,” you said when you pulled back. “I love you too, Gerard.”

When you made it back to the house, Frank had returned downstairs after a long talk with Mikey. He still was glaring daggers at you, but you were shining from the moment you had shared in the woods with Gerard.

“Ok, now let’s finish this plan so we can start packing and head south,” Gerard started. “Mikey, are you still ok with posing as a kid and going in the school?”

“Yea, no problem,” Mikey replied.

“Ok, then (YN) and I will pose as your parents. We’ll have to get some school records created documenting your troubles in school and get an appointment with the academy. My guess is if they’re trying to brainwash kids, there won’t be any problem getting you in there,” Gerard concluded. “Frank are you coming? I’m sure we could use you.”

Frank sat back in his chair and looked down. “Yea, I’m coming.”

“Thank you,” Gerard said looking at his friend, knowing that there was a truce being reached between them.

“What if we reached out to Pete to create a website and records and stuff?” you suggested.

“Good idea, Sugar,” Gerard replied. With that, everyone set to work packing for the trip and the next adventure.

Chapter 4

#the spaces that divide us #gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fic #my chemical romance fan fiction

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hoyoungy · 6 years

Text

blocked.zip | soonyoung (i)

genre: comedy, “fbi agent” au | fbi agent!soonyoung x reader summary: you’ve gotten away with downloading a lot of copyrighted content in the past, but now the fbi agent assigned to you has had enough of it word count: 1738 a/n: you know that fbi agent joke thing going around? i thought it was funny and soonyoung’s funny so i mean it fits. this is a word vomit. warnings include swearing

part ii

“Ugh,” you groaned as you tried to ‘legally’ download a youtube file as a .mp3 format for the third time. Each time you tried, the unusually usual mysterious and invisible window would pop up on the screen for a second and disappear the next, with you stuck on the same website and the file failing to download.

“Can’t you just buy the song?” your roommate asked as she sat across from you at the dining table.

“And throw away like, $2.00? No, thanks.”

“Pirating files is super dangerous these days! Haven’t you seen the news? There are like, FBI agents that are watching you through your webcam. Or-or how your phone and Google can detect your voice, hear what you’re saying while you’re just having a casual conversation, and show you ads that are similar? Watch, let’s test it out,” she said, clearing her throat. “Oh, no! Looks like we ran out of coffee. I really wish we had some coffee right now! I love light roast and blond coffee blends -”

“Shut up, you really believe in that stuff?” you scoffed as you properly categorized your newly downloaded song file in your library.

“Of course I do! Didn’t you see that one video where that girl bought a laptop online and the camera was always on, but she ignored it and went about her day, but a couple of months later, some creep broke into her house and murdered her!?”

“Well, yeah, that was scary… but I taped over the webcam! That has nothing to do with me trying to enjoy my favorite band’s music for free. Appreciating art shouldn’t cost so much money. And besides, this isn’t some post-Y2K paranoia era anymore. Remember when we were so scared as kids when we pirated songs off of Limewire? The FBI has become way more lenient these days ~”

“Whatever you say, _____, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when some weirdo American gets access to your webcam and watches you changing ~”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you muttered. “Ok, on to their next album…”

“Soonyoung, what the hell!” Jihoon scolded him in his office. A slumped and embarrassed Soonyoung sat in front of Jihoon’s desk as he listened to yet another lecture about not keeping a close eye on your internet activity. But it wasn’t his fault you bent the law so often! “Are you not paying attention to your person again? How many times do I have to tell you to not watch Naruto on the second monitor!?”

“I’m not, I swear! And I am paying attention to her! She’s downloaded like, five albums of different artists in the past twelve hours, how am I supposed to keep up with that!?”

“That’s what the ads are for!”

“I’ve tried, Jihoon! She has an ad-blocker for the ad-blocker! She always finds a way to stop me! You know how there isn’t a cure for the common cold because it adapts and evolves so often? She’s exactly like that!”

“Try harder. You’re a FBI agent, for Christ’s sake. You have access to basically their entire internet history and activity! There’s always a way around it, trust me. Start by sending her a threatening message, or something, to slow down the downloading.”

“Just message them? Can we do that…?”

“Of course we can. It’s just like an email. Just be like, ‘hey, we’ve noticed some suspicious activity on your laptop, please refrain from blah blah blah,’ and that’s it.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

“Just say you’re in the FBI or something, that usually scares them.”

“I mean, I am in the FBI…”

“Then there shouldn’t be a problem. Hurry and watch her activity before she pirates all of Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo. Your report says that was her latest search.”

“Fuck,” Soonyoung cursed before running out of Jihoon’s office.

When he got back to his desk, it was already too late. On the screen that monitored your internet activity on your laptop, the screen showed that you were already in the middle of downloading episode three.

“Oh no, you don’t.” Soonyoung practically keyboard-smashed a bunch of codes onto the screen that paused your downloading process.

“What the hell!” he heard you screech into his headset. “Are you kidding me!?”

“Now’s my chance.”

On the other side of the screen, you quit your browser and tried to redownload the third episode for the third time, but the download kept failing. That was it, you were going to take your laptop to a Genius bar, or something -

“You have (1) Unread Message,” your laptop chimed.

With hesitation, you opened the suspiciously red message. “Hello, _____,” you muttered aloud. “We have noticed some suspicious activity on your computer. Remember to please refrain from downloading any copyrighted… blah blah blah… Oh shit, hey, take a look at this!” you called your roommate.

“What’s up?”

“The FBI’s watching me!” you snorted.

“Why is she laughing!?” Soonyoung asked his lonely cubicle.

“Why are you laughing!? Oh, my God, see I told you this was going to happen! Look at what you did, now I bet they’ve hacked into my laptop, too! We are so screwed! We’re going to get arrested!” your roommate panicked. “I bet they’re listening to us right now! _____, shut down your laptop - no, burn it -”

“Relax, will you! It’s just a prank, or something! Or another pop-up ad!”

“I’ll show you a pop-up ad…” Soonyoung scoffed. On his end, he coded another message onto your laptop screen. He was probably getting a little carried away with a second message, but clearly you weren’t listening, and Jihoon did tell him to get more serious with this job. He’s not hurting anyone, anyways.

The next message popped up on your laptop screen for you and your roommate to see.

“‘This isn’t a prank’…” your roommate whispered. “This isn’t a prank… This isn’t a prank! Oh, shit, they really are listening to us!”

“No fucking way,” you cursed. “Ok, Mr. FBI agent, if this isn’t a prank, then… what’s our Wifi network?”

“‘PrettyFlyforAWiFi.’ Holy shit, this is real, this is happening right now,” your roommate panicked.

“Shut up! What was my most recent search?”

After scrolling through your history for several minutes, Soonyoung replied with, ‘How to clean wine stains.’

“Do you know our cat’s name…?”

‘Truffle.’

“Holy shit.” You began to laugh quite hysterically, still unable to believe that you had a real FBI agent assigned to you and was currently chatting it up with you and your terrified roommate. Your mind began to flash back to all the embarrassing and, um, not so appropriate searches you’ve done in the past. Everything you’ve ever searched, downloaded, basically have seen on the internet, this person has seen you do it.

“Burn it,” your roommate threatened. “Or I’m gonna do it.”

“No, I can’t afford another laptop right now! Besides, I bet you have an FBI agent assigned to you, too.”

“Yeah, but at least I won’t go to jail for downloading illegal content.”

“That’s true…”

“You won’t go to jail, dumbass.”

Both you and your roommate stopped moving when your laptop began to speak. Now this was really starting to get scary.

On Soonyoung’s end, who was tired of typing out all of his proof and explainations that have been ignored as you and roommate bickered, he decided to finally turn on his microphone on his headset and do the absolute unspeakable - talk to his assigned citizen. Soonyoung was already in deep shit with Jihoon and the entire agency anyways, so he might as well dig deeper.

“You won’t go to jail now, but if you keep downloading and torrenting so much stuff, you will.”

“It’s a boy,” you stated. “My FBI agent’s a dude. Ok, that, in some form or another, has to be illegal, too, like that’s just not safe or fair!”

“Life isn’t safe or fair.”

“Are you my mother now? My FBI agent mother?”

“I can’t believe you’re arguing with your laptop,” your roommate said as she walked away from you. “Don’t bring that thing near me until you figure out your legal problems!”

You sighed dramatically so that Soonyoung could hear you from the other side. It was just the two of you now, face to face - sort of - waiting for the other person to break the ice.

“So I’m not going to jail, right?”

“No, but I’m assigned to watch over your internet activity still. If your excessive illegal downloading continues, I’ll have to have you arrested.”

“Then how long until I’m in the clear?”

“Either until you get a new laptop and a new agent assigned to you or as long as I deem necessary.”

“So we’re basically stuck with each other, huh?” you asked.

“Unfortunately.”

“Cool… Well, since we’ll be working together for quite some time, I’ll intoduce myself first. Hi, my name is _____.”

“I know.”

“… Of course you do,” you dead panned. “And you are…?”

“Soonyoung.”

“What a nice name for a scary FBI agent man. Do you know what I look like…?”

“I can only see you when you turn on your webcam.”

“That’s so weird!” You felt the strong shivers creep up your spine at the thought of some strange man looking at you while you webcammed with your friends or classmates. The corners of Soonyoung’s lips twitched slightly at your strange, scared noises. “Please tell me you’re not some old man with a tub of lotion by your desk.”

“We’re the same age.”

“Damn, you know my birthday, too! But somehow knowing we’re the same age makes this all less creepy.”

“That’s… good?”

“I’m not too sure, either. Now that we got formalities out of the way, I’m going to continue downloading this episode if that’s ok with you.”

“What!?” Soonyoung screeched into his mic. “No, that’s not ok! I just told you that you could get arrested!”

“Yeah, but you seem cool!”

“There are dozens of free streaming websites for that show, why do you have to download each episode!?”

“It’s not the same.”

“Oh, my God,” Soonyoung sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose harshly.

You were going to have a lot of fun messing with Soonyoung.

#svtwriters #sfwseventeen #hoshi #soonyoung #kwon soonyoung #seventeen #svt #seventeen hoshi #svt hoshi #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #kpop #k-pop #idk ok #word vomit

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lokilickedme · 6 years

Note

Hello My Lady! Just because you asked, here are my faves of yours: #1 King (no surprise here), #2 Jack (too crazy not to love, and the stream crossing of pretty much all your stories is genius) #3 Chem/BD/TTW/TKH/TWK/can't remember them all. They're all special in their own way! Can't believe it'll be 3yrs soon since I started squatting your page!!! God time goes by fast! I'd like to add a special mention for the Muse Meetings, sooo funny, and a Golden Snowflake to Aleks. Cute little bumkin.

Thank you @fudgemuffinanon! Dear god, has it been that long? Seems like I joined up last year…*sits here blinking at my posts from 2015, wondering how that happened*

**LONG TEXT POST COMING UP**

You drew the lucky straw today my darling, I’m feeling wordy and in the mood to share. A lot of people have asked me over the last couple of years how some of my stuff came about, and you mentioned one that gets a lot of asks.

Lemme tell you something about the Muse Meetings. Way back in 1998 when I got my first computer, one of the very first things I ran across by way of internet fanfiction was a little something called The Very Secret Diaries penned by a writer named Cassandra Claire (who is now professionally published under the name Cassandra Clare). The Very Secret Diaries (which are hilarious, btw) woke something up in me - mainly because, as a lifelong writer who had never allowed anyone to read 95% of my work, I finally realized that yeah, there were other people out there whose brains deviated from the standard in the same way mine did. Her writing style back then (in the Diaries specifically, I’ve never actually read anything else she’s written) was very similar to the way I wrote, and those Diaries were exactly the sort of silly, ridiculous, irreverent thing I’d scribbled in my notebooks for most of my life. And people liked it, she had a huge following based on just those out-of-context glimpses of her characters’ personal thoughts. She was writing behind the scenes thoughts of characters, things that would never make it into books, and it was brilliant. That was the kind of stuff I loved to write but had never given myself permission to show anyone. She was showing hers to people, and they were loving it.

Which gave me the inspiration to not only put my work out there in the public eye for the first time ever, but to stick with my personal writing style (which I’d always assumed wasn’t what other people wanted to read, based on the books I’d been exposed to most of my life). Not change anything. Just do me. And doing me meant writing silly nonsense if I wanted to.

So - The Very Secret Diaries are more or less the inspiration for the Muse Meetings, or at least the official written version of them. I’d always imagined dialogues with my characters outside the confines of whatever story I was working on, but never thought anyone else would be interested in seeing me write it out.

The Diaries made me realize different. Not only were her characters yammering and complaining and snarking at each other (both out of character and in), they were doing it in exactly the way I’d imagined my own characters interacting in the real world. I loved it. Seeing someone else do what I’d always done in my head - and do it in an official, out-there-in-the-public-eye capacity, was a revelation. Finally I was able to give myself permission to write the way I wanted to, without restricting myself to the styles and methods in the books in the family library. It had always been in my head, but now it didn’t have to stay there. I could write proper stories, but I could also write what was going on in the other room, where the reader seldom gets to peek. And other people besides myself might like it because hey, there’s precedent.

That was freeing, and I am grateful to Ms Claire for that.

So, a little history that leads up to how and why I finally started writing out the Muse Meetings:

My first fandoms that I wrote for online were Harry Potter and Star Wars (Kenobi specifically). And yes, way back then (late 90′s - early 2000′s) there were already muse meetings among my characters. I’ve been doing these for a long time, and I wish the out-of-character stuff I’d written back then still existed (my HP stuff bit the dust when The Restricted Section shut down, and my SW stuff was on FF.net for a little while but honestly I don’t remember my user ID there or the titles of the fics, though I have searched…so they’re most likely lost as well). It’s sort of a shame because there were some old Anakin/Obi-Wan muse meetings that you guys would have loved…and the stuff between Remus and Sirius while we were hashing out what was going to be in their next chapter? It still pains me that it’s all lost, but maybe it’s for the best. That was nearly two decades ago, we move on to bigger and (hopefully) better things.

After my urge to write HP fic fizzled out I stopped writing for a while, but there were always muse meetings going on in my head for stories I scribbled mentally. To me they’ve always been more fun than the actual stories, which explains my love for gag reels and behind-the-scenes featurettes for movies (I watch those first, always).

And then I found AO3 - funnily enough, I discovered it while searching the internet for one of my lost HP fics - and I decided to start writing in earnest again. With all those thousands and thousands of fics and endless fandoms, it seemed like the perfect place to indulge my need to share what went on in my head. And as I settled into the MCU and my stories started to grow to include multitudes of characters, those impromptu staff meetings with my muses kept being called to order. Stuff that my characters would never say in the context of their stories got said. Scenarios that were too ridiculous to waste time writing were played out. Arguments and fights and bantering between characters who, in the restrictive confines of their own tales, would never in a million years interact…now they were throwing poptarts at each other (and occasionally knives) while the side characters wandered out of the room to watch TV or raid the fridge or sat in horror as someone’s until-now unassuming wife brandished a melon baller as a weapon.

It was messy and fun and was by far my favorite part of the writing process.

That’s what eventually became the Muse Meetings. You want to know how they escaped my head and became an official thing?

Well I’m gonna tell ya lol

One of my very first friends in here, the fantastic @elvenfair1, was one of my first readers at AO3 and she told me I should post links to my fics at this site called tumblr to bring in a bigger audience. So I opened an account here, followed her, posted some links as suggested, and she and I began messaging back and forth pretty much every night as we wrote our respective fics, bouncing ideas off each other and discussing plot points and brainstorming for character names. And as my characters sassed me and refused to cooperate with what I wanted them to do, I would tell elvenfair what was going on in my head with my dumbass OCs and OFCs and we’d laugh and gripe about trying unsuccessfully to reel in our unruly muses.

And then one night back in 2015 she said “You should post this muse stuff, it’s hilarious.”

You know what the first thing I thought was? Cassandra Claire did it 14 years ago and people loved it. So yeah, I can sure as hell do it if I want. If nobody is interested in it, at least it’ll amuse me and elvenfair and that’s cool enough.

And so I did. I started posting them in here first, then as people started requesting them more I eventually moved them to AO3 in a more structured format. And now you guys have multiple Lokis hurling curses at a bartender and viciously baiting a hapless movie star while teenage versions of two other attendees flirt with unsuspecting OFCs, with an occasional appearance by Thor dropping hints about future chapters and looking for fruit roll-ups. It’s messy, but it’s fun and I’ve always enjoyed writing it as a way to let my brain decompress, especially when one of my “real” stories has hit a roadbump.

Since then I’ve seen countless other professional writers doing the exact same thing - J.R. Ward even posts her own version of muse meetings on her official website AND has a published book (her Insiders Guide) that is almost entirely nothing BUT muse meetings. It’s surprising how many writers actually do this and I sometimes wonder if authors like Poe, Steinbeck, Vonnegut, Tolkien, Gaiman, McMurtry didn’t do it themselves (I’d bet money on McMurtry). Just goes to show there’s not an original idea anywhere in the universe…no matter how much you might believe you came up with it first, someone out there has been doing it for a long damn time before you - and a million more will do it after you :)

Anyway, I haven’t written any muse meetings in a while but they still go on constantly in my head. I get asked about once a week to go back to doing them, and one day I will, when I have time for it. My actual fics are struggling for writing time as it is and I made a conscious decision to weed out the unnecessary stuff in favor of “real work” (yeah right lol)…but yeah, the Meetings are still one of my favorite things and I won’t stop doing them permanently - they’ll be back.

So thank you Cassandra Claire for inspiring me to let them fly…if it weren’t for those whacked-out Diaries, the Muse Meetings would all still be in my head with only one person (me) laughing at them.

#fudgemuffinanon #long post #it's been a while since I got to talk to an adult IRL due to the kids being sick #so here have all the words at once lol

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caltropspress · 3 years

Text

RAPS + CRAFTS #3: Alaska

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

Hi my name is Tim. I am a rapper. You might know me as Alaska, but chances are you do not know me at all. I have been making rap music since the mid-1990s. I was part of a collective called Atoms Family and a group within Atoms named Hangar 18. In 2004 Hangar 18 was signed to the Definitive Jux label. We dropped two albums. One which was good and one which was meh. After the label and group fell apart I started a weird career as a solo rapper who teams up with different producers to form different groups (Crack Epidemic, Words Hurt). The most recent group is named Cargo Cults which is myself and Zilla Rocca. We dropped Nihilist Millennial approx. one year ago. I am currently working on a few projects including the follow up to Nihilist Millennial.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I am a husband and a father. I have a full-time job and I am currently enrolled in a Master’s program at NYU. I write whenever I have a spare moment. I usually write in the morning, it is when my mind is most clear and I can give the job the most attention. I have found that I am also the most creative at this time. I am usually writing with a project in mind. As I mentioned earlier I tend to work on projects with one producer. Usually they will give me a gang of beats. I will sit with them and start to write to them. I usually write 4-8 bars every morning. Which means I am usually writing a song a week. Typically I have an idea of what I want to say. I find that the words are always pouring out, but I end up throwing a lot of them out. At this point in my career I know when something is right. It is only at that point that I move on to the next line.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

I write on my phone. Sometimes I will write in my head but it always ends up on the phone because I am old and my memory is shot.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

I usually write in bars. Sometimes when I am just listening to music, cooking or doing something else a line will pop into my head and I will jot it down in my phone as something to use later. Most times those ideas get tossed.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

It depends. I have scrapped entire albums before because they did not work. Usually it is anywhere from a half a verse to a half of a song. I usually take that material and put it into a running file of ideas to potentially reuse. However, if I do not reuse the idea by the time the album is done I throw them out. I have found that sometimes you have to just let it go. Once everything is precious you can get stuck.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

I used to write for a few music websites including one that I founded called SYFFAL (shut your fucking face and listen). I have also attempted to start a book on a few occasions detailing my career as a failed musician. I do not know if this helped my writing, but I find that the more I write the more ideas I have.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I am editing throughout the entire process. By the time I get to the end of a song I usually have anywhere from 16 to 40 bars of material that did not make the song. This material ends up in the list I mentioned earlier. I tend to take whatever time is needed. Sometimes songs come together in a few hours, sometimes it takes a month to get through a verse. I view writing a song to be like working on a puzzle. You can force the wrong piece into a spot, but in the end the puzzle is not going to work. You just have to wait until you find the right piece. You know it when you find it. It clicks right in.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

When I am working on a project I write to beats. I want to make sure that the words and the flow match the soundscape. When I come up with random lines more often than not they are not written to a beat. If I end up incorporating it into a song I usually have to make edits so that it lands in the pocket.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

I usually have ideas of what I want to discuss going into a project. Once the project starts I usually let the beat pick what the topic is going to be. A lot of what I am writing is just me trying to figure out the world around me or a reflection of the inputs. For example, with the Rammellzee song. There was an exhibit of his work at Red Bull Music like two summers ago, I used to go to it all the time on my lunch break. So spending all of that time around his work, and watching the videos of him discussing his philosophy about art is what inspired that song. I added a line at the end about being someone who dons the mask, meaning the mask of Rammellzee. I thought of this idea about doing art for the sake of purity of one’s soul, which is what I always felt Ram was doing and it is what I wanted to do. I would never put myself on the same level as a god like Ram, but at the same time I was writing this song, I was watching all of these Star Wars YouTube channels and there was an episode about this Boba Fett story line. The story followed his armor as it was sold from one person to the next. I liked that idea and how it connected with Rammellzee’s obsession with armor and wanted to incorporate it into the song.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I do enjoy it but I am not really concerned with it. I used to be obsessed with it, but I realized that was just to cover up the fact that I didn’t have much to say. I started looking at artists like Andre 3000, who can do all of the technical stuff better than everyone else, but he no longer needs to. He is more concerned with what he is saying and the ideas. He still drops some flex in here and there to remind you what he can do, but ultimately he is serving the song and the vision. That is how I approach it now as well. I am more interested in making a good song than I am in showing people how clever I am.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

I really like “All Power to All People” from the Cargo Cults album. At the time when I wrote it there was so much chaos, it was shortly after Trump won, so the trolls and racist assholes were on full display and the resistance grift was at full force. There was a lot of blaming social media, free speech, and shutting down ideas. A lot of hand wringing about how it was the worst time in American history. I wanted to address those ideas head on because they are so wrong. I wanted to show how important maintaining these values is. I wanted to show all of the ways that the things that we were suddenly vilifying because they brought us temporary discomfort were essential to freedom and giving voice to the voiceless. I also wanted to examine how silencing ideas gives them more power. Moralists never seem to learn this. Once you let an asshole like Milo or Richard Spencer say what moronic bullshit they have to say they are exposed for the shithead idiots that they are. They become powerless. When you give them the power of your fear they win. They want the spectacle because the spectacle is all they have to offer. You do not defeat bad ideas by shutting them out, you defeat them by exposing them as bad ideas.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

There is a bar on the title track from the Words Hurt album Soul Music for the Soulless where I say “Watching stranger things and hanging upside down like Poppa Large”. It is a little line in a bigger song but it has been my favorite line for quite some time. I don’t really remember the origin of it, other than it has a few layers to it. Stranger Things has the mirror world called “the upside down” and in the video for the Ultramagnetic MCs song “Poppa Large,” Kool Keith spends a portion of the video hanging from his feet upside down. I don’t know why but it is still my favorite bar ever.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I punch in all the time. I have zero issue with it as long as you can perform it when you get on stage and the punch is not obvious. We are trying to make the best song we can. If that means a punch, so be it.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

I don’t spend much time with hip hop in general these days. I actively avoid it because I am writing so much. I find that when I am writing and listening I subconsciously bite what I am listening to. I tend to mostly listen to Jazz and podcasts. When I am seeking inspiration I will usually read.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

I used to when I was trying to impress others. After the second Hangar 18 album which was meh, I made a promise to myself to a. Only make music for myself, I don’t care if anyone else likes it as long as I do, and b. To only make music if I have something I want to say or if it is fun. From that point on I have had zero self-doubt because I was making exactly what I wanted to make and doing exactly what I wanted to do. There is a passage in this Carlos Castaneda book talking about self-doubt and how it is a self created and a construct of our ego. I think when you go into something without ego, even if it fails to achieve what you hoped, you can accept it for what it is and that allows you to be present and enjoy what you are doing.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Shit, so many. Woods, Castro, Zilla, Alex Ludavico, Theravada, Blueprint, Moses Rockwell, it goes on and on. It is why I don’t listen to rap that much anymore. I mean I check it when it drops but I no longer obsess over it because too often it leaks into whatever I am working on.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

Outside of making myself happy there is no agenda or concern.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

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lady-une · 6 years

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Always and Forever

So the other day i was feeling kind of soft and Jay was dancing his way through my head like he always is. After looking at some writing prompts i came up with this. I hope you enjoy and i also did a mood board so yay me! As always big thanks to my luv @tears-of-orphans for doing a quick read on this. And please share if you could and let me know what you think!

Pairing: Jay park and reader (f)

Theme: best friends

rating: cute for soft jay

word count: 3135

You slowly dragged your tired body into your apartment, fully exhausted from a long day at work. Today like any day you often wondered if all these late hours were really worth it. Would the upper management even acknowledge all the hard work you were putting in? Would you finally get that position you have been after for years? Kicking your heels off and dropping your stuff on the floor near the door you walk your way over to the bed and fall into it. Grabbing the pillow from the head of the bed you snuggle into it letting out a long sigh, finally feeling all the stress escape your body. Just as you felt your body falling into the deep sleep you were disturbed by your phone loudly going off. You reach for another pillow to cover your face trying to drown out the loud ringing, eventually it stopped and you smiled only for it to start again. You knew who was calling and the last thing you wanted to do was go out. You continue to ignore it until finally it stops all together, you smile as you take the pillow off your face thinking you can finally get some rest. A rhythmic knocking at your door had your eyes shooting open followed by your phone starting back up.

You clamp your eyes shut wishing your friend would let you rest in peace but in the end you get up off your bed and walk over to the door opening it so your friend can enter your small quaint apartment.

“Y/n, why didn’t you pick up your phone? Plus why are you still dressed like that? You said you were going to go out with us tonight.”

You shut the door and look at your friend who was sporting the silliest puppy dog face, the one that would always get him his way but not tonight.

“Jay I am exhausted, even if I went out with you guys I don’t think I could even stay awake. Can I take a rain check?”

“You promised, you have flopped on our plans the last couple of weeks. I was really looking forward to it. We never really get to hang out these days.”

You walk over to your bed and sit down on the edge looking up at your friend who was now pouting. You and Jay grew up together with your parents being best friends. When he left the states, you were lost without him but he always made time to keep in touch with you. When you had finally made the choice to move to Korea to further your career you had thought it would only be a small stay. Four years later and you were still here trying to get a name for yourself in the fashion world. Not everyone could be like Jay making their own way, he was living his dream and you were always so proud of him. While your dream was to have your own fashion magazine, you knew it probably wouldn’t happen so you just decided instead of being your own boss you would allow someone else to tell you how to do things and fetch their coffee.

“I know and I am sorry Jay, it’s just things are crazy at work and I really want this promotion.”

“Y/N I don’t know why you stay there, they don’t appreciate all that you do for them. Why won’t you just let me help you start your own magazine?”

“Because I don’t want to get hand me outs, I want to work for my own stuff. But let’s not talk about that, you have a party to get to and I have a nice hot shower I need to take before I crash for the night.”

Standing from your bed you make your way to your dresser grabbing an old shirt and sleep shorts along with your undergarments before making your way to the shower. Stopping with your hand on the door knob you look back at Jay.

“Make sure you lock up and maybe we can do coffee tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

The shower felt amazing on your aching muscles, you didn’t even know you were hurting in some spots until you felt the muscles relax under the hot streams coming from the shower head. With the bathroom nice and steamy you move from the water stream to sit on the edge of the bath tub. You couldn’t help but think about Jay’s face when you turned him down yet again. You hated breaking your promises but work had to come first, being the man Jay was with his work ethic you knew he understood. Yet it didn’t make you feel any better as you missed him as well. You missed the late nights of relaxing and watching random shows on the TV. A laugh escaped your lips thinking back to the one day in November where you two sat watching iron chef, they were cooking Turkeys and one decided to make his in a pig bladder. Jay had made a comment that maybe it would taste like bacon while the idea of it being in a bladder no matter how much they cleaned it repulsed you. Eventually the water became cold and you knew it was time to get out. You went through your nightly facial routine before getting dressed and exiting the bathroom.

Upon leaving the bathroom you stopped right in your tracks at what you saw. There lounging on your bed was Jay wearing a pair of his sweat pants he left at your place and no shirt. Your eyes then noticed the bags of food sitting on your little kitchen table with the smell of your favorite restaurant filling your nostrils.

“Jay what are you doing here? I thought you left?”

“I did leave, I went and got food for us. I called the guys and told them to go on without me, I needed to spend some time with my girl.”

You felt the blush creep up your chest to your cheeks as it always did when he called you that. You knew he didn’t mean anything by it, it was just a pet name he gave you back in grade school that just stuck with you. He started calling you that when the girls were making fun of you for the lovely teenage blemishes you had. What Jay didn’t know was that’s when your feelings changed for him, you didn’t see him as the older brother anymore instead he became the boy your cherished and grew into the man you wanted to spend your life with. Turning from Jay and walking to the food gave you a chance to collect yourself, you knew things would never be that way with Jay and you had to keep yourself in check.

“Jay you didn’t have to.”

“Well I had no choice, I want to spend time with you before we go on tour.”

The reminder of his upcoming tour made your heart ache. It was already hard enough to find time with both of your schedules but add on a tour and the fact that he won’t even be in the same country made the pain worse. You close your eyes to keep the tears at bay and when you open them Jay is right next to you with some bowls to put your food in. You look at him and let a small smile grace your face. With both of your bowls full of your food you make your way back to the bed to sit and watch TV.

“What do you feel like watching Y/N?”

“I don’t know, put something funny on.”

Jay pulls up the guide and looks for something finally setting on the movie “White Chicks”, it was a movie that you two loved to watch. You both laughed between bites at the Wayne’s brothers antics. It always bugged you that no one could tell that they were men horribly dressed up as two small women, yet it made for a good comedy movie. That’s Hollywood for you, hell that’s pretty much the entertainment world. Jay use to tease you all the time for your love of Sailormoon, himself not understanding how the people couldn’t put two and two together. As if there are multiple young teenage girls running around with blonde long meatball hair styles, either that or everyone was just plain daft. Soon enough the credits were rolling and you were both finished with your food. Jay not entirely ready to leave you for the night suggested an old school show to watch.

“How are we going to watch it? I doubt MTV has that on their website.”

“I actually found a YouTube channel that has all the episodes of FEAR on it, I have been waiting to watch it with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I remember us always talking about how we would go on the show once we got older. That we could outlast all those wimps and wouldn’t even get scared.”

“Oh my god yes! They were horrible with how they would get scarred at the littlest things.”

“So you wanna watch it?”

“Hell yes!”

“Go put the bowls in the sink and turn the lights off while I get it up on the TV.”

With a new round of energy you grabbed the two bowls and went to the sink rinsing them off before leaving them to wash later. Walking to the light switch you turn it off and turn to go back to the bed. Stopped yet again at the sight of him on your bed only being illuminated by the glow of the TV as he has tongue stuck between his lips while he searches for the channel he was talking about. The man was a sex god to so many fans, all of the comments on his social media never allowed you to think otherwise. Women and men leaving comments about how their oppa looked sexy dancing or how they knew what he could do with that tongue of his. Yet you saw him as your best friend. The dorky silly kid who let you dress him up when you were 5 because you wouldn’t stop crying that you had no one to play dress up with. The silly kid who would always pull pranks on you but never allowed anyone else to. The best friend who always stood up for you against the bullies. The best friend who punched a boy breaking his nose because he wouldn’t shut up about how developed you were in the chest compared to the other girls. Jay was your everything but he would never be truly yours.

“Earth to Y/N, come in Y/N.”

“What?”

“What are you thinking about over there, I have been calling your name but you stood there like a zombie. Are you really that tired? I can go if you wanna sleep.”

“Oh uh sorry, got lost in a thought. No don’t go, let’s watch our show.”

Jay stood off the bed to pull the covers back and you climbed right in scooting to your spot near the wall. Since Jay often would have to get up and leave at random times in the night you always slept near the wall so he wouldn’t have to climb over you. With Jay finally settled under the covers next to you he hit play and the familiar intro music filled the dark room.

The show was just as cheesy as it was all those years ago before the found footage style of film took off. The cast was strapped with cameras to their chest and their helmets, allowing them to capture everything as they went on their solo and sometimes companion missions around the dark eerie location they were camped out in. You laughed at some of the comments they were making or how they were acting. Yet being Jay, he knew exactly when to strike, his hand jumped out to grab you on the side just as a scary part came on causing you to shout a loud curse as you jumped damn near off the bed. You turn your head to glare at Jay but all you see is his had thrown back as loud hard bits of laughter came from his mouth. He was laughing so hard that his hands went around his waist to hold it as the laughter was causing his stomach to hurt.

“Ha ha, laugh it up Jay. Just you wait, your turn will come soon enough!”

“I couldn’t help myself, you were so in tuned with the show I couldn’t pass up the chance. Whatever you dish out will be worth it to see you jump and cuss like that.”

“Mhmm, we will see about that.”

You grab a small pillow and smack Jay across the chest with it.

“Pabo.”

He grabs the pillow from your hand and tosses it to the ground before his arm comes around your shoulder puling you to him so your head can rest on him.

“I’m sorry, I will try to hold the scares in I promise.”

The episode ends and another starts as you let out a yawn, the round of energy was finally starting to fizzle out.

“Sit up.”

You look at Jay before following his command, you sitting up allowed him to shimmy his way down on the bed. With him fully laid back he grabbed your arm and pulled you back down so your head was laying on his chest. This wasn’t anything new to the two of you, you often would snuggle like this when watching a movie or when you two were just relaxing listening to music. Another yawn escaped your mouth and you nuzzled your face into his chest taking in the comfort he was providing you.

“Close your eyes Y/N and get some sleep.”

“No, I wanna watch some more episodes with you.”

“The episodes aren’t going anywhere.”

“No but you are, you will probably leave once I am asleep. Then you will be gone on tour and we will be back to the dark ages of doing video messages or just texting.”

“Nothing I can do about that, if I could I would drag you with on this tour but I doubt that would be possible with your job.”

“No it’s not, I am just going to miss you.”

“I know and I will miss you too but I will be back before you know it, plus we can spend all the time possible together before I go.”

“I hope so.”

“We will.”

“Besides, I couldn’t come anyways. Me being there would cramp your style and you would lose out on the tour booty.”

“Oh whatever, you know damn well I don’t fuck around like that. Girls are crazy out there, I am not trying to get caught up in some baby mama scandal or some shit.”

You laugh knowing he was telling the truth, no matter what the media tried to portray he wasn’t the fuck boy everyone says he is. He was like any other man wanting only one girl in his life, to have that strong connection to the woman he loved. He eventually wanted the whole package, the wife and kids but now wasn’t the right time for that. You smile as you feel Jay move to lay facing you with you still fully in his arms. His free hand went to your hair to caress it like how you loved, knowing it always helped you fall asleep. His chest started to vibrate as he hummed a soft melody causing your eyes to get extremely heavy. Your breathing evened and you could feel yourself falling into that warm embrace of slumber. Some time passes before you hear Jay speak.

“Y/N, are you sleeping?”

You don’t answer as you can’t even find the energy to open your mouth.

“You must be. I wish I had the courage to say this when your awake but I don’t. Call me a coward because that’s what I am.”

You felt his chest raise with the deep breath he took, you were fully awake but tried to keep your breathing the same to not let him know you could hear him.

“After all these years I still can’t say this to your face, but I love you. God I have loved you since we were kids but I didn’t even know it back then. The years we were apart were the worst, with all the bullshit I went through I just wanted you here with me. Now that I have you here I don’t ever want to let you go. No woman could ever measure up to you, none of those girls who throw themselves at me could ever replace you in my heart. But to see you with a guy is probably the most painful thing I ever have to go through, but I do it because I want you happy. This tour is going to be so hard on me and I wish I could share these feelings with you but I can’t. I know you only see me as a brother and best friend, that’s why I won’t ever say anything. I don’t want to make you run away from me. Just know that I love you.”

You can feel the tears prickling at your eyes trying to escape and you couldn’t even make a sniffle or an any other noise because you didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable knowing you heard everything. But god you wanted to pick your head up and tell him what he meant to you, to tell him that you felt the same way. That you have felt that way for years! But you didn’t move, you staid in that same spot even when be dipped his head to lightly touch his lips against yours. You stayed that way until you felt his chest rise and fall in a slow pattern signaling that he had fall asleep. It was then that you slowly moved away to prop yourself up a bit to look down at him as you wiped the tears that fell. His face was so peaceful with his lips slightly parted, how you wanted to wake him back up and tell him you loved him. Instead like the coward you were you also finally spoke the words you have held back for years.

“I love you too Jay, always have and always will.”

You slowly lowered yourself back down into his embrace and felt him pull you closer as he rubbed his face in your hair taking in your scent. You closed your eyes and let out a sigh but your eyes shot open when you heard his voice.

“Always and forever Y/N.”

#side note i really do love watching iron chef #the episode in question was one i watched back in high school and really wanted to try #please share my stuff lol #jay park one shot #jay park scenario #jay park scenarios #jay park imagine #jay park fanfic #jay park #jay fucking park #jay park imagines #jay park story #soft jay park

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podcastcoach · 4 years

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You Can't Buy An Audience If Your Podcast Sucks

Today we talk about the 1.7 billion dollar mistake that was Quibi and how we can learn from their mistake. We also take a look at the power of follow up questions, and the best place to buy gear.

Table of Contents

01:22 Your Favorite Podcast - Send in Your Answer 02:56 Now That's A Good Question: Howard Stern and Wolfgang Van Halen 06:35 Join the School of Podcasting 07:33 Lessons From Quibi 13:24 They Blew Their Launch 16:12 Big Name Celebrities 19:02 Make It Easy To Share Your Content 21:05 It's Not the Tech 23:28 Clueless About the Competition 29:49 Who is the Audience? 33:29 The Best Place to Buy Gear: Sweetwater 36:07 Your Audience Awaits Exercise

How to Avoid the 1.7 Billion Dollar Mistake that Was Quibi

Quibi is an over-the-top American short-form streaming platform that generates content for viewing on mobile devices. It was founded in Los Angeles in August 2018 as NewTV by Jeffrey Katzenberg (chairman of Walt Disney Studios from 1984 to 1994) and is led by Meg Whitman ( She is a board member of Procter & Gamble and Dropbox. Whitman was previously president and CEO of Hewlett Packard Enterprise), its CEO.

In 2019 Variety reported that Quibi had secured 100 million dollars in advertising before the service had even launched.

On February 2, 2020, they spent $5.6 million for 30 seconds on an ad in the Super Bowl that was seen by a reported 99.9 million viewers. That is $18 per person if you round up. This for a service where subscribers can get the service for $5 per month with ads, or $8 per month without them. That $5.6 million was a drop in the bucket.

The commercial was really stupid and didn't really answer or explain what the heck it was. You just knew it was less than 10 minutes. They explained what is was, but not so much why it was or how you would benefit.

It raised $1.75 billion from investors. It had a variety of shows featuring originals with Jennifer Lopez, Chrissy Teigen, Chance the Rapper, Liam Hemsworth, Sophie Turner, Lena Waithe, Nicole Richie, Reese Witherspoon. Quibi offered a 90-day free trial to those who sign up on its website before April 6. Overall, it plans to release 175 original shows and 8,500 episodes in the first year.

Their lineup has a ton of stars, celebrities, etc

It launched on April 6, 2020. It is set to shut down "on or about" December 1, 2020. December 1 is 239 days. That is $7,322,175.73 a day. Here is my thoughts on why this was such an epic fail.

They Blew Their Launch

When you spend $5.6 million dollars on a Super Bowl ad, they should have an idea what you do and what is in it for them. In the event, the ad inspired people to check out the service (it didn't), you should be able to go check it out and not have to wait four months. Yes, you can build buzz, but for me, I never heard from quibi again.

Putting All Their Faith in Celebrities

Here are some of the names that appear on shows: Jennifer Lopez, Kristen Bell, Nick Jonas, Tracy Morgan, Aaron Rodgers, Yara Shahidi, Gabriel Iglesias, Anthony Davis, Kevin Hart and Karlie Kloss. Cardi B, Chance the Rapper, Dapper Dan, Jay Leno, and Wolfgang Puck (and that's just some).

The people involved had experience Phil Abraham has directed the Sopranos, Madmen, Daredevil, Ozark.

No Compelling Content

Yet, there was no breakout show that inspired the people who had found Quibi to tell a friend about Quibi. Nobody was compelled to tell a friend. They did recaps of the previous days news or sports updates. WOW what revolutionary content!

They Made it Hard To Share

According to Media Analyst Josh Consine there was no sharing capability (no screenshots) which limited your ability to go viral. When it first launched you could only watch it on your phone. There were no apps, not Fire TV, Chromecast. They made it "hard" to consume. They took away choices from the consumer.

They Put Their Faith in the Tech

One thing that set them apart was a feature called Turnstyle. This meant that if you rotate the phone horizontal to verticle, you would get a different camera angle. Neat? Sure. Something so cool I had to tell my friends? Apparently not as I had never heard of it until I started researching how you blow 1.7 billion and lose. In a nutshell, Turnstyle served you two video streams simultaneously and “stitches them together” with a single audio track.

Since we're talking about the Tech, a company sued Quibi shortly after their launch company called Eko alleged that Quibi stole the technology after Eko demoed it to employees of the company, including founder and chairman Jeffrey Katzenberg. Even when you have billions in funding, lawsuits are expensive.

Clueless About the Competition

They were charging $5/$8 a month for new content. Look at Disney, Netflix, Hul. While they have original content, they all have old favorites as well. They also have a way to add more than one person under your account (so when your kids login under your account your recommendations don't all turn into cartoons). This was not the case to Quibi. It figured each person was watching on their phone. One person per account. This gets expensive and now anyone who wants to see what you're talking about has to use your phone.

It is reported that CEO Whitman repeatedly said "We're not competing with Netflix." Think about that one for a minute. That's like a radio station saying, "All of our songs are under four minutes long. We don't compete with other stations."

Lack Of Focus Group?

In one article that was published right after they launched it stated, "Quibi’s executives have hinted that the company will deliver on a TV experience if customer feedback and data warrant it. " Well they did add support for Apple's airplay and Chromecast, but at the expense of the Turnstyle technology. They did release an app for Roku and Fire TV - the day before they announced were closing down.

It seemed like they didn't understand how people used their phones or consumed content.

Did they think that because the average length of a YouTube video is 11 minutes that making "short" videos would be the key? Meanwhile, TikTok was taking off with all sorts of celebrities making their own channels. TikTok is free. Did Quibi follow the Facebook strategy and buy them or "borrow features" and add them to their platform? No. They were doing something different and nobody cared.

They Didn't Answer the Number Question: WHO IS YOUR AUDIENCE

The idea was people could watch these short clips while waiting in line, or on the bus. When you think of people consuming content on their phone you might think it would be younger people. Yet you're trying to attract those people with Steven Spielberg and Jay Leno? Sure Cardi B appeared in an episode, but they needed to define. If the content is for busy people, who are the busy people and what do they want to watch?

According to an article in Forbes, Katzenberg and Whitman said, "We created a new form of mobile-first premium storytelling."

They did. But the stories weren't any good.

Now That's a Good Question

02:56 Today we listen to Howard Stern ask a great follow-up question to Wolfgang Van Halen. While he started off with a yes/no question, but then asked a few follow-up questions lead to the information you can't get anyplace else, and listen to how Howard shuts up and lets Wolfgang wrestle with a potentially uncomfortable topic.

Sweetwater is My New Favorite Place to Order Gear

33:29 My co-host for Ask the Podcast Coach Jim Collison ordered something from Sweetwater and told me about their INSANE customer service. I recently saw where they were one of the few people to have the new Zoom Podtrak P4 IN STOCK and I see what he means. I was called to let me know my order had shipped, and to let me know if I had any issues I could call them. So here is why I think they are the best:

Prices are just as good (and in some cases better) than Amazon

Free shipping (even on small stuff)

Built-in two-year warranty

Free tech support

Payment plans available if needed.

My goal is to build more of a relationship with Sweetwater (as I have a dedicated rep) which should keep me in touch with podcasting technology going forward. In full disclosure, I earn a referral reward (but that's why I ordered something as I wanted to see for myself)

Your Audience Awaits Exercise

I'm listening to the book Unhackable: The 30-Day Elixir for Creating Flawless Ideas, Leveraging Superhuman Focus, and Achieving Optimal Performance Through Flow its a very interesting book that you can listen/read to one chapter per day. The one exercise was to write yourself an email from your future audience as is these people who are waiting for you to start your show. SO MANY TIMES I hear people worried about having trolls or people say negative things. I say, What about ALL THE POSITIVE that could happen?

Think of going to your inbox and see an email with the title, "Just wanted to say Thank you." You open it and it starts, "Hello, I just wanted to reach out. You may not believe this but due to your podcast....

and the listener explains how you made them feel. How they no longer felt alone. How they were taken to a place where the stress of work, life, and more melted away.

This could happen. But your podcast can't help people if you don't start your podcast. You can't update a show that doesn't exist. Please let me help you, as your audience is waiting.

Check out this episode!

#podcasting #podcast #coaching #new media

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whimzea-blog · 7 years

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Hotter Sex with Your Man- Tonight! (part 2)

This fic is heavily influenced one of my very favorite series, the Anti-Kink verse. This chapter is inspired by Heath’s latest vlog lol

***

1. Try couples yoga with your partner. You will gain more awareness of each other’s bodies, as well as improve your flexibility and strength. And the view probably won’t be bad, either!

“You know what I think we should do for this week’s challenge video?” Heath said to Zane, trying to keep his voice casual. They were in the mall, arms laden with Best Buy bags and Starbucks

“What, baby?” Zane replied distractedly after Heath cleared his throat. Zane was looking at one of those huge maps they have in malls that tell you where the stores are, trying to find out where Foot Locker was.

“The couples yoga challenge.”

When Zane didn’t say anything, Heath continued nervously. “I know a lot of people have done it already, but they always get tons of views and I think it would be kind of fun.”

Heath didn’t actually want to film a yoga challenge; it was a ruse. The magazine had suggested couples yoga as a way to improve one’s sex life, and since it was pretty tame, he thought it was a good way to start.

Zane started walking in the direction of Foot Locker, Heath hurrying behind. Heath wasn’t sure that Zane had actually heard what he’d said, so he opened his mouth to speak again when Zane responded.

“Do you think that’s a good idea? Remember when you tried to touch your toes a couple weeks ago? You looked like a ninety-year-old,” Zane said, raising an eyebrow. “You could break your back.”

"I’ve been stretching more at the gym,” Heath said defensively, which was sort of true. He had stretched. Twice.

“I guess we could try it. I’d like to see you in a nice pair of yoga pants,” Zane leered, his eyes on Heath’s ass.

Jesus, he was already thinking about sex, and they hadn’t even rolled out the yoga mat yet. Did Cosmo actually know stuff?

***

“I think we should do some practice poses first,” Heath said, kneeling on the large mat they had bought. They had already stretched at Zane’s insistence, and Heath was feeling confident. He wasn’t wearing yoga pants, but the shorts he was wearing were pretty fucking...short.

“Okay,” Zane agreed. He reached over and maximized the tab on the laptop that had the yoga website. He clicked on “easy couples poses” and several photos popped on to the screen.

“These are easy?” Heath asked, looking back and forth from the screen to Zane with wide eyes.

“I mean, yeah, for people who aren’t 90,” Zane said innocently. Heath hit him hard in the arm.

The first pose had the base on the floor, kneeling, their chest touching their knees and their head touching the floor, like they were praying at Mecca. The flyer was standing and bent at the waist, facing the opposite way and placing their hands on the base’s back.

“I’ll be the standing one,” Zane said immediately. Heath glared at him and Zane shrugged.

Heath got into position, holding on to Zane’s ankles. He felt Zane bend over and touch his back. This actually stretched out his lower back nicely, and he could feel Zane’s hands drifting to slide under this shorts. Success?

Zane looked at the viewfinder. “We’re doing it!”

Feeling confident, they tried a couple more easy poses. Zane was always the flyer, as it usually required more flexibility. They had successfully done a pose where Heath had been on his stomach with his chest and head tilted up, his arms being pulled backwards by Zane, was leaning back so his upper body made a nice “C” shape.

“We’re actually not bad at this,” Heath remarked, a little surprised. “Let’s do one more practice pose. Then we can start filming. But I get to choose this last one.”

Heath had seen this pose when he’d been researching the pose earlier, and he thought it would be a good segue into sexy time. It was barely a pose at all, so there was little room for error.

One would think.

The base laid flat on their back, with the flyer laying on top of the base’s body, also on their back, their arms stretched out. It was a great excuse for Heath to have his ass on Zane’s cock.

He pushed Zane on the floor before crawling between his legs and laying down on his back. He could feel Zane solid beneath him, Zane’s arms wrapping around his waist to pull him closer. Heath stretched his arms out and turned his head so his face was inches from Zane’s. He moved closer, ready to place a kiss on Zane’s lips. But before he could, he sneezed.

It was so unexpected and strong that Heath whipped his head, hard.

“Fuck!” Zane shouted, rolling out from under Heath so Heath fell on to the floor. Heath was mortified and was about to apologize for snotting on Zane when Zane turned over, holding his nose.

When he took his hand away, Heath saw blood streaming out of Zane’s nostrils, over his lips and dripping onto his thighs and the yoga mat.

“You smashed your head into my fucking nose, Heath!” Zane squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back, trying to stop the bleeding. Heath stared at him in total shock.

“Get me a paper towel or something!” Zane yelled at him, and Heath scrambled to his feet and ran to the kitchen, grabbing the entire roll and ripping off a few sheets. Zane took them and held them to his nose, groaning.

“I guess we won’t be doing the video,” Heath finally said. Or, he added to himself, fucking. How could this have gone so horribly wrong?

“No fucking kidding,” Zane huffed.

Heath looked from the mat to the bedroom, almost heart-broken. So much for sex tip #1.

#zeath #zeath fic

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brynne-lagaao · 7 years

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(Fanfic) Set in Stone - Chapter Fifteen

Title: Set in Stone

Pairing: Sarumi

Chapter: 15/18

Rating: M

Mirrors: AO3 | Website

Summary: Yata wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he performed a summon on his own in a fit of drunken loneliness. It definitely wasn’t some asshole demon with a bad attitude, even if that demon happened to be frustratingly hot. But breaking their contract was going to mean working together, and he wasn’t sure how much of that he could take before he snapped… one way or another.

Note: Thank you to @dropletons for being my beta and to @chromekins for helping with the magic aspect. This fic is not entirely accurate in terms of modern magic and the demon lore was basically made up to suit the story, but I tried to keep somewhat of an authentic feel, so hopefully that succeeded.

It wasn’t too late when Yata woke on the morning of the solstice – at least, not compared to the day before. Well before noon, anyway.

For once, Fushimi – Saruhiko, he had to remind himself, with a tiny rush of triumph from the previous night’s success – was still asleep too, breathing heavy and even against the back of his neck. Yata couldn’t help but smile a little at the sensation. It was sorta nice to wake up to, despite the discomfort of being crammed into the same bed. One of Saruhiko’s arms was slung carelessly over him, probably something that had happened during the night since they’d started out back to back, and their skin was in contact. It was too hot and Yata’s knees were hanging off the edge of the bed, but he still liked it. It was… intimate.

They’d fucked again when they got in the night before, reaching for each other in unspoken consensus immediately after the door had shut behind them. It had been slower and less urgent than the previous night, but just as amazing; the feeling when their bodies joined brought out a deep satisfaction in Yata. Not just the physical sensation of Saruhiko moving inside him, but… Well, it was hard to explain.

He liked it, though. A lot.

Guess it has been a while. Not just for sex, but the little things, too – like waking up next to someone. It was a really good feeling.

It was clear out again that day, too; Yata could tell by the light streaming in through the little window above them. If they were doing any more charging, it probably would’ve been a good time for it.

The thought brought the stones back to the front of his mind; without really considering it, he reached under his pillow and slid the moonstone free, moving slowly to try and avoid jostling Saruhiko. It was smooth against his fingers as he rolled it absently in his hand, watching the light catch against the ice-like cracks within. He could feel the sun’s power within it, warm and inviting, and it seemed to give that glitter less of a sharp edge – more welcoming, even as it maintained its cool beauty.

For some reason, he felt like he was gonna miss having it when they had to hand them back in. It set off a little pang in his chest just thinking about it.

Saruhiko shifted behind him, a low moan muffled against the pillow behind Yata’s head, and the arm draped against his side moved sluggishly. A huff of warm breath hit the back of his neck, making the fine hairs rise up, and then Saruhiko was mumbling out a sleepy-sounding, “What are you doing?”

“Huh? Nothing.” Yata closed his fingers around the stone, cutting it off from view, and tilted his head to try and aim a smile over his shoulder. “Morning.”

“Mm.” Saruhiko sighed again, breath ghosting along Yata’s skin again, and then he shifted again, hand bracing purposefully on Yata’s abdomen so that his fingers teased the line of his underwear. “Morning,” he drawled, low and throaty with sleep but still carrying that teasing undertone.

Yata couldn’t have stopped the lazy grin spreading on his face if he’d wanted to, reveling in the beginning prickle of arousal as his body responded.

This was an invitation he wasn’t about to turn down.

After they’d finished and cleaned up, Saruhiko asked him, “Does the Captain ever ask you to work on the solstice?”

“Nope.” Yata stepped into his shoes, turning as he adjusted them. “I’m part of another coven, so the shit I do for him can’t get in the way of that. We don’t have a real contract or anything – I just do that stuff on the side – but he’s gotta know that’s how it is.”

“Yeah, he would.” Saruhiko frowned slightly. “There are a lot of limitations to what you can do for him, huh?” he mused, almost to himself. “I wonder how he plans to fill that gap.”

Yata raised an eyebrow. “What d’you mean?”

“Nothing.” Saruhiko shook his head. “Never mind.”

“Huh.” Yata eyed him for a second longer, then shrugged it off. “Okay.”

Homra was busy when they arrived, which was more or less what he'd expected, with it being solstice. Normally they didn't do regular meet-ups unless there was a major spell-casting planned so it was kinda hard to get everyone together at once, but there were certain occasions when everyone went out of their way to be there. Both solstice holidays fit into that category - and with Homra's ruling aspect being the sun, the summer solstice was always the most energetic. So when he swung open the door with his usual greeting on his lips and was met immediately by the lively blend of sounds coming from his friends within, it was warm and familiar.

“Yo, Yata-san!” Kamamoto greeted him boisterously, and grinned when he caught sight of Saruhiko behind him. “Yo, Fushimi.”

“Still here, hm?” Totsuka added, with a smile.

Saruhiko clicked his tongue, but didn't respond. Yata offered a sheepish grin and a shrug.

“Man.” The response came from Chitose this time, who was leaning back against the back with both elbows braced on it. He shook his head, letting out a mocking sigh. “The rest of us can't bring dates, but Yata’s allowed his demon boyfriend, huh? That's favoritism for ya.”

Boyfriend. Yata shot him a frown, trying to cover the little wriggling feeling of something within him responding to the word. “Hey, not like I have a choice here!”

Chitose spread his hands in a ‘what can you do’ manner, that teasing smile still on his face. “Noticed you’re not denying the 'boyfriend' part.”

Somehow, that caught him off-guard. Yata blinked. “That’s...”

Saruhiko clicked his tongue before the silence could become more telling. “There’s only so many times you can tell a joke before it starts to get old and predictable,” he muttered. Lowering his voice even further to a tone that sounded almost dark, he added, “Anyway, I won’t be around to bother you for too much longer.”

“Ah...” It was the truth, but somehow it strung a funny, almost painful chord in Yata's chest. He cleared his throat to cover it up, and nodded, avoiding the oddly compelling urge to turn and catch Saruhiko’s expression. “R-right. What he said.”

The hell’s up with me lately?

“Well, it shouldn’t be a problem for one solstice celebration,” Kusanagi cut in smoothly. He offered Saruhiko a smile. “Consider yourself our guest this time, Fushimi.”

Saruhiko didn't respond; when Yata turned to sneak a glance, he was standing with his gaze turned slightly, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched. It was a casual enough pose for him, but with the fresh insights of the night before, somehow it now struck Yata as... really awkward. It was obvious that Saruhiko felt out of place.

If he was younger... fresh and enthusiastic and thinking the world of his newfound coven... he probably would’ve shrugged that off and tried to pull Fushimi along into his circle of friends. Assuming everyone felt like him, and just bulling ahead with his own interests...

That was in the past, though. Yata swallowed back the little rush of self-consciousness and went with his instincts. “You got the decorations ready, Kusanagi-san? We'll go on ahead and set up.”

His older friend tilted his head, a considering look in his eyes. “If you want. It’ll be a few hours yet before the rest of us can join you.”

“Yeah, it’s cool.” Yata shrugged. “We can take our time flying out there.” He grinned over his shoulder. “You’re up for it, right, Saruhiko?”

That expression he caught was that vaguely bewildered one again. It was familiar by now, but it still felt like Yata’s heart kicked up a notch or two when he saw it. He wasn't sure why, but as usual Saruhiko seemed to shutter up almost as soon as their eyes met. He reached up to push his glasses higher on his nose, momentarily causing them to catch the light and hide his eyes from view. “It’s fine.”

Totsuka let out a low whistle, breaking into the moment. “‘Saruhiko’, eh?”

“Huh?” Oh – right. Yata turned sharply, already waving his hands with a kind of flustered ferocity even as he felt warmth build on his face. He still wasn’t used to it himself, using that name, so it felt weird to have someone else commenting on it. “W-wait, that’s – that’s just – ”

“Misaki.” Anna’s quiet voice cut through his babbling. She’d crossed the room while he’d had his head turned and was now standing in front of him, holding out a box full of what looked like fresh red flowers. “Use these to decorate.”

“Oh.” It would’ve been hard to deny her anything when she offered that tiny smile, eyes seeming to shine despite the calm expression. Yata took the box, letting the rest of it go as he smiled back ruefully. “Yeah, leave it to me!”

“I’ve got the rest in the back room,” Kusanagi added. “If you’re planning to head out right away, want to grab 'em now?”

“Of course!”

He ended up leaving the flowers to Saruhiko, who didn't offer much beyond a muttered ‘why should I have to help?’ even as he took the box. The second load, which was quite a bit heavier, Yata took himself, and they set out like that.

Despite the fact that he’d talked about taking their time as they flew over, he didn’t linger in the air for too long. Not because the burden he was carrying was all that cumbersome – he’d handled worse, and for longer – but because he was anxious to settle somewhere he could actually talk with Saruhiko. There wasn’t anything specific to say, but somehow he was eager for it all the same. It was funny: even though they were together all the time, lately he found himself looking forward to those interactions more and more.

It was… weird, honestly. Things had changed a lot between them. And maybe some of it was the last few days being really intense, but in a way it kinda felt like those last few days were another symptom rather than the cause.

Still, he had no idea what the cause was. It was bugging him, like an itch he couldn’t reach to scratch.

“So?” Saruhiko asked him after they’d landed and set their burdens down at the scorched patch of land near the grove of trees that concealed his garden. “What do you do once you’re out here?”

“Decorate. Well, sorta.” Yata offered him a grin. “We can at least get the bells and flowers out so they look decent. Anna will probably want to move things around a bit when she sees it, but it’s easier than doing it all at once when she gets here.”

“If you say so.” Saruhiko looked from the boxes to the sparse trees in the area, expression dubious. “Where exactly are you planning to hang them all?”

“We got a couple of folding posts I just gotta set up – plus the trees.” Yata shrugged, setting his hands on his hips as he surveyed the area. “It’s kinda sparse and all, but the fae don’t mind as long as there’s a good party going.” At that, he smirked. “If you don’t watch out, they’ll prank you.”

Saruhiko raised an eyebrow. “I’ll manage somehow. Either way…” He raised his hand, languidly turning it up and materializing a copy of one of the red flowers Anna had given them. “If you’re worried about decorations being sparse, I can help with that.”

Yata blinked, momentarily startled, and then shook his head, smile turning sheepish. “Right, that – I kinda forgot.” Looking up from the illusion to meet Saruhiko’s gaze, he added, “You’re a pretty useful guy to have around, huh?”

Saruhiko’s eyelids lowered just a bit, lips turning up in a small, almost mocking smile – but without the usual edge. “I wonder how you’d react if you could hear yourself say that when we first met.”

Somehow, that look made his heart skip a beat. “Yeah, well things change when you get to know a guy.” On impulse – and because the feeling swelling up in his chest flooded him with the urge to do it – he took a step closer, reaching out to brush his fingers over Saruhiko’s. Even that simple contact set off the pleasant flutter in his belly, shivering through his body and along his skin.

Saruhiko blinked at him, clearly taken aback, and then shut his eyes, letting out a small, amused huff. “This morning wasn’t enough, huh?”

“Eh?” Yata frowned, puzzled – and then the meaning struck all at once and he jerked his hand back, mortification surging up fast and furious within him. “Th-That’s not what I was going for, you asshole!”

“Hm?” The little mocking hum came at the same time as Saruhiko opened his eyes to half mast, a lazy smirk on his lips. “Could’ve fooled me.” He turned his own hand, letting the flower dissipate. “Well, not like I mind.”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t.” Yata snorted, reaching up to scratch at the back of his head with a kind of confused and flustered energy. Had he been giving off a vibe like that? He hadn’t thought of it that way, but maybe…

Fuck, who knows what it feels like on his end.

It wasn’t worth thinking about too much. Yata shrugged off the embarrassment, stepping back to look around again. “Anyway, everyone else will probably get here pretty quick after we finish, but if not, we can visit my stash. Or fly around, whatever.”

Saruhiko clicked his tongue. “‘Whatever’ sounds like the best option.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Somehow, that brought a fond smile to his lips. “Fussy bastard.”

Decorating went by pretty quickly. Yata was used to it after years of Homra celebrations. With his wings, he was in the best position to get things up in high places like on the trees. He arranged the various bells and wind chimes with Anna’s flowers around them, trying to space them evenly and stifling his annoyance at Saruhiko’s critical comments long enough to fix whatever didn’t look right. When he began to set up the folding posts so that more bells and flowers could be arranged around the blackened fire pit, the help he got became more concrete – additional posts, small decorative fences, and extra flowers and bells.

There was a small breeze already, so by the time they’d finished, the area had a faint musical aura – one that Yata could feel tugging at some deep part of him. The whimsical atmosphere made him feel relaxed and energized, eagerly anticipating the festivities that they were setting up for.

Plus… the setup looked great, even if he had to say it himself.

“We make a pretty good team, huh?” he commented lightly as they surveyed the result.

There was a slight frown on Saruhiko’s face. “It wasn’t a complete disaster, I guess.”

“Heh.” Yata grinned at him in response. “That sounds a lot like ‘yeah, we’re awesome’, coming from you.”

Saruhiko clicked his tongue, glancing at him only briefly before looking away. “Think what you want.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” The pessimistic attitude wasn’t about to dampen his spirits. “I’ll bet Anna won’t even have anything for us to fix this time!”

As it turned out, Anna did have a few requests, but her first action upon leaving Kusanagi’s car was to look around slowly and then turn to smile at them. “Thank you, Misaki.” Her eyes drifted past him. “And thank you for helping, Saruhiko.”

Saruhiiko looked vaguely nonplussed with that praise. He clicked his tongue. “I didn’t do much.”

“Don’t listen to him, Anna – he helped out a lot!” Yata beamed at her. “There’s a bunch of extra stuff around here thanks to him, and we don’t even have to take it down. Pretty cool, huh?”

Chitose, who’d parked his motorcycle behind them, let out a low whistle. “Sounds like your boyfriend’s got you beat when it comes to this stuff, huh?”

“Huh? Hey, I still did most of this shit!” Belatedly, Yata remembered to add, “And he’s not my boyfriend, goddamnit!”

“Sure, sure.” Chitose laughed, shrugging, and moved to help unload the purified wood from Kusanagi’s trunk, ignoring Yata’s scowl.

“You sure are lively,” Saruhiko mumbled, sounding irritable.

Yata glanced at him. “What’s wrong with that?” Without waiting for an answer, he went ahead with, “Anyway, we’re just goofing around. This shit is normal.”

Saruhiko’s frown deepened. “Not for me,” he muttered.

It doesn’t have to be for you. The words were right on the tip of his tongue, fueled by a sudden irritation, but before he could say them, Anna said, “Misaki. I want to group those bells together.”

“Oh… right.” That snapped him out of that mood. Yata turned to offer her a sheepish smile, following the line of her finger. “You got it!”

With everyone working together, they made quick work of fixing the decorations to Anna’s satisfaction and setting up both the fire pit and the tables that were quickly loaded with food. Coolers holding the drinks were set up beside them, and Totsuka brought out his guitar to begin a counterpart to the music of the chimes and bells as the sky started to darken.

Almost time, huh?

The air was thick with magic and presence even before the fire had been lit. Yata could feel the sense of familiarity and comfort settling in his bones, and stepped back away from the lively conversation that had formed around the food and drinks and entertainment to stand slightly apart, raising his face up to greet the moon for a brief moment as it became clear in the sky on midsummer’s eve.

He was happy. It was normal, being around the people closest to him, and especially on the solstice, but somehow right then he felt it more than usual. It was strange and consuming, making him feel giddy and light – as if he’d gotten drunk on his own contentment.

“Just about time, huh?” Kusanagi’s voice cut into his thoughts; when Yata lowered his gaze, he found his older friend fixing him with what looked like an appraising gaze. “I’d give it a minute or two before we finally put Mikoto to work.”

“Ah… right.” Yata grinned back, a bit sheepish at being caught drifting. It wasn’t unusual in places this close to fae territory and on holidays where their magic could be felt in the air, but he still couldn’t help it. The comment had his gaze wandering to where Mikoto lounged near the fire pit, back up against one of the posts and eyes closed as Totsuka continued to play the guitar not far from him. “Mikoto-san is always the one who ends up tending the fire, huh?”

“It’s the only job he’ll actually do,” Kusanagi noted wryly. There was a fond undertone to his voice despite the criticism; when Yata turned back to him, he was also looking in Mikoto’s direction. “Something about dealing with fire seems to suit him, anyway.”

Not that long ago, he probably would’ve responded with something like ‘because Mikoto-san is fierce and powerful like a fire’. That sense of his old self wasn’t so far off that Yata couldn’t feel the little echo of his own overblown pride and blind hero worship from back in those days – an overzealous reaction to finding a place that he could belong to and excel in. These days, he’d tempered a lot of it but the traces were still there. Despite having spoken on a personal level with Mikoto more than once and being aware that he had burdens of his own to struggle with, the instinctive sense of awe that inspired Yata’s respect and loyalty still lingered.

Because of that, he felt the need to respond with something strongly in Mikoto’s favor, even if it wasn’t on the level of his previous thoughtless praise. “Feels like Mikoto-san is someone who could win against a fire most of the time.”

Kusanagi shot him a startled glance, and then let out a brief huff of laughter. “That’s a different way to look at it.” He shook his head. “Though, if it came down to it, you may be right.” His gaze slid past Yata then, somewhere beyond his right shoulder. “Is Fushimi all right on his own over there?”

The comment had him instantly turning his head in that direction, though he already knew what he’d see. Saruhiko had positioned himself deliberately on the outside of the celebration, his arms crossed as he stood awkwardly, head turned as if he were studying something in the distance with fascination. When Yata had first noticed him doing it, he’d gone out and suggested that Saruhiko come in and join the group, which had earned him a click of Saruhiko’s tongue and a low “I’m fine out here”. Yata had stayed a couple of moments longer with the thought of keeping him company, but had eventually gotten a pointed “Didn’t you come here to celebrate with your coven?” and gave that up as well. It was like Saruhiko had decided before anything had started that he wasn’t going to have any fun, and he was stubbornly sticking to that no matter what.

If it had been a few years ago, Yata would’ve kept trying to drag him in; even now, he couldn’t help but feel a tiny bubble of confused annoyance. After all, if Saruhiko just tried, or at least didn’t let Yata’s efforts go to waste… But he’d done enough of that in the past, forcing his own feelings on others, and the understanding the two of them had built was still fresh. If he stopped to think about it carefully like he was trying to do more these days, he had to admit the truth: they were similar in a lot of ways, but this wasn’t one of them.

“Don’t think this is his kinda scene,” he admitted to Kusanagi, letting his eyes linger on that cool, distant profile just a bit longer.

Despite his obvious discomfort… Saruhiko hadn’t complained at all.

“I think you’re right about that,” Kusanagi agreed, and then chuckled. “Well, at least you know he can compromise – you’d be surprised how important that is.” When Yata turned to shoot him a puzzled look, he shrugged. “You’ll probably learn it soon enough, but you know that ‘love conquers all’ is a myth, right? Sometimes disagreements run too deep to just talk out.”

Realization sunk in – Yata felt a rush of mortification surge up through him, bringing heat to his face. “Wait, wait, wait!” He waved his hands furiously. “Saruhiko’s not – not actually my boyfriend or anything – it’s – things are kind of…”

“Oh?” Kusanagi drew a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, offering a knowing sort of smile. “It’s ‘complicated’, right? I’ve been there.” He pulled out a single smoke, holding it between his fingers as he returned the rest of the pack. “Dunno if things are serious yet, but I know that look.” His smile turned a bit rueful as he fished for his lighter. “Love will either come at you hard and fast or sneak up on you to the point you can’t tell you’re hit until it’s too late. It doesn’t take long when find one that clicks.”

One that clicks. Yata frowned, resisting the urge to look over his shoulder again. “You got it all wrong, Kusanagi-san. Yeah, we’re – y’know – we’re doing it” – the admission caused another fierce heat to flare beneath his skin – “but it’s not… not that.” It felt too awkward to say the word, a kind of squirming discomfort forming within him even as he talked about it.

It wasn’t. Right?

“That so?” Kusanagi lit his cigarette, taking a long drag and letting it out before responding further. “Well, if I’m sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, don’t mind me.” He reached out to clap Yata’s shoulder lightly, offering an easy smile that was strangely offset by a serious gaze. “Maybe give it some thought before you write it off, though. Save yourself some pain in the end.”

Yata stared back at him, unable to think of anything to respond with. It felt like his mind had gone blank.

“Well, enough of that.” Kusanagi pulled his hand back, tilting his head up to regard the darkening sky. “I’d say it’s about time to get the fire going, hm?” Without waiting for Yata’s response, he stepped back and away, heading off in Mikoto’s direction.

The stunned paralysis that had struck Yata in his wake was interrupted by a nudge in his side. “Oi.” When he jerked and glanced over, startled, he found himself facing a frowning Saruhiko. “What was all this” – one slender finger reached up to tap the side of his head lightly – “about?”

“Eh?” For a second, Yata could only stare at him blankly – and then it sunk in exactly what he was being asked, and he couldn’t help the rush of flustered panic that washed over him in response. “Th-that… Nothing!” He waved his hands again with frenzied energy. “Just – just never mind!”

If anything, Saruhiko’s eyes only narrowed with further suspicion, but Yata was spared the trouble of making any more useless excuses by the soft notes of the guitar fading and Totsuka’s voice calling out, “We’re starting the fire, everyone! Come on!”

The flurry of activity around them was like a blessing. Yata cleared his throat, grinning with relief. “Right, fire time!” Impulsively, he reached out to take hold of Saruhiko’s wrist, dragging him in towards the fire pit where the others were gathering. “C’mon!”

He could hear the telltale sound of Saruhiko clicking his tongue with annoyance, but he didn’t resist.

This was the highlight of summer solstice as far as Yata was concerned. The way the flames caught on the wood and began to rapidly grow, reaching up toward the sky, made it seem like they were dancing along to the haunting music from the various bells and wind chimes set up around the site. He could almost get a sense of a soul from it, gleefully expanding and swaying as they became a part of the magic of the night. He could’ve watched them for hours.

Maybe that was why his previously frazzled brain began to calm. Watching the fire grow, Yata could feel himself settle, thoughts clearing. Saruhiko’s wrist was still held in his hand; no attempt had been made to free it, and the notion that the contact might even be welcome made him feel pleasantly warm – like the mental reflection of the heat from the fire brushing against his face.

“Love will either come at you hard and fast or sneak up on you to the point you can’t tell you’re hit until it’s too late.”

Or both, Yata’s brain appended, and it felt like that clicked things into place.

That was really it.

All the moments of feeling good in a way that he couldn’t explain…

The flutter in his belly when their eyes met…

Looking forward to being together – interacting in whatever way – even when they had nothing in particular to say, and they did it all the time anyway…

He was seriously in fucking love with this guy.

Maybe not totally. Maybe just ‘falling’ – but falling fast and hard enough to call it love, even now. And like Kusanagi had said, it had also snuck up on him. Yata felt that little tendril of something warm and thrilling spreading out from his chest – partly wonder and partly a kind of release at finally knowing. At finally admitting it. He’d been feeling this way for a while, falling for Saruhiko, and hadn’t recognized it for what it was.

I’m seriously a dumbass. Even the self-deprecating thought held too much good humor. Yata could feel the corners of his mouth edging up. He felt like laughing. Like jumping off the ground and throwing his arms in the air. Finally – finally he could place this feeling.

He was here at solstice in front of the fire, surrounded by the most important people in his life, and he was in love. It was hard to believe, but it was real.

He loved Saruhiko.

At the peak of that soaring height, Yata felt his eyes drawn to the side, the solid weight of Saruhiko’s wrist within the circle of his fingers seeming to send little sparks of warmth through him. That bubbling happiness had him nearly trembling with the expectation of Saruhiko’s eyes meeting his, sharing the understanding of that emotion he’d taken so long to identify and accepting it – maybe even returning it. In that moment, he had nothing but hope – optimism, even – that surely this was mutual. They had clicked in almost every single way, their thoughts and feelings seeming to synchronize more and more as they got to know each other. It had to be mutual.

And yet, when he turned, all he saw was the side of Saruhiko’s head, a frown on his lips and his gaze fixed stubbornly in front of him.

Confusion hit first. He… he feels it, right? All of Yata’s emotions got through to Saruhiko – that had been proven again and again. There was no way he didn’t feel it.

No way he hadn’t felt it… all of it…

All this time…

Slow, cold realization was settling. Yata felt his body still, growing awareness making the contact of his skin against Saruhiko’s feel clammy and uncomfortable. He was just figuring this out now, yeah, but Saruhiko had been feeling it through him the whole time.

The whole time, he’d known exactly how Yata had felt, and he’d said nothing.

He was still saying nothing.

Say something! A knot of dread had formed in his stomach, but he couldn’t quite release the last, desperate dregs of hope from pounding around in his chest. Yata tightened his fingers on Saruhiko’s wrist a bit, watching his face for a sign – anything. At least look at me, goddamnit!

The frown on Saruhiko’s face shifted to a grimace; he clicked his tongue, turning his head to the opposite side to further obscure his expression.

That was enough to kill the last tattered shreds of it. Yata released his grip, feeling numb to the core as he pulled his hand back and turned away. The only sensation that seemed to register across his entire body as the sound of fire crackling and bells chiming softly played in mocking counterpart to the moment was the throbbing ache that spread across his chest and up his throat.

The fall from that height was crushing, as it turned out.

#k #sarumi #yata misaki #fushimi saruhiko #fanfic #fanfic:mine

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