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wind-becomes-lightning · 2 years

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hallo, for 200 follower celebration (yay!) may I request a little ObiYam cuteness? Let's add 5% more fics to this lovely rarepair tag on ao3!

This has been sitting in my inbox since February (or march?) and I can't believe I've finally finished it. (I already have well over 300 followers, so I really too my sweet time lmao). So here is another story for you, my dear! <3 And it is our sweet boys.

This is very much inspired by a caption you wrote to an Annanua art, but I can't find it anymore.

Pairing: Obito X Tenzō

Rating M.

5562 words.

Ao3 link [x]

On Kakashi's suggestion Obito and Tenzo start training their abilites with each other. Together with exchanges, fights and food they also get to know each other (well).

Kakashi sat down next to Obito, leaning his back against a tree behind him. He had Icha Icha out before Obito could say anything else, before he could breathe or check for injuries. The friends’ sparring matches were always tougher than any training, as their shared sharingan eyes made them near equals in strength. Obito admired Kakashi secretly for that, after all he needed much more chakra strength to keep up and did so without fainting. At least most days.

“Tss,” Kakashi made, scratching a little along the lines of the book. Obito raised an eyebrow in interest, knowing that something was weighing on his friends’ mind. All day Kakashi had frowned randomly, missed kicks and messed up base line jutsu, so he clearly was mulling something over that he tried to work through by fighting. “Spit it,” Obito said, unnerved by his friends’ secrecy.

“I just think he’s lonely, you know? Maybe a little sad and lost”, Kakashi said, eyes still in the book without reading any lines at all. Obito looked up to the sky: “That boy you saved from the mind control freak factory?” he asked. Obito didn’t really have anything to do with Kakashi’s anbu missions and was therefore not really someone who knew the Team Ro squad outside of Kakashi’s stories. He had heard of the boy Tenzō, the one that had left root upon Kakashi’s recommendation and now followed him around like a good pet, but he’d never really interacted with him. Not more than a hello and an introduction.

Kakashi said: “Yes, Tenzō. I think he is trying hard to adjust to life within the village, but he seems to take it kinda hard.” Obito waved with his hand: “Well I guess shit like that happens when you get kicked out of such a dodgy as fuck place and need to rebuild your entire life. He was probably completely brainwashed.”

The wind swayed through the trees overhead. “I just can’t really get through to him outside of missions, he is not very good at connecting with others. I wished for him that he’d find someone else besides me. Especially for days in which I am out without him”; Kakashi said, moving his head to the side.

Obito knew he was being baited, but he bit the hook anyway. “Tss,” he said, “I can look after him if you’d like me too.” Of course, he realised now, this had been the goal from the start anyway. To get Obito to hang out with Tenzō more. Kakashi couldn't just have asked Obito directly, not without wounding Tenzō’s pride by essentially pushing someone to be friends with him. It had to come from Obito.

“I might just have the exact way to get to know him”, Obito continued,” plus, we both have mokuton so training would be mutually beneficial.”

He didn’t know when he had last bought so much food. Obito’s arms were staggered full with different kinds of sweets and baked goods and rice balls, holding them steady up to avoid them all toppling over and rolling among the streets. He had forgotten the shopping bag, of course he had, because with a bag it might just be too easy. The Lady in the store had smiled at him kindly, offered to give him a bag for a little pocket money, but Obito hadn’t had a mission in a while and needed that little money, especially after he’d just spent most of his earnings on food. So carrying was the only option.

Tenzō was at their arranged meeting place. Kakashi had set up a “training session” among them for this day, when the copy-nin himself was out of the village on an ANBU mission that Tenzō was not part of. The younger man looked confused on Obito’s balancing act. “Should I help you there, Obito-san?” he asked, walking over to take at least a few rice balls from him. Tenzō’s hair was now shorter than Obito had ever seen it, sticking like glue to the back of his head. “Eh, sure you can take some, they are for you anyway.”

Finally Obito’s arms were free enough to at least hold them up steady enough. Tenzō had taken quite some of the goods, confusion painted on his face: “For me?”

Obito let himself fall down not far from the tree he had been sitting under with Kakashi a few days ago: “Yes, I thought we could share some. Are you not hungry?”

“I don’t think I have ever eaten that before '', Tenzō said, lifting up one of the especially sweet breads. Obito grinned, this was his turf. When he had been younger and unable to get over the death of his parents it had mostly been the old Uchiha ladies of his district that had kept him going. Just by offering him food and sweets and warm tea in their homes. Obito had hence repaid their kindness tenfold, always offering up to bring them things or help them go places. Now he was trying out the exact same tactic on another lost soul.

Tenzō ate the sweet bread slowly, taking bites out of it like a little mouse. It was like he wasn't sure what flavour it was going to be. If it would burn his tongue or not. Maybe Root kids were made to be careful with whatever they were eating, since it could be poisoned. “So?” Obito asked, his elbow pushing into the other man's side playfully. Tenzō shook his head a little: “It’s sweet.” And then he smiled. Obito let his sharingan spin to life just long enough to capture it, knowing full well that this was not an everyday occurance.

They ate without much talking, the only exchange between them being about the food and Tenzō’s opinion on it. The younger man still seemed confused why Obito had brought food, especially so much food, especially before a spar. “You didn’t have to spend so much money for me, Obito-san”, he said after finishing the last onigiri. “We barely know each other.”

“Don’t say that to Tenzō. We have met a couple of times before”, Obito answered and swayed a little. Of course he was keenly aware how little they knew each other, but he really wanted to bond with this guy now and so he needed to be more optimistic and cheerful than he usually was. “I’m your senpai’s childhood friend and a personal pain in the ass. We share eyeballs.”

Tenzō grinned again. “He told you to talk to me didn’t he?” Tenzō said, eyes moving over the training field. “Yeah,“ Obito replied, not feeling like he needed to deny it at this point. “Senpai is a good person, he always looks out for everyone, including me.” It was weird hearing someone talk this fondly about Kakashi. Obito had never thought of him that way. “I guess he is, yes, “ Obito said finally. “He did almost kill me when we were children though, so maybe, possibly, he wasn’t always like that.” Tenzō laughed.

“That was when you got the scars and he got your eye, right?” Tenzō said, eyes shining as if he’d always wanted to hear that story. He was cute, maybe a little childish, even if he was long since an adult. “Yes, an unfair exchange if you ask me”, Obito said, chest swelling. He was the older person here, he felt like boasting and making an impression. If Tenzō thought Kakashi was impressive, he should feel like Obito was even more impressive.

“I survived by myself you know, in a cave and all, made it back to Konoha '', Obito boasted, one finger pointing at the scarred side of his face. “And now I have the mokuton, which used to be special until you entered the scene” Tenzō’s eyes suddenly darted away from Obito’s. As if what had just been said was embarrassing to him. “I mean not that I mind, I’m glad to be meeting you. We should help each other out”, Obito added quickly. Tenzō sighed a little, but then he looked more resolute than before: “That means we should get to training right?”

Tenzō was an outstanding fighter with the mokuton, Obito had never seen anything quite like it. The way the younger man could shape with his fingers alone, sending branches and pillars of wood out towards his opponent but also building a defensive wall that kept him, and subsequently everyone behind it, safe. Obito had never trained his abilities that way, too used to using them offensively, as spikes and nothing else. It took him only an hour of sparring to realise how mutually beneficial their time together could be. As long as they exchanged their knowledge.

Frankly, it was a surprise that Kakashi had not thrown them together earlier when one thought about it closely. Kakashi was, as far as Obito had heard, a good leader for his Anbu-team and should have understood the opportunities of a friendship Tenzō’s with Obito long ago. But who knew, maybe Kakashi’s own complex selfishness and his rivalry with Obito had stood in the way, maybe Kakashi had wanted Tenzō to grow up a little first, figure life out outside of the foundation to throw at someone like Obito.

They crashed their different types of wood into each other until the sun set, sweat and a little blood now coming out of Obito’s hands. One needed quite some chakra for mokuton because one had to concentrate on water and earth at the same time. “You make that look easy,” Obito joked and laughed at the younger boy. Tenzō looked away, obviously not used to being complimented. “It- It’s nothing, I just practised a lot.” Obito made a mental note to compliment Tenzō more. Clearly he was craving it.

Training continued in the next few weeks. Arranging dates could prove difficult, with Obito out on Jōnin missions and Tenzō out with his Anbu-Team. Still, somehow on many afternoons in which Obito had a rare opening, so did Tenzō. Obito assumed silently that this was Kakashi’s doing.

Both men got better at exchanging blows, styles and small talk. Tenzō brought food too one day, arms full with sweets and drinks. “Because you have been such a great person to train with,” Tenzō said when he handed a dango to Obito, “And because you brought so much food the first time. You’re really a cool dude.” Obito’s ears felt red. He, too, couldn’t deal with compliments well and if his one functioning eye did not deceive him then Tenzō noticed that too.

With each passing week the younger man came out of his shell more and more, laughing a lot, joking a lot and even showing sarcasm. Obito could match that blow by blow, he was born with a jokesters vein after all, but it fascinated him when it came from someone usually as shy as Tenzō. They had become friends easily. Often sitting for hours under a tree side by side eating melon bread or drinking soft drinks, while they talked about this or that. Obito noted that Tenzō could laugh about almost anything, but he never joined in when Obito wanted to make fun of Kakashi. The admiration in the boy's voice when he talked about his senpai made Obito oddly jealous.

“Your senpai is your most favourite person, huh?”, he said one day after Tenzō had explained what had happened on their last mission. They had been separated and Kakashi had turned around to get his co-captain to safety. Tenzō’s eyes had shined as if he was talking about his personal childhood hero and Obito had to bite his tongue not to talk about the time Kakashi abandoned both him and Rin to die when they were kids. Back when they first shared the eye. Still, what he did say came out so spiteful and bitter than he wished he hadn’t said it.

Tenzō turned to Obito upon hearing this and shook his head: “Both my senpai are my favourite people” Obito made a face and Tenzō added: “You’re my senpai just as much as Kakashi is. You’re teaching me so much.” His voice was so full of boyish excitement, cheeks flushed, eyes shining that Obito could barely stand to look at him.

“You are teaching me stuff,” Obito said instead, his insides feeling strange, so he felt the need to say something back, “I’m learning quite a lot from you. Once you finally get your own ANBU squad I’m sure you’d be great at it.” The flush on Tenzō’s cheek deepened and Obito felt satisfied.

It was odd really, Obito knew how old Tenzō was, that he was approaching twenty soon and that he was technically not a boy. Maybe it was their age gap or maybe it was his odd excitement that Obito liked to share, but didn’t quite understood, maybe it was the way Tenzō looked at him and Kakashi, people he adored and admired deeply, as if they were gods, but to Obito Tenzō seemed like a boy for the longest time. That was alright, they spent time together as friends, they trained as friends, they argued and joked as friends did. Obito liked that Tenzō was his friend.

One day, however, Tenzō showed up with his hair bound back in a knot. It had grown out again, now shoulder length and in their last match the strands had fallen in his eyes like the fur of a wild cat. “Your hair looks great”, Obito had said and watched the blush in reaction to his words. Tenzō had not denied the compliment, but only mentioned that the last time it had hung too much in his face, that it had been distracting. So this time he had it bound back and somehow Obito could not stop staring at the way it framed Tenzō’s face. He wasn’t wearing the happuri either and only his normal Anbu undershirt. Obito’s free eye moved over the outline of the abs through the tight shirt, the scars on arms and throat and swallowed hard.

“Hot today”, Tenzō said, moving his hair through his neck to give it relief after they had done their usual exchange in training. Both men now knew each other well enough to predict the moves of the other and this meant that they could trade blows for hours without actually hitting each other. It was thrilling to know someone so well. Obito hummed in agreement, the hair in his own neck curling as they always did when he was warm. “Do you mind if I take off my shirt for a bit? I really need a breather”, Tenzō said and moved his hand in front of his face like a fan.

Obito shook his head without looking up and heard the other take his shirt off. The fabric landed on the ground in front of Obito’s feet which finally got him to look up. Tenzō laid his body down next to him, sweat glistening on his torso. He was trained, Obito should have guessed that, but he had never thought about how trained he was. Scars were visible all over the torso,stab wounds, scratch wounds and wounds from tubes, a map of the life Tenzō had led before he had freed himself.

Tenzō was no boy, he was a man. He had been a man for the entire time Obito had known him of course, but Obito just now understood it to be true. He was a man much more headstrong and admirable than he or Kakashi had ever been.

“You’re really amazing you know”; Obito felt suddenly compelled to say. “You have been through so much and yet you are here.” Tenzō frowned but chose not to reply. “You don’t mind if I take off my shirt,do you?” Obito said and when the words came out of his mouth it almost sounded like a challenge. As if he wanted Tenzō to stare as much as he had just stared at him. “No go ahead,” Tenzō kept his eyes closed.

Still, when he was laying down right next to him, his mismatched skin tissue and circular scars all on display to see, Obito could have sworn he saw Tenzō crack an eye open to take a look. He felt pleased.

Weeks later Obito was out on guard duty at the great gates of Konoha. Nightshift, not his favourite, but Minato-sensei was still grooming him to become the next hokage (at least Obito believed so) and as such he was supposed to learn all the different functions of the village. Or maybe Minato just felt like punishing his old student with a terribly boring job. Obito had shown MInato’s son Naruto recently how to prank his father by putting a bucket of water over the door. Maybe that was the punishment he got for that.

For hours nothing happened and then around midnight he could make out two people staggering towards the gate. Obito let his sharingan jump to life and noticed immediately that only one of them had visible life signs. Someone was carrying a dead comrade.

He jumped down from his watchpoint to greet whoever was walking in. Sharingans were helpful about forms and figures, but they weren’t night vision glasses so Obito only recognised him when he stepped into the moonlight. Tenzō, hair again cut shorter, carried a body thrown over his shoulder. Obito had never seen his face so expressionless and empty.

Obito darted forward: “Tenzō, who..” The younger man looked up and looked Obito right into the eyes, blinked, blinked again and only then seemed to recognise him. “Body”, he said quietly. “I brought the body.” Obito did not know what happened, but first of all, someone needed to take care of the dead guy. He whistled and one Anbu guard appeared right next to him.

“I’ll take him home”, Obito told the guard and gestured at Tenzō. He knew he wasn’t supposed to abandon his post and that he’d get in trouble with Minato later, but he didn’t care. Right now all that mattered was that a friend needed his help. Obito was good at helping people, it was his superpower.

Obito took Tenzō by the arm and led him, without another word, to his apartment. Tenzō had never been there, but he didn’t seem to notice that he was in a strange place. Even after Obito had put up tea and stripped off his own vest he still stood in the centre of the room frozen like a pillar, looking at nothing in particular. Obito touched his friends’ shoulder softly: “What happened?”

As if he was handing off a report to his superior Tenzō started talking about the mission he had just come out of. Someone had ambushed his squad mate (Hawk) and him. They’d used some sort of genjutsu on Tenzō. “It was like mind control,” Tenzō said, fingers shaking,”I didn’t know left from right.” In fear and mania, Tenzō had used his mokuton quickly and without care. “Just like you did, Obito, with spikes instead of pillars.” One such spike had then gone rogue and hit Hawk, not deadly, but it had weakened him enough that one of the rogue nin had been able to finish him off.

“And then?” Obito said, hand still placed on Tenzō’s shoulder in support. The man trembled a little: “I killed them all.” His tone was so icy that Obito had to step away just for a little. “You brought the body back”, Obito said, “That was very good of you.”

Anger seemed to bubble under Tenzō’s usual calm skin. When he spoke again it was through gritted teeth: “I am not good.” He walked away from Obito. “I killed him. Because I could not control the mokuton.”

“You did not kill him”, Obito replied instantly.

Tenzō breathed in and out as if he had to keep the hot lava at the bottom of the volcano: “I killed him. I - I always knew I was nothing but a vessel of mutated cells. I’m nothing. If I had died as a child it would not have been a waste.

“You fucking know that thats not true” Obito spit back immediately. Tenzō moved his head away. His shoulders were trembling even stronger than before. He rolled his eyes demonstratively. “I am nothing”, he repeated.

“I’m not going to allow you to talk about yourself this way”, Obito growled, legs moving side to side as if he was ready to pounce at any minute. “You are a good person. A much better person, in fact, than I ever will be, no matter what your messed up brain might want to tell you.”

Tenzō frowned like he always did when he disagreed badly. Usually he held himself back, a look at Obito being enough to end every argument right then and there, but this time his hair stood on his arms like an angry cat and he verbally pounced right back: “Don’t say that, Obito-san” He stressed the suffix as if to make clear who was the superior person to him. “You are a much better person than me by all accounts.”

Obito rolled his eyes and took a step forward: “Oh yeah? I would have never survived the torture you went through in Root. Mentally or physically. “

“You were crushed by a rock and literally had to escape from Madara Uchiha and you made it out. That is much more impressive”, Tenzō replied without missing a beat.

“Despite what that Danzo guy told you, you never lost your optimism.” Obito took another step, he saw Tenzō mirror him. The other spat back: “You are scarred for life and have a hard time moving without aching yet here you are training with me at a top level, always a joke on your lips.”

Obito raised a brow, squirming at the compliment. He turned it back: “You’re mokuton is far superior to mine. Your control of it is unparalleled. I don’t even think Lord Hashirama was as good as you.” This visible rattled the younger man, a flush now colouring his cheeks. Obito couldn’t help but feel triumphant.

Tenzō needed only a moment to get himself together. He shook his head and replied, while taking another step forward: “I had to train since I was a small child, you learned so much in just a few short months. If anything, you can rival Lord Hashirama.”

They stared at each other for just a second, both eyes hard and angry locked on each other. Obito didn’t like being complimented like this, it made his stomach feel funny and his head feel like it was spinning. There was no way but forward, both with his feet and with his words.

“You are handsome”, Obito said, throwing the red trump card on the top of the compliment pile. “Your hair grows out long and fast and it makes you look - special. I have never seen anyone with hair like that. You can bind it on your back and look like a s-samurai.” Somehow at the end of the sentence his voice had stuttered.

Another step forward and they were now standing just about a length of arms away from each other again. “You are broad,” Tenzō said, gesturing at Obito’s general stature, “You are bulky and large and your biceps are larger than my head.” Obito laughed: “Exaggeration much?”

“It’s true! You are maybe the most handsome man I’ve ever met, it's almost comical how good you look” Tenzō pocked Obito into the chest. The older man bit his lower lip. His heart was pounding against his ribcage. He.Didn't.Like.Compliments. He breathed out a sharp breath. No way but forward: “You seem lanky but you're fully trained. If you take off your shirt it is hard to look at anything but your abs, dude. And the scars? They just add to the experience.”

Tenzō flushed fully, brown eyes now trying to look anywhere but Obito’s uncovered one. They were so close to each other now, chest almost pressed against chest and Obito could feel Tenzō’s ragged breath on his face.

Clearly the younger man was searching for the right words to say, circling in his mind through compliments until finally landing on: “You- You are- You are much hotter than me. Your scarred arm and body makes you look like the war hero you are. They mark you as a man who survived the darkest of nights and come out on top and- and - and I-I bet they feel nice in touch.” Tenzō bit his lip right after saying the last part of that sentence.

Obito had never seen himself as a war hero, had hated people that made a fuss about his injuries and because of this liked Kakashi as a companion. He had never put Obito on a pedestal. Still, somehow, when it came out of Tenzō’s mouth it seemed right, like the younger man actually meant it. Obito felt the admiration to his core, the compliment about his appearance burning in his ears.

They had fed the cloud of compliments that was hanging between them to the brim. Neither of them had anything else to say and breathed in the heavy air between them. Obito waited for a second that felt like an hour and maybe Tenzō was waiting too, but the cloud of electricity remained. He inhaled and exhaled, choosing his next words carefully and recklessly at the same time.

“Why don’t you try it out”, Obito said slowly, “if you want to know if the scars on my naked body are nice in touch.”

Another lifetimes of a moment passed. Obito breathed in unison with Tenzō. Then the cloud burst and a storm descended over them.

The younger man grabbed with his arm forward, suddenly somehow no longer the shy person he usually was, and pulled Obito's face down to his height. They had barely time to close their eyes before they crashed into each other, lips smacking hot and greedy onto another. Obito let his teeth run against Tenzō’s lips and the other man opened them for him, letting their tongues meet between their mouths, breathing into each other, all the while the hands had a mission of their own.

Obito was taking the lead now, pushing Tenzō backward until he hit the wall with his back. They moved close together, stood flushed body on body against each other and Obito could feel that Tenzō’s breath was exactly as quick and excited as his own. The Anbu vest was discarded with quick hand movements and Tenzō stretched himself to lick his way along the soft skin on Obitos neck, along the scars of it.

“I thought you wanted to feel the scars on my torso”, Obito said with a grin and a light crossed Tenzō’s eyes. He lifted Obito’s shirt up and over his head. He stopped for a second to admire what was in front of him and Obito felt how aroused he was from this stare alone. But then Tenzō actually touched the scars with his rough but gentle fingers, running along them as if they were an especially beautiful art piece.

He couldn’t take the admiration, feeling his heart flutter under the foreign fingertips that admired him so much, so Obito leaned forward and engaged Tenzō in another deep kiss to wrestle control back from the other. Tenzō got rid of his undershirt himself and now skin was pressing on skin with an urgency that seemed almost like both of them had waited for a long time to actually do it.

Hands roaming freely from naked shoulders to hair, Obito removing the happuri from Tenzō’s face and dropping it without a second thought, Tenzō grabbing the back of Obito’s hair where it curled when he was sweaty and all through it their mouths never left each other. Admiring, adoring, complimenting and worshipping every inch of the other’s face. Even now, neither of them wanted to lose the compliment challenge. Neither of them wanted to be the winner either.

Tenzō’s hand was the first one that wandered down over Obito’s pants, touching the bulge underneath it as delicately as he had touched Obito’s scars. The older man groaned a little and mimicked the motion to pluck a sweet moan from the other’s mouth. For a bit they just touched each other through their clothes but then Obito gently stopped Tenzō’s fingers and took them into his own.

“Come”, he said softly against the younger man’s lips and Tenzō followed like in a daze, eyes locked on Obito’s shoulders and the muscles on his back. Obito liked the fact that he was being admired like this, Tenzō’s gaze feeling like a hot spotlight in his neck. As soon as they entered the bedroom Obito pulled the other man in again, hands in brown hair, mouth on mouth. Tenzō wrapped his arms around Obito’s torso and they tumbled together down on his futon.

The sun beams shone through the drawn blinds when Obito awoke. He felt the weight of someone else on his chest and opened his eyes to see Tenzō’s hair was a mess in front of him. It took him a moment to realise what had happened the night before. How they had fought with each other in the nicest way two people could possibly fight and how Obito had won, well, he’d like to believe that he had.

He looked down on himself and realised he was still mainly naked, only a shorts thrown over quickly before falling into the deep water of sleep. Obito untangled himself carefully from Tenzō who was snoring quietly and hugged a pillow instead. Obito spun his sharingan alive to take in the scene in front of him and tucked it away in one of his many memory boxes forever, before slipping out of the bed to make his way to the kitchen.

A mirror in the hallway told him that his backside was scratched and that probably meant that not too far into the future he’d be moaning in pain under the water of the shower. Still, he grinned at the prospect. This had all been so worth it. He let out a coffee and leaned against his own counter, eyes running to the back wall that he’d shoved Tenzō against last night.

His tongue could still taste it, the earthly sweet taste of the other man’s tongue. His body tingled just thinking about it. Tenzō really knew how to show admiration to someone, but Obito could give it back tenfold. And he had. They’d througougly praised each other into complete bliss.

Someone knocked at the window and Obito was suddenly ripped out of his thoughts. Kakashi sat on the window, Anbu mask at the side of his face indicating that he wasn’t on duty. Obito walked over and opened the window to let his friend in.

“Yo”; Kakashi said and made his usual flat hand salute. Obito stretched his neck and walked back to get his coffee, giving Kakashi a view of the scratches on his back. “Did you adopt a cat?” Kakashi said sarcastically, as if he didn’t know what these marks meant.

Obito took a sip of his coffee before replying, then he grinned: “I did have a cat over, that is true.” He felt very clever about that wordplay. “And it scratched me a lot. But overall, it was a very good cat. Not sure about adopting yet, but it can surely come by again.”

Kakashi let his uncovered eye run through the room and to the happuri that was still laying discarded on the back wall. He raised an eyebrow: “Tenzō?” Obito said nothing, but he grinned a little wider than before. Kakashi sighed: “That’s why I couldn’t find him this morning.”

“Oh, I’m sorry he seems to be in a coma,” Obito said and added, “He looks good sleeping, I don’t want to wake him.” Somehow the last words made him blush, even though he had just tried to brag. The image of the sleeping man had suddenly appeared in front of his eyes and made his heart skip a beat. He really did look good asleep.

“Right, I don’t want to insert myself into this, I’m just here to tell you Minato-sensei needs you”, Kakashi said and turned to go, but then stopped himself to look over his shoulder one more time. He frowned: “Really? My kōhai? I wanted you guys to hang out not… whatever this is.”

Obito shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his coffee: “Are you jealous?” Kakashi huffed and jumped onto the window sill to leave. Obito followed his friend disappear over the rooftops and something seemed suddenly clear to him: Kakashi was in fact jealous. He didn’t know if Kakashi was jealous of him or Tenzō, but it didn’t matter. Obito had something that Kakashi wanted and it made him feel like a winner.

He emptied the cup and then walked back to the bedroom, Tenzō still in deep sleep on the futon. Obito put himself down next to the younger man and kissed his shoulder softly. Who knew, maybe Kakashi was going to take this away from him eventually, but for now this view, this calming feeling of homelyness and happiness was Obito’s alone.

#naruto #obiyama #uchiha obito x yamato #uchiha obito #yamato tenzou #tenzo #uhm yea we rarepair and shit because we can ahahaha #nisi's follower celebration #fanfiction things

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nyx-aira · 3 years

Text

Destiny Awaits

Chapter 10: Change Of Heart

Summary: Agatha is this close to getting you back but the price for it is high.

A/N: IM SORRY

TW: mention of pain

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

PSA c/@ynscrazylife

February 11th, 1929

Agatha woke with a smile on her face.

Yes tears were still streaming down her face but she was still smiling through the pain.

It was all cracked and sadness and something else loomed over her but it was a smile.

And she had a reason to smile she told herself, because she could talk to you, talk to you like you were really here.

Like you weren't trapped in another dimension.

She would wake up every time, heart heavy with sadness that she had to leave you again, but she could talk to you and that was the only thing that was important to her.

That was the thing important to her, right?

It wasn't that you could have lengthy conversations and joke around but you could exchange a couple words, tell the other if there was any progress or anything that might be of importance.

But there never was much progress.

You still didn't know how you ended up here, the things you could remember only blurry piece of a puzzle none of you had managed to solve yet.

Agatha was the only thing that had kept you from giving up all these years ago and just succumbing to the darkness. You had to smile when Agatha told you it had been the same for her. She smiled as well but it didn't reach her eyes.

You were concerned for her, she was so much darker and just...different. You couldn't pinpointed it but it worried you.

Maybe she was different but she was still your Aggie, that's what you told yourself.

After regaining her senses Agatha got out of bed and padded along the cold floor, not bothering with shoes or socks even though it was the middle of winter.

She didn't care.

Looking at the clock on the wall she saw that it was only shortly after four but she knew she wouldn't be able to go to bed again so she made herself a cup of tea and got down to her lair.

June 24th, 1933

Time was a strange thing.

Agatha had spent most of her life either running away or chasing after something that seemed impossible to get.

She had learned to be patient over the years but she still hated how she had to wait, sometimes centuries, to get what she wanted.

Agatha had spent the last years actively trying to get you out of the Dark Dimension.

It wasn't that she didn't do something all those years she spent searching, raging and crying but now she had an actual goal, a mission, and she was close so completing it.

Sitting back against the cold stone pillar, Agatha reread her notes again.

It wasn't much she had been able to gather since she was able to communicate with you, each conversation only making her more concerned. The harsh reality that neither of you had actual information killing her.

Agatha knew it would be foolish to try and get you with this little information but she was slowly starting to question her sanity and the realness of her dreams and she couldn't start doubting all of this or else she'd go mad.

Well, madder than she already was.

So with a final breath she started drawing the runes she had memorised as soon as she had found out about this possibility.

Agatha knew this could go horribly wrong, terribly wrong even but she had found another solution, another way without having to decipher that damn space shard.

Fuck the damn shard and everything, she needed to try this.

July 30th, 1942

Agatha woke up with a terrible headache, trembling hands and tears streaming down her face.

Her body was twisted in pain but still she smiled a hollow smile.

She had found the solution, found the solution to get you back, back to her.

Her angel, her sweet angel who would be soon united with her again.

Agatha started laughing as she thought about your return. It sounded broken and hollow, nothing like her usual laugh.

If someone would have seen her, laying on her bed in a destroyed room laughing like crazy while her body twitched in pain, they would have thought she lost it.

She probably had but that didn't matter. Her angel was coming home and that was all that mattered.

She had already paid the price so she might as well go through with it.

Or should she?

November 20th, 1948

Should she?

This was the question the plagued her since that fateful day in late July six years ago.

Should she?

Agatha wasn't even sure where her doubts had come from but the longer she thought about it the less sense it all made.

She had been working for this for centuries, had sacrifice so much for you and here she debating was whether she should actually go through with it.

The thought of leaving you there made her sick and she could feel the bile in her throat rising but she still wasn't sure.

In all those years Agatha had learned to trust her instincts but they were screaming at her to think, about what she wasn't sure, the only thing she knew was that the decision would change everything.

So she sat there and thought, feeling sick that she even though about the possibility of leaving you there but still, she thought about it long and thoroughly.

In the end she still didn't know.

Was a change of heart even possible after all this time?

June 2nd, 1951

She had thought about it, long and thoroughly.

She had come to a decision, still not sure if it was the right one.

Agatha concentrated on drawing the runes, preparing the spell and trying to silence the little voice in her head asking her if it was the right decision.

When the spell was complete she stared at the portal in front of her, bathing the room in an eerie light, almost as if it was sucking all of the life out of the room.

Agathe stared at the vial in her hand.

She'd only had to take the potion and step through but something stopped her.

Was this really what she wanted?

After all these years?

She'd only have to drop the vial, tell herself it was an accident, what the fates would want...

Was she really that cruel?

Agatha didn’t know.

-----

Taglist: @escapetodreamworld @midnight-lestrange @ynscrazylife @sokovianheadtilt @procrastinatingsapphictrash @ineffablebean @the-clint-barton @wlwlovesreading @satxnsupreme @itsyourgirlmalise @eilarch @sapphic-stress @booklovinbi @mysticfalls01 @adorkwithaplan @nathaslosttheirshit @agathaharkness-simp @paulawand @sarahp-stan @amethyst-bitch @emril-osvigne @celasteria @danvers97 @scruffywitch @mochiadria

#agathas august #agatha harkness #agnes #agatha harkness x reader #agnes x reader

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feralnumberfive · 4 years

Text

TUA Season 3 Wishlist

Hello everyone! Since Season 3 was announced to start filming in February of 2021, I thought that it would be fun to make a wishlist of songs that anyone would like to see in the new season. I'm quite passionate about music and often think of songs that I personally believe would fit the show well. I know a lot of others do this too and thought that it would be fun to share our beloved songs with the fandom!

Guidelines/Information

You may submit as many songs as you want!

You may submit them to my ask box or send me a message (I don’t bite!)

You may request not to have your username by your song(s) but if not I your username will be attached to your song(s). | Ex. “Help!” by The Beatles @feralnumberfive OR “Help!” by The Beatles “Anonymous”

The songs don’t have to be by the original artist. If you’re submitting a special version or cover of the song, please specify that

Feel free to attach scenarios for your song(s)! They can be as brief or as detailed as you want them to be, but please try to keep it to one paragraph or less for your explanation | Ex. “Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance ((Scenario: Five killing tons of enemies. He’s gone mad with anger and glee. The horror of those being slaughtered, seemingly by a teenager)) |

Some lyrics really hit hard, y’know? Similar to the scenario guideline, feel free to submit a song and lyrics from that song that you think would match a character/specific scenario | Ex. “Evil Woman” by Electric Light Orchestra (I think the lyrics, Evil woman how you done me wrong, but now you’re tryin’ to wail a different song, would match Diego’s mixed feelings on Lila if she returns in S3)

It’s not required that you have a scenario/lyrics with your submitted song(s), so no pressure! Some songs just give off good vibes that fit with the atmosphere of the show. You can even submit songs and simply say (This gives off “Character name” vibes)

You can even just name a band! Some bands have tons of bangers that just match the vibes of TUA or of a TUA character

The scenarios don’t have to be serious, they can be odd or fun!

If a song is requested more than once, I will add the amount of times it was requested in parenthesis next to it

If you see a song on the list that you really like, you can send (+1 for “insert song title here”) and I will add a tally to it

If you see a song on here that does or does not have scenario/lyric(s) and you think “Oh yeah I can imagine a scenario/lyric(s) for this!” go ahead and speak up! If requested, I will add your username to the scenario you created. If you’re not comfortable with having your username next to your scenario, I will simply put you as “Anonymous.” Same thing with the username and “Anonymous” if you want to tack on that a song gives “Character name” vibes | Ex. Song by Artist “username of person who submitted it” (Scenario: blah blah blah) || (Scenario: blah blah blah) by “username” || (Scenario: blah blah blah) by “Anonymous” || (Lyrics: blah blah blah) by “Anonymous” || (This song gives of “Character name” vibes) by “username” |

This will be open until the Season 3 Soundtrack is released (It will be fun to see if any of the songs in this wishlist are actually on the official S3 soundtrack!)

The guidelines will be updated as the wishlist progresses. Most of the time I won’t reply to the song requests sent through my ask box, but I certainly will add your requested song(s) to the list. If you see that I haven’t added your song(s) after updating the wishlist, please reach out to me. Don’t be afraid to ask me any questions!

Here’s the Playlist created from the Wishlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QRajb4Nap3hjjs2KcWQYc

Wishlist

Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! by ABBA @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Five rescuing his siblings))

Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles @feralnumberfive ((This song gives off Vanya vibes))

Rich Kids by New Medicine @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: The Hargreeves arrive in 2019 to find that they have been replaced. The Sparrow Academy quickly springs into action and attacks The Umbrella Academy))

Lonely by Palaye Royale @feralnumberfive ((Lyrics: | So sick and tired of being alone, so long, farewell, I’m on my own | I feel like these lyrics represent Klaus feeling alone due to his siblings ignoring him and him being a living person haunted by ghosts)) by @feralnumberfive

Toxic by Britney Spears “Anonymous” ((Scenario: When they are all talking about Reggie))

girls by girl in red “Anonymous” ((Scenario: When Vanya is talking/thinking about Sissy))

WAP by Cardi B “Anonymous”

Manic Monday by The Bangles “Anonymous” ((Because 4/1/2019 and 11/25/1963 were both Mondays, so the s3 apocalypse should be too))

Just the Two of Us by Grover Washington Jr. @feralnumberfive

Teenagers by My Chemical Romance @feralnumberfive | but really everyone in the UA fandom wants this | ((Scenario: Any fight scene with Five going ham))

Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Something sad))

Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: The siblings get into deepshit™ and have to fight their way out of it))

Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Evil/Sparrow Five returns back to his family or Five struggles with his killer urges and impulses from his killer DNA))

Bit by Bit by Mother Mother @feralnumberfive

Lay Me Down by The Oh Hellos “Anonymous” ((Lyrics perfectly fit Five: “Fire and brimstone fell upon my ears, as their throats of open graves recited fear, like the bullets of a gun they drove my tears, and my feet to run the hell out of here”//“I was born a restless wayward child”//“I owe it to my brothers to carry them home”))

Vampire Money by My Chemical Romance "Anonymous" ((Gives off Klaus vibes))

Arms Tonite by Mother Mother @burnyouwithacigarettelighter ((Lyrics: | I died in your arms tonight, I slipped through into the afterlife, | Would totally fit anything to do with Ben’s death))

Oh Ana by Mother Mother @burnyouwithacigarettelighter ((Scenario: Any scene with Five just generally being a badass and/or the rest of the siblings!!))

Black Sheep by Metric “Anonymous” ((Lyrics | Our common goal was waiting for the world to end, now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend you crack the whip, shapeshift and trick, the past again, | Which is SO five and anything about the commission or the apocalypse OR | I’ll send you my love on the wire, lift you up every time, everyone pulls away, from you,” | For luther/the siblings perspective on him.))

Everybody’s Gotta Live by Love @feralnumberfive ((Gives off Five vibes and also a bit of the siblings in general))

I’m Gonna Win by Rob Cantor @feralnumberfive ((All of the lyrics match Five so well))

Running In The 90's by Max Coveri/Maurizio De Jorio @latinofireball ((Scenario: For an Umbrella and/or Sparrow family dance))

The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance @fandoms-or-life ((Scenario: Group fight))

Hayloft by Mother Mother @bi-ginny-weasley ((Gives off Five vibes and would be great in a fight sequence))

bad idea! by girl in red @pr-ingles

Silver Lake Queen by Diplomacy @purplegrapefruit ((Scenario: Any woman-being-badass moment, bonus if it's all the girls and Klaus))

Blackbird by The Beatles (accidentally replied without getting your name, sorry about that feel free to reach out to me again :[ ) ((Scenario: I am really intrigued by the Sparrow in the comics who could turn into a flock of crows. I think Blackbird could be a good song for her. Especially since its about the yearning to be free which I think will come to pass with at least some of the Sparrow Academy members. It could be played in a moment when she is considering how trapped she and her team/siblings are under Reginald))

Cold Cold Cold by Cage The Elephant “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Maybe for a fight scene or the end of an episode when everything has gone tits up))

Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood @b99detectivealpaca ((Scenario: Anything related to Reginald))

Footloose by Kenny Loggins “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Dance scene that will inevitably happen))

Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Also for the dance scene that will inevitably happen))

Rät by Penelope Scott @sukker-sugar ((Scenario: Sth related to reggie, and specifically with the lyrics | Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good | They taught me everything just like a daddy should |))

Time Warp (Cover from CAOS Soundtrack) by Ross Lynch, Jaz Sinclair, Lachlan Watson, and Jonathan Whitesell @theladyfae ((Scenario: A random scene in a club where everyone's dancing to it but then it cuts to the siblings fighting against multiple enemies))

Waiting For The World To End by Mother Mother @feralnumberfive ((Gives off Five vibes and the lyrics match him so well))

1983 by Neon Trees "Anonymous" ((Just gives off Season 3 vibes))

Skyfall by Adele @fudgemutt ((Scenario: For when the whole Umbrella family comes together and works as one, and specifically the lyrics | Let the sky fall, When it crumbles, We will stand tall, Face it all together, At Skyfall | ))

Dirty by Grandson @fudgemutt ((Scenario: An epic Five fight scene, and specifically the lyrics | Do you have enough love in your heart, to go and get your hands dirty? | ))

The Day Before You Came by ABBA "Anonymous"

Tiger by Abba @notmireelname

Tropical Loveland by ABBA @notmireelname

Twisted by Missio @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Give loses his goddamn mind))

Heart Of Glass (Cover by Miley Cyrus) originally by Blondie @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Five losing his mind and thinking about his family or something to do with Klaus cause it gives off Klaus vibes))

Without Me by Alec Chambers “Anonymous” ((Scenario: Five finally snaps at his family after they continuously blame him for their problems))

Something’s Gotta Give by All Time Low @enjoltairesimp ((Scenario: A badass fight scene, preferably one that includes Diego))

Any songs created by Mother Mother (not a song, just a statement) @enjoltairesimp because it would be amazing

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds by The Beatles @enjoltairesimp ((Scenario: A reunion scene with Klaus and Dave))

Music Of The Night by Andrew Lloyd Webber (either version from the Musical or Movie) @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Five either turning to the dark side or being convinced to do something "bad"))

A Good Song Never Dies by Saint Motel @life-needs-abit-of-madness ((Vibe of the song is so good))

Hotel California by Eagles Everyone in the UA fandom ((What else do we need to say? S3 will match Vol. 3 Hotel Oblivion of the comics. It's an absolute killer bop that needs to be in S3))

Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel @life-needs-abit-of-madness

La Jolla by Wilbur Soot @sukker-sugar ((Scenario: Either someone dies (but like klaus in s1, they get resurrected) and we see this in the background while they talk to god, or we see the siblings lounging around and talking about what they'd do after the shenanigans™ are over with that in the background ))

When I'm Sixty Four by The Beatles @feralnumberfive ((Something with Five))

Just A Girl by No Doubt @feralnumberfive ((A badass scene of any girl character fighting//bonus if it's Allison or Vanya since they're the only two girls in the Umbrellas))

You're The Devil In Disguise by Elvis Presley @life-needs-abit-of-madness ((Scenario: A fight scene))

You Don't Own Me by SAYGRACE @give-the-boy-a-hug ((Scenario: Someone's walking away after a fight))

Ballroom Blitz by Sweet @feralnumberfive ((This would be soooo good for a fight scene with dancing or a fight scene in general))

Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! By Will Wood and the Tapeworms @feralnumberfive ((Would be awesome for a fight scene))

My Generation by The Who @feralnumberfive ((Another fun song for a fight scene))

Hopelessly Devoted To You by Olivia Newton-John @feralnumberfive ((Either the siblings' or just Luther's feelings towards Reginald))

You’re The Best by Joe Esposito @feralnumberfive ((Scenario: Either Luther, Diego, or even the whole family having some sort of montage of overcoming their issues))

Rumor Has It - Adele @alex-mercerss ((because what better song for Allison to have playing for it, plus I’ve seen it mentioned a few times somewhere))

Show Me How to Move - The Elwins @alex-mercerss ((this is such a fight scene song no matter where you put it))

Really anything off of Let Live and Let Ghosts by Jukebox the Ghost @alex-mercerss ((half of this album was literally written about the apocalypse))

2econd 2ight 2eer by Will Wood and the Tapeworms @feralnumberfive ((Could absolutely imagine Five losing control and killing to this song))

As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese “Anonymous” (( I think it would be good where five is having a flash back to the apocalypse or he sees his family die but he cant do anything bc the cube is making his fear come out therefore it is just a hallucination))

I Heard A Rumor by Bananarama @uuhhhhwhat ((Scenario: A scene where Allison is sad and thinking about Ray and/or Claire))

There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It Yet by Panic! At The Disco "Anonymous" ((Scenario: A Five fight scene))

Are You Satisfied by MARINA "Anonymous" ((could work for anything Luther related because the lyrics describe him so well))

#tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #tua s3 #tua s3 soundtrack wishlist #music #tua music #tua soundtrack

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impressedbymckayla · 3 years

Link

M*ggie continues to be absolute trash.

If she could travel back in time, before she was suspended from gymnastics after being accused of berating and mistreating her athletes, including an Olympic champion, Maggie Haney says she would change the way she coached.

She wouldn’t push some of her young gymnasts to redo a routine again and again after even the tiniest mistakes. To demand their focus, she wouldn’t yell at them. Instead she would learn to let some imperfections slide.

“I think my mistakes were that I cared too much, and wanted them to be a little too perfect every day, when maybe that’s not possible,” Haney, one of the most prominent coaches in the sport, said this month in an interview with The New York Times, the first time she has spoken publicly in nearly a year. “Maybe what used to be OK is not OK anymore, and maybe it shouldn’t be. I think maybe the culture has shifted.”

Haney has not coached at her gym in central New Jersey or anywhere else since February, she said, when U.S.A. Gymnastics, the sport’s national federation, temporarily suspended her before later barring her from coaching for eight years for what it called her “severe aggressive behavior” toward her athletes. She said she hasn’t even coached her own daughter, who is 11.

The athletes who have trained under Haney include Laurie Hernandez, who won a silver medal on the balance beam at the 2016 Olympics and helped the United States win the team gold medal.

Hernandez’s complaint to the federation was one of nearly a dozen that led to Haney’s ban, which she is appealing to an arbitrator. It was considered the harshest penalty for emotional and verbal abuse in the sport’s recent history.

The suspension was also viewed as a warning that coaches could now face stiff penalties for the mental and nonsexual abuse that was long accepted in the sport before the Lawrence G. Nassar sexual abuse scandal shed light on the toxic culture in gymnastics. Nassar was the longtime United States national team doctor who in 2018 was sentenced to prison for molesting more than 200 girls and women under the guise of medical treatment.

Haney said the accusations against her — particularly those from Hernandez, whom she coached from age 6 — had come out of nowhere, and she vehemently denied them. More than 30 gymnasts at MG Elite, Haney’s gym in Morganville, N.J., and their families continue to support her and are awaiting her return to the sport, she said. Some have voiced their support for Haney in a YouTube video compiled by the public-relations firm she hired to help restore her reputation.

Haney, 42, said she was convinced that U.S.A. Gymnastics had used her as a scapegoat after its missteps in the Nassar case, in which the organization failed to protect its gymnasts from a sexual predator. The federation needed to do “something bold, something dramatic,” she said, to prove to the public that it cares about its athletes.

“I’ve dedicated my whole life to this,” Haney said, her voice beginning to waver. “To be out of the gym has been really hard. I feel like it was unfairly taken away from me.”

Haney’s accusers have not wavered. They say the ban is warranted, and some even wanted a permanent one. They claim that she bullied her gymnasts, publicly shamed them about their weight, encouraged eating disorders and forced them to train with injuries.

Hernandez, who is now training in California for the Tokyo Olympics next summer, told The Times in April that Haney’s treatment of her was “just so twisted that I thought it couldn’t be real.” She said the abuse included Haney calling her weak, lazy and messed up in the head and that the emotional abuse led to a continuing battle with depression.

Riley McCusker, who has a good chance of making the United States team for the Tokyo Games, filed a lawsuit against Haney last month. Among the accusations in the complaint was that Haney had forced McCusker to train through injuries, including while she had a painful, potentially serious medical condition called rhabdomyolysis, which is a breakdown of muscle tissue that can happen from overexertion.

In a separate lawsuit filed last month, another gymnast, Emily Liszewski, a sophomore at the University of Pittsburgh, accused Haney and an assistant coach of forcing her to perform an advanced skill on the uneven bars at the Arena Gym, a gym not far from MG Elite, and it led her to fall and hit her head. Liszewski was unconscious for three days, with multiple skull fractures, and had seizures because of the injury, the lawsuit said. The suit also claimed that Haney once picked Liszewski up from the floor by her hair after the gymnast had fallen.

“These situations are not at all the way I recall them,” Haney said, adding that Hernandez’s mother and McCusker’s mother were often in the gym — sometimes on the training floor — but never expressed displeasure over her demanding coaching style. (Neither mother responded to a request made through a representative to comment for this article.)

Haney added: “I just think when money gets involved, people will say and do different things. I think a lot of this is about money.”

The arbitrator’s ruling on Haney’s appeal is expected in the coming days, said one of her lawyers, Steven Altman. He said he hoped that Haney’s suspension would be rescinded because U.S.A. Gymnastics’s hearing for the case had been biased and flawed, and “as a practical matter, a kangaroo court.” Seven of Haney’s accusers were not even coached by her, Altman said, and the gym offered a fun environment amid the intense training that is generally needed to master the sport’s daring moves.

“When they were doing gymnastics, it was serious,” Altman said. “They worked on life-threatening skills for hours a day.”

U.S.A. Gymnastics, in an emailed statement, said on Sunday that Haney’s hearing was “both fair and impartial, and adhered to the requirements” of the organization’s procedures, as well as the law that oversees Olympic sports in the United States.

Haney conceded she could be intense in the gym. But she said that most of the time “everybody is smiling and laughing and music is playing.” She carefully crafted the atmosphere at the gym, she said, knowing that parents had entrusted her with their children, at times from morning until evening. The program, Haney said, included closely monitored online learning, a certified teacher holding classes during the day and an emphasis on safety.

As a young gymnast herself, training in an elite program for a while, Haney worked with harsh coaches who screamed at the girls, she recalled, and had them step onto a scale daily, then listed everyone’s weight on a bulletin board in the gym. To make the girls lose weight, the coaches forced them to wear rubber suits or 20-pound belts and jog around the gym, she said.

“It didn’t faze me and didn’t bother me, but that kid next to me, it could’ve really bothered and scared them,” she said, adding that she never weighed her gymnasts or forced them to lose weight. “I think what I’ve learned over the last year is that so much of this comes down to perspective. Every person. Every athlete. Every coach. They have their own perspective of things.”

Some of the families whose children continue to train at MG Elite were drawn to her gym because of what they described as an exacting nature.

Henry Rivera, an engineer at a software company, moved his 12-year-old daughter to MG Elite last year so she could train with Haney. He said she had left her previous gym because her routines were getting sloppy and the coach there was pushing her to perform skills she didn’t feel prepared to do.

Rivera said he appreciated that Haney had made the gym a safe space for his daughter, yet never babied her.

“If I wanted her to come home happy and smiling every day, I’d send her to clown school; I’m serious,” Rivera said. “If my daughter has goals and her goal is to be an elite athlete, I need a coach to teach her the right things and safely, and to push them.”

Rivera said if Haney ever was abusive to his daughter, he would have noticed because he monitors what she is going through “emotionally, mentally and physically,” considering it his job as a parent.

“As parents, we need to be vigilant,” he said. “And if you don’t like it, get up and leave.”

In a telephone interview with her parents standing by, his daughter, Hezly, said Haney just wanted her gymnasts to be the best and was tough on them, “but not like to the point where it was horrible.” She said that she was sad to see Haney go and that she missed her.

“She never crossed the line,’’ she said.

Another parent at the gym, Charisse Dash, is a sports agent who recruits athletes from the Dominican Republic to play in Major League Baseball. Her 10-year-old daughter has worked with Haney since she was 6.

“You’re not there to play, you’re there to work,” Dash said, describing that type of gymnastics as “a 9-to-5 job.”

She added: “Do I classify the rigor of the training as abuse? I think you really have to see it on a case-by-case basis.”

Dash said she and her husband ran “a very tight ship” at home with their five children, where screaming, not coddling, was common. So, to them, Haney’s demanding style was a great fit.

“I don’t think it’s fair to say that Maggie is an abuser, by all means,” Dash said. “It depends on how much any child or any person can tolerate.”

Haney’s U.S.A. Gymnastics hearing in February and March was held by telephone, and Haney listened to weeks of it while huddled in a closet so her two children would not interrupt her. About a half-dozen parents testified in support of her, but not all of the parents who wanted to testify were given the chance to, she said. Even when Haney herself testified, she said, she felt that her side of the story didn’t matter. She was sure the three-person hearing panel had already made up its mind.

Some of the gymnasts who accused her of abuse, she said, had been asked to leave the gym because they could not physically keep up. The part she remembers as the worst, though, was sitting through Hernandez’s live testimony. Haney considered their relationship strong, so it was inconceivable to her that Hernandez felt mistreated.

Hernandez often slept at Haney’s house and was considered a part of the family, Haney said. Haney took Hernandez to the beach, to restaurants, to get her nails done, and gave her a tuition break at the gym. When she and Hernandez returned from the 2016 Olympics, Haney said, she helped organize a parade in her town, in Hernandez’s honor.

When Hernandez was competing on the television show “Dancing With the Stars” soon after the Rio Games, Haney said, she spoke to her one night for three hours. The coach remembered their talking like old friends, about makeup and music and how Haney, with her perfectionist’s eye, noticed that Hernandez’s foot had slipped during an earlier dance, but that she had covered the mistake well. Haney recalled telling Hernandez to enjoy her break from gymnastics.

“You’re a star now,” Haney said she told her.

Within days, Laurie Hernandez’s mother, Wanda, called Haney to say that they were cutting all ties. Though Wanda Hernandez told The Times in April that she had severed the relationship after learning that Haney had mistreated her daughter, Haney said she was blindsided by the move and now thinks it was financially motivated because the Hernandezes first offered her a cut of Laurie’s income after the Olympics, but then did not follow through.

“For me, it was never about the money,” Haney said. “I just remember being so confused and not understanding any of it.”

Neither Wanda nor Laurie Hernandez responded to interview requests made through Laurie’s agent, Sheryl Shade.

The situation left Haney wondering what she had done wrong. She said she had been protective of her gymnasts, even when it came to food, as she watched other coaches at meets hover over the meal table to control their athletes’ consumption.

“My kids were never the ones stuffing bread into their pockets,” she said, describing how some athletes felt compelled to sneak food back to their rooms.

She said she encouraged her gymnasts to make smart choices, though McCusker’s lawsuit said Haney promoted unhealthy eating and weight-loss habits.

Haney acknowledged that there had recently been a change in how some gymnasts expected to be treated by their coaches, especially since this summer, when hundreds of them worldwide began speaking out about the abuse they endured from tyrannical coaches.

Many coaches, Haney said, now don’t know when they might cross the line or upset an especially sensitive child or parent, so they “are just letting the girls do whatever because they don’t want to get in trouble.”

The culture has shifted perhaps too far, she said, and she expects the sport, going forward, to be filled with underachievers. She said she thinks coaches will not push their athletes as hard.

Haney blames parents for that. They have become too invested in their daughters’ success, she said, and now are emboldened to lash out at anyone — and potentially crush anyone — who stands in their daughters’ way.

“I feel that somebody needs to stand up for coaches,” Haney said. “If I don’t stand up and fight for the truth, then other coaches aren’t going to, either. I know if this can happen to me, I think it can happen to anyone.”

Video linked in the article if you’re feeling like extra self-punishing today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&fbclid=IwAR01mlcDzMzw8RlzbRS97gXD5f0vIucwBZEdXuPqZJiMalbLZZI8lj7OCwI&feature=youtu.be&v=5YyrN7nZwx0#menu&ab_channel=GymFacts

#abuse /

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hklnvgl · 3 years

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Fan Fic Tag Game 2020

Ao3 Name: dorypop

Fandoms: hm mostly the raven cycle but i’ve also written for all for the game, harry potter and avatar this year

1. Fic that was the hardest to write/you spent the most time on: skinny fleas. i started writing it before summer, but then i had trouble finding aurora’s voice, and then i started writing other stuff that came easier to me so i just kept procrastinating on this one. but it’s literally the only adam & aurora fic currently up on ao3 and i love the idea and the first 2k words, so i just had to write to be able to read it, you know? i had two weeks of leave from work in october and i spent them finishing wips, and even though i needed some more time after that for the finishing touches i really applied myself to this one.

2. Fic you spent the least time on/easiest to write: the snow is melting (aftg). i honestly had the idea and started typing at a break at work and i didn’t bother to fix plot holes and stuff. i just wrote it in like two days and posted it and moved on with my life.

3. Longest Fic: i’m going to consider all 5 parts in my fifteen years later series as different fics, so it’ll be the miracle came with a pop (52379 words | hp). i didn’t write all that in 2020 but i did finish it this year so let’s say it counts.

4. Shortest Fic: i don't want to screw this up (536 words | atla). it was a short ficlet born from a tumblr prompt.

5. Fic you were nervous to post: hm so i wrote a kinda quarantine/covid fic back in march and at first it was supposed to be this cute “and they were quarantined together” thing but then my brain started providing unhelpful info and the only way i found to deal with how scary everything felt was to write that. i then got a very angry anon comment which was probably my first ever anon hate? so i’m now a bit ashamed of that fic? but i’m not taking it down bc ao3 is an archive so it’ll stay there. plus i like the title (spring will be spring)

6. How do you choose your titles: oh boy. ok so in summer 2019 i started reading haiku poetry from a very pretty bilingual edition of poems by akutagawa. i just fell in love with the format bc it’s normally very visual and evocative but also super short, so my attention span doesn’t suffer. since then i’ve bought a few more books in the same collection and i dog-ear the pages of the poems that i like or that i think could work as titles while i read them. later, when looking for a title, i sit myself to think what the fic is about and browse those dog-eared poems in search of the perfect one. sometimes i’ll also google “spring+haiku” or something if i can’t find the perfect one. then i just choose a line from the poem. i know it’s a lot of work and probably nobody notices but! it makes me happy!

7. Fave Fic you read: oh i got so many! i bookmark all my fav finished fics

8. Fave Fic you wrote: in vino veritas (drunk pynch). it looks really similar to what i was picturing in my mind.

9. Fave comment: i appreciate and love all my comments but i especially like the few i’ve got with requests/suggestions of things to possibly include in my fifteen years later series, bc then i get to plan around those things to maybe put them in the text and it’s super fun!

10. Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: i don’t want to rewrite it at all, but one of the aus that i’ve written that i think has space to grow is there is a world (my hogwarts au)

11. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning:

(it’s from part 6 of the fifteen years later series!)

Adam’s phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from Harvey.

ronan says to tell u foods ready

Adam snorted. Ronan usually yelled at him to come down.

Adam got up and washed his hands, feeling a pang of shame curl around his ribs. Ronan was probably as freaked out as Adam was, and Adam was here feeling sorry for himself and having a mild anxiety attack while Ronan was braving the fort downstairs. He should be supporting him instead, kissing away the wrinkle he always got between his eyebrows when he worried. This was all Adam’s idea to begin with.

12. What was your goal for your fics this year? Did you meet it?: i didn’t really have a goal? i wasn’t planning on writing so much this year actually! back in january i was only thinking i wanted to finish the miracle came with a pop and then never write long fic ever again, and i’ve mostly succeeded—i just need to think of the installments in my harvey series as separate fics, and i’m good to go!

13. What is your goal for your fics next year?: i have the idea for one more installment for harvey that i’m definitely going to write, and after that i think i might take a break for a while (but maybe i’ll get new ideas?? so i’ll never stop???)

14. Highlight of your fandom year: i’ve met really wonderful people through fandom this year. it’s been hellish and i’ve mostly fled every other social media/platform except from tumblr and ao3, so it’s really wonderful that i still want to come here and talk about fictional stuff

15. Highlight of your personal year: oh well it’s been quite bad? mostly due to covid, sure, but i also had some major things come up back in february and early march that were quite hard, and then i had to learn to live with constant changes of plans. i’ve redecorated my whole room though and it feels really welcoming and cozy so that’s a great thing 2020 has brought.

thank you very much to @creativefiend19 for tagging me!! i’m tagging @ailec-12 @pumpkinpadparadscha & everyone else who feels like doing it!

#trc #fic #aftg #hp #d #tag game #skinny fleas #the snow is melting #the miracle came with a pop #15 years later #spring will be spring #there is a world #snow on bamboo grass #in vino veritas

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aspiratixxn · 4 years

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Hey Dollface

Summary: The best surprise after a really long, hard day at work.

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3086

Notes: For @bucky-smiles since they’ve had some hard times lately! It’s me, your Bucky anon haha. I just wanted to be really soft and writing Bucky for you really inspired me! I hope you like it :)

Tagging: @holy-captain

It’s a shit day. It’s a really, really shit day.

It all started with a burnt pancake, on Monday of all days. Pancakes are a Monday tradition you picked up from your mom, who always made them sprinkled with different fruits to give you a pick-me-up (because Mondays you know?). And you had never burned a pancake, not even the one you made alone at the tender age of seven.

You’re not the superstitious type, not really, but a burnt pancake spelled out trouble and you knew it. You were quick to toss the thing but not quick enough for the smoke detector. Its shrill shriek pierced the morning calm and you heard a clattering through the thin walls of your (mediocre on a good day) apartment. And you had winced when someone banged on your door, asking if you were okay. Of course, you had to answer them, meekly peeking from behind the door. Although they had taken it gracefully, it had already put a damper on your day, which really only got worse from there.

Cleaning the pancake and clearing the smoke detector debacle took up your morning, which meant you didn’t have breakfast. At all. Not even a grab and go banana. Instead, you went sprinting down and out, nearly running over your two floors down neighbor’s dog and getting a shouted earful about that. And of course it was drizzling, enough that an umbrella wasn’t going to keep you from getting uncomfortably damp. Your sneakers squish as you walk in the building, your co-workers wincing when they see you. Your best friend Wanda fusses over you for just a moment, trying to pat moisture out of your shirt.

“Really (Name), you’re such a mess today. I mean more than usual. Did someone get some,” She glances in both directions and whispers in your ear, “Action last night?”

You sputter, pushing her away gently. “Why would you think that?!” He’s not even home right now so it’s not like you could anyways.

She just giggles. “I’m kidding, kidding! Here.” You take the towel and try to dry your hair. You hate this because now you’re going to look like a puffball. “I made some of my famous soup today! For you and me and Natasha, so you’ll be warmed up before you know it.”

You heave a great sigh and drape yourself over her lap. “Oh Wanda, my love, what would I do without you?”

“Starve? Maybe suffer a soupless life?” You gasp, flinging your arm over your eyes. She just laughs again and pats you on the head before she sneaks back to her desk. You’re grateful she’s willing to suffer the wrath of the boss, who pushes productivity to the max.

You take a pause to check your phone before you move and light up when you see (1) message from Bucky.

BUCKY: Good morning beautiful BUCKY: Just wanted to remind you that you are the bestest, most awesome person in the world and you’re gonna rock your day!

You work a classic office job, the kind in weird half cubicles where the walls are too short to hide anything from anyone. Before you even start working you have to clear away all the sticky notes and remnants from last Friday when you had dragged yourself home after some overtime. When your workspace is adequately cleaned (or at least cleaned enough you aren’t knocking over things when you shift), you get to answering your emails.

Which of course, leads to another bad thing. The client was infuriated with the current status of the project. In his eyes, it should have been done a week and a half ago, when you know full well that this project isn’t going to be done for another week if not two. It’s an intense request that just takes time and you’re already doing your best, putting in the overtime to try and reach his ridiculous goals. Heinrich Zemo really needs someone to knock him down a peg and you might just be the person to do it if you ever meet him in person.

So begins the back and forth emailing between you two, filled to the brim with polite fuck you’s. And since he seems to zing back mail at the speed of light, you can’t even work on anything else you’re supposed to, like the design blueprints for Natasha or the business plan outline for Sam. And they’re shooting you little looks because they kind of need that stuff for the next steps of their own projects. Sympathetic looks but looks just the same. And it makes you burn with frustration because you want to get it done, you want to be productive but you just. Can’t.

In between your phone keeps pinging with messages from Bucky, which is the only reason why you survive this entire frustrating situation.

BUCKY: i love your fashion sense. It’s so chic and sleek and ugh, so perfect for you

BUCKY: can’t wait to dance with you again darling! Hope you’re ready to try some tango this time ;)

BUCKY: do you want s’mores pie or banana cream? i’m thinking s’mores because y’know, chocolate. marshmallows. what’s not to love?

BUCKY: next date at the flower garden? we can have a picnic!

BUCKY: holy shit I am so ready for blueberry season again. I know it’s a while away but ugh, I really want some right now :(

BUCKY: you got this babe! I believe in you!

BUCKY: do you want to get Chinese or Italian when I see you again? I’m feeling a strong Chinese vibe. YOU: Chinese BUCKY: that’s my girl

The morning is a blur of pent up anger that ends with you squishing the ever loving shit out of a pumpkin plush, a desk leftover from Halloween. You’re half surprised the thing doesn’t pop under the pressure but you feel bad, placing it back down and patting it. Finally Zemo shuts up and you’re left with fifteen minutes before lunch, which really isn’t time to start anything for work. Instead, you bring out your white bound planner, a bullet journal you’ve been steadily working on, and start to build the next month. End of the month means needing to prep all the pages for February, and you sigh as you stare lovingly at your collection of pens just for this. They’re all absolutely lovely, shades that you adore and a quality that can’t be beat. You mill briefly, deciding between a pastel and a hard pink. The pastel wins out of course and you smooth out the page, already covered in neat pen lines from last night. You begin to fill in banners and hearts and…

Just your goddamn luck your pen starts to fizzle out. Which really sucks because these puppies are not cheap in the slightest. You growl and thunk your head on the desk, making Sam snicker.

“Not your day?”

“Not now Wilson.”

“Aw, c’mon. I’m pretty sure there’s something good in your horoscope for today.” He’s teasing you now for sure. He’s not even into horoscopes, not even as a joke. You turn your head enough to give him your darkest stink eye, which just makes him grin wider. He pats your shoulder and slides over some chocolates, dark like you like it. You huff and your hands come up to open the blue foil, fumbling a bit before popping it in your mouth.

Your phone pings and you glance at it with dull eyes. Sam can visibly see them getting their spark back though and he can guess who’s messaged.

(1) message from Bucky

BUCKY: hey sweetheart, just wanted to tell you that you’re my favorite girl and it’s lunch time! I made myself a sandwich today, look! BUCKY: (1 photo attached)

YOU: why’s it so full? it’s practically bursting! YOU: if you take a bite you’re gonna spill everything out of the bread

BUCKY: hey! rude! >:( BUCKY: I’ll have you know I am a sandwich expert and it will not spill everywhere

YOU: sure it won’t babe ;)

BUCKY: >:T

“(Name)!!” Wanda comes bursting back in, holding up a thermos for you to see. It does brighten up your day, especially when Natasha pops up right after with a box of sandwiches from the best deli on the block. She even got you extra fries. God your friends are so good.

At least lunch passes without any scruples. You don’t spill any of Wanda’s spicy and absolutely delicious soup and you don’t drip any mayo on your blouse from the sandwich. There’s a close call with some ketchup for the fries but it lands next to your leg instead of on it.

“Absolutely not. How dare you even assume Eliza has a chance?” Natasha jabs a fry in your direction.

“Well it’s better than Martha! Did you see her bedroom eyes at him? And he just straight up ignored her!” Wanda throws her hands up in frustration. “Honestly, does this guy even like any of the contestants? It’s like he has the stiffest face in the world.”

You shrug, thoughtfully munching for a moment. “I just think Eliza’s nice y’know? She’s sweet and she’s not pushy, which I mean. It’s probably not great for ratings but Nick hasn’t eliminated her yet so that has to count for something right?”

“Nuh-uh! Angelica’s a favorite here. Did you see how he was laughing on their fake date? I can tell flirting when I see it. And she’s a real firecracker type, which means she’s definitely there to spice up his life if you know what I mean~” Natasha wiggles her eyebrows and you snort, nearly choking on your ice tea.

“Y’all are crazy! It’s definitely gotta be Delanie! Cute, small, hips fit real well.” Sam runs his hands in the same, also wiggling his eyebrows. “And did you see how he was watching her when she was talking about her family? How she wanted a cute little wedding like her parents? That’s a catch.”

You sigh and put your head in your hands. “It’s so artificial though. Like I know all this is scripted and framed and stuff so like, what does it matter? I’d want something real.”

“You sound really dreamy there (name). Got some embarrassing sappy things you want to say to us?” Wanda has her face pressed up to yours and you blush, pushing her away again. Wanda’s really dangerous like that, able to sniff out feelings and stories just like that.

“No! Shut your smug little faces.” All three have taken on that look that you know oh so well. You shovel another few fries in your face and then shut the empty container. Around a mouthful of the dry potatoes, you mumble, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some outlines and blueprints to work on.”

How is this day not already over? Honestly it feels like it’s been an eternity.

Your phone pings with a message. Steve, inviting you to a Monday movie night. Since movies are cheap as hell, Steve likes to visit the theaters often and see what the new thing is. Not surprising given his theatrical/acting/film study obsession.

STEVE: Movie night?

YOU: what movie?

STEVE: Cats (2019) STEVE: I know, I know I just really want to see it. It’s so interesting, the CGI work!

YOU: i dont really want to pay money to see that though YOU: like its YOU: so weird YOU: and like not YOU: i dunno i just don’t really want to see it

STEVE: :( STEVE: C’mon, it’ll be fun! We’ll get caramel corn.

YOU: ooooh tempting me YOU: but no i think imma go home and like wine night it YOU: its been a long day :/

STEVE: Ouch. Well it’s the same place as usual, 6 PM if you wanna come.

YOU: probs not but thanks anyways

STEVE: :)

You plug in your headphones and scroll through your music, settling for some chilled out tunes to slowly progress through the dense documents you have to read before you can properly plan out Sam’s thing. It sucks because you can already feel a headache starting to bud and you have to stop periodically to press on your eyes. You also frequently get up to get water, which means you’re also going to the bathroom a lot and today’s productivity has just slam dunked down the drain. To compensate for not doing literally any work in the morning (gee, thanks Zemo), you put in some overtime hours, which means you’re definitely movie night. You don’t even leave the office until your eyes are burning with the strain of staring at a screen for seven or so hours. You stumble out and rub your eyes, yawning and stretching, trying to get some of the tension out of your shoulders.

(1) message from Bucky

BUCKY: have you been at work this whole time? Damn girl BUCKY: the grind never stops💪

YOU: i wish it did YOU: ugh i’m so tired :(

BUCKY: well you’re almost home right? BUCKY: im sure there’s something good waiting for you at home BUCKY: like dinner! what are you thinking today?

You don’t even know what you’re going to do for dinner, but you’ll deal with that when you get home. At worst you have some cheap instant noodle thing that you can spice up with some eggs. It’s still dreary out and it feels like rain in your skin so you almost sprint home, sticking to the well-lit areas because you are not in the mood to punch a mugger in the nose.

You stop by the corner store though and buy yourself two bottles of wine. You buy something that’s nice, indulging a little. Or you try to anyways, when you discover you left your ID at home. You groan in frustration and instead grab some peach-mango juice and a bag of BBQ chips, hovering momentarily over the big blocks of cheese. You really could just use one to bite into, but you refrain, knowing you have shredded cheese at home, and you can just eat that with a spoon.

Trudging up the stairs, you nearly kick the dog again because it comes shooting around the corner of the stairs. As it is, you end up swerving and kicking the wall which makes you drop your grocery goods and you just.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You gather the groceries in your arms again and make it finally to your apartment, nearly staggering into the door. You fumble with the keys, missing the lock a few times before jamming it in and twisting. You’re ready to collapse on the couch and chug your juice straight from the gallon container but you don’t because when you lift your eyes up from the ground, you’re met with the bestest, sweetest, slightly crooked smile in the world.

“Bucky!” You drop everything and full body launch yourself at him, nearly tipping him over. Whatever he says about being strong and sturdy, you’re a force to be reckoned with and you snuggle your face up against his neck, breathing in the pine needle and wood smoke scent he has. “I thought you weren’t going to be back for another week!”

“Decided to surprise you doll face.” He peppers your cheeks with kisses, and you can’t help the giggle that bubbles out of you. His lips are so warm against your chilled skin and you try your best to catch them against yours.

He hefts you up a bit so you’re almost sitting on his hip. He bends down to get the fallen chips and you squeal, tightening your hold on his neck. He fakes a choking sound and you loosen a little, feeling him smile against your cheeks.

“You’re so prickly.” Your fingers run along his jawline that’s covered in stubble.

You can feel his laugh, from his chest where you’re pressed. “Sorry pumpkin, I didn’t have a lot of time between there and here.” He stands back up again and you shriek again, burying your face at the sudden moment. “Sounds like you’re still full of energy though.”

“Noooo. I’m really tired Bucky, I had a hard day at work. I’ve had a hard day all dayyyyy.” You turn with a pout, which makes him kiss your puffed cheeks. His eyes sparkle with mirth and you feel like the entire day has completely melted away.

He carries you to the couch, depositing you in front of some of your favorite Chinese take-out. The smell alone makes you wanna drool and you lean forward to take a big, deep breath. “You are a god send.” He waives it out with another full belly laugh, handing you a pair of chopsticks. He got your favorite dumplings and sour-spicy soup and of course, shrimp lo mien. You practically inhale the food. “It’s so good babe, oh my god. I have been revived from the dead.” He flicks on the TV, finding some movie marathon. It sounds like Harry Potter but you’re way to invested in the food in front of you.

It makes you feel so overwhelmingly warm to have him home again after being away for so long. Soon enough, the empty cartons are abandoned on the table and you’re curled up against his side, exhaustion seeping into your warm, full body. Bucky’s got his arm around you, gently playing with the hair that curls by your neck. He’s telling a story, something about how he had found an adorable kitten at work who had clung to his shoulder all day. His voice runs over you like honey tea, so warm and comforting. You have his other hand in your own hands, tracing the scars that lace over his knuckles and across his palm. Everyone your fingers cover, you follow with kisses.

“I love you.” You yawn in the middle, but he just leans over to kiss your forehead, simultaneously pulling over the blanket from the edge of the couch towards you. It’s your favorite blanket, and it definitely wasn’t on the couch this morning. God he’s so sweet.

“I love you too (name).” He gives you another forehead kiss and begins to play with your hair, which you almost purr at. This is it, this is peak comfort. You grip his shirt tightly, slightly worried this is just some fever dream you’re having at being so tired. “Tell me about your day. Don’t leave out a single detail!”

“Mm, well it started with a burnt pancake…”

#Bucky Barnes #marvel #bucky barnes x reader #oneshot #Reader insert

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theprodigypenguin · 4 years

Text

Writing Commissions {open}

As most of my followers know already, my laptop very recently broke, and I haven't been able to write as frequently or in as much volume as I usually do.

At the same time I've been going through a rather hard time, and writing is one of my main coping mechanisms, how I leech myself of toxic emotions and relax, do something productive with my anxiety and depression.

Thanks to my broken laptop, I have not been able to cope productively or in any healthy way at all, which is not good for me, but it has taken a LOT longer than expected to save the money I need to replace my laptop.

So, I made the decision to open writing commissions. I imagine I'd get more luck if I was an artist, but alas, I am not, so here I go shooting my shot. If you're not interested, don't feel bad about ignoring this post. I'll add the information in a "read more", as it will likely be a long post.

Feel free to reblog this if you want, but you are under no obligation to do so.

~~~~~

You can call me Nico (formerly amelia vale). I've been writing regularly for about 10+ years with a small handful of local college writing courses under my belt (I actually won an award in my first creative writing course. It was a college course and I believe I was 13 or 14 at the time (my charter school allowed me to take college classes while still in highschool)). I've also won a few local essay contests in my town, which probably doesn't mean much, but that's my history.

In my time writing I've finished 11+ novels (some of which reached 50 chapters+, and some which are not posted anywhere online yeet), and over 30 one shots, drabbles, and novellas, with a handful of in-progress novels and shorter fanfictions. I've written both fanfiction and original novels of varying genres.

I am by no means an expert in my craft, and while I do dream of publishing professionally some day, I am nowhere near that goal. I'm certainly hyping myself up, but I just wanted to express the experience I have with writing in general to assure possible consumers that I at least 89% know what I'm doing 🙃 I've also already done a few writing commissions in the past, which can be found on my DeviantArt, but you can find more recent examples of my work on Wattpad and Ao3.

Fandoms I've written for: Harry Potter, The Cursed Child, Riordanverse (notably PJO, HoO, and Magnus Chase), OHSHC, Voltron: Legendary Defender, One Piece, Hetalia.

Note that my main focus currently is Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (Jeddy and Jegulus mostly) but I have some experience writing in the fandoms above, though not all of those fics are posted online, and not all of them are incredibly recent.

I'm comfortable and have experience writing in an assortment of genres and themes, including smutty or sexual themes, incredibly graphic and triggering themes including r@pe, assault, abuse, neglect, torture, self harm, suicide (please note I wrote these themes as a form of therapy, not cuz I'm creepy), fluff, whump, dystopia, post apocalyptic, werewolf, vampire, etc (please ask if you want to know if I've written in a specific genre or theme not listed).

*important: just because an author may write something, does not mean they support that theme. I've written about graphic violence, r@pe, and racism, but I do not in any way support that crap.

Most Recent Examples of my Writing:

Chances || Venom || Broken Doll (rated E, very graphic)

Examples of Smut/Sexually Themed fics:

Say My Name || Chances || Rythmn of the Night (wattpad) || Encantador de Serpientes (wattpad)

Examples of Original Work:

Pigment || What Happens in Vienna || Love at First Crepe

Fanfic Examples:

The Hyacinth Prophecy(PJO) || Road to Ruin(PJO) || Serpentine Curse(PJO/Magnus Chase) || Make Peace(VLD) || Something Just Like This(VLD) || Stupid Deep(HP) || Recovery(HP)

So if you've gotten through all the above 👆👆👆👆 (it was actually lowkey stressful to write cuz I'm very bad at complimenting myself, A for effort) and still are curious or interested in commissioning, then below are prices, things I will and won't write, payment methods, etc:

Things I won't write:

incest, pedophilia, graphic depictions of r@pe or any form of sexual assault, marginalization of a race or group I have no personal affiliation with* (I won't write about a black woman enduring racism because I am not a black woman, etc), underage relationships (both characters must be over 19, unless it's a strictly familial fic).

*I will happily write a black character or any other race/minority, but I do not believe I have any right to add in their racial experiences as I have not experienced them for myself, and that would be wildly insensitive of me. I've written about marginalization from a second perspective before, but I had a lot of help from a POC reader while I was writing.

Things I will write:

fluff, smut (within reason plz), whump, romance, familial, Original work, OCs, fanfiction*, pretty much everything else that isn't in the "won't" list. I'm pretty flexible.

*Disclaimer: All characters in any of the fanfiction I write belong to their respective owners, and I claim no rights to them or to their individual stories. I do not own any of the properties, I am simply producing fan works based on or inspired by them.

Prices:

$15 - for fics under 3k

$20 - for anything over 3k words

$30 - $40 - for smut (smut is extra because I don't write it a whole lot, but I CAN write it, and normally smut fics end up much longer than general fics)

*MUST BE 17+ TO COMMISSION SMUT (if your age isn't already in your bio I have every right to decline the commission. I just don't feel comfortable writing smut for anyone under 17. I know youngins will read it anyway, but this is just a personal pet peeve of mine)

Payment Methods:

You can pay either through Ko-fi or PayPal, whichever you prefer.

Rules:

PLEASE be kind and respectful to me.

Stay in contact with me as MUCH as possible.

I prefer a lot of communication, especially during my writing process, as I want to be sure I get every detail of the fic right for you.

Full payment upfront (this may change later, but currently I would prefer it upfront)

I do not have a time limit on my writing, that kind of thing stresses me out and my writing quality suffers, which commissioners do not deserve. I can however guarantee that I WILL finish your fic.

Please do not increasingly pester or ask me if the fic is finished or how it's going, I promise I will give updates when they are necessary.

The more enthusiasm and details you give regarding the kind of fic you want, the faster I will finish, because I'll probably get just as excited as you. Basically hype me on the theme and I'll be dying to finish.

I need money because I need a new laptop but I still want this to be fun for me, and for whoever commissions me.

I have a right to refuse any commission request without explanation.

This is NOT first come first serve. I will choose the commissions I feel I can do my best on to ensure you get the best quality writing.

Due to the fact I have a fulltime job already, and I can't write that much on my phone or tablet, and the fact I'm saving up to buy a laptop, I will only be taking two commissions at a time, so as not to overload myself and so I can provide a piece of writing to the best of my abilities. When I finish those two commissions, I will reopen these again, until I've saved enough for a laptop. I figure between commissions and work, I could afford one… maybe February if I'm lucky.

After which I will likely shut down commissions (unless something super serious comes up again).

Slots:

#1:

#2:

CONTACT:

You can DM me on Tumblr or email me at [email protected]

If you do not want to commission me, or can't commission me because you are also broke (same bro) then feel free to reblog if you want (you have no obligation to).

If you still want to support me somehow but can't afford that much, you can donate to my Ko-fi. I actually don't drink coffee, I drink tea, so I'll have to change the caption from "buy me a coffee" to something else, but yeah.

Thank you greatly to the people who read this far, even if you don't commission. I appreciate all of my followers and whoever decides to help, as well as people who can't. I know commissions are a luxury, so if you can't afford it, don't feel bad, you don't need to apologize, cuz that makes me feel bad too. It's totally okay.

And for people going through a similar crisis, hang in there. It can only be shit for so long after all.

NOTE: COMMISSIONS DO NOT INCLUDE PROMPTS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN SENT TO ME, so if you have sent in prompts in the past, THEY ARE NOT COMMISSIONS. I asked for writing prompts/requests, so they are no included in this.

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foolsredstring · 4 years

Note

Hi, I loved your post about the year spread. May I ask if posible a free reading relate to your post? My name is Gabby and I'm an aries with rising virgo. Thank you very much c:

Requested from this post!

Hi Gabby! I love your blog btw; I think it’s adorable. Here’s your 2020!

January- Ace of Cups- New beginnings, attraction, opportunity. I see some opportunity for something that might fulfill you emotionally, mentally. This could, but doesn’t have to be, something like a new job? Maybe just a new mentality to tackling the world, but either way, I like it!

February- Queen of Cups- This queen embodies confidence. She’s sure of herself and what she’s doing. She very capable and aware of her abilities and limits. You’ll carry this confidence through everyday life and it generally seems like a comfortable time.

March- X The Wheel of Fortune- You may take this time to step back and look at the big picture. Analyze your actions, life, hopes, expectations. Everything will fall into place, so don’t worry too much. This could be a time of change.

April- Ten of Wands- Feeling exhausted from taking on too much work. You might have high expectations for yourself or feel like someone is depending on you, but don’t forget to look after yourself. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. And don’t be too hard on yourself.

May- Ace of Swords- Another beginning, but this one’s less straight forward. It’ll have many more pros and cons than the last. You need to see this for what it is and decide how it should be dealt with. The month itself might be full of complicated situations.

June- Queen of Wands- (Can I just say you’ve got a weird pattern going? Is this how your life tends to flow?) The queen once again portrays confidence but this time passion as well. You’ll enjoy the company you surround yourself with and enjoy the attention you receive. You’re a great asset to your community (friend circle, perhaps), so the self-assurance isn’t without reason. You’ll have a lot of fun in this time and you should enjoy it.

July- Knight of Cups- You’ll set your sights on a goal or achievement and with a little hard work, persistence and a tad of recklessness, you’ll reach it. The knight embodies youth and energy while the goal might have to do with something emotional.

August- III The Empress- Femininity, mother figures, material success. Since The Empress embodies nature and earthly abundance, this might be a great time to become closer to nature. This opportunity could present itself in the form of trips to the country side, mountains or just little walks. But this is a time of peace, happiness, and material as well as mental well being.

September- V The Hierophant- The Hierophant is a friend and a teacher. If you have a grandparent you’re close with, I could see this referring to them. It doesn’t have to be a person at all, maybe a learning experience or a passerby sharing their wisdom. This is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow. The Hierophant’s views may be traditional and ‘outdated’, but there’s value to them, you just need to see it.

October- Six of Wands- This card shows victory and pride. You’ve achieved your goals, beat the challenges and now you’re on top of the world! Be careful not to get carried away with your pride, but otherwise, enjoy your sweet victory. Life’s not always easy, but you showed him who’s the boss.

November- Ace of Pentacles- (You got ¾ aces. This is ridiculous. How many new beginnings can a person have in one year?) Pentacles are earthly signs and often represent money and material gain. This card can indicate an inheritance or a sudden gain of money. A raise, new position, new job all together perhaps.

December- Seven of Wands- You could feel threatened and a need to protect what’s yours. This isn’t in a material sense like greed, but a moral one. You feel passionately about whatever seems to be on the line. This could be defending a friend, family member or your own beliefs. Don’t back down when confronted and stand by your opinions.

Overall- IV The Emperor- Amongst all the trials and change in the coming year, you’ll come out the other end well and most importantly grounded. You won’t lose your values or forget your roots. 2020 seems like it’ll be a very interesting and important year for you.

The Emperor aside, you’re in for a crazy year. Honestly, this reading was a rollercoaster. I wish you so much luck, but really, you won’t need it. Don’t worry about a thing. You’ll have a fun year.

If you’d like to buy me a coffee, I’d appreciate it very much. If you have any questions or feedback, I’d be so happy to hear them!

#ask #tarot #tarot reading #free tarot #free tarot reading #tarot spread

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

Note

You guys are friendship goals how do you make internet friends saph

okay story time this is the progression of mine and @papesdontsellthemselves friendship (complete with pictures)

so once upon a time (actually it was november of last year) i was a Sad high school senior drowning my sorrows in my tumblr account as newsies royalty while i stressed over my college applications and auditions. most of my pastimes included 1. writing shitty fics 2. reading good fics and 3. listening to bad music from 2012. and i happened to stumble upon some newsies pics as one does by Someone called @papesdontsellthemselves or, as was listed in the bio “Mikey”

nevertheless i binge read all of them at approximately 2am on a school night and probably fell asleep in ap euro the next morning. i very much liked his fics. they were slappy. and i started to stalk his account, as any normal person would.

and once or twice or several times, as any person who runs out of ideas does, he asked for prompt requests. and me, being a sad fangirl of this poor bois account, decided to send him some. (he still has one that he never answered) and he wrote a few of them. this one was my favorite go read it (i think i inspired this one)

and then one day i opened my tumblr acc and THIS was waiting for me:

and i think i was like KJHSJHASLHJGDSLKH WH

then you know some time went by as time does and we sort of awkwardly coexisted. i actually was within like 10 minutes of him for a college audition before we knew each other that was pretty wild.

and then

the fateful day

i was sitting in ap stats, bored out of my mind, and decided to ignore the lesson on z scores or whatever it was cause what the fuck else are you supposed to do in ap stats and go on tumblr (seriously do not take ap stats its terrible, its an acid trip, i barely passed that class) and i had a message waiting for me from the one and only @papesdontsellthemselves that said something like:

“lol sorry to bother you chief but how to you put your tag lists on your pics so they dont take forever ooo sorry!!”

and i was like ssksksksjskskjsk why is tumblr royalty @papesdontsellthemselves talking to me, a lowly peasant, and i may have freaked out for a hot sec but then i responded something like

“i have it in a google doc and then hit the down arrow and the return key really fast lol”

(only recently he revealed to me that he didnt actually give a shit about my tag list (r00d) and that he just wanted an excuse to talk to me and That was what he came up with and he screamed after he sent the message cause he was so scared. also he was in theater with his weird shoeless teacher not paying attention. we’re good students i promise.)

and then we got to Talking and we just didnt Stop talking? like i told him about jeff, my shitty english teacher and he told me about his theater teacher who made them do 9/11 shakespeare and we bonded and then we sent each other pictures of our dogs:

mikeys dog, leela (aka leeks Big Chonk) ^^

my dog, lacey ^^

and we also went through The Awkward Stage

but then

a miracle happened

twas christmas eve, about like idk 3pm and the two of us were Awkwardly Conversing as awkward internet friends do and i was getting changed for christmas eve dinner (cause my family Extra and you have to be Fancy or face the Wrath of the Elders) and I'm digging through my closet looking for something Presentable when discover The Pencil Skirt.

it twas a rather unsuspecting article, green wool with faint plaid stripes, and hand-me-down from some aunt, and i decided to put it on because i had limited fancy clothes and didnt wanna do a repeat from a previous year. so i added my One White Button Down Shirt and some black dance tights and called it a day.

so then me, being me, was messaging mikey and said (keep in mind were still practically strangers and had been barely talking for a week):

“wow i actually look kinda hot right now like maybe someone would bang me. like, I'm not into that, but I look good enough that someone might consider it.”

yes

me, an asexual, said that to a total stranger on the internet.

what were you Thinking saph.

truly, i have no idea.

but for some reason, instead of being scared away (like a normal sane person should be) mikey laughed and we began calling each other daddy. i dont know okay, it was a wild experience. I'm not sure if it actually happened.

so, my skirt became The Daddy Skirt, a tragic symbol of our strange friendship, and the two of us exited the Awkward Stage.

truly it was an exciting time:

and then we gave each other nicknames. the sappy kind not the cursed kind. mikey was bean cause he was a coffee bean and cocoa bean addict. and i was originally shrub and then bear and finally peanut. im not sure why. he isn't either.

boi also Literally guessed my real name. like straight up. and i was like “o word.” it was trippy.

AND THEN twas a cold february day when we decided to exchange faces. i send him a picture of me eating a christmas tree. he sent me a picture of him in his kitchen wearing sun glasses frat boy posing. truly iconic.

we also liked to look up weird things late at night and have revelations about dumb shit, as seen by these Unexplained Screenshots i have on my phone:

yes those are real screenshots

then we decided to finally talk on instagram instead of this hell site and i was exposed to mikeys finsta *shudder*

nothing much else interesting happened until: College *dun dun dunnnnnn*

(except for that one time i had a mental breakdown at 1am and he drove home form some party to ig call me and tell me about the time his dog ended up in solitary confinement. a true g)

so for Safety Reasons, i finally gave milky my number when i got to school and we started texting and Facetiming which was a Trip.

i also sent him a Box of Cursed Content. he tried to send the box back to me in october and it still hasn't arrived. we think it may be in antarctica.

and then we tried to coordinate to meet up like three (3) separate times before We Got Lucky, the Stars Aligned, and we held hands in the back of an a&f

(we also hugged in a nordstrom in like the Fancy Clothes Section and the lady thought we were definitely dating cause we took pics of us hugging in the fuckin mirror pillar. also i almost lost my wallet but thats another story.)

and next year our wild journey will continue (hopefully)

in conclusion i love mikey and this has been a sappy post

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listoriented · 4 years

Text

Cities in Motion

: metaphorical gridlock

Cities in Motion is a game about public transport, and so I wanted to write about public transport. I wanted to write about why (better) public transport is important for social equality and important for transitioning into a future where we use less, rely less on, oil, by which I mean a future of reduced private car use and ownership. I wanted to fit in my positive experience of now living in a city with (relatively) decent public transport and how that affects the feeling and makeup and structure of a place compared to a city I came from, a city where the public transport is (relatively) patchy, where cars more overtly dominate the planning decisions and the politics and the social fabric and entire lives, really. I wanted to tie these things into how Cities in Motion represents public transport as artificial and overly malleable but ultimately interesting systems, and how the movement and optimisation of movement of people across a space modelled in some way on these real, existing spaces, could be usefully figured to think about the underlying structures of cities and individual resource consumption and infrastructure and ideology.

These were ideas for the piece I was going to write, a piece which never happened, a not-happening which lead to another awkward silence between playing the last of my ten hours with Cities in Motion [sometime in February] and finally following up on many weeks worth of the same note in my to-do list, a reminder to write the damn piece so I could move on and write something else, a note which itself was then ignored and eventually forgotten until today when, deep in the midst of procrastination, I returned to the document.

The first reason, backed up by the dates suggested above, is that in March the novel coronavirus made a real splash over here in Australia, as it seems to have done pretty much everywhere, being, well, y’know, a pandemic. The dampening effect on this piece in particular was twofold: this made it hard to write generally - an apparent contradiction because there was suddenly seemingly so much more time to write in, thanks to the sudden removal of almost all reasons to leave the house, but time which, thanks to the surging background anxiety of finding ourselves in a pandemic and everything that came with that, couldn't actually be used for much more than panic-refreshing twitter and staring glumly at a netflix home screen. The second reason was specific to the project: how to write a game-review-cum-personal-essay about public transport at the very time when public transport everywhere was becoming an enclosed nightmare of disease? An imagined conduit of DEFINITELY GETTING SICK OH GOD. I suddenly found that, for the first time since I was a teen still overcoming residual fears of trains and strangers instilled by repeated warnings from my parents throughout childhood, I didn’t want to get PT at all, anymore, ever – that I was going to choose to walk and bike and drive places wherever possible, probably for the next long while, and that I counted my blessings and privilege that I could continue to live my life while ceasing to take the tram or bus.

But this surprising if paradigm-shifting situation was arguably still just a distraction from my real problem, which is that the more I played Cities in Motion, the less sure I became that I wanted to keep playing Cities in Motion, or that I was really enjoying Cities in Motion at all, or that this game about public transport systems really aligned with my hope to discuss public transport systems as an interesting and necessary social good, rather than it was interested in presenting them as a nostalgic relic. The game works like this: you’re put over a muted-colour map of various European cities in various times past (imagine a run-of-the-mill city builder except all the buildings and roads and people are already in place for you), beginning inauspiciously with Berlin in the 1920s. You're asked to connect up the tendrils of the city with buses and trams and, eventually, train lines, generally in the sense that an invisible population haunts the map and all of them are keen to get somewhere, and specifically in that to finish the level you need to complete a string of objectives which ask you to connect certain landmarks together using certain transport systems. My problem, the first several times I tried it, was that I only thought about the specifically asked objectives, not realising that all of these were loss-leaders, and so repeatedly I kept going bankrupt and having to restart the mission, wondering what was wrong with the way I'd laid out the lines, why everyone in Berlin hated me, why my trams were full no matter how many I put down, why the lines were all unprofitable if every carriage on it seemed constantly at capacity, and why the traffic was always banked up. It took a bunch of googling and reading different threads and multiple walkthroughs to realise that the scenario’s specific objectives, presented in the form of requests from Berlin's mayor, were always going to lose money, and that the way to make money was not to prioritise these but instead set up a bunch of more profitable lines of your own accord.

In short, it's one of those games that hides most of its important information and doesn't care to nudge you, so to speak, back on track. One might begrudgingly argue well, that's what it'd be like, planning public transport; you don't really know where people want to go and have to dig through complex population demographic statistical information in order to plan accordingly. But it’s just…wilfully obtuse? And not fun? It puts its eggs into the realism basket but even there comes up with some wonky results, the counterargument being that like all sim games it is just that – a game, a toy, a thing to play with and absorb a sense of broader systems at work, not actually learn what it is like to try and be a uh, in this case, public transport tycoon.

But then this obtuseness itself was distracting me from a more fundamental problem about how the game views the role of PT, or more specifically how success in Cities in Motion – as with most sim-like games, it should be said - is centred around being able to get back more money than you spend. You try and make easy profits on some busy lines in order to build and maintain other lines. But I don’t think public transport should be about turning a profit or making money; arguably, such an insistence is what historically killed (nay, continues to kill) public transport systems in many places around the world, with flow on effects always including widening inequality and increased reliance on car ownership. And that’s kind of the rub here – your goal isn’t to make the city more accessible for everyone, or to connect disparate areas up in the most efficient way possible, but to make enough money to complete a few select objectives, even though that probably means building a transport system to cater to just a few of your virtual citizens.

It’s an unfair comparison to make, maybe, but I can’t help but hold it up against Mini Metro, the one public transporty game that I’ve ever really loved. Sure, the practicalities slash “realities” of having to fund transport lines and place them within a city that already exists in concrete and limiting ways are entirely absent from that minimalist puzzler, which instead is based on the abstraction of transport system maps over the vaguest ideas of cities existing only in relation to their scant topographical waterfeatures. Still, Mini Metro never asks you to make money - all it wants is for you to get the people where they want to go. As soon as someone appears on the map, it’s your job to connect them up with PT, and if you can’t do it in time, you’ve failed. Leave nobody behind, it suggests. This is more the kind of transport game design I can get behind, have gotten behind. As for Cities in Motion’s insistence that we must become the devil in order to beat the devil, to that I say phooey.

up next is Cities in Motion 2

#game91 #cities in motion #colossal order #games of 2011 #public transport games #city planing games

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infinitum-imaginaerum · 5 years

Text

Forbidden | Inseong | M

Forbidden | Inseong Words | 6,100+ Warnings | Sex. Like; idk what else to say. Notes | So... in case nobody has noticed... I’m Kim Inseong trash *surprise, throws streamers* and uh, he’s been coming for me for a while and @bossmyc put this lovely idea in my head that this smart, mature, sexy man would look fine as fuck doing my taxes and then taking me to bed after and thus this was born! It’s 1:05 AM here and I have work in the morning so sorry that I’m not going to reread this there’s probably 1000000 typos. I’ll come back later.

Inseong had been holed up in his office for a majority of the day. At least, it appeared that way by the distinct lack of activity evident in the living room and kitchen of the home you shared with him. You spent most of the day at work, like you normally did as a grown adult with adult responsibilities; Inseong, on the other hand, had the day off, but appeared to have spent most of it busy.

Quietly, you cracked the door open to the office, careful not to disturb him if he was really invested in something. The lone table lamp was on, hardly illuminating the room but adequately lighting the desk he was working at. He was hunched over his Cherrywood desk, his cushy swivel chair stationary and you could hear some typing on a keyboard and the scribbling of a writing utensil here and there.

Opting to leave him for the time being, you closed the door and wandered to the bedroom to get out of your work clothes and take a quick shower. You quietly rustled in the kitchen for a kettle to place on the stove and searched for a hefty mug in the cupboards. The tile was cold on your bare feet, which was unusual because it was February and Inseong would have normally turned the heat on by this point in the day.

When the kettle chirped, you steeped that large mug of tea and cradled the handle and the bottom of the cup as you shuffled back to the office. Just as quietly, you opened the door, but Inseong appeared to still be absorbed in what he was doing. You pushed the door closed behind you and scuffled over him—he had exchanged his swivel chair with an ergonomic rolling stool, which he generally was using when he’d spent ample time in the office, so much so that his back was starting to hurt.

The heavy mug clunked against the Cherrywood desk, and before Inseong could turn around to greet you, both of your warm hands were pulling through his hair as you stood behind him, tugging it away from his forehead. He hummed in satisfaction as a replacement for his greeting, relaxing into your body as you pulled him against you.

Across his desk were your W-2s, a tax program open on the computer and some printed forms splayed across the tabletop.

“I didn’t hear you come in,” Inseong hummed, relishing in the feel of your soft fingertips and heavenly nails scrape gently across his scalp as you tugged at his hair. You just hummed back, the smell of his orange peel herbal tea wafting through the stale air of the office that smelled faintly like him, but maybe you could only recognize his scent because you were close enough to him.

“I brought you some tea,” you told him, sliding your hands away from his hair and down the back of his neck, digging the pads of your thumbs into his tense muscles as they slid further and out along his stressed shoulders.

He didn’t have a reply other than a half-sigh-half-moan hybrid as you continued to dig into his warm flesh. He leaned his head back far enough for you to take note of the thick black glasses that barely hung onto the bridge of his nose, though his eyes were closed lightly in content. You leaned over slightly to press a kiss against his temple before burying your face in the crook of his neck, kissing the warm flesh there to be rewarded with a slight hiss and a sigh. Inseong shifted on the stool, and reached up with his left hand to thread his fingers through your damp hair to linger your kiss a little longer.

“What are you doing, my sweet man?” you asked him, reeling back a bit to kiss against his jaw and catch his ear with your soft exhale. You could feel the goosebumps forming under your touch and under your lips against his skin.

He struggled to reply as you continued to distract him, sliding your right hand over his shoulder and down the front of his chest, sneaking into his half-way-buttoned shirt to touch against his warm skin. He snatched your hand with his, dragging it out of his shirt so he could final reply.

“Your taxes,” he breathed quickly, making sure he could get it all out in one go.

You hummed in response and nudged him forward a bit to you could kneel on the stool behind him and really get your massaging hands into his tight shoulders. His head lulled slightly as you began to speak. “You didn’t have to do that, baby. I was going to get around to it. You’re so good to me,” you whispered to him, a deeper implication in your words than just his responsibility taking care of your own.

“Mm, not as good as you are to me,” he almost growled back, spoken words between gritted teeth and a tight jaw. He almost whimpered when your hands disappeared and you weren’t pressed into his back anymore. He could vaguely make out the sound of his swivel chair rolling back over in his misty mess of a brain and he stood immediately with your request to replace the chair.

“I know your back hurts, but if you actually used the backrest of this chair I think you would realize how comfortable it actually is,” you told him, but he seemed to ignore you and the chair as he looked at you, taking your jaw in the light grip of his right hand to turn your face to his and collect your lips in a tender kiss; the proper greeting he usually gave you when you came home from work. He plopped pretty unceremoniously into the swivel chair and watched you with half-lidded eyes, barely having the mind to take the back of your naked knee when you lifted your leg, barely having enough mind to notice you weren’t wearing any bottoms—he was definitely heating up. He tugged you in as you braced on his shoulders, pulling you right into his lap with a gentle sigh.

Your hands traveled down the front of his chest as you settled yourself straddled over his lap in his work-chair; a place you were normally forbidden to sit. His hands formed to the curves of your body as he slid them from your ribcage down to your hips to tug you deeper onto his lap and nipped pleadingly at your bottom lip. Slightly behind you was his cup of tea that you reached for, shoving it into his hands when you thought he was getting too far away from reality.

“Drink your tea,” you pleaded with him, feeling his hands cup around yours to take the hot mug from you. “You’ve been working hard all day, have you eaten well? Been drinking plenty of water? Taken enough breaks to rest your gorgeous eyes?” you asked him. You reached up to take his glasses and pull them softly off his face to set them on the desk.

He couldn’t reply, just pinned his bottom lip between his teeth as your teasing fingers traced the line of his half-unbuttoned shirt, but your eyes never left his. He took a sip of his tea, knowing you were about to complain. The mug was cradled in his left hand while he reached up to stroke your cheek with his right. He traced his thumb over your bottom lip, tugging it a bit as he stared at your mouth. You chuckled, slightly embarrassed for whatever reason, and your warm breath fanned across his face. Your fingers were still teasing against his skin, slipping under his black cotton button-up to touch over his chest, leaving goosebumps in the trail of your fingertips.

“I can rub you down real good, if you’d like?” you offered as your hands slid back up to his shoulders. You could practically feel the purr in his chest.

“You really want to get this shirt off, don’t you?” he teased you, referencing how many times you’d pushed your hands in it or had been touching some part of his torso. He was fairly certain the only point at which your hands left were to get the swivel chair the two of you were currently perched in. He took another sip of tea, watching you bite your lip as you watched him.

His sweet almond eyes observed you until he reached behind you to place his heavy mug onto the desk. “Tell me what you want, baby,” he pleaded, fingers still entertaining your chin as his eyes shifted to your lips.

“You think that you can just make all kinds of delicious noises to me and then take control, Inseong?” you challenged.

“I think that when I put you over this desk, princess… I can do whatever I want,” he growled back to you—the sweet and compliant Inseong gone as a favor to your desires. His thumb tugged your bottom lip out from between your teeth as your legs tried to close around his hips, his mouth falling open with yours, sighing with the small whimper that fell from your lips. His tongue teased the corner of his mouth, drawing you in with the coaxing of his grip on your chin.

Inseong kissed you tenderly, tugging your right hip with his left hand. Your eyes had fallen closed before his velvet lips even thought about making contact with yours. His kiss was lighting you up enough, the way his head tilted to the side to kiss you deeper, his tongue warm in your mouth when you eagerly granted him permission. His soft fingers were still cupping your chin, guiding your head to the advantage of his kiss, and it had you shifting on his lap—one hand knotted in the hair on the back of his head and the other clawing slightly at his shoulder.

The sweet sounds of his kisses, the departing of soft lips from each other was turning you wild almost as much as the kisses themselves. Inseong had you clutching desperately to him already, although it didn’t take much with the mood you were in to begin with—your end goal was the same now. He hummed into your mouth when your fingers tugged on his soft hair, trying to pull him even closer.

A whimper fell from your quivering lips when he pulled away, a fraction of a second before you were chasing him, nipping at his bottom lip to bring him back to you. The more he was distracted with you, perhaps the better chance you have of your fantasy coming true—having sex in the office. It was a ground rule Inseong laid the moment you two moved in with each other that it was forbidden. Guiltily, it had been a goal of yours to make him break that rule himself and the clearer mind he had, the more likely he was to move the two of you out of there to spoil your chances.

He had alluded that today was the day, the intention of putting you over his desk already verbalized, but you knew sometimes Inseong just said things to rile you a certain way and it worked almost every time.

“Inseong,” you whined to him, his hot mouth departing from yours to move down your neck. Both of your hands had carded through his hair at this point, holding him against your neck as a nipped and tugged and bruised your once immaculate skin, even if just barely.

“Tell me, baby,” he requested, but never ceased his assault on your skin. He kissed down the hollow of your neck and lower, down between the buttons of the shirt you were wearing—a shirt of his—and to the curves of your breasts.

“I want to ride you in this chair,” you sighed, touching back down his chest, but he grabbed your hand before you could get too far. A choked off moan fell between Inseong’s lips before taking the bottom one tightly between his teeth. His head lulled back, resting against the backrest of the chair as he half-bucked under you, digging into your hips.

“You know the rules, baby girl,” he reminded you, both of his hands clutching you close as he looked up into your eyes, taking your lips in another sweet kiss. “No sex in the office.”

“Please?” you begged him.

“Please what, baby?”

“Please, take me? Can’t we bend the rules this one time?”

The hungry growl that ripped through his chest had your legs clenching against the outside of his. His fingers were digging hard into your hips, pushing his hips up for any type of sweet, blissful sound to fall from your lips, and they did without him having to ask much more. A quiet moan granted that wish as he kissed it off your lips.

“No, baby. Those are the rules,” he told you, struggling hard, his words through gritted teeth; but the other part of him was begging for your clothed core to grind over him. He had your hips in his grasp, but he wanted to pull you closer and rut you over him through his already too-tight pants.

“Are you sure you don’t want to put me over this desk? Wouldn’t I look so pretty for you against this dark wood, begging for anything you’d have for me?” you pushed, hoping it would be the last straw as you backed off him, plopping yourself daringly on top of his desk, on top of your tax forms, and braced yourself with your hands behind you to lean back, the cut of his shirt covering right where he wanted you the most and the underwear he hadn’t caught a glimpse of yet.

“You know I want to,” he growled, caressing the calf of your foot that had reached out to rub along the top of his thigh. “But if you think this is the first time you’ve pushed me this far in here—”

Another harsh groan trickled from his lips as he leaned over, his forehead resting against your knee when you softly placed your foot over the tent in his pants to stroke gently. Inseong clenched your calf, trying to collect himself as he pushed your leg to the side and stood up. He took your jaw in his grasp again, his warm tongue gracing your mouth as he stood to step between those beautifully parted legs and roughly slid you across his desk back to the front so he could grind that same tent right where you wanted him.

You fed him a needy moan, melting into him—it was clear you weren’t in control anymore as he tugged you off the desk, your legs hooked on his hips while he turned to walk you backwards towards the office door and pushed you up against it momentarily as he hungrily attacked your mouth, swallowing every moan you had to offer him as he ground his front against you.

Momentarily he fumbled with the handle on the door; your arms tightly around his neck, mouth locked with his as he finally go the office door open. Messily, he tried to take you upstairs. His right hand successfully unbuttoned your shirt, enough for him to lay you down on the stairs and worship your body with his mouth, trailing from your collar down between your valley, over your sternum and lower to your navel. The silver chain around his neck was ice-cold against the un-weathered flesh below your navel and above the lace underwear you’d put on for him. His fingers peeled at those underwear, begging to pull them off as you impatiently clawed at his shoulder, coaxing him back up to your mouth to meet again only for him to draw you back into his arms—enough to get you both to the bedroom.

Your feet gently touched the ground at the foot of the bed where he set you, arms dangling at his sides to let you undress him. Your nimble fingers tugged at the buttons on his black shirt, popping them open before you were sliding that cool material off his shoulders and to the floor. In awe, you looked over him, your soft fingers touching over his newly exposed skin and downwards to the waist of his jeans before his right hand snatched yours to press it fully against his erection.

He moaned to you, squeezing your hand against him before you were dropping to your knees in front of him, tugging at the button on his pants and immediately his hand was threaded through your hair, looking down at you as you tugged his jeans off to pool them around his ankles. You were face level with his manhood, pressing against the confines of his gray cotton underwear. Both of your hands were on his hips for a moment, running down over the front of his thighs around to the back of his thighs, pushing your fingers under the tight legs of his boxer-briefs, teasing him with your hot breath.

Inseong was about to protest before you pressed a sweet kiss through the cotton to his underside, his manhood pinned against his abdomen with the help of that underwear. His head rolled back, fingers tightening in your hair as he choked out another moan as you dragged your lips up his shaft just a second before your fingers were peeling his underwear away.

He was shaking his head, you could barely see out of your peripheral. This was all new to him. He never made you, much less asked you, to go down on him. He never even mentioned it as a fantasy in passing, but to treat him for just a moment, you pressed the flat of your tongue against his underside, hot against your tongue as you gave him a generous lick and finished with a sweet kiss, looking up at him. His hands begged for yours and took them gently to help you to your feet, and he pushed his shirt off your shoulders, already undone from the moment on the stairs. It fluttered to the floor to join the one he was wearing.

It was only fair, as he stood naked in front of you. His eyes drank you in like a starving wolf, tongue dancing behind his teeth as he thought of everywhere wanted to put it, even as you reached out to press your hand flat against the searing skin of his chest. His right hand sweetly cupped your jaw, a tender fluttering of eyes as he placed a couple of gentle pecks against your lips—tentative, innocent kisses that progressively got longer, but still sealed shut. After guiding you back until your legs touched the mattress, he coaxed you up, reaching for your knee while your hands braced on his shoulders, helping him lift you onto it.

The cool comforter on your back littered your skin with goosebumps, hairs standing straight up, that sensation coupled with the warmth of Inseong’s tongue deep in your mouth, head cocked to the side as his scalding body eclipsed yours, settling between your legs as he hovered over you. Nimble fingers carded through his hair, the other tracing down his neck, over his spine and back up, eliciting the same goosebumps all over his skin.

Vaguely, you could feel him cradled between your legs; your panties still a layer between the two of you. But they would be taken care of soon enough as he kissed away from your lips, over your jaw and neck to your ear.

“Can I take these off?” he asked you politely, a gruff whisper in your ear as he pushed his hips into yours, indicating exactly what he was talking about. The slight friction had you pushing your head back into the mattress, arching into his body with all the built up sensitivity.

“Please, get them off,” you begged, a rugged tone of your own taking over your tightening throat, especially as he began his descent, kissing down your neck as you cradled his, down your collar and between your breasts, hands following suit down your sides as he kissed all the way to the band of that lacey material, slender fingers plucking at the waistband as he tugged them down your hips, begging for you to lift them so he could tug lower until you were kicking them off onto the floor.

You could hardly watch him, the way he caressed your thighs with soft fingers and equally as soft kisses. You wanted to throw your head back, the sighs a dime a dozen out of your mouth and into the cool air of the bedroom. The other part of you begged to look at him, to watch him as he kissed up your thigh, your legs falling apart for him with little effort on his part. He looked over you in your entirety and, surprisingly, you didn’t get shy; your high libidos were to thank for that.

That treacherous pink tongue poked out from between his lips to swipe them as he eyed you. He looked at you, silently asking the question you wanted him to ask. You nodded to vigorously, he had to chuckle, a grin so wicked pulling at the corners of his mouth, you were already reaching out for him as he placed a sweet kiss high against the inside of your right thigh.

“Inseong!” you squeaked, throwing your head back involuntarily as he wasted no time covering your center with his mouth. Your fingers were clawing at the comforter beneath you, trying to keep your squirming to a minimum, his searing tongue sinking deep into the crevices of your womanhood to give you a good swipe, as you did him just a few minutes prior. The hum he gave you had your legs already quivering around him, unable to clench around his neck as one leg dangled over his shoulder, the other pinned under his other shoulder. You cursed unobtrusively into the thick air, brewing with the smell of sweat and sex, your lungs already heaving for the air you denied them with your held breath.

His hot breath was on your thigh for only a moment as he shifted your leg off his shoulder, trailing sweet kisses and gentle nips over your skin, back up your body to bury his face in your neck. You uttered his name, cradling him in the cook of your neck.

“Do you want me?” he asked, teasingly.

“God, yes,” you pleaded, legs hooking around his to pull him into you, finally able to feel the heat of his manhood cradled between your legs.

“Bad?” he asked, pushing you further; he wanted to hear you beg for him, but he was going to have a little fun first. He kissed across your clavicle, rather nonchalantly as he supported himself hovering over you on his left elbow, buried into the mattress at your side while the other left a tantalizing trail down your body.

“Inseong, please,” you begged, not wanting to play these games with him while he was already taking your breath away, his thumb digging into the divot of your hipbone to coax your hips up and rub on the underside of his erection. His head dropped a bit, hair falling over his face as he choked out a moan.

“I don’t think it’s bad enough,” he continued, eliciting a frustrated growl from you.

You scoffed at him, wanting to push him away, wanting to hook your leg on his hip and flip him over and pin him down and admire how drop dead gorgeous he looked underneath you—his kiss swollen lips begging for yours, hair brushed just out of his eyes that would drink you in, hands helplessly pinned above his head while you hovered over him, denying even the friction of his bucking hips.

“You’re lucky I didn’t push your pants down to your ankles and sit you in that chair. I’ve wanted nothing more all day than to come home and spread you out and straddle your lap and take all of that thick—”

Inseong’s mouth covered yours, interrupting your sentence because he just couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed hard between your legs, rocking slowly against your slick opening to have you mewling into his mouth. In the back of your mind you still begged to flip him over, to straddle him the way you wanted, but Inseong was too far into the dominating mood to allow that. You could tell by the way he clawed your hip, the way he pulled at it and pushed your trigger just for him.

“I love when you talk like that to me,” he rasped to you, chastely kissing your lips before sitting back on his legs

The dark tinge in his voice had your leg wanting to rub together. You needed any type of friction, you were getting so frustrated, and you knew he wasn’t having any of you touching yourself before you even could ask. He looked at you with deep eyes, fingers dancing over your core before finding your swollen crux with his thumb. You jolted at the slightest touch, all too ready for him while your hands fell back to your sides.

You strangled the moans in your throat, watching him touch you while he palmed himself. You watched his tongue push against the back of his teeth before his jaw clenched, the pleasure almost too much for him to bear, even while he was just teasing you. Your bottom lip was being abused by your teeth, brow drawn together as your eyes finally lowered.

The sight of his fist around the part of him you needed most forced you against the seams. Your head fell back. You could feel the wetness between your legs as you tried to pinch them together. You begged for his swollen lips to be on yours, for him to be buried hilt-deep inside of you in the silence of your mind.

“Do you want to ride me?”

Your mouth almost watered at his question, the gentle blush on your cheeks only exacerbated by the thought of him stretching you out, finally. You almost didn’t respond, not wanting your nod to be too enthusiastic. He moved out from between your legs, shifting places with you as he propped the pillows up against the headboard of the bed, settling himself a little slouched and looked at you desperately with a half-lidded hazy gaze, spread out for you just the way you wanted him.

He watched the way your breath hitched in your throat as you crawled over him, directing your lips to his for chaste kiss, and another, and another as you spread over his lap, straddling him with the help of his hands on your hips. Hovering for a moment, up on your knees, he poised himself for you, one hand guiding you down, the other guiding himself up.

A rickety exhale slipped from your mouth as you took the head of his erection. He watched you, star-struck by how gorgeous you looked while one of your hands gripped his shoulder, the other braced against his thigh as you lowered yourself. He caught your head from falling forward, taking your chin to guide your lips back to his as you took more and more of him until he was hilt-deep, completely buried as he moaned against your lips.

Deeply, he inhaled through his nose, waiting patiently for you as he caressed the top of your thighs and up to your hips and back down to your knees. You kissed him, once, twice, thrice and lifted yourself just to sit back down, nails raking at his shoulder as he vocalized his pleasure to you, taking yours just the same.

His head was slightly tilted back to look up at you, coaxing your hand away from his hip and up to his chest while his hands helped you move. He could feel your hot breath against his face in soft pants, watching your eyes barely able to stay on his as you adored the pink tinge on his cheeks and the way his lips were slightly parted. Your tempo was slow, just the way you both liked it as you rocked on him.

“Feel good?” he asked you, voice low and soft as you hunched over, both of your hands entertaining the hair on the back of his neck now, riding him slowly but evenly.

“So good,” you breathed back, feeling Inseong’s hips start to take a little control, meeting your hips with his upward thrusts, but keeping the slow rhythm. He sat up a bit, shifting the angle and you moaned into the crook of his neck now that you could hunch just enough to reach it. Your hands shifted, one clutched in his hair to the back of his head, the other clawing desperately at his shoulder while his caressed up and down your back, crossing his legs butterfly to cradle you in his lap.

Quietly, you cursed. The new angle was rubbing you just right and the pleasured sounds were falling from your lips more frequently as unobtrusive cries of his name, panting against his already hot skin. His hips were doing most of the work, getting antsy for you as you shifted to sit straight, this time his face was buried in the crook of your neck, a ragged moan against your skin as you shifted the angle again. His lips were all over your skin, over your neck and collar. Your head lulled back, his teeth taking purchase of a special patch of your skin to abuse before kissing it apologetically. His mouth tugged at that spot, bursting the capillaries underneath to form a small love-bite. Your fingers were tugging at his hair, a little less gingerly now.

“Lay me into this bed, Inseong,” you pleaded into the open room.

“Yes, baby,” he complied, kissing against your jaw and your lips when your head finally tilted back down. He maneuvered the two of you up and turned the both of you over to lay your back against the cool comforter once more. His left hand took your right, lacing your fingers to pin your hand slightly above your head, lining back up to push back into you, brow drawing together as he listened to the sweet sound of your pleas for him. His right hand tugged your leg, pulling it up and over his hip to start a new rhythm.

You gripped his hand in yours, his lips finding your neck again to pepper it with kisses, occasionally breaking away when you begged for a little more and he’d reel back to plant a firm hand into the mattress, knees spread wide to give him enough leverage to give you what you wanted. His thrusts were long and deep, down into you only to hoist a leg up to rest your ankle on his shoulder—his hand previously laced with yours now gone.

“Oh, my god,” you called to him, your eyes practically rolling into the back of your head. A confident smile tugged at his lips, a soft chuckle falling from them as you pushed your head back, arching up which he traced with his hand, following the curve of your body from ribcage to hip. His pace was a little less forgiving now, he could feel you getting a little tighter, and feel the gates of his own release being tested as he calmly kissed your ankle.

“Yeah? Just what you want?” he asked, wanting to hear how good he made you feel.

“More than, God, you feel so good; you fill me up just right,” you praised, reaching out to touch against his chest, looking for some grounding before you flew off into the sky. His brow drew together, eyes closing tight, feeling the tingling at the gates and came to a screeching halt.

“You’re going to make me come with talk like that,” he teased with a small laugh, catching his breath as he calmed himself down, counting backwards from five as he let your leg slip away from his shoulder. He leaned back over you, hands planted firmly on either side to lean down and kiss your red and swollen lips. Your hand took another hold of his shoulder as he started back up, humming with pleasure as he picked up the pace.

The almost cacophonous sound of his hips meeting yours echoed through your bedroom. Sweaty hips meeting sweaty undersides of legs almost drowned out by both of your moans and whines. The sweat was beading on his face as he worked you over, your hips meeting his thrusts. Occasionally, he would take a rest; slow it down to really worship you, to have you really feel him in his entirety, all his veins and ridges—it drove you wild. He molded into you like you were made for him, and even though it never went flawlessly, it was always spectacular.

His thrusts were getting ragged, unsynchronized and messy, as he was coming to his end; holding off for yours as he listened to your pleas and cries, driving him even further. Inseong was begging you, ready for you to release him, but he wasn’t about to go without taking you first.

“Are you going to come for me?” he asked with a gentle nod, hips slamming into yours. He filled you up so nicely, stretched you out so good and hit you just right; you hardly had the mind to reply as he reached over to take one of your hands, untangling it from the comforter to kiss the back of it. “Come on, baby, let me take you to paradise,” he pleaded, and you knew full well he wasn’t going to finish until you were seeing stars.

Your unceremonious panting was interrupted with a most desperate cry for him as he reeled back, placing his thumb back against your crux as he dropped his rear basically onto the bed to thrust upwards. Inseong moaned at the feel of your tightening walls, clenching his jaw with one mission in mind as he circled your swollen nub. You were clawing at him, desperate for his free hand that he laced with yours.

His name fell off your lips, your head lulling to the side as the bubbling in your abdomen was reaching its peak. He rubbed up on you in a way only he could, up against the sensitive ripple of flesh that had you coming undone. Your center constricted around him, your choked out moan music to his ears as you arched off the bed, legs tightly around his hips as he finished you off. He took both of your hips in his hands, guiding his slowing pace to have you ride out your high, chasing his own peak. He cursed quietly, uttering your name as he came undone—his thrusts were quick, shallow snaps that finally slowed to a halt. You could feel him pulsing, your legs twitching in response as they quivered around his hips. A hard swallow pushed down your throat as you gazed at him, your vision hazy, hardly able to keep them open. His hair hung over his eyes as his head dangled, his hands on your hips still as he sat there, waiting for you to release him, but this time in a different manner.

He hovered over you on shaky arms, hands planted on either side of you as he leaned over to collect your lips for a couple of short kisses, grinning into your lips with the gentle whine that came when he finally tugged out of you.

“How do you feel?” he asked sweetly, reaching up to tuck some strands of hair away from your face, now damp from sweat instead of from your shower.

“Like I’m in paradise,” you breathed back, stroking his ego a bit despite the fact that you did, indeed, feel higher than a kite. Your body tingled with post-orgasm blood flow, your quivering legs unable to stop shaking as they struggled to stay around Inseong’s waist. “Inseong?” you asked, calling his name, begging for his full and undivided attention.

“Yes, baby?” he replied, hands still rubbing you down, facilitating blood flow to all the proper places now, like back into your legs.

“I love you, so much,” you told him, opening your eyes again to look at him, to look at the sweet smile on his lips, the dazzling sparkle in his eyes that he always got when you said those words to him.

“As I do you, darling,” he replied, taking your left hand and leaning over to kiss the back of it. He kissed every one of your fingers individually, taking his sweet time to kiss the knuckle of your ring finger, always admiring the diamond speckled white-gold band that sat pristinely around it.

“You’re my world and everything in it.”

#inseong #kim inseong #sf9 #inseong smut #kim inseong smut #sf9 smut #inseong scenarios #kim inseong scenarios #sf9 scenarios #literally idk what to tag this shit are we doing the citrus scale again???#inseong lemon #lmfao that feels dirty #sf9 lemon #ugh it's nasty hahahahahaha #ANYWAY HERE IT IS EVERYONE CAN COME SUFFER WITH ME OKAY THANK YOU

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layesica · 4 years

Text

2019: It was a year that ends tonight.

2018 was rough, right? Well, so was 2019!

I did not feel like writing this, but it’s a tradition now, so for the fifth year in a row, here’s what I did all year with some of the crappy crap that made it not the greatest. I can’t promise an unwavering sense of optimism, but it’s okay. I’m okay. Here we go!

JANUARY Went to The Not Inappropriate Show at UCB curated by the Odenkirks, then Spent New Years Eve at Dynasty Typewriter with Ian & Emily. It was fun, but... eh. Home is better, y’all. Home is always better. Did a couple performances of a show at Second City – A Fonzie Scheme. It was fun. I was in an improv class at The Pack. I think it was Improv 4. The last weekend of January, Very Famous went to Sketchfest, which was super amazing. That’s, like, a goal. And even though it had pretty much nothing to do with anything I did, it was cool. And it was fun. And I was at a party with Neil Patrick Harris and I was SUPER cool about it.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. It was free, and I would have never seen it otherwise. I enjoyed it. It was good.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Toasted Coconut Milk & Cookies (V)

FEBRUARY Made a return trip with Ian & Emily to San Francisco. Well, Oakland with an SF jaunt. I don’t have any cool stories, but Emily fought a seagull for her cookie and won, and that was pretty badass. On the drive back, there was a ton of snow just on the other side of the Angeles National Forest. I wasn’t excited enough to get out of the car, but snow is nice to look at. Oh, I had lunch with one of the head writers on my dream show that my old roommate met at the gym. I am terrible at networking.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of VICE. It was free, and I would have seen it... eventually. It was... a bit... self-indulgent.

Salt & Straw Flavor: “The Chocolatier Series” = Jeni’s Coffee & Sweet Cream

MARCH Auditioned for a house improv team at The Pack. I didn’t mention working with a practice group all of February & March to prep for that. The biggest bummer about not getting on a team may have been the loss of that practice group. It was fun while it lasted.

Went to stuff: Saw comedy dads, Bob & David, at Largo. They asked for volunteers, and I almost passed just thinking about it. Ian & Emily jumped up there. Good for them!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Smoked Sea Salt & Chocolate Crack

APRIL Interviewed for a new job at one of the guilds. HEY! I owe the government $3700. That’s fun! I went ahead and added a good purse to my new 0 APR card.

Went to stuff: Dana Gould Podcast at Dynasty Typewriter. Panel with Conan Writers at Lyric Hyperion. For some reason, I saw Avengers: Endgame. I dunno. I feel like I should see it through for some reason. Deadline did their day-long FYC event, The Contenders, at Paramount, so I spent all day seeing so many people from TV and eating so much yummy food in between. Amazon FYC at Hollywood Athletic Club – went mostly for the building. Prime seat at Conan taping.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Wildflower Honey with Ricotta Walnut Lace Cookies – I wait all year for this to roll around again!

MAY We were supposed to have a call for a travel show on Buzzfeed, but they ghosted us. I went camping with a huge group at Idyllwild, which would have been fun, but it was FREEZING and I got SUPER sick on the second day. After a few days, I got better and got the guild job. Free insurance, baby! (More on that later.) Bought a Universal pass.

Went to stuff: A UCB show with people from Chicago. Free Booksmart screening with Q&A. Such a good movie! LA Times panel for Broad City. I never really watched it, but I would love to have a partnership like that! Netflix FYSee for Nanette. Guys, people are like vultures for the passed trays. Adam Sandler at Dynasty Typewriter. Attended the actual red carpet, fancy-pants premiere of Amazon’s Late Night. It was enjoyable and not at all realistic, and I could not stop staring at John Early in the theater. He glows!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Pear & Blue Cheese

JUNE Went to stuff: FYSee for Dead To Me. I had not seen it yet, but then I watched it and it’s good. JV show at UCB with Paul F Tompkins. Did a lap at the AT&T Shape event that is always free. I only go to be on the WB lot where I would like to be more often. Like, 40+ hours a week more often. That’s it. I just went to stuff.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Campfire S’mores (with Brian)

JULY SO. MANY. EARTHQUAKES. After the third one, it stopped being cute. Went for a drive to the Angeles Forest and hiked to a waterfall. Did a sketch with Very Famous at Packcon. It was a small group, so I got a part! Huzzah!

Went to stuff: Saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood at the Cinerama dome. (First visit!) Not a great idea because I kept trying to pick out the scenery and got a bit of motion sickness. Shirtless Brad Pitt on a roof in the ‘70s is nice.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Goat Cheese Marionberry Habanero (2x)

AUGUST Went on a random overnight to San Jose. Time to get panicky about Pack Sketch Teams! I did what I should have done last year and requested to be moved. I loved the people on my team, but I wasn’t getting a return on investment for myself. And that’s no fun. Did a show called Gibberish with Duckboi as Sharon Osborne and wore a great wig. Sketch is fun. Fell off my bike & got bruised legs.

Went to stuff: Mike O’Brien & Friends at Lyric Hyperion. Saw some Pack shows to be a supportive. Put up a sketch at GSY.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Green Fennel & Maple

SEPTEMBER Started working tech at UCB. It’s pretty easy. I get to see new faces... and old faces, too. I have no more comedy theaters to work at. Well, unless someone is going to pay me real money. My vision has been getting blurrier, so I went to the eye doctor to get new glasses. Ended up getting referred to a specialist for a “freckle” in my eyeball, but had to wait a month to go. Submitted a character video for Pack Sketch performer auditions. Got a callback! That’s one step further than last years attempt, and I actually came up with characters and I was pretty proud of it. Came up with more characters, then faced the fear of being on a stage all by myself while trying to be funny. I felt good about it. It used to take a day to find out, but not this time...

Link to Character Audition Video

Went to stuff: Got an AMAZING ticket (location & price) to see Skintight at the Geffen with friggin’ Idina Menzel. She is a queen! It’s a cute theater I should go to more stuff at. Saw Scott Thompson as Buddy Cole at the Lyric Hyperion. So good! I think I’ve seen the evolving show every year I’ve lived here. My face hurts for several days after. Lyndsey got a fancy job and invited me to the Dreamworks Friends & Family screening of Abominable. Would not have seen it. It was cute. Thanks, Lyndsey!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Forgettable

OCTOBER Flew to Denver for my cousin’s wedding. I almost typed, “weeding.” That’s Colorado for you. It was my first time to see my family all year. The time just got away from me. I got a late flight out and spent the day walking around Denver on my own. Went to a good bookstore. Ate some Giordano’s. Left my luggage in a van. Found out I got cut from Very Famous – also, Very Famous got cut from sketch night – and I didn’t make a new team. Started watching new season of Mr. Robot and felt so lost, so started it from the beginning. The new Almodóvar came out, so I bought one of those expensive Arclight tickets. It was very, very good. Maybe my favorite Almodóvar film. Worth it! Saw the specialist about my eye. They dilated it, took a bunch of pictures, did a closed-eye ultrasound (Yeah, they use jelly for that!), and refereed me to another specialist. Hunter picked me up, and I ate at Canter’s for the first time. The specialist’s office made the appointment for me at an oncologist. Guys, I just wanted new glasses and now can’t stop Googling some pretty scary stuff! Lyndsey took me to USC & hung out with me for a while. They dilated my eye, took a bunch of pictures of it with a bunch of different machines, performed an OPEN EYE ultrasound, saw two trainees and then the doctor. She said she is not diagnosing me with melanoma. BUT it has the orange color and a sliver of the fluid that are “concerning.” The pictures of the tumor weren’t as large at the ophthalmologist’s pictures made it look. So... bright side, I guess. I go back in January to check for changes. Margot scooped me up and brought me home. Baby’s first root canal!

For our very last Very Famous show, everyone got to put up a sketch they wrote. My favorite had too much production, so I did a black out. It turned out great, and I felt loved. It was a very nice way to go out.

Went to stuff: Two weeks after the Arclight screening, the LA Times invited me to see Pain & Glory with a Q&A, so I finally got to be in a room with my favorite director. I may have cried... slightly more than I did just seeing the film.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Black Cat Licorice & Lavender (2 cones, 1 pint)

NOVEMBER It was time for Penelope’s annual visit to the vet, so I rented a car for the weekend and took her. She had lost quite a bit of weight. I sprung for all the tests, and she has kidney disease. Her numbers aren’t terrible, but there’s not really treatment for it. We switched to a new kind of prescription food. All I can do is be good to her and try to keep her hydrated & happy. So... yeah... September – November have been... uh... not so great. On the bright side, I got invited to be in the Night Cap with Stacy Rumaker show as a character! I love this show so much - and when you read a thing in December, this show is the exception to that. I was so nervous, but I pulled it together and think it went very well. It felt good! Also, I am so emotionally invested in Mr. Robot! Mom & Dad came to visit for Thanksgiving and that was a nice relief. It rained most of the time, but we got out at about a bit.

Went to stuff: Vulture Fest screening of MacGruber with Will Forte & John Solomon.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Spiced Goat Cheese & Pumpkin Pie (with Mom & Dad)

DECEMBER Fell off my bike, bruised my legs, and scraped a chunk of skin off my hand. Finally: I left my mark on this town! I was not in the mood to plan a birthday thing, but rented a car to take Penelope for her health certificate she might need to fly home with me, then went on a showtune-belting drive on my birthday. Not the best drive ever, but it was nice to just drive aimlessly. Margot went with me to dinner at an Italian place in Los Feliz. In other news, Penelope gained some weight. Then I flew home for Christmas. I’ve just been sitting around with Mom & Dad, and it has been great. I had lunch with Justin & traditional margaritas & Tex-Mex with Lindsey. I finally did an entire month of morning pages after 4 years, so I may be done with that. Oh, and I (temporarily) quit comedy.

Went to stuff: Saw CATS (can’t hate on a bad movie with bad source material) & Little Women (I cried so much!)

Salt & Straw Flavor: Apple Brandy & Pecan Pie (with Brian), but I’m in Texas now, so I’m ending the year with some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla. Do better, Tyler!

So, that’s it. I was not looking forward to this, but it did make me feel a little better since the crap at the end has just felt like it has beaten me down. I’m not a quitter, but a breaker is maybe a good idea for a bit. I don’t have any resolutions for 2020.

If you’re still here, THANK YOU for reading my yearly download. I hope that you are doing well.

You’re great!

I love you!

Have a great 2020!

#year in review #2019

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 years

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hmmm’st....Another group of replies since I’m trying to keep up with my inbox better this year !! (I know #3 is missing, I accidentally mislabeled them and skipped straight to 4 and don’t feel like re-editing the photos lol )

1. “What would you recommend doing with a 1x1 ft square of tapestry-eqsue fabric ?” (question typed out in a shortened way/some words left out)

Hmm, I’m not really sure! I always have problems with tiny squares of fabrics since I often like.. am in love with the colors or texture or pattern or etc, but at the same time it’s too small to actually serve as a really substantial part of the outfit lol, so I usually just use them in small ways for accents? Squares are really good for making collars out of, since you can just cut a hole in the middle and put your head through it and it’s done lol, but you can also tuck them into shirt collars or belts so they hang out a little and just serve as a pop of color or something. If you don’t mind cutting it, you could also turn it into little strips or change the shape, make it into a small pocket/bag, wrap pieces around the arm or tie it around boots as decor, tie the cut up buts together to make it into a longer piece of fabric then use that as a belt or sash or headband, etc. Idk, I have trouble with small fabric bits as well, but maybe some of these ideas help!!

(other answers under read more so it doesn’t get long)

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(note: sorry to everyone who's questions I had to shorten when re-typing them here, I hope I abbreviated them okay and didn't leave out anything you saw as very important! The full message is still shown in the images above and I just wanted to save myself a little time on the typing aaa!)

2. “Sorry this is random, but you seem like a very nice and thoughtful person. Hope you have a happy new year”

Thank you!! I always try to include one or two of these nice ones in here just to continue to show appreciation for people who send me kind things! Even if I don’t respond to all of them (since I feel really awkward just like.. publicly responding to a ton of compliments lol), still know that I really appreciate it! I hope you also have a great year, anon!

3. accidental mislabeling error means free space for cat image

4. “will you do more videos? vlogs, tutorials, explaining your art, games, podcast, anything? sorry if it's weird to say, but I just really enjoy listening to you speak!” (question typed in a shortened way/not fully quoted)

Possibly? I just can’t think of many things to make that would work well for me?

vlogs: I don’t like to do vlogs anymore because of my mental illness and becoming more anxious about showing my face or daily life in public. Though I do enjoy aspects of the “lifestyle blogging” sort of content, like I think it would be cool to be able to make easy videos where all I do is sit down and talk about my hair or something for 20 minutes lol, or etc., but I guess as I get less comfortable with showing myself, I tend to stray away from stuff like that?

(this is also why I’ve been shifting more towards like... costumes, art, world-building, making games, etc. as opposed to outfits/personal style/personal life type content, since I feel much more comfortable being framed as more of a ‘detached and faceless creator that shows some personality but is still mostly obscured’ than ‘open personality that posts selfies and talks about their life extensively’ or etc. Obviously I still post personal stuff like questions and thoughts/opinions and cat images and etc., but less so.. like I don’t even remember the last time I posted an actual selfie where my face wasn’t obscured by costume makeup or something lol..)

I would absolutely still do stuff like “room tour” or “what’s in my bag” videos, or like a single video showing my usual daily routine or something,, if those were ever requested of me/interest was shown in them.. I’m okay with small one time “lifestyle” genre sort of content. But anything too invasive or long term (daily/frequent vlogging, or like “story time” videos) I think I would get uncomfortable with lol.

tutorials: I’m not really sure what I would do tutorials on? If you want me to make a tutorial about something, feel free to let me know something in specific! My main problem is that I don’t feel like there’s anything unique that I do that there aren’t already 100 other tutorials for, so I’m never sure what I should make those about. I get occasional asks with people saying “do a makeup tutorial” or “do a sculpting tutorial” or something, but they don’t ever say WHAT SPECIFIC makeup or what SPECIFIC thing they’d like to see me explain, so then I’m still left alone with vagueness and unsure what to do lol!

art explanation: Same kind of goes for the “explaining your art” thing like, what art? Explaining what specifically about it? You mean worldbuilding? Or sculptures? etc.?? I’m actually always happy to make videos for anything people want to see (since I enjoy the process of making them, usually), but I just am never sure exactly what to do. But if I had specific prompts I would be glad to explain something though! Videos are fun, I just never know what to make them about lol

games: I would absolutely love to do let’s plays/game videos or something (I assume this is what you meant by just saying ”games”??) since I enjoy games, and my whole thing about not being able to relax (I feel guilty about playing games (or any other leisure activity) unless it’s working towards something, I have to have a way to justify the activity being productive, which is why I rarely ever play games despite liking them a lot lol..but if I made videos or etc. it would feel slightly more worth the time/effort).. But seeing as I’m fairly lower income I really don’t have much money to buy games, and I don’t have a very good computer situation lol. I would need to have money to fix my current computer, and a few other things, etc. etc.

Idk, it’s something I think about occasionally and that would be extremely convenient for me and my current situation (in terms of having something simultaneously low effort/relaxing/ suitable to my needs/mental illness/physical issues, but also that feels productive at the same time), but it’s also a very weird genre of stuff (idk if I’d feel comfortable being anywhere near the broader “games” community ghggb), and I would need a little money first lol..

podcast: I would never start my own podcast because I have no idea what I would even have a podcast about, and I also don’t have any friends who do that sort of thing (podcasts usually have multiple people, right??). I would do one with someone else or something like if a close friend asked me I guess, but idk... I couldn’t ever see that being something I start by myself?? Especially since I don’t know anything about them or what equipment or programs are required to edit together the audio, I’ve only listened to a few of them every once in a while, etc. am not really tech savvy in the field of like. how podcasts work ggh. So that’s probably the most unlikely one out of everything you listed, sorry!!

As for other stuff, I’ve thought of answering questions in audio form instead (so rather than writing them out here, I’d just make a video (though not with visuals, since I don’t like filming myself talking..maybe I could put footage of cats over the audio though lol) of me going through my inbox and answering things, since I feel like typing takes me so much longer than speaking, and sometimes it’d be more convenient).

I’ve also thought about just like.. talking about world-building stuff, like.. rather than writing out a post, I can just ramble about things or something,, but I’m afraid I’d get too disorganized, so it’d probably only be good for answering questions about specific things (which I don’t really get questions about worldbuilding stuff that I could have enough to sit down and answer in a video lol.. I think I’ve gotten two so far?? which I already answered in text posts).

So idk, maybe those could also be ways to hear more of me talking? If I used audio more often to answer things or discuss things (like answering asks that way) rather than typing.. which would save me time anyway lol.. But I just feel unsure about it since it seems.. weird.. like.. some people might just want a quick answer to their ask and not have to skip to a certain time stamp of a video and hear me talk about it for 5 minutes lol..

But anyway, yeah, feel free to offer specific suggestions or support towards anything mentioned if it’s really something you want to see! I really appreciate that you even watched the silly little vocabulary video and especially that you actually enjoy my rambling lol (I sometimes feel annoying when I speak), and I hope I can make something sometime!! I just have trouble deciding on what content I should be making or etc., but maybe I’ll try to find a few more things I can do where I’m actually talking!

(also thanks for hoping I feel okay! I am a little bit better, but still sick lol)

5. “Hope you feel better (emoji heart that I can't type on a computer)”

Thank you!! It’s been really stink to be sick the entire first month of the year lol, but hopefully I’ll be better like.. by mid February at least!!! With how goal focused I am, it’s been like... utterly evil to not be able to start the year off well and get all of my to-do list stuff done.. I’m finally at a point where I’m finishing a few things again (like this post, and a few of the worldbuilding things from a week ago or etc), but I still can’t stop myself being.... deeply annoyed, by my loss of time and how much I feel like I should have gotten done already aaaAAA.

Especially I REALLY WANT TO DO another costume soon!!!! I have some laid out in my closet that I hope to do, but I keep waiting until I’m feeling better, since I’m afraid of having some random sickness related health problem in the middle of getting dressed and then having to like.. show up to the doctor while I have elf ears on and half a horn on my head or something ghghggh...

But anyway, I can’t do anything to change it now, so the best I can manage is just to kind of.. ignore my losses and move forward and try to be as productive as possible from now on! I really hope I can still get some of my main goals (like the game, costumes, music, worldbulding stuff) finished in reasonable time, even if I basically lost the entire month of January into a void lol. Sometimes you just lose an entire month of time... life is just Like That and you have to move on and make the most out of it I guess!

6. Would you ever like consider selling your outfits???? I have an extended non violent larping thing coming up and i really love your outfits!

I might actually! I mentioned it before I think like, months ago, but i have a LOT of clothes I really want to get rid of, it’s just that it’s SO daunting. I’ve sold clothes before and it took hours and hours of effort, and you have to constantly keep up with it and track sales, and on top of that I really underestimated shipping prices (especially making the mistake of shipping internationally on one of them I think), and I ended up making no profit and actually losing $70 just from paying people’s shipping that I didn’t charge them for (which for me and my financial situation is.. A LOT.. like.. I do NOT have that kind of spare money ghghh).

This time I want to be careful about it and also I’ll have to charge a lot more (which of course, I feel guilty about since I have Bigg Money Anxiety and wish everything was free for everyone all the time gghb), and also it’s hard for me to find the time and energy to take literally hundreds of photos of hundreds of items and then list them somewhere and etc. etc. etc.

BUT to cut down on that workload I’ve thought about actually just grouping them into outfits or like, groups of clothing that all match each other or etc. and selling them all together (so that I don’t have to photograph and list every individual item), and additionally that way I can maybe just do one batch at a time like.. maybe sell two of them a week or something, instead of all at once.

Maybe just buying a certain size of box/envelope thing and stuffing whatever I can into it and selling them all for a set price like $40 a piece or something. Which to me sounds extremely expensive I guess since I’m someone who would never have $40 to just spend on clothing lol, but I really kind of can’t go much lower than that if I want to allot for shipping and not make the same mistakes again as last time (and definitely not allow people to buy internationally unless they pay me like.. $50 extra or something, which would be ridiculous lol).

But anyway, especially since I have a few things I could really use money for (paying my guardians back for recent medical copays, and for my cat’s vet visit a few months ago, and also I have to fix the battery on my computer or buy a new one, etc.), I’ve thought about trying to do that soon! Maybe sometime in the next month I can start listing some themed clothing groups/outfits/etc. and sell them at a slower better pace for me (like one group a week or so). I’ll definitely post about it if I do!

7. (this one will have to be shortened a lot since it's so long, but I'll try to just type the main parts I'm replying to) “Are you making/would you consider making a story with your fantasy worlds? Like a book or a zine or youtube videos where you roleplay as the characters and make them talk to the viewer or each other? If you don't want to create plot, you could just do characters seeking to educate humans bout their cultures or something. I used to scroll past your posts since I'm more visual when it comes to fantasy, before realizing how interesting they are and I feel like your ideas need more playing out and exposure. ALSO, how do you feel about collaborating with other people on creating art? Or just being art pals and sharing ideas/plans/etc.? I just read your FAQ about collaborations so I understand the terms and my offer to be art friends still stands!”

-- About whether I’ll make more things with my world:

Thanks so much for the very nice message!! Worldbuilding stuff is one of the most fun creative activities for me to do, so I always appreciate it when people discuss it with me and etc. (not that I don’t also appreciate compliments on sculptures and costumes and etc., those are great too! But I guess because world stuff is something I’m so much more personally invested in yet also never get to talk about lol, anytime anyone sends me anything related to characters or worlds or etc my brain is instantly like !!!!!!!!!!!!! O v O !!!!!!!!!!! ghgh).

I am actually making a game like I may have mentioned a few times, which though it’s more character focused and doesn’t really have a plot/broader story (it’s basically like a dating sim except without romance/dating, but it has similar mechanics in the sense that the main goal is to get to know characters in the world and do tasks for them and etc.), it will include a good bit of things that have do with my world, seeing as it like... takes place there.

And since each of the characters have their own backgrounds and etc., they’ll of course speak about various world-related topics. Like for example, one of the shop-owners you can work for is an elf from outside of the elven alliance, and another shop the player can work at is owned by a set of twins who were formerly part of a royal family within the alliance, so those characters (when getting to know them and doing quests for them and etc) will of course have different perspectives on the world and talk about some of the stuff that’s been brought up in my worldbuilding posts, just obviously in a more personal/casual way, since it’s dialogue rather than me writing exposition infodump posts.

Like for example, the fact that alliance elves and non-alliance elves often have very different takes on the main elven religion, meaning if it comes up in conversation, both shopkeepers would give different dialogue relating to it, etc. Which since every character has their own unique situation and heritage and etc. (the game is set on a popular market street in a large global city, so here it actually makes sense for a bunch of different species to all be in the same place and etc.), I think could maybe expose players to a lot of the central worldbuilding concepts, depending on which shopkeeper they go with.

Obviously characters aren’t going to just be doing unnatural exposition dumps about the extensive background of the world or something lol, but even just naturally and playing through a character with neutral favor (meaning not unlocking any special positive/negative dialogue options/etc), you’d still be able to get at least a few tidbits about the world. (especially since some character’s conflicts stem from cultural/worldbuilding factors, so it’s not unnatural for them to bring it up if that’s like.. something that seriously impacts their life lol.). It probably wont expose people to Advanced Lore like the time gaps or obscure types of magic or etc (well.. depending on which shopkeepers you talk to hbhbb), but it could help with some of what you’re talking about.. In the sense of it being a more accessible visual medium that, while not the MAIN focus of the game, does end up covering some of the world background information through natural dialogue.

(always feel free to send an ask or something if you have any questions about the game, I never talk about it but every time I start to my brain unlocks and I have to stop myself from like.. saying literally every single thing about it ghgbhj)

Other than that though, I’m not currently working on anything that actually involves my world. I totally get what you mean though, and I’ve often tried thinking of ways to make it more accessible and etc (shorter posts, more clear topics, more visual elements, etc.), but it can be hard for me to work within those constraints when it already takes so much time for me to put those things together. It’s like I have so much planned out in my head, I kind of just want to get it out there however I can, since if I spend too much time deliberating about it or etc. it will become an endless task lol..

Ghhbh I actually have an extensive background in acting out characters, I’ve pretty much walked around talking to myself in different voices and etc. for my whole life and am used to like acting multiple characters at once and improvisational storytelling things (this is still what I spend a lot of my time doing lol.. I just.. walk around my house having conversations out loud pretending to be random people.. Especially when doing chores, like washing dishes or etc. is more fun if you pretend you’re a group of travelers working in a weird little elven restaurant bickering with each other the whole time hgh), but idk if that would be something I would do for videos. I feel weird about being on camera personally, even if I were in costume. But it is a really good suggestion since that is something which would be much much easier to produce than like, doing a full animation or writing a book or something lol.

I have thought of reading my worldbuilding posts aloud/ doing audio versions of them, so that people could just listen to them instead of reading them (there would be no visuals like.. just black screen or something with audio of me reading it), but the way I write is like.. hard to read back? I love to read out loud (one of my favorite activities to entertain myself is to actually find random text I’ve never seen before and see how well I can sightread it. Especially random medical articles with a lot of words I don’t know in them lol, it’s fun to just try to go through a new text fast in a convincing narrator voice or something, scrambling to mess up as little as possible), but I find that I have to modify my writing in order to read it that way (I’ve attempted to make a worldbuilding audio thing before, this is how I know this lol), so it’s almost like I’m writing a whole second version of the post, which makes it take longer?

I could modify my writing style (less having things in parentheses and etc., side sentences that occur in the middle of main sentences and break reading flow, etc.. Like this one lol), and have thought about writing in a way that would be easier for me to read back, but it’s just a whole thing I’d have to plan. I’ve definitely considered it though, and could pursue that idea further if people were interested or something!

I’ve also thought of writing dialogue out between characters as a method of worldbuilding (not a story, but more like a script) since I think that’s a good natural way to convey things or give snapshots of moments in history or etc... but like.. That would just be more text so it wouldn’t really solve the problem lol. I could do audio reading them I guess, but since I’m more used to improv stuff, idk how I would do trying to read actual already written lines, even if I was the one who wrote them, it would definitely be something I’ve never done before lol!

I also just think doing smaller things could help, and anything interactive. Like shorter posts, especially with more visuals in them, typically get seen more, and then stuff like me making a game or other condensed things.. I’ve thought of making like.. a character selection screen, not an actual game but kind of like a dress up game where you get to choose your background from the different species in my world and then dress them up a little or etc. but that would be a LOT more work than it seems probably lol.

A lot of social media is just a combination of luck/the right connections, quantity, and consistency especially. I’m sure if I could do a short post a day or a drawing of a character every other day or something and reblog them a lot, then more people would see the other things I do as well and etc., but it’s just... very difficult for me to operate that way since it’s so inherently antithetical to my personality and how I work lol (I tend to be more of a.. .. ‘stay isolated working on things and barely post anything for 3 months then post 10 things at once out of nowhere before going inactive again’ type of person ghbh.. which is like.. horrible from a Social Media Strategy standpoint).

(Oh also, I still have no idea what a zine is even though I've seen them around and looked at a few and even looked up the definition of one to try to understand them hhghgg.. I’m still not exactly sure like.. what qualifies as one or how I would make a world-related one lol.. so this is why I didn’t really go into much detail on that specific suggestion of yours since.. I’m Uneducated Fool )

But anyway, Idk if I could do acting videos, but I could do audio reading of posts or other things, and I am at least in the middle of working on a game which heavily involves elements of the world, so maybe that counts for what you’re talking about!

Though personally it really doesn’t matter much to me if many people see my world stuff or etc., since really all the fun is just that I sincerely enjoy coming up with ideas and creating worlds and etc., even if I’m not doing anything major with it ( making a book series or comics or etc. I don’t feel like worldbuilding has to be working toward another project, and like that it can just be done for it’s own sake as a hobby), I still truly appreciate the sentiment and that you enjoy the world enough to give suggestions and etc. for stuff like that!! I’m going to keep at it however I can just because I love doing it so much, no matter if anyone really pays attention, but it is always unexpected and very meaningful when people like you engage with the content, so thank you for that! I’ll continue trying to make things and be productive and maybe use a few new ideas here and there just so it’s easier for people like you who tend to be more visual with things. I want to avoid leaving people out, and try to make a variety of things that can cater to more visual people as well or etc.!

-- About possibly being art friends or working together:

Well you said you read the collaboration FAQ, so I’m under the impression that I no longer need to answer that part of your question lol, thus I’ll just continue on with an answer assuming you know all of that information!

I’m always up for it I guess! I’m not sure about collaborating since I know nothing about you, and also don’t know where you live (remember I mention that it’d be much easier to collaborate with people I live closer to so we don’t have to like.. skype or some other weird digital method of communication in order to talk about ideas. Just since that sort of thing can get so lengthy, especially if it’s an actual project being taken seriously, I’d rather speak to someone in person and be able to work on it alongside each other better). If I got to know you for a few months and thought I could trust you/know we have a similar vision/don’t clash creatively or personality wise, AND we also lived close enough to meet at least occasionally, then yeah! project collaborations could work. If otherwise, then unfortunately it might not work in that regard. : U

(OH also if we’re a similar age?? I forget that people on the internet can be way younger than me.. I have nothing against younger people (very against the weird overly-simplified generational stereotyping ggh), but I would just feel kind of weird being an adult (early 20s) working with a minor who’s like 13 years old or something. I would be happy to talk about things from time to time and help with ideas or something, but actual like.. long term collaborative projects like writing a book together or creating and selling a game or something may be strange just due to us being at such totally different stages in our lives and etc. So, to collaborate on projects or even just communicate frequently about them or etc. I would also prefer we’re a similar age range (you’re somewhere from like 19 - 28 yrs old or close to that) ghhbh)

As for just talking about art though, that could work fine probably! Since it would just be casual discussion and less serious than full on project collabs or etc., you wouldn’t need to live near me or etc. Though of course I would still need to know about you first (especially politics and stuff like.. I don’t want to get 50 long conversations in with someone only to find out they hate trans people or are a huge racist or etc. I always like to establish that ahead of time or at least have some idea of a person’s leanings.), and understand your personality a little.

I am pretty socially anxious and due to health problems and stuff can sometimes be bad at replying ( I know some people expect instant responses, whereas I usually reply in a day or two ( depending on how long the message is)), but I also don’t currently have any friends to talk about world-building stuff with really or who care much about that sort of thing, so I’m always open to having conversations about stuff like that!

Especially if it’s a low-pressure causal sort of thing in the sense of like “hey let’s just see if we get along well conversationally and if we don’t then no hard feelings”, etc. One of the main reasons I’m often afraid to talk to strangers is that if we end up NOT getting along and I decide that I want to stop talking or etc., I’m afraid they’ll get mad at me or lash out at me or something. I prefer it when the expectation is set ahead of time like “we can both walk away at any time and should feel free to openly communicate how we feel about this conversation at any time. if we wouldn’t make good art friends or have trouble communicating then that’s fine and we just respectfully stop talking”. Which sounds like.. very common sense but.. I've talked to a few people in the past who struggled with communication and would be passive aggressively mean to you about it or something like that instead of just being open about them not feeling like talking anymore or etc., which is always a confusing situation to be in and I’d like to avoid it!

Anyway though! I can’t promise anything since I don’t know you and am cautious about new people (I don’t want to be like “OH sure we’ll be best friends!!” before I even know you and set up false expectations), but I’m definitely at least open to talking, especially about world-building stuff, if we’re compatible and respectful to each other and etc. And am also open to collaborations, under the right circumstances like what I’ve mentioned. Thank you again for the very nice set of asks!!!! I hope you have a great day, anon~

And that’s all for the reply post. Thanks to everyone who sent in asks about stuff!!

#replies

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