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silviakundera · 2 years

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I'm at ep 35 of yanxi and I love it so much but wow my blood is boiling like at least gao was an evil monster with some depth but she owned it and she was so dramatic and fun but erqing and consort Chun are pissing me off to the highest degree the absolute fakeness all over a man they spoke 5 words t their whole lives damn girls have some dignity I beg. I don't want to get spoiled but please tell me ying luo returns it to them 100 times fold I need to see them get fucked up so badly. Also consort Xian is so insidious but lmao I respect her she's the only who seems as smart as ying luo when it's their turn to battle ooof it's gonna be riveting the 3 dimensional chess will be out of this world.

hard SAME anon, consort chun is the fucking worst. just the fact that her big beef is because of her own foolish & narcissistic fantasy...

(but then tbh I have to step back and admit I like that writing, because it captures the secret dark heart of humans.... that lil secret we keep inside that there is nothing in the world that will make us bite back harder & feel as much instinctive, vicious rage as when someone reveals to us that we were childisly deluded, that we are not as smart & important as we believed ourself to be. Consort Chun's villian arc is so BASIC, just like her. It's that she was wrong. There was no secret, tragic pact between her and the empress' brother! no romantic conspiracy! He doesn't hate her either, he is simply not thinking of her at all. She thought herself the heroine with doomed fate, a grand tale fraught with intrigue. and in fact she is nothing & no one. it was all in her head! ... and that revelation breaks her & fills her with boundless rage, a need to destroy. She can't accept this humiliation.)

Consort Xian is a fantastic villain and worthy adversary to our best girl Yinglou ❤. Yeah of course you know she can out plan, out last any motherfucker. 🙅

I always think her greatest edge in the palace battles is her POV she expresses in the 1st couple episodes : if she is slapped, humiliated, ground undeneath someone's heel - so be it. Wei Linglou will absorb any insult, any greviance. She will just hibernate & wait for an opportunity to take that next step towards her goals. NO indignity is too large to swallow. She will use every weapon at her disposal: including her own body & spirit. She never considers herself too precious.

This is actually incredible, ruthless self-control than few of the other players (including the emperor) can come even close to mastering. It makes her unpredictable to them.

#wei yingluo #story of yanxi palace #cdrama #consort chun-like think about it #that squirming scrabbling cold burn #of humiliation #upon realizing you were duped #you thought someone was hitting on u #u felt so attractive and powerful #then the sick dread - u read every interaction wrong #its not even about that person #the first pain #the deepest pain #is the shame #the cognitive dissonance #all the inner ego stroking #that has now turned back on u #like a sword to the gut

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mildhigh · 8 months

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Jesus Christ t3rfs are fucking batshit wacky aren't they

#they fall hook line and sinker for the bullshit they're supposedly against then make it trans people's fault #you really gotta have a unique cognitive dissonance to not realize that you're being conned by the very men and patriarchy you say you hate #remember when that one said the 1 3 words and they all cheered? lmfao but they're leftists guys i swear #no amount of debunking will help because they'll just pull another piece of easily disproven “evidence” from their asses #they scream misogyny whenever trans women exist but then play into misogynistic stereotypes like. it's so mind bogglingly stupid #faust rants 🔥

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setsunas-genshin-edits · 1 year

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Lipstick Scara

#this edit is dealing me immense psychic damage #im so close to finishing it #for those of you that dont know i have a messed up view of scara bc i used him as a general hate iutlet for all my frustration at teppei #being dead for like a year #so when i started realizing he was likable during archon quest the cognitive dissonance has led to me having the most disturbing #tsundere type shit going on except the 'its not like i like you' part is just a genuine urge to rip him apart #girl moment

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dormarunt · 2 years

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Tbh about Sergio’s and Martin’s relationship I feel like the show fucked it up a bit. They needed a reason to explain Martin’s absence from the first heist so they had Sergio say all that stuff about how “egoistical” “unstable” “unpredictable” and “obsessed with power” he is, and he may very well be all of that but in the speech Sergio completely disregards all of his ‘redeeming’ (using this word lightly XD) qualities, skills that make him a good thief and a great asset. Also let’s not mention the fact that Andres is exactly same. When you go from that scene alone it does seem pretty clear that Sergio dislikes Martin, that he hardly even respects him frankly. (Side-note personally I hate that scene so much for how they portrayed Sergio as the biggest hypocrite the show has ever seen. ) (Also “no personal relationships” yet he hires two cousins, a father and son and once again forgets that both Andres and Martin have been doing heists together for years, successfully while having “a personal” relationship) And yet I still think they like each other, they definitely respect each other but I would even go as far to say that after Andres’ death they are the closest thing to a family that they’ve both got left. I always like to come back to that one scene, the first Martin scene where Martin comforts Sergio and tells him that it isn’t his fault that Andres died. I don’t think we’d have that scene if they didn’t care about each other. And even if Sergio is a bit reticent in their dynamic I just feel like *that’s* Sergio. That’s just what he’s like.

I also feel like the show is missing some crucial scenes focusing on the Sergio-Martin dynamic. I know lcdp has many main characters that need to get their ‘moment’ but I still think they missed a great opportunity, a scene or two that connects the “Sergio hates Martin” scene and the “They genuinely trust one another”. scenes that comes afterwards. It seems like a great leap to make without any additional scenes.

Also I agree with you that Andres in a weird way is what has been, for lack of better words maintaining that distance between Martin and Sergio. I don’t think Sergio understands their relationship, and quite honestly despite their strong bond I don’t really think that Sergio even understands Andres all that well… I think that for the majority of those ten years it was Martin and Andres with Sergio stopping by here and there but mostly doing his own stuff. With that in mind I’m not surprised Sergio is somewhat naive when it comes to Andres. e.i. Sergio neglecting to see that Andres is just as unpredictable and uncontrollable as Martin. That in the end Andres will be the one to pose as a threat to his plan (Andres ordering Denver to kill a Monica).

Plus how wounded and on the verge of breaking Andres was with the whole dying, leaving Martin and their plan etc. situation. I don’t think Sergio really saw the extent of how broken Andres truly was. And not to blame all of it on Sergio, to me it feels like Andres always put up a front with Sergio, in a way Sergio will always be his hermanito and I think Andres will always have that urge to protect him. Even if it means acting strong when he’s anything but. I imagine he practically raised him.

Back to the Martin and Sergio dynamic though, I feel like they are similar enough to have great deal to talk about. Or to friendly bicker at least. I don’t want to go too far into fanon land but maybe it disarms Sergio to see Andres the way he is with Martin. Maybe he’s different to what he remembers and it’s hard to reconcile with who he is now, it’s much easier to avoid them, deny it all and put it all on Martin. Idk there’s something there and I wish we could have seen what it truly was.

Anon. This was such a delicious message, thank you! <3

> They needed a reason to explain Martin’s absence from the first heist so they had Sergio say all that stuff about how “egoistical” “unstable” “unpredictable” and “obsessed with power” he is, and he may very well be all of that but in the speech Sergio completely disregards all of his ‘redeeming’ (using this word lightly XD) qualities, skills that make him a good thief and a great asset.

You're completely right. I talked about this before, but in a way, I see Martin's character as a sort of a plot device. He only exists because the second plan needs to exist (we basically know nothing about his backstory that's not related to Andres or the plan, like he didn't have a life prior to that or outside it), and his absence from the first heist needed some sort of explanation, and so we have Sergio’s (solely negative) appraisal of him. But I think those scenes also exist to explain Martín’s “going rogue” and freeing Gandia; they were interspersed within those episodes with great care, linking them directly to explain why Martín did it.

> (Also “no personal relationships” yet he hires two cousins, a father and son and once again forgets that both Andres and Martin have been doing heists together for years, successfully while having “a personal” relationship)

Not to mention that Andrés is literally his brother lol. Yeah we’re not talking about how they weren’t brothers when they started to write the show, but c’mon. It’s canon now!

> I always like to come back to that one scene, the first Martin scene where Martin comforts Sergio and tells him that it isn’t his fault that Andres died. I don’t think we’d have that scene if they didn’t care about each other. And even if Sergio is a bit reticent in their dynamic I just feel like *that’s* Sergio. That’s just what he’s like.

Yes! It’s much more in line with the Sergio/Martin dynamic we see in the rest of the show. Although I read a lot of guilt in Sergio's reticence, and maybe some shame in front of Martin too. Actually I wonder; had Andrés not died and instead it was him coming back years later to ask Martín permission to do the second heist - would he have said yes so easily?

> also feel like the show is missing some crucial scenes focusing on the Sergio-Martin dynamic. I know lcdp has many main characters that need to get their ‘moment’ but I still think they missed a great opportunity, a scene or two that connects the “Sergio hates Martin” scene and the “They genuinely trust one another”. scenes that comes afterwards. It seems like a great leap to make without any additional scenes.

Yeah, they glossed over a lot of that, and we just accepted it. But then again, they did the same with Rafael who didn’t want to be anything like his father, and the very next scene we see him in, he allows himself to be roped in the Viking gold heist with zero complaints. I feel like both Rafael and Martín’s characters lost out on not having some of these scenes to pad out the missing pieces.

> I think that for the majority of those ten years it was Martin and Andres with Sergio stopping by here and there but mostly doing his own stuff.

YES! I think so too, based on how emotional their meeting in Italy was and how they had to catch up before Andrés took him to the monastery and told him about Tatiana and the plan. I also got the impression that they didn't see each other often, that Andres actually spent more time with Martin than with his brother - which ties into---

> With that in mind I’m not surprised Sergio is somewhat naive when it comes to Andres. e.i. Sergio neglecting to see that Andres is just as unpredictable and uncontrollable as Martin. That in the end Andres will be the one to pose as a threat to his plan (Andres ordering Denver to kill a Monica).

It would make sense Sergio would have a blind spot about his brother, although tbh I'm surprised that he didn't pick up on the fact that Andres was in the bathroom maiming that guy with the fork (even Martin said he'd be beating the hell out of the guy; he went to a different kind of violence - but even he was still expecting, and tacitly enabling, violence). It is consistent with what you mention, how Andres said fuck the rules the second he set foot in the Mint, ordering to execute a hostage. (which, btw - *why* did he do it? Was it really what he said, to ~establish dominance and sow fear among the hostages? Can’t that be read that in a way he doesn’t respect the plan and, by extension, Sergio? Did he do it to prove to his brother that he is as unpredictable as he insisted he was? Was that self-destruction OR was it just written because the plot needed it, with no attention to the character consistency?)

> And not to blame all of it on Sergio, to me it feels like Andres always put up a front with Sergio, in a way Sergio will always be his hermanito and I think Andres will always have that urge to protect him.

Makes sense; he protected him till the end, arguably sacrificing himself so that his brother would be sure to make it. I think the flashback… of the flashback of when Jesus died showed that Sergio did the same for his brother, shielding him too, in his way. They seem to try and shield each other a lot, which isn’t the way I see Andrés communicating with Martín. Or Sergio and Martín communicating with each other; Martín has no problem telling him that he loves Andrés, something that Andrés downplays - if not downright denies - when confronted with it by his brother. Andrés outright tells his brother that he’s much more volatile than Martín, even going as far as to prove it by forking that guy, yet Sergio still hangs on to the idea of Andrés that he has in his head.

> I don’t want to go too far into fanon land but maybe it disarms Sergio to see Andres the way he is with Martin. Maybe he’s different to what he remembers and it’s hard to reconcile with who he is now, it’s much easier to avoid them, deny it all and put it all on Martin. Idk there’s something there and I wish we could have seen what it truly was.

That makes sense and seems to be the case. He seems blind to the fact that whatever his brother and Martín have is mutual - even just platonically, since he sees them interact. But then again, Sergio seems blind to/lying to himself about a lot of things, not just who his brother and Martin are, but his own rules about "personal relationship" and the feasibility of pulling such heists without bloodshed (all the while arming everyone to the teeth).

#solid motivation #asks #Berlermo #we can look into all of this a lot #and it's hard to realize how much the characters are who they are because humans are prone to cognitive dissonance and unpredictability #and how much of them is who the plot needed them to be #it's surely a mix of the two #like - it still doesn't make sense to me that Martin freed Gandia??#without being sure that La Banda was 100% able to kill him #some sort of genius he was??#i guess that the plot needed him to do that #so they chucked in the scenes in the restaurant with the three of them and called it #not saying Martin is dependable #no #the guy IS chaotic and vengeful and with a short temper #but even cornered as he was #idk man #idk

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blueseakelp · 2 years

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sometimes i think ‘i need to get the hell away for college or i might Die’ and sometimes i think ‘actually i’m the only one holding this goddamn family together and if i leave things will completely fall apart’

#this is the LIFE #i came home from volleyball practice after school in order to change for work and eat #what i ACTUALLY did was stop my brother from hitting my mom with a metal picture frame because she broke all his legos because he ripped up #something of hers #so there’s that 🤠#i spent my time parenting/therapizing an actually insane child while also trying to not justify my mom’s shitty behavior #cognitive fucking dissonance #figuring out how to put this on my college apps actually #also @ my family: yall bitches are lucky im scared of the afterlife bc yall would realize how much i fucking do around here to keep us sane #n e ways <3

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cogdis2-xx · 2 years

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Sorry for the lack of updates lately, been a bit burned out and hyperfixated on other things lol

Next update might not be for a bit but I'm currently planning things out in my head for what that could have

(Don't expect it to be huge, though it'll have progress for something that'd be hell to tackle all at once lol)

#yeah i've just realized i can. work on diagonal movement-proofing things in chunks #as opposed to all at once #so that's on the table now #Cogdis #mother cogdis #mother cognitive dissonance #Modding #Cogdis 2.XX development #Cogdis 2.XX

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snekdood · 4 months

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idk what queer leftist whos demonizaing jews that needs to hear this but. ya realize that... believing in all those antisemitic conspiracy theories.... may just backfire on your lil gay ass? ya ever think of that, you literal tool for the right?

#you wont be chosen above jewish people. you'll be labeled as jewish for being queer and thrown in the pits like the rest of us #clearly you're having cognitive dissonance and not realizing how many alt right people- most of them- think queer people are part #of this whole jewish conspiracy theory shit.#yall'd rather let white supremacists and neo nazis win and kill you than stand up for jewish people #because you're all bitch made cowards that think you can bide your time giving fuel to the nazis.#all of you are absolutely horrible people.#yall are not being as careful as you fucking should be being rn with what you're saying or spreading.#which makes me side eye tf out of you

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nastytransmasc · 5 months

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Unfortunately, or fortunately, idk, the patterns are converging and becoming more pronounced

#bro why do adhd. autism. chronic illness. and trauma all have the same fucking symptoms #it’s like I can’t tell me from the trauma responses #realizing I’m trans helped a lot but now I feel like that’s the only thing I know about myself #also feeling a lot or guilt for having access to treatment for my trauma while people are being retraumatized and murdered constantly #just a lot of cognitive dissonance and dissociation #like grateful that I have access. but like why me ya know #I didn’t do anything to deserve it but being born where I was #I’ve felt guilty for being alive since I was a kid #it’s like a weird survivor’s guilt but what did I survive?#wish my head would shut the fuck up #me posting #shoutout to my bestie internet anonymity. I love you bitch

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catsolas · 9 months

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(she is entering a new era. a worse one)

#longing to be normal again and in blissful ignorance #at the same time knowing that ignorance wont protect her #realizing that the world of the supernatural is even more dangerous than she could have imagined #but like cognitive dissonance who???#maybe all she needs is another pedicure to feel better 💕#oc: paige #cat plays motw

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captainjonnitkessler · 5 months

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The absolute fucking GALL it takes to say "if you disagree with me, it's because you're a bigot. And if me calling you a bigot makes you angry, it's because you're experiencing cognitive dissonance at realizing you're not a Good Person like you thought you were. But don't worry, all you have to do to be a Good Person for real is to just agree with me about everything, take everything I say at face value and never ever criticize me or my community in any way!"

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actual-changeling · 6 months

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i feel like all my meta posts just clicked and solved a puzzle in my brain. however i am also currently upping my sleep med dosage so if any of this sounds like the incoherent rambles of a mad man it's cause i am. incoherent and insane and rambling that is. (not a man)

but i have to write this post since i had a lightbulb realization moment.

because the thing is, besties, that aziraphale is a fucking horrible liar. he gets nervous and fidgety, he stutters, you can SEE him sweating anxiety. just look at him in the bookshop when the archangels inquire about their not-so-little 25 lazarii miracle.

his best "lies" are when he is actually telling the truth but twisted. he has never been a good liar (see job) and that has not changed in six thousand years. all smiles directed at archangels are visibly wrong, his discomfort is tangible.

whenever he panics it is written across his face clear as day, including, and this is the important bit, when he is talking to the metatron.

now, you are wondering why exactly that matters, and the point is something we have all talked and thought about for ages but my brain just. formed some new neural pathways.

because he is a terrible liar, he is horrible at hiding his emotions.

but you know who isn't?

crowley.

unless you know him, it is very hard to read his facial expressions with his glasses on. he can turn his emotions "off", he can put a wall in front of them and by extension around himself.

i talked about it more in this post, so for background info have a look at it (if you want to)

it's crowley's thing yet there is one moment, one, glorious moment in which aziraphale executes it perfectly. and that moment mirrors crowley putting on his glasses, it is aziraphale attempting to hide away all of his feelings and thoughts so no one can tell what he is really thinking.

the parallels besties. the fucking parallels.

what really sells it to me is that last comparison because it matches too well to not be intentional. honestly, after the sink story i think every little thing in this show is done on purpose and with attention to detail, so.

the empty look, the heartbreak, the pain - the realization. this is it. i am not walking away from this unharmed but i am walking away. or rather into the loneliness, the absence of the person i love.

for aziraphale also the realization that the world is about the get fucked and he is not.

after that we have the inhale of courage. taking a deep breath to calm yourself, to find your way back to your body. a kind of preparation we have all done at one point or another.

the mask slides into place. or at least you want it to slide into place, you are trying to fucking jam it into the spot you need it to be but sometimes it's like trying to push the square peg through the round hole.

it's a disconnect, it's putting up a physical and emotional wall. crowley does it to hide away from aziraphale.

aziraphale does it hide from heaven and the metatron, yes, but he does it to hide from himself. at his core, aziraphale compartmentalizes. he is so fucking good at cognitive dissonance it's scary, and that's what happens here.

he knows, he KNOWS, that he needs to lock up his feelings or he won't be able to get into that fucking lift and do what he thinks he needs to do.

and so he walks away from crowley just like crowley walked away from him, copying him and doing exactly what he has seen him do a thousand times: putting up wall after wall after wall. ripping out every sprout of vulnerability before it can bloom.

except that he stopped doing it after the no-pocalypse, and that is why it hurts so fucking badly when he puts his glasses back on.

he is not ripping out a sprout, he is uprooting an entire fucking tree

aziraphale cannot hide behind sunglasses by crowley so he hides underneath an angelic persona, the person he thinks he should be, needs to be, and the problem is that whenever he slips into that role, it becomes him.

getting crowley to take off his glasses again is going to be a herculean task and the same goes for getting aziraphale to drop his act. they're one and the same in shape and origin and purpose but they are not indestructible.

because listen. all of this is painful and it hurts. it really is.

the fun part, however, is the fact that we know exactly what it takes to destroy that barrier, we have seen it happen to crowley before.

my point is that we are missing the parallel for said destruction.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #good omens meta #if there's any spelling or grammar errors pls know i typed half of this with my eyes closed bc my meds are kicking in

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thatdiabolicalfeminist · 8 months

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I really don't think it's true that abusers always know they're abusive or that if you're worried you're being abusive, that automatically means you're not.

There are patterns of harm we can fall into without really realizing what's going on. We live in an abuse culture that justifies and even celebrates certain kinds of abuse and makes them seem normal.

Maybe when you're trying to protect yourself from harm you set your boundaries so far out from your own autonomy zone that you're infringing on someone else's. Maybe you think you're being fair because you aren't thinking about what it's like for the other person, you're too focused on staying/getting in your own comfort zone.

Maybe you're so used to dysfunctional interactions that every conversation is a power struggle, and you don't even realize that when you're "winning" all the time you're grinding someone else down—you're too busy being relieved that you're not "losing" all the time anymore like you did in the past with someone else.

Maybe you think you're being "funny" and it's "banter" to constantly tear down someone in your life. Maybe you assume they're having fun with it too and that this is how you act friendly towards someone.

Maybe you believe lies about what rape is or what abuse is. Maybe you grew up being told men always want sex and you don't even realize when you're pressuring him into it that he genuinely doesn't want it and it's not a game. Maybe you believed the lies that women say no to seem modest but if she "gives in" that's how you know for sure she wants it. Maybe you thought physical arousal was the same as consent.

Maybe you thought being mean when you're in a bad mood wasn't abuse as long as you don't hit. Maybe you grew up in an environment where any conflict meant you had to hurt the other person as much as possible emotionally in order to "win".

Maybe you're a parent who learned that spanking or scaring your kids is how you keep them in line, which seems necessary to protect them. Maybe you don't realize how cutting some of the things you say are, or how thoughtless or unkind you're being. Maybe you never learned gentleness before you had kids, or don't understand what's age appropriate.

When you're an abuser or a rapist who didn't realize at the time how much harm you were doing, it can cause serious cognitive dissonance to realize the impact of your actions. It's easy to get defensive and decide that since you don't think of yourself that way, there's no way you could possibly be an abuser or a rapist.

It's easy to say that if you don't want to be an abuser, you're not. But it's not always true.

It is absolutely vital that everyone learns how to interact in safe and respectful ways. We're all responsible for figuring out how to not harm other people.

Believing that it's impossible you're harming other people can make you MORE likely to harm them, because you're not checking yourself to make sure that you're not.

#abuse #how to not be abusive #how to not be a rapist #abuse culture #thatdiabolicalfeminist #rape #rape culture

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bootleg-nessie · 5 months

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Things that will happen in the future (based on my own experiences with time travel):

***FAQs at the end***

*All of these observations are copied directly from my notes in roughly the order I took them in

*Don’t ask about the interchanging use of past/present/future tense, you know how that stuff is with time travel

Women just started all growing three boobs instead of two. Scientists baffled

Genetically engineered catboys (no literally)

The great pyramid of Giza has been converted into a Bass Pro Shop

The entire state of Rhode Island was bought by some rich tech CEO who promptly dug a 500 foot wide trench around the entire state so that it could in fact be an island. It was soon converted into the world’s largest parking lot

Pollution has gotten so bad that fresh oxygen is now delivered straight to most homes via a subscription service

Basic necessities such as food, water, and housing are now provided for free by the government, but only for the top 1% of wealth holders

Insulin now costs twice as much as rent. “Get fucked,” say pharma companies

92.6% of new electronic appliances now have smartphone integration and require a monthly subscription to use

Most billionaires have real estate on earth’s moon

As an ongoing film experiment, Taika Waititi successfully convinced a Nebraska man that he’s been raptured and is now in heaven. He actually got Truman Show’d and now millions of viewers tune in every week to watch God (played by John DiMaggio) manipulate Robert into confronting his own views, battle cognitive dissonance, and face the realization that he might not have been as good of a person on Earth as he thought he was

Carrots have gone extinct, as have highland cows

Species of extinct animals and plants now are being posthumously renamed after the billionaires and elites most directly responsible for killing then off

Researchers discovered a sentient colony of fungus off the coast of Chile, it prefers to go by Fleebo and appears to have a incredibly complex intelligence far greater than any other observed organic being

Nobody knows where Ireland went. It literally just disappeared off the face of the earth one day and nobody bothered to question it. The story couldn’t compete in the news cycle with the recent news about a company in China that made the first real life pokemon. An entire civilization of people gone and I’m the only one who seems to remember it or even care

Fleebo and its offspring have annexed Madagascar and are threatening any retaliation with nuclear warfare and “making The Last of Us a reality.” Nobody knows if Fleebo actually has the capabilities to do this, but after the Lovecraft incident we’re all TOO goddam scared to fuck around and find out

Large snails have replaced cats and dogs as the most common household pet. Snail culture has largely taken over the world, especially Japan

The president of the United States is now decided with an oiled up twerking competition. Most people were hesitant at first but this has produced vastly more competent leaders so now everyone just kinda goes along with it

With the cost of living crisis only worsening with time, selling tattoo space on your body to advertisers has become common as people struggle to afford rent and pay their bills

North and South Korea have reunited into “Korea 2.0”

Germany has split up into East and West Germany again

Belgium and France have been annexed by West Germany and renamed “Wester Germany” and “Westest Germany” respectively

The entirety of Florida is now underwater. Most of Kansas is too for some reason that scientists refuse to explain because they’ve “sworn an oath to the eldritch gods” and that “much worse things would happen” if they did

The melting ice caps in Antarctica unveiled a lost civilization of intelligent creatures descended from a species of lungfish, predating human civilization by millions of years. They planned on hibernating for another 10-15 million years to observe the course of evolution on Earth and are very very angry at humans for waking them up prematurely and ruining all of that with global warming

The politically correct term for lungfish people is “Dipnoid” but most people refer to them by a variety of slurs, such as “finwalker” and “kelp muncher” (not that they even eat kelp)

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch has now increased to nearly half the size of what was formerly known as Canada and has been colonized entirely by pirates (the flag is actually pretty cool). The pirate nation has the 17th largest economy in the world and is projected to surpass the United States in GDP

Africa is about 2% smaller. Nobody knows why. Most people point to Fleebo, who denies having any involvement

All human-Dipnoid interaction was promptly banned by most world governments, except for the GPGPRP (Great Pacific Garbage Patch Republic of Pirates), whom the Dipnoids rely upon extensively for trade

Scientists have used DNA from fossils to recreate other species of humans. We now live alongside them like we did for thousands of years before everyone besides Homo sapiens went extinct. Racism is at an all time high

Class C and above robots are now legally recognized by most progressive countries as people

The United States government has been exposed for secretly funneling billions of dollars into the GPGPRP and using it to fund terrorist operations all over the world.

A new major religion revolving around Dave Grohl has skyrocketed in popularity. Grohilsm is now the world’s largest religion, second only to Fleeboism

Scientists discovered a new continent in the Pacific Ocean, and then promptly lost it again. Most people are convinced this was just an elaborate practical joke, but scientists “swear it definitely happened”

For a brief period of about 30 years, everything in George Orwell’s 1984 happened almost exactly as written in the book. Literally 1984

It was revealed that Jeff Epstein didn’t kill himself. He actually faked his death and spent the next few years in a drug-fueled episode of psychosis making sock puppets in a cave in Italy and then molesting said sock puppets until he died from a sock puppet related illness

Bigfoot was discovered off the coast of Georgia doing cocaine with a congregation of alligators. When questioned, he said he normally lives in Montana and was only there on vacation. He is now a celebrity, and has been featured in a number of tv shows and films, two of which he won an Oscar for. Last I checked, he was a washed up actor living in Hollywood with a reanimated Neanderthal woman

The GPGPRP raided most of England’s museums with the object of “doing exactly what they did for the last few centuries” England was understandably furious, but the rest of the world found it rather amusing

England declared war on the GPGPRP, which it promptly lost after hackers brought down the entire country’s military overnight. Much like in the 21st century, England is the world’s laughing stock

The entirety of Luxembourg relocated itself to the moon

Russia attempted to take over most of Eurasia. In retaliation to the full global effort to stop them, they launched nukes at the world’s 600 most populous cities outside of its current territory. Most of the warheads were stopped in time, but a few major metropolitan areas got hit pretty badly, including Los Angeles, Hong Kong, Chengdu, Mexico City, and Istanbul. Japan was understandably super pissed that Hiroshima and Nagasaki got nuked for a second time

In the wake of the nuclear holocaust, Canada assumed control over what was formerly Russia and assimilated many of its citizens and leaders into its own society and government. Under the new rule of formerly Russian leaders, Canada became a puppet state for the second coming of Russia. It annexed much of the United States, Mongolia, China, and a handful of other countries, becoming “the world’s first megacountry.” Crungolaska now controls a majority of the northern hemisphere

As part of a practical joke by Adam Sandler, Tom Hanks was actually marooned on a desert island like in Castaway. He lasted less than a week before he died. When I left this era of the future, Adam Sandler was serving a lifetime sentence in prison for murder

Fringe groups of crows with above-average intelligence have started popping up around the world. So far they have been observed forming small communities, crafting relatively complex tools, using rudimentary speech, performing rituals, and creating music

Aliens visited earth and had a formal meeting with many of our world leaders, but decided to leave us alone for a few thousand more years because humanity is “not yet mature enough to handle the responsibilities of interstellar travel.” They have incentivized us with a the blueprints for an Alcubierre Drive and a means to produce the exotic matter to fuel it once they deem us as being ready

The original colony of settlers on Mars has declared independence, officially becoming the first country not on Earth

We sent Tom Cruise back to space but this time we just left him there

The tether for the space elevator broke. The town known as Vatorville, famous for being the location of the takeoff point of the elevator shuttle on Earth, was completely decimated as tens of thousands of miles of steel cable came crashing back down. There were no survivors

Most people in first and second world countries have mandatory microchip implants that serve as a personal ID

Last Thursdayism has been largely denounced by quantum physicists. Current theories now revolve around “Next Thursdayism,” the belief that the entire universe was created in the future and that we all exist as a memory in the past

Synthetic organ farms for transplants and research have become a massive industry worth billions of dollars. However, there is still a huge black market for organically grown human organs, as they’re much cheaper to acquire and aren’t taxed at the exorbitant rates that lab-grown organs are

China dug a hole all the way to the center of the Earth. Turns out it’s hollow and there are people living inside. Who knew?

A university reconstructed the entire city of Rome as it was in its early days during the Roman Empire. It’s actually pretty historically accurate, except for the fact that there’s a lot less sex because it’s run by a bunch of sweaty history nerds

After Rome 2 resulted in the creation of a cult revolving around the Roman god of the dead that gained traction as a minor religion, Pluto was officially reinstated as a planet by NASA when cultists picketed their headquarters every day for nearly 3 years straight. “Fine, we’ll give these fucking virgins what they want so they’ll finally shut the hell up,” said NASA’s administrator in chief

In a display of the biotechnical prowess of Disney’s Imagineers, all the animatronics in Disney’s Hall of Presidents were replaced with clones of the originals, which went about exactly as well as you’d expect. After reports of the presidents hurling a series of racial slurs and other obscenities at the first black family to enter surfaced, the project was shut down almost immediately after it had opened. Minority admission to Magic Kingdom plummeted to 2.3% of its numbers from the previous year, making it the second whitest place on earth after a taylor swift concert

Plastic now makes up about 3% of every organism on earth by weight

Public officials are now required by law to take shrooms before running for office

Trees are considered a rare and highly sought after commodity, and are usually only owned by public institutions and the rich (the vast majority of oxygen farms use algae to produce oxygen)

FAQs:

FAQ: What time period(s) did you go to?

A: I have no fucking clue. The world stopped using the Gregorian calendar in 2063 after a gamma ray burst hit the sun. The GRB led to stellar ablation, which changed the length of a year on Earth. The sun would continue to lose mass at an accelerated rate for several more years, with the length of the year changing slightly from year to year. The world adopted a variety of different calendars which kept being updated frequently and were often super confusing and contradictory. I traveled to about a dozen different points in time, which based on my best estimates spanned within a few millennia of the current date.

FAQ: How did you obtain a time machine?

A: I think it was the 17th or 18th of June, 2055? That night, a large sci-fi looking box thingy roughly the size of a VW Bus appeared a few hundred yards away in the open field in front of my house. I tried to take a picture of the box, but for some reason the closer I got, the more the image on my camera started to become fuzzy, and by the time I got close enough to take a decent picture, the camera had stopped working altogether. I pulled open a door to reveal a corpse inside that was charred beyond recognition, who appeared to have suffocated and/or burned to death during a fire that damaged most of the interior. I also noticed a number of strange tumors and growths on the body. I pressed a random button on the remains of what I believed to be a control panel, expecting nothing to happen, but the door closed automatically and I suddenly lost consciousness. When I came to, I exited the box, expecting to still be in the field in front of my house, but instead found myself a ways outside of a small snowy village that based on my best estimates, was somewhere in northern Asia around 2-3 thousand years ago. The villagers started coming after me with spears, so I quickly ran back to the box and pressed another button, hoping it would return me to from whence I came. This time, the people I found (who were thankfully much nicer and spoke a dialect of English that I could mostly understand) told me that it was the year 506 of the PGRB-Δ4 calendar (the calendar that the United Territories was using at the time). I repeated this maybe a dozen more times trying to get home until I landed in 2023, which as far as I could tell, was the closest I had gotten back to my original time so far. It was at this point that I decided to stay and seek medical attention, as I was rather concerned about some nasty new growths on my arms and legs similar to that which I had seen on the corpse.

FAQ: Where is the time machine now?

A: No idea. It disappeared a few days after I landed in 2023. My best guess is that some poor sap found it and ended up sometime else.

(I never ask for likes/reblogs but I literally spent fucking WEEKS on this one so if you liked it pls show me some love <3)

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