#order up for semi!

[bokutosmochi]

GOOD BOY

what's it? smut

allergen warning/s? fem!reader [no pronouns mentioned], contains seperate drabbles with reader being dom + sub, cervix kissing, name-calling, manhandling, unprotected sex, oral-fixation

sugar level? 0.8k

names for the orders? suna rintaro, tendo satori, tsukishima kei, bokuto kotaro, miya atsumu, semi eita

regulars? @hanayanetwork​

he groans freely as he buries himself to the hilt inside of you, eyes clenched. it's been so long since the two of you have fucked, the week's been busy for him and he wasn't able to spend as much time with you as he wanted, but now that he's here, he wants to make it up to you in more ways than one -- not just with his cock originally, but with the way you jumped into his arms and pulled him in for a kiss that's all teeth and tongue the moment he walked through the front door, he thinks that bullying his fat cock into your aching cunt is one hell of a way to get reacquainted with each other.

slowly, he starts to build up a rhythm. it's nice and familiar, but there's also something hidden there that wasn't always present and it's the longing and the neediness you always you was buried deep inside him ready to implode at any moment.

he fucks you like an animal, his strokes are deep and rough - you can feel the pink tip of his cock brushing against your cervix every time - and panting wildly into your ear. the sound is laced with soft moans coming from both you and him. but then, he grabs your left leg and hooks it over his hip, giving him another angle to fuck you in and it sends your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your hand to grab firm tuffs of his hair. "ah! fuck! good boy! t-that's a good boy." you say it without much care in the world, partially because you don't even recognize the words that just passed through your lips, too busy with the feeling of his cock in your walls. you can feel every single inch of him, and every single pulsing vein that decorates it.

he tenses up before a low growl comes from him.

you've been with this man for a very long time, but you've never seen him react like this, ever. and you've never heard that sound from him either. needless to say, you were equally confused, concerned, and aroused by the deep raspy sound. you don't have much time to think about the things it does to your body though.

the next thing you knew, he has flipped you on your tummy and pulled you up so you'd be on your hands and knees. a heavy hand rests on the back of your head and he applies more pressure on it, shoving your face into the bed as his hand travels down to your neck, holding you there in place. your back is arched perfectly, pussy fully exposed to him so he can do what he pleases with your tight hole. he leans down so his mouth is right next to the shell of your ear the same time he grinds his cock on your weeping cunt making you moan and attempt to clench your thighs together to no avail. "by good boy you better not be thinking i'm being submissive." the sensation, the whisper of his voice on your throat makes you shiver and your pussy pathetically tighten around nothing. he sees this and chuckles, running a finger through your folds and thrusting all the way in. "gonna fuck you dumb for that all night low, brat."

suna, TENDO, tsukishima

he tenses up before a whimper comes from him and his thrusts ceases.

you didn't really noticed what you've said earlier, but now, you're so glad for them though they were for word vomit, if anything. they were still true, spur of the moment thoughts. you cupped his cheek gently, relishing in the way he nuzzled into it and let out a low hum in response. his eyes fluttered shut and a tiny smile graced his face. "you like being called a good boy, baby?" he only let out a small mhmm as confirmation making you chuckle at his current state. this is the first time you've seen him submissive in the bedroom so it was new to you, but you certainly weren't complaining. "c'mon pretty boy, i want you to use your words." you said, running a hand through his hair making the smile on his face grow wider.

his eyelids flutter and in a blink, he's looking down at you with bright eyes. they look like they have stars in them from the way they gaze down at your form. "yeah, i like being called a good boy." a blush covers his cheeks and you think it's the prettiest thing you've ever seen.

you smirk and flip the two of you over. "that's so cute," you run your thumb over his bottom lip, cooing when he sucks it into his mouth. "be a good boy for me then, and i'll give you anything you want."

bokuto, ATSUMU, semi

i get: reblog

you get: a collar

#takipnet #hanaya network #tokyometronetwork #order of the day! #order up for suna! #order up for tendo! #order up for tsukishima! #order up for bokuto! #order up for atsumu! #order up for semi! #one black sesame mochi #with a side of pineapple italian ice #suna #suna x reader #suna smut #tendo #tendo x reader #tendo smut #tsukishima #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima smut #bokuto #bokuto x reader #bokuto smut #atsumu #atsumu x reader #semi eita #semi eita x reader #semi eita smut #atsumu smut

[ventresses]

Star Wars: The Bad Batch (4/?) - S1E01: Aftermath

Star Wars + Text Posts & Headlines

#the bad batch #sw the bad batch #sw tbb #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #palpatine #star wars the bad batch #bad batch memes #star wars memes #mine #tried to keep some semblance of visual flow and semi-chronological order this was the best i could do before giving up #star wars text post #TBB text post

[welcometogrouchland]

I just think Hunter was obsessed with Willow and didn't even know it during the period from any sport in a storm to labyrinth runners. They maybe don't talk as often as they could, they're both busy and have conflicting schedules, so when they do talk, Hunter absorbs everything she says.

After roughly 3 weeks of texting (hexting? I feel like the kids would call it hexting), He knows that her favorite colour is orange, she likes her tea with extra milk and a bit of honey during winter, she likes working out to the noisiest angriest music in her playlist, her dad Gilbert is a construction witch who specialises in pottery, she used to listen to breakup songs and think about her childhood best friend (Hunter doesn't know it's Amity) and she actually has a mild pollen allergy despite being a plant witch and has to take potions for it.

He casually drops all this info piece by piece during their stay in the human realm and willows like. Well I can't not marry him. It'll have to be a winter or fall wedding to account for her allergies </3

#ramblings of a lunatic #the owl house #toh #hunter toh #willow park #huntlow #Hunter is often ignored and hides and compartmentalizes his identity in order to survive and be respected = his love language is listening #he doesn't just go quiet around Willow bc he's shy (tho that's definitely a factor) he's also like wow everything you say is amazing #i want to listen to you 24/7 #(Willow realizes this and thinks back to how often she was ignored and isolated- #-and how it made her feel worthless and she's like. i must make him my bride) #i haven't rewatched in a while so i can't exactly tell how much of this is self indulgent and how much is like. actually character accurate #it's in limbo but it feels true to me #we don't know the details of their text exchanges beyond him sending her (presumably) a cute pic of flapjack #I've seen ppl argue that they didn't talk much over text bc she's slightly suspicious of him at first in labyrinth runners #but tbh I've always chalked that up to the general mindfuckery going on at hexside at that time #ergo she couldn't immediately trust that this was actually Hunter until he mentioned something specific about Gus #so i like to imagine it was semi-frequent chatting but i payed lip service to the idea that it wasn't super duper close #playing both sides so I always win etc etc #this is really just a covert way of babbling my willow headcanons

[autism0fadown]

Some of my Scary sketches n drawings!

I know the lighting is bad, just uhh… turn up the brightness on your phone or smthn..

I also fixed some minor details that were bothering me

Read the tags for context r whatever :)

#i was only gonna post the last drawing again cuz the first time i posted it the photo was kinda blurry. but the sun was already down so #i had to wait till today to take another pic with semi-okay lighting. but its fuckin cloudy today but. whatever. #and i figured i could throw in some older drawings i made of scary just for fun. #there not even that old but the way i draw scary now is a bit different from when i first drew her #the drawings are in order from oldest to newest. #and also the fabric in the background is my pillow bc i draw in my bed. yes my posture is terrible. and yes my back is fucked up #scary marlowe #scary dndads #dndads #dndads s2 #dungeons and daddies #dungeons and daddies s2 #dndads spoilers

[autistic-sidestep]

STEELSTEP HANDS COMPILATION

🤌🤌🤌

#long post #steelstep #fh codediving #HES! SO! GENTLE WITH STEP! AUGH! #ramblings #tried putting it in semi chronological order but. then i gave up #surawei

[tuituipupu]

i just donated to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund (PCRF) live on dan and phil's stream! there is a button next to their stream and they're live rn!! they've already raised $10K and it hasn't even been 5 mins!!

#this stream should be fun pls donate and join! #esc has wound me up today (i avoided the semi running order stream and there's shit going down) #channel anger into donations #dan and phil #dan and phil games #palestine #free palestine #Youtube

[inkblackorchid]

Ok, first off? The drama in these episodes is exquisite. The occult nonsense. Jack being his usual bullheaded self. The pizzazz and theatrics of the duel. The familiar of an ancient destructive spirit playing a freaking card game. Delicious.

I just wish any of this made sense, like. Worldbuilding-wise. Or even characterisation-wise.

Like, we can agree that the super-old, ten times as powerful extra Earthbound Immortal had about as much setup as Black-Winged Dragon did (which is none), right?

(Also, what the hell is that thing. Was it too much to ask to at least stick with the visual theme of the other Earthbound Immortals??)

And don't get me started on the whole "Jack's solution to needing a strategy that doesn't rely on power is to get one that relies on even more power". Like. Bestie. I love you, but that's not how anything works. And while the concept of burning soul and everything is pretty cool and does go with Jack's character (he's the guy who doesn't know when to quit so having the power of the man who also did not give up despite overwhelming odds is neat), it just doesn't feel like something that goes organically with the rest of the signer lore.

(That said, I adore the narrative parallel of Yusei gaining a new power from the future while Jack gains one from the ancient past, and Yusei's being themed around a clear mind while Jack's is themed around an unwavering, burning soul that does not give up. Narrative symmetry, babeyyyyyy)

So yeah. Bit conflicted on this mini-arc. I love the drama and pizzazz, and think it fits Jack pretty well (and I do appreciate the brief return to magical bs VS sci-fi bs, tbh), there are just a lot of things here that confuse me. On a rewatch perhaps even more than the first time around. Not really feeling strongly enough about it to rant, though, so I guess in the end my reaction this time around goes something like this: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#yugioh 5ds #jack atlas #red nova dragon #orchid watches 5ds (again) #episode 113 #screencaps #tbh I kinda pity the writers here for how much spitballing they must have done #in order to at least semi-successfully contrive a reason for why and how Jack should get a powered-up dragon #it does feel a little obvious watching the red nova episodes that they only exist because Jack has to play catch-up with Yusei #and because that currently doesn't fit organically into the New Domino setting they just set it near the Nazca lines I guess

[writeouswriter]

Me: *Has written plenty of great opening scenes that I'm actually quite fond of*

Also me when trying to write a new opening scene for a new project: I have never written an opening scene in my life, what's an opening scene any more, has there ever truly been an opening scene to anything, there is no beginning, so there is no end, there is no one out there watching over this monstrosity, I am in the void, my mind is adrift, how do I open this scene without a key, where did I leave my keys??

#writeblr #writing #writer things #relatable #text post #i am struggling to write the opening to this one possible project i'm still lying to myself over the idea of working on it for nano #i don't really know where i want this guy to be when we're introduced to him #at first i was thinking mid heist gone wrong or something but it doesn't quite click and would require extraneous characters #then i was thinking retired from doing heists just going about his day when dragged back in but iffy on that as well #cuz how much of the character and vibe does it really show i want a good and not necessarily memorable but semi impactful 1st impression #i don't really know and i'm a very has to write in chronological order writer when doing these things #i mean in theory i can write random out of context scenes but in practice they're never getting put back into context if i do that #they're doomed to float forever until i find out how to chronologically do the rest so anyway #yeah need an opening if I want to make some writing dent at all but also feel like the pressure of perfectionism #which is hard to tamp down no matter how hard one tries so perfect opening when come on daydreams step up

[qqueenofhades]

S.A. Chakraborty, Samantha Shannon, AND M.A. Carrick are all releasing new books this year?! #HashtagBlessed.

#hilary for ts #i have already ordered the samantha shannon one (priory of the orange tree prequel) #i have the chakraborty one on hold and will probably also end up buying it #i am waiting semi patiently (not at all patiently) for rook and rose book 3 which is not until august #in the meantime i am halfway through book 3 of the green bone series and just had That scene #i want shae and mada to kiss Real Bad now #middle aged lesbian enemies to lovers power couple repairing the wrongs of their grandfathers? #please fonda lee give it to me i want it bad #bookblr

[tmntkiseki]

I really wanna work on some turtle art/story brainstorming stuff but as mentioned on my main blog, I've been sick all afternoon with intense nausea that I'm almost 100% positive can be blamed on acid reflux.

I WANNA DRAW TURTLES, DAMN IT.

#star's turtle talk #The worst part is that lying down genuinely makes it worse #I do have be in a semi-sitting position in order to rest comfortably #I'm also terrified that I'll throw up if I eat or drink anything besides water so I'm hungry af right now

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

trying to lay out my interpretation of why brad and judy are simultaneously awful and really goddamn sad, beyond just having lost their baby under traumatic circumstances as already-traumatized autistic young adults with zero support system left but each other, is wild because it includes in full seriousness the word 'sheepnado'

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #brad chiles #judy reeves #tl;dr they are Like That in large part because pericles fucked them up in a very particular way #that made them dependent on him to give them cues for what to do and validation for the results #and when they suddenly had that ripped away they dealt with it by just making a closed loop where they follow each other in circles #in order to make one semi-functioning adult with a semi-functioning ability to actually choose to set out and do things #nothing else really *matters* to them outside of that fragile closed loop (and christ it is fragile); they set up a steady source of income #and then just fuck off to go effectively be alone together for 20 years; amassing and perfecting a bunch of random skills #because they are both very intelligent in some ways and Need to Stay Occupied; but what else are we gonna do #just aimlessly follow each other in circles and there's no room to actually choose a direction from there #and if anything breaks the closed loop; or doesn't fit into a hesitantly expanded version of it they had in mind #they freak out and they lash out at it even when they're pretending to be cheerful and unaffected #and the only real reason they *did* have to act on caring about something outside that feedback loop before--fred #ended up *being 'sit on your hands and do nothing for 20 years'*; when they are border collies climbing the walls without things to pursue #then suddenly that's gone and they can go care about fred again! except Oops now there is a force influencing them whose entire thing is #'induce artificial craving for Thing.' they try to love fred but they also resent him for being why they spent 20 years with nothing to Do #especially when things are Different now and he's his own person who doesn't really mesh into a closed loop with them; instead of the baby #they could have imagined whatever they wanted about all that time. they are desperately exhausted with caring about fred #and deeply traumatized by having done it; & at this point when a ball is waved in front of them to go fetch that they aren't burned out on #they go 'fuck it sorry kid you come second this time.' and then he *very purposely* cuts ties w/them & therefore any possibility of a loop #and they stop caring completely and lash out instead; especially because the person who fucked them up like this in the first place #has waltzed back into their life and snapped his fingers for them to heel. now they're great tools for his agenda including abusing ricky #'he's a genius right brad' 'my loyal brad and judy' siding w/pericles despite ricky having been a more reliable choice who explicitly treat #them as equals and doesn't constantly insult them and talk to them like pets. and then when something as small as Looking Different breaks #that one last most supposedly dependable loop they had they break down and start lashing out at each other. they 'behave like children.' #there's so much here man. they suck so goddamn bad and they fuck me up. thinking about the oldgang for the rest of my life

[bokutosmochi]

WHEN YOU LAY YOUR HEAD ON THEIR SHOULDER

what’s it: fluff sugar level: 0.5k allergen warning/s: n/a featuring: suna! iwaizumi! ushijima! semi! bokuto! regulars: @hanayanetwork​

bon appetit!

BOKUTO KOTARO:

the moment you lay your head on top of his shoulder for the very first time, he completely freezes up in both surprise - but a good surprise!! -, happiness - he's overjoyed that you feel so comfortable with him-, and simply because he didn't want to disrupt you. sure, he couldn't actually see your face in that position, but he knew that you looked as angelic as ever in that moment and why would he want to ruin that?? he's your boyfriend and if his shoulder for a pillow you want, then it's his shoulder for a pillow you get.

lowkey debating whether to whip out his phone and snap a picture of you 🥺🥺

SUNA RINTARO:

the moment you lay your head on his shoulder, he lays his head on top of yours nonchalantly. continuing to scroll on his phone or debating whether or not to post the hilarious photo he captured of atsumu during their high school reunion. the loves the fact that you were closer to each other - he's affectionate, but don't you dare let his teammates know - and it would be easier for him to show you memes he found funny. every now and then, whenever he does this, he'll turn his head so he'll be able to kiss your cheek which is the cutest thing ever.

SEMI EITA:

the moment you lay your head on his shoulder, he asks you if you're sleepy so you can sleep on his lap instead. he knew it was much more comfortable for you to be able to lean forward and hug him as you slept so he offered it to you. and he also knew how you loved to play with his hair as you drifted off to dreamland and having you face him while you slept would make that much, much easier. besides, it's not like he'd mind having you sit on his lap and being able to hold you in his big arms.

also eita singing to you while you try to go to sleep AAAAAAAAH

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:

the moment you lay your head on his shoulder, he doesn't seem to have much of a reaction. his usually stoic face remains, well, stoic. he doesn't even blink. but you, and only you (actually, maybe tendo too tbh), the person who is closest to him - in both a physical manner and in a mental/emotional manner - would be able to see his tells which were proof that internally, he was, in fact, freaking out. the way the sparkle in his intense olive eyes return and the oh so soft speckle of pink dusting his cheeks and if you were to hold his hands, it'd be cold and clammy.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME:

the moment you lay your head on his shoulder, he wraps his arm around your shoulder so you can snuggle into him further. he adores it when you he can feel your nose nuzzling into his neck and breathing in his perfume -- it smells not only musky, but also of iwaizumi and home, because home is where the heart is, and wherever hajime went, to tokyo for a major league basketball team, or to osaka for the msby black jackals, wherever iwaizumi had and will always carry your heart with him.

i get: reblog

you get: a balloon

do we have a deal?

#order of the day! #order up for bokuto! #order up for suna! #order up for semi! #order up for ushijima! #order up for iwaizumi! #one kona coffee mochi #with a side of coconut italian ice #bokuto #bokuto x reader #suna #suna x reader #semi eita #semi eita x reader #ushijima #ushijima x reader #iwaizumi #iwaizumi x reader #tahonet #hanayanetwork #tokyometronetwork

[yusrasyang]

it's past 5 AM rn for me and I can't sleep, help

#I have manically organized my whole room as well #socks? done #clothes? done #desk? done #OTHER PEOPLE'S clothes? done #the bed? done #my papers and work? done #the floor? done #books? done #drawers? done #recently got a clock in my room and now I hear ticking ALL DAY #might as well stay up till Fajr #seperated items based on dark and light dirty and clean #based on order of importance to when I need to deal with them? done #why do i do this to myself #i feel rllyyyy jittery too that doesnt help #guys... it's getting harder to deny the adhd allegations #adhd #neurodivergent #this is a semi-regular occurrance for me ngl #atleast I'm not doing the whole house this time

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! :3

#eee hi everyone #it's sunday so of course i'm excited #breakfast time again in like an hour :3 #beyond that i'm down to like two companion quests in hsr so I'm happy on that front #like it's march 7th's and argenti's left (i semi-tried to go in order but saved hers for last on the luofu bc I'm fond of her :3) #then more of this otome game #i swear i'm gonna f/o at least one of them (maybe both of the ones i like?? idk we'll see) #definitely gonna come up with s/is (or at least one) separate from the mc #bc i like her but i can't put myself in her shoes like i could with the mc of another game i played #which makes since given in that game we were both infps so i related to her more i guess #anyways #finally am getting more cards of the boy that i like so I'm happy on that front #still i hope you have a good day/night!! <3 #morning rambles #haha putting the rambles part of that tag to good use this morning

[lunarharp]

#the responses are qifrey & oru themed responses like in their voices. #a staple bound amateur zine!!! not a perfect bound type semi professional 'zine' lol #i was thinking 20 pages but like #i have SO much material? i could do this every few months and have them fit the seasons. give them a spring-themed cover this time #do a serious illustration one and then another one collecting the comic type things. i can do whatever i want........... #sorry to the person who asked me to sell prints...😭 im trying but..i just dont understand this stuff yet.... #ive tried to figure it out on inprnt but it wants me to blow up my images to like 1400x1400 or something... who draws that big????????? #are yall zooming the heck in on all your art??? ive ordered a copy of my own art while inprnt was on sale to see what it looks like... #i do small b&w drawings atm.......i dont know how to make work that suits proper prints 😭

[boxwinebaddie]

Uncle Nina Mental Health Check! How are you?

hi, angel. thank you for checking in; i really needed this today. <3

and before i dive in, i just wanted to say that the outpouring of love and support in my inbox for my fanfictions and my well being in general, now and always, is the closest thing i have felt to magic. :')

your sung praises and whispered well wishes comfort me ten million times more than cherry nyquil. you are more than medicine to me. every single one of you is proof to me that angels exist. i mean that.

every single time i get an ask message, regardless of what it is, it makes my bad days a hundred times better and pours sunlight into every shadowed part of my existence. thankyouthankyouthankyou.

i know it may not seem that way because i have so many asks in the box atm, but please, please know it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me being extremely overwhelmed. </3

i'll go into that a little later, but again! thank you for wondering about me and here is how things on planet nina have been lately! xx

( also this got very, very, VERY long and i just used this basically as a stream of consciousness diary entry where i troubleshooted how i was feeling about writing atm. its very repetitive, runs in a circle and is all babble really, but if you enjoy my madman ramblings. here. <3 )

about a week ago, i travelled back home for the holidays to visit my family and it's been...very healing and restorative for me. i haven't been home in a very long time and i'm happy for the small change.

( also, small side-bar that might be overshare. if i seem extra nervous lately...i am having a sort of frightening go of being stalked by a man that i ghosted on a dating app for being scary/very weird with me. :( i've blocked four separate numbers of him aggressively messaging me, demanding to speak with me...i am...um...worried i may have to go to the police soon...it is a very stressful situation for me. :////

so, ahaha! if you don't hear from me! dox me and find me, pls! /hj

on top of that, i'm still navigating a breakup with my ex who is my best friend who sometimes accidentally still acts like my boyfriend. also dealing with my physical health, trying to figure out what i want to do in this big wild world and in the future, which is scary. but!

irl is messy sometimes and that's okay. everything will work out. <3 )

but back to the tides of change! and how that affects me!

for me, nuance and change is important and crucial to my wellbeing. unfortunately, i am a hermit crab girl and if you don't pull me out of the crevice, snipping and snapping, i will hide forever and collect algae and dust on the ocean floor, stuck in my hurt/comfort zone.

for me...writing in general...is my hurt/comfort zone.

it brings me immense and infinite joy that so many of you enjoy the things i write, the universes i've created, the characters i adapted, my creative visions, my run-on sentences, and of course...me. <3

( i will say, a lot of fanfic authors are more ~anonymous~ i just wanted to be more down to earth with all of you, but as we saw from me melting down over pep...i was not really made for lots of eyes on me so the mortifying ordeal of being known is a little scary. its dumb, but i really do hope you all find me friendly and pleasant. )

in that vein, as a stanley marsh girl, i am also a people pleaser, scared to let people down and as a kyle broflovski girl, i am terrified of failing and not doing my best at the thing i do all the time. which...is bad.

for my brain and my mental health, mostly.

i'm finding that i am getting extremely overwhelmed with writing again which...i cannot tell you how frustrating that is. but i often bite off more than i can chew because i love you all so much and i want to deliver you this thing that you deserve more than anyone :(

and because of my excitement and your excitement about my fics, it makes me want to put my work out, but it puts me in a position where i start to rush and panic and spiral out of control. this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my bad brain.

i find my being overwhelmed often comes hand in horrible hand with giving myself a deadline, making a crazy promise, setting a goal i might not reach, writing as work and not as pleasure.

i'm finding this is happening with nanowrimo which i wanted so badly to be fun, but actually is stressing me out so badly because i'm racing against the clock, terrified i won't finish even though i promised. my mental/physical health is suffering again as well as the quality of my work which...as you guys know well...i do not like to put out lowqual.

i feel like i'm going too fast and kind of stuck in a perpetual panic. which as far as nanowrimo goes, i did write my post on the 5th and really didn't start writing until a couple days ago, so really i should be allowed to write until dec 10th but...also...

...why does it matter?

sorry, this is kind of becoming my deranged existensial jersey journal, but like why the fuck am i punishing myself for actually no reason???

really...who gives a flying fuck about nanowrimo?

tbh, i think its less about the challenge and more about the fact that i make promises to you guys that i can't keep, which makes me upset because that's so...whackadoodle to not follow through. ugh! </3

but i think i'm going to bin the deadline...for now. and write...slowly. and maybe not write today or really, until i feel calm and happy again.

because right now, i am writing dialogue on the fly that is just...so not planned or confident. i'm feeling insecure about things not making sense and there being plot holes and too much mess, idk. very ew.

so i think i'm going to take a little breakski again...

sigh. :///

it sucks a lot but also...i have to remind myself that not everyone is writing two seperate fanfics with several chapters/story to go, with every chapter featuring very extensive detail and like multiple different scenes, totallying up to anywhere between 10-20k which, i'm finding is a lot more than most people are writing in their updates.

i've gotten anons about it and i hear you...like you are correct, i really do not give myself enough slack, credit or kindness and i'm trying to break that cycle...your messages do a lot of that carrying, thank you.

one of the main things i'm going to try to do besides being slow and taking a super long time if i need it with no punishment is...i think i am exiting my nina formatting era?

...weird, right? for one it was very taxing, very stressful but also...while creative, i literally just think it's overstimulating and not that helpful? i still like the spacing, italics, occasional underline/strike but i really think the rest of my fanfics are going to be close to bare.

i want my writing to speak more. i think doing all that dramatic, dizzying stuff with the text was a crutch/phase i'm growing out of.

i know a lot of you liked it and i am sorry i am axeing her...but at the end of the day...it was something that was way too laborious for me.

but! i will be okay! i am okay, friends! thats one promise i will make!!!

i know this was long, but i like to be immersive and honest with you.

please know i am working on pep12 and rm6p1. but for quality purposes and because i want to put out something you deserve to read and i was happy writing...it will take however long it takes.

my fear is that i'll finally post and you'll all be bored. but your many asks say otherwise! you are all so cute! i love you! i know i seem mean or scary in my asks, but i promise it's all for teehee hahas and i am nice and not scary at all. i cry everytime i hear a loud noise. lmao. :)

with that said! do nice things for yourself. unwind. do not hold yourself to any standard. do only what nourishes you. listen to your heart body and soul. and know i support you 100% of the way.

i hate thanksgiving ( lame ass trick ass fuck ass colonizer holiday even tho all the food is dank, i am a candied yam queen ) but i hope you enjoy the togetherness part that underlies it. i hope you see your family. but remember that family is not just the people you are born with, but are the people that you choose.

also know that if you feel alone during this fall/wintry stan season, that you have me, always. all my dms and my heart are open to you.

on that note, i am thankful for all of you this year. thank you for taking care of me and in turn, reminding and teaching me to take care of myself. i'm going to try not to repeat history and take a breath.

thank you for reading and as always, from what harms or pains you, past, present or future, from the bottom of my cold, black heart...

i love you and i hope you heal,

-uncle nina

#i apologize if this was long #i used this kind of as a vent space #feel free to ignore this but it is a bit of a status update #unfortunately i do this to myself a lot #where i kind of come off a high of posting something cool and then act all big and tough and cant back it up #so i rush and freak out and sprial and write things im not proud of i dont like that at allllll aaaaa #so im gonna take a small step back and regroup #i really hate when my updates arent outlined correctly and the dialogue is weak...i also hate when i feel unsure abt the plot #so i want to smooth that all out and be careful and precise so i feel confident and this doesnt happen to me again #especially with rm because the plot is complicated and semi unfinished and that gives me anxiety #i dont like when things feel out of order or Wrong kylepile L moment! gonna take care of myself and then the plot/chapters until i like the #i really do in my heart of hearts think that either rm or pep will be updated within novemeber they are both abt halfway done #but no promises ofc im trying to be firm on that thank you for waiting but im cutting myself loose of invisible consequence #thank you for your love light and support i adore you send as many asks as u want and if i go dark know its bc im taking care of me #and please take care of yourselves the way i would #ilyilyilysm #also sorry i killed the format but oh my god it feels so much cleaner to me its so much more readable #ok done now toodaloo!