#petty jaskier

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier: you can smell that?

Lambert: i'm a witcher I can smell everything

Jaskier: Cool!

Lambert: *sniffs jaskier* You smell like a bitch

Jaskier: *offended gasps and stabs Lambert in the thigh*

Lambert: I stand corrected

Jaskier: technically you're lying. in a puddle of blood, so who's the bitch now?

Lambert: geralt i love your bard

#my nonsense #jaskier #lambert #jaskier and lambert the chaotic duo #feral jaskier #feral bard #petty jaskier #mutagen #mutagens #mutations #witcher lore #witcher facts

[hannibard]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#I'm so happy about this #jaskier is going to be so petty #i can't wait #the witcher #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #the witcher season 3 #twn #the witcher netflix #dandelion #valdo marx #article #text #also we'll get radovid x jaskier #bisexual jaskier confirmed??? #prince radovid #photos #joey batey #nathan armakwei laryea #somehow valdo looks exactly how i had imagined him in my head

[spielzeugkaiser]

there are currently two wolves inside me, one that wants geralt to meet omega!jaskier's and his child while the kid is still young so they'll have both their parents (plus 1 mom if yennefer doesn't resent jaskier) as they grow and another who wants to stick to the show's canon of geralt and jaskier not seeing eachother for 22 years and then one day geralt finds this person with a scary ressemblance to him who says they need help rescuing their dad, a bard who doesn't know when to shut up (besides would be kinda funny to see geralt's reaction to jaskier being basically a dilf lol)

[First Part]

Oh my God in my mind it was the baby version but this also has me at the throat.

There would be a few things at play here like

1. I imagined the baby did not inherit mutant traits (besides some gold specs in his eyes, like, Jaskier had confirmation and once you know it's obvious) and you could hold Geralt at gunpoint he does NOT know how he looked as child anymore. It's absolutely not obvious to him, especially since it's impossible in his head. Only Vesemir would probably go 'oh' at the resemblance because the kid looks exactly like the little one he picked up on the side of a road, over a century ago.

2. Jaskier didn't say something for the last 13/14/15 years of his life, the kid will not go and tell Geralt when his Papa went out of his way to keep this knowledge secret.

In my mind this has the perfect road trip vibes. And timelines are messy - like Jaskier went down the mountain pregnant it's not 22 years later but who knows what happened inbetween - but Geralt definitely already had all the teenage angst experience with Ciri. He's already a dad!

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #the witcher #jaskier #geraskier lovechild #listen the poor kiddo is nervous af - and we all know how Jaskier starts to behave once he's nervous #SAME HAT #but also: kiddo knows things have been messy between them and that Geralt didn't treat Jaskier gentlemanly (so to say) but! #I firmly believe he has no idea #and Jaskier wanted him to be cautious but he never ever implied Geralt was anything but honorable at his core #Jaskier would have been sure he was 'shoveling shit again' but he would also have been sure that Geralt would treat his son amiable #even if he only does this out of duty #if he even kept Jaskier around for that long while secretly hating him- #(I think some serious miscommunication happened there because Jaskier maybe could have distanced himself more from Geralts anger if not #full hormonal himself - maybe he even thought Geralt knew #he did try to tell him the night before! when borch died and Geralt went to Yen instead #so he thinks Geralt rejected BOTH of them? ohhh. But the kindness point still stands. Jaskier is petty but not when it costs his son) #ALSO also last side fact: YEN KNOWS. She definitely knows because she Jaskier with a newborn in Oxenfurt #in this scenario she just promised to keep her mouth shut #became auntie yen instead #omegaverse

[finleycannotdraw]

a break from the path

(alternatively: you belong among the wildflowers)

#two versions because I like both of them #finley cannot draw #the witcher #the witcher netflix #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier the witcher #jaskier pankratz #geralt x jaskier #WHAT SONG SHOULD HE BE SINGING HERE GUYS #I’m thinking wildflowers by tom petty (hence the caption) but it could be anything #my boyfriend is definitely going to find this somehow #the witcher fanart #i hope roach is enjoying herself in the background

[pettybitchbracket]

Petty Bitch Bracket

#petty bitch bracket #semifinals #kyoya ootori #ootori kyoya #ouran high school host club #ohshc #ouran #jaskier #the witcher

[pixlatedvampire]

They are best frenemies with benefits I am obsessed 💕💕

#digital art #procreate #the witcher #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #dandelion #yennskier #my art #doodle #they’re so fun I love them #the most dramatic people who love to be petty ❤️ #side note this is my favorite dandelion/jaskier I’ve ever drawn and I aspire to recapture this energy ever time I draw him #I was still figuring out yenn here tho sorry queen I draw you better now lmao #anyway #they are enemies ❤️ they are best friends ❤️ they are lovers ❤️ they would kill the other for a cornchip❤️ #do they like each other ? yesno 💕💕 #hope this helps 💕💕💗❤️

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Feeling very angry tonight and that anger is naturally manifesting through fictional characters so now just laying here thinking about how Jaskier’s first gift to Geralt was fixing his reputation solely by taking away his dreaded nickname of “Butcher of Blaviken” and replacing it with “White Wolf” yet he was left so fucking heartbroken and fairly pissed off at Geralt for leaving him that his petty ass took away his biggest gift to Geralt and got everyone to know him as the “Butcher” again through Burn Butcher Burn out of spiteful retaliation

#like holy fuck I thought asking for a friendship necklace back off of my ex bestie when I was a kid was petty #Jaskier did in fact single handedly create cancel culture send tweet #I’ve been doing a lot of research on the history of real bards today #and just #the influence music alone has over nations #it could paint kings as either tyrants or heroes #Jaskier could’ve started a witch hunt against geralt in retaliation if he really wanted to through music and lyrics alone #he had the platform to say anything he wanted #Jesus if he had an ounce of villainy in him taking away the gift of removing Butcher from Geralt’s resume would’ve just been a warning shot #like he could’ve said anything in his songs and people would’ve been swayed to his side #that’s power right there man #the shit music can do to people #astounding #don’t think Geralt is appreciating that Jaskier didn’t go through a villain era lmao #never piss off a poet #just look at Taylor Swift hot damn #the bard truely do giveth and taketh away lmao #Joey Batey #geraskier #the Witcher #Jaskier #Witcher #geralt

[mjni]

Adore the fact that Jaskier, known petty fuckboy, really became one of the few people kind/oppotunistic enough to risk their lives sneaking elves into Cintra, only to absolutely SLANDER Geralt's name nightly in the meet-up bar. That's the sort of petty, disrespectful, "if I can't have you I'm gonna make my breakup song go viral" Taylor Swift energy that I'm here for

#the witcher #jaskier #jaskier is a petty bastard #geralt of rivia #jaskier and geralt #this was definately jaskiers break up plan #you wanna break up with me FINE I'LL JUST WRITE AN ANGSTY BREAKUP SONG SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT

[marigoldsbone]

You know what baffles me the most about The Witcher? Jaskier and his god damned hair. Hear me out.

In the illustrations for the books, he has long black hair.

But then it's said his hair is blonde.

Then both Witcher series came with him having short brown hair.

Can't forget the games where his hair is yet again brown and quite long.

#it's such a petty thing #but it bothers me to no end #the witcher #dandelion #jaskier #geralt of rivia

[storm-and-starlight]

🌹

For u, a very old witcher WIP that I nevertheless hope to finish someday (or rework for another fandom)

Yennefer loves Geralt, and Geralt loves Yennefer, and no one spares a thought for the bard. Pathetic, yes, but it’s not like he’s ever been anything else.

Send me a 🌹 and I’ll reply with a line form one of my WIPs!

#storm's writing #jaskier's drunk and feeling petty in this

[0dde11eth]

Jaskier: oh my little pal is having a rough day. Need me to sing again?

Geralt: little? I'm towering over you

Jaskier: ...

Jaskier: ...

Jaskier: -_-

Jaskier: 🎶 when a humble bard🎵

#my nonsense #jaskier #geralt #geraskier #petty jaskier

[bluedillylee]

this comic takes place after Geralt tells Jaskier to take Ciri to Kaer Morhen in season 2. The rest of the comic below the cut

.

I’m so excited that in s3 we’ll get some Ciri and Jaskier interactions and see their relationship grow. I got so pumped about season 3 that it fueled me so I could finally finish this comic. I’d love to see Ciri getting to be petty and silly with Jaskier

With this comic I tried to explore how Ciri might’ve been skeptical of Jaskier at first and how their first conversation could’ve gone.

#the witcher #witcher netflix #cirilla fiona elen riannon #jaskier #ciri #short comic #journey to kaer morhen

[artistsfuneral]

It goes like this:

Early in life Jaskier has learned to always keep a couple of party tricks up his sleeve and to only reveal them when absolutely necessary.

Geralt leaves him behind on top of a mountain, surrounded by dwarves. Jaskier, if he wants to, can be an extremely petty person. He wants to.

He waits for the right opportunity.

Eventually he comes across another witcher. Older than any he has met before, with shoulder-long graying hair and a presence around him that speaks of authority and leadership.

Jaskier instinctively knows it must be Vesemir. So when the witcher leaves his horse outside a tavern Jaskier does the only thing that's reasonable in a situation like this.

When the witcher returns a fuzzy, brown tabby cat lies ontop his horses saddle. Like all cats do, it hisses at his approach but unlike most cats it doesn't run when he continues towards it. It swats at him instead, tiny claws leaving scratches in his leather gloves.

Very few people know this, but he's always had a soft spot for cats. Kind of ironic given his school's crest and the fact that all cats hate witchers, but there's just something about the little furballs that warms his heart.

So he leads his horse out of town by the reigns, thinking the cat will surely jump off once they're too far from its home.

It doesn't. The cat is apparently very comfortable ontop of his saddle. It's been days. The tabby cat still hisses at him when he's too close. But somehow it always manages to tag along. Riding on his horse's saddle, it's bags, one time it even falls asleep between his horse's ears.

Jaskier thinks himself very clever. Sneaking a ride with Vesemir until the witcher eventually meets up with Geralt so Jaskier can reveal himself and yell at him for being such a big dick.

Jaskier realizes he's fucked up.

Jaskier realizes he's fucked up when they reach a caravan of witchers and his travel companion is greeted with a happy "Guxart!"

#the witcher #artistsfuneral about the witcher #witcher #jaskier #geraskier #vesemir #wolf witcher #cat witcher

[valdomarx]

"Does the witcher know how lucky he is to have you?"

Jaskier flashes an enigmatic grin, as if such concerns are immaterial to a famous, Continent-trotting bard.

But Radovid looks back at him earnestly, like it's a question that's supposed to have an answer.

-

"Never have I ever seen you have a crush." Vespula laughs, bright and teasing. "Except for the obvious one."

Jaskier pretends he has no idea who she's talking about.

"My dearest lady, my heart is a wild beast, roaming free, and it could not possibly be constrained by such a petty tie as a crush."

She purses her lips and says again, "Except for the obvious one."

-

"Pankratz."

"Witch."

Yennefer doesn't smile, but her eyes soften a fraction into an expression that could almost -- almost -- be called fond.

"Still traipsing around after Geralt, I see."

"Excuse me, I do not traipse! I frolic."

She snorts with amusement at that. Then a crinkle forms between her brows, like she's looking straight through him. "He is trying, you know. Trying to be better. More reciprocal."

Jaskier deflates. "I know he is."

-

"So he hunted monsters for twenty years." Ciri raises an eyebrow at him. "And you followed him around singing songs about it."

"Yeeeees." Jaskier waits for the other shoe to drop.

But Ciri just nods, far too perceptive for her young age. "I see."

-

"I do appreciate it, Jask." Geralt's hand on his shoulder is warm and so, so heavy. "I know this life can't be easy for you."

Geralt's eyes are sincere and his lips curl in the smallest suggestion of a smile, and Jaskier is gone, gone, gone.

Jaskier shrugs it off with a laugh. "Oh, I'm tougher than I look. A few ravenous monsters and sleepless nights aren't enough to put me off."

Geralt tilts his head.

Jaskier's mouth can't stop moving. "You should know by now, you're stuck with me."

"Hmm." The suggestion of a smile blooms into something undeniable. "Guess I am."

#every single person in jaskier's life: wow you've got it real bad huh #geraskier #the witcher #my writing #the witcher spoilers

[pettybitchbracket]

Welcome to the Petty Bitch Bracket

From the maker of the @tournamentofdads (AKA me, @sophieandace) comes a brand new battle of a whole new brand! We all love shady characters who take everything PERSONALLY. But it's high time we decide the pettiest of the petty.

32 petty bitch friends walk enter the arena to start our competition. The bracket is strong and spiteful, so how about we meet them?

The first round bracket is as follows:

ROUND 1:

Side A:

Pearl (Steven Universe) VS. Sephiroth (Final Fantasy Series) 

Gimli (Lord of the Rings) VS. Double D (Ed Edd n Eddy) 

Jaskier (The Witcher) VS. Cruella (Cruella) 

Drake Mallard/Darkwing Duck (Darkwing Duck) VS. The Cat (Infinity Train)  

Emily Charlton (The Devil Wears Prada) VS. The Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)  

Kyoya (Ouran High School Host Club) VS. Gary Oak (Pokémon)

Byakuka Togami (Danganronpa) VS. Pacifica Northwest (Gravity Falls)

The Devil (The Cuphead Show) VS. Rouge the Bat (Sonic the Hedgehog Series)

Side B:

Regina George (Mean Girls) VS. Lilith Clawthorne (The Owl House) 

Yuuri Katsuki (Yuri!!! On Ice) VS. Chloe Bourgeois (Miraculous Ladybug) 

Mother Gothel (Tangled) VS. Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes) 

Edred (Unicorn Warriors Eternal) VS. Percy de Rolo (Critical Role/The Legend of Vox Machina) 

Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist/Brotherhood) VS. Donatello (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) 

Bulma Briefs (Dragon Ball/Z/Super VS. Taako (The Adventure Zone)  

Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty) VS. Hunk (Voltron: Legendary Defender) 

Banjo & Kazooie (Banjo-Kazooie Series) VS. Scratch McGee (The Ghost and Molly McGee) 

Polls go live soon! Let the Petty Bitch Battle begin!

#petty bitch bracket #tumblr polls #pearl #sephiroth #gimli son of gloin #double d #jaskier #cruella #drake mallard #darkwing duck #the cat #emily charlton #the evil queen #kyoya ootori #gary oak #byakuya togami #pacifica northwest #cuphead devil #rouge the bat #regina george #lilith clawthorne #yuuri katsuki #chloe bourgeois #mother gothel #daffy duck #edred uwe #percy de rolo #roy mustang #donatello #bulma briefs

[spielzeugkaiser]

[First Part] - [second]

Baby (who still has no name) is warming up to Geralt, who also starts to connect some dots. (Like, I think he suspects that he's Jaskiers son, adopted or otherwise, but he won't even humor the idea that he could be the dad.) That being said - the kid is an angry teenager sometimes. Jaskier tried all he could as a single parent and they have a very loving relationship, but I also think they do argue quite a bit, and there is some tension.

And the more he gets to learn how Geralt truly is the weirder is gets, cause. He's a good guy? And either Jaskier is petty and was too dramatic and kept him from meeting his dad for nothing, or Geralt isn't a good guy AT ALL and has hurt Jaskier really bad, and he doesn't think Geralt has it in him, but some people (and especially alphas) get really weird and archaic around omegas? And he had to witness again and again, with how little respect his unbonded, single father of a bastard child was treated - is Geralt like that too? But Jaskier still only ever talked somewhat kindly about him. And from all he saw... he trusts Geralt. He's a quiet, but witty and honorable man. But is it fair to doubt the parent that was there for him, that raised him, that sacrificed so much for him? The poor kid is so conflicted.

#please tell me your headcanons and prompts about this 'verse it's just vibes so far and like 10% plot #geraskier #geralt of rivia #the witcher #ciri #omegaverse #geraskier lovechild #jaskier #i don't know where this came from #but I imagined the kid as quite sickly (which is ironic) - Geralt does not really remember that he was sick as a child all the time too #also I do think Jaskier can play the lute but it's no fun for his fingers and he switched to other stuff over the years #I'm quite sure that Jaskier kept a low profile after the Rience incident because he was TERRIFIED by the thought what could have happened #also I really wanted to look at this with a kind of more realistic lense when it comes to parentage #and Jaskier did all the things right where it counts #He's loving he's emotional open he communicates - but would Jaskier always be a reliable parent? a structured one? an easily available one? #I don't think so #professor Jaskier can work for hours on end and forget to get you on time from your play date so you have to awkwardly wait and #he forgets to cook and to wash and it's always messy and once he writes he writes and gets annoyed when interrupted #but he also tells bedtime stories and stays at your bedside when you're ill and plays with you when you moved AGAIN and have no friends yet #he's easily pulled into arguments but also knows how to apologise #but he lies again and again #and he tells heroic and brave and honourable stories about your dad but still has a chest with your unsend letters and looks so so sad #when you put another one in his hands #and he never tells you to stop but doesn't send them and you know your Papa would be too kind to ask you to stop #ALSO #I think the kid is old enough to understand some of the inherent consent issues that are rampant in omegaverse #and while I imagined that 'verse here a bit tuned down #I think that the kid has seen and heard some shit! and what if Jaskier in only talking kindly of Geralt to soften the blow for him and- #kid is 100% ready to break Geralts nose if it turned out that he forced himself on his pa #(which he did not ofc but nobody communicates here)