#reason like. i am the problem i thought it was normal that my neck hurt at the end of the day wearing a halter braletteeeeee what is wrong w

[mecub]

It is past 1am and I am thinking about @somerandomdudelmao’s Marble Sky, and this lightly bonked my writers block on the head for long enough that I wrote a little thing.

The world is green. Green, bleeding from the lights and from his insides and from the space where—

—

Ward wakes up shaking, crumpled on the floor like an old paper someone couldn’t be bothered to throw away. 

The world. Is green. Green and pretty, green with plants and vines, but for a moment something inside of him screams like something’s clamped over his mouth and his blood is burning and—

But it’s not green like that. Here, the green isn’t the immediate threat. The threat is one of them, bigger than him and probably put there to make sure he doesn’t try to escape.

“Oh. You aren’t dead,” the alien says.

That’s… not reassuring. But also not the threat he’d been expecting?

“Are you by any chance one of the talking ones?”

Something is wrong. Everything is blurry, and when he goes to rub his eyes, he finds gauze and okay, that. That is going to be a problem for later. Once he’s safe. Once he can let panic overwhelm him without the lack of attention putting him at risk of—

“I am,” he says.

“Cool. So they found another civilization to destroy. Hungry?”

Them. Like this alien, this alien who looks so much like them, doesn’t trust them. 

It’s ridiculous, but at this point? Ward just wishes he could’ve just been thrown in a normal prison cell. Just one normal, reasonable thing that made sense would’ve been nice. And yet, he’s sitting in vegetable prison with someone who might be an ally but is also probably very much not anyone Ward can trust. How does someone even end up in vegetable prison?

“What’s with all these greens?” he asks, because he can’t just demand answers. “Are you in jail for being the only vegetarian here or something?”

Good ole sarcasm. A great way to be eaten by aliens! Hey, maybe they consider humans a vegetable.

“You’re radiating negative energy at me.”

No shit. “Wanna guess why?”

“Hey, I’m not with those— Wait!”

Uh oh.

“You said greens! You know what color is?”

Um?

“You must have eyes!” And then the alien moves towards him, without a second thought, like they know anything he does, running away or fighting or yelling for help, won’t do anything. Ward flinches away from their outstretched hand. 

(An outstretched hand, moving towards his neck, slicing him open like the specimen he was. An outstretched hand, with his blood on it, and he couldn’t move couldn’t fight it couldn’t—)

“Yes. So?” he snaps.

“Can I touch you?”

“Wh— No.” No.

“Please,” the alien says, “I won’t hurt you. I swear.”

Ward… could try saying no again. He could try to move away, try to talk about this, try to save himself from whatever’s going to happen. He wants to, he really wants to.

But. Sculptor didn’t listen, didn’t care, he just cut into him with a smile. And this one is larger than him, and they said they wouldn’t hurt him, they swore it, they asked for a favor, they look desperate, so maybe, maybe he’ll be safe. Maybe this will keep the alien from dropping whatever this act of an ally is.

The world is green, and Ward reaches out a hand and says, “Here. Happy?”

And the alien reaches out a hand and— 

And lightly touches his. Gently. 

—

The world is green. And in the middle of it is someone who looks a lot like him.

#marble sky #marble sky fanfic #is that a tag????? #i don’t know what i’m doing and writers block is trying to murder me so this is probably not very good but WHATEVER

[i-am-baechu]

♬ Summary: Jungkook is proud that Y/N is his girlfriend and he of course lets the world know how much he loves her. 

♬ Pairing: Established relationship; Jungkook x reader 

♬ Rating:  Explicit (18+) 

♬Genre: Established relationship, comedy, angst?, fluff, and smutish

♬ Warnings: Smut angst(ish) and fluff (lol) 

♬ Part of, ‘ His Fan Girl

♬ Authors note: Time jump like I know the story isn’t here yet but I couldn’t help myself lol 

After being with Y/N for a while, Jungkook already knew her reaction to the song. Y/N always got mad (flustered) at him for sharing things with his members about their love life but she also thought it was cute. When Jungkook told her that he was working on his solo album, he lied to her. The lie wasn’t big but he just said he was going to do a love song for her and she couldn’t help but fall for him more. The song had two versions to it, normal (for Y/N) and explicit (for Jungkook); problem solved. The only thing he wasn’t looking forward to was Y/N scolding him. 

Y/N sat in the studio watching Jungkook sing away in the booth and she couldn’t help but smile at him. She loved watching him sing because of how passionate he was about it. He opened his eyes and gave her his bunny smile letting her know he was truly happy. He put his headphones on the stand and walked outside. He gave her the hand motion to come here and she tilted her head at him. She placed her laptop on the couch and said her sorrys to the producers who just gave her a smile. She stood under Jungkook and gave him a confused look, “Is everything okay?” 

He nodded his head and leaned down, giving her a quick kiss, “I just wanted a kiss from you.” 

Her face felt hot and she glanced at the producers who weren’t even paying attention to them, “Yo-You can’t just kiss me in front of them...” 

“Why? You don’t want my love?” 

She slapped his chest gently and crossed her arms over her chest, “T-That’s not what I meant and you know that.” She looked over his body to look at the stand and a soft smile appeared, “You're doing a good job. Your English has improved, I’m proud of you.”

He kissed her forehead at this and nodded his head, “It was all because of you. You're a great teacher, you know.” 

“I-I tried my best...Are you almost done?” 

“Almost, can you wait another hour?” 

“Of course, I can. I just need to look over the reports from work.” 

He nodded his head and rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m sorry you have to wait for me.” 

“Eh? It’s okay, Kook. I’m glad I can spend time with you.” 

Another reason why he loved Y/N. She was always patient with him and just wanted to be with him regardless of what it was. He also knew she struggled in her life. She had clinical depression and there were days when it was so hard for her to function. It hurt him to see her like that because no matter what he did, she stayed the same. She always felt bad for doing this to him but he understood. 

“Baby, are you okay?”

Y/N looked up from there to give him a small smile, “I will be...”

He gave her a small frown and sat on the bed. He grabbed her hand, rubbing her knuckles gently, “Are you having another episode?” 

She sighed and nodded her head, “I am...I don’t know why though. I know you wanted to go on a date today but I don’t know...I don’t know if I can. I-I’m sorry.” 

“I wish I could take the weight off of your shoulders.” 

She gave him a small smile and leaned into his body, “I love you...”

“I love you more.” 

Her shy nature made intimate moments between the two even better. Jungkook still couldn’t believe that she was a virgin when they met and that she didn’t really have experience with a boyfriend. It made his heart flutter to know that he was her first and her last. It was an honor that he will carry for the rest of his life. There were moments when she had to push Jungkook out of bed to go to work or even to stop him from having another round. He just couldn’t get enough of her. How could he? She was everything he wanted and more, a blessing even. 

“Yo-Your fingertips are cold...”

“Let me warm them up then.” He slid his hand down her stomach to her entrance. He shoved two fingers in and she arched her back off of the bed. He looked down at her red face and couldn’t help his heart beat faster. She looked so cute even though they were doing something sinful. 

He brought his head down to her breast and started sucking at her nipple making her moans even louder. He backed away and grabbed the condom off of the bed but she noticed he was different tonight. He looked nervous and she kind of knew why. She gently brought his head into her chest and kissed the side of his head, “Kookie~, It will be okay. I know your solo will be good.” 

He pulled away and looked down at her and gave her a soft smile, “I love you.” 

“And I love you more.” 

He placed the condom on his cock and gave her another smile, “I don’t think you understand...I love you so much.” 

He intertwined their fingers together next to her head and thrust into her. She let out a moan and he leaned down letting her moan into his mouth, “Kook~!” 

Their tongues swirled each other and he opened his eyes to peek at her. Her face was so red that he could feel the heat off of it and with her eyes closed, it made her look so innocent. He kept thrusting into her as he placed kisses on her neck, “You give me strength...” 

Today was release day. Y/N and Jungkook were in New York for him to perform at Good Morning and she was so excited to see it. She was going to be in a special area making sure no one could see her. This was the second thing on her mind, the first thing on her mind was just seeing him perform. They sat in the hotel with her laptop on the bed as she looked at him with a smile, “Are you excited?” 

He gave her a nervous smile and laugh, “I’m not sure...” 

She leaned forward placing a kiss on the tip of his nose, “I’m excited. You didn’t let me come with you to the filming...I’m still upset about that, you know.”

He rolled his eyes and brought her in to sit on his lap with her laptop in hers. He kissed the side of her head and chuckled, “I wanted it to be a surprise.” 

“You know I don’t like surprises...”

“Too bad.” 

She glanced at the time and looked up to see him already looking down, “Are you ready?” 

“Yeah, I am.” 

She pressed play and she watched it as he played with her fingers. She laughed at some parts and rolled her eyes. When the video was over, she turned her body so she could straddle his waist with a goofy smile, “This just shows how clingy you are...”

“Clingy for you only baby.” 

The autoplay on youtube went to the next song and she glanced to see what was playing. She turned her whole body and she squinted at the screen, “JUNGKOOK! WHY DOES THIS SAY EXPLICIT!” 

He felt sweat forming on his forehead as he let out a small laugh, “I-It’s nothing.” 

I'll be fuckin' you right, seven days a week. She glared at the screen with her mouth open and her face blazing. She shut her laptop and let out a groan as she brought her hands to cover her face, “Why did you make that!?”

He pouted at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, “Because I love you, plus the world knows I have a girlfriend. They know I’m talking about you.” 

“Th-They don’t know it's me! OH MY GOD, THE GUYS ARE GONNA LISTEN TO THIS AND KNOW!!” 

Jungkook let out a laugh and kissed her cheek, “I kiss your waist and ease your mind..”

“NOT NOW JUNGKOOK! SINGING WON’T GET YOU OFF THE HOOK!”

#bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts jungkook #bts namjoon #bts seokjin #bts taehyung #bts jimin #bts yoongi #bts x reader #bts hoseok #bts #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #his fan girl #bts social media au

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Imagine Ellies hanging out with Dina and Jessie and they were whispering to each other and Ellie was like super confused until one of them says the woman at the bar is super hot and when Ellie turns to see who their looking at its Joel and reader. Ellie being shook af and turns to them like "I- That's my mom." And she ends up telling reader and Joel what happened when they went back home😂

It's illegal how much fun I had scribbling this🙃

It was one of the community evenings. Where everyone who wished could come for an evening of food, drinks, endless music, and dancing. It felt almost like a hive of bees. All buzzing together, all excited even if everyone worked amongst each other all the time as it was. But this was special. Seeing people like this after the outbreak was special. It felt so uplifting to witness so many smiles and to hear laughter.

Ellie had rushed out of the house before you and Joel. She was eager to see Dina well Jesse as well but Dina was the real reason Ellie even came for clothing advice to you. You were so happy for her. That teenager's excitement. The chance to mingle with people your age. You and Joel had talked about this many times. Late at night, in the comfort of your shared sheets. You both wanted nothing more than to give her at least a somewhat normal childhood. Ellie had her spark back and that was enough to ignite the fire that burnt within you two.

Ellie had been dancing with both of her friends for what felt like hours. She had slipped away with Dina for a bit. She wanted to kiss her but they only ended up holding hands. But that was enough to make Ellie go all red. Gosh, how much did she want to just run to you and tell you everything already? But she killed out the excitement for now trying to make her way back to her friends with three glasses of house lemonade in her hands.

She found Dina and Jesse almost pressed together as they whispered among themselves. A ping of jealousy ran down Ellie's back, she didn't like how close Jesse was to Dina. Even if there was nothing between them it still felt like she was already losing. Now even the fact that Dina had reassured Ellie that they were ex-lovers didn't make her feel any better.

"What are we gossiping about?", Ellie said sitting down the drinks, "Shhh...", Dina pulled Ellie by the hand, "Tell me that I am still alive", Jesse turned to the two of them pressing his fingers to the pulse point on his neck. Ellie rolled her eyes, still not understanding what all of this was about. "You two are unbelievable", "I wonder what you will say when you see her", Dina's words made Ellie even more confused. Was there another girl their age here that had caught her attention?

Ellie looked around the room but didn't see any super unfamiliar faces. "No, by the bar more to your left", Jessie guided his finger and Ellie followed the direction. Her brain turned off for a moment when she saw you laughing with your hand on your chest, a smug-looking Joel by your side. She was so going to bring that up to him, the male who never smiles my ass she thought. But you. No, they couldn't have been talking about you.

"I don't get it...", Ellie whispered, "El, the woman in the white shirt, long hair", so it was you. A weird tingle ran through her. "Shit, she's hot", Ellie snapped her head towards Jesse, "No, you will take that back", she said, feeling a weird sort of frustration building within her. "Well she is sexy bet she is good at...", Ellie stood up quickly, her palms came in contact with the boy's chest. Both Dina and Jesse looked confused as Ellie breathed heavily, "That's my mom, you sick-ass", the people around had turned to look but Ellie didn't quite send daggers.

You and Joel had noticed the whole thing as well. Joel rose first, telling you to stay behind as he approached the kids. "Is there a problem here?", he asked looking Jesse up and down as if he was planning all the ways to cause pain if he had by any chance hurt Ellie in a way. The boy only swallowed thickly. Of course, Jesse's words would mean nothing. So he didn't even try to explain. Ellie started at him still, Joel touched her shoulder and her head snapped to him. "No, but I want to go home", she mumbled turning around and walking towards you. Dina called out her name a couple of times but she didn't give the girl a second glance. Joel sent the two kids a warning look as he two turned around.

Ellie was walking ahead of you both. Huffing and puffing. You had asked Joel what had happened but he only shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, baby, what happened? Did someone upset you?", you called out just as Ellie was about to slip up the stairs. She stopped but said nothing. "El", Joel called out her name and she instantly turned to him. They were like one by now. The relationship they built was above this world. If anyone could get Ellie out of her head it was Joel.

"It's... They...", Ellie started as she walked back down and into the living room where you both stood. "I just didn't like what they said, well what Jesse said", Ellie admitted, lowering her head. "Did he insult you in any way?", you asked already frowning but Ellie shook your head. "He... said things about you", Ellie looked up to meet your confused eyes, "Me?", "He said you were hot and that you are probably good in bed but he didn't finish that part, that was what he was going to say and that is so not okay, you are my mom and...", she rammed on. You just sat there. Joel however was clenching his fists already. Glancing at the door, the thought of going back out there to teach that young duckling a lesson swirled in his brain.

But then your laugh filled the room and the two instantly looked at you. "Does that make me a milf?", you cackled, "This is not funny", Joel groaned, Ellie quickly nodded her head in agreement. "Oh come on you two. First of all, be proud your mom is hot. And second of all", you turned to Joel, "Are you serious about fighting a kid? I'm quite literally yours", talking his clenched fist you spread Joel's fingers apart so you could hold his hand.

"I just didn't like it", Ellie said, "I'm glad you stood up for me and that you defended your boundaries", you reached out for her and she instantly walked to sit by your side. It was silent for a moment until Joel smoke up, "Should have aimed for his teeth", "Joel...", you whined making Ellie let out a laugh. You shook your head, "What will I do with you two, huh?"

#bubble with bubbles 🫧 #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #the last of us imagine

[randonauticrap]

A Letter to Myself ~ Chapter 1

Series Description: A 1st person POV Isekai Ikemen Prince adventure told by me, your narrator. Not all true stories are believable, and not all true stories are real. I have changed my name and the names of anyone who inspired these characters.

Chapter Description: Liliana goes to sleep after another disappointing experience with love, and wakes up inside a very strange dream.

Chapter Title: Dream Truths

Triggers: Negative self talk; vague mention of fatphobia

There are few things in this world I love more than singing, sleeping, and daydreaming. They’re the three things that can always reset my anxious mind, and push out all forms of mental clutter, if only long enough for me to focus on the task at hand. That particular evening, the task at hand was wishing that my situationship (who, after I admitted I had feelings for earlier that day, told me he didn’t actually feel that way about me, and saw me only as a friend) had instead been one of the dashing princes in my favorite otome game. I think everyone could agree that they would never. But the quiet of the night threatened to envelop me nonetheless; this wasn’t the first time I’ve been fooled by pretty words and flirtatious kindness. It wasn’t even the second or third, and I’ve begun to wonder who the real problem is. Am I simply misinterpreting this behavior? Was my perception truly that terrible? I didn’t think so, since I could usually nail down just about anyone I met: what their struggles were, why they acted the way they did, and so on and so forth. In fact, it was one of the things I was known for in my friend circles - being a mind reader. 

But for some reason, when love was involved, my radar was off; or broken; or just flat out missing altogether. It was something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember; to be loved the way I love, but fate seemed to stand against me in that regard. What if I just wasn't meant to have my own love story? My heart clenched at the thought that plagued me over and over. It was no mystery that my body type was not one that was so popularly celebrated in many circles, and I'd experienced my fair share of backlash over it through the years. And while, thankfully, many women in this day and age were standing up and speaking out about it, I still received far too many judgmental eyes on me when I dared to eat in public; didn't matter if it was 4pm and it was the first thing I'd eaten since I woke up at 7am. 

So it should come as no surprise that the little voice in my head - that damn goblin - often added "overweight" to the list of qualities that left men… wanting, in regards to myself. But the laundry list was miles long by now, and not even the newest Whirlpool could scrub it clean. Besides, who could afford that much laundry detergent? Certainly not me. Not in this economy. 

Usually, I could stir up some comforting scenario with the handsome first prince and lull myself to sleep in his imaginary arms, but the trick wasn't working tonight. God, of course it wasn't. I had to be up in around 4 hours to go to rehearsal, and sleep had been evading me almost as much as men did. "Is sleep a man?" I pondered aloud to my quiet bedroom. "Would make a hell of a lot of sense." I grumbled under my breath as I reached for the Melatonin gummies on my nightstand. I popped two in my mouth and chewed begrudgingly until the almost-fruit tang flavor was gone from my mouth, then let my head fall unceremoniously back onto my pillow with a dull thud. 

Now my neck hurts. Of course it does.

I tossed and turned for awhile longer, praying the Melatonin would do its work, and at last, I felt the gentle tug of sleep calling the deep recesses of my brain. Thank God, now I can go see Jin. It was the last coherent thought I had before diving under, my subconscious brain taking over, my desires in tow. 

…

…..

…….

Birds. 

I was hearing birds. Is this a dream? Those birds don't sound like the birds outside my window normally do. Those sound like… what the hell is that? A weed wacker? It isn't Friday. Is it? This has to be a dream, there's no way I missed two days; I've slept for long periods of time, but never 48 hours straight, long. That's like, coma long. God, I hope I haven't peed the bed. 

I cracked one eye open slowly, noting the lack of crust around it. Thank God, I'm finally re-hydrated. I'd been dehydrated for pretty much my entire life, through no one's fault but my own, and I'd always wanted to be one of those girls who could tote around a cute water bottle the size of a milk jug and drink it all in one day. But alas, God had other plans when he made me. Maybe he was distracted, I don't know. But I had been trying to take better care of myself lately, so I guess it finally paid off! Hopefully this means no more headaches, and-

I opened my other eye to stare up at my ceiling. I wonder what ti- wait. "M'kaaaay, maybe I do have eye crust." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes with my index fingers. Cause that's not my ceiling. Have I gone blind? Oh God, am I blind?

I opened my eyes again and flicked my gaze around the room quickly. Okay, not blind. A relieved sigh petered out of my lungs, but it only lasted a second before I cast my eyes around the room again, in earnest this time. This is not my room. My head swiveled left; right; left again. Okay, so I'm dreaming. Damn it, I probably still have eye crust. I shook my head in disappointment as I sat up in bed. The room I was in was small; tiny, even in comparison to mine, which was saying something. There was a single painting on the wall perpendicular to my right, hung precariously on the dusty beige wall. It looked like a lush green forest with a river running through the center. Pretty. 

My eyes continued their journey right and landed on a small, rustic looking side table with an oil lamp on it, along with a well-worn book. On impulse, I picked up the book and stroked its spine while I read the words on the cover. "Liliana's Adventures" Funny. That's my name. Could my brain really not come up with anything better than this for a title? Jeez, and I call myself a writer. A sound between a scoff and a laugh escaped my lips as I set the book back down on the side table and turned my head to the left. 

There was a small table with two rickety wooden chairs and what looked like a sewing project neatly folded on the tabletop. Okay, is my brain trying to tell me to pick up a new hobby or something, or did I watch too much Lord of the Rings last night? I noticed that there was a simple mirror on the wall across from me that reflected the bland beige wall above my head, the door to the tiny room, and a single window, notched in the downward slope of the ceiling to my left. I didn't understand. Why did my subconscious bring me here of all places? And where even is here? I mean, it has to be a dream. I just "woke up" and the inside of my mouth doesn't even feel gross, and there's no way that's real. 

I pulled myself out of the small, stiff bed and padded over to the window, my feet bare on the chilly wooden panels. The most beautiful garden I had ever seen in my life sprawled out before my eyes way down below. Bursts of yellow, white, pink, and red lined a maze of pathways through the middle, and showcased the gorgeous flowers in bloom. Most of them looked like roses. Wow… now I understand the weed wacker. 

I could get lost tracing each walkway with my eyes, and apparently I did, because I didn't hear the angry footsteps stomping up to the door of my room until it burst open and an irate woman screeched through it. "Leisel, quit your dawdling, we are due in the kitchen in five minutes!" The door slammed shut just as suddenly as it had opened and I jumped hard, nearly knocking my head on the sloped ceiling in the process.  "Who the hell is Leisel?"

~

Tags for the Lovelies: @aquagirl1978 @rhodolitesroseforclavis @ikehoe @queengiuliettafirstlady @maries-gallery @nightghoul381 @judejazza @xbalayage @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @alvieeru @aria-chikage @tele86

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen series #jin grandet #chevalier michel #clavis lelouch #leon dompteur #yves kloss #licht klein #nokto klein #luke randolph #ikemen prince isekai #ikepri isekai series #isekai #isekai romance

[poetryinsilence]

Yeah fluff is great and all but what about blood and all?👀 I’m putting dom!Corey in a pedestal cuz the extended cut is what my entire one brain cell is filled with. sue me. the speed at which i wrote this terrifies me

🚨general warnings: blood and kill and all that stuff, uh, gaslighting.

Let’s go, me blorbos!

Isn’t it pretty? The colour of blood? How it runs down someone’s throat and bathe them in a new light?

Corey used to be scared- scared of the shade because it brings a warning sign. An alert that he had done something bad and the suffering of consequences are waiting for him.

Cuts used to make him squirm. Seeing flesh being torn open and soft, stringy tendons pulsate with each beat of the drum would have him hurled over and vomit. Even just the thought of it would make him sick.

Ever since the incident with Jeremy, he was- no, he accepted the fact that sometimes a drop of blood is necessary. Sometimes reopening a cut is necessary.

Killing the people around you is necessary.

However, you digress.

“You said that he was bothering you, and you wanted to get away from him. So, how am I in the wrong for helping you with your troubles?”

“I never said that! All I did was just complained about work. But, you! You straight up murdered a guy!”

“I helped you! You were stressing out and it hurts me to see you like this. He wasn’t a good guy anyway. All those secret texts that he tried to hide thinking no one’s gonna find out,” he laughs, dryly. “ No one’s gonna miss that sad sod anyway.”

“No, that wasn’t suppose to happen… You can’t take people’s lives away! It’s not for you to decide!”

But that’s where you’re wrong. You see, Corey thought the same at first. Killing is wrong. But the reason behind his killing were right. Those people were not good people. They had their own dirty little secrets; doing things that were only beneficial to no one but themselves. No, he was doing a world a favour. Even if they don’t agree with him.

He know the rights and the wrongs. Unlike Michael Myres that kills only for his amusement. Chasing the thrill of seeing the light flicker out from a person’s eyes. But what purpose does that entail? Nothing.

Corey kills for the right reason. There’s no thrill for him in ending someone’s life. The first time he killed someone he was so nervous that he threw up right after. But when he convinced himself that he’s simply taking a problem out of the equation, everything felt serene. The glide of the knife justifies everything. After that, each drop of blood fills him with content- that he was at peace with the colour red.

He was hoping you could see that. What he’s doing is right. Even if you can’t, he’ll teach you. Yes, by then, you’ll see what he sees.

“Corey, I can’t do this…”

“What are you talking about?”

“…I think we need to take some time-“

“No,”

“I’m sorry…”

Time? ‘We need to take some time’? The final thread in his brain snapped and fills him with the missing anger that he was supposed to feel. The floodgates open to the gushing of red. Yes, red. His love for you is as deep as blood, the corpses that have shed could not testify how much he loves you. You’re his.

His hand wraps around you wrist, and in the silent protest, you felt a pop of bones detach from its connection. To much of your horror, your back was met with bare walls and air exhumes from your lungs with a deadly force. Screams were stifled by his hand grip tightly around the base of your neck, the pressure digging in with each seeping blood flow. Your eyes red and tear brimmed as you could only gaze at him in shock, kicking to grasp onto gravity.

What draws your blood cold isn’t the malicious intent written across his face. There is, no nefarious glare deep within his eyes. And that’s what terrifies you. What he gave, was a boyish smile, and a playful giggle that you’d normally hear that surrounds your house on a typical Friday evening.

“I don’t think you heard me clearly. I’m not asking, I’m telling you. You’re not going anywhere. You’re mine.”

#corey cunningham #halloween ends #corey cunningham x you #corey cunningham x reader #⭐️.doc #don’t hold me accountable cuz I don’t know what I’m doing #no beta read it’s all raw

[pulchrasilva]

HI I SAW IN THE TAGS YOURE MAKING A CHARACTER TELL ME ABOUT THEM (THREAT) (I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS)

YES I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT MY CHARACTER (finally)

Ok ok so she's a tiefling warlock (i almost made her a bard but then I realised I was just trying to make Noise 2 so I went with warlock instead. It didn't work very well)

So anyway, her name's Requital but she doesn't trust most people so everyone knows her as Talia (RequiTALIA get it). She's pretending to be a noble and thats the name of her alter ego.

Shes chaotic good and really hates the rich or anyone who takes advantage of others (even though she does it herself sometimes, shhh its tootally justified). I'd say her manner is like Janus Sanders but her like ideals are more Robin Hood. She loves stealing from people she thinks deserve it and she uses her noblewoman alterego to do that.

This is why Narula, an archfey, offered her a warlock pact. Narula is vengeful and wants to punish wrongdoers but she's been imprisoned in some kind of enchanted forest (this is my DMs backstory because for some reason we can't find any lore for Narula except her name) so she needed someone to do this for her. Obviously Requital was like hell yeah im doing that anyway, gimme powers. But if she gets too sidetracked or goes after someone Narula doesn't deem evil then she's gonna be in trooouble~

So yeah she's kinda bound to keep enacting her own form of justice on the world. BUT because she constantly surrounds herself with shitty people she's exacerbated her own trust issues and can't properly judge who deserves it anymore, which led to... problems.

She heard about a nobleman who was stockpiling wealth and assumed he was exploiting his people for his own gain. So she befriended him (she told herself that his kindness was just a facade like always) and stole all the money only to later learn that he wasn't hoarding the wealth. There was a blight plaguing his people and he'd been gathering funds to treat it. So by stealing the money, she'd actually prevented him from saving lives. More people died because of her AND she hurt someone who genuinely thought of her as a friend (and she maybe thought of as a friend too but she's not gonna admit that). So now she's trying to atone for that mistake.

All of her spells and stuff are about deception, illusion, disguise, etc (she's kinda useless in combat rip). So far she's made loads of people basically piss their pants with her Fey Presence. She's also scammed an elf diviner (i think they were a diviner at least?? They could tell the future and stuff) and managed to persuade them that she really was a noblewoman who was travelling and so didn't have much money with her but pretty please can she have that magic item she'll pay 25 of the 150 gold upfront and then have someone come back with the rest of the money soon (really hoping we don't see that elf again lol where am I gonna find 125 gold). One of the other party members overheard this and called bullshit so I had to roll with disadvantage but I nat 20ed and did it anyway!! (Obviously she's really pissed about that and is now holding blackmail over him)

Oh and in our session today she Fey Presence-ed a guy and then the SAME PERSON just BARGED IN and knocked out HER PRISONER!!!! and she's furious so she tried to kill him (multiple times) but his armour class is so high that all she managed to do was waste a spell slot and nearly stab herself lmao. Imagine a really angry kitten trying to scratch you but being held by the scruff of the neck thats her right now

In terms of appearance she's like kinda tall and pretty weak. Her skin is dark with bronze freckles and her eyes are jet black, her horns and tail are bronze and she wears her hair in long black locs which fade to red at the ends. Since getting to level 2 though one of her eyes has turned purple (like Narula's) and her horns have become more fey-like but she's been hiding this using Disguise Self so only she knows about it.

#my original idea for requital was for her to be cool but tbh shes kinda patheticcore instead #dnd #dnd tiefling #dnd character #ask

[cheeryraccoon]

Hehehe I’m in love with your writing style <3 so expect more from meee <333

Have you seen ISWM? If so can you do ISWM Google? (My HC is he’s on the ship just dormant.)

[ramble]

So if you have maybe Captain stumbles across this hidden room with tons of caution tape and finds the Droids, most covered head to toe in weaponry, and Google, the only one with a actual warning. Something something ‘tries to take over ship. Do not turn on’ whatever hoo doo stuff.

and Captain turns him on. 😉 you can choose the rest HEHEHHEHE

You Seem Special - Googleiplier x Captain!Reader

Thank you so much, that means a lot! I thought that it'd be fun to turn your request into a bit of a series. I hope that's okay with you! Enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------

After a long day of fixing problems on your ship, the Invincible II, you found yourself walking the seemingly endless halls. The hall you're in seemed like no one's been in it for a long time. There's several doors in it, all with bright yellow caution tape over them. You looked at it and pulled it off. You're the captain, you should know as much about the things on the ship as possible right? You walk in and found...

"Droids?" You said aloud from shock.

There's about 20 in the spacious room. All looking like they were about to go to war. You looked around at them, they all looked the same. Except one. In the back of the room there's was one that looked more... normal? As normal as a droid can look? He had black hair, stubble, and a bright blue shirt with a 'G' on it.

"Why is he kind of... handsome?" You thought to yourself.

He had a sign hanging around his neck.

"'Will try to take over ship. Do not activate.'" You read aloud.

He looked harmless. Someone, maybe Mark, probably put the sign there for a reason... but you really wanted to see what he's for. After debating it for a minute, you decided to turn him on for at least a moment. On the floor beneath him there was a manual that said how to activate him.

"Okay Google." You said.

The droid looked up and began scanning the surroundings, including you.

"Hello there, I'm Captain Y/N but everyone here just calls me Captain."

"Hello, I am Googleiplier." The droid said.

"Interesting, what is your primary function Googleiplier?" You asked it.

"My primary function is to answer questions as quick as possible... and end human civilization." It said.

"Menacing, you won't be doing that. Who built you?"

"I am the prototype for all droids meant for combat. After I almost got rid of my creator they changed my coding so I won't hurt someone else." He answered quickly.

"Oh, then you must've been more AI than code. These other must follow orders better then. Are you going to hurt me?" You asked the last question warily.

"You are the new leader of this ship. From my scans you seem capable of putting up a good fight and could potentially dismantle me. ...Have you altered my code?" He looked confused for a moment.

"No, I just found you in here. Why?" Now you were confused.

"...You seem different from other humans. You seem special, I do not wish to hurt you."

You were stunned. This droid that wanted to destroy humanity didn't want to hurt you?

"Oh, thank you I guess? I wonder why, has this ever happened before?" You were confused but also intrigued at the same time.

"No, I was not operating long enough for it to happen if it could." He seemed as confused and intrigued as you.

Just then, your radio came on.

"Uhhh Captain, we need you in the Reactor room." You heard Mark's voice say.

"On my way," You said into it. "Google, I have to go and you're not supposed to be on. I have to turn you off but I'll come back, okay?"

The droid nodded. You pressed a button on his shoulder to power him down and left the room.

You made a promise to yourself that you were gonna come back, there was still a lot to learn about your new droid friend.

#markiplier #googleiplier #googleiplier x reader #googleiplier x y/n #googleiplier markiplier

[buckysmith]

Hello can I have a MW2 matchup please?

I am a girl, 166cm tall and have a normal weight with a feminine body, my eyes are gray-blue and my hair is darkblond and long. I have no glasses or other impairments, my character is (Intj-t) I'm calm and melancholic, to my fellow men I am quite insensitive or even a bit apathetic. With new people I always show a critical look and am very selective. I see through the superficial very quickly and if I notice that someone is not good for me, I distance myself from the person.

But with people I trust and like, I also show my nice and loving side. (even if it is sometimes difficult for me to show it).And if I show it, then mostly by rather "smaller" touches like on the arm, back (neck), chest, hand or just standing a little close to the person and be with them. And if I do say it, then very direct but still emotional.

I am quite self-confident when I speak or do something, but when it comes to sexual relations I am still insecure (I am a virgin). Therefore I would say 60%(generally quite certain ["self-confident"] in the things I say/do and 40% in romantic/sexual or something with closer physical contact.)

Also, I would probably be more sociable when few/no one is around or near, because in my opinion that is something deep between two people, which I would like to enjoy then (probably then rather smaller touches when others are around).

Nevertheless it is with me often however still in such a way that I with me (self-esteem) and appearance still to fight have (I am insecure over my external appearance and doubt often also that my existence has a sense), for example if someone reduces me on my existence or appearance itself then with me noticeably ( I will try with this person as well it goes no more to speak or try contact with it to avoid, so that such a thing does not occur). Although I hate to show when someone manages to hurt me and therefore always try to maintain an emotionless mien/pokerface, but this can decay after a certain time (often saying these insults) and you can notice that it hurts me, what the person said to me.

And if my partner also has such problems as I have (or other psychological problems or with his physical looks), then I will prove him the opposite and try as well as possible with some kind words him these thoughts to get away .

Then briefly positive qualities about me, I have a great perseverance in terms of learning or work (eg "housewife" activities or even in the medical field, maybe that's a reason why I'm sometimes overprotective) and I can adapt well to a routine or my tasks that I should do. I am also not the type of person who complains, I can follow requirements without complaining (this does not mean that I cannot express my own opinion, I just know when it is good to mention it and when not). I always like to learn and I can accept improvements, and I am very loyal and always listen to their stories/problems.

Negative characteristics of me are that I am sometimes too honest or direct and thus unknowingly/unintentionally tell someone something that they would actually rather not have heard. Or I dissappears when I'm not ok, need space of everyone and being cold to everybody also to them I love (I always regret it, because I don't really want to be like that, but I need my "protective shield").

And I am also afraid that the people I love will be taken away from me, I already have a few and then they will be taken away from me? No, I am very selfish and try everything to prevent that.

Besides, my hobbies are reading and doing my routine well and I like nature (being outside at night) and also (pets) animals, I also like to take care of them and pet them. As for my music taste, it is quite wide I listen to everything. My clothing style is quite simple as I always wear long things and not skin showing, otherwise I feel uncomfortable and therefore prefer to keep my body "covered".

I'm sorry it's a lot of text and just do it if you want to and you have time for this, anyway thank you for reading this. :)

I had to think about your matchup really really hard, not that is was bad or that I didn’t know who I would pick for you, everything but that. I just wanted to take time with it, to be 101% sure what I want to write. I hope you’re not to angry with me

I’m gonna match you with Ghost.

You and ghost share some personality traits, and overall I think you both would fit perfect.

You both are more in the quite and anti social side, you both rather enjoy your time alone than with people you can’t really connect.

Ghost can see a lot of himself in you, let it be his old self and his current one, it’s one of the reasons he took an eye of you.

Ghost doesn’t really speak, only when it’s needed so most of the time he would only listen to you, but again as I said when he needs to speak he does.

He knows your little issues with yourself, he knows every flaw you think you have and he will do everything to convince you otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong he wouldn’t sugarcoat his words, he would give you a fact after fact after fact explaining why you don’t have to be so hard to yourself.

BUT if he notice that his words are to harsh, he tries to do better and he will change for you, and only you.

When it comes to intimacy he’s quite experienced but it were always one night stands, nothing personal, just Sex. And even though your not his first time, your his first time in a relationship. As I said, it was always sex nothing more, so he would take time with you, especially with you being a virgin. If your not ready he wouldn’t force you to anything, he would even stop you, asking if you really want that or if you only want to do it for him.

He’s not much into PDA, he hates it especially if you happen to be at the base, as a civilian or soldier it doesn’t matter, he will treat you like everyone else. He’s just way to scared to loose you, to loose the only human that really mean something for him, that he loves.

But just like you, he would show his affection trough his actions. Standing next to you, close but not too close that anyone would notice but you. Slight touches when he walks past you or when he’s in public (he always wears a mask, no matter what) he would take one of your fingers, holding it to have you close but not enough for everyone to notice.

He knows you better than you know yourself, so he would notice the slightest change in your mood or even just your eyes. If you happen to talk to a person and they insult you in a way any other person would think they mean it as a joke he notice the change in your eyes. Even though he doesn’t talk much, he would gladly talk the moment that asshead continues to shit talk you. Oh, and he knows how to use his voice, his height and his aura to make sure that assholes never tries to do smt like that again.

If it happens and he isn’t around he would notice your change too, he would ask you directly about it, wanting to know what happened. He knows he can’t just decide to hunt that asshole as ghost, he would loose his career and maybe even you, his enemies are everywhere. So he would ask you if he can accompany you the next time you have to meet with that aushole, and believe me, he would make sure that something like that never happen again.

He loves how you adapt to situations so quickly, how you’re willingly to learn new stuff or to actually listen to him.

He doesn’t think your honesty is something bad. He would rather hear a rough word that gets the job done than a sugarcoated one that doesn’t help. When you disappear he knows that he shouldn’t enter your space, as long as you don’t want him to enter it. He always disappears too if something wrong, so he’s definitely doesn’t judge you for that, but maybe he would try to at least give you some comfort while you shut yourself down on anyone. He knows that when your in your darkplace you say stuff you later regret, so he would make sure to bring you stuff like the book you love, or your tablet with snacks or a tea/coffee/hot chocolate anything he thinks might help you to be at least comfortable. He’s a ghost, you wouldn’t notice it till the smell of your favorite snack/ drink enters your nostrils.

He lost so much, he would hide you like a gem.

Nobody, really nobody would know your name, how you look like, where you’re from or anything else. Nothing and nobody, not even price.

But he would make sure to somehow contact you while he’s away, fighting for his country, for you and for your safety. He knows his job is dangerous so it would only be a “I’m alright" or "♥️” to let you know he’s safe.

He likes just to watch you doing stuff you enjoy, he doesn’t really has anything himself he enjoys besides watching you or listing to whatever you want to talk about.

But he likes your hobbies, but not really that you go outside at night, he’s just scared of you being hurt… he would train a dog and give it to you to know your save and that you can enjoy late night walks, watching stars or something like that (he said that, not me ;))

He would ask you if you want a cat or maybe rabbits to accompany while he’s away even though you have a Rottweiler that reminds you of your boyfriend.

End

Afterword: I really really hope you liked your matchup :)

#simon riley #simon ghost riley

[roadtogracelandx45]

Game Changers|1|A. Banks| Mighty Ducks

@ohnoitsthebat here is chapter one of my mighty ducks story, i have been on a roll with it today

Introduction

“Come on Ava, there is no reason to pout.” Rick Riley, Ava’s older cousin said as he stood in the doorway of her bedroom, his best friend Biff Cole behind him. “What did Gordon do now?” “Who says it has anything to do with my dad?”  “ Cause you always get like this when he does somethin’.’ Ava blinked her eyes in surprise and then looked at her cousin then back at him, that was the first time she had heard him string together a full sentence. 

“He and Casey are having problems which in turn is making Charlie and I fight.” She answered as she picked at the lace on one of her throw pillows, ‘I have been staying most of the summer. Grandpa insisted.” 

Spending the summer at her grandparents wasn’t something she had been planning on, she had thought that she would be with her stepmom and brother and be able to see the Ducks more but that hadn’t been the case.  Rick folded his arms as he stared at her, “Aves, you can’t lie to me.” 

“Rick.” She started as she raised the pillow to throw at him, “I am fine.”  “Ava Grace, don’t you dare,” Rick warned, pointing his finger at the younger girl who grinned and dropped the pillow onto her bedding again.

 “Come on, let's go play some hockey.” “Grandpa doesn’t like it when I play hockey and you Rick know that.” “What Grandpa doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Ava’s blue eyes came alive with excitement as she all but flew from her bed.  “You are the best.” 

“I know. C’mon.’ 

“This is a bad idea,” Cole warned. He liked Ava, she was like his own little sister but she was tiny and liable to get hurt easily and he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of one of Coach Riley’s tirades again. He had enough of that when he was on the Hawks and he didn’t want to hear what he would say if Ava got hurt. Ava was Coach Riley’s and his wife Elizabeth’s 2nd chance at having a daughter. 

Their daughter Grace had some issues with drugs and booze and had ended up in a fiery car crash that cost her her life.  Rick insisted that he, his younger brother Tommy and Cole stay with Ava until she got back on steady ground. It had taken until late that year to get back to normal. And they both knew it was a combination of them and The Ducks that helped her.  

“Don’t worry Cole, everything is going to be just fine.” 

Everything wasn’t fine. It went from bad to worse in a matter of seconds, and Rick and Cole couldn’t believe their eyes as the black sedan came out of nowhere running the red light and hitting Ava hard. She went up and over the hood and landed hard on the side. A loud cry escaped her. 

 “Aves! What hurts?’ Rick asked rushing to her side, the last thing he wanted was his cousin to be hurt. Ava at first didn’t answer, she was trying to pull herself together so she wouldn’t show them how scared and how hurt she really was.  That was Reilly’s toughness and the Bombay stubbornness shining through. 

“Ava, what hurts?” Rick repeated, as the man got out of the car and came over to them. “Jesus, is she alright?” ‘No idiot, she isn’t okay.” Biff had run into the nearby store to call 911. Both he and Rick were trembling not only from fear of what happened but the fear Coach Rielly was going to say to them when they got ahold of them. 

“Grandpa is going to kill us,” Ava whined through the pain, “My whole left side hurts.”  Rick leaned over and pulled up the coat and sweater, the skin was already turning black and blue. He fought back the bile that rose up in his throat, he had seen a lot of injuries playing hockey but this was different, this was his little cousin and it was his fault that she was hurt. “Everything is going to be okay Aves.” He assured her, “ I won’t leave your side until Uncle Jack comes.” Ava nodded her head as the paramedics and the cops swarmed the area. 

“Rick. Don’t leave me please,” Ava begged as they started putting a neck brace on her and checking for other injuries. “I am her cousin. My friend is trying to find her grandfather.’ ‘Casey.” Ava whined again, the pain was getting worse. “Her phone number is in my pocket.” She had a habit of carrying slips of paper around with her that had her grandparent's phone numbers and her stepmother’s phone numbers just in case something happened while she was out. 

Rick reached into her coat pocket and pulled out the crumpled pieces of paper. In her little handwriting was the full name of her stepmom and the phone number for the apartment and the phone number to the restaurant. Cole had come out and he handed him the paper with a short quiet call her step mom request. “I am sorry Aves.” Cole said quickly before rushing back into the building. 

The paramedics loaded Ava up on the stretcher and started to load her into the ambulance.

 Rick steps behind them.  “Rick?” There was panic in her voice, she was scared that she was going to be left. “I am right here kiddo. Don’t worry.” He said before the paramedic let him come to her side. Her blue eyes were hazy and teary still. ‘They gave you some morphine huh?” “Yep.” She popped her p with a small giggle. Rick laughed with her, thankful that she wasn’t hurting. He just hoped it would last until Jack got there. 

***

It wasn’t Jack Reilly who showed up first, it was Ava’s stepmother Casey and her stepbrother Charlie. “Ava! What happened?” Casey cried as she threw her purse on the empty chair and Charlie went straight to Ava’s side, conercn on his face.  

“Got hit by a car.  We were crossing the street and his car came out of nowhere.’ Ava returned. 

‘They have her on morphine right now,” Rick added, “The driver broke her hip.” 

“Did he get arrested?” Charlie questioned, he was now sitting next to Ava on the bed, changing the channels until he found 90210. He had heard Tammy and Connie talk about it enough to know that Ava would like it.

 “Yes he did. The police just left.’ Rick had gotten over the anxiety he had felt and was starting to feel more guilt. If he hadn’t switched her spot to walk next to Biff as they were talking about girls that went to their school, it would have been him that was hit and not Ava.  “Is her grandfather coming?” Rick nodded his head, they had finally got ahold of her grandfather and his father were coming in. “Can I stay with you?” Ava asked her hazy blue eyes on her stepmother who smiled at her, unshed tears in her eyes. “Aves, you don’t even have to ask.” “What about Coach?” Charlie asked as his sister put her head on his shoulder, the pain meds getting the better of her. “Forget him, his career is more important than us. Always has been.”  Casey shook her head at Charlie before taking a seat, they would discuss what they had too once Ava wasn’t on pain meds and not terrified because of an accident she was in.

#ash writes #oc: ava bombay #series: game changers #mighty ducks fan fiction #mighty ducks imagines #90s movies fan fiction #90s movies imagines #adam banks fan fiction #adam banks imagines

[p-o-t-g]

I don’t think, i am able to do this. I don’t think i am able to love someone, give the things they deserve, give the love they deserve and not hurting them. And i think exactly thats why i will never find the love, becuase i will never, ever going to be a person the kind of someone want. Even they want, i really don’t deserve the love, and i am sure the moment they notice that how shitty i am and not just saying but in action, i don’t care about them. When they notice this shit, when i say it, they will get how fucked up i am, how i am toxic as fuck and they should run away without looking back. And when i say “them” i actually talking about him. That spesific person. I know its bad, its messed up, its impossible to love someone when you hate yourself and don’t see as someone who would deserve that kind of love. Any kind of love, actually. And the most hurtful part? That i am doing all of this by myself. I could just live the moment, right? I have someone who love me, not someone, everyone. Everyone loves me. But me, i am not someone who they should love. Never. Never never never never never never fucking ever they should love, even like, be friends with me because i am toxic and they know that as well. I don’t understand their “you are a good person” complex when they are fucking angels seeing every little good in bad things and still thinking they are unable to love like me. No, they deserve everything man. And they don’t get the reason they feel this way is people around them, not becuase they are bad. They are awsome, so good, and then there is me. They just don’t get it aren’t they. That i am a piece of shit and my life was just so perfect only problem in it was me. And the peace i felt when blood was dripping drom my neck, proves that. I shouldn’t even be here at the first place, and still, here i am. I am not dumb, i know i am not the worst. 

I am all the things wrong with me.

Its me.

Feeling bad or saying sorry after you fuck up everything would never work, its not gonna be okay, because i will never change, i just can’t. I tried man, i really tried, i even thought i was getting better. 

What a joke.

I don’t even think i can do this anymore ghosts, to be honest, and i know i can be honest here because there are just me and you ghosts. I am scared.

I know i am not gonna be a good lover, i know i am not gonna. I don’t even have any hope left. I fucking hate this man.

I hate this so much.

They do a lot,

They care a lot,

They love a lot.

Thats normally good but,

To me? Loving, caring... Me? The worst they could do.

I manipulated my friends and filled them up with bullshit, convinced myself it was their fault, developed anger issues and superiority complex. I started gaslighting my friends and for a long time I refused to get help.

Its just so bad you know ghost? Of course you know but like, everyone loves and helps you, accept you as what you are, doing everything they can and you turn into this.

A addicted, heartless, selfish fucker.

What a waste of time.

What a waste of time, talking, trying to tell me something, they think i will understand them.

I will never understand.

I don’t care as they do.

And thats so bad man.

I can’t even make myself believe that i care them.

I feel like i am gonna throw up.

I don’t deserve all this stuff, everyone is always so nice to me and let me do stupid shit without a second thought. I’m so mean to my friends and are always hurting them both physically and mentally I don’t get why they choose to be around me. In the end I’ve realized that I haven’t grown at all, I’m still the same person I was when I was a kid. A spoiled little asshole.

I am not who they think, i am not an actual good persons with trauma and thinking that i am a bad person, but i am not kind of person.

Fuck it.

Seriously.

[danoneediness]

Anatomy of an illness

I've never been the type of girl that likes herself.

It started because I was fat, rounder than a basketball ball, afraid someone might come to me and slap my belly saying they got confused because of the similarities.

At first I didn't even notice, and that's why I hate people telling their kids about problems they see on them. Like, yeah, if you think that might help then do it, but that little special 💫magic💫 and innocence that comes with the mind of a kid is something that, once lost, there's no way to get back to. Why pinch the bubble then?

But then there were too many comments, too many stares, too many opportunities lost.

There was no place to hide anymore, and then it came the crossed arms all the time, specially sitting down, the giant hoodies even in the summer, the long sleeves for the consequences of it, the long hair to hide my neck which only made me look worse. But I was getting used to it.

But one fine day I got diagnosed with insulin resistance and then 20 kilos left, leaving me with the hope that I might find my missing self-love inside me. I didn't. It was so hard to find the peace in myself to start being a little bit more open, to talk to people, raise my voice, even post dumb stories on Instagram. Those little things that look so stupid were just a dream, an illusion up until the day I fought with my inner monsters.

Now, I'm not gonna say that what I do now is the right thing to do, because much despite the fact that I hate to admit it, I'm kinda addicted now to that kind of attention.

Such an attention whore indeed 😙✌.

Because then I started taking those likes, those comments, those messages as a way to feel I'm society, accepted by it.

I keep saying it doesn't even have a true purpose, it is such a waste of time, but let's be honest: I depend on them, it rises my self esteem, my happiness even, it determinate if I'm gonna have a good day or a shitty one.

And that's fucking messed up.

So, besides those fucking social media things that legit doesn't serve for a bigger purpose bit to mess me up even more, there's another problem: the fact that I know there a lot of guys that doesn't like me, as me, but because of what they think I am or because they legit see me as a pair of boobs with feet, and I intend to do nothing about it.

Attention is attention, right?

And sometimes I swear that I'm good with that, but everybody knows I'm just lying to myself. Even I know so.

So when I'm lower than ever I feel the need to feel needed. I feel the feel to be accepted not minding the cost of it. Do you want me to be a mindless body? I'm on it. Do you want to use me and then leave me? Sure, I'm in. Do you want to fuck my brains out, not minding if I get hurt, just so you can feel the king of the jungle? Why not.

I've lost count on how many people have I fucked because I knew they wanted, not me. And it's not their fault but mine. I've lost count on how many people thought it was cool, but hours later I'm just lying in my bed, regretting my choices and trying to make myself feel better about it, saying it's not a big deal, it's living my sexuality freely, it's what I wanted at the time.

And it's not a lie. It was what I wanted at the time. Because I wanted that attention. I needed it.

But this time is different for two reasons mainly:

There were feelings involved.

I just had an abortion.

So let me explain the first one. It was a friend, a true one, and he made me feel safe and secure, and that made me feel better about myself. Or at least it would have been that way if it wasn't for reason 2. But like... the last time I felt that it was only with people I've fucked several times before, I thought it was normal... but I guess it wasn't. So that makes me think: is it better with feelings? Would it be nicer if I was in a relationship? Not with him, but like in general... is this part of that sweet magic they say love is?

And then the second one. I know I have a lot of issues to treat, a lot of therapy to go to, but I didn't think it was much of a big deal, I thought it was a little bit easier, superficial.

Not only do I hate myself, but I truly despise me.

I feel ugly, horrific, I feel it is a punishment to have to look at me the way I truly am, naked. That's why I didn't let him see me. Usually I don't care, but then I felt awful... like, I'm not enough for anyone, they deserve better than me, I suck at everything, even at that: existing.

And then the fear. Is he gonna like me? Is this gonna end up badly? What if... I end up pregnant again? I'm alone, I've always been and I'm even used to it, so that's why I didn't even ask for that guy's help on the abortion. I'm used to being disappointed so I just don't expect anything from people anymore. It's not his fault, and he's got the benefit of the doubt about if he would be responsible in that kind of situations or not, but I wasn't gonna risk it, cause then I'd lose the little amount of mental health I had left. So I did it on my own.

But again? There's no way. I can't. I won't.

He doesn't deserve it, and I don't either, so why risk it? Why through everything away? My life? His life? Our friendship? Our little group of friends? For just one horny night? It will never be worth it.

And then, taking into account what I was saying at the beginning, there are some other guys trying to get into me (yk), and speaking from my hormones, I want to too. But speaking from my future self, my actual self and my past self... even the thought of it makes me sick to the bone. I deserve better, I deserve to give myself a chance to change things, to make something worth having grow into me, into someone else, teach me all those things I haven't had the chance to know.

So... I guess as a conclusion there are a few points I need to get my eyes onto:

I need therapy asap for the abortion, for my absence of self love and self esteem.

I need to be more honest with myself and my partners.

I need to judge more about the people I trust and the way I do it.

I need to give myself the chance to be happy.

I need to give myself to know what love is.

Hopefully I won't die trying.

Literally.

[keefwho]

August 19

12:00 PM

I just need to stop, I can’t take this anxiety. I literally am too tired to deal with it right now. I want it all to stop. Its so STUPID, none of it makes any sense. It’s a bunch of broken thought processes. That makes it all the more irritating. 

1:58 PM

I’ve got a challenge ahead of me, I can do this. I want to break free from this constant worry. Remember that I keep expecting the worse, but nothing should be as bad as I imagine it. It’ll be a normal week going forward. The people in the area are probably normal people and don’t even know it might storm or simply don’t care. They don’t obsess over this like I do. What I do is abnormal, I aim to be like all these other people. They put into perspective that my worry is unfounded. SO many people don’t think about this kind of thing daily so it must not be a big deal. I’m okay, I’m healthy and that’s normal. It’s normal to find distractions to pass the time. I don’t have to monitor my stomach, it does me no good. I should be focusing on things I like to do. 

I might be lonely this weekend but that’s okay too. I shouldn’t be, I can always hop on VR with other people. And I can still message my friends. I feel like I puppy left home alone right now. Maybe because while I CAN hang out with other people, I can’t just start approaching them with my problems. I don’t feel the same kind of comfort around them as I do my bestest friends. 

Remember not to expect the worst, expect neutral. 

Also remember that even though having and actual stomach virus would be miserable, it’s almost impossible I could get one right now. It’s very rare as it is for people that actually go outside. I’m completely safe, and I’d know if I had something that bad. 

2:24 PM

I keep thinking that I’ve gotten worse over time but I think it might just be that I’m aware of it. I’ve always had these kinds of feelings but the difference before is that I would avoid them so much. Now I’m not avoiding them at all and I’m finding that they are much more present than I thought. 

4:21 PM

How do I know if I’m being too much to my friends. How can I tell if I’m not wanted. I don’t think I can. Sometimes people don’t speak up and will keep putting up with you. I don’t want to bother anybody. 

I’ll try to be brave. No one else should have to deal with me dumping my problems on them without asking. 

4:54 PM

I don’t know why I feel like this today. I just want to lay down, cry, and stop existing. Everything is so hard these days and I don’t even have a light at the end of the tunnel I’m fighting for. Everything is uncertain. I feel alone through all of it. 

6:32 PM

Time for more shameful documentation of my actual insanity. Neck hurts, tummy rumbles, I get scared for no reason. I submitted for a bit and napped while balled up in my hoodie in my chair. Woke up, took my temperature, it’s totally normal. I gotta remember it’s basically impossible to be sick, so stop thinking about it. Being healthy is normal, the evidence is all around me. AND I can still feel healthy and feel like shit. My neck still hurts and the nap made it worse. Sure I don’t feel perfectly great but I feel okay and thats normal behavior. No matter how I feel, realistically nothing terrible will happen in the near future. I will NOT get sick, and the storms will likely be weak. Its not the end of my life. All this will be over soon and things will go back to normal. 

My friends don’t hate me, their behavior proves otherwise. Someone that doesn’t want to be around me wouldn’t willingly be around me. 

I’m not a bad person, I’m just in a bad mood. I’ll probably feel better tomorrow. 

6:57 PM

Pretend no storms are gonna happen. Then what? Then Im just dealing with the usual and trying not to get too bored. It would be comforting not having to put up with even more stuff I cant control. I bet there wont even be any windy storms, theres barely been any word of their severity. Im worrying for nothing. Ill probably feel silly when its all over just like last time. 

Ive been deep in the anxiety. I don’t even know what I want. Who do I want to be and what do I want to do. I dont know, I just know I want to feel better. But then what? I’ll just be bored and go back to worrying because it’s the easiest thing to feel. 

I guess who I want to be right now is the guy that would look forward to drinking on a Friday night with literally anyone. And then doing something productive and creative when social time is over. I’d eat a lovely drunk dinner and go to bed. Im not sure if I can achieve that right now but its an idea to keep in mind at least. 

7:42 PM

Who even am I anymore. My fear has been ruling my life for weeks now. I’m not me, I’m a cocoon covered in my stupid problems. I’m not the guy that gets his work done and stands as a pillar on his own anymore. I’m a loser. I feel like every day I lose a little more personality. The dynamics with ALL my friends has changed and it’s all my fault. I HAVE to figure this shit out, I don’t want to slip any further. I miss what I used to be, I felt much more confident. Right now I feel confused as to why anyone bothers to be my friend. Or like the only reason anyone likes me is if I draw for them or something. I used to be more fun and do more things. These days I stick to whats comfortable because I’m afraid of slipping into a panic. 

9:26 PM

Still neck deep in this crisis. There’s so much to untangle I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I’ll rant about it later. Right now my eyes hurt and I need to be eating something. 

I’m all alone and no one is thinking about me. I’ve got no one but myself right now.

11:44 PM

I’ll try my best to not overthink things tomorrow and take the day as it comes. I’ll try to stay disciplined and act in ways that foster the kind of way I want to behave. 

There are so many problems to tackle, its best to do them one at a time. If I conquer my anxiety for a little bit and start to feel worthless or something, then so be it. Eliminated my anxiety is my first goal. Other things can come later. I think the biggest thing is acceptance. Acceptance that my fears COULD happen, but are not destined. Some things will always be out of my control, but others will stay in my control. I can only do what I’m able. 

12:05 PM

I think I’ve had my emotional time. I’ve kinda been going ham letting things spill out everywhere but it’s time to reign it in a little bit I think. Let it out more appropriately. I’ll try to distract myself more in the hopes that I won’t actually be DISTRACTING myself, but instead actually doing things that bring me meaning. 

#journal

[kshira]

tokrev boys leaving cute little voicemails 🥺🥺🥺

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐋

+ mikey, baji, kazutora, ran, rindou, sanzu

tw: fem!reader, slight cursing, slightly suggestive? drinking mentioned(for baji) straight up fluff and super sweet boys <3

# 𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐘

“hey angel, you’re probably asleep right now or binging one of your shows, heh. i know i always complain when you make me watch them with you but i’d be lying if i didn’t enjoy how happy it makes you. speaking of happiness, you make me happy, i’d love nothing more right now than to crawl in the bed behind you, wrap my arms around your waist and hold you so close to me while i kiss those pretty warm cheeks until you wake up and kick me out of the bed. i’m not sure when i’ll be home but i had some spare time and you deserve more than this voicemail but it’ll do for now, my spoiled girl. but anyways, i love you—don’t ever forget that.”

# 𝐁𝐀𝐉𝐈

“hey pretty, i’m really drunk right now and the walls feel like they’re melting but holy fucking shit i love you. me and chifuyu went out drinking but all i could think about was you and how much i miss my pretty girl. and your lips, oh god—they’re so pretty when they’re wrapped around my—wait, i’m supposed to be sweet right now, haha. i’m on a smoke break and i know how much you keep telling me to stop, i promise i’m trying cause i wanna be with you until we’re old and have a bunch of babies that look exactly like you but act just like me. shit—i’m gettin’ teary eyed thinkin’ about it—anyways princess, my love, the reason i wake up everyday—i love you, gonna come straight home and kiss you so much; have i told you i really miss your lips?”

# 𝐊𝐀𝐙𝐔𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐀

“do you believe in love at first sight? or is that kinda cliche to ask you—well actually i’m telling you because you’re asleep right now or just ignoring my phone call. i remember when we had our first date and you couldn’t stop staring at my eyes instead of the big fucking tattoo on my neck, or when people would glare at me you just held my hand a little bit tighter. whatever the fuck im trying to say is im in love with you, been like this ever since i met you and shit—i wouldn’t have it any other way. i regret so much in my life and what i have to suffer through is nobody’s problem but my own yet with you—i feel so safe, so fucking loved and is it too cliche now to ask you to be mine over the phone?”

# 𝐑𝐀𝐍

“now don’t get your hopes up, this isn’t my normal voicemails where you know—heh. i’ll leave that for when i get home pretty, you’ll really be begging to know all about it. we’ve been together a long time—what? almost five years? i remember you were the first one to see me with my hair cut short and embarrassingly enough the one to also hold me as i cried my eyes out about it. people say that you get tired of one another but that’s honestly the exact opposite with you. i always want to learn more about you even though i know everything including how much you hate listening to my alarm in the morning or the extra eight kisses you need before i can even leave. i am so madly in love with you that the mere thought of losing you makes my chest hurt, you got me angel, the ran haitani is at your beckon call until you get tired of me—which i hope is never because i know those other voicemails i do send you are pretty fucking nice.”

# 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐔

“ignore that i’ve called you like five times already, i forgot you go to sleep early when i’m not there, i sure keep you up, don’t i baby? haha i’m sure that’s gonna make you all flustered and cute when you listen to this. but i called to tell you how much you mean to me, how much i love you—what you do to make me feel so alive when all i’m ever doing is dealing with death. i’ve never loved anyone before and shit—i’m scared you’ll be gone one day. can you imagine? me? being able to wake up all by myself without you there? as soon as i get to work i’m so fucking exicted to get off because i’ll be coming home and know you’ll be there—my pretty girl and all mine. i lied earlier actually, i’ve called you way more than five, and i’ll keep calling you leaving voicemails telling you in each one why i love you. got me being all cheesy and shit but you deserve it baby, deserve all of me.”

# 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐙𝐔

“this bed is so cold without you—sorry for the morning voice, i just woke up and forgot you had work early so i whined into the void for thirty minutes till i realized my princess wasn’t here. when are you gonna be back? mm, you know i get so needy and restless without you here. i’ve got so used to having you in my arms when i get up that i finally came to the realization i can’t live without you. and i just so happen to be hopelessly in love with you and i demand for you to get home as soon as possible. people wouldn’t know what to do finding out i’m so weak for you. i'm probably gonna go back to sleep soon—maybe dream about what other things we do when i wake you up for your attention. mh, i love you pretty girl—you’ll never know how much you mean to me.”

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyorev x reader #tokrev x reader #mikey x reader #kazutora x reader #baji x reader #ran x reader #rindou x reader #sanzu x reader #mikey fluff #kazutora fluff #baji fluff #ran fluff #rindou fluff #sanzu fluff

[adoringhaikyuu]

you’re horny on your period 

characters: aone + atsumu + kageyama + kenma + (gn!reader) 

request: hey babes, can i request hq boys (of ur choice, but with tsumu on it pls) with a fem s/o whos on her period and very horny? lol, if ur uncomfortable with it i'll totally understand • by anonymous

warnings: horny tings, suggestive tings, period sex mentions but nothing actually happens <3

notes: everyone is 18+ in this !! the reader has their period obviously but there are no pronouns used so technically it’s gn :) i actually rly like this one!

aone 

you tried to get over it, but it was no use

it’d been an hour and you were still needy, an unsatisfied ache in the pit of your stomach and between your legs, not just because of your cramps

you were debating telling aone because you didn’t to bother him and period sex could be messy and some might even say gross

but of course, like the observant boyfriend he is, he noticed something was bothering you

aone walked into your bedroom, immediately sensing your discomfort. he stopped in front of the bed where you were sitting. his voice was gentle, despite his serious exterior but you could tell he was worried. “cramps?” 

you paused, deciding to speak before you changed your mind. “yeah, but that’s not really what’s bothering me...” 

he raised his brows, silently asking you to explain so he could help you.

“i...” you rubbed your thighs together, shuffling on the bed nervously as you focused your eyes on the sheets rather than his curious eyes. “i’m just feeling kind of needy?”

he stayed standing, “oh...would you like me to help?”

“yes–no?” you looked up to see him tilting his head at you, confused. “i just know some people find it gross and it can be messy, you know? don’t wanna be a bother.” 

“your issue is the mess?” 

you nodded and he hummed before leaving without another word. you sunk down a bit. you were fully prepared for it to go either way, but the rejection still kinda hurt a bit. you were about to go to the shower to take care of yourself when aone came back into the room, a towel and wipes in his hand. 

you looked up at him shocked, “what––”

he put the towel down and set the wipes aside, “for the mess.”

you immediately got up and pulled him in for a kiss, making his eyes widen slightly before he gave in, holding you by the waist. you mumbled against his lips, “i love you so much.” when you pulled away, you noticed the light blush and subtle smile on his face.

he licked his lips. “i love you too.” 

atsumu

normally when you were on your period, you wouldn’t let tsumu touch you tbh

period sex was a hassle

and normally you could control yourself or just take care of yourself on your own time in the shower or while he was out

but today for some reason, you needed him 

well you knew the reason actually––

as soon as atsumu came home, drenched in sweat from the gym, his grey tank top practically glued to his torso. you could see his neck shining and even his hair was wet, which you saw once he took off his cap. 

he set things down and immediately ran over to you on the couch to give you a quick kiss. “hey babe,” he grinned and stood up straight, stretching his arms behind his head, which wasn’t helping you at all. “damn that workout was intense, i’m beat. i’m gonna head to the shower, okay? then we can cuddle.” 

you opened your mouth but didn’t say anything, nodding instead. he smiled and headed towards the bathroom but he only made it about three steps before you stopped him with a call of his name, the sight of his back only furthering the feelings you had.

he turned back, “yeah?” 

you paused, “i um...” you sighed, “i need you.”

you could see a smile forming it’s way onto his face slowly, not wanting to get his hopes up too soon. he always wanted to help you out on your period but you’d never let him. 

“like need me need me?” 

you nodded “but we’ll only do it in the shower!” 

the smile finally burst on in his face. he made his way over to you again and planted a big kiss on your lips, groaning happily when you moaned lightly. 

“on second thought another workout doesn’t sound too bad.” he winked and smiled cheekily before throwing you over his shoulder and running to the bathroom, ignoring your yelp. 

“what got you so worked up anyway?” he asked casually, stepping into the bathroom. 

he set you down and you looked up at him sheepishly, “you...”

he grinned smugly, his hands reaching for your shirt. “oh i am so blowing your back out–”

kageyama

you tried to ignore what you were feeling, not wanting to ruin the moment since you and kageyama loved to do this every week

have a movie night and just relax

and you now he’d been working really hard lately so he deserved some rest

but you had a problem

you kept fidgeting in your seat next to him, trying to either relieve yourself slightly or make it go away, you weren’t too sure

and to be honest you weren’t really paying attention to it and kageyama could tell

after twenty minutes or so into the movie, he asked you what was wrong but you waved him off, assuring him it was nothing

but you couldn’t help but focus on him, the sharp cut of his jawline, the curve of his lips

then he put his hand on your thigh and you got to thinking of the feeling of his hands on you

and that sent you down a tunnel of unholy thoughts

kageyama felt your fingertips tracing the veins in his hands and tried to ignore it at first, keeping his eyes trained on the tv. but when you let your fingers trail up along his arm as well, his hand subconsciously squeezed your thigh and his eyes widened when you let out a quiet moan.

you both paused and kageyama turned his head slowly, eyes wide and looked at you, his lips parted. “are you–” he swallowed, trying to calm himself down. “okay?” 

you looked over at him, trying to act innocent. “mhm. just tickled, that’s all.” 

he nodded and turned back to the screen, and you tried to as well, but you kept glancing back at him, debating with yourself about whether or not you should say something. you didn’t want to be selfish and disrupt the movie, but you also couldn’t ignore what you were feeling, it was too intense. 

it lasted about five minutes before he looked at you from the corner of his eye. “you know i can see you watching me, right?” 

you felt your cheeks heat up and you huffed. “i’m sorry i just...” he turned to face you fully, curious and a bit concerned. his hand trailed up to your inner thigh, completely innocently and that’s when you decided you couldn’t hide it anymore. 

“i’m horny tobio.” 

his eyes brightened and he stuttered for a bit, “o–oh. well––do you want me to help?” he started to move closer but you looked to the side and he stopped. 

“it’s just––i’m on my period.” when he didn’t say anything for a few seconds you looked back to find him staring at you blankly.

he tilted his head and looked from side to side. “and?” 

you opened your mouth and closed it. “well...i’m, you know...bleeding...doesn’t that bother you? it’ll take more like effort and i know you’re tired––”

he cut you off, placing a hand under your chin, a shy smile on his face. “i don’t care about that. plus wouldn’t it help with your cramps?” 

you nodded, “well, only if you make me cum.” 

his brows furrowed, offended. “i always make you!” 

“yeah you do.” you laughed, taking his hand in yours, making him smile at you. “but are you sure you want to do this now? it might get messy.”

he leaned in and kissed your cheek before pulling back to look at you earnestly, his eyes a shade darker. “i don’t care.” he kissed you on the lips, “all i care about,” his hand tilted your head and pulled you closer, whispering against your lips. “is making you feel better.” 

kenma

kenma could tell something was off about you

he knew you were on your period but there was something else that he couldn’t figure out

he was waiting for you to tell him but you never did

the thing is, you’d just moved in together a few months ago and while you’ve had a couple periods in the same house 

(which he’s totally normal about) 

you haven’t done anything while you were on your period

normally you’d take care of yourself, but you felt a little self conscious about doing it in your shared house for some reason 

and kenma like never left the house

sure, he had his headphones on a lot but still––

so you were a little tense and though you thought he was distracted, he definitely noticed

kenma stepped into your room and you smiled up at him before going back to your phone, thinking he was switching from the ps4 to the pc set up in your bedroom. but he didn’t, he came and stood next to your side of the bed, making you look up at him in surprise. 

“oh hey ken,” you sat up, your legs pressed tightly together. “what’s up?”

he looked at you for a moment before speaking up. “nothing...what’s wrong with you?”

your brows furrowed, “what do you mean?”

he sighed. “i can tell something’s wrong...” he looked down, a bit shy. “i was waiting for you to come to me about it but you never did. was it something i did?”

your eyes widened, he’d noticed? “no––no you didn’t do anything wrong babe.”

“oh.” he nodded, crouching down beside you, resting his chin on the mattress. “then what is it? i can tell it’s not nothing.” 

you swallowed and set your phone down before looking down at him. “i just...” you sighed, “i’m kind of worked up...and i was too nervous to do something about it.” 

his eyes widened this time. “oh––”

you looked away. “yeah.” 

“well you don’t have to be nervous about that.” he stood up, a small smile on his face. “that’s perfectly fine.” 

you looked up at him, “oh, really?”

he nodded, “of course.”

you smiled, “oh thank you. so how long are you staying out for?”

his brows furrowed, “what? why would i leave the house––”

“wait you wanna stay?––” you paused, “well can you at least put your headphones on and close the bedroom door on your way out?” 

he blinked at you. “how can i help you if i’m not in the room?” 

you blinked back. “you want to help me?” 

he blushed and nodded sheepishly, “yeah...why wouldn’t i?” 

you stuttered a bit, “well i just––you know i’m bleeding, that could get messy...” 

he paused and glanced around the room seemingly in thought, and you figured that he was rethinking the whole situation until he spoke up again. “well i want you to be comfortable and the shower isn’t the best place for that...so how about i just get a towel to put here instead?” 

you stared at him for a few seconds, “each day i fall more and more in love with you.” 

he blushed even deeper and tried to hide his smile as he turned around, “shut up––i’m going to get the towel.” 

#aone #aone x reader #aone smut #aone fluff #aone headcanon #atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu smut #atsumu headcanon #atsumu fluff #kageyama #kageyama x reader #kageyama smut #kageyama headcanon #kageyama fluff #kenma #kenma x reader #kenma smut #kenma fluff #kenma headcanon

[bunnypig18]

HiI have a request,Paring, : Minho X ChanAU: IDOL AU STRAYkids genre:: Fluff/ small angst/ hurt/comfort1. Minho is Really stressed…. Really very stressed. Chan and SKZ are extremely worried, but Chan is especially. He never told anyone but he actually had a crush on Minho. Anyway Minho is stressed . And Chan tried to comfort him and somewhere in the middle of it they confess, and Then they do the dirty, ;) Chan tops, and shows Minho just how precious Minho is to him. Happy ending with softness �

My Sun, My Moon And My Stars

(Title with the AO3 link) Relationship: Bang Chan/Lee Minho Rating: Explicit Length: 12k Summary: Minho is struggling emotionally during comeback preparations. Chan wants to help, but doesn't know how to. He's also hopelessly in love with Minho.

Aka 12k of MinChan being an emotional mess

A/N: I just love this request and I'm so so so happy to get this, cause it's my first request! Like thank you so much!!! It was so much fun to write!! So when I said it would take me a week, I lied. Cause first of all, I thought it would take me so long because I'm a slow writer, and second because it didn't take me a week. So I immediately started writing when I got this and err, basically, I went kinda crazy with this. It got completely out of hand, turned out longer than I first expected. I hope it's what you had in mind, I really hope you like this, anon!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out of all the members, Minho had always been the best at keeping it together. Chan admired him for that. He admired Minho for a lot of things, actually, but his thick skin was certainly on the top of the list. It’s what Chan needed, what the group needed, because their leader was barely keeping it together on his own. Minho’s calm presence was the solid rock he clung to when the waves threatened to take him away.

So he noticed when Minho slipped away from him. No, not just noticed. Chan was hyper aware of his friend sinking deeper and deeper. It’s just that he couldn’t tell where he was going, how to keep him afloat. How did one go about saving a man from drowning when he didn’t want to be saved?

“I’m okay.”

Always the same words. Like a broken record, Minho refused to say anything else. Worst of all, Chan understood, he knew how difficult it was to talk about one’s problems. Especially in their position. Chan was the leader, already burdened with the weight of the world, and Minho was supposed to be at his side, ready to hold it with him, if needed. But how could Minho help when he was barely staying on his feet himself?

Chan sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He blinked through the exhaustion settling in his bones, blurring his vision. There was just one more track he had to work on. Just a few more hours and he would be done for today. 3 am was a perfectly reasonable time to keep working.

“No, it’s not, hyung. Please go home.”

Like a dream, Minho’s voice echoed in the back of his mind. Chan closed his eyes and let the familiar words play in his mind over and over again. It was comforting, really, soothing the heat crawling under his skin, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to see Minho, or at least hear his voice for real.

Another sigh and Chan pushed himself to his feet. Calling Minho wasn’t an option, unfortunately, not when he was stressed, on the edge of a breakdown. Which he very much was, no matter how much he denied it. Minho wasn’t okay and Chan had no idea how to help him.

He needed something to drink. His throat was dry, tightening with every intake of breath. Chan groaned and rolled his shoulders and head, neck and spine cracking. How long had he been sitting at his computer again, not moving an inch? Normally, Minho would have called him at least 3 times by now to remind him to move. Chan really needed to hear his voice again.

But first, a drink.

He threw on his jacket and left the studio. The familiar silence of 3 in the morning welcomed him as he strolled down the hallway. Sometimes it did feel like he was the only survivor of an apocalypse, but mostly, Chan enjoyed the solitude. Even his mind found rest. Nothing but the buzzing of the lights and his footsteps.

The faint beat of music caught his attention. Chan looked around, squinting. Light flooded into the dark hallway from one of the practice rooms, the music growing louder as he approached, growing familiar as well. Normally, he wouldn’t pay a thought to other idols occupying the space this late at night. Chan wasn’t the only insomniac, but the song playing was one he wrote.

He peeked through the window and his heart skipped a beat. Was he so sleep deprived at this point, that he was hallucinating? Chan shook his head. It couldn’t be, but his curiosity, and that nagging need deep in his chest, had him reach for the handle and open the door.

It slipped open almost completely quietly, enough that Minho didn’t hear it over the music. Chan stepped into the room and closed the door behind him again. He leaned against it, eyes wandering around the room, finding Minho’s bag and jacket on the couch, a water bottle near the stereo, and then settling on the man himself.

Chan took a deep breath, every hair in his neck standing up, heart beating right out his chest. No matter how many times Chan saw Minho dancing, it never failed to amaze him. Entrance him, even. Every step and flex of his thighs, the way his arms moved as smooth as a gentle wave, the firm expression of drawn together eyebrows and half open mouth. Like a siren song, Minho had a hold on Chan that he couldn’t explain.

The music drew into its last notes and Minho came to a halt. He closed his eyes, gasping and coughing, hands finding their place on his knees. Chan frowned, lips pressing thin. Sweat dripped on Minho’s forehead, damping the edge of his hair. A deep flush painted every bit of exposed skin, from his face down his neck, his arms and trembling hands. He swayed a little and Chan twitched, taking a step forward. His shoes squeaked on the floor.

Minho tensed up and he slowly opened his eyes. They found Chan’s through the mirror, expression softening at the edges for a moment, but the spell was broken too soon. Minho looked away and straightened his back, rolling his shoulders as he turned around. He reached for his water bottle, gaze fixed on the wall.

“Hey, Minho.”

“Hey, hyung.”

Chan frowned. God, Minho sounded tired. So incredibly fucking tired.

“What are you doing here so late?” Chan stepped closer, earning a side eye from Minho.

“Practicing. Obviously.”

“Obviously.”

Chan stopped mere inches away from Minho. Their eyes met properly for the first time in way too long. Chan hadn’t even fully realized how much Minho had been avoiding him until now. His heart broke at the sight of dark bags and empty pupils. Not a glint of mischief or excitement or even a hint that he was glad to see Chan.

“Minho.”

Minho sighed and shook his head.

“You should go home and sleep. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Really?” Minho’s eyes tightened into slits. “I have to hear that from you? How long have you been spending locked in your studio today? Probably not moving without me telling you to. Did you even eat? Had something to drink?”

Chan’s guts twisted hot and tight, chest straining. For a second, his eyes flicked downward, but he met Minho’s gaze again and nodded.

“I did. I was on my way to get a new drink.”

Minho scoffed. “Then go. I need to practice.”

“You don’t need to. Of all people, you’re the last person who needs to work extra hours-”

“Shut up!”

Chan’s eyes widened, so did Minho’s. His throat bopped and he blinked a few times, something akin to guilt fleeting across his face, but it was gone as quick as it came and Minho’s expression darkened again. Chan was frozen in place, throat tied up. A painful strain clawed the inside of his chest and he took a step back. Minho’s frown crumbled, eyes twitching as they watched Chan from the corner, mouth falling open a little.

“I just…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.”

Minho shook his head. “I need to practice. This choreo needs to be perfect.”

“Okay. Yeah.” Chan made a chewing motion with his mouth, nose scrunching up. “I give you another hour and then we go home together.”

“Fine. At least get me a drink too.”

“Of course.”

So much more lingered on Chan’s tongue, but he knew Minho didn’t want to hear any of it. He couldn’t blame him. No, Chan wasn’t mad. Of course he wasn’t. He understood Minho’s anger and how he was pushing back. He understood why he yelled at him. Not that it hurt any less, but he understood.

Chan stared at the vending machine, watching the bottle slowly dip over the edge. He flinched as it dropped and he couldn’t help, but laugh. Minho was right. Who was he to tell anyone not to stay up late or overwork themselves? If only he could, Chan would completely change his life just to be able to take better care of Minho, but they were both a fucking mess.

Chan sighed. At least he got Minho to agree to go home together. He prayed that they would be able to sleep, that Minho gets rest, that maybe he will talk to Chan-

He inhaled deeply, releasing into a shaky breath. If only Minho would talk to anyone. Maybe he would listen to Changbin, maybe Jisung. Just anyone who could pull him away from the edge he was dancing on, the edge Chan knew way too well. It was okay if Minho didn’t trust him enough to talk about his problems, but his heart wouldn’t be able to take it if Minho fell.

He already couldn’t take seeing Minho exhausted like that.

Chan returned to the practice room with both their favorite drinks and some candy bars for good measure. They both needed some energy. Especially Minho, who was already back to dancing when Chan stepped inside. They locked eyes in the mirror and Chan flashed him a smile. The corners of Minho’s mouth quirked up, but he quickly averted his gaze again and fell back into his focused rhythm.

Chan placed both bottles next to Minho’s water and then sat down on the floor, legs crossed and back leaned against the cupboard. He knew if he went back to the studio, he would forget about anything but work and getting Minho into bed was much more important. A few months ago, this kind of thought would have surprised him. No matter how much he loved his members and wished they would always be his top priority, his workaholic tendencies took over way too often.

But now it was always about Minho. It’s why he managed to get Chan out of his work focus with a simple call and some teasing, but caring words. He would give up everything if Minho asked him to. All because Chan was hopelessly in love with him.

“Hyung.”

A hand squeezed around Chan’s shoulder, cold even through the layers of clothes. He shifted and mumbled under his breath, brain slowly catching up. The hand wandered a little higher, icy fingers tapping along his neck had him shuddering. He blinked his eyes open and squinted against the lights and Minho’s blinding smile.

Small and soft and yet so much brighter than the sun.

Chan smiled as well and stretched his limbs. He groaned, rubbing a hand on his protesting neck. If he had known he would fall asleep, he would have settled on the couch instead on the floor against the cupboard. He didn’t even remember falling asleep. All there was, were the images of Minho dancing, moving with the grace of a swan, the occasional exchange of a glance.

“What time is it?” Chan asked, rubbing his eyes.

“4 am. One hour, just like we said.”

Chan huffed fondly. With some help from Minho, he got up and stretched his whole body. Bones cracked and snapped back into place. He really did regret not sitting on the couch, but a hand on his biceps washed away any worry, any bit of pain, and he met Minho’s tired eyes.

“How are you feeling?”

Minho shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t walk.”

Only then did Chan notice the way Minho swayed, legs trembling heavily underneath him, fingers gripping tight on the leader’s arm. Chan pursed his lips and without much thought, turned around and crouched a little, holding out his arms behind his back. Through the mirrors, he saw Minho blinking, eyes big.

“Let me carry you.”

“What? N-no. I-” Minho licked his lips, eyes flicking back and forth between Chan’s back and the mirror, where their eyes met. “I’m good.”

Chan chuckled. All kinds of compliments buzzed on his tongue, but he swallowed them whole. Calling Minho cute wasn’t going to make him any more cooperative, but Chan was for sure storing the image of a flustered Minho in his mind.

“You’re not. Just let me carry you, please?”

Minho drew his eyebrows together, lips pressing thin. The protest was written all over his face and Chan was so close to just carrying Minho bridal style, but thankfully, Minho gave in and climbed on his back.

“Comfortable?”

Minho nodded. “Yeah.”

They gathered their stuff. Chan noticed that the bottle he bought for Minho was already almost empty. Minho called for a ride home, telling a staff member on the way to please turn off the computer in Chan’s room, and then they settled in the soft leather seats of one of the company cars. Neither talked, but Minho allowed Chan to take his hand and entangle their fingers.

Cold palm. Cold fingertips. All so cold against Chan’s skin, but no matter how much it made him shiver, he would have held that hand forever if given the chance. He squeezed around it and Minho huffed softly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Chan was certainly disappointed when the car stopped and they had to let go, but as soon as they were out and the car was driving away again, he felt cold fingertips against his palm. He smiled and pressed their hands back together. Like that, they walked into the building and into the elevator. There, Chan hesitated, finger hovering over the button to the floor of Minho’s dorm.

Minho looked at him, cheeks flushed, but Chan was sure it wasn’t because of the dance practice anymore.

“Hyung…”

“Yeah?”

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Chan’s eyes widened, his own cheeks flaming hot.

“You know…” Minho tugs a strand of hair behind his ear, “I want to sleep with you.”

All rational thought said goodbye at those words and Chan choked on his own spit. Surprise fleeted across Minho’s face, quickly replaced with a grin as he started laughing.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, hyung! I mean, I want to sleep in your bed.”

“Right. Yeah. Of course. I mean, yes. Sure. Cool. That’s cool. Yeah.”

Chan was close to slapping himself, but Minho squeezed his hand and he melted with the touch. How was this real? Them holding hands, Minho making jokes about sleeping together, that soft smile playing on his perfect lips. Chan was sure he was still in the practice room, asleep and dreaming. If it was, he wished to sleep longer, to fall into a coma so he could dream as much as he wanted.

Minho reached past him and pressed the button. Chan blinked out of his trance, the next moment hyper aware of how close Minho was suddenly standing next to him. Their shoulders and biceps touched, so warm and gentle. The smell of sweat and vanilla played around Chan’s nose, so familiar, suffocating him. His breaths came out stuttered and he was sure his hands were trembling, but Minho still held onto him, staring at the elevator mirror.

Watching Chan. He was definitely watching Chan and Chan stared back.

It felt like a whole lifetime before the doors opened. They stepped into the hallway, still holding hands, shoulders bumping against each other. Chan was walking on auto-pilot, only able to focus on Minho’s palm against his and Minho’s soft little hums and Minho, Minho, Minho.

“Hyung.”

Chan twitched and looked at Minho. He hadn’t even noticed that they had stopped walking, the door to his dorm right in front of them.

“I forgot the spare keys. Could you…”

“Ah! Yes! Right!”

Chan shook his head a little and let go of Minho’s hand without thinking, immediately missing the contact, but he needed both hands free to get his keys out and the door open.

They slipped inside as quietly as possible. Minho turned on the lights, their buzzing breaking the complete silence wrapping heavy around the dorm. They left their shoes at the front and walked over to the bathroom. They got inside together, only realizing what they were doing when the door was already closed.

“I…” Minho glanced over at the shower.

“Ah. Yeah. Let me just…”

“No, it’s…”

“No no, I go, you should…”

Their eyes met and both laughed.

“I’ll take a shower. I’m so sweaty, but, you know, if you need to take one too…”

“I kinda do.”

“We can take one together.”

Chan froze. Yes, he was definitely still dreaming. No way this was real, no way Minho actually just said that. Has Chan died? Was this heaven or hell? Maybe it was a prank, a joke, maybe there were hidden cameras somewhere.

“Hyung, we don’t have to.”

“What?” Chan looked back at Minho.

“I just thought it would be quicker. Also less noise that could wake the others. Plus I kinda don’t trust my legs right now to hold me up and I really don’t want to be found dead naked and soaped up in the shower.”

Maybe Chan was going insane. That was also a possibility.

“You really…mean it?”

Minho responded by taking off his shirt. So quick and unceremoniously and so sexy. Chan’s mouth dried up immediately and he looked away, anywhere but Minho’s exposed body. His mind was going too fast, thoughts rolling back and forth like marbles and he couldn’t catch a single one. Not when Minho was undressing next to him and both their clothes mixed in a pile between them.

Minho was the first to step into the shower and Chan dared to look. He choked at the sight, the sound luckily drowned out by the water Minho had turned on.

He really was beautiful. Perfect skin, stretching smooth and golden over his lithe body, a subtle hint of muscles painting the edges. Chan didn’t even dare to look lower than halfway down his back as he stepped into the shower as well, way too close to Minho. There was just enough room in the shower that they didn’t touch, but close enough to feel the radiating heat and imagine how Chan would so perfectly fit against Minho’s back-

A soft sigh spilled from Minho’s lips. Chan took a deep breath.

“Minho-”

“Can you wash my hair, hyung?”

Minho held out the shampoo bottle over his shoulder, eyes fixed on the curtain. Chan was sure if he wasn’t already dead, he was going to have the embarrassing shower death Minho was so afraid of.

“Yeah.”

His voice was barely a whisper, but Minho hummed in satisfaction. Chan took the bottle and blindly squirted some of it over his palm, because if he looked down, he was sure his eyes were going to travel places he really shouldn’t look at.

He reached over Minho’s shoulder and placed the bottle back in its place, then lifted his hands to the damp mess of caramel hair. Chan watched closely as he slipped his fingers inside. A warm tingle rushed up his arms, burning under his skin and into his flesh, right down to his bone. Minho’s hair was soft and perfect, not a single knot as he practically massaged Minho’s scalp.

“Feels good, hyung…”

Chan shuddered, heart threatening to beat right out his chest.

“I haven’t felt this relaxed in weeks.”

Relief flooded Chan’s insides. Finally. Oh god, finally he was helping Minho. It was certainly not how he imagined this, but maybe this was exactly what Minho needed. This vulnerability of being naked, the trust of letting Chan touch him, this connection, this moment of quietness, of just them.

“I’m glad.”

Minho nodded and his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“You haven’t yelled at anyone yet and you have been exhausted for far longer.”

Chan chuckled, soapy hands dropping down on Minho’s shoulders. He continued his massage there while Minho dipped his head under the water. It all felt so intimate, and yet so easy, like they have done this a million times before. It also felt so incredibly right. How things should be. How it should have been for a long time.

Chan swallowed the urge to kiss Minho’s neck and pulled his hands away.

“I yelled at Changbin once.”

Minho glanced over his shoulder, fingers pushing back his wet hair to reveal wide, blinking eyes. His mouth was hanging open, lips plush and pink and inviting. A red hue had spread under his skin and Chan’s mind was reeling with so much need and want and desire, the tips of his fingers tingling, every nerve taut as a bow.

“Yeah,” he said, barely able to find his words. “A year ago or so? I felt so terrible, I actually cried while apologizing to him.”

Minho scoffed fondly, shaking his head. “Of course you did.”

Chan chuckled. “We hugged for a solid hour on the studio couch and then I bought him some food.”

“Mh sounds nice. Maybe I should cry a little as well. Will you hug me too?”

A smirk curled Minho’s lips, that smirk full of mischief and tease that always reminded Chan of the cheshire cat from Alice in wonderland. It was one of the things he adored about Minho, alongside a thousand more. An endless list of reasons why Chan fell in love.

“Maybe.” Chan ignored the way his voice cracked. “Will you buy me food then?”

Minho hummed thoughtfully. “Only if I get to choose the place.”

“Deal.”

They both smiled. Chan was only so much more sure of his feelings and somewhere underneath the happiness, he wondered how he could possibly survive his soaring heart and the tears stinging at the edge of his eyes.

Was he selfish for wanting to kiss Minho? For wanting to be the reason Minho felt better, less stressed? The reason Minho smiled? To be everything Minho needs to find happiness?

Minho washed up his body and then stepped out of the shower, leaving Chan to tend to himself all alone. Though he did stay in the bathroom, taking the time to brush his teeth and steal Jisung’s products to care for his face. They kept talking through the shower curtain about anything they could think of. Anything, but the comeback, really. Mostly about Minho’s cats and recipes he was planning to try out.

With just towels around their waist, because neither wanted to put their old clothes back on, they sneaked their way into Chan’s room. Not that they needed to sneak. It was still as silent as a church, but there was an unspoken agreement between them that they really didn’t want to answer any questions.

Chan gave Minho some of his clothes and yes, he did regret that idea. They weren’t exactly bigger on Minho, but a little wider. A clear difference between Chan’s broad shoulders and solid muscles and Minho’s slender dancer figure. It was a minimal difference, but one that infested Chan’s mind the moment he noticed.

“So…” Minho walked over to the bed, clearly tense.

“Yeah, err…” Chan stepped beside him. “Do you need a second blanket?”

Minho shook his head. “I don’t need any blanket if I cuddle you.”

Chan chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. His cheeks warmed and he wished he could leave his body behind, ascend into another plane of existence, because Minho climbed onto his bed, sprawled out and beckoned him closer.

Chan swallowed, slowly following. Minho’s hand found its place on his biceps and he was quite eagerly tugged into the mattress, pressed on his back. A small smile curled Minho’s lips and he rolled onto his side, slotting perfectly against Chan’s side, head on his shoulder, arm on his chest and a leg stretched over his waist.

They really did fit together like puzzle pieces.

Chan couldn’t help himself and let his fingers ghost along Minho’s back. He could really feel the shudder chasing through the younger man, letting the sensation settle hot in his chest.

“Thank you, hyung.”

Chan hummed. “For what?”

Minho smacked him square across the chest, pushing a wheeze from his throat.

“You know what, don’t make me say it.”

Chan couldn’t help a little smirk. “No, I have no idea what.”

“Do I have to hit you again?”

“You’re so cute! Lee Know is so cute!” Chan threw his other arm around Minho and pulled him closer, shaking them a little in the process. “The absolute cutest! Everyone needs to know!”

“Hyung!”

Giggling, Chan buried his nose in Minho’s hair, inhaling deeply. Underneath the heavy scent of coconut, there was something so distinctive, something so Minho. He wanted to drown in it, let it consume him, make him fly and fall all at the same time.

“Come on, Minho! Tell hyung what you’re thankful for.”

“I hate you.”

Chan pulled back again, just enough to meet Minho’s eyes. He opened his mouth to say more, but the witty comeback died on his tongue at the realization of how close they were, noses almost touching. Chan inhaled sharply and Minho’s own breath ghosted along his lips.

“I hate you, hyung…” Minho whispered.

“You don’t.”

“No, but I wish I did. I really didn’t want your help, but you’re just so…” Minho’s fingers twisted around the fabric of Chan’s shirt, right under his armpit.

“So what?”

“So annoyingly sweet.”

Chan smiled. “There are worse things I can be.”

“Like a workaholic insomniac?"

Chuckling low and soft, Chan pressed the tips of their noses together. Minho blinked once, twice, but leaned into the touch. Their eyes searched for millions of answers in each other, all to questions unspoken, and already forgotten. They didn't matter. Not to Chan, who found the entire universe in Minho's eyes. From the sun to the moon, all stars sprinkled to make the deep brown sparkle around wide blown pupils. Chan explored the whole milky way and beyond, losing himself in the endless possibilities, his mind blank except for Minho.

All Minho. His equally observing gaze, his breath tickling Chan's skin, the warmth where their bodies connected, the coconut and distinct smell underneath. Every sense was attuned to Minho. It broke something so deep inside Chan.

"Worst of all, I'm in love with you."

The words fell faster than his mind could think of them. Chan stiffened, eyes growing wide. Minho mimicked the gesture. The apology already formed on Chan's tongue as he shifted, every bit of his insides screaming to run away, but a hand slipped into his hair and gripped tight. He stilled, taut as a bowstring. But Minho bumped their noses together again and closed his eyes, inhaling shakily.

"Don't. Don't ruin the moment."

"M-Minho-"

"No." He tightened his grip on Chan's hair and furrowed his eyebrows. "Don't apologize, don't take it back."

Chan swallowed. His mind was racing with too many thoughts, heart knocking against his chest. He still had his arms wrapped securely around Minho and not a single inch of him wanted to let go.

"Hyung…"

"Yeah?"

Minho's eyes fluttered open, half lidded, glazed with something Chan couldn't name. Or was afraid to name, because if he was wrong, it would mean the end of the world.

"Do you really mean it?"

Chan swallowed. There was no turning back. He couldn't have lied, even if he wanted to.

"Yes."

"Please say it again."

"I love you."

Minho sighed, so soft and content, eyes falling shut again.

He was simply beautiful. All fine lines painted with expensive brushes by the most talented hands, colors mixing in a beautiful display of a sunset. A piece of art come to life, all for Chan to observe and touch and hold. The urge to kiss burned on his lips and he wished the heat would swallow him whole, reduce him to ashes, return him to the earth they came from.

But it didn’t and every second falling away fueled the need edged into his bones. His love sprouted from the gashes and bloomed around his skeleton, filling every nook and cranny inside him. Chan couldn’t believe how much he loved Minho, but even less how he had bared his heart on a silver plate like that.

And why wasn’t Minho saying anything?

“Minho.”

Soft breathing filled the space between them, ghosting along Chan’s skin, the grip in his hair long gone. He placed a gentle hand on Minho’s shoulder and shook him a little. Minho shifted, sighing quietly, his arm finding its place around Chan’s waist. Chan dipped his head back a little as he was pulled closer and Minho sunk lower, burying his face in Chan’s chest.

Oh. Minho was asleep.

Chan closed his eyes and huffed, a pained smile tugging at his lips. They were so close, pressed flush, and Minho had a hold like a koala around Chan. It was both the best and worst thing that ever happened to him. How long he had wished to cuddle Minho, watch him fall asleep in his arms, just for it to happen right after he confessed his love and received no answer.

Maybe it really was all a dream and he would forget it all the moment he awoke in his bed all alone.

~~~~~~~

Except he woke up with a warm body clinging to him and every second of the previous night carved into his skull, forever to be remembered. Minho had to remember as well. The unanswered confession hung heavy above Chan’s head as he glanced down at the tuft of caramel, Minho’s face still pressed into his chest. He couldn’t help but run his hand through the soft hair, watching it slide away between his fingers like gold coins. So close to the treasure and yet, Chan couldn’t claim it.

He sighed and put a hand on Minho’s arm. Carefully, he pushed him off, struggling a little, but eventually wriggled himself free. Mumbled protests slipped Minho’s lips and his eyelids twitched, eyebrows drawing together. Chan smiled, almost losing himself as he watched Minho slowly wake up. A beautiful mess of ruffled hair and supple skin and open mouth.

Their eyes met and Chan pushed himself fully over the edge of his bed, practically jumping to his feet.

“Hyung…”

“I’m sorry to wake you up, but we have a busy schedule today.”

Minho groaned and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face deep in the pillow where Chan had just slept on. He really tried not to think too much about it, his heart already beating like it was about to jump out his chest.

“Can we…” Minho turned his head just enough to glance at Chan with one half open eye. “I want to stay a little longer in bed with you.”

Chan was sure something snapped inside him. His throat tightened and a hot shudder shook through him like thunder, electrifying every nerve from head to toe, all the way to the tips of fingers. There were suddenly only two logical ways. Either back into bed to kiss Minho breathlessly or out of the room to lock himself into the bathroom.

“No. We have to get ready and you have to get back to your dorm to put on new clothes.”

Chan turned on his heel, really trying to keep his steps steady and slow, but he was practically buzzing by the point he opened the door and ran the rest of the way. He even pushed aside Jisung, the guilt only settling in when the lock clicked into place.

“Sorry, Hannie! I really need to pee!” he called through the door.

“Whatever. It’s too early.”

Chan huffed, allowing himself a little smile. He took a deep breath and pushed himself forward, hands finding purchase on the sink. His expression faltered at the sight of himself, suddenly hyper aware of his trembling limbs, exhaustion snaking under his skin. Not the exhaustion he was used to though, this one seemed to bloom from deep within his heart, blocking his throat. He choked on a soft sob and squeezed his eyes shut.

Why did he do that? What was wrong with him? Confessing his love like that, burdening Minho with knowledge he never asked for. Chan was supposed to be the responsible oldest, was supposed to be there for Minho, comfort him through his anxiety. Instead, he only added to his stress by being selfish.

His whole body shuddered with the next breath, the exhale breaking into another sob. All this time, he had buried his feelings, his needs, his desires, but his heart was only so big, could only hold so much, and now everything was spilling over.

The first tears burned against skin and Chan choked again and again on quiet sobs, every inhale shaky. His whole body trembled with the strain to keep the volume down, hands gripping painfully tight around the sink. His heart splintered and Chan had no idea how to fix any of this.

A knock echoed in the bathroom, breaking his trance. Chan took a sharp breath and snapped his head up, meeting his own red eyes in the mirror.

“Hyung? Are you done?” Changbin asked.

Chan blinked once, twice, watching one more tear running down his flushed cheeks.

“Yeah.” He swallowed through the crack in his voice. “Almost done.”

“Almost? Come one! You’ve been in there for 10 minutes! We all need to get ready!”

“Sorry! Just-” Chan rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes, swallowing again. “-Just 5 more minutes.”

Changbin groaned, but walked away, the footsteps almost overturned by the blood rushing through Chan’s ears. He squeezed his eyes shut and blindly turned on the faucet. Cold. So cold. Just like Minho’s hands. He shook that thought off and drowned himself in the water gathered in his palms. Gasping, he brushed his fingers through his hair, blinking, meeting his own gaze again.

In record time, he went through everything that needed to be done and left the bathroom. He still looked tired, but not any more than usual. There was some saving grace about constantly looking like a zombie. It was just his insides that twisted and turned more than any other day. He felt like he was going to throw up when he found his bed empty, still warm with the memories of last night, of Minho.

Chan sighed and got his clothes sorted. They only had one interview, but it was so early in the morning and afterwards, they had some free time for once in weeks. He really hoped Minho was okay. He hoped they were okay, their relationship, the bond they have built up over the years. Chan didn’t want his stupid feelings to be the reason they broke apart.

But maybe it was already too late. Maybe he had fucked up like never before. Minho didn’t even spare him a glance when they got into the car. They rarely sat in the same car anyway, an unspoken rule that the two oldest should split to take care of the youngest, just like they did with the new dorms. Chan’s chest still strained as Minho rushed past him to join Seungmin, Jeongin and Hyunjin, ignoring Jisung’s question to join him, Chan and Changbin.

At least it was Felix who sat next to Chan. The bright smile and cute freckles and genuine laughter were simply too strong to resist. It was too easy to fall into a conversation with Felix, to forget about his worries, feel just a little lighter.

But nothing good lasted forever and the moment Chan spotted Minho again, it all came crashing down. He swore his heart finally broke at the sight. Minho just looked so tired, the painting defiled, colors pale and lines crooked. Chan wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms and hold him until the world fell apart around them.

He couldn’t. They had to focus on work, on the interview, but Chan never stopped watching. Every spare second, he glanced over at Minho. Each time, another piece of him scattered on the floor. Not even the make up could save the painting, a failed restoration of beauty falling apart.

Minho was looking at the floor as they made their way to their chairs. He didn’t even smile at the staff putting on the mics like he would usually do, not a single thank you, just tired eyes blinking as they stared at nothing.

Chan was sitting behind him and could spare a glance here and there without moving his head too much. He swore there were tears building along Minho’s eyelids, brown sparkling in all the wrong ways, so unlike the night before when it was the stars and the moon and an endless sense of calm in Minho’s eyes. Chan wanted to tear every bit of the night sky down with his bare hands and place it back where it belonged.

The interview dragged by at a snail pace, but eventually, they were back in the make up chairs, pampered by the noonas. Chan smiled and talked as he always did, thanking every single staff member the way he was used to, but his mind wasn’t there. He didn’t remember a single word, not from the interview, not from afterwards, only that it had happened, that he said something, that he smiled while his heart broke apart.

Chan only seemed to come back halfway into the car ride. He blinked a few times and looked around. Minho sat next to him, eyes closed and forehead pressed against the window. Jisung and Hyunjin watched them intently from the front. Everytime they glanced at Chan, there was so much expectation in their eyes, but he had no idea how to help Minho either.

He thought he knew. He was so close the night before.

They arrived at the JYP building with heavy silence suffocating them. The two youngest still stared at Chan as they walked in, the questions written all over their faces, but no words as they split apart. Hyunjin and Jisung went with Minho to the practice rooms while Chan went back to his studio.

It was always so easy to drown in work. Nothing but the music filling his mind, his fingers tapping away to bring the track to perfection. Minutes melted into hours and without a window, he couldn’t even see the sky changing, the room illuminated by artificial yellow light that never changed.

It was already late evening when Chan looked at his phone. He worked a few hours, not moving an inch from his hunched over position and he could barely move his neck. Slowly, he got to his feet and stretched himself. Bones cracked, joints snapping back into place, mind emptying for a few moments. He opened his eyes and glanced back at his phone.

3 missed calls. 13 Messages. All from Jisung, some sent two hours ago, some sent a little later.

[Quokka] Hyunjin and I are leaving Minho is staying in the practice room, says he needs to get better As if he isn’t already perfect He looked awful btw Can you like check up on him every now and then? Just to see if he’s still alive, you know Hyung Will you? Don’t ghost me D: I just trust that you will Because I know you Hyunjin says hi btw

Chan chuckled, smiling a little. It was good to see that the other members noticed Minho’s struggles too, that Chan was worried for a reason, but it also made his heart ache knowing that he was now part of the problem. He almost wanted to tell Jisung that he can’t talk Minho, that he shouldn’t, but they were already back home. Chan was the only one around and he couldn’t leave Minho alone.

In a painful deja-vu of the night before, Chan approached the dance practice rooms. Their song ‘maniac’ echoed faintly in the hallways and peeking through the door window, Chan was met with the familiar sight of Minho dancing. For just a few moments, he indulged, just watching the man he loved lose himself in his element.

Swallowing, Chan pulled away again. He needed to come with a reason, one better than just “I want to take care of you”, because surely, Minho didn’t want that anymore. Not from Chan, not after he acted so selfishly.

So he got the same drinks as before and a little snack, Minho’s favorite. A peace offering. Not much, but it was a beginning. Chan would then apologize as much as needed and maybe Minho would accept his help again if Chan promised he would never say these things again.

But all words died in his throat as Chan opened the door. The bottles and snacks slipped from his hands, one drink bursting open and spilling all over the floor, but Chan could barely comprehend as he jumped forward. He dropped his knees beside Minho, heart racing, every nerve on fire, but he hesitated as he reached out.

“Minho? Are you okay?” he asked, eyes wide.

Minho shifted a little, but only to curl further into himself. His fingers dug deeper into his biceps, skin turning red around his nails. He was trembling all over, sweat glistening all over, his clothes sticking to him like a second skin. Chan leaned in a little closer and dared to put his hand on Minho’s shoulder, squeezing around the tense muscles.

“Should I call someone? An ambulance, maybe?”

Minho shook his head.

“Then…” Chan licked his lips and slipped his other hand into the brown hair, stroking gently through the damp curls. “Can you move? Can you look at me?”

Every muscle visible tightened in Minho’s body, but then he relaxed. Slowly, he rolled onto his back, stretching his limbs. His legs shook concerningly and Minho’s expression twisted, hands reaching out to his thighs, but falling limp at his side. Chan shuffled a little lower and carefully curled his hands around Minho’s knee. A small nod was the response.

Chan took a deep breath and let his hands wander higher, the shorts sliding up with them, baring more and more skin to his touch. Minho released a shaky breath, eyelids twitching, but they remained closed. Chan tried to remember how Felix would sometimes massage him, fingers tightening and digging in sync with his memory. He could literally feel the muscles loosening up and soft sighs slipped from Minho’s lips.

Chan moved over to the other, repeating the massage. For at least 20 minutes, he just sat there, switching back and forth between Minho’s thighs and calves, first getting his legs to stop shaking, and then just to help him relax. As hard as it was to ignore how soft Minho’s skin was under Chan’s fingertips, how beautiful he looked just lying there, blissed out expression, the smallest hint of a smile, Chan was glad Minho was letting him do this, the trust still there, their relationship not yet lost.

“Hyung…”

Chan stiffened and glanced up, meeting Minho’s half lidded eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course.” Chan let his hands slip away, allowing himself just another second of contact before pulling away. “Are you okay?”

Minho nodded. His eyes fell close again, lips hanging open around soft puffs of air, chest raising and falling in an even rhythm. He was so beautiful. Perfect. Chan burned every detail into his mind. It was all he would ever get, just a visitor at the gallery, the piece of art separated by a red velvet rope. So close, so easy to reach out and touch it, but forbidden.

Chan rolled his shoulders and glanced over at the mess he left behind at the door.

“Was that you?” Minho asked.

“Yeah. Dropped it when I saw you.”

“Gosh, you were acting like I was dying.”

Chan huffed softly and looked back, meeting Minho’s intense stare. “I thought you were.”

Minho hummed, eyes flicking back and forth, like he was trying to find something in Chan’s face. If he found it or not, Chan couldn’t tell, but Minho looked up at the ceiling and a soft sigh filled the room.

“Let’s go home. Or-” Minho propped himself on his elbows and shifted his legs. “-carry me again, actually. Everything hurts.”

Chan bit back all the concern buzzing on his tongue. He didn’t want to argue with Minho, not now, not when the words from last night still hung heavy above their heads. If only Chan knew how to ask about it. It would have been so easier if Minho just rejected him, then Chan could push aside his feelings and focus on getting his friend back into a better place.

But with no answer, there was a small flame of hope burning somewhere deep inside.

“Right. Let’s go home.”

Again, it all felt too familiar. Minho climbed on Chan’s back, they called for a ride home, told a staff member on the way to please turn off the computer in Chan’s studio, and also to take care of the mess in the practice room, and then a few minutes later, they settled in the car. It was Minho this time who searched for the connections and Chan was simply too weak to pull his hand away. Their fingers intertwined like it was meant to be.

There was no question of if, quick glances and smiles were all they needed to know Minho was going to follow Chan to his dorm again.

They stepped into the bathroom together and Minho undressed like it was the most normal thing. Chan stared at his toothbrush like it was the most fascinating thing, not moving an inch. The shower curtain rustled and the water turned on, steam filling the room in seconds, clouding every surface. Chan inhaled deeply and allowed himself to actually look up.

“You’re not going to join me?” Minho asked, chirping so casual and cheerful that Chan had to take a few seconds to process that this was real.

“I…no, I don’t need a shower.”

“Oh.”

Chan couldn’t help but think that Minho sounded disappointed.

He shook his head and slowly undressed, trying to ignore the humming from the naked man standing so close, only separated by a thin cloth. Chan put all his clothes except his underwear on the pile with Minho’s. So familiar, so weirdly domestic. He wanted to hit himself for that thought, but settled on splashing his face with ice cold water.

“You know, I really liked showering with you.”

Chan spluttered, barely holding onto the sink.

“It was nice. It really helped me. Sleeping with you did too. For some reason, this comeback is really getting to me. It’s all just so much and I feel like I can’t breathe and like nothing is good enough.”

Chan looked up, watching the shower curtain through the mirror. Minho’s voice was so small. The urge to just get in the shower and hug him burned under every inch of Chan’s skin.

“But you’re comforting, hyung. Always have been. You help us so much just by being there. Your presence is so strong, but in the gentlest way possible. We’re really lucky to have you as our leader. I don’t think we would be where we are now without you.”

Chan released a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. Tears stung at the corners, cheeks heated, mind spinning with every word Minho said. It was too much and yet, not enough. Something unspoken lingered in the empty spaces between each sentence.

Minho groaned. “You don’t have to say anything. Actually, I don’t want you to respond. Just pretend I never said this. If you ever mention this, I will hurt you, I swear.”

Chan couldn’t help but laugh, just a soft puff of amusement, but it released every bit of tension in his body. He smiled and straightened his back, fully turning around to face the shower. Right on cue, the curtain slipped open, revealing Minho in his full beauty. Every line perfectly placed, a flush of pink dusting flawless skin, eyes as dark as the ocean and Chan wanted to get lost in it.

Minho smirked. “Like what you see?”

Chan snapped his head up, eyes widening. “W-what?”

Minho chuckled and waved a hand, then grabbed his towel. Chan quickly turned away again, eyes finding that insanely interesting object again that was his toothbrush. But now, Minho stood even closer, his elbow bumping Chan’s every now and then. He was so warm and probably soft and-

“Ready for bed, hyung?”

Chan nodded and waddled out the bathroom, Minho close behind. Faint noises filled the dorm as they approached his bedroom. Probably a movie, it definitely came from Jisung’s room right next to Chan’s. Hyunjin’s high laughter spilled into the space just as Chan reached for his door handle.

“Guess we have to be quiet…” Minho whispered.

Chan was sure he was losing his mind, because he had no idea what Minho meant. Well, he had one idea, but no way it was that. Why would have Minho said that? What was his mission? Was this some kind of test? Did he want Chan to break and just ask?

They slipped into the room and Chan quietly closed the door, clicking the lock shut. Why, he didn’t know, but it felt right. Minho either didn’t notice or didn’t care. He just walked up to Chan’s closet and pulled out some sweatpants and a shirt, both just a little too big on him, a detail Chan still wished he didn’t notice.

“What about underwear?” he asked before his mind could even process the words as a thought.

Minho smiled, eyes glinting. “It’s inconvenient.”

Chan blinked once, twice, but the words refused to settle in his head and make sense. He could only nod and watch Minho giggle, the sound so beautiful, Chan was sure it didn’t matter what Minho just said. Nothing mattered except the smile curling the pink lips, the way Minho’s nose scrunched up, eyes wrinkling at the corners. He was so perfect and Chan was light headed as he crawled under the blanket next to him.

Like Chan had no right to be there, and really, he didn’t. But the moment he sprawled out on his back, Minho curled into his side, fitting like a puzzle piece. One arm found its place around Chan’s waist, the other squeezed between Minho’s stomach and Chan’s hips, fingertips gracing the older man’s thigh where his underwear ended.

It was at that moment that Chan realized he hadn’t put on any clothes, just laid down with nothing but his briefs. And Minho was hugging him, pressing flush. His head had found a pillow in Chan’s chest and his breath ghosted hot along bare skin. Everywhere Minho touched him burned. The world was spinning before Chan and he had to squeeze his eyes shut.

“Hyung.”

Chan swallowed. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I fell asleep last night.”

“It’s okay.”

Minho hummed. “I was just so tired. I’m still tired. I almost cried today.”

“You can cry, if you want. There is nothing wrong with that.”

A soft scoff rumbled through Minho’s body. Chan dared to press his hand on Minho’s back, fingertips rubbing back and forth along the spine. Minho sighed, so content, so satisfied. Or maybe Chan was just imagining again.

“I don’t wanna cry, hyung. I just wanna lay here and…”

Minho shifted a little, pulling his hand from in between their bodies up to grip at his own biceps while the other hand tightened its grip on Chan’s waist. Without the arm in the way, Minho could shuffle even closer. An unmistakable firmness pressed right against Chan’s hips and he inhaled sharply.

“Hyung, say it again.”

“W-what?”

“What you said last night. Before I fell asleep.”

Chan squeezed his eyes shut again, just to open them again. He repeated the motion a few times before settling on staring at the ceiling. It was real. It was all so painfully real.

“I love you.”

Minho shuffled and before Chan could probably register what was happening, Minho pushed himself up and swung a leg over Chan’s hips, finding his place on top of the older man. Chan’s eyes widened and stopped breathing for a few moments, every nerve tightening in his body, ready to snap.

“Since when, hyung?”

“Huh?”

“Gosh, hyung, you’re so dense sometimes. Since when are you in love with me?”

“I..err…” Chan squeezed his fingers around Minho’s thighs - he had no idea when he had put his hands there - and turned his head away, cheeks aflame. “For a year now, maybe.”

“Okay. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Chan snapped his head back around, meeting Minho’s eyes. His dark and alluring eyes, the deep ocean swallowing him whole. Chan shuddered with his next exhale, grip tightening on the firm thighs. Minho blinked and tilted his head, expression expecting.

“I…I was scared? Worried? I don’t know…I didn’t want to put this on you, when I wasn’t sure how you feel. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship or the group or…I didn’t want to risk anything.”

“You’re a coward, hyung.”

Chan smiled. “I know.”

“Good, because I hate that we wasted a whole year.”

“What?”

Minho leaned over, hands sliding up Chan’s stomach, settling right under his chest.

“I love you too.”

The world came to a hold. Chan held his breath, heart stopping. All his senses seemed to just stop working, mind emptying out. He was floating for a moment, just to crash back down into reality and be met with plush lips pressing against his.

The many nights he had imagined, had dreamt about them. Nothing could compare. They were soft and demanding and tasted of coffee and they were all Chan ever wanted and so much more. So when Minho pulled away, he slipped a hand into his hair, tangling his fingers in the damp mess, pulling him back for another kiss.

Over and over again, their lips met, slipping so perfectly in place. It was so easy to fall into a rhythm, to lose himself in the warm tenderness. It was so easy to drown in Minho.

Both gasped for air as they parted and Chan barely had the mind to take his hand away from Minho’s hair. Minho straightened his back again, smiling with that edge of mischief that always ignited something deep inside Chan. Now more than ever, with his red and swollen lips, a sight so sinful, so forbidden, Chan couldn’t comprehend he got to taste them.

“You’re a really good kisser, Channie.”

“Y-yeah…you too…”

Minho chuckled, but the sound died so quickly and his expression crumbled. He drew his eyebrows together and curled his lips, eyes darting back and forth between his hands and Chan’s face.

“Don’t leave me again.”

“I…I’m sorry. I panicked.”

“I get it. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep, but I thought you regretted the confession and would take it back before I can even give you an answer.”

Chan sighed and dropped his head. “I did regret it.”

Minho hummed.

“I’m sorry, but you know, I expected you to reject me and then I thought that it’s not right that I put this burden on you, that maybe you would feel pressured, because I’m your hyung and the leader. It was selfish of me to confess. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Oh Chan.” Minho leaned back down and stole another kiss. “Always the thoughtful leader who puts everyone else’s happiness before his own.” Another soft press, this time on Chan’s cheek. “Selfish, he says.” The tip of his nose. “When all he did was to finally allow himself to feel.” The other cheek. “And I thought I was a mess.”

Chan chuckled low.

“I love you, Channie,” Minho whispered, poking their noses together.

It was all real. So, so real. All of what Chan wanted was served on a silver plate and he was allowed to take it, taste it, touch and admire and eat till he got sick. He didn't think twice when he grabbed Minho's hips and flipped them over, easily pinning the younger man by his wrists.

Minho stared up with eyes, mouth agape, but then a smirk softened his features.

"There we go, Chan. Take what you want~"

"You.." Chan groaned and buried his face in Minho's neck, the familiar scent overwhelming his senses. "I want you so badly. In every way. You're just so beautiful and talented and kind and exciting. I adore everything about you."

"Careful. If you keep going, my ego is gonna be bigger than Changbin's and Hyunjin's combined."

They both laughed, so easy and genuine. Chan sat back between Minho's legs, hands settling on the firm thighs, and he still wondered how any of this was real. Before him laid the man he loved, looking so ethereal with his caramel hair sprawled out on the pillow like a halo and his golden skin and eyes filled with the universe. He was glowing brighter than the sun and Chan was blinded, chest bursting with love.

"But I mean it, bunny."

Minho hummed, smiling. "I know."

"Can I really have you?"

"Yes."

Excitement buzzed under Chan's skin, vibrating through the flesh right down to his bones. He looked down and slipped his hands under Minho's shirt, sliding them higher, indulging in every bit of skin he touched on the way. His fingertips traced the fine lines of muscle, feeling them tense and tremble under the contact. Minho's breathing grew heavier, soft puffs of air past red lips.

Chan wanted to kiss them again and leaned forward, but his hands found their place on top of a firm chest and his mouth closed around a nipple instead. He sucked wet and hard, fingers gripping tight under Minho's armpits for support. A low groan spilled above his head and he glanced up, still latched onto the pink nub, tongue swirling and teeth grazing. Minho met his eyes, pupils blown wide behind half open lids and long lashes.

"I'm not that sensitive there, Chan." Minho smirked. "It turns me on more to see you so eager."

Chan narrowed his eyes, heart thumping in his ears. He lowered his hands back down to Minho's waist, digging his nails into exposed skin, and rolled his hips, hard cocks meeting through thin layers of clothes. Minho shuddered and arched a little of the bed. Chan bit down on his nipple in the same moment, eliciting an even sweeter moan from cherry lips.

"Fuck…do that again, Channie, please…"

Chan smirked as he pulled off and straightened his back again. Gripping tighter, he pushed them together even closer, groaning with the friction. Everything was so hot, their skin, his cock, the pre-come damping his underwear, Minho's intense gaze, his breathless voice. Chan rolled his hips again and his stomach clenched.

"Oh fuck…" he whispered, pulling apart.

Minho whined at the loss of contact, but fell silent when Chan hooked his fingers into the waistband of his sweats. One harsh tug was all it took for Minho's cock to jump out, all long and red and curved so perfectly that the pre-come dripped from the tip right on Minho's stomach, pooling in the dip of his hip bones.

Chan licked his lips and Minho giggled.

"Wow, Channie, you look like you want to eat me."

With the eyes of a starving man, Chan met Minho's gaze. "What if that's exactly what I want?"

Minho's eyes widened and he blinked rapidly, fingers curling tight around the sheets, cock twitching. Chan smirked. He reached over Minho to his nightstand and without breaking eye contact once, he pulled out his bottle of lube and settled back between the long legs. Legs that he wanted to see more of, so he slowly crawled lower, pulling down the sweatpants with him. At the foot of the bed, he slipped off to stand up, throwing both the pants and his underwear aside. Minho's eyes grew even wider as they zeroed in on Chan's cock.

"You know…"

Chan kneeled back on the mattress, one hand finding purchase on the sheets, the other pressing down on Minho's leg.

"…Wolves hunt a lot of things…"

He shuffled higher until his knees pushed into Minho's.

"…deer, elks, even bison…"

Chan smoothed both his hands over Minho's thighs, pushing them apart inch by inch.

"…but sometimes, they also eat smaller animals…"

He leaned over, settling his elbows on the mattress, bracketing both Minho's thighs and hips that way. The younger man watched with bated breath, clutching the sheets.

"…like mice, snakes and birds…"

Still holding eye contact, Chan dipped his tongue out and dragged a slow stripe along Minho's cock, all the way from base to tip. Minho threw his head back, moaning high, a shiver chasing down his spine. Chan repeated the motion and another melodic sound filled the room. So perfect, stable and beautiful like Minho's singing voice.

"…but wolves are also known to eat bunnies."

Another drag of his tongue, this time ending with Chan's lips wrapping around the tip. His eyes fluttered shut and he swallowed the cock deeper, taking inch by inch until the gag reflex set in. Pulling back a little, Chan indulged in the weight on his tongue and the stretch of his lips. Not too big, but pleasant, just right. He even rested his cheek on Minho's thigh as he opened his eyes again.

"Fuck Channie, you look so fucking good like that. I always knew your lips are made for sucking dick."

Chan moaned, cock twitching with the vibrations. Then he pulled off, way too much drool under his tongue, spilling from the corners of his mouth and dripping down Minho's length before he popped off with a wet sound. Minho groaned and threw a hand over his face. Bits of flushed skin peeked out between his fingers and Chan smiled as he gently pulled at Minho's wrist, revealing his face once more.

"Your language…" Chan shook his head. "Are you into dirty talk, bunny?"

Minho hummed, giving a small nod, eyes darting around the room. He almost looked…ashamed. Chan couldn't help but coo at him, smile growing brighter.

"Oh! I kinda expected that. That just seems so you…"

"Stop being so cheesy, hyung, especially when you're talking about my kinks."

Chan chuckled and grabbed the bottle of lube, uncapping it. Minho spread his legs even wider, bending them a little at the knee for an even better angle. If he even realized he was doing it wasn't important. It was hot and Chan stilled for a second, suddenly so painfully aware again of his own throbbing erection.

"But Channie…" Minho tilted his head a little, "Does that mean you thought about what I could be into?"

Chan averted his gaze, focusing on hands instead. He squeezed a generous glob of clear and sticky liquid on two fingers, all the while his face burst into flames.

Minho cooed. "You did!"

"Maybe."

"What else do you think I'm into?"

Chan hummed, finding Minho's eyes again. A smirk curled his perfect lips, so full of tease and provocation. Like he was trying to challenge the older man. Chan was never a competitive person, but that look ignited a new need in him. Technically not new, but an old one in a new shape and form. The need to watch Minho fall apart underneath him. In the best way possible, of course.

"Well…"

Chan pressed the first finger against Minho's hole, meeting barely any resistance. The rim gave in so easily and Chan groaned with the tight heat he was met with. Minho sighed contently, relaxing further into the mattress.

"First of all, preparing yourself in the shower while I'm in the same room was not exactly on the list, but I did think you're a exhibitionist."

Minho choked. "What?"

Chan smirked, finger slipping deeper. "It was just a guess, but thank you for confirming."

"I hate you!"

"No, you don't. You love me and you obviously can't wait to feel my dick inside you."

Minho groaned, head falling back into the pillow. Despite the embarrassment nagging in the back of his mind, Chan had to admit, he liked speaking so bluntly. He always had, it was just difficult not to immediately apologize for saying something weird. But it wasn't weird, not with Chan pushing the second finger into Minho's hole and the way the younger man writhed and gasped before him.

"I also wondered if you're into bondage."

Minho clenched around Chan's fingers, more pre-come drooling on his trembling stomach. Chan pushed deeper, as deep as he could, and then pulled back again, all at a snail pace, like he was trying to memorize every bit of softness against the tips of his fingers.

"Did you wonder what I'm into?" Chan asked, thrusting back inside, pace picking up.

A strained moan spilled from Minho's lips and he clutched the pillow, hiding part of his face in the bent wrist. Chan dragged his tongue along Minho's cock, earning him another sweet sound.

"Fuck, I…ngh…I did…"

Chan hummed. "And what do you think?"

Words barely off his tongue and he was already wrapping his lips back around Minho's cock, swallowing him as far as before. All the while, his fingers slipped in and out, going faster with every moan. Here and there, he slowed to spread them apart and explore the inner walls, indulging in the way they convulsed against his touch.

"I…err…daddy kink was the obvious…"

Minho shifted a little, cock pushing an inch or two deeper into Chan's mouth. He tensed and choked, but breathed in deeply, throat calming enough that he could take even more. A hand found its place in his hair, thin fingers tangling in his blonde curls.

"Maybe…fuck…maybe a praise kink?"

Chan hummed around the shaft and drool spilled between skin and lips. Some of it dripped down on Chan's hand. Swallowing, Chan pulled off, fingers slowing down and slipping free. He wiped the drool from his hand on Minho's thighs and climbed back to his knees. Hooking his hands under Minho's knees, he pulled the younger man closer, his hips and ass finding their place in Chan's lap. This way, their cocks pressed flush and Chan groaned, every nerve on fire and screaming for some stimulation.

"Daddy kink, maybe, we have to explore that some time." He smirked and Minho frowned. "But praise kink…I like praising you, like to tell you how pretty you are, bunny."

"You don't want my compliments?"

Chan chuckled. "Not today. Today is all about you feeling good."

He dove deeper and their lips met in a messy kiss, all tongue and drool, too eager, but it had Chan's head spinning. Minho's too, if the moaning and hands rubbing over Chan's back was anything to go by. And as Chan pulled back, he was met with half lidded eyes, sparkling with tears, and trembling lips around shaky breaths.

"I want you to feel how much I love you."

"That might be impossible."

"Why?"

Minho rolled his hips, cocks grinding against each other, eliciting moans from both men.

"I think I would die from that."

Chan let out a shocked chuckle. "God, bunny, I will never get used to this."

"To what?"

Chan pressed another kiss to Minho's lips, chaste and quick.

"To you. To everything about you."

"Well, you can show me at least a little of your love. Maybe 30% or so."

Chan laughed again and buried his face in Minho's neck. The way his heart ached with so much fondness almost made him forget their position, but Minho was quick to remind him with another sinful hip roll.

Leaving a few kisses along Minho's throat, Chan pulled back again and straightened his back. He uncapped the bottle of lube and practically drowned his cock in the sticky substance. His hands found their place on Minho's hips, fingers digging deep into the soft flesh. The tip of his cock kissed Minho's loose hole.

For just a moment, the world held still. Chan let his eyes wander over every bit of Minho. From the curves to the moles to the scar on his stomach to every eyelash, Chan burned it all into his mind. Every detail, every bit of color, recreating the painting that was Lee Minho on the blank canvas of his skull. It was worth remembering forever, hopefully still not forgotten when the world burned to ashes.

Slowly, Chan pushed forward. His cock slipped in so easily and they both moaned, shamelessly loud, releasing every bit of tension. Deeper and deeper, his cock buried itself inside Minho, carving out a space for every inch so that he was all Minho knew.

Chan groaned, one hand falling away from golden skin to find support on the mattress. His hips met Minho's ass flush and they both gasped. The tight heat clenched and jerked around his cock like trying to make him come just like that. It fueled the fire roaring inside Chan's guts, nerves twisting and coiling hot, shaking him from head to toe.

When he was sure he was going to last for a little longer, he pulled, watching Minho's hole stretch wide around his shaft. Lube dripped everywhere and Chan licked his lips at the sight.

"Look how wet you are for me, bunny…"

Minho whimpered. He fucking whimpered, high and desperate. The sound filled Chan's ears and rushed down along his spine, ending where it continued to feed the fire.

"You're so tight, so warm."

He thrusted forward, burying himself to the hilt. Minho arched his back, mouth falling open, the softest moan spilling out.

"And you're taking my cock so well, like your ass was made for me to fuck it."

Another thrust. And another. Again and again, Chan filled Minho up, pounding harder and faster with each push. The room was filled with the slaps of skin against skin, with moans and groans, babbled pleas from Minho and whispered sweet nothings from Chan.

It was simply perfect and everything Chan had wanted and dreamt of, everything he thought he would never get. Just Minho, all of Minho, all for him. Just that thought alone drew Chan closer to the edge, but then there was also this melting heat around his cock and under his skin and deep in his guts, and it all was too much.

"Come on, bunny. I'm so close." Chan shifted, thrusts still firm, but his thighs strained with effort and the building orgasm started to make him feel dizzy.

"Want my bunny to come on my cock."

Minho moaned and bucked his hips, meeting Chan's thrusts. He adjusted his legs a little, finding a new angle. With the next push, Minho arched his back off the mattress, eyes rolling back, a scream from deep within his chest filling the room. His whole body tensed up and ropes of white painted over his stomach. Fingers twisted into the sheets until Minho's knuckles paled, thighs trembling against Chan's sides.

No matter how much Chan wanted to slow down, he simply couldn't. Minho's insides spasmed around him and he chased that friction like his life depended on it. High pitched whines bubbled from Minho's lips, but no plea for Chan to stop, despite the lean body shaking with overstimulation.

"Channie…" Minho weakly rolled his hips. "Please…please come…fill me up…"

The words shattered the last bit of restraint inside Chan. He groaned, thrusting once, twice, then stilled, buried deep inside Minho. A shudder chased through him, buzzing at the tips of his fingers and behind his eyes, exploding into a firework of ecstasy.

Chan was sure he had blacked out for a moment, because when he opened his eyes again, he was lying on top of Minho, slender arms wrapped around his back. He hummed and buried his face deeper into the curve connecting throat and shoulder, nuzzling and kissing the skin there. Minho giggled, sounding as breathless and weak as Chan felt.

"That was amazing," Minho whispered.

Chan nodded.

"But as great as it was, I feel gross, hyung."

"Right. Just 5 more minutes."

Minho huffed. "Only because you're cute."

Chan smiled and pressed a kiss to Minho's jaw, then cheek, his eyebrow, the tip of his nose. They looked at each other. Millions of answers sparked in their eyes, the questions not important. They never were, not with Minho, not when Minho was the answer to them all.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

~~~~~

Somewhere between lazy kissing and cuddling, they managed to get up. They took another shower together. This time, Chan didn't look away once, didn't hold back. Afterwards, they settled back into bed with fresh new sheets, hugging close under the thin blanket.

Chan was sure he never slept so well. So when he woke up in the morning, he didn't think much further than how thirsty he was, too blissed out to suspect anything. Minho was still fast asleep and Chan watched him for a minute through bleary eyes, smiling stupidly.

The smile remained all the way into the kitchen, where Hyunjin and Jisung were already eating breakfast.

"Morning hyung," they both said, exchanging glances instead of looking at Chan.

"Morning! You're up early."

"Yeah, sleeping was…" Jisung looked at Hyunjin again.

"Sleep was difficult," Hyunjin said.

Chan hummed, taking a long, indulgent sip from a glass of cold water. For once, he couldn't relate. Every inch of his body was relaxed and his heart floated high in the sky and all he could think about was climbing back into bed with Minho. The world was perfect, his soul at peace.

"I guess, err-" Jisung shifted in his chair, corners of his mouth twitching. "-we were worried about Minho-hyung."

"Ah, yes." Chan emptied his glass and placed it in the sink. "He's okay now, I think."

Hyunjin scoffed, smirking. "Of course he is."

Chan blinked.

"You know, hyung…" Jisung cleared his throat, sounding just the slightest bit amused. "When we asked you to help Minho-hyung, we didn't think the possible ways of how you help him include sex."

Chan froze. "Oh. Oh.”

"Yeah," Hyunjin grinned, "it's kind of awkward to watch 'my neighbor totoro' with moans in the background."

"Oh god!"

Chan was glad he had put the glass aside as he threw his hands over his face. Jisung and Hyunjin burst into laughter. He took everything back. The world was awful and cruel and he wanted to disappear.

"It's okay, Channie-hyung, we're just glad Minho is feeling better," Jisung said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Exactly! Plus Seungmin owes me dinner now!"

Chan stared at Hyunjin in utter disbelief. "You bet on…on me and…"

"Yeah, we made a bet on how long it would take for you guys to get together. You are together now, right?"

Chan blinked like a deer in the headlights.

"Yes, we are," Minho said, making them all turn their heads.

A hot shudder chased up Chan's spine, ending in his cheeks in an explosion of heat. He couldn't even move as Minho stepped closer and pressed a kiss to his mouth. Chaste and gone too fast, breaking Chan from his trance. He caught Minho's waist in a hug and pulled him in to connect their lips again.

It was so easy to fall into the comfort that was Minho and forget about anything else. A gentle slide of lips against lips, hands squeezing around his biceps, their love radiating with each touch and soft sigh, so perfect and pure. And finally, Chan could call it his own.

Hyunjin fake gagged and they broke apart to glare at him.

"It's like watching my parents make out," Jisung said, sticking out his tongue.

Minho pointed between them. "You two better be quiet or you're grounded."

Chan couldn't help but laugh, burying his face in Minho's neck to muffle the noise. A hand slipped into his hair and nails scratched along his scalp like Minho was petting a cat. Chan practically melted into the touch, completely tuning out the back and forth between his boyfriend and the two younger members.

"Boyfriend…" he whispered.

"What?" Minho tugged at his hair and Chan met his eyes.

"You're my boyfriend now, bunny."

Minho smiled. "Yes. And you're mine."

#stray kids #fanfiction #stray kids fanfiction #skz fanfiction #bang chan #lee know #lee minho #bang chan x lee minho #bang chan x lee know #chan x minho #bang chan/lee know #bang chan/lee minho #chan/minho #minchan #ao3 #smut #stray kids smut #skz smut #trying to find more tags so more people see this #why is tagging so hard

[angelz-dust]

heatwave (jason todd x gender neutral!reader)

summary: extreme heat leads to a little accident with your popsicle and jason finds a way to rectify the problem.

warnings: 18+ content (minors dni) - smut, unprotected sex (no condom, no pulling out - pls wrap it up y’all), shower sex, mild food play (popsicle), mild choking. 

minors/ageless blogs who interact will be blocked - read rules before interacting

the sun shone through the window of your bedroom, the rays of light dancing against your sweaty skin as the wind from your fan made the blinds shake. you laid out on your bed, which had been stripped of its comforter, in only your underwear. you were about ready to peel those off of yourself, too. you weakly grabbed at your phone, checking the weather. 77 degrees.

77 degrees, your ass. it felt like 90. 

as much as you enjoyed reaping the consequences of a depleting ozone layer, you felt like it was time to do something to control the temperature in your apartment. you weren't sure how much longer you'd be able to handle breathing in air that felt thick enough to chew. slowly, you sat up, having to peel your sheet off of your sweaty back. you were going to have to do the laundry at some point because going back to sleep in drenched sheets was just as disgusting as it sounded. that was a problem for 3pm you, though. 11am you needed water. desperately.

waddling your way to the kitchen, you opened the refrigerator door and you let out a loud moan of satisfaction. the bright white lights invited you inside its cold confines and you could've swore you saw a dead relative or two beckoning you in. you didn't want to leave the door open for too long, so you quickly grabbed the last water bottle and shut it. you wasted no time swallowing down the cold liquid, ignoring how it made your teeth hurt and froze your throat. you didn't even care that some of it had spilled down the front of your body, down your chest and to the band of your underwear. you welcomed the cold droplets onto your burning hot skin. 

“fuuuuuuck,” you breathed out, your body going limp as it pressed itself against the metal refrigerator door. you could feel your perspiration creating a suction between it and your skin. it was fine, though. you had no intention of moving anyway.

had it not been for your brain taking a few minutes to power itself off, you would've heard the familiar jingle of keys unlocking the front door and you would've turned to see jason coming in with the desserts you requested. 

“what the hell are you doing?” you heard him say and you slightly turned towards him, a dazed look on your face. he was already stripping out of his clothes before he even asked.

“dying,” you responded, opening the freezer for him as he threw in some ice cream and multiple boxes of popsicles.

jason put his hand on your clammy shoulder, slowly ripping you off of the fridge. he turned you towards him, holding some contraption in his hand, which appeared to be a cross between a spray bottle and a fan. without saying anything, he turned it on and began spraying you down like a misbehaving cat, only you didn't flinch. no, you relished in the feeling of the mist on your face.

“here. i got one for myself, too,” he said, handing you the fan. you smiled happily as you started spraying and fanning yourself all over. 

“i hope whoever invented this is getting bomb ass head right now,” you breathed out, starting to feel some relief.

“what about the guy who bought it for you? what does he get?” jason asked, starting his fan up and spraying his chest, it now glistening with both sweat and tap water. 

“absolutely nothing until the temperature drops,” you smiled at him. “what flavors did you get?”

jason’s lips puckered slightly as he leaned back against the kitchen counter. “strawberry, pineapple, and this caribbean mix with a bunch of flavors in it. you might wanna wait on eating them, though. they’ll probably melt fast.”

“it's a risk i'm willing to take,” you said, going and grabbing a popsicle for yourself. you unwrapped it and hummed happily at the flavor against your tongue. the brand jason bought was a little more expensive but it was definitely worth it. the real fruit juices and chunks were much more satisfying to taste than the artificial flavoring of the other brands.

“is it good?” jason asked, a small smile on his lips. despite being uncomfortably hot, seeing you happy made it bearable. the fact that he was able to provide you with the things you needed, even if it was something as simple as your favorite popsicle, made him feel good.

“mhm,” you nodded, some of the juices starting to trickle down your chin and onto your chest. you looked down and frowned a little. you started spraying your chest, trying to get the stickiness to go away. 

jason watched you desperately try to lick up the juices that were now sliding down the stick and getting on your hands. it just wouldn't stop and it was making a huge mess, just as he had warned you it would. 

“sweetheart, there's more popsicle on your chest than there is in your mouth,” he commented condescendingly and you glared at him.

“maybe that's how i like eating it, jason,” you said, his name coming out of your mouth like venom. 

“you know what? i like eating it that way, too,” he nodded in agreement, stepping towards you and dipping his head down to lick at your collarbone and move down the valley of your chest. 

your breath hitched at the unexpected contact and the added body heat to your personal bubble. jason had come back up, giving you a soft kiss and licking the remnants of your most recent bite off of your lips. as badly as you wanted to melt into the kiss, you pulled away. you grabbed your fan and started spraying him in the face. 

“down, boy,” you scolded him playfully, little giggles coming from him as he flinched his punishment. “i'm trying to eat.”

“so am i,” he smirked, taking the popsicle from you and taking a bite out of it. he looked around the room, whistling as he not so subtly let the popsicle fall against your chest and dragging it down some, watching as it dripped down your abdomen. you gasped out as the contrasting temperatures, your back hitting the fridge. 

“oh wow. i'm so sorry,” his fake apology rang against your ears. he took the dessert off of your skin, handing it back to you. “i'll get that for you.”

his lips and tongue fell upon your skin again, dragging over the stains. he found himself at your nipples, despite not getting anything on them. he swirled his tongue around the quickly hardening buds, managing to get a pleasant sound from you. he got on his knees, collecting the sweetness that was threatening to make it way to your underwear. he eagerly lapped it all up before it got to that point, firmly holding your hips against the door to prevent you from moving away.

“jason, it's too hot,” you sighed as he planted kisses up your naval, looking up at you with playful eyes.

“i know. this is really sexy, isn't it?” he spoke against your body, which got himself sprayed again by you. this time, he saw it as encouragement instead of a punishment. how thoughtful of you to help keep him cool while he focused on making you feel good. 

you kept spraying him until he eventually let up, laughing again as he got off of his knees. “fine, fine. if you won't indulge me in my sexy popsicle fantasy, can we at least go take a shower?”

“only to get the juice off. no other reason,” you said coyly and he smirked at you, giving you a firm nod.

“of course. what other reason would there be?” he asked as the two of you headed to the bathroom, touching at each other and giggling your entire way there, taking what little clothes you both had off of each other. by the time the water started running, the little act had dropped and you were all over each other. it was freezing, which put your bodies into a slight shock as you panted heavily in between feverish kisses. 

jason’s favorite thing to do was hoist you up, with your legs wrapped around his waist. he liked showing you how strong he was and feeling your body flush against his own. he made sure to position you high enough against the tile wall so you wouldn't have water violently hitting your face, but close enough to where you could still feel it everywhere else. he never allowed himself to be blinded by lust at the expense of your comfort. 

his hips rolled into yours and his face found its way back to your chest, peppering it with kisses. you carded your fingers through his wet hair, tugging at it just how he liked. even though you were doing a very physically taxing activity, this was the coolest you had felt all day. you wasted no time giving jason’s plump lips the kisses they had deserved earlier, your boyfriend more than happy to reciprocate. as much as you didn't want to part from him again, he pulled away and began suckling at your neck. normally you would object to being marked in such a visible location but you gave him a pass this one time. after all, he was the guy who bought you the spray fan. 

your feet touched the ground again and he turned you around, pressing you against the wall and grinding softly into your backside. it didn't take him long to pull your leg up and slowly insert himself inside of you. you started seeing stars and that's when your legs became like jelly, causing you to lose your balance. jason quickly reacted, your hearts pounding as you tried to stay vertical.

“are you alright?” he asked, his nose rubbing the shell of your ear. 

“yeah, i just got dizzy,” you explained, grabbing his hand with an embarrassed smile. “i'm okay.”

“so clumsy,” he grinned, kissing your temple as his slow thrusting began. his hand trailed down your side and landed on your ass, using it as leverage.

you moaned his name as he started going deeper and slower. he was teasing you now, which was to be expected. even on the hottest of days, in one of the least comfortable locations, he didn't pass up the opportunity. jason treating this like any other love making session and not just a quickie turned you on even more. he never let you question his dedication to making you unravel beneath him.

“jason, please. stop teasing me,” you begged him, knowing that was the only way he would stop. closed mouths don't get fed, as he would say. 

“only because you asked so nicely,” he responded smugly, picking up the pace now. the sounds of slapping skin and breathy moans were amplified by the acoustics of the room. you began feeling a slight ache; a result of jason’s girth and length inside of you. a normal person would’ve asked for a break, but not you. it fueled you to continued, fucking back against him and squeezing around the very thing that was causing you mild pain. 

“it feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked you and you didn't respond. you hated how he always knew exactly what you were doing. “tell me it does, sweetheart. i wanna hear you say it.”

you ignored him again, moving against him a little faster now. his hands quickly went to your hips, holding you still. “answer me,” he whispered in your ear and you whimpered in defeat.

“it feels good,” you mumbled, trying to move again, but to no avail. 

“sorry, i didn’t catch that.”

“it feels good, jason.”

“i'm glad. i want you to feel good,” he smiled, letting you go. you continued to try and reach your high, doing most of the work now while jason watched. his hands caressed your body, encouraging you to continue. 

“does it feel good for you?” you asked him and he nodded. 

“it always does, sweetheart. i feel amazing whenever i’m with you,” he told you, starting to meet you half way with his thrusts. “doesn't matter if i'm inside you or not.”

you felt your face heat up at his words. you hated how he had that effect on you. you felt yourself slip against the wet tile again and he caught you, pulling you back against him. 

“would you stop doing that?” the two of you laughed together, taking a quick breather. “i need you to not die in the middle of me fucking you, okay?”

“okay, i'm sorry,” you giggled as jason helped you get back into position. “i'm sorry.”

“it's alright, don't worry,” he reassured you, slipping his hand up your front and around your throat. “is this okay?”

you nodded, feeling more secure in this modified position. despite your little interruption, you still felt as needy as ever. his grip on you was so gentle that you could almost be convinced you’d slip again, but jason knew your body like the back of his hand. he knew what he needed to do to keep you safe and not hurt you in the process. 

“let’s finish up,” jason’s tone was comforting and you hummed in agreement, picking up right where the two of you left off. it didn't take long, either. you could feel the pressure building up inside of you, waiting to wash over you. once you felt his tip pressing against that sweet spot he was so good at exploiting, you knew there was no going back now. 

you both started getting sloppy, jason’s thrusts being less methodical and your movements no longer matching with his. jason’s broken gasps and moans send you over the edge, sending you spiraling in euphoria. his grip on your throat tightened very slightly as he filled you up, his face resting in the crook of your neck. you let out a sigh as he slipped out of you, feeling his cheek pressing against you, silently urging you to turn around. you complied, your noses grazing each other before your lips met again with little kisses.

“we can take a real shower now,” he smiled against your lips, kissing you again. “no more sexy fantasies. i promise.”

“no more sexy fantasies during a heatwave,” you corrected him, grabbing your wash cloth and wiping away some of the sweat forming at his hairline. “any other time, they will be greatly accepted and expected.”

“good to know.”

#jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd smut #red hood smut #dc x reader