#rupture and repair

[moonlit-positivity]

Normalize asking permission. Normalize asking for clear boundaries. In every relationship you have. Platonic, romantic, friendship, work contact, business contact, familial contact, old relationships and every single time you meet someone new. "What are the boundaries here?" "How do you feel about this?" "Do you have any questions or concerns about this?" "Can I get your permission to--" "What days work best for you?" "Can we talk about this?" Normalize asking consent and defining boundaries right from the start. Normalize checking in to make sure the communication stays open. Normalize following through. Normalize treating all your relationships with maturity and respect. Normalize expecting the same in return!

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #healing thoughts #communication #respect #interpersonal relationships #conflict #conflict resolution #rupture and repair #consent #toxic relationships #abusive parents #bpd #actually traumatized #actually bpd #dbt #growth #advice #life advice #self love #self esteem

[speechlesssblog]

Soy tan vulnerable a su amor.

-Gustavo Cerati.

#phrases #gustavo cerati #aesthetic #love #vulnerable #history #writting #sad love #rupture and repair #poetscommunity #love poem #rock español #ceratiporsiempre

[nectarink]

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

#hooponopono #rupture and repair

[pam01-31]

#rupture and repair #heartbroken #fall in love #self love

[lady-laureline]

Today we're talking about a massive thorn in my side, namely the "water under the bridge" mentality in response to interpersonal conflict. While there is a time and place for it, it leaves a lot to be desired as a default response.

Healthy relationships (romantic or otherwise) go through cycles of rupture and repair. Hurt and healing. Transgression and reconciliation.

This knowledge is usually passed down from parent/guardian to child, through direct instruction as well as example. Buut, if the 'mentor' was never taught this skill, they cannot teach it, and the 'student' will grow up with little concept of healthy confrontation, and instead learn that keeping pleasantries afloat - and yourself under control - is what matters.

Within this context, bringing attention to pain signals a lapse in judgement in those that know better, and a lack of discipline or consideration in those who don't. It's also a sign of precarity: without the ability to break the problem down, it's harder to develop a sense of proportion. Ergo, a threat is a threat, no matter if it's a small misunderstanding, a tangible disagreement, or a full-blown crisis.

×

As someone who did grow up with the skill to repair, my understanding of a mature response to conflict is to parse it out: picking a moment to bring it up, having an open conversation, figuring out the relevant differences in perspective and the actual (versus assumed) root of it all. Only then can the parties involved make up and move on.

I took this attitude for granted before cohabiting with someone without the repair skill and finding out the hard way that trying to fix things was not what was expected of me. The lack of closure was what kept me from feeling like things were okay between us - but for them, not leaving the problem alone was the only thing keeping it alive.

At first, I tried to earn the right to talk about it, thinking I just needed to phrase it right. When that didn't work, I tried convincing myself I didn't need repair after all (pretty funny in retrospect). In the end, I had to conclude that each person is responsible for their own willingness to put effort into understanding the needs of another, and that denying your own, no matter how justified the context, just leaves you with more trauma.

×

That said, I have no intention of treating these attitudes as two sides of the same coin.

"Water under the bridge" doesn't carry your problems away to harmlessly dissolve into the ocean. Those emotions will stick around until you acknowledge their existence and their purpose, meanwhile they’ll eat away at you from the inside, whether you've dulled yourself to the pain or not.

With so much unattended hurt floating about, pretending everything's fine is ultimately nothing more than damage control. It might distract from the immediate upset, but - despite individual sacrifices made for the common good - it doesn't functionally bring us closer together. The brain is wired to fill in whatever information we're missing, and has a chunky negative bias, so without facts telling us otherwise we're likely to assume the worst about a situation and those involved in it. The less you are inclined to prove those suspicions wrong, the more pessimistic your reality becomes. This is how you end up alone in a room full of people.

But we keep shooting ourselves in the foot because the only thing scarier than loneliness is vulnerability. Even if you're willing to admit change, you'll have your psyche screaming at you to quit digging your own grave the second you let your guard down (it's trying to protect you and doesn't know any better).

Sometimes you have to take yourself by the hand and tell yourself it's ok. That you deserve better. Because we all bloody deserve better than just living with the crap that doesn't resolve on its own.

#ramblepost #rupture and repair #and all this is without getting to nonverbal signals and unspoken agreements #what is your signal to go talk to someone #do you do it when you need help or when someone else does #do you need permission to talk #or permission to listen

[crislion-photographer-blog]

Parece que cada día se libra una batalla en mi cabeza, aquellos recuerdos del pasado luchando entre sí, como ángeles contra demonios y no se cual es el fin de tal lucha…ojalá pronto llegue a su fin.

#SoundCloud #comunicación #reflexiones #sentimientos #corazón vacío #pasado #enamorado #rupture and repair #ruptura

[thescorpiogirl]

Llegó ese día, y todo empezó a tener valor dentro de mi. Estoy a dos días de cumplir siete meses sin ti, y a pesar que al principio pareció difícil y que pensé, talvez no llegar a la sensación que tengo ahora, puedo decir que valió la pena cada lágrima, cada noche ahogada en ese sentimiento y con las fuertes ganas de volver pero decidida a no hacerlo. Y aún no podría decir que ya todo se olvidó y dejé de sentir, pero hubo un crecimiento y madurez en el proceso, que me hizo entender que la vida sigue y no podemos retener a nadie en nuestras vidas. Por alguna razón nos cuesta entender que si esa persona quisiera estaría con nosotros, tratamos de justificar cada acción y solo le damos el poder que no merece, porque sólo queremos pensar que volverán pero no siempre pasa. Lo mejor que pude hacer es tratar de hacer entender a mi corazón y mente que aún tenemos mucho por delante y que la vida no acaba, al contrario es una nueva oportunidad para hacer mejor la cosas, de expimentar más y enfocarnos en lo más importante, nosotros.

#growth #self love #kc #pr&mr #rupture and repair

[talebkhaliq-haytabla]

CON LAS MANOS LLENAS

Ayer me repetía una y otra vez cuanto te odiaba. Cuan insano fue tu adiós, porque me habías olvidado, me habías anulado y pudiste seguir tu vida y yo en cambio me quedé estancado en el tiempo extrañandote. Después de que estuvieras en mi sueños, solo me eché a llorar y fue más duro cuando supe que te ibas por un tiempo de nuestra ciudad, la que habíamos hecho nuestra. Todo pasó como en aquel rápido día de tu adiós... No tuve tiempo para entender lo que pasaba, simplemente tu ausencia se hizo más larga y tuve miedo, ya no podría verte en una nueva casualidad de la vida, la vida te alejaba y mis manos aún estaban desbordadas de amor.

Te juré odiar, me recriminaba lo que hice por ti porque aún sin esperar algo, me sentía que me dejabas sin un rezago de cariño. No eras tú a la que conocí, de la que me enamoré y era sensible al mundo; no lo eras y nunca más lo serás conmigo. Eso pensé.

Hablé con mis amigos que me consolaban, y solo podia ver en oscuro, solo veía con rabia tu recuerdo, quería olvidarte una vez y para siempre... Eso pensé.

De repente, y sin esperarlo, me escribiste...

Que pasó? que no era ella la malvada sin sentimientos? No era ese monstruo que desconocíamos y del cual solo esperábamos un ataque? No, no lo era, eras tú con tus manos golpeadas entregando un poco de amor en la despedida. Sabía que te ibas pero me dejabas algo más de ti, que solo el tiempo dirá si es un hilo que nos mantendrá juntos, un hilo que me llevará a ti.

Me sentí alegre porque volvía a leerte. Me sentí estúpido por no creer en quien tanto amé, amo y amaré. Sentí esperanzas porque el mundo no es tan malvado cuando estás tú. Sentí dolor porque sabia que solo sería un breve instante. Sentí agradecimiento, porque me diste tambn todo de ti y aún lo guardo con mucho amor. Me seguías enseñando cosas, veía que a veces el dolor nos hace ver temerarios y como monstruos a quienes amamos y en quienes creemos; el dolor nubla nuestros escudos y los hace ver cómo una daga al corazon a nuestros protectores. Tú eres mi ángel, mi protectora y dude de ti... Lo siento.

De repente sentí que ambas manos estaban llenas. Que queríamos seguir cuidándonos en la distancia a pesar de nuestro adiós. Que sufrimos solos ahora para quizás volver a poder cuidar del otro, porque por ahora no lo podíamos hacer. Yo sigo esperandote y tengo miedo de que no haya un "de nuevo" en nuestras vidas. Pero tú y la vida tambn me han preparado para eso aunque no lo quisiera. Desde que te vi pude ver mi vida contigo y estoy seguro que aunque el dolor me nuble, este no será nuestro fin.... Gracias mi amor, mi buen amor, mi amor eterno....

Que no pase día sin decirte que te amo.

#desamor #amor #ruptura #recuerdos #tristeza #dolor #rupture and repair #adios #notas tristes #soledad #te quiero #vuelve #Regresar

[morimyth]

I don't have a lot of "starting over" experience. I have a hard time forgetting about people. So if I address something directly instead of saying "hi" it probably means we aren't zeroed out enough to start over yet.

#aisling to ashe to ais to ash to aisling #healing isnt linear #broken trust needs a lancet to heal otherwise its just a bandage ignoring the wound #rupture and repair

[deepvoidmind]

Me agote, me cansé, robaste toda mi energía y te fuiste después de quitármelo todo, mi felicidad, mi paz, mi armonía, hiciste que mis espacios felices se volvieran un lugar donde tenga que pensar en ti día y noche de la forma más triste posible, hiciste que perdiera el gusto por todas las cosas que me gustaban por culpa tuya ya que nunca te importo o interesó que me gustaba, pero hoy ya no podrás volver a hacerlo porque me iré lejos, a un lugar mágico donde solo yo sea rey de mi vida, donde pueda volver a ser feliz y pueda volver a florecer...

#amor propio #rupture and repair #ruptura #dias tristes

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Was actually thrilled to have them include Roy and Jamie’s season 1 pitch brawl in the A Look Back video because the only reason Beard would ever have done that is to demonstrate the stark contrast between the rivalry that came before and the friendship they have today. That’s the joke, after all: the frankly absurd discrepancy between what they once were and what they are now.

And it’s notable that we get this after the Beer Date Incident, when Roy and Jamie both fall back into bad old habits and it becomes clear that brawling might not stricly be a thing of the past. The thing is, though, that the aftermath is so very different these days. They no longer need to be seperated by their teammates – they figure out a different and less violent (though frankly also very stupid) “solution” to their quarrel, pursue it together, and when that falls through they contemplate and admit their idiocy and go off to share a meal and make nice. The vidoe doesn’t reignite any tension; they are clearly fine at this point, both of them smiling and with Jamie looking over at Roy like that.

Our boys sure did stumble in this episode – as they will again, no doubt – but a stumble doesn’t change the fact of the road already covered. They have come so very far. 

(I also love this because the little meaningful and somewhat pointed look Beard is giving Roy allows for the conspiracy theory that our friend Willis somehow learned what happened the other night and wants to remind Roy that yeah, this is what you were and is that really something you want to go back to? Uh-nuh, get it together, man.)

#jamie tartt #roy kent #coach beard #roy & jamie #if you hate them brawling that is very fair #i very much see where you're coming from #i just... don't mind them being absolute idiots from time to time #bit of the old rupture-repair #even as i sometimes want to smack them #or well more like have keeley do it #in this case #this will have to be it with my random thoughts and emotions for the day #i am exhausted #been one hell of a ride though! #3x12 #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #meta

[moonlit-positivity]

When someone tells you they're hurt, apologize. Recognize their pain. Let them know you care that you hurt them. Let them know you're committed to listening and understanding the issue. Allow yourself to listen and be vulnerable enough to admit your mistakes. Don't let your insecurities dominate the relationship. Listen and honor the pain and boundaries and don't expect them to be forgiving when you continually cross the line. Expect the same when you are hurt, too.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #communication #interpersonal relationships #apologize #apologies #rupture and repair #dbt #bpd #relationships #friendships #toxic relationships #toxic friendships #healthy mindset #advice #reminders #positivity #growth #self love #self esteem #self hate #love

[honeysuckle-venom]

When my therapist says or does something that hurts me I don't usually notice in the session? Sometimes I do and we can immediately address it, but more often I have to go home and process and realize over time what went wrong. And then bringing it up is so hard and stressful, but talking about it has always solved it. We had a big miscommunication like a month ago and I didn't even realize how much stress it was causing me but it was really really getting to me and today I started crying about what I thought she meant in the shower. So then I talked through it today in our session (slowly, agonizingly, while crying and panicking) and once I managed to communicate within like 10 minutes she explained what she had actually meant and I felt so much better and a huge weight was lifted. Note to self: Communicate when there's a rupture! That always fixes it!

#text post #my post #the rupture and repair process is super important and we've done it so many times over the years #and ultimately it is better than never having ruptures in the first place #but in the moment it sure does suck sometimes #anyway now that we've repaired things i feel like i can breathe a bit for the first time in weeks #still super stressed about the medical stuff and weight stuff and whatnot but at least that's not hanging over me #a full post about the medical stuff is coming soon btw i just don't have it in me to explain right now

[moocowmoocow]

#godddddddd #aleida rosales #fam spoilers #jesus if the aleida and margo reunion happens #it's going to be so fraught #and may rupture them #instead of repairing them

[antiopesayingthings]

#nedra tawwab #healthy conflict #relationship rupture #relationship repair #conflict resolution #passive aggressive

[faithhopeloveandtherapy]

T’s memories of therapy // 8 out of 12

“We had some strong disagreements at times but we worked through them and our relationship became healthier as a result. We found that out relationship could not only survive but thrive because we were acting with integrity. I do believe that we learn much more through the hard things of life.”

Wow we definitely did have some disagreements. Not so much in the first couple of years when I was too scared to disagree and I would just shut down at even a hint of anything. After that they tended to be me interpreting things T said or did and then there being a rupture in our relationship because I felt she’d implied I had done something wrong.

By the final five years we were having more explicit disagreements, not all the time by any means, but stuff we would tussle with in session. Every disagreement we had got worked through and it did bring us closer and enable me to be braver or more honest in talking to her. I don’t feel there is anything left unsaid that we didn’t resolve. A lot of the final year was fall outs, disagreements and frustrations, with periods of neutral at best in between, but ultimately we pulled it all back to finish well.

H used to ask me when I came downstairs from each session “Did you fall out with her?” Even before our final session, he was like “Don’t fall out with her today!” Of course I didn’t.

#therapy #post termination thoughts #memories #rupture #repair