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vicciouxs · 6 months

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⠀⠀⠀⠀Hannah Doyle, 24. she / her now listening to she's a monster by exhibit decay...

⠀⠀⠀Hannah is the middle daughter of 7 siblings and they lived, with her parents, on a farm located in a small town. Her parents were extremely religious, as was the town, so Hannah grew up in a conservative, closed environment, where she didn't feel accepted. In the same way that being the middle child she felt that no one paid attention to her, she felt like a shadow or sometimes even like a ghost that you only notice when she does something wrong. In conclusion, her childhood was mostly solitary, which led to a personality that was somewhat closed and complex to access, because in the town she didn't have many friends, except for a neighbor who spoke with her out of her parents' obligation, but she didn't consider her either a friend. However, when Hannah was around 8 years old, her parents hired a maid from the church who would later become quite close with Hannah.

⠀⠀⠀Throughout her growing up Hannah showed a certain fascination with food, she loved to eat and was always hungry; but soon that hunger would turn into something more, something more twisted and deeper that she couldn't explain. Food was beginning to seem boring to her, she loved it, but it was boring, it satisfied her physically, not emotionally, and that frustrated her. How could something she loved so much make her feel so empty? Her response to that was to eat more, in the vain hope that if she was full she wouldn't feel empty. For religious reasons, her family used to practice fasting and they were very strict with food, so she had no choice but to beg the maid, Lola, for something to eat, she didn't care what it was, she just needed something else. But when her parents sent Lola away, Hannah began to feel more and more anxious, sometimes even acting aggressively toward her parents or siblings because something inside her desperately needed to eat and she couldn't control it.

⠀⠀⠀During one of the meals, one of her older sisters, Elisa, gave Hannah her food when she saw that she had even begun to trim her nails; and that's what they did day after day, during every meal, until their parents noticed. From that moment Hannah barely remembers anything, everything is blurry in her mind, she only remembers the sound of the plate crashing against the wall and her mother's screams just inches from her face. They were ashamed of her, she was clear about it and that's why they took her out of the house, so that she could reflect on her behavior; but she did everything but that.

⠀⠀⠀She wandered around the farm like a lost soul, listening to her stomach growl and her head spin, she had to eat, she needed to eat and suddenly a heavy breathing caught her attention. It came from her neighbors' farm and as if that breath was calling her, Hannah sneaked into the plot through a hole in the fence. She walked for a few minutes until she ran into a small rabbit, that was on its deathbed, perhaps because it had tried to escape and had been injured in the process, not knowing that this would cause its death. Hannah knew very well that when an animal was injured it was best to sacrifice it, so she crouched down next to it, ready to do the same thing she had seen Lola do with the chickens many times, but this time it was different. She barely remembered what happened, everything became dark when she began to feel the hot blood descending down her throat and how the small animal was losing heat between her hands. What came next were the horrified screams of her neighbors and the widening eyes of her parents; but none of that mattered to her, the important thing was that she no longer felt hungry, she was satisfied.

⠀⠀⠀Her parents didn't know what to do with her, they tried to take her to priests, use penance, punish her, they even tried to perform an exorcism on her, but nothing worked, Hannah didn't seem to regret her actions. So his last option was to put her in a convent, where her life would change forever. There she ate once a day and if she dared to escape to look for something else they punished her with lashes and even more fasting, on one occasion they even locked her up which caused her to completely embrace madness.

⠀⠀⠀She was isolated, she didn't talk to anyone, no one talked to her, the only thing that accompanied her were the voices in her head and the roar of her stomach that made more and more noise with each day that passed without eating. But as if something had heard her hunger, a young novice, who took pity on her, tried to help her, a big mistake. Her name was Sophia and she would always remember the fear she saw in her beautiful blue eyes. The young woman opened the door to give her something to eat and when she did, Hannah, who was bigger and stronger, pounced on her. She began to devour her by the throat, so that she wouldn't scream and what happened next is in black, she doesn't even remember what she did with the blood or the body, but once the door was open, Hannah escaped from there and again she felt satiated, she was no longer hungry.

⠀⠀⠀She left a note behind her, she and Sophia were lovers who had escaped together and so no one would deign to look for them beyond that horrible convent.

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rainymoodlet · 9 months

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when your future lifepartner feels absolutely miserable thanks 2 pms but they're still the most beautiful creature you've ever laid eyes upon

also dallas was legit just uncomfortable from their period it's okay - it looked hilarious though i thought they were like "um ew honey wtf"

but seriously how is this man real, like look at this adorableness:

#i'm trying to summarize the latest of the kruegers gameplay because i sort of speedran some shit /cough #and so i figured i'd summarize ivory and her relationship w eva & cass and how we got to the Cutest Baby in the World #but i found these and oh my god i had to share #i'm sorry imma be spammin' all up in y'alls dash today ok - i'm planning on getting on later tonight and replying/being available/etc while #i play the first few dates for kmik (eyes emoji)#but i just had to dfkjsdhfskdjt #s4 #ts4 screenshots #;tjol+ extras #sim: dallas #sim: shingo #this was a dinner party i didnt end up taking pics of because nobody wanted to sit where they were SUPPOSED TO #but safe to say ivory's meeting her goals dskfhds #this was also the dinner that shingo and dallas met cass and eva for the first time!#also that phone mod is still the best thing i've ever downloaded ugh

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shvroyism · 9 months

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Something I’ll never understand is preferring s1 shiv. Yes, she appeared to be very functional, independent and was successful outside of Waystar but she was also…very underwritten before 1x10. It’s like they didn’t know what to do with her besides the whole overused cheating storyline with Nate, and I hate him so I skip all of their scenes when I rewatch s1.

Meanwhile, S2 turned her into the most complex character in the show and nothing compares to her in that season.

#s2 made shiv my favorite character EVER #and s3 and s4 just kept proving that she is the best character in the show #kendall being a close second ofc 🫶#succession #shiv roy #to summarize #being a girlfailure >> barely having a personality besides having to be the rational sibling

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thebramblewood · 1 year

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The portal leads Rowan to the Magic Realm, a place she hasn't laid eyes on since she was a child - and, to be honest, wasn't even certain still existed after the events that caused her mother's death. Even more impossible, though, is the figure that drifts in the distance. It's her mom, or at least the ghost version of her Rowan used to see in her dreams. This time, though, her mom can see her, too, and speak!

"My dear Rowan," she says. "I've been trying to reach you for some time, but it's been so difficult to communicate. I was doing my best. I thought my messages were getting through. But then I lost you. You crossed a border, and I could no longer follow."

Escape from Windenburg | 9

#ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 legacy #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 story #the sims 4 #s4 #ts4 screenshots #ts4 screencaps #i don't usually include any dialogue here #but it's hard to do this scene justice by only summarizing #legacy: g8 #story: efw #rowan 'aukai #cassie 'aukai

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sentimental-darkness · 2 years

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So that part of Westworld where human William can't help but laugh at robot William struggling with existential problems, tells robot William there is no helping it because civilisation sucks so screw it and then asks him whether he knows what needs to be done because robot William is him so he should go and fucking do it and robot William smiles eureka you're right I'll fucking do it is the most charming self-indulgent world destroyer scenario ever

I too wouldn't need to go on if there was other version of me ready to fucking do it.

#westworld #westworld mib #westworld s4 #nice one #this scene alone could summarize the meaning of ultimate humane realization

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angelltheninth · 9 months

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Humbly requesting HSR men sending love letters to their girlfriend/wife while on a mission? Do they make them detailed or short? Also do they include and pictures or drawings? I'm sorry if this is weird, I was watching the Legend of Korra and I'm at the part where she's getting letters from everyone and it got me thinking about this.

I love TLOK! That part hits hard, so fucking hard. Good luck with the rest of s4!

Pairing: Blade, Caelus, Dan Heng, Gepard, Jing Yuan, Luka, Welt x Fem!Reader

Tags: fluff, established relationship, love letters, married, long distance relationship

A/N: I remember when I was in middle school and we had to send a letter to someone for an assignment. I sent it to my bestie!

Blade writes you letters only because he promised you he would. There aren't many, you get a new letter maybe once a month but they are always quite detailed, telling you where he's been, where he's going and that you don't need to worry about him. There can be a lot of pages for you to read but that's to make up for the fact that he doesn't write to you that often, he prefers to say things in person.

Caelus never thought about writing you letters until you expressed how romantic it would be to get one. Then one day while on alone you got one, from him, who was on a mission at the time. The letter spoke of the things he saw, what he ate, what the weather was like, wishing you a good night and sweet dreams. A crudely drawn picture of his was the signature. You've been getting letters ever since.

Dan Heng writes letters that are straight to the point and a bit on the shorter side. Usually one or two pages is enough for him to summarize what happened, but his letters arrive a few times a week, constantly keeping you updated on his whereabouts and health. Now when you feel his rough fingers you wonder how much is from his weapon and how much is from his writing to you.

Gepard not only sends you letters but also full on poems and love songs. He is that much of a romantic. Don't tell anyone though, everyone is under the impression that he's only informing his wife of when he'll be getting home. You keep his letters right beside your bed, sometime reading them to him and watching his face get redder and redder with every sentence.

Jing Yuan tells you the details of his day pretty thoroughly but not so much about the mission. He makes a sort of cliff note version of that part. This is because he would rather tell you those parts in person, they'll be much more interesting and dramatic that way. But as for what he does daily, the people he meets, the animals he sees, the food he eats, he writes about all of that for you.

Luka doesn't write that much in his letters. He's simply not sure what he could write that would be interesting other then who he beat up and how he got a thank you for it. He does include a few drawings of him fighting against his opponent though, it's the only good way he can think of to let you know how awesome of a fight it was without taking a whole books worth of pages to do so.

Welt is all to happy to write home to you while he's on a mission. Of course you get just as many drawings of the places he's been too. There's so many drawings that you can make a scrapbook with them, or decorate your entire wall with them. He puts as much detail into his letters as he does in the drawings he makes so you can be sure you won't miss out on a single thing, it's like you're there with him.

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didyoupainthis · 9 months

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One thing I see on bylertok way too much is people pointing out that even though Will told Mike it’s “not possible” that he’d ever join another party (replace Mike), Mike still went and joined Hellfire after he told Will to grow up and move on from D&D in S3 (which Will ended up doing)

It takes everything in me not to summarize the situation every single damn time I see someone mentioning it as if it’s proof that Mike ‘doesn’t deserve Will’ or something because it’s so frustrating that people just don’t understand anything about Mike and try and cling to any bit of ‘fault’ in his actions to justify why Byler wouldn’t work and why they don’t ship it

Because this whole ordeal had nothing to do with Mike and Will’s friendship, it was bought about in the first place by Mike and El’s ever incompatible relationship

Mike loves D&D, he loves writing, he loves being DM for the Party, he loves being with the Party. He never stopped loving these things, he stopped pursuing his interests because he was so over invested in being ‘normal’, which in his mind means ditching his friends for his girlfriend. El doesn’t like D&D, she doesn’t share Mike’s interests in his favourite things and because of that, Mike dropped all of it in favour of making out with El. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do in a relationship, and so that’s what he did

Of course, none of that is El’s fault either; El is learning the world and will eventually learn what she likes personally when she befriends Max whilst Mike is lost in juggling between what he should like vs. what he actually does like

All that is to say;

Mike dropped D&D because of El

(again, not El’s fault I’m not trying to blame her for anything it just is what it is)

So circling back to the “not possible” moment, I wanna point out that Mike’s insecurity in that moment specifically is Will leaving him emotionally because Will already is physically leaving and Mike blames himself. He’s mentioned himself obviously that he’s afraid of losing Will but he’s also made it clear many times. After their fight, Mike just wants to know that Will would still choose him and Will assures him that he wouldn’t be replacing Mike. Will placed no expectations on Mike when he said this, he just wanted to reassure Mike that they’re okay and that they’ll be okay which is exactly what Mike wanted

After Will and El left, Mike joined Hellfire because he could focus on doing the things he liked again without having to devote himself to being El’s boyfriend. I was happy for Mike to have D&D back when I first watched S4 and I know Will would be happy that Mike is finding himself again. And while we’re on the topic of Mike finding himself, since he’s joined Hellfire he’s started slowly accepting himself and accepting that he doesn’t care anymore if he fits into the standard or not. He doesn’t care about popularity or people liking him. He is growing and he’s been getting his character development

Anyway that’s all I just love analysing Mike it’s so interesting, but in this case I don’t think it even needs to be analysed. Mike isn’t himself around El and that’s got nothing to do with Will— that’s just Milevens relationship dynamic

#byler tumblr #byler #anti mileven #byler endgame #sorry for the rant i just #need to vent when it comes to mike wheeler #i love him so much #this is also not jow i would SUMMARIZE but u know #i needed to vent

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raayllum · 4 months

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Mirrored Paths Trilogy #2: In the Name of Love, I Would Do Anything For You —Callum & Viren

Part 2 of a mini meta trilogy dissecting Callum, Karim, and Viren's parallels, with a special emphasis on S5. For the general overview, and if you want to read Karim and Viren's parallels, you can read that analysis here. It is useful to read but not necessary in order to understand this one, as this meta is Part 2 and will discuss Callum and Viren.

Now, I've talked a lot about Viren and Callum. Like, a Lot a lot. Therefore, I'm not going to repeat too much of their Arc 1 buildup here, and focus more loosely on their S5 parallels in particular. However:

If you're interested in their pre-season 4 buildup, check out these metas: How Callum and Viren have parallel arcs in S2, Relics, Rage, and Magic: The Callum-Viren Foils Meta, the foils screencap compilation post I've been cultivating since Nov 2019 pre S3 (updated to include past that point)

If you're interested in post-S4 thoughts, check out these metas: The Interlocking of the Cycle’s Wheel with Viren, Claudia, Callum, and Rayla, How Viren and Callum stack up flaws wise, I sure do love foils that switch, How Callum's morality differs from Ezran and Rayla's (and always has)

If you're interested in post-S5 thoughts, check out these metas: What did Viren and what does Callum want?, How Callum and Viren sacrifice (written post-S4 but updated with S5 screencaps), Why ramp up the foiling?

Now I'm not gonna expect you to read all that because 1) I'm aware I have a problem, 2) it'd be time consuming as hell, and 3) I'm going to summarize the most important takeaways for you to understand the foundation this next section of meta is built on. (None of it is complicated, mind you, but just to make it clear where I'm coming from.) If you have read all those metas, or even made it this far on this one, thank you for enabling me reading and I hope you('ve) enjoy(ed).

Now for the key takeaways:

S5 went basically exactly where I've thought Callum would go since S1/S2 and Viren since S3 re: Viren giving up dark magic and having an atonement arc/breaking away from Aaravos, whereas Callum — in order to free and save someone he loves, specifically Rayla — chooses to chain himself further to Aaravos

Although still very different, Callum and Viren are worryingly, exceedingly similar in many ways, largely in their agreement that dark magic can be a useful last resort and in their devotion to their loved ones (aka "in the name of love" + the "I would do anything [for my family/loved ones]" parallel

Where Viren is willing to put certain things (the kingdom, his own quest for power, humanity) above his family (and wrongfully so), Callum is not. He says he would do anything, and means it (thank you post-s2 me, you were the realest bitch)

Rayla and Aaravos are foils, particularly in their dynamics with Callum and Viren respectively. They are both banished, exiled elves who were seen as being/are too sympathetic towards humans, they mentor high mages of Katolis, hunt each other's high mages, and S6 will put Rayla and Aaravos vying for Callum's destiny (control) to the test as his two paths (although choosing Rayla over Aaravos may not be mutually exclusive, but that's another post). Rayla killing Viren unintentionally put him on a path to stray from Aaravos, whereas Callum saving her / their relationship is what has consistently putting him on a path towards Aaravos

Now, S2 and S4 definitely have more parallels between them structurally for our two high mages. S2 is linked above, so I'll focus on S4: asking to die but being refused by Claudia and Rayla respectively; being reunited with someone they love after two years; Callum attempting to shut down his feelings in Rayla's absence / upon her return much the way Viren did in his time as high mage; the mirror and general framing, particularly in 4x01; sharing a (re-)birthday; their impatience in 4x02, which is also a parallel with Karim; the pawn intros; Rayla interrupting Callum's investigation of the mirror while Viren likewise attempts to diverge paths; picking up what they'd been refusing to all season in 4x09 within seconds of each other, and similar framing to boot, since dark magic led to Viren's destruction, and Rayla will possibly (unintentionally) lead to Callum's:

Let's get into it: S5

Now, S5 is less obvious in some ways. The one big framing parallel they get, beat for beat, is Callum going to investigate Aaravos in the library, placing his book on the same table, being interrupted by the librarian (which is honestly more of a running gag than something tangible), the script being magically washed away, etc.

Therefore, with all of the above out of the way, we have three main things to consider:

1) Their dark magic dreams from 2x06 and 5x03 respectively, in which they face mirrored reflections of each other

I wrote after S2 that I thought Callum refusing his dark counterpart in 2x08 was ultimately going to end up being more about actively being a dark mage than doing dark magic ever again, mostly because — while we didn't know if the show would ever put him in said position — I always figured Callum would do dark magic again in well, about the exact circumstances canon forced him into in 5x08. (And it was extremely satisfying, lemme tell you.) Viren giving up dark magic was more surprising, but they've always been switching foils, so the exchange makes perfect sense on that level.

I talked really briefly about some of the similarities between their dreams, but I wanted to touch on some here as well:

Their choices are both framed around objects of Aaravos. For Callum, it's a key he initially rejects. For Viren, it's the mirror, but instead of connecting to and looking to Aaravos to help him, he looks to and accepts himself.

Viren has to reach forward and connect with himself, whereas Callum pulls away from his mirror self

Viren's dreams are about dismantling his justifications (or the why) behind what he did, whereas Callum's skip over his justifications and instead focus on what he did. Both of these accordingly inform their identity

Viren is saved from literal drowning upon waking up, Callum is saved from a more metaphorical kind

Freedom is the cornerstone of both reflective scenes. Viren and Callum both leave their initial dreams being free (or freer than before). While this holds true for Viren until the current end of his arc (5x09), Callum in 5x08 is handed a sharp reminder that freedom is no guarantee, and how that may continue

The path metaphor that was running loosely throughout their arcs ("I am offering you a path forward [with dark magic] / Callum's tendency towards shortcuts / "I'm afraid, Rayla. What if I'm on a path of darkness?") is now being brought to the forefront here through Viren both being made actively aware of his choices per path ("Because I have followed a dark path") and him deciding to get off of it in 5x09.

2) Both being driven to desperation and resolve to try and save someone they love (Claudia, Rayla)

I figured that, per Viren getting an atonement arc at all, that what would make the most sense is S5 forcing Viren and Callum to confront their moral horizon lines about what they were, or were not willing to do, in order to save Claudia and Rayla pre-S5. For the S4 reasoning behind that, I'll recommend one of the metas linked above regarding those four and the Interlocking of the Cycle's Wheel. I was very pleased to see a decent chunk of it come to fruition. I figured Callum would be able to save Rayla at a steep cost, and Viren would be unable to successfully save Claudia (cause consequences have to catch up to you sooner rather than later, and they tend to catch Viren first and Callum second).

This is, of course, perhaps most exemplified by the show chipping away to the core of dark magic, which is what are you willing to do to save the people you love, even against their will, and that Callum has every good reason to be worried, accordingly, about a very exploitable part of himself.

Which we'll talk about more when we get to:

3) Viren revoking dark magic and Aaravos, whereas Callum does dark magic again and worries he's further tethered himself to Aaravos

In season 5 in a lot of ways, Viren comes to fully understand and accept Harrow's rebuttal to dark magic in 1x02, which was, "We may not pay now, but we will pay the blood price eventually! What do you think got us here? Dark magic!" The blood price went from Sarai's unintentional death, to Thunder's purposeful one, to Zym's false one, to Harrow's 'real' (?) one, and so and so forth.

Viren tried to ignore the sunk cost fallacy by believing it was already too late to turn everything around, and that doubling down to skirt consequences would continually work... until it didn't, and he had to accept the only person writing his fate was himself: "Every step forward is a choice," and thereby another chance to do the right thing, or make better choices, under the circumstances you have — to at least try.

This parallel, then, between Viren doing what he can to set himself free vs Callum chaining himself further to Aaravos is, in a lot of ways, both the most dreadful and happiest potential parallel and contrast between on a few different levels. Let me explain:

S6 as the Fall, S7 as the Rise

I talked about this pre-S5, citing it as a reason I believed Viren and Callum were ultimately switching rather than solely contrasting foils — re: Viren getting better in S5, and Callum getting worse in S5/S6 — simply due to the fact that given that S6 will be TDP's 11th hour, things might be going okay for the antagonist crowd, but the protagonist side of things, particularly Callum, will need to be hitting rock bottom.

Thus, it seemed pretty obvious from a structural standpoint, as well as Stars (and destiny by extension) having an association with Aaravos that S6 would involve Callum playing his part in Aaravos' plans, with S7 being the reclamation of his agency and therefore defeat of his narrative Rival for well, narrative control. S6 being Callum's fall, S7 being his rise — stronger than before, and freer and more magically in tune than ever.

Prior to S5, it was typically accepted (by myself included) that while purposefully very similar to one another in both framing and personality, that mirroring would eventually shed, and, come S7 Viren would ultimately provide a contrast to Callum, with Callum breaking away from Aaravos in ways Viren was never able to, and this would be the Big Defining Difference between them in terms of like, narrative cohesion and plot. (Emotionally, the biggest difference has always, arguably, been that Viren is more world focused — to his detriment in arc 1 in particular — than focused on his loved ones, whereas Callum is deeply and sometimes dangerously devoted to the people he loves.)

However, S5 makes that previous contrast prediction untrue, because Viren does break away from Aaravos (in fact, just an episode decidedly before Callum seems — metaphorically at least — to take a step towards him). Therefore rather than just being a contrast, Viren is meant to be a true mirror in equal measure, simply because by virtue of letting Viren break away from Aaravos' control, when Callum eventually does so, he will likewise — once again — be following in Viren's footsteps, just in a positive way rather than a 'negative' way like before. If Viren was meant to solely be a contrast — as has been theorized previously — than Callum staying under Aaravos' control would actually be the provided ending. Of course the show isn't doing that for Very Obvious Reasons, but I think it's worth noting that now, in order for Callum to have a happy ending at all, he has to follow in Viren's footsteps — all of them. Rather than being one of solely warning and foreboding, Viren's narrative has turned into one of hope for Callum, too.

V: I am free, and so are you.

But in order to talk about salvation, we have to first talk about destruction, namely:

Dark Magic and Death

Dark magic and death have long been associated with each other in series. Dark magic requires killing or consuming a magical creature — elf, dragon, or otherwise — to be used/harvested for power. It affects the souls of those being used as spell parts (Through the Moon) and you can use any part of the body within reason, even their ashes upon cremation (1x03, 2x09), or their final breath (against their wishes in 3x06). Hell, dark magic makes you smell like death (3x01), turns you into a more corpselike appearance, and season two novelization just furthers this association outright during the passages of Callum's dark magic visions/dream:

Callum turned the cube frantically to see which primal was glowing. How could any of the primals glow in this dark place? Something about this cube tied his stomach in knots. It wasn’t natural. A vision flickered in front of his face. Dozens of dead animals in a field. A dead butterfly. A dead deer. A dead unicorn. Cackling laughter. He chucked the cube away from him with all his might. The glowing rune was dark magic. It represented death.

Thereby in 2x08 itself, the rejection dark magic symbolized by the cube is pretty simple. Callum rejects being a dark mage as his primary magic use, he rejects the 'easier' road, he still believes he can possibly access primal magic, and in doing so, he rejects death. He won't become a dark mage, he won't seek out his death or others in order to have control/power, and he won't become a corpselike figure.

But a couple seasons later, we see S4 and S5 reverse and complicate that in 1) having him, literally, seek his own and Aaravos' deaths in order to feel in control/have power, and therefore 2) perfectly foreshadowing his eventual dark magic use/relapse, for lack of a better word. Just as the show leans farther away from "dark magic is easy" (and it is, in some ways, emotionally easier to deal with consequences when you can change them) and more into "dark magic will destroy you — your identity and your body — if you keep using it".

S5, likewise, also starts to break down the negative associations of dark magic being linked to death, and indeed the negative associations with death itself. For most characters in the series, death is solely a tragedy, but for Harrow and Viren of themselves, staring their own deaths in the face — and choosing to die — instead became a vehicle for repentance, change, and subsequent self-actualization.

Death, for Harrow, and more importantly for the sake of this meta, is not just doom and gloom, but a choice and therefore a culmination as well as a chance for transformation. Just as Viren's death in 3x09 allowed him to be re-born with clear eyes (a literal Re-Birthday, if you will), him choosing this next death shows the full scope of his character arc. Previously, he died because he was chasing all the things he didn't have with Aaravos' aid, and by 5x09, he's rejecting Aaravos' help and dying alone in the woods with nothing, yet it feels like a tragic sort of victory all the same.

We also see a more complicated view of dark magic alongside ideas of self-actualization. Previously, dark magic was seen as something that would make you routinely lose yourself (Viren, Claudia) until you had by and large become the worst version of yourself. S5 complicates this a bit more by connecting Callum doing dark magic to his ability to access the Ocean arcanum, as he remembers/mimics the motion of crushing the slug before connection (and parallels Viren's 5x03 hand symbolism to boot):

Whereas Viren unmakes his choice to take on Aaravos' deal in 2x07, Callum unmakes his choice to refuse to do dark magic when it means saving his loved ones. As he states:

To love is simply to know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep... You don't control anything. But you already knew that, didn't you? Because it's the secret of the Ocean itself. The arcanum. The Ocean arcanum is about accepting depths you can't see, parts of yourself you can't understand, and things you can't control.

Callum fears not having control, and therefore fears his part of himself, where he is now more aware than ever of just how far he'll go for his loved ones, and how exploitable that is, thanks to Finnegrin. And it's not as though dark magic has lost its death associations, merely that those death associations have likewise been transformed. This is particularly evident if you line up 5x08 as the end of Callum's S5 arc (which it is; while 5x09 is fun, it doesn't further any of the main trio's emotional arcs except Rayla, and even that is decently minor)

If dark magic is still linked to death, then both Viren and Callum choose to step towards their own deaths in the end of their respective arcs, just with different meanings and arc placements. If we take Viren's step further that real death vs dark magic death are two different things, then we still have Callum stepping towards his own dark magic death to prevent someone else's (the same way Rayla is spared) even if that means throwing potentially 3+ innocent people and Domina Profundis under the bus in 5x08. But more on that here.

For now, let me break it down more simply:

In 4x09, Callum and Viren both pick up the symbol of something they've been trying to ignore / pass off to others all season. Viren has avoided his staff and left it for Claudia to wield, much the same way Callum passed Rayla off to Ezran and Soren in the previous episodes. Viren refuses to leave the staff behind. Meanwhile, Callum picks up and finally starts fully acknowledging the loss and love he feels regarding Rayla, who he let go on without him. The staff is symbolic of Viren's relationship to Aaravos as well, and it's what ultimately dooms him. Rayla's sword, although quickly discarded so he can help the actual Moonshadow elf, is also a symbol to Callum in the scene that he loves/is still mourning his friend/partner.

In 5x08 and 5x09, Callum and Viren are both goaded by a vengeful elf seeking freedom into doing dark magic to create a secure future for each mage. The elf wants to use them as further vessels for their own freedom/revenge scheme. Viren refuses to do dark magic and instead chooses death, reaching self-actualization. He does this mostly motivated by his own regret and love for Claudia. He refuses to sacrifice Sir Sparklepuff to save his own life and breaks away from Aaravos. Callum demonstrates a willingness to sacrifice others in order to save Rayla, in addition to resorting to dark magic in order to save her. He refuses to sacrifice her to save/keep his own soul free from Aaravos' clutches, even if that means possibly walking steadily closer to his own death. Likewise, this allows him to reach a new stage of self-actualization, but at a steep emotional cost.

Where Viren's ending is tragic but victorious, Callum's season ending is victorious but tragic. But like I said earlier, Viren's story in S5 offers plenty of hope to Callum's future storyline, namely exploring how

Love Can Destroy and Save You

Now, anyone who's been following me for a while knows I love a good "this thing can save and destroy you" and that I have been really fucking excited for S4 taking that undercurrent in arc 1 and bringing it up to the forefront, with a big hitch to Rayllum as a sweet lovely, devastating bonus.

“Wow. So they look identical but they might kill you or they might save you,” Callum said. “Exactly. Just like me…” Rayla smiled.

—Book One: Moon novelization + Callum and Rayla being routinely determined to save each other, even if that means immense danger and harm to themselves (Callum's love for her made him leap off the mountain to save her, and his love for her allowed him to grow wings and save both of them).

This has always been a theme in the show and particularly within their dynamic — "Alright, enough almost killing me" in 1x05 with the lightning spell, only for Callum to save Rayla's life with the exact same spell by the episode's end — most prominently brought to the forefront in 4x07 with their whole "I need you to kill me" "I'm afraid I'll hurt people I care about" [cuts right to Rayla] conversation. If you're interested in more Rayllum thoughts on this, I would recommend my original meta on the subject (pre-S4) and my post-S4 followup.

We even see this theme of the same thing — in this case, Callum's love for Rayla and commitment to saving her — play out as a perfect microcosm in 5x08. As previously mentioned, Callum does dark magic again (a failure in his own mind) and unlocks the ocean arcanum (a victory) precisely because of what he was willing to do out of love, both of these things being good and bad. The dark magic use is bad because it makes him more vulnerable to Aaravos and reaffirms how he'll bend morals he otherwise wouldn't and is upset over it, and it's a good action because it lets him save Rayla. Unlocking the Ocean arcanum is a good thing, because it symbolizes a deeper understanding of himself — good ol' self-actualization — and more useful, magical prowess, but it's also a bad thing because he's upset by this realization of himself to the point of not even really being excited by it.

He would do anything for her, he's realized now that love doesn't necessarily always make him stronger, that this is exploitable, and it scares him. It really does.

Because Rayla saves him and destroys him. And in S5, fortunately, Viren's children do the same for him.

Even though saving Soren is what seemed to truly begin Viren's descent in earnest...

the harm his path has inflicted on Claudia is one of his motivations to finally stepping off of it.

Ezran himself acknowledges the way love interplays with the Cycle in the thematic turning point of the arc, and the series in many ways, back in 4x03 — that love is not in opposition to the Cycle, but indeed one of its many cogs, and the choice lies in how we choose to let that love manifest:

I had a speech planned for today. It was about peace and love and hope. But I think I left something out. [...] We all want peace and we all want love. But violence tests us. In a twisted way, it converts us to its cause. Because pain and loss feel so terrible inside, you want to hate. You want to hurt someone else. So what do we do? How can we stop this cycle? [...] We have to acknowledge the weight of the pain and loss, but open up our eyes and allow ourselves to hope and maybe forgive and love again. We have to give today’s children a chance to inherit a future filled with peace. To give them that, we have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time.

If Callum does destroy himself / risk the world for love in S6 (perhaps taking a risk he knows may lead to being possessed, or releasing Aaravos to spare Ezran or Rayla from an immediate death) then love, it seems, is also posed to be what accordingly breaks him out of the possession and brings him back to himself, the same way it allowed Viren to deviate from his previously chosen/enforced path. Reconciling dualities rather than enforcing strict binaries is one of the main things S4 was concerned with, after all ("Just have two cakes!").

All of this, for Callum, ties back into:

His dynamic with Rayla and all its variances (the light to his dark / pain and love / literally freeing himself while metaphorically chaining himself in order to save her / his love for her being his strentth and weakness / "Now you're back. That's kind of good, and it's kind of bad").

His connection to the Key ("I have a feeling that cube thing could help me" to "It's the Key of Aaravos, Callum. No good will come of it!")

Light and dark being both good and bad, and Aaravos heavily representing that trade off ("In darkness, gaze upon a fallen star [...] already tainted by darkness" + the cube flashing a bright glowing white before Aaravos picks him up as a pawn).

The fall (becoming Aaravos' prey / playing into Aaravos' hands) in s6 and a rise in S7 (breaking free by defeating Aaravos)

If dark magic is death, and Aaravos is likewise death / worse than death ("if he takes control of me again, you have to kill me")... death, like for Viren in 3x09, can be Transformation for Callum in 6x09. He just has to 'die' (metaphorically) — to fall, to fail, to succumb to his predecessor's negative footsteps — in order to rise, fly, and follow in his predecessor's positive footsteps while also carving out another new path for himself.

Because Love is salvation just as much as it is destruction, and the story will always hold true to those things.

Other Parallels

Although there aren't as many prominent framing parallels in S5 as there were in S4 — the mirror, on the battlements with Soren, sitting on the Storm Spire, picking up the staff and sword, etc etc — (beyond the hand clasps as symbolic chains my beloved), the most obvious one is from 5x01 in which Callum goes to the library to research Aaravos just like the high mage before him, down to the portrait over the table they place the tome on.

Then there is also framing that furthers the connections they share between Callum-Viren and Claudia-Rayla, diving after someone you're desperate to save (and often from drowning, to boot). Hand outstretched one pictured above, so here's another:

There are also the Aaravos-Magma Titan Callum-Viren parallels that others have pointed out, with Ezran standing in for Sarai:

Given that 4x01 begins and 5x09 ends the arc of Viren's 30 days, and by and large binds S4 and S5 together as 1 arc of sorts (with S6 and S7 being the final arc), it tickles me particularly pink that it opens, in many ways, and then literally closes accordingly with Callum and Viren staring at the moon:

Misc:

In between writing the first meta and the second one, I got loose 'confirmation' that I'm on the right path with my deductions (even if, of course, 'personal path' can mean many things, but I still think it's cool!) from Aaron Ehasz on twitter. Cool beans

I also think it's fun that Viren tries to save Claudia from a 'symbolic' death in the ocean ("Stop! That wave, it will swallow you up!") and Callum saves Rayla from a more literal one of being devoured by a sea leviathan.

Conclusion

First off, if you read All of That, thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. I've been itching to talk about these two and how S5 both built on the parallels they already had, pushed some to the forefront in overt ways ("I would do anything" and 5x08 on Callum's end was beyond validating in every way), in addition to setting up more to come, both good and bad.

I may return to S5 in this manner to touch more on other parallel relationships in the future, such as Viren-Rayla in S5, Callum-Claudia, and Claudia-Rayla, but for now the next proposed foil meta is looking at a dynamic I have not talked much about in Callum and Karim. This will conclude this little 'trilogy' of metas, and I hope you stick around for it, cause it's going to be very interesting.

Callum and Viren have always been my favourite foils relationship in the show, and I hope this meta did a good job of demonstrating why. Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next one!

—Dragons out

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 months

Note

So I rewatched the S4 battles that involved Zoe a couple of times before making this and I noticed something that could maybe be considered a character trait for Zoe, She kinda of sucks in combat.

To clarify I don't mean that as an insult, all she has ever done with the bee is jump and run, and you can't even fully blame it on the show trying to highlight the other Heroes too since even her hero debut episode shows her only doing those two things.

To be fair, a good chunk of what the temp heroes do in Season 4 can be summarized as "Blindly follow Ladybug and use your one power before fading into the background like usual". It's not just a Zoe problem.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #zoe lee #vesperia

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hairrington · 2 years

Text

Second Chance

Summary: Trust is not something you give to people easily. So when you start trusting Steve Harrington little by little, he knows it's a big deal. And he won't screw it up.

Female reader with trust issues who's afraid to fall asleep next to anyone and Steve being the sweet boy he is. Takes place the fall before S4 (with flashback to S2). Requested by anon. Gif credit: commanderogerss.

Tutoring Steve Harrington was hard.

Not because he wasn't getting the subject matter. He was. The problem was that he was so distractingly charming while he was doing it.

When you had taken on the tutoring program at Hawkins High, you were expecting to pick up a few easy credentials to help beef up your college application and raise your chance for a scholarship. But when Steve Harrington walked into the study room, hopeful on getting help in Algebra, the butterflies in your stomach warned you that this wouldn't be the cakewalk you had expected.

"Are you my tutor?" he asked, settling in the seat kitty-corner from you at the table.

"You're here for Algebra, right?" you answered. The guidance office had only told you the time and place - nothing about the student you'd be tutoring. If you had known it'd be the hottest guy in school - maybe the hottest guy you'd ever laid your eyes on - you could have mentally prepared.

"Right," Steve answered. "Steve Harrington."

As if you didn't know. You gave him your name then immediately pointed down to his binder.

"What concept are you on?" you asked.

"No time to waste, huh?" Steve said. "You're a senior, too, right?"

Steve looked at you as you nodded, your expression clearly indicating that you were eager to just get on with the lesson. But he was intrigued by you - he'd seen you around and noticed how pretty you were, but had never learned your name.

"Yes," you answered.

"Have you been a tutor for long?" Steve asked.

"You're actually my first student," you said. The playful way his eyes travelled your face, taking you in, was not helping tame the butterflies.

"I'm honored," Steve said with a hand to his chest. "I'll do my best. Even though I'm crap at math."

"What grade are you sitting at?" you asked.

"A respectable D-plus," he answered.

"And what do you want to finish with?"

"Is an A+ possible?"

"With two months left of the semester, I'm not sure if-"

"If you can dream it, you can do it," Steve said, pointing a finger behind you. You turned to see the cheesy, space-themed poster with the motivational quote in white lettering.

You giggled and turned back around to face him. It was the first time he heard it, but Steve quickly surmised that he loved your laugh.

"We'll do our best," you said. "So, are you on quadratic equations?"

"Just finished that one," he answered. "We're on... functions, I think?"

"My favorite," you said. Steve noticed the hint of a smile on your face. How somebody could get excited about math was beyond him - but he didn't want to say anything about it in fears that you'd get offended.

You were obviously a bit on the shy side - diverting your gaze quickly and reshuffling in your seat - and he thought it was really, really cute.

He realized he wasn't going to get much more small talk in, and opened the binder you were staring at. He watched as you read through the list of the semester's assignments, taking inventory of each item.

“Two unit tests and a final exam left,” you summarized. “What’s today’s homework?”

Over the next hour, you spoke about math - and only math - with Steve. He didn’t need much help after you explained the strategy to him. After your first session, both of you had already felt confident that he had mastered the topics covered in the day’s homework.

“I can’t believe I get this,” Steve said in awe. “You’re, like... a wizard.”

“No,” you laughed. “You did all this.” You pointed to his writing on the lined paper in front of both of you.

“Couldn’t without you,” Steve replied.

You shared a smile with him and the warm feeling it gave you was familiar. All too familiar. It was a feeling that had only led to disappointment and hurt in the past. Your last relationship had crumbled and left you feeling broken. The break-up had only happened two weeks prior and it left an impact. You could never trust someone like that again.

“So, I think we’re booked here for Tuesdays and Thursdays after school, right?” you said, diverting your gaze and looking down at your agenda.

“Right,” Steve said. You were intriguing to him and he wanted to get to know you, but he realized you were not opening up any time soon.

After that first day, the two of you had four hour-long sessions before his next unit test. The following Thursday afternoon, he came in with a big smile and a piece of paper. It was the Algebra test he had taken the previous morning.

“B! A freakin’ B, man!” Steve boasted, holding the test paper up.

“Steve, shh!” you half-laughed, worrying his loud tone would get you kicked out from the library, even though you were in the confines of a closed study room.

He winced and chuckled, closing the door behind him.

“This is the best I’ve ever done on a math test,” he said. “You work miracles. Please tell me you’re going to be a teacher. You’re gonna make geniuses.”

Steve settled in his usual chair and showed you the test. You looked over it, feeling proud of him and good that you were able to help him achieve this.

“I’m still not sure,” you told him. “But my major will be math, so we’ll see where that takes me.”

Steve couldn’t tell you this - hell, you’d only talked about anything outside of math to him for a grand total of five minutes - but he’d never felt more confident about his intelligence before he met you.

You had a patient teaching style and a knack for explaining things in a way he could understand. Steve had also been unsure about his academic performance, and with his nasty break-up with Nancy that had hanging over his head since before you even starting tutoring him, he was finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe he had a future after all.

“Great job, Steve,” you said kindly. “Next is polynomials?”

Steve nodded, understanding that you were probably always going to keep him at a distance. He wished it wasn’t that way, but he figured if your paths ever crossed again, he’d give it another try. Hopefully then, you’d be willing to get to know him, too.

---

You walk into the video store on a Wednesday afternoon, headache still tight in your temples. Your Statistics class had been stressing you out and you needed a break. You figured a comedy movie you could turn your brain off to watch was the perfect cure.

You meander through the aisles. Steve, standing at the front counter, notices you before you notice him. Normally, he’d run over and help. But seeing you makes him nervous.

It’d been two years since you tutored him. He had finished his Algebra class with a high B, thanks to you, but never had a chance to speak with you again after your last tutoring session. High school was over and he knew nothing about you but your name, your college major, and some other little tidbits he picked up.

Steve always regretted not asking for your number, but you had seemed so closed off that he figured you’d say no. But here you are. Now. And it feels like a second chance.

Earlier that day, he had been upset that he was working a solo shift without Robin, who could make the hours go by quicker, but he’s relieved now that she’s not here to see his giddiness.

After a few minutes, you make your way to the counter, movie in hand. When you realize Steve is waiting on the other side of the tabletop, you feel the same flustered way you did when he walked in the study room ages ago.

“Hey,” you say, smiling with a tilt of your head. How did he get even cuter?

“Whoa, long time,” he replies, trying to play off that he had already seen you.

“Yeah,” you say. “How are you?”

“Living the dream.” Steve vaguely motions to the small video rental store you’ve both found yourself in. “Taking some time off before college. You?”

It’s his staple response in case anyone asks about his life plans. He can’t exactly tell people he’s staying in Hawkins in case the Upside Down opens up again, letting a slew of monsters in.

“Nice,” you answer sincerely. That’s something Steve likes about you - you’re not judgmental. “I’m at Hanover.”

“Cool,” Steve says. He always knew your smarts would get you far. “How’s that?”

“My Stats class is the reason I came in here. Just to find a distraction. It’s really doing a number on me.”

“Good one,” Steve says, finger pointed at you. You take a moment, then laugh.

“Oh... My brain is so... turned to mush that I didn’t even realize I made a pun.”

“I was always the one that had those ‘Ohhh...’ moments,” Steve laughs, thinking back to your tutoring sessions. “So, this is what it feels like to be on the other side. I feel smart.”

“You are smart, Steve,” you say, placing your selected VHS on the counter. “I don’t get how you never saw it.”

It means a lot to Steve to hear that - especially from you - and he doesn’t want to let you go again.

“How long are you in town?” he asks nervously, taking the tape and scanning it.

“Indefinitely,” you say with a chuckle. “I’m still living at home and commuting to school for now.”

“Oh,” Steve answers. “I’ve... I haven’t seen you around.”

“I... keep my circle small,” you tell him. It’s the truth. You can’t trust easily. The people you do trust are few and far between. He nods, looking at his screen.

“Have you rented here before? Do you have an account?”

“Not here,” you say, then tell him your information for the rental system.

“You looking for a three-day rental?” Steve asks.

“Sure, that’s fine,” you answer.

“Five dollars.”

You set the bill on the counter top.

“Are you busy with your circle Friday night?” he finally asks, eyes refusing to make contact with yours as he opens the till.

You smile to yourself. Despite the usual knee-jerk impulse you get telling you to stay far away from boys - especially ones as cute as Steve - you had only positive impressions of him. He always seemed sweet.

He puts the tape in a bag, along with a receipt.

“Have something in mind?” you ask.

“Dinner?” Steve asks. “And I promise we won’t talk about math. Especially not stats.”

You laugh, taking the bag he’s handing to you.

“Sure,” you say. “You have my number now, right?” You look at the small computer he had just been working on.

“Not creepy if I take it from the system?” he asks.

“Not if I give you permission,” you reassure. “Which I am.”

He lights up in the most adorable way and nods at you.

When you walk out, he replays the conversation in his head a bunch of times. And then he starts thinking about how he’ll call you tonight - and how to sound cool over the phone.

---

When Friday rolls around, Steve picks you up at 7 like you both had agreed to over the phone. You couldn't be happier to see him after a full day of studying.

You slide into his car, taking in the aroma of the cologne you remember smelling when you had sat closely together in your tutoring sessions. Some things never change.

The restaurant he chose is lovely and once you’re seated there, you smile at him from across the table, the candle between you flickering.

“I think this beats a study room,” he says.

“Were those tutoring sessions so bad?” you tease.

“No, no,” he quickly says, shaking his head.

“I know, I’m kidding,” you say. “It does beat a study room.” You smile at him again. Despite your mind’s protests to stay away from Steve, to protect yourself from all the potential pain he could cause, you let your heart take the lead.

The dinner zooms by as you two catch up on the past two years, starting from high school graduation to now. Steve omits the parts that would leave you running for the hills - anything involving monsters or Russian soldiers is off the table - but he opens up about everything else.

While you eat dessert together, Steve looks at you to appreciate your beauty for what feels like the millionth time.

"It's nice to get to know you," he says sincerely. You meet his gaze and take a deep breath before saying your next words.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t exactly... an open book back then,” you say. “In high school, I mean.”

“Oh no no, it’s okay,” Steve says. “You had a job to do. I respect it. You made me actually like math a little bit." You laugh, shaking your head.

“Still,” you say. “I... regret being so closed off. I just have some issues with... trusting people.” Steve watches you from across the table as you lower your gaze onto your dessert, playing with the food, chewing your bottom lip.

“How come?” he asks, voice low.

“Bad break-up,” you answer. “Bad relationship, actually.”

“That blows,” he says. "I'm sorry."

You look up at him to meet his eyes again. You force a smile. You wouldn’t be surprised if he decided then and there you weren’t worth the hassle. But his next words told you everything.

“When you’re ready, you can tell me more about it,” Steve says. “I know about bad break-ups, for what it’s worth.”

“You do?” you ask.

When Steve opens up about his heartbreak with Nancy, you feel the urge to hug him. He sprinkles in jokes while he tells you about it to try to downplay the pain he’d been in, but it doesn’t quite work - you can see the hurt in his grimace.

“Took me a while to get over that one,” Steve says. He takes a sip of his water. “Focusing on polynomials helped."

You smile, thinking back to your afternoons spent tutoring him.

"You decide to be a teacher yet?" Steve asks. "I always thought it was your calling. Remember when Harris thought I was cheating?"

You laugh, thinking back to Mr. Harris, the math teacher, having a serious talk with Steve to discuss his apparent cheating. Once Steve had told you about it, you went to Mr. Harris the next morning to vouch for him.

"I did so good that he thought I couldn't possibly have done it myself," Steve continues with a laugh. "Only a great tutor can improve their student so much that they're accused of cheating."

Beneath your laugh, your heart pains for Steve. When he had told you about the talk with Mr. Harris, who couldn't believe that Steve did so well on his own, you felt angry for him. He clearly already had insecurities about his smarts, and the rigid math teacher's accusations did not help.

"Like I always said, Steve, it's not the tutor," you say kindly. "I didn't go in and write that test for you. You did that yourself." Steve is trying not to show it, but your words make the butterflies wild in his stomach.

"I am, by the way," you tell him. "Going to try to become a teacher."

"In Hawkins?" he asks. He regrets the words immediately - maybe they seem too pushy for a girl not interested in opening up very much.

"Wherever will take me," you answer, unfazed.

The two of you share another smile, then the waiter drops off the bill. That doesn't stop your conversation, as you stay chatting in the emptying restaurant for another hour.

When you settle into the car and make your way down Main, you notice a line of red break lights. Traffic is at a complete standstill.

"What the hell..." Steve whispers. His heart tightens at the thought of it being something Upside Down-related.

He switches through radio stations, trying to find someone talking, and finally a couple minutes into a news station, he hears that a telephone pole collapsed, causing the slowdown but officials have said the repair won't take long. He breathes a sigh of relief.

"Everything ok?" you ask.

"Just glad it's not an accident or something worse," Steve admits. "Hawkins has been through enough."

You watch his profile, grinning to yourself at how kind he really is. He had told you about the Starcourt fire and how he had been there. You wish you were there to comfort him.

Steve looks over at you and you feel blood rush to your cheeks when you're caught staring.

"Steve has been through enough, too," you say, gazing ahead at the bumper in front of you. You don't see it, but he smiles at you and hopes you feel the same way about him that he does about you.

"I can turn around and take the outside roads?" he offers.

"Oh, it's okay, that'll take ages," you say. "I'm fine to wait if you are."

Within fifteen minutes of conversation, you feel yourself dozing off. The combination of studying all day and the darkness of the car makes your eyelids heavy. At this point, the car is slowly inching forward, as police let a few cars in your lane through, then a few in the opposite, but you are nodding off.

"No hard feelings if you want to nap," Steve says with a cute laugh. "I know you mentioned you had your head in a textbook since the morning."

"No," you say, a little too sternly. He tenses up a bit and swallows hard.

"Sorry, I-"

"Sorry," you interrupt. "It's not you. I just don't feel comfortable sleeping when people are around. A byproduct of the whole 'trust issues' thing."

Steve nods slowly, looking ahead, inching forward to follow the car in front of you. He gets the clearance to go into the opposite lane and can finally speed up.

"No problem," he says sincerely. "We're moving again so you'll be able to dream about math in your bed very shortly."

You laugh.

"You think I dream about math?" you ask.

"I still remember how excited you got about functions," Steve teases.

The two of you share light banter the rest of the short drive, but you're sure that after that outburst, Steve isn't interested anymore, and you scold yourself for thinking he could be trusted.

To your surprise, when he stops the car in front of your house, he rakes his hair back and looks at you with a small smile.

"Would you want to do this again?" Steve asks.

"Get teased about my love for math?" you reply.

"Yeah," Steve says with an adorable raise of his eyebrows.

"Yeah," you echo with a smile.

---

When the two of you make it official, you feel like you're living in a dream. Steve is kind of a perfect boyfriend - attentive, loving, and best of all, patient when your trust issues flare up and get the best of you.

When the Christmas break rolls around, the middle of the week lines up perfectly with your four-month anniversary since your first date.

Another thing you learned about Steve - he's very sentimental.

He plans a movie night at his apartment for that night and when you arrive, you smile when you see the fake pine tree you had helped him decorate just the weekend before.

"This side is way better, isn't it?" Steve asks, motioning to the left side - the one you had done - as you take your boots off.

"I think the perfectly-centered star on top beats it all," you say, remembering how carefully he had placed it.

Steve pulls you in for a tight hug, then gives you a tender kiss.

"Happy four months," he whispers. You smile and give him another kiss, his head in your hands, fingers brushing his soft hair.

Steve is much happier since he finally moved out of the house a month ago. You've definitely noticed a difference in the tension he would have when talking about his parents; if they weren't at home, they were grilling him about his future.

Here, in his small apartment, he's content. And you love seeing him like that.

You two settle on the couch and start your movie marathon, cuddled up and snacking. You didn't want to tell him just how tired you'd been - you felt you were just barely making it through your semester and he was so excited about this night that being exhausted might burst his bubble.

But five minutes into the first movie, you slip into your dreams.

When Steve notices your breathing deepen, he looks down to see you sleeping on his shoulder. His heart swells and warms at the sight. He gazes over your pursed lips and full eyelashes, and he swears that you look like an angel.

He stares ahead at the screen, afraid not to move, not to wake you.

These last four months with you have been his happiest. You'd told him you were slow to trust and he had no doubts that you were worth the wait.

When you wake up and realize you had fallen asleep on Steve, your heart fills with joy. Your mind and body had subconsciously decided he could be trusted.

"Good morning," he says sweetly. You rub your eyes and laugh, then shuffle to lie down on his lap, looking ahead at the screen. Steve grins, his fingers finding their way in your hair, lightly massaging at the roots.

"How long was I out for?" you ask.

"Only like ten minutes," he says.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asks, surprised.

"Falling asleep on our date."

Steve laughs. You turn to lie on your back, gazing up at your boyfriend's tender smile.

"You fell asleep on me," Steve states, a hint of wonder in his tone.

"I did," you say. He clearly understands the meaningfulness of what had just happened, and the care behind his eyes is impossible to miss.

"I trust you too, you know," Steve mumbles, calloused hand on your cheek. You nuzzle into his hand and laugh. "With my life. And with my grades."

"Same thing," you joke.

Steve looks down at you, his big hand on your cheek, his other in your hair, and wonders what he did to deserve you. Life had handed him quite a few curveballs the past few years, but you were his light at the end of the tunnel.

"What?" you ask, inquisitive about his stare.

"Just thinking about how much you mean to me," Steve says. "And how happy I am that I 're-met' you. You know, I always thought you were cute."

"I always thought you were cute."

He blushes at this.

"And I'm happy, too," you say. And it's the truth.

You never thought you could trust again, but Steve is living proof that it is possible. You don't know what will happen in the future, but your heart feels safe in Steve's hands.

---

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