#seriously job hunting is going so poorly

[cl3fairyyy]

hide and seek || edward nashton / the riddler x fem reader (nsfw !) ⋆｡𖦹°‧★

summary || your sex life recently with edward has been non existent. with him being so focused on his plans for gotham, you have found your needs being neglected. you decide to take initiative and plan a fun game for edward while he's at work.

warnings || SMUT!! there is plot but this is pretty much straight up porn lol. reader and edward role-play a kidnapping scenario but everything is consensual!! slapping, restraints, degradation, light knife play, overstimulation, p in v, pussy eating, choking, hunting(?kind of?), (fake) threats of violence, mentions of stalking, the suit stays ON during sex, some weird purity/ corruption stuff in this idk i think a demon possessed me halfway through writing this. minors please do not interact!!

word count || 4k i did not mean for it to be this long oopsie!!

notes || i haven't written smut in a LONG time so i am so sorry if this is straight up garbage pls go easy on me. recently reread year one and im seriously going insane the hyperfixation is so back guys. i love writing edward so much especially when it comes to writing some nasty porn about him LOL. i srsly had no idea how to end this so its kinda bad sorry D:

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚★⋆｡˚ ⋆ ┊ ┊ ┊ ⋆ ┊ ┊ ★⋆ ┊ ◦ ★⋆ ┊ . ˚ ˚★

In recent months, you have found yourself growing increasingly frustrated. For the longest time, you haven’t had the faintest idea of what has been causing this, and that has caused it to manifest itself in various ways throughout your everyday life. You have found yourself much more easily annoyed by the most minor inconveniences, and have had repeated warnings at work to stop arguing with customers over the pettiest of matters. 

One afternoon in late November, whilst attempting to share in your boyfriend’s body heat on the sofa of your freezing living room, watching the news and listening to him ramble about finally ‘revealing the truth,’ it hits you. 

Edward hasn’t fucked you in months. 

Even before this change, you didn’t have the most active sex life- you were both too busy holding down your day jobs whilst simultaneously investigating the corruption poorly concealed beneath Gotham’s cobbled streets. Still, you’d find the time every other week or so to take care of each other. 

You love having sex with Edward; he’s so gentle with you, handling you like a precious gem that will shatter if dropped. He always makes sure your needs are met before he even thinks of himself, worshipping your body with an obsession akin to a deeply faithful Catholic’s love for Christ himself.  

But sometimes... it can get boring. Not as boring as not having sex at all, but boring enough that you often find yourself lying awake at night, longing for Edward to keep up his Riddler persona for just a little while longer after he arrives home from doing whatever he does to have the coppery scent of blood soaking into the walls of your small apartment. 

You know your frustration will only worsen the longer you go without having sex, so you decide to do a small experiment. 

You take the next few days off work, pretending to be sick, and Edward, usually ever attentive to your every need, your Edward, who begins panicking if you all but sniffle the wrong way, barely notices. With your theory proven that his work has been turning him into someone who is evidently not your sweet Edward, you begin doing everything you can for even an ounce of attention from him. You give him shoulder massages after he returns home from a long day at work, cook him his favourite meals, run baths for him, at some point it evolves into you all but throwing yourself at him, and you have to take a step back to reevaluate your approach. Being that desperate for sex is not a good look, especially when your boyfriend is completely oblivious to how horny you are.  

You decide you need to formulate a plan to force him to focus on you. 

It starts with the lingerie. You scour the shopping apps on your phone for an embarrassingly long time, trying to find something perfect. You eventually come across a pretty lilac set, its sheer mesh bra framed with soft ruffles and feminine frills to accentuate your chest, and immediately order it, even begrudgingly spending a little extra for next day delivery. 

The next step of your plan is to come up with a simple puzzle, something stimulating but still to the point- you're so horny that you know the next time you’re in a room with Edward while he still has that Riddler costume on, it’s going to take some real self-restraint to stop yourself from ripping it off him.  

The final step of your plan is waiting for the perfect moment to put everything into action. You realise it isn’t the most complicated or glamorous scheme to ever exist, but if it manages to work and allows you to finally get some action, you won’t be complaining.  

One evening, when it’s well past 5pm, and definitely well past the time Edward should have been home from the office, you get a text from your beloved. 

hi honey, moved tuesday’s plans forward to today. got an opening with savage and cant miss it. will be home late- ill pick up food on my way back. love you. 

we’re finally making some REAL change : ) 

You almost leap out of your chair with excitement, rushing around the apartment to make sure everything is in place for your little game of hide and seek. 

When Edward finally returns home, the apartment is dark- it’s well past 11pm, so he figures you’re in bed. He sighs, setting down the takeaway bag on the coffee table and calling out your name, pausing when you don’t answer. You always wait up for him when he’s running his late-night ‘errands.’ When he thinks about it more, he realises you didn’t even text him back earlier this evening; you’ve been sick, too- what if you collapsed, or had complications, or worse?  

Before he can begin panicking, he finally notices the lit candle on the kitchen counter. Next to it is a piece of paper, which Edward gingerly picks up with shaking hands, reading the five words scrawled across it. 

‘Dear Riddler, 

Come find me.’ 

Confusion clouds Edward’s mind for a moment before he realises that he’s reading your handwriting, and the sweet flowery scent giving him a headache is his favourite perfume of yours. He stands still for a moment, rereading the note as the familiar feeling of want begins to curl in his lower belly. You’ve never actually addressed him as the Riddler before. 

He definitely likes it. 

You crouch uncomfortably in your hiding space beneath the dining table, straining your ears against the silence of the apartment as you try to gauge how Edward has taken your little game based off his breathing. You hear the rustling of fabric and the sound of something zipping up, and realise he must’ve slipped his jacket and mask back on because his breaths are definitely muffled now.  

He begins taking slow, deliberate steps around the apartment, his combat boots loudly thudding on the wooden floorboards as he does so. You suddenly feel very vulnerable in only your undergarments and wonder if this is how his victims must feel, a thrill tingling deliciously up your spine. 

You shift a little in your spot, trying to find a way to crouch comfortably while also remaining out of sight. Your heart pounds so hard in anticipation of being spotted that you’re sure Edward can hear it, especially when his footsteps begin to head towards your hiding spot.  

You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to keep the sound of your breathing to an absolute minimum; the silence in your apartment is deafening and, for the first time in all the years you have known him, you begin to feel almost weary of Edward’s presence. In this moment, you’re not just Edward’s partner. 

You’re his prey. 

So wrapped up in your own mind, you don’t hear Edward’s footsteps behind you. You feel two strong, gloved hands grab your hips and rip you out of your thoughts. You squeal giddily as Edward throws you onto the wooden dining table, biting your lip to stifle the giggles that threaten to spill out. 

Edward looms over you, his glasses glinting in the moonlight that seeps into the apartment through the cracks in the blinds. He is completely silent, save for the heavy breaths muffled by his mask. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and raspy, and the sound of it sends tiny shivers of excitement up your arms. 

“I’ve been watching you for so long. Every move you make, I’ve followed from the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to snatch you up. Do you know how hard it’s been? Hearing your pathetic whimpers while you fuck yourself every night, and having to wait until it’s me making you unravel? But now I have you here, all to myself, and no one is around to save you.” 

The sight of him like this, so indescribably large compared to you, looking down on you like a lion that has captured its prey and is about to rip it to shreds- it sends sparks of arousal through you that pool in your sheer underwear. You look up at Edward through your eyelashes, smiling innocently. 

“Looks like you caught me.” 

With that, he drags you up, throwing you over his shoulder as he heads towards your bedroom. Your face burns, unsure of when or how he got so strong, and the anticipation of what he is about to do to you sends tingles of delight down your spine. 

Edward throws you carelessly onto the bed before straddling you. He wordlessly grasps your wrists in one gloved hand, holding them above your head while he rips off a piece of duct tape from the roll that dangles from his belt, and binds them together securely. He subtly tilts his head to the side, and you can read him so well at this point that you know he’s asking if your restraints are too tight. You shake your head, and he immediately melts back into character, sweeping his gaze down your exposed body predatorily.  

His gloved hands reach forward, roughly groping your breasts, pinching and rolling your clothed nipples between his fingers. You squeak, writhing beneath him, deciding to put on a bit of a show with it. 

“P... please, don’t...” you whimper pathetically, bucking your hips into his. You hear him groan under his breath above you, removing one hand from your chest to grip your chin harshly, squishing your cheeks together. “Shut up.” His voice is low and dangerous when he speaks, a complete contrast to the sweet voice Edward usually addresses you with. “You’re trapped here, and no one is coming for you. You can scream as loud as you want, it won’t make a difference.” 

“You’re so pitiful, dressed up like one of those whores on the street just to get my attention.” He breathes out slowly, slipping a gloved finger beneath your bra to massage your nipple. “I can’t say it hasn’t worked, but a whore is still a whore. You need to be cleansed, like the rest of the filth in this city, and the only person willing to do that is me. That’s why,” he pauses, the hand gripping your chin roughly yanking your mouth open as he leans over you, pulling up his mask slightly and spitting in your mouth, “you will take everything I give to you like a grateful little bitch.” 

He slaps your face, hard enough to sting but not enough to bruise, and you swallow the mixture of your saliva and his. You can’t stop the moan that slips out from between your parted lips, and he locks eyes with you, his pupils blown so wide with arousal that his eyes appear completely black in the low light. He leans forward again, pulling up his mask, and harshly kisses you, pushing his tongue into your mouth as his knee forces your legs apart. You whimper when you feel his erection brush against your thigh and he bites down on your bottom lip, hard. He moves his focus to your neck and collarbones, attacking the sensitive skin with kisses and bites, marking every inch of you that’s visible. 

“This is so,” he murmurs breathlessly between fervent kisses to your skin- and, Christ, is he smelling you?- “everyone knows you were fucked by the Riddler. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? For everyone to know that you’re such a whore that getting fucked by a serial killer gets that pathetic cunt of yours completely soaked.” You moan at his words, arching your back to press your chest against his as you grind against his knee. 

“Such a needy little thing. One touch from me and you’re already at my complete disposal.” He leans back on his heels to look over you, your hair a complete mess, your lips swollen and as red as the flush on your skin. The strap of your bra has slipped down your shoulder and Edward’s breaths become haggard as he reaches for the knife on his belt; he cuts away the fabric hiding your breasts from him, much to your dismay (that lingerie set was pretty fucking expensive), and immediately takes one of your nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud before biting down lightly. You moan louder, squirming against your restraints and trying to pull away from him. 

He slaps you again, harder this time, running the flat side of his knife against the mark that begins blooming on your cheek. “If you don’t shut up and take it like a good girl, I'll have to hurt you.” He presses a chaste kiss to your parted lips. “I wouldn’t want to ruin a face as pretty as yours.” 

You whimper, rubbing your clothed core against Edward’s thigh, feeling the arousal in your lower belly build from the stimulation. Edward certainly doesn’t miss this, his eyes widening slightly as he peels your underwear away from your pussy. A string of your own slick connects you to the mesh fabric, and you can hear the amusement in Edward’s voice when he says, “oh, I’m going to ruin you.” 

He cuts your underwear away, dragging his knife down your body painfully slowly. You shiver from the cool metal, whining from frustration when Edward’s gloved fingers spread your glistening folds, pointedly ignoring your throbbing clit. 

“You pathetic girl... so wet for me. No one else could get you to react like this from their words alone, could they?” You shake your head rapidly, wiggling your hips in an attempt to get closer to Edward’s fingers. “Say it, then.” He begins lazily rubbing circles into your clit, causing you to cry out with relief at him finally touching you. He runs the blunt end of his knife across your neck, twisting it in his hand so the tip presses into your skin, not quite breaching your flesh. “Nice and clear for me. Tell me that you’re my bitch.” 

You moan when he begins speeding up his movements on your clit, stumbling over your words. “I.. I’m your- your b-” He cuts you off with another slap to your cheek, and the action sends a sharp jolt of pleasure right to your clit, causing you to choke out a moan. “Not quite, pretty girl. Try again. Whose bitch are you?” Your eyes narrow with confusion for a second before you realise what he wants you to say. 

“I’m th- the Riddler’s bitch.” 

He nods, satisfied, pushing two gloved fingers inside of you while the other continues rubbing your clit. You can feel your orgasm approaching embarrassingly fast, whimpering and giving Edward a pleading look. 

He nods wordlessly and you unravel, your orgasm enveloping your body in a blissful warmth as your pussy clenches hard around Edward’s fingers. He breathes out through his nose, hard, as he watches you cum, his cock throbbing at the feeling of your pussy spasming around his fingers.  

Edward pulls his fingers out of you when your body finally finishes shaking, inspecting your wetness on them in the low light of your bedroom for several moments, before pushing them under his mask and sucking them clean. He moans at the taste of you, and you feel his dick twitching against your leg as he closes his eyes, savouring you. He sighs, opening his eyes. 

“I need more.” 

Before you can react, he’s gripping your waist with strong hands, dragging your body up against him, holding you up almost completely off the bed, and hooking your legs over his shoulders. Edward gazes at your drenched cunt with a hunger in your eyes that you've never seen displayed by him, his breaths deep and shaky as he smells the arousal leaking out of you. You squeak, thighs still quivering from your previous orgasm. 

“W-wait, Ed- Riddler, I... I’m still t-too sensitive for...” You cut yourself out with a cry of pained pleasure as he latches his mouth onto your pussy, pushing his tongue into your sensitive hole. You sob as he sucks on your clit, shocks of overstimulation wracking through you as you weakly kick your legs against him, your body growing limp. The sounds Edward makes as he devours your pussy are obscene, the room filling with echoes of your cries and Edward’s moans as he sucks and licks crudely at your sex. 

He pulls away occasionally, praising and degrading you in barely coherent pussydrunk babbles: “such a perfect girl for me,” “stupid bitch, such a needy whore for your savior,” “so pretty with mascara running down your face,” “any louder and I'll give you a real reason to cry,” “taste so good, i need all of you.” And it’s all so much, his tongue writhing so deep inside you, the grip of his hands on your ass, the cool leather biting into your flesh, the way he moans and ruts into the bed from the taste of you, and before you can even breathe you’re cumming again, and you’re cumming so hard your back lifts off the bed entirely, the strength of your orgasm rocking you all the way to your core. Your mind goes blank as a chain of choked moans and sobs spill from between your lips, all you can focus on being the way Edward continues to fuck you with his tongue all the way through your orgasm. You can feel your slick sliding down your thighs, and when Edward pulls away you can see it dripping down his chin, and you don’t miss the proud grin on his face as he pulls down his mask. 

He drops you back onto the bed, straddling you once more and wiping your slick from his chin with his finger, motioning for you to open your mouth. You obey him and he pushes the digit inside, motioning for you to suck it clean. When he pulls his finger from your mouth, his eyes darken, and you can practically feel the smug smile in his words. “Such a good little girl for me, aren’t you? No one can make you cum like I can... and I can still smell how horny you are for me. You’re so needy, yet you’re never satisfied.” 

He tilts his head, and the dim light from the lamp behind him illuminates him similarly to a halo, and you almost find yourself beginning to create a religion in your head just to worship him. 

“I don’t think you’re being very grateful.” 

You begin crying out words of thanks, rubbing your legs together to lessen the ache of overstimulation. Edward's knees cage you in, and he grips one of your thighs with his hands. 

“Quit your grovelling and stop fucking moving when I’m talking to you.” His hand travels to your face, cupping your cheek with a surprising tenderness as he sighs. “You’re still so filthy... look what this city has done to you. I suppose I’m your last hope.” 

He unbuckles his belt and unzips his trousers, finally freeing his cock from its confines. The tip is an angry red and leaks with precum, and Edward lets out a breathy moan as he strokes it. He spreads your legs, lining himself up with your sex and pushing into you slowly. He gazes down at you, a complete mess beneath him, and groans. “You’re so lucky... being fucked by Gotham’s salvation...” 

You can barely think, let alone speak, and when Edward begins moving his hips, his thumb finding your clit and massaging it, you sob, tears streaming down your cheeks. He moves in and out of your agonisingly slowly, and when you look up at him, you can make out that his eyes are closed as he savours the feeling of you. 

“Your virgin pussy is so... so fucking tight. Oh... h-how does it feel to be fucked by your saviour? Your God?” 

You sniffle beneath him, choking on your sobs as he speeds up to a punishing pace, his cock bruising your insides. He grabs at every inch of you, his hands finding refuge around your throat. 

“Oh, you’re so good. You were so filthy, but I will cleanse you. I will purify you; I will plant the seed of hope within you, and you will be saved.” 

He babbles on as he fucks you, squeezing his fingers around your throat, verging on crushing your windpipe but never quite gripping hard enough. You cry out for him, so cockdrunk and lightheaded from your sudden lack of oxygen that you find yourself looping your bound wrists around his neck, pulling him forward and crashing your lips to the rough leather of his mask. He makes a noise of surprise before his fingers once again find your clit, rubbing at it desperately as his hips begin to stutter against your own. 

Edward, ever the gentlemen, wants you to cum before him; you feel your cheeks grow warm at the thought, and pull away to look at him. You can barely keep your focus on him, your vision going hazy, and he begins assaulting your clit with more fervor. 

“Be a good little angel and cum for your savior.” 

Your vision goes white as the orgasm rips through you, your entire body spasming as your pussy clenches down hard on Edward’s cock. He has to stop moving to prevent himself from cumming as he guides you through your own orgasm, his fingers weaving through your hair as he coos at you. 

“Yes, that’s it. Such a perfect girl. So pretty cumming on my cock.” 

He begins speeding up again, his hips slapping against yours with a clumsy rhythm, his breathy moans growing louder and more desperate with each thrust. You lay, exhausted, whimpering incoherent words of encouragement to him as he chases after his own climax. 

You feel him begin to pull out and you weakly wrap your legs around his hips. “W-want you inside. Need... need you to cleanse me from the inside.” 

Your words are what tip Edward over the edge, and he whimpers loudly as his cum spills inside you, his hips grinding into yours as he relishes in the aftershocks of his orgasm. 

Thank God you're on birth control.

Edward slowly pulls out of you and cuts the duct tape that binds you, gently pressing kisses to the insides of your wrists. He pulls off his fogged up glasses and his mask, placing a gentle kiss to your lips as he smiles at you worriedly. 

“I didn’t go too far, did I?” 

There's your lovely Eddie.

You shake your head, laughing weakly and he smiles, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he helps you to your feet and guides you to the bathroom, letting you use his body for support. Edward sits you on the lip of the bath and dampens a towel, gentle cleaning you up and placing loving kisses to every bare patch of skin he can reach. He reluctantly leaves you alone to freshen up as he straightens up the bed, changing into his pajamas and finding your favourite t shirt of his to sleep in. 

When you re-enter the bedroom, with a slight limp that Edward definitely notices but refuses to comment on, he dresses you and tucks you into bed before lying next to you, brushing your hair out of your eyes. 

“Sorry I’ve been so... distant lately.” 

When you go to answer him, he rubs his thumb soothingly on your cheek and you get the message that he hasn’t finished talking. 

“We have big things planned, we both know that, but... it wasn’t right of me to not look after you when, now that I look back at it, you really made it obvious that you needed me to. I hope you can forgive me.” 

You smile, pressing a shy kiss to Edward’s lips. 

“Don’t apologise, Eddie. There’s nothing to be sorry for. You can apologise tomorrow when I can’t feel my legs or sit down properly for a week.” 

He laughs and buries his face in your neck, inhaling your scent.  

“I really love you, you silly girl. A-and..."

He pulls away from you but continues to avert his gaze, his cheeks pink and a lopsided grin tugging at his lips.

"The, um, th-the lingerie was very pretty, you looked really lovely. I'm, ah, sorry about..."

He doesn't meet your eyes and you snort, bringing a hand to rest on his cheek with a fond smile.

"Yeah. That I'm not so quick to forgive. You have no idea how expensive nice underwear is when you're a woman."

Edward laughs shyly, delicately holding your wrist and pressing tender kisses to your palm that leave you melting. The heat in his eyes, however, is undeniable.

"I absolutely will not complain if you decide to spend all my money on pretty lingerie and then decide to model said lingerie for me."

"You're unbelievable."

You both laugh as Edward continues peppering soft kisses up your arm, then your bruising neck before finally meeting your lips in a tender kiss. He pulls away, and the way he looks at you with such love and adoration almost makes you tear up.

Edward twirls a strand of hair around his finger, pulling you closer to his chest. His fingers reach up and he begins combing them through your hair properly, whispering sweet praise to you as you find yourself dozing off.

#dano riddler #dano riddler x reader #edward nashton #edward nashton x reader #paul dano #riddler 2022 #riddler x you #batman 2022 #edward nashton x you #riddler x reader #danocel #danonation #dano!riddler #the riddler #the riddler x reader #the riddler x you

[kettlefire]

SuperPhantom!

(Written while high and half asleep)

"Excuse me?"

Danny shouldn't have said anything, like he really really shouldn't have. But he's at work, and this two hunters are poorly trying to discuss a case without him catching on.

Worse of all, they have their information completely wrong. Seriously, who thinks Shades are ever the real danger?

"I said you guys are looking at the wrong creature." Danny shrugged, standing at the edge of their both. The two hunters were clearly bigger than him, and maybe he was a little worried that he might garner unwanted attention.

But he couldn't let them just harm the poor things.

"We don't know what you're talking about."

Okay, the shorter one definitely has an anger problem. It's fine, Danny's dealt with Argon he can deal with this jackass. The taller one, actually seemed like he wanted to listen to what Danny had to say.

"If you want to waste you're time exterminating all the harmless Shades in the haunt, by all means go for it." Danny bit back, rolling his eyes at the glare he received. "I just figured you'd like to know that Shades' aren't strong enough to affect electricity, let alone kill someone."

Danny paused, glancing over his shoulder as his manager called his name. Right, he was at work, he can't spent all his time educate the two idiots on ghost kind.

"Well I have a job to get to so just, just... next time you talk about a hunt in public, try to be a little more discrete."

The looks and whispers he saw for the rest of his shift made him kind of regret speaking up, keyword being kind of. Danny's made quiet a good connection with every Shade he's come in contact with.

He'd be one lousy Ghost King if he just let people end Shades left and right.

He figured he was free from the scrutiny when the men paid their check and left. He watched the old car pull out of the parking lot, figured he managed to lose their interest.

That was until he was closing up the diner, and was ready to head home. Which is what he wanted to do, planned to do. Until he turned around from locking the door.

The old car sat in the empty parking lot, men standing outside of it, no doubt waiting for him.

#supernatural #danny fenton #danny phantom #superphantom crossover #superphantom #ghost king danny #supernatural danny phantom #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #Danny cares about all his ghosts #even the ones that try to take over the world #Sam def convinces Dean to go to Danny for more information #But Dean def is going to play the interrogation card #because how dare this twig of a child act like he knows more about hunting then the most seasoned hunters #impala #the impala #danny doesn't know cares; he's just positive that thing is old as hell #Server!Danny #Danny living his life as a small diner waiter

[showtoonzfan]

I think Viv needs to work on being consistent with her characters and how their actions are treated by the fandom. I don't hate the show or anything but it needs to be addressed.

Stella almost slaps Stolas and is verbally abusive. Abuses butler whilst angry with Stolas and throwing him around. Hires Striker to kill Stolas.

Val abuses Angel sexually, financially and verbally treats people around him poorly.

Fandom: Pure Evil! They are beyond redemption (not that I want them redeemed but still).

Stolas sexually harasses Blitzo, belittles him and manipulates him into a one-sided relationship where Blitzo needs to fuck him in order to keep his business afloat. Calls Blitzo as he's getting hunted by Martha and coerces him into sex whilst Blitzo is getting shot at despite Blitzo hissing now is not a good time to call. Hurts imp butler while bitching at ex wife and not noticing Octavia slipped out of the mansion until Blitzo alerted him. Also wanted Blitzo to kill some people causing his associates trouble since they were trying to raise awareness on Climate Change.

Blitzo stalks his coworkers despite Moxxie being uncomfortable with it, belittles Moxxie and threatens to sexually assault him and Millie if Moxxie fucks up the job again.

Loona insults Moxxie, beats Blitzo down for telling her to be merely nicer to their customers and kicks him in the nuts after giving a speech to Octavia to cut Stolas slack.

Fandom: That's just how they express their love, they can't help it. Cut them some slack, they just need time to get better.

Something isn't adding up here...

The thing is, if the show was simply just a dark comedy where you can just laugh and have fun with these bad characters in Hell, I wouldn’t be so mad, but nah, we can’t have that! We have to make them forcefully moral and baby them like children, treat them like helpless traumatized babies who can do no wrong while painting certain characters as evil as if this is a kids cartoon. As I’ve said before, the fandom is a bunch of hypocrites, saying the show is set in hell yet only taking the sides of the main characters which they forgot are ALSO bad people. The problem with the show is that they try to joke around and hammer in how bad these characters are, and had the show just embraced that WITHOUT pulling some deep complex bullshit, it wouldn’t be so bad, but since Vivzie decided Helluva should be a deep emotional show you need to take seriously, that’s what ruined everything. Again, this would only work for a show like Hazbin, because that’s about redemption and being moral, but Helluva isn’t, and if you introduce your show as a “turn your brain off” comedy with characters we can acknowledge are evil, only to then turn around and try to make us sympathize with them, it doesn’t work. It’s funny because Viv said she loves villains so much, yet never portrays her main characters as such. She would rather insist that they’re “bad but not THAT bad”- deep down, and that’s what turns me off for Helluva, because how are you going to make a show about demon assassins who kill humans on earth, make comedy centered around how bad they are, yet boringly humanize them all and create one note characters that are worse than them to serve as the bad guys. I just wish Viv would acknowledge her characters are all horrible people WITHOUT pulling some moral bullshit or sappy stuff. Again, EMBRACE how bad they are, not guilt trip us into feeling bad for them.

#vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #helluva boss critical #helluva critical #hazbin critical #Hazbin hotel #helluva boss #anti vivziepop #helluva boss Stella #helluva boss fandom

[quinloki]

Quicksand - ALTERNATIVE

If you haven't read Quicksand up to chapter 5 you're going to be terribly confused.

Fem Reader x Sir Crocodile

CW: Language, violence, blood, moral ambiguity, murder, sexual themes and situations, yandere, angst with a happy ending, a referenced instance of physical abuse. 18+ only

ADDITIONAL CW: Dub-con, kidnapping, imprisonment

The alternative version picks up at Chapter 6- there's a lot of overlap for the first few chapters as the story slowly peels away from the original. The alternative chapters explore Sir Crocodile's yandere tendencies in a setting where the reader rejects him (vs the original where she never ran).

You can read it as it posts to Tumblr, or sate your curiosity on AO3 // Wattpad immediately.

Chapter 7: Shifting

Going to work was utterly nerve-wracking, to the point that you nearly considered calling off. Spending the day job hunting seemed like a better use of your time than spending the day nearly ready to vomit because you weren’t sure when the CEO would decide on a surprise visit.

You checked your phone one last time to see that there weren’t any missed calls or messages. You hadn’t heard from him since you left, and it was one-half a relief, and one-half a concern. Sunday, you had been in a fit of sleeplessness and nerves, randomly napping when your tension had simply forced you to rest. Last night at least you got a few hours in a row, and hopefully it would be enough to get you through the day.

Getting into the office, you checked in with Buggy. He gave you an odd look, but wasn’t prompted to say anything. You’d come into work on Monday’s a little strained before, but it had been quite a few months since anything had happened to cause it. You wanted to ask him if Crocodile had said anything, but if something was already being done against you from an employment standpoint you were sure Buggy would’ve cut to the chase and let you know.

Asking about Crocodile yourself would’ve been completely out of character for you. Your job was almost entirely internal within the West branch, you had no direct concerns or contact with the CEO. You barely had direct contact with anyone higher up the ladder than Buggy.

"So, how'd it go?" Alvida questions as soon as you were out of Buggy's office. Her voice had the usual almost melodic tone it got when she knew she was on the verge of juicy gossip.

"Horrid," you assert, and something on your face must have backed you up because Alvida’s entire demeanor slumped.

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” She gives you a hug, patting your back a little. “I expected if it went poorly you would’ve come in with too much makeup or a really bad new haircut.”

You snort and lean into her hug a little. Alvida was a good friend, and even as the main hub of gossip in the office, she’d never betray your actual trust.

“It was good for a moment, but,” you heave a big sigh before moving to sit at your desk and begin to work. “Well, I got cold feet I guess.”

“At least it wasn’t Buggy.” Alvida offers, starting a pot of coffee for the three of you.

“Haa, I almost wish it was.” You admit with a chuckled sigh.

“… Oh dear.” Alvida replies after a moment’s shock. “Can I… I mean, you need to talk about it?”

You shake your head. “I don’t want to just yet, and I don’t even know that I should.”

“Alright. Well, if you just need someone to confide in or vent to, you can trust me, (Y/N).” Alvida says, setting a cup of coffee next to you before sitting at her nearby desk.

“I know Alvy, thank you.”

You start sorting through your work, making idle talk with Alivda.

“Do you know what Buggy did over the weekend?” You ask with a little less energy than you meant.

"He's been working on starting his own business. I guess he's been consulting with some of his old friends." Alvida said absently.

"Oh wow." You stop working and look over at her. "Seriously?"

Alvida shrugs. "As seriously as I think he does anything. I have no idea what kind of business it is."

“Huh… I wonder if he needs any help organizing it.”

Alvida nearly drops the papers she’s working on. “You? Change jobs?” She looks completely flabbergasted. “I… mean this as politely as possible, but I honestly thought you’d retire from here. No risks, no changes, no leaps of faith. You fit in well here and enjoy it, I’m surprised.”

“Mm, maybe I could use a challenge.” You say with a small smile as you return to your organizing. “Besides, it’s not that much of a change, I already know how to handle and work with Buggy.”

“Fair.”

The two of you worked in silence for a while longer before you came across a piece of information that nearly made you groan. "The auction next week is being hosted by Donquixote Doflamingo?"

Just what you needed. Another Warlord in your life.

"Yeah, the CEO of SMILE, Inc.? Well, new CEO, he stepped up after retiring from modeling last year, didn't he?"

"Beats me," you admit with a shrug, wondering internally how many of the Warlords had legitimate businesses as fronts. "Isn't SMILE a pharmaceutical company? From Model to CEO of something like that seems like a heck of a leap."

"Oh, I'm sure he pulled some strings," Alvida says. "His money has money." You snort at her sarcasm. "Still, they say he was educated in the Holy Lands, so he's probably smarter than he looks."

Alvida flips her phone and holds it out to you. There's a picture of a tall, well-built man on the beach in glaringly pink swim trunks with hair so blonde it's almost lost in the sunlight. His shaggy hair is drenched, and it looks good on him that way. You can feel the arrogance rolling off of him in the photo, it's obvious he's aware he's being photographed.

"I'm surprised he's retired from modeling." You admit. "He's not even thirty yet, I can't imagine."

"He's been doing that work since he was 16, I think? He might just be tired of it." Alvida says, seemingly disinterested. "He'd be cuter if he wasn't so aware of his good looks."

"Can you get me a behavioral write up on him before the Auction?" You ask. "I know we usually have more time with these big profile events, but anything would help."

"Sure, I'll have Galdino and Cabaji help me." She assures you. "Think you're going to have trouble corralling him during the auction?"

"Maybe. Better to over prepare than under prepare." You roll your shoulders and release some of the building tension and check your phone. Still no messages. That’s good, you can focus on the task at hand.

Aside from dealing with Doflamingo for a couple of days, you also have to brace yourself to see Sir Crocodile again. He’ll be present during the auction proper, though, if you can make it work you may be able to hand things off to Alvida that day. He’s technically a visitor from another branch, so you don’t have to work with him at all.

It depends on how you feel in a week’s time. If you think you can face Sir Crocodile neutrally, then you will. Otherwise, there’s no shame in hiding behind your good friend who hasn’t slept with the CEO of your company.

You get things organized and pop into Buggy’s office for a moment before going on your rounds to check in on all the teams.

“Hey boss,” you say evenly, pulling out the pages about the upcoming auction. “Can you see if you can get us some extra hands? Donquixote is a big name even in big names, and I’d like to make sure the staff is beyond capable of tending to any requests he may have while he’s here.”

“As flashily as I can!” Buggy says with a smile. “Feeling better?”

You smile a little and nod. “Yeah, sorry for worrying you this morning, boss.”

“Bah, it’s fine. As long as you’re feeling better.” Buggy waves a hand.

“I hear you’re starting a business, boss.” You say pointedly, causing him to flinch.

“Ah, ha ha, I mean, I’m sure I could use your help… (Y/N).” Buggy answers rather sheepishly, almost hiding behind his desk.

You chuckle a little. “I was thinking it was about time I started looking for a new job, so you can certainly keep me in mind, boss.”

Buggy lights up almost instantly, practically screeching with glee. “(Y/N)! You would be an immense help! You’re so much better at organizing people and things than I am, and you’re really good with words and getting people to do what you need, and I’m not failing or anything so far, but I would be so relieved to have your help.”

“Let’s get through this auction, and we can talk about details.” You say, pointing at the papers you’ve left behind. “I’m going to check on the teams and do my rounds, but I’ll be back for this copy later, so make those calls, boss.”

The rest of the day went on without incident and you headed home only a little later than usual. Being able to work through lunch while still getting to eat lunch made the day go smoothly, and you were grateful for Buggy's consideration. There was less stress after work as well, knowing that you wouldn't have quite the mountain to deal with the next day.

On top of everything else he had managed to get some extra hands to help out during the auction, and even better than that, Buggy himself would be coordinating them. All you had to do was determine how they would be utilized, and then your boss would oversee them. Leaving you to focus on Doflamingo, and eventually, possibly Sir Crocodile.

You really did want to just quit and leave the Metro before the auction, but it would leave Buggy and Alvida in the lurch and you didn’t want to do that to them.

The drive home was dull and long. Traffic was terrible this time of the evening, and honestly you should’ve just stayed at work for a couple of hours and gotten more done before trying to get home. Hindsight and all that. You listen to some music and meander your way home without incident.

After you get inside your apartment you check your phone and see a message.

From Sunawani.

Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, you open it up and read it.

Sunawani: The auction was supposed to happen in the South Branch. I can have it returned to that venue if you prefer, but I wanted to be clear I didn’t know it had been changed until today.

You: It’s okay. Thank you, and I’m sorry.

You pause for a moment and then continue. Admitting your plan won’t hurt anything, and maybe it’ll help him to move on as well.

You: After the auction I’m putting in my notice.

Sunawani: I will be true to my word, Miss (Y/N). You aren’t required to leave.

You: I know. I just need to.

Sunawani: Need?

You: Yes.

You: I don’t want to get into it.

There was a long enough silence you set your phone down and went about your evening routine. You took a shower, changed into comfortable clothes, and started something to eat before you checked your phone again.

Sunawani: Very well.

The two words twist your heart a little and you put the phone down. There’s no other response that would’ve gone well, but the finality in the statement stings more than you expected. The conversations of the last two months start dancing through your head and twist your stomach so hard you’re barely able to eat. You pack the leftovers into the fridge and go to bed early.

Your rest is restless, and your dreams are full of sand and citrus and cigar smoke.

. . . . . .

After Monday you kept feeling like you were being watched. You couldn't find anything definitive, but there was a powerful sense of being stalked that itched at you randomly. You wrote it off as being stressed about the auction at first, but as things progressed for the preparations you were less and less stressed.

Despite the lessening job-related stress, the strange sensation wasn't abating.

Alvida’s write up on Doflamingo prompted you to practice with Dandy to prepare for the man’s arrival. Practicing with Dandy went well. Aside from the fact that you spent a couple hours every day interacting with him in the first place. You were, at least, finding a decent space between fully business and marginally interested.

You'd need to fawn over Doflamingo a little more, but you couldn't bring yourself to do so with Dandy. You knew him too well, and you absolutely weren't going to give him any ammunition to use against you down the road. As coworkers it was best to keep him at slightly more than arm's length, preferably with a taser, if you were being honest.

Organizing the space, equipment, and laying out the plans and event timing went smoothly as well. The extra hands - provided by Sir Crocodile and managed by Buggy - were a huge weight off everyone's shoulders. Especially since they were all not just competent, but quiet as well. No zany quirks, no desire to be the center of attention. They were more like you and less like Buggy or Dandy, so they didn't stress Buggy out and they didn't create additional work.

But they weren't creative. They came to people with questions on everything, almost more akin to computers than people. Not that it was a bad thing, the lack of personal decision making might have been part of their contract for all you knew. They were extra hands, and extra eyes, but that was really it.

Alvida caught you glancing around on Friday when things were finally coming together.

"What's got you so twitchy, (Y/N)?" She asks, "Anything I can help with?"

"Ah, no. Everything's pretty much handled. The Auction's Wednesday, the VIP will be in Tuesday, and I'll sleep again sometime Thursday, I'm sure." You joke, stretching. "I just keep feeling like someone's watching me. It's been itching at me for the last few days, and I can't shake it."

Alvida leans in after looking around to make sure you’re alone.

“Could it be related to your date?”

“Hah?” You almost yell the questioning sound and cover your mouth. “What do you mean?”

“Well, things went south, right?” She prompts. “You said you got cold feet, did you bail, after… you know, sex?”

Your face goes red, and you make a face and it’s really all the answer Alvida needs.

“Oh, honey.” She pulls you in and hugs you loosely. “Love, some people don’t walk away well.”

“It… it can’t be related to that.” You say after a moment. “I’m certain.”

“Oh?”

“… Alvida, you… can not breathe a word of this.” You assert, looking up at her from the loose hug you’re still in.

“On pain of death, (Y/N).” She vows, putting a hand up.

“It was the CEO.” You say and feel her entire body tense for a second.

“Are-you-shitting-me?” She hisses quickly, leaning in even closer to you and trying to keep her voice down.

You shake your head. “I was surprised too.”

Alvida puts a hand to her mouth for a moment and looks around, thinking. “You should tell him.”

“What?!” You bark before lowering your voice. “No. No way. Alvida, I… I had mind-shatteringly good sex with the C. E. O. of this company and left while he was sleeping.” You practically growl the words at her. “I’m looking for a new job after this auction, I can’t ask him for help!”

“Are you being fired?”

“No-! No, I’m not. I’m quitting on my own.” You assure her. “I… don’t…” You purse your lips and look away.

“Oh, honey.” Alvida hugs you tightly. “I’m sorry.”

“… It’s alright.” You manage to keep your voice even as you hug her back. “I’m not even thirty. I’ll, I dunno, move, find new work, move on. It’ll be alright.”

“I know, but it hurts right now, and I’m sorry you fell so hard.” She says, patting your back gently.

“Haa, yeah. Me too.” You admit.

#Quicksand #Sir Crocodile #Crocodile x reader #crocodile x y/n #one piece smut #one piece fanfiction #modern au #reader insert #yandere #Quicksand Alternative Chapter

[mieczyhale]

Okay, lads, we’re venting here.

And maybe getting weirdly emotional and personal about it.

They finished watching episode 8 and the general consensus, aside from like.. one guy, is “i still don’t get why everybody loves him and no matter what he does in the finale i’m still not gonna get it”

Like okay first of all: he’s not for you. You don’t have to get him because he isn’t yours. He belongs to the queers and the freaks. Second of all: a character does not have to be “useful” or a genius or whatever the fuck to be a good character, to be a well loved character. What the fuck kind of take is that?? “He hasn’t done anything so why do people love him??” Excuse me?? He is RIGHT THERE being unapologetic-ally himself, his authentic goddamn self, despite a whole town being out for him basically because of it. He’s a dungeon master, a nerd, kinda snarky but goofy and caring, the guitarist for his own band. He’s a relatable character. He’s a realistic character. 

“All he does is run and hide” HE HAS PEOPLE HUNTING HIM??? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT HIM TO DO, STANIEL?? 

We meet him in the first episode and he’s loud and weird and tells it like it is: forced conformity IS what’s killing the kids, they ARE being unfairly treated because they play a fantasy game instead of playing sports or going to parties. He takes Hellfire seriously not only because he loves D&D but because that club is so clearly also a safe space for kids who don’t fit in. He didn’t know Mike, Dustin, and Lucas were into D&D when he approached them, but he knew they were nerds - he knew they weren’t going to force themselves to fit in like a lot of other kids do. “You were wearing a Weird Al t-shirt. Which i thought was brave.” Them being themselves without a second thought is all he needed to take them in. If anybody knows how fucking cruel the world is it’s Eddie

He just wanted to be himself, have fun, play music, finish his campaign, and graduate.

He tries to help Chrissy - in getting her the drugs she’s asking for, in going out of his way to make her laugh and make her feel safe, in trying his hardest to wake her up when something was clearly wrong.

And then he saw a girl die - horrifically and right in front of him, he learned that monsters and alternate dimensions are real, he now has a whole town hunting him - quite a few who want to kill him (Jason, the more he losses it especially. You don’t buy a gun because you wanna chat, Karen) 

Instead he ends up fighting inter-dimensional monsters, sacrificing himself for his friends because he wants to make sure they make it - make sure they save the world - and because he thinks poorly of himself for running away (even though running away is the reaction just about anyone would have to what he saw) He hates himself for something he shouldn’t so he plays hero, even knowing it could kill him, because dying a hero is better than running again i guess?? At least in his mind apparently right then. 

He distracted hundreds if not thousands of demobats with a goddamn Master of Puppets performance on top of his trailer in the Upside Down. Which was not only metal as fuck, it was also HEROIC as fuck. 

He distracted the bats. He tried to make sure Dustin couldn’t come back through the gate bc there’s no way Dustin was going to stay out of the Upside Down if he thought he could help. none of us were surprised right? We know Dustin. And so does Eddie. So he tried. Dustin, fortunately or unfortunately, is too stubborn to stop. But Eddie tried. He tried to keep Dustin safe. And then he tried to make sure everyone would be safe. Robin. Nancy. Steve. He wanted to make sure there was no risk of the bats fucking up their job, and that there was no chance of the bats finding their way into the right-side up (not sure if the duffer brothers thought of that but i mean if a tentacle can make its way through the gate to grab steve w h a t is stopping a demobat from coming through??)

Eddie is just a dude, out here living his life the way he wants to, he falls into a mess he NEVER could have expected or been prepared enough for, he does his best with the information he has and the heart he has and his ever-growing insecurity about the fucking running and he dies. Because he’s just a dude, who isn’t a genius, who hasn’t cracked Russian codes, who was faced with an evil bigger than the creature made of human corpses and - for the most part - is left to himself. To overthink and work himself up all while knowing like.. just about nothing. Like truly we see him get filled in on the bare minimum. 

And shit keeps happening and people are after him and these people are helping him and now they needs weapons and he wanted to be “better”. Because he thought Chrissy (and later Patrick) deserved better. Because his new friends deserved better. Because they believed him and helped him and they didn’t have to do shit - most people wouldn’t have done shit for him. But they did. And that means something to him. Because he might just be a dude, but he has a heart and he cares. Despite *gestures at everything* he. cares. 

He is loud yet soft in a world that has been unkind to him. Like.. Okay: consider a porcupine. Spiky and defensive. But that doesn’t mean they’re mean or horrible animals. They are just cute little guys, but they need a way to protect themselves from the things that would harm them. That’s Eddie. He looks the way he does because that’s how he wants to look, yes, but it’s also excellent armor. That and add in his loudness, the performative outwards personality. Not saying it’s not him, because it 100% is, but that’s not ALL he is. He’s got layers. Like an onion. Or Shrek. People only see Eddie the way he wants to be seen, and while it’s 100% genuine Eddie Munson, it’s turned up to 11 around people he doesn’t know or trust. And they will never see any other side to him. 

For all of that, he is relatable. He is what it’s like to be lgbtqa+, to be labeled a freak because you don’t know how to / don’t want to pretend to be someone else, to find your own armor to protect yourself in a way that gets you through the goddamn day without sacrificing who you are. He is what it’s like to find a small group like you, in a place you thought you were alone. He is what it’s like to have a small town whisper opinions and pass judgement on you when they don’t even know you. 

Being a bad student, maybe because you arent smart or maybe because you struggle or maybe because you just dont care, almost not graduating or actually not graduating. Having shitty parents, or at least one parent that’s shit. Being passionate about things that get you bullied. Being just.. a fucking mess.

If you people pulled your heads out of your asses and looked beyond “usefulness”, and beyond the surface level of the content you’re watching, /maybe/ you’d “get it”. 

If you used your brain to consider people who aren’t yourself, who don’t live like you, for a moment - /maybe/ it would occur to you that you don’t have to understand why people love him. You don’t have to get it, and you don’t have to love him yourself. Nobody gives a shit if you do or don’t. But you could - and should - stop being such an obnoxious fucking jackass about it.

Eddie deserves all of the love he gets from people who get him. 

Whether you agree or not.

End of.

#this got away from me a little but idfc #honesty?? in MY vent post?? #what else would i give you?? #lies?? in my own soup?? #im of the eddie love and protection squad and idgaf if you hate him or 'dont get the hype' keep his name outta your mouth around me #it's 4:12AM and i have to be awake in three (3) hours but this is what i'm doing instead of sleeping #stupid?? obviously. but that's me babeyy! in love w eddie and dumb as a fucking rock #mystposts #maison speaks #eddie munson my beloved

[hxroic-wxlls]

"Those are mermen? No, shadow mermen rather than the real thing. I see, my sisters were mentioning how a lot of mermen were dying over time. Guess this is someone who got a chaos emerald on hand wanting revenge. I'm not exactly the heroic type but I can't ignore this either."

Destructive energy gathers in his left hand. "Let's get rid of that sphere of yours and make you talk to us in person, Fangs of Vortigern." He swung his left hand creating a shark made of destructive energy from water directly behind the sphere which went to bite down on it. He wasn't out to harm who was inside, only destroy the sphere and that's it. He'll have to call his sisters since it's probably a revenge scheme.

" If this is a vengeance scheme, it's a poorly thought out one... Seriously, if they're doin' this cause a bunch of rotten apples have been getting a little too eager on the hunts, I can understand it. But to go out of their away to involve a whole bunch of people who had nothing to do with this, or may have even been against said hunts, this is a stupid way to go about it! " 3, 2, 1...and with one final spin kick from both him and his red capped rival, the final shadow mermen disappeared into a cloud of dark dust. Well, that was relatively simple!

Thankfully, it seems like the Vortigern's energy shark was powerful enough to do it's job, as with one mighty chomp, the entire sphere broke apart like glass...revealing the violet-haired princess inside, with a gem in her hand... Given the furrowing of her brows, and the intense frown on her face, she was none too pleased about the current circumstances.

" You...upper layer filth! does your greed know no bounds? You and your kind continue to take from us without any remorse... And even now, I'm supposed to just sit idle while our race sits on the brink of extinction?? That's... " With gritted teeth, she'd stare down at the ground, as tears began to relentlessly pour down from her eyes. " It's not fair...it's not, it's not, IT'S NOT! Why do you hate us, so much?! All we want is to live in peace. Why are we treated like targets for you to take your aggression out on, when we've done nothing to offend you...? "

...

Mama Mia...this situation's rougher than he thought. " ...I'm really sorry to hear about your circumstances, miss. But...while I get where you're coming from, this is not the way to handle this! If you have a grudge against the group of people that wronged you guys, that's completely understandable. But it's not right to take all your anger out on so many people all at once, especially when a vast majority of them are against your guys' abuse! So please...put a stop to this and we can talk this- " A blast of chaos energy from the princess's emerald would suddenly fire at the plumber, who responded with a swift swing of his cape, which caused the blast to be deflected and sent flying into the distance.

" SHUT UP! I'm tired of tolerating your lies! " With a look of pure rage, she'd fire off a vast array of bullets at the group, raining down upon them as if it were a max difficulty bullet hell game...

" We just gotta get that emerald out of her grasp... " The plumber would state, as he and his spiky blue companion weaved through the mass wave of bullets with masterful acrobatics.

#warriorsofcrimsonrealms #{let's'a go: ic} #{blue blur: ic} #muse: ??? #{ask answered} #{story arc: waves of vengeance}

[wayfaringtrainers]

Zichi Played Pokémon Violet

And is going to share his opinions with you!

If you click the readmore, that is. Unlike 99% of the internet, I still respect spoilers.

Okay, so for the past 3 years, the Pokémon franchise has sat on the edge of oblivion for me. With the burning garbage dump that was Pokémon Sword and Brilliant Diamond still in recent memory, my opinion on the franchise was at its lowest. Legends: Arceus put it on life support, coaxing it over until the next release.

And let me tell you, Pokémon Violet did not have a strong starting hand. With the reveal of it being released at the end of 2022, I was not impressed.

and here’s the link to my pessimism.

So November 2022 rolls around (or rather December, because I wanted to wait but apparently spoilers don’t matter after a month (seriously where do you guys find the time)) and I have Pokémon Violet in my hands...

And I was pleasantly surprised...

... Sort of.

So, in a reversal of my Pokémon Sword review 3 years ago, I’m going to start with what I disliked with the game, followed by what I did like, before giving my final overall opinion. So let’s dive in!

-

1. The poor optimisation

Yeah, this should surprise nobody who’s played the game, but wow is this game poorly optimised. There are definitely moments when the Switch is obviously struggling to handle stuff under the bonnet, which is hilarious when I consider how Breath of the Wild runs pretty smoothly. I feel pretty vindicated in my opinion that they should have had at least half a year more to really iron out the kinks in the game, but got Christmas rushed by greedy corporates.

I know some people have some severely ugly bugs and graphical glitches, but I’ve never encountered any of the weirder ones shown. Maybe it’s because I was strictly single player only? No idea.

2. “Open” world Pokémon and weird level curves

The franchise is now three-for-three on swinging and missing the “Open World” idea of Pokémon. Now be certain that I think they did a much better job than Sword and Legends, but they still didn’t get it perfect.

The game very clearly expects you to follow a specific order in terms of its three storylines. You’re clearly expected to fight a particular gym leader before a particular Star Boss, befoe a specific Titan. And if you don’t? Well I found Tulip to be an infuriating and cheap battle, not realising Ryme was the 6th gym leader, not Tulip. As such, Ryme was pathetically easy.

And I did not appreciate the method of keeping players contained, with wild pokemon being obviously over-levelled. It’s basically saying “you have all this freedom, but we’re gonna limit you anyway”

A much better option -in my opinion- would have been to crib notes off of Breath of the Wild. When you defeat one of the bosses in that game, the whole world “levels up”, the monsters get stronger in response to your decision. If we had something like that, where the star bosses, titans and gym leaders all start at “beat me at level 15″ and then after you take any one of them down, increase to “beat me at level 20″ or something like that. It would feel like I have more choice and agency in where I go and what I do.

3. Tera Shard Collecting

What do you mean 50 of these?!

I did not approve of the requirements to change your tera type being so steep, nor did I approve of them being so awkward and obnoxious to gather.

“Get them in the postgame, or gather them 2 at a time by fighting type-specific raids at 3 stars or above. Oh and they have to match the type you want.”

It got so bad that I resorted to switch clock exploitation to get enough shards for my Gallade. It was not a fun time.

4. Those God Damn Stakes.

I HATE THOSE STAKES WITH SUCH A PASSION.

If I got some clues about where to find them, and had some way of tracking which stakes I had removed, it would be better, but as it is, it is an obnoxious snipe hunt that everyone is just gonna look up online. The solution of “too easy” is not painstaking and infuriating!

-

Okay, so that’s the “did not like” page done... Now let’s get into the things I do like.

-

1. Earlier Access to purchasable items.

I appreciate the fact that several items like life orbs, assault vests and other hold items outside the “+20% to one type” that can now be repeatedly bought, but also that they aren’t limited to postgame. When I found out that nature candies were a gym 6 unlock, I jumped on that shit immediately. Ditto for bottle caps at whatever level they unlocked.

2. Terastalising > Dynamax

Terastalising just feels so much better than dynamax could ever be. I don’t know why, I just enjoy it more. Something feels more tactical about it rather than just “double hit points”...

I will admit however, that the conditions for recharging your tera orb are rather weird, instead of once per battle, it’s once per pokecenter visit? If they didn’t do that, I’d definitely love it more.

3. The Story and my children the characters.

Oh my God Arven and Penny I’m your dad now I will never let anything bad happen to you.

My God did I get invested in the characters this time around. And not just the main three that journey with the protagonist. Director Clavell, most of the teachers, nearly all the gym leaders, I enjoyed watching them on the screen, getting glimpses into their personalities.

The three exceptions to this however, have to be Ms Tyme, who I love to hate for her “11 pokeballs” bullshit, Tulip for being in an obnoxious place for the 7th gym leader and Geeta for just... Falling flat. (Doesn’t help that her team makes absolutely zero sense. Why is your trap-setter sent out last Geeta)

Champions seems to not be hitting it anymore, not since the utter fuck up that was Leon.

But seriously, the story -or rather, the stories this time around felt so much more alive. The Victory Road story arc was definitely the weakest, but that was the obligatory “challenge the gym leaders” route, and at least the gym leaders themselves picked up some of the slack. The Titan storyline broke my heart and managed to turn my opinion on Arven around 100% (and while I understand your frustrations Arven, do not take them out on my sweet motorcycle dragon boi) and finally... Starfall street.

4. Team Star and Starfall Street

So one of my bigger criticisms of Pokémon Sword was how Team Yell was a worse Team Skull. Team Star kind of falls into the same category as those two of being more a nuisance than a threat like the oldschool teams like Rocket and Galactic.

But.

Team Star works. They work in a way Team Yell could never work. It helps that Team Star has more faces and personality to attach to them and isn’t used as a curveball from “the real villains”, but it also helps that the background and lore also works alongside their personalities and you can understand how things ended up the way they did...

This part has unavoidable spoilers, feel free to skip.

Plus, Team Star’s story hit very close to home. I too was bullied in a school that did nothing because they were more concerned with their reputation. I too lashed out at the bullies when it got too much to handle, and I too was villified for standing up to it because nobody else would help. I wanted to see them vindicated for their actions. And let me tell you, it endeared me to Director Clavell -who I really didn’t care much for at the beginning- when he ultimately did the team (and Penny) right.

-

-

-

The spoilers stop here

One criticism I do have for Team Star though, is that we haven’t had a true antagonist team in a while. At least a proper antagonist team that is at the forefront, not an Aether/Macro Cosmos that gets shoehorned in at the last hour as a “surprise” factor. I’d like to see a more serious villain team soon, something that feels threatening, but is also a consistant threat.

5. The Pokémon are pretty cool too

If there’s one thing I like, it’s how the newer generations do a pretty good job of nailing the new pokemon and making them interesting. We’ll just gloss over generations 5 and 7 okay kthx.

Tinkaton and Ceruledge are some of my top picks for this generation, but I also have to give a loud and warm shoutout to the new evolutions and regional forms. Clodsire ended up on one of my teams almost immediately, and while I had to drop Dudunsparce after a while, the gurran lagaan pokemon pulled its weight and endeared itself to me. But I also appreciate Annihilape, Firagarif and Kingambit for being great additions and Toedscruel and Wugtrio being an interesting alternative to regional forms. I hope we see more of these convergant evolution ideas.

I also love the look of the future Paradox Pokémon for the most part. However, as I only reached the first credits, I haven’t had much to do with them and I kinda wish we got to see more of them early on. Iron Treads is the only one before the final storyline we see, and honestly I prefer how Great Tusk looks by a mile. And if anyone is asking, yes, I did manipulate the final boss battle for a Gallade vs Iron Valiant battle, and it was epic.

So Overall...

Pokémon Violet did not have a clean start to life with its glitches, bugs and obvious lack of quality testing. However, even with this, I actually finished the main storyline happily. That is something Ultra Sun and Brillitant Diamond cannot claim, and Pokémon Sword can only claim via technicality, because I forced myself to.

People who know me personally know that I can rant for hours on end about the Tunnel Scene in Pokémon Sword, the epitome of bad writing and awful design in my opinion. I have no such equivalent in Violet, there was no scene, event or action that had me gnawing at my teeth. Quite the opposite, there were plenty of scenes that tugged at my heart, made me feel for these characters and invested me in their storylines. I can’t think of any character that I hate that I don’t love to hate, there isn’t a plot device that made me think “this is stupid”. It all... Works.

When and if Violet drops some DLC, I’m actually going to consider it this time around. If the game got some polish and testing -and maybe cribbed some notes from Breath of the Wild- I would be happy to say that Violet would be in the top 10 -maybe top 5- games across the whole franchise, and with Titans like Black/White, Mystery Dungeon Explorers and Heart Gold/Soul Silver in that bracket, that is no easy feat.

I’m actually hopeful for the franchise’s future! I want to see more of this quality guys!

#Pay no mind to the man behind the trainer #zichi plays pokemon violet #Pokemon Violet spoilers

[preppernewstoday]

(Psst: The FTC wants me to remind you that this website contains affiliate links. That means if you make a purchase from a link you click on, I might receive a small commission. This does not increase the price you'll pay for that item nor does it decrease the awesomeness of the item. ~ Daisy)The doomsday clock has been at 100 seconds to midnight for a few years. Food is being stored, equipment is being stashed, and people are gearing up to fight for their lives for the inevitable apocalypse. And there’s one prep you may not have thought of. A faithful, skilled, and well-trained canine companion could be the reason you survive another day. Humans have domesticated animals forever knowing that animals can do things humans can’t, saving time and energy. In a survival situation, both of these factors become precious. Here are some of the best jobs for dogs during a survival situation and the breeds that excel at them… Watchdog Breeds Tibetan terrier Watchdogs are good at their jobs because they can sense things that people can’t and never will. Traits like a sensitive nose or seeing in the dark go a long way when you are trying to find something out of place in the dead of night.   When they sense an unwanted presence, they alert their owners so the owner can take care of the problem. This works with many kinds of intruders and keeps people safe from threats they weren’t even aware were there.  Additionally, almost any kind of dog can be trained to do this, though it tends to be a job geared toward smaller dogs. Here are some breeds known for being good watchdogs: Chihuahuas Cairn Terriers Dachshund Tibetan Terrier Guard/Attack Dogs Breeds Akita A guard dog is a dog that will actively defend its home against intruders instead of just sounding an alarm.  Attack dogs will go a step further and attack on the command of their owner. Examples of effective attack dogs include: Akita German Shepherd Mastiff Doberman Pinscher This can be dangerous, though. It is highly recommended to get professional help when training these skills in a dog. A poorly trained attack dog could mean someone getting seriously hurt or worse.  These dogs are trained to be dangerous, and it is a disservice to them to go about it without the proper care.  (Check out our free QUICKSTART Guide to learn about the four levels of disasters.) Drafting Dog Breeds St. Bernard Big, lumbering, working dogs will haul stuff all day with the right incentive. The following dogs typically make excellent drafting dogs:  Newfoundland Saint Bernard Bernese Mountain Dog Greater Swiss Mountain Dog The job of these dogs is to be attached either to a cart or have saddle bags loaded onto them, and they literally carry their weight. These dogs are especially useful for people who have to leave their shelters. It would be impossible to carry all of their stuff, but horses are much harder to maintain in a survival situation.  Herding Dog Breeds Australian cattle dog One of the most important commodities you will have during these times is your food supply. If this comes from a herd of animals, it would be disastrous if the herd got up and walked away. Some herding breeds are: Australian Shepherds Border Collies Australian Cattle Dog Collie Herding dogs are trained to keep the animals not only together but in one spot. The good thing about this group of dogs is that they are still widely utilized by ranchers. It is much easier to find a skilled herding dog than it is a reliable attack dog.  Hunting/Retrieving Dog Breeds English cocker spaniel Hunting/retrieving dogs are another group of dogs that are still widely utilized today. These dogs are grouped by categories. These categories are then included in the breed’s name. For example, a Labrador Retriever and a Bluetick Hound are both dogs that fit into this category.  Spaniels flush game out of undergrowth to make catching and/or shooting them easier.  Retrievers do just as their name suggests and retrieve downed game.  Setters/Pointers locate game for the hunter, almost always birds. 

Hounds track game by scent.  They are disciplined dogs that are trained to point out prey, chase it, bring back the carcass, rile up a flock of birds, or do any number of things related to hunting. These dogs would be extremely valuable in a time where your ability to hunt can determine if your family eats or not.  What dogs can be left alone the longest? Assuming you are coming back, then the dog will just need a source of food, water, and shelter. The dog will probably not be able to survive indefinitely on its own. Even though they retain some wild traits, they were raised with people.  Herding dogs and working dogs can survive alone the longest. This is because these dogs tend to be very fast, or very large, and very smart with heavy prey drives. Dogs who can hunt will last the longest. Breeds like Border Collies and Australian Kelpies have been bred to make quick turns and evasive maneuvers for centuries, allowing them to easily hunt and catch even fast creatures like rabbits.  Working dogs are large by nature. An Alaskan Malamute or a Doberman Pinscher has the strength to overcome many different types of prey. Dogs who have both natural attributes will have a clear advantage. A Belgian Malinois has a high likelihood of being able to survive on its own for an extended period of time.  (Want uninterrupted access to The Organic Prepper? Check out our paid-subscription newsletter.) A few final thoughts on survival dogs… In a survival situation, the dog would need a job that it not only knows how to do but that you need to be done. Trying to get a herding dog to draft is possible, but it wouldn’t be a good use of your time or its skill. Understanding what you need from the dog and what it can deliver is the biggest decision you can make when outfitting your friend and bug-out buddy with their new title.  While we hope it never comes down to using these skills, we want our dogs to be able to survive with us if the need ever arises. What do you think the best dog breeds are for survival? What jobs do you hope to fill with dogs when the SHTF? Let us know what you think in the comments below. About Robert Thomas Robert is a freelance writer who enjoys spending time training the dogs around him.

[fangirltothefullest]

I just want a job in a little off-the-wall, non-mega-corp coffee shop or a job in a little book store, is that too much to ask?

#seriously job hunting is going so poorly #every time i think ah yes i have something #either they never get back to me #or they tell me they're looking elsewhere #or they don't even pay min. wage #or they want me a tiny female-bodied woman to do night shifts #or they only hire part time #and i'm so so fucking tired of doing part time #i want a set schedule o i don;t have to do fucking clopen shifts #i want to function #and i'm tired of all the positions available being customer service jobs that are like 'sell this 10000 items or you're fired' #'harass these numbers all day and if you don't make a sale you're fired' #what happened to actual receptionist jobs #or small litol coffee shops #or book stores #even the libraries won;t hire you without a masters degree in library cataloguing #as if that were even a real thing #tashi rants #sorry i'm just really unhappy about it right now #and i can;t make enough money via patreon to just do that #also? taxes for patreon are confusing and i do not recommend it

[blzzrdstryr]

Darling escaping - Mondstadt girls edition

Inspired by a request I got, will do edition for other characters in the future.

Starring: Amber, Eula, Jean, Lisa, Rosaria

Reader is gender neutral

CW: Yandere themes, confinement, drugging

Amber

It’s highly unlikely that Amber will confine you, but if it reaches that point, then she will try to be as understanding as possible. Being kidnapped is hard and stressful, it’s OK if you hit and yell at her, she gets you, you’re scared and anxious, she will let it slide.

The same goes for any failed escape attempts, Amber will maintain that sweet-saccharine-I-am-not-mad-at-you-please-stop-crying-and-screaming persona very well. She will be very mad of course, partially at you, mostly at herself.

She keeps you confined in the cottage in the middle of the forest - Amber, unlike you, has a vast experience of navigating among the wilderness, so she can almost always recapture you with ease, years spent tracking and hunting lending well in her search.

You will have to be quick and clever if you want to escape - you can’t dwell in one place for too long, nor can you leave any mark in hurry - Amber will use them to deduce your path and location.

You will also have to avoid major cities and settlements - Knights of Favonius have a good reputation and Amber is known for her upstanding nature, she can lie to locals that you’re dangerous escaped criminal or confused and troubled victim who wandered to far for their own good, and have you presented on the platter.

Once she drags you back, she will start to think about escape-proofing the cottage. She might also buy a chain, long enough to let you wander in most of the room. Don’t worry she’ll let you out, she just needs to install new sets of locks on every door in your house.

Eula

The day when she finally loses an internal battle and kidnaps you is the day when both you and Eula start to hate her intensely. Just like Amber, she also tries to be understanding, yet it’s hard. She can sometimes snap back or glare at you with that cold look, which will sink your already drowning sympathies even further.

Escape attempts will be met quite poorly, Eula understands that you’re terrified and stressed and don’t want to be anywhere near her, yet it hurts so badly she loses control. She will say a couple of very insidious and bitter things, as she drags you back, her hold on you a tad too forceful not to be painful.

You will most likely be confined in her mansion - Lawrences might be universally despised by all of Mondstadtians, yet they’re also filthy rich and people have a hard time saying no to shiny mora. You will be allowed to wander in a couple of rooms with all the necessities in your reach.

She won’t allow you to have any maids or servants though - her reputation is already low, and letting a third person in on this dangerous secret will definitely be her downfall.

That’s why she wastes no time when she sees rooms she kept you in empty. Eula will bolt out of the house, uncaring how she might look to others as her mind races, searching for your possible routes.

Your best bet is staying inside or close to major settlements. As it was said before, Mondstadtian despise Lawrences, and Eula isn’t an exception to that. She might be a respected Knight of Favonius, but if you act distressed enough others will question her motives and deter her from grabbing you back.

If you somehow happen to be in the wilderness it’s already over for you. Eula spends most of her time outside the city gates, she is very familiar with the terrains and forests, so she navigates them pretty well. No matter how fast or long you run, she will get you back.

Eula will act extra callous and cold after your failed escape, her heart aching at the fact that you were that desperate to be anywhere but with her.

Jean

Jean is far from being an intense yandere, she will confine you only if she believes that you can’t live comfortably by yourself.

One of the perks of being a highly respected acting grandmaster is that no one really questions her decisions. Even Diluc, who left and now despises the knights, acknowledges how responsible and hardworking she is.

She will convince others that you’re mentally unwell, that you need care and patient guidance to even function, and so she will pressure you into becoming her protege.

None of your words about Jean’s true nature will be taken seriously - acting grandmaster is a kind, hardworking and responsible leader, she does everything in the name of others’ well-being. How can you accuse Jean of something like this?

Moreover, your words will be used against you, as she will present them as a proof of your fragile mental state - you must be deeply delusional to think of your caretaker so badly and poorly, blaming her for things she had no hand in.

You will be “gently” reminded to stay with Jean in her own house,a knight always patrolling near the building when she has work to do. Unlike most yanderes, Jean will allow you to freely wander in the house and courtyard, yet nothing more.

If you escape, you should probably head to the next nation, without stopping in any of the Mondstadt settlements - Jean’s reach is far and wide.

She will dispatch the group of knights, ordering them to safely retrieve you back into her arms - “[First] is scared and confused”, she’ll tiredly sigh and ask them to be gentle with you upon your recapture.

She won’t punish you once you’re back, no she will be calm and collected, despite the inner storm - she has to keep the mask up, both for you and others. You will find two knights on the daily patrol though.

Lisa

Lisa can appear very lazy and careless at first glance, but she is far from that. The witch is the best graduate of Sumeru academy in two centuries and an expert at potion making. She’s also very good at her time management and has a spark of ingenuity, which makes your escape highly unlikely.

First of all, you will be pumped full of sedative drugs, if you aren’t compliant and broken enough - Lisa would like to think that you’re all nice and obedient, but she can’t.

She will slip drugs in your food and water, sometimes she will force the syringe needle under your skin, if you realize what she’s doing and start being difficult.

With the substances muddling your mind you will be as helpless and weak as a newborn kitten, unable to make three steps in a straight line.

With you being constantly high Lisa doesn’t have to stress over your escape - she just needs to lock all windows and doors and add a bit of silencing charms so no one can hear your angered screams.

It would be an incredibly simple, yet perfect plan if it wasn’t for drug resistance. Over time your body will start to adapt to the influence of her “potions”, and you will need a higher dose to be rendered helpless and incoherent again.

You will realize this once the terrible mix of withdrawal and clarity of mind hits you. Half-bent and squirming you will slip from your cell and start to run.

It’s highly unlikely you will go far, especially during withdrawal, but your best chance of escaping lies into contacting any human settlement - you will appear very sick and distressed and they’ll have no choice but take you in and let you endure the incoming torture under the safety of the house.

Once your body is clean, you should run, as far as possible, you should also change your clothes - Lisa marked the ones she kept you in with her electro energy, making you easier to detect.

If she gets you back, she’ll start switching between different kinds of sedatives, so you don’t develop resistance. Lisa will also add a couple of locks and a long chain to her purchases.

Rosaria

Rosaria, to her own dismay, doesn’t own any fancy mansion to keep you in, the house that she lives in is small and cramped as she uses the place to just sleep and keep the little of what she owns here.

This house, despite its small size, has a cellar - it’s empty and unused, with cobwebs decorating the corners. It’s perfect for keeping you in, when you’re difficult.

Don’t worry the cellar is the last resort - Rosaria will confide you here, if you act extra defiant and disobedient. On most days, you’re free to wander in that small house, and if you act extra nice, the nun will let you out under her strict supervision.

She will however, install a long chain and cuff it around your leg when she has to leave for a job.

You can run away from her in two instances, when she decides to go for a short walk with you, and when she is away, if you are able to unscrew or loosen the chain enough for your feet to slip.

If you escape during your walk, you better be an excellent runner, because Rosaria is fast. You will have to compete not only in speed, but also endurance and stamina with her, because Rosaria can run for a very long time, especially when she’s chasing you.

If you escape when she’s away your task gets infinitely easier, you’ll just need to make your way to Mondstadt and make your accusations - Rosaria isn’t very popular here, nor does she have a great image, so your words will hold some weight.

Whether she is found guilty or innocent, it will provide enough time for you to leave the city and head for the neighbouring nation.

If Rosaria gets you back, then you can forget about seeing a sunlight for a very long time, she will keep you chained in the cellar for at least two weeks as a punishment.

#yandere genshin impact #Yandere genshin impact x reader #Yandere genshin #Yandere genshin x reader #Yandere Amber #Yandere Eula #Yandere Rosaria #Yandere Lisa #Yandere Jean #Yandere Amber x reader #Yandere Eula x reader #Yandere Jean x reader #Yandere Lisa x reader #Yandere Rosaria x reader #Female yandere #Female yandere x reader #Yandere x reader #Yandere

[skyromaniac-05]

hello! I’m Sky, and i have a year of pent up HATRED for the Suicide Squad 2011 comic series. i was fueled with RAGE ATHDHDFJDJFN, so i’m gonna talk (read: rant) about the first 7 issues.

okay! going to go right into it because i seriously need to word vomit so bad rn

Alright. Let’s talk about Adam Glass’s interpretation of the Suicide Squad. Spoilers ahead! (but you knew that pff)

also like. suggestive art from the comics? showing a few panels :)

and like. depictions of gore!! written and a lil bit of the comics. all the pictures i’ve used were used in the comics!!

oh, also mentions of ab*se

it starts off and already i can tell it’s going to be DARK. which is kind of shocking for something that isn’t DC’s black label, which is where their more adult based content is. It opens up into a gruesome torture scene, which like, it’s DC so i’m not all too surprised here. that part was fine, i enjoyed how brutal they showed Waller to be in her treatment of everyone!

My main problem comes with the oversexualization of all of the female characters, specifically Harley Quinn. Now i know what you’re saying! “wow, it’s another Harley stan going on a tangent” and you’re absolutely correct <3

But even in just the cover, it is blatantly obvious what they were trying to achieve with how they drew her. in any chance they had to put her in “street clothes”, this is what they came up with.

come onnnn!! this made me super upset, like they use EVERY chance they get to bring in those teenage boys, it kind of churned my stomach.

oh but it did NOT stop there.

quite literally three pages later, she has a thing with Deadshot. which. what? this is issue THREE. AHHH STOP ADAM GLASS PLEASE FOCUS ON THE STORY

that was another thing, the story telling was… alright? but their characterization was poorly executed which made the story telling especially a no for me

after her and Deadshot had that little thing, she wanted a relationship with him, which he shot down and quite literally said he used her, which is always fun i love that.

mm. yes. we love that for Harley

anyway, after that, Captian Boomerang showed up and DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON HIM THATS A POST ON ITS OWN MAN

and also yo yo is there but i refuse to acknowledge him because he fills me with rage

oh yeah here’s this little bit which made me uncomfortable and felt like including it

love that!!! wow!

which like, it’s DC, it’s dark, but like. 13+? i think it’s a little more than that? AHDHFJSJFDJ

anyway.

i’m gonna fast forward a bit to the part that makes my skin *crawl*. those few issues with the Joker.

anyway, Harley finds out Joker is alive. She breaks out of Belle Reve through a complicated plan (just kidding)

someone was being sexist and turned off her neck bomb bc because and i QUOTE “she’s just a weak girl” so 😄😄😄

So she breaks out of jail and goes right for Gotham. don’t ask how she got there from Louisiana because the comics do not tell us! (i think? i don’t remember DRHDJFJDJ)

she goes to Gotham PD because she heard Joker’s face was sliced off and they took it to evidence! fun! so she wants to see it one last time for like, closure? it was really creepy which is off brand for her compared to her in literally anything else. (maybe not a few video games we don’t talk about those thank you)

So Waller sends the squad to hunt her down, either kill her or bring her back alive.

they look for her, yada yada, we get to see a bit of Harley’s backstory, which i actually kind of like! good job on that one, Adam.

here’s a page i’m a fan of:

it gives us a few more pages after checking back up with how Deadshot is hunting her down, which was boring i guess. no it wasn’t i’m just being petty i’m sorry DHSJFJSJD

anyway, Joker had the drunk driver that killed her father murdered and gave her the finger which was scary but like, i kind of liked that part, it made sense with how she turned out in this interpretation.

so next issue, gives us a bit more backstory mf the squad catches up to her and they have a little brawl and she gets away because she’s Harley Quinn so

anyway. she gets the drop on Deadshot and it slips back into another backstory, this time when he pushed her in the acid. here’s the flashback, it’s important so i included all of it. get ready, this is. a lot.

after that comes what might possibly be my least favorite scene in the whole series. (second least favorite actually, i’ll talk about a worse one later :’))

it jumps back to the present and Harley has Deadshot tied to a chair. Deadshot is dismissive of her feelings, which i get, he’s a sociopath, but he doesn’t deserve what she does to him.

she takes Joker’s skinned face and…

i’ll let the comics talk for me.

the problem with this scene is it’s so… out of character for Harley. She does seriously have mental health issues, but this isn’t something she’s done in any other adaptations of her.

wow this is getting super long? i only got through 7.5 issues FJSJD I HAVE A LOT TO SAY

if anyone wants a part two for whatever reason, let me know in the comments!! and has anyone else read these? what did you think and how coherent am i because i have no clue what i’m doing i’m just word vomiting and i doubt someone’s gonna read this whole thing through lmao

-thank you!!! <3

#harley quinn #dc comics #suicide squad #ss 2011 #suicide squad 2011 #dc rant #Joker #Deadshot #seriously this is messed up wtf #we don’t talk about 2011 #rant #tw: abuse #tw: suggestive #tw: gore #tw: Joker #yeah

[randomshyperson]

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Land of Thieves #ChapterOne

Western/ Red Dead Redemption AU / Slow Burn / childhood best friends to lovers 

Gif is not mine.

Read on AO3 (English Version) 

Ler no AO3  / “Terra de Ladrões” (Versão Português)

Chapter warnings: explicit language, explicit violence. 

Word count for this chapter:  4002K

Summary:  When you were a child, you swore that no matter how high the reward in your head, she could always count on you. Life as an outlaw in the west is not easy, but you believe that train robberies are still easier than asking a pretty girl to dance. Land of Thieves, also know as your love story with Wanda Maximoff in the Wild West.

Pt.1 || Pt. 2 || Pt. 3 || Pt.4 || Pt.5 || Pt.6 || Pt.7 || Pt.8 || Pt.9 || Pt.10 || Pt.11

You were covered in mud and blood when you entered the saloon. Curious and judgmental eyes turned to you, but you didn't stare back. Stretching your back, you felt your whole body ache; the recent beating was sure to leave marks. Walking over to the counter, you threw three gold coins onto the wood, muttering in a mumbled tone "bath" to the saloon keeper. He nodded slightly, showing you the way to the restrooms. As you washed up, you grumbled against the recent cuts, but you were happy to know that you hadn't been shot. Your body ached, but without bullet wounds, you would be better in no time. A pretty girl who worked in the saloon smiled at you when she took your muddy clothes to wash them, and you looked away blushing helplessly. She handed you new clothes before she left. When you finished your shower, you put on the white silk shirt, and beat-up jeans that were handed to you. The boots were not new, but they were comfortable. You also put on spurs, but they didn't give you suspenders, so you left the shirt loose against your body, enjoying the lightness. Attaching your holstered belt to your waist, you checked to be sure your Schofield revolver was clean and locked before you holstered it. You walked to the top floor of the saloon, ignoring the curious glances cast at you on the way. You hoped that no one would recognize you from the reward posters, but you weren't so sure about that, since your face was quite exposed without your hat, which must now be somewhere lost in the middle of New Elizabeth, or on some thief's head. Whistling softly, you walked to the saloon balcony, watching the town below. Valentine is a ranching town, small and not very crowded. Lots of pedestrians, you observe. You light a cigarette as you watch the citizens go about their mundane lives, many opportunities passing before your eyes. You let your gaze wander to the town bank, a few meters ahead on the right of the saloon. You notice that security is low. Making mental notes about everything you could observe from there, you put out your cigarette, returning to the lower part of the saloon, toward the counter. - A whiskey and a beef stew. - You grumble, handing the bartender some coins. He nods in agreement and in a few minutes you get your meal. While you are sitting at the farthest table in the room, you listen attentively to the conversation of two men at the poker table, who have caught your attention. - My cousin saw the carriages in Saint Denis. Four horses in each, and he said that the riders were armed to the teeth." - The skinny man commented excitedly, his friend didn't look so happy. - Those damned bankers are like pests of the soil. You saw what happened to that southern town, I think it was called White Gate. - commented the man with the mustache, his expression frowning. - After the oil ran out, everybody lost their jobs. Stark closed the mine and the citizens began to starve. Almost everyone moved to the neighboring towns. Stark. The name was not strange to you, but you could not tell exactly where you had heard it before. You finished your stew, deciding that Steve would want to know about both the bank and the possible rich men who were visiting the town. Finishing your whiskey in one gulp, you stood up, leaving the saloon just as you collected your freshly washed clothes from the same woman who had brought them. It was hot and humid outside. Knight, your Hungarian half-breed horse, grunted with delight when you stroked his mane. You smiled at him before you mounted. You rode south, figuring you would have no trouble finding the new camp site, and trying to remember Bucky's instructions about where exactly they were. It took some time, but you finally found the camp. You dismounted Knight as you entered the area between the trees, walking calmly to the largest tent. Steve Rogers was like a father to you. When your birth parents died of cholera, you ran away from the orphanage the government put you in, and started living on the streets. You were only seven years old, but you were smart enough to hide in one of the garbage carts when the nuns weren't looking, and you ran away because you couldn't stand being beaten by the older children and your own teachers. You ended up somewhere in West Elizabeth, and while trying to steal some food, you were chased by two officers. But just as they were about to catch up with you, someone knocked them out. You smiled when Steve held out a big piece of bread and water to you. From that moment on, you lived with him. The Avengers gang became your family. Steve took care of you, and trained you as an outlaw. You learned everything that was essential to survive in the Wild West, from hunting to murder. And as the years passed, other people joined the gang, and you accepted them all as your family. When Steve saw you, he smiled tenderly, wiping the sweat from his brow with a handkerchief as he motioned for you to enter the tent. - So, kiddo, what did you find out in Valentine? - asked the man as you sat down in the opposite position, on a wooden chair. - They have a poorly protected bank. - You shrugged. - But you know how these small towns are, the risk is almost always not worth the gain. - That's too bad, we need money. Especially to buy medicine. You let out a low exclamation of agreement, you knew exactly how difficult the situation was. It had been a particularly difficult season for the gang. With Fury's death at the last service, and the move out of town to get away from the officers, you were still facing a wave of illness. Carol and Bruce had been feverish and bedridden for days, and Thor had been shot during an unsuccessful robbery. - I overheard an interesting conversation, though. - You say, and Steve looks at you curiously. - Some rich people are coming to Valentine in a few days. The name Stark was mentioned, have you ever heard of it? Steve's eyes widen in surprise and excitement. - Of course I have! - he exclaims. - Filthy rich folks there! Rich enough to lend us a little money without even noticing. - I think Stark is going to buy the oil mines at Heartlands. And he's staying in Valentine while he does the negotiations. - That's excellent. - Steve says, running his hand along his chin in a thoughtful expression. - If the deposit is made in Valentine, we will have the purchase money first hand. You nodded. - But even if the deposit is made here, the money is sure to be transferred to Saint Denis. - You retort, trying to think of all the details of the scam. - Which means that we have to steal the money the same day it is deposited, or we only stand a chance during the transfer. Steve stood up, walking around the tent with the same thoughtful expression on his face. - No, no. - He began to speak as if the alternatives were rapidly forming in his head. - The carriage will be extremely protected. In the gunfire, we can be very worried about not getting killed, which will give them a chance to escape to the city. And then we'll have no way to reach them there. You sighed, knowing that he was right. You frowned, trying to think of something, but Steve soon spoke again. - We need to do this while the money is in the bank. And we have to do it fast. - He says, and then walks to the edge of the hut, looking around the field. He whistles, attracting the attention of Peggy Carter, who is chopping wood, and when she raises her curious gaze to him, Steve beckons her to join him. - What is it, Rogers? - Peggy asks gently. You exchange a smile with her. - We've got a new hit. - He says, making room for Peggy to join you. - Is Bucky around? - He went out hunting a few minutes ago. The twins went with him. - Peggy says and you rest your face on your own hand, waiting for Steve to speak again. - Oh right. I'll explain the details to them later. - The blond man says, walking around the cabin to the table in the opposite corner, and he takes a pen and paper and begins to write down what you think of as a rough draft of the plan. - We will rob Valentine's bank then. - I thought that banks in small towns were not worth the risk. - Peggy commented with a slightly confused expression. - Ah, but we have a unique opportunity. - Steve remarked, bringing the doodle over to Peggy. - Howard Stark, big oil guy, is going to buy the Heartlands mines. The purchase money will be deposited in Valentine before being transferred to Saint Denis. I believe we will have about a few hours to rob the bank - Steve, are you sure this is a good idea? - Peggy assumed a worried posture. - We are short on snipers... - It's a great idea. - He interrupts, looking at Peggy seriously, but still maintaining a calm tone. - We need the money, Peggy. If this is planned correctly, we don't have to worry about the number of weapons. - I appreciate the confidence in my abilities, by the way. - You playfully push your shoulder lightly against Peggy, she smiles at you. - Of course I trust you, Y/N. - She answers, but her gaze is still worried. - We just need to be careful in this job. You spend the rest of the afternoon planning. It doesn't take long for Bucky to join you. He hands a deer carcass to Pietro, who carries it back to the supply hut. Steve repeats the plan, and you let your gaze drift quickly to Wanda, who smiles at you, and you feel something in your stomach drop. Blushing, you look away, turning your attention back to Steve. It is already night when you have finally finished working out the plan. Wanda and Pietro joined you at some point, and you had to mentally repeat to yourself to pay attention to Steve's words and not to the redheaded girl a few feet away. You didn't want your passion to cost your life or put everyone else in danger because you didn't absorb the plan correctly, but you were getting to this level of unfocused. You felt a light tug on your arm as you walked toward the fire, and found yourself smiling wryly as you faced Wanda already looking at you. - I got my first deer today. - She declared, looking up at you with bright eyes, a tone of pride and happiness in her voice. You raise your eyebrows in a pleased expression. - What? That's amazing, Wands. - You replied. - I told you that you would learn soon! I would have liked to have seen it. - We can hunt together. - She says, and you try not to show your nervousness at the thought of being alone with Wanda, but you don't disguise it very well, which makes Wanda confused, and she looks almost disappointed when she quickly adds - Pietro can come with us too. You blink a few times, believing her to be clarifying that she had no intention of spending time alone with you, and swallowing dryly, you nod in agreement. - Yes, yes. Sure, we should call him too. - You say taking a few steps back, hands in your pockets as you stare uncomfortably at the floor. Wanda bites her lower lip lightly, finding you extremely difficult to decipher. You spend a moment in silence, before she speaks again - We can go tomorrow afternoon if you have no business in town. You think about it for a moment, trying to remember if you had made any appointments, if any robbery opportunities had been signaled to you, but you can't think of anything. - No, it's fine. We can hunt tomorrow. - You say, trying not to be too embarrassed by the contented smile Wanda flashes at you. She was probably going to say it was marked, but Pietro interrupted the moment by extending a bowl of stew in front of her face. Wanda blinked a few times in confusion, but thanked her brother as soon as she grabbed the item. Pietro turned to you next, a relaxed posture as he took a sip of the beer he was holding. - What were you two talking about? - he asked, his tone curious. - It's rude to snoop, you know. - You teased, drawing a short laugh from Wanda, and Pietro rolled his eyes stubbornly, but smiled. - We're going hunting tomorrow. I'll show Y/N that I learned how to use the bow on some deer. - explained Wanda, looking at her brother. - Will you come with us? Pietro frowned, denying with his head. - Sorry, little sister. - He speaks seriously, but his eyes have a malice in them that you didn't know how to recognize. - I'd love to join you on your date, but I have an appointment. You and Wanda blush at the insinuation, but Pietro continues with a playful aura as he takes another sip of beer. Although embarrassed, you can't help but be happy to know that you would be spending some time alone with the girl. - Oh, all right. - Wanda says in what seems to be an attempt to sound disappointed, but her eyes sparkle slightly as she speaks. You don't notice, but Pietro smiles at the expression. - You're full of secrets lately. What kind of appointment? Pietro laughs, shrugging his shoulders. He walks toward you with a playful expression, and puts his arm around your shoulders, smiling at Wanda as he leans on you. - Your girlfriend taught me how to play poker and now I am famous, my presence is requested in Rhodes. I need to bet and win some money for this place. You choke slightly on the phrase and feel your face heat up, looking down at the floor. Wanda lets out a nervous laugh, and pushes her brother lightly, making him let go of you. - You mean lose money, don't you? - she teases. - Even Thor plays better than you, and he usually just flips the table. You laugh, risking a glance at Wanda, who has a reddened face and quickly exchanges a smile with you. Pietro rolls his eyes and walks past you, waving goodbye. Deciding that you should eat something, you nod to Wanda that you are going to the fire. She smiles and follows you silently

You didn't hunt very often. Although you were good at it, it was not your function in the camp. You were a gunslinger, and your jobs usually involved carriage robberies and trespassing, even the occasional robbery. You were always part of the team for the big scams. And then Wanda invited you to go deer hunting and you became an anxious mess. Stumbling out of your tent, you hurried to take a quick swim in the creek near the campground. It was important not to smell too strongly when you went out hunting, as the animals could more easily notice you. Coming out of the water with wet hair, you put on your clothes, leaving the suspenders hanging from your waist and a few buttons open on your shirt. You were feeling heated. You waited for Wanda at the campfire. She also bathed before meeting you, and she seemed slightly anxious when she found you. You smiled as you poured some coffee, and Wanda looked a little airy when she accepted the cup. You didn't understand why, but the sight of your relaxed appearance, your loose hair and your exposed collarbone was absolutely irresistible to her, making Wanda feel heated in places that were not appropriate. You joked that soon she would become the best hunter in the camp, and you were happy to make her smile. As you rode out of the camp, you smiled as you felt Wanda lightly tap her foot against yours, as you used to play with as children. Riding in silence for a few minutes, you enjoyed the gentle breeze until you came to a hunting spot. You descended from Knight slowly, stretching your body when you reached the ground. Wanda watched your shirt lift and reveal some skin, then she looked away quickly, her face red. You cast a curious look, thinking she was feeling heat. Grabbing your rifle stored on the horse, you watched Wanda take from Lily's saddle - her red sorrel - a longbow and some arrows. You walked in silence, heading for the shallow part of the creek beside you, where you could easily find deer. It was comfortable to be in Wanda's presence, even in silence. Neither of you had to say anything to know exactly what to do next, your body following her along the way as if you had done this many times before. One look and you knew when to wait, or when to be quiet. It didn't take long before you spotted the deer. There weren't many, and Wanda bent down in front of you to take aim. You watched her with admiration. She raised her bow, and you noticed the slight tremor in her hands and frowned. You came forward, also bent down, and stood beside her. - There's no need to be nervous, Wands. - You whispered softly. - It's just me. The trembling in their hands seemed to diminish, but it was still there. You moved closer, raising your hands to join Wanda's, helping her to keep a steady aim. - Take a deep breath. - You said against her ear, waiting for her to obey. - And then shoot. With her speech, Wanda let go. The arrow cut through the air with speed, hitting the animal straight in the head. A perfect shot. You smiled, and when you looked at Wanda, she was already looking at you. You were about to congratulate her on the shot, but Wanda hugged you by the neck, surprising you. You felt your face heat up and due to the shock, you didn't respond to the hug, your body seeming asleep for an instant. Wanda let you go quickly, her face flushed with apology. You were about to tell her it was okay, and maybe hug her back, then you heard an animalistic noise that attracted your full attention, a low growl that you knew all too well. Glad you had brought your rifle, you looked around, searching for the source of the noise. Wanda blinked curiously, but you didn't look at her again. Standing up, you held the rifle with both hands, your gaze roaming the surroundings. A moment later, the bushes a few feet away moved, and you watched the creature sneak through the undergrowth, only to run toward you the next second, preparing to jump. The sound of gunfire echoed for a few seconds after the shot. You let out the breath you were holding and watched the panther lying on the ground, just a few inches away from your feet. Wanda looked at you in shock, and you offered your hand to help her up. - Sorry for the scare. - You grumbled, walking towards the panther intent on retrieving the skin, which should be worth a few dozen dollars. - We always have to be careful not to become the prey during the hunt. - How did you hear it? - Wanda asked curiously. - Practice I guess. - You said, kneeling down beside the panther. - Every sound around us is important. - You explained - Pay attention now, for example. Besides my voice, what do you hear? Wanda seemed to think for a moment. - I can only hear water, I think. Maybe birds. - She confesses, you finish cutting the skin off the animal in front of you. - Oh, sorry. - You say quickly. - I forgot that I just drove all the animals away with the noise of the rifle. You laugh to yourself, and Wanda smiles at you tenderly. - Let's go after that deer. I'll teach you to hear the sounds another day. - You tell her as you stand up. Walking over to the dead deer, you observe Wanda kneeling beside the animal, drawing her own knife. - Bucky taught you how to skin? - you ask, watching the firm but still amateurish cut Wanda was giving the animal. - Yes, he told me to skin rabbits before he taught me to cut the deer during yesterday's hunt. - said the red-haired girl focused on the activity. You tried not to blush as you watched a drop of sweat trickle down your neck. - I learned to skin animals from him too. - You commented as you waited for Wanda to finish the task. - I was a little smaller, I think. - I guess it took long enough for us to learn how to hunt, didn't it? - Wanda joked, drawing a smile from you. It was true, hunting had been the last activity Steve and Bucky taught you. For some reason, teaching them to shoot was a higher priority than getting food from the wild. A moment later, Wanda finished, raising the deer leather in the air, showing off her work proudly. You laughed at her expression, signaling for her to step away from the animal. You handed her your rifle, and bent down, grabbing the carcass with both hands and throwing it over your shoulders to carry it to the horse. It was quite heavy, but you concentrated your breathing as Bucky had taught you, and managed to carry the animal to Wanda's sorrel. After placing the carcass on the back of the animal, you grunted when you saw the state of your shirt, completely covered in blood. - What's the matter? - Wanda asked curiously when she heard your sigh. - Pepper made me promise not to come covered in blood to the camp anymore. - You say, rolling up your sleeves. - She told me she would put me to sleep with the horses if I showed up like this again. Of course, she will probably just change my watch shifts, but it will still be a pain to hear the lecture. - You could have told me to carry the deer. - Wanda retorted, looking at you with a mixture of seriousness and guilt. You just smiled. - Don't be silly, I just need to clean up before I go back. - You said simply, and Wanda frowned in confusion. And then she choked in surprise, watching you pull your shirt over your head. You went around her body and towards the creek. It took Wanda a few seconds to snap out of her shock, then she turned her head toward the creek, her face flushed. You rubbed the fabric with your hands, watching the blood drip into the water. You put your shirt aside only to wet your own body, wiping any traces of blood from your skin. Completely oblivious to the shy mess Wanda had become as she watched you wash yourself. Finished cleaning yourself, you wrung out your shirt, getting as much water buildup out as possible. You put your clothes back on, feeling the damp fabric against your skin. Wanda stood in the same place you had left her, and you frowned when you saw her look quickly away from you, her face red. You suddenly felt very embarrassed, thinking that you must have crossed some boundary with her. Coughing awkwardly, you walked toward your own horse. You rode in silence back to the camp, you mentally going over the whole conversation trying to find what you had done wrong that made Wanda so quiet. You were surprised when you heard her singing softly. Smiling without looking at her, you slowed down the speed of Knight's gallop, trying to enjoy the moment to the fullest. Wanda continued to sing the whole way, and you tried to ignore the feeling of butterflies in your stomach

#wanda maximoff x reader #marvel reader insert #western au #wanda maximoff #wanda x you #wanda x reader #marvel imagines #red dead redemption au #Land of Thieves

[datawyrms]

Half a Decade Late

Valerie was finally promoted to the main headquarters of the Guys in White. There she finally comes face to face with Phantom, who disappeared five years ago, locked in a cell. For Phic Phight 2021, @lexosaurus' prompt!

Nothing proved ’harder workers get ahead’ was only a capitalist lie than the absolute hassle getting promotions within the GIW. Of course she’d gone right to them for employment, it was the only organization large enough to actually pay people that took her resume of ghost hunting seriously. She had experience, actual knowledge and even her own gear but had still spent years getting jerked around to various small operations, basically just using her to train all their useless recruits while still just considering her a ‘fellow’ field agent. It wasn’t like she had the option to quit in protest, no one else was in the market for ghost hunters. As far as most people knew ‘ghost intelligence’ was just a joke cover story that the agents were very attached to. They didn’t want any more Amity Parks, so if she wanted to live somewhere new and still do her job...these guys were it. She’d been very clear, she wanted to be in the main office, where everything happened. That didn’t stop them from constantly assigning her literally anywhere but the actual headquarters. Maybe they finally ran out of other places, she still half expected to get stopped at the door and be told about a new field mission they absolutely needed her on immediately. It didn’t happen. Valerie Grey finally got to clock in as an Ecto Containment Officer at the main branch. Where they kept the strongest creatures, developed the new anti-ghost equipment and did more than just splattering a ghost down to nothing. Sure, she liked a good ghost obliterating, but it got boring after a while. There were only so many ways a ghost could beg for it’s useless afterlife before it became white noise. It didn’t stop any new ones from showing up, or tell her anything new. Just got rid of one pest, permanently. That wouldn’t help explain some ghosts, the powerful ones that showed up again and again. It wouldn’t explain the one that stopped showing up either. There was no way that life ruining ghost just got ‘bored’ and vanished without notice. It was still out there, plotting something. She just knew it in her bones. She had to be ready for it. There were traces of that ghost, hints of his ectosignature that she came across in the field, he was still out there. The GIW was just a means to an end, she didn’t trust them to be ready alone.

Sterile corridors and simplistic signs were expected, but even the break area was doing its best impression of a frozen tundra. Fantastic for morale? Probably not. Made the coffee pot easy to spot, at least. Even if she preferred to avoid the stuff in uniform. It stained too easily, and just made her wish for her red battle suit. She took a cup to at least have an excuse for her scoping out the place, she could pass it off to someone once she got to the containment area. A quick double check that everything was in place at the mirror before heading right back out to the winding halls. She wasn’t going to be late, she didn’t have time for that. Maybe a red tie was against protocol, but no one had been stupid enough to bother her about it yet. Judging from the deferential nods from her latest coworkers, that wouldn’t be changing. No one who worked here couldn’t know who she was. The only Ghost Hunter who got out of Amity Park without getting corrupted by the ectoplasmic monsters. It was a shame, Jack and Maddie Fenton used to be a serious force for humanity. Five years ago they suddenly flipped the script, denouncing their work and calling for peace with unreasonable fiends. Their daughter Jazz likely had something to do with it, but Valerie had her own theories. Danny, her friend and once boyfriend had gone missing around that time. Leverage to ensure the Fenton’s ‘good behaviour?’ The whole thing reeked of ghosts. To think she might have gone the same way. Back then she was actually listening to the pest, starting to really consider them a ‘good’ ghost. Like that was actually possible, when he’d just been playing to emotion and her own desire to give up in fighting a dangerous foe over and over. So much for that. That monster showed it’s true colours, sure enough. Something the GIW never bothered to look into, even as she wrote report after report about the incident, how unlikely it was for the Fentons of all people to change that drastically without constant possession. Not worth the resources, even when it was easy to see what tech was built on the foundations the couple had laid. They were throwing away so much to focus on little outbreaks of ghosts instead of making more of a lasting change. Stupid. That was what the funding was ‘meant’ to go towards, as if helping the Fentons would be less productive than making a slightly different ectogun.

She almost hoped there would be a problem, just to prove this is where she should have always been.Even if it seemed distinctly unlikely. She had to swipe to get into the lab, then yet again to actually get to the cells. Or the ‘vault’, as if the higher ups wanted to pretend the creatures in there were inert materials instead of cunning and dangerous beings. Even though they had someone posted at each door, and someone on guard inside as well, herself today. To get acquainted with the place mostly, she had more than enough training on ‘proper handling’ procedures.

“Hey, you can swap with me today, if you want.”

Valerie blinked, eyebrow already raised at the posted guard’s suggestion. “I can handle watching caged ghosts.”

They had the sense to look embarrassed, taking their hand away from the oversized ectogun to loosen their tie- which was tied rather poorly now that she got a better look at it. “I’m sure you can, it’s just, well.” They wouldn’t stop fidgeting with their tie now, eyes checking that no one was really paying attention to the guards. “H0G02 is awake today. No one likes those days.”

“Then all the more reason to get used to it early.” She didn’t give them time to sputter another excuse, swiping her card and striding past without another look. As if people should be worried about a captive ghost being awake. Maybe some of the people here never got a spine before joining up.

It wasn’t as cold as she expected it to be. Or as dark. It was actually brighter, thanks to the extra row of fluorescent lights. On some level she expected the room to reflect the monsters kept here, a shadowy icebox of a space. Of course it wasn’t. These were defeated creatures under human control, of course their cages would be bright and clean, the air warmed for human comfort. The ghosts might not like it, but why care what they wanted? It wasn’t like there were many to begin with, mostly green oversized vermin with blank red eyes. Most had the sense to cower back as she walked past, but a fair few didn’t even twitch. Calling a ghost of all things lifeless was foolish, but it was the only word coming to mind...she had to focus. She didn’t pity these things. Why so many creatures though? The real dangerous ones, the most monstrous ones were the ones that could play human, the ones that had conniving minds that only worked to cause destruction and terror. These were just feral things, annoying but hardly more impressive than a coyote when you knew what to do. Half of them she’d barely rate above ‘feral cat’. A light near the back flickered. Strange. When it flickered a second time she was already releasing her helmet to pull it on. Not nearly as easy as just willing it on, but at least she could carry it in a pocket without needing to rely on some ghost’s power. Three steps and her gun was ready, not that she expected to need it. Really, she worked on autopilot, legs still moving as she stared at the largest glass cage at the back of the room. Or more accurately, at what was in it.

“Oh, newbie. ‘Sup.” The ghost rasped out, blank green eyes watching the ghost hunter. A teenaged boy with a shock of white hair, a black jumpsuit, but the voice of a seventy year old chain smoker. Just sitting in a painfully bright cell, watching. Not exactly as she remembered him, but close enough.

“You.” The disgust was easy to voice, even as her brain struggled to catch up. He was here? Looking practically exactly as he had when she was still a soft hearted freelancer?

He only gave a sputtering laugh at the aggression. “Me? You’re not that mad about the light, are you? I’m bored, Tie.”

“What are you doing here?” That wasn’t the important question really, she should be more concerned that he apparently was able to manipulate light fixtures from his cell...but she’d been hunting after this ghost for five years. Protocol could go shove itself up the director’s ass.

“Same thing I do every day Tie, being some government property!” His laugh was wrong, not from amusement like she remembered. A desperate cackle that didn’t fool anyone. “You new enough to still have your soul in there?”

“Answer the question, Phantom.”

The smirk slid off the ghost’s face. “Wh’ad you call me? Like I’m only calling you Tie cus the red sticks out, I can call you Shooty if you don’t like it, newbie.”

The response made her insides run cold. It had to be Phantom, and the terrible sense of humour was just like him- but the ghost wasn’t quite right. What was this? It couldn’t be some copy of the ghost kid, could it? “I called you by your name, ghost.”

“Never heard of em.” The ghost crossed his legs and looked away, apparently bored of the person holding a weapon. “What day is it?”

Surely he was playing around. “What do you think your name is, then?”

He didn’t take his attention off the ceiling, looking more bored than anything.“Day first, Tie. Gotta know how much of a head start I’ve got.”

“Like you’re in any position to bargain.”

“Hm? Whatcha gonna do Tie? Let me be unconscious for a few hours? Scary. Day first.”

There was the Phantom she knew, snide and sarcastic when he really had no business being so. “I could do worse than that.”

“Doubt it. You gun grunts gotta listen to the freaks out there, remember?” His shoulders shook with a silent laughter, but it looked more like spasms. “No more mishandling the goods, yeah? Day Tie, comeonnnnnn”

Since when was he so interested in the calendar? Not to mention how weird it was how he kept referring to himself...and pretending he didn’t know his name. “It’s Monday.”

That got his attention, the casual rocking halting as he looked at her again, disturbingly still. “Monday, really?”

“Lying is your thing, not mine.”

He grinned. “I like you Tie, so you’ll probably be fired in like a week. Maybe it’s the red.” The tension left the ghost completely, she hadn’t even noticed how stiffly he’d been sitting until his spine relaxed as his elbows rested on his legs. “Pretty sure I’m H0G02. Least that’s what all your creeps call me.”

There was no way Phantom of all ghosts would call himself ‘H0G02’. He had to be a mimic of some sort, a ghost that modelled himself on the once well known Amity Park menace. “You like me because I told you it was Monday? Seriously?”

“I like the Mondays more than you, if that helps.”

“Not particularly.”

“Sounds like a you problem.” He was watching her again, more curious than anything. She shouldn’t be glad to see a spark of something in those eyes, but he was far less creepy this way.

“What’s so great about Monday? You’re a ghost.” She didn’t really care. She should be asking important questions. She was just...playing along to see if it really was Phantom. That didn’t stop her for being grateful for the helmet.

“Monday is the farthest day away from Friday.”

“Wouldn’t that be Saturday?”

“It hasn’t been Saturday or Sunday for...like four years? Those days don’t exist, I think you humans made ‘em up to prank me.” Phantom shrugged, sounding completely serious. Not even a hint of amusement or a grin. “Pretty good one, all you new guys keep it up.”

He was going to be completely useless if he kept saying nonsense. How could he be useful in finding out what happened to the Fenton’s son if he couldn’t even talk about the days of the week sensibly? “Fine, what’s so bad about Friday then.”

“Ohhhhh, you’re really new, Tie.” the ghost flopped onto his side, bored of sitting up apparently. “You know, the day they keep me around for? That day.” He wasn’t quite still, his right shoulder moving very, very carefully. Hiding something.

She didn’t have the patience for this.“What are you hiding there.”

“Tie has good eyes. Gotta remember that.” Phantom muttered, getting onto his back, a blue shard of ice melting off his arm.

“You don’t really think that some ice would help you out of there?”

“Out?” He looked mystified by the suggestion, but that could more be seeing his face upside down. “That glass doesn’t break for anything, I should know.”

Which didn’t explain why he’d been trying to hide the fact he’d made ice at all. He knew it too, but apparently playing stupid was still one of his favourite tactics. “Knock it off and just answer me.”

Phantom’s frown didn’t change, green eyes staring intently at her helmet as if hoping to see through it. “I could show you why?”

It didn’t sound like a threat. “Sure, why not. It’s gonna be a long day.” If it was? Then she’d show him that she wasn’t someone he could mess with.

Ice wrapped itself around the ghost’s lower arm alarmingly quick, a wickedly sharp blade of ice with serrated teeth jutting from the scrawny arm at an awkward angle. It was practised, something this ghost must have done often in all the time he’d been gone from her life. Yet it was so different from how Phantom usually chose to fight. That was a weapon to tear and maim, not to shock, stun or bruise. It looked wrong on him. The idea that this ghost wasn’t Phantom at all only grew more credible with that thing on his arm, even if ice powers were to be expected. His eyes flicked back to green, still fixated on her as he lifted the arm and stabbed down hard. Right into his other arm. Didn’t even blink.

“What are you doing!” She couldn’t remember the last time Phantom had ever been frightening on some primal level. This- with the disturbing snap of bone as the edges of the blade caught and tore made her hair stand on end. “Stop that, Phantom. What’s wrong with you!?”

“Cancelling Friday.” Phantom was laughing as the blade melted away into the pool of green rapidly spreading from his self inflicted wound. “I said you’d probably get fired Tie.”

“Forget Friday you idiot, cover the wound so you stop splattering everywhere!” He was just a ghost-a ghost messing with her. A ghost she’d fought with and had heard scream in pain. This...thing wasn’t him. Her heart didn’t care what her mind thought, insisting he needed help.

The ghost sat up, his left arm holding on by a shred of his suit before splattering into the puddle, but the left behind stump stopped dripping almost as quickly as he’d lost the limb. “Aw. Maybe Tie does have some soul left. You actually sound worried.”

“Of course I am! You slashed your arm off!”

“So?”

He didn’t seem to be in pain. If it wasn’t for the mess of green and the lack of a limb, she’d almost say she imagined it. Why did she care? “You wouldn’t do this sort of thing.”

“Uh. Yes I would? You just saw me do it. I’m down for an encore.”

The idea just made her feel ill. “Don’t.” Did she want this to be Phantom or not? “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Well I’m down an arm. So the coats are going to be very whiny about how much ectoplasm they can get out of me.”

“You must have felt that.”

“Sure. Isn’t nearly as bad as when they start ripping as much ectoplasm as they can out of you. Every single Friday.” He actually rolled his eyes, like she should just know this.

Why did they bother keeping Phantom around if they just wanted ectoplasm? He might be strong, but no ghost had limitless amounts. They’d just fall apart and stop existing. That’s why the weakest ones never even left the Ghost Zone, they couldn’t survive without constantly being around the stuff! “What makes you so special then? Not your attitude.”

“I’m just lucky enough to make my own ectoplasm. Who knew food was easier to get then high grade ectoplasm? Not me.” His remaining arm pointed to her weapon, his smile stretching. “Bet ya your weapon’s fully powered from Fridays. Yours and every other thing they use in this hellhole.”

“Ghosts can’t do that.” The lie was absurd. It went against everything they knew about ghosts, even before food entered the equation.

“Y’know, Tie. I think I knew a ghost hunter that wore red once.” the ghost’s eyes went unfocused, unmoving as he looked listlessly into space. “It’s a good colour.”

“You knew me. Quit fooling around with this not remembering crap.” Valerie threw her helmet aside, no longer caring. She had to know who this ghost really was. She had to know if everything he was blathering about was a lie. So what if it wasn’t ‘safe’.

His eyes didn’t change. “Y’know how hard it is to remake a brain? Cut me some slack Tie…”

“I mean it. Look at me Phantom. If you’re the ghost I know, you can stop pretending to be something else.”

“You lose the details. Arms and legs are easy. The brain though? Way too hard.” He kept rambling to himself, not reacting even as she put a hand to the glass to get his attention. “Y’know how many times they’ve cut it open? I don’t. I lose track after like. Eleven. Maybe. Pointy Shoe said my best was fifteen but I sure don’t remember that.”

She wanted him to just stop talking. She wanted this ghost to be some strange creature she didn’t know. To not have the only possible link to someone long lost a shattered husk. “Phantom. Do you remember the hunter in red’s name?”

He finally blinked. “I’m not this Phantom guy, Tie.”

“Okay, whatever, forget that part. The ghost hunter in red, what do you remember?” She insisted, knocking again in hopes it would keep the ghost’s focus.

“Wish I’d told em something.” he held up his gloved hand as she opened her mouth to speak. “Don’t remember what that something was, don’t ask.”

So he was Phantom? He couldn’t be. That was so non-specific it could be anything. “You never explained how you’re the only ghost that can make their own ectoplasm.”

“It’s in my name Tie! Come on. Thought you guys were smart or whatever.” He did a very awkward one armed attempt at crossing it, eyebrow raised. “The H? The feeding a ghost food thing?”

She didn’t really get the whole naming scheme they used here. The fact it mattered wasn’t making her gut unclench either. “What about the H?

“Hybrid? Might have been Human. That might have been a joke.”

Valarie’s mouth was drier than any desert when he said it that easily, that casualty while kicking his own arm aside. “You’re saying you aren’t all ghost.”

“Yup. Not yet! Trust me, I’ve tried,” the bubbly high pitched laugher clawed out of the ghost at that. “I tried so much. Guess it’s another thing I’m a failure at, eh Tie?”

Something told her not to ask. She had to know. Five years she waited, five years apparently knocked Phantom clear from reality.“Does Danny Fenton mean anything to you?”

He just laughed harder at the question. “Really Tie?”

“Yes, really.”

“That’s the name I scream at em. Don’t know why. Feels good though.”

“Is it your name?” Had he had contact with Danny? Been part of whatever made him go missing from everyone’s lives? He couldn’t be, there was no way.

“They get reallllll angry when I say it is.”

There was no way the GIW had a human captive for five years. There was no way Phantom could be the Danny she knew. The ghost was just lying. He had to be, she desperately needed him to be. “Were you fused with a human or something? Got stuck when possessing someone?”

“Nah. Been like this before I got here, pretty sure. You can check your fancy gear though. There’s some non-ghost DNA in it. Lucky lucky me,” he lay back down in the mess of ectoplasm, ignoring how it clung to his hair. “Thanks for the Friday off! I hate those.”

There was no reason to need air. Talking to a ghost she didn’t even like shouldn’t make her feel like she was being crushed under a boulder. Panting for air, outside the room would make her look pathetic and weak, but she needed the space, needed to be away from that...mockery of a ghost.

“He does that to everyone. He’ll repeat the whole thing in a week or so, but he’s a really good copy the first time you see it.” The guard gave a comforting word, apparently unsurprised by her sudden unscheduled departure.

Oh, there would be no ‘next time.’ Not if he was right about her weapon. But she nodded instead, letting her ‘coworker’ think she was just overwhelmed. Even if all she could think of was how many ways this place would burn if that ghost- that thing had been a human once. She was good at telling when ghosts lied. Phantom didn’t sound like he had. No matter how much she tried to convince herself he did.

#Danny Phantom #phic phight #phic fight 2021 #valerie gray #how obvious is the angst #100% #but maybe in a different way then usual? #the comfort is only the FLAMES OF POSSIBLE REVENGE

[disgruntledspacedad]

Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series  character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment. 

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself. 

I call bullshit, though. 

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her. 

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life. 

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt. 

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too. 

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine. 

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there. 

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me. 

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct. 

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down. 

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it. 

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi. 

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection. 

Javi just denies this emphatically. 

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug. 

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels. 

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most. 

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something. 

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return. 

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that. 

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #narcos #narcos netflix #pedro pascal #Javier Peña headcanon #Javier Peña imagine #Javier Peña x you #better love #the rules of engagement #i will spam you guys about this precious disaster couple for as long as you let me

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

On Family

An excerpt from Memoirs of a Flesh Eater, never published

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One question that I see asked in the news a lot is why there are still any ghouls left. We have a distinctive, high-impact feeding habit that requires us to stay within human society, where we are both outnumbered and outgunned. This has essentially been the case since the development of automatic firearms, and you’ve continued to develop more and more effective methods of killing us since then. How are we not extinct?

The talking heads always have lurid theories to propose. My personal favorite one, which comes up every couple of years or so, is that the government is secretly breeding us so that they have an excuse to send secret police out into the general populace for nefarious purposes pretending to be exterminators. As if they’d need the excuse {Editing Note: I’ve gotta keep my political views out of this except where they directly pertain to ghouls. No unnecessarily alienating people}. The most commonly accepted one seems to be that we just have a lot of children to compensate for our high mortality rate. Spatha calls that an R strategy, I think. Scarlet calls it the Rabbit Theory. Whatever you call it, it’s wrong. Our species has survived off the strength and compassion of our families.

Contrary to popular impressions, our “nuclear” families are pretty small. My understanding is that 1-4 children is the typical range. I’m the only confirmed only child in my friend group. Scarlet’s the youngest of three, Scorpio’s a middle child, Spatha avoids talking about her home life, and Kestrel doesn’t know her biological parents. There’s a couple of pressures that keep our family sizes small. First, it’s challenging to feed too many ghouls at once, especially ghoul children, who we don’t want worrying about where they’re going to get their meals. Second, the majority of ghoul parents are going to end up as single parents before their kids are fully grown. Either one of them is going to get killed, or they’re going to have to separate to go on the run from the exterminators; and, of course, we do still break up and get divorced sometimes.

These pressures are exaggerated by our general lack of an extended family. It’s not that all of our aunts and uncles get hunted down - even if they did, we’d still have cousins - but it’s not safe for us to have traceable extended families. When exterminators identify a ghoul, the first thing they do is put out a bulletin for all known blood relatives. The most common tactic to avoid this is, when multiple siblings make it to adulthood, at least one of them changes their identity and moves away. This isn’t always done, but it’s done often enough that document forging is a widespread and well-respected profession in the Society. It’s useful for dodging exterminators in other circumstances too. My mom and I changed our names and moved cities after exterminators killed my dad when I was 4.

Between that and the sheer number of out-and-out orphans in our Society, it should come as no surprise that we’ve developed a new family structure to fill in the gaps. The terminology we use for this structure is variable, but the term I’ve always used is “household”. A household is a sort of adopted extended family, typically formed by and centered around one particularly resourceful ghoul called a patron. The patron takes whichever ghouls they choose under their wing, introduces them to each other, and helps them coordinate their talents and resources so that they all have everything they need. Most obviously, this means making sure they all have a supply of flesh, but there are numerous other kinds of support a household can provide. I doubt I need to emphasize again how valuable a reliable source of companionship and safety is, but patrons typically have access to connections and contacts that can help the other members of the household accomplish their goals.

My household, for example, was founded by our patron Yaga. It consists of her, her adopted daughter Kestrel, my mom and I, my friends Scarlet and Scorpio and their immediate families, and four other older ghouls. There’s also Spatha, who has been reluctant to fully join the household but acts like a member in most contexts. Three of our members have reliable flesh sources, and Yaga coordinates with other ghouls to find supplementary sources to ensure that she always has a surplus on hand. This keeps all of us well-fed and lets her distribute the rest to those in need in exchange for favors and cachet that the rest of us can use for our own advancement. In turn, the rest of us pitch in for odd jobs here and there, mostly on flesh-gathering jobs of one kind or another, and we look out for each other. I’ve done a bit of babysitting with Kestrel, for example, and Yaga was able to get me and Scarlet summer jobs to save up for college.

Babysitting, by the way, is one of the most valuable services a household can provide to a ghoul parent. Given our mortality rate, it probably isn’t a surprise that there’s a good bit of cultural pressure to have children, and have them quick. Ghoul children are… a lot. When we’re newborn, we’re pretty much like human babies. Ghoul babies can nurse from ghoul mothers for awhile, which is a relief. They need to switch to flesh before their teeth come in, though, so that means flesh slurry, which is more complicated to make than you might think. For best results, you want a mix of blood, muscle tissue, organ tissue, and bone, especially marrow. We get better at pulling all our nutrients from just flesh as we mature, but babies aren’t as developed. Getting those varied tissues is a little more complicated than just getting flesh. Bone especially is challenging - more mature ghouls have no need for it, and it’s honestly kinda gross. You just have to hope that whoever you’re getting flesh from can start holding some bones for you. Not every source has easy access to bones. 

{Editing Note: I think I wrote bone too many times - it looks fake now. Bone. Bone.}

We get our ghoul teeth at the same time as our baby teeth. Our ghoul teeth fall out and are replaced too, but we keep growing new ones our whole lives, kinda like sharks. Funnily enough, I don’t think we grow extra human teeth, which seems like a strange way for evolution to take us, but what do I know, I’m not a biologist. At that point we can start eating regular flesh, and parents have the unenviable task of explaining to toddlers that they can’t just slide their teeth out whenever they want. Our other features come in a bit later - claws between 4 and 6, eyes with puberty. Let me tell you, the claws hurt coming in. I couldn’t hold a pencil for a month. My mom told the elementary school that I was deathly sick so she could keep me home, but I think Scarlet just pretended he’d broken both his hands and went in splints. I don’t envy him - stretching my claws did a lot to relieve the pain.

I’ll admit freely that, by our standards, I had a pretty charmed childhood. I fit into human society pretty easily, I had a mom who loved me and could provide for me, a patron and household to help pick up the slack, and ghoul friends my own age. I had the discipline to keep my true nature hidden from my human peers, and I don’t think I was even particularly traumatized by the pressure of performing humanity that much. I can safely attribute that to the fact that I had safe spaces throughout my life to let the charade drop. Most ghouls at least have that. Most, but not all.

Our integration into human society also means that we inevitably become entangled in human society. We become invested in the lives of our human peers, we befriend them, care about them. Sometimes we fall in love with them. Eating people seems like kind of a big secret to keep from a potential romantic partner - I certainly couldn’t manage it - but some ghouls form romantic relationships with humans nonetheless. Maybe some of these human partners eventually discover the truth and are willing to overlook it for the person they love, but I doubt it happens often. I’ve certainly never heard of it. I’ve heard of it going the other way, though, a human partner discovering the truth and reacting poorly. Someone always dies when that happens. I personally know a few ghouls who’ve dated humans, or are seriously involved with them. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. I get that the heart wants what it wants, but some wants aren’t worth the risk.

{Editing Note: That last line feels… tense. Emotionally charged. Why? And should I change it?}

In my opinion, the gravest of these risks is what happens when a human and a ghoul decide they want to build a life together, but kids are already in the equation. The human-ghoul mixed family is probably the most toxic environment that a ghoul child could be raised in and conceivably survive. All that pressure of hiding your true nature from your peers as you grow up? That feeling of isolation that follows you everywhere you go among humans? All of the most crushing emotional turmoil I’ve described in this book so far? Imagine if there was no relief for that even at home with your family. I frankly have no idea how ghoul parents manage to feed themselves and their children without being caught, or how they manage to perform humanity so flawlessly and constantly that their literal immediate family never catches on. I don’t know how those children manage to survive to adulthood, but I imagine they have some seriously fucked up mental health problems by the time they do. Factor in the suspicion that they would inevitably face from our Society when they finally are able to join it properly - after all, who more likely to become a Judas or be Lost than a ghoul raised by humans? - and I’d be willing to bet most of them don’t make it out of their twenties.

Before we move on entirely from families in general and mixed families in particular, I’d like to take a quick aside to talk about “half-ghouls”. You hear about them in horror media fairly often, the biological child of a human and a ghoul. Authors love to ascribe all sorts of traits to these hypothetical creatures - greater and more monstrous than the sum of their parts, supernaturally strong and vicious, impossible to detect within human society, sometimes with traits that are blatantly impossible, like telepathy or mind control or just plain magic. All of that is obviously untrue, but it’s something of a point of contention as to whether or not a “half-ghoul” is even possible. None of the ghouls I’ve talked to seem to agree about whether it can happen, and a search of human medical literature was similarly inconclusive. Humans, at least, seem to think that it might be theoretically possible, but have never been able to verify it by observation or by medical experiment. Of the ghouls I know that have been romantically involved with humans, none of them have ever gotten a kid out of it. It’s one of those things where we just don’t know. If it were possible, I’m not even sure what the implications would be.

#my writing #memoirs of a flesh eater #original fiction #not tlt

[wolf-pearl]

@aimeelouart I have finally finished writing the summary of that SSC au I mentioned on ao3.

This AU is based on the First's theories about Cloud. Basically, what if they were right with their assumptions? 

Zack is an early SOLDIER prototype and legendary 1st Class who got disappeared pre the Trio's time. His existence was completely erased. Zack was enhanced using only mako, no jenova cells. When the jenova cell infused mako treatment was found to result in greater enhancement than mako treatment alone, Zack was viewed as obsolete. 

Made obsolete by new j-cell SOLDIERS, combined with Hojo wanting to make way for Sephiroth to rise through the ranks, and fear that Zack's sway over the SOLDIERs would lead to mass insubordination in the event that Zack objected to ShinRa's immoral agendas became reasons for Zack to be disappeared and handed over to the science department. Zack was handed over to the science department by his own men, the betrayal resulting in his scorn for the SOLDIER program. 

Cloud was created to be a SOLDIER killer. President ShinRa, after seeing that there really wasn't any way to stop the SOLDIERs if they decided to turn against the company, orders Hojo to create some form of failsafe in the event that any SOLDIER turned against ShinRa. Cloud has been conditioned from day one to see SOLDIERs as highly dangerous combatants that will kill him if he can't neutralize them fast enough, and eliminating them is the job expected of him by Hojo and ShinRa. 

Zack was brought in at first to be Cloud's first real SOLDIER to kill. Problem was, Cloud was TINY at the time, and thus can't win that fight. Zack refuses to harm Cloud, because, you know, he's a literal child. So what was intended to be a fight to the death devolves into Zack giving Cloud pointers on his foot work and sword technique. Hojo sees the value in keeping Zack around to teach Cloud, as who's better to teach the boy how to fight SOLIDERs than an actual SOLDIER? On top of that, it has the added bonus of further instilling a distrust of SOLDIERS into Cloud. And so Hojo decides to keep Zack around for Cloud to practice fighting and to teach Cloud. (Don't be fooled, Hojo still absolutely plans on having Cloud kill Zack. He simply has moved that back as a potential final test before announcing Cloud as ready for deployment.) 

Cloud's actual name given to him by Hojo is Cumulonimbus. Upon hearing that, Zack declared that that was a terrible name for a kid, and started calling the boy Cloud instead. Cloud reacted poorly to the firsts calling him Cloud because that is Zack's name for him. Zack is the only person Cloud truly trusts, so the name Zack gave him is only for people he trusts. 

Cloud leveled his materia himself. They wanted him to have a full arsenal to take down rogue SOLDIERS. So, he's been using them since the moment he could. The fusion blade also belongs to Cloud. They put him through tests to see what all of his limit breaks are, and then designed the fusion sword to complement his final limit break, omnislash. 

Cloud was kept in the lab in Nibelheim. This meant that he was always in relative close proximity to Jenova. As such, Cloud has been subjected to Jenova's mind fuckery for his entire life. When Jenova first started reaching out to Cloud's mind it was simply to figure out what he was. Then she made Cloud's life hell. Cloud had to learn quickly how to block her out. This is why Cloud knows all the tricks to blocking out the crazy alien. This also means that Cloud has been getting visions of the future for most of his life.

Cloud wasn't meant to ever be in view of the public, or interact with civilians at all. The only people he was planned to interact with were his handlers and the SOLDIERS he was sent to eliminate. As such, there was no need to condition him to behave, hold his tongue, or be a poster boy like Sephiroth. The only behavior that mattered was following direct orders and returning to his handlers once his objective is complete.

Cloud recognizes the Buster sword because it used to be Zack's sword. It wasn't taken away from Zack when he was first brought in as they had intended to throw him into combat. After that he was allowed to keep it in order to further Cloud's lessons with him. Cloud knows how to tend to the Buster sword so expertly because he did so relatively often back in the labs. The scientists learned to use promises of extra time with Zack as an incentive for Cloud, and much of those bonus times were spent talking with Zack as they cared for the sword. Eventually the buster sword gets taken away from Zack as punishment for "bad behavior" - probably an escape attempt or attempting to interfere with one of the inhumane tests Cloud is put through. Zack assumes that it was melted down after being taken away. In reality, the Buster sword is given to Angeal. One of the last SOLDERS who served under, remembers, and still holds loyalty to Zack was the one who delivered the Blade to Angeal. The SOLDIER tells Angeal that the Buster Sword belonged to an honorable man who had no one to pass it onto, and that Angeal's dedication to dreams and honor reminded the SOLDIER of that man. Angeal was never told the name of the blade's original wielder.

Ribbon belonged to Zack. He had hid it from the scientists. Zack first gave it to Cloud after a nasty round of experiments involving status conditions. He had somehow braided it into Cloud’s hair. He gave it to Cloud permanently after the boy had clung to it like a security blanket. Knowing that the Ribbon was probably the first object that Cloud ever used as a security blanket, Zack vows that once they escape he will get Cloud an actual plushie. With ribbons of its own. 

During a time when Hojo is back in midgar, Zack breaks out of his cell, snags Cloud, and makes a break for it. They end up being forced to barricade themselves into a chamber that has a bunch of coffins. They find Vincent who takes one look at Cloud and decides that his sins can wait, there is a child right here who needs his help and he can help. Vincent and Zack tear through the scientists that are on site and scavenge what travel essentials they can from the lab along with the equipment that was made for Cloud, before making their escape with Cloud.

Somehow Cloud gets separated from Zack and Vincent, and decides to set out to destroy Jenova and burn the mansion to the ground. At this point Hojo is aware that something has gone wrong, and so Genesis is sent to Nibelheim, ostensibly to check an energy disturbance in the area. In reality he's been sent to retrieve Cloud, but he isn't told that. 

The outfit the Firsts find Cloud in is part of Zack’s old uniform. Cloud was pretty much only given hospital gowns and scrubs to wear by the scientists. When Zack and Cloud escaped Cloud’s clothes - which were nothing more than a hospital gown and scrub pants - got completely ruined. Zack wrapped Cloud up in his own outfit because while Zack was able to find extra clothes that fit himself in the lab, there wasn’t any kid clothes in the lab. Cloud ends up in Zack’s sleeveless turtleneck and pants, but Zack keeps the pieces that wouldn’t do Cloud any good for himself. This does mean that the outfit Cloud is wearing at the start is a little different than in ssc. Zack is smart enough to know that putting his massive steel toed boots on a small child is not going to do Cloud any good. So when Genesis finds Cloud the boy is not in a complete comically oversized ensemble with that skirt thing, the single shirtless sleeve, belts and all. Instead Gen finds a small bare foot child wearing a quarter turtleneck that's falling off his shoulders, a pair of already baggy pants that look like ufo pants on the kid, and a sword harness with an absolutely obnoxiously big sword. (Gen has a freak out when he sees Cloud standing in knee high snow without any footwear, because seriously how long has this kid been wandering around in below freezing temperatures barefoot, he could lose his toes.)

How did Cloud even get separated from Zack and Vincent, and how did he make his way back to Nibelheim from wherever they had fled to? Simple: don't ask me questions I don't have an explanation for yet.

Zack and Vincent are desperately trying to find Cloud. The First Class trio don't realize that they are being hunted down by two very protective, skilled, and enhanced individuals who are hell bent on getting Cloud back.

Because this AU removes (most of) the time travel aspects, Cloud’s reasons for being afraid of Sephiroth are different. One cause of Cloud’s fear of Sephiroth is that Cloud has been having nightmares and visions of the future for basically as long as he can remember. On top of this, Cloud also has been conditioned to think that the greatest threat he might ever have to fight is Sephiroth, as he’s the top SOLDIER. Hojo drove this point home by forcing Cloud to fight simulations of Sephiroth, and would punish Cloud if he failed to beat it. Hojo also constantly forced Cloud through intense experiments and enhancements to “bring his capabilities up to be equivalent to Sephiroth”, inadvertently causing Cloud to associate any mention of Sephiroth and/or Sephiroth’s continued improvement with being subjected to another barrage of experiments. However, Cloud probably won't be as afraid of Sephiroth in this AU as he is in SSC. Yes Cloud would still be afraid of Sephiroth, and yes Cloud would still be more afraid of Seph than he is of Genesis or Angeal. However without the time travel aspect from the original fic, Cloud just won’t have enough reason to be as afraid of Sephiroth as he is in ssc. In this AU Cloud’s more afraid of what Sephiroth represents (the visions of the future, the ultimate threat Cloud may have to face, and further experimentation) than he is of Sephiroth as a person.

Sephiroth could earn Cloud's trust through showing Cloud that Hojo had hurt him too. Sephiroth understands what it means to be hurt by Hojo. 

You still want time travel elements? Well you’re in luck because I have three options for that.

1) Cloud time traveled version 1: In the first time line, he escaped with Zack, but Zack ultimately got killed. Cloud takes Zack’s outfit to remember him by, and stays out of the reach of ShinRa, builds a life for himself as a mercenary. At some point during the years during mercenary work Cloud stumbles upon the Buster sword on a cliff in the midgar wastes. As Angeal had no protegee, he had neither a student to order to cut him down or anyone to pass the Buster sword onto. Angeal died while leaning against the flat of the blade that he had struck into the earth in an attempt to keep himself propped up. Cloud recognizes the Buster sword and takes it with him. He doesn’t learn how the Buster got on the cliff after it was taken from Zack. Cloud spends his years as a mercenary drifting to wherever his jobs take him, and for the most part ignoring the events that shake ShinRa such as the Nibelheim incident and the mass defections. He stays far away from anything to do with ShinRa up until he takes a job from AVALANCHE. From there Cloud follows an altered version of cannon events. When Cloud time traveled, he got sent back to when he was a kid in the labs with Zack, the only things he brought back from the future are his rare summon materia as well as his Master Materia, those really being the main equipment he got after the labs. This would mean Cloud being small doesn’t necessarily have to be because of Jenova.

2) Cloud time traveled version 2: Zack escapes with Cloud pre crisis core, but ultimately gets apprehended by Sephiroth, who was sent to recapture “escaped experiments”. Sephiroth kills Zack, and Cloud is returned to Hojo (this gives an alternate reason behind Cloud calling Sephiroth “murderer” in chapter 3). Cloud continues to be experimented on and is sent on his first mission during the events of crisis core to go after the SOLDIERs who defected with Genesis. Cloud is eventually sent after and successfully takes down Genesis and Angeal. Cloud doesn’t recognize them after time traveling at first due to how advanced their degradation was when he fought them on top of his memories of that time in his life being unclear. Cloud does recognize that the sword Angeal has is the Buster sword and takes it with him. All Sephiroth learns about the deaths of his friends is that they were taken down by “a classified project designed for this exact type of scenario”. When the Nibelheim incident occurs, Sephiroth was sent with a random SOLDIER first. Cloud was sent to investigate to see if the accompanying first went rogue after the team sent to Nibelheim fails to report in and ShinRa hears of a disturbance in the area. Cloud arrives to find the village burning and the unnamed First (along with everyone else) killed by Sephiroth. Following orders to eliminate any rogue SOLDEIRs along with recognizing Sephiroth as the person who killed Zack, Cloud kills the silver General. Hojo is furious when he arrives, demanding why Cloud would kill Sephiroth, to which Cloud retorts that he followed his orders as given to him by ShinRa and the Professor himself. His orders were to eliminate any rogue SOLDEIRs, and Sephiroth had gone rogue. Hojo takes offence to this, and as punishment he tries to experiment Cloud into oblivion for 4 years. Hojo leaves Cloud in a mako tank after the creations of the Sephiroth clones, and he reasons once Sephiroth returns there will be no more need for Cloud. Cloud escapes, equipping himself with his gear from his time as ShinRa’s SOLDIER killer but opts to wear Zack’s outfit that was kept in the lab’s storage after his death. Cloud makes his way to midgar where he joins up with AVALANCHE, and from there the story follows along an altered version of the cannon events. As a side note, I’m not entirely sure how this one would work out with the time line and character ages, so this one may require some fudging of the characters ages to make sense? Idk, I really don’t understand the timeline of FF7. I think that using Cloud’s canon age would make him 14 maybe 15 when he takes down Genesis and Angeal. Considering that Hojo sent Sephiroth to Wutai at around the same age, it could work. 

3) Zack is the time traveler. In the original timeline, Zack doesn’t manage to escape the labs and ends up dying before Cloud gets to see. Zack ends up following Cloud around as a ghost and is powerless to do anything as Cloud struggles through his time as ShinRa’s SOLDIER killer, and then dealing with the events of meteor fall, geostigma, etc. the Planet ultimately cant recover, so it Sends Zack back in time to prevent the disasters from ever happening. Zack is sent back to early on in his time with Cloud in the Labs. Zack makes a point of reiterating how dangerous Sephiroth is to Cloud, and this time succeeds in escaping the labs with Cloud by enlisting Vincent’s help (Zack learned of Vincent through waiting over Cloud as a ghost). While Zack was sent back in time to save the planet, He acknowledges to himself that his real motivation behind doing this isn’t to be a hero, he just wants to take care of his Cloudy. Zack absolutely freaks out when he gets separated from Cloud. He’s on a warpath to get his adoptive son back. When Zack catches up to the three Firsts Cloud’s probably going to have to talk Zack down from outright eviscerating them for daring to touch Cloud. 

#this thing is over 2700 words long oh god #aimeelouart #saving subject c #ssc #long post