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illyrian-dreamer · 1 year

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Our girl – Part 1

Azriel x Cassian x Reader angst

Summary: Deeming you unfit for a mission, the Inner Circle have betrayed your trust and shattered your life’s mission to avenge you sister. And the two males you love most were at the centre of it all.

Word count: 5k

Super angsty IC dynamics, little bit of violence/blood. Injured reader.

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“It was my right!!” Your voice was shrill, breaking from the volume – but you couldn't care less.

“I understand that Y/N, but I have a duty to my court. And to you, to keep you safe.” Your Highlord was unmoved, professional and stoic, your anger washing over him like water against stone.

The thud of your heart was in your ears, the tips of them hot, and you were sure the rest of your family could hear it too. You tried to breath, to think, to let yourself see the logic in Rhys’s decision to let Azriel make the kill over you.

But it was all bullshit.

“He was mine to kill,” you seethed, your voice unrecognisable, an almost growl from the deep part of your throat that strained at you not to cry.

“Try to understand–”

“No!” you spat, marching up to the High Lord, your finger pointed at your chest. The rest of your family stiffened as you approached, untrusting of what you would do next. You could see Azriel’s shadows run down his frame, even though the male hadn't moved from his formal stance by the door. He kept his hands clasped behind his back, still unable to look you in the eye since the moment you had barged into the room. Feyre was biting the nail on her thumb, her face pained and distressed as she watched you march up to her mate. But it was Cassian who showed the least amount of trust, taking a step closer, ready to jump in if - or rather when he had to.

“She was my sister Rhysand, MY SISTER! Not yours, not anyone else's here. He took her in innocence, and his death was mine to mark.”

Rhysand’s brow clenched. “It had to be this way,” he offered softly.

You scoffed, running shaky hands through your hair as you paced backwards. “You expect me to believe that?” Sarcasm oozed from you as easily as the aggression. “I’ve only ever asked you for one thing Rhysand, one thing! Meryl’s murder was unjust, and you promised to train me to avenge her! You promised I would be the one to kill that male!”

Rhysand took a deep breath, his violet eyes pained, but his head remained high. “I’m sorry Y/N. It’s as I said, you’re not ready to execute a mission this big, and Alvar had intel on our court that we could not risk exposing.”

“I have worked my ass off for years for you Rhys. I have trained in hail, rain and shine, I’ve completed mission after mission with no complaint. I have fought for you, lied and stolen and killed for you. I have given my life to avenging Meryl, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m not ready?”

“I know it’s hard to hear. There’s no changing that you didn't have clearance.”

“From who?”

“Cassian and Azriel.”

And that was the last thing you heard before your heart broke in two.

The males you trusted most in this world, the two that had broken your walls, taught you to trust again, trained you and nurtured you, the very beings you loved most in this world,– had not only known of the task, but had been the ones to stop you from fulfilling your life’s mission?

They knew the depths of your reasoning for joining the Inner Circle, for training as a Velarian spy. They had known your one true desire to find Alvar Ashwood – Hybern’s lead assassin – and make him pay for the innocent life that he took.

You looked between the two of them now, your mouth agape as you tried to find the words, or even a sound that could come close enough to the anguish you felt. But no sound found you, even your shaking had stopped. Rhys was saying something, but his words were a world away, muffled and muted as heart-wrenching shock consumed you.

Cassian looked back at you with broken, pleading eyes. Azriel's head hung low in shame.

You would never forgive them for this.

“I-I.” You stopped yourself, gulping. You had nothing left to say. Nodding slowly, silent tears of realisation rolled down your cheeks. One thing was clear – there was no one left that you could trust.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt Y/N, truly. Please, take some time to rest, to process. We’ll discuss this further when you’re ready, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Rhys’s stance had softened at your tears, his palms open as he dared to try and slip through your mental shields to sooth you.

Gritting your teeth, you slammed your walls up as high as possible, shutting him out and throwing him from the outskirts of your mind. You whipped your head back to your High Lord, a snarl ready at your lips as you took another stride towards him.

Cassian jumped into action then, stopping you with two large hands on either of your shoulders, his back to his Rhys as he blocked your path.

“Hey, hey, how about we go talk about this outside, ok?”

“Get off me,” you spat, shaking off his hold as you tried to eye Rhys over his shoulder.

Feyre had joined her mate now, their arms linked as they stared at you with pure shock. Neither of them had anticipated just how deeply this decision would cut.

Giving up against Cassian’s hold, you looked between both of them, their figures becoming a blur as tears welled in your eyes. “How could you do this to me?” you broke, your face crumpling. “I trusted you, all of you!”

Cassian pulled you close to his chest as he walked you from the room. “Shh, its alright, c’mon, come with me.”

You had nothing left to give. No energy, no fight, certainly nothing that could resist Cassian’s strength as he dragged you from that room, weeping.

You weren't even sure how you made it to the gardens, but the bite cold of the night shocked you enough to push the General off of you.

Bending at your waist, you held yourself up by your knees, your breath shaky and uneven as you struggled to breath in between sobs. Bile rose in your mouth, and you were unsure if you were going to be sick.

“Shh, its alright Y/N. Just breath.” Cassian’s large hand framed and soothed your back.You wanted so badly to give in to him, to throw yourself at his chest and let him hold you while you cried. But no – he had betrayed you, just like the rest.

“D-don’t touch me,” you managed to gasp.

“Alright sweetheart, alright.”

“And don't call me that!” Having regained a steady breath, you straightened to look at him, disgust seeping from your expression as your eyes darted between his. “You knew?”

Cassian sighed, closing his eyes and dropping his head slightly. “Yeah, I knew.”

“How could you not tell me?”

Another sigh from the General. “We knew you’d go after him if you found out.”

You blinked back at Cassian, biting your lip as you shook your head in disbelief.

“I know it might not make sense right now doll, but we did it for your own good.”

You shook your head faster, your frown deepening as you stepped further away from your once friend. “No, no no Cassian! No! There is no excuse!”

“I’m sorry you’re hurting Y/N, really, I am. I know what it feels like to lose someone you love, to need to avenge them.”

Your eyes narrowed. “That’s right Cass, you do. So where was our family to lie and deceive you all those months you spent slashing and killing to avenge your mother?”

Cassian’s eye softened as he took a deep breath. “You know that is the deepest regret of my life.”

“At least the decision was yours,” you spat, turning your heel for the gates at the back of the gardens.

Cassian was on your tail. “Please, Y/N. We did it out of care for your safety, try to understand.” You kept a stubborn chin forward, picking up your pace as you sought any kind of exit from this Gods-forsaken home that had once been your haven.

You had finally reached the gates, magic willing them to open on their own accord. You steered straight ahead – to the thick of the woods that bordered the house

“Where are you going?” Cassian asked.

You didn't answer the General. Before you, your destination lay clear.

“Y/N. The woods are dangerous.”

You scoffed, your pace and direction unchanged. A strong hand caught your wrist.

“Get off me Cassian,” you snarled.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I can't let you.”

“I said get off!”

Cassian snatched his hand back, a sharp breath drawn as he winced in pain. Your power – that unpredictable, uncontrollable current of energy now swarmed your skin like an electric coating. It was moments like this that your gift found you, unpredictable and dangerous, much like yourself. Surely part of the reason your family had decided you weren't good enough to find and kill Alvar on your own.

You had no room in your heart to care if you hurt Cassian. This was your window to flee, so you did, escaping him and heading to the depths of the woods.

————

The woods were crisp and dark, the usual brilliant array of stars hidden by tree tops. But you didn't care, your own discomfort numbed from the sheer rage that fuelled your every step.

Your breath was a smoky puff against the cold, twigs and branches crunching underneath the stomp of your boots while circular thoughts reeled in your mind, over and over again.

Rhysand had ordered Azriel to kill Alvar. Cassian and Azriel didn’t give you clearance and kept the mission a secret. Alvar was dead. You would never avenge your sister.

It was done. It was over. The last tether to your sister, buried forever. Everything you had worked for, the one motivation that kept you from falling apart at her death, that got you out of bed on those days when grief was an excruciating ache on your stomach – gone in an instant. And the people you loved the most were to blame.

Deep within your turmoil of thoughts, the shadows that slinked over your footprints went unnoticed, and the figure that flew overhead amiss.

The sound of a bubbling brook pricked your fae ears. You decided to follow it – perhaps a sip of cold water, or running your hands through a stream might calm the energy that still zapped at your skin.

Sure enough, not a short walk away was the brook. The water trickled down into a large pool, the tree tops cleared as moonlight danced in the reflection of the water. Under any other circumstance, you would have found this setting to be beautiful.

You bought shaking hands to cup at the stream, wincing as the cold stung at your power. But the liquid was quick to sooth you, and your spark began to fizzle as you bought your hand to your mouth, drinking intently.

After a few more sips, you sat back at the bank of the pool, closing your eyes as heavy breaths pushed through the ache in your chest. The sound of a small splash of water had you opening your eyes, and you jumped as unfeeling, black ones stared back at you from the centre of the pool.

A sickly pale face watched you unblinking, its figure still beneath the water from the nose down. Adrenaline was quick to fuel you to get the hell out of there, but you also knew better.

This was a kelpie. And it was too late to run.

The kelpie moved silently beneath the water, wading its way towards you. You took the few moments you had to scramble to your feet, patting yourself for anything to defend yourself with. Fuck – you hadn't a weapon on you.

Reaching the edge of the bank now, it stood on its long limbs, water trickling off its sickly figure, its own long black hair blending with the reeds that clung to its frame.

“Are you a royal?” it grinned, its pointed teeth yellow and rotted.

You forced a steady voice, calling on your power you so often stifled. “No,” was all you said, staring the creature down.

The kelpie ran an insidious tongue along its teeth, churning a nauseous feeling in your stomach. “Then why do you smell of it?”

You blinked – you hadn't realised you carried the scent of your family with you too. Perhaps a kelpie’s scent was more heightened?

“They are my family. Unrelated.” you explained, buying yourself more time for your power to gather. “They’ll fetch for me soon,” you lied.

The kelpie hissed and grinned at once, walking closer towards you. You took a few steps back, keeping your distance.

“You smell…,” the kelpie paused, its awful nostrils flaring against its face. “Delicious.”

“You best leave. They’ll kill you if you harm me,” you replied quickly, cursing yourself for the fear that you knew now tinged your scent. The kelpie caught it too, its grin growing wider.

“But I’m starrrrved,” it drawled, lowering its look to you. “I’m afraid I cannot contain myself, even if I tried.” A sickly chuckle racked through its chest.

You gulped, sizing up the creature in front of you. Ordinarily, you knew you could take down someone of his size. But you were without your weapons, and your power was unreliable at the best of times. If it took you in the water, you were sure as dead. Begging to the Gods, you clenched your fists, willing your power to find you in any shape or form.

“Any last words, non-royal?” it cackled, readying itself to attack.

You didn't have a chance to respond as shadows flooded around you, blue siphons glowing among them. The kelpie yelped and howled, and as the darkness cleared you saw its pale figure pinned to the ground.

“Are you alright?” Azriel was before you, his hands gripped at both your arms. Your eyes were wide with shock as you took him in. He had followed you?

The kelpie was deceivingly strong, and fought against his shadows, freeing itself quickly. It screeched as it lunged for you both, a darkened claw swinging for Azriel’s back. You shoved the Shadowsinger aside, the kelpie’s claws slashing across your arm as you yelped in pain. Blood began to pour from your new wound, and the kelpie hissed too, having being struck by your power on contact.

Azriel was on the kelpie in an instant, a blur shadows and muscle before you spotted the glint of truth teller. The next thing you heard was the kelpie’s final howl.

Its mouth agape, the kelpie bled black blood, crawling back to the depths of the pool, choosing to die in its element. Neither you or Azriel stopped it.

Azriel was panting, his breathing loud as the final sign of life from the kelpie bubbled to the surface of the water. You stayed still with shock.

Hazel eyes were before you now, scanning you over.

“Your arm,” Azriel said, touching you gingerly.

“I’m fine,” you said with a distant voice, your mind still with the hideous creature that attacked you. Your forearm was warm with your own blood as it gathered at your fingertips before dripping to the ground.

“Let’s get you to a healer.”

It was that instruction, that order, that snapped you out of your trance. You had heeded and trusted that voice for far too long. And in the end, it had betrayed you.

You snatched your arm away from Azriel, scowling as you met his eyes. “Do not tell me what to do.”

Azriel levelled a look at you. “This is not a regular wound, Y/N. You know a kelpie’s claw is laced with poison.”

You gritted your teeth, ignoring the burning sensation quickly spreading across your body, or the reel in your vision. How convenient that you so desperately needed his help.

“I’ll see to it myself,” you snapped, glaring deep into the Shadowsinger’s eyes. A muscle feathered in his jaw, Azriel’s tell-sign of irritation. He was far less patient than his brothers.

You made to step around him, before a strong arm circled your waist, pulling you back. Too weak to fight him off, a scarred hand covered your mouth to mute your yell of protest. Instead a quick rush of air filled your lungs as the forest folded around you, quickly revealing an infirmary wing.

Shoving yourself from Azriel’s hold the moment you landed, you stumbled forward, finding balance by clinging to the edge of an empty cot. A set of healers rushed to you, grabbing your arms and holding you up.

“A kelpie’s claw,” Azriel said before either of them could ask the question, one of the healer’s dashing for the antidote. “Where is Madja?”

“She does not work nights,” the healer’s voice was loud in your ear as you clung to her, barely able to stand. A small groan escaped you, the fire from the kelpie’s poison burning through your veins, your mobility slowing with every second.

“Fetch for her, please,” Azriel instructed, taking your limp body from the healer and placing you in the cot. A vial was bought to your lips then, the contents inside giving off a putrid smell. You jerked your head stubbornly, but the vial was tipped further against your mouth.

“Drink,” Azriel ordered, his cold hand lacing through your hair and pushing at the back of your head. You had no chose, swallowing the liquid while you still could. The fire in your veins began to dull, and you breathed, thankful for the quick relief.

“Good,” the Shadowsinger said approvingly. You hated that affirmation, but were too weak to show it.

The healers dotted around you, placing cold rags on your face and stitching your wound. Azriel watched, his arms folded and face etched with concern. Uncontrollable shakes racked through your body, your muscles jerking with pain and exhaustion.

Falling in and out of consciousness, you were too dazed to note Madja’s arrival, and with her, Cassian.

“What happened?” Cassian asked his brother, his eyes panicked.

“A kelpie,” Azriel said tightly.

Cassian clenched his eyes shut, punching the bridge of her nose. “She got away from me. I didn't want to chase her, she was already distraught.”

“I was tracking her too. I should have intervened sooner,” Azriel responded, his eyes not leaving you as a deeper frown settled on his face.

After a quick check of your vitals and words with her healers, Madja approached the two.“The antidote is working. She’ll recover soon.”

“She still looks sickly?” Cassian questioned, looking past the healer at your sagged and sweaty body.

“That is what I wanted to talk to you both about. Y/N is carrying symptoms of something else I can't place. Do either of you know if she was involved in a foreign mission lately, perhaps something of high risk or stress?”

The brothers shared a look before Azriel responded. “Not exactly Madja, but she… received some bad news today.”

“She was very upset,” Cassian added.

Madja nodded slowly, tutting softly. “Whatever has happened, it’s manifesting physically. She’s weaker than usual, and will need to rest for a few days. I suggest keeping her here, where we can tend to her.”

“Perhaps we can bring her home Madja. Would you see to her there?” Azriel asked, his arms crossing tighter. Illyrian’s being preternaturally possessive, he preferred you at home where he could keep a closer eye on you, help even.

“The choice is Y/N’s really. Let me do what I can while she rests, I’ll call for you when she wakes.” The brother’s nodded, making to leave the wing.

“Madja,” Cassian half turned, grabbing the healer by her arm. “Please, just, tell her we’re sorry.”

With a small frown, Madja reluctantly agreed.

————

When you awoke, you expected it to be light. Instead, the infirmary was dim, the soft glow of fae light warming the medical wing around you.

Memories from the night before returned, your stomach churning at the thought. The kelpie, hurting Cassian, the fight with your family. Your heart clenched as you were reminded – they had betrayed you, and you could no longer trust them.

Groaning as you turned to your side, you felt around for anything to catch the bile rising in your throat. You luckily landed on a pan, what little remained in your stomach hurled up as your gut clenched and heaved.

Madja entered at the sound, rubbing soothing pats on your back and taking the pan away when you had finished.

You fell back onto the pillows, your body clammy and weak. “What’s wrong with me?” you asked her as she checked your breathing.

“You were struck by a kelpie. Although your wounds are healing well.”

You looked at the ceiling, nodding as you recalled the horrific event. It was hard enough to almost die at the hands of a creature like that, but your heart ached at the thought that Azriel had saved you, yet you never wanted to see his face again.

“It would seem there is something else that plagues your mind, child.”

You looked at Madja now, blinking away the tears that were quickly building.

“Your family mentioned some kind of distressing news?”

Closing your lids, a silent tear rolled from each of your eyes. You merely nodded, your hands quickly brushing away the evidence.

“Its none of my business, but the General was eager that I relay their apologies.”

You froze, flashing a broken look at the healer you had known for many years. How many wounds and ailments of yours had she patched and cured in your career? But emotional wounds – this was new territory for the both of you.

As if finally in safe hands, your face crumpled, your anger and anguish overwhelming as you began to sob. Madja was ordinarily tough – she had no time for foolery and was unsympathetic for injuries of your own fault. But she comforted you now, hushing you and patting your back in a motherly way.

“What do you do when you no longer trust the people you love, Madja?” you asked through shallow cries.

She gave a small, tight smile, squeezing your hands that she now held in hers. “You spend eternity learning to forgive them.”

You bit the quiver in your lip. “I’m not sure I can,” you admitted.

She sighed softly, nodding with understanding. “You have the rest of your existence if you choose to try.”

Madja’s wisdom comforted you, your eyelids turning heavy and you fell to another bout of sleep.

————

Azriel, Cassian and Mor were eating breakfast at the House of Wind, none of them speaking as the weight of last nights events hung heavy.

With a sigh, Mor looked between the males. “She’s going to forgive you eventually, you know that right?”

Cassian gave her a sorry smile, while Azriel kept his eyes on his eggs. He gripped his fork tighter, his jaw clenched. “You didn't see the way she looked at us.”

“She just needs time,” Mor said. “This was her life’s mission after all.”

Azriel’s head snapped up, an icy cold glare fixed upon his face, a blanket over the sheer guilt he felt at Mor’s statement. “You don’t think I know that?”

Mor blinked at the Shadowsinger in shock – it was so unlike him to lose his cool.

“Easy Az, don't snap at Mor for things out of her control,” Cassian frowned at his brother, before shovelling another mouthful of oatmeal.

Azriel let out a sharp breath, clenching his eyes shut, ignoring the sting from the lack of sleep. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, still unable to unlock his tight jaw. Mor waved him off, assuring him it was no big deal.

A gust of foreign wind blew as Rhys and Feyre winnowed into the dining room. The High Lord disregarding pleasantries, his hand clutching a letter, its broken seal the unmistakable symbol of the infirmary.

“I have received news on Y/N.” The High Lord’s tone was to the point, cold even, like he was only interested in discussing the facts.

“Is she alright?” Cassian asked urgently. Azriel’s grip tightened on his knife and fork as he held his breath.

“Madja says her recovery is slow, but she is making progress. One or two more nights at the infirmary and she should be strong enough to be discharged.”

“I asked Madja about attending to her here. Has she written about that?” Azriel asked.

Rhys’s lips tightened before he loosed a deep breath. Feyre, her face pained, jumped in. “Madja has also written that at this point in time, Y/N does not wish to return to home.”

The others fell silent.

“What does that mean?” Azriel gritted.

Tears welled in their High Lady’s eyes, and Rhys slipped his hand over his mates.

“She no longer wishes to live here,” he said, his violet eyes saddened and dim.

Mor gasped, and Cassian shook his head. “Where will she go?” The General stood, his chair scraping as he pushed it out behind him.

“It’s unclear at this stage. Madja has asked that we respect her privacy while she heals. I’m hoping we can talk to her when she’s feeling better. Perhaps even convince her to stay.”

“She won't come back.” The rest of the group turned to the Shadowsinger, his gaze darkened and his shadows building to his neck. “I could sense her rage, the hate she held in her eyes. To her, what we did is unredeemable.”

“Don’t say that Az,” Feyre begged, a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

Azriel’s pounded the table with his fist, his knife now stuck upright in the mahogany wood. “Would you prefer I lied? She’s worked her whole life to avenge Meryl, and we shattered that dream. I wouldn't forgive us either.”

“Surely there is something we can do,” Cassian looked between his brother’s, eyes desperate, almost pleading.

But Azriel kept his cold glare on the couple before him. “You asked me to find Alvar first. So I did. And now we’ve lost our girl.”

Rhys’s power coursed through the room as he bought his mate closer to his side. “Watch it, Azriel,” he warned. “Alvar had intel on our wards, our home would be forever exposed if he got away. I tried my best to give Y/N the opportunity. Let’s not forget the decision you and Cass made to keep her grounded.”

“She was going to get herself killed,” Cassian muttered, not defensively, but as pure fact. “The desire to kill him – it makes her power unpredictable. She would have hurt herself, or died trying.”

“We all did what we had to do,” Feyre said softly, bringing sense back above the tension of the room. Pained, guilty expressions reflected hers.

Azriel stood now too, making his way around the table and heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” Rhys asked.

“To go get Y/N.”

“She’s asked we give her some space Az,” Feyre reasoned. “We have no right to go barging in while she’s trying to recover.”

“I don't care. She’s angry, but that doesn't mean she knows what’s best. She’ll heal better here, with people that care about her. I’ll go–”

“Sit down,” Rhys interrupted the Shadowsinger, the air thickening with his power as he pulled rank.

Azriel’s shoulder’s tightened at Rhys’s order, halting his steps yet refusing to take his seat. “She belongs here, with us,” he gritted.

“We can't force her to do anything Azriel,” Mor whispered, her eyes soft as cast a sympathetic look at her friend.

There was silence in the room again, none of them knowing what to say next.

“This is my fault,” Cassian swallowed, his gaze distant in a deep frown.

“No one is to blame,” Rhys said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The situation is unfortunate, but I’m certain it will get better in time.” He breathed deeply, offering a broken smile to his mate before casting a stern look at the others. “We’ll keep you updated if we hear anything further.”

With a few quiet goodbyes, the High Lord and Lady winnowed back to their River Home.

“We–“ Cassian began.

“Don’t Cass,” Mor interrupted knowingly. “You need to leave bad enough alone.” She stood then, leaving the males to their breakfast.

Cassian cast a look to his brother, who was already looking at him. “Are we leaving now?”

“Not with all eyes on us. Wait until dark. Then we’ll go get our girl.”

“Deal.”

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Part 2 >>>>

AN: Ok, here’s that angsty piece I was telling you about....

I HAVE MISSED YOU GUYS!!!

Also I’ve been slack with my tag lists, very sorry! If you’d like to join a generic acotar one, drop a comment.

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rphelperblog · 2 years

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The Young Elites Book Series RP Meme

trilogy by Marie Lu- feel free to edit or change pronouns

“I am tired of being used, hurt, and cast aside. It is my turn to use. My turn to hurt.”

“Always ready for you, my love.”

“Every bone in my body yearns to keep this boy safe, always.”

“There was once a time when darkness shrouded the world, and the darkness had a queen.”

“He wanted to live in a house built on delusion, would rather believe in a million lies than face one truth.”

“What is so great about being good?”

Why so surprised that you are worthy?”

“It is better to have an enemy who will fight you in an open field then a lover who will kill you in your sleep.”

“I am still alone, broken and small, the butterfly fighting for life in the grass.”

“Do not take advantage of my generosity, and I will not take advantage of your weakness.”

“The fire in you burns as fiercely as it did when I first met you.”

“Tomorrow, I will take on all of these things. I will be unstoppable.”

“Everyone has darkness inside them, however hidden.”

“Be true to yourself. But that's something everyone says and no one means. No one wants you to be yourself. They want you to be the version of yourself that they like.”

“Some of us are broken and there’s nothing you can do to fix it.”

“The king is dead. Long live the queen.”

“Pain enhances beauty.”

“What is the point of searching for love, when love is nothing but an illusion?”

“Fear is power,”

“They were the flash of light in a stormy sky, the fleeting darkness before dawn. Never have they existed before, nor shall they ever exist again.”

“Fear motivates, more than love or ambition or joy. Fear is more powerful than anything else in the world. I have spent so long yearning for things—for love, for acceptance—that I do not really need. I need nothing except the submission that comes with fear. I do not know why it took me so long to learn this.”

“Why feel guilty for something that isn't your fault? Because I loved him. And now he is gone.”

“Why so surprised, White Wolf?”

“There is a darkness in you, something that gives you immense strength.”

“Don't cry. You are stronger than that.”

“We are sisters. Despite all we’ve been through, all that we have held against each other, we are sisters until death comes for us.”

“Embellish your flaws. They will turn into your assets.”

“Sorry, always sorry. What in the world can you buy with an apology?”

“No. I'm not broken easily. I will never break.”

“No one wants you to be yourself. They want you to be the version of yourself that they like.”

“But true rulers are not born. We are made.”

“We are drawn to stories, and every scar carries one.”

“Fear creates the strongest illusions.”

“The irony of life is that those who wear masks often tell us more truths than those with open faces.”

“So. Tell me, little wolf. Do you want to punish those who have wronged you?”

“Something blackens your heart, something deep and bitter. It has festered inside you for years, nurtured and encouraged. I’ve never felt anything like it.”

“I always thought of her as the sweet, naïve one. But perhaps she wore her sweetness and naïvety as a shield. Perhaps she always knew exactly what she was doing.”

“We are sisters. Despite all we’ve been through, all that we have held against each other, we are sisters until death comes for us.”

“The gods gave us powers, because we are born to rule.”

“You have goodness in your heart, but your darkness overwhelms it all; your desire to hurt, destroy, and avenge is more powerful than your desire to love, help, and light the way.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh before. It’s a soothing sound, both tender and unsure, reminiscent of someone who used to laugh more.”

“Once upon a time, a prince fell madly in love with a demon from the Underworld. When she disappeared back into the sea, he ached so much for her that he walked into the ocean and never returned. “

I belong to no one. On this night, I swear to you that I will rise above everything you’ve ever taught me. I will become a force that this world has never known. I will come into such power that none will dare hurt me again.”

you are smarter than the others, because you know there is something wrong with you. It tears at your conscience, doesn’t it? You have hatred for yourself, and I admire that.”

“So many poor and desperate, come to see me suffer in order to distract themselves from their own hungry lives.”

“Passion is bright and warm... But passion has a dark side too. It links with fear. Our hearts fill with terror at the thought of harm coming to our loved ones, don't they?”

“But the surest way to slow your own progress is to rush yourself into situation you're not ready for.”

“Sometimes, the only way to set things right is to do what is difficult.”

I'm desperate to pull away. I ache for more. I tremble uncontrollably, caught in the middle.”

“How many times have you been called an abomination? A monster? Worthless?”

“After a lifetime of darkness, I want to leave something behind that is made of light.”

“Someday, when I am nothing but dust and wind, what tale will they tell about me?”

“None of us are saints. We can all do better.”

“You are a light, and when you shine, you shine bright.”

“None of us are saints. We can all do better.”

“He was the last thread suspending me in the light. Without him, I can feel myself spiraling downward, falling to a place where I can no longer pull myself back up.”

“He enters with a sweep of dark robes, bringing with him the scent of wind, night, and death.”

“Why did you ask my opinion then, if you've already made up your mind?”

“The darkness seeps in a little more every day. What have I done? How can I be like this?”

“Embelish your flaws. They will turn into your assets. And if you become one of us, I will teach you to wield them like an assassin wields a knife.”

I picture myself leaning over him, looking on patiently, with my chin resting in my hands, admiring his dying, writhing body as I count out the minutes.”

“Sometimes, all it takes to see the right path is a flash of brilliant insight from someone else.”

You align with joy, and I with fear and fury. If you could see into my thoughts, you would surely turn away. So why would you stay with me, and resume our lives?”

“Once upon a time, a girl had a father, a prince, a society of friends. Then they betrayed her, so she destroyed them all.”

“On this night, I swear to you that I will rise above everything you’ve ever taught me. I will become a force that this world has never known. I will come into such power that none will dare hurt me again.”

“The world is made of countless threads that connect all things. These threads give the world both its color and its life.”

“No. I'm not broken easily. I will never break”

“Already, I'm starting to forget the face of the man I killed.”

I hate you all. I imagine my hands at their throats, choking, silencing them, one by one.”

“I'm suddenly angry. Why must I lose everything that I care for? Why is love such a weakness? I wish, for an instant, that I didn't need such a thing.”

“I will keep you, until the day I choose not to. You have destroyed and harmed all that is dear to me. In return, I want you to know what that feels like. I will not kill you. I will keep you alive. I will torture you."

“In this moment, I am a god.”

“I know who you really are. Who will ever want you?"

Then maybe you should know which weapons are real,”

I will destroy everything in order to make it stop. I will destroy all of you. I grit my teeth as my fury swirls around me, seething and relentless, yearning to burst free.

“They think they can keep me out, but it does not matter how many locks they hang at the entrance. There is always another door.”

“A newborn babe takes its first breath / and creates a storm that rains down death’?”

“You cannot harden your heart to the future just because of your past. You cannot use cruelty against yourself to justify cruelty to others.”

“What if you are wrong? What if the gods sent you, and indeed the rest of us, not because we were never meant to be, but because we were always meant to be?”

“In my fury, I killed him.”

however small, and it will affect something else on the other side of the world"

“And I'm not horrified. I look at it, indulging in the darkness around me, feeding me, strengthening me, and I realize that I'm happy I killed him. Truly happy.”

"But the surest way to slow your own progress is to rush yourself into situations you’re not yet ready for.”"

"When you’re pushed to extreme fear or anger, your body magnifies your energy tenfold, sometimes a hundredfold. It isn’t like this for everyone"

“His voice too, soft and deep, sophisticated, a layer of velvet hiding secrets.”

“The world’s deadliest mercenaries choose to serve you, the whispers say, because they have yet to meet me.”

“I looked into those eyes and I saw nothing. It was like staring straight into the Underworld. Like he aches to return to where he came from.”

“Why is love such a weakness? I wish, for an instant, that I didn't need such a thing. I can win the same things in life with fear, with power. What is the point in searching for love, when love is nothing but an illusion?”

“Then we have much in common.”

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navibluebees · 1 year

Text

Pieces of a Soul - Chapter 11

Ageless & empty blogs will be blocked. No minors!

Thank you to those who have followed this story. I love being able to share my heart through writing. I'm so grateful to you.

TW: Unsure how to label this, but if you have a hard time with parental confrontation, you may cry a little bit. Sorry about that. 😬

The dream ritual came sooner than Naomi was ready for. Nothing could have prepared her, though. Mìmuk and Keveya showed up to paint her for the ceremony. She sat down in front of them as they drew the lines over her torso, arms, and face. She squirmed a bit when they ran their fingers across ticklish spots. Keveya smiled quietly to himself, enjoying this moment together.

Mìmuk drew the last lines down across Naomi’s lips and pulled back. “You are ready,” she said.

Keveya pushed a free curl behind her ear. “You will face much. Your spirit will be in turmoil. You must fight. You are strong. You will come back to us,” he nodded, sure of it.

~~~

Naomi felt the sting of the arachnoid and swallowed the glow worm and began to hallucinate. She was 15. She was back on Earth. Her mother was berating her for something. She opened her mouth to defend herself.

“Don’t talk back!” her mother screeched. “I hate when you get sassy. I have to walk on eggshells with you every single day and for what? You’re so ungrateful. If you don’t like this life, you’re welcome to leave. I feed you, I clothe you, there’s a roof over your head. You have everything you could want. You don’t need anything else.”

Naomi slowly slipped from her present state, withdrawing into her mind. Her mother’s lack of nurturing and her father’s absence physically and mentally had always been a point of contention. “That’s just the way she is,” he’d say. But what about what Naomi needed? Young Naomi curled in on herself and stayed so small. A bright light swam across her vision and she made herself known. As she passed by the hallway mirror, she gasped as she saw her Na’vi self.

She turned to her younger self and smiled kindly. Sensing the harmony of their spirits, the younger Naomi relaxed as she came behind her chair and put a hand on her shoulder protectively. She towered over her parents and stared them down. A pang of sadness shot through her. She was aware that they thought they had done best, but they never seemed to remember that she had been a child and unable to be anything but what they had raised her to be.

The small body under her hand quivered with repressed emotion. She stood firm behind her, leaning over the table to look into her parents’ eyes. She would not be afraid. Not anymore. She was strong enough now. She pointed accusingly between them and opened her mouth to speak.

“You are done. Finished. You have no power over me anymore, over her. We have grown. We are strong. We have found a family who keeps us safe. A family that does not seek to harm us. That sees past their own pain and desires to grow with us, not smother us beneath their feet. They accept us as we are, not as they might wish us to be. You will never haunt us again.”

~~~

Naomi burst forward, a shriek leaving her lips. Mo’at lunged to grab at her arms. “Child, child. It is alright. You are safe. You.. you have made it through. You are one of the people. One of us,” she whispered with tears in her eyes.

Naomi wept, pressing her head to the ground, letting out scream that resounded from her very soul. She grieved for her past self she couldn’t protect and the worth she struggled to accept now. Hands came close and covered her, interlocking with more hands. They reached for her and pulled her into their embrace, soothing her trembling spirit and body. In another lifetime, this much touching would have overwhelmed her, but these were healing hands. Loving hands. Hands of acceptance. Arms of a family.

She rose unsteadily, supported by her loved ones. Jake stepped forward and drew her in, holding her tight. Their bond as humans who had become something different, to whom no one else could relate was something so precious that she would treasure it always.

Neytiri came up next. She cupped Naomi’s cheeks in her hands and pressed their foreheads together. “My sister…” Naomi softly laughed as tears streamed down her cheeks and nodded in response.

Mìmuk and Keveya had never left her side while others had congratulated her. Her paint was streaked down her face and over her body with sweat and tears but they couldn’t look away. She was exquisite. They held their arms out to her and she rushed forward into them where they all hugged each other. Peace. Home. This was her place now.

~~~

Neytiri, fully pregnant, sat with Naomi a few nights later.

“Neytiri, I really have no idea who to choose. Or if I even should with me still having a human body.”

Neytiri nodded, “It is a difficult choice. What do you like about each of them?”

Naomi thought carefully. “Keveya has always been gentle with me.. with the exception of the first time,” she said with a laugh. “He is strong. He is very handsome. He makes me feel heard. Like he yearns to peer into my soul and know my very being. Mìmuk is beautiful. She is bright and bold. She is protective. I can tell she is not fickle with her heart. And… I am afraid I will hurt them.”

Neytiri nodded sagely. “Choosing one’s life mate is a meaningful choice. It is not something to be taken lightly. You will know when the time comes.”

At that moment, Neytiri, bent over, crying out. Naomi gasped. “Jake! JAKE! Something is happening with Neytiri.”

Mo’at had been hovering nearby more recently, anticipating the birth. She hurried to her daughter, unable to keep the joyous smile off of her face. It was time. She brought her Neytiri nto her tent, and pulled out supplies she needed. Naomi ran to get water for her and came back quickly. Jake was sitting beside her, rubbing her shoulders. Neytiri was hissing and rattling off Na’vi quicker than Naomi could understand it. Jake’s gaze met hers with an overwhelmed grimace before his focus returned to trying to help his mate relax. Neytiri raged as she labored. She was strong and powerful, but in this where she lacked control, it was difficult for her.

Neteyam made his appearance early the next morning to everyone’s relief. He had a strong cry and powerful fists. Neytiri held him to her chest, sighing. Jake had smiled down at his little family and a tear slide down his cheek. Neytiri leaned against him. “Ma Jake, our son will be a warrior.”

He laughed through a sob and said, “Hell yeah, he will.”

~~~

It was such a joy to experience Neteyam’s introduction to the clan. He was the most beautiful baby Naomi had ever seen. She would take him when Jake and Neytiri went on date nights if Mo’at wasn’t available. When she came as her human self, she would wear him in a sling across her chest, in awe that he was as big as her torso. She would sit with him and coo and make faces and he would scrunch up his nose, giggle and usually spit up right after that.

Keveya was unsurprisingly very good at charming babies. Neteyam was entranced by his singing voice at night when he was being rocked to sleep. Naomi and Mìmuk would lean against each other and fall asleep as well before Jake came to pick up Neteyam. Many days, Naomi would wake up in Keveya’s tent, sandwiched between him and Mìmuk in her Avatar body. They would all be tangled together and she would snuggle closer, feeling safe with her chosen family.

~~~

They had been so patient with her and she knew she owed them an answer, but she just didn’t have one yet. Unrest plagued her soul as she walked along the stream where she had looked for shells with Keveya. An older woman was further down, carefully cleaning a set of pale white bones to be woven together for a top.

Naomi smiled slightly at her and was about to go past when the older woman said, “Child, unburden yourself. Your eyes are so tired.”

Naomi paused in her tracks and slowly sat down, watching the woman work. As the woman scrubbed, she said, “My name is Ateyin. I have seen you among us. You are a dream walker.”

Naomi nodded, a feeling of hesitancy creeping in.

“Oh dear, it is nothing to worry about. Our leader was one, too. Are you also wanting to become wholly yourself in this body?” She asked as she gestured to her Avatar. Naomi nodded enthusiastically.

“I love this life with the Omaticaya. I have never felt so at home. So at peace and connected to nature, but I am afraid. Once I become officially Na’vi, I may have to choose a mate.”

“Ah ah you don’t have to. You can go without. But what is so troubling about choosing? Do you not have anyone that you would choose?”

“Actually..” Naomi went on to explain her dilemma to the curious woman. She found that unburdening herself to someone who wasn’t involved was extremely helpful and provided some clarity.

“Naomi, child. Listen well. You have difficult choices before you. You may choose one or choose none and before you make up your mind, there is a story you need to hear. A third choice. Long ago in the time of the first songs, a hunter was in the same situation. He desired two people. They also desired him and each other. He decided he would have both. There was no precedent and they snuck away to the tree of voices one night, and the next morning, all three were mated together. It was the first time it had happened and has happened so very rarely since then. Maybe only twice. But it has happened. If you all choose each other, be sure. It can be tenuous with only two beings mated, let alone three.”

~~~

Naomi pondered the story from Ateyin and sat under the moon alone. She laid back in the grass and ran her fingers through it. The sounds of the forest surrounded her and she closed her eyes to experience it all. Her mind separated from her body, but did not go to her human self in the pod. It drifted higher and higher above the trees, rising to see far beyond the forest. She looked around, confused before she felt her spirit tugged to the tree of souls. She had seen this in footage before and stepped forward apprehensively. A wood sprite came to her hand and touched her lightly, then brought her to a nearby vine to connect to. Naomi breathed shakily. She had never done this before. She pulled her queue from over her shoulder and touched it lightly, the fibers twining together.

Pulled even further from her body, she was surrounded with a warm white light. It lit every dark corner of her soul, scattering her demons. The light banished every thought she had ever felt of worthlessness, inadequacy. Every single fear. My child, it said.

~~~

Sometime later, she woke up and made her way back to the Avatar barracks, dropping heavily on to her cot. She came to in her pod, raised the lid and stumbled out. Norm was nearby and he rushed forward to help her. He put his arms underneath hers and guided her to a chair. She sighed and her head flopped down. He reached out to gentle smooth her curls. “You were in there a while. You’ve been doing that most days. These things weren’t meant to hold up for use all day every single minute.”

Frowning, she said, “But Jake did it. Why can’t I??”

“Jake was going down a bad path. He wasn’t eating much, didn’t take care of himself and ALSO it was war time. You are not fighting any battles anytime soon. Plus, he was already bonded to his Na’vi form at this point. It’s been almost a year since you started using it. You have to be careful.”

Naomi groaned. She knew Norm wasn’t wrong, but it still annoyed her to hear. “Fine,” she grumbled. “I’ll take a break for a few days…”

~~~

The following days bored her almost to tears. Norm insisted on Naomi staying in and relaxing. She groused for a bit and then eventually gave up, exhaustion setting in. She was burrowed down under her blankets and pulled them tight around her. She was sleeping deeply when she felt herself being lifted and startled awake. Mìmuk had picked her up and sat down on the bed, pulling her into her lap and rocking her gently.

“Oh, hey.” Naomi smiled and reached a hand up to place against Mìmuk’s face.

She laughed and said, “Little one, it looks like you are being swallowed by these blankets.”

A low chuckled came from the door. Naomi’s head turned and saw Keveya come to sit next to Mìmuk’s feet and raise a hand up to smooth Naomi’s hair. He smiled softly at her and nodded at Mìmuk. “We were worried about you and wanted to come see how you were doing.”

Naomi’s bottom lip popped out and she pulled them both in for an awkward hug, sandwiched between them. “I missed you guys so much. I’m sorry for not sending a message or anything.”

“It is alright,” he said. “We know you just wanted to see our beautiful faces.”

“Ah!” Naomi gasped. “Your sarcasm is getting better.”

He nodded eagerly. “Yes, I enjoy teasing you in any language.”

A silence settled upon them for a moment. Naomi pulled her arm back in, fidgeting with her bracelet. Mìmuk noted the movement, worried. Naomi finally breathed hard. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine life without either of you… The other night I ran into the storyteller, Ateyin. She was a very, um, interesting person to meet. I think Eywa made sure we would meet. She told me a story of how some mates can be together as three instead of two.. as something called a trinity.”

Keveya recoiled slightly and his gaze to Mìmuk. She looked conflicted. Her eyes raised to his and they analyzed each other in a new light as Naomi talked. They both loved her so much and wondered to themselves if it would be possible to share her with another for the rest of their lives.

Keveya reached for Naomi’s hand and gently folded it in his. “Naomi, are you asking us to both be your mates?”

“I- Well.. When she mentioned it, it felt right. Like my soul could be at peace in a world where I could have both of you. But, I know that it may be selfish and I understand if neither of you want to do it. I will always care for you and want you both to see that your happiness is so important to me and I will do what I can to take care of your hearts, whatever form that takes for us.”

~~~

Mìmuk and Keveya walked silently back to the camp. She felt antsy, like she was about to crawl out of her skin. Her hands shook and she put them together, wringing them. A gentle hand came to rest on top of hers.

“If you are not ready to go back to your family tent, will you walk with me? I could use the company.”

She nodded and they went to the woods so they might walk beside the stream. They found a quiet place to sit together and he nudged her with his shoulder once they sat. He allowed her a moment of peace before speaking quietly. “Naomi has presented us with a choice. I had heard whispers of a trinity, but it has not occurred for a long, long time. In my mind, I picture it as having separate tents and sending her off to be with you every other night. I have to say I am not partial to this. We have grown up together, always been paired together or pitted against each other. I would not wish to see our rivalry destroy such a precious thing: what lies between us and Naomi.”

She scoffed and nodded. “What you say is true and I feel the same. But I cannot imagine life without her light. Since she came, everything feels so right. I cannot imagine making the bond with someone aside from her."

***

Taglist:

@ikranwings @sweetirilly

#navi oc #avatar james cameron #james cameron avatar #Jake sully #neytiri #avatar fanfiction

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i-love-you-all · 10 months

Note

For the shuffle music ask: Breach x Sage (or alternatively solo sage)?

Thank you for the ask! I did Breach/Sage for this one, and I think I'll do Sage solo afterwards bc she does not get a large spotlight in this one as it's mostly from Breach's POV. It's a Nurse!Sage and Criminal! Breach. My choice to make Sage a nurse instead of a doc was because of how I see her. She's more hands on, nurturing, aka more likely to be at the patient's bedside instead of coming in to check every few hours and being the one to diagnose/order tests. Viper would be a doctor in this tho!

The song I got for this one is Mika's Dr. John. The full outline is below the cut. Bold parts are the actual lyrics, everything else is me :))

These are fun, so if anyone else also wants to send in an ask, please do! (Link here to the original post I made)

I look for joy in a strange place; From the back of the bar, from afar

Scene starts in a busy bar that belongs to Breach, or rather, his family, on a friday evening. Breach, still healing from wounds is seated somewhere shady and secluded to finish up “business”. Sage comes in with a couple friends.

Breach notices right away bc her style is so different from others. Wraps up his part as soon as he can and walks over.

“Strange, I walk into your place of business yesterday, and now you come into mine. Almost like fate or destiny huh?”

Sage is ready to leave the bar, remembering that she doesn’t like this guy

Viper gets along well with Breach, he handles her bluntness well, and he’s not put off by anything she says.

But how kind he is to her friends, and by extension Sage, maybe gives her doubts? After all, no one’s an angel when they’re in pain.

He leaves her alone, and for a bit, she forgets about him until they’re about to leave when he maybe sends them home w extra food or helps them call a taxi.

I see the look on my mama's face. When her son's in the corner, undone. She says that my life is over: "Boy, you don't know what you got till it's gone. Come put your head upon my shoulder” She gave me her hand, but I ignored her.

Breach has to reconcile with the idea that his business is not safe and so there’s no point in thinking about the nurse, and that he’s heard the stories and seen firsthand what people will do to hurt someone. Their aim often strays in their attempt to ruin their target.

His mother comes by his apartment to make sure he’s eating well and that he’s not taking the pressure from his father too hard.

She shows him a picture that one of his partners (Raze) took of him and Sage and sent it to his mom.

She asks him about his happiness and if this is what he actually wants to spend the rest of his life doing.

“Haven’t you ever thought about resting? Picking up from your fears and making something nice out of them?”

His answer is no, and when she asks if he wants help, again he refuses.

Oh, Dr. John, What am I doing, what am I doing wrong? 'Cause I keep on trying. Something ain't going, something ain't going on, Dr. John

A scene where Breach is rambling to Raze about his fears about what’ll happen to them if he can’t find a way out of this target on his back. She has complete faith in him and what he can achieve. Almost to a foolish amount, she truly believes that they’ll make it out of this war alive and well.

“Can we stop talking about this? It’s pulling down my mood, man.” (Raze) “What will you do after?”

Breach has no answer because he has no plans. This is all he’s known, one war to another. The opponent always changes, and sometimes, his allies too.

I see the look on my daddy's face. When his son's fallin' over, undone. Father, my life is over. I didn't know what I had, now it's gone Can I lay my head upon your shoulder? If I fall asleep, will it be over?

Breach gets bad news about his brother. He’s stable, but it’ll be a slow recovery. Like Breach predicted, the target widens every time they learn about someone he cares about. And this takes all wind out of his sails. He just wants this fight to end, even if it ends with his death.

He doesn’t realize that well, this is the hospital where Sage works until he talks with Viper (the Dr) and recognizes her.

Sage does come in later, covering for another nurse for the day, and she sees Breach alone, last of his family to leave the hospital, with his head between his knees as he’s trying to think about his next move.

Breach wants to end this as quickly as possible.

Sage gets him a cup of coffee and they talk

They talk about how he’s in the hospital quite often, and Breach divulges that it didn’t used to be like this.

They talk about family, and that his brother was his father figure for a long time and so if he lost his brother…

She makes the leap of assumptions and implies that Breach is part of a gang or some sort of organized crime, and she asks why

Family? It’s just what was expected.

“If you could do anything in the world, what would you want to do?”

Breach has no answer.

Sage might’ve wanted to be a gardener or a botanist. Hospitals can get hectic, and she loves her meditative activities.

First establishment of a connection of some sort until she needs to move on with her shift, and he goes home.

You say I'm a big heartbreaker, but Doctor, I'd never hurt you. Isn't it obvious?

This would come in much later in the story. Maybe they’ve been dating for a month or two. It’s a private dinner in the bar that’s been closed for the day. This is when the finale of the gang/crime war happens, and Breach needs to find a way to defend himself, protect Sage, call backup, and win. At the very end of it, when Sage finally realizes just how deep into all this stuff Breach is, they have a serious conversation.

Sage is able to protect herself and hold her own in a fight (martial arts if ppl come close to try and take her hostage but obviously, Sage doesn’t feel safe.

She knows how cyclical this is. Another group will want revenge on Breach, and then the next and the next, and that’s assuming Breach doesn’t die. She’s seen it too much in the hospital. She also knows that more than just the guilty parties get caught in the crossfire.

Also, Sage doesn’t want to patch up her partner after every fight.

Breach is falling hard for her and though he knew the answer, he doesn’t want to let her go either.

He promises things like he would never let anything hurt her, and that he never meant to wound her like this.

She admits that it feels a little like heartbreak, and he can do nothing but accept that.

How would I end this? I think it would lead to Breach dealing with the aftermath and the revenge plots like Sage predicted. I think she overhears something at the hospital and goes to warn him but arrives barely in time and it’s her, Breach, and Raze fighting their way out before a large event (explosion or something similar). Breach gets hospitalized and with some strings pulled with Viper and Sage, Breach and Raze are pronounced “dead”. They get their new start, and Breach moves on to his passion project, maybe something simple at first like mechanics, maybe car detailing, and Raze can help paint cars. Something simple.

#Thank you for sending that in!#it was fun :))#valorant #valorant fanfic #valorant breach #breach #valorant sage #sage #breach x sage #tremorheal #my writing

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hernameisgwynne · 1 year

Text

Why I’m Leaving Teaching

In a yearbook-like collection back in, let’s say, 2004, there’s an entry from a little girl. It answered the question “What do you want to be when you grow up” and in 2004, it was easy: the little girl wanted to be a teacher. Despite earning a degree in a different field, and telling everyone else that it is not what she wanted anymore, a teacher, still, she would become. Who knew that after eight years of being a teacher--a dream she’s had most of her life--she’d be resigning, never to teach again. In this country, at least.

If you haven’t guessed it yet, that little girl was me--10 or 11, brooding writer, shy loner, and already had a penchant for oversharing. While everyone else had doctor or policeman or even astronaut in their entries, I wrote something more practical, more achievable: a teacher.

Chalk it up to having teachers who were nurturing or intelligent, or a grandmother who was a retired principal, but I have always wanted to be a teacher. When I was applying for universities in my last year of high school, all my forms had education. Even when I passed up the opportunity to go to a teaching school, being a teacher was still on my mind. So at 21--a fresh grad with no second interviews, mourning over a sister who was gone too soon, and healing a broken heart--I decided to apply for a teaching job.

When I got the job, I was ecstatic. The “job” I had before this drained so much from me, that this breath of fresh air--which included twenty-three almost adults--was the thing I wanted, no, needed. For years after that, despite the many comments from people around me--my mother especially--of the job not paying enough, of my potential being lost, of apply for public school already! and the exhaustion of just being a teacher. I knew I was happy.

Until I wasn’t.

When the owners of the school talked to me about my leaving, in between my bawling, one of them said: “The pandemic really took so much from us” and she’s right: it started with the pandemic.

When I graduated from university, there were so many things I didn’t know, but there was one that I did: I didn’t want to be stuck in an office, staring at a computer, day in and day out. So when were all forced to do just that, I almost lost it.

The changes were bullets you had no choice but to take. From being at a safe distance from the looming eyes of parents, we were now front and center. From seeing the improvement of these kids with our own eyes, we had to believe that what we were seeing is truly improvement. From the incessant conversations and oftentimes annoying laughter, there was now only silence and black screens. There was no formal diagnosis, but I knew, I was depressed.

Still, I trudged. I found happiness in fleeting conversations with some of them, a semblance of recess and lunch breaks when these kids would surround the teacher’s table. I found excitement in the submissions of some of them, the phrases and sentences carrying the honesty they were still willing to sharing. I found a reason in all of them, and I held on to those. Even if there were parents who called me names, even when there were students who had no respect of my time, even when the deadlines and paperwork piled up, even when I asked--no begged--for cameras opened and all I receive are empty black screens, I still grasped at straws to find meaning as to why I was still doing this.

The meaning came in the form of blended learning. Back in school, back in the classrooms, back in front of dozens of eyes, ready, excited, present. In my head, I thought, maybe I can still do this, maybe I can still be teacher they deserve again.

But I wasn’t. I thought it was going to be easier, but I was wrong. The exhaustion of teaching and paperwork outweighed the excitement of being a teacher. The glaring reality of not being paid enough outweighed the truth I accepted so long ago--that this was my passion. The feeling that I wasn’t good and kind and the person I needed when I was younger outweighed the love I thought I still had. And the worst thing? The parents and all their constant demands outweighed the care I had for their children.

And that’s why I’m leaving teaching: I am not a teacher anymore--I have become the empty husk of one. All the love and care and affection I thought I had with this job, this career, has been taken from me--first by the pandemic, then by the demands of everything else. Every time I beg for cameras to be on so that I can see that they’re there. Every time someone messages me at an ungodly hour asking for this, asking for that, when everything has already been said. Every time I am called in when I shouldn’t be. Every single time a parent messages me asking me to do more of the job that they should be doing. And, still, every time I do all those, every time I allow myself to say ‘yes’, to reply, to apologize, I take from me, too.

It is easy to blame external circumstances, especially since they play a huge part in my decision, but I am not being honest, not being me, if I don’t factor myself in, too. I could have said no, could have taken care of myself better, could have turned the laptop, the phone, off. But I didn’t. All because I loved, no, love, being a teacher.

The easy answer to why I’m leaving teaching is them, and there’s morsels of truth in that. The harder answer, the one that hurts the most to accept, is that it’s me. I have always wanted to be seen as kind and giving and selfless, but the pandemic and everything else have taken that, too.

They took all of me, yes, but I also asked too much, expected too much. There are no more reasons because I lost all of them, but I have also given up finding them again and just accepted defeat.

I’m leaving teaching because I’ve decided to become selfish, because for the first time in a long time, I’m choosing myself and my happiness over anyone else’s. I am going to miss all of it, all of them, but I am ready now. I am ready to leave.

#education #teaching #teacher

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nancypullen · 1 year

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DONE

Whew! Ladies, we did it again. The holidays are ending with no casualties and no one carted off in a straight jacket. Our Christmas was sweeter than ever, mostly because of a certain little girl. More than anyone in the family she appreciated my decorations and the goodies. We were probably tied in our excitement about Santa’s visit. She is a wonderful recipient. You could wrap up a potato in a pretty box and she’d name it and love it. Her preschool was closed the week after Christmas and her parents had to work so she stayed with us. She is an absolute joy, but I am OLD. When my youngest was four, I was twenty-eight. She is easy, bath time and bed time were a breeze. She is cooperative, no tantrums or fussing. But she is FOUR, and she is a smart, curious, bouncy, chatty girl. I wouldn’t have missed a minute of this visit, but you know I slept on a heating pad last night. I hate to even joke about this because I’m going to blink my eyes and she’ll be 8, 10, 13, and then gone to college. Her birthday is in just over a month and in the fall she’ll be a kindergartner. Make it stop! I could cry just thinking of how quickly she’s growing. Anywayyyyyyy...we had a fabulous Christmas, everyone was generous and kind to each other, lots of love around the tree and the table. I wouldn’t change a single thing, I’ve got plenty of sweet memories tucked away in my heart. Matt departs on January 2nd, he’ll be home about a week before heading to Uganda. So we’ve got company for New Year’s Eve and may manage to stay awake long enough to welcome 2023. I’m going to make a few snacky things, we’ll watch a movie, and around midnight we’ll say yippee and kiss each other. We walk on the wild side around here. I, for one, am so ready to close the calendar on 2022. Every year I get excited just thinking about a fresh new year and all it could hold. I’m choosing a word to focus on for this year, and it is flourish. I want to flourish in every aspect of life, and I’m the only one who can make it happen. I want to use the meager talents I’ve been given and do something with them. I want my health to flourish, I want my relationships to flourish, my home, my life! It’s time to bloom where I’m planted. I have experience with that, but I was successful at it because I had to be - my kids were counting on me, my family, etc. I sort of accidentally flourished while making sure everyone else did. This time it’s just for me. I may be a blooming idiot, but at least I’m blooming.

There are probably braver words that I could have chosen - I’m sure that there are people out there claiming courage or determination as their word for 2023. I hope their years exceed their wildest dreams, but that’s not what I need. I’ve decided to believe in myself this year, and nurture myself too. With that sort of fertilizer, surely I’ll flourish.

Alright, this kooky post is sort of all over the place. I just popped in to let you know that we’ve all survived the holiday madness and have settled in for a quiet New Year’s Eve at home. My favorite sort. Think about what your word for 2023 might be - what do you want or need more of next year? Peace? Connection? Adventure? Simplicity? Passion? Harmony? I have a friend who has chosen the word YES, because she intends to say yes to more things - everything from lunch invitations to job opportunities. There are so many powerful words that might mean something different to each of us, and might change your focus for the next twelve months. Food for thought. And speaking of food, I have to check the meatballs in the crockpot and get started on tonight’s menu. I hope that you are sending this year off with a kiss or a kick, depending on how you feel about 2022, and greeting the new year with open arms. Let’s make the most of it! Sending out BIG love tonight! Stay safe, stay well.

Nancy

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djinmer4 · 2 years

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Scholomance Random Thoughts

(Wall of text, you have been warned.)

What if the prophecy is much more drastic? Cast down enclaves is the start of it, we don't hear the end. What if the real prophecy is that El ends up destroying magic entirely?

Why would that be a possibility (other than my love of TV Tropes)? Let's say El does manage to break the enclaves' power by destroying mawmouths (going by the theory that mawmouths are connected to enclave creation) and providing everyone with Golden Stone enclaves. She's already managed to trap a significant portion of the world's mals, in an area where they'll be food to either Patitude or Orion, so it doesn't seem that farfetched that she could accomplish her dream. How long will that effect last?

In the book, they say the mals will be back to the same levels in three or four generations. What one idiot has done, can and will be copied in the future. The same will happen with modern enclaves, after all, once a spell exists it never goes away and there will always be people willing to sacrifice others for their own benefits. Maleficars, Todd Quayle, heck it happened already the first time. People had the Golden Stone enclaves and switched to the modern version because those enclaves were bigger (and possibly came with even more perks). Once enough of that happens, how long will it take for people to come up with another Scholomance, and who knows if that one will turn out as benevolent as the one in the book? Most constructs head in the opposite direction, it's almost a miracle that the Scholomance actually did give their children back at all.

What would be El's motivation? Disgust at the current practices, nurtured into her by her mother. The fact she lost bother her father and her lover to the results of those practices. A hero complex almost as big as what other people think Orion's is. And finally, just the sheer interest of safety for the future generations. There are plenty of terrible places in the world, but the world average survival rate for children is almost certainly higher than 5%. Forcing everyone to be mundane (and immune to mals) might actually improve everyone's life expectancy.

Other evidence? If it had just been that El was going to break the power of the enclaves, I think her paternal family could have put up with that. Especially given her great-grandmother's (I think I got the generation right?) penchant for forseeing happy futures. If El breaks the enclaves (probably violently) but creates the Golden Stone enclaves to take their place, I'm pretty sure her vision would have included the last part. They're currently not in an enclave and they're strict mana, I'm sure waiting a little longer to be able to get their own safe space when El grows up would not have been an impossible challenge. And while breaking the enclaves would not be great for others, I think it would come down to net benefit and they could also accept that, maybe even using Deepthi Sharma's vision as a way of getting other enclaves ready and smoothing the transition. If nothing else, they probably would have taken time to try to calm down and come up with a solution because they really, really wanted both Gwen and Galadriel.

But instead, they try and kill Galadriel the very same night. What if the vision ends with something about her destroying all magic forever, permanently? Maybe something that sounds like she ends up killing all magic users perhaps? And there's no silver lining to that one because Deepthi can't see into a time where magic doesn't exist. As far as they would know it's not just a way of life, it would be a complete apocalypse. No idea if any of the wise-gifted ones would even survive without their magic (or if Galadriel kills them all before hand). Wouldn't that be worth breaking their principles and killing her?

#random thoughts #the scholomance

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warblossom34 · 7 months

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“Have you ever get hints or the/ year where Evan met up with his future wife???? Do u got feeling that's one of differences that has going to face, is kind of have to do with religion or something else ????”

As Admin said, I believe he'll meet her in beginning of his 40's or mid 40's, no specific religion showed up for me in the reading. However, in the very first reading I've done this person showed up for me as a conservative person or coming from religious conservative family. Not the way you think when the world religious comes up, it's probably about their family background, same for Evan his family is very conservative marked as catholic but Evan is down for life. So take things with grain of salt.

ADDED NOTE: Someone here asked me if this is his soulmate or Twin flame, if i recall well but couldn't find the ask, anyways; They're both soulmates and Twin Flames. Sort of 2 in 1, but personally i believe TF, most people in here just it's easy for them to use the term of soulmates instead of twin flames to describe the situation that's all.

evan soulmate

september 15th, 20232 weeks ago

When Maddie says that Evan soulmate will be something like a mature girl or will threat him something like a mother thing. Sorry if I'm asking this question in wrong but does this mean that his soulmate will be single who is mature or does this mean that this girl will have a child?

@thevenus-child No worries! It means she will have a very nurturing nature and Evan will feel safe to be vulnerable with her, and trust her to take the lead. She will be mature in a sense that she will have her head screwed in right lol. She will be grounded. Maddie never saw anything about his soulmate having kids already. She only saw them having kids together. If Maddie wants to add anything she’s always welcome! 💕

“I can see that being “different” from his type. Like, more womanly rather than girly. ”

I agree with Admin!! The High priestess card and the Empress both showed a mature feminine figure, sort of sharp features. Period. A very woman than a girl.

!!!!

“What does The fool card upright told about his soulmate ?”

This card in the reading showed me a good looking young figure, approaching to life in very inquisitive way, active or hyper, ready to do whatever it takes to get to what they want, creative, a person who is loyal and friendly , they may got hurt during a relationship or friendship but still seeing good in people . The fool upright also about someone who makes you feel relaxed and always optimistic , they don’t care being called quirky yet they’ll wear it as a badge of honor.

When it comes to physical appearance it’s about someone love to look or dress up in a unique way but very fashioned. Maybe weird kind of style.

About career it represents someone creative, an artist or someone who loves to be seen and spotlight has been made for them. This is what this card told me about his soulmate.

thevenus-child sent a message:

“Hey! What was the card that represented Evan’s soul mate? Thanks!”

“The high Priestess ” “ Queen of Pentacles ” “The Queen of wands ” , “ The fool upright ” and “The Empress ”.

!!!!!!!

thevenus-child sent a message:

“Does Evan also dream or see his twin flame/soulmate like how she will look like?”

Some people do dream about their twin flames yeah! Especially when they’re on the twin flame journey. However in Evan’s case I have no clue only he does, but I’ve said previously that he knows deep down that he hasn’t met the one yet, that’s why he keeps jumping from one to another hoping he’ll find his other half to complete him, he will but patience is the key and learning some life lessons is also important for healing inner wounds .

I wanna state my opinion as well since anon did. I don’t think she meant anything by race or being racist just because she said “ black skinned women instead of African American ” some people would take seriously especially there’s some minions here are just waiting for a small gap to start shading the readers or the blog. She’s white so will really take it seriously just by an orthographic word she stated there’s no difference between black skinned and African American bc they’re the same. She just was trying to make it simple for those who were asking back then if a brunette mean a black bc some were mixing things up. That’s all if I’m wrong correct me please bc i know you shared your opinion but some people will take the chance to call her out for being racist again it’s just my opinion

I have known brunette to be referred to White women mostly, but honestly broadening our language and imagination on that term cannot hurt. For example if you think of redheads you think of white people with freckles but there are many dark skinned Africans/African Americans with red hair - naturally. Like we said, keep it open to all possibilities. No one had the intention of hurting anyone and the other anon knows it and stated it.

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evan soulmate

august 10th, 20231 month ago

anonymous sent a message:

“( to those who doesn't separate between brunette and black skinned; in the american culture, they define a brunette as someone who has light or dark brown hair, light skin tone pasty or pale, and dark or brown eyes and brows ), anyways this not our topic.”

You don’t have to post this publicly. I was just looking at the “Evan’s Soulmate” tag after it was posted about what Lana Del Rey song they would be. I know nothing was ment by it! You both seem like wonderful people. This isn’t about the soulmate. But how it was ruled out what culture they would come from. It just makes me abit sad that instead of saying “African American” or “brown skin” “black skinned” was used to describe a person a black women. There are african American women with brunette hair as well.

We didn’t exclude anyone! I haven’t been around to tagging asks related to that subject (the tag is under construction since I am making a master list for easy access). There have been a couple of times where anons would come and play a guess game of where she could be from; some cultures included were brown Latinas, Philippino women, Morocco, Egyptian. The description is about a woman with a different cultural background from Evan which means, chances are, she could be literally from anywhere. Maddie had said she would also speak a different language than him, or at least English will not be her only language, so again, this opens up possibilities of her being of any ethnicity. There is also equal chance that she could be a white brunette, solely based on the fact that Evan has mostly dated white women (as far as we know). I will be tagging these conversations though so that they can be included in the imagination of people. Thank you for pointing it out to me. I hope it wasn’t too much emotional labor to write to me. Also, this is also a general point about tarot but I think it fits here as well; European tarot is a practice that originated in Europe in like the 1700s-1900s using archetypes of the time that are still present in todays tarot illustrations. They are limited to what tarot readers of that time used as descriptions back then. The Queen of Swords for example (a card that showed up for Haley twice) is seen as an older divorced woman who is very cut throat; back then misogyny was even more rampant so any woman above the age of 20 was seen as old and cold, especially if she was unmarried or openly separated (think of the word spinster used in Victorian era). Todays definition of that same card is being the Queen of mastering emotions coming from deep grief. It’s way more inclusive of all possibilities and less insulting. So when the Queen of Pentacles (the card of Evans soulmate) shows up in a reading, it would be easy to immediately assume our deck is speaking of only White brunette women, since the woman depicted in classic RWS decks is White and brunette, when in reality it could also be about any other culture/race/ethnicity with those traits (brunette, dark eyes, dark brows). We will only know in time, honestly. Both Maddie and I always say to keep an open mind and be flexible. Again thank you for pointing it out to me.

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evan soulmate i will include this one too

august 10th, 20231 month ago

thevenus-child sent a message:

“Maddie how do you describe Evan’s soulmate based on any if this songs you shared ? Just out of curiosity ”

Lana songs? well based on how she showed up in the reading, strong feminine, ambitious, confident and bit dominant i would say “ Doin time ”. Let’s see only time will tell when we see her.

!!!!!!

3 notes

evan soulmate

august 6th, 20232 months ago

anonymous sent a message:

Will the bride be american too?

Hello! You are probably new here so here are the two most detailed readings Maddie has done on his soulmate. X and X Maddie has also mentioned in past readings that chances are she will have a different cultural background than him. So maybe she is born in the US but with origins from somewhere else.

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seeingteacupsindragons · 3 years

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So I Heard People Wanted My Thoughts On Chapter 57

So here’s 1151 words on it that cover at least a little of what I think everyone wanted. No, it’s not under a read-more; what do you think I am, considerate?

The newest chapter of YuuMori was far from uneventful, but at the end of it, all I can think about is Louis (okay, and William, a bit, I’m worried about Liam). A lot of time was spent establishing the new normal for House Moriarty in light of William and Albert being removed from the game board, and oh.

Leadership looks good on Louis.

In a way it did not on either of his brothers.

Not that William (or Albert) were bad leaders, because they were not. They were entirely competent. But I don’t think either of them especially enjoyed it. Albert performed that role because he was expected to and it was his obligation as a member of the nobility, but he fell in line with whatever William or even Mycroft wanted him to do exceedingly easily and typically looked for William to give him orders or advice. He had absolutely no initiative whatsoever.

William was very, very good at the role, and William is a possessive mastermind with goals and a plan, who takes people’s loyalty with pleasure, but I still don’t think he actually wanted to be a cult leader. As soon as Sherlock showed up, all he wanted to do was run away from that entire mess because he found someone who could be his equal partner and he wouldn’t have to keep giving instructions and taking charge of everything. The entire thing was a burden he really did not handle well emotionally. William was a very good leader, but leadership was not good for him. And that’s kind of a sticking point.

Louis wears it so naturally.

See, the thing that’s becoming very apparent about Louis now is that he is far healthier and more stable and better equipped to handle the burdens and responsibility of leadership of a New World Order than William or Albert ever were. He is not going to shatter into pieces like William did. He is not so shapeless that he needs someone else to give him strength and direction like Albert did.

He is everything his brothers could not be.

But you know, Louis has on the surface absolutely no reason to be stable and secure and capable. The way you get stable, secure, capable adults is primarily by raising children with love and stability and security and trust in their abilities. Louis was raised a food-insecure orphan who lost his home, who nearly died of illness, who suffered abuse and child labor. That environment fractured William.

Louis is older now than William was (and I would kill to see a more direct comparison of what William would’ve been able to manage with another two years of some kind of maturity that Louis now has, but frankly I don’t think it matters to the narrative, so we won’t), and him being older is maybe part of it.

But I think mostly it’s that Louis had a William to give him love and stability and security and to trust in his abilities.

William turned himself into a lightning rod for abuse to ensure Louis had a figure he could always trust and rely on, so Louis could how to trust other people, so he could delegate and so he could learn to reach out and connect with others. William’s sort of shitty at all of those things.

But Louis listened to and relied on his older brother, trusted his older brother more than himself for a long time, although William certainly encouraged Louis to grow his own spine and confidence in himself and his abilities—William gave him that, too.

William gave more than ever should’ve given to Louis, since he was still protecting Louis even as fully grown adults, trying so hard to keep Louis safe. But when it became apparent that Louis was ready to take on more responsibility, more tasks, and took the initiative to demand he be given them, William conceded and trusted his brother and gave him more.

Moneypenny has this bit where she is musing about Louis that echoes Mycroft last chapter—Louis was always as capable of as William ever was, but he hid in William’s shadow so thoroughly, no one could see his potential. But it was always there, ready and waiting.

And, well.

William could see it. William always did. Louis was always who William intended to leave his world to. Louis was the seed he protected and preserved and nurtured so it could bloom after he razed the world down. Like those giant sequoia trees that need forest fires in order to reproduce and grow because their seeds don’t release otherwise. Like the humans that repopulate the world after the death of the gods in Ragnarok. Like a phoenix rising from William’s ashes (I’m sorry the phoenix thing really kills me on account of all the fire in this series and most especially how they were reborn in fire as Moriartys all the way back in chapter one).

(I could very seriously keep going on and on like this, but I will leave it there for now)

William grew up strong but inelastic and brittle as hell. Louis is tougher than that. He can handle the work required of him now. William served the purpose he intended and handed everything to his brother to inherit, everything his brother was always intended for.

And I hope he gets to see that, one day. But I’m intensely curious as to how that’s going to work out, and it depends a lot on what’s been going on with Liam for the last three years. Liam has spent his entire life destroying himself for others, but…

No one (with the possible exception of Moran, given the fact that Moran is Weird and didn’t quite match up with anyone else, and also plot reasons) needs Liam anymore.

Not that they wouldn’t let him have a role in their lives; they’re all quite fond of him. But they don’t even really know him because he would never let them. And they have Louis now to give them direction and purpose.

I don’t think Liam being needed was good for him. He gave and gave and gave when he was needed until there was nothing left for him. It would be dangerous for him to go back. But he also devoted his entire life to that dynamic and refused to allow anything else to grow. What would he even do there?

I don’t know. I have a lot of trouble imagining what would happen if he threw himself into that group again. Too much has changed, and it’s better for all of them. All three Moriarty brothers are in much healthier places with environments they need to grow and stretch into themselves and their potentials, now.

But Liam’s life is going to have to be something very different.

Besides.

He could never take away what makes Louis shine brightest.

#Yuukoku no Moriarty #Moriarty the Patriot #YuuMori Spoilers #Louis James Moriarty #William James Moriarty

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hnychn · 3 years

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐄 [𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈]

summary : levi wanted to believe the Fates were kind, but he should have known better

warnings : character death, heavy loss, a single mention of suicide, more greek myth allusions, fem! reader

word count : 3000+

a/n : omgomgomg tysm @yeehawslap for giving me permission to write this, i swear when i read their post i was immediately inspired to write this and i'm so sorry to your feelings :') also i swear i changed the title of this like, ten times

attack on titan masterlist || navigation

The Fates had dealt Levi a rough life.

When the goddess Clotho had spun the thread of his life, she must have incorporated thorns into every string; even now Levi could feel the pricks of guilt that chipped away at his soul each time he opened the bottom drawer of his desk and faced the bloodied scout patches of the lives lost..

Lachesis had enforced his life; she had been the one to use his thread to create. Although, Levi must admit, the fates must have favored him a tiny bit if they had sent you to him. You, his lovely wife whom he met one late evening under the stars, a gash on his head and gauze in your hand ready for you to patch up.

You had been there to take out every thorn in his thread Clotho had stuck in his life; every ounce of guilt, every second of regret had been a burden on his shoulders you relieved by simply being there.

Perhaps the Fates weren't all that bad.

They must have been even just an ounce of virtuous if they had allowed him to call you his forever. The fates had strung together a love story into his thread of life and allowed him to invite someone into the most intimate parts of him, allow him to find peace within someone; to create a life together.

Levi could remember the day when you burst into his office, a smile so bright he was sure even the sun was envious of the warmth you radiated. No words were spoken as you pulled him into your arms and cried.

It was only through hiccups and sobs did he hear your soft voice tell him he had created a life. And while your stomach was still as flat as it had been the night before and many nights before that, he pressed his hand against it nonetheless and promised to protect the life within you until his very last breath.

Perhaps the Fates weren't all that bad.

Isabel, as the two of you named your daughter, had become a nearly carbon copy of her father. not only did she share many features in common with him, she also inherited his strength.

She was able to hold her head up on her own only a mere months after birth, and she often gave you a terrible fright when she climbed out of her crib at night with a strength a toddler shouldn't have. Though, it was of no real surprise to either of you; you were sure your womb must have taken a terrible beating with the strength of her kicks while she was still growing inside of you.

And, with her strength and many similarities with her father, came her desire to join the scouts.

It was the first time in her life Levi had denied her something.

Admittedly, little Isabel had her cold, ruthless captain of a father wrapped around her stubby little finger since the moment you pushed her out of your womb. You could hear the way he promised to give her anything her little heart desired and often you found yourself being more strict with her.

Though, this had been Levi's one fear.

Levi has seen countless people fall beyond the walls. He's witnessed Farlan and Isabel (his daughter's namesake) tragically torn to pieces by those wandering monsters. He’s seen countless bodies piled up in wagons to return to the walls for burning.

You’ve seen your fair share of horrors, too. You’ve seen the injuries people walk into your clinic with, the blood gushing through gaping wounds, their bones snapped in angles they shouldn't, the limbs you've had to amputate; and the sheer image of your daughter being one of them was enough for you to turn green with sickness.

There were countless arguments between Levi and Isabel (you often found yourself the mediator of these fights and cursing the fates for making both father and daughter stubborn as mules). But ultimately, Levi had caved as he always did, and promised to train her harder than anyone else in the training corps.

True to his word, Isabel often returned home with bruises and collapsed next to you on the couch, her head falling into your lap with fatigue. You smiled as you ran your fingers through her hair as she tiredly recounted her training with her father and other members of the Training Corps.

She had recounted many stories of the friends she’s made there; an arrogant boy named Jean who she loved to tease and roughhouse with, a boy with a buzzcut named Connie she liked to mess around with and prank occasionally, and a girl named Sasha.

The dusty pink on her cheeks when she told you stories about her sprouted an inkling inside of you that made you think she was more than just a friend to your daughter. You only smiled as she went on.

Though, late at night, when your husband had long ago fallen asleep and your daughter was tucked safely away in her room, did you find yourself praying to the Fates. You prayed no arm would come to your daughter and she would lead the happy life she deserved. You prayed the Fates were kind.

Perhaps . . . the Fates weren't kind . . .

Levi should have known the fates hadn't meant to give him a life as peaceful as his (or as peaceful as it could be with you and Isabel by his side). He should have known better than to think the Fates were righteous.

Afterall, the goddess Atropos always came to collect what was due. Atropos was the third and final Fate, the goddess who cut the threads her sisters weaved and toyed with. She was the one who claimed souls. Atropos watched time and time again as Levi avoided her attempts to collect his thread and grew frustrated the more he slipped through her fingers like sand. So, Atropos did the next best thing.

She stole a life close to him.

Levi could feel his blood run cold when Jean walked in, his hands fisting the shirts of two children and his eyes wild with shock. His words were shaky and his eyes were covered in a daze of denial, as if his mind was trying to protect him from the inevitable heartbreak he would experience.

Levi waited with a bated breath for Jean to crack a smile and admit this was all some sick joke he could punish him later for. That his whole thing was nothing but a nightmare and he was bak at home, cuddled in bed with you and your daughter was sleeping soundly in her room just down the hall.

But he knew it wasn't a dream, not when you gasped as you did, when he could practically see your heart shattering in your eyes and the way you nearly pushed him to the floor as you ran to the back of the airship. Levi followed close.

"ISABEL!"

You had practically thrown Connie to the side to get to your daughter. Her eyes were hazy with the same veil of death you had seen time and time again with your patients and friends. Sasha stood still to the side, her eyes wide and her hands shaking, “should have been me, it should have been me.” She chanted the words like a spell that would somehow transfer the wound to her, a spell that would miraculously heal your daughter who lay on the cold hard floor of the airship, blood slowly seeping out of her.

The logical medic in your brain delivered you the harsh truth as you assessed your daughter and her wounds. The unforgiving voice hissed in your ear about her inevitable death, the wound is too fatal, there’s no way she’ll make it back to the island. You hushed the voice as quick as it spoke, your heart denying the severity of the situation.

"oh," Levi could only watch as you clutched onto Isabel, your hands working like clockwork as they put pressure on her wound despite the violent shake in them, "oh, my baby..."

Levi took a hesitant step closer. It was haunting, watching his daughter who held so many of his qualities lay on the floor, bleeding to death. He had remembered the many times she pulled his hair as a child, giggling loudly as she pointed out the obvious, ‘I’m just like you, daddy!’

Oh, how he wished he could go back to those moments. When his daughter was nothing but a small child he cradled in his arms, tucking her safely under his chin as he gently rocked her side to side to lully her back into a deep sleep. He wished to go back to the nights he held your hair back as your stomach churned with nausea and your daughter was but a growing fetus, protected within the walls of your womb.

"M . . . mommy . . .” Isabel breathed.

You sobbed harder, "it's okay baby, i'm here, mommy's here."

You ran your fingers through her hair, hushed her and soothing her as you once did many years ago when she was nothing but a small baby clutching onto the material of your dress.

She had been so tiny then, so fragile and sweet and innocent. But she had long since grown out of her baby face and matured into a strong woman you were proud to have nurtured. But in this moment, it was as if she returned to the same fragile baby as she was years ago as she clutched onto the straps of your gear like a lifeline, her eyes dull but full of fear and hesitance.

"Mommy please, i'm- s' scared . . ." her voice was breathy and you could see the energy drain from her eyes the harder she tried to keep them open.

You wanted to be selfish, to tell her to keep her eyes open, to keep breathing and push through the pain. But you could see the pain flash in her eyes each time she took a breath, you could hear her breathy wince with every movement she made, and you knew you couldn’t be selfish.

Levi could see your resolve slowly crumble, the way the shake in your hands grew more and more violent and he could practically see the screams bubble in your throat as you tried to swallow them down to comfort your daughter. Levi knew if he didn't step in now, there would be no salvaging the broken pieces of you after this.

"It’s okay, princess." Levi crouched down on the other side of his daughter, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he tried to keep his composure.

Her head slowly turned to him, "d-daddy . . . ?"

Levi hummed, "Yeah, it's me princess. It’s okay, you did so well, you were so brave."

"I was?" her words were breathy and rushed as she tried to cling on to the last threads of her life. You could feel her grip in your gear lose its strength and you nearly let the screams clawing at your throat escape.

pleasepleasepleaseplease, you begged, not her please not my baby.

"So brave."

Levi had never felt so helpless watching his daughter's eyes lose their life, he could only sit there and reassure her that everything would be fine and she had done good as she took her last breaths. Images of the other Isabel laying dead on the floor flashed through his mind and Levi nearly vomited.

"I love you"

Levi nodded, "I know. I love you too, princess. Now rest."

The winds howled loudly outside, but there was nothing loud enough to drown out the screams that had finally escaped from you as you gripped your daughter’s hand so tight your knuckles turned white. Levi held you close as tears of his own dripped down his face and an indescribable weight placed itself in his heart.

The Fates were not kind.

Life after that seemed to lose its shine.

Your home was hauntinly quiet. Every inch of the home had memories of your daughter carved into the wooden frame. Her first words, her first steps, her first breath. You had given birth to your daughter in the living room, and where the walls once gave you comfort and warmed your heart with reminders of the first life you had brought into the world, it now made you sick with grief and added to the weight in your heart. She had taken her first steps in the hallways, clutching your fingers tight as you guided her down the hall to Levi who waited for her with a proud smile. Her first words had been in the kitchen, where you and Levi cooked dinner for your quaint little family and she called out to the two of you, begging for attention. And who was Levi to deny his princess?

You and Levi struggled to find your places in the world after that. Late at night, the two of you often clung to each other for comfort. Though, you knew Isabel’s death was hitting Levi harder than you. You could see it in the way he tucked her Scout badge into the left breast pocket of his shirts, hoping to keep the memory of her close to his heart; the way he avoided every mirror like it was the plague. You could see it in the way he flinched whenever he caught sight of his reflection, his own steel grey eyes and matted black hair staring hauntingly back at him.

Isabel had taken after her father the most, afterall.

You also found Levi’s features a bit hard to look at after that. It was hard to look into his eyes and see your daughter staring right back at you with a pleading look to not leave. There had been late night conversations where Levi assured you he knew of his similarities to Isabel and promised to not be mad if you wanted to leave him, 'I find it hard to look at myself sometimes.'

But you only held him tighter and stuck closer to his side, washing away any thoughts he had of you leaving him. You married him because you loved him, and nothing could change that. Even if he looked so similar to your lost daughter.

The Fates also decided to make your lives a bit harder, as if taking away your first born hadn’t been enough suffering to put you both through. Levi had been sent away with Zeke into hiding. Initially, you wanted to go with him, to stick by his side and cling to your life support, but the others hadn’t allowed it.

Hango could only grip your wrist tight as you watched Levi climb into the carriage and ride away.

You begged Hange not to leave you alone after that; because you knew if you were left alone for long enough, there would be nothing stopping you from joining your daughter in the afterlife.

Hange stayed by your side.

You wanted to vomit.

You could feel the sickening churn in your stomach as you stared down at the very girl who had stolen the life from your daughter. The images of your daughter clutching on to you tightly and her scared voice begging you to comfort her rang loud in your ears. Your mouth had dried instantly, any one of the thousand of words rattling in your head stopped by the numbness in your mouth. There were so many things you wanted to say, so many words you wanted to exchange with the girl who had taken your child from you.

You could see Nicolo’s mouth move and his adam's apple bob with every sound he made, but it was all muffled whitenoise as your eyes trained onto the little girl who stared up at you with a look of horror and fear.

“ . . . kill her,” Nicolo’s voice buzzed in your ears.

You hadn’t even realised you took the knife from his hands until you heard Hange speak up from behind you. She begged you to put the knife down, to think rationally.

But how could you? How could your mind think of anything other than harming the girl who was the cause of all your pain? When the girl who murdered your daughter was right in front of you, sitting on her knees, vulnerable. Your heart screamed and thrashed against the veins that held it in place for you to stab her, to make her feel the same pain your baby had to go through.

But then she looked up at you. Her eyes were wide with the same fear and pleading look your daughter had in her final moments. You dropped the knife, your shoulders shaking as your eyes lined with unshed tears.

“Kill a child. . . you- you want me to kill a child. . .” Armin stared at you from the side as your shoulders sagged and a few tears escaped your eyes, and he couldn’t help but realize how tired you looked. As if the weight the world had placed on your shoulders was finally catching up to you and your body struggled to carry it any longer.

“I can’t do that. She’s a child. Someone’s daughter.” You collapsed to the floor, your hands digging to the carpet underneath you, “I can’t kill a child, not while I know what it feels like to lose your own. I can’t put another mother through the same pain I’m in. I just- can’t.”

Hange kneeled next to you and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, her lips pressed into a thin line and sympathy swimming in her eyes for her friend who had lost her world. You looked back up to Gabi and she nearly flinched with how broken and tired your eyes looked, “I can only hope she’s found peace in the afterlife. . .

“I can only hope the Goddesses of Fate are kind to her soul.”

#attack on titan x reader #attack on titan #shingenki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyoujin #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi #attack on titan levi #attack on titan levi x reader #angst #mom! reader #parent! reader #husband! levi

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thekillingjoke-haha · 3 years

Text

Just You And Me

Summary: Sam and Dean are on there second hunt to find John. They need help from the one person who hates Wendigos the most Y/n Winchester

Prequel to What's Worse Then Wednesday?

Ten years ago John had his first encounter with a wendigo a family went hiking with a full group of fifteen and no one has came down from the mountain in almost a month. Having asked a more experienced hunter John wrote down things he needed to remember as he went up the mountain a bag with Molotov ,lighters,and flare-up. It took almost a week to find the small mine shaft his brown eyes widened at the seen. Male and female limps were torn of and only some still had enough meat and clothing to be identifiable. Some bodies were on hook that resembled mountain climbing gear. None of them moved except for one. Stepping closer a six year old girl was hanging from her binder wrist her eyes look into his scared before gazing over down a tunnel a thick trail of blood went down it as tears spilled down her face. "Mommy and Daddy are gone. I next." Her voice cracked and a unhuman beastly type growl echoed. "I'm gonna get you out of here, darling." That's how John Winchester met his adoptive daughter Y/n.

Its been seven years since then and the little family the Winchester's made for themselves was falling apart. It broke John's heart that he pushed away his youngest son when he wanted a way out of this life, but when his adoptive daughter wanted to hunt more big league he almost blew a fuse. Y/n was young really fucking young to be hunting on her own,but it could have been worse she could have cut off contact with John and Dean. Now two years later John's missing and the siblings need each other.

The h/c teenager hissed as she cleaned the deep cuts on her shoulder looking into the bathroom mirror. A fucking blood suckered clawed at her shoulder taking advantage of the other two she beheaded. The burner phone on the back of the toilet rings as she grabbed it putting it between her ear and none injured shoulder. "Kinda busy Dean-o." She mumbled slipping the antibacterial cream in the cuts making the surface pink. "Dad went on a hunt and hasn't been back yet. I got a call last night and it sounds Ike somethings under it." He said the sound of baby let be know he's in the car. "Send it over to me and I'll have it back to you by the hour. You leaving New Orleans?" She ask starting to Butterfly stitch closing up the cuts. "Yeah left about two hours ago heading to California." Pausing and shacking her head. "No no no no no! You're not involving Sammy! He got out the life let him stay away and safe." Y/n finished up wrapping her shoulder as she walked out the bathroom to put on a shirt. "I need to,n/n. I won't keep him long we are just gonna check out the place dad was last at. The question is are you coming." Licking her lips she sighed. "I can't I'm in New York right now just took care of a nest in Brooklyn. I won't make it cross country for a couple of weeks." Dean let out a heavy breath. "I know,but I also know you're avoiding Sammy." Maybe the youngest wasn't the only one heart broken after one of her protectors,her best friend left in a huff and hasn't answered a single call.

The silence was drawn out as Dean's phone buzzed against his ear. "There your voice-mail put it through a gold wave. Sounds like a vengeful spirt bring rock salt for the shotgun." Dean chuckled. "Thanks baby sis...wait did you put me on mute to ignore me!?You bit—" That's when the line went dead. The h/c girl giggled as she layed on the stiff musty motel mattress. Her eyes closed,but her mind ran ramped.

The woods they were dark and seemed to loom over her. It was so quite no sound came from anywhere not even the wind dared blow. Crying filled the the air it was that of a child. It grew closer till it disappeared all together the claw marks on the trees marked the familiar place the blood soaked leaves crunched behind her causing the teen to go stiff. She knew what was behind her it was the same thing in every dream for ten convective years even if she knew her body wouldn't allow her to act she was that same scared little girl paralyzed as the horror show continued. The creature yelled,but it echoed in all directions. "HELP US!" Dean and Sam's voices shocked her awake her body pinned in fear as she looked at the Wendigo on top of her. It successfully restricting movement if her whole upper body. Blinking hard it was gone and air filled her lungs like rushing water. It meant nothing...nothing at all.

It's been almost a two weeks since Dean's call. He often text since Sam tried to high jack his phone last time he tried calling. Sam and Y/n didn't exactly end on the best of notes. "Come with me." Sammy looked at a younger Y/n who shook her head. "No. I can't leave dad and Dean. Not like this." The dust has settled after the heated argument between father and son and the rules were clear the moment he walked out those doors he stayed gone. "Don't call him that." His mood seemed to shift back to angry,but something else was there. "Call him what? Dad?" The young girl was confused now. "He's not your dad." It wasn't a secret that Sam harbored negative feeling against his sister they were never anything serious,but he still somewhat loved her just not like a sister. "You're not apart of this family you can get away,but no you're going to stay here and become their weakness!" He points at John and Dean who were just behind her. "I'm not a weakness! I got their back like they've got mine. That's what's family's for!!!" She shouted her eyes welling with tears not letting them fall,but they slip out at his next words. "Your family is dead! Did you save them then?! Maybe if you did we wouldn't be stuck with you!!!" The room was still no one dared breathed Dean stared wide eyed at his baby brother as John grew tense grasping the neck of his beer bottle in a vise grip while same looked like a deer in headlights. A sniffle brought the three men's attention to the girl. Tears streamed down her face before she used a open palm to whip her face dry. "Just go. Cause that's what you do best you runaway from your problems and wait til Dad or Dean can fix it." The thirteen year old snapped at him as she pushed on him as he just stumbled back. "You're nothing,but a coward and a pathetic one at that. I don't want to loss the little family I got for myself you're so willing to walk away from them it shows how different we are...nothing,but two strangers." He stood in the doorways as the h/c teen grabbed his packed duffle bag and threw it into his torso making him fall to the ground.. "So just FUCKING LEAVE!!!" With that she slammed the door shut. What Sam couldn't see as he drove away from the dingy motel was the mess he left behind. A father struggling to keep his kids safe,a brother torn between hunting and normalice,and lastly a adoptive sister that can't help,but be different. Sam Winchester left his family in a worse state then imaginable.

Sitting in bed I looked at my phone hoping it rang or buzzed with a incoming message that said they were fine. Y/n jumped as the screen lit up the name Batman lighting the screen. "About fucking time you jackass!" Her words were harsh,but the relief filled her voice. "Yeah we just got out of Stanford campus heading to .... now." Dean said the sound of cars and wind slightly muffled his voice. "H-how's Sam after...after you know?" One thing that Winchester’s hated was emotions and even if they weren't blood she grew up the same. Nature and nurture going toe to toe. "I don't know. You can always ask him yourself you know." The h/c teen laughed as she ran her hand down her face. "Dean-o he's the same shaggy haired asshole that said I wasn't family. I'll give him a chat when we're cheek to cheek in hell." And another thing Winchester’s sure knew how to hold on to a fucking grudge. "God you sound like Bobby said if he ever saw dad again he'd be looking down his shotgun barrel." They both chuckled as the faint sound of a ding of a convince store rang out. "Well tell Samantha same goes for him." She picked her nails as she decided to get up. "What are you morons hunting anyways did dads ex-marine crap give you a clue?" The crunch a gravel on the line grew louder. "It just had coordinates,my name,and a note saying safe place with your name." Dean opened the car door and got inside as Sam approached him. "I don't know Dean I don't have a safe place in the middle of nowhere so keep me updated,Batsy." Sam looked over at Dean who switched hands to the furthest from his brother. "Copy that talk later,Robin." That's when the keep away match started.

"Dude what the hell I want to talk to Y/n." Sam huffed as his brother closed the flip phone dropping it on the floorboards next to his feet. "Your chances of talking to her are zero to none,man. Sammy she'll talk to you when she's ready." Dean sighs as he starts the car. The youngest huffed he will admit he was a shitty brother that night and everyday following he didn't like it,but he ignored her calls for a months till they just stopped.At first he was still heated,heated, he felt guilty,then he was too busy. Sam tried calling,but it disconnected immediately meaning she blocked him. He thought he'd see her when Dean broke in but finding out she's been taking her own hunts scared him shitless. And from what Dean told him she started after the first month she trained harder taking own bigger hunts with Dad before doing normal ones alone. Sam realized by leaving he took away her only need for normalice,her want to have something other then hunting. He took her slice of the apple pie for himself.

The brothers were in the fucking woods in jeans and flannels walking with a makeshift search party for a missing kid. They were in a abandoned campsite after they lost their supplies. The signal was shot and Dean's phone was useless in most areas. He sent a text as it waited for any signal to send. "' Going in the woods with unknown creature. You know the coordinates I'll call if we need you'" That was a bit of a lie. He knew what it was before nightfall,but he didn't want her to have a panic attack he wouldn't be there to help her. The guide Roy? shot blindly in the woods after something rustled and growled like no animal. The boys ran after him as he got snatched up into the treeline which made them quickly escape back to the camp. As Haley and her brother Ben slept Dean had first watch they weren't prepared and this was the last creature he wanted his sister to hunt. Not after last time.

Dean was on a hunt with Dad and Y/n while Sammy stayed at uncle Bobby's for exam week or some shit. John never told them what they were hunting they had to discover it themselves. The hunt that was suppose to last three days,but took almost a week the tried tracking it yet nothing came up,but more missing persons. The trio decided they'd go back into the national park when it was daylight again,but they didn't need to wait that long. That night they slept Y/n sharing the bed with Dean as dad slept in the bed to the right of them it was probably the quietest night they've every had so the fact that something breezed in under their noses scares them most. Dean rolled out of the bed to the bathroom closing the door after he turned on the light it illuminated the pale skinned beast in the corner. It creeper closely to the only adult in the room gazing at his body before turning to the smaller figure in the bed breathing evenly. It crept onto the bed leaning over her body the old motel mattress creaked as it settled onto her. The weight of the creature was crushing causing her breath to come out in a hissing wheeze as her e/c eyes opened before they filled with shock. Going to scream the crushing weight on her chest pushed all the air out along with breaking a few ribs. Her hand wiggled out from under him as she wiggled her arm to hit the lamp off the table it broke onto the ground and John shot up with his gun and Dean busted out of the bathroom both froze before jumping into action the young boy running to get a lighter while John shot at it just to get it away from Y/n. The boney supernatural creature screeched getting up allowing the girl to try and roll out of the bed it struck her back blood soaked her clothing as she fell coughing roughly knowing the fall made one of the ribs stab into her lungs. The males in the room were able to set the monster ablaze quickly getting out of the room John holding his daughter. Y/n was in shock like many victims they've seen that monster was her nightmare and it casual gazed at her having the ability to kill her at any moment. After going to the hospital she stayed at Bobby's for almost a month to recover physically and mentally. Wendigos are her yellow eyes.

The next day as the followed the tracks of the Wendigo a sigh left Dean's lips as he tried to call her it rung for awhile before dial tone at least it went through,but she must have been busy. About to hand up the girl took off running after the beast made itself know Dean ran to keep up with her Sam yelling for him to wait as he stayed with her brother. She managed to trip as he went to pick her up he was hit over the head as she screamed for help as he started fading in and out and the voice-mail ended with Cries of help.

Y/n sat in her car waiting for a update text form Dean she started driving close to where he was,but didn't involve herself yet she almost got a room at the motel when her phone buzzed with a text. It was a update to come if he ever called to head over and help with a thankful sigh she back tracked from the motel and went to the dinner as she left her 0gonw on the table to order food it vibrated with a incoming call. One missed call and a voice-mail. As she grabbed her bagged lunch she grabbed the stuff off the table going back to her car as she got in the driver's seat she opened her phone to see a missed call and a voice-mail. Dean never sends voice-mails so Y/n opened it and she almost broke her foot as she hit the pedal to get to the woods. "Dean wait up~*crackle of leaves and grunts*~Come on we gotta ge—~*Female Screams followed by a thud*~ DEAN!!! *Inhuman roar before cut off*" Y/n almost had a panic attack in the car,but the adrenaline made her move faster that was sent five minutes ago. Taking a deep breath she began calling any hunter supernatural or not that knew the area well enough. "Hello?" "Hey this is the ARIA. I'm F/n F/L/N you have been hunting in the area for forty years are there any identifying landmarks within those woods? So incase of emergency?" The old man happily spoke about clearings,cabins on the edge,river,and a abounded mineshaft and where they were. She quickly thanked the man before hanging up she pulled out a satellite gps as she got looked over were she needed to go. Grabbing a backpack she loaded it with everything she needed as she took off into the wood watch as she got closer and closer with each click.

Sam's eyes fluttered open as he grabbed his bearings. Dean was next to him which mean he got captured not long after Dean and got taken. Haley,Ben,and Tommy were to the right of him they were stuck as he tried to move or at least hit Dean and wake him up. His brothers eyes sluggishly opened as he looked around before turning back to Sam in shock. The heavy foot steps creeped closer as the half clothes supernatural being looked down at them even though they were hanging on meat hooks. It moved down the line of people about to grab Tommy when a soft cry echoed in the cave. It turned around and listened closely. The brothers strained their ears to hear what it was. The Wendigo sprinted off to investigate when something else came into the Winchester’s view. Y/n stood infront of her brothers mud,sticks,and leaves on her body to mask her sent. Walking forward with a knife she cut Dean down before doing the same for Sam. The oldest went to cut down the siblings as Sam stopped his sister. "Y/n how did you get here? You shouldn't be here the monster is a—" She cut him off with a anxious smile in her face. "A Wendigo I know,but you guys needed a hero so I'm here." Dean came over to them as he stood next to his taller brother. "Sammy's right though,N/n. You got to get out of here after what happened last time. This thing is different from the last one it won't sit still for us to shoot it." He had a point, but he knew that was years ago he was still scared he couldn't protect her. "I got this I can defend myself. Get these people out of her I can distract the man eater." Handing them both a flare guns She turned towards the opposite tunnel the beast went into. "That leads straight to a river follow the flow and after it stops you're only two miles from Baby." About the protest they hear a growl. Y/n quickly sprinted further into the cave making enough noise to cover them escaping.

"OH OH HERS SHE COMES WATCH OIT BOYS SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP! OH OH HERE SHE COMES SHES A MAN EATER!!!" She sung running lighting flares leaving a trail as she ventured deeper. Y/n pulled the rubber top igniting another about to drop it when a snarl came form behind her. "Well hello beastie." She didn't turn around evening her breathing before spinning. The red light illuminated the monster in a devilish glow she wasn't a scared little girl anymore she was a Winchester and Winchester’s chase after their demons. "Just you and me now." A roar sounded throughout the damp cave. The boys turn to look back they both wanted to run back,but both of them would have pit her in more danger they were injured and a extra body to look after would put her at risk. They saw the orange hue of flames and the sound of glass breaking. Standing anxiously waiting for her to come out they were thrown back by the force of a explosion pressurized by the small space. The rock of the cave entrance was about to crumble when a head of h/c hair running out with a limp as it collapsed dust clouded the scene before them they could tell if she even got out until it settled. The youngest Winchester stumbled forward as she smiled at her brothers blood coming from her head and her split lip. "That was awesome. I did a Indian John's." Dean ran as fast as he could capturing her in a bone crushing hug. "Do some shit like that again I'll kill you then myself." She giggled as she hugged him back. "Sorry can't hear you. Explosion ya know deafening me." Y/n joked as her brother pulled away from the hug. Sam walked over slowly almost testing the waters. "Hey Y/n." He said shaky as he looked down at her. She's grown alot since last time he saw her she had more scarred and hard exterior. "Heya Sam." Her e/c orbs looked up at him they were uneasy as she smiled at him before hugging her as well. "I missed you,Jackass." Her voice was muffled by his shirt as he returned the hug. Their relationship will never be the same they both had Dean as a buffer between them,but for right now in this moment it was just the two of them Just you and me against the world.

#supernatural x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural #john winchester #dean winchester x sister!reader #sam winchester x sister!reader #winchester #spn #sister!reader #adopted!reader #john winchester x daughter!reader #s1 ep2 #hateloverelationship #broken sibling relationship #Just you and me

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wendimydarling · 3 years

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Please Don’t Leave Me

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Summary: Talking about our past is not easy. What happens when it’s finally time to share what you’ve been through with Henry?

Pairing: Henry x First Person Reader

Word Count: 1635

Warnings: Angst; mention of being yelled at, personal hurt, self-harm, attempted suicide, emotional neglect, parental abuse, beginning stages of a panic attack, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and fear of abandonment. (If there’s anything I missed, just let me know and I’ll add it).

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY FREYA! I know it’s next week, but I’ll be off Tumblr because it falls on Thanksgiving this year. You asked me for this fic and I wanted to do right by you, as you’ve done so much for me. I love you, bish!

It had been a rough day. And not just your typical rough, I’m talking the kind of rough where you spill your coffee all over your blouse in the car, end up being late for work, forget your lunch, and get yelled at by the boss kind of rough. The kind of rough where every traumatizing past event in your life comes bubbling to the surface. The kind of rough where you want nothing more than to crawl back into your bed and sleep for seven years, and it’s only nine-thirty in the morning.

The one saving grace I held on to as I counted down the minutes of my shift was that Henry would be home tonight, waiting for me. God, I don’t know how I got so lucky, but somehow that kind and gentle soul had seen through the cracked and broken wall that I kept as my only defense mechanism, and had chosen me anyway. He knew some of my past and pain, but I hadn’t opened up about everything; I wasn’t ready to lose him, and I knew he’d be out the door once he heard it all. Just like everyone else. Perhaps that was selfish of me, but for once in my life, I knew what it felt like to be loved, and I was soaking in every ounce I could of that sweet nectar before it was gone.

Finally, finally, my work day was over. I headed to his place as fast as I safely could, anxious and burdened with unwelcome memories. The delicious smell of roast flooded my nostrils as I opened the door and Kal came bounding over. I noticed as I toed off my pumps and tamed the wild beast that Henry had built a fire, and gratitude filled my heart. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed, sometimes even before I did. I headed toward the kitchen, following my nose.

“Hey love,” Henry smiled wide, already pouring me a glass of red. He swallowed me in a warm embrace, his chin planted on the top of my head, and my body tucked firmly in his arms. I melted, sinking into the security of his hug and letting the stress of the previous hours wash away. I was here, he was home, and I was safe.

We ate quietly, talking here and there about random facts or tidbits. I pushed the food around on my plate, taking a bite here and there to satisfy Henry but I could sense him watching me carefully; his concern was evident, but he covered it well, masking it with simple questions or well-timed caresses. Even so, his next question caught me off guard, my fork halfway to my mouth.

“Will you tell me about it?”

The silverware clattered to the plate, forgotten in my fear. This is it, I thought, tonight’s the night I lose him forever. My chest constricted and I could feel the panic slowly rising, tears welling and threatening to spill. Henry quickly grabbed my hand and shushed me, cupping my face in nurturing kindness.

“You don’t have to,” he comforted, and I closed my eyes, exhaling the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Henry soothed his thumb over my cheek before pulling me onto his lap, cradling my head in his large hands. I burrowed deep into his chest, letting his scent wash over me in calming waves.

“I just want to help,” I heard Henry whisper. I sighed; he was right, it was time for him to know. I looked up at him, staring at that beautiful face that held so much promise. A face that said so much in just a look, with eyes that sparkled like the heavens whenever they landed on me. Once again, I wondered why his eyes looked like that when it was me they were viewing, but I shoved it aside. Self-deprecation would not help, not right now. Nodding softly, I tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t tell him, not out loud. I dropped my head in defeat.

Henry shifted me off his lap, grabbing my hand and walking us to his desk. He sat in his gaming chair and patted his thigh, tugging on my arm. I hesitated, confused.

“Come here, love,” he encouraged, guiding me to sit. With both of us facing the computer, he opened a word document and offered me the keyboard.

“If you’re unable to say it out loud,” Henry crooned in my ear, kissing softly under my lobe, “Then write it. I’ll read it as you type, and neither of us has to say anything.”

This man. I swear to god. Relief flooded through me, though anxiety pounced instantly as I was reminded that once we were done, he would be gone. No one else had stayed, my problems were much too great... Why should he be the one to bear the burden of me? I took a deep breath anyway and eyed the screen, my fingertips trembling over the instrument of my demise.

Where should I even begin? Should I go all the way back to the beginning, to my birth? How I was nothing but a mistake, and every day I was reminded as such? Or maybe I should tell him what the scars are from? Perhaps I should simply tell him about failed relationship after failed relationship, both romantic and non. Those are all fun tales, I had no doubt he’d love to hear all about them. Maybe he wanted to know the amount of times I’ve come close to admitting defeat and ending everything. Spoiler alert… that number’s higher than it should be.

I swallowed thickly and began typing, slow and hesitant words forming on the page. Every thought was carefully constructed, worked over in my mind at least five times before I allowed it to leave my fingers. Henry’s comforting arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, his chin nestled on my shoulder as he read what I shared. Tears slowly brimmed in my eyes, kept at bay only by sheer force of will. Each stroke of a key sounded like a hammer hitting the nails in our relationship’s inevitable coffin; surely he wouldn’t, couldn’t love me after this. No one could. It’s simply too much for anyone to bear, too awful… too hard.

And yet in my ear were the sounds of something different. Encouraging grunts, empathetic hums. Henry kept his promise, he never said a word except for one small sigh of “oh, love” as I hit a particularly difficult moment. His hands rubbed my sides, kisses left tiny wet imprints on my cheek, and every now and then he would squeeze tighter, small reassurances to keep going.

The words started pouring out of me. I couldn’t have stopped myself if I tried; Every struggle, every loss, every tiring moment; every single thing that had ever happened to me found its way into that document in a flurry of clacking plastic. My hands moved of their own free will and the tears started to flow; long, silent trails of pain releasing years worth of pent up anger and hurt. The salty drops fell onto Henry’s forearms but he just left them there, rooted to his task of protecting me. I would miss how safe I felt in the protection of his arms.

The final sentence fell out of my hands, and I immediately turned and buried my face into Henry’s shoulder, bitter sobs wracking my frame as I clung to his neck.

“Please don’t leave me,” I begged, ashamed of myself for being so needy and undesirable. I expected him to untangle himself from my arms, to get up and open the door to excuse me from his home. To force me to leave his life and never return.

The last thing I expected was for him to burst out laughing.

I snapped my head up and stared at him in horror, which only made him laugh harder.

“I’m so sorry,” he wheezed, “I really shouldn’t be laughing. It’s just… I know why you think I would leave you, it’s all right there on the computer, but you have nothing to worry about.”

Henry wiped his eyes and mine and cupped my face, still chuckling.

“You think so little of yourself that you can’t see just how worthy you are,” he murmured, adoration and mirth mingling in his eyes as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I furrowed my brow and pressed my face into his palm, relishing the cooling sensation of calm that his skin brought.

“I know what it’s like to feel how you do,” Henry went on softly, “To feel unwanted and undeserving. But I’m not going to walk away from a flower as strong, as rare, and as beautiful as you just because she’s got a few bruises. I love you just the way you are.”

His admonition shocked the both of us. He loves me? I tried to process what he’d just said, but my mind was raw and I couldn’t think straight. He loves me.

“Yes, I love you,” Henry repeated as though he could read my thoughts, clasping my jaw and looking me straight in the eye. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere… I’m not going to leave you.”

I smiled widely as tears spilt over once more, happiness bursting from my heart. With anyone else I’d be doubtful, I’d have hightailed it on my own after a proclamation like that before the other shoe dropped... before they could hurt me worse. But this wasn’t anyone else, this was Henry. And being with him made me brave, which is why I found words leaving my lips that I never thought I’d ever say again.

“I love you, too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#henry cavill #henry cavill fic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill rpf #angst #fluff #birthday fic #littlefreya

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imagine-your-love-story · 3 years

Note

For the anon who's a minor currently,,,,

I was in the same situation. A character I fell for way before I knew of self shipping when I was 15 - he was also merely 15.

And for me he didn't grow up. I lost touch with him time and time again, yet I'd sometimes go back to him out of the blue. Despite me hitting adulthood, he gave me the comfort I needed sometimes. My brain still feels and thinks the same as back then when I was 15. For me personally it's odd that people restrict F/O's based on age, because for us who started self ship when we were minors - our faves might not always grow up. And we still feel just as safe with them.

As long as you're not harming anyone and just have the sweet moments for yourself to cheer up, don't worry about this. You'll see whether you "grow out" or your F/O or not. And either way, it's no one's business to judge that without knowing the background.

This is a great response! Thank you so much for sharing!

Your comments bring up another thought that I'd like to point out (and wow I got long winded :P )

For some people, they have unresolved trauma of some kind, especially originating in childhood. This trauma can be anything - social rejection, emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect, etc.

In order to cope with this trauma, you practice a process called "healing the inner child". Essentially, this is parenting yourself and giving yourself the support you sought in childhood but never received.

For some people, they might see themselves in these young characters. And it's really, REALLY important that you DON'T just cut them off when you are no longer a minor if you are not ready to let them go.

Why?

Because those young characters bring comfort and support to you. They make you feel seen and understood in a way that no one else offered to you, no matter how much you might have desperately needed it.

This kind of emotional and psychological support is absolutely 100000% crucial to feeling confident and strong and capable no matter what age you are.

Healing your inner child often encourages people to speak to themselves in a way that they should have received as a child. It's important to validate those feelings in order to make you feel more prepared and capable in adulthood.

For example, my mother was very critical when I was growing up. At a very young age, I was saddled with immense adult responsibility. My mother did not ever say, "I'm proud of you" for anything. Instead, she said things like, "Wow, you're really full of yourself when you accomplish something, aren't you?"

So as an adult, I have to learn how to re-parent myself. When I accomplish something, I tell myself, "I'm proud of you."

Recently, I bought a stuffed animal because I was always made to feel that they were childish and immature. I was taught a lot of shame as a child. So I have to re-learn my childhood and re-build it myself, doing traditionally childhood things in order to re-create the experience and unlearn that shame.

That's why I ALWAYS recommend people still maintain a connection with those underage characters because those characters represent comfort for you that you still need. Cutting them off can create anxiety and shame and those are negative feelings that can hurt you in the long run.

Fictional characters represent something that resonates with you. You feel safe with them. You feel understood with them. You feel a level of comfort with them that staves off stress. You feel loved and maybe even powerful.

Don't cut off something that makes you feel that way! Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you have to immediately throw out what brings you comfort and happiness when *some random person on the internet* insists "that's only for children! you're disgusting!"

(you're not disgusting)

Obviously, this has absolutely nothing with encouraging adult x minor ships. This is about validation, comfort, and empowering you to be kind to yourself and protect the things that make you feel safe and loved.

When you feel ready, you will know that you are no longer interested in any given character. But it has literally nothing to do with turning a certain age. Be gentle with yourself and release your f/os if/when you're ready and you alone will know when that is.

Yes, chances are, someone will shame you about this. I've received several messages over the last 24 hours, full of venom and vitriol, accusing me of being garbage for promoting adult x minor ships, which I'm clearly not doing.

You do not need to respond to or engage with people like this.

If someone is actually, genuinely concerned about your behavior, there is a way to bring it up in a respectful manner without blaming or making you feel like a bad person (you're not, you might need support, maybe, but that does not make you a bad person).

But anyone who flings accusations and shame and anger, those are emotions coming from a place that needs healing.

That is their problem to deal with. Not yours. You do not need to respond because it actually has nothing to do with you.

So please nurture your favorite character for as long as you want to! ♥ And if you ever feel confused, hurt, exhausted, angry, or just overall unsure of anything, please feel free to DM me and I would love to chat! ♥

#asks #anonymous #penny chats

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draconic-ichor · 3 years

Text

In the Steel Steeds Heart

Chapter 14: Dinner as a Family: Part 2

Warnings: blood, strong language, sexual themes, nipple play, penetrative sex

Summary: Miranda finally makes it known why Juniper’s place at dinner was important

Feedback appreciated. 18+

When the main course was served the maids brought out plates with cuts of red meat and delicate steamed vegetables.

Juniper cut into the meat, seeing blood ooze under her knife. Calling it rare was reaching.

In the past meat like this would have turned poor Juniper’s stomach. But now, with a monster waiting in her belly, the smell mixed with the thick wine made her mouth water.

She took a large bite, eagerly starting to cut a second as she chewed.

Her enthusiasm took the rest of the table off guard. Heisenberg’s jaw tightened worriedly.

“Enjoy it, Dear?” Alicina smiled smugly.

Juniper nodded, her pupils dilated ever so slightly.

The meal went by with little talk, the table feeling tight. Heisenberg did little more than pick at his food, eating around the more well-done edges of the meat and filling up on bread.

Juniper felt a type of hunger she couldn’t describe, finishing her plate and a second glass of wine.

She glanced around the table: Angie was speaking to Donna, both nodding and deep in the conversation. Moraue was having a time of trying to cut his meat, resorting to just shoving the whole piece into his widened mouth. Lady Dimitrescu was trying to be delicate with her silverware, something her large hands made very difficult. And lastly, Miranda took small bites, eyes always moving.

Juniper’s face felt hot, licking her teeth. She stood from the table, stiffening a bit when she felt multiple eyes follow her. Heisenberg looked at her questioningly.

“Just…need to visit the bathroom.” She mumbled awkwardly.

Lady Dimitrescu raised her head, snapping her finger once. A maid quickly came into the hall.

“Show dear Juniper to the guest bath.” She instructed.

The maid bowed, turning to Juniper, “This way m’lady.”

Excusing herself, Juniper quickly followed the girl.

Heisenberg frowned down at his plate, pushing it away slightly.

“You seem very taken with her.” Miranda observed, peering over the top of her wine glass.

When Heisenberg didn’t respond she continued, “It’s a good thing, you’ve never gotten along well with your other siblings.”

Her words turned his stomach. “Juniper isn’t a Lord.” He reminded her, keeping his voice even.

“Ah, but that is one of the reasons I asked you here.” She smiled.

He looked at her curiously, worry rimming his eyes.

“I think our little Juniper could grow into Lordship, in time.” Mother Miranda nodded, taking a long sip from her glass, “She just needs to nurture her abilities.”

She wanted Juniper to become a lord?

Heisenberg frowned, “And what do you have in mind?”

“Always impatient.” Her eyes narrowed, “I want you to take her on the hunt.”

“Why?” He spoke too quickly, earning him a scolding look.

“Now, Heisenberg, you can’t expect to keep her holed up in that dump of a factory forever now, can you?” Lady Dimitrescu commented.

Before he could bark back Miranda confirmed, “I think her unique abilities will be suited perfectly for the task.”

Heisenberg remembered her mutated form and it’s resemblance to the varcolacs, wondering how much about Juniper’s powers she knew about.

“She isn’t ready.” He tried to argue.

“This isn’t up for debate.” Miranda’s voice commanding, “Think of it as a test, to really see her powers.”

Heisenberg nodded, worry curdling his gut.

Juniper washed her hands in the large marble sink. Still feeling flushed, she splashed cold water onto her face. She looked up, eyes catching her own gaze in the gilded mirror.

Her breath stuck fast in her throat, heartbeat quickening.

Her reflection looked wrong, the longer she looked the more it twisted before her: her eyes were dark and blown out, almost wild, her jaw was extended, fangs peeking out.

She took a shaking breath seeing more eyes open along her forehead.

Juniper reached up a shaking hand, feeling along her face, smooth skin greeted her fingertips. She blinked, the image gone.

She looked at herself again, flushed and fearful, but it was her.

She touched the surface, sucking in a shaking breath.

What was hidden just beneath her skin?

Juniper returned to the table, looking slightly pale.

“You alright?” Heisenberg asked, concern rimming his eyes.

“I’m fine.” She lied, taking her seat. He didn’t look convinced but relented for the time being.

For dessert they were all served their own savarină cake. It was small and golden colored, soaked in rum, filled with sweet cream and topped with blueberry jelly.

Juniper looked up to see Angie giving little grabby hands to her keeper. Donna cut her cake in half, offering one side to Angie. Juniper couldn’t help her lips twitch, as Angie squealed with glee.

Ever a fan of sweets, and seeing this as the most edible thing they were served other than the bread, Heisenberg ate his in a few swift bites.

He glanced over to find Juniper doing little more than pick at the cake.

“You sure you’re ok, Doll?” He pressed in a little more than a whisper.

“I…may have drank too much wine.”

“Hmm.”

“Would you like my dessert? I don’t think I can manage it.”

He perked up almost excitedly. They exchanged plates: Juniper taking his clean one and him her serving. The second cake didn’t fare much better, or longer for that matter.

Once dessert was finished and the maids cleared away the plates, Miranda stood.

“Thank you again, all my dear children.” She nodded to them each, “I trust everyone will play their part during the Hunt?”

The table murmured a yes, Heisenberg unable to meet her eyes.

“Good, then I will take my leave.” She spoke swiftly. Before she could make it to the door Lady Dimitrescu stood to follow, wanting to show Miranda a few last minute things.

“Well…not eat and run.” Heisenberg stretched before standing, “But I hate this fucking castle.”

He leaned against his hammer as Juniper said her goodbyes.

Donna gave her a sweet little wave, Angie practically screamed a heartfelt goodbye, and Moraue thanked her again for her kindness.

Finding their way back to the entryway, Juniper made a sound of realization.

“Oh! My coat!” She suddenly looked worried.

“Where’d you leave it, Buttercup?” Heisenberg sat his hammer down as he spoke.

Thinking for a moment she snapped her finger, “It’s in the changing room, with my old dress.”

“Let’s go get it.” Heisenberg started to stride away, picking his hammer up. Juniper rushed to keep up.

They retraced their steps, finding the changing room rather quickly. Juniper went in, relieved to find her clothing still folded just where she’d left it. Turning around, she almost jumped,e seeing Heisenberg standing behind her.

“You’re not supposed to be in here.” Juniper hissed.

“I don’t give a fuck.” He chuckled looking into a wardrobe, “You think the mega bitch keeps her fancy ass hats in here?”

Juniper pulled on his arm, “Lets go.”

“Ah!” Heisenberg straightened, holding a black lace veil, “Not a hat but one of the girls frilly shit.”

He draped the fabric over his hat, pulling it down around his head, like a babushka.

“Look good Doll?” His lips curled in a shit eating grin.

“Heis…” Juniper tried to stifle a giggle to not encourage him.

“What else do you think is in here?” He rummaged in the wardrobe again, “Think there's a sexy little dress for me?”

“Sexy?” Juniper smirked.

He looked back at her, “Hell yea. That dress makes me want to take you right here.”

Juniper flushed.

Seeing her reaction he pulled the veil away, tossing it to the floor and pulling Juniper to his chest. Looking down through her chest window he licked his dry lips.

“How about we go find an empty room and get you out of that little number for a while, hm?”

The thought of Heisenberg taking her within the home of his least favorite person made a small shiver of excitement run down her spine.

“Only if we’re careful…and fast.” She gulped.

Smiling roguishly, “Well be gone before anyone notices.”

After opening several doors and racing quietly down the halls, they finally discovered a free bedroom. It was opulent, as were most rooms in the castle, but had the stale air of dust. It felt safe and far enough away from the night's festivities to serve them well.

Heisenberg walked in whistling, “Damn, swanky!”

Juniper went in more timidly, closing and locking the door. Heisenberg turned and looked her over. “Aw, you look so shy, kitten.” He smirked.

She shot him a look.

“I’m just worried.”

“Why?”

“The…sisters.”

“You worried about the bugs?” He smirked, looking towards the large windows. His eyes narrowed for a moment as the handle rattled open, the window burst open with an icy breeze.

“There,” he soothed, “No bugs will bother us now.”

He slipped his hand into the chest window of her dress, fondling her breasts. Juniper mewled, feeling him lightly tug at her piercings.

“Careful” her words were a whisper.

Heisenberg kissed down her neck, finding her sweet spot and biting down. She gasped, feeling warmth bloom between her legs.

He lathed his tongue over the mark, groaning out slightly. She felt him take a fistful of the dress, pulling out of his grip. He gave her a warning look, pale eyes narrow.

“Don’t rip this dress!” She hissed. He had nearly closed the distance to do just that, but halted when he saw her gather up the material and pull it over her head.

Her skin prickled in the cold air, she tossed the clothing away, falling back against the fancy bed in only her boots.

“You didn’t wear any panties?” Heisenberg’s face split wolfishly, more blood rushing to his cock.

“I knew you couldn’t be a good boy all night.” She rubbed her thighs together, “Now get over here before we get caught.”

Ever wanting to please her, he instantly complied, unzipping his pants and letting his belt fall free as he closed the distance.

His skin was hot and welcoming as he pressed down onto her, crashing his lips into her own.

Juniper’s hand drifted to his chest. His piercing had long since fully healed, not needing as much time as normal humans.

She purred mischievously as she tugged on his nipple, rolling the metal between her fingers.

He hissed out, pulling away to darkly chuckle, “Oh honey, now is not the time.”

She gave it another tug, “What do you always say to me?” She tried to mimic his voice the best she could, it was a poor imitation still, “Sing for me!”

He pulled away with a huff. Before she could react he flipped her over, pushing her face into the bed. Juniper mewled, raising her hips.

Heisenberg loved to see her in just her work boots and nothing more.

He eagerly pushed into her, earning a moan to slip past her pretty lips. She was already wet and dripping around his cock. He bent over her, stomach pressed into her back, hot scar flush against his chest.

He felt her trapped legs tremble as he fucked her open on the expensive furniture. He reached a hand around her, rubbing circles into her clit as he kept a face pace. Seeing her in that revealing dress and dealing with his shitty ‘family’ had him on edge, and he was ready to blow off some steam.

It didn’t take her long to become a whimpering mess under him. He felt her cunt clench, liquid squirting out around his cock. Juniper cried out, clawing at the sheets.

Heisenberg pumped into her roughly, loving the mess they were making. He brought his hands to her hips, forcing her back into him.

He pulled out, pumping his fist down his sensitive cock, turning enough to splatter his load over the expensive bed sheets.

“Oops.” He smirked, a cocky look over his face.

“Karl?!” Juniper’s cheeks reddened, “We’ll get in trouble.”

“We better get going then.” Heisenberg chuckled, pulling his pants back on.

Juniper struggled to redress quickly, worry thick on her face. She felt like a guilty teenager.

After she had her coat back on and her hair smoothed down she looked up to Heisenberg.

He was sitting on the window sill, one leg already hiked over to the outside.

“What are you doing??” Juniper hissed.

“Uh…?” he looked down at himself showily, “I’m going out the window, Doll.”

“Yea, why?”

“I’m not going out the front fucking door.” He smiled toothily, “Gotta keep our little lay a secret right? Keep them guessing.”

“Heisenberg.” She folded her arms, fixing him with a hard gaze, “You and Moreau are the only two in this whole castle with a penis. I think they’ll know who came all over their guest room.”

“Aw, give the fish freak a break.” Heisenberg put his other leg out the window, “The maids are probably cock hungry enough to give him a ride.”

“Karl!” Juniper scolded, padding up to the window.

She looked down, realizing they were on the second story. She gulped.

Seeing her fear Heisenberg soothed, “Don’t worry, buttercup.” He offered her his hammer, “Just hang on and I’ll set you down all nice and easy.”

She bit her lip, reaching out a trembling hand, fingers wrapping around the cold metal.

“Hold tight.” He warned. She complied, swinging her legs over to the outside. The wind bit her skin, the hammer in her hands floating before her. It felt unmoving in her grasp, steady and unwavering. She tried to brace herself.

She closed her eyes, nodding and pushing away from the sill.

“Good girl.” Heisenberg smiled, her trust in him making his heart swell.

He concentrated on lowering her as easily and carefully as he could. She kept her eyes shut tight, arms beginning to ache from supporting her weight.

Sooner than she expected her boots met the frozen earth, sending a surprising jolt though her.

Juniper let go, the hammer staying in place for a moment before snapping back into Heisenberg’s hand. He came down next, much quicker and without the caution he used for her.

As soon as his boots met the ground, he hooked his arm around Juniper’s.

His face was alight with glee as he started off into the night.

“Come on!” He laughed, “Let’s get out of here.”

She kept pace with him, the adrenaline and his mirth causing her to join in with the laughter.

#resident evil village #karl heisenberg #heisenberg x oc #re8 oc #heisenberg #in the steel steeds heart #heisenberg smut #resident evil #Heisenberg fic

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mytrashcanlife · 3 years

Text

Ashes to Ashes Jasper x Reader Part 1

It was an accident. A mistake. But Carlisle couldn’t just leave her there.

Two parents had been lost to a house fire, leaving a little girl to walk the streets looking for help. Once the proper authorities had been notified and the fire was put out, a social worker arrived at the scene to find the child, shaking and crying, with the town doctor Carlisle Cullen. The girl appeared to be fine, she was a little bruised up with a few scratches here and there, but she didn’t appear to have any burns. The social worker recognized the doctor and asked a simple enough question,

“Hey, aren’t you a foster parent? You already have the three teens right?”

Carlisle couldn’t blow their cover, so he said, “yes that’s correct.”

“Look I’m going to be honest with you, we’ve got more kids than workers and definitely more kids than parents, it’s going to take a bit before we can find her a new home. Would you be alright with holding onto her just until we can find her somewhere else to go? It would be a big help. It should only be a couple of days. Is that alright?””

Carlisle looked at the girl, wrapped in a safety blanket with tears in her eyes. She’d been through enough. Spending god knows how long at a police or fire station to be sent to who knows where to endure who knows what else wasn’t going to help her. At least he knew she’d be safe with him and his family until she could be placed somewhere else.

“Of course. Do I need to sign anything?”

“No, I’ll put it in the file system when I get to the office tomorrow. Thank you so much”

The two of them walked over to the child. She looks up at them with recognition. Everyone here knew each other, and she recognize them even if she didn’t truly know them.

“Hi what’s your name sweetie?”

“(y/n).”

“Okay (y/n) well this is Dr. Cullen, and he’s going to take you home with him until we can find you a family member or someone else to live with okay?”

“Yes ma’am. Hi Dr. Cullen.”

“Please call me Carlisle. You ready to go?”

“yeah I guess so”

To say that the others were confused would be one hell of an understatement. Esme and Rosalie recognized the look of trauma on her face and knew immediately that something was wrong. Their nurturing instincts allowed the child to adjust to the new environment a bit easier. Once the girl was calmed down fed and sleeping in the spare bedroom, all hell broke loose downstairs. Edward was not happy about this situation.

“Let me get this straight. You adopted a human child?”

“No Edward I did not. I’m not stupid. Her parents just died, and the system is a mess. We are just housing her until they find somewhere else to put her.”

“How long will that take? We leave in three weeks.”

“She probably has an aunt or a grandparent, or someone to take her. The social worker said it should only be a few days.”

Rosalie finally cuts in “Edward relax. The girl’s been through hell. She just needs a place to stay for a bit and acting like she is a burden is not going to help her. Besides it’s only temporary.”

“Exactly, only temporary.” Right?

Wrong. What they didn’t know was that the social worker never filed the case, nobody was notified and when it came time to move again she was just getting comfortable around the family. She was another child lost to the system. A mistake, but after all the girl had been through and how happy she made Rosalie and Esme, he couldn’t just leave her behind.

So that’s how you ended up with the Cullen family at 4 years old moving for what will certainly not be the last time. We’ll call it a happy accident. There was one big rule though that nobody was allowed to break: Nobody tell her.

This wasn’t actually the easiest rule to abide by because children are curious, and they say things they shouldn’t. The best example being that you noticed that your family’s eyes were all gold, but not yours. Your eyes are (e/c). Normal enough but not in your family. When asked Carlisle states that the eye color is a genetic defect and you don’t have it because you were adopted. You accepted this and many other explanations for strange occurrences in your house.

When you were around five the Volturi caught wind of your existence and to put it lightly they were not happy. They thought you were either an immortal child or at the very least you knew what they are and that means the Cullen family broke rule number one. Carlisle heard they were coming and had to call a family meeting. Edward sounded calmer than he really was.

“why do they even care about her? she’s a child! Do they think we turned her?”

“I don’t know why their coming, but they are an we need to put their mind at ease. We have nothing to fear Edward. We didn’t do anything wrong.” Rosalie joins in the conversation, voice laced with concern.

“I don’t know Carlisle, Edward’s right. Even if we didn’t do anything they don’t know that. We might be in big trouble”

“Who’s in trouble?” The family looks over to see (y/n) standing in the doorway to the living room. Esme takes care of this one.

“Nobody is in trouble dear. We just have some people coming over soon and we want to make sure they don’t think we broke any rules.”

“Who’s coming over?”

“Some extended family.”

“Do I get to meet them?” Esme looks at Carlisle for help. Edward tries to answer but Carlisle cuts him off

“absolutely n—"

“Yes, you do. Don’t worry dear everything is fine. Go back to bed”

“Okay. Goodnight”

They all say their goodnights and you go back upstairs to bed.

“How did none of us notice her?”

“We were too busy fighting, now Edward stop panicking it’s going to be fine”

“You’re going to get her, if not all of us killed.”

A few days later they did arrive. You met them in a field a few miles away from the house. They looked at you in confusion. Aro turned to Carlisle who stood far closer than normal to prevent (y/n) from overhearing any part of their conversation.

“She’s completely human.?”

“Yes. We ended up with her by accident she doesn’t know anything, and she doesn’t need to know anything. She’s perfectly normal and I would like to keep it that way.”

Jane cuts in, “How do explain us being here?”

“She thinks you’re extended family. Any question she’s had about appearances so far I’ve convinced her is nothing more than genetic defect. Eventually we’ll have to leave her but she’s a child with literally nowhere else to go.”

“Bring her here.” Carlisle looked back at you on Emmet’s shoulders laughing and hesitates. “We just want to speak with her. Bring her here and stand down.”

“(y/n), This is uncle Aro he and the others want to talk to you is that okay? I’ll be over there with the family if you need anything.”

“Okay.” You hop off Emmet’s Shoulders and run over to these new family members. “Hi. My name is (y/n) and I’m five. I’m adopted, but that’s okay cause my family loves me. You’re Uncle Aro right?”

“Yes dear.” You turn to Jane with a look of awe.

“What’s your name?”

“My name is Jane.”

“Hi Jane. You’re pretty.” Jane smiles slightly.

“Thank you.”

You turn back to Aro. “Carlisle said that you think he did something wrong, but he didn’t do anything. I promise. The whole family is really nice to me, and they would never hurt me. One time a boy pulled my hair and Emmet gave him a look so mean he ran away. I promise they didn’t do anything, and Carlisle said that if I shook your hand that you would know I wasn’t lying.” You hold your hand out and Aro takes it. He seems dazed for a moment before looking back down at you smiling.

“I believe you. How about you go back over to your family and send Carlisle back over here okay?”

“Okay.” You bound back over to your family and tell Carlisle to go back over to uncle Aro.

“So? What’s the decision?”

“She lives. But we’ll be visiting her every year to make sure she’s oblivious. Let’s see how long you can keep up this façade.”

“You know you can’t keep this up for her entire life Carlisle. Eventually she’ll have questions you can’t answer. She’ll either turn or she’ll die.”

“She will do neither Jane.”

“Suit yourself, but you know the rules. Don’t break them.”

“We will return this time next year. Be ready.”

“I will. Thank you. Goodbye.” Carlisle turns around to find you on the ground making a flower crown while Rosalie was braiding your hair. “(y/n) come say by to your cousins and uncle.”

“Okay.”

Given the circumstances you grow up pretty normal. You make friends in your classes while you’re at each school for a few years before the family comes up with some strange reason as to why you have to move. You’re bubbly and happy and appreciate the inherent sanctity of human life. You take up sewing as a hobby, learning it from Esme who enjoyed nothing more than teaching you. You tried to join sports like cheerleading but with all the moving team sports didn't work. Emmet however did take you rock climbing consistently so there was that outlet for all your energy. You even enjoy your yearly visits from the “other side of the family.” Making small gifts for them each time they visit. At one point you even asked if you could go visit them instead since they live in Italy, but Carlisle said no in such a way you knew better than to ask again. Jane begins to return the gifts you make with her own, sometimes bringing small trinkets or even clothing for you. Carlisle is surprised when you tell them his decision, and Jane actually looks disappointed that you can't visit them. For two more towns and 12 more years everything is great. Until It was time to move again this time to somewhere Carlisle liked to call home: Forks Washington.

#jasper #jasper cullen #jasper cullen x reader #fanfiction #this took forever #twilight #twilight fanfiction #twilight renascence

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