#someone please fucking kill me

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

#talk tag #IT KILLS ME. REIGEN IS NOT MOB'S DAD. HE HAS A DAD. INGO IS NOT AKARI'S DAD. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN ANYONE HEAR ME #(not even necessarily to say that ingo is in his late 20s but still) #(even if he was a 30-40-50 year old no matter how old he is no fucking teenager is gonna call some guy they met as a 15 year old ''dad'') #GAI IS NOT A FATHER FIGURE TO ROCK LEE HE WAS LIKE 13 WHEN HE WAS BORN! PLEASE!!!!!!!! #one time i saw that a ​person wrote a fic where mario was like a father figure to luigi. #they are TWIN BROTHERS. #not what this about but idk where else i can say anything about this. #just horrible #also sometimes someone is just An Older Friend like no familial relationship just a friend or acquaintance who is a lot older than you

[lost-my-way-there]

I'm someone who reads fanfics and daydream all the time to escape reality where everything is— literally everything is shit. I wish you'd rather kill me, I wouldn't put up a fight

#chronic pain #someone please fucking kill me

[samwisefamgee]

family sucks :)

#they literally want me dead #and have for over a decade #but wont let me leave #and force me to do their work for all these years #just to still want me dead ASAP #sooner the better #i seriously fucked up my back literally stretching in my chair yesterday #and i cant see anyone about it #and i cant even leave this cat shit filled basement without being forced to pour and move concrete for 2 hours #if i suffer a permanent physical damage from anything here im killing them and then myself #stalked every second of every day if im not free labor im a fucking psychological punching bag for the drunk who ruined my already shit lif #someone please fucking kill me #i dont have cash or the mental or physical help to get my life together & the only family i can depend on wants my work & then wants me dea #i cant even move (literally make a sound at all!!!!) without him hearing and getting up to pace around looking in doors and windows for me #eventually he just drops the charade and comes in to tell me to work #if he isnt drunk already or busy fucking up someone elses day (best case scenario only time im safe to be left alone) #almost 25 and being here reduces me to a neurotic freak just to avoid these people and their bullshit #and GOD FORBID i get caught not having a shitty time during this period or i will be bitched at for not working 25/8 #i just eant my fucking life together. i was so FUCKING CLOSE right before the pandemic i had a JOB i was gonna move in with people who dont #hate me or want me dead or anything insane #and then it aaaaall just haaaad to go to shit huh #im just tired #ive been tired #and i will never get real rest here unless im alone #and even then i dread when im not

[notwalterwhite]

nothing like a panic attack at 4am, love being a girlboss

#someone please fucking kill me #rambles

[phddyke]

All credit for this joke goes to my fiancé, @raineseda .

#she doesn’t even watch the show btw #they just worked out that this is their dynamic #it’s so funny too like vox ur barking up the wrong tree buddy #hazbin hotel #alastor #vox #hazbin alastor #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel vox #radio killed the video star #hellaverse #vivziepop #you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid #please if someone can draw. draw this 🙏🏻

[spacedace]

“Hey, I need to get married for bullshit Infinite Realms reasons, you two in?”

“Tt, of course.”

“Sure thing! Do we need to get going for that like, right now? Or later?”

“Eh, like in a couple of hours? The Observants are demanding some Royal Ball or something and they pulled out some stupid old laws out of their collective asses that if I’m not married by the time it starts they can assign me spouses of their choosing, can you fucking believe that shit?”

“Woah, what the hell? Can they even do that?”

“I was under the impression they were only permitted to observe.”

“Right? It’s total crap, but apparently there’s like this super old law on the books and they didn’t bring it up until now when there’s like no time left to try and force me to marry someone they pick.”

“They are training to gain influence over you?”

“Eh, more like they’re trying to get control of my Dad by way of me. But still fucked as hell.”

“So why do you need to marry both of us? Or do you just need to marry one of us and we should play rock paper scissor for it?”

“Technically I only need to marry one of you, but I don’t want them pulling out any loopholes or something. So, it’d be great if one of you could be my consort for my role as Queen of Mirrors, and one could be my consort for my role as Crown Princess. You two can figure who’s who on that all that, I’m good with whatever.”

“Oooh, can I be consort for the Mirror Court? I can annoy Kon more that way.”

“I am amenable to that. Grandfather will have a fit when he learns that I can cut his access to the Pits off at my discretion and there’s nothing he can do about it.”

“Awesome, okay are you two good for meeting up at like, three? We can pop over to my Lair and get everything sorted out there.”

“Works for me, my only class til this afternoon is at one and the professor already said we’re cutting out early because she has to go out of town this weekend.”

“Four would be more agreeable if possible, I have to take Titus to the vet for his checkup.”

“Okay let’s aim for four then. It’s just signing some paperwork, making some quick blood-slash-ectoplasm pacts and swearing a couple binding oaths… Should only take like five or ten minutes?”

“They’re not gonna make you have a huge royal wedding or anything?”

“Nah. Dad keeps things pretty chill so as long as the paperwork is all in order we’ll be good. Though once Auntie Dorathea finds out she’s absolutely gonna make us have one. She loves planning weddings. Swear its what she makes her hoard out of somehow.”

“So long as we have a say in some of the proceedings I have no issue with that eventuality.”

“Same, it sounds like it’d be a fun way to annoy the Observants even more.”

“Don’t for get all the weirdos trying to be my suitors and all that bullshit.”

“We have an accord then. We can reconvene at the usual place.”

“Awesome, you two are the best! I gotta jet and let everyone know and get the ball rolling on the paperwork stuff. See you guys at four!”

With that, Nomad - Stella Phantom, Crown Princess of the Infinite Realms, Queen of Mirrors, Core of the Speedforce and ghostly hero of the Titans and the Justice League - tore a rip in the fabric of space and time and darted out of the room the same way she came. Through the mind-bending tear in reality the eerie, eye-searing green of the Infinite Realms glowed in all its unsettling glory, Phantom Keep a glittering expanse of night sky made solid in the distance.

Jon waved at her cheerfully as Damian gave a nod of farewell before both silently turned their attention back to their respective tablets as the portal closed behind their friend and teammate and the glimpse of the Ghost Zone disappeared again. Completely unbothered by the conversation just held or the life changing implications that came with them.

Jon was humming as he tapped away at something on the screen before him, Damian propping his head up on his fist in vague boredom as he frowned down at the information he was reading.

The rest of the room Nomad had left behind was caught in a frozen, stunned silence in the wake of the baffling conversation they’d all just been witness to. All eyes in the room darted between Flamebird and Pheonix seated calmly at the end of the table, then to the space where Nomad had disappeared to, back to the young men, and then towards the head of the table where Superman and Batman sat looking bewildered and a bit on the verge of heart attacks.

The short status update meeting was about to become much, much longer it seemed.

Though a lot more entertaining.

#dpxdc #dani phantom #danielle phantom #elle phantom #jon kent #jon el kent #damian wayne #justice league #super serious chaos #possible platonic super serious chaos it's up to yall #clones are called mirrorborn in the infinite realms #elle is the ancient of the speedforce #Dani Phantom is the Ancient of the Speedforce #I will make this happen if it kills me please someone else write something for this I'm going feral #impulsively marrying your friends to fuck with some of the most powerful entities in existence is a fun pass time everyone should try #their friends and family are exactly as unhinged as these three - sometimes even *More* unhinged - and can't say shit about it #so many justice league members are torn between sobbing because 'This was going to be a short meeting for once!' 😭 #and being SO EXCITED because the chaos that is about to break out in this meeting room is going to be SO GOOD #There is so much tea that is going to be spilled at the cafeteria after this

[crowskullls]

Zam wants to be ♠️ with Minute SOOOOO bad. And Minute has no idea why. He’s so confused by it. Reluctant and honestly pretty tame Kismesissitude

#princetech #I think about them so much #LS sundial you are everything to me #Kings sundial I miss you but ohhh pairings where they just beat each other up a lot is so good #Zam begging minute to fight him and minute is just SO baffled #Zam is so strange and Minute can’t even begin to understand #guy that likes getting beaten up and dying meets guy that doesn’t see the point of fighting without a proper reason #I hope they kill each other More #umm if the CCs see this hi! hey! what the fuck! #sorry for homestuck reference posting #unfortunate that they understand homestuck quadrants now #watching the Old Habits Die Hard vod finally #been so busy with work I haven’t been caught up fully #Zam expecting Minute to spawn trap his bed makes me feel insane #Zam laughing during this fight too. he’s so fucked up for that #reminds me of how Starfox used to be. Zam really needs to have SOMEONE to beat him up or else he loses his mind #but he’s already lost it so who’s really winning here? #okay enough rambling in the tags #need more people to post abt them. please please ple

[jestroer]

Can Scar please please please please team up with someone this week. Anyone. Please, I don't want the repetition of Last life. He is going to die alone again please

#im being dramatic but my god #please Scar's last life made me so sad #He can die whenewer he wants but there needs to be someone who would be really sad about it bro i can't do this again #please #the fact that he didn't team up with grian because oh his task is killing me HE DIDNT EVEN SUCCEED IN IT BRO WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS WORL #FUCK THIS GAY EARTH #shitpost #secret life smp #secret life spoilers #goodtimeswithscar #secret life #like please #Mr Goodtimes you need to be in a team in the death games you cant win it alone Mr Goodtimes pleASE #im having a moment

[varilien]

it doesn’t matter how heavy your cross to bear is; you can still smile!

#trigun #trigun fanart #trigun stampede #wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #screencap redraw #SAW WOOF. GOT DRUNK. MADE ART. BON APPETIT LMAO #extremely concerned about him why are your clothes so small sir explain yourself. someone feed this fishbone of a man #he did NOT have to fucking say this oh my god i already know it's gonna hurt so bad later. woof honey ur killing me #he looks sooooo skeevy and for why?? silly lil guy. lil bit unhinged. i love him he's silly. #AND MERYL SHE LOOKS SOOOOO GOOD OH MY GOD?? #milly sweetie i'm so sorry i'm so sorry you got replaced with DE NIRO FHDKJFHDKHFD #(gesturing vaguely but emphatically) i have a lot of feelings most of them pretty good actually idk what else to say lmao #mildly concerned woof is gonna turn out to be a kid purely because of the ill-fitting clothing and the LOLLIPOP #but that's just cuz i love him don't get it twisted i just want godo things for him and going through All That as NOT AN ADULT #is like. so sad actually it HURTS PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO HIM #okay that's all :) goodnight

[conchfritters]

last post complaining about genshin's writing for the month Anyway i think blorbofication happening in canon is the best way i could describe a lot of the problems i have with it ex. kaeya's relationship with diluc (or klee) is almost the only focus we get on him now, other than his brief appearance in the sumeru archon quest which was just saying his backstory basically with very little actual reaction or characterization on his part OR dainsleif's (also a problem i have in the albedo homunculus reveal in shadows amidst snowstorms). i haven't done his hangout because i. don't care enough to sit through an hour for each route with the quality of content hoyoverse puts out but looking at the ending options i feel like. they missed the opportunity to expand on things we already had for kaeya in favor of Oh he babysits klee! Oh albedo is here! Spend money to pull albedo!Venti cameo! What do you mean him and amber have a complicated dynamic. What do you mean he's apparently beloved by the elderly of mondstadt and the one who wraps up all the incidents there. What do you mean bennett trusts him as an omniscient big brother according to his official cn character profile. We made him talk to diluc again isn't that enough kaeya for you? and it sucks because kaeya feels like a rubik's cube with an onion's layers and like one of their best character personalities in content where he's actually kaeya and not just diluc's brother who is sad and also pretty! we never see anything about his relationship with jean, who he is the Most Trusted Aide of, or mondstadt at large! because every day we get closer to fanon kaeya being canon kaeya and it's just. You can have canon kaeya and fanon kaeya will follow but if fanon kaeya is at the forefront you're just immediately losing all that depth and it's going nowhere

#MAKE KAEYA MORE THAN A GUY WHO PLAYS TCG AND BABYSITS KLEE PLEASE I BEG YOU #he doesn't have to Stop playing tcg or babysitting klee even. i think that adds a lot to him actually. I just think pretending the rest of #him Isn't There is the problem #the reason for him being in sumeru is. Super flimsy to me #just because why is diluc having the knights supervise his wine deals #but i think the hangout routes of him acting in that play...ALSO feel very actual kaeya #from someone who's skimmed the dialogue for said hangout routes at least #acting in a whole play making a show then slipping away right at the applause #so those? yeah! but the mondstadt ones? Who cares #oh wow 2 seconds of jean lisa and albedo standing in a room. klee cameo. kaeya does So much for mondstadt we're Told #i would love to be Shown #remind me later to go on a whole tangent about how kaeya & collei's relationship Also got fucked over because holy shit #kaeya was going to Kill Her because he saw her as either a liar or a threat to mondstadt or Something #and then in the event i dont care enough about to remember the name of they have one interaction and its boring #seashell resonance #None of this is cohesive enough to be worth anything but i think about kaeya sometimes and remember that i'm also insane about him

[moghedien]

i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking

#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful #if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu' #I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL #ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS #PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER #i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair #its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted' #and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you #and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu #NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE #figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life #and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES #but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me) #knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me #and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily #like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them #and telling them they don't is beyond cruel

[the-aprilfools-bitch]

"what's in your pant-"

Blood.

#I'm in pain #someone come kill me pretty please #fools lament #fools saying shit #transgender #ftm #sobbing #fools being a dramatic fuck

[7finalgirl8]

бл больше ленцшира умоляю

🚬 🚬 🚬

"She's everything. He's just Brahms."

#HELL YEAH BARBIE LET'S GO KILL THOSE SORORITY GIRLS! #HAH MOM LOOK BRAHMS IS A TROPHY BOY #.... please someone stop me #my wife left me #I'm so fucking hate myself 🫠 #обратная связь ~ #my art #slashers #billy lenz #billy lenz 1974 #black christmas 1974 #black christmas #brahms heelshire #the boy #the boy 2016 #barbie #barbie movie #meme redraw #lenzshire

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i’ll pay someone to put me out of my misery

#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd #bpd shitposting #actually borderline #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd vent #stg i’m so fucking over this #someone PLEASE KILL ME #at this point i’m begging

[liamobrienlove]

Liam and Laura being siblings (∞)

#liam o'brien #laura bailey #his fucking cheeky grin sends me #that is a face of mischief #critical role #critical role gifs #my gifs #i'm killing someone queue please

[izukatz]

i hate horikoshi.

#every single time i hear that ‘put it all on the line for someone else’ i start crying #and then go back to the FUCKING manga and THAT SPECIFIC SPEECH BUBBLE is NEXT TO IZUKU. #BECAUSE KATSUKI BAKUGOU PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE FOR IZUKU MIDORIYA. #and reminder that horikoshi said his speech bubble placement is intentional HE WAS FUCKING FORESHADOWING. #i can’t. i c. i ca. #bkdk #bakudeku #kill me . please