#sometimes I do my own work

[whatkindofnameisella]

can you believe that we have fanfiction. that we have websites dedicated to fanfiction. that there is a place that you can go and read tens, hundreds, thousands and thousands of pieces of writing that strangers have made. people who are not "writers". people who come home at the end of the day and have feelings and say, i am going to put that into words. i am going to share those words. short, long, sweet, sad, horny, funny, wonderful words. we are all just human and we all love to make and remake and share that with others. can you believe that.

#ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #sometimes i can't even believe how much i myself have written. like i think i am not a writer. i am not doing enough. i do not write enough #and i look back and i have 34 (34!!) works on ao3 and reams of unpublished work on my computer and so long left to live. so i think #we will be okay. #writing

[somegrumpynerd]

When your ruthless henchmen have pack bonded and continually lie in a pile like kittens

#UTDR #UTMV #Bad Sanses #My Art #Finally got my art motivation back! Just in time to have one more day off and then back to work all week!! orz #But here's a lil silly doodle to celebrate anyways #I had Nightmare's dialogue in my head when I woke up this morning so I thought what the hell #Might as well draw the boys in a heap for funsies #Sometimes they do spread out and do their own thing #But usually at least once a day it's sit on each other o'clock

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[fortheloveofexy]

it's a pet peeve of mine when ppl frame Andrew as hating Aaron and being needlessly cruel to him... bc while yes, their relationship is fractured and strained, Andrew genuinely cares about his brother and wants the best for him, he just doesn't know how to show that in a normal way.

like he might not know how to express it in a healthy manner but Andrew LOVES Aaron, like he truly just wants Aaron to be healthy and safe. It's like, his whole Thing. Aaron is one of the most important people in his life. Andrew wants him around. He'd do anything to protect him.

I guarantee Andrew wants to be emotionally close to Aaron too, he just doesn't have the tools to do that and the thought of letting someone in terrifies him. He also has no concept of what a healthy sibling relationship looks like, so he has no frame of reference to work from.

#i love bickering twinyards as much as the next guy but sometimes ppl write andrew has if he thinks aaron is a waste of space #and that just isn't true #andrew values his brother #he wouldn't insist on keeping aaron close if he didn't #when ppl do this is just so obvious to me that they're using andrew as a mouthpiece for their own dislike of aaron #and like ok yeah you're entitled to not like a character i guess #but it's just so wildly out of character to me for andrew to treat aaron like shit for no reason beyond Being Cruel #like yeah andrew can be mean when he's feeling defensive or trying to make a point #and yeah he can treat people like shit if he's got a reason to justify it like Keeping People Safe #but he's not needlessly cruel to the people closest to him without cause #like neil says #everything andrew does #he does For A Reason #even neil isn't needlessly mean to aaron tbh #like he doesn't like aaron much at certain points but if he picks a fight with aaron it's never without cause #and he's genuinely happy for aaron when things work out with katelyn in the end #and he wants aaron to have a relationship with andrew as well! like it's important to neil that the twins have a healthy bond!! #anyway im getting off my soapbox now this is just something i was thinking about today a Lot #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court

[deafening-radio-silence]

I think that Dr. Christina "I was an excellent soldier" Raynor needs to deal with some personal things before she's anyone's therapist, because she strong-armed more of Bucky's autonomy away from him than Zemo did within the series.

#yeah man make amends for the shit that happened when you didn't even have control over your own thoughts #so she was giving him a way to “fix things” but that wasn't on him to do so #all she did was doubly reinforce what he already thinks - which is a justified but false and guilt-laden perception - about the situation #idk much about therapy but i don't think that they're sposed to do that. correct me if i'm wrong and then i'll go fight all therapists #bucky barnes #tfaws #alpine #my art #thank you for putting up with my drawings of a comic book character and his asshole cat lol #i had to put my dog down recently in a bad way and i can't rightfully get another house dog with my current work schedule #so i got a cat since they can handle being inside for the day and the shelter lady said she's super antisocial towards other cats #she's super antisocial towards me sometimes too but she sleeps on me at night and my house has never been cleaner #now that i have to vacuum cat fur and mind what i leave lying on the counter #i've never liked cats before but she's special i guess idk ain't everyone's cat special lol #anyway i'll stop using my tumblr blog as a blog now lol

[esprei]

🗣 ALL ABOARD!!! Calling all Emmet fans! 🗣 Starting July 1st, I will be hosting an Emmet appreciation month! Anyone is free to join! Each day will have its own prompt where you can use your creativity to help show some love for him - art/writing/etc! Feel free to use the tag #monthofemmet to share your submissions! I can't wait to see what everyone comes up with! Let’s have some fun celebrating our favorite smiling subway boss! And remember - everybody smile!

(Reblogs appreciated to help spread the word around!)

#submas #subway boss emmet #subway boss kudari #emmet #kudari #monthofemmet #i just wanna help celebrate my favorite subway boss #sometimes i feel he's a tad unappreciated you know you know #i'll be trying to do as many as i can of these #but like i say in the prompt list please don't feel like you have to do them all! #please work at your own pace if you're interested in joining ;w; #also posting this early so people have a chance to prepare if interested

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #it was a hard day today. #sometimes you just gotta cry for an hour about requiring significant assistance to do basic stuff that you don't actually have help with rn! #(my wife is working 6 12s at a job we had to move across the country for) #(which means 1 she is *exhausted* at *all* times and struggling to even meet her own needs) #(and 2 our other partner and all our family and friends are. multiple days away by car. so they can't come help.) #it's getting hard to even stick leftovers in the microwave for myself but no one else is able to cook for me. #it sucks. #(we're moving again in june because this was a 1-year position from the beginning) #(and the idea is for our other partner to move in with us which will help a lot) #(plus my wife should be switching to a reliably 5-day week at that time) #(but we don't know where we're going for another month and a half.) #(so we can't really do any groundwork or anything to make that happen.) #(and having zero agency other than sitting and waiting and getting worse alone Really Sucks!) #I guess this is a bit of a secret part two to yesterday's meducation lol #favorites

[uncanny-tranny]

My biggest piece of advice for folks who want to get into fitness would be: Do not follow fitness influencers (or do so very sparingly).

Please be very critical of what is being said when people talk about fitness. It's important that you learn how to exercise properly for your body, and to learn safety and harm reduction, and that isn't what I mean when I say not to follow influencers.

When you want to get into fitness, think about what piques your interest. Do you want to do cardio? Weightlifting? Yoga? Running? A mix of any of that (or none of these examples)? Think about what you think would spark interest and joy, and learn to do that fitness in a safe manner.

I think the biggest reason I even have a healthy relationship with fitness over food is because I haven't followed any fitness influencers, and out of all the ones I've seen, I would only follow one of them, maybe two. Out of all the ones I have seen, and there have been plenty. What I have done instead is research what I want to get into to make sure I am not accidentally harming my body, then, I think of my own goals and work toward them.

I'm sure this won't work for everybody, and that's okay. I wanted to make this post because I think there can be this pressure to "look fit" when you're into exercise and I think that can be a slippery slope.

#fitness #anti diet culture #honestly i'm grateful i didn't seek out fitness influencers of my own volition because i'm not sure if i would still be as motivated... #...to go to the gym if i had. what i personally think has saved my relationship with fitness is that this was deeply personal to me... #...so my ~fitness journey~ has been a very personal and private thing that i don't want altered... #...ABSOLUTELY i want to be safe about how i achieve my goals. but i am not changing the GOALS but the METHOD #i want to start running (maybe) so i have been researching how to run properly and that's about as far as i'll go #i just wanted to post this in case it makes somebody think about their *own* goals if they also want to do exercise #it's definitely complex because i can totally respect that some people follow fitness influencers for ideas and whatnot #so obviously this is just what works for *me* amd sometimes i HAVE gotten fotness ideas from these people

[icewindandboringhorror]

................ he 

#i feel like I posted this already but I also can't find it in any recent posts so... #......he #cats #EVEN if I did post it.. why not poast himb again? it's he #I'm like halfway through actually editing aforementioned costumes and stuff and i WANT to work on sculptures again and I have video #s and that worldbuilding slideshow and all of these things so hopefully like.. more usual stuff soon maybe.. to be posted #for now though yeah.. just cats #The end of the year is also when I panic about the passage of time and how little I've gotten done and how I will never actually be a #sucessful game maker slash author slash cat cafe owner slash set designer slash costume designer slash psychologist #who lives in like Scotland or somehting and also owns my own candle company or something ghbjhb #and will probably just be a mentally ill hermit recluse all my life who dies early of mysterious health issues with 5000 projects left #undone and blah blah the crushing weight of chronic illness and capitalism and so on and so forth #So then I scramble to get projects done to try and meet some goals but usually that means I scatter between projects #so it takes longer to finish all of them. Like instead of dedicating 8 hours to one thing and finishing it one sitting. I'll do 2 hours on #this then 2 hours on that then 2 hours on another things. so they all get done slower even though I'm still technically making progress on #them all. This is also a very poo poo pee pee stink brain way to work and is not like. the most efficent thing but it's just how my brain #organizes tasks sometimes lol #*** #(<ignore this its part of an OCD compulsion lol. anytime you see me type three asterisks I'm not bleeping out a curse word #it's just a Special Secret Foolish Thing I Have To Do At Specific Uncontrolable Times When Brain Says So gbjhhj) #ANYWAY... eeeee #Still haven't resolved my mystery chest injury though so being at te computer for too long is also kind of achey-inducing #Better get over it though because I have like 30+ hours of slideshow vidoe to edit hahaha hee hee hoo!!!!!

[mercisnm]

previously on @wordsbyarwen: Greek myth AU, the mages are gods and use avatars to appear to their followers, Tissaia is the lord of the Underworld and god of the dead, her Hades avatar vs the form she was born into

bonus Rita as Aphrodite

#nobody mentioned borzoi cerberus anywhere its just my own idea. tissaia and eldritch horror horse dogs are a Thing to me #sometimes i draw things #...what do i even tag this new au #greek myth au #tissaia de vries #margarita laux-antille #yes yes i just need an excuse to draw dudessaia again whats about it #honestly even when i give him muscles he's still that mix between depressed botany professor and slutty twink #troiings #gave us biscuit crumbs #like if you have a work persona. reblog if your work persona differs so much from your real person you change your goddamn gender for it #also #gent!tissaia #i guess

[brittlebutch]

the evolution of the operator symbol over the course of the series is so endlessly fascinating to me, because like. Alex came up with the symbol and only ever really used it on his hypergraphia papers, which we don't really see him do much (if at all) after season one

but Brian,, Brian uses that symbol constantly. It's basically a signature by the end of the series - he leaves it on Tim's medical records, and on the back of Alex's photo of Amy, and on the note he left for Jay about Benedict Hall - he even uses it in his final video to unveil his name - it's self-referential, but he doesn't ever really seem to use it to denote The Operator the way Alex did?

Like, to me it really does seem like he basically appropriated it. "This is the symbol you created for the thing that was hunting you, but now I'm the thing that's hunting you" - like, hh fuck dude, Looking At You

#N posts stuff #marble hornets #totheark #mh lb #i was thinking about this last night and just rewatched all of the totheark videos to check my own work lol #and like. even in the videos he uses it as a self-referential symbol #he uses it in Intermission - 'did you see me? i saw you' #he uses it in Reminder - 'do you remember me?' immediately followed by His footage of Jay at the antique store #he uses it in Decline - 'he will pay' denoting His revenge quest on Alex #sometimes there IS more ambiguity in its application - like in 'Inquiry' or 'memories' #where like maybe it could be denoting the effects of the operator's influence? but those are s2 and i'm Mostly talking about s3 #but i mean even in s1 the symbol shows up in the last frame of some videos like a signature/sign off #sorry brian is just so fascinating to me i want to study him like a beetle

[wellfine]

Can I take a wild swing at your Childhood friends AU?

I've had a few people reach out and ask if they can write stuff about that AU (or just straight up say they're going to take it without asking, haha..) so I'm gonna answer this one publicly as a blanket answer that's basically "yes"!

I don't own the concept of a childhood friends AU and I'm sure I'm not the first person to think about Usopp & Sanji meeting when they were young, so already I don't feel right telling people they can't take inspo from my AU. And also, I'd love to read more people's takes and interpretations on this AU and sanuso in general!

Sometimes I can be precious about my concepts in case I'd like to work them into my own comics/stories but I think this one is fair game! If you take direct inspiration from my work in your fic then I would appreciate credit/a link back, but like I said, I can't really claim ownership over such a broad concept.

Let me know if you publish it though so I can read it!

#SanUso #in general I am usually happy for people to write fic based on/inspired by my work but I do appreciate being asked #I know I don't own these characters etc but it does frustrate me sometimes to see writers- #-treat other fan works as free real estate up for grabs instead of an already-existing narrative exploration in its own right #we all take inspiration from each other so the line can be hard to draw but sometimes I feel like I'm not even seen- #-as a human being or as a fellow creator but just as a random prompt generator for their personal use #and that people are doing me a favour by Elevating my simple pictures to the written word haha #but if you don't do that we're all good!

[puppyeared]

Jitterbug

#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it #and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago #bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o) #well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall #im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot #i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing???? #i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T #because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks #at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better #its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh #in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats #mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year #i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o) #THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o( #yapping #my art #myart #doodles #personal #diary

[idolomantises]

there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities

#txt #was watching supereyepatchwolf's video on chainsaw man again and listening to fujimoto express regret about things he didnt learn #and how he's clearly envious of his peers is so... comforting? #i think about my own strengths and flaws and often times i get so frustrated with my shortcomings #im not good at drawing feet; my backgrounds are purposefully simplistic and lack a lot of detail; sometimes my designs have a tendency to #overlap or feel very 'safe' in terms of what i really want to do #its why; despite my love for clowning on media and animated works. i never want to feel like its from a place of malice #the joy of art is always seeing those little mistakes and nuances. its also noticing the achievements other creators have made that you #still lack #even for a certain hell-based show i love to poke fun at for its many. many issues. its undeniable how incredibly passionate the work is. #and i do respect anyone who is willing to get their flawed media out there (myself included) #i see stuff about people calling me their inspo or how flattered they are when i compliment their work and its like. gee. i hold myself at #such a high bar and even still im always surprise when people tell me how much my work moved and changed them #i really love writing just little fun things that i just dont really see anyone else touching and its kind of fun how despite my own #personal grievances with my own flaws and mistakes #people really do find things that they love within them. #anyways I know this is getting long but I’ve just been getting sentimental abt the creation of art #sometimes people make fun of me for love of drawing women and lesbians and bugs and so on #and while I will never let me deter me from my process. sometimes it does get to me #but then I remember that I love doing this and could ever see myself holding back #and knowing despite how other people feel. I have so many followers who resonate with my weird ass shit #that it’s all worth it. ya know?

[fckedupnerd]

Mathew Baynton in the Dodges and Feints music video for DM Stith

Video here:

#mathew baynton #mat baynton #his ARM in that third gif #the little muscle and that SHARP freaking tendon or whatever there connecting it to his elbow #you could CUT yourself on that (/pos /affectionate) 🔥 #his body is so fucking tight and flawless it drives me crazy looking at him #he’s gotta be like 0% bodyfat for real omfg 😭 I wish I looked like him so bad y’all #perfect perfect human wtf #also his face is so pretty #those HUGE EYES #oh my goodness #and the most expressive #aaaaaah just too pretty #also James Corden posted the music video to his story which… 👀 I’m hoping means he has a reason to be publicly consorting with Mat again?? #pleeeeease say they’re working together again soon now that James is back in the UK #I know a lot of people dislike him #and it’s not like I’m a huge fan of James on his own #but I am NOT above admitting that I always liked them together and I always thought James genuinely liked seeing Mat shine which he deserves #anyway have some shitty watermarked gifs of Mat being sexy in black and white #because I hadn’t seen any yet and sometimes if you want something done you have to do it yourself 🥰 #bbc ghosts #wonka 2023 #tagging for Mat-related visibility #Youtube

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk