#thanatophobia is the fear of dying

[cosmicwhoresimpingismyliving]

I don’t know how to live, my mind and my body are constantly in fight or flight. My mind delves into the deepest, darkest parts of the horrific realisation that we will become nothing as we came from nothing and we shall return to nothing. We will become food for the Earth, for the plants. In a way we unlimitedly in the end give back to nature with our own death, our own lifeless bodies. I find it difficult to distract myself from such thoughts. I always revert back to being in some kinda crisis about the fact that not only will I die but everyone I love and cherish will die to. That terrifies & shakes me to my very core. I do not wish to bare witness to the death of my parents or my siblings or even friends.

#death #tw death #death and dying #fear of the unknown #fear of death #fear of loss #poetry #sad poetry #dead poets society #dead poems #dead poetic #dead poetry #poetic #is this poetry? #morbid #thanatophobia #tw depressing stuff #alone with my thoughts #inner thoughts #inner turmoil #my thoughts #spilled thoughts

[gravehop187]

Fearing death i feel is a response to not having personal needs met or not understanding what you want out of your existence. Practice selfishness, be the person you want to be. Do what you want to do. Life is to short to suppress yourself. This video has made that apparent to me. Im always living my life to please others while neglecting what i want, what i need, what i desire. No more. Its been 23 years of doing this. No more.

#existential questions #existentialism #mental health #Fear if dying #thanatophobia

[tired-but-willing]

Thanatophobia

Pairing: Neteyam / Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1,849

Warnings: Violence, major spoilers for Avatar 2

Summary: In the ask <3. I added a little more to it anon, I hope you don't mind. I just got carried away.

I've been shot, you idiot.

Neteyam's words to Lo'ak as he struggled to tread water sent a cold, icy fear through you. He bobbed helplessly in the water, his failing body struggling to keep his head above the water. Instantly, you were reaching for him, your own hands grasping with desperation to keep him up.

"Help!" You shouted to Lo'ak. He didn't need to be told twice. Your urgency snapped him from his stupor. He rushed to be at your side, helping to carry Neteyam between the two of you. A small rock formation nearby was all the two of you could find to lay him on. From there, everything in your mind was a blur of panic. The full Sully family gathered, watching as Neteyam lay dying. Dying. Jake turned him over, checking his back. The bullet had gone through his skin- an entrance and exit wound. He was going to bleed out in front of you. You held his hand tightly in yours as Jake shouted something to Lo'ak. Something about pressure.

You were crying. You registered that Neteyam was, too. His breaths were coming in quick and sharp gasps. His eyes, foggy with pain, locked on Jake's.

"I want to go home."

You sobbed, your head bowing.

"We'll go home." You had never heard Jake so emotional. To you, he had always been stoic. A warrior. Toruk Makto. Now he was a grieving father. "We'll go home, Neteyam."

His breath hitched. Neteyams chest rose up sharply. "Dad-" his eyes; those gold eyes that you loved so much- flitted to you. He breathed your name.

And then he didn't breathe at all.

"Neteyam?" You asked softly. Your hand cupped his face. "Neteyam. Neteyam!"

A scream joined your desperate cries. At your side, Neytiri grasped onto Neteyam's arm, shaking his body to rouse him. His eyes had shut. You kept your hand on his face, though you could hardly see him through your tears. Maybe that was a miracle. It felt like you were going to die with him. Your heart was going to shatter and take you with it. Cries wracked through your body, shaking you. At your other side, Lo'ak had yet to let up on Neteyams chest. He was still trying to stop the bleeding.

The bleeding. Neteyam was bleeding. You blinked rapidly, clearing your gaze. Barely there was movement- a shallow rise and fall of his chest that you had somehow missed in your grief. In an instant, you gripped Lo'aks arm.

"Do not let up!" You demanded sharply. "He is breathing!"

Neytiri and Jake were there the second you spoke, back from whatever reassurance they were providing for each other. You were knocked aside by the latter as he knelt beside his son, bracing his hands on his chest.

"Breathe, Neteyam," he pleaded, shoving his hands down hard once. "Breathe."

Neytiri covered her mouth with her hands, muffling a wail that threatened to escape her. You could do nothing but watch as Jake desperately tried to return life to his child. He turned back to you, eyes wide and frantic.

"I need something to cover the wound!"

You tore at the cloth on your waist, ripping some of it away. You and Lo'ak used it to clog the chest wound while Jake continued to work. It seemed like nothing was happening. Neteyam lay still.

"Eywa," you heard Neytiri whisper. "Great Mother. Please. Please."

You echoed her prayer, shutting your eyes. You couldn't handle watching Neteyam jolt with every thrust upon his chest. You couldn't take watching his near lifeless body- the body of the boy you loved. You weren't strong enough.

Eywa answered your prayers in the form of a gasp. Neteyam's eyes shot open.

Alive.

He was alive.

•••

There was no time to talk following the miracle. You and Tsireya stayed with Neteyam, watching over him. He couldn't speak, drifting in and out of consciousness whilst you sat with him. Each time his eyes slipped shut you would check for his pulse. And each time they opened, you would flash him a reassuring smile, letting him know he was safe.

Following Kiri and Tuk's rescue, you all returned to your village. It was difficult transporting Neteyam, but the difficulty was worth it. It was better than transporting his body.

In the Sully hut, Ronal healed his body using a variety of herbs and prayers. Your Tsahìk sent you away after the first hour of healing.

"You cling too much," she said bluntly. "I cannot concentrate. You may see him when he recovers."

Only, you couldn't. A week later when Neteyam woke up, his family occupied the hut. You wanted desperately to see him. More than that, however, you wanted to give him time with his family. You could remember Neytiri's horrified screams and the hollow look inside Jake's eyes when it seemed like he had died. You knew that they needed time with him far more than you did.

That was what led you here. Sitting on the edge of one of your villages woven walkways, staring dejectedly into the water. The weight of your seat dipped as another joined you. From the edges of your vision, you could spot Tsireya's face. Her expression was one of pity.

"You know he is awake now," she said. "You can go to him."

You kicked your legs back and forth halfheartedly.

"He needs to be with his family."

"He needs to be with you." She nudged your shoulder with her own. "He asked for you, ____. When he could speak."

You couldn't help but be surprised. No one had told you he called for you. His family hadn't left the hut since he'd woken. You could hardly blame them. If you could, you would be there at his side. Tsireya gave you a knowing look.

"It is difficult, is it not?"

"Is what difficult?"

"Loving a Sully."

"What?" You sputtered. "I do not. I am not! I just- he is only-"

"Oh, enough." She tossed her head back and laugh. "I know that look. I know that feeling. You cannot hide these things from me."

Realization dawned on you. You felt like an idiot. "Lo'ak."

"Yes." Her ear flicked with amusement. "Lo'ak. Believe me, ____. I understand what you feel. And I understand what he feels. You should go to him."

"He needs time with his family."

"He has time. You will find they agree. Go."

It was hard to argue with that. Besides; you didn't want to argue. This was an excuse to talk to Neteyam. You were going to take it. You got to your feet and hurried to the Sully's hut. Once you reached it, you noted only Neytiri was inside. She knelt next to his son where he lay on the ground. When you entered the home she glanced up at you and rose to her feet. She paused at your side.

"Treat him well," she murmured to you. "And be wise." She then brushed past you, exiting the home, leaving you alone with Neteyam. He stayed laying flat on his back. He didn't turn to you, but he spoke.

"You saved my life."

You approached him cautiously. "I almost cost you it."

"No."

"Yes." You knelt beside him. A horrid sense of deja-vu washed over you. The last time you were with him, he was on the verge of death, Ronal working over his pale body, struggling to keep him alive. "If I had been faster- if I had pushed Lo'ak to safety instead-"

"You could have been shot then." He looked up at you from his spot on the ground. "That could not happen. I could not-"

"You almost died." Your voice was thick with emotion. "I would have gotten shot instead to prevent it."

"That is stupid."

"No."

"Yes." This time it was his turn to refute you. He sat up slowly, hissing in discomfort but grabbing your hand when you tried to make him lie back down. He held it fast in his own. "Why are you so willing to throw away your life?"

"Why are you so willing to throw away yours?" You shot back. You made no move to free yourself from his grip. He wasn't holding your hand tight enough to hurt you. Even whilst both your emotions were strong, he was still cautious. Considerate.

"I was protecting. That is my job."

"Is it your job to die?"

"____." Exasperated, he said your name. "It is my job to defend what I care for."

"And mine is the same," you snarled. "So there."

Your conclusion was childish. Maybe that was why he stared at you, his golden eyes wide. Eywa, how you loved those eyes. Seeing them full of life could have made you cry from relief.

"You care for me?"

You could recall Tsireya's words. Why not, you decided. "I love you. Moron."

Neteyam continued to stare at you. His hold on your hand tightened for the barest of seconds. "What?"

"I love you," you repeated. "And you almost died. Right in front of me. What would I have done then?"

"You love me."

"That is what I just said."

"I love you."

It was your turn to be stunned. "Oh."

"What?" He gave you a wry smile. "You can say it, but I cannot?"

"No! That is not why-" you groaned, leaning closer to him. His gaze traveled down to your lips before quickly returning to make eye contact with you.

"Then why not?" He challenged.

"Stop talking." You ordered, moving in closer still. "I want to kiss you."

"That is fine with me." His attempt at keeping his composure was adorable to you. While his tone was cool, you could still read excitement and wonder clearly in his expression. You couldn't help but smile, leaning in and pressing your lips to his.

Kissing Neteyam was magic.

His lips were warm on yours. His hands moved to hold you; one on your back, one on your thigh. All warm. A reminder that he was real, and he was alive. You kissed him harder just because you could. He was quick to reciprocate.

Kissing Neteyam was air.

Years of diving had trained you to hold your breath for long periods of time, and you'd never been more grateful for that fact. Neteyam it seemed, had plenty of stamina of his own from the lessons in swimming he'd been given during his brief time with your people. It felt like you had all the time in the world entangled with him, your hand sliding into his braided hair to hold him close.

It also wasn't nearly enough time. Eventually, Neteyam broke away first, taking in deep breaths of air. He didn't look away from you once. His flustered state made you proud. It also made you worry for his injuries.

"Do you need a moment?" You asked.

"No." His response was quick and breathless. "Again."

You were happy to oblige.

#avatar the way of water x reader #avatar the way of water #avatar 2 #neteyam #neteyam x reader #ronal #tsireya #fluff #angst #hurt/comfort #fix it fic #request

[sapphicmumrik]

speaking as someone who has anxiety and thanatophobia, I really, REALLY appreciate that nobody laughed at Puss for this absurd notion or say that he SHOULDN’T be scared because he’s this amazing legend.

dying is a scary concept that happens to everyone eventually. it’s difficult to accept and move past and live your life instead of worrying about every little thing going wrong that could end your life. Puss laughed in Death’s face and lived to tell the tale one too many times. it’s not until Perrito calms him down from his anxiety attack that he admits that he’s scared.

admitting that you’re terrified of this every day concept is sometimes not reciprocated with kindness. “You’re going to die some day, just not today” is not a guarantee most of us have. “If you change your diet and do this this and this you’ll live a healthy full life” is not an option for some of us.

Dreamworks showed us a fearless hero having an anxiety attack over his thanatophobia not once but three times, and they did it so much better than the MCU did (yeah I said it). He was shown kindness and understanding about his fear and wasn’t told to push past it.

Perrito didn’t give him advice like ‘this is the remedy’ or push him to give up chasing after the wishing star. He simply told him “it’s okay to be afraid”.

I hope others with thanatophobia and anxiety find comfort in this movie.

#fern.txt #puss in boots #puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots spoilers

[neopronouns]

flag id: a flag with 6 stripes, which are black, light grey, blue-grey, grey, dark red, and black. end id.

banner id: a 1600x200 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting. those on my / dni may still use my terms, so do not recoin them.’ in large white text in the center. the text takes up two lines, split at the slash. end id.

thanatophobian: a gender related to the fear of death/dying

[pt: thanatophobian: a gender related to the fear of death/dying. end pt]

another term for day 5 of @radiomogai's 1k coining event, 'the end'!

the flag is in the same format as various -phobian flags and is partially inspired by this thanatophobia flag.

tags: @liom-archive, @macchiane, @genderstarbucks, @sugar-and-vice-mogai | dni link

#thanatophobian #phobian system #my flags #my terms #new flag #new term #mogai flag #mogai term #mogai #death ment

[trancylovecraft]

(KNY) YANDERE PLATONIC! KOKUSHIBO x SISTER READER: You, Shibou. I, Kokoro (CHAPTER TEN)

Previous Chapter ☆♡☆ Masterlist ☆♡☆ Next Chapter

AO3 link

CHAPTER TEN: "I witness that a lot of people are dying because they consider that life is not worth living."

NOTE: Next chapter WILL be late due to me going on vacay! Juuuust wanted to get a chap out before I go lol!

Thanatophobia is the fear of death, Originating from the Greek "Thanatos" meaning death. People who suffer from this are extremely afraid of death and may have excessive thoughts about it.

This coupled with something like Suicidal Desire can create a reckless sort of behaviour. Making a person actively seek their death due to the fact they cannot do it themselves out of fear.

The smell of burnt gunpowder lingered in the cold night's air, Bursts of vivid colour exploding in the sky and fizzling out into sparks mid-flight. The entire sky was alight with hue's of reds, blues and purples lighting up the atmosphere.

The bitter liquor ran down her throat yet it barely burned as it went down, Her tongue trained to the taste and the fire tamed in due time.

[F/N] gazed out over the city of Osaka from the balcony of her inn. The festival in full swing below her, The sounds of laughing and festivities were low and echoed from the tall height their room sat at.

She gazed upon the fireworks, Enraptured within the colourful dance as she took another swig of her sake. A bottle she snaked from the bar below, Her hands trained to steal took it with relative ease and replaced it with the coins it cost.

It wasn't something meant for someone of her age. Her younger frame and the baby fat only just burned off from her face showed her mid-teenage years, Only around fifteen to be precise.

The night was chilling, Making her tug the dragon-patterned haori over her shoulders just a little more. The wind ran through her, The height she was at made it blow just a bit more intense as the mouth of the bottle pressed against her lips.

As the next round of sake pooled on her tongue, [F/N] could hear the soft patter of footsteps approach from behind her.

"Heyy~! What'cha doin up so early?" Mitsuri teased, Her bodyweight pressing up against the balcony railing to match [F/N]'s own pose. Her cheeks full of colour and a wide smile shining brighter than her eyes played on her face.

[F/N] smirked a little as she lowered the bottle.

"Can't sleep.. Not with this noise anyways." [F/N] responded as she gestured to the lively crowds below them in the streets, The stalls packed and laughing echoed from the tall buildings.

"Still, We're gonna head out soon and you haven't gotten any rest.. This isn't the first time you've done this y'know!" Mitsuri teased as she slowly swayed back and forth with a hum.

[F/N] shrugged as her eyes met Mitsuri's form. Her unbrushed hair let loose out of her usual braids and the baggy uniform she wore was lazily put on, Obviously haven just woken up from her nap during the day.

Even so she seemed as lively as she always did. Something that made [F/N]'s smile soften, Seeming much more genuine than it did before.

"Okay, Mom." [F/N] teased lightly as she turned back to take another swig "If I get a chance I'll rest for a little bit, Okay?"

Mitsuri's eyes landed on the glass bottle, Watching the bitter liquid slosh around inside the container as another rush of it entered her mouth. Mitsuri couldn't help the slight frown appear on her face.

"You know you shouldn't be drinking that stuff, Mama says it's really bad for kids like us. Even then I can't believe you like the taste, The stuff's yucky!" Mitsuri stuck her tongue out in a display of playful disgust.

[F/N] giggled a little bit as she swallowed, Covering her mouth to make sure it didn't bring up any residue.

"Tsuri', We watched your mother pick a fight barehanded with a wild racoon for rummaging in your trash." [F/N] chuckled as she shook her head. "I think I know what's good for me, Mkay?"

"If you say so!" Mitsuri huffed yet the smile tugging at her lips couldn't be extinguished.

[F/N] turned her eyes back to the display of fireworks exploding further ahead into the city, Bursts of burning sparks igniting into the most beautiful colours to reflect in their eyes. The glassy look of her sclera mimicking it greatly.

[F/N] smirked.

"..Besides, It's not the taste I like." She admitted as her eyes trailed down to the bottle held like a gun in her hands. Tightly gripped with care as she examined the clear yet pungent smelling booze mixing with the fading gunpowder.

"Then what do you like about it?" Mitsuri asked as she pursed her lips and looked at [F/N] in confusion.

"It's the affect it gives me, It makes me feel warm inside. That's what I like about it." [F/N] smiled half-heartedly as she rested her free palm on her chest. The spoken effect already starting to take affect as she felt the light blur in her mind.

"Seriously? You always wake up grumpy afterwards though, Can't make you feel that good." Mitsuri rebutted, Her lip quirked to the side in confusion.

"Not if I drink more." [F/N] shrugged as she took another drink, Eyes still trapped upon the fireworks and the city set alight in celebration. She didn't even seem to take in Mitsuri's words but instead took in more of the bitter liquor into her system.

Mitsuri looked like she wanted to say more, To open her mouth and object but she resisted in turn.

Instead she just turned her head back to the show above them, Wind brushing through her hair and leaving only the faintest of chills in it's wake.

"Anything else you been thinking about? You seem out of it, Kinda.. Distant?" Mitsuri asked. Recalling the past few days they had been travelling, Noticing the way [F/N] always seemed to be in thought when they spoke.

"Well.. A few things honestly, Nothing much really just kinda complicated thoughts" She sighed half-heartedly though her eyes narrowed in on nothing in particular, Nothing in sight but a picture vivid in her head.

"You can tell me if you want to, There's nothing I won't understand. You know that right?" Mitsuri reassured softly. A comforting tone both tended to use with one and other, All since the day they first met.

[F/N] shrugged once more yet this time she bit her lip.

"Really?" She prompted as she stared into the honest green of her best friend's eyes. The way the fireworks bursting hues reflected off them as they exploded in the air only shown truth.

"Really." Mitsuri hummed with a gentle smile with [F/N] returning it in kind. [F/N] inhaled, Taking in a deep breath before she spoke.

"…I'm just not that motivated lately. I've been thinking about my purpose to be honest with you.. Life stuff. It just kinda feels like I'm having a mid-life crisis when I'm only fifteen and that just feels really stupid to me.." [F/N] admitted as she played with the bottle.

Between the two girls it was [F/N] who had always been the mature one. Ever since they met it had been like that. She often abstained from activities other kids liked to enjoy such as playing with Temari Balls or wrestling in the mud.

Instead she often stood back and watched. Most times with either a book or a pen and paper, Mostly favouring her time being spent on wondering how much money she needed to earn for dinner that night or how long she could go without eating at all.

[F/N] never really was much of a kid. More of an adult in a kid's body, Carried herself as such too. Even back then she never cracked a smile or laughed at all, Instead speaking with a polite yet monotonous tone.

Mitsuri hummed, Tasting [F/N]'s words on her tongue.

"Well you came along with me to become a slayer for a reason, Right? We're doing this because we wanna help people and protect the ones we care about!" Mitsuri proclaimed as she lightly swayed back and forth.

"..Well.. And maaaybe help me find a husband too but.." Mitsuri added on quickly, Her blush burning bright as she fanned her cheeks.

[F/N] didn't speak, Instead choosing to look down at the bottle. She examined the light reflecting off the polished and sharply cut glass as her eyes narrowed at it.

"..You've been doing that a lot as well. You keep looking at your drinks and food like you personally despise them, It's weird. I'm maybe starting to think this is a deeper issue?" Mitsuri prodded.

As soon as she mentioned the way [F/N] was looking at her liquor her gaze instantly softened and glanced away from it, Away in the other direction as she pouted slightly.

"It's nothing. I'm fine, Really. I don't know why I told you, I shouldn't of said anything.." [F/N] trailed off, Shaking her head in dismissal.

The burn in her chest seemed like it just wasn't from the liquor anymore. It was desire, One she couldn't act on. How dearly she wanted to tell her the truth, Let it all out to her but there were no words to say.

There were, But there wasn't at the same time. How can you just say all of that to someone? How could you say it without writing it down on paper to log everything, Saying it is so difficult. There was no way she could say anything aloud.

Besides, [F/N] didn't want to worry Mitsuri. She was her best friend and bringing her own sorrow onto her was the last thing [F/N] wanted to do. Mitsuri was a happy person and [F/N] wanted to keep it that way.

She agreed with this once she turned back to meet Mitsuri's concerned face, As such she decided to act quickly.

Reaching into the small satchel hanging loose from her shoulders she fished out something covered in cloth. The navy felt wrapped around it dropped from the her grasp as she pulled it out.

"Besides.. I've got other things to worry about right now." [F/N] said as she held the Kitsune mask in both of her hands. The dark sapphire eyes staring right into the irises of it's owner with a soulless glare.

Mitsuri's eyes widened in interest as she nudged closer on the balcony towards [F/N]. Eyes locked onto the festival mask held so tightly in [F/N]'s palms.

"Woah, No way! Isn't that the spooky-cursed-thingy you got a while back?" Mitsuri gasped as she leaned over to examine the structure of it herself. Chartreuse eyes gleaming with a spark of interest as she recognised it.

"Mhm.. Took the sword with me so I felt it was only right I'd take the mask too.." [F/N] replied as she stared into the porcelain.

"Ah, Okay! You ever gonna try it out or use it? It might be a good time to use it cause of the festival and all- Oh my gosh that reminds me! Did you see all the snack vendors and festival games? I'm dying to try them all!" Mitsuri squealed as she rapidly fanned her overheating cheeks.

Her short attention span distracted her from the previous topic, Good, It was something [F/N] predicted and something that was for the best. [F/N] smiled and shook her head as she put the mask back into the satchel.

As for it, [F/N] was conflicted on whether to use it or not. The way it made her feel or the way it made her look just didn't seem like her at all, It made her different, Someone she wasn't yet even then [F/N] kind of preferred it that way.

For the short time she used it before she felt more carefree. Less people asked questions about her and less worried, It was good. [F/N] liked that.

"We can't waste time with the activities there, Mitsuri. We're here to slay a demon, Not relax or play games." [F/N] argued softly as she placed a hand on Mitsuri's shoulder, Who was currently.

"Oh come onnnnn, [F/N]. Live life a little! They have goldfish scooping and are doing one of those shinto-play thingy's that you like so much! Can't we have just a tiny little detour?" Mitsuri pouted as she quickly pulled out a brochure from her taffy-coloured haori and shoved into [F/N]'s free hand.

[F/N] chuckled but still stood adamantly as she looked down at the brochure.

"I told you! We can't waste time with meaningless activities!" [F/N] laughed as she rubbed Mitsuri's shoulder to try and calm her down, Which was useless because Mitsuri was practically shaking in excitement.

"Come onnn! Not even just a single goldfish?" Mitsuri pouted, Tilting her head towards [F/N].

"Nope." [F/N] replied.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleaaaaseee?"

"Noooooo…"

"Please with extra cherries?"

"I hate cherries."

"Liar! You love cherries."

"I love the smell, Not the taste."

"I don't think I can be friends with you after learning that information but pleaaasee?"

"Nada."

"Plea-"

"If you two keep arguing like this I fear that we may never slay that demon in time!" The voice of Shinobu cut through the two's bickering.

[F/N]'s shoulders raised as she snapped her body round to meet the other girl, Who was to the other side of her and leaning against the balcony.

"Ah! Sorry Shinobu-chan! But you agree that you would also like to see the festival too right?" Mitsuri butted in, Leaning over the side of the balcony to meet Shinobu's constant grin and teasing façade.

Shinobu hummed, Bringing a hand up to her chin.

"Well I do think that we should slay the demon. But I suppose it wouldn't hurt if we did spend a little time enjoying ourselves. These things only come around once a year so if we slay the demon quickly we might have time to see the parade." Shinobu concluded with a smile as she turned around to meet Mitsuri.

"Oh not you too, Shinobu-san.." [F/N] dramatically groaned. Shoulders deflating as she realised she was outnumbered by her comrades.

"Yay! Come on then! Let's go slay the demon so I can catch goldfish. Let's go, Let's go, Let's go!" Mitsuri cheered as her hands lunged for both [F/N] and Shinobu's palms. Taken off guard they were both lugged along by Mitsuri's inhuman strength.

"Agh!" [F/N] exclaimed, Taken by surprise as she was swiftly dragged along out of the inn's room.

"Oh good! Let's get moving, Girls!" Shinobu however kept smiling as she complied with Mitsuri's hyperactivity, Giggling along with Mitsuri as they ran out. The cold night's air barely bothering the two.

[F/N] wiped the sweat off her brow and sighed. Keeping up with the two's more upbeat behaviour has always been a job of it's own.

Though as the saying goes that if you choose a job that you like, You'll never have to work a day in your life which [F/N] could attest to.

She only smiled a little as they ran towards their next mission. Hand being tugged along by Mitsuri as she thought on her own. Even though the two had enough energy for a hundred people, [F/N] could still feel the phantom taste of the bitter sake on her tongue wear her down.

Though she could admit she was having fun she also had to say that it was dampened by her own feelings. The feelings she had been fighting against for a while now and ones that seemed to get even more pungent everyday.

But it didn't matter. She had a job to do, Work is to be done so she shut out her feelings once more and smiled instead.

It seemed like it was better that way, Anyways.

☆♡☆

"Well.. I certainly see what you meant by hopeless"

[F/N]'s voice echoed far, Her own realising tone reflecting back at her in a yell. Her eyes were wide as she stared over the cavern, Hands on her hips as her jaw was lain slack at the sight.

It was huge, So much so that she couldn't see the bottom. Stairs and doors getting smaller and smaller as it went down, All until it was only a speck in this accursed dimensions horizon. The fact that it had a horizon like the normal world was terrifying.

There was a strong wind rushing through the cavern, It was fresh too, Not like the indoor air but organic and powerful.

[F/N] stood at the edge of a dock. The end of it was destroyed or rather fell off down into the cavern below.

It was like tectonic plates moving away from each other. One of them was the sea of nothingness with docks spread everywhere, The other was a a labyrinth of doors, walls, staircases and millions of other structures. The two only separated by a wide split, One which was further than valleys or fields she'd ever seen before.

They were like files kept in a drawer. Different files archived on top of each other, Different worlds sat side by side. Herself standing on only one of what seemed to be millions.

It was so surreal, [F/N] was basically a speck of dust compared to the Infinity castle. She had to steady herself on the dock to make sure she didn't fall off into the infinite expansion of a pit below.

"You understand that you won't be able to escape from here? If you tried to jump down it would take hours for you to fall only to be killed. And there's no way you could climb upwards because there isn't any point for you to scale on." Akaza said, His voice echoing and repeating back to her tenfold.

[F/N]'s eyes however weren't resting on the demon stood beside her, Instead they were sat on the abyss of architecture below as she contemplated her next move. Her eyes wandered along the wide wooden border keeping the ocean in at her world, Her brows furrowed.

"How was I not able to come across this earlier? You know, When I ran for the first time. It just looped back around." [F/N] commented absentmindedly as she locked down on the rimmed gate keeping the entire pocket of abyss she was in.

Akaza shrugged.

"This is the only route that hasn't been changed by the biwa demon throughout my time coming here. Figured that this must have some kind of anchoring effect or something.." Akaza replied but he sounded just as confused as she did.

[F/N] sighed as she ignored the implications of his significant memory, Already accepting it through all the other craziness.

"Alright.. So I also need to memorize the escape route. There's another thing to add to my list." She groaned in slight irritation as she took a mental note of the chore.

"You have a list?" Akaza questioned, Looking over at her with a scrutinizing gaze.

"Erm.. Yeah. Got an issue with that?" [F/N] hissed lowly as she looked back at him with an equally-as-venomous glare.

"No. You do whatever, I don't give a shit" Akaza spat back and shook his head as he turned around to look down the cavern again.

[F/N] did the same as she stared down into the new void. She could almost hear the cogs in her head clash and clank against each other as they got to work. Hopeless, Akaza said. The cogs seemed to ignite the lightbulb that hung over her head.

"Hmm.." [F/N] hummed as she surveyed the unnaturally polished wood. The wind repeatedly hit at her face, The skirt of her kimono whipping back and forth as she nudged closer to the edge.

"Hey! What are you doing, You have a death wish or something?" Akaza scolded, His hand grappling onto her shoulder with his nails digging in. Yet the pain never bothered her as she turned back to look at him.

"So.. You said earlier that there was an exit door somewhere down in that hellhole, Right?" [F/N] questioned as she started to tug at her kimono, The front of it easily coming undone as she shook Akaza's hand off.

"Yeah, There is but you won't be able to get to it." Akaza rebutted as he watched her take off the emerald sunset of fabric, The garment too big and loose for what she was about to do and leaving her in only a snow white Susuyoke and Hadajuban. "What the hell are you undressing for?! Try have some decency!"

"Lost that years ago. Now you mentioned that the biwa demon character moves the castle around to her will, Correct? If that's true then how often does she change it around here?" [F/N] asked once more, Near shouting over the power of the wind as she did.

"She only started changing the shrine section assumedly once you showed up but the docks don't change. We're near the outskirts of the castle and away from the centre, Doesn't change anything near here but why? What are you planning to do?!" Akaza argued as he watched her stretch out a hand and present it to him.

"I'm gonna see what's below, For that I need you to hold onto me while I hang from the side of the ledge." [F/N] explained, Nudging her hand further towards him as she stared him dead in the eyes.

Akaza's jaw dropped open, It was the last thing he had expected to hear from the rather weak looking girl as he gawked at the mere idea she proposed. He double-taked before taking a heavy step towards her, Making the dock below it creak rather aggressively.

"No. Are you fucking crazy?! What the hell makes you think that'll get you anywhere?!" Akaza near yelled at her as he got up in her face again. His sharpish teeth were bared and near breathing saliva at just the thought.

[F/N]'s nose scrunched up and her lip turned into a near snarl.

"I don't see why you're so angry, Akaza. I just want to see what's under here and I want you to help me do it." [F/N] argued lowly as she levelled down to meet his kanji-adorned eyes, Her own shining with the exact same fire to match his perfectly.

"Why I'm angry? Forget that, Why the hell do you trust me so much to keep you steady from the ledge? What if I drop you?!" Akaza argued back, A clawed finger pointing into [F/N]'s chest to emphasise his point.

"I don't trust you, I trust that you want to kill Kokushibo.. Well, That and your demon strength that can hold my weight, That is." [F/N] replied as she carelessly tossed her shamrock coloured kimono behind her down the dock.

Akaza moved back a few steps, Looking at her like she was insane but at this point that wasn't much of a stretch. He looked her up and down and once he realised she had no doubts about putting herself into a potentially fatal situation, He snapped his jaw shut and stared at her with wide eyes.

[F/N] on the other hand pushed it further towards Akaza, Urging him to take it.

"Come on, As I told you Akaza, I'm a Hashira. And as much as that title doesn't fit me I can say with certainty that I'll be able to scale this stupid ledge, So take my hand and lets do this." [F/N] pressed on.

Akaza looked back up at her expression, Of which was as cold as steel and as firm as such too. She looked at him with such chilling determination that it near ran a shiver down his spine, A feeling he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Fine, But we need to be quick. Upper six might figure out we've left and could alert Upper one." Akaza spat as he wrapped his taloned fingers around [F/N]'s palm and nodded. [F/N] in turn smirked slightly.

"I'll be as quick as I can be." [F/N] agreed as she lowered down onto her knees, Akaza's hand still squeezing her palm as she got down onto her backside.

[F/N]'s legs dangled off the edge of the rickety dock. She stared down towards the endless abyss of Japanese architecture below and took a deep breath in to steel her nerves, Her empty hand gripping onto the end of the dock while the other gripped tightly onto Akaza's.

"Ready?" Akaza prompted. [F/N] responded with a sharp inhale and a hum of confirmation. Closing her eyes she took in one large breath.

And then she dropped.

[F/N] fell from the ledge, Gravity pulling her body towards the ground as her weight started to accelerate. The wind rushed through her hair and her undergarments, Her eyes clasped shut in anticipation.

THUMP!

[F/N]'s body slammed against the side of the ledge, Making her yelp out in surprise. Her acceleration was cancelled out by the firm grip of Akaza who was draped over the side, Making it so she could be further down.

"Good gods-..!" [F/N] exclaimed in pain as her body hit against the ledge. Her skin firing up in pain as her body swung side to side slowly, Only kept elevated by the claws digging into her hand.

"I thought you said you were ready?" Akaza called out from above her, Though [F/N] could hear the mockery dripping from his tone like the water leaking over the ledge. It made her huff in annoyance.

"Shut it!" [F/N] yelled back as she gripped a hand onto the carved side of the edge, Trying to steady her swaying movements and her rapidly pounding heart. Her breath turned to vapour in the rushing chill of the winds.

[F/N] dared to look down from her position and saw the infinite abyss much closer than it was before, [F/N] watched her legs hang above it. It was almost like the entire castle was trying to reach out to her, Aching, Desperately trying to pull her down and make her fall.

Fall. If she did then that was it for her, If Akaza's grip slipped from her hold then she would be nothing but smashed organs and flesh. Destroyed bits of membrane smeared across some demon's flooring.

[F/N] could tell that the saying was true, Stare into the abyss and it will stare back. It felt almost alive as she glared.

"Hey? Aren't you going to get to work? I told you to hurry up!" Akaza scolded as he saw her phased out expression as she gazed into the castle interior below, But he raised a brow at her sudden disassociation.

[F/N] quirked a lip, Her free hand sweeping the hair hitting her face away from her vision. She could barely hear Akaza over the turbulence, Both of the aggressive atmosphere and the thoughts coming back to her head.

Drop. It would be so easy, So why was she hesitating? Why was her body still holding onto Akaza for dear life? It seemed like that's how it's been lately, Her body and her mind had different ideas for their future. Conflicting each other, Going to war.

Her body ached for survival, Some kind of primal instinct embedded into every single living thing on the planet and one her mind wanted to erase entirely. Her mind ached for release, Wanting an end to the tunnel.

The grip on Akaza's hand started to.. Slip. At first it was just a twitch of her palm, But then it was the lift of a single finger. Then another, Then another.. Then just one more until she'd start to fall-

"Gods! You are weak! I can't believe your a damned Hashira!" Akaza yelled out and his free hand shot out and grappled onto her wrist, Stopping her descent entirely. His teeth were bared and his forehead had a vein popping out.

[F/N] blinked once, A sudden dim light reappearing back in her eyes. She looked around once, Realising where she was and what she was doing before the tight grip on Akaza's hand returned once more.

"Shit.. My bad, I don't know what came over me there!" [F/N] called out as she bit her lip in confusion. [F/N] looked up towards Akaza and nodded once towards him. He wouldn't let her fall, Not when she was considered valuable to him.

"Lower me!" She yelled.

Akaza looked back at her, Examining the expression that seemed more reeled into the situation before nodding back. He moved a little further over the side, Legs kept firmly locked into a nook in the dock as [F/N] lowered down a little more.

She snapped her head round dead centre. The ledge she was hanging over was gigantic, Extremely, It was both taller and wider than her herself. But as Akaza lowered her further and further, Her sandals near slipping off her feet she could now see the underside of it.

Her eyes widened as she saw the vast beneath of the slice of hell she lived on. Her eyes scattered around and the dim light started to burn with idea's, The cogs in her head kicking up once more.

The way the underside was designed was like a table, It seemed larger than it was on the outside but when she looked underneath it dipped.

Below it had quite intricately designed structure beams going across the entire way, Thee way the architecture was ingrained into the beams made them tightly pact with hooks and curves carved in.

[F/N]'s eyes squinted, Trying to see further ahead. It was around the staggering length of a football field, At the end of it there was several pillars and clusters of misplaced walls and structures. They were all clumped together, Making it almost a staircase for her to use.

It was beautifully made, But also an opportunity. [F/N]'s eyes ran across the carvings and infrastructure as a sly smirk started to shape her face. The cogs finally clicked, The lightbulb brightened.

"What are you seeing?" Akaza called out from above as she surveyed the scene, Near seeing the mechanics work in her head as he watched her face light up.

"Opportunity, And I've seen enough. Pull me back up!" [F/N] yelled back, Glancing at him once with that working gaze before he nodded.

Locking his legs further onto the dock he started to haul her up with relative ease. Her body weight was nothing but a feather for his demonic strength as she ascended, Higher and higher until her upper chest was draped over the ledge.

Akaza grabbed her by the shoulders, Hoisting her full body over and up onto the dock once more. She groaned in effort as she rolled over onto her back, Staring up to the dark sky above them as she rendered the shrine section.

"Thanks.." [F/N] breathed heavily, Out of breath from both the high stress situation and the effort she had to put in to pull herself up. She lain there on the old and freezing dock, Listening to the sound of the waves as she tried to calm down.

Akaza on the other hand leaned over her, Looking at her like a rather irritating rodent who washed up on the shore. He clicked his tongue once as his annoyed visage bore into hers.

"The hell was up with that earlier? You almost died and all of this trouble I've gone through could've been for nothing!" Akaza hissed as he watched her haul herself up into a sitting position.

"I told you. Dunno what came over me, Alright?" [F/N] said absentmindedly "Anyways, Contrary to what you said earlier it is certainly not hopeless." She added on.

Akaza raised a brow. From what he had learned throughout his years of coming here there wasn't any visible way down from here. The outskirts haven't changed in decades, Could he have missed something?

[F/N] got up from the ground. Pushing herself up with a single hand and a groan as she raised to meet him eye to eye.

"Anyways I know what I need to do now, Well both me and you really. I actually need you to get some stuff for me." [F/N] said as she dusted off the dock's soot from her snowy underclothing.

Akaza groaned.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"A few things.. Maybe.. Uh.. Oh right. As much rope as you can get me, The strong kind. A surplus of nails and erm.. Could use a few tools too, A hammer might be nice.. Just anything you can get me" [F/N] explained as she counted the items on her fingers.

Akaza's jaw dropped, Realising the implications as his head shook in slight disbelief.

"You want to scale the fucking infinity castle, Don't you?"

"Yep."

Akaza raised a hand and pinched his temples, Almost sensing the oncoming headache this one human being was giving him. The sheer audacity to think that she could somehow maneuver her way down into the outskirts of the castle.

If she died then the stress he went through with this deal would be to waste. If she did die, Kaigaku might link him to her death when explaining it to Kokushibo. If that happened it meant he would go down with her.

But as his dandelion hued irises met back up with hers he could see the confidence burning in her retinas. It was a look he somehow recognised, That old connection clicking in the back of his mind, One from his human life.

He shook it off however. He had no time for that kind of useless reminiscence.

"What makes you think you'll be able to do something like that?" Akaza asked rather harshly as he signalled his hand towards the void below, Reminding her of her position.

[F/N] shrugged.

"Cause I'm a Hashira?" She said as if it was obvious, Using her title once more as a trump card of sorts to get her way.

Akaza looked back at her, Remembering her so called title. The fact that she was a Hashira still didn't register to him, Her weak frame and out-of-practice muscles telling him otherwise. He huffed.

"Last time I checked, Hashira couldn't about a hundred metres with only rope and nails to do so. I'm not letting you die until we finish this deal" Akaza repeated back to her like it was obvious.

[F/N] in turn clenched her fists. She knew Akaza wouldn't let her do this, Her only escape route. He wouldn't let her do this, Not without a good enough reason. It made the spark inside her light up again, The one from when Kokushibo gave her the hairpin.

It was that angry spark, The one she had been feeling more and more lately and the one she tried to dwindle into annoyance.

"Look.. I grew up in a place where scaling things was part of the description. Things like climbing or moving around dangerous area's is basically nothing. This is nothing." She exasperated, Gesturing to the void below and trying to keep her voice to a minimum to convince him.

Akaza gawked at her, Not understanding a thing.

"Like where. Where the hell would you need to grow up to scale an infinite void?" He argued back, The idea completely insane to him as he did.

"Nowhere good, Okay? Somewhere if you don't learn how to move quickly and efficiently you don't survive, And I did, So I think I'm more than qualified to climb my way out of here. Not unless you have any better ideas?" [F/N] said, Her voice mocking and sarcastic from both the irritation and reminder of her childhood.

Akaza lowered his brow, Thinking over her words. Though he didn't need to think for long because the spark inside her showed in her eyes, It made his agape mouth shut tight. The human part of his resonating once more, That part of him seemingly recognising the look.

How that was possible he didn't know. He didn't want to know what that implied but knew very well what it meant, Something inside him told him so. Something that trusted her skills well.

"..Fine, You better know what you're doing.." He spat lowly, A warning. [F/N] could tell as Akaza stepped away from her going a few feet down the dock.

"But the items you wanted will be difficult to smuggle in. The biwa demon knows everything that comes in and comes out. If I try bring in a bunch of nails and rope she'll certainly suspect something, So I'm going to need to do it in parts at a time." Akaza continued.

"Seriously? I suppose it's fair, It'll take time for me to construct it so while you gather the item's, I'll just work on it then I guess." [F/N] groaned.

"Good. Then afterwards I'll be out of this damned deal." Akaza commented, Obviously as annoyed as her.

[F/N] nodded.

"Same. I won't need to be here to deal with this place or the demons that inhabit it.. I'm just glad the only somewhat decent one can get me outta here." She sighed as she grabbed the side of her head, Feeling a sudden, Strange migraine coming on.

Akaza turned back to look at her, Raising a brow.

"Decent? What do you mean by that?" Akaza questioned.

[F/N] hummed slightly, Her lips pouting slightly in thought as she mulled her words over. Once she finished though she shrugged lazily.

"Well, As much as a bastard you are. You're also the only one who has some form of morals since you don't kill women, That and you did change my bandages that one time" She explained.

Akaza groaned, Obviously not happy that it was brought up again.

"I thought I said I didn't want you to talk about that." Akaza huffed, The vein in his head pulsating once more at the remembrance.

"Well I didn't want to be injured in the first place but here we are." [F/N] retorted, The hand gripping the side of her head throbbing once more. Her grip tightened and her teeth grinded slightly in futile attempt to relieve it.

"Oh, like that's my fault for injuring some pathetic human being. How about next time you d-" Akaza's rebuttal was quickly silenced by a hand over the mouth. A movement quicker than a lightning bolt made by [F/N], Her eyes wide and stretched open to their limits as she pressed a single finger against her lips.

Akaza's eyes opened in tandem with her own, Sensing the situation and a faint.. power. As he looked back towards [F/N] he could recognise the contorted expression on her face.

It was fear.

They stood in silence. The sudden sound of the running winds and the waves sloshing against each other below seemed so much louder now, Their breaths stilled and their eyes were locked together.

[F/N]'s ear twitched as the wind brushed against each of their skins. Though her eyes stared into his she wasn't focused on him, Instead she looked like she was trying to listen in on something.

Her still lungs took in a sharp intake of air. Her entire frame shot up like a terrified cat and the hand on his mouth quickly retracted, Falling to her side and stiffening like a wooden board.

"Kokushibo.. He's here"

Akaza stumbled back. [F/N]'s words echoed into the vastness and hit him like a ton of bricks, The broken glass of his eyes looked back and forth as his shoulders raised in defence.

"Upper six must of informed him I'm gone, He might've told of you- I don't know- But you need to leave. Now!" [F/N] exclaimed. She wasted no time in running over the crumpled kimono lying on the deck.

"Shit- Does he know I'm here?" Akaza exclaimed as he desperately searched around for any sign of the other demon. [F/N] started throwing the fabric over her shoulder, Too engrossed in dressing to look at him.

"I- I don't know." She responded quickly as she put her arms into the sleeves. The sudden headache, She had sensed his prescense returning to the shrine. His soul aura, A rotten and vile tasting soul, One that [F/N] could sense from miles away.

And she could sense that it was angry.

"I've got to leave, Immediately. But for what it's worth, Akaza." [F/N] said, Finishing tying her obi and looking back at him once. Their eyes connecting once more within the cold seas that surrounded them.

[F/N] smiled slowly. It wasn't genuine, But the meaning behind it spoke more than she said.

"I really do appreciate what you did for me, As much as a bastard you are you're not a bad person. It's not much but thanks for helping this pathetic human being anyways" She nodded once before turning away, Running down the rickety dock back the way they came from without another word. Left with only the shocked visage of the demon behind her.

Akaza watched her run away, His body unmoving. He saw [F/N] get smaller and smaller as she navigated the maze of docks, Jumping and leaping away until she was a speck on the shadowed horizon, Leaving him completely alone.

Akaza blinked once, Only as she entirely disappeared did he snap out of his stupor. He muttered angrily under his breath for her delusion and wasting time before bending his knee, Pushing himself forward off the dock.

He leaped into the yearning abyss, [F/N]'s words being nothing but an aftertaste as he fell.

☆♡☆

[F/N]'s feet hit against the dock like storming raindrops on a tiled roof. She watched them carefully to make sure her sandals didn't get caught in the wide gaps or splintered off pieces of timber.

Her lungs laboured. The further she ran and the more she jumped between routes the more she could sense his aura, The putrid decay of his soul writhing around in her skin.

[F/N] had always been able to sense it somewhat. Though before it was fainter than others, Now the stench was overwhelming her. The rot of it reeking of death, And most importantly anger.

Sweat dripped down her brow. [F/N] begged to Inari that he had no idea of what happened with her and Akaza. If he found out and killed him then she was basically done for. She swallowed, Begging just a little more to her patron.

The way they had gotten out of the shrine in the first place was with care. Akaza snuck her out through the front and made sure that Kaigaku wasn't there to see them and follow on, Afterwards he had quickly shown the pathway out.

She knew that this might happen, Akaza had informed her of their link on the way to the edge. [F/N] knew that once Kaigaku knew they had left he would inform Kokushibo of the situation.

Though she wished she had more time. More time to figure out what she was going to do with her business partner.

Akaza himself. [F/N] didn't like him, She didn't like the way he reminded her of the boys from her youth or the fact that he slaughtered Rengoku. But as anyone else she saw the silver lining within the rusted metal, He had principles and stood strong.

She appreciated that. There was some semblance of good in him, There was with everyone and he was no exception. The morals he did have must of carried on from his human life but how he became a demon in the first place baffled her.

But it didn't matter, They weren't suppose to get personal.

It was business only.

[F/N] saw the shrine get larger in the distance. Her pace quickened along with her breath, She saw the growing tuft of leaves sticking out the middle and the dim lanterns lining the inner docks as she ran.

Though as it grew closer and closer, The more she saw the lights of the dock the more she could see the one thing she dreaded, And it was standing tall on the porch and looking down at her.

"[F/N].." Kokushibo drawled out as she stumbled onto the main deck. His face appeared emotionless but [F/N] could tell he was angry, The stench he put off evidence of that as his eyes narrowed in on her.

[F/N] bit her tongue as she came to a standstill. She looked up into his eyes yet noticed the bulging vein appearing on the side of his forehead. [F/N] gulped.

"Took you long enough to appear.. Was wondering where you were.. I was starting to think I'd need to drag you here myself.." Kokushibo commented lowly, Tilting his head as he seemed to gauge her appearance.

"..I'm sorry, Kokushibo-sama. I was busy.." [F/N] replied quickly, Trying to make sure the shakiness in her voice wasn't as noticeable as her expression.

Kokushibo's expression didn't shift in the slightest as he stared down at her, Eyes wide yet his lips pressed together in a deep frown. They stood there like that for a moment, [F/N]'s heart feeling like it was about to implode.

It was broken however by the knowing voice of her tormentor, Speaking out a single sentence.

"You tried to run again, Didn't you..?" He interrogated. He lifted a single foot and placed it down, He took a few steps down the short porch steps towards her. Slowly, He made his way down until they were only a metre or so apart.

[F/N] looked down at her feet and away from the blinding glow of his eyes. She steadied her breath no matter how shaky it was. She tried to think of an appropriate answer but the power coming off his aura made her head want to explode.

"Yeah.. I did." [F/N] answered slowly. "I want to get out of here. I don't want to be here."

Kokushibo hummed slowly, A deep reverberation coming out as a near growl within his throat. The way he looked at her sharpened, His gaze could cut through rock and pierced her deeply.

"How many times have I told you.. Being here is for your own good.. You are safe within these walls, You cannot get out.." He emphasised it in that same infantilizing tone, The way he spoke to her made the spark reappear. The one [F/N] desperately tried to hide from him in fear of retribution.

"..I'm sorry. It won't happen again." [F/N] said bluntly, Hoping to get this entire interaction over with as quick as possible and avoid the now burning eyeline of her captor.

He in turn took one more step towards her, Making their already suffocating distance too close for her taste.

"But.. From what I've been made aware of is that you've been out for a while.. Much longer than it should take for you to run the entire way.." Kokushibo pondered as he raised a finger to emphasise his point.

"What can I say? Blocky sandals, See?" [F/N] said, Pointing down to her feet. "Takes me longer to run in these, I thought you knew.." She said as she lied through her teeth.

Kokushibo nodded.

"I suppose you are correct there.. I cannot fault that.. But let me ask you this.." He agreed slowly as his eyes narrowed. [F/N]'s breath stilled as she dared to take a peak at him, Body going rigid on sight as his hand reached out to cup her cheek.

His hand tilted her face up to meet his, [F/N] struggled slightly but it was impossible within his strong hold.

"However if you were running.. Then why didn't you come from behind the shrine? You came from the front.. If you were truly trying to escape then you would've looped around to the back.." Kokushibo whispered, Irises digging into her like the fury of a thousand spears.

Her eyes widened.

[F/N] opened her mouth as she tried to speak, To respond to him with some rational explanation but her tongue felt like it was weighed down by rocks. She felt her stomach turn and twist into knots.

He knew something was up. He knew. Think of something, Say something, [F/N]. You need to explain this somehow, He can't know about you and Akaza or how you're planning to escape. Come on, Think.. THINK!

"I.." She stammered. The voice in her mind screamed and hollered at her to say something, Anything at all to try and explain this. [F/N]'s hands felt more and more clammier each and every second that passed, Her mind came up with blanks.

Kokushibo leaned down further towards her, Eyes like headlights in the fog as he scrutinized every tiny speck of her. Down to the very last atom she was bonded to was made aware of.

"You've found the escape route.. Haven't you?" He mumbled.

"I don't know how you've been able to find it.. Maybe on chance or perhaps you were informed.." The claws that were tracing her cheeks before started to dig in a little more, It took everything [F/N] had not to make a whine or whimper of pain.

Kokushibo's eyes shone brighter.

"But of course.. I made sure to ensure you were completely alone in this place.. So that wouldn't be the case, Correct?" He asked lowly and calmly but the radiation of his soul was akin to a maggot infested corpse, [F/N] knew what he was truly feeling.

Her mouth felt like a desert, The sand of it weighing down her tongue until she couldn't speak anymore. Even if she could she didn't know what to say. How would she get out of this? Would she need to throw Akaza under the bus?

She didn't want to and hell would it impede her escape if not end it but.. If she couldn't think of anything soon then that might be the case. The way Kokushibo was looking at her made her want to shrivel away into a corner more than she already did and she was absolutely horrified.

[F/N] swallowed back her fear as she spoke, Mind blank as her voice guided her along.

"I.. I.. I was informed." [F/N] said slowly as she looked into his eyes. He blinked, Almost surprised.

"..Hm? Really now..?" Kokushibo drawled, Prompting her to go on and see how she would explain her fault.

[F/N] gulped.

"Yes. I was told.." She confirmed, Not just to him but herself as well as she spoke. [F/N] had no idea what she was going to say even now as she started to ramble off.

His eyes narrowed in on her.

"Tell me now and perhaps I might forgive you for your little attempt, Just this once.." Kokushibo promised though it sounded more like a threat as his claws dug in just a little more, Urging her on.

[F/N] tried not to wince at the painful sensation. She looked deep into the eyes of which seemed to be vast golden oceans, Cold steel looking back at her as she took in a deep breath. A bead of sweat forming on her forehead. Was she really willing to sacrifice another for her own survival?

[F/N] found out as she spoke.

"..It was upper six."

Kokushibo's narrowed eyelids went agape along with the tightening of his lips. The bead of sweat dropped from her brow and onto the deck below as the oxygen in her lungs slowly departed.

He seemed to be thinking over her words. His own Tsuguko, The one he had so generously appointed to watch over his beloved little sister tried to help her escape from his grasp? [F/N] could only wonder what was going on inside his head.

"Upper six directed me where to go. He approached me a while back and told me you sent him to watch me, He said he didn't want me here because he didn't like observing me all the time." [F/N] said slowly, Making sure it sounded right.

[F/N]'s skittish expression formed back into a normal cold faced expression, Well, It was as stable as a toothpick tower but it was something. She still wasn't out of the woods yet, Whether he would believe her or not was up to a coin toss of fate.

Whether he believed her or not meant life or death.

"Upper six.. You are saying that he has been assisting you this entire time?" Kokushibo repeated, His eyes scanning over her body with a hawk-eye that could rival the bird itself.

"Yes.. He did. I'm sorry for listening to him.. Kokushibo-sama." [F/N] said as she felt the pounding of her heart against her ribcage, Drumming and beating almost as if it would expose her words for what they really were.

Kokushibo hummed slightly as the grip on her cheek got excruciatingly painful.

"…And.. You're telling the truth, You understand what will happen if I find out you are lying.. Right? It would end rather.. Horrendously" He asked again.

The threat was a burning inferno kept behind the closed door of his stoic tone, One where she could feel the heat licking at her skin and ready to engulf her at any given moment. It was burning, Absolutely scorching.

"Yes.. I understand and that's why I would never lie to you. I don't want to deal with the consequences." [F/N] said, Bowing her head down to meet her feet, Eyes fixed on her sandals not wanting to see his reaction and hide hers.

She didn't breathe. She waited on baited breath for what felt like hours, Days even. The cold air felt like the antarctic wind against her skin and ran a bone-chilling shiver down her spine. But [F/N] kept a poker face, Despite all odds her face made no move or twitch.

Kokushibo sighed before speaking.

"I'm glad you we're able to be honest with me, Little one.. I will deal with this soon.." Kokushibo said finally, Letting go of her cheek and taking a step back from her to let her breathe. [F/N] in turn quietly let go of a breath she didn't know she was holding.

She bowed once.

"Thank you.. Kokushibo-sama." [F/N] said, Her shoulders relaxing as she did. She felt as if she dodged the bullet of the century, Out of the woods and home free. Metaphorically of course, He wasn't that gracious.

"You won't try running back to the ledge.. Will you? You understand how fruitless an endeavour would be to try and escape from there.." He asked once more, His gaze still soft yet sharpened by an inch as he asked.

It didn't go unnoticed. [F/N] knew it well and took no time in nodding right back in response.

"..Yes. I.. I saw it and I understand.. I.. Won't be getting out anytime soon, I know that now.." [F/N] said, Trying to seem as defeated as possible in her tone and body language. Lowering her shoulders and her head drooping downwards.

Kokushibo stood there in silence for a second, Taking in her words. "Good.." He finally spoke, Nodding once in approval though he didn't smile or make any positive gesture. His face was still contorted in a disappointed scowl though it wasn't as harsh as it was.

"You have interrupted me during my feeding and I wish to return to it.. Now run off back inside.. And for your own good I hope you stay in there." Kokushibo said as he turned back. His arm lightly brushing her's as he passed her by.

A light shiver came by at the cold, Slow feeling of his forearm dragging past her. [F/N] didn't dare to turn around as he stalked past her, Her face as motionless as a statue as she waited for her.

"Be good.. Don't try anything else, I will know if you do.."

It was the last thing he said. The last thing [F/N] heard before a turn in the wind and the sudden lightening in weight of the dock. She didn't need to look around to know he had left, Leaving only the lingering vile stench of his soul to lilt in the air.

[F/N]'s body instantly relaxed, Her shoulders slumped and her head drooping to the side in relief. Her heart was still pounding in her chest yet it started to stutter and slow until it was a simple rhythmic beat in her ribcage.

"Thank Inari.." [F/N] sighed lightly under her breath. She had survived that somehow, Whether he believed it or not was a completely different matter but for now he had bought it.

Despite the fact she lied pooling in the depths of her stomach, Even if it was necessary it still left her with a nasty aftertaste. But that didn't matter, Her relief outweighed her disgust right now.

Hopefully, With any form of luck that would take the Upper six out of the picture. Maybe Kokushibo would deem him as a failure and behead the guy. Though, Even if she hadn't met him [F/N] still felt a little bad.

Whatever. She thought to herself.

[F/N] knew that it didn't matter anymore, She had done the right thing. He was a demon and it didn't matter whether he was beheaded or not, It was probably for the best too.

Besides, This would help her escape immensely. She would be able to get around without the threat of being spied on or not, She wouldn't need to worry about who was watching her without permission.

From her list step one was completed. At least half of it anyways, She had a route out and a plan to make the exit. [F/N] huffed a little, She was lucky at least, The things she use to do in her childhood seemed to come in handy after all.

Next up, She needed to find the sword and mask. She wasn't sure whether they were being kept within the shrine or somewhere else, That was her main concern. Right now though her next course of action would be to rest.

Pushing open the heavy doors of the shrine they came ajar with a creak, Stepping inside she was greeted with the emptiness of the hallway once more. [F/N] almost expected the chatter of Kakushi and the sound of muffled laughter among the hallways.

But as usual it was silent. Nothing but the scuttling of spiders and the settling of the old structure to keep her company, [F/N] didn't know why she expected anything different as it had been like that for the past while.

It brought her back to what happened before she got here. The people she use to talk to and the people she adored and cared about. Mitsuri, Her face was the first to appear along with others in similar fashion.

[F/N] wondered if they missed her at all, How things could of changed since she left. Wondered if Mitsuri had gotten over her death yet. [F/N] hoped so, Mitsuri deserves happiness and it brought her back to the time they were so young, New slayers going on missions.

Memories came back to her. [F/N] remembered how Mitsuri blew her first pay check on cherry blossom mochi and pork cutlets, They had laughed about it all night. She remembered how they stayed up all night to look at the stars, To speak of made up stories ingrained in them all until they fell asleep.

[F/N] didn't know what would happen when she got out of here, How Mitsuri would react to her being alive. Would she cry? Would she be angry with [F/N]?

She did get Seijun to wrestle her out of the shrine.. The way her face looked so scared back then, It was the last expression [F/N] knew of Mitsuri before she was taken.

[F/N] shook it off however, In whatever way Mitsuri would think of her once she was back with the corps [F/N] just hoped it would be positive. That maybe she would get to say those words, The ones she had been wanting to say more than anything.

As she took a few quiet steps down the hall, Her movements were shaky and swaying with every little settlement of her foot. [F/N] felt the weight of the day or night fall down onto her shoulders once more, Making them slump.

It wasn't an oddity. She had been much tired than usual lately, Even being exhausted when she just woke up or just doing menial tasks. Her body feeling like a worn out paper doll, Just yearning for the embrace of her bedsheets.

If she wanted to search for the mask and the sword then she would need her energy to do it. That and she needed to wait for Akaza to return with the materials she would need to construct her exit.

So as she dragged her feet down the hallway and her mind half-asleep, [F/N] knew that it was for the best if she went to bed. If she wanted to go searching for her stuff then she needed to do it on a full nights rest.

Hauling open the shoji door to her room she stumbled inside like a new-born fawn. She barely bothered to take off the green lotus pattern of her kimono, Only tossing it to the side once she pulled it off herself.

[F/N] collapsed onto the bed, Her body melting into that of a puddle as soon as the mattress caressed her skin. Her laboured breathing starting to slow into a drift as her mind did the same, Floating off into the dark unconscious of her mind.

The last thing she wondered was what dream she would appear in again. Would it be the cold wasteland of the blizzard or the warm embrace of the midsummer sun? Would she be faced with that of her other life or that of her past.

She'd find out soon enough. Her eyes fluttered shut and the darkness spread over her vision into a shadowed sea.

It was peaceful, And she begged to Inari that it would stay that way.

Next Chapter

#yandere #yandere x reader #tw yandere #moodboard #yandere x you #demon slayer #demon slayer kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer x reader #kimestu no yaiba #kokushibo #kokushibo x reader #yandere kokushibo #yandere kokushibo x reader #yandere platonic kokushibo #yandere platonic #kokushibo x you #upper moons #kokushibo x y/n #kokushibo headcanons #kny mitsuri #shinobu kocho #demon slayer shinobu #kny x you #michikatsu tsugikuni #michikatsu x reader #kny michikatsu #Michikatsu #Upper moon x reader

[maccreadysbaby]

Male Companions as Phobias

Danse; Atelophobia — an extreme fear of imperfection

Deacon; Alethophobia — an extreme fear of the truth

Gage; Proditiophobia — an extreme fear of being betrayed

Hancock; Monophobia — an extreme fear of being alone

MacCready; Atychiphobia — an extreme fear of failure

Nick; Athazagoraphobia — an extreme fear of losing memories

Preston; Koinophobia — an extreme fear of living an ordinary life

X6-88; Thanatophobia — an extreme fear of dying

#paladin danse #danse fallout 4 #danse fo4 #fo4 deacon #deacon fo4 #fallout deacon #deacon #deacon fallout 4 #porter gage fo4 #fo4 gage #fo4 porter gage #porter gage #mayor hancock #fo4 hancock #john hancock fo4 #hancock #john hancock #fo4 maccready #rj maccready #maccready #nick fo4 #nick valentine #valentine fo4 #valentine #fo4 preston #preston garvey fo4 #preston #preston garvey #x6 88 #x6 fo4

[horror-oberon-3]

PHOBIA HEADCANONS FOR MARBLE HORNETS

TW for mentions of death, gunshots, going insane, guns, knives and needles.

There’s also long words in here

Tim has the following phobias:

Phonophobia (defined as a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of sounds)

Dementophobia (the clinical term for an excessive or irrational fear of going insane)

Autophobia (an irrational, extreme fear of being alone)

Thanatophobia (an intense fear of death or the dying process) 

Pistanthrophobia (the fear trusting others and is often the result of experiencing a serious disappointment or painful ending to a prior relationship)

Brian has the following phobias: 

acrophobia  (extreme or irrational fear of heights.) (Except it's incredibly rational for him)

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (the fear of long words)

Thanatophobia

Jay has the following phobias: 

Phonophobia

Dementophobia

Pyrophobia

Hoplophobia (an irrational fear of guns) (very rational in his case)

Alex has the following phobias: 

Phonophobia

Dementophobia

Aichmophobia (irrational fear of sharp objects, which may include pins, knives, needles, scissors, and sharp corners

acrophobia

#marble hornets #alex kralie #brian thomas #jay merrick #tim wright #phobias #marble hornets headcanons #alex mh

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ The Boxers Fears ☆

Enough with the silly, this is a anti silly zone (for this post only) i hc them to have more than these but im putting the most prominent ones here, please feel free to correct me if i got anything wrong

i may be projecting a little here teehee

TW FOR: Blood, violence, emetophobia, mentions of abuse

Glass Joe

trichophobia (fear of loose hair) thanatophobia (fear of death) & athazagoraphobia (fear of being forgotten)

His trichophobia is naturally occuring, loose hair just makes his stomach turn, hes a neat freak because of that

His thanatophobia is also really normal, especially for someone who has come close to death many times thanks to him getting wrecked on the daily

His athazagoraphobia is from a sad childhood memory of his, his mom left him on the street as a teenager for a while because he was angry at her for not respecting his boundaries, he ended up almost dying from thirst & has never contacted his mom ever since

Von Kaiser

Glossophobia (fear of public speaking), Atelophobia (fear of imperfection) and Chronophobia (fear of time passing)

His glossophobia is pretty normal since hes socially awkward and crowds scare him a little

His Atelophobia stems from his childhood, he basically lived on academic validation & any sort of praise he got at work

His Chronophobia just...popped up in his head one day, he was trying to sleep when the thought of not being able to take any mistakes he had done back hit him like a train, it effects him really severely, causing him to overthink everything and then get more stressed about the fact that hes wasting time overthinking when he could right all the wrongs he did and it just turns into a loop.

Disco Kid

taphophobia (fear of being buried alive), claustrophobia (fear of tight spaces) and Ophidiophobia (fear of snakes)

His taphophobia comes from a nightmare he had as a child, it happened after a funeral too so it hit him hard and he couldnt sleep for a few days.

His claustrophobia is also from his taphophobia, hes just scared of being squashed to death.

His Ophidiophobia started to begin after one of his friends got hospitalized from a snake bite & got severely traumatized from it.

King Hippo

Thalassophobia (fear of drowning), megalophobia (fear of large objects) and Gerascophobia (fear of growing old)

His thalassophobia is mainly caused by all the tales of people he heard drowning back in hippo island if they went too far into the deep end, he knows it would take a lot for him to sink but it still freaks him out

His megalophobia is caused by the time a entire brick wall fell down on him, it was ridiculously tall too so it stuck with him for a eternity and still effects him.

His Gerascophobia came to him when he was with his Father while he was on his death bed, his dad tried to keep him calm as he died by talking about growing old, it didnt work on him, at all.

Piston Hondo

Atychiphobia (the fear of failure/rejection), Mazeophobia (fear of being lost)

His atychiphobia was with him (and still is) for a huge chunk of his life, he loved to talk about the things he had & had "weird" interests, due to this he got bullied and he decided to just stop talking about the things he likes due to that.

His Mazeophobia is pretty recent due to him going hiking with bear hugger & losing him, he was pretty much scared for his life because he didnt wanna die in the woods alone.

Great Tiger

Phasmophobia (fear of ghosts), aichmophobia (fear of sharp things) & pediophobia (fear of dolls)

He grew up with a lot of ghost stories & tons of urban legends so his phasmophobia was with him as soon as he could speak

His aichmophobia comes from a "prank" his "friends" did to him during a sleepover while he was trying to sleep, their bright idea was to tear a hole on the door with an axe to freak him out (how funny, right?), he thought they would break in so he held the door, long story short an axe literally went through his hand and hes out for blood now.

His pediophobia is from a old friend of his who had a lot of dolls & had a HUGE crush on tiger, she once gave him a handmade doll of him and he discovered his & her hair and blood along with teeth in it, anytime he sees a doll he gets nauseous because she left a impact on him. (are you seeing a pattern here?)

Don Flamenco

autophobia (fear of being alone), Entomophobia (fear of insects) and monatophobia (fear of dying alone)

His fear of being alone is getting better suprisingly, it originally stemmed from his dad abandoning him at a beach "to teach him a lesson" for a few hours. (holy fucking shit)

His Entomophobia just popped up one day, hes just naturally repulsed from bugs

And his monatophobia also came from the beach incident since he had a heat stroke along with it.

Bear Hugger

Tomophobia (fear of surgery) and the fear of being crushed to death (i couldnt find a official name for it)

His tomophobia is mostly prominent thanks to his families history with sketchy doctors & surgeries done im the worst way possible, he kept hearing tales of people dying from surgeries and that literally drove him mad

His fear of being crushed to death is mostly obvious when hes chopping down trees, especially tall ones, if it leans his way even a inch he'll change positions to make sure he doesnt become a human pancake™

Aran Ryan

Bathophobia (fear of deep holes), emetophobia (fear of vomitting)

His emetophobia is self explanatory, throwing up just disgusts him & leaves him feeling awful.

His bathophobia is from his teenage years where he fell into a well & proceeded to lie there for days until he got discovered by his dad, he refuses to go near deep holes and will hold onto anyone or anything near him if he has to go near one.

Soda Popinski

Methyphobia (fear of alcohol/getting drunk) & scopophobia (fear of being stared at)

Since he used to be a former alcoholic, his methyphobia becomes really visible at any events that have alcohol, he doesnt wanna go back to those times so he avoids it as much as possible

His scopophobia is from his teenage years where his alcoholism was developing, he kept being judged by people thanks to his alcoholism, whenever he walked into a place he would be known as the "alcoholic" of the room

Bald Bull

Trypanophobia (fear of needles), Hemophobia (fear of blood) Pungophobia (fear of being stabbed)

His Trypanophobia was basically with him all his life, he does his best to hide it away since he thinks its "childish"

His Hemophobia started after a nasty fight, he couldnt handle seeing that much blood all at once & passed out

His Pungophobia is also from said nasty fight, he got stabbed in the stomach when he was a teen & pretty much almost died

Super Macho Man

nyctophobia (fear of the dark), Ornithophobia (fear of birds

His nyctophobia is pretty normal since it was with him through out all his childhood.

His Ophidiophobia started after he almost had a eye pecked out by a seagull.

Mr Sandman

dystychiphobia (fear of accidents) & Catagelophobia (fear of being ridiculed)

His dystychiphobia stems from a car crash he got into when he was 14, nothing really bad happened thankfully but hes still working on not being scared of accidents

His Catagelophobia is very recent & shined bright after his TD match with mac, he didnt go out for a few days after that

#emetophobia tw #Violence tw #mention of abuse #mention of death #mention of alcohol #punch out wii #headcanon #punch out #don flamenco #bald bull #punch out headcanons #piston hondo #glass joe #aran ryan #great tiger #von kaiser #disco kid #super macho man #mr sandman #(Chucks this post through your window)

[cassieuncaged]

𝙊𝘾: 𝙄𝙡𝙬𝙮𝙣 𝘾𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧

Baldur’s Gate 3

𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕 𑁍

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎

𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲 | Ilwyn Crowdancer

𝗮𝗴𝗲 | 25

𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 | female

𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 | pansexual

𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲/𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆 | high elf

place 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻 | The High Forest

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲 | round

𝗲𝘆𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗿 | blue

𝗲𝘆𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲 | round

𝗹𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲 | thin

𝗻𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲 | button nose

𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲 | soft and often unblemished

𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁𝘆𝗹𝗲 | self cut, messily frames her chin, has a swipe of bangs over one eye

𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗿 | copper with a swathe of scarlet

𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲 | curvy

𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝘆𝗹𝗲 | wears a lot of robes considering her class as a sorcerer. Often intricate ones with embroidering and patterned fabric. Wears leather breaches beneath, for comfort

𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 | is very freckly, across the entirety of her body. Has a scar across her left cheek

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹𝗹 | briefly describe your oc’s personality here

𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘁𝘀 |

𑁍 compassionate

𑁍 principled

𑁍 kind

𑁍 strong

𑁍 optimistic

𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘁𝘀 |

𑁍 cowardly

𑁍 nervous

𑁍 pretentious

𑁍 childish

𑁍 neurotic

𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝘀 |

𑁍 charitable work and helping those in need

𑁍 spending time will her companions when she can. She often misses their company

𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝘀 |

𑁍 violence, though she understands why it is sometimes necessary

𑁍 arrogance, which makes her romantic relationship trying at times

𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀 |

𑁍 traveling Toril and studying different cultures

𑁍 enjoys baking pies and treacle tarts when she has the time

𑁍 reading ancient historical tomes

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇

𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 | prone to depressive states sporadically after the premature death of her mother. Often becomes catatonic and unresponsive during these occurrences.

𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 | is of relatively good health a resilient considering her age and species

𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗮(𝘀) | thanatophobia (the fear of dying)

𝗵𝘆𝗴𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗲 | absolutely adores taking a bath with honeysuckle soap though she sometimes smells of sweat and dirt from constantly roaming the continent

𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎

𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀 | long time partner and eventual wife of Astarion Ancunin.

𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 | animals, nature, magic, knitting, baking, adventuring

𝗲𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 | tutored in the ways of arcane magic and Druidic teachings

𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻(𝘀) | she becomes a historian after the brain falls. Her specialities are that of elven culture and the war of the Absolute. She’s kind of like Indiana Jones or Evie Carnahan: she should be nose deep in musty books but is more likely adventuring across Faerun.

𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀 | None really. Miriel was a stern and often emotionally withholding parent. Ilwyn often set to defy the wishes of her mother which she as born of natural rebellion. Miriel’s sudden death wounded the young elf greatly. Her father then retreated back to The High Forest, leaving his only child to remain in the Druidic sanctum in the city.

𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀 | Her father worshipped Silvanus while her mother was brought up worshipping Corellon Larethian but later welcomed the Oak Father’s embrace. Wynnie was encouraged to choose the path that best suited her and chose to study the teachings of both gods.

dividers by cafekitsune

#ocs #my ocs #bg3 oc #original character #oc bio #oc stats #oc: ilwyn

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

another bad take from that one post (we ALL know the one) that kinda got buried under all the ableism is that izaya's mistreatment of those suicidal girls was a just action and done out of pity for, like, "actual" suicidal people?

like. analyzing izaya's relationship with suicide and why he has this... uh.... "hobby" in general is super interesting, and here its just the most blandest woobified interpertation of it possible

like- if izaya IS mentally ill and the symptoms of said mental illness are why he's Like That, it creates this interesting thought of, suicide is the natural endpoint of those girls' mental illnesses, and izaya's actions are the natural endpoint of his. suicide is both a) understandable from the standpoint of how it reduces (er, eliminates) the victim's suffering and b) incredibly hurtful and damaging to those in the victim's perprhiary. AND notwithstanding suicide, mentally ill people whos symptoms cause them to hurt others are (generally) given compassion and understanding for their symptoms, while still being held accountable for the harm they've caused.

so if izaya's actions are from untreated mental illness, can they be seen thru this same framework? about how his actions are understandable from his perspective since they (at least in the moment) migitate his suffering, but are also extremely hurtful? and that, because everyone around him wants him to be held accountable or for karma to get his ass, without having any compassion or understanding of his symptoms, that a fundamantal aspect of this setup is missing and that's why nothing ever seems to change? because people see him not as a mentally ill person deluding himself into thinking that his symptoms are all active decisions made by him that he's in control over, while actively losing control of them, but as an iredeemable and actively malicious man who genuinley IS on top of things and orchestrated literally everything- basically, believing the lie he puts on for people, including himself?

and another angle is WHY he fixates on suicide specifically. was he suicidal in middle school when he was more reserved? does it have ties to his thanatophobia in that he wants to understand what drives a person to suicide, only to be repeatedly dissapointed when its mundane reasons AND that they're scared of dying? (ergo, something COULD happen to him that can drive him to suicide, since these girls were driven to it by a mundane event- AND that his fear of death will not save him from these urges)

does he realize that his plan to die in battle DOES count as a suicide, and he's projecting those feelings onto other people and focusing on their suicidal ideation instead of his own?

it's a fascinating topic!!!

#izaya orihara #orihara izaya #durarara #yeah yall get two today yer welcy #if u dont know what post im talking abt: it was a really ableist take on izaya dont worry abt it dkdbsmdhdjdb #waposts

[rosy-posy-posts]

— NOTES — 

𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗜𝗡𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:

CHARACTER (FULL) NAME: 

• Cross / Sans  

NICKNAME: 

• Mono (BY ROSALIE) • C (BY ROSALIE AND OTHERS)

DATE OF BIRTH: 

• October 10th  

AGE: 

• 30 

SEXUALITY: 

•  Bisexual 

PRONOUNS:

• He / Him • They / Them 

𝗣𝗛𝗬𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗟 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘:

HEIGHT: 

• 6’1 FT / 185.93 CM 

RACE/SPECIES: 

• Skeleton Monster 

TYPE OF BODY/BUILD: 

• He is toned and muscular when summoning his ecto magic. The tint of the color is a vivid violet. (He is more like an inverted triangle shape for men. Cross is broad, developed chest and shoulders taper down to a narrow waist and hips).

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇:

• PHYSICALLY: 

» Cracked Eye / Bone Chips - The origins of these wounds happened when he broke away from XGaster. He operated the absoluteness of his purple magic to the fullest extent, resulting in him shattering his eye socket. With that statement in mind, the skeleton also had bone chips. (Rosalie cured the slight damages). In difference, his lover could not heal his eye because the impairment couldn’t be convalesced. 

• FEARS/PHOBIAS:

» Bovinophobia (FEAR OF COWS) (DEFINITION) - It is the excessive fear and often irrational fear of cows or cattle. Thanatophobia (FEAR OF DEATH OR DYING) (DEFINITION) - This terror is a fear of death or dying. Someone might be scared of their death or the death of a loved one. (This worry stems primarily around Papyrus and Rosalie). 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: 

HOW DOES HE SPEAK? 

• Technical / Serious • Sometimes Light-Hearted 

» This notion is due to the actions of his personality and upbringing. The skeleton had to follow the orders of XGaster or get punished out of line. Not to mention being part of the Royal Guard. It's why he is consistently technical and solemn. Therefore, he always stayed in his monotone form. On the contrary, he does have relaxed junctures. It is when Cross breaks away from his conformed mold once he is in the Omega Timeline. 

DO THEY SWEAR? 

• They, Cross, rarely swears. 

VOICE: (VIDEO)

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMdcEtq3yQU → This is more of how his voice sounds.

𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚:

SHIRT(S): 

• A simple black breathable, lightweight material, T-Shirt. Cross’s clothing is to his lower hip measurement. • A comfortable ombre white, ebony, and various purple(s) jacket without the zipper. The white X connects to the jacket as well. The range can gravitate toward the center of his apparel. 

BOTTOM(S): 

• A straightforward pair of sweatpants adjacent to skinny jeans with pockets. The shade is identical to the color of his shirt, with the drawstrings being white. The lower half of the material is (tucked) inside his boots. SOCKS/SHOES: 

• They are plain-clothed calf boots. Furthermore, the shoes match the entire black apparel. Alongside the cords with the white. (The center where his ties are is a lighter ebony). 

ACCESSORIES: 

• EYE PATCH: » A white eye patch with a white X over it. It is continuously over his damaged eye. Cross has multiple of these around the house, with Rosalie’s medicinal healing properties infused inside them. The patches decrease the headaches/migraines and itchiness in and around the socket. • NECKLACE

» A golden heart locket is equivalent to his friends and family. It was given to him by Frisk. 𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗜𝗡𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:

SOUL TRAIT: 

• White / Monster 

(PREVIOUS) TIMELINE: X-TALE / UNDERVERSE (CURRENT) TIMELINE: OMEGA TIMELINE

LV: 

• LV: 8 

HP: 

• HP: 52/52

ATK: 

• ATK: 26 

DEF: 

• DEF: 13 

TOTAL EXP:  ★★★★★

POWER/ATTACK(S): 

• BONE ATTACKS / MANIPULATION • GASTER BLASTER(S): 

» Cross can summon a female skull-shaped blaster of a dragon that will fire a purple and white magic beam/laser. • TELEPORTATION:  

» Cross can teleport himself, opponents, and attacks. He typically uses this ability in a battle to dodge invasions and to make it hard to dodge his attacks. Nonetheless, this tires him out if used frequently. • SOUL MANIPULATION: (PURPLE MODE) » The power to make the enemy souls affected by gravity. While affected, the opponents have their movements heavily restricted and can only jump to move. Cross can also use this to lift and haul individual soul(s), letting him slam them around with relatively diminutive physical strength. This notion drains his magic quicker than the rest of his attacks. Therefore, he only uses it rarely. 

FIGHTING STYLE: 

• ★★★★★ » Cross’s fighting style commonly uses close and distance brute force aggression, acknowledging the reasoning of his stats. The skeleton can also dodge and defend! On the other hand, he isn’t perfect in assertive matches and often could get injured. Moreover, he can and would kill if there were no other option. 

WEAPON(S)/ARMOR: 

• GIANT KNIFE: (PREVIOUS) (WEAPON) » This notion is known as “Hack Knife”. It is where the gray was in X-EVENT mode, alongside the red where it corrupts the timelines. (Regardless, utilizing this item was in the specific period when Chara possessed him). • TWIN DAGGERS: (CURRENTLY) (WEAPON) » These objects are what he operates generally. They are twin daggers, as stated above. Cross did make them sharper and deadly upon foes. Furthermore, they have black shreds of his previous clothing still attached to them.

• BODY ARMOR: (PREVIOUS) (ARMOR) » These articles existed around timeline X. (Cross doesn’t wear them anymore because they are too bulky and difficult to combat). Unfortunately, the suit is not with him anymore, understanding it was part of his old home.

OTHER: • [ INVENTORY / ITEM ]

» A place where Cross can store his specialties. These pieces can be purchased, found, and used. They can even be held in dimensional boxes or sold in SHOPS. 

𝗙𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗬: 

SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): 

CANON:

• Rosalie (SOUL of Kindness) → MORE INFORMATION:  ★ https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rosy-posy-posts 

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗧𝗦:

EXTREMELY SKILLED AT: 

• Fighting / Sparring • Brave / Leadership • Reading / Planning

EXTREMELY UNSKILLED AT: 

• Cooking / Baking 

• Workaholic / perfectionist • Computer / Technologies (TO A DEGREE)

GOOD CHARACTERISTICS: • Honest / Loyal • Awareness / Intelligence • Respectful / Courageous CHARACTER FLAWS:   

• Papyrus and Rosalie are his weaknesses. • Closed off about some aspects of his past. • He is stubborn about particular elements of his life.

PERSONALITY: 

• Morally Grey (NEUTRAL)

» Morally Grey is a term used to represent a neither fair nor wrong character. They have no motivation to do either action. In reflection, these individuals follow their ambition rather than of greater interest or immorality. 

• SUMMARY: » Cross is an indifferent personality. Nonetheless, some beings in the Omega Timeline think he is a threat because of his nature. (He acts as if he must do what is necessary to keep the many alive if it sacrifices the few). The skeleton proves them wrong by giving the ones he loves more purpose: Papyrus, Rosalie, and his close friends.

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘: • The skeleton grew up in a harsh background until he resided in the Omega Timeline. Cross was trained in the Royal Guard to protect Frisk from unknown individuals when they went to their surface, alongside other ordeals. (Notwithstanding, he felt that there was a silent battle between his friend and XGaster. Additionally, he felt pieces of his life were missing). • In his confidential missions, he went to various timelines to gather intel. This period was before and during TIMELINE X. He stumbled across a multiverse with Rosalie inside. A year later, they began to date. (Albeit, he didn’t know that XGaster was erasing parts of his recollections after he gathered knowledge. Nor that his friend was plotting to use him). 

• Once the alternate universe was a blank slate and Chara possessed him, Cross overlooked who he was, letting the child feed delusions of telling him what he liked to hear. Moreover, this notion is where he meets Ink and becomes friends. • The X-EVENT plays out, acknowledging that Cross wants to save his home. Regardless, conserving it would be frivolous. (This is like the canon version until he gets to the Omega Timeline). Once he realized he could not save his home. He began apprehending himself better. • The fight with Nightmare and Killer. It was to cut all ties off with his former self that Chara believed him to be. After he won, he began to go back to Rosalie. (This memory is where they had held hands under the tree together, remembering everything before this conflict. It was before the battle as well)! • In a considerable time, the battle with XGaster ensued, despising the treatment he endured previously. His family and comrades were under his control, too. The skeleton wanted to rescue them but couldn’t. Cross had to save himself to free them. (To note, he cannot at this duration of time. In addition, they are not as influential as the skeleton was). He primarily utilized all of his magic. (Rosalie did help him in this action, understanding that it was mainly their love that conquered all. This trial prompted XGaster to loathe the human female). • Three years pass when Cross protects Rosalie because of threats from XGaster. Notwithstanding, he was also healing, training, and channeling his magic better to protect the Omega Timeline. • Trials of the Multiverse: This notion is where Nightmare has the final control over him because Cross has deep-seated negative emotions about his former home. He has not uttered anything about this to anyone, especially Rosalie. Nonetheless, his lover snaps him out of that headspace and tells him there can be ways to release them. Therefore, they defeat this dispute.

In due course, he lives happily and healthily with Rosalie in the Omega Timeline! (They try to discover a way to free his brother and friends)!

𝙎𝙊𝙐𝙍𝘾𝙀/𝘾𝙍𝙀𝘿𝙄𝙏: (𝙋𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙐𝙍𝙀𝙎)

★ https://twitter.com/AsherarYoko 

𝙈𝘼𝙄𝙉 𝘾𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙏𝙊𝙍: (𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍𝙏𝘼𝙇𝙀)

★  https://twitter.com/tobyfox?lang=en — TWITTER: @tobyfox

𝘾𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙏𝙊𝙍 𝙊𝙁 𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙊 (𝘾𝙍𝙊𝙎𝙎 𝙑𝘼𝙍𝙄𝘼𝙉𝙏): ★ Rosy Posy (ME)

#undertale #undertale oc #xtale #underverse #xtale cross #undertale ocs #omega timeline

[transatoru]

i just had an epiphany.

orochimaru changes after being heavily exposed to their trauma just like tsunade. like, i'm not saying it's ok, i just connected the dots, plot-wise.

both of them develop their phobias (tsunade has hemophobia- fear of blood, orochimaru we could argue has thanatophobia - fear of death) during the war. tsunade saw her younger brother nawaki being nothing more than a mass of gruesome blood probably, and her lover dan dies by blood loss under her own bloody hands. orochimaru (at least in the anime) had their parents getting killed on duty, saw nawaki dying in front of their eyes, and then saw tsunade being completely shattered by loss just after dan dies under her.

during the battle between naruto and kabuto, naruto is heavily injured and there's blood everywhere of course and tsunade is paralized. just- completely paralized. she starts to act when she founds something to fight for again, a place in their twisted shinobi world. she fights back because she deeply wants to protect naruto and because (her words) she's the fifth hokage and they want to protect konoha.

orochimaru, on the other hand, is killed by sasuke and there's so much fear when they get absorbed by him - screaming about how they cannot die, because they are immortal, they just can't. after that, during sasuke vs itachi, we see orochimaru getting sealed by itachi's susanoo's totsuka blade. of course they don't die, but ... they also do, you know? and what happens after they come back? they watch sasuke, then they watch kabuto, and change. they no longer feel like being the wind themself or set them the wind, but they want to see what sasuke does from now on because his behavior is something that orochimaru didn't expect and they're curious.

this post isn't to justify any character mentioned, their actions or anything - i just find interesting how much tsunade and orochimaru are somehow similar but they like... are so different from one another.

#orochimaru #senju tsunade #teo posts #naruto #nrt #maybe it's my orotsu heart making me See Things #kishimoto you bastard give us a spin off about the past!! about the sannin!! come on!!

[pansear-doodles]

Hi Pan!

I recall a post made by you titled "thanatophobia" (which iirc was the fear of death) and it being Hunter. What's up with that, and what seems to be Hunter's fear of death, if such a fear exists for them?

Hunter has the fear of death, yes. You know with the whole thing with Hunter's deal with their illness and that it holds them back.

While they express they're absolute "fuck all. live your life to the fullest", they still acknowledge that their life is precious and feel that every second that passes, they are on a tightrope.

In my au, every living being goes through the specific cycle of dying but coming back alive the next day (cartoonish death), but there exists permanent death (ascension) and death to reincarnation (when your body is too weak and too scarred to go on and instead of coming back alive, your body dies but the soul is transferred to a new one (therefore reincarnating))

Hunter is very close to death to reincarnation and does not want to take risks, but wants to express their adventurous self because its what keeps them going and happy. Ever since I've watched Puss in Boots The Last Wish, this is the kind of feel I want Hunter's story to be forward.

They haven't underwent a cartoonish death for a long time.

#ask

[thequietones111]

I would like to explore the possibility of horcrouxes being the ultimate form of self-harm for someone who has Thanatophobia like Tom Riddle.

The fear of dying was what pushed him to dabble further than any of his peers. Voldemort seems to be a equaly narciccistic as he is self-loathing and I think he did make his first horcroux just as a failsafe but the others? The act of creating more and more was an expression of self-harm in a way no other wizard ever came close to and I think it would really be interesting to explore that side of his actions in the future.

What Harry found under the bench in limbo was apalling for a reason.

#tom riddle #lord voldemort #harry potter

[chronicbeans]

The Heilwald Loophole Dr. Randolph Headcanons:

Yippee!!! I love this game!

TW: Chronic/Terminal Illness, Thanatophobia (fear of death/dying), Arguments/Fighting, Body Horror/Hospital Horror, Surgery

•Dr. Randolph is generally a very smart man, but when it comes to medicine, he's not that great at it. Like, he knows how to provide treatment (surgery, medication, First Aid, etc), but not when it is needed. He'll look at someone with signs and symptoms of a simple cold, then say that they need like... lung surgery or something. He also just really likes to perform surgery, for some reason.

•He can speak fluent English, but for the life of him, he can't read or write it. I mainly got this idea from the "Benefits of the surgical removal of the lecur" paper (I think it is meant to be in English, due to there being moments when the player mentions that something is in German, like the maintenance sign). I am pretty sure he was trying to write "liver", since he is the guy that wants to remove livers. He can read his own "English" (read: gibberish), but no one else can. So, he'll give a whole speech in English, reading from a paper that he wrote, and none would be the wiser to how bad his writing is. He gets away with reading professional research papers in English by trucking someone else into reading it aloud for him. No one really knows that he can't actually read or write in English, since he is pretty good at hiding it.

•He is "tired" a lot of the time, to the point of extreme fatigue. He knows that his tiredness is actually fatigue, and not simply being tired, but doesn't want to admit it. This fatigue adds onto his temper, making him quick to snap at staff when he doesn't need to keep up appearances or is not in front of patients. This all culminated in an argument with Nurse Astrid that grew physical, which Dr. Hauser witnessed, over the paper she was writing about Dr. Randolph's work. This event is what caused Dr. Hauser to grow scared of Dr. Randolph, as well as causing Astrid to grow quiet and a "shell of her former self" according to her coworkers.

•Dr. Randolph's speech at the beginning of the game, where he mentions wanting to provide a better, or at least different option than death to the patients of the Heilwald Klinikum, is actually more about himself than the patients. The reason why he wants to remove your liver is because he, himself, is suffering from chronic liver failure. He was determined to work at the hospital, having heard that it was one of the best in Germany and, supposedly, had the capacity to work miracles due to the forest around it having special properties. He wanted to avoid his seemingly inevitable death from his disease, due to his severe Thanatophobia. In his opinion, there is no fate worse than death. His wish was fulfilled, since after a while, everyone became incapable of dying in the Heilwald Klinikum. They also couldn't leave. And... some of the staff started to change... but his wish to never die was fulfilled.

•On the idea of him stealing your liver... when he steals it, he does so with the intention to transplant it into himself. While he won't ever die from his condition, he still suffers from the symptoms of liver failure. So, he will gladly take yours and put it into himself. The newly transplanted livers always begin to fail soon after, but it does provide some relief for a little while. You also seem to just show up like nothing happened, anyway, so you aren't harmed by it, in his opinion.

•The physical changes to the staff are, depending on the staff member, representative of their state of mind. An example would be Nurse Astrid, who, after the incident with Dr. Randolph, became closed off. So, when she started changing, she basically grew an iron lung around herself to protect herself from harm, but she is still in pain. Other staff members that simply changed as a consequence of being in the hospital have less drastic changes, such as Nurse Sabine. Dr. Randolph's changes at the end of the game are a representation of all of his locked up anger at everything. His condition, how everything regarding his wishes turned out, and just everything. There is no specific thing or person he is angry at, so he just became a mangled mess of a... Whatever he became at that point...

#the heilwald loophole #Dr. Randolph #The heilwald loophole Dr. Randolph