#the characters that try so fucking hard and sacrifice everything for others always get me right in the heart

[adainesfroggieboggy]

siobhan thompson appreciation post because her characters just make me so happy and they're so. good. she's so good at characters! spoilers for every intrepid heroes season of d20. i could do a whole other post about her sidequest characters bc they're so good.

Adaine Abernant. The Elven Oracle. She's always been one of my absolute favorite characters ever. Her anxiety representation in the first season makes me feel more seen, understood, and represented than any other character ever. She's literally so cool! She starts freshman year as an awkward nerd and becomes a cool nerd! Her anxiety never goes away, but the medication makes it manageable. She hates her parents because they're awful! Just the rep of having awful parents and hating them and that's okay because they suck! You should hate your parents if they suck as bad as the Abernants! Not everyone gets a redemption arc. If they suck, they suck.

Misty/Rowan. Misty is the perfect representation of an old lady who gives no fucks. She flirts so hard with that guy at the pixie wedding. She openly admits to having been friends with John Wilkes Booth. But at the same time? Will not give her age. A lady never tells. She's absolutely ancient and doesn't fucking care, but she also has this undertone of absolute existential panic because she needs adoration to survive! She stays relevant because she has to! Don't get me started on Rowan. I have a crush on Rowan Berry. She's reborn and immediately starts flirting with Pete, which is iconic in its own right. She's a bard who gives bardic inspiration by either flirting or complimenting, and sometimes the lines blur just a little bit. Absolute queen shit. She defeats the queen of Faerie and has no desire to go back until the Fae court tells her hey. You left us with no leader. And then brings democracy to Faerie! President Rowan!

Ruby Rocks! She starts the season as a kid who loves her sister just so much. That's the most integral part of her character. She's a princess and a rogue, and she loves her sister. She has a lot of development over the season! She ends as a woman who fights for her family and her country. She hates Saccharina when they first meet, a new sister on the tails of the loss of the most important person she's ever had. After Jet's death, she's overcome with grief and takes a level of shadow sorcerer because of it! Her development is amazing, a truly wonderful arc.

Iga Lizowski! Oh. My. God. She's the first pc that is a mom in d20, or at least in the Intrepid Heroes. Her relationship with her kids is so fun to watch, from urging Jessica to engage with the chest to bringing her into another part of the Unsleeping City. Then Nick, who she hadn't pressed at all to take responsibility for the chest, decides to become another defender of his family's magic! Not only is she an amazing mother, she's a fortune teller by trade! She knows full well that everything she does has merit, and that magic is real, but makes it all seem like a lie to cater to her clientele. It's not her intention to become a part of the Dream Team, but when her family is threatened, she fights like hell. Also she has a pseudodragon that's just a magical chihuahua and that's so old ladycore it's such a perfect choice.

Riva. They're just on their gallivant, honestly. They decorate their psychodrone with magnets. They're trying to sell pleasure putty. They make their own hours, but they don't know how. Riva is sweet and fun and naive. They love their friends and they love the outside world and they're having a great ass time on their gallivant.

Rosamund. Du. Prix. Quick little shoutout to Siobhan's princess voice because no joke she did my favorite accent. It borders on transatlantic (my favorite accent) but is very Disney princess. She starts as a Disney princess, too! To have a character looking for her true love wake up, search for him, and ultimately sacrifice her chance at having him is *mwah* beautiful. True love isn't real! She directly confronts this, and a member of her party is living proof of it. She has to see the prince who came to save her, and upon meeting him, she realizes how fucked the idea is. He kisses her once and that's all? She doesn't know him, she doesn't love him. How can she live happily ever after with him? Her story is about having things happen to her, but she wrenches the pen from the authors' hands and writes her fucking own! Once upon a time, there was a princess who tried speed dating!

#fantasy high #fantasy high sophomore year #the unsleeping city #the unsleeping city spoilers #fantasy high spoilers #a crown of candy spoilers #a crown of candy #a starstruck odyssey #dimension 20 neverafter #neverafter #neverafter spoilers #adaine abernant #rowan berry #misty moore #ruby rocks #iga lisowski #riva #rosamund du prix

[lizzie-is-here]

Helloo here again to request another K.B fanfic where Kate purposely tries to get in an argument with Y/n so they would break up because she thought the king pin situation was getting a little too dangerous and she didnt want Y/n to be involved so she said harsh things to her till Y/n got really hurt and broke up with her but then Y/n still wanted to be friends with Kate so she kept bugging Kate till Kate stops ignoring Y/n again and they hang out with each other again and end up getting back together and Kate admits that she didnt mean everything and that it was all just to protect Y/n bcs she couldnt afford losing her and she also says she still really loves and cares for Y/n and always has bcs Kate realized nothing can or will separate her from Y/n?😊💜

Ooo can u pls make it really angsty to and fluffy in the end? Tysm!💜

(Hope it's not to much😅)

Fem R to btw Tyyy!

Lots of love!💜

🤍request!🤍

character: kate bishop x fem!reader

warnings: cussing, angst, arguing, kate being an ass with good intentions

a/n: ok i changed it around a little bit, but i tried my best on the arguing 😭 it hurt to write y’all but it was emotionally satisfying in a weird way too. anyway hope u enjoy!

“You know, it’s, uh… It comes with a price.”

“What does?”

“This life you wanna live. To really help people. I mean, try to help people, anyway. Comes with a lot of sacrifices. And some things you’ll lose… forever.”

When Kate texted you saying that she needed to talk, you weren’t sure what to think. And now, standing out in the freezing cold outside of your shared apartment, you still aren’t.

“What do you mean, ‘break up’?” you ask, watching Kate’s face fall. “We’ve been together for two years, I thought it was going really well. Did I do something wrong-“

She shakes her head immediately, instinctively dropping into Protective Girlfriend™️ mode.

“No, no, no, no, no no,” she says. You narrow your eyes.

“Then what’s going on? Why aren’t you being honest with me?” You take her hand. “I want to help you. I promise, whatever it is, we can figure it out together.”

Ouch. Right in the heart. Kate sighs, steeling her resolve as she realizes this is gonna be a lot harder than she anticipated.

“Why does it matter?” she demands, raising her voice. “Every time I look at you, my stomach just fucking drops. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand you. Whatever we had, it’s gone now.”

“Not everything can be solved by just ‘talking it out’, and I know that that’s hard for you to understand, but it’s true. I gave up on us months ago.” She forces each word out, hoping that you’ll break up with her quickly and she won’t have to spew more lies.

But instead of backing down, you fire back. “You’re still lying! Kate, what is going on?”

You know her too well. All of the late nights and early mornings, all of the movie nights and drives to nowhere built up. And now you know each other better than yourselves.

She knows what she needs to do, no matter how much it’s going to hurt.

“I’m not sure how much more obvious I can be, (Y/N), the signs are everywhere. I don’t love you anymore!”

You don’t reel back like they do in movies. You don’t flinch. You go deadly still, meeting the gaze of the woman you love, and you take a shaky breath.

“I hope whatever you’re doing all this-“ You gesture around. “-for is worth your efforts. Because I clearly wasn’t.” Your eyes flit over her form. “Goodbye, Kate.”

You hurry inside before the tears fall, leaving her alone in the cold. She nods in satisfaction, even if she’s emotionally wrecked now. She won. She came here to do one thing, and she accomplished that.

As Kate walks away, though, it still feels like she lost.

———————————————————————

After that night, you were what one would call a hot mess.

You were already on break from college, but you were moping around even more than usual over the past few days. To lift your spirits, you had tried nearly anything that took your mind away from your girlfriend.

So now, your apartment smelled like cookies (several plates of which were stashed away), there were several bags from your retail therapy trip, and the TV had only displayed Hallmark Christmas movies for the past 48 hours. Plus, all of Kate’s things had been shoved into a closet.

But every time you put a new baked good into the oven or ordered another cart of clothes, you thought about Kate. You couldn’t help it.

In all fairness, when you spend that much time around someone and abruptly stop seeing them, you’re bound to miss them. Even if they were a bit of an asshat to you. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

On one hand, Kate had been very forthcoming about what she thought of you. And it wasn’t nice. You winced every time you remembered her harsh words.

On the other hand, something was clearly going on. And even if that didn’t give her behavior a pass, it provided an explanation.

Plus, if something serious was going down, you wanted to help her, even just as a friend.

It’s four days later, on Christmas morning, when you finally cave.

‘Hey, it’s me’ you type before quickly deleting it.

“Of course it’s you, dipshit,” you mumble.

‘Hey, I know things kind of went to shit the other day but if you wanna hang out and talk sometime I’d be totally up for that :)’

You analyze the message. “Is that too passive? Maybe.” After a few minutes of back-and-forth, you shake your head decisively. “No, it’s fine, I’m just gonna send it.”

Taking a few breaths to hype yourself up, you hit send and immediately fling your phone away.

“Oh, god, that’s too cringey, why did I send that, she’s gonna think I’m some desperate loser. I bet she’s telling me to fuck off right now-“

Grabbing your phone, you pause. No response. But she read it.

“So we’re playing that game,” you chuckle. “Alright, Bishop. Let’s go.”

———————————————————————

At the Barton’s house, Kate is miserable. She already feels bad enough for deliberately arguing with you and saying all that shit, and now you’re reaching out.

Well, more like sending messages every two minutes that get increasingly more passive-aggressively polite.

Kate’s phone displays 174 messages from your contact. A ding.

175.

She groans from the bottom of her soul, flopping onto the couch as Lucky licks her hand.

Clint, being the perceptive Avenger/assassin he is, notices her very obvious wallowing.

“What’s wrong, kid?” he asks, not sure if he wants to hear the answer.

She pushes herself up. “Wait, you actually want to know?”

“Eh, not really.”

Laura gently elbows him as she grabs the shreds of wrapping paper from the floor to throw in the trash. “Clint…”

“Fine. Yes.”

“I started an argument with my girlfriend so she would break up with me and now she’s being too nice and asking to hang out this week and I don’t know what to do,” Kate sobs, burying her head into a throw pillow.

Clint holds up a hand. “Okay, slow down. Let’s start at the beginning. Why did you start a fight with her?”

Kate shrugs. “You said that this life came with sacrifices,” she reasons.

“And that correlates… How?”

“So I gave up something important so she wouldn’t get hurt.”

Clint thinks he might have an aneurysm right then and there. “Kate. Kate. What part of ‘This life comes with sacrifices’ equals ‘break up with your girlfriend’?”

She opens and closes her mouth a few times. “Well, it just sounded like you were talking about sacrificing a person… or something.”

“I have a wife and three kids! I meant your private life and your free time!” he exclaims.

Kate bolts up faster than Nathaniel Pietro Barton’s second namesake and grabs her phone.

“Oh my god, I have to apologize. I need flowers, and lights, and jewelry, and-“

“Calm down, kid,” Clint says. “First things first, you need a quick flight back home. I’ll call in a favor from Tony, I’m sure he can get you a quick flight.”

Ten minutes later, Kate’s packed up and ready to go, and a private jet is getting ready at the airport. After hugging the Barton family goodbye and wishing them a Merry Christmas, her and Clint scramble into the car and drive off.

They make it to the airport in record time, skipping security with a single flash of Clint’s ID.

“Alright, you better not screw this up,” he says.

She nods, bouncing on her heels. “Yeah. Yeah, I won’t. I’ve got this.” Jumping at the archer, she pulls him into a hug. “Okay, thanks so much gotta go, bye!”

———————————————————————

You gave up after three hours of messages, resorting to moping about. Some Christmas this was.

It’s 7:30 and pitch black outside when you hear a knock on your door. You pause before opening it, until you hear a familiar voice.

“Please open this! I don’t wanna drop your gifts- I mean my stuff!”

“Kate?” You fling open the door.

Your girlfriend (Ex? Whatever, technicalities) is carrying a bouquet of lily of the valleys and sprigs of holly, a jewelry box, and a disturbingly large bag of holiday foods.

“I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry, and I want to explain. You don’t have to take me back, just, please, hear me out?”

You don’t have the heart to turn her away, so you nod, stepping aside as she shuffles in.

She drops everything on the counter, sinking into the couch. You sit, keeping a bit of distance.

“You said you wanted to explain,” you begin, nodding to her. “So?”

Despite the jet lag, Kate rushes into the story.

“So, this is going to sound crazy, but I’ve spent the last six days with Clint fucking Barton- I know, insane.”

Your eyebrows raise. Her literal hero? Damn, so that’s what was going on with that giant arrow and the rumors of a second Hawkeye.

“And we were dealing with some pretty dangerous people. Mob bosses, mercs, Russian assassins, you know.”

You didn’t know.

“And… I thought if they figured out about our relationship, you’d be in danger. And I couldn’t let you get hurt from my mess.”

“I’m sorry I went about it the way I did. You were right, I should’ve just talked to you about it. I was just so… scared.”

You soften. Yes, she made a mistake. A big-ass mistake. But she made it from a place of worry and love. Smiling, you take her hand.

“I forgive you. I know you must’ve been worried, and everything must have been going so fast…” She begins to sniffle and you pull her into a hug. “You had good intentions, Kate. It’s alright now.”

She buries her face in your hair. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean any of the shit I said, I was just-“ Unable to manage more words, she just shakes her head.

You softly shh her, nodding in understanding.

“Does this mean I can stay here for a while?” she asks, voice shaking. “‘Cause I had to arrest my mom and I really don’t want to live with my stepdad after she framed him for murder and I tried to chop off his face.”

“Kate, baby,” you chuckle. “You’ve had a tough few days, huh?” She only groans. “Of course you can stay. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I kicked you out of our apartment?”

She jumps from your arms before you can react, wide-eyes and suddenly 12x more hyper.

“You’re taking me back?”

You nod, smiling at her antics. Without a pause, Kate scoops you up, spinning around in circles as you squeal. “Oh my god, thank you! I’ll never pull that shit again, (Y/N), I promise.”

“I know, I know,” you laugh as she slows, still holding you up. “I am making you do the dishes for two months, though.”

She leans in to kiss you. When you part, she shrugs. “I’ll gladly do all the dishes if it means you’re still my girlfriend.”

#marvel #marvel x reader #x reader #avengers x reader #avengers #hawkeye #kate bishop x fem!reader #kate bishop x female reader #kate bishop #kate bishop x reader #requests open #request

[sorroute]

Hello there! I think this is the first time I ever interact with you and your blog and I'm very happy to be part of your event. It is nice to meet you!💐🍫

I would like a BSD match-up, with an adult male character, please. I am an adult, straight female (25, NSFW hcs are fine), working hard (and suffering) to become a doctor. My dream is to work in ER or ICU, since I am willing to help others and I think that the best possible way to help them is during a life or death situation and I feel motivated to sacrifice my nights and youth for them.

I consider myself a positive and strong willed person and I enjoy surrounding myself with people. Usually it is a little difficult for me to get to know new people, but once I become familiar with them, I am less cautious and more open and friendly with them. I like to joke around a lot and I can't stand working on a fixed program, which is why I'm looking for an exciting and fast-paced job.

Sometimes I struggle with self-worth problems and, unfortunately, I don't have someone close to me to vent to and hear some encouraging words, but I try to give myself a pep talk and hope that it will work out on the long run. Because of this, I learned to rely on myself most of the time and I find it challenging to be vulnerable in front of others.

Appearance wise, I am quite tall compared to others (187 cm/ 6'2), but I've never considered it a negative trait, on the contrary, I think that I gain more respect because of my height. I'm a brunette, with olive skin tone, long curly brown hair with red undertones, big brown eyes, that are expressive and a slim, almost athletic build. I have some laughter lines from smiling too often, but I've never been bothered by them.

And for fashion preferences, I like casual-formal outfits (turtlenecks, jeans, overcoats, ankle boots) and my preffered colours are usually black, green, red or different shades of grey. I like to wear light makeup (nude eyeshadow and lipstick, mascara, foundation) and I never leave my house without using perfume (my favourite fragrances usually rich and decadent, like Black Opium by YSL, Alien and Alien Goddess by Mugler).

I think that should be all! Thank you for reading my little novel and I wish you a wonderful day/night, full of smiles and numerous blessings!

Okay. I know he's like the most popular bsd character BUT I think you and Chuuya would be amazing together

Chuuya

Ok, he absolutely loves your motivation for becoming a doctor.

He likes how strong-willed you are, it's a trait that he really admires

He was a bit surprised with the switch up in your relationship once you started to get to know eachother, but he loves it either way

Tall queen X short king basically

(He's jealous but thinks it's super hot at the same time??? Tall women for the win)

You and Chuuya both struggle with vulnerability, so it's definitely something that the two of you work on together

You don't have anyone to vent to or encourage you??? Well now you have a lifelong Chihuahua that will never EVER let you forget how much he loves you and how much you're worth

He loves your laughter lines he thinks they're so so so so cute

(he 100% kisses them all the time)

(well he would if he could reach 😭)

You guys have similar styles in terms of clothing and he loves it so much

Will buy you EVERYTHING.

He wanted to lend you his clothes one time since you guys have similar tastes and he wanted to do that thing from the movies where the guy lends the girl his clothes and they're way too big on her but the roles were reversed because you ended up being way too tall and stretched them out lmao

You and him will binge watch those 90's fashion shows together and discuss outfits for hours

He loves buying you perfume

He always shoves his face into your neck to get a whiff of your perfume

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

When I saw the perfume detail I immediately knew he's jerked off to the smell of your perfume before

He loveees to fuck the insecurity out of you

Will literally go for hours, whispering praises in your ear<3

He thinks tall women are so hot

(Definitely wants to call you mommy)

Likes the idea of you domming him and the idea of him domming you

He just loves you so much he's okay with anything as long as you're okay with it

A/N

Hellooo !! <3333 tysm for the request, you're so sweet. I didn't know if you wanted nsfw or if you were just sayin it was okay so I didn't do too many, sorry </3

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #bsd x you #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya x you #fem reader #matchup

[catsandgoodbooks]

No. 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.”

Recording | Made to Watch | “It should have been me."

TW/CWs: Implied/referenced character death, grief, survivor's guilt

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Punz leaped forward and Technoblade had to tackle them to the ground to keep them from going after Dream, both pairs of eyes locked on the doorway the split second it all exploded into flames.

Punz let out a wordless scream, their hands scrambling against Techno in an attempt to free themself. Techno tried to push back down on them without actually hurting them. It was hard. Techno found that it was always easier to hurt someone than to not, to actually help them, but he was willing to put in the extra effort. He wasn’t always close with Punz, but they’d grown to appreciate each other, and, even if he hadn’t, Techno didn’t like to make a habit out of hurting people (who hadn’t hurt him) for no reason.

“Let me go, Technoblade!” Punz hissed, blue eyes flashing in the dim light. Their hands were still clambering, scratching against his arms.

Techno rolled off of them, releasing their wrists last. It couldn’t hurt to be careful, he had learned time and time again. “There. You good now?”

“No, I’m fucking not! I’m not!” they spat. “Why–why did you fucking do that? We could of done something–”

“I did that so that you wouldn’t end up dead,” Techno stated calmly. He had to just not panic. He just had to try to defuse the situation. He could deal with everything else later, once everything was taken care of and done. Just not yet. He had to hold himself together for now. “It wouldn’t do either of us any good, and I don’t want Dream’s ghost haunting me for all eternity because I let you get yourself killed, Punz.”

“Well, that’s the thing! There’s no ghost!” Punz spat, stabbing a finger in Techno’s face. “Not when the soul’s instability’s the cause of death. Not when it’s a sacrifice.” Their voice broke, becoming softer. They reeled back, curling in on themself, hugging themself tight with their arms. “If there was just a ghost, it’d be easy. This–this is permanent.”

Techno moved to comfort them, pulling an arm around them, careful to pull back if they refused. He was honestly surprised that they were so vocal – all the time that he’d known them, they’d been reserved and tightly-strung – but he supposed that it was better they were lashing out now instead of trying to bottle everything up inside. “Dream got to go the way he wanted, on his own terms. Most of us don’t get that chance.”

“I know,” Punz whispered. “I know. It still doesn’t make it any better.”

Techno wasn’t sure why he kept talking. He wasn’t good at emotions. He wasn’t good at people. Phil was the one who was good at comforting people, reassuring them that everything was okay. Prime, he wished Phil was here, able to take care of this whole situation. But he wasn’t, so Techno would just have to hope that he was enough. “There was nothing either of us could do. If one of us went in there, we’d be dead too.”

“I know,” Punz repeated. “But…” they floundered, grasping for the right word. “But it would still be doing something. Being able to do something. Not just having to helplessly watch it happen.”

“Yeah?” Techno asked, knowing that he probably wouldn’t get a response. He knew that feeling; he was the one trapped in Pandora’s Vault for three months with Dream, having to watch every time Quackity “visited”. Punz might not have been there, but they’d been through their own share of suffering and not being able to do anything about it.

True to form, Punz just closed their eyes and leaned back against the wall behind them, swallowing quickly. A moment later, they opened their eyes again and sighed. Techno could tell they had changed. Their eyes were icy, remote, aloof, and their mouth was pulled into a thin line.

“You’re wrong,” Punz stated, coldly, confidently, emotionless, inflectionless.

“Heh?”

“It would of been better if you didn’t do anything. If you let me go after him,” Punz told Techno, simply, like it was simply a matter of fact.

“Why? Do you want to die?” Technoblade demanded.

Punz shifted entirely, the cold melting away and being replaced with frantic, helpless anger. Techno suddenly realized he had never seen them upset before, just irritated or annoyed, or at least not this viscerally. “Because at least then we would of died together! Because it should of been me!” they screamed, hands turned into vises and clinging desperately to their arms. “Technoblade, it should of been me!” Their eyes were filled with desperation, panic, a need for someone to blame and finding that within themself.

“Hey, hey, don’t be like that. Why would it be better if it was you?” Techno asked, trying to calm them down. He didn’t know what he was doing. He was panicking. Focus, focus. What would Phil do?

“Because he’s already suffered so much and I haven’t! Because people care about him and they wouldn’t if it was me! Because–because it would be kinder, Technoblade!”

“Death is never kind–”

“What would you do if it was me who died, Techno?” Punz demanded. “You’d be fine! You’d keep walking and tell Dream to forget about it and think to yourself good riddance!”

“I wouldn’t–” Techno tried to start.

“Don’t lie to me,” Punz commanded, tears streaming down their cheeks. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Technoblade.”

#whumptober2023 #no.6 #“it should of been me” #dsmp #fic #death #grief/morning #survivor's guilt #dsmp au #c!dream #c!punz #c!techno #rivals duo #staged duo #techno+punz need a duo name guys #my writing

[brianwashere]

The Fortunate Son AU

Chapter 1: Pulled from Hell

Rest of the series here

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from stranger things**

Pairing: eventual Steve/Billy/Eddie

Genre: angst but a happy ending. I promise. Trust me.

Summary: Billy never expected to make it back. Thankfully he was unintentionally found by people more than willing to take him back.

Tw: cussing, mentions of death, Billy’s just a lil bit traumatized

The Upside Down is cold. That was the hardest adjustment he had to make. Billy had been in the Upside Down for god knows how long now. Days? Months? Years?

You didn’t have time to even try to keep track of how long it’s been when you were there.

He’d done everything. Every fucking thing possible to try and escape. But it wouldn’t let him.

He wouldn’t let him.

Billy doesn’t remember when he’d first seen Him. All he knows is that He was hideous. Hideous and terrifying.

Being stuck in the Upside Down sucked ass of course but it had given him time to think. Think about the Mind Flayer, his ‘sacrifice’, what’d he’d do when he got back.

The look on his little sister’s face when he died.

The mullet wearing teen had nearly lost all hope of ever getting back home at all.

Until he heard Him talk. He was talking to his little sister. To Max. He sprinted to the house the dammed house and by the time he got there he saw his little sister jumping out into Hawkins—regular Hawkins.

That had been what was keeping Billy going.

His little sister had escaped. He could too.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Billy sighed as he began to shuffle out from under the bed. Well—the guest bed at the Wheeler’s house. The Wheeler’s house was the closest one he found (as well as the safest), and he slept under the bed to reduce being found or taken or anything else that was on the bottom of his to-do list.

‘Jesus Christ the hell am I doing?’

While this wasn’t the first time he thought this, it was certainly the first time it set so heavy on his chest.

‘What’s the point? What’s the damn point?’

His thoughts plagued his own mind.

‘No no no. Don’t think that. You will see Max again. She needs you.’

He began to continue pulling himself on the wooden floorboards until he heard loud noises downstairs.

“Shit.” He cussed quietly to himself.

Billy grabbed his rusty trusty old crowbar that would give any damn thing tetanus if it came into a 10 foot radius of it.

He scrambled out from under the bed. He learned the hard way that it was better to be ready to fight instead of them finding you. They’ll always find you.

You learn things like that when you’re here. Things like walking from toe to heel. Things like barricading yourself when you sleep to give you time if they find you. When they find you.

He opened the door quietly; he heard voices. Billy felt like crying right there. People actual people! The paranoid part of his brain kicked in then.

‘If it’s too good to be true it probably is.’

That’s when he heard a voice he never thought he’d hear again. Steve Harrington. Steve fucking Harrington.

He was shouting to one of his freshman kids.

“Dustin! Dustin! Can you hear me Dustin? Dustin!” The brunette was shouting.

Billy carefully rounded the stair railing, his crowbar ready to swing. He approached silently.

Four people: two he didn’t recognize, Nancy Wheeler, and Steve Harrington. He nearly dropped his crowbar. They were there. And there was hope.

His hopefulness was brought down by the guy he didn’t recognize spotting him and screaming.

The four of them immediately clumped together. Harrington was in front, protecting the others like a goose protects her goslings. He needed to act fast.

“Stay away! Stay back or I’ll hit you all the way back to that damn portal!” Steve yelled.

Billy lowered his crowbar and cleared his throat; it had been so long since he talked.

“Well well well Harrington a little late to the party wouldn’t ya say?” Billy croaked.

Steve didn’t try to hide his surprise.

“Billy…?” He asked.

Billy slowly stepped into the light; Steve’s posse huddled back in response.

“In the damn flesh.” He chuckled bitterly.

Nancy began stepping towards him only to be pushed back by Steve.

“Tell me something only the real Billy would know.” Steve demanded.

Billy sighed. Harrington was always the skeptic wasn’t he? He fumbled the beginning of his sentence.

“…once I caught you in the gym shower signing along to Madonna’s ‘Material Girl’—“ He started.

“Ok that’s proof enough!” Harrington yelped.

Nancy began coming closer.

“How are you alive?” She whispered.

“Beats me, doll.” Billy responded.

“Holy shit. You’re Billy Hargrove! The notorious high school bully!” The other one he didn’t recognize pointed out.

He had long wavy brown hair and the biggest brown eyes he’d ever seen before. He was also wearing a shirt for that weirdo DnD club he’d seen before he—died—before he went missing.

“Yeah and you’re that fucking weirdo who plays pretend with figurines.” Billy retorted.

“The name’s Eddie Munson. Asshole.” Eddie mumbled the last part.

Billy rolled his eyes until they caught on the fourth member. He squinted at the other girl. Her blonde hair and freckles looked familiar.

“Are you Rose…?”

“Robin Buckley.” She spoke in a clipped tone.

Understandable, he was assumed dead for however long it’s been, he also tried to run her over with his car.

“Ok enough chit chat! We need to communicate with Dustin!” Harrington said.

“Guys wait. When Will was in the Upside Down he used the lights to communicate.” Nancy pointed out.

They all turned and looked at the kitchen light fixture.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Nancy’s high IQ led them to Munson’s trailer.

“So how the hell are we supposed to get there?” Billy asked.

“Wait there’s something there.” Eddie pointed out.

That’s when a wooden handle of some sort broke through the portal. The five of them hesitantly moved forward to see Harrington’s kids staring back on top of a questionably stained mattress. Both groups waved to each other.

Dustin took a rope made out of what appeared to be pillowcases and sheets and threw it up into the portal. It dropped down on their side.

“And if my calculations are correct…” Dustin said as he let go and the make shift rope stayed in place.

The group of freshman walked off of the old mattress.

“The stains are…I don’t know what the stains are from.” Eddie admitted awkwardly.

Everyone stepped back for Eddie to go first. They watched as he shimmied up and then fell when the gravity from Hawkins kicked in.

Robin was next, then Nancy. He looked at Steve. Billy signaled him to go first.

“Oh hey woah woah woah you’ve been stuck here long enough, you should go first.” Harrington explained.

“Quit being a pussy and just go, Harrington.” Billy sighed.

Steve stared at him for a long moment before deciding against arguing and he climbed up.

This was it. After so long, he was coming back. So many thoughts swirled through the blond’s head. As he pulled himself up

“Wait wait wait we’ve got someone else coming in.” He heard Steve’s voice.

“What? Only four of you went in.” Lucas questioned.

Gravity yanked Billy down onto the mattress he let out a grunt. He squinted, adjusting to the rediscovered brightness of the world. He tried sitting up but was immediately pushed back down by a heavy force.

“Billy!” Max practically screamed as she through her arms around him.

Billy gripped her back without hesitation. Tears weld in his eyes, but he’d never admit it. Max was crying. Billy buried his dirty face into her red hair.

The room was silent.

“Hey I don’t wanna ruin the moment but we should get the hell outta here before hell’s creations crawl out of the portal we just opened.” Robin spoke up.

Billy sat up, still holding Max with one arm. He gulped before speaking.

“Yeah I second that.”

#stranger things fanfic #stranger things #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargrove #Billy Hargrove x Eddie Munson #eddie munson x steve harrington #bi steve harrington #dustin henderson #Lucas Sinclair #gay Eddie Munson #robin buckley #Nancy wheeler #Billy Hargrove redemption arc #pansexual billy hargrove #fanfic #fanfic writing #series #slow burn #stranger things season 4 #stranger things post season 4 #canon divergent au #canon divergence #stranger things canon divergence #everybody lives au #everybody lives/nobody dies #harringroveson #max mayfield #steddilly

[time-is-restored]

I took offense to “most cringe fail meow meow in recent history” until I realized it was a compliment 👍 she is minmaxing her life isn’t she (the caretaker for instance) anyway I think Clara and Martha would be friends but would also have a complicated relationship

oh im genuinely so glad u realised it was a compliment it would KILL me if ppl thought i just like. was unironically shitting on clara omg she's one of my favourite characters in like... ANYTHING, ever. i am OBSESSED w her twisted mind..

(expanding on my martha + clara dynamic thoughts under the cut bc it got OBSCENELY long lol)

i also completely agree w that clara and martha take! on the surface, i think they would make very good acquaintances/casual friends. they share the same inquisitive + intellectual nature, so i feel like they approach problem solving very similarly. it's hard to give a concrete example, since no companion has ever faced the EXACT same mystery, but what comes to mind for me is martha realising its safe to open the windows in smith + jones, and killing the engines in gridlock to hide from. whatever the monster was that episode LOL. compared with clara noticing the similar poses in Hide, and learning to make rapid-fire deductions to bluff her way out of danger, like in The Girl Who Died.

from memory they also have pretty similar sense of humour, and as unlikely it would be to come up in casual conversation, they can also both relate to being forgotten by the doctor, though at least in martha's case it was only a temporary measure.

however, i think beyond the level of occasional friends/allies, shit would definitely get tense. martha's arc is defined by how she never can truly adjust to the loss + death that follows the doctor wherever he goes, and how that's a good thing, and makes her such a good person + doctor. her priority is always saving + healing as many people as possible, and the level of distress she experiences after losing someone never seems to lessen (i can't quite remember its name, but the dolphin alien in the doctor's daughter comes to mind - at that point, martha has seen COUNTLESS fatalities, both while walking the earth and working for UNIT, which isn't exactly a chill desk job. but still, she cries like she's just lost a close friend, because she has). she feels everything incredibly deeply, and even though she does appear to develop a 'soldier's mentality' or whatever the fuck it is that davros calls it in journeys end, when she threatens to destroy the earth to disrupt the dalek's plan, to ME the most important part of that sequence is that she doesn't genuinely try to stop the housekeeper from shooting her/preventing her from using the key. she understands that what she's about to do is terrible, and would not blame anyone from stopping her - does not resent them from trying. there's no ego driving her actions here, just experience.

when we compare that with clara... now, listen, i wanna give a disclaimer here and say that i in NO way believe that clara is a paticularly cruel or callous person. but she ABSOLUTELY 'goes native' to a degree that martha explicitly refuses to (i can NOT see her rolling over to the housekeeper for even a second, if her and martha's places were switched, for example). sure, the adventuring is addictive, but she also learns to compartmentalise other people's deaths in a way that pretty much... no one other than the doctor himself seems to learn to do? she's hardly gunning down innocents, but she encourages ppl to risk themselves for the greater good (before the flood), and explicitly deceives people about their chances of survival (mummy on the orient express, flatline). as seen in her final sacrifice with rigsy, it's not like she's unwilling to walk the walk, but that familiarity with death + loss is something that's freaked out virtually every companion that's ever traveled with the doctor, and by the end of her journey, im pretty sure clara deals with loss in an almost indistinguishable way to him.

compound that with clara's control issues (if it came down to it, could she really trust martha with key components of any plan, even if she is intellectually aware of her capability + experience?) and plain old ego (while i do think clara in s9 has grown a fair bit away from her 'dont lump me in w the rest of those puny humans' rant in kill the moon, as viewed from an outsider POV, martha's job at UNIT automatically puts her as 'lesser' in clara's eyes, just bc of how often travelling w the doctor involves scoffing at local armies as they royally fuck everything up. WE know that martha's more than just someone else's lackey, but would clara?)... yeesh. at minimum, im seeing clara being condescending + dismissive, and martha being (almost DEFINITELY rightfully) outraged at clara's cavalier, too-cool-for-emotions attitude, and associating her with the doctor's worst moments.

ofc they could work THROUGH these issues with time - ultimately, both of them became very close with and fond of the doctor, and that takes a particular type of tolerance to some... frequently grating personality traits LMAO. not to mention how well they could bond if they gave each other half the chance (sarah jane + rose, martha + donna - companions all inherently have a lot in common! the love of adventure, of exploration, of being able to be part in something so much BIGGER than every day life..)!

tl;dr despite my dismay over the poll, they realistically actually WOULD fight, quite a bit. but im a firm believer in the healing power of the 'talking shit -> being proven wrong' pipeline, not to mention the power of female characters unionising, so i like to imagine that they could one day be good friends :)

#companion poll #my writing #meta #tysm for the ask btw its always rlly cool to see other ppl passionate abt the same characters as me :D #asks #dw

[yellowocaballero]

!!!!!! You finally played DE!!!!!!

I DID. STAYED UP UNTIL ALMOST 3 FINISHING IT WOKE UP AT 6 GOOD MORNING AMERICA. IT WAS GREAT.

Sincerely holy shittttttt. Mindbending. Incredible. The prose oh my god. So good. Incredibly funny but there is so much to chew on thematically. Only narration I've ever seen that accurately depicts how my own brain works I feel very seen. I want Kim to like me as a person so bad.

It really does hit on one of my favorite messages/themes/topics - "yes, it's hard, but you have to do it anyway." Living is the most difficult and painful thing you can experience, but you have to live because the only alternative is to die. And no matter how awful and full of pain life is, it's always preferable to death - because life holds meaningful human connections, beauty, and hope, and if you die you will never receive those things again. The good things in life are so small and faint in comparison to the overwhelming awful, but somehow they're so much stronger than the awful.

Every person in the game is important. Everyone has meaning. I like how there's no truly bad people, just people warped by pain and suffering, or well-intentioned and kind people made into who they are due to their environment (Titus ended up being one of my favorite characters, somehow?). Nigh Mother 3 in that aspect (highest praise I can give anything). The people around us are the point.

The existential dread and pain is not stronger than Kim. The curse of capitalism is not stronger than the diemaker girl. The pain is not stronger than Harry. You have to be incredibly strong, but once you become a member of the world there's no going back. If being where you are is too painful, if your life and the world is too painful, then you can remove yourself from it - but what else are you giving up? When you sacrifice the moment you are living within because you cannot bear its suffering, what else are you sacrificing? How do you escape this samsara? How can you find Elysium? How can you create Elysium? What the fuck are we talking about when we talk about Disco?!

From the meta I'm seeing on Tumblr there's definitely a lot of (correct!) emphasis on the love and humanity aspects, but honestly there's a lot of other stuff that caught my attention too. I clocked it immediately, and it is baked into every inch of the game, that it was made by people from the Baltics. Westerners will have a hard time understanding the game if they don't get that. The scars of war & history, in ourselves and our neighbors and our cities and the world. Past vs Present. Young Idealism vs Old Realism. Politics (derogatory)(accepting). Class. The down and dirty of capitalism. How trauma from war warps people. Nigh Animorphs in that topic (highest praise I can give anything). Substance abuse. Hedonism. Pain (TM). Love and the Pain (TM) of love. Everything within Harry is within the world...

Good game. Honestly, a bit overstuffed with everything I just talked about. I say frequently that people should not use their Dungeons & Dragons characters as characters in their fiction, and that people shouldn't use their outside rpg worldbuilding in their fiction, and this game is a pretty good example of why (or maybe I just put too many points into Encyclopedia?). And there's so much richness in what I just talked about, but sometimes it feels like it's trying to do way too much and it's not coherent and consolidated in the elegant way a lot of work that use many different ways to talk about the same thing are (See: Infinity Train S4, one of the best written things I've seen). It needed to consolidate and streamline a bit.

I spent the entire game trying to discern the meaning of Disco and I'm still not sure I understand. Thanks for the ask!

#disco elysium #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #my asks #i really do hope the fact that the internal narration #ten fighting voices at all that occasionally stop to fantasize about old women down the street #is EXACTLY like my own brain #explains like at least 1/2 of me #normally 'make it easier to undersetand' for genuinely well written stuff like this #feels like those ppl who say articles shouldnt have jargon #but genuinely themes are far more powerful if you just pick maybe three or four things #and say those things in a billion different ways #which DE kinda does! but it could stand to tighten those screws a bit if you know what i mean #really its easier to ask #what ISN'T disco? #rock and roll mostly. #and anodic #but also they are also disco #hits blunt

[mattypattypinky]

"So this is it? All that work just to become another cog in the machine?"

Okay, First of all,

OW. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO ME LIKE THAT!!!

Second of all,

This line was so fucking raw and it's so in character, and it means so much to me to see him portrayed with so much heart to the actual source. So much so, that I'm gonna need to unpack it here w my process and thoughts, so here we go.

As we know from in the actual Under.tale, 🌻 has a tendency to have trouble understanding finding the hope / will in things, especially if they end what he deems badly.

A few examples include:

- His confusion with the players decision to befriend everyone, as no matter how hard you try to be friends with everyone, it feels like things still end poorly and it sets everyone back. He views life as very unfair.

- His frustration with himself and his younger selves decision to hold back against the humans when w 🍫 on the surface, inevitably resulting in his own downfall.

I really like the loyalty to the source material in this here, as he clearly doesn't understand 🍀's motive.

I mean... They fell into the underground to serve justice for mankind, so why in the world would they sacrifice everything?

Sacrifice their time here befriending the monsters that have taken the humans before them.

Sacrifice their life and soul for those who are not even their people.

I also quite like how after this line, he states that 🍀 has grown predictable, and that there's always another. I love that this fan-game actually... delves into the depths of his character? Idk how else to put it.

Like, I was already quite a fan of their portrayal of him from all I've seen thus far, with how in character they write his dialogue and his interactions...but today deciding to finally sit down and watch a bit more of this fan-game, (as a treat, as I am taking the consumption of it slowly 😭) I was not expecting such a raw line, it took me so off guard.

Even now I keep replaying the dialogue, to reread it because it is so shocking to me. I know I was expecting loyalty to the original game, but I wasn't prepared for this much, and maybe I'm over-hyping it as I like the attention to detail, but oh my lord.

Whoever was in charge, and WROTE 🌻 in this fan game, if one person, or multiple people - they seem to truly understand his character and how he perceives things around him and I admire that.

Like this delves into the fact that he inevitably grows predictable to everyone around him that is not Fr!sk, which makes sense as Fr!sk has the SAVE power as he does, and can tamper and play with the timelines, therefore they are very hard for him to predict as he isn't in control and he isn't in charge of what is going on. But, like with everyone else, with 🍀, he is.

He inevitably gets bored of everyone around him, because he plays out and sees all they have to offer, and he probably feels similar to this with 🍀 (I haven't seen any of the other routes yet, only true pacifist, so this opinion maaay be subject to change, or be reinforced in another rant later as I see more)

#mattypattypinkyposts #ruins romance #🌻💔 #ruins ranting #bro i am so hooked on this line i am sorry dudes #i will probably have more to say about it later #when i watch other routes.... #like i... i really like how it... lines up #with the actual canon and writing style and like... lore of the original game #and how it is very in character to 🌻's character as a whole #chefs kiss.

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump No. 12

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community. I’m Malice and I’ll be your host. 

Joining us today is the fabulous @heavenly-whumper!

Tell me something non whump related about yourself!

You can call me Eden, and my hobbies besides writing include reading psychological thriller BL comics, and gaming. I am perpetually sleep deprived and always thinking about my OCs.

Let’s start with something a little vague. What does whump mean to you?

I can write the things I love the most and feel welcomed with whump. It's a means of catharsis and trauma processing, of course, but I write whump mostly due to my enjoyment of dark, homoerotic media, fucked up characters and fucked up situations. Also because I like pretty boys being through hell and back and crying, so having a community where I enjoy that without feeling ashamed is pretty good.

How did you find the whump community? 

I found it through several screenshots from Tumblr on Pinterest, and decided to join the community on Tumblr after seeing it was exactly what I liked. I abandoned that blog after a while and decided to start again with this one.

Has your view on whump changed since you joined? Are there tropes you now love/hate that you didn't at first?

Yes. I liked pet whump much more when I first joined, and avoided writing nsfwhump or gore like the plague. Now I'm not as much into pet whump and have finally found my niche with nsfwhump and immortal whumpees.

It’s so interesting how almost everyone says their views on different whump tropes have changed since they joined! Care to share some of your favourite whump tropes?

Immortal whumpees, intimate and/or creepy whumpers, nsfwhump and obsessive whumpers or whumpees.

What’s your favourite piece that you’ve written?

I love the entirety of Heavenly Feast, my current WIP. It's my best work so far, and I put a lot of work into it. I also loosened up quite a lot and wrote everything I liked regardless of reception, so I'm proud of it. I love the pairing of a creepy whumper's pov of a cannibalistic monster and his pretty immortal whumpee. These two are a match made in hell. Like my dearest friend said, they are soulmates, but in the worst way possible. And that's what makes this story so special to me. I quite like the plot, I love the characters and I love how deliciously gruesome this story is, nsfwhump, cannibalism and all.

Dou you have a standard writing routine?

At night, always. Mostly when inspiration strikes, and usually on big blocks. After I get the chapter done, I let it sit for a while and retype it entirely to edit. I do this between 1-3 times usually for a chapter, but some very hard ones take up to 5 retypes or complete scraps and rewrites. Because of that and not having a strict writing schedule, I can take quite a long time to post a new chapter.

What do the words usually flow for? Is there something you struggle with writing? 

It's easy for me to nail pov writing and the characters, but I struggle a lot with prose and worldbuilding. I need several rewrites to get the prose to an acceptable level to post and it's very hard. I also, surprisingly, wasn't all that good with nsfwhump when I started Heavenly Feast and it was painful and cringy to write at first — I still struggle with it at times.

Is there anything you're working on at the moment? 

Hoping from idea to idea, trying to finish the next chapter of Heavenly Feast and working on a few collabs with my best friend.

Any advice you’d like to share?

Write what you like, regardless of what you think others will think. And please, don't try to sacrifice your mental health to write as much as other writers or to be a "good" writer. You must first and foremost have fun, and each writer's journey, pace and style is unique, so trying to push yourself too hard will only cause you burnout and make you hate writing or yourself. 

Shoutout time! Who would you like to say thank you too?

@suspicious-whumping-egg, my dear friend and great writer.

@burntcoffeewhump, with their delicious nsfwhump. His stories captivated me from day one.

@lumpsbumpsandwhumps with her amazing art and writing, and my blorbos Jonas and Malik.

And @zillastar13, my bff and inspiration, they are an amazing writer, with great prose and great worldbuilding,  and I love every single thing they write. 

Anything you'd like to add? 

Love y'all from the community. Keep whumping or consuming whump, my beloveds.

It was a pleasure to have you here, @heavenly-whumper!

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[silvysartfulness]

12, 17, 19, 22 for the choose violence ask game👀

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Oh man, like. All of them? I tend to only fall for unpopular characters, so that's a long list. But keeping it just to a few choice people in the Untamed;

Xue Yang. Obviously. He's brilliant, he's dedicated, he's fucked up in some really interesting ways and he got so close to having a redemption arc and happy ending before everything came crashing down! If he'd been the protagonist/viewpoint character, you know he'd be getting the fandom's WWX cinnamon roll treatment. But alas.

Jiang Cheng. That so many people dislike him honestly baffles me? I see so many takes that are frankly based in extremely shallow readings, disregarding his trauma, his world context, the impossible balance between his crushing responsibilities and the people important to him. He's not your homophobic dad or schoolyard bully, he's a deeply traumatized person doing the best with what he's got despite losing everything dear to him over and over, and he's trying so hard. He's loud and has a hot temper, but for fuck's sake, there's so much love there and you'd almost have to be willfully blind not to see it!

Jin Guangyao. Another of those "if he'd been the main character/viewpoint character, people would have loved him" ones. He's intelligent, determined, hardworking and loyal - though frequently pushed way beyond his breaking point in that loyalty. Pragmatic to the point of ruthlessness, but it's because the world's one big trolley problem to him - he sacrifices the few to help the many (even if yes, that does include himself in 'the many'), but he doesn't take pleasure in the hurt he causes (except in that one pretty understandable case of his dad). He deserves so much compassion, or at the very least understanding!

Should I put Song Lan on here? A lot of people seem to hate on him for very shallow, ship-related reasons, but within the plot, he tried his very hardest to set things right. It's not his fault they were all already doomed by the narrative and he walked into Yi City that day as the unwitting catalyst.

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

For fics, Yi City fix-its that don't count killing Xue Yang as "fixing it". Stories digging into the hot mess of the complex, fascinating canon-verse, or at least reincarnation.

More fics with characterization I vibe with - a complicated, rough-edged but ultimately lovable Xue Yang, a compassionate but stubborn and somewhat brittle Xiao Xingchen and a Song Lan who feels so much and is so bad at showing it. More SXX fics overall!

For art, more art with the CQL character designs! The designs for the other adaptations are kind of cute, but they're just not my guys, and I feel pretty lukewarm toward them on the whole.

(And fellow artists - please, please, please don't forget Xue Yang's missing finger! 😭 I see so much fanart with either 10 intact fingers, or a glove with a fully articulated left pinky. His lost finger is the driving force of his entire character arc, don't just forget about it...😢)

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Hmm... ��� On the whole, I don't feel a lot of shame for my tastes in fiction. I'm surprised I actually ended up really liking the main couple as much as I did - in a love story, no less? That literally never happens, I always go for the sideline gremlins.Other than that, though...

Trying very hard to hold up the blorbos and my usual go-to tropes, groping around for any sense of horror or shame, but I can't think of anything really. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

I guess I'm that one (1) person who actually likes the Yin Iron plot? I genuinely think CQL made a lot of good choices to tie the sprawling narrative together more cohesively, and I liked the introduction of the Yin Iron and how it led into the creation of the Yin Tiger Seal rather than tossing the latter in as an "Oh yeah, this was a thing that totally existed all along, forgot to mention". (I know MDZS was written and posted in installment, and that can make it hard to work with foreshadowing etc, but even so. I do think CQL did a good job tightening up the story in many ways.)

And don't get me wrong, I absolutely don't mind the idea of Xue Yang as an absolute nobody clawing his way up from nothing! It's a delicious version, too! But there's just something about the idea of a family he could have belonged to, a sense of community he could have had, ripped away centuries before he was even born.

If I want to be a petty, I guess I could put "Xue Yang is canonically brilliant" under this question, too, because I wish that was explored in more fics and meta. The boy is a prodigy. He's a genius. He's also a street-brawler, petty thief and murderous little piece of shit, but that doesn't take away the first point. Let Xue Yang be the highly, dangerously intelligent Problem that he actually is!

#violence ask game #asksilvy #untamed artfulness

[silversiren1101]

Top 5 Video Game Characters?

Ooooh characters this is hard… This is not in order because that’s impossible for me lol

1) Estinien Wyrmblood - FFXIV: tall stoic fully armored elf boy that is broody and mean, is actually extremely gorgeous with long white hair, has a tragic past, is very protective, and hilariously has no concept of money. He’s been in the game for like 10 years and his growth as a character has been phenomenal to watch and follow. He feels like a friend and old lover lmao

2) Edea Lee - Bravely Default: aside from having one of my favorite visual designs of all time, she’s adorable and stubborn and so very passionate about what is right and wrong. She grew up very sheltered/indoctrinated and seeing her confronted with the direct opposite of everything she was taught and having such moral strength of character to say “fuck all this we are so wrong and we need to fix everything!” is amazing to me. Mgr gr grr

3) Mio / M - Xenoblade Chronicles 3: THE HOPE. THE LOVE. THE DESPAIR. THE SEEING YOUR LOVED ONE TURNED INTO SUCH A MONSTER OVER THE INEVITABILITY OF FATE YOU SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO MAKE IT ALL END. THE “WE WILL FIND EACH OTHER ALWAYS NO MATTER WHAT REINCARNATION WE’RE IN”. THE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND FOR THAT I MUST END THIS IN THE DESPERATE PRAYER THAT NEXT TIME IT WILL WORK NEXT TIME WE WILL BOTH MAKE IT YOU WONT BE ALONE AGAIN. THAT there won’t be a next time. It’s time to let go.

I’m so sorry but XC3 has maybe one of my favorite canonical romances of all time in Mio and Noah / M and N that it hits almost every single YES YES YES button of mine and makes me fucking feral. Mio also has just a gorgeous design and her story of accepting her inevitable demise to the last days counting down in story is so beautiful and painful. It’s a story of grief and coming to terms with what is so unfair when everyone around you still has time left that you don’t. I literally cried writing this thinking about it. I adore Mio. Honestly it was a competition between Nia and Mio on which xenoblade catgirl to pick but Mio is such a clear winner for me.

4) HK-47 - KOTOR: Haha funny murder robot makes me laugh. Also the loyalty. There is a case to be made for the genuine loyalty HK-47 has for Revan outside of his programming, and I love them. That’s my metal murder son. He’s also just very interesting narratively! That hints about who you really are and such, and his use in KOTOR 2 is most excellent.

5) Regill Derenge - Wrath of the Righteous: it’s the current favorite most special boy! He hits all the checkboxes okay: knight, stoic/cold, resolved in his ideals, morally questionable methods/the greater good/ ends justify the means, unconventionally attractive, sexy voice, older man. He gets bonus points for seeming extremely straight forward but there’s so much nuance and stuff going on under the hood so to speak, and he’s an awesome example of subtle storytelling in his ideals, motives, and contradictions/hypocrisies! I won’t go too into him because, well, he’s my current favorite, and I can talk forever, but my favorite is his relationship with Yaker. He’s always hard on him, and always talking negatively about being loved by his subordinates, yet… even your companions can see that’s not the case. Not just Ember but Lann will bring up his relationship as a mentor to Yaker, and Regill admittedly calls him “a good plant I’m bad soil” almost begrudgingly. He has self banter too where he has concerns about how his men will fare without them, sounding almost anxious. Lastly, and this is huge, how the points are calculated in his Act 5 quest during the trial. Mechanically, several things in the game affect this, but ultimately having points is BAD and getting 3 points is the immediate failure. You get points by things like being on a chaotic mythic path, accepting the profane gift from nocticula, or trying to reason with Baphomet. Most everything else gives no points, making them neutral. Only TWO THINGS give you negative points which are things he actively approves of: being a Hellknight yourself, and then making Yaker your hellknight ambassador, which involves standing up to Regill and protecting Yaker from unfair punishments. Regill mechanically approves of this MORE than being on the aeon path! That’s huge! He’s a bit of a hypocrite/liar in this regard and I love him for it, he’s more attached to his men than he lets on, and has a much deeper appreciation of Yaker than his overt actions suggest.

I can easily say much more, but that’s good enough for now.

#thanks for the ask! #ask game

[adhbabey]

here's some autism traits of mine that aren't symptoms, but they're things that are autism and im choosing to unmask n share this with you all.

biting. just i want bite fingers. i crave to put them in my mouth. i want to bite in general. i know its not socially acceptable to bite people, but i want to. i am a creacher and i cannote change that.

when i was like 14 i was really obsessed with random xd humor. I would say "ekop" instead of "poke", because its poke backwards. And I had this one friend I'd constantly do this with. like "rawr" and "cupcakez!1!1!". We were truly scene.

Speaking incredibly eloquently, as one alter put it, "Human language does not account for all the nuances that I wish to share, so I am using the language to its full extent, detailing every complicated sentence that I can muster. I wish to share my full thoughts and experiences, but it unfortunately does not do what I want to convey in justice. So I must settle for the english language for now." Some of our alters can't really speak because of that, and its difficult for them to communicate outside of visuals and vague feelings. It's really either hyperverbal or no verbality for us.

every fucking alter being some brand of autism. Tsuki is ace and hates to put a label on things, the only concrete feeling she has is anger. Rai can barely speak/communicate, they are very observant and quiet, and they feel the most disconnected from others being the host. Kaori is literally the most autistic creature you could ever come across, they are just literally what you think of, they love all the "cringe" culture type stuff and adore being nonbinary. etc etc. Like, how did I not realize when all of us are some brand of autism?

Feeling like an outsider my entire fucking life. Even when I related to others, I always felt separate from the rest of society, and I must sacrifice everything in order to be loved. This has been connected to spiritual beliefs of mine.

Another thing connected to spiritual beliefs of mine, feeling like I truly cannot see the world, as if I have a film over my eyes. The reason for my self entrapment is a "curse" that a "film" over my eyes exists and I never fully can break free from. I realize that the "film" is masking and my truly unique way of seeing the world is my autism, and I've had to move through the world not letting myself "see" truly.

alice in wonderland, coraline, fran bow, all characters I relate to are young and unique girls that move through a world that is crazy and full of madness. Something I find myself deeply relating to.

feeling misunderstood all the fucking time. even if i try to explain my feelings or thoughts, I'm constantly put on a high standard that I have not been able to achieve. I don't know how to change people's minds as I speak with genuine intent besides rather obvious displays of frustration, anger or sarcasm. I was also the person who thought others were always genuine, and rarely questioned one's intention behind what they said. This trait of mine has led me to become gaslit by a few harmful people in my life.

my disorders all linked together, makes for a bad time. this isnt an autism specific trait. i just. if i feel like an outsider (asd), and have trauma with being treated like an outsider (did), and get really upset with other people saying nasty things about me in regards to not being normal (adhd + rsd), im going to have a hard time and constantly blame myself for being an outsider (ocd) and im gonna hate myself (depression). so its just like. hey i found a piece to the puzzle, but i already know most of it. and thats just the egodystonic experience for me.

but hey, lets talk about more lighthearted stuff!! i love kandi!!!!! it jingle jingle and it has super pretty colours!! im afraid to stim but this is the shit for me. this is amazing.

i'd love to use word quirks and kaomojis a lot more!!! but unfortunately thats not the blog for this bc its not plaintext. but in my heart, thats what i want to do and who i want to be.

oh i remember the last one!! I read this somewhere, but apparently since a lot of autistic people struggle to communicate their needs, they'll do things that meet their needs somewhat, even if they don't know why they do it. For example, wearing hoodies and heavy clothes because they're touch starved and want to be hugged! And I really related to that!! I wear hoodies and lots of layers all the time, or like just wearing my day clothes, even if they're uncomfortable. So, I do that, not just because I'm cold, but I need the weight compressing me, and i've always been doing that since I was young. So I felt.

Not really being able to read big books until middle school. I know there's people who havent really talked until they were older, I remember not being able to comprehend big swaths of text until I was a teenager. maybe thats the audhd, but i feel like thats always been my sort of "i think this was my developmental milestones that i hit late". And yes, I was able to read quite a lot for my age, but it always felt like something that I hit late.

share your autism traits that aren't necessarily symptoms, or you can talk about the ones you relate to and I wrote. Sorry if this post is hard to read, I just wanted to talk about it. :0 so ya

#babey posts #autism #actually autistic #i also realize ive been having meltdowns and shutdowns since i was young #but i didnt know thats what i was experiencing #i would just get really tired or hungry and just would fucking sob and scream #i thought that was just sort of normal and everyone felt that way #that i was just really bad at hiding it #ive been experiencing it into adulthood too..... #id shutdown after friend stuff bc i felt too drained to interact anymore

[shadowchancellor]

A Brief Rating of Ween’s Studio Discography

because i just finished their discography and have nowhere else to dispose of my thoughts. again.

1990: God Ween Satan: The Oneness

God Ween Satan is all you could ask for out of a debut record. it establishes the band’s genre bending inclinations, their sense of humor, and their tendency to hide emotionally devastating breakup songs in a pile of ridiculous bullshit so that the effect is greater. this is also the most punk Ween has ever sounded; every other track is full of screamed vocals and thrashing guitars, making for a unique sound in the band’s discography. tracks like opener “You Fucked Up,” “Old Queen Cole,” and “Wayne’s Pet Youngin’“ set this expectation, which is regularly subverted by songs like the spanish guitar rocker “El Camino,” the aforementioned breakup song “Birthday Boy,” or the 8 minute Prince pastiche “L.M.L.Y.P.” if there were one complaint to make about this record, its that they may have overdone it with the character voices. overall, though, this record is probably one of Ween’s best and worth a listen for any aspiring Ween fan.

Highlights: “You Fucked Up,” “Bumblebee,” “Old Queen Cole,” “Mushroom Festival in Hell,” “L.M.L.Y.P.,” “Birthday Boy.”

1991: The Pod

The Pod is a concept album, and the concept is mononucleosis. the band worked on this album while dealing with mono, and they managed to make the record sound like it, which is a goddamn achievement in its own right. every song sounds thick and slimy, like you’re lying in bed, sweating your ass off, trying to sleep off a high fever. its a hard feeling to describe, but when you hear it, it just sounds pestilent. this new sound allows the band to explore even weirder avenues than God Ween Satan, from the bizarre guitar groove and bellowing vocals of “The Stallion” suite to the lethargic wails on “Laura.” alongside more conventional cuts like the psychedelic “Captain Fantasy” and the nostalgic “Pork Roll Egg and Cheese,” The Pod sets a new standard of weird for Ween to strive for.

Highlights: “Dr. Rock,” “Pollo Asado,” “Captain Fantasy,” “Molly,” “Don’t Sweat It,” “Pork Roll Egg and Cheese,” “The Stallion Pt. 2.”

1992: Pure Guava

Ween is frequently misaligned as a pure comedy act, which i think does the band a disservice. they show genuine skill and respect for the genres they “parody,” and comedy is only a small part of the reason Ween works. this is true of every album that the band has released since its inception. if there were an exception to this, however, it would be Pure Guava. this the first Ween album recorded under a major label, so they took the opportunity to make the most bizarre shit they could think of. i’m not sure i can describe the sound of the weirdest songs on this record. i am equally unsure if i want to spoil them. as such, i will leave you with this: the lead single on this record, “Push th’ Little Daisies,” is the only Ween song to have ever reached the billboard charts.

Highlights: “The Stallion Pt. 3,” “Push th’ Little Daisies,” “Reggaejunkiejew,” “Pumpin’ 4 The Man,” “Mourning Glory,” “Don’t Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy).”

1994: Chocolate and Cheese

on Chocolate and Cheese, Ween remembers that they’re on a label and makes something that you can almost listen to in public. this record takes the band in a much more commercial direction, but in doing so doesn’t sacrifice the quality or strangeness the band is known for. indeed, the genre experimentation is even more wild here than it was on Pure Guava, and as always, the band shows proficiency in damn near everything they try. from the philly soul cut “Freedom of ‘76″ to the Mexican murder ballad “Buenas Tardes Amigo,” Ween proves that they’re a regular musical multi tool. in conjuncture with their typical alt rock fare and their bizarre sense of humor (see: “Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)” or “The HIV Song”), Chocolate and Cheese comes out as one of Ween’s strongest showings, and one of the first records that i would recommend to someone who isn’t already a fan.

Highlights: “Freedom of ‘76,” “A Tear for Eddie,” “Roses Are Free,” “Baby Bitch,” “Voodoo Lady,” “Buenas Tardes Amigo.”

1996: 12 Golden Country Greats

12 Golden Country Greats was born when one of the Ween boys heard that you could get some session musicians that worked with Elvis if you went to Nashville with enough money. the result? a pretty alright country record. the session musicians steal the show on this one; the rich sound of classic country instrumentation makes this worth a listen for country fans. as a Ween record, however, it feels lacking. the band does well in the genre, but the lack of variety means that this record suffers somewhat. there are, of course, tracks worth listening to, but overall, 12 Golden Country Greats is unessential in Ween’s catalog, and lives and dies on the novelty of the fact that it is, in fact, a Ween country album.

Highlights: “I’m Holding You,” “Piss up a Rope,” “I Don’t Wanna Leave You on the Farm,” “Help Me Scrape the Mucus off My Brain.”

1997: The Mollusk

to get straight to the point, this is probably one of the best albums to start with for anyone interested in getting into Ween. The Mollusk is a concept album about the ocean, and despite this simple concept, the band does a whole lot with it. every song manages to sound nautical, even when the subject matter has nothing to do with the ocean. the genre bending typical of a Ween record is also much more focused here, focusing on rock and its sub-genres, primarily psychedelic and and progressive rock, resulting in tracks like the title track or “Mutilated Lips,” which manage to be some of Ween’s most accessible material. they also manage to put out one of their funniest tracks on The Mollusk, the raucous sea shanty “The Blarney Stone.” the album really picks up on the back half, with cuts like “It’s Gonna Be (Alright),” a lament on a failed relationship, “Cold Blows the Wind,” a ballad for a lover killed in a war, or the iconic “Ocean Man,” which anyone under 30 is likely familiar with. my only issue with this album is that it doesn’t experiment as much as many Ween albums do. despite this, however, The Mollusk is one of Ween’s strongest and most accessible albums, and should be the first stop for anyone looking into the band.

Highlights: “The Blarney Stone,” “It’s Gonna Be (Alright),” “Golden Eel,” “Cold Blows the Wind,” “Ocean Man,” “She Wanted to Leave.”

2000: White Pepper

on White Pepper, Ween attempts to out-Beatles The Beatles. this album is almost entirely composed of psychedelic pop rock, with examples of the band’s typical genre bending few and far between; the only two songs of different genres, the tropical rock Jimmy Buffett-style “Bananas and Blow” and the heavy metal “The Grobe” are on opposite sides of the record. in addition, this is one of Ween’s least weird records. this album forgoes almost all of the typical features of a Ween record in favor of a fairly straight-forward pop rock approach. despite this, White Pepper manages to stand among the band’s best records, and even approach the standards of the genre set by The Beatles themselves. indeed, the tight focus of the album is highly intentional, meant to show that Ween is not a gimmick band, and that they can make traditional rock music right alongside the best, but they choose not to, because whatever the hell it is they do is a whole lot more entertaining. because it is so different from the rest of the band’s work, i can’t recommend White Pepper as a first exposure to Ween, but it is a definite must-listen in the band’s discography nonetheless.

Highlights: “Exactly Where I’m At,” “Flutes of Chi,” “Even If You Don’t,” “Bananas and Blow,” “Back to Basom,” “Stay Forever.”

2003: Quebec

i’m just going to jump right to the conclusion here and say that Quebec is Ween’s magnum opus. this record, like The Mollusk, experiments with rock music and its sub-genres more than it tries others, creating some of the most unique tracks of the band’s career. this includes not one but two post-rock cuts in “Captain” and “Alcan Road,” the heavy psychedelic “Transdermal Celebration,” and the progressive rock epic “The Argus.” in addition, Quebec is easily Ween’s most melancholic record, and the typical dynamic of “funny song disarms you so sad song hits harder” established on God Ween Satan is flipped on its head. stranger cuts like “Hey There Fancypants” or “The Fucked Jam” function as breaks from the melancholy of the rest of the record, allowing you to gather yourself for the coming emotional critical hit. this culminates in the closer “If You Could Save Yourself (You’d Save Us All),” the breakup song to end all breakup songs that may or may not have made me cry the first time i heard it. you can’t prove that, though. you can’t prove anything. in conclusion, Quebec is an incredibly viable place to start for someone who is new to Ween, and is probably their best work to date.

Highlights: “It’s Gonna Be A Long Night,” “Transdermal Celebration,” “Happy Colored Marbles,” “I Don’t Want It,” “The Argus,” “If You Could Save Yourself (You’d Save Us All).”

2005: Shinola, Vol. 1

Shinola, Vol. 1 is probably the most high-effort compilation record ever released. rather than just putting out a bunch of poorly mastered demos, Ween remastered and re-recorded 12 songs from every period in their history which never made it to official releases, mastered them using their then-current resources, and released them all on one album. the result is the most eclectic record in Ween’s discography. bizarre early period tracks like opener “Tastes Good On Th’ Bun” or “Big Fat Fuck” sit alongside more conventional cuts like the hard-rocking Chocolate and Cheese outtake “Gabrielle” or the funky Mollusk B-side “Monique the Freak” it also features at least one previously unknown song, “Israel,” which is a jewish prayer spoken over a jazz instrumental. as a result, Shinola, Vol. 1 serves as a unique sampler of every era of the band. that said, though some tracks are essential, i wouldn’t recommend this album to beginners, if only for the fact that it is a compilation album and not indicative of what a Ween album typically sounds like.

Highlights: “Boys Club,” “Gabrielle,” “How High Can You Fly,” “Transitions,” “Israel,” “Monique the Freak.”

2007: La Cucaracha

after the more melancholic and serious Quebec, Ween returns to their typical fare on this record. the band continues their genre experimentation on La Cucaracha, becoming even more eclectic than their previous records, experimenting with EDM, reggae and new age. unfortunately, all of these experiments end up being lackluster. indeed, the genre experimentation on this record feels like a lame joke rather than something done out of genuine respect for the source material. despite this, La Cucaracha has some real gems in Ween’s discography; the 10 minute progressive rock epic “Woman and Man” and the serial killer love ballad “Object” are some highlights on the record. of course, i’d be remiss to not mention the funniest song Ween ever put to tape, “With My Own Bare Hands,” which is probably one of the best karaoke songs of all time. overall, La Cucaraha is an inconsistent mess, and perhaps not essential, but i personally can’t help but love it for the incredible highs it does reach.

Highlights: “Fiesta,” “Object,” “With My Own Bare Hands,” “Shamemaker,” “Woman and Man,” “Your Party.”

In Conclusion

Ween is easily one of the bands ever. i’m a big fan, anyway. if you want to try to get into Ween, i recommend you start with The Mollusk and work from that. Quebec and Chocolate and Cheese are the two i would recommend after that, and beyond that you can just go nuts. or you can go nuts straight out the gate if you like, that’d be appropriate for this band. here’s another spotify playlist, if only because i like putting these things together. not sure what the next one will be, i just that there will be a next one. have a good one.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5LggAk96ajGAgjTsLLAGOn?si=987d1692c62d40c0

[shikadainara]

I never asked who are your favorite Naruto characters & why ? My favorites are:

1.)Kakashi (I loved him first. He was the first character I liked)

2.) Rock Lee & Might Guy (A sweetheart he deserved much more than the show gave him). I even watched Rock Lee & His Ninja Friends. I put them together because I love them. They truly made the show hilarious.

3.) Jiraiya (Oh do I miss you toad sage. :( Out of all the deaths on the show this upsets me the most).

4.) Tsunade (She is such a bad bitch. I love her).

5.) Temari (Love her as well. She has major boss bitch energy).

BONUS: Minato (Oh I love him. He is a sweetheart. Also the storyline with him and Kushina is one of the rare things Kishimoto done correctly).

Now on to the juicy stuff which Naruto characters do you hate the most & why ?

1.) Danzo (I really can’t stand this bitch. He is the root of a lot. IF THE THIRD HOKAGE DID HIS JOB THEY WOULDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIS ASS).

2.) Kabuto (What was his purpose ? So annoying)

3.) Sakura (I’m so iffy with her she has her ups and downs, but for me the negative outweigh the good. I’m very up and down with her).

4.) Sasuke (This bitch. ALOT OF THE PROBLEMS WAS BECAUSE OF HIM. He was so aggravating when going on his vengeance spree causing people trouble for what ? If anything Naruto should be the one whose evil the lead village needs their ass whoop for what they did to him).

5.) I don’t remember his name ,but the man in the early part of the series who threw a mask at Naruto when he asked about it. Can go rot in fucking hell. Naruto didn’t deserve that.

BONUS: To be honest I don’t really hate Sakura & Sasuke they just get in my damn nerves. BUT DANZO CAN ROT IN HELL. -🦑

I’m so sorry for this long post I just love your rants.

that's ok np feel free to keep sending whatever thoughts you have i love hearing them! and unfortunately, naruto is a permanent part of my very being so for the rest of my life i will always be able to discuss naruto at the drop of a hat 😂

if you want my thoughts on ST i mean that's kinda what this entire blog is about, maybe i can make a separate post later on trying to articulate what they mean to me but i think that would be hard to write in a concise way (also should go without saying but the rest of t10/sand sibs. love them too)

so to ramble about some other characters that i love:

ANKO!! i love her soooo damn much. she was genuinely... the first favorite character i ever had. when i was watching naruto as a young child, everything about her absolutely enthralled me. as someone with undiagnosed adhd that severely hindered my life when i became an adult, i think in hindsight it's very.... oh. it is incredibly bizarre for me to think that all of this time, 17 years later...... i STILL cannot think of another character that's an adult woman that lets herself be unabashedly hyperactive???

i don't think i can articulate enough just how much i think the scene where she tries to sacrifice herself to take down orochimaru (with the very jutsu that they taught her in the first place!!) left such an impact on my young psyche. at the time, i... never saw something quite like that in media, and to this day it still makes me feel like "OH!!!"

i adoreee how she got her own filler arc where she's so burdened by the curse mark, but works through her lost memories and comes to terms with how she wasn't abandoned. she chose to left on her own. the rest of the arc fucking sucks but it was framed as such an incredible moment of what it means to have agency over your own life, no matter how horrible of an upbringing you had. it's a shame the anime/manga did absolutely nothing with her after this because i have. SO MANY THOUGHTS.

this is an INCREDIBLY unpopular opinion, but i actually adore kabuto to bits. i usually don't care for villain characters one way or the other, but kabuto is just so fucking funny in everything he does that i think he's hilarious. the way he plays along with being orochimaru's doting underling but also very obviously has his own agenda and orochimaru knows that too LOL. it's comedy gold that naruto doesn't even find out until two entire arcs later "WAIT..... YOU LIED TO ME!??!?"

like. i'm not going to excuse his actions. but his tragic backstory does really, really get to me. of course every goddamn character has a tragic backstory in this series but everything about his in particular strikes me as super fucked up. like the whole "he was setup into killing his foster mother" is fucked up enough in and of itself, but on top of that the way it's presented that he has no fucking clue what his own identity is and tries to constantly completely reinvent himself over and over again at all costs... it's super compelling stuff, that's the kind of storytelling i vibe with. all he knows is a name and a pair of glasses: two things the orphanage gifted him. (... it's especially the fact that it's a pair of glasses that gets to me ummm please know that i am very weak to glasses characters <3)

plus without him, we wouldn't have either ninja info cards or the gif of him swatting away bees. who is doing it like him hashtag #iconic

as you can probably infer from 1) glasses and 2) even if i have zero thoughts on orochimaru themself, i am incredibly fascinated by the way they affect other characters... yes, i also really like karin. i don't have many actual thoughts about her i just think she's neat

to finish it off with one more. well, naruto himself. i have MANYYY complicated, conflicting thoughts about him. (he sure did grow up to a hypocrite!) but... he's still naruto. there's no other character on the planet that conveys quite the same feeling that naruto instills in me. please know about me that i alwayssss fall for the trope where all of the characters pin their hopes and dreams on believing in the charismatic protagonist. this is a feeling i have that is independent from if i think the protagonist is well-written LOL. like... do you remember the two page spread during the war that was just the footprints of the allied shinobi forces that the left behind in the mud as the rain clears, all running forward because they believe in naruto. that's. that's good i like that

this post is long enough but let me just say that UHH i agree fuck danzo <3

[rmorde]

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2HA, Erha) delivered everything I wanted in a story plus everything I never knew I would actually want in a story.

When I consumed all four books and realized there was more, I was horrified. So, I ventured to all fan translations I can get and practically lost sleeping hours to finish it. It is that good imo.

First off tho, it is not for the faint of heart. Do not be fooled by the cover with pretty art. The premise barely scratches the surface of how dark the story is. Book 4 is also a fucking trap that lulls you into bringing down your defenses before giving you an upper cut in the face then pummeling down your soul into tiny little pieces.

It promised me a cute albeit dark-ish story of two men falling in love. However, what it delivered was a narrative with a thin veneer of fluff to hide tons of absolute brutality concerning racism, classism, elitism, generational trauma, body horror, genocide, rape, mob mentality, gossips, and so much more.

At its core tho, it is still a love story. You just need the patience of a saint and nerves of steel to power through all the pain and agony after the Farming Arc (Basically, be like Chu Wanning as a Reader). ----> I guess you can summarize my feelings as "Went in for the BL. Stayed for the plot. Surprised how underneath that pain, horror, and tragedies woven in the story - it was always about love."

Sure, there were asspulls here (Nangong Bloodline Mo Ran) and there (Butterfly Boned Beauty Feast Mo Ran). There were attempts to set up those reveals tho but they were a bit clunky. However, it is not too detrimental to the overall appeal of the story for me. There were weird phrasings and word choices too but I gave them a slide since it is a light novel after all.

The gore in the story is unexpectedly top notch tho. The fights and monsters are interesting. The stakes in the plot really ramps up the suspense. While some Reveals are fairly obvious, they were still rewarding because they were set up quite nicely such as the reveal of 0.5 Chu Wanning's soul being implanted in the current timeline Chu Wanning, Taxian-Jun appearing, and Shi Mei not being as nice as he presents himself to be.

I also like how redemption was explored in the story. A lot of characters, like Mo Ran, were presented with second chances to fix their own fuck ups. While the villainous characters were sympathetic, they were not given a pass. All of them have to work hard and make the right choices to achieve true redemption.

Just for example: Mo Ran. He feels remorse for everything he had done as Taxian-Jun. He did his best to make up for it. Chu Wanning even forgives him. However, it was not enough. Because the wrongs he had done are not just againstbWanning after all. He still had to pay for his sins with his peaceful life as Grandmaster and earn his happy ending through zombie Taxian-Jun.

There are many more characters trying to seek redemption in the story but I think it would be better if that is in a separate post instead.

Now, another recurring theme featured in Erha is kindness. In the story, Kindness can both be a blessing or a curse. A small amount of it can have big repercussions. Also, contrary to what most people think, kindness is a choice that requires a lot of (mostly thankless) hard work and sacrifice.

Anyway, Erha is my first danmei and I love it. It is dark but with a nice satisfying ending. I'll check out others. Scumbag Villain Self Saving System seems to be a good follow up but from I have read so far about it, it's kind of a parody/comedy type of story?

Maybe I'll check out Heaven Official's Blessing first instead.

#finally finished speed reading the novel #wow was it roller coaster #will be reading it a second time for further analysis #but i like it overall and its definitely my cup of tea #a horror-romance dark story that puts characters and readers thru the wringer #but is rewarding in the end if you pulled through everything

[stupidthoughtsinwriting]

i need to dump so leave if you don't want to read what i have to say

I don't complain about my mum. She's done everything for me and my brother and i will forever love her for that but damn it she says things that hurt.

i need to let this out bc i really have no friends to vent this out to but even if no one sees this, it's out there and i let it out.

I am a nice person. I like to believe im a nice person and the reason I doubt that is because i constantly get told the opposite by my own family. I try my best, to do things in the way my mum approves of and i really really try but still it isnt enough for her. i could easily forget one thing she tells me and she could ruin my just fine day by yelling at me for the smallest things and calling me ungrateful. Yes, i didnt do what i was supposed to but for christ sake i forgot. for every little thing she yells at me for it and it just... i can't stand sudden loud noises anymore because i have been yelled at so much, every loud thing startles me. I don't say my gratitude, yes but i try to show it because i didn't grow up close to her, not in that way and now i find it hard to express what i really feel and i can't tell her any of this because im scared.

the other day, i said i was nice. that i was a nice person and she said i wasnt. I replied saying I was, just not often at home and she said something along the line of 'because your not nice at home, you aren't nice at all. it starts at home' and that crushed me. did she consider the fact that i wasn't nice at home because nobody is nice to me at home. I constantly feel like i have to defend myself because of the tone that is said to me and when I give out any sort of emotion, she will fight on the fact that we/I have no right to feel mad at her because of her sacrifices.

For FUCKS SAKE i can't express emotion?!!! I can't be mad, or annoyed or tired or lazy for FUCK SAKEEESSS

you interpret completely innocent things as disrespect and we didnt even mean to do it. breathing out heavily, looking away from you. can't i just be tired and breath out?!! or look away because i dont want you to fucking ridicule the way my eye moves so you can interpret it to something you say is disrespectful to you.

i dont say any of this to you because i have it. i hate the yelling and im scare because of it.

another thing i dont want to say to her face is, I didnt ask for this. to be born. I didnt ask to be brought to life and i know, im being selfish or something but really, I didn't. you say things and make it like were such a burden to you but I didnt ask to be born. you wanted me, you raised me. understand that i can't always do everything and yelling only make it worse.

i don't say things to you because i don't feel that we're close enough to be like that bc for years, you focused on my little brother. for years, I felt that he was more your favourite than me and being the child i was, i accepted that. maybe it's me who's at fault for not learning how to open up and i take that. it's my fault.

when I do talk about something, mostly about the things im interested in, i am ignored. im dismissed. im talking too much. if so, I shut up and you take my silence as something else or nothing at all.

fuck i maybe being dramatic, as would seem to others but fuck, i need this out. i need all of it out. even just to a void no one listens to, i need it out.

it's the reason i could be so obsessive. In my head I take these characters and used them as my comfort because where else could i get it. I am sad, alone or lonely in a crowd, starved of affection that i don't know how to process and push away and these characters are all i've got to keep sane.

Mock me for feeling emotion, for crying when your mad at me and you wonder why i'm distant. why i don't tell you things about my life. why i dont answer? because i wasn't asked. because you didnt care before, i cant comprehend how you can now.

I really needed to vent this. I am so sorry for those who read for burdening you with all this but tbf you were warned. I don't care if anybody reads this, I just needed it out. Even if the person this is directed to, doesn't know any of this.

I needed to vent and truthfully, my heart feels a little bit lighter letting it all out. maybe i'll cry again in the shower or before i fall asleep but, i let it out and im kinda proud of myself for that.

#im venting #please ignore #i hardly think i made sense but i vented #and its out #i know this isnt the usual stuff i post but i really needed this #sorry to interrupt your normal program