#the climax to this story is that you both spend all of your years at nrc fooling around and toeing the line of romance

[merakiui]

a silly shoujo concept with jade where he picks up your notebook after you've left it in class. resourceful eel that he is, he flips through the pages out of curiosity. he's certain he'll just find your notes or doodles you've made out of boredom, but it never hurts to pry just a little. he won't tell a soul if he finds anything embarrassing. certainly not!

to his surprise, he finds a bucket list of sorts, which details all of the things you hope to accomplish by the end of your time at nrc. you're quite methodical about this list. there are academic goals. personal goals. social goals. you've checked some of them off: do well on this year's midterm. commit to an exercise routine. make more friends. etc. etc.

but then he happens upon the romantic goals. things like holding hands, kissing, cuddling, going on dates, sharing meals... he reads through every item on this specific list and finds himself blushing like a lovestruck maiden. it's not because of the nature of this list but, rather, the notes you've made in the margin: possible people to try this with: jade leech?

and his name is the only one you've written! :O is this...an indirect love confession? do you have feelings for him? is now a good time to hopefully try to kindle a deeper bond with you after he's spent so much time pining from the sidelines??????

tl;dr - jade wants to be the one to complete the goals on your romance list, but you're too prideful (and suspicious of him) to admit you'd ever think of him in such a light! that's too embarrassing! too much opportunity to be exploited. and jade's a bit of a shameless coward.

so he decides there's only one solution: he's going to try to court you. the mer way. the human way would be much too obvious, after all. ^^;;;;

#meraki mumbles #the climax to this story is that you both spend all of your years at nrc fooling around and toeing the line of romance #it's a 'will they won't they' when it comes to possible confessions #and it all comes together at graduation when jade finally confesses after four long years :) #jade who gets drunk because he needs the liquid courage or else he'll ramble #and maybe everyone's doing karaoke #party the weekend before graduation week #jade grabbing the microphone and drunkenly confessing his heart out #OOOOO HE'S SO *squishes him* #forgive so many ramblings... the eel is living rent-free again

[ahundredtimesover]

I Want You to Stay (11) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; mentions of childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; mention of past experience of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts, business/property devt, and book talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; sexual content (making out - I know, finally) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 23.5k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Hiii so this was quite the wait! We have come to the climax of the story and I'm both excited and terrified to share this with you. I have nothing more to say other than see you on the other side! 🤭🤭

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight  🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

Whenever Jungkook creates some distance between you and him, you often understand it. It’s his default, you think, and after learning about the pain he harbors from his childhood, you’ve come to accept it. You expect it, even. 

Recently though, he hasn’t been doing much of it. He often moves closer; sometimes, he lets you do it. Tonight, it’s both - he stands near you, he holds you, and he lets you slowly close the distance until you’re just a breath away. And for a brief moment, you think that he’d eliminate it altogether. 

But you’re not in some fantasy world, so when he pulls away, you’re reminded of who you are and who he is and that sliver of hope goes up in flames. 

“I—” he mumbles. 

“I should go,” you interject, turning away so as not to see any more of the rejection in his eyes. “Have a good evening, Mr. Jeon.”

You grab your bag then rush outside, exhaling the breath you were holding in and letting the shame fill you up as fast as the elevator reaches the first floor. You want to run to rid yourself of the embarrassment, maybe be irresponsible for once and get drunk just to forget. Maybe when you wake up in the morning, you’ll find out it was all a dream - you didn’t actually want to kiss your boss, you didn’t actually think he’d kiss you back, and he didn’t actually pull away, as if it stung him to touch you, as if it hurt him to try. 

But the thought doesn’t last long.

You get on a bus and convince yourself that staying sober tonight is a better option than reporting hungover to work tomorrow. You’ll feel embarrassed either way, but might as well be more professional about it, considering that what you’d almost done - and all the things you thought about - was nothing but that. You settle for just cup noodles for dinner; you don’t deserve anything nicer than that tonight. 

Sleep doesn’t come until past one later in the evening. You spend much of your time tossing and turning, trying hard to erase the image of Jungkook so close to you. 

But nothing works. All you see are his lips. All you can hear is his breathing. All you can smell is him. 

You wake up four hours later, exhausted and incredibly anxious for the day. You want it to be over already, and you half think of calling in sick but you know that’ll be too obvious. It could set off alarm bells to Jungkook and he might call and ask how you are, and that’s something you can’t deal with either. So you power through and nap in the car, not wanting to converse with Mr. Ri because you might tell him everything should he ask the right questions.

Your plan of action is to engage with Jungkook as little as you can, in any way that’s possible. You play around with things in his kitchen and make sure you have your back turned when he exits from his gym. The energy drink and glass of water are on the counter and you sense him lingering before he finally walks to his bedroom. You let some time pass before going to his closet to prepare his accessories for the day, then head back out, cooking his omelet as slowly as you can.

The clearing of his throat lets you know he’s done, and you glance at him before placing the dishes on the table. 

This isn’t the routine. You always fix his necktie once he shows up. It’s reflex for you, and you know that’s what he’s come to expect as well. 

But you can’t bring yourself to do that right now. It’s basically like re-enacting what happened last night and you can’t promise yourself that you won’t want to kiss him again when he’s that close. You can’t look him in the eyes, you can’t take in his scent, you can’t hear his breathing without remembering how he felt like. You know you can’t have it again, so you won’t even torture yourself even more than you already are.

His tie is slightly off and it disturbs you. He doesn’t move but he doesn’t ask you to fix it. 

You sigh to yourself. He’ll live. 

You eat quickly and it’s a contrast to him picking on his food. You’re tempted to ask if the dish isn’t to his liking, but you told yourself not to start conversations or engage in anything outside of work matters, and you’ll stick to that for as long as possible. 

“___.”

“Mr. Jeon, I’ve prepared your notes for today’s meetings,” you state before he could say anything more. “And I’m meeting with the marketing team about the additional promotional materials you wanted. Is there anything else you wish to add to the ones we talked about?”

“None for now. They can go ahead with my initial request,” he responds, his voice too soft than what you’re used to, but you don’t dare look up and meet his eyes.

You ask a few more questions and he responds accordingly. The silence is deafening and though you miss the playful banter that has become part of your mornings, you know you can’t get into that right now. Somehow, this is when you can’t act like everything’s normal. Your stupid mistake and foolish assumption is where you draw the line. You just hope the day ends quickly enough before you give in. 

Both of you head down to the car. Before going inside, you hear Jungkook ask Mr. Ri how he looks and if his tie is fixed, and you internally smack your head for being so petty about this. You didn’t think that something seemingly trivial about your daily routine with him would affect you this much, as if it somehow threw things off-balance just because you were so afraid to be close. You realize now that you would look forward to those few seconds because that was the only time you had a reason to touch him. 

But he’s everything you can’t desire and given that you almost crossed a line, you know you’re gonna have to slowly pull back. Not just with regards to your feelings but in everything, as you take a peek of your personal phone and see an email notification about an upcoming book launch from Rkive Publishing. You subscribed to their mailing list right after you met their director, and you’ve been sitting on his email address and the application letter you have yet to submit. 

Since that encounter, you’ve been occasionally looking at other job opportunities in different fields. You realize that nothing much excites you. There’s not much you think is worth slaving your way for in this corporate jungle, and that while you’re currently part of that machine, the only thing that got you going these past eight years was the debt you had to pay. 

You had your reasons to stay but being at this point when you’re ready to let that go, you’re realizing that there wasn’t much else about the job that got you truly excited. Sure, it was also the people, but they’re why you couldn’t leave. It wasn’t until the planning for the Arts Center that you felt you could truly be invested in a project and have impact on it, too; it just so happens that the man behind it is the reason why you have to step away. You know it’s the only way you could finally choose yourself and pursue what you want. At 31, you owe it to yourself to do that. 

Your thoughts are disrupted when the familiar building comes into view, and you exit the car and head to your floor, trailing Jungkook this time instead of walking by his side as what you’ve come to do. You can tell that he notices the distance but you don’t want to address it. Being terrible at any form of confrontation, you don’t really want to acknowledge anything that happened. You’ll deal with him if he brings it up, and for all the times that you screwed up, you wish to the heavens that Jungkook lets this one go. 

You head to your desk while he heads to his. You make him his coffee then ask him to sign some documents. You focus on his hands as he flips through the pages, preferring to look at those instead of his face. But it’s those fingers that pressed against you last night, and you shake your head at the memory, even if all you want is to feel them again.

You retrieve the papers, your heart stopping when he doesn’t let them go right away. Your eyes widen and you still don’t look at him, even as you anticipate him to say something.

“___.”

“Mr. Min asked to meet with you after lunch,” you cut him off again before he could say more.

“I know. That email was sent to you and me.”

“Yes, sir. I was just making sure.”

He lets go of the papers now and you bow before quickly heading out. You just know he had his eyebrows scrunched at you. He’s probably trying to make sense of how jittery you seem and though he may know why, you’re not sure if he knows why.

You get through the morning in one piece. You attend your meeting while Jungkook attends his own with his father. You grab a quick lunch with Do-hyun, whose narration of her love life takes up the whole half hour, then you return to your tasks once you finish.

Hyper-focused on the file you’re reviewing, Yoongi’s usually unenthusiastic greeting catches you off guard, causing your lips to miss the hot tea that you’re about to drink. You jerk, spilling all of it on you. You subsequently hit the saucer that’s on the edge of the table; it falls on the floor and breaks.

“Fuck!” You whisper yell, as you feel the drink pool on your skirt.

“Shit, is it burning?” Yoongi asks worriedly. 

He immediately rushes to your side and grabs some paper towels from the cabinet, placing them on your lap and on the floor.

“Don’t move so you don’t spread the broken pieces,” he instructs. “Are you hurt?”

“No. I’m just uncomfortable,” you groan, with your knees awkwardly touching each other and your thighs squeezed to keep the liquid from spreading. 

You’re at least in a black skirt but you know the stain will still be visible. That’s the least of your problems though, as Jungkook arrives from his meeting and heads to you with a folder, only to find Yoongi kneeling on the floor next to you. Jungkook’s eyes widen, seemingly scandalized at what this looks like, and they flit from you to his friend, whose calm face quickly turns into one of panic. 

“She spilled her tea and the saucer broke,” Yoongi explains, raising the soiled paper towels as evidence. He tells you to move back so he can place them over the shards while Jungkook looks on intently. “Are you good? Do you have spare clothes?” Yoongi asks you.

“Uh, ye-yeah,” you manage to say, hating how frozen you seem to be. With the tea having been absorbed, you grab your bag from your cabinet, the one you’ve started to keep and bring with you during trips in case you get stranded again, then throw the towels in the trash bin. “I’ll just go get changed.”

You scurry towards the washroom and leave the men alone, knowing that Yoongi will hold the fort for both of you. 

Back inside, Jungkook eyes Yoongi as he calls for maintenance to clean up the mess.

“She spilled her tea and the saucer broke,” Yoongi says again. “She couldn’t move and I just cleaned up.”

“I heard you the first time,” Jungkook states.

“Just making sure, so your mind doesn’t think of whatever it thinks about,” Yoongi shrugs. “But is she okay? She seems a bit out of it.”

“I don’t know,” Jungkook looks away. “Don’t you usually know those things?”

“Well, I assume that since you’ve gotten closer, you would know. Unless it’s about you… Were you mean to her again?”

Yoongi’s unusual scowl is one that Jungkook is secretly terrified of but he acts unaffected, merely shaking his head in response and to dismiss the assumption. He’ll admit that his friend’s statement is quite bittersweet, though. Yes, you and Jungkook have both gotten closer and there hasn’t been an incident in months where you could’ve had a reason to be down because of him. 

Unless last night counts, which is something he’s still wrapping his head around. 

He thinks back to that moment right by your desk. You were so close. And he was so close to doing something more than just holding onto your waist. He saw you eye his lips and he did the same but the realization of where you both were - in a semi-open space in the office - reminded him of his limits. Sure, it was after-hours and no one would have any reason to be on the floor at that time, but it still felt too exposed and he didn’t want either of you to be put in such a compromising position, even if every part of his body was aching to kiss you. 

He wouldn’t have known you were talking about him if it weren’t for the way you held him close and that unfamiliar look of yearning in your eyes. At that moment, he let himself hope that he’s who you wanted, even if he’s also the same man you believed wouldn’t cross his boundaries for you.

Even then, you had been so bold, so honest. He wished he was as brave and as capable to express his desires as you were. He never thought you’d feel anything for him - him, the one who made your life miserable for weeks, the one who treated you unfairly because you made him feel - and want - things he couldn’t understand and control. Your calm and warm nature made him think he wasn’t anyone special. He dismissed whatever part of him that thought otherwise because he couldn’t hope for something he couldn’t have.

But last night, the way you looked at him also made him feel like all he desired was within reach, like you were within his grasp. Your lips were everything he wanted all over him. Your soft breaths were what he wanted to take in. You were all he wanted to taste and touch and hear, and he’d been so, so close to crossing a line that he said he wouldn’t because he was afraid it would push you away and that’s the last thing he wants to do.

He was overwhelmed but he was just as scared, believing that there’s no turning back if something had happened. He almost stepped over the line but pulled back just as quickly, and now it seems that that’s what’s keeping you at a distance. Because as you return to your desk, you merely bow at him then go through the folder of documents he’d given you.

“Yoongi and I will just meet for an hour,” he says. “Please be ready with the Arts Center opening event budget that I’ll go through with Hoseok later.”

“That’s noted, sir.”

Jungkook sighs in disappointment as you don’t spare him a glance. He just wants to see those eyes again, the ones that yearned for him last night, the ones that asked him - almost challenged him - to get closer. But he’d been the coward who let you go, and now he doesn’t know how to turn back from this.

He enters his room then turns around to face Yoongi.

“I feel so much and I don’t know what to do.”

“I know,” his friend hums, feeling relieved that Jungkook can now acknowledge something he’d known for a while now. But Yoongi also knows that it’s not that simple, and while he knows of the possibility that you feel the same, reciprocated feelings don’t always mean happy endings. “Just don’t… just don’t hurt her,” he adds.

“Why do I feel like whatever I do, it’s what I’ll end up doing anyway?”

“She’ll know when you mean it and when you don’t. And you know what helps?”

“What?”

“Letting her know that hurting her isn’t what you want to do. You’ve got a lot to say, Jungkook, I know it,” Yoongi remarks. “Just be brave enough to say them.”

Yoongi’s words linger in Jungkook’s mind for the rest of the day, especially during the times that he peeks through the window to get a glimpse of you. You seem determined not to look his way, as you don’t even attempt to look at his direction all afternoon. There is a lot he’s got to say, he just doesn’t know what they are or how to say them. It’s always been that way when it comes to you - he feels so much, but he's unable to let you know.

Despite your avoidance all day, he feels your absence even more when you leave at 6PM, on the dot, without sparing him a glance. He could run after you and ask to talk. He wouldn’t know how to start that conversation though, but if it would bring you to finally look at him or say his name, then it would be enough. 

He just wants to know what last night meant for you. And if it means what he hopes it does, then maybe it isn’t about turning back but moving forward. He knows it will be complicated, but he wants to figure it out with you. He’ll choose the path where he gets to be around you, close to you. Always.

Jungkook pulls out the bottle of whiskey he keeps in his drawer to momentarily drown out these thoughts. For some, liquor gives them courage. For him, he drinks it because he’s afraid to be brave.

As he replays the way you looked at him last night, he wonders to himself what he’s more scared of - never having you close enough, or losing you completely. 

The three films you watch in the cinema that Saturday afternoon are a good distraction to all the thoughts in your head. You occasionally do this because watching other people’s lives play out in film gives you something to ponder about. Sometimes, you let it inspire you to live differently. Other times, it allows you a peek into a life much more exciting than the one you have. In some instances, it gives you a sense of relief that yours is uneventful, lacking in drama and intrigue.

At this moment, you’re not quite sure what you want out of it other than to forget. What exactly, you’re not sure. Is it the way you felt when Jungkook held you? Is it the way he seemed to want more and then nothing at all? Or is it the hope you had that you’d found someone you were willing to give a bit of yourself to, only for the glass to shatter because that’s not what you do - you don’t desire for things not meant for you; you don’t open yourself to heartbreak like that. 

Jungkook has always made you feel a lot of things. This time is no different. But this time it also means more. You could lose him completely or have something with him that could be beautiful. One would hurt right away and the other could hurt you down the road. You don’t know which one you’re willing to suffer through. 

Suddenly you wish you didn’t get to this point at all. You could’ve left when you had the chance. You could’ve let him not mean to you this much. 

You continue to wallow in the sadness. You eat dinner at a ramen place before going home and settling in bed with your best friends on video call. You tell them about the past two days and narrate your moments with Jungkook during the team building that you left out when you spoke to them about it. Looking at them through the screen, you see a mix of understanding and frustration on their faces. 

“Why are you avoiding him, hun?” Soomin asks, her eyes soft and comforting.

“Because I’m so embarrassed,” you groan, burying your face on the pillow. “I was so… shameless. I don’t even know what got into me. He just looked at me and I… lost all sense. Who was I to assume that moment would end well? That he’d reciprocate that honesty?”

“And you think not talking about it will rid you of that embarrassment?” She wonders.

“No. But it’s at least better than facing it,” you frown. “I’m not good with words nor feelings. And I’m sure that neither is he. I’m just trying to be professional now because I obviously wasn’t.”

You leave out your fears about meeting his eyes and hearing what he has to say. Even if he returns whatever you feel, there’s so much burden tied to that and you don’t think you’re ready for it. You don’t think you’re ready for any of this.

“It doesn’t seem sustainable though,” Soomin points out. “You’re together all the time. You’ve created a routine and a dynamic that you’ve gotten so used to. It takes more effort to avoid the whole thing, don’t you think?”

“I guess but… we’re all busy with the Arts Center opening. And I plan on tending my resignation right after,” you explain. “There’s no time to talk about feelings. I’ll just let it die down. It’s stupid to have them in the first place.” 

The prolonged silence prompts you to turn towards her. “You don’t agree with me, do you?”

“I just don’t think it’s stupid to be feeling what you’re feeling,” Soomin replies. “You spend so much time together. You’re bound to form some attachment and develop affection for him, regardless of how things started. I mean, through all the late-nights and early mornings and stresses and comfort in between, there’s something only two of you share and understand. That’s not stupid. That’s how connections are formed, hun.”

Attachment. Connection. They terrify you but they’re things that you desire as well. You don’t know how deep they are when it comes to Jungkook and you don’t know if they’re something he feels towards you, too.

“Maybe you’re just trying to convince yourself that it isn’t that serious,” she adds. “Maybe it’s because you know that it is, and you don’t know if it’s worth pursuing, if it’s worth finding out if he returns it and if being with him is something that can happen.”

You look away, knowing the truth in her words. You turn to Jimin, who’s been unusually quiet all evening.

“What do you think Jimin?” You ask him. “I mean, it’s one thing to feel something and another to act on it and risk everything for it, right?”

“There’s always something you risk once you acknowledge what you feel for another person,” he says after pondering about it. “For me, acting on it just depends on two things. Is it good for me, and is it good for them? In your case, it’s something to really think about. You’re you and he’s him. And you know what I mean. You’ve been wanting to walk away from this company for years, ___. You wanna be something outside of it. How does being with your boss help with that?”

Jimin’s words remind you of something else you’ve been yearning for - that search for who you are outside of your work, outside of all the years you spent working for this family that have become a core part of who you are. For people like you who have to work extra hard for the things you have, it becomes natural for your job to define you as a means of survival. It doesn’t give you power nor influence; it just gives you a means to get to the next day and to give back to the one person who sacrificed everything for you. 

As the years went by, it became more difficult to pull away. This family trusts you, and your confidence has only ever increased as an employee of this company, but not as a professional. You’ve been wanting to learn who you are without the burdens you carry, without the need to constantly prove yourself to the people who helped make you, and Jungkook ties you to all this. Whether it’s pursuing him or working for him, you’re afraid you’ll never be brave enough to do things on your own.

You weren’t supposed to be this attached. You weren’t supposed to be this invested. You weren’t supposed to want to be wanted back. 

But Jungkook made you care. He made you feel. He made you be brave. And he’s now the one you have to pull away from.

“You’re right,” you sigh. “Maybe in a way, I needed this to happen. I needed this… moment to remind me that I have to leave and I can’t let him be another reason for me to stay, not when I feel what I feel, and not when I don’t know if he feels the same way.”

“What if he does, though?” Soomin asks. “And what if he asks you to stay?”

“Thinking about it now, I hope he doesn’t,” you say. “It’d be much easier for me if he just lets me go. I can finally walk away from all this. And I can get over what I feel.”

“Is that what you really want?” Soomin adds.

You nod in response. “At least I know I’ll be happy outside of working for the company. Who knows what having him in my life would bring me?”

The book cafe in Mapo district boasts of an elegant yet comfortable design. It has three levels that consist of a library and working spaces, but it’s on the first floor that you find yourself in, tucked in one of the corner tables at the back with your iced coffee and fruit tart. 

You listen in awe as the author reads excerpts from her newly released book, which she narrates with vigor and emotion. She answers questions about her purpose for writing this specific story, the inspiration for the characters, and interesting things like who she’d cast if it were to become a movie and what the playlist would sound like. It’s the first book launch you’ve ever been to, and despite not being an avid reader, you have a feeling that it won’t be your last. 

There’s something about the storytelling and the process of creating something that captivates you. There’s not much of that in your world. It’s all numbers and profits. It’s soulless, if you’re being honest. It doesn’t give you time to feel or live in the moment or actually bask in the work that you do. You’re there to support, to assist, and while that used to be something you were proud of, the past year has made you think that it’s truly time to move on from it. It’s made you desensitized to things like joy and hope and love, which prompts you to realize that those are what have been missing. Working on the Arts Center gave you a taste of it. You’ve come to the point where you want to know how those truly feel like, and the job has hindered you from fully finding it out.

All your emotions for Jungkook take a backseat the more you think about what your life could be, especially while you watch Namjoon gather what seems to be his team, as he congratulates them for a successful launch. They’re all in casual clothes, looking relaxed, relieved, and fulfilled as the event comes to a close and several people approach the author and ask her to sign their books. You can imagine the stress leading up to all this, but there’s satisfaction in putting together something this intimate and meaningful. 

“You made it,” the man with the soft smile says, the child-like innocence of his face, a contrast to his very masculine build. “I’m glad those newsletters and email invites work.”

“I think they’re the only ones I actually read,” you say, earning you a brighter smile from him. “But honestly though, it helps that a book cafe is something I wouldn’t mind being in on a Sunday morning.”

“Exactly!” Namjoon beams. “It’s easy to make it a part of your weekend. Whether it translates to immediate sales isn’t the whole point, although that’s great, don’t get me wrong. But as long as there’s foot traffic and increased interest, then it’s a success. Our launches have been gaining traction on social media. And the—shit, sorry. I’m rambling again,” he chuckles. “I doubt you came here with the intention of listening to me talk about what we do and stuff.”

“Oh, I don’t mind at all,” you assure him. “I don’t actually go to things like this but I thought it might be a good way to have a feel of what it’s like working for your company without inconveniencing you. I mean, I haven’t applied yet but I just wanted to see if this is something I’d enjoy doing.”

“And?” He asks in anticipation.

“It kind of is,” you admit. “I don’t know. There’s just something so personal about it.”

“There really is,” Namjoon nods.

His face turns serious now, something that happens when he’s about to go on a speech about whatever it is he feels strongly about. He’s expressive and it’s quite captivating, which is refreshing in a colleague, you realize. 

Sitting across from you in your little nook in the cafe, he talks about the journey of this whole process, how he reached out to the author who turned out was trying to contact him as well. He was hoping to publish one of her manuscripts that was shared to him by a friend, but she offered this one instead, a very personal story that she trusted his company would do justice. 

“I sat the whole team down and told them what this means for her as an author and as a person, and what that in turn could mean to the readers,” he continues. “There’s so much responsibility but the return is worth more than you could imagine. Of course, it’s not always easy. We have a relatively small team for the amount of things that we have to do but it works. Communication is smooth, accountability is shared, and we build our trust and respect in each other that way. I think that makes it even more worth it in the end.”

“You’re really trying to lure me in, aren’t you?” You laugh.

“Pretty much,” he chuckles. “I just think our meetings are serendipitous. There were two people who were supposed to take on the role but they backed out last minute - on both cases, I see you the next day. The universe probably has plans.”

“It probably does,” you nod, slowly believing him. “The only reason why I haven’t applied yet is because this is all so new to me and I may not be what you’re looking for.”

“But it could be that we’re what you’re looking for,” he counters. “Even if the industry is new to you, if it’s a place you’re comfortable in and that you think will help you grow professionally, then you become what we need. It’s give and take, really. Your approach to the work impacts how you do it. Yes, it’s still a job but it also means a lot more.”

“You’re very good at this,” you say, feeling more at ease as you speak with him, a stranger who has no idea what you’re going through but is somehow saying the exact things you need to hear. “I just have a timeline I’m working around. My company has an important thing coming up in several weeks and I don’t want to leave before then. It’s also why I’ve been delaying applying.”

“Hey, if we see that we’re a good fit for each other, then we can work around your timeline,” he says. “To help with that, maybe we can chat more casually to relieve you of the pressure. I have some things to return to the office not far from here and you can tell me a bit about the work that you do. What do you think?”

It’s a suggestion you take up, so you both start walking a few streets down to a mid-rise building, a structure that sits amidst cozy cafes and small parks. 

The Rkive Publishing office is spacious. Instead of solo desks, there are large tables so there are more opportunities for collaborations, but there are small meeting rooms and private spaces as well. There are floor-to-ceiling windows, shelves that are lined with hundreds of books, and quirky art pieces that give the place a unique yet personal touch. It’s leagues different from what you’re used to, and as you appreciate the way the sunlight makes the whole place glow, you start to think that Namjoon may be right - this might just be what you’re looking for. 

You disclose who you work for then tell him your functions, narrate how a usual day looks like, and mention the types of people you usually engage with. But you share how you’ve felt lost in the chaos of everything and that you’ve been trying to find purpose in it but have been unable to. 

Namjoon purses his lips, attempting to hide a smile, but you call him out on it.

“I’m just trying not to get too excited,” he reasons, giving in and chuckling now. “We need organization, a sense of urgency, a kind of professionalism that someone of your caliber could bring. I don’t want to get my hopes up and yes, there’s a process, but I hope you give us a chance.”

It’s easy to think that this man has no idea what he’s saying, but he’s been talking about going with his gut feeling all morning - he’s said as much that following his heart and doing what feels right for him allowed him to turn the company into what it is right now. Maybe meeting the first time was just a coincidence, but the pull of the universe - of you to this environment and him to you - is just too strong that you can’t help but think that maybe this is the next step for you. For all the challenges you went through all these years, maybe you deserve something a little more smooth sailing this time. 

You don’t make any promises but you do assure him that you’ll send him an email. There are obviously other pressing matters that you have to deal with but this has been a good distraction, one that you allow to preoccupy you for the rest of the day. 

After saying goodbye, you walk around the neighborhood and spend the afternoon by the river where you wonder about the people surrounding you. 

What dilemmas are they facing? What heartbreaks are they trying to move on from? What new adventure are they preparing for? Or maybe, who are they trying to forget? Who’s waiting at home for them? Are they watching the sunset because they know it’s beautiful or because they’ve forgotten that it is? 

You let out a breath once the sun has dipped and the sky has turned a dark shade of blue. You feel a mix of awe at its beauty and disappointment because the day has come to an end. You once more have to face the person you’ve been trying not to think about all weekend.

Giving yourself a pep talk, you go to bed that night with the plan of continuing what you did last Friday, which is avoiding any moments and any chances of talking about what happened. If Jungkook brings it up, then you’ll just have to face it and ask him to forget about that night and then deal with the consequences after. But there’s no way that you’ll say anything first; you’ll ride this out for as long as you can.

Avoiding talking to Jungkook about non-work matters - which is really what you only intended to do - is much more difficult when you have to pretend you don’t care about him. 

That Monday morning, you stop yourself from asking how he’s doing after spotting the empty whiskey bottle and beer cans in his kitchen bin. While you give him the usual hangover remedy, you stop short of suggesting that he get some rest or buying him his favorite lunch dish. 

During the meeting that you accompany him to in the afternoon, you watch him helplessly as his father hounds him with questions about the other projects, adding even more pressure than what he’s currently under, and you look away when he tries to meet your eyes. You used to send him encouragement through your gentle nods and soft smiles but you’re scared you’ll fall into your feelings once again if you do them, knowing that any sign of him needing you is all it would take for you to give in and talk to him, maybe comfort him. 

You’ve become so weak for him, you realize that now. His detachment used to put you off and frustrate you, but knowing him the way you do, it’s what makes you want to be there for him; it’s what makes you want to assure him that you’re just there. 

But you aren’t, because you’re pushing him away. You’re making him go through his confusion and stress and exhaustion all on his own because you’re a coward, too. You’re scared of your own feelings. You’re scared of them being rejected and you’re scared of them being returned. You didn’t realize just how much you are because you never actually felt something this deeply for anyone, and that terrifies you even more. 

Watching him from your desk as he pores through documents on his laptop is hard, too. You’re done for the day but he’s said earlier that he’ll be staying late to finish a few things because there are many distractions at his place. You want to tell him they can wait, that he’ll need to rest and regain his energy for the week ahead, or that some fresh air could help clear his mind. 

But you don’t. Instead, you pack your things and head out, knowing that much as it’s your decision to force this distance between both of you, it’s still something you wish you didn’t have to do. You don’t know how long you can sustain it, but somehow you know that once he gives in, so will you, and so all this might as well just be useless or even worse for you. 

Mr. Ri picks up on the change the next morning, as he asks if you and Jungkook had an argument on the way to his penthouse. 

“There was no argument, ” you answer. “There’s just a lot on my mind and he’s a big part of that. I just… I just don't know how to deal with things, you know?”

“Things like what?” Mr. Ri asks. 

“Feelings,” you sigh. “I mean, you said they can’t be helped. And you’re right, I can’t. That’s my big problem right now.”

“Oh, ___,” he says, softly smiling through the rear view mirror. 

You can tell he’s trying to comfort you, something he’s told you before he’s unsure how to do. You brush him off, saying you’ll figure it out, and he assures you that you could talk to him and that maybe, you need to just let it out to someone who knows what you’re battling against. You express your appreciation then inhale deeply once you arrive at Jungkook’s building. 

The clanking sound of plates surprises you when you enter the penthouse. You walk cautiously towards the kitchen and find Jungkook already dressed in his work attire, placing the basket of toasted bread in the middle of the dining table where you spot the two plates with eggs in each. You wonder if you’re late, given that he’d gone ahead and made breakfast for both of you already. 

“You’re on time,” he says after seeing you check your watch. “I was just up early. I couldn’t really sleep. I think I have too much on my mind.”

“I still could have made this for you,” you say so softly, Jungkook almost misses it.

“I didn’t mind,” he answers, wanting to say more, like that he thought it would be nice to make something for you for a change, or that he hopes you could see the effort.

But he keeps them to himself, just like the many other things that he doesn’t feel ready to verbalize. He hasn’t stopped thinking about you since Thursday night, and he thinks that the distance you’re creating has made his desire even stronger, but so has the fear. 

He spent the weekend downing alcohol and then boxing for hours to get rid of the hangover. The lemon ginger tea he made didn’t really work. He placed the bandage on his beat-up knuckles incorrectly, not like how perfectly you’d done it once. And the chicken noodle soup he ordered when he wasn’t feeling well last night didn’t taste as good as yours. 

His mornings aren’t the same without the briefest touch from you from fixing his tie, or from the casual conversations during breakfast or in the car. There’s not much of your voice or your laughter that he hears, and definitely none of your smile that always encouraged him, that always assured him. This continues for the rest of the day, as he barely feels your presence unless he asks for it. And even then, it almost feels like you’re not there at all. 

He feels so lost without you, unable to focus and function properly without your guidance and your care. He doesn’t know how or when he’s allowed himself to need you this much but it all feels so new yet familiar. All he wants is to be near you again but he admits that seeing you consistently pull away hurts him more than anything. 

It’s why that Wednesday, he settles for only minimal glances at you in the car, why he conducts his morning meeting in a cafe instead, why he has the blinds on in his room all afternoon, and why he stays to work late and informs you that he’ll go straight to the Arts Center the next day so he’ll just meet you in the office.

He does all those so he’s forced to be around you less, so he doesn’t look up from his desk to find out that you don’t look his way anymore, so that it’s less difficult when you don’t do your usual routine with him. He at least won’t feel as bad when you don’t ask how he’s feeling if you don’t see him look terrible in the morning after not being able to sleep, or when you don’t fix his necktie for the fifth time this past week if he’s not around you in the first place. 

You’ve been going out of your way to avoid him and if he had a bit more courage, he’d probably be able to ask what Thursday night was about and if you’d really wanted to kiss him like he did. 

But he’s afraid of two things - that you’d ask him to forget all of it, or that you’d both have to figure out how to move forward if the feelings are indeed mutual. There are so many things that could go wrong but just as many that could go right - he’s scared to hurt you either way. And like he’s always said, he doesn’t know how to handle all of this; he doesn’t know how to talk about what he feels.

Thursday morning comes and while you’re relieved that you don’t have to tiptoe around Jungkook again in his own apartment and feel suffocated by the tension, you won’t lie and say that you deeply felt his absence. You also won’t deny that seeing him walk towards his office without sparing you a glance hurt you a little. You know him enough that he’s probably giving you the space that you’ve insisted on, but still, a part of you wonders if he’s just accepted it, too. 

And when you hand him his notes for his late afternoon meeting then when he leaves for the CEO’s office without a look of acknowledgment, you worry that he’s become impatient, that he’ll keep pulling away for as long as you are, and that you’ll be so far apart that you’ll start to wonder if you’d come close to him at all. 

But you did this, you remind yourself. You’d been the one to get close, to expect, and then to detach because you were so afraid of what would happen next, and what that would mean for you. He’s probably the last thread you’re holding onto, connecting you to this world that you’ve been planning on leaving for so long. Maybe you’re also scared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and the last thing you want is for him to be the reason why you can’t let go, and then resent him for it. 

You sigh in your seat as the various thoughts plague your mind. You decide to go to the pantry for a cup of tea, knowing you have some time before Jungkook’s meeting with his father is scheduled to end. 

The support team’s office is unnervingly quiet at 7PM with only Mr. Ri around, shaking his leg against the chair while browsing on his desktop. He greets you when you enter and then joins you to make his cup of coffee - his fourth for the day, he says - before you both head out the pantry and sit by the meeting table. 

There aren’t any words said as you both blow away the steam from your respective hot drinks, merely letting the tranquility of the evening envelop the two of you. A few minutes pass and Mr. Ri finally looks up and asks why you’re still here, to which you reply that you wanted to be around when Jungkook’s meeting finishes in case he needs you to do something.

“There’s no need to drop me home,” you tell him. “I can manage on my own.”

“You know Jungkook won’t like that,” Mr. Ri responds. “He has strict instructions to drive for you whenever you stay out late. I can’t and won’t disobey those orders.”

You know this, which is why you sit in silence with your hands on your lap as if you’re being scolded, and you nod. 

“Okay,” you say softly.  

“He’s worried, you know?” Mr. Ri says after a while. “He’s been asking me how you’re doing, as if you’re not at the point in your relationship where he can directly talk to you. But I’ve actually been worried about him this past week. He stays up late to work, then goes home to work out. He’s not himself lately, always out of it and just… sad.”

“Did he… did he say anything else? About us, specifically?”

“He didn’t tell me if anything happened but I’m guessing something did, something serious enough that you’d avoid him for days and personal enough that he won’t confront you about it.”

Your face falls, guilt painting it, something Mr. Ri picks up.

“It’s about your feelings, isn’t it?” He asks. “You like him and you can no longer deny it.”

You nod in confirmation, unable to verbalize the words that your heart has been screaming for weeks. 

“Is it so hard to admit? Is it so hard to talk about?” The older man asks. “I mean, he doesn’t tell me anything but I’ve known that man his whole life, ___. I’ll bet a lot and say that he feels the same way about you. Why are you both putting all your effort into avoiding each other instead of talking it out?”

“Because you know us, Mr. Ri. We’re the worst at these things,” you shake your head, choosing to disregard his statement that Jungkook may be reciprocating the feelings, knowing you’re not ready to think about it. “And you know this, too. It’s not just about what I feel. It’s about who he is and who I am and what those imply. It’s this complicated situation that I wouldn’t even be in if I just… if I was just strong enough to leave the first time. Or the second time.”

“Hey, you know it wasn’t about that,” he says. “You were always strong. You held on even when things were difficult—”

“Yeah, I just held on and now I’m here, caught in between liking my boss and wanting to stay away from him, from his family,” you groan in frustration. 

But you utter the thoughts that you only rarely entertain, only because they’re what held you back all those years ago.

“Am I being selfish, for wanting to leave after everything?” You ask. “They’ve been so good to me. And now that I crossed the line and fell for their son, I want to let everything go.”

“Is that really why you want to resign? Because you like Jungkook?”

“No… it isn’t just about that,” you sigh. “Or it is. A big part of it, but also not. I… you know I’ve been thinking about this since the whole thing with Mrs. Byun happened, and that was six years ago. But then CEO Jeon asked me to help Hoseok and I stayed. And it was even more important for him that I be there for Jungkook. And I am but now what? How can I continue knowing that I like him? And how can I find myself and learn who I am outside of this when I’m here, when this is all I’ve ever known and all I’ve ever given myself to? They’ll always be good to me. I feel selfish by staying, but I also feel that way if I leave.”

“None of that makes you selfish, ___. You always had a reason to leave and you could have, but there was also always gonna be a reason for you to stay,” he says. “But they were their reasons, not yours. Whether you stay despite what you feel for Jungkook or leave to find yourself and seek the happiness you deserve, you’re not being selfish.”

You look at the man whom you’ve known for years and he sees in your eyes a woman who’s just asking for any kind of comfort, of any kind of assurance because no else is around to do that.

“We do what we can at every moment, and we can live with our choices if we know they’re the best one we can make at that time,” he continues. “Whatever it is you decide to do, I hope you do it for you. You’re the only person you have to look out for.”

Right outside the door, Jungkook remains unmoving as he processes everything he’d heard, while you continue to talk inside, completely oblivious to how you’ve rendered him paralyzed. 

Jungkook’s meeting with his father ended much sooner than he expected. They merely discussed some happenings with the Board and the lunch that they’ll be hosting on Saturday to welcome some of their family’s long-time friends who are flying in from Europe. 

He headed to the support office immediately to tell Mr. Ri that he plans to go home soon but hadn’t known you were there as well. But then again, you and their trusted aide - who’s been his father’s chauffeur, bodyguard, and personal assistant for decades - spend a lot of time together, so it didn’t feel off to Jungkook that you’d both be talking. He’s asked the older man to look out for you, too, especially with regards to things that he feels isn’t really his place. 

Jungkook didn’t hear much at first, initially deciding to just walk back to his office and call, but once he heard Mr. Ri asking you about resigning, he stopped in his tracks. He felt foolish to be listening in on a conversation he’s not a part of, especially since it’s also because of him.

It should’ve delighted him to hear you say that you like him. Jungkook could’ve only dreamt up that reality and it still feels surreal. You didn’t have a reason to lie and the fact that he isn’t the only one seemingly overwhelmed by his own feelings should be a good thing. 

But that also seems to be your reason for wanting to leave, and the thought breaks his heart in ways he can’t explain. You’ve apparently been planning on leaving for years but never got around to do so. If you stayed when his father asked you to, would you do the same if he asked? And he believes that up until last week, your relationship had become the most comfortable it’s ever been. You seem happy here, but why did it also seem like you just wanted to get away? 

The thoughts make his head hurt, and while a part of him wishes he hadn’t heard anything, he at least knows you plan on leaving. And that’s something he absolutely cannot bear.

The sounds of the chairs being fixed disrupt his thoughts. When he hears Mr. Ri suggest that you should start packing up, Jungkook quietly walks back to his office and nonchalantly calls the older man to inform him that he plans on staying up late and that he should drop you home already. If Mr. Ri notices the odd tone of his voice, he doesn’t say anything. He merely expresses his confirmation and not long after, Jungkook hears some shuffling outside his closed door.

“Is there anything you need from me before I leave, Mr. Jeon?” You call out, the walls in between both of you feeling higher and thicker than ever before.

He knows that you know that he no longer asks you to do anything at this hour, and he comforts himself by thinking that it’s your way of letting him know that you’re still there. But the thought is short-lived, as he once again plays the conversation he’d overheard in his mind.

“There’s none,” he says pointedly. “You may leave.”

It takes a while but he eventually hears you walk out. Jungkook feels himself breathe for the first time in the last 15 minutes, before he feels suffocated once again. 

Maybe pulling away last week when he’d been so close gave you the idea that he didn’t want you at all, and maybe that had affected you more than he expected. Maybe him, creating more distance that you’d initiated, made you think that that’s what he wanted after all that. Perhaps his being a coward in facing his own feelings had pushed you away, too, and if you’re scared of what you feel for him, maybe letting you know that he feels the same way is what will make you stay. He could be the happiness you’re searching for, Jungkook convinces himself. He could be what you want and need.

And he already knows that you’re all that for him. Whatever rules he created for himself and the limits he imposed are all pointless if he doesn’t have you around at the end of it. If his life after all this doesn’t have you in it, there’s no happiness for him. A new job for you could take you anywhere, maybe far away from where he is; it could lead you to someone, someone who isn’t him.

He hates that an overheard conversation about you resigning is what will take for him to finally be honest about what he feels for you. And that potentially losing you by his side is the push he needs to let you know that he wants you, that he wants everything with you, and that he hopes you want the same. 

It’s 9:30 PM by the time he enters the car, his head hazy from the two glasses of whiskey he had. Mr. Ri calls him out on another night of him drinking in the office and orders him to get straight to bed like he’d done a few times before when Jungkook had been too stressed and too stubborn to rest. He merely nods though but he follows through, skipping dinner then mindlessly taking a shower before falling asleep in bed after finishing a bottle of beer.

The ringing of the alarm causes Jungkook to grunt and turn off his phone for the peace and quiet that he needs, given the throbbing of his head. But in the silence, he hears the soft knocks on his door, so consistent that he decides to just open it and ask the person on the other side to stop.

But of course, it’s you, and the way you quickly turn your head away reminds him that he’s got nothing but his sweatpants on and he’s too sleepy for anything else to register.

“It’s 7AM, Mr. Jeon. You have an executive meeting at 8,” you tell him, voice so soft and so far away. 

“Fuck,” he groans, rubbing his temples to massage the pain away. “I’ll just take a shower. Don’t make breakfast anymore. We leave in 20 minutes.”

“Noted, sir,” you say, then walk back towards the kitchen.

It’s 15 minutes later when his bedroom door opens and he nervously walks over to you. Unable to still remove the image of his half-naked form in your mind, you focus your gaze elsewhere, but he forces it on him when he asks you to fix his necktie, the first time he’d ever done so.

“I was rushing,” he explains. 

You nod and head to him, hating how your hands slightly shake at feeling so close to him again. You can feel his breath as you watch the rise and fall of his chest. He probably feels as anxious as you, perhaps no longer used to this routine after you stopped it days ago. But you manage without sparing him a glance, keeping your distance and your eyes focused on anything else but him from the walk down to the car and throughout the ride to work. 

It’s difficult for you to look at him, not only because you’re ashamed but because you’re afraid of what you’ll see. Maybe his eyes will tell of his acceptance of this new dynamic. Maybe they’ll reflect anger and frustration at how you’ve disrupted his routine. Or maybe they’ll show sadness - which is what you’re most terrified of - because that’s your weakness. Any time he looks like he needs comfort or he needs you, you know you’d give in, you know you’d want to be there even if you’ve spent the past week staying as far away as possible. 

You know you don’t have much time left here. The Arts Center opens over a month from now and you’ve decided to tender your resignation soon after. You know you should be savoring whatever moments you have with him and perhaps that’s what saddens you the most because you don’t know what will come after. 

Your happiness isn’t here, and staying to find out if it’s with him isn’t worth it, not when there’s baggage you carry; not when your own past and insecurities weigh you down.

Arriving in the office, you rush to your desk then walk to his room to give him the notes he needs for the meeting. You turn towards him slowly when he calls you, your name in his voice suddenly sounding foreign.

“Can you prepare me lemon ginger tea? Please?” 

His voice is soft, as if he feels burdensome for making such a request. You want to give in so badly and ask how he’s feeling. But you stop yourself. It’s not the place nor time.

You accompany his tea with pastries, your own request for him to have breakfast, and you get your own, in response to him instructing you to do so. You see from your periphery that he’s trying to catch your attention as the meeting starts, but with this, you hold back. You don’t want to see what you now know would be sadness in his eyes.

Jungkook has entered the deepest nook of your heart, you realize. You don’t know how you let him get there, and you don’t know how to push him out. 

“Another night of drinking, huh?” Hoseok’s unusually somber voice disrupts Jungkook’s thoughts as he zones out during lunch. “The Arts Center getting you that stressed and anxious?”

Jungkook looks at his cousin questioningly.

“I know how you look when you’re tired and this isn’t it,” Hoseok responds. “You’re hungover.”

“I’m fine,” Jungkook huffs, not wanting to get into this with a man who would know when he’s lying.

“You should be, Kook. There’s a lot going on these next few weeks and we need you at your best. Your team has worked so hard for the Arts Center,” Hoseok reminds him. “So trust them. And don’t let them down.”

As always, his words hit Jungkook where they should. Whatever’s going on in his personal life - even if it involves you, his assistant - he has to be professional first, and that means making sure that everything is ready for the launch in six weeks. There’s a lot he has to meet and prepare for, and he doesn’t know how you’re able to do it. You may be distancing yourself from him but you’re still able to focus and carry out your tasks accordingly. You’ll be fine without him, he thinks. But if you’ll go on thinking that he doesn’t feel the same way about you, he knows he’ll regret it. He knows he’ll regret it even more if he doesn’t ask you to stay. 

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Jungkook assures his cousin. “I’ve been out of it but I’ll get my shit together.”

“Good. I don’t have to remind you that there’s a lot riding on this. But ___ is there to help. I’m here, too. You’ve got people who believe in you, okay?” Hoseok smiles, a slice of comfort that Jungkook didn’t know he needed. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Jungkook nods and heads back to his office after a full morning has passed, tricking himself into thinking that things will indeed be okay. He just needs to find the courage to face you, finally talk to you, ask you about that night, and tell you what he feels.

But even getting you alone proves to be difficult, as you have your own lunch plans that he didn’t want to interfere with, and your own deadlines that he set that he knows you’ll make sure to meet.

Jungkook gets caught up in the afternoon in another meeting with some of the Board members who came to visit. Biting his lip in frustration, he manages to not lose his mind as he sits through it, merely hoping to the heavens that you haven’t left yet despite the late hour. 

He speed walks down the hallway once he gets to his floor and almost panics when he sees your work space empty. But he spots your unfinished cup of coffee and he knows you won’t leave without cleaning up. He briefly sighs in relief when he hears shuffling from inside his room, walking closer to find you standing by his desk, with your back facing the door. You place a folder on his tray for signatures and a bound manual for review, then turn around and jerk in surprise when you see him standing there.

“I didn’t know your meeting had ended, sir,” you say, the formality grating his ears. All he wants is to hear you speak to him casually again, for you to call him by his name once more.

“It just did,” he hums. “I didn’t know if you were still here. I wanted to see you before you could leave.”

His words catch you off-guard but you try to look unaffected. 

“Is there anything else you need me to do, sir?” You ask, knowing that he’s past giving you work at this hour on a Friday, but you’re too nervous to think of what else he needs you for.

“No. I…” he stutters. “You, uh, you’ve been avoiding me,” he manages to say, his eyes pleading for you to look at him. 

But still, you don’t.

“I’m with you everyday, Mr. Jeon,” you insist, your tone cold. “I can’t possibly be avoiding you.”

“You haven’t looked at me all week.”

As if in reflex, you glance at him, then shift your eyes on the couch to your left.

“That doesn’t count,” he says, his voice oozing in desperation for you to just spare him some time, something you’ve never heard before.

So you give in, as you slowly meet his eyes, and you’re reminded why you didn’t want to do it in the first place. They’re so sullen. Tired, it seems, but just lacking in light. They were always so expressive, even when they’re angry, and even more when they’re sad. 

“I just…” you start, knowing that with all that’s happened and with all the stress and pressure he has to endure, you can’t be another one in his list to have to try to figure out. You at least owe it to him to be honest.

You look at the door, suddenly conscious of who might wander in your area, and Jungkook takes your cue, closing it once you nod. 

“So, why have you been avoiding me?” He asks again, his voice gaining a bit of life now that you’ve given him a chance to talk.

“I was just ashamed,” you admit, looking away as the scene from last week plays in your mind again. “I said things I shouldn’t have and they made you uncomfortable and—”

“How do you know that?” He interjects.

“Because you pulled away!” You say too loudly, lowering your head in embarrassment at the clear frustration you’re expressing. “I thought you wanted to… uh…”

“Kiss you,” he finishes, earning him the slightest of nods from you. 

“But you didn’t and I just felt so embarrassed,” you say, your lips quivering now at how much you’re saying, at how much you’re baring yourself to him, unsure if he’ll do the same. “That was completely out of line.”

“You weren’t wrong though,” he almost whispers as he slowly walks towards you. “About what I wanted to do. You seemed to want that, too, but we were out there and I… I was scared that if I’d done anything you weren’t ready for, then I’d push you away. I still did anyway. Because you’ve spent the entire week avoiding me, talking to me formally, not fixing my tie…”

You stop the giggle that you almost let out, but you can’t help your tiny smile as he whines about what you’ve been purposely doing. 

“I just didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to face you after that,” you explain, knowing there’s so much more to say but that you’ll start with this. “But you avoided me, too,” you suddenly pout. 

“What did you expect me to do?” He exclaims. “You did it first! You know I’m not good with these things.”

“Neither am I.”

Jungkook controls himself from kissing the frown off your face and instead, he walks closer. He gets to appreciate you now as he shamelessly eyes your form, the pastel-colored long sleeved blouse tucked inside your white skirt making his heart race. 

He spots your shy smile as you try to turn away, and he steps closer, wanting to see more. 

“You still aren’t gonna look at me?” He asks, the soft desperation in his voice prompting you to be bold again.

“I can’t. I might lose my mind,” you admit, groaning right after at your own honesty. 

“I’d quite like that,” he hums. “I… I was actually losing my mind all week. It didn’t feel right to have you feel so far away. I wanted to fix things but I didn’t know how.”

“That makes both of us,” you sigh, allowing yourself to finally gaze at him in his black suit, the classic look taking your breath away every time. “But I guess it’s the same with me. I didn’t know how badly I wanted you close until you weren’t anymore.”

You hesitatingly reach out your hand, an attempt to let him know that close is what you want him to be, but also to see for yourself if this is real, if he really is just breaths away from you, and if he could be even closer.

“I’m not pulling away this time,” he assures you, his boyish smile sending your mind in a frenzy.

Your fingers graze his chest, the way it quickly rises and falls telling you that his heart is probably racing as fast as yours. You fiddle with the neck of his tie before pulling it to bring him closer. He follows your lead, stepping forward and meeting your eyes, seeming like he doesn’t want his off of you. 

“So uh, are you losing your mind now?” He whispers teasingly. 

The way he utters the words with such yearning is a contrast to the shy look on his face. It’s a side of him you’re not ready for, but it’s one you’re thoroughly enjoying. It’s also pushing you to be even more shameless, as you nod and take his hand this time, placing it on your waist so you could feel his touch again. He’s gentle, trailing his fingers up and down your sides. 

“I am,” you manage to say, and you wish he could tell by the way you’re panting that his effect on you is way beyond your control now, and that it’s something you want to embrace. You mirror his smile, soft and warm yet full of desire.

He makes his move, placing his hand on your cheek as he eliminates whatever distance is left. And he stands there, just one breath away. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve been thinking about that night, wishing I’d done things differently,” he heaves, his eyes flitting to your lips constantly, “wishing I had been brave enough to do what I’ve been wanting to do for so long.”

You lick your lips in tandem with his, and once you feel him thumb your cheek, it’s all over for you. With a whisper of his name, you hold your breath, and the next thing you feel is his mouth on yours. 

He kisses you deeply, expressing just how much he’s been wanting to do this. You smile as you return his desire, suddenly feeling like you’re floating, as if he’s some dream that you’re able to reach, like he’s that beautiful thing that’s tangible, that you can touch, that you can taste.

You moan once his tongue gains entrance, entangling with yours and dominating you immediately until he’s all you can breathe in. He cups your face, directing it where he wants, while his one hand trails down your back to knead your ass, as if to keep himself steady as he loses himself in you. Your breathing quickens even more as the pleasure rises, and with your fingers palming his chest and gripping his collar, he pushes you against his table. 

He cages you and keeps you in place while he devours your lips, and you feel him all over you just as you wanted. You’re hypnotized by his scent, by his warm breath, and by the large hands that now grip your waist and lift you to sit on the edge of his desk. 

Your mind is hazy, high on the drug that is his kiss, lust-filled and passionate and relentless. You yearn for him even more the longer you taste him, feel him, and there’s no part of you that wants this to end. Your moans push him to kiss you harder, leaving you a whimpering mess and with a mind that's truly unable to think a single thought outside of this trance-like feeling. His arms now wrap around you, and his hands, seemingly desperate to touch every part of you that he can, trail up and down your back, as if to caress you, as if to say that he won’t stop, that he won’t let you go.

Finally needing air, he removes his lips from yours only to travel to the most sensitive parts of you - on the shell of your ear that his tongue grazes repeatedly, and on your neck that he licks and sucks vigorously. You feel the chills all over your body, and you grind against him to try to satiate that growing need of yours, as you start to feel the dampness in your underwear. His hardening length makes you want everything he can give you, rules and boundaries be damned. 

This isn’t like you but you’ve never felt this much pleasure and desire in all your life. Nothing could’ve prepared you for the ecstasy that kissing and feeling him would give. You feel his desperation and desire for you, as he grunts and moans your name, aching to feel more, to do more. You want to live in this moment, and then live it everyday, just take him in and take everything and give him everything. 

But you should’ve known that some things are too good to be true. And much as you hope and imagine for things to turn out a certain way in belief that you deserve good things in this world, they don’t. Those don’t happen to people like you. There’s always something underneath it all, as the fantasy shatters like a glass ceiling breaking at his words.

“Stay, ___. Don’t leave,” he hums against you, the tip of his nose gliding against your neck as he takes in your scent. “Please don’t resign. I can’t… I—”

You feel frozen as you process what he’s said. “Wha-what?” You manage to ask, your mind slowly waking up now. 

His lips take a pause at devouring your skin and he faces you, his chest heaving and his eyes glassy and pleading as he repeats his words.

“Don’t leave, ___. Don’t resign. Stay with me. I need you next to me.” 

“Where is this coming from?” You demand, your heart racing now for a different reason, your anxiety building at how he could’ve known of your plans. You pull away to get a better look at him, with guilt now painting his eyes.

“I… I overheard you and Mr. Ri talking last night,” he admits shamefully. “I didn’t mean to. I was going to just walk away but you talked about leaving and what you feel about me and I just… I froze. I don’t want you to go anywhere, ___. I need you here.”

The silence drags on as you let his words settle, words you thought you wanted to hear. But not like this, you realize. This isn’t how you imagined he’d tell you he wants to be with you. 

He attempts to cup your cheek again but you pull yourself back, the rejection breaking him this time.

“You knew I wanted to kiss you last week,” you start, your voice shaking as the pieces fit together. “You knew yet you pulled away. You let a whole week pass with this distance, with no attempt from you to talk to me about it, or to even tell me what you feel but then you learn last night, after listening to a conversation you had no part in, that I like you. And tonight, you kiss me because suddenly you need me? Because you want me to stay next to you?”

“I—” Jungkook starts, unable to say anything as you put it the way you do. 

He’s wanted you for so long and always had reasons to keep his distance. He tried to gain the courage to talk to you this week, even as you avoided him, but he didn’t. There was just so much fear, so much worry about what he should do, about you asking him to forget about it, about possibly pushing you away even more. He didn’t intend for things to happen this way but for you to think that he’s only doing this in an attempt to keep you from resigning is all kinds of wrong, even if in hindsight, that’s exactly what it looks like. He could’ve said something earlier, he could’ve told you what he felt, and he would’ve been brave enough if he really wanted to. 

“You knew how I felt and you kissed me so I’d stay,” you repeat. “You hate change and me leaving will change everything for you and this… this is how you make sure I don’t.”

Stepping down from the desk, you realize how much you’d lost yourself in him, with your skirt bunched up and your blouse all creased. You fix yourself, suddenly ashamed, and suddenly unsure where you stand. It took so much of you to admit what you felt for him and now it seems that he hadn’t been into you the way that you thought. 

You want him with you, but he wants you here, that’s the difference. 

“I… want you,” Jungkook says, the words suddenly hard for him to say, as he gets choked up at the distance you’re creating. “I guess I always have. I just couldn’t do anything because I had to be professional and there were boundaries I couldn’t cross. But I couldn’t help it. Those don’t matter to me anymore. Only you do.” 

His pleading eyes ask you to believe him, to understand him this time. But your silence and the way you look at him in disappointment tell him it’s not something you’re able to do. 

“I never thought you’d feel the same way,” he continues. “And now I know that you do and that just means we can figure it out, right? Staying means we get to be together everyday. We… we get to have this everyday. Don’t you… don’t you want that?”

This is when you realize that much as you want to believe in his sincerity, it’s hard when he thinks of you as a necessity. You make his life easier. You’re his assistant, after all. And that makes you unsure if he only wants you because he needs you, or if they’re just the same thing to him. 

He didn’t even ask you why you wanted to leave. Maybe that should tell you enough.

“___, please. I just want to be with you.”

It’s also at this moment when you realize just how much you’ve fallen for him. You’d feared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and that means putting another person’s needs ahead of yours again, just like what you’ve done all these years. Staying would mean that you’d be unable to find yourself outside of all this, and you’ve given up too much not to choose your own happiness this time, even if it means saying goodbye to the person who also makes you happy.

Finding what little strength you have in you, you turn to him. “I don’t want to stay, Jungkook,” you say, your heart breaking as you utter the words, even more when you ask him to forget about everything that happened tonight. “We can’t do this. I can’t do this with you. Not like this. I’m so sorry.”

With your smashed heart in your hands, you do the hard thing and walk out the door, leaving in your wake a man whose broken pieces that you’ve put together all shattered once again. 

Walking down the block to get to the bus stop feels like a marathon, as the street feels so long with the heavy burden you’re carrying weighing you down too much. But you manage to get there, only to decide that you’d much rather spend the ride home on your own. You turn to a street to hail a cab then realize once you get in one that it was the spot where Jungkook had seen you, drenched under the rain with a sprained ankle. 

He healed parts of you that night, with his quiet assurance that you didn’t have to go through your struggles on your own. You’d hold on to that thought months later, though you’re unsure about now - much as things hurt at this moment, all you want is to be alone.

You get off two stops early and mindlessly walk towards the convenience store, thinking that some snacks for dinner would do. You don’t really feel like eating but your body’s needs are greater than your own desire to eat. Walking down the aisles, you decide you’re only good for some cup noodles tonight. You don’t even deserve boiled eggs that you suddenly craved, nor honey chips, and you definitely don’t deserve dessert after what you allowed to happen earlier. 

You stop your movements once you realize you’re sitting on the same spot where you and Jungkook had eaten when he drove you home that night he took you to the park. It had been a terrible evening after that incident with your ex, but Jungkook was the protective one who helped shoulder all the anger that you were too exhausted to feel. He was a reliable and comforting presence, familiar yet new with his warmth. During the occasional moments in the weekend after when your mind would go to that night, you’d think of Jungkook and how he made you feel safe.

It feels too much, so you take your noodles and finish them on the bench outside. You walk home after, letting the crisp evening air envelop you as your mind replays what happened. 

You don’t think you’ve ever wanted to feel someone the way you wanted to feel him, but you suppose that’s why it hurts as much as it does. You wanted him to want you as much as you did, and you were perhaps foolish to think he’d have the same reasons as you. Maybe you were really just stupid for feeling anything in the first place, knowing your place in his world. You’re everything convenient and easy and familiar and despite the week of walking on eggshells around him, you gave in so quickly. He knew what to do when it came to you. 

And maybe that’s on you. You allowed yourself to feel so much for a man whose life is so intertwined with yours that it’s hard to know what’s real. Yet you know that despite all that, your desire for him is still too strong. It’s why you had to leave right away. 

Another moment of him pleading for you to not resign and you might’ve given in again. Another second of hearing him ask you to be with him and you would’ve believed him - that there was sincerity in all that, that he’d be with you regardless if you stayed in the company or not. Now you’re left with the thought that the convenience was what he wanted, that as he crossed the line, it was all or nothing for him. And that you’d be the weak one, willing to give up what else you could be outside of all this just for him. 

Perhaps you’re also asking for too much. He’s used to a life without much consequences to his actions. There’s a lot he doesn’t know, especially what you had to endure and give up to be here and what you want out of life now that you’re old enough to take control of it. Maybe for him, asking you to stay was that declaration and proof of his feelings; doing so took so much out of him already that thinking of what life would be like without being with you everyday was too hard of a reality to accept or work around. 

You’re too out of it that you don’t realize that you’ve been standing outside your door. You’re thankful for the weekend at least. You’ll spend half of it in bed, and the other half preparing yourself for how you’ll face him again, and how you’ll finally say goodbye. 

You enter and sigh at the warmth inside. Dropping your bag on the floor, you stand by your tiny dining table and take a bite off the apple you find in your fridge. You gaze at your shelf, the one filled with photos of your family and friends and a few more of different sceneries that you took using the disposable camera that Jungkook had gifted you for your birthday. It’s another reminder of how much a part of your life he’s become, how, of all the people in the world, he’d been the one to show you that capturing moments is a gift you shouldn’t take for granted. 

You often wondered what moments he liked to capture. He doesn’t have photos in his penthouse other than those of structures and buildings that are artistically taken. There are framed old blueprints and historical pieces but nothing of him and the people in his life. 

Maybe he doesn’t have good enough memories he wants to keep. For a short moment, you wished that the times he shared with you are ones he’d like to hold onto. But maybe the idea would hurt more - you’ll just be a memory like he would be to you. 

You always wanted to keep only good ones of him, but the sight of him rooted in his spot and in shock as you turned him down is far from something you want to remember. He’s something you didn’t know you wanted, but he stands between you and the life you’ve always wished for yourself - one where you get to decide, to be free, to be happy. 

He’ll let you go and forget all this, you think to yourself. You’ll be the one who walked away. And he’ll be the one who didn’t run after you.

Jungkook is stunned as he watches your retreating form. The sounds of your heels against the marble floor disappear as he remains unmoving from his spot in his room where he’d kissed you just moments earlier. You felt and tasted just like he imagined, and the moment his lips touched yours, he knew he’d want to keep kissing you over and over again. 

It was the first time in a long time that he allowed himself to be honest about how he felt, giddy emotions included. It felt freeing to be able to admit all of that to you after all these months of denying it and walking around eggshells when it came to you. He’d been sure, after last night, that you felt the same way, even more when he felt how your body reacted and how your heart raced, aching for him as much as his heart was yearning for you. 

You sounded hypnotizing, too. The way you’d moaned his name ignited something in him that none of the women he’d slept with had ever done before, and he knows it’s because he’d never felt anything genuine for them. They were good for the moment but he knew, especially the instance that he felt you close, that he wanted you for more than that. He wanted the soft touches and the gentle whispers, the longing looks and the intertwined hands. He wanted more than he thought he would, but during his most vulnerable state, he uttered the words he’d been dying to say since last night when he learned of your plans.

He asked you to stay. He told you he needs you, that he wants to be with you.

They sounded like pleas and maybe that’s what they were. From the deepest and coldest nooks of his heart, he was pleading for you to not leave. He’d finally admitted what he’d been so scared to accept, but all his words did were hurt you. 

You insisted that all he cared about was the convenience of being together everyday, that you staying meant he’d get to keep all that was familiar. And he doesn’t know what would be taken away from you if you did. 

You wanted him, too, didn’t you? Wasn’t that enough? And wasn’t being with him all that mattered? 

Sure, there’d be complications, but those are things he knows you’d both be able to face, they’re things you can navigate around and figure out together because this isn't just a one-time, spur-of-the-moment type of thing. He wants all of you, everything with you, whatever it takes. 

He hadn’t realized it until that second he held you in his arms. And then again when you pulled away, looked at him with glassy eyes, and told him you couldn’t stay. 

He’d been too hurt to run after you. He didn’t know what to say then. How would he, when you’re the one who couldn’t commit to what you felt by staying around? He felt that betrayal, of that feeling of inadequacy, of his feelings for you not being enough. He bared his emotions to you after being so scared of doing so, and then you crushed his heart just like that, with his broken pieces that you’d just put together, scattered on the floor. 

This isn’t like him. It’s been a long time since he’s allowed himself to feel so much for another person, to care for them, to want them in a way that scares him. But you showed him a life where it was possible to open himself up again, to find out what happiness could feel like this time, and in that same breath, you took it all away.

He’s not sure where to go from here. But he decides he’ll think about that tomorrow. Tonight, he just wants to forget. Tonight, he just wants to wallow in his sadness, erase the memory of your touch and the feel of your mouth against his, and let it all go. 

Jungkook instructs Mr. Ri to go home. He’ll drive himself, he insists. There’s just no one right now he wants to be around. 

He drinks a glass of whiskey for the road and manages to get home in one piece. He settles on the couch as he finishes another half bottle, then chugs down a few cans of beer after. The image of you gets blurry. His mouth numbs and he starts forgetting your taste on his lips, too. 

His head falls on the pillow and his hand mindlessly reaches out. There’s no heartbeat that he feels; he’s forgotten how fast yours was already. The sound of your laughter and then of your moans is replaced with a buzzing in his ear as his mind starts to fall away. 

The warmth of your body is gone but somehow he feels hot, so hot but he can’t get his clothes off. He struggles a little, his fingers aren’t doing their job so he gives up instead, curls into the corner of the couch, and for the briefest moment, he sees your smile so clearly. And then his mind drifts away completely, taking his confusion and yearning for you along with it. 

At least for now, there’s not much of you he remembers. But somewhere deep inside, he knows that’ll all change when he wakes up in the morning and searches for you, knowing you won’t be around to tell him that everything is gonna be okay.

Hoseok massages his temple as his sixth call to his cousin in the last half hour remains unanswered. 

“He’s still not picking up,” he groans, the unusual feeling of annoyance bubbling inside him at Jungkook’s irresponsibility.

It’s Saturday morning and some friends of their family flew from Europe last night for lunch at the Jeons’ estate. This gathering was scheduled in time for their grandfather’s death anniversary today, and it’s an event that Mr. Jeon was adamant that Jungkook and Hoseok attend as their respective families’ representatives and as heirs of the company. Those friends had been there when their grandfather built Jeon Corporation from the ground up, and welcoming them is a sign of respect for that friendship and for the memory of the man they’re celebrating today. 

Jungkook had informed Mr. Ri that he’ll be driving himself to the estate and promised to be there before 11 AM, as what his father had requested. It’s half past that and he’s still nowhere to be found. He hasn’t been picking up his phone and his friends claim they don’t know where he is. Knowing how important today is, Hoseok wanted to accompany Mr. Ri in going to the younger man’s apartment to pick him up and find out why he’s late. When the elder Jeon asks, which he will, Hoseok would at least have a reason to give. It just better be a good one.

They both arrive at the building and are informed that Jungkook’s cars are still in their respective slots. He’s not in any of the amenities and the guards report that they haven’t seen him since he arrived on his own last night. He may not be a fan of these types of events but Jungkook always shows up. He knows what today means for their family; if not for his father, then at least for his grandfather, a man he respected and looked up to. If, for some reason, he failed to wake up, then he must be in a bad condition, and Hoseok either has to scold his cousin, or cover for him.

With no one answering the door, Mr. Ri uses his access and enters. It’s dark and quiet inside, with the blinds all closed. When he and Hoseok find Jungkook passed out on the couch with an empty whiskey bottle and beer cans on the floor, it’s the same moment that Mr. Ri’s phone rings, and it’s your name that lights up the screen.

“Hi, Mr. Ri,” you groggily say. “I’m sorry I missed your calls. I had a late night and just woke up. Is everything okay?”

“I’m not sure,” he sighs, as he watches Hoseok pull Jungkook from his cowering form in an attempt to get him to wake up.

“What do you mean?” You ask, standing from your bed now, suddenly awake. 

“I was calling to ask if you knew where Jungkook was. Their family gathering is today and he was supposed to be at his parents’ house 30 minutes ago but he wasn’t. He wasn’t picking up our calls either.”

“Oh, I… I don’t know where he is,” you say softly, the mention of his name reminding you of what transpired last night, the image of Jungkook’s dejected look appearing in your mind. You worry about him though, wondering what time he got home. “Have you found him? Is he okay?” 

“Hoseok and I are at his apartment and he’s passed out drunk,” Mr. Ri states, as Jungkook finally opens his eyes and mumbles some words that the older man has to walk closer to hear. “What happened last night, ___? Why is he calling your name? And why is he asking for you to come back?”

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that Jungkook had spent last night drinking his feelings away. You know enough from your time with him that it’s what he does when he’s stressed or mad or frustrated, and then he wakes up the next morning and hits the gym to deal with his hangover. There’s none of that today, apparently, and you stop yourself from instructing Mr. Ri to prepare him some lemon ginger tea. 

“What happened last night, ___?” He repeats. “Did you fight?”

“We…” you start, knowing that if there’s anyone who has to know about last night, it’s the man on the other end of the phone. “We, uh… we kissed. And then he asked me not to resign then I pulled away.”

Walking towards the kitchen to hand Hoseok a glass of water, Mr. Ri asks if you’d told Jungkook of your plans, stating that he hadn’t told him about it.

“He overheard us talking last Thursday,” you respond. “He knew what I felt about him, kissed me, then asked me to stay. He said he didn’t want me to go, that he wanted to be with me, and that we could be together everyday. It didn’t feel right,” you continue, your voice shaking now as you recall the conversation. “It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. We were supposed to talk about it. He wasn’t supposed to use my feelings against me like that.”

“Did you tell him why you’re planning on leaving?”

“No… He just went on about needing me to be with him and I… I couldn’t bear it,” you say, feeling the tears dance around your eyes. “You told me that I could always leave but even then, I’d always have a reason to stay but it would be their reason, not mine. I finally built the courage to decide on this because you know I need this. I don’t want him to be my reason this time. Or else I’ll never be able to let all of it go.”

“I know,” Mr. Ri sighs, knowing more than anyone what you mean. 

He’ll never be brave like you, but he understands that burden, that desire to just be free; he knows what it’s like to be held back even if it’s your own decision. Because at the end of the day, you’ll always think you have a debt to be paid. He knows he does, but he’ll always believe that you don’t. Surviving was always enough.

“But I think he has to know, ___,” he continues. “He wouldn’t let himself go through this kind of suffering if you don’t mean that much to him. You have to tell him the truth. And I mean everything. You owe it to yourself, too. I know he means a lot to you but you can’t move forward in any way, with or without him, if you’ll just keep him in the dark.”

You let Mr. Ri’s words settle. You told yourself the moment you entered the company that you won’t let your past define you, including your relationship with this family. You’ll work hard and everyone else will know you for that, and not for any other reason. You also knew that you’d spend every second of being here trying to prove to yourself that you’re capable, despite the irony that you were the one defining your time here based on your past that you just somehow couldn’t run away from. 

You weren’t supposed to feel anything for Jungkook. You could’ve gone on with your plan of resigning without feeling bad that you were leaving him behind. And even in that alternative reality where he’d ask you to stay, it would’ve been easy to say no. What makes this difficult is that you started to care. You got scared that if he asked you, you would stay. And now that he did, you have to be stronger than your desire to be with him.

Leaving would be hard, but staying would be much harder. 

You wish it was easy to make him understand. But you suppose without him knowing the truth, he wouldn’t be able to. 

So you give Mr. Ri permission. 

“I don’t know how to tell him,” you say. “You would. Make him understand. Maybe he’ll let me go. Maybe he’ll still come after me. And maybe he’ll forgive me, too.”

Mr. Ri hums and drops the call. He returns to the living room where Jungkook is now seated upright on the couch, downing his second glass of water and taking medicine to deal with the hangover. The blinds are now up, causing him to squint his eyes. At least he looks alive now. 

“That was ___,” Mr. Ri says. “She was wondering how you were.”

“Did you tell her I look terrible?”Jungkook asks bitterly.

“I did. She also told me what happened.”

“What… happened?” Hoseok wonders. “Did you have a big fight?”

Knowing he has no way out of this, Jungkook tells the truth. “We, uh, we kissed,” he answers, earning him a gasp from his cousin, who clarifies that while he’s not that surprised, he’s curious as to why both of you aren’t together right now.

“___ plans on resigning. He asked her not to,” Mr. Ri answers. “But you… you have to let her go, Jungkook. She needs to learn who she is and what she can do without anything holding her back.”

“If that’s her reason, then she has to know that she can keep learning who she is and what she can do here, with me,” Jungkook insists, slowly gaining clarity, as all the words he couldn’t say last night suddenly come out so easily. “There’s so much she can do. If what we feel for each other is the issue and that means she can’t directly work for me, then there are other departments where she’d fit well in. This isn’t just about convenience for me. I want to see her everyday but having her around means I get to make sure she’s taken care of, that she’s treated well.”

“And then what? She’ll feel indebted to you because of that?” Mr. Ri counters. “This is more than just developing her skills or building her career, Jungkook. This is about being someone outside of this company. It’s about doing something without feeling like she constantly has to prove that she deserves what she has.”

“And she does. Who does she have to prove anything to? We’re beyond that. Everyone knows she’s capable.”

“She has to prove it to herself. It may be hard for you to understand but she… she won’t get to accept all that she is until she’s ridden herself of the burden she carries. For as long as she works for your family, she’ll always feel it.”

The words feel a little too personal, Jungkook thinks, as Mr. Ri talks about your insecurities as if he’d seen you live them, and perhaps he has. The older man witnessed those first few turbulent weeks, and having known you since you started working here through the CEO, perhaps Mr. Ri had seen how your spirit broke a little because of Jungkook.

But still, something about the way Mr. Ri looks sullenly at him says that there’s more to what the older man had seen, as if he himself is pleading for Jungkook to let you go this way, as if the care runs deep and the words carry so much more emotion.

“She needs this, Jungkook,” Mr. Ri continues. “She’s planned on leaving a few times before but her gratitude towards your family always pulled her back. If you really care about her, you won’t let that happen this time. If you want to be with her, you’ll have to do it without her being here. Regardless of what she feels for you, she needs this more. You can let her go without really letting her go, you have to know that.”

It all feels too much and Jungkook’s mind is filled with so many questions. What do you owe his family? How does proving yourself have anything to do with leaving the company? How does he fit into all this? What do you need time away for? And how can he be with you at the end of it? Would you still want that, given that he didn’t even ask you why?

“How are you sure that’s what she needs?” Jungkook asks, curiosity getting the best of him.  

“I’ve known her for 20 years, Jungkook,” Mr. Ri sighs. “I know it’s what she believes.”

Jungkook may still be dealing with a hangover, but he knows his ears didn’t betray him. Twenty years, that’s how long you’ve known the man he trusts with his life, the man his father trusts with his family’s life. 

The tale is an open secret. Ri Byung-hun was a kid who grew up in the streets. He tried to steal from Jungkook’s grandfather, whose construction business then was slowly taking off. The elder man took pity on the young teen and sent him to school, and Byung-hun showed his gratitude by working for the family, eventually becoming Jungkook’s father’s chauffeur, bodyguard, and closest confidant all in one. The loyalty goes both ways, and it’s stood the test of time. 

Jungkook doesn’t know all the details but he knows enough. What he doesn’t know is who you are in Mr. Ri’s life, and why Jungkook hadn’t heard of you before. 

“How do you know ___?” Jungkook finally manages to ask. “Who is she to you?”

“I know ___ because of her mother. And over 20 years ago, Cho Hye-soo was your father’s assistant.”

“She— what?” 

Jungkook can’t hide his shock, and neither can Hoseok, who looks just as surprised about the truth as he is. His cousin would’ve been in his early teens at that time, and as it was when it came to their family’s children, training to become company heirs starts early, but they don’t get immersed until during their late teenage years. 

“I… I know Mrs. Cho,” Hoseok says. “I’ve met her several times but I… I never knew. They never said anything.”

“It wasn’t something they wanted people to know,” Mr. Ri explains. “Other than both of your parents, I’m the only other person who does. Too much time has passed for people to make the connection. It was just better that no one knew.” 

“What else did they not want people to know?” Jungkook asks. “What did ___ and her mom do? What… what do they owe our family?”

The elder man knew that at some point, Jungkook was going to have to learn the truth. He just didn’t think it would have to be under these conditions, and that he’d be the one telling the young man about how your lives are intertwined, that whatever pain you both carried growing up, those would always lead you back to each other. 

“Your father and Hye-soo were no different to how you and ___ are,” Mr. Ri starts. “He’d just been appointed President and he was under a lot of pressure - from your grandfather, the Board, the rest of your family… He was always stressed and it didn’t help that he was a perfectionist, just like you. That obviously affected your family, but it also affected those who worked for him, especially Hye-soo, who felt that she had a lot to prove.”

She didn’t have a Seoul education but she was smart and resourceful, incredibly hardworking and devoted, something you inherited from her, the elder man shares. The similarities are striking, and Jungkook braces himself, hoping that they end there. 

“She always had to work overtime, including weekends, and that took a lot of time away from being with ___. Hye-soo would leave her daughter in the library where her friend worked, and that seemed to be enough. But of course, it wasn’t easy, especially with a partner who lost his job and started drinking to cope.”

As Mr. Ri continues, Jungkook starts to fear something else, and so he asks. 

“Did… did he hurt them?”

“He yelled a lot,” Mr. Ri answers. “I’d hear it sometimes during breaks when she’s on the phone with him and it crushed me every time. Hye-soo wouldn’t say much, just that he was a good guy who just didn’t know how to deal with hardships. She never justified his actions until of course, that piece of shit started hitting her.”

Jungkook’s heart breaks at the words, unable to imagine growing up in a household like that - feeling afraid, unsafe, and unfree. 

“Hye-soo assured me that Kang-ho never hurt ___. She was good at that, at protecting her child. One time, she was called to work on a Saturday and that didn’t go well with him, but she… she always puts her daughter first, and that meant work would always be her priority because it’s what pays the bills and what sends her to school,” Mr. Ri narrates, his eyes growing more dejected by the second as he recalls those times. 

“She was rushing and couldn’t properly conceal the bruise on her face. She was worried that’s why she took ___ with her. Hye-soo kept crying as your father asked her what happened. She apologized for being late and for bringing her daughter to work, and she asked to stay in the office for the night until she figured out where they could go. I had never seen her break down like that,” he says, his voice shaking now. “And I won’t forget how scared ___ looked. She was just 10 years old then, clinging to her mother and not wanting to let her go. We were all strangers to her but somehow, she knew that we were there to protect them.”

The silence goes on, as both men take in Mr. Ri’s words, but it’s Hoseok who asks what happened after, and eventually, what got you here. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Jeon didn’t hesitate to help,” the older man shares. “They had Hye-soo and ___ stay at the staff house in their estate for a few nights until they got a new place to stay. I helped them get their stuff after Kang-ho figured out what was happening and ran.  The police had a warrant for his arrest but they couldn’t find him for days.” 

Turning to Jungkook, he adds, “your parents paid for all the legal and medical fees. Because Kang-ho knew they were helping, you all had to go away until he was found. Hye-soo and ___ went to Busan where he couldn’t trace them; your parents stayed in one of their houses in Gwangju while you and your brother were in Gwacheon.” Mr. Ri sighs at the memory as he recalls those days. “The reason why you were in that cabin was so they could protect you. I know you held a grudge against them for years because you thought they just left you there but they couldn’t stay with you, Jungkook. You were all in danger and they had to keep you and Jeong-sik safe.”

Jungkook looks back at that night when everything changed for him. Things already weren’t going well with his brother; the three-year gap and the way they were always compared kept them from getting along. His parents knew that, yet they still left him with Jeong-sik, who abandoned him in the woods when they played hide-and-seek. That’s where Jungkook was left alone, lost and scared under the rain, the thunder roaring as he yelled for someone to come. He’s always lived with that fear, always carried that memory of anger and blame within him that transformed into a habit of just pushing people away, of keeping them out because that was better to accept than the knowledge that people he trusted left him on his own. 

But there’s a reason, he learns now, one that his parents kept from him to protect you and your mother, too. It’s all too much, but he thinks now that maybe there’s a reason why you were so patient with him, why you didn’t judge him that night at the guest house, why you somehow understood what he was so scared of. He doesn’t know if you know that the night at the cabin had anything to do with what you and your mother went through, but regardless, maybe that’s why he always felt so strongly about you. The connection he was yearning for was always there, it’s tied to something, and he realizes it’s tied to your shared past.

“Did the police find the man?” Jungkook asks now, his headache somehow worsening from all the things he’s learning. But he just wants to know that you weren’t even more hurt, that there was a way that his parents kept you safe. 

“I did,” Mr. Ri responds. “I still had contact with people in the streets, and I left Gwacheon once I got a call that they knew where he was staying. I hunted him down and I handed him over… with a bloodied face and a few broken bones. They charged him for domestic violence and a few other crimes, including drug possession that would keep him in prison for years, long enough for Hye-soo and ___ to recover.”

“And what about you? Were you charged?” Jungkook wonders.

“No, I claimed self-defense and I—”

“But it wasn’t, was it?” Jungkook counters, knowing there’s more to what Mr. Ri is saying. 

“It wasn’t,” the old man admits, turning away as he says the words. “I could’ve done more but I… I couldn’t lose myself to the anger even if it was all I felt. I knew Hye-soo wouldn’t have forgiven me if I did.”

“You loved her, didn’t you?” Jungkook says, dawning on him now that everything Mr. Ri had done was so he could protect your mother and you. He realizes that all the times that the elder man looked out for you was because he was looking out for someone he truly cared about, someone who mattered the most to the person who mattered the most to him.

“I did,” Mr. Ri sighs. “I still do.”

Jungkook recalls the night during the team building and the elder man’s words, about the woman he’d loved for so long, and that moving on from her meant expending all that love to those he cares about, and now Jungkook knows that he was referring to you. 

“Did she know? And did she love you back?”

“She… she asked me to move to Busan with her and ___,” Mr. Ri answers, his eyes faraway as memories of that conversation come rushing back, how he’d wanted to just run away and build a life he never thought he could have with the woman he’d fallen so hard for, but how he had to make the hardest decision then, knowing it was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. 

“Why didn’t you?” Jungkook wonders. 

“I owe everything I have to your family, Jungkook,” Mr. Ri explains. “They gave me a second chance. Your grandfather got me off the streets, your father taught me everything I know, they… they had my records cleaned. They did it when I was a kid and they did it again when I was an adult. The only way I could ever pay them back was through my loyalty. I couldn’t leave, not after everything they’ve done for me.”

“But you loved her. She was your second chance,” Jungkook argues.

“And that love caused me to commit a crime I shouldn’t have. I was going to pay for it one way or another,” Mr. Ri responds. “That’s how I chose to do it, by letting her go, knowing that I’d be able to look after her and ___ better that way. Your father would protect me, and I would protect them. That’s… that’s how things go.”

It’s a tragic love story, Jungkook thinks. Two people who feel so much having to let each other go, their own pasts pushing them towards opposite directions. Decisions were made and that pulled them apart. He supposes that reciprocated feelings aren’t always enough.

“What happened after that?” Hoseok asks now, wanting to know as well how you and your mother managed, and if there’s any more danger that you face.

“They stayed in Busan for a few years. They only returned to Daegu after they learned that Kang-ho died in prison after acquiring some respiratory disease,” Mr. Ri replies. “Mr. and Mrs. Jeon helped with the move, too. They had me check on Hye-soo and ___ almost every month, just to make sure they were doing well. It was hard, of course. Hye-soo wasn’t earning the same as she was so she took another job just to keep ___ in a good school. Mr. Jeon knew that, so he kept offering to pay for her education but Hye-soo always turned him down. That continued until she got to college, and knowing that her mom won’t accept help again, ___ was the one who decided to take the offer. They paid for her tuition, and she eventually got an internship in the company. She took the job offer, too, and she’s just been working hard ever since, thinking that she has everything to prove.”

“Why does my father think he can buy people’s loyalty just like that?” Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. “It traps people… it gives them no option.”

“I know it may seem that way but your father knows how important loyalty is, and it’s something that he gives, too. He trusts me just as much I trust him,” Mr. Ri defends. “But when it comes to Hye-soo and ___, it isn’t about loyalty but guilt. He blames himself for what happened to them. Even if it was all Kang-ho’s fault, your father always believed that if he hadn’t been so demanding, things wouldn’t have escalated. It was all the overtime, all the unfair requests that took Hye-soo’s time from her partner, from her daughter. He carries that guilt with him and how he treated her. In a way, I think that was his wake-up call. Work stopped consuming him after. He became considerate of his staff, asking about their families and how they’re doing. He tried to make it up to you and your brother but that seemed to be the hardest thing for him; he didn’t know how to get your trust back.”

“But wasnt ___ choosing to work here about loyalty? She stayed every time he asked her to. She wouldn’t have if she felt indebted to our family,” Jungkook remarks, not wanting to delve into his own relationship with his father. 

“She wanted to repay them just so her mom would stop carrying that burden,” Mr. Ri says. “They were able to get away and build a new life where they were safe because of your parents and for ___, that always meant everything. She planned to work for them, but even a part of her felt that all the opportunities she was given was out of kindness. She always felt she didn’t deserve it but your parents also think they can’t ever make it up to her and her mother enough.”

At the silence, he continues. “People are complicated that way, I guess. We all have our own burdens to carry, our own past to deal with, our own actions to make peace with and accept. We make decisions based on what we think is best and just hope we don’t regret them in the future. But we also make them as a way to take control of our own lives. Even if I regret letting Hye-soo go, I at least did it knowing that I’ll either have another chance at being with her, or that someone else will. And someone did, and I know for a fact that he loves her and ___ with all of him.”

“In that sense, maybe resigning is ___’s way of taking control of her life this time, don’t you think?” Hoseok turns to Jungkook, understanding where you’re coming from now, as he knows the feeling of not having to constantly prove yourself to others. “She finally wants to let that burden go, to live as she wishes without feeling like she doesn’t deserve what she has, even if it means not being next to you the way she wants to. If you make her stay, how do you think she can move on from all this? How can you be sure she’s happy?”

Jungkook takes a deep breath, knowing it’s not enough to process everything he’s learned this morning. There’s that past he didn’t know he shared with you, there’s his relationship with his father that he doesn’t know how to mend, there’s his feelings for you, one that’s still so strong and inescapable. 

And then there’s the thought that you’d known everything all along. You’ve been patient with him, you've been kind and understanding. Was that all because you felt like you had to? Because he’s the son of the people you feel that you owe a lot to?

It’s not that Jungkook doubts your feelings for him, but he wonders if you do. Now that you’re able to make that decision to leave, what if walking away from his family also means you realize that your feelings are tied to that indebtedness, too? How real was it for you? And after you find yourself outside of all this, would you still want him?

The thoughts make his heart break, and this tells him that after knowing everything, he still can’t deny what he feels about you. He still wants you just as much. Maybe the familiarity he always felt was because you are familiar. Maybe the connection was because of a painful past you both share, of a kind of pain you both understand. Maybe the intensity of feelings is a remnant from his childhood, one that’s tied to yours in a serendipitous way. 

He’d like to think that even without knowing, you held out for him. You could’ve chosen to leave anytime before he came but you didn’t, and your paths crossed this way and he convinces himself that you were always meant to meet each other, that you were always meant to make up for how intertwined and unfortunate your lives are. You never met then but this time, when you did, it meant so much more. He could only hope that it’s something you hold onto as well, and that when you decide to finally walk away, it doesn’t mean you walk away from him completely, too. 

“Kook, I know there’s a lot to think about but you have to get going,” Hoseok disrupts his thoughts. “Your father still wants us at that lunch. I know grandfather would, too.”

“You should go ahead, Hoseok,” Mr. Ri says. “Just make an excuse to your uncle and say I’m helping Jungkook fix up. We’ll head there right away.”

“No, tell him that I know,” Jungkook insists. “If… if he’s always wanted to mend our relationship, he and I have to start being honest with each other.”

“I will,” Hoseok says as he stands up to leave. “Get your head together, alright? You’re gonna be fine.”

Jungkook massages his temples, knowing that he doesn’t have time to get a workout in and rid himself of this terrible hangover. But he tries, as he takes a warm shower and asks Mr. Ri to prepare him a cup of lemon ginger tea and get some ginseng jelly for the ride. 

The trip to his parents’ estate starts off quiet, but the thoughts in his head are so loud that the older man asks what else is bothering him. 

“How was her time in Busan?” Jungkook asks.

“It was good. She was a shy kid but she found good people she trusted and that meant everything,” Mr. Ri answers. “I visited them often, even when they returned to Daegu. But I stopped once ___ moved back to Seoul after college. I’d ask her about her mother every now and then. It was nice to hear how well they’re doing, and how happy they are with their new family. Min-woo’s a good man and his daughters love Hye-soo and ___ so much. It turned out well for them. When I think about that, it’s really hard not to justify the decisions I made.”

“Will you make them again? If given the chance?”

“If I still think it’s what’s best then, then I would. Sometimes we make decisions because of the other person, not exactly for ourselves. Sometimes that’s how we realize just how much we love them, you know? When their happiness trumps our own.”

Jungkook merely hums. While he doesn’t think he’s at that point with you, he cares enough to want you to have that chance to find your happiness, in whatever form that may be. And if leaving the company is what it takes, then he knows you deserve that and more. It doesn’t change the fact that he wishes you can search for it while being with him, but perhaps it’s better if you find your way back to him instead. He’ll at least know you chose him, and not because you felt like you owed it to him to stay.

They make it to his parents’ estate over an hour late. The guests have arrived and Jungkook greets them before finding his father. When their eyes meet, there’s a look of sadness in the elder man’s eyes. Perhaps it’s understanding; maybe it’s an apology.

His mother gives him a long and tight hug, one that he savors for the first time in a long while. He remained distant from his parents after he decided to pursue further studies and then work in their office abroad. It’s a relationship he’s still navigating. While his mother has always been present and affectionate, Jungkook is the one who stopped reciprocating. It just seemed easier that way, but he realizes that he’s missed her warmth after taking it for granted all these years. 

The lunch gathering lasts for a few hours. Jungkook tries to pay attention to the conversations since engaging requires too much from him, especially after the morning he’s had. But his father doesn’t reprimand him this time, and for that, he’s thankful. Hoseok keeps him on his toes though, but Jungkook’s mind constantly wanders towards you. He wonders how you got home last night, if you managed to get some rest, and if you’re spending your time being angry at him or if, by any chance, you’re missing him like he’s missing you.

It’s 5 PM by the time the last guest leaves, and with Hoseok and A-yeong needing to attend a dinner party, Jungkook is left to speak with his parents alone. 

“I heard you know the truth now,” his father says as he sits across from Jungkook in the garden. “I’m sorry I kept it from you.”

“Did you intend for me not to know and find out from someone else?” Jungkook asks. 

“___ applied to the company with the intention of contributing in a small way,” his father says. “She made it without any say from me and that’s a testament to her skills and capabilities. When we met after her first day, she asked that she not be treated any differently, and I agreed. I stayed true to my word and I kept my distance, but when I heard about how Mrs. Byun treated her, I knew I couldn’t just stand back. I encouraged her to apply for the EA position, knowing that she would be treated well. And with that, she asked me not to say who she is - not to Hoseok, and especially not to you. That’s not how she wants to be known. And I always respected her request.”

“Does it make any difference, son?” His mother asks. “Does knowing who she is to our family change the way you see her?”

“No, but it makes me wonder how she’d seen me all this time,” Jungkook says. “She put up with me despite how I treated her. She was kind even if I was distant. She… she let me open myself up and that’s… that’s why I like her. That's why I asked her to be with me.”

The surprise on his parents’ faces is immediate, but they stay calm, and it’s what prompts him to continue.

“I just hate to think that she suffered all that time because she still felt like she owed us. If you asked her to stay and help me, she wouldn’t have been able to turn you down. And what if… she’s confused her feelings for me for just… gratitude towards you?”

“Oh, my dear son,” his mother sighs, taking his hand as a form of comfort. “We are so sorry that all this has caused you to doubt her sincerity but if there’s one thing we know about ___ is that she’s genuine, and if you felt cared for by her, then she meant all that.”

“Yes, I did ask her to help you, because I knew that if there was someone who could get through to you, it would be her,” his father says this time.

“So you took advantage of her? Because you knew she’d do what you’d ask,” Jungkook huffs.

“I did that because I knew that she would care, that she would understand. Thinking about it now, perhaps I asked for too much,” the elder man shakes his head. “She’s a lot like her mother, and I’ve come to realize that you’re a lot like me. I needed someone like Hye-soo and somehow I just knew that you needed someone like ___. Both of you opening up and finding comfort in each other just happened, I suppose, and that’s not such a bad thing, is it?”

“I don’t know. Because now, she doubts what I feel and I’m not sure about what she feels, too,” Jungkook admits, letting his own insecurities get the better of him. He hates that he’s started to doubt you as well. 

“If it matters, I’ve seen how she is with you. She cares about you, she worries about you. And the way you respond to her just means that your heart feels her sincerity, too,” his father responds. “Don’t let anger or fear taint that for you.”

“Aren’t you mad about what happened?” Jungkook wonders. “She’s my assistant and I ended up crossing a line. I kissed her. In my office.”

“Perhaps I should be,” his father hums. “But with her planning on resigning, I suppose you’re already feeling a lot of emotions about that. I don’t want to add anymore. You’re an adult and you know that your actions have consequences. You just have to deal with them now. And don’t ever do that again.”

There’s no anger in his father’s words. In fact, there’s comfort that Jungkook has never heard before. It suspends his worries only for a short moment, as he’s reminded that you indeed plan on leaving. When that is, he doesn’t know. But he’s gonna have to start dealing with your loss just as he needs to deal with his feelings for you. It’s all too complicated; getting together despite what you both feel isn’t that simple. Your happiness comes first. He knows he cares so much that it’s what he wants you to focus on. 

“Letting her go now doesn’t mean you have to let her go for good,” his mother tells him. “She’ll choose you if that’s what her heart says. And at least then, you’ll know for sure that she still wants you after everything.”

Jungkook’s parents’ words echo in his mind for the rest of Saturday that he spends in his living room, choosing wine as his companion for the evening. There’s no intention of getting hammered unlike the night before though. The drink calms him down and allows him to have proper sleep this time. He spends the most of his Sunday in bed, thinking about you, then attempting to remove you from his mind. 

Not wanting to deal with any more tension, he instructs Mr. Ri that Monday to just drive you straight to the office. Jungkook arrives and sees you stand up to greet him as he walks through the hallway, and he responds with a nod as his own greeting before heading straight to his room.

There’s that feeling again - of missing you, of hoping he could fix things but not knowing how, of wanting to ask you to stay but knowing he has to let you go, and of wishing that when he does, you’ll find your way back to him again. He shakes off the thoughts during that short walk to his desk, feeling himself weaken with every moment that he spends far away from you.

Jungkook takes his seat and sighs as another day starts without his usual routine. Knowing he has no other choice, he pushes on. From his periphery, he sees you glancing at him through the window, and a part of him wishes it’s your attempt at seeing if you could speak with him, maybe ask if you could talk about what happened later on or about what he now knows about you. Or anything, really. He just wants to hear your voice again. Hopefully see your smile. Despite all his doubts about you, the emptiness he feels tells him that nothing’s changed - what he feels for you is real, and he might not know what’ll happen next, but he at least knows that what he wants is to be with you; he hopes he’ll figure out how to do that with you.

He sees you glance at him again and it sparks a bit of hope. That is, until he spots the envelope on his desk, and inside it, your resignation letter.

He tries to act unaffected as he reads what you’ve written. It’s straight to the point, as you narrate your journey in the company, having started as an intern and then working in logistics before finding your footing as the Vice President’s assistant. You list the skills you’ve developed and other things you’ve learned but that you think it’s time to venture into something new and different, noting how you’ll take all your experiences with you in this new stage of your life. 

You thank him for his guidance, and he almost breaks towards the end when you mention the Arts Center. You apologize for leaving before its completion, but you’re thankful because it allowed you to appreciate the beauty of things, that it made you understand the value of meaning and connection, and that his passion for it pushed you to find something that you want to be passionate about, too. You’ve given him something, and now he knows that in his own way, he’s given something to you, too. 

You type away on your desktop while not-so-discreetly peeking into Jungkook’s office to see his reaction to your letter. Your plan was to resign after the Arts Center was launched, knowing how big of a project it is that needs all of Jungkook’s attention. He can’t be distracted, and a part of you scolds yourself for being selfish about deciding to do this now. 

But you also knew that you couldn’t delay it any longer. After what happened last Friday, you didn’t know how you could face him again, especially now that he knows everything. It didn’t feel right to continue on, not just because of your feelings but because you crossed a line - you kissed and did all that in his office. That itself is unacceptable; it almost feels like a betrayal to his family, whom you’ll have to painfully say goodbye to as well. 

Mr. Ri visited you yesterday to give you comfort, knowing that you’d choose to go through this on your own again. Jungkook was devastated but was worried about you more than anything, you were told, and somehow that made the decision less difficult but still painful to make. You don’t know if he’ll ever truly understand, especially if finding yourself means letting him go despite the happiness he gives you. 

It’s not everyday you find someone you feel so much for, but then again, human beings are complicated - they can want something and be scared of it at the same time; they can have the chance to have it but doubt it all the same. What you feel for him should be enough to dispel your worries about his sincerity but there’s too much going on in your mind at this point. Right now, you just want to get away. With him learning the truth, you suppose he needs time to process all that as well. 

You’ll miss him though. You’ll miss everything about this place. But you’ll miss him the most. 

Your phone ringing disrupts your thoughts, and your heart races when you hear Jungkook’s voice on the other end.

“Ms. Cho, please come to my office.”

You calm your nerves and find the strength to get off your seat and walk towards him. He’d been expressionless the whole time, and you wonder if he’ll hold off your resignation because it’s terrible timing. Either way, you try to prepare yourself for what’s to come. 

But clearly, you didn’t do so enough, as you’re still left speechless when he holds out an envelope for you to take, the sight of his hands that once held you close breaking your heart again.

“I accept your resignation,” he says, his voice low and firm, his eyes not fully meeting yours. “You have a month until your last day but you have two weeks worth of vacation and I urge you to take them before you leave.”

“Thank you, sir,” you manage to say, your voice soft and shaking compared to his. “I… I will.”

“And this is your recommendation letter,” he says, handing you another envelope. “You’ve shown exceptional skills throughout your tenure here, Ms. Cho. Everyone you’ve worked with says so, and I’ve seen that firsthand. I’m sure that wherever you decide to work after this, you’ll be another great asset. And my family wishes you good luck in your future endeavors. Thank you for all that you’ve done for us.”

The words are too formal, too professional for your liking, and this breaks your heart even more. But you suppose there’s no other way to do it. You’re the one leaving; you’re the one who pulled away. After everything that’s happened, you’re the one who walked out to find your happiness when Jungkook needed you the most, and you could only hope that one day, he’ll forgive you for it. That he’ll forgive you for all of it.

“Thank you, Mr. Jeon,” you bow in thanks. “I’ve said it all in my letter but once again, I appreciate everything you’ve taught me.”

You bravely look him in the eyes as he seems to have found the courage to look at you, and the longer you do, the harder it all becomes. 

“Shall I commence the process of finding my replacement, sir?” You ask.

“There is no need,” he replies. “I’ve received approval from my father to have Lucas come in as my assistant effective immediately. He’s scheduled to arrive this week, so you can spend the remaining time you have here turning over everything to him. I will announce your resignation to the team before then. You can also begin the offboarding process with HR so that there are no delays.”

“Understood, Mr. Jeon,” you say, the light in your eyes dimming as each second passes by.

“Is there anything else I could do to help you, Ms. Cho?” 

There’s a prolonged moment where you and Jungkook just look at each other, his eyes tinged with a kind of sadness that you perhaps mirror, with words swimming in your own heads that neither of you wants to say out loud.

You wish he’d say that he’s okay, that he forgives you, and that he hopes it didn’t have to be this way. 

He wishes you’d say that you’re sorry for leaving him, that you’ll be thinking about him, and that you hope you’ll find your way back to him again.

You want to tell him that he’s all you could think about, that you’ll miss him everyday, that you’ll search for  beautiful things that are tangible like you said you would, and hope they would lead you back to him. 

He wants to say that he’ll look for you everywhere, that he’ll hold onto every good memory you have together, that he hopes you find whatever makes you happy, and that he’ll wait for you until you realize that it could be him.

But the moment passes and then it’s gone. You bow once more and head out the door.

You take your seat and will yourself not to cry. You can’t help it though, even as you press your palms against your ears to drown out the sounds of your own sadness, of your heart’s call of his name even if you’re the one walking away. 

You let the tears fall, a reminder that you’d done this, and that for the first time in your life, you’re crying over losing someone, even if he was someone you didn’t have in the first place. 

Maybe you weren’t meant to have him at all. 

Series Masterlist

Permanent Taglist:

@sherlynxx @di0rgguk @thequeen-kat @fan-ati--c @cravingforhotchocolate @adoraminie @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @gukssunshine @kookxin @petuliii @yoursthv @libra04 @fancycollectormoon @twixxxpie @ignoretheskies @ohmydarlin-g @bids97 @minyoongiboongi @main-bangtansmauyeondan @investedreader @petalsofink @stopeatread @craftymoonchaos @alpacaparkaseok @coletaehyung @boyfriendtaekook @moonchild1 @keshiadeija @nesha227 @src-9 @almatiarau

Series Taglist (1):

@xhazmania @ash07128 @rinkud @junecat18 @peachytokki @baechugff @coralmusicblaze @jalexad @pamzn @hoseoksluv89 @familiarlikemymirror3 @kookies-n-spice @hyuneyeon @thisartemisnevermisses @jk97bam @nadzzzblog @xyarinx @megnugget98 @shameless-army @jkslvsnella @lvr2seok @nayashalouiseburrows

#jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x oc #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook series #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #boss jungkook

[isimpfortoomanypeople]

I loved your high school sweethearts imagine and I was hoping if you could do that with Nate jacobs? But like Nate and the reader have 3 kids ( 2 boys 1 girl the girl being the youngest) and the reader is pregnant again with another boy so like the little girl is Nate’s little princess? :)

Till death do us part- Nate Jacobs x female reader

Spending your high school years in an off and on again relationship wasn’t how you would imagine high school to be. 7years later your best friend Lexi invites you to her engagement party, now the real question is are you and Nate still together?

Warnings: the reader and Nate having a bad relationship in high school, brief smut MDI (I needed it to set the beginning of the story), alcohol, mentions of Cal, toxic masculinity (for context wise Maddy didn’t date Nate in this) super fluffy Nate towards the end

A/N: aww thanks I’m glad that you loved high school sweethearts. I loved writing this, and it maybe a little bit self indulgent by having Lexi and Maddy being the reader’s best friends as they are my favourite characters. This is my first Euphoria fic so I hope that you enjoy it and I’ve done it justice. Sorry if some parts sound over British as I’m from the U.K. apologises for all spelling and grammatical mistakes as I’m super dyslexic, enjoy

You gasped for air rolling your eyes into the back of your head as Nate thrusted into you, moaning your name as he spilt his seed across your velvety walls.

You both panted as you recovered from your climax. Nate lifted his fingers brushing away the strands of hair that clutch to your forehead from the exhaustion you’ve just experienced. He pulled out of you, you both whimpered from the lack of contact.

“This shouldn’t happen again”

“Babe you say this every time”

You panted trying to regain your breath. Trying your hardest to regulate your breathing into a normal rhythm. Nate knew how to make you feel so good to the point that you were putty in his hands.

But you’ve been broken up for over 2 months you should allow yourself to move on but it’s hard when Nate narrows his eyes, locking you in his gaze swatting off all men that ever showed the slightest bit of interest in you.

You broke up for a reason as he was the biggest asshole you had ever met, he was controlling but yet you couldn’t let go. For Nate is a siren drawing you to your untimely death. With a face as pretty as his, he could make the grey thrashing waters appear blue and tranquil. One thing about Nate Jacobs was once you were under his spell it was impossible to escape.

“I mean it Nate, we’re supposed to be over. I can’t move on when you scare off every man who shows me the slightest bit of attention. I’m not yours anymore you have to let me go” you sighed, allowing your head to slump into the plush pillow of your bed. Pinching the bridge of your nose, praying that he actually got the message this time, not continuing this nauseating game of cat and mouse which had been happening for weeks with you always ending up underneath him.

“Babe..” his head nuzzled into the crook of your neck, his arms wrapped protectively over your body. Almost chaining you to the spot, limiting your movements, hoping to silence your following words.

“Nate I mean it. Please you’re going to have to let me go-“ your words were cut short by Nate throwing you out of his embrace, as if your body was a poison that burnt him to touch. He scurried around your room collecting his clothes from the heap on the floor , as when you were both deeply in the throes of lust to care where they ended up, you just needed the clothes off your body as soon as possible.

Nate made a point of crashing his foot upon the wooden floorboards with each step he took, over exaggerating how pissed off he truly was. Like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

His eyes couldn’t bare to look at yours, his jaw clenched so tightly together that a vein pulsed on the side of his forehead.

He said nothing as he exited your room, the only sound that broke the deafening silence was the loud slam of your door. You flinched upon hearing the loud slam and the rattle of the metal hinges, he slammed it with such ferocity you were amazed that your door was still in tack.

Safe to say that Nate got the message, he was finally going to leave you alone. You could finally move on, you wanted this right? So why does your heart feel like it’s crumbling into tiny pieces? Why are tears pouring down your face? And why do you feel empty, so incredibly empty and alone?

Y/N: I finally did it, he got the message. I can’t help but feel like I’ve made a mistake

Maddy: honey no, you haven’t made a mistake Nate Jacobs is a toxic asshole. He should of treated you right but he never did, it’s his loss to loose such an amazing person

Lexi: Y/N I agree with Maddie, don’t you ever let him make you feel like this was a mistake. You deserve way better and you can do way better

Y/N: why do I feel like this is a mistake though? I still love him and girls this hurts, this really fucking hurts

Lexi: oh Y/N :( I know it’s hard but you will get through this. I’ll be there in 5

Y/N: Lexi I can’t ask you to do that as you’re going on a date with Fez tonight

Lexi: too late I’m on my way, my girl needs me

Maddy: I’ll be there in 15, Ive snuck a bottle of my parents wine

Y/N: I love you guys so much <;3

The rest of the weekend was spent either pouring your heart out to your two friends, while Maddy continued to pour you drinks to help numb the pain. The pain didn’t lessen as each drink only made the hot tears come down like a torrential down pour. You couldn’t talk without your words becoming slurred by the overwhelming grief you felt for knowing that Nate is officially out of your life, but also from the copious amount of booze Maddy was supplying you with.

The two girls nodded sympathetically when they were needed to be, swigging back the bottle to try to conceal their true emotions about the situation. They were secretly overjoyed that you and that toxic asshole were no more.

They reassured you that it was the best thing to do, Lexi allowing you to curl up on your bed with your head in her lap. She stroked your hair, telling you that it was okay, not caring that your tears was dampening her jeans.

By the following Saturday the two were able to convince you to go to a party, claiming that this is the perfect way to finally get over him.

“Oh my fucking god! Y/N you look stunning!” Maddy gasped as you entered her bedroom, wearing her pastel blue dress , it just about covered your ass and boobs. But then again Maddy wouldn’t wear anything that left anything to the imagination, but if you have even an ounce of the confidence Maddy exudes you would too.

She wondered towards you and sprayed your whole body with a bottle of perfume , you had to take a step back as the floral smell was making you light headed. She moved your chin with her index finger admiring her handy work, she did the most intricate blue eyeliner with stick on pearls to truly accentuate your eyes.

“You look so hot” Maddy smirk lifting a shot glass full of clear liquid to your face. Weakly smiling as you shot back the glass that felt like it could have been filled with straight ethanol from your visceral reaction.

She whipped her phone out from her right pocket, holding you close to her as she angled her phone to capture you both in the most flattering angle. Maddie pouted her lips tilting her head to face yours, so unsure what to do in this situation that you followed precisely what Maddy did. She posted the photo on her story adding a caption saying “single and ready to mingle”

You reposted the photo on your story and not even a second after posting you swiped up out of curiosity to see who had viewed your story, straight away you saw

@nate.jacobs has viewed your story. Rolling your eyes, you threw your phone in your purse. Ready to forget about him for the night.

“You look amazing y/n” Lexi smiled bringing you into her embrace, her arms wrapped tightly around you.

“Thanks lex you too”

“Lex told me about you and Nate, I’m sorry about that. He’s an asshole and I have no problem punching him again if you need to” fez offered as he patted you on the shoulder. His jaw clenched as he said Nate’s name, swallowing down the anger he has for him.

“Thanks fez, as much as I’d love to see him with a bloodied nose again, I don’t think that will be necessary-“

As you finished your sentence it dwindled away into thin air as you locked eyes with Nate, who had his arm tightly wrapped around the shoulders of Cassie. When his eyes met yours, he placed a kiss to Cassie’s temple, as if to wound you for wounding him. He quickly looked away as they both walked towards the kitchen to search for something to drink.

You felt your body shaking in a mixture of anger and despair. Every mussel in your body strained as you were trying to contain yourself from punching Nate yourself.

Fuck you Nate Jacobs!

“Y/N are you okay-“

“Lex did you know?”

“No I didn’t Y/N I swear, I’m so sorry” Lexi desperately called after you but it was too late, as you slammed the front door behind you.

You leant against the side of the house, letting the tears you’ve been holding in slide down your face. You didn’t want to give Nate the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

It was a mistake you showing up tonight

—————————————————————————-

Y/N it’s me Lexi, I firstly want to apologise for losing contact with you after graduation. It was hard with you moving to college and I was dealing with Fez’s arrest and the death of ash. But I saw your mom when I was grocery shopping and she gave me your new number. Me and Fez got engaged, can you believe it? He proposed last week at this fancy restaurant. I wanted to invite you to our engagement party this Saturday. You can bring a plus one if you’re dating someone, I can’t wait to see you as I miss you.

“Who’s that babe?”

“Lexi just texted me, she’s inviting us to her and Fez’s engagement party this Saturday”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? She’s not exactly my biggest fan” Nate sighed, as he sunk down the couch beside you. Placing his hand on your thigh, rubbing soft circles on the fleshy part of your thigh. He chewed his lip as he was overthinking about every possible way this party could end in disaster.

You were the only one who could vouch that he wasn’t the same Nate Jacobs he was in high school. While they were all left with the bitter taste of his name in their mouths, despising the person he once was.

—————————————————————————-

“Y/N you coming to the graduation party?” Maddy asked, readjusting her cap that tilted to the side of her head, slightly messing up her perfectly styled curls.

“100%”

“Great come to mine for 8, Lexi and I are pregaming before our final ever high school party” Maddie squealed in excitement over the big day, you both are finally going to leave East Highland behind. She pressed her glossed lips on your cheek before running off to get some more pictures before the school kicked you out.

“Y/N can we talk?”

Your body stiffened momentarily, your nostrils flared as you forced yourself to breathe. Rolling your eyes as you prepared yourself to engage in conversation with the one person who you really didn’t want to speak to right now.

“I don’t have anything to say to you” you sighed, not even turning your back to look at him

“Y/N please?” Nate’s voice quivered as he was trying to compose his emotions. He was having an internal battle, he wanted to get on his knees begging for you to hear him out, but his dismissive tough outer exterior was telling him to run away to save his pride.

You turned around to face him, you could feel your eyes prick with tears as you look deep into his.

“What did you want to say?” You tried your damn hardest to sound cold with a dash of hostility, but looking in his eyes opened that part of your heart that you tried to kill. The part of your heart that still loves him. Looking into his deep hazel eyes it brought back all the emotions you tried to suppress.

Nate took a deep breath and swallowed down all the negative thoughts that tried to sway him from confessing how he truly feels. It’s hard when you’ve grew up with an emotionally absent, extremely toxic farther, that it’s hard to express your true emotions. His farther taught him how to only express anger, that men don’t allow themselves to cry, men speak with their fists or with their dicks. Cal was so heavily blinded by toxic masculinity that he couldn’t see the effect it has on his own son, or that he simply didn’t care. The most “love” he ever received from his dad was a pat on his back after he won a football game.

“I’m sorry” he pressed his lips into a thin line, closing his eyes to contain his tears. He felt his breathing hitch, being emotionally vulnerable felt uncomfortable that every part of him was screaming at him not to continue further. But he pushed all this down for you, he loves you and he can’t picture a life where you’re not in it.

“Nate I-“

“Please let me speak, I need to say this now otherwise it will eat me alive till the day I die” Nate choked back a sob as he forced these words out of his mouth.

You looked at him with confusion, you’ve never seen Nate in your whole relationship being so vulnerable as he is right now. You nodded your head, holding your breath awaiting what he had to say.

“I’m truly sorry Y/N. I truly fucked up, I have no excuse for the way I treated you. I can see you walking out of my life and I’m scared, I love you and I’m scared that you hate me. I won’t blame you if you do, I don’t deserve you, you were always too good for me. Ever since I called the cops on my dad, I realised that I’m turning into my worst fear, I’m turning into him. I hurt you so badly and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. My dad was a worthless piece of shit, I believed that I had to grow in his shadow, I had to be the man he wanted me to be, so I hurt those I love because I’m so used to anger that I don’t know how to express how I feel about you. But I do love you, I love the sound of your laugh, I love waking up next to you, I love how you can make this shitty world okay” Nate’s body convulsed as each sob coursed through his body.

He couldn’t hold his tears back anymore as they slid down his face, he buried his face within his hands, hiding the tears from you. He felt a small sense of humiliation about you seeing him like this, he could hear his father’s voice ringing through his ears telling him how pathetic he was for shedding a single tear. But he didn’t care as right now he could possibly lose the love of his life forever and that scared him more than any tears would.

You looked at him with concern as your heart broke to see him so fragile, his body shaking as his hands muffled the series of ‘please don’t leave me, I love you” escaping from his lips. In your whole relationship you have never seen Nate cry, to the point that you believed that he was incapable of feeling such intense sorrow. In this moment in time you saw the fragile broken side of him that never sees the light of day.

Yes he broke your heart but you still loved him, humanity in itself is never black and white, we’re all intricate human beings with flaws and scars and Nate was no exception to this. He was flawed and broken but he also made you feel like you were the most beautiful person whenever his eyes fell upon you, how he could make all of your problems slip away into thin air whenever you were wrapped in his warm embrace.

Fuck you still loved him!, you were willing to give him a second chance. Sure there’s a lot to work upon to have even an ounce of what you once had, but if Nate was serious about what he had just said he’d gladly put in the work.

“Baby” you called out to him, just as you expected he remained where he was, still trembling with his face buried within his hands.

You stepped towards him and gently peeled back his hands to reveal his tear stained face. He looked at you with his eyes filled heavy with a deep sadness. You wiped away a hot tear that fell down his cheek with your thumb, placing a kiss where the tear used to be.

“Okay, you fucked up badly. You hurt me, but I can’t help but love you. Even when my heart was breaking I still loved you. When I once drunkenly told you that I couldn’t imagine a future without you in it, I still mean every word. But baby if we’re going to work I need you to prove to me that you’d never hurt me this badly again because my heart can’t take another heart break. I want to give us another chance, but please promise me baby that you will do anything to make us work again?”

“I will I promise, I love you Y/N. Thank you, I don’t deserve you” he weakly chuckled as new tears flooded down his cheek. He gently kissed your forehead, as he pulled you into his arms, inhaling your perfume that he had missed for it was the only thing in his life that brought him any form of comfort.

“Don’t make me regret this baby” you whispered

“I would rather die than to ever make that happen” he whispered back to you, placing another tender kiss against your forehead. Smiling for the first time in days that the love of his life was finally back in his arms.

———————————————————————————

Lexi sighed as she got Fez to rearrange the silver banner which read ‘happy engagement’ for what felt like the hundredth time.

“A little to your left Fez, it’s still off centre” she groaned, massaging the stress out of her temples.

“Look angel , no one is going to care if the banner isn’t exactly central” Fez groaned, his back is aching from arching it to place the banner exactly where his fiancé wanted it.

“Why don’t you get yourself a glass of rosé and try to relax?” He soothed, massaging her shoulders that became raised from her over thinking. He kissed the side of her cheek as he felt her shoulders release.

“I know, it’s just that I want tonight to be perfect, everyone will be here. Plus Y/N will be here who I haven’t seen in forever, sorry babe it’s just that it’s been a lot of stress for me” she pouted, chewing on the inside of her cheek from overthinking the entire party.

“I know angel, but trust me tonight is going to be great. And fuck it if it’s not for I’m finally engaged to the hottest woman I have ever met who made me the luckiest man in the entire world” Fez smiled as he turned Lexi to look at him, he lifted her head to look at him as he brought her Into a passionate kiss.

“I love you” Lexi breathed after she had to pull away from the lack of oxygen to her lungs

“I love you too”

The two lovers were interrupted by a loud knock at the door, the person behind the door was growing impatient by the second as the door was rattling against its hinges.

Lexi rolled her eyes, growing more frustrated by the person’s persistence. When she opened the door she was met by her sister wearing a skin tight baby pink dress, barely covering her ass.

“Wow Cas you look good?” Lexi stuttered upon seeing her older sister so dolled up, Lexi snickered as she joked, “dressing for anyone special?”

“Nate could be here” Cassie smirked as she soothed down the limiting fabric of her dress

“Excuse me?”

“Last thing I heard was that Y/N dated Nate in college, if by some miracle that they’re still together, I’ll show him what he’s been missing” Cassie stated, as she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulders making a beeline for the kitchen for something to drink.

Fez noticed how Cassie flounced in here without acknowledging the two hosts or why the party was arranged in the first place. He rolled his eyes as he brought his beer to his lips.

“Remind me why you invited her?”

“She’s my sister, plus she’s delusional that Nate will be here” Lexi groaned also rolling her eyes, they say that you can’t choose your family but it’s moments like this that Lexi wish that she could

Plus her sister was full of shit, there was no way that you would ever give Nate Jacobs a second chance right?

As more guest arrived they all congratulated the happy couple and wished them both a lifetime of happiness.

Rue stood in the corner listening to Kat as she told her about her newest work in progress. Rue is gladly 7 years sober from all substances, she’s done so well that she now helps out at the local clinics that once saved her life. Rue rarely dated after her relationship with Jules, needing to find her feet and especially within her sobriety. She had finally healed the relationship with her mom and younger sister.

Kat on the other hand became a successful author, writing about steamy erotic stories which soon made her the best selling author of that genre. Fans go wild over her books, claiming her to be the queen of smut. Kat finally found the confidence she thought that she lost in herself and for once was truly happy in her skin.

Ethan spent a large majority of the party catching up with Lexi as he just came back from tour. Unsurprisingly Ethan found his love of acting through being in Lexi’s iconic play. He studied at Juilliard where he became an up and coming Broadway talent, he recently came off tour with Dear Evan Hansen and was happy to be home for a few days. Though he has been avoiding Kat all throughout the party like the plague, some wounds will never heal.

Jules arrived to the party with Kat who were still good friends and kept in touch regularly. Jules became a therapist helping queer and trans kids, she became an activist for trans rights and in result gained a huge Instagram following. Jules used what she went through in the past to help those she can, believing that no one should experience the trauma she had faced alone.

Cassie stood leaning against the wall watching the door like a hawk, every few minutes readjusting her hair or applying another layer of

Gloss, determined that Nate was going to walk through that door. Lexi and Cassie’s relationship was rocky, but for the sake of the family Lexi invited her here tonight.

Lexi felt her heart drop as she checked the time on her phone, you were officially an hour late. The guilt started to eat her alive as she twirled the pretty diamond ring that laid upon her finger. She drummed her fingers against her thigh trying to relieve her anxiety that was raging through her body. Her brain went into overdrive, imagining all the ways that you probably hate her for loosing touch. She kept on staring at the wooden frame praying for it to knock at any second.

———————————————————————————

“Okay you can choose one toy each” Nate stated at Harrison, Noah and Lilly who were sat crossed legged on the floor of their playroom with multiple toys strewn around the room.

“But daddy Rosie needs Daisy” Lilly pouted as she held up two princess dolls from the same set, she gave Nate her best puppy dog eyes and quivered her bottom lip.

It took Nate less than five seconds to cave into Lilly’s cute pouting face which made his heart melt. Nate swears that she gets it from her mother. Lilly truly was Nate’s little princess and dangerously he was wrapped around her little finger.

“Fine” Nate sighed “only two”

The three kids let out a laughter of glee as they reached for another toy.

“Are you ready to go?” You asked resting your head in the crook of Nate’s neck, wrapping your arms around him pulling him closer to you. It must be your hormones or Nate’s irresistible nature that made this pregnancy resulting in yourself to be attached to his hip, you became more clingier but Nate found that adorable. Especially when you pouted at him if he hasn’t given you enough affection, Nate wouldn’t change it for the world for he had the life he dreamt about, a beautiful wife and 3 happy healthy children with one more on the way

———————————————————————————

Lexi felt her heart flew out of her chest when she heard a knock at the door. She squealed loudly as she passed her glass to Fez, who was looking at his fiancé with a bewildered expression from her sudden outburst. Her body shaking with delight as she practically launched herself at the door.

Maddy saw Lexi’s commotion and quickly followed suit with her face beaming over the thought of seeing you again.

“I missed you-“

The two women’s eyes grew wide as they looked at your stomach that was carrying your fourth child. Lexi cupped her hands over her mouth and squealed again in delight.

“Congratulations Y/N who’s the lucky guy?”

“My husband-“

“Oh my god! You’re married?” Maddy smiled as she wrapped her arms around you in a tight hug, but not tight enough as she was weary of your bump. Maddy was overjoyed that you are finally in a healthy relationship ever since the shit show her and Lexi had to endure in high school, the two were so used to seeing you in tears with a broken heart. It warms her heart that you look happier and you were practically glowing, pregnancy really did suit you.

Lexi shared the same feeling of elation for you but she was momentarily sad when she found out that you were married, not that she wasn’t happy for you but she wished that she could of been their to celebrate your big day with you. Well at least you can now attend hers.

3 kids came running up behind you, your twins Harrison are Noah were 7 while Lilly was 5. Lexi and Maddy waved at the three kids, gushing about how cute they were and how much they all looked like their mom. Both women were crouched down listening intently as each kid introduced their toys to them, laughing as Lexi and Maddy shook their hands and welcomed the extra guests to the party.

When Maddy looked up to you, her smiled faltered as she choked on the air overcome with shock from who just appeared and placed a kiss on your cheek. Lexi looked at Maddie eyes wide with confusion till she turn to look in the same direction, Lexi rapidly started blinking not fully processing what she’s just witnessed.

You and Nate Jacobs were still together! Not only that but you were married to him with kids.

None of the pieces were adding up in their heads, they were completely baffled by the entire encounter. Last time they saw you, you were crying over him hating him for breaking your heart. So what the hell has changed for you to look totally infatuated by him?

—————————————————————————-

After you graduated from university Nate proposed with a beautiful delicate diamond ring. Saying that you were the love of his life and the only one for him.

You both had a small private wedding reserved for only close family and friends, for you wanted your big day to be spent with those who you loved. You did wish that Lexi and Maddy could be there but you all loss contact so it was impossible to contact them.

You both moved far away from LA as possible, both wanting a fresh start and especially when Cal was allegeable for parole. Nate wanted to be far away from him as possible, especially a few months after the wedding you fell pregnant with twins. Nate wanted to live somewhere safe with his family and to be the farther he never got to your twins (and Lilly who came two years later and baby Jamie who is now on the way).

He became a football coach at the local high school and you worked in the art department. It was sweet that you both worked in the same place which meant that you could have cute lunch dates together away from your kids as much as you loved them.

Nate was a great farther he was nothing like his dad, he was kind and patient. Completely different to his former high school self, where he didn’t know how to communicate his emotions. They built up inside of him till it came out into this fiery rage that could make anyone’s blood run cold, so unused to feel love so when he felt it he felt like he needed to push them away as he believed he was unworthy of feeling such a thing.

Seeing the way he was acting was hurting you, the love of his life. Watching you nearly walk out of his life was the worst pain he had ever felt, it felt suffocating, like every part of him was breaking. That he knew he had to change, and he wanted to change if it meant that he could keep you in his life.

Yes it was hard for him to begin with but he slowly let down his guard, the one his farther installed in him to make him ‘more of a man’ even though it made him seem cold. He started to let you in, he started to communicate about his feelings rather than to wait till they reached boiling point.

Nate was a doting husband, he brought you flowers every Friday and hires a sitter just so you two can have your regular date nights. He loved you with all his heart and never missed an opportunity to show that to you. You were both finally happy. —————————————————————————-

“I can’t believe he’s changed?” Lexi exclaimed lifting her glass to her lips, still in complete shock over what she’s just heard.

“I love you Y/N but he was a dick in high school I’m having a hard time believing that he’s such a loving husband” Maddy added watching in amazement as Nate sat with his children on the floor. Laughing with them and joining in their make believe game, watching as Lilly giggled with glee as her dad gently kissed her on the cheek.

“I know if I wasn’t married to him I’d have a hard time believing that too. But I truly couldn’t ask for a better husband, the smallest things make me nauseous nowadays. So Nate now carries water, mints and ginger tea incase I need it”

“Stop it that is too cute” Maddie gasped.

Both her and Lexi shared a look, maybe they were both wrong about Nate Jacobs? Seeing you so content ,watching how good he is with the kids and how he looks at you like you are the most beautiful girl in the world (which caused Cassie to roll her eyes and huff in annoyance seeing how in love with you he was). Nate Jacobs was your perfect match.

“So Y/N I wanted to ask if you would be my maid of honour at my wedding”

“Oh my god Lexi, yes I will” you smiled as you quickly pulled her into a warm embrace.

“I need my best friend there on my big day and it wouldn’t be the same without you”

They say that the best love is fast and intense, maybe that was true to your high school self. But the true, real kind of love was consistent and giving, forever holding onto that initial spark. Now you know exactly what that love felt like as you found that in Nate.

A/N: I hope that you enjoyed this fic. I’d had to make Ethan an actor especially after his incredible performance as Nate in the play. He also gives me dear Evan Hansen vibes I don’t know why. My requests are still open and I’m currently working through all of them

#euphoria #euphoria fanfic #euphoria fanfiction #euphoria imagine #euphoria nate #nate jacobs #nate jacobs x y/n #nate jacobs x you #nate jacobs x reader #Nate Jacobs x fem! reader #Nate Jacobs fanfic #Nate Jacobs fanfiction #nate jacobs imagine

[uravitypng]

𝐈 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄

pairing: kaminari denki x reader, hanta sero x reader

word count: 1.8k

warnings/contents(for part one): angst, petnames (denki calls you babydoll), written with a chubby reader in mind /// minors do not interact (in later chapters there will be smut and explicit content!!) - smut, fluff and more in later chapters !!

a/n: this is my first series! i'm not sure how many parts this will have but if you wanna be updated i could add a taglist! thank you @tsukkisloser, they suggested i post two versions, by saying that gave me hundreds ideas to where the story could go and i decided to combine all the the ending ideas into plot points, making my series more developed! i'm really excited for this fic and i hope you all enjoy it, it's going to fun! <3

summary: it's terrible when you're in love with your best friend. it's terrible that he's in love with someone else.

part two >> | masterlist (check out my poll for this chapter!)

You're Denki's best friend and you've always been since you both were little, you were attached to the hip, and went everywhere together, both of you went to UA together. Everything used to be okay, Denki was just Denki, your best friend, but luck never took a liking to you and years later you've realised you're in love with your best friend, you always have been.

You're in love with your extremely attractive and all around amazing best friend.

Denki has consistently flirted, he's flirtatious in nature, you never had a problem with it until you you both grew up a bit, until UA. Until Jirou. Denki still flirted with everyone but he always spoke about Jirou to you and it grated. Sure he'd find people attractive before and he'd have liked people in the past but with Jirou it felt never ending. Everyday he talked about her, something about how funny or cool she is, half the time you doubt he even realised he was being so obvious when talking to you about her.

You knew it shouldn't upset you, there was no reason why it should but it did. He never flirted with you, and you never cared about it before, but why did he never pay any attention? He hit on every one else. You were always right there and he never spared you a second glance.

You became bitter, and you really tried not to, you tried your hardest to smile through every time Denki gushed about her but it was so god damn hard.

After blowing Denki off one night, out of exasperation, you end up in Sero's room, he's always had a very good read on you, and can tell when you're pissed off and normally he knows what its about too. "Has Kaminari messaged you tonight?" He slips into conversion while briefly looking at you before the next match begins.

"Yeah, but i'd rather be with you," you shrug back, trying to sound as casual as you can. In all actuality you would rather be spending your time with Sero so you're not lying, just hiding your irritation. It's always so easy with Sero. It use to be that way with Denki but not so much recently, you'd prefer to spend your night relaxing instead of getting Denki gushing in your ear about Jirou again.

"Hmm, I'm flattered." He looks up to smile at you. If only you were into Sero instead. You two spend the night together, playing mario kart and watching x-files.

You take notice that the room is really bright, you swear it was dark only a second ago, and you hear yawning behind you. That makes more sense you fell asleep in Sero's room. It's not the first time it's happened, but it's not particularly frequent, Sero does keep a blanket in his room especially for you though, which you always thought was nice. What's nicer is Sero must have laid you down with the blanket after you fell asleep, you're fairly certain you fell asleep propped up against his wall as the last thing you remember is the climax of the episode you were watching, you don't remember how it ended, you'll have to ask.

"Heyo," you say, softly, still waking up.

Sero makes a noise of acknowledgement, as he starts stretching. "We'll probably miss breakfast if we don't get up soon," Sero says gravelly voice from behind you, the contrast between his morning voice and his regular is something that always makes your face heat up a bit.

This time you hum to let him know you've heard him and start getting up. A couple minutes later you're out the room, albeit tired.

You two seem like one of the last ones up and you can tell Bakugou's been up for awhile by the way he's already shouting, how does he always wake up so early?

"I have no idea how that guy has so much energy in the mornings." Thank fuck for Sero who always matches your energy and knows what you're thinking.

"Speak for yourself, he's already made pancakes and man that guy can cook," you hear Denki say from behind you. He's so enthusiastic in the morning and you can practically hear his grin, you just groan in response. You see Sero smirk from the corner of your eye.

"Do you wanna go out today babydoll?" Denki asks, still too tired to engage in full blown conversations you nod and lean back so you're leaning on him. "We can go to the arcade or something, after you've had some caffeine of course." You turn to the side to look at him and stick your tongue out. Even though you were actually waiting to get something to drink so you can properly start your day, Denki knows every little thing about and that's very comforting when you've just woken up. Safe to say you had a good time with Denki that day.

.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·..·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·..·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·..·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.

Seven years later, you're outside that very same arcade after patrol on your way back home. You can't wait to get back and relax, you haven't eaten all day, you slept in late which is no surprise and had to miss breakfast. Even now as an adult you are definitely not a morning person.

"I'm home!" You call out, Denki must not be in due to the fact he hasn't called back to you as loud as he can like normal. He's probably at Kirishima's or something. When people ask why two successful, up and coming heroes are living together, they normally fill in the blanks themselves. 'They have enough money to buy their own place, so they must be dating, they're choosing to live together.' Crappy tabloids and internet sleuths are always jumping to conclusions.

They're technically not completely wrong about the fact that you both are quickly jumping the charts every year and have plenty to spend on your own places but you have chosen to live with Denki in this warm, comfy little flat but you are just friends, even if you wish there were something more.

After graduation it made the most sense for you to live together, according to Denki, and you'd much rather live with Denki than by yourself so you agreed, years flew by and you still lived together. The idea of moving out never crossed your mind, you like living with Denki, you love it, even if sometimes he forgets to take clothes into the bathroom when showering and he walks out with just a towel on or comes into the living room late at night drinking orange juice from the carton, only leaving a drop left and not buying another one.

He's your best friend and you love him, You've matured together and seen each other grow and you're so proud of the people you've become. Whenever you praise Denki too much though it definitely gets to his head.

After leaving UA it's been a hell of a lot harder to keep in contact with everyone, there's a group chat but it's pretty dead, and even then you haven't opened the last three messages that came through last couple weeks, if it was important Denki would mention it, you'll get round to it eventually. He's always been on top of communicating with everyone, he's always been the more sociable one. Now everyone's gone pro it's harder to find time for each other and have schedules that match up with others. That's why you're so lucky you have Denki.

Although it's not just Denki you've stayed in contact, luckily Kirishima lives close by and so does Hanta so that's good. You're fairly certain you and Denki are the only ones from your class who are living together, every other hero you know lives separately that's makes you pretty special in your eyes. It must be pretty lonely having no one to come home at the end of the day, you know you definitely would be lonely if you didn't have Denki.

You make yourself some dinner and message Denki after asking where he is. You're not ready to call it a night yet and it would be nice to spend some time with people after a tiring day. Denki's at Kiri's, so twenty minutes later you're at Kiri's too.

When you get through the door, you're immediately greeted by Denki's voice accompanied with Kirishima's and Hanta's laughing, and in ten more minutes you're all squished together watching some shitty show in the background that you have no interest in, listening to Hanta and Denki passionately argue about what star wars film is better, they're absolute idiots. According to Hanta, Phantom Menace is the best one because Jar Jar Binks makes his first appearance but Denki says its return of the Jedi because it's the one where Leia has the gold bikini on.

Even though it sucks that you don't see all your friends as often as you like, you feel like you, Kiri, Denki and Hanta have grown even closer, which is weird because you honestly didn't think you could grow closer with them. They were both some of the closest friends you made during your time at UA. Half the time you still end up falling asleep next to Hanta even now, years later, when you're shattered after work, with Hanta by the side of you. That's where Sero's been for years, by your side, that's where Kiri's been too. It dawned on you one day that not only do you have Denki right beside you always, they've been there too and you're very thankful for them.

"Anyway, Kirishima can I turn this shit off and put something actually interesting on?" Hanta turns to asks Kirishima, how does this man always know what you're thinking.

"Go for it, dude."

"What's the point, it's just background noise anyway," Denki complains.

"Yes, but highly annoying background noise. I suggest anything other than this," you say back.

Denki shuts up after that and they let you pick something.

You must have fallen asleep for a some time as Denki's crouched down beside you, tucking some hair behind your ear, whispering to you, "let's go babydoll, let's get you home." You mumble something unintelligible and start closing your eyes again. "I know babydoll, you're tired but you gotta get up. You can't sleep on Kiri's floor again, you're going to hurt your back. I would carry you but I don't want to hurt you while climbing any stairs. Can you get up for me?" He helps you up and and wraps his arms around your soft waist. "Good girl, we'll be home soon, I promise." you're too tired too think, and too sleepy, not even acknowledging Ejirou and Hanta on your way out, they're used to your hazy states and find it rather endearing. Walking home is a blur, Denki's got his arms around you, keeping you warm and stable. You trust Denki to get you home safely as you close your eyes again, not looking where you're going, pulling yourself even closer to him and burying yourself in his neck, his warmth and smell keeping you cosy and relaxed.

#kaminari denki #denki kaminari x reader #hanta sero #hanta sero x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader #denki x reader #kaminari x reader #sero x reader #mha #bnha #♡ mine / writing #♡ denki #♡ hanta #(eventually) >> #denki x reader smut #bnha smut #˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ i talk too much (series) #mha smut #bnha x reader smut #mha x reader smut #denki smut #bnha sero #bnha denki #denki x reader angst #denki x reader fluff #denki kaminari #sero hanta

[writingquestionsanswered]

Anonymous asked: I struggle with motivation to write and figuring out what I want to happen in my story. I'm really good at picking out tropes, understanding character motivation, seeing where the story is going, recognising good writing, etc. I often have dreams that are full-fledged, complex stories, so I know the creativity is there. It's just, for some reason, when it's my intent to create, nothing happens. I get stuck thinking 'they'll see this coming' or 'this wouldn't work', and I can't figure out how I want it to go. So, I feel like I'm pretty good at stories... when I'm not trying? And i dont know how to do it without trying. I hope this makes sense lol

Struggling with Motivation and Direction

Being able to recognize good stories and dream up good story ideas is a great place to start, but there's more to writing a good story than ideas, tropes, and character motivation. Stories revolve around conflict (internal, external, or both) and the protagonist's pursuit of a goal that will resolve that conflict. Stories have structure... they go through specific phases (setup, rising action, falling action, denouement) and hit specific plot points (hook, inciting incident, midpoint, climax)... and sometimes more specific phases and plot points (there are all different theories on what those are). And through all of these phases and plot points, your character is growing and/or changing (and or changing the people/world around them) while in pursuit of their goal/resolution to the conflict.

There are some writers who can come up with an idea that instantly includes all of those important phases and plot points, and they can sit down over whatever period of time and almost effortlessly hammer out a first draft. However, that is not the case for most writers or most stories. Most stories require some level of plotting or planning ahead of time to work out what happens in all of those specific phases and plot points, and what the character has to do in order to resolve the conflict, and figure out how the resulting events cause your character to change and/or grow/and/or change the people/world around them. Some writers do the bare minimum amount of pre-planning, but then they push through that work as they write, figuring everything out as they go. It's anything but effortless. It's really hard work.

And the thing is, you will probably figure out that you're a planner--meaning that you generally need to put whatever amount of plotting/planning into a story before you write--or you're a pantser--meaning that you do a minimal amount of planning ahead of time but take the time as you're writing to figure things out. Or you may find it depends on the story you're writing. Either way, don't give up just because a story isn't naturally falling out of your fingertips onto the page. Stories are like lumps of clay that you want to turn into a beautiful sculpture. You're not going to pinch here, pull there, and voila. It takes a lot of time and effort to shape them into the thing you want them to be. And sure... there are sculptors who can sit down and create a gorgeous sculpture out of a lump of clay in mere moments, but for most it's not that easy. Same with writing.

So, don't give up. You're right where you need to be. Spend some more time learning about how stories work. (You can look through the posts on my Plot & Story Structure master list to start with.) Read a lot, and when you read, see if you can pick out the different story phases and plot points. Analyze stories you love to see how you work. Author K.M. Weiland has a story structure database that pulls apart popular stories and breaks them down into all those different pieces. There are also a lot of great videos on YouTube about story structure and plotting.

Ultimately, keep at it. You'll get there!!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

LEARN MORE about WQA

SEE MY ask policies

VISIT MY Master List of Top Posts

COFFEE & FEEDBACK COMMISSIONS ko-fi.com/wqa

#writing tips #writing help #writing advice #wqaadvice

[mxlfoydraco]

Hi!!! Do you know any fic where Draco join the Golden Trio in their Hocrux Hunting in 7th year? Thnx

Hello! I know some,

Horcrux Hunting

Temptation on the Warfront by Alizarincrimson (180k)

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

Chronological Displacement by bookinit (89k)

In which Harry and Draco have a time-turner accident, and many things go wrong, but a lot of things also go right. Featuring: reptilian bonding night, canon-inaccurate animagus lessons, and a fuck-ton of pining.

aka the fic where Harry finds his family, and fights to keep them.

Consequences of Redemption by bobbirose (120k)

When Draco makes an impromptu decision to rescue Harry Potter from Malfoy Manor, the two find themselves completely alone and facing the looming climax of the war against Voldemort. Harry must start from the beginning with Draco–and starting over has more consequences than either of them anticipated.

Finite Incantatum by Alysian_Fields (153k)

What should have happened after ‘Half Blood Prince’! It’s the autumn after Dumbledore’s death, the Death Eaters are steadily gaining power, and Harry and his friends are desperate to find the remaining Horcruxes. But then Draco Malfoy arrives at Grimmauld Place, traumatised, starved and drained of all his magical ability. It falls to Harry to show the Slytherin how to adapt to his new way of life, never guessing that Draco has a few things to teach him in return.

The Sum of Your Scars by Tessa Crowley (4k)

Draco will never forgive Harry for making him a better person, and will never forgive himself for falling in love with him.

Earthbound Spook by cest_what (57k)

Two months after Draco Malfoy was reported dead, Harry and Ron found him tangled in Strangler Ivy on the grounds of Hogwarts.

The Serenity of His Rage by Lomonaaeren (152k)

AU of HBP. Narcissa never made Snape swear an Unbreakable Vow, and in the end, Draco decides to accept Dumbledore’s offer of sanctuary. But when Narcissa dies and Dumbledore declares his intention to create a soul-bond between Harry and Draco mainly to get rid of the Horcrux in Harry, Draco becomes enraged. He’ll use the soul-bond and the sanctuary Dumbledore gave him. But not exactly in the ways that Dumbledore anticipated.

Vulnera Sanentur by Zzzara (51k)

When Harry Potter fires a deadly curse at his "arch-enemy", he has no idea what the curse does. He has no idea he will soon beg Draco Malfoy's forgiveness and try his best to atone. He has no idea that the ugly bathroom incident he would rather forget will tangle and bind their lives together with no chance of escape. Navigating a treacherous path between Dumbledore's lies and Voldemort's orders, Draco is trapped and considered to be dead by both sides of the Wizarding War. Against the Golden Trio's wishes, he joins them on the Horcrux hunt. Except that he has no idea what he is hunting for. This is a love-story, a fight-story, very much compliant to the 6th and 7th 'Harry Potter' books and yet, very, VERY different. Because this time - after the Sectumsempra incident - Harry visited Draco in the hospital wing and tried to apologise.

Men Who Love Dragons Too Much by @fencer-x (522k)

[Extensive re-telling of Deathly Hallows] ‘Kill Albus Dumbledore’ is less a challenging task and more a suicide mission, so when Draco Malfoy is presented with the option to either dispatch his Headmaster or suffer an excruciating and most ignominious death of his own, along with his parents, he reaches deep into his black little Slytherin heart and manages to scrape together enough courage to go with option C instead: Spend Sixth Year secretly studying Animagecraft in the hopes he’ll turn into something sufficiently imposing even the Dark Lord himself won’t be able to keep Draco under his thumb. But just his luck, his Animagus form turns out to be a dragon, and a rather randy juvenile at that, intent on finding its mate: one Harry James Potter.

Speak (and may the world come undone) by @shealwaysreads (26k)

The war is on in earnest, and the hunt for the Horcruxes has begun. Harry receives help from the least expected person, and must decide whether he can trust the enemy he knows best. A story of grey-tinged loyalty, the silver of trust in the darkness, the agony of courage, the unexpected richness of secrets, and the vast unknown of survival.

Walking the Line by SilentAuror (179k)

Sixth year is over and Draco Malfoy is on the run. The war is on and an unwanted assignment is forced upon him by the only people he trusts - and a one-time arch-enemy just may be out to kill him.

Bad Faith by jad (224k)

Four years after Dumbledore's death, Draco Malfoy shows up on the doorstep of number twelve, Grimmauld Place looking for Harry Potter. Torn between his own self-preservation and his family's pride, Draco finds himself alone on a battlefield and has nowhere else to turn; and Harry has to learn that sometimes you don't put up walls to keep other people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

The Eighth Tale by lettered (12k)

Draco Malfoy tries to fix the past, but instead mucks it up some more. For Harry, it all becomes quite clear.

The Hush of War by @lol-zeitgeistic (351k)

Voldemort has made a bargain with Harry to stop killing muggles and muggle-borns (when at all possible, of course) in exchange for Harry's cooperation. While Harry thinks he's using the time to find a way to defeat the Dark Lord, he will realize that Voldemort is always one step ahead, and so long as he isn't killing anyone...what's the big deal? He has bigger things to worry about now, anyway. Includes dementors, pureblood culture, the prophecy, what exactly happened with Lily's sacrifice, magical breakthroughs, children Death Eaters, and portraits of family. Final pairing: H/D. Sequel to Black, in the Smothering Dark.

Brave Though The Stars They Make Me by @dwell-the-brave (108k)

After the events at the end of his Sixth Year, Draco Malfoy has been kept all but prisoner in his childhood home, Malfoy Manor. Alone, terrified, and desperate for some way out, he begins to have strange dreams - dreams of Harry Potter. Are they a trick of his mind? Or are they a way to change his fate, and a chance at redemption?

A Slight Inclination by @jilliancares (48k)

When Harry Potter is ten years old he accidentally winds up in Knockturn Alley, where he runs into a man named Lucius Malfoy. Harry is thus thrust into the wizarding world and makes his first ever friend, Draco Malfoy. Years later, Harry is on the hunt for horcruxes with his most trusted friends, Draco, Ron, Blaise, Hermione, and Pansy. Still, being in love with his best friend is bound to make their mission a little bit more difficult, isn't it?

Paradox series by kerfuffling (84k + 34k)

Thanks to a clever bit of magic and the help of an old acquaintance, Draco is given the chance to relive his years at Hogwarts with the knowledge of what exactly is in store for the future. However, when things tumble out of Draco's grasp, he finds himself losing his memories of the life he's already led as everything takes a startling turn away from what he'd always assumed to be his destiny. - Just because Draco's somehow gotten himself involved in Potter's suicide mission to defeat the Dark Lord doesn't mean he has to go quietly and actually act like a Gryffindor fool. And sure, he and Potter have some sort of relationship going on, but Draco's still a Slytherin, and he's going to bring his own brand of cunning to this cockamamy fool camping trip Potter's gone and got himself stuck in trying to save the world from evil lockets, gingers, and badly cooked food.

Death Comes for Us All by @lumosatnight (5k)

Burying his face in Draco’s hair, he can smell the smoke from the cigarette, can taste the ashes lingering in his mouth. Harry finds it comforting, a reminder that Draco has seen his worst and still chooses to stay.

Secrets by Vorabiza (395k)

Beginning with Draco's unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry's summer after sixth year becomes filled with activity and many secrets. As his summer progresses, Harry generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side. H/D post-HBP ~~Complete~~

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #drarry reclist #draco malfoy #drarry fic recs #my recs #fic recs #hpdm #harry potter #horcrux hunting

[iheartchv]

🍬 No Strings Attached 🍬 pt. 1?

For @turtle-babe83 s Trick or Kink event. I wanted to do something... special...😈 Hopefully this will give y'all some delicious thoughts of my bayverse AU Dark Turtles (I also tried to keep them short b/c i dont remember the limit for words/pics in posts) I might write a part 2 to give this story an ending, if I find time 🤭

18+ only... reader is female ( female parts mentioned )

October isnt just a month of Halloween or all things spooky... its also the mating season for turtles... of ANY kind ...😈🐢💙❤💜🧡

A/N: this can be taken as whether you already do/dont know about the mating season, but Don researched and told his brothers about it after going a year through it already. They also aren't wearing their gear/nothing heavy and hard to maneuver. Their lair is below the abandoned warehouse by the docks ( New York Bay ), built by Don.

One random day in October, you decided to make some eats for the clone boys. Not only because it was nice and you were friends with them for a few years, but because you wanted to spend some alone time with your crush ( Lee/Raph/Don/Mike). You two have a 'no strings attached' agreement going on, and that was fine with him. You were fine with it, too, since you didn't have sights on anyone but it was hard to not feel guilty for using him like that... You've had sex a time or two, and while it was nice you wanted something more

Mike x Reader

"Mike?"

It was strange to not be greeted by the giant yellow turtle. He would usually say 'hey' with glee and pick you up, twirling around with you in his arms like a ragdoll. Not today, though. Where was everyone?

You silently wandered the dark turtle hideout, listening and looking for any sign of the clones. You thought you heard something above you. You went up the steel stairs that led to the top floor of the abandoned warehouse. What you saw made your heart skip a beat (and almost dropping the food).

Mike was sprawled out on the ground, making noises like he was in pain. His eyes were closed. And his hand pumped his schlongness. The size make your eyes bug out. Heat flushed your cheeks and all the way to your ears. Seeing him do this sent lightning straight to your core. Yeah, it was true you had a crush on him and you both weren't officially dating yet, but it felt awkward and weird; heavy touching and kissing was all that was between you and him.

Suddenly his eyes opened, his usual bright blue eyes was an amber color, dimmed and glossy... and dilated. His nostrils were flared and he was breathing heavily. He sat up, ingnoring his ginormous hard on.

"Y/N! W-what are you...?"

"I'm sorry I disturbed you. I'll just-" you quickly stuttered as you sat the bag down and turned around to head back downstairs. You were then wrapped around your waist by his long tongue, pulling you toward him. "Mike, let me go!"

His three clawed hand grabbed your hip, holding you there. "No can do, babes. You're not getting away... Besides, I know you liked it." He smiled a toothy grin. "I can smell you... and you smell so delicious... I've always wondered what you taste like."

He licked his lips. You shivered and squeezed your thighs to try to ease the ache. He took your mouth with his, kissing you like usual. His growls vibrated through your body, making you moan into him.

In a flash you had your bottoms torn off, your legs spread, and Mike's long tongue slithered inside you. Your aching walls clenched around it as he slid in and out, brushing against all your sensitive spots. The tip of his tongue brushed your cervix because he was so deep. His mouth encircled your mound, groaning as your essence trickled down his tongue.

"Mmmmm~ Mmmmike~~" You wanted to tell him to stop for a minute but it felt too good. Moans and whimpers were all that you could let out. Your body wriggled and moved, wanting to buck your hips and grind into Mike's mouth. You could tell that your climax was going to be mindblowing.

"Mike!~~~"

"Yeah, scream for me, y/n. You look so cute when you scream my name. Keep going, baby."

Sure enough your body exploded, your throat letting out the loudest and high pitched cry you ever made. The orgasm was so glorious you swore you had died and went to heaven. You breathed in shaky breaths trying to calm yourself.

"God, babes, you taste so sweet... and creamy..." His voice lowered into a purr as he lavished in your scent. He couldn't deny the throbbing tightness of his cock anymore, he had to be in you now. "I hope you're ready for round 2 ... or 3, because I'm not gonna stop until all your insides are painted white."

Let's just say that you weren't going to feel like walking for a week....

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Don x Reader

"I got food." Silence. "Don? Anyone?"

Anyone not running for food was weird. But what was weirder was recieving a message from Don saying that you shouldn't come over for at least 1 week. You sat down food for the other 3 while you carried some for Don. There were times when he didn't come out of lab that someone had to drag him out to just eat. This might as well be one of those times.

You opened the steel door that led down to a basement. Softly you tread the steps, listening for any signs of life. You then heard a faint groan. Did he hurt himself?

"Don! Are you-"

You couldn't finish your sentence. Your mouth hung open at the sight of the tall purple turtles body frame leaning against a wall while his hand pumped his boner. The moans that echoed bounced back to you vibrated your body and sent tingles to your core. Heat crept up to your cheek and ears, and you could've swore that he heard your heart pounding in your chest.

"You shouldn't have come here..." he said in a husky breath. He didnt even look up at you.

"Well, I didn't want you to starve..."

"Unbelievable. Can't even take the hint..." he mumbled.

You heard bits of what he was saying. It ticked you off. You placed your hands on your hips and asked,"Are you calling me stupid? Say it to my face." You were then grabbed by his tail and pushed against the wall, making you be at eye level with him.

His eyes were a darker amber than usual. They seemed to glow which made him look predatory. You can hear his heavy breathing, and he was so close you could feel it fan toward you.

"Yeah, I'm calling you stupid because you obviously don't understand the message I sent you."

The tone of his voice let you know that he was agitated and probably sexually frustrated. You looked away from him with a pout. "I just didn't want you to starve..." you said in lowered voice.

One of Don's claws turned your head back to him. What he said, and how he said it so seductively, made your body heat up. "Food is the last thing on my mind... as you can see..." he replied as he took his member in hand and gave it a few pumps, letting out a growl like moan. You felt yourself getting wet. Don nuzzled into the side of your neck and started leaving kisses and firm nips.

"Aahhhh~ D-Don~" you breathlessly whimpered as you felt his tongue lick your skin. He knew what this did to you. Your body shivered under his touch, and you bucked your hips, hinting that you were aroused.

Don switched from rubbing your covered sex with his finger and his hard dick. He loved the sounds you made; it made him even harder. He had an idea and walked with you in his arms to his chair. He put you down for a moment, and came back with a bottle of lube.

"Strip."

You did as he said, and then he motioned for you to straddle his lap. After telling you to prepare your back door entrance, he lubed up the end of his tail and slowly entered your other tight hole. Pain washed over you but it was soon overtaken by pleasure as he lightly teased your clit. Your moans were loud but you didnt care at this point if anyone heard.

"Yes, thats my good girl, my pet. Your taking it so well" he lowly purred in your ear.

Once you were dripping wet and so ready, Don took you on quite a ride. 😏

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Raph x Reader

"Hello? Anyone here?"

Usually there would be someone around to greet you (it was usually Mike), but there was no one around. And it was quiet... until you heard some grunting. It was Raph, and it sounded like it came from the training area in the back of the warehouse. You figured that he was probably letting off some steam and wanted to give him some food.

"Hey, Red, I just wanted to drop... some... food... off"

Your heart skipped a beat and heat colored your cheeks at what your eyes beheld. This burly red turtle was sitting a makeshift bench definitely blowing off steam... but not in the way you expected. You've never seen Raph jerk off before. Seeing his monstrous sized cock sent a shockwave through your body and your insides clench.

"Y/n..." he deeply moaned, pumping his hard on up and down at a steady pace. He was dirty talking to himself about what he wanted to do to you. Hearing him say those things heightened your arousal. You sat the food aside and played with your breasts, imagining they were his hands. You closed your eyes and got lost in the moment.

"Raph~"

After letting out a moan, you had startled Raph. He tried to cover himself with a towel, even if it didn't help to cover the "tent" so to speak. "What do you think you're doing? You shouldn't even be here," he asked. He was flustered, and you thought it was cute. You came up to him and replied,"I want you. I want you to do what you said."

You stripped your clothes, tossed the towel to the side, and straddled his lap. His erection nestled between your legs and between your cheeks. He took the hint and pressed his lips to yours, almost devouring your lips. During the heated makeout, his hands held your hips, moving you back and forth on him. You felt the hardened flesh and veins rubbing against you, making you wet and coating the topside of his dick.

"Oh, god, Raph~"

You felt it rubbing over your clit. He was bringing you so close to the edge. You brought his head down to your breasts, sucking and licking your nipples in his hot mouth. You leaned your head back and mewled as heat coursed through your body.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Cum for me, kitten. I want you to be soaking wet for me." he growled near your ear, gently scraping his sharp teeth over your shoulder. That tipped you over the edge. A cry of pleasure echoed off the walls as your orgasm took hold of you. You leaned into his plastron and enjoyed the high... before you were on your back, widespread on the edge of the bench, and just the tip of Raph's dick probed and teased your entrance.

As he entered you, you gasped at how he stretched you and how full you already felt. Once he was as far as he could go, he pulled back and gave an upward thrust. You clenched the sides of the bench and your toes curled at the ecstasy you felt flowing through you. "Ooohhh, Raph~"

"Good kitten, take me so deep baby..."

Lee x Reader

You went further down into the lair because no one was at the main warehouse. They were probably in their rooms. You decided to leave a small container of food by their doors for them to get it whenever they felt hungry; surely they could smell the food drift in from under the door. However when you came to Lee's door, you heard some noise coming from inside his room.

"Lee?"

You pressed your ear to the door to listen. You heard deep moans... the ones you've heard probably a few times. Your heart beat against your chest, heat blooming down in your lower belly. You breathed in and out trying to calm yourself, and then knocked on the door.

"Lee, I got you some-"

The door was opened and you were quickly pulled in. Just as quickly it was opened the door was closed and locked. Lee stood between you and his door, staring down at you with predatory amber eyes.

"Do you know what you were doing?" he gruffed.

"Yeah, getting you something to eat." You were going to need, is what you were going to say but kept it to yourself.

"Those idots brothers of mine could've dragged you with them, knowing full well that you're mine."

The tightness of his black pants hugged not only those muscled thighs that were drool worthy, but the bulge there as well. You could tell he was gettting off because of his irregular breathing and dark eyes. Thr blue turtle turned you around and pressed your backside against his hard body. He then glides his hands down your sides while nuzzling and kissing the side of your neck.

"Lee~"

He whispered near your ear,"I'll forgive you this time, because..." He took a deep inhale of your scent and gave a growly groan. "I've tried jerking off, to get you out of my mind, but it wasn't enough... I want you, to be deep inside you and claim you as mine... over and over"

He teased you, touching your bare skin and setting it aflame, barely grazing over your most sensitive places. He wanted to hear you cry and whimper. After stripping you of your clothes he sat down on his bed with you in his lap. Lee let his member spring free and rest against his lower plastron. He then ran his hands down your back, one going all the way down to your inner thighs.

"Aaahh~" you gasped as his finger lightly brushed over your nether region. "Feels good, doesnt it?" He teased and then went back to work, teasing your bud and slit, trying to get you so soaking wet; he already knew you were aroused which was why he had to drag you in earlier.

"Lee~ More~" you whined as he stopped touching you, grinding your hips down into him. You heard him hiss and let out a moan that made your insides clench. His finger then slid inside you, stretching you and feeling how wet you were for him for a moment.

"I want to taste you"

You were then laying on your back, with Lee between your legs and proceeded to eat you out. It all felt so good. Everything was just a blur until you reached your climax. Patience wasn't really his thing so after a brief moment, he turned you over with your head down on the bed and your bottom up.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"I'm going to f*** you so good and fill you up with my cum... and you're going to take every last drop"

@turtle-babe83 @tmntspidergirl @leosgirl82 @angelcatlowyn @annaliaandtheturtles @pheradream15 @exovapor @cowabunga-doll @bluesakurablossom @crazedauthor @darksaphire2002 @foreignbrunette @greenprincess @half-shell-bo @lady-maria-the-wolf225 @moonlightflower21 @narwals14 @nikitaboeve @nittleboo @raphaelsrightarm @southernblossoms @thelostandforgottenangel @white-masked-beauty @roxosupreme @kawaiibunga @captain-kinda-trash @angelicdavinci @thelaundrybitch @yumefuusen @sivy-chan @artsolarsash @crazedtmnt @raisin-shell @sacredwarrior88 @leosgirl82 @egg-on-the-run @ashleighclark98 @mysticboombox

Im sorry if you didnt want to be tagged, please let me know to take you off my list

#tmnttrickorkink #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2016 #tmnt 2014 #tmnt dark turtles #dark turtles #tmnt au #dark turtles au

[albatris]

Hiii tell me all about Nat I love him sm

:D!!!

Hi hello! Absolutely I can tell you about Nat! I’m glad you like him and thank you for the question!!

Here is a big ol' chunk of words, some bits I've nabbed from other posts, too :3

Nathaniel Felix Finch, a good boy, a sweet boy! He’s the protagonist of our silly little horror trilogy, much to his dismay

He’s 25 years old and works at Stop ‘N’ Go 24/7 Petrol and Convenience, where he is prone to falling asleep on the register and shoplifting (both encouraging it and participating in it <3). He’s a bit of a hermit, not because he doesn’t want friends, but because he’s awkward, anxious and paranoid. He’s got schizotypal personality disorder like me, so it’s tough for him to engage with the world and feel comfortable

His story kicks off when he wakes up on the side of the road in his rental car covered in dirt with no memory of the past nine days. All attempts to return to regular life are quickly thwarted when it becomes apparent he’s turning into something inhuman and ravenous. He spends a week in agony and coughing up blood and almost passing out in public and being starving and existing in constant sensory overload… which reaches a gory climax when he kills and eats someone in a botched robbery of his petrol station and he's like Ah Fuck Apparently I’m A Vampire Somehow And I Just Ripped Someone’s Throat Open I’m Going To Go Have A Panic Attack Now

He is yoinked from mortal peril by shifty fucking bastard with a mile long list of ulterior motives perfectly ordinary kind selfless human person Quinn Cooper, and a bonkers plot ensues <3 Book one mostly sees Nat struggling with his new condition and trying to figure out what happened in his blackout and why he got vampired, and slowly uncovering the grim secrets Quinn is hiding. Book two and three wander into more “Nat Finch Is Going To Kill And Eat Vampire God (The Garble)” territory

What to say about Nat… hm…

He’s an excited, friendly, cuddly lad, if you can get past his layers upon layers of anxiety! He loves people although he’s afraid of them, and believes people are good and that he can do good in the world. He’s prone to bouts of depression and apathy on occasion, though, and especially struggles to balance his kind, gentle nature with the fact that he now has to eat people to survive. He's got a big existential crisis coming hahahaha

He loves animals! He regularly donates to wildlife charities despite not having that much money to begin with, and used to volunteer at a cat café for rescue cats (with Yvonne, another of our main characters!), and only stopped due to his social anxiety. He has a sweet little rescue kitty named Grub, who's just the scrungliest ugliest thing you've ever seen (he'll cry if he hears you say that, though). He's been a vegetarian since he was 17, and still considers himself one despite the fact that he's now an entire vampire who preys on humans. So you get like..... bits in the story where Nat drains some guy like a capri sun then the next day is like "no I can't come to check out the new Korean BBQ place with you Quinn I'm a vegetarian :((( you'll have to take someone else :((("

He's also a good cook and especially loves cooking for other people and sharing meals! This is one of the most common ways he shows affection :3 If Nat drills you about your favourite food and offers to cook it for you sometime, this means he wants to be friends :-) Most of his dishes are vegetarian, but if he really, really likes you he’ll cook meat as long as you ask nicely

He loves to be useful! He’ll gladly rush around and help with errands or putting furniture together or organising things. If you tell him you appreciate him or he did a good job he will bask in that compliment for weeks like a golden retriever that’s just been told it’s a good boy haha

Tragically he can be a bit of a doormat, especially at the start of the story. Though he pretended to be fine with his solitary lifestyle and loneliness, he’s always desperately wanted connection and friendship, and this makes him prone to letting people take advantage of him or manipulate him.... purely because at least that way he feels "useful", and they're more likely to keep him around...... he improves a lot on this front, though, so don't fret! We get to see the lad's self-esteem improve! He initially doesn't really like himself that much, but the story gets to see him come into his own and find his values and worth....! He's a good, kind, intelligent person with a lot to offer, he just takes a while to figure it out!

Oh also he's a huuuuge drama queen and is completely willing to play up being sad and pathetic to get what he wants <3 this is an important Nat Fact to know

Hmmmmm.......... what else......

So, it becomes clear as the story goes on, he’s not exactly a regular vampire… he can access a lot more of the Garble hivemind’s power than other vampires can, which left unchecked can result in an overload of power affectionately referred to as Monster Mode Nat :P a big ol’ body horror vampire creecher! Violent and aggressive and jumpy, out of control. It’s usually a state of intense fear for him, something that occurs when he’s in very dire straits, when he or his friends are threatened, etc etc… a Nat too far in Protector Mode, basically, that can easily become dangerous even for the people he's meant to be defending. He is still able to recognise Friends, though it takes him more effort, but struggles to make sense of unfamiliar people as anything other than resources, food or threats

As far as regular vampire Nat in the day-to-day goes, he's prone to all the usual vampire instincts. He’s got extra anxiety and paranoia and jumpiness on top of what he already had, he's got that usual insatiable insufferable vampire curiosity, he loves to bask and be cosy and snuggle with friends. He can purr and it's extremely cute. He has a moderate to severe allergic reaction to sunlight though it won't kill him immediately, he struggles with garlic much to his despair as a cook, n he has an extremely high prey drive that he has to work very hard to manage

Oh and Nat mostly preys on rich pricks and abusive bosses, as well as the occasional creeps at bars, which is very valid of him <3

Anyway yeah! This has been Nat Posting with Monday! I hope you have enjoyed these Nat Facts <3

#yoinked some of this from other previous nat posts #:D #a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears #nat

[scotts-takes]

Top Songs from Enstars 2023

Number 2- Crazy Anthem

Before we get started- have you ever been as sad about something in your life as Kohaku was at the start of this song when his Sandwich fell?

Crazy Anthem is both a gift and a curse. It was our first Climax event, and thus set the template for things to follow. Unfortunately, Happy Element decided to put their best foot forward... and none of the other climax videos have been able to stand up to Crazy Anthem. Sure, many of them are detailed with large sets and tell a story, but none of them are like Crazy Anthem.

The first set is the "clubhouse", where we stay for 30 seconds, to see how bored Rinne is, how hungry Kohaku is, and to see Himeru grab the keys. If you look around, there is a ton of detail in this set- you have all the bottles of alcohol in the bar area, you have all the photos on the map on the wall, you have a variety of plants, you have the tropical exterior visable through the windows- simply put, this small area would have been a perfectly reasonable setting for an entire MV in the first 2 years of Music. So for us to only spend 30 seconds here really shows how ambitious this is.

We then get to the primary setting for the video, which is the car. We get to see different weather effects, passage of time via sun position, and we get to see the various characters singing. This, more than anything else in Enstars, feels the most like a real music video, something you could easily see a variety of music acts doing. We get various timelapses of them stopping at places, as well as them "hanging out" in the car. In many cases, we get unique positions and poses for the characters that don't get repeated- Kohaku sitting on the door with his feet inside the car, Rinne straddiling the door with his legs outside, etc.

The video keeps going. We get timelapse style, lower framerate sections of them going shopping, going to the arcade, and watching a sunset over a beach, them driving at night, before we finally return back to our starting point.

The video itself is a masterpiece. I think the Ra*bits video for Climax is a "better" video with a lot more to break down, but i think that song kinda sucks, while Crazy Anthem is incredible. I felt that the Climax videos got toned down as we went on, so I'm hoping that SOMETHING next year can get back to this level!

#ensemble stars #rinne amagi #kohaku oukawa #mv analysis #crazy:b #Rinne amagi doesn't wear a seatbelt

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My weekly roundup CW 17

I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking in relation to the previous week on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists!). These are just my personal opinions and preferences.

And yes, this may contain spoilers!

→ 1. The Eighth Sense (9+10/10 Final)

Phew. How should I sum up my feelings about it? Korea has a knack for good stories, for me, anyway. And this story is definitely one of my favorites and one of the best I've seen so far. And you can tell it's leaning more towards western television. You can notice the Skam notation and also a bit of the Young Royals setting. But what about the last episodes? I knew there was going to be a happy ending because I was spoilered thanks to MDL, since the movie has already aired in Korea. Nonetheless, for me the journey is the destination, I also like to spoil myself on purpose sometimes. Because while I knew it would end well, I didn't know what the journey would be like. And the way was so beautiful! JaeWon is slowly realizing that his life belongs to him and he won't be better off if he excludes JiHyun from it. He worries so much about not hurting others, about what he thinks is good for others, without looking at what the others might want. He hurts JiHyun much more by avoiding him and excluding him from his life, and he's starting to realize that. And yes, in the end they meet again and this reunion climaxes in such an unbelievably great kiss and a night where both of them can hardly sleep because they can't stop looking at each other and finally enjoying each other's closeness. And JaeWon is completely absorbed in the role of "it's now or never, you only live once and screw everyone else". He's with JiHyun and he doesn't give a shit who knows it all then. And the message of it all: they don't know if they'll make it and stay together, but that doesn't stop them from trying anyway, giving themselves a chance and believing in something positive. It's worth allowing some happiness and love in your life. I am thrilled by this series. The only thing that bothered me a bit was the "reconciliation" with EunJi and TaeHyung.

↑ 2. My Story (3/10)

I was so looking forward to the next episode. Not necessarily because of the good acting of the main couple or their chemistry, but because of Zeke and Fifth! I got a really bad second-couple-syndrome! They're just so cute together, even though I really didn't need the close-ups of their feet! But Fifth was jealous! Ahhhh! And makes no bones about finding men attractive. What's going on with the main couple? I don't know. They briefly didn't interest me after the kissing-after-puking moment…that wasn't romantic that was gross!

Yes, I might be lowkey obsessed with them...

☼ 3. Happy Merry Ending (1+2/8)

Korea is coming up big this year with plots that deal with social anxiety and depression. I'm curious to see how this will be implemented here. In the first episode, we definitely learned that SeungJun has trauma and is medicated in that regard. It seems to be an important, central theme. Especially as a wedding singer who only dares to perform wearing sunglasses because he's afraid of the looks of the audience. And in return, we have JaeHyun who can fit in well with groups and new environments. I love JaeHyun already! He's so obviously hit hard with SeungJun and I love it! He is so direct and wants to spend time with him. Oh love at first sight! Love it!

☼ 4. La Pluie (1/12)

La Pluie surprised me. I didn't think the story would pick me up like that in the first episode. Yes, the concept of going deaf when it rains and only being able to hear your soulmate's voice (even if he's not present but telepathic) takes some getting used to, but I honestly found it quite cute. And yes, love at first sight is also a little favorite of mine. So Tai goes deaf but can hear his soulmate's voice in his head when it rains. However, he has mostly refused to answer him so far because he doesn't believe in soulmates or love. After all, his parents, who were also supposed to be soulmates, divorced each other. That changed his view of love. But his first encounter with the person behind the voice in his head perhaps showed him, what he might miss, if he doesn't reach out already. And as a second couple, we have an enemies-to-lovers story! I am excited!

↓ 5. Our Dining Table (4/10)

Yutaka's brother is just an asshole. But he couldn't help it as a child/teenager, but the parents could have said something. It's so easy to say you're part of the family now and then just ignore when the son bullies the adopted son like that. I want to box him and the parents. And Minoru wants to know so much more about Yutaka. He's so on his way to totally falling in love with Yutaka and his sensitive nature. And he's so sweet and insecure about it. I'm happy if Yutaka can open up to him a little bit.

↓ 6. A Boss And A Babe (9/12)

Yeah, what can I say. Gun is an idiot if he really thinks Cher betrayed him like that. And then he doesn't talk to him right away but gives him the cold shoulder first. Uncool, boss! And the friends realize that Cher was apparently a bit more serious with the boss after all. Even though they're there for him, I'm still pissed about last week. The sleepover was really nice though. Even friendships are not without drama. But it all works out in the end. Gun breaks Cher's Gameboy, but repairs it right away because of his bad conscience. But that's it for the drama, at least between Cher and Gun, right?

↑ 7. The Promise (7/10)

Party, my man! He has really thought, if you can not, Phu, then I'll show you how it's done right! Well, the result was rather so devastating, but I love how Nan reacted! As a person who has witnessed both sides, I think Nan gave the best reaction possible. He showed Party and told him that he is important to him and is and will be his best friend. And Party can now so slowly detach himself from the feeling. It is indeed easier to do such a thing when it is spoken out. Well and Phu…I even understand him. He just has zero hopes, so why jeopardize the friendship? Even though Nan took every opportunity to touch Phu's face in the morning…You can apply sunscreen several times, come on I'll show you. Yeah, right! The two of them have to finally talk to each other. And of course Phu isn't Nan's best friend anymore, because Nan doesn't consider him a friend anyway, he just doesn't quite understand yet what Phu actually is to him. Good episode.

↓ 8. Naked Dining (3/10)

Ohhhh, Futa is jealous! You can tell already very much that the two like each other a bit much. And finally the naked dining was back! And also with the homemade food he made together with Mahori. Yes, this is a rather quiet series as well. I don't know how much drama we can expect, but so far it's a gentle sprinkling. And I'm permanently hungry by the time I'm done with the episodes…

↓ 9. Step By Step (2/12)

Hm. I don't know. I don't like Jeng? And all the colleagues just suck! And then Pat is supposed to leave the only one who is nice to him and who is on the same page with him alone, because there might be gossip? That's bullshit! So I found the second episode not quite as convincing. The friends, on the other hand, except for the slip of his friend, who met professionally with his ex, I still find great!

↓ 10. Our Skyy 2 (3+4/16)

I really wanted to like it. But shit, was it boring! It's a fireworks display of cheesy dialogue…And what kind of ring is that? Am I just too anti-romantic to find that beautiful? I mean, yes, cute, sunflower and star together, but that's too much for a ring…And I have an idea for a new drinking game: A shot every time one of the two says I love you! And finally the cringiest quotes...

"Dao, you're trusting the right person, because I no longe know how to love anyone else. You're the only one I love." "Will you eat breakfast first or eat me first?" "I am all yours, Kluen. Yours and yours only, Kluen." "Once our home is done, our parents will discuss our wedding plans." (Even though Kluen didn't ask and Dao couldn't say yes…)

→ 11. Tin Tem Jai

I took notes: Why did a series like Tin Tem Jai have to include a drug storyline? There was no resolution to the story whatsoever, except that Kana would hit Pao if he took drugs again. Problem solved…Wow! Screw Pao's problems, they'll take care of themselves! Next, I noted: Why does Tin continue to be portrayed as this little boy. That just feels wrong to me. And again, I ask myself the question, how old is Tin supposed to be? And further, you guys can just kiss like that. You don't have to wait until your birthday. The whole kissing contact just doesn't feel good. There's just too much riding on the fact that Park is so much older and more experienced than Tin. I am constantly confused and not feeling good. Luckily next epsiode will be the last one! Finally!

#weekly wrap up #weekly update #josi watching bl #sunday charts #the eighth sense #my story the series #happy merry ending #la pluie #our dining table #a boss and a babe #the promise #naked dining #step by step the series #our skyy 2 #tin tem jai #bl drama #bl series #just my opinion

[edge-oftheworld]

Apple Music interview

“[There’s an] eerily similar melancholy,” Luke Hemmings tells Apple Music, comparing his sophomore album, boy, to his 2021 debut, When Facing the Things We Turn Away From. “And that really propelled the emotion of boy and these seven songs. A lot of the stuff I write is very existential and trying to understand who I am and why I am. At this time, I was very disorientated and maybe a bit emotionally lost, even though life was moving forward in a really great way.”

The two albums were conceived and recorded in vastly different circumstances. His debut came together in isolation under the cloak of COVID lockdowns, while boy was written as he toured the world with 5 Seconds of Summer, the Sydney band the singer/guitarist co-founded as a 15-year-old in 2011. Still, the pair have much in common: turns out you can feel just as alone spending months traversing the globe as you can sitting in your house waiting for the world to open up.

Part of the reason for that disorientation was the dawning realisation that he was entering his late twenties, leading Hemmings to reflect deeply on his youth while considering a potential future as a father. “You want to be the most fully realised version of yourself before stepping into that sort of role, which is a work in progress,” he explains.

Taking inspiration from artists such as Damon Albarn, Beach House, LCD Soundsystem and Richard Ashcroft, boy exhibits a dreamlike quality, one that bathes in melancholy without ever sinking into depression—witness the way in which opener “I’m Still Your Boy” builds from a whispered acoustic beginning into a grandiose and uplifting climax; or the sad-happy mélange of synths and dance beats that propel “Close My Eyes”. Here, Hemmings takes Apple Music through boy, track by track.

“I’m Still Your Boy” “This song really encompasses the ache I wanted to get across and the growing pains it took to become a fully realised adult version of myself. It’s only until I started thinking of having children of my own that I began reflecting on the struggles I had myself as a teenager who grew up in the public eye. This song is about understanding my youth that was marred with trauma amidst beauty, whilst trying to become a good man. ‘I’m Still Your Boy’ walks on the high wire between boyhood and adulthood, looking both ways.”

“Shakes” “‘Shakes’ was written on a dreary evening in between long periods of travel and touring, so it easily came from an incredibly melancholy place. A feeling of yearning to be back home, of feeling lonely and emotionally desperate and depleted. There is a longing for love and self-acceptance in the lyrics, and I hope it to be a song that anyone listening [to] can find themselves in and attach their own story.”

“Benny” “This song is named after my brother, Ben, but in its entirety, it represents all of my loved ones and the guilt I feel being away from my family and living on the periphery of their world. It represents the mornings I wake up in a panic, anxious and worried that today will be the day I get bad news. News that would make my dreams of making music seem infantile and pointless. I’d do anything for the people I love.”

“Close My Eyes” “I wrote ‘Close My Eyes’ as I headed into my late twenties and felt an unavoidable wave of fear and anxiety towards the inevitable death of my youth. I found myself unable to sleep because every time I tried, it was as if a film of my life was projected onto the back of my eyelids—the mistakes, successes, everything that could have been and everything that was. I was sonically trying to tap into 2000s indie rock bands like LCD Soundsystem and The Rapture.”

“Garden Life” “I had the idea for ‘Garden Life’ when I couldn’t sleep in a hotel room somewhere in the world, sometime around 3am. The next morning, I went for a walk and wrote the lyrics on a park bench, watching life pass me by. It’s really just an existential love song to my happiest and safest place. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realised that sometimes the most beautiful and visceral memories in life are not the most grand and obvious ones, they can be simple and powerful. It’s not always the fireworks on New Year’s Eve. Sometimes it’s a Friday night sitting on the couch listening to your favourite person laugh.”

“Close Enough to Feel You” “This song was inspired by sounds from Cocteau Twins and my bloody valentine, who I listened to heavily during the making of boy. The beauty in ‘Close Enough to Feel You’ is all in the details, both sonically and lyrically. Sometimes when you suffer a big emotional loss, something so mundane and otherwise unnoticed can become earth-shattering. A glimpse of a photo out of the corner of your eye, a stain on the carpet, an old sweater, sends you into the foetal position. This song is about the willingness and desire to live in that pain in order to feel close to who or what you lost, rather than moving on.”

“Promises” “‘Promises’ was the song written for the EP that finally made me feel like I was really onto something. It started with merely a drum beat, which I find ironic as I’m not a drummer. But I think maybe it’s that naïveté that led to this song being created. It’s about a time in my life when I saw the world through grey-coloured glasses. I was a pessimist, struggling with depression and my mental health, who fell in love and started to see colour for the first time.”

#luke hemmings #boy ep #5sos #5 seconds of summer #copied this over on my phone sorry for the lack of formatting #he’s thinking about having kids 🥹🥹 #I’m still your boy #shakes #benny #close my eyes #garden life #close enough to feel you #promises

[second-string-loser]

Being Different and You're the Heart analysis

So like most bylers I am totally in awe of the paralellism found in the painting scene and mikes monologue scene that @causeineedu pointed out and analyzed recently. The key element that they had discovered was that by layering the two music tracks from these scenes on top of one another, it creates a full and complete sounding song. However while listening to the layered tracks for literally hours I managed to come up with my own interpretation for specifically the way that these two scores, both separately and together, manage to paint the story of Mike and his feelings for Will and El over the years.

Separately, the two tracks are present in the two most climactic moments of Mike's story in Volume 2. They are the peaks of his two most meaningful relationships, they represent Will and El respectively. Being Different is longer, more consistent, and much more calming in the sounds that are used. While You're the Heart is incredibly quiet for most of its duration, slowly building to a climax before quickly disipating as a synth track creates a sense of anxiety as it builds in the background.

Here's a picture of the sound map for both songs (being different on the top and You're the Heart on bottom) so you can sort of see what i mean when i say those two descriptions instead of just trusting me.

But when you listen to the songs layered on top of one another with the idea that each song represents their respective relationships, you can sort of envision a storyline taking place as the song progresses.

First, when you layer the songs by aligning the endings (which is the way that op of the original theory did), Being Different plays for almost a full minute before You're the Heart starts. Wills song plays for longer in the beginning because it's true to real life, Mike knew Will for many many years before El came into his life. This song is longer because this relationship has more history.

Then, when You're the Heart finally does begin to play it remains almost totally unnoticeable for another forty seconds before the musical elements of this track start to peek through the consistent white noise that finds itself behind Being Different. El comes into Mikes life and is not suddenly the most important thing to him. (despite what a certain monologue would like us to think ahem) It is shown repeated thoroughly in season one that Mike's first and only goal is getting Will back. Will is at the forefront of his mind so even though El is present, Mike's focus remains on Will and the song we hear most is Being Different.

Around 1:45 the music of El's track finally becomes noticeable, but still relatively quiet compared to the way Will's track overwhelms. In season two Mike, as he always does, has one storyline concerning El, and another Will. While it's important to him that he gets El back and he is constantly making an effort to find her, once Will is in danger he does not hesitate to spend all hours of every day making sure Will is okay. Mike is now learning just how fond he is of both of these people, two people he really wants in his life, but overall most of his time in this season is spent with Will, keeping Will safe. Will's track overpowers this section of the music, but El is still here. El matters to Mike now, and it is not unnoticed.

At 2:56 an ominous synth track starts to play a few layers deep in Youre the Heart. It's a track that comes on slowly but honestly feels out of place within the rest of the otherwise calming music. It's sort of a new division between the songs, pushing its way in to show that they shouldn't be able to coexist. Mike feels as though his relationships with these two people cannot coexist, he pushes Will away in season three because that's what he believes to be necessary in order to keep his new teenage relationship working and stable.

But obviously this is not sustainable for Mike, because the two people he tries to keep separate end up closer to each other than he is with either of them, Will and El are states away together and Mike can't very well keep them in two different worlds anymore. The dissonance created by this synth track starts to become more and more until its all very disorienting. Both El and Will's tracks are quite loud at this point. Both people mean so much to Mike, he cannot and will not choose between them because he needs them both. However, with the way he has them configured in his life right now something isnt right, there is a dissonance happening, something is out of place. To be straight forward with the metaphor: there's synth music playing where synth music doesn't belong. Mikes romantic feelings for El are the synth music.

If you were to remove that slowly building synth track from You're the Heart suddenly it blends with Being Different so much better. Suddenly Mike can have both of these people in his life without it feeling overwhelming or scary.

And finally, the two songs come to a beautiful close simultaniously becuase Mike has lived a life with Will but no El, and he has also lived a life with El but no Will, but he never wants to live without either of them ever again, because they are the most important relationships in his life no matter how they exist.

Thank you for reading.

(also hey disclaimer dont come at me saying im reaching or that this probably isnt real uhhhhhh i dont fuckin care im the one who just spent three hours listening to a four minute song over and over again so shut up and let me be bonkers)

#byler #stranger things #long post #byler analysis #guys i think this is the thing that will officially classify me as a delusional byler

[ichisoarz]

Okay so today I participated in Barbieheimer together with some of my roommates and here are some of my hot takes (spoilers abound!):

Oppenheimer is not clear in what it wants to be; is it a biopic about a man who created the atomic bomb, is it a commentary on the US government regarding war, or is it a legal drama? It has elements of all three but not enough of each to satisfy me.

For all that the movie is a biopic, I feel that we spend an extremely limited time actually getting to know who Oppenheimer *is* as a person. What was his youth like, why is he disapproving of Jackie (his brother's wife), why does he continue to bring flowers to Jean, what motivated him to try to kill his professor? We get throw away lines such as "I was homesick", "I was going through a rough two-year period back then", and the sum-up of character traits when he is recruited by General Groves, but a lot of it feels distant, like Nolan just read the novel the film was based on and all the transcripts and did very little else to actually dive deep into the psychology of the man. A lot is implied or inferred of course, but I feel like so much of it is cold and unfeeling. The only good two moments of character work in my opinion were his breakdown after Jean and the whole sequence regarding Trinity, the rest feels very shallow to me personally.

Now when it comes to social commentary, the film puts itself in kind of a weird position. On the one hand it greatly criticises the US war mindset and its cruelty, which I greatly appreciated, but on the other hand it gives almost no sympathy or even acknowledgement of the victims of Oppenheimer's work. The Japanese were hardly mentioned and absolutely no mention was made of any victims of the New Mexico tests, only a throw-away like of returning the land to the natives. Now you might argue that talking about the victims is for a different movie to do, since this is a biopic about Oppenheimer, but to have almost no acknowledgement of the negative impact of his work and the people that he hurt feels weird. We spend a lot more time hearing about what a great scientist he was and much less time hearing about the devastating effects of the atomic bombs that's for sure. Like even a conversation with a survivor of testing in New Mexico that he comes across while riding, to humanise the harm he caused, that would have been great! It might be too unsubtle, but then again Truman's bit was not exactly subtle either.

Finally, the legal drama. I was fine with it when it was just the legal case regarding Oppenheimer, since it seemed to be an important part of his story, but I did not care for Strauss' part at all. To have one of the main climaxes of your story be Oppenheimer's hearing versus Strauss' while having basically the same thing happen in both, as well as Strauss' weird ass villain monologue, just did not work for me. Why did we go from an examination of Oppenheimer and the cruelty of the US war system, to some minister appointment hearing? I guess Strauss was cruel to Oppenheimer, but was this meant as some sort of karma lesson?? What was the point?

Besides those larger criticisms of the film, I also found the cuts of some scenes to just be kind of weird.

Moving on to Barbie, I really liked the movie for being a 2-hour commercial. It was fun, very self-aware (maybe a little bit too much at times), and it was gorgeously designed (set, clothing, cinematography). I have some slight issues with Barbie (much less than with Oppenheimer), but this is a hot takes post so here they are:

Obviously due to it being a commercial some things were treated in very specific ways. The Mattel guys being weird and kind of harmless in the end ("Why don't we just let things stay like this?" "Because I want to make girls' dreams some true!" Also the tickle thing) is quite obvious, along with all the things regarding the teenager.

Ooh boy the teen, poor girl. She made some very good points upon meeting Barbie, all of which immediately become less convincing when she ends it with calling Barbie a fascist. I mean the word does get used too often now by teens, but Barbie herself also only takes away fascist instead of the other very good points, sooo yeah. Also she very quickly approached Disney Channel levels of wholesomeness with her mom after going to Barbieland, she lost her style, lost her meanness and was mostly just smiling happily in the background. All of that felt kinda yikes to me lol.

Finally, I was not fully comfortable with the final resolution talk with Ken, the sheer amount of emotional labour Barbie was doing there when she herself is just discovering these things and him needing to be rejected several times from his advances all felt kinda yikes to me too.

Congrats on reading this big post if you made it this far, feel free to agree/disagree on anything, these are just my thoughts and opinions!

#barbie #barbenheimer #oppenheimer #spoilers

[writingquestionsanswered]

Later Reveal of Past Trauma

Anonymous asked: My character was neglected in childhood, but the story's main conflict is war and related smaller-scale conflicts. A friend's remark shakes the character's worldview, making him realize his upbringing was not normal. Then the war breaks out and doubles the grief of the past he never had along with the future he's now lost. He spends the rest of the story, right until the climax, running from his grief, too heavy to face. The neglect of his past is revealed later on in the story (gradually), but I'm worried the reader won't understand the core conflict until that reveal begins. How could I resolve this?

[Ask edited for length]

It sounds like your story has both an internal conflict (effects of past childhood trauma) and an external conflict (the war). Typically, in stories with both internal and external conflict, the two conflicts work together, each one informing the other. Your character's internal conflict informs how they navigate through the external conflict, and the external conflict helps to propel them through the evolution and resolution of their internal conflict. Ultimately, the moment the resolution of their internal conflict coincides with their ability to resolve the external conflict once and for all.

However, here it sounds like you have an internal conflict that is separate from your external conflict, almost like you have two different stories, and you have to be careful about that... because you don't want to kick off this interesting internal conflict (realizing childhood wasn't normal), then abandon it to kick off an interesting external conflict (the war breaking out), then abandon that to have your character running around avoiding this unexplained grief.

I think the first thing you might want to consider is why you feel it's necessary to hide the reality of this character's past trauma from the reader for so long? If you're looking for an exciting plot twist, that's not it. But there are ways you can build on the childhood trauma to create a plot twist if that's what you're looking to do. For example, if you start the reveal of the neglect as soon as the friend's remark makes them question the normality of their childhood, you can build that grief as they start to compare their childhood experiences with observations and realizations about what would have been normal instead. You can still have them run from that grief and try not to deal with it, but on some level that grief should still be lurking at the back of their mind, forcing some level of ongoing processing. And that can come at the hands of realizations and observations that occur alongside the experiences they have as they try to run from that grief. Then, maybe in that "dark night of the soul" moment ahead of the climax, you can have them discover something or learn something that turns the whole internal conflict on its ear. Like, maybe they discover some mind-blowing reason behind why the neglect happened, or some staggering discovery about the people who raised him... this is where you can find a twist. And if you can find some way to relate it to the external conflict and/or the climax, all the better.

At the very, very least, it would be important to find some way to hint at the neglect from the friend's remark onward, even if the outright reveal occurs later... and at that point, maybe the reveal comes in the form of a newly surfaced memory that illustrates just how bad the neglect was. Then it's not so much a twist but a heavy, impactful moment.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

LEARN MORE about WQA

SEE MY ask policies

VISIT MY Master List of Top Posts

COFFEE & FEEDBACK COMMISSIONS ko-fi.com/wqa

#tw neglect #tw childhood trauma #tw trauma #tw war #wqaadvice

[curestardust]

Dust Watched: Black Clover

Genres: Shounen, Fantasy (Magic), Comedy, Action // 170 episodes

Jesus Christ. It’s over. I’m free.

So... if y’all were here in the crisp old year of 2017, you’d remember “Black Clover” being a huge meme, mainly because of Asta’s VA, who was a rookie and this was his first main role and his performance was hilariously bad. So then, why did I decide to watch BC anyway? Well, I was kinda craving some traditional Shounen and it was only 50 episodes long. Quite short for a Shounen! I’ll finish it quickly and it’ll be just a nice time waster haha, right? ....Right?

I don’t know if BC garnered much more popularity than initially thought but one day, the number 50 disappeared from its episode listing and now 5 years (for me) and 170 episodes later I’m left as a husk of a human being. Worst part? It was ACTUALLY starting to get good!

✧  story  ✧

The story is your usual Shounen affair. Asta and Yuno are orphans who are found in front of a church. They grow up together in a small little village in the Forsaken Realm of Clover Kingdom. Yuno starts using his Wind magic at an early age while Asta looks like the Liver King at the age of 10 because he believes that intensely working out will “awaken” his magic. They make a vow to become the “Wizard King” and at the age of 15 they both attend the ceremony to recieve their grimoires which are spell books that help enchance ones magic abilites. You could see this as a sort of “coming-of-age” ceremony.

Grimoires have leaves on them, with 3 leaf ones being the most common. Of course, Yuno is too special for that, and he recieves a 4-leaf grimoire (meaning he has insane magical potential). Meanwhile Asta gets umm, nothing. This is when he finds out that his magic has not manifested as he has none. He gets ridiculed, falls into depression for one episode, then comes into possession of a 5-leaf grimoire. These grimoires are extremely rare and are said to contain a Devil inside them. Nevertheless Asta takes what he can get, as the grimoire also gives him the power to negate magic.

The two of them then set off for the Noble Realm to take part in the Magic Knights Entrance Exam. The Magic Knights serve under the Wizard King and getting into a squad is a feat in and of itself. Of course, Yuno joins the Golden Dawn, the most prestigious one while Asta barely gets accepted into the Black Bulls, the one everyone considers the loser/weirdo squad. This is where their story splits and we spend most of our time with Asta and the Black Bulls as they go on missions.

I don’t have any problems with the set-up itself. It’s full of Shounen cliché’s but that’s fine! Doesn’t mean you can’t make the story your own! But that’s where the problems come in. The cliché’s don’t stop. 

I went back to rewatch the OP’s as it really has been quite some time since I’ve first seen the first arcs and that’s where I realized what the problem was with this anime. Around the first 130-140 episodes are ONE story building up to an honestly pretty mid climax. There’s a big enemy but actually he has a boss who is an even stronger enemy but actually they also have a boss who is an even stronger enemy but ACTUALLY THERE’S- repeat until the end of the arc. That, plus collecting some stones are the entire plot for 75% of the runtime. It’s boring! In a bubble the fights are great; all of them need a different tactic which keeps them exciting. The fillers are absolute boredom. I know they’re a Shounen staple but just because they’re fillers doesn’t mean you can get away with no effort put into them.

Worse, the next big arc after this one is GOOD! It’s REALLY good! And I have no idea why they stopped the anime at 170 episodes because it actually ends while this arc is still very much going on. So now I’m mad. I sat through the mediocre 140 episodes of this anime to finally get something good only for them to end it right when things were starting to get exciting. I don’t know if they caught up with the manga or whatever, and I know there’s at least a movie coming out but argghhhh.

I was also going to include a VERYYY long rant of all the problems I have with the world-building but it’s not worth it. One thing I’ll mention is the class divide. Peasants are seen as worthless by not only the nobles but also the commoners as they usually have the least powerful magic. That in itself is an okay set-up. What is NOT okay is that in flashbacks we’re shown that the 1st Wizard King was trying to fight this class divide. The current Wizard King is the 28th. NOTHING changed in that amount of time. Literally, how?? What?? Let’s see, if we say each King’s rule comes out to ~30 years on average that’s almost 900 years. It’s baffling. And there are multiple other times where the worldbuilding just makes no sense similar to what I just mentioned and it ruins immersion. Worldbuilding can make or break a Fantasy story and BC’s is very much surface level. It truly comes off as the mangaka just putting out the first thing he thought of but not believing that it’ll succeed long enough to need a well established ground to stand on.

✧  characters  ✧

Ast and Yuno’s friendship/rivalry, the mainstay of all Shounen protags, is the weakest I’ve probably ever seen. Due to them being selected to different Squads and the story mainly following Asta, Yuno barely gets any character development for the majority of the series. Their only interactions is also just them fist bumping when they meet, insulting each other in a bro way, then declaring that “I’ll become the Wizard King, you’ll see!” and they go on their seperate ways until another random chance encounter 30 episodes later where the same thing happens. I have nothing else to add. It’s just underwhelming.

But you’d think the Black Bull members would be interesting enough to help carry the show as they have the most screentime after Asta but they have the same problem as the worldbuilding. They’re all 1-dimensional characters whose entire personality usually revolves around one joke that gets repeated every single damn time they’re on screen. During the fights, they basically turn into different characters. There’s a sense of character growth and introspection that allows them to bring out more of their strength; but the second we’re back into filler territory, it’s back to square 1. The writer seemingly had no idea how to make these characters interesting without their gags so their growth are a complete roller coaster. It’s very dissapointing to see a character revert back to their old behaviour after a huge fight where their characters really shined. It’s also difficult to really see the true comradery between the squad members when they’re so one note. 

The randomly appearing and disappearing characters is another big complaint of mine. Villains turned good guys not turning up again is something I can let the anime get away with as most of them aren’t from the Clover Kingdom and so have no reason to stay in the vicinity. But the Black Bulls seem to have a weirldly high number of members who literally turn up out of nowhere with no foreshadowing just to help with the plot. Most egregious case of such a character is Zora; dude basically gets an entire mini arc for himself. Gets to show off his magic, we get his backstory, character growth, how he would work well within the Black Bulls and after he joins the squad the dude basically vanishes off the face of the Earth. Bring him back! What the hell is he doing while the others are on the verge of being killed off by the new villains! What was even the point of giving him so much screentime?? 

✧  art  ✧

Honestly, BC’s general art style is just kind of unappealing to me but that’s nor here or there as I’m more interested in the quality and animation. And that is... a mixed bag. Fight scenes obviously go hard. 99% of effort went into those, as it usually does for Shounens. Filler episodes can get quite ugly though, like hilariously so. The section of the anime that doesn’t exactly keep up with these rules is the episodes right after EP50. It’s quite obvious that additional episodes were requested quite late into the runtime and so you can see a significant drop in quality just overall for every episode for quite a bit. I don’t even want to imagine the crunch the staff had to do.

On a sidenote: they should’ve hired whoever was doing the OP’s as the art director. I couldn’t figure out for the longest time why the OP’s look so good, yet when we see the same scenes in the actual anime they’re underwhelming. Then it clicked; the colour pallette! BC’s colours are very washed out which just makes it boring to look at. But the OP’s are the exact opposite. Stark colours, interesting compositions... I’m honestly on the verge of tears just thinking about how good BC would’ve looked with that style.

✧  sound ✧

So what of Asta’s VA, Kajiwara Gakuto, whose performance propelled BC into memedom with just one episode? Since then he has banked himself a few roles here and there, most impressive of which is Shinra, the MC of “Enen no Shouboutai”. His improvement cannot be understated. I didn’t even realize it was him for quite a while. And that’s all well and good but I still don’t think he should’ve been thrust into the limelight with such a difficult role as Asta. We can admire his improvement but it’s still a fact that at least the first 30 episodes of this anime still has his rookie scream-talking before he managed to find a good balance between the two. 

One thing I absolutely have no complaints of is the OP/ED songs. Shounen OP’s always go really hard and it’s no exception for BC. 

✧  overview ✧

Despite its rocky start, “Black Clover” has managed to amass a small but rabid fanbase. Or rather, for that reason. As fans’ most often cited reason for why they like BC is its Grand Improvement that it showed during its runtime. However, if I look at the big picture, while BC’s improvement is definitely worthy of praise, the anime started 10 steps behind other Shounens and, in my opinion, it only managed to claw its way up to the starting zone. An anime needing ~140 episodes to get to the level that most other Shounens START at isn’t that impressive in my eyes. Due to that, I could never find myself recommending BC to anyone. There’s just too much garbage you need to ignore til you get to the actually good part.

My Rating: 4.3/10

#dusty reviews #Black Clover #this is long as shit and honestly i could probably write twice as much if i had the energy but i just want to get away from this anime #asap pls #GOODBYE

[jenoslutie]

I posted 771 times in 2022

That's 670 more posts than 2021!

142 posts created (18%)

629 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wickedangels

@g0thjeno

@haechanitboy

I tagged 368 of my posts in 2022

#jenoslutie - 43 posts

#nabis fic recs! - 41 posts

#jenoslutie asks - 30 posts

#nct smut - 15 posts

#angelwonie &lt;3 - 13 posts

#nct dream smut - 13 posts

#nct - 11 posts

#jeno smut - 10 posts

#jaemin smut - 9 posts

#haechan smut - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 101 characters

#im pretty sure its gonna be jaemin but the member might change depending on how i end up writing this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

haechan x fem!reader

genre: fluff, crack & slightly suggestive

warnings: none

Haechan thinks you've been spending far too much time on your phone lately. Having made him 5 different playlists and telling him "this reminds me of you!" when they're songs he'd never listen to but he did give them a listen. Only for you though. Thats not where it ends though.

"Hyuck!" You called from the other room.

"Yeah?"

"Go look at my insta story" He sighed playfully before opening up Instagram and clicking on your story. The first few stories were posts that you reposted and then he landed on the one you intended for him to see. It was a picture of the both of you from yesterday. Lips locked in your first winter kiss of the year. Both of your cheeks rosy as you squished his cheeks with your glove clad hands. The picture was posted with the song Melting by Kali Uchis.

"You got some soft lips and some pearly whites I wanna touch them in the dead of night Your smile ignites just like a candlelight"

Haechan took a quick screenshot of the photo before walking into your bedroom where you sat with a sheepish grin on your face.

"Did you like it?" He scoffed playfully before pulling you in for a kiss.

He was sure he was in love with you.

"Oh hey, by the way, do you know what the first verse of that song says?" You gave him a look to show your confusion but shook your head either way.

"When you're around. my insides turn inverted" You still didn't get where he was getting at even after he sang the lyric with his angelic voice which has sang you to sleep on multiple occasions.

"Let's rearrange your insides" He smirked.

Your smile dropped. "Lee Donghyuck!" he shrieked and ran away from you when he saw you pick up a pillow and get ready to attack him with it.

"I'M SORRY!"

519 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

#4

pairing: jeno x reader

warnings: smut, phone sex, use of toys. i think thats it :) lmk if i missed anything!

wc: 575

jenos at work and you're very well aware that you shouldn't bother him. however you're even more aware of the growing ache between your legs.

jeno has been super busy and has had no time at all for you, working late nights and being too tired to do anything when he gets home.

and you have been miserable.

you've never wanted your boyfriend as bad as you do now. so you decide you're definitely bother him at work.

starting off by scrolling through your photos until you find a video jeno had sent you, jerking off on the same bed you were sat on, his low groans sending shivers down your spine, getting you even more worked up. you reached towards your side table and pulled out your dildo that you used for times jeno wasn't home. slipping it between your soaking wet folds, you rubbed it in between your folds a little before sinking down on the toy, the sound of your dripping wet cunt mixed with jenos groans making your thoughts hazy.

following along to your original plan, you grabbed your phone and quickly opened your camera app, setting your phone low enough to capture where your cunt swallows up the clear glass dildo and pressing record. bouncing on the toy like your life depends on it, reaching a hand down to toy with your clit, adding on to the pleasure, your body shaking with no control as you toppled over the edge, moaning out loudly "d-daddy miss you s-so much" your climax hitting you hard, body shuddering while you rode out your climax before you came to a stop, lifting off the toy which was coated with your juices.

knowing what jeno likes best, you lowered yourself onto the bed, so your face was visible in the camera, taking the dildo in your mouth eagerly, sinking down all the way to the base. the sounds of you gagging filling the room. you made sure to make it extra sloppy, just the way he likes.

when the toy was clean of your juices, you ended the video and sent it to your boyfriend straight away.

not long after, the sound of your phone ringing fills the room, you looked at the caller id and it was none other than your boyfriend.

“hey” you greeted but no reply, only heavy breathing could be heard from his side. “babyyyy?” a smirk forming on your lips, knowing exactly what he’s up to. “you knew i was at work y/n”

he’s right. you did.

but what’s the fun in waiting right?

“but i was so needy and i missed you so much” that’s all it took for him to send a video call request. you accepted and were faced with the sight of jeno with his head thrown back and the sounds of low groans. “such a needy little thing fuck you’re so impatient baby, need to fuck you so bad” he was blabbering any and everything that came to his mind. “missed your cock so much daddy, need to feel you” he gasped softly at your words, nearing his high. “i-i’m gonna fuck you so good when i get home, i promise” he groaned loudly before his high came over him, sending waves of pleasure through him, legs shaking and hips jerking up, riding out his high.

“you could’ve told me before you know?” he chuckled to which you shrugged

“i liked this way better”

See the full post

547 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#3

you've been getting on haechan's nerves all day today.

on purpose, that is.

so there was no questioning why haechan had you bent over his desk, your panties stuffed in your mouth and your arms behind your back in his hold while he thrusted relentlessly into you.

"you're much more tolerable when you're not running that mouth of yours" he spat. your brain not processing anything he said to you because of the way his cock was kissing your cervix. your body going limp in his hold. "such a dumb little thing"

your noises got louder as you got closer to your high, letting your panties fall out of your mouth "s-so close" you whined, moving your hips to match with his thrusts.

"my baby's close hmm?" haechan cooed softly. nodding desperately, you threw your head back, at the edge of your orgasm when haechan pulled out of you suddenly, leaving you desperately clenching around nothing, looking back at him with teary eyes and he laughs at you..

"you thought you deserve to cum after being a fucking brat all day?"

hey guys <33 i been busy so this was a little rushed but hope you'll like it ! feedback is always appreciated <33

also feel free to send me ideas if you'd like !

721 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#2

synopsis: gaming was never really your thing but when you invited jaemin to play some game you found, you realize you're better at games than you thought.

pairing: jaemin x fem reader

genre: smut, fluff kinda

warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it !), oral (m receiving), choking, they basically mirror everything in a sex game so yeah, lmk if i missed anything.

word count: 801

a/n: my entry for the @neohub level up event! also this didnt come out the way i wanted it to but enjoy nonetheless, feedback is always appreciated

the sound of jaemin’s ringtone rang throughout his room, interrupting what he likes to call his jaemin time (which is basically just him sitting at his computer and editing photos of his friends). looking down at his phone to see who interrupted his jaemin time. a smile quickly replacing his frown when he saw who the culprit was. 

“hey!” his smile grows wider at the sound of your voice. 

“whats up?” you take a hesitate a bit before answering 

“so.. i found this game and i think it’d be fun if we played it together!” jaemin knows gaming isn't your forte nor are you any bit interested in it. that's why he was thrown off when you invited him over to play some new game you found.

arriving at your apartment, he followed you to your computer and he definitely wasnt ready to see you playing some 3D sex game off of some sketchy website.

"look at the game i found!" flopping down at your desk you began clicking the buttons and creating the character of your choice while jaemin stood behind you with raised eyebrows, watching as you enthusiastically created your character.

"done! do you wanna play?" you looked back at him. "sure" jaemin nodded and sat down where you previously sat. clicking the start button, jaw dropping at the sight in front of him, a male POV and a female character kneeled in front of him with some lewd animations of her giving him a sloppy blowjob.

"this is...interesting?" playing around with the characters as his confused expression turned into a smirk, jaemin shifted in his seat, scooting further back from your desk to give his legs more space, unintentionally giving you space to slip under his desk. "what are you doing?" he looked down at you with raised eyebrows. "nothing, do what you're doing"

jaemin did in fact know what you were up to when you began to slide his sweats down until they pooled at his ankles. "no touching" you gave him a small smile before taking him in your mouth eagerly, taking as much of him as you could, trying to mirror the characters in the game. you could hear jaemin softly groaning above you as you began jerking off the rest of his cock that you couldnt take in your mouth until jaemin’s hands found their way onto your head, pushing your head further down on him, groaning at the sight of you trying not to gag around him. 

jaemin's fingers maneuvered from your head to the keyboard, pressing keys until the scene changed to the female character bent over, getting her back blown out by the male POV, pulling you off him, he bent you over your desk, hooking his fingers around the lace of your panties and sliding them down your legs to pool at your ankles. the new angle making it so you were right next to your computer, the game more visible to you now. "baby you're so wet just from sucking me off?" he chuckled softly before aligning his cock to your cunt, sliding in slowly, he was relishing in the sounds of your little gasps, "jaem do it like them please" you whined loudly, tapping your fingers on the screen softly.

jaemin's thrusts already started off relentlessly, rocking your body back and forth with the way his cock was hitting so deep in you. reaching back, you brought his hand that was once resting on your waist, up to wrap lightly around your neck, mirroring the new position on the screen

"s-so close jaem" your moans mixed with jaemins grunts echoed throughout your room. "cum for me baby" he tightened his hands around your neck, adding on to your state of bliss, your vision blurred as your orgasm rippled through you. Jaemin’s hips rutting into you with a merciless rhythm, chasing his high with the determination to make you see stars. 

“s’ too much” jaemin chuckled at your overstimulated state, choking on his words as his hips still, eyebrows furrowed as he gave one last thrust before spilling his cum inside you, painting your walls white. pulling out of you as he sat down on your seat again, pulling your panties back up before his cum could leak out of you. you flopped down onto his lap, both of your panting filling the room as you tried to catch your breath. 

“guess you’re better at games than you thought” your boyfriend huffed out a chuckle. “you’re not that bad yourself,” you giggled. jaemin pressed a kiss to your head before clicking out of the game. 

“maybe we’ll need that for another time” he chuckled, picking you up and bringing you to the bathroom for a shower. 

you smirked at him “we’ll need it for our next play date” 

See the full post

851 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

jeno x fem!reader x haechan

(9:10pm)

“Yeah, you like how he’s fucking you?” Haechan whispered in your ear, his hands flat on your thighs keeping them spread for Jeno who was thrusting relentlessly into you. You could only moan in response, lazily nodding your head. 

Jeno brings a hand down to rub at your clit, his thrusts not slowing for even a second. You squealed, overwhelmed with the feeling, trying to squirm away from Jeno. Haechan scoffs at you. 

"You can take it" He reassures you, caressing your thighs and kneading the skin, keeping your hips pinned down. Jeno breathes out shakily as you squeeze around his tip, letting out a loud groan. If you weren’t already on the edge, you sure were when Haechan leans up and pulls jeno by his hair and kisses him. It's heated, needy, and desperate. 

Unable to hold back anymore, you fall apart on Jeno’s cock, arching your back. Jeno’s thrusts are unfaltering. Haechan pulls away from Jeno to focus on you. The only noises you can manage to let out are weak cries. 

“Jeno no m-more” He could tell you were close again. Paying no regard to your plea, Jeno continued to pound into you. You reached back, gripping onto Haechan’s hair tightly, earning a small groan from him which was enough to send you over the edge once more. Your legs shook around Jeno’s and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. With Jeno’s high just around the corner, you felt his dick twitch. His eyebrows furrowed as he gave one last thrust before spilling his cum inside you. 

Jeno chuckled, pulling out of you and flopping on the side, allowing Haechan to take over. He smirked and laid himself between your thighs, eyes trained on the mixture of yours and Jeno’s cum dripping out of you. Without warning, he dived right into your center, lapping his tongue all around your center, making you squirm away from his tongue, too overstimulated to go again. 

“Don’t run from it now baby”

i wrote this a couple months ago it was just in my drafts lol. 

not proofread <33 enjoy! 

1,617 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Spotify