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fruggo · 3 years

Note

Hello ! I saw the enemies fo lovers things and I wanna request if possible

“ rich coming from the guy who tried to kill me three days ago. “

With frank if you would and thank you

yessirrr i love frank sm it’s not ok. also umm i may have accidentally written friends to enemies to lovers or something idk. and though i wouldnt necessarily call you friends at the start, you werent really enemies yet???? idk🐸just ummm yeh i love frank

also help how do i not go overboard???? i feel like i made this way too long, please help and i am sorry

warnings: canon-typical violence, swearing, frank being a bastard but then you’re like awwww he’s a cute bastard aaaaw

Things were weird with Frank, and they always had been from the moment you stepped foot in the Entity’s realm. He always tunneled you relentlessly, and that made you think of him as a big asshole, but there were some strange details tacked onto the sentiment that greatly confused you, should you think about it for more than three seconds.

Sometimes, it seemed like he went easy on you in chases, like he put in no effort. He would chase you for a while, let you waste his time, and then leave without even getting a hit on you when he definitely had the ability to.

And you hated saying this, but when he handled you, it almost felt…gentle. Granted, he was a killer, and his job was to murder you, but your experiences with him did not quite line up with those of the other survivors.

They always described trials against Frank as “stepping on legos in the middle of the night” or something akin to that. You never felt like that, though—when he chased you, it felt fair. Almost as if he played nice with you. And more often than not, the killer would let you go when he caught you. The reason remained a mystery to you until quite a bit later.

This trial, Frank was in 100% bastard mode. You had begun to think of his trials as quite easy due to his seemingly calm nature around you, so you were rather caught off guard when he downed you in the first 30 seconds of the match and tossed you onto a hook, no gentleness whatsoever.

You wanted to yell at him and ask what the fuck was wrong with him until you realized this was his fucking job, and this is how he should have been treating you all along. Maybe you had just been imagining it all, but you could have sworn he used to leave you alone more than this. Something just felt different.

After you were unhooked, he went for you again. And again. And then you were dead, completely wiped out of the trial. Frank had demolished you with no remorse.

You knew it was silly to feel betrayed, but you really couldn’t help it. In such an insane and hellish place, anything that could be even remotely perceived as kindness seemed like so much more of a big deal than it truly was. So Frank’s supposed “gentleness” with you had felt somewhat like a friend doing you a selfless favor. Of course, it was not a selfless favor, and it was certainly nowhere near kindness, because he was still a killer chasing you with a knife, but your standards had really lowered in this place.

After that trial, you were back to hating Frank for tunneling and bullying you (like you probably should). You began to understand the survivors’ saying about the legos—and you hoped that Frank would step on some legos too, because he fucking sucked sometimes.

And for a while, that’s just how it was. You nearly forgot how he used to go easier on you, and how you used to do okay in his matches. Now every time you were pit against each other it just felt like you were being stuck with a bunch of pins; you never had any time to breathe or rest or do literally anything. He just went after you until you were gone, and there was next to nothing you could do about it.

Everything changed very suddenly during a trial at Ormond.

You were expecting the same old routine with this asshole—chase, blah blah blah, die. You hardly had energy to fight back anymore.

So when he arrived out of breath at the killer shack, somehow knowing you would be here, Frank was surprised to find you relaxing under the window with your arms loosely crossed, a disapproving scowl upon your countenance. It was enough to make him hesitate in his tracks.

You let out a deep breath, refusing to break eye contact with his mask; you kept up that menacing frown for as long as you could, trying to make him feel guilty (who knows if it was even possible for him to feel guilty? But it was worth a try).

“Just kill me,” you said, voice steady and seemingly unbothered. Underneath the surface, you were trembling, but you stood your ground. “That’s what you’re gonna do, isn’t it? You’re going to chase me until I’m miserable and kill me off as soon as you can?”

Frank went still, not even fidgeting with his knife like he usually did; he was intrigued by your sudden confidence.

You went on. “I’m really sick and tired of you, you know that? I’m sick of you and your bullshit. Why can’t you treat me like everybody else? At first, you went easy on me. Now you just torture me with your stupid mind games, and frankly, I’m sick of playing! I’m done with you—I don’t care anymore! Just kill me, and I’ll get out of your way, okay asshole? Mori me if you want. I don’t give a shit.”

You put your hands up exasperatedly, fully expecting him to take the offer and just send you back to the campfire right then and there. But the man sighed, pocketed his knife, and sat down right next to you as if this were a normal thing for him to do.

You scooted a few inches away out of instinct. Frank noticed, but he chose not to say a word about it.

It was a long time before he said anything, and when he finally did, you wanted to punch him so bad.

“It’s complicated,” he mumbled. And that was all.

Oh, yeah? It was complicated? You scoffed, hanging your head with a bitter smile. “Oh, okay. Sure.”

Silence again.

Awkward, suffocating silence.

And then Frank got up and left. You were unbothered for the remainder of the trial, not even a scratch or bruise on your body.

Sometimes you simply did things, and you didn’t know why. This thing that you just did was irrational, stupid, unplanned, unwise, and everything in-between, and you knew it was, but frequently you just had no impulse control. Perhaps it was the Entity’s influence, or maybe you had always been this way—you couldn’t really remember.

How did you get here again? Why were you laying on the ground? And why did your leg hurt so fucking much?

Oh, yes. Yes, yes, you remember now.

Funnily enough, it seems as though the Entity, along with certain killers, did not like it when survivors tried to enter their side of the forest! But you did it anyways, and it appeared that you had suffered the consequences. It’s not like you had put much thought into it; where was the point in that when nothing mattered anymore and you were stuck in an endless cycle of death?

You remembered entering the killer’s woods, looking around, and doing…something. What was that something? You couldn’t be sure, but then you remembered somebody coming up to you and probably definitely hurting you. Yep, your leg definitely was in a lot of pain. You couldn’t even look at it. Did you pass out for a while? Maybe. How long were you out for?

You lay still there for a while, thinking. Man, it really hurt, and boy, were you miserable. Maybe more miserable than you’d ever felt here. The Entity normally healed wounds immediately, but perhaps you had just angered it so much you deserved to suffer.

Oh, dear! You seemed to be passing out at this time. Yes, that was almost certainly what was happening. Black spots danced across your eyes as your body began to feel distant and numb, but you didn’t feel very worried about it. In fact, you felt like making jokes right now, but you had nobody to make jokes to and you probably couldn’t even speak.

Just as you began to accept it, there was a strange thumping sensation vibrating through the ground growing closer…and closer…

Footsteps! That’s good!

Oh. Not if it’s a killer. That’s not good, probably.

But you had no way of protesting when you felt yourself being picked up, because those black spots in your eyes were dancing a lot faster now, perhaps something akin to an Irish jig, and you also couldn’t feel your limbs.

Then you were fast asleep again, dreaming of Irish dancers who were actually big fluffy cloud people wearing leprechaun clothes. Nobody but you would ever know this, and it was going to stay that way.

On the bright side, it made it a lot easier for your rescuer to carry you to safety like this.

When you awoke once more, you were horrified to find yourself in the Ormond lodge of all places. You knew immediately what had happened and were determined to escape as soon as possible.

Your injured leg proved to be a huge problem, however, and you collapsed the second you attempted to find freedom. Trying again, you collapsed once more, and probably maimed yourself further in the process.

Hearing the commotion from the second floor, your least favorite member of The Legion descended down from the main stairs, refusing to look directly at you even as he scooped you up and plunked you (gently) back onto the couch, which was rather comfortable (not that you would ever tell him that).

So he was playing it cool, huh?

Okay. You could play it cool, too. You were cool. Smooth as butter.

No. You really couldn’t be cool in a situation like this, and plus, your mind was still a little woohoo since whatever accident had occurred. Suddenly you blurted out, “Frank, I hate your guts.”

And he had the audacity to laugh. He laughed at you! He did the man chuckle thing, as if what you were saying was funny. No! You were completely serious! You did hate his guts!

Perhaps your face showed how upset you were, because he started to apologize (still laughing).

“Maybe you should go back to sleep,” Frank said after calming down a bit.

No. You couldn’t go back to sleep. You did not want to experience dancing cloud people dressed as leprechauns ever again in your life, for the rest of eternity. Never again.

So you shook your head violently, refusing to give an explanation, which just provoked Frank to anger all of a sudden. If you went back to sleep, he could have some alone time while the rest of The Legion was gone. He kept pushing, and you kept resisting, and he pushed and you resisted, until finally he gave up and let you off with a warning. If you made him mad again, he was throwing you out in the snow.

Fine with me, you said. Okay, I’ll do it right now, he said. No balls, you said.

So then Frank casually went to scoop you up in his arms again, and you started to freak out and beat your hands against his chest until he put you back down. He was was awfully mindful of your hurt leg for someone who was about to throw you into the snow.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—please don’t throw me out,” you fussed. You thought he wouldn’t actually do it. You didn’t know it, but you were right—he was just messing with you because it was funny seeing you scared.

After a bit more griping back and forth, Frank began to grow concerned about your leg. He didn’t know how to bring up the topic because things were so odd between the two of you; this was your first interaction since the brief encounter in the shack. But he swallowed his pride, because the wound seemed to be getting worse by the minute.

“Hey, do you want me to, uhh…get some supplies?” Frank asked awkwardly. When you didn’t understand, he continued, “Your leg? It looks like it hurts…I could fix it if you want.”

You barked out a laugh at his words, unbelieving of this shift in attitude. “Rich coming from the guy who tried to kill me three days ago,” you snickered, genuinely finding it amusing.

Frank took offense. He was trying to be nice for once, and you thought it was funny. And his situation really was complex, whether you chose to believe it or not. Maybe he should just tell you to get it off of his chest.

“Listen,” he said, voice laced with seriousness. “When I told you things were complicated, I meant it.”

Sensing the mood change from his tone and body language, you stopped smiling and decided to pay attention to him. Just this once. Never again. After this you could go back to hating him.

Frank continued. “The Entity was going to start…well, hurting me, if I didn’t start doing better in trials. I really didn’t want to sacrifice you, which is embarrassing to admit, but I’ll say it. And I don’t think it liked that.”

You were surprised. And also relieved that you had been right all along—he had been going easy on you at first.

“Why me, though?” you asked, confused. “Why wouldn’t you want to sacrifice me? What about the other survivors?”

If the slight tilt of his head at your question didn’t answer it for you, the way he started tapping his feet and cracking his knuckles so nervously did.

Boy, if looks could kill, you would have died instantly at the scowl Frank sent your way; you grinned pridefully at the realization that this man was down bad. You couldn’t see the expression behind his mask, though, which Frank was thankful for.

He hated every second of this, but you loved it. You reveled in his embarrassment.

Leaning forward on your hands, you begged, “Tell me more! I want to hear all about your feelings for me.”

“I could stab you right now, you know that?”

“But you won’t. You liiiiike me!”

“What are you, eight years old?”

“No, but I am severely injured and have lost a lot of blood so I am not necessarily in the right headspace at the moment.”

“You make a fair point.”

“So tell me! What’s your favorite thing about me?”

“Your ass.”

“No, really.”

“Okay, your ass and your hair.”

“You know what, Frank, I still hate your guts.”

“No, you don’t.”

You paused for a moment. It was probably the blood loss talking, you decided later, but you said, “No. Maybe I don’t.”

#:) i kinda rly like this ahaha it was fun #i hope it’s okay <3 #fruggo writes #requests #enemies to lovers prompt #frank morrison x reader #frank morrison #the legion x reader #the legion #dbd x reader #dbd oneshot #dbd writing #dead by daylight x reader #dead by daylight #dbd #dbd frank

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impaladolan · 3 years

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What if y/n tried to sneak out again and ends up opening a door and it’s literally a conference room and grays ins sitting head of the table and it’s filled w mafia men lmaooo and she’s just like oh sorry was looking for the bathroom which is an obvious lie cos girl has one in her room and she runs away and one of them catch her and take back to grays I mean does he punish her in front of the men girl that’s up to you but even if he doesn’t I feel like it’s like a lowkey funny concept like poor girl she just tryna escape hahaha

Anonymous said

i think it would be fun if y/n just constantly winds up him now in hopes he will get sick of her antics and just tell her everything hehe like maybe one day she steals his rolex, smashes all the plates lmaoo idk now that i type that out i feel like he won’t care and just spank her ass every time (which i highly doubt she’s gonna complain about lol)

Capture - Grayson Dolan [7/-]

summary: y/n has always been a curious women, but when she stumbles upon something she’s not supposed to.. things become too much to handle...

warnings: swearing & humiliation/degradation..

a/n: do y’all want to do tags @?? and also, thank you sweet anons for the prompts! love you all 💕

The events to which had pertained early this morning continuously played on a loop in your head. Rerun after rerun, and you never ran out of film. It really made you question your decision-making skills, or rather any of the skills and manners you have acquired in your short time of living. You couldn't help the "imbalance of homeostasis" moreover your impulsive, fluctuant feelings that would come over you like a rushing water at times. It really made everything a bit more difficult to understand. In shorter terms;

What the hell even happened?

You couldn't deny or even feel guilty for the wrongdoings of this morning, but nor could you exactly excuse them. Yes, it was a heat of the moment type of thing and you really should have expected him to come barging in like that, but it still had taken you off guard. Although, when you think back to what happened, you don't regret it.

You miss it.

You miss the way it felt, to be sat atop of him and needing for his scared touch. He was like a drug. An addictive, life sucking drug that wouldn't wash away from your mind. He was all you could think about.

He is all you can think about.

The wanting demand to know his name, the request to see his godawful handsome face, the aching of his touch. Everything about him was mysterious and daunting. He drew you in, like a magnet against steel. The burning desire you have for him doesn't make sense.

How could you be in love with someone you barely know? Someone who had taken you away from everything you've ever known. A man that knows the ins and outs of you, yet you couldn't even recognize his name?

It feels like a game. A stupid, twisted fucking game that you're bound to lose to.

Sighing to your intrusive thoughts, you blow a wavering piece of hair from your face. You were stuffed under the lengthy duvet and your eyes were directed at the spinning ceiling fan above. The industrial, artificial wind-making machine upwards reminded you of a similar one placed in your room at home. Of course, this one didn't have a squeak but it still made the pit of your stomach drop in an agony-filled remembrance of home. It feels like forever ago when you used to run every morning. The feel of the harsh wind against your cheeks and the subtle pumping of your heart was washed away with the same old gray walls that you were enclosed by every single waking moment.

The sudden thought of just that sparked energy within you.

You were pretty exhausted from prior events and you thought you’d be able to get a nap or two in. But your overthinking and legitimate thoughts clouded your head and you just couldn’t find a way to sleep properly. Although now, you were ready to explore.

Well, explore the kitchen.

The mere thought of a tall glass of iced water sounds satisfactory. Especially for your often dry throat. So, you hassled out of the flooding white covers and marched straight to the door, pulling down the only thing that covers you; a large white t-shirt— presumably his. The urge to soothe the parchedness that swirled within you only strengthened as you trekked past the door and into the ominous hallway. You werent for sure if he was home or not, but at this point it really didn't matter. You were thirsty and you were gonna do something about it, one way or another.

You retraced your steps from only a few days beforehand, when you had tried to escape, which had ended in complete failure. Thinking back to it, it surprises you that he actually knew you were in the walk-in pantry the entire time.

It seems like he knows just about everything.

Like you remembered, the hall opened up into a large, modern looking kitchen that could possibly sustain an expensive restaurant if it really had to. Before you could pause in absolute awe by just gaping at it, you get straight to work in finding a glass. You swung open most of the cabinet doors, opening to mainly spice racks and pots/pans that looked pricier than your own vehicle. You finally found something that could fit the desired contents and you went straight for the fridge. Just as quickly, you dip your cup in the little boxed formation and listen to the ice cubes soothingly fall. You didn't even worry about the deafening bangs of the cubes as they fell from the dispenser, or the crackling or the cool water slipping down and around their entirety.

God, it looks like heaven.

You bring the cylindrical shape up to your lips and let the freezing water slip down your tongue and throughout your body. It cured any and everything that seemed to be wrong, at least for the moment. You dont stop your drinking until the water is fully ingested and the ice begins to burn the tip of your nose. You place the glass carefully on the counter and deeply inhale, shutting your eyes for a brief moment to think.

You’re tired of staying in that room all damn day, and you need a change of scenery. You know there’s got to be way more in this house than just the couple rooms you’ve ventured in, and what’s the worst that could happen?

Aww, he spanks your ass again?

Like that would solve anything anyway. He should know by now that it affects you differently. He seems to know everything else about you. It’s actually really frustrating. For him to know all the details and you’re left in the weird gray area that’s clueless and dumb. It makes you so aggravated and angered, and you wanted to oh so bad, put your foot down in some way.

So, that’s what you’ll do.

A devilish grin comes across your face as you leave the kitchen, waltzing into the dining area with scouring eyes. What could you possibly do to make the “almighty capturer” upset? The first thing to come across your head was unorganization.

He seems like a perfectionist, someone who likes everything put in their exact places and to not be tampered with. You share that similar quality, but you aren’t an extremist like him.

You first lay your eyes on the dining room table, the centerpiece along with the runner looking a little too nice. With a sense of urgency, you decide sabotage. Firstly, you grab the extravagant-looking art sculpture and set it on the floor. After, you crumple the cloth underneath it. With an odd smirk, you pull out all the chairs in not so orderly fashion.

Wow, Y/N, you really did some damage..

Taking a couple steps back to look at the petty mess you've made, a chuckle erupts from your mouth and you sigh yet again. You shrug the simplicity away from your head and continue your walking. You come about a spiraling staircase and instantly begin to climb it, eager to see the upper floor’s decor. Your hand slides against the railing as you become steps closer to your desired destination, another chic and modern looking domain before your eyes. Unlike the downstairs, this room held a lot more art work and a certain professionality you couldn't begin to explain, but you continued to move forward. You approach another hallway, except this one withheld a deadend, large double doors that open outward. It somehow gained your attention and you couldn't help but want a quick look inside. Nothing was really stopping you and there are no signs of him around, so why not?

You didn’t really need an answer, you just went ahead and did what was on your mind. Exerting the small amount of force needed to push down the handles, you pull the doors open wide and focus your eyes on the room’s interior.

Men, sat all along a table that led all the way up to him.

Your eyes widen in immediate shock and your jaw drops open. All of their heads turn in the direction of a barely dressed girl standing in the doorway, disrupting the importance of a meeting with their leaders.

You.

Papers were strung all over the long piece of oak and there was bustling before you rudely interrupted their transactions and communicating, but you were too frozen to react or runaway.

“What the fuck are you doing up here, Y/N?” He said your name with such a deep and dark mannerism, it made your pussy throb unexpectedly. “I- Uhm, I.. Bathroom?” Words wouldn’t come out straight, no matter how hard you tried. You felt the stares of a million, but you could only focus your gaze on him.

And he looks furious.

What could you do to escape all of this? Well, running actually. You take off just as you see him get up from his seat. You speed back down the hallway you first walked down and curved through the different paths you had taken prior. The faint “go fucking get her” that spilled from his lips had made it to your ears and a certain fear ignited within you.

You could hear the footsteps behind you, but you didn’t stop. You were almost down the steps, until that menacing touch of someone grabbing you right before freedom— immersed around you. You knew it wasn’t his arms wrapped around you, but you didn’t dare look back to see whose it actually was. You wanted to cry, struggling to stay in his grasp as he lifted you back up and into the meeting room from whence you came.

“Let her down, Marc.” His wondrous voice filled your ears and you’ve never felt so secure yet troubled in your entire lifetime. The large arms unraveled from around you and you were softly placed on the ground. You didn’t dare to look up, but instead focus on the ground beneath you.

“Get your ass over here, slut.” His dark voice filled the quiet room, and your heart plummeted at the sound of such a slur. Sadly, you could only listen to him, so you walk carefully around the table, making your way to his perch. You weren’t even fully near him until his arm reached out and clutched your wrist, forcefully pulling you towards him. He roughly laid you over his lap, in front of everyone, and pulled up the bottom of your shirt, allowing every eye to see you lower half nakedness.

And just like the early morning prospects, an echoing slap to your ass filled the room’s silence. “This is what fucking happens, Y/N. When you disobey me.” You could tell his jaw was clenched and his face was red with anger by the way he was talking. Tears began to form in your eyes, but not from the pain, but from the embarrassment.

How’re you supposed to face all the people in this room, after getting an ass whooping for the second time today?

“Guess you don’t know how to fuckin’ listen well, do you Y/N?” He kept saying your name like it was some kind of extravaganza, which humiliated you all the more. You didn’t want everyone to know who you are, laid across a grown man’s lap and getting seriously aroused amidst people.

Out of the blue, he wraps his hand around the back of your neck to pull you back up to face him, a dark red spread across your cheeks. “Lucky I don’t make you suck my fuckin’ cock in front of all of ‘em. Then they’d know you aren’t such a bad little girl, wouldn’t they?” He whispers against your ear as he sets you on his knee, facing the direction of the stone cold men veering their eyes on everything but you— away from the awful scene.

You shake your head to his words, feeling his large hands linger under your shirt. “Don’t think so? Would that embarrass you, sweetheart? Cause I couldn’t give a less fuck about that right now.” His hands continue to travel upwards, wrapping around the both of your unclothed breasts, the thin shirt material not doing much justice.

“Please, no. I-I’ll do whatever you want, just please— not here.” With those words of plea, you cross your arms over his hands and train your eyes to the floor in humiliation.

“Get back to you room, and don’t leave it. You’re on thin fucking ice, princess.”

to be continued...

a/n: don’t ask me why, i really don’t know why he has such an affinity for spanking her 🤷‍♀️ and it’s also 1:00 am that I finally finished this.. procrastination at its finest..

#dolan twins #dt #dolan twins smut #grayson #ily #ethan dolan #ethan grant dolan #grant #grayson dolan #grayson dolan fanfic #capture #grayson dolan smut

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gh0stwriting · 4 years

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Hello, could you write some HC’s on how the slashers( michael and Billy, Rest is your choice 😁) would react to their s/o volunteering at a haunted house as an actor? Like getting that creepy persona, the makeup, and just being able to act crazy? Really just their overall response? ( Bonus points if billy and stu actually go through the haunted house, but it’s okay if you dont wanna write that) please and thank you 😁

(thats literally my dream job omg. i also made the bubba, michael and jason ones have the s/o adopt some traits from their man for their character bc i probably would and it would be fun)

SLASHERS WITH HAUNTED HOUSE ACTOR!S/O

MICHAEL MYERS

he saw you rehearsing your characters mannerisms and your few lines, things like “get out” and “you’re next” , typical horror movie things. he was amused by how committed you seemed to whatever you were doing though he didnt know what it was yet.

a few days later he found your characters mask and brought it to you, asking what it was for, to which you told him every detail about the haunt. he really loves when you get animated while talking about something you’re passionate about.

he’s vaguely interested and would very much like to see you at work though he knows he cant, so he settles for watching you rehearse, both alone and on video calls with your coworkers. you never invited them over for obvious reasons.

the day of the haunted house came and you panicked, fear overtook you as you overthought each detail and how it could go wrong. Michael quickly noticed your unease and simply handed dropped a cheap looking necklace into your lap, staring at you until you thanked him and stuffed it into your pocket before hugging him and packing your things for work.

when you came back you were quite possibly the happiest he’s ever seen you, a huge smile never daring to leave your face regardless of the amount of fake blood and sweat covering covering your skin and clothes. as soon as you cleaned yourself off you told him all about it and he quickly shared your enthusiasm over the topic, though he didnt make it evident.

BILLY LOOMIS & STU MACHER

so, your actual character isnt inspired by Ghostface in any way. but, your horror buff boyfriends have given you several tips on how to maximize the creep factor of your character.

they’re probably more excited than you are about the haunted house, they can’t wait for opening night and even tried to persuade you to ask your boss if they could be actors too, though you knew if you did there would be a lot more bloodshed.

on opening night you’re sitting inside a fake vent waiting for the guests to start walking through when you hear your boys laughing to each other as they point out all the horror references ranging from the nightmare on elm street furnace to a recreation of the pamela voorhees shrine.

when you heard them walk by you snuck out of the vent, making sure the hinge creaked as much as possible before you hid, knowing they were looking. you followed them through a majority of the house, always hiding when they turn to look and just being out of sight at all times. Billy knew it was you but Stu was effectively creeped out and a handful of guests had already left bc of how scared they were.

you knew you werent supposed to touch the guests but thought it wouldnt matter if you did it to your boys so when Stu walked past a room you were in you grabbed him by the ankle, pulling him to the floor, causing him to shriek and Billy to laugh at him before continuing to walk. he thought you were too cute to be scary, but Stu on the other hand needed many cuddles when you got home.

BUBBA SAWYER

so your character is inspired by Bubba in the way of being a chainsaw wielding but otherwise silent killer, known for maintaining the spook factor and keeping everyone on their toes.

you ask Bubba for advice on the characters mannerisms and other things like how to hold the saw to make it seem weighted and real, mostly learning from example.

you spent the weeks leading up to the opening of the attraction practising with Bubba, in and out of costume to make sure you perfect the character, even throwing in a few of Bubbas noises (particularly the shrill squeals) as a quirk of your character and an homage to person that made your character what it is.

admittedly he does get quite spooked the first time you show him your costume but it also very intrigues and loved the feeling of the different fabrics beneath his fingers, your costume consisting of a tattered apron, a dirty tunic and ripped pants, topped off with old boots, all of which stained with copious amount of fake blood and dirt.

hes there on opening night, from the sidelines of course and giggles every time he hears your chainsaw rev up, followed by the shrill screaming of horrified guests, oh by the way he gave you one of his old saws, so its very much real but very dull. its mainly there for the realistic rev sound and probably cant hurt anyone. probably.

JASON VOORHEES

halloween was by far your favorite time of year, not only bc of the candy but also bc of the annual haunted houses. you were fortunate enough to get a job at one of the more popular ones and wasted no time creating a character based on the guidelines for the houses theme.

you ended up making most of your costume by hand to make sure every detail was perfect, regardless of the shoddy stitchwork. Jason watched as you worked through all hours of the night, either trying to figure out the characters makeup or putting finishing touches on the costume and props.

he confronted you around the 36th straight hour of work to try and get you to sleep but you denied him, insisting you had to finish the current part you were working on so he sat with you. he watched enthralled by how delicately you held the fabrics as you passed the needle through them, making something would perfect your characters horrifying visage.

he was anxiously waiting for you to come home from the second you left, thoughts of you never returnning flooding through his head, deciding to clear his mind with some good old fashioned murder. you did return of course, covered in fake and a bit of real blood from where guests would react physically to your scares.

you were so clearly happy about it he happily sat while you talked about how fun it was and how cool your coworkers were and then followed you around after as you demonstrated some of your characters best scares.

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minjoonalist · 5 years

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If You Let Me. ii | KNJ 18+

Author: hey guys! This is a sequel(?) To If you let me. (m) . Honestly Idk what made me want to write this lol but I suggest reading that first to get a better understanding before this one. Or hopefully its good either way without it lol.

Previously- If You Let Me. [part one]

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Discription: for 4 long years- he kept his promise. There wasn’t a single moment you ever doubted his love for you. or so you thought …

Word count: 7.8k

Genre: angst, smut, fluff? (If you want it bad enough)

Pairing: Husband!Namjoon x Reader [ ft. tae and hobi]

Quote: “4 years ago today, I told you how deeply in love I am with you….how perfect you are for me. I promised you, that I would never make you feel like you werent enough….it seems I somehow managed to break that”

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11:02 am

A knock sounds gently on your door waking you from your hallow state. You stare at it blankly before mumbling the words ‘come in ‘ to your visitor.

“ Noona?” Taehyung, the boy that was like your close little brother whispers as soon as he opens your door. “ I know you’re mad at Joon hyung…b-but can I come in still?” He asked you nervously. You comment yes for the first time in a while and settle back against the headboard of your bed. you thought about telling him not to call you that like you usually did but, but did you really have the energy?

It had been four years. Four years since Namjoon had proposed to you, and promised you forever with him. four years since he broke down the tough wall your ex-fiancee kai had managed to build.

a sad smile came on your face and tears started to brim in your eyes.

you blinked , it seemed as if everything was feeling a little too familiar. you remember blinking back so many tears over kai and now it scared you to do the same for Joon. Tae , watching his beautiful noona with a sorrowed expression, walked into the semi-dark room and sat comfortably on your bed. “noona-”

“Tae pleeaasee… just call me y/n -okay?” you rub his shoulder. he nods gulping at the intimate gesture, it wasn’t that he was attracted to you- which of course he was. It was that, for the past few weeks since you’d kicked his best friend out of your house - you could barely manage to look at him nor hoseok either. he couldn’t blame you, of course you wouldn’t trust the two closest males to him- for all you knew they were part of the problem as well. but they stayed persistent, promising their Hyung to always look after you even while he was away..

your hand fell miserably from him and he gently took it in his. there was so much he wanted to say to you, but he was afraid he’d set your relationship back. he didn’t want you to hate him and think that he was just another guy trying to take up for his shitty friend.

but he wasn’t.

Tae wanted to take up for a great friend. the man who was also a great husband for you. while he didn’t know the full details of the situation, he also knew that it wasn’t anything you guys couldn’t fix.

you guys weren’t perfect, this isn’t the first time you and namjoon have had a falling out. it would usually end with him on your living room couch and you strutting torturously around him in his t-shirt with nothing else underneath.

it didn’t end with him gone in some random city, doing who knows what and possibly with some women better than you. “ would he even be wrong?” you thought bitterly to yourself.

your heart burned, because deep down, you knew this was all your fault. thats right, you ran him away. yelling at him, screaming angrily, disrespectfully pushing him out your front door without a single word, without even letting him speak. he didn’t fight, he didn't protest…it was almost like he’d given up. he hasn’t called you or texted - hell you don’t think he even took his phone with him.

what you knew for sure was that he didn’t want contact with you, and he definitely wasn’t thinking about you. he was still attending his lectures at the university. you knew because , you’d over hear his students still complaining about the impossible professor kim. two even walking over to you, the current owner of the bookstore , jokingly pleading to get him to go easier on them. it immediately reminded you about when you first officially talked and how everything fell into place from there. it seemed all so perfect, from the first text - to the friendship you built and even to the moment he kicked Kai’s ass for you.

you scoffed ironically. it was currently that exact same day that Kim namjoon had promised he’d never make you feel like you weren’t enough for him. that he would spend everyday making you forget the all the pain you felt before. it was also the first time you two confessed your feelings for one another. your stomach dropped sickeningly, and the pained lump in your throat swelled.

oh god here came the tears again.

you let out an ugly sob in front of Tae, finally crumbling with your guarded mood “ he p-promised… ”. those words fell desperately from your lips while your arms hugged yourself. Tae springs into action and pulls you into a comforting hug. you rest your head on his shoulder trying to calm your lost breath the deep pain that engulfed your entire being.

another knock sounds on your door and hoseok pokes his head inside. “ everything alright?, I heard YN-” he pauses at your broken state. his eyes widening then rushing to the other side of you on the bed. he looked at you with the same sorrow as Taehyung did before and you sniffed, sitting up. normally hobi never held anything else but a smile on his face which prompted you to say “ Everything’s fine, hoseok don’t worry” . you smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes. he notices, because he wasn’t stupid..

“ y/n….” hoseok starts, “ you don’t have to- ….its okay to say you miss him..he’s your husband after all” he says very gently. they were walking on eggshells around you, trying not to trigger another episode like they did last week. you breath in deeply “ but…does he miss me?”

“of course he does noona- …y/n. more than you know. just give him time” Tae tells you, still holding you close. “yeah, hyung just needs to think. He’d never leave you” hobi said rubbing your back assuringly.

The tears came back again from his words “ but he did leave me…” you cried all over again. Hoseok rolled both of his lips and closed his eyes cringing from his fuck up. Tae shook his head at him “ he means- while namjoon may not be here..right now. He’s not leavingyou, leaving you y/n. I don’t think that man can live without you” .

You looked up ,puffy eyed with a wet face. The sight of both your closest friends sitting close beside you trying to cheer you up. You were glad they stayed behind with you because honestly you didn’t have much else. Yeah there was your family and maybe your best girl friend-but they didn’t know Joon the way you, tae, and hoseok did.

“Can we do something?, I don’t want to sit here anymore.” You mumble and both of them sat there staring at you shocked. A couple of days ago you could barley look at the two- now you wanted to go out? They didn’t know if that was good or bad, but they sure as hell weren’t going to disagree with you.

They glanced at each other before Tae smiled and turned back towards you.

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

2:33 pm

“Remember when we agreed to this? Yeah I regret that.” Hoseok groaned and you walked up to them in another form fitting dress. “ what about this?” You beam , twirling confidently in the silver silk material. It hugged your body tightly, falling just above the middle of your thighs and exposed the majority of your back.

A blush appeared on the male next to him and Hoseok swallowed - because he was pretty sure he was suppose to be admiring just how good the dress looked, not how good your ass looked in it. “ it's very beautiful noona, my favorite one so far ” Tae smiled, making your mood brighten even more. You look over to hobi for his confirmation and saw the pained look on his face.

You frown “ do you not like it? ”. You ask turning around once again. “Oh..” He took a deep breath, he was never comfortable having any attraction towards you- not when you were his best friend's wife. “ no it looks really great YN . But don’t you think we could do something else maybe?…you know?…guy friendly?” he laughed nervously, avoiding any type of eye contact with you. you look back at tae ,finally noticing the slight pink tinge that graced his features and his clamped legs.

your eyes widened a bit and you immediately caught wind of his insinuation. a blush now performing on your face and you turn rushing back into your dressing room. you take a deep breathe changing your clothes slowly, to prolong the awkward situation that was to come. you usually did this with namjoon, you would love how his eyes roamed hungrily over you- even when he didn’t think the outfit was cute. it wouldn’t have been long before you found him, sneaking his way in just to rub his hands all over you. you’d kick him out of course…

“joonie please there children in here!..” you giggled, from the feel of his lips brushing up on your ticklish neck. that sly, dimpled, smile would appear and he’d shamelessly cup your ass in the expensive material . “ Bullshit- this dressing room is completely empty” not that he cared anyway.

you missed him…

“I can’t look at you, get the hell out namjoon…!”

You winced and a sad smile left your face. Once you're done changing ,you begin making your way back over to the boys when you stop just around the corner. you could’ve sworn you heard a gasp followed by…..

“ Joon Hyung- Hi!” you hear Tae exclaim in surprise and your body instinctively glues itself to the wall separating you from them. “hey joon, long time no hear” hoseok chirped brightly along with him. you couldn’t hear a response which only lead you to believe that he must’ve called them.

“h-how….how is she?” was the only words that he could let out. He sat on the floor of his unknown housing. staring blankly at the ceiling fan as it spun around. he told himself he wouldn’t do this, it was only torture knowing that you were all by yourself and he wasn’t there.

Tae glanced up at the presumably empty hall of the fitting room.

“ she really misses you hyung-”

“When are you coming back?” Hoseok interrupts. He frowns and on the end namjoon does the same. “Soon…I think” he sighs

“ I called about YN, I can’t give you the answers for me right now ” he said Redirecting the conversation back to you. He needed to know everything happening with you , were you happy? , Were you sad?, How often did you cry? ,Did you even cry? , you were eating right? , are you still reading the newest book series he recommended you? , did you really miss him? , do you still love him? .

These questions kept running his mind over and over everyday. And yeah maybe he was being a bit over dramatic- of course you still loved him. He just didn’t know if you would ever forgive him. He never explained to you what happened , just let you get angry and kick him out. It was better that way , had you found out the reason he’s yet to come back , you’d never let him leave.

He hated whenever you two fought. It always left such an awkward space and you both were never used to it. of course you would eventually make up in your own ways, but Namjoon just didn't like it and neither did you. He could only imagine your heart break when you didn’t see him the next morning. Hoseok and Taehyung calling him and pleading for him to comfort his wife since you wouldn’t let them. The only one he briefed about the situation he’s in, was hoseok. He would have told taehyung had it not been that he would have completely broken for you and spilled everything.

His best friends voice rung in his ear, bringing him out of his thoughts “Right, cause it's wrong for your friends to be worried about you. Ok” hobi retorted and before joon could answer “ shes doing better. She's finally talking to us again. She's actually laughing? And smiling? y’know cause of me and tae... we’re okay too by the way , thanks for asking.” He finished irritation clear in his voice.

Namjoon always found it funny, how happy and upbeat the man was at all times until you really got under his skin. And right now Namjoon found himself bone deep.

“ I know you're angry hoseok, believe me I am too but I don’t know how else to go about this.” He spoke calmly , even after his friend took a more disrespectful tone with him. He couldn’t blame him, Both of them- They both cared for you and were always ready to kick the next guy’s ass who broke your heart, or anyone who tried to hurt you for that matter. Even if it meant their very own best friend and Namjoon was grateful for that.

“ how about actually telling her the truth” Tae suddenly piped up. Taking both you, joon, and hoseok by surprise.

Tae wasn’t one to talk to his hyungs out of disrespect but right now He could tell both Joon and hoseok knew something that he didn’t . Tae didn’t want to believe that. but for whatever reason he hasn’t returned home to you, was much more than him getting angry from you assuming he cheated on you.

After realizing his sudden outburst his confidence shrunk just a bit “ I- I don’t know , what the hell is going with you, but you can't keep YN in the dark for this long. She deserves to know why her husband isn't around right now” he said into the phone and looked carefully at hoseok’s shocked expression.

“Tae…” Namjoon spoke.

“ you promised her.” He paused “ You told Noona that you would never make her feel the way she felt with kai and you’re right, because whatever you're doing it's making her feel worse Hyung” he mumbled the last part, already imagining how angry Namjoon must be from from his words. But he wasn’t , in fact it only made him sadder because maybe his best friend’s were right. Although, taehyung comparing his actions with Kai’s did sting more than the blonde intended them to.

“O-okay.” He said finally said a long awaited pause. “ I’ll talk to her just please give me a little more time, until then take care of her for me” he hung up before the both of them could protest. Namjoon got up from the floor- taking one more swig of the bottled alcohol before finding his coat and making his way out of the house.

Both Tae and hoseok sat in complete disbelief. “ you’re telling me everything when we leave” tae whispered to hoseok. all he could do was pierce his lips and nod in agreement. After a couple of minutes passed by , taehyung was starting to worry about you…

“ Noona! Are you almost ready?” Tae suddenly called out , startling you. Your heart quickening and you tried to fix yourself . You stepped around the corner meeting both the happy faces of taehyung and hoseok. Although those smiles didn’t last long when they noticed the stream of hot tears running out of your bloodshot eyes.

Oh fuck.

No….

They both thought. Hoseok gave tae a side glance before looking back to you. “ everything alright YN?” He asked cautiously. No… that's what you wanted to say, but instead you nod. “ yeah” you sniffed, suddenly picking at your fingers “ just feeling drained” you lied wiping them away. Without looking at the two , your figure walked straight pass them and out of the fitting room chamber. “ lets go get some coffee huh?” You smiled and they silently but warily followed you out of the store.

How could they have lied to you?

4:23 pm

Namjoon slowly made his entrance in the small cafe. His body tensing and his mood was anything but friendly. He didn't want to be there, and he didn't want to see the woman that was currently waiting all the way in the back for him. He spotted her, a newly cut bob , a pair of black shades, and a long black coat to match. Could she be anymore obvious?

“ You’re not doing anything wrong joon” he sighs muttering to himself.

He then made his way over and stood behind the seat in front of her. She looks up at him, or so he assumed behind those shades. “ you actually came?” She spoke , voice cracking just a little. She bit her lip , watching him hesitantly sit down and mumble “ why am I here?” . He didn’t have time for this , everything that was happening he just wanted to get it over with. The faster he gets this done the faster he could finally go back to you.

The woman looks at him and saw how miserable Namjoon looked.

“Are you just going to stare or are you going to start explaining yourself?” He rose a brow. She flinched a bit from his attitude “please I asked for your help because im trying to run from that kind of treatment Namjoon” she spoke softly and he immediately felt like crap. “ …im sorry Mina…its just, being away from YN so long kind of has me in a really bad mood lately” he looked down saddened.

YN.

She was well aware of your name, it was one her monster of a husband compared her to for years. It wasn’t long after the whole scene between you four at the movies, she found her husband speaking you up more often. Before he’d never mentioned you, only ever telling her that the last girl he dated just wasn't ‘wife material’ . She didn't know he was engaged and sure as hell didn’t know it was to you.

Over the years he’d gotten , angrier , colder, meaner and soon her love for him had died underneath all that. He regretted his actions towards you ,that she could tell. There were times where she would catch him on your online profile or even attempting to contact you through text only to delete it completely and then turn to drinking. Eventually his recent actions had ended aggressively towards her when she finally confronted him about it.

She filed for divorce and was now relying on Namjoon’s help in testifying against Kai. Why Namjoon? Well that was easy. First and foremost, because Kai hated him with a passion and why wouldn’t he?

He was in his place by your side, in kai’s head Namjoon had swooped in and stole you from him. Second because Namjoon was a number one witness to how much of an asshole his old friend is. And last but not least- because he was your husband. It was really you she wanted to talk to, but namjoon would never let that happen. Although Namjoon was completely sure you are in love with him and would never leave him for your ex, the last thing he needed was for you to be caught between that marriage.

So when Mina found herself faced with Namjoon at your apartment’s front door, she was a little more than disappointed.

“ you're not going to put YN in the middle of that” Namjoon scoffed in disbelief.

“I didn't ask you now did I?” Mina protested and crossed her arms. She turned on her heel ready to leave “ I’ll just come find her another time” she said walking away and Namjoon stood thinking for a good second before he thought of another solution. you weren't getting into that, not when you’ve already come so far. “…wait!” She stopped suddenly when he yelled for her to.

She turned back around arching a brow “If you really need a witness that bad Ill help- but you won’t tell anyone what I'm doing with you, especially not YN” he says finally, but there was another untold proposition waiting. She thinks for a second “ and what is it you want in return?” She finally asks. Namjoon frowns before a wicked glint appears in his eyes.

which lead the both of them there in the diner. Mina smiled at him sweetly, slightly adoring his devotion towards you. “ YN was smart falling in love with you over kai” she said softly.

“ she really dodged a bullet I can say that.” She sighs.

“... I didn’t really give her much of a choice” he chuckles and so does she,but bitterly. she then reaches for her glasses, taking them off.

Namjoon felt sorrow the second he saw the purple bruised flesh of her eye. “ You're a sweet girl Mina- you didn’t deserve how he treated you” he said quietly.

She just looks at him, swallowing all the anger and sadness she had inside “ isn't it funny?…I'm sure when YN saw us together, she probably wanted nothing but to rip my head off. Strange that at some point I wanted to do the same” she confessed tears brimming her eyes. namjoon however tensed a bit from words, his fists clenching and back stiffening. was she saying shes a threat to you?

Mina noticed and raised her hands up slightly “ listen ...yes at some point through my marriage . I wanted to hurt her. I wanted YN to disappear -to make him forget the girl that ‘broke his heart’… but it took me awhile to get that she wasn't the reason my marriage fell apart. My husband was.” A tear slipped out her eye and down her face.

Namjoon nodded understanding her pain. He knew what it felt like to love someone while their mind was filled with another. It's almost like what he went through with you over kai. He looked down at her fidgeting fingers, noticing that her ring was completely gone now. Oh how he hoped you would never do the same.

You.

that's what his mind kept going back to, even while he was talking to her. So Joon couldn’t help but ask what he’d come to hear this whole time “ Mina, please tell me ..did you-“

“Win?” She finished for him with a straight face and he gulped. “…yes, I did” she smiled brightly. the man had visibly sagged back in relief before standing up and hugging the girl so hard he nearly knocked her and her chair over.

She won!…which meant joon didn’t have to hide ...which meant he gets to see you-

“Joonie?”

5:12 pm

Maybe it was the way your body was visibly stiffened as you walk, maybe it was your fists being clutched tightly at your side, or maybe it was that you hadn't uttered a single word to the boys after leaving the store.

yup you were mad.

Although strangely you stayed calm and both tae and hoseok could tell it was just a matter of time before you exploded. all of you walked down the side of the streets when they finally decided to say something.

“ she heard us- you know she did” tae whispered low so that only hoseok could hear. Hoseok looked to the front of them watching your figure strut slow but passionately. “ you think I can’t see that Taehyung? You think im not currently pissing my pants for when shes going to go off on us?” Hoseok nearly exclaimed.

“The woman suggested to get coffee tae….she hates coffee-yah! ” he yelped, heart beating even faster once he notices you stop abruptly, you spoke with a dangerously low voice and your back turned to them “ you know it's one thing for you to notice im angry, it’s another for you to talk about it behind my back ``. both Tae and hoseok , brace themselves for what was about to come.

“ why? why didn’t you tell me you could get in contact with him?” you then asked.

hoseok started “ YN, he didn’t want us to tell you-”

“he? , what about me?… what about my feelings in this?. why did no one think I needed to know where the love of my life is hiding - or what he’s up to?” you turn towards them. rage like fire burning within your eyes as you go off “ Maybe I was right not to trust you two!… maybe I should have shut you out like I did before. I was so stupid to think you would understand me, that you would help me!” you finished yelling , while the two stood there letting you lay into them shamefully.

“ noona-”

you meet Tae with a stern look, giving him warning. for once he actually rolled his eyes towards you, which riddled you shocked “ YN, I know you’re mad- but you’re being unreasonable! that phone call was the first I received from Joon hyung since he left. I don't know anything happening with him or what he’s up to. I can be here for you , protecting you and trying to cheer you up but its not my job to fix the problem between you and him.” he sighed wearily.

hoseok nodded in agreement before stepping towards you and pulling you into a big hug. “ we love you YN, but you’ve got to understand that were just two bystanders, here to support Namjoon and you. if we didn’t understand , me and tae wouldn’t be taking turns staying over, making sure that you eat, or at least that you have someone around. we want to help, but we can’t do that if you don't trust us” he pulled back to see the same teary eyed YN he’d been used to seeing lately.

“So im overreacting? Is that what you're saying?” You ask in a small voice and not meeting hoseok’s eyes.

It was tae ‘s turn to step to you “ no , you have the right to be mad YN, maybe we’re just not the ones you should be angry at…” he commented. Hoseok looked at him, his eyes wide as ever. He couldn't tell what the hell hadn’t gotten into Taehyung lately. But in the meantime he did calm the situation.

After all that , the three of you had ditched the idea of coffee and decided to get you some ice-cream. You were making your way down the sidewalk when you glanced inside one of the shops you were passing. Your body halts and all the breath in your lungs had suddenly left you paralyzed.

Taehyung, not looking, had collided into you, while hoseok had only made a few more steps before noticing your state. “YN everything alright-?” Hoseok asked you, but you didn’t hear him. Everything was in slow motion and you turned making your way inside of the tiny cafe.

The sound of a screeching chair and the tall figure that was only mere feet away from you , is the only thing you could find yourself focusing on. You looked at him and realized how right Tae was, they weren’t who you were angry at. It was a married man in a cafe, hugging the same woman you’d caught him sneaking with a couple nights ago.

He looked- happy.Excited even. No doubt the woman was just telling him something he wanted to hear. His breathing was heavy and your heart sank when his dimpled smile disappeared the moment he noticed you behind him.

“Joonie?”

“Oh. Fuck” he clearly commented, mostly to himself before jumping away from the woman like she was fire. You scoff in hurt and take a step back as he tried to step toward you “ YN? ….what are you-?.. baby I promise you this isn’t what it looks like”.

“ don't bother promising anything when you can't keep them Namjoon” you spat immediately and He winced from hearing his full name come out your mouth.

No , he only liked when you called him Joonie.

You shake your head in disbelief, eyes landing back on the girl who now looked oddly familiar…

They widen and you can't help but look back to joon - tears immediately crashing down your face “ oh…you’ve got to be joking….” You say low at first, but when you reach closer to the similar details of her face- irony had smacked you right in yours.

“ ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS NAMJOON? MINA?!?” You yelled before clenching your teeth. you started towards him hands tightened when both boys grabbed your arms.

“YN STOP!”

“Noona please!”

tae and hoseok tried to calm you, they tried to bring you back down before you did something you’d regret. You shrugged the two boys off of you “both of you shut the hell up!” You sneered while speed walking over to your ‘husband’ .

Namjoon saw this and held up his hands in surrender to you “YN, listen to me-”

You were so angry you saw red and you weren’t thinking clearly. It was too late before you realized and you couldn't stop your right hand from connecting with Namjoon’s cheek. A loud smack rang throughout the coffee shop, causing everyone around to go silent.

“My ex-fiancee wasn’t enough , so you went after my husband?” You glared at her. You couldn’t believe you ever felt bad for her. Mina shrinks back from you a bit but her stare goes right back to the man in front of you.

Namjoon-stunned from the sudden assault looked back up at you for what felt like 10 regretful minutes. You’ve never put your hands on him.ever. Neither had he to you. So it didn’t shock you when you saw that his eyes began to water just a bit. What did shock you however was the cold look that took its place immediately.

Oh my god, what have you done? You thought to yourself. Your hands were suddenly shaky and you found yourself rambling on with excuses “Joon ...I-I…Im so sorry- I was just so angry!. I mean how could you choose her over me? After everything you knew I went through? Was I really not enough for you?…I could’ve been better ...you should have told me.” Your voice shook with every word and every sentence had only made Namjoon angrier.

God if you thought you were angry -it was nothing compared to how namjoon felt. He was livid, but he wasn’t going to show it here. No Namjoon wasn’t going to make more of a scene you had already caused.

So he didn’t. Instead he turned around to Mina, with a stoic expression plastered on his face. Mina herself gulped, because the last time she’d seen him so worked up he’d ended up Kicking her husband’s ass with only a few punches. Something even told her that not even you haven't seen your own husband as angry he is.

“I think our business here is done. I'm sorry you went through that, glad to help as much as I could.” He said to her through a emotionless voice.

Mina nodded, flashing a quick smile to him before landing her gaze back to you. You frowned and it only deepened when her stare turned icy, matching yours when joon turned away from her. She could only envy how lucky you were to have a man as amazing as him.

“Hoseok…Tae…” Namjoon called breaking both of their trances. They simultaneously answer him ‘yes’, avoiding any eye contact with you. “ you guys can head home” he starts and you flinch when his arm wraps gently around your waist to walk the both of you out of the cafe.

“I can handle it from here”

7:46 pm

“I can handle it from here”

Joon smiled down at you who was struggling to lock the store’s back door. You were in the middle of a mini-mental breakdown, when your husband appeared from upstairs and offered to take over. “ Joonie!” you greeted before blushing . “ I uh…couldn't get the door to close” you let out a nervous laugh and stepped back leaving a space for him to come between.

“ you have me come lock this for you all the time- I don't know how you still get nervous to ask” he chuckled before bracing his hands on one of the handles. His arms stiffened, pushing forward while pressuring the door inwards. He lifts it up just a bit and “ Ta-Da!….once again” Joon forces the door in place. “My big strong hero” you beam standing up on your toes, pecking the cute dimple on his cheek and then his lips.

The memory plays in your mind when you realize you weren’t in your bookstore and that that had been the last time a good moment happened between you two. instead you were currently seated in Namjoon’s car driving right past the very place. The silence wasn’t awkward, though it was anything but comfortable. Every now and then you would glance Over to your husband to find him glaring permanently down the road. His hands wrapped tightly around his steering wheel when he makes a left down an unfamiliar road.

You frown ,looking out your side to see stores and homes you’ve never passed before. You then look back over to your husband “ this isn’t our way home…” you say but each word got weak the moment his hard eyes looked your way. You swallowed, your stomach turning from the multiple emotions of your husband’s attitude. You cross your legs and suddenly your fingers looking very interesting. Okay now the silence was awkward and uncomfortable.

“Not going home” he muttered “ If we go home , those two will come bother us” . He then glanced at you eyes no longer livid but there was definitely another intimidating emotion within them “ I don’t want anyone interrupting us”

“Where are you taking me namjoon?” You asked nervously. You just couldn’t help it, normally you’d follow him anywhere -no hesitation and no questions. Albeit that was when you had trust for him and he was never this angry with you.

Namjoon himself , noticed this. he was used to whisking you off somewhere, always surprising you with little romantic dates or just small getaways and You’d sit peacefully beside him, smiling like crazy because you knew exactly what kind of evening was in store. But now you were timid , shrinking back the second he even looked your way. He doesn’t answer you, refusing to talk to you anymore than he already did and for the umpteenth time that evening your heart sunk in your chest.

Eventually, he pulls up to a new location and you do as he does, getting out of the car. You then follow him up a driveway and through a path of a comfortable white house. It wasn’t small but it also wasn't too big -a whole family could definitely live in it.

“Joon who’s house is this?” You ask ,stopping suddenly in your tracks. You’ve never seen or heard of this house before, but it was beautiful. You hadn’t even walked inside and you immediately fell in love with it. namjoon takes out his keys to open the door, ignoring your question. He unlocks it , standing aside patiently, in which you assumed it was for you to go in.

Its dark. All the lights were off you very faintly make out all the objects that was probably making up the living area. You noticed the picture sitting at a table near the big white couch on your left. You aim for it, Hands picking it up so gently and that's when the lights come on.

You gasp.

“Do you like it?” You suddenly hear your husband’s voice. You turn to him behind you , he stood leaning back on the door ,arms crossed, eyes not longer cold but warily hopeful.

“I-“ you look back down to the picture of you and him on your wedding day. It was you gazing up loving at him in your white wedding dress, while one of his hands cupped your cheek ready to kiss his bride. Your eyes began to water…

“I don’t know what's happening, why is our picture here?” You looked at him confused. What was he trying to do?

“4 years ago today, I told you how deeply in love I am with you ...how perfect you are for me. I promised you that I would never make you feel like you weren’t enough….it seems I somehow managed to break that” he bites his lip “ YN despite everything thats happened, I don't feel any different and I never did. You're still perfect to me… I didn’t cheat on you.”

Namjoon walks up to you but slowly “ this house is for us. I bought it about a year ago, these past few weeks I was here getting it furnished, but it's not the only reason I was gone” he finally reaches you grabbing both your hands in his and you hesitate a bit. He breathes “ Mina and Kai are divorced…a few weeks ago she came to ask you for help. You weren’t home so I told her no for you. Instead I took your place”

He saw you getting ready to protest but quickly explains his reason “ I didn’t want you in the middle of that. I don’t know if you remember but you were the one that was affected most by their marriage. I didn’t want all those years of you rebuilding yourself to go to waste if you got involved. So in return, I asked for her to help with the house - our house. Also…I just -I guess a little part of me was scared you’d pounce on the chance of kai being single again.”

And with that ,You rip hands away immediately “pounce on him?, namjoon why would I leave the perfect guy for the exact opposite?” You wanted to yell at him. You just couldn't understand how he could still feel like you would choose someone like kai over him. He looked down and for a good second he looked like he wanted to cry again. Your animosity towards him began to die down when he utters his next words.

“Im sorry but im not perfect YN- look what I did to you, I made you so sad that you don't trust me anymore, I made you so angry y-you actually hit me.” He said so low but you heard loud enough as if he yelled it. You shake your head ,regret and a lot of guilt flowing through you.

He blamed himself …for your ignorance.

“I shouldn’t have done that - no matter how angry I was - joonie I shouldn’t have hit you.” You walk up to him wrapping your arms around his waist while he stood still in your embrace, your head resting comfortably on his chest and you could hear how fast his heart was beating. Still just for you…

“I am so ...so sorry namjoon. I don't care if you cheat on me with 5 girls. I will never put my hands on you again. I was wrong, not you” your emotions poured out of you and you hoped he would forgive you.

“We were both wrong” he concluded, engulfing you in an even bigger hug than you were giving him. “And we’re both not perfect” you retorted. The both of you stood there, embracing long awaited warmth of each other.

“How long has it been since I’ve held you in my arms like this?” He mumbles with his cheek pressed to the top of your head.

“Too long…” you reply bitterly before looking up to his eyes. There is a slight pause just before his lips touch down gently to yours in a sweet kiss. At first there is no tongue, no aggressiveness- just a slow passion of finally having you all to himself again. When he feels you relax into him, he then deepens the kiss. hugging you tighter and letting out a long groan of satisfaction.

After nearly five minutes of making out , he pulls away from you, breathing heavily and leaving you in a euphoric daze. “ I want to start a family….” he huffs out and you snap back into reality immediately.

“W-what?” You swallow.

“ this house…I didn’t just get it because I wanted it for you and me YN. I.. wanted it for us and our kids” he looks around the room roaming over the cream colored walls and then back you.

The smile on his face then falters and you guessed it was because your’s was emotionless.

“YN? …babe please say something-“ he tries but you stop him.

“ no, no - just give me a second” you swallow once again to let your brain process everything this man was telling you. He bought this house for you, you and him, your family. A loving warmth grows in your heart when you remember the words he said to you 4 years ago.

“I can give you everything, if you let me”

“So let me get this straight. “ you started “You didn’t cheat on me, you bought this house, and you want little copies of us” you motioned between the two of you “-two adult fuck up-running around said house?” You nearly squeaked.

“Oh my god , you’re serious?” You say incredulously with a wry smile etched into your face.

Namjoon bites back his. “ im serious about everything I say when it comes to you YN” his hands fell on your hips and he pulls you closer, letting you feel just how serious he was.

And boy was he.

Your thighs instantly clamp together. Just the thought of him getting hard from the idea of you having his kids , makes you yourself wet. “So..when did you want to start?” You lick your lips , mouth suddenly feeling dry. The loving gaze he’d once had set on you turning into a dark one.

he leans in, making your faces only inches apart “Oh you know , anytime you want really. It could be next week…..tomorrow-” he pecks your lips , nipping at the bottom one before tugging on it between his own “right now” he says huskily, already backing up into what you assume was the white couch.

He falls back bringing you with him and you yelp before giggling in surprise. It doesn’t last long when he lifts your lips to his in heated kiss. You crawl up on him , straddling him so that your clothed heat pushes against his erection. He moans softly , already tugging on the bands of your pants impatiently.

You pulled back , reaching for his shirt and he sits up slightly to pull it over his head. Namjoon then falls back down running his hands up your thighs and finally reaching your shirt to do the same and then your bra. He brings you back into him , attacking you with his mouth, leading slowly down your neck. He stops just above where your shoulder connects and nearly pouts that the last mark has disappeared. Oh well he could change that…

He kisses the spot but only to suck on it hard , releasing a satisfied moan from you. “Joonie…” you breathed loudly, your hands run through his hair when his head dips lower repeating the same process down the valley of your breasts. The grip he has on your ass tightens and he didn’t think he could wait much longer.

Namjoon stands, his hands flying for the button of your jeans and you let him tug them gently down your legs along with your underwear. He pecks your inner thigh and you watch him breathless when he rises to undo his own. No matter how many times you had been together you always find yourself mesmerized whenever your husband’s thick length springs free from his briefs.

His body crashes into yours and before you could process what was happening - he’d already had you pinned down into the couch with him on top of you “ wait right here? On this couch?” You paused heart beating faster than before when it dawned on you just exactly where you and namjoon were about to try for a baby. “YN, its our house I can fuck you wherever I want” he chuckles but underneath his humor, you see how uncomfortably ready he was to continue.

He hadnt had sex in weeks so the last thing he needed was you asking him questions about your actions in a new area. “You sure the owner won't be mad at us?” You teased him , lifting your hips just a bit to nudge yourself on him. He exhales dipping his hips for more pressure “he insists” he says finally.

“ okay” you whisper before parting your thighs wider for him . He braces one hand by your head , kissing you slowly while his cock begins to slide into you the same. He stretches you, filling your pussy all the way even surpassing your g spot and your back arches “y-yes, god yes!” you cry out in pleasure while his hips pull back before snapping harshly into you. He repeats this multiple times , pulling out all the way before fucking deep into you with one swift motion. Each stroke gave you so much pleasure and each one taking your breath away.

This was when you realized he was making love to you. Taking his time to show you just how much he missed you .“ I promise I’ll never stay away that long again baby- fuuck- you feel even better than before” he praises you , landing another powerful thrust and you head flys back. “Angh….joon…angh deeper please!” you begged him , hips bucking to his trying to coax him into going a bit fast . But he doesn't - he continues to take slow controlled thrusts- even lifting your left leg during the process.

This goes on for a while and you could feel your release ready to hit you any moment. Namjoon could tell you were close and so was he. He swirled his hips stroking just a bit faster to feel your legs begin to shake and your tight walls clamp around him. “ Joon -oh …faster!” You writhed under him needing the friction.

“ fuck me faster please -im so close…..so so close!” Your head shoots for the crook of his neck when the familiar sweet burn erupts from pit of your core and fires all over your body. It shakes you and you buck uncontrollably while your eyes roll back in pleasure. Your nails digging deep into his shoulder blades and namjoon thrusts a few more times before his equally as powerful release shoots into you at an alarming rate.

“Fuck YN !, fuck baby I love you so much” he breathes, finally collapsing on top of you from the most intense orgasms you’d ever had. He slips out of you and you whimper “I love you too joonie”

he stays resting between your legs. It feels like hours go by with the both you lying peacefully still and exhausted by each other. Namjoon’s head lays comfortably on your bare chest when he speaks “ if we have a girl…I hope she looks just like you” he mumbled. You smile and you heart flutters the man’s words . You thought if you had a son you did want him to just take his father’s looks.

“ If we have a boy…I hope he’s just as perfect as you”

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somnilogical · 4 years

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modular "ethics":

a wrong and two rights make a right

<<I've been known to cause outrage by suggesting that people who really care about something shouldn't have romantic relationships. Think what would happen if I dared to suggest that those people should also seriously consider getting castrated. That would be crazy! And who am I to suggest that basically everyone claiming to be doing good is faking it? Then people would feel bad about themselves. We can't have that!>>

https://squirrelinhell.blogspot.com/2018/02/men-have-women-are.html

previously i talked about an infohazard about altruism that seemed to fuck with grognor. it feels useful to pass by the dead and look at their lives and choices.

i dont think that castrating yourself is a good intervention for doing stuff you care about, like this is patchwork constraints for an unaligned optimizer. if you arent altruistically aligned from core values, castrating yourself wont make you more aligned.

the "altruists" having babies thing is actual insane and pasek is right about that. pretty much all of society will try and gaslight you about this the way sometimes people are gaslit about "i need to have sex with lots of attractive fems to keep up my moral so i can do super good stuff afterwards.". like if people want to do good for the world it will flow out as a continuous expression of value not some brent dill kind of deal that institutions like CFAR accepted until there was too much social pressure for them to maintain this facade.

the entire premise that morality is this modular thing and you can help set the utility function of an FAI while being a terrible person, is wrong. yet organizations like CFAR keep thinking it will work out for them:

<<We believe that Brent is fundamentally oriented towards helping people grow to be the best versions of themselves. In this way he is aligned with CFAR’s goals and strategy and should be seen as an ally.

In particular, Brent is quite good at breaking out of standard social frames and making use of unconventional techniques and strategies. This includes things that have Chesterton’s fences attached, such as drug use, weird storytelling, etc. A lot of his aesthetic is dark, and this sometimes makes him come across as evil or machiavellian.

Brent also embodies a rare kind of agency and sense of heroic responsibility. This has caused him to take the lead in certain events and be an important community hub and driver. The flip side of this is that because Brent is deeply insecure, he has to constantly fight urges to seize power and protect himself. It often takes costly signalling for him to trust that someone is an ally, and even then it’s shaky.

Brent is a controversial figure, and disliked by many. This has led to him being attacked by many and held to a higher standard than most. In these ways his feelings of insecurity are justified. He also has had a hard life, including a traumatic childhood. Much of the reason people don’t like him comes from a kind of intuition or aesthetic feeling, rather than his actions per se.

Brent’s attraction to women (in the opinion of the council) sometimes interferes with his good judgement. Brent knows that his judgement is sometimes flawed, and has often sought the help of others to check his actions. Whether or not this kind of social binding is successful is not obvious.>>

https://pastebin.com/fzwYfDNq

<<AnnaSalamon 2/6/09, 5:54 AM

Aleksei, I don’t know what you think about the current existential risks situation, but that situation changed me in the direction of your comment. I used to think that to have a good impact on the world, you had to be an intrinsically good person. I used to think that the day to day manner in which I treated the people around me, the details of my motives and self-knowledge, etc. just naturally served as an indicator for the positive impact I did or didn’t have on global goodness.

(It was a dumb thing to think, maintained by an elaborate network of rationalizations that I thought of as virtuous, much the way many people think of their political “beliefs”/clothes as virtuous. My beliefs were also maintained by not bothering to take an actually careful look either at global catastrophic risks or even at the details of e.g. global poverty. But my impression is that it’s fairly common to just suppose that our intuitive moral self-evaluations (or others’ evaluations of how good of people we are) map tolerably well onto actual good consequences.)

Anyhow: now, it looks to me as though most of those “good people”, living intrinsically worthwhile lives, aren’t contributing squat to global goodness compared to what they could contribute if they spent even a small fraction of their time/money on a serious attempt to shut up and multiply. The network of moral intuitions I grew up in is… not exactly worthless; it does help with intrinsically worthwhile lives, and, more to the point, with the details of how to actually build the kinds of reasonable human relationships that you need for parts of the “shut up and multiply”-motivated efforts to work… but, for most people, it’s basically not very connected to how much good they do or don’t do in the world. If you like, this is good news: for a ridiculously small sum of effort (e.g., a $500 donation to SIAI; the earning power of seven ten-thousandths of your life if you earn the US minimum wage), you can do more expected-good than perhaps 99.9% of Earth’s population. (You may be able to do still more expected-good by taking that time and thinking carefully about what most impacts global goodness and whether anyone’s doing it.)>>

https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/4pov2tL6SEC23wrkq/epilogue-atonement-8-8

like opposing this isnt self-denying moral aestheticism or a signalling game of how good you can look (credibly signalling virtue is actually a good thing, i wish more people did it by for instance demonstrating how they win in a way that wouldnt work if they werent aligned. whose power seeded from their alignment.). its like... the alternative where people do things that it makes no sense for an altruist to do and then say that when they go to their day jobs they are super duper altruistic they swear; compartmentalizing in this way ...doesnt actually work.

people who want to obscure what altruism looks like will claim that this is moving around a social schelling point for who is to be ostracized. and that altruism as a characteristic of a brain isnt a cluster-in-reality that you can talk about. because it will be coopted by malicious actors as a laser to unjustly zap people with. these people are wrong.

both EA and CFAR are premised on some sort of CDT modular morality working. it is actually pretending to do CDT optimization because like with brent at each timestep they are pretending to think "how can we optimize utility moving forward?" (really i suspect they are just straight up mindcontrolled by brent, finding ways to serve their master because they used force and the people at CFAR were bad at decision theory) instead of seeking to be agents such that brent when brents plans to predate on people ran through them, he would model it as more trouble than it was worth and wouldnt do this in the first place.

CFAR and EA will do things like allowing someone to predate on women because they are "insightful" or creating a social reality where people with genetic biases who personally devote massive amounts of time and money to babies who happen to be genetically related to them and then in their day job act "altruistically". as long as it all adds up to net positive, its okay right?

but thats not how it works and structures built off of this are utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life. in just the same way that "scientists" who when they arent at their day jobs are theists are an utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life.

<<Maybe we can beat the proverb—be rational in our personal lives, not just our professional lives. We shouldn’t let a mere proverb stop us: “A witty saying proves nothing,” as Voltaire said. Maybe we can do better, if we study enough probability theory to know why the rules work, and enough experimental psychology to see how they apply in real-world cases—if we can learn to look at the water. An ambition like that lacks the comfortable modesty of being able to confess that, outside your specialty, you’re no better than anyone else. But if our theories of rationality don’t generalize to everyday life, we’re doing something wrong. It’s not a different universe inside and outside the laboratory.>>

to save the world it doesnt help to castrate yourself and make extra super sure not to have babies. people's values are already what they are, their choices have already been made. these sort of ad-hoc patches are what wrangling an unaligned agent looks like. and the output of an unaligned agent with a bunch of patches, isnt worth much. would you delegate important tasks to an unaligned AI that was patched up after each time it gave a bad output?

it does mean that if after they know about the world and what they can do, people still say that they specifically should have babies, i mark them as having a kind of damage and route around them.

someone not having babies doesnt automatically mark them as someone id pour optimization energy into expecting it to combine towards good ends. the metrics i use are cryptographically secure from being goodharted. so i can talk openly about traits i use to discern between people without worrying about people reading about this and using it to gum up my epistemics.

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pbandjesse · 4 years

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Today was an alright day. The weather wasnt as nice. It was mostly grey. But it wasnt a bad day. I was just very tired for all of it. I know its because I dont sleep great. But I am trying my best.

I had very active dreams last night. In the one I remember James sucker punched Joe Biden. I woke up around 9 and I was just so not happy about it. James came and laid with me for a little while. But I got up and he had to leave for work. He had a very long day today.

I got a shower and got dressed but I didnt want to do anything for a long time. I didnt even eat breakfast until almost noon. I just walked around our island in animal crossing. I made a project of moving some stuff around. I brought the whole zoo down to one level. And told myself that once that was done I would get off and do something else. And I did do that.

I cleaned. I did the dishes. I worked on some art. I painted my little house a bit more. Its not done but I am getting pretty happy with it. I also worked a little on drawings for the BMI project. I had to email the girls to tell them an idea I had before I did to much work. But I had some sketches laid down and I felt good about that.

I spent much of the afternoon laying in bed just feeling very tired. I did my eye brows but I never got around to trimming my bangs. I played a little more AC. I wanted to sleep but I couldnt put my phone down. I was really happy when James got home.

Once he was here we chilled for a little while but soon we were dressed and heading out. We had a social distance green space gathering to go to in his families neighborhood.

We were both nervous. We had masks but I didnt know how many people would be there. It was just like a neighborhood meet up so it could be more then I would be comfortable with. His parents got the grill out. I was very very aware of everyone around us and their behavior. Most people stayed distant and most had masks. But it was really nice talking to people. I saw some hand behavior (older woman licking her fingers??? what are you doing??) but besides that it was good. I enjoyed talking but I also wanted to leave after an hour. Which was just fine. We got some of the strawberry shortcake James's mom made for his sister's birthday yesterday, to go. And headed back to the apartment.

I was glad to be back. I cleaned my hands and got changed. I just felt very tired. James had his trivia and I went and laid in the studio and watched videos while he played.

And now we are on the couch. Waiting for clothes to be dry. And I am very much ready for bed.

Im not sure what tomorrow will be like. I have no idea if we have a meeting because. Its technically a holiday I guess. So I dont know whats up. I dont even know if were supposed to have class honestly. I feel like we werent given any direction on that one. We only have like 2 weeks left so Im really not even sure whats going on. I just want to be done so bad. I hate every bit of the work because they make it all so fiddly and annoying. Like if I could just make projects we would be just fine but no its also write out in detail as if I was talking to someone who has never picked up an art supply in their life and it kills me.

Whatever. I am thankful for the work I do have even if I find it terrible. Soon I wont have any jobs really so I guess I should try while I can. I am being dark about it right now but like. Its fine. Were honestly fine financially. I will find a job again when things calm down, but Im not going to beat myself up to hard this summer. It will all be okay. Because it has to be.

Goodnight everyone. Be safe.

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osomanga · 5 years

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Ogata’s Grandparent’s House

It’s insides are from the:-

Akiyama Family Herring House- 秋山家漁家

which was Zenjirou Shibukawa’s hideout(ch 21)

Momonosuke’s Grandparent’s house

(ya know his name can be read Momo...kid-gata I been calling Momo of late)

This room:-

is based on this room in Kuramasa Ryokan 来正旅館(src)

(which room was also reused in later chapters)

And this building keeps appearing in other chapters too. Notably, the exterior side looks similar to a building near Hanazawa’s house where Ogata gets into the carriage after killing him.

Also, the side appeared in:-

Remainder are from the Akiyama Family Farmhouse(src)

The Kitchen:-

The Room with chopped-wood and...a fishing net??

(and there were fish above too!! Behind mom. Obviously not monkfish those stuff are flat and devilish. Errr...them affording monkfish...later)

Noda emphasized the worn-out look of the house- the tears in the paper screen and other indicators of their situation, including Momogata’s neat but worn and untidily darned clothes.

The side rooms are like this:-

(all rooms are connected by sliding doors)

This small blog about Ibaraki’s local speciality natto and its local coastal delicacy Ankou Nabe got me a wondering...they probably would have ‘had to make it’ so it was cheap not that it was cheap. Also, Anko was made more expensive coz its hard to transport even within the state...did they live more coastally? Also it would depend on how they view Mt Tsukuba...but I’ve no clue.

Also, I can’t find the exterior house that was shown behind Ogata though...it was either a dormitory or a farmhouse or something I can’t remember:-

The anime really did a great with this particular episode...even details somewhat.

Only, when he sits alone by his deceased mother’s side in a way feels like to drive home the ‘you never came’. In the manga...

I like to think thats a shoulder beside momogata coz of the angle and I like to think it’s his granny...(the one thing with him is, he def. was a obaachanko. On that note, I am terrible at reading faces but...)

About this room... twitter: yadoi wrote on it... Its also based on the Ryokan. And its the mirror-reverse view of the part above Kiro and Ienaga’s head:-

(This keeps knocking me on the head with a strange thought)

And there is this...(src: twitter)

Is that Mt. Tsukuba behind Ogata and his mom??

Surprisingly, the one behind his mom looks a lot more like a completely different mountain range...

Fugu in the west, Anko in the east.

and

Fuji in the west, Tsukuba in the East…

Ogata’s just a toumen chome(damn that name. Toumen means easterly and I’ll pun chome with tome as well coz I can), i.e. an east facing butterfly.

Mt Tsukuba:-

It looks a little different from different parts:-

They look like twin peaks(as they are supposed to)

They look like three peaks.

They look like a range with a distinct twinned peak...

It looks like a range...

Ironically twin peaks, like most of whatever twins in nature, stand for either marriage or a couple by Shinto myth. Mt Tsukuba is considered to symbolize Izanami and Izanagi, the first two that created the island of Japan. Yep, the Adam and E…no, Lilith. (Lilith topped, Izanami spoke first, ya know stuff women werent supposed ta do that thus caused discord)

When the fire god Kagutsuchi was born to her, Izanami died of burn injuries. In the underworld, Izanami turned into Peresphone if Peresphone were a half-rotten-dead ghastly being for having eaten part of the food of the underworld. Izanagi who’d come to rescue her looked at her despite her warning him not to(equivalent of Orpheus and Eurydice) and in horror banished/abandoned/gave up on her forevesr.

However, people pray at the various shrines(like Tsukuba shrine) there for a good marriage, and good relation since at least till Kagustsuchi was born they’d had a good marriage. And also for a good family life and good fortune for children.

To add more iron into the mix, 203 hills are also twin peaks.

#golden kamuy #gk 103 #ogata hyakunosuke #ogata's grandmother #ogata's mother #ogata's grandparent's house #gk trivia #gk places

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skullssales · 5 years

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Costume: The Language of Fashion

Welcome to the unending Knot! As we put together for Halloween, lets take a appear on the customized of costumes. Costume and customized are eventually the identical word, costume being only the custom of how one dresses, however these two varieties of the phrase got here into English by way of extraordinary paths. Each are from Latin consuetudo which means custom, dependancy tracing its source back to a Proto-Indo-European root which means oneself, which also offers us the words self, suicide (killing oneself), idiom (ones possess means), and ethnic (a band of people dwelling together). At bottom, then, costumes and customs are approaches we outline ourselves. So Im going to take a seem at one of the most language of fashion, and also at how trend can perform as a language, communicating your status, background, identity and more to the arena round you. Customized came into English first, in the 13th century, through Anglo-Norman French within the feel of ordinary apply. Costume however came by means of Italian after which French to arrive in English within the seventeenth century as a technical time period within the quality arts to consult the type of portray or sculpture of a unique historical period.

Costume step by step came to refer to garb rather, now not handiest in the basic experience (as in bathing costume), but in addition the specialized feel of apparel of a special tradition or time (think custom), as in a national costume. Of course the feel of costume we are inclined to believe of first is the outfit worn for specific events reminiscent of Halloween, Mardi Gras, or a fancy gown celebration. A further contemporary phenomenon is cosplay, a eastern portmanteau of the English phrases costume and play, where contributors dress up to recreate characters from a sort of media including comics, video video games and films. Cosplay is extra than just hanging on a dressing up, thoughit has developed right into a highly complex tradition with specified subgroups, in which the choice and variety of costume indicators allegiance to a certain fandom, may also be an outlet for creativity and for difficult stereotypes and cultural norms, and also can point out facets of your price method to different contributors of the group.

However its no longer simplest what we think of as costumes that can participate in this operate. Fashion has continuously been principal in marking ingroups and outgroups, equivalent to whether youre a part of a unique social, religious, or political motion, if you happen to belong to a unique subculture, or effectively how cool you’re. One severe example of this is the macaroni. In and across the 18th century it used to be fashionable for younger guys of way to go on the so-referred to as Grand Tour to Europe to absorb the finer features of European culture and history. Within the 1760s a bunch of such vacationers grew to be enamoured of Italian tradition, as a result the macaroni membership, and took to carrying outlandishly exaggerated patterns of apparel and fashion, with bright colours, much lace, gold embroidery, and comically oversized wigs.

In succeeding generations there was once both an outgrowth and a backlash to this trend known as dandyism, led partly by way of essentially the most noted dandy Beau Brummell, which used to be equally obsessive about matters of sort, however as an alternative moved closer to a incredibly refined look with dark colours, exquisitely tailored clothes, long trousers instead of breeches, and difficult neckties. This kind set the trend for the formal mens go well with that we still know at present. These trend traits grew to be immortalized within the track Yankee Doodle, wherein the uncouth American, most likely not part of the ingroup, rides into city on a pony as an alternative than a horse, and considers the mere ornament of a feather in his cap adequate to qualify him as macaroni making him a Yankee Doodle dandy! Now, its no accident that costume and custom come from the same root, as we are able to inform by means of watching at a parallel pair of words, habit and addiction. That is, dependancy meaning custom and dependancy that means clothing, as in a nuns dependancy. The phrase, which etymologically means what one has, comes by way of French from the Latin verb habeo that means to have.

Both the English addiction and the Latin habitus might refer to the outside, so ones appearance or in different words garb, and to ones interior or persona, and from this develops the feel of ordinary behaviour. Latin habeo goes back to a Proto-Indo-European root this means that to provide, acquire (observe the reciprocal nature of this phrase), and correctly gives us the phrase give, though fairly not the phrase have, although the 2 roots do share a an identical semantic development indeed behaviour, concerning have, mirrors addiction within the sense of routine action. While the word dependancy used to consult clothing frequently, today its customarily restricted to the apparel of monks and nuns.

Another detail of a nuns dependancy that used to be fashioned to ladies mostly was the wimple, a form of material that covered the pinnacle and neck as much as the chin, as it was once viewed immodest for a lady to show her hair. Of course trend changes and the wimple was once dropped by means of every person except nuns, and instead different adornments had been observed for the necks of females, such because the gorget or gorgias, a style of throat protecting which derives its name from the French phrase for throat. This new apparel used to be considered so fashionable that we get the word gorgeous from it. Unless you consider the alternate conception that the phrase is a reference to the Greek thinker Gorgias who used to be apparently really into luxurious and displaying it off.

He was mainly recognized for praise rhetoric and wrote a reward piece for Helen of Troy, whose gorgeousness kicked off the Trojan conflict, exonerating her from any blame. A further neck masking that became standard within the later core ages and early today’s durations was once St Audreys lace, so known as in view that it used to be offered at St Audreys fair. St Audrey, or to offer the long-established Anglo-Saxon variant of her name thelthryth, used to experience necklaces in her early life, and when later in life she bought a horrible tumour on her neck, she took it as divine retribution for her self-importance, a story acknowledged through the Venerable Bede in his Ecclesiastical historical past of the English persons. So i suppose these St Audreys laces have been thought of as modesty preservers. Best as soon as again, trend alterations and by the 17th century these laces came to be inspiration of as inexpensive and gaudy, and so St Audrey used to be shortened to our pejorative phrase tawdry. Bad Audrey, what a legacy! But getting back to those wimples, the source of the word wimple will not be distinct, however it’ll come from a Proto-Indo-European root this means that to turn (as in a cloth wrapped around the head), a root which also gives us the words wipe, whip, and vibrate.

This root additionally gives us the word gimp. No no longer that gimp, however a kind of braided twine used for trimming fabric and in lace–like St Audreys lace, I suppose. Although speakme of that other type of gimp (to not mention whips i assume), this would remind us of yet another part of fashion, apparel fetishes, though perhaps the less stated about that the simpler, notably within the context of nuns! Getting back to these nuns, at the same time they had been covering their hair for modesty, the monks were doings whatever altogether distinct with theirs.

Tonsure, from the Latin for barber, is the shaving of some part of the hair in order to exhibit religious devotion. Extraordinary devout traditions have different patterns of shaving, like for illustration in the Roman church where the very prime of the top is shaved. The Irish church within the medieval period, alternatively, had another pattern of tonsure, a point of so much competition. Certainly the Venerable Bede (don’t forget he wrote about Saint Audrey) connects this difference to the corresponding change between the Roman and Irish approaches of calculating Easter, and the fine climactic second of victory in his historical past is when the English definitively adopt the Roman practise over the Irish. An instance the place coiffure rather did make a decision ingroup and outgroup! No person now really knows what that Irish tonsure used to be like as descriptions are vague, however one suggestion is that the hair was shaved at the front ear to ear however allowed to grow at the back.

So business within the front, celebration within the again? Genuinely there may be a different candidate for the medieval mullet. In the 6th century Procopius wrote of this coiffure in Constantinople where it used to be known as the Hunnic appear. Incidentally, the modern day word mullet for the hairstyle seems to go back best to the Beastie Boys 1994 tune Mullet Head, although some sources additionally point to the 1967 movie Cool Hand Luke wherein the time period mullet head is used, though its not absolutely clear that this is a reference to shaggy hair. The expression mullet head goes again to the 19th century within the feel a silly individual, and springs from the fish mullet, whose title can most likely be traced again to a root that means black. So clearly hairstyle like garb is an essential marker of fashion and thus costume and custom. There had been of path many top notch hairstyles over time, many with fascinating etymologies.

Famous might be are sideburns, named after the the united states Civil warfare normal Ambrose Burnside. Within the seventeenth century when King Louis XIV of France started to lose his hair very likely as a result of syphilis, his donning of a wig kicked off a trend for wigs. Even folks who werent thinning on prime began to put on them. That is what we could now call a celeb fashion pattern. A equivalent trend trend sparked through sickness round that equal time was once the fashion for wearing synthetic beauty marks, at first to hide scars left through smallpox, however soon as a fashionable item in itself. An additional superstar hair fashion was once the pompadour, named in honour of Madame de Pompadour, mistress of Louis the XV. This trend trend would ultimately return some 200 years later on the heads of the greasers in Nineteen Fifties the united states, most famously exemplified by way of Elvis Presley. Well developments do come and go. Of direction clothing as a marker of tradition has been around ever on the grounds that it moved beyond the in basic terms realistic, however the swiftly moving fashion pattern had to wait except the late core a long time and early modern day period to relatively take off. Official tailors commenced to appear in Europe in the 14th century.

And although the button had been round when you consider that ancient instances, believe or no longer it wasnt unless the thirteenth century in Germany that the buttonhole was once invented, permitting the button for use as a fastener. Both of these traits, the tailor and the button, resulted in extra form fitting garb, as a substitute than the loosely draped type of earlier eras, and this used to be the real impetus for trend trends. Moderate variants in reduce and form would exchange quickly, going inside and outside of type. Maybe the primary first-class runaway trend craze is slashing, in which cuts are made in an outer garment to disclose the lavish materials of the garments underneath. This development began off with Swiss squaddies, after defeating the forces of Charles the bold, duke of Burgundy, threading bits of material taken from the tents and banners of their enemies by means of the holes in their possess ragged clothing.

After they again home, the kind caught on and soon unfold by way of Europe. This displaying off of additional fabric is an example of conspicuous consumption, essentially showing off your wealth, like the prominently displayed fashion designer trademarks of at present. Of path to be competent to show off by means of clothing you had to be of the higher classes. Actually throughout the core ages and early present day interval, legal guidelines have been handed to prevent curb class men and women from dressing above their stage.

You see right now there used to be the upward thrust of the middle type all of a sudden non-nobles had disposable earnings, made out of alternate and manufacture as an alternative than the land owning of the noble classes. So these so-referred to as sumptuary legal guidelines have been handed proscribing what people might wear at one of a kind levels of society. This wasnt of direction the first time such restrictions existed. In ancient Rome, for example, best Roman citizens, in different words free-born Roman men, were allowed to wear togas. It used to be a marker of repute and rank. I someway dont think these Romans would approve of the toga celebration! Speaking of which, that institution tradition started it appears in 1953 at Pomona tuition, and later grew to be noted within the movie country wide Lampoons Animal residence. Nevertheless, before this there is a narrative of First girl Eleanor Roosevelt throwing a toga party to spoof the criticism of her husband FDR as being like a Caesar. As soon as once more, the politics of trend. As for apparel as a marker of repute, even after those sumptuary laws were dropped, it wasnt relatively unless the advent of competent-to-wear clothing, with standardized sizing that you would purchase off the rack with out want of tailoring, that fashion really started to be democratized.

Eventually the center category could be trendy as well. Despite the fact that those outstanding clothier trademarks of today, and the whole haute-couture world, show us that fashion and status are quite still a factor. Getting back to France, the dwelling of trend, a further fashion-setting elite used to be Marie Antoinette, spouse of King Louis XVI, who is the ultimate illustration of excessive extravagance.

It seems that she preferred being known as the queen of trend to the queen of France. Her designer Rose Bertin, who is the primary noted fashion clothier, created the trend doll as a way to disseminate the in trends to Marie Antoinettes loved ones and friends, and this was form of a precursor to the fashion magazine as we know it at present. Really the very first fashion publication was once Castilgliones The guide of the Courtier from the early 16th century, which dealt with etiquette at court docket. The magazine Mercure Galant from the late seventeenth century began to offer advice concerning the trendy tendencies, and by means of the late 18th and early nineteenth century there have been numerous such publications in general with trend plates demonstrating the styles. Marie Antoinettes successor as fashion pattern setter was once the Empress Josephine, wife of Napoleon Bonaparte. Rejecting the lavish styles of Marie, Josephine took a web page from the neoclassical developments of the day and wore attire an identical in variety to the peplos of old Greek females, cinched excessive above the waist.

We now comprehend of this because the empire waist in honour of Empress Josephine. Additionally to being belted on the waist, the old Greek peplos used to be fixed on the shoulders with broaches often called fibulae. Without a doubt the fibula is similar to the modern day defense pin. The protection pin was reinvented in ultra-modern instances by using a man named Walter Hunt, whose other important fashion declare to fame is inventing the lockstitch mechanism that makes the stitching desktop viable. The stitching machine is honestly the mixed work of a number of different inventors coming together. The one to quite make it sensible, viable, and popular was Isaac Singer, who put into practise the today’s manufacturing facility creation approaches to mass produce the machines. Singer was subsequently sued for the patent by way of inventor Elias Howe, who had designed his own lockstitch mechanism, Walter Hunt having declined to patent the thought as he used to be afraid it might put seamstresses out of labor.

But in the end, it was Singers stitching machine that helped to democratize trend, not best making manufacturing of garments more cost-effective and less complicated, however making it possible to do the work in the home. As for Elias Howe, his other fashion claim to status is developing with the primary automatic, steady clothing closure in different phrases the zipper. Unusually, Howe made so much money from his lawsuit in opposition to Singer that he on no account stricken to market his zipper, and it wasnt until the thought used to be later reinvented by way of Whitcomb L. Judson at the finish of the nineteenth century and additional developed by using Gideon Sundback that the general public got the zipper as we know it today.

Incidentally, the word zipper initially talked about the boot it was once designed for, no longer the fastener itself, but the term soon transferred over. At present the zipper is the fastener of alternative on many other forms of garb, such as jackets and probably on trousers, besides on buttonfly denims, the place the button remains as a quaint holdover of days previous. Speaking of jeans, this staple of brand new trend was invented for the nineteenth century gold rush, as the miners wanted tough durable trousers for working in. The tailor Jacob Davis had the proposal of setting up trousers with rivets to make stronger the seams. He bought the hard denim material from wholesaler Levi Strauss, and eventually the 2 went into trade collectively, and Levi denim denims were born. However the language of this fashion predate this invention and is derived from far afield. Jean is an ancient sixteenth century word that comes from the city identify Genoa, and came to consult a rugged variety of fabric that came from there.

The word denim is derived from the French de Nmes meaning from Nmes, a city in southern France. And to high it off, dungaree, one other identify for jeans, comes from the identify of a village in India, Dungri. So this icon of american fashion actually comes from far and wide the sector! And indeed as the globalized 20th and 21st centuries have become more and more fragmented and uncentred we can now not speak a few single trend, and there are some distance too many trends, styles and subcultures to say right here. But probably one of the most hanging that borrows from the prior is the goth style.

Combining retro Victorian patterns with the gloominess of gothic horror fiction, the development used to be taken up via these feeling isolated from and wishing to rebel in opposition to mainstream tradition. And that brings us properly back to Halloween costumes. There seem to be a quantity of traditions that contributed to dressing up in costumes at Halloweenwhich I discussed in some element in my video on Jack-o-Lantern. One part of this practice is that it offers licence to misrule, dressing up in taboo costumes, and breaking average social boundaries. In additional latest years there’s the unfortunate pattern of dressing up in the (regularly stereotyped or caricatured) country wide costumes of other cultures, decreasing these cultures to a type of costume that may be placed on via any individual. Additionally theres the sexualized costumes, chiefly where it creates a pointy contrast, as within the attractive nun costumes. Far from that modest wimple! If trend is a language, might be we should feel about what we’re saying with these costumesand no longer make a habit of it! Thanks for observing! If youve loved these etymological explorations and cultural connections, please subscribe to this channel or share it; you can also signal up for electronic mail notifications of recent videos within the description under.

And verify out our Patreon web page, where which you can make a contribution to help me make more videos go away a remark or query, or tweet @Alliterative; which you could additionally read more of my thoughts on my web publication at alliterative.Internet .

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icharchivist · 6 years

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perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

#ichapersonal

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femikpop · 6 years

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BTS RUN | 29 |

Tittle: BTS RUN | 29 | Words: 1.5K Pairing: Sou/Everyone; 8th Member of BTS Summary: BTS RUN ep. 29 with Sou.

‘This is our dorm. I’m wondering why we are here.’, Hoseok said, beginning the new episode of RUN BTS.

‘Again?’, Namjoon asked.

‘Yeah we’ve shot here three times already.’, Taehyung answered and everybody nodded.

‘Today we’re here to keep our promise a Billboard Hot 100 hit.’, director said.

‘Styling each other.’, Jungkook reminded everybody. Man started to explain all the rules and how will today’s episode go. Everyone was listening carefuly, trying not to miss any detail, that may help them with the game.

‘I wanted to do whole pink outfit, but then I remembered, that I threw away my pink pants.’, Jin said dissapointed. ‘And now I can’t do that.’

‘I hope, that I won’t be in pair with Jin.’, Jungkook said immediately afterwards.

‘I will create look with my favurite pajamas.’, Yoongi announced.

‘Pajamas are cool.’, Jin added and Sou nodded.

‘To be honest I would be happy if I will get pajamas set as the outfit.’, Sou said and Jin agreed with her.

‘If I’m honest, I’m scared the most about Sou.’, Jungkook said, pointing at her.

‘Yeah, she’s the only girl in the group.’, Seokjin said. ‘And she’s so tiny.’, he added in high pitched voice and came closer to pinch her cheeks. Sou immediately slapped his hands, which made everybody laugh.

‘I don’t think there are even one piece of clothing in Sou’s closet, that will fit me.’, Namjoon exclaimed.

‘And, like you said she’s a girl, so dresses and heels and normal things for her.’, Jimin said and Hoseok, that was sitting at the very end, started to whine to himself.

‘She doesn’t wear skirts and heels a lot, so we’re fine.’, Jungkook said, waving at her.

‘But it doesn’t mean, that I don’t have them in my closet.’, Sou went right back with raised eyebrow. Everybody reacted at her comment and poor Jungkook hid face in his hands.

‘I think we should agree, that you won’t give us either skirts or heels.’, Namjoon proposed a deal for her.

‘Let’s try something else.’, she said back to Namjoon, who’s eyes went big in surprise. ‘I will exclude either dresses and skirts or heels.’, Sou said her deal and boys started to thinking about it very hard.

‘But does the term ‘heels’ include boots with heels too?’, Taehyung asked.

‘Everything, that has even the smallest heel I will throw out immediately. So it means, that it will leave you with some trainers or flats.’, she explained to the rest. There was silence for a minute and then boys went together to discuss the deal from Sou.

‘It’s a tought decision and we’re a little torn apart.’, Namjoon said and they nodded.

‘But I think we should exclude dresses and skirts, because there’s no way she’ll find heels in her closet, that will be our size.’, Jungkook said and picked Sou’d foot up, putting his foot near. ‘Look, her feet are almost half my size.’

‘Genius.’, Hoseok said and high fived him.

‘Welcome to my little closet.’, Sou said, opening the door of her wardrobes. She had four in total, but this one was specific. ‘I’m actually really excited for this challenge. Boys are thinking, that all my clothes wiil be too small for them. Well they are really wrong.’, she added and took out big box from the back of her closet. ‘Few months ago, before we went to America, I ordered fe packages of new clothing. But we had to fly a little bit earlier, that we supposed to, so I couldn’t even try these. When we came back two months later, I realised, that they’re too big for me and I couldn’t give them back to the shop.’, she explained, picking out piece by piece from the box.

Sou was really thinking hard about what would be the perfect example of her style. She picked out denim shorts, grey crop top, classic leather jacket, that was always with her and pink button up shirt, that she usually would wear it around her waist.

‘God, I would almost forget about one more thing.’, Sou exclaimed and went back to her closed, picking up one more box. ‘Few days ago, director informed me about this challenge, so that I could prepare. And of course I had to order one more thing, that represents my style perfectly.’, she explained and showed black block heeled boots to the camera. They weren’t high, but they weren’t flat for sure. ‘They picked dresses instead of heels, so I’m not breaking the deal.’

‘Who’s clothes you don’t wanna get?’, camera man asked, making Sou turn back to him. She put her lips to one side of her face and looked up for a second, thinking of an answer.

‘Namjoon.’, she said after a while. Man motioned for her to extend her answer and she took a deep breath. ‘He’s really tall and his clothes will look big on me, especially because he really likes to wear baggy outfits. It’ll drown inside them.’, she added laughing.

All eight members were now in a big while room with their chosen clothers behind them.

‘Let’s look at them!.’, Hoseok said, pointing behind him.

‘I just wanna say, that I don’t want to pick Sou.’, Jungkook said, picking up shoes and shorts.

‘We said no heels!’, Seokjin exclaimed.

‘Correction: I gave you and option to chose between dresses and heels. You chose dresses and akirts and can you see any of them? No. So I didn’t do anything wrong. You should’ve been wiser when you were choosing.’, Sou said, rolling her eyes.

‘It’s all your fault.’ Taehyung screamed, pointing at Jungkook.

‘Okay, stop being dramatic and let’s start to pick out the pairs.’, Sou said emotionless and nodded at the crew members.

They started to explain them the rules of how will the be choosing pairs. The rules were simple: one person trows a rose and whoever was closer to the rose was wearing throwing person clothes. But it couldn’t be normal with all the boys. It soon went all messy and dramatic with all teams. However the real highlight was, that Hoseok had to wear Jin’s clothes and Yoongi Sou’s. Sou on the other side had to wear outfit, that she didn’t want the most - Namjoon’s. Reactions were priceless, especially Yoongi’s who realised what he has to put on in a minute.

They all went to the changing rooms to put on their outifts and went right back to the white room with black capes on. And so the fashion show started. Sou went first. She stood on the podium and with emotionless face she threw the came away, making everybody around gasp in shock.

‘#FasionableSou. Let’s get it trending.’, Jungkook said through the laugh and Sou just glared at him with pure hate in her eyes, which made him stop immediately.

‘You look like you have muscles. I guess going to the gym with Jungkook was a good decision.’, Jimin said and touched her arms.

‘Can I go home now?’, she asked with a pout and they all laughed.

‘No, because our Suga is next!’, Taehyung screamed.

Yoongi stood on the podium, where Sou was few seconds before. He threw the cape away and everyone gasped in shock. Nobody even dared to say a thing. They were just standing with opened mouths and looking at him. But then Sou ended the silence, with laugh.

‘I’m sorry.’, she said, trying to stay calm, but them she looked down on his shoes and couldn’t do it anymore.

‘I’m glad this is funny for you.’, Yoongi said, pointing at her.

It’s already known, that Jin will joke about it probably for the rest of his life. But at least it was very funny, especially for Sou. Next members were going up on the podium and showing their outfits. Stupid comments were flying all around the room, everybody laughed a lot and had so much fun, even in terrible clothes.

The last part of the episode was showing off their outfits on a runaway. They all standed in line, getting ready. Sou was of course first, like most of the times.

‘It’s my time to finally shine as a model.’, she said and when music started to play, she walked to the runaway and stopped for a moment to pose. She put her hands in the pocket of the sweater and pouted a little, making boys laugh. Sou started to walk till the end of the carpet and stopped again doing the same pose. Then she turned around, crouching at the same time. She turned her head back to the camera she send it a quick kiss, making boys scream again. After that she stood up and started walking back, moving her but as if she was twerking from time to time. But them when she crossed half way of the runaway, she turned all stoic and emotionless as if nothing had happened.

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