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planelong · 2 years

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Quiff meaning

“A typical quiff features short back and sides, and longer hair on top that’s swept upwards and backwards at the front. “In truth, there’s no black and white answer,” admits Devon-based barber Tom Chapman, founder of mental health awareness group The Lions Barber Collective. As a general rule, the classic quiff is less showy than the kind of top-heavy pomp sported by rock ‘n’ roll legend Little Richard and later Bruno Mars. The Quiff VS The PompadourĪrguments rage over how the quiff itself differs from other classic cuts, such as the pompadour. Bottom line? It’s not an exaggeration to say that the quiff changed the course of hair-story. This unabashed narcissism also liberated men from the tyranny of not having to outwardly care about their appearance, laying the ground for the grooming revolution we take for granted today. That in itself became part of the quiff’s iconic appeal, with Elvis managing to turn combing his hair in public into an act as sexually charged as a shake of the hips or a caress of the microphone. The fact that the hair was piled upwards also meant that it had a natural tendency to flop forwards, demanding constant attention. “It’s a hairstyle that literally takes up more space, so it makes you stand out and gets you noticed.” “As a style, it has always represented rebellion, and it screams confidence,” says ReeRee Rockette, owner of Rockalily Cuts. But it only became truly iconic with the advent of rock ‘n’ roll, when it became an overnight badge of teenage revolt. The hairstyle itself had been around for some years by the time it became popular as a post-war reaction to military buzz cuts and flat wartime styles. When quizzed by styling product company Fudge on which haircut they are most likely to swipe right to on dating apps, 28 per cent of the 2,000 females asked picked the quiff. Splicing together elements of the pompadour, flat top and sometimes even the mohawk, unafraid to make its voluminous presence felt, the amped-up quiff suits a wide range of ages, face shapes and personal styles.Īccording to research, it’s also judged one of the sexiest by women. You’ll find that the sharp contrast between different lengths of hair makes this a more edgy and trendy look that isn’t far off from the classic pompadour. The longer portion of hair on top of the head built up with volume, and then combed back for a sleek, yet textured look, while still concentrating the vertical volume towards the front of the head. While this may apply to various hairstyles, what sets the quiff apart is how it’s styled. It’s easily distinguished by the short cut on the sides and back of the head, with longer locks on top. Send us feedback.The quiff hairstyle is one that you’ve certainly come across before. These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word 'quaff.' Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. 2020 The last prime rib has been roasted, the last potato pancake fried up, the last eggnog quaffed. 2019 Characters who are dead in one episode turn up in the next, cheerfully quaffing, wenching, or otherwise being very much not dead. politics: The French have their gauche caviar (the caviar left) and the Brits their champagne socialists, or as they’re sometimes called, Bollinger Bolsheviks, a reference to a pricey, bubbly quaff. 2021 The food-shaming phenomenon isn’t unique to U.S. 2021 Visitors can also take a seat near one of the heaters and try a mystery shot served in an ice glass, or quaff a tap beer.Įlaine Rewolinski, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, 14 Jan. 2022 Anxious Americans, or at least the ones who regularly quaff Coke Zero, will be the judge.ī, 14 July 2021 Atlanta Braves backers quaff four drinks a game and spend $32. Joe Minihane, CNN, 13 July 2022 That means folks will be donning the green, going to church, lining the route, and maybe sauntering to a neighborhood watering hole to hear music or quaff a pint. Recent Examples on the Web: Verb Its medieval streets and winding canals have a distinct charm, while the Markt, the city's main square, is the perfect place to quaff a local Belgian beer and watch the world go by.

#Quiff meaning

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thesolemnpsychologist · 3 years

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Excuse the rushed handwriting. Today I completed my mental health first aid training which was amazing.

Something I would reccomend looking into is The Lions Barber Collective

These are hair and beauty shops that are trained in listening out for mental health stresses and risks and can help signpost people to other services which may be able to support their mental health.

This is an amazing initiative. If you go to their website and click Locate a Lion you can find if there are any shops near you. The majority are in the UK as it is a UK based charity however these are also located in America, mainland Europe, a couple in Canada and even one in Kenya.

#psychology degree #mental health #study #psychology #university student #student #studyblr #university #degree #uni student #mental health first aid #suicide prevention #mental health help #the lions barber collective #hair dresser #barbers #haircut #hair and beauty

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goddamnmuses-a · 3 years

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@redemptivexheroics sent me this link so here’s my reaction to..

50 Dumb Laws From Across the United States Under the cut cus long.

1. It Is Prohibited To Harass Big Foot (Washington) .. Naa this ones fair, leave him alone, he’s not botherin anyone.

2. It Is Illegal To Catch A Fish with Your Bare Hands (Kansas) .. that’s just showing off so yeah, screw that guy, go to jail, not so big now are you mr. bare handed fisher.

3. Illegal to Eat Fried Chicken (Except With Your Hands) (Gainesville, Georgia) I mean it’s probably the easiest way to eat fried chicken.. if you’re eating fried chicken.. like a chicken wing.. with a knife and fork.. yeah, go to jail.

4. Drivers Must Not Pump Their Own Gas (Oregon and New Jersey) .. Jokes on this law.. it’s not a Gas it’s a Liquid.. silly.

5. Prohibited to open an umbrealla on a street (Alabama) .. This ones dumb.

6. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday (Alabama) .. God hates Dominoes?

7. Illegal to throw confetti or spray silly string (Alabama).. Sounds stupid but probably actually does prevent accidents and stuff.

8. Flamingoes are not allowed in barber shops (Alaska) .. What happened for this to need to be a law?

9. Denying someone a glass of water is prohibited (Arizona) Don’t be a dick. Just hand over some water.

10. Dogs are not to bark after 6PM (Arkansas) .. If this was somehow enforceable.. i wouldn’t be mad.

11. Spitting is only permitted on baseball diamonds (California).. Sounds like an anti-baseball law.

12. Illegal to collect rain water (Colorado) Yo.. anyone wanna buy some rain water.. Keep it on the DL.

13. It is illegal for car dealers to show cars on Sundays (Colorado). On Sundays you get a Mystery box.

14. A pickle is not a pickle unless it bounces. (Connecticut). .. Alright. Who am I to argue with the pickle police.

15. One is not to walk backwards after sunset (Connecticut).. Probably safer to walk forwards so fair.

16. It is prohibited to fly over water without sufficient supplies (Delaware) .. This doesn’t sound stupid to me.. if you’re flying over water surely you want life vests on your plane?

17. The singing in public places while wearing a bathing suit is not allowed (Florida) This is just worded weirdly.

18. Skateboarding without a license is prohbited. (Florida) I didn’t even know Skateboard licenses was a thing. I kinda like it.

19. One is not to live on a boat for more than 30 days (Georgia).. Sucks to be Rosie and Jim in Georgia.

20 Chickens are not permitted to cross the road. (Georgia) But Why did the Chicken cross the road?

21. No billboards allowed (Hawaii) Makes sense to preserve the beautiful views.

22. You cannot place a coin behind your ear. (Hawaii) Who’s just hiding coins behind their ears like a weirdo?

23. It is prohibited to gift a box of chocolates weighing more than 50 lbs(Idaho) .. Idaho is on a diet.

24. No bicycles allowed in tennis courts (Idaho). Seems like cheating to use a bike in a game of tennis anyway.

25. The giving of whiskey to dogs is prohibited (Illinois) Hell yeah, let’s get white dog wasted.

26. No kites allowed to be flown within city limits (Illinois) .. Kite Man disapproves.

27. The value of pi is 4, not 3.1415 (Indiana) Just easier to remember.

28. The reading of palms is prohibited (Cedar Rapids) Yeah don’t touch my hands you witch.

29. No false promises allowed. (Louisiana) Just a solid good law right here.

30. Nobody is to step out of a plane mid-flight (Maine) I mean.. Again, good law to have i guess.

31. Christmas decorations must not be up past January 14th (Maine) .. Grinch much?

32. It is not permitted to take a lion to the movies (Maryland). Sorry Simba.

33. Beer is not to be given to hospital patients (Massachusetts) Well duh.

34. All putt-putt courses are to be closed no later than 1am. (Michigan) This one sucks for all you late night putt putters out there.

35. Nobody is to cross state lines with a duck atop their head (Minnestoa) That’s called duck smugglin’

36. Anyone disturbing church services is subject to a citizens arrest (Mississippi) Can’t like citizens arrests just happen any time, it’s whether or not they’re like actually tried for it afterwards? Idk citizen arrest laws.

37. It is prohibited to frighten a baby (Missouri). Good.

38. The raising of pet rats is prohibited (Montana) It didn’t turn out well for Ron so fair.

39. Doughnut holes are not to be sold. (Nebraska)... So there’s free doughnut holes going?

40. No camels are allowed on highways. (Nevada) ..I mean.. it’d be worse if they were.

41. Tapping feet, nodding head, or moving to music in any water is prohibited in restaurants, (New Hampshire) What underwater resturants have you guys got?

42. It is required that a person lend a phone to another in need. (New Jersey) This is nice but i dont trust people enough to not run off with my phone.

43. No slippers before 10 pm. (New York) This law has a loophole in that it doesn’t say 10pm on what day.. could be 10pm on 1st of Jan 2012. Everyone can now wear slippers. I’ve freed everyone from this law.

44. It is illegal to sing off-key. (North Carolina) Good singing or GTFO.

45. No bingo games shall last more than 5 hours. (North Carolina) After 5 hours you should all be done anyway.

46. The serving of beer and pretzels simutaneously is not allowed (North Dakota). Well thats dumb.. probably safer to prevent dehydration.. but c’monn.

47. Noone shall participate in a duel, (Ohio). Sorry Yugioh.

48. Professional sports are not to be played on Sundays. (Rhode Island). Unprofessional sports only. No formal wear.

49. it is prohibited to catch a fish using a lasso. (Tennessee) Screw who made this law up, i wanna see a guy lasso a fish.

50. Drinking of milk is mandatory. (Utah) They got them good bones in Utah.

#ooc

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cecilspeaks · 4 years

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158 - The Battle for Time

Kasper Rhodes:

The future wants you. The future needs you. The future will have you, whether you want to or not. Welcome to Night Vale.

Kasper Rhodes here, hello. There’s a lot of talk generally and in particular about the future. Everyone’s going on about this or that, rocketships and spires, eternal life and AI, but the future is also soil and leaves. It’s a hand holding a hand, it’s clouds and it’s water and it’s salt. The future is organic as anything. There is still sweat in the future, [chuckles] I’m sweating right now! It’s hot where I am. And I am Kasper Rhodes, president of the Quality Cyborg Corporation, and I can take you away from all this, in the name of the Smiling God. The God that grins down at us all, grinning through our pain and grinning through our joy, just always grinning, just always the smile.

Do any of you believe in anything? I do. I believe in anything at all, I just believe. What a powerful thing it is to believe, to let doubt (--) [0:02:27] off you, [chuckles] just like the sweat.

I have a proposition and it’s also a promise. I will take your brain, and how much were you using it anyway, and I will put it in a robot. And that robot will do wonderful things. That is my promise. And it’s also a proposition. [chuckles] Anyway, we’ll talk more in person, I’m on my way. I’ll see you soon.

[whoosh]

Cecil: (-) am I through? Am I, am I on the air? Am I on the air? I come to you in a time of emergency and panic. We thought we could cheat death. Kasper Rhodes promised to take our brains and freeze them into the future where we could be reawakened into life eternal. But it was all a lie. Kasper is a time traveler here to collect the brains of the past, to power robots of servitude in the future. We were being tricked into an eternal life of manual labor, and now we know the truth and stand against them.

Unfortunately, he has called in reinforcements from the future, and they are those very robots with our brains inside of them. They cannot fight against their programming, and they weep as they crush us, but still they crush us. There are robots patrolling outside of the abandoned grain silo and every other spot in town where the Quality Cryogenics Corporation is storing brains, so we cannot save our fellow citizens from the terror of the future.

(-) [0:04:01]. Kasper worships a Smiling God. I thought we had escaped that cosmic terror but it has returned, and it has come for our minds. Night Vale, I call for resistance. I call for a stand against the future. I muster the present to destroy every moment that comes after. We will never stop fighting, we will never surrender.

Oh, um, ahem, but first. Tickets are going on sale for the Lions Club charity raffle. All proceeds from the raffle will be going of weapons and barricades to be used against the endless onslaught of the future robots piloted by our own brains. So that’s just a great cause. Let’s have a look at the prizes. There’s a package tour to somewhere called Nash-vile. That’s exciting. Uh, the package includes a map showing where Nash-vile is, and a pad of paper on which is scrolled: “You should probably get a hotel room when you get there.” Everything you need for a fun vacation. There are ten free piano lessons from Louie Blasko. He says that piano is a great way to exercise your mind and your creativity, and he promises much fewer injuries this time around. There’s a free haircut and style consultation from Telly the Barber. Uuuuuuuuuugh! Ugh, that vile Telly! Meh, I shouldn’t say that. Carlos has forgiven Telly for cutting his – beautiful hair all those years ago, and so I should too. There are lots of things I should do, and I’m sure I’ll get to them eventually. In the meantime, though: ugh! Vile Telly! Finally, there is the grand prize, which is an all expenses paid trip into the bottomless hole betwixt the dunes, that inexplicable dark pit that appeared a few years ago out in the Sand Wastes. We’re not sure who donated this prize, it just showed up at the Lions Club in a basket that smelled of mud and wet dog. But the winners will have the opportunity, in fact they will be compelled whether they want to or not, to leap into the bottomless hole betwixt the dunes. This is all expenses paid. I’m not sure what expenses there are to jumping into a bottomless hole but in any case, they’re covered. Raffle tickets are only 5 dollars and can be purchased at the Lions Club or by whispering into any crack in any wall. And again, proceeds go to saving us from the robot army, so please do buy a few.

[whoosh]

Kasper Rhodes: There’s a lot of talk generally an in particular about pain. “Oh, I’m in pain,” many say, “Oh, this pain is the worst I’ve ever felt,” many say. Many just scream and that’s understandable, I’d scream too if I could, but you can’t scream with a smile. That’s one of the laws of the Smiling God. I believe in laws. But then, I believe in anything.

Have you ever had rock candy? Who even thought up something so useless as these crystalline sugar lumps? What point is there to any of this, when rock candy is the kind of thing that we as humans apparently are up to? Generally, also in particular. But what I’m talking about is, what point is there to rock candy? And what I’m also asking is, what point is there to you? But I can provide a point, at you anyway. Wouldn’t that be nice for once? And don’t we want it to be nice for once, just once before we go? I’m talking here about purpose, and I have more purpose than I need. You have less purpose than you want. Let’s meet in the middle, and there in the middle, I will take your brain. Believe in the Smiling God and why not? I do.

[whoosh, high-pitched noises]

Cecil: [distorted] Night Vale, we will fight! [normal] Night Vale, we will win! The night may be long, but inevitably comes the dawn. Especially now that time works correctly here. Tamika Flynn has gathered her militia, who have aged to the point where they are no longer teenagers. It was kind of cute, a local friendly teenage militia, but now they’re just a militia, which is less cute. But definitely good to have on our side in this struggle. They are currently pelting the robots with stones but – ah, the robots’ metal frames are impervious to such attacks. Oh, this is so worrying! Josh Crayton, local shapeshifter, has resumed the form of a waterfall in an attempt to short out the electronics of the robot army. Unfortunately it appears that their bodies are water resistant and perhaps even waterproof, and so they are simply walking past him like he isn’t there. Josh, maybe some other form? Oh, OK, OK, Josh has panicked and accidentally taken the form of a 1970’s style avocado green galley kitchen. Oh, Josh, this will not be helpful at all.

“We’re going about this fight all wrong!” said Lenny Butler, who has no official bona fides on military tactics, but considered himself an aficionado of rowdy boys really taking it to each other on the battlefield. Lenny continued: “What we want to do is fight them!” When asked what that meant, he shrugged and (-) [0:09:47] irritably. “I know what it means!” he said. “I’m not gonna waste time explaining it to you, just like, flank them!”

Other towns have been forced to join the fight, as the robots are sweeping through the entire area. The ghosts of Pine Cliff have enthusiastically entered the fray. Unfortunately, of course, ghosts cannot physically affect our world, and so they are just hovering back and forth through the robots. But good hussle out there!

Citizens of the Whispering Forest muttered warm compliments to the robots in an attempt to simulate them into their tree forms, but robots are immune to compliments, as they’re only able to think as highly of themselves as they are programmed to do. Oh no, nothing is working! Ugh. Well, this seems like as good a time as any to talk about survival tips. The first thing to consider is your water source. Now, your body is 60 per cent water, so that seems like enough, let’s move on. Next, you will want to consider food. Stuck up on essentials like canned peas, easily stored grains, and those little bags of baby carrots which are just big carrots carved into small spaces and called babies. Which his not how babies are made. This is not what the word “baby” means. Anyway, if you find yourself in an emergency situation without enough food, consider expanding your definition of the word “food”. For instance, theoretically, you could eat a desk if you tried hard enough. Maybe the problem isn’t a lack of food, but lack of motivation on your part. Finally ,look for shelter. This one is easy, there are houses and buildings everywhere and you can just go into them. Some of them will be locked, they might even have people inside who say things like: “What are you doing in my house?” and: “You can’t be in here, this is the stock room of an Arby’s!” But don’t let naysayers like that get you down. This has been, survival tips.

[whoosh]

Kasper: There is a lot of talk generally and in particular about triumph. “We are winning,” a person might say. “We will defeat you,” a person might crow as the town falls in supplication around him. “You will all be taken to the future!” that person might continue. “You will be made useful.” And isn’t that wonderful? To be made useful? Isn’t that the best thing a person can be? I think so. It doesn’t matter what you think, [chuckles] it turns out you never did. It’s so impersonal chatting over the phone, es-especially since you haven’t been picking up. It seems rude, your refusal to listen to me, but-but I don’t mind. After all, it’s hard to begrudge you your last minutes of human freedom. Tell you what, tell you what, I’ll head over and collect you myself. Wouldn’t that be nice? For me, I mean, again it doesn’t matter what it is for you, it turns out it never did. OK, [distorted] see you soon, bye bye!

[whoosh]

Cecil: Give me back my radio frequency! Oh, I… Am I, I think I’m back on. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Well, I’ll talk whether you can hear me or not. More robots are pouring out of the time vortexes. The vorteces, vortes.. vorces.. vort-vortex-eses. Whatever they are. Thousands of robots are coming out and this is too much, we can never defeat all of them! The robots are marching to Kasper Rhodes’ army that was already here and they are… Listeners, they are fighting them. These new robots are fighting on our side. At their head is the one I recognize as containing the brain of Charlie Bair, the dayshift manager at the Ralphs, and he’s [huffing] he is announcing that some of the robots have broken free of their programming, that they have found a way to manipulate the metal body they were trapped in, and they have come back to help us prevent this all from happening. And the present day human Charlie Bair is running up to join his future metal counterpart. Night Vale, out on that battlefield is a robot which contains your brain! Find that robot and help it fight, or fight it, depending o n which side it’s on. Together, with ourselves, we can win this. There is still hope. There is always hope. There is also always The weather.

[“Sugar Neighbors” by Dane Terry https://www.thedaneterry.com]

Together, us and us, our own selves and our robot selves, we rushed against Kasper Rhodes, more and more of his robots broke free of their programming and joined us. Tamika and her militia were now Tamikas and their militias, and the intimidation factor was through the roof. This whole time, we just had to trust ourselves. [chuckles] And also have versions of ourselves that were embedded in super strong metal bodies. That was all it took this whole time to be victorious. Charlie Bair the human stood shoulder to shoulder with Charlie Bair the robot, and both fought valiantly. Josh Crayton took the form of a chainsaw, which was then wielded by Josh Crayton’s brain in a robot body to glorious and gory effect. It did not take long for the tides to turn. Sometimes, once the balance shifts, it shifts as quickly and definitively as a broken elevator plunging down a shaft. And then, Kasper Rhodes himself finally fell. Whether it was the stones cast by the Tamikas, or the fists of the Charlies, or Josh the chainsaw wielded by Josh the robot, I cannot say. In the chaos of battle, individual human action becomes indistinct, but the fact of Kasper’s death is indisputable. And in that moment he fell, every robot slumped into stillness, because time had changed. Kasper never took our brains when we died and used them in robots of the future, and because of that, every one of those robots no longer had a brain in them. They were empty shells. We carried those empty shelves with affection and care to Grove Park, where they would be sorted for parts and the resulting scrap metal used to fix the massive amount of damage done to town by this battle.

We kept one robot, though, just one. The scrawniest one with the most rusted joints and Pamela Winchell, who has been reading books on hobbyist surgery, removed Kasper’s brain from his still warm body and placed it in that robot, and the robot came to life in a panic. “Don’t worry,” we told Kasper the robot, “we’re not going to hurt you! We’re just putting you to work for the Miriam McDonald memorial fund. You will clean up the sand from the Sand Wastes until all the sand is gone. We don’t know how long that will take, it may take forever. Good luck!” And even now, a lone robot with a broom sweeps sand out of the desert. Hm. A fitting end for an unfit man.

[sighs in relief] Now there is only us, and the returned reality of our aging. And our death. I have come to think that Carlos was right. There is nothing more scientific than death. We fear it, reasonably, because it is a thing we can never know, perhaps not even when we experience it. But it is not worth perverting our lives, changing everything about ourselves just to avoid our natural ends. New generations will come. New people will live. And like everyone before us, we will gracefully exit to make room for those coming after. As the old saying goes: “Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.” [laughs] This is not a story about you! And you were glad, because it would be boring if every story was.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Every friend group has a joyful chasm. If you do not know who the joyful chasm is, then I have news for you: you are the joyful chasm.

[post credits segment]

Kasper: There’s a lot of talk generally and in particular. So many words. Oh man. Oooh maannn. Ugh, oh! [chuckles] This is not how. It isn’t. Was it? But it’s what’s left of me. Oh, it’s quiet in here at least. I can’t feel the smile anymore. (--) [0:25:49] that smile. In here, it is quiet and dark. My metal body moves, but my brain is still. I like it in here. [shivers] Nooo-oooo! That smile! The- the smile has appeared. Oh, oh God, y- you don’t understand! The smile is in here with me. [distorted noise, discordant music rises, then fades out]

#welcome to night vale #wtnv transcripts #episode 158 #the battle for time

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itsblosseybitch · 4 years

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Griffin Dunne: Who’s That Man? (article from ARENA magazine, Sept/Oct 1987)

Double Exposure: The $4.5 million it took to make Martin Scorsese’s black comedy After Hours and the twitchily neurotic lead performance were both the work of the same man, hybrid movie producer and actor whose next assignments involve the likes of Sidney Lumet and Madonna. David Keeps spends some after After Hours hours with Griffin Dunne.

Griffin Dunne, leading man to Madonna in the soon-come Who’s That Girl, is not the sort of actor who swoops into a photo session with an entourage of managers, publicists and gofers. He enters alone, armed with a briefcase full of business pertaining to the next three or four films he will produce, and introduces himself with a winning humility and, on this particularly sweltering Manhattan afternoon, a perfectly reasonable request for a Budweiser. He graciously and gracefully agrees to a quick bit of barbering and slips into samples from Paul Smith’s autumn collection -- clothes that look very roomy on his slight five-foot-seven frame -- without a fuss. “Are you sure these weren’t for David Byrne,” he jokes. Griffin Dunne is one cool character.

The same can not be said for the neurotic yuppies he’s portrayed in After Hours and Almost You, two critically acclaimed films that were released back-to-back in Britain and helped to establish him as the archetypal Manhattan man. “That’s a coincidence,” he explains over breakfast at a Greenwich Village eaterie a few blocks from his home. “The pictures were actually filmed a couple of years, but I guess if you looked at them as a double-header, you’d see similarities because the main character is New York. One thing I have noticed is that the guy I’m playing always wears a blazer. I’ve got to be careful about what I do next. Those jaded laconic New York type roles are creeping up on me,” he continues, his almost-black eyes widening as his voice rises in mock terror. “I may never work again and die a pauper because these two pictures are so much alike!”

Now there’s an unlikely prospect. Having successfully produced Chilly Scenes of Winter, John Sayles’ Baby It’s You and Martin Scorsese’s After Hours, Griffin Dunne is in the unique position of being able to pay the bills and choose his acting roles carefully or develop properties for himself. The latter is an option he has exercised only once (After Hours), the former is an admitted luxury. “The problem with success is, the more successful you become, the more careful and calculating you have to be. While I dread being an actor and never knowing where my next job will be coming from, there was a great freedom in going from one stupid comedy into a play in some no-name theatre down on Pitt Street in lower East Siobokia. I get sent a lot of scripts as a producer and I don’t want to spend my time looking for parts for myself. I have an agent to do that. But that still doesn’t give me the opportunity to pick up the phone and say ‘Get me a script that is completely different from anything I’ve ever done, and I want to start working Wednesday’. “

There was a time when the very prospect of working in films - as an actor or a producer - was something to be avoided. Born in New York City on June 8, 1955 to actress Ellen Griffin Dunne and Dominick Dunne, who evolved from a television stage manager to a producer and now, a writer for Vanity Fair, Griffin was raised in Los Angeles amongst the privileged sons and daughters of Hollywood. He attended a pre-preparatory school at age 11. “All boys. You wore a coat and tie and got little swats if you got out of line. It was called Fay School,” he recalls with a shudder. “It was a bitch to say ‘I go to Fay School’.” He turns his head to the side to improvise a dialogue and with a sneer asks himself sarcastically, “How’s Fay?” “Fine thank you,” he mumbles, suitably humiliated. In his final year it became his job to order films for school entertainments. His very appropriate choice was Lindsay Anderson’s public school drama If... “It was a real underground thing. The attendance rate was incredible. They were hanging off the rafters. If you know the picture you know it takes them forever to kill those fucking teachers!”

The Fountain Valley school in Colorado proved a more nurturing atmosphere for the lad. Influenced by his uncle and aunt (the literary lions John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion), Griffin thought he would become a writer. “I just knew that film business was the last thing on earth I was going to be in. It’s like if your father goes to work in a car factory in Detroit, the last thing you want to do is go into the automobile business. I didn’t sit in judgement of Peter Benchley’s (OP NOTE: author of Jaws) drinking habits, but it was just too close to me. I was really verbal about it. Openly vitriolic, I would never be in show biz. I said that right up until a friend talked me into auditioning for this play.”

That was Edward Albee’s The Zoo Story and Griffin knew instinctively that he was the best man for the job. “Somehow I just knew I could say these lines better than anyone else. It was like being the only one in that room who spoke that particular language.” An actor was born and a bullshit artist began to operate. “I was the guy who ran the drama club, the art paper, the student council planning board. Teachers treated me like an adult, they really thought I was going places. They said ‘You’re not like the other students.’ I was, of course, a source of total disappointment, because I was exactly like the other students. I would get high and take the car off campus and try to get laid at every possible moment as soon as their back was turned.”

Then, just as he was about to make a dramatic triumph playing Iago in Othello, he was busted. “Got caught smoking a little hash,” he winces. “All that was really there was what was in my lungs and it just trailed out of my mouth as I denied what was happening. And the teacher did not get a contact high and forget what he was doing. What they were saying was, ‘We’re going to change the rest of your life for that amount of smoke in your lungs’.” He was sent packing, forced to face up to parents who were “grief stricken”, he says with a comic frown, “chopped off at the knees.” Convincing the school authorities in a brilliant final thespian act that he needed to take the bus home in order to have time to think about his misdeeds, he hit the highway and hitchhiked home.

The odyssey that followed could’ve been a foreshadowing of the hassles that befell him as the stranger-in-SoHo in After Hours. “I was very worried about getting into any more trouble. And every car I got in was the most troublesome, criminal car. One guy would be driving a huge Cadillac convertible that he’d bought with a bad cheque. Another guy was AWOL from the army and there was this kid who’d just left ‘Juvie’ (Juvenile Hall) who was only a year younger than me, but also about four feet shorter. We’d spend a good deal of the time daring him to do things like climb out of the hood of the car to straighten out the antenna as we were crossing the desert. As soon as he got out there the driver would floor it, going about 95 miles an hour and swerving to throw him off. I thought, ‘OK drug possession, hot car, and manslaughter, all on the way home. Look at it this way, Mom, Dad, I was only kicked out of school for smoking hash!”

He lived in Los Angeles for the last gasp of his teenage years, working in a bookstore and as a shipping clerk for a cooking utensils firm, while going for auditions that were few and far between. After a few small roles on TV, he moved to New York to study at the Neighborhood Playhouse, where, ironically, in the days before Dustin Hoffman, Griffin’s father had left his studies when he was told that he was too short to be a leading man. Though Griffin was spared the same advice, he worked more steadily in the restaurant trade - even selling popcorn at the candy counter of Radio City Music Hall - than he did in the theatre. Then he met Amy Robinson and Mark Metcalf (OP NOTE: misprinted with an e), two equally frustrated, equally unemployed actors, and the trio decided to become producers.

(OP NOTE: Since Dunne, Robinson, and Metcalf were/are baseball fans, the original production company’s name was Triple Play Productions. When Metcalf left to focus on his acting, the company was renamed Double Play Productions).

“We went out to Cambridge and met Ann Beattie, who had written Chilly Scenes of Winter and she said it was like three of her characters walked into her living room.” Not surprisingly she allowed them to buy the rights for a film version at a very reasonable price. At age 23, Griffin Dunne had become a producer and had his first property. The trio turned the process of pitching the project to studios into an acting exercise. “It was exactly like a performance, but it was easier than going in on an audition. Here I had something tangible to sell, a book that I was passionate about. It’s hard to do that about yourself. What do you say? ‘Look at this interesting aspect of me. Then if you shade it with these particular attitudes I look like this!’ I wouldn’t want to see anybody do that.”

First released as Head Over Heels, and re-released more successfully in 1982 under the author’s original title, Chilly Scenes of Winter set the stage for the fledgling producer’s next triumph, John Sayles’ Baby It’s You, which introduced Rosanna Arquette and Vincent Spano to a large and appreciative audience of young filmgoers. In the meantime Dunne had appendaged several screen acting credits to his dossier, largely of the messenger boy variety.

“I’ve passed a ton of envelopes,” he laughs. “In this one film, The Fan (a potboiler starring Lauren Bacall as the intended victim of an overwrought admirer) I played a stage manager who was to hand a letter the killer gave me to Maureen Stapleton. The letter read ‘I’m going to kill you, I’m going to kill you,’ and sure enough he does. So they spend the rest of the movie looking for the killer instead of asking me for a description. When I told the director, he said ‘Yeah, well, fine, can we just shoot the scene please?’ So I just couldn’t resist on one take. I went up to Miss Stapleton and I said, ‘Here’s a letter from the killer -- oops! -- I mean the man outside’.”

He was able to use his comic gifts more successfully playing the sidekick role, “the very dead one” in An American Werewolf in London (OP NOTE: Title misprinted without the ‘An’) and the clean-cut brother of a gangster in Johnny Dangerously, “a big silly comedy.” Then a script crossed his desk which he simply could not ignore, for it contained all the elements he looked for in a film as both a producer and an actor. It was called After Hours, and it was the tale of a lonely word processor who meets a beautiful girl, loses her, loses his money and his house-keys and spends the rest of his evening on the run from assorted temptresses and loonies in the lofts and streets of New York’s SoHo.

Griffin Dunne was no stranger to the inherent weirdness of such a scenario. “Last weekend I was out of town and a friend was in my apartment. I said don’t use the bottom lock. She did, and so I was locked out of my own apartment. I called my neighbors to let me in, but they were locked out of their apartment too. I found that out from the neighbors below. The owners are from Japan and they’re coming to get their apartment from me. I’ve now been through so many locks it looks like a Uzi got at the door. The locksmith is now an old friend of mine. I have the worst time with keys. I believe the first stage of manhood is when you live on your own and you’re given this set of keys. I’ve been through so many keys. They just leap out of my pocket!”

Griffin Dunne became After Hours’ hapless anti-hero Paul Hackett and his run-ragged energy leaped off the screen. Despite the fact that the entire film was shot at night, director Scorsese demanded that he remain celibate during the course of the shoot. For added punishment, Dunne himself also acted as the film’s producer: “As an actor your job is not to have distractions and be in a loose state where, when things are thrown at you, you can react accordingly. As a producer your job is to constantly anticipate problems, disasters, flare-ups, fiascoes. You’re in a constant state of tension. You have this little rubber ball with spikes sticking out of it in the pit of your stomach. In After Hours if there were times when it was five in the morning and I was starting to run out of anxiety adrenaline, I could think of how much the picture was going over-budget and I would suddenly get this hollow look in my eyes, my eyebrows would start creeping up on my forehead and I was ready to roll! But I never as an actor looked at the director and thought, ‘Gee, he’s shooting too much film, I must tell him to stop.’”

Though After Hours was a huge critical and commercial success, it pointed out some rather disheartening facts about the American film industry. “People are so obsessed with how much pictures cost. It really pisses me off,” he says with a furrow of the brow that makes you an instant sympathizer. “All anybody talks about with After Hours is that we made it for $4.5 million.(OP NOTE: $4.5 million in 1985 would be about $10.8 million in 2020) Who cares? Is it a good movie? Is it a bad movie? For some reason English films have avoided that. Probably because they were made with pounds instead of dollars and the critics are too lazy to figure out the currency conversion.”

Now he’s on a roll and it becomes quite clear that Griffin Dunne, as an artist and as a businessman, cares about the cinema passionately. “There are a lot of [OP NOTE: misprinted as off] young filmmakers trying to get off the ground here. It’s treated so condescendingly,” he splutters. “Those kids made that Personal Art film. Art film is a bad word for everybody - it’s a personal film. Or it’s an independent film, which must mean it’s personal. ‘Those kids made that picture and just look what they did. And their grandmother gave them $2.5 million for that?’ I don’t think it was their grandmother,” he continues with a lethal iciness. “I think they went to a major financing entity and they got the money, it’s playing in theatres now. GO SEE THE GODDAMNED MOVIE!”

(OP NOTE: Sir, this is a Wendy’s. All joking aside, I would love to hear the off-the-record version of this rant)

All of this seems particularly annoying to a man like Griffin Dunne because he’s proved that it can be done. “It’s just treated like it’s so cute. Now it’s possible to make films like Mona Lisa, Withnail and I or one of Stephen Frears’ movies in the States. There’s a lot more avenues of finance and they’ve figured out ways of distributing movies where they actually make serious money and it’s easier for people to get their money back on videocassettes and all the other rights. What we’re having a little bit of a problem with is the material itself. How do you find a script that doesn’t reek of being an Independent Movie?”

In Adam Brooks’ Almost You, which was written as a vehicle for Dunne and his then-girlfriend Brooke Adams, he found exactly that. An offbeat comedy about an adulterous husband, the film was warmly received in Britain after having been crucified by the American press. (OP NOTE: As someone who enjoyed that movie, I think the reason for that is because British audiences are more comfortable with unlikable or dysfunctional protagonists than American audiences. Also, this was the Reagan era with traditional values and all) “I found the character very touching and pathetic, but when it came out you would have thought I was a war criminal. An immoral louse. The worst of it was they would never say my character’s name. They would say ‘Griffin Dunne is a duplicitous, weak-willed human being!’ People fuck around on their wives, what can I say? The way people went on, because I fooled around when my wife was in a wheelchair, it was like one of those Reefer Madness kind of movies. Like I was condoning it,” he says, lapsing into a sinister’s narrator voice, “C’mon kids, go out and smoke heroin. And while you’re there get married and fool around on your wife who’s in a wheelchair. Come with me to...THE MOVIES!”

His next screen appearance should raise the stakes considerably higher and may establish Griffin Dunne as a solidly commercial leading man in romantic comedies. “I’d known about the script for years,” he says of Who’s That Girl. “It was the first screwball comedy I’d read that wasn’t a rip-off or a parody . The characters were really contemporary. Over the years I just slowly watched it get put together, slowly, slowly coming around to me. I had a feeling it was going to work out and I have that feeling very rarely.” It’s the story of one Loudon Trott, the standard “uptight kind of guy” whose world is thrown into utter chaos by the appearance of a dizzy but dazzling vixen. “I’m one of those inside-the-little-globe-there’s-a-madman-dying-to-break-out characters. But I was going as much against the nitwit-nerd as possible. I wanted to wear the best suit I could find. I look unlike anything I’ve ever looked before. You don’t wake up with hair like what I’ve got in this picture. I don’t even know what the hell I look like.”

The vixen is, of course, played by Madonna. “It was externally pretty crazy,” he says of the shoot. “A lot of paparazzi and fans. I guess for my survival I just shut it out. It didn’t bother her, so why should it bother me? If it bothered me it would show on the screen, but nobody would say, ‘Gee, he doesn’t seem to be there right now, it must be the fans.’” He laughs at the very thought of it. “I’ll fight for a disclaimer at the end of the picture!”

He’ll have to juggle his next acting assignment between efforts as a producer. Running On Empty, the coming-of-age story of the son of Sixties dissidents living on the lam, is set to be directed by Sidney Lumet with River Phoenix in the leading role and Robin Williams has been signed as the lead for a Disney-financed version of the stage comedy The Foreigner.

[OP NOTE: While Running on Empty was eventually released in 1988, garnering Phoenix a Best Supporting Actor nomination at the Golden Globes, The Foreigner never materialized. I’m sure there’s some amazing stories that have yet come to light on the latter].

And industrious though he may seem, Dunne admits that he’s really good at not working, too. “It’s a talent that I’ve evolved over the past year or so. When I’m not working it never crosses my mind. I’m into maps. I’ll chart a trip and get a really good radio in the car, record a lot of tapes and hit the road. I’m really good at getting out of town and going to the beach. My problem has been collecting a lot of things over the years, but I’ve lived in sublets for the past 11 years, so I haven’t been able to settle into any pattern yet. Now that I’m moving into my own place, I’m glad. I’ll have people over so they can admire my spoon collection from my various journeys and I’ll even have shows. I will promise to bore them senseless with my passions.”

It’s unlikely he’ll be able to make the same claim in a professional capacity; his involvement on both sides of the camera and casting office have certainly produced an exemplary cross-breed of moviemaking professional, one that box office superstars-cum-executive producers of their own vanity projects could most certainly learn from. “One of the things I like about being a producer,” Dunne explains, “is that it’s opened me up on how to read a script. I like to think of the whole picture now, not just my role.” But having an awareness of what makes a film succeed in an increasingly byzantine business has not dulled his enthusiasm for acting, nor dimmed his onscreen spark. “It still is fun,” he demurs. “It should always be fun to get paid for taking fencing lessons.”

Always a wit, Griffin Dunne does seem most comfortable making a joke, even if it is at his own expense. Asked which of his screen characters he’d feel closest kinship to in real life, he deadpans, “I use so much of myself in them that I can’t imagine wanting to hang out with any of them.” And he’s equally nonplussed about his reputation as an independent force in the motion picture industry. The man simply has taste and if he likes to wear as many different hats as he can in this business, well, that’s his business - and he’s certainly very modest about his accomplishments.

“It’s difficult,” he concludes. “for me to say ‘I’m a rebel. I’m a maverick’ and put on little cowboy hats and stroll out of here into the sunset.” Especially, we both agree with a laugh, since it’s not even high noon yet.

#griffin dunne #arena magazine #journalism #old magazines

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ysolts · 4 years

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Get A Great Blowout Haircut

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mrmrswales · 5 years

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The Duke of Cambridge visits the Pall Mall Barbers in Paddington which is a collective run by barbers who raise awareness for the prevention of suicide || 14 February 2019

The “Lions Barber Collective” come together to provide training in “BarbersTalk” where they can chat to clients and are able to recognise the signs of depression and mental health issues.

#prince william #pmb19

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camillaluddingtns · 5 years

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This morning, The Duke of Cambridge has visited two organisations in London which are dedicated to supporting men with their mental health | February 14,2019.

● The Duke of Cambridge first visited Pall Mall Barbers,who are members of the Lions Barber Collective. The collective is an international group of top barbers who have come together to raise awareness for the prevention of suicide and provide training for barbers, called BarbersTalk.

Barbers are being trained to recognise signs of depression and mental health issues, listen to clients and advise them on the best places to go for support. The barber’s chair has proven to be an effective place for men to feel comfortable and to open up, so The Lions Barber Collective is training barbers to recognise the signs of mental health issues, to listen when they talk, and to feel more confident in signposting them to support.

● On his second visit, The Duke visited a charity called ‘Future Men’, who were running one of their ‘Future Dads’ sessions. This programme runs in locations across London aiming to build stronger families by providing practical guidance, advice and support, especially for young and hard to reach fathers, and to develop their confidence in their role as dads.

His Royal Highness met a group of men with their children who have completed the course to discuss the impact of the programme and how they have found the reality of the transition to fatherhood.

This invaluable work is empowering young men to develop their confidence in their new roles as dads, and is helping to build stronger families as a result.

#prince william #duke of cambridge #royaltyedit #PMB19 #FM19 #edit #myedit

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harry-sussex · 5 years

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Katie what engagements are upcoming for the Sussexes and the Cambridges?

Hey babe!! Here they are (including some of my educated guesses):

William2/13/19 - Visit to Passage, a homeless resource center2/14/19 - Visit to Pall Mall Barbers at their Paddington Central location to benefit The Lions Barber Collective (men’s mental health initiative)2/14/19 - Visit to Future Dads to benefit Future Men (men’s mental health initiative)3/17/19 - St. Patrick’s Day with the Irish Guards with Kate6/8/19 - Trooping the Colour with the rest of the family

Catherine2/13/19 - The Royal Foundation’s ‘Mental Health in Education’ conference2/13/19 - 100 Women in Finance’s Gala dinner at the V&A Museum to benefit “Mentally Healthy Schools” (a Heads Together initiative)3/17/19 - St. Patrick’s Day with the Irish Guards with William5/21/19 - 5/25/19 - RHS Chelsea Flower Show (at least one date in that range, or preview)6/8/19 - Trooping the Colour with the rest of the family 7/2/19 - 7/7/19 - RHS Hampton Court Palace Garden Festival (at least one date in that range, or preview)Sometime in the fall - RHS Garden Wisley in Surrey (or preview)jjj

Harry2/12/19 - Gala performance of The Wider Earth with Meghan2/13/19 - Reception/Q&A to benefit England Rugby’s Try for Change program and the Jonny Wilkinson Foundation2/14/19 - Visit to Norway to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Exercise Clockwork operation2/23/19 - 2/25/19 - Morocco visit with Meghan6/8/19 - Trooping the Colour with the rest of the family

Meghan2/12/19 - Gala performance of The Wider Earth with Harry 2/23/19 - 2/25/19 - Morocco visit with Harry6/8/19 - Trooping the Colour with the rest of the family

I think that’s everything for now - please let me know if you know of any others!

#ask #anonymous #kate middleton #duchess of cambridge #prince william #duke of cambridge #prince harry #duke of sussex #meghan markle #duchess of sussex #upcoming

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lovingtheroyals · 5 years

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The Duke of Cambridge this morning visited Pall Mall Barbers, 23 Sheldon Square, London W2, to learn about the Lions Barber Collective Barber Talk initiative.

His Royal Highness later visited Future Men’s Expectant Fathers Programme at the Abbey Centre, 34 Great Smith Street, London SW1.

Court Circular | 14 February, 2019

#William #Duke of Cambridge #britishroyalfamily #CC #CC: W

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bestdjkit · 2 years

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You Can Buy Tickets to ODESZA, Swedish House Mafia and More for Just $25—But Only for a Week

Live Nation's "Concert Week" initiative offers fans all-in tickets—including fees—for $25 flat.

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Pioneering electronic music band Kraftwerk.

Peter Boettcher

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Live Nation Concert Week 2022

070 Shake 24KGoldn 311 5 Seconds of Summer Aerosmith AFI AJR Alanis Morissette Alejandra Guzman Alejandro Fernandez Alice Cooper Alice In Chains & Breaking Benjamin + Bush Alicia Keys Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness Anjelah Johnson-Reyes Anthrax As I Lay Dying Asking Alexandria Atmosphere with Iration Backstreet Boys BANKS Barenaked Ladies Bastille Ben Platt Ben Rector Benny the Butcher Bert Kreischer Biffy Clyro Big K.R.I.T. Big Time Rush Bill Burr Bill Maher Bleachers Bon Iver Bone Thugs-N-Harmony Bonnie Raitt Boyz II Men Brad Paisley Brandi Carlile Brian Regan Brooks & Dunn Caifanes Camilo Septimo Celeste Barber CHEER Live Chelsea Handler Chet Faker Chicago and Brian Wilson Chris Rock Chris Young Clannad Coheed and Cambria COIN Collective Soul Courtney Barnett Daniel Tosh Darius Rucker Dashboard Confessional Dave Chappelle David Gray Death Cab for Cutie Debbie Gibson Def Leppard & Mötley Crüe Deftones Denzel Curry Derek Hough Devo Dierks Bentley Franz Ferdinand Freddie Gibbs Gabriel Iglesias Garbage George Lopez Gera MX Gloria Trevi Goo Goo Dolls Greensky Bluegrass GRiZ H.E.R. HAIM Halestorm & The Pretty Reckless Halsey Hank Williams Jr. Hombres G Iliza Shlesinger Illenium Imagine Dragons Incubus Indigo Girls Interpol & Spoon Iration Jack Johnson Jack White James Taylor Jason Aldean Jason Isbell Jim Gaffigan Jimmy Buffett John Legend John Mulaney Jon Pardi Jonas Brothers Josh Groban Judah & the Lion jxdn Kane Brown Kany Garcia Keith Urban Kenny Chesney Kevin Hart Kid Rock King Princess Kip Moore KISS Koffee Korn & Evanescence Kountry Wayne Kraftwerk Lady A LANY Lauv Lee Brice Leon Bridges Lewis Black Lord Huron Los Angeles Azules Luke Bryan Lynyrd Skynyrd Mac DeMarco Machine Gun Kelly Maren Morris Margaret Cho Maverick City Music & Kirk Franklin Megadeth Metric Miranda Lambert & Little Big Town Omar Apollo OneRepublic & NEEDTOBREATHE Our Lady Peace Parker McCollum Patton Oswalt Pet Shop Boys Pitbull Porter Robinson Primus Puddle of Mudd Purity Ring Randy Rainbow Ray LaMontagne Rebelution Rels B REO Speedwagon & Styx with Loverboy Rex Orange County Rise Against Rob Zombie & Mudvayne Rod Stewart Roxy Music RuPaul's Drag Race Russ RÜFÜS DU SOL Sam Hunt Sammy Hagar Santana & Earth, Wind, & Fire Sebastián Yatra Shania Twain Shawn Mendes Sheryl Crow Shinedown Sigur Rós Simple Plan Slipknot Spoon Static-X Steely Dan Sting Summer Walker Swedish House Mafia Switchfoot Sylvan Esso T-Pain Tai Verdes Tash Sultana Tears For Fears TECH N9NE Tedeschi Trucks Band Tenacious D Tesla The Airborne Toxic Event The Avett Brothers The Beach Boys The Black Crowes The Black Keys The Chainsmokers The Chicks The Doobie Brothers The Head and The Heart The Killers The Marcus King Band The Offspring The Who Third Eye Blind Thomas Rhett Tim McGraw Tina Fey

from Best DJ Kit https://edm.com/news/odesza-swedish-house-mafia-rufus-du-sol-tickets-live-nation-concert-week

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mandyjane-lifedesign · 4 years

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World Suicide Prevention Day

Talking about mental health The Lions Barber Collective works hard to educate barbers on how to spot the symptoms of mental health and depression, whilst encouraging men to talk to their barbers (and each other) about their issues. Set up by inspirational British barber Tom Chapman (pictured below) after losing a friend to suicide in 2015, the Lions Barber Collective is turning barbershops into safe spaces for men using the opportunity of a regular haircut to start conversations about mental health. The group is having an enormous impact with men who traditional mental health services can struggle to reach. Tom organises a professionally run training programme called BarberTalk, which is teaching barbers to ‘recognise, talk, listen and advise’ clients and works with the Samaritans charity – signposting the services they offer to clients in need. In 2020 LBC has teamed up with Health Education England and NHS SW Mental Health Clinical Network to deliver a new online version during 'Lockdown'. 2020 was also the launch of the docufilm The £1.7 Million Haircut which is available now on Amazon Prime Lions Barber Collective are helping to end the stigma around mental health issues in men. Suicide is the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK and, in 2018, 75% of all suicide victims in the UK were male. #LionsBarbercollective #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #preventsuicide #suicide #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionday #TomChapman Read the full article

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guyawks · 4 years

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Poachers Might Be Hunting You for Your Man Bun

That trendy man bun craze that’s been sweeping the world probably seems like harmless fun.

I mean, there is something really rugged and manly about a dude with a tied-up mop of hair. As a bloke, maybe it’s the first time you’ve ever grown your hair out. Maybe it’s an intrinsic part of your culture—or hipster subculture. Or maybe you just couldn’t find the time to get to a barber for a year. There’s definitely awesome things to be said about breaking down long-held gender roles and opening up the floor to different forms of self-expression. Whatever your reason, congratulations on your fierce flow.

But there’s also a darker side to the man bun trend, one that you’re likely not aware of. If you insist on keeping yours, please be informed that you may find yourself a target of very dangerous people. Growing your hair out, as far as appearance experimentation goes, is usually fairly low-risk. If you don’t like the longer hairdo, you can just cut it off, right?

Not if you’re dead, you can’t.

Far from the quaintness of what you see on Animal Planet, I’m here to tell you that there’s honest-to-goodness poachers out there who hunt human beings—in the same way regular poachers hunt animals. And, unfortunately, being a long-haired dude may land you as one of their most sought-after targets.

The hair trade as you probably understand it is an industry where people grow and sell their hair for profit in third world countries. There’s a bit more but that’s the gist. But, the cold reality exists that the hunting and hair trades are actually one and the same. Yeah. Human hair is in even higher demand than albino snow leopard pelts or endangered elephant ivory. If only you knew the horrors that I know about hair poaching, you’d chop off those magnificent locks right this very second.

You might be wondering why these poachers lie in wait for the odd man to grow his hair out, when there’s millions of women worldwide who already have full heads of hair. Well, the answer to this is that most hair poachers specifically want male hair.

I know it’s crazy. Women take excellent care of their locks and all hair is, well, hair. But that’s just the way that these scrupulous poachers operate. There might be an element of mysticism to it, something about the value of a lion’s mane over the lionesses. I don’t know. For whatever reason, they’re convinced men’s hair is stronger than women’s. From time to time, there have been stray cases of women here or there having hair poached alongside men. Usually, this is only in cases of mistaken identity, or really, really good hair.

Still, if you’re a long-haired lady reading this, thank your lucky stars it’s not you they’re after.

Note that extraction of victims’ hair isn’t like Locks of Love assembling a wig. Human hair poachers are looking to collect pelts, and seldom bother with such niceties as leaving your skin untouched. They want to scalp you, dead or alive.

In fact, they may already be tracking you, without you even realising it.

Subtle signs do exist that can clue you into whether you’re being shadowed. Indications of their presence include strange footprints in the mud, grass or snow around your house, or the faint sound of whistling outside at night. This is a signalling tactic poachers use to let other poachers know they’ve tagged a mark. Every now and again, you also might too catch sight of a red sniper dot trained on you while you’re out and about. It’s best not to respond to this.

While you’re now a target, you’re not a dead man walking. Chances are that you, like most other people, live in a city, town or other populated locale. In the event that a poacher has pinned you as their next mark, this is probably how you’ve survived for this long. There’s a reason why man buns are pegged as a “metropolitan” look.

Human poachers are mercifully deterred by urban environments, since they don’t offer natural cover and are too densely-packed with witnesses. But, should you venture out into the natural wilderness, be it for camping, hiking or fishing, that’s when it’ll very quickly become open season—on you. Manbun poachers will bide their time until you’re in one of these secluded, rural locations, and then set about claiming your hair at any cost. That’s why it’s imperative for you to stay in the city once you’re being tracked, if you’re insistent on hanging onto your mane.

The second you’re beyond city limits, the hunt is on.

Now, if you’re foolhardy enough to tempt these hunters by flaunting your perfect mane in their home turf, I can’t protect you. But there are a few tips to keep them at bay until you find your way back to civilization again. Never sleep without a lookout posted, as nighttime is the perfect time for poachers to strike your tent. Check your clothes routinely for tracking darts, since one planted on you will make it impossible to evade capture.

Obviously, the most effective way you can rid yourself of the poachers for good is by parting with your locks. If you decide to chop off your man bun to get a target off your back, remember to cut as close to the root as you can. This will provide the poacher the most valuable take, and they might spare you if they can salvage a garment from your scraps. Leave the lopped-off ponytail somewhere in plain sight, away from wild animals, where the poachers will be able to discover it.

Be advised that cutting off your hair may not always work. I’ve heard stories of hunters who, upon finding their mark has given himself a haircut, have opted instead to kidnap him and wait for the lost locks to regrow. After all, they already know you have the genetic potential to grow a full head of lustrous hair. If you don’t want to risk being caged like a trafficked safari animal, it’s best to avoid getting caught full stop.

Hair poachers usually hunt alone. However, if a target manages to outlast their efforts for long enough, they may team up with another poacher to get the job done. Learning camouflage and getting the lay of the land is key. Poachers can’t scalp you if they can’t find you. That’s what they set traps for. These traps will either be to capture or kill—ranging from bear traps to spike pits. But, if you have the misfortune of stumbling into one in the remote wilderness, you’d better pray it kills you.

My boyfriend was stubborn.

He held out on abandoning our camp site for days, convinced that he could somehow outwit these nefarious poachers and keep his masculine locks intact. In the end, though, I watched them tear the skin off his scalp—helpless and unable to save him. That’s why I’m educating people about these ruthless fiends. Even as a woman, I shaved my own head in solidarity long ago, way before I started researching the habits of hair poachers. After hearing all this, you may consider male pattern baldness a blessing.

I know you’re probably resistant to shedding precious hair over some random person on the Internet, not when you’ve already stood up to so much unsolicited critique. With some luck, you’ll never encounter a hair poacher and the issue will be irrelevant anyway. But, should you ever get any indication that you’re next in line to be turned into a weave or coat, please be sensible and put your life over your appearance. Poachers are not to be underestimated.

They don’t want to harm a single hair on your head. They want to flay all of them.

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