#the playlist in question is all of my 2022 songs

[movementsofmylife]

Playlist Shuffle Part 2: BL version

(from this post by @absolutebl)

rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, no skipping!

associate each song with a BL for any reason. no explanation needed.

Saoko - Rosalia

Not me

2. Gloom - Djo

History 3: Trapped

3. Heated - Beyoncé

Kinnporsche (only watched 4/14 ep so far tho)

4. snake - Sadum

The Untamed

5. tears in the club - fka twigs

Devil Judge

6. Opening - Dora Jar

Blueming

7. Ghost - Xdinary Heroes

Word of Honor

8. Impurities - le sserafim

Kieta Hatsukoi

9. Wannabe - Golden Child

Utsukushii Kare

10. Tempest - Huckleberryfinn

The Eclipse

#i saw this and really wanted to try #and then spent a ridiculous amount of time doing this #also #the playlist in question is all of my 2022 songs #and yeah #it's perhaps too broad of a range #but it was fun #BL Playlist Shuffle #i would love to see other people's takes #not me #history 3 trapped #the eclipse #utsukushii kare #kieta hatsukoi #the untamed #kinnporsche #blueming #devil judge #word of honor

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 10 (Part 2 of 2)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; depression; feelings of stress and anxiety; feelings of sadness; abandonment issues; allusions to a dark, forgotten childhood; arguing; heart issues addressed (POTs); use of heart monitors; revisited, vivid memories of sex; jealousy; body changes as a result of pregnancy; suuuuper sore boobs; negative self-talk (stretch marks specifically); talk of baby + pregnancy; pregnancy hormones...things get heatedddd; reader and jake are both stubborn + turned on, but can't be together and it's TOUGH; cheating; heavy petting; rubbing of bodies against each other (see: dry humping); hands on boobs oopsies (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter Word Count: 16.7k+

a/n: hi babes… <3 this is my personal favorite part out of the two… so, let me know how you feel… ;) love u all. busy day! i'm so sorry it's late. plz know i love you all sm <3

s/o to @joshym who is my favorite and the most wonderful encourager and sister in the entire universe. i love you more than i can say. you make life sunny and everything better <3

also, @alwaysonthemend, i love you so incredibly much and i’m so grateful for you and your unwavering support and texts that never fail to make my day <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

-🌼🌼🌼-

“The covetous man pines in plenty, like Tantalus up to the chin in water, and yet thirsty.”

-Thomas Adams

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 25, 2022

Friendsgiving. A standing, solid tradition since the first Thanksgiving you’d spent as Josh’s friend. It had always been you, Elsie, Josh, Sam, and Daniel.

But this year, you’d be entertaining new people. One you were incredibly grateful for. Jake. And one you weren’t even slightly sure about.

Maya.

She was the last person you wanted to celebrate a holiday all about Thankfulness with. But, you had to. Stupid ass shit that you couldn’t control, so you had to just pretend to be fine with it. 

To your benefit, you had a distraction – a fantastic, welcome one in Elsie. Elsie and a morning of grocery shopping.

For Friendsgiving, in a group chat between you two and the rest of the boys, Elsie had insisted that you two be in charge of pies. So, you two were currently wandering the aisles of Walmart with Pinterest up, recipes open to several flavors of pies that Elsie had decided the two of you should make.

And the way to make homemade crust since she refused to use store bought. 

“It will be a fun thing to try,” she’d sworn, aggressively pinning a couple to your shared board.

You were the one in charge of grabbing things off the shelves, while she pushed the cart and bossed at you what to grab for each recipe. The makings for apple pie and pumpkin pie already rumbled around in the cart. So, now you were on to the final pies and their ingredients. The few cans of cherry pie filling had just landed in the cart when Elsie decided to confront you about Jake. 

“What’s going on between you and Lover Boy?” She asked, trying to sound absentminded in her question, but you knew she was not thinking of it randomly. She’d most definitely waited for a moment to hit you with the question when you were forced to respond. 

And, you were. You were currently completely stranded at a Walmart with only her and one car to get you back to the apartment. There was no escaping the question. So, you decided to do what you could and only answer halfway.

“Well, he knows,” you started, grabbing a bag of sugar off the shelf, avoiding her eyes. “And things are going good.”

“What a vague response,” she hummed. “Why don’t you grab a couple cans of blueberry filling and hit me with full honesty.”

Rolling your eyes, you grabbed the can and turned to face her. A blush painted your cheeks that you couldn’t avoid. “I am being honest. He knows and things are good.”

“Yeah, that answer works for a random Joe, but not your sister. I’m not here for the fucking cliff notes.”

“I don’t care what you’re ‘here for’, Elsie,” you grumbled, turning to walk ahead of her toward the flour. “And why didn’t you ask me this yesterday when we had the entire day at Grandma and Grandpa’s?”

“It didn’t really feel like the right time to ask,” she defended, pointing to a particular bag of flour, which you grabbed and put in the cart. “I also didn’t want to stop talking about the ridiculous fangirl experience because that shit was hilarious,” she paused, gasping. “Oh! Speaking of fangirls and the other guys. . . When are you planning on telling Josh? I'm dying to start planning a baby shower and I want him to help me.”

“He didn’t tell you that I told him before my first–?”

“You told him?!” She asked, astonished. The cart squeaked to a halt behind you. 

Turning around with a laugh ready at your lips, you gawked at her. “What is wrong with you, Dramatic Ass?”

“Um,” she sharply started, hand on a hip. “My sister and my boyfriend are keeping me in the dark, that’s what’s wrong.”

“Josh is busy and I’m busy,” you responded slowly. “We’re not 'keeping you in the dark'. Also, he just found out a few weeks ago. It’s not like he’s known for–.”

“A few weeks?!”

You swiveled fully around to face her completely. “Els. Josh has never been one to talk about other people and their lives to shoot the breeze. You know this. He wasn’t going to bring it up if it didn’t concern him.”

“Well, it does. It concerns both of us. Aunt and uncle? Hello?”

“It’s also just a giant ass thing that I’m sure he’s still processing,” you argued. “Give him a fucking break.”

“I’m bringing this up to him,” she stubbornly stated, huffing and everything. “I’m going to make him own up to not telling me he knew.”

“You knew and didn’t tell him,” you reminded her. 

“That’s different; you didn’t want me to tell him.”

“And what if he thought I didn’t want you guys talking about it at all? He’s very sensitive to stuff of that nature.”

“I don’t know. I’m still asking him,” she firmly stated, continuing to push the cart forward, effectively ending the conversation with her tone. 

And, much to your joy, dropping the other part of the conversation as she went on a sassy rant about something Josh had done recently that pissed her off. 

It lasted all the way home and you were damn happy. . .

Although, you did have to work a little magic to get her to stop being such an over-thinker and asshole when it came to Josh. You had to give a plentiful amount of examples as to how he was all of these amazing things wrapped in one and not the person her mind was trying to convince her that he was. 

She had trauma and abandonment issues, too. . . she just didn't always show them like you.

But. . . it made you pause. Made you think of yourself and Jake. . . . your mind went to the clouds as you thought of your feelings towards him. You were still like this as you helped her carry in groceries, and only snapped out of it when she started bossing you again. Except this time, she was annoyingly giving you jobs around the kitchen to prepare the blessed pies.

-🌼🌼🌼-  

Jake had been the main chef for Friendsgiving.

All day, the apartment smelled heavenly thanks to his wondrous cooking. He'd started way early in the morning, and had awoken you with the incredible smells. . . but you had forced yourself to lay in bed rather than going about your morning routine. Truthfully, you really hadn't had to force yourself too much as you heard Maya's voice make unwelcome waves around the apartment through your door. You weren't in the mood for any of it this morning considering last night. Last night, when you'd seen him and Maya. . . . . Yeah, you'd still been in the process of blocking that the fuck out.

So, you'd only caught a little glimpse of him buzzing around the kitchen before Elsie and Josh had shown up. At which point, Elsie had been ready to hit Wally World.

But, now that you were back, you'd noticed that he'd taken charge of a few very important tasks. He'd roasted a giant turkey in the oven, made rolls and mashed potatoes from scratch, and a delicious gravy to accompany all of his dishes. Josh had been in charge of casseroles, and the other two hooligan men had been in charge of drinks and salad (a big bag of lettuce from Walmart with a bottle of Ranch and a plastic container of cherry tomatoes). 

Maya had been in charge of nothing, claiming via Jake that she would be helping him. But all day long, she’d just sat around, looking way too stupidly pretty, and watched him cook. Lazy ass. 

While you and Elsie slaved away at dessert, thankfully Jake was done with his preparations (save for the turkey that still cooked and created the most appetizing aroma). Meaning that Maya had followed him and wasn’t looming in the background as you made pie.

Which was good because you really did not need her around you any more than she had to be.

As you made pie after pie and sat them on top of the oven to go in once the turkey came out, you filled Elsie in on everything else that had taken place in your life as of late. Told her about the emergency room visit and everything you’d found out at the E.R.; how you’d come up with a solid morning routine to attempt a healthier pregnancy; and any intricate therapy detail that came to mind. 

The boys had been sitting in the living room, playing music on a few guitars (Josh, filling up the apartment with old Elvis tunes). Then, opting to talk for the majority of the time.

So, you'd been able to gain precious time with your sister. She had encouraged you and supported you just like you knew she would. She’d also gotten onto you for not taking better care of yourself and not taking prenatal vitamins sooner.

“You fucking idiot,” she laughed, bumping your shoulder with hers as she passed you in the kitchen with the last pie. “No, but really. I’m sorry that you’d been so stressed and overwhelmed to the point of forgetting to do shit like that. I wish I’d lived closer to you for the beginning of it all.”

Your ears perked up at that. “Yeah. . . Me too,” you said slyly, considering options as they filtered through your head. “What would it take for you to move closer? I don’t want to be selfish, I just don’t want to do this without you.” 

But, after the words came out  of your mouth, you heard just how selfish they sounded. Though, thinking about her being with you for the baby had been something at the back of your mind that you’d been contemplating for weeks. It didn’t mean you needed to drop that fucking bomb on her though. . . The baby wasn’t her thoughtless decision that she needed to change her life for. . . It wasn’t fair to her. 

“I’m sorry, Els,” you slapped a hand to your forehead, shutting your eyes to avoid any further self-induced embarrassment. “I didn’t even think about that before it slipped out. You don’t have to change any—.”

“Well,” she started, coming close to you and removing your hand from your head. As she held your hand in hers, she continued speaking. You opened your eyes to her. “That was actually my thing that I was waiting to tell you. . .,” she paused, trailing off. A slow smile lit up her features as her eyes brightened. “I put in a request for an office job attached to the company I work through. An office job for a branch of the company - based here in New York. . . Told them I didn’t want to travel any longer and that I’d appreciate something steadier as life changes. . .”

Your ears filled with excited static. “What?!” You gasped, eyes lifting with hope. “What did they say?!” 

“Well, a few people talked to a few people, and the director of the program I’m in gave his permission and then recommendation to that part of the company,” she rushed out. “So, in a few months, I’ll finish out my contract for this job and be living here full time for the new one.”

There was almost no time between the moment she’d said the words and the moment you’d leapt from your spot in the kitchen to give her the tightest hug you could muster. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Jake’s POV

She looked fucking gorgeous today. Everyday, in fact. But for the past couple of days, all I could think about was how thankful I was to have her in my life. Tis the season. No matter what, I was very thankful for her. . . For so many reasons. 

Though, the most prominent reason in my mind at the moment was how thankful I was to her for carrying our baby. So selfless and motherly and lovely. . .

So, I couldn’t help stealing repeated glances at her. I just hoped I wasn’t being too obvious. She was always beautiful, stunning—actual perfection walking—but the fact that our baby was in her belly just made matters much worse for me. She glowed in a way that she never had before. . . Drew my eye to her in a way that couldn’t be stopped.

It was wrong for me to look at her like this. I was in a serious relationship with someone else. . . I definitely shouldn’t have been eyeing her the way I was through the open layout, into the kitchen from my spot in the armchair. And especially not while I had my arm wrapped around my extremely hot girlfriend, and her nice fuckin' ass sitting halfway on my lap.

And, really. . . y/n had effectively broken—no, shattered—my heart all of those months ago in the kitchen. She shouldn't have drawn my eye to her the way she did after what she'd said. But, I really couldn't hold that against her any longer. It didn't matter as much as it once had. . . not anymore.

But, we weren’t meant to be. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I wanted us to be. . . It seemed too difficult for the two of us to manage. And, I had Maya. . . Mayamayamaya.

I would've been lying, though, if I said she wasn’t the most incredibly created human being. She was sculpted by the gods. . . Meticulously made to ruin me. When she really shouldn't. Fuck.

And now that she held my baby. . . The way her tummy rounded out more than usual, under her sweater—that shit left me completely speechless.

The way she held pregnancy was unparalleled to every other woman that had ever done it before. She was ethereal. And as great as Maya's ass was, there was truly no comparing it to the way y/n's ass looked in those leggings I’d seen her wear no less than a million times before. . . And just like every time before, I wanted to walk up behind her and feel the curve of it. Rip them the fuck down and bend her - dammit. I was so fuckin’ weak for her.

But anytime I felt Maya move against my arm, or lap, or smelled her perfume wave off of her with an action, I was reminded of how completely wrong it was for me to be checking y/n out. It was wrong how I couldn’t get her out of my head—all the time, she was there. Even in the most intimate moments with Maya, she kept creeping the fuck into my thoughts. 

But, truly, it just happened. Couldn't control it.

And, even when I got up to check on the turkey once more, I couldn’t help my reaction when I passed her. When I'd accidentally brushed past her on her way out, the way my heart pounded in my chest as our bodies touched for a millisecond. She smelled so sweet—just like a damned sugar cookie. And the way she’d passed so delicately against me. Her top half had pressed against me for a stolen moment in time, her eyes catching mine as her precious bump skimmed my waist.

And her breasts. Felt those, too.

My chest tightened and my dick twitched—it was almost too much. The air was stolen from my lungs. 

We were so close for those few seconds.

“Sorry,” she hushed, her eyes flicking up to look at me. A small smile was sitting on her lips, more out of embarrassment than anything. Her cheeks were the prettiest pink under my gaze.

But she wasn’t the one to be embarrassed. I was the only one who should have been embarrassed — for how I was instantly a teenage boy again, just because of a little brush from her body. 

“Don’t be,” I mouthed, like we were sharing a secret. My lips lifted to reassure her and my eyes lit up with an emotion I couldn’t explain if I tried. 

Her face softened at my expression, and then she was gone. 

And once I’d gotten the turkey out of the oven, I was mostly back to normal. I’d forced myself to think about sad images of roadkill enough to ruin the mood I’d set in my head. 

After breathing a few deep breaths, I called out that dinner was ready and all I could do was hope for the best for the rest of the day. 

End of Jake’s POV

-🌼🌼🌼-

Thanksgiving carried on from when lunch started at two in the afternoon, to the evening, and saw your friend group (and Maya) sitting around the living room.

You were all bouncing back and forth with the Roku remote. Rotating around your semi-circle, every person took a turn choosing a YouTube video to cast.

It had turned into a sort of game of who could play a song that meant something to someone else in the room. Jake had just had the remote, right before Elsie, and had played a song for Josh. It had been some song from Seussical The Musical, to which Josh had sung along to every word. He’d even gone so far as to get up to do a little performance of the song. 

“That’s exactly how it went,” Josh had chuckled heartily, the sound starting deep and lilting at the end. He dropped his arms from an obviously rehearsed dance routine, the song ending on a final high note. “I swear to God.”

“Oh, Joshua,” Sam’s eyes bugged as he looked at Jake with a laugh, who shared the moment of humor with him. “Trust me. We remember. Every single high school theatre production,” Sammy shook, as if reliving a traumatic memory. "All of it is seared into my poor, poor brain."

"Samuel, shut the fuck-," Josh started, before getting interrupted by his twin.

“Day in and day fucking out, Josh. That’s how often we heard those songs at home— for the months leading up to that damn musical,” Jake raised a thick brow. It made your tummy do somersaults - he was so handsome. “And I was lucky enough to hear it from backstage as crew. . . Every single rehearsal.”

“Yeah, you really fucking hated those songs,” Josh noted with a bubbling laugh, sitting back down next to Elsie, his arm falling around her shoulders. “Why would you make yourself suffer through that again?”

“Just playing the game,” Jake shrugged, rolling his eyes with a smile. He handed the remote over to Elsie, who sat on the couch, next to where he sat on the floor, in front of the couch. “But goddamn if I don’t ever hear it again, it will still be too soon.”

Sam agreed with a toast, raising his beer bottle as Jake lifted his. They nodded at each other from across the room. And you stared on, getting distracted by the woman who sat on the couch, criss-cross-applesauce, behind him, braiding his hair. 

Fuck that bitch, you thought hotly— ridiculously.

Admittedly, it took too far too long to look away from her pop-up salon. But you eventually did, and watched the screen as Elsie started typing something into the search bar. 

You knew better than to feel jealous of her. But, you couldn’t help eyeing her from your place, as you snuggled into the armchair with your favorite fluffy blanket covering you. Just wanted to let the chair swallow you, so you nestled deeper and closed your eyes to imagine it.

“This is one of y/n’s favorites,” Elsie said, the pre-video ad starting on the television. “The first time she watched this, her life changed. The perfect mix of her love for classic rock and soul music.”

Instantly, you knew exactly which song she was talking about. And when the video started, your heart expanded in your chest, making everything feel fuzzy and light. Everything felt okay. 

Change the World. . . . the Unplugged version. Eric Clapton and Babyface. . . . so many memories.

“This is our childhood,” you said, voice thick with emotion. The amount of tears you cried on a weekly basis was nothing short of humiliating. The baby hormones were vicious in their attack.

“I can’t tell you how many times we heard this as kids,” Elsie affirmed, looking over at Josh. 

“Grandpa is a strangely huge fan of Babyface,” you giggled, throat loosening a little as the laughter bubbled from your chest. “This Unplugged vinyl played on a loop for a period of time.”

“It was that year we bought it for him for Christmas,” Elsie added, agreeing. She was watching the screen with tears in her eyes, too. “But you ended up loving it so much,” she looked over to where you sat. “That the next Christmas you got your own vinyl of it. From yours truly. You're welcome." She winked, blowing a little kiss your way.

“I do take partial blame for the constant looping on the living room record player,” you smiled, winking at her. 

She winked back. “Yeah, you and Grandpa had equal hand in his Unplugged record warping on this song.”

You grinned, sticking your tongue out at her as she did the same. When Eric Clapton started singing, you gave the screen your full attention. The sound of this song only brought back the happiest memories. Even before hearing Babyface’s cover, it was a family favorite. It was a song that made you feel whole. 

It was the one song your Grandpa loved to sing to you. . . Before this version had ever come to your family’s attention. He'd sing it in those soft moments that felt like glowing rays of sun hitting your skin on a hazy summer evening.

But when your Grandpa had heard the Unplugged cover on the radio, the Earth had shifted for him. . . And even though it didn’t top your Grandpa singing it, the cover featuring Clapton held a special place in your heart with how often you’d heard it bouncing off the walls of the living room. It played so often that you associated it with some of your best days. . .

You'd still been innocent enough, still, to enjoy the world through a rose-tinted lens. And, far enough away from the trauma with your Mom that life had felt new. Ironically, the cover of the song had come around when your world was finally feeling like it had changed. It had been an intricately timed re-release of the lullaby your Grandfather had once poured over you as you’d drift to sleep on both restful and restless nights. The song felt safe – sort of like your Grandmother’s cooking felt for you. 

“You know, it’s funny,” Josh’s voice cut through your drifting thoughts. You kept watching the two men on screen, but tuned in to your best friend’s dialogue. “Jake loved this version, too. When YouTube came around, he would watch this version back to back, trying to memorize the way Babyface and Eric complimented each other on their guitars. He always wanted–.”

“To play both parts and record them on top of each other," Jake finished, watching the screen intently. You’d let your eyes wander from the screen momentarily to see his expression after hearing Josh’s story. He still looked utterly invested; just like you imagined he had looked as a kid re-watching it over and over again on YouTube. “It’s not really an intricate piece. . . I just found it at a time when I wanted to try everything I could on guitar. I knew how to play better than most 14 year olds, yes, but I still didn’t know half as much as I do now,” he explained, never looking away from the musicians. 

You saw movement at his waist, and when you looked down to observe, he seemed to be playing a guitar part in the air. And you knew if he picked up the instrument right now, he’d match one of the men in time. Whichever one he was currently studying - you couldn’t tell. 

“I don’t know why I never recorded myself playing both parts. Synced them over each other,” Jake mused, still playing in the air. “I used Garage Band like it was an addictive fucking drug–.”

“You can say that again,” Sam inserted, acting annoyed but still grinning so wide all the same. 

“But I just forgot about it, I guess,” the older, long-haired brother continued, as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “I’m getting the urge to do it again now – it’s coming back strong,” he chuckled, looking down at his fingers with a brow raised–just like he’d do if he was actually playing. 

It was fucking hot to watch him play so intently with nothing there to support him. Only his mind, full of the memorized chords from years ago. And to a song that meant so much to you. 

“I’m sure the guys at the studio would let you do it with their recording equipment,” Danny offered, also watching the famed musicians with intrigue, glancing over at Jake. 

Jake sucked in a breath, dropping his air guitar before leaning back against Maya, closing his eyes and sighing with one particular scratch of her nails against his scalp as she tugged out the french braid to start another.

Gag. You could vomit at the sight of their mushy-gushy behavior.

Your hand floated to your stomach to remind yourself of one thing you had that she didn’t. 

“Nah,” Jake sighed, opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling. “I feel like it has to be done without the expensive stuff. It has to be recorded in a way that baby Jake would have recorded it. . . I just–,” He wrinkled a brow, releasing a grumble under his breath.

There was something he was concerned about. . .

And, as he sat back up to watch the men finish out the song, Maya made a little huffing noise, crossing her arms over her impressive chest. But, in all of her perfection, she covered the noise with a small smile and a shake of her head. Just seemed to be joking with her little bratty act.

Oh, how cute and funny.

She’d looked over at Sammy, who’d made a little sound at Jake’s words. You followed the line of sight.

“What’s the deal, brother?” Sammy questioned, leaning forward to emphasize his care for Jake. 

“I just don’t have the time to do a little side project like that–can’t even think about prioritizing it,” he replied, combing a hand through his hair, untangling anything that resembled a braid. Maya did outwardly pout at that. She whined his name and said something about her hard work. You couldn’t help the tiny smirk that lifted your lips at the scene. You tried your best to hide it, and just focused on the screen again. “And even calling it a project sounds silly with everything else going on in life right now.”

Before you could feel too guilty for the situation under your palm that added to everything going on in his life, Josh spoke up with a giant gasp.  

“Baby Jake!” The curly-headed twin exclaimed. You all looked in his direction, equally confused with knitted brows. “That’s just it; record it like you would have back then with the intention that it’s for your baby. Something fun to do. But. . . You’ll prioritize the time if it’s for the baby. If you look at it that way, it won’t seem silly at all," he wiped his palms, arm back over Elsie as he finished with jazz hands. "Ta-da!"

As the song concluded and the next ad started (an ad for baby diapers, of all things), Maya was urgently pushing Jake out of the way, claiming she needed to pee. And as she passed between your line of sight and Jake’s, you realized you were zoning out on him when your eyes met his, just as she rounded the couch. 

He gave you a small smile, his eyes staying on yours, floating down to where your belly hid under your blanket, and then back to your face when he responded to Josh’s idea. 

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan, Josh,” he said, gaze never once leaving yours. 

The fire that rose from the pit of your tummy, all the way to your cheeks was not a new feeling with Jake, but for some reason. . . this time, it felt unlike any time ever before. 

-🌼🌼🌼- 

Everyone had stayed, having decided to lounge on couches for the night to sleep. They were all in equally deep slumbers (save for Maya, most likely still completely awake and waiting for Jake in his bed). 

You’d all stayed up until the wee hours of the morning–much later than you had in a long time. The only way you’d been able to make it, the tiny cat naps you’d dozed in and out of. As you’d done that, everyone else had continued on with their little YouTube game. 

Now, here you were, completely exhausted, practically dragging yourself to bed, ready to sleep. Just barely managed to wash your face before Jake had hopped into the bathroom, right after you, to brush his teeth.

But before you could make it inside your room, he passed by behind you. You weren’t even looking. You’d just smelled his heavenly cologne, a favorite scent of yours (and the baby’s, apparently) flood the space around you. You knew he wasn’t actually drenched in the smell of sandalwood and vanilla, but your baby-powered-super-senses could’ve convinced you otherwise. He smelled delicious and you could easily drown in him. 

Though, instead of focusing on that, you let yourself act on something that was threatening to leave your lips. No matter how hard you tried to stop it, your tired brain wouldn’t let the words halt. 

“Please don’t stop pursuing your dream or any other thing just because of everything that’s happening with me and the baby,” you rushed out, peeking up through your lashes for a moment before locking eyes with your hand on the knob of your door. “I don’t want you to ever feel like this is taking up too much space in your life or causing any unnecessary stress. You can back out whenever you want if you feel like that’s what you need and I won’t be upset with you for—.”

“No,” Jake responded, soft and stern, moving to stand in front of you. You had no choice but to look up at him, he was standing so close to you. His eyes bore into yours. “I’m not going to back out. I couldn’t do that–wouldn’t ever do that. I want this. I promise. It’s everything else, I think, that’s stressful. The baby is something I get to look forward to,” he reassured, his voice wavering just enough to worry you. 

But you didn’t let it get to you. Tiredness prevailed above any doubtful emotion you could’ve mustered. You could only sleepily nod your head at his words. 

“The baby inspires me even more to make it all happen,” he rasped in a velvety tone, assuring you. After, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. Your sleepy eyes slowly followed the motion. You wished it was you. “Everything else is still exciting, too. . . But it’s a lot and it gets me thinking about how different everything is about to be. It’s scary. But– it’s. . . the baby makes it all seem brighter. Better. I’m not just doing it for me anymore. Not even for my brothers. It’s for my baby,” his full lips spread into a loose, close-mouthed grin. “Our baby.”

Your tummy flip-flopped and all you wanted to do at that moment was kiss him. You felt the slightest inkling that he wanted the same, with the way he’d brought his body in front of you, closer than he needed to. But. . . you blamed it all on tiredness. There was no way you could trust yourself to make actual, coherent assumptions. You were getting carried away, and even though you wondered of the possibility that he could want it, you cut off the idea. 

Tired or not, you knew one thing. He didn’t want you. He had a girlfriend. A real relationship with a woman much more beautiful than you. So, before you could get trapped in his big, beautiful brown eyes any longer, you decided to bid him goodnight. 

Though, just as you’d opened your door to go into your room, he stopped you. “Hey, real quick,” he cleared his throat. You looked up at him, confused at the sudden stop. “Maya–um,” he shook his head, brows furrowed as he messed with his bottom lip. “She told me that she wanted me to help however I possibly could. She wants me to be attentive and helpful in any way I can be.” 

He was right there - a step away. His breath, fanning over your face. You could smell the mint of his toothpaste. “Obviously with limits,” his voice lowered a bit as his eyes peered down at you. 

What was that supposed to mean? Surely he didn’t mean. . . But, you responded the only way you could think to.

“Obviously. . .,” you trailed off, raising a brow out of complete confusion for the conversation’s direction. “I wouldn’t want you to cross any sort of boundary. You’re in a relationship with her. Not me.” 

“Yeah. She’s my girlfriend,” he replied, voice rasping on a hitched breath. His body felt as though it was wrapped around yours in an act of protection. He’d brought his hand up, above your heads, as his body curved in towards you. After a pause, he continued. “But I don’t want to make any boundaries with the baby ever. Not at all. I want to be present. From now until always.” 

Suddenly, the moment was gone for you. There was no way he’d ever meant it as anything more. All he’d meant was you needed to remember there were boundaries. This was all about the baby. It was selfish to ever think any different. 

You knew better than to believe any different than that. Your thoughts got out of hand so damn easily these days. Why did you let them wander so far when you fucking knew better?

You backed up, your back touching the doorframe behind you. He scrunched his brows, but you weren’t sure why he was acting confused. It was late. You were definitely imagining things. He was just tired, too. . . that was all. 

“So. . .,” he cleared his throat. “Just let me know however I can help with the baby. Please.” 

“Okay,” you whispered with a quiet nod of your head.

“Okay,” he muttered with a gentle, distant grin. He nodded his head as well. And right before he opened the door to his room, his words barely touched the air as he told you goodnight. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 28, 2022

Covid. Gia had Covid.

Your heart broke for her having to deal with that absolutely terrible illness. And your nerves were climbing up the wall at not being able to see her. She wasn’t so bad that you couldn’t email her if you had questions or needed advice. But, you also knew better than to bother someone who was sick with something like Covid. 

So, you were spending the time that you would have been gearing up to go to Gia’s office, on this chilly autumn day, pacing back and forth in your living room. Cuticles thin from chewing and perspiration accumulated at your hairline and under your arms, you weren’t sure what to do. 

The idea of losing time on healing before the baby arrived was stressful to say the very least. You didn’t want to be any less of a mother than your baby deserved. He or she deserved a mentally stable mom. . . and in order to get there, you required several hours on Gia’s couch. 

All that could wave through your one-track mind was how terrible you felt for being so stressed about your healing while Gia was so sick. She was the one who needed to get healthy sooner rather than later.

You tried to remember the words Gia had put at the tail end of the email she had sent. She’d put in a few words that reminded you how well she knew you.

Don’t stress too much about the session being cancelled. :) Things happen and we have plenty of time, y/n.

Those words, typed specifically to assure you. Except, you’d worked yourself up too much for it to work very well after you’d read the title line of her email. Just a few, simple words: Out Sick – Sorry!

If even Gia’s words weren’t helping to calm your nerves, you weren’t sure how you were going to make it through to the next appointment.

After an hour of feeling unsure about literally everything, you decided the only way you were going to make it was by doing some other form of self care. And the first thing that came to your mind was food. Food always sounded good these days (nausea taking a backseat thanks to your meds and second trimester), and it would help you feel better while also supporting the baby’s health in the womb.

But it took you no time to get sad because you didn’t know what kind of food you wanted. . .

You’d resolved to just not being able to win at life for the day when you heard the front door jingle on the other side with the sound of a key unlocking. 

Jake was home. Fuck. He was home to take you to therapy and you hadn’t even thought to text him and tell him– shit. Instead of doing what he would have rather been doing, he’d made a useless trip home. 

It didn’t take him long at all to notice you sulking next to the window, face-palming next to the it, where you’d been people watching minutes ago, from your vantage point a few stories up. 

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, concerned, as he came right up beside you. “What’s going on?”

Whenever you looked up from having your eyes pressed into your hand, you refocused your eyes on his worried ones. “I don’t have counseling today,” you sullenly stated. And rather than going into any more details, you just apologized. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. There was no point in you coming home.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” he calmly reassured. Again, you found his line of sight. His eyes felt like the sweetest reassurance. “You look like you could use someone to talk to.”

“Don’t waste your time on me,” you waved him off, scrunching your brows in an effort to seem nonchalant. “Just go back to doing what you were doing.”

“Well, I don’t have any plans because I was planning on being with you all night,” he laughed just a bit, under his breath. He flicked at the tip of his nose with a pointer finger. 

“All night?” Your stomach swirled at the thought, but you also felt incredible guilt at stealing that time from him. “God, I’m so sorry, Jake.”

“Please don’t be.” It was his turn to wave you off while shaking his head. He swept a hand through his hair. “I’m glad I was here– glad that I am here.”

You didn’t really know what to say. There wasn’t anything you two could do that wouldn’t get completely awkward after a while. Right? It was only four o’clock and he planned on spending the rest of the evening with you? What were you going to–?

“What do you want to do?” He asked, adjusting his jacket over his shoulders. “Wanna stay here? Order in? Go out and do something?”

Going out sounded like a date. . . and that felt wrong to do. But you also absolutely despised the idea of staying inside of the apartment to wallow for a second longer. . . . 

And it didn’t take you very long to realize you were still wanting food, hunger starting to feel like empty weight in your rounded tummy. 

“Food?”

“Food,” he agreed with a grin, winking at you before turning around, effectively making your brain turn to complete mush as you grabbed your own jacket and followed him out the door. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

The night was one of the best you’d had in a while.

He’d taken you to get Panera. Weird, yes, but their tomato basil soup had been calling your name the second it’d come to mind, as you'd searched places to eat.

And after sitting across from each other and just talking about his budding career and your classes, at Panera Bread. . . he'd told you he wanted to take you somewhere special. And, just as the sun was setting, you’d pulled up to a Barnes & Noble on your side of Brooklyn.

“Tell me why you’re stressed,” he’d said, putting his car in park.

A used, four-door (hard top, thankfully) Jeep. An all-black, mid-thousands model. After riding around in it all evening, you’d noticed it rode really well. It was just slightly strange that he had a car. He hadn’t had one when you’d been. . .

You cleared your throat, back on the subject at hand. “I never said I was stressed,” you stated, feeling ready to combat the truth. For whatever stupid reason. 

“You didn’t have to say it,” he breathed deeply through his nose, turning down the classic rock station he’d been playing. “I know you.”

Deciding it wasn’t worth a debate (because it was the truth–you had been very stressed earlier), you sighed; running a hand through your loose, natural waves, you responded. “Well, I’m just. . . this therapy is for me, yes, sure. But it really is mostly for the baby,” you explained. He sighed and you placed the hand you’d combed through your hair on your rounded bump, covered by your favorite oversized sweatshirt. “And having one session lost that I can’t be working on getting healed for the baby stressed me the fuck out. Still kind of is,” you admitted, glancing out of the small, rectangular windshield. “I just want to be completely better by the time the baby is here.”

“What are you most worried about?” He softly pondered, prompting you to talk through it. 

“That I’ll be just like my mom and project my hurt onto my baby,” you said wetly, swallowing the thickness in your throat. “I have so much in me that I don’t understand and it scares me how much I don’t remember – can’t remember,” you blinked to allow the new tear to make its way down your cheek before quickly reaching to wipe it away. “And it scares the shit out of me. It makes me. . . this terrible person to other people. I need to understand all of me, so my baby gets the best parts of me.” Sniffling, you swiped at your cheeks to rid yourself of the few more tears that cascaded down your cheeks. “And I don’t even remember the last time I saw those best parts. . . . so if I can’t see,” you huffed, your eyes finally piercing his, which stayed on you, intently listening “H-how is my child going to see them?”

Jake hummed, rubbed his chin. He never took his deep-set, amber-brown irises from yours. “It’s funny,” he started, a little grin ghosting over his lips as he spoke, “I’m seeing those best parts of you right now. I see those 'best parts of you' quite often.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, and you unzipped and reached into your belt bag for your heart monitor phone, willing it to not go off. There were butterflies wreaking havoc in your tummy. Naturally, your hands found their way to your tummy. His eyes followed that particular movement.

“How do you–?” You sniffed, shaking your head, zipping your bag back after a moment. “How do you see those things? I haven’t seen them since before you came into my li–- for a long time. And never consistently. . .,” you rambled, eyebrows drawn together, thumbs rubbing circles over the tight bump. “I’ve always been a bit of a wild card with my emotions. And finding out more of what I'd done from Elsie. . . I'm just way too similar to my–.”

“Do you think she was as self aware as you are?”

“I don’t know,” you answered, honestly. You would go with no, but. . . “I don’t know her well enough to make that judgment.”

“Okay,” he nodded, sticking his bottom lip out. A grin found its way to his plush lips, looking so kissable in the cramped space of the car. You leaned further into the door so as to not tempt yourself of anything. He continued, “Well, I would say she probably wasn’t. Or else you wouldn’t be wracked with so much significant trauma. She wouldn’t have left you hanging with so much to deal with. . . she would have been there for you. Helped you because she would've wanted to help herself. Would've been self aware enough for that,” he emphasized. “Parents say stupid shit. They do stupid shit. They’re humans. What matters is how they ultimately react.”

“But I react so brashly, Jake,” you argued, needing to be heard. “What happens if I do that to our–?”

“You won’t. I know you won’t,” he consoled you, his eyes so earnest as he conveyed the words. “You struggle with saying stupid shit. I do, too. So does everyone. You’ll figure out how to handle situations better, but it won’t be as hard as you think,” he shook his head, taking the keys from the ignition. “Not for you. You are determined. And you’re not this monster you’ve made up in your head.”

“Well, –,” you started, interrupting him, only to be cut off. 

“And your best parts are too many to name right now,” he surmised, winking at you once more. You rubbed wider, nervous circles on your tummy. “But one of my favorites is your determination to help others. The way you care for others. And if a mother has those qualities,” he pointed a finger at your tummy, and trailed the finger up to point at your face. “She will be one helluva fantastic mother. I’m glad our baby will have you.”

“Thank you,” you replied after the words had actually cracked the surface of your mental warfare. No voice appeared to combat what he’d said, so you let them sink, all the way down into your brain to truly consider for later. You didn’t fight them. . . which you viewed as progress. “Thank you so much. I–I needed to hear those things. And you were the perfect person to hear them from,” you blushed, crinkling your nose with the words. A smile settled on your lips, eyes drying. “Because I know you’re going to be the best daddy to this baby. I’ve known it for a long time. . . So, it means a lot that you think the same. Seriously.”

“Of course I think so,” he smiled, glancing once more at your tummy. “And the way you're always holding our baby. . . you love her so, so much. You’re already so intentional about loving her.”

“Her?” You asked aloud, wondering why he’d chosen that gender. Your hands held tighter to your tummy at the assumption. “Why girl?”

He hummed, looking out the windshield, past your head, with a wide grin. “It just feels right,” he concluded, before motioning at the windshield, nodding towards it. “Look.”

You did as he said, turning to see a mother and son (presumably) traipsing up to the store, just past the nearest cart corral. The little boy was skipping, and the mother was watching her like the entire world started and stopped with the child. The sky was bluer because he was around. You felt that. 

“The way you’re watching them says enough, honey,” he concurred. There was that nickname again. . . Honey. Your heart skipped a beat at the term. “I see it all over you. You’re going to mess up. Parents do. My parents did a lot and I still think they’ve been the best parents.” When he gave a small, breathy laugh, you looked his way. He rubbed a finger over his bottom lip. “But what good parents do after they mess up is– they have humility and apologize. They show integrity to their child. You do that. Already. For me.”

Sitting across from him in the still air of the Jeep, you let your eyes bounce back and forth between his. His smell, warm, sweet, and woodsy, was enveloping every sense of your body, in the taut air of the vehicle. His breathing laced with yours, your heaving chest kept up with the rhythm of his. He was steadier than you. . . he seemed fine. 

You felt anything but. Your emotions were going haywire at everything he’d just said. The man he was to you. . . he was too good to be true. 

But, instead of letting yourself get sad that he wasn't yours, you looked at the store behind you and cleared your throat. It opened up your mind and the air in the car. He blinked a few times, tilting his head slightly, watching you. 

“Wondering why we’re here?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I thought– let’s get out,” he said, pausing the conversation to unload from the Jeep. You followed his lead, taking the tall step as gracefully as you could to get down and out. The slip almost happened–but didn’t. Thank god. 

Joining him at the back of the car, you waited for him to lead the way and continue. You wrapped your jacket tighter around your body, over the sweatshirt. There was a bite in the air that hadn’t been there before. Jake tightened his jacket, too, tucking his hands in the pockets of it. “I brought us here because I knew you were stressed. I knew it probably had to do with the baby,” he started, looking down at you. You felt his stare, looking up to meet it. “So I thought maybe coming here to get some books to study and prepare would help you feel more at peace about whatever was on your mind,” he drew in a breath before blowing it out into the cold, dry air. “And now that I know it had to do with preparedness, this was kind of–.”

“Perfect,” you finished, nudging him with your shoulder. 

He looked down for a second, his eyes read an unknown emotion before he kept on. “I know you probably have a lot of books already, but–.”

“There’s no such thing as too many,” you replied, leading the way through the automatic doors. 

“Precisely,” he agreed, coming to a stop as soon as the two of you had entered. Raising a brow, he looked down at you before throwing a thumb over to the in-store coffee house. “Want something?”

“You don’t even have to ask,” you responded with a light smile, walking toward the smell of comforting coffee and cakes. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

He’d footed the bill the whole night. . . including the surplus of books from Barnes & Noble. It had been a hefty bill, but he’d refused to let you pay. He had convinced you it was part of co-parenting – sharing purchases. And this was one of his first purchases to make for the baby.

“This was a good idea,” you mentioned at the end of the evening, juggling your one bag of books that you’d insisted Jake let you carry (the lightest one, after compromise) as you led the way up the stairs of your complex. “Focusing on other ways we can prepare for the baby, rather than worrying about what we can’t control.”

“I have a decent idea every now and then,” he chuckled, out of breath as he handled the bulk. 

Once you made it to the door, you unlocked it for the two of you.

And, for a moment, it felt so domestic.

It felt like a dream you shouldn’t dream. Arriving home after a big shopping run, walking through the door together as you laughed at the heaviness of bags and discussed a few of the books you’d chosen.

And as you made your way through the door finally, it broke your heart to see the night go. He wasn’t necessarily acting ready to end it, but the impending ending made your stomach turn. You wanted this for longer. 

He was going on and on about all of the things he’d researched as of late concerning babies and pregnancy and everything in between. You decided on grabbing a Canada Dry from the fridge, letting him sort the books on the counter into categories as he kept conversation easily.

Every now and then, you offered a small response to show you were listening, but otherwise, you let him talk. You loved listening to him talk about all of this. 

It made your heart feel ten times bigger. Though, as you took a sip of your ginger ale, watching him sort the books, your heart began to sink instead. 

You couldn’t help how much you adored his desire to learn about all things ‘baby’. He was already so good at his job as dad.

The way you’d felt all night–so peaceful with him. . . you knew it was good for you. He was literally your mental safe place (you hadn’t told him that though. Absolutely not). But. . . you knew it couldn’t go past the feeling of good friendship. Co-parenthood.

The unfortunate part, though, was that you really felt unable to stop the way you were feeling for him. It felt new and familiar all at once.

Though, you knew you couldn’t let yourself feel that way. You shouldn’t.

But with the way his eyes lit up when you looked up at him again, after staring at your feet in your whirlwind of contemplation, you knew you were doomed. 

There was no stopping the way that you felt about him. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

One morning at the very end of November, you woke up with a cold. A terrible one. The same cold that every other person in your classes was seeming to come down with. Theo had been gone with it all week, and you saw him more frequently than not to study. You’d decided on one or two days a week after class. There were also the few people who sat around you in class, who’d come down with it.

So, it was due time for you. 

Normally, you would have tried to make it through the day. But, you’d done enough reading to learn that coming down with a serious infection like the flu or Covid could lead to a baby’s fetal development getting stunted. So, you played it safe and decided to stay home until you felt better.  

You had called in to work that morning. And just after that, you’d emailed the professor you had that day to let  him know. Everyone you had spoken to was understanding, luckily, which helped you to sleep very peacefully. You only hoped that the extra sleep wasn’t just helpful to you, but also–mostly–to the baby.

Sleeping off the sick seemed the best option. You hadn’t really had the mental energy that morning to look into safe medicine to take for colds during pregnancy. So, sleeping it was.

Your colds were always intense–all of your sicknesses were. When you got sick, it never failed to knock you on your ass. So instead of stressing over it all that morning, you’d chosen sleep as the easier route.

You had been hoping that you’d wake up from a long nap feeling refreshed and better. . .but. . . you were not so lucky.

When your eyes fluttered open for the second time that day to find what was left of the evening sun peeking through your curtains, you officially knew it was time to figure something out. Your eyes were burning–hurt to open. There was an ache settled firmly in every bone in your body–weren’t sure if you were cold or hot. . . 

You were definitely sick. More than a cold. No two ways about it.

When you turned to your bedside table for a drink from your Stanley, you found your bedside table had a couple new additions since you’d fallen asleep. There was a brand new Stanley sitting next to your old one. One you’d eyed for a few minutes online a week or so ago, and then decided against due to the monstrously obnoxious size. . . 

You’d talked to Jake about it after he’d noticed your pensive face looking at your phone screen for longer than necessary. . . And now, there it sat on your white, wooden night stand. A 64 ounce, rose quartz Stanley, in all of its glory. 

And leaning against it and next to it were a concoction of helpful remedies with a couple of sticky notes to explain each of their benefits. The handwriting gave him away. Jake. In his scrawl, he detailed what to take and when, which ones you could take together. He’d even written out the link to a website talking about pregnancy-safe cold meds. There was also a fruit punch Gatorade. When you reached out, it was still cold. He’d been in recently.

Moving on from the drink and meds, you glanced at the Stanley and saw it had a sticky sitting underneath it, waiting to be read. 

Plenty of water will help you and the baby stay healthy. It was worth it 

It had perfect timing and came in the mail today of all days

:) –Jake

The note effectively had your head spinning from something other than sickness. . .his kind gesture, making your stomach do soft flips. Your hand floated to touch your tummy at the idea of him doing so sweet for you (and for the baby–his baby).

After reading his advice on what to take, you went ahead and took some Tylenol for your headache and body aches, then used a nasal spray to help loosen up whatever drainage you could. The Vicks rub he’d left had been a welcome solvent on your chest, temples, and under your nose. 

But, it didn’t take long for your stomach to start rumbling, so you took that as your sign to find something that would ease the scratch in your throat and warm you up. 

You went out to the kitchen for food, holding your brand new Stanley, taking several healthy sips of the iced water from it. When you bent down to pour food in Stevie’s dish, you realized there was already kibble in there. . . that Jake undoubtedly left for her.

You were sure your heart monitor was picking up all kinds of strange palpitations at his gestures. 

Around the time you’d noticed Stevie’s food, you went to text him to tell him thank you. Only to find he’d sent a text about twenty minutes ago saying he’d left for the night. And while it made your heart sink, you knew you had no right to feel sad about it. . . especially when he’d done so much to help you before you’d even woken from your nap. 

To add emphasis to that thought, you noticed at just the right time that he’d also left a couple Panera soups waiting on the counter for you. God. . . he was wonderful. You read the note he’d left with the two little sealed containers.

Soup is the best when you’re sick :) 

–Jake 

Your body was already hurting a little less after you’d heated and almost instantly downed one of the delicious soups. A warm shower sounded more than tempting, so you didn’t waste time throwing away your trash and making your way to grab the shower steamer pods he’d left for you on your bedside table (they were a pregnancy-safe brand, he’d assured on a sticky, which made you softly smile). 

After placing them in the heating shower to begin dissolving the comforting notes of lavender and rose, you padded back to the kitchen for your new Stanley when you noticed something on the counter.

In an arranged group on the counter sat a few books you'd bought the other night. You recognized them. They sat with a notebook, stickies, and pens. Two of the books were closed, stacked, and tabbed with stickies–all bright pinks, greens, and blues.

Though, there was one more, face up and open, as if he’d had to leave unplanned and hadn’t had time to shut it. There was a pad of stickies sitting atop the page it was opened to. A pen was on top of the pad, which, when you walked closer, realized there was plenty of Jake’s scrawl already written on it. The page had a heading that read:

Props and pillows and sleep, oh my! 

And he’d written the following on his sticky, which lay upon the page: 

–Look into pregnancy pillows for y/n

–Be patient!! 

–Do what you can to help her find the right set up for sleep or rest 

–Adhere to her sleep schedules (no loud sounds or bright lights when she’s asleep, etc) 

–She needs sufficient rest (has healthy outcomes for her and the baby)

You went to look at the cover of the book, but before you could look at it, you stopped yourself. For some reason, it felt like an invasion of his privacy. Even though he’d left it open on the counter, these were his notes, not yours.

But just before you could walk any further to the bathroom and ignore his notes, the book stacked on top of the other had a note stuck to the top of it. And, written in bold, black sharpie, were the words Remember: Do WHATEVER you can to help y/n – it’s for the BABY!

The words it’s for the baby being written with finality at the end of the statement reminded you that chances were, all of this was not really for you. . . definitely not. You didn’t deserve that from him. No, whatever was for you was done for the ultimate benefit of the baby.

All of everything he did was for the baby. All of the words of reassurance. The trip to the bookstore. Panera. The meds tonight. Taking you to counseling. . . ev-ery-thing.

And that was fine. . .

So why was a tear drawn to your eye as you sped away from the book that sat on top of the counter? And why had you felt the need to go back to your room on the way to the shower, to get the Stanley cup you’d bought yourself? Why did the thought of using the one Jake bought for you make your stomach feel all tangled and weird?

Because he doesn’t care about you, a voice nagged, reminding you. It was a familiar voice, filtering in from the dark tresses of your mind. He doesn’t care about you. This is for the baby. So if you feel like it’s for you, know it’s not. Let him help the baby. Don’t be selfish. The baby matters most. 

You couldn’t help but agree with the voice. The baby did matter most. Not you.

So, you resolutely chose to wait out the calming scent of the steamer, until it all pooled down the drain. Stepping in when the scent was gone seemed the only option, as the way the shower calmed you was only for your benefit and not necessarily the baby’s. 

Yes, it sounded fucked up and foolish in your head. But you were trying to navigate these thoughts the best you fucking could and you were grasping for something that made sense. But all you were doing was making no sense. 

God, what the fuck, y/n?

And, stupidly, for whatever fucking selfish reason (because you knew for sure you were selfish–evidence proved that), you found yourself hiccuping on tears that hurt your already-aching body, under the lukewarm spray of the shower.

He didn't truly care about you. Not really. It was all for the baby.

-🌼🌼🌼- 

Once your mind was lucid after your little cold-sickness stint, you noticed stretch marks had started showing up. One by one, they’d started becoming stark and apparent and made you feel gross. 

The creams and oils you’d ordered seemed to help the slightest bit with the new darkness of the few tiger stripe-like lines. They truly looked heinous against your otherwise unmarred skin. You’d felt insecurities really begin to kick in after you’d cried in the shower on the first day out of three of your sickness. 

During the latter three days of your cold (or whatever the hell it was), you’d sulked and avoided Jake’s help in whatever way you could. You wanted his help with the baby. Only with the baby. But the baby wasn’t there yet. 

So, you didn’t need his help. He didn’t need to care about you. Only the baby. It was common sense. And it would be fine. 

But it still made you feel oddly unwanted. The feeling didn’t matter. 

But, for you, with your utterly complicated past, feeling unwanted came hurtling towards you, without any sign of stopping.

Since you were a child, feeling unwanted in your mother’s grimy home, a whole range of other negative emotions accompanied that familiar feeling. Most call it depression. Your oldest friend.

And, it had officially lit up for this new stage of your life. Why enjoy things for too long? It wasn’t worth it. Right?

So, the way your skin was beginning to scar due to growth you absolutely couldn’t control. . . it just set misery aflame in your amped-up insecurities and dispirit. 

On the first night of December, the depressive thoughts persisted. You stood with your big sleep t-shirt tucked up under your heavy-ass boobs as you lathered your tummy up with the last oil in your new, nightly anti-stretch mark routine. As you did so, tears pooled in your eyes at the sight of yourself. 

And, seemingly out of nowhere, your thoughts picked up on a different train. . . something you hadn’t really taken time to be super upset about yet. The thought slipped in amongst the rest of your woes. 

It was the thought of being a single mother.

And while it didn’t matter and wasn’t completely true, because Jake would be there, you’d still be doing it on your own in a sense. You would be on your own. The two of you definitely weren’t together. He wouldn’t be there with you. He would just be there, doing his own thing for the baby, with Maya by his side. (Nausea crept up at her name alone. Gag.)

You were going to be a single mother. Just like your own moth–. No. You locked eyes with yourself in the mirror, momentarily stopping the massaging of your belly. 

I will not let my mind go there, you asserted silently, staring daggers through your reflection. I am not her. I am not. I can’t be. I won’t be. What would Gia say? What would Jake say?

Amidst your crying and sorrowful thoughts, the knock on the door of the bathroom kind of spooked you. And, in the depths of your despair, you couldn’t really care fucking less who saw you right now. That was just how pitiful you felt. 

“Come in,” you said, sniffing and trying to cover the sound of tears in your voice by swallowing them. 

When the door began opening, you had to scoot over a little to let Jake in. You knew it was him. He’d been home all night with you, while Maya was busy doing whatever the hell she needed to do for her job. 

He’d spent a couple hours catching up on New Girl with you and it had been nice. Except, anytime you thought about how it wasn’t really for your benefit and rather him just being your friend for the baby. . . It just wasn't the same.

“You okay?” He carefully pondered, coming to stand slightly behind you in the mirror.

But, as soon as he appeared next to you and saw your current state of dress, his eyes went immediately to your bare tummy. He stayed trained on the bump that continued to grow, day by day. Still not huge, but definitely not small.

Insecurities were instantly blossoming at his stare. He was not looking away for anything, lost in a trance. He was probably in shock at just how big your belly had gotten, compared to the last time he’d seen you like this. Chances were, he was repulsed by what he saw. 

You effectively decided the stretch marks had been tended to enough for the night. You went to pull your Pratt shirt over the exposed skin. But to your surprise, his hand was shooting out, around your body, just as quick, to stop you before you could pull it down too far. 

He definitely succeeded in stopping you, holding your wrist. You were in shock – skin flaming at his touch . . .felt it everywhere. 

“I want to see,” he requested, sort of breathless. What? He wanted to–? “You look–this is–.”

“Ugly? Fat? Disgust–?”

“Beautiful,” he firmly stated, his eyes finally locking with yours in the mirror at the word. “This is beautiful. You are beautiful.”

His hand still held your hand over shirt, not daring to touch your belly. You couldn’t move to make the position change. The fact that he’d just called you beautiful was like a lightning bolt to your entire nervous system.

“I’m not–,” you shook your head, at a loss for words. You did not fully agree with him. Was it beautiful that you were holding the baby? Was the baby beautiful inside? Yes. But were you loving your body these days? Absolutely not. “The stretch marks. . . I’m so fucking big. . .”

“You aren’t,” he suddenly dropped his hand, and you were missing his touch as soon as it was gone. He went to lean against the bathroom counter, facing you. His eyes bounced between your belly and your eyes, settling on your irises as he continued. “You are not any of the things you called yourself. I don’t think any of those things when I see you. . . I don’t even understand how you could–,” he shook his head, blinking once before finding your eyes. “I just see a woman who is special to me. A beautiful woman who is carrying my baby.”

Carrying my baby. 

Those words. . . they did something to you. Your palms were sweaty as you held tighter to your shirt, rolled under your boobs.

“The baby is beautiful,” you concurred. And surprisingly, you didn’t trip over your words. “But I am–.”

“You are beautiful. I am talking about you right now,” he stated, with no room for disagreement in his tone. “Don’t discount that. Please.”

“Are you just saying these things because I’m carrying your baby?”

Where did that come from? Shit. Nothing like baring your most vulnerable feelings to the very person you feel most vulnerable in front of. . . 

“No,” he said without pause. He sounded sure. “You have always been beautiful. It’s just. . . enhanced now. I can’t. . .it’s hard to explain.”

You wanted to ask him to try to explain it but you didn’t.

All of a sudden, you felt confident to ask more. 

“You don’t just think so because of the baby? Do you just care about me because of the baby?”

Jesus. There it was. 

“We’ve gone over this,” he sighed, rubbing circles against his temple. He didn’t keep on with the action, instead stuffing his hands in his pockets as he found your eyes with his. 

“I know, but I just. . . I feel like I don’t matter. I mean, I really don’t right now do I?" You sarcastically laughed, eyes watering. "All I’m good for is being the big, fat incubator who hates her body and has ugly fucking stretch marks because my belly won’t slow the fuck–.”

“It’s good that it won’t slow down,” he reassured, amber-brown irises smiling with his lopsided grin. “It means the baby’s healthy and growing.”

“But you do think I’m an incubator,” you stubbornly persisted. “Didn’t say anything to argue that.” Your tone unnecessarily snipped with your next words, “Jake, you just want to help the baby. I know this. So just wait until the baby’s here. Don’t worry about me or making me feel better if you just want to help the–.”

“Where are you getting this from?”

You stared at each other for a few moments. . . . He gave you a look that told you he could see you.

“My mind is a really twisty place,” you huffed a humorless laugh, rubbing your own temples now. “It never shuts the fuck up,” you paused–didn’t want to say anything about the sticky note on the book that had spurred the thoughts. The same thoughts you’d voiced the night you’d told him. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve already been insecure about all of this shit. It’s just–.”

“I don’t view you as an incubator,” he insisted, crossing his arms, strong fingers wrapping around stronger biceps. “I view you as a brave fucking woman who is being selfless as hell. You’re growing a fucking human, y/n,” he said, grin widening. You felt your lips lift, too. He continued, “And I can’t help but be amazed by that alone every. single. day. And while that is beautiful, yes - I won’t say it isn’t because it is,” he unwaveringly asserted. 

“But. . . it’s more,” he kept on. “You’ve been this woman-the one in front of me - for a long ass time–before I ever knew you. Though, since I’ve known you, I’ve had the privilege of seeing this woman. I knew your heart right off the bat–since the day Josh told me about this girl who was letting a man she didn’t know move into her fucking home. Just because she cared about the situation. Didn't even know me," He raised a brow, lips quirking as yours did the same. “You’re selfless and–,” he paused. 

His eyes shut briefly before opening to yours. Except this time. . . they were wet with emotion. Yours were, too. Your heart was pounding and you felt warm with a blush, from your chest to your face.

“And kind. So thoughtful when you don’t need to be. You care a whole fuckin’ lot for others and sometimes it gets you in trouble because you get in your head and it hurts you,” he said, brows dipped with a shake of his head. “But the fact that your heart is the way it is in spite of everything you’ve been through–I can’t even imagine, y/n. All of that and so much fucking more makes you beautiful,” he tucked his hair behind his ears before they went back into his pockets. “So, no, it’s not just because of the baby. It’s just one more thing that makes you beautiful.”

You were utterly speechless, and you couldn’t stop the wetness in your own eyes, a tear trickling down your own cheek. . . How could he even begin to say all of those things about you when you’d been so terrible to him? Always made assumptions?

You weren’t sure how much time passed when you finally swallowed down your own tears and found the most simple words you could mutter. “Thanks, Jake,” you whispered.

“Don’t thank me,” he winked. It clicked with you that you could faintly hear your heart monitor phone going off in your room. It was alerting you of unusual heart activity. No fucking wonder - with the poetry the man had just spoken. He heard it, too, apparently, brows wrinkling. “What is that sound that’s been going off for the last few–?”

“My heart monitor phone. My heart is beating really fucking hard in my chest right now and the monitor picked up on the palpitations,” you blushed, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear as you finally pulled your shirt down. “I’m not used to hearing people say things like that about me. It just catches me off guard when you–,” you coughed, blinking as you located some sense. “When anyone says sweet things like that to me.”

Then, you were back in time. Yet again. On the living room floor. That day it'd rained. . . a quiet, gray morning. He'd said things so like what he'd said just now. The same day those Aretha Franklin songs had sealed a place in your heart. Well– both of your hearts, apparently. . . according to Jake at the bar.

A comfortable silence had crept over the two of you that morning, he’d so obviously been watching you– admiring you–not to be mistaken for anything else as you'd laid atop him.

His next words confirmed it. 

“Even in the grayness of this morning, you shine so bright,” he said, almost absentmindedly. “You fucking glow, y/n. You’re just brilliant.”

All you’d been able to utter was a measly, “Thank you.” The sound of tears in your throat, behind your response, had surprised you.

“Has no one ever told you?” Jake had pondered, his warm chest breathing steadily and comfortably beneath you.

You’d explained how Josh and Elsie were kind to you, but. . . “hearing you say something like that. . .,” you’d emphasized to him. “Those words. . . It just feels good. I don’t know,” you’d shaken your head, a tear falling to meet his tanned chest. “And no one has ever said those exact words to me, no.”

“You are all of that and more, my lo—,” he’d cleared his throat, stopping himself from saying a word your heart was now longing so badly to hear. “You are so many things wrapped in one, y/n. So many fantastic things.”

“Stop,” you’d sniffed, more tears falling onto his chest. “You don’t have to say things like that. I promise I’ll still want to have sex with you if you don’t,” you’d laughed, wiping your leftover tears. The words had sounded funny (true, but still funny) as they’d left your mouth. 

“I want to tell you those things,” he’d said, firm in his response. “You deserve to hear those good things. Sex or not.”

And tonight had proven that he truly meant that statement. No sex, and still. . . .

But . . . goddamn. The sex. 

With that thought in mind, you couldn’t help but watch the sway of his ass in his tight black jeans as you followed out of the bathroom behind him. You bit your lip after bidding him goodnight– only able to think of how fucking badly you missed the sex. 

“I fucking love you,” he'd once told you - on the very night that had gotten you in this predicament. “And god, do I love fucking you. . .”

Not that word. . . Where had it come from just now?!

Love. Love. Love. Love. You hardly ever thought of him saying it to you–tried not to because it hurt and you knew it wasn’t true anymore.

But when he’d said those sweet things about you being beautiful just now. . . apparently, your mind couldn't help but chant the word . . .and the sound of him saying it to you. Why?! He was just being kind.

It was so hard wanting him and not being able to have him. . . Not like you ever actually had him - but before you fucked everything up with your stupid, hurtful words.

And, god, did you still want him. 

You couldn’t have him like that – all of the reasons were plain as day. But. . . at least you still had the memories. The wonderful memories. But being pregnant made the memories so much worse. . . because one little thought of how he felt inside of you had you actually throbbing for him.

As soon as you got to your bed, you were reaching into your bedside table for your favorite little vibrating instrument. The thought of that morning. . . the idea of having your breasts pushed against his bare chest again as he told you things just like he did tonight. . . You knew it wouldn’t take long for you to be unraveling. 

Before long, you were feeling all of the tremors you craved from Jake’s mouth, from the little toy held just right against your quivering bundle of nerves. And in less than five minutes, you were  shuddering, body tensing and releasing as you breathily moaned his name into your pillow.

-🌼🌼🌼-

December 4, 2022

Your week ended with a particularly exhausting day at the Black and Gold. 

Inventory had come out of nowhere. And, with Josh busy with his new career, it was mostly on you to prepare for it.

The two other girls who worked with you couldn’t give two shits and it showed when you’d shown up for a shift after theirs. Nothing was ever prepared in the evenings or the following mornings if they were in charge—and inventory week was no exception. 

In fact, it was glaringly more obvious when it was such an important week as inventory week. 

And having to do all of that after your few solid days of feeling like complete and utter crap and while being pregnant? It had been one of the longest days you’d had in your whole life (dramatic? Maybe. But whatever.). 

And to top it all off, you’d come home to the apartment being very warm to accommodate the cooler weather outside. 

For normal people, it probably felt nice to come into the warmth. And, most likely, it would’ve felt great to you before your pregnancy.

It was just too damn hot in the apartment tonight. You’d wanted to come home and take a warm shower to wash off the day and relax your sore muscles, but the temperature of the place had you throwing that idea away real quick.

So instead, you hurriedly went about feeding Stevie before rushing to your bedroom to dig out the box fan stuffed at the top of your closet. You’d bought it the summer the A/C had let out on you and your sister, and had kept it handy ever since for fear of it happening again. 

And at this exact moment, it felt just as hot to you as it did that summer the A/C quit working.

The fan was plugged in and blowing at full blast, towards the bed, in no time. It was sitting on top of your vanity seat, pointing right at your side of the bed. The speed at which you’d gotten it situated was astounding. And your sheets were cool and crisp and tempting you to climb into them when you pulled your covers down. 

But you couldn’t climb in yet with the way your bladder was squeezing and hurting with how badly you needed to pee. You’d put it off at the B&G, ready to get home. And then you’d come home to an uncomfortably steamy apartment.

Before heading to the bathroom, you stripped completely of your tight bra (thank you, God), your stuffy sweater and your leggings. Then, changed into a thin pair of pajama shorts and the first camisole you could find in your chest of drawers. And thankfully the thin strapped shirt had no built-in bra to constrict you. 

You’d welcomed Stevie into your room, her soft purrs and shaggy fur rubbing against your ankles as you promised her of your soon arrival back. 

Finally, after peeing and washing your face, you were ready to lay right in front of that fan. 

You stopped by the kitchen to quickly grab a Stanley from the counter– to find nothing. No Stanley. Neither of them.

Shit.

Slapping your forehead, you remembered almost instantly where they still sat on the counter at the Black and Gold. Both of them. Your rush to leave and rest from your long day had prompted you to forget a couple of your most prized possessions. 

Without your go-to water tumbler, you felt naked. And even more thirsty. 

Your day had been long and hard and now you were paying for it. Ugh.

When you scanned the kitchen for a quick alternative, your eyes immediately landed on the case of waters that Jake had recently bought for rehearsals only. You didn’t give two shits. You were bound to steal one to satiate your thirst. 

The one problem was. . .

It was sitting atop the fridge. Out of your reach. And with the few inches Jake had on you, he’d stacked it up there so it would be out of the way. You remembered him saying those exact words as you eyed the package now. Hated those words. 

Because not only was it out of the way, it was out of your reach. Out of your reach when you were dying of thirst and needed a drink of water. Stat.

Without thinking of risking anything, you went to grab a table chair quickly and quietly.

You had to be quiet because Jake was home and you did not want to wake him. Not when you were in cavewoman mode. . . and especially not with the way your tits and ass were flashing in your current choice of clothing. Or with the ugly heart monitor that was attached to your chest.

So, as carefully as possible, you sat the chair next to the side of the fridge with the waters and climbed on top of the seat to grab the case of Pure Life. Briefly, you worried about handling a heavy object while pregnant, but put it to the side when you realized pregnant women all over America handled water cases like this. You were fine. 

In the lapse of time it took you to contemplate holding the waters, and getting it off the counter, you misplaced the package on the counter top. And right as you silently stepped off the chair, the waters came crashing down onto the floor of the kitchen. The harsh sound of plastic smashing against the ground, filled with several heavy bottles of water, seemed to linger in the air around you as you stood there. One foot still on the chair, one off ready to go. 

Not able to change the fact that it crashed onto the ground, you just stood there and stared at the offensive case of water for a moment and cursed it for its loudness. But before you could silently wish harm for too long, you were bending to pick it up. 

Once it had been safely placed back on the counter with careful hands, you glanced towards Jake’s room. No movement or sound from it. He probably hadn’t heard — deep in sleep. 

And then. . . Your pregnant brain was sparking to life. 

There was a fucking Brita in the fridge. Filled to the brim with ice cold water, versus the room temperature water in the case. You’d just filled it this morning before class. And ice cold water sounded so much more appealing than lukewarm. . . 

If only you’d remembered before that you had the filtered water waiting in the pitcher. . . There wouldn’t have been a giant crash to possibly wake your roommate. 

Putting all of the irritation out of your mind, you went to grab a glass quickly from the cabinet, then hastily pried the pitcher from the refrigerator. With nervous hands, you poured until the glass was literally overflowing. 

“Shit!” You whispered at the mess, anxious to be rid of this situation. Tired and thirsty and still feeling warm even in your cami and shorts, your ears rushed with white noise.

This was not ending up like you’d planned.

The pitcher had safely found its spot back in the fridge and you were finally taking a drink from your (overfilled) glass, when you decided to multitask and grab a few paper towels to clean up the counter.

But when they wouldn’t rip off the roll, you yanked too hard. And that resulted in the water you were still drinking, to spill. It dripped down your chin, down your top mostly, and into the top of your shorts. Sensory overload was doing what it did best, overwhelming you—making you lose grip and had the glass falling from your hand and to the ground. 

That shatter was much worse than the water case falling, the shards thankfully large, but the few sparkling pieces of glass had you shushing Stevie away when she approached with curiosity. 

And if Stevie was approaching, then surely someone else had heard—

“Y/n, what’s going on?” Jake hushed, his voice close behind you, sounding like it was coming from the entryway of the kitchen. 

You stilled. Of course he'd woken up. You’d made a fuck ton of noise. Real nice.

You turned on your heel, just the slightest bit, to peek over your shoulder at him. And with the luck you’d already had with the night, the action made you effectively slip from the bit of water that had made its way under your foot. 

Falling, more like—and not using the counter to catch yourself like a sane person—towards the hard ground and glass, bump—baby— first—fuckfuckfu—.

Jake’s arms immediately wrapped around you, effectively stopping your fall. He hugged you tightly to him. One arm wrapped fully around your stomach, hand secured to your side, firmly in place. And the other hand— gripping your breast. . . fully. 

He had you wrapped up in him, ass pulled into his crotch to keep you steady.

And ho-ly fuck.

Your nipple hardened instantly at the feeling of him holding your chest. You’d been waiting to feel his hand hold your sore breasts. . . And your assumption had been correct. His touch eased the pain in them, felt deliciously good—his touch didn’t hurt them like everyone else seemed to do on contact. 

But then he began moving his hands away. 

No.

“I’m sorry— I-I didn’t mean to—.”

“Stay.”

The word just slipped out as you grabbed hold of his hand, keeping it secured where he’d initially placed it, carefully situating his fingers over your nipple for the sensation you longed for. 

And when you did, he squeezed the flesh through your thin shirt. His other hand gripped your hip, exposed just a bit by your shirt – the way his fingers held you there made you fearful that he’d leave marks.

You fucking hoped so. 

And fuck, if he didn’t like it, too. You could feel it against your ass.

The way he continued to massage his other hand on your chest, wrapping his fingers securely around your breast, feeling it, told you so, too. The impulsive urge to pull down the top of your shirt and give him full access was becoming more and more appealing by the second. 

But you didn’t do it. Didn’t want to do too much and scare him away. 

You just let his arm come to rest where he apparently wanted it to, fully over the other breast. He comfortably situated his arm, rubbed a purposeful thumb over your sensitive nipple. 

“Jake,” you whispered. Couldn’t help it. He elicited this feeling. “Please.”

With your words, he pressed his front harder against your ass. God, you could feel the shape of him.

Letting the moment take over, you decided to let your body lean into his, rested against him and pushed your ass purposefully into his hardening dick. The breath he sucked in was not lost on you, and you craved hearing it again, so you repeated the action against him. 

His hand tightened around your breast, and he began massaging it as he used his grip to pull you even closer to him. His thumb moved to rub tight circles around your taut nipple. It felt so good. . . your head fell back against his shoulder, sucking in your own breath between your teeth. The way he gently kneaded the flesh in his strong grip had electricity shooting through your chest, all the way down to your toes. 

Your heart was going crazy, beating frantically, barely letting up with its assault against your chest. The feeling of him against you was enough to make you lose your breath with the way your heart was clenching in your chest, all the way up to your throat.

And then you heard a familiar, faint beeping from your bedroom.

The blessed heart monitor phone. Tracking when your heart rate would increase. The stupid phone didn’t need to tell you that it was beating hard right now. And so what if you fainted? You would do it in Jake’s arms. No better place to be. 

All you knew was that you were elated that it was still in your room – and quiet enough to the average ear that it hopefully didn’t break the air of want between you and this man you wanted so. badly. 

Jake hadn’t heard it - or didn't care to stop if he had, that much seemed to be clear.

He angled his hips, pressing so cozily into your backside. You could feel all of him – moving in slow circles, while still pressed tightly to your ass. That continued on for a while until he nudged himself, right in the middle of your ass. You felt him pulsing. Tucked into you, making your core throb even more for him.

Your nerves were on fire, and when he began rolling his hips, thrusting into your ass. . . you released the tiniest moan. It was such a small sound that you briefly thought you’d imagined it. But then the hand that had been holding your hip came to wrap around your throat briefly, and then up to your mouth. 

His breath came in hot waves against your ear, his voice gravelly with need. “It’s late. We shouldn’t make noise like that. It’s too late.”

After making his point known, his hand moved to sweep some hair over one shoulder, leaving your neck exposed for him to breathe hotly against. . . and then lick. Your breath hitched at the sensation of his wet tongue, making loose circles against your hot, sweating flesh.

“You still taste so good,” he moaned with the words, ever so quietly. “You always will–but it’s like you taste sweeter than before. I can’t even–.

But he never finished what he was saying, choosing instead to press sloppy kisses against your skin. His lips and his tongue, moving together to suck gently. 

Fuck! What had gotten into–?

Your body relaxed into him all on its own, moving near enough to him that you felt like one. 

Your ass ground against him, pressing so close. He kept with his motions as he angled his lips to hover above your bare shoulder, breath hot on your skin.

Though, his kisses stopped. But, he still released puffs of overexerted breaths, over your skin, wet from his mouth. It made your toes curl and your eyes fall closed. He didn’t give your neck any more attention as he used his position to lean up and look over the front of your body, effectively pulling you even closer to him. 

“God,” he breathed, his breath hitting from exposed shoulder, onto your collar bones. Your motions continued, but just a little slower to keep him where he was, not wanting to somehow push him away. You felt him, throbbing steadily against your ass. “You’re soaked.”

You have no idea, you silently, hotly responded, moving to rub your thighs together.

But you remembered your predicament. What he was talking about. Your clothes were completely soaked through. There had been so much water. He was talking about your clothes.

“I spilled my water,” you breathed back, so quiet. 

“I can see that. Y/n– fuck,” he rutted against your ass, his hand moving to the bottom of your full breast to hold it in a steady grip. You realized he was moving his hand to see the entire breast, your straining nipples through the soaked white fabric. “Your tits. . . they’re so fucking– Goddammit.”

“Sore,” you moaned back, your body arching in need against the hardness in his loose pajama pants. “Heavy.”

“God, I’m sor–,” he went to move his hand again. And you once again brought your hand up to stop him. 

“No, Jake,” you held his hand in a tight grip, rubbing your thumb over the back of it. “Feels good.”

“Yeah?” He questioned, raspy and needy. 

Then, he was suddenly letting go of your chest to move your strap to do what you so desperately wanted.

Once it was draped over your shoulder, he moved a hand slowly over your sternum, into the front of your shirt. When he grazed his fingers over your oversensitive nipple, you whined, knees buckling. And, finally, he pulled your breast out to touch the air. 

And just before he could hold it with the hand that was readily going to grasp it. . . his bedroom door was creaking open. 

“Jakey?” Maya’s voice rang through the apartment. “You okay?”

Of course she was here. Why wouldn’t she be? 

You hadn’t heard the tell-tale sign of anyone taking steps towards the kitchen from the slightly creaky hallway, but you still decided you needed to get the fuck away from Jake. He was not yours.

You pulled away harshly and quickly, turning around all as you went to pull up your tank.

When you fully turned around, he was standing stock-still, watching your every move with your top, not letting his eyes fall away from your breasts. Your hard nipples. You felt the blush spread across your entire chest.

Then he bit his lip, your entire body heating at the motion, before he was responding.

You moved forward to hold his cheek, trying to wake him from the daze he was in. Your words barely hit the air, you were so quiet. “Jake, go back to your room. I’ll clean this up so she doesn’t–.”

“I’m good, babe,” he called back to her in a low tone, still honing in on your eyes. Your brows dipped, confused. He looked to the fridge, his hand coming to hold your bicep, keeping you there. Why was he not getting his ass back to his room? “Y/n’s asleep and I really don’t want to wake her,” he lied, eyes still glued to something to your left.

She could walk in and see he was lying! Why was he being so fucking careless? 

“Just go back to bed,” he continued, leaving no room for argument or worry. “I dropped something when I was getting up to get some water.”

“Okay,” she responded, not using the same near-whispering tone as him. “Just don’t be long, baby.”

“I won’t,” he simply said, amber-brown irises, tracing back to yours in the dim lighting of the kitchen, highlighted by the moon, shining in through the kitchen window. Full moon. Anything can happen. 

And what was happening was wrong. 

When you heard his bedroom door click closed and a little squeak from the bed to indicate someone had placed weight on it, you pulled away from him, his arm slowly dropping back to his side. The eyes that stared back at yours had a question behind them, but you didn’t give him time to ask it.

“Jake,” your tone clipped and quiet. You didn’t want to break the ridiculous cover he’d mindlessly created. “Why the fuck did you lie like that?”

“I didn’t want her to come in here,” he cut back, his inflection reflecting the same hot energy as yours. “If she would’ve known we were both in here, she would have come looking. I don’t need that,” he insisted. “And neither do you. Especially with your tits on full fucking display like that.”

You glanced down, after he’d motioned momentarily at your chest. And, his words rang true when you realized your entire fucking nipple and areola was visible through the material. Even in the darkness of night, you could tell as much. Your arms flew up to snugly cover them, flinching at the way it felt like sharp needles were pressing into your chest momentarily.  

When you peered down to where you saw his hand moving, you realized he was palming himself through his pants. You felt yourself release, the slightest bit in your panties.

Your hands tightened closer to your chest, doing the opposite of what you wanted in that moment–you wanted to bring your shirt down over yourself and let him finish on your waiting ches–.

Suddenly the pressure against you was too much and your arms were falling from their place across your breasts. Thus, standing there, on full display. Right fucking there for stupid ass Maya to walk in at any moment. 

Honestly, you were the stupid ass. And it seemed like Jake was, too. 

Maya was the innocent one in all of this.

“Go wait in your room for me,” he whispered heatedly, his words piercing your heart at the anxious energy floating through your veins. “I’ll clean this up. And then I’ll be—.”

“But–,” you brought your arms up to your chest again, covering yourself. It was a brainless move to flash your chest like that. You didn’t want to tempt him in any way. “This is my mess just–.”

“Y/n,” he all but spit in your direction with the harshness in his whisper. “I don’t want you falling and hurting yourself on the water or glass. Please.”

Good point. 

So, you decided you’d do as you were told, though not without the last word.

“Fine,” you practically growled, stepping over water, his hand reaching out to you, trying to balance over a puddle pooled at your feet. You grabbed his hand, one arm covered your heaving chest, as you made your way over the mess, and finished your thought. “But don’t come to my room. Go back to bed. I don’t want Maya to–.”

“I don’t care right now–,” he cut you off, but you didn’t let him continue before interjecting. 

“You will in the morning, Jacob,” you bit back, making fiery eye contact, crossing your arms. The hiss you released at the feeling of both arms covering yourself again was embarrassing. So, you tried to play it off. “You will. Just don’t make the mistake of coming to see me ton–.”

“It wouldn’t be a mist–.”

“Jake. Yes it would,” you insisted with a tense whisper, taking one step towards him, not taking your eyes from his once. “I’m not going to have you ruin what you have with her just to make a fucking mistake with me.”

Throughout the span of that small conversation, you saw his eyes go through every possible wave of emotion. His beautiful, deep set eyes had started wide with excitement, to now being filled with white hot frustration. He was mad. 

The last emotion made its way straight to the pit of your tummy and to your panties as you felt them draw even wetter. Damn. You’d take any sex with Jake right now, but angry sex? Dammit if that didn’t get you–. 

No, y/n. Stop it.

“Do you not want this? Why were you—just minutes ago if you don’t–?”

“I never said I didn’t want it.” You flat-out said, without a second thought. Why even lie when you’d just exposed yourself with whatever you’d just done with him? To him?

The two of you stood there, watching each other with flushed cheeks, hot breaths, and equally heaving chests. 

God, you would not be able to hold onto your momentary flash of integrity if you didn’t finish your thought and leave him. 

“We just can’t do it. It wouldn’t be right,” you sniffed. Shit. Your throat was tightening, eyes collecting tears. “I don’t want to be the reason you leave a woman–the woman you love,” you choked, foolishly, on the emotion that quickly made its way from your throat to your eyes. “I just want you to be happy.”

His own expression matched yours, his eyes pooled with tears of dejection. There were once more a couple moments, filled with silence.

Silence, aside from your deep breathing, and wrought with an energy you couldn’t place. You had to get away from him.

“Just go to bed. I won’t fucking bother you,” he said, swallowing thickly. He then spoke your words from earlier. “And let me clean this up.”

Again, you sniffled, but nodded, looking down, to cover it with a barely there 'goodnight'.

He didn’t say anything else, just went about his business in the kitchen to put things back together, turning his back on you altogether.

Suffice to say, you cried for a good chunk of time as you laid in bed, after changing into a big t-shirt.

Cried big, fat, somber tears.

The crying had even lasted long enough, keeping you up to hear the bed creak much more than necessary when Jake got back to his bedroom. . . The sound of soft, pleasured moans from both of them, accompanying the groans of the bed as they moved on top of it.

Lucky fucking you. 

The bed that used to be yours when that room was yours. . . The acts being made against it that made you want to punch something - someone. Someone with long, black hair and a too-sweet expression.

Like a child, you growled and used a spare pillow to cover your ears until you couldn’t hear anything through the plush filling of the pillow.

You also tried to distract yourself with TikToks, but you couldn’t focus on your feed filled with BabyTok. It just made you sad and wistful as you thought of your day of book shopping with Jake. . .

About 30 minutes later, you figured the coast was clear. It had occurred to you after lying there, doing aimless shit, that you were still very thirsty. . . your tongue felt like cardboard in your mouth. 

When you opened the door to go to the kitchen, though, you found a tumbler that didn’t belong to you, waiting for you. And when you picked it up, you realized exactly who it belonged to. . . the words told you as much. 

Merry Christmas, Jacob Thomas! 

Love you, 

Mom 

The Cricut-vinyl lettering was placed carefully across the front of the black off-brand Yeti. What you found when you looked through the clear lid was a cup full of water. Iced water.

The crying that ensued as you closed the door and placed the cup on your nightstand was no surprise to you. The sweet action made your heart thrum with unbridled admiration for him. 

You hated how things were now. . . how simply interacting with him the way you had was a mistake. When you compared it to the way things had been before the fateful day in the kitchen, it made your stomach sink and your eyes well with more tears. 

Then there had been what you’d heard through the walls. . . it made you want to fucking vomit. But. . .you’d brought it on yourself. No question about it. 

Aaand, more of the damn tears. . .

After taking a few healthy swigs from the cup, you felt sleep find you without warning. Your eyes were beginning to close on their own.

And, as you faded into a well-earned sleep, the only solace you found that night was the smooth bump of your tummy, which your hands held protectively–longingly–as you wandered to sleep.

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: hmmmmm what do you think will follow that night in the kitchen?????

Change the World from Friendsgiving :)

ty for being the best readers in the world and pleaseee never hesitate to send in your wonderful thoughts! love youuuu &lt;3

& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh. and if i somehow forgot to tag someone, please also let me know that! (i'm a NOOB and i have terrible memory)

Taglist:

@joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @fretaganvleet, @lallisonl, @writingcold, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @jessicafg03, @reesetrippingthelight, @sacredjake, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @gretavangroove, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @way-to-go-lad, @jakekiszkasmommy, @katgvf, @objectsinspvce, @jaketlover, @vanfleeter, @thetroublegetssoloud71, @seditabets, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlove, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend

@aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @sacredtheslay, @alienobsever, @hollyco, @age0fwagner, @raceb14, @stardustcatcher, @styles-canvas, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf

@torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98, @mackalah, @lek-gvf, @carlyfleet, @profitofthedune, @mefiorini, @welllauragvf, @highway-tuna, @dont-go-home-without-me, @sarah-gvf01, @polemicandcontent, @ageofbajabule, @texas-bbq-pringles

(i think i figured out the tags limit! woooohoooo!! boo, tumblr. you're not getting me down today lmao)

#jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka fanfic #jake fic #my fics #covet #i am so DAMN excited for what's coming

[roo-bastmoon]

The Long Game

First, let's acknowledge some major mismanagement by BigHit. Then, let's talk about what I think *might possibly* be their long game.

These are just guesses I have right now--I'm not stating facts and my opinions are subject to change as new info becomes available. But come with me for a few minutes...

In early 2022, Jimin's mail was "omitted" four times by BigHit employees, which lead to late insurance premium payments, which led to an on-paper "seizure" of his apartment. The press sat on that news for three months until the day his With You OST dropped and the scandal overshadowed his release. Jimin went to ground, avoided all social media for months. At this time, Jimin's personal information was leaked on the internet, and that was the last time we saw Jikook hang out alone that we know of.

Now in 2023, since Jimin's album FACE dropped, we already know about the sabotaged sales and streams by Hanteo, Billboard, YouTube, and Spotify. There was the issue with his in-ears not working properly during an encore. On top of all that drama, BigHit didn't get all the physicals shipped in time, they didn't playlist his songs for several days, they never sent his songs to radio (that we can see), they made one tweet to acknowledge Jimin's #1 on Hot100 but nothing else--not even a cake like the other solo albums got, they didn't let him film more than two music videos when they did that for their new groups, the press releases about their stocks going up after Hot100 also credited their new groups, and Jimin only had 9 days of uninterrupted promo between other members' works.

Now I am not a conspiracy theorist. I well understand that the military enlistment compressed schedules, and that each member had say in their creative works and promotions. I'm not a manti. But none of the above is a good look. Add up all those fumbles together, and you could make a solid case for mismanagement.

And now today, we see PD Bang on the cover of Billboard (which, OF COURSE, mentioned Blackpink in the same breath).

JUST LOOK AT THE WAY THE STORY IS BEING SHAPED FOR AMERICAN READERS. You see what's happening here? You think SM is gonna get a cover story for their side of the corporate shakedown?

And then there's this little gem:

"If your question is about the possibility of creating an artist like BTS again, the answer is no. However, if you were to ask whether there would be a K-pop artist from HYBE that tops the Billboard Hot 100 chart, my answer would be yes. [Jimin became the first BTS member to achieve this as a solo act on April 3 when his single “Like Crazy” debuted at No. 1.] The experience of managing BTS and operating different labels gave us access to powerful networks, infrastructures and experiences. With these, HYBE can repeat its remarkable results with the help of talented artists.

Okay so before everyone starts rioting online, take a moment, pause, reflect, think about what all might be going on here, behind the scenes, in this very political world of the music business.

Do I think Bang PD screwed Jimin over to score points with Billboard? No, I do not. But neither do I think Jimin's solo effort is anyone's priority but Jimin's.

"HYBE is primarily focusing on leveraging its accumulated expertise in managing and producing acts that consist of multiple members, rather than solo artists or mixed-gender groups in K-pop."

I think no one ever expected Jimin to make it to #1 on Hot100 and industry insiders felt pretty sure the West wouldn't let him stay in the top 10 the next week. Why? Well, partially racism. But mostly it's bad for their bottom line.

If your entire business model is that people pay for radio play and that gets them on your private chart and the private chart leads to more advertisers and awards... and then someone comes along and DOESN'T pay to play and gets to the top of your chart? Nobody needs you. So you HAVE to sabotage them. You absolutely have to change your rules. (I'm just sitting here waiting for Jimin to release his other songs so that Billboard can change their rules to say you can't be on Hot100 if your name starts with J- and ends with -imin.)

Now, it might have been satisfying for us as fans to see BigHit come out swinging and put Billboard on blast for his sake and ours. But they have ZERO. LEGAL. RECOURSE.

Billboard is privately owned and they can make whatever rules they want. They are part of a larger media company that has connections to every media outlet; no one is gonna publish an exposé any time soon, I promise you. We got exactly ONE English-speaking website to write about it and that was it. Everyone in the industry knows what is going on, and no one has the power to do anything much about it.

So what does that mean for the future?

Well... Bang PD just recently paid a HUGE mark up of $26 million to buy Trevor Noah's home out in LA.

And now he's on the cover of Billboard. WHY? Neither of these things will result in any immediate payout for him.

It's a long game.

And frankly, a very old and honored way of doing business. It's how they went up against the big three and it's how they are gonna go up against the West, I feel it in my gut.

Bang PD is getting a home on US soil. He will be paying US taxes. He's making in-roads by being nice with Billboard folks. He's making contacts; he's already had phone calls with Pharrell and Bieber and Grande and Laroi. Some of those are already shaping into collabs. We already know Hybe has set up shop in the US with Scooter at the helm.

Meanwhile, BigHit is adjusting in real time to the new rules around the charts (culling is happening to Yoongi too, so they changed up the check-out process of the BTS US Store). Suddenly there's plenty of focus on promoting via TikTok and other viral social media. They are dipping their toe into AI. They are discussing their own in-house ticketing option. This company is looking toward the future and hedging its bets.

Do I know with any certainty what's up their sleeve?

Absolutely not.

Do I trust any corporation very much?

Nope.

Do I have faith in BTS?

Probably more than anything else in my life, at this point.

So while I have no insider info, I just feel like the company is making very intentional and methodic footholds into the West. They are not complaining or screaming or suing or threatening anyone. They are not badmouthing competitors or whining about unfair deals. They are laying ground on complicated, political in-roads, one step at a time.

The Expo is in 2030. I'd wager by that time, BTS will have conquered the West and have some radio play.

And I think the company believes that in order to do that, they have to make their new groups profitable while BTS serves. They have to survive for the next two years.

When BTS is back, and their dues have been paid, I think they will be unstoppable. I hope they get to work on solo projects AND group projects. I think they will take over every corner of the world, if managed properly.

They just need to do it in a way that also assuages the Western music industry. The American Powers That Be have a chokehold on music and they will demand their pound of flesh somehow.

I strongly suspect BTS will never pay to play. But they will build relationships and find a way to become so interwoven in the cultural fabric that to deny them a place in Western spaces is to be left behind. And they will do it politely, and gently, and come out smelling like a rose.

So before you go off on social media and scream the walls down about neglect (and there WAS some, in my opinion) and abuse (we don't really know that), just take a moment to consider--if they had no legal recourse against Billboard, how can they beat them at their own game?

The best way to defeat an enemy is to make them a friend.

I'm just guessing here, but I think if fans stay loyal, BTS just might have the last laugh, here. I think they got radio scared as hell.

It sucks that Jimin didn't get fair treatment at this time. He is my bias and I feel it like a knife to my own heart. But he DID make history with his #1 and they can never take it away.

So I say give it time. All the people sniggering at him and BTS right now are going to sing a different tune in the future.

My best guess is that this is a long game, and it will require sacrifices that are totally unfair, but in the end... well, as long as BTS has ARMY, they cannot be denied.

Apobangpo.

#jimin #bts

[hanleiacelebration]

Han/Leia Appreciation Week 2023

Han/Leia Appreciation Week is an event originally hosted at @han-leia-solo between 2016-2019. Last year, and with their permission, we decided to host it at @hanleiacelebration!

Since Beth Revis' "The Princess and the Scoundrel" was released on August 16th, 2022, we thought it'd be fun to mark the date as the anniversary of Han and Leia's wedding 🥰 And since this year is also the 40th anniversary of "Return of the Jedi", you'll see prompts related to both of those things!

💗 How does the Han/Leia Appreciation Week work?

The event will run from August 13th to August 19th, and there will be two different prompts each day that creators can fulfill with: fanfic, fanart, gifsets, graphics, fanvids, headcanons, crafts, playlists, rec lists. You’re encouraged to tag your posts with #hanleiaweek2023 so we can reblog them! After the week is over, we'll also share a masterlist with links to the works.

You can show your appreciation in many ways; however, please keep in mind that it has to be a creation of yours of some sort, e.g. don’t repost other people’s fanart, gifs, or unedited pictures. Rec lists should include a link to the original source both for fanfic and fanart (more on this after the cut).

💫 The prompts

Sunday 8/13: Anniversary / Memory

Monday 8/14: Endor / Reunion

Tuesday 8/15: Rescue / Vision

Wednesday 8/16: Favourite scene / Quote

Thursday 8/17: Battle couple / Millennium Falcon

Friday 8/18: AU / Canon divergence

Saturday 8/19: Free day!

You can use only one of the daily prompts, combine both, reinterpret them, or skip the day if you can’t think of anything. If you’re not able to post on the same day for a prompt, you’re still encouraged to share it through the week—just don’t post works for a certain prompt before the day corresponding to that prompt.

💠 💠 💠

FAQs and Rules under the cut - please read!

💗 Can I post my work to another site and share the link on Tumblr?

Yes! This is a good option for people who might want to create explicit art that could be taken down on Tumblr, write a long fic or multichapter, or make videos or playlists.

💗 Does it have to be a new creation? Can I finish and post a WIP?

It has to be something that has never been posted anywhere else before, so finishing and sharing a WIP is okay! If it doesn’t fit any of the prompts, you can share it on Free Day.

💗 Is this event open to all ratings?

Yes! Just remember to use a “Read more” cut if you’re posting the whole work on Tumblr, and to add a note at the top if your work is rated Mature or Explicit, as well as if it has any major trigger warnings, so all folks can safely browse through the entries.

💗 Are there any length or quality requirements?

There’s no min. or max. length for fanfic or quality level for art, but please note that AI-generated works won't be accepted. For gifsets, there’s a minimum of two gifs (that must be made by you!). For playlists, there’s a minimum of five songs. For rec lists of fic or fanart, there’s also a minimum of five recs. Some more questions you might have about rec lists:

- How do I share someone else's art without posting a picture? You might post a thumbnail that crops a preview of the piece; if the piece has a title, you might use that; you might describe it; or you might say something like “this piece by [artist]”, and link to the source.

- What if I found a fanart on Google? Try to find the original source using reverse search image.

- What if I can’t still find it, can I just say “credit to the artist”? In that case, please just don’t share the piece.

- What if I know the artist but don’t have a link to the original source? Naming the artist and linking back to where you found it is okay, in that case.

💗 Is the event based on "The Princess and the Scoundrel"?

Not really! That's just an excuse to celebrate Han/Leia 😊 You don’t need to include or acknowledge it in any way in your creations, although you’re welcome to.

💗 Can I write for canon/Legends and include other pairings?

All canons, time periods, headcanons and AUs are welcome, and you're allowed to include side pairings, except for R*eylo. However, keep in mind that this is a Han/Leia appreciation week - at the risk of sounding repetitive, works should focus on appreciating Han and Leia's relationship!

💗 What's the time zone for the event?

Please don't worry too much about time zones: when we say "day", we always mean "whenever that day is for you in your part of the world". IE: if it's Monday for you, you can post your work for the Monday prompt.

💠 💠 💠

Do you have any other questions? Don’t hesitate to send us an ask or to message one of the mods: @lajulie24 @hanorganaas and @otterandterrier

We can’t wait to see what you all create!

#hanleia #hanleiaweek2023 #han x leia #han solo #leia organa #star wars events #swfandomevents #swedit #swcreators #mod post

[deliwrites]

𝕐𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖? // Dream

// DATE // 24th of October 2022 // PAIRING // Dreamwastaken x Non-American!Reader (Though you could still read it as an American some things just won't make sense) // WARNING // Angsty(not really I don't think? mostly just indifferent behavior I guess) // WORDS // 3,6k // SUMMARY // Dream ghosted you after the facetime situation. You finally move to Florida to move in with your friends and suddenly he's interested in you again. (It was going to be a part with smut, but I have decided to divide this one. (So be on the lookout for a part 3 that holds more smut) and yes I did go out of my way to pick out furniture, sorry not sorry xD) // SERIES // Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

// MASTERLIST // ANONLIST //

It had been a few weeks since my endeavour with Dream. I was expecting more contact with him from that moment. Sadly, that wasn't the case. Instead, I was being ghosted by him.

I tried to not let it bother me, but it really did. 'God, why did I have to be such a slut,' I thought to myself. Insulting myself for making such a stupid decision. 'Of course, this is how it would end.'

"Y/n! Oh, I'm so happy to see you!" arms were thrown around me the moment I stepped into the arrivals area. The two of us almost falling over from the force as what breaks me out of my train of thought. "Juny!" giggling I drop my suitcases. Wrapping my arms tightly around the taller girl. Her black hair up in a messy bun. I could tell she hadn't slept all night. "I'm so happy to be here! Oh!" when she finally let go of me, she giggled giddily.

"Okay, let's go! Charlee and Emmy are already waiting at home. I hope you're hungry. They're going to make you dinner," Juny took one of my bigger suitcases. Leaving me with a big and small suitcase. Did I have a lot of stuff? Yes. Was I ashamed? No. I am quick to follow her as she leads the way.

I had never been to America, so walking around the Orlando airport was a whole new experience. Which also meant I had not fucking idea where to go. Having Juny as my guide was very helpful.

Once in the car I decided to start streaming. I hadn't told anyone yet that I moved. The only info I shared was that I wouldn't be streaming or uploading videos for a bit, which was a week ago. Right after I made that announcement is when my pc and entire setup was being safely shipped to the US.

When I say I hadn't told anyone, I meant anyone. The only people who knew were the girls and my family. And with Dream ghosting me, I was definetly not telling him.

"Hello, hello, Streamies!" I called out at my phone the moment I saw viewers come in and start talking in the chat. "How are you all? I missed you guys so much!" I pause to read the chat a little bit. Messages skimming by. "Yes I am in a car," I giggle at the comment. "No, I'm not driving, I promise, I wouldn't stream and drive. Anyways, I am so glad most of you guys are doing okay," I smile brightly at the screen. "Juny, would you like to tell the very curious viewers where we are?" I ask her, moving my phone so the both of us are in view. I watch the chat as people are already guessing I'm in the US.

"Y/n, finally moved to US! The girl squad is finally complete!" Juny cheers. We both scream in excitement.

"Yes, I did! I am so excited! I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys," I sent them an apologetic pout. "But, now that I'm here. There are so many more things we can do! If you guys are up for it, I could bring you guys with me to go furniture shopping!" I turn to Juny when a question pops in my head. "Does Orlando have an ikea?"

"It does, you wanna do an ikea video?" she asks. While she answers a ping is heard from my phone. A message popping up.

Dream 💔 You're in Florida?

'Oh, so now he messages. Right,' rolling my eyes I ignore the message. 'Guess who's getting ghosted now.'

The rest of the drive I keep talking to chat, having song breaks with Juny. We were smart enough to get a nice playlist that is copyright free and put that on.

"Thank you guys so much for joining me today! We are almost home," I let out a content sigh. "God, I love saying that. But! I will see you guys soon! Enjoy your day, evening, afternoon! Bye bye!" I end the stream just as we enter our neighbourhood.

Before we even reach the house I can see Charlee and Emmy outside. They jump with excitement when they see the car driving up. Juny parks the car swiftly in the drive way. I jump out of the car, squealing as I run up to my favourite girls. They meet me halfway. Both squealing just as much.

"Oh, my god, I can't believe you're finally here!" Charlee squeezes me tightly in her hold. She might be smoll, but she is strong as hell.

"Same! It's gonna be some getting used to, but I'm so happy!"

"Let's go inside, the food is gonna get cold if we wait any longer," Emmy chuckles.

"I told you guys about what happened with Dream, right?" I started an unexpected conversation. I had been trying to forget about it all. But the sudden message from him wouldn't leave my mind. The four of us were in the living room. Not really up to doing anything big today. So we just put on some background music. All of us doing our own thing. Charlee was reading, Emmy was doing a small bit of editing on her MacBook and Juny was scrolling through TikTok. The sounds of the clips being soft enough to not bother anyone.

"Yeah," Charlee is the one that answers.

"I didn't tell you all," I sigh, putting aside my notebook where I had been writing video ideas. "After the faceTime situation, he uhm," I sigh. "He ghosted me."

"Excuse me?" Juny's voice filled with disgust. "No, did he actually?"

"Yeah, I messaged him a few times but he never replied," I told them. "He left me on read every time. I feel so stupid."

"No, don't say that!" Emmy scoots over to me. Pulling me in for a hug.

“The thing is. I streamed in the car ride here, right?” The three nod. “He messaged me during it. Asking if I was in Florida.”

“So he decides to completely ignore you for weeks and then message you when he finds out you’re here?” Charlee questions. A look of pure confusion on her face.

“Yeah, like I don’t understand him,” I admit. “I genuinely thought we might be going somewhere relationship-wise. And then he pulls this shit.”

“In my opinion, you should ignore him. Just like he did you,” Juny says. She would always watch my back. Right now I knew she didn’t want me to get hurt - more - by this guy. For now, I decided to listen to Juny.

The next day the squad went to IKEA. I was surprised I wasn't that jetlagged. Maybe it was the fact that I went to bed at a normal time here. I had been awake for 22 hours straight. Sure, I've done worse. But I needed to change my sleeping schedule and fast. I didn't want to be jetlagged forever.

"Should I stream or make a video out of it?" I asked once were all parked in the parking garage. We had gone in three cars. I know it sounds like a bit much, be we didn't have big cars. And seeing as I need an entire bed and closet, it seemed like the best option. We probably would have gone with four but I don't have a car here yet.

"I think you should make it a video," Emmy answers. "Just in case, and you can do little polls on Twitter. Like 'Which bed do I pick, left or right?' and add pictures of the beds you like."

"Oh, that is such a good, idea! Yes, let's do that," I cling to her as the four of us enter the surprisingly quiet IKEA. I sent out a tweet as a warning.

I'm in the IKEA right now. I want your guy's help picking out furniture. So, be on the lookout for polls!

"Do we want to get some lunch first, or after?" Juny asks when we get inside.

"I think in between," Charlee suggests. "We first go into the showrooms to pick out furniture that we need to write down. Then eat lunch before we head downstairs for any other kind of decoration and pick up what we have picked out," we all agree with that and head into the showrooms.

"Come here, guys!" Charlee calls out to us from one of the showrooms. Coming over I find her in a little hallway in front of a mirror. "Group pic?" she asks when all of us are there.

Taking the picture I put it on my private Snapchat story. Of course, Dream is quick to send me a message on there now.

"Are you serious," I mumble.

"What?" Emmy asks, being the only one that heard me. Charlee and Juny currently looking at living room inspiration. Not that we needed anything new for the living room, but it's always nice to look.

"Dream, messaged me," I tell her.

DREAM 💔 That's crazy! George, Sapnap and I are here too!

"Okay, quick question. I know you're ignoring him like he ignored you. But what if you heard him out. Maybe he has a good reason. He's here, so, would you want that?" Emmy is careful with her words. Trying to see how I stood in the situation.

"I guess I would like to know why," I admit quietly. "But who says he's not just going to ignore me again?"

"You'll never know the answer for sure, but do you think it's worth a shot?" I think about it for a moment before turning my eyes back to my phone. Emmy reads over my shoulder as I type.

ME Really? Where are you guys now? DREAM 💔 We are at the end of Work space ME Oh, we are just about to enter the living room storage area DREAM 💔 We can wait for you guys if you would like? We can continue together. ME I'll have to ask the girls, we do plan on having lunch once we are done with this floor. DREAM 💔 That's fine, go ask them. We'll wait for now.

"Guys! We're meeting up with the Dream team!" I announce to the other two girls.

"What!" Juny sounds disappointed. "I thought we were ignoring him1"

"I know, but I want answers," I grab her hands, looking into her eyes. I give her a pout.

"Okay, fine," she mock rolls her eyes, making me giggle. We finish looking around, after waiting on a pol answer. I posted a poll asking if I should buy a cup or not. I really loved the STRIMMIG mug, so why not ask the fans if I should get it. The answer was a fat yes, with 92% win.

When we walk into the workspace section, I already notice the dream team in the corner of my eye. They were talking together, sitting at a displayed desk.

"I'm gonna do another poll," I say out loud to no one in particular. Taking out my phone, I continue walking down the path. Putting in another pol. "None of these desks seem big enough, should I go for a dining table desk instead," I mumble along as I type it out.

"Not big enough?" I recognize the voice immediately. A little startled, I jump. Looking up I catch Dreams grin. He, along with Sapnap and George chuckle at my reaction.

"God, you startled me," I chuckle awkwardly.

"Sorry, how are you?" Dream asks. I couldn't help it but really bothered me that he acted like nothing was wrong.

"I'm good, what about you?" I ask, stepping closer, I offer a hug as a greeting. He accepts, wrapping his arms around my shoulders as I hug his middle. He really is tall. I hate that it has an affect on me.

"I'm great, George just needs a few things for his room," he answers when we pull away. I decide to greet Sapnap and George the same way, giving them a hug as well. Then the girls walk up, greeting the three guys as well. Hugs are exchanged. Juny pulls me to her, almost like she's keeping me away from Dream.

"But does that mean, we're continuing together?" Sapnap asks.

"Yeah," the four of us answer in sync.

We continue down the showrooms, taking notice of a lot of things. Writing them down on the paper with of course the tiny IKEA pencil. Juny stays with me the entire time, arms hooked together. I appreciated it, but I also wanted to talk to Dream. I noticed him wanting to talk to me as well but we didn't get the time.

Even when we were having lunch we couldn't talk. Whenever we would try friends of either person pulled us into a different conversation. What that did do tho, was give me hope. He wanted to talk to me. That must mean something right?

Gathering all the stuff was chaos. We were running around the storage area. Everyone was laughing, camera's out for footage. At one point I was standing on one of the carts. Dream pushing me forwards and fast. He ran into a random aisle. One we didn't need to be in. And we were able to hide from the others for just a minute.

"Hi," I whisper. We sat under the shelves in an empty spot.

"Hey," he whispers back with a grin. I wasn't really sure what to say. I ended up just staring at him for a while. He was still as beautiful as I thought he was when I first saw him on FaceTime. Even more so if I was honest. It was so strange to me to see him in real life. Maybe one day I would have gotten the opportunity to meet him, but I wasn't expecting it to be today.

"Is it just me, or is it weird to see you in real life?" I end up mumbling, full of uncertainty. I wasn't sure if admitting that was a good idea. To my surprise, he chuckles, nodding his head.

"It is, but I'm glad I'm able to meet you," I'm about to make a comment when Emmy runs up our aisle.

"There you two are! We've got everything. Ready to go?" she asks quickly, a little awkward look on her face. She didn't realize the two of us were together until she reached us.

"Yeah, let's go," for now I guess we would have to leave our conversation at that. Maybe having a talk about it here wouldn't be a good plan anyway.

After paying we gathered our cars. I stayed with the multiple carts along with George, he only had to buy a desk and a few accessories. I ended up with a IDANÄS bed, two VITTSJÖ tables for at my bedside, a LINDBYN as a mirror by a small VITTSJÖ laptop table and a CHILISTRÅN cause I want me some cute plants, along with a few more plant pots, including plants. Seeing as I do have clothes, I also got a PAX / FARDAL with more than enough room for everything I own and new things to add. I got a BRUNSTA for the main light, seeing that I am a hoe for music, I got a black SYMFONISK speaker lamp which made me very poor. But Dream gifted me the duvet, along with pillows and a cute set of covers.

"How has your time in America been?" I ask George. He had been a while longer than I had. So obviously I was curious.

"Quite good actually. It's a big change, but so worth it," his answer made me smile. The look in his eyes really showed that he loved being able to live with his friends. "This is your second day right?" I nod. "Let the girls take you to all of the junk food restaurants. They are so different, but I promise they are good," I chuckle at the orgasm-like face he pulls at just the thought of food.

"Alright, I will," just then 5 cars pull up. We take up almost the entire space for loading in. We helped each other place everything in the cars but there was a problem. With all the stuff that I had, my seat in the car was taken.

"What do we do? We don't have space for another person besides the driver," Charlee voiced the obvious.

"Look, I don't mind waiting," we had the conversation while the guys were packing the desk into Dreams car. The desk being too big for Sapnaps car.

"We can't just leave you here!" Juny spoke loudly, catching the attention of the guys.

"What's wrong?" Sapnap asks.

"I can't go with them, the cars are too full," I tell them. "I'm willing to stay and wait for one of them to return-"

"But we are not going to do that," Charlee said sternly.

"My car has space, I can bring you home," Dream immediately offers.

"No, we'll figure something out," Judy says, pulling me closer to her.

"Look, I know what you're trying to do," I whisper to her. "But this is our only option right now," her face scrunches up in frustration.

"Fine."

"Are you sure it's okay?" I ask Dream.

"Of course!" He replies immediately. "We can't just leave you here stranded."

"Alright, then let's go," I am quick to say. Not wanting anyone to change their mind. "Message me the address, 'cause I don't know it from the top of my head yet," I tell Emmy who nods. Everyone gets into their cars. Dream surprisingly opens the door for me and lets me step inside. "Thank you," thanking him with a bright smile. He smiles back before going to the driver's side.

"Are you okay with us first bringing the desk to my place?" He asks once he's settled in.

"Oh, sure, that's fine by me," I tell him as I watch the others drive off. He puts on some music and starts driving. We were the last to leave, I couldn't see any of my friends' cars anymore.

I didn't realize my leg was bouncing until we reached the highway. I only realized when Dream's hand landed on my thigh. The bouncing almost immediately stopped. I didn't necessarily mind the hand, in fact, it was bringing me comfort - somehow.

His voice breaks my trance though I don't catch what he said. I look at him, releasing a 'huh?'. A smile grows on his lips as he repeats his question.

"How was your flight?"

"Oh, right, uhm. Uneventful really," I tell him honestly. "It was a long flight, didn't have money for first class. So I was stuffed with other people. I don't really mind. I did have the window seat, but having to get up to pee was the worst. Especially when the guys next to me were asleep. But I managed," Dream didn't seem to mind my rambling, but when I mentioned that I was sat next to guys. His grip on my thigh seemed to tighten just a little. Just enough for me to notice. "Other than that, they were really nice to me. They even helped me put my small suitcase in the top compartment and back out," I tested my thoughts and again his grip tightened. This time he also seemed to grit his teeth. I slide my hand over to his. Placing my hand on his, my thumb stroking gently on the back of his hand. The grip on my thigh relaxed a little bit at the touch.

"I'm glad you arrived safe and well," he says. "I am kinda hurt you didn't tell me you were moving to Florida," at this, I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"And, I'm hurt you ghosted me after what happened," my voice is monotone. Shaking my leg to remove his hand. I fully turn away from him. Staring out the window, legs closed, leaning against the door. I sigh comes from him. I can't tell if it's a sigh of annoyance or something else. Not that I care at the moment.

"I'm sorry," he says, but I ignore him. Opening the window, I let the wind blow in. The weather was nice and warm today. I prove my ignorance more by deciding to put the volume higher. Singing along loudly with the songs to pass the time.

He decides to stay quiet for the rest of the ride. Probably realises he deserves the treatment I'm giving him. Finally, we reach the Dream Team house. One I recognize from George's video. There we find Sapnap and George waiting in the driveway. They probably arrived just a few minutes ago. My plan was to stay in the car, but Sapnap opens the door on my side. Dream and George carrying in the desk.

"Come on, let's give you a tour!" His excitement has me complying. I get out of the car, following him into the house. I had to admit that the house was gorgeous. I recognized Dreams studio from the time we had that FaceTime call. At last, he showed me Dreams bedroom. "And last but not least, Dream's bedroom," he opened the door, allowing me to walk inside first. His room was surprisingly normal. Plain black hardwood bed. Covered in sacramento-coloured sheets. Black hardwood nightstands on either side. Simple matching lamps on each.

Before I could admire the room any further, the door slammed shut behind me. Startled I turn around.

"Sapnap! What-"

"You and Dream, have to talk," is all he says through the door.

Now what.

// MASTERLIST // ANONLIST //

// SERIES // Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

#dreamsmp x y/n #dream team #dreamsmp x you #dreamsmp x reader #dream smp #dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken x y/n #dreamwastaken x you #dreamwastaken smut #dream x you #dream x y/n #dream x reader #cc!dream x reader #cc!dream #dsmp fanfic

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Bpp how have you been handling chapter2? Do you get bored or lose interest in Bts in hiatus? Do the solo rollouts not bother you? Please be honest I really want to know you true opinion.

***

Hi Anon,

Chapter 2 has been rough for you, hasn’t it? At least, based on your ask it sounds like it’s been. Tangentially, did you enjoy yourself this past weekend?

I’ve said this before, but if you ever feel like it’s a chore to remain plugged into BTS or stan culture, please step back. Don’t feel guilty about detaching if you no longer find joy in it. Move on to another hobby or another group if that’s where you’re at. BTS has fans, don’t worry. Don’t feel any obligation to stick around if Chapter 2 isn’t serving you what you want. You can check back in 2026 when the guys are together, or move beyond them completely.

That said, personally, I wonder how you can even ask me this question. Like, what else has Chapter 2 been but a trip? Lollapalooza, Balming Tiger collab, World Cup, Jungkook’s birthday video for Jimin, Indigo collabs, Set Me Free Pt 2, Promise on Spotify, On The Street, D-DAY tour, Yoonmin live, etc.

It’s been a blast. The music is easily some of the best globally this year and last. To illustrate:

...

The song I just listened to is Baseline by j-hope.

*

It's like a drug for me.

I don't think you understand.

I get high... off their music. Like, I don't know why you think two years of irregular releases without their full promotion of that music, will change my underlying sentiment. BTS scratches an itch few other artists can reach for me.

[ The sentiment? BTS is one of the best musicians of my generation. They make music that actually slaps. Any day of the week. Any genre they touch. It's prime good music. ]

Let me walk you through my playlist for the last half hour:

J-hope - Baseline

Baseline is the sauciest hiphop joint out of Korea, ever. J-hope is undeniably one of the most skilled and versatile rappers out of Asia. Point. Blank. Period.

RM, Tablo - All Day

RM's vocals in All Day render me a stupid mess. He's sooooooo... he's kinda nasty. I mean, it's big, he's kinda messy with it, but he ultimately knows how to use it, and he knows you know that he knows. All of this I deduced from his articulation and delivery on All Day. Tablo too, that tease, matched Joon's energy seamlessly. No further comment.

*

RM, Mahalia, Benny Blanco - Closer

Namjoon created a masterpiece with Indigo. It's an atrocity that many people won't admit it. Really. Indigo is the album of 2022 (Hurt by NewJeans being the song of the year, and JITB at Lollapalooza 2022 by j-hope the concert experience of the year.) Closer is an impeccably produced song. I mean it's almost disgusting how smooth the production, arrangement, instrumentation, etc on that song is.

*

Jimin - Alone

The cold clarity in his lyrics. How raw and honest he is, in such a well produced track... people need to show this song more respect.

*

RM - Change Pt 2.

The only song that rivals how brilliant and badass this one is, is Set Me Free Pt 2 by Jimin.

*

Agust D - D-DAY

The entirety of D-DAY album still has me in a vice grip, but something about D-DAY the song, rips to the core. How he manages to slip something rock anthemic into the epic call to arms he made that song into... Yoongi is in a league of one.

And to drive home the point, listen to him on HUH?!

Agust D, j-hope - HUH?!

Still the best song on the album. Undeniably. I mean, if you don't black out when this song comes on are you even alive? /gen. No matter where I am, what I'm doing, I could be exiting my company's underground garage, loading laundry, whatever... no matter what I'm doing, when this song comes on I feel my brain short circuit. It's like a mental reset. I suddenly feel so alert and primed with tension I could kill a person if I felt like it. The grandmas scared about what rap does to teens... songs like HUH?!, really do flip a switch in people's heads. They're right to worry because that's what the genre, drill - the gritty, ominous, and violent contemporary expression of rap - that's what it's made to do. And Yoongi showed an effortless mastery of it in HUH?!

*

Agust D - tour medley

I hope people who weren't able to see Agust D in person, were at least able to see him in the livestreamed concerts. Many times since I saw him in California, I've come back to some fancams from his earliest days of the tour. This one by rogrog is a favourite. Yoongi is a master of his craft who loves to show off his virtuosity. And in his D-DAY tour, that's what he does.

*

j-hope, J. Cole - On The Street

Jung Hoseok just casually produced this timeless classic and dipped to the military. No fuss. No sweat. No excuses. He just did the thing, had J. Cole spit some of the sickest bars of his career on that song, then said, "see you later."

Things like this are why he's my bias.

He's a consummate professional.

*

Unpopular opinion, but I have no real issues with their solo roll-outs. I'm not unsatisfied with too much and frankly, I'm so greedy for new music I wouldn't mind another cluttered roll-out. I hope Joon's music follows soon after JK's because God knows I'm not sure I can stand the wait much longer. Joon makes a lot of 'BTS-style' music and so whatever he drops will serve as the perfect complement to Seven / JJK1. And Vmin will likely drop new music in the next year as well.

Chapter 2 has been kind of a blast.

That's my "true opinion", Anon.

#bts rapline #bts rapline bias #bts #yoongi #min yoongi #jung hoseok #jhope #namjoon #kim namjoon #jimin #park jimin #bts chapter 2 #kpop #kpop music #music

[ye-xiu]

AL'S DRAMA RECS VOL.1: these recs will solely focus on the writing of the shows, which to me comes down to two things: how well does the plot accomplish what it set out to do in the beginning? and how compelling are the characters written, no matter if their character arc means they become better or worse through the story or even remain who they are? my favourite dramas usually succeed in giving us a satisfying answer to both questions and these are the ones you will see on this list!

★★★★★ dramas (aka the greatest hits):

SECRET FOREST / STRANGER (2017-2021): the pinnacle of all dramas. follows the duo of no-nonsense prosecutor hwang si-mok (the acting star turn of he century by cho seung-woo) and police detective han yeo-jin (the ever-exceptional bae doo-na) investigating a murder case that blows open several scandals in the prosecution. season 2 follows several cases leading to an internal investigation on police bribery. it just does not get better than this and i fear it won't ever will. this drama has the understated styling of nordic noir, the classic shenanigans of an unlikely leading kdrama duo, and one of the tightest scripts ever seen in any tv show ever. | genre: thriller, melodrama, crime procedural

MY LIBERATION NOTES (2022): following the yeom family's three siblings living in the small town of sanpo on the outskirts of seoul, and the stranger moving into the house next door to theirs, this story navigates questions of sibling-hood and family, the purpose of life, as well as the sacrifices we make for the relationships in our life as well as our own happiness. this show earned its hype from the central love story between mr. gu and yeom mi-jeong (son seok-ku and kim ji-won acting the house down) but every one of the three main storylines is well-paced, gives the main actors moments to shine and grow, and ties neatly into the overarching plot to render you either moved or comforted, or even both. | genre: slice of life, melodrama

VINCENZO (2020): at this point are there still followers on this blog who haven't at least seen me talk about vincenzo? the writing of this show is maybe the peak of genre-blending done in kdrama, a culmination of years refining this skill to sharp perfection in a biting black comedy. vincenzo cassano (song joong-ki), consiglieri of a mafia clan he got adopted into, goes back to south korea to recover a frankly unholy amount of gold and fights a gigantic conglomerate (babel) to get there. if you watch past episode four, you will finish this drama, because everything ensuing from then on is just one iconic story beat after another. | genre: black comedy / satire, crime, romance

HOSPITAL PLAYLIST (2020-2022): a medical drama beyond reproach. this show is on this list for the way it wrote its characters and achieved the most satisfying character arcs in any kdrama, maybe, ever. a group of five friends in their fourties all working at the same hospital and navigating their professional and private lives, this drama doesn't shy away from eclectic backstories (and the leads all playing music together in a band) as well as truly heart-tearing moments of friendship and romance. never have i seen character growth done as well as i have seen it in the characters of yang seok-hyeong and kim-jun-wan. | genre: medical, slice of life, rom-com

D.P. / DESERTER PURSUIT (2021-2023): d.p. to me is a no-notes kind of show. it depicts the work of the military police pursuing army deserters through freshly enlisted ahn jun-ho (jung hae-in playing years below his age and leagues above many his actual age) who ends up empathizing and working to help and save the deserters he and his team partner han ho-yeol (an exceptional koo kyo-hwan) are meant to bring back to the army instead of incriminating them further. d.p. is much better for its tone, its writing and the risks it takes in its no-nonsense approach than some of the drivel revered solely for being more flashy and showy in this genre. | genre: military drama, action

★★★★☆ dramas (aka near-perfection):

PRISON PLAYBOOK (2017): the perfect prototype of the bromance as romance formula and one of the best found family dramas that really focuses on that. star baseball player kim je-hyuk (park hae-soo in his career-defining role) loses his career and lands in prison after he assaults the ex-boyfriend of his younger sister to protect her. the show centers on je-hyuk's time in prison, where he reunites with his childhood best-friend-now-prison-guard lee jun-ho (a supreme jung kyung-ho) and assimilates himself with the people he meets in his cell. this show hits all the beats so well from a stellar supporting cast to a great comeback kid narrative for je-hyuk from his time in prison to being released. glaring flaw: the age-gap / childhood friends romance, the conclusion of hanyang's story arc, who gets the short end of the stick while being the one out gay character in the show. | genre: black comedy, found family, slice of life

GOBLIN: THE LONELY AND GREAT GOD (2017): the defining kdrama for many. it may be the one drama that really delivers in answering its plot's defining question twice over and then some. goblin kim shin (gong yoo), cursed to immortality, gets his life upended once a grim reaper (lee dong-wook as wang yeo, a performance never to be seen or repeated again since) and the young woman (kim go-eun as ji eun-tak) who turns out to be his fated bride enter his life. an immortal man resigned on life finds purpose while knowing he will fatally die once the woman he falls in love with cures him of his curse. glaring flaw: the age gap romance between eun-tak and kim shin. could she have not been in college at least? | genre: melodrama, romance, fantasy

CRASH LANDING ON YOU (2019): the romance drama that could, and did. based on a real life incident, ceo yoon se-ri (son ye-jin, an acting veteran near beyond reproach imo) accidentally crash lands in north korea after a paragliding flight gone wrong. there she meets active duty soldier captain ri jeong-hyeok (hyun bin, thank you for your service) and has to stay with him and his military company. the fated love story starts there, but neither of them know they have met before, and already changed the courses of each other's lives before doing so again. minor flaw: is this drama romanticising the military? or is depicting of that on screen just that and nothing more? that is up to you to decide. | genre: melodrama, romance

HOMETOWN CHA CHA CHA (2021): the series remake of a korean rom-com film of the early aughts, this remains my favourite romance drama over all. dentist yoon hye-jin (shin min-a blessing our screens) moves to rural gongjin, a seaside village where nothing happens at all, after her professional life in seoul goes up in flames. it's not all sunshine in gongjin either as ye-jin meets hong du-sik (kim seon-ho),a handyman who is called chief hong by everyone and fixes all the big and small fires in the village. the two start as enemies that eventually fall in love. the romance is well-handled and paced and the second lead (lee sang-yi) is the best i have ever seen in a show, especially because of the arc written for him. minor flaw: the plot is not as tight as the respective character arcs, so sometimes sacrifices are made for the sake of a more emotional scenes. | genre: rom-com, slice of life

THE GLORY (2022): when you put the revenge in revenge drama, this is what you can get. song hye-ko returns to small screen brilliance in an incomparable performance as moon dong-eun, a woman who decides to infiltrate the lives of her school bullies and take them down one by one. this show delivers on plot even more than on characters, following through on every step of moon dong-eun's revenge without shying away from how gruesome or painful that path of vengeance can be. dong-eun gets help from plastic surgeon joo yeo-jeong (a delightful lee do-hyun), and the main cast is rounded out by lim ji-yeon and jung sung-il as dong-eun's grown up tormentor and her reluctant husband respectively. minor flaw: the show does spend a big chunk of its time on the group of school bullies and their interpersonal relations, which sometimes takes time away from the main plot. | genre: psychological thriller, revenge drama

♡ more specific genre watches (beware: usually crime):

LIFE (2018): written by the writers of secret forest, life is another thriller with understated direction and a more sombre tone. i would have put it in the greatest hits category, but watching it with other people made me realise how niche it actually is in genre. a corporate hospital thriller, the show revolves around the newly-minted ceo of sangkook university hospital, gu seung-hyo (a once again flawless cho seung-woo) and a dedicated ER doctor (lee dong-wook, stellar as ever) who depict the two sides of the patient care vs. profit conflict in the hospital. i can't even say more about the show because every other plot point is basically a spoiler. sharply directed and written, this is one of the best genre pieces i have ever watched, and is mildly reminiscent of hbo prestige television of the decade before. | genre: medical drama, corporate thriller

THE WORST OF EVIL (2023): are you even surprised? this was the drama of 2023 for me, one of the most stellar scripts i have seen. the worst of evil is very firmly a noir show and you have to treat what you are watching as such. it is heavily entrenched into its genre tropes and arcs, even more than most crime shows i have seen, and that can be off-putting for people unfamiliar with the genre, but if you are up for it, you will not be disappointed. opportune violent crime detective park jun-mo (ji chang wook, korea's finest new gen action actor) infiltrates a drug ring lead by jung gi-cheol ( fantastic and emotional tour de force by wi ha joon) and the lines begin to blur when neither of them knows if what they bargained for is actually what they want. the show lets its main plot dictate the pace, focusing on park jun-mo's descent into crime, and it is all the more better for it. | genre: noir, crime thriller, action

BEYOND EVIL (2020): the story about dejected and grieving small-town detective lee dong-sik (baeksang-awarded veteran actor shin ha-kyun) being partnered with elite detective and spinster seoulite han joo-won (child actor prodigy turned actor to watch du jour) has made its waves online for its very apparent gay subtext, but to reduce beyond evil to this would be a crime in itself. following lee dong-sik and han joo-won as they are tasked to solve a reoccurring serial killer case, the framing plot then fans open the age-old wound of dong-sik losing his twin sister and being blamed for her disappearance with joo-won having taken an obsessive fascination with the case. the two crime cases are exceptionally interwoven and the stories of the people in the small town of manyang, and how they all somehow tie back to dong-sik, is the perfect example of turning the small centrepiece of a plot into the binding force of every thread. | genre: procedural, psychological thriller

OUR BELOVED SUMMER (2021): i put this into the genre-piece category because obl is majorly focused on its main trope. romantic dramas can easily be trite to me, as this obvious list of crime shows doesn't tell you, but our beloved summer is one of the few that did everything right. it plays out the best trope ever done - exes to lovers - and does not back down from embracing the whole shebang to the nth degree. high school / college sweethearts choi woong (known beloved actor on ye-xiu tumblr dot com, choi woo-shik) and kook yeun-soo (the ever great kim da-mi) have to unite to replicate, or rather continue, the viral high school documentary they filmed years ago. the show shimmies its way from one moment of reconnection to another, culminating in the best kdrama kiss to ever be put to screen, and concludes in one of the most satisfying and, yes, romantic endings ever. the things a show can do when it just sticks to its main narrative, huh. | genre: rom-com, coming of age

#AHHHHHH HERE WE GO #i don't really know what to tag this ... #al's drama recs #drama recommendation #beware: i mainly watch crime / action and this is what is majorly featured on this list #i do want to make one for best acted shows too bc the list would ..... differ a lot juzghujiko #so if anybody is up for it just lmk (or i will subject my followers to it for the hell of it anyway)

[il-predestinato]

Let’s test your speed writing shall we? 😛

Hmm… my favourite number maybe? 38 🥺🧡

38. "Small Talk" by Katy Perry; pairing - lestappen (what a surprise!)

I just can't believe We went from strangers to lovers to strangers in a lifetime

So... Al, this one completely got away from me: it’s um... slightly longer than 5 sentences (2093 words apparently).

send me an ask with a number between 1 and 100 and I'll write a 5ish sentence fic inspired by that song on my 2022 wrapped playlist!

Title: One Day

Summary: The Monaco Grand Prix is cursed.

Day 37

Max always remembers. Charles always forgets.

Max remembers the address of Charles' apartment in Monte Carlo. (Charles told him on Day 5. Not too shabby, thought Max, for two people who were never friends and closer to enemies.) This time, he goes there first. The speech is well-rehearsed by now. It was a blabbering mess on Day 9, and Charles nearly tossed him off the balcony. (Day 10 was worse; Charles actually called Christian, fuck his life, and nearly called a sports psychologist before Max yeeted his phone off the balcony in desperation.) By Day 13, Max had a polished version of 'the speech'. By now, he could probably rhyme it off in his sleep. Not that it ever yielded any better results, so he abandoned this approach on Days 30 to 36. And that got him nowhere either. So back to square one.

He waits patiently for the five stages of grief to cycle past on speedrun; to give Charles some credit, despite the lack of memory retention, he did seem to get over it quicker and quicker each time. Perhaps something of each Day lingered, even if it wasn't remembrance per se.

"So it's always at Nouvelle Chicane or Le Portier?" questions Charles, hands rubbing at his temples.

Max nods, and then shakes his head. "At the Swimming Pool once," he amends. "On Day 12, I think... a crane fell on my head."

"Why was there even a crane?!" Charles groans, scandalized.

Max shrugs. He hasn't even told Charles about Day 31; a jewel thief literally ran across the race track and smashed a briefcase full of diamonds straight into Charles' helmet at 285 kph.

"So sometimes you die, and sometimes I die?" mumbles Charles with a frown.

"It doesn't matter who," confirms Max. "Then the Day restarts with my alarm going off at 7 am."

-

Day 38

"You've got to be kidding!"

Max is trying not to smile, but Charles looks absolutely petulant.

Charles glares at him. "I died at La Rascasse?" He throws both hands up in the air. "Like... how?! La Rascasse! At the hairpin?! I drive faster to the supermarket, mon dieu!"

"This time I think you took Lando with you -"

Panicked green eyes met his. "Oh, putain!" screeches Charles. "Did I kill Lando? Oh my God, oh my God. Max, please tell me I didn't -"

"Relax, mate." Max rubs both temples. Why is he always cursed to remember? "Everything resets. Lando will be fine."

"But are you sure?" insists Charles anxiously.

Max squeezes him gently on the shoulder. A little shiver runs up his arm, and he's not sure why. This wasn't exactly their first physical contact off the track. (Some Days he can remember more vividly than others; he's not quite ready to admit that the hug from Charles is the reason he remembers Day 9 more clearly than the 29 days that followed.)

"I promise," he says softly. "I got both George and Lance on Day 24, and they both came back just fine the next day."

-

Day 40

“Okay, what if we kill someone else first?”

Max is both impressed and mildly alarmed. It really didn’t take Charles all that long to make the leap from ‘wallow in despair about the unbreakable curse’ to ‘let’s move on to murder.’

“It won’t work.” He shakes his head. “Day 17. Toto and Helmut sort of decapitated each other mid-race, but the Day didn’t end until Carlos put me into the barrier.”

“Toto and Helmut did what?”

-

Day 43

"Tell me what happened yesterday."

Max freezes. The ache in his chest hasn't dulled at all.

Yesterday.

“It’s easier if I show you,” he murmurs, as he tries to ignore the sting in the corners of his eyes.

He steps closer to Charles. He hesitates.

The problem is that he has spent 42 Days with Charles, while Charles has spent none of those Days with him.

He laughs inwardly. But then again, Charles won’t remember this Day either, so what does he have to lose?

Boldness, grief, desire - seizes his chest all at once - and he gathers Charles’ face between his hands; for a fraction of a second, he realizes that Charles isn’t flinching, isn’t moving away. He kisses the soft lips, the very same ones he kissed for the first time yesterday.

Charles kisses him back. And it’s like it was yesterday again.

-

Day 61

It’s worse when he is the cause of death.

-

Day 87

No, it’s worse when Charles dies in his arms.

-

Day 90

He’s wrong again. Nothing is worse than seeing the grief in those green eyes as Max dies in his arms.

Max wants to rip at the gaping wound in his chest. Let him bleed out faster. Let it be tomorrow already.

-

Day 91

“Tell me what happened yesterday.”

Max laughs and sobs. (He sobs in joy.)

He thanks all the stars that Charles didn’t remember. That Charles never remembers.

-

Day 113

“I wish I could remember,” confesses Charles. “It doesn’t seem fair that you know so much about me, and I know almost nothing about you.” He traces his hand along Max’s exposed chest, nestling his face deeper into the crook of Max’s neck.

Max lets him explore. He selfishly loves it. There’s a certain awe in Charles’ expression that he adores, the way he “learns” (relearns) Max’s body each time.

“It’s better that you don’t,” he teases, going for levity this time. “It’s the only way I can guarantee you mind-blowing sex every time, like you’ve never experienced.”

Charles punches him lightly on the sternum. (Max smiles; it’s kinder than the mean little pinch Charles gave him on Day 99.)

“Let’s stay in bed today,” he suggests. “No racing today.”

Charles nods, pressing a feathery kiss to his collarbone. “Maybe that’s the trick.”

Max doesn’t have the heart to tell him that they already tried: Day 7, Day 21, Day 78, Days 103-109. If anything, they always died faster.

-

Day 188

“I love you,” Charles tells him.

Butterflies dance in his chest, and Max fights to maintain composure, just like he did all the previous times when Charles said those words. “You’ve only been with me for a few hours.”

“More than half a year,” corrects Charles.

Has it been that long? Max doesn’t say out loud.

He squeezes Max’s hand on their way out the door, on the way to the race track (on the way to their doom).

“Even if I don’t say it tomorrow, or the Day after that, or for a few Days,” insists Charles. “Just remember that I love you. Always. Even if I don’t remember it.”

-

Day 213

Charles dies for the fifteenth Day in a row.

Max prays to a deity that he doesn’t believe in.

-

Day 219

Charles dies for the twenty-first Day in a row.

Max curses the deity he doesn’t believe in. He vows to let the world break its fucking neck if it means he can keep Charles.

-

Day 220

He tries a different approach. He reaches for all the ugly parts of him that he once swore he would never become.

“- and that is why you will never win the Monaco Grand Prix,” he snarls at Charles, even as he feels his chest - his whole body - fracturing. He wants to bite until he bleeds and swallow his own tongue, but he ploughs on for Charles’ sake. “You will never live up to what you promised your father or Jules -”

Charles punches him. Hard.

It hurts.

He’s glad it hurts. Maybe if Charles hates him, like the universe did, maybe then - just maybe - he might live.

-

Day 224

“I didn’t mean it,” he swallows thickly. “I didn’t mean any of it -”

Charles kisses away whatever apology he was trying to form in his throat.

He can’t help but think: If Charles could remember, truly remember, he would never forgive me.

-

Day 330

Today, he doesn’t go to Charles at all.

Maybe he is the problem.

The poison that feeds this curse. He is the constant variable after all, the part of the equation that dooms them to this eternal purgatory.

-

Day 359

Charles tries to go to him.

He never accounted for that.

Max wants to open that door. Just one twist of the door knob, and Charles will be on the other side. Beautiful, kind, brave Charles. He wants -

It takes every might of his willpower to pull his hand away from the door.

-

Day 362

It’s raining. It never rains. This Day is always, unfailingly sunny.

Charles is in his arms once again, bleeding out on the pavement. The rain tries to wash the blood away. Tries to wash Charles away.

He’s crying, but Charles can’t see that, because the rain washes his tears away too.

“I should have been with you.”

All that wasted time. And for what?

He hasn’t seen Charles for twenty-two Days, but the green eyes that stare back at him are calm, even as the life behind them fades with every passing second.

“You’re with me now,” whispers Charles weakly.

“I love you,” he sobs. He doesn’t care if he’s practically a stranger to this Charles, the one dying in his arms. “I’m so sorry.”

When Charles’ eyes close at last, his face is peaceful, almost the hint of a smile tugging on his lips. A little bit of pain departs with the last breath that Max releases before his world fades to black.

-

Day 363

Charles launches a baguette at his head, and Max cannot believe the man still insists that he doesn’t possess a single iota of French ancestry.

“You abandoned me for how many days?” Charles’ accusation makes him flinch harder than the impact of the baguette on his forehead.

“Schat, I -”

Charles growls at him. “Don’t ‘schat’ me! First of all, I have no idea what that means -”

Max makes an offended noise. Charles loves his pet name, if only he could remember.

“Second of all,” continues Charles relentlessly, “I may not remember, but I felt it.”

That causes Max to fall silent.

“Oh.”

Charles sniffs, picking up the discarded baguette off the floor. “I don’t know how to explain it, but even when I don’t remember, I feel all of it. I can feel everything we went through.”

-

Day 365

Some Days are easier than others. He’s not sure which Day this one is yet. A quick, painless death after a long, beautiful day of laughter? They even made it past the actual race twice. (The first time, Charles drowned in the Monte Carlo harbour during the after party; it remains the one and only time he’s ever won the Monaco Grand Prix, which Max continues to tease him about. The second time, Daniel accidentally cracked Max’s skull with the podium champagne.) Or will it be a painful, drawn out death after a gloomy, joyless day? (Max is still embarrassed about that time he slipped on a bar of soap in the shower on Day 81, ending the Day about 15 minutes after it had started.)

Charles lays a bowl of tomato soup in front of him.

(Max once told him that he loved tomato soup. Maybe 150 Days ago. Maybe earlier than that. He mentioned it only once. Not that Charles ever remembers.)

Somehow Charles always remembers.

“So what’s the plan today?” asks Charles lightly.

The morning sun is streaming through the pearly white curtains, and a crown of light dances around Charles’ soft brown curls. A soft breeze through the open window wafts the tangy aroma of tomato soup towards him.

He takes Charles’ hand in his own and pulls him down so he can taste him on his lips.

“Just being with you,” he whispers, and his heart lightens when Charles rewards him with a dimpled smile. “If I have to live one Day over and over again, then I’m going to spend that Day with you.”

He understands now.

He thought the universe had cursed him. Had cursed them. But even a single Day with Charles was a gift. And he got to relive it over and over again. He won’t waste it again.

-

Day 366 Tomorrow

The alarm doesn’t go off at 7 am.

He only wakes up when the warm duvet is rudely snatched away from him, leaving him shivering in the crisp morning air. A pair of ice cold feet burrows their way into the warm space between his thighs, and a whiplash of messy brown hair makes his eyes sting after settling on his pillow.

-

Hope you enjoyed, @alestire

That kind of... spiralled.

#charles leclerc #max verstappen #lestappen #* #my fic #elle.ask #al tag #ask game #spotify wrapped inspired #this is how i cope with the monaco gp curse

[fiercynn]

As it usually happens on here, we become fans of things by osmosis if we didn't seek it out for ourselves. So I've been following you for a bit and I have finally crossed the threshold from "this person I follow really loves this media and I love seeing their love for it on my dash, so glad they're having fun" over to "I wanna have fun, too." And that's all thanx to @thatgothsamurai's photobooth art.

So, I hope you can guide me on where I should start with patpran and inkpa, and the rest. Like, are they on separate shows that crossover? A spinoff? Like, what's going on, where do I start, how do I watch. Like you, I'm in the US. Any suggestions are appreciated.

AAAAAAAH THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY and thank u @thatgothsamurai for the amazing fanart as always (the photobooth fanart in question, a classic in the fandom)

okay so both patpran and inkpa are canon pairings from the thai bl bad buddy and its related special episodes! all are produced by the thai production company gmmtv.

the show and all related episodes are available to watch on youtube with english subtitles - i'll link to relevant playlists.

THE MAIN SHOW: BAD BUDDY THE SERIES

directed by "aof" noppharnach chaiyahwimhon (who is gay himself), and starring "nanon" korapat kirdpan as pran, and "ohm" pawat chittsawangdee as pat. the original show is twelve episodes, which aired from october 2021 to january 2022. i watched it for the first time in february 2022 and have not known peace every since

the premise is that pat and pran, who have lived next door to each other since birth, have been rivals all their lives because their families hate each other. after pran's sent off to boarding school for three years, they are unexpectedly reunited at university - where they find that their friend groups are also enemies, so they have to keep up the pretense of hating each other. but of course they fall in love instead!

the main story is about patpran, but inkpa is a canon side pairing featuring "love" pattranite limpatiyakorn as pa, pat's younger sister, and "milk" pansa vosbein as ink, a classmate of pat and pran's. though they get less screentime, i still think they have a delightful romantic arc themselves!

SPECIAL EPISODES

zero photography: an inkpa special episode that is set after the main show. directed by "tee" bundit sintanaparadee, whom i don't know much about, and aired in august 2022

our skyy x bad buddy x a tale of thousand stars: so our skyy 2 was an anthology of special episodes released between april and june 2023 for a bunch of different gmmtv bls. each show was supposed to have two special eps for their characters, but since two shows directed by p'aof were getting special eps (the other one being a tale of thousand stars, also a delightful show), he decided to use four episodes as a crossover of the two shows. in the bad buddy timeline, these eps take place during a timeskip that happens in the original show between episodes 11 and 12, and features patpran but has a few great inkpa appearances too. you don't really need to have seen atots to understand the eps, i don't think? but they probably are more enjoyable if you have haha

EXTRAS

"just friend" music video: nanon sings two songs on the bad buddy soundtrack, and ohm sings one for our skyy 2, all of which have music videos, but i'm linking to this song of nanon's particularly because the music video its own story unrelated to the show at all! it's very cute and is basically an au where they are employees at the same hotel (and in love of course)

23.5 degrees the series: this is not technically related to bad buddy, but milk and love are going to be starring in gmmtv's first full-length gl, 23.5 degrees, which will be directed by "fon" kanittha kwunyoo (who i believe is a lesbian)! thai gls are just starting to get attention and backing by the major tv studios, and milklove's known chemistry from playing inkpa, as well as an exciting supporting cast and director, are making everyone super excited for this

there are also TONS of behind-the-scenes and making-of extras if you get into the show but i figured this was enough to start with :D

let me know if you have questions about any of this! i'm not sure how familiar you are with thai media or fandoms, so definitely happy to share/explain more as would be helpful! <3

#bad buddy #bad buddy explainer #patpran #inkpa #zero photography #our skyy x bad buddy x a tale of thousand stars #our skyy 2 #our skyy x bad buddy #just friend mv #23.5 degrees #thank you for the ask this made me so happyyyyyyy #ask me things #id in alt text #original #asking me answering you

[orlamccools]

ok i need brutal honesty pls read and respond to the following poll:

so basically. met this dude at work in 2022, thought he was super hot right off the bat and i felt like there were maybe ~vibes~ there too but nothing ever came of it. early 2023 he starts dating one of my coworkers, and even though they have a decent relationship they break up in october, mainly bc of her schedule. break up is completely amicable, she has no ill will towards him and is cool with other people talking/being friends with him.

around december i organize the stores secret santa, and i invite him and another driver to join the group (after making sure it was cool w everyone else who was participating). since then, the group chat the three of us have has been consistently active, and i talk to both of them fairly often, both thru text and in person. new years eve i go and get drinks w the two of them to celebrate the holiday, and into the new year we still talk all of the time.

now. starting january the person in question starts razzing me a little more, calling me a "silly goose" and just taking time to make more jokes with me. he also like stresses that if school doesnt work out, that i should come work with him at the company they are employed with/that im connected to via my job, and saying things like he would want me to be his helper next holiday season. during this time, he also tells his ex/my friend that he has a master plan to get me to drop out of school and like go travel the country and become like tour groupies for taylor/the bands he likes ??? i did not hear the conversation, and thats the jist of what my friend told me

prior to the release of ttpd, he asks me if i was gonna do a 30 day countdown of my top 30 taylor songs (which i hadnt been planning). bc of his suggestion, i spend the next 30 days curating my fave songs, and he interacts w those texts and asks abt the songs and what have you.

fastforward to the 18th of april: i reveal my favorite song and he responds with "thats 2 hrs and 10 minutes". i ask him to clarify, and he sends a playlist he made of all of the songs i recommended, so he can listen to them whenever. he also keeps suggesting that we (the group chat) go out to celebrate the end of the semester (which we probably will i just need to get thru next week before i commit to anything).

i still think this man is hot as hell, and i feel like there might be mutual vibes flowing between us again. with all of that: do we think theres a possibility he is interested in me in a romantic sense? or am i being delusion and reading too much into something thats platonic??????

#maddie mumbles #i feel like. theres too much there to be a coincidence #but i need other opinions bc idk what to do!!!!

[whatmakesyoulove]

Welcome the 2024 (10th) Cate Blanchett Birthday Project!

Every year, for the past 10 years I’m collaborating Cate Blanchett fans together in order to make something special for her birthday. And I am super excited to say that we have made 9 successful birthday projects together which has ALL arrived to Cate.

Cate Blanchett has influenced me and many more people through the years and this project is my way to say: Thank You. This year the project will surround MUSIC.

I think that one of the most influential things we have in life is music. Music is a tool to connect ourselves and to express things we cannot do with words.

This year, we will share a song with Cate. A song that means a lot to us and we want to tell her something with.

All you need to do, is to pick a song and send ONE sentence about why you chose this particular song.

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT SONG? - GUIDNESS

The song has inspired you to go for your dreams just the way Cate does.

The song can help you express your graduate to Cate

The song can show how her words made you think or feel differently about something - and made you act a new way.

Some important points:

Send one sentence about the song only.

It can be a song in your native language but make sure you do translate the name

The final project will be a playlist that is all dedicated to Cate & A card with your sentences about the songs you picked.

THE FINAL PROJECT WILL BE POSTED ONLINE: So don't get too personal. Everyone who wants to see the project, will be able to do so. 

How does it work?

Send an email with your Name, Age & Country

Mention in the email if you joined any of the past projects and if yes mention the year

Send your picked song (with a Youtube/ Spotify/ Apple-Music link to it) & your sentence.

Rules:

Keep an appropriate language

Letting you know the project will be released ONLINE

Deadline

All projects should arrive until MAY 1ST, 2024. Send them all to the following address: [email protected] (the same one from past years) If you have any questions you can ask me here on the  ask box / twitter / email .

FAQs

Who can participate the project? - Everyone who wants to.

Can I send a picture of myself with a happy birthday poster? Not this time.

Can you guarantee Cate will receive the project? - sadly not, but we will try our best to make this work.

Our work at the past years:

2015 – A birthday video by fans - 24 participants 2016 – A birthday book – 138 participants 2017 – A birthday collage – 43 participants 2018 - The art as we see it -  40 participants 2019 – The big 50: A fan video – 61 participants 2020 - A motivation book - 42 participants 2021 - The fans sing - 34 participants 2022 -  Motivational quotes by Cate - 18 participants 2023 - A book of Inspiration - 64 participants

Please reblog this post so more people will be aware of our project The project Twitter/Tumblr tags: CBBP / CBBP24

#cate blanchett #cbbp #cbbp 24 #birthday project #cbbp24 #cate blanchett edit #* #edit #2024 #queen #queencate

[finallydelight]

Who Knows? | Ming Chapter

December 18, 2022

''You're asking us for advice?'' Soobin and Taehyun seemed perplexed by Yeonjun's request, shocked that their hyung wanted advice from them, especially if it pertained to girls.

Yeonjun nodded his head, a bit embarrassed by their reaction. ''Yes, is that so weird?''

At his words, Soobin and Taehyun shared a look with each other. This glance practically answered Yeonjun's question. ''Yes, yes, it is weird.''

He rolled his eyes at the two of them, taking a seat on the couch. Yeonjun let out a deep sigh, garnering sympathy from the two younger members.

''We can't promise anything, but we'll do our best, hyung.'' Taehyun tried comforting him, placing his hand on his knee. Soobin nodded. ''Yeah, we'll try.''

Yeonjun held his head up and gave them an appreciative smile. ''Thanks,'' he scratched his voice, ''I just want to know about what girls like, you know? Things that make them flustered?'' His cheeks had reddened as the questions left his lips.

Both Soobin and Taehyun thought about it for a few seconds, neither of them having much experience in the dating department. ''Pff, I don't really know.''

''Flowers. Girls like flowers, right?'' Soobin suggested, seemingly quite proud of himself for coming up with an answer.

Yeonjun shook his head. ''Yeah, but I think she gets enough of those already.'' He thought to himself, thinking about a certain someone.

''Chocolates''

''A handwritten letter''

''Are we thinking about someone specific or just in general?'' Taehyun asked him, already having a hint of what the answer was. The man in question gulped. ''Just in general.''

The two guys next to him couldn't help but let out a grin on their faces, knowing exactly who he wanted to impress. ''Sure, hyung.''

''Okay, back to my original question.'' Yeonjun reminded them, not in the mood to be teased by his younger brothers.

They got back to thinking and it was Soobin who got the winning answer. ''A song.''

''What do you mean?''

''Don't people love it when someone sends them a song and tells them they remind them of said song?'' He clarified.

Yeonjun's eyes widened, immediately knowing what to do. ''Yeah, yeah, that's genius! Thank you so much, Soobinie.'' Yeonjun padded Soobin's shoulder a few times, before getting up from the couch and walking to his room.

Once he closed the door, he pulled out his phone.

Healing Yeonjun: hey, I thought you might like this song :)

There was a link attached to the song 'City of Stars' from the 'La La Land' movie. For some reason that was the song that popped into his head when Soobin made the suggestion. He contemplated sending her another message, telling her it reminded him of her, but opted not to do it.

''Did Ming-nim like the song?'' Kai asked him while the five members were eating their dinner in the dorm.

Before he could actually think about the question, Yeonjun nodded his head. ''Yeah, she said she was gonna add it to her playlist.''

The rest of the members smirked, content they got their older brother to unconsciously confess that he liked the female singer. ''I thought you just meant in general when you asked them for advice?'' Beomgyu seemed to have never been happier than he was in that moment, overjoyed to have something new to tease the oldest member about.

Yeonjun looked like a deer caught in headlights, but quickly redeemed himself. ''I never said it was for someone I liked.''

''We never said you liked her.''

Realising he wasn't gonna get out of the situation, he got up from his seat. ''I need to use the bathroom.''

''He's getting old, so he needs to go to the toilet way more than us youngsters.''

''Beomgyu, you punk!''

A soft smile graced Ming's face as the song played from her phone, attentively listening to the lyrics.

''I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you~'' ''It's love. Yes, all we're looking for is love from someone else~'' ''You never shined so brightly~''

''That's a nice song.'' Minghao had heard the song while passing by her room, her door not being fully closed.

Ming paused the song and smiled at him. ''Yes, uh, Yeonjun send it to me.'' Minghao seemed surprised, tilting his head. ''Ah, he did?'' She simply nodded at him, taking notice of the confusion in his voice.

''That's very sweet of him.'' Minghao took the space next to her on Ming's bed, not taking his eyes off of her.

''Yeah, it is.''

He scratched his voice, not sure whether to continue the conversation. ''I know it's not my business, but, uh, what's going on between you and Yeonjun?'' Minghao tried his hardest to not sound accusing or judgemental, knowing it wouldn't get an answer out of her.

''He's a good friend of mine, you know that.''

Her answer didn't satisfy him, because he knew there was more to their friendship than she was letting on. He had known her for almost 10 years, and Minghao could read her like a book.

His silence must have given her the indication that he wasn't fully content with her reply. ''Maybe more, I don't know.'' She confessed, too shy to make eye-contact with the person she considered her older brother.

''You like him?''

Do I like him? Do I like him? Do I like him? The question rang through her head like your favourite song would.

''I think I do.''

''You think you do?''

''You're judging me, Myungho.''

He laughed at her hopeless facial expression, realising his question indeed came out of a place of judgement. ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.''

''It's just that… I thought you liked Mark.'' Minghao addressed the elephant in the room, wondering about the boy who had clouded his younger sister's mind, and maybe even heart.

At the mention of the rapper, she let out a sigh. ''I do like Mark, it's just so… so…''

''Complicated?'' He finished her sentence for her.

Ming nodded, a guilty feeling creeping up on her. ''I'm such a bitch.''

''Why? Because you like two guys who treat you very well and seem to like you just as much? Yeah, you really are a bitch, Yerimie.'' Minghao said, the sarcasm making her chuckle.

She groaned, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. ''What do I do, oppa?'' The frustrations in her voice not escaping him.

''Follow your heart, I know it's cliché,'' he laughed, ''but I know you'll do the right thing, whatever that may be.'' He patted her back.

''Just keep in mind that you're a public figure and things have consequences, be careful with what you do.''

Taglist: @mystic-luv @cosmicwintr @mythicalamphitrite @billboard-singer @stopeatread @still-astray @sakuurra @multiplums @giverosespls @seongwhaffels @kimhyejin3108 @smoooore

#ming.svt #kpop oc #kpop au #kpop addition #14th member of seventeen #seventeen 14th member #seventeen female addition #seventeen female member #seventeen addition #seventeen oc #yeonjun x oc #seventeen au #minghao x oc #seventeen extra member #seventeen added member

[blorb-el]

13 and 23 for the fanfic end of the year asks?

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

I have songs that inspire me to think about the fic in question and the characters, but I usually need minimalism while actually writing. For inspiration: the Prisoner’s Chorus from Beethoven's Fidelio, the first movement of the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto in D minor, Peter Gabriel’s cover of The Power of the Heart, Leonard Cohen’s Recitation/A Thousand Kisses Deep, Regina Spektor’s The Call. For actually writing, long playlists/best of's of Arvo Pärt, Max Richter, and Ludovico Einaudi, and this random album of FNAF game music remixes

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

putting this under a cut because there are SO DAMN MANY GOOD GOD...........

the biggest would be finishing the Kryptonian superbat au, which would be (mild spoilers?) sort of a sequel to isostatic. It was my NaNo project in 2022 but I had to stop about 25k in for Reasons. I think once it’s done it’ll land in the 40k ish range? There Will Be Footnotes.

of course finishing we shall be free; we shall find peace, but tbh I was pretty damn sure I was never going to finish that in a year. I made about 45k of progress on it during NaNo this year, but, horrifyingly, that only got me about...halfway…through the plot outline. this mfer is a SLOW slow burn

I really wanted to participate more in bottom bruce wayne october with various superbat ideas and ended up with 4 drafts, one of which was done enough to end off to januariat to be beta read, but I just couldn’t figure out how a few paragraphs in that would flow, which is usually a symptom of being unsatisfied with a deeper issue. So the catboy pwp, the chastity belt dkos-ish au, the sex pollen, and the [redacted fic that shall remain undescribed bc I will never have the nerve to publish it except on anon] all remain in tragic stages of unfinishedment

speaking of various pwps, I really wanted to make progress on an immediate post-wf289 fic where the ashes of the Kryll give superbat low-level temporary telepathic empathy and of course they've been pining for each other for years and do it very tenderly and probably weep manly tears, because that's the bronze age worlds finest vibe <3

The claspers whumpfic where clark gets shrapneled and bruce has to do emergency surgery and oh no discovers his claspers remains one scene. I need to look up best practices in octopus physical therapy for this though if it gives you some idea of the intended plot. This would be a prequel/backstory to make this place your home and a home for my xeno clark headcanons in general

I really want to do an omegaverse fic that’s the opposite of the 'oh no, I’ve just gone into heat and I have no plans, you’ll just have to sleep with me' trope. like, bruce's contingency plans have fallen through yeah, but with two weeks advance notice and he's asking clark for a gentleman's favor and there's traditional style courting with cheese plates and possibly slow dancing. also maybe to incorporate xenomegaverse Delta clark and also how much more dangerous Poison Ivy would be in an omegaverse setting

I still have aspirations for a sequel to tacere featuring Kara acclimating to life on earth, but that’s on the back burner until I read more of her comics bc i know that plot's been done over and over and i want to be sure i know what the canon takes are

i fervently want a comfort (xen)omegaverse cloisbat set during the recovery in superman: lost

dragonclark aka the one where kryptonians all avoid magic bc they don't want the spells that shapeshift them into humanoid forms to be broken and they're actually (slightly fifth dimensional) dragons but otherwise tech based. don't worry about it. martha and jonathan found a baby six-limbed dragonlet in that rocket that blinked at them and then shapeshifted and they were like ok we are still gonna adopt

was contemplating a fic set in clark's sophomore year of college where xenoclark/mermaidlori get together but i can't decide whether i want it to be straightforward pwp hooking up or actual melancholy young love plotfic where they both have this impending separation hanging above their heads. i was vaguely thinking of having lori's mermaid tail be partially paralyzed but i'd have to do a hell of a lot more research into ableism related to wheelchairs and find a wheelchair using beta

old timey radio husbands ft. radio bruce getting blackmailed for having sexe pictures. need to buy a book to research the metropolitan american gay scene in the 40s. or perhaps the fic is just the excuse i need to order the book?

every time i watch any given jl episode i want to write a fic where dcauclarkie my problematic rectangular fave gets some god damn therapy. this has been the state of my brain for two years and it may in fact be time to pick up my first ever attempt at dc fic, which was post-stas pre-jls1 fic that attempted to explain why the US government would ever trust dcauclark again by lifting the plot of panic in the sky from the reeves show (ft. amnesiac clark)

speaking of reeves and watching shows every time i watch an episode of batman 66 I want to write an adamwest!bruce/georgereeves!clark because every time I watch 66bruce be a ridiculous dad to dick I’m like ohhhhhhh this man NEEDS to get [redacted] until [redacted] he DESERVES it. he is so husband material. and 50s Superman also could use [redacted redacted redacted]. Unfortunately this is not a plot, but as Jan so patiently reminds me, pwp is a thing, so...

that was so many. if you have read to the end let me know if any of these are intriguing and i shall perhaps move them forward to the front burner alongside wsbf

#thanks for the ask :^) #the thing about me is that i have. so fucking many fics in the wip drawer #my entire 'wip' folder in scrivener is. 248k words. as opposed to the 40k words i have published on ao3. its clownographic #dio-icarticaae #my writing

[emeraldskulblaka]

Hi I just saw your post about the rock operas and stuff could you post links and tips?? I’d be so so grateful <3

Hi! Most definitely!

Since you asked about "the" rock operas, I assume you're interested in the Silmarillion rock operas. For other rock operas & other Silmarillion musicals, check out @quixoticanarchy's posts here and here. @sewn-with-lilies-fair has created an adaptation directory for all Tolkien adaptations - stage and otherwise - here.

And now, the Silmarillion rock operas (coincidentally, all of them are Russian):

Finrod Zong / Finrod, the Rock Opera

Финрод is based on the tale of Beren and Lúthien as featured in J. R. R. Tolkien's Lay of Leithian and the Silmarillion. It ends after Lúthien defeats Sauron and frees Beren.

Here's a trailer of the current production:

I'd recommend watching the 2014 staged concert first; it's my favourite, and there are English and Spanish subtitles available.

If you're feeling adventurous, you can check out the original Финрод-Зонг from 2001 here (English subtitles available) & a full recording of the current production here.

The original Финрод-Зонг lyrics, transliteration, and translation by @cycas; and the updated рок-опера Финрод version (2014 & 2022) by @quixoticanarchy.

My full playlist for this show, all videos are in chronological order (not meant for first-time watchers, though). There's a cast recording from 2008 available; it can be found in the Tolkien adaptation directory linked above. Here's a spreadsheet containing performance details, albums, and playlists for the current production.

Social media:

Theatre Etherius:

VK: Moscow and St Petersburg

Instagram (inactive)

Theatre Portal: VK & Instagram

Lay of Leithian

Лэ о Лэйтиан is another rock opera based on the tale of Beren and Lúthien; however, it features the FULL story!

Here's the trailer:

There's no full AND free recording of the show available, but you can purchase a recording from either VK or Boosty; links below. Don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. Here is my playlist for the show, and here's the song everyone's raving about.

Four absolute legends, @sewn-with-lilies-fair, @quixoticanarchy, @nereb-and-dungalef, and @warthoong have translated the entire show into English: here is the most recent version (which has also been published by the Leithian creative team!!). Check out this brilliant directory for more info on the show (web version only), and this spreadsheet containing performance details, albums, and playlists for the current production.

Social media:

VK (lots of pictures, clips, and info; if you happen to live in Russia, you can become a donor and support the production. You'll get exclusive access to photos from behind the scenes, new costumes, and other fun things)

Boosty (if you don't live in Russia, you can support them here! You can purchase nine full recordings here; advice on how to do that)

Instagram old & new, Twitter (inactive)

unofficial English website & Instagram

Сказание о Берене и Лютиэн

aka the Beren and Lúthien equestrian show. It's a NOTmusical with horses based on the tale of Beren and Lúthien, and looks just as amazing as it sounds.

Trailer:

I don't know overly much about this show, but I can tell you this much: it has three acts à 35 minutes, includes the Dagor Bragollach, and is recommended for audiences 16+. A fourth act premiered on 28 January 2024 without horses. Feel free to check out their YouTube channel and especially their VK pages for more clips and pictures. There's no full recording available, only a concert performance of the songs. Another stage version without horses was recorded in March 2023, but it is no longer available to purchase. According to the director, there are definite plans for an English translation of the songs as well as a film version of the musical.

Social media:

VK: KSK Remmirath (most content), separate page for the musical, Olga Rudskaya (director, Finrod)

Instagram

Fingon & Gondolin Musicals

I'm definitely not an expert on these two, but you can find the theatre's page here. There are three full recordings of Fingon: 2021, 2022, 2023. The script can be found here - shout-out to @anna-dreamer finding and sharing it. A couple of songs from the brand new musical Гондолин premiered at КаминКон on 1 October 2022.

.

Since I don't consider the Melkor 'song opera' an adaptation in the strict sense, I don't want to list it as such; however, you can check out the most iconic song here (with English subtitles), and highlights from the show here.

.

Feel free to message me (or send another ask) if you have further questions, especially regarding Boosty and full recordings of Lay of Leithian & Finrod. I'm more than happy to talk about any and all Tolkien stage adaptations 💚 Check out my tags for more content!

IMPORTANT: This is not meant to be a masterpost. The information presented here is incomplete and the summaries very basic.

#ask #daisiesandearlgrey #finrod zong #lay of leithian rock opera #emeraldposts #masterpost #finrod rock opera #fingon musical #gondolin musical #melkor opera #equestrian b&l

[taekooktimeline]

July 15, 2023 (posted) -

ARMY asks Jungkook questions about “Seven” in his Spotify interview. He’s asked who the first person to hear “Seven” was and he says “Taehyungie Hyung,” with the brightest expression. I’ll never get over the Taehyungie Hyung nickname (😭), but I also want to draw attention to the fact the question asked who the first PERSON was to hear his newest song, not who the first MEMBER was. Taehyung was the first person out of everyone Jungkook knew to hear his newest solo. That’s really special and significant and shows (again) their closeness, and how they support each other in their pursuits.

He says he “played it for him first” not that he sent it to him, indicating they were together when Jungkook shared his newest song.

This is super sweet, and is another of many instances we see Taekook sharing their pursuits with each other and supporting one another. Taekook respect each other as musicians and even though the music they create is different, the first person they share it with is each other. It’s another example of how close and supportive they are.

Jk jokes that they don’t share the same taste in music. Jk’s big, bright smile after he says this is so sweet (I love his smile in general). I agree with others that he was obviously joking (and the little caption says as much). While the style of music they make is different, we know they share playlists, play the same songs in their lives, recommend the same artists and songs on their IGs (when Jk had IG) and sometimes those songs shared are from more obscure artists. Plus, my friend who is fluent in Korean posted the following:

“음악 결이 안 맞아요 (the translation missed the nuance) 결… is hard to translate

Where as It means

We have different music styles”

Jungkook is saying that they make different music and that they have different music styles as musicians. This is consistent with what we have seen and known of the two over the years with their shared playlists and recommended musicians and songs.

Jk isn’t finished talking about Tae🥰

https://twitter.com/peachesminty/status/1680762355452641281?s=46&t=StSwHjW0_Domk_lHUFMaCg

Snippet - https://twitter.com/jjklve/status/1680526364762308608?s=46&t=StSwHjW0_Domk_lHUFMaCg

Raw snippet- https://youtu.be/f6FsAbGSqNI and Tae interview https://open.spotify.com/episode/1vUeOvM2Z69G4xzsf10sVs?si=qJz-I3zfSsahKGeGpezxjw&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A35ltzomNTBi2lqCtoL4Drt

This isn’t the first time Tae has been the first person to hear Jungkook’s work. During BTS’ November 20, 2020, comeback live, Jungkook explained “Stay” was originally the last song for his mixtape, but Tae heard it and had the other members and company hear it. They listened to it in the practice room and agreed to have it on their BE album.

Recap -

https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/641203143698530304/november-20-2020-live

And on November 27, 2020, an interview with Weverse Magazine was released. Jungkook reiterates Taehyung heard “Stay” first and then the other members heard it.

Recap - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2020/641203143698530304/november-20-2020-live

And on June 13, 2022, Tae went live and confirmed he heard Jungkook’s “My You” a month ago, then repeatedly praises the song.

Recap (which includes at the end a more comprehensive recap of the times Tae has hyped and praised Jk’s work) - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2022/687452923679145984/june-13-2022

This isn’t comprehensive, but here are some examples in prior instances of Taekook sharing playlists and knowing / recommending the same artists and songs.

May 12, 2016: Taekook sing karaoke together. Tae let’s Jk pick the songs, saying he knows all of the songs he does - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2016/624267536691757056

February 7-13, 2018: Jimin and Hobi saying Taekook share playlists - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2018/625075227856158720

September 2019: Jk immediately recognizes Tae’s playlist - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2019/625211123706331136/september-2019

April 11, 2023: Jk recommending “oh no, oh yes” to Tae - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline2023/718035311903588352/april-11-2023-tae-goes-live-around-215am

March 4 (Jk) and July 18 (Tae) sharing artist CHS - https://www.tumblr.com/taekooktimeline/723206835313704960/july-18-2023

#taekook #taekooktimeline #2023 #closeness #playlists #sharing #supportive

[ericleo108]

FarmingHumans.com 2023 American Inequality

05/19/2023 Click here for Spotify, Apple Music, or Youtube. “American Inequality” is my 44th official release. This song is edutainment, or educational entertainment which is music that teaches you. The song is intellectual rap about American economic inequality. The song was self-recorded, and mixed and mastered by Keyano. The beat is from Tantu, and the cover art is made by ArtworkGang from Fiverr.

Links:

FarmingHumans.com YouTube Shorts Playlist

2022 American Inequality YouTube video blog post monologue

2022 American Inequality Blog Post 

“American Inequality” rap song

“Had Enough” rap song

“The Villian” rap song

Intro

I made a post about American inequality last year and the blog post for it on EricLeo108.com was the demo of this song and then a treatise about the problem. I planned on updating it every year I’m in graduate school or write a book with the original post’s themes. You can find the latest edition of my take on American Inequality at FarmingHumans.com or click here for the 2022 edition.

This (release) is the 2023 edition. Since I’m not in graduate school yet I haven’t added much to the plot/details but the concept is still there. This will be an abridged version with new revelations. I will discuss the main points of the American Inequality 2022 post and give an explanation that will clarify the lyrics. The video shown immediately below is the FarmingHumsns.com 2023 American Inequality 2023 monologue

YouTube Shorts

You can get the information presented here through shortform video from various creators by watching my “FarmingHumans.com” YouTube shorts playlist which will better detail and explain the information presented here. Most of the points I make here and reference can be found and enunciated in the YouTube playlist. 

Qualifications 

Why should you listen to me? I graduated magna cum laude with a degree in sociology from Eastern Michigan University. I took a class and received an A in college on a course about writing history. I keep up with current events and I have a reputation to build and uphold. Even if I don’t make it to graduate school this year, I’ll keep trying and I need to stay correct, intuitive, and current to make an impression in academia. I really can’t wait to apply sociological theory to the issues I discuss here. I have been accepted to a masters program in sociology at Western, but it’s still unknown whether I’ll be able to afford to attend seeing as I don’t have housing and I need to be awarded my fasfa which hasn’t come in yet. I also self-published my book “108 The Story of Discovering Earth’s Consciousness” which is non-fiction and autobiographical.

Who Rules America?

First of all, have you ever wondered “Who rules America?” Well, that very question is answered by William G. Domhoff a leading social structure sociological researcher at the University of California Santa Cruz. His experience and conclusions are more valuable than mine and worth looking into. But to summarize, corporations rule. To be more specific, corporate CEOs wield immense power. I say it best in my song “Had Enough,” it’s a “CEO fraternity, the CFR (council on foreign relations) logistically.” Although America is a democratic republic it functions as an oligarchy where a group of wealthy individuals rule.

Basically how our government functions is a coporporation wants something done so they fund a politician and write bills. Those politicians are then sympathetic to corporate wishes because that’s where there donations and livelihood comes from. The corporation then writes a bill that is presented by their politician, they fund a public relations campaign to get support, and if it doesn’t work the first ten times, they’ll keep trying until they succeed.

Sure special interest groups and communities do get laws passed, but this is the exception and not the rule. If you look at 2022’s post you’ll find a graph showing the average individual, economic elites, and interests groups effectiveness on government policy. The average individual have a flat effect where the wealthy and special interest groups have kind of a linear effect where the more support you have the more likely it is to get passed. Like George Carlin said, it’s a group of powerful individuals working in their self interest which creates a conspiracy of interests. Adam Conover discusses this in his content talking about corporate consolidation and the power it gives to inidividual CEOs. 

It seems that the effects of corporate consolidation are being recognized, thwarted, and attacked. This can be seen with the protests in France right now which are happening because their government wanted to raise the retirement age. The French people have taken to ransaking Blackrock’s headquarters in France because the people are saying they are responsible for the policy change. Blackrock and Vanguard are the largest corporations in the world. 

Buckley v. Valeo

Ever since the court decision Buckley v. Valeo wages haven’t kept up with productivity and the minimum wage has remained stagnant while costs have skyrocketed. To recap, America is so entrenched in corporate rule healthcare is privatized and we spend ⅕ of all spending on defense because it makes corporations a whole lot of money. Corporations and the wealthy can buy elections because money is speech. There’s a direct relationship between how much marketing a candidate does and their likelihood for winning. Those that can pay to familirarize themselves with the public win, and corporations have the money to make that connection between the politician and the voter happen. Read Noam Chomsky’s “Manufacturing Consent” for more. 

Socialism 

Capitalist have to blame socialism for economic problems because recognizing how capitalism really functions would show it’s flawed, based on luck and inherited wealth, and not based on merit. Socialism is simple, it’s “workers right over production,” which capitalist snear at because it mimimizes their control and importance. Capitlaist claim it’s the poor who don’t work hard but it’s the exact opposite that is true. The wealthy don’t have to work period, let alone hard. All you have to do is make wise decisions with your money; and by that I’m mean decisions that will make you more money. Like I say in my song “The Villian” they “claim it’s hard work when it’s leverage and a mindset.”

This can be seen with Marx’s “surplus value.” For a business to work you need labor and capital. The capitalist purchases the labor and capital goods (i.e. employees to run the machines). The money the business makes minus labor and the cost of goods goes to the owner, that’s called surplus value, and the owner does not have to work for it, all he needs is money to buy the labor and capital goods.

If you watch a season of shark tank you’ll see how the capitalist really think and act. They say all the time “I make my money work for me,” because the truth is you don’t get wealthy from working. You can get rich from you’re labor, but Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos didn’t get where they are through “earned income.” They made their money through captial gains which the American government literally calls unearned income. You work to make a living, and America doesn’t have a labor shortage, it has a living wage shortage.

Real Capitalism 

Capitalist have to say that it’s socialism because otherwise it’s the reality that it’s the current capitalist system that doesn’t allow the individual to live (let alone thrive) and creates rampant inequality. The truth is from Adam West to Mark Cuban (as you will find in the Youtube shorts playlist) the reality is capitalism requires government intervention from wealth becoming too consolidated. 

It’s literally the job of the government to break up monopolies, and raise the minimum wage. But things like that don’t happen, and capitalism goes unchecked and out of control because corporations can basically control the government through lobbying and because money is speech. This is why we desperately need to get money out of politics. There’s hope, for example, AOC has recently introduced a bill to prevent congress from trading stocks.

The truth is what the right and Fox News calls socialism is really the opposite of what it means. First of all, they think socialism is giving poor people money, which it isn’t, it’s workers rights over production. As MLK said "This country has socialism for the rich, and rugged individualism for the poor.” And by the right’s explanation of socialism, giving money to the entitled, corporations and the wealthy are socialists. You the taxpayer, give way more to corporations in taxes than any wealthfare program. If this country want’s to be in a rage about people getting money that they don’t deserve and feel entitled, you should be mad about corporate welfare (which is considered socialism by the right’s wrong definition).

Corporate Rule: Examples and Results

Some examples of the result of corporate rule are human rights around abortion (otherwise known as women’s healthcare) and gun laws. It’s clear we have such a problem with mass shootings because America is a militaristic nation and the gun manufatures (again) want to make more money so they have lobbied the government through the NRA to make guns so available they are the leading cause of death in children. 

Another example is the East Palestine Ohio train derailment. The truth is this is endemic to the way the industry works. The union tried to warn Norfok Southern and other train companies that rails were unsafe and suggested new rail and braking system. Norfolk never upgrade their breaks or rails resulting in the derailment due to negligence because they were trying to cut costs. Again, this is what every corporation does, it’s to make the surplus value for the shareholders. And again with the conspiracy, working in their own self interests to make more money a train corporation has caused a enviromental disaster, just like working in their self interests corporations have created economic despotism in America.

White Nationalism

Leaning into the conspiracy aspect and how self-interested groups merge to serve their self interests, there is a very real christian white nationalist agenda in the Republican party because corporate rule has becomed so powerful and unhinged. If you’re looking for me to point fingers at who are the conspirators, look no future than the Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF) and the Council for National Policy (CNP). These organization have ideals that many corporations support because it gives them more power. The ADF and CNP are responsible for propagating hate through society and the government with banning books, attack on women’s healthcare and reproductive rights, and the current genicide against the transgendered. Look to the Youtube Shorts Playlist for more information.

Personal

In this “American Inequality” song I say “The government exploits my labor power for healthcare” because I’m only allowed around $800 in earned income per month before I go into a trial work period which could cause me to loose my healthcare. That’s not labor exploitation but rather labor-power exploitation. The government is literally limiting me being able to leverage my labor power to create economic prosperity for healthcare. 

To explain further, the government sees income in two categories: “earned income” from employment or contract or “unearned income” from capital gains, profits, or royalties. I can make unlimited unearned income but only $800 per month from earned. Although I live on disability I got a job for a year for the seed money to start my music business.

I’m glad the system is the way it is with unlimited unearned income, but it should be better, it should be unlnimited earned income as well. It’s almost designed so you have to have money to make it out of poverty. You won’t get on the disability system in the first place unless your economically depraved. And you can only use your labor to make so much money. This is why I call disability a poverty trap. And again, it wouldn’t be this way if not for corporate rule. The pharmaceutical lobby is the biggest lobby in the US.  If we had universal healthcare I wouldn’t have a cap on my labor power to keep healthcare. 

The Real Question

Corporations are farming you for labor (employment) and money (consumerism). The real question is “How do we want to be farmed?” Because the truth is corporations are answering that question and ruling the farm and they are not considering the wellbeing of the animals, they are only doing what will extract profit. The reality is the American dream no longer exists. The dream of a house with a white picket fence, car, two kids, and a college degree off one income is a fallacy. That used to make us great. But because of rulings like Buckley v. Valeo we no longer have that standard of living. It’s George Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” where the pigs are changing the rules and can control the farm, but are you just going to give power to them (which [eg oil] corporations would be the pigs in this senario), or do you wanna be self governed?

If you want to take back control there are some ways you can help make a more Democratic government and economy. You should support a graduated tax code. It used to be the poorest Americans paid 10% or less while the wealthiest paid 90% before Regan, now with the Bush and Trump tax cuts the average American pays a higher tax rate than billionaires. If you want things to get better you should be supporting only candidates that support universal healthcare. You can join, start, support, or help build a union. And Support bills that get money out of politics and continually make the internet more free and open.

In conclusion

Labor and subsequently the people have lost power because money is speech. Not only does the American dream not exist, the average American can’t afford to live because Capitalism isn’t being regulated like it should. There's a merger between the political and economic elites while the republicans are slowly fighting and winning for their Christio-fascist agenda.

Lyrics:

American Inequality Taught by Eric Leo 108

America’s an oligarchy One labor exploitation party While they rest and pop Bacardi  We work full-time and still are starving The American dream Is just a marketing scheme For the oligarchy So we don’t question their greed And that money is speech You can buy elections for a fee Just lobby the seat And advertise to the sheep  We have socialism for the rich Capitalism for the poor If you don’t acknowledge this Then you’re ignorant for sure

That’s a Martin Luther King quote  You really need to read more Use your mind, dissent, scold  Learn to debunk the lies told It was once the American dream To be able to afford the house and a property deed Healthcare and a scientific degree While today is hard to afford an apartment for three On minimum wage, you can’t make ends meet That used to make us great, but now the population’s asleep It’s policy that stratified the nation's books Gave tax breaks to the wealthiest when 90% is what they took Now we have a nation of debtors that can’t make it, but work  You can thank the decisions of Trump, Reagan, and Bush As the pigs slowly change the rules the horse screams work harder Just another fascist tactic of the people in charge here Only those who think can understand what they are You should be alarmed because It’s “Animal Farm” and

America’s an oligarchy One labor exploitation party While they rest and pop Bacardi  We work full-time and still are starving The American dream Is just a marketing scheme For the oligarchy So we don’t question their greed And that money is speech You can buy elections for a fee Just lobby the seat And advertise to the sheep  We have socialism for the rich Capitalism for the poor If you don’t acknowledge this Then you’re ignorant for sure

The Supreme Court let corporations overreach Into the coffers of democracy When Citizens United gave unlimited head  To how they equated money to speech I get paid $12 an hour and have a college degree It’s really interesting Americas like you ignorantly Not question the society that seemingly free And Is silent to the oppression economically  The government exploits my labor power for healthcare The systems of poverty trap for the disabled on welfare I worked for a year to make ten grand So I could start my music business and make two albums You can make enough money to not be considered disabled  And still not have enough money to afford your medication I expect at the very least you support this with a click And make sure everyone knows Eric Leo taught you this

America’s an oligarchy One labor exploitation party While they rest and pop Bacardi  We work full-time and still are starving The American dream Is just a marketing scheme For the oligarchy So we don’t question their greed And that money is speech You can buy elections for a fee Just lobby the seat And advertise to the sheep  We have socialism for the rich Capitalism for the poor If you don’t acknowledge this Then you’re ignorant for sure

America’s an oligarchy One labor exploitation party While they rest and pop Bacardi  We work full-time and still are starving The American dream Is just a marketing scheme For the oligarchy So we don’t question their greed And that money is speech You can buy elections for a fee Just lobby the seat And advertise to the sheep  We have socialism for the rich Capitalism for the poor If you don’t acknowledge this Then you’re ignorant for sure

#rap #hiphop #new music #firday #american inequality #america #michigan #rapper #edutainment