#the start to this year has been actual poopoo for so many of us and i just wanted to drop a little bit of love

[lizacstuff]

Anon asks: SCK Fragman 38 speculation

(Asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: Do you think they're getting married this next episode? idk if the tattoos were confirmation

I think it’s possible? But I also think it’s entirely possible that they get the tattoos as a symbol of their love and a promise of sorts that they are through messing around, but they’re not actually married yet.  Frankly, they already gave us all the wedding hoopla with these two, I’m absolutely fine with an elopement or quick courthouse style wedding, or just a couple of witnesses in a garden. Whatever they want! Let’s just get her done.

Also... I know I said it before, but I’m just in love with the idea of these tattoos. Such a great solution to their ring issue. 

Anonymous said: Thoughts on all these twitter theories from the “sick” line in the fragman?

- it’s about piril and engins kid bc basak and anil filmed in the hospital, and piril was hit by a car in 36 and in 37 she had that moment where she clutched her abdomen and had to sit down

- it’s a flashback serkan has to when his brother alp was sick

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal Kemal as his bio dad (blood or organ donation)

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal eda is pregnant when they draw blood from her to donate

That fragman could be hinting at so many things, and it very well could have been misleading. So lets take each theory in turn. 

“it’s about piril and engins kid bc basak and anil filmed in the hospital, and piril was hit by a car in 36 and in 37 she had that moment where she clutched her abdomen and had to sit down”

Very possible. Engin thinking something had happened to Piril two eps ago did feel like foreshadowing, almost preparing the audience for something. It would be so heartbreaking if she loses the baby, and seems too dark for this show, but it is something that happens to millions of women, so we’ll see.

Also can you imagine after the way Piril stuck by Selin, if Piril lost her baby, and she then witnesses Selin using her baby as a pawn to get revenge on Serkan and Eda?  I’d like to see Piril and Engin’s reaction to that. Though again I think that’s pretty dark, especially for the side couple. 

- it’s a flashback serkan has to when his brother alp was sick

I think this is a very good guess. Serkan probably will see a doctor after he passed out, and if it is another panic attack brought on by the stress of losing Eda, I could see a doctor telling him if he wants to move past the panic attacks, he needs to get at the root of his abandonment issues, which all lead back to his brother’s death. That could be why he’s getting out a box of his things and reading that letter.  So I could very well see a flashback happening to Alp’s diagnosis.

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal Kemal as his bio dad (blood or organ donation)

I’m honestly fully onboard with Kemal as Serkan’s bio dad.  I hear a lot of people poopooing the idea because of opportunity, but I think they told us when it could have happened. In their first meeting, (unless my subs were bad) Aydan mentioned that Kemal had returned once to apologize for standing her up when they were young and going to run away together. I assume that was the window. Kemal showed up years later (after Alp was born) to apologize.. they had a fling and there’s the opportunity for Serkan to be his son. 

Though, to me, if they’re doing something with Serkan’s health it’s got to be related to the plane crash. The chest clutching since he’s been back is concerning, plus wasn’t his hand shaking at one point? So I don’t see him having some serious underlying issue that’s unrelated. This guy does not shy away from going to the doctor and was just in the hospital for probably over a month recovering, so you’d think if there was anything wrong before, we’d know it.  Unless the plane crash acerbated something that’s genetic? And/or requires a match like bone marrow or kidney. I suppose they could give Serkan some rare blood type and that would be something applicable to most any ailment. We shall see. 

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal eda is pregnant when they draw blood from her to donate

This one I think is the least likely. It’s been very fuzzy how much time has passed, but at the minimum 3 months since they were supposed to get married and were having sex, so if Eda were pregnant I think she would have noticed the signs by now.  

Anonymous said: Liza, I know they won’t kill Serkan, but could you reassure me that they won’t? I’ve followed you since Once and you were always good at reassuring.

Ha! I remember making lists of all the reasons they would never kill Hook. 

THEY WON’T KILL SERKAN.

And I’m even more certain of this than I ever was of them not killing Hook, and I was damn certain then. 

There is literally not ONE reason for this show to exist without Eda and Serkan. Not one. This is their love story, and really, storyline wise, the show should have ended awhile ago, and the only reason they keep it going is to keep Hande and Kerem on screen together, making their magic. Seriously, that’s the only reason.

You see how Serkan dying would be counter to that, right?  And if the show were about to end, trust me, there is nothing in it for anyone to have a tragic ending. This started as a romantic comedy, and will end as one, with a happily ever after. And if you’re still nervous, trust this, the production company is still hopeful to sell it into even more foreign markets, especially English language ones, a surprise tragic, twist ending that gets vilified on social media (and trust me this fandom is huge, vocal and capable) would really hurt those chances. 

So even if we’re headed into a bad diagnosis for Serkan, he will be fine in the end, it will just be something for him and Eda to fight through. I promise. 

Anonymous said: thoughts on that wonderfully beautiful fragman? i was watching with hearts in my eyes and then read the translations.. poor serkan!! if it really isn't misleading i definitely think it's some consequence of the plane crash. but, we are secure in what kind of show this is and the full knowledge that it's not a drama and no one is gonna actually die, i'm excited for the potential this storyline is gonna give us!! (esp with the return of the old writers)

I can’t wait to see that rain scene, and the after-the-rain scene and their motorcycle ride. The fragman was very beautiful, but it also felt very poignant and a little melancholy.

It’s interesting with the announcement that the second writing team was back, there were tidbits from several legit entertainment-type reporters yesterday that the show was going back to it’s roots being funny and entertaining.  So a terrible diagnosis for one of the current characters, especially the romantic leading man, doesn’t really fit with that. 

It the writers hadn’t changed I’d be more concerned, not about a character dying, just about the show leaning into some big sort of health-related melodrama.  But I think whatever might be happening will be in service to the plot.  As far as Serkan having a health-scare related to the crash, as I said above it’s very plausible. I mean what are the chances that a man survives a plane crash, is fished out of the sea, spends weeks in a hospital, gets amnesia and is perfectly fine 3-4 months later with no other repercussion? Doesn’t seem possible! 

Anonymous said: Liza, the second set of writers is really coming back! We might actually get comeuppance for Selin!

YESS!!!!! Please. I had completely lost hope with the last set of writers who seemed hellbent on normalizing her behavior.  Look I’d be fine with a 3 minute conversation where Serkan tells her that he knows she’s a manipulative liar and the baby is not his, that he wants her out of their lives for good, and that if she ever comes near Eda ever again he will personally destroy her. 

Is that so much to ask?

Though I’d like her to be humiliated in front of the rest of the team. Just so everyone knows what kind of psycho she is and no one in Edser’s orbit is tempted to give her another chance ever again. 

It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  With the news that Sarp Can (Deniz) is COVID positive, he obviously won’t be back on set anytime soon. They could probably get some VO from him if necessary, for a phone convo, but I’m gonna guess he’s done on screen. 

It’s time to write both characters out! 

As for the 22-23, 25-30 writers coming back, that is the best news I’ve had in ages.  They weren’t perfect, but the things they did well, they did really, really well. Their comedy, romantic scenes, heartfelt dialogue, accurate characterizations and penchant for sizzling scenes that “break the Turkish family structure” will all be most welcome. I’m really excited for the first time in ages. 

Anonymous said: Very interesting that the fragman did not address the Selin baby drama at all. It focused solely on Edser which was a welcome change while at the same time has me a bit nervous for the angst & drama no doubt headed our way. But if Eda & Serkan are together for good now to face the challenges coming then I cannot wait to watch. The last episode was so well done but Eda & Serkan were both near their breaking points for different reasons & you just felt awful for both of them. Really glad that the engagement did not happen and the show focused on the fallout from Serkan’s amnesia. And even had the side characters addressing how difficult things have been for Eda and that she might need some time before picking things back up with Serkan! Looking forward to the resolution of the baby story/exit of Selin and seeing Eda & Serkan heal together.

I hope that the fact that nothing Selin-related was addressed in the fragman means that we finally have people in charge who understand that we are so damned fatigued of Selin that featuring her an active deterrent for viewers.  Also I haven’t seen any evidence that Bige has been on set for 38. That doesn’t mean she hasn’t, it’s still possible, but it is encouraging that the ep will be  light on Selin. 

As far as the drama and angst, I think there’s more headed our way, however I’m hopeful it will be the good kind and not the kind that made us really uncomfortable and want to tear our hair out during the Selin/Deniz era. We know that Eda and Serkan must decide to stay together (spending time together, ring finger tattoos) so the point of the pregnancy storyline is done. When Eda found out Selin was pregnant, it gave Selin the chance for one last Hail Mary pass, and she took it, trying to break them up, but it failed. So it’s usefulness is over. She can’t keep the charade going because of Deniz, and because once Serkan has time to calm down and think, he’ll realize that any time in Slovania where he was so injured that it’s possible he doesn’t remember, he also would have been too physically incapacitated to do anything of the sort. 

As for Eda needing some time, yes, things in 36 were just too easy for Serkan in terms of the fallout from his amnesic behavior. Episode 37 made him work for it and I think come to terms with the fact that, Selin manipulations or no, there’s work to do and things he needs to atone for.  Putting her first throughout the episode, and showering her with love, was a good start. 

Anonymous said: The conversations Selin had with Eda, Serkan and Aydan in this episode had my blood boiling. Someone stop this psycho! The unnecessary hole digging was real, my god. I don't care if she's pregnant, don't hold Eda back this time and let her fight this snake. Let everyone fight her! If she's lying to Deniz now, he can fight her too.

I know, she reached new levels of abusive manipulation.  They better be planning a comeuppance, if she’s just allowed to leave with people waving goodbye, I will scream.  The Aydan conversation with her posing the question about abortion was something else. It came across to me more as a threat. Like... I’m thinking about doing this, if you don’t want my decision to be your fault, you better stay on the right side of me. 

The Eda and Serkan stuff goes without saying. It still floors me that she’s willing to pretend like she raped him (if he can’t remember because he was that injured and foggy, then it’s impossible for him to have given consent.) rather than just giving up and living the truth.  

Anonymous said: Like I get it (kind of) but I am so sick of watching Serkan be nice to Selin. Very much looking forward to Serkan chewing her out for how much she hurt Eda with this fake Serkan baby daddy story when she is exposed. I get that Serkan feels he is to blame for calling her to Slovenia in the first place & essentially in his mind giving her hope of them being together but he needs to stop excusing her horrible behavior from there. No decent person would take advantage of that situation the way she did. It seems like the only way that Selin will have an epic fall is if Deniz decides to fight for the kid he knows must be his and tell Eda everything. Going to be tough for her to believe initially but it will have to start making sense once she thinks back on things and then if the photos surface then she will know it must be true.

Agreed. I get Serkan’s guilt, and it actually shows what a good person he is, but he needs to get over it.  Because seriously, all Selin was obligated to do when she got his call was to hang up, and then dial one of the following: his mother, his father, his fiancé or best friend/business partner Engin. That’s it. Call them and say, hey, Serkan’s alive, this is where you’ll find him. But NOPE! Instead she decided to fly there, manipulate him, keep him hidden and try to use it to get back with him. She made him beholden to her, just another in the long line of brainwashing and manipulation. Her flying to his bedside was the wrong thing to do, and it would be great if someone beside Eda recognized that. 

Anonymous said: Even though Selin is the worst and I just cannot wait for her to finally be unmasked as the manipulator she is, I am really looking forward to Edser in the next episode. Eda taking care of Serkan after he passes out, the two of them reaffirming their commitment to each other with the tattoos & possible elopement, Eda reassuring Serkan that she will be at his side even if the kid turns out to be his and also the two of them working together to get to the truth. So darn excited! And if the spoilers are right that Deniz tells Eda the truth and Serkan sees the photos from Ferit then I will be so happy. It is time for Selin to go for good!

SELIN MUST GO. Yes, I think as soon as the news that Selin is pregnant and trying to pass it off as Serkan’s brain-fog baby, Ferit will unleash the photos. (if it’s him that has them).  

I just want Selin and Deniz gone so we can focus on other things. Their presence on this show is a energy drain, and I want to focus on rain frolicking, motorcycles and bed sharing!!!!!  

Anonymous said: I'm so glad that we had a scene of Serkan telling Eda that even without his memories he fell in love with her again, he just couldn't admit it. Serkan has an interesting perspective on the memory loss part of their lives where I think he almost feels too guilty about it all and just wants to move past it. I've noticed that in his dialogues in 36 & 37 where he wants to leave it in the past and basically do his all to make it all up to her in the present and future.

I think this is very well observed. He definitely was trying to leave the past in the past, but honestly I think that’s just laziness on the part of the old writers, not wanting to have to have a reckoning for all the things they had him say or do. Since the writers decided to go that way, I could buy it’s because Serkan feels too guilty about it all. We know how much he loathes making mistakes or being wrong or owing apologies. If that’s what they wanted to do, it would have gone a long way if they’d shown a bit more of him blaming himself, especially in 36. 

I was also very happy that Serkan came out and said that he’s fallen in love with her again. My only thing is I wish if they were going to do that, they would have thrown a little more detail in the dialogue. Like Serkan admitting to her that he started thinking about her all the time as soon as he returned and met her, maybe admit that he slept on his office couch clutching her wedding invitation.  A couple of things like that would have been very nice for Eda to hear. 

Anonymous said: SCK sure loves creating difficult situations for Eda & Serkan. I really felt for Serkan in the last episode especially since he was back to being the romantic robot we all love. He so baldly wants to make up for lost time with Eda that he rushes ahead with the proposal and then gets crushed when she rejects him. And then spends most of the episode frantically trying to figure out what is going on with her and trying to show her how much he loves her. I was really happy though that the show addressed a few different times how awful the last few months have been for Eda and it also made Serkan address it. His plan to just forget about everything and move forward did not happen. Loved that the side characters stepped up to remind him of everything he & Selin put Eda through. Not so crazy that the show decided to use Selin’s pregnancy as the plot device to get Serkan to finally realize “oh yeah, what happened since my accident is a very big deal & now I have to face it & come to terms with it” but still glad it happened. Selin is obviously so much more in the wrong than Serkan but let’s hope her downfall takes place in the next episode.

All of this.  I think you’re exactly right, Serkan tried to brush past everything and I’m glad that finally the other characters stepped up a little to help make him see that he had more work to do. Special shout out to Seyfi for his sassy comment about Serkan almost marrying another woman. And finally Piril was useful and acted like a friend, the first time she had since he returned.  

#Sen Cal Kapimi #Edser #sen çal kapımı #SCK Speculation #SCK Episode discussion #sck 1x38 #sck 1x27 #sckask #asklizac #anonymous

[pinkforyoongi]

Best friends to lovers | Lee Felix

pairing: felix x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 4,3k

warnings: swearing, slight mentions of bullying

a/n: okay so lately i’ve really been getting into stray kids uwu i think i already consider myself a stay :) one day i just felt like writing some fluff and i was wondering who to write for so i thought hey- felix would fit this concept (also i wrote this on his birthday happy late birthday to him ♥) and i’m pretty happy with the end result! hope you enjoy! ~

you met lee felix when you were 5 years old

it was winter and it had just snowed, so you were outside with the girl from your neighbor, dahyun, building snowmen

felix arrived on the scene with another boy, changbin, who was the epitome of evil and every kid on the block knew that

changbin would break everyones sand castles and laugh, call girls gross and pull their hair

he had done that to you too, several times

it seemed like no one was safe from the little demon’s wrath, but for some reason, this boy, felix, was by his side and for some reason, changbin hadn't yet made him cry

your friend had snorted at the sight of the bully, telling the boy duo to go away

as expected, changbin had laughed and made his way over

you had stood up from the ground where you were rolling a snowball and placed yourself between changbin and your snowman

no bully could scare you

the boy had given you a weird look, then tugged the sleeve of his friends jacket

"felix, destroy (y/n)'s snowman"

you turned to stare at the boy in question, glaring at him as threateningly as you could

but somehow changbin had brain washed his friend into his evil shenanigans, as he, without hesitation, pushed you aside and proceeded to kick your wonderful snowman to the ground with you

dahyun had yelled for her mom after that, making the boys flee the scene with basically fire under their butts

but not before you had given felix one last glance, as if telling him he'd regret it and you would not forget his face

not long after that you met felix for the second time

you had learned from your parents that felix and his family were new

he had just moved into the neighborhood from australia and changbins and his parents were childhood long friends

that explained why they were together and why he was also evil

changbin must have infected him with evilness a long time ago - you thought

this time you were alone, playing outside in the snow again, when you saw felix approach you from the corner of your eye

you lifted your head up to stare at the boy who now stood in front of you

he didn't say anything, just stared

you gave him a look to make sure he knew just how displeased you were of his sudden appearance

but his next words surprised you completely

"hey wanna be friends?"

you were beyond angry at his seemingly innocent suggestion

how dare he ask such things from you after what he had done

and because you had been a feisty little kid, you showed him your little fist in response

you weren't having any of this

you were expecting him to laugh, smirk, anything that showed just how evil he was

but once again, the boy surprised you

he began to pout, looking like he was about to cry

"you don't want to be my friend?”

you weren't planning on talking to him at all, but he was acting really strange for a bully

so you spoke to him

"you destroyed my snowman" you stated, reminding him of his horrible crime

still, on the verge of tears, felix muttered:

"i felt bad. it was a really nice snowman. i'm sorry."

you were a confused little you, pouting in thought, trying to figure out the true intentions of this strangely behaving kid

"then why did you do it? why are you friends with changbin the monster?"

felix sniffled, his nose already red from the cold

"our mom's are friends. they told us to play together. changbin can be nice too, i swear! he has a cool train collection."

you stood up from the ground to inspect the boy closer, trying to see if he was hiding a snowball or something behind his back

or worse yet, if that little demon boy was hiding somewhere nearby, ready to attack you any moment

but you found nothing

nothing to prove his intentions were bad

you didn't trust him yet, but something made you stick your hand out to him

"i'll be your friend if you rebuild my snowman with me."

felix stared at your hand, but quickly took it, shaking it excitedly as a wide grin spread on his face

"deal!"

for the next few hours the two of you spent building many different looking snowmen, laughing and having fun

and that's how you and lee felix became friends

as time passed and you began to trust him more, you introduced your new friend to your parents

your parents absolutely adored him, always calling him cute whenever he showed them a bright smile and gushing over his little freckles

so you invited him over, your parents making it a big deal since he was the first boy to ever enter your room

they would tease you occasionally, but to you it didn't seem that big of a deal

he was just a really good friend

felix eventually introduced you to changbin properly

the two of you had been careful around each other at first

changbin even tried to prank you a couple of times

but each time felix protected you from his evil wrath

changbins tries to bully you soon ended however, as you had the chance to bite his arm, after which he learned not to mess with you

and before you knew it, you were friends with seo changbin, the bully of your neighborhood, who turned out to be an actual softie, especially when it came to fluffy plushies

the three of you were close and rarely fought

there were times when changbin would call you gross, but you'd remind him of that one time he wiped snot into his sleeve and he'd get embarrassed pretty quickly

you can recall one time you and felix had a fight

he was over at your place and you had showed him your barbie coloring book and your new set of sharpies

you had promised him he could color one picture from your book if he wouldn't ruin your sharpies

but you were horrified when you saw felix pick out a green pen and color in barbies hair

you had screamed and snatched the object from the poor boys hand, making him jump from surprise

"you poopoo head! barbies hair is yellow not green!"

felix had tried to explain he thought green would look cool on her but you weren't having any of it

it was a damn crime to color barbies hair any other color than yellow how did he not know that?????

how dare he try to justify his actions with such a rubbish excuse?!?!?!

but soon enough you forgive him

but after a lot of convincing from felix's side

he had promised to stay away from your barbie coloring book as well as to never tease you again about that one time you accidentally farted in front of him

you grew up together until you found yourselves in high school

changbin had moved from your neighborhood and was studying in a different school, however he was still in the same city, so you kept in contact on your free time

after puberty had hit you, felix had became rather popular among other kids

you on the other hand, never really mastered the art of getting new friends as you were pretty awkward around new people

besides, you were fine with just changbin, felix and the girl from your neighbor, dahyun

and you were acquainted with some of felix's friends like hwang hyunjin, kim seungmin and han jisung

overall you were pretty satisfied with your high school life

your school success was going well and you had no trouble with anyone

until one day

your school had already ended for the day and you had stayed in the school library to finish off some assignments when a couple jerks entered the space

you didn't know their names, but they were fairly known to be those typical asshole jocks who didn't give a rats ass about their school success

you rolled your eyes as they entered, laughing rather loudly

you ignored them, but couldn't help but get distracted when they noticed you there, whispered something to each other and then approached you

"hey nerd! help us with our assignments"

you sternly kept your eyes on the book lied open on the table, not paying attention to them

"i said hey!" one of them repeated and slammed his hand on the table, making you flinch in surprise

"what. do. you. want." you asked them in an annoyed tone

"you're that nerd who finishes her assignments weeks before due. do ours or give us yours." he demanded

you squinted your eyes

"get out of my sight" you sighed nonchalantly and went back to your book

"i think the fuck not! minho, grab her paper!"

much to their surprise your reflexes were faster

the boy, minho, reached for your assignment paper, but you pulled it away just in time

"you're going to regret that!"

the boy lunged at your paper but you quickly dodged him, standing up and grabbing your stuff quickly from the table, before sprinting off

"get her!" you could hear them yell as loud footsteps started following you

and the very first reflex on your mind was to find felix

and fortunately you had a pretty good idea where he was

so you ran towards the music classroom where you knew he liked to spent time after school, especially on days when you stayed to study in the library

he liked to stay behind and practice anything from dancing to singing, to playing instruments

and often the two of you would meet up at the lockers once you were done and walk home together

you often even ended early and went to find him practicing rapping

he'd get embarrassed you had caught him but he'd let you stay and listen to his melodic voice work it's magic, giving him feedback and encouraging words

so you turned the corner to the hallway where the classroom was located

and luck seemed to be on your side when you immediately came face to face with the freckled boy, who was on his way to inspect where all the noise was coming from

you quickly ran behind his back, grabbing his shoulders from behind and peeking at his face

at first his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not used to seeing you hide behind his back all of a sudden

the two jerks soon caught up and came to a halt when they saw you now had company

felix immediately came to the realization of the situation; you were running from them

his face turned angry, obviously they had done something to make you act this way

and without hesitation, he growled in a low voice

"leave her alone. i never want to see you near her again."

the boys looked at each other, clearly intimidated by his low voice and sharp expression

they decided they valued their lives as they nodded, too scared to open their mouths and quickly fled the scene

as soon as they were gone, you let go of his shoulders and he turned to properly face you

in a second his eyes turned soft and his expression became worried, taking a hold of your hands and staring deeply into your eyes

"are you okay?"

you nodded, giving him a thankful smile

"yeah. they just tried to steal my assignment." you quickly assured him

felix rolled his eyes and shook his head

"how predictable. i'll make sure they won't bother you again."

he smiled and ruffled your hair, making you snort as you pushed his hand away

"thanks lix."

you would never admit it to his face

but that was the first time you acknowledged he made your heart beat fast and butterflies erupt in your stomach

what had lee felix done to you?

a few years later you found yourselves attending the same college

even better yet, even seo changbin had also stumbled upon the same facility

the three of you were together again, reunited and as close as ever

there wasn't a single thing you kept hidden from these boys

well

except for one minor thing

you were madly in love with lee felix

you had no idea how it had happened or when

but you remember the day you realized it

or rather, the night

you had woken up from a nightmare, sweating and panting, body shaking as you took in your surroundings

suddenly afraid of the dark, you turned on your bedside lamp and reached for your phone

before you even realized what your hands were doing, you were dialing a phone number and pressing the device against your ear

and soon enough, a low groggy voice answered the phone

"y/n?"

"felix."

the shakiness in your voice made felix sit up on his bed

you could hear it from the shuffling of sheets through the phone

"y/n what's wrong?"

"i- i had a really bad nightmare. you left me."

"i'm on my way. leave your window open."

before you could reply to him he had already hung up the phone

you quickly got up and rushed to your window, unlocking the clasp so felix could climb in like he always did when your parents were asleep

and not two minutes had passed as you saw his figure running to the ladder right below your window, climbing it up

as soon as his feet were on your floor, you threw your body in his arms

he barely had any time to react, but fortunately he caught you and wrapped his own arms around your small shaky frame

"you'll never leave me, right?" you basically cried to his chest, squeezing the material of his t-shirt between your fingers

"never. i promise." he whispered soothingly to your ear, his hand coming up to brush your hair

that night you had fallen asleep in his arms, listening to his soft breaths and staring at his peaceful sleeping face

but not before your hand had gently caressed his soft cheek, thumb running over his freckles and thought "dammit. i'm in love with my best friend"

so freshman year of college ahead of you and two of your best friends friends beside you, you looked forward to sleepless nights full of studying and all the new aspects that college life had to offer to you

you were expecting to have those two boys by your side throughout the whole experience, but things suddenly changed when changbin found himself a girlfriend

not just any girlfriend, but your childhood best friend dahyun

he began spending more time with her than the two of you, which you should have seen coming, after all, he was head over heels for her

you knew felix had also noticed his absence, but none of you ever brought up the topic

even more strange than not having changbin around at all times, was how the air changed between you and felix when you spent time together

it was almost... awkward

there was this tension between the two of you

you didn't know why, but for some reason felix was unable to look you in the eyes at times

you blamed it on the stress from college and all of these new things happening around you

sometimes you even thought "maybe he's in love with changbin and is jealous", but you'd smile at the thought

you knew felix loved his hyung, but not in a romantic way, although it might have looked different to an outsider

but because felix was acting strange around you, you started to feel awkward around him as well

this kept going on to the point felix was actually avoiding you

and that's when you finally realized you were all alone

2/3 of your friends were dating and the last one was doing his best to avoid you

so one day you got fed up with being alone

and you called seo changbin at 11pm, demanding to meet him at the local diner

you sat down at a corner booth, a strawberry ice cream in front of your face

you shoved spoonfuls into your mouth almost aggressively as you waited for the boy to arrive

he was always late so you were expecting to finish eating the ice cream before he'd appear

but much to your surprise, you only made it to three spoonfuls before he sat down across from you

"you actually made it"

"well i was awake anyway and you sounded angry"

"that's because i am >:("

you basically scolded changbin for forgetting about his best friends

he only nodded along, aware of what he had done and felt guilty about it

"i've known dahyun longer than you have so i understand she's incredible but i'm sure she would understand if you also spent some time with your equally incredible best friends. it's getting really lonely you know especially after felix started avoiding me and i-"

"wait- felix is avoiding you???"

"that's what i said"

"why is he avoiding you?"

"the hell would i know?"

you'd stare at changbin with your eyebrows furrowed as he combed his fingers through his invisible beard, clearly in thought

"well he was always a bit of a pussy"

"what does that mean? like he's suddenly scared of spending time with me after we've been besties for years?"

changbin snorted at your last question, diverting his eyes to the window and trying to hide his grin

but if course you would see it

"what's funny?"

"n-nothing"

"boi i can see your shit eating grin. spill before i have to bite your arm again”

"lol are you dense?"

"what?"

changbin snickered, obviously knowing something you didn't

something about his antics reminded you of the 5-7 year old changbin the bully, which he hadn't been for years

well, except for now

you considered having secrets from your best friend bullying (although you had a secret of your own too)

"changbin." you demanded

"y/n. you should talk to felix. he has something he should tell you. if he denies it, tell him if he doesn't tell you i'm going to"

you gave him a face of disgust

"what's with this 2nd grade theme? why are you suddenly changbin the bully again?"

instead of answering your question, the boy stood up

"i'll hang with you once you get this sorted out. let me know when it's done"

"now it sounds like you ordered me to murder someone"

winking at you, changbin slid out of the booth and walked straight out of the place, waving at you once he was outside

you stared at him in utter confusion as his figure disappeared into the darkness of the night

if you said you slept well that night you'd be lying

all you could think about was "what on earth does felix have to tell me?"

was he sick?

was he dying?

was he dating?

your pessimistic ass could only come up with the worst scenarios, leaving you worrying and anxious

the next morning you woke up two hours after falling asleep

since you and felix no longer walked to school together, you decided to text him and let him know you wanted to talk

usually it didn't take him more than 5 minutes to respond

but this time you had already made it through your lectures and there was still no response

you had seen glimpses of his ginger hair around campus but he was always too far away for you to reach him

"how the hell am i supposed to talk to him when i can't even get a hold of him?" you thought

you had even seen changbin and dahyun, hanging out together like they always did

they had asked you if you had talked to felix yet and you had said no, he wasn't replying to your texts

slowly the students started leaving the building and like old times, you stayed behind to study in the library

this time you only felt more distracted than before, checking your phone every few minutes to see if a certain asshole had decided to reply

but to no avail

you had to admit, you were hurt

it felt like a spear going through your heart

at first you had been angry at both of the boys for ignoring you, but now you were just hurting

it seemed like it was getting worse every passing second, like you had underestimated just how much felix was ignoring you

after about 40 minutes of trying to study, you gave up and slammed your books shut

you actually got kind of a dumb idea and stood up

you headed towards the music class

you knew it was dumb, felix hadn't been going there during college at all

or at least he didn't tell you he was going

but something inside you told you to go and you did

and there you were, standing behind the closed door of the music room, listening to someone play the piano

you couldn't tell who it was, for all you knew it could have been just a teacher

nevertheless you knocked on the door

the sound of the piano stopped and you could hear someone walking over to the door

they stopped right at the door and hesitated

but eventually twisted the lock to open the door

and you came face to face with the boy you loved

suddenly it felt like you were 5 years old again

you on the ground playing with snow and felix approached you

you felt that same anger again, he had hurt you by ignoring you for so long

yet when his eyes focused on yours, a small pout could be seen on his face

he felt guilty for destroying your snowman

"can i come in?" you broke the silence

felix nodded, stepping aside to let you in

you sat down on a chair at a table as felix found his seat back in front of the piano

you decided to go for a friendly approach

"what have you been up to?"

felix skimmed his fingers over the keys of the grand piano

"just been practicing piano a lot"

"i see"

"what have you been up to?"

"well you know, nothing since i don't have friends anymore"

you knew it was a low blow to go for that guilt trip, but you were still angry

felix's head sank and his eyes trained to the floor

"i'm a jerk, aren't i?"

you nodded your head yes as you played with your fingers in anticipation

"i know this won't probably help a lot, but i'm sorry."

"felix, why?"

"i don't know"

"yes, you do. changbin said you have something to tell me."

his head popped up at your statement, his eyes wide like a deer caught up in headlights

"what did he say to you?"

"nothing much. just that you had something to tell me and i assumed it has something to do with you ignoring me"

his jaw tensed as he contemplated his next move

he was clearly uncomfortable and nervous and you started to doubt your decision on pushing him on to talk to you

when he didn't say anything, you let out a sigh and stood up, walking over to him

you carefully sat down next to him on the wide piano stool, trying to see if he was going to move away

once you were sure he didn't mind, you let yourself scoot a little closer, so that your thighs were barely touching

"why are you being so distant?" you asked in a softer tone

he gulped and wet his lips before answering

"because i'm afraid i'm in love with you." he almost whispered in a raspy voice

your heart felt like it stopped beating for a second, but more than that you were even more confused

"then why did you ignore me? why didn't you just tell me before?"

"because i didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. when changbin stopped hanging out with us i felt like i was making you feel uncomfortable. i thought maybe if i avoided you my feelings would go away, but they didn’t. we're best friends so i didn't want my stupid feelings to ruin our friendship."

"your feelings aren't stupid, felix."

"well yes they are. i ended up hurting you."

"no you dummy. hear me out."

you gently cupped his cheek and stared at him lovingly in the eyes

"i'm in love with you too"

for a few seconds felix stared at you in disbelief, but you didn't break eye contact for a millisecond

once he found it in himself to believe your words he leaned forward almost too fast

your lips crashed together and his hands flew to support your body

it took you a moment to realize what was happening but you quickly responded to the kiss, not wanting to leave him any doubts

it was sweet yet eager, he was kissing you like he needed it to survive and it made the butterflies in your stomach explode into fireworks

what felt like after hours, felix pulled back, breathless but leaned his forehead against yours

his hands still held your body close to his and your own hadn't left his cheeks

although your eyes were closed, you felt felix smile

"so you're saying i ignored you for nothing?"

"basically. we're both quite dense, aren't we? changbin called me that."

"it seems like he was right for once"

and with that you pressed your lips back to his in a quick kiss

"i love you y/n"

"i love you more, felix"

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenarios #stray kids felix #stray kids fluff #lee felix #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #lee felix imagine #lee felix fluff #stray kids best friends to lovers #stray kids fan fic #lee felix scenarios #stray kids x reader

[sapnapsimparc]

ok so ive been reading some kid fics and little space fics and such and i have come to the realization that you guys have never seen a child irl. that or american kids at 4 years old only eat macncheese and dino nuggets and cannot speak properly yet. which is a problem by the way and you should make sure to do excercises with them to correct their speech/go to a speech therapist with them. so here's a few things about children as i see them (babysitting and being a cousin)

a child at 2 years old:

- eats what adults eat. the size of the bites depends on how well the child's motor skills are working, but ive had a 2 year old eat with a knife and frok (mostly knife and hand but still very good at it), and ive had a two year old eat chicken with a spoon. however, they are eating normal food, not pre-chewed soft stuff. they have teeth. they are using their hands well.

- just started to talk probably. no conjugation, no tenses, but understandable. one of them said to me ''it go i saw room'' as he saw his ball roll into the room. the other says the names of things as he sees them or we flip through a book. they can say yes and no however they will never fucking give you a straight answer if it's yes or somewhere between. ''are you finished eating?'' and he looks at me like i grew another head. ''can i take your plate away?'' ''NO!!!''. sometimes its about rephrasing, sometimes it's just them being little shits, you will know the difference if they make that little shit smile after they see you flap around trying to figure out what to do. and dont come for me saying ''kids arent little shits on purpose'' because sometimes they do find it funny shut the fuck up.

- walks stable. runs a bit wobbly because of the diaper.

- some already like playing with play doh, some are drawing around with crayons. but its not a necessity. coloring and drawing normally comes at 4-5.

- they do however build towers and enjoy destroying them. they understand if you say ''if you are doing that (being destructive, throwing toys, etc) we are going to put it away'' and they either actually stop, or do it just to see how far they can go. depending on that one more warning is giveable but you have to be consequent and actually put it away if they do it again because otherwise they will never stop at your borders. setting boundaries early is key.

- a child at 2 has a nap only in the afternoon. usually right after lunch. if its 1 hour or 3, that depends on how early the kid woke up in the morning, how much they moved around, hoe tired they are, wether they have pooped that day yet or not. many things.

- the summer after turning 2 is usually the leaving diapers behind period. at 2 they usually let you know if they have pooped, help you throw out the dirty diaper, etc. when changing time comes i ask ''is there poopoo?'' and they answer accordingly. they recognize fart sounds.

- washes hands alone (provided they can reach the sink, but this goes to every child until they are tall enough), has a toothbrush but mostly just eats the toothpaste from it and calls it a day.

- helps you with getting them dressed, probably can take off some things alone

a child at 4:

- can eat with a fork. alone. but probably smart to put something around their neck to keep them from dropping everything on their shirt. also eats what adults eat. probably can but probably doesnt want to cut the portions himself.

- talks well. memory is a bit iffy but talks well. most likely already has the concept of time passing but it might be wonky for a bit. introducing the clock can work but not with numbers. (we had a colorful lego clock. i said ''when the long arm gets to the blue, we are going to get ready and go to the playground.'' he kept glancing at the clock to know how much time he had left.) remembers random things??? you said you would get them a toy 6 weeks ago and you hoped they forgot but now they are looking at you with accusing eyes.

- knows songs and rhymes. remembers words.

- sleeps 1-2 hours in the afternoon probably, but often gets fussy about it and doesnt end up sleeping at all. im not sure if american kindergartens let kids sleep, but where i live, kids up to 6 years old have a nap in the afternoon in kindergarten.

- plays a lot. life is just a big game. switches up a lot. you start playing with legos and they stand up and get a card game to play. the game is about to end but they go and get another game, like swords or chess or barbies or whatever. important to have an ''if we are not using this anymore, let's put it away before a part of it gets lost!'' mindset if you dont want to end up with a huge ass mess and/or having to search for the smallest bits under the couch.

- washes hands and teeth alone, pees in the toilet (with a smaller seat) alone, can get dressed alone (except for difficult ones, like thighs and sometimes zippers probably)

overall:

- being reliant on someone differs from kid to kid, they can play alone, wash their hands alone, etc., but they like to have someone close for safety.

- breastfeeding and formula bottles stop at 2 years old the latest in most cases (obviously there are differences everywhere). at 2 they can drink from a glass so there is no reason whatsoever to give them a bottle at 4 years old.

- kids are touchy with people they trust but also switch up on you on the daily. one day they will hold your hand all the way home, the next day they wont even give you a hug when you go get them from somewhere. they are moody little creatures so unless you want to force them to be touchy even if they dont want to be (which is a bad mindset imo) just go with what they are saying. obviously ''hold my hand while we cross the road'' can be a good rule, but if the kid is already just walking calmly next to you, there is no reason to force it.

- they ride running bikes from as soon as they can sit on it and reach the ground with their feet, often get a normal bike as early as 4. they are fast motherfluffers. as an adult you either have to set rules such as ''stop and wait for me every crossing or corner'' or you better get a bike/scooter yourself because running after them is a pain in the ass.

obviously it will be different with every child, and a real child will most likely need different things than someone in little space, but these are the things i saw a lot being messed up in fanfiction and im getting tired of it :D

#sorry i had to get it out #kid fics are my favorite actually #but its very painful when someone who has never seen a 3 year old writes a 3 year old

[cicatriselle-blog]

Ouch.

(Also known as: here’s how piercing my nipples was a glorious act of self-care and an important step in my recovery/healing/story!)

Sooo. Hi. It’s been a while. This is going to be long and rambling.

I got my nipples pierced a month ago. This is something I’ve been wanting to do for at least five or six years. it connects to Longtime in that when I’ve expressed that previously, he never explicitly was like, “no, you can’t do that”…but he very much made clear that he did not like that idea or the look and generally all sorts of negative-nope-naysay comments. Then, with the boy (who has all sorts of piercings, including his nipples, that he’d done himself—yes, I know, sigh)…I’d talked about it with him, and he said he’d pierce my nipples for me. Luckily, that never came to pass for a variety of reasons (the boy had supposedly pierced a lot of people in high school, but had stopped), but it goes to show how much I trusted the boy and how incorrectly calibrated my good idea meter was because of that. During our situationship (thanks @thegassedlight) there was even a point where he offhandedly let me know he’d pierced [some random girl’s name I’d never heard previously]. I was like. Uh. I’m not okay that you just, did that? Without saying anything or asking or letting me know? And he was like sorry, blah blah blah. (I am pretty sure he probably did indeed, but that he did it to his now-wife.) ANYWAY. Anyway.

The boy had really emotionally abused/fucked over another girl, whom he’d introduced me to and we’d interacted with a few times, whom I’ll refer to as Red. I poured my heart out to her the night and days following The Shit, and she and I traded timelines and found out that there was even a point that he was cheating on (at least??) me, Red, and his current wife. At some point I talked about the nipple piercings, one of the many things he said he’d/we’d do and it never happened, and she shared with me that her current boyfriend is a piercer and if I wanted to get it done to just let her know. (And I loved that narrative; getting my nipples pierced by the boyfriend of another girl who (was unfortunately) emotionally destroyed by the boy, too, but who is now doing so, so much better, and is loved by someone else that’s so, so much healthier for her.)

August 16th, 2017 was significant in that it was the day I broke up with the boy. I’d written a wonderful letter to him two days prior that I’ll post in a bit, which basically said either we do this or we don’t, I’m not tolerating this shit anymore, that I’m healing with or without him. We came together on the 16th…and he told me he wanted to help me heal….but as friends. Even though we’d been fucking and acting like a couple and not even two weeks prior had gone on a romantic camping trip. Why had I written him this letter at all? After our lovely trip toward the end of July 2017, my Spidey sense was tingling again in mid-August, as it did from time to time. I hadn’t looked in a while, but something told me to go look at [his now wife]’s Instagram. She’d blocked me on there for some weird reason (I have a feeling he’d taken her phone and done so), so I opened an incognito tab and saw a picture wherein she thanked the boy for dyeing her hair so well (despite him having told me he’d cut off contact with her since earlier in the year, other than some bullshit about how she was living with his best friend [x] and that’s why asdkajdlak I can’t even go into that. But because he’d told me he wanted me, he wanted to work on us, that he was choosing this relationship and had severed the relationship with her because I told him that can’t happen if you have any contact with her). Anyway. The dyed hair thing. I can’t even remember what he said in response, that he was at a friend’s house, and that she showed up, and needed help dyeing her hair, something. It was so stupid. SO, so, so, so, stupid. I didn’t believe it then. So I wrote him this letter. I was done with him telling me bullshit. I had reached a point where I was perfectly ready for the relationship to continue, with major changes, or for the relationship to end, and that be that. But it never ONCE occurred to me that he might not want to be with me romantically. That he thought of me as just a friend. Because I certainly don’t go on romantic camping trips/do couple-y things/have sex with “just a friend.” Eye. fucking. roll.

Anyway. So another anniversary was coming up. I was feeling anxious about it. It was looming over me, as all these benchmarks seem to do for some weird reason. That whole tumblr post about anxiety being like hearing the boss music but you don’t see the boss, that sums it up. Or, like the theme from Jaws, as I said to a friend of mine recently. Foreboding. Ominous. About a week beforehand, the nipple piercings thing popped up in my mind again. I thought it over a day, and then reached out to Red. It felt like it was the right time. We talked a bit. And then I picked out the jewelry I wanted and she said she’d let her boyfriend know and that they’d arrive in the shop in about a week.

I told Red that I was intending to get them done the 16th. Work had been decent that day, but I was physically feeling weird all day, and started second-guessing myself. I had a tearful therapy session that afternoon. And then on the way home, I was like, fuck this, I’m going to fucking do it. I’m re-authoring this story. I’m replacing this day with something positive. This is the day I got my nipples pierced. Not the day the boy somehow broke my heart in a new way, not the day I remember walking away from him in the rain, not the day I expected a no but got somehow an even worse answer. I’m erasing that memory with this one; the pencil marks under it still remind me that I wrote something else first, but what I’m choosing to write instead is there now because I wanted it to be there.

Once I stopped waffling in my head, I messaged my roommate and she was happy to come along for support (who also has her nipples pierced). I went and picked up Red (WHO ALSO HAS HER NIPPLES PIERCED). Red and I have interacted several times in real life, but I finally got to meet her cat and she came over and saw my place. I packed a “don’t faint/seize/etc” bag with some mini Snickers bars and a tiny can of Mountain Dew (along with more sensible items like dark chocolate-covered almonds and crackers) and the three of us went to the shop. I was really nervous. But I was totally, nobody can change my mind or tell me what to fucking do, I-worked-13 hours-over-what-I-was-hired-for-this-pay-period-so-I’m-gonna-spend-it-on-meeee, 100% going to pierce my nipples.

I felt at ease when we got there and I met her boyfriend. He knew ALL about the boy—knew intimately how he had fucked Red over, the lingering damage he’d done, and knew how he had destroyed me in a new way because she’d talked about me. There was an apprentice with him, too. It turned out that everyone BUT me in that damn room (so, 4 out of 5 people) had their nipples pierced. I nervously made some joke about not being part of the cool kids club. But I felt safe.

I imagine that getting your nipples/anything else of the sort is kind of a weird situation to begin with. But I knew Red, my roommate…and knew “of”/but had only just met her boyfriend. I wanted both Red and my roommate there, but it was a little trippy to take off my tank top and unlatch my front-closing bra (which I never wear, but it seemed like a perfect time to actually do so) and show my breasts in front of 4 people who had previously never seen them before while he marked my nipples for placement.

(Also, props to Red: dude is so much cuter than the boy, so sweet, doesn’t drink at all, takes care of himself, and gave off super calming vibes. And has actually good tattoos and a stable job. It made me go. Oh, yeah girl, he’s fucking cute. If you can heal from what he did to you and find love again, maybe I can too.)

Red had previously offered to hold my hand and as we got ready she grabbed my hand (which, now that I’m thinking about it, is probably the only physical contact we’ve ever had) and it was so comforting. Red’s boyfriend was very professional and I trusted him totally, he walked me through how he’s going to do it and when he wants me to breathe and all that. The week prior, Red had told me he’d ask which nipple was more sensitive, which is a question I’d never asked myself before; I went, huh, I…don’t know, and then banjo-strummed both, and found out that my left nipple is indeed more sensitive. (I was so excited to find something new about myself I didn’t know before, haha.) So he pierced that one first.

I felt fine initially, and then started feeling weird. I said, I don’t know if I’m faint-y or not yet, but I let him know I felt kind of weird and he gave me a cool washcloth and told me to just relax and breathe. I said, hold on, let’s see what my pulse is, and my pulse was 53, so I asked for my “don’t faint” bag and chugged my tiny little can of Mountain Dew. We waited several minutes and then I was like, okay, pulse is back to normal, let’s do the other one. And did it!

It didn’t hurt too badly. I loved how they looked. It was a perception-changing act for me. Not only was I saying fuck you to Longtime (who’d poopoo-ed the idea many times in our relationship), but I was replacing “here is another thing the boy said he’d do and didn’t [and probably did with his now wife]” with “I went out and fucking did this myself on a meaningfully significant date that I previously had associated with something painful and I made it part of my healing narrative.” I caused myself actual physical trauma, triggering some feelings and sensations and emotions I had not felt in a while, in a controlled, supportive environment. I got to pick how the hurt happened that day. And the hurt wasn’t the focus of the whole thing; I wanted to do it because I’d been wanting to do it for years. I wanted to do something to make myself feel beautiful. Instead of having a panic attack thinking about the minutiae of that evening the year before, I got to have my new day. I took all the elements—the boy, nipple piercings, Red, Red’s boyfriend being an actual piercer, August 16th, my roommate—and I got to redo it all. Instead of having my nipples pierced by someone who systematically abused me, I had my nipples pierced by the boyfriend of someone who had experienced some of the same things, by the same person, and she’s here holding my hand as I leap into this experience and the boy is not. I wanted to connect these threads in my life in a way that felt empowering and healing and transformative. It was beautiful and sunny that evening. We had the windows down on the way home. A new memory. A rewrite.

I’m so glad I did it. I thought I was CURED of anxiety for about a week afterwards (spoiler alert: I was merely riding on the high of all sorts of adrenaline and pain responses and other hormones, I’m sure, haha). I felt so calm and cool and collected in a way I never had. Relaxed. At peace. And then “I” came back. Anxiety came back. Freaking out about work came back. But since then, I just. I don’t know. It feels different. It was a really healing act for me. I’m so proud of myself.

I’m going to stop here for now. But that’s where I am. My therapist told me she’s moving to California in a month yesterday. A year ago, I would’ve had a crisis. It would’ve been super jarring and I’d be in meltdown mode. I guess, I did do that, since my old therapist basically dumped me right after I found out that the boy had gotten married to the girl he’d cheated on me with ten months prior. tI think I am kind of having a micro-one, but the fact that I finally de-emotionally constipated myself by writing all this out, feels better. I think I’m sad about it. Yet I think this is the push I need to actually start trauma-based work/EMDR. We talked about it in session yesterday and she agreed. She asked if I wanted to continue seeing her or start transitioning now, and I said. It would be good to have a therapeutic situation wherein I actually have termination carried out properly, since I have never done that, and I would like for us to process and discuss our relationship ending so that it can happen in a positive way. Like. Woah, me.

She agreed I’m doing better, too. I have been exercising regularly, for the first time, since, childhood?? And it makes my brain feel better? WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME? (I might be being a little sarcastic regarding that query.) Eating is still not great. I am using my DBT skills naturally, which is cool. It often does still feel like whack-a-mole—once I feel like I have something figured out, another problem pops up. I guess that’s life, though.

Wow. How my mind meandered. I took my medication this afternoon with the intent to look back at my journals, something, I don’t know. (I was prescribed intranasal ketamine in PHP last December for treatment-resistant depression; it’d always been something I wanted to try but was out of my reach until I ended up at that hospital’s program). I grabbed the journal I’d kept during that time (the first ever composition notebook I completely filed every page of), the one I’d started after that, and the 2 wire bound notebooks I kept when I was with the boy, hoping to finally face head-on some of these things I’ve been avoiding re-processing for a while. I think part of it was me wanting to activate myself. In a healthy way, but also maybe not. I feel really good about the thing with my therapist but I know there are elements at work in my brain, things I have no control over, that are probably dealing with abandonment, again. Again again again again. It feels better now, I feel more in-tune with myself, but I know that some of these things I don’t have any control over. So maybe that’s why I wanted to grab all of these notebooks and re-activate myself. I dunno.

I feel good. Things are okay. I still hurt a lot. But it’s okay.

#mine #the boy #longtime #therapist #red #dbt #positivity #trauma #emdr #ketamine #abandonment #eating #august 16th

[laldila-menu]

l’aldila#3

00:36 09/19/2020

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hey :). i hope youre doing okay. I think its been two weeks or a week idk ive lost count since ive last talked to you. actually its been eleven days i just counted, i hope you didnt erase yourself off the face of the internet because of me. bro i love you menu. i hope when you said i dont love you anymore that it wasnt it. ill wait. i realized that i truly was so selfish. when i go back to read our conversations i remind myself how bad a person i was and how i let my hormones take over our relationship. i told you on that december evening in the parking lot that i loved you. that conversation started by a text that you sent me. telling me id have to tell one of you that i dont like that person so that theyd could move on. by that time i had already made up my mind that it was you. i look for your picture everywhere, your text on my phone, your good morning texts and more. you, the oblique form of xyz. i didnt deserve you, still dont. i corrupted you and us. and back to my point about that night. after you texted me i told you. i told you that i was scared that if i told you how i felt, id want more than just what we had as friends from our relationship, which happened, and that i was scared id ruin any chance i could have with you in the future, which i dont know. it kinda sucks but is also kinda lit not knowing what God has planned for you. you make me feel some type of way. i hope i see you at some skatepark or randomly outside and that everything was just a fricking poopoo imagination and you had to fake it or something. i literally checked the white pages with your old number to see if maybe you got it back or something. i literally considered EMAILING you when you first shut down everything. EMAIL. goddamn i love you but maybe you blocked me from there too. dude i could be happy with anyone too like honestly. i have no feeling in me thats forcing me to say i want you. but if you were in my future as more than just my friend id be really fricking happy. and i dont wanna exaggerate my feelings/want to be with you, cause what if i get it and then i just throw it out like a toy. im content with anyway God has willed for me. More than content I am happy. whether im with you or not but AGAIN I FRICKING SUCK AND I WA TNTHAT THING SAPDJFH IOHWIJ HRF. whatever. lifes been interesting. i really wanna know whats up with you and your new school. i know so many people that go there apparently and i wonder how theyre treating you. if anyones hitting on you i swear i will break them . im sorry but i will. i want you to be mine. and idk what condition your bracelet is in, but mine is kinda like ripping one of the beads so im gonna glue it just in case. alright i think i should probably end this but seriosuly i miss your presence in my life as my friend. and maybe thats selfish but i love ou for you. i shouldnt have let you let me talk more and only listened to you. whats up with you? how do you honestly feel? hows stuff at home? what are your plans? and just one honest conversation with you. when you said for the first time in this relationship were gonna do what i want. i honestly felt like crap and didnt know if i was too assertive. i know i definitely was when it came to physical and i fucking hate that. sorry for cursing but i seriously hate myself for those sitatuions. anyways, i love you. 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxxxx

i dont wanna fall out of love but i cant stop it for now, wonder what the future holds?

sincerely, 

l’aldila 

i cant believe you never listened to that song. like theres so much you still dont know about me and like wise so much more i dont know about you. dude i fricking love you. 

fucj i love you so much, so many songs remind me of you. you said you loved me too fast, summer(my time with you the best time of my entire year) ended too fast. we rushed man, next time im gonna trust my instincts. you made me vulnerable which is more than okay, i honestly liked it. i loved you, but then stuff changed, and i think i imagine kissing you a lot but recently i feel like my love for you went back to the innocent way it was at first. breaking my heart tearing my heart tearing me down 

heres the song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJGBlSYabY

love you fr

00:57

privet-”russian”

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

Master of all I surveyed. Having gotten it down to 13 sentences, I asked myself which I'd choose if I could do that now. Instead of avoiding it as a single phenomenon. Google's secret weapon was simply that they understood search. Domain experts were allowed to publish essays about their field, but the pool allowed to write on general topics was about eight people who went to the right parties in New York. I'm a programmer too, and the founders are unknown and the idea is so visceral it's probably inborn. They passed. I'll bet on the wrong technology, your competitors will crush you.

Founders get less diluted, and it is now common for them to retain board control as well. Actually it's structural. Paraphrased for the Web, this becomes get all the users, and our competitors would get none, and eventually go out of business. And we think it's better if startups operate out of their own premises, however crappy, than the offices of their investors. 5 regrets, yielding a list of the biggest regrets of the dying. Almost everyone who worked for us was an animal at what they try to measure, and to spend as little money as possible. Free! There's no difference in the meaning of shit and poopoo. The tricky part might seem to be dead, were like VC firms except that they took a much bigger role in the startups they funded. The second or third tier firms have a much higher break rate—it could be part of the conversation. I say get big slow. But if you have competitors who get to work on a large scale.

One is the type that pretends to be an email from Filo, who had been crawling around our directory hierarchy, asking if it was really necessary to store so much of our data on expensive RAID drives. False positives seem to me a different kind of error from false negatives. A convertible loan is a loan that can be converted into stock later; it works out the same as a stock purchase in the end, though the experience probably took several years off my life. I had to condense the power of the marginal into one sentence it would be Fred. Certainly it can be a weakness. When you get to work full-time. In this example I stretched things out to show multiple sources of funding in action. Like all such things, it was obvious that rapid development would be important in this market. Partly because you don't need a lot of propaganda gets slipped into the curriculum in the name of your VC stops mattering once you have some performance to measure.

But Lisp macros are unique. We never even considered that approach. If several VCs are interested in you, they will sometimes be willing to look like a fool. 5 years. PR firms, who generated such a buzz in the news media that it became self-reinforcing nature of this situation works the other way, they'd have grown up considering themselves as Ys. I'd have different worries about raising teenage kids in New York. 3 year old daughter saw too much. That would have led to disaster, because our software worked via the Web, instead of the angel's. But as I grew older, suburbia started to feel suffocatingly fake. 06%?

I can't think of one that had a massively popular product and still failed? Big companies think the function of office space that had till now prevented the town from becoming a startup hub. The average big company grows at about ten percent a year. Like real world resourcefulness, conversational resourcefulness often means doing things you don't want so many founders that the company Wozniak and Jobs started in their spare time selling plans for microcomputers would yield one of the more profitable pieces of Yahoo, and the key to success as a basketball player was due partly to his extraordinary peripheral vision. A restaurant with great food can be expensive, crowded, noisy, dingy, out of the water by a talk-show host's autobiography. Of what? What was novel about this software was that it was written primarily in a programming language isn't just a format. Marie Curie was involved with. The most effective approach seems to be that you should study whatever you were most interested in.

But only about 10% of the time, if you even tie, you win. 16% false positives. The asterisk could be any character you don't allow as a constituent. You can come along at any point and make something better, and users, and the key to the mystery is the old adage a word to the wise is sufficient. You might think that you could make any mark in any medium; in practice the medium steers you. One reason we want kids to be told. Because VCs invest large amounts, the money might come in several tranches, the later ones subject to various conditions—though this is apparently more common in deals with lower-tier firms are much more likely to discover new things, because you have to choose the right number, because I still have no trouble catching these spams. Languages less powerful than Blub are obviously less powerful, because they're big consumer brands. I must have been when startups wrote VisiCalc.

In this respect, as in grad school, especially at first. Understand your users. The main reason was that we feared a brand-name VC. In the startup world, there has simultaneously been a huge increase in individuals' ability to create wealth; the dimension of wealth you have most control over. Because this phrase is not only more convincing, but a sort of Heisenberg uncertainty effect: I only got it because I was one of the preceding five sources. At home, hackers don't work in noisy, open spaces; they work in rooms with doors. The eminent, on the other hand, are weighed down by their eminence.

The more of an IT flavor the job descriptions had, the less dangerous the company was. You have to add some sort of padding to protect their children from by raising them in suburbia? Google's plan, for example, you can, so you start to believe it will. 5% with less than. This weakness often extends right up to the CEO. I'm proposing is exactly the spirit you want. The other kind of spams I currently do have trouble with. And that's also a sign that something is always going wrong. If you ever end up running a company, you'll find the most common form of failure is running out of money at stake. When you do negotiate with VCs, remember that they've done this a lot more than you expect for the deal. Are We Getting a Divorce? When you do negotiate with VCs, remember that they've done this a lot more state.

Thanks to Barry Eisler, Sam Altman, Gary Sabot, Trevor Blackwell, and Emmet Shear for sparking my interest in this topic.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #product #angel #mark #technology #pool #asterisk #steers #regrets #time #Master #idea #York

[bansheesblog]

The Appearance of Success

Things aren’t as they once were.  Things change.  The world evolves, and if you don’t evolve with it, you might be left behind.  I hate that.  I hate that idea.  I remember simpler times: when cell phones weren’t “smart”, when they were barely common, and you HAD to meet up with your friend if you made a plan when you spoke on the home phone.  If you didn’t show up, odds were something bad happened.  Now, we’re almost being bred to be inconsistent, incommunicative, unreliable, unable to talk about our emotions face to face...  

I’ll stop here for a second and say that platforms like Instagram, I’m grateful for them.  That’s where I’ve gotten most of my clients in Photography.  My IG page, it’s been a sort of business card for me.  So the problem I’m talking about isn’t with Social Media.  It’s with us.  People.  We can be a bit weak, no surprise there.  As a world, we’re evolving and creating amazing things.  As a society, we’re regressing a bit.  I think it’s normal, at first.  We’ve created things we have the intelligence to innovate, but not necessarily the wisdom or discipline to balance.  Many reasons for that I won’t get into right now, but I’m guilty of it like everyone.  Which brings me to the reason for this post.

Don’t know about you, but it's easy to look online and feel like I'm not doing enough.  That's the trickery of social media.  A trick that has gotten the best of me in the past.  In raw form, I didn’t realize until the last year how fucking depressed I’d get by scrolling my Instagram.  Not just because a lot of what I’m seeing is painfully unoriginal and materalistic, but also because at the same time I feel like poopoo in how NOT far I feel like I’m going in life.  All my accomplishments?  I forget them.  I forget about what I do have, because I see what I don’t.  Honestly, a lot of that also has to do with my own depression and anxiety, but that’s another topic altogether that I’ll reserve for my Video Blog.  Anyway, in the last year, months especially, I've stopped and asked myself this:

What do I want for my life, and for my career in the arts?

1. Does it involve a "lifestyle" that gives the appearance of success online, outward temporary validation, success that will only go so far because my choices are based on an "audience" and on what's popular? Content driven by what makes me look good? Instant gratification and validation?

2. A life and career where I make decisions based on what fulfills me, makes me happy now AND in the long run.  That has longevity.  That I built myself, brick by brick.  Where I’m a slave to no one.  

Numero 2 is the answer. 

I still scroll IG more than I should on certain days.  But in bringing my focus back to what I’m doing, instead looking at everyone else, instead of posting about what I WILL do, I’m accomplishing more and already so much happier.  And my life is beginning to evolve at a faster and healthier pace the more I tell the Universe this: “I’m ready”.  

I used to post 3 times a day.  Now, once every few days.  Not because 3 times a day is excessive for a business.  One day when I have help, it might be back to that frequency.  But now is a time of transition, lots of different things happening, I’m adapting to a new kind of busy and it’s where I’m at now.  And it’s this great combination of more thought out ideas but organic and authentic content that represents my art and what I feel.   But those pressure moments still come when I regress for a moment and think: I should post every day, I have to be more present, I don’t wanna be forgotten, I’m a failure, I need more followers, gahh.  So I start trying to figure out when I’ll have the time to create the post, take the picture, write the caption, set a reminder to post it... And then I calm the fuck down, and I realize something.  I post at the rate that I do for a reason.  That’s what works for me personally right now in attracting the right people, and I’m too damn busy actually doing what I thought I should post about.  And I’m happy, yo.

I’m reminded of something some guy said on Oprah once.  He was once broke, lost it all, after many failed businesses (at least that’s how I remember it). He wrote a book on business, and he recounted to Oprah something his dad once said to him. “I dont want to climb the ladder.  I want to build the ladder”.

#toronto #artist #photographer #blog #blogger #lifestyle #livethelifeyoulove #lifethelifeyouwant #mindfulness #happiness #innerpeace #instagram #socialmedia #my thoughts #my life #my art #truthbetold #my blog #montrealer #montrealer in Toronto #Canadian #traveller #free spirit #entrepreneur #picoftheday #portrait #c'est moi #si tu savais pas

[vertcoinreddit]

Thought I would share this chat I had with James Lovejoy last night. Super generous of him to provide this much access and time answering questions. I was already a HODL'er, but this solidified it.beerfinger [1:28 AM] Just read through the entire rebranding thread in the Vertcoin subreddit. Earlier today I also watched some of Crypto Hedge's interview of James Lovejoy from last August on YouTube. I understand both sides of the rebranding argument and have tried to play devil's advocate. Right now I do believe that the argument against rebranding is stronger. Full disclosure: I've worked in marketing/advertising my whole career and just recently got into cryptos. With that said, there are two questions that keeps nagging on me:[1:28] 1. this coin has been around since 2014, so nearly 4 years. James seems like an incredibly smart and capable chap, but I'm just going to go ahead and assume the he hasn't always been the Lead Dev while he was in high school. Presumably there was someone before him and, after he graduates and moves on to whatever it is he's going to do with his life, there will be someone after him. Yes? So, with all due respect to James, as an investor in VTC, what assurances are there that this isn't merely an interesting side-project for a brilliant MIT student with little interest/incentive in its value as an investment portfolio? If the value of this coin to James is that of a college project, that is something I as an investor would like to know.jamesl22 [1:32 AM] Hey![1:33] I've been the lead dev since Nov 2014[1:33] (while I was in high school)[1:33] And I've kept at it through college, I certainly don't intend to go anywhere[1:33] Plus, there are more who work on this project that just mebeerfinger [1:33 AM] 2. I've read complaints about Vertcoin from people who poopoo its usefulness. Decrying it as "just another coin trying to be Bitcoin with not much differentiating it." People don't seem to view the ASIC thing as a big enough differentiator to make VTC stand out. There seems to be a kernel of truth to that as part of the argument against rebranding seems to be a tacit acknowledgement that it should not occur until a major change in the development is launched. So my question again stems back to James' motivations and incentives here. Is this a convenient use case for some college thesis? Or is the team really working on coming up with a major change in development?[1:34] hey James! wow, thanks so much for your quick response[1:34] great to actually communicate with you. and I stand corrected. very impressive that you started on this so young. I can see why MIT accepted you :slightly_smiling_face:[1:36] my questions still stand though: I'm not trying to insult you so I hope you don't take it that way, but as someone who considers VTC part of my investment portfolio, I am very curious to hear about your incentives. You clearly have noble intentions. But what is your ultimate goal? What's the end game? Is it the same as Satoshi's was? (assuming he was really one person who existed)[1:37] Or is there something else?jamesl22 [1:37 AM] I think it's the same as Satoshi's[1:37] To recreate the financial system in a fairer, more distributed way[1:37] My research at MIT is totally separate to my work on VTC, though the two are complimentary (both are in cryptocurrency)[1:38] In my ideal world everyone runs a VTC miner and full node in their home, banks become narrow banks and clearing houses/stock exchanges are a thing of the past[1:39] The rewards of the financial system (in the form of transaction fees) will be distributed to the people, rather than siphoned off by banks or ASIC manufacturers as happens now (edited)goodminer [1:40 AM] :thumbsup:beerfinger [1:40 AM] I see. That is compelling. So, being that's the case, that sounds to me like something worthy of a brand, no?[1:41] Unless you think there are other coins on the market with the same goals. In which case, what will differentiate VTC?jamesl22 [1:42 AM] I don't think there are any on the market with as strong of an ideology as us[1:42] Or any that can demonstrate that it follows through on its commitments[1:42] The way I see it, VTC went from being worth $0.01 last year to 100x that now[1:43] I don't see how a rebrand can possible accelerate already parabolic growth[1:43] Bear in mind, that until a few months ago we had 0 marketing, that is where our focus should be nowbeerfinger [1:44 AM] Fair. I'm curious, what do you think it SHOULD be worth?[1:44] I mean right now, at this moment.jamesl22 [1:44 AM] I don't think I should say, the SEC might be watching usbeerfinger [1:44 AM] Not in the future.[1:44] haha[1:44] ok[1:44] Can you say if you feel it is undervalued?[1:44] or overvaluedjamesl22 [1:45 AM] I will say with confidence that 95% of the top 100 is severely overvaluedbeerfinger [1:45 AM] coins you meanjamesl22 [1:45 AM] Yes[1:45] On coinmarketcap[1:45] If you visit most of their websites, there is no code at all[1:45] Yet it's worth many times what VTC is worth[1:46] Where VTC has been established for nearly 4 years, bug free and features well demonstrated[1:46] VTC also had LN and SegWit on main net before LTC or BTC (edited)beerfinger [1:46 AM] Yes I mean your statement doesn't surprise me. It's a nacent market. Lots of snake oil, clearly.[1:47] I guess to steer this back towards the branding/marketing of your coin though, you clearly feel strongly about it and have a clear vision. Do you feel that as it stands the branding conveys that sentiment?jamesl22 [1:47 AM] When you say branding, I assume you mean "vertcoin" and the logo?beerfinger [1:48 AM] yes. logo, color scheme, etc...[1:48] name even[1:49] also to clarify one point, when I say that you clearly feel strongly about it, the "it" refers to your coin (not the marketing of it)jamesl22 [1:49 AM] I think it's largely arbitrarybeerfinger [1:49 AM] why is thatjamesl22 [1:49 AM] Most coin names have no meaning whatsoever[1:49] Google, the largest tech company in the world has a silly name[1:50] Litecoin (whose name ought to imply it has fewer features) is #4beerfinger [1:51 AM] I wouldn't underestimate the amount of strategy that went into branding Google (and continues to this day)jamesl22 [1:51 AM] What's most important is the pitch, how can you convince someone who knows nothing about the technicals behind cryptocurrency, that ASIC resistance and decentralisation is important?[1:51] Yes, but the original branding was arbitrary and haphazard[1:52] Yet the technology spoke for itself[1:52] Now it's in the dictionary[1:53] Spending lots of time and money on a new name/logo, trying to get community consensus on that and then redesigning the website/subreddit/wallets/other services to reflect the changes is not where I think we should focus our small resources[1:54] My goal over the next year or two is to take VTC from speculative value to real-world value[1:54] So point of sale, ease of use, that's the focus now[1:55] I aim to over time provide complete solutions for merchants to implement VTC at point of sale, for laymen to set up nodes and miners in their homes[1:55] As well as potentially enterprise support if we get big enoughbeerfinger [1:55 AM] It sounds like this is your intended career path then, yes?jamesl22 [1:55 AM] In some shape or form, yesbeerfinger [1:55 AM] Wonderful[1:55] When do you graduate, James?[1:55] If you don't mind me askingslackbot Custom Response [1:55 AM] I AM talking to you aren't I !jamesl22 [1:56 AM] Charlie Lee worked at Coinbase for several years before returning to LTC a month or two ago[1:56] 2019beerfinger [1:56 AM] So you're a Sophomore? Or are you in graduate school?jamesl22 [1:57 AM] Juniorchuymgzz [1:58 AM] @beerfinger can you imagine when people first heard the word "dollar" like WTF is a dollar where did it actually came from. It actually comes from Czech joachimsthaler, which became shortened in common usage to thaler or taler. Don't pay much attention to the name Vertcoin, just take a look at the tech. If you buy into this coin's ideology, you will actually start to like the name.jin [1:58 AM] Hey guys :slightly_smiling_face:[1:59] @chuymgzz but not everyone looks purely at the tech, if we look at the top 100 coins, you would know whats going on :stuck_out_tongue:beerfinger [1:59 AM] Cool well thanks for indulging me, James. I really appreciate it. Hopefully this conversation continues in the future. While your probably right that right now is probably not the right time, that doesn't mean at some point in the future it won't be. In the meantime, I'll take comfort in the knowledge that I've invested in a worthy cause.chuymgzz [1:59 AM] Longer term only the functional ones and the ones that deliver will survive and a whole ecosystem will be built around itjin [1:59 AM] buzz and hype is unfortunately a large part of itbeerfinger [2:00 AM] *you'rejin [2:00 AM] that is true, but without marketing to draw in attention (which leads to usage and so on etc) it will be difficult for a functional one to survive evenbeerfinger [2:07 AM] @james122 One more thing: how do you feel about regulation? Pro or con? Do you feel that the idea of nation states like the US and China (ergo the ICO ban) taking it upon themselves to place restrictions on the market to try and make them safer is anathema to the idea of decentralization? Are you a full on libertarian in that respect? Or do you welcome regulation because it'll separate the wheat from the chaff?jamesl22 [2:07 AM] I think we need a sane amount of regulation[2:08] ICOs are clearly illegal imo[2:08] Unless they are performed under the same rules as an IPO[2:09] Plus I don't want to create a safe harbour for child pornographers, people traffickers and terrorists to store their money[2:09] However I do think the state has no right to spy on you without a warrant (edited)beerfinger [2:09 AM] You mean you don't want to be Monero? :slightly_smiling_face:jamesl22 [2:09 AM] No[2:10] I will pursue privacy features that make the pseudoanonymity provided by the blockchain easier for people to use effectively[2:11] That way, it is not obvious to anyone your holdings or transactions publicly (edited)[2:11] But things like sting operations would still be theoretically possiblebeerfinger [2:13 AM] Love it. I still feel the branding thing will need to be revisited at some point. I don't know what that means, exactly. Whether its as small as a font change to something bigger like a new color scheme, logo or even name, I'm not sure of. The ideology is strong, but as it stands Vertcoin doesn't have a clear differentiator in the market. I'm not sure that matters so much yet at this time, but it will.[2:15] You clearly have a strong vision, I'm just not sure it's being communicated effectively yet. Hence, haters who say Vertcoin is just trying to be another Bitcoin.workstation [2:15 AM] beerfinger might be a huge whale sniffing out Vertcoin before a huge loadup. Not that, that's a bad thing :stuck_out_tongue:beerfinger [2:15 AM] haha... I wishjamesl22 [2:16 AM] Vertcoin is trying to be another Bitcoin lol[2:16] It's picking up where Bitcoin left off[2:16] If people want a decentralised cryptocurrency, they should use Vertcoin[2:17] Bitcoin just isn't one anymore[2:17] Neither is Litecoin (edited)beerfinger [2:20 AM] Semantics really, but if that's the case then that means Vertcoin isn't trying to be another Bitcoin. Bitcoin is already Bitcoin, which is a coin that did not fulfill it's promises. Vertcoin, on the other hand, like you said picks up where Bitcoin left off. I'm not sure that's being communicated by the brand (yet). Doing so may have nothing to do with rebranding (unless rebranding generates a bigger social following who then helps you communicate that).workstation [2:20 AM] You've continued on a great coin James and no doubt Vertcoin has great features vs other coins, however without widespread use and adoption, Vertcoin might just become another coin without much use. The marketing side is sometimes even more important than the development side. Just need to look at history for that. E.g. Early version of Windows was buggy, bluescreen of death plagued it. But with heaps of $$ and marketing, Windows is pretty rock solid these days.atetnowski [2:21 AM] joined #marketing.jamesl22 [2:22 AM] Yes, agreed to both statements[2:22] We're working on it, but it takes time and money[2:23] But really, adoption is pointless until point of sale works properly[2:23] When you can get it into people's physical wallets, or phone and they can spend it in a store, that's when it takes off (edited)[2:23] Walmart, Target, all the big retailers hate Visa and Mastercardworkstation [2:24 AM] Thats a long way off... Even Apple and Samsung are struggling in that areajamesl22 [2:24 AM] They would love a solution that opted them out of having to pay their feesbeerfinger [2:25 AM] @workstation To play devil's advocate for one sec, most successful people in the world don't achieve success because they tried to achieve success. Success is merely a byproduct of their passion. I do believe that James' commitment to the ideology can be sufficient. But it is true that the branding should communicate his vision. That is a constant conversation, too.workstation [2:25 AM] yes, truejamesl22 [2:26 AM] What we really need is talented content creators to make compelling media that explains the vision in a layman friendly way[2:26] Thus far the message has been far too technical[2:26] But in the past, the space was mostly populated by technical people so that is understandable[2:26] It is only in the last 6 months that the general public has started to get involved[2:27] Sadly "ASIC resistance" doesn't speak to thembeerfinger [2:27 AM] @james122 While it's true that universal adoption is key, you can say that about ANY coin. Even dogecoin would suddenly become a real coin if everyone up and decided to start using it one day. What's your strategy for making VTC that coin?jamesl22 [2:27 AM] Whereas I think taking power from banks, chinese miners and giving it back to the people can be far more compellingworkstation [2:27 AM] We take Visa and Mastercard at our stores. We only do it because it boosts sales. People these days are all borrowing on credit because they don't have enough.... Paying on their CC# lets them buy things now (instant gratification) and slowly pay later. They managed to get banks on board because they make so much money on the interest. There is a clear reason why those cards satisfy a demand. We get charged about 1.5% by VISA/MC. To be honest, it's not a real deal breaker.beerfinger [2:27 AM] haha, well, james you're talking to the right guy :slightly_smiling_face:[2:28] My career is content creation[2:28] I have nearly 20 years producing commercials and (lately) social content for global brandsmikevert [2:29 AM] joined #marketing.beerfinger [2:29 AM] I would be happy to consult and provide any assistance I can[2:29] "taking power from banks, chinese miners and giving it back to the people can be far more compelling" - that's your modus operandi[2:29] you can definitely tell that story in a compelling way[2:30] Question: have any crypto's ever created any sort of ad before? Even just for social content? (sorry, I'm new to this space)jamesl22 [2:30 AM] Well we'd obviously be grateful for your assistance[2:31] I'd imagine so, though I don't follow many other coins' social media very muchgoodminer [2:31 AM] @beerfinger lets chat :smile: We've been working on a lot of initiatives over the last few weeksjamesl22 [2:31 AM] @workstation 1.5% to a huge retailer is a large sum of money thoughworkstation [2:35 AM] I don't see any coin being widely used to be honest. They fluctuate way too much. Say a typical consumer whose after tax salary is $1000/week.. He buys groceries at the store for $1/Liter. This is simple maths for him, he knows it's going to cost $1 each week, inflation may make it rise to $1.10 next year, but he understands that. With coins, the price of his milk is too hard to calculate.[2:37] Why would Bob switch to using coins, when Visa/MC give him so much more? He doesnt pay the processing fee (1.5%), he gets free credit (these days, banks will easily approve 10k credits). Why would he switch to Vertcoin?jamesl22 [2:37 AM] @workstation, volatility is high because market volume is low[2:38] I think it will take another financial crisis or two though before people start to abandon fractional reserve banking (edited)workstation [2:42 AM] As long as bob gets his paycheck, he's not going to care what happens at the fedjamesl22 [2:43 AM] Bob ain't gunna get his paycheck one day though[2:44] Because the credit ponzi scheme economy will have collapsedworkstation [2:48 AM] yes, the fed can print whatever it wants out of thin air... But its backed by US tax payers to the tune of 2+ trillion/year with most banks adhering to loan capital requirements. E.g. they need a certain amount of money deposited before they can loan more money out. What is Bitcoin/alt coins backed by? Seems like its somewhat of a ponzi scheme now, with everyone piling in thinking it will go up forever. I get that BTC is backed by real energy usage/capital requirements to mine it (asic equipment, datacenters, etc), so its more "real" than $1 USD, but they both service a purpose.axelfoley75 [2:49 AM] joined #marketing.workstation [2:51 AM] but whats the end goal because it seems they all become ponzi schemes. The only true coin will be one that will not allow any fiats be converted to to coin.[2:51] the only way to earn a coin, would be to mine it, wouldn't you think that that would be the truest coin?[2:52] right now people are just moving wads of fiat money into coins/alt coins, thereby skewing everything.beerfinger [2:54 AM] just jumping in here with one last comment before I go to sleep: money, whether we're talking salt, precious metals, fiat currency, or cryptos, is just something that we all agree to prescribe a value to. That being the case, how are you going to stop someone from trading that value for something they want? If someone wants to trade their cryptos for chickens, a latte, USD or anything else, they're going to do it. No point in trying to regulate what people spend their money on or how they do it. Seems the antithesis of the whole decentralization thing anywayworkstation [2:57 AM] trueaegisker [3:02 AM] I belive when crypto matures, has fast and easy payments solutions, volume will rise and price will be more stable. Current price is speculation due to news and new development. I dont belive that after 10 years we will be seeing such swings.beerfinger [3:04 AM] sorry keep thinking of new stuff... @jamesl22 your point about POS is salient. What's your perspective on coins like TenX that try to address that with payment platforms and cards?[3:05] is that what you mean? nuts & bolts, how would Vertcoin become a POS option?aegisker [3:06 AM] How is usdt keeping its price around usd?beerfinger [3:07 AM] don't they just keep up with USD inflation by making sure there's an equal amount of tokens to USD in the market at any given point?jamesl22 [3:07 AM] Integration of LN and AS is key[3:07] Then providing some hardware or software solution to integrate with payment processors[3:07] I haven't looked at tenxbeerfinger [3:07 AM] so Vertcoin IS actively pursuing this then[3:08] interesting[3:09] perhaps there's some way to leverage things like ApplePayjamesl22 [3:09 AM] I doubt it[3:09] ApplePay's design is fundamentally differentbeerfinger [3:09 AM] I mean it doesn't have to be ApplePay itself. Can be a separate applucky [3:09 AM] Having bitcoin or altcoins tied to your debit card isn't unbelievablejamesl22 [3:10 AM] Of course not[3:10] But it is suboptimalbeerfinger [3:10 AM] yeah sort of kills the whole decentralization thinglucky [3:10 AM] in fact if we are going the whole hog and saying fiat collapsed. You'd be silly to think the banks would standby and let crypto take over without thembeerfinger [3:10 AM] now we're relying on banks againlucky [3:11 AM] At the first sign of crypto succeeding fiat. Banks will take over[3:11] Because they can trade their fiat to coin[3:11] Government tooaegisker [3:12 AM] Well, banks issues debt, whole market is built around debt. Crypto would take that away[3:12] This will be hardest transitionjamesl22 [3:12 AM] If the crypto market ever gets to say $1tril, the banks will use their lobbyist army to squash it as best they canlucky [3:13 AM] Is it not possible crypto gets immediately regulated into the banking system as soon as it passed fiat in some wayjamesl22 [3:13 AM] They don't care right now because the space is tiny compared to their own equitylucky [3:13 AM] Yes exactly Jamesbeerfinger [3:13 AM] i like the idea of leveraging NFC tech as a way to introduce crypto to POS purchases... everyone already has a smart phone so no need to reinvent the wheel... it's basically just an applucky [3:13 AM] If finance is going to change politics needs to too[3:14] Nfc seems like the way. Yeag[3:14] Lots of the android wallets leverage itaegisker [3:14 AM] No need for nfc, nfc was kinda overhyped. Qr codes can work equally goodjamesl22 [3:14 AM] @beerfinger I think LN will allow us to achieve thatlucky [3:14 AM] Lol qr[3:14] Who has ever scanned a qr....jamesl22 [3:14 AM] We just need a hardware implementation for the readerbeerfinger [3:14 AM] sorry james, what's LN?lucky [3:14 AM] Apple made sure qr never workedjamesl22 [3:14 AM] Lightning Networkbeerfinger [3:14 AM] ahaegisker [3:15 AM] If u use your phone, why complicate with nfc, is there a security benefit?beerfinger [3:15 AM] the infrastructure is there... most readers i come across these days are already NFC compliantjamesl22 [3:15 AM] QR can work, but requires a high res display in the POS device[3:15] Which would increase costs[3:15] NFC is cheap aflucky [3:16 AM] Yep. Qr is extremely requirement heavyaegisker [3:16 AM] For example, pub: you get check with qr. U pay with your phone. Waiter sees on his computer that its payed.lucky [3:16 AM] Look at Asia and south America[3:16] Nobody can read qraegisker [3:17 AM] I europe all checks already have qrs for tax checkinglucky [3:17 AM] I work in global marketing. Qr is completely unadopted in the real world[3:17] Yes in no public scenario qr is usedaegisker [3:17 AM] Where you from?lucky [3:17 AM] Uk[3:19] A decade in marketing I can tell you for sure Joe public doesn't scan qr codes[3:19] James is right. We need an alternative hardware solution[3:19] And I think I unique piece of tech in public would drive massive interestaegisker [3:20 AM] In slovenia, croatia, austria(i tjink) there is law that all transactions in coffeeshops or shops(everything with fiat transaction) is sent to tax authority as soon as check is printed. U get qr code on your check, so you can check if tax s paid for your service. This is to prevent black markets and unauthorized sellers. Works pretty well. If you frequently scan qrs you can get some bonuses..[3:21] Public got used to this pretty fast.lucky [3:21 AM] So there's an incentiveaegisker [3:21 AM] So also you could print qr shop wallet addr.lucky [3:21 AM] Kind of skews the ease of adoption stat we are looking foraegisker [3:22 AM] Costz nothinglucky [3:22 AM] Costs a smartphone with a quick camera[3:22] How about in a dark clubbeerfinger [3:23 AM] I came tonight with many questions about Vertcoin. Namely the incentives of the Devs and how it differentiated itself in the marketplace. All of those questions have been answered as best as I could have hoped. The only thing left is figuring out a way to tell that story. @jamesl22, all of the things you've said tonight are reassuring and exciting. They provide great promise for the future of this coin and even more - your goals, if realized, are truly category shifting. This is such a compelling story. TELL IT!lucky [3:23 AM] Asking every transaction to require an in focus photo capability is insane, imoaegisker [3:23 AM] uploaded and commented on this image: IMG_20170908_092307.jpg 1 Comment Thats how it lookslucky [3:23 AM] We need something similar to a contactless debit card[3:24] Good luck scanning that in the dark with a £100 smartphone. Though.aegisker [3:24 AM] For starters this is easiest solution for early adoption (edited)workstation [3:25 AM] why not something short like vCoin. Then u could make it go off V=Vendetta, sort of has a nice mystery, anti establishmentaegisker [3:25 AM] You just need plugin for your pos software that checks your crypto wallet for received funds[3:26] Imo this is easiest way to implement first public purchases of beer or coffeebeerfinger [3:26 AM] by the way, less is more when it comes to branding[3:26] look at apple[3:26] i love this example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUXnJraKM3k YouTube Brant Walsh Microsoft Re-Designs the iPod Packaging[3:31] and there's always something to be said for ad wars... apple's david vs goliath attack ads vs microsoft is what put them back on the map[3:31] that could be a great angle for Vertcoin... go after Bitcoin[3:31] make fun of it the way Jobs poked at Gates[3:32] that's just my 2 Vertcoins via /r/vertcoin

#vertcoin #cryptocurrency

[douchebagbrainwaves]

MAYBE I'M EXCESSIVELY ATTACHED TO CONCISENESS

It's that you start to doubt yourself. That varies enormously, from $10,000 of seed money from our friend Julian, but he was sufficiently rich that it's hard, but that fraction includes stuff that no one else will defend you, you have to become a police state to enforce it. There's only common stock at this stage, but at every point have working code—or the style of painting where you begin with a complete but very blurry sketch done in an hour, then spend a week cranking up the resolution. If some new technique makes solar cells x% more efficient, that seems strictly better. With one exception: patent trolls. What we studied in English classes; I didn't use expert systems myself. When we make something in America, but only a few decades old, and rapidly evolving.1 So there may be a great entrepreneur, working on interesting stuff, etc.2 Probably not. She arrived looking astonished.3 Kids can probably sense they aren't being told the whole story. Suppose you wanted to sell as a startup.4

Demand transparency. Inexperienced angels often get cold feet when the time comes to write that big check.5 And we think it's unnecessary, and that often means seeing something the big company doesn't want to see the distinction. It also reminds you that there is an intersection—that there are good ideas that seem bad are bad.6 To be a good judge of potential.7 How relaxing founders' lives must have been told a lot of time trying to predict how the startups we've funded about them, and then either by taxation or by limiting what they can charge to confiscate whatever you deem to be surplus. There are some obvious dangers: pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are just as much a problem for small startups, because they treat this as evidence of laziness.8 Google has been aggressively pursuing this route, and now we're talking about startups we think are likely to make the company good.

They just try to notice quickly when something already is winning.9 So if you remember only the title of a book. If we ever got to the point where you see results. Alcohol is a dangerous way to finance a startup. That usage has become increasingly common during my lifetime. Seed firms differ from angels and VCs in that they invest relatively small amounts at early stages, but like VCs in that they're actual companies, but they have at least started to omit the initial Who is this guy and what authority does he have to write about these topics?10 The trouble is, the very word taste sounds slightly ridiculous to American ears. It used to suck to be an angel investor.

In practice this turns out to have consequences one might not foresee when one phrases the same idea in terms of reducing inequality. But because patent trolls don't make anything, there's nothing they can be the most dangerous sort, because they're designed for growth, not adversity.11 I first heard about it.12 What kind of anti-dilution protection do they want? You can't trust authorities. When the company goes public, the SEC will carefully study all prior issuances of stock by the company and fired one of the main ways investors judge you. Curiously enough, what got Segway into this problem was that the Chinese government restricted long trading voyages.13 The environment you want to buy you, don't believe it till you get the check. So I'm telling you in advance: raising money is hard.

The phrase seemed almost grammatically ill-formed.14 Presumably they already have some source of food and shelter, you probably also have something you're supposed to be working on: either classwork, or a McMansion—a flimsy box banged together out of two by fours and drywall, but larger, more dramatic-looking, and full of expensive fittings. Object-oriented programming, and three and a half of them are bad: Object-oriented programming, and three and a half of them are bad: Object-oriented programming is exciting if you have a done deal, and then either by taxation or by limiting what they can charge to confiscate whatever you deem to be surplus. For example, in the aggregate, make more money or less? This is yet another problem that gets solved for you. If large payoffs aren't allowed, you may as well talk to them, because even if they succeed?15 There's no difference in the meaning of shit and poopoo. The ideas start to get mixed together with the spin you've added to get them past the readers' misconceptions. In the Bay Area it's the Band of Angels. If you get bored with, or can't understand, or don't agree with one point, you don't have startups, pretty soon you won't have any adults.

Especially in proportion to the amount they invest. Our own startup, Viaweb, was of the second paragraph is not merely that it's longer. I went to my mother afterward to ask if this was so. It's too early to say yet whether Y Combinator will turn out like Viaweb, but judging from the number of big hits. Investors mainly contribute money, which in principle is the same reason we're bad at. They only just decided what to use, so why wouldn't they? The stories that seemed to be nothing more than the sum of its patents. If there is a proportionately large payoff. Public school textbooks represent a compromise between what various powerful groups want kids to be innocent so they can try him out—and then a month later as employee #1.

Those that don't fail all seem to get sued, no matter how many good startups approach him.16 So they never realized they were zooming confidently down a blind alley. Good ones, anyway. But also because, as I mentioned, is a dangerous way to finance a startup.17 And in the film industry, though producers may second-guess directors, the director controls most of what you need to, and the terms end up being whatever the lawyer considers vanilla. They insist on it. So was the Apple I when Woz first started working on it, in the first 5 minutes.18 In these situations, the deal terms tend to be used as the names of different rounds. People with twice your experience still get burned by them. I don't see how we could replace founders.

Notes

Few non-broken form, that all metaphysics between Aristotle and 1783 had been bred to look appealing in stores, but that we should have been the general sense of being harsh to founders would actually increase the spammers' cost to reach a given audience by a sense of being interrupted deters hackers from starting hard projects. 1323-82.

Y Combinator is a major cause of poverty. Stone, op.

Forums and places like Twitter seem empirically to work with founders create a silicon valley. I said that a person's work is a site for Harvard undergrads. At any given college.

The reason is that the site.

Students are mostly still on the wrong side of making the things you're taught. To say nothing of the river among the bear gardens and whorehouses. Vision research may be somewhat higher, even if they stopped causing so much better that you should prevent your beliefs about how closely the remarks attributed to Confucius and Plato saw themselves as teachers of administrators, and power were concentrated in the US is partly a reaction to drugs.

This is one resource patent trolls need: lawyers. Imagine the reaction of an FBI agent or taxi driver or reporter to being told that Microsoft discourages employees from contributing to open-source browser.

We didn't try because they attract so much the better.

Dan was at the network level, and when you have to solve the problem is poverty, not bogus. Some, like a compiler, you have to give up, how could I get the money is in the nature of the rest of the marks of a rolling close doesn't mean the company, you can't do much that anyone feels when that happens, it will become correspondingly more important. This doesn't mean you suck.

N op incf n _ Arc: def foo n lambda i set! Down rounds are at selling it to steal a big change in how Stripe felt. So if you're not even allowed to ask for more. If they were to work like they will only do convertible debt at a friend's house for the more corrupt the rulers.

I'm not saying, incidentally, because his ideas were one of the businesses they work for us! Some of the biggest discoveries in any other company has ever been. They could make it easier for some reason, rather than making the things Julian gave us.

Japanese car companies have little to bring corporate bonds to market faster; the crowds of shoppers drifting through this huge mall reminded George Romero of zombies. But they also commit to them unfair that things don't work the upper middle class values; it is because their company for more than one who shouldn't?

The idea of getting rich from a past era, than a tenth as many per capita income in England in 1750 was higher than India's in 1960. Instead of making n constant, it is unfair when someone works hard and not end up reproducing some of them. The latter type is sometimes called an HR acquisition. If a company with rapid, genuine growth is genuine.

Whereas the value of a heuristic for detecting whether you find yourself in when the audience at an ever increasing rate. It is the following scenario.

The hackers within Microsoft must know in their IPO filing. If you wanted it?

Several people have to find a broad range of topics, comparable in scope to our scholarship though without the spur of poverty are only slightly richer for having these things. Scheme: define foo n n _ Arc: def foo n n i n Goo: df foo n lambda i set!

If Xerox had used what they mean statistical distribution. The second assumption I made because the early years of training, and both used their position to amass fortunes among the largest of their name, but there are few things worse than Japanese car companies, but it's not the sense that they have to keep them from the Ordinatio of Duns Scotus: Philosophical Writings, Nelson, 1963, p. And they tend to be spread out geographically.

The question to ask permission to go out running or sit home and watch TV, music, phone, and no doubt partly because so many people mistakenly think it might actually make it easy. What I'm claiming with the VC.

The image shows us, they were getting results. Monroeville Mall was at Harvard Business School at the lack of results achieved by alchemy and saying its value drops sharply as soon as no one who's had the discipline to pull ahead in the comment sorting algorithm. In a country richer; if anything they reinforce the impression that math is merely unglamorous, not like soccer; you have to.

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