#there's much better analysis from other people who remember the game better but this is just like. a SURFACE level dive into it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

disregardcanon · 28 days

Note

this probably seems like a weird question from your end,but why do fanfic writers care so much about comments? aos already tracks hits and likes, sorry ""kudos"", so why are comments such a big deal to the point that people will stop writing?

okay, so i'm going to take this question very seriously and i promise it's not to make you feel bad. this is a comprehensive explanation of reasons that comments are important for me, both as a writer and as a reader

engagement vs numbers game

seeing trends

buy-in

community building

engagement vs numbers game

let's look quickly at two different fics of mine. this is the kudos count for a fic called Of First Kisses and Burnt Lips

it's old. it's been up on ao3 for almost 11 years now. 258 people liked it enough to leave a kudos, 12 people liked it enough for a bookmark, and it's been clicked on 3,859 times.

i have no clue what almost any of these people on ao3 THINK about it. beyond "huh. sure. i'll kudos that". compare this to its crosspost on ffn, where i got 5 reviews

3/5 mention it being cute. 3/5 give appreciation to me for taking the time to write it. 2/5 praise the writing itself from the attention to detail with grammar to the craft. 1/5 is an "um..." which is hard to decipher but appreciate and 1/5 is a silly reaction, but it's a reaction! look, someone felt a felling reading my thing! that made me giggle!

looking at the stats here from a purely numbers perspective, my fic DID better on ao3. it got a lot more kudos than it ever got faves or reviews on ffn. but those ffn comments are still what i think about when i remember this fic.

sure, a shear number like hits or kudos can be comforting and motivating. i'm definitely not telling you to NOT leave kudos! but the fics that i've come back to, recently, are the ones where i don't have a lot of kudos but i do have a few people who are invested in the stories and leaving comments to tell me

2. seeing trends

lets look at a few of the comments on my fic The Maid of Honor Made Them Do It

so just in these two comments, we see both commenters hone in on the same detail: my choice to include a special christian music playlist that this characters' friends made for her. a few other people in this thread mentioned that same detail, so i know this bit really worked well! it's great feedback that lets me know that a good chunk of readers agree with my characterization here.

these readers zoom in on specific details that they really liked! things that made them laugh, the absurdity of the concept, enjoying reading it, and that they could see it staged, which is a HUGE compliment for a work in a fandom for theater.

i've always had trouble with imaging where characters are in a space, how they're occupying it and moving, and how to use that for characterization purposes. however, i got more than one comment on this fic about how people could see it staged! that means that i'm improving in an area that i've always struggled with. that's huge. it makes me want to keep working on this thing! it makes me feel like what i'm doing here matters, because lots of people are picking up on similar things! they're invested enough to give me a comment! and it makes me want to keep writing for the hatchetfield fandom because some people are invested in my work here. that is BIG! seeing trends in the way that readers experience your story helps a lot with writer buy-in for a project and also for writers self-analysis.

as a commenter: this helps me JUST as much. when i really dig into what i enjoyed about a fic to tell the writer about it, that helps me analyze and articulate the strengths and things i might want to take away from the storytelling, and that makes my writing better too!

3. buy-in

this is a comment on a series that has less than 100 kudos across three fics, but has thoughtful, appreciative comments on each work. it's called Melting Pot

the commenter deleted their ao3 account. they may be one of the people who commented on the next fic, which i posted recently. they might NOT have been! honestly, it doesn't matter that much to me. this person gave me a gentle and nudge about a fic that matters to me and mattered to them at the time, and they were part of the push i needed to get back to it.

from a commenter perspective, i know that hearing a kind word can help someone keep up their motivation to write, even when i can't write in depth comments the way that i like to!

just recently i only had the time to comment "nice update" on a favorite fic of mine called Teeth That Turn. but they know that i come and i read and they know and talk to me by (user)name. because they know i care about this thing they care about! and it's way more fun to do something like this when i know i can chat with the author about theories and thoughts and ideas. and this isn't a "wow aren't i so cool other writers like me! tehehe" bragging thing, it's just evidence for the case of why comments matter?

if i didn't want this to be a two way buy-in, i'd ONLY read published fiction, you know? we're all playing in the sandbox on the playground and i like what they made. they like that i like what they made :) we're scheduling a play date to fight with sticks after school my mom said it's okay!

4. community building

now i know that i just mentioned above here why i like being a commenter and how it helps authors, as well as why i like HAVING commenters as an author. i'm still arguing those things as a lead up to this section, where i have two other points to make about community building here too.

1. you can comment on OTHER comments! if you go through and read to see what other people are saying, you can agree with them. you can add some commentary! sometimes you can make a joke! and i've only ever had fun responses from something like that. authors tend to love that their fics are getting such a response that people are talking to each other about it! like look!!!!!! my thing got you to talk to someone else about it holy shit?!??!

2. commenting on fics in your fandom builds you a good reputation and makes other authors you comment on more likely to read YOUR fic. i'm not going to post any screenshots on this one because it would be embarrassing for everyone involved, but there have been authors that i really admired who gave my stuff a try after i commented on theirs. and they've told me that's why they tried it! like obviously it's not just networking or whatever, but it's really nice to have someone give your stuff a try because you've been enthusiastic and thoughtful about theirs.

and you make friends this way! fandom friends! who want to talk about your blorbos! you get to go on little play dates in cyberspace with cool people who like what you like. you don't ever HAVE to be a writer, of course. if you don't want to throw your hat into the ring or make art or edits or gif sets or anything, that's cool. no one ever has to participate in fandom outside of their comfort zone! but if you want to, you know that you'll feel more welcomed if you have some people in your corner for it, and making friends in a space, screaming about how much you love the characters you love, and remembering that fic authors especially are just fans too will help you feel like you "deserve" to exist in the space. maybe you don't write, but you go here too. you've got a space in the fandom and your comments don't have to be, like, perfect literary essays for authors to appreciate them and get a motivation boost from them still existing and us being able to go back to them and go!!! look!!! i don't suck!!! this person liked what i did so i'm okay! :)

#anons #writing things #ao3 things #the case for commenting

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gabrielsbubblegumbitch · 4 months

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I’m sorry but can you write more stuff about Vox being a gaslighter? I’m actually obsessed with your analysis

Thaaanks I'm obsessed about them too~ 🩵❤️

So, Vox is like the ultimate gaslighter. Manipulation and brainwashing? That's his whole freaking business plan. I mean, come on, the Voxtek slogan is "Trust Us," and somehow, people actually do.

Oh, let's talk about Voxtek - he's the worst, most manipulative boss ever. He's always pulling stuff like withholding essential information for a task someone's supposed to do, then publicly blaming them for screwing up. And he's sneaky about it too, acting all concerned and disappointed instead of just yelling. It makes people feel useless and insecure, so they bust their butts trying to please him and win back their colleagues' respect, never daring to stand up for themselves. Plus, he's a pro at keeping relationships between higher-up managers tense and distrustful by spreading rumors and creating a competitive vibe. And don't get me started on how he's a total hypocrite - Voxtek, like every other company, preaches its values and missions to create this fake sense of safety and purpose, but then he goes and acts against them or lets someone else do so. It leaves people feeling confused and helpless because they can't play the game when the rules keep changing. Let me tell you, Satan might work hard, but Voxtek's HR department works even harder.

And manipulating people on a personal level? Way too easy for him. People who don't know him well enough think he's some kind of genius (bless their hearts), so they give him way too much credibility. It's crucial for him to be seen as competent because that's how he stays in control. That's why he loves to question the competence of his business partners (Not to be that guy, but those numbers don't look great. Are you sure you can handle this? I don't want to waste my money.) or Valentino (Babe, I've got this. We both know you're not great with financial planning.). Thought hardly ever works on Velvette because she's got zero bullshit tolerance.

Now, when it comes to Valentino, Vox has zero remorse about gaslighting him. To him, gaslighting isn't even violence; it's just a way of handling things, all neat and effective. Why bother yelling and arguing when he can just manipulate Val into agreeing with him? It's like what we saw in episode 2. And even when Val has every right to be angry because Vox acted like a jerk, Vox tends to devaluate his emotions (I don't have time to deal with another temper tantrum, Val; You're always so pissy, why can't you just chill?) or tries to make him doubt his own reality (Maybe you'd remember it better if you weren't high all the time.). He hates arguing with Val, but also is unable to admit that he's wrong, so in his mind, undermining Val's ability to call him out on his bad behavior is a way of keeping their relationship healthy. But it's risky because sometimes Val sees through his manipulations, especially when they're about his feelings, and then things get even messier.

I like to think they trust each other when it comes to serious stuff, like protecting each other from outside dangers, but at the same time, it's like Mr. Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss is married to Mr. Manipulate Mansplain Manwhore - you never know if he's being genuinely nice or if he's trying to get you to do something.

#hazbin hotel #vox #voxval #valentino #hazbin vox #valentino hazbin hotel #staticmoth #headcanon #ask #you know i actually work in HR and sometimes i actively think about voxtek as an organization which is weird

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artistic-mathematics · 7 months

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Analysis on Shadowheart, her relationship with "Mother Superior", and Shar

Spoilers for all three acts of BG3 below.

I just had the sudden realization that Viconia sent Shadowheart to retrieve the relic with every intention of letting Shadowheart die alone and as a nobody out of pure jealousy, all the while being thrown around like a ragdoll for fucking fun by the goddess she's devoted everything to because she's been gaslit and manipulated her entire life.

Viconia sent her on a fucking suicide mission (KNOWING that it was a suicide mission) and told her that her memories would be restored after she returned under the impression that Shadowheart was going to die. She knew that she was going directly against what Shar wanted (to convert Shadowheart and puppet her around like a plaything until she became Shar's obedient Chosen) and did it anyway because she considered Shadowheart to be a joke and decided that if Shadowheart was dead, then she would have to be the Chosen.

There's only a few things that Shadowheart knows about herself that aren't total fabrications (not including the fear of wolves, I suppose, though they did gaslight her into being terrified of them). She likes night orchids. She can't swim. She's a cleric of Shar. She has a Sharran wound that hurts sometimes -- and she doesn't really even know why it hurts, just that it hurts. The saddest part about this is that two out of these four things, maybe even three, are things that she most likely learnt via intuition. The only other things she knows? Her suicide mission -- to steal the githyanki relic and return it to Baldur's Gate. And the authority figure in her life (emphasis on authority) -- Viconia Devir, Mother Superior, and the things that she'd had done to put her in place.

Viconia wiped literally everything else from Shadowheart's life except for Shar and herself. Shadowheart has a better idea of who Viconia is than who she herself is, and it only gets worse because Viconia had marked her as "expendable". Meanwhile, Shadowheart is completely unaware, believing that she'll be rewarded greatly upon delivering the relic to Baldur's Gate (she doesn't even know where the House of Grief is, or where she's supposed to deliver the relic to specifically!). Except when Shadowheart does become a Dark Justiciar and shows up to overthrow Viconia, Viconia faces her and calls her a traitor anyway despite knowing that Shadowheart is telling the truth. (Note how Viconia doesn't call out "for Shar!" at the beginning of this battle.)

Everything Shadowheart knows about herself is either shit she was manipulated into believing or things she's figured out on her own. She doesn't remember anyone she was close with -- not her best friend Nocturne or any of the initiates she'd trained with. Meanwhile, it's outright explicitly stated that all of her companions -- both from those still in the House of Grief and those who were sent with her on the relic mission, were never treated this way. People in Shadowheart's past all know Shadowheart better than herself -- at least, they know who she used to be before the events of the nautiloid -- but that's just the problem at hand.

Shadowheart has zero sense of identity. Even at the beginning of the game, with the knowledge of being a Sharran cleric, she's struggling with herself. She very clearly is downright terrible at being a Sharran cleric -- I mean like yeah, she likes deceiving people and playing dirty, but she's horrendous at keeping secrets and worries way too much for people and animals than she cares to admit. Even as going down the Dark Justiciar path, Shadowheart's morals -- the ones that Viconia and Shar both tried to suppress -- stand in the way, especially in the House of Grief. When she's faced with her parents, deep down, she knows that killing them is outright wrong, despite everything that she was taught. If you let her do as she pleases, she makes a comment about just serving blindly, because it's just so much easier to do rather than continue with the mental battle that she's been fighting for years -- and note she doesn't even kill her parents intentionally in this route, and she falls to her knees grieving for these people she doesn't recognize because she understands suddenly, realizes that what it'd all meant, but it's far too late because Shar wipes her memory all over again, and her identity is now officially molded into someone completely unrecognizable.

The worst part about it is that Aylin was right about the "terrible blood price" -- the moment Shadowheart kills Aylin, she will never be free from Shar ever again. At this point, she's doomed to be within Shar's clutches forever, her only fate to end up like The Unclaimed (a story about a Sharran cleric who, as the title suggests, was unclaimed by Shar in death). Shadowheart will never be free from Shar as long as she allows her parents to live, and that is so ridiculously fucking petty from a goddess that already took EVERYTHING from this scared little child in the forest who got roped into Shar's undying animosity.

TLDR: Both Shar and Viconia fucking suck, and I want to fistfight Shar (and win, because genuinely, fuck this bitch.)

#character analysis #shadowheart #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #viconia devir #shar #and this is not to even mention that #she was forced to torture her parents #like what the actual fuck???

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jade-gemstone · 3 months

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Danganronpa Ultimate Categorization

Welcome back to another episode of: Jade is a nerd about something absolutely useless! Today's topic: Talent classification in Danganronpa/Fangans.

In the process of making my own fangan/s, I've created a classification system for the types of talents you can give characters. These classifications are...

Arts: Talents that are involved in the visual arts, performing arts, or fashion. Encompasses performers of all types, any type of visual artist, or anyone involved in fashion. (Ex. Actor, Abstract Artist, Model)

Practical: Talents that focus on a specialized skill or work with your hands. Also includes any talents that are religious or spiritual in nature. (Ex. Mechanical Engineer, Detective, Shrine Maiden)

Academic: Talents that are recognized by how much knowledge or experience a character has in an academic field. Covers most science, literature, math, and research based talents. (Ex. Chemist, Theologian, Archaeologist)

Sports: Talents relating to athletic skill. (Ex. Footballer, Kickboxer, Bowler)

Novelty: Talents given to a person who is special simply by existing. Can also be given to characters who win a contest for their talent. Includes Lucky/Unlucky Students, royalty, and non-human characters. (Ex. Lucky Student, Student, Princess)

This system of classification was based on my experience in the community over about three or four years, seeing many other people's original characters as well as creating my own. I found many fell into these categories. My "perfect" ratio, which my friends and I used as a guideline for making our fangan casts, is 4 arts : 4 practical : 4 academic : 2 sports: 2 novelty. I felt this ratio kept things even and grounded.

A few months ago, I began to wonder if my "perfect" ratio was more of my own creation than an actual pattern I saw. I thought, in the event it was, that I would come up with a mathematically accurate ratio that better represented the talent distribution of Danganronpa and its fan projects. This was my attempt at doing just that.

Data Collection

For this, I tried to collect as varied of a sample as possible. I included the three mainline Danganronpa games and sixteen fangans, ranging from very popular ones to very obscure ones. The fangans sampled for this analysis were...

Danganronpa Another

Super Danganronpa Another 2

Danganronpa Despair Time

Brave Danganronpa Coward's Paradise

Project Eden's Garden

Danganronpa He(art)less Deceit

Danganronpa Hushed Whispers

Danganronpa Muave

Danganronpa Despair's Revival

Danganronpa Re:Birth

Danganronpa Twisted Truths

Danganronpa Survivor's Guilt

Danganronpa Despair's Flame (my fangan! also the one where the talent ratio originated)

Danganronpa Cyberspace

Danganronpa Akeda Amusements

Danganronpa Lost Paradise (my other fangan that isn't released anywhere but I'm counting anyway)

I figured out the talent ratio for each individual game by looking through their casts and sorting them with my classification system. Ultimate ???'s were thrown out if possible (such as in the case of Akeda Amusements, where Hanari was thrown out due to the fangan having seventeen participants) and if not, they were counted as novelty.

Also, shout out to Yuki Maeda and Teruya Ōtori for managing to count for two different data sets despite my best efforts at finagling a way to keep them confined to one.

Observations

The first thing I noticed in looking at the ratios for canon Danganronpa was that Academic ultimates are underrepresented compared to what I initially remembered. It had been a while since I revisited the mainline games, and it was a shock to be reminded of that. I was also reminded, but not quite as shocked by the greater emphasis on practical ultimates.

In fangans, the focus on practical ultimates continues to be heavy, with none having less than two. There was also less focus on sports ultimates, with the majority having only one or two compared to the three that the mainline games had a majority of the time. They also tend to have more academic ultimates.

I think that this could be explained by looking at the types of people who make fangans. The majority of people I know who make fangans have very particular knowledge about certain fields due to experience or heavy research, and more often than not these fields do not include sports. They are more likely to make characters based on their experiences and knowledge that they can then insert into the story to make it seem more authentic.

I also, unsurprisingly, found that my "perfect" ratio was not reflected in many of the fangans I looked at. There was only one besides my own that followed that ratio.

Now, if my "perfect" ratio is not the mathematically perfect ratio, then what is?

According to the data collected for the canon games, this is.

This just so happens to also be the ratio for Trigger Happy Havoc.

According to the data collected from the fangans, this is the perfect ratio.

The only fangan that followed this ratio exactly was Akeda Amusements. V3 also had this distribution.

When considering both mainline and fan made games, the perfect ratio was this.

Ironically, not a single mainline game or fan game followed this ratio.

Out of curiosity, I also calculated the standard deviation for each data set.

Canon Danganronpa has little to no variation, conveying that talent ratios are quite consistent between games. The biggest variation would be in the novelty category, making sense as V3 scaled down the amount of novelty ultimates compared to the other two games.

The fangans are shown to have a much larger variation. Though I can't be surprised by this, as perhaps it is an unfair comparison. The mainline Danganronpa games were written by mostly the same team and had less to sample from, while the fangans have not only a larger sample size in which to deviate, but many different writers that think differently about talent distribution.

Final Thoughts

In putting this all together, I found that my classification system, while not perfect in any sense of the word, has some validity to it. If I wanted to, I could definitely make some improvements to it (especially in distinguishing between certain academic and practical fields from novelty), but as of now it works perfectly fine as an aide in cast creation for me.

My ratio is also not perfect, which was an expected outcome. Really none of the ratios I found are perfect, with none of them representing more than one or two of any mainline or fan made game. While ratios like the ones I found can be good for making sure you have a balanced distribution of talents, they aren't required to make a good cast. Personally, I'll continue using my personal "perfect" ratio as a baseline for any cast I make in the future.

I also had a lot of fun making this, and hope I can find a way to make more posts like this in the future. Thank you for reading this.

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sugar-grigri · 5 months

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I think I remember you making references to Fire Punch in a few analysis post so I assume you've read that one, but have you read Goodbye Eri, and if so do you have any particular thoughts you want to share on it? It might be my favorite, although it's hard to rank Fujimoto's works because there's something different I like about all of them.

Hi Yuta! or is it Fujimoto?

2022, Goodbye Eri is released and I'm in for a huge slap in the face! I've finally got the chance to talk about it, so thank you!

It's hard to come after the war after this one-shot has been the subject of so much analysis, interpretation and criticism. But I think it's a work that's deliberately designed to be a trap, and the first mistake would be to try absolutely hard to determine whether Goodbye Eri is true or false.

Trying to detect the true and the false is futile, not that it's really impossible, but arguments could be several pages long and the theories put forward would remain mere hypotheses because no explicit confirmation is given. Quite simply because this is not the aim of the work, nor a satisfactory way of reading it.

For example, when Yuta's father seems to be getting angry with Eri, we understand from Eri's "And Cut!!!" that it was all a set-up. So, as a good reader, we can only assume that what follows is pure reality. However, the father, now an actor, if he should play his line differently.

As another illustration, when Eri is close to death and Yuta are talking, there are a few hints that they might have a relationship, but this is denied by Yuta himself, in a discussion with Eri's friend.

The film plays with this to such an extent that all sorts of theories are possible. It could just as easily be interpreted as there being only two films (on Yuta's mother and then on Eri's death), two films but in different ways: one about Yuta's mother and a second film about Eri, as a vampire, with the end scene played by Yuta's father and by Eri before her death.

This explains why, even after Eri's death, Yuta continues to film because the film isn't actually finished yet, the editing being there to reverse the scenes played chronologically, to make it look as if Eri was still alive, and so on. ..

As you can see, it all makes sense, and our preference is purely personal because they all work. But I'm not going to play that game, because it only shows me one thing, and that's that the plot surrounding Eri is deliberately obscure.

I've seen a lot of people describe Goodbye Eri as a work about dealing with death - the way we want to remember those we've lost, etc... It's about mourning, symbolically saying goodbye, hence the title. Which is true! But it goes further than that.

Eri's plot is deliberately obscure because the right way to appropriate the work is not through her. She's the character we know least about. Physically alone, we learn that she wore glasses and braces. Mentally, she was more annoying than she seemed in the movie. Eri is a mirage in which we won't find answers, so we have to learn to say goodbye.

The only reliable information given in this OS is that everything is filmed by Yuta's phone. And in reality, you know Yuta better than Eri, so it's him you should turn to...

Hi Yuta!

Yuta is almost never shown in this OS, as he is always filming. And when he is shown accurately, it's when he's inspired by other films by watching them with Eri, in other words, he's continuing to work on his own film by watching others.

Yuta's first film began as a result of his mother's narcissistic desire, as he was celebrating his birthday, discovering his gift, a smartphone, all of which was directly taken over by his mother, who asked him to film her until she died.

By keeping only the good sides of his mother, ignoring all the abusive parts of her, Yuta does not follow his parent's wishes, he does it for himself, showing what he himself wants to retain from his childhood, his story, in order to move forward properly.

But as everything is filmed, it gives the impression that the videos have been passively lined up without any sorting, without any choice. Yuta takes his revenge because he refuses to film his mother until the day she dies, stopping before then, preferring an explosion to conclude his film. It's brutal because it's as if Yuta's tastes, his little touch of fantasy, are suddenly surfacing, while the rest of the film is just as personal, just as him. So when his film is mocked, it's a work so personal that Yuta wants to die.

It's not insignificant that it's Eri who intervenes, whose only certainty was that she loved not only the films but also Yuta's, simply because she saw not only Yuta's mother in this film but also him, whom she considered to be the best character. She wasn't revolted by the ending, because she was aware of Yuta's touch throughout the film. The same ambiguity then resurfaces, we don't know if Eri is in love with Yuta, she corrects him to say that it's these films, the two are so linked, that liking Yuta's films is tantamount to liking the teenager.

Yuta follows Eri's desire to produce a film that is above all personal to him, to the point that when Eri sees her last moments narrated by him, she sees Yuta more than herself, because she is seen through someone else's eyes.

For me, there aren't two or three films, but just one from start to finish. Because you see, we've said goodbye to Eri, we've got out of her tricky story to reflect on Yuta, but we still haven't stepped back enough. Because you know who made the film, and it's not Yuta, it's Fujimoto. So, third stage :

let's salute Fujimoto.

The film we've just seen in this OS deals with a number of overlapping themes, the way in which a loved one is portrayed, the relationship with others, death, creation, but above all, the extent to which a work is personal. Goodbye Eri is a pretext for Fujimoto to show us the extent to which even the cutting is the fruit of reflection, is already a message.

In this OS, all the boxes are in the video format of a smartphone, each moving, static shot depends on Yuta, just as each shot is in the third row, drawn by someone.

People make the mistake, like the first audience of Yuta's film about his mother, of relating to works as linear stories to be trusted, even if they film his mother every day, Yuta's editing is his way of counting a story, it is certainly not the truth in all its neutrality. It's only at the moment of the explosion, which expresses the most of Yuta's personality, that people get upset.

This offbeat, absurd explosion is something that Fujimoto punctuates in his works, yet they are both thought out and personal to him. But they are often mocked as a way of poking fun at his work. What Fujimoto is saying is that the work doesn't become brutally personal for the controversial, offbeat moments, just the way he depicts a scene from life is personal.

People believed this version of the author's mother, otherwise they wouldn't be outraged by this disgraceful way of portraying this nice woman at the end, so in itself, Yuta's film worked. But all this is just a pretext for Fujimoto to point out that he is the author of all his other works, CSM, Fire Punch, Look Back, Just Listen to the Song... They are just like another film made in response to the positive or negative reactions of the others.

Fujimoto likes to trace the common ground between these works, which respond to each other. Each one, placed side by side, is an attempt by Fujimoto to upset his audience a little more, a second or third try.

The mistake is to separate the author's touch from his work, just as we are tempted to focus more on Eri than Yuta. Just as Fujimoto reminds us through this OS, who writes, draws Goodbye Eri. The first part of CSM was turned upside down by the fact that Makima was a demon from the start, abusive to the point of being the antagonist.

A violent and abusive maternal relationship. The design of the mother is also a bit similar. Mentions of the breasts, something that also went down quite a bit and left its mark on a lot of readers because it was so out of sync. The emphasis on cats... A rejected boy. A work focused on female characters.

Goodbye Eri is a work in which Fujimoto makes fun of himself, his works and the things that bring them together. Yes, there will be an explosion if the author so decides. Yes, Eri can live again, be a vampire, if the author so decides, but what's to stop him making his characters die, and then bringing them back to life a few pages later?

The characters' plots are the authors' playgrounds, whether you like it or not. You can't detach works from their authors, or read works as unrelated things because they were written by the same person. Talking about death, life, mourning, love, with a touch of fantasy is what Fujimoto does in each of them.

So if you're lost, remember that what you're reading isn't in the title but in the author.

#goodbye eri #sayonara eri #fujimoto tatsuki #eri #yuta #makima #csm #chainsaw man #fire punch #look back #one shot #analysis #my thoughts #credit to Reddit for the last image @/blackfish171

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buttercupshands · 2 months

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Chapter 419 Analysis or "How to make allies not pawns" a helpful guide from League of Villains (part 2)

This is now a second part of Tomura character analysis.

With chapter 419 being probably our last time seeing Tomura for a while, since we need to learn what happened with Aizawa now is time to remember that not only bad things exist it Tomura's life.

Warning of spoilers to the whole manga to the point of chapter 419! All of the warnings from My Villain Academy side of manga are applicable

So like... mentions of death, killing other people, manipulation, emotional abuse and many more!

This is Part 2 - See here for Part 1 of this depressing mess

With AFO being so sure that he knows better and actually controlled every single part of Tenko's life creating a Symbol of Fear without any redeeming qualities or even hope for saving after he destroys him. There's one thing that AFO still doesn't understand about Tomura and never did - and that's his allies, or the League of Villains that he created.

Even Kurogiri, being a Nomu who's views do not stray from what AFO thought was important didn't exactly understand what did Tomura think about his allies quick to assume that he thought of them as pawns all the was back in the Training Camp arc. With Tomura making game examples to explain the situation, he still didn't think of LoV as just pawns on a desk, like AFO does.

At the time of USJ arc there weren't many people Tomura called this, which could make you wonder how much it was just AFO's plan rather than Tomura's with him never worrying about those other villains yet getting so worked up over losing Nomu not only because he was strong enough to defend him from All-Might, but treating his defeat as something that must be avenged.

And that was long before Stain even entered the picture, the first of three people who greatly affected Tomura's view of his own motives alongside AFO's manipulation of literally everything else.

Tomura was terrified of fighting All-Might seconds before this and yet as this goes on it's becoming more noticeable - Tomura doesn't care for his own fear or worries as long as he's fighting for someone else's good. Not so different from how Izuku is ready to disregard himself for the sake of others, resulting in many injuries and being so close to dying so many times.

It never was a secret that Tomura is highly dependent on others to keep himself from losing confidence, or even will to fight, getting either too anxious to continue without anyone's reassurance.

And while AFO's "help" was mostly given only with some kind of lesson as we saw in "Tomura Shigaraki: Origin", with AFO literally sitting there, saying how Tenko is weak for not killing but showing some restrain instead suffering himself, never actually helping or comforting him. Only offering what he deemed nessesary for his own plan of making Tenko kill those thugs not caring that he's feeling sick from those hands.

But in USJ it's not AFO who's there with Tomura, it's Kurogiri, who was shown to still have some care that Shirakumo had that even Aizawa and Mic couldn't argue that it's similar to how Shirakumo couldn't just leave a kitten in the rain. No matter the responsibility that it would bring with taking a little one in.

A helpless little kitten that didn't get the help it needs from anyone else. Sounds way too familiar.

This never was a direct order from AFO other than he needs to "tend and protect" for Tomura, which can mean anything from just looking out when Tomura's sick, or protect him from any tread like someone trying to kill him.

Not helping him getting over his anxiety to fight or helping him and guiding him to do better as a leader of the League calming him if it got out of control. Which is somewhat opposite to the way AFO deals with Decay and Tomura's temper - letting him destroy anything even the hands that he gave him, just offering new ones when he succeedes and never really caring for his pawns, he can always get new ones.

And surely not asking if Tomura's well the first thing while talking to Heroes.

Which then leads us back to how Tomura never viewed anyone that he chose as pawns calling them his allies, with the word '仲間' which can even be translated as friends in needed context, but usually used as comrade or ally when Tomura says it. And the same thing is usually translated as "friend" when used by Twice.

In any case Tomura never once doubted his allies since he saw them as reliable, even if his first meeting with Toga and Dabi went so wrong that Kurogiri had to stop them from killing each other.

Up to the point of Training Camp AFO describes as him teaching Tomura to be independent which was at that point too far from the truth than he thought. If Tomura begging for AFO to leave with them is any indicator he actually was even less independent after All-Might almost caught them, making him doubt his own worth as a leader. Even if AFO's defeat finally let him think and wonder about himself and his past.

AFO believed that Tomura just knowing how to recruit people would suddenly make him great at using those new "pawns" which was proven wrong by Overhaul no so long after that. Showing how Tomura believed the same thing AFO did as well, fully trusting his judgement of anything including himself, all the while parroting what AFO says without fully understanding what it means.

Only after losing both Magne and Mr. Compress arm does Tomura slowly start making progress in becoming someone more than AFO tells him to do. Even if as we see in part 1 it used Decay as the ground to make it stable since he believed it was his quirk. And yet.

Even if Tomura didn't simply instruct his allies how to choose who to recruit, he never blamed them for it. On the opposite, when Twice was hard on himself after bringing Overhaul to them Tomura just looked at them for the first time without a hand on his face, or even on himself at all, showing how he trusts them as much as he would trust himself and believes that they can do it.

Taking off hands of his family would mean not relying on the conflicting feelings that they bring into the picture, something AFO would very much dissaprove, since he was now like an equal to everyone in LoV instead of being above them. He

And with this instead of making them blindly trust his decisions and following him from fear or adoration like people had been following AFO or Overhaul, he instead was an equal to them both in failure and victory that wasn't even all that guaranteed yet.

Each one of them had their own somewhat selfish goal that just seemed like they were just using each other without any worry being each other's pawns. Or maybe that's just how AFO would see them.

Yet it doesn't explain why did Toga care for Twice's trauma response of not having his mask on, since he already did his part and all that they both needed to do was done. But LoV was never about following orders or giving them, expecting for the pawns to follow without question. It was about a leader of the group that would stand up for his allies while allowing them full freedom, except when they needed to also accept that something is needed to be done for their own sake.

Like following Overhaul for a while all for cutting off his hands leaving him with nothing. Did that sound like something reasonable to do? No! They literally lost their chance at having sushi instead of just living at some abadoned building all the while occasionally searching for money or food, stealing and killing just to survive all while Tomura was just... waiting.

Nothing was really stable at the start of what we call My Villain Academia and yet no one from the LoV left while their state was... bad at the very least. No matter how AFO was teaching Tomura he was still left mostly waiting for something to happen rather than doing something to change the situation himself.

Sure, Tomura now was a famous leader of League of Villains that suddenly needed to be stopped rather that underestimated like before. But that was in the future, now LoV was laying low on funds and slowly Tomura showing his face became the norm, with him usually never wearing hands around LoV.

And with Tomura becoming more and more comfortable around LoV, the LoV itself was becoming more like a place that had one core value that accepted anything else added without anyone wondering about the past of others, like Compress said. Just some selfish people, who still followed their own needs first.

And yet somehow Toga, who joined just because she loved Stain and disliked how life was too hard found her place in the LoV alongside Twice who just needed to be trusted and trust in return. If Tomura only followed what AFO deemed to be the best way to lead no one would actually feel like they're accepted in the LoV as much as they were.

Goal or no goal Tomura succeeded even without having the whole world at the palm of his hands by just never pressing anyone to actually follow him - if they wanted to they could've just left here and there, but since they chose to follow he did what he thought was the obvious best - let his allies do what they wanted.

Which was okay for someone like Toga or Dabi who were either already comfortable by just being allowed to be themselves or being free to plan their own things for their own goals.

But not exactly that for Spinner. Who was instead literally searching for someone to show him what to do, not so different from Tomura, who still only followed whatever 'his Sensei' deemed worthy for him to look into, like letting Kurogiri go find unknown "power" that AFO left along with contact with Doctor.

And while Spinner was not fine with still being hollow even while following Tomura pretending that it's the same thing as following Stain... all it took for him to look differently at how exactly was Tomura thinking was the last real "barrier" that there was - Tomura basically spilling his whole backstory and motivations mostly for LoV to listen to, since Doctor was just testing Tomura's will all according to AFO's plan.

And after that it didn't took too long for Spinner to now follow Tomura, even if it was still not the time to really see the 'warped horizon that was waiting for them'. And yet in times where Tomura still showed some doubt over his decisions - that one old trait of his showing up like it was always at the back of his head not so different from USJ, only thing changing that Tomura got better and better at not letting his emotions control him so easily.

Since the price of that would literally be lifes of his allies.

And neither that or using their emotions to his own benefit was ever in his plans, contrast to AFO manipulating Tomura to do just that. Letting his emotions consume him completely just for his own goal and for his own sake. But as a person who was so familiar with this Tomura still was adamant at NOT allowing something like this to happen to his friends allies.

Effectively creating a bond between all six of them, including Toya that in the end kept them together until the very final arc, with Spinner keeping what Tomura would've thought and with him waking up and calling Machia to get LoV first and foremost Spinner did understand their's leader wishes, as well as Twice's who literally died for his friends.

With all that happening in the War arc the moment AFO returned with both being in control of Tomura's body and just abadoned anything that Tomura would care for like leaving Mr. Compress and Machia behind just to punish him for not getting OFA or not even caring to show any actual respect for Tomura's wishes. Instead showing how little he actually cared for anything but his own good.

But while AFO made so many pawns that he could change like gloves at any given moment, threating them and manipulating them with his power and quirks, Tomura only had 6 allies who stayed after AFO was caught and who were willing to die just to live the life they wanted.

And AFO couldn't give them that.

Even if Decay isn't Tenko's quirk and even if he has so much guilt for killing without it being a little bit justified by it...

LoV still followed him as a person who allowed them to live as they please and so what they want, not some all-powerfull overlord but an ally and a leader who had his flaws and fallings.

#bnha #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #league of villains #bnha manga spoilers #bnha analysis #character analysis #character study #kurogiri #toga himiko #twice #dabi #spinner #mr compress #and All For One can go to hell I won't tag him again #with the Kurogiri part you may notice how I just want to see Kurogiri actually helping Tomura #it's either him or mr. compress now #and yeah the fact that both Twice and Himiko died remembering LoV was painful #AFO calling Tenko weak all the while he himself didn't make any lasting good empression like that on anyone #while Tenko just was like 'yeah my friends need something they'll get it'#insert that one page where he literally just got them sushi first thing after becoming a new MLA commander #how dares AFO call Tenko pitiful if he literally did his best with what he had #all the while AFO just made his life insufferable for him to be angry and hateful #and yes I didn't call them family or friends for the most part since the canon INSISTS that Tomura is saying allies #which is a really neutral way to say friends imo #I'm still thinking about a Tangled crossover with LoV like Tomura literally got his only taste of freedom with LoV by his side #bnha 419 #my villain academia #five years later and it's still the best arc of MHA #an honestly it's more of a ch 418 analysis

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sunny-speaks · 11 months

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Smartass

Characters: Academic Rival! Ren @14dayswithyou x reader

Okay, but I have been an academic rivals to lovers stan for far too long, y’all don’t understand…

So like, this au would totally have redacted still the same as Canon! Redacted, he’d just be like… more open to the MC? And it’d be in an academic setting??? Like he developed some self-esteem solutions and got more confident in being himself, still having subtle mannerisms of character traits you enjoyed… but more him

Like… he went to therapy so he could be better for you before you even knew him, cause you said some bullshit like they were no good looking guys in the world who didn’t have therapy, cause there’s nothing hotter than a mentally stable guy. (i mean, you’re all here because you love a stable guy, right… ;] )

But yeah, now you just know him as that snarky ass, dark-haired with pink tips ‘genius’ in your university ‘psychology in modern media’ class.

Warnings and whatnot: lolol NSFW implications so minors DNI, a decent amount of swearing on my part, I'd say?

Another flawless assignment completed for you. Whoo! It was a nice day to be smart!

To be fair, you had pored over that goddamn presentation for hours before going to sleep, so if you hadn’t done well, you probably would’ve bust a pipe over some unlucky guy’s head.

You grinned seeing the big 95 on your paper. You spent so long detailing the moral complications between the character relationships as you gutted the root problems for each of the character flaws and how that showed in their bonds with others.

Unfortunately, you had the (dis)pleasure of being seated to [REDACTED], the class self-proclaimed genius.

God, you hated him.

You were pretty sure you hated him more because he was so stupidly hot. You could clearly see his chiseled stone abs when he wore those clingy, black compression shirts! And paired with gray fucking sweatpants?

He knew what he was doing… And it was to mess up your game!

I mean, seriously, what was the lecturer doing, seating you next to this second coming of Michelangelo?! It’s almost like she had something personal against you!

(the lecturer was in fact, very for the both of you getting together. You both were smart, maybe you’d find a way to increase [REDACTED]’s grades…)

You never noticed him all that much in the beginning of the year. He brooded in his own corner, never noticed by anyone in those dumb black baggy hoodies.

But the minute he sat next to you, all of a sudden he realized he was hot stuff???

Okay, sure there, bro. He needed to chill out.

All of a sudden, he went from a lonely loser, to some hot genius within like the span of a day.

You didn’t get it.

But to be fair, you didn’t remember telling your good friend Moth how you started having things for hot but smart guys and guys who could actually stand a battle of wits… But that was for [REDACTED] to remember, and you to forget.

He leaned over your shoulder, a lazy smirk gracing his features. “95, not bad, angel.”

Agh! That stupid nickname! It was supposed to be something intimate, something reserved for lovers and such, but he insisted on using it to berate your grades!

He slid his paper over with a big 96 on it. “But not good enough.”

Of course. He had to have known that he was doing an in depth character analysis on the teachers favorite character and played to all the teachers preferences in the character and was spouting self-servient bullshit!

…But his presentation was well done, you had to admit. Normal people wouldn’t notice because you pay an unhealthy amount to any flaws in his looks, but he must’ve studied hard, he had huge eyebags during his presentation…

How would you know it’s because he thought your frustrated face was so cute when you kept thinking of ideas for your presentation that he completely forgot he had to impress the teacher to impress you?

Honestly, [REDACTED] cared more that he was on your mind in any way, even if that was because he acted like a ‘suck-up’ because he was too busy watching you.

“Hope you haven’t forgotten the many times I’ve beaten you academically, [REDACTED]. Or are you losing your memory because you’ve been sitting with a godsend this whole time? Sorry, didn’t mean for my heavenly powers to warp with your memory.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

“Then, you’re sure living up to your title, angel.” He snorted and went back to looking towards the front before muttering something under his breath. “...But your presentation was good, dork.”

In shock at the compliment, you stood there with your mouth open.

He glanced back over at you, “What? Is it so hard to believe that you did well on our midterm presentation?” he huffed to himself in disbelief before a grin made its way to his face. “Sitting there with your mouth open? It’s like you want someone to kiss that dumb look off your face.”

He thought the comment would shake you out of your stupor, make you come back with a feisty comment.

But no, you sat there, thinking about all the implications of that statement. …What if he kissed you? But he has so many piercings… He has a tongue piercing, snakebites, honestly, your mouth would feel like a jewelry store with the amount of silver in it…

But he looked like a fuckboy, would he be good at kissing?

Wait, hold up, no, no, no. Dude, you gotta remember…

He was a loser up until now.

If that’s the way he’d been his whole life, he’s probably never even kis—

And if that realization wasn’t enough for you to drop your jaw, nothing ever would.

[REDACTED] could only stare at you in mild surprise as your mouth opened… even more. He slowly blinked at you, a mock-scandalized look on his face, “What, you really want someone to kiss you that bad? You volunteering to be kissed, angel?”

You immediately let go all thoughts of kissing that gorgeous jerk in favor of heat rising to your face, “Nope. I’m good.”

He pushed and prodded a little more, “What, you never kissed anyone before?” He actually wasn’t quite sure. The early years when he didn’t know how to hack anything and couldn’t follow you were blank spaces in your life to him.

You muttered a curse under your breath and turned away from him without denying his question.

Although you couldn’t see it, his whole face lit up with hope. Oh, he was going to be your first kiss! He couldn’t wait! He internallly coughed at his eagerness.

He had to court you first before the two of you could become anything.

He looked back at your lecturer who had been picking on students who had to read out full paragraphs of their analysis on a TV Show that followed the messy plot of a coming of age, romance drama.

And also, clearly, leaving the two of you alone. He hushedly whispered to you, “Wait, are you serious, angel?”

You grumbled into the palm of your hand before slowly turning to him, “unfortunately… yes. I haven’t kissed anyone yet. But turns out this university is full of jerks and dumbasses…”

You paused. Well, maybe not all jerks and dumbasses. “Guess there’s a couple guys in the music department that are cool.”

Murder flashed through [REDACTED]’s mind thinking of you asking them out before putting on a strained smile, “So where do I fit in, hm?”

“I dunno…” You hadn’t put too much thought towards [REDACTED]. Sure, he was hot. But he was kind of a prick.

But he did respect your gender identity…

And he never went too far, making sure he didn’t cross any lines or boundaries…

And he gave you that academic rival that you’d been search―

…Oh my god.

He was your academic rival.

You loved rivals to lovers… Was this a sign? You got a hot rival, who respects you, your boundaries, your intellect and he was hot?!

Okay, maybe you had dreamed about him on a couple of weird occasions, but dreams don’t mean anything!

Is what you would say if you were in denial.

Oh dear, did you like him?!

You gave him a quick once over, looking at all the piercings on his ears and face as your eyes trailed to his shirt which clung tightly to his skin, all defined abs and muscles on display.

Hold up! Were those body cutouts on his top around his hips that you saw?! Fuck, those were hot…

Your eyes trailed a little bit lower to his pants… and shit, he was packing… There was no way in hell he was allowed to be that big, in height and in… length.

Ugh, your thoughts made you shudder a little. No way you were thirsting over a guy you were just fighting.

…But it wouldn’t be the first time, that’s for sure…

Okay, so maybe you had not-so-subtly eyed your seatmate like he was a piece of meat.

But he enjoyed the attention! He loved you drinking him up like he was just a pretty thing. But he was your pretty thing… Some random girls keep trying to ask him out, but he doesn’t want them. He wants you. But most importantly, he wants you to want him too.

“What, cat got your tongue, sweetheart?” He teased, using something other than angel as a nickname.

“Wh-Whatever, [REDACTED]. Shut up.” You rolled your eyes and took your attention off of him before whispering something under your breath.

“Angel, you gotta speak up.”

You grimaced, “I guess you go into the alright department. Luckily for you, you’re the only one there. You seem to be the only one I know who’s cool enough to handle me around here.”

He blinked, looking at you in subtle reverence, “A whole department for me, angel? Thank you.” He laced it with an edge of sarcasm but internally, he couldn’t have been more happy.

He was the only one there that you tolerated! The only one you liked.

You. Chose. Him.

#yandere x reader #✨ full fic #14 days with you #14dwy ren #ren x reader #ren 14 days with you

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callivich · 4 months

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Just a reminder for anyone new or anyone who has been lurking:

I know it’s difficult coming into a new fandom but everyone in the Gallavich fandom on tumblr is very friendly and kind, so don’t feel nervous - just jump in and say hi.

Make an intro post and check the #gallavichintro tag to find fellow fans!

Like seriously just send a message or reply to a post. We’re here to have fun, the idea of new people is great because it means more engagement.

When I say people are nice, I mean it. I’ve been in so many different fandoms over 20+ years and this is genuinely the kindest group of people I’ve ever encountered online in a fandom space.

Give your blog an icon. People tend to assume that ones without are spam blogs and may block immediately. Here are some great icons you can use with credit: here / here / here

If you’d like a Gallavich banner for your blog, send me a message - I’d be so happy to make you one! I’ve got ones free to use here / here.

Please don’t steal gifs and repost them, here’s a great post explaining why. And another one explaining the gif search function.

Reblog content you enjoy and write in the tags or reply to the post - how much you liked something or if you have other thoughts…..creators love to hear this!

Use the tags. They’re the best way to get your posts noticed if you’re new- #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #ianxmickey any or all of these will work. When you make a post, you should see a little grey box that says something like add tags to help people find your post, just type in there. (You don’t need to use the # symbol. Tumblr automatically does that.)

There are so many brilliant active communities that you can take part in - I’ve done a roundup post here & I will update it with new communities.

If you feel creative? Got for it. Don’t worry about what people think, just share your work. Write that fic or headcanon or meta, draw that art, create that gifset, design that aesthetic piece, share that playlist. Chances are that a lot of people will enjoy your work!

Don’t feel shy about promoting your work either - tag it with #gallavich & the tags mentioned above.

Recommend what you’ve enjoyed! There is no time limit on sharing links to fic, art, headcanons, gifsets, posts of any kind…..reblog/share what you love and keep sharing it. Whether it’s brand new or years old, sharing the work is great idea.

Go back and explore things. Older fics on ao3, gifsets and art from years past, moodboards and headcanons that are years old. None of these things have an expiration date. So reblog them, share them, let people experience them for the first time and allow people to enjoy them for the 2nd/3rd/4th time.

Comment!! It’s such an important thing to do in fandom. Whether it’s on new work or old work, whether you write long comments or just a keyboard smash and emojis - it’s great way to share love to creators, to support/encourage/inspire them and to get involved in fandom. Check out Ian and Mickey’s guide to commenting and other posts about commenting: here // here // here

Share your ideas. Whether it’s headcanons or meta or fics or art, share it. Feel free to explore your ideas. There’s always room for discussion, analysis and creativity.

If you see ask memes or tag games going around, take part! Or even reblog one of these games and tag some people you’d like to get to know better! Don’t feel intimidated, it’s always nice to be tagged.

Keeping reblogging posts. Not just once or twice but again and again. The queue is there for a reason. And each time you do? You’re sharing it with your dash.

Remember, pretty much everyone starts out as a lurker and when it comes to being creative - everyone starts at the beginning. Those writers and artists and creators that you are in awe of? They all started out at square one. Everyone practices and creates over and over again, that’s how it goes. The more you write or draw or create, the better you get. And fandom loves to see it.

Need ideas or inspiration? I’ve got lots and lots of prompts for you!

This is a relatively small-ish fandom but it’s active and there is nothing nicer than new people joining, so don’t hesitate - jump in. It’s so much fun and we’d love you to join us! 💖

If anyone has any tips or encouragement they’d like to share, please reply to this post! 💖

And if you have any questions about using tumblr, send me an ask!

#gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #ian x mickey #calli talks #encouragement post for lurkers #this is a revised and updated version of the post I shared last year

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asingleshampdition · 2 months

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Sympathy for Jin Shirato

In all honesty, I actually feel just as, if not worse for Jin, than I do Chidori; especially in Reload, despite Chidori being the most fleshed out of the Strega three. This character analysis will not include developments from Shadow Cry, as I'm not aware of most of its contents enough to include it. (P.S. There are no visuals because for some reason, Tumblr doesn't want to save with them.) I think the motivations of the three Strega members are very important. All of them came from the same background, as child experiments; and thus, we can draw fair conclusions from them.

Takaya wants to get back at the world for hurting him. He's a man who is very weak-willed, and wishes for death, as long as it means others come along with him. He's adopted this view in which his only purpose in life is to bring everyone down with him: as he's been granted the power to do such (in the form of Hypnos), he's under the impression that his life is meaningless otherwise. This is why he's so unwilling to give up the Dark Hour to SEES; he's unwilling to start over, because in his mind, he's built up meaning for himself. Takaya doesn't really care for anyone; everyone he comes across, to him, is either an asset he can use to achieve his goal (Jin and Chidori), or an obstacle (SEES). As much as I'd like to believe Takaya genuinely did care for Jin and Chidori, I can't see it. At the end of the game, Takaya becomes a cult leader; Strega had always had parallels to such, and cult leaders, like Takaya, don't typically care about their followers. Rather, they see them as tools, to get their way. From my point of view, Takaya is an irredeemable piece of garbage, in the games, and cannot compare to Jin or Chidori in terms of sympathizing potential. As previously stated, I'm not accounting for Shadow Cry in this post, so I don't really know how the pathetic wet cat man is portrayed there. Chidori's motivation is that she, quite literally, has no motivation. She finds no purpose in life, and therefore, doesn't really care what happens either way. In her eyes, dying just means she'll never wake up again, and the end of the Dark Hour? "Cool, more days to live until I inevitably die," is probably what she would've made of it. Either that, or, "oh no, Medea!" Chidori's motivations are so radically different than both Takaya and Jin's motivations, and I believe this is why she was able to break away from such a cynical, nihilistic line of thought, much more easily than the other two. The only reason she followed, and was loyal, to Strega, was because Jin and Takaya were similar to her. Other than that, she held no regard for them, and did not consider them friends. It did not matter, to her, who she followed. If Takaya had been a better guy, maybe with hopes of reform, she probably would've turned out better as well. The only person she really cared about, until Junpei, was herself; as selfish as that sounds. She considers Medea her only true friend, as a representation of how she isolates herself, in order to not be afraid of death. So, where does that leave Jin? I believe Jin, unlike Takaya and Chidori, possesses a trait that neither of the other two have: genuine care for the few people close to him. The reason Jin doesn't want the Dark Hour to disappear is very similar to Takaya's; however, as shown in Reload, this isn't really the case. We have to remember that Takaya, essentially being a cult leader, even before he starts such, is incredibly manipulative and charismatic. Think of Jin as a young, impressionable dude, who is at an incredibly low point in his life; someone who is emotionally vulnerable, someone who can be targeted. The perfect candidate for a potential cult member. Then comes along Takaya: someone who is kind to him. Someone who treats him with dignity, with respect; someone who is there for him when he needs it most. Someone who 'saves' him. Kind of like Chidori, I believe Jin could've fallen for anyone; it didn't have to be for Takaya, it just had to be someone who was kind to him during the darkest time of his life. Unfortunately for him, Takaya does not truly care for him, unlike the vice versa, and whatever kindness Jin experienced from Takaya may or may not have been an act of manipulation. Kind of like how cults usually target young, impressionable, emotionally vulnerable individuals. Jin was manipulated into siding with Takaya; and kind of like a cult member and a cult leader, the member would align with the leader's ideals. Therefore, I do not believe Jin's true reason for standing against the Dark Hour's absence is the same as Takaya's.

This is not to say Jin doesn't have a 'real' reason; unlike Chidori, I believe he does. His statements on 10/31, being: "If the Dark Hour disappears, we might forget everything that happened, won't we? / I'd forget you and Chidori, the things we did together, our time at the facility... All of it." I find this line an incredibly simple way of painting Jin in a sympathetic way; and yet, it's incredibly tactful. Jin values the time he's spent with Takaya and Chidori; he values them. To him, they're like family. They are what SEES is to Makoto/the protagonist: his friends, the only friends he's ever had, and he'd rather die than forget about them. The only problem is that both Takaya and Chidori hold little to no regard for him. I'm somewhat sure he knows this, and yet, he still chooses to view them in such a way; even after Chidori pays virtually no mind to him as a person, and when Takaya separates from him in the final stretch of Tartarus, knowing that Jin would probably die.

This conclusion does raise some questions, though; when Chidori sacrificed herself for Junpei, why didn't Jin say anything? Rather, why didn't he try and stop her? After all, he's mostly silent, and Takaya does most of the talking during the sequence. Strega's philosophy on death is to not fear it, as it is inevitable. Perhaps this is also why Jin does not show sadness when Chidori dies? To Jin, as well as Takaya and Chidori, they've accepted that they will all die someday, because of the suppressants, as well as their Personas. Jin doesn't view Chidori's death as sad, not because he doesn't care for her, but because Strega has already established that death is inevitable for people like them. Another potential reason for Jin supposedly not caring for Chidori's death is the presence of Takaya. As a cult member is to a cult leader, Jin is dependent on Takaya. Since Takaya only views Chidori as a pawn, perhaps Jin would take on Takaya's view on the matter; to Jin, Takaya is wiser than anyone else. I really can't think of any other reasons as to why Jin wouldn't show much emotion during Chidori's death, other than either one: Jin specifically referring to Takaya, and only adding Chidori in as an afterthought, in his quote, or two: bad writing. The first one I doubt, as I feel like Jin would be one of the last people to tell a half-truth (to Takaya, of all people, to boot); especially since his last name is Shirato (white door), referring to how he can't keep his fatass mouth shut when talking about important information with SEES. I don't really think the writers would make such an oversight; adding Jin's sympathetic statement, and then forgetting to make him sympathetic otherwise. Not saying it's not possible; it definitely was, considering the quality of the villains' writing in the older versions of Persona 3. I just find it unlikely. This all just goes to show that Jin could've ended up just like the SEES members, if not to a greater extent than Chidori. He loved the ones he was close to, and he believed in bonds, to some extent. Of course, maybe not in the way SEES does, but the point is that he did; and bonds are the entire premise of the Persona series. Takaya never believed in bonds at all, throughout the entire game; he's too focused on himself, so he's out of the question. Chidori doesn't believe in bonds until Junpei shows up, even with Jin and Takaya in the picture. Jin is the only Strega member who would go as far to die for his found family, the only member who loved his companions from the start.

The more I think about it, the less I really blame Jin for who he became. Like I've mentioned before, you have to think of Jin as a cult member. A cult member who was 'indoctrinated' by Takaya, because he was naive, impressionable, and a lost soul; looking for someone to love him, respect him, stay by his side, and 'save' him. Would you fault a lost soul, someone who is incredibly emotionally vulnerable, as well as naive, for being manipulated into a cult? Sure, you could view Jin as 'stupid' for falling for Takaya, but that's the thing: people who become cult members aren't always stupid. They could be the brightest, most mature person you know; and that's not the point. Cults target people who are lonely; who want love. No matter how bright, mature, talented, well-read you are; at the end of the day, you are not immune to manipulation, if the manipulators pull the right strings. I think that's what's most scary about Jin: his story revolves around how someone so bright, so talented, someone who was one the right track, who more or less had the right mindset about relationships, was thrown off course, because he was also lonely, naive, and lost. It's very similar to many people who join cults; his character, even in Reload, can be written off as just some cynical, Takaya-obsessed bomb maniac, kind of like how a lot of people write cult members off as off-putting, evil, and sadistic. I think Reload did a terrific job at exploring this part of his character, even if it was just a few extra scenes. Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing because he's my favorite character lmao, who knows?

#jin shirato #takaya sakaki #chidori yoshino #persona 3 #p3r #strega #character analysis #AUGH WHY DID JIN HAVE TO DIE AAAAA #I WAS OK WITH HIM DYING IN THE ORIGINAL GAMES BUT THEN THEY GAVE HIM COOL ART AND MADE HIM A GOOD CHARACTER #BRUHHHHHHHHHHHH

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toraawa · 2 months

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Why Serena Can't Hate Yuri (and What May Happen in Duel Links) Part 2

Link to part 1 here.

As I said before, Serena hating Yuri would be very hypocritical, and I hope the analysis part demonstrates that. It's OOC, and I also believe it's OOC for Serena to be cutthroat about forgiveness.

In Arc-V, Serena's first impression of Sora is really bad. She sees him defeat Shun and make him roll down a whole flight of stairs, and she's horrified by it. Sora is one of the worst offenders of Academia's cruelty, right below Yuri himself—his glee in defeating Shun and the hunting game in Xyz mirrors Yuri's own glee for victory and carding others. Sora portrayed exactly what Serena found disgusting about Academia's soldiers.

But in Duel Links, Serena has no problem with him whatsoever, because she understands that he was heavily conditioned like she was and broke out of it... and is also happy to hear that Academia is changing!

I think these two examples are very poignant. Serena despises Academia, but she's not dismissive about the fact that they're trying to be better. It even makes her smile. Yes, Serena, who swore to fight against Academia with everything she had. This shows that Serena isn't against forgiveness at all, as long as you're trying to change for the better. Both Sora and Academia are trying to do that, and she gives due recognition for it. Past actions aren't going to make Serena hate someone forever.

And it's precisely because so many others have extended the same grace to her. She's been given a second chance herself, and understands how valuable it is. It would probably crush Serena to be seen as only evil because of what she did in the past, no matter how much she regrets it and tries to amend her mistakes.

Although, I think Leo is the one person Serena isn't ready to extend much understanding to, just because of how much damage he caused.

Another interesting aspect is how Serena reacts to Sora vs. how she reacts to Yuri in the anime.

When Serena sees Sora again after she's hit by the nerve gas, her immediate reaction is distrust and disdain. She tries to tell him to get away from her. But she doesn't outright deny Sora's claim that he hasn't come to take her back; Serena just questions him further with a lot of skepticism, and when Sora outright says that he's on their side, Serena is surprised (and seems to accept it somewhat). This is another example that Serena doesn't let her judgements remain set in stone. She allows someone who she thought was terrible, like Sora, to explain himself and prove that he's an ally. Serena has broken out of refusing to listen to others like she did in Season 1 with Dennis.

This also implies that Serena doesn't hate Academia's soldiers; rather, she just holds a very intense disdain for them and what they do.

And remember, Sora is pretty much the closest to Yuri in terms of being a reprehensible person. But to refuse hearing Sora out and forgive him (and explicitly be on good terms with him in Duel Links) would be extremely hypocritical of Serena, because so many people have done the same for her. People like Shun, who have every right to hate Serena forever for who she used to be despite her conditioning, but is now on very good terms with her in Duel Links.

And then there is how she reacts to Yuri.

I'll admit, I was always a bit puzzled by this scene, because I expected a lot more hostility from Serena—some demands for Yuri to not mess with her, or to shut up, or something like she did with Sora. Yuri's in control of the Obelisk Force, for crying out loud. He's very obviously a special enforcer who reports directly to Leo, yet all Serena can muster is repeating his words and giving a scowl here and there. Anyone explicitly tied to Academia immediately garners her hostility, yet with Yuri, Serena just seems confused. And surprised at his dragon. I still can't find a good explanation for her behavior here that isn't simply a headcanon.

The most I can think of that isn't just her feeling a connection to him a la Bracelet Girl and Yu-boy magic is that she recognizes him from when they were kids in Yuri's flashback sequence. (Either is technically possible, but I'm trying to not let my bias for this ship affect this analysis LOL.)

I bring this scene up because Serena has a strange lower level of hostility towards Yuri, and because there is a sprite of nerve gas Serena in Duel Links's internal files, which suggests that this scene may be expounded upon when Yuri finally gets added and can talk to her.

This reaction from Serena also ties into when she finally mentions Yuri in Duel Links. And come on, Serena smiles when talking about Yuri. She's aware of his faults, and was targeted by him to be brought back to Academia, but her reaction towards Yuya mentioning him is nowhere near as hostile as when Sora asks about Leo.

In the Japanese version, Serena's line is a bit different; she says Yuri is someone she doesn't know well, but well, he'll come eventually when he feels like it. Either way, she's not fussed about him like she is with Leo. She doesn't express any dislike towards him coming at all.

We can go into all the characterization reasons for why Serena can't hate Yuri, but if this isn't a blatant confirmation of it, then I don't know what is.

At this point, I realize that it sounds like Serena can't hate Yuri but that her forgiveness towards him will be swift. And I want to assure that I definitely do not think that will be the case.

I think Serena's handling of Sora is good insight into how Serena will treat Yuri. In short, Yuri must show regret for his actions and strive to do better. If he does, then I think Serena will outstretch an understanding/friendly hand towards him. She has a very intimate understanding of the conditioning he went through by Leo's hand, after all. But if Yuri doesn't show remorse, I think Serena will be disapproving of him, while also keeping her understanding that this is how both Leo and Zarc made him in her head.

Between the two, I think the first option is a lot more likely.

I could cite the ending of Arc-V, where Yuri has a strange off-screen redemption and shares a smile with Serena in the last episode, but I hesitate to because Duel Links is actively rectifying many of the fans' complaints about the ending. I honestly don't know if they're going to keep that smile or not. I do believe that Yuri's redemption is an integral part of his character arc, however, and that Duel Links will focus a lot on it. Yugo's dialogue with Sora sort of implies this:

In the Japanese version, Yugo says that he doesn't want revenge because they were one until very recently, though it still has the implication that he got to know Yuri in that state.

I also think that with this knowledge that Yugo got to know Yuri, we're going to have additional insight on what pushed Yuri to embrace Zarc completely. Yuri's character depth is very shown and not told, but it's implied that he was desperate to become with his counterparts because he was so tired of being alone. Everything Yuri went through in Academia was enough to sway his #1 hater, in any case. It's likely that these deeper aspects of Yuri may be revealed with Serena as well, as she may be wanting to push for details of his life, but that's speculation.

Yuri's redemption in Duel Links seems eminent, and if he shows the resolve to change for the better and acknowledge his wrongdoings, I'm fairly certain that Serena will view him positively.

Redemption, forgiveness, and acceptance is a central theme in all the Fusion characters' arcs, after all.

#yugioh arc v #duel links #serena arc v #yuri arc v #analysis

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gamerstar111 · 2 months

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Makoto & Nagito’s Survivor’s Guilt

i have many thoughts ab why makoto and nagito would have an interesting dynamic but today i’m thinking abt how their history parallels a little (like a lot of things ab them. they’re foils of each other i cld write an essay about it)

this is just a very long (kind of disorganized) tangent about lucky duo’s traumas and how they shaped their mindsets (and how they might understand each other better than people think at first)

i kind of get nervous anytime i put my analyses out there for people to percieve, but that’s okay. we’re facing fears today. LOL

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i don’t think many people think about how makoto probably understands the survivor’s guilt nagito deals with better than anyone could, because he also has the mentality that he didn’t deserve to survive the things he did, and that his luck had a lot to do with his survival. they cope in very different ways, but at the core of their emotions they both feel that same “i don’t deserve to live” guilt.

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Makoto’s Survivor’s Guilt

makoto doesn’t attribute as much of his trauma (which is the killing games he went through) to his luck, it doesn’t factor into his thinking as much as it does for nagito. junko says it at some point in the anime: makoto’s luck isn’t like nagito’s! he wouldn’t ever be able to utilize it like nagito can, because it isn’t consistent, it comes and goes super randomly. it keeps that mf alive and that’s IT 😭

(/j. it does more for him than that but im not talking ab his luck rn so BACK TO HIS SURVIVOR’S GUILT.)

he leaves the first killing game with this huge unofficial responsibility. he lost 10 of his classmates and it’s said that he was able to get his memories back after leaving, so that means he remembers the two years he spent with them. they were his friends :,)

and some of them did more than him to contribute to surviving. i know it’s for comedic effect in the game, but makoto is kind of consistently told by byakuya (and sometimes kyoko & others) that he’s stupid or unhelpful. + he already struggles with feeling like he’s not interesting, memorable, or unique in any kind of way (mr. “i’m average at being average”)

but nevertheless, he survives the games, (after basically convincing his remaining classmates to NOT sacrifice him. a second time.) and when he does get out, he joins the future foundation, where his nickname as the ultimate hope starts to push him to do as much as he can. and because he’s so determined to save as many people as he can, he opposes the foundation’s plan to kill the remnants, and takes them to jabberwock island. he’s so determined to do as much as he can because he feels like if he doesn’t, he’s wasting the life he was given. it’s implied a few times that he would have killed himself if he didn’t feel guilty throwing away the life that was taken from his friends! people don’t talk enough about how makoto is NOT as endlessly optimistic as everyone thinks

he isn’t completely immune to despair. i honestly feel like his main motivation in helping people and spreading hope isn’t that he lives by it, it’s that he has to do as much as he can to to spread it to OTHERS because if he doesn’t, what is he doing with the life he has that his friends were robbed of? i could get into the nuances of makoto’s character and how he isn’t just “hope enthusiast #1” but that’s more fitting of a makoto exclusive character analysis. coming soon/hj

the point of that is that he wouldn’t be alive if he didn’t feel like he had to make something of the fact that his classmates died and he didn’t. that’s what motivates him to try and save everyone, no matter who they are or how terrible they are (him saving the remnants, trying to save junko even though he hated her for what she did, and trying to save the future foundation members in the second game, even though they want him dead)

and when he already has this mentality, he goes through a SECOND killing game, where one of his closest friends (i forget if it’s canon they were dating or not, but you get the point) dies as a DIRECT result of him surviving. and instead of breaking down and giving up, he takes it and becomes more determined to end the game. but his despair video shows that he feels so guilty that he survived, even if he doesn’t ruminate in that feeling.

but nagito is the polar opposite

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Nagito’s Survivor’s Guilt

most of nagito’s character revolves around two things:

His self-loathing

His twisted perception of hope, and his obsession with the concept

putting aside the fact that he has been diagnosed with dementia that definitely warps his perception of reality as it is, when you look into his backstory it makes sense why he thinks the way he does. his childhood pet died in a car crash when he was a little kid, then, when he goes on vacation with his parents (still in elementary school), the plane taking them back is hijacked, and then those hijackers are killed by a meteorite that also kills his parents right in front of him.

he has no other living relatives, so he’s given all of their inheritance, and is said to be free to live on his own. so he’s been alone since he was a kid, and then during middle school, he’s kidnapped by a SERIAL KILLER that held him for ransom, and then let him go after realizing no one was going to come for him. (which is actually so distressing to me like r u kidding me that’s so SAD HE HAD NO ONE WILLING TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HE WAS MISSING?? UGH. ANYWAY.)

any chance at happiness Nagito has had was ripped from him in that cycle of good and bad luck. he starts to become fixated (and eventually, unhealthily obsessed) with the concept of hope, so that he could try and find some meaning to his life beyond killing anyone who'd ever shown him any kindness or cared about him. and then after ALL OF THIS, in high school before hope's peak, he gets diagnosed not only with CANCER, but also DEMENTIA. Which, typically, only affects people over 65!!!! he was probably not older than 16 when he got diagnosed!!!! he's then told that he probably has less than 6 months to live. he tells hajime this whole speech about how he realized all he wanted his entire life was to be loved by someone, and he didn't want to die alone, but then says that he was just quoting something, curious to the sympathy it would get him (i don't really believe that, but THAT is a nagito analysis topic. back on topic again…)

then he gets invited to hope's peak. he tries to refuse, but they insist, and so he finally agrees. but then, during his second year, junko starts to ruin things, and yet ANOTHER person he started to care about is killed right before his eyes (chiaki). of course, then, he goes on to bring as much pain and despair to anyone he can under junko’s brainwashing

he's fully convinced that he's a curse, and that he's not worthy of living.

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"ok….. what’s your point??" you didn’t ask???

the difference between nagito and makoto is that makoto took his grief and made it into motivation, while nagito took his grief as a personal reflection, and spiraled down into a mental decline.

i think the main reasons for this difference is that, first of all, nagito's trauma has been his entire life. since he was a little kid up to even currently (when he's around 21-22), all he's done is cause or witness death anywhere he's gone. watching your childhood pet AND parents die before your eyes has to impact development in some kind of way (not to mention he was entirely alone since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL)

makoto had a very average, but nice life to that point. he had nice parents that were together and happy, his little sister that he's super close to, and while he didn't have any super close friends, he wasn't on particularly bad terms with anyone (as shown by his reaction to seeing sayaka, and sayaka's reaction to knowina him). all of the trauma and death he experienced happened to him when he was an adult (even though he thought he was 16-17 when the first killing game happened, he was most likely 18-19 and junko can erase memory but not alter brain development. so.)

second of all, makoto had support from his friends! he had the other 5 survivors, and then during the second game, he had kyoko and aoi to support him and get him through it. nagito grew up experiencing all of this grief and guilt and trauma entirely alone, even during the killing game he was in. his classmates treat him awfully even before he has his mental break doing incredibly unhinged shit like blowing up the gym (it's so. hard. to defend him sometimes.)

i still haven’t gotten to my point oh my god i talk a lot. BUT THE POINT IS they cope extremely differently, and arguably have different levels of trauma, but they experience the same survivors guilt. both of them feel like they don't deserve to be alive, and that others around them deserve so much better than they do. i really feel like makoto would be able to empathize with nagito's struggles with survivor's guilt and self worth, because he feels the same things! clearly, not to the same extent, but again, that goes back to the support makoto got during his experiences. it's one of the many MANY reasons i think makoto and nagito would be able to help each other heal, instead of being unhealthy like a lot of people say. (of course it depends on when because obviously, servant nagito meeting ff!makoto would not be healthy. that man would skeeve makoto out MASSIVELY but that dynamic is also an interesting one to explore.... ANYWAY.)

nagito's obsession with hope would give him an unhealthy attachment/idolization of makoto at first, but i really do believe that after he recovers a little more from junko's influence, a few days with the guy would make nagito realize that they're way more similar than he thought and that respectfully, makoto isn't as amazing and godly as he thought LOL

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TLDR: they have very similar experiences, the only difference between them is that makoto had support that reminded him he wasn't to blame for the deaths of those around him, while nagito was isolated from EVERYONE from a very, VERY young age, and it led to his mental decline. i really believe they would be able to help each other heal a lot and that's why i love them so much :(

side note: genuinely nothing makes me as sad as nagito and his dog 😞 every time i mention them i get so upset

#nagito komaeda #makoto naegi #komaegi #sdr2 #dr thh #lucky duo #lucky duo tangents #posting dr opinions is so scary #please be nice #cxsmictangents

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stupidsketchpad · 18 days

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hey guys. im here to rant about how 2econd 2ight 2eer (second sight seer) by will wood is secret life bigb's song because god its eerie how similar the song lyrics are to his character. AHEM (also spoilers for secret life)

My grip on my secrets slipping while I'm speaking in tongues

ok. this is a really good start lol. basically bigb's task don't mean much when he does weird shit anyway for fun and, quote from grian, "writes his own tasks"

Screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth

he's saying stuff that litterally makes no sense. even after his task is done he wont tell anyone (confession booth is kinda like people asking about your task after it's done. your confessing your task to someone)

Take it with a pillar of salt, H.A.L.T., it's not my fault

i got nothing man

The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to

THIS LINE AHSHDHSHAH. THE SECRET KEEPER GIVES HIM THE TASKS CAUSE HE HAS TO BUT HE WANTS TO DO THEM ANYWAY ANDDDD MAKE THEM AS CONFUSING AS POSSIBLE. SECRET KEEPER COUNTS AS THE DEVIL HERE

I'm cut from a different kind of meat

More than you can chew, hard to swallow me

"what the hell are you doing??" is a common question he gets asked. hard to swallow. y'know

Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis, call it morbid curiosity

How I cannot commit to reality, when my third eye's open and I like what I see

he's doing shit for the sake of doing shit.

Baby, I may be crazy but I didn't lose it, no I set it free

AAAAA THIS LINE TOOO!!! ok so he didn't just randomly start lying in secret life. it was weird before that too! i cant speak for double but LIMITED LIFE he was also confusing people about being the boogeyman. basically that one meme with the "guy weird about everything but its drowned out by how weird about everything the other people are"

I can't ignore what's under dance floorboards, the rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat

But I still move my feet

To slip out of this groove, I'm free

dont got much here but i think this is just him having fun, yknow

Now to row, row, row my boat over the falls

And maybe wake up from but a dream, yeah

"but a dream" is the games. there are three rows in the line. lose your lives to get the game over with.

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

once again, this wasnt the first time he was being weird!!!

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

say weird shit, refuse to elaborate, leave.

Oh, oh, o-o-oh

If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see

You'd look through illusions, hallucinations, and lucid dream

And I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep

But I got facts and I'm not afraid to use 'em, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front

evo, anyone? anyway this man knows about watchers and doesnt care. he knows! he just doesn't give that any meaning.

Some days I'm glad that I am a madman and I'd rather be that than

An amicable animal, mild-mannered cannibal

red lives and how bigb doesn't have the same bloodlust as they do. this guy doesn't kill much, he's like the most passive on the server. /srs

But I'm more level-headed and clever than ever and I'm getting better one forever at a time

how many people guessed any of bigb's tasks? that's right, zero! (if i remember correctly.) he's getting better at the games (btw the games being referred to as "forevers" is just ahshahdghs)

And if sick is defined by what's different, well then pull the plug out and let me die

not much here

Vice-versa, vice versus virtue

Well who I am I choose through all the things I do

AAAAAAAA HE CHOOSES HOW HE IS PERCEIVED BY THE OTHERS BY SAYING HIS STUFF YA GET WHAT IM SAYING

And if it rhymes, it's true, but I hate poetry

contradicting himself. easy peasy analysis here folks.

Now with my moral compass pointing south, I'm going down

With no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no respect for reality

could say this is going red! but also. "going down?" LIKE A HOLE? HE MADE A HOLE?????

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

same stuff

A tourist passing through

Well that was fun, goodbye

he died. but hey, he had fun!

anyways thats all thank you for listening to me ramble about songs and minecraft i WILL do this again. sorry if this is incoherent i wrote it at 10:00 pm.

psst... moot... @bigb-enthusiast... would you like this?

#life series #trafficblr #secret life #bigbstatz #bigbst4tz2 #secret life bigb #bigb #god why do you have so many tags #stupidsketchrambles

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startrekfangirl2233-writes · 1 year

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Love Has No Limits

Part 2 of You Play Stupid Games, You Win Stupid Prizes

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Reader, Past! Bradley 'Rooster’ Bradshaw x Reader

Description: It's been two months since you broke up with Bradley Bradshaw, two months since you've been on an aircraft carrier. Things with Jake are great; they're better than ever. But you're still terrified to hand him your heart. What will you do when a tense situation on board nearly has you lose him too?

Disclaimer: Female!Reader

Warnings: Cheating, Cursing, Sex, Sexual Themes, Minor mention of non-consensual rough sex, Panic Attack

The content presented in this story is for audiences age 18 and over only. MINORS DNI. I will not be accepting taglist requests from Blank or Ageless Blogs for this story.I do my best to portray adult relationships in this fic. Please do not interact with this story if you feel you are not ready to read about these themes.

Word Count: 6418

A/N: Without further ado, here is the second installment of the You Play Stupid Games, You Win Stupid Prizes Universe. Remember when I said it was going to be short? I lied. We're looking at around 5 or 6 installments right now! All the thanks I have go to @desert-fern who was kind enough to beta read this chapter for me and teach me how to angst!

AO3: Cross-posted here!

My Masterlist

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Aircraft carriers are both bigger and smaller than civilians think. They’re longer than three football fields and can hold four squadrons of planes, their flight and operations crews, their pilots, and all other personnel necessary for carrier function. That’s the big part. The small part is how maze-like the hallways are inside. Some are so narrow that two people can barely walk side by side with an inch of space between them. There are so many decks and ways to reach the same destination.

You still remember your first time on a carrier. It had turned you around so badly that you needed to draw maps to get around. The disorientation had taken three months to get over, and you’d only been on the ship at that time for four months while running an analysis on the ship’s radar software.

Your current time onboard has been completely different. For one, you’d gotten your sea legs much sooner and had easily found your way around the carrier. The second was your team on the carrier. Mara was still a godsend. You loved working closely with her. When the two of you put your heads together, it felt like nothing could stand in your way.

And then there were the pilots testing your work. Mickey was as badass as you'd always been told he was. Immensely smart and a genuine sweetheart to boot. The one person who you couldn't place was Jake Seresin. He was the same as always up in the air - cocky, arrogant, and confident.

It was when he was out of the air and off duty that he was completely different. Jake had been incredibly sweet to you over the past six weeks the four of you had been on the carrier. You would have never expected it of Hangman. You knew he could be nice but sweet? It still amazes you how easy it is to get along with him. A small part of your psyche is still mortified by how you cried in his arms, but the larger part of you really liked how it felt. He felt safe. He felt like you were home.

It's past midnight as you toss and turn in your bunk. Your mind is running around in circles; all you can think of is Jake, Jake, Jake. In actuality, it has only been two months since you broke up with Bradley Bradshaw. While his betrayal still stings, like salt in a wound, in truth, the wound has been healing slowly. Initially, that wound was all you could feel, all your love turning to ash instantly. You’d felt like the aftermath of a forest fire with the gnarled ashy husks of trees stretching into the sky as embers still burned on the ground below. Then you’d finally let yourself cry that night. You’d felt all the embers flicker out under that warm spring rain and felt something new take root.

It’s the something new that’s been consuming you recently. Your heart stutters in its steady cadence when Jake looks at you nowadays. You get lost gazing into his green eyes, your normally quick brain grinding to a halt when faced with the power of his gaze. You’d thought falling in love with Bradley Bradshaw and its aftermath were the most intense emotions you’d ever felt. You’re starting to think you were wrong. You’re not shy. 90% of the time, you’d argue that you’re the opposite. But occasionally, Jake will sit down next to you, say something witty, flash that megawatt grin, and take your breath away. Every time that happens, you feel like a recalcitrant computer, needing to force-reboot your brain before it gets stuck on his dimples, eyes, or the toothpick in his mouth.

The worst part is how you used to pride yourself on your professionalism. With Jake Seresin, that professionalism had been stripped away as you poured out your heart and soul, showing him your weakness. And you’re constantly feeling wrong-footed. It’s an undercurrent to each interaction you’ve had with him, and you’re unsure if you want more with him. Can you take things slow? Your bruised heart might be screaming, “NO!”, at the top of its lungs, but your head is chanting, “YES!”, back just as adamantly.

It’s as quiet as it can be on an aircraft carrier. The creaking of your bunk, the steadfast rocking of the boat, and the snuffling sounds of people asleep around you are all you can hear. And then you hear the wheezing groan of the bunk above you as Mara climbs down. Her voice is sleep mussed as she leans over and slips on her shoes.

“Y’can’t sleep, can you? I’m gonna go switch out with one of the boys. Your tossing and turning are keeping me awake.”

“‘M sorry for keeping you awake, Mar. I haven’t been sleeping well. I hope the boys don’t get too angry at you for disturbing them.”

“Mickey might. But Jake? I don’t think he’ll object if I tell him it’s for you.”

And as the metal door clangs shut softly behind her, you’re left alone with your thoughts again. Obviously, you're not great at hiding how your thoughts turn to static in his presence. But despite what Mara has been telling you for months and Mickey for the past couple of weeks, you still can’t believe that Jake Seresin could ever harbor a soft spot for you. You’re rapidly eclipsing a singular soft spot for him, yourself. You can feel your resolve waver and become a pool of goop nearly daily. You’re not sure it’s safe to expose your heart again. Not really. But god, do you want to try.

You’re startled out of your reverie as the door opens. In the half-light spilling in from the hallway, you see a silhouette you’ve become intimately acquainted with over the past months.

“Hey, Bitsie. Mar told me you were having trouble sleeping. Mind if I join you?”

“J-Jake. Yeah, of course. I don’t mind.”

There’s a rustle of fabric, and you’re expecting to hear the creak of the bunk above you as he climbs up and settles in. But that’s not what you get. Instead, you get pushed to one side of the bunk and there is suddenly an interloper in your sheets. You can feel his naked skin pressing into yours as he drags the blankets over your shoulders and his hands sliding soothingly up and down your back as you lie stiff against him.

“C’mon, Bitsie. Relax. I’ve got you.”

The sweetness in his tone has you reeling. It takes a few moments before you finally let yourself go limp, surrendering to the thrall of his sleep-warm skin. He still smells like his cologne, something warm and musky with a slight hint of floral tones. And his body feels like a furnace. He's so warm. His arm wraps around your waist, drawing you in until you can feel the heat of his breath against your face.

“There. Isn’t that more comfortable?” He sounds so smug as he settles in with his big hand resting flush against your back.

Your answering hum is weak, nearly too quiet. Your heart is pounding, and you can already feel your thoughts race.

"Y'know, Jake, I didn't think you'd do this. I thought you'd take Mara's bunk."

"Mm. I gathered by how you went as stiff as a board as I pulled you close."

You can feel the rise and fall of his chest from where you are. Each breath is hypnotically steady.

"I was going to suggest an orgasm or two to help you unwind, but I didn't think you'd appreciate that suggestion."

You smack his arm, keeping your hand there as you grin into his chest. You’re grumbling under your breath as he tugs you even closer. Your feet are trapped between his calves as he rests his hands against your hips. You can feel the heat and roughness of his grip as he trails his fingers over the sliver of skin exposed from where your t-shirt had ridden up over the past hours you had been tossing and turning.

A chill slinks down your spine at the gentle touch, sending shocks of unease through you. It reminds you of another set of fingers gripping too tight at your hip in the heat of a fun night at the Hard Deck. Bradley had been drinking quite heavily that night, and he’d pawed at you, his normally gentle hands rough and harsh as they traced your skin. Jake had pulled him away that day and helped him sober slightly. But when he’d come back, Bradley had possessively clutched at you. He’d called you a slut that night, for the first time, as he fucked you until your eyes welled with tears and your cunt stung from the constant abuse he was wringing on your system.

The constant gentle press of Jake’s hands on your skin had you nearly hyperventilating. You push them away, and you’re sure Jake can tell how uncomfortable you are as he withdraws his hands immediately. He leaves as much space as possible in the tiny bunk between you, and you’re comforted at least a little by how seriously he takes your need for personal space. It takes several long moments before your breathing slows, and that irrational panic begins to fade. You’re reminding yourself repeatedly that Jake isn’t Bradley as you carefully ease yourself into his embrace. His hands are hesitant as he curls his arm around your upper back. Your voice isn’t steady and a little wet as you finally respond to his joking remark from earlier.

"Mmm… but you'd love it, wouldn't you? Another feather in your cap? Another notch in your bedpost?"

You can't help the sardonic lilt in your voice as your mood flags. You're not sure you could handle it if sex were all he wanted from you.

"What cap, darlin'? As far as I'm concerned, I don't have one. Not anymore. I haven't even thought about another girl in months. It's only been you. But from the beginning, you made it explicitly clear that Bradshaw was the only man you'd ever want to be with. You also made it equally clear that you didn't want anything to do with me. So I stopped flirting with you and stopped making you smile. I couldn't handle seeing you with him. And then, when the mission started, I couldn't let you hurt alone."

He sounds so different from the Jake, the Hangman you're used to hearing. His voice is gentle and soft as he pulls you close again.

"That's why I guess I've been different since this mission started. I just wanted to make you smile again. I wanted to heal your heart."

"Jake." You can't hide your shock. How do you respond? Did he just confess his feelings for you? You can't resist wrapping your arms around his waist and nuzzling close to his skin.

"M'sorry. M'sorry if I led you on."

"I know, baby. It wasn't your intention. And I know this isn't the right time. You've had a hard few months. I'm not going to pressure you into moving too fast. But you can lean on me, baby. I've got your back. I promise."

You curl in closer to his chest until you can feel the beat of his heart. His shoulders are tense as you press a feather-soft kiss against his skin.

"Jake. Thank you. I wish I'd never picked Bradley over you. We would've been so happy together. And you would've never hurt me as he did."

Jake presses a feather-soft kiss against your forehead as your words peter out.

“I wouldn’t have, baby. I would’ve made you so happy. You wouldn’t have wanted for a single thing. I’d spend every day making sure you were incandescently happy. But it wasn’t meant to be — you picked Bradshaw. I thought you made the right choice, too. When you smiled that gorgeous grin at him that day, I knew I couldn’t love you how you deserve to be loved. And we can’t go back in time to change that. All we can control is where we go from here. I pick you, darlin’. All you need to do is pick me too. Not now, but when you’re ready.”

The emotion in his words makes something warm glow in your chest. His chest heaves against your skin as he breathes deeply. You trace your fingers across his face, feeling the prickle of his stubble against the pads as you cup his jaw. His breathing picks up as you press your index finger against his mouth. His lips are soft and moist, slightly chapped against your fingertips as you press lightly against the supple skin.

“What’re you doing, baby?” You grin at the amusement in his tone, withdrawing your finger and pressing a kiss against it before tapping it against his mouth. You’re not expecting him to kiss your fingers back. The warmth in your chest ignites like a bonfire at the gentle caress. Your throat is tight as you press a kiss against the corner of his mouth.

"Jake, as much as the past months hurt, I also learned a lot from the experience. I learned a lot about myself. What I do and don't like in a partner. And what I deserve as a part of a relationship. I won't ever let anything like that happen again. I promise I’ll choose wisely this time, sweetheart."

Your words are slurring with your exhaustion. The warmth of Jake's skin sends drowsiness coursing through you.

“I have all the faith in you, sweetheart. And we’re going to talk about what happened to make you nearly have a panic attack later, too. Okay?”

"Okay. G'night, Jake." You can feel his smile as your eyes flutter closed.

"G'night, Bitsie."

Waking up is hard the next morning. There's a heavy limb draped across your back, and you're pressed tight against warm skin. Your legs are intertwined, and it's the most comfortable you've been in a long time. Even in a bunk made for one, it doesn't feel crowded. You feel at home, more than the last time you’d shared a bed with a man.

Or at least, you would if you didn't hear chattering from two people who don't belong in your quarters before the call to muster even rings in the early morning. They’re not trying to moderate their volume, either. You nuzzle into Jake closer, praying his bicep will block the noise from disturbing your sleep. His arms tighten around you, and you can feel his lips against your hair. If you hide long enough, would they just disappear? Apparently not. The longer you stay curled up in Jake’s arms, the louder the chatter grows, now interspersed with calls of his name, and the bigger his smile grows against the top of your head. He presses one final kiss against your forehead before releasing you and slipping out of the bunk.

“What’s the hurry, Fanboy?” His sleep-mussed voice is going to take you out. It’s rough and rich and deep. You want nothing more than to hear that voice call you “darlin’” again and cuddle up in his arms. But he’s awake and talking to Fanboy about something you can barely hear. His hair is fluffy atop his head, and he still hasn’t put on his shirt. You can just see the shadow of him through the soft sweatpants covering his legs, and the sight has your thighs clenching as he whirls around, grabs his worn Navy tee, and shrugs it on. All the levity has drained from his face as he takes two steps and crouches in front of you. You’re sitting in the bunk now, and your new position has brought you level with his face.

“What’s going on?” Your voice is soft as you cup his jaw. His eyes close at the press of your fingers against his lower lip. Like the night before, he presses a kiss against your fingertips before pulling you in close enough to whisper in your ear.

"G'Morning, Baby. I wish we could've stayed in bed longer, but something big is happenin’. The Captain wants us suited up and on deck to run flight patrols. The situation is rapidly developing. I have to go. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I need you to know that in case something bad goes down."

An unpleasant knot tightens in your chest as you tug him in closer by wrapping your hand around the base of his neck. You press a feather-soft kiss against his lips before hugging him tight. His arms wrap tight around your waist, and you can feel his shoulders tense as the adrenaline begins to course through his blood.

“Take care of yourself, and please take care of Mickey. Fly safe, fly true. Don’t do anything life-threatening. And above all, come home. Please.” You can’t keep the catch in your voice as you run your fingers through the short hairs at the base of his neck. “I just found you. Come home to me. So I can tell you I love you for the first time.”

That’s when you hear his breath hitch, and you’re being properly kissed. Everything else melts away except for Jake. It’s a painfully sweet kiss that has your heart racing even as dread slides its cold hooks into you. And it’s over far too soon as he pulls away before following Fanboy to get suited up. It’s a sober mood in your quarters as you and Mara get ready for the day and head to the flight operations center.

The entire ship is a hive of activity. You both have to flatten against the walls multiple times on the way, dodging sailors, flight personnel, and whoever else felt the need to run around in a ship bracing for an attack. You and Mara reach the Captain just as the jets take off. From the Flight Ops Center, you have a near perfect line of sight to see the planes rise like a flock of metallic birds into the sky. You can barely make out Jake and Mickey waiting on deck for their signal to launch and your heart feels tight as you fight the urge to steal a headset and tell him you love him. But you can’t, so all you do is clutch at the railing in front of you with all your strength and pray that they, that he will, come back safe.

“Captain Mills. What’s happening?” The Captain had already begun to sweat through his uniform as he beckons you and Mara closer.

You can hear the emotion in his voice as he downs the cold coffee in his mug before speaking in clipped tones, “At 10 past 0100, we received reports of patrols in our airspace. Naturally, the first thing we did was contact the COMPACFLT. But the admiral had no notice of flight operations happening in our airspace.”

The Captain pauses, seeming to try and find the necessary thread in what you assumed was a tangled web of information that would take hours to unwind. “The only reasonable assumption we can make is that it is the enemy. I’m afraid, ladies, that we are now standing by and evaluating the threat. This has the potential to evolve into a serious situation. We are requiring all non-essential personnel to remain confined to quarters. Consider this an order.”

With nothing better to do, and your heart having taken up permanent residence in your throat, you both head back to your quarters. Your heart aches as you fall into your bunk, which you had made roughly before you rushed out earlier, desperate for any news on the situation Jake was flying into. The pillows still smell like Jake, and if you screw your eyes shut tightly enough, you can still feel the tight press of his arms around you. You want nothing more than to rewind time, to go back to those few precious hours in the middle of the night when you’d had him in your arms - when you could’ve kissed him and when you could’ve told him you loved him. The what-ifs crowd your brain like a feral swarm of bees, sending your thoughts buzzing angrily. The more thoughts crowd your brain, the worse you feel.

You don’t think you can stand losing Jake. You just found him. That small seed of something between you has only just sprouted. You want to see it grow and flourish into an oak tree; tall and sturdy enough to withstand earthquakes, forest fires, lightning strikes, and flash floods. A tree strong enough to support a treehouse filled with tiny feet, hands, love, and laughter. But you’re not sure that you’ll ever be able to see that nascent sprout grow. Not when half of your heart is in a jet potentially flying into enemy crosshairs. Not when you last told him, “Come home so I can tell you I love you for the first time” instead of the “I love you” he deserved. The “I love you” that you had seen he had so desperately wanted to hear. Why had you said that? What if your words, your ardent pleas, weren’t enough? You aren’t omnipotent. You can’t change the trajectory of missiles or bullets. You have no control over anything, not even your racing thoughts as you realize that you might never see him again. Are you going to be cursed to spend the rest of your life imagining the what-ifs of an entire life that could have been?

It’s been hours since you and Mara have been confined to your quarters. Periodically you’ve heard the roar and whine of aircraft engines as they touch down and take off again. Every time you hear the engines’ roar, your traitorous heart skips a beat. You wait, staring at the door, hoping that Jake will bound through, Mickey behind him, still in his flight suit with his hair sweat streaked and sticking to his forehead. And each time, your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach as the minutes pass and you hear the engines tick up again.

"Hey, you doing okay, Bitsie?" Mara’s voice shatters through the daydream you had crafted and it hurts. All you want is Jake in your arms once more, feeling his strong body against yours, hearing his heartbeat in your ear as he holds you close.

"As okay as can be expected, Mar." Your voice is thin in the silence of your quarters. Mara’s sitting on the sole desk chair while you’re curled up in your sheets. They don’t smell like Jake anymore. It’s driving you crazy, not knowing. You’ve cried what feels like an ocean’s worth of tears and your eyes are swollen and puffy, your voice thick and hoarse from your muffled sobs.

“Do you want to talk about what happened between you and Jake last night? He kissed you this morning. You can’t tell me he’s just a friend. Not after that.”

Her voice is gentle, her eyes and hands beseeching as you try and fail to find the words. You drag your hand down your face before facing her, letting your legs dangle off the bed as you rest your elbows on your thighs.

“He’s not just a friend, Mar. He might be everything, and I was too stupid to admit it before now. Once bitten, twice shy, and all that, you know?” There is lingering bitterness in your tone, frustration at yourself for the mistakes you knew you had made in not choosing Jake in the first place.

Your breathing is ragged as you push away the hot feeling in the back of your throat. “I don’t know when it happened. Honest. I didn’t even know I had him, you know? He told me last night that he was interested in me from the moment he met me. But when I picked Bradley, he backed off because he knew that Bradley would treat me as I deserved. That Bradley would love me in a way that he couldn’t. He was wrong. And I was, too, Mar. How do I make the right choice when that choice might not even be here after today?” You are crying again. Somehow you still have tears left to cry, staring at the wall in front of you, these last tears dripping down your chin, marking your pants with the remnants of your despair.

“I - I don’t know.” Her position mirrors yours as the two of you stare at each other in silence. “But you can’t give up hope. You know they’re good pilots. They’re the best of the best, Bits. If anyone can pull through, it’ll be Jake and Micks. They have to.”

You clasp your hands tightly until all you can feel is the aching stretch of over-taxed muscles. Mara’s right. You can’t do anything but hope. Hope that the boys are alright and hope that your updates to the targeting and radar systems are enough to protect them.

It’s a runner from the Captain banging on your door who finally brings you news. The poor man is sweat-drenched, panting as he pauses to catch his breath before delivering his message. “The Captain wants you both in the Flight Ops Center. Something’s up with the radar system on Lieutenants Seresin and Garcia’s plane. We need you to help debug and resolve the situation. The improvements you’ve made while working on laser targeting are beyond us.”

“Understood.”

It’s your turn to run through the hallways and have people jump out of your way, Mara right behind you. This time when you enter the Flight Ops Center, it’s pin-drop silent. All eyes are on a singular, all too familiar display. The radar output shows an awfully familiar F-18/A. And you can see exactly why the Captain had called for you and Mara. The display is flickering erratically, jets blinking in and out of sight at random.

With your heart in your throat, you march right up to the tech on the computer system. "Give me your headset and your seat." Your tone leaves no room for argument, but he still protests, turning away from his fiddling with the system, to look at you in both frustration and disbelief.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't do that without the Captain's orders."

"I know. And right now, I don't care. I programmed that radar system. Captain Mills!" You are barking out an order right now, your voice quivering with authority. "Either you get your man out of this seat or I take it from him."

"Let her have the seat, Ensign George. And the headset. I called her here. She's one of the civilian consultants out of the Pentagon who built the damned thing."

You accept the headset and start examining the display in front of you. Pressing a button on the side of the headset you connect to Jake and Mickey's comms. "Auxiliary Patrol. This is Flight Ops Control. How read?"

"Audio clear, Flight Ops Control. How do you read me?" Your heart jumps when you hear Mickey’s voice emanate clearly through the headset.

Your relief washes over you, settling your racing thoughts and grounding you as you confirm their audio signals before responding, "Loud and clear, Auxiliary Patrol."

This time, when you hear from Jake and Mickey, it’s Jake’s voice on comms. "Auxiliary Patrol, we’re seeing multiple bogeys on the radar, but they’re ghosting in and out. Can you confirm?”

“Confirming loud and clear. We’re seeing the same thing here.” Your frustration colors your tone as the radar display glitches in front of your eyes."Do visuals confirm what the radar is saying?"

"Flight Ops, negative. Visual showing clear skies." Mickey’s voice is slightly cheeky as he responds. You sigh, knowing that you’re going to have to do something drastic to resolve this issue.

“Auxiliary Patrol. Can you turn on the external cameras? Flight Ops will act as your eyes while we reboot the radar.”

“Copy, ops. Cameras are live.” You can hear the slightest flick of the switch as Mickey enables the cameras that you and Mara had been using to help monitor the laser targeting system.

“Captain?”

The man nods, silently giving his permission for the order he knew would come next. “The floor is yours.”

“Right. Teams of five, report to one of the monitors. Keep your eyes peeled. We’ve got aviators flying blind and I’ll be damned if we’re taking home coffins after today.” Your voice leaves no room for protests as you address the room.

The men explode into activity around you and Mara. The two of you, in the meanwhile, keep silent, all your energy on the radar system, scanning the code flying across the screen with eagle-eyes. There aren’t any defects, so you decide to turn the radar back on. “Auxiliary Patrol, this is Flight Ops. We’re rebooting the radar and targeting systems now.”

“Copy, Flight Ops.”

There’s a tense silence blanketing the Flight Ops Center as you hit ‘Enter’ and watch the radar display in front of you blink back to life. It flickers and your breath catches when it stays dark for several long moments before illuminating. It’s finally, blessedly stable. There aren’t ghost bogeys on the screen anymore. Just one very clearly labeled F/A-18A and one very real SU-57.

“Are you seeing what we are, Flight Ops?”

“Copy, Auxiliary Patrol. One bogey, north, northwest bound, approaching your position at 400 knots.”

“Copy, Ops. What are your orders?” Jake’s voice is tense as he spits the words down the microphone.

That’s when Captain Mills finally weighs in again. “Do a flyby, son. Do not engage unless they do. I’ll get on the horn with the COMPACFLT and keep him apprised of the situation.” You relinquish the headset and station back to the radar tech you’d bullied them from and retreat to the peripherals of the room.

The gnawing desperate ache in your chest, the one that had been partially alleviated hearing Jake’s voice, is back again. It’s clawing at you as you clutch at a railing and plant yourself in a corner of the Ops Center. Captain Mills is talking furiously into a satellite phone, you presume to the COMPACFLT. But your eyes are on Jake and Mickey’s jet and their radar display. You can feel each swooping maneuver in the pit of your stomach as their jet approaches the SU-57.

It’s incredibly quiet in the Flight Ops Center as the two jets fly side by side for several long moments. You’re praying with everything you have that this doesn’t escalate, And then, like an answer to all of your prayers, the SU-57 breaks away, heading back in the direction it came.

“Ops, bogey one, now 400 yards away. Distance growing. Permission to return to carrier?”

“Permission granted.”

Captain Mills stalks towards where you and Mara stand. “Thanks for your assistance, ladies. We’re resuming normal operations per order of the COMPACFLT. Your mission will resume bright and early in the morning. I expect to see the both of you and Lieutenants Seresin and Garcia in the Flight Ops Center at 0800. Am I clear?”

“Yessir!” You’re quick to respond with a snappy salute. You’ve trespassed on Captain Mill’s authority one time too many already today with your show of power to the radar tech and for the sake of this operation, you’d rather not step on his toes any more than necessary

Your heart is light as you walk back to your quarters. There’s a sense of urgency dogging your steps, your lips curling unbidden into a giddy grin. By tacit agreement, Mara leaves you at the door before heading to Jake and Mickey’s quarters two doors down. He’s safe! He’s safe! He’s safe! You can’t quell the trembling of your hands as you wait. You reach for a book to read but you barely get a few words in before you’re dropping it again. It’s only been minutes since you left Flight Ops but your heart is doing acrobatics in your chest at the knowledge that Jake is returning soon. You bite your lip, maybe work will quell these jitters.

Of course, right as you pull up the radar system blueprints, the door to your quarters opens and Jake staggers in. He’s stinking of jet fuel, and coated in sweat, but you’ve never seen a better sight. He’s whole and safe and here with you. It’s all that you’ve been wishing for since he left you early this morning. You want to touch him, make sure he's not a figment of your imagination or a cruel dream from the depths of your subconscious. But no matter how you try to get your legs to move, you're frozen before him. That's when he moves, carefully cupping your jaw and drawing your eyes to his.

"I'm back, baby. Safe and sound, just as promised." Jake’s voice is quiet, like he’s afraid that speaking too loudly will shatter the bubble you two have created around yourselves. His eyes are filled with a softness unlike anything you’ve ever seen in man’s eyes before, let alone his. The sight makes your heart speed up, overjoyed to be in the calm his presence brings you.

You return his tender caress before wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling yourself impossibly closer. Jake’s hands are gentle as they bracket your waist before he finally lowers his mouth to yours. His mouth tastes like salt, and he stinks, but you can't begrudge the man you adore this kiss. He's more than deserving of it.

When you part for air, you can feel the imperceptible shudder wracking his muscles as the adrenaline drains away. "Go shower, Jake. You stink." There is a light humor in your tone as you grin up at him, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw, reveling in the minute hitch in his breath as you meet his eyes once more.

His pout is sweet, and you can't resist pecking his lips once more as he turns and walks back out the door. It's only twenty short minutes later when he walks back in and collapses into your bunk. His hair is still damp, the longer hairs at the top of his head curling slightly as you pull on your own pajamas and crawl into the bunk next to him.

He mirrors your positions from the night before, tugging you in until his head rests against your breasts and you can feel his warmth across your whole body. You card your fingers through his hair, content to sit in the silence as long as he needs you to.

"Talk to me, baby." His voice is hushed and muffled against your breasts as he breathes deeply. "Tell me how you're doing."

"I feel like I should be asking you that, Jake. I was a wreck when you were up there, but I'm better now. I'm always better in your arms." You hope he knows that you mean every syllable, and you do. A selfish part of you wants to stay in his arms forever; just the two of you in your own little bubble for as long as you can.

Your throat is tight with the same tears you'd shed all day as you trace over the curve of his ear. "I love you. I should've told you before you left," you whisper, scared to say the words any louder lest they be ripped from you both.

Jake gasps before kissing you again, hard. He pours all his love and affection into the kiss and you return the ardor as best you can. The two of you kiss for several long moments before he rests his forehead against yours. You lie curled into each other for a while longer before you nuzzle at his cheek.

"Why d'you call me Bitsie, Jake? I've been wondering for a while."

He chuckles before pecking your lips and dragging you in until your lips are pressed to his collarbone. "I started calling you Bitsie because of the first demonstration of the radar you ever gave us. You were talking about manipulating bits. Gosh, it was probably only a couple of weeks since you'd come to Miramar. I was so gone for you already, baby. You're gorgeous, sweet, and smart as a whip. I wanted to show you I was listening to what you said."

"But I didn't take it that way. I was so rude to you the first time you called me that. I thought you were making fun of me." Your voice is soft as you trace a light pattern across his ribs. Your thoughts race as you catalog every interaction you remember having with Jake over your months in Miramar. Had Bradley Bradshaw really brainwashed your perception of him so terribly? Your mind races as you try and fail to find an explanation for your actions. They’ve been petty and rude and you don’t recognize the girl you are in them.

“Why didn’t you say anything? Why did I assume what I did? Jake, how can you ever forgive me?” You hate how small your voice is, the regret at your actions over the past months coloring your tone.

“I can forgive you, sweetheart, because I love you. I have for a really long time,” Jake soothes, one hand cupping your jaw. “And you had a Chicken on your shoulder telling you who was right and who was wrong. Him and I? We have always been on the opposite ends of that scale. And I’ll give you one guess as to which of us is where.”

“He’s wrong, Jake. He’s wrong about you, he was wrong about me. We’ll show him. I’m not hiding this. You’re mine, now. And I want it all with you. Dates, kissing because you feel like it, dancing to the Jukebox in the Hard Deck, everything.”

“We’ll write this story with more than words, darling. I promise. And I love you.” You can feel your eyes close as you curl closer into his embrace, all the tension in your body finally draining away as you fall asleep.

In the morning, you’ll be back to working on the laser targeting systems, back to normalcy. But there’ll be something new to scope the limits of, as well. The butterflies in your stomach this time feel like flower petals kissing your skin. It’s a good portent for the days to come.

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katapotato55 · 11 months

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Undertale analysis: Chara was a bad person but not because they were an "evil serial killer child" like the fandom portrays.

TW: mentions of mental illness, self harm, and suicide. SPOILER FOR UNDERTALE. yes this game is 8 years old and scarily popular, but its still worth playing! its 10 bucks on steam! get it! Post also contains stupid edits I made to ENHANCE your experience by at least 50% guaranteed or your money back (post cost $0)

first: some backstory. I played Undertale way back in like, 2016 when the game was still fresh yet gaining popularity quickly. The fandom soon after became criminally insane and went on a moral panic where people were harassed for "playing the game wrong". I remember stories of youtubers cancelling Undertale let's plays because they would kill a character and people would get upset. other than AUs, the biggest thing that stuck out to me was the strange obsession with claiming Chara is an evil demon child who is the root of all evil and eats puppies and enjoys drinking the blood of the innocent. and then counter-culture made it so that chara is actually innocent and that the PLAYER is the horrible evil monster eating puppies etc etc.

two extremes that i half-agree with, but mostly disagree with. There was an INSANE black and white mentality that flooded the Undertale space with no breathing room for mistakes. nowadays people have matured and the fandom calmed down, so now would be a great time to explain why i think Chara is a more complex character than people give them credit for. please don't hurt me.

1- Chara very much had mental health issues.

and not in the horror movie way where they were a caraaazay evil serial murderer

a huge misconception is that people assumed the garden tools in toriel's house being dulled was somehow "proof" that Chara was an evil serial murder or something.

though... I think people also forget Chara heavily hinted at struggling with serious depression and misanthropic tendencies.

Chara climbed the mountain to end their own life. the reason the garden tools were dulled wasn't because the Dreemurs were trying to protect other people from Chara, they were trying to protect Chara from themself. it baffles me how a lot of people didn't catch onto that. It could be that we were young teens and didn't know better... but i digress! "but kat? how is Chara a bad person ? are you saying people with depression are-" get that objectively wrong idea out of your head. Having a mental illness does not make you a bad person. If you struggle with suicidal thoughts please get help from loved ones and don't EVER think you are a bad person for struggling. no. chara is a bad person because...

2- Chara was a bitter misanthrope that didn't care about anyone else or their feelings.

there are several lines of dialogue that point to the fact Chara did not like humans. There is a high probability that Chara had a hard home life before falling to the underground and that is possibly why Chara was the way they were. I am not going to send you a million screenshots as to every single bit of evidence of this, I am not made of time and jpegs. (besides i spent the entire budget on photoshop edits) I am however, going to send you the most damning evidence on my side: the true lab tapes. In the pacifist run, you can visit the true lab and find Asgore and Toriel's old home videos. The tapes basically showcase Chara's plan to Asriel where they were to eat the butterscotch flowers, and then Asriel will absorb their soul when they died.

youtube

you can watch this youtube video on all of the true lab tapes. to recap the story, Chara died, Asriel absorbed the soul, took Chara's body to the human village and then the humans thought Asriel killed Chara. Asriel refused to fight, walked back to their home and died in the flowerbed. Later on if you talk to Asriel, He mentions he wasn't the one who went to the human village, but it was Chara that was controlling him. He refused to hurt the humans and fight back and essentially they were both taken down. so here are my thoughts (please remember this is my interpretation you are OK to disagree with me)

-Chara probably just used the freedom of the monsters as an excuse to off themselves, Then put that emotional responsibility on Asriel. -They then USED Asriel's body to try and enact revenge on the humans in their death as some kind of messed up murder-suicide but in the wrong order -This ends up Killing Asriel, then he later became a bitter misanthropic husk after being reincarnated by Flowey. Possibly due to the trauma. -This ends up putting the ENTIRE underground in a depressed state with no hope and causing a massive war with the humans -their adopted parents are now divorced due to this tragedy and both Toriel and Asgore started to have conflicting issues on the topic of humans -Asgore basically trapping everyone with him in his own grief because he didn't want to actually face what happened and played the long game collecting souls one by one. -Toriel struggling to move on and essentially trying to mother any human that falls down without facing her demons. -Litterally all of undertale happened. essentially Chara was not a bad person because they were a child version of Jason Voorhees Chara was a bad person because they manipulated their family into having emotional responsibility for their self-inflicted death and hatred of humanity. They made their issues everyone else's problem and didn't consider how their horrible actions would affect others. and in a way, that is one of the morals of Undertale If you don't care about others and how your actions will affect others, then you would be making the world a shitty place in the end. Lets get back to that thing I said earlier about fans harassing other players for little mistakes. killed Toriel on your first play through ? congratulations! you are a horrible irredeemable person who deserves to get death threats ! /s God forbid we have nuance and acknowledge that most players at this point feel BAD about what happened since this is their first play through! And that they CARE about what they did to their new friend! These kind of people ignore the fact that the issue with the genocide run wasn't just the deaths, but that the player didn't consider how the monsters felt after you just ripped away their happy ending. which is the mentality that both Chara and Flowey had.

youtube

here is a video i recommend. to quote this video about the sans fight: "They call out the player not for acting immorally but for acting with no moral guidance whatsoever. Flipping back and forth between good and evil for no real reason except that they want to see what happens. In the boss’s own words, committing genocide “because you think you can, and because you can, you have to.” " Chara offed themself and made Asriel emotionally responsible for Chara's fucked up revenge fantasy without considering others feelings The player restarted the timeline (more than likely the good ending) to kill everyone all for the reason of curiosity without considering others feelings. the reason why Chara goes after you at the end of the genocide run is because you basically VALIDATED the deep dark desires of a mentally damaged person and made them watch their loved ones get ritualistically murdered. meanwhile in the pacifist run (with no history of the genocide path on your file), you simply let Chara remain as they were when they passed away. You didn't validate their dark mentally unstable desires, you simply shown Chara that the world isn't a horrible place and that actually caring about other people leads to a better life. If you HAVE played genocide before the pacifist ending, then the lesson does not sit because you still basically led them down a dark path in the end. By caring about how others feel and the impact you leave on people, you are helping retain hope for a better future for everyone, and that is one of the many reasons why i love Undertale.

thank you for reading this massively long analysis, it took me a lot of time and effort to get this put together.

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