#this is all fucking around with some theme i found in the tag . i didnt code shit its 5 am do you think i want to look at html right now<
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wait i completely forgot i can just send myself asks on pc. lol
using my own ask . to show that i have made my desktop theme so very silly looking
#could i have done better ?? almost definitely#will i? no. goodbye#this is just a small segment idc i love the weenyworm sticker and the background i made for myself <3 the heart and star are wobbly on#purpose i feel like it adds flavor to it#this is all fucking around with some theme i found in the tag . i didnt code shit its 5 am do you think i want to look at html right now<#DONT. know why the text refuses to change color though its supposed to be a bit purple tinted and i can SEEE that its still the default
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Oh my god. You are a saviour!!!!!!!! Idk but after some what, 6 hours, im not the same person anymore?? The English. The English. Its so packed. Cant stop crying after the last ep i there is a hole inside my chest now it hurts so much idk what to tell more like yeah amazon produced silly western with white girl saviour moment haha how about feeling the well of every humanly possible emotions after some .... several hours? I... didnt expected that. Cornelia...
Cant say thank you enough for your ramblings in the tags!!!!!!!!! You are not a frequent media enjoyer so to hear from you in the tags was such a suprise that ive downloaded it like after i just came home from work and was so dumbfolded by the narrative ? one ep for one day so i... wasnt aware of... you know... last three eps direction (but it was always there, always!!!). the fucking Event of my life thank you so much for mentioning it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Idk im just speechless....
ANON!!!! I GET IT BRO I GET IT….. event of OUR lives
You’re right, it’s so incredibly packed it’s… idk where to begin replying to you but I agree, the plotting is so well-done and teased out with just enough detail that by the time you reach the last episode’s reveals you have to recontextualise every interaction you’ve seen so far.
It’s really a testament to the power of writing that doesn’t just blandly dump exposition out for an audience it doesn’t trust - the reason I keep going bonkers bananas about the dialogue is because, yes, it’s heightened, but it’s REAL. Real characters with painful motivations WOULD keep secrets and talk in arcs around the subjects they don’t want to really talk about. Then it’s those arcs that keep Eli and Cornelia intersecting and sharing and coming to the realisation that somehow, in the enormity of the endless prairie they’ve found one other person who understands them…. I can’t think about it too much I keep crying lmao I sympathise with the hole in your chest, like I have been GUTSHOT
Once again it’s the tragedy. The layers of parallels to figure out on a rewatch. I think this type of reaction in me to certain media only comes along every so often because it’s only the most weighty, tragic implications of narrative and characters with doomed love that get me this good. Brokeback Mountain, Baze & Chirrut from Rogue One, obviously Reddie post-itch2 and now this. It’s come along right at the sweet spot for me when I’ve really been craving Western stories and feeling the lack of emotionally-moving cinema this year. I’ve had a lot of disappointments in the theatre ngl, a lot of duds. So it was such a fucking horrible delightful treat to basically get a sweeping 6 hour western roadtrip movie where every decision has been carefully, deliberately made - from the acting to the costumes, production design, direction, music, everything - to tell THIS story. Their story. Revisionist and triumphant and tragic and romantic and violent all at once.
Maybe it’s an indictment of how few pieces of truly well-written visual storytelling I’m exposed to but it’s been such a breath of fresh air. Characters with very different stories and goals and arcs that still manage to see something of the same driving force (magic!!!) in each other? Themes of reclaiming that which was stolen from you, both literal and metaphysically? Identity, agency, land, history, family, a HOME??! My friend @benevolentbridgetroll likened it to Mad Max Fury Road in that sense, both works are using the grand visuals of wide open spaces to tell a story about momentum and desperate human connection and Never Being Able To Go Home Again but also that sometimes you have to try, because there are people along the way who need your help.
And on top of that it’s using only the SEXIEST of “golden hour sunsets shining through the clouds of Nebraska dust kicked up by our leading man silhouetted rearing on a stallion” visuals to tell the story like HELLOOOOOOO? I love imagery. The horror of the time is all the more real for being given the weight it deserves; saturated, slow-motion, the hyper-real intensity of traumatic memory without ever being grimdark or exploitative for grimdark’s sake.
Plus Chaske Spencer deserves an emmy or a bafta or SOME kind of award I’m dead serious. Not since Heath Ledger played Ennis del Mar in 2005 has a man imbued such rich inner heartbreak to tight little smiles and devastating, carefully chosen words and the meaning that comes from what you choose to Look at when you know certain Looking will get you killed.
Because that’s another thing I agree with you about - when I started the series my main worry was that it was going to result in another white saviour story, and with the caveat that obviously I’m both white and non-American, I think the show avoided that. Not only are both Cornelia and Eli’s arcs given equal importance to the entire theme of the story, but it literally couldn’t exist if it wasn’t specifically ABOUT how the experiences of women and Native peoples in the wild west differ from the typical White Cowboy Conquering New Unexplored Land narrative. Eli is given all the agency in the world to make a series of decisions FOR HIMSELF and what it means for him to be a Pawnee man in this place at this time. That’s literally what his arc is about, and it’s compelling! Also the series was made with a ton of consultation and approval from members of the Pawnee nation so overall I do think they were trying to tell as authentic a story as possible.
Anyway. I’m so so glad you watched it after my incoherent yelling in the tags, that makes me so happy! I would love for more people to enjoy it even just so I can read more fic or look at more gifs 😭 I have so much homework this week I can’t spend it all on photoshop. Also have to say that you calling me “not a frequent media enjoyer” REALLY tickled me and I’ve been laughing about it for two days now, I feel like all I do is enjoy media. It just takes some particularly good shit for me to get super-annoying about it on tumblr so for that I’m eternally grateful. 2022 media has been so bland for me besides The Locked Tomb series that I was beginning to think I’d lost the ability to feel shrimp emotions at movies any more, but here we are. I’m shrimping so so hard and I love it. Thank you for your message!!!
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To give you a short while to relax, let me tell you a story on how I got into the deep deep deep rabbit hole of fucked up romantic fiction 😀
So I loved to read story books when I was around 4-5th grade. I was good with my english for a country that doesn't speak it much (philippines) and joined several writing and reading contests and spelling bees.
But all the books I read with thin and colorful and had pictures, I wanted something large and thick(lmao) and tons of complicated words to practice with. And my grandma at the time had her own little library in her house and she would give me access on tons of books, she didn't say anything about me reading murder mysteries and horror genres... But what intrigued me, was this one book.
I forgot what the title was but it had a mature warning in it with sexual and horror themes. I was so fucking innoncent at that time cause i didnt know what the word sexual meant and at this age my mind could visualize shit better than other kids *cough* maladaptive daydreaming *cough*
The plotline was about a female detective in the 1950s and when solving for a case she always senses someone was following her and thinks it was the suspect of the crime she was trying to find answers to. It wasn't the suspect unfortunately, but a stalker who yanks his meat whenever he hears the detectives voice on the radio.
And OH MY GOD. Something horrible sparked in me. It was two things, one, gay awakening cause the detective was a total girlboss, and second, my obsession with problematic men. I couldnt understand the hanky panky scenes BUT THE WHISPERING AND THE TENSION BETWEEN THESE TWO OUTSIDE THE HANKY PANKY MY GOD
I read that for two years until I discovered yanderes, otome sims, fanfiction.net, wattpad and ao3 but durring those years i had forgotten about the book's title.
And i wanted to find it but unfortunately grandma passed away due to old age in 2020 and her house was in a custody battle between my dad and aunt because grandma never put who would inherit the house in her will. Just divided some fortune between children and grandchildren.
It was also in the will that I would get all of her books (and her amoire that I used to play dress up in and various handbags which was very slay because she had taste 💅) but it wasnt all of the books.
I knew because she had more than two boxes worth of it. She had a bigger collection than any of her friends and coworkers back in the 1960s, her mini library was filled to the brim with books, not a shelf with a single crevice,but all I recieved were 57 books. Her murder mysteries and erotic novels but I never found the one that got me into the rabbit hole..
And the end. Hope you enjoyed :) tell me if you want a vague description of the book cause I read most of it and some lines definately be fic material 👀
Sincerely- Murder Mystery (MM) Anon, a follower since your first work
First off, I love how your grandma nutured your love for reading. My mom did the same for awhile until I had books like fucking everywhere in my room. Though I find a little odd, she would let you read a book like that 👀 or maybe she didn't know, and that's why you didn't get it as an adult?? I kinda wanna know now lol
Also, I didn't get into creepy stuff till I was in my teens (I'm calling myself out and saying creepypasta oop). Like legit when I was younger, my mom put on 1968 Night of the Living Dead movie on me and my brothers request claiming "we were old enough." I stayed up all night that night watching outside my widow cause I knew for SURE zombies were gonna rise at any moment. I also could not listen to any metal music....I was a very scared kid....
I didn't get into erotic literature until I was sixteen or so. I can't think of an incident that stands out because, really, I didn't know anything and just read basic shit. If it had extra tags of kinks and shit I didn't read it.
I thought I would share a bit of myself since you were nice enough to share about yourself, but I would like to hear about this book! Maybe it will give me some inspiration 💕
Oh! And that last bit about your being around since my first fic astounds (in a good way!) me but makes me happy. Thank you, love 💕💕💕
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i used to be very active in the cottagecore realm in 2018. im not alone in this, but i had my cottagecore blog before the word “cottagecore” was coined, and thus before it was presupposed that the lifestyle and aesthetic being posted about had anything in particular to do with cottages. a lot of the relevant posts found their way to me through other tags— dirtcore, plantcore, grandmacore, solarpunk, diy, etc— or just through the sheer natural popularity of the posts that ended up defining the cottagecore style
over the time between like 2016-2018, i had been pivoting away from my 90s/arcade themed aesthetic that i had fostered since like 2013 or something, because the colorful carpets and cheap plastic toys and bubblegum dispenser candies and slimes were beginning to be presumed to be part of something called “kidcore”, and kidcore was having a problem
the issue at hand for kidcore (and stim tumblr as well) was that ageplay and other controversial/triggering kink accounts were openly interacting with and advertising themselves on posts that were either meant for kids and age regressors, or themed around the original poster’s own childhood. as a result, kidcore/age regression and ageplay/kink were getting weirdly and uncomfortably conflated. it was a huge issue that i found really offputting, so i just bailed from the use of that visual language in general
the way that many, many kidcore and stim bloggers responded to these kinds of issues was to diligently put a DNI banner at the bottom of every single post, no matter how unsightly or combative that seemed. at the time, i thought that this was kind of a hopeless exercise. i thought that kidcore as an aesthetic would never really manage to extricate its content and reputation from that offputting area of kink tumblr, but it seems like i was wrong. through just like the sheer saturation of in-post DNI banners, it seemed to work. kidcore was more safe for kids and age regressors to blog and reblog about without getting weird fucked up interactions, and people seemed to be under less scrutiny for having a kidcore blog at all because it was no longer uncomfortably conflated with kink to that degree
the thing i admire most about this is that so many kidcore and stim bloggers decided all on their own that they wanted make it clear who their blog was and wasnt a safe space for. more of them could have decided to ignore the issue, more of them could have said that naysayers “just dont get it”, and more of them could have decided that they didnt mind added traffic, no matter who it came from. but these posters were uncomfortable with the issue, so they made that discomfort known at every opportunity.
this sort of stands in contrast to how most cottagecore bloggers ive seen have responded to the realization that cottagecore was growing to be popular with ecofascists and weird patriarchal tradcath & colonialist bloggers, esp since like 2019 or so. some bloggers sacrificed the simple aesthetic by adding DNI banners, but compared to the DNI saturation of kidcore bloggers, these were few and far between. also, weirdly, most of those banners also pertained to the kink-related boundaries that kidcore and stim bloggers had to set, and generally said little about politics except sometimes that terfs were unwelcome. anecdotally, i dont personally recall ever seeing a banner that said something like “dont interact if youre an ecofascist or christian nationalist!” or anything like that underneath any of the crafty and pastoral cottagecore imagery that ive encountered over the years.
the most common response that i saw from cottagecore bloggers to all the criticism and suspicion in 2019-2020 was every cottagecore blogger going on the defensive— “the accusations of cottagecore bloggers being right-wing or colonialist are false and not worth our time. anybody who spent any time in our community would know that plenty of us are leftist or poc!!” — for roughly one or two posts, and then never responding to the criticism again unless it came to their askbox specifically.
in short, the message a lot of cottagecore bloggers sent with their posts was not “ecofascists are unwelcome here,” but instead “critics who point out the ecofascist issue are unwelcome here.” and ecofascists and their ilk kept reblogging the same mushrooms and lace curtains and transparent homemade pie pngs as everybody else, unperturbed. there was no concerted effort to make it clear at every fucking turn that fascists were unwelcome
i ended up just drifting away from the cottagecore tag family over the course of 2019 to focus my gardening/naturalist/diy energies more directly on leftist environmentalism rather than aesthetic. since then, ive been thinking about the difference between cottagecore and the previous tumblr aesthetic i unintentionally joined and intentionally abandoned, kidcore. i have watched the response of both groups to these kinds of issues from a short distance, and i feel like kidcore posters better rose to the challenge of community infiltration by parties with harmful views and intentions. less kidcore bloggers have their DNIs directly in their posts nowadays from what ive seen, but the popular DNI banner phase of the kidcore world seemed to be essential and effective in establishing who the tag was and wasn’t meant for. no effort like this has been widespread on cottagecore tumblr, particularly among popular cottagecore posters, and so the reputational damage and the failure to exclude literal fascists from the main bulk of the aesthetic’s ecosystem continues to persist.
i guess overall the stories of these aesthetics (as i witnessed them) are just an interesting anecdotal comparison of how tolerating individuals that make vulnerable/marginalized members of a community feel threatened lead to that community becoming de-facto dominated (or assumed to be dominated) by those who are making others feel threatened, as vulnerable/marginalized members leave and additional vulnerable/marginalized people are deterred from ever joining. whereas proactively stating boundaries again and again and again leads to the creation of a better safe space, as well as a culture of awareness about the issues at hand
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Headcanons of Krel living on earth because he’s my favorite and I love him and I haven’t seen anyone do this yet so I feel like I have to
^^^^^because of this very moment I love the idea of Mary and Darci befriending Krel.
Since Aja,Vex and Eli went back to Akaridion-5, Mother was destroyed, and Claire was busy with Trollhunting stuff, earth gets pretty lonely. So Mary and Darci adopt him into their friend group.
At first Krel was a little apprehensive to joining their friend group, but he quickly warmed up to it because, he, being Krel, loves the attention.
like I can totally see Mary and Darci taking Krel to like a mall or something and doing those like teen romcom movie shopping montages where he goes into a changing room and the girls judge the outfit until they find the perfect one.
I personally believe Krel would adopt a soft boy look, with like oversized button ups and t shirts tucked into jeans, but thats just me.
anyway, because he’s friends with Mary and Darci, Krel has a new found social popularity in Arcadia.
because of this, Krel would prolly get nominated for Spring Fling king and shit
I would say Krel wouldn’t really care about being nominated, but seeing how he cared so much about the science fair and the Battle of the Bands, he would definitely care
Steve is conflicted because he wants to be Spring Fling King, but he can’t mess with Krel like he did with Jim and Eli cause Krel is his girlfriend’s brother
Krel notices this and takes advantage of it to mess with Steve and actually tries to win.
like Krel would just dominate the contests, and his theme presentation would be the flashiest and most appealing and people would just generally like him, and that would really worry Steve
like Krel, with four arms would be really good at the Touch-a-Truck-athon or whatever its called.
Krel would prolly let Steve win anyway because watching Steve squirm and freak out over prolly losing the crown and not being able to do anything about it cause he's Aja's brother is much better than any highschool dance crown
also the school 100% asks Krel to DJ future dances and events to save money, and Krel absolutely loves it
He would also definitely do the school play. Seeing how much he enjoyed being in Toby and Eli's short film, and again, he loves the attention, he would totally be down
Also it would just be another chance to mess with Steve to be the lead.
Because of this, Ms. Janeth would do another Shakespearean play, but do one of those modern renditions. Like it's the same play just in a modern setting, to take advantage of Krel's Akaridion form like they did with Jim's armor.
If not in the play he would do stage crew/tech.
Like he would create elaborate settings for them using A5 tech and Ms. Janeth would adore it
moving on, because home life is pretty lonely with just the Lucy and Ricky for company, Krel loves to host his friends for parties and sleepovers and whatever
and since Krel lives in the coolest house on the block, they love coming over
He hosts girl’s night every other week with Mary, Darci, and Clarie (becauuse she deserves a fucking break)
since we’ve all agreed that Krel is 100% a gaylien, I love the idea that he casually comes out during a girls night
like Mary would be like “So Krel, are there any girls you like?” and Krel’s just like, “*snort* Girls? Who ever said I like girls?” and the others are like “….....?“ and Krel just rolls his eyes and says "I like boys, ladies” and they’re like “ooooohhhh, okay. Cool.”
So now they spend girls night talking about boys. Claire and Darci about their mans and Mary and Krel about cute boys.
One day the girls give Krel a little rainbow pin and Krel’s just like “what’s this?” And the girls tell him that it’s an earth symbol for the gays and he’s like “theres a symbol for that here? I didnt think it was that big of a deal. On A5 it’s pretty normal” and the girls explain why theres a symbol and he’s like “oh shoot wow, thanks" and he put it on his backpack.
He’s pretty confused the first time someone is homophobic towards him cause like that kind if behavior doesnt happen on A5 and hes just like, “why does this bother you? I hardly know you” and just brushes it off. Its doesnt really bother him, mainly cause he doesnt know the earth insults towards gay people so he doesn’t even realize, but if the girls (or Toby, or even Steve, too) catch anyone being homophobic towards their friend they will attack that asshole on sight. Especially Mary and Steve
Random person on the street: Ha, *slur*
Marry: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM BITCH???
Krel: Marry its fine, it’s not that big of a dealoHSEKLOSANDGAYLENMARYGETOFFOFHIM
Marry: SAY IT AGAIN ASSHAT, I D A R E YOU
Claire and Darci: *trying to hold Mary back* maRY NO
Steve: THATS MY NINJA KICKING SPACE ANGEL GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER BUTTSNACK I'LL END YOU
Toby: *now chasing after Steve to stop him* stEVE NO
Mary would 100% find out who the rando is and destroy their life on social media. Like she would leak their job, phone number, email, school/college (if applicable) to her thousands of followers and absolutely ruin them with no remorse. And honestly, good for her
Also whilst on the subject, Krel can not drive or cook for 2 reasons: 1. Hes gay and 2. He’s a prince so he’s never had to do either before
Like he can obviously do math but that’s it.
Proof? That one scene in Wizards when Douxie had him drive the airship. You know the one.
Coach Lawrence refuses to get in a car with him at Drivers Ed after the 3rd day Krel shows up.
Krel gets addicted to sugary coffee shop-esc drinks thanks to Darci. Not coffee cause we saw in 3Below Part 1 that he doesnt like coffee, but refreshers, coolattas, frappuccinos etc…? Definitely.
As for warm drinks, he’s more of a tea person.
Moving on
He face calls Aja everyday because he really misses her
He tells her all about school and his friends and whatever and Aja tells him about the changes she’s making to the A5 government
Thanks to the wormhole they visit each other often. Sometimes Steve tags along cause he misses his ninja kicking space queen angel girlfriend. (And Eli, but that's also for another post)
They take turns housing Luug.
Krel genuinely loves it on earth, but he hates the primitive technology so he begs Aja to send him supplies and materials for his projects.
He would 10000% apply to HexTech for an after school job. Seeing his reaction to HT in Wizards and the fact that “Akaridion tech and magic are so compatible”, he would be the perfect addition to the HT staff.
The Wizards wouldn’t be sure at first but after he shows them A5 tech and Douxie’s email of recommendation about the time loop thing they made together, the wizards are like “oh yeah we definitely keeping this kid. This is going to be so much fun.”
Their inventions become more and more extravagant because Krel can and he's just extra and the wizards love it.
He would definitely find a way to use magic using A5 tech. But he would have to study magic in order to figure out how, so the wizards help him learn all about magic. And since he's learned everything there is to learn about science and technology and whatever, he's super excited to learn about something completely different and interesting. The wizards are happy to teach him. He would be the first Akaridion to learn and use magic
Like he would make his own staff with his serrator and everything. He's like "earn a staff? Nah fuck that going to make my own"
Speaking of which he really likes human swear words. But he doesnt know when it is and isn't inappropriate to say these swear words so he's gotten in trouble a few times for swearing at the wrong time
For example:
Ms. Janeth: excuse me Mr. Tarron?
Krel: what the fuck do you want?
Everyone in the room: krEL NO
Anyway, back to Krel at HT, thanks to Toby, he would definitely have a bowl of candy in his little lab. More like multiple jars of different candy just scattered around the room. Small candy like fun sized chocolate and skittles and jelly beans and whatever
And a mini fridge, of course.
Steve, Toby and Arrrgh come over to the lab alot to mess around.
Toby has a lot of sci-fi requests for Krel to make
Toby: do you think you can make a shrink ray? Laser blasters? Invisible ray? My own hoverboard? My own serrator *gASP* WITH A WARHAMMER SETTING???? WITH SPACE ARMOR TO MATCH???!!!???!
Krel: Toby you already have a warhammer and armor why do you need more?
Toby: I dont have a space warhammer and armor Krel!!!!!!
Going back to school life, I feel like Krel would take an interest in Spanish class. I mean, his human form is latino and in Trollhunters (I'm pretty sure the lightning in a bottle episode) he said "Si" in response to a question someone asked him, so I feel like he would like to learn another human language.
I also feel like he would just like to learn about Latin American culture in general since Mother gave him that form. He'd like to get in touch with his human self.
Claire (when she isnt busy Trollhunting with Jim and the gang) is happy help him learn about Latin American culture and help him with his Spanish.
Krel, being a fast learner, becomes fluent quickly with a perfect accent.
Señor Uhl, who already liked the Tarrons to begin with, would really appreciate this.
Claire's dad would also appreciate this.
Since he has such a fascination with human music, Krel would especially love Latin American music. Specifically reggaeton, since its kind of like techno music in a way and he already likes techno music.
And naturally, he learns to dance. All the styles of latin american dances. And he becomes quite the favorite on the dance floor.
He and Claire become great dance partners cause they both have the natural Latino rhythm and because Jim respects and trusts his girlfriend he doesnt mind them dancing together at parties and stuff
Although, Jim does ask for dance help at some point cause it looks like fun and he wants to dance with his beautiful talented incredible amazing gf and Krel is happy to teach him and anyone else who wants dance help.
GUITAR LESSONS with Douxie cause in 3Below Krel said he really wanted to learn how to play guitar, steals Shannon’s guitar from the bonfire and is seen multiple times strumming it throughout the series. So of course this is included.
Toby introduces Krel to YouTube and Krel instantly makes his own channel.
of course his channel is called DJ Kleb and he posts his tracks and remixes. and maybe even some vlogs
its a little slow at first, only Arcadia Oaks students are subscribed to it but Mary blows it up by posting one of Krel’s tracks on her own social media and now he has thousands of subscribers
he also gained other forms of social media like Instagram and Tiktok, platforms to post his music
At this point every girl in school wants to be friends with Krel but not in the toxic GBF (gay best friend) way, girls just genuinely think he's 10x more interesting than every other boy in Arcadia Oaks
I think that's it for now sorry this is really long I just really love Krel and I had so many ideas. Feel free to add on!!
#tales of arcadia#krel tarron#toa krel#3below#toa 3below#3below krel#Trollhunters#toa trollhunters#jim lake junior#jim lake jr#james lake jr#james lake junior#toby domzalski#toa jim#toa toby#claire nuñez#toa claire#wizards#tales of arcadia wizards#toa wizards#Toa Douxie#tales of arcadia douxie#hisirdoux casperan#toa hisirdoux#toa aja#aja tarron#3below aja
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danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?
see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3
-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.
-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...
-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question
-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)
-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.
-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*
-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.
-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!
-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...
-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.
-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?
-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.
-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.
-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.
-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?
-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.
-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)
-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao
-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.
-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...
-is he....
-you know....
.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)
-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!
-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!
-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.
-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)
-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.
-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...
-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.
-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...
-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.
-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)
-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/
-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize
-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.
-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)
-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...
-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)
-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!
-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.
-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!
-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(
-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!
-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)
-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.
-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!
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18 for the artist ask game - which one would you like to answer 👀
hmmm,,, i think the one i want to answer most is 4!!
4) What is a piece you'd really really like to talk about but people don't ask - go wild!
This is possibly the least surprising answer ever, but I'd love to rant about some of the behind the scenes stuff for the tarot series haha. I usually give a little insight into the whys and what-happeneds of making them in the posts or the tags, but theres a lot i dont say that id love to share like:
The Hermit: The wall is absolutely covered in math, none of which contains a single number. No numbers were written in the making of this card, not a one. Also those chalk marks are the only time (at least so far) that brush, or any brush other than the 3 main ones, have ever been used in the final cards
The World: when i first drew this, i could not find a single reference for how gabriel ba draws trees, so i made it up. like a week after posting, i randomly found a drawing of his that was like, mostly trees. rip me.
The Empress: The start of reference hell. I didnt use any reference apart from style reference for The Hermit, and I used like one or two pictures of the little girl on a bike for The World, but for this I had to find background reference, and multiple clothing references for both Lila and the Handler, and for the Handler's gun... and that's what my life has been like ever since. Also, in early drafts their positions were switched, with the Handler in the distance and LIla up close. I tried swapping them around on a whim and decided i felt like that conveyed the emotion I was going for much better.
The Hanged Man: as far as i can tell, Ben's tentacles in the show do not actually have suckers, and they really look more like... worms or something? but i like octopus tentacles so i ignored this
The High Priestess: vanya and diego are tied for "hardest fucking card to finish because i had to redraw it so many goddamn times". idk what it is about her slouchy pose here but i just could not get it right. Originally, when The Empress had Lila lying in the foreground and the Handler in the back, these two had parallel compositions, but now The High Priestess is alone. I should fix that at some point.
Wheel of Fortune: I believe this marks the first time i really had to fudge some backgrounds in order to get the composition right. There aren't this many rows of screens, the ceiling isnt this tall, and the window into the mail chute room is on its own wall. Also, in early drafts of this card, the floor was visible and AJ was sitting sexily in a chair. sorry to deprive you all of that
The Tower: This is the second major background fudging I did! good thing i had practice right before this. The Icarus in this picture is an amalgam of the same two buildings as in the show, although since I'm drawing i can do it all in the same shot. The majority of it is based on Massey Hall, but the fancy entrance is based on Elgin Theatre.
Strength: obviously Luther cannot have Umbrella Academy merch on his wall in his apartment in the 60s, since there isnt any yet, but i ignored that because themes. The poster is based on a drawing from a behind the scenes book, although I added the words and changed the drawing style to be closer to the comics. I also looked at reference of comics from the 60s and found that most of them did not emphasize the superhero's name (ie the superhero's name was not the largest word) but rather an adjective- amazing, incredible, etc. None of the in-universe umbrella academy merch had any defining adjective, so i decided to come up with my own... then realized that it would be "extraordinary". obviously. Looking at all this reference is what prompted me to do that meta thing comparing in-universe umbrella and sparrow merch, and what that might say about s3/how reggie raised them.
Chariot: I find Diego's face easy to draw, which came at the cost of everything else about this card giving me the hardest time possible. His pose, the composition, the colors... redid all of it so many times. SO many times. Also his harness fucking sucks to draw. And he always wears all black so you cant even appreciate how hard I worked on it. Fuck this card. I guess it's only fitting since Diego himself is a contrary bastard.
The Devil: Originally had Lila running though space, but I changed it so that it matched The Hanged Man a little more, since The Hanged Man was the only card without a background and the sketch for this was the best candidate to make without a background. Miscellaneous fun fact that you'll notice that the design in the background emerges from the briefcase.
Justice: This one is basically an actual shot from the show, which still feels lazy of me but it wasn't intentional. Also I spent a while trying to find reference for how Gabriel Ba draws hair texture like Allison's, gave up on finding anything close, and then a few days after finishing it I randomly came across a drawing he did of show!Allison. of course thats how it goes.
Temperance: the pillar and arch around Grace are not behind her, and the pillars do not go to the floor. They're attached to a railing in front of her. Also while looking at reference I discovered that the painting Grace likes is not in any particular place of emphasis; thats why i put a light on it. Also, most of the paintings are approximations of their actual placement on the set, but I moved a few around in places where my reference was too blurry to tell what the subject was.
The Moon: newest addition! not much to say about this one, except I feel very strongly that Luther should have had a pink plastic flamingo on the moon, so I gave him one. Its been in the plans since I first sketched it almost a year ago. The pink plastic flamingo is very important to me
#thank you for the ask!!!#and for writing an ask game for me!!!!#that was so kind of you#i hope you enjoy receiving this mess in return#long post
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So I Turned Church Mud Into A Novel Lol Oops | NaNoWriMo 2020
Folks the JOURNEY I have been on in the last 3 days. I’ve been on a great albeit chaotic Church Mud high and it led to? This?
For those who don’t know, Church Mud is meant to be a ~7k words short story for my writing dissertation (and it still is). I attempted to do Draft Zero over summer, completely missed the mark, pretended it didnt exist for a month and here we are. One thing I learnt from that attempt though was that there is a much wider story to be told than what we’d see in those 7k words. Back then I was content with it only existing as a short story, not having all the parts told, because I liked the idea of Felix and Dorothy existing in this small window with a happy ending that’d otherwise be temporary. But I cannot help myself :)
I met my advisor on Wednesday and reaffirmed that I’m at a really good place with this story in terms of ideas, themes and character - what’s missing was just the plot. So that’s what I’ve been working on (and killing my sleep schedule over) since, and what happened was:
I realise most of my ideas wouldn’t fit the short story --> But they’d work in a novel --> So I guess I’m writing Church Mud as a novel after I graduate? --> But I kinda wanna write it now --> But I can’t --> But I want to --> Chloe your dissertation --> Hey you want more novel content? Here’s chapter titles --> God I Can’t Wait To Write This As A Novel --> Hey that thing where you write a novel in a month is happening soon...could be a...perfect excuse to...….,,,
So I had a ~revelation~ at 4am: why can’t I write it now? NaNoWriMo coincides with when I’m meant to brainstorm this story, so why don’t I take what I have and pants it as a novel, intentionally #LoseNano2020 and use what I wrote to infer what the short story will look like whilst also have a Draft Zero to work with/finish/rewrite next year? I debated if this was a good idea because it felt ~unconventional~ but I realised that a) I want to write this as a novel anyway and b) this is where I’m loving the project and that’s what matters and c) makes it feel less like uni work lol
I’ve spent the all day playing around with what Church Mud The Novel would look like, and not only am I o b s s e s s e d but it also taught me? so much? about the short story? I was worried it’d get complicated but from the vague plot idea I have, I have a clear vision of Church Mud The Short Story separate from the novel, but I also see how it would fit into the novel as a chapter, and seeing where it’d fit in has really helped me figure out where it sits in the twins’ lives and so many elements I hadn’t considered before. I believe very strongly in Writers Intuition and my intuition is telling me that this is the direction I need to go with this project. My only issue is Church Mud doesn’t fit as a title for the novel at all and was never going to be the title, but I really don’t care oop, I’m not titling it until next year unless I come up with a title so good I want to change the short story as well lmao. But other than that this is working so well for me and really catalysed the momentum I already had atm for this story. I’ve also wanted to rework how I share Church Mud things here and this is a perfect way to at least for the next month, but before I ramble more lets actually talk about where the story is!
CHURCH MUD
Genre: literary fiction
Setting: California (+ probably some other states? Idk I’m not American wtf is a state), 1986
POV: third person present + retrospective moments, split between twins Felix and Dorothy
The Vibes: hazy summers, hot air, 3am, saltwater breeze, grainy photographs, empty roads at night, the moon blurred by clouds, arms resting out car windows, abandoned churches, telephone boxes, getting lost on purpose, cigarette smoke, dust from an old Bible
Deals with: faith & the weaponization of it to control others, identity, perceptions of reality, chosen family, independence v co-dependence, free will, trauma & what it means to “let go”
CONTENT WARNINGS: religion/religious imagery (specifically Christianity), trauma, toxic relationships, inferred addiction (all updates will be tagged with these/any more specific warnings)
This is still in very early conception, in the sense of it’s existence as a novel, but it’s definitely an expansion on the ideas I had for the short story, where these two seek to let go of their past together so they can live their own, new lives, and also restore their tangled relationship that could never be fixed through letters and distant contact.
When Dorothy left the controlling religious cult she grew up in, she never gave herself a chance to properly process the complicated emotions that came with that decision, or the trauma she went through, opting to cope with it by putting all her energy into building her new life and embracing her identity. Watching her brother navigate the same new, confusing path she took four years ago forces her to look back on her own experience, and the repressed memories of events that prompted her to leave in the first place.
When Felix catches up with her, he struggles with the realisation that adjusting to this new life and world won’t be easy, and whilst it was the right choice, his impulsive decision has ramifications. Trauma does not necessarily stay in the place you associate it with and for Felix, it’s like seeing all of it from a birds eye view, all at once, including everything he blocked out. With his faith, his sister, and his drive to be a good person, he has hope for himself and the world, but the pain and anger he harbours will not make it easy for him.
^by no means a pitch literally just the copy paste of the quick summary I wrote for myself lmao
The most exciting part of this to me is how different, yet similar the novel feels. This version of the story isn’t necessarily happier, it’s still rough around the edges, but it’s definitely from a different mindset and there’s this haziness to it that doesn’t exist in the short story. It feels like a grainy home video that they’d never let see the light of day. I wouldn’t call it dreamlike or softer because of this, but there is this distinct tonal shift from the short story to the novel that I can only describe through the aforementioned Vibes. As I said, I have an idea of where the short story would fit into the novel’s timeline as a chapter, but they still won’t be the same. The short story is obviously more restricted to one singular event, and that turns the intensity and tension up high.
This difference is also 100% influenced by the fact that the short story is set only at night (bar for some potential flashbacks), and the night plays a huge thematic and atmospheric role. Of course parts of the novel will take place at night, but the presence of daytime changes the mindset to me? In the short story it feels like they’re stuck in this perpetuate-esque night, whereas in the novel you know that the sun will always rise.
This story is also very different aesthetically, but at the same time elements of the short story’s aesthetic come into play and clash with the unique aesthetic of the novel, where they coexist, but are also in conflict with each other. As you can tell from these two moodboards where you can really see how for the second I gave up trying to make it coherent lmao:
To me there are two distinct aesthetics, and they are both very different and exist in different ways, but they are both inherently part of the story, and it feeds into this idea of perception of reality and these two realities that the twins perceive: the “outside world” and the gated world they grew up in.
The stars of the show, my favourite disaster twins:
Not fragile, but not made of stone either
Loves very hard, sometimes more than she’d like
A protective and loyal soul, especially with those she loves, but she never wants to forget to protect herself
If I’m in love with my best (female) friend, no I’m not <3
-goes to the edge of the pier and stares wistfully at the ocean so everyone knows that I am the main character-
Loves her brother more than anyone else but is struggling to figure out his new role in her life. As teenagers she felt painfully tethered to him because they were always The Twins, and she had nobody else, as adults she hopes to find a balance between their deeply close bond and their harshly different lives
Arc driven by defining your identity and then redefining it, and facing the parts of it you’d rather lock far away. Also deals with her experience growing up as a girl in a religious cult in the 60s/70s, and the relationship faith has with her feminist identity.
As of now, there’s more focus on him in the novel, since the short story focuses on Dorothy and I feel to write him from an observer perspective I need to get into his head first
Just found out restarting your life completely is hard?
Trying to be a good person, wants to be a good person, but there’s an anger in him that he hates but it’s festering and it’s growing
But ultimately he is a sweet and soft person and that’s what he wants to be in life even though it’s hard, it shows especially with his sister
I think at some point he locks himself in a cabin and? I would too
Centred around perception of trauma and v influenced by my own experiences with that, where you think things will be easier as soon as you leave that situation but really it just makes you look at everything from a distance and be like “what the fuck?? that actually happened??” (which conflicts with the fact that you KNOW you’re in a better place and you would never go back, but it hurts and it’s hard especially understanding the placement of your trauma in this new space)
I need to give this dude and his sister a happy ending for my own wellbeing. I don’t know how that’ll look but these two will get their happy endings. I actually don’t think I’ve loved two characters more and I love all my characters deeply
And I think that’s all for now! This 100% was not the direction I expected to take but I am so glad I did, and I also love the opportunity to reintroduce this story because good Lord it’s changed so much (and this instance is the most change). I also think this is the perfect Nano scenario for me, as someone who’s never done it before, there’s zero pressure on me to “win” because I don’t expect to even finish this. I’m just going to see where it takes me and see what it’s given me at the end of the month.
I’m also not outlining this at all lmao, one because me and outlines do not get along but also my Preptober is just. the work I have to do for my dissertation anyway, which is reading and gathering a lot of fiction/nonfiction about cults/religion, and all the weird and unhinged takes on it. It’s very slow but it’s also fun! My uni work this weekend is literally to read The Girls by Emma Cline so I think I won here?? I also want to dedicate the rest of October to the short stories I planned to write for Nano (I was going to work on my collection).
I don’t know if I’ll do a taglist for this - I have the og Church Mud one but like I said I’m rethinking how I want to share this story and updates for this will only be regular in November so?? But chances are I will be constantly on my bullshit for the next month and a half with this story, pretty update or no pretty update
My NaNoWriMo page is here, although fair warning I have No idea how this site works, this is my boomer moment. Excited to clown about this story though!
- Chloe
#first off my fatal flaw is interchanging between Felix and Dorothy and Dorothy and Felix#second off i would die and kill for them#writing#amwriting#writeblr#writeblr community#religion /#trauma /#nanowrimo#nanowrimo 2020
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toffee!
ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.
ah yeah ty, good suggestions.
hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(
ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)
hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)
cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe
thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track
domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*
ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album
the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy
sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha
silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either
secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it
STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.
red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved
surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?
gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining
wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)
hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha
<3 w.a. 🐺
i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.
oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.
man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d
okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!
> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)
back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.
i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.
i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.
PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)
i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!
wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ
and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA
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too 10 zelda games and why?
an ask? sick!! ok top 10 zelda games with reason coming up! (why cant i tag asks??)
1: skyward sword (duh)- Everything about this game is amazing, the soundtrack, the Npcs that feel like people, the puzzles, the controls, just everything! The storyline was linear, but really worth it! This might seem unpopular, but i also loved fi, from her aesthetic to her theme, hell i didnt mind her tips, no matter how many times i play through the game! People say they dont like having to fight the imprisoned/ghirahim 3 times. I loved the ghirahim fights and didnt mind doing it 3 times. And while the imprisoned was annoying, it was there because of plot consistency. The old woman says that too much power will draw it out, and if that didnt happen every time yall would be complaining about plot consistency. Skyward sword also had some of my favorite characters: Ghirahim and this version of Zelda!
2: Spirit tracks (wii u virtual console): this was my first Zelda game, I used to play it at family events with my cousin on his ds because social anxiety. You might think that i have it so high for nostalgia, and while that was the case for a while, i recently got the virtual console version, and played though it twice (you know when you do something recently it loses its nostalgia?) the soundtrack was great, i loved anjean, and zelda in that game was incredible. Taking the form of a phantom to help you, literally all of zeldas and links interactions were adorable. People said hey didnt like the touch controls and while they did take some getting used to, i adjusted kinda quickly, and when i played phantom hourglass afterwards, i kept dying cause the rolls were different.
3: Ocarina of time (3D): yes i didnt have an N64, fight me. Oot is a fan favorite, and for good reasons. It basically invented the zelda formula (if i have my release dates straight?) not counting alltp. Shiek is one of my favorite characters in anything ever, and admittedly, i did get a little sad when navi left. The soundtrack is good, but short when compared to other zelda games (that and it keeps getting taken off of youtube gdi!) again, ive never had an n64, so idk what the water temple was like back then, (i know about the iron boots gear screen) but from some of my cousins reactions, it seems to be a LOT better in the 3ds version
4: A link Between worlds: This is a really solid entry in the zelda series. Its got just enough difficulty that i dont remember literally everything, but easy enough that i can listen to something like TAZ while playing and understand whats happening in both. Ravio is a good character, though i wish you could steal for him. The items system was really cool, but i like that feeling of “whatre ya gonna get in this temple” that most zelda games have.
5. Minish cap (virtual console wii u): the minish cap is an all around pretty game. The graphics are just beautiful, the soundtrack is amazing, specially minish woods! And its got another of my fave characters, Vaati! Ezlo was also a great character, and sure the kinstones are annoying if youre tyring to 100% the game as are the figures, so this is why we dont 100% things! /s
6. Majoras Mask (3D): Disclaimer: i havent finished this, i was in ikana when my sister lost our copy of the game. But i know the story. MM is a game with only 4 dungeons, so it would seem short right? No, because of the 3 day system it takes longer than expected and wants you to plan out what youre doing. It had a lot of memorable sidequests and the masks were really fun as well. The soundtrack takes those OOT sounds and creates a whole new feel and its a heckin good time!
7. Twilight princess (wii): another game i havent finished! This time because spider scary, and im worried about encountering another one. Midna is super awesome, as is the wolf form and twilight sections, but on the wii, the controls are… awful. Anyone who complains about skyward swords motion controls has obviously never played this version of the game. Zant was cool, but then he was immediately overshadowed by ganondorf with little explanation. At least in Skyward sword ghirahim makes it clear that all he wants is demises resurrection.
8. Wind waker (HD): for a lot of people this is their favorite, but idk it just never really clicked with me. Maybe its because i saved in the wind temple and Makar vanished so i had to reset my game? The soundtrack was good, but not really my fave, and i didnt like the king of red lions all that much. But other than that, it was a pretty solid game, just not one of my faves.
9. Phantom hourglass (wii u virtual console): after i beat spirit tracks i just HAD to play phantom hourglass, and i gotta say, i was pretty disappointed… the temple of the ocean king was like the tower of spirits, but the time limit. Oh the time limit. Also they fucking nerfed tetra in this game cmon! Ceilia made navi nosies, which i found funny for some reason. Honestly, the only saving grace is linebeck. his theme is amazing, he did grow on me, and the final boss fight against him was *chefs kiss*
10: Botw (both wii u and switch): yeah i just dont really like botw all that much. Half of the soundtrack is pretty decent, but the other half is * 5 piano notes* “what you want MORE???” I didn’t like botw Zelda. At all. At best she was quirky and kinda annoying, and at worst she made me wanna slam my head into the wall. I also didnt care about the champions, no matter how much the game wanted me to. The divine beasts were pretty bad, and the shrines were just kinda tiresome. The graphics were pretty cool (THANK GOD THERE WERE NO SPIDERS) i mean its a cool game, just not a cool zelda game, ya know? Also this is the only game thats made my wii u crash. And it wasnt just one time. Do with that what you will
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So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)
So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE
Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)
Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know
And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side
Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!
More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!
Ok so!
This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down)
So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building)
Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?
Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people
Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)
Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.
Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.
Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.
“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth
Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)
Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)
Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively!
Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)
Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major)
Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything)
Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision
More FACTS~~
Family ages for the big families go as follows:
Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)
Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)
Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children
Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building
Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)
Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor
Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)
Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa
Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak.
Hes also good at what he does.
Family nights happen whenever they can
Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores
Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail
Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee
Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney
The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on
Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse
After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots
in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies
Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies
Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop
and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing
so loving and fond and soft with each other
you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others.
Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity
Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.
and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself.
Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat
aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!
Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders
#my au#My writing#sander sides au#sanders sides#sander sides fanfiction#human au#lamp fanfiction#LAMP#ts demus#ts remile#ts#ts roman#ts logan#ts patton#ts virgil#ts deceit#ts remus#dukedontlook#roman sanders#virgil sanders#fanged virgil#patton sanders#logan sanders#deceit sanders#sympathetic deceit#remus sanders#sympathetic remus#remy sanders#ts emile#emile picani
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Long triggering story ahead
Make sure to check the tags before reading further to keep yourself safe, okay?
Anyways, here’s the story of my abusive friendship that lasted 8 years.
I can pretty confidently say 2017-2018 was the hardest year of my life so far, but it was also the one that set me free from HER (avoiding naming her bc you could definitely find her otherwise)
I’m very very bad at math, so bad that I ended up having to repeat my last year of middle school, and I’d decided to go to the other middle school in the area so i wouldn’t have the same teachers. I was pretty quickly adopted into a fairly large friend group that liked to hang out in the library, SHE was apart of that friend group. she also sat next to me in math class, and we very quickly became friends that were nearly inseparable.
At this point in time i’d gone a few years without any real friends and my social skills were very poor, as well as my anxiety rendering me nearly mute (it still does this, but it was worse before) as i was the closest with HER, she became my “anchor” in most social situations, where i could be comfortable talking with everyone if she was talking too.
This, was where the abuse started. Where she would playfully hit me in the arm. HARD. every day, multiple times a day. I’d complain and rub my arm and she would dismiss me saying she “hadn’t hit me that hard” (I got it confirmed with another person she let one of her punches out on that it was hard as hell, and lord help you if you hit her back with the same strength)
This went on throughout high-school, along with more and more manipulation, and emotional abuse. If i did something without her approval she would be angry with me, she wanted me to keep my hair long and would get angry when i cut it, even if it looked better. If i was getting new glasses and decided on a style that she hadn’t picked out she’d be angry with me, if i wanted to see a movie she didn’t want it would take weeks of begging and making deals to watch things i had no interest in to appease her.
It was frustrating, and we argued CONSTANTLY on every little thing. She lied, pathologically, and would always try and prove herself right by yelling and hitting me in the arm until i backed down, even on things that were obviously incorrect (like: ”all raccoons are born with rabies, only gay men can get aids, japan is filthy and people shit in the streets, Spanish is the same thing and Mexican” i know, fucking crazy)
*There was one particular event that took place sometime between freshman and junior year, where on the multiple prompting of “she’ll stop hitting you if you hit her back and don’t back down” where I took that advice, and in my bedroom when she was staying over (as she did nearly every weekend, even if i didnt want her to) she’d hit me during an argument and I hit her back, this went back and forth until she got angry and angrier, until suddenly i was on my back with her hands wrapped around my throat. I remember staring at her in the eyes, until slowly she let me go. She said she didn’t know what happened, that she had “blacked out”. She didn’t apologize. I forgave her.
During this time, the friend group that we were apart of bisected and grew in different parts, some being the kids interested in theater and some being interested in other nerdy things, like video games and anime. A lot of the time, the few other friend that i had that weren’t HER often asked me “why are you still friends with her, she treats you like shit” and you may also be wondering at this point “Ulian what the hell why were you still around this person???”
Well, I’d convinced myself that she needed me, like i had once needed her as a buffer and anchor for social interaction, that i somehow owed her my patience and forgiveness for the things she did, and continued to do.
A certain event led to us breaking apart for a time, that event being her handing me a letter after several weeks of telling me how angry she was that i continued to interact with someone she didn’t like (even after she’s lied about the person being mean to her, but at this point i knew over half the things she said were lies) the letter, in briefest terms, was her blaming me and how i acted for her wanting to kill herself. She literally wrote the words “You make me want to kill myself”(hypocritical since her stance on self-harm was that people only did so for attention and people who committed suicide were weak) I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t handle the idea that something i did would have made someone want to die, and couldn’t handle that she’d just slip me a letter about it while at school and expect me to be fine.
My depression got worse, i avoided her for a time and my mental health was bad enough that it had a physical effect on me that other people commented on. I thought i was sick, and missed about a week of school.
eventually, and unfortunately, we made up. With me conditioning that she needed to treat me better, specifically “hey stop hitting me maybe??” and for the most part she did, slowly she stopped hitting me and things were much better. for awhile at least.
skipping forward a bit, we graduated, and she convinced me to go with her to college (we lasted 2 semesters and then stopped). Eventually she convinced me to start working with her at our local grocery store (bad idea) She constantly pointed out that my home life was shit and I was eager to move out of the house, and after finding a third roommate, I was living in the same house as HER (horrible idea)
although her hitting me was now something that happened very rarely, her manipulative tendencies and emotional abuse increased. And also spread to the people around us. While living together, any small mistake i made was blown up out of proportion (like not doing the dishes when she said to even though she never ever did them) and she made it seem as if i was lazy, as if i was childish and needed her in order to function. she made it so the way she treated me made sense to other people, and that i deserved how she was acting towards me.
She even threw me a kiddie themed birthday party for my 21st birthday, with a bunch of baby decorations, like think winnie the pooh themed stuff.
She constantly undermined everything i said or did, made me out to be irresponsible, invaded my privacy by forcing me to let her use my phone and computer and give her access to it, told people my secrets that i told her in confidence and bad mouthed me behind my back (as i found out from our 3rd roommate and also my GRANDMOTHER)
She also made me feel as if I couldn’t return home, that my home life (which isnt great but no one is degrading or hitting me hmmm) was horrible and that i couldn’t go back there, which i later realized was her manipulating me into feeling as if i HAD to stay with her and had no where else to go.
Living with her made all the things she did and the horrible way she treated me pile up, and left me short tempered. I knew that something needed to change, and I thought that I could get through to her and have her change how she was behaving.
We argued again, after the time she had choked me i’d backed down quite a bit, and started hating arguing since i knew she’d never listen to me. This time, once again, i argued and didn’t back down when she yelled at me.
So she SCREAMED at me, loud enough to make the house shake and have my cat try to intervene, and she threw the closest object she could find at me full force (a penny, but still scary as hell in context)
I was quiet, and I waited for a time for her to calm down. i asked “Are we going to talk about this.” and she replied “No.” And i walked out the door.
Because when i get truly, viscerally angry or upset, my response is to remove myself from the problem. I walked out the door into the night to calm myself down, shaken from the realization of the situation i was in and knowing that I couldn’t stay with her.
I began telling our other roommate and her boyfriend about the things she would say to me about them when they weren’t around, I’m not very proud of going against someones trust but at this point i was desperate to have someone on my side and willing to help me get away from her when our lease was up.
During this time she had manipulated me into coming to conclusions that i would NEVER come to on my own, such as thinking our roommate who had clinical depression only wanted attention, which is something that someone who also has depressions and many friends with depression and actively learns and cares for people with mental health issues wouldn’t ever think on my own. its not in me to think badly of other people for no reason, while she (her words) hated everyone around her by default.
eventually our roommate confronted her, and she managed to twist things around and cause a lot of tension, leaving me feeling trapped and hopeless in a house with someone who had the potential to hurt me, and also my pet cat.
She threatened things i cared about and intentionally tried to upset me, specifically threatening my cat, who is a huge emotional support for me. It sounds funny, saying i was upset because she threatened my cat, she and her mom laughed about it. no one laughs when i tell them what she was saying.
Things like “I’m going to hold her down in the drive way and have (roommate) run her over” and “I’m going to shove her in the oven and cook her alive for you to find her when you come home”
Yea, not funny. you can see why i was upset about it. She apparently couldn't, and refused to stop even when i asked her to repeatedly.
She also fully knew that i was pansexual, hell i was the reason she was even slightly okay with people in the LGBT+ community. She wasn’t great about specifically me though, and when i told her about being nonbinary she made fun of my chose name (called me Uvula) and refused to call me by my preferred pronouns.
When I came out to our roommates she said she would never call me by that stupid name or by they/them because i don’t “act nonbinary” (get a load of this guy)
Her last day in the house, she was upset with me for going into her room to take back my heated blanket that she’d taken from my room without permission (my room was cold as hell, i wasn't going to wait for her to come home at 1 am and and she already had a heated mattress pad)
I took it back of course, and our roommate asked what she was upset about (roommate and her bf had bought some food they didn't want to share, which we already discussed was fine) I told her honestly and carefully didn't badmouth HER since she was already mad, and i wanted things to be less stressful.
She blew up at me while we were at work and came for her things that night to go back to her parents house. we took care of her cat until she could figure something out for it.
During this time and the time i last saw her, several things happened, since unfortunately we worked together
She cornered me in the bottle trailer (literally a semi-truck that has bottle returns in it in huge bins. she was standing at the door and could close it at any time) and called me a horrible friend, and also a huge bitch, while we were supposed to be working and she was in a position of power over me. I panicked and said nothing.
She often made me up to an hour late for my lunches, since she was promoted to manager, and liked to skip my breaks and all around treat me like shit compared to every one else.
Despite all of this. . . I still felt as if i could forgive her, if she somehow proved she could do better that i could be friends with her again. Until she ruined that for herself by telling me that my dead father would be dissapointed in the way i was acting.
No. hell no. I was done, she didn’t deserve my forgiveness. And i finally realized that it wasn’t my job to “fix” her.
When the lease ended I moved back in with my parents, and I quit working at that job in September.
I haven’t seen her in over half a year and many of the people who knew me when she and I were close have commented on how much happier i am, and how much more confident i am in myself.
I’m sure i’ve missed a lot of things, and I know I didn’t really go over the positives of our relationship (There were some! i swear!) but if i did go over everything it would be the length of a novel.
I got away from someone who was hurting me, I decided my happiness was more important than catering to someones every whim, decided that i deserved happiness. And I learned to NEVER let someone treat me like that again, to surround myself with people who make me happy.
I hope, in whatever way, this story of my 8 year horrible friendship helped you.
And if SHE is reading this. . . Go fuck yourself.
#tw abuse#tw physical abuse#tw mental abuse#tw emotional abuse#tw emotional manipulation#tw animal abuse#tw homophobia#tw transphobia#tw gaslighting#tw manipulation#i am a dramatic and sad little binch who didnt proofread this#true story tho
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Rec List #1 Theme: 2018 Favourites
One of my fandom resolutions is to rec more in 2019. I’m going to post rec lists for some of my favourite Nick fics divided up by theme/content/ship or whatever I fancy throughout the year. It seems fitting that my first rec post of 2019 should be my favourite Nick Fics of 2018. If you’re interested in my Harry Potter themed recs, you can find them over on my other blog @writcraft under the tag #writ recs where I’m undertaking the same initiative.
This is by no means an exhaustive list - I’m limiting myself to ten recs per list and it is very difficult, I could have recced many more. I’ve read and enjoyed a whole raft of terrific stories and this rec list is simply based on my personal tastes which may not be everybody else’s cuppa. Please heed the content warnings the author has flagged on AO3 in each case, none of my recs include the content tags.
#1. Ten Track Sophomore Album by @junkshop-disco
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 4,228
Nick has always lived in noise, been the cause of a lot of it, but one day a boy writes him into a pop song and the whole world dissolves into static.
It doesn’t happen like that, not that easy, not that linear, but that’s the heart of it, the soul, if these things have such a thing.
My Rec: The Nick fic of 2018 is undoubtedly the final installment of junkshop-disco’s incredible Doodle of a Surface Life but that has quite rightly garnered so many recs by now if any Gryles reader hasn’t yet indulged, run, quick, what are you waiting for? I love DOASL with all of my heart, but I’m also a sucker for angst and I wanted to highlight this equally terrific fic in my rec list. The structure of this story, in which Nick loses his ability to hear music, is so cleverly done. It’s a very skilled writer that can create an entire fic around sound and make it come alive, and junkshop-disco manages it brilliantly. The fic reads like music, even as it describes the absence of it and it’s a stunning piece of writing. If you like your Gryles contemplative and angsty with confident, lyrical prose, this is the one for you. Junkshop-disco has such a terrific way with words I highly recommend reading all the works by this author. Every single one. But when you do make sure you take a moment to stop by this beautiful story and leave it all the love it deserves.
#2. Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf
Nick Grimshaw/Elgar Johnson/Louis Tomlinson | 73,224
Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.
When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.
They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.
My Rec: This is such a great exploration of polyamory and the complexities of open relationships, and the author took a great deal of time developing the relationships between the characters and really working on highlighting some of those difficulties. I tend to gravitate towards fanfic where I care deeply about the characters, and although Elgar seems terrific I don’t have the same fannish relationship to him as I do to Nick and Louis so I was curious to know how I would respond to this fic. Basically, the author killed it. I felt such a deep investment in Elgar, Nick and Louis throughout and everything just flew by as I was reading. It’s also really fucking hot. Like, REALLY. Brilliantly done. I loved it.
#3. Let The Boys All Sing And The Boys All Shout For Tomorrow by @lunarrua
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 18,429
It's February 1988. Thatcher is in power. There's a new drug sweeping through the clubbing scene. In Manchester, it's the eve of a major protest and a new musical movement. And when Nick finds Harry looking lost outside his favourite chip shop, it's the start of a weekend that will leave an indelible mark on both their lives.
My Rec: I saw the summary for this fic and actually yelled at my screen when it popped into my inbox. Gryles, set in Manchester in the 80s? Hell yes. The fic itself certainly didn’t disappoint, it’s absolutely beautiful. The author writes a well-researched, confident piece and the result is stunning. The atmosphere of the whole story is captivating and you can feel yourself transported to the heady days before the Manchester music scene shifted, the anxieties of the AIDS crisis and the fragility of the relationships formed during that period. The Harry of this fic has a transient quality which evokes the nostalgic reflection on a different time in our not so distant past. A real triumph. I loved this story with my whole heart.
#4. Séjour by @silveredsound
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6,288
It is so quiet, which should be conducive to concentration, but Nick is bored and listless and lonely. He’s been there for two days and wants to know where the helpful lady is who’ll deliver him a gamine but takes-no-shit housekeeper who he can fall in love with without words. Words are not his friend.
“Where is my Love Actually moment?” he asks the ceramic kitchen sink as he pokes holes in the cover of one of the M&S ready meals he brought over with him.
«≠»
Nick’s got writer's block. Louis is a master of distraction.
My Rec: I’ve loved a number of stories by Silv this year and I was swinging back and forth between this and others, but there’s something about this little fic that has wormed its way into my heart and has taken hold so this is the one I’m choosing. As I said in my earlier reblog rec, this has such lush, evocative prose it perfectly captures the sense of a fleeting summer. There’s a seductive quietness to it, and a lovely unfolding of the story through snippets of tasting notes left by Louis on bottles of wine and Nick feeling a little bit lost and searching for words as he struggles with writer’s block. Two boys find one another in the warmth of a sleepy French town and it’s beautiful. Really wonderfully done.
#5. Fists & Flowers ‘Verse by @jiksax
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 1,613 (Make It Worse) and 2,322 (I’ll Do What You Like (If You Stay The Night)
He’s looking at Nick with that soft, terrible look in his eyes, the look that tells Nick the two of them are probably something.
My Rec: If anyone other than Jiksa had told me they were planning an angsty fisting fic series I would have been like umm really? But of course, it’s Jiksa, so naturally I found myself sobbing at the raw, devastating intensity of the story. Jiksa deftly weaves the intensity of the physical act itself into the emotional tumult of Harry and Nick’s relationship in a way that’s incredibly beautiful. A bold, brave, superb piece of hot, confident writing, rich with emotional complexity. Gorgeous.
#6. Constantly on the Cusp by @shiftylinguini
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6169
It’s 5 in the morning, and Nick’s got an alarm going off, an unexpected bed full of pop star, and a nation to wake up.
It’s far too fucking early for this.
My Rec: UNFFFFF. I love Shifty’s writing. Like, an obsessive amount. I was so thrilled when Shifty started writing Tomlinshaw I didn’t know quite what to do with myself. It’s actually hard to believe this was Shifty’s first Tomlinshaw, because everything about the fic felt like they have been writing them for years. Louis is sleepy, horny and pissed off, Nick is awake, horny and wondering what it all means, and together they have this scorching hot, sexy moment. Nick’s internal monologue gives us so much insight into their relationship and the fic offers a lovely, warm, hopeful moment at the end. Fantastically written and a sexy delight from start to finish. Loved it!
#7. this cookie’s baking by @disgruntledkittenface
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles (Genderswap Femslash) | 8,148
Harry’s eyes flicker between Nick’s eyes and lips. “I just want to be your–”
“Baby,” Nick says softly, cupping Harry’s jaw, “you already are.”
Nick and Harry have a long-overdue conversation.
My Rec: This was the first genderswap Gryles fic I have read and I absolutely loved it. The relationship between Nick and Harry feels so perfectly them and there’s a lovely warmth to the whole story. It’s light and funny but also contains moments of real emotional depth and those first time explorations and the hesitancy of admitting to being something more than friends is handled in such a terrific way. It’s a gorgeous story with wonderful writing and I loved every minute of reading it.
#8. let’s make some new rules by @camiii
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 12,743
A coffee shop, a Christmas party & a fake date to make sure no one gets laid at the end of the night.
My Rec: This was such an enjoyable read. I love camiii’s Tomlinshaw, and seeing this pop up was a wonderful surprise. Barista Louis agrees to be Nick’s fake boyfriend as he pines over an ex that definitely isn’t worth his time, and they become closer in the process. The pace of the story is wonderful, the flirting is brilliant and despite some misunderstandings and Nick’s no good ex trying to fuck things up, the ending is warm and hopeful. A lovely story, full of festive cheer. Thoroughly enjoyable.
#9. I’ll be seeing you by @daretomarvel / renlyne
Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 11,481
It’s 2028, and Nick’s bought a house.
My Rec: I love Ren’s writing and this Notebook inspired Gryles is a beautiful treat of a story, in which Nick starts buying little bits for his dream house. It’s hard to believe this story is just over 11,000 words because the world the author creates is so rich, detailed, layered and complex. The relationship between Nick and Harry has all of these gorgeous details and nuggets of history as it grows and develops, seedling-like, into something that might just be everything they’ve both been searching for. It’s a warm, hopeful, beautiful story but as it’s Ren, it manages to still tug at the heartstrings in the best kind of way. I read this again as I was putting my rec list together and did so with a lump in my throat, full of feels for the Nick and Harry of Ren’s universe. Gorgeous writing with bags of emotional intensity. I loved it.
#10. All I’ve ever had are love songs by @candybarrnerd / icarusinflight
Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 21,688
Things are finally coming together for Nick.
Nick is the DJ of his uni's radio stations, and he passively aggressively dedicates a song to Louis.
My Rec: Icarusinflight is another author who was already on my periphery from Harry Potter fandom who wrote their first Tomlinshaw fic this year and I was so thrilled to see them writing in this fandom and I’m very excited about their upcoming 2019 projects which also includes fics featuring the 1D boys in various ship combos. I love uni AUs and I hadn't read one for a while, so this was such a treat. I loved how Louis is sharp, sassy and confident but with niggling insecurities. Harry was so affectionately humorous in this story and Nick’s voice is wonderful. This is a really well-paced, enjoyable story with a hot af first kiss that deserves a mention all of its own. The music references, the tea and the cameos from various 1D members are all terrific and the writing is brilliant. Can’t wait for more from this author this year.
Bonus Rec: I was meant to limit this to just 10 recs but I also wanted to give a quick shout out to @nightwideopen. I’ve said this in previous rec lists before, but I am constantly impressed by the quality of @nightwideopen‘s writing and the way they explore things such as asexuality and gender dysphoria which can be harder to find in a relatively small fandom. I’d particularly rec so far (it’s alright) and i’ve been thinking lots about your mouth from this year, both Tomlinshaw.
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Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀
:OOO
you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply
1. wats ur scene name?
i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx
2. describe ur dream outfit!
oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:
(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)
3. describe ur dream haircut!
oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!
yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!
4. describe ur dream room!
i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!
MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM
(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)
5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?
oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr
6. wat would u write on ur shoez?
it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd
7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?
i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!
8. fave genrez?
i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w
9. fave bandz?
im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool
10. fave songz?
my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo
11. fave lyricz?
‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘
its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe
12. hav u evr been to a concert?
not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;
13. do u wanna be in a band?
ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice
14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?
havent rlly had any as of rn my lad so i wouldnt know :/
15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?
i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,
16. wats da best old meme?
ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened
17. best place 2 buy clothez?
i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me
18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?
OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe
19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?
im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc
20. opinion on furbiez?
oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE
21. opinion on funko popz?
i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool
22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)
i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!
23. fave color combo?
i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx
24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?
im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees
25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0
as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w
26. wats ur fav typin quirk?
i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>
27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?
hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c
28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!
:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!
@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)
@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v
@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>
29. wat got u into scenecore?
i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll
30. how long hav u been scene?
i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;
31. wats da best thing abt being scene?
the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really
32. do u hav a fursona?
i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/
33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?
YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS
34. do u liek plushiez?
YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine
35. do u liek stickerz?
also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!
its so cuuute!!!
36. do u hav a friendproject?
i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha
37. do u hav any other scene account?
well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!
38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)
YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!
39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)
hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;
its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!
40. ask ur own randum question!!
hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3
phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3
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Christmas in Lights | Junmyeon (part 1)
Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Neighbor!AU
Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader
Word Count: 2701
Warnings: None!
Summary: Kim Junmyeon has been your sworn enemy ever since he beat you in the annual town Halloween decorating competition and now you will stop at nothing to beat him in the Christmas decorating competition. (This is part 1 of a 2 part story)
A/N: This was written as part of the @exo-writers-net December Collab Event! I was lucky enough to be partnered with @morkmywords I absolutely love all of her fics (I personally recommend Not Really a Cinderella Story and Peaches). And we’re sorta down to the wire on posting these, but better late than never, right??? @morkmywords wrote part 2!
PART 2 HERE
You looked up from your paperwork when the door to your office opened. Walking in the door was Kim Seju, a third grader and also your most frequent visitor. He was holding his elbow and had a small frown.
"Miss (Y/N)?" He asked with a frown.
You gave him a smile, "How's it going, Seju?"
He held out his arm out toward you, "I fell down and scraped my arm while I was playing tag."
You pressed your lips together, trying to not laugh as you reached for your first aid kit. This was the third time this week. This kid always got hurt in some way. Good thing your
He went over to his usual chair in the office and sat down next to you as you opened up the kit. You started to clean his scrape with the alcohol wipe. You started to talk to him to distract him from the pain.
"Any plans for winter break, Seju?" You asked, careful to not press down too hard to cause him more pain.
Seju winced, "Not really. It'll just be me and my dad this year. Dad doesn't have a girlfriend this year or anything so we don't have to go anywhere which is nice."
You nodded as Seju rambled on. You had already placed the bandage on his scrape but he didn't notice. You couldn't help but find his rambling endearing. At the mention of the lack of holiday plans, you had to hold yourself from scowling.
"So you and your dad are just staying home this year, huh?" You asked, a little bitter.
Seju looked at you, confused. "Yeah? But what about you, Miss (Y/N)?"
You shrugged, "I don't have any plans with family. My sister decided to go to the Bahamas with her husband. So I'm all alone this year."
For the third year in a row, you couldn't help but think bitterly. Well, you could blame it on her lavish lifestyle. She had certainly changed ever since she won the lottery.
Then again, she did gift you a house that you wouldn't have been able to afford on a school nurse salary. It was in a nice neighborhood, though you couldn't help but think it was probably the cheapest one.
You didn't have any actual plans for Christmas, but you had more important plans leading up to it. Possibly diabolical ones.
As if summoned by your thoughts, the door to your office opened again.
Walking in wearing a dark gray suit was Kim fucking Junmyeon.
He looked around the office confused until his gaze rested on you. He smiled wide, his eyes crinkling slightly.
"Knew I'd find you here," he said.
Not at you. But the boy sitting next to you.
"Dad!" Seju exclaimed, jumping out of his seat super fast and running to his father.
You watched as Junmyeon bent down to give Seju a hug. And if it were any other parent, you would have found this a cute scene.
Junmyeon locked eyes with you over Seju's shoulder, smirking. It made you seethe.
"What are you doing here?" Seju asked when he pulled away from the hug.
Junmyeon smiled and patted his son's head. "I'm pulling you out of school for your dentist appointment, remember?"
Seju pouted. "I hate going to the dentist."
Junmyeon laughed. "Well, if you don't have cavities, we can make cookies tonight, okay?"
"Really?"
"Of course!"
The bell rang, signaling the end of recess. Junmyeon nudged his son. "You go get your stuff and meet me back here, okay? I already talked to the office and your teacher."
"Okay!" Seju exclaimed, running out of the office. "Be back!"
Part of you hoped that Junmyeon would leave or wait outside, so your veins thrummed when he simply hung around.
"You going to the meeting later?" Junmyeon asked, leaning on your desk. You wanted nothing more than to smack his arms away.
"Do I really have a choice? Minseok would skin me alive if I skipped," you scoffed.
Minseok never forgave poor Baekhyun when he skipped a neighborhood community meeting to sleep early. He had put Baekhyun on cleanup duty for the three months after.
You locked eyes with him and he smirked. You wanted to slap it off of his face.
"I think he's going to announce the Christmas decorating contest tonight. Are you prepared to lose again? Ready for a repeat of Halloween?" he teased.
If you were a cartoon, steam would have been coming out of your ears. He laughed at your expression.
Seju opened the door once again, his backpack haphazardly thrown on. "You ready to go, Dad?"
"Yeah, let's go, buddy." He went to the door but turned around and winked at you. "I'll see you later, Miss (Y/N)."
Seju waved at you enthusiastically. "Have a good day, Miss (Y/N)! Thank you for the band-aid!!"
You gave the child a small wave back. You also tried not to look at Junmyeon's butt as he walked away.
You failed.
Shit.
Neighborhood community meetings were always interesting. You figured it was a perk to knowing everyone
It gave you the chance to see people you were otherwise too busy to see due to differing schedules. Like Zhang Yixing, who travelled a lot but always made time to come to each meeting. And Do Kyungsoo, who always made enough food for everyone.
Especially after the time Jongin was in charge of the food and gave everyone food poisoning because of bad fried chicken.
It also gave everyone the opportunity to gossip like the catty housewives they pretended they wanted to be.
Like Kim Jongdae, who was once again passive-aggressive in telling Chanyeol that his bushes were three inches too high for regulation. You had no idea if Chanyeol was playing dumb or if he genuinely didnt pick up what Jongdae was trying to tell him.
You sat towards the back of the hall that was usually used for these meetings. You looked up when you felt someone take the seat next to you.
Oh Sehun slumped in his seat, which you found odd because he usually had perfect posture. He sipped at his coffee that was usually provided at these meetings. His eye bags were dark and extreme.
"Everything okay?" You asked.
"I've been up for thirty hours," he mumbled.
"Why?"
He opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Minseok who stood at the podium. He looked adorable in his Santa hat.
"I'm glad that everyone could make it today!" He greeted warmly. "We have a bit to talk about today but I'll cut to the chase with our more exciting news. We are hosting another round of our Christmas decorating contest!"
You squeezed the hem of your skirt tightly in anticipation.
"This year's theme is Lights! So make sure you make your house light up the night this year!" Minseok announced.
He rambled on but your eyes trailed over to where you knew Junnyeon was sitting. You had been hyper aware of him ever since he entered the room.
He looked over and locked eyes with you, a growing smirk on his face.
You scowled. What a dick.
"Are you still mad about him beating you on Halloween?" Sehun asked, you could tell from his teasing tone that he was amused.
"Of course. What's passed is past. I just think it was ridiculous that he won even though Nightmare Before Christmas is clearly a Christmas movie and not a Halloween movie," you scoffed.
"You're such a sore loser," Sehun chuckled.
"Just you watch asshole," you grumbled. "I'm gonna beat him this year."
To say that you and Junmyeon had a history would be ridiculous. You had known him for a little less than a year, and for most of it you thought that he was a perfect gentleman. He definitely had his cool and suave sides, accentuated by the way he dressed in his suits for work. There was a charm about him that drew you to him immediately. It also helped that he was incredibly attractive. You felt yourself melt every time he threw a smile toward you.
You could say that you harbored a little tiny crush on him.
And then Halloween happened.
Your neighborhood was famous—borderline notorious—for the Christmas decoration contest held every year. And for the last five years (including the first year that the house was gifted to you by your millionaire sister) the title for Best Decorator had been yours for the last five years.
You were gifted a reindeer shaped statuette each year with the title Best Decorator and the year etched under it on its base. It was perhaps a little bit overboard, but you appreciated the sentiment and had each statuette proudly displayed on the mantle of your fireplace.
So when a Halloween version opened up this year, you gunned for first place as well. You spent a lot of time researching fog machines and projectors. You went to haunted houses with the intent on taking notes on how to successfully make a scary aura.
You had thought that your only competition would be Sehun, who thought that TP-ing his own house counted as Halloween decorating.
Oh, how wrong you were.
Kim Junmyeon won the title for Best Halloween Decorator. He had managed to turn his front yard into a recreation of a Tim Burton movie seemingly overnight. You could see elements of both Nightmare Before Christmas and Beetlejuice in his decoration. And because of it, he stole the title from right under your nose.
It took you until almost Thanksgiving to get over the loss, but you had acknowledged Junmyeon as your rival. You resolved to keep your title for Christmas and crush him.
You still adored Seju though, even though the kid got hurt enough at school to where you worried over him, seeing him was still the only good part of your day sometimes.
You unlocked the door to your car only to freeze at what was inside. You looked around confused until you found a tiny card on your dashboard and opened it.
You immediately ripped the card in anger.
A door opened next door, Sehun was walking out, presumably leaving for work.
You dropped the pieces of card on the ground and charged at Sehun, your hands wrapping around his neck. He yelped in surprise.
“Why did you help Junmyeon break into my car?” you growled.
“How did you know?” Sehun asked, voice barely escaping in your grip.
“Only you are crafty enough to break into a car without breaking a window.”
His eyes suddenly shined at the odd compliment. You thought that it was weird that he was flattered. “You think I’m crafty?”
You nodded. “Like how Kevin McCallister from Home Alone is crafty.” You let go of Sehun’s neck, he bent over to catch his breath. “But that’s beside the point! Why did you help him do it?”
Sehun shrugged. “He just asked me to do it and I did. He didn’t tell me why.”
“He left a bajillion Christmas themed pacifiers in my car,” you said, frustrated. “Along with a card that said, ‘You might need these for when I beat you in the contest.’”
“This rivalry you guys have is the weirdest form of foreplay,” Sehun wheezed, rubbing his neck.
“What are you talking about?” you asked.
Sehun rolled his eyes. “C’mon, (Y/N), it’s clear that you two have a thing for each other.”
“I do not have a thing for Kim Junmyeon!” you exclaimed angrily, uncaring if the entire neighborhood heard you.
“The way you stare at his butt begs to differ,” Sehun muttered bitterly.
You rolled your eyes. In another world you thought you and Sehun would be a good match, but his interests more aligned with musicians who wore too many muscle shirts.
Before you could open your mouth to reply—probably to tease him about his petty jealously—Sehun’s front door opened again, revealing Chanyeol who strided over to Sehun with his signature grin.
“Sehun-ah!” he called out. He handed Sehun a paper bag. “You forgot your lunch.”
Sehun smiled, eyes squinting into crescents. “Thank you, hyung. I appreciate it.”
You looked back and forth between them.
Sehun, as if remembering what was happening and where he was, looked at you panicked. “This isn’t what it looks like?”
You quirked an eyebrow, “Good, because I don’t have the emotional capacity to unpack this right now. Just don’t help Junmyeon break into my shit ever again.” You turned around and stomped away. “I have an ass to beat this Christmas!”
“Kinky!” Sehun yelled to your retreating back.
You flipped him off.
You opened the door to see Seju shuffling nervously, holding a giant plastic bag in his hands. You blinked, confused, before shaking it off.
You smiled, "Seju, how is your break going?"
"Good, Miss (Y/N)!" Seju answered enthusiastically. He thrust the plastic bag at you. "I made these for you!"
The contents of the bag looked questionable. Inside looked what appeared to be black star-shaped lumps. You hesitated to take them, but you didn't want to hurt Seju's feelings.
"Thank you, Seju. What are these?" You asked.
He tilted his head at you, confused. "Can't you tell? They're cookies!"
You gulped before putting on a stronger, faker, smile. "Of course they are, how silly of me."
"I made them to thank you for taking care of me!" Seju grinned.
You were touched by the sentiment. "You're very welcome, Seju. Just be more careful when school starts back up again, okay?"
Seju nodded, "Okay!"
Deep down, you knew that nothing much would change.
Seju waved goodbye as he went back to his house, leaving you with the bag of lump-shaped cookies. You closed the door and sighed. Should you throw them away?
Another knock on the door startled you out of your thoughts.
You opened the door again, surprised to see Junmyeon at your doorstep. He was most certainly dressed down. He wore a plain white shirt with gray sweatpants. His hair, not styled, was pushed out of his face by a headband. His hands were behind his back, and you could see the tiniest peek at how defined his chest was.
How did he still look so good even in casual clothes?
"Hi?" You asked. "What are you doing here?"
Junmyeon sighed. "Whatever you do, do not eat those cookies." He revealed another plastic bag from behind his back. This time, you could clearly see that they were cookies. You gingerly took them from his outstretched hands.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" You asked with a glare.
Junmyeon shrugged. "My son likes you."
You rolled your eyes. "You're just buttering me up so that I could let my guard down for the competition."
His lips quirked up in a teasing smile. "Is it working?"
"As if," you huffed. "Delicious sweets won't work on me."
You were about to slam the door in his face but stopped yourself.
"Thank you, though," you mumbled. "I had no idea what I was going to do with Seju's cookies."
Junmyeon smiled bigger this time, more genuine. "My pleasure, (Y/N)."
You walked out on your front porch and screamed.
"What the hell is this?!"
You dont know how, but overnight your front yard had become a reenactment of Nightmare Before Christmas. You had come face to face with Jack Skellington in a Santa costume, smiling in a way that unsettled you. There was a note sticking on his chest with your name written in neat scrawl. You instantly recognized the writing.
You opened the note.
'You're right, Nightmare Before Christmas is much more of a Christmas movie than a Halloween movie. Maybe if I gave you these you'd stand a chance at beating me.
--Junmyeon'
You crushed the note in your hand and pushed Jack Skellington over, screaming.
You spied Sehun out of the corner of your eye, who raised his hands in surrender and shook his head, wanting to let you know that he had nothing to do with this one.
You stomped over to the rest of the decorations, pulling them down.
Kim Junmyeon just struck your last nerve.
PART 2
#exodecembercollab18#exowritersnet#kim junmyeon#junmyeon#junmyeon/reader#morkmywords collab#ITS STILL DECEMBER WHERE I AM SO THIS IS TOTALLY ON TIME#kiki writes stuff sometimes#mine
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on hole
ok so this posts been a long time a comin’ but i finally feel like im drunk enough to talk about (and never shut the fuck up about) one of my favorite bands... Hole
hole’s music has meant a lot to me since i picked up Live Through This at some boring ass used cd store that also happened to sell erotic fantasy novels about good fathers. but anyway. holes music is for women with bad fathers. women who are kind of fucked up and angry about it, too. women who have trauma and scars and are kinda gross. women who were wronged but somehow by the grace of god empowered in the face of their horrible experiences.
or at least it feels like that, dont it?
that was the main appeal of hole to me, anyway. i fell in love with this album around the second or third listen through. i was like, damn, shes pissed. it was so refreshing to hear a woman just screaming out her frustrations. how cathartic must it have been to be able to not only get it out, but also be taken somewhat seriously? of course hole never got the recognition they deserved. im of the unpopular opinion that they were waayyyy better than nirvana. without sounding kinda sappy... you know what fuck it im not apologizing to any of u. hole totally made me embrace womanhood. it influenced my own, much beloved way to just exist.
but also i guess i just really love tunes.
ps im not here for the courtney killed kurt debate lmfao!!
ok so heres the part where i write my onions about their four studio albums
Pretty On the Inside
their first album and admittedly, my least favorite (that doesnt say much because i still really enjoy it). its sound is much more abrasive. love employs her most guttural screams in this one, but ill get to that. to its credit, its the most experimental but many interpret it as amateur guitar screeches and song bits just hashed together. and maybe theyre right! but what band doesnt have that not-quite-there-yet first album? its an unrefined, beautiful mess. A song title or two is spelled wrong. Garbadge man is one that comes to mind. and for some reason, its just... fitting. its an artistic mistake left in and its so dumb but thats the fun in it! thats the punk in it! they dont give a fuck so why should you? this album is a messy bitch.
track im gonna nut about: mrs. jones
this song is apparently about a back alley abortion, and its just as brutal. love is screaming, just guttural sounds and expletives and nauseating lyrics. when i first heard it, i was absolutely entranced in the atrocity of it all. shes sweating, panting. i will follow you down the sick drain
other favorite tracks: teenage whore, good sister bad sister, pretty on the inside
Live Through This
their most popular album also happens to be my favorite! the start of it all...
i havent shut up about this album since day one because i just like it so much! she refines her skills and just comes out with a successful album that ties an array of horrible themes and wraps them up in a pretty pink bow. its soft aesthetic covers the dark, sickening themes that make the album. rape, anorexia, self harm, self hatred, violence, abuse... the list goes on. someone i one knew asked me why women with bipolar disorder and bpd love hole so much and i had to bite my tongue but to be brutally honest we probably like it because love had the nuts to scream about taboo themes that are so hurtfully common in our lives. just like how the depressed rally behind the smiths. oh that and the musics awesome. but anyway, the cover is a beauty queen the moment shes crowned. its supposed to represent someone who has fought, clawed, and fucked her way to the top. but look! shes the queen! shes the beauty queen! everyone will finally love her and treat her with respect! and all she had to do was sell her soul. all she had to do was get abused over and over to the point of breakdown. but she made it, didnt she? i mean, look how pretty the crown is!
favorite track im not gonna shut up about: i think i would die
im gonna be super lazy and just copy and paste what i wrote up one time when i talked about this song before:
wait nevermind i cant search for my post through my tag because tumblr is broken. something about breastmilk? ill update once i find it lmao.
other favorite tracks: violet, softer softest, miss world
Celebrity Skin
i dont have as many onions on this one. supposedly, love didnt want this album to become ‘the widow album’, but theres a song or two about kurt’s death snuck in there. this albums loud, but not nearly as angry as the first two. in fact, when shes not singing catchy pop tunes about how jaded she is, shes being sincere and heartfelt. all in all, its a fantastic album and my second favorite that hole has to offer.
favorite track of the album: heaven tonight
ive heard two stories about what this songs supposedly about. on one hand, people say its about two lovers. the girl wants to lose her virginity to the guy, so she drives (recklessly) to his house and dies in an accident. she’ll never grow old, she’ll go to heaven tonight. on the other hand, i heard that love just wanted a fun song to sing to her daughter, frances bean. either way, it makes me want to dance. so idk if its about teenagers fucking or about a little girl who just needed a song, but its cool.
other favorite tracks: awful, celebrity skin, reasons to be beautiful
Nobody’s Daughter
years later, hole released their final album. when i first heard it, i was disappointed. the first track was great, but then.... i noticed her voice had deteriorated significantly due to her smoking and other vocal abuse. and i thought, damn, i really wish she released this when she was younger. she sounds normal when she screams, but i guess to compensate when singing softer parts, she does this kind of weird weird thing when enunciating that... ok i cant pinpoint or describe what exactly it is but it kinda sucks. ‘honey’ is the only hole song that i dont like very much, and its the best song to use as an example when trying to explain how her voice got all fucked. now, we cant all be bowie (whose singing voice only got better after years of smoking). but still.
anyways, i listened to the album again, and i mean really listened to it. and actually! the smoker voice is the beauty of it! its a woman who is past jaded and past giving fucks about anyone or anything. its songs from a woman of experience. and she still sounds badass! her voice is so rough, she sounds like she could still fuck anyone up. its exciting.
favorite track to get all sappy about: letter to god
i really found an appreciation for this song. this is a song about someone who cant be saved. and isnt that fucked up? youre so bad, so hated by all of those around you, but no one can hate you as much as yourself. and you try everything to pick yourself up but just nothing works. and everyone has their two cents in what they think will help you. but youve tried every med in the book and youve tried this and that and the other thing, and you come to the conclusion that you just cant be saved. youre drowning. so what do you do? you turn to god, a supernatural all-mighty being. but shit, i hope he can help you. because if he doesnt, fucking nothing ever will. so go write him that letter.
i never wanted to be the person you see
other favorite tracks: nobodys daughter, skinny little bitch
and thats what i have to say about that!
#hole#courtney love#long post#goddamn this took forever to write lol i just had a lot to say#and still have more but ill shut up... for now.#im not actually drunk but i wrote this post last night at like 1 am#well i was drunk but not christmas morning damn
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