#this is how i treat matt's dealing with pain anyway
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so i've asked briefcasejuice about this already but i'd also like your take too - since you're part of the daredevil tumblr fandom council and all ...
I'm writing this scene and one of my ocs asks matt if he can handle spicy food and i wanted him to explain this whole thing about pain receptors in his mouth being "sensitive"... and how he hated pineapple because of the bromelain...(the substance that breaks up the protein in your mouth, that's why it's tingly)
and then my oc asks about like regular "body" pain since touch is after all one of the senses of his that have been heightened, and he explains something along the lines of even if the feeling of pain is heightened -- his body isn't actually weaker or more sensitive - so while he gets injured like anyone else he feels the pain of those injuries differently (more). over time he has gotten used to it but its still something he's working on as he hurts himself worse with every fight.
WHAT I'M GETTING AT is that i came to @briefcasejuice about this because they're very knowledgeable about matt stuff and comic matt especially, and they told me it did sound pretty accurate - so now i guess i just want to know -
how do you interpret or view matt's sensibility when it comes to pain - and if it came up in TRT (which maybe it did and i forgot oops?) how would you write it out?
and btw - congrats on the mango thing!! what's next on the fruit discovery journey 🤨 (what else can i be shocked that you didn't try)
Ok first of I love the idea of a Daredevil tumblr fandom council, because now I've got the image of all of us gathered solemnly to talk about DD fandom topics and headcanons like
Second off, ooooh this is a good question. I can't remember if I've ever gotten deep into it in TRT, although it'll probably come up eventually. But I absolutely agree with @briefcasejuice, and with your take on it. This seems right, for a couple reasons, including my own experience with pain.
So a lot of this is based on my own issues (and one of the reasons I relate really strongly to Matt's sense of touch, touch starvation, and pain, and when writing generally include him being comforted and going near comatose beneath gentle touch). Without getting too specific, due to chronic pain and health problems, I experience something called allodynia - "pain due to a stimulus that does not normally provoke pain." Basically, my nerves are all spun up to 11 and even light sensation often reads as pain, regardless of whether I'm actually hurt - Matt's comment about 'cotton feels like sandpaper on my skin'? I get that, cause rough fabric's painful to me (another ex: put icy hot on my skin once, just about clawed it off my arm because I was convinced something had gone wrong and it was burning me). And on bad days, even very soft fabrics or, hell, a breeze, any sensation anywhere I have nerves feel like bits of glass grinding into a burn. Best explanation I have for a really bad day. And we know Matt's sense of touch is heightened. So I often think he feels a lot like me, and how you described it feels right.
Everything hurts more, even if you're not being hurt more, and even if your body's strong enough physically to take whatever's being done. Physically, there's no reason his body can't handle cotton sheets, or a food with acid, and God knows the man can take a punch. Functionally, his body is fine. But his nerves don't act that way. They send way more signals than they need to, and sure, this helps if he's trying to use them to his own advantage, but it also means he's left wide open to a far higher degree of pain from stimuli that most of us would consider more minor (pineapple, in this case) along with the pain we all regularly avoid.
Does he mostly block it out? Yes. Especially on a day to day, to the point where he may actually miss smaller injuries because he's focused on tuning out other, larger pains. I know I do - your brain eventually just goes 'oh new baseline and I still need to live so Imma put everything below it into the background so it doesn't stop us doing what we need to'. I hug people, I touch things that are rough, I use hot water with the dishes, and if I focus on it, I remember that it hurts a bit, but I've learned to tune that out for the most part. Much like me, Matt's dealt with this for years, so while he does what he can (soft sheets, avoiding certain foods, wearing certain types of clothes), he's gotten used to a lot of the day to day stuff he can't avoid, though like you said, as the injuries pile up, it just gets worse and worse as that pain stacks. Some of it might be tempered by surges of adrenaline and endorphins (why I theorize he can fight even when injured - tune it out thanks to all the practice, PLUS fighting so ferociously that his body pumps him up until he can ignore it, at least until he crashes afterwards, and crashes hard), but he's definitely feeling it far, far worse.
So I basically think it's likely, especially when pain is stacking, that he's just made a bunch of calculations for his everyday life on what's worth the pain and what isn't - certain foods? No point. Cotton sheets? No point. There is no benefit, and so he comfortably avoids it, whereas going out to fight he generally always sees as worth it since there's a tangible benefit. Those calculations at least are something we all do every day - we decide the pain of a tattoo or working out or that sour candy is worth it cause it gives us something we like. Matt just takes it up to 11. I can absolutely see him taking something like, say, pineapple - tingly and acidic - and not only feeling pain when eating it but also just literally running the mental math and going, 'yeah not worth it' because he's in enough pain day to day thanks to injuries and other things he can't avoid.
In summary: you're right and I headcanon Matt operates much like someone who's been dealing with allodynia for a while, which means he'd feel more pain from stimuli even if it's not hurting him, so he chooses things in his day-to-day to avoid and then just throws himself into the pain on big things and hopes the endorphins and adrenaline will help him tune it out.
LASTLY THANK YOU ON THE MANGO! I cannot BELIEVE I went so long without knowing how fucking delicious they were. New fruits I haven't tried that are on my list now that I realized I need to find if there are MORE DELICIOUS UNKNOWNS LIKE MANGOS: boysenberries, figs, grapefruit, guava, kumquats, passionfruit, papaya, prickly pears, and satsumas!
#daredevil#matt murdock#headcanon#allodynia#this is how i treat matt's dealing with pain anyway#i know it's not exact so i often make some adjustments#but there's just things he's said or done that resonate too much for my brain not to go 'like me??? matt is like me???'#which is strangely comforting#and so i've used a lot of personal experience to fill in the gaps on how he might operate in his day to day#and how he might function#in that he's YES more sensitive to pain even if there's not technically more pain#he just FEELS it more and his nerves TELL him it hurts more even if it's NOT hurting more#on the up (down?) side he can probably stand getting stitched up easily because he's felt way WAY more pain so it barely registers#because he's so used to tuning out even more pain so his brain's used to filing that away#BUT#when his concentration is down or he's tired that gets harder#same during injury stacking which'll only get worse as he gets older#either way he'd look at shit like pineapple and just go 'uh no that hurts I'll pass' because there's no good reason to eat it#we joke about matt's catholicism making him suffer and I joke about it too but#i think in reality he'd do these subtle little avoids for stuff like this unless he was REALLY depressed or in I Am Stick mode#or just has a good reason#and on some bad days he probably can't stand being touched tbh and would barely be able to drink room temp water (cold = pain)#at least it means the reverse it true - he'd absolutely melt beneath gentle touch or pleasant things or fleecy soft fabric#and sometimes even on bad days if you touch him *very* gently he'll tolerate the pain because he knows#that the oxytocin he gets from affectionate touch helps dull the sting just a little#(i realize this sounds bad ya'll can hug me if you see me at the con i won't turn them down i like hugs they're worth the sting)
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okay so i don’t WANT a locked tomb au for the owl house, but hoo boy does my brain try to lump all my most recent fixations together. so, a few details
1. hunter and belos are from the eighth house. you know, the one that sucks the life force out of cavaliers just cuz. you’ll never guess who’s the cavalier here.
2. lilith is one of the first lyctors. her cav killed herself so that lilith would HAVE to ascend, and while it eats lilith up inside, she knows it was for the best. (all of the rest of the necros have gone through with it and ascended now). except, of course, eda. who’s still clutching raine’s living hand like a lifeline, and who lilith has heard whispering about... packing up with raine and fleeing the houses entirely.
so lilith kills raine, and offers eda the choice to either lose them entirely or ascend. and it’s.... it’s fucking awful. but what other choice is there now? there’s just ways to numb the pain and to try to cling to the sister that she loves so dearly, even after everything that lily did to her.
3. gus is the necro from the fourth, which is why he and mattholomule are so incomprehensibly young. neither of them were really supposed to be there. gus had older cousins; his dad wasn’t even in charge of the fourth until he was five or so! but his dad’s older siblings died and then his cousins died and suddenly, gus is the necromatic heir and he’s not a kid anymore he’s a necro with a cav and battle experience and he doesn’t know how to deal with any of it. matt’s older brother, steve, was the cav to gus’s last older, necromatic cousin.
it’s supposed to be an honor, serving with the heir to the house, but with how many of them have dropped dead in the past year, it’s hard for matty to think of it as anything but a death sentence. (steve thought he’d be the first cav of this generation to see an heir through to proper adulthood... but he wasn’t. he barely saw matt through cav training before he was blown up trying to protect the necro that didn’t make it out anyway)
but gus is... nice. and they share the same interests, and he isn’t mean to matt about not being tough or strong or old enough. gus keeps promising him that he’s not going to get treated like bria, the absolutely AWFUL necro he trained with before gus came of age and they met up and meshed instead.
and they both uphold that as well as they can as thirteen year old boys. but they’re still a necro and cav, and that dynamic is doomed from the start.
4. ed and em are coronabeth and ianthe from the third. they are the richest and most influential house. ed isn’t a necromancer, just like coronabeth. amity is the younger, cavless necro sister who their mother forces to tag along because “the emperor requested our heir and our cavalier primary! there’s NO reason that amity couldn’t learn a thing or two to bring back, directly, to the third house. right, amity dear?”
amity is tired of living in her siblings’ shadows and is going to learn what she can and sabotage them.
5. willow is something approximating ACTUAL dulcinea from the seventh house, and in true seventh fashion, she’s dying. she’s been dying since she was born, basically. she’s very strong but tries to restrain herself from overuse of her powers to preserve her own life and that of others. she thinks that thalergy is a better source than thanergy and is running experiments to see if she positively affect plants.
boscha is her cav because boscha is The Best In Their Age Cohort TM but they do not, on any level, get along. boscha thinks that she’s weak and that she can bully willow into being a “better” necro or at least just fucking dying already. it’s... ugly. willow has the social power in the relationship and is VERY powerful at necromancy, but with her kind disposition and lack of inclination to use those powers... oof.
6. luz isn’t a necro, and she isn’t a cav... she’s a dav’s caughter when her mom gets called away with her necro, the current master warden of the sixth house.
“luz, this is my job.”
“but you could get hurt!”
her mother sighs. “which is my job, mija.”
“you’re a sixth cav!” luz protests, “you weren’t even supposed to see combat! ever!” camilla noceda learned everything that she possibly could so that she could fight her way into the program and offered Outside Knowledge TM to the scholars, which combined with her abilities and ties to the warden are the only things keeping her position stable.
(luz’s mother hates that she’s taken it up as well, but she can’t really blame her. luz is SO clever and so creative, but so much of the sixth house is dedicated to the parts of academia that are difficult for her. maintaining her position requires something like this... which doesn’t make it less painful to her mother.)
“you can’t leave me here,” luz begs. her mother is the only person who has ever been kind to her. as a teenage refugee from the world outside the houses, THIS camilla was basically only able to get clearance to stay by becoming a cavalier. and she did, but luz is strange and impulsive and silly and only HALF house, and it makes it so that even though her life should be easier than her mother’s... it isn’t.
so luz stows away on the ship to try to protect her mom from Whatever the Fuck Lyctorhood Looks Like, and if not at least go to live with her. the emperor is in charge of everything. he can make some room for a lyctor’s DAUGHTER
her mother doesn’t find out about her stowing away until they’re already at caanan house, and by that point, it’s too late to send someone back.
her mother tries to misdirect her and keep her out of whatever’s happening, luz ends up doing research with a group of friends who come very close to lyctorhood... and figuring out that it’s not something anyone... ANYONE... should actually want.
the gang who decide LyctorHood Is Bad DON’T DO IT PLEASE: hunter who would like not to get literally eaten on top of the things that his uncle already puts him through, willow who thinks that’s an awful thing to do to a person and has never wanted the relationship she has to have with bosha, amity who at this point is more invested in making sure that her siblings don’t Become Saints more than any issue of morality, luz who is doing her research and trying to talk her mom into Not Doing That WHAT THE FUCK, and then gus and matt who are thirteen and just don’t want to die, dear god.
willow and hunter keep sneaking away from their partners who keep trying to Do More Of This Nonsense and then end up... accidentally doing More Of This Nonsense. but like. together and consensually. (hunter: i’m already a battery! i don’t mind being one for you instead <3 willow: oh god oh no oh SHIT)
luz and amity Accidentally a cavnecro bond, but they refuse to do any of the tests because luz has seen how much it’s been taking out of her mom and amity wants to beat her siblings, but god she’s not THAT desperate. she kinda likes this perky little swordwielding weirdo, and they both have a very specific fantasy series of books that they like in addition to studying necrocav things. (yes, there is a good witch azura in the nine houses. because i say so!)
the people cytherea kills: both of the early twenties girls from the second, em’s cav from third, matt while he and gus are separated, the real grownups from the fifth, camilla and the warden from the sixth (rip but this is not a story with parents). cytherea and her cav stand ins are from the ninth here. I PRAY THE TOMB STAYS LOCKED FOREVER BITCH (i had my fingers crossed)
when we get to the end and know what’s going on, kinda, we get one full lyctor. this combo comes from... belos and boscha. they each realized their partner was avoiding them to work together. and NEITHER of them were giving up on this dream. so. uh. in the end belos kills boscha for lyctorhood and to join cytherea’s Whatever She Was Doing. and boscha was happier with that solution than she EVER was with willow’s “please stop trying to die for me”.
with em’s cav dead already, even if she wanted to go full ianthe, she couldn’t.... except ed offers, and em goes WHAT THE FUCK and then. they do not do that. (hunter does though. he throws himself on a sword to give his life force to willow full griddlehark style).
willow ends up lobotomizing herself enough to keep hunter from getting destroyed, but it puts her at a serious disadvantage. while she doesn’t owe belos any favors because he didn’t help, he still hates her for “stealing” hunter and also completing his feat and diluting the credit that he gets and the attention.
while belos and willow are carted off by OG lyctors and jod himself, the rest of the gang are captured by the blood of eden. ed decides to do a corona and join up, as is his right as the non-necromatic twin forced to pretend about it. gus isn’t either old enough or patriotic enough to be judith deuteros wholesale, but he IS a deeply powerful necromancer who’s traumatized by the loss of his cav, his new friends, imprisonment and *gestures to everything*. plus, his mind, necromancy, and maybe a resurrection beast are all attacking him. so. that’s FUN
luz and amity at least get off easier than cam and pal do in canon because they are in their own bodies and luz doesn’t have to go on a Skull Hunt TM, but it’s still not great for them being POWs.
while ed is mainly Being Corona, he isn’t fully on that side. he’s continuing to play along that amity is a fellow cav and that em and gus are the only necromancers that the blood of eden has in its possession. they want a LYCTOR to study, but they aren’t getting one.
probably. at least not now.
7. not entirely sure how it would work because this is a half-baked textpost au but i feel like the collector as jod, a more feral and hurting version of king as alecto and bby normal king as nona would work... very very well. ESPECIALLY with lumity in their own bodies and raine! in eda’s body baby sitting a very confused little king... in willow park’s body.
willow and hunter are holding hands in a river bubble. it’s fine!
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I want our son to have some money and I'm starting to get a little pissed off came up with a beanie baby thing and monchichis I didn't pay my dime not one red cent he's got a whole bunch of stuff like that we keep saying we're having a war with this idiots and we can't get you anything to them when Matt wants to say that our son never invented anything and it was always them and he was saying he was doing it and was getting them in trouble and he wants to try and steal his power he doesn't intend on pain it's really mentally ill we're going to go after them now they're all done
Thor Freya
What we're doing doesn't make any sense and he says of course not you're an imbecile treating someone very badly saying that worth something that's why we're doing it it's ridiculous. So I guess we don't have anything to talk about
Mac
I guess you're right you can f*** off like everybody else who's a stupid gimster retard and don't tell me where to go either I go where I want to and if you try and stop me and take over whatever it is
Zues Hera
I got to tell you I'm tired of the attitude and he doesn't care at all and he says plenty of people are interested in actually doing business instead of sitting there and say they stole everything and they win they want to do what we're not doing so what I say is we've had enough of him and his stuff and we're going to go somewhere else no you don't have any plan right now that's working and we don't have any trees that's going ahead anywhere wrecking the person because he's angry as hell and nobody cares and my kids are dumb you're sitting in a mental health place saying you you want something you're a freaking moron Mike too I don't want to deal with this s*** anymore and he wants me out of his face cuz I don't do anything sitting there on this money see you there in the way of funds of his cuz I have a plan trying to use it against them it's ridiculous so we'll probably die because we're not doing anything that works for him and stupid but people won't let us use idiots here won't let us and they won't let him do anything either but where the problem too and we don't play games we don't have game like we need they're just sitting here watching him Walla laughing with other idiots who are idiots
Mac
Yeah we noticed that
Hera Zues
We noticed it too we feel bad for you no you're getting screwed or you're doing it there is a difference and you're the one doing it so you're going to get the hell out of the way are you going to suffer like these idiots you're going to go to court and you're going to go to the prison and you're going to die with them like you see you doing in the movies it's your choice and really you've chosen the wrong the whole time you're in the way of us taking automobile factory sober so you're fired they're going to put the put up with this stupid crap anymore your plan is a weak clan
Thor Freya
Is that grandma go and you left her in there but first you let Dad get hurt other Max are dying all over the place but that led to your demise these people are fertilizing the horse s*** and the cow s*** in the bottom of the rivers they didn't stop them and they're doing it with your people Mac and other Max you're not mounting any kind of meaningful resistance against this idiot who's doing it. You let him get real close along with a whole bunch of other idiots and it's not because you can't stop them it's because you won't cuz you think you're fooling people some other s*** like that it's going to start hate having you taking the task and this is how he got so far anyways and you're just sitting there like some ninny on my back about fleas and all pestering the s*** out of me just like everybody else you're right you're not really helping your plan you're not doing anything for your people by screwing around with me or allowing me to wallow which is what you're doing for years and your plan is probably pretty stupid but it wasn't just stupid but now it is and you're probably died because other people don't want you near me tons of people don't want you near me cuz you act like you're idiots cuz you're transplant
Zues Hera
You know what I get to get out of here this place is stifling I don't have a chance to do anything and what he says is a mental hospital this huge there's two Townsend it's a big mental hospital tell him that this place is crazy and you hospitals are wrong and they don't care these people are fruitcakes and losers and he's in trouble and people are mad at us we haven't stopped anybody they just walk in like we're not even here I got to tell you this place sucks and what would you use lame I want order here and these idiots have to go they're trying to attack us and murdered us permanently
Mac
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Hi I sent my ballot in the mail today and my boyfriend is frustrated because I don’t agree that voting is useless and I actually care about participating in the world prior to dismantling it. Because anarchy doesn’t leave a lot of room for disabled people like me.... anyway I’m begging you for soft foggy cleaning Matt’s wounds in college when Matt trips because he noticed foggy wasn’t wearing clothes and just because he can’t see doesn’t mean he can’t be overwhelmed
i received this prompt sometime before the 2020 election
anyway
--
Listening to Foggy getting dressed and undressed is distracting enough but walking into the room and being hit with every indication that he's just not wearing clothes at all is something different, makes him stop abruptly like he's going to turn around and end up tripping over himself, hitting his head on the edge of his dresser.
"Shit," he says, choking on a surprised laugh when he hits the ground.
"Whoa, dude, are you okay?" Foggy asks, jumping to his feet and pausing suddenly before he adds, "Uhm, just one sec," and grabs clothes from the floor to throw them back on and kneel next to Matt.
"I'm okay," Matt says. "No big deal."
I want to take your clothes back off, Matt thinks, before he can shut it down.
"Uh huh," Foggy says, ignoring him and reaching up to take Matt's hand from where it was pressed to his head and move it gently. "Oh, that's blood. Let's go clean you up, buddy."
Normally, Matt would protest because he can do it himself but then Foggy's fingers glide through his hair, rub over the back of his neck, and Matt can't do anything but nod.
In the bathroom, Foggy cleans the spot and bandages it carefully, talking softly the whole time about something that happened in one of his classes that day. Like Matt needs to be distracted from the pain. Like Foggy cares enough to do that.
Foggy is so cautious with him all of the time and it's scary and it makes Matt want to treat him the same way.
To touch him the same way.
Foggy makes a soft noise when Matt pulls him into a hug, wrapping his arms around Matt's waist immediately and pressing his face into Matt's shoulder.
". . .were you wearing clothes when I came in?" Matt asks.
It's not what he wanted to say at all but he's bad at most things that aren't school and hurting people, so he rolls with it.
"I was not," Foggy says, laughing. "How could you tell?"
"Could hear you get dressed," Matt murmurs, even though it was so much more than that--bare skin on sheets and Foggy's smell and the way his heart picked up when the door opened. "What were you doing?"
Matt has a pretty good idea but he wonders if Foggy will tell him.
". . .something perfectly natural," Foggy says, weakly.
Matt wants to touch him. He wants to be good to him. This is just an extreme way to go about it.
"Do you want to. . .try again?" he asks, smiling when Foggy pulls away enough to look at his face.
". . .with you?" he asks, hesitantly.
Matt strokes his hair before tucking it behind his ear and leaning in to kiss him softly.
"If you want me," he says.
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Sheer | Kai Parker
Warnings; SMUT, ANGST, and FLUFF, mentions of death, mourning, loss, mentions of murder, trauma, swearing, unprotected sex,
A/N; sorta made up a whole storyline for this imagine, may be a teeny bit different and may have gotten a little carried away, please enjoy loves
It would not uphold, the weather held a grudge against you as you trudged through the pouring rain, cursing you for thinking that you would be safe on your lonesome.
Instead of a monster, the world wished for you to drown in its falling rivers, making you shiver down to the bone. It was too cold, but you had to go there, it was a ritual.
Since the death of your boyfriend, Aaron, who was killed by Damon, someone you thought to be a friend, you felt broken.
You had tried everything to bring him back, but without the power of a witch, it was deemed impossible, and Bonnie refused to help you, claiming that it was necromancy, and far from her beliefs.
It angered you, how everybody would dismiss the lost lives that Damon took. He got a free pass, he didn’t even regret his own invalid actions.
He was a monster, and you hated him. If you couldn’t bring Aaron back, then you would instead kill his murderer. That would not only give you a sense of revenge, but also make the world a safer place. There would be one less vampire making people’s lives a misery.
“Hi there.” You stopped in your tracks, the voice sending shivers down your spine. Whilst it sounded like a man, in reality it could be anything.
The skin of a human was a disguise the majority of the time, a bloodsucker or a wolf coping inside the exterior, thirsting to break free from the walls of bones and flesh.
“Kai.” He was not exactly human, he was a witch, the one thing that you needed. You had met him through Elena, who was luckily also angered by Damon’s actions, Aaron had been her friend.
And just like that, he had died. But she hid her feelings well, pretending all was fine because she was in love with the gruelling monster that you wished to execute.
However, even though you wanted to bring back your lost beloved, the time that had passed made your mind being up the idea of moving on.
The first person that sprung into your imagination was Kai Parker, the new sociopath in town. He was new, unaware of the traumatising past experience that lingered in your heart, and not to mention, his specimen was one of beauty.
Those grey eyes, ever so curious could bore straight into your soul, and you’d gladly let him mangle it, you no longer had a use for it anyway.
“Why are you out here y/n/n?” He asked with a tilt of his head that had your heart beating profusely.
Everyone knew of his effect on you, but they told you to dismiss it. It was cruel, that they’d rather have you mourning the loss of your partner than to move on with another.
To you, it didn’t matter if he were supposed to be the enemy, you no longer wanted to fight their battles. All you desired was to be in love, with somebody that felt the same.
And whilst you doubted that Kai knew how to feel such a strong emotion, some attention wasn’t the worst thing in the world. As a matter of fact, it worked well as a distraction, it made you almost forget the grudge that you held against the eldest Salvatore.
Almost.
“It’s nothing.” You whisked the direction of the conversation away from your deceased boyfriend, not wanting to talk about him to anyone, let alone Malachai Parker.
Even thinking of Aaron caused a void to open in the middle of your chest, it was unbelievably painful. You thought some people, such as Bonnie would understand, rather than think the loss as a regular occurrence.
To put it simply, the entire ordeal was completely fucked up, and you felt much more guilty for biting your lip at the expression that Kai pulled; his eyebrows raised, and his fingers carefully running down the side of his own jaw.
Oh god, his fingers. There were so many things that you could imagine him doing with those, and from the way he waved them on a greeting, he knew that he teased the thought too.
“Basically...” he began, rolling his grey eyes with what he liked to call modesty, and you classified as boredom, “you’re stuck out in the rain, and if I’m not mistaken, you live halfway across town.”
“Stalker much?” You sneered, crossing your arms across your chest, which only made his gaze wander down, and hold their movements for a dragged out moment. “What are you looking at?” You exasperatedly sighed, only understanding when you followed his peering.
He was focused on your chest, that through your white shirt, appeared almost bare. The lace of your bra was giving him a clear frontal, and so you adjusted your arms, so that they covered more and whatever they had pushed up to peak his intrigue.
“Why am I not surprised?” Shaking your wet hair, which was pointless considering that it was still raining, you realised that you felt the creeping of the cold.
You had been oblivious to it, thinking that it was a side guest to your tears, almost a consequence. But you were no longer tearful, mostly angry at the killer that ruined your future and acted as though it were no big deal.
“I thought you were supposed to be at college.” Kai quirked his brow, proud of the fact that he knew that. However you shook your head, and watched as he removed his jacket, clasping it around your shoulders, shielding you somewhat from the weather.
It appeared as no big deal to him, but it was to you, sociopaths weren’t famous for being kind and charitable. They always had agendas, their agendas, well they were obviously sociopathic.
But from the glazing of the witch’s eyes, you only saw a lost man. He was misinterpreted by all that he knew, they treated him like an outsider, alienated him as though he were a monster, and validly that was why he was seen as one.
“No.” You whispered, confused as to why you were so complied to correct the man. “My boyfriend was killed, I don’t want to go back there, it’s clear why.”
You attempted to give him a small smile, but it came out as a pained grimace. Just the thought had your mood drained, even more so since there was no route to resurrect him.
“Oh yeah, I heard about that.” He didn’t shiver in the rain, instead he seemed comfortable simply standing there, conversing with you in the rainfall. “Damon did it, right?”
Licking your lips, you hesitantly nodded, ashamed of the fact that you had once called the vampire a friend. From the start, you were always wary of him, but eventually you managed to become close to him. And then he ruined your chance of happiness, literally sucking the life out of it.
“What a dick.” Kai was blunt with his annotation, but you couldn’t deny that he was right about them. “Sorry for your loss and all that blah blah. We should get somewhere warm though, you can tell me more.”
It was a strange feeling, you felt pulled to the male, it was as though he was one side of a magnet, and you were another. And so you accepted his invitation, and followed him, breathing in the scent of his black coat. It was much sweeter than you had expected.
🏹
His so called home was an apartment, that you no doubt expected he had convinced someone with his magic to give him rent free. Or he killed them, either or you guessed.
But the thought of death itself was one that you weren’t too keen on thinking about, not now. Instead, you’d rather enjoy the company of someone that didn’t shame you for hating and desiring to kill the one and only Damon Salvatore.
Most of your friends didn’t take you seriously, they just barked laughter, not believing, nor willing to think that you could ever commit such a sentence. But they didn’t share your pain, if they did, you were sure that they’d understand.
Matt got it, he resented the vampire and a lot of the other blood suckers too. And your certainly couldn’t blame him, he had lost his sister, and there was no reason behind her change. It had all just been a game, a gruesome one at that.
Kai lightly removed his jacket from your shoulders, hanging it on a hook to dry. He almost appeared embarrassed, having you in such a private space.
But you didn’t want him to endure such a mindset as that. Instead you smiled, brushing your damp hair out of your face, grasping his hands. They were cold, and that made you frown. No one ever cared what he had gone through, instead they just wanted to rid the world of him.
Even his family had dismissed him, all because he had been different, and treating him as such had definitely had a mind mingling affect on him. It repented an unstoppable rage inside of him, one that ended in dead children and imprisonment.
“Thankyou.” The small example of affection had Kai tilt his head awkwardly and pull his hands away from your own. He wasn’t used to people even being polite towards him, let alone openly sharing contact with him.
You should have been scared of him. Or at least somewhat repulsed, but you weren’t, and it was a first for him. Most around him taunted him with blame, or pointed out his obvious flaws.
And so he ducked his chin downwards into his chest, taking a couple of steps back, mumbling something about retrieving you a dry shirt.
As you waited for him, you peeled off the sheer layer, dropping the ball of wet material upon the ground. Your bra had soaked into your skin, but you left that on out of modesty.
When Kai returned, his mouth gaped open, eyes widening at the half undressed sight of you. But he tried to avert your gaze, blushing at your lack of attire.
“It’s okay.” You jested to him , reaching out for the clean shirt that he had brought for you. “You can look, it’s not like I’m naked.”
“Yet.” He smirked as he allowed his stare to freely roam. His voice had been small, but you had heard it as clear as day. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be thinking like that, you’re in mourning and I get that you wouldn’t want to, yknow.”
His hand gestured between the pair of you , prompting what he was talking about. But maybe he was wrong, after all, it had been a while since you had any physical intimacy, and you’d be a fool to deny that there was chemistry between you and a particular witch.
“Don’t be sorry.” You put the dry shirt aside, walking closer to the brunette. “I am in mourning, but I’m going to get my revenge, and a distraction sure wouldn’t hurt.”
“And here I thought that you were just a pretty face.” Kai’s hand drifted to the side of your face, pulling you closer so that your lips were almost brushing. His breath ghosted over your own intermingling the fumes of lust and intrigue. “But it seems that there is a darkness in that mind of yours, I’m impressed with your plans to say the least.”
“I haven’t even told you any of them yet.” Your hand drifted under the band of his jeans, plucking teasingly at the denim, licking your teeth as you made strong eye contact with him.
“Tell me after.” He ordered, grasping your hips, and clashing your bodies together. Your lips worked hungrily against each other, both pairs of your hands grabbing all that they could, you and him both desperate to hold onto anything.
Kai shoved you backward into a table, trapping you against it as his lips fell downwards, and began to suck at your neck.
But at that contact, you pushed Kai away, freezing for a moment. Damon’s teeth had been on Aaron’s neck, sinking in and draining all that be worth.
“See Elena thinks I’m a monster, and she’s right.” You were unable to move as Aaron stood against the vampire, you had been compelled, and you wanted nothing more than to scream out for Damon to stop, but there was no audio in your throat.
There was no scream as Damon bared his fangs , nor when he sunk them into your boyfriend’s neck, instead you were holding back your tears, as you had been commanded to.
He held him to his mouth for a moment before dropping his body lifeless upon the ground. And you couldn’t help but stare at the sight.
Enzo wore a content smirk, and it sickened you to your stomach. Damon turned, his thirsty eyes boring into your form, that wanted nothing more than to crumble into a million people.
“You may now speak.” His pupils found yours, engaging with your soul, that felt broken and completely shattered.
“Are you going to kill me too?” A part of you was hopeful that he would, but as he came closer, you recognised the mischief in his stance.
He had plans for you, none of which you suspected to like. “Do it, show Elena how much of a monster you really are!”
If he killed you, you’d have liked to think that Elena would be furious , but it was expected that eventually she would forgive him when he put his humanity back on.
“Or instead...” you feared his humoured expression, eyes flickering between his feet that were walking closer to you and your dead partner that lay lifelessly a couple of meters away. “I could show her how much of a monster you are.”
He bit into his wrist, bringing it towards your mouth, and as much as you felt the urge to squirm, you could do nothing more but stand there and abide his compulsion.
“Are you okay?” Kai asked, brushing his nose against your own, wanting to know if you wanted to continue. He knew that you were a victim of trauma, and he understood it’s affects.
In regards to his past, his coping method had been inflicting it in return. But you had done no foul against him, and so he would not torture you or force you into something that you had no intention of continuing.
“Yeah.” You breathed, blinking to push the memory away, temporarily at least. “Bedroom.” You ushered, squealing distractedly as he hoisted you into his arms, wrapping your legs perfectly around his waist.
He dropped you upon the mattress, hovering over you, removing his shirt after you began to tug on the dark and rain pelted material.
Leaning your elbows, you unclipped the back of your bra, discarding it somewhere far from your memory, and Kai sunk down, his lips latching onto your nipple, playing with the other in his rough hands.
“Your fucking gorgeous.” He hummed around your breast, his fingers drifting down your stomach to the band of your leggings.
His compliment made you smile, and as he ripped off your pants, he slipped a hand inside of your panties, rubbing your sensitive flesh. But you groaned, frowning at his tantalising actions.
“Just need you inside of me.” You told him, and he was more than happy to comply, so he worked on his belt, as you slipped off your own underwear, and removed the torn fabric from around your legs.
When you looked up, you noticed that he was completely bare, and already had himself in hand. There was precum balancing on his tip and at the sight you licked your lips.
“You ready?” He asked bringing his head down to your chin, placing a delicate kiss upon the bump, and teasing his other tip against your opening, swiping through your wetness and using it to lube himself up.
“God yes.” You sighed, your hands finding refuge upon the back of his shoulders, your nails sinking into his firm skin.
And so, with consent, he pushed in, groaning at the initial tightness. “And I thought that it was wet outside.” He laughed, causing you to snort, he was funnier than you had expected him to be.
It almost made you swoon, but no, you couldn’t be interested in Kai, could you? Everyone thought you had been, even Bonnie had stated that you often undressed him with your eyes in the worst of situations, but it had never been a big deal to you.
And then it hit you like a ton of bricks, with a snap of Kai’s hips. All along you had denied any interest of another man, all because of the one that you had lost. And everyone already knew that there were sparks between you and the witch, before either of you had caught on.
“Shit.” He huffed, reaching down and biting your lips, causing your eyes to flutter sensuously, and dark veins to appear underneath.
At the feeling, you tried to bury your face sidewards into the pillow so that he couldn’t see, but he held you still as he gave shallow thrusts inside of you.
“Don’t look away, I think you’re beautiful.” Him saying that alone had you almost in tears. Despite trying to bring Aaron back you feared what he would think of you when he returned, or well, if he could.
Would he think you a monster, that stood idly by when he was killed? Because if so, you’re heart would literally break, and you wouldn’t be able to bare living any longer.
Living, funny. You hardly described what you were doing as such anyways. But currently, you did truly feel alive again, perhaps that was just the affect of having a dick inside of you.
But as Kai reached down and fiddled with your clit, you knew that you were done for. Your head fell back, eyes closed and mouth open, showcasing your fangs, your orgasm hitting you like a train.
He continued his movements until he felt he was nearing his point, and then he finished too, having no worry in impregnating you as you were well, to put it lightly , dead.
Both of you panted as he pulled out and fell beside you. Your eyes stared at the ceiling, your concentration eventually broken when Kai spoke.
“Damon did it, didn’t he? He turned you.” Your face had returned to its previous disguise, you looked human once more. But it was no secret that you were now a savage, a monster like Damon.
“Yeah.” You bit your lip, trying not to cry at the thought. It was the last thing in the world that you ever wanted, but Damon knew that too. And so he had cursed you, for all of eternity.
“Then he deserves to die.” Kai stated, he was already against the Salvatores, but his hatred for them had just increased.
#kai parker smut#kai parker imagine#kai parker x reader#kai parker x you#kai parker#kai x y/n#kai imagine#kai x you#kai parker one shot#kai smut#tvdreader#tvd imagines#tvd smut#tvd x reader#tvd x y/n#imagines#imagine#xreader
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I like how anons are pointing out how TVD essentially ruined itself by not exploring Bonnie's personal life. When you think about it, the most successful/highly rated tv shows provide development in all its characters . For instance, The Walking Dead does it right by giving everyone a backstory even if they are side characters, bc logically the world didnot revolve around Rick Grimes alone. I don't see how anyone can defend The Vampire Diaries writing in general, it's basically a joke. Bonnie was involved in 90% of the show's villain & mythology because she's a Bennett...yet we only get brief dialogue & see short scenes of her either in physical/mental pain or sacrifically agreeing to and/or being strongarmed/threatened to save others (anyone but herself). I use to get this excitment in early seasons wherever Bonnie came on screen & expected to see how she was dealing with everything thrown at her. Just like how we get plenty of Alaric, Caroline, Matt...hell even Rose's story & death got more meaning than our show's supposed "regular" actor. The problem with the writing is not that Bonnie suffered, it's that she suffered without purpose. Why couldn't we get to see how Bonnie felt about Kai saving her? How would that play out if they ever addressed it (which writers never did). Why was she so fiercely loyal to undeserving people who didn't return the favor? Obviously this would impact one's mental health. Yet we never see she copes with any of that trauma. The network continually promoted Kat as a credit regular, so you would think we'd get to see her character in action & treated like everyone else all the same. That's the problem, it's the fact that they were ok with false advertisement. I know this has been discussed a million times over among the Bonnie fandom & we'll perhaps never get an honest answer. But sheesh TVD could have been way better if they were so irrationally dumb!
The problem with the writing is not that Bonnie suffered, it's that she suffered without purpose.
^^^This.
Bonnie isn't treated as a person . She's treated as a thing. I think it was Paul who said that if the writers write themselves into a corner, they just have Bonnie do a spell and fix it. And that won't be a problem if she's fleshed out in every other way, but she's not. What is worse is that sometimes the show seems to go out of its way to hurt her, inflict abuse on her or otherwise demean her, and it apparently has no effect on her in anyway. Someone pointed out that the show never gives us stuff that she's good at, we're just repeatedly shown the things she's bad at (e.g. guitar playing), and they make 'cute jokes' about it. It's textbook microaggression.
Damon repeatedly calling her useless, cutting her out of the inner circle, and this goading her into doing Expression, Dark Magic and dangerous magic in general just to prove herself should have meant something to their relationship, but it's swept under the rug.
And that's another thing ---- we can easily see why these people are friends with Bonnie, and want to keep her in their orbit but the show never explains why Bonnie is friends with these people. Take Damon for example: his experience in the Prison World with her helped him appreciate her as a person, her loyalty, her kindness, her optimism, her courage. So he stopped seeing her as just a useful tool to help protect Elena and a person of value in her own right. But how did Bonnie come to care for Damon? He never stopped insulting her, or diminishing her. He was constantly getting her down, and acting petty. Kai points out how everytime they quarrel and split ways, it's Bonnie who comes back to Damon, not the other way around.
Now we Bonnie fans can head canon and connect plot dots and realize that Bonnie has abandonment issues that date as far back as her mother. That she's used to not being valued and prioritized, and it really takes crumbs of affection and appreciation for her to become anyone's best friend. But the show never actually says this. Or deals with it or explores it in anyway. It's just assumed that of course, Bonnie will like Damon once he starts liking her back. That she literally just needed him to care for her to return that affection. What he actually does to earn it is not necessary!
And of course, why the Black girl has abandonment issues that are: a, never defined as such, b, never explored, and c, she never grows out of them is another matter all together. Caroline actually starts the show with abandonment and image issues, but she gets all the above that Bonnie doesn't.
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Loki ranting
Okay. I had this thought in my head of like just compiling links of all the Loki shit I've posted/reblogged so far so that when I get into a conversation about the show and how it fucking disgusted me, I can just be like "here. here's this masterlist post, go read all this shit. This is my entire argument, and not only mine, but a lot of stuff posted by people far more intelligent and level-headed and eloquent than I am, whom I happen to agree with." Because the alternative is constantly getting fired up all over again, and that is exhausting.
BUT! I'm stupid and don't know how tumblr works. Apparently I can't just be like "give me all the Loki-tagged shit I've got" I can only search all the Loki-tagged shit on all of tumblr. And I'm not scrolling back through all of my posts. I talk too fucking much for that shit 😂
So, I'll try to remember all of my grievances with how the MCU has treated Loki, and all of the excellent posts made by other, equally upset fans, and put it all together here under this nice, neat little cut for everyone else's sanity and scrolling convenience...
For people who actually read my shit fairly regularly - bless you, you crazy, patient people. I love you! - this is going to be a lot of repetition of shit you've already read. Probably at least twice. I'm passionate and I have a terrible memory lol. Sorry.
Anyway, first, for those who don't know me and haven't been following my explosions of rage for the past couple of months, some quick background: I do not read comic books, so Loki's Marvel comic canon means nothing to me. I know almost nothing about it. The reason I'm so in love with the character in the MCU is because I am an eclectic witch and the deity I've actively loved and worshiped the longest in my life (literally for as long as I can remember) is Loki. So when he was mentioned in The Mask, I squeed. When they named Matt Damon's character after him in Dogma, I cheered.
When Thor came out in 2011, I just about died from happiness. I was hungry for any representation of this underappreciated god, no matter what it was. I didn't even bitch about how underpowered he was, because at least he was there. But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.
I can hear anyone reading this going "Why Loki? Isn't he, like, evil? Like basically the Norse version of The Devil?" Because I heard all this shit irl all the fucking time. And no. So let me give you a quick rundown of who Loki actually is.
Loki is a Trickster God. He's often referred to as the God of Mischief. He is not and never was evil, simply chaotic and hedonistic. Loki Laufeyjarson was the son of Laufey (that's mama; they changed her to a man for some reason in the movie) and Fárbauti. Right from the start, from his name, we get a sign of how Loki goes against traditional norms of the time, because in Norse culture, families were patrilineal, and surnames were "son/daughter of father" (which would have made him Loki Fárbautitason), not the mother. But Loki's surname is matrilineal. Feminist icon woo! lol
Though he's a Jotunn, Loki is counted among the Gods (Aesir) in Norse tradition. Depending on his mood, he is alternately helpful or disruptive to the other Gods. I'm not gonna sit and teach a whole text class on him lol but I'll use my favorite example of Misunderstood Loki - the conception of Sleipnir!
So, get this shit. This is also part of why I DO NOT follow Odin and never fucking will (a very small part, but still part of the reason). So, the other Norse Gods are petty motherfuckers, and they wanted some shit built but didn't want to pay the dude doing the building. So they were like "okay, if you can get it done in X amount of time, we'll pay you, but if you can't manage it NO MATTER WHAT, this whole thing is free." And they made sure he had NO help, nothing but him, his materials, and his Very Good Horsey. And this guy and his horse were fucking BAMFs. So it was looking like he was definitely gonna get it done in time, and Odin was like "nah, fuck that shit. I'm cheap." and so he sent Loki to distract the work horse. Loki transformed into a mare and lured the horse away, got fucked, got pregnant, gave birth to the 8-legged (for some reason) horse Sleipnir. Odin rides Loki's son into battle. Um. Kay.
So Loki helped Odin be a petty mf, and Odin got himself a new pet out of the deal.
Oh, also, because he's smart af and a shapeshifter and a master magician and genderfluid, Loki "fails" to fit the super fucking toxic and narrow Norse/Aesir view of "a real man". He prefers intelligence and manipulation to solve problems rather than violence, he's not afraid to behave like a clown if it gets shit done, and that grosses the Aesir out, so they constantly ridicule him for being "less than a man".
Loki is the God of the outcast and the misunderstood. The marginalized people from all walks of life. He is the God of the LGBT community. In modern terms, he's pansexual, polyamorous (married to Sigyn and they are deeply in love, but boy gets around and I've never seen any indication that Sigyn gives a shit) and genderfluid.
Okay. Focus, Ali. This is part of why I usually post multiple rants instead of one big long one XD The longer I ramble, the more I get sidetracked and forget the original point.
So. Loki's awesome, and being a Trickster, is powerful as all fucking hell. There's not much he can't do.
And now we come to Thor (the movie, not the deity). Loki's there! 24-year-old Ali is spazzing! All is right with the world!
Oh lord, they've actually done him justice?! Amazing! He's complex and nuanced and emotional, just like the real Loki! I loved this movie. Loved. It. The climactic thing with trying to blow up Jotunheim never really made much sense to me until someone made an excellent point the other day about Loki being raised in a racist society that was racist against his own race, he just didn't know it yet, poor child. Baby Thor was never corrected when he pledged to commit mass genocide, so Baby Loki probably absorbed the lesson then that Jotunns=evil and killing them all will win his father's love. Anyway, 2011 Loki was a beautiful, heartbreaking portrayal of the God I've loved all my life and spent 24 years longing to see depicted on the big screen.
Then The Avengers happened. And I saw another Loki very close to Norse mythology - mainly, how he's treated. In the beginning of the movie, he's sick, exhausted, and in pain. He can hardly stand, he stumbles and needs help when he walks. He was very obviously tortured, and the sickly blue light of the scepter's control is in his eyes. That gets less and less pronounced as the movie goes on, showing Loki working his way free of it, but in the beginning, he's a mess. Because he was tortured and used by Thanos. Marvel directly confirmed this, and that he was under the scepter's/Mind Stone's control. Loki's actions are not his own in The Avengers. He's under both threat and Thanos' direct control. The movie actually shows The Other directly threatening him to keep him on task, because this is not Loki's plan. It is not what he wants. He's being used and villainized... Just like in real life. It hurt to see this done to him, but the accuracy was too beautiful to ignore.
Thor: The Dark World comes out. I've heard people complain that this movie is the weak link in the Thor trilogy. I disagree. I think that's Ragnarok, for a bunch of reasons, but we'll get there. (And for the record, I loved Ragnarok, too. It was a funny movie. Infinity War and the Disney+ series are the only portrayals of Loki in the MCU that I truly fucking hated.) Anyway, good, fun movie. Had its faults, as all movies do, but it still followed Loki's real-life arc in a way. How? By having Loki dragged back to Asgard in chains and imprisoned underground. Again, not super happy that this happened to my love, and having to see it on screen was painful, but at least in the MCU he's not chained to a rock with venom dripping on his face for eternity, so there's that. (poor Sigyn. how tired do her arms get, holding up that bowl? best wife ever, amirite?)
In TDW, we're shown Loki's love for Frigga, who favored him and taught him magic as a child. We see his bravado; his attempts to mask his true feelings, especially grief. We see him slowly coming back to himself after the events of The Avengers, and slowly mending his relationship with his brother. He accepts that Odin will likely never love him, but Thor just might, because they were close when they were young. "I didn't do it for him." No, no my sweet, you did it for your brother, and a little out of guilt for what happened to your mother.
At the end, Loki fakes his death and escapes, taking the throne, and I have mixed feelings about this. Not the writer's choices here; I love that completely! A natural progression in Loki's story. But my joy is tainted by how closely they're following the Eddas now. Because Loki's escape from his prison heralds the beginning of Ragnarok. And Loki will die in Ragnarok. I don't want to see that play out in front of my face. I won't be able to handle the grief (spoiler alert! IW broke me. I almost walked out of the theater. Loki's death was legitimately fucking traumatic for me. I don't even care how pathetic that is. That grief was real, it was intense, and I still shake and cry when I think about it.)
Marvel announces that Thor 3 will be called Ragnarok. The internet treats this as a shocking revelation. I roll my eyes and mumble "duh" to myself and move on XD
Then they say Ragnarok will be a buddy comedy. I throw up a little in my mouth and no longer want to live on this planet. If they're going to make something called Ragnarok, could they at least treat it with even a fraction of the respect they've shown these characters thusfar? Jfc. I mean, I'll see it anyway, because I'm a whore for Tom Hiddleston lol. But come on, people!
I hated that they made Hel the long-lost older sister and Fenrir her fucking pet/attack dog. Those are my favorites of Loki's children! Hel is such an incredible badass that the early Christians named their dimension of eternal torture after her! They were terrified of her, to the point of naming the place that terrified them most after her. That's awesome! And Fenrir's just the best. I love wolves. Those two details, and Odin's retcon of "we're not Gods! ...lol, except your sister. she's totally a Goddess. and def gonna kill literally everything, so... good luck! byyyeeeee" pissed me off royally.
The rest was great. I genuinely liked this movie. Still do. And they finally used The Immigrant Song! That was pretty cool. If they'd thrown in Bring the Hammer Down and Thunderstruck, I might've called this movie perfect. XD
I wasn't totally in love with their portrayal of Loki in Ragnarok. Yes, the falling for 30 minutes line was funny, as was "I have to get off this planet" and "YES! That's how it feels!" And "Get Help" was funny as hell. But also, like... There is no way Loki would have been the dumb one in that first encounter with Hela. Also, he can teleport and project copies of himself and shit, so... He would not have been that desperate to go straight back to Asgard and bring her right along with them. Loki's not stupid. But whatever. Movie's gotta movie.
What I did love was seeing the slow mending of his relationship with Thor continuing, and the badass fighting on the bridge. I also loved that, like Real Loki, Movie Loki helped when help was needed, was quick and clever, and while he was carrying out the main plan, he was also planning ahead and grabbing the Tesseract. Yes, that drew Thanos right to them, but that's a whole other thing. Loki never would have left that thing on Asgard to be destroyed or lost.
And now Infinity War. Hooooly fucking shit. You know what? No. I'm not going into this. He was killed, years of character growth were erased forever, my heart fucking shattered. The end.
Endgame. IW hurt me so bad I didn't see Endgame until this year. I actually watched Civil War first (for context: I had actively avoided all Cap movies until this year because I fucking hate Steve Rogers. I find him insufferable. Did not realize what I was denying myself until I watched CW and finally saw the charms of Bucky. When he appeared in IW, I was so lost. XD I was like "...who dis? Murder Jesus?" also I just... didn't care. I was numb by then from crying through most of the movie over Loki)
So, anyway. Endgame. Loki picks up the Tesseract in alternate 2012, escapes, fans go "yay! he didn't actually die!" I go "yes he fucking did. Five years of his life, gone. Five years of growth and change, erased. Loki is dead. This will not be the same."
I was more right than I could have predicted. Now we come to the point of this rant. Sorry it took so long, but you were warned lol.
The Loki series makes me so angry I actually get sick to my stomach. It was fucking TRASH. When I praised Marvel for following Norse mythology so faithfully earlier? Yeah. I DID NOT MEAN TREAT HIM THE WAY THE OTHER GODS DID. I did not mean paint him as a pitiful clown, a joke, a caricature of who he truly was, with his pain and suffering played for LAUGHS.
This is supposed to be 2012 Loki, newly freed from Thanos' control. The Loki we saw in the beginning of TDW - snarky, exhausted, nihilistic. The Loki who rolled his eyes and said "get on with it" expecting to be killed.
The bumbling clown flipping on a dime from posturing to calling himself weak is not 2012 Loki. That is not ANY Loki. That is Tom Hiddleston in a black wig doing what he's told by a shitty writer who had no fucking idea what he was doing and was salty about his (bad) original script (for something totally fucking unrelated) getting killed.
In Episode 1, Loki is mocked, imprisoned, stripped against his will, tormented, belittled, and given a flippant summary of all the trauma Actual MCU Loki suffered that this one skipped out on, with no context, no acknowledgement of the trauma he's already lived quite fucking recently, and with the narrative twisted to not only erase all the abuse he's suffered, but to make it all his fault. And this is supposed to make him want to help these people?
And worse, IT FUCKING WORKS. WHAT?! I CAN'T- FUCKING WHAT?! Remember when I said LOKI IS NOT FUCKING STUPID?! So why is he STUPID?
Episode 2, he's a child. Mentally, this Loki is a fucking child. Now we've erased all the growth and development of his entire adult life. He's dopey, impatient, impulsive, desperate for a pat on the back and actually shows it. Yes, abused and neglected children crave the positive attention we never received, and we often grow up to be a bit emotionally stunted. But not all of us, and not Loki. Not as we've seen him EVER in the rest of the MCU. Playful and a bit callous at times? Absolutely! But not a big dumb fucking puppy.
Episode 3, a ray of hope, despite Sylvie! (I hate Sylvie) Loki casually admits he's pan/bi; labels never come up, but he admits to being with both men and women! He sings! Not really relevant to whether I approve of his portrayal or not lol but Tom has a beautiful voice, Norwegian ("Asgardian" lol) is a gorgeous, entrancing language, and I could watch that one bit on loop for eternity and never get bored. And then, finally, we see a glimpse - a glimpse - of Loki's power! He stops a falling building and pushes it right back up! Are we finally getting to see what he can really do? Will the next episode bring us Loki in all his glory?
Nope. 4 and 5 we see him mocked and pushed around and utterly irrelevant. Again. We see tiny reflections of what he could maybe theoretically do in other random Loki variants, but the "main" (lawl. main. it was the Sylvie and Mobius show. Loki was never the main anything.) Loki? Nothing. He wears his heart on his sleeve for no reason, bonds with the man who imprisoned, taunted, and gaslit him, is killed, and continues to be a moron and a joke. Always the clown. Always the dumb one. The one with the bad ideas. The inferior Loki.
Don't even get me started on that finale. I can't. This already took so much out of me. Fuck Marvel. Fuck this fucking show. I just... I'm done.
#loki#loki spoilers#loki series#loki negativity#loki hate#thor 2011#the dark world#ragnarok#the avengers#infinity war#endgame#fuck sylvie#fuck marvel#fuck disney#this show sucked#ragepost#rant#long post#ali is angry
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so for a couple months now i’ve been seeing mutuals + other users in the main tag with opinion posts on the state of smosh, and i’ve been taking a great deal of pleasure just reading through people’s thoughts. but as a longtime Opinion-Haver here in the smoshblr lmao, i figured mayhaps i can voice my own thoughts -- not on what i think is wrong with smosh, because i and so many others have already spoken up on that, but what i think is necessary for smosh to move forward and grow.
1) acknowledge former cast members.
there is gold within the people we currently see in front of the camera for pit and games. we adore ian, courtney, damien, and shayne. it’s always super exciting to see keith, olivia, and noah in videos. newer additions like kimmy, jackie, ify, and some other crew-members-turned-talent have real potential for becoming full-time cast members. but i think for fans, there exists a sore spot, or at least a currently-unanswered call for closure, in relation to the former members of smosh.
i think a lot of longtime fans were pained to hear about mari’s departure from smosh, how it was unexpected for her and how smosh never gave her the closure that everyone wanted. but even more concerning than the disappointment surrounding her entire experience, other members such as joven, boze (one two three), and sohinki (one two) have spoken out about the directly harmful/ill-willed actions of current smosh execs and vps, both during and after their times at smosh.
tbh it might be too late for an apology or direct acknowledgement from smosh, and anyway i think these former cast members would just like to move on from all the smosh drama. but the absolute least smosh could do is to quit pretending these former members never existed at all! like, they could do something as simple as including mari, boze, sohinki, joven, and lcorn’s yt channels under the smosh games channels tab -- i’m talking THAT bare of a bare minimum. the moment smosh stops wearing kid gloves around the ghosts of these ex-members, is the moment fans will no longer feel the divide between “us” and “them”. (not to mention, it’s just the right fuckin thing to do.)
though, i do think in order to overcome that (perceived?) divide, smosh really oughta...
2) do something about the matt raub situation.
i keep it vague with “something” because i feel like there are a variety of actions smosh/matt raub could do to heal some of those wounds (and to stop some of the bleeding). these actions include:
have ian (or perhaps some other exec?) issue a statement acknowledging the grievances against Nondescript Smosh Employee(s), and list the actions the company will take to improve the situation - definitely a cop-out, businesslike response, but nonetheless a step in the right direction
have matt raub issue a public apology to former cast members, and list the actions he will take to prevent these sort of situations from ever happening again - this is least likely to happen imo
fire matt raub - also unlikely, probably difficult too
stop putting matt raub in front of the fucking camera.
the last point is one of the easiest things smosh can do to at least begin to mitigate some of the damage. i’m not saying it’s the be-all end-all option, because frankly i think he should be held more accountable for the way he’s treated these supposed ~forever members of the smosh family~. but it sends a horrible message when you have a guy, whom according to multiple people has done some pretty shitty stuff, publicly interacting and joking around with the rest of the cast, aka people we are supposed to trust and want to support.
even if the current smosh cast doesn’t believe a single word from former cast members, it does not do anyone any good to be seen enabling interacting with matt raub on camera. if the rest of the cast and crew is trying to prove a point by lifting up matt’s voice in order to reject the ex-members: first of all, fuck them, but second of all, the statement is not clear and there are honestly better ways of taking a side.
and even from a business standpoint -- at this point, i don’t think smosh can really afford to alienate the large chunk of viewers who aren’t comfortable with watching videos with matt in them!! many of the diehard sg fans from as late as 2018 have simply lost interest in sg, as a result of both the loss of og members and the inclusion of the man who apparently drove those og members away.
of course, many fans have more naturally lost interest in smosh, smosh pit, and smosh games, because right now, smosh really just needs to...
3) prioritize making content that is fun/exciting to make.
there will always be people on youtube just trying to profit, and there will always be youtubers who need to make content they might not like or are proud of, in order to pay the bills. but youtubers and fans alike know that the optimal way of being successful on youtube is to make content you want to make, and make it well.
smosh definitely has the second half of that formula. they’re a well-known channel with a lot of history, a lot of clout. they have the means and the fan support to make LITERALLY whatever they want.
now maybe this is sort of presumptive, but i feel for years now, smosh has devoted a lot of its talent, effort, energy, money, and resources into producing content they’re just not all that jazzed about! this isn’t to say they won’t ever have fun while making a video, or that it’s never rewarding for them to make a video that gets a ton of views. i’m just saying that in the endless ebe’s and tntl’s, i have trouble thinking that they’re not burnt out to a certain degree.
it’s the increased emphasis of online relevance over having plain ol fun. you can look at main channel alone, plus you can see the way they promo certain videos, and you can just sorta sniff out which ideas were passion projects, versus ideas that were attempts at milking one initial good idea, versus ideas that were just trend-hopping/bandwagoning. idk, you can just tell. like, do you sincerely believe that anyone at smosh reeeeeaaaally wanted to fuckin make “every cvs ever”? do you legitimately think there was anything about cvs stores past one chuckle of a joke that reeeeeaaally required making an entire video about it? (other than the fact that it’s relatable and that sometimes amusing things can happen in drugstores?)
just think about it this way: smosh is STILL operating under the exact same mechanisms and structures that brought us “every bird ever”. which is sorta funny ngl, but i just can’t imagine smosh being entirely okay with that, y’know what i mean?? and this ties into exactly why smosh needs to...
4) maintain an honest and open outlet of communication with the fans.
the success of so many personality-based youtube channels comes from the honesty of the content creator. and i don’t mean everyone has to be uber-vulnerable and spilling tea and baring all for us, but like... the cast is allowed to occasionally be Not entertaining with us. they’re allowed to talk about something serious, in a serious manner.
this means that if something is burning them out or just not working with them, they’re allowed to tell us directly that they’re putting a series on the backburner. or they could at least do the whole youtuber limbo of them posting “hey guys, we’ve been having troubles shooting tntl :( is that something you’d still really want to see?” and us replying “<3 all that matters is that you guys are having fun making it” and then they stop making it and then WE BOTH KNOW that everything’s chill and the algorithm sucks and everyone can move on. truly, most fans just want smosh to be real with us.
i thought the smoshcast would take the role of that outlet for them, something that would let them explore topics (and potentially acknowledge some fan concerns), outside of the limelight of the main channels. something fun, yet personal, engaging, and enriching. but i think at certain times, perhaps because of the somewhat-demanding upload schedule, the smoshcast morphed into “just another piece of content for the fans” -- same with twitch streams, which were supposedly intended to expose fans to a rawer, realer version of sg shoots, but which clearly has its own motives in itself, ones that fans have already discussed extensively across social media.
i know running smosh is basically like running a business. i know a lot rides on their success. but it’s not sustainable to seek success on youtube from the top-down, from the viewpoints of executives. youtube requires you build your success from the bottom-up, starting with the viewers. smosh has a community that’s stuck around for years, one that grew out of two guys who weren’t afraid to look like idiots on-camera -- freely, openly, honestly. there are so many fans who are champing at the bit to support smosh, but for one reason or another, it’s getting harder for them to do that. if smosh has any intention of keeping those fans, they need to change.
but that’s just my opinion... thanks for reading. 👁👄👁
#thoughts#discourse#lolol this is a fuckin ESSAY#idk i don't think there's anything in here that's dramatically surprising or new even#but i still feel like it had to be said yknow#again this is an opinion and i was presumptive at times but like. cmon
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Daredevil scenes / plot points you would have done differently? (I get a suspicion a lot of them have to do with the law stuff, Frank Castle's trial especially. 😉 )
Aaaaa I love this question! Warning: VERY long response:
DEFINITELY the Frank Castle trial. Man, it could’ve been SO GOOD. I have a lot of issues with it, obviously, but the main one is that Matt treating Frank as a hostile witness could’ve been amazing (character-driven, emotionally-charged, also at times hilarious), and we were ROBBED.
I also wish Matt could’ve been involved in more trial prep. The show makes it seem almost like Matt’s skill is limited to courtroom antics, but charisma and the ability to think on your feet in the courtroom mean next to nothing if you haven’t laid a foundation with good legal research and legal writing. I would’ve loved it if the legal plotlines showed us more of that. Like, you know Matt and Karen’s date night in S2 where she helps him come up with witness questions? I would’ve loved it if: a) they’d gotten, like, ANY part of that scene correct from a legal standpoint, and b) if we could’ve gotten MORE. I know that kind of thing might seem boring, but I don’t think it would be. You can really show off characters’ personalities in that kind of environment, and then the audience gets the reward of seeing that hard work pay off at trial.
Speaking of, I know we’ve talked before about S3 splitting everyone up. I still think that could’ve maybe been worth it if we’d gotten a S4 where we could see how everyone learned from how disastrous the S3 isolation was, but without S4, everyone’s isolation in S3 is really unfortunate. I would’ve loved to see Nelson, Murdock, and Page working together for at least half of the season, instead of just the last 3-ish episodes. It would’ve been fascinating to watch, since Matt would still not be in a great headspace, and Karen would still be hurt, and Foggy would be just Trying To Deal with his idiot best friends. (But since we don’t have that, at least we have my S3 canon-divergent retelling thing: Take A Deep Breath – shameless plug.)
I also would’ve generally kept the stakes lower in S2 and S3. I think you agree with me that both seasons would’ve been more powerful if we’d had more lower-level villains. But one of my favorite things about S1 is that we get to know the people who are at stake. Unlike in the Avengers where it’s just “the world” or “New York” or something, S1 showed us a little boy who wanted to go back to his dad, and Elena, and that one juror who was being exploited, and Melvin, and even a bad guy like Vladimir, and they’re ALL sympathetic. We really understand who Matt’s fighting for, but with the exception of Grotto, Jasper Evans, and Julie Barnes, I don’t feel like we really get that in S2 and S3.
Related: our S2 ninjas needed a clearer motivation. (That goes for Defenders, too.) Imo, they needed personal stakes. Fisk’s mission to clean up Hell’s Kitchen was personal. Frank’s mission to take out bad guys was personal. Everything about Elektra was personal. Dex’s desperate attempt to find a place for himself and find people who care about him was VERY personal. But the Hand? Not personal at all.
With Elektra…I’m torn. Part of me really wishes Matt could’ve told her no and maintained his boundaries all along, because a) I hate love-triangle-type drama and drama that could be resolved if people just stopped keeping secrets, and b) it would’ve been so refreshing to see the femme fatal trope subverted, and c) it would’ve given Elektra more agency. That being said…that might be veering too far away from comics canon. Matt is canonically a disaster with relationships, and he and Elektra have this whole…epic…magnetic…thing. I personally would argue that the show isn’t beholden to the canon in this specific way, but I can see how people would be upset if Matt and Elektra hadn’t turned out the way they did in S2.
I would’ve liked Marci to have a smidge more character development. She was so sweet and supportive in S3and I don’t…quite…know where that came from? Oh, well.
Speaking of character development: I wish Matt and Foggy could’ve had some real conversations. Aside from when Foggy found Matt at the gym in S1 and they talked about moving forward, I don’t feel like they had deep conversations that weren’t arguments. Matt’s S3 apology is good, but I would’ve loved to see Foggy apologize for how he contributed to the problems in their friendship. I also wish we could’ve seen Foggy explicitly thank Matt for, y’know…SAVING HIS LIFE.
As for Karen, I wish her revelation scene to Matt had been more about HER. It says a lot about how selfless she is that she used her own pain to try to convince Matt not to kill Fisk. But even though I know Matt’s super depressed and everything, I would’ve loved to see him put his own angsty issues aside for a sec and just be there for his friend and the woman he loves. Even the fact that she is the one who crosses the room to be close to him is telling; he should’ve gone over to her when she started crying and been there for her.
Although if I’m talking about Matt’s romantic relationships, I wouldn’t have minded if the show went a Clairedevil route. Although that would require A LOT. I do wish, if I’m being really fanciful, that we could’ve seen Claire in S3. Or, at minimum, seen Matt and Claire interact in Defenders.
FATHER LANTOM TELLING MATT THAT GUILT IS A SIGN THAT HIS WORK IS NOT DONE. I cannot with that scene. I love Father Lantom, but that? Really? I mean, I get it. That’s a common way that Catholic doctrine is interpreted, and it’s what Matt basically wants to hear anyway, but it is SUCH a dangerous thing to tell Matt (and I feel like Father Lantom should’ve known that???) and it’s also, as I understand it, not even the technically correct Catholic interpretation of guilt. Like, that’s literally not what guilt is or how it’s supposed to work. (Although who knows. I’m not Catholic, and as I understand it, Catholics themselves vary a lot in their interpretations of doctrine. So idk.) If I were writing that scene, I would definitely not have written Father Lantom to say that.
On the religious theme, I wish S3 had circled back to Matt’s original objections related to the book of Job. He gets quite a few things wrong in his recap, and I’m not sure if Maggie didn’t correct him because she didn’t know better, or because she didn’t think a Biblical literacy lecture was what he needed at the moment, OR because the writers couldn’t be bothered to read the book. (In fairness…it’s a long and complicated book. But they couldn’t have been bothered to read a commentary on it?) I wish S3 had not stopped at giving Matt an abstract tapestry analogy to heal his faith when it also should’ve addressed his specific complaints.
I wish we’d had more time to see Matt and Maggie repair their relationship, or start to. And I wish she’d hugged him at Literally Any Point.
I wish the whole Matt-hallucinating thing had been clearer. Was he actually hallucinating? Or was that just his internal monologue manifested through other characters? If he was hallucinating, did he just...stop? Is he not freaked out about that? What was going on????
Oh, and if only they could’ve gotten Dex’s psychological diagnosis right.
Other than that, there are a couple scenes that I feel like drag on way too long (S3 especially has an odd amount of monologues that generally strike me as OOC anyway—except with Fisk; he’s just Like That) but I don’t want to go into all of them. It would be hypocritical, given how long this reply is. :P
So yeah, I think I’ll stop there, although I’m sure there’s more, haha. Thank you again for the ask and the excuse to ramble about Daredevil! I look forward to your thoughts as well.
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I read your response to the vampire message in your inbox and then proceeded to continue on with my current reread of TRT
AND THEN
AND THEN
I CAME ACROSS THIS PART OF CHAPTER 54 AND NEARLY CHOKED WITH LAUGHTER
"'Look,' Foggy slurred, taking on the pose of a professor about to dispense true enlightenment, one arm behind his back and the other shoved up so he could stab a finger in the air. ''M not saying Matt doesn’t—sure, he punches bad people and gets all bloody, and that’s not super romantic. Not unless you’re kinky, or a vampire.'
Shit. I’d happily kiss the fuck out of Matt when he’s all feral and bloody.
Were you… were you a vampire?"
Anyway that line just tied in so nicely with the whole vampire thing and I thought I'd mention it.
P.S. I'm so so so happy for you that you got to meet Charlie and also you are SO pretty omg, ALSO I love your story recounting what he said to you at the autograph table, that must have meant the world to you <3
I FORGOT ABOUT THAT LINE! 😂 I mean, if you add in that I would, much like Jane, totally kiss Matt when he's feral and bloody, welp, pasta vampire status confirmed.
And thank you so much! 😭 It really did mean the absolute world to me. Matt's arc on the show helped me heal and process so much, and season 3 was especially meaningful to me (including the... really really dark moments, which, without getting too specific for TWs, I really related to). I don't know that I've ever seen a character that I felt mirrored what I'd gone through like he did. I'd managed to claw my way into a better headspace by the time DD came out, but there was still a lot of emotional/mental scarring and trauma I was dealing with in addition to the ongoing management of my health issues/chronic pain/disability. And watching Matt deal with, process, and work through what felt like the exact same situation with the exact same reactions I'd had, just... it did so much for me. It felt validating, because my mind works in story, processes as story, and now, here was a story like mine, a character who knew exactly what I was feeling. There's something healing about watching Matt struggling with the same questions, the same pain, the same anger, the same grief, before finding his way through it. I still watch it when my mood dips.
Charlie's performance, the work he put in, the respectful way he treated it, did so, so much for me, more than I could ever say. I really, really wanted to tell him that, and finally, I was able to! And he seemed to recognize it for what it was, and how much it meant to me. That moment of genuine connection, that respect, that chance he gave me to tell him what his performance meant and how it helped me, is something I'll treasure, and I hope if he ever feels down about something, he remembers how much what he does means to all of us in return. ❤️
#charlie cox#daredevil#matt murdock#i do not have words for how much watching matt heal and process helped *me* heal and process#my mom literally looked at me repeatedly during S3 and went 'did they talk to you for this???' because it just MIRRORED#and whenever matt said something like 'cotton feels like sandpaper' i just like oh hey it's me been there#and on top of that if I hadn't felt that connection thanks to Charlie and the writers#I wouldn't have started TRT#which has changed my life further#What Charlie did essentially altered the course of my life for the better#so getting a chance to tell him that and the way he understood is something that will stick with me for a long long time
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Director's Cut ask for any of your lee!Essek stories
(the fic in question)
I think I've only got one full fic with him in it so far, plus or minus a couple snippets, so we'll go with Embarrassing and Undignified!
(there's Essek spoilers in here up to episode 97, proceed with caution 💛)
The fun thing about writing tk fic for me is that, for the most part, you already know the plot - the interesting bit, then, is how the characters feel about it (and also the actual tickling, of course). Essek's a fun case in that he's actively hiding information about the beacons and the war from the Nein even as he gets more and more invested in their friendship. So he's not like Caleb, in that he can admit to himself what he wants and isn't concerned with deserving anything (not until the Nein get to him, at least), but the prospect of the Nein having something to hold over his head is deeply troubling to him.
That, and the fact that he's incredibly touch starved and he floats everywhere and therefore has ridiculously ticklish feet XD And like. I don't know if I expressed this clearly enough but there is LITERALLY an episode where he goes to the Nein's house in Xhorhas for dinner and they all climb into a hot tub together and a couple of the players ask Matt what his feet look like, it practically writes itself!
Anyway, I felt like it was important to that characterization to have him panic a little and try to retreat as the realization that the Nein have a guaranteed way to overwhelm him sinks in. Which also let me tie in another canon conversation that he and Yasha had during said dinner about friendship and loneliness (listen. listen. Yasha cares about her friends so much, every time she has a conversation with another character about their emotions I lose my entire mind) and let Yasha use that blunt charm she has to keep him steady. Getting to write something where the whole Nein is there was a little nerve-racking, but I had fun figuring out all the little asides for each character.
Writing ler!Jester is incredibly fun - she's already so bubbly and teasy in canon, and she has such a distinctive voice that the only issue is being able to capture it in writing. I think this is my first time writing ler!Beau as well, and given her slightly antagonistic view of Essek I figured she could be as mean as she wanted. Technically I've got a series with lee!Essek planned, so I want to see if I can get more of that in there.
Caleb not being a lee for once was great! I hc that he's pretty happy to find someone who hasn't been traveling with a band of tickling maniacs for the past few months and so he can tickle them without fearing immediate and painful revenge - he's definitely sympathetic as a fellow squishy wizard, though. I don't think I'm ever going to write romantic or explicit fic, but I love reading fic about these two and wanted them to cuddle a bit as a treat :)
Favorite part... I think I'm bad at writing movement and action, so I worked really hard on the bit where Essek startles away and falls at the beginning of the fic. Also, the little hint of ler!Caleb - he's having fun and Essek just wants to cling to him for a bit longer and I think it turned out cute-
Caleb pats his back. “Come on, friend, chin up.”
And he’s right, Essek can’t afford to cling to this veneer of comfort any longer - but to his immediate and eternal shame, he whines and nuzzles further into Caleb’s ribs. Just a moment to gather his wits, maybe, and he’ll be able to Misty Step to the front door and don his mantle-
“No? Alright, then - I’ll go to work too, if I have to.”
The hand on his back lifts away and walks itself on two prodding fingers neatly up under Essek’s arm, gently wriggling into the hollow until he can’t bear to keep his arms up any longer. “Nnn, hnn! - eheh, thahat’s - enough, please-”
It’s. It’s not, is the problem - he tries to stir up anger, distaste, but there’s only fear. He would deal with this indignity again, suffer it gladly, even, just to have them speak to him kindly. It’s new, and terrifying, and he needs to think it over alone with a generous glass of wine in his tower.
He shrinks back in on himself, still snickering at the tickling under his arms, and Caleb takes the opportunity to grab him neatly by the shoulders and sit him back up - Essek catches a glimpse of his blue eyes shining with rare merriment and promptly swivels to look away from all of them.
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Neil + getting hurt
this is badly written bc it’s just me brainstorming but
alright so this boy has a pretty high tolerance for pain, but he knows when he’s hurt. he knows how to feel for cracks in his ribs or when he’s broken something
he’s pretty used to getting hurt and the foxes all cry at night bc of it
he’s not an idiot when it comes to injuries but he is when it comes to knowing when to stop because of his injuries.
his first reaction to just about any injury is to patch it up and deal with it himself (if he can pry himself away from the courts long enough)
sometimes he’ll bother Andrew if he needs help
but
if Andrew can’t/won’t help, the next person he goes to is Aaron
(he doesn’t go to Kevin because even though Kevin gets it, he would actually hurt Neil if Neil didn’t treat an injury properly right away. Kevin doesn’t play that shit. Go see Abby)
the other foxes might know what to do, but even if they did, they would make him see Abby too so he doesn’t waste his time
anyway so Andrew is out with Renee and Allison one day and Neil goes out for a run. It’s fine until some student wasn’t looking where they were going and crash into Neil as he turns a corner
They’re both fine, but Neil lands hard on his shoulder and the concrete scraped the shit outa him. He finishes his run and gets back to the tower not really thinking anything of it till he goes to shower and realizes his shoulder looks really bad
Aaron is next door studying for a biology test when just. Neil just walks in with literally zero warning and sits down across from him
Neither of them say anything for a minute. Aaron finishes the page he’s taking notes on them looks at Neil like what do you want
Neil’s like “I hurt my shoulder and I can’t reach it to bandage it up.”
Aaron’s goes ???? He’s so done. “whatever let me see it”
and Neil takes off his shirt
a COUPLE OF THINGS TO NOTE HERE
aaron has seen Neil after the nest and after his father. He’s seen Neil beat to shit and looking like hell. He hasn’t seen Neil’s scars though.
and it’s not that Neil’s comfortable showing his scars off because he’s definitely not. He can just barely show them to Abby. But he’s tired and Aaron already looks annoyed that he’s wasting time and whatever, Andrew will be back soon and they have practice tonight and Neil can’t reach so Aaron is gonna have to suck it up and bandage him
His shoulder is a little more than “hurt”
Aaron goes straight into doctor mode. He has to disenfect it and it’s way too much for just a band aid so he gets some gauze and patches that up
They don’t say anything the entire time. Aaron works in silence and Neil is just staring. Aaron can’t tell if he’s focused or not
Neil leaves with a half-assed thanks and Aaron is just. He’s annoyed ok. His brother’s tool of a boyfriend just comes in and interrupts his studying to demand that he kiss his scrape better and then just leaves. Fuck that guy
like exactly 5 minutes later when Aaron gets back to studying he has that “oh shit” moment of realiziation where it hits him that Neil came to him for help and showed him his scars. He appreciates what that means, even if he is still petulantly grumpy at being bothered
this happens just a couple of times but Aaron doesn’t take it for granted. theyre both aware that Neil’s letting himself be vulnerable in that moment, which is really hard for him
Neil also goes to see Abby sometimes. He doesn’t like to because he has to leave the tower but if he’s already out and hurting then he’ll drop by
Abby worries about him all the time and constantly reassures him that it’s ok!! she wants him to see her if he’s injured!! nothing is too small
Abby also starts to load up on Neil’s favorite snacks. He refuses to go easy on her and just give her a grocery list so she has to pull some Sherlock Holmes type shit and piece together what the kid likes on her own. (he drinks water and/or orange juice, he won’t eat anything too sweet, chips are a maybe, fruit is always good)
So, to recap, if he’s not pretending that his injury isn’t serious (which is still the majority of the time), he’s paying a discreet visit to Andrew, Aaron, or Abby
he prefers to handle his shit himself, but this is progress!
there is one (1) time though where Neil gets hurt and demands to go to the hospital
It’s nothing too bad. Nothing life-threatening. The team is actually really happy that they didn’t even have to force Neil to call time and see a doctor, but they don’t quite understand why he’s freaking out so bad
It happens when they’re playing a game. No one sees what happens but Neil goes down and he takes a little too long to get back up. Wymack and Kevin both look ready to drag him off court but he surprises everyone by signaling to the ref and limping off himself
he goes straight to Abby on the bench. Something happened to his leg, he pulled a muscle or something, idk, but it scared the shit out of him
they’re in the last quarter so Neil holds out until they foxes win but then he’s like “Abby. I need to see a doctor, now”
everyone is confused af but they go with it
They get him to a doctor who checks it out. Something’s definitely strained but it’s not too serious and he can play in a few weeks at most
the foxes get ready for Neil to just absolutely ignore that but??? Neil is like ok and actually sits out practice and shit
he doesn’t get back onto the court until Abby clears him
The next day the foxes can’t help it. they have to know
Andrew and Kevin tell them to leave it alone, but. My boys aren’t immune. They wanna know too. They just have a feeling the answer is gonna be bad
it is
After practice everyone just kinda invites themselves over to Wymack’s and Abby cooks. They’re chatting for a while, just fucking around, when someone brings it up
It’s Nicky
“So, not that we’re not all thrilled you’re taking care of yourself, but what happened when you hurt your leg?”
And Neil debates not telling them but he catches Andrew out of the corner of his eye pretending not to be interested and really there’s no reason to hide anything from the team, so
“idk. It’s just, when my father-“
collective wince
“-kidnapped me in Baltimore and he had me in the basement, he was debating how to torture me-“
so yeah this is not great. The foxes are in Instant Regret. Andrew’s fork is bending. Dan looks like her vein might explode. Matt has tears and his eyes and may or may not be actually crying
“-one of the things he said was that he’d cut my hamstrings so I couldn’t run this time. He didn’t, obviously, but...” Neil kinda takes a break there and wow this is hard to admit but it’s them so it’s ok “it just really scared me. I wouldn’t be able to escape. I could never play exy. Everything would’ve been for nothing if I couldn’t run. My career would be over, the Moriyamas—“
ok he stops there
they get the point
Kevin changes the subject bc believe it or not he isn’t useless and has gotten really good at Not Talking about things and redirecting conversation
it takes a while but the night goes on and they’re all fine, it’s in the past, they know that neil is here and he’s okay and his father is dead
any questions of “are you okay” are met with a withering look and yeah that’s fair but neil knows it’s with good intentions
andrew drags neil out of the room when nobody is looking
he kisses him hard and whispers about his father and the moriyamas never being able to get to him again
neil reminds him that andrew doesn’t have to protect him anymore
andrew knows that it isn’t their deal but he wants to okay? he wants to protect neil and keep him safe
170%
everyone goes home eventually
later andrew and neil will be in bed and andrew will kiss his thighs and replace any memories of cold stone floor and axes with soft lips and soft hairs tickling the insides of his legs
#listen i know this is trash it was just a quick little drabble ok#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#tfc#the foxhole court
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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E96 (February 25, 2020)
Tonight’s guests are Taliesin Jaffe and Liam O’Brien!
Announcements: The Chicago live show and C2E2 are imminent! The live show will be on Thursday night, but an hour earlier than usual, at 6 PM Pacific/8 PM Central! Liam will be at the live show, but unfortunately has to leave C2E2 early and won’t be able to make it on Sunday. On Friday, the first behind-the-scenes video for The Legend of Vox Machina animated series was posted on YouTube, introducing the writing team!
Episode 96: Family Shatters
Stats for this week’s episode! Of the 16 times Caleb has cast Teleportation Circle, the M9 have remembered to contact someone prior to their arrival 7 times. Of those 7 times, they were successful at contacting someone at the location only 3. Taliesin: “We’re playing this game like Skyrim, we’re just going through people’s houses breaking pottery.” Caduceus got the straw hat that he gave to Clarabelle in episode 31, about 188 in-game days ago. There were 17 cow-related puns. Dani: “Is that above or below average for a Critical Role episode?”
“Clay was kind of built relatively quickly. I didn’t give Matt a ton to play with. I gave him the order in which they left, I gave him Clay’s attitude and his impression of his family members, which was usually just one sentence, and some basic idea of what their power set might be if they had one. I always thought of him as, from a family perspective, of what would have happened to Percy if nothing went wrong.” He was happy to be the one to run the family business and just hang around at home and run the shrine. “I think the rest of the kids’ wanderlust probably put them at odds quite a bit.” He liked being able to play that conflict and show what Caduceus was like when he was annoyed. Cad took after his father, the girls generally wanted to leave, and Colton is “just sort of a doofus.”
Caleb was an only child, so seeing this many kids was a lot. “They clearly had their grudges and their different dynamics with each other, but that’s normal, for sure. Caleb’s very unfamiliar with it.” He also keeps looking at Nott and thinking about how everything he’s doing is about wanting to rebuild his family, whereas Nott is so conflicted about going back to hers. “He doesn’t understand it, but he doesn’t want to push it” or judge her for it. “I thought I had a really defined direction at the start of the campaign, but my seven best friends have knocked it silly.”
What’s keeping Cad with the Nein? “Caduceus is not ready to go home at all. He’s not done with his walkabout. He feels like he wants to see a bit more. He feels he has an intense debt to pay. He feels he has a mission to see everybody else through, at the very least. Or at least he’s telling himself that. So he’s saved his home, or at least he thinks he’s saved his home, and his family’s all right, so now it’s debts that must be paid. He’s not somebody who thinks you can just get off the bus.”
“Caleb was going to ask [the hag] about the ability to travel backward through time, not really believing that she could do that, but was still like, show me what you’ve got.” Even if she’d said it, he would have thought she was a liar. “Probably would’ve offered to kill the M9″ in exchange, then would’ve turned around to hit her with a surprise Disintegrate. Liam notes repeatedly that nothing could possibly have been as cool as what Laura wound up doing.
On the Nein not worrying about places Cad considered sacred ground, Caduceus “is fine with conflict. He doesn’t even really have to have conflict, he could assert himself if he were so inclined. It’s that he’s aware that there are limits to what these people can do. It’s very much the philosophy of ‘children and drunks can do no wrong’.” He’s picking his battles.
Was there a defining moment where Caleb started seeing the Nein as family? No single moment. “It’s like love by a thousand cuts.” Liam notes that he’s still not sure how Caleb would react if he suddenly had the means to carry out his plans. “He’s got the recovering-addict mentality.”
Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Pumat! (CriticalHitical, photo by Minniemooncos on Twitter)
Taliesin notes that Caduceus is definitely feeling more connected to the group. “If anything, Caduceus is really embracing his role as the spiritual guide to the group. He feels like he really has a lot to offer from that perspective of being the roving therapist. Or at least, he thinks he’s a roving therapist.” Liam notes that Cad is the most mysterious of the group to Caleb. “He’s the most religious character I’ve ever played, too. He’s fun! He really came together very nicely.”
On Caleb being more lighthearted on occasion: “He’s been out of practice being a human being for a long time.” The Nein’s brand of ridiculousness is rubbing off on him.
Why hasn’t Cad been pranking the Nein? “They don’t treat him poorly in that way yet. Siblings, man. I have quite a few siblings, and there is an energy. It’s the same way like when you’re around your parents, you revert to a 15-year-old.” Same with siblings. “There’s just something-- just the urge to torture them is so overpowering.” The moment he got the whistle, he knew exactly what he was going to do with it. Liam was reminded of Taliesin’s real-life siblings while watching these interactions in the game.
On Caleb’s laying on compliments for the Traveler: “The thing about time travel is it’s so implausible. It’s so implausible that I could see us finishing this campaign and Caleb will still have it in the back of his head for the rest of his life. But maybe Artagan could help with that. He certainly sees the potential in Artagan, and it was a balance between wanting to support everything Jester has devoted her life to, so it just felt like everyone was ready to write it off. Life is often like this, life isn’t what you thought it would be, it is what it is. Let’s not damn this yet, let’s feel it out. And if I can use this situation to possibly eradicate ultimate evil, that’s a win.”
Cad found it tough to have family and friends in the same room and play both roles. “I don’t know how much it came across that he was trying to keep them, not necessarily separated, but ‘family, guys, guys, family, ANYWAY.’” He did want to get his family on their way as quickly as possible. Cad is the equivalent of his early 20s, so something like 85-120 years old for a firbolg.
Liam is asked about the conversation between Caleb and Yasha on watch several episodes ago. "You know what one of the best parts of that scene that played out was, is about 20 minutes or 30 minutes before that happened, I texted Ashley at the table and said, ‘Want to take watch? I have nothing planned, it could be fun.’” He wasn’t expecting it to go that far. “I think he had such an extreme reaction because he felt that he had done a good job of hiding things, and he was suddenly worried that he was transparent, that everyone had been able to read him this whole time when he’d thought that he was-- well, he’s a little in love with Jester Lavorre, and has been for a while, uselessly in love with her. The waltz was probably a little pebble. And in that moment-- this doesn’t play out verbally too much in the show, but he just was worried that this thing that he’s never going to admit to because it’s useless, she’s finding herself, and has her whole life ahead of her, and has other people around her who care about her and are a whole lot better for her than he is. And he’s aware of the way those two [Fjord and Beau] feel as well. It’s just there in the background fucking up his shit. It’s really just a problem. Big fucking problem.”
Fan art of the week: a gorgeous Clay family portrait! (by Teaweltzer on Twitter)
On Clay being absent for the renewal of his home: “I don’t think his arc’s ending off-screen. I think his arc ends when he comes home to see what’s become of it.”
Is Caleb worried about Beau since the confrontation with her father? “Of course he is. She’s ignoring all the advice that she gave him. He doesn’t like to see her that hard on herself when she’s so competent and probably the backbone of the group. It’s the most judgey Caleb’s been of anybody, really, but he’s very aware of the pain of family and personal stuff. She knows her, and even though he broke his shit in half, he could still see the dynamic in the room when we visited his family, so he feels for her. We need you and we love you and we will miss you, you don’t fucking get to go.”
Each of the temples has a secondary god; what was the Blooming Grove’s other god? “The Blooming Grove is for the Archeart because it is a gift of beauty. It’s the Allhammer, the Changebringer, and the Archeart. It’s kind of a powerplay from the Wildmother, in my opinion. They’re all three based off of very specific types of funereal practices that are common throughout the world.”
Caleb saw giving over the transformation spell to Essek as a returning of one of his many favors. “Caleb likes Essek a lot. They’re like two highly gifted kids at school together. And, you know, he’s quirkily charming and handsome. There’s just no reason not to, in his mind. Outside of the M9, he’s probably the only person that Caleb would see as a friend that he’s made. Everyone else is just sort of scenery around the M9.”
What’s next for Cad? “It’s a little bit of finding himself, or at least finishing himself would be the way to put it.” (cue snickering from off-camera) “He’s also vaguely aware of some of the things that are going to possibly emotionally damage the party on the horizon, and he wants to be ready to deal with, in vague order, whatever’s going to happen to Jester, and then whatever’s going to happen to Fjord, and then whatever’s going to happen to Nott, and Yasha, and Caleb. He doesn’t know how to deal with what Beau’s going through. It’s the one thing he has no experience of, because he has no experience with that family dynamic. When he met people with that family dynamic, it was always at the end of it.”
Some fans sent in death whistles. Brian encourages Taliesin to play one on the plane.
The hat for Calliope was a last-minute thought. The flute could also have gone for Colton, depending on “who I could sneak up on”.
Caleb took a symbol of the Archeart from the Labenda Swamp. “I think it was familiar to me. I think I might have either correctly or mistakenly thought it reminded me of the woman who helped Caleb in the Sanatorium.”
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Jane and the Wolf
Word Count: 4,831 Jane x OC Part Three - Final Part Warnings: Fluff, Angst, NSFW Jane is aged up
“How did things go sister?” Alec asked when he saw Jane and Sebastian once they left the throne room “It could have gone worse” She answered “Caius doesn’t approve of Sebastian being a wolf or of him living here. However, once I told them that if he is not welcome to stay then we will live outside of the castle in the city they agreed he could live here with me. This is his home now too” She adds smiling at her mate “Wow! You threatened to leave sister?” “It wasn’t just a threat Alec…I meant it” She answered him “Demetri vouched for me and I think that went in my favour” Sebastian added “How so?” Alec asks curious “Demetri offered to train me in my human form and it was agreed by Aro and Marcus that I am to report directly to Demetri with regards to training and when on missions” Sebastian replies “Well that’s good. Demetri is an excellent fighter with centuries of experience and I think the two of you will work well together” Alec agreed smiling “Demetri and Felix train the lower and transitory guards as part of their elite guard duties” He added.
The following morning Sebastian and Demetri made their way to the training room to find Felix and Santiago along with some of the lower and transitory guards. The guards all turn to look at Demetri and Sebastian as soon as they made it to the doorway and growls could be heard throughout the room “What’s a wolf doing here?” One of the guards growled low “This is Sebastian and he is living here at the castle as he is Jane’s mate” Demetri introduced Sebastian to the room, ignoring the guard’s comment and growls “BUT HE’S A DOG!” Another guard growls “ENOUGH!” Demetri shouts and the room falls quiet “Sebastian is a shapeshifter and can turn into a wolf at will, meaning he is not a child of the moon and nor is he a dog. He will be treated with respect as he is Jane’s mate” Murmurs can be heard throughout the room “Caius allowed this?” Matt asked “He was out voted two to one” Felix replied “Sebastian reports to me so if you have any problems with him, you come to me. Is that understood?” Demetri says loudly and the room is quiet and he smirks because he knows none of the lower or transitory guards are stupid enough to cross him.
Sebastian watched the demonstration given by Demetri and Felix and was paired up with Louis “I’m not training with him” He growled and Demetri shot him a glare before replying “That’s fine you can spar with me then” Louis’ face paled as he knew he was in trouble as Demetri wouldn’t show any mercy. Matt stood up “Come on Sebastian, I’ll spar with you” He said nodding to the other training mat “Thank you” Demetri said low to Matt as they passed him. Louis soon found himself minus an arm and a leg and his face was cracked “Next time I tell you to do something, maybe you’ll listen” Demetri growled low and Louis nodded the best he could. “He’s brutal!” Sebastian said to Matt, whilst nodding at Demetri “Yep. If Demetri says jump, you say how high or there’ll be consequences. He’s an experienced fighter and one the of the best we have, hence he and Felix are in charge of training us when they’re not on missions” Matt replied “Did he train his mate, Lily?” Sebastian asked “Yes. He and Felix trained her. He didn’t trust anyone else with her” Matt answered smiling “He’s incredibly protective of her, has been since she was human. He threatened to rip us apart or throw us in the dungeons if we harmed her whilst she was human” Sebastian raised an eyebrow “I’m not joking. No one went anywhere near her... just in case” Matt chuckled “So how come you’re training with us? I thought you shifters were able to kill our kind easily?” Matt added “We are, but as I’m living here now and will be in my human form mostly, it was decided that I needed to learn to fight vampires in my human form and I have been told to train with and report to Demetri” Sebastian answered.
Matt and Sebastian sparred together “Don’t hold back, I won’t hold it against you if you pull out an arm in training” Matt said “You sure?” “Yes. I know that I can’t remove limbs from you and I have to watch the power of my punch but this is all about you. You need to learn to fight us as a human so come on…fight me” Matt held out his hand and curled and uncurled his fingers beckoning him forward “Here boy…there’s a good a little doggy” He baited him smiling and was surprised at how quickly Sebastian lunged at him tearing an arm out of it’s socket in one swift movement and before Matt could react he followed through with a punch, square to the jaw, knocking him off his balance “Well done Sebastian” Demetri praised sounding impressed “Yes well done” Matt agreed rubbing his jaw “I knew baiting you would work” He laughed picking up his arm and reattaching it quickly.
Sebastian heard some the lower guards being rude about him as he moved about the castle and did his best to ignore it as he was not going to act like the animal they accused him of being. Although when Jane heard them and their comments she would pain drop their ass whilst she threatened them “Say one more thing about my mate and I’ll have Demetri rip you limb from limb slowly, only to put you back together myself so I can torture you again before watching him rip you apart again…and then I’ll burn you myself. IS THAT CLEAR?!” “Y-yes…J-Jane” They stuttered out, Jane smiled and walked away “Using me to threaten the guards ay?” Demetri smirked leaning against the wall “They’re scared of you…so yes” She replied “And anyway…you love ripping vampires apart” She added “Only when needed Jane…I don’t do it for sport” He answered back with a smile.
Sulpicia and Athenodora had requested to meet Jane’s mate Sebastian as they were curious about the newest member of the family. Aro agreed on the condition that Demetri and Felix were present when Jane introduced them to Sebastian. Caius disagreed but his wife and his brother overruled him “It would be rude my dear if we didn’t meet the newest member of our family…after all we are the Queens” Athenodora said smiling “Yes dear” Caius replied, sounding defeated, Aro and Sulpicia choked back a laugh. An hour later Jane, Sebastian, Demetri and Felix enter the wife’s tower to meet the Queens. “Hello my dear, I am Sulpicia, Aro’s wife and you must be Sebastian?” Sulpicia introduces herself “That’s correct mi’ lady. It’s very nice to meet you and you must be Athenodora, Caius’ mate? It’s nice to meet you too” Sebastian replies, bowing his head and smiling at both of them “That’s correct Sebastian” She replies smiling “He’s very handsome Jane…and the wolf smell…isn’t entirely unpleasant either” Sulpicia commented “Er…thank you…” He replied and smiled at them “He smells different to me than he does to the rest of you” Jane answered smiling. They spent some time talking together “I totally approve Jane. Make sure you hang onto him” Athenodora smiled at her “Thank you mi’ lady, I will.”
A few weeks later and Sebastian was on a mission with Demetri, Felix and Alec to deal with nomads who were arguing over territory with some newborns. “You do realise as nomads you don’t have any right to stake a claim over territory?” Demetri asked not quite believing he had to so “Yes...but we have stayed around this area for a few months now and have drawn no attention to ourselves until these stupid and reckless newborns showed up” One of the nomads answered him “WHO ARE YOU CALLING STUPID?” One of the newborns growled loudly “YOU!” The nomad growled back and before the guards could act the nomads and the newborns began fighting “I say we let them fight it out and take care of whoever is left” Felix suggested low in Demetri’s ear “Sounds like a plan” He replied and they stood and watched as vampire limbs were torn off and discarded over the field. After a few minutes there were four newborns and two nomads left “Right now you have had your temper tantrum, we’ll deal with the rest of you” Demetri said with a smile and he, Felix, Alec and Sebastian quickly took care of the six remaining vampires before burning all of them. “Marcus was right, Sebastian’s wolf does compliment Demetri’s gift” Felix says smiling “I was impressed at how fast he is in his wolf form; I mean that newborn didn’t stand a chance once he started running” Demetri added proudly “Well, it’s all thanks to you Demetri, you said we were to deal with the rest of them and off he took and I was glad of the run honestly.” Sebastian replied.
Sebastian had been in the castle for about two months when he finally earned Caius’ acceptance. The queens were partaking in their weekly stroll in the castle gardens when one of the new transitory guards attempted to harm Athenodora whilst she was admiring the roses Jane and Corin had planted for her, happy to see they were still being tended to even after all this time. Sebastian heard a scream and found a guard had his hands around Athenodora’s neck and was trying to remove it and judging by the sounds of china breaking, it seemed like he was succeeding. Sulpicia turned when she heard her sister scream from the other side of the garden and flashed to see what the matter was but when she saw what was happening she knew she couldn’t help but was relieved when she saw Sebastian running towards them “Please help her” She begged and he shifted into his wolf form and jumped at the guard being careful not to harm Athenodora, although she did fall onto the grass when he grabbed the back of the vampire’s top with his teeth and pulled him off her. Sulpicia helped her up and they watched as Sebastian quickly tore the vampire limb from limb before running and standing protectively in front of the Queens when he smelt more vampires approaching them, growling at them in warning.
Santiago and Alec stopped a few feet away and Sebastian calmed down instantly sitting down on the grass in front of the Queens “Why doesn’t he change back?” Santiago asked “I’m guessing his clothes shredded when he shifted to save the Queens, so if he shifts back, he’d be naked” Alec replied, watching as Athenodora knelt down and stroked Sebastian’s fur “Thank you for saving me” Sulpicia knelt down to stroke him too. “What is going on here? Why is he in his wolf form?” Caius shouted “He saved your wife from being beheaded by him” Sulpicia replied pointing to the guard who lay in pieces “Oh…well…why hasn’t he shifted back?” “He’ll be naked if he does my love” Athenodora smiled at her husband “Well let’s all go inside so he can get redressed. I’d like to see him afterwards” Caius replied “Santiago, Alec bring those pieces to the throne room too” “Yes master” They replied.
Once Sebastian was dressed he made his way to the throne room, half expecting to be told off for shifting in the castle and in front of the Queens no less. “Ahh Sebastian…so nice of you to join us” Aro greeted with a smile “Afternoon sir” He replied holding out his hands and showed Aro what had occurred. Aro now had the full picture having looked into the memories of the Queens also “It would be appear brother that that guard went for your wife and Sebastian here saved her without a second thought after hearing her scream” Aro said looking at Caius “I had to shift Caius or I wouldn’t have been able to stop him from beheading Athenodora” Sebastian said quickly looking at Caius “I know and I would like to thank you for saving her” He got up from his throne and shook Sebastian’s hand “You didn’t have to save her but I am very grateful that you did” He added “That’s where you are wrong sir. I did have to save her, she is not only your wife, but also one of the Queens of the vampire world and a member of my new family; a family I promised to protect when I first arrived” Sebastian answered and Jane couldn’t help smiling with pride at her mate “That’s true. You did say you would only shift inside the castle to protect Jane and by extension us if the situation called for it and you have stayed true to your word” Aro replied “Thank you Sebastian for saving me. I appreciate it too” Athenodora smiled at him “You’re very welcome mi’ lady. I’m just glad I was nearby at the time” He replied smiling back at her “You are officially one of us and you will be given our crest to wear and a mid-grey cloak. You will also accompany the Queens when they take their weekly stroll in the gardens as we clearly have to reassess the other guards” Caius said looking Sebastian “Thank you sir, truly. I’m honoured that you trust me to protect the Queens” He replied. “I think he’s just won over his harshest critic sister” Alec whispered low to Jane “I knew he would eventually” She replied low.
“Santiago I am going to ask that you partially reassemble our friend here so I can find out who he is working with as he is clearly not loyal to us. Chain him up in the dungeon when you are done” Aro asked “Of course, Felix would you give me a hand?” Felix nodded and passed him one of the dead vampire’s hands “Here you go” Felix smirked, everyone in the room tried and failed to choke back a laugh “Really? You know what I meant Felix” “I know but I couldn’t resist” He chuckled, before helping move the pieces to the dungeons.
Jane had the following night off and spent it with her mate in their room. Once the film ended Sebastian got off the sofa and got down onto his knees and gently opened Jane’s legs, running his hands up her thighs moving her skirt up towards her waist, Jane lifting up slightly to help him. He placed a kiss to her lace covered clit before removing the obstruction with his teeth, a light growl escaping him as he did so “Hey, I liked those” “I’ll buy you new ones sweetheart” He replied, before he closed his mouth over her clit and sucked gently “Oh” She breathed out and she felt him grab her hips and pull her towards the edge of the sofa, giving him better access to her. He licked and sucked her clit as he eased two fingers inside her; her leaning back with her eyes closed, one hand holding his head in place between her legs. He withdrew his fingers from her and put them in his mouth tasting her “Mmm…you taste so good” He then slipped his tongue deep inside her and she gasped “Seb” He growled and it vibrated against her and he felt her tug on his hair “Oh…god” He withdrew his tongue and licked from her entrance to her clit and the feel of his tongue felt a little rougher than she expected and it made her hurt in the most delicious way possible and warm sparks flushed through her, a knot forming in deep in her belly. He slipped two fingers back inside her, curling them and returned to sucking on her clit, albeit a little harshly “Yes! Oh Seb” She cried out as his tongue and fingers worked together to tip over the edge “Come for me…now” He growled low before sucking on her clit harshly again as he added a third finger and curled them inside her hitting that spot just right and Jane came undone hard “OH GOD!” She screamed, her eyes squeezed shut and her thoughts went hazy, all she could do was buck her hips up his face as he continued to lick at her clit as she came down from her high “That was….” “I know sweetheart” He chuckled “Although, I’m not done with you yet. I’m going to take you and make you scream my name as you come undone beneath me” He whispered in ear, she smiled and nodded as she looked into his lust blown eyes.
Sebastian removed his sweatpants, Jane noticing he had no boxers on “Saves time” He winked at her as he lifted her from the sofa and laid her down on the plush rug in front of the fireplace and kissed her passionately; one hand cupping her face, her hands going to his shoulders pulling him closer as her legs wrapped around him. He slid inside her stilling for a moment allowing her to get used to him and he rested his forehead to hers before pulling away and kissing her again; pulling almost all the way out before slowly sliding back inside her, her eyes closing and her lips forming an ‘O’ as a breathless moan leaves her. She felt full in the most delicious way as he was long and thick and he filled her completely; being with him felt right and she knew he felt the same when he growled low in her ear “You feel so tight and…a little cold but in the most amazing way, sweetheart” He left a trail of open-mouthed kisses from her neck leading down between her breasts; taking a nipple into his mouth and sucked it gently, lightly flicking it with his tongue “Ahh” She moaned and her back arched up into him and he smiled against her skin as he continued to suck and flick her nipple whilst rolling the other gently between his thumb and forefinger. Her hands made their way down his back a little before moving back towards his shoulders, lightly scratching him with her nails, eliciting a light growl from him and he thrusted into her a little rougher “Seb” She cried out and he thrusted into her again rougher still “Fuck…you feel good” He growled as one hand ran up her thigh moving her leg a little higher allowing him to fill her deeper “Oh god! Don’t stop! Please…don’t stop!” She cried out, he continued to thrust into her harder and deeper as they both neared their release; her nails dug into his shoulder and her toes curled against his skin as she came seeing dots behind her eyelids “SEB!” She screamed out and he felt her walls clench around him pulling over him the edge as he emptied himself deep inside her, a loud growl escaping him and he continued moving within her riding out their orgasms together. “Oh…Jane” He said against her skin as he buried his head into the crook of her neck “You were…amazing” She breathed as she came down from her high “So were you…my love” He replied low, a little breathless. He kissed her lips gently and gently pulled out of her, holding her in his arms for a few moments. He then picked her up and carried her into the bathroom and turned the shower on, helping her climb inside and gently washing them both. “I love you Seb” “I love you too.” He fell asleep with her cuddled up against him; his arms holding her gently against him, her eyes closed as she listened to his steady breathing and his heartbeat.
“I hate sharing a wall with them!” Alec grumbled as he entered Felix’s room after hearing his sister scream out her mate’s name “You know I could hear them in here too right…she’s pretty vocal…and your room’s between mine and hers” Felix replies smirking “You and I are switching rooms” “Why?” Felix asked “If I have to hear a couple having sex that good, I’d rather hear Lily screaming out Demetri’s name than hear my sister screaming out Sebastian’s. It’s weird” “Got it! To be fair Lily isn’t as loud as Jane” Felix replied “Even better then” Alec responded.
About a week later and Aro calls the four elite guards, Lily, Santiago and Sebastian into the throne room “I have a mission for the seven of you. You have to go to Forks to deal with an issue regarding a possible newborn army and there’s also a rumour that someone is telling people about us. We cannot have that…the person is a mate of said vampire and they are to be turned. You should know the guard that attempted to kill my wife was working with an old enemy of ours, so be careful in case they show up” They all nodded “You know our laws and what is required of you. Keep safe” Marcus added. They nodded again, bowed their heads and left the castle.
They arrive at the field where the Renesmee confrontation took place and notice Jake and a few members of his pack standing opposite them, almost as if they are supporting the possible army of newborns. Sebastian feels torn, almost, when he hears Max in his head “You need to stand with us” “Why?” Sebastian replies back telepathically “They killed the second mate of one of the leaders of these newborns and that is against their laws is it not?” Max replied “I don’t believe you” Sebastian said “The last mission we went on we just cleared up the mess made by some newborns and nomads who were fighting over territory” He added.
Meanwhile, Vladimir stepped up beside Jake “I had the pleasure of a second chance at love…until one of you killed them for no reason” He said as his eyes travelled over the six Volturi guards and Sebastian’s wolf form “We haven’t seen you since the confrontation over Renesmee Vladimir. What game are you playing and why have you involved the wolves?” Demetri asked “I am not playing a game…my second mate was killed by one of you and I want my revenge!” Vladimir growled low “Luckily for me, you and Jane have both bought your mates along with you…” Vladimir smirked at Demetri and Jane “YOU WILL NOT TOUCH HER!” Demetri roared out, pushing Lily behind him, Sebastian growled loudly in response to being threatened “We know nothing about your ‘second mate’ and certainly haven’t killed her” Jane said “He worked at the castle and I have it on good authority he was killed by one of you” Vladimir replied looking at the guards.
“You need to choose which side you are going to back” Jake growled “I know my place Jake and it’s beside Jane. I will take you down if you try and harm her” He responded. The vampires unaware of the silent conversation taking place between the wolves.
“He? Your mate was male?” Lily asked stepping forward to stand by Demetri again, although he kept a hand on her as he moved to cover half of her “Yes, my second mate was a he. What of it?” “The only male guard at killed at the castle recently attempted to kill one of the Queens and was taken down before he succeeded” Lily replied and realisation flashed through the Volturi’s guard’s faces as they remembered Caius’ warning about an old enemy.
“See Seb, they admit it! Jake growled “They haven’t admitted to killing anyone. Lily just said a guard was killed for attacking the Queens” He replied.
“WHO KILLED MY MATE?” Vladimir yelled “I WANT TO KNOW!...NOW!” “Sebastian did” Jane replied proudly “He saved our Queen in the process” She added smiling and Vladimir growled and lunged for her. Sebastian and Felix both moved to prevent him from getting to Jane; Felix tackled him to the floor and Sebastian ripped his head off. Alec held his hands out and his black mist removed the senses of the newborns and the other wolves. Once Demetri and Felix had torn Vladimir limb from limb and set him alight, Alec started to pull his mist away from the newborns one by one allowing the other guards to dismember them too. This left the wolves alive and Alec pulled back his mist fully allowing the wolves to see the bonfire and the purple smoke that filled the air as the vampires burnt.
“Your leech will pay for what you did…you weren’t meant to get involved Sebastian” Jake growled and went to attack Jane but Sebastian defended her and they fought, growls and snarls filling the air along with the smell of blood. Jake had pinned Sebastian down and was about to bite his neck when he collapsed in pain under Jane’s stern gaze “Felix” Felix stepped forward and glanced at Lily “He’s your niece’s mate…” “He went after Jane’s mate and would have killed him if Jane hadn’t got the chance to intervene. Do it and…I’ll explain it to my family. Come on Dem…we have to pay them a visit” Demetri nodded and he and Lily made their way to the Cullens.
Felix snapped Jake’s neck and threw him on the fire “And them?” He asked nodding at Max and two other wolves “Kill them. If they support Jake, they are a threat to Sebastian…to us” She replied and watched as Alec’s mist re-surrounded the wolves, missing Felix and Santiago as they killed and burnt them. “Sorry Sebastian” Jane whispered as she stroked the fur on his head “I couldn’t let them live…they posed a threat to you and us. I can’t lose you” Sebastian nodded and licked her hand. “Gross” Alec murmured.
“Lily, Demetri…what a pleasant surprise” Esme greeted them warmly with a hug “You may not say that once you hear what I have to tell you mom” Lily answered low “Come in and we’ll talk” She replied and they made their way to the family room, the others were already there. “I know why you’re here and it’s ok” Alice said low and Edward nodded “Just tell us straight…is Jake dead?” “Yes” Demetri answered low looking at Edward “You need to know why he was killed” He added and nodded at Lily “There was an attempt on Athenodora’s life by one the newer guards and Sebastian killed him, saving her in the process. Aro discovered after having him partially put back together that he worked with an old enemy of theirs but didn’t tell us who. We came here to deal with a possible newborn army and found Jake and three other wolves standing beside Vladimir and the newborns” Lily paused and looked around the room seeing surprised looks on their faces “Jake knew about Vladimir’s plan to kill Athenodora and didn’t warn us…in fact he and a few of the wolves from his pack actually backed him and watched as he tried to attack Jane. Vladimir was killed and burnt. Jake didn’t like that and went for Sebastian, resulting in Jane and Felix dealing with him in order to save Sebastian. I’m sorry but as Demi said Jake is dead and I’m assuming so are the other three wolves along with him” Lily added, Demetri held her to his side protectively “We’re sorry Ness” Demetri said sympathetically “It’s ok…you did what you had to and thank you for coming to me personally” She replied “I appreciate it” “You’re not upset with us?” Lily asked “No, Jane did what she had to in order to protect Seb…and anyway Jake’s been weird ever since Seb imprinted on Jane. He’s been distant and not been around much…at least now we know why” Ness replied. Lily and Demetri nodded.
The guards and Sebastian returned to the castle and went straight to the throne room to inform the Kings of the outcome of their mission. “I’m sorry about Jake, Lily but I am glad the threat has been dealt with and you have all returned safely” “I wasn’t a big fan of Jake anyway Aro, if I’m being honest” She replied.
Jane and Sebastian left the throne and made their way to their shared room and started to make plans for their eternity, agreeing to look into adoption in the future “If Lily and Demetri are able to adopt and raise a child in the future…then so can we Jane” Sebastian pulled her into arms and held her close, Jane hummed in agreement “Thank you for saving my life today. I love you more than you know” “I’ll always save you and I love you too, so very much” She replied smiling, feeling happy that she was finally getting her happy ending.
#demetri volturi#jane volturi#alec volturi#felix volturi#aro volturi#caius volturi#marcus volturi#demetri x lily#carlisle cullen#esme cullen#renesmee cullen#bella cullen#edward cullen#emmett cullen#rosalie hale#alice cullen#jasper hale#the cullens#volturi#santiago volturi#athenodora volturi#sulpicia volturi
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The Foxhole Court- Nora Sakavic
Well, here it is, my full review of the first book of All for the Game, I went in to this more or less blind, so this is what I’d like to believe a rather unbiased review. I wasn’t really sure how to start this out, so I’ve split it into sections of the things I enjoyed and the things I did not enjoy. Spoilers for the first novel below, so read at your own risk!
Things I enjoyed:
Neil. I really liked his characterization, he was easy to connect to, I felt for him and all of the pain he was put through. He’s been through so much, and I really do want the best for him. I enjoyed watching him open up more as the book went on, and seeing him admit to his desire to belong broke me. His trauma was a bit mishandled, but we’ll get to that. Other things, he’s fun to read about, this kid is wild and I adore it.
Matt, he’s baby and I love him
Same goes for Abby and Dan
I actually really liked Seth as a character, which is a less than popular opinion from what I have seen.
The first big game, that scene is incredible. The character interactions are so well done. Gorilla and his interactions with the other characters brings such a lively change to the dynamics. Seth flipping off both his and the opposing team. Neil getting called a whore, don’t ask why it made me laugh. Matt hiding behind Andrew. Just, wow, well done.
Neil calling out Riko, yes.
Things I did not enjoy:
The writing style. I am not the first person, nor will I be the last, to point out how poorly written these books are when compared to other’s in their genre, and just in general. The dialogue is jilted, with character’s randomly dumping exposition on your head whenever they can. This also leads the the mystery being erased relatively fast, as a reader wondering who Kevin really was to Neil it was disappointing to get the answer handed to me so early on. This is a problem that lends itself to destroy a good deal of the fun in figuring things out.
Beyond the writing style, the author chooses to over describe everything. I knew how Neil opened doors and how he walked, and how he moved his fingers, before I had a clear idea of what he looked like. At times this works, note the game scenes as well as the interview, but mostly it just drags the scenes on for longer than they should.
Seth. His death left me a bit shell shocked, and it was handled well in regards to mood. In regards to anything else, not so much. I was upset, to say the least, and can’t speak all too well on how she will choose to handle the aftermath as I have not started book two. But from what I have read, his death being treated like an ironic joke by Andrew was unsettling, and Neil’s indifference had much of the same effect. The real problem was in what happened next, Neil claiming to find home after hearing the person he’d been living with died. After spending the night with Andrew.
Andrew. Where do we begin? He’s got knife arm, so that’s pretty rad. But he is an unstable character, who will need a lot of work to get to a point where Neil can logically trust him, and even a longer time for him to be reasonably redeemed. He has physically and verbally assaulted, abused, and forced drugs upon Neil. He is violent, and vicious. I don’t like him. Maybe I will, but as of right now I don’t.
Nicky. So, why is Sakavic’s only current openly gay character portrayed as being completely perverse. The amount of rape jokes made towards Neil are disgusting. Nicky forcing himself on Neil to push drugs into his mouth has made me so upset that I cannot even begin to put it into words.
The night club scene, this was godawful. The way that Neil was treated, the way he is tossed about and forced into situations that he obviously wanted no part in, the way he is stripped of his consent, made me want to throw up. Andrew and Nicky acting like it was for the protection of the group, that this was Andrew’s way of looking out for them, is a cheap way to excuse the behavior of the characters. Neil gets himself knocked out to escape from the situation, and then hitchhikes back to the court. After, we get a poor reconciliation of sorts with Andrew, where Neil is forced once again to do something he doesn’t want to. I didn’t like this scene, I thought the removal of Neil's consent in every situation, giving him no choice but to keep moving, disrespected his trauma as a character
I think that’s one of my biggest issues with this book, the disrespect of trauma. Every single character is mishandled, every single one. Neil is forced into situations that remind him of his past, he is forced to open up, from showing his scars, to his eye colour, to talking about who he is. Seth, a recovered drug addict, overdoses and dies. Kevin and his experience on the talk show. Andrew and his drugs and his pain, the way it’s a joke and brushed off as just ‘how he is’. This is not healing, this is not growing over trauma, this is simply disrespecting the pain of others.
I just want these characters to be able to learn and heal and have the time to properly get better, and the way that things are going I have the strong feeling that i am not going to get that.
I understand that people are problematic, but this is beyond that in so many ways.
Conclusion
The book has an evident appeal, but the topics are so poorly handled that it removes any possible potential the book could have. I feel like the characters have the capability to be well fleshed out and interesting in their flaws, but as I said, it is not well handled. I think you can still enjoy the books so long as you think critically about the issues brought up in it. Anyway, only two more to go! Overall, my rating for the first book is 3/10.
#aftg#aftg spoilers#book review#long#neil josten#andrew minyard#seth gordon#all for the game#all for the game spoilers#the foxhole court#foxhole court#nora sakavic#rip seth#tfc
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I Think I’ve Broken Something - Whumptober Day 12
@whumptober2020
The move from Edinburgh to London was difficult. Of course, Fao was closer to home and could spend time with Finn as he recovered, but he left all of his friends behind. The rugby team especially, lads who he’d been with since his first week of term. They’d all taught him so much, and it had been an emotional (and rather drunk) goodbye.
Now after a busy summer, he was ready to get back into the flow of Uni again, with lectures and labs and seminars, as well as more placement hours in different areas. He’d loved his time with Steve, but he was looking forwards to learning more in the other specialties. And of course, he’d joined the rugby team. First practice had been daunting, but they were a good group of lads and he soon fitted in. He was rusty, having not played or really worked on fitness for a while since Finn’s injury, but they were open and understanding and always asked after Finn. The socials were pretty good too, though the hangovers were less entertaining.
It was a Monday evening, and Fao headed out to training after a long day of studying. Typically, it was raining and already dark, and he wasn’t necessarily looking forwards to it. But it would get him out of the house and clear his head and get his blood up.
Whilst the weather was miserable, as soon as Fao was out and warming up, he felt good. Once he was soaked through anyway, the rain didn’t really bother him. After some skills training and a quick break, they split apart for some gameplay. It was a shortened, simplified game, but enough for them to get some practice. Soon enough Fao’s chest was heaving - he was sweaty and absolutely covered in mud. But it was good, it kept the demons at bay, made him feel alive. And the team already felt like family.
It wasn’t exactly surprising when he was tackled - he had possession, after all. They took him out at the legs and he went down hard. He was too preoccupied with trying to score as he went down, but as soon as he hit the ground he knew he was fucked.
He’d twisted awkwardly, gone down directly on his shoulder. If the sharp, shooting pain wasn’t a big enough clue that he’d done damage, the crack that accompanied it was a sure sign.
He rolled over, arching his back in pain. “Fuck!” Part of him was pissed he’d not even managed to score. The teammate who’d tackled him helped him to sit up, and Fao ignored how the world span slightly. The pain was really something else, and as the rest of the team ground to a halt, he focused on trying to breathe through it. At least it wasn’t a disolaction. It didn’t feel like it, which was a welcome change.
In a team full of healthcare students, it didn’t exactly take long to decide it was a broken collarbone. Fao had to agree too, the fingers of his good hand skimming lightly over the injury. Soon enough he was in the back of the captain’s car, and he fumbled for his phone. Sheila was going to kill him.
Well, when she picked up anyway. The first call eventually went to voicemail, but he didn’t bother leaving a message. He’d try again in A&E, hopefully he’d actually have some more information for her.
It wasn’t a long drive, and before long he was waiting on an uncomfortable seat in the ED, aware he was soaked to the skin, covered in mud and probably bleeding somewhere too. He was cold now he wasn’t running about, and the pain wasn’t getting any better. He tried calling Sheila again, resting his head against the wall behind him as he waited for her to pick up.
"Hello, darling. Are you finished rugby now?"
He hummed. “Yeah, I have.”
"Good, good. How was it? Are you on your way to ours tonight?"
“Uh, probably yeah. But I might be a bit late.”
"Going out with the team?"
“Not exactly...”
Her distrust could be heard down the phone. "What have you done?"
“I’m fine, I swear. But I am in A&E.”
"That is not fine!" She hissed down the phone.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. Just a crappy tackle.” He shifted in the chair and groaned. “Nothin’ serious.”
"Head injury?"
“Nothing like that.”
"What have you broken then?"
“Maybe my collarbone? But it’s nothing serious.”
She groaned, resting her head heavily against the wall. "Are you kidding me?"
“Honestly Mum, I’m fine. Not a big deal.”
"Are you at George's? Who's with you?"
“Yeah, I’m at George’s. I won’t be long. Matt’s with me, he drove me from the club. I’ll get the train home, it’s fine.”
"I'll come get you. Say hi to Matt for me."
“Don’t worry about me, it’s not bad.”
"You're my son. Of course I'm going to worry."
“Yeah, but it’s nothing serious. Jus’ a collarbone.”
"I wish you were right."
“I am right.” He grumbled, but he moved again and it jostled him; his breath caught in his throat.
"I heard that. I'm coming in."
“I jus’ moved wrong and it hurt. I’m fine.”
"Please let me come and get you?"
“Fine. You can come and wait at mine or somethin’. I don't know, help me pack a bag.”
"I'll get Fred to make some meals to put in your freezer too, you won't be able to do that with a broken side."
“Sure. Can I stay with you for a couple days first?”
She managed a laugh. "It's nice you thought I'd allow anything else."
“I’m okay though.”
"I hope so."
“Wouldn’t be stuck waiting in A&E if I wasn’t okay. They’d be treating me.”
"You wouldn't be in A&E if you were okay." She countered.
“But in the grand scheme of things.”
“I know, I know. Are you okay though? Really?”
He sighed, wincing as it hurt. “‘M cold, covered in mud and soaked to the skin, and it hurts. But I’m fine.”
"We have vastly differing versions of fine, Fao." She laughed. "I'll be an hour. You're doing great."
“I've had worse. I'll live, just fucks with placement and things.”
He had to hang up on her not long after, as they called him through. After some (painful) prodding, they agreed it was probably broken and needed x-raying. So he sat and waited forever for that (still in agony) and eventually it was done and he was called back in.
It was an impressive enough x-ray, but his doctor was happy it would heal just fine without intervention. So he was given a fairly hefty painkiller prescription, strapped up in a sling, and was told to attend fracture clinic in a few weeks.
Matt drove him back to his flat, Sheila's car parked outside. He thanked his friend for the lift, struggled to pick his kit bag up, and fumbled with his key. But he made it in eventually.
“Mum?” He called, glancing around.
“In the kitchen, Fao. Is Matt with you?”
He headed into the kitchen after awkwardly leaning on the wall to get his shoes off and dump his bag. “Nah, he went home.”
“You look a state.” She sighed, moving to fuss over him. “You need a shower or a bath, and then bed.”
“A shower sounds amazing. Then food?”
"Already cooking. Go on, go get a shower."
He nodded slowly and headed to the bathroom. Showering took forever, and was decidedly painful, but he managed to get the mud off of him and get some warmth back into his bones. Feeling somewhat better, but exhausted, he struggled into some trackies and a hoodie, and joined Sheila in the kitchen again.
“What are you cooking?”
“Fred made a pasta bake, it’s not mine, don’t worry.”
“Your cooking isn’t that bad.”
“Oh, come on. I’ve heard you and Finn talking.”
“I’ve had worse, put it that way.”
“Ouch, thanks.”
“It really isn’t that bad.” He said, hugging her with his good arm.
She hugged him back, rubbing his back. "How's the pain?"
He hummed distractedly. “Could be worse, I had some painkillers at hospital.”
“Did they give you some for later?”
“Yeah, gave me plenty. In my kit bag.”
“Good, good.” She pressed a kiss to his damp hair. “A lazy evening and then we’ll drive back.”
“Sounds good.”
"I'll pack some stuff for you too."
“Thanks. I'll need to bring my kit home too.”
Sheila shook her head. “As if I'd let you leave it here.”
The food didn't take long, and Fao picked at it a bit, not really hungry. He was sore and exhausted, and the pain meds had made him a bit nauseous. At Sheila's insistence he ate a fair amount, and then she fussed getting his stuff packed.
It didn't take that much longer for them to be ready to leave, and she drove him back home. He fell asleep on the way, head resting against the window. He woke when they got home, feeling worse, and brushed Finn off as he curled up in bed, so tired even the pain couldn't keep him awake.
#whumptober2020#whumptober day 12#no. 12#broken bone#broken collarbone#rugby injury#university rugby#medical student#Faolan Blackwood#Sheila Daniels#Fred Daniels#Finn Daniels#sports injury#fao's a tit but we love him#whump writing#whump prompt#brothers in more than arms
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